#light spinner reader insert

[all-things-alura]

Welcome!

My name is Joye Everett, and my primary blog is @dirt-apple-productions. You can also find me on other social media sites. I’m somewhat infamous for my controversial She-Ra takes, some of which involve Shadow Weaver. I’ve always thought that the show missed a lot of opportunities to make her a deep and interesting character, and due to my dissatisfaction with her arc, I’ve taken to writing a series of books about what I wish the writers would have done with her character (along with some self-indulgent goodies, of course).

This series is called the Alura Trilogy, after Shadow Weaver’s true name in old Masters of the Universe content. Currently the project exists as a series of novels on Wattpad, AO3, and Fanfiction.net. However, I am in the process of adapting these books to graphic novels, podfics, cartoons, and possibly a musical (that one is still up in the air).

This blog is dedicated to posting Alura-related content. Anyone is welcome, whether you

Like She-Ra or not

Have seen She-Ra or not

Agree with me about Shadow Weaver or not

Like Shadow Weaver or not

Like Catradora or not

The only thing I ask is that you are respectful and kind. I am not a Catradora shipper for several reasons, and they are portrayed as sisters in my story. Additionally, I do not believe that Light Spinner was abusive or manipulative toward Micah (although their relationship was definitely fraught even before the Spell of Obtainment), and that is also reflected in this project. Finally, I am of the opinion that Shadow Weaver’s death and overall arc was a massive writing blunder on the show’s part, and one of the reasons this series exists is to rectify what I see as egregious writing errors that contradict the core themes of the original show. If these takes bother you to the point where you cannot engage with this blog cordially, please refrain from interacting rather than causing a fuss. 🙏🏻

Things to Know:

Beta readers are always welcome! Please DM me or my main blog @dirt-apple-productions if you are at least 16 years old, have a strong grasp of English grammar, and sympathize with what I’m trying to accomplish with this series.

You may send asks, but be nice or I will delete your message. You can ask questions of any of the characters (I love roleplaying!) or of me as the author. I will reblog ask games every so often, so please feel free to engage with them!

I accept fanart submissions! Just submit them as a post and I will insert them into the Wattpad version of the story with credit to you. Nothing R-rated, please - no graphic violence, sexual content, or suicidal imagery.

I have other socials! Please take a look at my Instagram and Discord server as well.

The Latest Alura Announcement

And now, without further ado, here are the linkies! If the link doesn’t exist, it means the book has not been published yet, but it will be eventually.

Novel Editions:

THE ALURA TRILOGY: AO3 EDITION

THE ALURA TRILOGY: WATTPAD EDITION

THE ALURA TRILOGY: FANFICTION.NET EDITION

Alura || Starwalker || Sage || Failsafe || Seraphite

Starwalker is in the process of being crossposted to AO3 and Fanfiction.net, and updates on Sundays around 8:00 am CST.

Graphic Novel Editions (Coming Soon!)

Tumblr || Alura • Starwalker • Sage • Failsafe • Seraphite

Instagram || Alura • Starwalker • Sage • Failsafe • Seraphite

Facebook || Alura • Starwalker • Sage • Failsafe • Seraphite

Threads || Alura • Starwalker • Sage • Failsafe • Seraphite

Pinterest || Alura • Starwalker • Sage • Failsafe • Seraphite

Xitter || Alura • Starwalker • Sage • Failsafe • Seraphite

Bluesky || Alura • Starwalker • Sage • Failsafe • Seraphite

Deviantart || Alura • Starwalker • Sage • Failsafe • Seraphite

Wattpad || Alura • Starwalker • Sage • Failsafe • Seraphite

AO3 || Alura • Starwalker • Sage • Failsafe • Seraphite

[mozillavulpix]

for no reason, 10 Precure Toys that are the coolest

I'd say Top 10 but I can't rate them really and I'll definitely miss a few, so in no particular order.

Miracle Belltier and Fantastic Belltier (Suite Precure)

I think I like the Fantastic Belltier (white) more than the Miracle, but what I especially love about these is how there are three different attacks you can do depending on whether the two pieces are connected, split apart, or (the coolest one), if you have both of them, you can switch the pieces with each other

like what the hell. it sounds like a pain to have to recreate and maybe it was just a way to force people to buy both of them but also that's just the coolest idea

2. Pinky Catch (Yes! Precure 5)

I just think watches are the coolest transformation devices. It makes sense you carry them around, they're pretty gender-neutral, and can be a fashion accessory to boot. The Pinky Catch is an LCD toy, so it's a bit limited in its flashiness, but it does have a gimmick where you can open and close the 'lid'.

3. Flower Tact (Heartcatch Precure)

From what I can tell, Heartcatch was where they started moving away from LCD toys with limited audio capability (for the transformation devices at least), and I think that was a great decision. And the Kokoro Perfume is great. But what I love about the Flower Tact is the spinning. Physically spinning that rainbow wheel around just *looks* fun to do. The Shiny Tambourine also has that and I think it's great.

4. Love Heart Arrow (Doki Doki Precure)

Magical girl weapons that actually look like real-life weapons are the coolest. It feels pretty gross that the girls have to fight using makeup when the boys get to have swords and guns all the time. And the bow is in Doki Doki Precure's logo, so it's like it's an important part of the series. It doesn't look like the 'arrow' has much weight to it when you pull it back, which is a shame, but I guess this is also for children.

5. Fortune Piano (Happiness Charge Precure)

I do wish this one had a bit more functionality, it doesn't even have a card reader to register the cards you place in them, but I love electronic keyboards and this one has physical keys you press down as opposed to a touch screen mimicking a keyboard.

6. Princess Perfume (Go! Princess Precure)

I really do like both this and the perfume from Heartcatch, but this one has a neat gimmick where the more you press the button, the lower the light goes as if it's 'losing' liquid from the bottle, so it gives it a bit more to it. I just think it's a really solid transformation device. Nice design, nice gimmick, even if it's not the most unique.

7. Mofurun (Mahotsukai Precure)

Apparently this one sold like hotcakes. I'm actually not the biggest fan of it, but I do appreciate the hustle, it's a really smart idea. Instead of just having a random piece of plastic for the transformation device, you get to own an actual teddy bear at the same time. It's like a 2-in-1 package.

8. Twin Love Guitar (Hugtto Precure)

I'm biased for any of the musical instrument weapons tbh and I think I might like the guitar from Suite Precure a bit more but I already have something from Suite here and red and purple are just a cool colour combination.

9. Mermaid Aqua Pact (Tropical Rogue Precure)

This one's cool because it has a few ways to use it. The 'shell' pops out when you insert the ring, and you can put the 'makeup stick' into the pact to use it as a gun. Anything that turns into a gun is neat by my book.

10. Sky Mirage (Hirogaru Sky Precure)

The only one of these I actually own. I had to buy it the moment I saw it because...look at this shit, this is the coolest thing I've ever seen.

It uses a fast-rotating LED light to create patterns, and I don't think I've ever seen a Precure toy that's this complex in its operation. It honestly feels like the kind of thing they'd put in a Kamen Rider belt, not a Precure transformation device. Plus the Sky Tones can spin as well for extra use as fidget spinners.

