#laser llama

[dndcharactersinfo]

Monastic Traditions by Laser Llama

[biblicalhorror]

So. Llamageddon,

[llamadraws]

Space Cowgirl

[devildomwriter]

Horror Movie Marathon: They React to Llamageddon

Lucifer

• He does not want to watch it but he wants to know why the hell you want him to.

• He is completely blocking this out, he will pretend to watch it when you’re looking at him but he’s really thinking about tracking down whoever wrote this.

• Sax music has been ruined for him for a long time to come.

• “The llama did a fine job” is his only commentary.

• You should watch whatever he wants next if you want him to sit through this

Mammon

• He’s laughing so hard.

• He’s looking up how much a movie of that quality made because he knows he can outdo it.

• He finds it genuinely funny, like what the fuck are they doing? He never knows what’s gonna happen next. Will the llama smoke weed or bitch slap someone? You literally never know.

• Mammon, being himself, doesn’t look at Llamas the same way after the movie

Leviathan

• He’s never even seen hentai this level of weird—possibly?

• He’s gawking at the screen and not even eating the popcorn, just looking horrified

• “Why is that animated? Of course there’s tentacles!?”

• He keeps criticizing the camera positioning and making wild hand gestures

• What the hell did you get him to watch? The llama is pretty funny though. “Yeah! Kick the normie’s heart out”

• He no longer feels ashamed of his anime choices because he just had to watch a llama/human birth scene or whatever that was supposed to be

Satan

• He’s judging you so hard. How did you even find this movie and why would you watch it with him?

• He’s wondering if these people are serious through the entire film

• “Why is that one guy wearing a different shirt in literally every shot?”

• “How would the llama know to throw something electoral in the hot tub? And it does not take that long to die from electrocution.”

• He only enjoys the llama killing people and feels bad when the llama is killed.

• “I have no words…” he is not letting you pick out the next movie

Asmodeus

• “Literally what the fuck am I watching? Is that supposed to be a sex scene???”

• “Why the fuck is there so much sax music, it’s not that sexy! What’s happening?”

• “Eventually he just starts talking to the movie because he can’t sit and watch it seriously.”

• Horrified gasps and fake faints throughout the movie.

• “Poor llama! Those weird people deserved that!”

Beelzebub

He’s just watching. He honestly doesn’t care about quality, he’s here for a story which kind of happens.

The blood made him hungry for meat so now he’s got steak in addition to popcorn

Wonders if space llamas taste any good. They might be spicy if they can blow stuff up.

He really doesn’t have an opinion he just can’t figure out what happened and why.

Belphegor

• “The fuck did you put on…”

• Tries to go to sleep but it’s so weird he can’t take his eyes off screen and that kind of annoys him because it’s just so bad and it’s completely on purpose

• Has a personal grudge against the director but is laughing so hard when someone gets blown up by the CGI lasers.

• He’s secretly rooting for the llama because he thinks its fluff might be comfortable

• He has some weird dreams about llamas for a few nights after

Solomon

• Straight up says “no” he’s not watching it but he ends up doing so anyway when you beg him to watch it with you

• He’s not enthused and is hoping chewing his food will tune the sound out but the weird sex scenes and close ups have him choking on the food.

• “I’ve watching humanity grow for so long and accumulates…to this…”

• He does laugh at some point because it’s just so stupid is funny. He’s dying because how is this a movie?

• And then it gets even weirder and he’s sighing into a pillow and hiding his laughter

Thirteen

• Immediately tries to turn it off unless you tell her there’s some good traps in the movie

• She’s waiting for them impatiently but she does get a few—very violent ideas

• “Why’d that girl’s face never change. She’s not even acting? Why’s that guys shirt keep changing? No one kisses like that!? What is this!? MC—“

• She’s never watching a movie you recommend again unless it’s reviews are near-perfect

• She wanted to llama to win because the humans were too annoying

“I wonder is Solomon would survive a turbine?”

Simeon

How dare you play a movie with sex scenes while Simeon is there and they’re not even sexy, it’s weird as hell.

• They’re throwing a party at the home someone was murdered in?

• What are you showing him. It just keeps getting weirder, and is that a fluffy egg? Is that human birthing a egg!???

• He’s got a pillow to the chest. He’s not scared, he’s so incredibly weirded out he’s kind of frozen.

• He does not let you pick out the next movie, he needs to pet real llamas to get over that weird movie.

• Tells you this movie is why you shouldn’t do drugs. You should also start avoiding other humans.

Raphael

• He’s giving you a lot of judgmental looks

• “Someone was just murdered there and they’re having a party?”

• The weird close ups and tongue wagging gross him out.

• If you find a mysterious substance on a tree, do not emerge yourself in it? He’s shaking his head so much.

• He feels bad for the llama because it did nothing wrong and has to hang out with loud college kids

• Mildly amused by the dads parting words of how to kill future space llamas and then there’s cries of more. He hopes that means they’re won’t be a sequel.

Mephistopheles

• A stupefied expression on his face the whole time.

• Is this a joke or are they trying to be serious because he can’t decided and he wants to strangle the actors—his standards are way too high for b horror movies

• This human government has the worst investigative skills ever. Why would they leave the remains of the ship? How did they not see the goo? Are they really just not doing to address a fluffy egg?

• This is why he doesn’t attend college parties, are they all this weird. Have the humans truly lost it.

• How dare they disrespect sax music.

• His investigative method will lead him to find the real names of the actors and personally chastise them

Barbatos

• Each time something cringey happens he takes a good long look at you, judging your choice in movies

• Why would you show this to him? Why was this even made

• He doesn’t even have the energy to sigh while watching this.

• If he goes to make tea and you pause the movie until he gets back he will be internally very upset but try not to show it

• Even a time lord does not have the time for this movie but he sits there anyway, mostly looking at you as you die laughing from its stupidity.

Diavolo

• It’s so bad he’s laughing. They know what they’re doing, it’s crap and they’re embracing it.

• Only enjoys the llama and the bad special effects

• He literally won’t stop laughing.

• He feels like the actors are his friends goofing off behind the camera and it’s bringing tears to his eyes.

• He assigns them random names, “no, the llama got John!”

• “…is he….turning into a llama? Oh now it’s animated… oh no…is he giving birth?”

• Ever the optimistic he gives them an A for effort and is still laughing long after the movie is over.

• “Humans are so interesting…”

[elphantasmo]

Forgot to share this! I ordered some tags for the baby blanket I made and they turned out so lovely.

Look at how good it looks! The tag is from Laser Llama Boutique!

[mrs-dr-reid]

My Personal Bucky Barnes Headcanons

Part 1/?

He’s stupidly good at hide and seek. So much so that you have to buy a metal detector, because he can literally go unfound for a week and a half because of his “ghost of HYDRA” training

He was genuinely terrified of microwaves when he first came back. Because “why is it beeping at me, Y/N? What do you mean the food is ready?! It’s only been two minutes, I don’t understand!!!”

He hoards Girl Scout cookies and stashes them in the weirdest places. You move the couch to dust behind it and find 6 boxes of Tag-Alongs, you’re restocking the linen closet and find 4 boxes of Do-Si-Dos behind the good towels, and you almost have a heart attack when you open the hatch to your attic to grab the Christmas decorations and 14 boxes of Thin Mints fall out

He takes you out dancing every Friday night when he can, especially if he can find Throwback Sockhop Nights near you guys and you can get all decked out in 40s fashion and make an evening of it

For a while he was really self conscious about his metal arm and only ever wore long sleeves and gloves, but the longer he’s with you the more his confidence goes up, and eventually he’s confident enough to go topless at the beach (which is a good thing for the both of you *wink wonk*)

He loves karaoke. If you guys are out with the team at a bar and there’s a karaoke machine, you bet your ass he’s going over there and absolutely KILLING whatever Frank Sinatra song he can find. One time he even got you to perform “Somethin’ Stupid” with him

He either drives like a maniac or a grandpa. There’s no in between. You’re either massaging your temples because he’s driving fifteen under the speed limit, or you’re white-knuckling the “Oh Shit Handle” because “JESUS CHRIST, JAMES, WE ARE NOT IN A CAR CHASE, WHY ARE YOU GOING SO FAST?!!?!?”

His table manners were ATROCIOUS when he first met you. Since he had limited social interaction for 70+ years, he would eat everything with his fingers and a frickin tactical knife and chew like a goddamn llama. After months of work, he eats with actual utensils and chews like a normal person now

He taught himself how to crochet when he was bored out of his mind on a stakeout once, and now y’all’s house is littered with little animals he made and pattern books. Your favorite is the little turtle he made that’s wearing the Cap uniform and has a shell that looks like the shield while he’s partial to the pigeon he purposely added Sam’s headgear to

Peter gets him hooked on Star Wars, and now they have lightsaber duels around the compound all the time (because of COURSE Tony helped them make functioning lightsabers. Peter’s is blue and Bucky’s yellow)

Much like his best buddy Steve Rogers, he’s a gentleman to a fault. Always gives you his arm when you’re walking anywhere, opens doors for you, pulls chairs out for you when you go out to eat, and is constantly kissing the back of your hand

He’s very wary of trains when he first comes back because of the accident, but after some time and “exposure therapy” (aka making him take the train with you to various places) he gets over it

You buy him a box set of all the “Lord of the Rings” books for his birthday, and he cruises through all of them in about a month, then he makes you marathon the movies with him

He’s a gigantic cuddle monster. If he had a say, he’d just become a blanket burrito for the rest of his life, and cocoon you in his pile of blankets for the rest of yours. If he can hold you as close as he can while watching cheesy romcoms, he’s happy

He gets really into laser tag and paintball, because why wouldn’t he use his assassin training for something fun and harmless as a final “fuck you” to HYDRA? The only problem is that he gets too good at it and nobody wants to play with him, so now he just goes to random arenas where no one knows who he is and destroys a bunch of teenagers for shits and giggles

He accidentally stumbles upon bullet journaling, and it becomes his entire personality for a month and a half. He’s a lot more casual about it now, mainly because he was just so excited to find something that would help him get all of his thoughts no matter the subject material out of his head and onto paper. He used to go all out with very specific themes for his journals, but now he just says “this month my journal is green, next month, perhaps it will be blue”

He overreacts to jump scares. He can’t handle them. Horror games, scary movies, spooky tv shows, you name it. He can’t do them. So obviously Sam exploits the hell out of that and scares the shit out of him whenever he can

He gets really into Animal Crossing. Like… REALLY into Animal Crossing. He makes his little character look exactly like him minus the metal arm, curates the cutest little outfits once he gets his mits on a wand, cycles through all of the villagers until he gets a collection of them that remind him of all of his friends and you, makes his island look like if the Compound was a college campus, and completes the whole musuem in the shortest amount of time possible

[moonflowers-and-sunrays]

breaking and entering (idk if i even need to like tag that or whagever but yeah! just in case)

Ugh.

