#like I love my characters and some of the rps I've had

[ladyseidr]

unintentionally motivated myself to write via nostalgia 👀

[fioiswriting]

The sea and the fire

“Fire and water looked so lovely together. It was a pity they destroyed each other by nature.” - R.F Kuang

Summary : when you're married to your childhood sweetheart who becomes your enemy and you get lost in the terrible maze of politics.

[previous chapter] [masterlist]

Rating : None for now, will be explicit 18+ later MDNI

Pairing : Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon/Strong!niece!Reader (There will be some Cregan Stark x Reader later)

TW :  none for now except not proofread. TW will be added as the story progresses.

Words count : 4408

AN : Hi everyone!! I hope you're all doing well. So, MONTHS later, I've finally decided to post chapter 2. Sorry for the wait.

[About this story This fanfiction is inspired by an RP I started with my girlfriend (@irmawrites, go check her work) in early 2023, which is still ongoing. My girlfriend writes for her OC (who is the daughter of Viserys and Alicent) as well as for Aemond and Cregan, while I write for my OC (who is the daughter of Rhaenyra) as well as for Aegon and Cole mostly. This fanfiction doesn't cover exactly the same events, I've changed some things, added some others and omitted some. But it follows the main storyline. The character of Irma is a nod to my girlfriend and is based on another of her OCs (Alicent's niece). I'm keen to turn this story into fanfiction and I hope you'll like it! ❤️ I know there's a ton of fanfiction out there based on the Aemond x Rhaenyra's daughter trope. If you don't like it, if you feel uncomfortable, or if you've read too much of it, I'd suggest you read another fanfiction written by one of the many talented authors on this platform ❤️ The story will unfold in several arcs, with the first arc building up the relationship between the reader and Aemond. The tone is therefore lighter. The following arcs (which I can't wait to get to!!) will gradually introduce a lot more angst (my favourite thing to write). The tone will be radically different. Overall, the fanfiction will sometimes be based on elements of the book, and sometimes on the show, with my own interpretations. Please bear in mind that my dialogue will sound very "modern" because I struggle to write medieval dialogue in English, as it's not my mother tongue.]

Also English is not my first language, so sorry for the grammar mistakes !! 

After all that talk, ENJOY <3

Chapter 2 : Familiarity

There was a sense of renewed familiarity. 

You had regained your childhood bedroom and with it your landmarks. Of course, you still missed Dragonstone. And that could seem strange to some - Dragonstone was just a damp cave, a pile of stones perched on a rock. You were in King's Landing, now. You lived in opulence, in a royal comfort unmatched by the perch above the sea where you had spent most of your youth. 

But Dragonstone had a charm you couldn't find in King's Landing. Perhaps it was the stillness of the library where you spent all your time, lost among the scrolls of parchment and the thick tomes, or perhaps it was the sound of the crashing waves that rocked you on stormy nights, you weren't sure.

But somehow a sense of familiarity had returned. Your old room hadn't changed much, despite Alicent's questionable alterations to the decoration of the Red Keep. You had found an old toy in the shape of a dragon, and even some old paper on which you had practised your precise handwriting under the strict gaze of a stern Septa when you were a child. It was a memory frozen in time, a kind of testimony to the past. A room that reflected the little girl you were when you left King's Landing.

But perhaps you could change it to your liking, to reflect the young woman you had become. Perhaps it was a way of keeping you occupied before you left again. After all, your mother had promised that your stay would only be temporary. Just time to sort out some inheritance issues. Time to try and heal your family's wounds. Time to secure your family's future. As if the hope of you all rested on your shoulders; the only guarantee that your family wouldn't descend into a bloody escalation, or something like that. 

And yet, even though you'd only been here a short time, you'd already gotten into trouble, and it was Aemond himself who had to rescue you. You hated the idea.

You hated the fact that he'd come to your aid.

You hated the fact that you owed him, that you were indebted to him.

Fortunately, your little escapade hadn't been reported - you didn't want to disappoint your mother, or see the reproachful look on her face, even though you were aware that she might not be in the best position to make a comment. You were close to your mother. You were her eldest. You were her only daughter. She cherished and loved you, and you knew you could share everything with her. But you cherished your secret freedom, and you feared that her concern for her only daughter would give her the bad idea of assigning you closer supervision.

You didn't need a chaperone. You valued what little freedom your condition as a daughter afforded you.

As you slipped under the sheets, your thoughts kept returning to Aemond. The way he'd protected you, the way he'd carried you on his shoulder - it was humiliating, you weren't an object. And the way you had planted a kiss on his cheek. An impulsive act. A foolish act. You had to admit that you weren't averse to doing it again.

It just didn't make sense. Why had he come looking for you when he'd never answered your letters? He'd probably felt superior, after calling you and your brothers bastards, he'd probably decided you weren't good enough to be his friend anymore.  All this time, all these years, you'd been waiting for a word from him - a mere reply to the letters you'd sent. It never came. You concluded that your friendship had ended, in silence, after all you had done for him; after reassuring him, after holding his hand while the maester tried to repair the broken flesh on his face as best he could.

Had he really been your friend for even one day, or had it all been a facade, a role he'd played? Had he ever been sincere?

You were furious.

Rhaenyra had stroked your hair through every disappointment that gripped your heart like the loving mother she was. Daemon - Daemon had soothed you in his own way, telling you again and again that Aemond wasn't a good man, and that you would save your heart by forgetting him.

But now he had come looking for you. Something had changed. He had taken a step in your direction. You were lost. You were angry, but it was not just anger. There was something else underneath that pile of confusion and resentment. His approach unsettled you. Every step he took towards you, every word he said, sent a whirlwind of conflicting emotions through you. A burning curiosity. An irresistible attraction. 

You hated yourself for thinking it, but maybe your betrothal wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe you could retrieve the complicity of your childhood.

Maybe it had never really disappeared.

In the early hours of the morning, the smell of warm bread tickled your nose even before you felt the warmth of the sun's rays through your chamber window. You rolled onto your side to steal a few more minutes of comfort, stifling a grunt into your pillow. You waited fatefully for the moment when Celia or Jeyne would come and wake you.

"Wake up you lazy groundhog, you've got things to tell me!" 

But the high-pitched, overly cheerful voice that echoed around your room wasn't Celia's, and it certainly wasn't Jeyne's. You sat up immediately, as if someone had thrown a bucket of water over you, your fingers rubbing your tired eyes to make sure you weren't dreaming. 

Irma Hightower was standing in your room, in a gown more extravagant than ever. You wanted to throw yourself into her arms.

"It was usually me who overslept in the morning and you who had to wake me up," Irma exclaimed, placing the tray she carried awkwardly under her arm on the table with a loud clatter, causing the tea to overflow from the cup and drip onto the wooden table. "But I reckon that sneaking out seems tiring." She punctuated his remark with a knowing wink before dusting off her dress as if she'd just worked in the straw or done the most strenuous physical labour in the world.

Still too sleepy to make sense of your friend's words, you frowned as you looked around for your two handmaidens, the ones who woke you up every morning, helped you get dressed and brought you your meal. "Where are -"

"I dismissed them for the rest of the morning," Irma replied without letting you finish the sentence. That explained the tray and the near disaster. "But here's your breakfast. Gods, did you know a tray was thatheavy? " She paused briefly, barely giving you time to wake up properly.

Irma Hightower was a tornado. She swept away everything in her path - she carried away hearts and minds with equal ease, leaving a whirlwind of chaos behind her. Wherever she went, she stirred the air with unbridled energy, forcing others to adapt to her frenetic pace or be wiped out by her determination. But it would be a lie to say you weren't happy to see her. You sat down on the edge of the bed and stretched, your arms reaching for the ceiling before tilting your head to one side. A smile curved the corner of your lips as you watched your friend. You wondered what Irma was doing in your room in the early hours of the morning, especially when, last you heard, she was supposed to be in Oldtown furthering her education. 

To tell the truth, you might have had an idea why she was here. You just didn't want to subject yourself to your friend's interrogation - some secrets should remain your secrets.

And what you'd done yesterday was one of them.

"'So?" she asked with a mixture of overflowing curiosity and impetuosity, her brown curls twirling around her face.

"So what?" you sighed as you went behind your dressing screen to remove your nightgown. You slipped into a flowing ocean-blue dress adorned with pearls and embroidery - one of your favourite gowns, a creation that reminded you of your favourite element: the sea. 

Unlike your brothers, you weren't made of fire and blood. You were made of sea and storm, and you knew deep down that this was perhaps hypocritical - your own appearance reminded you of it every day. But it was what your heart had always told you, and you'd come to believe it, too. The feeling of your feet in the water and the breeze on your face, its salty taste against your lips, was the one that brought you the most comfort. 