I really hope it's the start of a trend for Precure toys being a bit more complex, because it does make me upset every time I see Kamen Rider get the coolest gimmicks I've ever seen while Precure is often limited to just "press a button and the clear part turns pink". It's almost...insulting. Like they're implying girls aren't intelligent enough to play with toys that have more involved features. Or maybe it's just because Kamen Rider is an older series with an adult otaku market and that's why a lot of the belts are sold via Premium Bandai instead but...still. They're still kids toys.

[commander-sparklebomb]

Could you do a shadow weaver (or light spinner) x a shy fem s/o?

“Ugh, who shelved these?” you grumble to yourself as you glare at a group of scrolls. They’re not just out of order—they’re in complete disarray. You snatch the misplaced scrolls and continue grumbling, your irritation growing with each one you find.

“Transmutation…divination…abjuration? Oh, if I ever find who put these back like this I’ll—”

As you turn around, your arms full of scrolls, you come face to face with Light Spinner and let out a startled yelp. A few of the scrolls tumble from your arms. Light Spinner picks them up and puts them back into place, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

“Something troubling you, darling?” she says. Heat rushes to your face and neck.

“H-how long have you been standing there?” you ask.

“Long enough to hear your quite frankly adorable griping.”

Your blush darkens. “L-Light Spinner…”

“My apologies,” she chuckles. “You make it far too easy to tease you.”

“You can make it up to me by helping me put these scrolls away.”

“If it means spending more time with my favorite girl, then I’d be happy to.”

You hide your face in the pile of scrolls in your arms while Light Spinner chuckles.

[stvllioner]

Wisdom Teeth Aftercare

                    LoV + Giran x [GN]Reader

CONTENT WARNING(S): sav attempting fluff, mentions of wounds & medicine doses, def an insert, semi established-relationships.

WORD COUNT: 1.5k [5 mins].

READ MORE: masterlist + [students & adult masterlists]

A/N: im in so so so much pain. wrote this because im lonley and would kill to have one of these beautiful characters to aid me. these would be longer if i wasnt so delirious rn. (not proofread)

Dabi knows what to do but also does not. 

hes been through a lot of painful situations wheres hes needed to take medication, and most times he isnt even able to take any. 

hes trying his best to comfort for you in his own little warped way. 

"Hey, sit back down" Dabi snaps at you in annoyance as you attempt to leave your bed, and rolls his eyes at your mumble-whining. "You're delirious right now, don't argue with me."

he makes sure that your night stand is always replenished. hes like a little nurse and even in your medicated haze, you find it super cute.

♱ you cant tell him that tho… he'll get pouty. not something you hate but its the bratty behavior that follows it.

gives you tons of forehead kisses because he cant give you cheek ones cuz of your swollen cheeks. 

its practically killing him he cant just cup them while theyre big the way they are. 

is definitely teasing you as he takes care of you. sometimes putting stuff out of your reach or eating a burger in front of you knowing you wont be able to do that for a couple of days. 

"Fine fine, say ahh-- oh wait." Dabi snickers. 

he really thought he ate, huh? i guess he did (literally).

Shigaraki does not know what hes doing. 

"You want cuddles or sumthin'??" He tilts his head as you look at him with the most annoying puppy dog eyes you can muster up. 

he unfortunately believes that you could suck it up but we all know its because deep down he enjoys pain a little too much. 

is actually persistent on giving you your meds for you to heal with.

although dont expect it to be accurate all the time…. 

he isnt as attentive and usually drops by to spend some time with you since he doesnt want you to be alone too much. 

even with how awkward it is, he'll give you the "normal'' amount of affection and give your head and cheekbone area light kisses for you to feel better.

"You know I can go steal a way stronger dose right?" 

If you could frantically shake your head no you would.

he'll sometimes let you play video games with him so he can also keep himself entertained as well. 

he doesnt assimilate into your schedule like Dabi does but he tries his best to still help you no matter what.

Toga in a very odd way is ecstatic that youre in pain. 

♱ not like she isnt “odd” already,,

shes very excited to play nurse and help you heal. probably dresses for the part too.

"We'll get you back up on your feet in no time!"Toga declares happily, shoving a small spoon into your mouth with applesauce on it. 

is whistling or humming as she helps you out and somehow acquired some non-prescriptive cute glasses. she'll tilt them up or press them closer as she checks the doses. 

shes actually pretty on top of it (but you do have to double check if its correct because you know how careless she can be without ill intent).

she'll get you stuff animals and blankets for you to nap in. 

has it so shes sleeping over (not that thats new anyways).

gives you lots of affections but makes sure to be soft so she doesnt hurt you by accident.

if youre in any kind of pain, you can always count Toga be there to aid you. 

frantic. 

youd think with Spinner's cool demeanor would make you think otherwise but nope. 

hes clocking your schedule and making sure you got everything set. 

"You have everything for 12 pm right?" He checks in and takes your small little nod as a yes. He releases a small sigh to himself and leaves to take a tinkle. He let's out one of the most loudest sighs of worry you've ever heard from him. It's pretty funny when you realize he's been trying to keep composed this whole time.

unlike Toga, he has actual glasses. 

looks like such a grandpa taking care of you. 

youre so entertained by him that honestly it distracts you a bit from the soreness and the pain. 

he gets mopey when he cant cuddle you on days where youre in too much discomfort. 

has you basically nesting as you recover. 

a little all over the place? yes. would you still rate your experience with his 10/10? 

of course.

literally do not expect too much from him. 

with all Twice's sides it really differs on what youre getting that day (sometimes throughout if its a hectic 24 hours).

he is trying his best since he doesnt like seeing you in pain and gives you lots of kisses. 😭

idc what anyone says out of the whole league, hes the most caring. 

when hes attentive, hes on it. 

checking your temp, getting your foods, making sure you have your cool & hot pads. also has alarms so he can remind himself when to check up on you. 

unfortunately he doesnt want to seem like a bother so he tries to not to be too much in your space </3

he knows you dont mind but he gets self conscience as he normally does. 

even when hes not tending to you hes just chilling in your vicinity when you two arent interacting. 

he thinks he couldve helped you more but you think he did great. 

Mr Compress is all the extravaganza. you said calling in sick, bro heard "time to pamper and preform".

even if its the smallest things he'll give it to you in fun little ways so you arent bored out of your mind. 

♱ and also so you dont feel skipping out on doses and actually take them. 

you werent aware but this mf also has multiple costumes?? youre pleased to have learnt this. 

he is a show man after all…

of course he doesnt over do it, he wants you rested not overstimulated. 

is a very chill man to be around when hes not doing flip and tricks and you cant decide which of him you like more (you dont choose ultimately).

of course he has a little something up his sleeve to keep you on your toes but you cant complain with that. 

did he essentially treat you like a kid? yes. 

do you care tho? not at all. 

Kurogiri is the most put together out of them. 

