#like explain how i went to bed at 1 last night woke up at noon today n somehow only got five hours of sleep. not consecutive

[sandsucks]

when i get proper sleep….i will be a changed man i promise

[bornzmusic]

Happy Birthday

Today is your birthday. You couldn’t even tell me anything to convince me I’d be sitting here writing this 7 days ago. 7 days ago I hadn’t even thought of you much for the past 4 years. 7 days ago I woke up, my only day off. I slept in till noon. I woke up with this longing for you, I felt it in my bones. How could I possibly still miss you? I layed in bed last Saturday with all my lights and clothes off. I layed there till 5 or 6 just thinking about you. At first I told myself I wasn’t going to give this thought much time but it would feel nice to remember what it was like to be held by you. From what was 5 minutes turned into 5 hours and I went from almost half a decade of never thinking of you to everything all at once. I fell asleep that night replaying all these memories stuffed so far down inside me I didn’t even think I had them. To no surprise I didn’t sleep much that night. I woke up again the next day, again I had felt the same way but even stronger. I felt it consuming me. I told myself, ok you have 2 days to think about this and come back to reality. So that’s what I did. Thought about you. To no surprise again, I was getting less sleep than the night before. Last night I think I slept 1-2 hours. 

Here I am with my eyes burning and letting my fingers take over my body. Each day I grow more anxious. This morning I woke up with my head over the toilet. I didn’t think I could ever feel like this again. The last time I felt like this was maybe 7 years ago? I didn’t think you could still make me feel like this. How do you do it? How do you still have the same effect on me as you did 12 years ago? I hadn’t even given you so much as a passing thought when a song came on or I drove past the old places we used to go to. I usually will think about you for no more than 5 seconds and go about my day. I would have dreams about you here and there. For years, they would come and go. Each time, waking up confused as to why was this happening. You know what they say though, if you dream of someone it means they are thinking about you. I knew no matter how much time passed I was always going to dream of you. I’m not sure if it’s because my subconscious thinks we have unresolved business or if we are connected in all these lifetimes. 

But not once did I let you consume me. I had a great track record and I thought for a while what was a childhood crush was just that. How do you hold this power over me? How are we able to be silent for years and yet here I am feeling like a little kid. You make me feel like a teenage girl all over again. My stomach is turning and my mind can’t shut off. Why? My life is so wonderful and I’m content with the person I’m with. I mean what more can I ask for? He does everything I could need and more. I love my life now. So why is there still a burning hole in my heart where I once left space for you? Why is it taking over my entire body? Why do I feel unfulfilled without you here? Am I just feeling sad for us and our story? Do I just like the anonymity of you? My brain can’t shut off. I think we would be better friends now than ever. 

You would think I’m so different all while being the same. I don’t even cry much. I haven't even cried about this at all. I don’t even remember the last time I cried besides two nights ago when I was sitting at a table with some friends sharing a story about my past and it made them laugh so hard we were silent and crying. I wish you could’ve seen that moment. I needed to laugh so hard I cried. I don’t even know how to explain what I’m like. Calm maybe? God I’m falling asleep writing this. I’ve been thinking about what you’re like now? Are you still the boy with the brightest smile in the room? What car do you drive? How is your gluten allergy? Is Minnie still around? I’d be devastated if not. What do you like to eat? What is your favorite color? Who are your friends? Did you go to school? Where do you work? Do you still call your mom Ma? What do you like to do in your free time? 

I can piece some things together on my own. Your new girl looks beautiful and kind. I love seeing you happy. Usually this news would seem like something I’d feel sorrowful over. But I don’t even feel that at all. I feel at peace knowing you are in good hands. She really seems lovely. You’d probably make fun of me for being with someone younger than me. You and I both understand why we couldn’t be friends. It ruined too many of your lovers. I can’t help but feel responsible for the last 2 relationships of yours ending. I feel sad for those girls. I couldn’t stand myself for a while. I know what they had felt all too well. You would laugh at how my other relationship ended. But that’s another story for another time. One I would have to tell you in person. 

We never got the timing right did we? We always seemed to just miss each other? As long as I’ve known you, you have been in the arms of another. Some of them are my friends, some of them complete strangers. I’ve always been preoccupied too I guess. It’s scary how similar we are sometimes. Yet so different. Here I am, silently celebrating you on your birthday every year. Don’t think I have once forgotten. I always have celebrated you and I always will. Whether you hear from me or not, I will always do that for you. 24. You are 24. That means I have known you for half your life, and each day after this is more than. As I sit here thinking about your 24 years of life, I think about what I remember about you. 

What do you remember? Do you remember walking through our 7th grade English teachers classroom and locking eyes with me. What I would do to rewind time. Do you remember getting seated at the same table as me? Of course you struck up a conversation with me. I don’t even remember what it was about but it certainly made me laugh. We even got in trouble for talking too much. Do you remember laying your head in between my lap at lunch time and I’d run my hands through your hair? Do you remember falling asleep on FaceTime and lighting shit on fire and your mom coming in to yell at you? Do you remember us playing blink 182 on the computer in my room? Do you remember walking with me home most days and spending afternoons at my house even when you could ride your skateboard home and be home in a couple minutes. Or when we would go to our mutual friends house and we watched stupid movies like sharknado and you snuggled up behind me under the blankets? That became our routine. Walk home from school, get into my bed and cuddle while watching a show or movie. 

Do you remember trying to hold my hand every time we left my front door? You just said “let’s hold hands” and at the time I didn’t think anything more of it. God how I was so naive looking back now. I was convinced you didn’t even like me a single bit considering all I ever saw you was with my friends or other girls. Do you remember getting up in the middle of the night trying to look for me to give me your sweat pants but I was at someone else’s house and they had locked me in a bathroom and took my pants? I tried explaining that, but I think I was under the influence. I apologize for being incoherent. You still continued to look for me as if I was home. You ended up falling asleep in your moms car and you were late to math class the next day waiting for a response from me. You walked up to me the next day in our school hallways trying to get answers and I said “don’t worry about it.” And I tried to walk past you but you grabbed my arm and spun me around to look you in the eyes to tell me “well I am going to worry about it because I care about you.” I think I just rolled my eyes and walked away. 

Do you remember me making eggs for you on toast? You acted like it was the best thing you’ve ever tasted. I still think about you when I make eggs. Do you remember I left school for months. And one day you texted me “when are you coming back I miss you” and I said “tomorrow”. How did you know? This is why I think we are connected. I think you thought I was joking, but the next day I was in your very same class. We actually sat through that entire class without you realizing I was there. I just remained silent and watched you from the other side of the classroom. I remember the day I came back to school was the day there was a test assigned. I got up from my seat to turn it in to our teacher and I remember you sat right next to his desk. I said thank you to our teacher and you looked up and our eyes locked. You started giggling because you couldn’t believe it. I think I just said “I told you” and walked back to my seat. 

Days passed and we were still friends. You were a shit head sometimes but nonetheless friends. Do you remember FaceTiming me and my friend and you were drinking. You both were flirting. You ended up showing her parts of you on the screen. Forgetting I was on the other side too. I remember you asking me one day if I had seen it. You looked nervous. I lied and said no. You laughed in relief and said “good.” I remember a rumor getting spread around that someone saw us kiss on the way home from school. God I have never felt more embarrassed because that could not be anything father from the truth. I remember being in Mr Hill's class and he overheard this and just kept encouraging us to be together. He goes “oh you are perfect for each other”. He loved to embarrass me. My cheeks turned red and I tried convincing him that you and I were just friends. He just kept teasing me about it. What did he know about us? Could he feel it too? I remember friends coming up to always ask if we were something, I would always laugh and deny these claims. Because again you were always with a girl. I don’t even think I knew I liked you at that moment. Do you remember leaving your jackets at my house? Somehow they never returned to you? I tried so many times and you kept leaving without it. I’ll be honest, I slept with it for a while. 

I remember you telling me you were leaving to move to Oregon. I honestly thought you were joking and couldn’t even fathom a world without you here. I mean you were a big reason why I continued to go to that school. The days crept up too fast and you were leaving. I remember it was your last day. It was on Halloween I think or maybe a few days before. You texted me asking if I was still at school and I said yes and you told me where to meet you. I think I ran to you. You took the books from my hands and picked me up and spun me. You held me close to your chest and my legs were wrapped around you with my head nuzzled into your neck. Who knows what we said to each other. I can’t remember. All I remember is walking away and feeling the earth move beneath me. The feeling of missing you had never been stronger than that moment it seemed. 

I remember the day you left. I counted down every second. I could tell the girl I was friends with at the time, had a crush on you. She could see the way you looked at me though. She became resentful towards me over time. She hated the fact that after all this time you still were thinking about me. She hated that you trusted me. She hated me out of jealousy. I could see and understand now how she was so insecure. She started bullying me, she told me you had left when you didn’t. I was upset she took time away from me with you. I don't think she could’ve stood to watch us hug again. She started making up lies and stories about me to make herself feel better about herself. I just let her. You can’t win a battle against someone who is constantly losing with themselves. She hated whenever she brought around a guy she liked, we ended up getting along better. I can see why she was so mean towards me now. I see why she felt threatened. At the time I didn’t understand. She made her friends throw crinkled up balls at me in the school hallway. She hated my effortless understanding of life and the people around me. She hated that I was always calm and quiet and she couldn’t stop being loud. It all makes sense now when I put together the pieces. 

After you left I remember you were driving to Oregon I think. You texted me all these things. I thought you were being silly per usual. I remember you texting me “let’s just text each other like we are dating” and you said the cutest things to me. I giggled the whole time not thinking much of it. I continued to sleep with your jacket. It brought me comfort because it smelt like you. Eventually I had to wash it because I wore it too much. But I was so sad to no longer have that. Every now and then I come across a person who smells exactly like you, my memories of you will flood my head for those seconds. I remember you telling me not to worry for you would be back in the summer and for some holidays. Do you still come and visit ? Sometimes I pretend you are here for a few weeks in the summer secretly hoping I’d run into you or pull up to the same stop light and we would look over at each other and smile. I sometimes wish I could just see you in the flesh, I don’t even have to talk to you. To see you existing would be enough. I would think about all those times in middle school where you take photos of me. Do you still have those? I remember you sending me one of them years later and not believing you had kept that same photo on your phone. Do you remember when I went to New York and brought you and only you a present. You loved the giant Rice Crispy and the Statue of Liberty headband I gave you. You had the biggest smile. You said this was the best gift you had ever gotten. I don’t think at that moment you knew you were giving me the best gift I’ve ever received right back to me. Your happiness and your smile. 

Do you remember seeing me in the food court of our local mall and running to pick me up and spin me? Why did we always do that? Do you remember you picking me up to hug you and I wrapped myself around you for the first time and telling me that was the best hug you’ve ever gotten? Time passed and the distance between us was even further. You were adjusting to your new life all while mine was crumbling in front of me. I left that little friend group. One girl had a crush on me and the other girl was mad at her for liking me. They would fight about me. In front of me. Again here she was jealous that another person close to her was more intrigued by me than her. I decided to remove myself as that friendship no longer served me and it felt like she kept me close to keep an eye on me. Time after time she liked all these boys and they just ended up liking me. I didn’t ask for that. But I couldn’t repair the damage she did when she took precious moments away from me when it came to you. That’s where I gave up. I eventually left that school once again. I had forgotten about my entire life there. 

I met up with one of our old friends and she had asked me how you were. I told her I didn’t know because we didn’t talk. She was confused. She thought we were so close, I think she said something along the lines of “oh I always thought you two were good together” I said “really?” Shocked and confused. She said “yes you both have the same eyes.” I thought about that very sentence for months. I thought about that picture of you as a little boy in your baseball uniform. I think it was on a button if I can remember. Time passed and you were adjusting to your new life. I heard one person tell me you had a girlfriend. I didn’t think anything of it, just good for him. I hope he’s happy. More time passed and eventually you showed up in our hometown. I hadn’t heard from you in a while. You FaceTimed me one night to ask to see me and you were with those friends that I had left. I don’t think you knew what happened at least to the full extent. I could hear them in the background laughing and saying hurtful things and my heart sank further into my chest. I hung up. I remember texting you to please stop and what you did was very hurtful and to not contact me again. I had blocked you from my life. 

I was relieved to be honest. I just wanted the past in the past and to get away from those people. I think after that a few months passed and I realized I had feelings for you I couldn’t deny. I told myself in a year from now, if I still felt how I did about you I would tell you. I mean I gave myself a whole year to let those feelings go and yet they only grew stronger each day. I remember one night I couldn’t take it anymore. I had been losing sleep like I am today. I had to tell you. So I did and I didnt know you had a girlfriend at that time but I know you had to let me down easily. You told me you always considered me to be a good friend and honestly I wasn’t sad or anything about that. I didn’t even want anything from it. I just wanted you to know so I didn’t live in regret forever. Honestly after that I felt so free. I felt a weight off of me and I hadn’t thought about you any day after that. 

A few months pass by and summer comes around. I don’t think I even knew you were coming. I had gotten back from a friend's house and was about to go back out to teepee a neighbor's house with my sister and her friends. I received a phone call from you asking me if you wanted to hang out. I said yes, me and my sister and her friends were going out to teepee so you should come. You headed to my house. It’s like we picked up right where we left off. You were more quiet than usual though. I picked up on that. We were headed out the door when you said you had forgotten your shoes in my room. I said no worries and I’ll wait for you at the door. You told me to come with you, so I did. I remember you stood in front of me and just wrapped your entire body around me and hugged me for what seemed like a lifetime. At that moment time was standing still. I could feel how warm you were and what your heartbeat sounded like. I melted under your touch. You took me and we fell onto my bed. Just like old times. 

I remember you closed your eyes and laid on me for a while. To be honest I was just happy to be near you. I wasn’t expecting anything at all. I thought you had fallen asleep. You started to move your head little by little. Your lips eventually made its way to match with mine and you locked yourself onto me. Do you remember unbuttoning my pants and shoving your hand down. We continued to make out and I felt you needed more. Do you remember getting in your car and driving to the park after you said you wanted to get out of here. Do you remember fucking me on that park bench? Do you remember coming to my house day after day and pinning me against the wall in my bedroom and biting my lip? Do you remember breathing heavily down my neck as you kissed it and bit on my earlobe? Do you remember making your lips down my torso to rip off my pants and throw me onto my bed? I remember you kissing in between my thighs and shoving your fingers in me. I remember you throwing me around my bed. The same one we had become friends in. You would pin me down and pull my hair. Do you remember choking me while slamming yourself against me? Do you remember pulling me up on you? You stood up and would fuck me in the mirror. You would put me down and bury my face into the mattress while you brought your hips to meet mine. Do you remember playing Pink Floyd on your brother's record player? Which you had left yet another piece of you at my house. Do you remember taking naps all summer afternoon? Do you remember going with my sister to the grocery store to pull me aside into an abandoned aisle to stick your hands down my pants and start fingering me? 

Do you remember me sitting in the passenger seat of your dads Cadillac suv and holding my hands wherever we drove? Do you remember kissing me at all the red lights? Do you remember tracing my face with your fingertips lightly. I pretended I was asleep. Do you remember kissing my face for what seemed a billion little times. Do you remember driving to Malibu and we stopped on the side of the road to look at the sunset? You put me on your back and you ran down the sandy beach into what felt like a dream. Do you remember bringing me into your grandparents house on 32nd street I think and pushing me onto the bed to eat me out? Do you remember gently kissing me on the forehead and telling me you don’t know what you would do without me? Do you remember kissing me in the doorway each time you had to go back home? Do you remember taking me to the park by my house and laying me in your lap? I remember looking up at you, you were on your phone. You showed me something on your phone and a text popped up from a girl saying “I miss you”. I kept quiet because it honestly didn’t bother me but who am I to know who that was? My friends had suspicions and I had told them to check your finsta from my account to see if you had a girlfriend. I couldn’t bear to know what was the truth. I didn’t want to see it. I still can’t look at your social media to this day. So much time had passed from when I heard you had a girlfriend I didn’t want to create assumptions and think the worst. Part of me just wanted to hold on to this fairytale for a little while longer. My friend had looked at me and said “I’m not going to say anything to you because who knows if they broke up but it does look like he had/has a girlfriend”. And honestly I said whatever and ignored it. I wasn’t going to believe anything until I heard it from you. Does it make me a bad person that I honestly didn’t care if you did or didn’t? Eventually she came to town I guess? That’s ok I had plans of my own too.

 I remember going to Palos Verdes and getting stuck in a situation where a guy had left a hickey on my neck. You seemed upset and fucked me harder than before and left more marks all over my body. I think you were trying to tell me that I was yours for that summer. I remember you picking me up one night and I snuck out and we drove to a quiet place in my neighborhood. You brought blankets and pillows and laid down the seats in the back of that suv. You laid out all the blankets and told me to hop over the seat. We just laid together. I remember you asking if I was real and how was I real? You said I was so perfect. You touched each body part as you described it. You said you didn’t believe it. One day you asked if I was wearing a bra under my shirt and I said no and you said that even your boobs sit perfectly. You just kept touching me and putting your hands all over me that night. Probably knowing it would be one of the last. You kept saying all these sweet things to me. Do you remember that pact you made with me when we were 12? That we would marry each other if both of us weren’t married when we were 30? I asked if you still remember saying that to me, you were the one who had set that plan up not me. I don’t remember your answer but I thought it was funny. 

Eventually we ended up ripping each other's clothes off and falling asleep completely naked next to each other in the back of that car. The first and only night I got to spend with you. I set an alarm to wake me up so I could be back in my house without anyone noticing. I told you I was leaving and going to walk but you insisted on driving me. I know you were so tired you just went back to that spot in my neighborhood and fell asleep. To be honest no one checked on me that day so we could’ve spent the morning together too. I remember you eventually went back home and kept in contact. You confessed some things to me and told me “I don’t want you to think I would do something like that. That’s not me. But the only reason I cheated on my girlfriend was because it was you.” You begged me to understand you were not that person. I didn’t care anyways. That was the only time you spoke to me about her. You said you both had been fighting a lot and things weren’t getting better and that before you came to California you spent a lot of time thinking about me and then when you saw me you couldn’t help yourself. I laughed at your explanation. As if you owed me one. As if I deserved one. I think I just told you “it’s ok you don’t have to explain yourself” and we left it at that. We continued to talk and FaceTime. I don’t think we expected it to go anywhere but we did enjoy each other's company. 

A couple weeks before you returned for thanksgiving you had texted me. You said you were so excited to be coming back and that you wanted to spend every day with me. You sounded so happy and excited. I wanted that too. I’ll admit I was hoping for that. I thought you were a man of his word. The day comes when you arrive here. I knew you were in town. I kept quiet but I was waiting for a phone call, a text, anything. Days keep passing. Not a word. You are posting videos of you drinking with your friend Joseph. I just didn’t understand. I understood not wanting to see me, I just didn’t understand why you would tell me you wanted to and act like it’s the one thing you’ve been dying to do. The night before you left you called me to see me. I got into your car. I was quiet. You were quiet. You drove us to the water. You picked me up and sat me on the railing. You put your body between my legs and held onto me. I don’t remember much conversation. You asked me “what are you thinking about” I just said “nothing”. How do I even begin to articulate what I was thinking? Part of me was just enjoying this embrace we shared knowing this felt like the end of something that never even started. Part of me was sad you were going home. Part of me wanted to see you again in the morning before you left. Part of me wanted to be frustrated. I loved you so much and I didn’t know how to say that I didn’t want to let this go. But I know I needed to and honestly a part of me was ok with that too. You picked me up off the railing and it started to rain. You put me in the backseat of your car and started making out with me. Shoving your tongue further and further down my throat. You hopped in the driver seat. You took the car to an abandoned alley and put the back seats down once again and laid out your blankets. You asked me to lay with you. Always listening to Pink Floyd. You wanted to do more. I couldn’t, it was my time of the month. You still didn’t care. I was just thinking where the hell will I put my tampon. We ended up making out. This felt more intense than ever. I started kissing your neck. I got on top of you. I kissed your face. Then your neck. Then your chest. Then your stomach. The lower I got the slower my kisses got. I remember you finishing in my mouth and telling me you have never finished harder in your life. I remember you dropping me off immediately after that. I felt used. I felt discarded. I still tasted you in my mouth. I immediately went to brush my teeth.

Thank god we never turned into anything. I was a shitty person then. You would’ve hated me forever. I eventually let go and turned to other people. God why does it feel like everything after you was a distraction. I ended up with shitty relationships. You ended up in a wonderful one. Days passed and I had other people to worry about. The next summer came around and I asked to see you. I can’t remember what we talked about, I'm assuming closure, I can’t remember a single thing I said to you. I remember needing to feel the relief again that I once felt when I had originally confessed my feelings to you. There I was with my stomach turning upside down and inside out. How can a single man I barely talk to do that to me? You have always made me weak. We went to dinner, but I couldn't eat. I was texting my boyfriend and you looked over and said “look at us texting our significant others'. I again, had no idea you had a girlfriend. I felt awful. I felt confused. Should I be here with you? I don’t remember much about that night except you asked to use my bathroom before you went back home. I said I had a letter for you. I know I gave it to you. But god do I feel so fucking stupid for doing that. I don’t even know what was in that letter. If you still have that please throw it away, that's so embarrassing. I don’t even know if I was coherent during that? What the fuck did I even have to say!! I can’t remember a single thing. 

You went home and texted me saying thank you for the letter and asked to go to the beach the next day. We did that. We went in the water together. Not much happened. I went back to your house for you to shower and change and then you drove me back to mine. I’ve never felt more distant from you than those moments. We felt like strangers. I think I was ok though. I remember when you also met my ex boyfriend. It was so awkward I can’t even believe that’s a real story and that actually happened. I don’t even think you guys talked, we didn’t even talk. We were all just at Taylor’s house watching vines on tv. You came as quickly as you left. I must admit my ex hates me for doing that but I couldn’t help but laugh at that situation. I again wanna die from embarrassment. Time passes and you start talking to me again. You start getting close with me again. I suspected something had happened in your relationship. I believe from what she was telling our friends that you lied to her about me. I remember thinking, is he ok? Is she ok? Are you both ok? You kept talking to me. You asked me to come visit and we can go to Portland. Of course I would’ve, I would’ve walked to you if you wanted me to. You grew close with me again. I must admit I felt satisfied. 

More time passes and it seems as if you were back with her again. I didn’t get sad, I was just happy I could help you fulfill any moment of loneliness. I think you always knew I’d be there no matter what. I couldn’t say the same for you. I’m not even sure why you wanted to see me or how we even made these plans for all 3 of us to go get boba. But that happened. I paid for all of us. I loved seeing you happy. I felt content. She was lovely too, I think despite you we actually would’ve been good friends. Somehow we made it back to your house, after that long and awkward car ride. I must say she didn’t seem thrilled to hear me speak or talk to me. I was honestly wanting and willing to put all of that shit behind me and just be both of your friends. I wanted to get along. But I understand she didn’t want me there and 3s a crowd. I can’t even imagine how she must’ve felt. I felt sad for her. I wanted to cheer her up and let her know she had nothing to worry about. She seemed hostile towards me so I just kept quiet to get through the night. We were all on your couch with more of our friends and your brother and his friends. There was a small group of people there. I kept to myself most of the time. You came over to me for a little to talk but not much about. 

Your brother and I made eye contact and he came over to talk to me. We struck up a good conversation and we shared a few smiles and laughs. I honestly thought you were so invested into your own conversations I didn’t even think you noticed the one I was having with your brother. I eventually just wanted to leave and called an Uber to go home. I told you I was headed back home and you went up to say goodbye to me. You gave me a hug and whispered in my ear “if you ever screw my brother I will never forgive you” I just looked at you like wtf. Why would I ever do that or want to? I didn’t even think about that. Why did you care even if I wanted to? You were with a lovely girl. Anyways I was on my way back home and I guess you made your way into the bedroom with your girlfriend. You kept snapchatting me asking as to where I went and to come back. I think you were drinking. While you were naked in bed with your girlfriend. You kept asking me to come back. I kept politely declining. You ended up sending me a picture of her tit??? I’ve never been more confused. I think I just laughed and went to bed. 

Again more time passes between us. Those guys at your house that night ended up trying to talk to me over Instagram, I thought it was funny. How every man in that room seemed to want me except the one I wanted. Days, weeks, months pass by. You’re in town again. Do you remember coming to YardHouse where I was having dinner with my friend? We all somehow ended up at your place once again. With every one of my friends. Every girl showed up. You were the only guy. You kept to yourself. But god I couldn’t feel more sorry for the girl you were with. Why was I the only person in that room considering her feelings? Did she know? I felt awful. I wanted to give her a hug. Did she know what you were doing when she wasn’t around? You played music and got up to dance, you made me dance with you in the living room. I couldn’t help but giggle at this. I loved dancing with you. I went home again and your lover returned. I’m not sure about the timeline here but you asked me to hang out one night and I drove over to your house. The first time I had had my own car to do so. We ended up picking up our friend that you had no idea I knew too. You asked me how I knew everyone. The answer is idk. Or we just are the same and draw to the same people. We all got along. We went back to your place. It was honestly fun. I found out that day that she had kissed you too. When I left that summer to go to Arizona you ended up making out with her. I honestly found it funny and made a joke about being Eskimo sisters and she goes woah. We didn’t go that far. She just looked at me and asked if we fucked , I stayed silent and looked at you not knowing if you wanted people to know and you jumped in eagerly to say yes. I felt like you were proud of that. I didn’t tell anyone. Not a single soul from our hometown. She looked at both of us and said we would be cute together. I was so far past thinking anything like that I just shook my head. 