"So what happened yesterday ?” Irma insisted. Her voice grew impatient. "I saw you.”

But you ignored her, busy wriggling to reach the lacing at the back of your dress. In vain. You weren't flexible enough. "Since you've decided to play the handmaid today, help me get dressed," you replied, appearing on one side of the screen, your hands gripping the fabric tightly, your back to her. Irma rose with a long sigh - it was just for show, you knew - and came over to you. You smiled mischievously. You had to admit that you enjoyed seeing her in this role, so opposite to who she really was. You wondered what her time in Oldtown had been like; whether she'd been treated like the spoilt brat she truly was, or whether, on the contrary, she'd had to learn patience, faith and discipline - all qualities that didn't characterise her. 

"I could actually keep you as my lady in waiting, you know. You'd be good for that. Forced to follow me everywhere, I'd love that." 

You didn't need to see her to know that she rolled her eyes. " I am the Queen's niece. I was made for more than that."

When her fingers became tangled in the lacing of your dress, she spoke again, her voice caressing the back of your ear as she tugged at the lacing with a little more force: "You haven't answered my question."

How could you forget that Irma was so perceptive? And above all, how could you forget that when Irma wanted something, it was impossible for her not to get it? You weren't going to get away. She would insist, until you fell for her angelic pout and her round eyes that tried to win you over.

It reminded you of your shared youth - the times you spent together, swapping secrets and gossip, talking about your joys and sorrows. You had been inseparable before you were forced to return to Dragonstone, and she to Oldtown. 

"Nothing happened. At least nothing like you may think," you admitted, turning to smooth the front of your dress. You whirled around, the fabric rising gently around you like a bluish wave. "How do I look?"

"I wouldn't describe being carried around like a sack of flour on your dark uncle's shoulder as nothing. Especially in your family." 

Irma inspected your outfit, her eyes expertly examining you from top to bottom and then from bottom to top, looking for the slightest detail that would have spoiled her work. She brushed away a stray strand of hair that had fallen across your face.

"Did he kiss you?" Her eyebrows arched, her mouth forming a playful pout of false surprise. She was clearly determined to decipher your every secret, to expose them. You hesitated for a moment, to cast doubt, to let her imagine more - but you were afraid of the repercussions this might have on you. You weren't sure that Irma knew how to hold her tongue. And you didn't want to risk exposing yourself to Aemond's irritation over false rumours. Not when you'd planned to play with him a bit; to prove to him that you had the upper hand, that you could have him wrapped around your little finger and drive him mad. You were still suspicious of him. You hadn't really figured him out yet. You just knew he'd changed since the last time you'd seen him, but you weren't sure how much.

"No, he didn't kiss me," you repeated, putting the same emphasis on the word as your friend. You walked over to the table to sip your still steaming cup of tea. You could feel Irma's round eyes on your back - she was waiting for you to say more. She probably had a dozen unanswered questions: why had Aemond brought you back like this? Where had you been? Who had you been with? What had you done? But you didn't answer right away, biting into the crusty bread.

"He just... came to fetch me," you finally admitted between two bites, your mouth half full - it was a far cry from the princess manners in which you'd been raised. Sitting on your bed, Irma stared at you with her brown eyes - the same as her aunt's. "I was with Aegon. In King's Landing. And I got lost."

That was enough. Irma didn't need to know everything; after all, it wasn't a lie if you only omitted certain details that you deemed relatively unimportant.

Or that Irma didn't need to know.

But the revelation provoked a silence. Your friend didn't answer immediately. Her eyes narrowed, revealing a fine line between her eyebrows, and her lips pursed into a bitter pout. She looked troubled, her fingers twitching in her lap. "I didn't know you were close to Aegon."

If you didn't know her so well, you wouldn't have detected the note of reproach in her voice. Was it jealousy? Was your friend jealous of the time you spent with Aegon?

You weren't sure you understood. He was married - and more importantly, as you remembered, Irma hated him for his debauchery and the alcohol he drank to excess. 

But this was no time to argue, and you preferred to play it safe. There would be plenty of time for your investigation later, when Irma's suspicions would be at rest. "He's my uncle and... he suggested he show me the streets of King's Landing because I was feeling bored." 

And the idea seemed liberating at the time. A moment of stolen freedom, away from the court, away from your duties. Where you were no longer the model princess, the paragon of virtue, but just another girl, lost in anonymity. You weren't sure she understood - she'd always loved the court, the gowns and the politics. You too, of course. It would be a lie to say you weren't made for it; for the life your status as a princess could offer you. You cherished the comforts and loved the responsibilities that came with your role. But sometimes those same responsibilities – and duty above all - stifled you. You needed solitude. To be somewhere else.

"It's dangerous. You could have been harmed!" Irma said, crossing her arms over her chest with an air of concern and annoyance. "You can't just follow a man like Aegon into the city," she sighed.

Some truth was hidden in her words, and you were aware of your lack of rationality, of the stupidity of your foolishness. The danger you had put yourself in, too, for if Aemond hadn't intervened... You didn't want to think about it. The dirty hands and lecherous looks those men gave you still made you shudder. All those risks for an illusory feeling of freedom, wasn't it a high price to pay?

Aemond had come for you. The humiliation still burned on your cheeks. 

"Lost in your thoughts?" Irma asked impatiently, offering you her arm as if she'd waited too long for you to come out of your reverie, "thinking about your Prince Charming again?"

You gave her a little tap on the arm, your eyes raised to the sky at the broad smile that stretched her lips, but you accepted her invitation anyway. "Fine, let's go. I heard that they are training this morning. And I know you're not indifferent to Dornish charm." You winked at her. And arm in arm, you and Irma walked through the corridors of the Red Keep towards the courtyard.

Aemond's movements were precise and swift. Faced with Ser Criston's Morningstar, he moved skilfully, as nimble as a cat. You leaned against the parapet of the ramparts; your eyes riveted on the two silhouettes that seemed to be dancing in the courtyard amidst the small crowd that had gathered around them. Irma didn't miss a moment of the spectacle, and you wondered if there was a man she didn't find charming.  Aemond, probably.  You knew she didn't bear any affection for him - he was too serious, too stern. Too scary, too.

"Did you get tired of Oldtown, is that why you're here?" you asked teasingly, glancing briefly at Irma.

She leaned towards you as if to share a secret, not taking her eyes off the show the two men were offering. "They didn't want me anymore," she confided. "I used to drive the maesters and the septas mad. It was amusing."

You should have known better. Irma was too stubborn and brash to be around men and women who had dedicated their lives to knowledge. She was intelligent, there was no denying that, but she lacked the patience and diligence that the study of texts demanded. Though she had spent her childhood in King's Landing, perfecting her courtly education at her aunt's side, her rebellious attitude had sent her straight back to Oldtown. And then, she had threatened the Maesters and the Septas - she belonged at Court and she was convinced of it.

"And how is Daeron?" 

"As courteous and charming as ever," she replied. 

Aemond disarmed Cole and everyone applauded; including Jace and Luke, who you could recognise in the crowd. Your betrothed's eyes shifted from the spot he was staring at in the crowd - your brothers? - and looked up at you for a moment. You wondered if Aemond had seen you, if he had felt your gaze on him, and if that was why he had become fiercer in his attacks. A strange sensation arose in your belly, as if a swarm of butterflies were fluttering in your stomach, making your heart beat faster.  You forced yourself to suppress your emotions, which you blamed on all the time you'd spent away from Dragonstone. You refused to admit that it was Aemond's gaze that you sought more than any other, especially after the events of the previous day. Especially when you could still feel his skin against yours, his firm hands around your body, his face just a few inches from yours.

You wondered what had possessed you to kiss him on the cheek. 

You wanted to play with him, that was certain. But you refused to subject your heart to the whims of love. Not after the heartache you'd felt when you found out he'd forgotten you so easily.

It was nothing serious.

You met Aemond's gaze. The intensity of his lilac eye had this very capacity to send shivers down your spine.  He didn't even crack a smile, and looked away as if nothing had happened.

"I'll see you later," Irma said, squeezing your arm, before turning on her heels to - presumably - find some male company. Once you were alone, you walked down the steps that led from the ramparts to the courtyard. Your steps instinctively brought you to where Aemond was standing, ready to sheathe his sword.

If he seemed surprised to see you, he didn't show it. His icy eye rested on you, unreadable as ever.

"Lady Strong."

