#like have i gone to sleep at 2am on multiple business days last week and the previous one because i was knitting away? i can neither confir

[strayheat]

MY RAMEN BLANKIE 🍜🍜

context; everyone around me is getting into crocheting and I Want Also. i do not own a crochet hook. i do however, own knitting needles and a Very Yellow yarn to spare >>:)

tldr; made the first square, feedback team said it looked like ramen noodles, i am making a ramen noodles blankie now >:3c

this is the plan: (×more squares)

PLUS UM. i have a real cute border idea for when all the rest is ready but. i rly like it and i dont wamna say it bc bc um👉👈 if i pretend i dont care about it maybe i'll actually get to the point of making it.. 🤲 (its rly fun though trust)

and now. the journey so far

bit wobbly i'll admit BUT‼️‼️ isnt it ramen coded :^)

aaaaandd 👉👈 look at this

LOOK!!!!!! 🤲🤲 my most recent one vs. my first one

i connected two of em together to see if it'll work at all and it kinda did, here's more progress

and as of right now i have 8 squares done (WAHOO💪💪) and ive run out of the ✨️✨️yellow mystery yarn✨️ <- got it from a friend years ago, i have no info on it and i know Nothing abt yarn so. im now playing checkers in a world built for chess sigh.. 😔😔 being very brave though

here's where we're at now!!

the 8th square was still a ball of yarn then >:)

more yarn to arrive this week and then its beast mode babey!!!!!

((im thinking the blankie will need approx. 50 ish squares?? at least. if i want it to be a sensible size bUT!! maybe ill do a border reveal when im more squares in hm👁👁 who's to say))

bonus: heres how these little guys start out hehe

and unraveling the previous thing i had made >:))

[briefololtragedy]

A small light in the darkness

Oneshot that popped into my head.

Pairing: Sakura x Shisui

Rating T, mentions of war and PTSD

Summary: Shisui couldn’t recognize himself anymore. What was the point anymore. After a night of poor sleep Shisui decides to go to a local coffee shop, meeting a certain pink haired student for the first time.

Word count: 1971

His heart started to race, flashes crossing his mind, he could feel the sweat starting to cover his body. Shisui shot straight up from his slumber.

“It was just a dream. Not real. I’m back home. I’m safe. My family is safe.” Shisui kept repeating to himself. He was no longer deployed, he had come back home a few months ago. Shisui was supposed to be deployed for 6 more months, but he ended up taking shrapnel to his eyes in an explosion.  Thankfully he didn’t loose his eyesight, he was told he was lucky. Shisui didn’t feel lucky, like his sight his life was blurry. Shisui had spent almost a month in the hospital following multiple surgeries. Even there some of the noises triggered memories that were not pleasant. Dr. Tsunade had seen the signs he was exhibiting and placed him into therapy.

He felt like a shell of what he used to be. Shisui couldn’t bring himself to joke, when he did he would remember the faces of the men who didn’t survive the explosion. They were all gathered around one of the fire pits they set up outside, the men had gotten letters from home. One of them was showing off pictures of his new daughter, a bright smile on his face. The solider was due to go back home in a few weeks. Instead of being hugged by his adoring wife and getting to hold his daughter for the first time, he went home in a body bag instead. No cute video to be taken of him seeing his family. Instead she would stand on the tarmac with the other wives. Dark thoughts were overtaking Shisui. He would have traded places with …Asuma, that was his name, in a heart beat.

What did Shisui have to go home to? An empty one bedroom apartment. His cousin Itachi was preparing to get married to his high school sweetheart. Shisui felt his hands begin to shake. Venturing out to his balcony he reached inside the potted plant to grab his pack of cigarettes. It was a bad habit he picked up during one of his deployments. It was still dark out, around 2am. The lighter providing a hypnotic glow as he went to light the cigarette. It burned as he inhaled the first drag, but it reminded him he was alive. As he looked around it was blurry, he forgot his fucking glasses. The blurriness of his surroundings started to take him back. The yelling, the smell of everything burning, how he couldn’t see. It was a surprise attack, no warning.

He let out a yell. Hopelessness overcame him. Before he knew it he was on the floor rocking back and forth. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Why couldn’t he do anything right. Why couldn’t he protect his men. All he wanted was to make sure his family remained safe. That his cousin didn’t have to worry, he deserved to live a life with his loving sweetheart as his younger brother tried to best him. He didn’t want anyone to suffer, he would take all the suffering if it meant others could be happy.

Shisui had to take calming breaths. His heart rate was slowing down. The shaking slowing down. He still could feel the unexplained worry. Was Itachi alright? Shisui grabbed his phone looking at the last message Itachi sent.

‘Just got home from the office. Izumi is making dinner. She says I can’t have any more sweets before the wedding. Stay safe and don’t forget your therapy appointment in the morning.’

Itachi was safe. He was where he is supposed to be. Shisui looked at the time, it was almost 5am. His attack took 3 hours from him. It wasn’t the longest attack, but also not the shortest he has had. Shisui decided to change into sweatpants, a simple T-shirt, and his running shoes. He hoped a run would help clear his mind.

10 miles. Shisui had run 10 miles. His legs ached, his chest was tight, but it was a good feeling. The tingling of his muscles was a welcome feel. He felt more in control of his body. Jumping into the shower to get ready for the day it was like washing some of the memories away. He knew he couldn’t wash them away for good, but even a few moments would suffice. Brushing his teeth he cleaned the mirror and looked at his reflection. He could barely recognize the person staring back at him. He felt older than 33, he could see his scares around his eyes, so faint, but a reminder of his failures. ‘Don’t go there Shisui, don’t ruin your work this morning.’

After getting dressed Shisui looked at the time it was almost 8. He had plenty of time to get some coffee before his therapy session. It had been a while since he last sat in a coffee shop drinking a cup of coffee, watching people hustle and bustle with the start of their day. Mind made up he grabbed his keys and headed out.

Leaf Coffee and Tea was a local shop Downtown, close to his apartment and his therapist’s office wasn’t too far either. Ordering a simple black coffee Shisui settled down into the worn leather chairs by the large windows. He was able to see the pedestrians walking down the street along with everyone in the shop. Men and women in suits came in ordered their drinks and then looked impatient as they waited for their orders. Feet tapping on the floor and occasionally glancing at their watches. He heard a bunch of giggling high school students at one of the large tables in the center of the coffee shop. It was hilarious to see some of the college students glare at the group as they studied.

Shisui reclined his head back, taking a moment to close his eyes and take everything in. The noises around him were almost comforting. He could hear odd bits of conversations. Then he felt it. A pressure on his shoulder. He jolted up, on high alert.

“Excuse me sir. I didn’t mean to startle you. Is there anyone sitting in this chair?” The voice was soft. He looked to his right and paused. The sight before him was familiar for some reason. He had gotten use to the desert that surrounded him, the lack of color. However, it seemed there was no lack of color with the person standing before him. She had navy stockings on, a grey skirt that came mid thigh, her blouse was a dark forest green. But it wasn’t her outfit that packed the color punch, but the girl herself. Her eyes could put a forest to shame with how green they were. Did trees weep, jealous of the emerald color. Her hair was gathered in a braid it looked like, but he had no clue what type, small pieces framed her face, he wondered if she dyed it that pink. When he went to look at her face again and noticed the pink eyebrows and eyelashes he had no doubt her color was natural. She looked like a nature spirt walking around disguised as a person.

“Uh… sorry I didn’t catch that.” Shisui felt like he wanted to kick himself.

“I wanted to know if this seat was taken. There are no more open places to sit. Are you waiting for anyone?” She didn’t look annoyed. She had removed her hand from his shoulder. He then noticed that she carried her own cup of coffee, but also a really heavy looking book.

“No. I’m not saving the seat, please sit down.” She moved like a ballerina, so graceful. Graceful until she flopped herself in the seat.

“Thanks! I got here later than I expected and my usual seat was gone. This coffee shop tends to get pretty busy. I blame my idiot roommate, she silenced my alarm, said I needed to stop studying for a moment. I adore her like a sister, but we have different priorities….” She kept talking and then trialed off.

 “I’m so sorry! I started to ramble, don’t mind me sir.” A blush spread across her cheeks. Good she looked so young, maybe late teens early twenties. He felt like a perv.

 “No problem, it’s nice to have some company. “ Smooth, very smooth. She relaxed at his words. Shisui hadn’t felt this relaxed in…well he couldn’t remember when.

 “Did you just move to the area? I haven’t seen you here before.” She didn’t look up from her textbook as she spoke.

 “No I’ve lived here for some time. This coffee place is new to me. I haven’t been here before. “ his coffee was almost gone as he looked into his cup. He wanted to savor these last few sips and the company he was with. Here he was just a man, talking to a woman (hoping she was closer to the early twenties mark).  

 Before she could ask more questions he spoke. “What are you studying for? That is quite the book you got.” Man could he sound more like an old man.

 “Oh this is just a review book. I’m in my last year of medical school and have to take test before applying to residency. I like to come here and study for a change of scenery.”  She started to pull out a bag full of highlighters, pens, and post its. How could one person need so many pens.

 He didn’t know how to respond. His people skills were getting to almost Sasuke level bad it seemed. He could hear a ringing and then realized it was his phone.

 “Hey Itachi. Yes I’m fine, I went to get coffee this morning. Yes I won’t forget. I have 30 minutes before I have to be there. Who died and made you my mother?” God why was Itachi such a mother hen! Well Shisui knew why and appreciated it most of the time. In all honesty he almost forgot he had a therapy session soon.

