#life in the coldflash household

[negative-speedforce]

🧡💚🖤💔🏳️‍🌈 for the Flash or Star Wars?

Under the cut for space

Flash

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

Coldflash (Barry Allen/Leonard Snart). Idk, it has all the ingredients of a ship that I really should be into, but I'm just... not. I think it's just that they're that really specific brand of "friendly rivals" that doesn't really excite me that much.

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

It's apparently really hard to "get" Nora West-Allen's character if you didn't grow up in a single-parent household, never meeting your other parent. A lot of people say that she overreacted or that she was being irrational in her actions to try to save her dad from dying. Yeah, she did make some bad decisions, but she just wanted to know her dad. She just wanted to get to know him, because she had a frankly terrible life and she thought that maybe, if he was around, things could be better. Idk I have a lot of thoughts about her but she deserves her own post.

🖤: Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?

Caitlin Snow. Because she's the token white woman of the main cast, a lot of people seem to uwu-ify her and make her into someone who can do no wrong. Really, Caitlin has willingly worked with a human trafficker and hid the fact that she had a murderous alternate personality from people who could help her with it, and the people who were put in danger because of it, for a really long time.

💔: If you had to remove one major character from the series, who would you choose?

Cecile Horton. Idk, she just bores me. She's an interesting character in the earlier seasons, but later on, her personality is just filed down to "empath".

🏳️‍🌈: Which character who is commonly headcanoned as queer doesn't seem queer to you?

They all seem like they're some flavor of LGBT+. However, with Caitlin Snow, people often headcanon her as bi or pan, but I see her as a-spec.

Star Wars:

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

Obikin. Even though I'm aware that they're both adults when most people ship it, I'm just not a huge fan of the power imbalance in there. It gives me this feeling of visceral disgust, and if I see it untagged that gets an instant block from me. Ship and let ship, I'm not going to give someone hate if they ship it, but that ship kinda grosses me out.

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

REVA WAS A CHILD!!! SHE WAS A CHILD SUCKED INTO A BRUTAL CULT AND NO ONE WAS THERE FOR HER!!!! YES SHE DID BAD THINGS BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE HER A BAD PERSON! SHE WAS TRYING TO SURVIVE!!!! (also she's honestly one of the best most compelling characters that Star Wars has put out since the Clone Wars ended and anyone who says otherwise clearly doesn't understand her character)

🖤: Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?

Padme. Again, sad dead white woman can do no wrong. She was ready to stay with Anakin, to try to bring him back to the light, even after finding out that he murdered his friends and massacred children.

💔: If you had to remove one major character from the series, who would you choose?

Kylo Ren. He really could have been interesting! He had so much potential! I was peak Reylo trash back when TLJ came out, but now? He got boring. There was potential there, but they just made him a generic conflicted sad bad boy.

🏳️‍🌈: Which character who is commonly headcanoned as queer doesn't seem queer to you?

General Hux. While I have enjoyed a few Huxlo fics in my time, I don't really see him as liking men, or he's just around the wrong type of men. MAYBE he'd be Bi with a very strong preference for women, a 0.1 on the Kinsey Scale, but I don't see him as being anything more than that.

[hqlylightning]

Len : That's it, I'm cutting off the internet!

Barry : No, please don't! I have a family to feed!

Len :

Len : What?

Barry : I need to feed my Neopets!

[exasperatedmoron]

[lady-divine-writes]

Coldflash one-shot - “Domestic Differences” (Rated NC17)

Barry feels that Len does nothing around the house. Len disagrees. He feels that the thing he does is actually very, very important. (802 words)

Notes: So this is a little something I tripped over on an old flash drive that I think I was writing for @coldflashweeks 2016 for the prompt domestic life, and was actually inspired by a post I can't locate. So, if anyone knows it, please let me know so I can tag it.

Read on AO3.

“Leonard? Leonard Snart? Where the hell are you?? Leonard!”

“Good God,” Len mumbles, making a final adjustment to his gun before setting it aside, “he’s calling me Leonard. This can’t be good.”

Barry storms in from the kitchen at regular, human speed, dish towel in hand, the green cloth flipping in the air as he talks with his hands. “Leonard Snart! Are you out here playing with your gun?”

Len snickers, biting his tongue before he can even think to answer that question. Barry is definitely not in the mood for humor, but the innuendos flooding his brain are too, too good to resist. “I guess that depends on your definition of playing … and gun.”

“You said you’d do the dishes!”

“And?”

Barry sputters, wondering when he took the express ticket to crazy town. Would they be having this conversation if Len had done the dishes? “And you didn’t do the dishes!”

“I haven’t done the dishes yet. There’s a difference.”

“When are you going to do the dishes?”

“I’ll do them later. Or tomorrow.”

“What!?”

“We have lots of dishes, Bare. It’s not that big a deal.”

“You were supposed to do the dishes yesterday!”

“I couldn’t do the dishes, babe. Officially, I’m on laundry duty this week.”

“You’re on laundry duty this week because you didn’t do the dishes last week! I did the dishes last week! And guess what I’m doing right now?”

“What?”

“The laundry!”

“If you ask me, I think the distribution of chores in this household is a little unfair.”

“Really?” Barry huffs, crossing his arms. “Considering I’m the one doing all the chores, I’d have to agree. But how do you figure?”

“Well, it takes you about two seconds to do all of the chores in the house, whereas it takes me a considerable amount more time. Time that could be put to better use.”

“Doing what?”

“A blow job, for example.”

Barry raises an eyebrow, his anger shelved for a moment. “Are you offering or asking?”

“That depends – which one will get me outta doing the dishes?”

Barry rolls his eyes, his anger back with a vengeance and a flash of electricity behind his eyes. “For your information, I don’t use my speed to do the chores anymore. I was reprimanded for that, remember?”

“Your friends down at S.T.A.R. Labs can lecture you all they want. Doesn’t mean you have to listen. That one’s on you, babe.”

“Speed or not,” Barry says through gritted teeth spitting sparks, “if you think I’m doing the laundry, the dishes, and giving you a blow job, you have another think coming!”

“You act like I don’t want to do anything around here.”

“You don’t!”

“Yes, I do. It’s just my priorities are different than yours. I actually have something way more important on my to-do list than the dishes, Bare.”

Barry tilts his head, disbelieving. “Do you even have a to-do list?”

“Yes, I do,” Len says with a nod.

“Let me see it.”

Barry holds out a hand. Len holds Barry’s stare, unmoved, as if this is beneath him. But once he realizes that Barry isn’t going to back down, he starts looking around him – the floor, his pockets, the end table, it’s small drawer – for a piece of paper and a pen. He finally finds both beneath the recliner he’s sitting on in the form of a pad of bright yellow Post-It notes and a blue ballpoint pen. He scrawls on the top sheet to make sure the pen has ink, disposes of it once he sees it does, and then writes on the second. He hands the pad over to Barry, pointing emphatically at the top sheet.

Barry looks at the Post-It Len hands over. At the top, it says To-Do List in Len’s psychotically neat handwriting, and below that:  Barry Allen.

“See,” Len says proudly, standing from his chair and approaching his bristling boyfriend. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get to work.”

Barry grabs the pen from him before Len can put a hand on him. He scratches out his name and, in its place, writes the fucking dishes. He thrusts it back at Len, forcing him to take it. Len looks at Barry’s corrections, grinning with the right side of his mouth.

“If I do the fucking dishes, can I get a blow?”

Barry sighs. He knew this was where it would all end up. He wonders why he even bothers. He can do the dishes in way less time than it takes to argue with his obnoxious boyfriend. But it’s the principle.

Of course, if Barry could ditch his principles, maybe he’d be on the receiving end of a blow job more often.

He tosses the dish towel in Len’s smug, superior face.

“Depends on if you dry.”

[scarlett-ice]

Prompt if you're interested: Person A offhandedly mentions they want a dog, Person B makes it happen. Coldflash? Please

Sunday mornings are Len’s favourite.  It’s his and Barry’s one opportunity to simply stay in bed, relax and talk.  Sometimes they speak about their weeks, sharing funny anecdotes or concerns, sometimes they talk about their past, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Today, Barry was telling Len about some of the happier moments of his childhood before his mom died.  

“We had a dog, you know,” Barry murmurs, his head rested on Len’s chest.  He’s essentially using Len as a full body pillow, not that he’s complaining.  “My parents got her before I was born so I can only really remember her when she was pretty old.”

“What kind was she?” Len asks, stroking a hand down Barry’s spine.

“A Labrador,” Barry replies wistfully.  “Her name was Millie.  Even though she struggled to walk near the end, she always made to greet you when you came home.  I remember one time I was sick and apart from food and obligatory walks, she never left my bedside.  There’s nothing like a dog’s loyalty.”

“We never had pets growing up,” Len says, unable to keep out all the bitterness.  “It wasn’t really the sorta household for one.”

“Do you ever want a pet now?”

“I’ve never really thought about it.  I definitely wanted one when I was a kid but with my life-style…neber really had time to take care of one.”

Barry hums, the vibrations running across Len’s chest.  The speedster draws lazy patterns against Len’s skin that soothe him closer and closer back to sleep.

