#layers of queerness in terms of both gender and sexuality (some of which are like. textual and some of which I am pacing and explaining to

[palukoo]

i love watching a semi obscure and often not very good old movie bc uh. woman. and then walking away with niche and in depth queer interpretations of the film and like having a mental conspiracy board and being like do you see it? do you see the vision? but like no. you haven’t even seen the movie lol

[mswyrr]

In s2 Rhaenyra confesses to Mysaria that the driving force of her feelings for Dae/mon was a desire to get to *be* him, to get to do what he does and live as he does. "He was everything I wanted to be. Carefree. And dangerous. A man" (2x06). This can be read several ways, both in terms of sexuality and gender, but I want to focus on how it can deliciously reframe her behavior with Alicent in s1.

Specifically, she wanted to run off with Alicent and make Alicent her bride, but didn't feel she had the right, as a girl, to do this. She outright told Alicent "I want to fly with you on dragon back, see the great wonders across the Narrow Sea, and eat only cake" (1x01). Phrasing it with just enough room for plausible deniability - which Alicent picks up, dismissing it as a joke. Rhaenyra seems put out (but continues to allow room for plausible deniability) when she says "I never jest about cake."

When you take this scene combined with the script direction that said Rhaenyra is "(flirting)" with Alicent in a deleted scene [link to script], it's obvious (and has been since s1, despite the bullying and gaslighting!) that Alicent is a girl she *wants* romantically:

It was a sincere proposal from Rhaenyra to her first love, but cloaked due to the homophobia of this society. Rhaenyra comes as close as she possibly can to outright asking Alicent to go away with her. But she cannot cross that divide, both because of her internal feeling that who she wants to be is something only a man is allowed, and her concerns over Alicent's internalized homophobia.

This idea of running off with a girl comes up again, however - when Rhaenyra tells Dae/mon to run off with her and "Take me to Dragonstone and make me your wife" (1x05). In light of Rhaenyra's confession in 2x06, this has been reframed for me as Rhaenyra--now that Alicent has been stolen as a bride by her own father--transforming her fantasy of running away with the girl she loves into something she projects on to Dae/mon - a man who can socially do what she has always wanted to do and be who she wants to be. She thinks that getting to be with him, near who she wants to be herself, able to live it out through him, will be enough for her. That it will satisfy the hole the loss of her first love--and the seeming impossibility of being who she wants to be in this society!--has left in her.

But it cannot. Again, using her own words from S2, "He wished to possess me, but not to be possessed" (2x06). She tried to force herself to express who she is through him--playing the role of the "girl" she herself wanted and suggesting/pushing him to do the things she is not allowed to do, in order to achieve some subliminal expression of her true self, thwarted though it might be--but he never gave back in the way she needed. He never returned the favor and let her get to express who she truly is in her wholeness.

As with Cersei and Jaime, incest pairings in asoiaf can be about the deep wound of patriarchy on a woman who feels a drive to achieve and live in ways ladies are not allowed in Westeros. So the passion has different layers in both pairings, but a major part of it is the mirroring of the incest (the male lover is both Other and a male Self who is allowed to move and act freely in the world) and how it allows a woman to feel she can express the parts of her soul she is disallowed through a man who is her "mirror"/part of her already through their shared blood. But it cannot be forever satisfying to hide yourself away like that and suppress your own soul.

Hence Rhaenyra, in her own midlife crisis, finding Mysaria, a woman who can be the lady wife to her (Rhaenyra's "type" in women, as I argue in this meta) that Alicent was too afraid to be in their youth. It's part of the poignancy of their tragic love that Alicent was going through her own midlife crisis -- and also came to a place of bravely grasping for the queer life she has denied herself in the finale -- but by the time she finds that courage Rhaenyra had already committed herself to a different path.

[tolkien-feels]

Did Tolkien specifically state that elves were heterosexual or is it just some people?

(Like, I'm in no way trying to be rude, I just wanted confirmation since one of my friends ships Russingon, and the other said that elves were heterosexual)

Oh that's a minefield. I'll try to answer this as unbiasedly as I can, but keep in mind I am both 1) queer myself and 2) not interested in shipping as much as I am interested in other aspects of fandom. If either of these things makes me lean towards one side or the other, I will leave to your discretion as you read this.

I'll try to be as succinct as possible but we'll see if this doesn't end up long.

Also this is such a minefield, like I've said, that I will disable reblogs because I really don't want to deal with discourse at best and actual queerphobia at worst.

The first thing is that traditionally, shipping has never relied on whether an author would approve of it or not. So "You can't ship this because the author says you can't" is not an opinion that would have been given much weight for much of fandom history. "Could this theoretically be canon?" is an incredibly recent development, especially when it comes to queer relationships. So your friend could and should ship whatever they want!

In terms of authorial intent, better read people than I could point you in the direction of a small library of literary scholarship debating how Tolkien portrays gender and sexuality. It's a complicated, nuanced topic.

As for what he's actually said... That's difficult to answer. I don't believe there's a sentence out there that says "Elves are exclusively heterosexual." Does that mean that they aren't? Well, not quite.

Maybe Tolkien didn't think anyone would assume anything but that they were heterosexual, and didn't particularly think he had to clarify that point. Or, alternatively, he did not think they were in fact exclusively heterosexual but was not comfortable with exploring that due to a myriad of factors, so he chose not to address it at all. There's no real way of knowing this, especially not without dedicating a lot of time to studying it, which I have not.

In terms of "Has he ever portrayed a queer relationship?" Eh. Also difficult to tell. There is a lot of ambiguity in how Tolkien portrays a lot of relationships, including heterosexual ones. I could make a case why a lot of his canonical, heterosexual couples are purely platonic, and a case why a lot of his commonly-read-as-friendship, same-gender relationships are romantic.

Also, just because Tolkien did not portray something "on screen", it does not mean it doesn't exist in his world. The Hobbit has no female characters, but presumably, there should be women in the world. So that's also not the way to go about it.

There are a few texts where Tolkien discusses how elves view marriage and sex, but 1) their role in canon is debatable; 2) they contradict each other and also other canonical or semi-canonical sources; 3) they tend to be framed in terms of customs (=what was socially expected among elves) rather than unbiased worldbuilding (=what Tolkien knew to be true.)

This distinction would not usually matter, except many people have proved Tolkien often enjoyed playing with the gap between reality and tradition. The most important texts about elves and love also tend to have a frame narrative of having been compiled or translated, so that's also another layer.

This isn't an intellectual exercise. This is actually important. In general, when Tolkien lays down a custom, you can immediately think of something in direct contradiction to it, and he often draws attention to these contradictions in the text itself. So it's actually very important, when reading these texts, to remember they are fallible by design.

This may all seem like I'm trying to rule lawyer. I promise you that is not what I'm doing.

Here's what I'm doing: I'm showing that to get to an answer, you have to dig so deep that I find it extremely unlikely that this is an important, unchangeable aspect of canon.

Tolkien did change canon over the course of his life - making dwarves more heroic, for example, and working on fleshing out female characters. If he lived forever, and came to think actually he wanted to have openly queer elves, he wouldn't have to break canon nearly as much as he had to in order to revise other things that he did revise.

Honestly? Sexuality in Tolkien's worldbuilding is almost a non-issue. The etymology of the name Maedhros probably bothered Tolkien much more than his love life. You need to break canon much harder to have bearded Aragorn than to have queer elves. If we're sticking to strict, strict, strict canon, we are going to run into contradictions all over the place (ask someone about how nonsensical Tolkien's math is), and I tend to take cues from the text to see what is important to pay attention to.

This is of course subjective, but like, I find Russingon much more canon-compliant (although I don't ship them) than if you were to tell me Fingolfin, who was married in Aman, married someone else in Beleriand. That is enough of a taboo among elves that it comes up, explicitly and implicitly, at several key points.

Now, I still wouldn't care, because I don't need Tolkien's permission to do what I want, but I would say that breaks canon much more definitely than the mere idea of queer elves.

(If anything, Maedhros and Fingon might run into a different taboo - they're too close kin to be in a relationship. But that's a rule Tolkien can't seem to make up his mind on. Which kind of proves my point.)

Having said all this... I would tentatively say Tolkien did not mean for any elves to be queer. But that understanding is informed more by my understanding of him as a person than by my understanding of canon, because again, this simply isn't something that comes up in a clear way. Or if it does and I'm just forgetting something, it's obscure enough that I don't think it really matters as much as issues people routinely ignore in the fandom at large (eg linguistics, or elements drawn from medieval literature.)

So while I do think people are justified in assuming no, there aren't queer relationships in Tolkien, I also think that's got to be the weirdest hill to die on unless you are bringing your biases to the text.

EDIT: Adding @pearlescentpearl‘s reply because it belongs here

Weighing in with a supporting thought! IIRC the clearest thing Tolkien ever said about elven marriage is that it’s *for the sake of children*, which is incredibly congruent with many of the histories Tolkien liked to study. Whether you were straight or queer, having children was incredibly important for a number of reasons and having children within some kind of formal acknowledgement of a union was useful for a. the pooling of resources, and b. the allotment of resources to descendants (inheritance). so for elves, if the purpose of marriage is ultimately for children, and the making of children involves both parents pouring in the strength of their spirits to nurture the baby, a marriage didn’t have to mean ‘I am romantically and sexually attracted to this person’, although undoubtedly common. it could also mean ‘this is the person I’ve chosen to procreate with and no other reason’, which still leaves plenty of room for one or both to have queer relationships outside the formal union they make children with, which is also congruent with a lot of historic practices

[finnlongman]

At some point I really do need to write that article that both highlights the flaws in O'Donnell's anti-homoerotic argument and argues with Sheehan about what makes CFD homoerotic.

Every time I reread O'Donnell's book, I'm struck by how he presents his argument only by shutting down the possibility of an alternative reading. I realise why he does that, contextually, but I think it does nobody any good to pretend that multiple readings (normative and queer alike) can't coexist. "This is not homoerotic." This is not necessarily homoerotic. That doesn't mean the possibility for homoeroticism is non-existent, and that's a tension I wish people in this field were readier to acknowledge.

It's also reductive to assume that everybody exploring queer possibilities is operating "within a critical lens in which all love is sexual", or to use the term "sexual reading" as though it's synonymous with "queer reading" or "homoerotic reading". After all, not all queer love is inherently sexual, although that is often an important facet of it; when I suggest a queer reading I'm by no means automatically assuming that everybody involved is banging.