 “Yes I can come over for dinner tonight. Do you need me to bring anything? Got it. “ Shisui realized that the woman’s eyes were on him.

 “Sorry about that. That was my cousin. I should probably get going soon.” He looked at his coffee, it was empty. Disappointment filling his cup instead of coffee.

 “Your cousin Itachi, he wouldn’t happen to have a brother named Sasuke would he? “ Don’t freak out Shisui, don’t freak out. She doesn’t look like a stalker.

 “Yes he has a younger brother named Sasuke.” His voice was full of apprehension.

 “Oh my! You must be Shisui! I have been friends with Sasuke since college, well more like Naruto initially dragged him to all of our group gatherings. “ She knew Sasuke and was friends with him, yep he felt like a pervert. However, that meant she was more around 25 and not as young as she appeared.

 “I should let you go to your meeting. I’m Sakura by the way.” She held her hand out. His heart started to race again, but this time it wasn’t surrounding unpleasant flashbacks, but nerves. God his hands were sweaty. The moment their hands touched, everything melted away.

 “ I guess that means I’ll be seeing you around.” Shisui had hope for the first time surfacing. A small light was starting to break through all of the darkness.

 As Shisui walked out of the shop he couldn’t help but look back. She was sitting with her legs folded under her engrossed in her studies. The way to his therapists office wasn’t the heavy march it has been in the past. Maybe he could see if Itachi and Izumi would have Sasuke and his friends join for one of their dinners.

[blkmxrvel]

i miss you.

Pairing: Scarlett Johansson x fem!reader

Words: 2k [2,179]

Request:Number 39 and Scarlett Johansson x fem!reader please :) thanks

Summary: Y/N is pregnant and misses her wife, and Scarlett has to give her girl whatever she wants. 

Warnings: angst (if you count being lonely and sad)

A/N: this is ass, and once again, a fluke. but. maybe?? i’ll back. idk, i didn’t a lot of requests that didn’t spark anything in them. so. yeah. anyways enjoy, catch u later. 

Being married to Scarlett, Y/N had gotten used to the nights her wife couldn’t make it home. Nights where she had to bundle up in an extra blanket to replace the warmth that she took when she’d leave. Y/N was plenty accustomed to the mornings she’d woken up and Scarlett wasn’t there. Where her side of the bed was cold and untouched, but at the same time burning a hole into her longing heart. It was just she

Usually, shw could handle it pretty well. She was able to keep herself busy and occupied; work her days away until Scarrlet came home. 

However, the pain always hit worse when Scarlett was filming out of town. Y/N took it hard when she had to facetime her before she slept because she had just gotten off set and she couldn’t kiss Y/N goodnight. She put a pillow through a hoodie that smelled like her and cuddled with it. She tried to imagine that Scarlett was right there with her. She usually had everything under control.

Except for now. 

Y/N was on her bed, cuddling the Scarlett pillow. She sobbed into it while she looked at the time. Scarlett had been away filming Black Widow, which meant she couldn’t be with you right now. That hurt you more than you knew it should’ve. 

Y/n was beating herself over her emotions right now. I mean, she was the one who urged Scarlett to go. Her wife was reluctant, Y/N was six months pregnant and was very apprehensive about leaving for so many months. Scarlett didn’t want to miss the doctors appointments, and the weird cravings at 2am. Y/N understood her wife’s worries, but still told Scarlett to go. 

“I’ll be fine, Scar.” Y/N wrapped her arms around Scar;ett’s shoulders. “Me and the baby will both be dandy. We’ll miss you, but we’ll be fine.”

Scarlett pouted as she looked into her wife’s eyes. “But it’s so long, and what if something happens? What if you go into early labor or the baby doesn’t kick or-”

Scarlett’s words were stopped when Y/N put her lips on hers. “Those are extreme cases, baby. And if anything goes wrong, you’ll be the first person to call.”

“B-” Y/N gave Scarlett a look and she knew to not continue. “Okay.”

“Thank you.” Y/N pressed her lips to Scarlett’s for the last time. “I love you. See you in a minute.” 

Needless to say, Y/N was regretting her words. 

Scarlett had only been gone for a month and Y/N had been losing her mind. Everything reminded her of Scarlett’s absence, and everything made her resolved crumbled more and more. She got that her wife was an actress, and sometimes filmed out of state. She’s been out of town before, sometimes for months on end. They facetimed to sleep like they usually did, and had been texting each other as much as possible during the day. 

This time though, the loneliness was hitting Y/N pretty hard. 

Y/N got tired of hearing her voice echo off the walls. She hated how no matter how loud she played her music, how much she watched TV or listened to podcasts, nothing was able to fill her heart like hearing her wife did. Her laugh when Y/N waddled over into the kitchen, or her screams when Y/N chased her around the house for eating her last pint of ice cream. The silence got too much for her. 

It had been two days since she heard from Scarlett, and she wasn’t sure how much more she could take. She wasn’t sure if it was because of her pregnancy, her hormones skyrocketing, or because she just really wanted Scarlett by her side like had been for these past few months. Either way, she just wanted her wife. Every second that Scarlett wasn’t next to Y/N was one more second that her heart broke. 

Y/N sent multiple texts to Scarlett throughout the day, knowing that she wouldn’t hear a reply back anytime soon. She soon gave up when the clock hit midnight.

Going back to her old methods of relief, Y/N sits on the couch. With a pint of ice cream in one hand, and the TV remote in the there, and a plate of apple pie on her lap, she decided to distract herself with Brooklyn 99. 

That didn’t work for too long though, because once she saw the dynamic is Amy and Jake, how they always made fun of each other, but love each other more, she began to think of Scarlett. She thought of how she missed Scarlett making fun of her, clowning her and teasing her throughout the day. She missed the way her face began to heat up, and her heart beat faster. She missed Scarlett. 

Y/N didn’t even realize she was crying until a sob went through her body. She put her food on the coffee table and curled into herself, sobbing into her knees. She was so lost in her thoughts, her vibrating phone breaking her out of them. 

When Y/N saw that it was Scarlett, her heart nearly exploded. She answered the facetime call, not forgetting to wipe her face beforehand. She doesn’t even have a chance to get a word in because as soon as Scarlett sees her wife’s puffy eyes and red nose, she’s worried and babbling everywhere. 

“Princess? Are you okay? What’s wrong? Is it the baby, is she okay? God, you’ve been calling me all day and I couldn’t answer. I’m so sorry, what’s going on?”

More tears trickle down from Y/N eyes when she thinks about her situation. She’s ashamed, embarrassed and sad, but she really misses her wife.

She sniffled a little before she responded.  

“I- I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m not usually like this. But I- I can’t take it anymore, Scarlett.” The tears were flowing freely from Y/N’s eyes. “Please come home. I miss you, so so much. I know I told you to go,I didn’t wanna be that selfish wife, but I need you here. I just miss waking up next to you and in your arms, please.” 

Scarlett’s heart completely shatters when she sees what kind of condition Y/N is in. She knew she shouldn’t have left, or took Y/N with her. This is all her fault and she feels completely terrible over it. 

“You know that I would if I could, baby. I miss you too, and I’m gonna be done pretty soon okay? Just a few more weeks and then I’ll be right next to you.” Y/N nods her head and continuous to wipe the tears that are running from her eyes. 

“Okay. I’m sorry, though. I wish I could blame it on the hormones but I can’t. I really, really, really miss you. Can just like… Act faster?” Y/N pouts and Scarlett just chuckles. Y/N feels her heart swell, she missed Scarlett’s laugh, more than anything. 

“I will try my hardest. I love you and our little girl so much. Don’t apologize though, everything’s okay.”

Y/N nods her head and slouches down onto the couch. She props the phone up on the coffee table and gets comfortable. She listens to Scarlett talk about her day, and all the action packed scenes she filmed. She even slipped in a few things she messed up on and prided herself on the way Y/N giggled. 

Y/N was fighting the struggle to keep her eyes open when Scarlett spoke up again. “I’m gonna go now, okay?” Y/N let out a big whine, her pout increasing. 

“It’s getting late, baby? You need to sleep. I’ll talk to you first thing tomorrow morning, okay? That’s my off day.” 

“No! Can you… Can we just stay on facetime? Please? I don’t think I can handle another night without hearing your voice. Or another morning without seeing your face.” Y/N pouts again and Scarlett just knows that she’s going to lose this battle. “You don’t even gotta talk! I just want ur presence, please?” 

“Well how can I say no to that?” Scarlett chuckles as she stands up from her bed, going into the bathroom and grabbing her toothbrush. Y/N tells Scarlett about her day as she brushes her teeth, how stupid work was and how she can’t wait to go on maternity leave. Scarlett answers when the situation allows, and by the time she steps into the shower Y/N’s words are slurring. It’s silent between the two of them, Y/N being lulled to sleep by the sound of the shower. 

When Scarlett steps out of the shower, Y/N is fast asleep. A fond smile on her face as she looks at her wife. She (obviously) takes a screenshot, before sending her wife a text. 

Sleep tight, baby. I love you and I miss you both.

While Scarlett is moisturizing and putting on her pajamas, she thinks about Y/N’s words. She did leave rather abruptly, she had only found out 2 days prior that she had to be flown out to film. And, even before she left, she hadn’t been able to spend that much time with Y/N. Press tours and meetings had been taking up all of her schedule. The only time she really got to spend with Y/N was when she got home, and by then Y/N was already asleep. There was always food in the microwave for her though. Scarlett appreciated it, but she was just only now realizing how much of a toll that had to take on her wife. 