"We should talk," you began, ignoring the unpleasant way he had just addressed you. Lady Strong. The nickname left a sting of humiliation, and under normal circumstances you would have reacted. You would have defended yourself, you would have thought of something witty to retort - but today you had decided to take a step towards peace. You had decided to show that you hadn't come here with any animosity, even though everything inside you was screaming to make him swallow his insolence.

"There is nothing to talk about," he replied mechanically. Cold. Distant. Disinterested. Syllables sharp and icy. 

But yes, there were a thousand things to talk about; the betrothal that would lead to your certain future marriage, the events of yesterday, the letters he had never answered, his hostile and cold attitude towards you. There were all these things and more, but neither of you seemed to know how or where to begin.

"About yesterday -"

"I haven't spoken a word to anyone. Your little secret is safe with me. You can rest assured, niece."

That's not what you meant. It wasn't that you wanted to talk about - it was everything around it; it was the reasons, it was how he had found out, it was the consequences, it was the kiss on his cheek, it was the thick tension between you that you were sure he had felt too. It was all these things.

You took a step towards him. Suddenly you felt yourself bubbling. And as if you'd grown wings, you closed the distance between you without looking away.

"Why?" you asked, your tone more urgent. You wanted to push him over the edge. You wanted him to admit what you knew for a fact that he would never be able to. "You could expose me. Tell everyone about my little escapades. Make me lose all credibility. End our betrothal." You paused, leaning your body towards him, your warmth mingling with his.

You felt him hold his breath. He tensed, straightening his neck, tilting his head slightly to the side to watch you.

"Why exactly would I do that, Lady Strong?"

Because you hate me, you were tempted to reply. Because you hate me, just as you hate my brothers. Because you cut me off all those years ago, without a word. And despite all the affinities that could bring you together, despite the fond memories of your shared childhood and your closeness, despite the love you harboured for him, you were loyal to your siblings, like he was to his. Whatever you did, you would always be associated with them. Your family. So wasn't it normal for him to see you as an extension of the hatred he felt for them?

At your silence, he continued, this time in High Valyrian: "I am not the one who despises the other. You know that."

Hate was nothing more than a form of passion.

But you weren't sure it was hate you felt for Aemond - no, the hate would come later, stronger, hotter than ever.  For now, you felt disappointment and a form of betrayal after the friendship that had bound you together for more than a decade. 

"I am not the one who is determined to make you my enemy." 

Enemy, like water to fire. Trying to destroy each other by nature.

"And yet, you treat me like one," you replied. Sharpness staining your voice. 

He let out a hm. He was still staring at you; the sensation was almost disturbing. He took a step in your direction, violating your breathing space. You had to lift your head to maintain eye contact. Then he leaned towards you, the corner of his lips turned up slightly in a smirk.

"I wouldn't have come to rescue you if you were my enemy."

The words barely out of his mouth, he straightened and took a step back, giving you the courtesy to walk away as your cheeks turned red. You didn't need him to remind you of what had happened yesterday. The memory was still frozen in your mind, clear and intact. The ghost of his touch like a burn. You wondered if he felt the same; if he thought about your lips on his cheek, if they had left an invisible, indelible mark on his skin, like his fingers on yours.

You had to change the subject. Quickly. Before you got caught at your own game. 

Your hand came to rest on the hilt of his sword on the table beside the training area. You lifted it. It felt heavy in your hand, still warm from Aemond's grip.

It was strange, this power in your hand. A weapon that could take a life. Too big and unsuitable for your delicate fingers, but fascinating. 

"Teach me."

"No," he replied immediately, following your every move with his icy gaze, as if he feared you might hurt yourself. You rested the heavy sword on the wooden table before turning. You approached him again.

"Daemon taught me how to use a dagger. At least he taught me where to aim to hurt." You flatten your hand against his chest, just below his ribcage. His body stiffens beneath your palm. "He said it was to protect me from dangerous men." Your gaze travelled from your hand to his eyes.

Aemond chuckled. He didn't try to push you away. On the contrary, he kept your hand pressed against him. His fingers wrapped around your wrist, and he guided your hand to his jugular, where you could feel his heart throbbing against your fingertips.

"First lesson: that is where you aim to kill." Caught off guard, you tried to withdraw your hand, but Aemond held it in place, your fingertips on his skin, your eyes both searching and challenging each other. The air was charged. Tense. Like a cloud before a storm. You held your breath. "But you wouldn't dare hurt a fly."

He released your wrist and gripped your chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing you to step back until your back hit the table. He leaned in. His face so close to yours that you could almost feel his warm breath melting into yours. A few inches and you could close the gap between your lips. A few inches and -

"Well, niece. I hope to see you for dinner. And, of course, I expect you to behave."

With that he released you. With that, he turned on his heel. 

He stopped. And without looking back, he added: "And please. Don't make a habit of me saving you. 

Well, you were evenly matched.

[ufuckingpastry]

Hi, it is 5am my time and I've got some words to say with not much filter.

Philza is not "antilore" and I'm getting really fucking sick of seeing that take. We had this bullshit in dsmp too, and I'm still seeing it in qsmp.

It is very clear to me that some people don't really get rp etiquette, and I understand that. I've been doing rp via text/forums for over a decade and that's something you either learn on the way or someone sets you straight as soon as they see it. I have this background, and I know what falls into rp or out of character (ooc).

Phil breaking the fourth wall and talking about the admins as the people they are and not just them being baby children eggs is not him being antilore. That's an ooc moment, and it's fine. Expected, even.

Phil not really interacting with the Federation arc until it affects him directly/when people are offering to bring him in deeper is not antilore. He wants to be a guy on vacation who hangs out with some kids he was forcibly made to adopt and fell in love with, so that's the character he plays.

Phil has been on the server for almost EVERY event, unless he's taking care of himself and taking a break. Man streamed DAILY for several WEEKS until past midnight because of the daily egg quests while Missa physically couldn't be there.

Phil was the first to tell people that the sky changes right before the code attacks, giving people a better warning sign for when they are in danger.

Phil has been rping his heart out. Just because his rp doesn't look like Bad's or Cellbit's or Maxo's or anyone else you consider to be Actual Roleplayers, doesn't fucking mean he's antilore.

You know what's antilore?

Spreen and DanTDM leaving the server with no intent on returning because they don't want to rp.

[cinememed]

₍ 🎞 ₎   the  great   (2020 – 2023)  rp  starters  ! featuring violence, explicit language & mature themes . some lines have been slightly adjusted for rp purposes .

if the crown fits ... take it.

i promised myself a great love. that didn’t work out. 

you fired something in me, and when i look at you now, i must have you again. 

i have carried a romantic idea of people all my life.

it was an act of love, not an act of betrayal.

i saw a great love as a kind of perfect love. maybe it's not.

you're delusional about people, about the world.

that is your great gift. but it's a curse as well.

we cannot change without cost, even if it is our own.

you are always seeking for me to look at reality. well, i am, and it's horrifying. 

it is a flaw for a leader to want love so much.

you don't believe in me. i've spent my life trying to get you to.. and you just don't.

the worst thing in life is to come up against your own limitations and stumble.

i can't stop loving you when you talk, it rushes me.

no morality, no philosophy, just win.

i think you have a large appetite that is not constrained by morality.

you are complicating me.

a great love, like a great country or a great leader even ... is a flawed one.

not as fun as me. because i am known for being fun.

it's .. close to enough.

you do this, and you can't come back. i mean it.

there are many versions of you, and you know i'm the only one who sees them all.

i never thought being doomed would feel so pleasant.

i am fucked. i have decided to embrace it.

sometimes you just take the next step and the path appears. 

i look at you ... and my heart breaks. for your pain. for your sorrows.

i will not live a powerless life.

i do not wish to avoid bloodshed. what part of that plan do you not understand?

sometimes i'm so clever, i have to take a breath not to become dizzy.

i think i was angry because no one has ever not liked me.

there is no other way. i am a prisoner here.

you think me more naive than i am.

we are always not quite as good as we wish.

i don't want to kill you. you're not a bad person.

i could kill you. you are a bad person.

you're so sweet sometimes, i could just kiss you on the nose.

people underestimate the joy in suffering.

it wasn't destiny that did it. i did it.

i'm not scared, and i'm not holding your hand.

you're lying, which is both out of character and really annoying.

i am as good as dead here. that's why i have nothing to lose.

i will not be at your, or anyone's whim.

i wondered what had happened to you! well, wondered might be too strong.

[crownmemes]

Advice; Everyone Should Be Making the First Move

There's been a trend within the rpc here for years now where nobody is willing to make the first move. The problem with this is that if nobody ever makes the first move, then nobody is ever going to write anything. Considering that, everybody should be making an effort to be the first one to reach out to their writing partners more often.

