#like a reverse furry. animals are obsessed with you

[pagesofkenna]

dead boys post again sorry

thinking about the bi options here, ive decided:

(basic) edwin's confession helps charles realize he's bi and in love with him, they kiss on-screen (cute but i realized its amatonormative and pretty cookie cutter)

(worse) charles actually isn't bi and they have separate romantic melodramas (maintains the friendship > romance anti-amatonormative angle but at the cost of charles being bi, which won't do)(also this is a cw style melodrama so theres still amatonormative stuff happening regardless)

(the actual best option) edwin's confession helps charles realize he's bi but he's still not in love with edwin (literally no downside here)(recovering pining coupled with unrequited guilt its delicious to me)(get to do an entire arc where charles gets a crush on some other boy and has to keep it secret because he doesnt want to disappoint his best friend)(edwin eventually finds out and is so sad his best friend didn't let them celebrate his queer awakening together)

[hesitationss]

everytime i accidentally make a sound when i eat like if i scoop too much food in my mouth i think of that horrible anime style where everything looks like love live loke everything is just a loli girl to sell more figurines and the always make that weird sound to eat and how i've met irl non asian people and weird asian girls who make themselves eat like that because they're all into playing into the fetishism of it all... something something about how mentally, psychologically it is impossible to escape knowing things about how certain aspects of your being are inherently objectified. like i don't smoke weed anymore but shortly after i started smorking i became like hyper aware that white stoners were obsessed w east and southeast asian girls who smoke weed esp watching them taking bong rips like whyyyy. even my stoner roommate from a couple years ago who's indian noticed it like he got so uncomfortable all the time when we went to the weed shop together but also i kept getting free rolling papers and a bunch of other stuff we called it 'reverse privelege' but on the inside we were like okay we need to start killing men who act funny.... anyway overthinking the body as an object and not as a person, but rather a mind that occupies a body that experiences psychic damage at being made aware of such body through means of objectification or discrimination is soooo silly... i understand the furry and cat person desire to be something you are not

[sscrambledmeggss]

what are some of your favorite romance animes? I haven't really watched any, and I trust your taste ✨

JDDJJD THIS ASK HAS MADE ME SO HAPPY THANK YOU <3

Shoujo animes are a mess BUT they are my mess so it’s okay 💖 I haven’t watched a few of these in years, so I might be masked by nostalgia but shoujo animes are all about having a good time at the end of the day, and I’m pretty sure these will give that to you 🕺

Fruits Basket (2019):

Genres: romantic comedy, supernatural, drama, slice of life

Length: 3 Seasons, 63 episodes in total (+ a movie, but I don’t like the relationship in the movie so I don’t talk about it 🥰)

Okay okay, so like the plot to fruits basket out of context sounds like wild heterosexual bullshit. BUT I SWEAR, it is such a wholesome show, and it’s probably my favorite shoujo anime. It’s even complete with soap opera drama on occasions 😫 (I would definitely look up triggerwarnings though!)

Synopsis: orphan girl moves in with three guys, they are secretly furries 🤨 (aka they are cursed so when the opposite gender hugs them, they turn into the Chinese zodiac animals 😭) surprisingly this is not a reverse harem anime, and you actually want her to live with the guys 🤨 it also like handles toxic family relationships, and grief really well. It also has a lot of queer coded characters 😭 2001 is a lot goofier, but 2019 is way more dramatic, and actually has the full series. :)

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Monthly Girls’ Nozaki Kun:

Genres: parody, romantic comedy, slice of life

Length: 12 episodes

This one is really fun!! It’s also very cute.

Synopsis:

Sakura Chiyo has a crush on this guy Umetarou Nozaki, and somehow ends up joining his manga team? Nozaki basically writes shoujo manga under the pen name, ‘Sakiko Yumeno’. He’s actually really open about it, but nobody believes him. 🦧 anyway she basically just gets to meet his team, and it’s a really fun and cute time <3

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

Ouran High School Host Club:

Genres: drama, romantic comedy, harem (but like it affects nothing, they are all mainly besties)

Length: 26 episodes

This is really unsurprising 🦧 BUT it’s a really fun time. A lot of things haven’t aged well in it, but for its time it really was changing things. Its a very episodic, romcom, making fun of a lot of common shoujo tropes, while still acknowledging that it’s basically the same thing it’s parodying.

Synopsis: Haruhi Fujioka is a scholarship student, at a big fancy school. She accidentally breaks a vase, and it puts her in debt with one of the clubs. Which happens to be a host club?? 🦧 so now she has to dress up as a guy and flirt with women <3 basically everyone is a stereotype, and it actively is making fun of rich people. 😭

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

Yona Of The Dawn:

Genres: romance, high fantasy, adventure

Length: 24 episodes + 3 OVA

Admittedly I haven’t watched this one in years, but I remember absolutely loving it. And luckily a friend of mine has watched it like this year, and she loved it as well. So I’m hoping that means it stands the test of time LOL.

Synopsis: Princess girly gets a reality check, and now has to girlboss too close to the sun <3 but it’s very fun. (This is all I can say without giving spoilers ig 🦧)

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

Snow White With The Red Hair:

Genres: fantasy, romance

Length: 2 seasons, 24 episodes in total + 1 OVA

I also haven’t watched this one in years, BUT I remember being obsessed with it. Sometimes I still check in on the manga to see what’s going on, I do not understand what’s going on. 💖 it’s very relaxed and cute though. And also nobody is in high school, which is always a good change 🦧

Synopsis: Shirayuki is a pharmacist who gets proposed to by a prince for straight up just having red hair?? 🦧 doesn’t want to marry said prince, so she then cuts off her hair, and runs away.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

My Love Story!!:

Genre: romantic comedy

Length: 24 episodes

This one from what I remember is really wholesome from what I recall :)

Synopsis: basically a guy who is seemingly “scary” is actually really sweet, like he’s not even a bad boy. He’s like anime equivalent season two Sam Evans. Gets a girlfriend, and the whole plot is just them being cute + the guys best friend being their bestie.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

Kamisama Kiss:

Genres: romantic comedy, supernatural

Length: two seasons, 25 episodes in total + 2 OVA

OKAY, so this one is a very good time from what I remember :) it’s main flaw is that the girl is in high school, and her main love interest is immortal?? So like an Edward Cullen type beat 😍

Synopsis: a girl ends up homeless (this is a very prominent trope if you can’t tell 🦧), and she runs into this guy, who kisses her on the cheek?? Turns out he’s a god, and has just given her his god title? So she’s just a god now. And she has to go to his shrine, and do god things?? And his old familiar (which is basically like if instead of working for Jeff Bezos, he just adopted you 🦧) isn’t very happy about it.

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

Anyways they are very much fun to watch <3 even if a lot of the time there’s a lot of “🤨” moments in shoujo anime, (they have an awful age gap issue) but they have been a very long time guilty pleasure of mine LOL. My friend and I have been purposely watching the bad ones, because they are equally as fun as the good ones.

[hircyon]

1,4,11,23,25,38,43 :>

1. Your first OC ever?

Strictly speaking, a blue and purple (and I mean CRAYOLA blue and purple) German Shepherd furry named Karma, that I made when I was 10 or something.

I really don't remember my first fandom OC. I'm not sure when I got "into" fandom. My most complete memory was Harry Potter, but that wasn't the first time I’d been obsessed with a media. Maybe the first time I was seeing and creating content within the context of fandom (as opposed to me @ 11 spamming a Redwall RP board with character submissions because I didn’t know what RP was, I just liked to make little guys).

I sure did make the Mary Sue-est of Sues to ship with Sirius. I don't remember her name at all but I do remember that she was genuine royalty but didn't know it until late in her "story," so she had like 6 names, because that's what I thought being regal was like. I think one of her middle names was "Tundra Aurora" I'm not shitting you. She was also an incomplete shapeshifter due to a tragic accident in her youth where she was struck with an errant spell (the one that uhhhh turns you into an animal. I'm NOT doing HP research in this day and age) and that somehow meant she could turn into any creature at will. Because of reasons. I really went off the shits.

4. A character you rarely talk about?

I almost never talk about Neira, Ayo's mom. She's traditionalist, for a Phindian, which means she tends to see people more as extensions of their value to other people and communities rather than individuals. That's what she thinks is most important. She's results-oriented and practical, a skilled negotiator. By the time she had Ayo (who was a surprise late pregnancy), she already had 6 kids and was tired of parenting. Not to say she didn’t put in the effort...but she was tired. Neira made a strong effort to lead Ayo in the right direction, but she let him be passed around with the families of her older children and cousins quite often, rather than keeping him strictly in her home.

She's strong-willed and emotionally withdrawn. She carries the trauma most adults her age do from the Syndicat's rule. Ayo never comes to see eye to eye with her, especially concerning his career as a pilot, which she sees as a selfish and frivolous pursuit. Neira openly regrets not sending him to a boarding school for part of his education, and sees his inability to serve his community and family as her own failing, as much as his.

I answered 11 in a previous ask. This post is going to get long, so

23. Introduce an OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?

I think Ayo has changed the most in his iterations. He used to be kind of bland. Still a pilot, still ran away from home to pursue being a pilot, but without any of the trauma or sensation-seeking coping mechanisms. Without any of the nuance or depth. He was just Astrid’s rock, originally. The responsible one in their relationship. It’s funny that the roles have fully reversed. He loved her deeply and put up with her emotional instability and flighty, violent behavior. I was very lonely and hardcore projecting when I created him; it showed.

I think he’s better now. He has purpose as a character outside of some vague sense of eternal love. He has an internal compass and goals that direct his behavior, reasoning that comes from within, not only because of his relationships. All of that has changed about him, and fairly recently (the last couple of years).

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)

Uuuhhh in fandom I take pains to NOT make characters too like me because I’m boring and I’ve got Mary Sue trauma. But. It would be Ponnik, now that I think about it.

He’s a little overweight, totally average height, totally average everything. Smart, sure, but not a genius like Moralo or Osi. He’s really into hologaming, but usually keeps it casual because he’s got a family and a wife to support. He’s the emotional rock, the stable one, the constant. A homebody. A little boring to people who like to go out a lot, honestly. Has a similar sense of humor to me (maybe less meme-y than I am). He’s also got a fluid sort of he/they thing going on that’s pretty similar the blasé way I treat my own gender. Dad culture’s just got a certain appeal.

 38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer?

You want technical perfection and physical power, that would be Astrid. But there’s no soul in her dancing, the way there’s no soul in any art she creates. If you want passion, that’s Ayo. But he can only dance at the club. Would be hopeless at something more structured like ballroom dancing.

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

Jesus Christ my standard OFC is the same character every single time I hop fandoms for any reason. I like stone-faced, icy girls with long hair, emotional constipation, and high cheekbones. They’re usually thematically tied to wolves or dogs, even if it’s a universe where I can’t blatantly make a furry (I’ll usually make a furry).

Outside my One True Girl, most of my characters are bi, in part because I gotta rep, and because it’s just easy to write a lived experience. They tend to have complex relationships with their families. Hard to find a character of mine that had a perfectly decent childhood (there are some). They tend to have some manner of mental illness or neurodivergency, even if it’s well-treated and doesn’t negatively impact their lives.

I tend to roll up traits I find funny or interesting like katamari around the concept of a character until it feels fully fleshed out.

[mcleancompton6]

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[mercurywaterblue]

The Truth About the Tumblessrr

What People Think Tumblr Is Like---

-SJWS

-Angry Feminists all up in your mouth and nose

-Those trans folk transitioning 

-Fandom shit

-Aesthetics

-Photography

-Funny shitposting

-Shoplifting groups

-Funny shit that gets screenshoted and reposted to Pinterest/Facebook

-Sherlock

-More fandom shit but this time it's pornographic (o wait shit they banned the ding dongs now, so no?)

-Funny jokes, but this time they are gen-z style humor

-Reverse Racism !!1111!!

-Art

-Complex discussions of the impact of Colonialism

-Porn

-Edgelords

-more evil sjws

-Evil socialists

-Fanart

Actual Tumblr

-Assholes

-Boogerheads

-Daddy kinks

-Mens rights acne-ists

- Fetishs

- People who want to fuck anything and everything

-Radical Right wingers who think left wingers should be hung

-Gun nuts who have somehow convinced themselves politicians are oppressing them

-Freaks

-Capitalist stans

-I’m not racist, bu...