No wonder Y/N had been so distraught. Scarlett had been practically neglecting her for weeks. She felt bad, and she knew Y/N couldn’t wait another 6 weeks for her to be home again. Scarlett doesn’t hang up the call, but she sends a group text to her director, manager and producer saying that she needs a day off. 

She’s gotta go home, her baby needs her. 

--

3 days have passed since that night Y/N broke down, and she’s been doing better, or at least she’s trying to. She still hates how vulnerable she was, how she let something that she was so used to her get under her skin. 

 Her and Scarlett have been talking as usual ever since, and that’s help Y/N put her loneliness a bit at bay. Y/N spent her day sulking around. She went to work, eating, coming home and going through the motions. The best part of her day though is when she gets home, and calls Scarlett. She tells her about the day, especially the doctors appointment. Y/N gushes over how healthy their baby is, and how she can’t wait to meet her, and name her. 

“Hold on, baby. I gotta get something from downstairs.” Scarlett said after a minute of planning the nursery.  Y/N nods and goes back to her pasta, groaning when there’s a knock at her door. 

She had no idea who it could be, she hadn’t ordered any food, thought she thought it was a good idea, and she wasn’t expecting anyone. 

Grunting, Y/N waddles over to the door, and once she opens the door she could’ve sworn she went into labor. (She didn’t, though). 

“Scarlett? What the hell are you doing here?” 

“Last time I checked we were married, and I live here. I wasn’t gone too long was I?” A smug smile was on her face and Y/N wanted to smack it off, but she wanted to hug her even more. She shakes her head and blinks her eyes, wanting to make sure it wasn’t a dream. That was ruled out when Scarlett was still standing there.

Y/N burst into tears, standing in place and her body is shaken with tears. She couldn’t believe it. Scarlett tosses her bags inside, wrapping her arms around Y/N. Y/N squeezes as hard as she possibly could, her tears wetting Scarlett’s shirt. She feels like home, and Y/N absolutely melts in it. 

They waddle together inside, and fall back onto the couch, Y/N not daring to let go just yet. Scarlett doesn’t mind it, though. She rubs her wife’s back as she calms down. 

“Hi, baby.” Scarlett says after it’s been silent for a few seconds. 

“Hi.”

“Miss me?” Y/N scoffs. 

“No, I don’t want you here. Of course I missed you, dingus. We both did.” Scarlett hums happily, letting her wife shift onto her side and shove her head into her neck. Scarlett takes her hand and rubs it over her wife’s belly, humming softly.

“I missed you both way more.” 

Y/N snorts and hugs Scarlett closer. “I doubt it.” Y/N’s voice gets sleepier, and Scarlett plays with her hair and lets her drift off, glad that her girls can finally get some proper rest.

[prorevenge]

Underpay me, lie to derail a competing job offer and then try to humiliate me in front of the entire department? Say goodbye to your dignity and (eventually) job/business!

I'm going to leave out specific details about the company and people in question here, as some people also know about this story and I don't want to be identified.

TL;dr:

Company I'm loyal to takes advantage of my delayed graduation to underpay me

They lie to me so that I don't take a better job offer

They then claim my performance is an issue as an excuse to delay my pay raise

When I finally resign, my supervisor tries and spectacularly fails to make me look bad, and instead looks like a horrible, volatile boss.

Her department rapidly bleeds its experts in the months following my departure (I like to think this is in part because of my publicly awful treatment).

Chapter 1: The Good Years

BoringCorp hired me as an intern in the second year of my six year nightmare of college (long story). I was installed as a low-level support technician in the internal IT department, as I was a "wild card" hire, based on a recommendation and didn't have the usual qualifications.

In the three years I worked in the IT department (part time), I reimagined large aspects of how internal IT managed a plethora of internal services at the company. I designed and built several complex software systems to automate inter-department processes, systems management, security and compliance auditing and the like. Over those years I built a significant reputation for myself across many departments, including HR, the security team, engineering, marketing, etc. as someone who could not just "get stuff done", but also improve lots of other things in the process.

Chapter 2: The Downward Turn

Upon graduating, I was encouraged by my team lead (who is an awesome person) to look for a role better aligned to my skill set, and secured a role in the engineering department's systems engineering/automation team. I was offered a graduate salary, something I was unhappy with, as while technically a graduate, I had almost four years' experience in the industry at that point, and had demonstrated significant technical ability. Engineers from other departments often asked me to troubleshoot their code, so it wasn't like I was an unknown at this stage. Regardless, I accepted on the condition that I would be rapidly advanced.

As soon as I started with my new team, it was apparent that the company's engineering department was in some serious strife. Our single team of less than 10 people maintained a mostly undocumented codebase, supporting the deployment and automation of tens of millions of dollars of live customer sites... And stuff was always breaking.

Being the perfectionist and pathological problem solver I am, I immediately started looking for root causes. Most of the rest of the team, who were principally software engineers with no IT or systems background, or otherwise very inexperienced (grads with no work experience and first time interns), continued to chip away at the surface, without considering the source of our problems. This caused some friction with management, but I managed to convince them of the value of my work.

Six months in, I had identified major issues with our documentation, written up some basic (and easy-to-use) documentation standards, and even documented a large chunk of our projects. I had set up an incident logging process, and tried to pare back on our alerting/pager system to reduce "alert fatigue" and get more prompt responses from on-call team members during outages. No pay raise or even any acknowledgement of my efforts.

Chapter 3: The Struggles Begin

No one was interested in my work. No one documented anything, despite my making it as easy as possible. People kept adding bad code to fix short term problems, and despite my repeated pleas (literally every day at standup) this problem continued. Eventually I became pretty despondent about the whole thing and just started chipping away like everyone else, and commiserating with another new hire (senior engineer) who had significantly more experience than me and was equally horrified at the state of things.

I was then contacted by a recruiter for another company. Now at this point, note that I was still feeling a degree of allegiance to BoringCorp - they had treated me very well in years gone by, and I wanted to do right by them, despite their current struggles. So I kept my manager (who we shall call 'Z') in the loop about interviewing, and when I was offered a job with almost double my "graduate" salary, I told her first and gave her plenty of time for a counter offer. She assured me that they would match the offered salary within a month, and that the process was actually already underway (more on this later).

I turned down the job offer, which resulted in getting my ear chewed off by the recruiter and a very uncomfortable phone call from the CTO of the other company, almost begging me to join.

... Three weeks later, no news. I followed up. "We are looking into it, but I want you to communicate to the team why you haven't been around as much." Well, for starters the company had flexible working arrangements, and I had made it clear on multiple occasions that I was working from home. In addition, the reason I worked from home so much, is that my teammates, all of whom bar two were paid much more than me, would pester me with basic technical questions. I was sick of having my work disrupted so I could give first-year college tutorials on computer networking.

I explained this to my manager as diplomatically as possible (I avoided ripping into her about the ridiculous and offensive pay difference), and she asked me to "communicate more". Yeah, okay. I did that.

Chapter 4: The Last Straw+Camel

Three more weeks. Two past the deadline. No news. I follow up again - and hear basically the same complaint, despite having communicated very clearly and (grudgingly) worked from home less.

I started looking for a new job, again. Within three weeks I was five interviews deep in the process for an overseas company, and had a salary offer of four times my original salary. This was based not just on spoken interviews but also technical testing and work samples, so it wasn't just me overselling myself. At this point I became very angry at the degree to which BoringCorp was undervaluing me. I accepted the competing offer on the spot and started making plans to move. I also went back to working from home when I felt like it.

Fast forward two weeks, and I'm ready to put in my notice. I do so, and almost immediately I get an aggravated-sounding text message on my personal phone stating "we haven't seen you much this week and I expect you to be in for a meeting tomorrow." Clearly this set alarm bells ringing that it was a termination meeting and they were going to try to cheat me of my final pay.

Having worked in IT (and in fact having automated a significant chunk of HR processing), I was very familiar with the company's user offboarding processes. I looked for a work ticket logging my departure... And there wasn't one. Strange - policy dictates that one must be created. It occurred to me that in the past, handling dismissals, these tickets were raised with very restricted access permissions, so that the soon-to-be ex-employee had no prior warning.

Of course, I still happened to have some admin credentials in my password safe (used for automation, and which I had thankfully forgotten to delete). Upon logging in with those, sure enough, I found my very own ticket! Turns out they weren't trying to fire me, instead my supervisor (Z) wanted to put me on "involuntary paid leave" for the duration of my notice period. She also wanted me to clear out my desk during the daytime, in front of my colleagues, and deny my the chance to say proper farewells, etc.

Well, knowledge is power here. I spent the first hour backing up all of my personal data off my work laptop. I then wiped the disk clean and rotated the disk encryption keys, to ensure none of my data or personal project work could be recovered. I drove to work at 2am, cleaned out my desk and took everything home in complete privacy, and then went to sleep.

The next day, I walked in at 7:30am, dropped my wiped laptop with my old team and said my farewells. Also took the time to explain why I was basically getting booted out of the building. There was a lot of unhappiness - towards Z.

Then I went and said farewell to my current team. They were horrified by the situation and also were rather displeased with Z. I caught up with some of my closer friends that I'd worked with over the years and said my goodbyes to them as well. We had a nice, relaxed morning chatting about the good ole times and drinking coffee.

Then the meeting came along... Well, suffice to say, Z was rather disappointed that I had already handed in my laptop and cleared my desk. She grudgingly said I could stay for the rest of the day, seeing as I had already done everything I needed to do, and left in a huff.