Examples of making the first move:

Sending an IM to say hi, then suggesting a plot

Sending a meme to start a new thread

Responding to starter calls and open starters

All of this is just as valid for old partners as it is for new. If you haven't written with someone in a while, maybe it's time to reach out to start a new thread?

The most common reason I see for people not making the first move is social anxiety. I'm going to give you all a bit of tough love here: speaking as somebody who once had crippling social anxiety (and still does in irl settings), the best way to overcome it is to push yourself to try the things that make you anxious.

Communicating with people is a really important part of rp because it's not a solo hobby, therefore you are going to have to talk to people at some point. It's unavoidable. Here are a few reminders to help you feel a little less nervous:

If somebody follows back, they're doing it because they're interested in writing with you. They are not going to be upset if you send them an IM with plot ideas

Most people are friendly! In 12 years of rping on this site, I can count on one hand the number of people who I've talked to that were actively rude to me

It's okay if someone says no to you! People have different styles and not all of them will work together. If someone says no, say thank you for the consideration, then move on. There are more people to write with out there

If somebody is nasty to you, you can block them. Don't be afraid to do this; you don't have to explain yourself, and you wouldn't want to write with someone who's rude to you anyway

If you're not sure what to say, I usually go with a version of "Hello! Thank you for following/following back! I've looked through your rules and about pages. Would you be interested in plotting something for X and my character, Y? I have an idea already, if you would like to hear?"

Don't just say "Hi!". Cut to the chase and tell them why you're messaging so they immediately know what the conversation is about

Reasons why it's good to message first:

You look actively interested in writing. This is a huge boost in your favour when it comes to asking to write with someone

It makes it a lot easier to get new interactions

It makes you appear more active

If you're a new blog, you won't have a lot of examples of your writing on your blog yet. People will be more willing to give you a chance if you approach them first

If you don't message first, you are likely to be waiting a long time before somebody messages you

It's easier to make friends if you have an active conversation!

Some other thoughts on messaging first:

You have followed the person because you are interested in writing with them. Think about why you are interested, and suggest this as a plot idea

Make sure you read through the rules still. It's very obvious when you haven't. Also, look through the muses on offer so you can suggest which you'd like to write with

If the rules say they're not mutuals only, or that you're welcome to IM to introduce yourself if you want to plot, don't be afraid to message. They wouldn't have put that in their rules if they didn't mean it

If someone is reblogging memes, it's because they want to write responses to them. Send them in! If they didn't want them sent in, they wouldn't have reblogged the meme

IMing to plot is often a better idea than liking a starter call or sending memes if you have never interacted with the person before. It gives you a chance to work out what kind of thread would work well before you start something, so the resulting thread has a lower chance of fizzling out quickly

However, all that being said, it's not just up to the person messaging first to make all the effort. If the receiver doesn't put any effort in in return, then the person making the first move is going to think they aren't interested. Eventually, they may give up messaging people at all, because what's the point if it never goes anywhere? Some tips for not seeming uninterested:

If someone IMs you, try to reply to them in a timely fashion. Especially try to reply to them if they sent you a plot idea. You don't have to agree to do the idea - it's just very annoying to be ghosted the second you actually start plotting

Suggest your own plot ideas in return, or build on the idea that the other person has given you

If you agree to write a starter, or one is written for you, follow through with it. Write the starter, reply to the thread. If it's going to take a while, let your writing partner know that you've seen it but you're going to be slow for a while

Similarly, if you post memes, reply to the ones people send you. If you never reply, people will pick up on this and eventually stop sending you things

If you go on hiatus, message your writing partners directly when you get back to let them know you'd like to write again. This will demonstrate that you really are active and ready to write again

[thelunarsystemwrites]

200 259 followers DTIYS!!

Finally after FAR too long debating, I finally drew up a DTIYS!! It was originally supposed to be for 200 followers, but uh... a little late!

Before I get into any rules or anything, I just- I gotta thank some people. People like my Twin, and platonic spouse aren't on Tumblr, BUT!

@tobi-draws a best friend and, honestly family to me. You might not have any idea how much your writing has helped me get through life, but it has. Any time you've updated is a good time for me! you're incredibly talented and I am honored to be your friend!! Ily!! /fam!

And of course Argos!! @childofthest4rzz my sib!! Sis? (I'll ask later??) My bestie in every RP and literally like the brightest person ever, ilysm to the sun and back!

And, my mum here @inka-boi congratulations on 269+ followers!!! I wish I had entered your DTIYS, but I'm so happy so many other people did, you deserve it!!

And @dtdrawz you are, very very cool. Very awesome, I like it, we vibing. Literally I look up to your art, it actually was the reason I drew this specifically! 😎

@absurdumsid AHGHGHGHH YOUR ART- I am super duper glad we got to work on UTMV agereverse farm sans together, and I am INCREDIBLY grateful I got to talk to you about my experiences as a system, thank you!

@pepsifvcker23 hey you! You're awesome! I'm literally so happy we're friends!! Your writing is NOM! /pos!

@pixieperson19 <- we love Angst. We thrive off it. We enjoy it together. 🥰 /p

@zombiestar1934 RAAAAHH!! >:3 /vvpos

THERE'S SO MANY PEOPLE I DIDN'T MENTION I'M SORRY, THE LIST WOULD BE SO LONG- @jazzy-jazzz @screwnames-ihatenames @annabel184 @denieatsart @italic-doing-random-shit @largefound @ant1quarian @the-second-reason @n1ght-sh4d3 @fell-is-suffering @kiyo-void @iatetheglue @inkcat1987 @axinfinity @fruityfroggyfelon AND LITERALLY ALL MY MOOTS YOU ARE ALL SO SPECTACULAR!!!

*Deep breath*

With that put of the way! Rules!

Tag me!

You may change the pose, but he must be sleeping.

The crown has to stay the same.

You may add your own touches if you wish, as long as the vibe is the same. This includes adding accessories.

The lighting is not important and doesn't have to be included.

You may add other facądetale characters if you wish.

Have fun with it!

Prizes are uh, I am going to TRY and provide them! Keep in mind, as of right now I have no decided deadline! I'll make a post later on going into more depth about prizes, and the deadline! (It's gonna be atleast a few months)

Once again... thank you all. I've struggled a lot, I still do. But to all my followers, thank you. I never thought I get this far, it's Lunartastic! Everyone I'm sending good vibes your way!! Have a wonderful time, and thank you!

[fiddlehead-soup]

I have to see "Illithids don't have souls, Withers confirms it" utilized as some kind of gotcha 50 times a day and every single time I have to fight down the urge to waste time explaining that he admits he was wrong about this and/or affirms that the illithid you bring to the final battle still pings as who they were originally to him because I'd have to do it a dozen times a day forever. Why do people want soulless illithids so badly? They get outright mad if you correct them. I'm so tired.

I've had friends and even randoms ask me why I like Emperor so much. Even when I go on a rant and list every single thing I love about them, and how cool of a character they are, and cite a ton of screenshots or texts, somehow people still joke that I was gaslit by Emperor, or their opinion simply does not sway at all. The best I ever did was to have my best friend say "I get why you like them, but I never could."

Unfortunately the game purposely leaves things unclear and folks see whatever they want to see in the thickness of the fog.

Nothing can be done about that, unless the Emperor somehow gets additional content down the road and even then, it's a gamble whether or not those writers are going to interpret Emps with depth.

My personal theory is that it might depend on someone's past experience/knowledge with illithids in DnD in general, and their first run of BG3. Since the game is such an immersive RP, I think people just get really caught up in feeling 'betrayed' by Emperor in most cases, and hold on to that negativity.

Why people's opinions seem to never change even when it's proven they are factually incorrect, I honestly can't answer that, because I don't get it, either. I've had plenty of characters in media I started out hating and then ended up loving. The stubbornness to despise Emperor is a new thing entirely I've never seen for any other character in pop media.

As for why Emperor is not popular in fandom specifically (Tumblr, Twitter, AO3, etc.) despite other characters who do much worse to Tav than them having huge fanbases, three words:

Not Conventionally Attractive

[vsaintsin]

Writeblr Re-Intro

Yo! I'm V Saintsin. Or V or Vin or Saintsin or whatever you want to call me that sounds right on your tongue. I'm a self-proclaimed Social Media fumbler who got a late start to the party and has never quite figured it out. I hate how hipster and edgy it sounds to say "I'm bad at social media" but like I used to work with some people who actually managed the social media accounts for the business we worked for and there were rules and whatnot and damn, I think online media is just not my medium. That being said, here I am! Hah

I'm an author and general mess who's hoping to be the miracle man (somebody who makes a living writing silly little stories). I do use a pseudonym but please hear me out when I say I didn't realize how edgy it sounds, it just has some sentimental value to my personal life. I'm so sorry that I sound like I'm in my emo phase HAHA

About me -

He/Him Transguy from the American Midwest (arguably the south, depending on who you talk to, but the older people still say "Sodi-pop" and "ope").