As I've said before on my blog, a queer reading is about opening up new possibilities and new ways of exploring texts, free from the limitation of assuming everybody in the story is cishet or conforms to modern expectations of gender and sexuality. It's about looking at how gender and sexuality and affection are constructed within that cultural and literary context, and how certain elements of a narrative transgress, undermine, or question those norms -- not about ignoring context or making claims about authorial intention or believing you've stumbled upon the secret, sole truth about a story.

As such, I don't think there's anything incompatible about Sheehan's reading of the scene as homoerotic, and O'Donnell's reading of it as normative affection between foster brothers. Those two readings can -- and should -- exist alongside each other as different layers and lenses.

At the same time, I have serious problems with building a homoerotic reading only on the foundation laid by the gae bolga and the manner of Fer Diad's death -- equating homoerotic tensions with an act of grotesque violence. While I don't deny that that can be a starting point, I don't think it's the end of the story, and I'd like to focus more on other elements, as I think that's been overly dominant in discussions to date.

I'd also like to incorporate Fer Diad's poem from Stowe, the 'leth mo chroidhe' verse and the part where he expresses a desire to be buried with Cú Chulainn, because I think those contribute usefully to the discussion here, but are usually left out, because most discussions don't include Stowe.

But I am quite busy and tired and I don't know if now is the right time in my career to write an article that's basically arguing with everyone, so I guess this will remain on my to-write list forever, and never get written.

[willowlillysunnyday]

Gender and I: It’s Pretty Rad

When I got up this morning, I couldn’t decide what to wear. I sat on my bed for 10 minutes staring at all the clothes I own but nothing stood out. I grew frustrated. What did I want to be today? How did I want to be perceived?

With most of our lives suspended within lockdown and restrictions, I’d heard more and more stories and discussions on introspection and identity. Some may feel dissatisfaction; with life, with their careers, friends and/or relationships. Others have discovered illnesses and disorders that they hadn’t been fully aware of before. Many are coming to terms with their sense of identity and I, too, had succumbed to Lockdown Introspection – especially with regards to my gender identity.

In truth, I’m still figuring it out, because if I think about it too long, my brain starts to hurt (thanks heteronormativity). But I had found myself in between wanting and not-wanting to be a ‘girl’. When I say ‘girl’, I mean the expectations of being a girl, the harassment, the oppression, the “when am I going to see my grandkids?” and the “you’ve got hips for birthing.” And yet I like to ‘dress feminine,’ I love make-up, and looking pretty and/or desirable (which aren’t inherently gendered but sadly have become so). You could argue that this is just feminism and the advocacy of dismantling gender roles, and I would agree with you, but I also feel a pull toward the androgyne.

It’s because of this pull that I’d started seeing myself through a scrutinised lens; what parts of me are of one gender, and what parts are of another? I’m soft but angular, curvy on the bottom but boxy on the top, small but big. In my natural form, I drift between what we’ve constructed as girly and what we’ve constructed as manly. It’s hateful to think but did anyone doubt the gender that I used to perform? That I sometimes still perform now?

I have a growing interest in fashion, and specifically queer fashion which incorporates several things: layering, colour, androgyny, exaggeration, operating outside the norm. One day I may walk out the door wearing platform sneakers, frilly socks, a pinafore and billowy shirt, and earrings crafted from small resin ducks. The next day I may step out clothed in the baggiest sweats, crop top, flame necklace and my ever-faithful chunky boots. One day I would like to cross-dress in the most masculine way possible. I would like to have the bravery to do so.

During lockdown, I had chosen ‘genderqueer’ as an identifier for myself as, once again, I both wanted and not-wanted to be a girl. But over the past year, I’d realised that I wanted gender identifiers taken off myself all together. I know that’ll never happen in real life but since spending lockdown in isolation, I’ve begun seeing my gender less as an integral part of my identity, but as the infamous performance Judith Butler presented all those years ago. I am conscious my gender is a performance. I’m the egoistic actor lounging in the green room with rollers in their hair and a cigarette between their lips. I’m the ancient witch that haunts the mystic woods looking for children to eat. I am the kumiho that lures men to their deaths. I am the hoodied student cooking beans in the microwave at 4am. I am the Victorian street urchin that sells you hot gossip for a tuppence.

I see genders more as concepts than rules to follow. Who do I wanna be today? What is my goal? What do I feel comfortable in? I realised even more recently that I even suffer from gender dysphoria to a degree. Assigned female at birth, I would become a sexual object as soon as I hit puberty, perhaps even earlier horrifyingly. I feel disgusted with the body that I’m in; that I have hips, that I have breasts, that men see a person with long blonde hair and automatically see a conquest. It makes me feel gross it makes me feel disgusting but would I like to present male? I don’t know; I don’t think so. Again, I like my blonde hair, I like wearing dresses, I like wearing make-up. Recently, I’ve been asking my close friends to refer to me with traditionally male terms; ‘sir,’ ‘dude,’ ‘king.’ It’s been comforting.

I’m still on this journey of figuring myself out. (Is anyone perfectly happy with themselves?) I realised that as long as I’m happy, everything will be okay. I am just a person, I like being a person, it’s pretty rad.

[cyndavilachase]

I’m Looking Forward Now 💖Thank you and good bye

So, it’s been a little over a week since Steven Universe Future ended… 

I’ve been hesitant to write this, honestly, but I’m tired of holding myself back from properly expressing myself in fear of appearing overly invested in the media I consume, even in private. Writing helps me organize my thoughts and feelings, and I feel like these thoughts in particular may resonate with many, so I want to share them. I want to talk about what Steven Universe has done for me personally, both as an artist, and as a person.

I’ve been around since the day the first episode of the original series aired. I actually remember when Steven Universe was just a logo on Wikipedia’s “List of Upcoming Cartoon Network Shows” list, back when I was a freshman in high school. It piqued my interest, but when commercials finally dropped for it, I thought it was going to be bad because of the way marketing handled introducing Steven as a likeable character. There was still something about it that made me want to give it a chance though, so I went online and watched the pilot before the first episode's release. I was hooked immediately. I knew I was going to love it, and I did. I fell so absolutely in love with Steven as a character, and the world that he and the gems lived in. I became obsessed. I was always so excited for new episodes to come out. Little did I know what else it would do for me as I went through my adolescence alongside it.

As the show progressed, it was evident that what I wanted out of a western animated childrens’ cartoon was finally coming into fruition: this show was becoming serialized. There was continuity, there was plot, there was character development-- it was getting deep. It was pushing the groundwork that Adventure Time laid out even further (thank you, Adventure Time).  

I will give credit where credit is due: earlier western childrens’ cartoons I grew up with like Hey Arnold, and Rugrats, among others, also touched on heavy topics, but Steven Universe was able to take similar ideas (and even more complex ones, concerning mental health and relationships) and expand on them outside of contained episodes and/or short arcs. These themes, which were a part of the show’s overarching story, spanned across its entirety. Continuity was rampant. 

What did this mean? It meant kids cartoons didn’t have to be silly and fun all the time and characters weren’t just actors playing a part in 11-minute skits. Steven and the gems would remember things that happened to them, and it affected them and how they would function and play a part in their story. This was a huge deal to me as a teenager. I always wanted the cartoons I grew up with featuring kid characters to feel more. In my own work, I often felt discouraged when combining a fun, cutesy western art style with themes as dark or layered as anime would cover. I always thought it had to be one or the other because an audience wouldn’t take a combination of the two seriously enough, based on discussions I had with classmates, friends, and online analysis I read at the time. Steven Universe proved to me otherwise. This show was opening the door for future cartoons exploring in-depth, adult concepts. I felt so seen as a kid, and was inspired to stick with what I love doing.

I was actually very worried about the show’s survival. It was in fact immensely underrated and the fandom was miniscule. Then in 2014, JailBreak dropped, and it’s popularity exploded. Part of it was because of the complex plot and the themes it was covering like I mentioned, but also because of its representation. 

I remember when fandom theorized that Garnet was a fusion due to grand, tragic reasons. Turns out, she’s simply a metaphor for a very loving w|w relationship. This was huge. I cannot stress how important it is that we continue to normalize healthy canon queer relationships in childens’ media, and Steven Universe finally was the first to do that proper. Introducing these themes offers the chance for a kid to sit there and ask themselves, “Why is this demonized by so many people?” I asked myself exactly that. Ruby and Sapphire were my cartoon LGBT rep. They were the first LGBT couple I ever ecstatically drew fanart of. I was dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia at the time, and they showed me that I was allowed to love women and feel normal about it. The process of overcoming this was a long one, but they played a part in my very first steps into becoming comfortable with my sexuality. I could go on and on about it’s representation in general-- how it breaks the mold when it comes to showcasing a diverse set of characters in design, in casting, and in breaking gender roles. It’s focus on love and empathy. Steven himself is a big boy, but he's the protagonist, and the show never once makes fun of his weight, or any other bigger characters for that matter. It wasn’t hard to see why the fandom had grown so large.

Fandom was always a joy for me. It was a hobby I picked up when I was in middle school, like many of us here did. I would always cater my experience to fun, and fun only. I only started getting more deeply involved in SU’s fandom when I had just turned into an adult. During the summer of 2016, between my first and second year of college, I drew for the show almost every day non-stop when the Summer of Steven event was going on and posted them online. This was a form of practice for me in order to become not just more comfortable with experimenting with my art, but also to meet new artists, make new friends, and learn to interact with strangers without fear. I dealt with a ton of anxiety when I was in high school. When I was a senior applying to art school for animation, I decided I was going to overcome that anxiety. I made plans to take baby steps to improve myself over the course of my 4 years of college. Joining the fandom, while unforeseen, was definitely a part of that process. I started feeling more confident in sharing my ideas, even if they were fan-made. I fell in love with storyboarding after that summer, when I took my first storyboarding class, and genuinely felt like I was actually getting somewhere with all of this. I remember finally coming to a point in my classes where I could pitch and not feel hopelessly insecure about it. I was opening up more to my friends and peers. 

But this process, unfortunately, came to a screeching halt. 

My life completely, utterly crumbled under me in the Fall of 2017 due to a series of blows in my personal life that happened in the span of just a couple weeks. My mental health and sense of identity were completely destroyed. All of that confidence I had worked for-- completely ruined. I was alone. I nearly died. My stay at college was extended to 4 and half years, instead of the 4 I had intended. I lost my love for animation-- making it, and watching it. I could no longer watch Steven Universe with the same love I had for it beforehand. It’s a terrible thing, trying to give your attention to something you don’t love anymore, and wanting so desperately to love again. I dropped so many things I loved in my life, including the fandom.

Healing was a long and complicated road. I continued to watch the show all the way up until Change Your Mind aired in the beginning of 2019, and while I still felt empty, that was definitely a turning point for me with it’s encapsulation of self-love. I was hoping James Baxter would get to work on Steven Universe since he guest-animated on Adventure Time, and it was incredible seeing that wish actually come true. The movie came out and while I enjoyed it and thought highly of it, I was still having issues letting myself genuinely love things again, old and new. It was especially difficult because cartoons were my solace as a kid, when things got rough at home. I remember feeling sad because the show ended, and not getting the chance to love it again like I used to while it was still going.

By the time Steven Universe Future was announced, I was finally coming around. I was genuinely starting to feel excitement for art and animation again. I wasn’t expecting there to be a whole new epilogue series, but happily ever after, there we were! Prickly Pear aired, and the implications it left in terms of where the story was going did it. I was finally ready to let myself take the dive back into fandom in January of this year. My art blew up, something I wasn’t expecting considering my 2-year hiatus. Following this, I was invited into a discord server containing some of the biggest writers, artists, editors, and analysts in the fandom. I had no idea there were so many talented people in the fandom, some already with degrees, some getting their degrees-- creating stuff for it on the side just for fun. The amount of passion and productivity level here is insane, and so is the amount of discussion that has come out of it.

I didn’t realize it at first, but it was actually helping me gain back the courage to share ideas. I lost my confidence in pitching while I was taking the time to heal, and graduating meant there would no longer be a classroom setting I could practice in. This group helped immensely. 

I have made so many friends through this wonderful series, and I have so many fond memories talking to like-minded creatives, getting feedback and a myriad of sources for inspiration, as well as all of the memes and jokes and weekly theorizations that came about as we all waited on the edges of our seats for episodes to air. I needed this so badly, I needed to get back in touch with my roots, when I would go absolutely hog-wild over a cartoon I loved with people who loved it as much I did. Future has been a blessing for me in this way. I graduated feeling like I was back at square-one, but now I feel like I’m on my way again.

It’s 2020 and while I’m doing great right now, I am honestly still recovering from the total exhaustion that followed after graduating a few months ago, and finally leaving the campus where my life fell apart behind. Needless to say, watching Future was like looking into a mirror. Watching one of my favorite characters of all time-- one that grew up with me-- go through so many of the same things I went through not too long ago was absolutely insane to watch unfold. It’s such an important thing too, to show a character go through the process of breaking down over trauma and all the nasty things that come with it, and to have them go on the road to healing. Steven got that therapy. He wasn’t blamed. The gems were called out. The finale was everything I could have ever hoped for. The catharsis I experienced watching it was out of this world.

As I continue my own healing journey, I will always look up to the storyboard artists, revisionists, and designers that I have been following over these past 7 years, as well as the new ones introduced in Future. It's been such a joy watching these artists release their promo art for episodes, talk about their experiences working on the show, and post the work they've done for it alongside episodes airing.

Thank you Rebecca Sugar, the Crewniverse, and the fans, for making this such a truly wonderful and unique experience. Thank you for reminding me that I am, and always will be, an artist, a cartoonist, and a fan. Thank you, my followers, for the overwhelmingly positive response to my artwork. I have had so much fun interacting and discussing the show with you all again over these past few months. Steven Universe and it’s fandom will always have a special place in my heart, and it will always be a classic that I will return to for comfort and inspiration for decades to come. I am sad that the cartoon renaissance is over, but so many doors have been opened thanks to this show. I am so, so excited to see what this show will inspire in the future, and I hope one day I get the opportunity to be a part of that. 

Goodbye Steven, thank you for everything. I wish you healing, and I wish Rebecca and the team a well-deserved rest. ♥️

-Cynthia D.

[unrestedjade]

Baseless Ferengi headcanons no one asked for and that get increasingly queer-navel-gazing and self indulgent because the horrible space goblins have consumed my brain:

- Mobile ears, because if hearing is so well developed and important to them they should be able to aim those big stupid radar dishes. Also because then they can emote with them and that's cute. THE AESTHETIC IS PARAMOUNT.

- Since they canonically sharpen their teeth with chew sticks and sharpeners, their teeth must grow continuously. So I submit: subcultures that let certain teeth grow out as a fashion/political statement. Ferengi punks and anarchists with 5" tusks. Ferengi with all their teeth filed flat (mom and dad HATE it).

- Corollary to the above, most of their teeth are crooked. At the least, they don't share our fetish for straight teeth. What if their teeth are deciduous, and there's no point in trying to force them into perfect alignment, since they'll just fall out and get replaced? So like, sharks but their teeth can also grow longer with no limit. WHAT HAST EVOLUTION WROUGHT ON FERENGINAR :V

- Parents nagging their kids to sharpen their teeth "or they'll grow up into your brain and you'll die :)"

- Personal space? Don't know her.

Okay I need a cut because there's too many now. WHOLE SOCIETY OF GAY HOMOPHOBIC UNCLES AND AUNTS GO I HAVE A PROBLEM

- I can't remember who on here put forth the idea of them having retractable claws but Yes. :3

- Pushing back against the worst canon episode a bit but: relative ear size being the only obvious sexually dimorphic trait, and even that having enough of a gray area that the only way to be 100% sure you're talking to a male or female Ferengi is if you do a blood test. Unless they're intersex! *shrug emoji*

- This is why they're so fanatical about gender conformity and their Victorian "separate spheres" attitude to men and women's roles. Capitalist patriarchy is fragile! And as artificial to Ferengi as it ever was to Humans! (self-indulgenceeeee about gender shiiiiit)

- You know how with domesticated rabbits, the rabbit getting groomed and paid attention to is the boss? Yeah. Go ahead and paint your bestie's nails, just don't be surprised if she cops a little bit of an attitude with you from then on.

- Their fight/flight/freeze/fawn instincts skew heavily toward the last three, and what a lot of other species read as annoying sucking up is the Ferengi in question feeling anxious and unsafe. Especially if they don't feel integrated into the group. Even being at the bottom of the pecking order is better than not being in the flock at all.

- If they DO opt for fight, it's ugly and typically their last resort. Bites or scratches will get infected without intervention-- microbes that their immune system can handle could cause big trouble for aliens. You might wanna check for full or partial teeth that break off and get lodged in the wound, too.

- Too many of these are tooth related but I don't care. :B More teeth stuff: you know what else has teeth that grow constantly? Puffer fish. Likewise, Ferengi can chew up mollusk shells as easy as potato chips, and they need the minerals for their teeth. (Imagine grandpa Sisko offering Nog a crayfish for the first time and watching as he just...pops the whole damn thing in his mouth and crunches away...)

- Their staple foods seem to be grubs and other arthropods, high in protein and fat. I've unilaterally decided their cuisine also involves a lot of edible fungi, ferns, plant shoots and seeds. Gotta get those vitamins. Overall flavor profile leaning toward umami, vegetal, and fresh herbs, and pretty mild (or "delicate" if you wanna be snooty about it, which a Ferengi probably would let's be real).

- Not much sugary food. I'm basing this solely on Quark's aversion to root beer as "cloying". Which could definitely just be his personal preference, but most of the people I hear hating on root beer cite the actual sassafras/sarsaparilla flavor (saying it tastes like medicine) not the sweetness. Nog might be the weirdo outlier for being able to enjoy it.

- Their home planet isn't bright and sunny, so their eyes are better at discerning shades of gray in low light conditions, with relatively weak color vision. Which could explain why they dress Like That.

- Conversely, human music has a reputation for stinking on ice because a lot of it is juuuuust lightly dissonant or out of tune because we can't pick up flaws that small. Ferengi can, and it drives them up the *wall*.

- Music? So many different kinds. Traditionally, maybe lots of percussion and winds, and water as a common component of many instruments to alter pitch or tone. Polyphony out the ass. Some of the modern stuff is an impenetrable wall of sound if you're not a species with a lot of brain real estate devoted to processing sounds. Pick out one melody to follow at a time.

- Yes, back to teeth again I'm sorry. It's a sickness. At some point in their history, pre-chewing food was just something you did for your baby or great grandma as a matter of necessity. Possibly your baby gets an important boost to their immune system and gut biome from your spit. At some point takes on a more formal intimacy aspect and gradually drifted from something all adults and older kids do to something only women do. Your husband and older kids have perfectly functional teeth, but you love them, right? =_= (Think old memes about husbands being useless in the kitchen if little wifey isn't there to cook, but even more ridiculous. Ishka was right about everything but especially this. Thank you for making your family chew their own food, Ishka. Not all heroes wear capes. Or anything!)

- How did they get started on the whole men: clothed vs women: unclothed nonsense? My equally stupid idea: men just get cold easier. Those huge ears dissipate a ton of body heat. Cue Ferengi cliches like "jeez, we could be standing on the surface of the sun and my husband would put on another layer." At some point, again, this got codified and pushed to ridiculous extremes in the name of controlling women and keeping everyone in their assigned box, to the point that women just have to shiver if they really are too cold and men have to pass out from heat stroke if the alternative is going shirtless, because That Would Be Inappropriate.

- Marriages default to five years, but they're also the only avenue for women to have their own household or any stability. Plus their religion places no emphasis on purity save for pure adherence to the free market and the RoA. So, curveball to the rest of their patriarchal bullshit: female virginity isn't a concern in the least. Bring it up and they'll rightly side-eye you.

- Family law is absolutely bonkers and lawyers that specialize in it make BANK. I feel like custody would default to the father usually but oh wait, the maternal grandfather has a legal stake in this, too, and your next father-in-law is asking HOW many kids are you dragging into my daughter's house, etc etc. Growing up with a full sibling is way rarer than growing up with half or stepsiblings, since it usually takes both men and women two or three tries to find someone they vibe with. (Not love, unless you're super cringe.)

- A misogynistic society is a homophobic society. Imo those flavors of shittiness just come in pairs. Homosexual behaviors are fine within certain parameters (aka "always have sex with the boss") but not on your own terms. To add spice, bisexuality is their most common mode (because I'm bi and these are my hcs for my fics I'm not writing, so there), but capitalism demands fresh grist for the mill so you better get het-married and pop out some kids you lowly peons. You have a choice so make the proper one. :)

- Corollary to the above, that doesn't keep all kinds of illicit "we're just friends with quid-pro-quo benefits for realsies" affairs of every stripe and every gender from going on everywhere. Many Ferengi have a lightbulb moment somewhere in early adulthood when they figure out their dad's business partner or the "auntie" who visited their mom every month had a little more going on.

- Plus there's way more gender non-conformity and varying degrees of trans-ing than the powers that be have a handle on. Pel isn't unique, even if most would have to somehow make it out into space to be able to thrive.

Damn a lot of these are just my personal bugbears plus THE GILDED AGE BUT WITH HAIRLESS SPACE RODENTS ain't they

- Women can't earn profit, okay. But lending or "lending" things to each other isn't commerce, riiiiiiight? To be assigned female is to master navigating a vast, dizzying barter/gift economy. Smart boys and men leverage this, too, and there are splinter sects that view this as the purest expression of the Great Material Continuum.

- Of course plenty of women make profit anyway, and just do their bast to dodge the FCA. The tough thing about insisting on using latinum as currency is that cash can be so hard to track, you know?

- Because of the RoA, guys are discouraged from doing favors or giving gifts without setting clear expectation of getting some return on investment. This can twist into an expression of friendship (and of course women do it too), and the ledger will keep cycling between debit and credit among friends for decades. A common mistake aliens make is to tell them recompense isn't needed without explaining why, or return their favor or present with something that zeroes out the debt. The Ferengi will assume you want to break off the friendship. (I cribbed this from dim memories of an African studies course I took in 2007 and whose textbook I know I still have but I can't frigging find it...)

- Flirting, they do a lot of it for a lot of reasons. Roddenberry made it clear that they're just straight up pretty horny, but there's no reason it can't pull double duty for building alliances with other people, smoothing over feuds or disagreements, or cementing friendships. Ferengi who are ace and/or sex-repulsed are possibly viewed similar to the way we'd view someone who's "not a hugger/not big on touching" and if they flirt just don't get offended if it doesn't go any further; aro Ferengi don't garner much comment aside from an occasional "wow how badass, never falling in love with anyone."

- where to even start on making sense of the Blessed Exchequer??? Like seriously, what is this literal prosperity gospel insanity, I need to force myself to re-read Rand and like, some Milton Friedman for this shit. Help.

- fuck I'm probably going to actually do that, RIP me...

[wyldheartwolf]

partner search

Hi, hey, hello! I’m looking for some new long term writing partners.

Basics about me first: she/her, queer, crazy cat lady, british. My timezone is GMT which may cause issues. 

Please note I will not play against anyone below 20 and have a very strong preference of over 25. 

Basics:

Only write over private discord servers these days

Writing wise I can be multiple replies a day (sometimes rapid fire) to every couple of days depending what is going on. I work full time and typically a little social a few times a week.

Okay! What I’m looking for in terms of writing an what you will get from me:

Enthusiasm to chat about our muses and ships, how to crush them and then gushing over fluffy moments. Someone who is open to crazy shenanigans. I love twists and turns. Secrets, betrayals. Love/hate relationships. Toxicity. I love drama and emotional pain, I love crying over muses and what the heck they’re doing. I want HBO meets CW. I want my heart ripped from my chest. I want to love these characters and the world we create. I want to make pinterest boards, spotify playlists and graphics. Yes, I’m one of those kind of writers.

Have an idea for a ship? A scene? Found a picture which has inspired you? Give it to me. I want a partner where we can have multiple things going on. Someone who is open to inspiration from so many different things. Ever better if some how it’s all interconnected in the same world. I love having interconnected stories, depth, muses who have more than just lovers. Friends, family, enemies, etc. 

My big dream would be: The City. It’s a supernatural city of our own making which we get to fill with various stories and goings on. It’s a little bit magical city with hidden alleyways and markets, maybe an underground city. Strange beasts in the night. I think it would be so fun to be able to fill this with various muses and stories, some aware of the supernatural around. Some not. A big inspiration for this is like the marvel or DC universe: that layering of stories and elements. Aliens, supernatural etc. It’s all just there and you don’t look to hard into it and we just have fun writing. We just enjoy what we create and the world we create.

I write all genders and sexualities. I do prefer playing either queer men, females, trans, non-binary or even femboi/futa style. Also open to including some anthro honestly. Also I love monsters and different races etc. In terms of NSFW top/bottom - I will write verse and I am not looking for someone who will only play bottom. I want the opportunity to play both/all sides. I also love omegaverse with mpreg/knotting etc. Also I love casts of characters. 

NSFW is very, very welcome. This is a judgement free zone and I’m kinky myself. I love sharing NSFW art found and taking inspiration etc. I’m also very open to violence/drugs/dark/taboo themes etc. Pedophilia is an absolute hard no, as any kind of child or animal abuse. Along with scat/sexual gore etc. It just isn’t for me. I will happily send my kink list when we’re talking.

I’m looking for someone who will give and not just take. I want a partner who is willing to improv writing - to throw things in as they’re inspired. I do find it is often myself writing the ‘drama’ side of things. The one who writes the betrayals, the shocks etc. I want to find a partner where we both throw things in, where it isn’t left to one person to lead a scene and keep it going. I want there to be times when I’m wondering what you might come up with for something - and similarly I’ll do the same for you. Don’t leave all the work to me, otherwise it isn’t going to work. I’m a spontaneous writer and would love to see that in my partners too. 

Themes/Aesthetics/Relationships: broken characters, enemies to lovers, science/experiment, arranged marriages, (legal!!) age gaps, cop x criminal, grumpy x sunshine, tol x smol, fake relationships, shifting power dynamics, pet names, bodyguard x assignment, soulmates, bounty hunter x prey, possessive wolves/demons, vampires, monsters falling in love, found family, post-apoc, grim dark, hopelessness, drama, heartbreak, betrayal, dark,  family dynamics. Switches. omegaverse. Mpreg. Kink in relationships. Forbidden love, unexpected love. unrequited love, Power bottoms, soft bois, Assertive women, Strong women who learn how to be vulnerable, betrayal. Dark Academia, bad deals, creepy magic, twisted magic. 

If you are under 20, if you only play females or you only play submissive characters please don’t reach out. 

My discord is wyldwolfheart#4157 and my messages are open. Please let me know your age, pronouns, inspirations, what ships you might want, what you’re interested in. 

[unrepentantchaos]

partner search

Hi, hey, hello! I’m looking for some new long term writing partners.

Basics about me first: she/her, queer, crazy cat lady, british. My timezone is GMT which may cause issues.

Please note I will not play against anyone below 20 and have a very strong preference of over 25.

Basics:

Only write over private discord servers these days

Writing wise I can be multiple replies a day (sometimes rapid fire) to every couple of days depending what is going on. I work full time and typically a little social a few times a week.

Okay! What I’m looking for in terms of writing an what you will get from me:

Enthusiasm to chat about our muses and ships, how to crush them and then gushing over fluffy moments. Someone who is open to crazy shenanigans. I love twists and turns. Secrets, betrayals. Love/hate relationships. Toxicity. I love drama and emotional pain, I love crying over muses and what the heck they’re doing. I want HBO meets CW. I want my heart ripped from my chest. I want to love these characters and the world we create. I want to make pinterest boards, spotify playlists and graphics. Yes, I’m one of those kind of writers.

Have an idea for a ship? A scene? Found a picture which has inspired you? Give it to me. I want a partner where we can have multiple things going on. Someone who is open to inspiration from so many different things. Ever better if some how it’s all interconnected in the same world. I love having interconnected stories, depth, muses who have more than just lovers. Friends, family, enemies, etc.

My big dream would be: The City. It’s a supernatural city of our own making which we get to fill with various stories and goings on. It’s a little bit magical city with hidden alleyways and markets, maybe an underground city. Strange beasts in the night. I think it would be so fun to be able to fill this with various muses and stories, some aware of the supernatural around. Some not. A big inspiration for this is like the marvel or DC universe: that layering of stories and elements. Aliens, supernatural etc. It’s all just there and you don’t look to hard into it and we just have fun writing. We just enjoy what we create and the world we create.

I write all genders and sexualities. I do prefer playing either queer men, females, trans, non-binary or even femboi/futa style. Also open to including some anthro honestly. Also I love monsters and different races etc. In terms of NSFW top/bottom - I will write verse and I am not looking for someone who will only play bottom. I want the opportunity to play both/all sides. I also love omegaverse with mpreg/knotting etc. Also I love casts of characters.

NSFW is very, very welcome. This is a judgement free zone and I’m kinky myself. I love sharing NSFW art found and taking inspiration etc. I’m also very open to violence/drugs/dark/taboo themes etc. Pedophilia is an absolute hard no, as any kind of child or animal abuse. Along with scat/sexual gore etc. It just isn’t for me. I will happily send my kink list when we’re talking.

I’m looking for someone who will give and not just take. I want a partner who is willing to improv writing - to throw things in as they’re inspired. I do find it is often myself writing the ‘drama’ side of things. The one who writes the betrayals, the shocks etc. I want to find a partner where we both throw things in, where it isn’t left to one person to lead a scene and keep it going. I want there to be times when I’m wondering what you might come up with for something - and similarly I’ll do the same for you. Don’t leave all the work to me, otherwise it isn’t going to work. I’m a spontaneous writer and would love to see that in my partners too.

Themes/Aesthetics/Relationships: broken characters, enemies to lovers, science/experiment, arranged marriages, (legal!!) age gaps, cop x criminal, grumpy x sunshine, tol x smol, fake relationships, shifting power dynamics, pet names, bodyguard x assignment, soulmates, bounty hunter x prey, possessive wolves/demons, vampires, monsters falling in love, found family, post-apoc, grim dark, hopelessness, drama, heartbreak, betrayal, dark,  family dynamics. Switches. omegaverse. Mpreg. Kink in relationships. Forbidden love, unexpected love. unrequited love, Power bottoms, soft bois, Assertive women, Strong women who learn how to be vulnerable, betrayal. Dark Academia, bad deals, creepy magic, twisted magic.

If you are under 20, if you only play females or you only play submissive characters please don’t reach out.

My discord is wofitz#6666 and my messages are open. Please let me know your age, pronouns, inspirations, what ships you might want, what you’re interested in.

[komoryriku]

Queering KH: Part 2

How to Queer this Anime Game? By me, an American nerd lol

Pictured: Dream. Drop. Distance. Sequel. 8)))

What is Queering 

I’m so excited to talk about this okay this is literally the only fun thing I get to do as an English major anymore lmao.

“Queering a text” is the academic term for taking a given text and extracting the queer subtext of it, or applying a queer reading to it. It is taking a piece of literature, film, or art and reading into it for the gay coding. It is an especially important tool for reading old literature written during periods of extreme homosexual oppression, wherein the author would be forced to hide hints of homosexuality under layers and layers of superficial text.

Pictured: Sora and Riku battling Ursula as she means to wreck their ship, mirroring the disaster that Sora’s friends Eric and Ariel (lovers) faced at sea.

As a post-structuralist, I am also here to inform you that every text is made up of intertextual influence. This means whether the JK Rowlings of the world intended it or not, their characters may well be queer coded because of the unconscious influence of homoerotic customs in our culture that have permeated the text. It’s why people speculated that Newt Scamander was gay, because he showed little interest in Tina and preferred to focus on his beasts, which is not normative for a male protagonist in straight media. People likewise considered that Merida from Pixar’s Brave might be gay, because she had no interest in dating men and wanted to live a wild lifestyle traditionally associated with masuculinity, things that are pretty in line with lesbian coding. And let me tell you, lgbt claimed Queen Elsa IMMEDIATELY for very good reason. Pretty much everything about her journey, purposefully or not, makes for an strikingly overt gay metaphor. Let it Go is a coming out song for a woman suffocating under normativity all her life, deal with it.

Same, Elsa.

Oh whoops I accidentally pasted this picture of Riku here.

Keep Cultural Distinctions in Mind

Something else important I want to point out is that different cultures are- different lol. They are going to vary. What is queer coding here is not necessarily queer coding in Japan. A man presenting femininely in American media would certainly get him coded as gay. A bishonen in an anime though? Not so much. Men bathing together in Japan is common practice so that would mean nothing gay over there. In America however, you have things like this vine. 

In which 2 dudes are chilling as far away as possible from each other in a hot tub to prove they are not gay lol.

So when I say the male members of Organization XIII bathe together, it means literally nothing in a Japanese context.  

But let me tell you this: homosexual mlm tend to enjoy bathing with other dudes. Sexual attraction is sexual attraction no matter where you go. So how would you queer code a Japanese character as gay in a hot tub context? 

By American logic, if the straight thing to do is sit 5 feet apart in a hot tub, then the inverse, the gay thing to do, would be 2 men sitting very close together in a hot tub. So if I were to code 2 American male characters as gay in a hot tub context, that is what I would do. But if I really wanted to hammer it home, I would ALSO have them blushing so there is no straight explanation for their closeness. 

And for a Japanese character, for whom bathing with men might well mean nothing, I’d definitely have them physically blush, so that you know it does NOT just “mean nothing” to him...

Oh look at that. Amano went out of her way to draw Roxas blushing at the concept of bathing with men. So when I say “the members of Orginization XIII bathe together”, you know that means something to Roxas, cuz the coding tells us so. There are indeed certain ways you can depict a shonen being either interested in or at least affected by that idea. You just have to mind those codes telling you what the character really feels, especially when they can’t really say it.

Speaking of blushes, Amano uses them a lot. 

They’re a pretty effective tool for hiding gay coding into your characters cuz an anime character might blush for any number of reasons, from being flustered by their crush, 

to being flustered because they don’t have a crush.

If you’ve ever translated Japanese media, (I haven’t, but I have friends who do), you know that Japanese is very vague which means you need the whole context to properly understand a scene. It’s a similar situation with queer coding. Consider this scene of Roxas blushing. 

If Roxas felt positively about the insinuation that he and Xion are holding hands, how might one code this? Well, if he’s feeling really excited about it in a positive way, you might draw him smiling or expressing flattery on his blushing face. However, Roxas reacts negatively, with a frown on his blushing face. This insinuates he does not like this idea at all, especially since he also shuts it down right away in his dialogue.

But you might say “Well how do we know he isn’t just shy?” to which I say- well we can’t know. That’s the whole point of queer coding in literature. It is to say a character is queer but without actually saying it, to give plausible deniability for safety. It is to suggest a character is queer but without any confirmation. It does not mean that the character isn’t queer, however. It just means it cannot be confirmed by the text alone. However, a bold text that is very determined to have hidden queer characters without any straight explanations, will provide coding that has very little or no straight explanation. 

Back to the Roxas and Xion dialogue^. This scene alone cannot confirm or deny anything. As I explained however, the suggestion that Roxas is not straight IS there. Considering the whole context, also, this scene is another piece of “evidence” to add to the pile of suggestions that Roxas isn’t straight. This coupled with the bathing panel, and this panel of him admiring Axel, his male mentor, with deep flattery during his first day of adventuring, all exist.

Roxas does not express negative sentiments in his blushing at men, nor does he say anything dismissive to them. When he blushes at Xion’s comment, however, it is with a negative reaction. Consider also that if the author wanted Roxas to appear straight, she would present them in ways that allude to straightness and NOT in ways that allude to queerness. Roxas would not do suggestively queer things like blush in flattery at Axel calling him special and then dismiss Xion’s suggestion that they are holding hands if he were simply coded as straight. Queering a text sometimes requires a lot of critical thought like this. This is because again, these things are hidden, and sometimes hidden really well so that unsuspecting straight people will not even consider the queer suggestions. This is one of the advantages Nomura has in his favor with Kingdom Hearts: by making it so convoluted, the gay text can be forward, strong, and blatant but remain undetected by straight powers. This keeps the series safe from oppressive scrutiny. Characters like Namine and Xion can exist as literal illustrations of compulsory-heterosexuality. And people will still think Sora and Riku are straight. 

Even if I don’t know all the queer codes Japanese culture might specifically have, (and I do not, I do not live in Japan nor have any semblance of what that is like beyond what my friends who have lived there can tell me, and what I can research while sitting in my pajamas in Kentucky lol), there are certain things that are rather universal. Blushing, physical contact, lingering gazes, etc etc. Attraction is attraction and certain body language and other physical symbols will translate and will travel. So that’s the majority of what I will have to focus on. 

But I do want you to know that rainbows are still gay in Japan. 

Finally I also want to express that cultural intermingling is a thing. We do not live in bubbles, especially with the internet. Our cultures affect each other ALL the time. Although Kingdom Hearts is primarily a Japanese series, it is consciously tailored to appeal to both America and Japan. This is by design given the idea was to marry a Japanese hit like Final Fantasy with an American phenomenon like Disney’s media. This is why they take special care in minding the English translations and dubbing of the KH games (when they are able to do so, mistakes are still very often made and i hate it cuz they’re usually heterosexual-agenda-pushing “mistakes” =~=). The games are so intimately tied to both the Japanese and American cultures they are derived from which is part of why accurate translations are so important. And given what they would mean for queer audiences, what they represent for queer people makes accurate translations even MORE important. Some things get quite lost in translation, and some things are grossly added in translation. We will discuss that down the line...   

A brief aside that I implore you to ignore:

On the subject of Roxas not being straight, I have heard of one really fun queer motif in Japanese media which is ”ryoutoutsukai (両刀使い)”, “the two sword fencer”: the dual wielding bisexual. Now- I do not necessarily think this is a means of coding Roxas as bisexual, and beyond that, from what I’ve heard in my research on bisexuality in Japan, certain age groups don’t even believe in bisexuality there. However, a love of more than one gender exists no matter who is willing to acknowledge it or not, and this motif is there. And Promisekeeper and Oblivion do rather fit the bill of representing homosexuality (Oblivion/Soriku) and heteronormativity (Promisekeeper/Sora and his childhood friend Kairi). So- while i don’t think it means anything, this fun idea is there~  I will say, however, that as far as I can tell, Nomura and his staff know exactly what they’re doing with their queer coding and are well connected to it in both cultures. So I mean- if any anime team would know bisexuality exists and how to code it, I firmly believe the KH team would, so. There is some food for thought for you~

Get ready for part 3, I hope you like TWEWY~ B)

[allthephils]

I hope this is not invasive and you can just say you don’t want to talk about it. I am curious about being an adult with grown children while being queer or dating a woman. What I’m asking is did or do your children know? Most of the time it’s the other way around and children come out to parents. But I know alot of children have come out to a parent and the parents has been like “I think I’m bi too, or I use to date girls before I married X.” I think it’s beautiful and Id love to know everyone’s story. We need more queer women’s stories. We need more stories from women who didn’t know they were queer till later on. If that’s in their 30s, 50s or 70s. (Not that I’m saying that applies to you) I know women who didn’t know they were even attracted to girls till they were into their adult years. Like me. I just want to say you and your partner seem very happy. I wish nothing but the best for you both.

I don’t mind talking about it at all! I agree that telling our stories really helps to make the world a little smaller and hopefully safer feeling for other queer people out there. I am nothing if not wordy though so I’ll put my response under the cut.

I have to say first that we are not a typical American family. My kids were raised as gender neutral as I could muster so they could figure it out on their own and queerness has always been openly acknowledged and discussed in our family. Feminism and sexual health, as well as civil rights have always been topics of discussion at our dinner table. I have three adult kids as well as a little one. The adult three are all queer and out. Even in our family, it took all of them some time to come out and then to come out to me. Which just goes to illustrate that it’s not about anyone but the person figuring it all out. My family, at least the ones close to us that we actually talk to, is super accepting too. My close family is not religious or politically conservative. I am very lucky.

I knew I was attracted to women my whole life, my first kiss was with a girl when I was around 11. Still, compulsory heterosexuality is some real bullshit. I told myself everyone thinks women are beautiful, everyone finds them attractive, everyone feels sexual desire toward them, doesn’t make me bi. Lol. What does that say about what our society values in human relationships? What does it say about the way women are framed in our culture and what that does to young people and the way they see themselves? I can’t even imagine how much more difficult that culture makes it for people who don’t experience sexual desire or don’t prioritize it to figure out. There are so many layers I could go off about but I’ll save that soapbox for another time. I had a lot of shame. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be queer, like I hadn’t earned it somehow. I was attracted to gender-nonconforming people and masculine presenting women and somehow I used that as proof that I was a fraud. There was definitely some internalized biphobia as well. I spent my adolescence with a very gay group of friends. All my time was spent at gay bars and goth clubs. And yet, I still couldn’t get to that place of comfort even though I knew there was something missing for me. Honestly, watching my kids figure themselves out taught me so much and changed my perspective on so many things. I’ve always said kids teach you more than you teach them, if you listen. They really helped me out but they didn’t know that at the time. (Can we learn from our kids without making them the parent in the scenario please? Thank you) This phandom also helped me grow comfortable being open about my queerness.

I finally figured it out/admittted it to myself in my late 30s and didn’t come out to anyone till I was at least 40. I told my mom and she literally forgot. That’s how much she didn’t mind. Again, I’m lucky but I also felt like she didn’t take it seriously. When I told her about my relationship, she asked if i was “switching sides or just trying it out.” Lol. I gently reminded her of my previous coming out. I never actually came out to my sisters but they just kind of figured it out. My daughter, who is gay, has known the longest. We hang out weekly (precovid) and we talk about everything. My other two kids only found out recently. They are both trans and their path has been winding and complex. It just wasn’t time to make it about me. All of them are supportive and so happy for me. My 7 year old knows all the words to discuss his family so he can be proud. It’s just normal to him because it is normal. He knows I have a girlfriend and he knows I identify as queer and/or bi. The only people I’ve had to ”come out’ to in the traditional sense of the term are my co-parent’s family. They weren’t surprised after knowing my family. Some of them are supportive, some not. I genuinely don’t have time for anyone who can’t love me for who I am. If you have to leave pieces of me out of your stories about me, then maybe you just don’t get to have those stories. If I make them uncomfortable at family gatherings, they can leave. I’m still telling people all the time but it’s usually just , “oh I’m in a relationship with the most wonderful woman.” And my friends are happy for me. I don’t know many straight people though :) There’s my story. I hope I get to read your story too at some point, anon. 🖤🖤

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Bisexual Dating is Hard. Here Are 5 Reasons Why

By Amy Stretten

3/02/14 10:44AM

Bisexuals make up the third letter of the LGBT(Q) alphabet soup. But sometimes they feel a bit left out.

In case you were unaware, bisexuals (the “B” in LGBTQ) are "family," too. Men and women who love both men and women fall within the rainbow umbrella, but for some reason they don’t always feel the love.

New York magazine recently profiled the "four most desirable people on OKCupid." There were two women (one lesbian and one straight woman) and two men (one gay and one straight). If they’re going to stick to those binaries, the least they could do is include two bisexuals, amirite?

Despite the criticisms of its lack of inclusion of diverse gender and sexuality options, OKCupid touts that it is the “best free dating site on Earth.” Indeed, it's known for being one of the trendiest dating sites. It also provides various features to keep "the gays" from "the straights" which is an added layer of protection for women who love women, and who have no interest in men and their invitations for threesomes. But even bisexuals have a hard time looking for love on the site.

Here are the five biggest misconceptions that make it hard out there for a bisexual who’s in the pursuit of love:

1. You’re greedy … and freaky!

Being bisexual means you want to have your cake and eat it too … right? How could you ever be satisfied with just one person if you identify as bisexual? People like Ani DiFranco seem like a myth when it comes to negotiating bisexual identity. But, really, it is possible.

Bisexual means "kinky and into threesomes … right? All of those gay/straight couples may want you to help them spice up their boring relationship.

2. You’re just experimenting.

People of the same sex that you’re interested may think you're only pretending to be bi. I mean, bisexuals can't commit, right?

There’s a prevailing myth that being bisexual means that you don’t want—or are unable—to commit. Obviously no one wants to be cheated on, but for some, there’s an extra sting when their lover cheats with someone of a different sex from them. Men feel like they can’t give you what a woman can and ironically women feel they can’t give you what a man can. Bisexuals bring out insecurities in everyone!

3. You’re really just gay!

Bisexuals—especially men—are often questioned about their sexual orientation. The term “sexual orientation” (a natural sexual attraction) vs. “sexual preference” (like having a taste for a salad instead of a sandwich) makes all the difference here. As someone who “likes both,” it can be hard to convince people of your identity. If only people understood that we can’t control our sexual desires, right?

And there's a double standard, too! A lot of men who like women truly believe that any woman could be into them (regardless of her sexual orientation). But when it comes to a bisexual man, many women see them as gay.

4. You don’t fit in with "family."

Though you are, in fact, part of the LGBTQ fam, you may often feel left out. If you mostly hang out with queer friends, you may feel judged when you’re dating someone of the opposite sex (especially if they are cisgender).

If you’re a woman who hangs out with lesbians, they may roll their eyes when you tell them you’re dating a man. If you’re a man who is friends with a group of gay men, they may shudder when you say you’ve met a hot woman. People expect you to pick whether you like men or women, when in reality you just like both!

5. It's double the work.

If you’re looking for love online, with most sites you have to make two accounts. Yes, even on OKCupid. While the site does allow you to identify as bisexual, for many, that solicits unwanted invitations to "spice up" a heterosexual relationship and can mean disinterest from those who feel threatened knowing their would-be partner goes "both ways.”

There are smaller niche sites, but the bigger ones have the highest traffic, so it would be ideal to have an account on those.

For some, bisexuals “confuse” things. For this reason, they're often left out of articles like the one New York magazine recently published.

Hopefully one day we will allow for more complexity in our conversations about those who don’t necessarily fit into one box. Once we can begin talking about it, the way we each love won’t seem so complicated.

[nonbinarypoststhings]

Hi, irrelevant, I know, but do you remember anything about the highschool period of your life? I swear this part is the most stressful part of all my life, first I figure out my sexuality, then I move away from all my friends, then my gender, and as if it's not enough, add to that school and standardised tests and all the typical drama of being a teen. Oh and also don't forget that you're somehow supposed to make choices that will affect the rest of your life.How does anyone even survive it?

I do remember my high school life, and as I have reconnected with one of my old classmates recently, I've even talked a bit about it with her.

(Warning for Homophobia, transphobia, Sexism, Racism. Only the homophobia is like explicit, but the others are mentioned. Feel free to tell me if there is more warnings I should have. Also, long post)

High school is a tough period of time for everyone. Everyone is struggling with who they are, and what they want in life.

And add in the layer of being Lgbtq+ it becomes more frustrating.

I have a hard time translating the school things from my country to others, but I believe I graduated what would be translated into high school only this year, but I will still talk about my old school which I graduated from three years ago.

My class back then was not the best place for anyone who is lgbtq+. Me and the classmate I mentioned earlier connected well back then, and still do now, but the rest of them..? Not so much (I will also exclude two more people from that rest, who also is my friends now).

We were a class of 22 or 23, and yes I believe that most of us probably were at least somewhat accepting of the lgbtq+ community, we still only had, from what I know, 2 people who actually is in the community. Neither of us accepted it at the time, even though we both were proudly supportive of the community.

The thing is, she struggled with internalized shit about her identity and that delayed the realization.

I was genderfluid, and same thing there. I denied my own gender because, my friend was nonbinary, I couldn't also be, right? So internlized shit that delayed the realization.

Neither of us came to term with it until after we had left that school.

But I have a clear memory of us both Hating our class, we were a class of mainly guys, and every single guy was white (tbf, we had 1 person who wasn't white in our class all together).

We all know what white cis straight men are famous for...

Being bigots.

I don't know if anything has changed these past years, I haven't talked to them. But back then,

At least half of them were openly sexist, homophobic, transphobic etc.

I have a clear memory, that still Disgusts me so much to this day, of a sex ed class where the teacher, bless her, tried to be inclusive and ask us what we thought about gay couples. (Not how it should be done, but it was atleast a try in the right direction) The guys, who always ran the show (the ones I hated more than I think I can explain), said (TW for Homophobia):

"Gay guys are disgusting. Lesbians are hot".

I was so mad, my skin was crawling with disgust, still is when I think about it. To everyone who only accept lesbians because they think it's hot, you are disgusting. Lesbians are real people and they are not there to please some man. It's not for you, it's between the lesbian and her girlfriend and you should Stay Out Of It!

It wasn't a great place to be out in, so maybe it wasn't weird for us to ignore our own identity, to not want to be lgbtq+ in that space, because if we had been out back then even just to ourselves we would've had to face these people every day and therefore face these kind of things knowing that they are talking about us like this. Even though they didn't know it, they were and it was disgusting and terrible.

(I am not saying repress your gender or sexuality until you are older, you don't have to do that at all. Just be safe, and know that if people are mean or ignorant, they are wrong. You are valid and loved and we all support you so much. Find support, and don't let bigots tear you down. You are Valid and you are who You are no matter what others tell you)

I wanted out of that class, from those people, ever since I was like 6-7 years old. I hoped when we switched school when we were 12-13 that I would end up without a bunch of them. I did still have that same class, which really I had expected even if I hoped differently.

At 16 I got a change to move across the country, I took it. Actually, I kinda fought for it, and I was lucky enough to get it.

Moving away from all my friends were scary even if I had made an active choice to do so. I was terrified that I would be lonely, and that everyone at this new school would be terrible and I had to move back home and face that shame of failure (obvs, it wouldn't be actual failure to get out of a toxic place if it has been that, but I saw it as such)

When I came to this new school, everything was super different from back home.

My class was, to my standards, filled with so many different people with different cultures. All of them different from mine because I was from across the country, from a small town. And suddenly here I was in a gigantic city.

Anyway, this school taught me a lot, about everything. My class had openly Lgbtq+ people. My new friends were suddenly all queer or questioning, and I was in awe, because... It could be like this?

Also, everyone was super nice to me. Asking for my instagram on day 1 so we could be friends on there, showing me how to get back home in this new city when everything was so new to be, starting conversations and being just geniune good people. Like, huge shout out to those people.

I learned so much about oppression, and how to stand against it in this school, not because I myself was oppressed, I'm white and at the time I thought I was cishet.

No, I learned because our teachers wanted us to learn about all these things that I knew were real problems but I had only heard of in fiction, never in real life.

I got to a safe space, where racist teachers got fired asap. Where teachers were openly queer and my classmates could come out as trans to the class simply by stating their new name and pronouns. No questions asked. I got to a school where every introduction included name and pronouns. Where we were all shown that we can be who we are and that is okay. And where teachers apologized to students in a real and honest way when they did something wrong.

In this environment I got to figure out who I am. Yes it took two years, but I figured it out and felt safe enough to tell my new friends in weeks, because they accept everyone.

So, the question, how do you survive high school?

My answer is simply, you hold onto the belief that you will survive, and that things will get better. And you will get there.

You can try to find other lgbtq+ people in your school, I know some have groups you can join (mine didn't).

And with the tests, I guess I recommend you study, and remember that a bad grade isn't the end of the world. You are worth more than a grade.

I wish I could promise you that you could enter a school like mine, where everything certainly wasn't perfect (you never get rid of high school drama...), but it was still a very friendly space.

But I can promise you that you are not alone and things will be better. If it gets better in high school or if it gets better years later, I can't tell you. But it does get better. And you will survive.

Also, sorry for this extremely long answer, it was probably not what you're looking for. But I hope you find an answer in there eitherway.

Long story short, high school is a shitshow, but the show must go on.

Also, gender neutral bathrooms in schools should be standard (it has been in all schools I've gone to and no one is complaining here, not even the transphobes).

Also, the reason why I barely mention the girls in my old class, is simply because there were almost none and nothing any of them have said when I've been around has been relevant to this answer.

Tell me if you want things tagged or added to the warnings at top.

[silenthillmutual]

alright let’s do this. let’s talk about why dankovsky is definitely trans.

i’m on day 6 now so i guess i’ll add some shit to the pile as it goes along

of course i could make a ton of jokes that are vague gestures like “i, too, am 5′2 and have my bachelor’s degree, so as a gay trans man i of course know one when i see one”. and i can! i do! i can confirm that at 27 we are just Like That. i think there’s also something to be said about him getting called ‘dandy’ and ‘fop’ by people (which, btw, have been used as slang terms for gay men) - something my friends and i all noticed after starting HRT is that we now care way more about our appearances - but that’s more of the same, more on the fun side of personal interpretation.

but since my bachelor’s degree is in being Deeply Disrespectful*, i might as well go over what i consider to be text-based evidence in favor of this interpretation. because this is the kind of thing i do in my spare time, for fun.

at the moment my working memory only gives me three big things to go on:

first, the carouser who suggests that the mara / shabnak-adyr / steppe creature is actually daniil. all of the steppe creatures mentioned in the game thus far, to my knowledge, take on the guise of women. beyond the obvious (daniil being read as a woman, or effeminate in appearance - something i’ll mention in the next point as well), there’s the fact that all of these steppe creatures appear as something that they aren’t. this could work on several levels; by day 6, people are starting to turn on daniil. because he’s become more or less a glorified errand boy and political chess piece, it would be easy to take a step back and see how he’s being scapegoated now. he’s been set up, as an outsider, as an easy target for disdain - all three of the healers have been, which really comes to a head for him & clara specifically in day 6 (artemiy has been getting it from the first day but by day 6 has disappeared). and although this rumor about daniil comes from talking to the carouser, talking to the teenage boy and the tot will reveal that other NPCs are starting to see him as a failure, too; the tot specifically says “we are so, so afraid of you”. daniil gets called a Harbinger of Death. but this takes on an extra layer of meaning if daniil is in danger of being read as lying about who he is, in terms of gender (which i’ll talk about in point 3).

second, and this isn’t specifically about daniil being trans - but i think he’s almost definitely meant to be read as queer, but maybe with the exact label being open to interpretation. he gets called a fop and a dandy, both of which refer to foolish and vain men who spend too much time focused on their appearance (so it’s kind of funny that he can comment on the wealthy man npc and ask him about the “mad tailor” who came up with his outfit. is daniil insulting it, or is he looking to buy it?) - but those are also both terms that have been used as slang to describe gay men. i’ve seen it mentioned before that although this game doesn’t have dating sim elements in it that daniil can flirt with maria and eva...but honestly? he has flirtatious dialogue with pretty much everyone within his age range. i mean, good god, in artemiy’s route, the his first interaction with daniil includes daniil referencing plato’s description of soulmates to describe them. and artemiy can sleep in his bed. and, actually, with that in mind - rats and dogs aren’t the only ones who take the blame for carrying and spreading disease outbreaks: trans and gay people get thrown under the bus here all the time, too...and daniil is sometimes implied and other times outright accused of being the source of the plague or of its spread. plenty of video games are sloppy, and i could easily handwave something like that...but pathologic is hardly sloppy, so i couldn’t shrug it away here. 

last: daniil’s entire route seems to keep circling back to misogyny. in the context of psychological horror, part of what makes the genre its own distinction is bringing the central character’s most secret fears to fruition. this is a staple of the silent hill series; all of alessa’s terrors come to life in silent hill as relentlessly hunted by her mother (while harry, who adores his daughter, has to search to try and find her the whole game, only to fail no matter how well you did), james and angela and eddie are all forced to come to terms with the murders they committed and what that means about them as people, and one of heather’s underlying fears is the terror of sexual assault and pregnancy that leads up to the reveal of how exactly she’s going to give birth to god. and daniil’s route is about uncovering the truth - but the townsfolk’s ideas of uncovering the truth is in brutalizing women, frequently with comments as to how well they perform gender. despite aspity projecting her internalized misogyny on daniil, he has plenty of snarky and furious comments to make about the way women in the town are treated. and here’s what would make this extra horrifying for daniil: they are already starting to turn on him, so what exactly would they do to the doctor they now see as an agent of chaos if he’s outed as afab? the entire context surrounding the townsfolks’ desire to expose women as monsters pulling tricks reeks of transphobia. the steppe creatures do really exist - or at least, one of them does, should you do sticky’s sidequest for day 6 - and you could definitely attribute parts of daniil’s route to be a conflict of old world vs new world, city vs. country, and class oppression - as i think you’re meant to. but the misogyny keeps cropping up the sidelines like veins in an arm. it’s easy to see why mysticism vs. science is a big part of daniil’s journey in the game, and i think it’s (sadly) refreshing to see misogyny shown as an evil, and i get why these things are linked to daniil’s cynical ideas about the nature of humanity and how that’s at war with his being a doctor and the desire to “cure” death or at least extend longevity (it must be hard to want to see a world succeed that wants to see you fail). but what role does misogyny specifically and explicitly play in the horror aspect of his story? (please keep in mind that the realities of how transphobia and [misaimed] misogyny affect trans men needs a lot of nuance; if you are not a trans man yourself, please be open minded to the discussion.)

anyway. that’s what i got so far on my thoughts about the topic... i’m sure i’ll think of more stuff later but it’s like two in the morning and my hyperfix brain should go sleep, lol.

[wyldheartwolf]

Hi, hey, hello! I’m looking for some new long term writing partners.

Basics about me first: she/her, queer, crazy cat lady, british. My timezone is GMT which may cause issues.

Please note I will not play against anyone below 20 and have a very strong preference of over 25.

Basics:

Only write over private discord servers these days

Writing wise I can be multiple replies a day (sometimes rapid fire) to every couple of days depending what is going on. I work full time and typically a little social a few times a week.

Okay! What I’m looking for in terms of writing an what you will get from me:

Enthusiasm to chat about our muses and ships, how to crush them and then gushing over fluffy moments. Someone who is open to crazy shenanigans. I love twists and turns. Secrets, betrayals. Love/hate relationships. Toxicity. I love drama and emotional pain, I love crying over muses and what the heck they’re doing. I want HBO meets CW. I want my heart ripped from my chest. I want to love these characters and the world we create. I want to make pinterest boards, spotify playlists and graphics. Yes, I’m one of those kind of writers.

Have an idea for a ship? A scene? Found a picture which has inspired you? Give it to me. I want a partner where we can have multiple things going on. Someone who is open to inspiration from so many different things. Ever better if some how it’s all interconnected in the same world. I love having interconnected stories, depth, muses who have more than just lovers. Friends, family, enemies, etc.

My big dream would be: The City. It’s a supernatural city of our own making which we get to fill with various stories and goings on. It’s a little bit magical city with hidden alleyways and markets, maybe an underground city. Strange beasts in the night. I think it would be so fun to be able to fill this with various muses and stories, some aware of the supernatural around. Some not. A big inspiration for this is like the marvel or DC universe: that layering of stories and elements. Aliens, supernatural etc. It’s all just there and you don’t look to hard into it and we just have fun writing. We just enjoy what we create and the world we create.

I write all genders and sexualities. I do prefer playing either queer men, females, trans, non-binary or even femboi/futa style. Also open to including some anthro honestly. Also I love monsters and different races etc. In terms of NSFW top/bottom - I will write verse and I am not looking for someone who will only play bottom. I want the opportunity to play both/all sides. I also love omegaverse with mpreg/knotting etc. Also I love casts of characters.

NSFW is very, very welcome. This is a judgement free zone and I’m kinky myself. I love sharing NSFW art found and taking inspiration etc. I’m also very open to violence/drugs/dark/taboo themes etc. Pedophilia is an absolute hard no, as any kind of child or animal abuse. Along with scat/sexual gore etc. It just isn’t for me. I will happily send my kink list when we’re talking.

I’m looking for someone who will give and not just take. I want a partner who is willing to improv writing - to throw things in as they’re inspired. I do find it is often myself writing the ‘drama’ side of things. The one who writes the betrayals, the shocks etc. I want to find a partner where we both throw things in, where it isn’t left to one person to lead a scene and keep it going. I want there to be times when I’m wondering what you might come up with for something - and similarly I’ll do the same for you. Don’t leave all the work to me, otherwise it isn’t going to work. I’m a spontaneous writer and would love to see that in my partners too.

Themes/Aesthetics/Relationships: broken characters, enemies to lovers, science/experiment, arranged marriages, (legal!!) age gaps, cop x criminal, grumpy x sunshine, tol x smol, fake relationships, shifting power dynamics, pet names, bodyguard x assignment, soulmates, bounty hunter x prey, possessive wolves/demons, vampires, monsters falling in love, found family, post-apoc, grim dark, hopelessness, drama, heartbreak, betrayal, dark,  family dynamics. Switches. omegaverse. Mpreg. Kink in relationships. Forbidden love, unexpected love. unrequited love, Power bottoms, soft bois, Assertive women, Strong women who learn how to be vulnerable, betrayal. Dark Academia, bad deals, creepy magic, twisted magic.

If you are under 20, if you only play females or you only play submissive characters please don’t reach out.

My discord is wyldwolfheart#4157 and my messages are open. Please let me know your age, pronouns, inspirations, what ships you might want, what you’re interested in.

[flying-elliska]

What are the important bisexual characters that you said helped you? I am having a hard time finding good bi representation in which they aren’t considered promiscuous or unstable

Hiya anon ! What a quality question, thank you ! Here’s another mini essay about bi rep lmao.  If there are some that I forgot please tell me ! And to everyone, tell me about the bi characters who made an impact on your life, I’d love to know !!!!

Okay so.

-  When I answered the anon and talked about the characters that helped me come to terms with my sexuality, I talked about two in particular. Jack Harkness from Torchwood is depicted as very promiscuous, and somewhat instable. He still meant a lot to me because a) him sleeping around was never that much of a problem, it was because he was from the future, where things were different, which I thought was refreshing and b) his instability was because of the weight of being an immortal hero. Also fanon!Dean Winchester from SPN, as an older, more macho, emotionally witholding, badass dude written as bi meant a lot to me, but he doesn’t really avoid that stereotype either. But at least they were heroes.  However, I can understand wanting bi characters that actually don’t fit that stereotype, because bi people irl aren’t all like that, even if there is nothing wrong per se about sleeping with a lot of different people, or having mental issues to struggle with. And that was a while ago and now we have more and more cool characters ! Such as :

- Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. One of the best portrayals of bisexuality on TV imho. She didn’t start out as bi, she was this tough, cool, scary but with a heart of gold cop who had a lot of other plotlines before. But then, since they saw that a lot of wlw got this vibe from her, were really into her, and the actress came out as bi herself, they decided to use this. So it was super organic, and the way they introduced the subject was true to Rosa herself ; she’s a super private person, she doesn’t like anybody knowing about her life (it’s actually a running joke and Rosa Diaz has been implied to not even be her real name). But then she is dating a woman, and struggles with her parents not understanding and her coworkers find out, help her and support her. Her gay captain is there for her in his typical stoic but hilarious way. They organize game night with her when her parents won’t anymore. We see her crushing on women and dating, but it is treated exactly as the other character’s love life, they never make a big deal out of it. She isn’t the token queer character. She says outright she is bisexual and there is a specific point about her mom not understanding it’s not a phase and thinking she’ll end up with a man anyway, which #relatable. The focus is on the team as found family. Also right now she’s dating a butch woman, which is awesome since they are so underrepresented on TV and I hope we see more of her. That show really is my comfort show, it’s still bloodly hilarious and it really transcends the format to say some really deep woke stuff too, but never in a way that feels on the nose. Everyone should watch it tbh. 

- Korrasami ! Oh my god, I was so blown away when they got together. They’re two characters from the animated series Legend of Korra, they start out as rivals in love who have feelings for the same guy, but as they have to fight baddies together, they become bestest of friends, and both fall out of love with the guy. Then in season 3 and 4, their relationship becomes central to the show, as Asami stands by Korra through some really tough shit. Also, they’re both ultra badass and fight really well together. A lot of fans started reading their chemistry as romantic, but we’d never thought they’d actually go there. But the show ends with them walking into the ‘sunset’ (well, the spirit lands) together, holding hands. Now, it was never completely explicit on the show BUT they were dealing with a lot of censure from the networks and you have to be willingly obtuse not to read it as romantic. And after that the creators drew them on dates, and there is a comic series in which they are shown kissing, talking about their feelings, introducing each other to their families, etc. It made me feel so validated when it happened, and I just adore the whole ‘love triangle ditches the middle one and fall in gay love with each other’ trope. (is it a trope yet ? it should be.) It’s still a kids show at its core, but it has amazing depth and deals with some very deep shit. Korra starts off as a bit annoying but she has a really cool development, she’s a girl character we need more of - brave, dynamic but also brash and reckless and action driven in ways that are almost always exclusively shown for boys. And Asami is a more typical girly girl but she’s also a brilliant engineer and has a spine of steel and she’s also very slyly funny. They’re amazing. And the comics are super cute. 

- Now there are a lot of characters who are bi/pan that I love, and are good characters in themselves, but their arcs do intersect in some ways with promiscuity and mental instability. I’m thinking about Even from Skam and all his remake variants, Magnus Bane from Shadowhunters, several characters from Black Sails, Sarah Lance and Constantine from Legends of Tomorrow, Eleanor Shellstrop from the Good Place, Bo from Lost Girl, Ilana from Broad City, Joe McMillan from Halt and Catch Fire, God/Chuck from Supernatural (lmaooooo), several characters on Penny Dreadful, or in a totally different category, Vilanelle from Killing Eve or Hannibal from the series (who are hella bad guys but it’s never linked to their sexuality, and are also incredibly compelling to watch.)

 And even though these characters taken individually, I would argue, are good rep because they’re complex and layered and interesting and never one-dimensional (and watching them feels incredibly empowering at times)....it’s still a trend. I feel like when writing a character that is attracted to multiple genders, there is always this sort of...tangle of tropes that writers default to, unconsciously. Some negative and some positive. It used to be this trope of bis being villainous, instable, jealous, flaky, immature, perverted, manipulative, cheaters, amoral, greey, etc...and then it evolved into something of a reclaiming and subverting this trope. So now you feel like the Bi Character kind of has to be badass, glamorous, seductive, often superpowered or extraordinary in other ways.. And they also for multiple reasons (they’re immortal, they’re sensitive artist souls, they’re from the future, they’re psycho, they’re exccentric comic relief, they’re daring adventurers and pioneers) don’t care about social norms which allows them to sleep and fall in love with whomever. And so they tend to have those super busy romantic/sexual histories and very troubled backstories. In the past it was a bad thing, now it’s often presented as this positive, enlightened or at least fun and badass thing. They’re heroic, with big hearts, a tremendous lust for life and a cool rebellious attitude. They’re complex, dramatic, tortured. Which can be super cool, too. 

But it would be nice to have more ‘normal’ bi characters. I mean, boring bisexuals need to see themselves represented too ! Our sexualities don’t give us super powers. At the same time, it is true that bisexual ppl have higher rates of mental illness, which deserves to be explored, but it would be nice if it was actually articulated and not just part of this trope.  But still. We need rep, I think, that is more grounded and varied. So I think that’s also why I read a lot of fanfic. (I was really into the idea of bi Steve Rogers for a long time, partly also because he’s both very mentally resilient, kinda boring in a good way, and very unexperienced in terms of sex/romance, which is pretty much the opposite of the trope)

- I think books, and YA in general, are a good place to find these ‘normal bis’ characters. I’m thinking in particular of Leah from Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli (from the same book series that gave us the ‘Love, Simon’ movie) which is a super sweet coming of age/romance story about a super normal teenager who just happens to be also into girls (esp her best friend) and is loud and funny and very lovable and has zero doubts about being bi. You also have Adam Parrish from the Raven Cycle, another one of my forever faves ; he has an abusive family so PTSD from that but it never feels tropey, and it’s completely detached from his sexuality. He has magic powers, too. But his character feels completely opposite to the trope. He’s hardworking, somewhat withholding, prickly (and sometimes awkward), ambitious, determined, down to earth, and has a beautiful love story with another boy. And also Jane, from Jane Unlimited by Kristin Cashore, also really cool ; she’s a nerdy, smart girl who is actually inspired by Jane Eyre who has cool adventures in a weird house where we can follow her on different paths depending on the choices she makes, several of which are love stories. And finally the main character from The Seven Husbands from Evelyn Hugo, kinda fits the trope yeahhh since she’s a super glam actress who well, has seven husbands but it’s a pretty clever deconstruction since it turns out (slight spoilers) that Evelyn is actually through most of her life faithful in heart to the same person and the rest is mostly out of necessity, and her story feels very real and raw and down to earth. 

- I don’t go there yet but I really want to check out Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and Schitt’s Creek which I have read have very good bi rep. And I want to catch up on Orphan Black (Cosima and Delphine both don’t have exact labels but they’re multi-gender attracted and they’re this cool couple of scientists in a relationship that gets a happy ending). I will never forgive what they did to Lexa so I stopped watching but I do think that Clarke Griffin from The 100 is very good bi rep. Alexia from Skam France, meanwhile, is a bit of a boundary case for me because, even though she’s presented as the ‘weird one’ from the group, very colorful and liberated and exccentric, she’s still a very normal teen who’s happy and comfortable in her own skin, which is awesome. 

- Disclaimer, I included characters in here that are also pan/omnisexual or don’t have a label but are attracted to several genders, for the purpose of this discussion i don’t think the difference is all that relevant at least to me (i mostly identify as bi for the sake of simplicity but tbh i could also fit under pan so i feel represented by all those characters). But I understand the importance of characters that state their identities more clearly and with pride. 

- So in conclusion : there is nothing wrong with having a sexually active life or struggling mentally (even tho that one is not fun). And I do love all my badass casanova time travelling super powered bis. 

But we need more bi characters that don’t fit that trope. We need bi characters in children’s shows, or that don’t have more than one relationship, or that don’t have a relationship at all, to break the tendency to always show bisexual ppl as overly sexual. We need bi characters in committed relationships to break this idea that bi characters are bound to cheat or can’t be satisified with only one person. We need bi characters that are mentally stable and successful and happy, to show that it’s possible. We need bi characters that are boring, bookish, nerdy, ordinary, clumsy, not particularly seductive, socially awkward, rule-sticklers, etc...to show that bi people are not all party animals, or doing it for attention, or to be wild, rebellious and socially progressive. It’s just a sexuality, it doesn’t say anything about your personality. Even though there are some correlations with MI or being bi might bring you in contact with more progressive ideas and to see life a bit differently, there is nothing automatic about it. 

- In conclusion, reading testimonies from real people also helped me a lot. It’s a very dated but I got the book “ Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out “ when I was struggling with my own sexuality and it helped a lot, to read that even back then (1991) you had all sorts of regular ppl claiming to be bi and that it was not a phase or a fad or whatever.