Epilogue: The Aftermath

A few months had gone by, and I was now happily settled into my new job. I learned through contacts at the company that since my very rude expulsion, many senior engineers have left. They'd had to restructure the department to try to fix their product delivery issues, and were still unable to fix anything because all of the people who knew the functionality of the system (myself because of my documentation push, and the other engineers who built it) had left in disgust at the poor morale and working environment.

Last I heard, Z was still in her current role, but the company was bleeding cash and constantly downsizing. I don't imagine management was too chuffed with her performance.

(source) (story by Throwawayyyyyyy11235)

[straykids-assemble]

Coffee and Freckles. CH2.

Fake Smiles and Bitter Coffee

When Felix wakes the next morning he's alone and slightly disappointed.. The curtains are open and the morning light fills the room giving a warm hue of golden colours. The blanket put over him the previous night is still wrapped around his shoulders and his head is propped up on multiple soft pillows. He sits up and reaches over to the spot where Changbin was sat, its cold which makes Felix frown. Changbin must have been gone awhile. 

He swings his legs off the couch, folds the blanket off and throws it over the arm. There's a green sticky note on the tv with bold writing on it. Felix squints to read it.  ‘Café  .’ Changbin probably had to get  to work and didn't want to wake him up Felix supposes. He stands up and heads to the door, there's a photo stuck to the back of the door that makes him pause. It's a black and white, old fashioned photograph. There's a family of three in the centre dressed in westernised clothing. There's a young boy in the middle with his mother on the right and the father on the left. He leans a little closer. The face in the centre makes him blink in confusion. “Changbin?” The door swings open and smacks Felix in the head, he stumbles back from the sudden attack to his head. His hand rubs the reddening spot on his forehead as he looks up when Changbin sticks his head through the open space.

“You're awake I see.” His eyes flicker to Felix head and back down to his face. Felix nods and moves out of the way so the door can be opened wider.  Felix’s eyes flicker to the photo on the door and back to Changbin. There's a question itching up under his skin but he doesn't speak it. Changbin raises an eyebrow and follows his line of sight. Changbin frowns and walks down the hallway into the kitchen, Felix follows behind. He opens the fridge, looks around for something to eat. Changbin stays quiet and Felix lingers at the door way.

“The picture on your door, the boy in the middle looks like you.” Changbin stands up and shuts the door with force, the sudden noise makes Felix jump a little from where he's stood. He turns his head to glare at Felix. 

“You shouldn't snoop. It gets you hurt..I have work to do, you can let yourself out.” He brushes past Felix and goes downstairs into the café. 

Felix follows slightly after, “I'll see you later I guess?” Changbin nods and turns his back on Felix as he leaves. He can see Hyunjin giving him death glares from where he appears out of the back room.

“Did he spend the night? Hyunjin lugs a tray of cakes onto the counter to be put in the display case. “He fell asleep watching a movie and I didn't wanna kick him out at 2am” 

“Right..” Hyunjin has finished sorting out the cakes and closes the glass door “And now you're being a dick to him… why?”  Changbin shrugs and turns away from him. “Did he find out about you being a vampire?” 

Changbin stops what he's doing suddenly and whips his head to look at Hyunjin who's leaning against the glass counter grinning at him with one eyebrow raised.

 “How do you-”

“How do you know my best friends a vampire? Dude...”  Hyunjin laughs lightly but doesn't continue. He turns away from Changbin to greet the group of elderly ladies as they enter the shop and make their way over to the counter.

 The pair don't speak for the rest of the time the shops open, there's too many ears. It's only when the shop closes and the sun starts to set can Changbin corner Hyunjin to question him.

 Changbin locks the café door and flips the sign. Hyunjin shows no signs of wanting to leave and makes himself comfortable in one of the booths, sitting sideways with his feet propped up on one of the chairs of the nearby tables. Changbin glares at him for it but makes no moves to kick his feet off it.

 “How- No.  Why . Why did you never say anything?”

 Hyunjin smiles gently at him, its one of the few soft smiles Hyunjin has shared with him, “Kinda assumed you’d want to keep it a secret.. Or you’d tell me when you were ready.” “And Seungmin? Does he know?” He moves over to where Hyunjin is sat and pulls the chair from under his feet so he can sit down. “Yeah. He says this shop is covered in magic on the outside, but when he’s inside he can feel the supernatural energy coming from you or something..” “Seungmin’s a witch?.” Hyunjin nods. Changbin rings his hands together out of nerves. There’s a light kick to his leg from Hyunjin which makes him look up at his best friend. “He's not afraid of you...  I’m  not afraid of you.” Changbin nods. “You know Felix is a werewolf right?” Changing eyebrows raise so far up his head Hyunjin is afraid they’ll merge with his hairline. “What?” Hyunjin nods. “Minnie said the shop felt stronger last time he was in here.” Changbin pauses for a few seconds “Why did you tell me this, why did you let me know about you knowing everything?” “I’m your best friend, your only friend. I think it was time to let you know you didn't need to keep me in the dark anymore.”  Hyunjin's eyes flicker over to the clock on the wall and he stands up grabbing his coat from the booth behind his back. “I gotta go, it's date night.” He winks at Changbin who rolls his eyes.  “Call me if you need anything yeh?” Changbin nods and watches his friend leave out the shop and into the evening light.

Over the next several weeks, Felix only comes in a few times. Most of the time he’ll come in alone, get a coffee to go and leave. Sometimes he’ll appear with his happy red head who never fails to throw a death glare Changbin’s way as they pass the counter. Changbin was starting to get sick of the glares and being ignored by Felix, even if it was his own choice. So, thanks to his superior hearing he could listen out for when Felix was close by the shop and he would make an excuse to go to the back room to avoid him.

 Hyunjin, being the observant person he was started noticing a pattern. On the third week of Changbin's ‘Avoid Felix plan’ he’s cornered by Hyunjin. There's no one in the shop currently as they've just opened back up for lunch. Hyunjin stands at the open end of the counter so Changbin is stuck, unable to go around him and escape. The door chimes open, signalling that someone has entered the café. Changbin looks over and oh, just the person he was trying to avoid. Hyunjin smirks and heads into the backroom so Changbin can't use the excuse of ‘Just going to look in the back for something’ seen as someone else is already there. He sighs and goes over to the till to take the blondes order. “What can I get for you.” His words are dull and dry. “Really.. You've been dodging me the past three weeks and now you’re going to pretend like I don't exist.?”  

Changbin doesn't answer and stares blankly at Felix. Felix sighs and digs out some cash from his pocket and puts it on the counter. “A coffee then please.” He's got an unimpressed looked to him but Changbin couldn't care less. He makes the coffee and slides it over the counter as he takes the money and sticks it in the till. 

“Have a good day” He does his biggest fake smile. Felix scoffs and leaves the shop slamming the door behind him. He sees Hyunjin out of the corner of his eye, he's outside talking to Felix.  There’s some hand gestures and Felix looks over at Changbin through the window quickly before turning back to where Hyunjin is stood. 

Felix nods and leaves with a gentle pat on his shoulder. Hyunjin looks at Changbin through the glass and enters the shop.  “He's coming back later so you two can sort your shit out.” He apologises for his strong language to the group of elderly ladies as he passes them in the doorway. 

They both busy themselves with orders so they don't have to talk about anything, mostly so Changbin can avoid the questions he knows Hyunjin is itching to ask. 

At the end of Hyunjin's shift, he grabs his coat from where its hung on the rack and leaves. He doesn't say anything else but turns the sign on the door to read closed as it shuts behind him. 

It's snowing by the time Felix arrives. He's got his hood pulled over his hair but there's snowflakes caught in the strands that fall over his face. He taps on the window gently and Changbin signals for him to come in. The door opens and a gush of air rushes inside that makes Changbin’s bare arms shiver from the cold. Felix takes his coat off and slumps it over the nearest chair and sits down at the table opposite Changbin. His nose and cheeks are red from the cold which make his freckles more prominent.   

Changbin glares at him before getting up. “Want a drink?” Felix shakes his head and Changbin shuffles around behind the counter digging out his flask from under the floor. He takes a long drink and can see Felix’s nose twitch slightly when he opens the cap. It must be from the blood he supposes, at least Hyunjin wasn't lying about the blonde being a werewolf. 

Felix speaks first, he looks up at his hands which are folded on the table at Changbin who's finished his drink and its leaning over the counter slightly. “Why’d you push me away like that? I thought we were friends..” He spares him a confused glance “Are we not?” He tilts his head slightly and it reminds Changbin of a puppy. 

“No” His voice is cold.

“So why’d you let me in when it was raining? And again when I had food. Why did you let me sleep on the couch with you.. Why?!”   Felix is getting angrier, Changbin can tell even with Felix’s trying to hide it in his voice. 

“I was pitying you.” The words leave an uneasy feeling in Changbin's stomach. 

“What?” Felix is now stood at the side of the table, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. 

“You clearly don't have any other friends you can hang around with if you're spending all your time with the guy that makes you coffee.” Changbin stands up and crosses his arms over his chest. 

There's a flash of gold over Felix’s eyes and Changbin is glad that there's a few tables and marble counter between himself and the wolf. “Urgh! Just when i thought you were a nice guy! I was starting to like you too!” Felix slams his fists on the wooden table and Changbin can hear it crack under his skin. Felix is getting angrier and Changbin hopes he doesn't burst into a full shift in the middle of a café with a glass wall.. 

“You should g-” He's cut off by a very angry werewolf. 