-Women haters

-Socialists

-people who hate humanity aka more pro capitalist rhetoric

-just so many fuckwads

-Fanfic recs

- Headcannons

-pro any shipping aka anti-antis aka pedo and incest supporters

-Flat earthers

-People who think looking at a teen is pedophlia

-People who repost tweets

-Like one wholesome meme or faith in humanity post

-ppl who tell you their entire identity and history in their bio

-like they gotta tell u they are christian so u dont send porn i guess

-Actual good content

-more assholes & idiots

-People who wish Tumblr would die but still use it

-Animal blogs

-Serial killers stans

-Dragonkin

-Furries

-Mythology buffs

-So much D&D

-Critical Role

-Plants

-Crazy fuckers who mock mentally/physically disabled people but clearly have severe issues of their own

-More fan art

-Gifs

-Hentai no it’s still there, Apple

-You aren’t ever allowed to enjoy anything

-Harry Potter created transphobia

-Trans and non binary ppl

-Half of them are really cool & amazing

-Half call people terfs for liking something they don’t

-just bc u dont like something doesnt mean its transphobic

-and in general ppl who cant deal with nuance or just want to start drama bc

-Lesbians (who are all trans)

-Non trans/non-binary people

-Who are all gun obsessed nutcases

-Sherlock

-Lack of nuance discussions, and by discuss I mean flip out over people not liking the same shit

-Misogyny 

-Cyberbullying

-Aesthetics

-Funny content

-porn memes

-porn gifs

-they are still here apple

-Voltron

-Avatar

-Vagueposting

-Childish drama

-Accusations of content theft

-Good omens

-Art

-Like 3 ppl who actually know what social justice is

-Anti-fujoshis who don’t mind men fantasizing over lesbians

-More ppl who want to start drama

-Teenagers

-YA book lit

-Bizarre memes

-Teens who accuse everyone who looks at a kid of being a pedo

-Sherlock

-Horse weirdness

-That king arthur or merlin show whatver that ended four score years ago but people still shipping it

-Memes

-Trolling

-Actual  good discourse

-fan art

-ppl who post something like ‘penis meat!’ and get 10,000 reblogs

-People who do the same but get like 4 reblogs

-People thirsting over ugly ass celebs

-Loki

-anti anti aka pedo blogs who act oppressed

-Christians who act oppressed

-Sewing

-Riverdale

-Sexy half naked anime girl blogs

-Thorki

-Shitposts so abstract they have become dada esque humor

-more stupid drama

-Writing advise blogs

-people accused of being terfs who prob aren’t

-actual transphobes

-Call outs

-more creepy far right culture shit

-ppl telling kids to kill themselves

-K-pop

-Marvel vs DC -Homestuck

-ppl who love steven universe

-ppl who hate it and think fans should die

-Your fav is problamatic

-Fashion

What am I forgetting?

[italicwatches]

Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online - Episode 12

Well today’s all over the fucking place. Let’s get this done and play some Smash. It’s Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online, episode 12! Here we GO!

-Opening!

-Episode 12! “Applause”

-We begin right where we left off, with Pito and LLENN staring each other down. Pito’s thrilled, giddy, riding a wild high of a match with life and death on the line. LLENN tries to get real answers out of Pito, to hear her version of the story…And you know, death games are stupid bullshit, right? LLENN won’t even touch fantasy games after the SAO Incident from that super fucking garbage game ruining their whole reputation!

-So Pito cracks AND LLENN IS ON HER LIKE SONIC ON A FURRY SITE! SLASH TO THE THIGH, REVERSE, STRIKE TO THE NECK!

-Pito’s photon sword hits the water before she can even do more than snap it on, and she just PUNCHES LLENN right in the jaw, knocking the rabbit flying across the water! Pito’s down to 20% in that single exchange, and she’s pissed at herself…Then, she grabs P-chan the second, still having some life in it. Is this the end…?!

-No! Look, LLENN! Look close! No Bullet Line…P-chan’s firing mechanism is broken. Indeed, when Pito tries to fire, P-chan explodes in her hands, as she gives herself to save LLENN! The honor of the gun…We will remember you, P-chan!

-LLENN moves in on sheer instinct, Pito blinded by the flash and flame, and goes for the final strike…Only for Pito to catch her on sheer instincts, and knock her back! P-chan shatters, as Pito hauls LLENN up into the air, and even catches LLENN’s desperation play of a thrown knife…But Pito doesn’t want it. She calls M over, who’s managed to catch and bind Fukaziroh, and wants to borrow a gun to do this right…

-He tosses her his typical pistol, which she first aims at them…And fires twice, into M’s cheeks?! She knew he was a traitor. He played her, trying to put her in a position where she’d lose to LLENN…Any last words, M?

-He loves you. He has from the start. She knew. But love has no place on a battlefield. And she fires, right between the eyes. You are so fucked up, Pito! As a geyser erupts, she sings in German, and Pito gets her attention…Just long enough for Fukaziroh to to free herself with her hair knife! She charges in fast, Pito desperately putting LLENN in the way…

-JUST DO IT, FUKA! CUT AND KICK!

-Fuka cuts without hesitation! LLENN’s hands come off in a flash, and a boot sends her flying into Pito, where she bites down onto Pito’s throat with all the force of a crocodile! She bites, and rages, and tears into Pito’s flesh, seeking nothing less than her total end! But no, you won’t die…This is a game you stupid idiot! This is for FUN! So lose. Survive. And honor the promise they made, to meet in real life, you jackass. …You got it. And then she bites down again, taking that last hit point, as everyone just stares at the feed…

-And finally, the death flag pops up. Pito’s down. It’s over—

-A HAIL OF GUNFIRE RAGES, and T-S blasts LLENN and Fukaziroh to the ground, ending them before a single reaction can happen. …The audience reaction is not nearly as positive as it was the last time a Squad Jam ended.

-In the aftermath, Karen treats the gymnastics club to sweets and tea to thank them so thoroughly for their hard work and help. And they knew it was her birthday, so they got her something, too!

-A simple, but beautiful necklace, a representation of their connection. They will always be friends, both in this world and GGO, Karen.

-Of course, then there’s the issue of Pito…Cut to Karen and Miyu arriving at the airport, and joined by Goushi. Who Miyu is down with. She can make this sugar daddy thing work with you IRL too! Sadly, he solely loves the woman behind Pito. …Dammit.

-But, okay, into the car, time to drive to meet Pito. So what’s she like in real life? …You’ll see when you meet her. Though he can tell how things started. It might help. So he passes over his phone, which has an old selfie…He used to be chunky, real chunky. He’d always been big, and lacked self-confidence…When he met Pito, he fell in love immediately. And he wanted to be good enough for her. Wanted to be worthy of her.

-He was just another follower. When she confronted him…He ended up bound, tied, and blackmailed. It started with her essentially enslaving him…But in there, he found himself. Found a way to strive to be better for her.

-Karen quietly realizes that the M in his screen name comes from BDSM. Our boy’s a masochist.

-So that was life. And in time, it became happiness…Until the SAO Incident. When Pito’s obsession tipped to the edge.

-And they get to…Elsa Kanzaki’s secret concert at a local club! Pito owns this club. She helped forge Elsa’s fame. And Miyu is so very giddy, as they step on in. All is black and dark…And there, on the stage, is Elsa, clinging to an acoustic guitar. She sings, and plays, and pours out her heart…I mean, I think she does, we don’t got no song subs. I’m assuming this is a good and heartfelt song, though! I bet it contains lots of important story beats!

-Yeah, I can only imagine what we’d be learning about Elsa if we could understand a word she’s saying.

-It would change the world.

-Yep.

-Oh hey I get to understand the story again. As we meet one Satou Rei…And Karen steps right past to praise Elsa, who’s nervously in the corner. Because Karen’s realized the gambit they’re playing. Rei isn’t Pito…Elsa is. …Explain how you figured it out!

-One, Goushi got them here right before your performance. So close they had to come in via the side and not even find seats. If it had been even a few minutes before, they could have sat with Rei, if she was the real Pito. And then they came to your dressing room, not Rei’s office. Which meant it was for a reason. And the simplest one, was so you could see the situation and watch how they reacted.

-And then the second…Was how Goushi found her. How could he have put it together? …Her fan letter. The first time she connected Karen to LLENN for anyone except Miyu, and the only time once you rule out SHINC. The only person who would have known, would have been Elsa…Or, well, possibly Goushi, considering how famous you are.

-If Rei had been your manager, well, that might’ve actually worked. But a club owner wouldn’t have reason to have all the dots to connect. And Rei’s off to continue her actual work, letting them have their moment.

-When Karen hugs Elsa immediately, holding her tight. And she finally lets out all the tears, all the worry and fear and despair she felt about the possibility of losing a precious friend. Which Elsa responds to be kissing her. She might just keep you, too. Maybe she’ll come to your place and they can play, she could stay overnight…Karen has a panic.

-Credits!

-Aftercredits! Pito and LLENN are hanging out in the battlefield, and Pito wants to hang out in real life. No! You have a concert coming up! Goushi was upset that you were playing games instead of practicing, you know! You need to take better care of him, to say nothing of your job! How cruel, LLENN. …But the game is fun, isn’t it? It is. And Pito’s managed to overcome her shit, in the time since their meeting. She’s gotten help, she’s seen the value of life again. Even if she’s still pretty brutal in battle. …Maybe. But she never expected to see someone be even more ferocious than her.

-Really? Who?

-…Are you fucking serious you little murder bunny. Oh shit the trap went off TIME FOR A BLOODBATH MOVE MOVE MOVE!

Well, that’s about what I expected for the twist. Though the parts where Elsa and Goushi have a BDSM relationship so rough it could be hastily edited and published as a separate property was certainly a surprise.

And overall, a good show! I won’t lie, I’m curious if there’s more material, or if this was anime-original with no light novel or whatever to adapt…Or, I suppose, if it was a limited run that the anime covered the entirety of, but that sounds impossible.

So, what’s next? You know what, after all the games and fun, I think it’s time we did something a little more…Educational, what do you say? Wait for it!

[icespur]

It AU:Look What I Found Ideas

I write stories, not many of my stories are online yet though, cause hardly any of my stories are finished! But I write stories of the current fandoms I’m in, and now I’m obsessed with IT 2017 and Pennywise

And I have some story ideas I’m working on, I’ve bothered and mentioned my ideas in reblog comments but now that I figured out how to post I can actually tell you my ideas here!

So here’s one of my IT AU story ideas

The story is called “Look What I Found” and it’s a alternate timeline of when Pennywise came to earth, in the book he came to earth in a asteroid and crashed years ago and then became active when human civilization was built.

Well in here he still comes to earth the same way, BUT——-

He’s an egg....

The asteroid has the egg inside and when the asteroid crashes on earth it cracks open revealing the unscathed egg.

Years go by, creatures die, new creature born, Humans come in. The egg sits in the background as life goes on until in 1988 October when a little 7 year old child loses his paper boat in a sewer gutter, he’s too small to reach it and his parents would kill him if he were to go down into a dirty old sewer. So he has no choice but to go home and break the news to his older brother that he lost his boat, his brother tells him that he’ll look for it for him tomorrow and not to worry.

The next day Bill and his friends go down into the sewers to look for the missing paper boat, they eventually find it—— along with a mysterious black egg.....

Eddie is hesitant and says that they should ignore it but curiosity gets the better of them, thinking this egg is some “new discovery” or maybe it’s a real life dragon egg! So they take the egg with them

Oh boy was that a bad idea.

It seems the more the egg develops the more creepy sh*t it does

* At first it randomly glowed, but as time goes on it seems sometimes glowing is tied to it’s emotions... sometimes.

* If you are brave enough (stupid enough) to put your face up to the egg or put the egg up to a light, you will see a bunch of glowing lights, that gets brighter and brighter as time goes on. It wasn’t until a very weird incident at the park where the egg came in contact with a pregnant woman’s belly that may or may not have caused the woman to bleed, that now if you look at the embryo you will see a normal human fetus

*Can hear and mimic music and voices

*Whatever is in there has two glowing yellow orbs for eyes and it’s creepy!

*Georgie seems very attached to it, he talks to it as if it’s alive and can hear him, Bill’s starting to worry if letting Georgie get so close to the egg is safe.

*The losers have contemplated destroying the egg many times and have come very close to crushing it to bits with a hammer but usually Georgie begs them not to and talks them out of it, or the egg letting out human infant sounding cries stopping them.

