scar-ball

[01tsubomi]

after enjoying the first few episodes of fionna and cake so much i’ve been rewatching adventure time which has been very nostalgic, but when i was younger i dropped off watching it around season 6, which i think was probably more bc that was around when i finished middle school and i got busy, but i always remembered it as “i stopped watching after breezy”. FINALLY got to that episode today and it turns out over the years i warped it in my head and remembered it as waaaay more uncomfortable than it actually is. but still pretty uncomfortable and i can see why at 13 it’d creep me out enough to kinda just push AT away for a while. i did go to read real-time reactions to it though and found this reddit comment

we are popping the BIGGEST bottles when

[pure-kirarin]

Slow & Steady [P2] [Sabo x f!reader] (+18)

Genre : Romance - Smut - Bestfriends to lovers General warnings : Alcohol consumption - Dark themes - Swearing - S m u t - possessiveness - Mention of ex-relationships - jealousy

A/N : This is really different from my usual writing style but I am experimenting. Please tell me your thoughts and don’t hesitate to ask to be added to the tag list :) AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/31877203?view_full_work=true

In the last chapter --  «-Enough playing now, you're going to sleep. -B-but ! This wasn't what I asked for....You're really a coward after all...You virgin... » He carried you to his room, putting you on the bed and sitting next to you. «-I'd love to prove you wrong. However, it would be better if you were in a state where you'd be able to recall how good I am. If you want me to fuck you this badly then maybe ask me when you're sober.

Part I - Part II

Part II  -Yeah yeah...Pff..You're no fun Sabo. Things were finally getting interesting ! »

He smiled seeing that you were now calmer. You started to yawn and bury your face in his pillow. He loved to see you getting so comfortable in his room. He really needed a cold shower after your little show.  -Goodnight (Y/N). I'll sleep on the couch. You can get comfortable. -Are you crazyy ? You gonna leave me alone like this ? Let's sleep together~ -Come on (Y/N), you're a big girl. You could sleep alone for one night, would you ? Translation : I don't want to spend the whole night with a semi. And you're dangerously flirty, and I have wanted you for years and now I have to abstain.

-Pleaaaase. You said looking at him with puppy eyes. He rolled his eyes placing a hand in his hair. God.damn.it.

You won again. Like every time. * * *  You opened your eyes hardly next day, feeling something hard against your thigh. You looked at the ceiling

Oh...I am not in my room...Where the fuck am I ?

you turn around only to discover the embodiment of Adonis to your side. A light beam was lighting up Sabo's face. He looked like an angel as his beauty couldn't be that of a human.

Was he always this handsome ?

You didn't know, in fact, you have never had the occasion to wake up in his bed. Wait, in his bed ? This realization came slowly as your head was still foggy from yesterday's consumption.

You looked down, the thing that was pressing against your leg was indeed :

his thing.

You frowned, blushed, pulled away, put a hand on your lips repressing an internal scream, all of this in around three seconds. You then tried to calm down, telling yourself that it was very normal for a man to experience this kind of morning unconviniences, and that Sabo was a man, after all. Even if  you have always seen him as a bestfriend, he was still a man that is capable of physical attraction.

Now that this internal monologue was done with, you felt a bit calmer, but that didn't answer your question. You got out of bed, trying to recall what happened after going in the bar. And it came back. All of it. Without any mercy for your feelings.

You wanted the ground to swallow you whole. Your only wish was to disappear which meant : calling Nami. You headed out of the house, not even having the courage to face your bestfriend.

« Namiiiii -Uh ? What's the matter ? -I fucked up. I fucked up really bad. -Oh yeah ? Tell me about it. -Wait, why do you seem excited ? -O-oh I'm not excited. Come on tell me. What else could you have possibly done ? -I asked Sabo to fuck me. -Wait what ? You could hear Vivi ask Nami about what happened and her answering « She asked Sabo to fuck her ». -Nami ! Don't go on telling everyone about this. I'm on my way. -For starters, Vivi isn't « everyone », she's my girlfriend. And I'm here waiting for you to tell me what happened. -Wait, I'll come at your place. This can't be discussed over the phone. »

You hung up on her. Ten minutes later, you were at her place. Extremely confused. Nami was painting her nails bright red on the bed while Vivi was sitting comfortably on a chair. You let your whole body weight fall on a lounge pug, tourmented.  «-So tell me how you and Sabo ended up fucking. She emphasized the last word in a way that made you almost choke on air.  -We didn't actually. Nami and Vivi both sighed in a synchronized « Ah » of disappointment. -So hmm...I don't remember clearly. I was really drunk-- well that you're aware of and...And Sabo didn't want to leave me alone so we went to his place. Ace was at Thatch's so we were alone. We hugged and he comforted me. Then I started teasing him, and I don't know what I was thinking, but I kissed him, and then I asked him to fuck me. -Wow that escalated quickly. Said Nami as she continued painting her nails.

-Well, I was heartbroken, I needed something, someone, and he was there, and you know Sabo, he's a good guy ! I don't know what's worse, the fact that I asked him to fuck me or the fact that he said no.

-Oh god I'm so so sorry

- Nami please don't make things worse for me.

-No offense, but you're so dense. Sabo has always been into you. Do you want him, or do you not ? I know that going right into a relationship after a breakup is a bad idea. But honestly it's worth giving it a shot. He's a really good guy. Try dating someone nice for once.

-I don't know, he has something unsettling about him. Like « almost too good to be true » you know ? Added Vivi.

-Ohhh~ I see. Honestly, I always thought that he was a bit prude and hella vanilla. I mean, yes, he's my best friend. But he has never talked about girls to me or about sexual stuff. So I just assumed that. I never thought that he'd be packin' like that. You said as you popped a lollipop in your mouth.

-Ah ? Was it really that impressive ? asked Nami, genuinely curious.

-Yeah. On a scale from 0 to doflamingo he's a solid eight point seventy five. (*)

-Oh gosh. I understand why you're so worked up now.

-That's really...precise. Added Vivi, a bit horrified.

(*) [ The dear reader might need this clarification ; Doflamingo was Law's uncle, he sometimes came to pick him up after uni with his luxurious lamborghini. He wore extremely tight pants that left little to the imagination. And he was most known among your clique for having a nine incher. It was a running joke wether to know if Law got his uncle's genes. Needless to say that this joke wasn't to Law's taste. Now back to our adorable Y/N. ]

-So. I really don't know what to do. I am still heartbroken. -And horny. Added the ginger. -Yeah, that too. I'm afraid of ruining our friendship. -Listen dear, said Nami as she was closing the nail polish bottle, if you're not going for it, someone else would. And trust me, that girl Koala is upping her game. She's going to steal him right in front of your eyes, just like this - and she snapped her fingers. -Oh, and then, you can forget about being « best friends ». Said Vivi adding fuel to the fire. -Yeah, once he's gonna start dating, he won't have too much time for you-- and then, that Koala girl, my god, she seems extremely possessive ! -No way, your voice was detached, trying to act is if you weren't worried, Sabo has never dated any girl before.- -Yes but he seems to get along with that girl. And to be honest, she's kinda cute.

-Nami ! Vivi pinched her forearm playfully, pretending to be jealous.

-That hurt ! And don't be jealous, you know that you're my only one~

-Hmm...I prefer that. Vivi laughed. You started caughing reclaiming for their attention.

-Attention please ! We're discussing my dick-appointment here.

-Jesus you're really annoying, (Y/N), just go for it already.

-How much did he pay you to tell me this huh ?

-What ? He didn't pay me ! You're just always getting your heart broken. I'm just trying to be a good friend.

-Say that you are trying to get rid of her~ Jokes Vivi.

-Vivi, don't expose me like this- Nami plays along while laughing.

-I hate you girls ! You say as you throw a pillow on Nami. The ginger starts complaining that you messed her Nail polish, and the whole scene metamorphosed into a pillow fight.

* * *

You spent the whole day with the girls, chit-chatting about boys and girls and playing stupid games. You felt way more comfortable now, less ashamed. However, you were surprised because you didn't get a message from your bestfriend. You wondered wether he was mad at you, it wasn't in his habits.

You decided to message Ace [click for conversation] [ (Y/N) : Heyy amigo is Sabo ok ? Did he tell u smth abt yesterday ? Ace : Ouch, your hurting my feelings, </3 Only talking to me to ask about my brother~ Yea hes okay why tho ? (Y/N) : Ooo kay. He's home ? Ace : He is. Why don't u directly text him ? (Y/N) : Don't tell him I asked. Btw I didn't forget about those 10 bucks you « borrowed » from me. Give it back.] He didn't answer. You sighed and decided to go see Sabo to settle things down. It was the first time that you were embarrassed to see your best friend. You dressed up in a black skirt and t shirt. You didn't usually pay attention to your looks when you went to hang out at Sabo's, but you were really stressed out and what the girls have said about Koala made you scared of losing him. After all, you had some abandonment issues. You had to settle this down once and forever. You arrived at the guy's place, it was an apartment not so far from your own student flat. You knocked on the door and Ace opened : -Ohhh, (Y/N), he whistles, lookin' like a girl today huh ? -What are you implying you dumbass ? Where's Sabo ? -He's in his room with Koala.- -Wait what ? Koala ? What is she doing here ? Ace raised an eyebrow then said amused ; -I don't know, go ask him yourself. -You're useless as usual. -Always so sweet. You on your period or something ? -I didn't forget about my twenty bucks by the way. -I said I'm goin' to pay you back alright ? Now go talk to Sabo. You and Ace were always teasing each other in a brotherly way, but in reality, he really cared for you, it was just your usual way of communication. But it was true that knowing that Koala was in Sabo's room put you in a bad mood. You knocked on the door with a knot in your stomach. Did they start dating ? Was Sabo interested in her ? These ideas were torturing you. But why did you care anyways ? It was none of your business. He could date whoever he wants. You opened the door but there was only Sabo relaxing on his bed, still fully clothed. « - Sabo ?-Oh, (Y/N), what brings you here ? -Why ? Do I need a reason to see my best friend ? He sits on bed looking at you. He doesn't fail to notice your cute outfit, it was different from your usual sweatpants and hoodies, the way it complemented your figure was almost too much for him. Just that sight was driving him insane, but his face didn't betray his emotions, like always, he acted friendly, not an ounce of lust in his dark ebony eyes. You took place next to him. He smelled good, you thought. The same fresh minty smell as last time. Did he always smell this good ? -(Y/N) ?Huh ? Is everything okay ? His voice seemed concerned.He cared for you. And you had those stupid immature and posessive thoughts. Get a grip of yourself, (Y/N), you thought. -Oh yea-- wasn't Koala here ? Ace told me you were with her.

You tried so hard to act like you didn't care, but he knew you like the back of his hand. But still, he played along. -Hmm..Yes. She just left. I was going out as well. He says with a sweet smile, looking at his watch. You couldn't help but make a disappointed face. -But Sabo I wanted to - I'm really sorry (Y/N), let's talk later. He ruffles your hair and you close your eyes as he does so. You felt stressed out. What happened exactly ? You felt intimidated in his presence for the first time. You wanted him to stay and talk this out. It was a bit awkward for you now. You never thought too much. As he was going out of the room you held the fabric of his coat tight in your hand ; -Sabo- -Hum ? Need me to drop you somewhere ? -N-no. You let his sleeve go, realizing what you have just done, I'll stay a bit then go back home. Don't worry about me. -Alright then. See you later ? -Yeah. See ya. ]

You looked at Sabo go away and you followed him shortly after. Meanwhile Ace was sitting on the couch and watching some movies. You went back home and was quite tormented. It wasn't the right time to worry as you had your assignments and studies to deal with. On one hand, you didn't even have the time to think of your ex boyfriend and his cheating but on the other, you felt like you were let down by Sabo. But why ? He didn't do anything. He just found himself a new friend and a potential new girlfriend.

He didn't even talk about her, but why where you so upset by him meeting her ? After all, he had the right to date just like you always did.

A few days have passed and you didn't get the chance to talk to Sabo. Your exams were getting closer and closer and you didn't feel ready.

Usually, Sabo would help you with your assignments but you were too scared to ask. You realized how much you relied on him and how he has been always there for you.

Who were you exactly to him ?

Maybe you took him for granted.

As you were on your bed looking at the ceiling and trying to collect every drop of motivation in your system to study, you heard your phone ring. It was Sabo's ringtone ! ----- Tag list : @vemuabhi @chloe-abbacchio @mwls-garden @soanywaysistartedsimping If you wanna get tagged just ask for it :)

[awhilde]

kaeya as your boyfriend!

seeing all these hc’s for genshin is making me sob like god damn all these enemies to lovers for childe and lumine is making me simp for him. also i’ll never shut up about kaeya his yoho in the manga reminds me of oikawa and that just throws me into a whole other world of hurt

&& this is potentially the last piece of genshin content that i’ll post in a while bc i don’t just want to write purely abt genshin however !! if someone asks for it who am i to say no?

neways,,, kaeya as ur boyfriend!

the beginning of your relationship would have originated with his confession to you

despite being a huge romantic, kaeya confessed to you with no prior planning, nothing spectacular like a mysterious note leading to a tree caked in snow despite the rest of the world enveloped in a still night

in fact, kaeya hadn’t even come to terms with his true feelings when it occurred, he simply knew that he found you fascinating and of good company. besides, you easily bounced back his roundabout way of talking and your banter provided him good humour

so when the two of you were casually patrolling the streets of the city on the lookout for potential hazards, he’d dropped the bomb mid conversation when you guys were talking about your family

“yeah, i totally get that.” you had said in reply to his advice. “i’m just anxious i guess, on what i should do. after taking so long, is my brother even still alive?” after a shaky inhale, you laughed off the suddenly sombre atmosphere. “sorry, i didn’t mean to bring the mood down. i suppose i just felt a bit alone in this whole situation. its like no one is taking my brother’s disappearance seriously and its being overlooked because of all this dragon business.”

kaeya hadn’t been sure as to what to say for he felt slightly guilty for forgetting the reason why you ended up here as well. he felt an odd pang in his chest at your crestfallen expression, more so at how much you tried to cover it up with a smile.

he’d suddenly turn from walking beside you to standing in front, gauging your expression and successfully halting you in your step

he’d confess with a smile, clearly not expecting a response and solely in hopes of letting you know that he cared for you and you weren’t alone. he wouldn’t be nervous ion think, he knows his worth and would be completely comfortable with only being your friend. he’d let the news comprehend in your mind before turning around, wishing you a goodnight and a slight pun about how the early bird gets the worm

oh boy, kaeya’d would have never expected you to return his feelings but you did anyway, replying in a similar, quiet tone, expressing the emotions that you felt around the ice man and only THEN did he blush. he’d hid the majority of his reddening face behind his palm, looking off the right slightly to try and hide his face from you. the fluistered look on his face sent you out of this world

neways, the night ended in a limbo between awkward, flustered glances and timid silence, and finding the situation hilarious because well,, it just was to you two

the day after that, your relationship was relatively the same

except, kaeya no longer hid his lingering looks at you anymore which made 1). you blush and 2). everyone suspicious

but i mean they called it so,,,

everyone, that is, except paimon who exists only to be the biggest cockblocker you’ve ever met. no like seriously, did almost drowning cause the last sliver of common sense to escape from her?

regardless, paimon was on your ass every. single. time you and kaeya talked whether it be in private or within a group

like that one time when kaeya managed to get you alone in the library, having not had the opportunity to talk to you privately all day

he had stood a little too close to you (bc kaeya is a : dom and towering over you is something he would find pleasure in doing) as you talked. clearly, he wasn’t paying attention to your attempt at small talk instead opting to inch you closer to the wall with a smirk

you’re not completely dense, you knew exactly what he was doing but he was hot so you let it slide, finding the situation kinda addicting to be in

“anyway, amber was telling me something about cleaning up the aftermath of stormterror, something about barricades and the like, are you going to be helping us this time?” you had asked him, eyebrow raised over the book you had clutched to your chest

kaeya smirks and steps closer again, causing you to back away slightly. “and if i don’t?”

“go ahead and find out yourself, pretty boy, see how well that turns out.”

the bored challenge in your voice disappears when he closes the gap between you two, placing a forearm easily above your head and tilting your body in that respective direction, easily caging you in

“caring for me? where did your tsundere act go?” he whispered, breath tickling the hairs framing your face. by now, you were sure it was obvious that you were blushing

your eyes flick to his lips and back to his eye, his own catching the movement and you swore his lips stretched further into that smirk. his face edges closer to yours, a still silence in the form of an inhaled breath tense in the air and just as kaeya’s lips touched your own

the door to the library slams open

kaeya immediately brings his head up and checks behind his shoulder, body still encasing yours but this time in order to protect you

and you can’t see because,, well,, kaeya’s body was obstructing your vision so you turn to look around him but he moves that way too, protecting you from the intruder’s sight

but well, you didn’t need to see the person to know them because their voice was a dead give away

“kaeya!” paimon exclaimed and you hear kaeya’s short huff of exhaustion. “have you seen name? she said she was around here but,,, paimon hasn’t seen her anywhere. why are you looking at paimon like that?”

convinced that she wasn’t a threat, kaeya sighs and leans his forehead against yours. you giggle slightly

paimon finally sees you, at least your figure anyway and gasps. “wait a minute, is that a girl paimon is seeing? kaeya, what are you doing with this girl? unless,,, omg are you cheating on name?”

and without looking at the floating human, kaeya tells her to leave in a firm voice. clearly, he didn’t like any of this bullshit

and paimon gets a little scared before she huffs, telling him that she was totally going to tell you what he was doing

and the door slams after her with extra intended force and with the help of a few icicles

kaeya opens his eyes and gazes longingly at you, frustrated and annoyed at well,, being cockblocked. the moment of intense sexual tension is over and being flustered is well past you know. besides, you kinda wanted to clear up the misunderstanding before paimon spreads some nasty rumour. and sure, kaeya couldn’t care less about his reputation, but you cared about his

so you laugh at his misery and give him a quick peck on the lips before ducking under his arm and exiting the library

kaeya would be a little stunned at your move on him, but he was well aware of your cheeky side. for the rest of the day, he would declare war on you, trying to get you flustered again (bc its funny and cute). he’d do things like cooling his skin when you accidently touch him, standing way too close to you in group discussions and !! breathing down your neck (bc mans has cold breath) and just generally looking at your direction  

you’d fight back bc he’s being ridiculous, winking when you caught him staring, squeezing his hand when he walks past and jokingly avoiding his attempts to get you in private

bc i mean, there was a dragon terrorising the world so romance shouldn’t be your first priority

a shame that kaeya thinks he’s all that and confident in his abilities that he’s like yes i can juggle saving the world and winning over my girlfriend in my sleep wym

when this silly “fight” is over, you finally let kaeya drag you into an alleyway, pressing you up against the wall and kissing you without words

and you smile into the kiss bc frustrated kaeya is so cute

and that’s the relationship, just a mix of pure fluff (bc kaeya really does care for you a lot), stupid banter and sexual tension!!

wow!

[ughhheragain]

Driven crazy | c.e. | HC

•• ask - i want to request Chris getting jealous&overprotective over his younger costar; he would notice how guys would always check her out even if they were with their girlfriends. He complains abt it to the other cast members & they tease him saying hes jealous but he just says hes overprotective since shes younger. She oblivious to the stares she gets&one day Chris kinda yells at her about it?? but like huh why is it her fault and hes yells out “well why do you have to be so beautiful all time!"

•• warnings : i actually made a second ending with a twist so lemme know if u want more ;)

• this movie was the first that would allow you to play alongside amazing and experienced actors such as Chris Evans and Ben Affleck

• now, of course the first few days on set were quite nerve wracking given that everyone already seemed to know each other pretty well

• but Chris as down-to-earth as he is didn’t waste any time to come introduce himself to you and show you around since he had the occasion to shoot a few scenes already

• he was pretty impressed how far you’ve had come already given your young age and that progressively pushed him to want to protect you

• as the day passed, he noticed how the guys on set would look at you, with desire in their eyes and that would start to trigger him a bit

• at first he’d remain silent, thinking that it wasn’t his place to say something because you didn’t owe him anything after all

• but, comments and comments would progressively add up and that would start to affect him

• even more given that you seemed to be completely oblivious to them, always acting all innocent and shit and that would drive him crazy

• on one afternoon, he eventually got fed up and went to meet his co-stars in the lunch room

• asking them to be serious for a second because there was something he needed to get out of his chest to get this over with

"Alright, so that’s about Y/N."

"Oh, Y/N," one would say which initiated the others to chuckle in unison, making Chris even more frustrated than he already was.

"Yes, Y/N," he had said which such a stern tone that everyone got silent. "I don’t like how you all look at her like she’s a piece of meat."

"Oh, you’re jealous?" "How cute, Evans got a new prey," another one would say which made his blood boil at the sound of the term the guy had used.

"Oh, come on Jim, you got a girlfriend for fuck’s sake and so do you Doug," Chris exclaimed but didn’t seem to make much impression on the guys who were still cracking inside jokes. "You can have her if you want, Evans. She’s all yours."

"Yes, promise we won’t lay a finger on her."

"The fuck you won’t, yes."

"Hey, hey there, no need to be agressive pal, we got it, you wanna have her all to yourself, we’ll respect that." At this point, Chris was fed up with their seemingly unreceptive attitudes.

"Good. And it’s not like that, she’s just- too young to be treated like that. Someone has to protect her," Chris let out which surprised himself.

"Ah, and that someone is you, right Captain?" his co-star joked but Chris was already leaving the room, clearly upset, "Oh, fuck off Jim."

• all he wanted to do in those situation was to grab you by the arm and drag you into his trailer and just let it all out

• tell you how upsetting it was to see this perfectly innocent look you’d always stick on your face when people would compliment you

• tell you that he had noticed how you’d glance at him knowing damn well what you were doing to him

• because ofc you had noticed his jaw clench and his arms cross on top of each other when you’d get compliments by all those men

• and you might have been enjoying it a little? maybe too much?

• the comments about your body, the makeup you’d have on that day or the clothes you would be wearing would put him in such a bad mood and he’d find himself clenching his jaw and fists without even realizing

"Ah, look who’s there," Chris heard a cameraman say to another to signal him of your presence. "Damn."

"I know right? Look at those legs."

• now Chris had also heard the guys and had turned around mid-task to witness you walking to your trailer in the fancy black dress you had been dreaming and waiting to wear for years

• but that’s at the sound of this words that Chris finally had had enough and just lost it

• he let go of whatever he was supposed to be doing at that moment and made his way to your trailer

• once he got at your door, he stopped to knock, almost impatient to just vent it all out to you

"Come in," you said with a sweet voice as you were looking at your reflection, trying to see if your makeup needed any final touches.

"We need to talk," Chris announced with a serious tone that made you turn around within a second to face him. He was visibly upset given his arms crossed on his chest as he was leaning against the wall.

• curious to hear what was so important to say that he had taken the time for a one-on-one meeting, you got up and walked closer to face him properly, ready to listen

"Sure, what’s up, Chris? Did i do something wrong?"

• the way you said his name almost made him forget his train of thought but the way you asked what you had done wrong so innocently helped putting him back on track

"This."

"This?"

"Yes! you always do that thing where you act so innocent and oblivious to things that are about you."

• at that point you were confused, like really

"Chris? I really don’t know what you’re talking about here."

"For real? Don’t you see that they want you? Are you really that stupid? It’s blatant and yet you don’t see it?"

"I- uh- well, is it my fucking fault though?" at this point you also had had enough because women being sexualized from a young age had always been a revolting and infuriating subject that you were trying to battle against day after day so this being brought up had just led you to snap, which took Chris by surprise but wasn’t enough to keep him from saying the next words.

"Well, why do you have to be so fucking beautiful all the time? - If you didn’t look like that then they wouldn’t look!"

• oh boy

"Is my fault if men just can’t keep it in their fucking pants? For real Chris this is disappointing, if I knew that that’s how you think then I would never-" you said about to turn around in disbelief but a firm but gentle grip on your forearm stopped you mid-track.

"Wait, I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant. At all. It’s not your fault at all I just said the wrong things but i’ve just been on the edge lately," Chris admitted as he locked his gaze in yours and regret could be detected in his eyes which made it impossible for you to be angry at him.

"Here," he added in the lowest but also most reassuring voice you’d heard in a long time, before pulling you into his arms.

• the hug was amazing you couldn’t deny that

• there was something about being enveloped in such big arms that were soothing and made you feel at peace as if you were shielded from any negativity our world holds

"Again, I’m sorry," he whispered as he laid a kiss on the top of your head before bringing back another subject with a giddy smile on, "And by the way, what was it that you were about to say back then?"

🦋 Alternative ending (might make a smutty part 2 for it just let me know!)

"We need to talk," Chris announced with a serious tone that made you turn around immediately to face him. He was visibly upset given his arms crossed on his chest as he was leaning against a wall.

• curious to hear what was so important to say that he had taken the time for a one-on-one meeting, you got up and walked closer to face him properly, ready to listen

"Sure, what’s up, Chris? Did i do something wrong?"

• the way you said his name almost made him forget his train of thought but the way you asked what you had done wrong so innocently helped putting him back on track

"This."

"This?"

"Yes! you always do that thing where you act so innocent and oblivious to things that are about you."

• at that point you were confused

"What are you talking about?"

"Don’t you see how the guys talk to you? about you? the way they fucking look at you?"

"I-I’ve never really gave it any attention to be honest," you had declared knowing damn well what reaction you were about to get from him.

• and boy you were right

"Really? Are you fucking kidding me? Don’t you think I’ve noticed how you glance at me when they’re all drooling over you?"

• you had chosen to remain silent and instead raise a brow and look him up and down with a defying smirk forming on your lips

• that was the last straw

• Chris marked a pause to look you straight in the eyes, trying to see if you were being serious or if he had lost his damn mind

• the boy was done with all these emotions fr

• that’s when you had decided to bite your lower lip that he understood what you were doing

• so he took a step closer to you and he immediately looked more intimidating than usual but you weren’t about to let him know

"So think that this game’s funny? Playing with my mind like that amuses you? That’s your thing, you’re the kind who like to tease, uh?"

• at each words, he’d take a step forward and you backwards until you’d finally hit the wall against you, trapping you between it and Chris’s body

"Come on, now, say something now that you have what you wanted," he said with a deep voice that sent shivers down your spine.

• his face was now so close to yours you could feel his breath

• but, this little distance had made you unable to speak and his eyes now had that dark tone that turned you on but also intimidated you so fucking much

"Cat’s got your tongue now?"

"I-I don’t know what you want me to say, Chris," admitting that made you frustrated because now Chris knew how he made you feel and that gave him power over you and you both knew it.

• and you were fucked

• but then, you felt his hand find its way to the side of your neck while his other arm hovered over you, allowing him to lean over you and support himself on the wall as well

"Then don’t say anything and let me lead cause I’ll give you something to say."

[worldwidemochiguy]

Paris (Soft! Yandere Yoongi)

➵ Yoongi cheers you up after you discover you’ve flunked out of college. Little do you know, it’s due to Yoongi’s interference that you had to leave in the first place…

➵ Warnings: Yandere behaviour, manipulation, deceit, unhealthy mindset, idealisation of unhealthy relationships, implied sex but no actual sex

➵ Word Count: 1.3K

➵ Masterlist for all my other fics <3

➵ a/n: thanks to anon who requested a yoongi fic where the reader is down abt something that she doesn’t know yoongi did, hope you enjoy!! and also happy 27th birthday to one of the 7 lights of my life 🤧 my yoongles boongles, my lil meow meow, my honey boy, i love you dearly even if it isn’t shown in my fic distribution 💀💜 

Once Yoongi hears a third sigh leave your lips, he knows something is wrong.

You had excused the first one as a mere exhale. It carelessly slipped out as your lips parted, you explained, not meeting his gaze. Yoongi had his suspicions, but he kept them to himself until they were aroused a second time. Your shoulders slightly slumped as you told him it was merely a repressed yawn. 

But a third time… a third time means something.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Yoongi asks, a slight note of worry permeating his voice. You — again — you sigh, and a fourth time has got to mean something, Yoongi frets-

“I just-” you interrupt yourself with yet another sigh and Yoongi can’t help but gather you into his arms gently. Your next words, though they are uttered into the soft fabric of his sweater, are still clearly audible to Yoongi. 

“I flunked out of college.” 

Yoongi stiffens for a moment, before forcing himself to relax again. When he had first approached your college professors, he had just wanted to check on the people who were meant to be teaching you, just to ensure they were all people he didn’t mind you being around. 

But, once he saw how handsome your surprisingly young literature professor was, and how fondly he spoke of you — Oh, Y/n’s the best student in my class… always willing to help other students… so kind… oh, you’re her boyfriend? she never mentioned you… — and before he knew it, he was telling the Dean to expel you or Yoongi would murder his entire family. 

Yoongi was glad you had been spending more of your time with him this week, and he was very glad he had saved you from that pervert of a teacher, but he hadn’t realised you would be this upset about it. Yoongi thought you would receive the news with a shrug and a smile, happy you would have more free time to spend with your beloved boyfriend. 

Yoongi certainly doesn’t regret his decision in any way, but a part of him feels bad that you are now quietly pretending not to cry into his chest while he rubs your back. 

“I just-” You make an aborted sob, “I tried so hard to study well and make you proud, but I’m just too dumb. I don’t deserve you, Yoongi. You should get a smarter girlfriend.” 

“Hey, hey, hey!” Yoongi wrenches your hands away from your tear-streaked cheeks, tilting your chin up so your wet eyes meet his. 

“Don’t ever talk like that about yourself.” Yoongi says sternly, before softening when your lower lip trembles. “Sweetheart… you aren’t dumb…” Yoongi deliberates for a moment over whether he should tell the truth or not. You really aren’t dumb, you had been doing exceedingly well in all your classes, it was only due to him that you had ‘failed’. 

But when you curl up and rest your head on his chest, Yoongi knows he can never reveal that he has broken your trust like that, and risk loosing you entirely. It is much better to have you like this, still innocent and temporarily upset. Yoongi will just have to cheer you up.

“I love you so much. You think bad grades will change that?” He questions, chuckling a little when he feels you give a weak nod. He strokes a hand down your hair, never forgetting to admire how soft it is, how soft you are, how lucky he is that you’re his. 

“Sweetheart, my baby, my perfect girl…” Yoongi coos at you, delighted when the nicknames prompt you to bat his chest weakly, flustered. “Nothing could overcome my love for you. Nothing. I’m never letting you go, sweetheart. We’re in this for life. You think you’ll need a degree when we’re on our honeymoon in the Bahamas?”

“The Bahamas?” You lift up your head to give him a querying look, and Yoongi feels his heart burst at how adorable and rumpled you look, your cheeks still rosy and slightly swollen. 

“It doesn’t have to be the Bahamas. We can go anywhere you want, sweetheart.”

“…Can we go to Paris?” You ask, a smile beginning to show in your voice even if your lips are still stuck in that cute pout.

Yoongi feels relief building in him. He has found a way to cheer you up, to distract you and stop you from asking questions about why you flunked college in the first place. 

“Paris? That’s a very romantic place, sweetheart. Are you trying to hint at something?” He raises his eyebrows at you in a mock-enquiry and your beautiful smile finally appears again, though you immediately hide it in his shirt.

“Maaaaaybe~” You giggle, and his heart skips a beat at the sound. “You were the one who brought up honeymoons in the first place.” 

“I’ve never hidden the fact that I want to marry you. I’d propose tomorrow if I got the right opportunity.” 

“Yoongi!” You scold him, pulling back properly to whack him on the chest. “You can’t just say that!”

“Why not?” Yoongi replies, stubbornly tugging you back into his embrace. “We both know it’s true. You’re mine, and I want it recognised by law.” You make an incomprehensible sound into his chest and he laughs again. “What?”

“You can’t just… say these things, oh my god. Don’t you have any shame?”

“Why would I be ashamed of my feelings for you?” His plain-spoken question makes you blush even more, pressing yourself into his chest so hard you feel like you could become one with it, just sink into his heart and stay there forever. 

“I just meant… you’re not meant to say you’re going to propose before you actually do it. It- it ruins the surprise.” 

“Well, I think that if you love someone enough to marry them, you should let them know you love them that much. I want you to know that I love you so deeply that marriage is an inevitable step we’re going to take. It shouldn’t be a surprise.”

“…”

“Oh no, are you sad again?” Yoongi asks, worried when you pull back with your eyes shining. 

“Oh, Yoongi…” You say, your voice thick, before wrapping your arms around his shoulders and going onto tiptoes to kiss him. 

He meets you halfway, immediately taking control of the kiss as he runs his tongue along the underside of your top lip, requesting entrance. You grant it to him and his arms come around your waist to steady you as your knees go weak, his tongue caressing yours so lovingly, so unquestionably caring that you can do nothing else but experience it.

“I love you.” You tell him breathlessly when the kiss is broken for a second, “I love you so much. I want to be your wife, someday. Soon. I want to be yours.”

“Sweetheart,” Yoongi growls, drawing you back into the kiss with a moan.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” You keep murmuring as he begins to trail kisses down your neck, sucking marks into your smooth skin. “I love- oh, Yoongi,” You moan as he runs his tongue over a particularly harsh bite. He groans as you pant above him, beginning to shake apart underneath his hands, his lips, his teeth.

“Fuck, sweetheart, keep saying my name like that. You don’t need anyone else other than me, right?” 

“No- oh, Yoongi - no one but you. I love you, I only need you.” 

And in this moment, it is true. You let go of all aspirations, all the dreams you used to hold so dear,  and you become solely orientated on Yoongi, on how he makes you feel, on how encompassing his love seems to be. 

As his hand finds yours and grips it tight — maybe just a little too tight — you forget why you were even sad about college. Your thoughts drift away as Yoongi leads you to the bedroom. I wonder if he’ll propose in Paris, you muse distantly. 

[c0rpsedemon]

i am curious, as someone who’s only exposure to arthurania was reading jane yolen’s young merlin as a child, would you mind saying why hnoc is a bad adaptation? i’m super curious but no worries if not <3

this has been sitting in my inbox for months bc i kept telling myself i needed to write a full essay with proof from medieval lit to make myself feel smarter.  however, since i’ve recently lost all credibility bc i can’t articulate points to save my life, and since i’ve realized that i could answer this in a just a couple paragraphs, now seems like the right time to answer this ask. sorry for the wait.

under a cut bc length

also warnings for mentions of racism bc this is hnoc we're talking abt and sexual assault bc this is med lit we're also talking abt

the basic problems are pendragon polycule itself, the story beats of the album, the fridging and lack of characterization of morgan le fay, the clear influence of pop culture arthuriana, and whatever the fuck happened with gawain/e.

pendragon polycule is... just not a good take.  there’s a bit in the lancelot-grail abt arthur viewing lancelot like a son (and lancelot not giving a shit abt him).  also arthur knew his parents for years before lancelot was even born.  plus lancelot just Doesn’t care abt him and i can’t stress this part enough.  arthur repeatedly tries to have guinnevere killed, mostly in the lancelot-grail, and guinn didn’t really have any say in marrying him bc she was a teenager.  lancelot and guinnevere is a lot better but that’s not saying much.  guinn doesn’t exactly treat lancelot too well... like at all, BUT it’s not intrinsic to their relationship and is completely caused by medieval misogyny and i’m all in favor of modern retellings saying fuck that.  but also lancelot has multiple pseudo-canon boyfriends (this is med lit after all), and one pseudo-canon husband so like... there were better options.  (also lancelot’s husband is basically in a lavender marriage with guinnevere’s maybe girlfriend who most authors just eventually forget abt as the story progresses).

this next one is a problem with a lot of modern arthurian works bc the inclusion of elayne of astolat is too much to ask apparently.  the grail quest isn’t tied to the fall of camelot, it just happens to be one of the last grand adventures the knights of the round table have.  the event that traditionally sets off the fall is the death of the maiden of astolat/the lady of shalott/elayne of escolat/she has a lot of names, her story has a few variations but usually she either is cursed to stay in a tower and weave and only be able to see the outside world through a mirror positioned across from her window, until lancelot rides by and she rushes to see him out of the actual window and her mirror shatters, setting off her death, or she lives with her father and brothers and takes care of lancelot bc he was injured for a time and she gets to go on adventures to find him and she’s friends with gawaine and she dies bc lancelot rejects her and this version’s a lot more fun but also more happens which makes it harder to explain.  the way her story ends however, is that she dies after she makes arrangements for a glorious boat to drift from astolat to camelot carrying nothing but her dead body and a letter explaining that she died of love for lancelot du lac and the court mourns the death of such a beautiful and young maiden (her age varies a lot but i’ve always read her as a young teenager at most).  but the important thing is, camelot is doomed from the moment she washes up on its shore bc she’s an omen of the end and has symbolic meaning and all that, the maiden of astolat washes up on camelot’s shores, the court mourns the loss of a maiden in her prime and she marks the end of camelot’s prime as well, morgan le fay reappears after being presumed dead and warns arthur of guinnevere and lancelot’s affair, aggravaine and modred conspire to bring lancelot and guinnevere’s affair to light, they succeed but lancelot escapes, guinnevere is to be burnt at the stake and lancelot rescues her, killing aggravaine, gaheris and gareth (gawaine’s brothers) in the process, gawaine drags his uncle and camelot to war bc he was driven mad due to the loss of his brothers, lancelot accidentally kills gawaine, his best friend and maybe boyfriend (i have RECEIPTS), and gawaine forgives him on his detahbed while lancelot and guinn rejoin arthur, meanwhile modred, who practically had the throne handed to him, usurps and invites the saxons in, camlann happens, and camelot is destroyed.  no where in there is the grail quest.

morgan le fay is honestly the most questionable part of the album bc there’s not a single text where she dies.  like....  at least with eurydice in udad she died in the original... there’s no basis for morgan dying.  also she is NOT modred’s mother and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar, she interacts with him once in the vulgate bc she had three of her nephews over and that’s IT.  it’s a horrible take which originated in the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley who is an honest to god monster for reasons i don’t want to trigger tag this post for.  also she’s one of the most dynamic and thought-out characters in the entire canon and they just made her a watered down morgause (modred’s actual mother, morgan’s sister, canonical milf)... there was no reason for it to be her apart from the fact that she’s more well known......

pop culture arthuriana is,,, one of my least favorite things.  no, morgan wasn’t modred’s mother, no, morgause wasn’t abusive but her husband sure was implied to be, no, aggravaine didn’t kill his mother, that was gaheris, he loved his mother, you’re only saying that bc he has a reputation as the “evil” orkney, no, the once and future king is not a good descriptor for arthur, stop making me read it, no, morgause wasn’t the one to initiate the thing with arthur resulting in modred, no, lancelot and arthur weren’t friends, no, tristan wasn’t a self-centered asshole, tennyson is a fucking liar, no, galahad didn’t have sex or want to, he’s one of the first ever explicitly asexual characters out there, no, galahad’s conception was NOT consensual, lancelot was tricked, and no, elayne of astolat wasn’t galahad’s mother, she’s implied to be younger than him.  those are just the big glaring ones, but i swear it’s bc of arthuriana’s reputation as a mythology and the connotations belonging to that word (no one true canon (which is true but there are still things that just AREN’T canon, not completely written down, passed by oral tradition) that causes ppl to see mediocre modern texts and go “oh. well this is abt as close to the original as i’m going to get” and don’t bother to look into so much as malory (who i only name bc he’s one of the most well known medieval authors with the most commonly used storylines, don’t read malory kids, he’s a mediocre-at-best writer even by medieval standards).  the big perpetrators of modern arthurian tropes are the books the once and future king by th wh*te, who is a shitty person and lets it bleed into his writing (which isn’t like... nice to read or anything, seriously why do ppl love this book so much it doesn’t have redeeming qualities), and the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley (it’s poorly written, the story is a mess, and mzb is honestly a monster and one google search will tell you that), and unfortunately the writings of tennyson, which are mostly good but he clearly didn’t read the povest (a later text that’s also my favorite, known for significantly improving ppl’s opinions on tristan, isolde and co.) before deciding he hated both tristan and isolde and he has HORRIBLE takes on them.  high noon over camelot is SEEPED in pop culture arthuriana and i think it would have been so much better if the band had read so much as a SUMMARY of the events of le morte.  it’s evident in the song “the once and future king” bc it’s,,,, literally named after one of the worst books in existence.  it’s shown in the morgan le fay thing, and it’s shown in the pendragon polycule thing.  and hell, i think you can even explain away the lack of elayne of astolat with pop culture arthuriana, bc ppl have had bad takes on her ever since th wh*te combined her character with that of ela*ne of corbenic, and the band probably went “huh, let’s write lancelot’s abuser out of this” and they would’ve been right to do so if that’s who elayne of astolat was.

the final big issue is gawaine, the closest thing the genre has to a protagonist, he’s pretty much canon bi and, in some texts, arospec, he’s a dashing knight of great reknown and he derails every romance to steal hearts, commit murder, and make out with every knight and lady mentioned.  and in hnoc he’s... racist.  that’s it.  it’s,,, almost completely unfounded by the arthurian canon and shows a major misunderstanding of his motivations (like i said earlier, he wants to avenge his brothers bc there’s a reoccuring motif of how much the orkneys value family).  i say almost bc in one text it’s his motivations for killing palomydes but i’ve never heard it mentioned by name bc that’s just what it’s known for.  most arthuriana fans just look away from it except when critiquing hnoc but that one text is an outlier, shouldn’t be counted, and i highly doubt the mechs made hnoc gawain how he is bc they found this text.  it’s just a bad text.

hnoc has,,, quite a few more minor issues, such as villainized ladies of the lake (their ONLY crimes were sealing away merlin bc he tried to assault teenage nimue/ninniane (proto-nimue/vivianne from the vulgate), and that one time vivviane/ninniane kidnapped adopted baby lancelot), assigning brain to merlin (y’know,,, the predator who helped arrange the [redacted] of arthur’s mother and tried to assault a teenager,,,) although merlin is portrayed in a positive light throughout modern arthuriana so i don’t think they knew, giving a song to pellinore, who my perception of has been forever altered bc i was introduced to him through malory and the explanation of torre’s conception, which you can just look up “sir torre arthurian” to find out abt if you can’t just Guess, if they wanted a song abt the questing beast palomydes was Right There AND has been associated with the questing beast for longer, but once again i don’t think they knew.

also namedropping a bunch of knights in the fiction is... it Suggests a bigger world full of all these other stories but they just don’t work bc the world of hnoc wasn’t designed in a way where the appearance of half these characters would make sense.  like,, tristan is referenced as dying in the grail quest in the same sentence as bedevere (one of the characters who is known for almost always surviving), but tristan Isn’t one of the knights who dies on the grail quest, his possible deaths (ignoring the potentially happy ending of the povest for a second) are either being murdered by his uncle, king mark (bc mark married tristan’s gf to try and get tristan killed and also to spite him), bc he was driven into a fury bc of tristan and isolde’s affair, or he’s injured and only isolde (the best healer in the world) can save him so he sends for her and if the ship he sent for her is supposed to fly white sails if she’s there, or black sails if she’s not, and the ship flies white sails but his wife (also named isolde) says it’s black sails (the why depends but usually comes down to jealousy), and so he gives up bc he thinks all hope is lost and usually succumbs to his injuries, either way isolde dies of a broken heart over his body.  there’s no way for the tristan and isolde story to play out like it’s supposed to in the world of hnoc, just as there’s no way for any story with gawaine (and Oh Boy are there a lot of stories with gawaine) or pretty much anyone else, without severely altering the canon.

of course, there are still parts of hnoc i like a lot, most of the music i adore and i just like the idea of space cowboys and the secret good hnoc that lives in my head.  and it has one of my favorite characterizations of galahad, even though galahad hnoc is nothing like galahad arthuriana.  it’s not GOOD but i like it and it’s fun to turn my brain off too, and i’ll always value it as my introduction to arthuriana.

also there are modern arthurian tropes i do like such as characters being genre-savvy/knowing they’re fictional/knowing they’ve done this before (which hnoc does wonderfully!) and bedevere-as-the-storyteller (everyone say thank you lord tennyson).

WOW that was longer than expected, i feel very passionately abt this, when i was planning to write a fully sourced essay i meant to include a bit at the bottom with recommendations to get into better arthuriana and i think i’ll keep that in this post.

if you like hnoc for the arthurian music i’d like to suggest heather dale’s arthurian music to you, she does occasionally fall into the trap of modern arthuriana (some parts of lancelot and arthur being close, morgan as modred’s mother), sometimes she’s just wrong (galahad at lancelot’s trial, a lot of tristan and isolde), and her stuff is kinda straightwashed sometimes (sir gawain and the green knight, for example) but i’d be lying if it wasn’t catchy, and it’s not quite as bad as hnoc adaptation-wise.  culwch and olwen is pretty accurate (albeit abridged bc culwch and olwen has SO many tangents), as is lily maid (it’s abt elayne of astolat!).

if you liked hnoc for king arthur... in space! then may i recommend to you my own fanfic? it's not posted yet but the second i finish writing the first chapter i'm going to make a Big Deal out of it that'll be impossible to miss!

if you want to learn abt arthuriana through tumblr-osmosis like i did at first, i’d like to recommend the love of my life @acegalahads, first and foremost (it’s me on a sideblog i’m just obsessed with myself), and i can’t recommend my arthuriana mutuals over there, @/gringolet, @/merlinenthusiast, @/jcbookworm, @/elayneofshalott, and @/elaineofascolat (the elayne urls have been popular recently), also i know for a fact that my mutual-in-law, @/itonje makes great arthuriana posts that i look forwards to whenever i open the tag.

here are a few good reference posts, a quick guide to the characters, a guide to characters of color, and a much more comprehensive intro to arthuriana post with even more texts linked to it.

if you want to ease into med lit, i’d like to introduce you to pre-raphaelite poetry, alfred lord tennyson and william morris are my favorites, although tennyson can’t be trusted with tristan and isolde.  the poem the lady of shalott is basically a rite of passage for arthuriana fans, although when it comes to tennyson’s writings abt elayne of astolat, i prefer lancelot and elaine, which is part of his much larger story, idylls of the king.  for morris, don’t trust what he says abt aggravaine killing his mother, but my favorites of his are sir galahad, a christmas mystery, which sounds like a shitty disney sequel, and palomyde’s quest, which i blame for my love of palomydes (that and the one bit of the povest where he asks tristan to be his greatest enemy and that he wants nothing more, gay ppl,,,,).

if you want to read abt lancelot and his husband, there’s the lancelot-grail cycle, which i believe was taken off of archive dot org and i think i found it on @/tobeisexhausting’s blog but don’t quote me on that.

the povest, which was a religious experience for me and i can’t reccomend enough if you want to like tristan and isolde, is here, i don’t know who scanned it but i think i found it on @/lanzelet’s blog

the dutch texts are just good in general, here’s a link to their section of a(n unfinished) site for hosting various texts by my former mutual @/reynier (who’s no longer on tumblr).  i’d like to recommend lancelot and the white hart specifically bc it’s mainly just just gawaine being gay for lancelot.

if you want older works, here’s my scan of the history of the kings of britain, and here’s culwch and olwen and pa gur.

oh wow this is even longer than i thought it would be so i’m going to wrap this up by saying that i always love to talk abt arthuriana more than anything if you have any questions or just are curious!

[damnfinecup]

♠

For every ♠ I receive, I will post a headcanon about my muse!BONUS: Specify a topic and I’ll make it about that topic!

( beats fists on table )  DALE ! BARTHOLOMEW ! COOPER ! IS ! CHAOTIC ! GOOD ! AT ! BEST !

i made a post a bit earlier abt this perception of dale that he’s a cinnamon roll, and like.  it bothers me so much.  but i also totally get it because i used to feel the same until i read my life, my tapes.  however:  even if you have been only introduced to the show, putting dale under the category of lawful good is Horrendous and Shameful, how very dare of u.  in the show i could understand someone maybe thinking he’s neutral good, but he’s totally chaotic good, and tbh as a kid and growing up he was probably even on the chaotic neutral side cause he was Wild AF.  every time this happens i clench my fist and run through an itemized list of everything fbi special agent dale cooper has ever done to completely contradict this.  off the top of my head:

he broke into a girl’s sexual/reproductive education class, and his reasoning was For Science

he spies on his best friend’s / neighbor’s sister, marie schlurman (MARIE IS SO IMPORTANT !!!) through her open curtains, making special note to his recorder when she’s naked, and other general shenanigans that comes with spying on young girls

he got mad when a girl he liked ended up dating another girl, and got Real Extra, Real Quick.  he considered:  poisoning himself to get her attention, lighting her house on fire while everyone was out of the house before offering her a place to stay at his home, just straight up lighting the rival girlfriend’s house on fire, or forget the girl and become a better boy scout.  “Each plan has merit, and risk.  Though all, I believe, will be very satisfying in the end.”

then he just blew up the rival girlfriend’s mailbox because nothing is a better time than hate crimes when you’re an angsty 15 year old

it’s implied that he poisoned the food of a rival boy scout’s group when they were terrorizing his troop.  he was pleased to announce:  “The Nazis suffered a mysterious case of food poisoning.  Much vomiting and retching could be heard all last night.  Never slept better.”

he doesn’t like birds because he was attacked by one one time, so he killed a crow for no apparent reason, and proceeded to have an existential crisis (aka the quote from my promo lmao)

instead of just going home with his boy scout troop after their jamboree-thing, he decided Fuck The Bus, and he went on a mini adventure over three days where he traveled home by himself, primarily spending his time with some drugged-up hippy lesbians.  “I am driving.  I do not have a license.  I have never driven before, and am driving around in a vehicle that I believe could put a drugstore out of business.  April said I would do just fine and kissed me very long and hard.  If caught, will probably spend most of my life in jail.  Strangely, I do not seem to care.  It has stopped raining.  April and Star are under the pyramid in a sleeping bag making love.”  they stopped and camped outside, the two girls were high, and dale got really drunk while april ran around naked and star slept on a rock.

there’s the july fourth fiasco with marie where they ran through the woods stripping, started messing around, but then the forest caught on fire from the fireworks

he said Fuck School, and got his GED instead of bothering even starting his junior year of high school, and proceeded to fuck off to Who Knows Where for 3 fucking years at the age of 16 ??  dale’s dad is chaotic too like tf ya lettin a 16 yr old boy just walk off with $1,000 in his pocket on a soul-search.  what kind of advice is “watch out for bad water and snakes.”  got me messed up, no wonder dale is too

literally all we know about this time period is that he traveled far and wide, and needed a ship ??  boi

the two choices he gave himself after he got back were:  join the circus or start college.  he looked into the circus and they didn’t really want him.

he went to haverford (all boys) and constantly hung around bryn mawr (all girls), got naked and drunk at a bryn mawr party, and then snuck off to have sex in the grass with a girl and barely didn’t get caught

he started dating that girl and she was married and he kept dating her anyways until she broke up with him lmao

he went to new york city and got chased around by robbers, then by a jealous boyfriend of an artist, then by cops and protesters.  he ended up in jail for the night.

he went to vegas and started card counting and got kicked out of a casino

then he met a girl who loved coffee and he was smitten but she was celibate and all he talked about was when she was going to Not Be That Way.  he never pressured her, but the reason she was celibate was because she had insecurities she had to fix about her relationship with her mother.  ends up her mom had slept with her last boyfriend.  

long story short:  dale almost slept with her mother

almost only because his girlfriend set the house on fire and interrupted

despite finding out she was an arsonist, he wholly welcomed her when she said she was ready to have sex.  while in the driver’s seat of the car.  they ended up breaking the seat and turning off the parking break, sending them down the hill.

then she went to the psychiatric hospital because maybe arsonists aren’t mentally doin too hot (hahahahahahahahhaha kill me)

skipping ahead and relevant to the way he treats his lovers:  CAROLINE EARLE…….  HIS PARTNER’S WIFE.  ALSO MARRIED.  

the sanctimony of marriage:  hey dale could you not

dale:  new phone who dis

even in the show he ogles audrey and the only reason they weren’t a Thing is for reasons related to real life:  i.e. Lara Flynn Boyle dating Kyle Maclachlan at the time and getting jealous, so literally dale’s positive character development was only caused by LFB being a controlling girlfriend ???  so here’s my uncertain thanks, i guess, lara lol

he has no qualms with the bookhouse boys, literally a group of vigilantes

there was also the whole part where he was suspended from the FBI, i mean

anyways this list is already too long but honestly calling coop lawful anything is wildly inaccurate.  tbh he sort of just joined the FBI because it was where he was being called to more in a destined way because he clearly has trouble with the morality of upholding laws that are unjust in his moral compass (he grew up during Vietnam, and his brother fled to Canada, he saw a man arrested at his school for dodging the draft; he had personal experience with how the law was shitty before he ever signed up).  the only reason, imo, dale makes a “good” agent is due to his personality often working well with the role, his goals often align, but he doesn’t actually………  seem to care that much what others deem good, let alone the law.  he just does what he thinks is right or AT LEAST okay because he’s kind of morally dubious at times (thus i think chaotic good-neutral flux is the best alignment for him).