“I should go?” he laughs “You're such a selfish dick oh my god. Stop pushing me away when I'm trying to be your friend because you clearly don't have a lot of them.” 

Changbin growls slightly and it makes Felix pause. His face softens slightly but he's still as angry as before. Changbin can feel the whites of his eyes turning black along with his eyes turning red.  Felix takes a step back and loosens his fists, Changbin doesn't miss the movement.

 “Pushing you away is easier than watching you die by my side.”

“You.. You’re a vampire.”

 “You're a vampire.” Felix has calmed down and now the only angry one is Changbin. “Yeh, you thought you were the only one with secrets..”  Changbin has calmed down slightly and he can feel his eyes change back. “You knew? You knew this entire time?” Changbin shakes his head in a hope it will calm Felix down again. “I only found out recently.” Felix sighs and sits down again, Changbin hesitates and joins him. “Who told you? Was it Jisung?” Changbin shakes his head again. “Hyunjin actually.. But Seungmin told him.” Felix laughs, “Best friends huh...I was going to tell you when we got to know each other more.. Oh well..” Changbin smiles, the tense atmosphere from earlier is gone and they can both relax. “The photo on your door. It  was  you.” Changbin nods, “1861., It was one of the last years my parents saw me alive.” He smiles sadly.

 There's a light pressure on his hand as Felix reaches over and squeezes his hand gently, Changbin squeezes back and smiles gently up at him. “Stay” Felix nods and they both get up and head upstairs. Once up in Changbin's room they settle onto the couch to watch whatever movie happens to be on the channel. The fight from earlier has put a strain on their friendship and throughout the two ours the movie is on, they remain at opposite ends of the couch. Once the movie is over they settle into a comfortable silence until Changbin speaks up. “Tell me about your friends.” Felix rolls his heads to the side so he can look at Changbin. “Which? The friends I apparently don't have.?” Changbin scratches his head awkwardly. “I didn't mean that..” “Yeah well we both said stuff we didn't mean… My friends huh.” “Are they werewolves like you?” Felix shakes his head and flicks his hair out of his face when it falls into his eyes. “Not all of them. Minho, the blonde, he's a werewolf. His boyfriend Jisung is human. He's the one that tried to kill you in death glares the past 3 weeks.” He grins. “Chan, he's kinda human.. I guess?” Changbin tilts his head in confusion.  “He's Jeongin's guardian. Their lives are linked, as long as Jeongin lives, so does Chan..Now, tell me about your friends.” “Which? The friends you said I didn't ha-” Felix kicks Changbin in the leg and they both laugh it off. “Hyunjin, the pretty boy who works in the café with me.” Felix nods “His boyfriend Seungmin is a witch, but he’s human.”

  “I'll get you some pillows and a blanket. Stay the night.” Changbin stands and walks over to the bed and pulls out several pillows from under it and grabs the blanket from the end of his bed. He takes them over to Felix who makes himself comfortable on the couch.

“Goodnight Changbinnie~” “That's Changbin Hyung to you.” He smirks down at him and goes over to lay on his own bed. Changbin’s unable to fall asleep so lies away listening to the soft beat of Felix heart. He moves carefully and quietly so he's not to wake the sleeping wolf. Changbin stands at the back of the couch and looks down at him. The light from the crack in the curtains highlights his soft features and the freckles scattered over his cheeks and nose. Changbin reaches down and carefully brushes the hair from the blondes face. Felix shuffles slightly and the blanket slips off his shoulders, Changbin pulls it up gently to keep him warm.

Changbin goes to lay back on his own bed and falls asleep as soon as his head touches the pillow.

The next morning, Changbin's woken by a loud constant ringing on his door. He sits up in bed quickly and looks over to the sofa where Felix shuffles and sits up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  Changbin's gets to the door and opens it, Hyunjin is stood there leaning against the frame.

“There's someone downstairs looking for Felix. Assumed he was up here.” Hyunjin looks past Changbin's shoulder to where Felix is stood.

 “Who is it, downstairs I  mean?” 

“Says his name is Chan.” Hyunjin shrugs and walks away downstairs. Changbin tilts his head at the door and follows Felix and Hyunjin down into the café. 

The café is empty and Chan stands at the door a worried expression painted on his face. Hyunjin stands to the side of the café, Seungmin is stood at his side. Once they all get into the room Chan turns to look at Felix. “He’s gone. Jeongin's gone. “

“What?” There’s a growl that makes it way through Felix’s voice as he speaks. “What do you mean he’s gone?” Chan looks like he's panicking and starts to pace. He grabs his hair in frustration and sits in the first chair he gets close to. He all but stumbles into it and he sees Seungmin move slightly like he's reaching out to steady him. “I left him downstairs, he shifted and was curled up on the couch.. I went up into the kitchen and when I got back he was gone.” Felix goes to say something but his mouth can't form the words he's looking for, Changbin reaches out and puts a hand on the wolfs shoulder to try and calm him down but It backfires and Felix shoves him off angrily. “Not now.” He stops still and whips his head over to look directly at Seungmin who's stood with Hyunjin. Hyunjin moves to stand slightly in front of Seungmin, protecting him. “You. Help us find him.”  Felix stares right at Seungmin, almost like he's looking through Hyunjin who's giving him death glares that could rival Jisung's. “Fe-”   “No.” Hyunjin cuts Changbin off, its one of the rare times Changbin has seen the other so angry. “He’s a witch, he can do a spell to find him.” Felix moves towards Seungmin but there's a hand on his chest that stops him. Hyunjin clenches his fist holding himself back from saying anything that could cause a fight. “Lix, calm down.” Chan steps up and pushes the wolf backwards into the table. Felix’s eyes flash gold but he calms down in Chans hold. “You know what will happen if we don’t get him back though Chan..” Chan nods and turns to look at the rest of the group. He keeps on hand on Felix arm which seems to keep the blonde calm. “Minho and Woojin have gone out looking for Jeongin already. If they don’t find anything were going to need another way. “ His eyes flicker to Seungmin but he stays looking at Changbin. “Even for a kitsune, Jeongin is still a child. My role as his guardian is to watch over him and project him. Because he’s so young he hasn’t fully developed control over his abilities..I can help him when he’s with me, but when he’s gone.. He loses control.” “So you’re like his neutralizer..?” Hyunjin speaks up, he's moved from shielding Seungmin to sitting at the table near the counter, Seungmin sits beside him. Chan nods. “That’s why we need him back.” His phone starts to ring and he lets go of Felix to answer it. “Its Woojin.” He answers it, there's some nodding and a few short replies. Changbin doesn’t want to pry so doesn't listen in. “Woojin and Minho found something. There on their way here.”

 While they wait for the two boys to wait they sit quietly. Hyunjin and Seungmin are sat away from the others together. Changbin is behind the counter tipping what's left of his flask into his coffee, when he opens the cap Felix looks over at him. His eyes flicker to the flask and up to Changbin’s face who gives him a small smile. Felix looks away and continues the conversation with Chan.

 The bell above the door chimes open when Minho enters followed by a tall boy with wide shoulders and the red hair that belongs to Minho's boyfriend Jisung. Chan and Felix stand when they enter and the three boys walk over to them. Jisung glares at Changbin as he passes him and hugs Felix.  There’s a strange sent that Changbin picks up as Woojin walks past the counter.

[prxttylittle]

“i don’t even remember the last time you told me you loved me.”, “i’m not going to keep being your little secret. i deserve better.”, AND “i hate you.”

“I don’t even remember the last time you told me you loved me.”

{ v ;; the princess and the moon. 

       Prince held back letting out an irritated sigh when he felt Luna’s presence at his side. He looked to her, semi-amused by the irritation on her face. Before he knew it, she was dragging him away from the girl he’d been talking to and into an empty room. He had a smirk playing on his lips but he was maintaining keeping it at bay, to see what she had to say. He crossed his arms over his chest, quizzing her on why she’d so rudely dragged him away from his conversation. He knew, though. They hadn’t seen each other in a while because of their busy schedules and he had said that he wasn’t even going to have time to come to this party tonight. His excuse had been working but Matt had convinced him to just sell at the party and shut up. The thing is, he hadn’t informed Luna he’d changed his mind about showing up tonight. He figured he was just going to see her regardless. He could understand if she was jealous that he’d been so invested in talking to the girl she’d dragged him from and hadn’t even gone looking for Luna, her first inkling that he was at the party was seeing him talk closely with another girl. In all honesty, she had just been a customer and Prince was attempting to sell more than he usually did before Luna showed up. He got a kick out of her jealousy, though. “Seriously, Luna, I don’t have time for this.” He told her, tone flat. He was glad she’d dragged him off but he was still quite peeved at the distance between them lately and he was going to let his attitude show. He frowned at her next words. “I don’t even remember the last time you told me you loved me.” He hadn’t expected the conversation to go that way. He’d anticipated a little bit of arguing, some jealousy and then tearing each other’s clothes off. Prince wasn’t expecting the dejected tone she used on the topic surrounding their relationship. But Prince was still Prince so he shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe if you weren’t so tired, you could remember.” He remarked with a snip. Prince already knew his words were unfair. Her most recent excuse of being too tired after college to hang out had only been used once whereas he was always turning down plans in favour of sleeping after a late-night shift. Prince’s thing was being fair though, he was more in favour of having a one up. He stepped out of her way when she went to storm away from him but in the last second he changed his mind about having an attitude with her. His hand wrapped around her wrist and he pulled her back, close to him. His other hand came up to wrap under her jaw, cupping her face lightly as his thumb brushed over her lips. “It’s been two weeks.” He murmured, eyes searching hers. “You rang me and I couldn’t talk but I said it before I hung up the phone on you. That’s the last time I told you I loved you.” 