Funnily enough your girlfriend called at that moment. You told us to be quiet. We both stared at each other and laughed and were whispering like wtf? I was having fun, I must say. Your girlfriend was coming in from the airport I believe and you were going to pick her up. Our friend asked why we had to be quiet? You said because she didn’t like us and especially me? I was so confused. Our friend chimes and asks why she wouldn’t like me? You had told her “just look at her. She’s beautiful.” I had never heard that come out of your mouth. Our friend had agreed. She admitted when I started going to our school she saw me in the hallways and thought I was beautiful too. I smiled. I was also sad for your girlfriend again. Were we together and you hid it from her? She had no idea? She probably still doesn’t. I felt like I was doing something wrong. Eventually our friend had to leave. She said her goodbyes and for once in many years we were alone in a room together again. 

I left shortly after. When I went to say goodbye I expected a light hug. Knowing it was wrong for us to be in the same room alone for too long. As I went in for our hug you held me for a while. You picked me up and squeezed me as tight as you could. For a long time. I remember time was standing still once again and I remembered what it was like to feel the warmth of your body and your heartbeat that sounded like my favorite familiar song. I think you pulled back and just looked at me. I felt like you wanted more but again you were hard to read. I said “see you in a few years”, making a joke knowing we didn’t really see each other often and when we did it was short. I was trying to make light of our silly little friendship. Not knowing the next time I would see you. Knowing our interactions are few and far in between. Had I known that was the last time I was going to see you for a long time I might’ve held onto that hug a little longer. 

A year or two passes by and you come back to town. I remember being just a street over from your house and you asked “hey I’m in Newport for the week if you want to hang. No worries if not I get it.” I remember seeing that text pop up on my screen and instantly my heart started beating. My eyes went wide. It was really the first time you texted me. You usually call. Were you scared to hear my voice? This felt formal. I like to hear from you. I like the idea of you thinking of me. I like you going out of your way to see me. I slept on it, because I didn’t know what I wanted to say. Once again I didn’t know if you were still with the same girl. Did she know you wanted to see me? Was there going to be a bunch of people again? Honestly all I wanted was quality time but you always brought other people around. I understand now why. Maybe it made you feel less guilty for seeing me. Maybe it was hard not to say what we were thinking. I just kept thinking. What did you want to do? Where did you want to go? Again we always missed each other in timing. I had just gotten out of a relationship and back into one. I owed it to him to give this relationship a chance. One where I didn’t feel guilty. Knowing my feelings for you never fully goes away. I just shove them so far down my body that I accept your friendship as a compromise. Being your friend was good enough. If I couldn’t have you, I wanted someone else to. 

I just wanted to be able to see you happy. So I couldn’t. Part of me thought oh we are just going to hang out for an hour with a bunch of people so why even bother. It’s not quality time. I couldn’t risk an hour with you to feel a lifetime of guilt with this new person I was with. I didn’t want to lie to him either and I certainly didn’t want to tell the truth about you either. I can’t lie. I can’t lie to people, I’m so goddamn bad at it everyone sees right through me. I contemplated it the whole night. Ultimately I told you I couldn’t and I was busy. Which I was busy. But to be honest for you I drop everything. That’s the last time we spoke. I so badly just wanted you to cave in and respond “pleasseeeeeee” but I know that’s not you. I probably would’ve caved at some point. I can’t help but to think now what we would’ve done and how that would’ve played out. I looked different. My teeth were different. My clothes, my hair, my skin, my everything. Would we still be talking now if I said yes? Would you still be in my life or would it have ultimately lead to our silence. We were always good at that. Silence. Silence is very loud, I’ve learned that now.

 To be honest if I saw you today I’m not sure if I would even want to talk. I’d probably just want to be silent and enjoy your company. But as I sit here and reflect on your life and how I got to be apart of it. It’s not even the moments where we were undressed together that I felt the most intimate with you. It’s the moments where you would take my hand and flip it open and kiss the palms of my hand. Or how you would protect me when we were walking on the side of the road. Or how clumsy I am and how I would fall and you were so quick to catch me. Or how I accidentally bled on your pants oh my god that’s still so embarrassing. Or how I can’t even think around you, I get flustered, I sound like an idiot. There’s so many things. How did I store this all in my head? Do you still smell like Fiji? I can’t even remember what your voice sounds like. I don’t even know where that one photo of us went? Did I give it to you? Did I throw it away? I donated your jackets and threw away my journals. Oh how it would be funny to reread my thoughts about you when I was 12. Do you have the Pink Floyd record or do I still have it somewhere? I remember buying it. I remember picking it out in Northern California on a street market on a Wednesday in the summer. How did I still feel this way about you after knowing all the skeletons in your closet? I know so much shit that you have done and usually that’s enough for me to be uninterested in someone. But you are somehow different. I just want more. 

Sometimes I wish I could just call you, I wish I could write you a letter. I don’t even know where you live. I don’t think I want to. I don’t write any more. This is the first thing I’ve written in 4 years. I haven’t played any of my instruments. I haven’t drawn or painted a single thing. I’m going to be honest, I haven't even listened to music since last week. Maybe I’m just too busy or maybe I just know those outlets make me feel something I didn’t want to anymore. I remember you sitting in front of my drawings I put under the window seal of my wall that first summer. You asked me “what do these mean to you?” I think you know what they meant but I responded with “nothing I just drew them.” You look frustrated. You looked like you wanted an explanation.

I’m coming to Bend soon and other parts of Oregon. Not for you but my friends that have a house there. My other friends are getting married and moving there too. I have a feeling I’ll be spending more time there. Sometimes I wish you would come back and show up at my door and just give me a hug. Sometimes I wish I received a letter or a text from you. I still live in the same place. We remodeled. It looks different and I’m in a different room. But these corners of this house haunt me with memories of you. I still sleep on the same bed and mattress we had fallen asleep on over the past decade. I didn’t realize that till last night. Sometimes I stare at my phone screen hoping a notification would pop up from you once more. Sometimes I wish you would call and leave a message, I’m asleep usually past 12. I think you would really like my life now. I don’t even think you are reading this. I don’t even think you remember what this page is. I don’t even think we would be good together right now either. I’m hoping you come back to this page. Whether it’s now or in 5 years from now when we pinky promised to marry each other when we are 30 if we are still single. Whether it’s in 10 years or even 50. 

Your friendship has brought me glorious technicolor to even the darkest days. And no matter who you are with, what you are doing and where you are. I will always, completely, utterly, and hopelessly be in love with you

[theboardwalkbody]

A. I do not like this new dashboard layout

2. There is definitely something wrong with me.

I went from being absolutely exhausted - cried myself to sleep last night, woke up crying this morning and the crying continued on and off until noon. I made a To-Do list earlier this week; vacuum, make my room tolerable (which means able to walk from one end to the other without feeling like I'm being buried alive by things). I got home around 830pm and got a burst of energy/motivation or maybe something else. But as soon as I walked in the door I took out the garbage which turned into vacuuming which turned into decluttering the desk, which turned into dusting (I have not dusted in about 1 to 1.5 years) which turned into washing the cat food bowl, which turned into washing my monitor. I still have more on my List because while I did some of it I also went and did other things I didn't plan on. (Because of my depression I don't ever deep clean so things get dusty and stuff so IDK how dusting became something I did.)

Also - TMI period stuff below the cut

It (in the TMI) honestly would explain my moods so I'm hoping that's all it is. Really fucked up bad PMS and stuff. Because I literally feel so insane I considered walking into a psych facility. I don't feel like I'm gonna hurt myself or anyone, I just feel like I am literally loosing my mind and need help calming down and thinking clearly - like I need to be rebooted.

However - my BF and I had a light lunch and a healthy dinner and between them we went for a 20-25 minute walk. I haven't gotten actual exercise in a year. Ever since I got sick back in October of last year I have spent all my time laying down. If I'm not at work or working on something that NEEDS the computer then I am literally laying in bed. So maybe the walk, despite being 9-10 hours ago, kinda helped?

IDK someone help lol

I had my period end on August 3rd and I have been spotting for like three days but today the spotting was like more than normal so I think it's actually my period but it wasn't due until my birthday (the 24th) so its like 6-8 days early if you count from the first spotting and assume it was actually not spotting. My DR says the copper "bug zapper" as my BF calls it causes spotting between periods and I've had the thing for 2 years now so I know it happens. And I have gotten a period only 21 days into my cycle before (avg is 26 for me atm) but still.

I'm wondering WHY and if its all tied together. The intense mood swings/intense depression. The spotting/early period. Maybe my hormones got confused this month and I had like a huge spike in something which triggered the liable moods and period. If it doesnt stop tomorrow I'm marking it as a period and not spotting. And it BETTER end normally and NOT last from now until when it's supposed to start and end and therefore last for two fucking weeks.

[spaceorphan18]

Head Over Feet (1/14)

After Kurt and Blaine broke up the second time, they went their separate ways, living their separate lives in New York City. Fifteen years later, a retirement party brings them back together into each other's orbit, with surprising, for both of them, consequences. Are they able to fit each other into their already complicated and messy lives? And are these newfound feelings real? Or just echoes of a past relationship?

Canon Divergent after Season 5.

Ao3 Link

A/N: Yes, I know I have a bunch of other WIPs - and I am still working on all of them! But I’ve been so excited about this one, I just want to get it out there... 

Thanks to @snarkyhag for the beta. :) 

***

Chapter 1: Loser Like Me (Part One) 

Fall 2028

Blaine is dreaming.  It’s all fuzzy, but there are hands… familiar hands that are on him clasping his own, cupping his face, trailing down, down, down to where it feels good.  He begins to feel the warmth spread throughout his body.  He feels good, so good… Lips are against his, rough and hungry, he is enveloped in want, in need… He lets out a groan, letting the pleasure overtake him.  He reaches out, desperate for more, but as he does so, that good feeling starts to float away.  He makes a grasp for it, but it’s no longer there, and he is left cold and wanting more.  

And then his alarm goes off.  

Blaine wakes up hard as a rock.  He can’t remember the last time he had a dream about sex.  Maybe when he had been a teenager? Or possibly college?  But he doesn’t remember any of those dreams ending him with his dick actually aching to fuck something.  

He stares at the ceiling for a good long moment, thinking the urgency will eventually wear off.  He turns his head, slightly, to see the outline of his husband on the other side of the bed.  He doesn’t bother to wake Sean -- not that morning sex had ever been a part of their marriage.  They’re on opposite schedules; the show Sean is doing the costumes for is in the middle of its workshop, and if it gets picked up by a good producer, it could mean big things.  And Sean is cranky in the morning, anyway.  

Blaine can just as easily take care of himself.

He gets up, slowly.  The erection still hasn’t died down, and Blaine begins to wonder if this is even normal for someone his age.  Maybe he should call a doctor.  He laughs to himself.  Or maybe he should jack off and not worry about it.  

He moves off the bed, having to go around it to get to the bathroom.  In the process, he has to step over a huge pile of Sean’s clothes.  Blaine takes a moment to pick them up, and throw them into the laundry basket.  Two seconds, it takes.  Is that really so hard?  

The clothes also smell like booze and cigarettes, which means Sean has been staying out late with the company again.  It’s fine, they used to both go all the time to the afterparties and the clubs, but some time after Blaine hit thirty, he didn’t find them as enticing any more.  Something about feeling almost twice as old as everyone around him killed the spirit.

Blaine gets into the bathroom, turning on the light, and easily stripping out of the boxers that he wears to bed.  His dick is still throbbing to be touched, so he gives himself a few hardy strokes before turning on the water for a shower.  It’s weird, he thinks, as he gets in.  Sex used to be the a staple of his marriage but, as the years passed, he and Sean manage once a week if they’re lucky.  He hasn’t really missed it, or maybe he hasn’t noticed he missed it.  Because getting off with just his hand doesn’t normally feel so good.  

He indulges a little, thinking about that dream, and those hands on him.  Letting someone else take over, take control, take him apart.  He thinks, at first, of Sean, pulling from the catalogue of their sex life.  Sean being the one to hold him, and stroke him, and suck him down.  But as much as he tries to concentrate on his husband, the scene keeps pulling away, and there’s someone else there -- a faceless man with deft hands who knows exactly how Blaine likes to be touched.  

He speeds up his hand, and yet somehow it doesn’t feel like enough.  He braces himself against the tile of the bathroom wall, fucking furiously into his hand until his hips take on a life of their own.   Eventually he comes, jolting hard into his hand.  The orgasm tears through him, and he lets out a near scream that he hopes doesn’t wake Sean.  

It takes a moment to come down, and he leans against the tiles, enjoying the blissed out feeling as the hot water sprays over him.  He’s not sure what had brought all that on but he does feel more relaxed.  He’s been too pent up lately.  Maybe he does need to start seeing his therapist again…

***

On Wednesdays, Blaine only teaches one class and he is back home by noon in time, usually, to make himself lunch before heading out to do afternoon errands (or stay in and grade papers).  Before the workshop started, he and Sean would usually make Wednesday nights their together time.  But those have faded away over the past year or so.  Blaine has gotten used to spending the evenings alone, to the point that when Blaine arrives back at the apartment that afternoon, he’s startled to see Sean there making himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  

Sean stands against the counter, chewing the sandwich slowly as he watches Blaine put his bag and coat on one of the kitchen table chairs.   “You okay?” Sean asks, taking another bite.  A bit of crust lands in his red beard, and he brushes it off and onto the floor.  Blaine shakes his head, now he understands why the floor is always so filthy.  “You’re looking at me as if I’m a stranger in the house.”

“No, it’s fine,” Blaine says.  Maybe it’s not.  It feels, weirdly, like an intrusion on his private time, but the thought is laughable.  His husband is home -- he should be happy.  Blaine begins to rifle through the fridge, pulling out a container of tuna fish to have for lunch.  They could eat together, at the table, like civilized people.  “What happened with the workshop?”

“Remember me telling you about Ashleigh and Karyn and their obsessive ambition to be the first to win a Tony? Or whatever the fuck they’re actually looking for.”

“Yes.” No? Maybe? He can’t keep all of the cast members of Sean’s show straight.  But Blaine doesn’t really feel like listening to a who’s who tangent.  He finishes making the sandwich as Sean explains further.  

“Well, I don’t know how it started, but I know how it ended -- with the both of them in the hospital,” Sean says.  “So with both the lead and the understudy out, the workshop is on hold for a little while.”

“Wait, who was the lead again?” Blaine asks.  Sandwich made, he grabs some chips from the pantry and a bottle of water and heads to the kitchen table.  Sean follows him, leaving his now empty plate on the counter, before taking his usual seat across from Blaine.  

“Karyn,” Sean says, stealing some chips from Blaine’s bag.  “The blonde.”

“Right.”

“So, I guess you have me home for a while.”

Blaine plasters an immediate smile to his face.  He’s not entirely sure how to feel, though.  “Are you still getting paid?”

“Yeah,” Sean grabs more chips.  “Marv’s gotta girl lined up in case it takes longer.  Shouldn’t be more than a week.”  

“Ah.”  

Sean taps his fingers on the table.  Blaine sips from his water bottle.  There’s a siren outside somewhere, and the upstairs neighbor’s dog sprints back and forth, causing the ceiling to creek.  

“I paid the water bill,” Sean says after a long moment.  

“Great,” Blaine says.  “I still say we should get reimbursed for the neighbors tapping into our pipes.”  

“I’ll talk to Greg about it.”

“Great.”

Blaine eats his sandwich in a strange sort of silence as Sean watches him.  He feels like they should talk about something.  What do they usually talk about these days? Work? The apartment? The new musical mini-series Netflix put out?  Sean doesn’t ask how Blaine’s class went.  Blaine doesn’t offer to talk about it.  Nothing really feels like a good conversation.  

Which is why Blaine decides to mention it… “So, I had the weirdest dream last night.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, it was some kind of sex dream,” Blaine says, licking the tuna from his fingers.  “I woke up hard as fuck.”

Sean gives a smirk.  “I can’t tell if this is your way of telling me you want to fool around tonight, or if you’re concerned and want to see a doctor.”  

Blaine laughs into his water.  “I decided I’m too young still to have dick problems, and jacked off in the shower.”  

Sean’s eyes go wide with amusement.  “Shame I missed that show.  If you’re still feeling it, we can mess around after lunch if you want.”

Blaine gives an unenthused shrug.  “I’ve got some errands to run.  Then I’m having dinner with Santana tonight, but if you want to catch the late show, it can be arranged.”  

“We’ll see,” Sean says.  “I told some of the guys I’d meet them out for drinks tonight.  There’s a new bar opening over in SoHo.”

A flash of irritation runs through Blaine.  It’s not the turning down of sex that bothers him.  He really doesn’t want to spend his evening at a bar in SoHo.  He really doesn’t want to spend the evening with Sean’s questionable friends ‘Way-Too-Flirty’ Don and ‘Drinks-Too-Much’ Steve.  He doesn’t even really want to go out, especially when he has to teach an early morning class.  But he’s not there to tell Sean what to do.  

He finishes off the sandwich without a word.  It’s not like Sean feels differently about Santana.  

“You know, speaking of Santana, that reminds me,” Sean says, getting up from his seat.  He goes over to the counter and brings back a red envelope.  “This came for you today -- from McKinley High.”  

Blaine takes it with interest.  He gets mailers from Dalton Academy all the time -- even if he didn’t graduate from there, he had still technically been an alumni.  But something from McKinley?  That just seems weird.  It isn’t the right time for there to be a reunion.  He has no idea what it could possibly be.  

He opens it up to find a black and gold invitation. “Oh,” he says a little fondly as he reads it.  “My old glee club teacher is retiring.  He’s inviting everyone back for homecoming weekend to celebrate.  Cute.”  

Sean grabs at the paper after Blaine lets it drop back to the table.  “Do you want me to come with you?” he offers quietly.  

“Would you want to go?” It’s not often that Sean comes with him on the rare occasions he heads back to Ohio.  

Sean hesitates before he speaks, and snacks on another couple of chips before replying.  “I probably should stay to make sure Marv has a handle on this whole Ashleigh-Karyn thing.  That is, unless you’d like me to go.”  

Blaine stares hard at the paper.  It’s not like he couldn’t go.  He doesn’t have to teach on Fridays, and the school is having a holiday weekend that same weekend.  In theory, he could and it wouldn’t be a problem.  “I don’t even know if I should.”

“Maybe go to see your parents, Blaine,” Sean says.  “It’s got to be at least a few years since you’ve seen them.”

“I saw them last year at…” Blaine considers.  Has time really flown by so quickly? “Huh, I guess it has been at least two since that Christmas we spent in Ohio.” He sits back in his chair to think about it.  

“Hey, Blaine…” There’s suddenly a heaviness in the air.  There’s something behind Sean’s eyes that hadn’t been there earlier.  Something that Blaine catches glimpses of every once in a while.  Something that they’ve been avoiding and, for a moment, Blaine fears that Sean is actually going to bring it up.  The room gets darker, just a cloud passing by the sun, but everything is still -- too still, and Blaine’s heart begins to race.  The moment passes, though, and whatever Sean had been about to say changes.  “I guess talk to Santana about it, and see what she says.”

Blaine stares down at the paper again.  Suddenly, a weekend away from the apartment, away from the city, away from Sean doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.  “Yeah, I’ll do that.”  

***

The fall wind is sharp in its crispness, but it’s still a nice enough evening to go for a run in Central Park.  Three days a week, he and Santana Lopez go out for a jog then grab dinner at a nearby taco truck so they can sit and gossip.  Santana, who’s office isn’t far from where they meet, is already waiting for Blaine when he arrives.  She is stretching her legs, bent over in a V, wearing her usual black spandex pants with a bright, blue bomber jacket that billows slightly.  Her designer sunglasses rest on the top of her head.

Because he has been thinking about high school all day, he can’t help but think that she hasn’t changed much.  Her face has hardened a little with age, but Blaine knows her beauty care routine is much more extensive than his, and he knows how much she spends on wigs and dye jobs.  Today, though, her long, black hair is pulled back tightly in a high pony, amusingly reminiscent of how she wore it in high school.  

“Okay, so I have some hot goss for you today,” she says, immediately after they exchange pleasantries.  She waits for him to do his own stretching, but continues to launch into her news.  “So, you remember how I’ve been endlessly talking about the cute redhead on the floor below?”

“The one who works as a secretary for the greasy lawyer?” Blaine pulls his leg back.  The stretching feels nice, he is glad he is able to get out of the stuffy apartment in some capacity tonight, even if he can tell Santana is a bit more ramped up than usual.  

Santana nods.  “So for weeks now, it’s been flirty glances, and unbuttoning buttons to show off some pretty pricey brassieres, but you know, nothing direct.  Well, today she comes up to my floor, claiming the bathroom is not working in their offices -- and I checked, she was totally lying -- and she’s wearing this tight, and I mean tight, nearly see-through button-down.  With no bra.  She had on no bra.  I could see her fucking nipples, Blaine.”

“The nerve,” Blaine teases.  They begin to walk down their usual path.  They have a good quarter of a mile before they usually start jogging, though they might go the first half of their two miles at a walking pace just so Santana could release her pent up energy verbally.  

“Who doesn’t wear a bra in a professional setting?” Santana continues.  Blaine arches an eyebrow at her.  “Okay, so I have totally done it, but I promise you it was warranted.  Anyway, I think she’s trying to kill me.  I took all of my restraint not to pull her directly into the janitor’s closet and make out with her.  And play with her tits.  I can’t unsee her fucking hot tits, Blaine.” Santana grumbles, putting a fist to her head, as if it’ll magically erase the image.

“You know, you could ask for her number,” Blaine suggests, for maybe the third time since Santana has started talking about the woman.  “Or, you know, find out her name.”  

Santana looks at him sharply.  He knows, she just wants a minute to bitch and revel in her janitor closet fantasies, but it’s not in him not to offer suggestions.  “Her name is Liz.  I at least found that out today.”

“Well, that’s a start,” Blaine offers.  

“Alright, what’s up with you?” she asks abruptly.  “Usually, you’re talking my head off about school, and I’m always having to catch up to you.  You’re trailing me by nearly a foot.  Something’s going on.”

Santana’s senses are rarely off, he shouldn’t be as surprised as he is by it.  He tries to quicken his pace but she is right, he is been in his head all day.  “I’m thinking of going back to therapy.”  He says it simply, laying it out as if it’s another fact, and not something that’s been weighing on his mind.  

She gives him a concerned look.  “Is this a ‘just you’ thing? Or a ‘you and Sean’ thing?”

“A ‘just me’ thing,” he admits.  They are nearly at the lamp post where they usually start to jog, but he’s not feeling as up to it as he had been when he arrived at the park.  “Sean’s staying home for a few days, and I’ve been restless lately…” he doesn’t quite say the things he’s thinking.  “And, I don’t know, I had a weird sex dream this morning.  I’ve been off all day.”

“Well, what does Sean think?”

“He offered to fuck, but I told him I had it taken care of.”

“What, no, not about the sex dream,” Santana stops in her tracks.  They have to wait a moment for an older woman walking a doberman to pass in-between them.  “What does your husband think about you going to therapy?”

“It didn’t come up.”  

“God, Blaine,” Santana says, exasperated.  “Well, if you really would rather spend your evening with me than reconnecting with your husband who is, as you well know, built like a fucking viking, then maybe therapy is what you need.”

It’s more complicated than that.  She knows some of it, but maybe not all of it, and it’s more than Blaine would really like to get into on their fairly public walk through Central Park.  But Santana has also grown to be one of his closest friends and, if nothing else, he can confide in her.  

“I’m going to set up an appointment,” he tries to play it off as just another thing.  She knows better, and gives him one of her infamous staredowns.  “And if it’s something I think I need to continue to do, I’ll keep you informed,” he tries to assure her.  

“You better, Anderson.” Her voice is sharp.  “I may have a cold, dead heart, but I want you to be happy.  And you know I’m always going to be blatantly honest with you, so I say this with all the love I can muster, but I don’t think you are.”  

“I know, I know…” He’s not not happy.  He loves his job.  He loves his little apartment.  He loves being in one of the greatest cities in all of the world.  He and Sean are…  “So, hey, did you get your invitation to Mr. Schue’s retirement party?”  He begins to walk again.  He knows he’s avoiding the conversation, so does Santana.  But she rolls with it.  

“He’s retiring?  Dear god, he’s barely over fifty.”

Blaine lets out a little laugh.  “Well, that’s what the invitation said.”  

“And, fuck, no, I haven’t gotten one,” Santana says.  “Though, it’s been a couple weeks since I’ve checked the mail.  Who sends invitations through the mail these days?  Just start a text chain like a normal person.”

“Would you go?” He asks.  He’s been back and forth on the idea all day.  Does he really want or need to see anyone from high school again?  Possibly?  Would it be nice to get away for a weekend? Most definitely.  Can he really afford to skip town for a little while? That is the big unanswered question.  

Santana bites her lip, thinking it over.  “I mean it really depends on who else got these magical invitations.  Oh, god, will Rachel Berry be there? Please tell me Rachel Berry will be there.  Because I have got to see how little Miss TV-Princess does in a place that does not revolve around her ego.”

