#like a nice living space that doesn't make feel like i have no ownership over it because everything in it was some else's choice

[hxhhasmysoul]

wouldn't it be nice if the author of the fics finished them. the author is me.

[ghouljams]

https://www.tumblr.com/ghouljams/737258478675116032/hey-ghoul-i-hope-your-doing-well-i-just-wanted

I’m not sure if you’ve done this already, if you have you can just ignore this one, but I’d be fascinated if you could tell us about the darlings homes

I haven't talked much about the darlings homes but I can! I've talked a lot about Witch's house but I can talk about the others. Let's go on a little home tour!

Love lives in a second or third floor apartment in an apartment building. It's a got a nice white door with a shiny gold number on it, and a little hallway outside the door. When you go in you walk straight into the living room, there's a little walkway between the back of the couch separating the TV area from the window that houses the plants. Walk a little further down the little makeshift hallway and into the kitchen. There's a little bar counter that faces the living room, a sort of L shape to the whole kitchen. The whole place is bohemian and warm, strewn with knickknacks and books. It's messy, but the way that living somewhere makes it messy. There's a basket of laundry in front of the couch waiting to be folded. Pink and yellow are the predominant colors in here, you'd think a man had never stepped foot in this flat but there's a pair of men's boots by the door. The aesthetic is very maximalist and colorful, I think the couch is pink. Ghost works some spatial magic on the place to add an extra bedroom and bathroom when they have the baby.

Liebling lives in flat near the shop, walking distance. A nice brick building that she has the first floor of. She makes good money owning a shop and spends it on a comfortable house. It's a nice oak door, with a brass knocker on the front. There's a tiny entryway, where her shoes and mail pile up. Off the entry all is the archway into the kitchen, it's galley style with a pass-through looking into the living room. There's a large couch, a TV, a overstuffed bookshelf, it's comfortable and earthy. There's plants in every corner and every window, browns and greens. There's a big basket in one corner full of woven blankets, and there are pillows strewn about. The whole place feels very soft and lived in, but also dark and almost cave-like with all the curtains drawn. The overhead light is never turned on, only the lamps strewn about in various handy spots. There's a garden out back and a door leading out to it from the bedroom. The bedroom itself is earthy and warm, no wonder König feels so at home here, all the soft blankets and darkness... it's just like his cave.

Crybaby lives in a similar flat to Liebling. Its an old building near the university, not quite the heart if the city but there are days when it feels like it. You walk into the living room, the kitchen is off to the side. There's a hallway leading back to where you assume the bedroom is. The TV sits in the middle of the room, there's a couch pushed against the back wall. It's messy, sparsely decorated and unkempt. Threat's suitcase is open and strewn about, there are dishes in the sink, the pantry is disorganized. You find a little workshop across from the bathroom that's also a mess. Materials strewn about and pouring from the shelves on the walls, tools left out, projects half finished on the table, magnifiers and lights all over the place. There's no real style to the furniture of the place, the workshop is the most lived in part of the flat, it feels like a holdover. An apartment that only exists to provide a shelter while it's occupant works.

Threat's ownership of the living room slowly turns it into their space. Posters start creeping onto the walls, the couch replaced with a day bed, the empty space by the door filled with a clothing rack and a mess of laundry. The threadbare rug is replaced so the old wood floors aren't as cold, blacks and reds are their main palette. Their influence doesn't extend up the hall, but it certainly makes the front of the apartment feel more lived in. Ignore the cobwebs in the corners of the room.

Angel has a house, it's a little thing near Witch's house in the less densely packed part of the city. Very open and airy, modern with big windows and lots of light. Gives the impression of being a white couch sort of mom, but the whole place is strewn with colorful toys. There's crayon drawings taped on every wall and all over the fridge, sippy cups sit in the dish rack, colorful plates and board books on the counter. The aesthetic is white minimalist with a rainbow explosion of child-like joy. There's puffy plastic kiddo furniture next to the nice adult stuff, somehow it all works to feel like a comfortable family home. You sit on a toy when you try to sit on the couch and you both have a good laugh about it. No sad beige moms here.

Sunny feels like another apartment dweller. Maybe closer to the heart of the city. Somewhere up high that gets a lot of light. Their decor is very 70s revival, a lot of oranges and bubbly patterns. Very neat. Everything has a place and they're good at keeping things tidy. Colorful glasses and appliances in the kitchen. Lots of "happy things" to keep the place feeling light when they have a bad day. Probably has a cat slinking around somewhere, a big stupid orange baby that compliments the furniture.

Witch's house has been talked about but I'll give the highlights. Tudor cottage sandwiched like a little haven in between city buildings, like it just popped up out of the ground, or like the city grew around it. Wood beams cross her ceiling, scattered persian rugs and antique furniture. Well loved and warm. There's a sitting area right when you open the door, and a big fireplace with a cauldron nestled in the corner of it. The kitchen is overflowing with cabinets of things, dried plants hang from the ceiling, and sunlight filters through the back window no matter the time of day or the season. There's a narrow staircase by the door that leads up to a little attic room. Under the stairs there's a tiny hall that has a bedroom on one side and a bathroom on the other. If you look closely there are runes in the nails that hold down the wood floorboards.