{ v ;; no reason. 

        A tired sigh fell from Jason’s lips when he felt Iola shaking him awake. He groaned so she’d know he did not want to be awake right now but it was too late, the damage was done. His eyes fluttered open, catching sight of her hovering above him, waiting for him to come to life. “What’s up, love?” He mumbled, his voice hoarse and scratchy from still being 60% asleep. He still managed to bring his arm up from where he was laying on it to rest lazily across her waist. He was annoyed she’d woken him but he wasn’t going to show that. His thumb brushed gently against her stomach and he attempted a smile but that was unsuccessful with his face being planted into the pillow beneath him, still. It was dark outside but Iola had turned the light on, a beam which burned Jason’s eyes. His face bunched up in confusion when she quizzed his love for her. He felt like he was being pranked. Was she really waking him up at 2am to ask him about her feelings for her? He wanted to roll his eyes and laugh but he knew his girlfriend better than to do that. “Babe, what on earth are you talking about?” He challenged. His eyes stayed trained on her as she shrugged. “I just can’t even remember the last time you told me you loved me.” Jason really was starting to question if this was seriously happening right now. But, as he thought about it, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d said he loved her either. Which was strange, because he’d gone from saying it multiple times a day to neither of them remembering when he’d last said it. He hadn’t felt like anything had changed between them, though. He sighed and finally allowed himself to sit up in the bed, peeling his face from his pillow case, sitting with his back up against the headrest now. “C’mere.” He mumbled, tugging at her hand to pull her closer to him. He watched as she shifted on the bed so she was now sat upon his lap. His hands rested on her waist, his eyes searching hers. “You know I love you, baby.” He brushed a strand of hair out of her face and kissed her with tenderness. “You’ve made me a better person and I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it, alright?” He rested his forehead against Iola’s, his eyes fluttering shut as his hand snaked around the base of her neck. “I don’t know why I haven’t said it in a while.” He shrugged. “Maybe I just haven’t wanted to annoy you because sometimes I feel like my love is too strong. I don’t know.” He kissed her again, wanting to prove that he really did love her and there was nothing strange going on. “I’ve got an idea, babe. Since you’ve already woke me up at 2-fucking-AM, let’s go get a case of beer and all the on-sale Christmas chocolates in Target and we can come back here and get drunk so I can tell you just how much I love you except slurring the word love.” He chuckled, bringing their lips together again. 

{ v ;; july 17th. 

        It was so unusual for Zayn to see Ari as intoxicated as she was. In fact, even if she was just a little tipsy he would be surprised because he never saw her with a drink in her hand. The norm for them was for Zayn to be the one stumbling in in the middle of the night with a bottle of whiskey inside of him and little bearings of his surroundings. It was surprising to see Ari take on that role. He frowned as he reached the bottom of the stairs to catch her trip over her feet lightly. She didn’t fall but it was enough to give her away. “You’re drunk?” He pondered, confused by the fact. Zayn wouldn’t really have an issue with her being inebriated– she was an adult and could do what she wanted, if it wasn’t for the matter of knowing she didn’t like to drink but more importantly her aggressive demeanour that came paired with her intoxication. He ignored the arguments and insults that came from her mouth in favour of getting her a glass of water and a tablet to prevent her hangover the next day. However, even taking care of her warranted an angry reaction. He sighed but maintained his composure. Their argument led to her accusing him of not being a good fiancé to which he stated he didn’t want to talk about while she was drunk. He was surprised by her next words. “I’m just so tired of being your doormat, Zayn. And you know what? If you can say that you hate me, that everything you gave up for me was worthless because you think I killed our son when you were drunk or whatever then why the fuck can’t I?” Zayn was left speechless, his eyes wide. It wasn’t as if she was accusing him of anything that wasn’t true– he had said all those things. Those words had come out of his own mouth the night he had abandoned her in favour of almost relapsing with Ant. He’d apologised but he couldn’t take what he had said back. “Ari, I didn’t mean any of that. I don’t think any of that is true. And you’re definitely not my doormat.” He knew it wasn’t very productive to argue with a drunk person but her words needed to be addressed. Zayn would probably say it all again tomorrow but he just needed to be sure she knew the things he’d said that day weren’t true. He frowned when she ignored him. “I can’t even remember the last time you told me you loved me.” Zayn didn’t know why but he could feel his eyes watering up. She was right. He hadn’t said it in a while, nor had he shown it. When it was him to come home in the state she was in, she often whispered it to him when he fell into bed with her but he always pretended not to hear and could play it off as just being too drunk. It upset him to know he was capable of that. It hurt to know he was destroying their relationship and her just because he didn’t know how to cope and mourn with her rather than off on his own. He had no right to become upset by her words when she was informing him of what he’d done to hurt her but he couldn’t help it. He sighed. It was an opportunity to prove her wrong by telling her he did love her but instead he just held out a hand for her to take. “Let’s just get you to bed, Ari, okay?” 

{ v ;; katie & leo. 

           Katie rolled her eyes when her bedroom door opened to reveal none other than Leo. She wished Bella hadn’t let Leo in. When she was in the mood to see him, Katie appreciated how Leo got along with her younger sister but in times when she wanted to avoid him, it wasn’t so much of an advantage. She crossed her arms and sighed. “You shouldn’t be here, Leo. If my dad catches you–” She was cut off when he interrupted her by saying that he had to see her. Katie hadn’t meant to push him away in the last few weeks but she hadn’t really known what else to do. Between always having plans with Jake, and being afraid to tell Leo the truth, she just found herself distant from her best friend. She nodded, letting her sentence die in the air. She knew Leo didn’t care if her dad caught him, he would hop out the window quick enough for her dad not to catch him. It wasn’t really that big of a risk, him being here just to talk. She sighed and pushed herself off the bed. “Look, I’m sorry I’ve been so distant but I’ve been distracted.” She bit down on her lower lip. Katie wasn’t sure why she was so scared to tell him the truth, he was bound to find out eventually. When he stepped closer to her, she backed up without meaning to. She tried to ignore the look on his face when she did so but it was difficult. “You deserve to know the truth, Leo. I’m in a relationship.” Katie was trying to avoid looking at him directly in the eyes. She wanted not to see his reaction. “I know you probably don’t care, I mean– we did agree to see other people and do normal teenager-things while we’re still young but I guess I’ve just been avoiding telling you because I wasn’t sure what it would mean for–” She finally looked at him, her eyes searching his confused ones. “For us.” Katie wasn’t sure what being in a relationship was going to mean for any boundaries between she and Leo. Jake didn’t know about her pact with Leo (obviously) but there would be no way he wouldn’t pick up on the vibes between them. She wondered if he would even be okay with the fact that Leo was alone with her in her room so late now, her dressed in skimpy bed clothes. It was different with Leo than anyone else but she pondered the respect that was owed in a relationship. “Leo?” “I can’t even remember the last time you told me you loved me.” She frowned at his words, not expecting them. “Now I know why.” She grabbed his arm when he turned to leave. “Leo, I’m still your best friend. I still love you.” Her frown deepened when she was shaken off. Her eyes watered when he opened her window to make his way out. Usually, he would go through Bella’s room and out onto her balcony, which was easier to escape onto the garden from, but clearly he was just wanted to escape Katie. 

“I’m not going to keep being your little secret. I deserve better.”

{ v ;; the princess and the moon.

            Prince glared at Luna. He hated when she started arguments regarding the status of their relationship. At first it had been trying to get him to confess he loved her and recently she’d been growing tired of hiding their relationship. He couldn’t understand why she couldn’t just let things be as they were. “Too bad Luna. This is how things are. It’s nobody else’s business if we’re together or not.” Prince’s argument had led him to being asked to leave and he was just fine with that, tired of talking about it any longer.   Prince woke up with a groan. He didn’t want to go to school today, didn’t want to see Luna after the previous nights argument, and break-up. It felt like things were finally over. He couldn’t understand the feeling in his chest when he thought about that, about things coming to an end. He knew there was a way to maintain what they had but he wasn’t sure he was ready to do just as Luna wanted. It played on his mind all morning as he got ready, as he finished his homework and as he drove to school and Pandora talked his ear off without once noticing he wasn’t paying attention. They pulled into the school car park and he waved farewell to his sister who ran off to greet her friends. He stayed in the car. At the school gates he could see Luna and Cassie, probably waiting for Nick and Matt. Even in the horrendous bottle-green school uniform, she managed to look beautiful. He didn’t understand how she pulled that off. He watched as Nick and Cassie greeted each other with a hug and Matt and Luna both shared the same expression in reaction to the other two. Her life would be easier without him in it, Prince knew. In that moment, as he thought, he realised he didn’t want to not be in it. He probably wouldn’t admit it to anyone else but being with Luna was something that made him happy. Matt and Panda had noticed the change, both having made comments about how much less volatile he’d been but neither knowing why. Make no mistake, he was still Prince Jameson, the asshole everyone in school hated and that hadn’t changed, but he was lighter with Luna. While the idea of showing something different did scare him, their relationship wasn’t something he was ready to let go of yet. His friends disappeared from sight as they headed into school and Prince sighed, weighing out his options. He had told Luna he loved her just a handful of times but that wasn’t enough, she still wanted more. She wanted him to show it. Prince didn’t want to be weak by giving in but he wasn’t sure they could carry on like this. He heard the final morning bell ring and sighed, making his way into the school. He made his way to the assembly hall and amongst his group, he spotted some guy sitting next to Luna. He stood in front of them. “Move.” Was all he needed to say before the kid was scrambling to find another seat. He ignored Luna glaring at him and settled beside her. He allowed her to rant for a bit about how she wasn’t changing her mind about them and how he had caused this. He turned to look at her, semi-amused by how irritated she was with him, already. He looked over her shoulder to where Matt and Nick were bothering some girls sitting behind them. His eyes met Lunas’ again and in an attempt to both shut her up and to give her his final answer he leaned in and kissed her. He could feel the eyes on them but when Luna finally responded he just placed a hand on her on her face, falling into the kiss instead of paying mind to their classmates. He could hear the silence fall around them and when he pulled away, he looked around to see their peers pretend like they hadn’t been staring. He looked back to Luna. “That’s it, alright? You’ve got your answer. Don’t ever give me an ultimatum again.” He draped an arm around her shoulder just to make it extra clear that he was boldly announcing their relationship. He ignored Nick and Matt questioning if they were tripping but Prince was saved from talking about it when the school principal entered the hall to start the morning assembly. He looked down to Luna and despite his irritated tone with her a moment ago, he smirked when their eyes met. 

{ v ;; what if. 

        Ashton felt a sudden rush of deja vu except in this case, he was now in Ari’s shoes. How many times in the past had he made that same argument? How many times had he begged for her to tell Zayn the truth and just be with him? How often had he felt he deserved more? Yet, as Ari spoke the words he’d thrown out so many times, he immediately felt guilty. “Ari. You’re not a secret to me. I want the whole world to know that you’re mine but I–” And he paused. He wasn’t sure what was keeping him from making his relationship with Ari public. Her and Zayn had been over for a while now and it hadn’t even had anything to do with Ashton. Zayn had managed to fuck it all up on his own. Ashton’s relationship with Lexi ended soon after but in that case, they never should have been together and Ashton knew it. It had taken learning Ari’s so-called by her ‘perfect’ marriage to crumble that Ashton had realised sometimes things couldn’t work just because you will them to. They had nothing to hide, he and Ari. He wanted to tell his friends, his family, his fans all about the most amazing girl he had ever known that was now officially his. So why hadn’t he yet? He sighed and kissed her, wrapping his arms around her waist. He picked her up, easily, and rested her on the kitchen counter in front of him. “I’m not ashamed. You do deserve more than stolen moments and secret kisses.” He gnawed down on his lower lip, unsure of himself. “I guess I’m just scared. I always have this nagging feeling in my gut that if we go public, you’ll realise I’m not good enough for you and go back to Zayn.” He confessed, his voice quiet. “I’m afraid that you don’t like this being a secret because something bigger is going on. It’s like– what if we tell people and then you still want more?” Ashton hadn’t realised how strong his insecurities were revolving their relationship until they poured from his lips just now in front of her. He shook his head, taking her hands. “It’s stupid, I know.” He chuckled sadly. His features softened when he felt her hand under his jaw, forcing him to look at her. Their eyes met and he kissed her. “The cat’s out of the bag, we’ll tell people.” He assured her before reconnecting their lips. 

{ v ;; july 17th. 

        A smirk plastered Zayn’s lips as he pulled away from kissing Ari. He didn’t know how just kissing someone could be so satisfying, especially considering how often he used sex as a vice, but he did adore kissing her. He ran a hand through her hair, brushing it aside. “You look so fuckin’ good.” He murmured, kissing her lightly. He was disturbed when the door handle starting moving and he jumped up, surprised by the noise. He let out a breath of relief when he remember he had locked the door and whoever was trying to get in would fail and eventually go away. He frowned when his name was called from the other side, recognising Ariana’s voice. He looked down to Ari laying beside him and chose to be quiet and not respond to Ariana. She would go away eventually. He put his finger to his lip, motioning for Ari to be quiet. When he heard Ari’s footsteps walk off from the door, he grinned and went back in to kiss Ari. He was surprised to be pushed away though. He watched in confusion as she got off the bed, gathering her clothes to dress herself. He questioned what he’d done wrong to make her act this way. “I’m not going to be your little secret anymore. I deserve better.” She snapped and Zayn’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He thought their relationship was working out just fine, he hadn’t even suspected she had a problem with keeping things on the DL. He frowned and reached out of the bed to wrap his hand around her wrist. He rolled his eyes when she shoved him off. “You’re not my little secret, Ari. I just—” How was he going to disagree with her when she had a point? He sighed. He wasn’t ready to be exclusive or make things official with Ari just yet. He’d contemplated answering the door to Ariana moments ago and upon hearing the first knock, he had half-hoped it was Harry. So, clearly, there was too much going on in Zayns’ head to give Ari what she needed or wanted from him right now. He let out a breath and settled back into the bed, choosing not to chase after her again. “You knew what this was. I never pretended like I was going to make it anything more.” His words were harsh but Zayn knew Ari had other options. If he was cruel then maybe it would make her decision easier. Through, as he thought of that he knew he didn’t want her to choose someone else. He cursed quietly. “Ari, I’m sorry I didn’t mean that.” But he was just left to watch her storm away from him, talking about how much better she deserved than this shitty agreement they had going. “Fuck.” Zayn mumbled.

“I hate you”

{ v ;; the princess and the moon. 

        Prince nodded at Matt and Nick in greeting as he joined his friends in Matt’s kitchen. He reached past Matt and grabbed a bottle of beer from the countertop, unscrewing it and taking a big gulp. Matt’s big parties were often an opportunity for Prince to work so he looked forward to the nights where he could just let loose and get drunk. He was on his third bottle, laughing at Matt taking the piss out of Nick, when he noticed Luna enter the kitchen. His mouth turned up into a smirk until he noticed the guy behind her, their hands interlocked. His face formed into a scowl, his features feeling like they were setting into stone. For a brief moment, him and Luna’s eyes met. He held her gaze, only breaking it to finish the contents of the bottle in his hand. He glared at Luna and the mystery man on her arm as they turned away, leaving the kitchen just as soon as they’d gone in. He could tell from his place in the kitchen that she was turning at the staircase. He wiped at the back of his mouth and handed Matt his empty bottle before he was heading in the same direction as Luna. He didn’t contemplate his actions. Prince pushed open a bedroom door and sure enough, Luna and the guy were on the bed, lips locked. “Out.” Prince spoke simply, causing them to break away with a start. The guy who Prince didn’t recognise stared with a blank look on his face and Prince wanted to beat the shit out of him to get rid of it. “Are you a fucking simpleton or something? I said fuck off.” He snapped, his tone threading a fear into the guy that had him scrambling off the bed and rushing away from Luna. The lack of appreciation for his actions was clear on Luna’s face but Prince shut the door and walked in, eyeing her carefully. He shrugged when she asked why he’d done that. “Wanted to.” He excused. It was partly true; even if the green monster of jealousy wasn’t bubbling within him Prince got a major kick out of pissing Luna and ruining her nights. Even on the nights when it didn’t end in angry sex. “I hate you, Prince.” Prince chuckled flatly. He noticed she had gotten off the bed but hadn’t attempted to follow her companion. “You might hate me, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want me.” Prince walked closer to her until her back pressed up against the wall. He smirked, keenly. One of his hands cupped her jaw, in a less-than gentle movement. They were so close that he could almost taste her lips. The smell of her perfume surrounded him and he felt almost more intoxicated by that than the alcohol in his system. “Am I wrong?” Their lips finally met and Prince brought his other hand up to wrap around her neck. He knew he wasn’t wrong, he knew she did hate him but that didn’t change the matter of the sexual tension between them. 

{ v ;; no reason. 

            Jason chuckled sourly but he couldn’t help the feeling of hurt that crept into his chest in reaction to her words. He knew she was only speaking in anger but he needed them to reach an understanding and didn’t want her to lash out at him. “You hate me?” He challenged, face deadpan. “You broke my heart, Iola. You left me. And I never hated you, I never did. I would have come with you, I would have dealt with the long distance but you didn’t want that, remember?” Jason didn’t like looking back on the day Iola announced she was leaving. At first he had been so happy for her that she was chasing after what she wanted to do but when he learned that meant them separating he had felt his heart shatter in a way he’d never known before. Watching her walk away was something Jason knew, now that he had her back, he couldn’t face to see it happen again. Which was why this argument was striking the fear into him. “I wanted to hate you but I couldn’t. I just thought I know you love me and that must have been so hard. I never stopped loving you. So what if I got with another girl? I was trying to move on. If you wanted me to be faithful to you then maybe you should have, I don’t know, stayed in a relationship with me!” Jason felt his anger growing with his words. He knew Iolas issue moreso lay with the fact that he hadn’t told her about Molly but he felt like he was being penalised for cheating when they weren’t even together. He had never really dealt with the pain of losing Iola and talking about it with her now was getting under his skin. The heartbreak he had experienced as a result of her departure had stayed with him in the months she was away. He had tried to move on with Molly but as nice as she had been, she was no Iola. “I didn’t need to leave to know I couldn’t be without you. I never broke your heart, you broke mine.” Jason sighed and ran a hand over his face. It was becoming tedious at this stage, their arguing. She either would or wouldn’t forgive him for his mistakes and he needed to know what it was going to be. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Molly. From the second you’ve been back, I haven’t even thought of anything but us. You can’t tell me you hate me because of that. You don’t mean it and I know you don’t.”

{ v ;; july 17th. 

           Zayn laughed when Ari teased him about the colour of his hair. He liked the blonde but he could see where she was coming from with her jokes. He shoved her lightly but didn’t realise his own strength as she fell off the couch. He laughed and reached down to help her up, attempting to apologise through his chuckles. His laughter grew when she dragged him down with her. The pair keeled over each other, laughing together too much at their own bullshit. Zayns eyes landed on Ari and his laughter faded into a gentle smile as he took her in. He enjoyed spending time with her, she was good for him to be around. There was a sudden tension between them as they just looked at one another. Zayn felt the urge to lean in but just as he began to do so, they were disturbed as Harry walked into the room. Zayns view snapped up to look at his band mate, his smile widening almost instantly. Harry questioned why they were on the floor as he reached a hand out to pull them both up and Zayn found himself drawn to paying attention to Harry, as if he hadn’t just been about to kiss Arianna. He immediately began to flirt with Harry from the moment their hands laced together as he pulled Zayn from the floor. He didn’t mean to lose so much focus on Ari but he couldn’t help his actions as he found himself drawn to Harry. Zayn wasn’t sure when his feelings had first surfaced for Harry or when they’d become so strong. He knew he was taken, and he also found himself wanting to be around Ari more often lately but when Harry showed up it was just instinct for Zayn. Part of him knew that by chasing after someone he couldn’t have, he would never be filled with a false sense of hope. It was all just disappointment from the offset, as expected with Zayn. With Ari, there was a string of hope; maybe even more than that considering Zayn knew the feelings were returned. He wasn’t distracted by Harry’s presence, openly more bashful in front of him, for too long before he heard Ari announcing “I hate you” before leaving the room. Her words had come out joking but Zayn had picked up on the disdain in her tone. He frowned and immediately chased after her. They got around the corner before he was wrapping a hand around her wrist to pull her back. He knew what her issue was. She had made her feelings for Zayn quite clear and it hadn’t been fair of him to flaunt the flame he held for Harry in front of her after insisting he preferred to be alone. “Hey, come on, wait up.” Zayn sighed as he pulled her to a halt. He watched her turn to face him, looking unimpressed. “You hate me?” He questioned, chuckling slightly because he knew it wasn’t true. His voice was quiet. Zayn brushed a strand of hair out of her face and gently pushed in closer to her, her back hitting the wall. “I’m sorry.” His eyes searched hers. “I really like you, Ari. I don’t want to mess this up but I also don’t want to hurt you so I do things like that, flirting with other people to push you away.” He sighed, his hand cradling her face now. He was used to people getting annoyed with him and this instance he would usually compliment or kiss to distract but he couldn’t bring himself to play with Ari’s emotions like he did everybody else. He stepped back from her. “I’m sorry.” He uttered again before walking away from her.

{ v ;; katie & leo. 

          Katie knew Leo had been avoiding her but for the interest of trying to avoid a fight, she pretended like she hadn’t picked up on it mostly because she didn’t even know what his problem was. She approached her friends, all surrounded around Leo’s locker. She slid in between Ava and Leo, grinning as she greeted them. She watched Leo’s expression fade from laughing at something Eli was saying to a cold, deadpan. He announced he had to go home and turned to leave the group. Katie frowned and looked between anyone to see if she could pick up on any inkling of what was going on. She assumed they knew but she grabbed Leo by the arm as he stepped off from the group, pulling him back. “Leo, seriously. This ignoring me thing is getting old. Whatever I did, just get over it. I miss you.” She offered up, genuinely. Katie was saddened when he showed no interest in making up, a scowl still set into his features. He leaned in and she didn’t appreciate the menace of his action. He clearly didn’t miss her too and if he did then he wasn’t letting it show even the slightest. “I hate you, Katie.” He stormed off then and she was left staring after him in shock, a frown on her lips. She turned back to the group, catching them spinning around to pretend like they hadn’t been watching the interaction. She cocked an eyebrow and rejoined them. “Can one of you please tell me what the fuck I did? He’s acting like I shagged his dad or something.” She remarked sarcastically. She watched the expressions that formed on her friends’ faces, particularly Eli. Her eyes narrowed. She questioned yet again what was going on to which Eli explained Leo knew that Katie had been trying to do exactly as she said with Leo’s dad the last few months. Her eyes widened. “Wait, hold on. I have not been trying to shag Prince.” Although that wasn’t exactly true. “I just think he’s fit, I’m the only one not related to him so I can think that.” Katie liked showing off in front of Prince. He was the hottest grown man she’d ever laid eyes on in her life. She knew he only gave her attention because she was his son’s best friend and his friends daughter, but she enjoyed making a game out of it even if he didn’t know her intentions. She glared at Eli. “Did you tell Leo that I was using him to get to his dad or something?” She shoved him against the lockers. “You’re such a dickhead, Eli, honestly.” She cursed before storming away, chasing after her best friend. Her and Eli would be fine, and she really didn’t care if they weren’t but she couldn’t let Leo go on thinking she only wanted to be around him for his ridiculously attractive father. 

{ b ;; partners in crime.

         A laugh unmatched with any humour fell from Prince’s lips. He turned to face Matt, who had a hand over his face from where Prince had punched repeatedly before Nick and Luna pulled him off. “You hate me? That’s fucking funny, Matt. Why? Because I don’t approve of your relationship? Because I know you’re going to hurt her?” Prince scoffed and stepped closer to what was now his former best friend. He placed his hands on Matt’s shoulders and shoved him, hard. Prince hadn’t gotten a chance to speak with Pandora yet, but there was no amount of explaining or convincing that could come from her own mouth that could change how Prince felt about the two of them being together. Prince glared at Matt and he noticed the scar on Matt’s face. “How’d you get that scar on your face, Matt?” Prince pondered, shoving him again. “Defending me, wasn’t it? Because we’re best friends, right? You’re my brother.” Prince shoved Matt again, a bit angrier and a little rougher this time. “Isn’t that right, Matt? My fucking brother.” The only person in the world that had ever known Prince before and after he turned into the cold, dark man that he came across as to this day was Matt. They’d been best friends since they were children and in a way, Matt saved Prince. It wasn’t something he’d admit, but it was true. There was a likeliness that if Prince hadn’t had Matt in his life, he’d have turned into a complete stone-cold figure and not just the somewhat soft guy with an outer shell that Luna had managed to crack. Part of the reason why Prince hated the relationship was because while he had no faith in Matt, no genuine belief in the relationship, that meant that Matt would (in his opinion) eventually break Pandora’s heart and then that would be the end. Even if they had thought Prince would have been okay with them being together, Matt would still have been sacrificing their life-long friendship for this and Prince couldn’t put his trust into Matt. Prince looked Matt up and down and scoffed. Everything that came before didn’t matter to him now, he was washing his hands of his friend. “I hate you. Don’t ever fucking talk to me again.” Prince seethed. “The next time you’ll see me is when I break your fucking jaw for whatever fucked up thing you do to her.” Prince walked away, nodding at Luna to come with him. His fist was starting to hurt from his attempt to beat Matt to a pulp.

[not-so-innocent-bi-sander]

I’m Trash!

Ok. So this was an idea I remember from one of those “Famous Tumblr Text Posts” and I couldn’t not do it. I’m gonna get into that multi chapter thing next, I promise! But for now, Here is this thing. :P

Warning- blood mention. But also it’s me, so not anything crazy. Still lighthearted because that's all im good for.

The dark shadow slipped from under Roman’s door. The creative one was having a particularly vivid dream and on rare occasions things had the possibility to manifest in the mindscape. The shadow was free and it wanted to do something fun. It snuck along the walls, peering under the other doorways. Hmm. Too cheery. Hmm. Too serious.

It found a dark room with an equally dark form slumped forward at a desk, appearing to have fallen asleep still online rather than actually going to bed. The light emanating from the laptop was the only light to be seen. Ooo. This one would work. The shadow gave itself a bit more form, revealing itself to have glistening fangs which clamped down on a bit of exposed neck.

Virgil woke to a pinch on his neck, instinctively slapping the spot. “Ugh. Mosquitos? We have mosquitos? Jeez. What was I... Oh yeah. Tumblr.” The anxious one went back to Tumblr, it was only 2am, not bad for a normal night. Now where was he?

Around 7am, Virgil awoke again, his whole body burning from the inside. He peeled himself up from his desk, the laptop keys having left impressions on his face. He placed one hand on his face to rub the indentations and the other on his stomach as though doing so would calm his insides.

“Ugh…. That’s the last time I eat Chipotle… This week.” Virgil rubbed his stomach and groaned. He tried to get as comfortable as he could, grabbing his phone he started scrolling through Tumblr some more.

In what seemed like no time at all, he heard Patton calling him down for breakfast. He glanced at the clock and realized it was already nearly 10am.

“Man, Tumblr is such a time suck.” He said quietly to himself as he popped out of bed and opened his bedroom door, the light shocking his eyes and causing him to hide behind his forearm.

“Why is it so bright out here?!” He called as he walked down the stairs towards food, his eyes still shielded.

“It isn’t that bright, Virgil.” Logan pointed out, sitting at the table reading his newspaper.

“Says you. I think I might have migraine… Too much chipotle.” He wandered into the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee.

“Want me to fix you a plate, Virge?” Patton asked cheerily. Virgil looked over at the tasty looking spread that Patton had laid out. Just looking at it made his stomach turn even more sour.

“Thanks Dad, but I think I’m gonna sit out breakfast. My stomach isn’t doing so well. I’ll just take the coffee.” His eyes were still mostly shut, the light making his head hurt.

“Aw alright, