#lia is offering you something

[vesselsscarlet]

Just a little offering from my side:

If you wanna talk because you feel lonely/bored/... My DMs are open.

This counts for every single matter. And also for surviving New years Eve as well.

I am here. Do not hesitate to step in.

I can also give you my Discord if you prefer it.🥰

[helloporcelain]

Doux

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3 Pairing: Astarion/fem!Tav Rating: explicit (18+)  Tags: oral sex (involving period blood), piv sex, blood drinking, mutual pining, slow burn, orgasm denial, mentions of Astarion's trauma (but not graphic), there's also like the TINIEST mention of rimming & breathplay but i promise it's so mild, oneshot Summary: Tav seemed perfectly normal in their day to day, but Astarion knew that she was avoiding him. It had been that way since the last time he had fed on her. Read on AO3 if you prefer

Tav couldn't help but celebrate. 

The last couple of days had been grueling. Gods, it had felt so good to finally get back to camp. A dip in the cool river, followed by a change into the lovely dress Alfira had gifted her, had Tav feeling like a brand new person for the night. She had stuffed herself so full on a feast of cheese pies and grilled pork belly that she nearly threw up, and then after, she dramatically retold the story of the goblin slaying to the group of wide-eyed children. It felt like a massive weight was lifted off her shoulders – she and her companions had been awarded a win, one they really needed.

Grateful tieflings swarmed Tav the entire night, showering her with wine-fueled hugs of gratitude. She waved off their praises, insisting that it had been a team effort and encouraged the others to accept their share of recognition as well, because there was no way she could’ve done it all by herself. Eventually, Tav found herself sandwiched between Shadowheart and Karlach on a log. The two women were drunk and engaged in unabashed flirtatious banter with each other. Tav, however, kept her wits about her. She took a swig from a tepid mug of ale, her eyes locked onto Astarion across the camp. He was visibly annoyed by the children surrounding him, all clamoring to catch a glimpse of the bow he used to slay goblins.

In the midst of all the chaos, he caught her staring at him through the dancing tieflings. Astarion tipped his head sideways, as if asking a question. Startled, she choked on her drink, inadvertently spilling some on Karlach. 

“Oops,” Tav said, as Shadowheart leaned over her lap to wipe off the ale from Karlach’s pants before the sizzle of the burning liquid caused her to yelp and quickly withdraw her hand.

“We really need to fix that, don’t we?” Shadowheart muttered sarcastically, fanning her injured hand, attempting to cool it down.

“Maybe lay off the wine,” Tav suggested sarcastically. “I’m going to go make my rounds. The people need their gracious host.”

She set off to mingle with the others, and felt the stare radiating through her as she joined the nearby chatter. Lia and Cal, to be exact, were begging for Rolan to present some fireworks. Rolan conjured a rather underwhelming prestidigitation spell, prompting Tav to tuck her mug under her armpit and offer a polite clap after an awkward pause. Round and round, Tav meandered through the camp as she talked to everyone, hells, even Withers, avoiding Astarion as if her life depended on it. With each new person, they topped her mug off with fresh ale. 

As the night wore on and the ale warmed her cheeks, Tav found herself growing increasingly uninhibited. By the time she reached Halsin, she couldn’t resist flirting with him. Who could blame her? Halsin’s gigantic muscles had called out to her, and he was nothing if not good natured. The mountain of an elf laughed off her inebriated advances gently – his head was elsewhere, not that she blamed him. 

“There are many grateful people here who would want to spend time with you,” Halsin said, a glint in his eye. Tav wanted to follow the look, but chose not to, knowing where it trailed behind her. “I must not keep you all to myself. As enjoyable as that may be.” 

She offered something of an agreement before she wandered off to the nearby river, seeking solace and a moment to contemplate on her thoughts, away from the songs and dancing. 

**

The first time Astarion fed on her, Tav had accidentally fallen into a trance one night outside her tent. She had insisted the rest of her companions get some sleep while she cleaned up from the mess they made at supper. After washing the cauldron out in the river, she lugged it back to the fire and had meant to sit down for just a second of rest. Before she knew it, she had drifted off, only to awaken with Astarion hovering over her, teeth bared, wearing an expression she had never seen before. With a dagger pressed to his chest, the look was gone, replaced by a frantic attempt to explain why he had loomed over her so ominously. She couldn't fathom why he was scared; he knew her knife skills were almost as poor as Gale's.

When he confessed the truth, Tav's heart grew heavy – heavy for the way he asked for her trust, no, insisted that she could trust him. Every instinct in her screamed she would be foolish to, but she did.

But she was firm; he could feed on her this one time. After that, it was enemies only, or else. Companions weren’t food, they needed their strength just as he did, and he would not become accustomed to using her – or any of them, for that matter – to satisfy his needs.

Not that any of the others lined up to be his bloodwell... though the group tolerated Astarion, there’d been a sense of uneasiness among the others about the truth. 

Tav braced herself for discomfort at best (and suffering, at worst), but she was completely thrown when all she felt was desire. The unexpected pleasure took her by surprise, though it made sense in hindsight. If it were nothing but pain, vampires wouldn't have gained their notorious reputation for seduction. It felt as though Astarion had plunged his fingers into the depths of her chest and held her heart in a vice-like grip. The more blood he drew from her, the more she wanted for Astarion to take everything he needed, even at the cost of her own life. In the briefest second, Tav felt herself fading away to the gentle chill of her lifesource dwindling, her neck so numb she couldn’t parse out where his fangs were.  In the end, she barely pushed him off her, doubting his self control. Tav noticed the change in Astarion immediately – his face looked brighter, his eyes less dull. Before he left, he promised he wouldn’t forget the gift that she had given him. 

Two weeks later, Tav surprised herself by offering her blood to him a second time.

The camp was quieter than usual. It had been a long day and it had taken its toll on them all. Auntie Ethel turned out to be much more than they had anticipated – offering no cure, only trouble. Shadowheart had gone to her tent for her evening prayers. Gale blew his candles out early, claiming eight hours of sleep was necessary for his mind, body, and complexion. The rest sat by the fire, settling for a bit of relaxation before they retired for the night. Lae’zel, Wyll and Karlach were engaged in a very competitive game of cards while Astarion lounged nearby, engrossed in a book he had stolen from the hag’s teahouse.

Tav had been writing furiously in her journal next to him, when she reached down to her satchel, rummaging through to find an apple for dessert. She couldn’t help but peek at him through the corner of her eye. Astarion had been unusually silent since their return to camp. She had a feeling he was tense from their run in with the monster hunter earlier that day. During the exchange, she noticed a second of panic run across his face as Gandrel revealed who he was searching to capture. The monster hunter never did end up accomplishing his job – courtesy of Astarion and his dagger. 

“If you have something to say, Tav, darling,” he said, his eyes fixed on his book. “You should just say it. It’s ill-mannered to stare.” 

Tav turned the apple over in her lap, contemplating if it was smart to broach the subject, then began nonchalantly, “I don’t suppose you want to address what happened earlier.”

“You want to hear about Cazador,” Astarion said with a tired disdain. “My old master. Before the mind flayers took me from him. Before this strange, twisted freedom.” He slammed the book shut with one hand, and Tav listened intently as he painted a picture of Cazador. A cruel, paranoid master who tortured Astarion for two centuries. A monster obsessed with power, a monster of which it was very clear that Astarion would go to great lengths to never return to.

It was so much worse than Astarion had let on. 

“Why do you think he wants you alive?” she asked.

Astarion pursed his lips. “Maybe he wants to make an example of me. To show what happens to runaways.” He cast his eyes aside before giving her a solemn look. “Or, maybe, he thinks death is too good for me.” 

Tav had always known that Astarion wore a mask, but she had never realized just how often it was in place. It was a remarkably well crafted one, but every mask was bound to slip off at some point. From the very first day they crossed paths, she had found something about him to be perplexing, though she couldn't put her finger on it.  She had thought of him as arrogant, a little malicious, and selfish. Yet, in that moment, as his gaze drifted far away into the embers of the fire, she saw something else—a hint of fear.

“I’m sorry, Astarion,” she said with sincerity. There wasn’t much else for her to say, and she doubted he wanted empty platitudes. 

Astarion nodded appreciatively. “Thank you, but – this isn’t about sympathy. It’s about knowing what we might be up against. The mind flayers aren’t the only monsters out there, hunting us. All I’m asking is that you keep your eyes open, and watch out for anything lurking in the shadows.” 

Her hand inched closer to his fingers, an inhumane chill radiating from them. Tav thought about putting her hand over his in comfort, but thought it too intimate of a gesture for them. “As long as I’m around, I’ll watch your back,” she promised. “You will never go back to him. I won’t let it happen.” 

Astarion’s posture relaxed as he pulled his hand away from the warmth of hers, and gave her a smile – the one that never reached his eyes.  “What more could I ask for? Now, is that all?” 

His fingers tapped a restless beat on his book, as though they might start flipping the pages on their own. Tav studied his face. He had deep mauve bags under his eyes, and his gaze had darkened to the color of oxblood. She wondered how many animals he must have voraciously consumed to still remain so far from the vibrant state he had been in after she had shared her blood with him. Tav weighed the decision to offer him her blood again. She pictured Astarion feeding on rats as if daintily sipping tea from a tiny cup and it was somewhat amusing, but mostly it just made her pity him.

“I was thinking…” she paused, looking down to the apple in her lap. She brought it up to her face and peered at it, checking it for worms. 

“Oh no. That’s never a good sign.” 

Rolling her eyes, she continued, "...that you looked more weary than usual. Perhaps you might fancy a bite?" His fingers slowed their tapping as his eyes fixated on her mouth. Tav crunched into the apple and cocked her head at him.

"Well," Astarion replied, a hint of pleasant surprise in his tone. "I suppose if you're offering a treat, then who am I to turn you down?"

“Don’t misunderstand me,” Tav said, expression stern as she emphasized her words. “We won’t make a habit of this. But… we do need you strong for when we reach the goblin camp.” 

Astarion’s smile changed into the nefarious smirk that she was familiar with. “If you say so,” he purred, leaning closer to whisper in her ear.  “Come to my tent after the others have fallen asleep.” 

Two hours later, she cursed herself for picking the furthest possible area from him to lay down her tent.  Tav quietly crept across the camp to Astarion, pausing every couple of steps just to listen for snores. She just didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea; as the unofficial leader of the group, feeding Astarion was a purely strategic move.

Sneaking past Karlach was nerve-wracking – she had an open tent, explaining that she ran too hot in an enclosed space. Luckily, the barbarian slept still like a boulder. It was Scratch, who dozed at her feet, that made Tav pause. She brought her finger to her lips and gestured for the dog to stay quiet, his sleepy eyes following her until she reached Astarion's tent. She crouched and leaned against the closed fabric. 

Not knowing what to say, Tav whispered, “Dinner’s here.”

“Cute. Come in, darling.” 

Tav poked into the tent and found him reclining on his bedroll, propped up by an excessive number of pillows, more than anyone else had. He had stolen them in Waukeen’s Rest, grumbling about missing the comfort of a proper bed like a civilized person. It was her first time seeing the inside of his tent, and she couldn't resist taking it all in. The inside was dimly lit by a single candle atop a stack of looted books, and next to him was a tray hosting an array of colorful rings and necklaces he collected from both unsuspecting innocents and dead bodies. Even out in the wilderness, Astarion was opulent. He had changed into his fine nightclothes and looked at her with a raised eyebrow – she was still wearing her muddy, fight-stained cloak.  

“Ah, right.” She looked down at herself. “I washed up, promise. Just didn’t want to traipse around at this hour in my nightshirt.” She shrugged the coat off onto the ground, revealing a plain night outfit. “I don’t plan on being in here long.” 

"Well, make yourself comfortable nonetheless," Astarion beckoned, sitting up and gesturing towards the snug space they now shared. “Just be very quiet and our little midnight rendezvous will stay a secret.” He shuffled on his pillows, inviting her closer.

“I should’ve hoarded some pillows like you,” Tav remarked. “You’re resting like a little princess.” 

Astarion chuckled. "Oh, my dear, you'll be sleeping quite soundly after I'm finished here. Come, sit on my lap." She hesitated, making a reluctant face. 

"Now, don't be difficult," he continued with a playful grin. "It'll be far more comfortable for you this way. I wouldn't want to accidentally suffocate you again, as I nearly did last time." Tav inched towards him, careful to not touch anywhere but the bedroll. She knelt down and followed his request, straddling him while placing a hand on his shoulder for support. A sudden shiver ran down her spine as she felt just how icy he was, catching her off guard.

"Sorry," Tav broke the silence, "You’re so cold. I grew up with the chill, but you’re different."

“I have bad circulation,” Astarion replied dryly.

Tav shifted her body on him, hoping he didn’t realize how mortified she was. "Are you comfortable?" 

He responded with an earnest chuckle and brushed a few strands of hair away from her face. "You're rather adorable, aren't you?" He gently pushed her face to the side, positioning her neck at the perfect angle for him. "I knew you liked this more than you let on."

“Don’t speak nonsense,” she spluttered, her head snapping back to look at him. “I am doing you a favor.” 

Astarion adjusted her face to the side again, his hand now more firmly gripping her chin. “Don’t be coy,” he murmured, low and seductive. “Your body has already given you away.” 

He leaned into her neck, taking in her smell, lips hovering over her bare skin. “I could feel it, you know, as I was getting lost in your neck. Your little shakes of excitement.” Tav’s back stiffened and she felt the urge to leap and run out the tent, but his other arm tightened its grasp around her hip. “You enjoyed it, didn’t you?”

Her body betrayed her when she gasped as his mouth pressed against her skin, goosebumps prickling her arms and the back of her neck.

“You don’t have to say a thing. I already know how you feel. I feel it too.” 

And then he sunk his fangs into the pulse of Tav’s neck, her fingers digging into his arm. Her stinging skin parted under his sharp teeth with frightening ease. Tav never thought of herself as delicate, but she felt as vulnerable as a little rabbit torn apart by a hound.

She jerked suddenly when Astarion bit down harder, willing her frantically beating heart to pump more blood faster into his mouth. He made a small noise, something resembling relief, as each droplet surged past his lips. Sucking away and lapping at the wound at the base of her neck, as if he were merely cleaning up a small mess he made, caused an electric sensation to shoot through her spine and then down to her groin. His hands dug a tighter grip into the sides of her body as he sucked and sucked and sucked. Black dots slowly speckled her vision as if distant stars were blinking into existence. She let out a choked whimper, her body quivering beyond her control.  Blissed out crimson eyes met hers as he pulled away briefly, his lips glistening with her life's essence. His gaze burned into her, the hunger swirling in his eyes.

“That’s a strange definition of quiet.” 

Before she could reply, Astarion placed a firm palm over her mouth. With his lips away from her neck, she felt her blood flow down her collarbones, dripping into the hollow of her chest. He tongued at the trail at the top of her shoulders, lapping up the burgundy rivulets. She shuddered as he went lower to her ruffled nightshirt, and he gently pulled down at it just enough to lazily clean up the remaining droplets at the top of her breasts. 

Her chest rose and fell as she struggled to control her breathing, and that was when Tav noticed the hardness pressed underneath her. “Just a little more, darling,” Astarion panted.

His tongue scorched on her skin as he licked up the trail, fangs grazing her skin on his way back to the puncture marks. His hand fell from Tav’s mouth, eyes rolling to the back of his head as another gush of warm blood hit his tongue, coating every crevice of his mouth.

“Astarion.”

His name tumbled out from her in a moan, as she was painfully aware in equal parts both of the erection against her and the wetness soaking through her undergarment. He didn’t respond, but he did stop suckling at her neck. “You can stop now.” 

Then with a degree of reluctance, he removed his lips from her, mouth and chin so completely covered in her blood that it looked morbidly lewd. Tav looked up at him with wide eyes, heart pounding. 

“We could get some privacy,” Astarion murmured after a few seconds passed. His fingers traced down her back, sending a tickle through her backbone. She stiffened, keeping her eyes fixed on his, a reply trapped in her throat.  “To enjoy ourselves more. I know somewhere quiet, not far from here.” He shifted his lap and pressed himself against her, to show her what he meant, if he wasn’t clear enough. 

Tav’s resolve wavered for a moment, but she quickly composed herself and moved to push herself off him, though his arms behind her back kept her in place. “That– that's enough, actually,” she responded, her ragged breath catching up to an even pace. She wasn’t going to respond to his suggestion. Tav knew he was toying with her, that he thought her naive.

“You’re looking better already, for a dead man,” Tav said coolly. He huffed in annoyance and leaned back, granting her space to stand up from his lap. “Your eyes,” she observed. “They glow when you feed on me. A person’s blood does wonders for you."

Astarion lifted his hand up to his mouth, swiping off the wet, shining blood. He coated his fingers with what remained and languidly sucked, keeping a fixed gaze on her that made her want to run for the hills. 

“That is the understatement of the century, my dear.” 

Tav tried to hide the way her fingers trembled as she attempted to button up her cloak, haphazardly connecting the wrong ones. He watched her intently as she covered up his bite with the garment.  She opened the flap halfway and, before she left, turned to face Astarion, her voice firm. “Don’t expect this again.”

Astarion offered a wry smile. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

**

Astarion didn't fancy himself a connoisseur of puzzles and riddles. He loathed prolonged attempts at figuring things out. Patience was a virtue he seldom possessed, especially if figuring out something – or someone – took too long. He supposed he'd grown accustomed to resolving things rather quickly, a skill honed during centuries of servitude to his demanding master, Cazador.

Well… former master. But Astarion didn't want to regard Cazador in past terms, not just yet. He didn’t feel he had the luxury. Not while the wicked vampire lord was actively searching for him. Astarion was skilled at deception, but he refused to lie to himself; fear gnawed at him relentlessly and he found himself barely able to meditate in peace most of the time. He was plagued by nightmares of Cazador finding him and dragging him back into his clutches. So, he conceived of backup plan upon backup plan. He didn’t entirely rule out Raphael – the devil potentially had the power to free him from Cazador, but it would undoubtedly come with strings attached. Would the worm wriggling behind his eye be key to his freedom? Perhaps, if he didn’t turn into a mindflayer first. 

Ironically, all of those possibilities just meant merely shifting him from one master’s control to another.

Astarion sighed, keeping a watchful eye on Mol. She thought she was being quite sneaky, attempting to pickpocket him. He flicked the child in the forehead as punishment, and sent her scampering away with a handful of rings he had deliberately allowed her to take.

Why had he been granted a second, well, technically third chance at life, only to be confronted with one grim option after another? What had he done in his previous life to deserve this? He had been so young when he turned, Astarion couldn't quite recall the details anymore. He remembered working for the government—and probably was not the most benevolent magistrate back then—but surely, he couldn't have been any worse than any other charlatan. It’s not like he kicked children or orchestrated an illicit gnome trafficking ring, right?

His chain of thoughts broke at the sight of Tav’s bright eyes locked on him from across the camp. She averted her gaze when he returned the look. After that, all he could see was the curtain of her hair veiling her face as she maneuvered around the camp, chatting with everybody else.

Tav seemed perfectly normal in their day to day, but Astarion knew that she was avoiding him. It had been that way since the last time he had fed on her. And she was right to avoid him; it was a foolish thing she had done, trusting Astarion like that. She just couldn’t help herself, could she? Anyone who batted an eyelash at her and cried a sob story got a helping hand from her, it didn’t matter who. She didn’t stop to think that it wasn’t how the world worked – some people weren’t destined to be helped, no matter how often they prayed to the gods.

Tav was good and it sickened him. 

Without her, Astarion thought, he would’ve been content to let the tieflings meet their fate, either slaughtered on the road or at the hands of the druids – it didn’t make a difference to him. In fact, he doubted the others really cared to resolve the whole Druids vs Tieflings dispute in the midst of their tadpole predicament. But Tav rallied them just the right amount that none of them could ever say no to her.

The others genuinely valued her opinion, and often looked to her for guidance, whether they realized it or not. Being on Tav’s good side was the intelligent thing to do, Astarion had quickly gathered. She had vouched for him when the others recoiled at his true nature – most would have stabbed a stake through his heart for what he stupidly attempted to do that night. He needed her on his side. Astarion wasn’t sure what would end up happening after reaching Moonrise Towers, and he was ashamed to admit he didn’t want to go at it alone. He didn’t know how to be alone. The entire concept of solitude unsettled him.

The men and women he was accustomed to manipulating for Cazador crumbled before him with little effort. Seduction had been his modus operandi for over two centuries. Honeyed words and enticing caresses were second nature to Astarion, always serving as a sinister means to a grim end – delivering innocent victims into the clutches of Cazador for torture, death, or worse.

This was precisely what made Tav simultaneously so magnetic and so frustrating. She hadn't succumbed to his charms as expected. Astarion had even briefly entertained the possibility that maybe she just wasn’t interested in men, but that idea was dismissed when he overheard a late-night conversation between her and Lae’zel, who had made quite an aggressive advance – one she promptly rebuffed. So, what would it take to make her more receptive to his advances?

“Sulking will ruin your pretty face, Astarion.” Shadowheart’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “I thought you, of all people,  would know how to have a little fun tonight.”

He scoffed at her, dramatically eyeing her figure up and down. “If that were possible, then you would be the ugliest one here, my dear.” 

Shadowheart stared at him for a moment and then broke out into an uncharacteristic giggle. “We have a long road ahead – be happy that we are all still in one piece, and celebrate for just one night.  I know I am,” she said, waving a bottle of wine towards him. 

“Is that Marsember Blush?” Astarion narrowed his eyes, recognizing the fine vintage wine. “Where did you unearth that? I know that didn’t come from the tiefling’s sorry supplies.”

“You’re not the only one with sticky fingers,” Shadowheart replied, a sly smile on her lips. “And no, I’m not offering any to you. I already have someone to share it with.” With that, she made her way back to the fire near Karlach, who was engrossed in showing the tiefling children her burning Hellion heart. 

He scanned the area for Tav and he found her staring at Halsin with an adoring look. Astarion couldn’t help but feel envious that he wasn’t the recipient of the smile, so gentle that it betrayed the notorious reputation that followed dark elves. He frowned, thinking of Shadowheart's words – she was right. He would have a little fun tonight, and he would get Tav to adore him so thoroughly that she wouldn't ever entertain the thought of betraying him.

Astarion impatiently tapped his foot, waiting for Tav to approach him, but she continued on, disappearing around a corner and heading toward a waterfall beyond the camp. Deciding to follow, he snagged a bottle of wine from a passed-out bard and made his way to her. Astarion found her sitting against a boulder, her head tilted back as she gazed at the stars above.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Astarion said. “Done basking in the limelight, Tav? Got tired of having high praises sung to you?” 

She fiddled with the collar of the lovely dress that she wore for the occasion. “I needed a moment to myself. I don’t get them often lately.” Tav looked up at him, her slate gray skin glowing in the moonlight. Despite the mismatched eyes (thanks to her trusting Volo a little too much), she was beautiful, he noted, and he did have a fondness for beautiful things. Bedding her wouldn't be torture; it could have been worse.

“I’m glad I was able to help them, to show that we’re not all Lolth’s servants. It’s usually a little funny, but sometimes being looked at like a monster is tiring,” Tav confessed.

He blinked, taken aback by Tav’s unexpectedly sincere admission, wondering if he had picked a bad moment to approach her. However, she patted the ground next to her, inviting him to sit, and then she chuckled. "Sorry. Did I ruin the mood?"

Astarion settled down against the rock, bumping his shoulder against hers. Tav watched him intently as he worked on removing the corkscrew from the wine. When he tilted the bottle in her direction as an offer, she declined with a shake of her head, prompting Astarion to take a sip himself. He grimaced from the acrid taste. 

“Well, I never pictured myself as a hero. Never thought I’d be the one people would toast for saving so many lives. And now that I’m here…” he paused, taking another mouthful.  “I hate it. It’s awful.” 

“It’s not that bad. Think of all the nasty little goblins you got to kill.” 

“True…” Astarion smiled impishly, thinking fondly on the many different ways to murder. Regular arrows dipped in poison or set ablaze with fiery magic, the thrust of a dagger into vulnerable flesh. The memories were invigorating.

“That was fun," he mused. "Still, I would've liked more for my trouble than a pat on the head and vinegar for wine. All I want is a little excitement tonight, is that so much to ask? The good kind – not the 'we might turn into hideous mind flayers at any moment' excitement." He sighed dramatically and raised the bottle for another sip.

Suddenly, she swiped the bottle from him, and took a long swig. When she lowered the bottle, he watched as her face juggled through a few emotions, ultimately landing on disgust. “See what I mean? Awful.” 

“Absolutely dreadful," she remarked before bursting into laughter.

This close, her scent was intense, sending a thrill through his body. She had a distinct aroma, one that he could uniquely parse out from everyone else’s. Tav smelled of amber and spiced honey and pink pepper, even through the grime and chaos of their adventures.

“Well, you’ve heard the saying? Beggars can’t be choosers,” she slurred slightly, playfully hiding the bottle behind her back.  

“Look at you… my treat with her cheeks all flushed,” he tutted. Astarion peered into her eyes with practiced adoration. “I’m amazed you managed to keep your mind clear enough to fight. I’ve been thinking about our last night together ceaselessly, you know.” 

Astarion wasn’t lying. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking of the last time she visited his tent. 

He recalled vividly how she had melted under his teeth, the way her body went limp like a puppet cut from their strings. He had felt profoundly powerful, and she had tasted exquisite, nothing like the rats he had been forced to sustain himself on for centuries. An excitement he had never felt before coursed through his bones at the first droplet. Astarion told himself afterwards it was only because she was his first. He had hoped to have her then, to get the chase done with, as he could smell her arousal clear as day. She had obviously wanted more. And yet, she ran from him. Playing hard to get, he surmised.

“You could just ask for more blood,” Tav responded bitterly. “I knew the goblins weren’t for your refined palate.” The bottle was pushed back into his lap. “You don’t have to woo me with your—” She made a wild gesture with her hands. “—vampiric charms.”

He had hoped a wine-addled Tav would be easier to seduce. 

“Darling, you wound me.” Astarion put a hand to his heart dramatically.  “I saw you earlier, with Halsin. Well, everybody did. Subtlety is clearly not your forte. The way you looked at him had me positively green with envy. Well, I guess I can’t fault your taste, he is a fine specimen.” 

Tav’s ears flushed with embarrassment and she looked away, fixating intently at the fish nearby. They swam down the stream and it reminded Astarion of her, eager to get away from him. 

“That was nothing. Just laughter between friends,” she downplayed.

“Is it so hard to believe that hearing that brings me relief?” 

Another truth. She would be considerably easier to have if she wasn’t attached to someone else. 

"Is it so hard to believe…" He extended his hand to caress her cheek, his touch gentle and tender. “That I want you? That there’s not a single soul tonight, here or otherwise, who I’d rather be with.” When she met his gaze again, Astarion thought he might have caught his little fish by the hook after all.

“Such bewitching lies,” Tav marveled. “I almost believe them. Oh, you’re good.” 

“You don’t have to believe what I say, darling. You just need to believe how I feel .” 

He inched towards her, allowing the wine bottle to roll away from his lap and into the river. Astarion pressed a feather light kiss to her jaw, then her cheek. His fingers held her chin, guiding her to him. When their lips finally met, a sigh escaped her, and Astarion couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction as her mouth willingly parted to welcome him. Despite the foul wine, she tasted sweet. And he found that he didn’t mind it, not at all. 

Tav grew more enthusiastic, deepening the kiss. He used the opportunity to slip his tongue in,  and clamped his teeth onto her bottom lip, drawing the flesh into his mouth. She moaned, muffled against him. He had drawn blood. He broke the kiss to lap the blood from her lips, and he felt his cock twitch. A natural reaction for any vampire, he told himself. Blood was simply too exciting. 

Tav drew away from him, breathless, her lip bruised.  “Are you…hungry, Astarion?” she asked. 

Astarion considered her question. He could tell her yes. He could answer that he was always hungry, that he could drink and drink and there'd still be something missing, gnawing away in his chest. It was an insatiable yearning, an emptiness that no amount of blood would ever fill—a bleak hunger that defined his existence, a constant reminder of the curse that haunted him.

Or he could choose to play pretend instead. That would be easier to swallow.

He put on a mischievous smile. “In what way?” 

"Don’t be cheeky," she said, a blush gracing her cheeks as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I had a feeling you might be. It’s been some time... and you always seem so much stronger and happier when you've had your fill."

"And your point is?" Astarion asked, though he already had a sense where this was going. He just wanted to hear her say it.

“That I can help you. That you might as well continue to use me.” She winced at her phrasing. “I don’t have to be a vampire to understand that animals aren’t the same. I suppose if we come to an agreement about it, the others will have to mind their business. Just tell me when you need it. That is – if you want to, anyway.” 

His eyes darkened at the proposition. “How delightfully pragmatic of you,” he purred in response. 

Tav had given him a refreshing game of cat and mouse, but she succumbed to his beauty, just like everyone else before her. Astarion wished he could say he was surprised, but it’d be a lie. This was how it always worked. You want something, you need to give something. He would shut his brain off, bed her and give her a night of earth shattering pleasure; in return he was not only basically guaranteed protection from Cazador, but was also given a reliable source of blood. Two birds, one stone.

There was nothing else he needed to hear, so Astarion swiftly pulled her into his lap, a surprised squeak escaping her lips. “Hey–”  

He pressed a finger to her lips and kissed behind her ear, then her neck. Tav let out a sigh of defeat and leaned into him, resting her head against his shoulder. Astarion’s curled fingers traced at the healing puncture marks with admiration, thumbs pressing half-moons into her skin. He dragged the tip of a fang over her skin, slicing a neat line. Small beads of blood began to well up along the thin cut, and he closed his mouth over it and sank in. His third time, and yet it was just as exciting as the first – Astarion was well aware that anyone would be appetizing in contrast to his dismal vegetarian diet, but still wondered if others would be better, compared to her. 

If that was possible. He wasn’t sure at that moment. 

Astarion lost himself in an instant as he buried his senses in her neck, a haze of sensation enveloping him like an intoxicating fog. He had understood then Cazador's obsession—how could one not want to ensnare a person, to chain them in perpetual captivity, to render them an unwilling pet, when they tasted like this?

“Not too much,” Tav breathed heavily, her voice trembling. “I might –” She shuddered against him, and he groaned in response, but his hunger drove him forward. Astarion was starving, didn’t she understand? After two hundred years of shit, pure shit, he deserved something better. He was never going to return to the days of deprivation; he would do anything to ensure that pathetic version of himself was gone for good.

Tav’s fingers grasped around his curls, trying to pull him away from the shadow of her neck, but in her weakened state, it was no use. If anything, it spurred Astarion on. Euphoria clouded his judgement, eyes glazed over with sanguine lust as his fangs disappeared deeper into her tender flesh, blood bursting around him. He tugged at Tav’s hips, pressing her down against him, eliciting a whimper from her. His cock had swelled with arousal and Astarion tried to recall the last time he had gotten so hard of his own volition. He couldn’t.

You are still a slave, an unwelcome voice from the depths of his consciousness sneered. A slave to your innate desire. Why deny your true nature?

It took every ounce of willpower in his body to not drain her completely, to disregard the sinister suggestions. Astarion found the strength to pull away, his nose nuzzling against Tav’s jaw as he regained his composure.

"There's a clearing in the forest," he spoke with a steady voice, his fingers gently stroking her hair as she struggled to catch her breath. “I have been waiting to have you. Waiting since the moment I set eyes on you.” 

Tav snorted. “I don’t believe you.”

“Don’t you?” He looked at her with steeled eyes, masking the irritation that simmered in him. He kept the thorniness out of his tone. “I think you want to be known. To be tasted.” 

“And what do you want?”

Astarion’s voice hushed in a sensual murmur, the kind he found most weak willed people were prey to. “What do any of us want? Pleasure. Yours. Mine. Our collective ecstasy. That’s what you want, isn’t it? To lose yourself in me.” 

“You act like you know everything,” Tav replied, finally looking at him. Her expression was inscrutable, but the smell of desire radiating off her was unmistakable. 

“A pretty man and his prettier words.” She cupped his face, as if she were to lean in and kiss him. But she didn’t. “I’m tired. I hope I was able to help you.” 

Astarion watched dumbfounded as she pushed up from his cradle and his arms fell limp to his side. She rejected him again, he thought incredulously. He didn’t look away until she had turned and disappeared back into camp. Then he wiped the remaining blood off his face with his fingers, fully intending to savor what was left. But then something stole his attention—a motionless fish floating in the stream. Without thinking, he plunged his hands into the water to catch it. Astarion had it for a second, until it wriggled its way out and plopped back into the water, swimming away in a swirl of crimson.

** 

They had been venturing through the labyrinth of the Underdark for countless days. It was a quiet familiarity that Tav was thankful for, despite the fact that she had left for the world above many years ago. After everything that she’d gone through recently, she welcomed something that still made sense to her. She understood it  – tricky paths to avoid, what poisonous plants you shouldn’t go near, the right grounds to make camp on. Due to the nature of the journey she was on with her companions, however, she grew to anticipate unwelcome surprises. 

Still, it hadn’t made it any easier to accept that her cycle had started – Tav had completely forgotten all about amidst the chaos of their tadpole predicament. Drow females only bled every three months and their cycles were extremely heavy and painful. It hit her one day as they were on the trail towards Grymforge, crossing paths with Filro the Forgotten and his hook horrors. The man hadn’t even let her utter a greeting before he attempted to murder them.

“What happened to hello? How are you? My name is?” Gale had complained, jumping out of the way.

Tav was in the middle of casting a fire spell when she felt a heavy gush in her underwear. She stuttered, registering the feeling, and attempted the spell again. This time, her aim was off, narrowly missing the wizard and instead scorching the hair on the top of his head. 

"My friend, have you lost your mind?" Gale shouted at her. "We discussed the value of my own life at length! To kill me is counterproductive!"

Her hand went to her abdomen instinctively as the cramps lurched through her. “My bad,” she stammered.  She took a few steps back, watching Karlach charge ahead with a hammer to whack the vulture-like monstrosity just a hair's breadth away from the wizard’s face. 

"To be sure, I am also averse to being bludgeoned!" he yelled at Karlach. A dripping, acid-coated arrow flew overhead from behind him and pierced the Filro’s right eyeball. Gale threw his hands up in the air with exasperation and quickly teleported himself away to higher, safer ground, muttering something about the stars not being in his favor.

