#like either they’re using ‘mildly autistic’ in place of ‘weird’ or everyone’s using autistic like it’s the r slur

[pinkfey]

hate this “mild autism” shit

[omegawolverine]

I know you posted it days ago but you said something about wanting to rant about either karl or his fanbase and its been itching at my brain. Ive no clue whats happening or what is happening at all cause no one seems to be making clear points?? Or explaining anything?

Obviously you do NOT have to talk about it im sure it might be a sore point to rant because people can get SO needlessly rude to others over it. But if you want to idk explain? Just rant? Im definetly curious what it was over or about.

The "you dont need to talk about this" is amplified by the fact i am DAYS late and you are probably over it by now.

okay hi yes im happy to talk about this but i think i should preface with two things:

1) even tho it may seem like im biased towards him or being very defensive of him im actually a super casual karl viewer and the only reason i am super defensive of him sometimes is bc we act a lot alike irl and that is mainly because of our neurodivegency. when i say a lot i mean we share traits like "annoying" stimming (jumping around, making loud noises, repeating the same phrases until everyone is sick of hearing them), the difficulty reading situations, the very obvious issues with volume control and not just bouncing from subject to subject to subject as we fucking please. basically anything you've seen karl do on stream that is Very Neurodivergent ive done the same in my own way which is why i get defensive when i see people calling him annoying or saying they dont like him, usually for these types of reasons. that being said, when i say im a very casual karl viewer, i fucking mean it. i usually only watch him when he's streaming with other ccs i like or when he's doing chill alt streams bc even with the annoying donos, he's pretty relaxing and comforting when he's just fucking around by himself and he isnt trying to get as hype as he would on a main channel stream. so yeah, it may seem like im biased and sure, i guess i am on some level, but it's not coming from a place of me hyperfixating on him or me even loving him as a cc, it's coming from me being a neurodivergent who likes him just enough to get upset when i see people basically being casually ableist towards him.

2) i dont have all the facts or even a great understanding on what the fuck has been happening recently with his "drama"...mostly bc he talked about it on his priv, which im not on, and people are gatekeeping the tweets, as they always do, and basically making you "dm to see them" (which is already a problem in and of itself bc apparently in these tweets he said he didnt want them being ss and shared, yet they are being shared thru dms over and over and over again like. at that point just stop withholding the information and post the fucking shit, you clearly dont care that he said "dont share"). additionally, most of the threads ive seen on this situation havent actually explained the initial issue, just talked about his apology (a lot of people have said "it's bad" but havent said why and with no screenshots ((i havent asked for someone to dm me them and i still havent seen them posted, which is mildly surprising, but incredibly frustrating at this point)), i only have a few basic details i can actually assess it on) or they talked about the initial issue in very vague details so um. excuse me trying to explain this now, but ill try and make it make sense with how little ive actually pieced together.

(oh, also, here's my first rant about the ableism in this fandom which is way more broad. this is a pretty different rant from that one, but they're both pretty big reasons why i hate this fandoms treatment of karl)

so basically the problems started with mr beast being apart of a charity stream that donated either to autism speaks or to a similar company, im unsure on that part. im also unsure on if the people participating in the stream actually knew of this or not bc, from what i remember, the money was being donated to a separate organization that was like. under the bad company or some shit like that, idk how stuff like that works and also i read about this shit months ago bc this originally happened months ago and just sorta came to a head recently.

anyways, i think karl was supposed to be apart of this stream but pulled out of it right before (that or these were two separate streams and karl was supposed to participate in the first but pulled out while mr beast did both?? idk. regardless karl did not actually participate, just mr beast). from there people started doing the guilt from association bullshit they always do, this was also doubled by the fact that the chris being racist stuff came out sometime around then and basically he got dragged all over twitter for "being ableist" and "supporting racists" and i cant remember if he actually apologized when this originally happened or not. i vaguely remember him apologizing about something back then but i genuinely dont know if it was this or something else.

basically that died down eventually, a good chunk of people unstanned him but him and honktwt didnt end up getting the lovely lil technotwt treatment and they still havent yet, surprisingly. good for them honestly ajsksk

but now we get to the past few weeks and apparently something happened with him "laughing at someone saying the r slur" (it was mizkif, i believe), specifically when it was directed at other people, which is a big yikes, obviously, but when karl was called out for this a lot of people kind of. made this into a situation that it wasnt bc um. basically karl didnt laugh at it, he gave a few nervous giggles, as people often do when in a situation like that (and karl specifically said he does this in the one part of his apology tweet which i did stumble upon, although it wasnt the important part of the apology thread bc why would it be) and people fucking crucified him for it. they quite literally dragged a neurodivergent man for supposedly "laughing at the r slur" when he can literally reclaim it and also he was just nervous laughing.

and this is where the situation just gets really bad because they. basically forced him to admit that he was autistic on his priv to apologize for this. i havent seen the screenshots of him saying this, but i saw people discussing it and i am frankly so fucking pissed about this because sure, it was a bad situation, and i understand people wanting an explanation, but an apology? for a neurodivergent man nervous laughing at a slur he can reclaim? and then forcing the man to admit something he literally said in that tweet he didnt want people to know which is why people were being so gatekeepy about it while also LOUDLY discussing the situation, as if that wouldnt drive MORE PEOPLE to look for screenshots and ways to get ahold of this information? and then people had the audacity to call it a "bad apology" when they had quite literally just violated his privacy by forcing him to admit something that he shouldnt have needed to share in the first place if he didnt want to, which he didnt.

and this is why im so pissed off. karl is already constantly picked at and made fun of and called annoying for his neurodivergent traits, things which he literally cant help, things which are generally harmless, and now he was forced into a situation where he can now be further picked at and made fun of and called annoying bc they forced him to admit something private instead of just understanding and accepting that he had been nervous laughing at someone using a slur he has definetly been called for his neurodivergency.

tldr of my thoughts: yes i think karl needed to address this situation, it definetly looked bad, but twitter stans have this sense of entitlement with their ccs and because of that, they consistently take it way too far and harm the people they claim to care about so dearly. we've seen it happen time and time again with dream, but this is the first time ive seen them basically force someone to out themselves to make their apology "valid" and most of them still seem to not want to accept it anyways, which just makes me feel bad for him bc now that info is out their and people are just disregarding it to continue "holding him accountable".

anyways, i think that's all i can really say on this topic rn tbh, if anyone else knows this situation better please feel free to lmk clarifications and ill add them in since, like i said, i know fuck all thanks to twitter being so goddamn hush hush about the important details while simultaneously being the loudest mfers about how much they hate karl now instead of just fucking unfollowing and moving on.

thanks for the ask and im sorry if this is confusing!! i just think this is one of those weird situations where like. i think karl deserved some criticism for what happened and how he handled it or at least he shouldve been asked to address it but that just. isnt what happened, at all. he was harrassed. karl got harrassed and because of that he handled this situation even more sloppily than he probably wouldve and exposed private info about himself that he didnt feel comfortable doing and it just. fucking sucks tbh.

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH 16

////TW SA mentioned/hinted at/// Depiction of a panic attack as well

The hospital was a buzz with energy, which was a bit weird considering how small the town was. Were there really this many patients today? You honestly didn't know, hell for the longest time you weren't even sure this was a hospital when you moved here.

That was changed recently, like very recent. Last night in fact when you had been forced awake by medical staff trying to determine your condition. That sadist doctor of yours kept a small smile on their face the entire time you groaned about wanting sleep. They had simply tutted at you saying you needed to be monitored for several hours before they could let you rest.

Thankfully you hadn't seen them today but it was only ten thirty. A lovely nurse had been checking in with you all morning, even before you woke up. He'd come in when you had buzzed after waking up in pain and given you a dose of your medicine through your IV drip. When you questioned him about where you were he seemed to still in concern. Worried that you hadn't remembered your accident that lead you here.

After assuring him and giving him a play by play of your day yesterday, giving him the assumed day, and answering who the current president was he let you off the hook. Mark, your nurse, had been very keen to tell you the Cowell family is in charge of your care and will be here later in the day to visit with you. Granted you actually feel up to visitors. Which you take as code for 'would you like me to deny visitors?'.

You let him know you'll be fine with visits after ten. Knowing full well how fast news can travel in the small town it's only a matter of time before a parade of Hornets meander through to check in on you. First you wanted to grab your bearings before being thrown to your overly concerned friends.

Or maybe they weren't overly concerned after all you did just experience a home invasion that left you hospitalized. Simply being concerned is a natural reaction to your situation. But your head hurts just thinking about anything right now. So, you'd like to take a moment for yourself, have a bit of time to process everything.

Either way you'd been right, news travels fast in this small town. Nearly all the lodge residents had been waiting for an hour to see you when ten rolled around. At ten on the dot Aubrey, Barclay, and Jake stormed into your room and surrounded you like piranhas in a frenzy. You looked towards Dani, Hollis, Kirby, and several other lodge staff members for help only to get small smiles and a shake of the head.

They wouldn't be helping you out of this anytime soon. You just had to endure the genuine concern and affection from your friends. Luckily for your splitting head the visit only lasts thirty minutes before everyone has to leave. Life still goes on even when a loved one is in the hospital. With several promises to return tomorrow and requests that you take it easy the rambunctious group was gone.

You relax into your bed before turning on the TV and finding something mind numbing to watch. The food network works! You hope Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives is in the roll today. You're in luck as it starts playing right after the commercials.

The voice of your doctor is getting closer to your room. Great if you weren't already upset by the atrocity happening with the pizza at that restaurant then you are surely in a sour mood now.

“Well sir we hope you can reason with the child. They have simply fought us each time we've brought up the tests. We'd say it was mildly impressive that they held such coherence last night, had it not been for the headache it has given us.”

Oh here we fucking go again.

“I don't need the tests.”

No one had made it through the threshold before you spoke. Everyone froze at your cold tone. Until the doctor makes a motion towards you.

“As you can see, they're very stubborn.”

“I'm not stubborn you're just not listening to me. I haven't had sex in a year so I don't need a pregnancy test and I just got bashed around last night. I don't need an invasive search done.” You ignore the Cowell family as you speak to the doctor, “I find it concerning how keen you are to do a rape test on me even though I've repeatedly told you I just got banged up in the scuffle. Nothing more.”

The doctor still has their small smile placed just ever so on their face. There's something really off about them. Even under normal circumstances you hate hospitals and doctors. Mainly because they never listen to you about your issues, something you know would be even worse if you had 'Autistic' labeled in a medical file. But something about this doctor seriously rubbed you the wrong way. Perhaps you two knew each other in  previous life and it was coming back to bite you in the ass now.

“Doc, the kid says they don' need a test, then they don' need the test.” Big Jo says breaking the staring contest between you and the doctor as they slide their gaze away from you to look at Big Jo.

You take no little satisfaction from seeing their stupid smile finally leave their face. It isn't long before it's replaces and they bound over to you. Poking and prodding you, jabbing with a lot more force than they should need to. After a small adjustment to your IV they clear you for this check up and allow the Cowells to have their visit with you.

“Something's off about them.” you say cautiously after the family steps into the room.

Big Jo sighs, “Ye' but they took care 'o ya last night kid.” Ushering his family through he closes the door behind them only to turn back to you with a stern expression, “so ya better play nice with 'em got it?”

Fighting back the intense urge to roll your eyes you nod, before turning to Little Jo who's made her way over to your bedside in her hands several thick graphic novels. The same ones your store started to carry a few weeks back. Looking up from the books you see her watery and puffy eyes. What she takes from Big Jo in personality she takes from her mother in empathy.

“I-I-I yip-yip I thought yip you might get bored so I yup wanted to let you borr-yip-borrow these.”

When she places the books onto the small table beside your bed you can see the tremors that rake through her hands. Choosing not to comment or bring any attention on the tween's obvious nerves you settle for an ice breaker.

“Thanks, don't know how much more crimes against pizza I can stomach.” motioning to the TV where a man is making paper thin crust on pizza to have a pizza that cooks in a minute.

That's not pizza it's cooked cheese and tomato sauce with toppings. Not pizza at all.

Jo nods softly, her normal enthusiasm no where to be found today. A pang rips through your chest as you watch her eyes cast downwards. With no clue how to help her feel better you have to swallow the sigh in your throat to not make the air heavier than it already is. Dia and Big Jo aren't much help either when you spare them a glance.

Dia herself is wiping her eyes with a tissue and sniffles escape her every few seconds. Not much is different bout Big Jo, he may have more prominent eye bags today but you weren't going to judge him for not sleeping. Even under normal circumstances you didn't have ground to stand on. Mark mentioned Big Jo was the one who found you from what he'd over heard at the nurses' station this morning.

Knowing this made the foreboding feeling in your stomach grow. The way he's looking at you with his cold stoney stare-he's not even really looking at you more through you. But his stare pierces you and sends the pit in your stomach lower than you thought possible. If it wasn't so chilly in the room you'd probably be sweating right now.

“Dia, why don' ya take Josephine home.”

Hearing this you lift your hand up to Little Jo before she has a chance to scurry out of the room with her mother. She looks at your hand and then back to you before launching herself into you with a crushing hug. Gravity doesn't help your case as the child's entire weight is on your prone form, you hadn't sat up when they came into the room.

“Get better soon.” the pain was worth it to hear the small plea. She at least felt a little better if she could talk without her vocal tic interrupting her.

After you pat her on the back and promise to rest up she's out the door with her sobbing mother. It's a quiet few moments after the door shuts before Jo takes a step towards your bed. If the pit in your stomach went any lower you're sure you'd be able to see your insides. The hulking man takes a seat in the chair next to your bed sighing as he leans back rubbing his face.

“Tell me what happened kid.”

You relay the events of your day to him. How you and Toby had gone out of town for slushies, gotten caught in so much traffic that you felt it was a punishment from God himself. The funny feeling you had after dropping Toby off, the one that said just to go straight home. And how you had a feeling someone had just been in your home. You left nothing out about the altercation with ski mask. That wasn't saying much because you only remember the ski mask and how you tried to claw their face off. When Jo pressed you for a physical description you weren't any help. Having been too caught up in survival mode you only registered the stupid frowny face on the ski mask as being a key detail...but any fool could laser transfer a decal. And the same went for that painted mask, anyone could grab an art store face mask and block paint some black over the features.

Vaguely you recall them wearing a jacket. Had it been red, yeah like a burnt burgundy maybe? It wasn't a lot to go on and seemed to frustrate Jo even more, if the pinching of his nose was anything to go by.

“You are aware of the situation, yea?” his accent has dropped, he's speaking in a more neutral tone and inflection. This might be the most rattling moment of the week-and it's only Tuesday.

He isn't looking at you so you give a quiet 'yes sir' in response.

“Kid your car got broken into on my lot. Your home gets invaded and you get bashed around/ All this a few months after my other front end girlie disappears in the middle of the night.”

A lump forms in your throat at the mention of Bambi. You can see the pattern he's stringing together, honestly you saw it long before today. You'd just been sloppy and took too much time to gather evidence of your stalkers' existence.  Bambi's disappearance wasn't voluntary and it looks like you may be next.

“Called Lydia already and we're upping the security at the cottage. Until I'm satisfied with the level of security you will be staying with us.”

“I co-cou” the lump was hard to speak around, “I can't impose like that, it's fine I'll-”

“You'll just what sleep in your car become an easier target? Go gallivanting to towns miles away where no one knows you.” his harsh words cause you to sputter, “For Christ's sake YN we don't know who we're dealing with right now!”

You don't make eye contact with Jo. You can't make eye contact he's raised his voice. You're lucky you're laying down or else you'd be rocking back and forth right now.

“Unless you have a clue who's out there and the police catch them, this decision is final. This isn't up for debate YN.” he finishes harshly

Even though he's finished you still can't look at him, your nerves are so shot and all you can do is bite your lip.

“Look I...I'd feel a lot more comfortable knowing you weren't out on your own while this gets handled. Josephine looks up to ya like an older sibling, she'd be crushed if you ended up like Bambi. Same goes for Dia. And I don't want that for my girls.” he says softly, “Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir.”

With that Jo leaves you in the room after informing you that they'd be back to check you out of the hospital tomorrow. And that you could expect a visit from Sheriff Owens at some point before then.

Even after Jo leaves it feels like someone has your heart in a vice. And every few beats they squeeze it, constricting the flow of freshly oxidized blood to your body. For good measure they try to yank the organ straight from your chest cavity but just end up bruising your rib cage.

Oh God you can't breathe, you're trying but you can't tell if you are or aren't anymore. The beeping of you heart monitor is increasing with each second. It's annoying ringing is too much and you need to rip the cords from you immediately. That just makes the ringing worse as it flat lines not finding any beating or rhythm under your skin.

Soon you're swarmed with a team of nurses trying to settle you down in your panic induced haze. Their grabbing hands and forceful touches burn your skin and light a fire that travels through your veins; and only serves to make you thrash more. Taking a swing at the nurse who holds a needle you continue your struggle against the other bodies holding you down as she stumbles away.

A few nurses rush in from the door to help her, not that you notice.

So many of the sounds are merging together and you can't understand anything. From the shrill beep of the heart monitor, the voices calling out at various pitches, footsteps. Everything forms into one gigantic frantic pitch in your already fried mind.

A growl rips through the room, you can feel the vibration of it all over you. Did that come from you?

In an instant all hands are off of your panting form and just before you can sit up a deep pressure is applied to your torso. Warmth seeps into you as the pressure lowers itself onto your body. Effectively ending your meltdown and lulling you into a dissociative state.

Floating is the only way you can describe it. The sensation of weightlessness and a gentle rocking caused by the adrenaline trying to defuse itself back into the body. Or the foggy haze that clouds your mind as you try to remember what just happened. Trying to rational the series of events and this outcome. But nothing comes to you except more brain fog. A confusing storm of frustration and vulnerability hits you. And you are left powerless to do anything. You can't kick your legs or scream as much as you want to.

The weight on top of you is forcing a calm to wash over you while the emotions inside wish to break free like a whirlwind. Your distress kick starting the whirlwind back up again only to die like a camp fire in a thunderstorm when you can't get any sort of momentum to your tantrum.

You can only loose yourself to the fogginess drifting further away from your psychical body. Completely unaware of the world around you as it washes away into nothingness.

When the floating feeling finally lifts you have to blink to shake off the remaining stupor. You're able to tell there is still a heavy weight on top of you but also something holding down your left hand. You turn away from the wall that you've been staring blankly at for hours, if your sore neck is anything to go by, and see Connor perking up at your movement.

“Hey bud,” you raise a hand to ruffle his ear and he lays his big head back onto your chest. “hey Tobes.” voice cracking as you greet the man you assume is holding your hand in a death grip, not once looking up from Connor.

There's a tight squeeze on your hand and you have to close your eyes and take a minute to collect yourself before turning to face him. The last thing you remember before drifting off was a group of nurses trying to sedate you. Having no clue what went on after that and when Toby came in you're preparing for the worst. Finally facing him you pause when you make eye contact.

“Jesus! What happened to-to-to you!?”

When you'd last seen him you'd dropped Toby off in the same shape you got him. Now he's sporting a heavily swollen black eye, one that looks pretty bade considering his nose bridge is also swelling a bit. It almost looks like it's pulsing. The dark purple bruise and deep red bleeding from under it to spread away from the injury is such a drastic contrast to his weirdly grayish complexion. You aren't sure if the black eye is actually that bad or if it just looks that way due to Toby's lack of melanin.

“Tim and I got into a fight.” his one good eye cuts to the side, “Barkclay had to split us up. Drove me here to get it checked out, it's fine.” He's dismissing it, they probably can't figure out if his eye really is fine right now, since he can't feel pain and that thing looks tightly swollen shut.

“Barclay.” is the only thing you can manage to say. Your brain wasn't prepared for most things right now and it's having trouble processing the gnarly injury mixed with complete nonchalance.

His lips pull back into a smile and not one you've seen from him before. Sure you've pulled a couple genuine mirth filled smiles out of him, or seen his teasing smirks, or bashful shy smiles when you've been out with others. But this smile, if you could even call it that-it was more like he was barring his teeth. Toby looked ready for another fight or like he was a feral predator about to rip out it's prey's jugular. There's a brief flash of a image that pops into your mind's eye, one of Toby's bloodstained face with this exact expression, teeth soaked red with blood and chunks of flesh in between . A chill runs through you at the thought. Had Connor not been laying on top of you, you would have shivered.

The instant you squeeze Toby's hand, the smile wipes off his face and he stares down at your interlocked hands. He returns the gesture before bringing his other hand over. Looking up at you through his eyelashes he flips your hand and when your expression doesn't change and you don't pull away he begins to play with your fingers.

“What was the fight about?”

“I don't have to answer that.” his tone is short and clipped.

You don't press the subject, obviously Toby doesn't want to talk about it. And you're fine with that, anyway if the fight was bad enough for Barclay to need to break it up and he drove Toby here you can assume Tim instigated and is probably getting kicked back out into the RV with no AC. As bad as it sounds you could care less. Toby's your friend not Tim, you only care if Toby's ok and while he may have a very fucked up eye in the future, right now he seems like normal Toby. A bit more irritated and on edge but that's normal after a stressful day. Hell you punched a nurse a few hours ago.

“What happened to you?”

There's a small part of you that wants to sass Toby, that you don't have to answer that. Thankfully the rational side reminds you that fight with a roommate is very different than having been beaten in a home invasion. Once again retelling your story but this time starting after you dropped Toby off. No need in going into as much detail as you went into with Jo or how much you'll need to go into with the sheriff. Toby's hands would grip yours tightly throughout your recounting. It's one of the reasons you didn't go into a ton of detail. Understanding your friend is barely holding on by  a string on his good days you aren't about to load your stress along with his already eventful day.

“You can't stay there alone.” he says after you finish the recap.

“Uh duh? Like Jo's already ordered me under house arrest at his house.”

It's like the tension leaks out of him like air leaving a balloon with the way he deflates after you say that. His grip loosens on you hand and he goes back to idly playing with your fingers.

“Good...that's good.” he nods to himself.

In the silence of this hospital room with his service dog on you instead of attending to his clear anxiety ridden form, you realize Toby's a lot more caring than his exterior lets on. The brunette might not wear his heart on his sleeve but it's easy to see it once you know what you're looking for. In this moment as battered and bruised as he is, even the potential possibility of loosing function in his left eye, he's more concerned with you. Whether it's low self worth or just how he treats friends you'll have to find out later.

“Hey...Tobias, I'm here y'know?” you start to sit up waving off a pecking Connor. Once you're far enough up you retract from Toby's grip, which he does fight you on a little. And you reach out further to his bicep, you can't quite reach his shoulder in this position.

“I'm ok Tobes, I'm here.” for some reason 'Tobias' doesn't sound right for this moment.

Toby doesn't give much of a reaction which is fine since you weren't really expecting one. He places his hand over yours for a moment before bringing it back into his grip and fixates on playing with your fingers once again.

With a smile you go to pet Connor with you free hand, hoping Toby might shake himself out of this funk. After a bit of petting you grow restless with the lack of stimulation and ask Toby to pass you on of the graphic novels Little Jo left for you.

It's easier than you thought reading with one hand would be, especially since you can prop the book on Connor who doesn't seem to mind. Pup is resting across your legs now that both humans in the room are stable enough to function without his intervention.

When you finish the first book Toby speaks up, eye still focused on your hand in his. And you find out that although the series isn't his normal thing he did enjoy the art style and a few of the jokes. He waits for you to finish each book before talking more about them and the arc of the story they laid out. Opening up for the two of you to have a nice discussion on the fantasy game based series. It's honestly so much fun for you, where you lack in background awareness Toby is quick to fill you in and point out little ques the writers and artist dropped. In return you're right there explaining character motives and the subtle looks of a character's eyes.

It's a fun few hours before visiting hours are over. And Toby paused at the door before he left, he looked like he wanted to say something but held back. Just as he turned to leave you call out.

“Get home safe.” it's normally his line but you aren't going anywhere tonight.

“I will....get well soon. I'll see ya later.”

There's that awkward smile! You can barely contain the beaming one you sent him before he left. Despite being hospitalized for injuries sustained by a home invasion from your potential stalker...well plural now, you've had a pretty great day.

Fuck that sounds so bad. Should you feel guilty about forgetting your messed up circumstances? No, no everything is getting sorted out. If anything this is going along with your plans for Big Jo to help you out. This was more than enough evidence to prove that you aren't just paranoid. And you're about to have a safe place to hang while this all gets settled.

The fact that you got injured is less than ideal but this is what you get for being sloppy and unfocused.

You have a lot of faith in your boss, you know this will be dealt with. Thinking back to everyone who came to see you today...you just hope everyone can be as confident as you are that this will all end soon.

[thistangledbrain]

Autism Awareness Month

Day 4!

“Reactions to ‘coming out’”

This might be my least favorite thing to touch on.

It was definitely a mixed bag.

My closest friends & family were like “well THAT makes sense”, and nothing really changed, except maybe showing me a little bit more understanding.

I took umbrage with the “friends” (more like acquaintances) who started treating me either like some sort of exotic creature they weren’t sure how to handle, or treating me as if I’m slow, and speaking to me as if I were a child. (A healthy chunk of those folks were the types who wouldn’t be the smartest person in the room even if they were standing in a phone booth, and it’s pretty offensive to be talked down to by those types.) 
I suppose I only was really stung by the people who *already knew me*...why would you treat me differently now? And it’s not like folks didn’t know “my weirdness”...as I mentioned in a prior post, I’ve always been myself - online and off. That “authentically me” thing is what draws many people to my circle in the first place. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I assume what bothers people is that you can’t shove me in a box, and at times I seem to be a walking contradiction. I run into this even with fellow auties...many women find it amazing that I served in the Marines (quite honorably - and frankly I think it would shock people to know how many auties find military service a very comfortable environment), and that I have more quiet confidence in myself than many can muster. (It’s not that I have all that much confidence all the time, so much as a “fuck it” sort of attitude lol...trust me, I end up embarrassing myself quite a bit 😆)

So occasionally I run up on suspicion even with other auties...plus the skepticism from some NTs I know. “Are you *sure* you’re autistic?” 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄 (Look - just because YOU experience my autism mildly, doesn’t mean I do. You know that “still waters run deep” saying? I wouldn’t necessarily class myself as ‘still waters’, but there is a LOT more going on under the surface than you’re aware of topside.)

Once again, autism is a spectrum. Folks maybe know a friend’s kid or young adult offspring who is a hot damn mess, or who is nonverbal, or who is violent and angry all the time, or who has ZERO idea of social constructs...and then there’s me, and I don’t seem to compare (*until you get to really know me* LOL...trust me, I’m a hot damn mess & DO need my “hand held” with certain things, and I *definitely* have a temper...I *used to* be a very angry person, and could be violent - but I’ve worked hard on that.)

Here’s the thing - NONE of us are really going to compare with each other like you want us to. It’s like assuming everyone with brown eyes acts the same, or something.

Think of the autism spectrum as a music mixing board. You know, with all those fun slide buttons? You increase the bass a little here, soften the drum track a little there, dial up the vocals in this part. Each autistic person you know has one of those mixing boards - but our buttons are all slid to different levels. I might have less issue with sensory processing than my Autie friend or son, but more issue with executive function. I know auties who can’t write a coherent thought, but speak eloquently - and vice versa (I’m the latter - I write far more coherently than I speak). In short, our abilities and dis-abilities vary greatly from person to person...just like anyone else.

I’ll close this entry out by saying, if you know a late diagnosed Autie, *be supportive*. It’s like we are finding ourselves again after diagnosis ...it can be scary for us, too, as we explore things we’ve suppressed so thoroughly our whole lives. Don’t make your newly diagnosed Autie feel bad if she suddenly feels like she has permission to carry a stuffed animal in her purse, or if you find him or her (usually her - females mask, mimic, and suppress, so it’s not uncommon for us to receive a diagnosis much later in life, when all that becomes TOO exhausting and we kinda...snap) suddenly okay with “stimming” around you (that can be rocking, flapping, or any manner of comforting, repetitive behavior)...or if she suddenly starts being okay with laying down some pretty sharp boundaries, after being passive and “accepting” since you’ve known her. (From an Autie perspective...you really have no idea the shit we put up with that we don’t want to, and it’s not uncommon, that I’ve seen, for women to get their diagnosis and just kinda go “welp, I’m fucking tired of pretending this is ok - it’s NOT”, and they now have permission/an excuse to tell someone to fuck straight off.

If your only exposure to autistic folks are the ones in the SPED class screeching and flapping around (hey - don’t write them off, either - many of them aren’t slow at all, they’re just TRAPPED, and chances are they’re frustrated as fuck about that), then someone like me is a real conundrum. How in the world are we both autistic?! (Psst. Because it’s a spectrum 😏)

Your best bet is to just get to know us individually, and not lump us all together. Or in other words...don’t stereotype us - that is the ultimate lesson in futility, and frustration.

I hope everyone out there is having a lovely Easter, if you celebrate it! And I hope these blogs open some eyes to the fascinating world of autism. ♥️

[gaiatheorist]

A little knowledge...

I keep starting this, and then deleting it, that’s either an indication that I’m trying to process as fully as i can, or that I’m being avoidant, and slipping into another depressive episode, I’ll keep an eye on it.

I have an untidy heap of paperwork at the side of my desk, it’s not ‘on’ the desk yet, because I’m not quite ready to fill it in. There’s no deadline on it, so it’s ‘floating’, rather than ‘fixed’, and the formatting of it is doing my head in. It’s the end-of-course review and coping plan for the Trauma Stabilisation Group I finished last week. I told my son a few days ago that the ‘mentals’ write their own coping plans, and he was incredulous, I’m relatively good at planning, and taking all factors into consideration, but the new medication, and the appeal against the denial of my disability benefit, and, well, 2020 are taking a toll on me, I’m slipping.

‘Introduction to Trauma Stabilisation Class’, three 90-minute sessions, delivered via Microsoft ‘Teams’, on account of the Covid-19 pandemic, we’re too unwell to be left to our own devices, so the online group was the least-bad option. It’s free, I know a fair few people who have had to pay for their own therapy, because they can’t access NHS treatment, and I know I’m part of a very small, but fortunate number, to still be on NHS lists. Groups of people with mental health issues are always a bit of a gamble, there’s the waiting-room-contagion factor, where some people will exchange symptoms and ‘unhelpful coping mechanisms’, and the weird mix of characters that are inevitable. This was either my third or fourth ‘Introduction to...’ group, and the online format was differently stressful to the in-the-flesh ones. I know ‘most’ of my group-dynamic bad habits, and there’s always a little bit of my cognitive functioning occupied with telling myself *don’t* do this, or that. In a nutshell, I’m a watchful show-off, the ‘feeling small and vulnerable’ part of my C-PTSD would, historically, lead me to muck about, or attempt to dominate groups, throw in my autistic ‘organising’, my professional desire to help, and the fatigue and over-stimulus from the brain injuries, and I *could* be a nightmare in groups. 

I was honest with the triage staff right from the beginning, it’ll be in my notes that I acknowledge my tendencies to ‘take charge’, as a means of coping with so much in my life that’s been beyond my control, it’s not all deliberate, and it’s sometimes really useful. I’m a sheep-dog, which is productive when I’m rounding up stragglers, and pointing them in the right direction, less-so when I’m distracted by a squirrel outside the window. 

Being what I am, and knowing what I know from my previous career is a double-edged sword. I know the fancy words for the theories and processes, so can be mildly irritated when the language has to be dumbed-down to the lowest common denominator. It does have to be, though, on the previous course, we had a couple of participants who couldn’t read the text on the worksheets (formatting issue, too much text crammed onto each page, to save on photocopying costs, they strained my eyes a bit) I can’t do my (TM) Autistic thing of assuming that, if I ‘know’ a thing, everyone else in the room does too. I can do my helpful thing of re-explaining something the facilitator has said if the group don’t seem to ‘get’ it, or clarifying something a participant has said if the facilitators misconstrue it. (One of the staff on the previous course was an absolute horror for that, she wasn’t listening actively, just barrelling on with what she thought had been said, people stop volunteering information when that happens.) I’m not there to ‘help’, or to ‘lead’, though. One of the participants in this last group threw a bit of a tantrum, she’d dominated most of the speaking in the previous session, and flipped when I was given air-time to explain something. That was hard to deal with, because I automatically switched to Mentor-mode, and very nearly lost track of the content trying to think of a way to alert one of the facilitators to check in on her, and try to bring her down from her agitated state before she hurt herself. 

I’m dabbling with the slightly paranoid theory that some participants, or even facilitators might think I’m a Mystery Shopper sort of thing. My ‘old’ practices and processes made a lot of people ask “How do you DO that?”, the ‘Matilda’-thing, I just do, I’m exceptional at a lot of very difficult things sometimes, but I can’t use oven-gloves, and, especially recently, I’ve been forgetting a lot of words. Other participants might think I’m a smart-arse, I am, it doesn’t matter, I imagine I frustrate the facilitators because I can give theoretically correct answers, but can’t consistently apply the theories in my own life. I’m not there to make friends, we all have to sign contracts of expectations saying we won’t form relationships, I understand that, an elective empathy with other high-end mental health cases is never going to be a good thing. My curious combination of conditions makes me a bit of a distance-er anyway, I stick as firmly as I can to the procedural pathways, it’s a process-with-purpose, not a popularity contest.

I’m struggling with the ‘be kind to yourself’ angle again. It’s not in my nature, I don’t know how. That bumps heads with the ‘normalising nice things’, even at this level of mental health intervention, we’re encouraged to ‘savour the taste of your favourite food’- food is just fuel, I don’t have a favourite, and, when people start banging on about chocolate, or cake, or whatever, I don’t get it. Visit a favourite place, phone/meet up with a friend, listen to uplifting music, go for a walk, buy yourself flowers, have a haircut, all of the ‘normal’ nice-things leave me cold, I don’t really have hobbies or interests, very few things spark my oxytocin or dopamine responses, I’m not a joyful type, that’s my baseline-normal, not a press-the-panic-button indicator that I’m depressed. 

“You’re just not trying!” Luckily, nobody ‘medical’ has trotted that one out, but it’s been the backing track to my life pretty much forever. I am trying, I’m trying very hard, especially since the brain injuries. There’s been a slow realisation that I have to pick my battles wisely, though. I’ve long maintained that anyone who’s ‘always’ happy must have a flap in their back where the batteries go, I’m not advocating living in a constant state of ‘Eeyore’ gloom, but constant joy must be bloody exhausting. I’m not always moody or maudlin, I’m just sort of ‘flat’, not particularly animated or enthusiastic about much, but I can engage for short periods when I need to. “Smile, love, it might never happen!” can get right in the bin, and, as the internet pointed out the other day, telling someone to ‘just think positive’ as a cure-all is ridiculous. Well-meaning, but oblivious people will chip in with their intrusive-insensitive opinions of how a bit of yoga, or more vegetables are all we need to be all-better, and it’s a challenge to not point out that some of us are a bit beyond ‘just snapping out of it’. 

That’s not defeatist. I’m autistic, my brain runs on a non-standard Operating System, the updates don’t always load, and I have to make a hell of a lot of work-around adaptations. Sometimes life’s like walking everywhere with my shoes on the wrong feet, and sometimes it’s like my appliances have come with the wrong plug, and I have to stick a spoon-handle in the Earth socket to make them work. On top of the autism, I had a succession of adverse experiences through the course of my life, which have left me with C-PTSD. I have a telephone-directory of medical conditions, and the icing on the cake was the brain haemorrhage  five years ago, I have brain injuries, bits of metal plugging up aneurysms, and one area of ‘risky’ defects on my brain-stem. Those are facts, I have a file of medical paperwork about two inches thick, but the UK disability benefit departments have decided to latch onto the fact that I’m not on any medication for mental health issues. (I’ve tried lots, none of them worked long-term, and now we know we’re dealing with a neurodevelopmental disorder, and physical brain damage, I don’t think a bit of Prozac is going to help.)

Knowing that my brain is physically and chemically different to ‘most’ people’s is not a get-out-of-jail-free-card. These are reasons, not excuses, and I’m doing what I can to work within and around my limitations. I’m not unique, or a special unicorn, I’m disabled, and damaged, and trying to work with the fragmented NHS. One of the issues with the trauma course was the assumptions. I absolutely don’t blame the facilitators, they’re working with pre-prepared material, and a ‘difficult’ cohort. I did gently correct the course-leader, when she started listing ‘normal’ coping mechanisms, the walk-in-the-park, cup-of-tea-with-friends type ones. Some of those ‘simple’ activities are incredibly difficult for some of us, that’s why we’re at this level of intervention, if we could have ‘just’ joined a knitting circle, or taken up photography, we’d already have done it. I explained the need for pacing, the other two participants had limited impulse control, so giving the ‘shopping list’ of strategies was a bit risky, I know I have a tendency to over-reach, so need to be careful with myself. None of us had mentioned nightmares or flashbacks, but they’re on the standard list of indicators for PTSD. There was an assumption that we all had them, in the same way as one of the other triage practitioners, ages ago, told me “It’s not PTSD, because you don’t have nightmares.” I have auditory and olfactory flashbacks and hallucinations. 

The doctors that didn’t make further investigations for the mutated migraines before the aneurysm ruptured. The gyneacologist that told my HUSBAND “There’s nothing physically wrong with her.”, the Occupational Health doctor who told me “It’s not vertigo, because that’s spinning.” and “It wasn’t a stroke, because you don’t have one-sided weakness.” I know they have to have lists of diagnostic criteria to start from, but Little-Miss-Autistic here spent far too long just-trying-to-cope because I didn’t fit neatly into their matrices. (Don’t get me started on DWP/PIP ignoring reams of evidence, and just picking out that I turned up to the assessment with my trousers on the right way around...) 