Blaine has never had the issues with Rachel that Santana had, but he does remember college.  He does remember Funny Girl.  “Sorry, Santana, I don’t actually have an answer for you on that one.”

Santana throws her hands in the air.  “You keep in touch with everyone, right?  Well, isn’t she part of everyone?”

“I think she’s become a little out of my status level,” Blaine replies, with a smirk.  “Besides, I don’t keep in touch with everyone .”  Truth be told, Santana might be the only person he talks to from high school.  At least on a regular basis.  For all the promises made during the time of staying BFFs forever, real life managed to get in the way of the magical thinking.  

“Alright, let’s work it out, right now, cause this will be the determining factor,” she says.  She pulls at a leaf from one of the trees above her, causing the branch to bounce.  It nearly whacks him in the head, which causes her to giggle a little and shake her head.  “Let’s see… Rachel Berry, possibly.  Said ego might drive her back to the place where it all began.”  

“Sam Evans will probably be there,” Blaine says.  “He does still live in the area.” He and Sam don’t have a lot of contact, but occasionally they’ll do a long distance Fantasy Football thing or chat about a new video game they both own.  He hopes Sam will go - he could use more of that laid back charm in his life.  

“Artie clearly won’t be,” Santana continues.  “I know, because I’m the one who put him on the European press tour for his new film.”

“I doubt Tina will be there either,” Blaine adds.  “She just had her third baby, and she and Ron probably don’t want to make the trip from Boston to Lima with three young children.”  

He thinks of Tina’s Instagram, the only way he really communicates with her, and the constant updates for her hectic life.  She’s happy and looking good, and way too busy to drop everything and run back to Ohio.  Blaine makes a note to give her a call at some point to congratulate her formally on the new baby, even if he had already left a cute note on the Instagram pictures.  

Santana is too caught up in her thought process to say more about Tina.  “Finn won’t be there for obvious reasons.  What the fuck happened to Puck? I doubt he has an address to even send anything to.  Quinn’s too prideful to drag her divorced ass out of Connecticut.  You know she’s already taken a new lover ?  She’s in her mid-thirties, and still hitting up the sugardaddies.  I mean, have some goddamn respect for yourself.”

“Well, Mike’s in Chicago,” Blaine offers.  Mike had been part of the Chicago Ballet for a long time, and had since become a dance instructor.  Blaine had been at Mike’s wedding to his wife, Marie, a couple of years ago, and he’s another one whom Blaine wouldn’t mind seeing again.  Maybe he, Mike, and Sam could have a nice guys’ night out that weekend.  He’ll have to get in touch.

Santana nods.  They walk by a woman sitting on a bench with two screaming children.  Blaine feels bad for the woman, but he and Santana share a look -- both of them glad that they don’t have to deal with that kind of hot mess at home.  

“Then there’s Mercedes,” Santana says, looking up and out into the world.  “Goddess among women.  We do not have the privilege to be in her presence.”  Santana laughs at her own comments.  “Seriously, though, I love my girl, but I don’t judge her for continuing to live her best life.”

“What about Brittany?” Blaine asks, tentatively.  He has no idea if this is a sore subject for her or not because he doesn’t think Santana has brought her up once over the course of their friendship.  

Santana becomes stoney-faced, as if not to give herself too much away.  “No,” she says simply.  “Brittany’s living in some commune in LA where she does Fondue for Two and runs a cat babysitting service.”  

“That’s a thing?”

“In LA it is.”  A fond smile climbs on her lips.  “In any case, as much as I am always up for seeing my girl again, I highly doubt she’ll be back.  I mean, we were still hooking up for a while the few times I made it out to LA, but recently she’s found someone a little more… permanent.  And before you go on pitying me, let me assure you, I am more than fine.”  She’s quiet for a moment as she reflects.  For a person who is almost always open about her thoughts, she’s decidedly reclusive when it comes to matters of her heart.  Blaine knows better than to try to pry it out of her. “Anyway, if we’re going to be upfront about exes, I believe there’s only one person left, if we’re not counting random chicks with mafia dads or weird Irish exchange students.  And I’m sure we both know that there’s no way in hell Lady Hummel is coming back to Lima, Ohio.”

“Oh!” Blaine says, as if it’s a complete revelation.  Kurt hadn’t even entered his mind, and it is surreal to think that his brain didn’t go there first.  

“Oh, please, don’t tell me you actually forgot about Lady Hummel and his heartbreaking ways,” Santana scoffs.  “Pretty sure years of therapy couldn’t undo all the trauma that did.”

She isn’t wrong, and she would know, because she helped pick him up a year after everything had happened.  But that’s the funny thing -- it’s not that he doesn’t remember Kurt.  (God, he remembers all of Kurt.)  He doesn’t remember the person he used to be when he had been with Kurt.  There had been a time when he would have shifted the Sun and the Moon and the entire Earth for Kurt Hummel.  A time when his heart had pointed in only one direction.  And a time so dark that when Kurt had ended it, Blaine didn’t know how he would ever move on.  

And yet he did.  

The person he had been is now such a faded memory he can barely remember what those feelings were like.  Kurt Hummel is just another name from his past, a person who, yes, helped shape him into the person he is now.  But long gone are the emotions once attached to that name.  Funny how things can change.  Someone could mean so much to you at one point in time, and yet after time…

“I didn’t forget about Kurt, clearly,” Blaine says. He grabs her arm, and loops his own through it.  The jog isn’t happening today, and he’s fine with that.  Some days, it’s best just to have the company rather than the exercise.  “I just think you’re right, unless Burt is dying or something.  But doubtful that he’ll return for a silly retirement party.”

“You almost sound disappointed.”

Blaine shrugs, and gives a smile.  He doesn’t know how he feels about whether or not Kurt will be there.  He hasn’t thought about him so long.  But he does know that after all this talk of the past, maybe he is ready to go back and see if anyone else is feeling the same way.  “I think we should do it.  Go back.  I mean, why not?”

Santana shakes her head.  “Oh, this whole idea sounds like the worst, but if there’s a chance I get to make-out with Quinn Fabray again, then I’m in.”

For the first time in a while, Blaine feels a little lighter on his feet.

***

Not a few weeks later, Blaine is on a plane back to Ohio.  

He and Sean talked it over and, while Sean had been technically free to go, they agreed that maybe it would be better if Blaine went himself; the unspoken dialogue being that space isn’t the worst thing they could give each other.  Blaine had not been able to help but be fidgety with his wedding ring during the flight but, intent on giving himself a weekend off from real life, he drowned himself in his favorite podcasts, and had tried not to think about his life in New York.  

The party is on a Saturday afternoon, but he’s there on Friday so to spend time with his mom.  They end up having a nice lunch together, and she takes him shopping.  She’s as feisty as ever, somehow managing to remind Blaine of Santana, and he wonders if she’s always been like that or if that’s a new trait of being in your sixties.  They end up FaceTiming with Cooper and the kids, and Blaine indulges his little nieces by singing them Disney Princess songs.  The whole day weirdly feels like the family they usually are only around Christmas time, but he’s in good enough spirits that he doesn’t question it.  

Later that night, his dad comes home, and they have pizza before his parents go off for one of their social benefit parties they often frequent, reminding Blaine of the old days when his parents were never home on a Friday night.  He doesn’t mind so much because McKinley’s Homecoming Football game is that night.  

His original plan had been to meet up with Sam since Santana’s plane isn’t coming in until tomorrow.  But Sam declined, stating that Mercedes Jones is coming late that night and she needs a ride from the airport.  Sam didn’t ask Blaine to come with him.  Blaine calls up Mike, who is happy to hear from him, and says that he will be at the party but is only going to make the trip to Lima once on Saturday.  He doesn’t bother trying to get a hold of anyone else, and ends up going to the game alone.  

Coming back to McKinley feels like going back in time, and yet the kids running around make him feel entirely too old to be there.  He half expects Sue Sylvester to pop out and start yelling at the cheerleaders, or Mr. Figgins to make some sort of half-time speech, but the world of McKinley has moved on, even if the campus has remained remarkably the same.  The game is fun, but kind of boring, and he’s not surprised when the team loses by seventeen points.  Still, seeing the array of alumni all cheering around him, he feels a strange sort of connection to the place in a way that he really didn’t when he actually went to the school.  It’s a bit surreal.  

Afterwards, not ready to go home to an empty house, he drives around for a bit, until by chance, he drives by Scandals, Lima’s decrepit excuse for a gay bar.  Feeling somewhat amused, a little nostalgic, and a lot in need of a drink, he decides to grab a beer for old times’ sake.  He decides, on a whim, to put his wedding ring in his pocket.  He’s not actually planning anything, but it’s also not like Sean wears his anymore, anyway.  

Scandals is even more in a sad state of affairs then he remembers, even if ‘Funk-It-Up-Friday’ is trying to give the place some of that Mid-Western Charm.  He orders a bottled beer, and sips as he thinks fondly about the time he watched Dave Karofsky try to line dance.  God, that had been so long ago…

“I’m guessing this place rarely sees a man as gorgeous as you.  Mind if I buy you a drink?”

It takes a moment for Blaine to realize the pick-up line is directed at him, but he does instantly recognize the voice.  Much to his shock, when he turns around, he’s face to face with a much older, and yet still dazzlingly magnificent, Kurt Hummel.

[star-lemonade]

The Festival (1/3)

A.C.E Junhee x Reader

Cw: fluff, cross dressing

Rating: T (Series R)

Word count: 3.2 k

Junhee was one of the most attractive people you knew. He was good looking, yes, but that was not the main source of his attractiveness. Somehow he always left you with the impression that he cared about people and put others before himself. You never told anyone but it would be nice to have someone care about you. Taking care of him for a change would be nice too. He seemed like he could use someone being there for him. You sometimes spoke in the company kitchen, but you never met outside of work. Maybe, one day, you would ask him out. Maybe.

That day your business trip took you out to a city you had not been to before. It was only a few hours away by car but you never had a reason to come here. The conference would last for three days, Wednesday to Friday. On the first evening there were some unofficial meetings, but soon the parties moved from the hotel to the city. A historical festival was taking place in the city center. The crowd was a mixture of people wearing modern clothing and hanboks. A lot of the vendors were also dressed in historical clothing. The streets were illuminated by lamps that looked like lanterns with open fire at first glance. The moving orange and yellow bands gave the illusion of flames. Foods from the different booths filled the streets with mouthwatering smells.

You noticed that you had lost the rest of the conference people while exploring the festival. Your stomach began to rumble. It was time to eat something. The selection was a bit overwhelming so you entered the nearest food stand that had some tables. Even here the historical feel was present. The low tables stood on elevated platforms with the guests sitting on cushions on the platforms. You sat down at the only free table. The waitress wore a beautiful hanbok, but the stress of working at a festival was written in the lines of her young face.

You ordered something to drink and to eat. Your drink arrived fast and you were thankful for it. You were starving but the drink filled your stomach at least temporarily.

Your eyes followed that waitress as she served food to another table. Two women in hanboks sat there. They looked like they were related, maybe they were sisters? One wore blue, the other green.

When the waitress approached them, you could see the face of the sister in green in front view. She looked familiar, but you did not know from where you knew her. You looked away so as to not get caught staring. Your food came and the mystery woman was forgotten. Your basic needs had to be satisfied. It tasted better than it probably was. Junhee. Junhee! That was who the woman looked like. The thought came so suddenly you almost dropped your spoon. He had sisters, that much you knew but did they live here? It’s probably a coincidence.

You finished your meal and decided to move on. The air in the plastic tent was too thick and hot to have a clear thought.

You left the restaurant wondering if it was just your brain seeing Junhee everywhere. Yes that must be it. Lately he had been on your mind a lot. He was a bit clumsy, but there was something charming about that too. Oh man, I have a crush on Junhee, don’t I?

You heard your name from behind you. The woman in the green stood behind you.

“Can we talk?”

Without saying a word you walked away from the crowds of the festival. You felt the tension of the other person and did not dare to speak up. Around a corner a dark patch came into view. The banks of the river were emptier than the streets with its booths. You stopped at one of the benches overlooking the river.

“I guess I should explain.”

Junhee‘s voice was softer than usual. You were sure now that it was him(?).

“You don’t have to. It’s none of my business.”

Junhee seemed to think otherwise. He(?) pressed his(?) lips into a thin line, but did not say anything. Whatever question came to your mind, seemed inappropriate to ask, but the silence began to weigh you.

“That’s a nice hanbok. It looks good on you.”

It was true and Junhee smiled a little.

“Thank you.”

He(?) looked down at the gravel path that spanned the river bank down to the small pedestrian bridge.

“I like being a man.”

He paused, thinking. You did not dare to say anything. This was a very private moment and even sitting on this bench, so close to Junhee felt almost too intimate. He did not have to tell you anything. Junhee nodded more to himself.

“But going out like this. It feels good.”

You touched his arm.

“You really don’t have to explain yourself.”

“I should.”

He insisted.

“Why? If it makes you uncomfortable? Don’t worry I will not tell anyone.”

“Because ..”

He looked away. The river gurgled and a couple strolled by, talking about something. Junhee stood up. His fist clutching the fabric of the hanbok.

“Let’s meet again tomorrow.”

You simply nodded and Junhee took off into the night.

You returned to the hotel tired and worried. The way Junhee had fled earlier did not leave your mind. You typed “Are you okay?” into your phone. I don’t want to bother him. The cursor whipped the message off the screen.

After a restless night your phone woke you up at 6:30 am the next morning. You had rolled from one side to the other but the unfamiliar bed had made it hard to sleep. Now It was time to meet some old business men. The shower helped to wake you up properly and the breakfast buffet in the hotel’s dining room looked better than expected. You filled your plate with everything that appealed to you in that moment and sat down at an empty table for two. None of the other conference goers were to be seen, so you could enjoy your meal. Your phone lay screen down on the table. How is Junhee doing? You picked it up and looked at the messaging app. Would it be good to text him?

“I hope I didn’t offend you yesterday. I’m sorry, if I did.”

It wasn’t the best thing one could say but needed to say it. You could not stand the thought of Junhee being hurt.

“I hope you are okay.”

Of course he did not reply right away. It was still early morning and he was probably sleeping. The next time you had a chance to look at your phone was during the “coffee and networking” break at 9:30 am.

“You didn’t. I’m okay. Let’s meet today. I have time around noon.”

It was not exactly the right thing to do but you excused yourself after the last talk of the morning session and left. The dinner would be more important, it would be okay if you missed the lunch buffet.

Junhee looked fantastic. He wore a brown leather jacket and his dark hair looked freshly cut. You were not sure which version of him looked more attractive, the one with the fake lashes or the one with the leather jacket.

The restaurant was empty. It was a bit too early for most people to eat. You basically had the place to yourselves. You chewed on your lip.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable yesterday.”

It was literally the last thing you expected to hear. His shoulders were slumped. It made him look smaller than he actually was.

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable!”

Maybe it came out a bit too fast because Junhee did not look convinced. You wanted to say how much you liked him but how would that look? He may take that as just a thing you said to get out of this situation or worse. What if he thought you only said you liked him, now that you had seen him cross dressing. Was it okay that you had liked it so much?

“Really, it’s all good. It is all good between us right?”

Your tone got more uncertain towards the end. You did not have that much of a relationship with him yet, but you could not stand the thought of him avoiding you.

“You don’t find that weird?” He licked his lips. “That I like to wear women’s clothes?”

His shoulders were tense. What you were about to say next would determine how this thing would go.

“No. You are an amazing person no matter what you decide to wear.”

A blush crept onto his face.

A waitress appeared. You had completely forgotten that this was a restaurant. It had felt like it was only you and him.

When the waitress left with your order, Junhee leaned towards you.

“Can I ask you something?”

Something in his tone made you perk up. Usually this question preceded a not so usual question.

“Only if I can ask you something too.”

He nodded.

“Do you… hm .. is it possible that you.. like me?”

Your mind went blank. He looked at you from the other side of the table. The little beauty mark on his cheek was something that was easy to look at. Did he mean like as in like like? Your next answer could be game changing, for better or for worse.

“Yes, I like you a lot.”

Now you could just cross your fingers and hope that being honest was the right course of action. You did not want to look at him in fear that he would reject you.

The waitress was back with your drinks and it gave both of you a bit of time. Junhee’s whole face was red and it was cute.

“What question did you wanted to ask me?”

So he was just not going to address this? Okay. Okay. You felt your face burn but also did not have the courage to ask him how he felt about you.

“Did your ex know about you cross dressing? Does anyone know?”

It clearly was not the question he had expected, you could tell by the pause that followed. He looked at his drink.

“My ex knew but she didn’t like it much. She didn’t give me a hard time because either. It just wasn’t something we talked about much. My sisters know of course. My parents were a bit worried in the beginning, they are a little old fashioned.”

You nodded. Junhee had broken up with his then girlfriend a few months ago, as far as you had heard. You were not sure why you had asked that question.

“Do you want to go to the festival tonight with me? Like a girls night out?”

It kind of slipped your lips and you prayed he would not take it the wrong way. His brows shot up and looked down at his drink.

“Yes, I would love that.”

A breath you did not know you were holding released.

Your food came and the conversation shifted. You talk about the conference that you had not seen much of yet. There still hung this question between you. You had said you liked him but he had not said anything to address your confession.

He decided to accompany you back to the hotel and you secretly loved that. You walk side by side. The last few days had been a bit cold, but today the sun gave its best to make it seem like it was still summer. Your hands brushed and Junhee caught your hand. He slid his fingers between yours and just like that you held hands. You could not stop a big, stupid smile from break on your face. The streets were not familiar but Junhee seemed to know where you were going.

“This is not your home town, is it?”

“No but my sister lives here. I come to visit often.”

It felt nice to walk with him like this. Your steps had synchronized without you thinking about it. The hotel was not far now, you began to recognize the houses.

“You probably look very good in a dress.”

You could not look at him and your face burnt. Hopefully he did not take it the wrong way.

“You like it?”

The tone was neutral and you could not tell if he approved or not.

“Yes but you look good either way.”

Junhee stopped and you looked at him. A moment later you found yourself in a tight hug, pressed against Junhee’s upper body. You could feel his breath on your neck and tried to protect what little dignity you had left by not melting into his arms. It failed.

“Thank you.”

The words tickled your skin and Junhee pressed a kiss to your cheek as he pulled back. Your brain must have short circuited being in your crushes arms and your face being so close to his. You kissed him. It was more a short peck, really. You did not have time to apologize for your forwardness. Junhee was a good kisser. The way his lips moved against yours made your heart flutter. It ended too soon.

“I have to go.”

Your tone said ‘and I don’t want to’. Junhee nodded but his hands still held you close. How nice would it be to just stay like this?

Technically there would be a dinner with the conference people that evening but the temptation to just skip it altogether was very big. Spending more time with your maybe, soon boyfriend was more appealing than spending the evening listening to the old men. They would only repeat the same stories they told at the afternoon networking session and the morning session. You texted Junhee but he insisted you stayed at least for a bit. His argument of ‘he would take some time to get ready anyways’ seemed like a plot to make you work. Reluctantly you joined one of the tables. You knew some of the men on this table. They were that type that would leave and find a seat at another table soon. Exactly what you wanted. They just had to see you were there, so no one could complain. You doubted that any of them really cared but there was a chance your supervisor would hear about you not being at the dinner through the grapevine.

The dinner was a buffet and you were first in line for food. You did not even remember afterwards what you had, because Junhee texted you with two outfits and asked which one you liked more. One was a grey skirt with a black shirt and a white scarf, the other outfits was a dress. Both would look fantastic, you were sure of that but there just was something about the first outfit that made you send ‘I love the first one’.

After an hour a window of opportunity opened and you left for your room. You changed into something more casual and left the hotel. Junhee would be waiting at the river. A thought struck you. Did he use another name when he was cross dressing?

You arrived at the river and turned right like the evening before. Junhee sat on the same bench, waiting.

“Good evening.”

It was a bit stiff but Junhee smiled at your greeting anyways. You hugged and when he pulled back you used the chance to ask about his name.

“Junhee is also a woman’s name. So just continue to call me that.”

You strolled through the narrow streets arm in arm with Junhee. Even before today you had been comfortable talking to him but now all inhibitions had disappeared. You two giggled and smiled the whole way to the other side of town. Some older people gave you stern looks but it did not phase you. Junhee was in an extraordinarily good mood. You suspected that his secret had weighed heavier on him than he had let on.

Junhee suggested going to his favorite restaurant in town and you agreed.

The place was away from the festival but not too far away. The waiter showed you to a table in a corner.

“At day time you can see the garden, from here it’s really beautiful!”

‘Really beautiful’ was also the person opposite you. The long wig hid Junhee’s sharp jawline and made his face a bit softer. The dark blouse hid his muscular arms and the fake lashes made his eyes shine.

You felt awkward not eating anything so you ordered something small to eat along with the drinks. Junhee devoured his food and when he caught you staring, an embarrassed smile appeared on his face.

“I didn’t have dinner yet.”

The light blush on his face was very cute and you found yourself smiling like an idiot.

Junhee finished the food and got ready for a toast. You raised your glass too and Junhee said: “To us!”

“To us!”

It was not your first glass so it seemed a bit silly but you smiled brightly anyways. The restaurant was full and the noise made it harder to hear. You moved your chair next to Junhee. In your head that had seemed very casual but in reality it was intimate. You were sitting in a corner now with the wall on one side and gorgeous Junhee on the other. The fake lashes really were the worst. Your heart fluttered and you looked away, face bruning.

Junhee took your hand and interlaced your fingers. The thin rings he wore looked good on him.

“Junhee?” You chewed on your lip. It seemed stupid to ask but you really did not want to there to be any misunderstandings.

“Hmm?”

“Is this a date?”

You met his eyes and he smiled, but it was paired with a nervous laugh.

“Would that be bad?”

Junhee furrowed his brows. You panicked thinking he may take that as you not wanting it to be a date.

“Oh. No! no. I just.. wasn’t sure... “

Say something.

“You know.. We kissed and I thought..”

You stopped at the look on Junhee‘s face. You were so close, it would have been easy to lean in a bit more and press your lips against his lips. His hand tightened and his fingers pressed into the back of your hand.

“It is a date.”

The lipstick had the perfect color, You almost could not tell that Junhee was wearing lipstick. Now, so up close you could see the little imperfections in the outline of his lips. You remembered how they felt on your lip and swallowed, your throat suddenly dry.

“Not here.”

The words broke the trance you had been in and you leaned back. He was right, the small town people may not be very happy with two women kissing, and even less so if they happened to notice that Junhee did not exactly fit their definition of 'woman’.

You held Junhee’s hand until your drinks were empty. It was pretty late and you still had to attend the conference tomorrow. Even Though you wanted to spend more time with Junhee, you had to go. The waiter came and Junhee lifted his handbag to look for his purse.

“I’m buying. It’s okay.”

Junhee let the small black handbag sink and smiled.

Arm in arm you walked back to the hotel. The night air cleared your head a bit but the giddy happiness remained.

Thanks for reading :)) see you in the next part.

A/n: this one was kinda tricky. Korean doesn't really have pronouns and especially no 'he' or 'she'. That's the main reason it doesn't get discussed in this fic. In gendered languages like english however it matters how you address people. Please respect people's pronouns.

[shortprince-cos]

Patton Angst Fic Because I Can't Stop

Summary: Patton decides to run...a little experiment.

Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort.

Ship: Platonic or Romantic LAMP, your choice.

Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, exhaustion, crying, not eating, breaking down a door, loneliness. Tell me if I need to add anything else!

~~~~~

Patton was tired.

That was more of an understatement. He woke up at 6:00 every morning to make breakfast for all of the sides. Most of them ate a little differently, so it required a lot of work to get all of the meals perfect.

Everyone took their meals back to their rooms to eat. An occasional thanks was given, but most meals were lonely, with only Patton eating at the dinner table.

Patton didn't mind.

After eating breakfast, Patton would clean the house. He did this every day. He probably didn't need to clean the whole house every day, but he wanted to. He wanted it to be perfect.

He would take a 'break' at noon, just in time for lunch. Making all the sides different lunches every day took a lot of work, but it was worth his family being happy.

...They never thanked him. Or sat with him during lunch.

But they appreciated him! They just didn't show it very often!

Patton didn't mind.

Believe it or not, Patton did take breaks. He went to check on everyone during the day, just wondering if they needed anything. Sometimes they would ask for water, or some kind of help, but more often than not, they dismissed Patton, saying they were 'too busy for distractions'.

Patton didn't mind.

He returned to cleaning after lunch. That usually lasted until 5:00. Patton would spend at least an hour working on the perfect dinner, one that everyone would enjoy! Dinner was usually the time when the whole family could get together and just talk about their day, or whatever they wanted really! It was when everyone was done with their work, and they could just spend time together!

...More recently, no one even came to get food. Patton wasted an hour making perfect meals, only to eat a fraction, and have to throw the rest away when it goes bad.

Patton...did mind. But he always acted like he didn't.

Patton stressed cleaned and cooked every day. No one knew that it was because of stress, but they never talked to him anyway, so it wasn't their fault.

Sometimes things got too overwhelming. The amount of work he had to do for Thomas, even though it was very little, it weighed heavily on him. Trying to fix everyone else's problems, but ignoring his own.

It was better to ignore those problems anyway, it's not like he had anyone to help him with them. Not like he helped the others.

Constantly worrying about the right decisions. Not just his decisions, everyone else's too. All of these things were torture, but they were worth it.

Were they worth it? No one thanked him. They barely even talked to him. It almost seemed like they were ignoring him after the last video. They only talked if they needed something, or they were in a video. Movie nights were long forgotten, the last one probably before the courtroom. After that, everyone was on edge, and started spending more time alone.

Patton lay in his bed, thinking about all of this. He rarely even fell asleep in his bed, most of his sleep was on the couch, when he couldn't keep his eyes open at 3:00 in the morning. He only went to his bed if he needed to think, and boy was he thinking.

'Was any of this worth it? They must acknowledge some of the things I do. Right?'

Patton was finally breaking down from the pressure. Actually realizing what was happening to his family- to him.

'Maybe I should test it. If they notice, I'll come right back, no harm done. If they don't notice...maybe I wouldn't be in the way anymore.'

Patton decided to run an experiment. He would stay in his room until someone noticed he wasn't there. He was sick and tired of being left alone, so he'll finally see if they actually cared or not.

Hopefully they would notice immediately. If they didn't notice in the first week...Patton wasn't sure if he would be around for the second.

---

Logan woke up at 8:00am precisely, as he always does. He quickly got up, showered, got dressed, brushed his teeth and hair, and tied his tie before going downstairs.

Logan didn't see any breakfast today, or any Patton for that matter. It was...odd, but Logan didn't think too much of it.

'He must have taken a day off. Usually he would tell us, but he must have forgotten.' Logan thought. Oh well, that meant Logan wouldn't have many distractions today.

Logan started brewing some coffee. Should he have breakfast? Of course it's 'The most important meal of the day!' as Patton would say. Was Logan going to have it? No. He usually wasn't hungry in the morning anyway, and he only ate it for Patton.

"Coffee instead of Crofter's? Who are you, and what have you done with Logan?" Logan turned to see Virgil coming down the stairs in his pajamas with his hoodie on top. His sarcastic joke making Logan chuckle a bit.

"Well, Patton left me with an option today." Logan explained while pouring his coffee into a mug that said '#1 Teacher!'.

"Patton isn't making us eat breakfast today? We can have whatever?" Virgil's face widened with a bit of surprise, but he looked more excited than anything.

"It seems he has taken a day off. Coffee?" Logan offered Virgil his mug, Virgil quickly accepted and drank it black.

"Patton took a day off? I'm shocked. Like, actually shocked. That never happens."

"I am 'shook' as well."

"Never say that again."

"Did I say it wrong? Is that not the meaning?"

"No, it was right, but it was super embarrassing and cringy. I have no idea why we taught you these things, it was obviously a mistake."

---

Logan's day went by normally- well almost. Patton never knocked on his door, and Logan never heard the vacuum running. He...missed it? He had no idea if that statement was correct, but he knew that working was a little harder without the white noise of the vacuum running from downstairs.

Why Patton vacuumed the entire house every day was a mystery to Logan. He certainly didn't need to. But the noise in the background was always comforting for some reason.

Logan didn't take any breaks today. He forgot to eat lunch, and by the time he was done with his work, it was 9:48pm. Oops. Guess he should probably eat something.

Logan made his way downstairs, surprised when Patton wasn't there. Logan also didn't understand why Patton slept on the couch most of the time, but whatever figuratively floats his boat, Logan supposed. It was odd not seeing him all day though.

Logan only ate Crofter's on some toast for dinner before going back upstairs at 10:13pm to go to bed.

He got to his bedroom door and hesitated. He glanced to Patton's door, debating something in his mind.

'Should I see if he's alright?' Logan thought. 'No, I'm just overreacting. All he did was take a day off, there's no need to worry.'

No need to worry.

---

It was two days later, and Virgil was worrying a bit. He hadn't seen Patton for awhile, and while he was happy he wasn't being helicopter-parented, he couldn't help but wonder where he was.

Despite being upset with him for accepting Jan-Deceit, Virgil wanted to just break into his room and find out what was happening, but as always, his anxiety stopped him.

"Logan?" He decided to ask Logan if he was being irrational or not.

"Yes Virgil?" Logan responded, not looking up from his book or moving from his spot on the couch.

"It may be just me, but, I'm worried about Patton." That got Logan's attention.

"Well, it certainly isn't just you. I have to admit I am a bit troubled for him as well. However, it has only been three days, I don't think we should jump to any conclusions. Besides, if Patton wanted to see us, he would. He might just want some time alone right now, especially after the last video we did." Logan explained. This calmed Virgil down a bit.

"Right." Virgil cringed, remembering the events of the episode he missed. "Ok, thanks Logan."

"No problem, Virgil." Logan smiled at Virgil before returning to his book.

Virgil sighed and plopped down next to Logan on the couch. He didn't really want to go back to his anxiety-inducing room after he just calmed down.

The two sat in silence the rest of the day.

---

Roman had just gotten back from his adventure in the imagination. He had been gone since...the video, but now he was ready to face everyone again! Saving an imaginary town full of imaginary people sure does boost your confidence!

But it was time to actually confront his problems. Like Patton and De-Janus. It still felt weird to say his actual name.

Roman emerged from his room for the first time in at least a week. The halls were empty. That's not normal. But were any of them 'normal' after the newest video? Not really.

Roman cautiously made his way down the steps to find Logan sitting at the table, and Virgil sitting on top of the couch.

They both kind of looked awful. Logan had bags under his unconcentrated eyes, his mind clearly wandering from his book while he fidgeted with his necktie.

Virgil...looked like Virgil, except he looked really tense and his brows were furrowed with worry.

"Well, I'd certainly hoped for a more enthusiastic response to my late arrival." Roman called attention to himself at the bottom of the stairs.

"Roman!" Virgil immediately shot up from the couch and ran over to hug Roman, which was...strange.

"Roman, where have you been?! You've been gone for three weeks!" Logan scolded while walking over to Virgil and Roman.

"Jeez, L. I just got back and I'm already getting yelled at?" Roman complained. "Wait, three weeks? No, that- that can't be right. I've only been gone a couple days."

"Well, clearly your calculations are wrong."

Virgil suddenly pulled away from Roman, choosing to shove him instead.

"Hey- what-?!"

"Do you have any idea how worried I was about you and Patton?! You've been gone for so long, I thought something had happened, but Logan told me not to worry, but then I started worrying more because what if we should have been worried and something did happen to you and we didn't know because we weren't worr-"

"Virgil!" Roman grabbed Virgil's shoulders to get his attention. "Calm down time, I'm fine. But, why are you worried about Patton? Where is he?"

"We assume he's in his room, but we haven't seen him for about seven days, three hours, fifteen minutes, and thirty-three seconds." Logan explained casually.

"And you haven't checked on him, why?"

"Logan says he's probably just taken the week off, or something..." Virgil quietly mumbled.

"Ok...that is very weird though. I mean, has Patton ever taken time off? Like, since we've known him?" Roman questioned Logan.

"Well, no. But I suspect Deceit has told him that he should take some time off, given the point of the last episode." Logan explained while Roman cringed at the thought of the last time he saw Patton.

Virgil groaned as well.

"Something wrong, Roman? Virgil?"

"Nothing..." The two quietly moaned in unison.

"Very well, if you two are so bothered by Patton's absence, I suppose we could go check on him." Logan offered while gesturing upstairs.

"Logan, you've been fidgeting with your tie throughout this entire conversation, and you expect us to believe you aren't worried?" Virgil accused while Logan very clearly stopped toying with his necktie.

Logan cleared his throat, his face turning slightly pinker. "Well- uh- lets just go."

And so the three of them journeyed up to Patton's light blue door, hoping to find their friend perfectly fine.

"Should we knock?" Virgil asked.

"Yes, if he doesn't respond, then we'll go in." Logan said in his 'I don't have feelings, but I'll comfort you anyway' voice.

Roman knocked three times and awaited an answer.

Nothing.

Roman knocked louder this time.

Nothing.

"Patton?" Roman tried opening the door, but alas, it's locked.

"Should we-" Virgil started before Roman kicked the door in surprisingly fast.

"ROMAN, YOU SHOULD HAVE WARNED ME FIRST!" Virgil exclaimed before looking into Patton's room.

"Empty." Logan stated the obvious.

Everyone slowly walked into the lifeless room.

"Wait." Virgil said quietly.

Well, almost lifeless.

Virgil slowly walked over to Patton's bed, which now everyone could see had a small figure hiding under the covers.

"Patton?" Virgil whispers as he kneels down next to the bed.

Suddenly a little Patton face comes out from under the comforter. "Yeah?" He asks in a small, meek voice.

"We were worried about you, are you alright?" Logan questioned as he walked over to where Patton was on the bed.

"Oh, so now you're worried." Patton replied with an attitude that he never had before.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Virgil tried his best to not let anger seep through his voice.

"Nothing, apparently." Patton buried himself in the blanket again, leaving the other sides confused.

"Yikes, he really has been spending too much time with Janus." Roman stated, which made something in Patton snap.

Patton immediately pulled the covers off and sat up angrily. "No! No, I haven't, because he's afraid you guys will hate him even more if he talks to me! And none of you guys ever come out of your rooms anymore because you're all mad at me! No one ever even acknowledges me anymore! I'm just so-so a-alone!" At this point Patton had hot tears rolling down his face while he gasped for more air.

"I-I know you guys need t-time, but...I can't do it anymore, I just c-can't."

"P-Patton-" Virgil started before Patton started laughing- wait, laughing?

"Its funny, right? How-how I can take all the time in the world to work through my issues, but the moment you guys need time..." Patton slumped in exhaustion. "God, I'm so selfish. I can't even last two weeks without you guys."

"Maybe, but we shouldn't have ignored you. We should have talked about it instead of ignoring it." Virgil said. "Instead of ignoring you."

"N-No. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm j-just overreacting, is all." Patton wiped away his tears even though new ones kept forming. "I-I'm fine."

"You're clearly not fine, Patton." Logan put his hands on Patton's. "You've apparently been sulking in your room all week. When did you even intend on coming out?"

"But Logan," Patton's face lit up. Oh no. "We came out years ago!"

Three different groans rang out in the bedroom.

"Patton, you know very well what I meant." Patton's face fell quicker than it rose.

"I-I know...Roman, when did you get back?"

Roman's face got a little happier. "Just today-"

"Patton." Logan interrupted, squeezing Patton's hand a little more. "You didn't answer my question."

Patton looked between the three of them before looking towards the floor and mumbling something indecipherable.

"Uh- what was that, Pat?" Virgil asked cautiously.

Patton quickly looked back up to meet Virgil's eyes. "I wasn't going to!" He exclaimed.

Everyone's faces were quickly filled with shock and disbelief.

Roman moved to sit next to Patton as well. "W-What? You were just going to stay in your room forever?" Patton only shook his head. "Then, what-?"

"No." Virgil suddenly interrupted, the shock never leaving his face. "Patton, tell me you weren't going to-" Virgil raised his hand to cover his mouth.

"Spit it out, Virge!" Roman exclaimed.

"It seems Patton was going to d-" Logan stopped in disbelief. "excuse me- duck out. R-Right?"

Roman gasped. "Patton, that's not true is it? It can't be true."

Patton started sobbing. Well, there was his answer.

Virgil shot up from where he was kneeling and quickly pounced on Patton, giving him a giant hug that was probably long overdue.

Logan and Roman looked at each other before joining the hug pile too.

Eventually they had to stop, considering Patton had to breathe sometime, so they all climbed off of each other.

Patton still had a few tears streaming down his face. "I'm-I'm sor-"

"Don't you dare apologize for feeling like that. Just don't." Virgil scolded quickly.

"Well, then you guys can't apologize either!" Patton claimed.

"Yes we can!" All three said in unison, which made Patton giggle a bit.

"Well, that's not fair." Patton complained with a small smile on his face.

"Alright, alright." Logan attracted everyone's attention. "Now that we have that sorted, maybe we should relax and try to de-stress for awhile, hm?"

"Sounds super!" Roman exclaimed before picking up a giggling Patton in a bridal style hold.

As Logan and Virgil exited the room, Roman leaned down and whispered to Patton.

"I'm sorry about the video. I shouldn't have overreacted like that. I know you're trying your best."

"Well, I'm sorry too-"

"Ah bupbupbup!" Roman booped Patton's nose playfully. "I thought we said you couldn't apologize anymore today!"

Patton only giggled more in response.

Soon enough all four of them were on the couch watching an array of Disney movies, the earlier events drifting from their minds.

~~~~~

Y'all wanted a stupid title, so there ya go! This fic was super self indulgent, so that's why it is the way it is.

If you ever feel alone or like life isn't worth it anymore, I highly suggest getting some help from a professional. Please don't shut yourself in away from people who care about you, because that will only make things worse. Remember, if you're gone, there's always someone who will miss you, even if it doesn't feel like there is.

General Taglist: @decadentscissorsapricotdeputy @resident-trash-goblin @thefingergunsgirl @theantisocialghost @foreverfangirlalways @emo--nightmaree @moxy--sanders101 @quinnthequeer @gattonero17 @trashno0dle @tranquil-space-ninja @wellhellothere09 @lugooble @sander-crossing @disney-princess-patton @obsessedalli @hi-its-tutty Ask if you would like to be added or removed!

Reblogs are appreciated! 💖

[marvelousell]

The Agreement (Part 3.)

Pairing(s): frat boy!fwb!Tom x reader, frat boy!Harrison x reader

Summary: Tom is a typical frat boy, his love for partying, drinks and girls are bigger than his ego. Y/N is a whole different dimension, she keeps her circle small, and even though she knows her best friend Tom is a total douche, she can’t say no to the little deal that was sealed between the two of them.

Word count: 2.5k

A/N: Here it is guys part 3.! I’m so glad you all like this series, and I’m so grateful for all the amazing comments and reactions you send me 🥰. I would still appreciate it if you reblog, leave a comment or send a feedback!❤️

My tag list is open for this series!

Warnings: mentions of smut, swearing, mentions of alcohol

Part 1. Part 2.

Masterlist

“Tom get that.”

“Tom your phone is ringing.”

“For fuck’s sake.”

The annoying beeping of the phone woke you from the deep slumber.

You were so jaded. The sharp pain in your muscles and in between your thighs made you yelp as you tried to sit yourself up.

Your eyes were burning, aching for more sleep.

“Are you deaf or what?” You said, finally opening your eyes.

However you were welcomed with an empty bed. The right side of the bed was cold, so it meant he went away a long time ago.

Stupid you.

“Well what did you thought Y/N? That he would stay in the morning, snuggle you up and make you breakfast?! Of course he would leave, that’s Tom after all.” You let out a loud sigh, crossing your arms, clearly annoyed that he didn’t at least tell you he was going home.

“A fucking message would be polite Holland.” You muttered to yourself.

Okay calm down. That’s how this thing works right? You wanted this, so we’re going to put the feelings aside.

“Okay the overthinking needs to stop, everything will be just fine.” You said, sliding back into your bed.

Hey it’s Saturday, nothing to do so why not?

Oh wait if it wasn’t Tom’s phone ringing it was yours.

Who is even already up at this time, and on weekend as well?

11:50 AM

Already noon? That explains a lot.

1 missed call from Anna

3 text messages from Anna

2 missed calls from Tom

3 text messages from Tom

So he did call after all. Lucky me.

Hey you up?

It’s almost noon Y/N you never sleep that long, call me when you wake up.

Are you going today? Do you want me to pick you up?

What the hell are you talking about Anna?

Did I make some plans and totally forgot about them? That would be embarrassing.

Morning love, I just wanted you to know I left early because the guys from the frat needed me. Didn’t want to wake you up, thought you need that rest after last night.

You still sleeping or? Did I dick you down that good?

Never mind. Harry is having a chill barbecue party tonight, so he told me to call you, Anna and Amelia are going too so they told me they would pick you up. Also take a bikini if you want to.

Dicked me down to good?! Idiot.

So the barbecue party is what they are talking about. Cool.

Will there be more cute girls? Probably.

And boys as well, so that means let’s have fun.

He isn’t the only one that can enjoy himself.

To Anna:

I’m going, pick me up around six.

Oh you better! Take that red cute bikini, some bird told me there will be some hot guys.

Typical Anna. But she ain’t wrong.

-

Stupid pain. I’m a mess, my room is a mess.

I need a break for sure, and a bath would definitely help because limping all day is a big no.

The scent of the eucalyptus oil filled the whole bathroom. The warm water mixed with it reduced the soreness and stiffness that was making you feel exhausted.

It was what you needed, enjoying the silence and some me time.

Until the phone rang again.

“Are you kidding me right now?” You groaned from the feeling of the chilly air coming in contact with your warm body as you tried to reach your phone.

Tom.

“Hello.” You answered, closing your eyes to relax as much as possible.

“Good morning to you too love. Didn’t wanna answer my calls eh?”

“I was sleeping Tom.”

“Yes, but you replied to Anna’s messages.”

“Well she needed to know if she will pick me up or not.”

“So you’re going?” He asked.

“Of course I’m going, wouldn’t miss that.”

“I kinda called you to say that I’m going to ask Sophie for that coffee, so God please help me and get her off my dick.” Tom continued, hoping that this will go as planned.

“Mmm great.” You moaned, the bath doing the job, making you feel ten times better.

“Are you touching yourself?” The voice on the other line spoke. You could practically hear him smirking.

“Excuse you?!” You screeched, not believing his words now.

Well there goes your relaxing time.

Thanks Tom.

“Nothing to be ashamed of. If I was you, I would do that too after the good sex last night, with me in your mind, rewinding the scenes that happened.” He laughed through the phone.

“Your ego is really bigger than your dick Holland.” You joked, but still telling the truth.

“Ouch sweetheart, should I let you finish what you started? We don’t want you to be that infuriated tonight.”

“For your information I’m having a bath. Trying to relax a bit.” You spit back.

“Ohh, so I did a good job after all?”

“Goodbye Thomas, see you tonight.”

“Sure sweetheart, see you.”

He really was a pain in the ass sometimes, but there was something that made you totally hooked.

You ended the call, standing up from the bath drying yourself up.

“Let’s find that bikini then.”

-

It was 5 PM now, the doorbell echoing through the small apartment.

“Just a minute!”

“Hello to you too gorgeous.” Anna’s singing voice lightened up your mood instantly.

The anxiety was present. Normally it would just be a stupid barbecue party. All good, nothing to worry about. Anna, Amelia, Tom and Harry would be your company, you would all enjoy the night, talking and drinking together.

But after everything you couldn’t suppress the nervousness that was making you almost puke.

“You look beautiful Y/N! So I believe that you put on the red thing right?” She smiled, winking at you.

“I did. Who knows maybe someone will love that old piece?” You joked, looking for your bag.

“Oh come on, I have someone for you to meet tonight, he is totally your type!” She began, “A great opportunity to set aside the crush for our famous lover.”

Anna was the only one who knew about the silly crush on Tom.

I mean how could she not? You, Tom and Anna were inseparable since you were little kids.

Harry was younger so he joined the group later.

Amelia was the last addition. You two met in college, clicking immediately. So you introduced her to others, and that’s how it began.

“Fair enough, I do need someone right?” You questioned, styling your hair.

“Yes! It has been a while since you have had a boyfriend, and sex.” She raised her eyebrows, sending you a cheeky smile.

Yes, it has been. Especially sex. Fifteen hours is extremely long. I agree with that Anna.

“Oh, wait you had company yesterday?” She asked, eyeing the two wine stained glasses that were on the kitchen counter.

Crap.

What am I supposed to say now?

“Uhm, n-no..both glasses are mine.” You said, hoping that she doesn’t suspect something.

“Both?” She asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, I was reading a book. My regular Friday night, and I was in the mood for some wine. I kinda put the first glass in my room, and when I went back to the living room I was already tipsy and I forgot where I put my glass, so I just took a new one.”

“Christ what a lame excuse Y/N.” You thought, feeling your cheeks getting hotter.

“Not going to lie, that sounds like you. You’re so confused when you get drunk.” She laughed, making you relaxed.

“Yeah, yeah…totally. Are we going now?” You said changing the theme, exhaling the air that got stuck in your throat a few seconds ago.

“Let’s go, you’re boy is waiting!”

Jesus give me strength for this night.

-

“Y/N! Anna!” Harry yelled, drawing the attention to us.

A chill barbecue party? This place is almost jam-packed.

“Well long time no see Harry.” You smiled, embracing him in a tight hug.

“Since Monday. I know you can’t go without me that long.”

“I guess I can’t.”

“You two can get a drink and take a seat or whatever you want. I still need to finish this food so I will find you after that, yes?” He asked.

“Don’t worry Holland Y/N will definitely be busy in a while.” Anna stated, laughing together with Harry.

“Oooh yes, forgot about that.”

“Why does everyone know something that I don’t?” You asked completely confused.

“Enjoy yourself Y/N! Why don’t you get us something to drink and I will try to find Amelia?”

“Sure, whatever.” You answered, still a bit suspicious because of their behaviour.

The place was starting to get full. The music that was playing in the house was loud enough for you to make your way to the kitchen as fast as you could.

You were looking around the house trying to find him. You couldn’t help yourself.

The kitchen was small but at least empty, and it had a view on the whole living room.

You put Anna’s drink on the counter, resting your back on it and looking at the sea of people, hoping you would catch at least a glimpse of Tom.

And you caught more than a glimpse for sure.

Tom and a familiar blonde attached to his hip.

Nothing unusual.

If only he wasn’t that dumb and blind, so he could see how much you like him and how a relationship isn’t a bad thing.

If only.

You are his best friend but you still didn’t know him.

Tom was a great guy. He had a good heart, but why didn’t he trust girls? Why is commitment such an issue for him?

Many questions were in your head right now and they were all unanswered.

Oh Tom, I definitely need to lose these feelings.

“He sure knows how to get a girl.” A male voice spoke behind you, making you turn instantly.

Wow.

You were greeted with a pair of deep blue eyes that were fixed on yours. His broad smile and perfect teeth were absolutely breathtaking. They could brighten up every girls day.

His figure was leaning on the fridge, drink in his hand. He adjusted his glasses, still looking at you.

“You mean Tom? Yeah, but only in his bed.” You joked, making him laugh.

“You’re not wrong.” He spoke.

“I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself. Harrison.” He extended his hand, waiting for your name.

“Y/N, nice to meet you.” You took his hand in yours, the warm feeling sending chills through your body.

Jesus those irresistible blue eyes.

You were smiling like crazy, possibly looking like a fool.

“Beautiful name.” He spoke.

“Thank you, yours is not that bad either.” You smiled, unable to keep your eyes away from him.

Oh shit Anna’s drink.

Well she wouldn’t mind.

“Would you like to go outside maybe? A bit to crowded here.” He asked.

Is he really asking me to go with him somewhere?

Just be yourself Y/N.

“Sure.”

“After you.” He motioned you to go first, standing close behind you.

How incredible would it be if Tom saw you now.

However he was to busy facing the girl that will be his partner for the night. He was whispering in her ear, making the blonde giggle.

You couldn’t judge, you fell for his actions too.

This is just for fun. This is just sex. Nothing else.

Keep that in mind.

Someone out there is waiting for you.

“What do you say?” Harrison’s voice was ringing in your ears.

I zoned out again, why am I so embarrassing?

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you the music is just too much.” You turned your head, his face now close to yours.

“No worries. I asked if you would like to sit there.” He asked one more time, pointing to the small table in the garden.

You nodded.

There were still people around you, but his presence was making you more nervous than them.

You didn’t feel like this in a while, that’s a good start.

“So..you’re here with someone?” He began the small talk.

“Yes, with my friends. Couldn’t miss Harry’s ‘chill’ party.” You laughed, emphasising the word chill.

“Harry and his chill parties.” Harrison laughed, seeing where you’re coming from.

“You know him?” He added.

“Harry? We’re best friends since forever.”

“Really? How did I never met such a beautiful friend of his?”

You were blushing like a teen girl on her first date.

Who wouldn’t? Look at him, he was not just handsome but kind and sweet as well.

“I’m not someone who would immediately catch a boy’s attention, but thank you.” You smiled, glancing at him lowering your eyes on your drink.

“You sure caught mine.” His sweet voice spoke back.

The damn weird feeling in my stomach. Is he really making me feel these things already?

“Oh stop it you’re making me blush.” You covered your face, grinning widely.

“I think that you’re absolutely adorable when you blush if I may add.” He laughed.

Harrison was smitten.

He just wanted to get himself a drink and go find Harry.

However his plans were interrupted by a gorgeous girl in a pastel dress.

She was already lost in her thoughts when he stepped inside.

Harrison still got a perfect view of her face that was staring at the crowd forming inside the house. He saw her looking at his best friend, her facial expression turning into a disgusting one after she saw Tom fondling the girl’s bare arm.

“First girl that doesn’t find his flirting intriguing.” He thought.

He needed to talk to you. You were something else, he didn’t want to lose the chance.

Thank God he found the courage to say something, because now he wouldn’t be here sitting with you. Looking at the most engaging smile ever.

“Thank you.” You spoke, trying to calm yourself.

“So.. You and Tom?” He smirked rising his eyebrow, waiting for an answer.

Oh no he saw you staring.

Harrison was just curious. He saw the difference between you and other girls from college, but he still asked that.

“Me and him? God no! I’m his best friend.” You replied, putting on a disgusting face.

“Hey I don’t judge, just asking.” He put his hands up in in defence.

“But honestly, you don’t seem like that kind of girl.”

Now you were the one waiting for an answer.

“What I wanted to say is that you seem very bright. That the lame flirting attempts aren’t your weakness and that you’re not an attention seeker. You’re a girl who knows what she deserves. Gosh that sounded better in my head I’m sorry.” He chuckled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I just think that you’re pretty cute, not like the other girls here.”

This guy.

You couldn’t get enough of him. Hopefully he will be around here much more.

“That’s so sweet of you. Thank you Harrison, it turned out really nice.”

“Just the truth beautiful.” He smiled at you.

“Well, well, look what we have here.”

-

Tag List

@averyfosterthoughts

@i-cant-hangout-im-drumming

@timey-wimey-lovi

@rachaeldonnaspiteri1

@peterparker-rickybowen-mybabies

@sweetestscape

@quacksonhq

@stuckyyrogers

@kaylinfayezink

@tomhollandthing

@stardustom

@hannahholland1811

@yoinkyourheart

@magicwithaknife

@thurstyforholland

@quaksonhehe

@fanficscuziranout

[imjustthemechanic]

The Price of a Soul

Part 1/? - Agent Russel Part 2/? - The Letter Part 3/? - Miss Lake Part 4/? - The Stewardess Part 5/? - An Assassination Part 6/? - Fallout

In the real world pepper spray wasn’t invented until the 70′s, if anyone wanted to know, so it would be a very strange weapon to the SSR.

-

As it turned out, Thompson did not get the chance to visit Peggy in the hospital.  After washing her face with soap and water over and over again, the doctors declared that while they didn’t know what had been done to her, it appeared unlikely to have any long-term effects, and released her.  By this time the burning had gone down significantly, although her eyes were still swollen and watery and the back of her throat felt as if she’d drunk straight vinegar and immediately vomited it up again.  In addition, she had developed a pounding headache.  It felt as if her skin were too tight for her skull and her eyes too big for their sockets, with everything pulsing in time with her heartbeat.

She took a taxi back to her hotel and found the button for her floor by feel.  Even the dim late-night lighting felt like needles in her eyes.  She had to ask a maid to direct her to her room, and when she got inside she made sure all the lights were off and felt her way to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face.

This was a cause for immediate regret, as everything started burning all over again.

In the end she simply dropped herself into bed, face-up, and hoped to feel better in the morning.

- 

She did not, particularly.

It was nearly noon when Peggy woke, thanks in part to the time difference between the coasts and in part to the very late night before.  Her head still ached, and the sunlight through the crack in the hotel room curtains seemed to slice into her eyes like one of HYDRA’s beam weapons.  It was incredibly tempting to just stay in bed all day, and the next day, and the day after that, and Peggy would have given in were it not for the fact that when she rolled over she realized she needed to use the toilet.  With a theatrical groan, she tossed the covers back, stood up, and staggered into the washroom.

Peggy had not, the previous evening, bothered to take in what she looked like in the aftermath of Miss Lake’s attack.  It was not quite as bad as she’d feared, but still not a pretty picture – her eyes were nearly swollen shut and the skin around them, along with her nose, lips, and cheeks, was ferociously red and puffy.  It looked superficially like a severe sunburn.

She reached to rub one eye, then thought better of it.

Now that she was upright, Peggy no longer felt quite so much like staying in bed the entire day.  She should at least have some breakfast, and then let Daniel know she was all right.  He would most likely have heard about last night and would want to be kept informed.  With that in mind, she called downstairs for room service, combed her hair, and then carefully held the telephone receiver an inch away from her skin as she asked the operator for Los Angeles.

Daniel was relieved to hear from her.  “I’m glad you’re okay,” he said.  “Thompson said you’d been burned by some kind of chemical?”

“I have,” said Peggy, “and there seems to be nothing I can do for it except wait for it to get better.  It’s already improved from last night.”  The headache, at the very least, was no more than a mild annoyance together, rather than an all-consuming agony.

“Let me know if they figure out what it was,” Daniel said.  “Could be useful.”

“Whatever it is, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy,” Peggy told him, then re-evaluated this statement.  Who did she consider her worst enemy?  Some of those Nazis who were still being tried for their crimes could do with a dose of that substance.  At her most obnoxious, so could Dottie Underwood.  She would keep that in mind.  “I don’t know how Miss Lake is doing yet,” Peggy went on.  “She was still in the hospital when I was released.”

“Oh, she’s out now,” said Daniel.  “Thompson called me this morning.  They’ve got her in custody at the police station down the street, the same one we kept Dottie at, but she’s not talking.”

Peggy sat up a little straighter.  “Well, at least we know she won’t be able to escape without help,” she quipped.  “Nobody told me.”

“They probably didn’t want to disturb you,” Daniel suggested.  “You’re convalescing, after all.”

Peggy considered how she would have felt if the phone had rung at eight am while she was still trying to sleep off whatever this was, and had to concede the point.  “I suppose I’d better head down there and see what they’re up to.  Thank you for telling me.”

“Don’t work too hard,” said Daniel.

“I’ll try not to, but I can make no promises,” Peggy told him.

After breakfast, she washed her face – carefully, and with almost more soap than water – and brushed her hair, then got dressed.  Makeup seemed like a terrible idea so she wore none, choosing instead a pair of large sunglasses and a hat she could tilt down to make her face harder to see.  She couldn’t see well enough to tell if people were staring at her as she hailed another taxi.  If she’d tried to walk, they probably would have thought she was a blind woman, blundering down the street with only the barest idea where she was going.

“Telephone company headquarters, please,” she told the cab driver.

Fortunately, once she reached the New York office, Peggy really could have found her way around the building with her eyes closed.  She took the elevator up to the SSR, and immediately encountered Thompson.

“Marge?” she heard him ask.  “You look terrible.”

“Your honesty is refreshing, Mr. Thompson,” Peggy replied, and even she didn’t know if she were being sarcastic or not.  “Has anyone figured out what she sprayed me with yet?”

“Actually, Dr. Mroczek was just giving me the results of that now,” said Thompson.

Frank Mroczek was the East Coast SSR’s head of the science department.  Peggy couldn’t see his face well enough to tell what he thought of her appearance, and he tactfully declined to say anything about it.  “Well,” he said, “yes, we analyzed the substance in the perfume jar.  The active ingredient appears to be capsaicin.”

“What is that?” asked Peggy.

“It’s the chemical that makes curries spicy” he explained.  “She seems to have isolated it, put it in an emulsion with what I think is propylene glycol, and used it as a weapon.  It’s not soluble in water, so trying to rinse it away won’t work.”

“I’d noticed,” Peggy sighed.  “Thank you, Dr. Mroczek.”  The idea that it was a substance people ate on purpose was reassuring.  Hopefully it meant that Peggy wouldn’t suffer any lasting damage.  “Have we learned anything else?” she asked Thompson.

“We found your gun in the car,” he said.  “Along with hers.  It’s another Colt thirty-eight, with a home-made suppressor.”

That was why all Peggy had heard was a popping sound.  “How did she break the window glass?”

“She didn’t.  She drilled through it with a hand auger.”  Thompson shook his head.  “She must’ve been at it all night.  No idea how she did it without being seen.”

“All that effort only to shoot the wrong man,” Peggy observed.  “Who did she get?”

“Armin Zola,” said Thompson.

Peggy’s eyes were too swollen to open wide, but she could feel them trying.  “What, really?”  As political prisoners went, Zola was if anything more important than Fenhoff!  He was one of the men the United States Government was pumping for information on the Nazi and HYDRA science projects and methods, though unlike some others he was considered too dangerous to be allowed his freedom.  The CIA was going to be furious.

Just what they needed, she thought.  Another acronym involved in this mess.

“Is he dead?” she asked.

“Very,” Thompson said.  “The bullet entered his left cheek, went straight through his brain, and hit the wall.  Good riddance, if you ask me.”

“I’m inclined to agree but there are people who will not be,” Peggy observed.

Peggy heard the elevator open and turned to see what it was, but from this distance could make out no more than a vague blue man-like shape.  She stood no chance of recognizing the individual until he spoke.

“Chief Thompson?” he asked.  “I’m Ned Russel, from the California FBI.”

“Agent Russel?” Peggy asked.  “What are you doing here?”

“Agent Carter?” Russel was as surprised as she was.  He came closer, and she was able, by squinting, to make out his familiar face and plaid blazer.  “I didn’t recognize you!” he said.  “Bees?”

She blinked.  “Bees?”

“One of the secretaries at the Sacramento office got stung by a bee in her garden last summer,” he said.  “Her hand turned purple and swelled up like it would burst.  Some of the men still call her the Lobster Lady.”

“I’m sure she appreciated their sympathy,” said Peggy.

“I see you two have met,” Thompson observed.

“Briefly,” Peggy agreed.  “Agent Russel, I thought you were being taken off this case?”

“I’m here as a witness.  They need me to identify Miss Lake as the woman who drugged and robbed me.  After that… yes, I’m being reassigned,” he admitted.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she said.  “How is your wife?”

Russel sighed.  “She’s gone to stay with her brother in Houston.”

“Well, that I’m afraid serves you right,” Peggy said with a nod.  “No, incidentally, I was not stung by a bee – I was stung by Miss Lake.”

“I see.  Guess I got off easy.”

Thompson escorted his two guests up the street to the station where Miss Lake was being kept.  She was, indeed, not only in the same building but in the same cell as they’d kept Dottie, sitting on the bed with shackles on her wrists and ankles.  Peggy still couldn’t see very well, but she made out that they’d washed the charcoal off Lake’s face and hands and put her in a gray women’s prison uniform, and she’d been allowed to comb her hair.  Her accident had taken the skin off her knees and the back of her right arm, and her right cheek was scraped and bruised, but she still looked considerably better than Peggy did.

The dim illumination in the cell didn’t exactly count as the full light of day, but it was enough to tell that this was definitely the same person who’d come to the Los Angeles office claiming to be Agent Nadine Russel.

The prisoner looked up as they entered, and smiled, wiggling her fingers at them in a parody of a wave.  Her expression was downright smug, Peggy thought.  Miss Lake knew she had secrets the SSR wanted badly, and she also knew that she alone had control over when and whether she would reveal them.

“That’s her,” Russel told Thompson.

“All right.”  He nodded.  “We’ve got one positive ID.  How about you, Carter?  Is that the woman you met?”

“Yes, it is,” said Peggy.  “I would know her anywhere.”

Thompson approached the bars, and Peggy very nearly decided to grab him and pull him back.  She could just imagine Lake darting into action the moment a potential victim came within reach.  Fortunately, Thompson was smart enough to stay about an arm’s length away to speak to her.

“You’re going to jail either way, sweetheart,” he said.  “Assault, robbery, impersonating a federal agent, unauthorized access to classified information, breaking and entering, and now murder.  We know you can talk, so there’s no point in sitting there all stony-faced.  If you give us information, we might go easy on you.”

Lake raised a hand, and pointed at Peggy.  “I want to talk to Agent Carter,” she said.

Thompson’s eyebrows rose.  He looked over his shoulder at Peggy.

“Is that the first time she’s spoken?” she asked.

“First time,” he agreed.  Thompson looked at the prisoner levelly.  “Why do you want to talk to Carter?” he asked.

Lake said nothing.

Peggy tried.  “Why do you want to talk to me?”

“Because I think you want to talk to me,” said Lake.

She was certainly right about that.  Peggy’s purse, with that mysterious letter still in it, suddenly felt very heavy.  Ironic how the thing she most wanted to talk to Lake about was the one she could not bring up in anybody else’s presence.

But she could definitely learn something.  “That I do,” she said.  “If one of you gentlemen could bring me a chair,” she asked Thompson and the police, “I’m sure I could talk to our guest all day.”

[crimson-snowfall]

Kinktober Day 1 - No, that wasn’t a cat

Kinktober Day 1: Nekomimi (Cat Ears)

Pairing: Masamune x MC (2nd person POV)

Genre/Warnings: NSFW with a bit of crack.

Word Count: 762

A/N: So for kinktober I’m only going to do 10 days scheduled within a 3-day interval. I’m not really following a specific prompt list but I just paired up my faves with whatever came into mind... also I put Masamune for Day 1 because I’ve had this idea ever since last month and it’s all I have prepared rn, but yes I’ll be writing for all my faves. As always, I’ll provide a link to the tag page I’ll use for this series at the end of each fic.

You never meant for things to turn out this way, but even so, the sighs and moans of pleasure that escaped your lips as Masamune 'punished' you for the attempted prank only goes to show how much you were enjoying this unexpected turn of events.

A cold shiver followed the trail his tongue made from the base of your spine up to your nape, in sharp contrast with the warmth that pooled on your stomach and spread throughout the rest of your body as he took you on with an agonizingly slow pace. Masamune parted your hair on one side to gain access on your neck, chuckling ever so slightly as the small bells on the cat ears you had originally planned to put on him in his sleep made a soft chiming sound. He wove his fingers through your hair and held down one of the cat ears as his slow thrusts suddenly shifted into deeper and more forceful ones.

Now, normally you wouldn't have minded moaning to your heart's content if the two of you were either in his manor in Azuchi or Aoba Castle, but the thing is you two were actually in your old room in Azuchi castle, and you were pretty sure another warlord was occupying the adjacent room.

"Don't even think about it," he warned as you as soon as your eyes drifted away from him and into the pillow, and with one hand he gently turned your chin so that you wouldn't miss his molten gaze,

"Tonight, I want to hear you meow for me like a cat in heat."

"M-Masamunnn--nyaaahhhnn~!"

You were pretty damn sure you didn't sound like a cat before he said those words, but now you do.

"Nnngggh, just like that kitten, just like that..." hearing him purr in such a deep voice stirred something within you that kept you meowing for him despite your embarrassment and concerns for whoever it was in the adjacent room that would definitely not be getting any good night's sleep.

You were no stranger to the fact that Masamune had an impressive stamina in bed, but by the time the two of you were (or so you thought), you could tell that it's most probably just an hour or two before the sun rises. As he held you on top of him, you could see that his gaze was still fixed on the cat ears that you never meant to wear yourself to begin with.

"Do you like it that much?" You asked him.

"Maybe I do. Being a kitten really suits you and you make the most delightful sounds," he brazenly admitted.

You pouted. "Then if you like it that much, why don't you wear it? You've already worn me out and the least you could do is let me see you wearing it. It's not like I made it for myself either."

He poked your pouty cheeks. "No."

"Why not?"

"I'm not the kitten here."

In your frustration, you turned to his hair and tried forming them into cat ears.

"What are you doing? Are you giving me horns?"

"No need to give you horns. You're already horny enough as it is," you retorted without actually thinking it through.

"Good call," he said with a smile, and the next thing you knew, he had you meowing at the palm of his hand again.

It was already past noon when you woke up, and much to your relief, Masamune didn't actually follow through with his teasing that he would have you wear it for another day and he finally let you take off the goddamned cat ears. Seeing your mildly upset state, he tried to coax you into an embrace, but you ran out of the room as soon as your head was free.

And in retrospect, maybe you should have stayed a little longer in the room, because as soon as you went out, you ran into a groggy Mitsunari on the hallway, holding up his pet cat with a troubled expression on his face. When you asked him what was wrong, he explained in a somber expression,

"I think Kitty must be hurting somewhere because I heard really loud meows last night. I went to consult with Lord Ieyasu about it, but I think he had an urgent task because he left as soon as I tried to imitate the way Kitty was meowing last night, because I thought it would help him locate where Kitty is hurting."

Unbeknownst to Mitsunari, it was your dignity that hurt so much after that exchange.

[[More of my Kinktober 2020 works.]]

[deiaiko]

A New Life #2

< Part 1

It's morning, Khun got up first. He looked to where Bam is and seems like he's still in a very deep sleep. Khun got out slowly as not to wake him up and went to the bathroom to wash away the sleepiness off his face.

What was he thinking last night?! Brought home a homeless kid? That's not like him at all. He splashed the cold water onto his face. Maybe because he was really tired last night that his emotions took control of him. He splashed the water again and wiped his face with a nearby towel then stared at his reflection in the mirror. This will be so troublesome, he thought, but he can't just throw him out, can he? What done is done, he sighed.

Khun walked to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. He measured some rice and put it in a rice cooker pan, might as well add half more cup cause he won't be eating alone this time. He rinsed the rice and pour the appropriate amount of water before turning on the rice cooker.

Then he placed a pan on the stove, heated some butter and cracked an egg then sprinkled it with salt and pepper to make a simple sunny-side-up. He repeated the steps again, and while doing so, he thought about what he should do with Bam.

He has no experience with kids, he won't be a great figure for him. Maybe he can report him to the police station? No, if he recall correctly, Bam despised the idea. Orphanage? No, he was there once, not that it's bad but he prefers not to be there, it reminded him of his old home and it's not a pleasant memory.

About time, the eggs are done and Khun put it on separate plates, he turned around to put them on the dining table just in time to see little Bam already got up and watches him curiously behind the wall.

"good morning", Khun motioned Bam to join him, but Bam quickly ran away. Khun was about to ask what he's up to but it's quickly answered as Bam came back with the cushion.

Bam placed the cushion on its original place but he sat on the floor instead, hoping Khun will use it this time.

Once again, Khun felt that warm feeling growing inside him, it won't hurt to keep the kid for now right? Maybe he could use a company.

They ate breakfast in silence, enjoying the meal and each other presence. It's weekend morning, and that means Khun is free today, he decided what to do. "let's get you a haircut", he suggested, "and then we can buy some new clothes and stuff for you".

Bam smiles and nods.

 ----------

 They were just from the barbershop and Bam got his hair cut. His hair is now short and fluffy, Khun fought the urge to ruffle it, not to mention that he looks way cuter than before because of his big golden eyes. Now he only needs some new clothes and he'll be perfectly cute.

Bam stood in awe as he entered a huge shopping mall, like it's his first time going to a place like this, or maybe it is, Khun didn't comment or ask about it.

"here", Khun offered his hand, "so you won't get lost".

Bam gingerly took his hand but smiled afterwards.

They walk around in the clothes shop for almost an hour. Bam got some shirts, pants, underclothes and shoes, and Khun also insisted to buy him a jacket with animal ears hoody.

It's fluffy and warm, and Khun also said he looks cute when he wore it. Bam will surely treasure that jacket.

Khun is pleased, Bam's happy face is all he needs, the money that he spent was worth it.

Next is equipment. Bam needs a place to sleep but mattress is too big for his room, so they settled on sleeping bag instead, and Bam is perfectly okay with it. Might as well buy him a pillow, a blanket and a towel too.

When they about to get to the cashier, they passed by the kids section which is loaded with toys and dolls, and one particular doll caught Bam's attention. It's a. . .crocodile? But it's brown with red eyes, wearing a red shirt and navy blue short, just as big as a soccer ball. Nothing special about it but Bam couldn't get his eyes off it.

Khun noticed this as well, "do you want it?"

Bam quickly shook his head, he didn't dare to ask him for more, though his eyes betrayed him as he kept stealing a glance at the doll.

Khun stared at him before picking the doll and put it in their shopping cart.

Bam was surprised, happy, but also troubled. "is okay?", he asked shyly.

"of course", Khun gave him a smile, it's a relatively small price to buy his happiness.

Bam's eyes twinkled with joy and he smiles brightly, "thank yhu!"

They passed by a bookstore when they're about to leave the mall, and Khun thought it'll be very beneficial to give him some books to spend time with. "let's work on your vocabulary and pronunciation".

"vokabyulery? Prenensea—uhm?"

Khun chuckled and patted his head, "haha yeah, you have a lot to learn".

 ----------

 They got home. It's past noon and Khun went to the kitchen to make lunch while Bam tries his best to tidy up the groceries. After they ate, Khun helped Bam with the remaining stuff.

It's a tiring weekend, when was the last time he walked that long? Khun flopped himself onto his bed and sighed in content as his body sank into the soft mattress.

Bam watches him curiously, holding his doll tightly in his arms. His face told Khun that he wants to say something.

"you should try to speak more often", Khun suggested, "it'll help you learn faster".

Bam nods, then followed by "okay". He approached Khun and asked him with a low voice while avoiding eye contact, "uhm, what shuld I call yu Mr. . .?"

Right. If he's not mistaken, he only said his name once, no wonder he forgot. "Khun, just call me Khun".

"Mr.Kun?"

"well, I guess that works too".

Satisfied, Bam smiled. Now that the question that bothered him since yesterday was answered, he yawned as the tiredness finally took over.

"tired too, aren't you?", Khun sat on the bed edge and lifted Bam up, 'he's very light', he thought. Then Khun placed him down next to him on the bed, 'only this time', he told himself. And they both fell asleep.

 ----------

 Khun slept for about 2 hours before his phone decided to wake him up. "hello. Yeah. Yeah. Huh? Isn't it— Wait, why don't you—. Argh, okay okay", he hung up. Why can't his team be responsible for once? It's weekend darn it. He sighed and started to work on his laptop.

Luckily he only needs a few hours to fix it, just in time when Bam woke up.

"good evening, Bam".

"good ifning", Bam replied, still half asleep.

"are you hungry yet?"

Bam shook his head. He yawned and got up while Khun closed his laptop. Then they settled on taking a bath first before dinner. They take a bath together because Khun wants to make sure Bam does it right.

"no, it's not like that", Khun facepalmed internally and smiles at the same time. And yes, apparently Bam did it wrong, so he must teach him from the start.

"close your eyes", Khun pour some water on his head and Bam reflexively wiped his face with his hand. Khun took a white bottle, "this one called shampoo, it's to clean your hair".

"shampoo?"

"yes, that's it. Now give me your hand", Khun poured a little shampoo on his palm, "there, now put it on your hair and rub it until foamy".

Bam slapped his head with his palm and laughs when he did, earning a smile from Khun. He rubs his head in a weird and funny way that makes Khun couldn't contain his own laugh. The shampoo smells nice, Bam likes it.

"you don't need to do this everytime though, once every two or three days is enough".

Bam nods, some foam trickled down his forehead. Khun helped him wiped it away.

Then Khun took something from his side, "this is soap, give it some water and then rub it like this", he demonstrated, "after that, rub it all over your body", Khun gave Bam the soap, "make sure you didn't miss anything".

While Bam slowly but surely covering himself in soap, Khun works on getting himself clean as well.

And then Khun got a childish idea that Bam will surely likes. "hey Bam, look at this", he took a tiny bit of shampoo on his palm and gave it a few drops of water, he rubbed his hands and blew a bubble from between his fingers.

Bam looks in awe at the round rainbow floating thing in front of him, "pretty!".

"it's called a bubble".

"ah!", it popped.

Khun blew another one for him. He might regret this later, but now it doesn't really matter because Bam's reaction was priceless.

They eventually rinse themselves, Bam is excited to use his new towel, it's so soft and fits him well. And he's really thankful.

Khun started to cook dinner, and this time Bam finally has a chance to watch him from close by. Khun decided to make fried rice that they still have some rice left, he put some ingredient on the sink, "Bam, can you name some of this?", he tested.

"um. Eggs, onyens, carrots, meat, vejetables", he said while pointing at them.

"not bad", Khun praised, "but to be specific, these are sausages, these are mustard greens and this is cauliflower".

Bam took a mental note and nodded.

Khun prepares dinner while explaining to Bam the step-by-step. From rinsing and cutting to cooking and seasoning.

Bam's eyes twinkled as he stares at the fried rice, it looks and smells delicious and he realized how hungry he is when his stomach growled.

So they ate. Khun noted that the food tastes more pleasant than usual, somehow. Maybe it's because he's looking at Bam's pleased expression while eating, maybe because there's someone he can share the moment with, someone who radiates happiness over some trivial things. And Khun wants to keep it as long as he could.

[crystalwillow]

The Pregnancy, Part Two

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x Casey Valentine (F!MC)

Tagging: @kiteplayschoices @brycelahelalover @obsessedheehee @eleanorbloom @fuseboxmusebox @princesslahela @vibrantlyjaz @kaavyaethanramsey @queencarb @schnitzelbutterfingers @ramseysno1rookie @caseyvalentineramsey @ethanramseyswhore @whippedforethanfreakingramsey

=====================

Six months had passed since Casey and Ethan discovered she was pregnant, and she was now in her last trimester. She still wanted to go to work so she had something to do and so that if she went into labor she was already in the hospital. Of course, Ethan got less and less enthusiastic about her going to work, now a few more months that passed. He insisted that she stay home and look after herself, to let him work a little overtime and do the heavy grocery shopping. But Casey, being the stubborn woman she is, dug her heels in saying a firm no, continuing to go to work.

One lunch break, Casey and Ethan were sitting outside round the fountain, sharing a pizza and some fries, when Sienna came over. "Hey. Could I sit with you guys?" she squeaked out quietly, "Of course" Ethan smiled as Casey took another bite of her pizza slice, "Want a piece?" Casey asked as she held out the box to her friend. "No thank you. I'm okay. I've already eaten." She said politely, hoping her lie went undetected, as she took a seat next to Casey. "Do I still smell of blood and bile?" Ethan joked, "Honey. if you smelt of that I would not even be near you. Sienna just doesn't like getting in the middle of people" Casey explained jokingly. Sienna chuckled at the sass levels in Casey's reply, and the three spent the rest of their lunch break together. Late that afternoon, Ethan stopped by Casey's floor to collect the grocery list and her dinner order as he was finishing early, and she had to work late. "oooo someone's coming" a nurse teased Casey, as she walked away from the nurses station with her files, to give the two privacy. "Hey." Ethan smiled as he greeted her with a kiss leaning over the nurses station. "hey" Casey smiled back, as the phone rang. "one moment" she smiled and answered the phone, "Hello, Francis Ward, Dr. Casey Ramsey speaking, how may I help? ... uh-huh, okay. ... Could you hold for just one moment and I'll check that for you." she answered as she put the phone on hold "Janet!" she called out to a passing nurse, who stopped in her tracks and turned coming over to the station "yeah?" she asked, sounding tired. "I've got Dr. Rasheen on the phone calling from OR recovery 4, asking if we have any free beds on the ward for a patient that has just woken up." Casey explained. Janet checked the chart, "mmmmmmm, yep. We have room 783 free." She smiled at Casey, who picked the phone back up. "Hello, Dr. Rasheen? ... yes, we have 1 room free. Could I get the patients name please? .... Holly Barkermann. Alright, we'll have that ready for arrival in the next few minutes okay? .... okay, Thank You. B-Bye" she chimed happily as she hung up the call. After letting out a deepened sigh, Casey leant back in her chair and looked up at Ethan who smiled back at her. "Could I have the lists?" He asked sweetly. Casey sat up and pulled them out of her pocket and passed them to him. He looked at her dinner request and smiled. "I'll pick it up later on the way to get you from work sweetie" He grinned as he looked back up at her. "Thanks baby. I'll see you later okay?" she replied. Ethan nodded and gave her one last kiss before heading off the do the grocery shopping and go home.

That night Casey text Ethan.

Casey: Hey babe! Finishing up here in about 45 minutes!!

Ethan:

Casey: Babe???

Casey: Bubs?

Casey: HELLO! ETHAN RAMSEY! ARE YOU THERE?! T-MINUS 45!!"

Ethan: Can't a man poop in peace? xD

Casey: ... sorryyyy :/

Ethan xD. It's okay. I'll see you soon

Casey: Can you bring Bleu? or is he sleeping??

Ethan: Sleeping. Sorry honey :(

Casey: It's alright. I'll see you in a bit. Don't forget our dinner!!"

Ethan: I won't don't worry :D. Love you!! <3

Casey: Love you too bubba :* <3

After sending the text messages, Casey stuffed her phone back into her pocket and got back to work. It was nighttime so everything was slower paced. She got bored and decided to try and balance a pencil on the tip of her nose because she still hadn't been able to complete that. She was so occupied by it that she didn't hear someone approach the desk. "Ahem." the voice said as the person it belonged to clear their throat. Casey jumped, dropping the pencil then pouting at it "awww! I was so close!" she quietly exclaimed as she looked up to see who it was. "Oh, hey Esme!" she chirped, Esme smiled. "I'm here to take over. Your husband's downstairs, in the main lobby." she told her. Casey checked the clock on the wall. "Oh my gosh. Was I just trying to balance a pencil on the tip of my nose for 45 minutes?" she asked, flushing a deep red, fully embarrassed. "I guess so." Esme chuckled as she came round the desk to switch places with Casey. "Well.... see you Saturday I guess." Casey said to Esme, giving her a hug before grabbing her belongings, checking out and making her way downstairs. As she stepped out of the elevator, she let out a massive sigh and took her tag off over her head, tucking it inside her bag. "Busy shift?" Ethan asked, as he walked over to her and greeted her with a hug. She gripped onto him tightly. "ugghhhh, I missed youuuuu" she whined as she crushed Ethan with a hug. Ethan chuckled as he returned his wife's hug, "I missed you too munchkin" he mumbled, Casey pulled back and looked at him strangely, "Munchkin?" she asked with a confused frown, as she laced her fingers with his. "I was browsing words on that Urban Dictionary site you're always going on about. Munchkin can be used as a term of endearment for one's partner who is playful and mischievous" He explained as they walked to the car hand in hand. "Oh...? So you're saying I'm playful and mischievous now, are you?" Casey teased as they got into the car, Ethan just chuckled as he gave her a knowing look. As Ethan drove them home, Casey sat in the passenger seat chowing down on her fries and gulping down her drink, "Hungry? Ethan smiled. Casey nodded eagerly as she shoved more fries in her mouth, "bank oo bor biss" she grinned. Soon they pulled up on the drive and went inside, Bleu greeting them straight away by barking as soon as they opened the door, "Ugh. My feet are so sooorrrreeeee" Casey whined as she took off her shoes and jacket, she then squealed in delighted surprise as Ethan lifted her up and carried her to their room, content concentration on his face the entire time. I'll go grab us some soda, water and snacks then we can binge whatever it is you wish to watch tonight, okay?" Ethan smiled as he pressed a tender loving kiss to Casey's forehead before leaving the room and heading downstairs to the kitchen, and they spent the night cuddled up in bed doing exactly what Ethan said they would, and fell asleep happy and content, ready for the next day and what it would bring them. In the middle of the night Casey woke up feeling around for Ethan and groaned slightly when she couldn't feel him. She slowly opened her eyes and spotted him sitting at his desk across the room with a creased brow as he stared at his screen, "Ethan?" she whispered, and he snapped his head towards the bed, "What's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked as he swiveled round in his chair. She pouted and held her hand out towards him, he sighed and walked over to their bed, sitting next to her and taking her hand in his, "Is this case keeping you up again?" she asked as she placed her head on his leg. He instinctively started stroking her hair, "mmm" he mumbled staring blankly ahead.

Casey looked up at him an noticed the bags under his eyes and looked at the clock on their bedside table, seeing it read 3:47am, "Honey. Your shift starts in an hour and 13 minutes. Come to bed and try to get some sleep. Please" she begged quietly, looking up at him. Ethan exhaled heavily through his nostrils and got up. "Just let me save this document and I'll come to bed" he said as he sat back in his office chair and spun back so he was facing his screen, sliding his glasses back on his face. "They really enhance your beauty, you know?" Casey spoke out, Ethan just smiled at her comment, gently shaking his head as he saved the document and shut his computer down. About 45 minutes later, Casey was up with Ethan as he got ready for work, she was in the kitchen making his lunch. Ethan walked in a few minutes later, smelling like his heavenly self. He stood behind Casey and wrapped his arms round her stomach and rested his chin on her shoulder, pressing delicate kisses behind her ear and down her neck. "You don't have to be up doing this for me. I can make my own lunch you know." He said, his face and voice full of concern. Casey smiled at him with a look full of love that makes him realize there's no point in making it an issue because today is her day off before her last week working. She looked up at Ethan wistfully, "What?" he softly smiled back, "Nothing.... It's just... Are you sure that you're ready to be a father? Because when we done those scans when I was an intern. You said you didn't see it in your future. You weren't sure you could give them what they would need. And if you still aren't ready. We can put them for adoption. Or into foster care. Or to a same sex couple who wants children. I want you to be ready for this Ethan. I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you into being a father by keeping this child." Casey rambled as she brought her hands to her stomach, cradling the child inside. Just as he opens his mouth to answer, Ethan's alarm goes off telling him it's time to leave for work.

Later in the day, around noon the doorbell rang. Casey answered it after looking through the peep hole, and greeted Tia and Bryce on the other side. "Hey! What're you guys doing here?!" she asked as she gave them both hugs and invited them inside. They walked in, Casey shut the door and they all made their way to the living room, taking various seats around the room in chairs and on couches. "Ethan caught us this morning and told us to bring you lunch." Tia said as they took their seats, "We brought both enough hot and cold food for all of us and we even brought some for Ethan to have later, he looked drained when we saw him." Bryce added. Casey smiled at her friends, "I'm not surprised. He was up half the night working on the case of Mr. Hopkins again." she informed them. They gave a knowing yet understanding look with a small nod. "Anyway. How's the hospital today?" Casey asked, as her and Tia dug into their food, Bryce walking off the get a fork. Tia swallowed her bite of food and smiled at Casey, "Busy as usual. Same old people shouting the same old things, cases that take only a few moments to solve. Although, there is this one case that's come in this morning and nobody can seem to work out what's going on with them. They have no genetic markers for anything, no test that has been run so far comes back with anything that could be used as a lead to do further tests. Bryce, as always says the simple solution is to cut them open. But I have to keep telling him, you can't randomly go cutting people open, with nothing supporting them needing and operation. You know?" She tells Casey as Bryce walks back into the room. "Your dog is seriously so adorable!" Bryce exclaims as he sits back down. Casey smiles and eats more of her food. The three talk and eat until it's time for Bryce and Tia to head back to work. Casey going back to binge watching Netflix series she needs to catch up on and drinking her herbal teas. Before she knows it, she hears Ethan's key go into the door and sits up as she hears him call out that he's home. "In here!" she calls back as she gets up so she can move to the couch and cuddle him.

He stops off at the kitchen first to get plates and cutlery for them to eat then walks into the living room placing the food, plates and cutlery onto the coffee table before sweeping Casey up into a massive bear hug, inhaling her perfume deeply. "I've missed you today." He mumbled into her neck, she smiled in response "I've missed you too." She mumbled back and they sat on the couch and talked about their days. "... and then the stupid woman tried to take off with a line in her arm and the machine still plugged into the wall. She didn't even grab the pole to wheel the machine with her as she walked. She just walked. Blood everywhere. It took about 10 minutes to get the bleeding under control. I have never witnessed something so daft in all my life." Ethan rambled, as Casey listened intently. Taking in every tone change in his voice as she ate quietly beside him. "So....... You're stressed?" Casey asked as he finished rambling. "hrm?" Ethan mumbled, Casey just chuckled and got up, heading to the bathroom.

Ethan followed and stood outside so they could continue talking. "When I say I missed you at work today. I meant it you know. I didn't have someone I could just walk up to and plop my head on their shoulder, and whine to. I don't know what you done to me rookie... but.. I feel love again now. I have friends. I can be friendly with others without feeling awkward. You're a blonde bombshell of sass. But you're my blonde bombshell of sass. My other half that I gave up searching for and accepted I was going to be a dog dad forever and die old, alone and miserable. Naveen was right. When you started at Edenbrook as an intern, I took my work way too seriously. And my ways were rubbing off on you. You were becoming a mini female version of me. But, somehow I knew you already were. You were serious about your work. You were serious about a lot. You got yourself in trouble for your patients because you care. You put everyone else's feelings before your own and you took time to get to know me, ask me how I was. I.... I'd not had anyone do that there for 10 years, because I was at the top of all the interns in my year as well. They quickly became envious, jealous, angry at me even. I couldn't understand why at the time, I was just an intern doing my best to make sure all my patients were happy, healthy and had the best care provided that they would need. I wasn't actively seeking out pissing them off. I was just being me. I thought it was my fault at first but then I realized, it's not my fault that my brain is on a different level to theirs. It wasn't my fault I worked and ticked differently. Performed my best when I worked on cases solo. When I wrote and published my book I didn't expect it to be such a huge hit. To influence the next generation of medicine and impact it in such a way. Then you walked into Edenbrook and shook everything up. Including me and my heart. You gave me the wake up call I needed, and I fell for you. I fell for you hard. In Miami all those years ago, I wanted you as much as you wanted me. Damn Casey, when I first stopped you in your tracks as you followed me to the new wing of the hospital. I wanted me taking you for coffee to be a date. But I was scared of the intricacy of it all. I was your boss. It would have been wrong. It was wrong. But somewhere along the line I stopped caring. I wanted... no, needed you. I needed to know what it was like to hold you. Kiss you. Dance and laugh with you. I needed to learn to love and open up my heart. I'd both needed and wanted to do that for years, but nobody caught my eye.. that was until I saw you. I'm here today pouring out my heart and emotions, but I want you to know I wouldn't be doing that if it wasn't for you. You went from rookie, to the owner of my heart. And now... well now you're going to be the mother of my child too. Well... children... I looked closer at your last scan, saw something that shocked me so grabbed a sonographer and they confirmed that.. we, we're having triplets Casey.... We haven't conceived just one child. We've conceived t-" He spoke, voice thick with emotion. The bathroom door opened, Casey looked up at him, a delicate smile on her face, with small tears running down her cheeks, "We're having triplets?" she asked softly, trying not to let her voice break as she reached out and rested her hand on Ethan's cheek, he leant into her touch and smiled as she gently stroked his stubble with her thumb. He nodded as his own tears fell from his eyes. "And I want to keep them. I'm ready to be a father to 3 of the most amazing kids I will ever have the pleasure of knowing. I-" He started to speak again but his voice broke. The purity and happiness if this moment shone and lit the whole house up. Some would say you could hear a chorus of angels if you listened close enough. The two stood in the hallway basking in their moment of happiness as Ethan's revelation set in. They cuddled and swayed together to the music in their heads. Neither feeling their current state of happiness ever before.

Soon, Casey spoke quietly not wanting to disturb the happy peace too much, "You mean it? You're ready for parenthood?" She asked as she looked up meeting Ethan's gaze. He nodded. "I'm ready." He answered quietly, pressing a kiss to her lips and then the two headed upstairs to shower and get ready for bed. The happiness still shining bright around them, they enjoyed the peace knowing soon, it would no longer exist for a while.

[joshslater]

The Reformatory

A rewrite of jd07201990′s swimmer story. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

T -1

Dear diary or however you are supposed to start.

So tomorrow is the big day. Dad and I are sleeping at a Holiday Inn at the other side of the state. Well, I'm obviously not sleeping. How could I? So I thought I should start a journal of some sort to document this experience.

Some background. Two months ago I was in a fight with Mark Samberg on the football team. It had gotten pretty bad between the football schmucks and us swimmers. The jockheads were constantly harassing us, calling us fags and prissy boys. It happened often and was getting boring. As the captain of the swim team I asked Mark to knock it off and get his players in line. Idiot as he is he tried to knock me out instead, and I lost it. In our scramble I managed to knock him down and was about to kick him in the shin when he shifted and instead I connected with his knee. Apparently it fractured. He'll be able to walk and even run, but he'll not be able to play again for years, so he lost his Scholarship.

His family sued everyone they could. Me, the school, the swim coach. In the end all the lawyers sat down in a room with a local judge and came up with something they all could agree to. Mark gets some study assistance to get his grades up, the school had this quickly brushed under the carpet, and could pretend I was never student there. Me not graduating wasn’t really a blow, as my college fund now went to pay for Mark’s education, as compensation. They were rich enough to afford it anyway, but they wanted to see punishment. I get the honor to spend the next 180 days at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center, where I will "participate in all scheduled exercises, activities, therapies, meals and medication programs". They can tack on some extra days for bad behavior without going back to the judge, but essentially I get 6 months at bad boy camp for standing up to bullies.

What will I do there? No idea. The website talks a lot about work ethics and responsibility and working together with the local community. Sounds like labor camp to me. I'll guess we'll know tomorrow. But first we have to visit the hospital for a check up. My first day in prison will mostly not be in prison!

Day 1, Monday

We started with a checkup at the hospital, and man did they do a thorough job. Our appointment was at 10, but before that I had to fill out a form with 100 questions. The doctor spent more than 30 minutes doing the most extensive check I've ever had. Not only that, but after the check we had to go to the sample lab to draw blood, and finally I had a CT scan at noon. After that, and a quick lunch, we drove to the actual reformation center, which was in a smaller town 2 hours away.

It's an old boarding school building that they've turned into this "Reformation Center", and it clearly looks more like a prison than a school. Just a heap of two story brick and concrete buildings out in nowhere. Not much of security, but then everyone was there "voluntarily", meaning that we all had a proper punishment waiting for us if we left. I hugged dad goodbye and was shown to Mr. Kerwin’s office by the entrance guard.

Mr. Kerwin was a lean, ripped man in his forties that oozed military discipline. He explained that he was responsible for my rehabilitation and that he wouldn't start soft. He would give me a packed schedule, and if I didn't pull my weight he would add more days for "noncompliance". If I didn't like it I could run back to judge Stephenson and ask to start over in juvie.

Perhaps that would be better, because the schedule he showed me was totally insane.

4:30-5:00  Breakfast 5:00-8:00  Exercise pass 1 8:00-12:00 Work pass 1 12:00-12:30 Lunch 12:30-14:30 School 14:30-17:30 Work pass 2 17:30-18:00 Dinner 18:00-21:00 Exercise pass 2 21:30       Lights out

He explained that my breakfast, lunch and dinner would be pre-portioned and I was required to eat all of it. The exercise passes would be lead by himself or one of the assistants. Again, I would have to follow every instruction. The work passes were done at local businesses that wanted an extra hand, and changed depending on demand. The school passes were done as a group on whatever subject Mr. Reed selected.

Next he ordered me to get naked and place all my clothes on top of my bag and move to the other side of the room. Having done so he pointed at a stack of clothes on the table and told me to pick my size and get dressed. I quickly dressed in one of the track suits from the table. There was a baseball cap also, which confused me, but was told that it was instead of sunglasses when working outdoor.

With that I was given a rule book to study and was led by an assistant to my room where a dinner was waiting. Turkey, rice, water. I was reminded of lights out at 21:30 and wake up at 4:30. The assistant left and locked the door. 10 minutes later he came back with my journal book and pen, and told me that they'll keep the rest for now.

Having eaten the dinner and having three hours (I'm almost sure 21:30 is 9:30 PM) to kill before the lights go out I'm now summarizing the day. I'm sitting in something very similar to a prison cell. Bed, toilet, sink. Everything is clean, though somewhat worn. Looking into the mirror is kind of depressing though. I look like some jailed gang member.

It's kind of weird that I haven't met any of the other inmates, sorry students, here. I saw some of them while coming in, but perhaps this is their kind of hazing, or they do an official presentation tomorrow. Anyway, I should study the rule book and go to bed, since I didn't sleep much last night.

Day 2, Tuesday

So much to write about, so little time. I might have to split this into several entries since lights out is in 20 minutes.

I was awaken at 4:30 and given a tray with a large bowl of porridge and berries and some chalky smoothie or shake or whatever to drink. After that an assistant lead me to the gym room where we went over various machines, mainly for cardio. Elliptical, bike, treadmill. Weird thing was that it was only us two in the room during all three hours.

Sweaty and a bit tired I was then taken outside to a bus where some of the other boys where chilling. Apparently everyone else had breakfast between 7 and 8. They had no idea why I didn't join them there. The bus then drove around town and the driver announced who should exit where. My group of four people exited at a farm before town, only about 5 minutes away. I don't know exactly since I haven't been given my watch back.

There we spent hours just moving hay. Don't they know about tractors? Sweaty, itchy, tired and hungry we were then picked up and driven back. At lunch was the first time I saw the real common area. To my surprise there were more boys there than had been on the bus.

Everyone else could pick what they wanted from what was served, but I was given a ready tray with an heap of salmon and pasta. I was starving though, so it wasn't a problem to eat it all. I didn't have much time to talk, but the guys at my table were nice. Somewhat rough, as could be expected. Apparently you were chosen for the different work assignments, and if you were not picked you stayed at the center for sports or craft or similar things.

After Lunch followed a session with Mr. Reed. The first boring hour was on English grammar and the second boring hour on US geography. I aced the quizz getting all 50 states and state capitols right, so I didn't learn anything new after that. Then Mr. Reed announced who had work assignments, and I was again selected.

This time I and Troy were dropped off at a different farm where we spent almost three hours helping with fencing. Mainly carry posts and sawing them to length.

For dinner I had some meatballs with roasted sweet potatoes while everyone else had meatballs with tomato sauce. Mr. Kerwin picked me up and led me to the gym. Unlike the morning session this was all about weight training. Most of it was on finding my limits for different exercises while Mr. Kerwin pointed out how I could improve my form. You could tell that this was what he liked to do, and encouraged me to push a bit further. Once we were done I had a bottle of post workout mix of some sort and a very quick shower before rushing back to my room.

Here's the thing. My room is on a different floor than the other guys. Also, my schedule appears to be different and much more rigid than the rest of the guys. I also

Day 3, Wednesday

I couldn't finish the last entry before they cut the light. My entire body is in pain right now. I woke up like that, and it didn't go away all day. Same schedule as yesterday, but different tasks and different dishes. The assistant really pushed today during the morning session, so I was exhausted already at the bus. Planting bushes at the city park all morning didn't help. I got some rest during Reeds rehash of elementary math. Then back to doing fences, and top it all off with weight training. I asked Mr. Kerwin about the schedule and why it was so different from everyone else’s. He said that everyone's schedule is individual and that he'll adjust mine as needed.

One more weird thing before I fall to sleep. Everyone else is using their normal clothes. I haven't gotten mine back yet.

Day 4, Thursday

FUCK! I was back on moving hay today again, with Sam, Trevor and Rick. I'm still hurting like hell and Rick is one lazy motherfucker, so old fart Farmer Joe decided to complain. The end result is that I am getting 2 days added for noncompliance. Sam, Trevor and Rick got nothing. WTF!

Day 5, Friday

We were carrying merchandise all morning and Troy heckled me on how I got more days because of the piece of shit Rick. But he then said that it was a weird coincidence that every work shift I've been on has been the toughest one.

Instead of going to class I met with the doctor from the hospital who made a visit. He asked me about how I felt, where I was sore etc. Then he gave me an injection which he said would ease things for me. I didn't feel much different, but I was getting really sleepy getting back to Mr. Reeds class, but it might just be that everything he did was too simple and boring.

Apparently while I had a check up Troy had shared his theory about me being a work magnet, so there were some groans from the guys placed in my group. God damn fence work again.

Man, I'm tired. I was tired even before Mr. Kerwin gave me the toughest weight pass ever. Fuck, I'm tired.

Day 6, Saturday

So the weekend schedule is different. There is still a morning work pass, basically only used by the local farmers. But the afternoon is free both on Saturdays and Sundays. Conditions and terms applies, apparently. Since I haven't done any cleaning or dishes all week (how could I?), I'm assigned washing clothes, sheets etc. Man, how much better it is to carry laundry than hay. Best job assignment all week. Lots of downtime. Only real drawback is all the humidity. It’s steamy AF here.

Still fucking 3h workout pass in the morning and evening. The other boys were pretty vocal in mocking me on my way to the gym.

Day 7, Sunday

So the day started out as any other so far. Woke up sore. Breakfast alone and 3 hour gym session. There are no work passes outside LARC on Sundays, so I was hit with cleaning, together with Kyle G. and Rick. Rick ghosted after like three minutes, but KG did a solid work. It took us all the time til lunch though to finish it.

Then my first free couple of hours all week. It’s insane. The other guys were low key avoiding me, so I did what Mr. Kerwin had suggested and had a walk in the forest. It was actually kind of nice, and for some weird reason I didn’t feel like sitting still.

Day 8, Monday

Same shit again. Mr. Kerwin gave me a shot in the arm this evening. Apparently I’ll have one each Monday from now on. Whatever.

Also I found out today that the others don’t have formal lights out. I’m on my own floor so they can lock me up and cut the power. What the fuck?

Day 9, Tuesday

That fucker Rick slacked off again, taunting me about another two days. Ha! I got 10. Mostly for kicking him in the teeth. They locked me in my room, so I had lunch there and sat in this boring ass cell during class and work. Fuck, I don’t know what’s worse. I had to do some body weight exercises to keep sane. Fuck this shit.

Back again. I still got to have my evening workout. Kerwin was pushing harder than ever. The order of exercises was different too. Apparently to make the major muscles tired so smaller muscle groups then get to work. Or something. I don’t give a shit.

Day 11, Thursday

They fucking work now, don’t they the little shits. They know I ruined someones career to get here and another one for slacking off. They better pull there weight

Day 14, Sunday

I think I’ll stick to just write on Sundays. There is only half an hour from evening gym to lights out, so there isn’t much time for writing. I’ve even skipped shower a few times. It’s not like it matters when you start every fucking day getting soaked with cardio. Not like there are any girls around to impress either. Sunday has a different vibe tho. Cleaning, running in the forest and taking a long shower.

Starts and ends with fucking gym time though.

Day 21, Sunday

I really fucking like the forest runs. Its like you don’t have to think and can just run wherever and grab whatever and smash whatever. Fucking love it

Day 28, Sunday

Yay! A full fucking month!

It’s crazy though how much stronger I’m. I have gone up one size larger track suite and 2 sizes larger sneakers. Working hard to make me the best I guess.

Day 42, Sunday

guess i forgot about writing last week. i think the monday shots make me angry or something because last week fucked up someone else on tuesday. at least they all give me fucking respect at least.

Day 92, Monday

i dont give a shit abot reeds borin ass lessons and they fuckin repeat on a loop or some shit. today he was back on gramr and the states. i most time dont fill out his shit but wanted to do it again today. fucking aced most of the states. not so good on the capitols tho

Day 203, Sunday

only 2 weeks left tomorrow lol then im gonna yeet the fuck outta here !!!! adios motherfuckas

Mr. Kerwin enters the room, carrying a folder, and walks behind his desk, not even looking at me. I am sitting in his precious fucking antique chair I pulled from the corner. He’s sitting his ass down, rifles through the papers in the folder and starts to read from one of them.

“John Hamlin agrees to 180 days of rehabilitation training at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center, where he will participate in all scheduled exercises, activities, therapies, meals and medication programs, with a possible extension of 30 days for noncompliance and a possible extension of 60 days for infractions as described by the Juvenile Rehabilitation Act (JuRA), section 1103 (b).”

He looks up at me. It sounded like easy shit when I said yes to it. I thought half a year in a bad boy summer camp, or worst case something like prison, but that would have been miles better than this fucking non-stop hard labor shit. And 180 days was a fucking joke. They never fucking intended that to be the actual time. Have someone else slack off and the slap another 2 days to the time. Kick a chair to pieces, 5 days. Punch a guy for being a cunt, 10 days. I’m close to having another fucking outburst again. It must be all that fucking shit they put in the food or shakes or whatever. I fight it. I don’t want to show any emotion in front of him. I don’t think he buys my shit.

“There is another document in the agreement that you haven’t heard. This one between Mark and judge Andrews.”

He pulls out another paper from the folder and read it.

“The state hereby directs Mark Samberg, or person(s) by him so designated, to design and oversee the rehabilitation program of John Hamlin to be administrated at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center. This includes physical exercises, physical therapy, education, consoling, dietary plan and medication, as long as it fulfills the positive development criteria (Appendix D), is within the available services at the Lepinski Adolescence Reformation Center (Appendix A) and within the given budget (Appendix C). Additional services require external financing and approval from the Reformation Center management (Appendix B).”

That doesn’t make any fucking sense. Why the hell had the judge put Mark in charge of my schedule? I understand why he’d want to make the experience suck as much as fucking possible for me, by why had everyone agreed to it? Kerwin looks at me as if he can read an open book.

“You are wondering what has happened to you. What was the meaning of all this? Stand up.”

I jump to my feet. There are still weeks he can add to my time here, and I don’t want to give him any fucking reason to add some shit.

“Stand with your feet as close together as you can.”

He’s never asked me to do that before. I can easily tap me feet together, but I can’t really stand still with my feet right next to each other for long. What the fuck is this bullshit? My thighs are too massive for that.

“Sit down again.”

He leans back and watches me with a bemused smirk.

“Imagine that you’d been away from swimming half a year. Even if you kept in shape it would take you months to be back in good enough technique to clear the swim team tryouts. But you have not kept in shape, have you? You have a completely new shape.”

The blood is draining from my face. I understand where this is going.

“With your upper body build you can physically really only do butterfly strokes properly, but if you can’t bring your feet together the leg kick will just be a wild thrashing of water. You swimming medley would be a hilarious joke. We haven’t even talked about you almost doubling in weight, and how much more oxygen you would need to swim. Sure, you are much stronger now, but old you would swim circles around new you. And that is of course the point. If Mark couldn’t have his sports career, he didn’t want you to have yours either. And the judge agreed.”

I’m surprised that the chair doesn’t break, as hard as I’m squeezing it. I’m boiling with fucking rage. I have to really focus to not to act on it.

“Now the judge specifically set out that this transformation couldn’t be punishment in itself, but rather that you were trained in a way that just wasn’t optimal for swimming. We may have gone a bit overboard with the body building to leave you many options though. You’ll obviously never be competitive in anything with speed or agility, like football or boxing. The metabolic conditioning, hormone treatment and gene therapy have far to long lasting effects to change you back from where you are now. You could try wrestling or weight lifting though, unless you mind showing your erection through spandex.”

“What the fuck?”, I said, as much as a general question to all the things he’d said. What does metabolic conditioning mean? Gene therapy? Erections?

“The medical regimen that Marks family found for you kind of put the feet on both the gas and the break at the same time. It forces the body to grow a lot at the same time as we try to stop it, so it has to try even harder. By injecting stem cells with the right CRISPR-modified DNA we could get rapid, major and long lasting changes. Well, I say we, but all I did was to make sure you kept to the exercise regimen, for a little cash on the side… Surely you didn’t think you got larger feet and dick from eating much and working hard?”

I don’t understand exactly what they done to me, but the result is pretty fucking clear. There was no way I would swim competitively ever again, if I could even fucking swim at all now. I would come out of here looking like a fucking balloon animal muscle jock, and shedding the muscles back to where I were would take shitloads of years.

“The hormone treatment finished two weeks ago and last blood sample shows that your natural hormone levels will keep you muscled and pumped probably well into your forties. So this morning I also cut you off from all suppressive medication as well. That is going to spike your hormone levels and mess quite a bit with you, so we need to see just how badly fucked up you are before we can release you.”

“The good doctor say that you’ll be more irritable and have more excess energy than before. Both something you can work on with regular, hard exercise. But I want to see where you really are at now, so starting today you’ll have no required gym time and labor passes. You can wake up when you want, eat what you want and do what you want.”

“You said erections?”, I asked.

“Yeah, the suppression medication should have kept you limp. You haven’t jacked off while here, have you? Well, you heard what I said about gas and break and compensation. Your body has been pumping massive amounts of hormones into your blood, and will continue to do so. But now that you don’t have the suppressives anymore you should expect to be horny for the next decade or two. You’ll be nothing but a lumbering muscle dildo.”

There’s a crack somewhere inside the wood of the armrest. Fucking fourteen more days, I have to remind myself. Don’t fuck any shit up before then. If I let go of the chair I’m quite positive I will knock him the fuck out. Fourteen fucking more shit days.

[hvlfwygod]

know your strength, part 1 | ben & patrick

tw: drug use

June 16

Sometimes, anger was like a living thing.

Once he started considering them, there were too many instances to count. Too many too-perfect coincidences. Too many people conveniently hurt or sick or scared. Comeuppance served too neatly.

Why his panic brought him here, he didn’t know. But as he waited and waited and waited for his world to end, some quiet part of him that remembered everything and was angry at everyone said: there’s something you can do.

A childhood spotted with blanks and blurred out memories, and now, and now, this unburied itself from his psyche.

Too much.

(None of these instances, he noted, involved the one man who probably deserved it the most.)

You have had ample time to perfect it. He wanted to punch something.

—

It was a night for forgetting. Well, almost.

Three lines were all that remained, and then he was out.

Out out. No more after this. Empty stomachs after this.

At least I still can’t dream, he thought with a bitter, spiteful laugh.

That, at least, he might be able to change. It was night for forgetting, except for that.

The detour to comfort his best friend might have put this off another night. But he’d left the conversation too riled up, too ready to act on it. He needed his heart to move faster so he could catch up to his thoughts.

He paced himself, but it didn’t last as long as he hoped. It wasn’t ceremonious, he hadn’t savored it. 

He crashed hard into sleep.

June 17

He was whisking eggs when he remembered another one. Of course, he thought. Of course.

Derek Esposito, ripping through a classmate’s bag. Unearthing a book— Ben did not remember the title— a spew of jeers and homophobia and laughter. A twisted arm, Ben stepping in. A shove, a threat, a slew of insults.

He couldn’t remember details because he had been so angry. That part was clear. He’d been mad, mad, mad. His arm sore where Derek had wrapped his fingers around it. Derek walking away, climbing, climbing— a rock wall? (No, different time, different time.) The monkey bars. He’d perched on top and opened the book, began reading— I’m reading to you, Ferarri, since you can’t.

He remembered silence, all at once. He remembered just his heart beating. And then Derek falling, his body folding just the right way to slip through the bars and hit the ground as fast as possible. Derek’s arm, somehow behind him, twisted and crushed and Derek yelling, crying, all bravado gone after a break that bad.

How had he forgotten something so obvious?

Ben kept whisking.

—

Patrick woke up swearing. He was half-out of bed, tangled in his blanket, staring into the muted darkness. His neck was killing him.

But something happened. It had been so fast, so fleeting, a strobe light of images but he made it change. His dream had changed.

He swore again, excitement and frustration cutting him up like knives. He was bleeding with urgency. 

Except, there was no way he could fall asleep now. He was too worked up. This amped while sober meant he was really electric, today. Sleep would have to wait.

Anger was one hell of a motivator. He couldn’t wait to tell Cleo.

—

When he finished cooking, Ben put half of the food aside, took a few bites of toast, then decided he wasn’t hungry after all.

A good night’s sleep cleared his head of most of the paranoia. He was no longer convinced that Cleo was waiting outside with a ghost or a knife or some fucked up witch magic or possibly all three. In that regard, he was fine.

But there was something strange about the realization that he’d severely wounded one of his former classmates. There was something off-putting about the fact that at his most panicked, Ben had considered going that far again, on purpose. 

It ruined his appetite, if nothing else.

His mother’s portion he left in his room, positioned on his dresser. Ben considered the setup, then fetched a candle. 

What would she tell him? What was he even going to say? What even was his biggest issue? Colin? Cleo? Himself? Mom, how many people have I hurt?

He decided that he wasn’t ready to have this conversation without at least some coffee. “Please don’t burn the apartment down,” he mumbled to the candle as he stepped into his shoes.

—

Hazy sunlight streaked in through the windows. Patrick abused his glasses as he poured himself a Bloody Mary.

When it was over, he realized that was well and truly it. Nothing left but tap water.

Why had he used all his stash last night?

Gods, he missed his dreams. The last time he was this broke, he could at least rule the world when he slept.

He would get them back soon. He would get them back soon.

Patrick checked his watch. It was late enough in the morning, and the one cafe that had’t banned him was open by now.

He didn��t even have money for this, he reminded himself. But he went out anyway.

—

All coffee did was make his heart race, and he hadn’t even drank any. Ben stared glumly at his cup, watching the steam curl over the liquid as he took the long way home. While he walked, his mind retreated away from the cool morning air and into some fraught middle school memory. How he wished he could go back to before remembering.

This was too much to think about before noon. Ben paused, closed his eyes, inhaled some of the steam. The scent of coffee, the nearby flowers, something sweet and fragrant from an unknown source; it pulled him back to the present. He lifted his gaze, and there was a hand moving too fast toward him. Ben flinched, but instead of hitting him, Patrick just grabbed his coffee out of his surprised hands.

“Funny, I was just thinking about getting one of these” the son of Morpheus said. He drank Ben’s drink, then pinned him to the spot with a glare. “Wanna explain yesterday to me?”

Ben stared at his cup, still steaming. He imagined it spilling all over Patrick’s shoes. “No thanks,” he said.

“Okay, let me rephrase.” Patrick lifted the cup and drank some more. “Tell me about yesterday before I bash your face in.”

There was a slight pause, then Ben shrugged. “Go ask Cleo if you can’t remember all the details.”

This earned him a fist closed around his shirt collar. For a moment, Ben thought the coffee would end up in his face, but Patrick must have really wanted it.

“Don’t be a smartass, Prius.”

Gods, of course he’d talked to Raf, too. Ben stared Patrick in the eyes. “Fuck off.”

“Watch your mouth,” Patrick warned in a tone that made Ben’s skin crawl. “If you piss me off any more you’ll never have a good night’s sleep again.”

Ben placed a hand over Patrick’s, trying to pry his fist open. “Fuck you. Nightmares is all you got? Go ahead. I’m basically immune at this point, but you could give it a shot.”

Patrick’s face twisted into something almost feral, then he let go of Ben. His mouth curved into a smile. “Deal.”

Idiot. Idiot. He’s actually going to fuck you up.

But as much as he thought he should care, Ben didn’t. Some quiet part of him that understood these kinds of things better said: anything Patrick might do, you can take it. You could do worse.

So he met Patrick’s smile with a hard, unblinking stare. “Are we done?”

A shrug, a lazy confidence that was only slightly unsettling. “For now.”

“Great.”

He didn’t bother getting another coffee.

June 18

Patrick felt like shit.

He expected it, considering how long he’d been sober. He could feel the rattling at the edges of his brain.

He wasn’t thinking about that, right now.

It was past midnight, and the beginnings of a painting were in front of him. It was mostly gray and shadows. There was an empty space in the middle of the canvas, waiting to be filled in.

Now he just needed to find the best image to complete it.

Sometimes, anger was like a living thing.

Once he fell asleep, he emerged into his dream determined. He cradled it, gripped it in his hands. This is mine, he said and thought and stamped into the ground. Listen to me.

He’d gotten so used to dreams sliding past him; he felt like an explosion was taking place in his chest when everything stopped and everything listened.

So all he’d needed, all this time, was the right target. The right anger.

Stupid, Patrick. Stupid. You wasted so much time. But he was laughing. He was floating.

He went to the sea, and then a glittering and dangerous version of a California boardwalk, and then he disintegrated the wolves that stared him down and bared their teeth but never got the fucking attack over with. Then he walked out of his dream and searched, and searched.

—

Ben woke up all at once. His breathing was erratic, his ribcage felt at once too tight and too expansive.

He placed his hands on his chest, easing his heart to slow, slow.

Whatever the nightmare was, the memory of it was already fading. But the fear remained like an acid in his blood. Ben could feel a quake deep, deep inside him.

His mother had never come. Ben waited all day for a sign, a glimpse, a hidden message. Nothing but silence had answered his offering.

Still. Still. Ben stared into the dark. Mom?

The night went on, on, on, on. She wasn’t coming.

Ben closed his eyes. He fell asleep.

He woke, his heart in his throat.

Fuck you. Ben braced himself. He fell asleep.

He woke up.

[ranger-jedi-knight]

A New Hero Ch 19

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20887313/chapters/63175624 Taglist: @bluesimani OPEN

So, it’s been a little while since this was updated. Sorry, but well, my sister came for a visit for a week n a half about n well, ya. That took up a lot of my time. N then I also wanted to get that self-indulgent one-shot angst done so ya. I think that one shot was the biggest reason since motivation came and went. Also, I’m getting ready to move to live with my sister for one of my college semesters to see how I enjoy it. And well, idk when this will come out so ya. That’s also pushing back this update since im spending some days packing up stuff I want to bring with me besides clothes, school supplies, and hygiene item......its after finally arriving and unpackin...BUT ITS HERE NOW!(im sorry bout the wait)

No matter tho! This is the next day after the dinner n we get to see how the night went before gettin some more daminette(n some dick/alya/xavier....i need to come up with a ship name for em....feel free to offer some)!! Anyways, enjoy!!!!

Small sounds woke Dick up from his sleep. He looked around, trying to see if there was any danger when he noticed next to him Alya was making soft sounds, her head turning a bit as barely audible ‘no’s left her. She was curled up next to him, her hair a bit of a mess, her bangs and sides plastered to her face while the rest tangled on the pillow. Her back was to Xavier, who had woken up as well and started making soft, soothing hums as he ran a hand along her arm.

Seeing the immediate effect, Dick started running a hand thru her hair, humming along to the tune Xavier began. Moving closer, Alya latched onto Dick, her arms wrapping around his waist as she tried burying her face into his side. The two wrapped themselves around her and continued their soft hums and touches, slowly helping her out of her nightmare.

After some time, Alya’s breathing settled down as she was once more relaxed in her sleep. Xavier smiled softly at dick as he pressed a kiss to the back of Alya’s head and slowly fell back asleep after watching for a few minutes to make sure her nightmare didn’t start back up. Dick tho, he stayed up a bit longer, continuing to run his finger’s thru her hair, untangling it gently. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, Dick sighed thru his nose before falling asleep next to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧~~~~~~~~~~~~

Damian woke to Alfred the cat jumping off his bed. Usually, that wouldn’t wake him. But tonight, the way he jumped off the bed woke Damian. Usually, Alfred’s jumps were relaxed and slow, moving at his own pace. But right then, it seemed more urgent. He looked around and found Xan awake.

Xan had his arms wrapped around his knees as he stared at the door. Looking closer as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Damian noticed that Xan was tense, his fingers digging into his arms. Alfred was rubbing himself against Xan’s side and legs, a purr leaving him to help soothe Xan. As Damian watched, Xan moved a hand from his arm and started scratching Alfred’s head and chin.

Damian moved from his bed and sat down near Xan, giving him a moment before speaking finally. “What happened?” he asked, and Xan glanced over at Damian before looking at the door again.

“I saw them,” Xan started in a whispered, not needing to elaborate for Damian, he already knew who ‘they’ were. “We were at the League tho. I......I attacked them immediately when she asked me too. I didn’t hesitate. I couldn’t stop myself as-as I-” he stopped then, taking a deep, shuddering breath. He took a moment to concentrate on Alfred under his fingers before he continued speaking. “I killed them,” he spoke the words so softly that Damian almost didn’t hear it.

“But you didn’t. It was just a nightmare. Nothing about it is true,” Damian said, and Xan nodded slowly at that.

“Maybe, but.......it was so vivid...so clear. It felt like I was still in the league, following their orders blindly to survive. It was like I never left....like you never helped me out of that hell hole,” he admitted, and Damian reached over and squeezed Xan’s shoulder.

“I know. It can seem so real, make you think you never left even thou you do the one thing you know you would never do. I’ve had similar nightmares,” Damian admitted and Xan glanced over at him.

“Really? Do you still?” he asked softly as Damian reached a hand out to scratch Alfred’s chin.

“Occasionally, yes. It does get better, I promise. It just takes time. You can always come talk to me or Jason. Or Rae even. Do you remember her?” Damian asked and Xan pursed his lips before nodding slowly, he remembered the woman. She helped train him in League before disappearing years prior. “She will listen if you ask her too.”

“Where is she?” Xan asked turning a bit to look over at Damian easier.

“She’s opening a restaurant called Janat Al'Amal, but she’s working at Rose Petal’s Boutique until it’s ready for the grand opening,” Damian said and Xan smiled with a small smile on his lips.

“Paradise of Hope...that’s a nice name,” Xan said and Damian had the faintest of smiles as he nodded agreement.

“It is. She chose a great name for her future restaurant. I’ve been in touch with her along with Jon and Ember. You haven’t met Ember yet but she’s Jon’s friend and hangs with us. Rae likes to let people vent or talk about their problems to her,” Damian explained and Xan nodded understanding.

“I’ll go talk with her tom-today?” he said tilting his head to look at the clock and saw that it was past midnight, around 1 am.

“Good. I can bet you won’t go to sleep immediately, right?” Damian asked and Xan nodded. Getting the confirmation, Damian stood up and went over to his desk and pulled out a sketchbook and pencil, and walked over to Xan. “Mari said you drew to relax. Here,” he crouched down and held it out.

“Thanks,” Xan said giving Damian a small smile as he took the offered items and flipped the pages to a clear one and started sketching. Damian nodded as he then went back to his bed. Laying down, he looked over at Xan one last time, watching as he drew intently with Alfred going onto his shoulders to relax, before falling asleep once more, knowing he did what he could to help his friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xan and Damian were one of the first people up in the morning. They got a quick bite to eat before going to the indoor gym the manor had to spar for a bit. Alfred worked on breakfast for everyone when the two left. Clark was up next followed by Kon and Jon. By 8, Dick, Xavier, Jason, and Tim came down to eat and work on some stuff. After some time, Alya came down walking beside Lana as she took slow steps.

Raising a hand, Lana greeted everyone sleepily as she slowly woke up. “How are you feeling, Lana?” Clark asked setting the newspaper down to look over at her. The rest of the family looked over as well as she gave a small smile.

“Better. Thank you for letting us stay the night,” she said and Clark returned the smile.

“It was nothing,” Clark said moving his hand to look at the time. “Well, I better get going. I promised Perry I’d send over my article before noon. Have a good day you guys. Also, Lana, I would like to talk to you about your future,” Clark said and Lana smiled at that and nodded. Getting the nod from Lana, Clark left to the office Bruce got him so that he could work.

“I’m glad your feeling better now, Lana,” Jason said and Lana glanced over at him with a faint smile.

“Ya, sorry about that,” she mumbled softly, glancing over at Alya who squeezed her shoulder.

“Don’t be. You couldn’t have known,” Jason said and Lana nodded, knowing he was right.

“Lana, would you be willing to accompany me to pick up Mari? She’d love to see that you’re doing better this morning,” Damian said and Lana nodded.

“Sure. But I won’t be able to stay long, I shouldn’t leave Cocoa alone much longer, especially since it’s time for breakfast,” Lana replied and Damian nodded.

“Understood. Let’s head over now and I can drop you off after Mari sees that you’re well,” Damian replied and Lana nodded, eating a slice of toast and some fruit before standing up with Damian to head out.

“I’ll talk to you later, Lana,” Alya called out before Lana left the room.

“Als, I’ll be heading out myself. Fresh air will do me some good. There’s also someone I want to visit,” Xan said and Alya nodded.

“Of course. Stay safe, Xan. And Don’t hesitate to call if you need help,” she replied and Xan nodded before getting up. “Dick?” she asked and Dick smiled.

“Yup, we should get going ourselves,” Dick agreed.

“Don’t die,” Tim called out.

“No promises, you’ve seen, Mr. Lingo,” Dick yelled back as the three left the room and Tim nodded agreement.

~~~~~~~~~~~~(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mari beamed when she saw Damian and Lana entering the hotel lobby. Jumping up from her seat at the table, she ran over to the two and hugged Lana while her friends smiled from the table. “I’m so sorry for what happened, Lana! I should have asked first before making them!” Mari said as Lana returned the hug before pushing Mari back a bit to look Mari in the eyes and give her a gentle smile.

“It’s ok, Mari. Nothing bad happened. And I should have also asked about it. It’s my problem to remember, not yours. As much as I’d like to stay and talk, I need to get home, Cocoa is waiting for me,” Lana said, squeezing Mari’s shoulders as she spoke. Mari returned the small smile as she nodded.

“Ok,” she said before perking up. “Wait!” she rushed over to their table and Chloe held out the bag of cookies to her. She grabbed the bag and ran back over to the two. “Here, I made these for you! Don’t worry, I made sure nothing pecan came near them!”

Lana smiled softly as she took the bag and put them carefully into her pocket and pulled Mari into another hug. “Thank you,” she whispered before pulling back once more.

“I’ll be back after I drop her off, angel,” Damian said, causing to Mari to blush lightly as she nodded understanding. As the two turned away to leave, Lana had a teasing smile after giggling softly at Mari’s blush.

“‘Angel’, huh?” she asked, sending him a look that had Damian blushing lightly. Before the door closed behind the two, Mari and her friends listened to Lana laugh. Mari walked over to the table and continued to eat her breakfast while her friends sent her looks.

“I think you found yourself a ~boyfriend~,” Lila said in a sing-song voice. Mari’s blush deepened at that.

“I-no-!-He-!” Mari stuttered out, unable to form a single sentence while her friends laughed around her. “Oh!” she crossed her arms on the table and slammed her head down onto them. Adrien smiled softly as he patted her back while Lila covered her mouth with her hand to stifle giggles.

“Don’t worry Maribug, I’m sure he’d be delighted to be dating you,” Adrien said as Chloe nodded agreement next to him, leaning closer against him to look at her.

“Adrikins is right! He’d be a fool to not want to date you,” Chloe declared with a nod that the others shared.

“I agree. If he doesn’t ask you out today, then you need to do it yourself Mari,” Kim said with a serious look

“I-I wouldn’t even know how to!” Mari said with wide eyes and the table chuckled softly or shook their heads.

“Just be straight forward. Say how you feel then ask ‘would you go out on a date with me?’. Or, if that’s too scary ask him to hang out with you, alone,” Lila said and the group nodded agreement. Right then, the doors opened showing Damian entering with two people.

“Jon!” Chloe yelled out excited and the two got up quickly and ran over to Jon. Jon smiled as he hugged the two.

“I know it’s only been a couple of days, but that’s two days too long,” Jon whispered and the two nodded agreement.

“Definitely,” Chloe said pulling him to the table. Jon happily let them pull him to a table and sat between the two, holding their hands.

“Jon and Ember were walking by as I came back,” Damian said as Ember waved to them with a smile.

“Hi! It’s nice to meet Jon and Damian’s friends! Damian doesn’t admit it, but we’re friends,” Ember greeted, saying the last part in a mock whispered that had the group snorting while Damian rolled his eyes. “But call me Elle! Practically everyone does,” she said as the group smiled at her.

“How’d you meet him?” Kim asked leaning onto the table, wanting to know the story since when he first met Damian so long ago the dude was rather cold still.

“Jon. I was friends with Jon since he helped me in elementary school. And so then Jon and Damian became sorta friends. When that happened, I was introduced to Damian. It was hard but he likes me now,” she said and the group nodded.

“Is he still called ‘Ice Prince’?” Nino asked, pushing his cap back a bit.

“Oh ya. I have been warned against talking to him by like....everyone it seems at some point since I joined GA this year,” Ember said with a laugh and Damian had a smirk at that, a soft snort leaving him that only Mari heard.

“Really? Why’s that?” Max asked then, pausing in his typing on his phone.

“All the freshmen get warned about him. Even tho it was...what....years ago that you broke a kid’s arm?” Ember asked looking over at Damian who nodded.

“Yes. I broke a kids arm when I was in fifth grade. Give or take 8 years ago,” Damian replied and Ember nodded.

“Wait......freshmen? You were warned about him even thou you were there for that?” Kim asked confused and Ember shook her head.

“I wasn’t there for that exactly. I’m a freshman right now....well sophomore now while they’re seniors.”

“Oh, ok. You’re younger than them,” Nino replied and Ember nodded with a smile.

“H-hey, Mari?” a timid voice called. The group turned to see Alya standing there looking rather shy, which was weird for them. “I talked to Ms. Bustier and got us the day off. I thought you’d like to have a break from working and hang out with your friends,” Alya said and Mari gave the girl a small smile and nod.

“Thank you, Alya,” Mari said and Alya gave Mari one last timid smile before going back to the others that were sort of being shunned by Mari and her friends.

“That was nice of her,” Damian commented as he watched Alya sit down, looking down, he could only guess it was her phone.

“It was,” Mari agreed, she knew, or could guess that is, why Alya was doing it. But she wasn’t sure she’d be able to forgive Alya and the others yet, let alone become their friends again, after everything.

“Since we have the day off, why don’t we do something?” Lila asked with a tilt of her head. The group nodded excitedly in agreement.

“We should! Maybe a park?” Sabrina suggested and the group nodded as Mari looked over at Damian with a tilt of her head.

“Are there any parks you’d suggest for us to visit?” Mari asked and Damian’s head tilted just slightly as he thought about it before nodding.

“Yes. There’s a lovely park a few miles away. Not many people visit it due to it being owned by Poison Ivy, but that’s even better since there won’t be any ruckus to disturb the beauty,” Damian said, and that had Mari beaming.

“Really? Let’s go!” Mari said and the group laughed softly at her eagerness. They all stood up and left the hotel, following Damian as he led the way while Ember chatted with Lila about the two, and Jon was distracted by his girlfriend and boyfriend.

Damian had the softest look on his face as he watched Mari look around the park in awe. He watched as she flitted about sketching things and taking pictures. Jon had a small smile as he looked between his lovers and Damian. “You should ask her out,” Jon said softly as Mari talked excitedly with her friends.

“Maybe I will,” Damian said softly as he started making his way over to Mari. Mari glanced over curious when Lila pointed out he was coming over. “May I speak to you alone?” he asked and Mari nodded and followed him to a willow tree at the corner and pack of the park with lanterns hanging intermittently from its branches.

Foxy @actingfordays

OMG!!! Look what’s happening!!! Is it what I think!?!? #omg #isit? #opt *picture of Damian and Mari under the willow tree*

      A Blocked Owl @owlforlife

      Oh my god. THE OTP IS HAPPENING!!! #otp #iceprincesunshine #sunshinechild

Ok, so this update was delayed....but I did get this done BEFORE wednesday!! So hah! I hope you guys enjoyed this chap! I bet you guys can guess whats gonna happen next chap!! Until next time!! -Love Willa<3<3<3

[writingkeepsmewhole]

Emotions

This is part 6 of Kitten. This is kinda a longer one. It’s also kinda fluffy. Please let me know what you think! I love hearing from my readers!

Fic Summery: Sophia has never known love, her always picking the “good guy” him always turning out to be like a snake in the weeds. What will happen when shes took home one night by a “bad guy” him showing her things she never knew about herself.

Part Summery:Dean explains some more of his kinks. Sophia reaching her braking point.

Warnings: Talk of BDSM, pet play, mentions of past self harm, and abuse.

Let me know if you want to be tagged would love to add you: @vicmc624​ @deanwanddamons​ @that-one-gay-girl @akshi8278​ @loelizabeth100 @nihilismworld​

Part 1 Part 5

I ended up falling asleep for a few hours. My dreams are full of being tied up or shoved in a cage.

Despite that I wasn't afraid when I woke up. More like confused. Never dreaming anything like that before my mind raced.

I wanted to know more but I knew that I wanted to hear it from Dean.

Climbing out of bed, the clock telling me it was noon I went into the bathroom.

After taking care of business I used the toothbrush Dean left me.

I wanted to take a shower but had no idea if I could or if I even had clothes.

I knew I could just look around my room for them but instead I found myself wanting to ask Dean.

I sit on the bed staring at the phone debating on whether to call him or not.

He said he was going to a meeting but he also said to call him for anything.

Chewing my lip I settled on a text instead. That way I wouldn't bother him too much.

I go to the messages and quickly type out something hitting send before I changed my mind.

I don't expect a response so I nearly jump out of my skin when my phone dings.

Looking down I reread the message I just sent then his.

"Can I take a shower? I also need clothes. Sorry for bothering you."

"Yes sweetheart you can take a shower and you can wear some of mine. I told Sam to bring you some. Never think you're bothering me ever."

I swallow reading his last sentence hearing it in his voice. It made my stomach flip.

I jump again when a knock comes from my door.

I expect it to open but when I realize it's not going to I stand up and open it.

Sam stood there holding a pile of folded clothes, a towel and a bag full of supplies.

"Dean said you wanted a shower." He says smiling at me.

I blush and nod wondering how this must look or feel to Sam.

I feel like he has been cleaning up my messes since I got here.

"He will be here by the time you get out but feel free to take your time." He says handing me the stuff.

I nod and smile back.

"See you in a bit." He says turning on his heel and walking down the hall, his hands in his pockets.

I close my door back then head into the bathroom.

Closing that door as well I don't bother locking it. I had a feeling they wouldn't walk in on me.

I set the stuff down and dug through the bag finding everything you need for a shower even a razor.

My heart drops at the sight. Looking at my still bandage wrist I hate that I felt so low. I was mad at Harry for making me feel like that.

He claimed to love me but had never done anything to prove it. I was taken better care of by two strangers then he ever did.

Looking at myself in the mirror I couldn't remember the last time I did it. Surely it must have been a long time because I didn't recognize the person I was looking at.

I was pale, nothing but skin and bones. I looked tired. But there was a fire in my eyes that I had never seen before. Determination.

I wasn't going to let what happen to me change my life forever.

I wasn't going to let another person's actions make me take my life away.

Taking a deep breath I nod at myself then step into the shower.

I was halfway through when I heard the door open quickly smacking into the wall.

"Sophia please come out right now." Dean's voice fills my ears.

It panicked and raspy as if he was running.

When his hand, holding a towel is pushed into the shower I know something is wrong.

With my heart racing I place the razor I was using for my legs down and turn off the water.

Grabbing the towel I barely have it wrapped around me before Dean pulls back the curtain.

His jade eyes bounce all over my body then up to my face.

"You didn't do any harm to yourself did you?" He asks looking into my eyes.

I shake my head carefully stepping out of the shower.

I watch and hear him take a breath of relief. He steps closer to me, surprising me by lifting his hand gently laying it on my cheek.

"When Sam told me he gave you a razor I thought you might have done something to yourself." He says softly his thumb rubbing my cheekbone.

His words make me blush and butterflies fill my stomach.

'He was worried about me?' I think looking up at him.

My heart starts to pound when Dean leans down. Closing the gap between us my eyes shut without thinking about it.

They open right back up when I feel his soft lips press to my forehead.

"I'll let you finish your shower. Come find me when you're done." He says taking a step back, his hand leaving my face.

I almost frown at the lack of touch. Him looking me over one more time but this time it was less frantic. His eyes darkened slightly. This time it made a heat settle in my lower stomach.

He leaves me alone letting me return to my shower which I do.

When I get out the second time I dry off and get dressed in the clothes Sam brought me.

It was a simple black t-shirt and sweats. There was a pair of boxers I had to roll up once to keep from falling off. Making me glad the pants had a drawstring in them. Not that it mattered, Dean's shirt's practically made a dress on me anyway.

I towel dried my dripping hair seeing my reflection once again.

In just a span of forty five minutes I looked better. Funny how a shower could do that for you.

I didn't have any shoes but Sam did give me some socks so after I was dressed in them I padded my way out of my bath and bedroom looking for Dean.

It wasn't hard to find him and Sam sitting in the kitchen talking.

Dean had a cup of coffee in front of him, Sam sipping on a glass of water.

Sam saw me first him facing the door.

"Hey Sophia." He says smiling at me.

I smile and wave back.

Dean turns his head looking at me over his shoulder.

He was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. A red flannel over it and boots.

It was surprising to see how he looked good in anything. On second thought no it wasn't he was perfect. The more I looked at Dean his face was perfect. The memory of seeing him work out reminded me so was his body.

"Come sit and let me look at your wrist." Dean says orders but it still sounded kind.

I do as he says sitting down as he opens up the first aid kit already on the table.

"Do you guys want some lunch? I'm starving." Sam says looking at us.

I shrug, never really hungry anymore. Dean looks up at Sam and chuckles.

"Relax Sammy I'm not gonna do anything with her. You don't have to leave the room every time we are together." Dean says teasing his brother.

Sam rolls his eyes but gets up and leaves anyway.

"He's so up tight sometimes." Dean says unwrapping my wrist.

I didn't want to look at it so I kept the bandage on.

It wasn't as bad as I thought. It was a nasty gagged gash but it didn't bleed after he unwrapped it.

"It needs to breathe for a bit so just don't move around too much don't want to rip it open okay?" Dean asks looking at me.

I nod and look up at him not wanting to look at it any longer not wanting to remember that night.

"Well Sam probably didn't go get food so I was gonna make some burgers." He says but I feel like it's a question.

I smile and nod telling him that's fine.

"Alright you can sit here and keep me company or do whatever you like." He says pushing himself up from the table.

I don't even hint at moving. Despite not knowing him for long I felt more comfortable around Dean then I did anyone.

I wish I could ask him how his day went or even ask about the weather but my mouth just wouldn't form the words.

Dean didn't seem to mind him humming old rock songs to himself as he moved around the kitchen.

But I minded. The more I was around Dean the more I found myself wanting to talk. To have a real conversation.

I took a deep breath knowing that wasn’t going to hap[en any time soon.

At the sound of my sigh, Dean turns and looks at me over his shoulder.

“Are you alright?” He asks, earning a nod from me then a shrug.

“You don’t know huh?”

I shake my head. I had no idea how I was feeling. I was one big ball of confusion at the moment.

“Is it because of what we have been talking about or something else?”

I nod that the main part of my why I was feeling the way I was.

“Do you have questions or just want another lesson?” He asks turning off the stove and moving the cooked burgers onto buns.

I chew my lip not knowing how to answer that without words. I had questions but was too embarrassed to ask them.

“Alright how about this…” Dean says bringing the food to the table.

Him placing a well dressed burger in front of me.

“...I write down some topics and you pick which one you want to talk about?” He says questioning me with his eyes.

I nod smiling, that sounding perfect to me.

“Okay let me get some paper, you eat your food.” He says surprising me but gently strokes my cheek before he leaves the room.

It makes my face heat up the feel of his touch almost seeming to burn me but in a comforting way.

I couldn’t help but notice I didn’t jump or flinch around him. As if my mind knew he would never hurt me.

With my face red I take a bite off my food almost moaning at how good it tasted. I knew Dean could cook or at least make breakfast but this was the best thing I’ve ever had.

I had a mouth full when Dean returned him smiling at me.

“Your so fucking cute.” He says making me blush again.

I use my hands to hide my mouth as I chew.

“Alright let’s see here.” He says sitting down across from me, setting loose paper in front of him. 

He bends over and starts writing out words.

I looked at them trying to read them but it was tricky upside down.

“There that should be plenty to start with. We already covered the basics but we can go more into detail if you want to.” He says handing the page to me.

I glanced at it, surprised at his pretty handwriting. A list of forain words making my mind race once again.

There were at least ten things on the list so I just pointed to the first thing.

“Pet play? Good choice.” He says smiling at me.

I smile and drop my head an odd sense of pride filling me. Happy that I picked something he liked.

“Pet play is as complicated or as simple as you want it to be.” He says making me look back up at him.

“It’s where the sub - remember what the word means?” He asks, taking a bite of his food. Him not asking in a mocking way like he assumed I forgot already more like he was just making sure.

I nod, knowing what it meant.

“Alright, well it’s where the sub takes on the role of an animal. The most common are kittens or puppies. Though they can be any animal. Cow, sheep, horse, you name it. They act as that animal dose. Doing so allows them to get out of their head. They only have to think about playing with a ball or a jingly bell. It’s something they use to relieve stress. It doesn't have to be sexual though there are people who prefer it to be.” He says moving to sit next to me.

My heart starts to pick up but it settles when he only gently grabs my wrist and the first aid kit.

“This is something the sub can do alone but they have a dom or what people like to call an owner or even master they can do more things. Most of the time the dom will give the sub a collar to wear just like a dog or cat. That marks them as theirs.” He says gently cleaning the gash on my wrist.

I don’t know if he was doing that to distract me or to keep his hands busy but it was hard to focus on both things.

“It can be very degrading or very playful and fun depending on what the sub wants. Something you should always remember in this world, the sub is really the one in control.” He says smiling at me.

I look at him confused having no idea how that could be. I thought the dom made the rules.

“We’ll talk about that later. Where was I? Oh yeah, a pet normally wears ears and a tail showing off what kind of pet they are. It is something the sub uses to express themselves. Like I said they act like an animal. It’s the dom’s job to take care of and train them. The same way you would for a pet.” He says, fascinating me with the information.

“It’s actually one of my favorite things to do.” He says wrapping up my wrist, his eyes not meeting mine.

“I like it because I like training a bad pet to be a good one. I like seeing a woman relax and just give into that side of herself. It’s almost as good a primal play.” He says, making me look at him with confusion.

I don’t know why anyone would want to act that way but I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to try.

“That’s a lesson for another time. One when you feel completely safe with me.” He says, making my stomach flip.

I knew what he meant but it didn’t stop the thoughts from filling my head. Thoughts I shouldn’t be having for a stranger.

“Are you giving sex 101?” Sam asks as he walks into the kitchen.

I blush knowing he must have heard what we were talking about.

“Yes, she had questions.”

“Oh I bet she did.” Sam says walking to the fridge to get a bottle of water.

“Try not to freak her out too much.” Sam says smiling at me kindly.

“My kicks aren't as bad as yours.” Dean says, making Sam laugh.

“You can come to the darkside whenever you want to.” Sam says, making me confused as he leaves the room.

“Ignore him. He likes to get one over on me because he likes the heavy stuff.” Dean says putting the first aid stuff away.

I lift an eyebrow at Dean wanting to know what he was talking about.

“The book you were reading is Sam’s.” He says making my face redden for a totally different reason.

Dean laughs and gets up to get something to drink.

“Relax he won’t care that you read it.” He says, bringing me back a bottle of water.

He sits down with his beer and opens it. I can’t help but look at the glass in his hand.

A shiver of fear goes through me knowing what happens when men drink too much. I don’t know how I didn’t notice Dean drinks.

“What’s wrong Sophia?” He asks, making my eyes snap up to his.

I shake my head and smile, not wanting him to know the worries on my mind.

“Something just went through your head. What scared you?”

I shake my head again having no idea how to answer him. Scared I would make him angry with my answer.

“Please tell me. I won’t get mad I promise.” He says with his green eyes meeting mine. Them so serious I believed him.

I point at the bottle in his hand making his forehead wrinkle in confusion.

It takes him a second to realize what I’m pointing at.

“You don’t want me to drink this?” He asks, holding it up.

I shrug and wrap my arms around myself, feeling the air shift around us.

“You think I’ll hurt you if I do?” He says, his voice deepening.

I drop my eyes from his to the table, not wanting to answer him. I jump when I hear the clink of the glass being set down on the table. The sound of Dean pushing his chair back makes my heart pound.

‘Why did you tell him?’ I scream at myself as I hear him walk closer to me.

I close my eyes tightly, my heart racing in my chest telling me to run. But I stayed still, the blood rushing in my ears. I would have screamed or cried out if I could when his hand landed on my arm.

Instead of the harsh grip I was expecting it was soft, barely there. Dean’s hand slowly moved from my neck to my face lifting it to look up at him.

His eyes softened when they met mine. My eyes wet from unshed tears.

“He really hurt you, didn't he?” He says softly. So soft I don’t think I was meant to hear it.

“I’m sorry I scared you. Or made you think I was going to harm you. Trust me when I get drunk I get horny not violent.” He says cracking a small smile trying to cheer me up.

I can’t stop the twitch in my face, my gut telling me to believe him. His smile grows making mine grow as well.

“I think it’s time for a nap huh?” He asks softly.

I nod, knowing it’s only barely two in the afternoon but I could use a nap.

“Alright well let's clean up our mess then take one.” He says rubbing my cheek with his thumb, then taking a step back.

I have to fight the urge to grab his hand from leaving my face. Knowing that was wrong. Dean didn’t see me that way and I shouldn’t see him that way either. It was just that I felt comfortable with him. Too comfortable.

I helped Dean clean up, it didn’t take that long. Then I follow him back to my room.

Once in my own room I took a breath feeling safe in there. It's like a bubble blocked away from the rest of the world.

Dean moves over to the chair in the corner and sits down with a dark look on his face. I bite my lip wanting to say something but I wouldn't know what to say even if I could. So I stand there next to my bed feeling awkward. My face was still hot from almost crying.

That seemed so long ago even though it was minuents. Dean’s eyes trace over me, making me wrap my arms around myself I look at the floor.

“I should go.” He says pushing himself up and walking towards the door.

I don’t stop myself this time, grabbing the bottom of his flannel, he pauses. He turns around his hand gently taking mine.

I close my eyes when he gently lifts my head to look at him.

“Look at me.” He says softly.

I do as he asks my eyes slowly opening my heart pounds as his green gaze stairs into mine.

His thumb strokes my cheek, as his other lands on my hip. I watch him swallow as he pulls me closer to him. My heart picks up the feel of his toned body pressing into mine. I grab the front of his shirt wanting something to hold onto. My head starts swimming with thoughts making a fog cloud my mind.

I suck in a breath watching his tongue drag over his bottom lip. My heart drops when he clenches his jaw and takes a step away from me.

A cold wave washing over me as the heat from his touch leaves me.

“I’ll let you sleep.” He says his voice deeper than it was moments ago.

He takes another step back then turns to head towards the door. A flood of emotions rush up from my chest. The past few months events invade my brain. It made my breath catch in my throat.

I wrap my arms tightly around myself, digging my nails into my arms to keep myself from breaking down right there. It was messed up but there was a war inside my head and Dean somehow kept it from killing me.

I was broken and I just wanted to scream. My lip quivered and I could feel my throat start to close up. Maybe that’s why I was shocked when Dean’s name rolled off my tongue.

It was a whisper, barley that, but it was enough to make him stop in his tracks.

Lifting my head I looked up at him, knowing I looked as crazy as I felt. My eyes most likely bloodshot a waterfall of tears running down my face.

He doesn't say anything, only takes one long stride to get to me, his large arms wrapping around me. As soon as his skin makes contact with mine my knees buckle. My body is no longer able to hold itself up.

I bury my face in Dean’s T-shirt a raspy gasp leaving my mouth as I cry into his chest.

Dean doesn't say anything only bends down enough to pick me up. He walks the few feet to my bed and sits down placing me in his lap.

I curl up my face hidden in his neck and shoulder. He holds me close to him, his large hand placed on my thigh the other stroking my hair.

We sit like that for I don’t know how long. Neither of us spoke. The sound of me taking a raspy breath from time to  time filled the air. Soon even that sound faded leaving only the soft sound of mine and Dean’s breathing.

He gently presses his lips to my forehead pulling my wadded up blanket over the both of us. I lift my arms up wrapping them around his neck hugging him. He returns it, then gently pushes me back enough to look at my face.

“Feel better?” He asks softly,as if he didn’t want to break the bubble around us.

I nod, it's the truth. I felt better. A lot better. It helped to just let everything out. Not having to hide the hurt and pain swimming around in my head.

“Good.” He says once again stroking my cheek with his thumb.

I close my eyes and lean into his touch. It is so different from what I was used to. I could feel the callus on Dean’s hands but they felt like velvet when he touched me.

Taking a deep breath I open my eyes meeting his green ones.

“I don’t like seeing you like that. Especially when I’m the cause of it.” He says solemnly

I shake my head not wanting him to think that was because of him. That was from everything becoming too much. I reached my breaking point.

“Either way, I promise to never make you feel like this again.” He says stroking my cheek again.

I nod and smile softly. Moving closer to him I tuck myself into him, scared he will want to leave if we keep talking.

He pulls me as close to him as I can get, him picking me up just enough so he could lay me down.

Thinking he is doing exactly what I don’t want him to do, a soft whine leaves my throat. It makes a chuckle leave Dean’s.

“I’m not going anywhere, Kitten.” He says kicking off his boots and laying back down next to me.

It surprises me how I move to wrap around him as if he’s a log keeping me afloat in the ocean. He smiles down at me, his hand resting on my hip. His other one tucked under his head. I hold onto the front of his t-shirt, it damp from my tears. Placing my forehead on his shoulder I take a deep breath. It was still shaky but I felt better, almost normal.

Dean wraps his arm around my back pulling me closer and kisses the top of my head.

“Sleep little one, you've had a rough day.” He says gently rubbing my back.

I nod agreeing with him. My day has definitely been emotionally taxing. With Dean’s soft petting and the sound of his even breathing and heartbeat I fall asleep quickly. The sound of Dean’s name leaving my mouth filling my dreams.

[dakotacrisis]

Pig Nose AU

Also known as the Penelope AU. Also a thinly disguised Beauty and the Beast AU. Also known as My-Ancestors-Fucked-Up-So-I’m-Paying-For-It AU

(Part 1-7 here)

---

PART 8!

Nino and Alya stared at Adrien for a solid minute and the engagement ring on his finger. Finally it was Nino that broke out of the trance first.

Nino: ok...what the hell did we miss?

Adrien informed them what transpired with Chloe and Marinette.

Nino: let me get this straight. i invite the girl you are crushing on to your party so you can make up and you end up engaged to the girl you despise?

Adrien: yeah pretty much

Nino: i’m going to kill you

Adrien: marrying her will break my curse

Nino: if you wanted a quickie marriage to break the curse then why not just ask Marinette again? i know it didn’t work out the first time but if the curse--

Alya: um, babe, i never told you did i?

Nino: told me what?

Alya: guys, Marinette isn’t a blue blood

Adrien: come again?

Alya took Nino and Adrien outside where it was quieter to explain the situation. Marinette Cheng, heiress and descendant of the Qing dynasty wasn’t real. Marinette Dupain-Cheng, daughter of local bakers and struggling to make rent fashion design student was real. Chloe and Alya, had hired Marinette to sneak in under an alias and get a picture of Adrien using a live video camera hidden in the ladybug brooch she always wore to the dates.

It all finally clicked into place. Why Marinette worked at a bakery. Why she had always seemed so down to earth on their dates. Why she had said no to his proposal.

Adrien: she could never break my curse...that’s why she said no...

Alya: i’m sorry for all of this. i should have never gone chasing after what my mom let go. it only ended up hurting people

Adrien: i gotta go. i’ll talk to you guys later

With that Adrien wandered away from the bar and out into the night. All night he paced the city thinking over what Alya had told him. He twisted the ring on his finger with a sigh. He could always marry Chloe and get the curse broken then go talk to Marinette.

He ran a hand over the scarf wrapped around his neck. Or he could say fuck it and call off the engagement before Chloe had a chance to tell anyone. He could find Marinette and talk this through. If what Alya said was true then she really didn’t care about his nose or his ears or the curse. She liked him. She liked the person he was and not what his appearance made him seem.

But then his thoughts bounced back to his parents. They had done everything in their power to shield him from a world that could have reacted horribly to him. They had changed their entire lives to keep him a secret. Spent a small fortune searching for a way to break his curse. If he had a way to make all that they had done worth it shouldn’t he take it?

Besides, what Chloe said was right. After the curse was broken they could just get divorced and then it wouldn’t matter. Unless of course the curse had some failsafe none of his family knew about that would regrow the snout and floppy ears the second the marriage was over. What if he got married, the curse broke, they divorced and it came back? What if the marriage had to be permanent?

This was all getting to be too much.

As the sun started to rise over the city Adrien finally started to make his way back to his apartment. It wasn’t anything special. A little nicer than what he would have been able to afford if it wasn’t for the fact his parents were giving him access to a small allowance to help with his living expenses.

He had just entered his bedroom and flopped onto the bed when his phone started going off. Nope! He turned it off and went to sleep. When he woke up it was well past noon. The shop was closed today so he didn’t need to worry about being late to work at least.

He glanced down at the ring still on his finger with a small grimace. He still needed to decide what he was going to do about that. He had two few options but neither came without down sides.

Option 1: Marry Chloe, break the curse, divorce, risk curse coming back and being married to Chloe permanently

Option 2: Call off the engagement, try to make up with Marinette, live forever with a pig face and disappoint his parents

Adrien went to his phone and turned it back on. Immediately his phone was flooded with notifications of unread texts and missed calls. This couldn’t be good.

The most seemed to be from his parents so he called his mom first.

Emelie: hello sweetheart!

Adrien: hey mom, what is going on? my phone is blowing up

Emelie: sorry about that but we couldn’t get through and we were just so excited

Adrien’s stomach sank.

Adrien: excited about what?

Emelie: your engagement to Chloe! it’s all over the news!

FUCK!

His dad’s voice came over the phone this time.

Gabriel: Adrien, son, so proud of you for doing the right thing! don’t worry about planning, your mother and i are taking care of all of it.

Adrien: mom, dad, just hold on a second--

Emelie: and as for a ring for Chloe don’t worry I already went to the jeweler and found a perfect one. you can give it to her at the engagement party this weekend

Adrien: it hasn’t even been 24 hours! can we slow down for a moment? how have you two been able to plan all this in such a short time?

Gabriel: Adrien, we’ve been preparing for this day for over eighteen years. if at all possible we would have had a ceremony ready for tonight

Adrien: you guys sure do want me to marry Chloe that much huh?

Emelie: yes! the curse will be broken and you’ll finally be able to lead a normal life! it’s what we’ve always dreamed of

Adrien: right...what you always wanted. a nice normal life with a nice normal son.

Emelie: sweetheart, is something wrong? you don’t sound happy. this nightmare if finally going to end

Adrien: i am happy mom. really happy.

Gabriel: goodness Emelie, the poor idiot is probably hungover from partying last night. let him rest and when he’s sobered up he’ll sound a lot better

Adrien wished he was hungover right now. It’d be a better reason for the pounding in his head.

---

(tagged)

@immatureidiot101 @magic-miraculous @miscellaneous-ace