Lae’zel probed at Filro’s lifeless body with her foot. “The elf is dead,” she confirmed, sounding disappointed. 

Astarion stepped up beside Tav, tucking his arrows away. “Did one of those wretched creatures manage to swipe at you?” His tone displayed concern, but his face betrayed a hint of intrigue. 

Shadowheart whipped her head around at his question. “Are you hurt?” she asked, scanning Tav’s body for noticeable wounds. “I’ll tend to you when we’ve set up camp for the night.” 

“No!” Tav blustered, causing Shadowheart to raise her eyebrows in confusion. She quickly clarified: “I’m fine . Astarion is mistaken. I think you might do well to take a look at Gale, though. I may have caused a bald spot.”

In the hours that followed, Tav maintained her distance from Astarion – as he had made it abundantly clear that he could smell her – while they all continued their search for a spot to set up camp. Eventually, they stumbled on an area with access to freshwater, a true blessing. By this point, Tav was simply relieved to have her long cloak, otherwise the others would’ve known for sure that she was bleeding through her trousers like a youngling. She diligently set up her tent, choosing a spot far away from Astarion and close to the lake.

Astarion had not asked to feed on her since they left for the Underdark, and Tav had no intention of offering, especially considering the situation unfolding between her thighs.

Their interactions had remained normal as can be, largely because Tav had bigger matters to occupy her mind than pondering her feelings for him, as if she were a little girl with a crush. Time was a valuable commodity lately and she wouldn’t use her precious free moments dwelling on a man who almost certainly didn’t give her a second thought, unless it was to take something from her. Tav scolded herself every time she found herself looking at him too long or when she thought she saw something softer underneath the shield of malevolence he wore. It was all just a game to him, she told herself, like it was to most vampires. 

After everyone had gone to bed, Tav finally snuck out to wash her clothes at the lake and go for a dip in the water. She wasn’t a prude – she had bathed many times with the women, but sometimes she just desperately needed a moment to herself. Even for something as silly as scrubbing the stains of her cycle out from her pants. She finished cleaning up and made her way back to her tent, dismayed that her fresh cloth was already getting ruined. Tav nearly jumped out her skin when she walked into her bunk and saw Astarion lying nonchalantly on her bedroll. 

“Are you mad?” she hissed at him. “You’re lucky I’m not human, or I would’ve had half a mind to stab you in the darkness.” 

“We both know you wouldn’t have been quick enough to,” Astarion drawled, sitting up. “You sorcerers leave much to be desired when it comes to your hand-eye coordination.” 

They looked at each other for a beat, both listening for any stirring sounds from the others. 

“Why are you here?” Tav demanded.

Astarion replied with a sly grin. “I happen to recall a certain somebody making the generous offer that if I ever got hungry, I could come to them.” 

Tav’s fingers combed through her damp hair as she reflected back on an offer she did indeed make.

“I did say that, yes,” she admitted. “But we can’t tonight. Not until I–”

She halted, a painful cramp pulsing through her.

“…Until I’m done with my bleeding. I’ve lost too much already, I’ll be too weak for you to feed on and Gods know if you end up draining me, you’ll have to wake a very cranky Shadowheart up.” 

Tav opened her tent and held her arm out, signaling for him to get out. “We can revisit this in a few days. I’ll let you know when.” 

“Revisit? What, like we’re discussing tactical advances?” Astarion bristled with frustration as he stood up.

"My dear, I don't believe you grasp the... gravity of the situation. Your scent–“ He accused, his tone growing more intense. "–has been tormenting me for hours. It has taken every ounce of restraint in my being to resist the urge to drag you away from the others and drink until I’ve drowned in your blood. I am utterly and maddeningly ravenous.”

Her hand faltered from the tent flap, closing them in the obscurity of her tent again.

“It won’t have to hurt like usual.” His pupils dilated wildly as he inched closer. Astarion looked feral. “No biting required. I’d hate to waste precious resources.” 

Tav’s face paled when she realized what he was suggesting. She didn’t think she was comfortable with the idea, and yet a warmth started blooming through her.

“And it might provide a distraction from the pain in your belly,” he hummed, latching her tent shut. “I’d say this benefits the both of us.”

“Who’s the pragmatic one now?” Tav answered, her toes tingling. It was a very bad idea, she told herself, way too intimate for what she originally offered.

But when Astarion kneeled down, his fingers tracing slow, teasing patterns up her thighs before he pressed a gentle kiss against her abdomen, and whispered, "Please, darling," she made up her mind.

It was the sensible thing to do. In fact, she reasoned with herself, if she gave Astarion perfectly acceptable, readily available blood now, she wouldn't have to put herself through any more bites for a while. His intense gaze met hers as he looked up, his eyes filled with a potent mix of hunger and desire. His nails gently scraped against the back of her knees, willing her to answer him.

“Be quick about it,” she finally relented.

Astarion wasted no time. He turned her around and pushed her onto her bedroll, tugging at the waistband of her pants, shimmying them over her knees. He fingered at the sides of her underwear, leaning down to kiss the top of her navel.  Tav’s insides fluttered from the sensation of him peppering her from top to bottom. His nose pressed against the dampness of the fabric and she nearly blacked out of embarrassment from the deep inhale he took. 

“You smell intoxicating,” Astarion groaned. “Like the very essence of temptation.” He nearly ripped her bottoms off, throwing them to the ground thoughtlessly along with her soiled rag. His cold breath tickled against her. "It's like I'm a moth drawn to a burning flame. I didn't know it was possible for you to smell even more enticing," he said, genuine bewilderment coloring his tone.

“No need to provide commentary…” Tav mumbled, averting her gaze.

Astarion pushed her legs up over his shoulders, spreading her thighs apart to reveal her slick mound. She started to drip with arousal, a stark contrast to the inky blood that painted her folds. 

“Like honeyed fire, so rich and delicious it ensnared me. I felt it – tasted it – in my throat before I came anywhere near you.” 

He dipped the tips of his index and middle fingers to spread her apart, dragging his tongue in one icey, long lick. The chill, a shock to her core, made her twitch as he licked her agonizingly slow from clit to tailbone. He lapped around her inner thighs, nipping at the flesh, forcing a shiver up her spine. Astarion let out a noise when she involuntarily jerked her body against his face, thighs clenching around his head. He swirled his tongue all around, his nose grazing her nub. 

“Oh,” Tav moaned. Her eyes widened in alarm at the unapproved noise, as if it was an admission of weakness, but it only seemed to encourage him to tongue her faster. Biting down on her knuckle was the only way for Tav to suppress the noise that threatened to spill from her mouth as he ate her like a savage animal having its final meal. The sounds of him lapping up and down at her cunt was obscenely erotic, and she felt herself dripping another gush of blood and arousal into his mouth. He slid his tongue as far as he could inside her slit, attempting to clean her inner walls from the nonstop trickle of blood.  She felt his thumb move to her clit to stroke it in slow circles and another whine fell from her mouth. 

Why didn’t he just get his fill and leave? What was the point of toying with her? Tav needed Astarion to stop, she thought foggily. 

He slurped up as much as he could of her blood, then shifted his attention on her swollen clit. Her legs shook against him, threatening to drop, but he kept her up like she weighed nothing. Tav finally mustered up the courage to look down at Astarion, and he must’ve sensed it, as his blown out eyes met hers. She gasped at the sight, her slickness painting his face so beautifully her cunt practically purred in response. 

“Please.” 

Her desire and uncertainty tangled in that one word. She wasn’t sure what she was pleading for. For him to go? To continue?

Astarion responded with a muffled, guttural groan. Her heels dug into his shoulder blades, urging him on, while his lips locked around her clit with a hunger that left her gasping. He suckled her so desperately that his teeth brushed against her, causing her legs to unconsciously spread further, surrendering to the feeling. Tav didn’t know how long they stayed like that; with Astarion dragging his tongue through her slick folds, alternating between frenzied licks and focused suctions on her clit. Before she knew it, an intense orgasm washed over her, prompting a bite on her own fingers to stop her from keening.  She yelped when she broke skin and her fingers shot to his curls as her sex throbbed. But Astarion didn’t stop – he had gone back to tasting her in lazy, drawn out strokes. 

“It’s sinful,” he muttered against her flushed skin. “It's divine.”

Tav pulled at his hair, hoping he would come off from her, hoping he would leave then.  “You’ve not had your fill?” she croaked.

“I would lay here drinking from you all night until I fell asleep, if I had my way. ” 

She watched him lick the inner corners of her thighs, fangs grazing against her flesh, threatening to bite down. Astarion moved up, trailing kisses under her belly button, then maneuvered her legs around his hips. His hands slid up her sides, scrunching Tav’s top up to show just a hint of her breasts, nipples hardened against the sheer fabric. He pulled away, baring a sharp smile, hair disheveled, teeth smeared with her blood, then pressed his clothed cock against her.  “You can stop your little charade now.” 

Before Tav could reply, he caught her lips in a deep kiss, rutting against her in his strained pants. The comedown from her orgasm had caught her with dull inhibitions as she couldn’t help but return the kiss, tasting her fluids on her tongue, coppery and vaguely salty. Tav couldn’t say she shared his sentiment regarding her blood, but she didn’t pull away, brain spiked with his tongue in her mouth. 

“Let me love you,” Astarion whispered tenderly.

Tav suddenly jolted, breaking out of her spell. She pushed at his chest, her body straightening like a lance.  She seethed with frustration. “Get off.” 

He stiffened, pulling away to meet her glare. “Did I do something wrong, my sweet?” 

“Enough with the fucking pet names,” she practically spat. “You don’t owe me. You don’t have to pretend to want me. I didn’t lie when I said I wanted to help you, so don’t lie to me and recite sonnets and play pretend lover. ” 

He peeled himself from her, and for once, Astarion didn't respond with a quip or a sly remark.

“I… see. I didn't mean to upset you.” 

Her expression softened, though she couldn't help but feel that if Astarion had wanted to pursue it, he would make a great actor. But Tav didn’t want to put herself through a show, no matter how much she had wanted to watch it. 

Tav sighed, her throat feeling parched as she spoke. "It's alright," she murmured, avoiding his gaze while she reached for her pants. “You know, sometimes, people just want to help you. Because they care about you, and they don’t expect anything back.” 

“Everybody wants something.” Astarion remarked.

“You’re right,” Tav acknowledged quietly, nestling herself in her bedroll and turning over. “I want to get some sleep. Good night, Astarion.” 

** 

Halsin's warning about the Shadow Cursed Lands had been clear: it would be a wasteland where even the animals would be too ghoulish for Astarion to feed on.

So for the rest of their journey towards Gymforge and beyond, Astarion gorged himself on as many creatures as he could. Bats, cave goats, owls, giant lizards – everything was fair game. He even contemplated the bulette at one point, but it smelled awful. He drank from anything and everything that moved, all in an effort to stave off the need to ask Tav for her blood. He didn't want to risk upsetting her again. Astarion was still a wanted man, and as long as she tolerated him, he was safe from Cazador.

Though he was satiated on animal blood, it was like eating plain porridge multiple times a day—nourishment, yes, but completely devoid of pleasure. But that was fine; Astarion didn’t want to grow used to Tav, he was disturbed by the way his body reacted everytime he fed on her. 

After the last feeding, he left for his tent with an aching cock. He had tried to will it away, but Astarion had felt too drunk on delirious bloodlust. Back in his bed, he tugged at himself feverishly, in need of the release that was denied to him. Her smell, taste, body – everything, everything about Tav made him throb with desire. It was only logical, a primal urge, nothing more than that. He had, after all, succumbed to the pleasures of the flesh in the past, no matter how unwilling. 

He understood all too well that the body could respond even when the mind wasn't fully present.

And yet, Astarion remained restless at night. When they all retired to their beds, his mind inevitably turned to think of her. He couldn’t shake the memory of how she ran hot against his bone cold body, hugging him like a furnace. His longing for her went beyond the hunger for her blood, and that realization left him uneasy, causing him to distance himself even more from her. However, he stole glances at her from time to time. Sometimes it happened when they gathered around the campfire for supper, sharing plans and stories. Astarion was particularly drawn to her smile, so sweet that her eyes wrinkled at the corners. He couldn't ignore the knot that twisted in his stomach when he saw her smile for anyone else.

"What will everyone do when this is all over?" Tav asked on one of the rare evenings when everyone remained awake.

“Whatever Lady Shar calls for me to do,” Shadowheart answered with determination.

Lae’zel scoffed dismissively. “Chk. It’s a waste of time to ponder.” 

“Well, I miss my Tara terribly,” Gale confessed sadly. “First thing I do, I would like to see her immediately.”

Karlach leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands. “Aw man… at least you have someone to return to!” 

Wyll flashed a grin at her. "You could always join me, Karlach. We could be the Blades of the Frontiers together, dispensing justice across the land of Faerûn." He dramatically extended his arms to illustrate the vision. Karlach smiled in response. "I'll hold you to that, soldier."

"I'm afraid the grove needs a fresh start without me," Halsin admitted. "I have a feeling I'll be required elsewhere, though I'm not entirely certain where."

Tav flicked her eyes to Astarion and then looked away while she spoke. “I should hope that no matter where we end up, that we all see each other every once in a while.” She rubbed at her arms and then laughed. “Gods, I know I sound so sentimental. But I’ve grown to truly like you crazy fuckers. And it’s going to be really hard to relate to people after this.” 

“You can say that again,” Wyll agreed. 

Astarion hummed, raising his wine goblet with a flourish. "Don’t fret, my dear friends. I’ll host the most extravagant of parties each season in my grand, opulent palace, and you’ll all be my honored guests. I'll personally hunt you down if you fail to attend or neglect the dress code."

“Hear hear!” Karlach cheered. They clinked their glasses together and Astarion’s breath caught when he saw the corners of Tav’s lips curling up. She was smiling at him. And his cold, dead, unbeating heart felt like it had swelled up so large he thought it might burst out of his chest. 

Fuck, Astarion thought. 

** 

The Last Light Inn was a welcome respite for their weary bodies. Each of them had their own rooms with real beds, and they had all ran to claim their rooms. 

However, as usual, trouble had a knack for finding them. Barely an hour into their stay, they were attacked, though they did manage to defend the inn and its people. Tav sat down hours later on a barstool in the tavern, tossing a coin to a tiefling child who was doubling as the barkeep. The little one handed her a mug, only filled halfway, and she chuckled to herself.

"Guess I won't be drowning my sorrows tonight.” 

She took out her journal and went over her notes. There was so much to keep in mind, so much to go over. Tav scribbled away for an hour or two, and as the common area gradually emptied with everyone retiring to their rooms, she remained absorbed in her journal until a familiar voice broke the silence. “You’re up late.” Tav looked up, finding Astarion standing at the edge of the dimly lit hallway. It had been a while since they had been in the same vicinity as each other alone, and she couldn’t help but feel nervous at the sight of him. He made strides to move towards her, stopping only to stoop down and give His Majesty a little scratch behind its ears.

"Says you," she replied. "Though... well, vampires are nocturnal, aren't they?" 

"Well actually, I’ve grown to quite enjoy watching the sunrise." Astarion said as he grabbed a cup from behind the counter. “Can’t wait to get out of this wretched place. I’m afraid the real reason I’m still up is a bit more mundane—I'm feeling a bit on edge." 

He dipped the mug into a barrel of wine and raised an eyebrow at her disapproving look. "What? Free ale is the least we deserve for saving this sorry little inn from destruction." 

Tav couldn't argue with that. She scooted over on her stool to make room for Astarion, and he joined her without a word. Astarion drank and she wrote in her book and they didn’t say anything to each other; it was a comfortable silence, one they both needed. After a while, Tav couldn't stifle a yawn, her eyes bleary from exhaustion.

"If you yawn any more, I'm going to have to toss you into your room," Astarion remarked dryly, his fingers curled around his fourth glass of wine. "You should get some rest."

She looked at him and noticed his cheeks were gaunt. There was no luster to his appearance, and he appeared more tired than she felt on the inside, likely due to a lack of nourishment. Tav had been waiting for him to ask to feed ever since they stepped foot into these cursed lands, but he never sought her out. There were no animals out in these lands, and most of the people they killed were tainted. Unless one of the others felt like offering, he was short on fuel. Astarion was probably starving, and that’s why he was restless.

Maybe she had been too harsh with him. Tav had been the one to offer blood in the first place, and then she had to go and make things awkward with her outburst. A pang of guilt washed over her.

“You too,” Tav replied. “You honestly look a little awful.” He tensed at the comment and she hurried to add: “You’re hungry. When was the last time you ate?” 

With a subtle lick of his lips, Astarion brushed off her concern. “I'm perfectly fine. I'll feast on some True Souls once we reach Moonrise, and you'll see, I'll be right as rain.”

"You're obviously not fine, Astarion," Tav insisted. "I'm not a stranger. I know you."

His eyes searched hers like he was looking for something, a certain melancholy to them that she couldn’t parse out. Then the look vanished, replaced by an empty expression. 

“I don’t think you do.”

She almost believed a few times he cared for her, in his own way. But it was clear now that her original instinct had been correct: it really had been a game for him, and now Astarion was so bored of her, he’d rather starve. Tav knew that if she were smart, she would feel relieved that he no longer wanted to use her, that he had backed off. But all she felt was a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

**

Astarion still grieved for his past life, but any memories of family, lovers, or friends remained lost to him. At times, he preferred it that way. Ignorance, after all, had its virtues. Caring for others meant extending a piece of yourself to them, one you often couldn’t get back, and that was a risk he didn’t want to take. Not when he so desperately needed to care for himself. What was so bad about being selfish, he wondered. Astarion couldn't afford to put himself second, not after everything he had been through.

He had come into this world alone, suffered alone, and he would depart this earthly realm alone. 

The second night at the inn, Halsin had gone to find Thaniel, leaving the rest of them to defend his portal while they awaited his return. They hadn't expected the overwhelming forces drawn to destroy it. Wave after wave of undead assailants descended upon them, and they found themselves severely outnumbered.

Tav, determined to protect the portal, was casting a wall of stone when a wraith suddenly teleported and slashed at her, breaking her concentration. Her cry pierced the chaotic battle, and Astarion whipped around at the sound. She crumpled to the ground, clutching her stomach in agony.

"No, no, Tav! Get up, damn you!" Astarion shouted. Without hesitation, he lunged forward with his daggers and tore into the wraith until it dissipated into a shadow of smoke. 

"The portal—" Tav choked out, blood spluttering from her throat. He knelt down and pulled her up against him.

“Fuck the portal,” Astarion grit his teeth. “Shadowheart!” 

Shadowheart, engrossed in protecting Karlach and Lae'zel from cursed Harpers trying to break through, couldn't hear him. He yelled for Shadowheart again, but her attention remained focused on the women. Tav had made a promise to Halsin to keep the portal open, and the others were determined to honor that promise. Astarion cursed them all.

As he looked down at Tav, he saw her eyes dimming, her hand outstretched towards the portal. 

She mouthed, "Halsin."

The druid had come back with the child. 

Astarion would’ve turned back time and seen Halsin dead and the Shadow-Cursed lands forever damned if it meant that he would never again have to feel the fear that struck his heart when Tav went slack in his arms.

** 

“She’ll be alright,” Shadowheart assured, the back of her palm against Tav’s forehead, feeling for her temperature. “She just needs some rest.” 

Astarion had been pacing at the end of Tav's bed, unable to leave her side since their return to the inn. "How long?”

“Can’t say. Maybe a few hours.” Shadowheart put the rest of her scrolls and potions away into her bag. “She’s tougher than she looks, Astarion. Don’t worry too much.”

“I’m not worried,” Astarion huffed, fixing his face to a smooth nonchalance. “But… I’ll stay here with her. Just in case. You should get to bed. You know, vampire and all, we're creatures of the night and whatnot.” 

Shadowheart gave him a knowing look before she left.  “Let me know if she still feels poorly.” 

Astarion quietly pulled a chair closer to Tav's bedside, taking care not to stir her. As he sat there, he wondered what he would say when she woke up. He hadn't planned beyond his initial rush into her room. Hours passed, marked by the gentle rise and fall of her breathing and he never got up from his seat. The exhaustion of the day slowly overcame him and though he tried to fight it, Astarion drifted off into a trance.

Tav woke up after some time, groggy and disoriented. After she checked her body and found nothing out of place, she blinked a few times, surprised to find Astarion sitting nearby.

“No,” Astarion mumbled, his fingers gripping the armrest of his chair. “No. I'll never come back.” 

In his nightmares, Cazador taunted him — to his master, he was akin to a mere child who had simply gotten carried away with the infantile joys of freedom. His relentless pursuit haunted him through the forest, and no matter how far into the void Astarion ran, he could still hear him. Oh, how foolish of him to dream of a life that was his own — he would never escape. No matter how far he fled, Cazador would inevitably find him...

"Please, no, Master —" he cried out.

Tav reached her hand out to gently cover one of his. "Astarion," she said, her voice soft and soothing, despite her sore throat. 

His eyes fluttered open, the rims around them inflamed, beads of sweat glistening on his forehead. 

"Cazador," he sputtered, still caught in the grip of his night terrors. 

"You're safe. He's not here," she reassured him, trying to withdraw her hand, but he held it firmly. "You were having a bad dream."

Astarion nodded. “Yes.” His eyes closed as took a deep inhale, calming himself from the remnants of his nightmare. “I didn’t intend to wake you.” 

“No, no, it’s okay. I woke up on my own.” Tav replied, her expression equally laced with concern and suspicion. “Um. Is something wrong? What are you doing here?”

Astarion was quick with his answer. He didn’t want to tell her that, no, actually, he had gone sick with worry and had practically barked at everyone to clear the way as he rushed into the inn with her injured body. “Everything is fine. We just wanted to make sure you were alright. Everyone else is asleep right now.”

“I should’ve been more aware of my surroundings,” Tav frowned apologetically. “I didn’t mean to worry you all. But Halsin came back with Thaniel, didn’t he?” 

He scowled, recalling how his forehead vein nearly burst when Halsin confirmed that Thaniel was of no use until they located his missing half. "I could've strangled Halsin for taking as long as he did. All for some comatose child."

Her eyes bore into him. “I would’ve gone through the pain a thousand more times to help Halsin cure this land. You can’t blame him for anything.” 

Tav was light and goodness and hope and everything Astarion was not and he wanted to throttle her and tell her that this miserable, revolting world didn’t deserve her. 

“I can, and I will. But thankfully, you’re okay. No need for anyone’s head to roll.”

“Ugh. You are so dramatic,” she laughed, her hand splaying under him. His finger rubbed a circle on the back of her palm. Then she paused, and they stared at each other, and Astarion almost shrank from the intensity of her gaze. “I appreciate you watching over me. I’m good, really. I can take it from here. You can go now.” 

“If that’s what you want,” he replied. 

”I…” She hesitated, her eyes shifting slowly between his, searching for something in them. "What do you want?"

Tav had asked Astarion this question once before, and he had delivered his answer, every word rehearsed and refined countless times with various people.

“I’m not entirely sure,” he confessed. His eyebrows furrowed as he pushed himself to continue. "I… want to free myself from my constant thoughts of you.”

An unfamiliar tightness gripped his throat. Astarion had always thought of her softness as a horrible weakness, but now, with Tav before him, he understood that to be soft was a terribly difficult thing to do.

“I want…” he continued, voice barely above a whisper. “... to kiss you.” 

Tav echoed his previous response. 

"Well, if that's what you want."

He was careful, the way he rose to caress her cheek, and agonizingly slow as her lips parted and his cold thumb brushed against them. Astarion closed the gap and pressed a kiss on her, so gentle he thought he only imagined doing it. He tilted her head up, the kiss deepening with a swift graduation of intensity that made Tav cling to him as if he were the only solid thing in her dizzying world. 

This was different, Astarion marveled — this felt like undeniable need.

“I can’t summon up any clever words,” Astarion breathed against her lips. “Just that I want you.” 

“Then shut up for once and have me.” She twined her arms around his neck and his tongue glided past her lips to taste her, eliciting a sound from her that redirected all the blood in Astarion’s body in a sweet rush. Every movement of her lips sent a jolt through his body, fanning the blaze that was shared back and forth between them. 

How maddening was it, that one second Astarion was afraid to falter, and the next she reduced him to desperation.

He devoured her with tongue and teeth, pushing her back into the mattress, only stopping when it felt like they would die from lack of oxygen. Astarion broke away from her embrace, peeled his shirt off and hurled it to the ground, then tugged at her pants; she clumsily arched herself up to help him strip her clothes off. Next was her top, then her underwear; his eyes swept over her, committing every detail and every curve to memory. 

“You, my little dove, truly are a vision.”

Tav laughed with embarrassment, but her laughter dissolved into a moan as Astarion's lips met hers. She kissed him like she was untangling him, and he kissed her like he wanted to own her from the inside out. Then she gasped, the sound shooting straight to his cock. “I’ve wanted you. Everytime. But I was scared.”

He groaned and released her from his mouth, then captured her lips in his again. Astarion had never wanted so hopelessly to see someone come undone under him. 

“I know darling. I’m always right,” he chuckled against her lips, the arrogance hiding the relief he felt. She tsked at him and his fingers gently wrapped over her throat, as the other hand thumbed at her lips. “I’m jealous of your neck,” he mused. “It gets to hold your lovely head up, when it could be my hands instead.” 

It was sickening, Astarion thought, how unbelievably, excruciatingly hard he was, and he had barely even touched her. Tav watched him curiously, her eyes raking over his body with lust.  “I want to taste you,” she pleaded breathlessly. “Let me.” 

“Not tonight,” he said simply, wanting nothing more than to see her pretty lips wrap around his cock and to see her struggle for air. But he’d be lying if the simple act of denying her didn’t turn him on. Astarion prodded at her lips with his fingers, knocking at her teeth, slipping two into her mouth. “You can work for that.” 

She opened her mouth without further complaint.  He pressed down on her tongue and she sucked as he slowly twisted his fingers around. Astarion lowered a trail of kisses down her face, peppering her jaw, neck, collarbones, the dip between her breasts. Then, he took his spit slicked fingers out with a plop, saliva trailing out from her lips, before moving down to spread open her wet folds. Tav was dripping with arousal, eyes fluttering in anticipation of pleasure, and Astarion thought he’d like to keep her like this forever. He pinched at her clit then rubbed firm and slow; her hips twitched against him, silently asking for him to go faster, harder, anything, to make her cum. 

But Astarion wasn’t going to let her, he had never intended to let her cum – at least not yet, it was too soon, not when he wanted to unravel her more.

“Get on your knees for me, darling.”

Tav had no choice but to roll over and prop herself up on her elbows. She looked back at him, her eyes glassy with frustration. He could barely hold himself together to whisper sweet nothings into her back, something that had been so vile to do before and so easy to do now. Astarion ached to have her: anywhere, in every position, in every possible way, to mark her and make it so that everyone would know that Tav was his to have. 

He tried to shake away the obsessive thought but it burned through him so deeply that it nearly pushed Astarion to rage. His kisses dragged lower and lower until his hands squeezed at the undersides of her ass. Astarion spread her thighs apart and opened her up like ripe fruit with his thumbs, watching her drool drip down her folds. He lapped his tongue up from her glistening folds to her rim and Tav’s knees buckled under the sensation.   

Astarion wasn’t just eating her out, he was tonguefucking her; he delved deeper, groaning against her as she pushed back into his face and her musk clouded his mind. The taste of her constant, dripping wetness was intoxicating, second only to her life-giving blood. It threatened to drown Astarion, like a violent wave crashing at the shore of his senses. 

He snaked in and out of her puckered hole, back to her cunt, everything growing slick and sloppy and sensitive, wet sounds mixing with moans spilling from both of them. The contrast of the cold of his tongue and the hotness of her cunt was exquisite, and he thought Tav deserved the gift of his fingers again. His index and middle fingers slid through to part the lips of her sticky cunt, then disappeared, quickly thrusting in and out of her. 

“I need–” She made a strangled sound before she buried her face into her pillow, not wanting to make any more noise should the rooms next door hear.  Then, she nearly sobbed at the sudden loss of his lips against her, though his fingers were still deep at her base. He reached forward to tug at her hair abruptly, bringing her head up from the bed. 

“You need what?” Astarion feigned ignorance, not slowing down the pace of his fingers fucking in and out of her. Tav reached down with her hand to press against her clit, grinding her palm flat against her pubic bone. She humped against her hand and back into his fingers, again and again until he released her hair and snatched her hand and held it against her back as he buried a third finger into her cunt. 

“Fuck, Astarion.” 

The way Tav cried out his name made Astarion want to drag this out, to deny her the way she had done to him for so many weeks. Until she was a sobbing, pleading, pathetic mess. He pressed a wet kiss against her cunt and barely held back a wicked smile when she shook as his fingers curled, pulling and pushing in her.

“Sorry pet, I can’t hear you.” 

“Fucking...“ Tav grit her teeth, her temper rising when she realized he was playing with her. “All this time you've been accosting me and now you want to tease?"

"Little known fact about me, I'm actually hard of hearing in one ear," he lied, pushing a fourth finger into her squelching cunt. Tav pushed her face into the pillow and groaned in frustration, before picking her head back up, choking out the words.

"Astarion, I need you to fuck me." 

“Oh,” he replied, like the answer hadn’t been so obvious. “All you had to do was use your words.”

He withdrew his fingers from her. Tav strained her head to see him tugging his pants down, cock springing out, beautiful and veiny, precum leaking and turned on to the point of agony. Astarion gave himself one firm stroke from root to tip and back. She bumped against him, but he pushed her back down and dragged the tip through her cunt. 

“So wet.” He slid the head between her slick folds, rubbing up to her clit, and back down. Again and again, each time dipping closer to where she needed him most in a torturously unhurried pace. “You’re always so wet for me, aren’t you, my sweet?” 

She moaned an agreement into the bed and ground herself against him, hard enough that Astarion felt relief all around his painfully erect cock. It was truly difficult to stop himself from fucking her deep into the mattress, but the novelty of how much he enjoyed seeing her squirm under him was too new, too enthralling.

“Looks like you enjoy the pet names after all.” 

“Astarion,” Tav cried, rutting desperately on his cock. She looked like she would either break down in tears or hit him. He thought he would enjoy either option. 

Astarion flipped her over on her back and summoned the best of his self control to kick off his pants. Then he kissed her deeply and pushed in, slowly, stretching her out; mesmerized by the needy look on her face and the way her lips parted in a gasp. He wanted to savor this, to paint a picture in his mind to look back on in case it never happened again, but it only lasted a few seconds before Tav wrapped her legs around his waist, willing more of him into her. 

“Tav,” Astarion stuttered, grabbing hold of her hips roughly. “Cheeky little pup — so desperate.”

He slowly dragged out of her until only the tip of his cock was left, holding her legs apart so he could admire the view of her taking the entirety of his length as he pushed back in leisurely. 

“Astarion, fuck me, please, I can’t breathe until you do.” 

Would he ever tire of his name being used like a prayer? Astarion growled in response, pulling and burying himself at the hilt of her cunt. Then he fucked her faster - the pace brutal and unrelenting - and her walls clenched so tight around him that it hurt, a smooth and velvety pain along his cock. When Tav’s eyes rolled back he freed a hand to grab her throat, forcing her to look at him.

“I would tear myself open limb from limb if you could only see the mess you’ve made of me,” he panted. 

Tav choked around his fingers, unable to reply, eyes wide in disbelief; Astarion released her throat to grip the back of her thighs and pin her knees to her chest with bruising strength. He lost himself, he didn’t stop moving, didn’t let up. Fucking her felt both sacred and like sacrilege, like being eviscerated by divine rapture, like something he simply didn’t deserve. He would have chained himself down at her altar and would've ripped through his own ribcage with his bare hands to offer his lungs as sacrifice if that's what she demanded. 

“Yes, it’s so good, Astarion—” Tav babbled incoherently under him, her breasts jiggling with each thrust. “You’re so good. So fucking good.” 

Astarion lurched forward with a groan and buried his face into her juncture between her neck and shoulder, inhaling sharply as his nose nudged at her fading wound. It was wholly unnatural to resist biting her, but he did. He wasn’t good, he had probably never been good in any lifetime. But he wanted to be – would try to be – if that’s what she wanted. Astarion fucked her to the ragged rhythm of his name, hard and deep and devastating, hissing everytime her walls flexed and gripped around him. 

“Bite me,” Tav begged, her arms sliding around him, one slipping into his hair and the other clawing at the scarred skin of his back. “You don’t have to ask. Never.” 

Astarion wavered, but only for a second. His teeth dragged over her skin like the point of a knife and she leaned into it, the pounding of her heart echoing in Astarion’s ears. Tav let out a needy pant of encouragement when he sank in, nothing careful or gentle about his bite. Hot pulsing blood rushed into his mouth; it poured into every vein in his body, exploding everywhere at once.

Tav thrashed under him, threading her fingers through his curls and holding him in place.  He drank and sucked until the skin underneath him spurted so much blood that it spilled out past the corners of his mouth, drenching their chests as they rocked against each other. He dragged a finger through the rain of blood and when it was coated he smeared it on her swollen clit, working frenzied, clumsy circles on it. His arm grew tense with the speed and intensity of it but he didn’t stop. Tav’s sopping wet cunt sucked him in messily in the silence and a dark satisfaction curled through Astarion’s gut, knowing that it was impossible to not hear them throughout the inn.

“You’ll be my undoing,” he told her, less of a statement and more of a promise. Astarion kissed her through the film of blood that coated the inside of his mouth, wet and metallic and sweet. He groaned when she licked the taste of her off his lips and he fucked into her like an animal, spurred on by the cries she tried and failed to stifle. When Tav came, she clamped down so blindingly tight on Astarion’s cock that an orgasm ripped from his body forcefully, shooting through him and spilling into her as deeply as her cunt would allow. 

**

"You'll stay here?" Tav's words were a barely audible request, masked as a question. The persistent voice that had carved out an unwelcome home in his brain urged him to get up and leave. But Tav curled around him like it was the most natural thing in the world, and he couldn’t find the strength to listen. 

Maybe she would ruin him. Maybe they’d consume each other. Maybe he’d wake up in the morning and pretend tonight never happened. Or maybe some things just burned brighter in the wake of destruction. Astarion was drawn to the fire now, even if it meant risking his wings. 