She hated work.

Every day, it was the same: beat some heroes, sneer at them. Sometimes she even added some flirtatious banter, but it never went anywhere. Not that she wanted it to.

It was so dull.

The villain grabbed the left side of her jaw, tilting her head the opposite way, forcing it to pop under the pressure.

She wasn’t a shallow person. Sure, the current batch of sprightly vigilantes weren’t the sweetest eye-candy, but their personalities were sour too. After winning fights, they wouldn’t rub it in her face. After losing, they wouldn’t crawl on the ground in shame. They would fight, and when it was over, they’d walk back to whatever hole they crawled out of.

It was so obnoxious.

The street was dark, besides the occasional streetlight leaving reflections on the ebony road below. ATM machines appeared in front of closed coffee shops and cookie cutter oak trees dotted the sidewalk. The air had a bit of a bite to it, and certainly Villains nose was bright red.

How embarrassing.

Luckily, there was no one around to see it.

She had started at her latest fight, which she had gotten out of with no injuries (save for a bloody nose), and ten minutes later she was at her apartment, nodding at the doorman and making her way to the elevator. The floor was lined with velvety green carpeting, which wouldn’t be tacky if the walls weren’t. They were covered in portraits of women from the 20s, all made of plastic.

How Villain ended up living there, she’ll never know.

She walked into the elevator, acknowledging the operator with a nod and a “4, please”. The button dinged and she heard a whirring noise as she was taken to the fourth floor.

The elevator dinged as the doors released and Villain walked out. She followed the trail of ugly fluorescent lights until she found the door labeled 204, turned her key until the lock clicked, and swung open the door.

That’s weird. I don’t remember leaving the lights on.

More than weird, actually. Nothing was a coincidence when you’re the most well known villain in the state.

She walked into the foyer, her hand quietly powering up at her side. Her feet were like mice, completely silent.

Just then, from behind her, her office chair spun around.

“Hey honeybun. Your wallpaper is ugly as fuck.”

Villain whipped around, firing a laser right next to Hero’s head.

“GAHH!!”

Her shocked expression calmed a bit when she saw it was hero.

“Hey, watch it! At least take me out to dinner first.”

Thoughts fired through Villains head so quickly, one could actually see the gears turning.

Suddenly, she jolted and ran to her bedroom. “MY PLANS!”

“For the freeze ray? Read ‘em. You’re missing a conductor in the second valve on the right.”

Villain stopped. “Oh. What about my-“

“Love potion? Add less rosemary and a little more cinnamon. Stir it clockwise.”

“Well-“

“I also read about the llama pants. I’m a little concerned about your thought process, but i would maybe say don’t use maple syrup.”

Villain stood like a deer in the headlights.

"So-"

"Why am I here-," Hero interrupted, "Good question. Basically-"

Villain sighed. "Save it, Hero. Go find another Villain to mess with. Granted, they wont tolerate you for as long as I have, but maybe that's a good thing."

Hero jokingly frowned. "Heyyy!! Not nice. And I'm here for an important reason, if you'll let me speak."

"Hero, I can promise you, I don't care. Now leave." Villain furrowed her brow, concentrating, as her irises turned purple.

Hero noticed. "Hey, wait, no! Stop, stop, stop, you'll really want to hear this I promise!"

A purple energy surrounded their body as they slowly floated above where they were sitting and towards the door.

"Sorry Hero. I've missed fighting you, I guess. Let's do this again sometime. Toodles!" Hero's body was halfway out the door when they started holding onto the frame, grimacing as they used all their strength to hold on.

"You're starting to really bug me." Villain stared at Hero's fingers, concentrating, moving each one off the doorframe, one by one, until they only had one hand holding on.

"Villain!! Its about Sidekick!"

Immediately, the purple color faded from Hero's body and they dropped to the floor with a groan. "My back..."

Villain, however, wasn't amused. Her face fell, and her eyes widened in shock.

"Sidekick...?"

[metaljesusrocks]

In the bizarrely brilliant film titled Metal Jesus: The Movie, we're thrust into a world where the line between reality and absurdity is as blurry as a melted Rubik's Cube. Metal Jesus, sporting a shiny metallic mullet, plays the titular character, a renegade time-traveling rockstar from the future who zips through dimensions in a spaceship shaped like a giant Gibson Les Paul.

Metal Jesus, armed with an Ace Frehley signature electric guitar that shoots laser beams and a wardrobe straight out of a 1970s Rush concert, embarks on a quest to save the universe from a malevolent army of sentient disco balls led by the nefarious EDM Emperor.

But things take a turn when Metal Jesus crash-lands on a planet inhabited by sentient Nintendo Amiibos and must confront his greatest challenge yet: convincing them to join his intergalactic battle against the EDM Empire. To make matters worse the population is divided between the Amiibos and the Disney Infinity characters. They are at war. And as Hellboy once said “War never changes”.

Along the way, Metal Jesus forms an unlikely alliance with a group of rebellious talking llamas, learns the secrets of time travel from a wise old toaster oven, and engages in epic guitar battles with the EDM Emperor's minions, who groove so hard they threaten to tear a hole in the fabric of spacetime itself. Daft Punk and Joe Satriani provide the epic movie soundtrack.