“Maybe one day we could get one?”  Barry asks and with him on the cusp of slumber, he barely hears the question, only repeating a slurred ‘maybe’ before succumbing.  He thinks no more of the topic.  

-

Barry is acting strange.  In itself, this wouldn’t be so concerning but Lisa is also acting strange.  What was supposed to be a simple lunch had turned into Lisa threatening bodily harm if he even dared thinking of leaving.  She says it’s because he hasn’t yet helped her pick the perfect dress for her next date with Ramon but Lisa has never once wanted his opinion.  As she herself had previously said, she knew what suited her body and honestly, Len didn’t want to think about that too hard.  

Len had tried to get out of it, first by texting and then calling Barry, but the texts he’d got in reply had been abrupt (with the excuse that he was busy, even though Len knows he has a half day today) and all his calls had gone straight to voicemail.   Len knows Barry wouldn’t be doing anything like cheating and he’s fairly certain he’s not missed some big anniversary or done anything to make Barry angry at him.  

Lisa then gets a call and all of a sudden, he’s needed no longer.

“Yeah, I think I’ll just go with the first one, the red dress,” she says flippantly and Len doesn’t want an argument so just leaves.  He heads straight for home, hoping he’s not going to be entering either an empty home or one filled with an irate Barry.  

Well, he’s certainly not greeted with either.  

Len nearly falls down from the impact of 45 pounds of fur.  He staggers against the door, supporting the weight of the white husky that’s trying to bounce high enough to lick his face.  It manages one long swipe on his cheek before it falls to the ground, tongue lolled and tail wagging.  Len just stares at it incredulously before his gaze is drawn upwards to his sheepish boyfriend.

“Um, surprise?”

“A surprise indeed,” Len comments dryly, bending down to scratch the husky behind the ears.  “I’ll assume this is why you and Lisa were acting so weird?”

“She promised to keep you busy while I got her,” Barry admits.  “But there was a problem and I had to stall and then I forgot dog toys so had to get them and Snowflake is very excitable and nearly got off the leash and-”

Len stops him there.  “Snowflake.  You named her snowflake?”

“She’s white!”  Barry defends.  “And you know…I thought it would suit her, us.”

“All that’s missing is golden retriever named Bolt,” Len replies wryly and when he sees Barry’s eyes widen he quickly adds, “Which is something we will do after a discussion.”

“We did discuss this!  I mean, it was a couple of months ago…but we did!”  Suddenly, Barry looks unsure, biting his lip.  “You’re not mad are you?  Because, I can always take her back, or I could promise to take care of her alone…”

With a final pat to Snowflake’s head, Len crosses the distance between him and Barry, taking the hero’s hands in his own.

“Hey, I’m not mad.  I did always want a pet, you’re right and it’s not like we don’t have the space, or time with your speed.  Thank you Barry.”

Len places a kiss against Barry’s mouth, feeling the speedster melt under him as their mouths mold together.  And then he’s… falling?

They collapse in a heap on the floor, Barry on top of him and Len struggling to catch his breath.  The two startled men look up to find Snowflake standing where Barry had previously been, tongue still out; the picture of innocence.

“I suppose we ought to get used to that,” Len sighs, unable to resist joining in when Barry starts laughing. Now wanting to be left out, Snowflake howls.

[Hope you like it! :D]

[exasperatedmoron]

[exasperatedmoron]

Barry: because of my metabolism, caffeine no longer gives me the rush i need to finish work. so, instead, i have len periodically text me "we need to talk" to give me the right amount of fear and adrenaline to keep me going

[exasperatedmoron]

[exasperatedmoron]

Barry: Well, what would the Care Bears say about how you show your feelings?

Len: It would depend on the bear, Barry.

[exasperatedmoron]

barry, taping a knife to a roomba and setting it loose: be free, my child.

len, entering the room with a small cut on his ankle and 10 roombas coming after him: BARRY WHAT THE F-

[exasperatedmoron]

Barry: did you just walk away from ray mid-conversation?

Len: he was boring me to death. my survival instincts kicked in.

[exasperatedmoron]

[texting]

Len: do you have anxiety prime?

Len: amazon*

Barry: i have both

Len: ... babe are you okay?

[exasperatedmoron]

Barry: i think we should have glow stick juice injected into our bones when we're born so if we break 'em there's a fun little surprise

Cisco: what's the surprise?

Len: blood poisoning

[exasperatedmoron]

Len: im gonna need you to swear-

Barry: fuck!

Len:

Len: swear as in 'promise', babe. but that was a cute try

[exasperatedmoron]

Barry: would you call the rogues "hard working"?

Len: absolutely.

Len: they make almost everything harder than it needs to be

[exasperatedmoron]