[crqstalite]

[2] love from the other side -

This city always hangs a little bit lonely on me Loose, like a kid playing pretend in his father's suit I'd never go, I just want to be invited, oh Got to give up Get the feeling, get the feeling Don't fight it, fight it

chapter summary: no one said raising a galaxy would be easy, not with thousands of people relying on one organization and their pathfinders. and yet talis is still in this meeting, pretending like it is.

[set post-mass effect andromeda.] [female ryder/jaal ama darav, male ryder/cora harper] prev chapter > next chapter

chapter specific warnings: none

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October 2nd, 2820 [1 year and 7 months since arrival to Andromeda] - Nexus Operations

Logs: Talis Meissa Ryder-Lucero

“We need the space, Ryder. People are waking up almost everyday, they need places to live and cultivate their lives. We can’t be dealing with restrictions and outright bans from worlds we already have rudimentary outposts on.”

Does he ever stop talking? Talis wonders, squeezing her eyes shut as she she rubs at her temples. Tann had called a meeting in the newly constructed council chambers specifically to discuss more immigration efforts from the Nexus with the Council and Pathfinders. That was fine, she doesn't think that the nine of them in leadership had ever had a meeting together after Hyperion's crash on Meridian. It was nice almost, to not have to play telephone with every leader and send out emails to the other Pathfinders — or receive them. But two hours deep and the only thing they haven’t circled argued about is exploring other uninhabitable planets with plans to terraform. Fine by her, it’d take some decades even with the research they continued to fine tune, and it was just up her alley, but the Council’s lack of consideration about already existing Angaran ownership over the cluster was about to cause her yet another migraine.

It happened in her mother’s and father’s respective home countries, and she’d be damned if she let it happen here, under her watch.

At the very least, the chairs were comfy, as she sits smack dab in the middle of the other Pathfinders, with the Moshae at one end of the table and Tann at the other. The coffee could be better (if she were really working as well as they said, she could get some of the good stuff soon right?), and the new uniforms could arguably be better. They look like Nexus cheerleaders, long pullover turtlenecks and slacks colored in white and blue with the Initiative insignia over the chest. And not the cute kind.

Raeka’s pin glints off the light in the room, causing her to look away from the Salarian. In her brief moment of distraction, she carefully avoids the critical glance he gives her that Addison mirrors directly across from her. Her mind tended to wander in these discussions, mostly because she had plenty to offer and few willing ears.

That’d changed at least, since Moshae Sjefa had accompanied her, considering Talis had appointed her as the Heleus ambassador a few months ago. To the disappointment of most of the council — Tann in particular because it put the Moshae a step beneath him in terms of power — but Talis was nothing if not a regular disappointment these days. The older Angara was a comforting and reasonable presence, almost a friend, but she's sure the meeting is already taking more of a toll on her than either of them had bargained for. Tann, of course, was trying to run the show like it was his, and Addison wasn’t far behind — though their interests diverged, their tactics at the table didn’t. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for the Moshae, surrounded by people who wanted her land that barely helped her take her own back. It didn’t help that, much like Talis herself, she was a scientist. One respected by her people, but at her core she was a woman who enjoyed the confines of her lab, not the boardroom.

She'd make sure to send a fruit basket to her office when she returned to Aya. And maybe some Angaran liquor.

"We do not have the resources to support your exponential growth onto your 'habitats'," The Moshae says to her right, the picture of calm but her tense mannerisms speak a different story, lips pressed together in a thin line, "With the Kett gone, we are just now able to reclaim the worlds they took from us. We appreciate all the Pathfinder and Initiative have done for us, but not only do these worlds need time to heal, we also need the time to find our footing again in our home."

"Meridian has pushed the time table forward, Moshae," Addison responds to her left, folding her hands in front of her. She’s a little less wound up these days, not quite relaxed — Talis thinks this would cause her to implode — but with outposts running and people moving in, she’s at least more reasonable. Less cold. Less likely to yell at her in the middle of Operations at least. Talis prefers her like this, hair growing into a comfortable auburn bob around her ears, but the way she seems so confident about her next steps is bordering on stubborn, "With it effectively terraforming Heleus' vault planets faster than traditionally, we're already seeing the effects of it on Elaaden, Voeld, even Kadara and Eos are almost mimicking desert regions on Earth. Our scientists are amazed, these worlds could hold the population of Earth twice over.”

"We have the people ready to build and ready to live on these planets. While we support the Angara's efforts to rebuild their own civilization, understand that we need the space to be able to survive as well." Tann adds, standing at the end of the long table. If Talis wasn't well-acquainted with him, she would say he was intimidating. After all, he was still the sole leader of the Initiative by far, and if he really wanted, he could continue making her life a living hell should she step too far out of bounds. But considering that she is, he's not. Regardless of if he stands some feet above her, she’s long shed the internal fear of a man who could barely see past his own interests. He was too cold, too analytical for her tastes. He valued himself above others, and that grinded against her gears.

She carefully began testing the waters of working indirectly against him in the last few months. Less afraid to speak up to him, or go over his metaphorical head someone more sympathetic to get access or permission somewhere.

Her father would call it using her resources.

He doesn’t like this new fact about Talis, considering how many flickering glances he directs towards her, likely unhappy with how she leans back into her chair, arms crossed over her chest.

But what was he going to do about it? Scold her like a child?

(He'd tried this, and quickly discovered using her father or her age as an insult was unlikely to get him anywhere. She'd already beat herself up over both of those topics, it was unlikely he could do anymore damage that she hadn't done already.)

The Salarian was smart at least, she would give him that. Calculating and talented in his own right. And while he was usually bargaining for his own gain, he rarely forgot about the rest of the Initiative. Leadership could be worse, it’s one of the few things she tells herself at night so she can sleep a little easier.

The Moshae muses on this, pursing her lips, "Director, forgetting even that planets like Voeld are our homeworlds, these worlds are still incredibly fragile. Voeld itself is speeding through an ice age, causing irreversible damage to existing flora that can not reasonably keep up with development. Harvesting them for further resources in the way you say you need could cause more damage that the Jardaans' Vaults can not repair."

“We’ll never know if we don’t try, and we can’t afford to be playing it safe when projected numbers say the Nexus will reach critical capacity within the next decade. We don’t have the same space as the Citadel does, even with the construction efforts.” Tann rebuffs.

“Then that,” The Moshae stands herself, on equal footing with Tann. Her eyes narrow at him, hands planted on the conference table, “Is poor planning on your part.”

“Will Meridian be available for colonization efforts any time soon?” The pair of leaders go quiet at Vedaria’s question, and she seems almost sheepish when all eyes land on her. The few months of being one of the other Pathfinders has done her some good, at least she’s beginning to contribute to discussions now, usually with her people’s interests in mind. Though she has centuries on Talis, she still doesn’t have the same experience yet as a Pathfinder, clear through her nervous picking at her clothing. She’s not a public speaker, far more a follower than a leader, but she was eager to do her best at the job. Her commando training at least came in handy in firefights. Talis motions for her to sit up, the universal moniker to be more confident in oneself. The Asari sighs before continuing, smoothing out her uniform top and sitting straighter, “If we only have certain places to go on Eos and restricted areas on Kadara, then shouldn’t we turn to expanding the Port? Meridian is basically our next Omega, it’s for everyone.”

Ding, Talis winces at the analogy, but she gets the point. Common space with a decently high crime record, but she wasn’t wrong that population spread indicated plenty of different species took refuge there. Omega itself was also a massive space station.

“Meridian is still an unknown, there are mainly concerns about it being safe past the perimeter we’ve set up. Minor encounters with the wildlife are common, but they seem docile. Still, venturing further into the jungles isn’t wise, especially considering that we do have concerns about setting up proper interstellar travel for new Human colonists,” Kandros answers, and Talis inwardly cringes when she sees Vedaria’s shoulders fall. The asari folds in on herself while the military director continues, “Not forgetting that we have yet to scout it. We haven’t had a Pathfinder team on planet yet.”

“Do we really need a Pathfinder to clear the way? We have APEX teams for that, especially knowing that Meridian is a Gaea world anyway. All of your Human specialists and scientists, whatnot, they can keep themselves entertained for years there. We just need to venture out from the Port, set up our first real cities and—“

“And yet, do you really know anything about the Jardaan, Director? Or the Remnant?” Talis finally asks, leaning back in her own chair when she cuts the man off. His eyes narrow at her, and she takes that as an offer to continue, “It’s not like you were the one chasing down Remnant leads all this time or anything but hey, what do I know?”

“Now isn’t the time to be chasing after our new Protheans, Ryder. We can ask those questions later, when we actually have labs that aren’t glorified closets in Nexus operations.”

“If you’re planning on settling Meridian, we’re going to need to know a lot more about it before we start putting down skyscrapers.” Talis had already had her reservations about settling Meridian, mostly for the sole reason that she still had years worth of things to discover on planet. Even Peebee was still incredulous over the wealth of data left behind in the vault, and not all of it pointed towards things being as easy as they’d hoped.

This was also ignoring that the Tempest crew was just now getting back to real work, months after Meridian had been fought over, enough time for retrofits and time to heal. The way the bruise under her new, admittedly soft turtleneck, rubs against the fabric still makes her wince as she leans her elbows against the table, “My team and I are still sifting through just what was inside the main vault. We haven’t even begun to touch what ecology was affected by us traipsing there while we were chasing the Archon, and I can’t imagine the kind of disruption we might have caused to the local flora and fauna. Who’s to say we won’t cause that as well if we start building before we understand what’s going on?”

“Then what plan do you have, Ryder? I’ve accepted humanity taking Meridian for themselves, and Ryder-1 when that is suitable for life. But the people coming off the Arks still need homes. Not everyone coming out of stasis, regardless of species, wants to live on the Nexus or play in an endless lottery to live in a shoebox in one of the outposts.” The Salarian paces at the end of the table, his tone just edging on frustration enough to know that he’d probably send a long email after this meeting just so Talis knew how angry with her he was. She’d make a mental note to have SAM archive it as soon as it came in.

She doesn’t think he’s entirely wrong. The Nexus had only really been functional for a year and some months, with construction stopping and starting for various reasons. They’re likely still at only maybe fifty percent capacity, and that was still an optimistic guess. While she could be incredibly proud of her work to get outposts set up as well, if she tried to say that most of them besides Prodromos weren’t glorified towns with ready-made cardboard boxes for buildings…

She’d be one hell of a liar.

"I'm not advising for it to be forever, the plan was to give it another year just to see what we were sitting on," Talis says, holding up her hands in the universal 'back off' sign, "We still barely understand the Remnant to begin with. We don't know what extent the vaults terraform to, I mean, hell, they could swing us pretty wildly the other direction. The Moshae’s right — Voeld’s speeding ice age is already upsetting most of its natural functions. Who knows, that might kill off just about all of the natural flora and fauna on planet. Do we really need to be desettling that too?"

"I've seen our projected data from our scientists. Myself and Ryder have collaborated with them -- it is not unlike work I took on in the Milky Way to restore biodiversity on my homeworld. But this...this is on such a large scale and is incredibly delicate," Raeka nods to her left, resting her chin on her propped up hands, sweeping those present with a raised brow. That was one thing Talis was still semi-surprised about, but nonetheless grateful for. Raeka’s background in biology, "Still, I am not a woman without reason. Stalling out wave three is our best bet considering we're somehow in the middle of another one. Finishing wave two and supporting our already bloated population is better than continuing on our crash course.”

Talis agrees, shrugging her uninjured shoulder noncommittally, "Leusinia is still working on waking back up leadership properly, and Natanus is still finding people across the cluster. I say give them the resources to house their wave ones, let them start up their respective initiatives. Then we really need to cut off anymore development."

"If it's purely a numbers game, I say we keep developing the outposts. They're already functioning like Ports, we might as well give them the support to act as such." Avitus says, distant to her right., "A lot of them are either dealing with Exiles or pockets of Kett, if we're quick and organized, we could have proper towns within the year. It might get a little tight for a while on supplies until we can right supply routes, but it'd be for the best. Wake enough people to man the stations. After that, we put a pin in this and come back when the Angara are ready for more of us."

“The Krogan have already found a foothold on Elaaden, and whether we like it or not, they’re expanding. We’re expanding. As long as we don’t step on any Angaran toes, slow and steady is best.” Kesh steps in for Talis this time, gesturing gently at the Moshae, who nods to her in agreement, “I agree with the Pathfinders. We can’t be waking people in droves like we’ve been doing, it’s unsustainable. Once we finish waking wave two, we’re going to need to wait until we can start with the non-essentials.”

“Even if we slow down off projected numbers, which we have already, we can’t wait forever, a lot of humans are already coming off the procreation blockers, whether through medservices or naturally. We’ve been getting news of newborns just about every other day. Asari are following rather closely, we’ve got doctors here on the Nexus studying effects on human and Asari pregnancy here in the Heleus Cluster. I’d argue that the Turians and Salarians aren’t far behind, those families need places to go. Need places to thrive.” Addison rebukes, tapping the table with a finger. Talis makes another mental note to see how Dr. Kennedy was doing these days. Likely that was exactly who she had on her mind, and it likely didn’t help Kesh much to know her own clutch was growing up in a cluster with barely enough for anyone, “It may not be ideal, but we need these towns and cities faster than a decade from now. More than just outposts, more than just one on every habitable planet we've come across. Moshae, certainly with the Kett gone, your people are considering similar family-building moves? There shouldn’t be anything saying we can’t build alongside you.”

“Alongside is not a problem, Director Addison. The problem I have is that your Initiative outnumbers my people perhaps 3 to 1. For every settlement we build as we begin to right ourselves again from years under the Kett, you will have two more.” The Moshae answers, furrowing her brow, “I am not someone who wants to see a child of any race starve, but keeping the Cluster healthy and free of any unnecessary climate-triggering pollution is a priority of mine."

"The Initiative isn't in the business of unnecessary pollution, Moshae." That much Talis agrees with Addison on, considering the entire endeavor worked rather tirelessly in the Milky Way to keep their carbon emissions under a certain level. It meant at least they wouldn't be dragging the footprint of massive corporations with them to their new home, "We aren't asking for a lot. Not in the grand scheme of things -- if you allow us to colonize portions of Eos and Kadara, and keep our outposts as outreach communities that could grow into Ports over time, you would have little reason to worry. Our trade will benefit you just as much as it will our people."

"There is not much you could be trading that we do not already have ourselves. And there still lingers the problem of your outcasts -- who you've allied with for the time being? You can blame them for our supplies becoming more of an issue." Talis actually does shrink under the Moshae's concerned gaze when she speaks again. While Reyes has more unorthodox methods than his predecessor, it would still be remiss not to mention the damage the exiles had already done by effectively pushing the Angara back off another planet, regardless of their criminal status. That was one of the few things she was just unable to do much about herself, especially with so many facts missing when she'd landed.

Though this is one of the first times that Talis is hearing the Exiles may be directly interfering with the Angara’s supplies outside of Kadara. She scribbles down a note for herself on her datapad. Something told her that Reyes might know more than he was letting on.

"Not officially, but the exiles that have accepted help from us again shouldn't continue to be a problem on Kadara -- we have a presence there now," Kandros responds. His subvocals drop deeper, "Those causing you problems are no allies of ours."

"You bring these unknowns, and with no offense to our Pathfinder Ryder, who has done the best with what she has, your Initiative has yet to bring anything but turmoil. Uncertainty. We thank you for your efforts and the hope Ryder's team brought us as a cluster, but we implore you to step back for long enough that the Angara can thrive again -- on our own terms.” The entire conference table silences at this, the elder Angara's words punctuated with an air of finality. Addison leans back in her chair, hands folded in front of her while Tann finally takes a seat. The Moshae seems some semblance of satisfied, and collects her datapad under an arm, "If that is all, I will be on my way."

"Of course, Moshae. We appreciate the time you took to meet us here," Kesh responds in kind, tone softening some. The Moshae appreciates it, evident in the small smile that crosses her features. If there was anything Talis could depend on here, it was that Kesh was willing to do her best to make sure the Angara felt welcome. Even if that went directly against her better interests as superintendent.

The others could learn a lesson or two from her.

"And Ryder?" Talis lifts her head to look over her shoulder at the retreating woman, "I'd like to speak to you about an issue after your meeting. Find me in my office later."

"Will do." Talis nods, and the door slides closed behind her. She's itching to leave and follow her right at this very second, anything to get out of the stuffy conference room and get back to work, but the way Tann is looking at her says she's nowhere near getting to leave early. She doesn't need to be here for the rehashing and debrief of a meeting she was already in. And if he really had an issue, he could go to any of the other three pathfinders currently present to take care of it.

She sighs, crossing her legs underneath her and flickering her datapad off. Talis sharply turns to Tann, setting her jaw, "You know better than anyone we have to cut back on how many people we're waking, Tann. Are you really about to drive off our own allies out here because you can't stop building for two seconds?"

Talis thinks she sees his eye twitch, "We didn't come out here to be told that we have to bend to someone else. We've tried being diplomatic, and as time passes, we're denied at every turn it seems. We need the resources, we're just getting on our own two feet out here."

"Those resources belong to the Angara. Your plans are outdated. This isn't the Milky Way."

"That's the exact reason we need to continue on course. We've been relying on stores from the Milky Way since the Nexus uprising." Addison answers, her response cold, "The colonies are just now able to begin producing useful and valuable materials, but we have no economy. The Angara do, but trade agreements are slow to come in. Credits are good on the Nexus and not for much else other than whatever it is that the Vortex sells. People need a sense of normalcy, and normalcy isn't going to come if we have to wait longer and longer on our cities."

"We're not going to get normalcy, we're in a completely new galaxy, Director," Talis bites back, frustrated. Normalcy would’ve been her father being here instead of her, normalcy likely would’ve been settling Habitat 7, normalcy would’ve likely been them not having to have dealt with the Kett or Angara at all. And yet here they were, "We're guests here right now. If we weren't prepared to not be the first ones here, if we weren't prepared to run into roadblocks, run into problems with supply chains, even have problems with settling completely new ecosystems, then what was it all for, Addison?"

The woman across from her presses her lips into a thin line, not meeting her eyes. She knew Addison still had some lingering guilt over the Nexus uprising, still had problems trying to rationalize all of her choices away and coming to terms with the ones she had already made. Talis gestures across the table, "What did we lose so many of our Krogan citizens for, huh? Every one of us at this table risked our lives to get here to Andromeda, and every one of us risked everything to beat out the Archon. And we didn't just do that for ourselves -- we did it for the cluster. And that cluster includes the Angara, whether you all like it or not."

"Those plans are drenched in blood," Raeka adds, "As soon as every Ark and the Nexus hit the Scourge, we weren't working on six hundred year old plans anymore."

"We aren't coming from a place of malice, Ryder," Kesh's softer tone acts as a counterbalance to the rest of leadership, "I understand better than anyone what it feels like to have someone else come in on your home uninvited. That's why I would be willing to slow production, slow waking waves until the Angara are ready for us. But --"

"There will always be people depending on us to feed and home them. Not just our people on the Nexus, but everyone you opened up homes to across the cluster. Whether it harms relations for now or not, we can't leave those settlers out to dry. We cannot have another uprising on the Nexus, or add to the Exiles numbers because we have unsatisfied citizens," Tann's expression hardens, and Kesh visibly winces at this when he interrupts her, "We'll continue forward with a modified plan that will hopefully meet the Moshae's request for it to be less resource-intensive, but we will have to shoulder the outward facing consequences until she allows us into more of the cluster."

Consequences. Talis relaxes marginally, that she could deal with. They didn't need to be fighting a battle on multiple fronts anymore. Dealing with angry citizens wasn't exactly in her job description, but what was anymore? Earning the Angara's trust and respect was priority number one for now. If that meant dealing out rations to every settlement for a few months, then so be it. They had enough to make it happen — and they really needed to make it happen.

"Sounds like that's a meeting adjourned then. Rix, I need you in APEX operations later this afternoon. Raeka, same with you, we need to discuss your Pathfinder team assignments." Kandros is already standing from his seat, making a beeline for the door. She could always rely on the Turian to usually have good interests in mind, and also keep himself out of most arguments the best he could. She'd have to check in with him later as well, see what they could do about getting scout teams out into the undiscovered regions of Meridian.

The other leaders file out of the room as quietly and disgruntled as they'd come in earlier. Kesh briefly puts a hand on her shoulder, squeezing as she walks by. She appreciates the vote of confidence almost, knowing the Krogan was doing her best to support the Initiative and keep from making waves. She'd have to speak with the superintendent as well about supply chain issues to Voeld and Kadara soon. She hadn't thought it was so dire until she'd actually looked over reports from herself and Addison. She hadn't exactly turned a blind eye, but she wouldn't lie and say it hadn't slipped her mind in between getting out of the medbay and working on smaller projects.

Rations indeed.

With the room empty, every pathfinder next to her settles back into their chairs. Leadership seemed to always activate the professional in all of them, but outside of official meetings, it was significantly more casual. Various expressions of relaxing or stretching spread across them as Vederia gets up to lean her forearms on the top of her chair. She turns to Talis, scrunching her face up into an expression of distaste, worry flowing underneath it, "Do you really think it's such a good idea to work against leadership so much, Ryder? They don't exactly seem happy with you right now."

"They're less mad at me, and more mad at the fact they're not getting what they want right now. I’m just happening to stand in the way, because a lot of the little things matter, and I don’t want them bulldozing over the Angara either," She answers, flickering her datapad on to search in her documents from this quarter's report. She sucks her teeth, almost all in the red. Not that it deviated much from last quarter, but still not great news, "I'm not sure which is worse for me."

"Still...a lot of people are counting on us to do -- something. They're not wrong that waiting much longer will probably cause us more unrest. We're supposed to be pathfinding, and right now we're not doing anything useful," Vedaria remarks, "We came off the arks and then now we're still waiting. They don’t really have crops or food yet, everything is flash-frozen from the Milky Way. Nothing’s stable yet. I mean, what about you, Raeka? A lot of your people are still in stasis, and so are mine. The people that are out are getting restless about their families."

Raeka hums as a response, opening her omni-tool to type away on her forearm. Her dark eyes give little away when she turns to the Asari, "That's part of being a pathfinder, Damali. Part of being part of any leadership. You were a commando once, sometimes you have to make the hard decisions to stop from causing more little fires everywhere else. We wake more people, we set fires. We wait, we’re able to work on putting out a few through trade contracts with the Angara."

"Not like life out here is much better. Besides the glitz and glamour of being in Andromeda, we don’t exactly have a lot to offer right now for people waking up," Avitus's mandibles flare gently at the comment, flexing his fingers out in front of him, "We can't solve one problem without creating more. But leadership think it's worth creating more problems to get rid of the main one right now. Addison's right, more people means a better functioning economy for everyone."

“The economy means nothing if we can’t build anywhere for them to live.” Raeka says.

"And the Moshae's in our way right now," Vedaria gestures with her hands. Her expression dulls before she raises a brow, "Why doesn't she want us on Voeld anyway? Seems like it being as freezing as it is, they'd want to be anywhere but."

"Well, most if not all the worlds originally belonged to the Angara. It's why we're not settling Havarl or Aya -- those are their homeworlds. Voeld was a massive colony before the scourge hit it. They're still finding artifacts there from centuries ago," Talis stands from her own chair, groaning as she rolls her shoulder. It cracks audibly, "So was Kadara, but that and Elaaden were settled before we woke up. The Moshae already doesn't want us on Kadara but she's giving us special privilege there because they need help clearing out the Exiles."

Vedaria considers this, "So we have what, three worlds and the asteroid field to colonize freely? In theory it's not so bad, but the fact those worlds only really have small areas where the vaults have cleared up their respective problems..."

"It's probably closer to one world. Eos is the only world a lot of us can survive on, and we only really have so much built out there already. Whenever we adapt to whatever the Krogan have going on, we earn another planet," The sarcastic tone of the Turian at least makes her chuckle while he fiddles with the collar of his uniform. His smile is dim but genuine, knocking Vedaria on the shoulder gently, "Still, we can't moan and whine like everyone else is. Best thing we can do is handle the problems the Moshae mentioned. Clearing out the more violent exiles might earn us some more land."

"I'm assembling a smaller pathfinder team myself, I'm planning to head out and see what I can do about them. I would like your help, Ryder," Raeka nods to her, pushing herself away from the conference table and standing. She collects her things methodically, swinging her back over her shoulder, "You seem to know a good deal about the Charlatan. If you can get him talking, it might help us map the movements of the Exiles not allied with him."

Talis nods, "Mayor Tate's probably going to need help on that front. Ditaeon could use the support, I'll see about his monthly report soon."

"That'd be best," Raeka looks past Talis, "Rix, has Kandros said anything on what the timeline of getting APEX teams out onto Meridian is looking like?"

"All I've heard is soon. Think a lot of teams have been assigned out to Elaaden or helping with the Roekaar...or still dealing with pockets of Kett everywhere. We're just too thin to spare anyone right now." He answers, making similar moves to pack up his own materials, "With Ryder's team already out and completing operations, it wasn't exactly priority number one to get my Pathfinder team up and operational. Especially with my ark scattered out into spirits knows where."

"Then you and Damali should see about your respective arks waking your teams, or creating new ones. Surely you both can get a foothold on discovering what Meridian has in store for us," Her towering figure is commanding enough that all Talis can do is nod in response, "I'll let you know when I have something to go on Ryder."

"Same here."

And with that, the conference room is left empty. Vedaria shuffles out last, the door sliding closed behind her before Talis checks her omni-tools messaging system, taking a sip from her cold coffee. Bitter.

Three from her brother, asking after her for their lunch appointment tomorrow. She’d almost forgotten, having to see if Harry would finally clear him for active duty with the Pathfinder team before the Tempest took off again. Updates from Gil and Kallo on the Tempest retrofits. It seems neither of them were happy to be having others in the ships engines -- she's glad they can relate on something. A few from Vetra on procuring supplies for the crew, at that she shoots back a message to see if she could find any Piattos with some of the new defrosted shipments. Peebee has forwarded quite a few new documents on findings from Meridian. She saves those into her personal drive to read later in the evening. The few paragraphs she skims over look terribly interesting, something she’ll probably stay up later than is healthy poring over.

A few from Jaal, one correcting himself once he remembered she was in a meeting for the afternoon. She smiles at the soft greetings. It wasn’t enough to completely balm over her struggles from her earlier conversations, but it was nice to remember someone was in her corner.

Turning towards the massive bay window displaying the galaxy beyond her, Talis sighs. Distant stars twinkle back at her, and the long unfinished arms of the Nexus great her like a cold hello. With all the work she had done, it still felt like she was taking her first bumbling steps into Andromeda. And yet, they were more than a year and a half in. One problem had been fixed, but more were on the horizon. These were the ones she wasn’t trained for. She wasn’t trained to fix supply issues that couldn’t be ended with an operation out to a distant station. She wasn’t trained to play diplomat, and certainly wasn’t trained to deal with the politics of situations either. But now she had to, and she’s waffling over them.

Talis hesitates, wondering what her father would’ve done. Then, wondering what her brilliant mother would have done. She comes up empty. Unsure. All she knows is that they would’ve done a better job than her.

Turning over her shoulder, she runs a hand through her hair as she leaves the council chambers. They still had a long way to go.

[hewholivesinhisname]

Secular Hell

People have this idea that it's god who sends you to hell. a place of eternal suffering. You know, god is this big bad emperor figure and if you don't do what he says he is going to punish you.

I doubt it, that's the secular way of doing things.

In the secular world, there is no particular center in authority. There's lots of people who all want to be more powerful and because they all want to be more powerful they all come up with the same idea:

"obey or I torture you"

I mean, there's also money of course. you can bribe people too, but money is really a measure of how much social power you have accumulated based on participation in the devil's system of rulership. Rome was this way and the church which uses Jesus' word is like this.

-forever wars

-social services that never fix problems

-everything running on money with huge concentrations of money at the top

-lack of responsibility for anything anywhere

-reversal of the

-breakup of families

-images instead of reality

-poisoning the food

-destroying the environment

-addictive products and drugs

-technical progress leading to bigger and bigger weapons of mass destruction.

-prisons and concentration camps everywhere

-land ownership based on slaughter of indigenous populations and charging people high rents just to have a place to live.

-building ridiculous and enormous vanity projects for the rich.

-Usury and government bailouts for the most corrupt biggest usurers.

-child sacrifice, secret societies which abuse children

-violent gangs everywhere

-celebration of "althernative lifestyles" where people don't have children.

-pornography and weaponized sexuality meant to make people so sex crazy they can't think.

-official looking bureaucracies that make life miserable for the poor.

-MKUltra and other tactics meant to try to create invisible slaves out of everyone.

-so many laws that no one can pay attention to them all.

Therhavee are churches out there who have endeavored to try to help the homeless for example, but the secular authorities. The secular authorities destroyed all my stuff. The local police and authorities shut down the house that

In the past, well you know, you can imagine that each ethnic group might carve out it's own little space and live in peace. However, as John Carter points out "on each planet it is the same, the population increases, disagreements break out and war tears things apart" In particular all the wars lead to the advancement of bigger and bigger weapons and worse and worse tactics.

In order to try to avoid being taken over and invaded by larger powers, many smaller nations are turning to nukes such as NOrth Korea which became the ultra-dictatorship it is today thanks to the twice being invaded by Japan and America.

No one pays attention to the UN. they actually have really good ideas such as everyone working in brotherhood and ending poverty. However, thanks to overpopulation and the unwillingness to police the money system or the rich, that doesn't happen.

Ever since I've been alive, there has been nothing but conflict, chaos and the promotion of things that should not be promoted. The police who are supposedly there to protect the people are some of the worst offenders and teachers are basically there to brainwash children into being obedient to the system.

However, there's a lot of effort put into making things look nice, at least on the surface and to make things feel good as well. "if it feels good do it", in the thomas covenant chronicles, Lord Foul has 3 "ravers" who go possessing people. There's maybe a connection, honestly between excess partying all the time and evil because of course that's what evil wants you to think life is all about. Partying hard and not thinking about the consequences.

Evil rules this world, but even if it didn't quite honestly there would just a chaos underneath which evil could easily spring as people don't really seem all that interested in forming cohesive moral communities that make sense.

What's worse is that people always seem to be finding ways of shifting responsibility over to something non-human and you get the sense that all this "singularity" stuff is going to be a shield for cerateing some robot or other which the authorities will establish for ruling over everyone while the ultrarich escape to some elysium like place where they can live in "heaven" while the rest of us suffer down here.

The truth is that everything about the secular world stinks. There are endless secrets, endless complications, endless cons, endless people trying to get the better of each other. Endless fighting.

It's always going to be this way and the reason is that there's no agreement about who should be in charge and why.

You an turn to god though.

Of course, it's hard to know whether or not I am god. I freely admit that. I have a sense that I am and Anastasia Egorova, Paul Duncan and William Ho have all said that it's true without me telling them. William later retracted after he attacked me and we had a falling out, but he said he found me by opening up his ability to sense auras somehow. Even I don't know how it works.

Even if I'm not though, you can always just find a guy like me or Kevin Annette or, really any preacher who are interested in creating some kind of political community. In video games you have old dudes who will give you quests. I'll give you quests if you want them and I already have a sense of how things actually ought to be rather than the shitty way they are. If anyone else wants to work with me on that, well bully for you. If, instead you want to follow the ultra-shitty way of the secular world that's your call but don't be surprised when you find out that it's endless hellishness.

I am god though and i know deep inside that everyone is meant to obey me. It's an inner sense that I can't quite get rid of and that this obedience is a based on a form of freedom from other forms of coercion which are endless if you stay in the current culture.

They will talk endlessly about "freedom" for instance, but then give you endless ways by which you can spiral out of control, perhaps with porn or drugs or movies or whatever it is, then offer a solution which puts you deeper into the shit.

many people probably think that they will try to get to "heaven" or maybe find their own heaven, but let me tell you, if heaven was a place, then it would be constantly at war in the same way that Israel and the holy land are constantly at war. It might be nice to occupy heaven or the holy land, but if you get it through force, it's only going to be more trouble since someone else is going to steal it from you by force. Heaven is not a place, it is a state of being that manifests around me naturally.

Your purpose is to obey god, the only question you need to ask yourself is how to figure out and find who the real god is.

[omegapheromone]

Is it REALLY a high standard when all I'm asking for is a nice-smelling alpha who's completely captivated by my scent but isn't weirdly obsessive or toxic when I need my own space? Is it? Is it really?

Im gonna rant a bit and this is all just past personal experience and me being bitter so im gonna put it under the cut shjdjfqlf

At this point I'm not even sure I want to date anymore. I'm tired of dealing with creeps and I'm tired of being treated like someone's possession or "territory". The only person I belong to, the only person who has any claim over me, is ME. I can make the conscious choice to be with a person, but that doesn't mean I'm handing over some "ownership" of myself as a person to them. And in the past, every single person I've dated- misce or not- has clearly treated me like an object they own, not a person with their own wants and interests. I've been infantilized and told I can't make choices for myself because "I'm easily swayed by other people" or "my decision-making can't be trusted" and I'm so utterly fucking tired of it.

There's a difference between being protective and being controlling and to me it always feels like alphas often don't know where the line between those is drawn. I don't understand why it's been so hard for my past partners. Expressing concern is one thing, obsessively blowing up my phone every 5 minutes when I'm hanging out with friends is another. Why is it that my past partners have never been able to trust me? If I was going to "cheat" I wouldn't be with them to begin with.

These days I wonder if maybe THEY were the ones doing the cheating and that's why it was projected onto me so often- couldn't spend any amount of time alone with my friends, or else they would accuse me of things that seem so stupid in hindsight. Did these people really not understand the differences between platonic affection and romantic feelings? Even when I clearly expressed I've never seen my friends in a sexual/romantic light, why'd I get accused of so much shit? To the point where I was forced to cut off certain friends entirely, until I was almost entirely isolated, just for the peace of mind of some asshole who thought that because I'm an omega, I will jump at any random stranger I find even remotely attractive?

I don't know. I'm ranting, and so annoyed. This isn't anything recent, I haven't been in a relationship, or even a situationship, for a few years now. I swore off it after a break-up with someone I thought was good for me, but turned out to be mutually toxic. I think the only reason I was so into them at the time was because anything was better than my abuser back then, and it was a "way out" and away from said abuser. It sucks because I wasn't at my best, clearly, and it just didn't work out- that person wasn't a bad person, just had their own issues as well.

Thinking back, I just feel angry that I only grew a spine recently. I could've saved myself from so much hurt if I'd just cut my abuser off when I first started feeling suffocated with him. If I hadn't fallen for all the "woe-is-me"s, "don't-abandon-me"s and "I-can't-live-without-you"s, I might've found someone actually worth my time. At this point I'm just getting older and most of the people around me are settling down with their partners, while I'm on my own- it's not necessarily a bad thing, just a small point of insecurity and loneliness for me, because I sort of feel like my abusers consumed everything desirable about me and now I'm just "leftovers" nobody really wants to have.

Eughh this rant is so disjointed and makes no sense. I'm just pissed off over memories and my past self. And astonished that my standards are "high" when all I'm really asking for is someone who's genuinely into me and isn't a shitty, abusive person. Also would be nice if my occasionally very low libido was understood as just a part of me and how my brain works after trauma, and I wasn't forced to perform in bed when I'm not in the mood at all, just to keep someone's ego in tact.