Astarion pressed a gentle kiss to her damp forehead and drew her closer to his chest. Tav hummed a satisfied sigh, the heat from her body radiating and wrapping him like the thickest blanket in the dead of winter. In that fleeting moment, he wondered if there was a way to bottle her warmth and tuck it away for his loneliest hours.

He chose to settle for a simple truth.

“Yes.” 

[capslocked]

KINKVEMBER DAY: 8

[prompt: phone sex]

male reader x shin ryujin

16k words

The phone rings one too many times, and Ryujin is in the middle of scrunching up the paper slip that Chaeryeong handed her earlier that afternoon when she hears your voice.

The sounds of her scrambling for the receiver and her head smacking against the headboard come through in pretty good quality.

That never gets old.

"Stimulating conversations," you offer smoothly, like it isn't a euphemism and instead some high-brow intellectual pursuit. "How can I help you?"

Ryujin is speechless for an unbearable five, ten seconds until she lets out the kind of low chuckle that probably sounds better than it looks. "Hi," she says, "hello, I, uh- I don't know how all of this works."

"Why don't we start with who you're looking to speak with tonight?" you ask.

Ryujin sighs. She runs a hand through her hair, looking at the messy tangle of clothes on her bedroom floor with mild resentment. She’ll take her chances, figuring a direct approach is the best route when she doesn't really know where any of the lines get drawn or who is allowed to say what and who isn't.

"Um. Okay. Who you got?"

"We have a large variety of operators to suit any taste," you explain kindly. She appreciates that. "Do you have someone specific in mind? A gender perhaps, to start?"

"Well," Ryujin starts, running her tongue along the edges of her teeth. Lia has this thing she constantly says, that there's always a thousand and one reasons not to do something, and Ryujin is the first person to make fun of her for it - but here she is, finally putting that adage to use.

"I was actually calling to, um," she exhales loudly. "A guy? I mean look - girls. Girls are great, but if you - mmm." She clears her throat. Because she knows how she wants to do this, and it's most definitely: "A man."

You wait for a second before replying, and Ryujin allows the stillness to expand over and fill out every corner of her bedroom before a bright, "Alrighty, well," comes filtering out her phone, tinny but as enticing as ever. "That would be me."

"Oh."

"Yeah," you reply, easy and unhurried. You sound exactly like the kind of person whose company people pay handsomely to be around; the professionalism is undeniable, but there's something to be said for your tone. The softness to the vowels, the almost imperceptible upward lilt to the words - Ryujin gets that, maybe.

You're pretty confident in the answer, but you ask anyway, "have you ever done anything like this?"

Ryujin opens her mouth and hesitates for a brief moment.

"Well," she muses. She's tried porn, she's tried her own fantasies, she's tried cranking up the hot water and touching herself with the head of the shower aimed somewhere she's told by other girls: it's there, free of charge. "I haven't."

"But you have a boyfriend," you state. "You have a man, who you enjoy things with?"

Ryujin laughs nervously. "It's...it's been a little while. Not recently. Sorry. I know you don't-"

"No, no, not at all, you're doing fine, it's just that you sound very attractive over the phone. Excuse the assumption."

Ryujin laughs and rakes her fingers through her fringe. She knows it's a line, but she laughs anyway. She could - if she was looking for the deranged fulfillment of it - pore through a billion comments on instagram, on twitter that call her a lot of things: gorgeous, beautiful, hot. The last comment she read before almost deleting her app entirely was someone who decided to textually imitate a dog barking to a picture Yeji had taken of her in a coffee shop. There's a novelty, she thinks, in being charmed by someone who has no idea who she is.

"You have good ears then," she says, smirking into the receiver. "So do you normally do, what, ask questions? I have no idea."

"Yeah, it helps me build a profile," you reply, "but if you had something else in mind-"

"No, please, shoot." She grabs the pillow from behind her back and flops against the mattress, staring up into the ceiling fan.

"Do you feel comfortable sharing your age with me?"

"Twenty," she answers without missing a beat, even though that isn't right. It's weirdly important to her, keeping it private, and she isn't sure why - but then you say something pleasant and complimentary about college and new experiences that she's unable to register, and you ask her for her name so quick she just blurts it out:

"Ryujin."

"Pretty."

"Fuck," Ryujin grins, immediately chewing on her knuckle to bite back a gasp. "Sorry. The name is cute or, whatever. Whatever. Sorry for the curse. God, I don't really have a filter - what about you? Do you have a name, Mr. Operator?"

"I do."

Ryujin lifts a leg up and puts it down again. She doesn't know if she should already have taken off her pajamas or if that's weird. Or if the fact that it doesn't bother her means this is more or less wholesome. She turns over onto her stomach, humming into the phone and now she doesn't know why she's thinking about your face. You could be- well, fuck, you could be anyone, but there's this gnawing compulsion to put something together.

You tell her your name and she scoffs for a second, before quieting down and returning you a, "pretty."

"Ryujin, tell me." There's probably a slightly too long pause from your end of the line before you get on with asking her, "when was your last orgasm?"

She drops the phone right in her face. It bounces off the bridge of her nose before landing in bedsheets beside her and her eyes are welling with tears while she scrambles blindly across her bed, cursing into the receiver and squirming. She pulls the phone to her ear and catches the last couple seconds of you reassuring her that it's okay, that it's completely fine if she's hung up or gone.

"Actually, I have," and she curls her fingers into a fist, "never came in my whole life."

You clear your throat to keep a less than professional sound from coming out. A quiet space she feels necessary to fill: “Not even once.”

"Really?"

"I know. And I've only recently realized that's, uh - er- a pretty un-normal thing." Ryujin makes a waving motion with her hand even though you can't see it, trailing off into silence and blushing furiously. "Sorry," she apologizes. She doesn't know what she’s apologizing for, but she does it again. "Sorry about that."

"I should be the one feeling sorry for you," you rib.

"Fucking tell me about it."

"Hey, this reminds me, would you be averse to the idea of touching yourself?"

The question stutters Ryujin in her tracks, and she doesn't even say no but a drawn-out "nngh" leaks out before she can stumble into something more intelligible. "Isn't that, like, what you're supposed to do on these calls?"

"Every call is different, Ryujin."

She chews on her lower lip, rolling it under her front teeth. You say her name like you know her, and it's throwing her for a loop. The comfort you have with the whole situation - asking her a million questions and not demanding answers, taking cues and reassurances in stride and turning everything into some sort of ploy for getting her naked. Fuck, she'll take a bit of a plunge:

"Should I be touching myself?"

"It's not my place to say."

"Okay, well that's kind of a frustrating answer."

"So you're saying you like being told what to do," you tell her, and you hear the sharp inhale in reply.

"If I knew what I liked, you think I'd be calling a sex hotline and hoping some stranger might take pity on me?"

You laugh out loud, and her response is the quickest, the cutest little, "seriously!" before she chuckles too.

"Ryujin?" you ask.

"Yeah?"

"Are you straight?"

She nearly chokes - because it's like you're able to just read her mind - and if you can do that then there's nothing you can't do, maybe. And here, excitement feels a lot like apprehension. She twists and curls in on herself, thighs rubbing together, the flat of her hand traveling across her stomach.

"I'm-"

"Because no one should have to pretend that they're interested in guys," you interrupt her and, god, for as much time as she's spent dwelling on that, she wishes it were that simple. 

It would be a hell of a lot easier if she knew why she wanted to get her face between Yeji's thighs and drag her tongue all over her clit until that prettier-than-perfect face of hers cinches up in a pleasure that comes with just the right amount of agony - or if she knew why she didn't feel anything like remorse or guilt or envy when her boyfriend came around instead of wanting, you know, to get on her knees with her mouth around his cock too -

Fuck, it's all very complicated.

"Straight," she answers. She likes cock, as much as anyone realistically can, and she knows the body on a man can get her dripping and easy in all the right ways. So, she just swallows. Says, "straight enough."

"If you were to touch yourself, right now, and someone - say, a man - were telling you exactly what to do: what would spring to mind, if anything."

"Mmm. Is this you asking me to touch myself?"

"Again. That's up to you."

Your voice is light. Very pleasant. Very male, Ryujin realizes. She gulps.

"Can you, I mean," she says, running a hand down the length of her thigh, pressing down at the hollow.

"Ryujin,” you say, letting her mull over how it sounds in your mouth. “Take a breath for me, please."

Her exhale leaves her with a heavy push and she tries not to laugh. Nervous tic. She's getting goosebumps, but she feels warmer than before.

"We could say this isn't the first time, you and me, in some very broad and abstract sense. How does that make you feel?"

"Strange." She touches her outer thighs again and arches her back. "Kind of horny," she admits. And it is odd - your words, the things you say - and maybe it's her nerves because the experience is new, and so are you, and so are her feelings, all wrapped in one.

"Do you want to do something about that?"

There's silence between you for what seems like a very long time, your breathing quiet but apparent - a signal you haven't abandoned her in some state of vulnerability. Ryujin inhales deeply. She's shaking in her fingertips. The tension has her taut and waiting, and that's funny, really, because it's what she's been doing for years. The rubbing. The touching.

Her hips rock forward gently and she answers the unasked question with a sweetly husked, "uh-huh."

"What are you wearing?"

"Ah, really?" Ryujin laughs. Her fingers pause at her waistline. "That old, bad porn trope."

"I like hearing about people's clothes, is all," you excuse yourself lightly. "Helps me get a sense of things."

"Yeah, alright. Sweats. Baggy ones." Her lips fall apart. "Shirt."

"Is that all? Nothing sexy."

"What's sexy?"

"Sexy is…"

She listens to you mull it over, listening for a ruffling or two. "For a girl with a nice body - some body - some curves," you continue, and Ryujin has to drop another finger to the hot line of her thigh, her lower belly. "You need lace. Silk. You've gotta leave the best bits a little hidden, at least for a while longer."

"Wow. You sound a hell of a lot like you'd enjoy taking someone's pants off," she half-teases. "Do you make all your calls like this? One sordid fantasy at a time, huh?"

"Something like that," you reply. And then, as if reading her mind, "are you doing anything, right now?"

"I'm touching myself," she exhales. "Are you?"

"Ryujin, not yet. Please be patient."

She makes a face even though you can't see it or taunt her. That's an unfair request - you have an unfair request.

"Just, wait," you tell her. She's drawing lazy, winding circles across her thigh. "Let me show you something, will you do that for me?"

"But, what."

"Tell me everything. All the things you're thinking. Things you want to do."

"Everything?"

"Yes."

She blinks away her initial disbelief and reaches around for her lamp to switch it off. Until it's just the hallway light peeking in through the crack between her door and the door jamb and you, a stranger who won't be seeing her face or hearing her say anything stupid. She shakes out a few more breaths, shuffles against the sheets, and glides her fingertips past her belly button.

Her hand rises up her stomach in one decisive movement, until her fingers curl beneath the bottoms of her bra, trapped in its underwire. "I'm thinking - unh - about, ah. My friend?"

You're quiet and let the silence linger, until she seems like she might not find her way; so you repeat, "Go ahead."

"And a guy she used to like, fuck, she'd show up here, drunk on, ah. A weeknight. Somewhere, fuck, around midnight. Walk past me into the kitchen where we had the - the light. God." Her hips stutter and she grits out the rest through her teeth. "In the refrigerator. Ah, yeah, a midnight snack. Always looked way too fucking good for, um, oh, for a casual booty-call."

"Does your friend have a name?"

"Yuna," she practically pants, and immediately realizes she shouldn't have said that either.

"Did you always know what was going on? Between Yuna and her-"

"Boy-toy, yes - it was so obvious, I always knew, yeah," she said, clumsily grabbing the sheets with one hand as she drifts further between the peaks. "Just - fuck - he'd be picking at, ah, something with chopsticks."

"In your kitchen?"

"My, uh, table. And I'd be working up the nerve to ask."

You sigh over the phone, "ask him what?"

"What it was, like, I knew she was only- shit." She keens high in her throat. "What it was like, fucking taking that cock of his, and bending Yuna's tight little, ah, ass over and, mm, railing her on the side of her fucking bed - and just pumping her full of cum just like that until- Jesus, she would walk around after and sometimes-"

You groan softly. This encouraging little sound.

"-fuck - sorry, I mean. Yeah, he, sometimes he'd make her walk around with his, ah, stuff inside. Down her fucking pants and, it's like, fucking disgusting, I swear-"

"And?" You breathe a heavy edged noise over the line.

Actually okay, so maybe this was more than she bargained for, maybe she bit off more than she can chew - maybe, she feels like her insides are collapsing; all the fire pooling around in her stomach and gathering into a melting sort of weightlessness.

"And it makes me feel fucking-"

"Fucking what."

"Why am I talking about this, why-"

"Talking to me? Fucking wet, Ryujin, answer the question."

She pants down at her phone and then turns her face into her forearm, rubbing and making sounds. She thinks about, oh, fucking Yuna and how she showed up to hang out once, with cum leaking down the crease of her inner thigh, smearing against her skin and down between her legs.

"Wet." She swallows. "How do I-"

"Say that you wish it was you," you tell her. "That you wanted that, to be fucked. To feel a cock inside."

Her head falls back. "That," she manages, "fucking, that."

You drawl so that the question might roll off, easy: "Is that the kind of girl you are? Told not to curse, not supposed to let anyone else play with you - you just need it, don't you? Do you need someone's cum? Just tell me."

"I think so, ah," and she stops moving her hand. "I think I'm gonna go now. This is fucking embarrassing, like. Okay, sorry."

"Don't hang up," you tell her, and the soft edge to it is one she really wants to indulge. "Don't," you repeat, a little louder.

You start talking, about the same sorts of things she's imagined herself: the sex and the sounds and what he can do to her. You build a slow and aching heat between her thighs that has her dripping through her underwear and grinding against her fingers. Telling her how she's the one that needs to be filled, needs a man who can wrap her legs around his waist, get to the deepest parts of her, the parts untouched and willing.

Ryujin gets that - she wonders, half out of it and stroking faster than she usually would be, how much of it has anything to do with who the voice is on the other end of the receiver, and how it could be what a desperate, pathetic, tired part of her has always wanted.

"Are you?" she asks, panting over the phone.

"Am I what?" you whisper back to her.

"Are you," and you hear how she inhales sharply through her nose, a desperate gasp leaving her lips on the exhale, "going to, um. Are you touching yourself right now?"

Your reply is immediate, and her eyes flutter and close the second you tell her exactly what she wants to hear:

"God, yes."

She drags her hand up the center of her body, runs her fingertips over her jaw and presses the heel of her wrist to her neck to feel her pulse slamming hard.

"I'm fucking throbbing, Ryujin; you sound gorgeous like this, like nothing I've ever heard, I'm stroking my cock just picturing you, please-"

"Tell me." She's mouthing into the center of her palm, saying the words, tasting salt and musk. "Fuck, ah," she babbles, "tell me what you would do with me."

"I'd get you on your knees," you tell her without hesitating for a beat.

"Fuck."

"I'd come up behind you and tell you not to be scared, baby. I wouldn't hurt you, I'd just touch you real gentle. Push my fingers past your tongue, slide a little down your throat."

"Uh huh," she moans, her head falling back and rolling, rocking against the mattress.

"Want you sucking on my fingers. Need your hands around my cock, or better, my balls, play with them. You're going to take those fingers - every finger I got, all five, yeah?- all ten of them," you joke, "and open up your tight cunt - like you are now, like such a good fucking girl-"

The girl fucking yelps. Just this honest sound of depravity; it's what she's paying you for. It's a silly line of bullshit, but it makes her bite hard and ache a little around her own knuckles and moan in her palm and dig her nails hard into her flesh. Her thumb fumbles across the top edge of her underwear and you pant again into her ear as if on cue, giving her a small bit of guidance that has her jolting in pleasure. She didn't know that was there, fuck, fuck-

"Like that, Ryujin. Breathe," and she does.

"Please," she whines, trying to find somewhere for her arm to settle, resting finally in her hair - setting the phone to speaker in a foolish moment of lapsed-judgment, just before it nearly clatters off the side of her bed.

Keep going - she's telling you over and over - keep going, and you’re picturing her there: eyes closed, legs spread wide, bent knees quivering and toes curling into the sheets. It doesn’t sound fake - you've heard a million of them, you've learned them in their different tones and accents and you can spot a faker a mile away. And the girl on the phone right now isn't pretending or thinking about whatever's happening somewhere else.

(You don't join in for everyone. You can't. It's an asinine consideration that you'd be rubbing your fist up and down your cock while it's sore and wanting - aching from the neglect or lack of rhythm. You have to remind yourself it's just a job, that the logistics just can't support such selflessness.

But then there's the very fucking premise.

That the girl on the other end of the line is inches from the goalposts, fingering her cunt and sighing into the throes of her first orgasm - first ever, because you did this, you brought her this far - you're the fucking culprit, and no matter how many girls, or boys-pretending-to-be-girls, how many people have gotten off with the help of your voice, your instruction, this one sets a different fucking precedent.

You're not lying when you say, "I'm rock fucking hard, Ryujin," or "there's precum all over my knuckles, baby."

Because there is, and the poor thing chokes out another desperate sound when you tell her.)

"I'm right there, ah, fuck, keep going-"

"I've got my hand around my shaft, just enough that I can fuck it, can't I? The head is getting slick - baby - and my palm is gliding nice and easy. Are you cumming, Ryujin? You better be, you better be cumming right now."

There's a heaving gasp and she calls out for you, babbling curses and "please" and "fuck" in alternating succession, with enough punctuation for you to have to let your lip slip under the hard bite of your front teeth. "Don't stop," she tells you, voice thready.

"You need this so bad."

"Yes," she gasps. "How would you-"

"How would I fuck you?" you finish her thought.

She waits a moment, sucking in shallow breaths and then replying weakly, "I really like... I like doggy."

"On your knees?"

"Yeah," she stammers, "I like when, like- ah, like, pulling my hair."

"Fuck, I love that," you say into her mewling. "Splayed out with your tits against a pillow and getting your pretty, little pussy pounded? I bet that'd feel so good, huh? Hands so rough on your hips, on your throat, squeezing your neck so you'll turn pink. Just to see you smile, I'd probably fucking let you take whatever you want."

You're met with a broken moan, a long string of syllables ending on a note that has your shoulders clenching and cock jumping in your grip.

Tense over the things you can't see: Ryujin biting down into the side of her hand, the other knocking painfully against the wooden side rail on her mattress, her thighs tightening and screaming and clamping around her wrist as she pulls weaker, wilder whimpers out of her chest each time her fingers drag across her slit and the sensitive curve of her swollen clit. She's dying, she thinks, she's going to fucking die - the in and out of her soaked pussy, through all that sticky, satiny skin, slick fingers diving in, twisting until there's nowhere for them to go.

No other recourse than to fuck in, fuck, fuck, like that, fucking god.

There's heavy silence on the line for god knows how long - well, you have to check the log. But for her, it feels like fucking forever. That was - that was it. It's so fucking mind-wracking how good it was, she can't quite wrap her brain around it. Nowhere near. She thinks she'll have a better idea after two rounds, definitely by four. She'll buy something, use the discount, go shopping - an orgasm just to make sure she's not bullshitting herself.

You clear your throat.

She moves sluggishly, away from the side and against the headboard - the heat still unbearably oppressive, her t-shirt clinging and sticking. "That," she stumbles through the afterglow.

"Do I need to apologize to you?" you ask lightly.

"What? Oh god, no - no way. No way. I just."

"Yes?"

"Like I didn't know it was this-"

"Did you just cum, Ryujin?"

She's laying there with the phone pressed to her brow. A hand palmed over her own racing pulse. The faint smell of her own cunt lingering around her face.

"I don't know," she tells you, and promptly hangs up.

-

The darkness in Ryujin's bedroom is punctuated only by the faint, hazy light streaming in from the hall, and her bedroom fan making its creaking little circles, as she waits in her post-nut-high for her breathing to normalize. Her mind is buzzing, and out of all this, she has a hell of a bill and a couple conclusions:

She's a coward and a pervert, but definitely, definitely bisexual.

Or, like. She's in some weird gray area between not liking whenever anyone buys her drinks, but also the girls at least let her dance a little close. That's a strange thing, isn't it? For how often her mouth does stupid shit - you think at least someone would figure it out for her.

But you, oh fuck. You-

She's fucking shaken up, for sure.

-

(It's a home office set-up, actually.

Your desk isn't organized; you're sure the photos on the wall are askew and the paint looks slightly worse for wear if you were to turn the lights on - which you never really do. There's an aging lamp tucked into the back corner, a bottle of scotch next to your handset that's closer to halfway empty than halfway full, and you can't stop imagining it.

Promise, This never happens.

You've got the name stuck to the roof of your mouth even though you know it's fake. Stuck with something so painfully abstract. Imagining this girl that is probably as brash and bawdy as her voice, or more exciting than either - maybe her hair is long enough to brush along her breasts. Or maybe it hangs just over her shoulders. God knows just how that would frame her features.

You can see it, really. You pump a handful of coconut oil into your palm and the details solidify so easily in your head: her pretty mouth, nose, the dimples in her cheeks - eyes glazed and sultry and gazing at you.

Smelling sweet, all the places you need, skin hot, clit swollen-

Just- fuck. Fuck.

Ryujin, huh, imagine that.

Ryujin.

And you jerk off right into the soft embrace of a tissue.)

-

A little more than a week later:

Ryujin's all wrapped up on the couch, with an arm cushioning her head and watching TV when there's a sudden commotion from the front door. Yuna - her friend, her very nice, very male friend who never shows up after midnight unless there's a promise of sex - comes bumbling into the room.

He has no regard for boundaries.

So,

Yuna starts to say, smug, from where the hallway becomes the living room, "Ryujin - look at us. Stuck on a Friday night. You gotta boyfriend or something?"

She's completely unfazed by this interaction. She's pretty sure he has his own key, so like, he should be used to it by now too.

"Kind of." She shuts off the TV to turn her attention towards the topic at hand. "Why?"

Yuna runs a hand through all her long, silky hair and gestures her cock-du-jour on over to the door of her room. "Waiting for a call, maybe." She waggles her eyebrows. "Are you any good, I mean, you never seem to..."

Annoying brat. 

Ryujin smacks the back of her neck and interrupts, "you gonna fuck him? Go ahead and fuck him, Yuna." She checks the lock. The kitchen. Gets up and tries to ignore the heat flaring behind her ears.

"We could pretend," Yuna muses, tugging the waistband of Ryujin's shorts around her fingers before she's out of arm's reach. The elastic flips back into her waist with a dull snap.

"Dumb idea. That's a dumb, dumb idea," she reasons, because she knows Yuna has no self control. None, and it's showing; the second her shoulders sag forward and her eyes dart, craving, Ryujin steps back in. "Don't be stupid."

Yuna's lips are tilted, playful. Ryujin wants to smack that look right off her face. Like she fucking deserves any kind of victory just because she found out she can fuck anyone she wants while lacking the self-awareness to somehow be contented with anyone. She's not going to call her a slut - out of a matter of principle - but god, does she fucking want to.

"Gotta get ready, is what you should do," Ryujin mumbles under her breath.

"Fine." Yuna shrugs and pecks an annoying kiss to Ryujin's temple on her way to the shower, waving a hand over her head with a casual, "If you want something, you've only got a half-hour."

Ryujin pushes her hair out of her face and does what she does best: overanalyze and overthink the situation.

Whatever. Yuna won't give it up regardless, not in any way she'd actually be able to enjoy. Her cheeks go a little redder while she pretends to not be considering it.

God, a threesome in total functional harmony however: her working her mouth on Yeji (Ryujin doesn't know why she's thinking about Yeji, but she is), Yeji working her mouth on her boyfriend, her boyfriend working his mouth on her -

That'd be something, she thinks. Like one of those Escher diagrams, but one where everyone cums at the end.

The thought makes Ryujin wet enough to squeeze her thighs together and stand up a little straighter.

Then she hears the showerhead turn on, and she wonders just why, exactly, Yuna is such a spoiled asshole.

-

Turns out,

The universe just has this habit of providing Ryujin with what she wants right alongside everything she doesn't.

She’s stretched out in her sweats, sat up at the top of her bed again and touching herself beneath the sheet in a pointless attempt to contain the mess. Fucking horny - it's honestly unbelievable - and her left hand's making lecherous, slick noises until it's absolutely gross. Until Ryujin's gasping and panting and sweating from the nape of her neck and the back of her knees.

All because Yuna's the loudest little-fucking-whore of a roommate anyone has ever heard.

She's moaning like she's getting fucking plowed into the next life. And apparently, the cock she's got in her cunt is fucking huge if those little murmuring whimpers are anything to go on. She keeps begging the guy, coy, for a kiss while she's probably folded up like a lawn chair in there, getting railed, and the fact that the boy keeps obliging is as admirable as it is kind of insulting.

"Goddamn," she thinks out loud, because the walls are paper-fucking-thin. The apartments in the area are built in an earthquake-safe way, which in reality, means they can either withstand a magnitude 6.0 and come out without any severe structural damages - or that it's so cheaply constructed the building will go down like a matchbox house before it stands a chance against a tremor of any significance.

They're easier to replace that way she’s told. And Ryujin's apartment is definitely of the latter; she can hear everything.

The skin on skin, their bodies sliding together in the slippery sheets. Her mouth smacking wet around his tongue as he bucks forward and asks her to do a hundred filthy things, asking her where it feels best - that sort of thing, which gets her wound and agitated and frustrated, and fucking horny as fuck. Ryujin's bent-inward and panting when he really gets to work - the creaks and groans, their mingled pants and the constant thudding and swaying of the headboard smacking into the wall.

She doesn't even need to put her ear to the partition like she's sixteen years old all over again, hoping to catch her old brother going at it while her mom was out. Trying to figure out this whole sex thing - what all the fuss was about.

Just the way Ryujin sighs is nothing short of despondent. Slightly pitiful.

And every tight circle she's running over clit feels so fucking good, until she realizes the room goes real quiet for a bit. The stillness - no slapping, no movement, just wet, panted-breaths and muffled speech. She nearly asks aloud what's wrong - but she hears it: Yuna's hushed but totally undeniable,

"Been so long- don't, don't- hold up," she croons in these high, sing-song little huffs. "That - uhn, ah - that's my - that's my good spot, there, keep - yes, harder!"

Ryujin slams her eyes closed, dropping down onto the mattress and wishing she'd slipped her hands into her sweats sooner. Fuck. And as Yuna's back starts banging against the wall - so rhythmic and fucking thorough - Ryujin can feel the heat curling behind the backs of her knees, radiating along her calf and reaching into the smalls of her feet. Fuck. Fuck, she doesn't even get to watch.

Right there. So good, please, so fucking good, is what Ryujin can’t not hear coming right through the drywall.

She’s three knuckles deep in her pussy, all stretched out, and she's practically drooling - "spread me, baby. Hold the, fuck, spread my lips open. See me- unh. Ah - see me? Please, do it-" - the boy groaning about it as he fucks her, and then, Yuna, needling him with a quiet, breathy, "harder, can't you?"

The answer seems to make Yuna squirm and scream.

And Ryujin's nearly rolling - rocking, fucking humping her own fingers because it's starting to ache a little, a cramping in her wrist and arm and jaw that she's trying really hard to ignore, rubbing and fingering and fucking herself closer, the heels of her feet sinking hard against the sheets, throbbing and aching around the flicks of her knuckles, harder, faster - faster -

"Fucking hell-" she seethes and stops moving all at once - because god, Yuna is un-fucking-believable.

The absolute bitch, she's doing it again: squealing and cursing and calling his name into her orgasm and just basking, it sounds like, right in it. Because she always does this, every single fucking time, she acts like it's the best feeling in the fucking world and she fucking loves everything, and that shit just - Ryujin grits her teeth and grimaces and pulls her slick fingers from her body - that just ruins it.

All that build-up and for what?

Fuck, Yuna really has the nerve to go there too. She's talking about sucking her own damn cunt or some bullshit-

Yeah, it's not fucking fair, Ryujin concedes.

Or maybe she's being punished. She could live with that, but god. The unfairness of it all. She tries, for a half a minute, to let her throbbing stop being a goddamn nuisance. But the noises coming from the other room are making her crankier, more angry, more irate - and definitely hornier than she ever really intended, even though she knows Yuna is thoroughly distracted in there.

Ryujin sits up a little straighter. Squares her shoulders, steadies herself and fishes around in her pockets with her uncoordinated, cum-coated hands until she finds her wallet, a credit card, her cell -

And there's an aching, a sore pulse of neglect between her legs; that's all too much. A quick peek down confirms that, yep, she's practically dripped right out of her shorts and even gotten a dark spot in the front of them. How great is that.

Yuna is over there, all, "thank you - ah - can you please do me a favor and fuck my mouth with your big, big, huge, fucking cock-" and this guy, he sounds so patient, telling her how he wants to do exactly that, but he wants to fill her tiny pussy up first, fuck her here, fuck her there, fuck a baby right into her. Wants to get his cum all over her face, smear her mouth and her throat and her cheeks - 

Ryujin inhales through her nose and holds, eyes falling closed in something between misery and anguish.

He's telling her, yeah, of course he'll fill up her throat - give her so much it's leaking out of her fucking nose - and Yuna sounds like she's moaning and garbling an objection to that last part - but it doesn't actually fucking matter.

"Geez," is Ryujin's quiet, little gasped-out response. He just fucking pounds her right back into place; her next orgasm. Fuck-

And there it is: the slew of moans that start back up and just keep on keeping on.

Shin Ryujin is going to lose her fucking mind.

-

Ryujin only lasts a handful more days before she calls again.

It’s another Wednesday night, if only to increase the odds that you’re working. Yeah, she could go with another guy, but another guy might not do everything you did, talking quietly and calmly - so composed while Ryujin was losing some part of her sanity to the thumb she pressed on her clit. 

No, it has to be you.

That's what Ryujin makes herself say when the operator apologizes and explains you're busy.

"Will he be working much longer? Please, I, um-"

"If you give me your number," the operator tells her, "I can add him as a preferred associate. You'll get him next time instead of going to the line."

Ryujin pauses, finger held to her chin. Will he know that? There's all this implication isn't there, that maybe he won't. Maybe you're popular - are you? It's a lot like texting someone for the very first time. And if you did - know, she means - would she be acting like a stalker? It would feel weird, probably, but no worse than some people do it already.

Oh god, this is kind of fucked up.

Maybe a little. Maybe.

Ryujin pauses, finger to her chin. Will he know that? There's all this implication, isn't there, or maybe he won't. Maybe you're popular - are you? It's a lot like texting someone you like-like for the very first time. And if you did - know, she means - would she be acting like a stalker? It would feel weird, probably, but no worse than some of things other people are undoubtedly doing with this service, Ryujin decides, and rattles off the digits so fast the operator asks for clarification.

"If your schedule doesn't open," the line says, "call back and leave a message with when."

Ryujin shrugs and says, "yeah, okay."

-

You make Ryujin sit through forty-five-fucking minutes of on-hold music - this barely audible synthetic noise that signals a connection is still there, truly a genre for no one - all before she just cuts the fucking line and lays down on the couch.

Okay.

Okay, fine.

Whatever.

-

(You are… going through the motions.

Some girl on the other line is barely holding it together; you can hear her thighs making slick noises. God. She sounds desperate, she's holding the phone all tight and saying your name. She's fucking babbling; it's not attractive, not while you're tilted back as far as your office chair will go and staring up in the ceiling.

You're bored, mostly.

"Please, please, I'm-"

"Going to cum, I know, princess." She asked you to call her that. "Mouth all open? Can't help it? Just need to lick it nice and fast?"

The answer comes all choppy: "I can't, ah, a-ah-nymore, no, I, can't, need-"

"Do you have any idea? How hard I'm fucking stroking my cock right now? Sitting right in my lap. Jerking it right for you," you say, and then she makes an embarrassingly wet noise, gasping through a choked whine, "so I'm ready to give you what you really fucking need."

"Yes," she chokes. "There - um, please, I just-"

"The biggest fucking load," you tell her. She has no idea, really, that you've got one hand on the receiver, the other just pinching the bridge of your nose - neither of which are you jerking the cum out of your cock and balls like a fucking hydrant as you’d described. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, and you keep your face turned to the side as she starts screaming. As it starts running into one noise that lasts forever - so unbearable that, this time, you consider going out to the bathroom to grab a glass of water and a handful of painkillers. "Need it deep. Let me pour it in, yeah?"

"Yes," she gasps again, heard on this distant frequency because, yes, yes, you've plugged your ear with a finger.

"That'll satisfy you. C'mon, now, princess - give it right up," you tell her, but your eyes are a little dull when her moan turns out all-gagging and twitchy and spasming through it, until finally:

"Ugh."

You wait a moment for the gasping and hitching to finish.

"Good girl," is your distant reply, followed by a polite, perfunctory, "call back anytime.")

-

Ryujin feels like she's in grade eleven again as she stares at her phone. Boys. Drama. Girls. The drama.

The overanalyzing, the wondering, the hesitating. Fuck. She wishes she knew a way to change this, because she doesn't feel particularly mature and is somehow reduced to this girl, this idiot sitting here all embarrassed and staring and moping about a thousand different calamities at once.

She's looking right at the lock screen: the wallpaper of her and Yeji and Chaeryeong out getting coffee on a random Sunday, all bundled up. Winter. Like three, four years ago, maybe.

Ryujin looks like shit, it's funny.

But Yeji -

How she can make the winter pallor look good is beyond Ryujin's understanding. It's unfair. All the things are. Her brain is back and forth and spinning, spinning like the hands on the old clock hung up on the wall in the kitchen. So stuck on what's not quite normal. Stuck on what doesn't fucking matter - who even fucking cares who the fuck she's attracted to?

She feels it between her legs.

Has been for like a month, or longer, without an outlet. Without anything to give her the hint that maybe she can get back to it - the right it.

She doesn't need to call, she tells herself. She's not some weirdo who's sitting on this for days just in the hopes that her boyfriend is having a bad week with work or whatever. It's only Wednesday, technically. Still way early. Just another few days, she reasons, another few hours - what does it matter?

Wednesday. She can feel the word settle inside of her.

Though only once her bottom lip is chewed to hell, does she pick up her phone and decide she will.

-

(You're in your bedroom this time around, finishing up your own weekday workout - on the bike, fifteen-second sprints - when your phone goes off. A simple dinging. Very unassuming.

The operator comes in with a cool, level, "line two, callback."

Then there's nothing but silence for a few beats.

You towel some of the sweat off your face. It's warm - your skin, flushed. Bouncing your phone in your palm. The same feeling that's been tugging at your throat for the past two weeks starts to flare and swell.

Not quite a hope, not quite expectation: just something close.

"Are they still there?"

The operator confirms. "Shall I put them through?")

-

Ryujin fumbles in her own rush of bravado, hands pressing against the fronts of her thighs in an unflattering, nervous little gesture as the connection clicks and picks up.

"This is him," comes your voice, a little husky and raspy from all the day-to-day talk, but even and easygoing and maybe - just maybe - something she can hang on to. Ryujin gives an acknowledging "Mmmn," like the phone call isn't causing her major inner-turmoil.

"Right, ah." You sound kind of, dare she say, nervous yourself. You clear your throat into the line and ask, "what brings you here, stranger?"

Ryujin pauses at this; the red in her ears reaches her fucking jaw. Stranger. Jesus christ, okay, okay-

She laughs. Stops immediately at how self-conscious she sounds. Clears her throat and tucks some of her hair back - settles herself into it like her life hangs in the balance. "I'm here to get my rocks off."

"It's not usually my place to say," you begin in earnest, "but if you're anything like me, and this is gonna sound completely off-the-cusp, but those two weeks really seem to build up, don't they?"

God.

She pulls her sock off her ankle. There's eczema on her heel, and it's the kind of thing she can imagine Yeji telling her to not scratch - that she's going to fuck up her skin. It's funny the stupid fucking things she can remember and all the things she forgets. Like just now, with your voice in her ear, a little unsure in a way that says you've got other, much more important things you should be doing. But you're here with her.

With Ryujin.

God. She might hate herself a little.

"Um," is how she finds her bearings. "Actually."

"It's a joke. Not that- I mean." She hears some rustling - assumes it's coming through the ear piece. There's an abrupt slamming on her side of the line and it seems like the worst kind of deja-fucking-vu. Her neighbors. She forgets it's even this late into the evening. That other people don't have to work so hard in their free-time.

"Maybe this isn't a good night," she says, not so much as thinking the words.

"What?" you ask. Then it dawns on you. "No, no. If you're there, I'm here." You clear your throat. "Besides, there's nobody I'd rather hear from than a woman so desperate she's signed onto my frequent flier's club."

She stops chewing the insides of her cheeks long enough to give you a tired, irritated sound. "Whatever."

And you nearly choke trying not to laugh.

"I don't, um-"

"What, do I have a nice voice?" You laugh quietly.

Under normal circumstances, that wry edge, the bit of try-hard-humor would have her rolling her fucking eyes clean out of their sockets. So when instead she opens her mouth and a fatal-fucked-flirty-feminine, stop, comes out, the vowel pulled long like a plea or a request - well, Ryujin's forehead drops against her bedspread in immediate regret.

You seem startled by it too, going quiet for a second.

"I-I'm-"

"Cute," you decide.

Her ears are red-hot and her cheeks have to be pinking and god, she hates this. That she's hearing this so soon, and it's making her brain hazy and soft and stuttering through, um's and yeah, well, um's. A part of her can't believe she's paying for this, and then, at the same time, she can't believe she's not actually putting cash down for more right this second.

Because it feels -

Like maybe -

Her shoulders rise. She wants this to be quick; she hates this feeling of embarrassment creeping its way in and grabbing onto her with both hands, like this weird, pseudo-affection. She's a grown fucking woman and here she is, letting all her guard down for someone she doesn't even fucking know.

You can feel the tension, hear it. Your lips purse. You try for something easy.

"Go on and give me the details, Ryujin."

Before you'd even picked up, she'd already half-undone her shirt, the flaps of the collar hanging loose with her hands gently petting her ribcage - so easily giving and pliant that there's a good portion of her, in spite of the doubt, in spite of what seems completely illogical about all this, that has her realizing maybe she wants this more than she can possibly understand.

God, she feels like a fucking fool.

"It's pretty boring."

"Not to me. I've spent the last few weeks talking to a bunch of assholes who don't appreciate what they got in the first place," you reply. She imagines you're a little playful about it. Wonders, momentarily, how good that smirk looks - if your eyebrows are lifting like you've been teasing her since day one. Fuck. 

“Your operator is a total asshole too, by the way."

"Don't say that," is Ryujin's shy reply, practically moaned out. "You sound like someone I'd absolutely fucking hate, jesus, stop that."

"Just because you don't get on with someone, doesn't mean they can't get you off."

"Smooth, or something."

"I'm taking a break, relaxing a little, enjoying an overrated TV show or whatever this is - not really minding my business," you say, but your smile is so audible it's fucking offensive. And she's - she's maybe, definitely into that. Like the fucking embarrassment in this is turning her on. Ryujin puts the tip of her finger in the waist of her shorts, experimentally, gently, this small brush and press to her sensitive lower stomach. And it's true. All she hears is her own breathing in the receiver, a bit labored over the slightest, least indecent touch. It's amazing, how much her body can want even when her head can't seem to catch up.

"What do you like?" she asks. “You’re a person, working bits and all, something’s gotta get you all worked up and flustered, no?”

"Will you believe me if I tell you this is my absolute favorite?"

"Do you always dodge the question?"

"It's just like a courtesy," you clarify, "it's not personal."

"Now I sound like a desperate pervert."

"On the contrary," is your warm, buttery reply, and it is fucking aggravating just how well this works on her. "I think there are much better things people can say about you."

God, that - the thought, the possibility of something about her that has nothing to do with how 'thick' or 'thin' her thighs are, or the silhouette of her ass in safety shorts, or how her voice makes guys want to ask if they can take her home and fuck the answers from her, or any of that; it's kind of liberating, just a tiny bit. That it can be a good thing for some reason. God.

Ryujin rubs herself. "Yeah, well."

She wants it all the same and says nothing, shifting a little until her hips tilt slightly upwards, letting her pull at the drawstring of her shorts, loosening the grip. She's already kind of feeling woozy in all the best ways, soft and feminine in how she slides her hand underneath her shorts. Over panties first, with no clear idea if you can tell and honestly, too distracted to wonder about that, if she should care or not, too caught up with her fingertips over the raised seam in her underwear - where the fabric's wet from her.

A shush comes into the line when Ryujin swallows.

The ache between her legs grows louder.

"You still there, Ryujin?"

"Of course," and then, she finds a little more reassured finality: "fuck, yeah, fuck. Please, I..."

"Ryujin," you say with all the calm and control in the world, "talk to me."

-

(So - truthfully, honestly, factually - you are a total wreck.

You're sitting there in a heap of bedsheets and a cold sweat when Ryujin finally mutters into the silence, "thanks, for that, I, uh- that felt really good, exactly what I needed," and hangs up before you can ask about her day or comment on the weather or suggest calling back tomorrow.

She is just perfect, the way she lets a small "I..." slip when she's close. Perfect, how she groans her little broken, satisfied sigh of a yes, her last, fleeting exhale just a sweet, high, barely there please, her body tensing with every little shudder and moan and pant. How the pace goes fast and then slow - like she's gotta think it out a second, her own fingers bringing her closer and closer until there's nothing but a flurry of movement and ragged breaths - an enthusiastic little mmph noise - followed by Ryujin's wet and slick little laugh that sounds like relief.

Like you did something to help, like she needed you and wanted you.

There's cum sticking all up your torso and along your wrist, the inside of your thigh - everywhere you could manage, frankly - and, shit, it's not fair, you realize:

She can find you, whenever she needs you.

And you -

You're just sitting here. Nowhere near sure she'll even call again.)

-

There's a sizable difference between being lonely and being alone, Ryujin thinks, running the cloth under the stream of the shower and then pressing it damp against her throat, wiping at the backs of her knees.

Lonely means that something's missing - it's something she feels when she catches a glance at the handsome arm reached around Chaeryeong's waist, the way she dances so close to someone she just met, or whenever she tells her that she's thinking about, maybe, probably, definitely, absolutely going home with him if her friends don't stop her from leaving. God, her smile is always so cute when he's near. When someone's calling her over for drinks - hips sashaying like she doesn't know the whole bar is staring at the creases where her thighs flare into her ass - because he gave her a look from across the room, and she's swaying from drink to drink.

Like, of course, they're fucking; it's a known, unsaid thing.

She knows it, he knows it. Chaeryeong fucking owns it.

Alone however, is just what it says on the tin.

That's something else Ryujin has yet to learn - that everyone loves differently, cares for different things. Yuna is still single after all, and she can never shake the feeling that it's simply to spite her for some perceived slight or another; Yuna can't live without company, no matter how brief or short or meaningless, so perhaps it's better she never catches on or finds anyone worth keeping around.

And Yeji?

Ryujin sighs, rakes the comb through her wet hair.

The showerhead is running hot between Ryujin's fingers, and the water coming off of her skin turns to steam instantly, filling the bathroom with a permanent cloud, stuck in flux - rising towards the ceiling. She passes her fingers under it, watches the flow, a quiet hm escaping the back of her throat - and she considers the way it feels beating against her throat and chest.

Down the concave curve of her stomach. How it burns red right over her thighs. The pressure slips and sinks low, lower - and when she puts a palm out for a little stability, her left leg can't help but buckle just so, lifting itself out and off to the side. So she stands, toes pointing against the shower floor, face first into her arm against the cool tile.

Ryujin sees where the rivulets of water have gathered above her clavicle - feels them trail down over the tightness in her breasts and between. A couple images pass through her mind at once - thoughts of fingers trailing a line back up the center of her body and a gentle tap against her chin, turning her face to some perfect all-consuming kiss - a hand squeezing at her calf, rubbing her muscles gently - Yeji smiling into the crook of her neck, the grasp on her hip, wrist flexing. Her back bowed and fingers, broad and experienced -

"Don't need you," Ryujin quietly says to nobody, which -

You're doing so well, Ryujin hears back in her imagination, you're so beautiful, you can keep this up, I know you can. I bet it feels good, doesn't it? Just let go and I'll...

Ryujin whimpers out. She can feel that line deep inside her going taut, buckling in her core, the reverberations down to her wrists and fingertips and toes. If she didn't have the wall in front of her, she knows she'd be on her knees - kneeling to the hot water pulsing around the knots of nerves right behind her clit. The pressure hitting her like the crack of a whip.

"Fuck me," she says to no one, gasping in that way you only can when no one is listening.

Yeji's smile is what's gotten her this close so many times, the smell of the ends of her hair tickling Ryujin's nose. Hell, she can't stop thinking about the way her nose crinkles or her dimples flare just when she finds Ryujin's name in her mouth.

It's not fair.

She's so close to cumming and letting whatever happens happen. The slick of her release pouring right out into the drain of the shower, washed away with the excess. So when her whole hand shifts and catches in just the right, delicious, frustrating way, Ryujin inhales so deep through the end of the sentence that, as a result, her knees wobble.

She feels like fucking crying.

It's that sweet little lilt in Yeji's voice, saying things like: "It's alright. I promise you can keep this up a little longer." And "Oh, god, baby." And, at worst, the way her voice shakes with a "come here, honey. Let me-"

Ryujin has to catch herself when her footing slips a little from under her. Then, your voice, coming in distant at first, grows louder, clearer. Into something catastrophic, right against her throat, like it knows the very inside-and-out of her, "go on. Fuck, please, cum all over me, baby - show me a face no one else gets to see."

And for the first time,

Ryujin gets herself off. Alone.

She moans and sighs out. Gasps, "there you go-" and whispers an, "ah, jesus." She manages the most silent, the least decipherable, fuck, as it leaves her mouth like a prayer. Her left knee twitches, body curling into itself, and her hand moves - fingers closing and her eyes clenched shut, a wave, cresting - she just-

Collapses.

Wanting: Yeji, sure - and she came - but the only thing she can really wrap her head around is the truth that she's so, utterly fucked.

-

"Are you sure there's no one you can bring?" Yeji asks in the middle of slapping the ever-loving shit out of a coffee maker that has, for as far as anyone can remember, never worked.

"Uh," is Ryujin's inconvenienced reaction, the tips of her fingers idly sorting through her credit card statements, which a more-sober, less-horny version of herself is a little out of sorts over. "I'm not sure there's anyone I'd want to bring."

"Uh huh," Yeji replies.

She pauses and rests the bottom edge of the coffee maker on the edge of the kitchen counter, stopping herself mid-smack - leaning away to try and give the stupid thing a once-over.

"Who the hell says it's got to be someone you wanna make babies with? Maybe it's just someone you'd think would look good beside you, smiling at the cameras with. Or."

"Or."

Yeji's lips tilt. "Or someone you wouldn't mind screwing in the bathroom."

Ryujin spins the pen in her fingers and gives Yeji a look that says back off and can you chill out already, in the sort of way it takes years to ferment - the silent understandings, the good-natured naggings, the good-fucking-luck-with-that-buddy's. Yeji knows she's getting on Ryujin's nerves. Knows that has never stopped her before.

"In my defense," Yeji clarifies, "I can count at least a hundred people that would crawl over broken glass to sleep with you and, uh-" She knocks the coffee maker off of its stand and holds it gingerly to her chest like some child, motherly. "-I don't wanna take a bullet for your unintentional chastity, Shin Ryujin."

"First of all, don’t pretend you’re doing me a favor here," she replies. "Second-"

"Can't hurt just asking, right? I could set you up, you know, someone you've never even met - no pre-burnt bridges to maneuver."

There’s a world, and Ryujin imagines it for all of a second, where she stands up and grabs hold of Yeji by her cute little ponytail - if nothing else, just to stop the way it bounces every time she steps - and maybe, she also kisses her on the mouth so hard she stumbles. Or perhaps she could pull that ribbon free of its holdings and unravel it down against Yeji's jaw. Pull a whimper, a tiny little ah that says this was inevitable. Maybe they crash onto her bed. Maybe she gets her fingers sticky with how soaked through the cotton of Yeji's shorts have gotten in those short, heated moments - what a world that would be.

"One of what's-his-name's friends? I’m assuming."

Yeji looks annoyed and proud and beautiful; all at once.

"Yes, and what's-his-name's pillow talk is exceedingly whiny about how my best friend is so incredibly standoffish and abrasive and-"

"Okay. I'll go." Anything to stop the image of Yeji with the comforter pulled up to her tits and hair splayed all over the place; red and flushed. Her lips curling with the curve of the sheets and god -

"Just for an hour?" Ryujin asks.

Yeji finally places the coffee maker back onto its stand.

"I mean, nothing much happens an hour into a birthday party," Yeji reassures. "It'll be fun."

"Uh-huh."

"Trust me."

Ryujin wonders just how far Yeji could go - if she knows that she can snap her fingers together, and Ryujin will be there: ready to do anything.

-

Ryujin is trying to go to sleep, is how she'll explain it if anyone asks. Though she prays to god no one ever will.

She tries books. And she tries scrolling aimlessly through Instagram. And there's this one guy she kinda-sorta-dated's updates: photos of a vacation to Boracay, which seems nice; his chest is a little more defined, more chiseled than when she was seventeen and kind of fumbling her way around a college boy and his stupid fucking preoccupation with who should be paying for drinks at whatever run down establishment was his pick of the night. Ryujin makes a face at the screen, pursing her lips; there's a girl in the photo - she looks too young for how her ass is falling out the one-piece. To the extent that she makes sure to send an unsolicited meme she's tagged herself in - like "here is my past and here are his balls", and gets a block and a report as a thank you.

It makes her feel good. That's what's most important.

And then, with little other distraction and a decent lack of luck, she picks up the phone.

It rings for a while before the operator comes in and says, "You're at number nine."

"What?"

"The queue. This call has you at number nine."

Ryujin slowly leans up from the pillows and squints into her bedroom.

"Huh."

"Would you still like to be connected, miss?

Ryujin thinks it over for a moment. Of course you're popular, a part of her mind comments, because you've got a voice like gravel-slung honey-gold. She's imagining eight other girls just like her, laying in their bed, panties on their ankles and thumbs covered with spit. All desperate for you. All curled up - one right after the other - with no fucking idea.

"Miss," the operator comes back with.

The line goes quiet - a few beats, but not too uncomfortable a silence. Then she gets a soft little exhale out, saying, "can I leave a callback number?"

"If you like." The operator considers the idea. "I can’t promise whether he’ll call you.”

“No, yeah.” Ryujin curls an arm under her chest and plays a finger against the swell of her breast through her night shirt. Gets lost in her own consideration. “Don't think he would anyway."

-

A new day is defined by new possibilities, or something or another you read once stitched into a frame; Something you muse over the rim of your coffee, nose-deep in the laptop at the kitchen counter top.

Last night ended a bit unexpectedly - this not considering the couple's awkward fight which took up two-thirds of the evening. Or the girlfriend-slash-fiancée of that guy, which somehow led you to wonder just how old was too old. But as you were logging your final client session of the night a ping came through the employee portal and let you know that someone had left their number with the operator in the hopes you'd call.

You swig back the rest of your coffee, roll your shoulders and shrug. Oh, there are at least a million reasons not to call a number that randomly, offhandedly arrives in the middle of the night and gets patched through a phonesex hot line under the cover of darkness.

The same number could be out there, defacing the wall of a truck stop bathroom, or inked into the skin of a squat prison convict who's got a brow like the horizon. Maybe, it belongs to that married business man that took your personal phone number as his private line and spent all the time bragging how he was going to quit his wife and make a run for it with you - just you - even though you'd rather stab him with a fork than be involved with that kind of psychopathy and are honestly just looking for that extra bump in commissions every time his wife calls to ask the exact same thing.

Your clients call. You talk.

You take the cash.

The point is: there's more fucking deviants out there than there are stars in the sky. You would know; you talk to a new handful every goddamn day.

Yet it doesn't really matter. You're gonna do it. Because you're feeling restless. Because - and it sounds insane - there's at least some probability, no matter how remote, that you will pick up that receiver and punch in a number and the line will connect with the girl who's been on your mind almost constantly for the better half of two months. That you might listen to the dial tone turn into her answering with a genuinely indifferent, "this is Ryujin," or whatever her name actually is -

You're living in a pipe dream. You're probably reaching, actually. And all you know about this woman, is, what? What does it really, factually, truly amount to, the amount you feel you've come to know about her.

You know more about how she prefers to methodically, meticulously begin, then draw out, and finally end a blowjob to someone that ain't you than you do about any detail in her life story, frankly. You're reaching, and you know it.

You pick up the phone and dial.

-

(It goes straight to voicemail, and get this: that’s her real fucking name.)

-

Yuna has the audacity to ask, as she slides into the booth, "who do you keep texting?"

Ryujin's eyebrow arches.

The younger girl nods towards where Ryujin's thumbs are practically flying over the keyboard.

"No one." Ryujin puts the phone on her lap and crosses her arms over her chest. Then the words seem to echo through the inside of her skull, so she shakes her head a little, in emphasis. "It's nothing, don't worry about it."

She's right though - and maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's why it's hard to answer.

Chaeryeong washes the shot of whisky down with a swallow of lemon-lime. Her eyes slide open to Ryujin as she wipes at her bottom lip. Then she spikes a finger into Ryujin's ribs.

"Spill."

It's a dangerous order, and she doesn't realize it at first. Chaeryeong's bad ideas have an annoying habit of flinging themselves on Ryujin, like a bomb dropped at low altitude - sudden, quick, and more than enough to shake everything up. Chaeryeong will make Ryujin go out dancing - and then she'll lose her clutch purse. Chaeryeong will remember she started the evening with a scarf - so they need to walk out a whole block or two to find it.

More importantly: Chaeryeong is not a great drunk.

So, of course she spills. She relays her findings, carefully and as deliberately as she can muster.

"Does he have a nice voice?" Chaeryeong asks.

"It's kind of deep?”

Chaeryeong snorts. Apologizes immediately.

"Not... deep. Sultry. I guess. Smooth, easy to hear." Ryujin tells the two across the table.

Yuna whistles low. "Romantic as shit."

“Fuck, I don’t know. In, like a sexy sort of way." Ryujin raises both palms in a vague gesture. She clears her throat at the two pairs of eyes staring back at her as though the words coming out of her mouth belonged to a foreign language. "Uh. Sort of raspy, or something, sometimes, like he's... on the phone a lot, and you know," Ryujin flushes, suddenly caught and wondering where all the confidence went, "yeah."

Yuna's leaning forward, chin in her palm. "I'm having a hard time believing texting is a sort of standard operating procedure."

"Well try a little harder," Ryujin snaps, eyes finding Yuna's and making herself fucking clear.

Chaeryeong has this look about her, she's trying to keep it all in, but then there's her eyes, cinched at the corners and dead-fucking-giveaways. She puts an arm against the table and points at Ryujin with an up-reaching thumb. "This is the cutest shit, like ever, and you two are texting like actual lovers instead of two, apparently rando-stranger fuck buddies, or whatever."

Yuna - for whatever reason - feels at liberty to throw gasoline on the fire. "Does that mean you think he's going to get jealous if you bring some dude along to Lia's birthday?"

Ryujin sucks in a breath; the fact that he'd never - well.

"Ryujin's in love," Yuna adds for dramatic effect, for the sake of being the worst fucking person. She can be so fucking petty. It's a side of her no one ever sees, because she's just so sweet all the time. Like right now, she's doing that smile-smirk thing that gets Chaeryeong giggling against her hand and then coughing into it a second later.

"Jesus christ," Ryujin starts gathering her jacket and purse. "He's- not- this is- God, I'm done." She slips her shoulder under the strap. "Thanks for listening to me sound like a teenager."

"Isn't that just normal for you," Yuna quips back, pulling at her straw until there's only air rushing through the bend of it. "Where are you going?"

"I can't stay here," Ryujin says as if it's obvious, as well as her point, the argument she's trying to make. "Besides, Yeji is gonna want me to get my dress and shit all sorted out."

"Don't fall in love with one of the robot voices at the cross-walk on your way home, or anything!" Yuna laughs out, giving a flippant wave goodbye.

Ryujin lets her eyes roll because sometimes, she hates her friends.

-

It still throws you for a loop whenever Ryujin pings your phone with a text that says something like:

have you jerked yourself off to exhaustion or is there one more in you for someone like me?

Or,

my roommate is getting pounded through the springs of her mattress, wanna see if you can hear it?

Or,

are you free? I really fucking need to cum. bad.

Each text is something you tuck into yourself. Save and mark and spend all your time in those long-form responses imagining how her face looked when her brain typed out the words for you. You wonder if she's sighing through her fingers or hiding her lips behind a pillow while the heat coils in the pits of her hips.

As time goes by, Ryujin slips a little more. From one text about whatever book or series she was rereading last and another about the sadism of politicians and how people are more likely to agree with what they've heard someone else say than the facts of a given subject, to texts with a few scattered thoughts to strings of sexting that has you cumming into the palm of your hand and through your sheets and in the middle of a dream in which there's no clothes and a pretty fucking filthy proposition.

"How have you been lately," you decide, and consider, briefly, the very strong likelihood this call is gonna send her right through the goddamn roof.

When Ryujin eventually finds herself able to get out: "fine," there's a tell-tale pause, then an even longer pause, that implies she'd definitely rather say anything else. Then she kind of stutters a, "pretty good. Not too bad. All that stuff, I suppose."

And not to say any part of this has felt like routine. Both of you breathing into the end of a telephone and letting your eyes clench tight while you cum all over yourself - imagining everything she told you she wanted you to do to her, how it'd all go: "fucking with my arms grappled behind my back," she'd hum, "head pushed into the bedsheets, you're smothering me, ah- I'd let you cum wherever the fuck you like, but please-" or maybe a bit simpler: "so my thighs are straddling your face?" is about the gist.

A second goes by, another, a third.

"Hang on," you end up having to tell her sometimes, "I need a fucking towel-"

"You really are, huh, jerking off with me- I get you that hot, is what you're telling me? Or is just too much imagining how you'd fuck your way right into my guts through my pretty little pussy? Ah, jesus," the cadence of her voice climbs high before ending up back where it belongs, "Jesus, fuck."

"Can you imagine," is how it'd start, "how good it'd feel? My pussy, or- anywhere, everywhere. I think you'd ruin me for anyone else - you- with how, god-"

You can hear Ryujin shift on the sheets, licking at her bottom lip. Silently cumming. Cumming for you.

"Okay."

"Okay what," Ryujin quietly says back.

The gears turning.

You press your hand into the side of your neck. "Fuck me. Now, in a second. Tell me the last fucking thing in the world you want me to be or do and-"

"Wait."

There's this half-breath. This hmm that almost trips off Ryujin's tongue. Her eyes squinting open to a new thought. You think she's about to be sly. About to surprise you with an offhand fuck yes I'd ride that face like a bus seat; that she might come back with, yes I'll put you right in the middle of the best part of me, god you'll love it, and I promise not to make you cum if you're nice enough not to let your hands wander. But.

It's funny how things are -

"I have a confession," she says, matter-of-factly.

That's not entirely unusual. You've had more of those come through your line in a year than a confessional grate might get in a lifetime. So it doesn't sound like something special to you; Ryujin and you are in this candid don't-ask-don't-tell in regards to payments and the exchange of goods and services, but here you are, still using lines and bits. Practiced.

"In the name of the father, and of the son, and-"

"Funny." Ryujin gets the hint to backtrack. "Uhm, I mean. Remember the roommate I was telling you about?"

You hum a, "maybe."

"Uh," and now the hushed voice from her throat sounds distant, suddenly out of the scope of the receiver, "can I be totally, honestly- just really, extremely honest here, are you- or?"

You stop thinking about the ebbs and flows of her voice, how it dips down then arches up a little. Because now her voice has become something that is nervous, bordering on uneasy. So you stop, take stock and hold on. You weren't expecting a voice of worry or tension, or not at least while she wasn't thrown back into her bed and rubbing furiously at the ache between her legs.

"Yeah, of course," you offer her up.

"This is so embarrassing," she's saying, and some part of you feels ready to sink - you haven't the faintest idea for what, but there is something. Your chest clenches.

You can't help the worry and reply: "Okay, um. I mean- yeah. Me too, I can admit I feel a bit- and you can, y'know, be a little-"

"I'm not straight," she says finally, with a little quiver of her voice right at the tail end.

A blink comes, another - there's nothing coming out of you and you have no idea why that should be at all difficult, so the silence grows long. A new sort of awkward; the kind that you find out isn't just the rush of cum cooling in a pair of sweat-damp underwear. No - this is embarrassment, the kind that taints you.

"What?" You exhale a strained laugh, almost too-bright. "Are you- is this some sort of-?"

"Nope, no, this is crazy, sorry." She laughs. "Sorry."

"You certainly had me fooled." You sit up straighter in your bed, resting elbows on your knees. The moon is filtering through the windowsill and bathing the room in blue - casting light all the wrong ways. Making your own heart beat just a little too fast. "Fuck, um. Can I ask a personal question?"

"Sure." Her voice sounds uncharacteristically soft.

"What are you into?" and you as soon as you ask, you're laughing - because you've heard Ryujin wax lyrical for weeks, pontificate about every manner and way she'd take a cock between her hands, lips, fingers. Every. Single. Place, she wants one in - and now you can't believe this is what you went with: "I mean, like girls?"

"It's probably safe to assume I have some, y'know- degree of- yeah."

You chuckle a bit. The stiffness in your shoulders settling out.

"I've been in love, I realize - boy, with my roommate - for a while."

It's said with a sad laugh - as if this were a little shameful. Some deep, dark secret no one could ever be privy to; some stain on her soul that might wash out only after one final scrubbing with dish detergent and the cruelest bristles. A thing that keeps her up at night -

“Not the roommate, by the way, who we listen to get fucking railed like she’s on-demand pornography every weekend. Just to be clear."

"Good, jesus, that'd be fucking something."

Ryujin sounds more cheerful when her voice comes back through the line, "right?"

You wipe the perspiration of your top lip. You laugh nervously at this girl admitting to being in love over the phone - a stranger, truly, in all ways - to some fucked up audio-fetish sex line personality. And now - the fuck's wrong with you?

"Are you mad?" she asks, and some part of you is wrung. A small string of tension twisting so hard inside your gut, you're losing touch.

"No," you let her know. "No, not at all."

And that is honest. This is honest. There's this itching little scratch all over the insides of your skin that seems intent on driving a fucking wedge. Right at the center of your chest, tearing you apart. It feels as you've lost - not an object, not a material. Not an idea, nor a concept - but a feeling, that for once, was distinctly, overwhelmingly yours, without your wanting, or permission, or comprehension.

Ryujin sighs, this elongated relief coming in. She sinks back against the headboard.

She tells you everything. How Yeji smiles, and it's like the whole fucking room has gone up in lights, just from her and her alone. How there is nothing that she'd rather spend all her days around. She talks and you sit there, silent and listening. She talks about her. Her name and everything Yeji does and everything she wants.

The more you listen, you realize it's all real; she's not confused, or mistaken, or out to play a game or convince herself of something she believes is inherently untrue. She's not frustrated, or longing. She doesn't have this stomach-rolling pit of anxiety digging a cavern at her center because she just can't go through the rest of her life, living a life like everyone else. Not ever.

Because, all you really notice is-

She loves Yeji. The quiet kind. And she's sitting there, legs curled under her ass, crying. Not sad, or frightened, or wounded, just this beautiful sort of awed: it's the kind that only someone who is too inexperienced at crying should have. Where you just-

Look away.

"I'm not taking my phone into the bath with me," is the last thing she says to you, tears flooding out in her last couple words, before you can only offer her a meek: "anytime, Ryujin, I'm here."

-

(Four, five weeks go by in the blink of an eye. A month where you figure it's best to let her text or call or make it clear she wants your voice.

She never does.)

-

Lia is taking her sweet time to apply concealer over the cut Ryujin earned herself trying to get a stupid thing off a shelf - that's how low and unreasonable her tolerance for anything mildly inconvenient is.

"That fucking hurts," Ryujin tells her, wincing.

Lia ignores her.

She keeps on dabbing at the spot on her temple with the makeup brush until there isn't any trace of bruising, or where the jagged scar of a cut ends and skin begins, not anymore. At this point, she has gotten better, has developed a kind of surgeon's eye: zeroing in and unblinking, until every inch of damage is looking like Ryujin did when she was brought into this world -

(which is not perfect, but what it ought to look like, all things considered.)

Lia holds her hands in place on either side of Ryujin's head. "Stay."

It takes less than five minutes, and during those, Yuna just offers from around the bathroom door, "Ryujin, sweetheart, you’re looking hot tonight."

There's nothing more Ryujin wants to do than set the girl straight - the girl can't not keep a chirp to herself, for once in her fucking life. Because this flimsy slip of a dress around her middle feels too tight, the air choked out of her lungs if she shifts her weight onto the wrong foot. The hem rides way too fucking high up her thighs. So, if anyone didn't want a good long look at her ass tonight, they better come up with a plan B if she has to so much as approach a staircase.

"Have I ever not," she bites.

Yuna snorts.

And luckily for Ryujin, Lia feels the same way:

"Yuna, would it kill you to find something productive to do with your time?"

Yuna opens her mouth like she has something to say (she usually does) before retreating further away, the edge of her hair disappearing around the doorway. Then Ryujin's grinning - eyes taking in how Lia glowers a bit back, silently judging the stupidity in Ryujin's expression and also, admiring how good the girl looks. "Not bad, though, really."

Lia tells her with an underhanded wave of the brush and a wink: "historically, you do always get laid on my birthday, remember?"

Ryujin jerks a little, and the scar above her eye throbs into Lia's thumb. "Thanks?"

-

The party is miserable, but it's not Lia's fault. It's not really Yeji's fault either. They tried, that's really all she can say for them - her and her permanent-plus-one whose face Ryujin wants to both claw at and kiss until it’s swollen-

What she really can't wrap her mind around, though, is the guy sitting right fucking beside her. The idiot.

"Really, I'm telling you," her date - who is about 3.5 out of five stars at best and not so much handsome or hot as he is 'okay in a pinch' - grins up at her with the smarmiest of smiles, "if you'd just have taken me up on dinner, I would've spent all our time talking about you. We’d figure out how to enjoy ourselves."

"Likely story."

This fuckwad has the absolute goddamn gall to look wounded when his arm starts circling its way around the space where her dress is suffocating her at the waist, and Ryujin starts to shimmy her way out of hot water - again. God, she thinks, god save me-

"I think," she manages with a stilted grin, "I'm going to make myself useful- drinks, no?"

When he leans forward to grab her hand, it's only so she doesn't leave.

"You're not going to ask for my order?" he presses. The only reason Ryujin hasn't knocked out a couple of his front teeth is because Lia would be the one hearing Yeji whine about cleaning up the fucking mess.

"Just scotch. Neat."

Ryujin's a natural when it comes to smiling fake; it's part of her goddamned job. "Of course," she says, like she's not absolutely loathing him.

"Try the oakier, single-barrel variety, alright," he explains, because what's hotter than a man who's an expert in alcohol and being an insufferable tool? Nothing of course. She hopes he knocks back a few too many and his liver explodes - the painless way out. If god would ever fucking allow it.

She barely manages a half-strangled laugh over the blare of the music before he finally releases her wrist. 

The absolute fucking prick.

-

Here's something Ryujin never thought she'd come to appreciate:

Being alone.

It's just her and the breeze through the open doors of the rooftop garden, which is something every bit as refreshing as it is teeth-chatteringly cold. The wind picks up in gusts and billows, until it starts nipping up the fabric around her knees, like it's any one of the drunk, stumbling guests milling about and looking for a noncommittal lay.

Her left foot slips a step outwards, the uncomfortably tall heel bouncing on the edge of her toe and tapping a tune against the brick. Ryujin slouches on the railing that encapsulates the entire terrace, arms pressed over it, hands folded one-over the other - letting the night sky caress her bare shoulders with its wind-brushed kisses. This, is okay. It's better.

Maybe not ideal, but better.

And all it really took was a few fucking moments where she isn't smiling with pursed, stressed lips; where the pressure in her jaw finally settles out enough for the knot in the back of her teeth to fall loose and for her mouth to actually feel, y'know - good.

Not forced, is what. Not fake, or not real, or whatever-

Ryujin almost fishes her phone from her clutch. Almost. Almost texts to tell you that: this fucking night, like all the others in the past month or two or year, has left her feeling particularly done for, and yeah, no, it isn't helping that she'd take whatever would be the alternative if it meant a face like yours came in handy to lean against, or your shoulder or thigh to use. Like some pillow - that's all.

And you are, like. An option. But not, she sighs out, exactly the right one.

An errant chill shudders through her and down her spine.

"Shin Ryujin."

She'd recognize the tilt of that voice anywhere; even if her ears were pounding and her head filled with static and noise, she'd be able to place Yeji at the end of the world. The truth is easy to see, if only Yeji knew where to look: the corners of Ryujin's eyes screw up tight for a second, an immeasurably long time, in order to not do what they wanted. What it would mean.

She does anyway. "I'd hug you," Ryujin throws behind her with an airy sigh, "but I know where you've been."

Yeji's jaw has set at this point; a twist is still in her lip and she lets out this dry, half-laugh, half-not sound - which is the thing that drives Ryujin a little crazy. Yeji turns her attention from the concrete ground, to Ryujin's profile, her body leaning forward, toes tipping in: "sometimes I wonder if my partner in crime can breathe without saying something incendiary."

"Nope." Ryujin offers no further response or follow-up. Instead, the quiet gush of air makes itself the center of attention and a victim of silence.

"Sorry about-"

"Don't be. Don't give it a second thought." Ryujin stretches, leaning a little over the railing. Her fingers arch before her. Her words sounding the slightest bit cold, "can't win 'em all, right?"

Yeji's eyebrows pull together. "That's not how this was supposed-"

"God, Yeji." Ryujin smiles. Yeji hates that she never knows what that means. "I'm trying, really, I am, but you know - I really, I have tried my best, so can we just lay it to rest?"

Yeji leans over the railing - the fucking moon reflecting in these lustrous pools where her eyes go darker than night - and doesn't say anything for the longest moment. Ryujin chews her tongue, and tries to look as interested in the void of stars and night clouds as possible.

"Fuck's going on with you, lately?"

Ryujin just laughs back.

"Really," and the last word dips in a groan. It's almost childishly tragic how petulantly she insists, "talk to me."

But Ryujin has nothing else to say - no witty, scathing remarks. No deadpan observations or funny asides, not even a morose comment to throw back. There are times and moments and fucking periods of her day where she'd happily chew glass if it meant that Yeji would sit there a second longer, be beside her for a while and smile, just smile at only her, once - for once.

Her only response is the worst kind of lie, this soft: "really nothing."

The moment where it slips and hangs between them, when it lingers the longest -

She could reach out, a hand on her thigh, the small of her back, if she could only reach. And Yeji, she'd listen to her, for once. She'd really, genuinely hear what Ryujin says; like she can see it, plain as day, everything there's in Ryujin's eyes, the thoughts inside her head, written on her goddamn face and across the open night air in neon:

I love you. I'm in love with you, you're too close to me.

The seconds pass. They tick, they stretch and grow thin. Yeji looks at Ryujin expectantly, and Ryujin knows. It is something like being put on the spot and called in. Something like a long, pained whimper caught somewhere in her throat.

She is very much still, unmoving, and feeling nothing at all.

Maybe she can blame the alcohol, the dark, the series of events that saw her hiding away behind a bunch of decorative trees and fighting for breath where the wind blows a little cooler. She can pretend like the stars aren't absent above her, and it doesn't hurt a goddamn bit.

“Yeji, I-” She licks at her lip, ready, willing-

Ryujin grabs at her waist with a hand. Her knuckles white around the black of the railing. And with no further fanfare, she spits it out like venom, with no small measure of shame or guilt or worry for how Yeji will take it - or worse: how she herself would react in the wake of admitting it aloud -

“I love you,” Ryujin says, and it pops out of her mouth as neatly as it had the first thousand times practicing alone in her car.

A blink, and another. The look on Yeji's face is hard and blank, as if she'd understood every syllable, but didn't hear it at all - maybe. Her gaze drops, it trails a path along the long line of Ryujin's pale neck. Of the two ways it could ever go in her head, stuck on loop for as long as she can remember, Ryujin had never considered that Yeji might turn this still and vacant. A sudden feeling, a pull or a grip, starts in the lowest part of Ryujin's guts.

"And not-," she hears her own voice falter, "like-"

Then - it's on the back of Ryujin's head and in her hair, a hand curled at the base of her skull and pulling her head a little downward and her, until their foreheads meet. And before she has a chance to walk it back - to stuff it down where it came from and seal the bottle tight - before she can clench her eyes, shake her head, and spit out anything else like the fact that there was not much that had to change, between them -

Yeji just says plainly: "Yeah, hun. Love you too."

And it's shockingly, the most painful thing - that she just squeezes her hand and pats her back like it's all they could ever be. Without even the wherewithal to reject her properly; to tell her something like "don't ever say that again, god," or "oh shit- Ryujin. Sorry. So, no," or at least to spit back with a scathing laugh: "welcome to the fucking party," like what she always does.

"Yeah." Yeji clears her throat quietly and starts retreating back from the brink - with no apparent aim but to pull away as she draws herself away from the warmth of Ryujin's space, "uh, don't forget to say hello to some of the staffers before they go home, okay?"

Ryujin is left with nothing but the air that follows Yeji's outline; left with her heart sinking into the depths of the night; left trying to make sense of the bitter sting ripping her chest in two.

Left with her own hopelessness - the pining - when Yeji walks away.

To be lonely, to be alone; neither are the same. 

And she hates knowing she is so incredibly both.

-

The worst part is she knows how it looks.

Her pace just on the verge of unsteady, the way her feet come up from the ground: Left foot, the right. The other. Back and back and forth again, faster and then slower and- fuck.

A damsel, severely distressed.

She sits down on the curb. She wants to cry, but even just the way she looks, carrying her heels and struggling with this fucking dress she wishes she'd never bothered with at all - oh, the tabloids would be sure every detail gets pinned under all the wrong lights. A breakdown would only serve to confirm all the right things; it would paint a story for anyone who cares enough to glean from her crestfallen posture and red cheeks that she is yes, a little broken, and that everyone wants to be loved and she's no different - and -

She sucks a breath. This time, when her tears fall, it's a quick, perfunctory action, no show in it.

Her palms rub her face - and she wipes, and wipes, and wipes - smearing at the foundation under her eyes before she takes a long drag of night air. Deep from her core, filling up her lungs until she can't hold anymore. Until it hurts and stings the backs of her ribs - it's enough for a single, fleeting moment. The street is mostly empty; an occasional car will speed by every now and then and it's those few and far between intervals that hurt most, that nearly shatter her: if she can barely do this, alone, how can she possibly be enough for anyone?

Ryujin’s smiling only to hold back her tears, and it fucking stings. She flicks hurriedly past the lock screen of her phone and swipes through the message stream with blurry eyes - there’s a whole host of people that want to know where the fuck she went, if she's safe, why she up and vanished the moment Yeji couldn't keep an eye on her. And well. The girl sighs.

Finds your name in her contacts and puts her thumb right beside it.

It rings exactly three times, and she hates the number. She hates how many things can be associated with that number in those seconds alone.

Four, the pause where you must have had the opportunity, but didn't decide to pick up - just leave it be. Then five - Ryujin is definitely no longer looking forward to any of this.

Six: it stops.

There's this crackle, and through the night -

"Just what brings you here, stranger?"

For an indistinct amount of time, Ryujin drifts in the whirlpool current of that question; it sinks her deeper, into the currents of your voice and the tone and what it's suggesting and demanding from her. All the things your voice is giving her permission to ask of and with and-

Until finally she answers back: "do you ever just, like, wish," a shallow pause for the hitch in her breath, "something, someone was a little more for you- or to- with you-"

The swell of a smile through the receiver; and you can't help your laugh, soft.

"Sometimes," is what you say, "that's just human, don't you think?"

She doesn't understand how something like love or life or desire should be a universal trait.

"Uh, maybe," she shrugs out, and thinks.

"It's pretty normal," you tell her.

Quiet, as if you were right in front of her.

"Look," you start, and you can hear how she sniffs her nose and swipes the pad of her hand right along the side of it, to catch anything stupid and stupid sounding leaking down to her upper lip. "You don't have to. Let's just hang out. Tell me anything."

And for once, she does.

She talks.

-

(The whole story.

From the first time Ryujin realizes the world is never going to be fair - that she shouldn't have to look at herself like she's unlovable because she's seen her friends be held as though they are - or at Yeji like she's completely unattainable or somehow, unlovable, and that someone as amazing as Yeji should have been loved from the moment she was born.

The rest comes through as fragments: the truth of her career. Yeji.

The balcony, the breeze, the bitter-fucking-disappointment.

And what came of that -

When Ryujin isn't a million and one words per minute, it feels, almost, it feels - she'd swear there was less noise in her own head: this thrumming in her brain has settled out; the walls around her and the echo coming off of them - the booming and pulsing - it's, gone.

Because even though there was an indistinct shape for where she had landed, in the aftermath, and nothing much had changed - all that did. You listen, and that alone makes it so you're both exactly where you’re supposed to be, even if this, tonight - you are unsure, if it will actually fix anything - if anything needs fixing at all.)

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Cod BF/GF Scenario

Bringing your boyfriend/girlfriend to Sephora (or a cosmetics store because of course my third world country doesn't have Sephora)

Characters Included: John Price, Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra, Valeria Garza, Farah Karim, Kate Laswell, Alex Keller, König, Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin, Keegan P. Russ, Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Nikolai Belinski, Philip Graves.

Reader is described to be shorter than all Characters.

And yes I'm aware that some of these scenarios have the same characters because I thought they fit more than one.

ꕥ HOPE YOU ENJOY! ꕥ

A/n: Hii! Lia here, these past few weeks have been so freaking brutal on me lovelies but I wanted to write this to feed you guys <3 (Also, this is a 2.5k like special since I just reached it AHHHH)

My rules for requests and characters I can write for

Disclaimers/Warnings: None, OOC???, pure fluff haters be warned.

His arm is just perfect for swatches, lots of space, he lets out a deep chuckle whenever you take his muscular arm and compare the swatch side by side to your face to see if the color would match you. He fakes being annoyed but definitely doesn't mind that you drag him around, adorable dynamic between you being tiny dragging a big burly man around, in the lip product isle no less.

Characters: John Price, Simon "Ghost" Riley, John "Soap" MacTavish, Alejandro Vargas, König.

Is the sweet boyfriend who saw your eyes light up the moment you saw the store and offered you to go in, again doesn't mind if you use his arm for swatches. Looks at the products that they think will look good on you and sometimes picks up a thing or two for you to try and will definitely do that fist thing that guys do whispering a silent "yes!" of accomplishment (this thing), they're so proud of themselves when you like the item they picked out.

Characters: Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra, Alex Keller, König, Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin, Gary "Roach" Sanderson.

Goes with you because they like seeing you all dolled up, will pay attention and know when you're using a product that you bought with them during the shopping trip even if that was a few weeks back. So pretty for them that it triggers their possessiveness just a bit.

Characters: John Price, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Valeria Garza, Farah Karim, Kate Laswell, Alex Keller, Nikolai Belinski, Philip Graves.

Would tease you about liking these kinds of things but would silently admire you from your shared bed while you put skincare or makeup on, sometimes they use the skincare on themselves secretly and you'd just wonder why your skincare products are getting empty a lot quicker.

Characters: John "Soap" MacTavish, Alejandro Vargas, Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin, Keegan P. Russ, Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Nikolai Belinski, Philip Graves.

Doesn't want to be there but seeing you liking those things amuses them, will secretly buy something behind your back that they think would look so pretty on you and leave it on your vanity for you to find and will smirk if they find you using in a few days later.

Characters: Alejandro Vargas, Valeria Garza, Keegan P. Russ, Makarov. (For my delulu Makarov lovers ( it's so OOC though ahaha)

[magics-neptunes-things]

Header

Hi guys!

This is a request I had some days (or weeks?) ago. I hope it would please the sweet anon who asked for it :)

Enjoy!

TW : Concussion, blood, injury, fainting.

_____________________________________________________________

Since the beginning of the day, something seems of when you look at your girlfriend. She seems worried, not at ease and is excessively clingy with you. Not that you don’t like it, but Lia always have said that you should be careful about your relationship. She doesn’t exactly want to be secret, but she wants people to concentrate on her play and not on her relationship. Which you can understand, her breakup with Caitlin Foord looked like it involved a lot of other people. The fans, actually.

You choose not to come together this afternoon for the game, you’re playing in the Arsenal’s stadium, so you have to come with your cars. You asked Alessia to pick you up and Lia is supposed to get you home. Because of the traffic jam Alessia and you are a little late. You are surprised to see you girlfriend almost jumping on you when you arrive, grabbing you by the sleeve of your jacket.

“Where the hell have you been?! I was worried sick!”

You look at her with incredulity written on your face. Where is your girlfriend, always calm, posed, thoughtful and rational?

“We had a lot of traffic on the road, but everything’s fine. Are you ok?”

She doesn’t answer, grabbing you by the hand this time, to get you to the changing room. You question Leah with a look, but the blonde only shrugs her shoulders. You take Alessia with you with your free hand, dragging her with you.

You are not even late when you get on the pitch, starting the training after hearing some of tactical adjustments from Jonas. Lia, sitting next to you, doesn’t seem to be able to stay still. And she is very nervous during the drill too, making you wonder what the hell is happening to her.

You take her around a corner before going to change for the game, far away from the other’s ears.

“Lia what’s happening? You are acting weird since this morning.”

“Nothing” Lia sighs, looking around her.

Everywhere but you. You cup her cheek with your hand, attending to have a real exchange of look with her. You know that when you look at her in her eyes, she can’t lie.

“Lia” you say with a soothing voice. “Talk to me Baby, please.”

She sights and rub her face, still leaning against your touch anyway.

“You are going to think that I’m stupid.”

“Not even in your wildest dream.”

This time your girlfriend rolls her eyes and smile lightly, making you smirk in return. You know that if it’s affecting Lia like this, this isn’t nothing.

“I just have that feeling that something bad will happen. I had it when Leah did her ACL and it’s back.”

The Swiss woman already talked to you about the feeling she had that day, almost seeming to say that it was her fault if something like that happened to Leah. You trust her, obviously. But your job is to reassure her too.

“It’s going to be ok Babe, I swear. I won’t let anyone take you down.”

Next to Katie and Leah for today, you are a defender. And for you, your job is to not let the other team come near your goalkeeper, but not to touch any of your teammates too. The fans call you The Bodyguard, and it’s not for your passion for the song « I will always love you ». You are higher than Lia but you aren’t really high either. You don’t seem to be big too, but your muscles allow you to stay with your feet firmly on the ground against almost every charge.

You offer a hug at Lia, who cuddle against you. She doesn’t exactly worry about herself, more about one of your friends. But she tries to convince herself what you said. It’s going to be alright.

During the game, you see your girlfriend flinch every time that one of your teammates is on the ground. Liverpool isn’t playing dirty, there are some faults of course, but it’s a great game. At halftime, it’s 2-0 for Arsenal.

But when you are back in your cubby, your girlfriend always seems to the point of fainting from stress. You decide to abandon Lotte and her cubby next to yours to go sit next to Lia in her cubby. You propose her half of your banana, which she take with a small smile. Looking around to be sure that no one is looking at you, you kiss her cheek.

“Breath Babe. Everything is fine, see? We are winning and no one is hurt.”

Lia nod and take your arm against her, trapping it between her two. You let her, smiling when she put her head on it. When it’s time to get back, you kiss her hair and follow her peacefully.

You should have listened to her though. Because it’s not her, it’s not one of your teammates that get hurt at the end of the game.

It’s you.

Around the 80 minutes, you are running on the box to try to take a ball from Caitlin. She sends it and at the same time as you, another player from the other team is jumping. Your heads collided. Hard. You were running from all your speed, so is your opponent. The first shock almost knocks you out immediately, but the way you fall on the ground with all your weight, head first, it’s the one thing too many.

You fall out, not reacting at first when Caitlin run to you, making you roll to your side. Jonas is screaming to the medic to “get your ass on the pitch right now”. When they arrive at your side, Alessia and Katie are here too. But Lia is frozen at the other side of the pitch, unable to make a move.

After some hesitation and realizing that the medical team shushed away almost everyone from you, Leah decides to take care of Lia. There is only Katie left next to you, maybe because she’s your best friend. Some feet from away you, Alessia and Caitlin are shaking and Lia knows right away that this is bad.

“Lia” Leah calls her.

The Swiss woman looks at her friend, who doesn’t know what to say. The blonde just takes Lia’s hand, training her slowly in the direction of the bench, where your other teammates are. But when she realizes where she’s going, Lia stop dead in her track.

“I want to see her” Lia mumbles.

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea...”

Alessia, who were not far from them give a look at Leah. She shakes her head at Leah behind Lia’s back and the blonde understand quickly. But Lia sees that Leah is looking at someone and Alessia can’t stay quiet when she sees your girlfriend’s face.

“I think it’s better that you stay here for some seconds. There is blood and…”

And suddenly there is more movement next to you and they can see Katie standing up. Her hands are red with your blood and Lia starts walking without really realizing it. She ignores Leah calling her, she just wants to see you.

“Lia, stop, Sweetheart” Katie says softly when she saw your girlfriend’s coming.

“I want to see her” Lia mumbles, looking at Katie.

“I know. Just wait some seconds, ok? Believe me, please. She’s breathing but passed out, they want to clean her wound. And she kind of… Throw up. They say it’s because of the shock.”

A little far from you, the other injured player is standing but have a bag of ice against her head. But she’s up, unlike you. Lia watches Katie washes her hand and let a sob out before talking.

“I knew something bad would happen, I told her. It can’t be happening again.”

“Lia stop, it’s not your fault.”

But before she can explain why it actually is, the medical team is moving you off the pitch. They put you on a stretcher and Lia could now have a full look on you. You’re still off, a massive bandage around your head and some blood is still on your face.

“I’m going with her” Lia informs Jonas.

The man is a little surprised, usually Lia is the one of all her player who will listen to him without a second thought. But right now, he saw the despair on Lia’s face and know right away that he can ask her to finish the game.

“We’ll bring you your stuff” Leah says.

Kyra gives Lia her jacket to keep her warm and with that the Swiss woman is following you until you are in the ambulance. They put you on monitor and gave a call to the hospital to say that you are coming. You’re still not up and they want to make some tests to know and understand why.

At the hospital, a sweet nurse takes Lia in the waiting room, offering her a coffee. Lia takes it, but when Katie, Leah and Caitlin are here, her cup is still full. Katie put your bags next to Lia on the ground and Leah sits next to Lia, kissing her head. Caitlin looks unsure about what to do though. She came because she wanted to be there for Katie and for Lia too, but with their past, she doesn’t know if Lia wants her here.

They exchanged a look though and Lia just nod in direction of a free chair next to Katie. With a small smile, Caitlin sits next to Katie, taking her hand is hers.

“What did they say?” Leah asks.

“Almost nothing. They are making tests and x-ray to see how her injury is. She didn’t wake up, Lee.”

Lia doesn’t want to cry. She really doesn’t. But she can’t stop the tears from rolling on her cheeks. Big, hot tears. Feeling her heart breaking for her friend, Leah takes her against her and let Lia put her head on her shoulder.

“It’s going to be ok” Leah mumbles.

Some time pass, hours actually, and Lia almost fall asleep on Leah’s shoulder from exhaustion. But she jumps every time, trying not to. Even if the three other girls told them that they will wake her up. Lia rings your parents instead, even if she doesn’t have anything good to say to them.

“Family of Y/N Y/L/N?”

“It’s me. I mean it’s us”

Lia jumps on her legs and almost run to the doctor. He looks at the four girls with an arched brow.

“Are you all her family?”

“This is her girlfriend” Katie answers almost aggressively.

Caitlin takes discreetly her hand in hers, trying to calm her girlfriend. The doctor sighs but add nothing, looking back at his papers.

“So, we made some test to understand her injury better. She doesn’t have anything broken or blood inside, but she has a massive concussion. We don’t know when she will wake up and she will obviously staying here all the time she needs to wake up. Maybe she will have some repercussions, but we can’t say anything right now.”

“What do you mean, repercussions?”

Leah asks for Lia, who seems very close to a nervous break down.

“Loss of memory, attention disorders, chronic headaches, nausea” he starts to list with a disinterested air. “Language and visualization in space disorders, change of behavior, character... Well, you know. All that. I have to go I’m sorry, ask the nurse if you need anything”

It’s with a defeat face that Lia turns herself in the direction of her friends. They all look stunned, but no one know what to say.

“How am I supposed to tell that to her parents?” Lia whispers before realizing something else. “He didn’t even say if we can see her!”

“Let me see if I can find someone.”

Caitlin left to find a nurse and when she comes back almost five minutes later, the three others are in the same disposition.

“I will take you to Y/N, ok Love?”

It’s the same nurse that gave Lia some coffee before, and the Swiss woman just nod, following her in the floors of the hospital. They don’t say anything before being in front of your room.

“Four is a little too much but for now I will let you in. But please, be quiet, ok?”

They all nod, before going in and Lia can’t stop some tears from falling. You seem so small in this bed with all the monitors around you. They change your bandage so it’s not bloody anymore. But you have a black eye and the cocky smile you usually have on your face is gone.

Lia lets herself fall on the chair who is the closest from you, taking her head in her hands.

“The doctor said that she will have like trouble of memories and language when she will wake up” Katie says to the nurse.

She frowns at her, before rolling her eyes.

“Those are some possibilities, but they are very rare and it usually happens when the concussion isn’t healed fast. Y/N had professional who were here for her immediately, the risks are very small. They exist, that’s for sur. But don’t think about it now.”

The nurse’s statements allow Lia to breathe a little better. Her muscles remain very tense when Leah puts a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Lia gets closer to you while the other three are busy warning the people you are closest to, while the nurse (Lydia, like her tag says) left the room after asking them not to stay to long at four people.

“Hey Love” Lia whispers, her chin on the mattress next to your face. “It’s me. I know you are hurt and I’m really sorry. Take the time you need to get better, but please, please, come back to me.”

********

It was hard for your friends to make Lia leaves you, even for some hours and even if someone else is here to have a look on you. She’s terrified that something could happened to you while she’s not here. Or that you wake up all alone in your room. They managed to take her at least once a day off anyway, so that she can take a shower and change her clothes.

Lia is currently sitting on the same chair, making some Sudoku she stole from Leah, when she hears you mumble something. She almost falls of her chair in her precipitation to have a look at you. You already moved a little this morning, but you were still deep asleep.

“Love? Can you hear me?” Lia whispers.

It takes you all your strength to open your eyes, the intensity of the light immediately making your head hurt.

“Lia?”

After that there are some noises and movements around you. Lia called the nurses, and your mother came back running in the room. But Lia never left your hand, and this is what helps you to stay focus.

After Lia helped you to drink some water, the doctor comes to you with his flashlight to look at your eyes. The light makes you groan in pain and Lia mumble something in Swiss-German that the doctor should be happy not to understand.

“How are you feeling Y/N?” he asks you.

“Tired” you mumble hardly.

“Yes, that’s normal. You will be for some more days.”

He keeps talking but you can’t focus anymore. Squeezing very weakly Lia’s hand around yours, you fall asleep again.

Days are passing and you get better, but really slowly. The first days, you can barely open your eyes. You felt more than you saw Lia, your parents and Katie’s presence next to you. It seems like your girlfriend is always here when you open your eyes, looking way to worried for your taste.

With more days, you can stay awake a little bit longer, but you can’t have a big conversation. You listen and look lovingly at Lia, smile at Katie when she tells you real-life training stories through exaggerated gestures and you let your mother washing your hair when they change your bandage, something she probably never have done since you are two.

You did more tests too and the only problems you seem to have now, is a constant need to sleep and difficulty to keep focus. But Lydia told you that it would probably get better with time. The club made a statement about your case, and you let them handle that, trusting them with all your being.

********

“I have a good new, Y/N” sings Lydia when she comes to your room that day. “You can go home today.”

Lia smiles and you frowns. You don’t want to be something difficult to manage to Lia, you are not living together but you know that you will need someone to take care of you for some days.

“Isn’t it too soon?” your mother asks.

“I don’t think so. She has great results for the tests, get better every day and I’m sure that Lia here will take great care of her.”

She winks at you and Lia and you smirk when you see that Lia is blushing a little. Your mother can’t say anything against that, she knows perfectly how much you mean to Lia. And how much she means to you.

“I will come back with the fills to signs, the different prescriptions and everything you will need. Take your time to be ready, yeah?”

You nod and your mother takes her phone from her purse.

“I’m going to call your dad.”

It’s like the first time that you find yourself all alone with Lia. And you take advantage of that to ask her the question that is on your mind.

“Are you sure? It probably will be complicated and with the trainings and all…”

“I am sure, Y/N. Don’t worry, really. I will take great care of you, like Lydia says. We can go to your house if you want… Well, it would probably be better that way, you don’t have stairs like I do.”

You look at her rumble, your head against the cushion. You have your cocky smirk back and Lia realize it immediately of course.

“What?” she asks.

“Nothing. I’m just lucky to have you. And I love you.”

She gives you her shy, beautiful smile back and takes you very softly against her. Even if you only have a head injury, she looks sometimes like she thinks you have broken ribs or something. Which you don’t.

“I love you too.”

She kisses lovingly your forehead, and you tilt your head in your direction, pouting. It makes her roll her eyes but she complied, kissing your lips softly. After that, she put her forehead against yours, looking deep in your eyes.

“You don’t know how much I am relieved that you are ok. I don’t know what I would have done if…”

With a finger on her lips, you make her be silent. She already excuses herself the other day, affirming that your injury was because of her. Because of her feeling that day and you already told her that this is stupid.

“Lia, stop. I am fine and I will be even better thanks to you. Please stop thinking that way.”

You are still very weak to be honest and you will have to take a wheelchair to left the hospital. You slept the journey to go to your house and fall asleep again after taking a proper shower with Lia’s help.

But you will get better and eight weeks after your injury, you are back on the pitch, stronger than ever.

[xxblairexxss]

Ashamed

Pairing : Charles Leclerc x reader

Theme : Angst, fluff

Word count : 6.7k

You had been feeling under the weather these past few days and had to reject Charles’ offer to go out, let it be for any parties or events without knowing he was secretly feeling disconsolate from the act, oblivious to it, until you saw pictures of him with a girl the next day. Was this his act of defiance of you?

Warnings ; the personalities were heavily inflicted from the reader’s ‘sickness’, cursings, incorrect medication term, incorrect medical terminology

Charles put away his phone and strode, leaving the room as he heard the sound of a pin number being typed in and the lock gave away the soft ring, indicating the door was unlocked. He didn’t need to wait for the ring. He had been waiting for his girlfriend to come back. His gut feeling was saying that something was wrong when you texted him earlier that you weren’t feeling very well. He didn’t get to pick you up from the office because he had other things scheduled to do, and you, being the most understanding girl he had ever met, assured him that it was all fine because your girl friend, Lia would be picking you up.

"Hey, are you alright?" That was the only thing that came out of his mouth, despite knowing what the answer was from your pale face.

You only managed to shake your head before crashing your body into his embrace, soaking in every inch of comfort he could give. He wasn’t home for two days, having to be in Maranello for work stuff, so you were on your own, living life until your body felt different when you woke up this morning. The thermometer didn’t indicate any fever, so you thought it would get better in a few hours.

But it didn’t. You had to lay your head down on the table, your eyes squeezed shut, hoping the headache would calm down after taking the pill, but it wasn’t working. Those hours being at the office felt like a torture; you couldn’t wait to go home, wrapped yourself up in a cosy blanket, to see your favourite face knowing he would be back in a few hours.

You were actually surprised to see him, as he was supposed to be back by midnight, but you had no energy left to convey the emotions.

"Baby?" Charles called out again after getting no replies.

"My head feels so heavy." You mumbled, feeling like you could fall asleep standing up while listening to the thump of his heartbeat against your ear with both of his arms wrapped around your body.

"Have you eaten? Do you want to eat something?" He asked again, this time with his eyes on yours as he broke the hug.

"No. I just want to lay down.." 

"Okay." Seeing as if you could lose consciousness any second, he quickly took your stuff from your hands, placing it on the couch before picking you up and going straight to the bedroom where his phone was left, still on and replaying the same video that he was watching earlier over and over. "Y/N, I’m going to help you take off your makeup first, alright?" He stopped you from lying down on the bed and made a quick run to get your makeup remover from the dressing table. He had seen you do it before, and he had also helped you take off your makeup whenever you got drunk from your girls’ night out. It was no difference this time.

"Baby, stay with me. I promise I’ll be quick." He assured you, one hand on your cheek to stop your head from dipping down, and quickly, yet gently, moved the makeup remover wipes across your face. He saw your flushed cheeks and pale lips when he removed all sorts of colour from the makeup, which made him even more worried. "Stay awake, baby. I’ll get your change of clothes." He left the wardrobe room after leaving a kiss on your hairline. Your body was warm.

"Thank you." You muttered as he helped you lay down after changing into pyjamas, which finally felt like you could properly breathe.

"Are you sure you don’t want to eat anything? I could try and cook something simple." He had eaten his dinner with Joris before making his way home earlier, but if you said you were hungry, he would get something done right this second, but you kept telling him no, assuring him that you only wanted him to stay with you until you fell asleep. So be obeyed.

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"Y/N? Where—what are you doing?" Your feet stopped moving further away, your hand still on the knob. You thought that when you fell asleep earlier, you would have woken up feeling better. You did feel better, but your stomach didn’t. You were famished. You didn’t realise you didn’t eat anything yesterday. Charles was sleeping peacefully, facing you with his hand on your waist, and you didn’t have the heart to wake him up, knowing he needed the rest as much as you did.

Your plan to get something to eat without waking him up failed even before you got to step outside the room. "I’ll be right back. Go back to sleep, honey." You gave a smile, though he wouldn’t be able to see it in the dark, before taking another step, but he stopped you again.

"Baby, where are you going? Do you need anything?"

"I’m going to get something to eat." You mumbled, and he frowned. His one leg was already off the bed.

"What?"

"I’m hungry.." The grip on the door knob went loose as you played with your fingers and eyes away when he started approaching you.

"Why didn’t you wake me up, love?"

"I don’t want to trouble you. Go back to sleep, honey. I’ll be quiet." You pushed his middle, convincing him, but he stood there and didn’t budge an inch.

"Then let’s get you something to eat." Your hand in his middle was grabbed as he left a peck on your palm before pushing you to walk ahead of him.

"What do you want to eat?" He asked, peeking behind your hand as you checked through the rows of chocolates in the fridge. "Chocolates?" 

"I need something savoury." You mumbled, and he trailed behind as you moved to the drawers. "Ah, this!" 

Charles’ frowned when you picked out a pick-coloured instant noodle out of the drawer that was fully stacked with your favourite food, one that was too spicy for him.

"At this hour?!" 

"Yes!" You squealed, controlling your excitement that was gone as soon as you looked at him.

"Baby, I don’t think you should eat that right now." He pressed his lips, looking away from seeing your eyes. When he touched you earlier, your body was still warm, but it wasn’t as bad as it was hours ago. Judging from your face, it seemed to him that your headache was gone too, without having to ask you how you felt.

"Please! Just for tonight!" You pleaded.

"Alright, fine. But no more instant food for this week." His yawn that he had been holding in slipped through at the end of his sentence.

"Go back to sleep, honey. You're going to fall asleep standing at this point. I can cook these noodles myself." You patted the cheeks, chuckling. You felt bad for waking him up, but he kept on turning a deaf ear to your words.

"It’s okay. I’m keeping you accompanied." He moved closer, making you face the boiling water on the induction, so he could hug you from behind with his head resting on your shoulder. "If I fall asleep, you can keep me standing straight."

"Do you want some?" You poured in the powder that came along with the noodles after you drained the water.

"I’m okay, baby. Thank you for asking." He buried his face on the side of your neck, which made you giggle as the hot breath tickled on your skin. "Oh, but I do want the seaweed. Do you still have it?"

"Yeah! It’s up there, I think."

"I’ll wait for you on the couch." He leaned in to kiss your cheek while ambling in front of the television, with the seaweed snack in hand.

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"Charles! Have you broken up with the girl?" Louis came, hand slapping on the driver’s shoulder as he took a seat by his side. He had been seeing Charles on his own for the past two events.

"What? No! Never, dude. She’s not feeling well." Charles let out a chuckle at the idea. He had been with you his whole life. There was no way he could ever let you go.

"What’s the point of having a girl when she can’t keep you company?" Louis replied, which sounded like a sneer to the driver. "Right? Isn’t it her job to attend the events with you?"

"No." Charles laughed and tried to shrug off the topic that gradually turned heavy. "She has her own job, Louis. I don’t choose her to be my partner just for a plus one, you know. And I don’t really mind it. Events lasted only for 2–3 hours; I spent the rest of the remaining hours with her."

Louis remained quiet. He never liked you because it felt like his friend right here wasn’t able to do what he actually wanted, just because Charles was too head over heels for you.

You had been with Charles even before his lifestyle became more lavish. Charles always asked for your permission before he did anything, though you always told him it wasn’t necessary.

"Just because I earn more than you, just because you feel yourself lower than me, doesn’t mean I should ignore your rights and title as my girlfriend."

Is what he has been saying all this time. You were grateful for him, of course, but you couldn’t ignore the scowl from his friend, Louis, at times.

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Your sickness came and went. Sometimes you wake up feeling horrible, but it went away in a few hours. Sometimes it lasted for the whole day. One thing was for sure; you have been feeling drained these days. You had no problem coming home from work to do extra housechores before, but these days, you could barely lift a finger. Even sitting at the office felt like you had depleted all of your energy.

"Y/N." Charles called out, still in the same outfit he wore when he left this morning.

"Yeah..?" You slowly rubbed on your eyes, pushing your hand against the bedsheet to muster up all the strength to sit up.

"Y/N, you promised me you would clean the kitchen. Why can’t you at least clear out the used pots and plates?" You heard him sighed.

"I’m sorry. I was so tired." You mumbled, like a kid who just got told off by the mother.

"It’s not like you have to go to work! It’s the weekend." Charles’ voice went a little higher, clearly frustrated. "You were doing fine this morning."

"I know. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m so sorry." You inched closer to where he was sitting on the bed and grasped his arm. "I’ll get it done right away. Please don’t be mad."

"I’m not mad. I’m just—" He took a breath and drew your head closer to his chest. "I’m so sorry for shouting at you."

"It’s alright. I’ll get it done right now." You get off the bed, still in your blue checkered pyjamas. Your limbs were still sore, though you had been doing nothing other than laying down for the whole day.

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Week passed, Charles had another event tonight, and you promised to attend the event with him this time, considering the fact he had been left to go alone for the past 2 weeks and people started assuming he was single. No, you weren’t going because you wanted to claim he was still yours, but it had been a while since the last time you dressed up, looking pretty in a dress with your hair all curled and styled. You barely wore any makeup to the office now, ever since you hadn’t been feeling well.

The nausea came and hit again as you were going through the rows of clothes. Your feet were fast enough to drag your aching limb to the toilet. Charles headed out to pick up his suit earlier, and he was looking excited when you told him you would be coming with him.

But it seemed like you had to break the promise again. You were so sleepy, your headache came back again. Standing up was so agonising that you were left sitting on the bathroom’s floor for the longest time ever before pushing yourself to lay down on the bed.

"Y/N, you should get ready. We shouldn’t be late." Charles muttered, a little pissed off at the fact that you chose to go to sleep instead of getting ready.

Y/N," Charles called out, more stern this time.

"Charles, I don’t think I can go tonight."

"There you go again. What the fuck is your problem, Y/N? I swear to God, it felt like you were doing this on purpose." The phone in his hand was slammed on the bed, making you flinch. "Do you have any problems that you don’t want to tell me? Is this all an act?"

"What—what do you mean? I’m really not feeling well. My whole body aches." Your brows knitted together, and the drowsiness was gone a little from being accused of such nonsense by your own boyfriend. The boyfriend who had been with you for more than 5 years

"Yeah, right. It’s just the same fucking thing. You woke up feeling all fine, making these promises here and there, and then all of a sudden, oh, I’m sick. Bullshit." You caught him scowling at you as he took his stuff and slammed the bedroom door on his way out.

You wanted to argue with him; you wanted to defend yourself, telling him he was wrong, but you were so sleepy, and it didn’t take long enough for you to fall back to your dreamland, forgetting those hurtful comments thrown at you for a little while.

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"What is it this time? Your sick girlfriend finally  died?" Louis came, laughing after seeing his friend, still alone but this time with no smile on his face.

Charles didn’t say anything. He knew Louis wasn’t really fond of his girlfriend despite years of being together, but he had too much on his mind right now to say anything.

"She’s still sick? What kind of sickness does she have?" Louise laughed in a mocking way.

The driver remained quiet.

"You really came just to show that sullen face around here?" Louis squeezed Charles’ shoulder a little harder as he looked around. "I can introduce you to someone. She came alone." 

"Eryn!" 

Charles looked up, looking at the area where his friend was focusing.

"This is Eryn. Eryn, Charles. Pretty sure you know who he is." Louise winked at her, and she grinned, knowing very well what that look meant. "He came alone, so he needed someone to talk with. You can be his companion." Eryn took over Louise’s spot as he left with a smirk on his face.

Charles remained quiet, not replying to any of the woman’s questions. He wasn’t actually there. His head was replaying every word he said earlier, rewinding the scene just to take a good look at your pale face, and every time his head put the clip back to rewind, his heart was slowly wrapped in penitence. 

Why did you do that to her, Charles?

His skin felt cold when he felt the woman’s lips land on his cheek, which made him jump right away. "What the fuck?"

"You seemed to be so far away, so I’m trying to pull you back on your senses."I’m sorry!" She whined, her hand trying to grab his, but he moved away, his face looking completely vexed.

"Don’t touch me. I have a girlfriend." He stood up, teeth clenched from trying to hold his anger.

"She’s not here!" Eryn held on to his arm, trying to stop him from walking away. "You should try to have some fun!"

"Have fun with someone else. I’m going home." 

"Louise told me you needed someone!" Eryn pulled Charles back onto his seat, clutching on to his arm so he wouldn’t leave and humiliate her in front of everyone.

"I never said that." He glowered at her suspiciously. "I never said that. She’s enough for me. She’s all I need." He never imagined having someone else by his side other than you; he could never imagine you being with someone else. The thought of you smiling and laughing with a man other than him killed him inside.

"Where are you going?" Eryn yelled, seeing Charles walk away. He never bothered to answer the question.

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The house was silent when he came home. It was looking exactly like it was when he left, so he knew you were still in bed. It was tiring because it seemed like you passed every house chores to him, letting go of every bit of your responsibility in the house. It had been a week since you asked for a leave of absence, while he had to go out and travel back and forth from Monaco to Maranello, so he was expecting you to at least lift a finger to help him.

Charles cursed under his breath after taking a glance at his reflection in the mirror. The lipstick stain on his cheek was rubbed off roughly as he wet his hands with the tap water. It was demeaning to you as his girlfriend if you ever saw him with a lipstick stain from another girl.

Unknowingly to him, his name and yours were already all over the gossip pages after the pictures were taken.

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"Morning, baby." Charles beamed, feeling your arms snake around his waist from the back. He woke up early this morning to clean up the house and got everything done before you woke up. The crestfallen feelings from last night were gone; all he cared about now was for you to be the first person he saw when he woke up. "I made you breakfast. I'm pretty sure this one was going to taste better than my last attempt."

His laugh was unsupported. Your arms around him became more secure as you planted your face against his back.

"Y/N?" You kept quiet, too wounded to reply. "Hey, what’s wrong?"

The phone in your hand was taken away, leaving your shaky hands empty as he looked at the screen.

"Y/N—"

"How could you do this to me?" Your voice trailed off.

"No, listen to what I have to say. It’s not what you think it is."

Charles’ hand that hovered on your cheek was shoved away as you wiped your own tears. "Who is she?"

"Eryn. Louise’s friend. Look, I didn’t know—"

"I trusted you!" You howled, hands clenched into a fist as you punched his chest, again and again as you sobbed.

"I was alone! You weren’t there with me, so I—"

"So you let her kiss you?" It hurt. It hurt so bad to see the guy you loved break every bit of trust you had.

"It wouldn’t happen if you were there with me." Charles muttered. He knew it was his part to calm you down and give you reassurance, but part of him felt like it was unfair for the blame to be on him alone. You should have been there with him.

"Charles, I was sick!" You cried. He sounded so distant.

"And I was lonely, Y/N! I barely saw your face, though we lived in the same house. We stopped watching movies together and stopped making dinner together. I miss you! Sometimes I don’t even remember your existence in this house. Just tell me the truth. Are you tired of us?"

"Stop turning this on me! I wasn’t feeling well, and you know it. I didn’t wish to lay down all the time." Your gaze went to his face, pleading for him to see your reason.

"Bullshit." He scoffed and turned his back on you. The grip he had on the kitchen counter was hard, making every vein in his hand more visible. "You didn’t go to work; you didn’t do shit for days. I was the one who did everything in this fucking house, Y/N! I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you to be so fucking useless."

Some of the tears dropped on your feet, and some of them started decorating the porcelain. "I did what I could in the house, but there were times when..." You stopped when you felt like you were choking on your tears. "There were times where I got so tired, Charles. I got so tired that I just wanted to lay down, and I—"

"You did nothing, Y/N! Nothing! Whenever I came home, you would be sleeping, leaving everything behind for me to clean. Am I your fucking slave? Using my money alone isn’t enough; you have to make me bow down and get on my knees to praise you like a god? Is that what you want from me?"

"I’m sorry.." You went from standing right on his back to a few feet away, unable to look at his raging eyes that were perforating you.

"Yeah, that’s the only thing you could say. How does it feel to win the fucking lottery in your life? I know you don’t actually want to work but didn’t want to make it seem too obvious that you were using me for wealth and fame. Guess that wasn’t enough that you have to make me do everything in the house that you didn’t spend a dollar on, the house that I paid for." He walked away; the scrambled eggs he was making earlier were left forgotten on the stove.

"Charles, that wasn’t my intention." You trailed his steps, hand went to grab his arm as it felt like he was trying to walk away from your life.

"Everything you have on you right now is my money. Your necklace, your bracelet, and your ring. That shirt you are wearing. Everything. I just want you to stop using me for your benefit, Y/N. I came home and went to sleep with no touch or kisses from you. I didn’t even have anyone to talk with about my day. At this point, it’s just worthless of you to keep on being in my life." Charles’ expression went hard. He didn’t know where the thought came from, but he knew how bad the damage was the moment those words slipped off his lips.

"I’ll give back everything." You murmured, taking heavy steps in front of the man you love. "I’m sorry for being a burden." You took his clenched fist and opened it, placing the ring he had given to you on our first anniversary five years ago on his palm. The bracelet with a butterfly charm that you got as a graduation gift was unhooked as you put it with the ring on his palm. You could never forget his sweaty face from chasing the flight back home just to make it on time for your graduation. How he was so nervous to put the bracelet on you with his hands shaking in front of your parents.

"Can you... help me take this one off?" Your long hair was gathered in one hand as you turned your back on him, begging him to take off the bracelet that you were so happy with when you first got it. The bracelet that he gifted for you when he got to join Formula 1. Funny how it was him who achieved something, but you were the one who got a gift. Guess it was true when he said you were using him for your own benefits.

But the bracelet that you had worn with pride and contentment now felt like it burned your skin the longer you left it on.

His hand that was shaking when he first put the bracelet on you, the hand that was shaking out of excitement and nervousness, was now shaking again as he took the necklace off. 

but this time it was out of fear and uncertainty about what was to come next.

You weren’t able to look at him because your cheeks were drenched in tears. If your skin could soak up every tear that had dropped from your eyes, it would have reached its limit by now. You heard him weep, but you didn’t dare to bring your gaze up. If being in front of him right now made him feel humiliated and made him bend forward even more from the weight load that you brought, then it would be better for you to just step out and let him go.

"I’m sorry for everything." It was useless to wipe your eyes only for them to shed more tears after, but you still did it. You wiped the tears and left a peck on his wet cheek before you made your way to the room. It didn’t take long for you to pack your things together because, like he said, everything you had on was his. He stood there, eyes on his palm, when you walked out with your luggage. His shirt that you had worn before was put in the laundry bag, afraid he would find it disgusting if you just left it anywhere else.

And you left him. You left the house that had become your home for years. All because of your sickness.

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"When will they discharge you?" Your best friend, Lia, looked back, toning down her voice so she wouldn’t get caught by your boss for loafing around. "I’m so bored in here without you."

"Tomorrow!" You squealed and covered your mouth when she asked you to keep quiet. "I’ll be out tomorrow! But I’ll start working in 2 days."

"I can’t wait to see you! Just let me know whatever you are craving, and I’ll get it done!" She winked.

"I want your brownies! The one with strawberries that you used to bring for lunch.” You rested your hand on your middle.

"You got it!" She confirmed with a grin and looked back right away when there were steps coming. You laughed, seeing her not-so-sneaky attempt to video call you during work, but you hadn���t been able to talk to her for days, so she couldn’t wait for another hour to spill all the tea you had been missing.

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"Charles!" Lia greeted the taller man with baskets full of ingredients. She had stopped by the supermarket to get all the things needed to make her brownies that you were craving when she bumped into the driver in the cereal aisle.

"Lia. It’s been a while. How are you?" Charles grabbed the cereal box in front of him and put it in the basket along with his other stuff.

"Good! How are you? It must be very exciting, isn’t it? I mean, I have no relation to her at all, but I’m still so, so excited; that was all I could think of for this week." Lizzy shook her shoulders, trying so hard not to scream.

"I don't—I don’t get it?" Charles mumbled, slow enough that it didn’t get to capture Lia's attention as she remained in her own bubble, looking so elated about something she just mentioned. "That’s a lot of things you got there." He then changed the topic; his gaze went to the basket she was holding.

"Ah, it’s for Y/N! I hope she doesn’t give you a hard time with her pregnancy cravings, Charles. It won’t be that long; just bear with it. The excessive morning sickness was harsh enough." Lia blurted, looking down as she remembered how horrible you looked when you were hospitalised for hyperemesis gravidarum.

Charles felt like his heart just dropped to his stomach. If Lia walked away right at this moment, he was so sure his legs would give away.

"If you feel like she’s too much or you are too tired to satisfy all her needs and cravings, please let me know. I can help you in bits and pieces. If she wants a banana cake at 3 AM and you are too exhausted, call me. I can bake one and send it to your house right away. I do understand your career and ours; mine and Y/N’s were totally different, so I’ll help you as much as I can. If you need to fly away, please don’t leave her alone. Send her to me. She’s my best friend. She’s always welcome at my house." 

Charles tilted his face away from Lia, facing the colourful boxes of cereals, to stop his tears from slipping down. His hand, which was wrapped around the hoops of the basket, nearly slipped off.

Lia chuckled and wiped away her tears, feeling slightly embarrassed for shedding tears in front of the driver. "I’m so sorry, I got so emotional. I’ll get going first. Bye, Charles! Make sure Y/N gets home safely from the hospital tomorrow! I’ll smack you if anything happens to her."

Soon as Lia was gone from the aisle, Charles took his phone out. Fingers hovered on your contact name, the only contact that was saved with a heart emoji.

What have I done?

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

Two pairs of eyes were looking at each other when they heard the bell ring. They weren’t expecting anyone, not even a visitor, considering their only daughter had just come back from her week-long stay in the hospital.

"Open it."

"You go." Mrs. Y/L/N pushed her husband towards the door as she hurried back on the couch, ignoring the look from the man.

"Mr. Y/L/N." Charles stood straight when the door opened, and his eyes landed on the older man.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" The tone was unwelcoming.

"I—can I see Y/N?"

"She’s asleep. Come back tomorrow." The older man was going to shut the door before his wife called out, feet approaching those two men who were wrapped in frosty air.

"Come in, Charles. I was going to wake her up for her medicine, but I guess you could do that for me." The soft, caring tone of the older woman reminded him so much of the girl he loved.

"Can I go to her room? If you don’t mind." Charles gulped, ignoring the eyes of the older man.

"Of course! It’s not your first time in here, honey. Come in." The older woman assured before drawing the driver inside the house, asking him to go straight to your room before her husband could say anything.

"I’m not taking the blame if she doesn’t want to talk to us." The older man said, locking the front door.

"He is still the father of the child." 

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

When Charles walked in, he saw you sitting up, hand on your middle that hadn’t shown much of a shape yet, as you turned your body around to let your legs hang off the bed. It seemed like you didn’t realise he was in the room based on the lack of reaction he got. He stood there, seeing your back, while your hands were busy scanning through the medicines in the dark. He felt the heartache again, the same one he felt at the supermarket in front of Lia. He heard you hum, your body subtly trembling as you swung your legs, your hands still busy going through the tonnes of medicines in hand.

"Y/N.." 

Your whole body stopped moving, your voice was gone when you heard it. The voice you had been missing, longing to hear him call out your name,

Charles quickly grabbed one of the medicine packs that nearly fell off your laps and kneeled down in front of you. He took all the medicines you had in hand and flicked on the bedside lamp so he could see your face.

And again, there was no difference from the last time he saw you. Your face was damp with tears. The smooth, pink lips were quivering from trying to keep your cry silent.

He was staring at your face for too long for him to realise that there were trails of tears forming on his cheeks as well. "Which one— which one do you need?" He brought his gaze down, scanning the names of the medicines in his hand.

"I need pyridoxine, promethazine, and metoclopramide." The tears that rolled off your eyes ended up hanging off your jawline.

Charles wiped off the tears hanging from the lower edge of your jaw before he searched through the packaging, putting aside the ones you mentioned. The glass jug that was on the bedside table was taken before you could extend your arm.

"Thank you." You muttered; your arm sleeve was used to wipe your wet lips.

Charles brought up his hand, pulling it back before he rested it on your middle. "Can—can I?"

You nodded.

He brought and stroked his hand on your belly as his tears dropped when you placed your hand on his. "How long?"

"3 months."

"How long have you known?" He looked up, his gaze went back on yours.

"Around 2 weeks ago. Mom brought me to the hospital when I lost consciousness, only to find out we were going to have a baby." You managed to smile at the end of your words, excited to bring the fruit of your love to the world.

We. Charles bit his lips, head dipped down, thinking back on what he had done, yet you were still acting fine, smiling, and addressing the pregnancy as his as well, despite all the horrible things he said to you.

"Lia said you were hospitalised. What happened?" He cupped his hand on your kneecap.

"My morning sickness was too severe; they had to keep me in the hospital because I was too dehydrated and had imbalanced mineral levels in my blood. But I’m all good now. The baby is healthy too." You wiped the fresh tears from your boyfriend’s cheeks.

"Why didn’t you call me?"

"I don’t want..." The next words were stuck in your throat, and the memory from that night came back into your mind.

You don’t want to be a burden to him. He knew that was what you wanted to say. "I’m sorry—"

"I’m sorry.." You said it at the same time. "I’m sorry for being a burden to you. You deserve to be happy, Charles."

"You make me the happiest person on earth, Y/N. Even if I’m not happy with my life, I still want you to be with me, just like you always have. Everything I said that night, I didn’t mean any of it. I didn’t know why I felt so lonely. I missed you so much that I became frustrated. It doesn’t excuse any of my words, I know." Charles’ head was on your lap as you brushed your fingers through the soft curls of his hair. He was still crying. You knew it when some of tears dropped on your skin.

Charles rarely cried. Maybe it was true what your mom had been saying.

"About Eryn, she—" Charles’ was about to continue his words, but you interrupted, which made him lift his head from your lap.

"I know." You smiled, seeing his wet eyelashes. "I know about her. Louis called me and explained everything. It was my fault for doubting you."

"No. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a terrible boyfriend. I shouldn’t have stayed with her that night. I should have left; I should have gone home to you."

"Even if you left her, she would still follow you around. Louis confessed to me, saying that he forced her to do things to you because he hated me." You cupped on the cheeks, your lips still curled into a smile, seeing the man in front of you.

"Louis..said that?" He had brought you to meet his friends a few times but never realised any loathing or hatred from any of them. To him, his friends never had any problems with you. His old friends, at least. Louis was one of the guys he met through a mutual a year ago and joined the group a few months after that. You never said anything to him either, so he didn’t want to accuse anything, though he did realise you were uncomfortable whenever Louis came up to him.

"But I realised how much he actually loves you. I was wrong for that. I’m really sorry, Y/N. What Eryn did was all because I asked her to. I asked her to flirt him, kiss him if needed, do anything that could break your trust on him. " Louis admitted feeling dreadful for what he did to his own friend.

"And I think I know why you have been feeling like that." You mumbled, leaning against his touch on your cheek.

"Like what..?"

"Stand up..you’ll hurt your knees." You pulled, or at least tried to make him stand, as he cautiously took a seat by your side, and you finally hugged him, your head against his chest.

"I know why you felt so lonely and frustrated." You closed your eyes as he cradled your head. "Mom said you could be having couvade syndrome." 

"And what does that even mean? Do I need to get myself checked? Is there any treatment?"

"No. It’s just something that some expectant fathers would experience." You sat up straight and giggled.

"You mean, from the pregnancy?" His hand went back to your belly.

"Yeah. One of those symptoms is attention seeking." 

"Are you saying I was attention-seeking?"Hm?" He pinched your nose as he laughed along with you. He did feel like you didn’t love him because you kept on ignoring him, and he found himself getting mad because you didn’t touch or kiss him like you used to because you fell asleep before him. "It kind of made sense, though." 

"You still should have told me what you were actually feeling. I can’t read mind..”

Charles smiled, seeing your adorable expression with your pursed lips. "I know, baby. I know. That was totally my fault, and I am so, so sorry for what I did. I totally get it if you need some time. Just, please come back to me when you are ready."

"No.." You whined, his head was tugged closer, and you hugged him by the neck. "You can’t leave me again."

"I’m not, love. I just thought you needed some time." He stayed in your embrace; arms went around your waist.

"I don’t need that. I just want you to be with me. You can’t leave me." 

"Hey—" Charles pulled away when he heard you start sobbing and cupped your cheeks so you would look at him.. "I’m not leaving you, sweetheart."

I guess it was true what his friend went through.

"Dude, my girlfriend has acted like a freaking child ever since she got pregnant. She’s so adorable, I’m telling you." Nico grinned from ear to ear, thinking about his pregnant girlfriend at home.

"Yeah, right." Charles laughed, not denying it but not agreeing with it either.

"I’m serious! Girls get extra sensitive when they get pregnant; it’s like taking care of a child."

The driver only shrugged, his lips still smiling.

"You’ll know when Y/N gets pregnant." 

"Ah, I brought this back." He grabbed the small jewellery box he carried with him earlier and took out all the gifts that belonged to you. "Will you take these back, please? I know what I said was harsh, and it made me sound like a miser, but when I bought these for you, there wasn’t any point in my life where I ever thought of the price or you returning them to me if we ever broke up. I bought them because they reminded me a lot about you. I can’t keep them, and I don’t want to keep any of them. I want to see you wearing it. I want to see you show them off to everyone. How beautiful you looked with it." Charles saw your empty stare and pressed his lips, understanding the look very well. "But..it’s okay if you don’t want to. I’ll just keep it safe."

"I don’t want you to break up with me.." You gave a whimper of protest.

"Y/N, that’s not what I meant." Everything he said earlier was ignored, and you only caught the words ‘break up’.

"But you said it.."

"I know, but—that wasn’t my point. I’m not breaking up with you." He smiled when you started weeping again.

Is this what Nico had to go through when his girlfriend got pregnant? It is indeed so fucking adorable.

"Promise?"

"Promise, love.” He brushed your hair away from sticking all over you face and kissed your forehead. “Can I put these back on you?"

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

"I told you it was couvade!" Mrs. Y/L/N jabbed her husband’s chest with her elbow, both pairs of eyes still peeking through the door of their daughter’s bedroom.

"How did you know? Rough guess?" He replied.

"Because I know my future son-in-law very well! He wouldn’t do any of that for no reason. Have you ever seen our daughter cried ever since Charles came into her life? No! And you had it too when I was pregnant with Y/N." 

"That’s enough. Let’s just leave them alone." Mr. Y/L/N tugged on his wife’s hand, whispering.

"What if they do something inappropriate?"

"She’s pregnant. It’s too late to think about that." He laughed, taking the steps away first, followed by his wife.

✧.* general tag list! @i83andrew @cltrlne @karmabyfernando @ohthemisssery @ru-kru @tastebaldwin @f1obessed @love4lando @shinrjj @ietss @leclerc13 @darleneslane @buckybarnessweetheart @xcinnamongirl @boiohboii @formula1mount @judespoision @alwaysclassyeagle @scenesofobx @mrsmaybank13 @vildetry06 @harriesgolden

If your usernames were crossed, meaning I can’t tag you! Let me know if you would like to be removed or to be added to the tag list! Or if I missed anyone!

[gunnerfc]

Consequences | Katie McCabe x Arsenal!Reader (18+)

Summary: Katie overhears you claiming to be the more dominant one in the bedroom and has to put you in your place

Warnings: semi-public sex (not the whole fic), edging, fingering (r receiving), teasing from Katie, strap use (r receiving), Katie calling r “good girl” and “slut”, strap sucking

WC: 2.7K

AN: posting this a bit later than I originally planned </3 

You were sat at a table in a loud pub with Steph, Lia, and Beth laughing at some of your teammates butcher a Taylor Swift song in a round of karaoke. Arsenal had just won the Conti Cup final and everyone decided that getting drinks and celebrating together was the best thing to do. You giggled to yourself watching Katie forget all the lyrics when it was her turn to sing, knowing it was definitely the alcohol she had consumed. 

Lia’s eye caught the love in your eyes as you stared at your girlfriend with a bright smile. “You and Katie are really cute! It’s sweet seeing how different she is off the pitch with you,” the midfielder all but shouted over the loud music. You tore your eyes from the group at the front of the room, Steph and Beth offering words of agreement with Lia.

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol coursing through your veins, but you felt like being a bit messy. Perhaps scoring the winning goal was affecting you more than you thought. “Please, Katie is nothing like how she is on the pitch, you’d be surprised at what I could get her to do,” you smirked, throwing your teammates a teasing wink as you took a sip of your drink.

“That’s a bit surprising, you don’t have a commanding bone in your body, babe,” Beth laughed as she sipped her drink. You gasped dramatically at her words, earning a laugh from Steph and Lia as well. 

“Yeah, Y/N/N, you won’t even argue with a ref when you have the right to,” the Aussie added more insult to injury. You knew they were right, and you definitely knew Katie was the dominant one in your relationship, but hearing how your friends didn’t think you could be made you eager to continue the lie.

“I’ll have you three know that Katie is not the same person at home,” you huffed. While trying to convince your friends about something you knew to be untrue, you failed to realize your teammates who were doing karaoke had made their way back to the table. Others were still at the bar, chatting among themselves where they could actually hear each other.

None of you noticed the sly smirk on Katie’s face as she overheard your conversation. She found it entertaining that you thought you could be in charge in the bedroom, and it was even more comical that your teammates didn’t really believe you. 

“You good, babe,” Katie said as she took her seat next to you, a teasing glint in her eye when you jerked your head toward her. 

“Hi, baby! You sounded so good up there,” you knew she heard you just by the way she was looking at you and you knew she wouldn’t let you live it down. Katie laughed at your praises, you were in for it when the two of you got home. Though, a part of Katie wanted to tease you about your comments now, rather than wait. 

Katie waited until your teammates were distracted with new conversations before she leaned closer to whisper in your ear. “Meet me in the bathroom in a minute, love,” her accent laced with command, knowing you would listen. You nodded your head subtly as she stood from the table and headed towards the bathrooms. 

You let your teammates return to their conversations so they wouldn’t notice you were leaving the table as well. Your breathing picked up as you walked towards the bathroom, your heart was breathing against your chest as desire filled your body. You didn’t think Katie was going to be nice enough to give an orgasm so soon, but who were you to complain about your girlfriend making you cum.

The bathrooms were empty aside from the Ireland captain leaning against one of the stalls. The stall wasn’t the best size to do anything but seeing Katie’s smirk with a slight head tilt as she pushed the door in some, you didn’t care how small it was. You quickly entered the small cubicle, Katie joining you as she locked the stall, not that it really mattered. 

Before you could even plead your case, your girlfriend’s lips were on yours in a heated kiss. Your mouth moved against hers, Katie easily gaining dominance over you. You were grateful her lips were on yours as a loud moan threatened to escape your mouth. Katie’s hands held your waist tightly as she pushed you against the side of the stall. Your hands moved to wrap around her shoulders as your hips started rolling against her.

Katie pulled back when she felt your hips moving, her hands pushing you further against the siding to stop their movements. “What do you think you're doing, love,” she asked, fake confusion gracing her features. 

“Please, Katie! I’m sorry for lying to them, please just do something,” you whined lowly, hoping she would decide to be a bit nicer tonight. Katie laughed softly at your words, this was just the beginning for her. 

“Since you asked nicely,” she smirked as she moved one of her hands to the buttons on your jeans, easily undoing them without a second thought. Your heart was thumping against your chest in anticipation, waiting for her fingers to reach where you needed her most. 

You tilted your head back against the siding of the stall as Katie traced a finger over the top of your underwear leaving a blazing trail against your cool skin. You tried to jerk your hips forward but her hand that remained on your waist kept you from doing so. Just as you were about to beg again, Katie’s hand dipped under the waistband and ran up and down your dripping core.

The defender didn’t give you a warning before two of her fingers pushed into you. You had to control your volume as she moved her hand, thrusting lightly into you. Katie set a slow pace as she worked her fingers inside you and leaned forward to attach her lips to your exposed neck. One of your hands moved to tangle in her hair as she sucked harsh bruise-like marks along the side and column of your neck.

“Do ya enjoy this, you lyin’ slut,” she mumbled against your skin as kissed up toward your jaw. Your eyes rolled back at her words mixed with the agonizingly slow thrust of her fingers. You knew she wasn’t looking for an answer, she just wanted you to know your place. 

Begging for her to go fast would get you nowhere, knowing Katie she would stop altogether if you asked for more. Through heavy breaths and low moans, you focused on how close you were to coming. Katie could sense you were close, she’d given you enough orgasms to know how to read your body for signs. But she wasn’t going to let you off the hook that easy.

Just as you were about to cum, Katie pulled her fingers out of your tight cunt. You cried out at the loss of contact just as you were about to let go but Katie paid you mind as she redid the buttons on your jeans. As you opened your mouth to complain, her fingers that were previously inside you were shoved in your mouth. She didn’t have to tell you what to do as you sucked her fingers clean, moaning at the taste of yourself on them.

“Since you’re in a lying mood tonight, love, go tell the girls you don’t feel well and we’re gonna head home,” Katie ordered with a menacing smirk on her face as she pulled her fingers from your mouth. 

You didn’t speak, only nodding your head obediently. The quicker you could leave, the quicker you could get home and Katie would let you cum. Katie let go of your waist and moved so you could exit the stall first. You made your way back to the table a bit uncomfortably, you were beyond dripping and it was driving you crazy.

“Hey guys, I think we are gonna head out, I’m not feeling too good,” you spoke over the loud music, hoping you were convincing the team. A few of them made an ‘aw’ sound while others wished you well. Katie quickly waved goodbye to the team as you joined her at the entrance. You were in for a long car ride full of even more teasing.

When you reached Katie’s car she quickly opened the door for you, giving you a big grin when you got in the car. A minute later the two of you were off, heading back to your shared apartment. Katie had one hand on the steering wheel and the other held tightly to your thigh, squeezing it every so often.

“It’s not nice to lie to your friends, y’know,” the defender spoke, not even sparing you a glance. You took a deep breath as you prepared yourself for the remarks she was going to make.

“Not gonna respond, are we, love,” she chuckled as she stopped at a red light. Katie turned her head in your direction, watching your chest heave and your thighs attempting to rub against each other. She tightened her grip on your thigh, stopping you from succeeding in finding a bit of relief.

“I could,” you mumbled softly, “be in charge,” you finished with a deep breath. The lack of contact where you needed it most was getting to you and you weren’t sure how long you could last whenever Katie decided to finally give in.

Katie laughed sarcastically at your words as the light turned green and she took off. “You heard Steph if you can’t argue with a ref when you should, what makes you think you’d be able to boss me around,” the Ireland captain taunted with a grin.

You knew she was right but a small part of you believed that you could if you were given the chance. Though tonight would not be that night. The rest of the car was silent, Katie’s hand stayed on your thigh and you felt yourself growing wetter by the second.

You said a silent thank you when you pulled up to your apartment building, thankful that you were a bit closer to an orgasm. You and Katie rode the elevator in silence, both of you going over what was about to happen when you got inside your apartment. 

Katie quickly unlocked the door and you were pulled inside at lightning speed. Your back met the door roughly once it was closed and Katie’s lips were on yours once again. She easily won control of the kiss, you were too desperate to fight her. You let your girlfriend guide you through the apartment, her lips never leaving yours. 

When you reached the bedroom is when you were given the chance to breathe again. Katie pulled back from you before she all but shoved you toward the bed. “Be a good girl and strip,” her strong voice echoed around the room and she didn’t bother to watch as she moved toward the nightstand to get the girthy strap she liked to use when she deemed you to be ‘bad,’ 

You quickly got out of your clothes, tossing them wherever you could. You stood at the foot of the bed, naked and ready for the next order from the defender. Katie took her time taking off her own clothes and getting the toy situated around her hips. When she was done, she joined you at the foot of the bed while her eyes took in your naked form.

“Knees,” was all she ordered and you dropped to the carpeted floor. Katie held the toy near the end, holding it up toward your mouth and without needing further instruction, you took the toy into your mouth. 

You hollowed your cheeks as you sucked, taking the toy as far as you could before you started gagging. Katie had her hands in your hair while she rocked her hips forward, helping the toy go further down your throat. You were dripping down your thighs, and having Katie fuck your throat was affecting you greatly.

After a few minutes, Katie let go of your hair as she pulled the toy from your mouth. A string of saliva connecting your lips to the toy drew a deep groan from the woman standing above you. You waited on your knees for your girlfriend to tell you what to do before she motioned to the end of the bed.

You moved off the floor quickly as you lay on the bed, letting your legs dangle off the end. Katie used her foot to kick your legs open and you moaned lowly at the cool feeling on your wet cunt. Katie moved in between your legs and pulled them up to wrap around her waist. 

The defender ran the tip of the toy through your folds, teasingly pushing it in a little bit. You whined at the feeling, it wasn’t enough and if something didn’t happen soon you were going to cum around nothing. Katie lined the toy up with your cunt before she pushed it in, using her hips to push it further into you. Her hands held your hips tightly and she didn’t waste any time before her hips snapped against yours.

Your hands held the top cover in a tight grip, your knuckles turning white as loud moans spilled from your lips. Katie’s movements didn’t start slow, she immediately started pounding into you quickly. “Good girls don’t lie, bad sluts do. Are you a bad slut,” your girlfriend questioned as her skin hit yours.

You couldn’t formulate a sentence, high-pitched moans were too busy escaping your mouth. Katie squeezed your hips as she angled her hips slightly to hit that familiar spot inside you. A loud gasp echoed off the walls at the feeling, if she kept hitting that spot you were going to be coming soon. 

“I-I’m sorry! I’ll be a good girl! P-please let me cum,” you croaked out in between moans, tears falling down the sides of your face. 

“I don’t think you deserve to cum,” Katie said as she moved one of her hands to push down on your lower stomach. Your moans turned to cries as you felt an orgasm about to wash over you. 

“P-please, Katie! Let me cum,” you cried out as the familiar coil in your stomach started to break. You tried to hang on as long as possible, knowing if you came without permission, you were going to get punished for it.

Katie’s movements sped up as she pushed down on your stomach and held on tightly to your hip. She kept a steady pace as the sound of her skin slapping against yours and the wet sounds of your dripping cunt filled the room. Katie wanted to make you suffer for lying to your friends but the sight of you fucked out and coming was something she couldn’t pass up.

“Be a good girl and cum for me,” the defender growled, eyes locked on your face watching your expression as you let go.

Your orgasm sent shockwaves through you as your back arched off the bed and your head was thrown back. You came all over the toy attached to Katie’s hips but that didn’t stop her movements. She kept her pace the same as was determined to pull another orgasm from you. 

You cried at the overstimulation but the cries quickly turned to moans at the feeling of being full. Your second orgasm of the night hit you quickly, cum dripping down both your and Katie’s thighs. Katie slowed her movements, letting you calm down for a minute before pulling out of you completely and unwrapping your legs from her body. 

“Move up the bed and roll over, baby. We aren’t through yet,” Katie huffed out, she was going to show you just how wrong you were. 

You took a second to catch your breath before following her orders. You knew it was silly to lie to your friends over something like this but if it meant having Katie treat you like and having multiple earth-shattering orgasms back to back, then you couldn’t be too upset that she overheard you. You had a long night and felt every bit of it the next morning, but you were far from complaining about being sore.

[woso-dreamzzz]

Video II

Meadema x Baby!Reader

Summary: Munchkin vs ACLs

The first week with you is perfect.

You're a fairly well-behaved baby. You're smiley and happy and you sleep through most nights. Viv's on overnight duty though, your first week with them, because she's the only one out of the two of them with working knees.

It's absolutely perfect. You settle in well and you fit so well in Viv's arms that it must be fate.

Then...She tears her ACL.

It's like you know something's wrong because you scream and cry for days on end and Beth and Viv barely have the strength to get up to attend to your needs.

Between the two of them, they manage to pull your crib into their room, leaving it at the foot of the bed for easy access. You get less time on the floor on your sensory mat because they can't bend down properly to grab you anymore.

It's like their own personal hell.

You won't settle unless one of them is holding you. You won't settle unless one of them is moving you about.

Beth cries multiple times as she tries to soothe you as you sob until you're red in the face. Viv cries too but when she's in bed and you've just fallen asleep. She sobs into Beth's chest for hours.

It's a struggle but neither she nor Beth can imagine their lives without you in it.

They keep you to themselves for the first few weeks they have you but end up bringing you with them to rehab when they start.

"Oh, look at this cutie," Vic coos as they both hobble in," Look! Look! She's smiling at me!"

"It's gas," Beth laughs.

You're completely passed out in your pram and you smack your lips together a few times in your sleep.

"I'll take her," Lia offers," If you two want to go to the physios."

"We can keep her," Beth insists," It's fine."

"You two can barely walk," Lia reminds them," Let alone push her all the way down to the physios. Let me take her."

Beth is loath to leave you. Viv doesn't want to leave either but she knows that Lia's right.

"You'll bring her back?" Beth asks and Lia shrugs.

"I don't know. This little cutie might end up coming home with me."

"Alright," Beth laughs," That's it. I don't think we're going to let you have her."

"Go!" Lia says," You'll get her back."

Beth is a little guilty as she tries to rush through the first part of the rehab session, desperately trying to hurry everyone along so she can escape to the gym where she knows you and Lia are.

Viv's not ready for the gym just yet so she's stuck in the physios for most of the day.

Beth hobbles her way to the gym as fast as she can go. The scene that greets her is one that she suspected.

Your pram is parked right by the door, completely empty save for the changing bag hanging off a handle. You're nowhere near it, held nice and snug in Lia's arms at the very centre of the group of fawning teammates.

You make happy little snuffling noises as the team coo over you.

"I hope you washed your hands," Beth says in greeting as she heads over.

"Of course!" Katie says with a grin as she tips her pretend hat," Only the best for Viv's baby."

Beth rolls her eyes. "I get that you're the president of Viv's fan club but she's my baby too."

Katie waves a dismissive hand. "Same thing."

"Well, do I get my baby back or not?"

Leah, who has somehow taken custody of you, shakes her head. "Haven't you got stretches to be doing?"

"Haven't you?"

"I'm holding this little munchkin. She's like a little angel, mate. I'm not putting her down."

"You've only got five minutes," Steph complains," Then it's my turn."

"Don't take turns on my baby!"

Leah rolls her eyes. "This is the Arsenal baby. She's all of our baby."

"I don't see you getting up in the middle of the night for a feed."

Leah ignores her, soaking up all her time with you before begrudgingly handing you over to Steph, who takes her turn happily before moving you along the line.

Beth doesn't get you back unless it's for feedings or to change you but even those two things are done with an audience of your aunties cooing over you.

"We need to keep her away from them," Beth says softly that night as she sits in bed with Viv, you tucked up on Viv's chest taking a bottle," We'll never get her back again."

Viv laughs as she mops up some of the milk that's spilt down your chin. "I don't think it's that easy."

It's not because a few weeks later Laura moves in.

She's done her ACL too and it's like pass the baby to the most depressed person in the room. With three working knees between them, it's like playing hot potato with the you and you're very rarely out of somebody's arms.

To be honest, you seem to enjoy this greatly and, when Viv finally puts her metaphorical foot down and sets you up for tummy time, you whine and cry the entire time.

"Don't, Laura," Viv says softly when Laura moves to pick you up again," Not with your knee."

Beth's the one that's been put in charge of you, sitting next to you on your mat with her leg stretched out.

You keep whining and crying and Beth has to turn a blind eye because she knows that you're meant to be having more tummy time than you're actually getting.

It's just easier if someone's holding you now that you currently have more working knees than anyone else in the house. Usually, it's Laura who ends up holding you (not that she complains) but Viv's insisted on tummy time.

You whine a bit pitifully before it peters off when you notice that no one's coming to your rescue.

"It's alright, munchkin," Beth says softly," Just a little bit longer and then you get to nap."

You end up doing that in her arms. It's easier than hobbling through the house to place you back down in your crib. You yawn softly, your mouth making the perfect 'o' as you move around a little bit.

Your eyes flutter shut and you go completely limp and relaxed in her arms.

"The bottles are done," Viv says as she limps over," Ready to be heated up when we need them."

Beth smiles. "Munchkin's asleep too."

"So is Laura."

Beth hadn't even noticed Laura asleep too, curled up on the sofa with an arm grazing the floor.

"We're so good at this. Two knees between us and we've got everything done."

Viv rolls her eyes. "I saw you finish her tummy time early, you know. She needs to do it properly later."

"Oh, come on, Viv! She was crying!"

"You're such a pushover."

[adascore]

HAVE I NOT GIVEN ENOUGH

pairings: arsenal wfc x young!reader

warnings: crying. self-blaming. teen!reader reacting to losing against wolfsburg.

author's note: oh to be comforted by the arsenal girlies...

masterlist

•••••••

''We'll come back stronger, kid. Only the start for you.'' Caitlin patted her back before making her way to congratulate the Wolfsburg players.

The Arsenal striker stood on her own now, bathing in the misery of defeat. The worn pitch beneath Y/N's boots felt colder, a stark contrast to the warmth of anticipation that had filled the air just hours ago.

This wasn't how it was supposed to end. The set-up was perfect; Arsenal making it into the Champions League finals for the first time in over 15 years at a sold-out Emirates Stadium.

Bremer's extra time goal had ruined it all. The cheers had been replaced by a haunting silence, broken only by distant celebrations from the victorious Wolfsburg team.

The teenager was a sad sight as she tried not to burst out in tears, standing all on her own by the opposition's goalposts. The gravity of the loss weighed on her shoulders

Somehow she managed to move her feet towards the other players, going through the post-match routine: congratulating the Wolfsburg players, who in return offered their solace.

It was nice to have players like Popp express their admiration for the youngster, but in the moment she couldn't bring herself to care one bit.

''Nice goal, kid.'' Ewa Pajor patted her head, praising her opening goal of the match, the one that had kickstarted the long, grueling fight between the German and English team.

Y/N managed a weak smile, grateful for the acknowledgment.

''Hey, hey, Boneca!'' Rafaelle approached her. ''You should be proud of yourself, okay? Remember the noise in the stadium when you made that goal? Savor that feeling.'' Her Brazilian teammate told her, holding her close.

Katie noticed the interaction and decided to join them, leaving Teyah and Lia behind. ''Hey, girlie. Why the sad face? You've just made yourself a legend.'' The Irishwoman managed to genuinely laugh.

''We lost, Macca.'' A few tears escaped, but they were immediately wiped away by Katie and Rafa.

''Yeah, and it hurts. But you, baby goat, just scored in a Champions League semifinal against a club that has won this thing 2 times.'' She grinned, the pride she felt beaming off of her face as she used the playful nickname.

Y/N was pulled into a supportive hug by Katie, providing much comfort. Rafa affectionately pinched her cheek before making her way towards their other teammates.

As the huddle expanded, more teammates joined them, forming a circle of support around the young player who felt this loss harder than anyone else.

Jen held her close to her body, as if shielding her from the harsh reality of the defeat. The Scott wasn't telling her anything, just holding her as their teammates tried getting a smile out of her.

''I was like ''Yeah! Woo!'' The atmosphere was insane!'' Manu did an impression of her reaction to Y/N's opening goal.

''It's like the stadium came alive, it was so fucking crazy!'' Kaylan exclaimed, with animated hand gestures.

Y/N appreciated her teammates and their consolations. However, she couldn't escape the weight of disappointment that she felt within her. Despite their genuine efforts to coax a smile, the young player found herself unable to entertain them.

''Oh my god, you did so well, Y/N. You were amazing.'' Victoria hugged her as Jen let her go.

''Thanks, Vic.'' She mumbled on the Dutchwoman's shoulder.

The midfielder swung her from side to side. ''Don't cry, it's okay.'' She tried to comfort her younger friend.

Y/N felt another pair of hands on her back, hands that belonged to another Dutchwoman, although, this time it was not a teammate.

''Hey, meid.'' Jill greeted her, and Y/N pulled away from Vic, who said something in Dutch to her patriot.

''There's gonna come a day where you're gonna lift that trophy, okay? You've grown so much.'' Her former teammate praised her.

The teenager nodded. ''Thanks, Jilly.''

Jill planted a kiss on her head, bidding goodbye as she joined her teammates again in their celebrations.

As Victoria pulled Y/N back into her embrace, the teenager's gaze caught sight of the approaching figures of Kim, Leah, Beth, and Vivianne.

The teenager skillfully transitioned from hugging Victoria, gently slipping away as the crowd dispersed. She made her way to the bench, where the atmosphere was more peaceful as most people were scattered around the pitch.

As she settled on the bench, Y/N took a deep breath, her emotions threatening to surface. Before she could fully let herself go, a familiar voice interrupted her thoughts.

''Hey, what's going on?'' Steph, observant as ever, approached with concern etched on her face.

The striker tried to mask her emotions with a forced smile. ''Just disappointed.''

Steph nodded understandingly. ''I get it. But you got us through this match, and I'm very proud of you.''

''Thanks, Stephy- you were amazing too.'' Y/N quickly reciprocated the compliment, her eyes darting around.

The Australian noticed a frown on her face. ''Hey… you okay? You look like you're having panic attack.''

At her words, Y/N looked her straight in the eyes. ''No, no! I just wanna go home, to be honest.'' It wasn't a lie. All she wanted to do was to get in the car, and lie in her bed until it was time for the next match.

Steph nodded. ''Take your time, sweetie.'' The defender joined the squad on the pitch again, leaving the young one alone.

In the distance, Beth approached Jen, her expression reflecting concern. ''Hey, Jen, have you seen Y/N?''

Jen furrowed her brow, scanning the surroundings. ''Uh, she was with Vic like a minute ago.''

''Oh, alright. How was she doing?''

The Scott pouted. ''Looked pretty torn up, as you'd expect. Some of us were trying to cheer her up, but you know the kid…'' She made some sort of gesture that indicated she was not taking it well.

''Poor thing.'' The Brit sighed.

Back on the bench, Y/N remained in solitude, staring mindlessly at nothing.

''Hiding?'' The sudden voice of Rose, their physiotherapist, made the youngster flinch.

''Jesus, Rose!'' Y/N exclaimed, her hand on her heart.

Rose chuckled, unfazed by the reaction. ''Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. You looked like you needed a moment.''

''Yeah…''

The older woman nodded at her lack of words. ''It's okay. Take all the time you need. We're doing the huddle in a minute, though, so you might want to join that.''

''Yeah, I will.'' Y/N replied.

Contemplating the upcoming huddle, Y/N's unease heightened when her eyes locked with Kim's on the pitch. The captain started walking over to her with an unreadable expression.

Unable to face the captain she respected so much, she rose from the bench, pretending she hadn't noticed Kim's approach.

Rose watched as Y/N escaped from the interaction with Kim, giving the captain a sad smile.

The teenager's eyes scanned the pitch, Gio's friendly wave caught Y/N's attention, and she decided to make her way towards her friend.

''Tough match, huh?'' She said, trying to offer some solace.

''To say the least.'' The Brit sighed, glancing down at the ground.

''You okay?'' The Brazilian asked, Y/N's darting eyes were anything but subtle.

''Yeah, I just… yeah, I'm fine.'' She stuttered, not having the heart to actually say what she was doing.

Gio could sense Y/N's unease. ''Should I get Beth or Viv?''

''No, no! Just… I don't wanna face them right now.'' She admitted.

''Why?'' The forward didn't understand, knowing how close she was with the couple.

''I just… I- I can't do it.''

Gio nodded anyway. ''Okay, stay with me then. We'll hang back a bit.''

Kathrine joined them as well, the three youngsters keeping each other company while waiting for the entire squad.

In the huddle, Y/N strategically averted her gaze, fixating on the ground beneath her feet.

As Jonas addressed the team, the weight of disappointment pressed heavily on her shoulders, and she struggled to engage fully in the moment.

''I'm proud of this team. We're standing here in a sold-out stadium, and we gave them a fight. We didn't give up and we gave our everything until the end.''

The Swede's words were a mere distant hum. Her mind replayed all the crucial moments of the match, each missed opportunity being screened in her mind.

While the team absorbed Jonas's encouragement, Y/N continued to bear the weight of her perceived failure, the applause and cheers around her a muffled backdrop to the cacophony of self-critical thoughts.

Afterwards, Lotte pulled her in an embrace. Her England teammate's presence being a source of comfort.

The Arsenal homegrowns' moment was interjected by someone grabbing Y/N's arm.

''A goal against Wolfsburg or what?'' The England captain said.

The attempt at light banter didn't quite reach her heavy heart, the teenager simply shrugging her shoulders.

Leah, perceptive as ever, sensed her teammate's unease and tried to give a sense of perspective. ''Hey, you have so much to be proud of. Look at this stadium! This is only the beginning.''

Despite the skipper's encouraging words, tears welled up in Y/N's eyes once again. The disappointment was cemented in her mind.

In the midst of her emotional turmoil, Vivianne and Beth approached, their expressions reflecting heavy concern.

Beth's eyes softened as she pulled Y/N into a gentle hug, aware of the unspoken pain lingering in the air. Vivianne placed a reassuring hand on her back, silently offering support.

''Hey, kiddo, you were absolutely brilliant.'' The elder of the two said, caressing the back of her head.

At the lack of response, she continued. ''It's okay to be upset, sweetheart. You're feeling a lot, aren't you?''

Y/N nodded, her voice catching as she struggled to articulate her feelings. The couple exchanged worried glances, realizing the impact the loss had on their young teammate.

''I'm so proud of you, you gave it your all.'' As Vivianne expressed her pride, Y/N's emotions reached a breaking point.

Sobs escaped her, and she clung tightly to her mentor, seeking refuge in the strength she had always admired.

The Dutchwoman took over from Beth, pulling the youngster even closer to her.

''I'm so sorry, Viv.'' Y/N apologized, full of guilt for not bringing the team to the Champions League final.

As she continued to apologize, Vivianne gently cupped her face and whispered reassuring words. ''Don't apologize. It's not about the result on the scoreboard. You played with your heart, and that's the most important thing.''

Y/N, overwhelmed by emotions, couldn't shake the feeling of letting down those she admired the most. ''I wanted us to win, especially for all of you who couldn't play.'' She mumbled.

''You've made all of us super proud, lieverd. It's a journey, remember? You still have a long way.'' She whispered, her own tears betraying the depth of her emotions.

Leah reached out to rest a hand on the teenager's shoulder. ''Darling, you were without a doubt one of the best players on the pitch.''

''I missed so many shots.'' Y/N stated through a sob.

''And so did the others. Don't carry this on your own, my girl.'' Leah retorted.

Beth and Lotte, recognizing the rawness of Y/N's emotions, instinctively moved to shield her from the intrusive gaze of the cameraman. ''Can you not?'' The defender furrowed her eyebrows.

The players didn't want their teammate's vulnerable moment to be exploited. Fortunately, the crew listened and moved further onto the pitch.

''I made so many mistakes.'' She continued crying. The floodgates had opened and closing them would be a difficult task.

''You didn't, darling. Like Beth said, you were brilliant.'' Leah's own eyes were now being filled with tears, Y/N's self-blame making her emotional.

Y/N shook her head at the skipper's words, hiding her face in Vivianne's neck. ''You were, listen to Leah.'' The Dutchwoman muttered, caressing her back.

''Hey, Y/N. Hey.'' Kim's voice sounded out of, seemingly, nowhere. Leah moved out of the way so the captain could get closer to the teenager. ''You've got nothing to be sad about. You played a fantastic match. Yeah, we didn't get the win, but you've made the club so proud.''

Her voice was stern, but it was a loving sternness. ''Let's go and thank the fans now. They deserve a proper thanks.'' She urged the entire group to do a lap of the pitch.

As the squad gathered together and walked around, the players waved and applauded the fans. The defeat stung, but the bond, not just between the players, but also between the players and the supporters is something special and unbreakable.

Regardless of the result, they're celebrating the players as if they did win and Y/N felt herself smile as she looked into the crowd, and seeing the Gooners experience this with them, with her.

In a quiet moment, Kim approached her again. ''You're creating something special here, Y/N. The way you've got the fans behind you… you're like their own personal star girl. Please, enjoy it,'' the midfielder patted her back, ''because this is what I want you to remember from this match.''

A teary-eyed Y/N, managed to nod her head in appreciation. ''Thanks, Kimmy.''

The pair found themselves holding hands as they continued thanking the fans. It was a beautiful image as it represented the older and new generation of Arsenal; Kim, a captain with years of experience, comforting Y/N, someone who undoubtedly was the future of the Gunners, and could potentially become a skipper in the distant future.

[wosoamazing]

Periods

Summary: you get your third period and it’s bad but Lia and Leah take care of you.

Warnings: Bad period, vomit, hints at Leah’s endometriosis (but not actually mentioned)

A/N: I understand that Lia and Leah are not together, but this is purely fiction so…. Hope you like it, also as always requests are welcome, and I am working on the current requests I have.

“Hey Y/N/N, why aren’t you up yet? The girls are coming over soon.” Beth asked, you had stayed at Beth and Viv's for the night as Leah was going out with some friends and you didn't want to be left alone.

“My stomach hurts Beth, it’s like cramping,” she furrows her eyebrows and pulls back your covers, to see a red patch underneath you.

“Oh, I think you’ve got your period, don’t worry it’s okay, it happens to all of us, there are some products in the bottom draw of the bathroom, have a shower and I’ll change the sheets for you,” she left you in the spare room, you quickly grabbed some clothes for the day and made your way to the bathroom, passing Beth in the hall.

You spent quite some time in the shower the warm water felt really nice, once you got out you put a tampon in and a pad on, you didn’t want to leak, you have only had 2 previous periods, but hadn’t leaked onto the sheets even the first time you got one, so you were more concerned than usual, after getting dressed you headed downstairs.

You had barely made it down the stairs, each step was accompanied by a stab in your lower abdomen. With each step the number of tears leaking out of your eyes increased. You walked into the living room where you could hear voices coming from, as you rounded the corner Lia saw you and her face dropped. “Oh Bug, come here” she said as she gestured for you to come sit with her, she was sat in the corner seat of the couch with her legs crossed, Steph was sat next to her, normally you would’ve resisted her offer, you didn’t like to have to have people take care of you, but in this moment you just wanted comfort preferably from your sister but Lia was the next best thing, you had seen her take care of Leah many times and sometimes Leah even asked Lia for help, especially when she had her period, and she was very good at it. So, you went over at sat in her lap. You sat horizontally to her, leaning your side into her, and placing your head into the crook of her neck, you brought your knees up to your chest and curled yourself up in hopes of reducing the pain you were experiencing.

Shortly after Beth had entered the room, holding some pains meds and your Arsenal water bottle in one hand and a hot water bottle and some sick bags in the other, you were slightly confused as to why she had those but didn’t bother to question, the girls had dealt with Leah’s periods a few times so maybe they were preparing just encase. “Here,” you sat up slightly as Beth handed you the pains meds and water bottle, she placed the sick bags next to Lia. After you swallow the pain meds, she gave you the hot water bottle which you put on your stomach before collapsing back into Lia as you let out a whimper.

“Where is Le?”

“She’ll be here soon, was just picking some things up. It’s okay, I’m here for you, anything you need at all, I know they haven’t been this bad before, but its okay” Lia told you. She practically knew everything about you, she was essentially living in your house now so it was expected.

“Do you want something to eat?” Beth asked you, you shook your head.

“You should try and eat something Kleintje, what about just a piece of toast” Viv asked

You didn't nod but you didn't shake your head either, so Viv decided to go make you a piece of toast, she lightly buttered it for you and brought it back. You managed to get through half of it before you started to feel sick, you gave it back to Viv and tried to take your mind of the sick feeling, however it only increased, you were very similar to your sister when you were sick or in pain so Lia noticed almost immediately, she got herself prepared with a sick bag trying to be as discrete as possible. You released from your ball as you gagged, Lia held the sick bag for you, and Steph rubbed your back. Once you finished you leaned back into Lia as Viv took the bag from her and said, “I’m going to call Leah,” to which everyone nodded in agreement.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, starting to cry, you try and burry yourself into Lia further, she pulls you closer and just wraps her arms around you once again, whispering “It’s okay Bug, we’ve got you” in your ear. You drift off to sleep, shortly after.

_____

You wake up in a different place, you were still lying on Lia, but in different surroundings much more familiar surrounds. You were in your own house, Lia was sitting on your couch. Lia had noticed your stir “Hey Bug, Leah is just having a quick shower, then she will be out, how are you feeling?”

“B-bad” you said as tears leaked out of your eyes.

Lia noticed you were trying to move “Where do you want to go?” “Toilet” “Okay, do you want help up?” you shake your head. You try and manoeuvre yourself out of Lia’s lap, however it was unsuccessful and your movement caused a wave of stabbing pains to course through your abdomen, your breath hitched, you felt sick, like you were going to be sick, but you couldn’t be. Lia had noticed this, the bathroom wasn’t an option, and with your pain so bad, she didn’t want to move at all, every time she breathed you whimpered ever so slightly so she knew moving to reach the bowl would be all too much, she was just glad her and Leah had the idea to put towels down on the couch. You gagged, cupping your hand to your mouth, not knowing what you were trying to achieve as there wasn’t really another option other than the one you really didn’t want to face

“It’s okay, just let it out, we can just clean it up” she said in a soft, kind and reassuring tone. You gaged again, the only difference was this time something came up, and it went on you and Lia, “It’s okay, don’t worry, I’m here” Lia said as she rubbed your back. “Oh Bug,” Leah said as she walked out just catching a glimpse of the end of the what had just unfolded, she quickly walked over and grabbed the bowl placing it front of you, you gag again and loose more of your stomach contents, thankfully this time none of it was going on you though, Lia rubbed your back while Leah spoke encouraging words in your ear. “I’m sorry” you said shaking once you were done.

“It’s okay Bug, come on let’s get you showered” she picked you up, and took you to the bathroom, once you had gotten all cleaned up and changed, Leah directed you to her room as she helped you walk, Lia was already there sitting on ‘her’ side of the bed, she had also gotten prepared, there was water, pain meds, hydrolyte, sick bags and cloths on either side of the bed. You got onto the bed and Leah followed, leaving you positioned in the middle of the two women. Lia handed you some pain meds and water which you took before curling up with the hot water bottle on your stomach. Leah was rubbing your back, hoping that eventually it might soothe you to sleep, but it didn’t, only your whimpers got worse. You let out a little cry as Leah repositioned herself on the bed, she positioned the pillows so that her upper body was just slightly propped up. “Bug, I’m going to try something, it might hurt at first, but it should help, okay?” You nod slightly, so she gently slides you so that you are resting on top of her, she pulled you up slightly too so that your head on her shoulder, the movement cause you to cry, “Oh Bug, I know I’m sorry, I love you” she kissed you on the temple before continuing “I’m going to place my hands on your stomach okay, I’ll start ever so gentle and then slowly and slightly increase the pressure, but if at anytime you want me to stop just tell me and I will,” you nod. She places her hands on your stomach just below your waistband, you can feel the warmth of her hands and your body relaxes slightly, and with that Leah starts to apply a small amount of pressure, you wince and reach out for Lia’s hand seeking comfort, she slides over from where she is on the bed to be right next to Leah, you felt her at Leah’s side and slightly moved your head, so it was resting on her shoulder. Having relaxed into the initial pressure Leah increased, you whined and tried to pull back, Leah immediately moved her hands away “Sorry Bug, do you want me to stop?” “No, it does help, but also hurts a little, but not too much, better than the other pain” “Okay, but again tell me to stop if you need” you nodded your head and she continued, she felt you relax completely when you eventually fell asleep, but she kept massaging for a few minutes just to be sure you were in a deep sleep, your hand loosened on Lia’s and that’s when she stopped knowing you were definitely asleep.

“You’re a really good sister to her you know that right?” “Yeah, I suppose, I really don’t want her to leave, but she needs to, she needs to keep developing and as much as it pains me to say it, she isn’t going to improve at arsenal, she has just been playing with us for too long now, she knows the ins and outs of us, and even every defender on other teams, she needs new competition, new play style. I just, I don’t, in a few weeks everything is going to be so different” Leah broke at the final sentence, Lia wrapped her arm around her and kissed her on the temple, before Leah rested her head in the crook of Lia’s neck, her tears slid down her face, making Lia’s neck wet as she tried to hide her emotions, this was the first time Leah had actually expressed how she felt about your move, Lia knew how she felt but Leah hadn't actually spoken to anyone about it yet. “You know its okay to cry right, you both have such a special bond, she has lived with you for the past 6 years and you lived with her for like the first 8 years of here life-” “something like that yeah” “I know it will be different, I’ll miss her too, I spend so much time with her and I basically live here now, it’s like she is my little sister. But we have each other we will get through this together okay, I love you so much Le” “I love you too Wally, and if it helps, she definitely thinks of you as a big sister, I don’t think she would’ve let any of the other girls look after her today the way she let you do willingly, and did you see her reach for your hand and relax slightly when you came closer, she loves you too Wally, and also thank you so much for taking such amazing care of her today, while I wasn’t there. Sorry you got sick on you”.

Lia made a gross face at the reminder of that “I don’t think I would willingly let anyone other than my two Williamson’s vomit on me, ever. I just feel so bad for her, do you think we should take her to the doctor? Like I know with you and all there are the chances and stuff but what if something is wrong.”

“Oh don’t worry Mum has her booked in for an ultrasound already, somehow she managed to get one for tomorrow which in hindsight isn’t going to be fun to get her to but oh well” your sister looked down to your face a small frown was appearing she moved one of her hands back onto your stomach and the frown slightly lessened, she lightly started massaging again and the frown disappeared, so she kept going, hoping that you could sleep, as clearly even in your sleep you were in pain. “I do hope though that this is just a one off, I don’t want her to have to go through it, deal with this or worse every month.”

“I know, I hope so too, but we will be here for her and Lucy and Kie will look after her, and the girls at Barca, they all seem lovely”

“Yeah, it, just, I don’t know,” Leah sighed, they laid in silence for a bit before Lia spoke.

“Babe, I might try and sleep, if that’s okay, because it’s not like we are going anywhere soon and I’m slightly exhausted, after last night and then today”.

“Yeah, I might sleep too, love you,” they kissed briefly before Leah placed her head in the crook of Lia’s neck again and Lia rested her head on hers.

____

“Oh, Cait, I found them, shhh” Katie said, Caitlin came in and took a picture, Leah and Lia held hands over you, as you hand your hand was still placed in Lia’s and Leah’s other arm was wrapped around you.

“They are so cute, let’s just leave them be, leave the stuff on the bench I’ll send them a message”.

____

Leah woke up first and grabbed her phone, seeing a message from Caitlin.

Caitlin: We came to drop of a few things, you didn’t answer so we let ourselves in, we found all 3 of you asleep, so let you be, the items are just on the bench.

Caitlin: *sent a photo*

Leah: Thank you so much, and could you not tell people straight away….. I mean I know the team probably assumes but we haven’t told Bug yet, were going to tell her today but…

Caitlin: Yeah sure, hope she feels better.

____

You blinked your eyes open, and Leah looked down at you, “Feeling better Bug?”

“A little I guess,” you paused for a little moment, “Le?” “Yeah Bug,” “Are you and Lia together?” “Well Bug, in a way I suppose yes, we were going to ask you if you were okay with us being together today, but we decided not too because you weren’t well”.

“Okay, I don’t mind, can Lia move in now? Well like does it mean she will move in?”

“If you’re okay with that bug.”

“I would like that, I love Lia, she is really nice and fun, and she takes care of me and doesn’t complain when I throw up on her, and she makes you happy, and she is always the first one to check you’re okay and she really cares for you and helps you, even when you push her away. Don’t mess this one up Le, but maybe before she moves in just check, she wants kids…. And maybe marriage.”

“I’m glad you like her bug, because I do really like her, and I promise I wont mess this one up.” “I’m just going to go to the toilet” you say as you get up and head for the toilet shutting the door.

“Having little mini me’s wandering around the house one day could be cute, and I reckon she would make a great wedding planner, that way she wouldn't have to choose between us, for bride's maid”

“You were awake? You heard all that?” Lia nodded and smiled, which caused Leah to smirk before they kissed.

[lessi-lover]

cleats and kisses II a.russo ~

23★ ~ a.russo

"any new love interests, y/n?" caitlin teased mercilessly, playfully knocking you out of your lunge position. "yeah, got your eye on any defenders?" steph chimed in, her mischievous grin a perfect compliment, following her australian teammates teasing.

katie, with an unimpressed scoff, threw her head back against her locker, rolling her eyes at her girlfriend’s foolish comments. "oh, absolutely. y/n's just so, so good at finding love." she retorted before you could respond, her voice laced with sarcasm, sending a pointed look your way from across the changing room. 

katie’s sisterly overprotectiveness, always a source of amusement amongst your friends, even though it was extremely infuriating at times. an exasperated sigh fell from your lips, lifting your tired limbs off the floor and moving to sit with your sister, desperately trying to block out the girls’ relentless banter. resting your head on her shoulder, you let your eyelids gently fall, seeking comfort in your sister’s familiar presence.

across the room stood the english captain. leah who was always the most observant in a crowded room, who sensed your unease at the comments and shot you a comforting glance. she had known you for years, one of your closest friends from your early footballing days and instrumental in finally getting you signed to Arsenal. it was safe to say she could read you like an open book. 

in your previous relationship, katie had managed to intimidate your then-girlfriend after finding you both having a nice early morning breakfast, in town before training. you could not understand at all why the incident had caused such a stir; you were fully clothed and what you were doing was completely innocent.

katie’s protectiveness, something she had picked up from your older siblings. it was as if she didn't want to see you grow up, reluctantly clinging to the image of her smaller, younger sister. yet, you knew the possessiveness stemmed from a place of only love.

"i think i'll turn in for the night, busy day tomorrow," you announced, referring to the game and press conference you had been warned about at this morning's meeting. offering a tired smile to your teammates and sister, you bid your farewell. "see you at breakfast, katie," you added before slipping quietly out of the door. “7 am sharp, don't be late," you heard your sister’s loud accent barrel through the door. you shook your head, making your way up the elevator and towards your room.

however, instead of heading to your room, shared with lia and her girlfriend, you found yourself walking down the corridor to somebody else's room, ‘better than third-wheeling’, you thought. you gently knocked a secret pattern on the wooden door, hoping not to reveal your location to roaming players and staff members. lord knows the amount of times you have almost been caught sneaking into the blonde's room when traveling.

the lock clicked noisily, and the door flowed open, revealing your exhausted looking girlfriend, still dressed in her training kit. "why haven't you showered missy?” you teased the blonde, stepping inside the doorway, making sure to quickly peck her soft lips. the blonde placed her hand behind your ear, desperately trying to deepen the kiss. her lips moved hungrily against your own.

you tapped her waist, finding it difficult to breathe, before pulling away completely. "i was waiting for you to show up, figured that with your smell you would need a second shower,” alessia teased, a cheeky grin adorning her soft face. "well aren't you a pleasure.” she chuckled back at your remark, tugging you close into her larger frame.

"are you feeling alright?" the blonde asked, noticing the unmissable tenseness on your face. you quickly nodded, making sure to look the girl in the eyes. "mhmm, the girls were just prying on my love life in the changing room."

she kissed into your shoulder comfortingly, placing open mouthed kisses wherever she could. letting go of your waist, she made her way to the bathroom. your lips turning upwards, as you watched her clumsily trip over a pair of loose football boots and turn to check if you had seen, cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

while she showered, you picked up a book on her bedside table, carefully placing your finger by the girl's last page. page 10. the book helped pass time until she returned, her short, damp hair falling onto her cream coloured robe, smelling of lavender and rosemary. "what are you up to, love?" she asked, putting an old ireland jersey she had stolen from you, catching you engrossed in the book she had abandoned a couple nights ago.

you looked up from your book and grinned, turning it so she could see. "trying to understand why on earth you thought you would enjoy this book," you replied. “trying to impress you with my reading skills”. she said, in a serious manner. “clearly.” you responded.

alessia chuckled, moving on top of you and tossing the book out of your hands. “i. love. you.” she admitted, each word accented with a short, but sweet kiss on your lips. you blushed, embarrassed at how 3 common words could make your stomach flip. “i love you too, less.” you responded, with a small yawn into her chest. you snuggled closer, burying your head into her neck. letting the world fade, as you drifted off to the blondes soft snores.

~

but the peace didn't last too long. the next morning, you were both jolted out of your peaceful rest by an alarming pounding on the hotel door. "open the door!" an angry shout from outside the hotel door. "fuck, its katie," you cursed, recognising an identical accent to your own, jumping out of the soft sheets, whilst alessia answered her clearly fuming teammate.

"katie?" alessia greeted your angry sister, her mind racing rapidly for some kind of excuse. "breakfast finished a long time ago. your alarm must’ve not gone off.” “my sister wasn't at breakfast either, and she isn't in her room. got somethin to do with it?" katie questioned, with an irritated look.

"no clue," alessia replied as soon as the girl finished, possibly a little too quick to be innocent. "sorry, katie. i'll be down in a minute, i don't know what happened, i must have forgotten to set my alarm.” alessia answered frantically, shutting the door in the irish girl’s face.

you both let out a sign of relief, looking at each other in disbelief at the narrow call. "that was close. you shouldn't have fallen asleep with me last night," alessia stated, concern etched in her features as she saw a moody katie conversing outside with a tired vic from the small doorhole.

"i know, i'm sorry, i should have been more careful," you confessed, the disappointment carved heavily in your voice. "i'll catch up with you before the interviews, less." with a quick hug you attempted to escape her room unnoticed.

however, your effort to slip away was foiled almost immediately. as you left alessia’s room, trying to blend in with the morning crowd, you encountered katie in the hallway, her gaze sharpening as she observed the room you had exited. "why the fuck are you coming out of alessia’s room?" she questioned, her tone a mix of confusion, anger and concern.

"katie, please let me explain," you pleaded, quickly moving to grab her before she could walk away. “you better start explaining, now!” she yelled, and if you thought katie couldn’t get angrier than a game against manchester city, you were certainly eating your words now.

“she’s my girlfriend”, a soft voice behind you spoke. turning around you were faced with the very blonde you had spent your night with. “oh really?” katie challenged. “yes, we’ve been together for 6 months.” alessia spoke timidly, barely above a whisper. “how could you two keep this a secret?” feeling the weight of the situation, you took a shaky breath, trying to find the right words to explain that you had been secretly dating her teammate.

"katie, i didn't mean for you to find out like this," you began, your voice cracking between words. "alessia and i, we met before i signed here. it was before we even started talking about a possible transfer. i never thought we would keep it a secret, but things got complicated, and i didn't know how to tell anyone."

katie's expression softened slightly, taking a short breath before she spoke. "but why keep it a secret from me?" she asked, her voice now more composed, eyes still glossy. "i was afraid," you admitted, looking into her soft eyes, hoping she could see the sincerity in yours. "i was afraid of losing you. i know it's not an excuse, and i should have been honest with you about alessia from the beginning. i've messed everything up, and i'm really sorry."

alessia stepped forward from behind you, her eyes pleading with katie to forgive you. "i'm sorry too," she said, her voice quivering. "between my transfer, australia and all the drama with me leaving united, i didn't give y/n the space to tell you about us." katie sighed, her anger slowly settling down, as she processed both your confessions.

after a brief silence, katie's expression softened, and a small grin tugged at the corners of her lips. "well," she said, her tone lighter now, "i can't say i expected you two to get together, but i’m glad it’s less and not somebody else. if you're happy together," she continued, her smile growing bigger, "then i'm happy for you." it was a moment of relief for both you and alessia.

“whoo!” “they finally broke it to katie!” voices could be heard celebrating. from around the corner in the hallway, steph, caitlin, leah, and lia appeared, cheekiness displayed on all their faces, giggling that they’d successfully stayed hidden whilst you revealed the truth to your older sister. “how long have you been standing there?” you questioned your friends.

“long enough to hear your beautiful love confession.” lia answered dramatically, throwing her hands in the air for emphasis. her blondie - leah shaking her head at her girlfriends usual antics. “at least we don’t have to go through the awkwardness of telling you all now”, alessia answered before you could. everyone muttered in agreement.

“i guess i can do this now then,” you walked up to the blonde, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and leaning in. you gently pressed your lips against her own, her arms coming to wrap around your waist, pulling you impossibly close. her lips lingered on yours, a warm feeling arising in your heart. alessia gently unwraps her arms and releases you from her tight hold, smiling down at you sweetly.

“gross, next time you're going to swap saliva with each other, give us heads up.” your sister fake gags. “i guess I can do this now, lessibaby!” said caitlin pulling in steph to mock you, imitating your earlier kiss with her aussie teammate. “hey! kisses are reserved for me only.” katie yells, pulling her playful girlfriend into a bruisingly passionate kiss.

“on the pitch please girls, simple field runs.” jonas interrupts the couple, looking down at the floor, face red, obviously embarrassed at the walk in. a couple “yes jonas’.” and “yes coach'." floated around the changing room, jonas nodding and leaving in a hurry. the girls quickly got ready and headed out to the pitch. your sister wraps an arm around your blonde, pulling her along.

“c'mon less, we have lots to talk about.” your sister says intimidatingly. your girlfriend sending you a ‘help me’ look as she was dragged out of the room.

you finished tying your laces, shaking your head, knowing katie was going to absolutely grill the girl until she gave up trying to scare her off. “let's go, cait.” you spoke, picking up your ‘basically’ sister off the floor, her mouth still wide open in shock, bewildered at the unexpected kiss from your sister. shaking her until she focussed you began to make your way out of the changing room, caitlin using your body as a walking stick.

suddenly your phone rang. ‘chatterbox’, your phone read. it was your youngest (and favourite) sister - lauryn. “hey, what's wrong, sweetheart, I'm in training?” you asked, picking up the call. “are you actually dating Alessia? i know you’ve been there for a couple months, but jeez.” she blurted out. 

“katie alison mccabe, get your arse over here right now, or so help me i swear- ”.

[leahsgirl]

“yes you idiot.”

— in which leah has planned on proposing to you for a long time - except when that time does come; it all goes awry.

pairings - leah williamson x reader (female)

warnings - none, just minor swearing.

a/n - this is my first shot at writing so it may be horrible i apologise

—

“so once i’ve finished setting everything up I’ll text you and let you know i’m on my wa-“ Leah was mid conversation with Beth and Viv; until you interrupted of course, slotting yourself next to the blonde and matching strides with her as you make your way off the training pitch.

“what are you guys talking about?” you questioned as you observed beth and viv give each other a quick glance.

“nothing baby, I was just asking how myles was adjusting.” Leah replied, reaching out for your hand.

You and Leah have been dating for two and a half years, having officially met playing for the England squad a year prior. While Leah wasn’t your biggest fan to begin with - that soon changed when you made the transfer from manchester united to arsenal, allowing you and the blonde to get closer which then resulted in the two of you starting dating.

“oh my god, you have no idea how excited i’ve been to see him again.”

“i still want to know how you taught him to sit the first time meeting him - he won’t do it for me and Viv.” Beth bewildered.

“what can i say? i’m just the chosen one.” you smirked. “are you sure you can’t come Lee?” Now diverting your attention back to your girlfriend who was sorting out clothes to change into. You and a few of the other girls were going to Beth and Viv’s for a little girls/catch up night, unaware it was actually a set up to keep you out the house while Leah put her plan into action.

“i’ve got to go and help Jacob move stuff out of his apartment y/n or you know i’d be there.” She kissed your cheek.

“definitely just a sore loser because ya’ lost the game last time we went.” Katie piped up, appearing next to the taller girl who in turn gave her a petty slap on the arm.

—

“you’re beautiful.” a voice spoke from the other end of the room, slowly getting closer and wrapping their arms around you from behind as you looked at yourself in the mirror, peppering a few light kisses near your ear.

“and you’re late, weren’t you meant to meet Jacob twenty mins ago?”

Leah shrugged it off. “and miss the chance of admiring my girl. no way.” She planted a quick kiss on your lips, knowing you’d just finished applying your makeup. “besides, he changed the time to seven, i’ve got a good half an hour.”

She plonked herself down on the bed, fiddling with the rings she wore on her fingers. “what you thinking about in that pretty head of yours?” throughout your relationship with leah, you’ve got to know her pretty much inside and out, and if theres one thing you do know; she only messes with her rings when something is bothering her. “hm..nothing, just thinking about us i guess.”

“us?” you pushed, now joining her on the bed. “just like how we’ve ended up here and how thankful i am for you and everything.” the blue-eyed girl turned to look at you, as if she was studying your whole face. “well, i’m very thankful for you too, even if you are a pain in the arse most of the time.” the twenty-six year old faked hurt and annoyance. “but i love you.” you said more sincerely, placing a tender kiss on Leah’s forehead.

“i love you too.”

__

Leah kindly offered to drop you off at Beth and Viv’s which you accepted of course. All of the other girls were already there; Alessia and Lottie were fussing over myles, Katie, Caitlin and Steph was in what seemed like a very intense conversion, Jenn and Lia was messing with different filters on TikTok and Beth & Viv were playing host.

“there she is! y/n come in.” Viv ushered you inside and offered you a drink. You immediately making a beeline for the man of the hour, crouching down preparing to be bombarded by a very excited puppy.

Meanwhile, back at the apartment, Leah had began decorating. Her plan was for you to come home to a nice romantic homemade dinner, where after you share some nice conversation and food - she would pop the question, asking you to be her wife.

She’s had this planned for a good couple of months, having gone out with some of your teammates to acquire the goods and then going ring shopping on one of her few days off. To be honest, she was quite proud of herself she’s managed to keep this a secret from you for all this time.

The blonde started by blowing up some heart shaped balloons, followed by scattering rose petals from the front door all the way to the dining table which had been covered with a white table cloth and taper candles. She was making your favourite dishes for the meal of course; pasta with pesto and finishing with churros.

easier said than done however. “how do i make pasta?” the defender flipped the camera so her mum who was now on facetime can see the ingredients. It was times like this where she wishes she helped with the cooking more around the house. After practically what turned out to be a cooking lesson, Leah took the opportunity to change into something nicer, and less covered in flour.

Making her way around the bedroom, she opened her nightstand drawer, sifting a few things around until she pulled out a small black velvet box. She opened it briefly, checking the ring was okay and preyed to god you would like it.

Taking one final look at her work around the house, she pulled out her phone to text the fellow forward.

to: meado

just finished up back here, i’m gonna start heading to yours now.

As the night died down, your teammates and yourself had all congregated in the living room, spread across the sofa and the floor with some kind of cheesy sitcom that Lia put on playing in the background. Different conversations were going on, you finding yourself in a deep conversation with Jenn and Caitlin.

“Well well, look who finally decided to show her face.” Katie announced, pointing at all too familiar blonde locks. “Hey guys.” You got up and walked over to her planting a kiss on her cheek.

“i thought you had to help your brother?” You ask while absentmindedly rubbing her back. “oh..i did, we just finished so I thought i’d come pick you up.”

“Do you want a drink Leah?” Steph offered, holding up a beer in each hand. “No thanks, we have to get back to the apartment.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Do we?”

“Yes we do, now come on.” She took your hand and tried to pull you to the door. “What’s with the rush? You’re being weird Lee.”

“I’m not - i’m just tired that’s all, i’m ready for bed.” She fake yawned. You sighed, “okay grumpy, just let me say bye to everyone.”

It’s safe to say the car ride home was no better. Leah’s leg was bouncing up and down which isn’t exactly ideal when you’re driving, she was cursing out everyone on the roads and kept messing with her bangs if they moved in the slightest. “Are you sure you’re okay love?”

The blonde turned to look and you and gave a weary smile, lifting your hand to her lips and giving it a gentle peck. “I’m fine I promise.”

Walking up the steps to your shared home, Leah stopped you before opening the door. “Okay I need you to close your eyes and only open them when I tell you.”

Complying, you shut your eyes. “Suspicious Miss Williamson.” You stated as you could hear your girlfriend fiddling with her keys in the door. she wrapped her arm around yours and guided you inside. “Okay you can open them now.” You followed her advice and took in your surroundings, suddenly getting an overwhelming sense of love surge over you. “Surprise.” Leah pulled you over to the candlelit table and pulled out a chair for you, waiting for you to sit down to then tuck you in. “Lee..i’m speechless. What’s all this for?”

“Just doing my girlfriend duties and treating you.” The blonde brought over two dishes to the table and sat herself down opposite you. “Shut up! you made my favourite meal?!” Taking a bite off your fork, your mouth practically waters with how good it tastes. “Oh my god, babe this is incredible.” Deciding to be more romantic, you twirl some of the pasta onto your fork and hold it out for Leah to take which she does.

it was all going really well; it had been long overdue since you and leah had a ‘date’ so to speak. While you loved your job and wouldn’t trade it for the world, it often meant romantic gestures like these were far and few in between.

“Is something burning?” The smell of smoke filling your nostrils as you look at the kitchen.

“Shit shit shit!” Leah was quick to her feet, opening the oven where a surge of grey smoke escaped and pulled out a tray with what were now very burnt churros. “For fuck sake.” The defender whined “Well there goes dessert.”

Joining her behind the kitchen island, you looked at the baking tray. “well..you tried.” half-heartedly joking, you looked at the older girl who now had a pout on her face. “It’s okay Leah, you made a lovely pasta. Besides, i’m sure we have some ice cream or something in the freezer.”

“No you don’t understand, tonight was meant to be perfect.” She ran her hands through her hair in frustration. You knitted your eyebrows together “Okay out with it.” sternly said, crossing your arms.

“Hm?”

“You’ve been on edge all day..you change the conversation when i caught up to you, meado and Viv. You couldn’t come to girls night which you never miss; i know you said you had to help your brother but then he suddenly changes times, you was angsty all the way home and now you’re practically arguing with the oven. So tell me what’s going on.”

Leah motioned for you to sit on the sofa. “Okay this isn’t how I wanted it to go down but-“ She took a deep breath. “Y/n, as you know i’m not really big on talking about my feelings, but the past three years have been the happiest of my life. you make me excited for the next day to come, you always push me, you stuck with me during my lowest, especially during my acl recovery, you just make me a better person.”

She takes your hand in hers, caressing your skin with her thumb and looks you directly in the eyes which at this point were working hard to not well up. “I guess what i’m trying to say is-“ She reaches into her pants pocket pulling out the familiar black velvet box. “-Will you marry me?”

As she says those four words, she opens the box and looks down at it, doing a double take as she sees its empty - the ring no where to be seen. “What the fuck, where’s the pissing ring.” Colour is draining from her face at this point as she stands up and frantically starts pacing. “You’ve got to be shitting me, the one day i need things to go smoothly.”

“Do you mean this ring?” You held up a ring with an oval diamond at the centre of it. Leah looked dumbfounded “How-how did you-“ The blonde was at a loss for words.

“Lee you dropped it twice during dinner - i even passed it to you once.” You giggled as you passed her the ring back “Did you?”

“See, you’ve been so uptight you didn’t even realise.” Standing up, you wrapped your arms around her neck, moving closer so that your faces were inches apart. “But my answer is yes.” you say barely above a whisper.

“yes?” at this point you thought you’d broke your poor girlfriend. “Yes i’ll marry you idiot.” Pressing your lips onto hers, you emerged yourselves into a deep kiss filled with passion.

Your now fiancé slipped the ring into your finger, admiring the ring and then you. She picked you up, twirling you around out of pure happiness and relief.

“Now how about dessert?” You winked and tugged her towards the bedroom.

liked by lucybronze and 2,086,773 others

leahwilliamson introducing future mrs williamson

usera SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

chloekelly congratulations ❤️

userb y/n on that wag life

youruser whose to say it’s not gonna be ‘leah y/l/n’

leahwilliamson replying to youruser y/n williamson just sounds better

kierawalsh congrats lovebirds 😄❤️

liked by alessiarusso and 1,887,201 others

youruser imagine i said no

ellatoone 😍❤️

userc Y/N’s GETTING MARRIED IM DOING ROLYPOLYS

1maryearps congrats kiddo!

userd please the difference in her and leah’s captions

jodiemcomer so happy for you y/n, congrats X

[enwoso]

Could you maybe write something for lia wälti? Maybe her and reader are babysitting a friends toddler, just some domesticity and lia swooning at r interacting with the kid

CAN’T WAIT - lia wälti

"me want to help!" poppy smiled sweetly giving you those cute little eyes that made it so hard for you to say no to. "okay, you can have your own special job!" you smiled as you picked her up and sat her on the counter top, a small little cheer coming from the four year old as you tried to think of something you could give her to do to keep her little brain occupied for some time.

“look, so first we snap the end off then you’ll can open and put the peas in here” you demonstrated to poppy how to do the pea pods and she nodded as you showed her, a little smile appearing on her face as she managed to open a pod by herself.

“good job!” you smiled, holding you hand up for the little girl to high five. your girlfriend watching on as her heart warmed watching you interact with the young girl, her mind wandering for a moment about what life would be like when the two of you had your own little family, leaving her wondering if you had thought about it too.

poppy was your older brothers daughter, a confident little girl who was not scared to say or do anything. which sometimes would get the little girl in some trouble but it would always make for great stories when she was older.

you and lia had offered to look after poppy after your brother was left stuck after your mum had gotten her dates mixed up and could no longer look after poppy while your brother and his wife went for some spa retreat for their anniversary.

and if you were being honest part of you was glad your mum had gotten her date mixed up as it had meant you could spend some quality time with your niece.

you had picked the little girl up from school, surprising her as she came out the classroom running into both yours and lia's arms while talking at a hundred miles per hour at how excited she was to see the both of you.

chatting both yours and your girlfriends ears off the whole car ride back to yours and lia’s home, telling you every detail of her day from what she had for breakfast to what colour pencil she coloured her drawing in with at school.

now she was ‘helping’ make dinner and by that she was just ordering you and lia around. “can you help?” she asked as she held up a pea pod for you to open for her, you had given her the job of opening a few of them but realistically she was just getting you or lia to open them for her so she could eat the peas out of them.

“don’t forget to put the peas in here poppy!” you reminded her pointing to the blue little tub you had given poppy minutes earlier, “i won’t!” poppy sung out, as you handed her the pea pod back, and within seconds she was slotting two peas in her mouth and putting one in the little blue tub.

“think it’s a bit late for that love!” lia whispered nudging you to look inside the bowl, where there was three little peas in there as you looked to the swiss and mumbled an ‘ah’

“poppy! your not supposed to be eating them!” lia said as she caught the little girl putting another one of the peas in her mouth instead on in her little blue tub.

“me not wally, there’s some in my tub!”

“i guess we aren’t having peas tonight..” you whispered in lia’s ear as you rested your head on shoulder, while reaching to get some of the other ingredients for dinner that were on lia’s side of the kitchen, pressing a quick kiss behind her ear.

“she too cute to be mad at, so i guess it’s okay!” your girlfriend quietly said at the two of you watched for a moment as poppy used her teeth this time to bite the end of the pod, putting all three peas in her mouth, the two of you quickly laughing at the little girls antics.

“me don’t like broccoli” poppy said as she watched you pick that up first out of the ingredients you had moved to your side of the kitchen counter, as she pulled a disgusted face as she watched you chop a little bit of the stork of the broccoli.

“don’t worry kiddo, we’ll keep the greens to a minimum for you!” lia smiled, knowing that you would put them in the dinner but cut them up really fine making the chances of the little girl even noticing them very slim.

“my daddy says they look like tiny trees he doesn’t like them either” poppy said making your girlfriend giggle at the comment as you smiled shaking your head, that was what your brother used to tell you mum when she would ask him to eat his broccoli.

“well he’s not wrong”

now that dinner was out the way, you had decided on a film to watch. curtesy of poppy's choice it was settled you were watching luca. which you knew she had only picked for one reason.

“can we please skip to the silenzio bruno part?” poppy asked looking up at both you and lia as she was tucked up in between the two of you in her princess pyjamas.

“pops, we gotta watch it from the start!” lia smiled moving the loose hairs out from the front of her face as poppy mumbled a fine.

lia looked over and smiled over at you, as you moved a little closer to lia resting your head on her shoulder as she played with your hair. your breathing slowing out as you felt your body begin to relax.

by the time the film actually got to the part poppy wanted it at she had fallen asleep, soft snores coming from the four year olds lips. “i’ll go and take her up” you said as lia nodded as she kissed your cheek before you moved.

lifting poppy up carefully along with her little stuffed toy that she had took attached to her all evening, and carefully retreating to the spare bedroom where you had set up made the bed for poppy - putting two pillows at either side to make sure she didn’t fall out of the bed during the night.

tucking the little girl in with her teddy and blanket before kissing the top of her head and leaving the little night light on that your brother said she slept with on when she was at home before moving towards the door as closing it a little bit.

quickly going back down the stairs to where lia was, and walking into the living room to see that the swiss had not moved a muscle as she scrolled through her phone that was in her hand.

crashing on top of the swiss with a big sigh as she groaned, luckily being able to move her phone out the way quick enough to avoid it hitting her in the face.

“who would have thought looking after a four year old would be so tiring” you mumbled into her chest as your eyes felt heavy with tiredness.

“basically a full time job, baby” lia whispered as she giggled a little as you felt the vibrations of lia’s laugh from her chest.

you sat up, straddling lia as her hands found your waist, travelling a little up the back of your hoodie tracing small circles in your lower back. “i can’t wait until that us with our own little baby” lia said, at your eyes widened and lia began to back peddle. “no- no that- i” her face full of worry, scared that she had said the wrong thing.

you cut lia off by kissing her, smiling into the kiss as you hands went to the back of her neck. the kiss was pure and full of love and reassurance, pulling away after a few minutes, pecking her lips a few more times before lingering close to lia’s face smiling big as her face was now relaxed.

“i can’t wait to start a family with you either”

[wosoluvrr]

sorry about the blood in your mouth, i wish it was mine || a. russo x reader (1)

summary: everyone knew the game against united was going to be scrappy, but no one was quite prepared for that.

warnings: lots of talking about blood and injury, angstangstangst, a curse word or two, not much else i don’t think

a/n: i love that quote by richard siken and i just have to be different so i figured including it in my first fic/writing thing (?) was the way to go. anyways, i hope you enjoy! i’m happy to be here, and excited to post more and hopefully get to know some of you:) all my love 🤍

"what the fuck is your problem, zelem?" the question came out more like an insult, your body taking over as you moved towards her on the pitch. in doing so, you left alessia's side, the girl flat against the pitch as she gripped at her ankle and fought back tears. vic and lia stayed kneeled beside her, the rest of the team taking notice and making their way towards the midfield where alessia had gone down.

katie only rolled her eyes at your screaming, sparing alessia a quick glance and then focusing back onto you. "i barely touched her, you've all gone soft," she replied with a scoff, her teammates remaining in their positions.

"the audacity you have is a bit mind blowing really, who'd you have to pay to get that armband?"

she doesn't reply this time, her face curling into an expression you can't quite read. you're not sure how the hell you'd come up with something like that, but you opt to keep your expression blank as you turned your attention to the ref who was jogging towards the scene.

alessia still wasn't getting up, the ref signaling for the medics as she made her way from the scene to the two of you. jen was approaching you as well, her face offering a warning for you to take the scolding and not let anything go further.

before the ref can reach you she pulls out a yellow card on zelem, writing her name down sloppily once she arrives and beginning her scolding of the two of you. jen's hand on your shoulder keeps you in your own spot, zelem's eyes fixed blankly on your own as the ref opts to check back in with the medics and leave the three of you alone.

"keep your mutt off my shit, beattie." she begins to storm off but you're quick to follow, your body slipping out of jen's hand as your pace quickens.

your only intent was to give her a push and bag the yellow card, deeming it worth the release of steam. however, somehow seconds after zelem had jolted forward and turned to make her way back towards you, a first slammed square into your face. you ended up on your hands and knees, spitting blood into the grass below you.

medics guessed a broken nose and a split lip which might need stitches due to your face accidentally getting stepped on when the players reacted.

sitting on the locker room floor was undeniably embarrassing, your body slumped against the wall as you struggled to keep the gauze firmly against your face. even with the pain consuming you, it was hard not to wonder just how badly you’d be punished.

benched for x amount of games? kicked off the squad? banned from football for life? the possibilities seemed endless, each one worse than the other.

"that was quite the shove you got in," alessia was standing in the doorway, the large puffer coat on her body making your eyes crinkle in place of a smile.

you didn't dare take your eyes off the floor as the shame burning within you only deepened in her presence. there wasn’t a single part of you that wanted to know how angry she was with you, the thought of her conveying her disappointment making you feel sick.

"your ankle?" you ask, ignoring her insinuation.

alessia laughs gently, properly walking into the room and shedding her puffer onto the closest surface.

"rolled, which really sucks." she moves a stool in front of a bench, slightly limping her way over to you as she extends her hand out. "i'll be out for a few weeks at worst.”

you feel like crying, the girl in front of you wrapped in a bandage and you had somehow managed to make things worse. you accept her hand and allow her to guide you to the bench, your head falling back against the lockers as you groan.

"why aren't you at the hospital?"

"i wanted to apologize before i went," you answer. "my selfishness is making sure i don’t do a very good job at that.”

your voice is more pathetic than you imagined it'd be, the pain from your face spreading all around your body. pain was doable when it was just pain, but this just had too much in it for you to feel able to manage it.

"let me help you," she beats your slew of apologies, hands reaching out to the hold the rag against you. her fingers are cold against your hand for the seconds they do touch causing you to pull away quickly, the burning in your arm from holding it up so long dulling down to an ache.

her pressure immediately becomes too harsh and you moan in pain, arm back in the air as your hand roughly grips onto her own. "please be gentle," you gasp, her face washing with regret as she nods, free hand moving to rest on your bare thigh.

her newly adjusted position has her face far too close to your own and you're certain if your nose was working you'd be able to smell her minty breath. it was really her eyes that had you going crazy, the deep blue they sported making you feel dizzy as you examined them.

"thank you," you start, eyes closing as you continue to fight the threat to cry. "i regret it already, i don’t want to be a violent person.”

you quickly find that it's easier to look past alessia, fixating on the door frame and instead of anything else. she's frowning back at you, trying to come up with the right things to say.

"you're a sweet girl," her voice is barely a whisper. "katie's completely fine, and you're going to be fine too, yeah?"

you nod, finally looking her in the eyes.

“is ella angry, you think?”

you hadn’t even considered how awful it must’ve been for you to start a fight with a team that coincided with tooney. there was somehow more guilt to be felt, your brain imagining the damage you may have caused between the two girls.

she doesn’t answer, eyes narrower than they were before.

"i'm sorry, alessia." it's sincere, your head nodding to convey your feelings better as she nods back, something resembling her usual smile creeping onto her lips.

"you can check that off the list now," she teases, a feeling of relief spreading through your body. “i just want you to be okay.”

you had expected her to be far more angry, far more disappointed in you. but, she's not. because how could she be? it was alessia, after all. sweet, composed, and painfully beautiful alessia.

it's embarrassing how caught you are by her even in the state your in, your mind barely able to keep up with just how closely you're getting to see the girl now. you decide now you have to very carefully memorize the small details of her face, selfishly noting you'd probably never be this close to her ever again.

"you're too good to me," it's barely a whisper, your eyes shamefully fixated on alessia's lips. it's hard to contain yourself anymore, your heartbeat finallt recognizing that there was more than pain against you in this moment.

"no such thing," she says.

she readjusts her hand and tilts your head to the side in an effort to examine if anything else had left you with marks. to her disappointment, she finds the scratches your face had taken from the rest of the cleat on your face. it wasn't a pretty sight, you were sure of that, but her gaze didn't feel like pity.

she was looking at you like she always did, merely taking you in for what you were.

she moves the gauze slowly away, wincing at the what was beneath the fabric. your nose is offset, blues and greens inviting themselves into your usual complexion. dried blood stained it’s way from your nostrils to your mouth, your bottom lip sporting the nasty gash.

it was uncomfortable knowing how ugly you must look right now. you opted to close your eyes and pretend you were somewhere else, desperately trying to act normal when she ran her thumb over your cheekbone.

“i’m sorry about the blood in your mouth,” she whispers. “i just wish it was mine.”

you’re crying now, body shaking with sobs as she pulls you into her chest, your chin hooking onto her shoulder as you cried. alessia’s fingers are rubbing your back, her lips whisper ‘it’s okay’ over and over until you start to believe her.

“i think it’s time you get some help with all this, don’t you think?” you’re still pressed against her, hands desperately clenching her jersey. you don’t want to pull away. you don’t want to leave when you’re certain you’ll never have her like this again.

it’s selfish, having her like this when she doesn’t know the way you feel. it almost feels wrong to be tended to so lovingly by her, your secret administration making the weight of her actions far different for you.

but, of course you nod, pulling yourself out of her embrace and allowing her sweet hands to brush the matted hair from your forehead to the sides. her touch is so gentle you almost cry again, cursing your stupid brain for making things harder.

you wanted to ask her about so many things. you wanted to ask what she had meant about the blood and what she had meant when she chose to rest her hand on your thigh. or why she had chosen to be kind to you instead of absolutely losing her head over your recklessness.

you settle for a later date. “can i call you once i’m finished?”

the laugh she lets out makes you feel warm, her arms helping you to stand up and bracing you as she walks you to the physios. you curse yourself for asking something that stupid, walking into the room with a newfound embarrassment.

“you think i’d let you go alone?”

a/n: part 2, mayhaps? part 2 for a kiss and some confessions, mayhaps? feel free to request, too! i’d love the help :)

[kamotecue]

her apology ✮ l. walti

pairing: lia walti x fem!reader

part two of here

the shuffling of blankets were heard, as you moved around in the hotel bed. the game against switzerland made you a little bit restless, it was the way her shoulder had hit you, almost knocking you to the ground—if ana didn’t catch you, it could’ve risked your recovery time. you sighed before throwing the blanket up, resting your back against the head board.

are you hungry? - aitana signed, as you gave her a little nod. you haven’t wore the hearing aids since the match, there was a bit discomfort due to the uproar when you had went down.

i have plans with ana for brunch, wanna join? - you signed, as aitana gave you a nod, as she handed you the clothes that you had set aside last night. it was grey loose plaid pants, a simple white polo shirt and your gold necklace that had your name in cursive a gift from mapi.

the brace was already on, as you handed aitana your wallet and phone, she quickly placed it in her bag and the two of you were already off. as the two of you made your way through the plaza, you were noticed mainly by barcelona fans—the two of you politely smiled, and greeted them as you passed by.

when you arrived at the restaurant, your eyes searched the place as aitana raised her hand—guiding you to the table ana was sitting at, she was joined by a few of her teammates. but your eyes were on their captain who refused to look at you, aitana had sat in front of lia, while you were in front of ana.

really? - a scowl was seen on your face, as you signed at ana who had an amused look on her face, it was a look that you desperately wanted to remove. aitana gave you a little nudge as you turned to look at her—your phone was held out as you grabbed it giving her a small thanks.

what? you need to solve whatever this is, n/n. - ana gestured with a laugh as you glared at her, but the attention was brought to the waiter as he approached the table. you had sat up straight, finally reaching through your pocket to fish out the container. the pop was heard, as you hummed before pulling it out—gaining lia’s attention.

“i’ll have what you’ll have, tana.” your soft voice was heard, as aitana hummed taking note of your words, ana had simply gave you a smile as you tore your eyes away from the menu—quickly looking at your phone, the heap of messages from your agent as offers were coming to a close.

the rumors are true, you won’t be renewing your contract with barca. instead you’ll sign to a new team, rumors have it you’ll enter the french league, or the wsl league—others think you’ll sign for real madrid.

“poniéndoselos por fin? [finally putting them on?]” aitana asked, as you fidgeted with your phone.

“los quitaré pronto. [i will remove them soon.]” a nod was given as the table had engaged in a small conversation, you had occasionally replied—not knowing how a certain player had looked at you.

you were consuming her thoughts, it wasn’t like her to brush off a player. but when you didn’t respond after her making an effort in english, she thought you had ignored her. but everything was clear when you brought out the case, and she felt ashamed of her actions.

that night, her first search on instagram was your page—there were photos of you with the barcelona team, the spanish national team but there wasn’t enough photos of you by yourself.

as everyone finished up, it was time to pay—the bill was split in half. you paid for your meal, aitana’s, ana’s and lia’s. it was something the swiss player hadn’t expect, but she had gave you a thankful smile to which you returned with a curt nod.

the rest of their teammates decided to head back early, leaving the two swiss duo, you and aitana alone.

“shall we look around?” you shrugged, as aitana gave ana a nod. aitana and ana had led the group, while the two of you hung back. the crutches were the most annoying part of this.

“leon.” a soft yet gentle voice was heard beside you, as you tore your eyes away from the two ahead to lock eyes with the swiss captain.

“walti.” you had said, the pair had watched from a few feet ahead, whispering on what could possibly happen.

“i’m sorry for the way i acted, after the match.” lia replied, as you analyzed her eyes—the features catching you off-guard as you averted your eyes.

“it’s fine, i didn’t really mind it.” of course, you did mind it—afraid that you did something that she didn’t like.

[greynatomy]

for real this time

lia wälti x reader

part two to soulmates. requested here

happy bday to the swiss queen

———

As the sun dipped below the horizon, Lia’s nerves spiraled out of control. Fidgeting with the small velvet box in her pocket, she rehearses her speech for the thousandth time. Heart pounding, hands sweating, they sought advice from friends, family, the interwebs, even practiced in front of her cat.

You and Lia were on a little vacation, wanting to spend some alone time with the other. Everything had to be perfect, so Lia visited every romantic spot in town, almost spiraling over which would create the most memorable moment.

The day of the proposal arrived and Lia was a big ball of nerves. She loves you and knew you love her just as much, but proposing is still a huge deal and something she does not want anything to go wrong.

She’d received messages from friends and family throughout the day, offering words of encouragement that relieved some of her anxiety.

Leading you by the hand, she brings you over to a shaded area underneath a tree. She sets down a blanket, instantly cuddling into her, your back against her front.

Finally, as the sun dips below the horizon, Lia took a deep breath and mustered the courage top pop the question. The anxiety that was once present turned into relief once she saw the look of content on your face being held in her arms.

Lia’s palms were sweaty, getting ready to break the comfortable silence.

“Hey, baby?” She starts.

“Yes, my love?” You ask, not looking away from the sunset.

“Remember when we were kids, playing in our parents backyard?” You nod. “Then we randomly decided to get married and have our first kiss all at the same time?”

Your eyebrows furrow wondering why she was reminiscing but happy to look back at your childhoods.

“Well, we may not be under that very same maple tree, but a tree nonetheless.” She pulls you into her tighter.“I’ve been waiting for the moment when we could finally make it real because I love you. I loved you before I even knew what love was. I loved you when we grew apart and I fell in love with you all over again when I saw you at the game. So,” She hold something out in front of you, a small velvet box that she opens to reveal a beautiful ring. You gasp. “Will you marry me?” She asks you softly, lips brushing against your ear.

The words were stuck in your throat and all you could do was nod, turning around in her arms.

“Oh my god.” You whispered, finally have your voice back.

Lia pulled you into a passionate kiss, savoring the feeling of your lips on hers on this memorable day. She was excited for this next chapter in both your lives where she would hear you call her your wife and have it be real this time.

You were finally going to get married, officially.