* Especially once it become clear that the egg is draining life and certain movement of other people’s organs and limbs so it can have working body parts.

*Gets a very concerning childish disturbing glee from the losers fighting or any negative energy in general, making the egg glow revealing the silhouette of a fetus clapping.

*Eventully starts being able to make noises, squeals, squeaks, weird chattering gibberish, etc.

*Not even technically born yet and it already keeps them up at night. 11:00 pm on a school night the children are trying to get a good night sleep all of a sudden the egg starts glowing and rocking back and forth and loud carnival music starts playing on full blast

*Parts of the egg start to crack leaving a hole where it’s yellow eyes can peak out. Everyone is creeped out by this, except for Georgie who happily walked around the entire house with the egg giving it a tour of the Denbrough house

(I have a bunch of different versions of how the hatching scene would play out)

*It’s chaos when the egg hatches, once the storm clears and everyone is able to hold their breath a small baby clown is revealed.

Raising baby Pennywise........

*He’s a a**hole

*Baby-mutant-clown or whatever he is exactly, apparently develop differently then human infants. The first few days nothing seems too out of the ordinary, sleeps a lot, (to the point where Richie and the rest sometimes wonder if he’s dead so they poke him to make sure he’s still alive which upsets him causing him to curl into a furry auburn ball) But then eventually he randomly learns to stand up in his crib and stares at them standing up......at one week old—— normally a baby doesn’t stand up on it’s two legs for a couple months! He’s only a week old!

* Stan bought a “baby month development guide” book and that soon proves to be no help*

*Learns to sit and crawl very early (too stubborn to walk though)*

*Tries to eat and put every possible non edible object in sight in his mouth. Even before he starts teething*

*Georgie and him are still close, he’s like the younger sibling that Bill and Georgie never asked for. Georgie and Penny have become partners in crime and like to harass Bill. But at the same time Penny also sometimes sees Georgie as food and gets very interested in his arms..... luckily it will be a long while til Penny gets teeth*

*Pennywise is very attached to Beverly, sees her as his mom, and acts like a angel only for her. But when she’s not around—-his true nature comes out. Beverly thinks the boys are overreacting when they complain about how much of a little monster he is*

*Can shapeshift But not as well, he’s just a baby so he’s still learning. Only parts of him will shapeshift, like instead of turning into a full werewolf only werewolf ears will sprout on his head, instead of a full spider——only spider legs will sprout from his waist. sneezing and hiccuping affect his shapeshifting hiccups will make him rapidly change forms (like Maui in Moana when he first tries shapeshifting with his hook) and sneezing will cause parts of him to shapeshift “ah, ah, ah, ACHOO” (werewolf ears spring out on top of his head)*

*He can float.......Well, the actual wording for it would be levitate but he refers to it as floating. Which as you can imagine makes baby proofing impossible*

*Speaking of floating, instead of sleepwalking he also “sleep floats” meaning in the middle of the night randomly while fast asleep he will levitate/float out of his crib and around the house, making the losers freak out once they find out he’s not in the crib anymore and so they have to get a butterfly net and chase him around the house and catch him without waking anybody in the house or him up*

*Oh boy, changing diapers———Well first off, baby clown poop and pee smells even worse then normal human baby bodily fluids. In the words of Richie “It smells like something died in there” for the actual changing part sometimes Penny won’t want to sit still and will try to roll off of the changing mat, or he’ll float off the mat and in the air. Other things to worry about is——he can shapeshift, he can change his gender in the middle of a change throwing everyone off, will shapeshift different wieners or will shapeshift multiple wieners so you have multiple wieners spraying pee at you meaning by the time you are done you are going to be soaked in urine*

*his throw up is like acid. One time his tummy wasn’t feeling too good and one of the boys were playing around with him and lifted him up in the air and “BLEGH” all over their shirt. Penny is all happy and smiley now cause he feels all better while the loser is screaming that it burns and that it’s burning through his shirt*

*Eddie has unintentionally become——maybe just a, teeny tiny bit overprotective of Penny——-just a little bit..... Richie always jokes he’s become just like his mom. Eddie gears him with a helmet (that’s way to big and heavy for his head) they go swimming and he goes overboard with putting the swimming gear on him to the point where he’s just a blob of protective swimming gear*

*Since the losers all live in different homes with their own family they all take turns taking Pennywise home for the day, leading to interesting outcomes. Even though Penny is a toddler he catches on quite quickly that Alvin marsh isn’t a good person and quickly dispises him and brings it upon himself to f*ck with him every chance he gets, non of the adults can see penny so Alvin is 100% convinced a ghost baby is trying to kill him. Every time it’s Richie’s day to take Penny home with him penny always comes back with a new curse word, and they all know who probably taught it to him..... eventually Richie is banned from watching Pennywise...... Mike lives on a farm, oh those poor poor animals..... Ben is kinda scared of Pennywise since Pennywise sees Ben as food since he’s so chubby. Penny pokes Ben’s skin fat, and calls him things like “Pig” or Yum” But since Ben is into reasearch and history Ben would probably try to show him all the newspapers and stuff he’s collected, and then have to take them away from Pennywise since whatever you hand to him his first instinct is to shove it in his mouth or chew on it. Ben also would try to do research to find out what the heck Pennywise is exactly, Stan would be too busy with studying for his Bar Mitzvah to play with Pennywise. Although one doesn’t simply ignore Pennywise, when Pennywise wants attention you give Pennywise f***ing attention. Penny would listen to Stan read for a while but then get bored and decide that Stan has read enough for the day and start tearing the pages out of the book much to Stan’s panic and anger*

*Pennywise is very mischievous, all toddlers are mischievous usually. But Pennywise does things intentionally just to get a reaction out of you. He knows he’s not supposed to do it, but he’s gonna do it anyway. In fact saying “No” only seems to encourage him. The words “No” and “Spit that out” have never been yelled so many times with little results. He seems to run on reverse logic “No! Don’t touch that!” Pennywise stares at the loser—- frozen in place with his arm reached out in mid touch of said forbidden object. His eyes flicking looking at the loser, to the object, loser——object, loser——object, touch, no touch, touch, no touch, as if contemplating his next move. Still looking at the loser, Penny slowly extended his hand out, before the loser scolded him again making him freeze, Penny looked at the loser again. The loser shook his head, “No, you don’t do that” Penny mimicked his head movement, shaking his head. The loser nodded “yes, that’s right, “no”” Penny slowly nodded along with him.... and extended his hand again “NO!” Penny shook his head again then nodded and finally make contact with the object, knocking it down and smashing it to a thousand pieces. “Spit that out!” Pennywise slowly shoves the object farther and farther down his mouth with every “No” the losers yell.*

*he eventually learns to talk, can’t say a full sentence but can say some words clearly or if he tries to say a sentence it’s not the full sentence, a couple words unintentionally skipped. “Where going?” Instead of “where are you (or we) going” “Wha doing?��� (What are you doing?) etc. Can say all the losers names “Bill” Eddie” “Richie” “Stan” “Ben” “Bev” or “mama” “Mike” and calls Georgie “George” can say “float” of course, can say his full name or short name surpriseingly. “Pennywise” or “Penny” (he’s very proud of his name for some reason)

*In the movie there was going to be a “smoke hole scene” where we would’ve got to see Pennywise coming to earth but due to budget we didn’t get that scene cause it would cause to much cgi. Well in here they don’t have to do a special ritual cause they can just ask Pennywise! Who is happy to tell them except he’s a baby and all that comes out is gibberish since his vocabularie is still very limited so instead he tried to show them by drawing! But he’s a baby and his drawing and coloring skills aren’t that——readable.... so it becomes a guessing game trying to figure out what the heck that drawing is supposed to be.*

*his intelligence is very selectable, he chooses when he wants to do something, and some things just don’t make sense. Like he can write his full name in a style that would make any professional artist jealous but his drawing and coloring is that of a toddler (which does make sense cause he’s a toddler) he likes Henry a lot and calls him “Bow Wow” (bowers, bow wow) Why? Nobody knows. And sometimes calls him Henry but yet for some reason he can’t pronounce Patrick Hocksetters last name and the H turns into a C..... for once Richie did not teach him this but is very proud of him. And one day out of the blue penny started responding to the losers in Swedish...... no one knows why, there isn’t anything Swedish that he was exposed to lately but they now have a Swedish translation dictionary to find out what the heck he’s saying...*

*Always maneges to steal Eddie’s inhaler and then Eddie has to chase him to get it back*

*Loves water. So bath time is a lot of fun, that also mean they gotta keep him from trying to eat the bath products and the water etc..... also has a fascination with the sewers and always tries to go there but of course the losers stop him*

*when penny gets mad he pouts, making his pudgy little cheek puff out and he’ll refuse to look at said person that made him angry and maneuver himself so he’s facing the opposite direction of that person*

[tayegi]

Nerves (m)

In a lab experiment gone horribly wrong, your nervous system is merged with Kim Taehyung’s... 

Scientist!Taehyung AU 

Warning: smut and ridiculous, fake science crack 

Word Count: 12,419

It's been a long week.

You've been clocking out twelve-hour workdays at lab for all five days. So being able to finally lie down on the couch with a glass of wine is heaven. Your back aches from slumping over your computer day in and day out, and your eyes are bloodshot with strain from staring at the lines of code. It feels so good to just curl up under a plush quilt with your heavy head cushioned by multiple shams that you find your eyes sliding shut within minutes.

You haven't been able to sleep much this past week either, so stressed by the recent disaster at lab that your panicked thoughts keep you up all night. Feeling relaxed enough to fall asleep is an accomplishment in of itself, so you don't try to fight the lull of unconsciousness one bit. Sleep is washing over your mind, pleasantly buzzing in your skull, when suddenly—

Bam!

Crippling pain hits you like a shot to the side. "Ow!" You cry out, violently ripped from your precious sleep as you double over, both hands pressed tightly to your stomach.

There is no one in your studio apartment with you. You are completely and utterly alone. Yet the feeling of a hard shoulder ramming into your middle is unmistakable.

"Kim. Taehyung." You hiss under your breath. Then you're diving for your phone to angrily punch in the number you've dialed way too many fucking times this week.

Luckily, he picks up after the third ring, "Ah, ___," He chimes your name on the other end, "Hello!"

"What the hell are you doing right now?" you growl as you massage your still-sore tummy.

"I'm playing football!" he brightly replies, "But I think Jungkook won…"

"Wait, football?" you repeat in astonishment, "Tackle football?"

"Um… is there any other form…?"

"Taehyung!" you yell his name in frustration, "What did I say about playing sports or doing any dangerous activity in our condition?!"

There's a pause on the other end, and you can practically see him blinking with confusion, "… That I shouldn't?"

"Yes," you grit out in exasperation, "And what are you doing right now?"

"But, ___, it's really fun," he whines, "Do you want to come over and play with me?"

"No!" you barely refrain from shouting, "I am trying to get some rest. 'Trying' being the key word before I was so rudely awoken. Taehyung, can you please let me rest for once?"

"Alright, ___," he reluctantly agrees, and you don't need to see him to know that he's pouting, "I'll stop playing."

"Thank you," you curtly mutter before you abruptly hang up on him. Still annoyed, you irritably kick at your blankets, trying to get comfortable again on your sofa. But it's too late and Taehyung has ruined your peaceful mood with this damned stomach pain that won't go away. You'll probably have to pop a few ibuprofens before it'll leave you. Damn.

And that is how you spend the fifth day sharing a nervous system with Kim Taehyung.

A lab experiment gone wrong.

That's the nice way of describing the terrible accident that merged the pain receptors in your central nervous system with Kim Taehyung's. Before the accident, you had only known him as one of the molecular cell biology graduate students working under Dr. Bang, the principal investigator your lab was collaborating with on a pain receptor separation study for patients with chronic pain in the hospital.

The nature of the collaboration was simple: your computational biology lab came up with the technology to complete the experiment, and the Bang lab only had to carry it out in organic models. Easy as pie. The Bang lab had successfully tested the program you and your lab had slaved over for years, on mice and larger mammals, before they finally got the governmental approval necessary to move onto human subjects, exactly five days ago.

You remember the buzz of excitement around the entire biology department. A cure for chronic pain in a non-addictive way? A substitution for opiates that might combat the drug-abusing issue once and for all? This would be revolutionary. A medical advance that would go down in all of the textbooks. And you would do everything in your power to make sure you got third author on the finished paper.