(youre supposed to be surprised by this revelation.)

i mean, what do you expect from a man who has taken care of another man for years…?

makes sure youre doing everything so you can recover expeditiously. 

isnt doing all that affection stuff honestly. 

he drops in, replenishes everything you need and dips. 

he kind of treats you like youre sick and it lowkey hurts your feelings with how much he avoids you. 

in general hes give an average amount of affection so you sometimes have to speak up when he hasnt cuddled you for some time. 

even with all your requests he never seems bothered how much you ask and what you ask for. :')

he is pretty good but sometimes you wish he could be a bit softer (sue me).

imagine Toga but 2.0. 

Magne isnt as energetic and into the role of the 'nurse' but is very much still doting. 

feeds you in the beginning stages before you gotta remine them that they definitely dont have to. 😭

when youre feeling extra cranky theyll try and coax you into it (consensually ofc who do you think youre with?!)

"I know you don't feel like it but you'll feel much better once you take it." Magne rubs your shoulder as you whimper in pain, and presses a gentle and chaste kiss to your temple. 

even with how bubbly and outgoing they are, they are just as stern. 

is one to make sure youre having a laid experience while making sure your lazy attitude will not interfere with your healing process. 

makes sure to have a big celebration thing when you are fully healed and gives you all the cuddles that you may have missed out on when you were healing. 

AHT AHT stfu hes on the list dont say anything. 

Giran's methods may be ghetto but he gets the job DONE. 

"Y'know I got my own knocked out by and old friend of mine" 

"Mmphwha…?" 

"Crazy shit, I know! But he's some psychiatrist or sumthin' so I trusted the bastard anyways!" 

um… moving on…

is in and out of your place but makes sure that youre well taken of when hes there. 

its like a roulette if when you wake up he'll be on your bed watching TV or if hes nowhere to be seen without a trace. 

will give you the rare kiss but more of his gentle behaviors are like little pokes to your cheeks just because of how puffy they are. 

♱ got you those get well presents and theyre so cute. </3

his treatment is nothing special but it definitely helped you feel better. 

[villain-sympathizer]

Could you write a fic where ReDestro takes reader, who's a member of the League (kind of like League dad like how he's MLA dad) on a date, and when he gets there to pick them up, the whole League gives him a hard time protective sibling style? Is that too much? Sorry if it is.

you're darn tootin' i can write that!!

────── ･ ｡ﾟ: *.☽ .* : ｡ﾟ･ ──────

Re-Destro x GN!Reader; Takes place after MVA arc, but before the PLF vs. Heroes battle

[Contents: Platonically protective league; Mentions/threats of murder (thanks to Dabi and Tomu) but no actual violence; Season 5/MVA arc spoilers; Possible grammar issues lmao]

Word count: 806

[[Note: I write my x readers in third person and completely non-descript, so that others can insert either themselves or OCs if they want!]]

»»—— Impromptu Interrogation ——««

"Still can't believe it's you they're going out with," Jin comments while Rikiya smoothes out his tie in the floor-length mirror, before his other voice chimes in with: "Couldn't think of anyone better!"

Rikiya and the newly formed Paranormal Liberation Front, sans the original members of the Meta Liberation Army, were all gathered in one of the many living room spaces of his mansion, awaiting for one of their original members to arrive. Said member was one he planned on taking out on a date, and their team mates decided to interrogate him while he nervously fiddled with his suit and paced around the room.

"Better not be planning anything weird with them after dinner," Dabi pipes in from his spot on one of the couches, legs spread and arms draped over the back of the cushions. "Or we won't hesitate to finish you off, like Shigaraki was supposed to." He motions to their leader, who took residence on the comfy-looking recliner and almost seemed to be asleep, if it weren't for the middle finger he gave Dabi in response.

"Fuck off," Tomura's voice comes out gravely, with a slight croak to it. "But also, he's right. I'll decay the rest of you just like I did to your legs if you try anything on them."

Rikiya let out a shaky breath, turning away from the mirror to resume his anxious pacing. "I have no intentions with them after dinner, except to bring them back home. You have my word."

"That better be all, or I won't hesitate to cut you, baldy!" Toga shoots the commander a vicious grin from her spot on the floor, a pillow placed beneath her knees for comfort as she continues her board game with Jin at the coffee table. Spinner was also playing alongside them, but was either uninterested in the topic, or simply unwilling to join in on such a ridiculous argument.

Mr. Compress makes his way over to the ever-worrying CEO, deciding to show at least a smidge of kindness to him by helping to fix and smooth out the older mans suit. "My colleagues' threats are as empty as their skulls, my friend," he hums from beneath his mask, making sure Rikiya's tie was properly tightened. "Pay no mind to them. I'm sure thing's will go smoothly with [Name], you have nothing to fear."

Rikiya offers him a grateful smile, about to thank the masked man for his reassurance, until his tie was gripped and he was harshly yanked forward by the force of the others robotic arm.

"However," Compress begins, voice low so that only the two of them could hear. "Unlike theirs, my threats are nowhere near as empty. You best treat them with more respect than your ancestor you love so much, or so help me, I'll throw your compressed marble to the bottom of the ocean before I release you from it. Understand?"

When Compress got a nod from the other, he lets go with a cheerful 'Good!' just as the door to the living area opened, revealing the very topic of the groups conversation. They were dressed nicely, just formally enough for a light romantic dinner date - but Rikiya could have swore he were staring at a deity in that very moment.

Once the door closed, [Name] looked up and around the room, about to give a greeting to the group with a smile. However, they quickly noticed the tense atmosphere around a couple of the members, especially with the two men closest to them. "Oh, uh... I'm not interrupting something, am I?"

Rikiya's brought out of his short stupor when he hears their voice, straightening his back and putting on a charming grin. "No, not at all! I was just asking Mr. Compress here to make sure my tie was straight," he assured, making his way over to his partner and gently taking their hand, pressing a quick kiss to it. "Are we ready to depart, dear?"

His charisma was contagious, and [Name] couldn't help but give a bashful smile in return as they blushed. "Why yes, yes I am," they respond, before turning to address the rest of the group. "You lot better not have hassled him while I was getting ready, or I swear..." A chorus of 'Noooo...' is groaned amongst the lounging villains, and [Name] knew that was the best they'd get from their friends. "Well then, Riki, let's head out, shall we?"

"Yes, lets," Rikiya agrees with them, opening the door to let his partner leave first, then making his way through the doorway himself. Before the CEO closes the door, he catches a glimpse of the League all shooting various glares his way just before the door clicks into place.

Rikiya made sure the both of them were back by 10 pm on the dot.

[insomniamamma]

Masterlist: Oh crap I guess I write fic now (and some original art)

Prospect:

Egret AU:

Greenhorn: Young!Ezra x F!reader

Fairy Tale of Puggart Bench: Young!Ezra X F!reader

Entangled: Young!Ezra x F!reader

Nightswimming: Young!Ezra x F!reader

Prickle:

Prickle: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Brigand: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Rain: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Pigment: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Where the Heart is: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Clean Dirt: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Ribbons and Wings: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Screaming Mimis: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Sacellum: Ezra xF! reader w/Cee

Safe: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Found: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee **smut**

Night of Hunters: Ezra xF!reader w/Cee

Fancy: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Indulgence: Ezra x F!reader

Christmas in the Ephrate: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Seasonal: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Ezra + Little Microfic: Ezra x F!reader

Glory: Ezra x f!reader

Liminal:

“Ferris Wheels Are For Old People”: Ezra x F!Reader w/Cee

Liminal: Ezra and Cee (no reader insert)

“Surf City Goodness”: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Late Bloomers: Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

Tricks (Or How Bee Girl Got Seduced Into A Life of Crime): Ezra x F!reader w/Cee

By Starlight Alone: Ezra x F!reader

Oneshots:

Euphemisms: Ezra x F!reader

To Have and to Hold: Ezra x Gn!Reader

Persistence: Ezra xF!Reader w/Cee

Remain Nameless: Ezra and Cee w/Gn!Reader

Collide: Ezra x Gn!Reader

Stuck: Ezra x f!reader

Ezra + Hopeful Microfic: Ezra and Cee

Tessellation: Ezra and Cee

Needles & Pins: Tattoo Artist!Ezra x f!reader w/cee

Threefold: Ezra x f!reader w/Cee

Gravity: Ezra x F!reader

Headcannons:

Soft!Ezra headcannons

The Mandalorian:

Blue Morning: Fennec Shand x f!Twi’lek reader

The Shallow: Din Djarin x F!reader

Snow Day: Din & Grogu

Neighbors: Din Djarin x F!reader w/Grogu

Dragon AU:

Dragon: Boba Fett x Gn!Reader

Small Stakes: Boba Fett x Gn!Reader

Bright Lights, Big City: Boba Fett x Gn!Reader

Atin’ika AU:

Stubborn: Din Djarin x Gn!reader

Hands: Din Djarin x Gn!reader w/Grogu

The Song of the Wrong Response: Din Djarin x Gn!reader

Triple Frontier:

About What We Want: Frankie Morales x f!pregnant!reader

Vanilla: Frankie Morales x f!reader **smut**

Pumpkin Guts: Frankie Morales x f!reader

Frisbees and Cherry Trees: Frankie Morales x f!reader

Over Easy: Frankie Morales x f!reader

Changes: Frankie Morales x f!reader

Maze (Changes AU): Frankie Morales x f!reader

The Triple Frontier Boys and Kittens

The Triple Frontier Boys and Spiders

House Comes With A Bird:

Ephemera: Nico (House Comes with a Bird) x f!reader.

Surrender: Nico (House Comes with a Bird) x f!reader

Nautical Twilight: Nico (House Comes with a Bird) x f!reader

Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own: Nico (House Comes with a Bird) x f!reader

Nico NSFW Alphabet

Somnophilia with Nico

Crowdstrike: Nico (House Comes with a Bird) x f!reader

The Last of Us:

In The Light They Both Look The Same: Joel Miller x f!sexworker!reader

Spinner: Joel MIller X F!reader

Forever’s Gonna Start Tonight: Joel Miller x F!reader

Pussy Whipped: Joel Miller, Ellie Williams & Reader + Jones the cat

Year of Kisses: 

Closing Time: Marcus Pike x f!reader

Glory: Ezra x f!reader (Prickle’verse AU)

The Shallow: Din Djarin x F!reader

Tessellation: Ezra and Cee

Threefold: Ezra x f!reader w/Cee

Gravity: Ezra x F!reader

We Came Along This Road: Frankie Morales x F!reader

Neighbors: Din Djarin x F!reader w/Grogu

Navigations: Din Djarin X f!reader w/Grogu

Marcus Pike:

Closing Time: Marcus Pike x f!reader

The One That I Call Baby: Marcus Pike x f!reader

The Right Way To Fall: Marcus Pike x f!reader

Kermit (SNL):

The Second Kind: Kermit (SNL) x f!reader

Fan  Art:

Fae King Ezra

Haunted Din

Naga Oberyn

Nico on the rooftop in a sunset made beautiful by smog

Selkie Cee

Original Art:

Art thing(webcomic IDK what the actual title is yet):

Panel 1 comms array

Panel 1 progress vid

Panel 2 control console (in progress)

Moodboards:

Rainer Maria Rilke

aesthetic game

queen of poisons

Azra Tabassum (Ezra vibes)

 ​

[thekillingjoke-haha]

Beauty Sleep

Marvel and Supernatural bingo

Square:Sleeping Beauty

Castiel x Archangel!Reader

Warning?: Reader seems bad, Twist on Sleeping Beauty/Snow White, Poisoning, Wicked Father,ect.

A/n: [This text is a memory]

Tag: @thisismysecrethappyplace

The loud clap of a book dropping on the table startled the brothers for their own research. "What the hell,Cas." The eldest said more then likely woken up for his half sleep mind set. "I found it." He said as he pointed to the thick book.

"Found the weapon that can restore balance." He explained further causing them to grow intrigued. It was the weapon they were looking for that could keep Angels in heaven,demons in hell,and other supernatural in purgatory. The one thing that can fix everything."Perfect where do we get it?" Sam asked as he pulled the book three times thicker then the largest dictionary towards him. "Where do we find her you mean." Castiel said making the Winchester's look at him confused.

Dean cleared his throat and dragged his hand down his face. "Her? The weapon is a person?!" He asked. "Not exactly. She was the first Archangel made by both God and Amare. Legend has it she's more powerful then both of them she could create life with ease and equally wipe it without so much as a single thought. Because of this she had to be put to rest." The angel explained further.

"If she's so powerful how is she "put to rest" can't she wake herself up?" Dean asked as he looked over his brother's shoulder at the book. "Apparently her prison has hex symbols that takes away and returns her grace in a constant loop to keep her weak yet alive." The younger brother explained pointing out the drawing of the three symbols on the page. "So a real life sleeping beauty? Sweet! I always fit the role of prince charming ya know?" Dean said cockily posing victoriously.

The angel rolled his eyes. "There's a catch,Dean. It says once we break those symbols all of heaven and hell will feel it. The creations that she made will hunt her down...all things supernatural will come for her,but once she's back in full power she'll be able to cloak herself." Cas said as he paced slightly. If she was a powerful as legend had it she could fix it all for them. "Her creations? She made the monsters we hunt?! I thought that was Eve." Dean exclaimed as he ran a hand through his hair. "That's a common misconception the apple she ate gave he knowledge that only three beings knew. That special apple was made from her grace." That's when the angel paused as his words raked over him. "Her garden was never just a place it was her prison."

"The garden of Eden. What's this Angel's name?" Sam asked as he flipped through the book and tried to find a name,but all he saw was angel of light and darkness,the perfect balance. "God was nice enough to name it after her. Eden the first Archangel,but she's gone by many names before." He said.

Dean looked at the book with Sam. "Where do we find the magical garden? No book supernatural or not ever gave a location." The eldest asked and it was a good question. "The garden never stays in the same place for to long it moves often. One day it could be in a forest the next in a mountain." Cas said with a sigh it was impossible to find the prison with out a bit of her grace to track the source.

