#like bro your boss is dead just lemme do my thing

[lepusrufus]

Tfw you're walking past the same locked door for the 50th time in a row but you can't do anything about it because nobody has any thieves tools

[woomy-in-pain]

Hypmic First Impressions

Sorry I'm late to the party, I heard we were talking about rap and Idols so now I'm here to simp. Also, it's my first time about Hypmic so don't take seriously what my dumb ass is writing, I just clearly wrote the first thing which came in my no thoughts-head empty mind www

Ikebukuro Division: Buster Bros

I have no idea who they really are but I stan them cuz HHHH HETEROCHROMIA

Yamada Ichiro

He looooow-key looks like a shonen protagonist

He thinks he's cool and mature while the only things he does is being arrogant

Only has one braincell and everyone has enough of him god SHUT UP

But for some reason I still imagine him being a flirt and a low-key popular one

He reminded me at first of Ace Trappola from Twst and I have no idea why.

A dork. And he has two (2) ahoges so ofc he's twice dumber

I not so low-key wanna sit on his lap and call him sexy o///o

Yamada Jiro

No offense but I kinda want to punch his face-

Pretty popular among both girls and boys, he got a whole fanclub all around

He's the bitchy one that thinks he's better than anyone. Would let you take a selfie with him before telling you he's too good for you haha thank you next

But he still has some braincells so he knows when to stop

He's a jock who plays basketball or something, fight me on this

His hair looks rlly cool tbh

Yamada Saburo

*GAAAASP*

A BABY

HE CUTE

IDK PROTECC HIM ????

His hair looks all mofu mofu hhhhhhh

This apart, I honestly think he's an actual demon inside

Mock him for his cute baby face and he's already planning 7 different ways to murder you

Knows how to kick your ass and isn't afraid to show you how

Yokohama Division: Mad Trigger Crew

They kinda make me think to TRIGGER from iDOLISH7 and no, it's not because of the name.

Aohitsugi Samatoki

He's hot and I can feel a good part of the Fandom simping for him am I wrong

I understand why ngl

He looks ready to murder you with his dead stare

BUT !! Do not fear my child !!!

He has the ．☆．。．:*･°𝕚𝕕𝕚𝕠𝕥 𝕙𝕒𝕚𝕣°･*:．。．☆．

Sweet honey, there's even two of them ????

I'm sure he looks all intimadating cuz otherwise nobody would take him seriously

But is he a bigger dork than Ichiro ??? That is the question.

Aruma Juto

?????????????

Is that Lucifer and Sebastian's child ???

He iridiates mafioso vibes so much, I won't trust him with my life

He almost looks too strict for me to imagine him being in a rap battle

Didn't want to spoil myself but it seems that group has something to do with Yakuzas and shit

So now I'm nothing but w h e e z i n g about imagining Yakuzas settling accounts with rap battles

But it's also kinda hot too aight o///o

I'm sure that guy must secretly have some bdsm kink, idk I just feel it

Busujima Manson Rio

I don't know who you are but I'm already in love with you, just telling

Seriously ur so hot ughhhhh

I *do* get some Kentin vibes from My Candy Love and I'm totally gonna ignore that

He's a sweetheart <3

But he can still kick ur ass and burry you in ur shits.

Even if I ask him to bite me like he does with that medal, he won't do it cuz he's too pure and a good boi

Please protecc him

Shibuya Division: Fling Posse

It looks so colorful and pop, those guy will fight you with the power of moe and cute emojis before crushing you with their bare hands.

Amemura Ramuda

:o !!!

YOU'RE SO CUTE OMGGG

Seriously, I stan his aesthetics and his color scheme

He is Minaduki Rui's long lost twin, except he is the one who has inherited all the cute pop, colorful, cheerful genes

His smile can save the world, trust me on this one

I !!! Want !!! To !!! Caress !!! His !!! Hair !!!

He is a ball of sunshine

Surprisingly v smart ? Don't underestimate him or he'll beat you to death with the most beautiful smile ever <3

Yumeno Gentaro

Ohhhh it's the guy Saito Soma voices

He has a pretty face owo

When I look at his outfit, I absolutely can't imagine him rapping tbh

I'm sure he's actually a huge dramaqueen with an unique sense of beauty coming from the depths of space idk

He's not like the other girls so he chose a v old phone as his mic and he looks RAVISHING with it

Arisugawa Dice

He looks like some sort of gangsta

But like, a STYLISH gangsta

He makes the radio he's holding look so light when I know it would crush my shoulder :')

He's the cool one

He looks like the hot-blooded type who'd start fights as soon as you say he looks like shit

Lemme steal your coat sir-

His hair rlly looks soft… o///o but not as much as Ramuda's gomen

Shinjuku Division: Matenrō

I feel like this is the overly cheated group everyone looks up to and wants to beat up. Maybe some sort of veterans ???

Jinguji Jakurai

Those silky long hair !!!! :ooo

You look v fine sir

He has a mafia boss vibe

The type to always be quiet and deep in his thoughts. He's a mystery for everyone.

Have existential and philosophical questionings

"Why must this world be full of pain and suffuring ?" "I wish a world where everyone could be happy"… or something.

He honestly looks too soft for me to be evil, idk

Izanami Hifumi

Ohhhhhh

He's hot :o

I'm sure he's a womanizer tho

I mean, he's winking and holding a rose, if it isn't the weapons of a womanizer then I'm out

He's sooo flashy, he has fans at every corners

Might be super popular and a womanizer, he doesn't have any intentions of breaking your heart or being a douchebag cuz he's c l e a n

I really like him tbh and I want to burry my face in his hair

Kannonzaka Doppo

Is that Saeran Choi from another dimension ????

Excuse me sir, I think you should go see a therapist

He emanates so much anxiety and self-loath I can't help but feel the need to hug him and protect him

Poor guy must have a rough life, huh

I'm waiting for the day he'll snap and kill everyone

I feel like he would have some sort of sadomasochistic side ???

Nobody wants to be with him but the contrary works too

[lovleez]

oner 《恶浪》 mv/film theory

(this is less of a theory and more of a debunking of the mv though)

warnings: mentions of violence, murder (i wont include gifs of the bloody moments but it will be discussed!!!), animal abuse, and a bomb or two ? (someone gets blown up ;-;)

honestly the debunking might get a lil bit dark around the ling chao and ziyang individual parts, so be warned of that!

it would be helpful for you to watch/listen to these to process whats going on here:

oner 《恶浪》 mv (cw blood, murder, animal abuse, & heavy violence - please dont watch if these are triggers for you!!!) (there’s also eng subs in this link ^^)

oner - AGENT  (this is a song, but there’s quite a bit of dialogue near the end that ties into this plot!)  (cw gunshot, beeping noises that resemble a bomb ?? - all at the end of the song w/ the dialogue)

okay lets dive into it d(^-^)> !!!

to get the important info out of the way!

the start of the mv shows the three of them chilling on the couch, as friends do, watching,,well themselves on the screen (oner’s past performances as idols) (and i do believe that the idols part of this has some significance that i can figure out). the important takeaway from the beginning rlly is that they’re three good friends...who are completely unaware of each other’s secret occupations

their occupations being: ziyang, a murderer, yueyue, a spy, and ling chao, a hacker

now to jump into the main story! (starting around 1:35)

yueyue and ziyang both have the same target: the man in the restaurant. however yueyue gets there first and does his job well, as he gets away without being caught. ziyang is frustrated that his target is taken already.

*interesting detail here, but when trying to enter, ziyang shows them a ring with a purple jewel in the middle for entry,,,coincidentally, the man yueyue kills in the bar in his personal segment in the film later also has the same ring? obv the ring is for the restaurant entry so maybe ziyang wasn’t going to kill this “boss” but maybe negotiate/discuss something with him instead...but also thats disproven by the fact that ziyang pulled out a gun to presumably shoot him before realizing the dude was dead....

but also,,,suspicious how there was a zoom in to the purple ring when yueyue kills the man in the bar..maybe it means more than we think it does? altho im not too sure what  to think abt it for now

     for reference:

     ziyang’s ring                                    

     dead man in bar’s ring

.

moving on 

okay so since yueyue is a spy n all, he has to confirm his kill somewhere right? this somewhere is a phone booth,,,one that ling chao has rigged up with a bomb,,,,

speculation: someone hired ling chao to kill someone who will be approaching the phone booth; at this time, lc doesn’t know that this someone is yueyue (and is v shocked to see him there through his cameras as evident by his “what the hell! are you kidding me?”)

....and after this part the film dives into their personal stories to give more background on who  these three are (i’ll expand on those after i finish explaining the present timeline ^^) before coming back to the main story 

so!

ling chao “accidentally” blew up yueyue oh no (he’s still alive tho yey)

& then yueyue holds up a piece of candy,,,and immediately knows its ling chao (cuz its the piece of candy lc was eating earlier in the film) 

(and to take care of all loose ends that my brain is providing me with: in the beginning they didn’t know abt each other’s secret occupations...how does yueyue know that lc is capable of doing this? my answer: they used to be agent buddies!!! i’ll expand on this later hehe)

 .

and so

it was at this moment ling chao knew...he fucked up

he’s afraid yueyue might come after him.

which, is exactly what yueyue does

after going home or somewhere, yueyue receives a text telling him to get rid of “them” (ling chao) bc his “identity is exposed” 

....so now yueyue has to go and hunt down his buddy ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

and they fight! looks very painful for ling chao,,,poor dude,,,

since ziyang comes out from the back door to join the fight, theres two possibilities that come from this:

1) ling chao knew yueyue was coming and knew he couldnt take him down himself (lets be honest; he looks rlly scrawny) so he called ziyang to his location for backup (how could he know ziyang can fight? agent buddies 👐) 

2) ziyang and ling chao live together in the same house

anyways, both results making it obvious that ling chao and ziyang are on the same team while yueyue is on another (lets ignore the fact that ling chao was getting up to fight ziyang as well)

the fight scene is so dramatic oml T-T

ziyang could also be motivated to beat up yueyue in this fight cuz the dude did  take his target before he himself could (loophole: how did ziyang know it was yueyue who took his target? answer: maybe yueyue left like a signature or smthn at the crime scene, or ziyang saw him walk out  ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯ )

and when they all beat the living heck out of each other and are dramatically lying down in different areas of the room 

the tv turns on to a council saying “still want to be idols?”

(and remember, the thing they were watching on tv earlier was themselves performing,,,as idols. i cant connect it further than that so lemme know if yall figure smthn out ^-^)

so mayhaps this council is yueyue’s agency and they wanted to turn the trio against each other...? they would have set this whole situation up: they knew ziyang wanted to kill the restaurant “boss”, so they assigned yueyue to take care of him first, which creates conflict between those two. then, they hired ling chao to rig up a phone booth with a bomb; basically setting him up against yueyue

whether this council succeeds with their plan or not is unrevealed bc the film has a “to be continued” at the end, so the storyline still will have more to it!!!

although i would say the council succeeded since they all did beat each other bruised and bloody

.

that leaves the question: why  is the council setting them up against each other?

what are there previous connections beyond them just being friends 👀 ?

and here i shall bring back the “agent buddies” bit i was talking abt earlier, as well as why i linked the agent song in the beginning

near the end of the mv, there’s quite a lot of dialogue between the three of them, and it goes like this:

[robotic voice: welcome agent oner

ling chao (?): check 

yueyue: yo what up guys!

ziyang: yo what up bro

ziyang (yueyue?): alright lets take them out

yueyue: okay gentlemen we got a lot to do

ziyang: ey we gotta finish this quick, i got a date tonight

yueyue: really?

ziyang: no hard feelings (couldnt catch the rest)

yueyue: okay shut up

ling chao: hey guys, i saw a hit

(?): copy that

yueyue (ziyang?): hold your breath....now

ling chao: guys watch out

yueyue: okay guys locked and loaded

*single shot can be heard, then the reloading of a gun*

yueyue (?): go go go!

yueyue: fire fire fire!

yueyue: ???? *indistinguishable orders*

ziyang?: i got trouble i got trouble

yueyue: ?? i got ?? lets go

ling chao: stay together

ziyang (yueyue??): okay set to kill

ling chao: damn the truck is (blown?)

yueyue: what the hell

ziyang: okay let me (???) it

*bomb beeping noises*

yueyue: ???? clean this blood on my shirt]

(not sure how accurate my hearing is but its enough to make some guesses 😅)

agent buddies! the three of them used to be agents, as the song is titled, at some agency...and they probably made a pretty strong team together

the agency story would explain why they all seem to be good fighters too!

thats why the council might have wanted to tear them apart. perhaps the council was doing something that they knew would displease the trio, so they needed them separated lest they team up and try to defeat them 

i also think this audio could have been describing a mission going wrong for them, possibly their last one as a team. someone was probably hurt (im betting on either ziyang or ling chao), and they quit the agency and aimed to live normal lives from then on

...but old habits are hard to forget, so ziyang starts to kill ppl in his free time, yueyue joined another agency as a spy, and ling chao uses his hacking skills for other purposes

however they all dont tell each other, which could add on to the tension of their fight at the end of the film

.

now to dive into their individual bits of the film. these all don’t connect much to the main lore, just expands onto their lives with their secret occupations btw!

.

YUEYUE

his segment details moments in his daily agent life; im guessing he’s not very happy with it judging by his nightmares? or the nightmares are bringing up his past at his old agency which he does not like

he’s also master of disguise woah

personally i think he’s losing “who he is”. he’s always playing the role of another person, always putting on another disguise...so he starts losing his sense of identity (if that makes sense ;-;) 

(and if you wanna stretch it and make things wholesome, maybe the only times he [feels like himself] is when he’s around his two friends)

so basically: he’s always filling out other personas to the point where he doesnt know who he is anymore

(this is also the segment where he kills a man in the bar with poison,,,and the man was wearing the same ring as ziyang,,,,which is like Hm. why’d the directors do that 🤔)

.

ZIYANG

aka the murderer :D

(and not just regular serial killer type, more like joker-esque type where they’re a bit insane,,,)

okay his segment starts of with him dragging a man through a white room, where the floors is covered with plastic, and on the walls are a bunch of clay molds of human body parts

:D

my brain has concluded that! ziyang takes clay and makes molds of his victim’s faces/body parts of who he kills! to make statues! 

(i dont even know how i got there aksjdhdh but thats just what i assumed the first time i watched this film thingy)

and to make it more messed up than it already sounds,,,im guessing he’s a famous statue maker too, and holds shows where he presents his works to the public and maybe even bids them off ?

     ,,,,little did the audience know,,,,

          (this kinda remind me of sally and gabe’s statue from the pjo too now aksjhdkdh)

(i got this assumption from 6:50 in the film where he walks out in front of an audience who start clapping,,,and let my brain run wild with the rest,,,)

of course, he probably kills off the people he was the molding the clay off of once he’s done with his works,,,or sometimes even in the middle of his works as shown in the mv (*-* )

but alas that is not all to his story,,,

judging by his flashbacks when he’s beating that one dude to death with a bat, he used to be bullied when he was in school, which seems to be the source of all his anger throughout the film..

    ( yeah he killed the bullies too (_ _ )> )

its part of his personality to be rough and short tempered - he doesn’t like people looking down on him (as the bullies did)

and,,,if you want to be wholesome again! perhaps he found some bits of happiness and peace when hanging out with the others :]

.

LING CHAO

cw: animals abuse!!! 

his is pretty simple and is already explained in the mv itself! i’ll walk ya’ll through it though in case you didn’t watch the film tho akdjdjkf

basically: he’s just a dude who loves dogs :]

a lot

in his segment, a girl (handong, looking absolutely stunning ToT) approaches him wanting to take home another stray, and when he asks her where how the previous dog she adopted was doing, she says that “my bestie loved him a lot, so i gave him to her” ( -_- )

so...he lets her keep the dog, but also decides to keep an eye on her...to the point where she becomes very paranoid that someone is stalking her (which..she isnt wrong in)(but she doesn’t believe it to be ling chao because they’re..dating? i think? and he lulls her into a false sense of security that he’ll protect her from harm)

and then bam! one day he breaks into her house, steals the dog away, and then,,,,blows her up,,,,,

(i must say as disturbing this scene is,,,,i absolutely adore ling chao’s look here askjdjfd)

(i mean?? look at him?? loving the black lipstick ugh)

(v pale tho ;-;)

okay anyways the next flashbacks reveal that handong was abusing her dogs & starving them, and him being the animal lover he is, decides to kill her for it ig

(also she,,,stabbed the other dog that she “gave to her bestie” so-)

yeahh thats the end of his story; nothing much to take from it except that his hacker skills are still intact past agent days 

.

.

.

annnd thats a wrap folks! nothing else to expand on; i’ll definitely make another part to expand on this if they decide to release another mini film in the future tho :]

[mikkock]

Hey hi your murder mystery art is super totally cool and amazing and I'd like to Extra! Extra! hear all about it *rattles bells*

haha wow i cant believe ud ask me THIS! unbelievable! now im gonna have to make a long post!

all info under the cut cause im kind like that ♥

For reasons I felt like making a Fancy Ass murder mystery story, with you know, hella complex secret storylines and everyone having drama and shit, and one person died but the more the story goes the less people care about who did the murder and the more they want tHE JUICY DETAILs. X and Y had an afFAIR you say!!! well that’s thousands time more interesting than that murder that happened, who cares about the culprit its not like any of us are going anywhere anyway! tell me more about the marital issues!

The ultimate Vibes are Clue (the game, ya kno, it had a movie too, and that movie was shot with three different endings -fun fact- so that movie theatres could play one alternatively that way people wouldnt get spoiled or even if they did they would not get the ending they were spoiled or even if all three were spoiled you couldnt know which ending you were getting anyway, big dick move, cause its an old movie and film is expensive, also that movie stupid and campy, ALSO I ONLY LEARNED MAKING THIS AU THAT IN ENGLISH THE GAME’S CALLED “CLUE” wE CALL IT CLUEDO therefore my wip playlist is called cluedo. because. fuck it.)(i just have an emotional attachment to that game i even had a cd rom video game version and it was the spookiest shit for a 6 years old, trust me, i played it so much tho i didnt even understand the rULES i was just making scenarios like gathering the characters in rooms n making conversations outloud cause honestly the banter is the best part of a murder mystery) ANYWAY that sure is a whole paragraph of tangent. 

BUT YE the inspo from the Clue game. you can tell it from the Colours obviously, everyone’s colour codded.(even everyone’s name is colours as well you’ll see it’s real dang fancy! im just remaking that game but with 2932020 characters and more behind the scenes drama and also for gay people.)

So BASIC PLOT!

Sir Belyy, the dude in white, is The Rich Powerful Respected Fancy Boss, and he throws a Fancy Reception Party with his closest friends and associates to celebrate the opening of a new branch of his business. All the lads gather in his wonderful little very isolated mansion in the middle of nowhere, like ok he got a death wish or something or he’s very trusting of his business partners, but not a good move, cause in the middle of the reception, as A Phat Storm Starts (for plot convenience, we going with a campy vibe if you couldnt tell), his body is found, it’s awful, there’s a killer on the loose! All the guests gather, and attempt to maybe contact the authorities, to not avail, since The Storm ya know, phone lines are Broken my dude. Its clear that the culprit is among them, since no one could have entered the house, or left it (cuz once again, ThE sTORm). And then it’s all about interrogating each other, distrust, alliances and betrayal, revealing one’s deepest secrets when they form an alibi and revealing someone else’s deepest secret for they could be a motive! Meanwhile there’s a dead body in the mansion just chillin there. 

.

So as I mentioned, I changed everyone’s name to be colour related (or ya know, food or flowers of that colour cause sometimes a colour in a language would not work as a name given the way names work in that culture all that jazz) which is the trippiest thing cause tHATS NOT YALLS USUAL NAMES but its fun (also changed so many ages hgfhs it was a trip)(still no one’s really old i guess i got boomerphobia). The “Cast” is clearly the most important part, and if ur a True “My OCs” Connaisseur (hdfghd the most useful skill to have, knowing *MY* Charactersdshgd) you may have recognised some faces and can already read some vibes and predict who will be progressing the plot and who will be yelling at people throwing accusations ghdfgd.

(god i wish i hadnt slacked off making the portraits of everyone in that AU i only have 3 tho that’s so sad so ill just make little sketches just cause <3 only text??? i got too many hoes with no attention span for that)

.

Sir BELYY (the one who dIEs lmao)

(bust shot missing the fact that this man is the tallest beefiest lad around)

Intimidating, powerful, composed, wealthy, carries the name of a family who has generations of control to it’s reputation, he’s The Man that hoes who believe in the economy wishes they were. As in, the “self made” man who only just happened to benefit from having a wealthy background to uplift his plans. In his youth, he wanted to prove his worth, seperated himself from his father, started a business, that business became big, then got attached to the family’s business, bam back to square one but with Reputation now. There seemed to be VERY big tension between him and The Father, some speculate it had to do with his unknown mother, and some family drama there, and it never got resolved as old man Belyy died quite young (the jUICY speculations are that current sir Belyy mURDEREd old man sir Belyy, fucked up if true!). People love him though in general, as he has that reputation of “Cold Lad With a Gold Heart” aka he takes people under his wings, donates, doesnt treat his employees like the absolute worst garbage etc... you know, he’s rich and a half decent person, so obviously he’s an angel on earth. But does it matter though, he’s dead! that’s the concept of the story!  

Mr.GRAY (the grey guest)(who could have guessed from the name)

He’s one of Sir Belyy’s oldest employees, and benefits from a high rank in the company. But, sadly for him, he’s been stagnating lately, as newer, youngest employees seem to have Belyy’s favours, and are his prefered associates for important tasks and positions. Therefore he has Some Bitterness, Some Salt, Some Distaste, some unbriddled but professionally muted hatred for Specific people in the company. He can be an antagonistic figure, but the amount of time he spent in Belyy’s circle grants him an immense quantity of information about the man, but mostly, about his business. Anything about the company’s history, dealings, operations, he’s aware of, either having been told of them, or having snooped around to obtain, immune to being questioned due to his legitimacy in the company.

Mr.LIM (the green guest)

Remember when it was said that Gray had beef with some employees cause they were younger and rose to high ranks faster than him and became Belyy’s favourite over him? Yeah well here comes the one he hates the most for that (ofc he’s belyys fave cuz he’s Mine <3) Our lad caught Belyy’s attention for his Exploits in like, em fancy high school tournaments of smart people, it’s a thing its ridiculous, making kids compete on Smart stuff for the pride of their schools n shit, well homie Lim got clout when doing that, and Belyy was extremely interested cause that kid’s main thing was how “this young lad got mad strategic skills tf are u a war general or smth how fancy”, and that’s a coveted skill for ruthless business. So as soon as the kid is an adult, bam, join the company my dude. And because he’s just that Cool n Sexy ofc he met the expectations Belyy had, and old man Belyy got attached cuz it do be such a young lad, a kid, mentally i am adopting. That’s how you get a youngas employee becoming the right hand man of one the phatest CEO in a few years, and even make your way into being a Good Lad on top of a business partner. And that’s how you get Gray to hate your ass too. Now though, fine lad with mad strategic skills, rising to power that fast, and even infiltrating Belyy’s private life? If I were Gray I’d call suspicion there’s surely some shady stuff going no way we’re just dealing with a nice fella who just happens to work good and be friendly to the boss right?

Herra MUSTA (the black “guest”)

Belyy’s newest butler, assistant, house keeper, he multitasks. His family has been tied to Belyy’s for generations, fullfilling roles of help, but also of confidents. He’s been the head butler since only a short time, after his mother passed, and as such is still “in training” you could say, despite having served the family his whole life. There are rumours going around that the contract tying his family to the Belyys may end on his generation and need to be resigned. He known the manor by heart, and carries all keys to any locked room (and mostly, The Master Key, cause in an old house, some doors may be locked beyond all still existing keys). He also knows secrets of the family that no one else knows, but good luck getting em out of him, he’s under contract not to divulge em bro.

Mr. HASSEL (the brown guest)

Belyy’s childhood friend. They grew up together, pictured their dreams together, sworn to flourish together, worked together when starting the company, and then Hassel felt he should create his own thing instead of depending on his friend’s existing wealth, and while Belyy’s business went wild, his never took off. They still stayed very close, despite the massive difference in wealth. Belyy considers him his closest friend, the one person he can trust (fucked if hassel did the murder lemme tell u). So of course, he’s still always invited to the Prestigious meet ups where’s he’s free to feel uncomfortably out of place amongst all the rich and powerful people that he could have been a part of had he had a tiny bit of luck and a small loan from a wealthy relative...People LOVE saying he’s still hanging out with Belyy so much to leech off his wealth, cause of course they do! His bestie status means he has a whole different brand of information of Belyy than his butler does, the Most Intimate Stuff, the Childhood Stuff. The Juicy stuff ya kno...But Bro Code, its all secrets...

Sir RUZH (the red “guest”)

Deep dive into Belyy’s personnal history, the man has many employees working at his house keeping it working, clean, ya know the vibe. They live on the premice, one has a kid who’s just a Joy to be around, all the employees just vibe with that lad, he’s just a born socialite you know? Belyy gets to meet the kid, and also hella vibes with him. And because human are influenced by their feelings, he gives the kid’s mum a bit of a preferencial treatment, in the tasks she fullfils and all, til he gives her an important-as mission, and then there’s an accident n mama dies, and now Belyy got guilt and there’s this kid who just Vibes. So naturally the move is to take the kid in, and play on how his vibes are just so clean, and raise him to be the Perfect Entertainer for guests, bam, its soft power propaganda, if everyone loves your now son’s vibes, they associate them with you too. And also that’s kind of a clean rep, the selfless man who adopted his employee’s son to not have him fall to the streets, how heartwarming. Not at all traumatising for the kid too I bet! But anyway now the lad is just the most charming young adult, mission accomplished. He’s always present at any reception, ready to work his people-pleasing magic, and then going back to a gigantic empty manor to wait for the next and curate the perfect vibes to meet the expectations of dad. On the plus side, he knows everyone, and those who don’t know him cannot wAIT to, he’s just got that aura ya know. People skills for miles, and the insider knowledge that comes with being the son of the CEO, all this hidden behind the personna of the fresh innocent bashful party lad. 

Dr.FEN (the pink guest)

Do not get mistaken by the title, he’s no doc, he will not diagnose you with anything, he just studied long enough to get the sexy title. Study in what? Haha. Nothing shady. Just toxicology. He’s a world reknown poison expert basically, that’s his main thing. Oh but don’t worry, of course studying substances that may kill people is only for finding out how to cure them from it of course. What brings him in this circle? Simple, Belyy may or may not have started to suffer some weird illness that no doctor has been able to find the source, let alone cure, of. Him and Dr.Fen had met previously on some event, cause some rich man also love flexing how smart they are and attending sciencey shit, and he was contacted as sort of a shot in the dark. The lad does know how to treat some things, maybe he can treat The Mysterious Unwellness, since no traditional doctor was able to. He knows science, he’s trustworthy, bam, you’re hired to work on My Case Exclusively. Thanks to this, Dr.Fen has access to the whole health history of Belyy and his family, to many mANY dangerous substances, and also has The Respect of the hoes at the party. He HAS a doctorate after all. Epitome of knowledge. And he’s a kind to people and he wears pink like dang how can you nOT pour your wHOLE trust in him. 

Sir MOREVITCH (the blue guest)

Youngest son of an affluent family, who used to be close the the Belyys. The two families fell slightly appart after the death of the previous head of the family on the Belyy side, as they do nOT vibe with the current one (well current, til the first night of the story ig). But, unbeknownst to all, one strong link had been kept, between the youngest of the Morevitch, who dislikes his family and wishes to emancipate himself from them while also assuring his depart will not throw him basically in the streets, and our beloved Sir Belyy, who also dislikes the Morevitches but loves to see the rebellious energy of the young one (and ya know, my enemy’s enemy’s my friend or however you say that). So Belyy’s basically offering tips and helping Morevitch plant himself safely out of his family’s grasp, but it’s all taking quite some time isn’t it, slow and steady is fine until your parents try to arrange a wedding to secure more political power, and suddenly it is all quite urgent that you escape that situation because No Thank You Parents I Do Not Want A Wife I’m Too Young And Also Huh <3 Stuff You Won’t Like Hearing For Sure <3. The people who know they’re working together also know that it’s a big point of argument between them, the difference in vision between “you have to go slow and steady to be safe” and “I have very limited time to get to that safety anyway so I gotta risk it” “hell no you cant i can’t follow through if we’re going that quick that’ll put me at risk and you’re family’s gonna send gunmen to take me down”. A mess, it’d be much quicker to just obtain a few million bucks out of nowhere and bolt for sure...

Mr.GANG (the orange guest)

Morevitch’s trusted assistant. He hears the concerns, he helps the secret businesses, he lies to the parents about the whereabouts, and mostly, he’s basically a budget spy. The lad got that talent where people just don’t notice him popping behind them and catching all their dirty laundry as they confess it to someone they trust, and he always manages to break into places, get the intel he was looking for, and escape, putting everything back into place as if no one was ever there (wonder where he got all those skills from damn!). But what he’s even better at is being sneaky not only to benefit his boss, but himself as well <3. If he can catch all the info in the world, go any places, nothing’s stopping him from playing double agent and also going behind Morevitch’s back. After all the assistant life isn’t the most glamourous and rewarding, who can blame him from going and using his talents to build his own little exit route, right? Everybody sort of knows he cannot be trusted, but also no one managed to really incriminate or stop him, and as much as he has tea on many people, no has it on him, but bet once found that would be heeeella juicy.

M.MOUTARDE (the yellow guest)(this one is straight up the name of the yellow player in the french edition of clue too when i say its my main vibe)

Moutarde was an influential celebrity. He had a big break acting in a movie that the whole country stanned so hard they basically turned the script into their national anthem (they would have if it was a true democracy where the people really decide), he was so handsome and elegant, everyone’s dream husband. And then the fame fiddled out because it’s how fame is, one moment you’re the sexiest dish on the table and the next someone brings in dessert and baam, its all about that fresh cake, and no one pays any mind to your delightful aroma anymore, you’ve gone cold, they had a bite, their interest is somewhere else. Belyy really admires his work though, and mostly finds his image fits with the brand of his company, therefore the two are working on a collaboration to make Moutarde a representative. This WOULD boost Moutarde’s reputation, for his ads would be displayed on every imaginable surface of the country, and it would also benefit the company cause being represented by thAT sexy motherfucker? clearly that’s a deal. The freshness of the partnership means Moutarde is a newcomer in the guests, a fresh face, with no reputation, no relationships, no unfair biases against him. He’s just the new handsome charismatic lad with a squeaky clean image. Emphasis on “image”. After all, no one really knows anything of his background, right?

Kun.LAWENDER (the purple guest)

Private investigator, very useful to be around at a party it’s almost like it was expected there’d be a body to investigate, he’s a very close associate of Belyy, as there’s nothing more important to business than investigating the rivals and finding dirt on them to make them fall through infamy. He’s not exactly the PI who goes look for justice to be served, he’s just here for cash bro. He’s got intel on everyone, and will only let it out if offered the right thing in return (money, or sometimes other pieces of very secret intel, trade is good). Wouldn’t advise letting him and Gang team up tbh but they probably wouldnt, as Lawender is really more of a lone wolf player, going on his own for himself. The one thing that negates his usefulness as a PI on an accidental crime of scene is that even if he knew the whole truth of the event he would not spit it out unless he benefitted from saying it. He sure is a polarising lad, but at the same time, an untouchable one, he’s too knowledgeable to be taken down. Rather than sneaky, he’s extremely observant, noticing the tiniest details and engraving them in his memory, ready to be linked up to other details to deduct the big picture. He’s the upfront tea gathered basically (as opposed to Gang’s shadow tea gathering if you will, they are similar forces but using opposite methods)(also one of em got a licence n the other does not hAH).

~~~~

Now the secrets, all of em have them. One of em at least got the secret of having KILLED Belyy that’s that. But that’s to be kept for later (for if i ever use this story for more than daydream material gfhjgh) bet you can imagine what some of em may be just out of Knowing what i do, from having seen the characters in other contexts, or just because you’re a genius and reading the character profiles immediatly lit up the bulbs in your head forming the perfect theory, props to you, mad genius.

Honestly my thoughts are just how lit of a game that would be, you get to pick one hoe (maybe sum are locked til u find their secrets for juicy purposes) and you do your invetigation using your character’s perks and disadvantages, and maybe there could even be Multiple scenarios and outcomes, to spice it up, give replay value, i just think it’d be a game id spend hours on. tryin to get the spicy details of everyone’s life. walking around n digging through a rich man’s stuff, witnessing the drAMA of people fighting cause they’re locked in with a murderer and that’s stressful ngl. That or a long ass show @ netflix wanna give me a show maybe? give me hella budget we’re making it animated cause im too cultured for live action. 

whatever i make of it though, i hope i can make this story Flourish, just so that i can lay down all those secret backstories i’ve written. i want the satisfaction of throwing out the craziest secret drama between character n seeing peeps loose their minds, it just is a tasty experience.

also i gotta say, i plug the hell out of Clue for an inspo but when i was building the basics of the story my mind immediatly went “oH MY GOD THE VIBES,, THE BACKSTABBING AND tEAMING UP and all,,, its The Genius, that one tv show where peeps have to do the wildest games that require strategy n they’re in that fancy set that looks like a rich ppl mansion oh god the vibes” so yeah, i rewatched the whole first two seasons cause they’re my faves and that had an impact if only minimal in the aesthetic.

Anyway hope that quick presentation gave you a lil taste of the story, and maybe,,,, got you curious,,, craving to learn more like you never did before (im exaggerating the only real question we all got is just “so who’s fuckin with whom then how many of yall secretly dating” this the real deal)

[secret-engima]

Hey, all your stories have inspired me to try the ffxv game and i haven't played the other games are there any tricks to it?

Hmmmmm You don’t need to play the other FF games to get into FFXV? So there’s that. Get the Royal Edition, PLEASE, it has all the extra DLC barring Ardyn’s and an extra map to explore plus quests.

For tips/tricks lemme think-

Overlevel. Side-Quests are your friend, Hunts are your friend. Until you get comfortable with the various combat systems and strategies having a higher level is Great. Even after you get comfortable having a higher level is Great.

Collect everything. If you see a shiny blue spark on the ground, go over and collect it. Be careful what you sell. There are guides on what is safe to sell or not but as a shortcut tip DO NOT sell Rusty Bit, Glass Gemstone, and if you somehow get a Sturdy Helixhorn while taking Hunts for the love of the Astrals DON’T SELL IT. Those three ingredients are what you need to upgrade your Engine Blade, which brings me to my next tip-

Talk to Cid after you’re in the open world (so ... post Noctis learning of Insomnia’s fall and the cutscenes/short quests associated with that). I forget when you’re free to go talk to him (probably after the set of Cor quests? I think? Been a while.) but just- try as soon as possible and keep trying. He has these nifty quests where he will upgrade certain kinds of gear, including your Engine Blade. If you upgrade the Engine Blade three times (Rusty Bit for the first one, Glass Gemstone for the second, Sturdy Helixhorn for the last) it will turn into the Ultima Blade, which is easily the highest powered blade in the game for like- 99% of the game. I’ve been in post-game for a LONG while now hunting down the really hard post-game dungeons and I still use that thing. It’s a relatively easy set of quests to get the highest level blade in the game and you can do it REALLY EARLY on in the game.

Wait System is Your Friend In Specific Instances. So- there are two kinds of combat mode in the game, Real Time and Wait System. I usually don’t bother with Wait System because I prefer Real Time BUT when hunting for specific monster parts (like the Sturdy Helixhorn), if you pause in combat and go down to ... i forget what it’s called but the came will show you in the tutorial, there’s a spot where you can swap to Wait System. That essentially pauses the game while you’re holding still (on a timer though so don’t dally too long) so that you can look around and lock onto desired monster parts. If you want the horn- lock onto and repeatedly warp attack the horn until it breaks. Repeat for any other part you particularly want on a given monster. I only do that with Hunts when I need a specific part though so (shrugs).

Take your time. You are in no rush, exploring and overleveling are your friends, and really except for specific quests, nothing is timed. Just enjoy the game and get comfortable with the systems before trying to tackle the late game/Altissia/post-Altissia content. There. Is. No. Rush. Stockpile potions and elixirs, enjoy the scenery, go catch some funny colored frogs. Saving the world will wait for you.

I’m sure everyone has a different opinion, but for me, I like to upgrade the Exploration branches of the Ascension menu (basically your skill tree, it has sub categories for upgrading magic, upgrading health, upgrading/unlocking your companion’s special attacks, etc) There are ones that will allow things like Gladio picking up extra items while hiking as well as gaining EXP and Ascension points (skill points) just by driving the car around and another for riding chocobos. I’d recommend getting the car and chocobo = ascension points ones first before moving on to snag whatever boosts or abilities you want because that way you can just- earn skill points by doing whatever on the open world map.

Pay attention to the exp bonus rates of various hotels. You only “level up” when you Rest at either a Haven or a hotel or caravan. Haven’s have the bonus of Ignis cooking meals (pay attention to the buffs offered, and if you see a chibi figure of one of the chocobros next to a recipe that means they like it and will get a passive exp boost for eating it), but hotels and caravans will boost how much exp you get per Rest. The best one early-ish in the game is Lestallum’s, which doubles your points when you Rest there (so if you go in with 100 points, it will tally 200 points instead etc etc). The Best one is the hotel in Altissia but that’s later game and also much more expensive.

Do the Dead-Eye quest as soon as you think you’re leveled up enough for it, because it unlocks Chocobos and those are priceless for running around the map in places the car can’t go (make sure to have a few flasks of Fire Elemency in your inventory, because there are red barrels in his lair and it is satisfying to set him on fire).

Elemancy is your friend (as long as you throw from far enough away, because your own bombs WILL hurt you if you throw too close). It took me forever to get the hang of Elemency and I still prefer using blades BUT it’s a fun system to play with. If you combine raw elements like Fire with an ingredient from your inventory (say, a banknote or silver coin) you can get additional effects like boosted exp, slowing the enemy down, poisoning them, even instant death (though that one is ... iffy).

Pay attention to the numbers that come out of monsters when you fight them. Purple means that whatever you’re using isn't effective. Gold means it’s super effective, white is normal. If you’re getting purple numbers, try swapping to another type of weapon like spear, dagger, great sword, or pistol. If you watch close enough, you can spot if one of the other chocobros is using a super effective weapon and as Noctis you get to use all of them, so just swap to that.

Don’t Fast Travel unless you have to. Filling up the gas tank on the car and running everywhere on chocobo may be boring sometimes but if you get the exp and skill point bonuses for doing those things, it will be worth it. But if you fast travel you don’t get those skill points.

There’s an mp3 player thing you can buy in the car store menus under key items, it will let you play music from other games while you drive/ride/walk. You can buy the soundtracks from various stores and gas stations throughout lucis so make sure to check for those when you stop.

Do the Cindy quest chain. The sooner you successfully complete it, the sooner you get a car with an unlimited gas tank, so no more worrying about having to spend gil refilling the tank while earning ascension points. Also the fully upgraded car can fly, but I don’t recommend it because landing is hard and one mistake will murder your entire party. Also if Cindy sends you into a dungeon to get a part, look it up ahead of time on the internet, because chances are you don’t have to go too far into the dungeon to find it, but if you do, it’s probably a scary high-level dungeon so good luck.

Prompto is a Gem. I mean that. He is one of my primary tactics in the game other than be Warptastic with Noctis. He is also a Glass Cannon so if you get/buy decent health and defense items I recommend giving the best ones to him (there are ascension slots that can unlock more accessory slots for specific characters, I recommend upgrading Prompto’s and Noctis’s first). The longer you can keep him alive in a fight, the more times you can use his Piercer ability. It’s his basic special attack, but it doesn’t take long to recharge and you can use it to break an enemy’s defense VERY often if you level it up all the way (just spam it, more use = higher level special attack). I still use it post game because it’s short and fast and relatively powerful. But that’s just me.

Try to keep everyone alive. If you don’t have phoenix downs to spare obviously you CAN just let them lie there until the fight is over, but if you do that then the “dead” member won’t get exp for the fight. This is bad because you need all the bros to be at their best to survive the whole game. Try to keep an eye on all health bars and if you can’t get over there to manually revive them, there are ascension skills that let them use health kits on themselves or you can just go into the potion menu and order them to use one on themselves before they get too bad off health wise.

If you think you are overleveled enough to handle the boss fights in Gralea. You Are Not™. Either don’t go to Altissia until you are higher leveled than you currently are or when you go to Altissia, take advantage of Umbra’s new time-travel ability and go BACK to Lucis to level some more. I recommend being like- at least level forty-five, PREFERABLY FIFTY+, before going to Altissia but that’s just me. Check the “recommended level” of each quest before doing them and decide if you want to tackle it. They are fully beatable if you are at the recommended level or even a little under but personally I saved a lot of potions and elixirs and tears of frustration by just- making a point to be 5-10 levels higher than the recommended at minimum.

Strategy Guides on the internet are your friend. I suck at explaining my strategies, and other people have actual numbers to crunch to prove their methods. If all else fails, there is no shame in looking up how to handle a boss fight on youtube or ign or whatever.

That’s ... all I can think of atm though I could ramble on for ages on different tactics and things I find useful. Hope this helps!

P.S. be polite to people in the dialogue options. You will be rewarded with exp and skill points for Not Being a Jerk and in one case in Altissia a conversation can literally decide if your game kicks into Hard Mode or not. So Be Nice. For Your Own Sake.

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 6X8 All Dogs go to Heaven

I feel like I've heard of this episode and at the same time I have no idea what's gonna happen

les go

whelp yes someone is dead

aw he's actually in the episodes now that's good

QUID

yep ok hostage wheee

"would sell your brother for a soda" neat, i like that

so '09

the lil pop out is great

are they gonna explain what's been happening with the monsters?

Sam needs No Time to adjust, Dean needs a lot

cuz...soul

HE's SUCh a BITCH IT'S HILARIOUS

wow I see the not lived in, I really do

damn they sure found him quick

brothers and problems, brothers and problems

G A H NO COME ON PLEASE

"no we make sure"

dAMN DEAN HAS TO HAVE THE BRAINCELLS IT'S HILARIOUS

that's a LOT of alcohol

increased metabolism maybe . ?

DOGGY

OH FUCK

well that's fun

why turn back into dog tho

he wants the guy's wife, huh?

it's just. .. always this

just S H O V E HER IN THE TRUNK

SAM WHAT THE FUCK

bro I am terrified for this fucking kid

stupid incel dog man

"I'm afraid not" SAM

"half an hour of sleep" MAAM PLS GO TO SLEEP

thank god for dean

I'm jUsT gOnNA WaTch HeR sure

Sam you're a creepy motherfucker

hey man have you considered calling for backup or...

ah yes the sense of smell

got hit by car whoops

huh ok then

wait this one reads slightly appropriative lemme google

AH RIGHT THE THING YOU'RE LITERALLY NOT SUPPOSED TO MENTION

S A M

is iT aKinKy thiNG SAM

great so Sam's bad(deranged) cop

yep recruitment again

sleeper cell?

hmmm

pAcK

i see it now

ok the refusing to stop innocents is GOOD! groWTH!

"stop pretending" stuff to unpack there, I'm sure

doesn't get love

"I'd double cross us" *Dean Glares*

big boss huh

ah shit they've got the girl

"take it anyway" HIS FACE OH MY GOD

it's like struggling with your fucking conscience

the long time it took the boss to fall was AWESOME

SNIPER DEAN

ah whoops the doggos

man this guy has to be TERRIFIED of dogs at this point

THE FUCKING GUN GOT STUCK

ah yes backup gun

nooo lucky

good, he ran

oh that poor woman

HE'S NOT DEAD

boy it sounds bad but i do also really feel sorry for him

they ARE framing him to be in the right here, which is BAD

there's something to be said that homeless people are a lot more vilified than dogs(or at least, I think that's their point) but also Creepy

THE MATTER OF FACT HONESTY IS KINDA FUNNY TBH

"I don't give a shit about you" "sam is there a point to this"

It'S SUPPOSED TO BE HARDER TO BE HUMAN

ok notes:

1. I think the uh...being taken in, being shown kindness, and it FELT like it was trying to make commentary about how bad it is for homeless people and how we like dogs more? I think? it got really jumbled because the guy was HELLA creepy but still portrayed as being in the right, and this is the only thing I got as far as that

2. The soulless Sam "it's harder to be human, but there's value in that" is honestly really interesting, and it sucks it's not really talked about like ever

3. As annoying as I've been finding the characters, the fact that Dean has switched to begrudging moral compass and Sam to Not Caring feels very specific, like a complete excess of who they are(only thing coming into my head is the prison episode where Sam's gun ho and Dean isn't). The little bit of "cares too much" and "cares too little" taken to extreme seems to be what they're going for, and it's a good concept, if not execution

4. vibe things I like: sniper dean, and that execution scene. VERY Cool.

5. I like that Crowley gets to actually be present now

[boystownbirdie]

LMWTV4U: GOT S7E2

It’s time for another installment of let me watch TV for you (LMWTV4U) where I watch TV shows so you don’t have to! Today I’ll be re-capping the latest ep of Game of Thrones, Season 7.

As always, spoiler alert! Also, reminder that I have a new feature called WHY DOES THIS SCENE EVEN MATTER or (WDTSEM?) to help us decipher those random scenes that seemingly serve no purpose. SO MUCH HAPPENED TONIGHT SO LET’S GO!!!!!

We start at Dragonstone where Khaleesi and co are still strategizin’

Khaleesi’s pals are trying to get her to attack QPC ASAP but she’s not really havin’ it. She proceeds to rip Sleevey a new a-hole for his lack of loyalty. If you’ll recall Sleevey is a schemer and is the one who basically brought together all of Khaleesi’s current crew but also was the one who sent assassins to kill Khaleesi back in season 1. She’s like will you be loyal 2 me? And he’s like sure...until I’m not anymore. And then you can kill me. And she’s like kewl good plan also will you lemme know if I’m doing a bad job as Kween and he’s like yep, sure.

Next, the red witch lady (who Bae sent away at the end of Season 6 because she burned alive this sweet bb gurl but also who brought him back from the dead) shows up on Khaleesi’s doorstep. Khaleesi is like hey what up I also speak the fanciest language and your religion is #trending back home and helping to keep people calm so… thanks. And the witch lady is like great, also FYI Bae is pretty fine and just got named “King of the North” thought you should know. Tyrion, who is like basically vice president, is like ya I remember Bae he was a kewl kid we met in Season 1. Obvi Khaleesi doesn’t know that Bae is her nephew yet but she’s like, well let’s invite him to hang out here but he’s got to #bowdownbitches to moi.

Later in the ep, we pop back by Dragonstone and Khaleesi is meeting with her peeps in the map room. Previously-traumatized Theon’s (PTT’s) sister is like we should launch our armies and dragons on Queen Pixie Cut (QPC) like right now please because she’s a shady bitch. And then the Sand Queen (she’s the one whose daughters are called the “Sand Snakes” and who stabbed her brother in law and took over down South last season) is like BTW I hate the Lannisters and my hubby got his head squeezed to death 2 seasons ago when he was defending YOUR honor, Tyrion and I’m not over it. And also Queen Makeunder’s (who got ‘sploded last season) grandma is there and she is like I miss my granddaughter and also you shouldn’t worry about burning up innocent people with dragons because QPC did it and now look at her!

Khaleesi is like I #respectmyelders but also, naw dawg. She decides PTT’s sis and Sand Queen will head down south and round up all of their troops together then they’ll attack QPC slowly because she can’t bring her Dothraki dudes and Unsullied troops over there it would be CHAOS. She does decide to send the unsullied troops to Tyrion’s hometown, Casterly Rock, to take that place over. Everyone is pretty on board with this plan except for Grandma so Khaleesi’s like DM- me, k? Khaleesi and grandma sit down and gma is like you should not trust Tyrion, this plan is dumb. Also, you ARE a dragon. And Khaleesi is like thnx for the inspo but.... I don’t wanna burn everyone up. 

Then, Khaleesi’s bestie/translator who is FLY AS HELL and has the coolest outfits and hairstyles, goes to talk to Greyworm, the leader of the unsullied army. These 2 have had the hots for eachother forever, so it’s no surprise when they FINALLY HOOKUP YAASSS GAGA! If you’ll recall the unsullied are all castrated as kids so he’s kinda embarrassed about his lack-of-package, but hottie translator is like NBD let’s do this. And so he, much like Jon Snow season 3, is like NBD lemme go down on you and she is LOVING IT. And it’s a great scene because we haven’t had nearly as much sensuality on GoT in the past few years and we needed it.

Let’s stop in Winterfell to check in on Bae and Sansa, shall we?

That letter that Khaleesi mailed to Bae has already arrived and Bae is like I know it’s legit because Tyrion put an inside joke in there that only he and I would get, OK? Sansa is like yep I was briefly married to Tyrion against both of our wills and he was v nice to me and treated me well. And No-Knuckles is there too and he’s like fire kills those ice zombies and dragons = fire and everyone is like sure but can we trust her?

Later in the ep, Bae gets the letter that his bestie, Sam, sent him in last week’s ep about how there’s heaps o’ dragonglass under dragonstone. Bae is like ok now that I’ve got these 2 very informative letters, I need to go see Khaleesi. All of his pals/ people loyal to him are like BAD IDEA, BAE don’t leave us we need you. And Sansa is like ya dude you can’t just leave and then no one’s in charge over here and he’s like LEAN IN GURL YOU DA KWEEN OF WINTERFELL. And she’s like I guess I never considered that but Ok, fine.

Then Bae stops by to visit their dad’s grave (well actually his uncle but he doesn’t know yet) and Littlefinger comes creepin’ around like hey remember how your stepmom was always mean to you? I was in love with her! And Bae’s like GTFO. And Littlefinger is like #you’rewelcome #dwaynetherockjohnsoninmoana  for helping you win this place back last season. And Bae is like don’t touch Sansa, k?

WDTSEM? We’re supposed to think Sansa might just take Littlefinger’s advice and do some sort of plot to take over from Bae, especially now that they’re fighting on the regs and now she’s all in charge. Personally, I think Sansa is smarter than that and also she’s made it quite clear that she’s grossed out by Littlefinger, esp his obsession with her mom. WHO KNOWS what will happen, but this last scene is probably supposed to plant some seeds of doubt.

We briefly touch base in King’s Landing with QPC…

She’s sitting on the coveted throne-of-swords and telling people how awful Khaleesi is. She’s like ya…. She’s gonna burn y’all up with her dragons. And everyone is like but remember last season when you burned up half of this city? Sam’s dad is there and he was a major dick last season and nothing seems to have changed in that department. QPC’s bro/lover, Jamie, is like will you please fight for us? And he’s like I would but I promised that grandma (who is currently #teamKhaleesi) that I’d be loyal to her so… no. But Jamie is like well if you change your mind I can put you in charge and you can forget about grandma. He doesn’t seem convinced but we’ll see.

Later in the ep, QPC checks out some dragon skulls with the “maester” because now that Khaleesi has these dragons, she’s gotta figure something out. He shows her this giant crossbow/catapult thing he’s made that can kill dragons and she’s like wow kewl.

We also briefly check in with Sam in “Old Town”

He’s still interning at the maester-training-academy and he’s treating Khaleesi’s former bestie, Stoney, who has that terrible skin-turning-to-stone disease. Sam’s boss is like sorry, Stoney, you’re done-zo, you have to go live with the stonemen. And Sam is like hold up, you’re a Mormont? My old boss when I was in the celibate-dude-ice-wall-guarding-army was your dad and he was a badass. Also, I had to watch these creepy dudes stab him so I owe your fam. He tries to talk about cures for the Stone disease but his boss is like SHUT UP YOU’RE JUST AN INTERN!

So Sam comes back that night and is like ok would it be kewl with you if I perform surgery on you, Stoney? I am just an intern and I’ve never practiced this before but let’s try it. And then we have to watch a truly disgusting surgical-removal of stone-skin that honestly even writing about it I’m dry heaving.

Arya is still on the road, headed to kill QPC last we checked…

She stops in to this pub to see an old friend name HOT PIE (that’s his real name, not a nickname) who is a wonderful chef. She eats some of his bread and drinks some beer and he keeps asking her questions but she is REALLY EVASIVE and won’t look him in the eye. He asks about Ladyknight, who we know is now working for Sansa full time, but who previously was trying to find Arya too. Arya is like, ya, she found me but then I had to head east to the face-swapping-assassin-training-academy. And he’s like you should check out Winterfell because I know you’re secretly a Stark. And she’s like NO THANKS, the Boltons are in charge over there and I don’t wanna get skinned alive. And he’s like NAW BITCH your bro, Bae, is in charge over there now. Which I guess in all of her travels she still didn’t know this? IDK seems fishy. But then she’s getting ready to leave and is about to keep heading to kill QPC but then CHANGES HER MIND AND HEADS TOWARD WINTERFELL! It was a very sweet moment in the episode and full disclosure I did tear up a little.

WDTSEM? Arya, in her current life as an assassin, has lost some of her humanity, as shown when she can’t even look her old pal in the eye. But finding out that her bro is still alive and that her old home, Winterfell, is in the Starks’ hands again has changed her. After meeting Ed Sheeran last week and his whole crew who reminded her of the importance of home and being with family, she’s finally deciding there are more important things in life than revenge. Which is kind of sweet.

Later, she stops for the night and is trying to stay warm by a fire when her horse starts gettin’ real spooked. Suddenly a pack of giant wolves (which are totally her brand because #stark) surrounds her, and she realizes one of them is her old pet who she set free back in season 1. She’s like hey.... Remember me… we were friends? And the wolf is like ummm… new phone who dis? And she’s like please come with me, I’m headed home. But the wolf is like sorz, can’t. And she says “that’s not you.” IDK if she means this is literally not her old pet or if she’s saying this feral version of you with a pack of wolves is not the wolf I knew. It doesn’t take a TV genius to figure out wolf = Arya and she’s conflicted between her new “feral side” and her old, daughter of a Stark side.