I know too much about some things, and not enough about others. My ‘flat’ presentation gives the impression that I’m calm when I’m not, and coping more than I am. The review for the trauma class isn’t until September, and I genuinely don’t know what the next step will be. I’m already on the waiting list for the ‘Compassion’ course, and the very long waiting list for the Specialist Neurodevelopmental Service in the city, to see if there’s anything ‘else’ I haven’t already tried to work within and around the autism. I’ve slipped through a million holes in a million nets, because I know enough to give the answers I ‘should’, the biggest irony is that when I answer “I don’t know.”, the assumption is that I’m being defensive or difficult. A little knowledge is indeed a dangerous thing.   

[sheyffer]

On Bradley (and the rest of this show’s glorified ableism)

Do I have your attention? Good. Because I have things to say.

This is the collective salt built up over the course of most of this entire season, so be warned. This will be long, and most of you aren’t gonna like this - so feel free to skip to the bottom line at the end of the post, I guess.

Without further ado:

So. If you’ve been following me or are a somewhat frequent visitor on the show’s tag(s), you might have noticed I like Bradley. With how much screentime he’s been getting lately, I should be happy, right? Well, I would be, but instead, it just made me feel terrible, week after week. People who’ve talked to me during those times will know. But let me explain.

- Bradley and me

Cheesy title, but what’re you gonna do. See, when MML first came around, I was pretty quick to declare Bradley my favorite character. The first few episodes were great, and I loved what they set Bradley up to be: A kid living in Milo’s shadow, dealing with the rightful bitterness coming out of that. His friendship (or whatever you wanna call it) with Mort and his crush on Melissa had great potential, and knowing these writers, I was expecting some great episodes in these directions. Not that we ever got any, but more on that later.

As the show went on, I noticed something else about Bradley. I know there are a bunch of “(character) is autistic” headcanons out there - and I’m not gonna say anything against those because they’re all valid -, and that Bradley’s also come up in these regards several times. I fully support that headcanon (partly because I’m autistic myself and he’s my favorite character so projection is bound to happen in one way or another), but there’s something specific I’d like to bring up: something I’ll call the switch, for lack of a better word. I will admit that I’m not spending time with other autistic people that often so I can only really speak for myself here... but man. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a (cartoon) character that so obviously has that very same issue (whether the writers intended that or not is another topic; again, see further down). I’m struggling with it a lot myself, as good as on the daily, and seeing actual representation of this in a show makes me feel incredibly validated - because, again, when does any character ever have this?

- A little tangent regarding that “switch”

I should explain what I mean in the first place, of course. Basically, I’ll only care about a topic if it actually affects me in some way, and if it doesn’t, my attention is basically zero. No matter how close we are, I probably won’t even attempt to fake interest when you’re talking about something that has no significance to me, because if I do, people tend to notice quite easily (and I prefer keeping things genuine because me being dishonest would arguably just complicate things further if people realized eventually). Better yet, with the stuff I am interested in, I often end up caring way too much -  so it really is kind of a switch, per se. My emotional investment is either full on or full off, no inbetween. Makes me an awful person to be around when you want to talk about anything beyond the fandoms or characters I’m currently interested in, for the most part, but I’m glad about the people who, for years, have stuck with and supported me anyway :’) Maybe you can see by now how Bradley reminds me of this, but here’s some assorted aspects:

Him failing to somewhat relate to Milo no matter how similar they kind of are in various regards

Him actually being friends with and hanging out with plenty of people he gets along with great (compared to having none whatsoever, as could’ve easily been the case if he really was just a jerk), though he's almost never the one to initiate the conversation unless it's Milo related

Him being straight up rude to those people at times, resulting in everyone getting mad at him (which I can’t really blame them for, but still)

And him in turn being way too emotionally invested in certain topics, see Milo and what Bradley believes to be him stealing the show (and Carla, of course)

Melissa puts it really well in Milo's World when she says Milo is so great because he always cares deeply about other people - Bradley quite literally can't get on that level, so it's no surprise he's this bitter, really. What's he supposed to do? He'll never have it in him to apologize for his salt because there's absolutely no reason to in his eyes. He simply doesn't care if other people are sad or hurt by his words, and not even voluntarily so: He believes he's right and doesn't grasp why people don't get him, which may just be because he's so emotional - and less rational - about it... and when he’s generally the quiet-ish grump who's not too bad but also just never quite the friend that genuinely cares about you as a person because he's just this apathetic, any emotional reaction you get out of him is immediately rendered an uncalled-for outburst. Not saying everyone else is awful to get mad at him, because I can't really blame them at all with how much of a jerk he actually comes off as (and him trying to explain is probably awkward phrasing in the "sorry but I don't actually care about your feelings, no offense" direction that immediately makes people get mad at him again), but don’t paint him as inherently awful. This is likely as hard for him as it is for everyone else, I’ve been there myself... but yeah. So much for that.

- The crossover and its aftermath

Needless to say, I was pretty disappointed by most of the second half of season one when it came to Bradley’s screentime, especially since he’d been such a prominent character early on. So when the crossover came around and he got that plant arm, I was like - great! A physical difference to go along with his mental issues and to give him even more reasons to get a little character arc and a push towards morally darker gray areas! This isn’t something they can ignore anymore, right?

Ha. Sure.

It was bad enough that in those first few episodes after the crossover, he had that arm and it was never brought up by either him or anyone else. And then we did get people acknowledging it exists - but it was either treated as a joke or, worse, something to “get over”.

Where do I even begin.

- Yeah, how about no

It’s bad enough that the writers confirmed they only added the plant arm because “it’s funny” - not because “hey, let’s give our main antagonist kid a visible reason to have an arc” or anything in a remotely decent direction. It’s worse that most of the viewers apparently agree, because I’ve hardly heard a negative comment on the matter over the course of these last few episodes. But seriously - how am I supposed to enjoy this (honestly great amount of) screentime Bradley’s been getting lately when all he’s reduced to is the comedic relief? Make Chad and his supernatural antics the hilarious one for all I care, but don’t use the kid who very clearly has physical (and mental) issues whether you actually headcanon him as having anything specific or not. All I got to see in these last episodes is Bradley rightfully pointing out his arm (Milo’s World, Ride Along Little Doggie), him being legitimately upset (The Mid-Afternoon Snack Club), or him honestly just being in the episode altogether (First Impressions), only to have other - main - characters make fun of, or belittle, or get mad at him and have them be portrayed as “in the right” with not a single ounce of sympathy for Bradley whatsoever. As for First Impressions: I’ve been that (autistic) kid excited for the first day of school but not getting in in time. It’s horrible. (Though I’m willing to let this one slide because it reasonably builds up his strong dislike for Milo)

- On an episode in particular

For what it’s worth, The Mid-Afternoon Snack Club isn’t all bad. Hardly an episode is. But it’s easily the most painful to watch for me, for numerous reasons. And that includes certain fandom reactions I’ve witnessed.

Carla. However hilarious or weird (or both) you or the characters may find this, he clearly doesn’t. Even if the writers only added it as a joke to begin with - I’ve had similar experiences myself. I’ve been in Bradley’s position, and sure, I can’t blame the characters for, initially, belittling him for this stuff. But for the love of all the gods I believe in, don’t just completely ignore the distress he’s going through and change the topic like that (while he’s still in the middle of the breakdown, no less). I expected better at least from Milo or Mort.

Zack’s “character development”. In any other situation, I might have appreciated Zack’s talk about feeling like being in Milo’s shadow. But not only is this literally what Bradley was supposed to be about this whole time - Zack immediately gets reassurance and comfort by the other characters. The best Bradley ever got was rude comments on being uncalled for. Goes right along with:

Only the good guys deserve happiness, apparently. Whenever Murphy’s Law does its thing and someone has an issue with it, Melissa and the others are quick to comment on how it isn’t Milo’s fault and whoever has the issue is clearly just being rude and uncalled for. Whenever Bradley does something mildly unpleasant, the very same characters get mad at him and are portrayed as being in the right. As people have pointed out before, Milo and Bradley aren’t all that fundamentally different - but because Milo is the protagonist (tm) and, in-universe, nice to people and (as I’ve heard) adorable, people treat him well enough, while it’s apparently the right thing to be awful to Bradley, because he’s the antagonist(/comedic relief) and not the nicest person around. (For the record, I like Milo and appreciate how supportive people are of his issues. It’s just the jarring contrast with Bradley’s treatment that bothers me.)

Bradley’s “character development”. It’s been a thing I’ve read about regarding this episode and that’s apparently been getting quite a bit of acknowledgement. And sorry, but what? Randomly making Bradley a nice guy who doesn’t mind being around Milo & Co isn’t “character development”. More likely than anything, it’s “oh no, we have three episodes left and can’t have any relevant-ish character not like Milo before this is over, but we don’t have enough time to even half-ass Bradley’s “arc” so let’s just make him be nice for the sake of this montage”. It’s more of a disservice to the kid than anything, especially when in this season in particular, pretty much nobody was nice to him, ever.

- What I’m getting at (took a while, I know)

I’m basically Bradley, for what it’s worth. Whether he intentionally has to deal with the switch or not, his portrayal is incredibly similar to what I’m like, socially and otherwise. Seeing him treated like this for episodes on end is absolutely horrible for me. And I’m an adult who dares believe they figured out their mind for the most part - what about kids? Actual kids (like me ages ago, who only learned about autism to begin with because of really liking Ferb and finding an autism-related post about him) who can relate to Bradley as much as I do because they’ve been there themselves, only for the Good Guys to treat him like this? Even if you ignore all this semi-projection-based talk about mental disorders, his plant arm is still very real and as much of a handicap as anything. It doesn’t matter that the creators added it (and Carla, and probably Bradley’s other antics) as a joke, there are people out there for whom this is anything but that. They deserve happiness as much as anyone, no matter if they’re not the nicest people around (unless, of course, they have really problematic views, but Bradley is far from entering that territory). If anything, they deserve people at least attempting to understand where they’re coming from - and writers who treat even the protagonist’s foil as more than just a joke.

(Disclaimer: No, I’m not saying nobody should call Bradley out when he’s being rude. Even things like the switch only explain his behavior and don’t completely excuse it - he should have to feel the consequences of his actions as much as anyone. But right now, nobody is making any attempt to help him change for the better; they’re making everything far worse, if anything. An episode of Milo, or Mort, or anyone really, actually being willing to so much as listen to his side of the story... that’s all it takes. And can’t be that hard to pull off, can it?) 

But since I’m already talking about this kind of stuff:

- And Elliot, too

If only Bradley was the only one. I’m not gonna say anything against Elliot being a jerk (World Without Milo did a good job portraying him in that regard), but even he deserves better than this. I’m talking, of course, about Safety First, in which Elliot has something I can only describe as PTSD, complete with a trigger word and everything. I will admit I haven’t seen the episode since it aired (and am not planning on doing so again), but man. It’s obvious enough how much the trigger word aspect was used as a joke, but then apparently we learn that you can just randomly be cured of your trauma in a few effortless minutes. How nice to know for a few people I know.

- The bottom line

I have plenty of issues with MML when it comes to plot, or pacing, or humor (which, maybe, deserve their own posts eventually). But this right here is by far my biggest problem of them all. Sure, it’s a show for kids, and sure, you aren’t supposed to take something with this kinda premise super seriously - but that doesn’t mean there aren’t aspects that should be. Whether the creators are aware of how their characters come across or not, there are parts even they should know not to be this disrespectful about. And maybe I could get over things like Carla on their own, but when so many little aspects are condensed into a single character, it really stops being something I can ignore. Especially when the characters interacting with him display such infuriating Protagonist-Centered Morality, and even more especially when it’s related to issues that could really use some proper representation in the media anyway, particularly in shows for this kind of audience.

I’m not saying this because I don’t care about the show (and could’ve stopped watching it easily if I have so many problems with it), it’s because I do. I know these people can produce fantastic content, P&F is a prime example. The first few episodes of MML are, too. But after that, it all kind of falls apart for me, with some gems here and there. And yet I still care about these characters (certain ones, anyway), and carry the hope that they will at some point get the treatment they deserve. Until then, I’ll be here writing fics to take care of that when the show fails to - you’re free to ask me about them if you’re interested, for that matter. 

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far. Complain about my opinion all you want, I know it’s such a jarring wave of negativity in a fandom that’s hardly used to that - but hey. Someone’s gotta be the Bradley here. In more ways than most people with any relation to MML are comfortable with.

Take it or leave it.