Of course, the principal investigator of your lab would be first author, and Dr. Bang would be second. But you deserve to be third. You did not devote your entire academic career and years out of your quickly dwindling youth to this project for nothing. You would do anything in your power to make history as one of the inventors of this revolutionary cure. So when Kim Taehyung, the enthusiastic but asinine, third-year student of the Bang lab offers to be the first human test subject, you jumped to intervene, diving after him in the scanner without a second thought.

He should not have entered the scanner so carelessly. And you definitely should not have launched yourself after him. It's a series of ill-timed mistakes. The scanner was not meant to take such a quantity of subjects, and could not adapt to the complexity of both of your nervous systems. But before the senior scientists could intervene and save you, the machine that you've labored over for the past three years overheats, buttons lighting up by random and noisy beeping sounds filling the quiet hospital floor.

And when the smoke clears, everyone is horrified to find that the opposite objective of the experiment occurs—instead of separating the pain receptors in your nervous system, the scanner has combined them.

You can now feel everything Kim Taehyung feels, and vice versa…

You are so fucked.

Oh, and the broken scanner is just icing on the cake.

Your whole lab spends the next week frantically searching up ways to reverse the results and unmerge your nervous systems. Luckily, after a comprehensive medical exam, the doctors in the hospital determined that there was nothing physically wrong with you or Taehyung… except for the fact that you can feel everything this complete stranger is feeling, of course.

After you are discharged from the hospital, you absorb yourself in your work, beyond humiliated by your mistake, and determined to get the scanner up and running again so you can make history and get on that publication already. Although it took you and all the rest of the students years to create the first scanner, you still have the blueprints and all the coding files saved, so it shouldn't take that long to recreate. This is just a minor setback in the grand scheme of things. It's really not a big deal…

Or at least, that's what you think until you realize how fucking insane the man you're sharing your nervous system with truly is.

It only takes twelve hours of sharing a nervous system to realize that Kim Taehyung is a psycho. Every two seconds, you're bombarded with sensations. He must be the clumsiest person alive, for he's always tripping over literally everything. You can't concentrate on your work for sudden feelings of vertigo and sharp pains in your knees. He's also weirdly obsessed with furry animals. You'll be drinking coffee in the morning, and suddenly coughing it up all over yourself when you feel ticklish fur rubbing up and down your face. And always, always it's due to the fact that Taehyung is playing with his test animals… again.

The kid is in charge of decapitating mice and pulling out their spinal cords to examine under his microscope, not cuddling these death row subjects. It's so difficult to concentrate on the lines of code on your screen when you feel something furry crawling on your skin at all times of the day. But all of this is tolerable… until you realize how Taehyung lives his life outside of lab… with that insufferable meathead roommate of his.

You'll be coming home from a long day when you suddenly find yourself strapped for oxygen, an invisible force choking off your air supply as Jeon Jungkook catches Taehyung in a headlock across town. You'll be trying to enjoy a quiet supper when you feel yourself lifted off your feet and thrown across a broad shoulder. The last straw is when you are on the phone with your grandma, wishing her a happy 80th birthday, when you suddenly feel heavy slaps against your ass. The way you had screamed Taehyung's name in a high-pitched voice made your grandmother jump to inappropriate conclusions. And now your whole family thinks you're some kind of sexual deviant.

So three days after the failed experiment, the morning after your scandalous phone call with your grandmother (which she had put on speaker, to make things so much better), you march up to the fourth floor where the MCB department is located and bang on the door until someone lets you in. They take one look at the utter fury on your face and wordlessly lead you to Taehyung's desk.

The young biologist is still wearing his white lab coat as he sits back in his chair and considers an image of a mouse brain on his computer screen. He looks up at your brisk entrance, "Oh, hi there ___!" he crows, smile appearing on his handsome face in delight from seeing you for the first time since the accident, "What brings you here?"

You say nothing in response, but simply grab him by the hand to yank him out of his seat. He stumbles, making you both grunt in pain when the edge of his desk rams into his hip, but luckily catches his balance to totter after you.

"Where are we going?" He asks, eyes bright with curiosity as he cheerfully follows you out of the lab.

You ignore him as you push him into the stairwell and yank him up to the fifth floor. Then you stop outside of the neuroimaging lab. Fortunately, the door has been wedged open, so you effortlessly pull Taehyung inside, pausing as you glance over the rows of tables and workspaces.

"Ok, which one of these fuckers is Jeon Jungkook?"

You could hear a pin drop in the deafening silence that ensues. Then a short man with rimmed glasses who must be a postdoc awkwardly points to his deskmate. There's another pause. Then the oversized young man sitting in front of the computers sheepishly raises his hand.

You blink as you take in his broad shoulders and the firm muscles that are visible even under his lab coat. Good lord… This won't be easy… But you have a score to settle. So you feign confidence and wag a finger at him, "You, meathead. Come outside now." And without waiting for a response, you grab Taehyung by the elbow and drag him back into the hallway.

A few seconds later, a confused neuroscience grad student wanders outside to join you, "Um… Taehyung, what's going on?" But the older man is just as confused and can't do anything but shrug.

"Muscle pig, I'm just going to ask you a single question before we start: Are you aware that your roommate and I share a nervous system?"

"Uh…" he glances between you and Taehyung in bewilderment, "Yeah…?"

"So you knew that Taehyung and I share the same sensory receptors?"

"Yeah… Tae told me all about the accident... I'm sorry, ma'am."

"Ma'am?!" you spit back in astonishment, "What the hell did you just call me?"

"Uh oh…" Taehyung whispers under his breath, clearly feeling how your nails dig into your palms when you curl your hands to fists.

"Huh? Did I say something wrong? I don't know what you—ow!" The neuroscientist cries out in alarm, both hands darting to his backside when you abruptly kick him in the butt, "What the fuck? Why are you—ouch! Stop that!"

"Taehyung, hold him down!" You growl as you try to chase after a rapidly fleeing Jungkook.

The biologist laughs out loud in delight as he happily throws his arms around the muscular younger man, "Get him, ___!"

"What the hell is going on?!" Jungkook bellows in anguish as you launch another flying kick to his ass, "Ow! That fucking hurts!"

"Payback's a bitch!" You cry out as you wallop him again. Your foot hurts at this point, so you use the heel of your hand instead. The loud slap that echoes through the deserted hall is the most delectable sound that has ever graced your ears.

When the neuroscientist begins to squirm in Taehyung's grasp, the older man shoves him against the wall, ass out for your relentless spanks, "Hit him hard, ___!" He exuberantly cheers you on, "Make him really suffer!"

You happily agree as you spank the young man's ridiculously toned ass over and over until your palms are chafed to a hot red color. "Damn, I should've thought to bring a ruler," You mutter in irritation.

"I still have no fucking idea what's going on!" Jungkook loudly laments, "Stop hitting me!"

"You deserve it, thunder thighs," You growl at him, "If you mess with Kim Taehyung, you fucking mess with me, too!"

"You're so cool right now, ___!" Taehyung exclaims, stars dancing in his eyes as he gazes longingly at you.

"Tae, you are going to pay for this when we get home," Jungkook snarls.

"Oh, don't you dare!" You exclaim, aiming such a hard hit to his left ass cheek that your entire hand tingles, "I know where you work now, you drumstick. Mess with Tae again, and ho boy. Forget a ruler. I'm bringing a whole damn tree next time."

"Ugh fine, I won't! Just let me go!" He cries out.

You're reluctant to allow him off the hook so easily, recalling with anger the numerous times he has pounded the life out of Taehyung—and you by association. You shake your head, wringing out your wrists to prepare to smash him with your non-dominant hand, when Taehyung suddenly gasps, "Oh shit! There's his PI!"

You look up in surprise, but sure enough, there's a dignified older woman with steel-gray hair marching down the hall towards you. You'd recognize that famous neuroscience investigator anywhere.

"Run, ___!" Taehyung exclaims, grabbing your hand that is still hovering over Jungkook's sore ass, and yanking you away.

You allow him to fearfully usher you down the hall, but not without one last warning, "You better watch yourself, beefcake. Mess with Taehyung again, and that's the last thing you've ever do!"

"What the hell is going on here?" Jungkook's principal investigator demands when she finally arrives at the scene of the crime.

But Taehyung has already shoved you into the staircase.

After you so sloppily beat up Jungkook on the fifth floor hallway, Taehyung begins to idolize you. At first, it's just a minor inconvenience how he spams you with texts (well, mostly strange emojis) and bursts into the computational breakroom uninvited when you fail to respond quickly enough. He always brings cookies though, and the other computational students love his wacky sense of humor, so it's not a big deal… Until a certain time of the month comes, and Taehyung is insufferable.

You wake up on a Tuesday morning two weeks after the accident to find that Aunt Flo has paid you an unexpected visit in the middle of the night. So you shuck your ruined underwear in the hamper with a sigh and stick a pad on a new pair of underwear. You're brushing your teeth in the bathroom when a sudden dull ache invades the pit of your stomach. Damn it. Your menstrual cramps have arrived earlier this month.

You briefly consider popping a few painkillers, but then you remember that you wanted to have a drink with some friends tonight to celebrate a successful dissertation defense (or mourn a failure), so you ruefully place the ibuprofen back in your medicine cabinet. Luckily, the cramps aren't as terrible as they usually are, so you opt out of your clunky plug-in heating pad and hot water bottle for just a few hot patches. You can just slip them under your shirt during bathroom breaks at lab, and you'll be all set for the rest of the day.

Before you leave the house, you grab a few herbal tea bags to replace your usual caffeine supply at the office. And you don't think too much about Taehyung until you arrive at the lab an hour later to find him at your workstation, curled up in a ball and howling.

"Taehyung?"

He bolts upright at the sight of you, messily knocking over some of your lab notebooks in the process, "___!" he cries out your name, eyes filled with tears and nose runny, "I missed you!"

"What? Tae, I literally saw you yester—oomph!" you grunt in pain when he suddenly tackles you, nearly sweeping you straight off of your feet if not for the arms wound tightly around your waist.

"___," he cries again, "I love you!"

His passionate confession draws attention from all over the sterile work area. Your face flushes with embarrassment as your curious lab mates from the experimental rooms poke their heads in, trying to find the source of the commotion. "I love you too, Taetae," you quietly whisper to him as you attempt to push his head away from your bosom. But he clings on like a koala and burrows deeper into your chest.

"My tummy hurts so much," he drools on your right boob, "I think I'm going to die!"

"Wait what?" you ask in alarm, "Why don't I feel anything? Taehyung, are you okay?"

"It hurts!" he screeches, "My stomach is being torn in two! And my chest is so sore and my lower back is so achy. Am I going to die?!"

"Wait, I don't understand why this is only happening to you… Is it appendicitis?" you ask, sympathetically running your fingers through his soft caramel hair, even as his drool soaks through your shirt, "Should we get you to a hospital?"

"___," he moans, "If I don't make it, just know that I love you, okay?!"

The biology student has always been dramatic and generous with his affection, but this is another level of weird. "Um… Do you want me to call your mom?"

"___, is this your boyfriend or something?" A cool voice calls out from behind.

You jerk in surprise and crane your neck in Taehyung's needy embrace to find your postdoc supervisor standing in the doorway, amusement in her expression as she takes in your inappropriately intimate position. And then you're madly scrambling to break from Taehyung's grip, "No!" you cry out, "This is not what it looks like! This is just the MCB student from the accident remember? I just—stop it, Tae!" you push him away by the forehead when he starts gnawing at the collar of your shirt.

"Hmm, I didn't realize that you guys were dating already. Do you mind taking this to the lounge room?" she asks as she brushes past you to her desk.

"I'm so sorry, Jihye-ssi. We will get out of here immediately." And then you grab Taehyung by the back of the neck to forcefully drag him out of your lab.

You're just about to push him through the front door when Taehyung suddenly grabs at your hair, "Yes, Tae?" you ask in the calmest voice you can muster.

"I just… I really love dogs," and with that, he bursts into tears.

You stand there for a while, awkwardly petting his hair in utter confusion when a lab mate nearly runs into the two of you as he enters through the doorway, "Whoa, is someone PMS-ing?" he laughs before strolling past into the lab.

You can't speak for a few moments as your lab mate's lighthearted jibe sinks under your skin. Then you turn to Taehyung with fire burning in your eyes, "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Half an hour later, the two of you sit side by side in the lounge room, heating patches on your tummies, steaming mugs of chamomile tea in hand, and an entire bottle of midol on the table in front of you.

"I'm sorry," Taehyung whispers for the hundredth time.

You rub your fingertips into your temples, "I told you not to talk for the next half hour."

"…Sorry."

There's a brief moment of blessed peace while you pour over your lab notebook, when you suddenly feel hands on your shoulders, making you flinch at once. "What the hell are you doing, Taehyung?"

"My shoulders ache," he explains as he kneads his large hands into your tense muscles, "Which means that yours must hurt, too. Doesn't this feel nice?"

You know that you should nip this overly touchy feely habit of his in the bud before he gets too comfortable. But then he works out a particular kink in your neck that has bliss flooding your system and you can't find your voice to complain.

"Oh god," Taehyung unexpectedly moans, "Wow, that's good."

You're confused for half a second before you remember that your nervous systems are connected. Then you're cringing with embarrassment, "Taehyung!"

"Oh, right there," he groans as he rolls the palm of his hand against the nape of your neck, "Shit!"

Your face is probably as red as a beet at this point, "Tae!" you hiss at him, "Are you doing this for you or me?!"

"For both of us," he says with a toothy grin, "Your muscles are so much smaller than mine and so easy to loosen… This feels way better on you than it does on me. It's amazing!"

You hurriedly turn around to slap his hands off of you, "Stop that! You're causing a scene with those obscene sounds!"

"There's no one in here this early in the morning," Taehyung protests, "Please let me give you a massage? It feels so nice… Also can I rub your stomach too? I'm still cramping."

A little pout appears on his handsome face as he says this, and you feel your resistance crumbling. He's surprisingly adorable, like a little puppy dog. You're so tempted to concede. But then—

"And your boobs, too? They're so sore."

Your mouth drops, "You fucking pervert!" You screech at him, turning to aim a punch at his arm, not caring when you hurt yourself in the process.

"Ouch, that's not what I mean!" he cries out, arms raising to defend himself, "I just wanted to make you feel better—wait, no," he blanches at his unfortunate word choice, "No, I swear I didn't mean to—"

"Ow!" You both scream out in synchronized agony when you kick him in the butt.

It takes a few days for you to finally get over the period debacle. And Taehyung has to grovel at your feet with ice cream before you finally forgive him… Though you continue to wear turtlenecks every day at work, despite the heat of the summer, in case he gets the wrong idea again.

Finally, it's Friday night. An older graduate student in the molecular cell biology program has passed his oral dissertation defense earlier this week, and invited you out to celebrate. Your classmates are all probably already at the bar right now, doing a quick happy hour round of drinks before heading to the club. But you can't bring yourself to leave the comfort of your sofa.

Your favorite drama is playing on the TV and you've got a six-pack of beer all to yourself. This beats going out any day of the week. You happily crack open another can and take a hearty sip. Treat. Yo. Self.

You kick your legs out on the sofa, stretching your cramped legs out like a cat, when a sudden tickle in the pit of your stomach makes you pause. Is that Taehyung…? You frown as you slowly sit up and press both hands to your abdomen. That's funny. When you talked to him earlier today, he said that he was also planning a quiet night in. Huh. Must be the alcohol then.

You squint into the can of beer in your hand, then shrug and take another swing. Even if the alcohol's gone bad, no broke ass grad student would dare toss it out. Instead, you decide to head to the kitchen to grab some snacks to neutralize the acidity. But as you're reaching for some potato chips on the top shelf, an intense sensation sweeps over your core, making you double over with a shriek.

But no matter how you grab at your stomach, it doesn't stop the dark pleasure from rolling over you in waves. This is definitely no alcohol-induced cramp. This must be—

"Kim Taehyung!" You screech his name like a curse as you run into the other room to snatch up your phone and punch in his number vigorously. You're pissed to find that his number has made it to the top of your contacts list—that's how damn often you've been angrily called him up in the past three weeks.

The phone rings and rings for nearly half a minute before Taehyung finally picks up, "Oh… hello…" The guilty unease in his tone confirms your suspicions.

"Are you… Are you doing what I fucking think you're doing right now?!"

"Um…"

"What the hell were you thinking?!" You snarl at him, "Who the fuck are you with right now?! You told me you'd be alone!"

"I am alone," he insists.

"What? Don't lie to me. If you were alone then why do I…?" your voice trails off as the revelation suddenly hits you, "Oh… my… god. Kim Taehyung, are you fucking masturbating right now?!"

He gulps on the other end, "…Maybe?"

You narrowly resist the urge to slap your forehead in frustration and cross the room to pick up your beer, chugging half the can in one go. Then you hiccup and wipe your mouth, "Taehyung!" You bellow when you catch your voice, "What did I tell you about doing these sorts of things when we share the same fucking nervous system?!"

"But, ___," he whines, "It's been three weeks!"

"So what?!" You bark back.

"I haven't been able to get myself off for three whole weeks, ___. It hurts!"

You collapse back on the couch with a deep sigh, "Taehyung, we are so close. Seriously, it'll only take a few more days—a week max—to fix the machine. Then we'll be back to normal and you can jerk off as many fucking times as you feel like. Does that sound good to you?"

He pauses for a moment, then whimpers, "I can't wait that long."

"Taehyung!"

"___," he groans your name, "I am so hard. If I don't come right now, do you even know how bad the blue balls will be? I'm doing this for your sake, too!"

"Well then you shouldn't have worked yourself up to such a state! What the hell were you even doing?!"

"I'm sorry, but I'm a man!" he exclaims, "I just pop random boners all the time—it's biological!"

"How are you still acting like a pubescent teen at your age?" you hotly shoot back, "Control yourself!"

"Who's the biologist here?" he exclaims, "It's normal and healthy!"

"Hey, wait a minute! Computational biology is still a discipline of biology, you self-centered prick! You think you're all that just because you play around with a bunch of rodents all day? Well, you ain't shit, bitch!"

There's a beat of dead silence. Then, chagrin fills you from your childish outburst. You open your mouth to apologize and backtrack, when electric pleasure suddenly spikes in your stomach, followed by a deep groan on the other end. Astonishment fills you, "Are you touching yourself right now?!"

He grunts in response, and the pleasure continues, growing in intensity you can barely think, "You sound so hot when you're cursing like that."

Your mouth dries, "Are you… are you getting off to this conversation?"

"Mmhmm," he shamelessly increases the speed of his strokes until his wrists burn from the effort. You can feel the pain as clearly as if it was your own. And as for the throbbing length clutched tightly in his fist… You don't possess that particular appendage yourself, but you can vividly feel how his long fingers caress each sensitive area until stars are bursting past your eyelids. "Keep talking, ___," he pleads with you, "It's seriously so hot."

There's no way you're going along with this ridiculous, unprofessional request. This is definitely crossing a line! So you open your mouth to deny him, but at that second, he twists his hand up his length, wrist flicking at the tip so perfectly that a moan comes pouring out instead.

He pauses at that, sucking a breath through his teeth and you can feel his erection twitch in his grip, "Fuck, that's even better," he curses, "___, moan for me again."

"Why can't you f-fucking watch some porn and—hng—and l-leave me alone?!"

"Oh god, that's it, baby," he hisses, "Keep talking to me like that. You're making me so hot."

His words pool directly in your center. You press your thighs together to resist the urge to reach for your vibrator and shakily grab your forgotten beer instead. But your hand trembles too hard to keep the can steady and you end up sloshing the drink over when you take a sip. Both of you gasp when the icy liquid trickles down your shirt and under your bra.

"Holy shit," Taehyung chokes out, "Are you pressing ice to your nipples? You naughty little girl."

"Wait, no!" You exclaim in horror, "That wasn't my intention! I accidentally—ah!" you shriek when he abruptly cups his balls.

"I'm close," he pants as he expertly fondles himself with both hands.

Forgetting that he can't see you on the other end, you nod your head, then collapse onto the couch, your eyes fluttering shut against the overwhelming bliss that consumes every nerve ending. It's so different feeling pleasure with a male body. It usually takes you forever to get yourself warmed up, with or without a partner's help. And even then, the wrong touch or a slight, millimeter's adjustment in angle will shift the budding pleasure to irritation in the blink of an eye. But with Taehyung… every single touch feels like liquid fire. It's so good that you find your hips lifting off the couch, instinctively careening forward for more.

"H-hurry Taehyung," you find yourself begging, "Please hurry."

He groans at the desperation in your tone, and jerks himself off harder, using the excessive precum at the head of his swollen dick to lubricate his movements. You can feel the pressure building in his balls, his orgasm so close that you can taste it on the tip of your tongue.

"Fuck, ___!" He groans, whole body wracked with shudders as he races towards the end. Another half dozen hard pumps of his slick length, then he releasing with a guttural shout.

Your mind completely blanks for a few seconds, with nothing but white light filling the hollow of your skull, as ecstasy inundates your system. You're not sure how long you lie there, curled up on the couch quivering from Taehyung's drawn out climax until a cold sensation on your stomach jerks you out of it.

"Sorry, ___," he whispers, his voice hoarse from his orgasm, "I'm just cleaning off."

"O-oh," you say, heat flushing your face as you shakily reach for your half-empty can of beer to take a sip. The hand Taehyung suddenly wraps around his limp dick makes you spit it out again. "Taehyung!"

"Sorry," he says again, "I don't know what's wrong with me. I just came, but I already want to come again. I'm so horny, ___," he whines, reaching down to squeeze his hypersensitive length again, "Ow! But it hurts when I touch myself. What the hell is going on?!"

You are so embarrassed at this point that you pray for the ground to open up and swallow you whole. All you should do at this point is hang up and pretend like nothing happened. This is just a lab colleague, not someone you should be having phone sex with. This is beyond crossing the line. But somehow… for some crazy, unexplainable reason, you can't bring yourself to hang up the call, allowing the MCB student extra time to connect the dots…

"Wait a minute…" he mutters, "I just got off and I'm horny again… this has never happened to me before… which means… it's you."

Your entire body curls with humiliation, your face so hot that even Taehyung must be able to feel the heat.

"Oh god," Taehyung chokes, "How are you this turned on when you haven't even been touched?"

"Taehyung!" you yell out, turning to burning your face in a cushion, thoroughly embarrassed. He chuckles in response, his voice so deep that a new wave of arousal flows over you. Yes, he has had his release, but you certainly have not.

"This hurts, ___," he groans, "Why aren't you touching yourself?"

"This is… this is wildly inappropriate," you stammer, "The machine should be up and running by Monday. And then we can do whatever we want in our personal lives."

"Monday? Are you serious? I can't wait that long. I can't even wait another minute," he grunts when he gives his flaccid penis another squeeze, "Damn my refraction time! Please touch yourself, ___. Please."

You bite down on your bottom lip, sorely tempted by his breathless sounds of pleasure. There's nothing you'd rather do than shove your hand down your pants and grant yourself the relief you've been denied of for three grueling weeks. But you'd never survive the embarrassment, "I can't."

Taehyung huffs in annoyance, "What's the problem? Sure you can… unless…" His Adam's apple bobs in his neck as he swallows, "___... Do you need a hand?"

You're not sure what you were expecting, but you sure as hell weren't expecting that. "What?"

"If I leave now, I think I can get to your apartment in fifteen minutes," he says so quickly that his words come out jumbles, "Let me just grab my keys and I'll—"

"Wait, Tae. Stop!" You exclaim, "Don't come over."

"What? Why not?" he protests, "Are you doubting my abilities, ___? I swear I can make you cum harder than those flimsy little fingers of yours."

You squeeze your eyes shut against the filthy images that swarm your mind, "God, Tae…"

"I'm serious, ___," he murmurs, his voice suddenly dropping to a seductive rumble that you feel down to your core, "Won't you let me help you out? I'm really good with my mouth."

You don't doubt that. You've seen that irritating oral fixation of his first hand, after all. "That… That's not a good idea, Tae."

"Oh, come on," he complains, "It's not a big deal. You helped me out already and I'm just returning the favor… Please let me taste you?"

You're so overwhelmed with desire that you can't speak for a few seconds. Fifteen minutes. That's all you'd have to wait, then Taehyung's beautiful face would be between your legs, that wicked tongue of his delving into you and finally, finally relieving you of this pain. Fuck. It's an offer nearly impossible to resist…

Nearly.

"Fuck you Taehyung!" You screech as you abruptly hang up the call, then throw your phone across the room, careless even when it bounces off the wall. Your trembling legs nearly give out from under you as you scamper across the apartment, and when you finally get to the bathroom, you collapse in the bathtub. Without bothering to remove your clothing, you turn the shower to the coldest setting and allow the icy water to dampen the ravenous flames of your desire…

Still, you have to sit there, drenched and shivering, for nearly half an hour before the urge to drive to Taehyung's apartment and jump his bones finally subsides.

"Hello?" you croak into your phone the next morning. Your head is groggy from sleep deprivation and your throat dry.

"Good afternoon," Jiyoung, a fifth year student in your lab chimes in greeting, "How are you?"

"Good afternoon?" You repeat in confusion, "The hell are you talking about?"

"___... It's three pm… You aren't sleeping by any chance, are you?"

You're flustered by the accusation in her tone, "N-no, of course not! I just thought… that this qualified as evening?"

"Oh… Hmm. I suppose you could be right? Well, good evening then!"

"Good evening," you awkwardly return the greeting, "Is there something wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go grab drinks and go dancing with us tonight."

"Again?" you ask in surprise, "I thought you guys celebrated yesterday."

"Seunghoon's parents unexpected showed up on Friday to take him out to dinner. We had to cancel," She complains, "So I'm trying to gather up everyone for tonight instead. You down?"

You're so exhausted from a sleepless night that you really should be taking some time to recuperate. But the idea of copious alcohol to drown your troubles is too seductive to turn down. "Just text me the time and place and I'm there."

The bar is packed to the brim on a Saturday night at ten o'clock, but luckily your friends have arrived early enough to secure a booth to themselves. You congratulate the recently graduated older students before slinking into a seat in the very back corner to help yourself to the pitcher of beer.

They laugh at your eagerness and help you fill your glass up to the brim, "Someone's looking to have a good time," Jiyoung quips as she slides your beer towards you.

You take a deep drink out of it before responding, "It's been a long week," you say with a smile.

"Well, you better catch up," Seunghoon says as he grabs a shot of tequila off the table and offers it to you, "You're two rounds behind."

Normally, you would politely refuse his offer and laugh it off. But today is much different. Before he can tease you, you grab the shot out of his hand and pour it down your throat without waiting for him to grab the salt and lime. Everyone at the table turns to watch in surprise as you slam the empty glass upside down on the table with a contented smack of your lips.

"Aren't you afraid of how this will affect Taehyung?" Jiyoung hisses at you as she watches you reach for your beer again.

You scowl at the very mention of him, "Why should I be? He can't control what I eat or drink. It's not like we share a stomach."

"Yes, but the repercussions of your drinking could affect him as well," she wisely points out.

"That bitch deserves it," you mutter darkly to yourself as you take another sip.

"Deserves what?" A cheerful voice calls out from behind you.

You turn around and nearly spill the beer down your shirt at the sight of Kim Taehyung beaming at you from where he stands at the head of the table. "T-tae?!"

"Ah, I'm so glad you could make it, Taehyung!" Seunghoon warmly greets the younger man with a hand clasped on his shoulder, "Here, come have a drink with us."

"Thank you, hyung," The biology student happily accepts the beer from the older man, then slides into the booth to join the rest of you. It just so happens that the only room left is the tiniest sliver of space between you and the wall. A normal person would be mindful of the limited seating area and hover on the edge of the seat, as to not brush you. But not Taehyung. The biology student unabashedly takes over the entire seat and encroaches into your personal space as well.

You swallow at the feeling of his thigh pressed shamelessly against yours. You attempt to sidle up to Jiyoung on the other side of you, but she only laughs and pushes you away, complaining of the heat. As a result, you're stuck next to Taehyung, so close that the heat from his body easily soaks through your thin clothing to warm you to the core. Your whole objective behind going out tonight was to drown your sorrows and distract yourself from memories of the night before. It was literally your only goal… and you've been thwarted in a manner of seconds.

You hesitantly reach for your beer again, desperate for something to cool off with, but your elbow accidentally bumps into Taehyung's shoulder when you raise the glass to your lips.

"Oops, it's pretty crowded in here," Taehyung laughs, awkwardly trying to slide his arm out of the way, "Here, this is better."

You nearly choke on your drink when he swings his arm around your shoulders like it's the most natural thing in the world. Less than twenty-four hours ago, he had the same hand that currently rests against your arm wrapped tightly around his cock, pumping himself so furiously that his muscles burned. You resist a shiver when his long, slender fingers begin to play with the sleeve of your shirt.

"I didn't realize that you were friends with Seunghoon," you say in as calm of a voice as you can muster.

"Hmm? Yeah, I know most of the sunbaes in your department. They all treat me well."

Any other day, you'd be almost annoyed by his popularity and his utter ease at making friends. But today, you can't think about anything other than the dexterous fingers playfully skirting under the hem of your short-sleeved shirt. All you can think about is how he had begged to bring you pleasure with these same fingers just the night before. You can clearly imagine how much nicer this would feel if he was teasing between your legs instead. And that little fucker knows exactly what he's doing to you, what you're helplessly conjuring in your mind. He has to, the way his fingers suddenly swirl in tight circles into your skin, as though he was fingering a more sensitive part of your anatomy…

"A-ah, guys!" You exclaim, instantly bounding to your feet to escape Taehyung's evil clutches, "Let's… let's dance!" And without waiting for an answer, you grab Jiyoung's hand to tug her out of the booth.

But with Taehyung sitting at the end, you have no choice but to clamber over his lap, sloppily brushing against his broad chest and grabbing a knee for support when you nearly topple over. He doesn't help you one bit, watching you flounder, but of course he instantly jumps to his feet like the perfect gentleman when it's Jiyoung's turn to crawl out… Asshole.

"Wait, no one's really dancing yet," your lab mate complains as she trips in her heels trying to keep up.

She's right. There's only a smattering of couples on the dance floor at this early hour, and you feel foolish trying to join them with only one shot of tequila to lubricate your inhibitions, but anything is better than that cramped booth with Kim Taehyung. You shake your head clear of all tumultuous thoughts and turn to Jiyoung with a smile.

"This is fun! Come on, let's go!" you exclaim with an awkward swivel of your hips.

"This is embarrassing," she grumbles as she reluctantly sways to the beat, "Everyone's a couple here. There's no one to dance with!"

"Just dance with me," you playfully reach out to grab her by the hips.

She instantly squirms out of your embrace with a squeal, "Stop it!"

"What's wrong?" you frown, disappointed by her rejection.

"You know I've been trying to score a man for weeks! I don't want them getting the wrong impression seeing us together."

You laughingly raise your hands in defeat, "Fine, fine. I'll help wingman you instead… Ooh, look over there! There's a group of cute guys coming towards us."

"What? Oh my god, they're so cute! Hurry, ___. Dance sexier!" Jiyoung hisses at you with a little slap to your pelvis.

"What? What does that mean?" But it's too late, and the guys are already here.

"Hey ladies," a tall man with mussed purple hair greets you, "Mind if we join you?"

Jiyoung tosses her long black hair over her shoulder with a sultry smile, "Not at all."

He grins, both dimples flashing as he begins to dance with her. His moves are a bit stiff, but that is the least of Jiyoung's concerns as her face lights up like it's Christmas day as she eats up his appearance.

You resist the urge to laugh as you watch your lab mate practically drool over this tall, dark stranger. He's clearly her type. She's going to have a lot of fun tonight. Damn. So caught up in your amusement, you forget about his other friends until one of them catches your attention by resting a hand on your hip.

"Would you like to dance, beautiful?"

This man is shorter than the first, but his defined muscles, clearly visible from his clingy muscle shirt, makes your mouth water. You nod your head, eager to take your mind off Taehyung, then twist around to back into his embrace. To your surprise, you quickly realize that you might have gotten the better deal between the two friends when the muscular man behind you begins to grind against you with such fluid movements of his hips that your head feels woozy. His hips are really flexible… and strong. You can't help but wonder in what other context he could demonstrate these skills….

You've only had one shot and a bit of beer, but it's enough to make your head feel woozy, like it's stuffed with cotton, as he continues to roll his hips against you, his hard body pressed against every line of your backside. You're light-headed enough to collapse entirely when his chiseled arms unexpectedly reach out to grab you by the hips.

"What's your name?" he whispers in your ear, his hot breath sending chills down your spine.

You shakily tell him, "It-it's ___. What about you?"

"Jimin," he says.

You can feel the curve of his smile against your neck and it's so sexy that you can't breathe for a moment. You're struggling with a response, when suddenly Jimin is forcibly pulled off of you. You whirl around in surprise to find Taehyung standing in front of you, his hand fisted around the front of Jimin's shirt in a threatening manner.

"Who the fuck are you?" The shorter man exclaims in confusion, both hands raising to try to wrench away Taehyung's hard grip.

But the biology student simply tightens his hold and narrows his eyes to slits, "You don't want to find out." And with that, he lets him go. Jimin mutters a curse under his breath, but is clearly not invested enough to argue any further.

You watch him walk away in despair, "Wait, Jimin!" But it's too late and you're left alone with Taehyung in the middle of the dance floor.

"Don't you think it's a bit rude to pick up another guy when we share the same nervous system?" He quips as he snakes a hand around your waist and pulls you flush against him. "Do you even know how gross it felt to have another man rubbing his dick on your ass?"

Your face flushes with embarrassment, "I'm sorry, Tae. I didn't think about that. I won't let anyone touch me again."

"Good girl," he purrs in satisfaction, "Don't let anyone touch you… except me, of course."

Your eyes widen, "Wait, what?" You try to twist around to look at him, but his grip on your hips is too strong.

He curls a second arm around your middle too, wrapping you in such a tight back-hug that you finally notice a pressure against your lower back. Your eyes widen, "Taehyung, what is that?"

He nuzzles his nose into your hair, breathing in deeply, before responding, "It's your fault," he murmurs, "You're the one who got aroused back there in the booth. My body's just reacting."

The blood drains from your face when you realize that he was perfectly aware of your visceral reaction to his proximity simply from sitting next to him. "Oh god, Tae!" Overcome with embarrassment, you try to escape the uncomfortable situation. But your wiggling causes your ass to unintentionally rub against him, making pleasure shoot through both of your systems.

"Mmm that feels good," he groans, hands grabbing at your waist to hold you in place. He tentatively rolls his hips forward, and both of you groan at the subsequent sensation.

"Two days, Tae," you hiss, "Two fucking days until the machine is fixed. Can't you wait just forty-eight hours?"

"No," he bluntly says before leaning in to press his lips to your neck. "Please let me repay the favor for last night."

You gulp at the feeling of his wet tongue sliding across your pulse point, "Y-you're just saying that because you want to feel my orgasm."

"No. I'd happily eat you out for hours even when our nervous systems are separated on Monday… But it would feel nicer for both of us if you let me do it today."

You shake your head, trying to dissipate the tendrils of lust that curl in your mind, blocking your rational thought process, "You fucking pervert," you curse at him, enraged by the way he's so easily getting under your skin.

"Hey, you got to experience my orgasm yesterday," he chuckles in your ear, "And don't you even try to deny that you enjoyed it. I know you did. So isn't it fair that you let me feel yours?"

"Fine," you snap, "Let me go so I can rub one out then."

"Wait, why? Can't I give you a hand?" he whines, tightening his grip on your waist as he continues to rub his bulge against your ass, building the pressure in his stomach until it reaches its boiling point. You can't help grinding your hips back against him, increasing the intense sensations until he grabs your arm with a yelp, "Ah, ___, what are you doing? You're going to make me cum."

Your eyes threaten to roll back at the way he moans that statement in your ear, but you force yourself to collect your wits and roll your hips back against him as hard as you can, "Good," you pant, "Get it out of your system."

"I don't want to cum in my pants," he groans, crashing his mouth against the crook of your neck to muffle his sounds, "I want to cum inside of you."

His filthy words combined with the feeling of his teeth grazing your neck makes it hard to think. You glance around the dance floor desperately to find someone to save you from this situation. But all your friends are still in the booth and Jiyoung's completely absorbed in her tall purple-haired stranger on the other side of the room. You're entirely on your own here. And there's only one thing left to do.

So you spin around and clap both hands on Taehyung's face to yank him down for a searing kiss. He reacts instantaneously, lips parting and tongue darting forward to meet yours. It's so strange to kiss him and feel yourself kissing him at the same time. But this causes the sensations to double, and the dual stimulation is so erotic but you can't help but melt against him, hands scrambling down his body to search for more.

Both of you groan when you unintentionally brush the straining erection in his pants. Taehyung breaks from the kiss to rest his forehead heavily against yours, "My place or yours?"

"Mine," you answer at once, "I'll fucking kill Jeon for real this time if he interrupts."

Taehyung laughs in delight, long legs easily catching up with your rapid stride as you impatiently drag him out of the bar.

Half an hour later, the two of you are crashing through your front door, so thoroughly intertwined that you must have traumatized your neighbors and your poor taxi driver on the way over. Taehyung's belt is unbuckled, his shirt unbuttoned to his navel, and your skirt is pushed up over your hips, his hand firmly lodged in your underwear—a position he hasn't budged one inch from since sliding his hand down your waistband in the backseat of the taxi.

"T-tae," you stammer as you kick the door shut, "Take this off," you say, yanking impatiently at his shirt. You manage to undo all the buttons, but he refuses to remove his hand from your panties long enough for you to pull the shirt off his arms.

"I am so fucking glad that you were the one who went into the machine after me," he groans as he rubs hard circles against your clit.

You shakily laugh as you give up on his shirt and work on his jeans instead, "This wouldn't be as fun, then… unless you were actually hoping for Dr. Bang Sihyuk to run after you instead…?"

Taehyung pauses to shoot you a look of disgust, "What's wrong with you?!"

You giggle at his reaction, "No offense, Tae, but I was hoping that Dr. Bang would be the one in the machine… or maybe even Kim Sejin," you say, referencing, the tall lab technician in the Bang lab, "But alas, here I am, stuck with you," you say with a dramatic sigh.

"Oh, sweetheart, now you're just asking for trouble."

Your laughter melts to a moan when he pinches at your clit in retaliation, "Oh, come on, Tae. Don't pretend like you've been in love with me and plotting this the whole time. I'm not stupid enough to fall for that bullshit."

"It's true. I didn't really know who you were before this, nor did I care much," Taehyung admits as his free hand reaches to unzip your dress, "But then you kicked Jeon Jungkook's ass for me three weeks ago... And that's when I fell for you."

You jerk up in surprise, "What? You fell for me… Because I was beating up your roommate?!"

He enthusiastically nods, "Yeah, it was so hot! I knew I had to have you after that."

"Are you crazy?" You bark, suddenly jumping away from him in concern, "How could you actually be into weird shit like that? Are you a pervert?"

He chuckles, "You're just so sexy when you're all aggressive like that. I was so horny afterwards that I wanted to touch myself that very day, but somehow I managed to hold back until last night… Aren't you impressed by my self-control?"

The way he beams at you, eyes scrunched up in delight, you're reminded of a small child seeking praise. It's so adorable that your stomach churns at the thought of corrupting his innocence. "Oh god, you're like a baby," you groan, "What kind of adult actually goes around fishing for compliments like that?!"

"What's wrong with that?" He pouts, grabbing you by the arm when you try to remove yourself from his embrace, "I've been hard every night for weeks, ___, just thinking about you and how hot you'd look all steamed up, yelling at me to fuck you… Don't you think I deserve a reward for that?"

You can't speak for a few moments, resigned to simply gawk at his sudden shift from innocent to carnivorous in half a second flat. His eyes, clear and bright with laughter a moment ago, are now so dark that they appear lupine under the dim lighting. You can't help stagger back a step, your body unconsciously attempting to put distance between yourself and this predator.

Noticing your fearful reaction, Taehyung smirks and takes a long step forward, rudely intruding into your personal space, "Get down on your knees."

You find yourself dropping to a kneeling position before you can process your actions. Something about the darkness of his gaze triggered this visceral need to obey. Pleased by your reaction, Taehyung affectionately strokes his thumb over your bottom lip, then reaches to fumble with his belt. He's just managed to unzip his fly and shove his jeans down to mid-thigh, when he suddenly pauses.

A mischievous smile slowly unfurls across Taehyung's face as he drops his hands from his crotch, "___... I have an idea."

Dread fills you as you watch him cock his head to the side in curiosity. Uh oh. "Wh-what is it, Tae?"

His smile broadens, "Where's your bedroom?"

Your mouth dries at his unexpected question. Then you're rising to your feet, grabbing Taehyung by the wrist to drag him to your bedroom. You pause for a second by the foot of the bed, expecting him to lay back against the headboards for you to suck him off, but to your surprise, he pushes at your lower back to urge you onto the mattress. Confused, you follow his directions, crawling towards the headboards. But before you can reach your target, Taehyung grabs you by the ankle to flip you over onto your back.

Then he's climbing onto the bed after you, sliding up to cover you with his body. His shirt is unbuttoned to the waist, offering you glimpses of lean, tanned muscle before he's abruptly dropping his weight on top of you to trap you against the mattress. Then his mouth is at your neck, sucking at the ultra-sensitive flesh in a way that makes you both moan.

"This is unfair," you complain, "Y-you're only doing this because it feels good to you, too. But you're not left with ugly ass hickies."

Taehyung chuckles at this, "Don't worry; I'll let you mark me up later," and with that ominous promise, he slides down the length of your body, large hands shoving your legs apart to make room for his head.

Your breath catches in your throat when his intentions become glaringly clear. At first, you're touched by his seemingly selfless gesture, forgoing a blowjob to eat you out. But then you remember your situation. "You're a fucking pervert!" you growl as you attempt to snap your legs shut.

But he simply laughs and crams his body between your thighs to wrench them open, "I'm just curious to see how it feels, ___. They say the female orgasm is way better…"

"I'm not one of your fucking guinea pigs to experiment on, Tae!"

"They're mice, ___," he gently corrects as he attempts to coax your skirt down your legs, "And why do you always think the worst of me? I swear I'm not as selfish as you make me seem!"

You snort loudly at that, "Yeah, because you're more selfish."

His eyes narrow dangerously, "I'll make you eat your words once we're separated, baby girl."

Your eyebrows raise, "Oh, is that so? And how do you plan on doing that?"

"Like this," he says, suddenly swooping down to swipe his tongue over your drenched slit.

You gasp in surprise, hips instantly rising off the mattress to meet the heat of his mouth. It's so weird being able to feel the softness of your pussy on his tongue at the same time, but it turns Taehyung on so much to taste you that you can't help but react as well.

"Oh shit," Taehyung groans as he struggles to continue flicking his tongue over your clit, "I wanted to tease the fuck out of you… You're such a little brat, you don't deserve to cum… But this feels so fucking good. Goddamn."

Your laugh turns into a warbled shout when he suddenly wraps his lips around your clit and sucks hard enough to send tears to your eyes. The pleasure is so fierce that Taehyung instantly descends into mindless lust, furiously sucking at your clit while his hips hump against the bed, uncontrollably.

"Oh my god," Taehyung moans around your pussy, "Oh. My. God. How am I so good at this?"

This instantly snaps you out of your cloud of bliss, "Wait, what?"

"Mmm, I've always known I was good at this, but I didn't know I was this good. Damn, those girls really weren't faking it."

Your arousal fizzles out, "You arrogant fuck!" you hiss at him, shoving at his head, "Get off of me!"

"Why?" Taehyung complains, clinging to your thighs, "This feels fucking awesome!"

"I'm not here to stoke that oversized ego of yours," you seethe, "Your head is already too damn big."

"It's an objective truth that I am good with my mouth," he laughs as he lightly kisses the inside of your thigh, "You can't deny it!"

"It's also an objective truth that I can shove my foot up your ass," you mimic him.

He cheekily sticks his tongue out at you, "Yes, but it'd hurt you too, babe… Unless you're secretly into that…?"

"How are you such a fucking pervert?!" you exclaim as you angrily kick him out from between your legs, "Get on your back, bitch."

Taehyung giggles happily as he happily flips over, scrambling to press against the headboards, "Are you going to suck me off, baby?"

You scowl at the childish excitement that brightens his handsome face, "No," you bluntly say, just so you can watch the smile slide off his face with sadistic relish.

"What? But, ___," he whines.

You clap a hand over his mouth before he can complain further, "I have never met anyone so damn noisy." And with that, you lean down to paw at the fly of his pants. When your fidgety fingers make contact with his bulge, both of you groan, and the sensation distracts you for a long second before you remember the task at hand. You yank his jeans down to mid-thigh as soon as you get them open, then reach in his underwear to pull out his rigid length without a moment's hesitation. You roll it in your fist for a few moments, shivering at the pleasure, before you collect your senses to reach in the nightstand for a condom.

Taehyung breaks out of his blissful trance at the feeling of you rolling the latex down his length, "Ah, aren't you on the pill?"

"Yes, but I can still catch your nasty ass diseases," you gently reprimand him as you test the hold of the rubber.

Taehyung scowls at that, "I could've checked us both out at the lab in like ten minutes," he grumbles, "But you had to be difficult and hold out on me until the last possible second…"

You roll your eyes, "Shut up."

He opens his mouth to argue more, so you have to stifle his complaints by rising on your haunches and abruptly dropping yourself on his cock. The pleasure that suddenly bursts in your system with the force of a rifle blast to the gut takes you completely by surprise. You have never experienced such immense pleasure so abruptly before, and you can't bring yourself to move as you sit frozen on his dick, helpless but to soak in the sensations.

His manhood is so sensitive, laced with nerve endings that light up at the feeling of your wet, unbelievably tight heat swallowing him whole. You're cushioning every inch of his cock so beautifully, warmth enveloping every side, and squeezing so hard that he can barely breathe. You've never imagined that sex would feel this incredible for a man. Lucky ass bastards.

Taehyung is equally as affected. He kicks his head back at the feeling, mouth hanging agape and fingers twisting around the sheets underneath him to attempt to stable himself. There's a long pause where the two of you struggle to process the overwhelming sensations. Everything is so strange and foreign that you can't think, and as a result, Taehyung is the first one to come to his senses.

"This isn't as good as I thought it'd be," he says as a small frown creases his brow.

Your jaw drops in indignation. Who does this asshole think he is? How good could the pussy he's been getting possibly be if yours doesn't match up? "What the fuck Tae?!" You spit at him, "If it's such shit, why don't you just go fuck yourself?!"

He quickly whips out a hand to grab your hip, anxiously holding you in place when you move to roll off of him, "That's not what I meant, ___," he rushes to clarify, "You feel amazing around me. But how I feel to you… Sex really isn't that great for women… Shit."

Your lips twitch with amusement at his unexpected response, anger quickly forgotten, "Yeah, you idiot boneheads all think your dicks are made of gold or some shit. But it really just feels like an irritating poking half the time."

"And it kinda hurts!" Taehyung exclaims in shock when a sudden rocketing of his hips causes pain to shoot through your system, "What the hell?! This is so unfair!"

You bite back a laugh as you gently grind yourself against him in small circles, "It's all about finding the right angle," you explain as you swivel around his cock, "It's more like a slow build. Intercourse for women is probably more similar to anal for you guys, since you have your prostate and all that."

Taehyung's brow furrows as he tries to muse over your words through the blaze of pleasure, "That makes sense. There are twice the nerve endings in a clitoris than a penis, so it's insane how we don't focus more on that during sex."

"There's also a recent study that demonstrated that vaginal orgasms might just be deep clitoral orgasms," you add.

"Really?" His eyes widen, "What was the sample size of this study? What was the data collection method?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure, but it wasn't just self-report."

"Wait, what about the G-spot, then?" he persists, "Or does that just stimulate the clitoris from the inside out?"

"That's exactly right!" You exclaim, impressed by his quick deduction, "The G-spot is on the anterior wall of the vagina, remember? Which is the location of the clitoris."

"Oh, where the clitoral crura lies?"

"Yes, under the urethra."

"Damn… I've never thought about this before… I feel so guilty now," Taehyung says, his face twisting in displeasure.

"No, don't be. This just proves that even indirect stimulation of the clitoris is sufficient in approximately—oh my god, Tae. What the fuck are we talking about?!"

"About how the human body is so flawed so I should go down on you for a century after this to make up for all of mankind's selfishness."

You chuckle at his words, "You are so lame. I've never had such a nerdy conversation during sex before."

Taehyung grunts in response, "I'm just so pissed that this feels fucking incredible to me, but so mediocre to you… Don't worry, though. I'll make it up to you."

Before you can ask him what he means, he licks his fingers then reaches between your legs to thumb at your clit. The pleasure bursts across your senses like a whip lashing under your skin. Both of you recoil at once, toes curling and moans filling the bedroom.

"Oh fuck, you're clenching on me so hard right now," Taehyung pants as he speeds up the motions of his long, slender fingers on your clit.

"Mmm, I didn't realize it felt so good when I did that," you say, clamping down on him over and over until both of you are struggling to breathe. Suddenly, it breaks into a full out war between the two of you to see who can fuck up the other more—Taehyung with his nimble fingers, or you with your incessant clenching.

The only problem is that you fuck up yourselves in the process. Taehyung's additional pleasure is not additive, but rather multiplicative… exponentially multiplicative. Experiencing his pleasure increases your arousal, which in turn gets him even more worked up, and so this continues multiplying to infinity until all you can see is blinding white light swallowing your vision as you descend into madness.

"This is s-so good," Taehyung huffs as he runs rapid laps around your clit with his slick, textured fingerprints. "So fucking good, oh my god."

You ride him harder with a whimper of response, making the whole bed shake from the force of your thrusts. It's only been a handful of minutes. This isn't nearly enough time to get you off in a normal setting. But the two of you keep building off of each other's pleasure. And the combined force of his wicked fingers on your clit, his thick cock stretching you to the hilt, and the strange, but addictive feeling of your heat wrapping and tightening around his length pushes you to the limit.

Your entire body stiffens on top of Taehyung's for a second, squeezing down on him hard enough to hurt, then you're cumming all over his cock. You can hear the sound of Taehyung's strangled shout of pleasure faintly in the back of your mind as your climax sweeps through your senses.

The two of you are frozen solid for a few seconds as you process the aftermath of such an intense orgasm. But the voracious lust quickly returns, ten-times stronger than before. You're too perplexed by this painful need so soon after your orgasm to move, so Taehyung takes the initiative to rise to his knees and slam you flat on your back. Then he's thrusting into you hard enough to send you flying if not for his bruising grip on your hips.

Helpless moans fly from Taehyung's lips as he drills into yours, furiously chasing after his high. You try to raise your hips to meet him thrust for thrust. But your strength has been sapped by the relentless pleasure and your whole body trembles too hard to meet him halfway. So you can only lie there, boneless and sweaty, as you revel in the vicarious pleasure. Another dozen desperate surges into your heat, and he snaps.

Your mind blanks of all thoughts for a long, breathless second, and your vision narrows to a pinpoint of light. Then, everything bursts back into place, white light blinding behind your closed eyelids as pleasure inundates your system like waves of a tsunami. You're left helplessly writhing in the sheets until Taehyung shudders with sensitivity and pulls out of you. Then, you both collapse onto the mattress, heaving with exertion and boneless with exhaustion.

"Damn," Taehyung gasps as he turns to nuzzle his face into your neck, "I didn't know female orgasms lasted so long."

You chuckle, "Well, I didn't realize that male orgasms caused your mind to blank like that."

Taehyung smiles as he awkwardly shuffles off the bed to dispose of his filled condom. When he comes back to join you in bed, you instantly roll over to curl your limbs around him, in need of a bit of cuddling after a great orgasm. Taehyung happily pulls you onto his chest and burrows his nose into your hair, "___," he whispers your name.

"Hmm?" you sleepily respond, your heavy lids sliding to a shut.

Taehyung affectionately peppers kisses all over your bare shoulder before responding, "I know that you're tired… But how long will it take before you're ready to go again?"

Your eyes flash open in shock, "Wait… again…? You want to do that again?"

The biology grad student bobs his head up and down in affirmation, "Of course! That was the best thing I've ever felt in my entire life!"

You pause for a moment. Then you shrug, "Ok."

Taehyung's mouth splits into a wide grin, "That was easy to convince you."

You shoot him the dirtiest look you can muster, "I'm a scientist, Tae. This is an unprecedented opportunity to examine biological differences in orgasmic experience between men and women!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Taehyung says with a roll of his eyes, "Just admit that you're horny too."

You purse your lips into a thin line, "Ok, maybe that's true… But a researcher has to be interested in her work or she won't be invested!"

"No wonder you're such a great scientist then," Taehyung happily agrees, even as he flops over to bury his face in your chest and nip at the sensitive skin.

"Are you going to eat my pussy right this time, Tae?" you teasingly ask as you thread your hands through his hair and gently push his head between your legs.

He briefly pops up to flash a smile at you, "I think you mean our pussy."

"…"

"... ___...? What's wrong?"

"… Suddenly I don't want to do this research with you anymore."

"What? No, please!" Taehyung grabs at your wrist when you try to shove him away, "I didn't mean that!"

"Why couldn't it have been Dr. Bang in the machine with me…?" you lament.

"What?! I'm a way better collaborator, I swear."

You flop over to glare at him, "You're not getting third author on this publication."

"Of course not," he easily agrees, trying to appease you, "You definitely deserve to be third! Hell, you should be second! Take Dr. Bang's spot for all I care!"

You giggle at his words, "Good boy, Tae. I think you deserve me sucking your dick for that."

"You mean our—"

"Don't you fucking dare finish that sentence."

"Hello, ___? Why aren't you in lab?" Jihye asks in concern as soon as the phone connects.

"I'm taking the day off," you groan as you rub the sleep from your droopy eyes.

"What? No, ___, you need to get to campus immediately. The scanner has been fixed!"

"Wait, really?"

"Yes! We fixed it this morning. Hurry and come to lab so we can separate your nervous system from Taehyung's once and for all."

"…"

"Hello, are you still there?" Jihye asks, confused when she doesn't receive a reply.

"… oh shit, I think we're breaking up."

"What? The connection sounds fine to me. What are you—"

"Uh oh, this sucks. Bye!" And with that, you hang up the phone.

Your actions disturb the slumbering body in bed with you. Taehyung sleepily stretches his arms over his head with a loud yawn, "What was that about, baby?"

You simply shake your head, turning to allow him to spoon you closer to the warmth of his body, "Don't worry about it."

A/N: ... I apologize for this nonsense crack. 

[trippinglynet]

Bonfire of the Techies | Time Magazine, August 25, 1997

Originally published in Time magazine, August 25, 1997

Hordes of Playful Digerati Assemble for a Hallowed Annual Rite

On the last weekend in August, my two young daughters and I will pack our suburban minivan with 2 1/2 gal. of water per person per day and head off to northern Nevada. There, in thousands of square miles of pure desert nothingness, 20,000 cheering, dancing celebrants will circle a towering, two-legged wooden sculpture and burn it to the ground.

It happens every Labor Day. Burning Man, as the festival is known, is an annual outbreak of techno-tribalism that has the makings of the next great American holiday. If this year's party is like past ones, the immense desert flats will be teeming with offbeat stunts, weird art, flamboyant performances and bizarre, gasoline-powered contraptions. When we pulled up to Burning Man for the first time several years ago, we were greeted by a fat guy riding a large, furry rabbit motor scooter. He sat behind the ears. Across the desert we could see a truck hauling a mattress behind it, stirring up a huge, blinding vortex of dust. Three passengers in gas masks were reclining on the mattress, waving insanely.

It gets even stranger. Each year a do-it-yourself city appears overnight. On one makeshift street, a three-story tower of scaffolding grows like a high-tech mushroom; draped with a parachute, it becomes an instant cafe. At a table, generous folks with a spare gallon of blue body paint offer to turn you into an alien. Behind them, two guys have built a house out of old wooden doors hauled in on a yellow rental truck. Inside you hear hypnotic techno music. The house will be gone 48 hours later, as will the rest of the instant city.

This premillennial Woodstock got started 12 years ago when an unknown artist, Larry Harvey, built a wooden statue on a foggy beach near San Francisco and then set it on fire. For Harvey it was a catharsis to heal a broken relationship. For his friends it was a soul-energizing blast, and Harvey decided it should be an annual ritual. He cast a single brilliant rule: no spectators. What he wanted, he said, was to create "a Disneyland in reverse." Everyone had to be a participant and march in the electric-light parade.

In succeeding years, Harvey's wooden statue became a 40-ft.-high man; the flames leaped higher, and the crowd grew ever more animated and theatrical. The intensity eventually taxed even the beatnik- and hippie-hardened San Francisco police, who asked Harvey and his acolytes to move off the beach. The Zen of the desert beckoned.

Once on the public lands of northern Nevada, where the rules are few and the possibilities infinite, Burning Man blossomed into a full-fledged happening. By word of mouth, via friend of a friend, with photocopied flyers posted in music stores, Burning Man quietly gathered a tribe of hundreds each summer to partake in the meaningless but mesmerizing ritual. And there, in its seclusion, it might still be, if it weren't for cyberspace.

News spreads quickly and efficiently via E-mail, and when the digerati got wind of Burning Man, something clicked. The pierced and tattooed young Netizens of Silicon Valley and the Bay Area spend their workdays and worknights making little decentralized theaters of do-it-yourself creativity on the World Wide Web. Burning Man and its temporary city are material manifestations of the same creative urge. It was a perfect fit, a perfect way to celebrate a year of laboring on the Internet.

And so the Netizens flocked to the desert, where Burning Man's neo-tribal vibes were amplified with the technology of the digital revolution. They set up Burning Man Web pages and E-mail lists. They started two Burning Man radio stations, broadcasting live from ground zero in the desert. From a laptop they produced a daily Burning Man paper.

If you build it, they will come--and they have. The population of Burning Man doubles every year. Last year it was just shy of 10,000. Its cheery inventiveness pulls in mid-40-year-olds like me, who load up the family minivan and find a spot--any spot!--in the vastness to camp and cavort.

I would make the trek just to see the guy whose obsession is a jet engine the size of a truck muffler bolted to go-cart wheels; he sits in front of the glowing, screaming toy and zips across the alkali flats. It's nothing like piloting a computer. And there's the elaborate camera obscura some thoughtful person usually sets up, big enough to walk into and see the desert upside down. And this year, if my girls can be talked into it, we'll squish in the mud of nearby hot springs and wander around as dried-mud people, just like everyone else.

Burning Man almost did not rise from its last pile of ashes. Two of the key organizers quit last year after one young man died in the chaos and dust storm churned up by thousands of vehicles driving every which way on the roadless flats of Black Rock Desert. The karma of mayoring such a bohemian city was more than they bargained for. But Larry Harvey, a visionary in the classic sense of the word, is undaunted. "They told us it would fall apart at 1,000 people," he says. "Then at 5,000. But we could have a million people and still make it a positive, uplifting experience."

He may yet get his wish. The location is kept vague, and tickets (to pay for portable toilets and the like) are best found via the Web. By not advertising the event and making finding it a rite of initiation, Harvey gets his crowds and his harmony. By now, it's self-feeding, bigger than Harvey or anyone else. Its main draw seems to be its utter lack of meaning.

Anything lacking meaning will be assigned one. My bet is that Burning Man will be the holiday for deskbound, no-collar workers. Not only does it offer the usual American pastimes--fast cars, parades, costume balls, picnics and all-night music--but it also provides the more contemporary attractions of survival camping, neon lights, nudity, performance art and staged extravaganzas. It's got the sun-dried culture of postmodern road warriors: deep ritual without religion, community without commitment, art without history, technology without boundaries. As essayist Bruce Sterling writes in the only book about the event, Burning Man (HardWired; 1997), which I and others at Wired magazine had a hand in producing, "It's just big happy crowds of harmless arty people expressing themselves and breaking a few pointless shibboleths that only serve to ulcerate young people anyway. There ought to be Burning Men festivals held downtown once a year in every major city in America."

Why? It's hard to say, precisely. Even after a day spent visiting the various tribes at the event--the pyromaniac camp, the rave camp, the wind-surfers camp, the rainbow camp--and then standing before the terrible heat of the very big fire of the neon-lit man, the answer is not any easier to articulate. Harvey, in the sly coyote logic of a true desert mystic, puts it this way: "If we didn't burn it, we wouldn't be able to burn it again next year."

Kevin Kelly is executive editor of Wired magazine and the author of Out of Control: The Rise of Neo-Biological Civilization