Our last scene is A DOOZY and it takes place on the high seas…

PTT and his sis are headed south with the Sand Queen (SQ) lady per Khaleesi’s instructions. We get a quick scene with her daughters, the Sand Snakes, just to remind us they’re all badasses and then we check in on SQ, PTT and his sis. SQ is like why do you keep your bro around he’s always acting all previously-traumatized. And his sis is like he protects me, but SQ is like you don’t need protection… and she and the sis start touching each other. PTT is like that’s my cue to leave, but just as some hawt SQ on PTT-sis action is about to go down, their ship is under attack. PTT and sis head upstairs and it turns out their crazy Uncle has come to find them! 

He sets all of their ships on fire and is tearing through all of their armies. The Sand Snakes put up a fight but sadly are taken out one-by-one. SQ is captured and is like, please kill me, but they do not. Then PTT’s sis and uncle go head to head. PTT’s sis is a major badass but uncle crazy-pants has craziness on his side and also captures her. He’s holding her hostage, about to cut her throat, so PTT is like ummmmmm….idk what to do. He’s clearly having some serious PTSD, so rather than make any decision, he jumps off the boat. His sis seems v v disappointed because she was literally just bragging about how he can protect her. He survives but is last seen floating sadly, watching all of their ships burn and his sis get taken away…

WDTSEM? Remember last week when uncle crazy-pants came to see QPC and bragged about having 2 hands? Well he promised to bring her a gift, and while my initial guess that it would be some sort of dragon-horn was probably off, it seems like the gift he’s bringing are these hostages. He now has the Sand Queen and PTT’s sis, both of whom are v powerful players. Having them to bargain with will be very helpful for QPC, assuming that’s the plan.

Final thoughts:

This ep was actually pretty great, minus the disgusting amateur surgery scenes! The fight scene at the end clearly had a huge budget and it showed- the fiery sparks throughout the entire scene were so cool and we’ve never seen much fighting-at-sea (with ships v. ships instead of ships v. land). The CGI people really did a bang up job if you ask me! #nerdalert

Biggest surprise this ep: I did NOT see that whole attack at the end coming! Also, everything is happening so fast! Everyone is learning about everyone else so quickly. I feel like in past seasons it would have taken us 2 eps at least to get something in the mail but now the mail’s coming 2-3 times an ep!

Biggest letdown:I was hoping, based on the preview, that Bae would really come for Littlefinger and squeeze him real good, but he was pretty gentle. Shoulda known because Bae is not one to strangle willy-nilly but DAMN I am sick of listening to Littlefinger.

Important fashion moments: Khaleesi’s shiny black get up was pretty great and I’m coming around to Sansa’s weird chain necklace.

Who died this ep? The Sand Snakes (RIP) and a bunch of Iron-Islanders (PTT’s people) and probably some Dornish people too (SQ’s people)

Thanks for reading, tell your friends! Check in next week! 

[thejinichan]

Under the Circumstances Chapter 1- An Animaniacs Fanfic.

“Can someone change stations? Because that show is as stale as yesterday’s bread.” Yakko said with a long groan, when he saw what was playing on the TV that hung over the fire place in the dining area of "Chez Le Pu."  

"Just how many times did they have to broadcast that in a year?" He thought with a shudder, dropping a stack of dirty dishes into the cart before him. He hastily dashed through the large swinging doors to the safety of the kitchen. Away from all the prying eyes and away from the questions he was always asked while waiting tables. Most importantly though, to escape from the biggest slap in the face that had ever been aired on TV. 

 

And of course, it had to play on a Friday night during the dinner rush.  

With a heavy sigh Yakko pushed on ahead without paying attention and wound up hitting the wall. With a thunderous crash, the mountain of stacked plates came cascading down before he could grab them. The dishes shattered onto the floor, scattering pieces all over the kitchen.  

The chef and cook, froze in place from their tasks, and all eyes were on the toon.

 

Yakko furrowed his brow, scratching the back of his head as he snickered quietly to himself. Yup. It was going to be one of those nights and his shift had just scarcely begun.

 

“Everything alright in there?”  

 

Yakko snapped out of his daze to see his boss poke her head inside the kitchen. She frowned when she saw the wreckage of broken plates on the checkered floor. With small beady eyes glancing up from under her glasses, she took a step in. The sound of crunching porcelain under her heeled shoes made him wince.  

 

“Uhhhhhhh,” He hesitated, as he reached behind himself awkwardly for the broom. “We needed new China anyways."

Abigail remained unfazed by Yakko's failed attempt to make a joke. Punch lines like that might have worked with the customers, but it certainly didn't work on her as her expression remained unchanged.

"Oh well"  Yakko thought. You couldn't blame an out of work toon for trying.

 

“Yakko, I don’t know what has gotten into you lately, but clean this up right now.” She sighed, forcing the creases in her forehead to become more prominent. “And when you're done with that, please, for the love of god take a break or something.” She muttered with a wave of her hand.

 

“Yes, Dear Abby.”  

 

"Yakko?"

 

“Yeeees?” The Warner brother casually smirked.

 

“Please don’t call me that.”  With a turn of her pointy black heels, she exited the kitchen with the doors swinging behind her.

 

Yakko tried to settle the weariness in his stomach with a small chuckle."Might as well get this cleaned up." he thought. And after that he could sneak out the back, have a smoke, and maybe be back just in time for that damn “News reel of the stars" special to be over. Then at least that way, he wouldn’t have to entertain the customers with the story of the downfall of his acting career.

 

“Seriously, Yakko?"

 

Yakko swung his head up to see Skippy on the other end of the kitchen, sitting on a stack of crates, phone in hand. Shit. He hadn’t even noticed he was there. A few years his junior, Skippy was one of his old co workers back in his acting days on the Animaniacs. And here they were, all these years later, working together once more. Only this time the circumstances were much different.

 

“Hey, Yakko, you know better then to piss off the boss riiight?”

 

Yakko swept up some of the broken china and threw it into the trash receptacle behind him. “What can I say Skips? It’s a tough crowd out there tonight."

”

" You're telling me! I swear to god if another person asks me to do the where’s Bumbi’s mom? thing one more time I think I might spew.” The squirrel stuck out his tongue to get the point across even more.

 

Yakko shook his head. “Story of my life Skips, story of my life.”

 

Skippy hopped down off the pile of crates he’d been sitting on. “Ugh, break's over, wish me luck out there.”

 

“Uhhhhh, Good luck?” Yakko didn't mean it though, and Skippy knew it. They both were aware of the things that lurked past the safe haven of the kitchen. He quickly swept of the last pile of debris from the floor, eager to get out. The soup of the day was boiling away on the stove, filling the room with a humid haze.

 

Skippy adjusted his white bowtie and smoothed his hair over. He gave Yakko a quick salute before stepping out into the noisy restaurant.

Just over the people outside, happily chatting while eating their meals, Yakko could hear a part of the segment. Why didn't anyone change that God damn channel like he asked? He should have just done it himself.

 

“With the introduction of computer animation, and its rise in popularity, many toons, like the Warner Bros, and their sister found themselves being served layoff notices with no warning at all.”

 

Time for that break.

 

Yakko crept quietly past the window out looking the dining area, hoping no one saw him. He turned the corner down the hall and stepped out the back door. The cool air hit his face and he took a deep breath, happy to be outside at last, and not stuck inside the stifling place he now called his livelihood.  

Taking a seat on top of one of the trash cans in the dimly lit alleyway, he loosened his white tie. It always was too tight, but if he wore it any looser than that, Abigail would be sure to notice. The strict uniform rules were only the tip of a long list of things he despised about his job. There wasn't a toon he worked with that didn't feel the same way either. To the outside world, being served drinks and food while being entertained by your favorite cartoon characters might have seemed like a great way to spend an evening. But it was a living hell for anyone employed there. But any other places that hired toons didn't even pay close to what he was able to make in tips. As much as Yakko didn't want to admit it, unless he ever got back into acting again this was the only way he could support his family and stay off the street.

 

 

 

He pulled a smoke from his front vest pocket, lighting it up . He had a pack stashed in his locker for occasions like this, and he knew if Dot found them on him, he’d never hear the end of it. Yakko was planning to quit. One of these days.

 

"Just when did things start getting so shitty? "

 

He took a long  drag off his cigarette, blowing a large trail up into the sky. The toon sat in the silence and watched the smoke swirl further upwards, dissipating into the hazy clouds above.

 

Maybe it was when, he and his siblings were told that, due to budget cuts, they would be producing half the episodes they normally did in a season. Or maybe when they were told if they wanted to remain in the water tower they would have to start paying rent.

 

Or maybe it was when Mr. Plotz brought them up to his office years ago, while they were still in their teens and informed them that the days of the Animaniacs were now over. It was time for Warner studios to move on with the times. Ratings were at an all-time low for 2d animation  and they were beginning production on their first computer animated series. There was no room in the budget for hand drawn cartoons, nobody had interest to watch them anymore. Mr. Plotz had told them, "Its time for you children to embrace the change, and try something new."The director assured them they were more than welcome to remain in the tower, so long as they continued to pay their rent. After all those years on the show, after all that revenue He and his siblings, had brought in for the studio. After all the awards. Mr. Plotz kicked them out after 2 months, because they were unable to find jobs.

 

Yakko took another puff.

 

That was 9 years ago.  

 

So where did that leave him now? At 23 years old with no prospects for the future, working the same shitty dead-end job he'd had for five years. At a  throwback cartoons restaurant that only hired washed up and out of work toons. Doing the same impressions, answering the same mundane questions, and doing the same dance routines over and over again. Every day, a reminder of the star he once was, and never would be again. He would have left Burbank and all the memories a long time ago had it not been for his younger brother and sister.

 

They were worth it.  There wasn’t a thing Yakko wouldn’t do to help Wakko and Dot make it out there. Even if he didn’t.  

 

Yakko flicked what was left of his cigarette into a puddle near his feet and watched it sizzle out, much like his career as a toon. He chuckled to himself in the irony of it all.  

 

Here one minute and gone the next.

 

“Ummmm, excuse me?”

 

Yakko jumped up from where he sat when he felt someone tap him from the side.

 

“Hello?”

 

Startled, Yakko glanced at the figure. It was a girl.

 

And she wasn't too bad on the eyes either.

Part of him wondered how a fan might have found their way to the back alleyway but he didn't question it, feeling too lazy to care.. He gave her his signature flirty smirk that always got the women going. “How’d you find your way back here? Lemme guess, you sneaked in just to meet me?" Yakko joked. He felt around his shirt and pockets, “If you’ll just give me a sec, I’ll get a pen and give you my John Hancock.”

 

She giggled lightly. " An autograph?" She said in confusion. "Actually all I need is that." She gestured at the trash can he was sitting on top of.

 

Yakko gave her a puzzled look. “Oh wait, haha, the garbage?”

 

She nodded with a smile, rustling the black plastic bag in her hand. “Bingo."

 

“Well, if you didn’t want my autograph, babe, all you had to do was say so." Yakko teased, hopping down off the metal canister. He removed the lid while bowing deeply. “And here you are, fair lady.”

 

She tried to hold back a snicker with her free hand as she dropped the bag into the can. “I have a name you know, it’s Kori, if  you're curious, and lemme guess, you're Ya-"

 

“Yup, Yakko, the one and only,” He boasted, not even noticing he cut her off. “And what brings you out here amongst the rubbish like myself?”

 

“I, uh, actually got a job at the restaurant next door, been there a few days now.” She laughed “I was wondering when I might run into a toon...never in a million years did I think it would be you, though.”

 

"Well I guess today is your lucky day, then." Yakko said slyly while raising an eyebrow.

Yakko took a moment to check out the fellow food server. Her uniform wasn't much different from the one he wore, spare for the fact it was red and done up the front with gold buttons. Her chestnut Brown hair was thrown up in a loose ponytail, with a few stray pieces framing her face. Across her nose was a light dusting of freckles. Her emerald green eyes glanced at him in confusion. 

"Dammit." Yakko thought. She was really, really cute.  

"Keep it cool." Yakko told himself. The thumping of his heart told him that it was not going to be easy, though. Toons were never very good at hiding their feelings and thoughts, with them often coming out in exaggerated ways. The whole hello nurse thing was funny on the show, but this was real life.

"Umm, are you ok?" She questioned.

The toon pointed at himself. "Uhhhhh me?” He glanced away, hoping she wouldn't notice the sweat that was now dropping down his forehead. He silently cursed the fact that toons emotions showed so easily.  "Nope, everything is all good here, just been a super slow shift that's all...”

"Tell me about it.” 

"Think fast." Yakko's mind raced. "Think of something funny to say to break the awkwardness.

"So are all the girls working over there as cute as you?" 

"Wait. Why say something so stupid? "He sighed inwardly. 

"Your still a giant flirt, aren't you?" Kori teased. " Just like the old days when I watched your show as a kid."

"Yeah, just like the old days," Yakko muttered somewhat quietly. He didn't enjoy being reminded of his former career even if the comment had been made by a cute girl.

"Oh poop!" She said nervously ,sensing the sadness in his voice. " I'm sorry, If I said something wrong."

"No offence taken." Yakko chuckled, seeing how apologetic she looked over a small comment. He felt almost guilty now. "But oh poop'? Hah, who even says that?”

"Umm I do?.”

"Shit. You mean, Oh Shit.” Yakko teased.

"Pretty much" She giggled. "I have younger siblings back home that are still in grade school so I'm trying to clean up my language? My parents are always complaining about it. I got a swear jar and everything. My co-workers are always teasing me though."

"Well, if you hang around me any longer you might have to start over." Yakko said  sarcastically. "Now wouldn’t that be poopy?"

Kori burst into giggles. "Oh my God! you are so much funnier in person!"

Yakko laughed with her, their laughter rising into the cramped alleyway that separated the two restaurants. It felt like ages since he had last shared a laugh with someone and  actually meant it. It felt so refreshing, to just have a normal conversation with a person who didn't ask him to sing nations of the world for the millionth time.  

"This is so cool!" Kori said cheerfully. "If someone had told me as a kid I'd be sitting in an alleyway behind a restaurant with Yakko Warner I'd have called them crazy.”

Yakko leaned up against the wall and pointed at it with his thumb. "If someone told me I'd be stuck working at a joint like this I'd have called them crazy, too."

"Well..." Kori murmured quietly. "At least-"

She never got to finish the thought.

Just then, Abigial burst through the doorway., glaring at Yakko with the same blank expression from earlier.

"Yakko, I said a break? It's been over 20 minutes now."

"I'll be right in Abbey." Yakko reassured. "After all I know my adoring crowd awaits."

"Save the sarcasm for the fans Yakko, that's what your paid to do" She said coldly. " I'll see you inside." Abigail slammed the door behind her, the noise echoing through the brick walls of the alleyway.

The two of them stood in awkward silence for a moment before Kori finally spoke up. "Wow, and I thought my boss was cold? He's got nothing on her."

"My boss is so icy that if she went to hell it would freeze over."

"Hah, good one! Kori remarked. " I'll have to remember that one for later."

"Thanks! Yakko smiled, even though he was feeling annoyed he had to leave. Especially since all he wanted to do now was stay and chat with this girl he just met. "I'm only speaking the truth though."

"Well, I'm sure we'll bump into each other again." Kori said shyly. "And maybe we can gab over garbage again?"

"Sounds like a trashingly good time to me," Yakko winked. He opened the door but hesitated a moment before shutting it.

“Guess I’ll see you around then?” Yakko asked with a grin. "I'm out here most evenings."

Kori gave him a small wave. “As long as there's trash to be taken out, then I guess you will.”

She walked backwards waving, towards the door of her own workplace and backed herself into the wall. “Oops,” She chuckled. Kori reached behind herself blindly for the doorknob.  

“Need a hand there?”

“No, no, uh, I got it!”  Finally her hand made contact with the door and she awkwardly opened it. "Have a good night Yakko, and it was awesome to meet you."  

“Likewise Kori.” He grinned, and he gave her a small wave before she stepped out of the alleyway,

When Yakko walked back into the kitchen, a lineup of orders was already on the warming shelf, ready to be brought out. The kitchen staff had been cooking up a storm.  

Skippy gave him a confused look.

“Dude, what’s with the dorky grin?”

“Uhhhhh, no reason really.” Yakko said dreamily.  

“Yeah, ok then.” The squirrel rolled his eyes. “You might wanna bring extra napkins over to table 14.” Skippy warned him. “This monster of a kid thinks it’s hilarious to spit juice at the toons.”  Also, there’s a table of crazy fan girls that just walked in. They asked for you specifically.”

“All in a day’s work, my friend.” Yakko smiled while patting his co-worker on the back. “Let the games begin.”

Yakko tightened up his bow tie once more, and grabbed the large tray of orders for table 14. He stepped out into the dining area of "Chez Le Pu." with a large smile plastered on his face. Only this time it wasn't as fake as it normally was. The restaurant was packed to capacity, with toons running all over the place trying to meet the demands of the hungry crowd. But for once, he wasn't feeling as bitter about it. He quickly served the table their orders, then waltzing over to the table that had asked for him. It was a typical scene. Three woman in their early thirties who could barely contain their excitement.  

"Helloooooo Ladies!" He chimed, " Yakko Warner here, and welcome to Chez Le Pu! Can I start you beautiful women off with some drinks?" He pulled a notepad out of his vest pocket to write down their requests.

"OHHH MY GOD ITS YAKKO GUYS!" One of them screamed. "CAN I TAKE A SELFIE WITH YOU BEFORE WE ORDER?"

Yakko did his best to smile sincerely at their request. Even though he was so tired and done with all this, maybe, for tonight at least, he would make it.

[shadowofimpendingdoom]

OK LIKE HELL AM I GONNA LEAVE THAT BE here are some new and improved Avery lines

@pasteldot this is your fault

Select:

“Lemme at ‘em!”

Pre-round introduction:

“Time to paint the town red!” “It’s very knife to meetcha!” “Youse ain’t gonna like any of what’s comin’ to ya.”

Samson: “I’ll teach ya a thing or two 'bout backstabbin!” A: “Chief, you don’t know what you’re doin’!” S: “Could say the same for you.”

Vice: “Don’t even try ta stop me!” “You can do better than this and you know it!”

Avery: “Hey!! Who do you think you are!?” “Lookin’ good. Now get bent.��

Krieg: “Wanna play Cat & Mouse!? ...Or would it be Goat and Bird...?” “You’ll never take me alive!” K: “I usually refrain from harming minors, but...” A: “If that ain’t the biggest load a’ bull I’ve heard today!”

Hungern: “And just when I thought we was gettin’ along.” “All you cops are the same, after all.”

Lev: “*nervously* I don’t know 'im!” (referring to Samson) A: “Just how many people has Sam pissed off?” L: “Every being he’s ever met.”

L: “You are not safe with him, little one.” A: “And you’re supposed to be any better?”

Sagan: “Start autographin’, pretty boy!” A: “Sure would be a shame for showbiz if yer face got messed up.” S: “Hey, I heard scars are all the rage these days.”

S: “I’ve killed more Skullgirls than you count, newbie.” A: “Should be a good time for retirement, then, yeah?”

A: “What up, doc?” S: “That’s my line!”

LG: “No hard feelings!” “Show me what’cha got, Red!”

Sekhmet: “Seriously, how many people did Sam piss off!?” “Nuttin’ but a dry well here, sister! Breeze off!”

Tara/Bee: “You don’t tell me what ta do!” “Outta my way!”

Buer/Gae: “Let’s see if all dat stuff they pumped into ya was worth squat.” “Guess Needles needed friends as creepy as her.”

Andy: “Step down, Andy! This is professional work!” “Go back ta your shows. I got this!”

Robo LG/Shamone: “What in the bull hickey?" “Guess this is happenin’ today.”

Skullheart: “Ain’t no runnin’ away now!" “Let ‘er go, skullbag!”

Combat:

“Real funny...” (Recover)

“You’ll pay for that!” (Recover)

“Oh, boohoo!” (Enemy recover)

“Drop dead already!” (Enemy Recover)

“Ya seem to be on edge.” (Enemy Recover)

“Stick around!” (Grab)

“What’s the rush?” (Grab)

“Wingin’ it!” (Grab escape)

“Open wide, blubber-mouth!” (Blockbuster)

“Dammit!” (Failed blockbuster)

“No, no, NO!” (Failed blockbuster)

“Uh oh.” (Failed blockbuster)

“Hey, git back 'ere!” (Failed grab)

“YOU WANT SOME!?” (Infinite Break)

“GET LOST!” (Infinite Break)

Switching/Tagging:

“Toucan play this game!” (Switch in)

“Save some for me!” (Switch in)

“Make way~!” (Switch in)

“Hate to cut and run.” (Switch out)

“All yours!” (Switch out)

“I’ll be back!” (Switch out)

“What’s-yer-face!” (Switch out)

Samson: “Chief!/Hair for brains!/Boozehound!/Rip ‘em open!”

Vice: “Minion!/Lackey!/Torpedo!/Break a leg or two!/Bruno!"

Avery: “Good-lookin’!/Yours truly!/Hot stuff, comin’ through!”

Krieg: “Fuzz!/Bad cop!/Soulja boy!/Officer~/Buttons!/Ten-hut!” A: “I won’t go to jail for this, right?” K: “Today.”

Hungern: “Fuzz!/Good cop!/Eyeball!/Pleasure workin with ya!”

Lev: “Wisehead!/Grandpa!/Stiff!/BBQ, anybody?”

Sagan: “Pretty boy!/Done powderin’ yer nose?”/ S: “This doesn’t mean we’re friends.” A: “Thank Venus.” / A: “This is a one-time thing!” S: “Please word that better.“

LG:  “Red!/Algae!/Kiddo!/Newbie!/Short stuff!/Show ‘em what for!”

Sekhmet: “Canary!/Chippy!/Dish!/Dame!”

Tara: “Jane!/Give ‘em hell, sister!/Give ‘em a shock!/Make yerself useful.”

Bee: “Bee’s knees!/Buzz!/Stingy, are we?/Feelin’ swell?”

Buer/Gae: “Droppers!/Palooka!/Tear ‘em to pieces!/Lessee what’cha got!”

Andy: “Kiddo!/C’mere, brat!/Make yerself useful.”

Robo LG/Shamone: “Uhhh./Sure, I guess?/Sams--! Wait.”

Skullheart: “No funny business!/I’m watchin’ you./McGuffin!

Win:

”Good knife and sweet dreams!” “Ya don’t seem t'be in a stable condition.” ’*Woody Woodpecker laugh*’ “That’s all, folks!” “I hope Boss hears o’ dis!”

Samson: “That’s what’cha get!” “You had it comin’.”

Vice: “I told ya--I’m the sharpest!” “Join me already!” “Typical slice-of-life drama.”

Avery: “That’s... uncomfortable to look at.” “There can be only one! The best lookin’ one!”

Krieg: “Yer job’s a heavy birden.” “No egrets!”

Hungern: “Well, yer better than yer brotha.” “Should’a stuck to babysitting.”

Lev: “I’ll pick my own friends, thanks.” “Chief’s got weird taste.”

Sagan: “*sarcastically* Poor rich kid.” “Sign ‘ere. Make it out to Peacock!” “Quit rufflin’ yer feathers!”

LG: “You’ve still got a way to go, twerp.” “What’s your deal?”

Sekhmet: “I’m tired of yer cuttin’ remarks.” “Go exit stage left, broad.”

Tara: “Try all ya want, you’ll never be my level!” “*mockingly* Does Tarry need new batteries?”

Bee: “Look’s like I’m the bee’s knees, after all!” “All swagger, no substance.”

Buer/Gae: “The heck’s Lab 0 up to?” “Braindead’s got nothin’ on me!”

Andy: “As usual, I gotta do all the work.” “Leave this to the professionals, kiddo.”

Robo LG/Shamone: “And I thought Buer was creepy.” “O-kay! Never again!”

Skullheart: “Rest easy, doll.” “I did it... I did it...!”

Lose:

“’M sorry, Boss...” “No fair...!” “I... can’t lose...” “You’re so... dull...” “*dreamily* Candy canes...”

Samson: “Filthy traitor...!” “You won’t get away with this...!” “Double-crossin’ sonnuva...”

Vice: “Don’t... trust them.” “But I’m the brains...!”

Avery: “That’s just uncalled for...” “Load a’ baloney!”

Krieg: “Child abuse not in yer book!?“

Hungern: “So much for that...” “Like big bro, like lil’ bro.”

Lev: “You’ve got issues...” “Still not... convinced.”

Sagan: “I hate you so much...” “So those weren’t special effects...”

LG: “No fair...!” “What's with you!?”

Sekhmet: “No... don’t....!” “Don’t hurt them...!”

Tara: “Anyone but... you...” “But I’m the better one...!”

Bee: “Laugh it up...” “Can’t believe this...”

Buer/Gae: “I can’t lose to... you...” “Wrong on so many levels...!”

Andy: “No... seriously...!?” “Dunno if I’m angry or proud...”

Robo LG/Shamone: “I feel... irrelivant.”

Skullheart: “Patty...!” “I can... still...”

Draw:

“Well I could’a done that.” “That was on purpose!” “I’ll get you, gadget...!”

[gradiebby]

LIVE BLOGGING MY DRAGON AGE INQUISITION PLAY THROUGH (FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME) Doing The Threat Remains/Fuckery in the Hinterlands.

Hello Chantry.

Has Cassandra always walked with such swagger?

She concerned.

Don't bring up the egg.

You're not easy to come by lady.

You hold on to my sense of humor.

CULLEN.

JOSEPHINE AND HER ACCENT.

Her speaking elvish makes her sexier.

That voice. Melts. Me.

LELIANA BABY AGAIN

You've always been the spymaster babe, it's not a secret.

That's an impressive bunch of titles.

Ugh mages and templars argument. 🙄

Won't speak to us cause THEY SUCK but keep talking Josie baby.

Bitching about arguing while you're arguing Cullen makes you a hypocrite.

Herald of Andraste is quite the title, come over here Cullen and I'll show you how I feel about it.

Of course it isn't an option, Cass.

Ew. Please no Leliana, don't send me to the Hinterlands.

You're sending me to the Hinterlands.

You look for other opportunities, Cullen.

Ugh, I hate that I have to take the egg.

To the Hinterlands!!

SCOUT HARDING 😍❤️

Oh Varric, she's not Harding in Hightown.

Don't worry Harding, I'll find Horse Master Dennet 🐴 Just add another tick to my to do list.

Imma live in the Hinterlands.

Yes, yes it is interesting reading Varric that is why I clicked it. Also to accept the quest.

I still think Royal Elfroot should have a crown 👑

Fight the baddies.

Open the Crossroads.

Mother Giselle's accent is boss.

Ugh more Chantry talk. You'd think they'd go away after Anders blew them up 🤷🏼‍♀️

Convince them. You mean give them my neck to hang cause that's what the Chantry wants to do bro.

Go to Haven. Go to Leliana.

Bossy Cassandra says to find Corporal Vael.

But first claim this landmark: Saga of Tyrdda Bright Axe with a stab of my fancy ass flag.

This dude wants Ram Meat 🍖

This dude's son went MIA and now his wife can't breathe.

Spend 10 minutes hunting rams.

For all the hungry bellies.

Now I gotta find Vale. Maybe.

Found Him.

Lots of talk about cold and hungry people well I just gave your hunter dude ram meat.

Ask about the horse master, brownie points with Scout Harding.

This dude needs blankets.

Running around all random like.

Accidentally stumbled across the mage stronghold. Well that's taken care of.

Found the first blanket marker. Take my flag!

Not all dwarves like holes, hmm, Varric? 🤔

Rift count: 4.

Whoop enough power to leave.

Back to Haven!

Conversation with Cassandra as she literally destroys dummies 😍

Of course Imma flirt cause flirting is the way

A traitor or madwoman would've chopped my head off like Chancellor Dilehole wanted. Just saying.

I'm the Makers benefit.

WE END THEM 👏🏻👏🏻

She could slash me with her sword any damn day 🗡️

Cassandra Approval makes the world go round.

Do I even believe in the Maker? Hunny. I have pointy ears and facial tattoos.

Another Conversation!

Where am I from? To spin a story that Varric would approve of or be honest?

I went with honest cause I want her and her cheekbones to LIKE ME.

Gimme all that approval, Cassandra.

Uh oh fighting in front of the Chantry

Cullen to the rescue.

Use that angry Templar voice

Ewww Chancellor Dilehole 🙄

Begone Chantry Satan 👿

You are not the proper authority bro, I'll cut you.

As functional as any young family means EAT MY ENTIRE ASS.

The walls better be standing when I return Cullen or I'll never leave you in charge again.

JOSIE CUT SCENE

How does a town have an owner, hmm? Show me the town deed.

Now take that deed and shove it homie, we're staying.

Duel Cassandra and PERISH.

Josie's accent does things to me.

Might stay my ass, we're staying until this place burns down (spoilers 😂).

Lemme ask all the questions, lemme learn about you and your accent.

Tiny bow to the pretty lady and her accent.

Hitting up that creature table.

Your welcome Minaeve. ✅

TO VAL ROYEAUX

To see the Chantry people who want my head on a silver platter.

It's a terrible idea, Josie.

Yes please don't ignore the dangers, they want me dead. Listen to Leliana.

Haaa, Cullen agreed and Cassandra is going with me obviously.

City Mourning = Gasping at Me

Time to face the Chantry and Templars.

Silenced by your treachery, bitch, don't make me glowy hand you.

Why is it always the elf thing? So racist.

Templar punch 👊🏻

Beneath you in what way sir Templar?

Lord Seeker looks like a pasty ass demon.

You should be ashamed! You punched the Chantry chick, that's bad karma.

Came to make speeches means shuup bro.

You're not even a Templar. You're a Seeker.

March your pasty demon ass right into the garbage bin. 🗑️

Recruitment Timeeeee!

Belle first, take your shit and go to Haven.

Get that Cassandra Approval.

Mysterious Arrow = SERA who almost shot me in the foot. Work on your aim.

Scavenger hunt time to find the Sera clues.

I jumped off a balcony cause I forgot what level the last clue was on.

Gimme that invite to meet Viv.

Oh hello Grand Enchanter, what a surprise.

Fellow Mages my ass.

I only like you cause you created Alistar.

Back to Haven to return this quest.

Leliana always spying.

Abandoned their senses, more like banging a demon.

Make up your minds, buttheads.

Demon and Danger is the name of this game.

Leliana is worried about the Wardens, gimme the dets to go find Blackwall.

Mission Accomplished. 🎉

[omgdicks1]

Shitty samus returns review

i feel obligated to talk about how there hasnt been a new metroid game in 6 years, partly because its sad and i wanted more metroid, but mostly because every review ive seen started like this. 6 years is like 4 zeldas, 6 marios, 2 pokemons and 2 failed attempts at college. Yes technically metroid prime : chibi space marines + soccer came out in that time but if you couldnt tell by the (totally accurate title) that shit doesnt count. the world needed samus genociding aliens and promising strip teases if you do it fast enough. why not just do that by remaking the second worst metroid game(return of samus) with all the fixins of super, fusion, and zero mission. so yeah they did that something something transition story After defeating space pirates, destroying mother brain and the metroids in the first game, samus is on the galactic federations speed dial for anytime they fuck something up. This time, they find the metroid homeworld of SR388 and decide to go there without samus. 5 minutes later everyone is dead and they want samus to kill everything left on the planet. yay genocide. the story is basicly a setup to show off and kill a bunch of new metroid evolutions. its a pretty straightfoward story for a pretty straightfoward metroid game. they even got some beautiful artwork to show off these plot points as well as some chozo backstory. its some good shit. gameplay samus returns has built apon the tried and true formula of runing around, shooting aliens, and collecting shit that makes it easier to run around and shoot aliens. expect lots of caverns, hidden power ups bombable walls etc. if youve played a 2d metriod game super or after you have a pretty good idea what youre getting into. that being said there is enough new stuff here too to keep shit interesting. you have all the standard beams, missiles and bombs as well as the screw attack, morphball, spiderball, and grapple beam. the only thing missing is the shinespark, the lack of which makes back tracking a bit more tedious. most of the weapons function exactly the same althought the ice beam doesnt stack on the other beams which is kind of annoying / the grapple beam and powerbombs can pull off some new tricks. tbh im a spoiled brat and i wont be happy with the grapple beam until it has the same versatility as smash bros. as for new shit, you got a melee counter to deflect rush down enemies and set up for a quick kill or just push away critters that get to close. you have the 360 aim which makes it way easier to shoot down enemies at the cost of being locked into a standstill or jumping in place. and you got the aeion abilities that all deplete from a meter you can increase buy collecting upgrades. these abilities let you slow down time, shoot rapid fire, have a lightning armor that negates damage as well as increase the range of your mellee counter, and the scan pulse which can fill out chunks of your map and help find secrets. These new abilities are all really well implemented into the game, especially the 360 aim and the counter, i found myself using those very consistantly. they arent withought faults, the button used for the 360 takes up any space that could be used for a free running diagonal aim, something that is incredibly usefull but still doable by holding diagonal on the controll stick. the melee counter doesnt do any damage by itself which is kind of dissapointing to my fantasy of samus punching her foes to death. regardless the mechanic is still really fun even if i wish it was more damaging and could be used while running. the aeion abilities are great even if i only really used the rapid fire and slowmo when i was required. im too paranoid about running out of meter to ever use them outside of necesity or experimenting on how to kill a boss the fastest way possible. youll have plenty of time to experiment because you fight each form of metroid anywhere between 1 and 12 times. the metroids are fun, the melee counter quick time events and fighting the them in different arenas help keep shit interesting but at the end of the day youre still fighting some of these guys 10+ times. the 3 non metroid bosses are fun too, except maybe diggernaught, beating him was a little too criptic/trial and error -y. id say the bosses in this game are overall significantly harder than most of the other 2d games and im split on how to feel about it. on the one hand i like a challenge but on the other im an unstopable intergalctic genociding bounty hunter so i dont want to die 3 times on a digger robot FUCK YOU DIGGERNAUGHT. but yeah anyway i think the map is a little 2 linear for my taste. its set up in isolated levels with very little intersecting paths and almost no backtracking. for me it makes it feel less like a complete world and more like a series of stages seperated by elevators. it's a left over design from the original game that isnt exactly my cup of tea but also doesnt ruin the experience by any means. at least there are teleporters to make end game collecting easier. presentation i dont like the graphics in this game. all the edges are blocky but not really in a stylized way and the screan always seems blurry like there is to much light coming from the environment for the camera to get a crisp view. even the artwork has this overly lense flare thing going on. to be clear, the graphics in no way inhibit the gameplay. i think they get in way of the atmosphere of the game. for me id say about 50 percent of the metroid experience comes from the imursion and atmosphere that the games have. shit like big ass slugs, krysal caverns, waterfall and statues in the background go a long way to help in this department for SR but it feels like for every area there is with a great background or soundtrack there is another area with little to no soundtrack and the only background is blue or brown rocks. thats not to say this hasnt been the case in other metroid games but many of those had you spend more time running through each respective area. for me this familiarity with each area made each game feel like its own world. i remember traveling through talon IV swampy service because it was interesting, i did it a lot, and the music was great. i remember pendara drifts and norfair and kraid for all the same reasons, the seamed like part of a world. samus returns is a big circle of sometimes pretty caves and ruins connected by elevators . combine that with the less than stellar graphics (id take sprites any day) and you have a rather underwelming planet, at least on the whole. it probably doesnt help that i spent most of my time looking at the touch screen map instead of the actual game. i guess i could always just pause the game and and plan out my route on the map like i used to but meh. something i will praise about the presentation are the added cutscenes and semi quick time events. if you counter a certain bosses youll get a cutscene where you mash the missile button and beat the shit out of the bosses in spectacular ways. you fling some around by their tails, ride using there horns and all sorts of other crazy shit. these all give make samus seem as baddass as ever and really show off how strong she is. it might just be my favorite new feature in the game. i only recall 2 new/ remixed songs from metroid 2, the rest are recycled from other famous metroid games. whats there is great but id always love more. conclusion gameplay wise this might be the most refined and excessable entry in the series, at least in terms of being user friendly. controls are tight, responsive, customizable and the touch screen makes flippin through shit a breaze. the touch screen map combine with the aeion map pulse make exploring easier than ever(i haved mixed feeling but i also dont have to use it so whatever). the bosses are challenging and rarely unfair. the overall presentation is passable but not stellar. the map is pretty linear which could turn off some but does streamline the experience. overall i really enjoyed this game for what it was, as much as i harped on about things that i think have been done better in other entries in the series. i guess for a rating uh, i think i like it better than fusion but not as much as zero mission or super. lemme know if you guys want more ramblings in the future