"Her grace is strong even a little can help us. Even if a millennia has gone by and it's became one with the elements it can help." Cas explained. "Cain" The name fell from Dean's lips as he numbly rubbed where the mark once was. "Cain is the son of Adam and Eve. Eve had that grace in her system she must have pasted it to him!" With that the boys packed up and were heading to Cains house to use him as a tracking device. The day long drive dragged on and with those time Sam continued to ask questions.

Most of the questions the angel had no answer to until one made him freeze up. "How did it happen in the first place? Was she casted out of heaven like Lucifer?" The younger Winchester asked. "I think Chuck poisoned her. She was like Lucifer she questioned a lot of things it was a new angelic trait, curiosity, except she loved all creatures and things Chuck made so when he makes something new she was the first to see and that was the last time any angel has seen her." The vivid memory came to mind.

The giggle of the young fledglings filled the air. A girl with H/c hair dragged a younger version of himself around. "My little raven come look! Father has created such beautiful things." She said as she showed him the flowers in her hand each different from the other. "What are they called?" He asked tilting his head. "Father said I can name them,but I can't think of anything...come help me plant them on earth there we can name them!" She said using her three pairs of large F/c wings to bring them to earth before humans were even thought about.

The soil on the ground was dark and it was vastly different from the sand surrounding it. With gentle hands she planted all of the flowers and together the angels named them. "Hmmm..." The girl hummed. "What is it Y/n?" He asked her. "We need something to keep them growing in numbers, raven." She said using a stick to draw on the dirt. "What should it look like?" Y/n asked him as she was going to go to her father to create it.

"Um...give it wings and make it the color of those sunflower over there." Castiel suggested. The drowning at took a couple tries,but as the kept adding and removing things they got what they wanted. Without realizing that the archangel just made multiple winged creatures on a whim and she wasn't even trying. God saw it all a d it scared him,but he couldn't do anything about it when his sister along with his other archangels would be there to stop him. He had to wait.

Three mil past and the two children grew bigger and she grew stronger. The small patch has turned into a garden of various plants that were only found in different climates around the world. Together they went there everyday even more often after the imprisonment of Amara and Lucifer along with the disappearance of Gabriel. Michael was busy trying to keep order after the two archangels left so it was his chance. Chuck called his daughter to see another one of his inventions,but that time was so much different from the others. Afterwards she didn't comeback she was never seen in heaven again and on that day a tree taller then any other in that garden with apples of pure gold grew.

The garden of Eden disappeared after Eve ate the forbidden fruit and it wasn't ever seen again by man,angel,nor demon knew of it location. Cas lost his friend and he knew it was god that did it even if he was suppose to be a loyal soldier he couldn't when he knew that the father of creation so willingly got rid of his most prized pupil what would he do to all the underlings.

Hours have past they stand in Cains living room. "Cain we don't need much from you just some of your blood that's all." Cas said as Dean explained what for. It took some convincing,but he agreed and bleed into a vile. "You guys better stop this apocalypse before shit hits the fan." He said as he shut them back out of his house. Sam handed the vile to Cas. "Now what do we do?" He asked the angel. Without saying a word he pulled something from his pocket a old looking compass. "Rowan taught me a location spell all I need to do is..." Pouring the small amount of blood on the glass of the compass and spoke in Latin causing the red substance to disappear. "...follow the arrow." Cas finished.

The arrow spinner rapidly as it settled on the strongest pull of the grace. "Looks like we're heading west. We have a estimated week before it changes course so off we go." Cas said as they all went back to the car. Keeping his eyes trained on it a small smile formed on his lips. "I'm coming N/n." He whispered to himself. Almost five thousand miles away a the unmoving body had a shocking pull of her lip at the mention of her name if only that could have woken her up for her comatose state.

It's been three days on the road and the impala had to come to a stop a thick treeline stopped them. The dirt road turned into a hiking trail and they had no choice,but to go on foot. Together they hiked up the trail blindly following the arrow through the woods. "Cas what are we suppose to be looked for?" Sam asked as he stepped over a fallen tree branch. "The closer we get the more exotic the plants and animals will be. Also be careful some of the wild life is experimental." The angel warned causing the brothers to freeze. "What do you me by experimental? Are we going to see a truducken?!" Dean asked jokingly as he looked around.

A loud snarling noise caused him to pull out his gun and look around. "More like human eating plants and venomous insects." This made Sam tense and stick closer to a still walking Castiel and Dean to cautiously does the same looking at each and every plant close by. "What is this fucking Jumanji?!?! Everything can kill us." Dean said keeping his gun up and ready to fire. "Oh, that was the name of the movie. Yeah those types of movies were based off of what explores experienced when getting to close to the garden." The blue eyed angel said with a shrug.

In a clearing they all look with widened eyes at the land before them. Flowers of all types with various animals and inserts. They watched in wander at everything creatures they've never seen or never insisted out of the garden. Everything was in bloom even though it was mid fall. There was a clear gravel path cutting off between the forest and wonderland in front of them.They wandered around since it became more difficult to find where the pull was unclear. "She won't be in plain sight she'll be hidden well. Look for something that doesn't quite match the rest. Trees of all kinds surrounded the area,but it was Sam who noticed the sand that mirrored a sky full of stars. He slowly followed it till it grew thick into a sanded path.

The youngest Winchester had his eyes trained down so when he looked up the apple tree before his eyes took his breath away. It looked straight out of a child's most imaginative fantasy. A white trunk with red leaves and the most noticeable feature the solid gold apples on it's branches. Sam didn't hear the voices of his brother or friend as he stepped closer directly under one of the low hanging fruits. Reaching up he picked the ripe fruit his brown eyes glazed over by temptation and curiosity. "SAM DON'T EAT THAT THAT!!!" Cas yelled using his grace to stop him mid bite. The angel looked in horror at the item in his hand a dark purple almost black apple sat in his friend's hands.

To anyone mortal it looked beautiful with it golden exterior,but Cas could see the ugly,fermented,poisoned inside. Glancing up the tree was rotting with barely any leaves and the few left were the color of blood. "It's poisoned their all poisoned." His words cleared the Winchester's vision of the tree and the surrounding woods all the plants were dead all around it. "It's beautiful on the outside,but deadly on the inside. And we're seeing it for what it truly is."

"It's clear as day that's she's here. Just how do we get to her?" Dean asked looking around. Castiel snapped towards Sam holding his hand out. "Do you still have the book?!" Sam nodded quickly taking the strap off his shoulder to dig it out of the bag. He handed it over the the angels that viciously flipped through the pages. "He made her a monster so a beast she became. She was blinded by curiosity and temptation she chose wrongly that day. Pick the fruit that doesn't call to you for the right one will choose you." He read word for word trying to see through the riddle. A beast? She was never a monster,but she was depicted as one. A angel that tainted the flock.

The Archangel landed gracefully in front of her father. She bowed on one knee as a warrior would clashed in her white armor and sword by her side. "Stand my child." She stood up looking at him. "Yes,father?" Her voice was gentle,but that didn't make the God of creation hesitate in his actions. "I've made something new for you to try and plant in the garden." Chuck said handing her the item. The skin was red and the surface was smooth unlike the peach that had a light fuzz. "What is this?!" Her e/c eyes burned bright her wings fluttering in excitement. "A red apple my dear." He said softly a smile on his lips stepping closer "Taste it."

Bringing it to her mouth she took a bite out of it and started to chew. It started of sweet,but became bitter within seconds and no matter how long she chewed it never broke down in size for long. "Father...something not right." She said that single bite still in her mouth. "Trial and error,darling, try to swallow it." Her h/c hair bobbed as she nodded. With a gulp she swallowed it down,but to her shock it stopped. Using her free hand she beaten at her chest to unblock her air way. Looking up at her creator she saw a look that can only be described as pure evil as a liquid poured out of her mouth.

Touching her chin a dark violet substance came dripped to the ground. Her gaze shifted to the apple within her hand and the inside no longer looked right. It was as if it gone bad from the inside,but the outside stayed fresh hiding the disgusting center. In fear she stepped back and with that she fell and continued to fall watching her home fade away. Y/n broke through the soil of the earth in a prison of her own design that she cared for and nurtured. Her arm dropped from her side the apple rolling away. The deceitful visibly harmless fruit planted it seed and grew becoming the only way to enter her personal mausoleum.

Castiel looked at the tree. All of the fruit looked the same nothing was different about a single one of them. Together the trio walked around the looming tree. The Winchester's saw something beautiful and they couldn't help,but want to pick one of the apples to taste. "What do we do,Cas. We don't have much time before this place disappear and possibly taking is with it." Dean said flinging his hands in the air. "The riddle said to wait then that's what we must do.

They grouped together and sat at the base of the tree waiting for who knows what to happen. "This is stupid! Let's just get the shovels from baby and start di–" His words were cut short as a apple full down from above them. "Well that was covenant." Sam said as Cas picked it up. To the brothers it looked odd a bronze color compared to the rest just less appealing. While to Castiel it looked horrible making the clearly deadly fruits more appetizing. "Our key in." He said. Using his hands to break it open to reveal the mouth watering interior that a honey like liquid dripped from,they picked correctly. The ground began to shake and they all stepped away from the base of the tree as the dirt around it caved in making a spiral staircase down and down they went.

It was pitch black down there so Sam and Dean pulled out flash lights to look around. They all went around the surprisingly large pocket in the ground. Dean checked for the symbols when he tripped over roots and landed on something hard and and moving. Snapping up he shined the light on the women laying as if sleeping in front of him. She was in white leather armor with a sliver sword in her hands on her chest. "Didn't find any hex symbols,but here's sleeping beauty." He said looking her over she rested on a raised stone that worked as her bed. "Never mind found them." The markings from the book in a pyramid shape was on one side of the bedrock glowing a soft F/c. Sam walked over along with Cas. The knifes both brothers held was used to break the engraved symbols,but nothing happened.

"No no no that's not right. Y/n is suppose to be freed!" The angel in distress said as he flicked through the book nothing else was said to be imprisoning her, why didn't it work? The Winchester's examined her the youngest looking at the elegant armor while the oldest focused more of the feminine features. "Sammy you read that book while in the car. Didn't you say something about her being the first female?" He asked his eyes not leaving her. "Yeah a model for Eve and later Amara's less celestial form. Why?" Sam asked touching the blade of the sword. "Yeah if that’s try why does she have a Adam's apple?"Cas wasn't fully paying attention until that sentence. His blue eyes imminently went to her throat were a noticeable lump was. "That wasn't there before." He mumbled loud enough for them to hear. Placing his ear just a centimetre away from her lips a shallow breath was let out and a wheezed inhale drew it back in.

The angel put his overlapping hands on her chest. He didn't know everything about humanity,but he knew enough to understand what he was about to do. He pushed with all his strength and he heard a sharp breath push out it just wasn't enough to dislodge whatever was there. Cas continued his actions and just when he was giving up hope she coughed up the chunk of apple and a weird substance. F/c glowing eyes snapped open as she lurched forward her grace burning bright casting a shadow behind her. It was a sight to see three sets of wings,what can only be described as a halo,along with twisted horns. After the grace calmed down her eyes returned to their normal color and they instantly when to Cas a wide smile spreading on her face. "My raven." She said. Y/n knew why she was awoken after all this time. To fight in a war she wanted no part of,but with the thought of putting everything in balance and striking down her father where he stood made her ready to fight. After all she felt like she's had enough Beauty Sleep.

/////////

A/n: This one took a minute,but I was torn between sleeping beauty and snow white since both of them fall asleep so a mix of both.

Also post #69....Noice

[beneathstarryskies]

Masterlist

Okay, so this is my masterlist for all the oneshots and headcanons I have so far! I will do my best to keep it up to date! If there are any issues with links not working or anything like that please let me know!

Star Wars

Fics

Arranged Marriage; General Hux x OC; Angst

Armitage Hux engages in an arranged marriage with Princess Bedelia of Vaela.

A/N: As of right now this is a oneshot, but I am considering expanding upon it.

fight me you handsome stranger; Obi Wan x OC; Angst, light fluff

Obi Wan and his lover must part in the wake of Anakin’s turn to darkness.

A/N: While I can’t technically call this a reader insert, the oc is not very fleshed out.

quiet moments; Obi Wan x Reader; Fluff

A chronology of all the times Obi Wan almost confesses his love for the reader, and what happens when he finally does. 

Headcanons

kissing obi wan

 Alphabets

Orson Krennic; full alphabet

Mando; I, J, K, M

Obi Wan; full alphabet

Harry Potter

Fics

only a kiss; Severus Snape x Narcissa Malfoy; smut and angst

Narcissa visits Spinners End for comfort after realizing her life is falling apart.

a bit of studying;  Remus Lupin x Reader; fluff and smut. Wee bit of angst.

Remus and (y/n) put off studying in favor of a more physical activity

Alphabets

Remus Lupin; full alphabet

Evil Dead/Ash Vs Evil Dead

Fics

Dumb and Arrogant; Ash Williams x Reader; smut

Ash and Y/N have been mutually pining for a while. A bit of time alone allows them to explore their growing affections.

Headcanons

Halloween with Ash

MCU

five stages of grief; Pepper Potts x Tony Stark; angst, grief

Pepper has to adjust to a life without Tony.

DC

Fics

In The Night; Bruce Wayne x OFC; angst

It’s a quiet night in Gotham, and Bruce can’t seem to stop thinking about her.

Peaky Blinders

Fics

Hell Doesn’t Freeze; Alfie Solomons x OC; angst, fluff, smut

Nobody knew that when Tommy shot Alfie, someone would miss him.

Cobra Kai/The Karate Kid

Fics

waking up together; Johnny Lawrence x Reader; fluff

Johnny wakes up with his girlfriend.

Alphabets

NSFW Alphabet with Johnny Lawrence

[mx-shigaraki]

My requests are open! Im not expecting any requests but... just in case!

You can do it anonymusly or publicly.

You can choose a ship (I write most ships) or reader insert! 

I DO WRITE POLYAMOURUS RELATIONSHIPS!