I'm dysautonomic, bendy, permanently sleepy, and a survivor of Crappy Doctors Who Suck At Doctoring.

I like DnD, Pathfinder, Baldur's Gate 3, Cyberpunk, Dragon Age, and other things in that vein.

I do make art of my stories and characters (Tablet is currently not working so I'm in a dry spell).

My writing background is predominantly ancient, dusty RPs from as far back as the foopets days and fanfic writing on Quizilla - I am an old and wizened elder of the net.

My formal education was music performance and behavioral neuroscience, I don't really know how I got where I am.

This is not my first rodeo with tumblr but it is the first time I have anything to SAY instead of just lurking.

In the event of malfunction, you can put me outside for 5 minutes and I'll probably factory reset.

My existence as I know it hinges on a massive number of sticky notes plastered throughout my room.

What I'm lookin' for -

Idk, whatever? I'm down for most things. Did you write it? Cool, let me see. I'm not too bent on genre or anything, just fascinated by the art of storytelling.

A bit tentative with fanfiction but that's just because if it's not a fandom I'm familiar with I am rather clueless about what the hell is going on and if it's a fandom I am familiar with I HUNT DOWN THE DEEP LORE.

I like art a whole lot, including fanart. Also art advice, love seeing things from different perspectives and learning something new.

Mutuals, really, for any reason. Building better connections on here, getting to know people. I am hideously bad at this but I try.

What I write -

Science Fiction with heavy subjects that matter to me - trigger warnings on a story-by-story basis.

High Fantasy (eventually books I think?) characters and their backgrounds for DnD and Pathfinder - I have been tempted to share these to help people get ideas or just for free use?

Things that I delete because I have crippling imposter syndrome and publishing makes me nauseous (doin' it tho).

Stories that I hope will make people feel less alone or that people could relate to, stories that I wish I had when life was worse and I was reaching out for anything I could find to keep me afloat, stories that try to be critical of things that SUCK in a way that's any helpful.

Lots of curse words and cussing (that's just how people talk 'round here), dubious science, things that I hope might make you cry but in a good way though.

Character-Driven stories that revolve more around the development of the person and less around the plot itself if that makes sense.

I've put blurb things below for my primary project/series which features a grumpy, queer, 37-year old chain smoking Frenchman and his misadventures with life and love and unbridled rage. If any of that sounds cool stick around and hang out? (This part is a plug bc I did a thing and I'm proud of it) And if my books sounds interesting the first one is 99 cents on Kindle and you just need a phone and a free app to read it!

THE SECRET OF LIFE (Published) - Sci-Fi/Psychological Thriller, Bi M Lead, Lovers to Enemies, AI but the oldschool cool kind not the real world thing that's stealing our future

Carlisle-Trystan Antoinette is a mercenary on a hard road, navigating life and death itself in an infinite cycle started by powers above his understanding. He has one mission - warn The Dianican Space Station of the coming threat and put a stop to a war that would encapsulate the whole of the Sol System before it can ever begin. Unfortunately for Carlisle, reality is a tenuous thing, made up only by our understanding of it. At least, according to his Psychiatrist, who tells him that there is no war, that he was never a mercenary, and that what Carlisle is experiencing is a severe but manageable psychotic break. Stripped of his combat enhancements, his bio monitor, and everything he's every known, Carlisle has a decision to make. Does he give in to the thoughts and memories, so real that he can almost taste them, or does he live a life of comfort and ease, returning to a husband and daughter that he left behind?

TWs: Domestic and War Violence, suicide, rape, medical trauma, grief, drug use

THE SILENCE OF ANGELS (Due 2024, TSoL 2) - Betrayal and Rage, Learning how to love again slow-burn romantic subplot, Learning how to Dad, A general inability for any one thing to just go right

(Quick Rough Blurb that offers no spoilers for TSoL) Making connections isn't easy for somebody who's accustomed to burning bridges. Isolation has always been Carlisle's mantra for surviving his life. Playing a role comes second nature, pretending to be the man that everyone else wants to see in him. When an old friend is murdered Carlisle finds himself as the primary suspect with all evidence pointing to him so clearly that even he calls to question what he is capable of. Unwilling to believe that he could commit such a heinous crime, Carlisle sets off to find the truth of his friend's death - was Carlisle framed or does he truly have the capacity to bring such harm upon those he loves? Old and new bonds will be tested, faith broken, and the future of everyone called into question as lines are drawn and sides are picked.

TWs: Violence, mentions of SA, graphic character death, more grief, more death

I don't know what else to say... Later!

[aquaticshopkeep]

I just had a feeling It'd be you.

Welcome back.

The vent is currently: Closed [Open for asks and interactions not in person]

Special Limited Stock: n/a

Sebastian is: Tired - Working, Waiting.

Don't stick around too long, but if you buy something maybe I won't mind too much.

Some rules for the shop, and dont forget them when you get back here again.

Don't get too raunchy. Every manner of criminal comes through here, and as funny as you making a fool of yourself would be, I am a supposedly married man.

I'll kick you out if you can't behave. It's my shop, I don't have to sell you anything.

If your idiot self can't handle the dangers of the Blacksite, maybe you shouldn't have taken the offer. There will be death, swearing, and maaaaybe some moderate blood and gore.

I'll see you around, Friends.

Post last updated [Sep 22]

OOC under the cut:

Mod is 18+, I go by Lash/Lashy and any pronouns are fine. I've been rping on an off tumblr for 10+ years

This blog is semi-selective as I burned out really bad trying to rp with anyone who came to my inbox. All asks are welcome, but I may not answer all that i receive.

Please don't randomly @ me on other peoples posts, especially if it's someone's art.

I follow from my main @lashydsdomain my main is 18+.

Do not follow my main if you are a minor or don't have an age visible.

Any interaction (Oc, OOC, canon, other fandoms, ect.) is welcome.

Other Sebastians too!

You dont need images to rp with me! I just like drawing stupid hot fish men.

Please only DM me if you're wanting to plan something for rp/ask something OOC you don't want answered publicly. If you message me trying to rp in DMs I will redirect you to this post.

I'm still developing head cannons for Sebastian and how I play him might not be fully cannon to the game. I've also yet to finish the game, and also intend to keep this blog spoiler free even once I do. Please don't spoil me, but mentioning the monsters of the game is totally fine.

Things to keep in mind for this blog:

• Sebastian does not like being touched randomly. You wouldn't like being touched by strangers either. He might be digital but he will still react negatively

• Even though it's in his file Sebastian does not know his name was cleared. He couldn't bring himself to finish reading what was written. And also its tasty angst.

Confused about the color coding? Here's a quick explanation

My own art will be posted here. Please do not use it for AI, don't take credit for my art or post it anywhere without permission. If you'd like to use my art as a profile icon just credit me somewhere.

If you'd like to post my art with credit somewhere (reblogs of posts from this blog are fine), shoot me a message to ask my permission.

The Sebastian on this blog has a slightly different design to the cannon one, but at his core is intended as the same character.

A reference of the big guy to see the differences (he still has tail bags, i just didn't draw them for this).

If you ever draw fanart of my version of Sebastian, please tag me, I'd love to see it!

The black site banners were made by me! Feel free to use them just make sure you credit me somewhere (@ my main)

Might change things here if anything comes up, but that's all for now. Now bring the fish man some research.

[dsaf-confessions]

I've been in the dsaf fandom for a year or two by now lol. but like I've only been lurking and...some fans take dsaf TOO seriously. Like, no hate. none at all. but,, I wish people acknowledged more often that Dayshift at freddy's at it's core, is silly. like, all three games are full of jokes (some less than others) and that's the original premise. Yeah, there's the serious lore bits and all.. but what about the SILLY bits? Can we have the silly bits appreciated? Jack can piss for 15 minutes straight, Dave ate an entire ashtray of lit cigarette butts and lost his sense of taste after, ALL the phone guys were programmed to say "darn" and "heckin'!" as a substitute for swearing, and Dee is a tickler (not ticklish, a TICKLER she tickled Dave til his springlocks went off in the premature ending, and she can tickle Jack when in the suit to set it off if you don't wind the box). Henry is the reason why they have cameras in the fazbender's bathrooms.