Filled with psychedelic visuals, absurd humor, and enough neon to make a cyberpunk rave blush, Metal Jesus: The Movie is a mind-bending journey through the weirdest corners of the cosmos that will leave you questioning reality, existence, and whether or not cheeseburgers can really talk.

"día de los Inocentes" - Zardoz

[b-movie-mondays]

B Movie Mondays

Llamageddon (NR, 2015) Amazon - Tubi Run Time: 1h 9m Watches: 6 IMDB Rating: 3.8/10 My Rating: 🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈 Word Count: 725

A cinematic masterpiece. Perhaps one of the only movies I’ll ever review to get all five sharks. Unironically one of my favorite films of all time. Comedic genius. 

What’s good about Llamageddon isn’t that it’s good; no, this movie is awful, but it has charm. It’s funny. It’s endearing. It ever gets old. There isn’t a boring scene in this godforsaken film. Llamageddon knows what it is. It’s a self-aware, on-purpose, B-movie-with-no-budget. That’s why I love it! The 6 watches is an estimate, because I’ve probably watched this movie countless times. Enough about my praises, let's get into the meat and potatoes of the 2015 Sci-Fi horror comedy “Llamageddon”.

Llamageddon follows the story of 20-something siblings Floyd and Mel, along with Mel’s friends, who she invited to their deceased grandparents’ home. How did their grandparents die you may ask yourself? A killer llama from outer space, of course! That’s right; the villain of this movie is a space-llama with laser eyes. 

The film starts with a lovely animated sequence of the killer llama planet, in which we see our Killer Llama (played by animal actor Louie the Llama) crash landing on planet Earth. Killer Llama, who I’ll be calling “KL” for short, wanders onto the property of MeeMaw and Pep Pep, our protagonists' grandparents. MeeMaw and Pep Pep assume the llama belongs to one of their neighbors…which turns out to be a grave mistake. MeeMaw and Pep Pep are brutally murdered. Shenanigans ensue.

Mel is a popular party girl and Floyd is a nerd. They really make sure you know this man is a loser in this film. It is referenced constantly. Floyd is cringe-fail. Floyd is a little meow meow. He is sopping wet and pathetic. I want to throw him around like a football. I want to put him in the washing machine and watch him spin. He’s like a milk-soaked Webkinz cat to me. 

Our two protagonists are joined by Mel’s friends, and all of them are incredible. The characters in this movie are just so strange and lovely. They’re flat yet 3-dimensional at the same time. My personal favorite is Dan, who changes his shirt 23 times throughout the whole movie. Let it be very clear that I don’t mean he changes his shirt on camera, but rather every time he’s on screen he’s wearing a new one. The first time it happens you think “Hey, look at this little inconsistency thing that happened” but  once you get up to about 5 you start anticipating and looking forward to it. 

Now the cast doesn’t particularly matter because save for Mel and Floyd, everyone dies. I like to try to make sure my reviews are at least somewhat spoiler free, so if you decide to watch it for yourself there’s at least some surprise, but this is just something that needs to be said. They all die. There are so many very, very absurd and over the top deaths that it’s laughable. Remember the game Dumb Ways To Die? It’s like that. Sometimes it's in a car explosion, sometimes it’s getting electrocuted in the jacuzzi, sometimes it’s getting shot after turning into a semi-sentient llama-man and laying tons of fuzzy alien llama eggs (yes, that really happens). You never know. KL spares no one. 

Llamageddon’s soundtrack is something worth mentioning as well. There is an original song created specifically for the movie played at the end of the film and it’s…kind of a bop? It goes kind of hard? I don’t want to sing too many praises to Llamageddon but this movie really does have it all. There’s no trope that goes untouched. It’s truly a masterpiece of cinema. 

Honestly writing this was a tad hard because there’s just so much that happens and so much to talk about. I don’t like posting super long reviews because I feel like no one reads them, but holy shit. I could write about this movie for hours and hours and hours. There’s just too much to touch on. I really can’t recommend you watch it enough. Get some friends to do it with though. I assure you this movie is a million times funnier if you’re subjecting someone to it. Have fun making your loved ones turn to you in confusion and concern and ask, “What the fuck are you making me watch?” 

[thegooseprincess]

H.I.LL. Farm

When Gretchen inherits her great aunt's farm, she has no idea of the chaos that awaits her beyond the quaint picket fence. She soon finds herself banding together with a group of highly intelligent llamas to defend the countryside from an imminent alien invasion.

Hello! I recently released my debut novel, H.I.LL. Farm. If you're looking for a quirky science fantasy with talking llamas, laser tag, amphiumas, mysterious relatives, alien invasions, and the woes of procrastinating studying for an exam, check it out! The full blurb and link are below.

Gretchen Hollander’s life is not going the way she planned. She’s a year out of college, has no friends, and can’t pass the test to get into veterinary school. It seems that everyone else is miles ahead of her, and she’s stuck being just Gretchen. However, when her mysterious Great Aunt Elsie passes away, she suddenly finds herself the owner of a small llama farm. Hildegard Farm is everything one would expect of a farm… Except the llamas… They talk. The llamas warn Gretchen of an imminent alien invasion that will devastate the countryside. As secrets about her Great Aunt’s past begin to unravel, the invasion approaches. Gretchen must decide whether to retreat to the safety of her old life, or to step forward into the unknown. Does she have what it takes to fight back against an enemy from beyond the stars?