- themes -

~angst (heavy or light)

~fluff/ sfw

~ headcannons 

~comfort 

 ~Kinda spicey

~ lyric fic

-  characters i will not write! -

~mineta

~shouji, satou and kouda (Nothing against them.)

~ endeavour

~ magna 

~ spinner 

~ monoma 

[bluewithpurplepolkadots]

Sporking The Half-Blood Prince (2/30)

Chapter 2: Spinner’s End.

 In which Bellatrix is a stand in for a passionate fan at a filmed interview and Snape is Rowling’s self insert all while Narcissa desperately tries to help secure her sons’ future at this parent-teacher conference.

Warning: certain things after a Cursed Child rears its ugly head while I read this.

Chapter one: The Other Minister: [here]

--

Many miles away the chilly mist that had pressed against the Prime Minister's windows drifted over a dirty river that wound between overgrown, rubbish-strewn banks. An immense chimney, relic of a disused mill, reared up, shadowy and ominous. There was no sound apart from the whisper of the black water and no sign of life apart from a scrawny fox that had slunk down the bank to nose hopefully at some old fish-and-chip wrappings in the tall grass. 

Overall, I’d say this is kind of a sterotype many have of previous industrial cities.  Once a major hub for industry (probably textiles), but now no longer and now it’s ugly and it smells and nothing is invested in.  According to google this fictional place is apparently set in the Midlands (Oh hi, I live there currently) so I’m sure all the fans from there can also swell in pride along with everyone who thinks the ‘wretched’ President the muggle prime minister was referring to in the previous chapter was referring to their own.  Rowling so loves her fans.

Rowling herself apparently invented a town called Cokeworth for this street to sit in, but since it’s not a name in the books it’s not exactly canon all in all. 

And I’m kind of glad, because the chapter never mentions they’re in England either (I guess you can argue the mist but god have we had a lot everywhere this Christmas on both Islands), and there’s a place called Coagh (pronounced ‘Coke’ and I even thought it was spelt like that back then) back in my home country of Northern Ireland. So I’m pretty sure my dyslexic ass  would have twisted the name and thought that meant that that all this time Snape sounded a little bit like this:

And like some people like our accents (for whatever reason) but it certainly means that whole first speech about potions in first year probably sounded less impressive if that was true. “Ensnaring the mind, bewitching the senses, oh god it’s desperate.”

It also sort of sounds like people make or sell cocaine there but whatever. 

Still, aw look a fox. I love little urban critters honestly. 

Anyway the fox is soon disturbed by its hope for a meal by humans appearing out of nowhere and through its yelp ends up being offed by Bellatrix (who is overly paranoid):

"Just a fox," said a woman's voice dismissively from under the hood. "I thought perhaps an Auror--Cissy, wait!"

(What a horrible nickname to give your sister. So it actually seems like something a sibling would do. Well done Rowling).

Also, given the fact that foxes sound like this:

It actually says a lot that Bellatrix thinks an Auror, or any human really, sounds like that. She must be used to people barking/screaming at her on sight (which y’know, probably) and running on all fours.

But then I remember animagi exist and the cousin who she killed a few weeks ago here could turn into a dog so it makes a bit more sense. Still, I think my idea works too.

R.I.P dear fox. Hopefully Sirius will be nice to you and not chase you around.

Anyway Narcissa doesn’t have time to contemplate this kind of thing unlike me and could give two fucks about her sister, (and the Dark Lord’s lieutenant), trying to stop her, and while they are siblings it is a little impressive. Especially since Bellatrix later waxes about sacrificing her own hypothetical sons (read: any family member) for the cause and Narcissa probably knows this.

They observe the ugly landscape:

"He lives here?" asked Bella in a voice of contempt. "Here? In this Muggle dunghill? We must be the first of our kind ever to set foot--"

I’d argue the point that Snape living there means that obviously they’re not the first of their ‘kind’ to set foot there but whatever honey. ‘Cissy’ didn’t ask you to come. But before knowing its Snape here the reader may wonder if it’s some Squib or even a muggle they’re meeting but nah. (That would be interesting, well mostly confusing, but yeah.)

Bella starts arguing with her about who she is going to and that they can’t be easily trusted. Cissy fires back that Bella’s (ugh) boyfriend Voldecakes trusts him too but Bella horror of horrors says that she thinks her honeybun might be mistaken on this guy. (Isn’t that sometimes the way? The boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever hates your friends and won’t place nice with them. How rude.)

Narcissa eventually has enough of her sister trying to block her:

"Let go, Bella!" snarled Narcissa, and she drew a wand from beneath her cloak, holding it threateningly in the other's face. Bella merely laughed. "Cissy, your own sister? You wouldn't--" "There is nothing I wouldn't do anymore!" Narcissa breathed, a note of hysteria in her voice, and as she brought down the wand like a knife, there was another flash of light. Bella let go of her sister's arm as though burned.

Bella please you have no right to be surprised given your own attitudes to family vs the cause. But still this all does kind of connect with Deathly Hallows in the end. And while I still maintain it was ridiculous Voldemort didn’t check Harry was dead himself as Narcissa hated him at that stage, it is at least a connection. Another example of a mother’s love messing things up for him, and she’s a bad guy! I do like that as an idea at least

Anyhow Narcissa finally, finally gets to her destination and who is she going to meet but Severus Snape.

Who apparently has been shacking up with Peter Pettigrew and yet everyone calls ‘Wormtail’ for some reason.

It’s kind of weird actually that the death eaters do that since that was a nickname his friends at Hogwarts used. Probably it could be handwaved as a way to mock him in-universe. But out of universe I think it’s probably Rowling removing any potential last scrap of possible dignity from him. 

I mean look at how she describes him:

The man crept, hunchbacked, down the last few steps and moved into the room. He had small, watery eyes, a pointed nose, and wore an unpleasant simper. His left hand was caressing his right, which looked as though it was encased in a bright silver glove.

I also find it odd, Rowlings almost insistence through narrative tone of Peter being incapable of anything (even being socially pleasant let alone magic) when he found Voldemort and nursed him to health. Voldemort might piss and moan about the care being clumsy in GOF but Peter accomplished what countless others failed to do. What Dumbledore and Snape who is also a former Death Eater on the light side failed to do: find Voldemort. 

But I also have to, to this day, question why he did this though. I get why he betrayed the Potters. I really don’t get why he brought He-who-can’t-smell back to strength given how he’s usually treated. Is it because he was such a pureblood that surviving in the muggle world was next to impossible as a prospect while being a rat in a wizarding household was fine? Idk, it doesn’t make sense otherwise. And why didn’t he run to Wizarding America, a lot of Nazis did that after WW2 to escape consequences, the war these books continually try to ape.

Anyway.

Snape is a dick to Wormtail and orders him around and Wormtail is described as ‘squeaky’ and incapable of being a good host so Snape has to order him to get the ladies drinks (honestly Peter this is basic etiquette).

Peter then leaves and it seems like the conversation is finally about about to start but then:

Snape held up a hand to stop her, then pointed his wand again at the concealed staircase door. There was a loud bang and a squeal, followed by the sound of Wormtail scurrying back up the stairs. "My apologies," said Snape. "He has lately taken to listening at doors, I don't know what he means by it... you were saying, Narcissa?"

And honestly my eyes boggle. Here we have a real and actual missed opportunity. This isn’t like me waxing about getting muggles involved in a war which targets them. Those are just nice, if random, thoughts. But here we see a legitimate set up with no pay off at the end at all given Deathly Hallows. Why is he listening? Could this be useful for Harry? The life debt in PoA to be fulfilled?

Peter listening at doors of course never came to anything though. Right from PoA everyone was hoping for something interesting with Peter, for Harry’s life debt on him to mean something. To perhaps be instrumental to Voldemort’s downfall if in a small way. So this got people excited.

Aaaand then in Deathly Hallows all that happens is that he hesitates in killing Harry and his silver hand kills him instead in the last battle. Anti-climatic and ultimately unsatisfying. God Peter, you can’t even die right, like by idk, helping Harry out.

In any case the conversation finally continues but Bella interrupts again, because she doesn’t trust Snape, which y’know is technically right, but I find it kind of amusing that she’s so hard on the guy given that her brother in law Lucius wasn’t exactly winning loyalty points before he rose again. (Though Snape does point this out later). 

Anyway she breaks down her many grievances:

"Where to start! Where were you when the Dark Lord fell? Why did you never make any attempt to find him when he vanished? What have you been doing all these years that you've lived in Dumbledore's pocket? Why did you stop the Dark Lord procuring the Sorcerer's Stone? Why did you not return at once when the Dark Lord was reborn? Where were you a few weeks ago when we battled to retrieve the prophecy for the Dark Lord? And why, Snape, is Harry Potter still alive, when you have had him at your mercy for five years?"

And this and all the answers Snape gives all kind of reads a bit like Rowling  interview questions, with Bella as an angry fan. Basically it’s all these questions about why Voldemort still trusts Snape and the chapter attempts to make sure it doesn’t look like some 1980s Megatron/Starscream problem. 

I can’t say I tend to care for this kind of thing in stories. It’s telling people things and not letting them think at all, and it gets a bit tedious honestly even here. And we just had a series recap chapter.

 But y’know, in this case, while it begins to outstay its welcome, it’s not like immediately shit and boring like in Deathly Hallows.

You know: when the trio were basically all saying ‘We will not do this action and here’s why’ as if it’s a proxy!interview instead of y’know the book showing them doing the thing and having them fail. Because doing things? In an action series? What a joke. We’ve got mushrooms to poke at. (You can tell I’m bitter can’t you.)

In any case this chapter seems to work better than that, even if it’s not great.. (Mainly I guess because with Bella there’s at least the threat of getting attacked to keep things exciting if she doesn’t like the answer).

Snape instead seems half amused by all this though as he puts on the Rowling!hat Dumbeldore lent him, and perhaps in retrospect we all should have guessed what side he was on because of that attitude. A truly loyal guy might have gotten angry at such things being flung around.

In any case Snape is all very... prepared for these questions which seemingly come out of nowhere. Which is probably the dream of Rowling at the height of her fame instead of having the  interview questions in advance in reality or whenever she came across what angry fans said about her work online. (God Snape you’re such a self insert Mary Sue.).

Bella also doesn’t take kindly to the implication Snape throws out that her... honeybun... doesn’t trust her with all the information.

"He shares everything with me!" said Bellatrix, firing up at once. "He calls me his most loyal, his most faithful --"

Ew Bella I don’t want to hear about your pillow talk.

 Still, communication is... the basis of a good relationship I guess? Perhaps you should go into counselling? But I don’t think the Wizarding world is up to date on mental health and you’d rather diiiieee then ask help from a muggle I’m sure. And y’know you’re married to someone else which I’m sure is frowned upon.

Anyway the proxy!interview finally, finally ends when Bella runs out of things to say and Narcissa  gets to say her piece. The reason she came here after so many interruptions. We are all on tenterhooks I’m sure:

"The Dark Lord has forbidden me to speak of it," Narcissa continued, her eyes still closed. "He wishes none to know of the plan. It is... very secret. But --" "If he has forbidden it, you ought not to speak," said Snape at once. "The Dark Lord's word is law."

Assuming you don’t throw your book in the corner in frustration at this further delay, Snape actually claims he knows the plan anyway. Though I have a sneaking suspicion that he really didn’t. We never get him giving juicy details himself, instead leaving Narcissa to gush some of them out. (Say what you will, he plays at the spy pretty well). I’m sure he managed to wangle out it was killing Dumbledore a few moments after all this. 

 We generally get the first instance in which a Malfoy is protrayed by the author as sympathetic in the books as she cries, though Bellatrix herself is unmoved.

"Draco should be proud," said Bellatrix indifferently. "The Dark Lord is granting him a great honor. And I will say this for Draco: he isn't shrinking away from his duty, he seems glad of a chance to prove himself, excited at the prospect --" Narcissa began to cry in earnest, gazing beseechingly all the while at Snape. "That's because he is sixteen and has no idea what lies in store! Why, Severus? Why my son? It is too dangerous! This is vengeance for Lucius's mistake, I know it!"

Ah the old lie dulce et decorum est.

Though actually it’s Draco dying for a bigoted cause his parents fed into him with a silver spoon from birth so I will admit it does dampen the sympathy down a little.

Lady, if you and your husband hadn’t been bigoted fools and then pretended Voldemort was a hero in little Drakey’s bed time stories this wouldn’t have happened (And honestly she never seems to get that it’s also her own fault this happened). But I never took latin anyway so I don’t know how to write all that out. Still, he is just a kid, and her fear and tears certainly still feel real.

Bellatrix continues to be a hardass:

"You should be proud!" said Bellatrix ruthlessly. "If I had sons, I would be glad to give them up to the service of the Dark Lord!"

Or daughters Bella? (Oh lord.)

But seriously why ‘sons’: why not ‘children’? Is Bella one of those people who thinks all women should be tied to the kitchen and not join rampantly bigoted magical terrorist organisations? Except for her because she’s special somehow? I don’t get it. Though actually I guess its one of those things Cursed Child may have gotten right in retrospect. She’s just so passionate compared the other DEs because she wants to defend her man. 

Okay then.

Anyway, Snape is convinced to make an Unbreakable Vow and ends with this:

"And, should it prove necessary... if it seems Draco will fail..." whispered Narcissa (Snape's hand twitched within hers, but he did not draw away), "will you carry out the deed that the Dark Lord has ordered Draco to perform?" There was a moment's silence. Bellatrix watched, her wand upon their clasped hands, her eyes wide. "I will," said Snape. Bellatrix's astounded face glowed red in the blaze of a third unique flame, which shot from the wand, twisted with the others, and bound itself thickly around their clasped hands, like a fiery snake.

Anyway, we’re never told what the plan is at all. And the few who haven’t been driven off by proxy!interview bullshit are probably interested if a tad miffed at this.

Next time: We find Harry sleeping but he’s artistically arranged newspaper articles for us around himself, just in case we need... yet another recap. (Sweet lord).