I love seeing the serious bits too, but I wish people spent as much time with the silly bits as the serious ones. Even when it comes to making your own silly bits!!! Like, yess!!!! Go write that Undertale!DSAF AU. Go write about Dave and Jack as kitchen appliances. Go write about what you headcannon Dee's favorite songs and movies are. Go write about Jack having magical princess half wolf demon powers. EVEN WITH THE PAINTINGS!!! I saw a drawing of Dave and Jack in sailor moon get up and they killed it. absolutely. I know the dsaf artists out here are killing it with their art, it's all amazing and I have lovingly gazed at all of them before. and yes!!!!! Go RP as Peter Kennedy having a deep carnal desire for bird watching, go RP as Harry Fitzergald enjoying himself at an aquarium, go RP as Dave Miller spending hours trying to figure out how air fryers work so he can give it a shot at building one at home.

Please do anything your heart desires!!!!! You can look out the car window with your headphones in and listen to music while imagining sad sfms of the characters and keep it to yourself. But if you wish to share, just now that there's people out there that have been wishing someone would create what they've been imagining too!!! Make your funky spotify character playlists!! Even your youtube music ones!! Because there will be someone out there who thinks the same as you and enjoys them the same as you !!

I live for the serious ones too. Please, go write that heartfelt fic about Dave yearning for his soulless friend's presence in the afterlife. Please, go write about Jack despairing that he doesn't just stop existing after death, and is stuck in a void. Please, go write about Dee speaking to the gang in afterlife about how she wishes she had a longer childhood, and how she is sad that the very few things that made her childhood a childhood is gone and that she can never truly have it back( jack, and all the friends and lovely gifts and animals and all the joy). Please, go write about DaveTrap surviving the fire in the good ending and being miserable because no matter how much he was angry and hateful, he missed Jack, he missed having a quarrel with him, he missed asking just one more time, if Jack wanted to kill kiddins' with him, and then him having to visit Jack's grave and despairing that Jack had never lied when he told him his name. And then DaveTrap sees the other graves, all the other ones, of the kids that died at fazbender's because of fazbender's. And he also sees a grave bearing his own name. His real name. And it was right next to four other graves, of people who's names rang bells in his ears, of people with a last name he recognized, of people he remembered betting on whether or not they'll die with Henry.

AHHH I think this might be too long. i just love ranting about my ideas because as much as i have a love for writing, i can never execute the ideas. they are cursed to forever be just an idea i can share to my friends who don't like dsaf but like hearing my rambles.

So, whoever is reading this, please go enjoy the games as much as you wish!! enjoy the silly AND the serious side !!!!!

.

[aihoshiino]

Hi there! This is from an ask from quite a while ago. I sent it before but I think Tumblr ate it once again.

"Honestly Ai's relationship with like, sex and intimacy and sex in the context of a loving relationship being healing and reclaiming for her is one of those things I have so much fun writing in the context of RP and stuff but if I continued rambling about it here I would go on all day lol and this post is already so long. IN ANOTHER ASK, PERHAPS ……."

I would like to hear your thoughts and ramblings about this please 人´∀｀)

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE ANON… I've been sitting on this ask for so long and I've had so many half finished responses to it written up kgjhhsfkg This is just one of those topics where I have so much to say every time I tried to start I got overwhelmed and didn't know where to start… BUT WE'RE SO BACK…!!!

(Also, this is basically part 2/a follow up to this post if anyone wants/needs some extra context)

Honestly Ai's relationship to sex and the role it plays in her character arc is one of the most fascinating parts of Oshi no Ko to me and I'm always really surprised that it basically never comes up in fandom discussions surrounding her? Part of that is just folks wanting to talk about/speculate more on the characters who are alive and present in the series (or have ship wars about them) but even when people DO go back and talk about her it tends to be kind of surface level or just, the worst takes you've ever seen in your life (if I never have to see another Secretly Evil Ai theory it will be too soon) but like… the sex stuff is also pretty surface level! That friction between Ai of B-Komachi's assumed obligate virginal purity and the reality of Ai Hoshino as a person who has had and desires sex basically IS the entire premise of the series. It's the core conflict around which so much of everything else revolves - it's the reason the twins have to keep quiet on their connection to her and moreover, it's the reason she dies. But honestly given how this fandom gets about sex sometimes maybe that's a blessing in disguise lol

It is SO refreshing to have a lead heroine like Ai, though - like I said, the reality of her as a person who has had Probably A Lot Of Sex is pretty much the premise of the series and at no point does the narrative ever take on a shaming tone towards her. Hell, the explicitly stated thesis of the story is that it's everyone who has a problem with this who should be ashamed. Gotanda literally says it himself - Ai's tragedy is the fault of the people who refused to accept her as the hurting, broken, dirty and impure person that the real her was.

In fact, the series is shockingly respectful of Ai and her body in general. This is very much a "the bar is in hell" moment but I'm so used to anime taking every opportunity it can get for lowbrow cumbrained fanservice that the series just being, like, normal about Ai was a breath of fresh fucking air. It's so easy to imagine an infinitely worse version of the series that uses Aqua's access to her body (as both Gorou and Aqua) to frame and leer at her in some really repulsive ways, but it literally never happens. It's one of those things the first chapter/episode does that earns it a lot of goodwill in the long run which it does honestly need lol. The initial premise of the series asks a lot of the viewer, especially given that Mushoku Tensei exists and very much does use the protagonist's plausibly deniable access to the bodies of women and girls around him for some truly putrid and degrading shit. BUT BACK TO MY ACTUAL POINT…

That pointed absence of shaming in the narrative is why it stands out to me so strongly when Ai does direct this kind of shaming language towards herself. Ai engages in a lot of negative self-talk in general because of how utterly pants her self-esteem is, but it's never quite as pointed as in these circumstances. Her death scene is honestly the best and most heartbreaking example of it - the anime trims a few slivers from it to the benefit of the scene as a whole imo, but it does retain the most important line:

But there's another part from slightly earlier on that didn't make it into the anime that equally breaks my heart:

All that Ai refutes of Ryosuke's words is his conclusion that she never cared about her fans. In other words, when Ryosuke slings slutshaming misogyny at her, Ai agrees with him.

And like… why wouldn't she? Society at large already has very strong opinions about women who have and enjoy sex and Ai is an idol - that's purity culture on Berserk Eclipse Difficulty. To make matters worse, Ai's entire life has been defined by her being denied the right to control her own body or being blamed for the way other people respond to it. Not only was Ayumi physically and emotionally abusive towards her for basically her whole life, but she also victim blamed her when her stepfather turned out to have a inappropriate interest in her. Even when she was literally a child, she was not allowed to simply exist without being subjected to other people's gaze and objectification.

It's also worth noting that the abuse Ai grew up experiencing - Ayumi's violence and neglect and living with the possibility of sexual assault at her stepfather's hands - are all things that can contribute to hypersexuality in puberty or at the very least, being prematurely sexually active and/or partaking in risky sexual behaviour and I think all of these are true for Ai as well, to varying degrees. My read has always been that the twins' father was not her first or only sexual partner (though he was her last) and I think this is something the work itself supports as well - Akane identifies Ai as having behavioral issues typical of someone who began having sex during puberty (and she does specifically say 'puberty' in Japanese, not just 'as a teen') but that this behaviour mostly tapered off by the time she was 15 and credits it by inference to Kamiki. So obviously, if the 'unbalanced behaviour' as the result of sex predates her meeting Kamiki… you know?

I also just personally find that a more compelling read of Ai for a variety of reasons - and it just sort of makes sense to me, to imagine her as this girl desperately trying to figure out how to love people, wanting to connect with people but not knowing how to do it, someone defined by the ways she contorts herself to respond to the dirty desires of the people around her… idk, it just feels Correct to me in light of everything to assume that she went through a few boyfriends before Kamiki, all relationships that went very fast, escalated to intimacy at light speed then just sort of fell apart after. And we know from what Ayumi admitted - and from some of the things Ai has said - that Ayumi absolutely was slutshaming and victim blaming Ai when she was in her care. So much of what Ayumi did to her forms the foundation of the present day Ai's self-loathing and self-image issues, so I imagine she felt a lot of prebaked guilt and shame when she did actually start having sex, especially at a young age and outside the bounds of a what society regards as an acceptable circumstance for a girl to be having sex. So add idol culture on top of all that, and…

I don't think Ai's relationship with sex is necessarily the main issue she struggles with but it does feed off and into a lot of the other things that cause her pain and being able to untangle that would represent an earthshattering breakthrough for her. This is why it's so important that Oshi no Ko never ones tries to debunk or disprove Ai's assertion that she is 'impure' or 'dirty' and why I do not think a positive character arc for her could never come from someone trying to convince her that she isn't. Because that doesn't actually disprove anything - it still frames purity and virginity as a state of grace that can be fallen from and reinforces Ai's view of herself that she only has value, that she only deserves to be treated with respect so long as she's still 'pure'. Even if you could convince her that she's 'pure', she would inevitably be stained again and hate herself all the more for it. The only way out is to break out of this method of thinking altogether, to realize that 'purity' and 'impurity' don't mean anything - and more importantly, that even though she is dirty, impure and all the rest of it, she is still capable and deserving of loving others and being loved in return.

To quote something I've said before on this topic: "Love, for Ai, is a person seeing her most wretched and unacceptable self, her self hate and avoidance and everything about her she thinks is filthy and wrong, and actively choosing to accept her as she is, warts and all. […] There's this very strong underlying current in Ai's arc of self-directed shame and self-hate in relation to her sexuality that fuels perception of herself as 'dirty' and 'impure' - all because she is a person who wants and enjoys sex. I really enjoy getting to have Ai work through that specific hangup with a partner who loves her - not from the angle of 'of course you're not dirty' but 'even if you are, I want you anyway'."

So much of what hurts Ai is other people refusing to accept 'Ai Hoshino' and even being actively repelled and repulsed by her, choosing instead to believe so fervently in the inhumanly perfect 'Ai of B-Komachi' that they convince themselves the real Ai is just a trick of the light. Sex is basically the ultimate refutation to that - it's someone saying they actively choose the dirty, broken real thing which is what Ai has desperately been searching for her entire life. It's also the inverse of the plastic. sanitized intimacy Ai sells as an idol - rather that pretty lies of love, it's dirty, physical intimacy, something she can do as much for herself as the person with her, something that can only ever be hers as Ai Hoshino because it's antithetical to everything Ai of B-Komachi is.

what i'm saying is: can this girl PLEASE get some good dick. i don't know how much of anything it would fix but it would make her calm down at least a little.

ALL JOKING ASIDE……. thank you again for your patience anon and i'm sorry this was so rambly lKNDKSCXSNDS. like i said up top, this is a topic i have a lot of thoughts on and i wanted to get them all out into this post. i hope this was interesting to read…!

[getvalentined]

I love when folks ask me Fandom Old questions and I get to be like "Yeah, uh, that's from my old online RP group, no it's not canon at all, yes we just made it up, no we did not claim it was canon but the mid to late aughts were a strange time."

It's honestly a shock to realize how often this has happened. I mentioned earlier that Reno's fanon surname came from this same group, but that's not even the half of it. I once made a bunch of screenshot manips based on the most ridiculous ships anyone could think of—someone slapped a random line of text onto one of them and to this day it's used as a "cringe FF7 fandom" meme. I saw it on the twits a bit back and almost fell out of my goddamn chair.

If you've ever heard Scarlet referred to with the surname "West," read about Tseng fighting with metal fans, seen Elena's older sister being called Anna instead of Emma, come across Vincent portrayed as having a PhD in spite of being a Turk, or caught references somewhere to Grimoire experimenting on Vincent as a child, that started with this group. That was us.

One of the funniest examples of this, for me specifically, is that we don't actually know which arm Veld is missing? The fandom generally goes with his left because that's how I drew him in the first picture of the guy ever posted on devart way back in 2005, but it may very well be his right. I've seen people offer "proof" that it's his right based on a scene in the opening cutscene, but you can't tell there either, and with BC's graphics there's literally no way to tell on his sprite.

Hell, this year we found out everyone's assumed timeline of the Kalm fire is wrong, and that's our fault too because we made some assumptions about Felicia's age for an LJ RP that were entirely wrong. She's around Zack's age, not Sephiroth's! She's old enough to run with a terrorist group in BC, but she was a child when Kalm burned, and that happened in 1997—we know this because NPCs in Rebirth literally refer to the fire in Kalm having happened "just ten years ago." Veld has only had his prosthetic for three years when BC starts. (This also implies that, contrary to popular belief, Veld may actually be younger than Vincent. Vincent may have been the senior partner, and that's why he was sent to Nibelheim alone while Veld was left at headquarters.)

We were really wrong on this! But we were working with what we had. There's no canon evidence for the vast majority of these things (the most notable exclusion here is Vincent being educated) but we weren't claiming there was. We were filling gaps, and canon was so sparse that we had a lot of gaps to fill. So if it turns out that Veld lost his right arm, then I'll just have to start drawing him that way—because losing his left was never canon.

Tragically, there's nothing any of us can do to make people stop assuming these things are canon at this point; there aren't a lot of us still in the fandom, and it's not like any of us have those old chatlogs anymore. People from this RP group have DIED since those days. It's been over 20 years since most of us met, and around 15 since most of us were in a public fannish space together.

"Prove it," people say, and I literally can't. Do you know how many computers I've been through since then? 75% of the platforms we used no longer exist. This all started on a BBCode forum! There is no proof!

But...there's no evidence any of these things are canon, either, so maybe think about that? The Kalm fire, Tseng's weapon of choice, Veld's arm, character surnames—none of these are retcons because there was no lore there to retcon. We made it up for our specific purposes, and it escaped containment in an era when there was really no way to do online contact tracing.

It's just one of the weirdest feelings in the world to see younger folk arguing about A or B point in canon, about X or Y retcon—referencing something my friends and I thought up at like 10 o'clock at night on a now-defunct IM client in August of 2005, because we needed something to refer back to for a specific scene in an RP and the source material had nothing to offer.

Absolutely fucking bonkers.

[razzek]

Reading Pern fic and realizing that it's always queen riders or future queen rider Mary Sue type characters who here all dragons and I am now desperate for a green rider with the ability. I know in canon it's rare and has to do with bloodlines and is a women only talent that's maybe twice in a generation. We got Lessa and Ariana (? the gal in Renegades who has such a bad time she avoids dragons) and maaaaybe Moreta (it's been a long time since I read that one). But if it's going to crop up in fanfic and RP constantly, I want to see someone that everybody pins all these expectations onto and they end up riding green to the dismay of all but them. (I love greens, second best dragons to me, only topped by blues which seem to be the only dragon an ace person can ride, but the culture around them and the way their riders are treated is fascinating.) If the green rider in question was a trans man maybe no problems there or nothing would change (though that's a story I'd be interested to read in general, a trans man in canon Pern society riding green, which had to have happened at least twice in their 2k year history). But if you had someone who was being brought up and expected to ride gold and she gets a "crappy" green, the political fallout alone would be fascinating.

Man I wish I had the stamina to write longer fics. I have so many ideas for Pern stuff (most of them horrible; I am somewhat disappointed that purity culture in fandom spaces has kept people from exploring and digging down into the real canon implications that were always present in the books; I understand not wanting to do that on a personal level, but it's disappointing that a lot of writers will avoid it solely for fear of purity assholes coming after them). If Anne herself was allowed to write really shitty attempts at confronting some of this stuff (looking at you, Skies of Pern, ugh) why aren't fans allowed to tackle it honestly and better instead of just pretending it doesn't happen? But on the flip side, where's the exploration of queerness in it’s entirety from fan writers? I've seen trans women green riders and of course lots of gay men, but where my ace blue riders and lesbians and trans men and so many others be at? Aaaanyway....

This became a tangent. tleadr: it's been like 60 years of fanfic and I'm bored of the same old runaway rich girl who hears all dragons becoming a queen rider stories. XD Nothing against that sort of self indulgence, everyone gets to write that kind of wish fulfillment. :) I'm just bored and I wanna read something new but don't have the energy to write it, alas.

[tallulah477]

Below the cut contains my thoughts and feelings about certain issues that I've seen recently that I feel like need to be addressed including hate/bullying, the new Neteyam & Lo'ak rp blogs, and the general fandom as a whole.

CW:// Mentions of pedophilia, predators, racism, and homophobia

Over the past several months, and especially over these past several days, it's come to my attention that we as a fandom need to make some things abundantly clear.

I was a silent reader for a long time. I love Avatar and this fandom with my entire heart and I wanted nothing more than to be an active part of it and member of the community, but the thing that stopped me for a long time was seeing how hateful people can be and I wasn't sure if I could handle it. Obviously, I decided that my happiness and sharing my love for Avatar and the characters with other people who love it as much as I do is more important than any nasty messages I might get and I couldn't be happier with my decision. I think I can safely say that most of us here in the fandom can say the same (although I'm sure the feeling of happiness comes with endless ebbs and flows for all of us).