[dndcharactersinfo]

Monastic Traditions (continued) by Laser Llama

[theplottdump]

Valerian: Run me through your vision for bringing the Starlight into the 21st century. Simcraft: The beauty of analog is that it can't be hacked. I don't want to put my vault at that risk. Valerian: Understandable. Keeping the systems simple, but airtight.

Simcraft: But also I think that making Mother's parrots shoot lasers out of their eyes would be a fitting tribute to the old hag. Val: Touching.

Leanne: From my initial scans I can see several points of weakness that could be improv- Simcraft: May I introduce you both to my prized possession, my darling Laverne.

Val: It's a llama in a unicorn costume.

Simcraft: A golden llama in an unicorn costume. I won her off a Clown Prince in a high stakes game of poker in a Private Wine Cellar in Champs Les Sims. Unfortunately the other players didn't make it out before the cellar was sealed off. Pity.

Simcraft: Now she's Mummy's special-est little girl. I could pay my entire staff's Winterfest bonuses twice over with just a week's worth of wool from Laverne.

Valerian: Thrilling.

[creepychippy]

Alright, I’m in the Mood to name some Stuff that I remember from my Time when I was a young Child/Teen and see how much Nostalgia I can bring back to those who are reading this:

- Nightcore

- Nyan Cat

- THIS IS SPARTA (including the Remixes)

- What is Love? Baby don’t hurt me (including the 3 People inside a Car bopping their Heads)

- IMMA FIRING MAH LASER

- YouTube Annotations (a.k.a. those colourful Text Boxes inside Videos that pop up)

- YouTube Videos about a Story being told with Mario Plushies/Lego Animations

- temporary Tattoos which were inside the Packaging of Gum

- Creepypasta being popular back then (especially Jeff The Killer, Slenderman, Ben Drowned, Ticci Toby, Masky, Hoodie and Smile Dog)

- AMVs, especially ones showing edgy Scenes and including Rock Music (first that comes to my Mind are the ones with Devil Kirby and Evil Ash)

- AMVs which include two Characters fighting who didn’t have a Battle in canon during the Time the AMV was made (Example: Mewtwo VS Arceus)

- every Character you know has been turned into a MLP Character in Fan Art

- lots of Emoticons in Comments under YouTube Videos/inside YouTube Videos (”This is Bob”, “ROFL Copter”, etc)

- YouTube Lyrics Videos with blue Screens and having [Music] included during Pauses as well as [XD] in them

- funny YouTube Shows (ASDF Movie, Mario’s Castle Calamity, Llamas with Hats, etc)

- the Memories of going Home after School, turning the TV on and watching Cartoons/Anime Shows

- trading Pokemon Cards on the Schoolyard, bringing your own Beyblades to School and battling against other People during School Break, talking about Video Game Myths with Classmates such as Mew being hidden under a Truck

[ares-49789]

Cap 13

El timbre había sonado, Matemáticas había sido aburrido para variar, por mucho que Mari Carmen intentara hacerla divertida, la profesora con su bata blanca había intentado hacer una clase más divertida ese día utilizando una serie de desafíos matemáticos que eran más bien una serie de problemas de lógica sobre cosas como el número de cuadrados en una imágen como conseguir una medición exacta de 7 partes de agua utilizando tres botellas de 10, 2 y 5 partes, etc...

Al parecer eso era parte de un nuevo movimiento que estaba organizando el departamento de matemáticas o algo así, igualmente a Tobías no le importaba eso, tenía su mente fuera del instituto y bueno, en los intentos de bromas que intentaba hacer Diego para pasar el rato

Tobías y Diego salían de la clase entre la avalancha de personas que prácticamente peleaban para hacerse camino hacia la puerta, un escalofrío recorrió la espalda de Tobías cuando se imaginó la clase de infierno que debería ser caer al suelo en esa situación... Definitivamente los chavales de 13 y 14 años ahí reunidos no pensaban demasiado en el resto

-¿Tienes algo que hacer esta tarde?- preguntó Diego, haciéndose escuchar a su amigo en medio del gentío, Tobías tuvo que pensar en la respuesta unos segundos

-No podré, tengo que ayudar a mi abuelo - se excusó, la verdad es que el pelinegro tenía claro que ese día tenía que estar alerta, ya que era el cuarto día desde el último ataque, eso significaba una cosa, otro ataque

Tobías acarició la muñequera negra en la que su prodigio se había transformado como disfraz y miró a su amigo -Pero mañana podré - dijo el chico, esbozando una sonrisa -Podríamos ir a tu piso y jugar al juego de pelea ese del que los gemelos y tú siempre habláis- Diego suspiró y miró a las puertas del edificio, ya a escasos metros, al final se habían rezagado del grupo de su clase

-Se llama Clash- dijo Diego - pero vale, aunque no sé si Alberto se dignará a dejarnos el ordenador- añadió- como la semana que viene le toca en la casa de mi madre está más rata que nunca

-Bueno, siempre podemos montar una guerra de pistolas laser en el piso y hacerlo unirse, se lo pasaría bien- dijo Tobías- Siempre que lo hacemos se lo pasa bien- ya habían salido del edificio y la conserje cerró la puerta metálica de golpe, sobresaltando a Tobías, que no pudo evitar mirar hacia atrás antes de volver a su conversación

-Te recuerdo que solo tenemos las de mi hermano y las mías en el piso- dijo Diego- tendrías que traer las tuyas, equipamiento incluido ¿Has ido ya a tu casa? - preguntó el chico, Tobías evitó la mirada de su amigo antes de negar con la cabeza

-No he tenido tiempo - suspiró, rascando su muñeca por debajo de la muñequera que era su prodigio, Diego puso su mano sobre el hombro de su amigo y Tobías lo miró a los ojos, haciéndose consciente de la diferencia de altura entre los dos, poca pero notable

-Deberías al menos ir al cementerio a verlos, darles un cierre- dijo- no puedes simplemente evitar tu vida anterior y creer que solo estás en unas largas vacaciones con tus abuelos, créeme, cuando mi abuelo se fue también me negué a recuperarme- Diego suspiró y soltó su mano del hombro de Tobías antes de empezar a caminar hacia la gran verja del instituto

-¿Y qué hiciste para arreglarlo?- preguntó Tobías, parado mirando la espalda de Diego, el chico de pelo castaño oscuro se giró y abrió sus brazos con una sonrisa

-Encontré a alguien que me obligara- Dijo Diego, terminando su vuelta para atravesar la verja abierta

Tobías agitó su cabeza y vió a su amigo salir del recinto antes de empezar a caminar él mismo, estaba seguro de que había visto a Diana en la acera frente al instituto, pero ya no parecía estar ahí. Miró a su alrededor en busca de Helena o Clara, pero tampoco había rastro de ellas, supuso que habían sido recogidas ya por el padre de esta ultima, así que se resignó a quitarse la mochila y dejarla en el suelo apoyada en la verja mientras esperaba de pie a que llegara su abuelo

-Speed, ¿Puedes salir?- preguntó, mirando de nuevo a todos lados, parecía que todo el mundo había desaparecido después de apenas quince minutos el timbre tocara

De la mochila negra salió el pequeño halcón con sus plumas grises y blancas, el kwami voló hasta posarse en el hombro de su portador

-Parece que el día no va tan bien como creías ¿eh?- el kwami restregó su cabeza con la oreja de Tobías unos segundos antes de flotar delante de los ojos del chico - Todo lo que ha pasado con tus amigos se arreglará, lo sabes

-No es eso- dijo Tobías, sentándose en el bordillo de la acera

-¿Entonces que es?- preguntó el kwami

-No lo sé... Es confuso, los gemelos fueron una parte importante de mi vida mucho tiempo, igual que el resto del grupo, igual que mi familia- dijo el chico - antes pasaba el tiempo con mi familia, quedaba con el grupo aunque no tenía teléfono y bueno, eso- Tobías suspiró y tuvo que hacer una pausa antes de seguir hablando - Ahora mis tardes son hacer los deberes, estudiar de clase, entrenar y estudiar escritos de hace cientos de años, la única persona de mi grupo de amigos que veo fuera de clase es Helena y eso es... Raro- Speed se posó sobre la cabeza del chico y tiró de su pelo molestando más que haciendo daño

-¿Es raro porque es la única otra portadora que conoces o porque te gusta a pesar de ser la prima de la chica que te gustaba antes?- preguntó el kwami, Tobías lo intentó agarrar pero el pequeño halcón escapó fácilmente de las manos del chico haciendo que este suspirara

-No sé- dijo -¿Ambas?

-Entonces es porque intentó besarte el otro día- dijo el kwami, haciendo que la sangre bombeara hasta la cara del chico

-Sí- admitió Tobías, la verdad es que aunque ella le había pedido que cerrara los ojos el los había dejado entreabiertos y había visto a la chica dudar... Se arrepentía de no haber aprovechado la oportunidad para besarla él... No era momento para esas conversaciones, no aún - ¿De qué hablábamos?- preguntó al kwami, evitando una conversación digna de la prensa rosa

-De qué haríamos esta tarde después de reducir a chatarra los robots de cetrera- contestó el kwami- y de pedirle a tu abuelo la tarde libre para mañana

-Suena bien

.............................................................................................................

30 MINUTOS ANTES

-Faistos, pásame la tenaza- la valla de malla metálica había sido partida en cierto punto, haciendo un agujero por el que fácilmente podía entrar un zorro o animal no deseado, Cristian trabajaba un alambre para reparar la valla del gallinero, las tenazas flotaron hasta su mano derecha cargadas por un kwami, era un pájaro de color marrón con un pico negro

-Date prisa viejo- dijo el kwami, metiendo prisa a Cristian para que reparara la valla más rápido

-Si yo soy viejo no quiero saber lo que eres tú- se quejó el hombre, partiendo una parte del alambre para doblarlo y asegurarlo en su nuevo sitio en la valla

-Eso me hace Ancestral, viejo de pacotilla- dijo el Kwami posándose no muy lejos de Cristian

-No sé como he aguantado tantos años como tú portador- Cristian se levantó de su posición en cuclillas para ver el agujero de valla ya reparado, Faistos voló hasta posarse en su hombro

-Eres demasiado testarudo, el resto apenas aguanta un lustro- dijo el pájaro, Cristian suspiró y comenzó a recoger las herramientas que había usado para reparar el agujero en la valla

Mientras metía las cosas en la caja de herramientas una musiquita comenzó a sonar en el bolsillo de su camisa, el hombre miró al kwami que tenía en su hombro antes de sacar el teléfono plegable de su funda para ver quién era, parecía ser un número no registrado

-Diga- dijo el hombre, después de presionar el botón verde ya desgastado que le permitía tomar la llamada

-Tiempo sin hablarnos, ¿Verdad?- la voz de un hombre sonó al otro lado, Cristian suspiró al reconocer la voz

-Idiota, eso será porque hace años que no pasas a visitarnos, ¿Qué te hace llamarme ahora, casi dieciséis años más tarde?- preguntó Cristian, cerrando la caja de herramientas con su mano libre

-Nada, estaba viendo los exámenes de la semana pasada- dijo la voz, con su acento cubano marcándose en la palabra exámenes -Parece que la nueva generación ya está lista para suceder a la anterior ¿No es muy pronto?

-Yo no critico como llevas tú organización de mierda Pablo, no critiques la forma en que llevo a mi familia - dijo Cristian

-Bueno, no seas así Cris, solo quería saber ya si podemos grabar ya el nombre de tu hijo en las estatuas de todo el país- dijo Pablo desde el otro lado, recostándose en la silla de su oficina en la gran sucursal de la OH

-No es el momento- dijo Cristian

-Tu nieto querrá saber porqué la placa de su padre tiene el símbolo de la esperanza para los portadores- añadió Cristian

-Mi nieto no ha ido a ver a su familia en el cementerio, ¡¿Crees que está preparado para tener en su mente todo el legado de su padre?!- Cristian había levantado la voz, haciendo que todas las gallinas del corral se alejaran de él corriendo

-¡Tu hijo salvó miles si no millones de vidas, su nombre debería estar en toda estatua del ciervo en el mundo y solo estás evitando que su nombre pase a la historia!

-¡El nombre de mi hijo ya está en la historia como el ciervo cián, no necesita que su familia sea puesta bajo la mirada del planeta de nuevo, y menos cuando mi propio nieto apenas está empezando su carrera!- gritó Cristian, saliendo del corral de las gallinas dejando las herramientas ahí, solo para sentarse en la silla de plástico desde la que solía ver a su nieto entrenar

-Sabes que el plazo acaba con el mes- dijo Pablo, desde el otro lado del teléfono, sonaba más suave que antes, él también había tenido que respirar unos segundos

-El chico va a vivir a la sombra de su padre- suspiró Cristian

-¿No es eso algo que tú también hiciste?- preguntó Pablo

-Por eso se lo duro que es- admitió Cristian apoyando su espalda en el respaldo

-Al menos la sombra de su padre es buena- dijo Pablo, recostándose en su silla-Por cierto, ¿Te has enterado de lo que ha pasado esta mañana en San Vicente?- Cristian suspiró mientras veía las gallinas a su alrededor, habían salido del corral porque se había dejado la puerta abierta al salir

-No-Contestó el hombre, echando a uno de los pájaros fuera de su espacio personal con un ligero toque de su pierna

-El ataque ha sido suprimido por una sola persona-Informó el presidente de la OH- supongo que mañana estará en todas las cadenas del país

-Realmente iban a atacar cada cuatro días, eh- Cristian miró su reloj, se empezaba a hacer tarde para ir a por su nieto al instituto- Al menos Tobías ha podido descansar hoy

-El chico tiene potencial a juzgar por las pruebas, no lo eches a perder por tus traumas generacionales-Pablo colgó la llamada y se levantó de la silla que ocupaba en su oficina antes de agarrar su chaqueta de traje para dejar la sala

.............................................................................................................

11:45, 12/3/2017, Lunes

El sol pre-primaveral iluminaba con fuerza la ciudad y a todos aquellos que caminaban por sus calles, el tranvía se desplazaba por las vías como una serpiente entre las rocas mientras los coches se movían como hormigas organizados por las carreteras, la paz se respiraba en el ambiente de San Vicente

No muy lejos de la plaza mar 2 un edificio se denotaba en altura y arquitectura de los que lo rodeaban, su estructura más metálica lo hacía contrastar con ellos, el símbolo de la libélula azul destacaba también, no solo por el hecho de que una mujer vestida con un traje plateado volaba a su alrededor esquivando unas bolas de fuego que desaparecían antes de llegar a la altura de la calle

-¡Vent vas más lenta que de normal!- el grito alegre venía de un hombre joven, cerca de unos 25 años, vestía un mono rojo con detalles marrones y sus manos ardían, él era uno de los cuatro miembros de elementals, Fox, el chico pelirrojo comenzó a cargar una bola más grande que las demás en su mano derecha, Vent aprovechó este parón en la cadencia de disparos para deslizarse por el cielo cortando el viento a su paso

-Tú si que eres lento- Dijo la chica, tocando el hombro de su compañero antes de esquivar la gran bola que él acababa de lanzar al cielo

La bola se perdió en el cielo azul hasta que volvió a aparecer no muy lejos, cayendo a increíble velocidad, Venta aún no había aterrizado pero flotaba junto a su compañero de equipo

-Foc cancela la bola anda- pidió, dirigiendo su mirada al chico de pelo rojo, los ojos del joven estaban abiertos y sus manos extendidas hacia la gran bola de fuego que caía hacia los edificios -Foc, ¿Porqué no la cancelas?- la mujer exigía una explicación aunque veía a su compañero perder años de vida por estrés

-N... No lo sé, se supone que la cancelé antes- dijo el joven, gesticulando con toda su fuerza. La bola de fuego se acercaba al suelo alarmantemente- ¡No la puedo controlar!- avisó, Vent solo tuvo que escuchar esas palabras para salir volando hacia la bola

Corrientes de viento ascendente comenzaron a golpear la bola de fuego mientras Vent se colocaba debajo de esta, concentrando todas sus fuerzas en hacer desaparecer el fuego

Foc pudo ver desde la torre de la OH como el fuego se disipaba y revelaba un gran objeto metálico del tamaño de un contenedor de camión que había estado envuelto en las llamas, pero también vió, para su horror como a pesar de la desaparición del fuego el objeto no había bajado su velocidad en lo más mínimo a pesar de los esfuerzos de la chica vestida de plata

-¡VICTORIA!- El héroe de fuego dejó escapar su grito antes de saltar de la torre de la OH con todas sus fuerzas cuando el gran contenedor metálico cayó sobre la flotante Vent en su imparable caída. El joven se propulsó con tres grandes chorros de fuego que salían de sus manos y pies, no pudo alcanzar el contenedor antes de que este se estrellara contra el centro comercial, atravesando varios pisos hasta acabar en el subterráneo

Foc llegó al subterráneo lleno de polvo en el aire, las luces parpadeaban y apenas iluminaban la sala, solo el sol ofrecía luz al escenario lleno de escombros alrededor del contenedor

El chico dió unos pasos hacia este mientras las lagrimas generadas en sus ojos se evaporaban antes de caer por sus mejillas gracias al fuego que ahora había cubierto brazos, piernas y pelo del héroe. El pelirrojo colapsó sobre sus rodillas antes de golpear con ambas manos cerradas el suelo mientras repetía el nombre de la heroína que había sido aplastada una y otra vez

Cuando el polvo se había asentado y los lamentos se habían convertido en una silenciosa aceptación de la realidad se escuchó un ruido metálico, Foc levantó su mirada del suelo y vió cientos de ojos rojos mirándolo desde el interior del contenedor a través de una apertura rectangular

Una sonrisa melancólica se dibujó en su rostro mientras se levantaba, el fuego que envolvía su cuerpo creció con los latidos de su corazón acelerado, preparado para la acción

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Introducción | Arcos

[victorluvsalice]

Okay, with all the pictures and shells and fish and whatnot sorted, it was back to regular gameplay -- just in time to see Kelly sampling the fish platter I'd had to leave on the counter because I couldn't get it to drag into the fridge right away. XD I quickly got it away from her while I directed Victor to say hi to Shadow (who was very happy to see him again), Alice to grab the eggs out of the coop (two hatchable and one regular -- really gotta clear out all those roosters), and Smiler --

To start decorating the place! Or, well, to FINISH decorating it, more accurately, as I'd spent a little time dragging all their various Spookfest decorations, along with the two pumpkin carving stations, out of the attic while getting their pictures and souvenirs sorted. Some fun purple icicle lights for the eaves and black-and-white ghost banners on the fences completed the look --

As did Alice starting her pumpkin! Because a) you gotta have jack-o-lanterns for Spookfest and b) in my personal experience, the best way to complete the "Spooky Spirit" tradition is to carve a pumpkin -- interacting with ghosts and occult Sims is kind of iffy at best to get it to fire. *shakehead* Oh Sims 4... I naturally had her carve up a kitty pumpkin, on a pale orange pumpkin -- and she did so well that it turned out to be a masterpiece! :) Alice is just good at The Arts, what can I say.

And right after that, the first trick-or-treater showed up at the house! Smiler at the time was busy in the greenhouse brewing up a soothing skin balm potion (and getting their Herbalism skill up to level 6), while Victor was busy bathing Shadow (and then magicking away the resultant puddles), so it fell on Alice to give the visiting teen a trick or a treat. I had her quickly change into a costume, picking "space ranger" more or less at random, and give the kid some candy. Because she's a nice lady at heart, even if her "Loner" trait means she actually ignores the "Trick Or Treat" tradition herself. I then sent her inside to paint while Smiler started on their jack-o-lantern (a white one with a big grin on it, natch) and I sent Victor down to begin his (an orange one with an owl design, because I hadn't seen that one yet) --

And then, upon seeing the pets both downstairs, I went "hang on -- doesn't Kelly have a taco outfit? I should dress her up in that for Halloween! And Shadow as -- oh, wait, all she has is her little sweater and bow-tie...looks like we're popping into CAS for a second to get her a costume too!"

And so I did, choosing one of the "super-llama" outfits for her (in yellow and black, because you know that Smiler picked this out XD). Alice put Shadow and Kelly into their Halloween costumes, played a little bit of laser pointer with Kelly, then headed into the studio to do a playful painting, while Victor and Smiler got back to work on their pumpkins (going into CAS had knocked them out of their actions, and Smiler in particular had to start over because the game wouldn't let me resume their previous pumpkin, meh). So that was Alice and the pets all dressed up for the holiday...

[gumy-shark]

3RD LIFE LASER TAG AU !??!?!?! TELL ME EVERYTHING 🔫 /np

ok so!

it’s been a while and i never really fleshed out this au, but i had a lot of fun mentally rotating it last year so i still remember some stuff.

it was a modern au, but probably still semi-magical bc u know how it is!

for reasons i never wrote down and with money i never explained, grian decides to take his friends on a weeklong camping trip!

when they arrive to their place in the woods, grian hands everyone a plastic laser tag gun + other gear and gleefully explains to them the rules of his laser tag game

from then on, it’s just third life, reinterpreted as a weeklong laser tag battle royale!

pizza is still a llama, tho!

i think i was also thinking of adding in some outside conflict partway through the third life retelling, since the fic isn’t as much fun if the reader knows exactly how it’ll play out!