#light of my life. fire of my loins. hehhehe if you get the reference
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I told the school "psychologist" that I'm not going to kill myself because I promised him, my fp, that I won't kms. And she's like : well but that doesn't mean you'll keep the promise tho 😕
Woman.
If I'm down to kill myself if he asks then I'm also ready to live for him. Do not undermine that.
I'd walk across the fucking globe if he asked me to. I'd kill someone for him. I'd let him abuse me in any way he wanted - physical, mental, sexual - I don't care. I love him, I don't care. I need his attention. I need for him to notice me and care about me. And he is - stay winning girlies 🫰💕
#rereading is so embarrassing when you know that your bestie will read this and KNOW who tf I'm talking about#like yeah he's a middle aged man that u barely like but i lub him okay 🙄‼️#it's also embarrassing how happy and giddy i get when he even LOOKS at me#dad?sorry.dad?sorry.dad?sorry.dad?sor#also due to the paragraphing it might come off that he is abusing me#he's not#he could if he wanted to#but he won't#because he's the most amazing.gentle.kind.warmhearted.loving.understanding.compassionate.alltruistic.warm and generous person I've ever met#he's the sunshine in winter time. he's the campfire during a cold night out. he's like a lit sparkler on new years eve.#light of my life. fire of my loins. hehhehe if you get the reference#i wish i was a relative of his. like preferably daughter but little sister would be fine too. or cousin. or niece.#fuck. I'd marry his sister to be a part of his family#i just want him to care about me in a way that a dad cares about his daughter. i want him to adopt me. i want him to cook food for me.#i want him to comfort me when I'm sad. i want him to drive me to therapy. i want to go the grocery store with him.#i want him to buy my favourite food without me even asking. i want him to remember my birthday. i want him to bake cookies with me.#i want us to have a snowball fight together and make snowmen. i want us to go on walks together. i want to go camping with him.#i want him to help me with homework. i want him to teach me stuff about life.how to clean.how to cook. how to live.#i want to play video games with him. i want him to braid my hair. i want him to wash my back this once and then we can forge-#i NEED HIM TO LOVE ME#IT HURTS SO MUCH THAT NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE ME AS INTENSELY AND OBSESSIVELY AS I LOVE THEM#ESPECIALLY HIM. HE'S MY TEACHER. HE'S THE MOST DECENT PERSON ON THIS WOLRD. HE'D NEVER OVERSTEP BOUNDARIES.#i love him i love him i love him#and no matter what he'll do I'll never feel like he cares to the most extent he can because he doesn't want me sexually#like most people who i gaslit myself into thinking that they cared#yk??? like if he wants me. then why doesn't he USE me?? but like that also exactly what's so cool about him. he's gentle and decent and#bpd#living with bpd#bpd stuff#bpd fp
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