That being said, the amount of sheer bullshit that I've been seeing on here is ridiculous.

The amount of hate messages that I've had to witness my mutuals receive is unacceptable. The amount of hounding as to why someone unfollowed this person, why aren't they interacting with this person anymore, why would someone write something like this, why won't you write this, is crazy to see. I've seen racist comments, I've seen homophobic comments, and I've seen people being called a pedophile wayyyy to often now.

This is Tumblr. We are responsible for our own media consumption. We cultivate our own media experience.

That means authors write what they enjoy regardless of content as long as they are responsible and tag the work correctly. You as the reader are responsible for heeding those warnings.

This means that if two people who used to interact or follow each other all of a sudden don't or someone gets blocked, it is no one's business as to why it happened. They don't owe you an explanation and there's no need to publicize drama. Do not go into their inboxes asking for details because all that does is feed the flames.

This is supposed to be people's happy place. Our safe space. And instead it seems like there's something new happening every single day.

At this point, we've all seen the rp blogs that have popped up. I'm not generally someone who enjoys rp so I didn't interact, but I saw a ton of my mutuals and others having a great time with them. Despite me not liking rp, it was exciting to see at first. A live persona of one of my most beloved characters interacting with fics that I love? Yes, it's definitely exciting to see!

But then it got not so exciting to see. The responses seemed solely sexual and out of character for Neteyam, a lot of them were really dark and borderline violent. I like dark fics, and I love dark Neteyam. But there are warnings to every dark fic and you go into them knowing what to expect. For a blog that's rp-ing a character that's not canonically like that, it was concerning to see.

We've had issues in this fandom in the past with predators. And despite us all being adults here (at least we should all be), you can never be too careful when it comes to the internet. I am NOT saying that the people running these blogs are predators, but certain things I've seen have raised some flags to me. Rp can be really dangerous when people don't know who's behind the character, especially if things are sexual. Since then, both blogs have created 'About Me' sections which I think is good. So that's something I appreciate.

However, we've also had the opposite problem in which minors interact with us and our content. It's a huge problem that we are constantly trying to battle because while seeing/reading sexual content can be harmful for those who are underage, it's can also get us into a lot of trouble for interacting with minors even if we don't know they're underage. When the accusation that the rp accounts were minors came out, they were sent asks to confirm. One responded respectfully and one, in my opinion, responded not so respectfully. If you are ever asked if you are a minor, don't get pissed about it. It's an important question and you should understand and respect its importance. Just clarify.

I'm saying all this not because I don't think people should interact with these blogs if you want to. It's 100% up to you and I know a lot of people were having fun with it. You're all adults, do what you think is best. And I do think it would be really nice to have more guys in the community, whether they rp or not. My issue with them is more about safety than anything else.

Now back to the hate comments. For any issues I might have had with the Neteyam blog (again, no hate, just my own thoughts), I only ever saw the Lo'ak blog being respectful. Yet, I still saw someone on their actual blog, not under anon, telling him "can't you just leave?". Under no circumstances is it okay to say this to another person. Any one who is an active member of this community who posts fics or the like KNOWS what its like to receive hateful comments like this and you think its okay to say something like this to someone else? No way. I'm sure you know what it feels like to get comments like that and you decided to be nasty to another person anyway. You should know better. Anyone who can say something mean to or about another person should be ashamed of themselves.

For as much as I love this fandom, this is insane that I actually have to say this.

Be kind. Be respectful.

And if you can't?

It's called the block button, people. Use it.

[eliotbaum]

Hi Eliot! First of all, I wanted to tell you I love your art so so much!! You inspire me so much as an artist and you and Viv are one of the main reasons I'm backing The Book of Devotion Kickstarter!

I am also a DnD player and I wanted to ask you, do you ever feel disconnected from your characters? I am currently playing a campaign set in Ravnica from Magic the Gathering and I absolutely love it (100% recommend as a setting as well) and I love my character Daphne, but for some reason the past few sessions I've been feeling very withdrawn and unhappy with my RP choices, I feel Daphne very far away from me If that makes sense? Have you ever experienced something similar? Would love to hear your thoughts on this!!

Thank you!!

Wah thank you so much!!! 🥺 it's SUCH a fun concept I hope you'll enjoy it! Oh man, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling disconnected. It's such a bummer when something that got us so immersed and invested feels more distant. I've only played one campaign with the same character, so I'm not sure if I can give the best advice here. But yes, I do know the unfortunate phenomena! I'm actually struggling with the same thing right now so maybe we can figure it out togethaa. I'll answer more in-depth under the cut but if anyone else has tips, do feel free to drop them.

So yes, this all sounds familiar. Recently I'm just "going through the motions" of playing a character, without being immersed in them. Even if we still very much enjoy everything about the character or the game. Personally, I tried to pinpoint where this could come from. Is it an ingame thing, or is it something outside? (stress kills my creative drive) Has this campaign been going on for a while, have there been any exciting things happening with Daphne? Have you had fun opportunities for her to shine, was there anything that moved you? Just throwing some questions out there to help the wheels turning. I think bringing this up with your group and DM is also worth considering. Being invested in roleplay and your character is such a major part of the game (to me!) and maybe there's something where everyone can help. Be that giving you opportunities for dramatic or heartfelt moments, or simply hyping each other and their characters up around the game, not even just during sessions. But, onto the actual things that have helped me: I found a song that feels very Kasper to me, and I always try and listen to it before a session to get back into my PC's mindset and get that special spark and feeling back. Deep immersion mode... I also find creating art or writing around the character also very rewarding and exciting. I often see folks write a diary in character, or simply write up how their character felt after a session. I did that for a while after work -- and rereading diary entries with some very dramatic sombre music in the background brought a bit of that connection back, haha. Rereading notes for next sessions, or old ones is also worth a shot. What's your character all about and what's important to them? In the same vein I like to indulge in some Imagining, Daydreaming of past and future RP moments that excite me. Of course, all while listening to dramatic music...

Anyway I hope either you did figure it out in the meantime, or this helps just a little. Wishing us all to have fun, be crazy for our little OCs and sharing exciting moments and stories with each other.

[totem-but-shark]

On the fourth day of Rust kingdoms I tuned into hJune's stream for the last hour or so and as he was ending he climbed up to the highest point in Rusty Bones and simply sat, looking over the kingdom listening to music. And whilst there's something to be said about it being the perfect representation of his character with r!june almost being some kind of guardian angel for Rusty Bones watching over and guiding them, in that moment I was hit with the strongest sense of nostalgia. Which is crazy considering at that point the server wasn't even ending, still had multiple days left and the server had only existed for a few days prior and yet I found myself moved.

Maybe it was a shared understanding with june, he wasn't saying much but I got the sense he might've been feeling something similar. Just sitting back and appreciating the moment, reflecting on the days past, and this special little server. I think there's something beautiful to the love we hold for media, or more precisely the stories told within it and the feeling of experiencing and loving something. Following a narrative with all of its twists and turns finding yourself wholly invested and endeared by its world and characters, to me this is made especially potent in real time improvised RP as you watch this whole world develop one step at a time before your very eyes. Getting to know characters as they get to know themselves, going on their journey right beside them. Following along within community, on twitter, in chats, just listening to the players discuss how much of a good time they're having, shared love and passion for something. It might just be me but that kinda thing always makes me emotional.

The medium of improvised live RP really is unique in this sense, it's hardly been a week but my heart has been stolen by the Rusty Bones cast regardless. Becoming so invested so quickly. Every character interaction building upon the last, every random throwaway line of backstory and lore slowly painting a clearer and clearer picture. Theorising and chatting with peers online and hopping between streams to see every pov. It's been beyond fun and I have to give my thanks to every single Rusty bones player for the atmosphere and community they created, they're the heart of these streams and each one played their part to perfection whether that be through in character roleplay, putting hours of time and care into contributing to the kingdom allowing everyone to play the game and enjoy it as they have or just being a good sport and bringing good vibes for a good time! Extra special thanks to Tina, Foolish, Trausi, hJune, Enevun and Dakkin who really made my pov of this event what it was.

June looking over the castle i've come to be so familiar with and hold so dear in such a short period of time it almost feels like home, for this week Rusty Bones has been my home. Somewhere comforting I could come back to reliably at the end of every day and be greeted by the kingdoms familiar faces. And though we're saying goodbye soon, even if it's a little silly I can't help but feel thankful this little week was part of my life and the joy it brought whilst it lasted.

The song June was listening to: