#lemony is hangfire’s son

[virtualfindingsdocumented]

The Wrong and Unfortunate Parallels

"I did in fact have a box of matches in my pocket, but I don’t think adults should be encouraged to smoke."

- Shouldn't You Be In School?

"(...) the children felt a shadow over them, and looked up to see a tall, skinny figure standing over them. In the darkness the children could not see any of his features, only the glowing tip of a skinny cigarette in his mouth."

- The Penultimate Peril

"Like all villains, he was a coward and would not face me unmasked."

- When Did You See Her Last?

"Mr. Snicket became a fugitive from justice and was rarely seem in public, and then usually from the back."

- Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography

"'My father and I lived together in Killdeer Fields, a town farther up the road a ways.' 'I’ve heard of it.' 'It’s a nice enough place,' Ellington said, 'although something was going on that was bothering my father, I could tell. (...) I’ve been following any lead I can find. I’ve interviewed dozens of people. I’ve checked on hundreds of rumors. I’ve written letters and telegrams, made phone calls, and knocked on doors. I’ve sent countless packages to people he knew, most of whom left Killdeer Fields after the flood.'"

- Who Could This Be At This Hour?

"What do you think happened to the water that drained away? A whole valley was flooded. Countless creatures of Killdeer Fields were drowned, and an entire village was forced to leave their homes, just so the Knight family could add a few pennies to their ink fortune and the town could limp along for a little while longer.”

- Why Is This Night Different From All Other Nights?

"Lemony Snicket was born before you were, and is likely to die before you as well. His family has roots in a part of the country which is now underwater, and his childhood was spent in the relative splendor of the Snicket Villa which has since become a factory, a fortress, a pharmacy and alas, is now, someone else's villa. To the untrained eye, Mr. Snicket's hometown would not appear to be filled with secrets. Untrained eyes have been wrong before."

- Lemony Snicket's Official Website (http://www.lemonysnicket.com/the-cursed-creators/)

[badlydrawndrawnings]

atwq book four thoughts

guess who somehow got a lot of free time yesterday and made the bold decision to finish reading the last atwq book? me!

guees who feels like they jinxed qwerty’s fate from the previous book of being arrested, but alive, even though i bet daniel handler planned it from the start? still me!

guess who is rather upset netflix accidentally gave a clue/spoiler on the identity of hangfire?

also me.

okay, so first off, to get something out of the way. i love this book. i really do. it had me on suspense every chapter.

theodora figured out qwerty was in vfd (...when did she figure out? not long after sharon reveal herself as a fake vfd member? or during the period she and lemony weren’t speaking to each other?), and god she really was willing to take the blame on being qwerty’s killer. did she think maybe she once again screw up, but this time there was no going back because the screw up got someone killed? after all she seem to selfishly went to break qwerty out for a good evaluation. maybe she thought if things went different, he would still be alive. and given the schism happened, vfd while not divided yet, this is like a sign on how another librarian’s death in the long, long future, will be blame on an innocent party and things go to hell again in the pursuit of justice and truth.

also, ghede and gifford also knew of the coup as well? or at least knew the sbg was doing something and they’re like let them do this shit and we can watch it’s gonna benefit us in the long run’. also, holy shit olaf name drop take two with beatrice herself! i didn’t think while knowing each other young mean they actually hanged out with one another to think they’re possibility friends. this puts the opera night even worse. beatrice must have knew olaf’s parents. with my headcanon of olaf parents being caring parents to olaf and used their connections to get their son back earlier than others, this is just awful.

getting back on track from the mess that is vfd there’s a murder on a train (agatha christie ahoy!). i admit several weeks ago i made the decision to watch snowpiercer and train to busan so i couldn’t really take the murder on the orient express shout out clearly and kept on thinking of the wild willy wonka and the chocolate factory/snow piercer theory. and zombies in south korea. 

all the damn sbts kids just thought it great to share the one brain cell to be on the same train (pip and squeak just follow in their taxi; cleo and jake had to travel through time in the dilemma to catch up with them). ornette got her time to shine with her artistic/sculpting skills and there’s some light on the subject of the lost family (of course it’s a fire that took ornette’s mom life. fires seems to be a way to kill a lot of parents). i was right to call her gung-ho working with lemony, she just agreed to make fake bb statues for moxie and kellar and was like ‘oh shit the two are sharing a brain cell. hangfire could figure something is up what have i done’ and had to make something else to give to lemony. i uh..wonder if seth has a reason to draw her baseball cap all...fuzzy. just a weird question.

kellar’s sister lizzie shows up. i’m going to be honest. she has the bad luck of appearing last and under two disguises that went over my head (she sure fooled me!). i do have some thoughts that surround her and the haines family, but that needs me to re-read the last two books to make sure i’m not imagining something . will say lizzie is much younger and shorter than i thought given her first illustration. i hope maybe a re-read will make me get some new insight on her. also, hi sally murphy. i’m glad lizzie got out with maybe your help (i mean, why else would she want to high tail it out of there).

the identity of qwerty’s killer was something i should have seen coming due to how the mitchum parents are more subdue. i want to slap stew’s parents. they spend all their time bickering they only got their shit together to see how their ‘precious’ son is really a bully and killer and working with the villian under their damn noses. i almost feel sorry for them because shit stew more or less blackmail his parents into covering the crime but at the same time...this call could have been avoid if you pay attention to how your son isn’t the angel you think he is..and you two are still fighting with one another please get your priorities straight i beg you. i admit i almost want to slap stew but i don’t slap kids, and i think if i exist in the snicket world i would get murder first by him.

qwerty’s death and the fact he’s a vfd member just hurt me so bad and i’m still kind of grieving over him. for one, i felt like i should have seen qwerty being part of vfd coming. he’s a sub-librarian. while not a sub-sub-librarian, the fact is qwerty is such so damn helpful to lemony i should have seen he was just doing his best to help lemony because theodora wasn’t honestly...wasn’t doing a good job at a chaperone. but he couldn’t blow away his cover because he wasn’t supposed to interfere in the apprenticeship and honestly he was just happy to be a sub-librarian helping children find what they would love reading.

but qwerty isn’t the only death in this book. i got to copy-paste something from an old atwq post in feburary 8, something i made as a joke, because oh boy, this part is the one negative i have honestly.

he tried to pretend to be her father! i know his voice mimicry is basically akin to juni cortez’s mimicry, but this is just cruel had ellington been there.

about a week later, i made the decision to rewatch netflix asoue. now, the first time i watch season two [edit lmao i actually don’t remember if it was season two i think i hated season two so much i could have blur two and three together i got to rewatch the show again definitely. edit two: okay, i’m certain it was season two i’m 98% certain it was was a pause and read easter egg that’s why i couldn’t remember what season exactly damn easter eggs] i honestly was like ‘so they gave nero a last name. coolio. feint isn’t a surname i was expecting but this is the netflix show this probably isn’t canon to the books’.

on the rewatch, after the austere academy part two ended, i realized something is...off, with nero now. he’s mocking people. and his voice, while not mimicking them, is like...it’s like nero could have inherit mimicry from someone but it never went through. or maybe he did got it but it’s not at its full potential without the proper teaching of someone with the skill...like a father, perhaps?

so the kronk meme is playing in my mind, but it’s the edit of him saying ‘oh no, it’s all coming together’. and given patrick warburton also voice kronk, it felt more like lemony snicket decided to materialize right behind me, be an asshole, and thought it funny to do a commentary on my possible realization hangfire, in the netflix show at least, couldn’t keep his dick in his pants and bore a bastard son in an adulterous affair and ellington has a half brother in the world she doesn’t know about and i hope she never learns about.

(given barrymore feint is just a cameo of barry sonnenfeld, i guess the bullshit gene i talked about in another post regarding a theory who netflix!h is should be renamed the feint gene.)

so reading the third book, and especially this book, i kept a close eye on any mentions to ellington’s dad and hangfire’s behavior. i kept on saying in my mind ‘please don’t be who i think you are’. and bam. armstrong feint is hangfire. i feel like if netflix didn’t have the need to make an atwq reference in nero’s surname, and if i was smart enough to have the book clues smack me in the face (i feel there are clues somewhere, and hangfire dropped all pretenses and just being ‘himself’ in book two was one), i wouldn’t be so angry and upset by this reveal. i more or less got spoil and put the pieces together due to an adaptation, and i should have known better than to do a re-watch while reading atwq. i should have consider the possibility of easter eggs to atwq.

anyway, lemony snicket thought it great to kill hangfire by feeding him to a copy bombinating beast (the tadpoles!!). with ellington right freaking there. with most of his sbts friends there to witness. moxie can’t even look lemony in the eye anymore (no more best friends anymore). everything happened just like that and after finishing the book and taking a walk around the living room, i have to say hangfire is a good villain. he achieved his goal of getting the bombinating beast, even if it’s a copy. he’s a very competent villain who succeed in almost every book in some way or form. he played everyone like a puppet and was a threat that is more akin to tmwabbnh and twwhbnb’s level of villainy. kudos to you hangfire i’m impressed. 

hangfire totally got it coming too. however, i do feel...hurt in his death, if only for ellington’s sake. during the walk because i realize ellington reminded me of a character from a different fandom i’m in. there’s some differences that i won’t get into (it’s...complicated for the other fandom), but they’re cut from almost the same cloth: teenage girls with shitty fathers who are using them for their own selfish goals. thoughts for ellington and her future formed faster for me than for the other atwq kids as a result:

post-canon!ellington (a few days later when she finally gets her stuff figure out), has a simple list. 1: avoiding anyone with a vfd tattoo or give shady lemon vibes -ellington split asap after she and kit broke out and have 100% certainly no one is after them, but not before stealing some things from kit, one being notes of vfd volunteers (she thinks). 2: find a new place to live. 3: figure out a new name that isn’t an anagram, because the inhumane society once they heard the news, is probably going to try to get her if they get wind she is hangfire’s daughter and possible ‘successor’. ellington wants nothing to do with the bombinating beast. she never wants to see the statue or anything similar, or hear the words again.

adult!ellington (under a fake name of course), while accepting all that happened, hasn’t forgive lemony snicket. yes, her dad was a villain. yes, she finally understand her dad isn’t the kind naturalist and man, and used her for the biggest ‘what’ event of her life that is also a very selfish goal. many times in the past though, ellington wonders if she missed any signs of her dad’s descend to who he eventually became, or if he hid it very well to where he was wearing two masks all this time, one hiding his true nature. ellington even wonders at one point, dad was going convince her to willingly work with him without the fake kidnapping and had to change his plans to something crueler.

ellington will never know for sure. this is why ellington can’t forgive lemony and will say it to face if they ever meet again. what ellington hates the most out of her father’s death is that she can never tell dad all of her feelings about his wrong doings. she can ask all the questions burning at the back of her mind, or yell her frustrations how terrible a father he is for faking his kidnapping and getting her to do his dirty work, getting her to use her loyalty of family to do things she would never do under normal circumstances. she ask questions and yells at the only photo left of armstrong feint...

and in the end, she knows he’ll never answer, and it hurts to deal with the unknown. adult!ellington doesn’t do the yelling and questioning to the photo as much. partly because she did ‘settle’ on what might be an possible answer, but mostly because the photo is pretty faded to where it’s less ‘armstrong feint’ and more ‘hangfire’. once in awhile though, she slips up like old times.

adult!ellington with her new life (she travels a lot, pays in cash most of the time, and has no set resident; she still love coffee) tends to think of the past, especially when it came to what she had with lemony snicket. did lemony like her? was she just a question in need of solving? ellington admits to possibly liking him, but it was so long ago maybe she just thinks she liked him to have a ‘positive’ memory of the boy she haven’t seen in years that she kind of wants to see again, if only to yell at him for robbing her of something important. his name lands on her radar a lot, twice from the daily punctilio. the first one was learning of lemony snicket’s crimes, and it was an accident.

the second time, she learn of his death, though she read the daily punctilio on purpose in hopes of a name drop. adult!ellington ended up finding some children’s book, and made the mistake of going to the back of it and find a photo of lemony snicket. not really though. lemony is hiding his face (ellington hates it) and she buys it to know what it’s about. it spiral to where she bought the next two books because she wants to know if the baudelaires orphans are real (and because lemony doesn’t seem the same anymore from his writings). ellington settles on real when she pulls out kit snicket’s notes she stolen and cross references names, and even travels to the locations to them to make sure. after the third book publication, the series goes on ‘hiatus’ due to the daily punctilio and their announcement. ellington doubts he’s dead, but couldn’t help attend the funeral. ellington is certain lemony snicket is alive, because she convinced she saw him at his own funeral.

[overthestars-and-offtoneverland]

What I’ve Taken Away From The Incomplete History Of Secret Organizations

- Neil Patrick Harris’s voice has been added to the list of things Count Olaf has ruined because I can’t read the introduction without Olaf’s inflection

- I really wish they kept that Hangfire Easter Egg

- The image of Daniel Handler grilling onions for the writing staff as they brainstorm around his kitchen table is just so wholesome 

- Louis Hynes did read the books (I’m so proud of my son)

- Somewhere the stiletto heels with real stilettos exist. And I need to own them.

- Lucy Punch for real took the Sugar Bowl prop because she knew how much Esme would want her to

- Officer Luciana’s heels = confirmed stripper boots

- Baby Toupees

- Olaf’s troupe dresses for a production of Hamlet with HOIG absolutely rocking that dress

- I want NPH to adopt me

- Considering how long it took me to turn my friend into Count Olaf, it doesn’t surprise me it takes 3 hours to turn NPH in to Count Olaf with professional materials

- Neil wears gross cologne to get in character and I thinks that’s beautiful

- Neil progressively getting more and more into Oaf’s disguises like “He’d wear it like this”

- “Dupin is Chester Cheetah meets Jason Mraz”- Neil Patrick Harris. Legendary

- “Now that you’re 16, you’re going to hate the Klaus hair.”

Louis, who loves Klaus unconditionally as his character: Why would I hate my Klaus hair?

*one week later*

Louis, who has seen the error of his ways: I hate the Klaus hair. You were right.

- Vice Principal Nero is Hercules

- The phrase “Get it Lemonized”

- Almost everyone hates wearing their fake mustaches (Except Monty and the Denouements)

- “Every time Mr. Poe is on screen it’s “Make way for stupid.’” I want that engraved.

- That one Easter Egg on page 126

- The cover is a sticker you can peel off??? Is that supposed to happen???

- Fuck yeah, ottomans.

- The scripts are (for the most part) literally written in Lemony’s writing style but with more cursing and I just love that

- “Really teasing this reveal for fashion’s sake because a gay man wrote the script. Sorry, not sorry.”

- “Count Olaf arrives, disguised as a suspicious assistant” Pictured: Batman Hood

- The two pages of just funny signs! (The Lucky Smells ones remind me of playing Portal)

- The book not-so-subtly depicting Olaf as Satan within the Austere Academy timeline on page 147 

- Lemony narrating about his brother in the cab made Nathan Fillion cry. Same, Jacques, same

- Olaf is again depicted as Satan on page 156 in the Ersatz Elevator timeline

- Louis Hynes’s favorite episode is The Hostie Hospital because of the Doctor Faustus disguise. I love that

- The book takes every chance in can to V.F.D everywhere

- No one can drive the cab

- The cute Quiglet foreshadowing with the heart-shaped mountain. Awwww

- “We needed a cartographer” I see what you did there, Handler

- I am not looking forward to Fiona’s new characterization. I admittedly didn’t like her much before, but this may be bad to worse

- “Damn they’ve out-greened us!”

- THE RETURN OF SATAN-LAF ON PAGE 192 IN THE PENULTIMATE PERIL TIMELINE

- The Library Aesthetic of the Hotel Denouement’s sub-basement has me shook

- Even Neil doesn’t want anyone to pity that unibrowed sociopath

- We’re getting a little Beatrice Letters fanservice during The End. Fuck yeah

- Dude, there’s a list of vocab words and literary allusions at the end? Fuckin’ SICK

[beatricebidelaire]

i still haven’t found what i’m looking for

featuring: Ellington Feint, Lemony Snicket, Kit Snicket

word count: ~1.4K

alt: ao3

written for the @fic4fic exchange for @conundrum-esoterica, hope you like this!  Based on the headcanon that Ellington Feint and Madame Lulu were the same person. This was plotted before season 2 came out and ignore the added plotline for Olivia

warning for atwq spoilers

Sometimes, an unexpected revelation of truth might cause your whole life to crumble, discovering that everything you had believe on to be a lie, everything you had try to help achieve was based on the wrong assumptions.

It felt like a never-ending free falling down a bottomless bit, it felt like everything was spiraling out of control – as if she’d ever had it under control at all, a small voice in the back of her head scoffed.  Her mind was too occupied on the free falling feeling to pay any attention to it.

Perhaps it was ironic that while she wasn’t literally falling, another person was. Someone she’d once placed all her hopes on, someone that had always been a faraway goal to achieve, someone whose memory she’d been clinging on. Ellington Feint watched, stricken and horrified as her father, Armstrong Feint – a.k.a Hangire –fell off the train and straight into the Bombinating Beast.

Someone was screaming.  It took her a while to realize it was herself.  A few feet away stood a thirteen year boy – or was he almost thirteen? – with a determined expression. The boy had promised to help her, and while she’d never been naïve enough to believe that he would always be on her side, she’d never thought it would end up like this, either.  She had never known what he was capable of.

She wondered if he’d ever known.

She wanted to look at him and see if he dared look her straight in the eyes now, but when she turned to him, his eyes were shut close.  Typical, she thought bitterly, biting down her lips with a mixture of grief and seething anger.

She stood there, listening to the Mitchums going on about perfect how their son was, how he would never break a law ever.  How they wouldn’t arrest him, and how they would arrest her.

That was when he spoke. “You’re letting a murderer go free.”

Their eyes met for a moment, and suddenly accusations were tumbling out her mouth, angry, hurt, and unstoppable. “You’re a murderer yourself. You’ve been tricking me since the night we met, in order to push me in the right direction. You knew all along, didn’t you? You knew Hangfire was my father.”

He reached out to grab the chains that bound her hand, and as his fingers grabbed around them, she felt as if he was grabbing her heart, gripping it so hard that she couldn’t keep on going anymore. “I hoped it wasn’t true,” he said finally.

He’d always called her mysterious and unfathomable, but at that moment, she thought that he was the unfathomable one, not her. She couldn’t comprehend who he really was behind the somber expression, couldn’t comprehend if there was a limit to what he was capable of if he thought it necessary. And if he’d suspected, she wondered, how long had he been planning such a calculated, ruthlessly efficient move?

Accusations and arguments and justifications flew back and forth between them, and then it was cut short as the Mitchums stepped in, handcuffs ready to arrest her. He made some protestations, but she could see his associates’ faces and how they disagreed with him.

At this point, a part of her really just wanted to go into the prison, because everything outside of it, everything she had been fighting for until right this moment was gone now.  And one of her only friends had just killed her father.

At this moment, maybe it didn’t make much of a difference, in or out of the prison.

She stumbled into the prison cell on the train as the door slammed behind her, and that was when Ellington Feint noticed there was another girl in the cell. Her features looked oddly familiar in the dim lights of the cell. Before Ellington could finish her thoughts about wondering who she reminded her of, the other girl extended a hand.

“Kit Snicket,” she introduced herself, and Ellington felt like everything clicked and shattered all at once.

She and Kit Snicket didn’t stay in each other’s company for long, as Kit had other missions to attend to back in the city.  But during this time, Ellington did get some more intel about the organization that was VFD. Every time Kit explained a special training lesson of VFD, Ellington still inevitably thought “so that’s how Snicket learned to kill, was it?” even if the thought wasn’t completely logical, because things like deciphering codes from a letter certainly felt very different from pushing someone into a beast’s belly.

She had long since accepted that yes, her father had been a villain who’d done many terrible things, but did that justify his murder?

Sometimes she wondered would Kit Snicket have done the same thing as her brother, or would she have chosen a different route?  Ellington would like to think that Kit wouldn’t, but she could never be sure.

However, every other day spent with Kit was the gradual realization that Kit was not only clever and competent, but also usually very determined, and didn’t let anything stand in the way of the mission she wanted to achieve. She had morals, clearly, but just as clear was that those morals weren’t exactly the same as what the society considered as morals most people followed.

Kit Snicket was very sure in what she believed as necessary, and wouldn’t hesitate to do it.  Seeing her like that, though, only made Ellington even more unsure of what she herself believed in.  Sometimes, late in the night where when the other girl already fell asleep, Ellington was wide awake, thinking about the person right beside her. It was a feeling mixed with admiration, envy, jealousy and intimidation for her confidence and determination and knowing what her goals were. Some nights Kit felt like everything Ellington hoped herself to be and everything she wanted to run away from and everything she wanted to stay close together until the end of days. Some nights all those thoughts morphed together into a desperate desire to run away together with Kit to some faraway land where no one or no organization would ever find them again.

They didn’t, of course, run away together.

The “run away with me” ultimately got stuck in her throat as they parted ways with a firm goodbye handshake. Kit’s handshake was like Kit herself, sure and confident, as if she knew always knew what she was going to do next.  

And as Kit turned away and boarded the train, Ellington suddenly felt the last piece of certainty in her life just left forever.

Without Kit, she felt more lost than ever now, and even less sure of what were the rights and wrongs to believe in than before.  Sometimes she thought maybe she should just let other people make these decisions for her from now on, if she no longer trusted herself on moral judgments. Perhaps this was escaping responsibility, but who was to say which people deserved to have responsibilities anyway?

For a few years she travelled alone, collecting information on the way just in case it might be useful later.  She tried helping people, regardless what her younger self would think of that person’s quest worth helping. Was this doing good for the world? She wasn’t sure. She was never really sure of anything now.  But the more she did it, the easier to pretend that it was.  Deep down, she knew this was just a way of distracting herself from her haunted past, to ignore it and maybe one day she would successfully forget it, too. It was a way to pretend that maybe she was actually a good person, that this was her set of morals she longed to have. It was a lie, of course, but it got easier to believe over time, like all lies people told themselves.

After a while, she decided to invent a new identity for herself, a way to help others with the information she collected.  After all, having a mask to hide behind from made all the pretending easier.  A few crystal balls in a store gave her all the inspiration she needed.

She made necessary preparations, fancy setups in a carnival tent, all ready to dive into her new identity, of a way to pretense she wondered briefly if she would ever come back from.

Once upon a time, Ellington Feint knew who she was.

[snicketsleuth]

Who runs Black Cat Coffee?

Black Cat Coffee, corner of Caravan and Parfait, counts amongst the most emblematic places of “All the Wrong Questions”, showing up in 3 of the 4 books. Yet by the end of the series several questions have yet to be answered:

Why would a café moonlight as a post office?

Why is Stain’d-by-the-Sea’s post delivery so fast?

Why have we never met the postman/waiter who runs the café?

Stay with us after the cut to unravel these mysteries... and others.

On a purely cultural level, Black Cat Coffe’s piano and automatic delivery service might be loosely inspired by the pianocktail, a semi-fictional musical instrument from Boris Vian’s surrealist novel “Froth on the daydream”. The pianocktail mixes a custom cocktail depending on the melodies which are played on it (usually jazz). Daniel Handler is a cocktail enthusiast and allusions to Vian show up in “Why We Broke Up”. Fittingly, the café is also named after 3 Duke Ellington songs: ”Caravan”, “Parfait (A Little Max)” and “Black Cat Blues”, which might also be an allusion to Edgar Allan Poe’s famous story. It’s no wonder Ellington Feint loves the place so much.

Well, it seems like the cultural allusion won’t help us here. Our only hope is to examine the café’s logistics. When did Ellington discover the place? It clearly seems like she’s already used the post office before the start of “All The Wrong Questions”. When Lemony brings her the Bombinating Beast, she knows exactly what to do.

“Is the mail delivery reliable here?” I asked. “Yes,” she said. “You should have it by tomorrow morning. Surprisingly, delivery around here is very fast.” [Who Could That Be At This Hour?, Chapter Seven]

Then again, she has a lot of time on her hand and could just have discovered the secret attic by snooping around. Cleo Knight is also a customer but isn’t aware of the secret attic as far as we know. A violent butcher named Mack and his abused son Drumstick, who show up in “File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents”, know of the attic’s existence. Dashiell Qwerty is also a customer and tries to set up a meeting with Ellington in “Shouldn’t You Be In School”. All in all, not a whole lot of people seem to frequent Black Cat Coffee: Hungry’s restaurant, which essentially functions as a soup kitchen, is the preferred meeting place of Stain’d-by-the-Sea’s residents. This would explain why so many mysteries remain about the place.

A question deserves to be asked: does Hangfire know Black Cat Coffee’s intended purpose? Our money’s on “no”. Ellington uses the attic to hide the Bombinating Beast in “Who Could That Be At This Hour?”, and Inhumane Society doesn’t seize the chance to get it. This is especially embarrassing as samples of Doctor Flammarion’s laudanum also show up in the attic in “Who Could That Be At This Hour?”. So we see that the post office tends to deliver stuff from anyone to anyone, as fast as possible. Whoever runs it has a decently neutral position in the conflict and the place is not monitored by Hangfire.

“Attic,” I said. It was a good place to keep packages. The music from the piano told me there was nothing to worry about, but I climbed the staircase with my belly full of bread and butterflies. I was tired of surprises in strange rooms. But the attic of Black Cat Coffee was just another big room with nobody in it. Along the wall were a few cupboards, and shelves with bags of coffee on them. There was a long table with envelopes and packages stacked in separate piles, as if quite a few people collected their mail at Black Cat Coffee instead of at home. I wondered why. There were not that many packages. There was a small box marked MEDICAL SUPPLIES addressed to a Dr. Flammarion. There was a long tube marked ELECTRICAL EQUIPMENT addressed to nothing more than a pair of initials that were unfamiliar. And then there was a package about the size of a bottle of milk, wrapped in newspaper with a handwriting I recognized immediately. I unwrapped it carefully. It was the Bombinating Beast. [Who Could That Be At This Hour?, Chapter Ten]

So it’s unlikely that the person who runs the post office is in league with Hangfire. That strikes out people like Nurse Dander, Doctor Flammarion, Sally Murphy, Sharon Haines, etc. So far so good, but who else could it be? No one in Stain’d-by-the-Sea looks like a satisfying candidate.

If this account can be called a mystery, then Black Cat Coffee is a mystery inside a mystery. There were certainly mysterious things in the establishment. The shiny machinery in the center of the room—which produced bread or coffee, depending on which button you pressed—always worked perfectly, but I never saw anyone attending to it. The attic was a place where you could retrieve packages, but I never saw anyone delivering them. The player piano played tunes I couldn’t identify. But these aren’t what I mean. I don’t care who oiled the machinery of Black Cat Coffee and made sure the bins were full of flour and roasted beans, or who delivered the boxes of books filled with blank pages or gears used in botanical extraction. The music doesn’t matter to me. [When Did You See Her Last?, Chapter Nine]

Sometimes the only way to solve a mystery is to link it to another unsolved mystery. And when one looks at the numerous plot threads left hanging at the end of “All The Wrong Questions”, it becomes tempting to suspect the Bellerophon brothers.

Hangfire seems to hold a grudge against their family, as his final diatribe attests:

“You fold together a flimsy decoy,” Hangfire said scornfully, “and try to play me like a clarinet, but you’ll collapse when you stand against me. All of you Stain’d citizens are the same. Your mother, Mallahan, was a journalist searching for the truth, but she didn’t have the courage to face what she found. Your parents, Hix, are too scared to come back to town, even to fetch their son. The Knight family drained the sea, and then went down the drain themselves. I could go on and on. The Losts. The Bellerophons. Doctors and actors, nurses and naturalists. Everyone was utterly worthless, and then along came a little girl who could perform all the trickery I needed.” [Why Is This Night Different From All Other Nights?, Chapter Twelve]

This is a long list of people Hangfire names as his enemies:

The Knights engineered the economic and ecological disaster that motivated the creation of Inhumane Society.

Ornette Lost’s mother tried to revert this disaster through tourism and, as such, threatened the lawless no man’s land Hangfire wanted to create. She’s also theorized to have been a member of V.F.D., Hangfire’s archenemy. So it’s possible that the fire that killed her was actually started by Hangfire.

Moxie’s mother is a journalist sworn to expose the truth, so she’d have to be removed from the town to enable Hangfire’s conspiracy.

However we are missing a motive for the Hix and Bellerophon families:

We have no information on what Jake’s parents did before they left the town, but as they fled they can’t possibly be involved in the shenanigans going on at Black Cat Café.

Pip’s and Squeak’s father is a trickier case because he’s still in town. He’s also an elusive taxi driver who’s always sick for some reason.

But the Bellerophon brothers’ story clashes with another passage:

“I’ve got to get that formula finished,” she said. “It’s a puzzle, but I’ve got to solve it. Invisible ink that actually works could make Ink Inc. a successful company again. We could save this town from all the people who want to destroy us. I’ve got to do it myself. I told my mother and father that, in my note. I love them, but my parents have given up on making things better.” “So have mine,” Jake said, and the Bellerophon brothers nodded too. Even Moxie nodded in agreement. [When Did You See Her Last?, Chapter Twelve]

They imply that he “gave up” on trying to make the town better, yet also insist he’s in town. Jake’s parents left, Moxie’s mother left and her father is clearly depressive… But the Bellerophon father is just “sick”. That’s not the same as “giving up”. They’re judging him pretty harshly for something he has no control over. Why do they put him on the same level as other cowardly parents?

We never see Pip’s and Squeak’s father throughout the entire series, which is an enormous red flag. Some readers believe he was actually murdered by Hangfire and that his children are covering up his death. Maybe they don’t want to be put up for adoption, but that’s still pretty drastic. Is it really in their best interest to lie to the authorities? They have no guardians and are forced to work at a very early age. Why not just admit the truth and leave the town?

There’s probably something more complicated going on here. As Stain’d-by-the-Sea’s last taxi driver, he was essentially in charge of its public transport. That’s an interesting position to be in for the survival of the town, but not an essential one in Hangfire’s masterplan. Because he needs to protect his civil identity (Armstrong Feint), he wouldn’t be able to take the taxi very often. For the most part, Hangfire seems content to travel by foot.

Controlling information, on the other hand, is extremely important. A taxi driver would pick up on a lot of stuff throughout his errands. We also know that Hangfire depends on the postman because he needs massive amounts of laudanum to subdue the Knight parents, the patients of the Colophon Clinic and the students of Wade Academy. Lemony even finds one of Flammarion’s shipments of laudanum in the attic of Black Cat Café. Had he destroyed this shipment, Hangfire’s entire masterplan would have had to be delayed. So it would be critical for Hangfire to control the mail delivery of Stain’d-by-the-Sea.

So what if Stain’d-by-the-sea’s taxi driver were actually the elusive postman from Black Cat Café?

There’s a reason no one’s caught the postman yet: he’s been hiding in plain sight. It’s only natural for a taxi to drive through the town, day and night. If the car was actually used to deliver mail, no one would notice. The two professions are actually very similar: one delivers information, the other people.

The theory goes like this: the Bellerophon’s father realized the danger Hanfire represented and decided to minimize his involvement with the mail delivery service. He started simulating a sickness to get out of Inhumane Society’s radar. He didn’t want Hangfire to realize he was the postman. His sons Pip and Squeak eventually found out his secret and took it upon themselves to ensure the mail delivery, as a desperate bid to keep the town alive. They are torn between their sense of civic duty and their loyalty to their father, who prefers to keep a low profile. So they pretend he’s sick as a way to protect him.

Are Pip and Squeak even aware Black Cat Coffee moonlights as a post office? Why, yes they are. Consider this passage:

I lay on the statue and thought, and the world went on without me. Moxie Mallahan was tucked into her bed, and Cleo Knight let herself into Handkerchief Heights, where her scientific equipment waited for her. Jake Hix started cooking up breakfast at Hungry’s, and the Bellerophon brothers put an old-fashioned record player and a huge stack of papers in the attic of Black Cat Coffee. [When Did They See Her Last?, Chapter Thirteen]

Granted, it’s possible that Lemony just told them about the attic. But this conversation, if it ever happened, is never mentioned in the narration. And this passage describes events that Lemony couldn’t have witnessed by himself anyway (he’s, not unlike ourselves, making hypotheses)

ADDENDUM, 3rd of August 2017:

Hermes from the 667 Dark Avenue message board (Link) pointed out how wrong I was about this. We do hear the conversation:

“In the back of the building is a spiral staircase,” I said. “At the top is a room with a broken window, and somewhere in that room is an old-fashioned record player. It was on a bed stand, but Hangfire hid it right before I came in. Please take it, along with all those papers on the desk, to Black Cat Coffee and put it in the attic. There’s a cupboard there that’s larger than it looks.” Squeak frowned. “Who wants all that stuff? Another associate of yours?” [When Did You See Her Last?, Chapter Twelve]

Then again Squeak doesn’t ask Lemony how to get to the attic, which suggests he is at the very least familiar with it. It doesn’t contradict the theory but does make it less likely.

END OF ADDENDUM

So the postman and current manager of Black Cat Coffee would be, for all intents and purposes, Pip and Squeak. Which would at least explain how they manage to get food and shelter, what with their father being so “sick” he can’t work. Running the café would hardly be a hassle. It’s all automated anyway. Going to the attic at night to store and pick up the mail would not take much time, and if they ever got caught, they would pretend being normal customers exploring the attic.

[virtualfindingsdocumented]

I am sorryyy

Actually, it’s fun that you ask, because when I first posted about this theory I was so focused on the parallels between Lemony and Hangfire (some canon, some based on hcs) that I somehow managed to forget about Lemony and Ellington being a thing (though, of course, the circumstances and the fact they are both liars in some way make it hard to know how far their feelings went) until someone asked me about them

So I totally understand why this theory will never be more than a crack theory. Either way, I still defend that the two families come from the same town (Ellington’s town was flooded, and the source of disputable canonical value that is Lemony’s old site had in his bio that he lived in a land that is now underwater) and given that Hangfire seemed to know a lot about VFD in ATWQ I don’t think it’s not unlikely they knew each other.

[virtualfindingsdocumented]

The Woman and Mr. Feint and the solidarity of “my baby was taken by VFD with the support of my ex-lover and was raised by people I hate and I will eventually face him in a battle of life and death because he was taught beliefs that are completely against mine also he will one day propose to Beatrice.”

[virtualfindingsdocumented]

I had never made the connection that since “with all due respect” is something both Ellington and Lemony do then it must be something their father did too

(I know that Lemony started doing it because of Ellington and this changes nothing for me)

(This is not a “reason why Lemony is Hangfire’s son”, but more of a “this gets sadder if you remember Lemony is Hangfire’s son”)

[virtualfindingsdocumented]

@presleysmooth this detail is yikes indeed :/ Buuut, to be fair, Lemony’s feelings towards Ellington are not explicitly romantic. In fact, every time he just says he wants to be friends with her. He only uses the word “friends”. The romance thing is only mentioned by the adults, and it could be seen as just another case of “a boy and a girl can’t be close without people thinking there’s romance there”. I see a lot of people saying things like this about like, Klaus/Fiona or Violet/Duncan. In the end, like a bunch of things in this story, a lot is left open for our imaginations. (This is not to say that I didn’t read Lemony having a massive crush on Ellington before I came up with this theory. But when I write for this particular ‘verse I prefer this other interpretation.)

[virtualfindingsdocumented]

sorry sorry WHAT is the Lemony is Hangfire's son theory

Thank you for asking, I love having a chance to rant about it and waking people to this. Big spoilers for the ending of ATWQ under the cut.

So, this comes from a few facts, and a lot of speculation. First the facts.

When Lemony first meets Ellington, she says she used to live in a nearby village, Killdeer Fields, with her father. She also says that it was difficult to track him down because most people had left the village due to the flooding. Later Hangfire says that one of the reasons he hates Stain’d-by-the-sea’s people so much is because of the draining of the sea, because of how it affected the environment of not only Stain’d but also of the place where the water was taken, where a valley was flooded and all the people of a village were forced to leave their homes. Killdeer Fields.

The old Lemony Snicket official website had a biography that was used in most of the bookmark things in the asoue books in my local release, reason why I have most of it memorized. I only found out recently that it is different from the ones in the original releases, but it is still canon material since it came from an official source. It says, among other things:

“(...)His family has roots in a part of the country which is now underwater, and his childhood was spent in the relative splendor of the Snicket Villa which has since become a factory, a fortress, and a pharmacy and is now, alas, someone else's villa. To the untrained eye, Mr. Snicket's hometown would not appear to be filled with secrets. Untrained eyes have been wrong before.”

[The whole text is available on the wiki page for him.]

That, added to the way he reacted to Ellington’s mention of the village in Who Could It Be At This Hour? (he only says he knows it, without further explanation in either speech or narration; we know how secretive he is when it comes to his personal life), makes me believe Killdeer Fields is the Snicket family’s home.

(But dairy farm- He was only born on that farm because his parents wanted to buy butter at the wrong time. They lived somewhere else.)

Second fact, Hangfire knows a lot about VFD. Not only that, he is said to particularly hate volunteers. It is revealed that he had been manipulating Theodora and Lemony the whole time to help in his schemes, and he knew who they were from the start. It is never said how, it is never revealed what his involvement with VFD really is. 

Third fact, a good theory is a good theory, and a very skilled theorist wrote an excellent one about ATWQ and Lemony’s relationship (or lack of) with his parents.

Here is where speculation begins.

There are some interesting parallels between Hangfire and Lemony. The first time the two meet (with Lemony being aware that he is Hangfire) in Shouldn’t You Be At School?, Lemony says Hangfire is a coward that would never meet him without a mask. How things turned years later, huh...

Also, Lemony is somewhat of a natural born leader. He convinced both the kids from VFD and the kids from Stain’d to follow him and his plans, even without telling the whole story to them (this is especially true with the Stain’d kids). We as readers can see that he is just as lost as everyone else but he can convince everyone that he knows what he is doing. I personally believe this is a trait that he kept to his adult life, at least until when he can’t pretend anymore (which would explain a lot of the guilt he feels during the time he is writing his books). 

We never see the dynamics between Hangfire and his allies, but he is shown as a leader figure.

Last, a small and random scene, of another meeting between Lemony and Hangfire in Shouldn’t You Be At School?, the one where Hangfire is not disguised and has a cigarette (that is revealed later to not be a cigarette). Lemony reveals in the narration his thoughts about smoking, but if you, like me and half of the fandom, believes he is the Taxi Driver, this means he at some point starts smoking.

I believe the parallels and irony in all of these are intentional, but they may mean nothing. They may only be there because Hangfire is Lemony’s first enemy. They could mean anything.

So, my hot take on it is: Lemony is Hangfire’s son. 

Jacques and Kit are Jacob Snicket’s children. But at some point, after the two were born, Snicket Mom, E, had an affair with Armstrong Feint, who may or may not have already been married to Ellington’s Mom, and from this affair, she had her youngest son. 

(Another version of this theory is that Lemony and Ellington are twins, but as a known Ellington/Kit shipper, I am not as invested in it.)

Who knows about it? None of the children, and I’m not sure of which of the adults. E for sure, but I don’t know about the others. It depends on how you imagine their dynamics to be. 

Armstrong would have no way of knowing that Lemony would be sent to Stain’d anyway, and even if he did, he is an awful father to Ellington too.

(I am currently writing a fanfic about it.)

The interesting part is that this wouldn’t make Lemony less of a Snicket, since according to the family tree in TUA, the surname comes from his mother.

In the end, it is a little useless to think of a theory about a thing no living characters would know, but I have a lot of free time and I love drama. I started thinking of this as a joke when I was rereading ATWQ but things fit so well that I now truly believe it. 

[virtualfindingsdocumented]

So

Bertrand is the son of the Woman With Hair But No Beard but doesn't know it

Lemony is the son of Hangfire but doesn't know it

Beatrice has a thing for people with villainous parents but doesn't know it

[badlydrawndrawnings]

ATWQ Book Three Thoughts

I finally got time this week to finished reading the third ATWQ book, and I got to say, I am honestly very, very scared how this series is going to end. I am feeling a sense of dread I don’t think I got when reading ASOUE as a child. Something about this series is making me go (O.O) with a dash of 8U I had no expectations on what the hell would this third book even hold. This is honestly all over the place like seriously...

This book just got me shook.

Okay, so first all...BERTRAND WAS THEODORA’S LAST APPRENTICE? Holy **** this was one of the many things that shook me to the core.  “He’d end up married to a wonderful woman and have very charming children, while I languished alone and lonely.” Lemony Snicket you have no idea what you just foretold for your future. 

Prosper Lost really decided to tell Lemony about his family (daughter Ornette  + brothers in law?) and shows he isn’t just a nosy, sneaky and lurking in the background type of guy. He has great concerns that aren’t related to his business it goes to the whole freaking town! I get the feeling something bad happened in his past and with a fire like shoot why else is he working the Official Fire Department. I guess it has something to do with his wife (I assume since he has a daughter).

In regards to Ornette, I don’t have a true clear thought or opinion of her yet. Cleo while showing up late got talked a lot for about 2/3 of the books and an illustration that gives me some idea of her character. Ornette got mention a few times, and then shows up at Wade Academy and she’s very gung-ho; willing to work with the others and Lemony who she just met. I like she’s open minded working with a stranger like Ornette is gonna fit in well. However, I guess I have to say her first impression was weaker than Cleo’s build up so I’m just *thinking* over her still. I hope we get to see more of her in the last book though. 

Theodora really just hit me with a tone of bricks. I admit this book really made me like her more because damn it, I think I did what Theodora did once or twice in my life and it sucks. So first off: Theodora all this time knew she was rank last? God, that must mean in the previous books those fancy talks of her reputation partly must have been done to make herself feel better and have confidence and skills that isn’t really there. Since she’s rank last it means there’s a chance she’s not well respected -and maybe not well like (I assume rank is a combinations of reviews from past apprentices and peer reviews). That means Theodora puts on an act for Lemony (and Bertrand who was a lot easier for Theodora to chaperone; Bertrand what review did you gave Theodora?) and everyone else to make herself seem better and more competent. Because if others of different standings take her serious, then VFD will start taking her more serious, and ergo, others (work) associates will be all ‘yeah we can be friends 8D!’. Clearly it’s not working as plan.

Theodora latching on to Sharon and their short lived friendship (the nail polish...Theodora may not have gotten friendship bracelets but she went all out anyway, this just sad to think about). Here we have Theodora thinking she not only has a friend in who know how long -and a friend from she thought was part of VFD- but has a chance to prove herself for once from all her past mistakes and screw up. And Sharon reveal herself as a fraud and Theodora is all like ‘well ****’ and despite not liking Lemony, she still made sure Lemony sure as hell wasn’t going to be taken by Hangfire and the Inhumane Society (such is a duty of a chaperone).

But despite her low rank, Theodora just more than that. She not just a wild hair driver, and yeah, this was clearly shown since the first book if she saved Lemony from getting kidnapped. Theodora knew the whole time Lemony was going to plan something with Kit (IDK if she knew of the coup, but she knew something big was going to happen. Did she took him to SBTS so their plan would fail?). She also knows enough the plan got so off the rails Kit is in jail and Theodora was willing to help Lemony break her out. I’m not saying she’s a favorite character, but she’s in a general tier of ‘I like very much!’

The Haines family (two out three at least): I feel for Sharon, wanting her daughter Lizzie back at any cost. I can understand why she felt like she had no choice to work with Hangfire. If Hangfire got Sally Murphy to work for him (she was trying to help save Lizzie this whole time oh my god), then it’s not much of a stretch Hangfire could get the Haines as well if they’re desperate. But she dragged Kellar into it and was considering striking Kellar across the face. She was willing to go that far to get her son to continue working with Hangfire to get Lizzie back. I hope with Lizzie getting found, the family can be together again and work their issues out.

Won’t say too much on Kellar himself, in part because apparently, ‘dynamite hair’  translated into the famous Tintin quiff. Don’t get me wrong, I like Kellar. His situation sucks to the tenth level and he stood up for what he know is right, even if it means he and his mom have to temporary part ways (again, I hope the Haines family can be together again and work their issues out). I totally think he and Moxie will become very good friends (he needs friends in general). Typist buddies are a go-go! But whenever I think of him and his illustration I can’t get Tintin out of my head. Thanks, Seth.

I got a better feel of Cleo from this book, and yeah, she is totally Team Chemistry Dad, and Jake is totally Team Food Mom. They’re the team parents for all these kids and they’re doing a very good job. Cleo honestly rocks the mask with her color scheme. As to the rest of Lemony’s SBTS associates + Qwerty, nothing much change on thoughts and opinions (Lemony is still upset over Moxie’s arm 8U). I hope Qwerty in the last book gets free. I thought something bad was gonna happen to him like Dewey. I feel a bit happy Qwerty is just arrested and not dead from a harpoon gun.

Ellington, meanwhile, is getting more desperate to find her father (she has a picture of him in her music box my goodness that hurts! However, thanks to a re-watch of Netflix ASOUE, and thinking about [RETRACTED] and looking at something I wrote in a different ATWQ post, I have a very bad feeling, and I hope I’m wrong about it.) if she was more or less ‘working’ with Hangfire. Those film noir vibes are getting to real warning levels that are in the red zone and close to 100% Got to admit thought, her and Lemony’s ‘first and last date’ really ended on a damp note 8U.

I’m too scared on guessing WTF is the creature/noise Lemony and Ellington heard. And do I want to know about the honeydew melons (I like cantaloupe more TBH)?

My opinion of the Mitchum parents are the same but my goodness! Someone let them know how terrible their son is and let them know they’re failure as parents! Stew upgraded from bully to ‘part time villain’, knows it, and just got worse. I gotta bring up Carmelita again because Stew is making me think over Carmelita’s character more than I ever thought before.

I interpret Carmelita as a spoil rich brat and bully who got away with her rotten behavior due to her parents not being parents, just giving her too many gifts and not teaching her important manners. She a bit of an ill-fusion of Veruca Salt and Dudley Dursley in my opinion. Anyway, Carmelita has no idea what she got herself into in the TSS, but by TGG-TPP she is ‘okay! 8D’ because Esme while teaching her to be a ‘villain’ and other dangerous things, it’s mitigated by Esme still spoiling Carmelita rotten and keeping Carmelita’s old lifestyle she’s used too. It also help in the TAA and TSS she just used words as weapons, so this ‘jump’ was just a real shocker and showing how Carmelita while knowing of VFD, is still blind to their hidden nature if she didn’t dwell to much over it.

Stew on the other hand, is a bully who has been using force since the first book, but it’s on the low-down side. Now, Stew is willingly working with Hangfire, and he just decided to go all out and take it up a notch. And Stew unlike Carmelita, isn’t blind to what is going on. I think. It’s also possible Stew doesn’t know the major end goal of Hangfire and Stew is happy he gets to continue bullying people through any means, and his target just has to be Lemony. I honestly don’t know what’s up with him and his actions.

Speaking of Lemony...someone help this poor child mentally and physically. This is all too much for a thirteen year old (or anyone). He has to worry about Kit and save a dying town, and IDK if Theodora is even going to help in the final book if she wanted to high tail it out of there. He’s feeling more lonely than ever and Imaginary!Kit shows up again. Lemony Snicket you just jinx yourself about being lonely shouldn’t stop at age thirteen ;_; you have no idea what is in store, especially when it comes to your siblings. Lemony is closer to Kit than to Jacques, but the ‘flashback’ to playing Beethoven was sweet because the two were able to spend time together and this was like, the first time Lemony actually thought of Jacques in who know how long. Now I’m thinking about Netflix!Lemony wishing he spend more time with Jacques.

So uh...Olaf got a name drop (is guess who referring to the game? band? IDK who Q is but, this is gonna be weird with my headcanon of Mr. Quagmire), I covered Bertrand’s name drop...and Josephine cameos.

If I have to put her on a tier list, Josephine would be the middle between ‘like’ and ‘neutral’. She isn’t my favorite character and guardian, but I like her enough to not put her in neutral (and I have thoughts on her that I won’t 100% share here). With many fears (rational, irrational, surprisingly rational but on first glance irrational), due to VFD messing with her to where she has no choice to become a hermit and hide away from the danger of the world and become very safety conscious. Her years of being frighten grew to where she is cowardly and cares for herself more at times (she does ‘scream’ coward near the end of the TWW, especially in the books and Movie).

Once Quite Adventurous (Movie Only), and Fierce and Formidable (Netflix Only), if it’s not a headcanon, it’s almost canon Ike’s death was the turning point for Josephine deciding to hide away from the world. With Ike’s death, Josephine must have thought she has no choice to retreat to her hazard of a home and live alone for who know how long to keep herself safe. In both adaptations, they show hints (and Netflix only; also shown it via flashback) of Josephine’s old life through photographs. Also in both adaptations, it seems Josephine really went from ‘dangerous lifestyle’ to ‘gonna hide in my room please go away’ very fast after Ike’s demise. 

So, I’m happy and a bit upset Josephine cameos in this ATWQ book. Josephine is not 100% Quite Adventurous, or 100% Fierce and Formidable. I mean, she is those thing, but Josephine is also rather...Cautious. The fact Lemony even calls her ‘careful girl’ and Josephine is taking a risk to visit SBTS seems both adaptations was exaggerating her personality before Ike’s death/possible retirement from VFD. While certainly less afraid of the world, and much braver than TWW, there’s a implication Josephine is on her tip-toes, as well as making sure where she steps (or flies to in her helicopter). I have to say showing a teen Josephine being cautious is a good way to show how her extremism phobias and hermit habits have their roots since her younger years.

And that’s why I’m happy and a bit upset. I’m happy Josephine’s character is explore and it’s fueling to my pile of headcanons that are half bake for her. But I’m upset because...the adaptations. I’ll give Movie!Josephine a minor break though. Since it came out before ATWQ, I doubt Daniel Handler had even thought of this series and character cameos planned out. Movie!Josephine was a shot in the dark and one of the few things that somehow came out unscratched. I think the film played up her fears and cowardliness, but her photo album doesn’t mess up anything regarding ATWQ’s cameo.

Netflix however, has ATWQ. And from my past re-watch, I can now see there’s some references to ATWQ that went over my head (I am seriously hopping I didn’t got accidentally spoilers *stares at [RETRACTED]*). Anyway, Netflix!Josephine’s portrayed and the changes are fitting to her character. Her last act of courage after realizing Olaf killed Ike is rather nice. Yeah, I know it seems Josephine snapped due to his grammar mistake, but on the re-watch Josephine was all \OMO/ when Olaf slips up on the tamales, so I think Josephine confront Olaf for Ike’s murder and his bad grammar. I don’t want to say they ignore Josephine being described as a careful girl in her youth to making her freaking Sporty(TM), but if I do think of rewatching the show again sometime soon after finishing ATWQ (I started reading the first chapter before lunch and I think I’ll have more time the rest of the week to read),  ATWQ’s cameo will be haunting the back of my mind.

Josephine totally needed to called out Lemony for ditching Kit, just like Hector. Though I guess Josephine has more reason to since Kit is really close to getting lock up, all because of two ‘new’ characters: Gifford and Ghede, who also tried to kidnapped Lemony back in the first book. Damn, for ‘noble’ VFD members, they sure suck at their job if Kit is still arrested and they tried to kidnapped Lemony...for some reason.

Are they are on the fire starting side?

[virtualfindingsdocumented]

This is like. If I was working at the same time in the atwq as asoue au and the 2004 canon fic and the reversal au fic. Is the Lemony I am thinking about movie!Klaus’s clone or is he Hangfire 2.0 or is he just invisible? But I am also writing movie!Klaus and Hangfire except he is Dr. Feint and he is ridiculous at times. Who started the fire anyway, Hangfire or Olaf or Lemony? Who am I? Who is narrating this?

It’s a mess but this is what I love about these fics. These three are some of my favorites I have written here (well, reversal au is just in my drafts still but one day!). Then there’s Markson family stuff which is my baby that I love and protect, and my hidden gem in which Lemony is Hangfire’s son (which is technically a child of the reversal au because evil!Lemony is Hangfire 2.0). And Markson family stuff gave birth to firestarter!Bertrand au which I totally don’t have ulterior reasons for loving so much

[badlydrawndrawnings]

atwq book one thoughts

when the first atwq book came out, i was no longer part of the targeted audience. still, when the book came out and i was at walmart shopping with my mom, i was able to check out the book/magazine section and read at least up to the end of chapter one (we had to leave because we needed to go to the checkout line). i liked what i read, and wanted to read more, but i just couldn’t afford to buy the book.

few years back i got spoiled on rather minor details of the books. i decided to do everything in my power to not get spoil from that point on (i usually hunt down spoilers in my other fandoms, but asoue was one of my first fandom i entered via me and my sister. no one else read the books or weren’t fans of them, so we turn to each other to talk about them. getting spoilers for my first fandom hurt me in a way that doesn’t hurt when compare to my other fandoms)

now i got a chance to read the atwq books and i took my sweet time (i began reading at the beginning of the new year year) for the first book. i hope i don’t get spoilers for the remaining books. i’m basically going to do a review of sorts for all four books, but it’s not going to be organized half the time and me probably having some rambles of the original asoue book series + personal stuff that’s not heavy. it’s under the cut to not clog up space + keep most spoilers out.

so this first book and i guess the rest of the series only exists because lemony and kit wants to steal something in the city and lemony deciding to leave kit all by herself, this hangfire wants a stolen statue that’s actually not stolen (because he’s the one who basically came up with the story it was stolen) for reasons, and hangfire deciding that as well as making up a lie he also decides to kidnap a man from his daughter for the BB statue (i’m too lazy to write out the whole name), with lemony deciding to stay to help ellington and strain’d-by-the-sea (i’ll call it sbts i’m too lazy to right it fully again).

thought it does make me wonder something. just how super important is ellington’s dad to be worth kidnapping and become a hostage as well. like, this guy is straight up willing to use ellington and her desire to get her dad back. yes, ellington has shady vibes but they’re all here because of someone who doesn’t want to do his own freaking work of stealing a freaking statue! 

granted because i got also strong noir vibes, especially given lemony is sort of crushing on her but not really and agreeing to help ellington find her dad and like, the opening paragraph of the book is something of a give away, i get the feeling i shouldn’t trust and have my heart on my sleeve 100% for ellington. she is clearly the kid friendly version of the woman character who makes the request to the detective and is totally gonna backstab the detective at some point.

but because i’m not really seeing these signs now in this first book, as well as having terrible judgement when it comes to backstabbing characters i’m just gonna do exactly as the above. i think because ellington talks fondly of her father from what i know of, i think it’s just me wanting a character in this series to have a good parent who is alive.

onto the next character moxie! i like moxie and her friendship with lemony. he needs friends who aren’t completely in this whole vfd mess. bit off topic, but i always thought the kind editor in asoue was a woman for some reason. and despite knowing her for a few days, lemony trusts her enough to tells her things kind of makes me think she is the kind editor.

so, pip and squeaks are clearly the kids who will wear a trench coat and pretend to be an adult. looking at the illustration, squeaks looks like a walking toddler but i get the feeling’s like, five. pip looks like his age so no problem there. so, gonna headcanon that when they go out to get their driver license they are going to ace the test with all early practice

in regards to dashiell qwerty, i like him, and for weird reasons. first off, his freaking last name is something i adore. qwerty is just the freaking first letter row of a keyboard. this is some ace attorney level of naming (they love puns and  meanings for many of their characters). second, the one illustration of qwerty makes me of ghost trick (the hair and sunglasses is basically the character design of the main playable character). i’m honestly sorry for bringing of things you probably don’t know, but i like him and trust him. i feel like i shouldn’t get too attach to him. if the sub-sub-librarian got freaking shot with a harpoon gun, i should expect something bad happen to qwerty. the fact he’s not even part of vfd makes me even more worry.

on prosper lost i have little to say. well, i can say ‘eh’. but it’s a good eh. he’s just a man trying to run a business in a dying sbts. i wish him all the luck it doesn’t close down

i have some harsh words about the mitchum family. but before i go into it, i want to talk about carmelita spats. as a child, i did not like her. she reminded me of a bully i had while as a kid who eventually left the school, so her return in the later books made me upset because shes like, agreeing to work with the villians. i wasn’t immune from bullies at least until my first year of high school, so when i did a re-read in middle school (and post high school pre-netflix show) i still didn’t like her. 

however, i admit i feel some pity i did not have for her when i was little kid. she’s clearly an orphan who doesn’t know it (i think her parents during taa were alive and spoiling her rotten), and while knowing that she was going to side with esme and olaf, a part of me wished something in the narrative change. i knew that realistically she was going to still side with the villains, but at the same time, i had the dumb idea that maybe she wouldn’t (so when it happens, i went ‘why did i thought the opposite that i’m being silly’). watching netflix!asoue and another re-read with netflix’s show in mind, she’s just a character i love to hate while having a ton of pity for her. i think her rotten behavior is because her parents are showering her love and affection, but sadly by this ‘babying’ and spoiling, it made her think she deserves everything and handed on a platter. hearing the wonderful words from esme and olaf (more esme than olaf), carmelita believe they were going to be loving her like her parents did, maybe even more.

when it came to deciding what is carmelita’s fate is, i usually think she survived the fire, but died from fire related injuries. however, after meeting the mitchum and their oh so ‘lovely’ son, i’m recanting it. i thought carmelita was a terrible child, but no, stew is the real terrible child. i read this book twice, and i can’t find anything from the pages to my freaking heart that can make me love to hate him or give him pity (like, even in the smallest ounce of pity my middle school self gave for carmelita). it’s not help that his parents are too blind and obsess with fighting with each other to work together and see their son is not the sweetheart they think he is. worst, i can’t tell if stew is using this to his advantage or if he’s just that much of bully who gets away with it and doesn’t know his parents are arguing that much.

(going back to carmelita, my new headcanon for her is that she was thought to be dead, and esme - who i think survived the fire- ditch out of grief. upset at being abandon, carmelita decides to go back home to what she presumed to be her worried parents (she’s been missing for like, a few days at max). but discovering the remains of her family house in ashes she enters an almost breakdown because in hindsight, she should have listen to the orphans, as well as having to accept she’s an orphan -the one thing she didn’t want to be. while on the trip back to her parents carmelita drags ernest -who i think also survived- into taking her home because since he worked with esme, carmelita is his responsibility now. ernest is still in grief over the lost of his brothers and wants nothing to do with her, but does so because he wants this kid to return back home to her real family and have no more part of vfd. with the discovery, ernest decides to raise her as his own. it works out compare to esme’s care, and carmelita becomes a better person due to ernest raising her as a real parent and not someone spoiling her 24/7 and because of their experience allow them bond and reflect their life choices.)

in regards to s theodora markson...i don’t know how to feel about her. everything she does in this book towards lemony makes sense if he was an older teenager of 17 or 18. she doesn’t want back talk and is willing to kick lemony out of the car. she is making lemony do things no one his age should do. i know lemony is an apprentice but this is all so mind-boggling hard for someone his age to do (like, even at 17 and 18 is the same but that's older so i’m not as worry but worry none the less). however, given she’s a vfd member, i bet what she went through is just a tough and harsh (maybe even more; times change it’s possible what lemony is going through is actually a water down version of what she and her generation went through), and if the schism affected her in ways i may never know. i do wonder who is her last apprentice.

as for lemony snicket himself...i have words. i got introduced to the asoue series as a kid via my sister and the movie, and it’s actually a funny story. my sister told me there’s this cool movie i would like. when i saw the the littlest elf stop motion i almost left the living room out of confusion. then some british narrator cuts in and after he does his bit, i sat back down and my sister paused the movie and laugh at me (turns out she watch the movie beforehand and wanted to see my reaction). throughout my entire life i only knew lemony snicket as guy who is very sad man who lost everything in his life and does his best to help three children who as it turns out, are children to the woman he loves (loved), and has maybe a faint hope of reuniting with what may be the last member of his family (i read the beatrice letters once and and beatrice’s ii letter wanting to meet him is one of the few details i remember).

so basically reading a kid!lemony snicket is jarring. i can’t say he has a personality change because kid!lemony is still the same as adult!lemony. clearly getting pinned for crimes he didn’t commit, being force to be on the run, and his fiancee broke things off with him happening around the same time and with the fact he probably never saw his siblings again when becoming a fugitive was the biggest shift to a lonely, depressed man who is willing to stay at the edge of a random town and cry and not set foot in it. however, i think there are traces of who kid!lemony eventually become.

kid!lemony is willing to go to a random town he doesn’t know. kid!lemony is spunky and wants to solve this mystery in his own correct way. kid!lemony is all ‘i’m gonna do something and there’s nothing you [theodora] or anyone else can do to stop me’ and like any kid, will make mistakes and will screw up (he fell for hangfire’s voice mimicry after all). but i know that in the end of the day, it’s only a matter of time before things turn sour and traces of adult!lemony shows up in kid!lemony. his ‘talk’ to the imaginary kit is definitely traces of what is the eventually adult!lemony: a lonely person who wants someone/something that is familiar comfort that could brings some amount of joy. kid!lemony uses his imagination, while adult!lemony turns to his memories (netflix!lemony could be using his imagination to ‘look’ into his memories to feel better).

there isn’t too much left to say, other than the spoilers i learn. i am upset to learn asoue characters cameo in the series. i got more upset that one of the cameos i learn was hector. i knew he was a vfd member because the tua confirm it via jacques letter to lemony, but this really 100% confirm it. i wanted to be surprise. it seems i wasn’t completely spoiled, because i was really surprise to see hector be the first cameo. 

hector is one of the few adult characters i like. i think it’s because i relate to his skittish behavior- i’m not on the level as him-  i thought of him as hispanic/mexican -i’m half mexican from my father’s side- and because until jerome and justice strauss’s return in the tpp, hector is the only adult who while failing baudelaires (for not standing up for jacques and willing to leave them in their jail cell) makes up for it 100% and grows as a character. he successfully helps the baudelaires when it came to saving duncan and isadora via the self sustaining hot air mobile home (contrast to jerome, who when the children begs for help, decides to not help because he realizes he’s not brave enough for the task), and rightfully calls out vfd the place for their rules and overall behavior (contrast to justice strauss, who while does use her judicial powers to make the marriage null and calls count olaf out, has listen to a legal argument first due to being enraptured by the idea of being on the stage).

i think by default, i like kid!hector. he basically had my reaction when asking  confirmation that the butler (hangfire) did it, and i share that desire of wanting a (good) mexican restaurant [i consider taco bell as a ‘mexican restaurant’ but honestly i don’t like their menu]. it’s jarring to see kid!hector speak his mind and can be harsh without any signs of the skittish behavior. i will say kid!hector’s call out reflect nicely on how adult!hector at the end of tvv called out vfd the place. i guess hector is the type of guy who would make call outs on other people, not the person who is the target of call outs. it’s sad kid!hector call outs kid!lemony for not helping kit, but adult!hector will do nothing to save jacques from his eventual death. adult!hector is the thing kid!hector would hate, and i can’t help but wonder if hector hates himself for what he did.

[virtualfindingsdocumented]

Tell me..: your asoue theories....,......

Oh, boy. I will try to focus more on the stuff I thought myself than on what I read and I liked, or else this will get too long. Though the line is very blurry by now.

Books:

- The sugar bowl contains/contained a key to an archive with proofs of the crimes committed by all VFD members. (I also like the empty sugar bowl theory a lot).

- The survivor of the fire is not Quigley nor Beatrice.

- The taxi driver is Lemony Snicket.

- Hal is a Volunteer Fighting Disease.

- Esmé doesn’t care a lot about the contents of the sugar bowl, she is just extremely possessive.

- Arthur and Eleanora Poe know about VFD and have been manipulated by them for a long time.

- The Baudelaires’ distant relatives are not actually their relatives.

- Ike had a good reason to not wait 1 hour to enter the lake.

- Geraldine Julienne is a firestarter.

- Beatrice II was separated from the Baudelaires because she was taken by VFD.

- The Great Unknown is the Bombinating Beast and Lemony still has the statue. He had full control of the Beast during the last books and was trying to use it to rescue the Baudelaires and other people he cares about. Kit would have lived if she let the Beast take her, but she was afraid and one of the reasons is that Lemony never told her about it.

- The Quagmires know a lot more than they tell.

- Some of the documents in TUA are fake, which is one of the reasons why the timelines don’t fit. 

- By the end of the story, Lemony is the one who has the sugar bowl, but it is useless by now.

- Lemony used to work with Dewey and Kit in the sub-sub library.

ATWQ:

- Hangfire had previous involvement with VFD.

- Hangfire and his allies and VFD were playing a game of manipulating each other and Lemony ruined the plans of all of them with his good intentions.

- Ellington is the woman who refused to join Olaf and wanted to protect her statues in TCC.

- Lemony is Hangfire’s son.

Movie*:

*Probably not intended

- The Big House Burner Eye was built by VFD and used by them many times.

Netflix:

- VFD was already powerful in that region when the city was founded, which is why it has an eye shape.

- Likewise, Lake Lachrymose is artificial and also built by VFD.

- Jacques didn’t tell everything Olivia needed to know to her and never intended to.

- No one knows when or why the schism started and at this point they are afraid of asking.

- The Baudelaire parents hadn’t talked to the volunteers in years and none of them know what they wanted for their children.

- VFD has an interest in keeping Poe in his job.

- The Official Fire Department is up to something.

- Josephine isn’t dead.

- Josephine had a firestarter phase.

- Prufrock was sabotaged by firestarters.

I am sure I have a lot more but these are the ones I am thinking of now.

[virtualfindingsdocumented]

It has been a while since I made a “Lemony is Hangfire’s son” post but don’t be mistaken, I think about it all the time

It’s just that I don’t know what to do with it besides that fic. I don’t know how Lemony and Ellington could find it out without it being weird (this verse ends up in a similar scenario as Lonely Souls, in which Ellington sticks with Lemony because of Little Bea) (also in which Ellington is a lesbian so no one will think I mean to put incestuous things in this story bc C’MON YOU GUYS COMPLAIN ABOUT CHILDREN ““STRAIGHT ROMANCE”” ALL THE FUKIN TIME BUT EVERYONE IS READY TO THINK ELLINGTON/LEMONY OR LEMONY->ELLINGTON ARE ABSOLUTELY TRUE BECAUSE THEODORA THE MOST UNOBSERVANT BEING SINCE ARTHUR POE ONCE SAID SO)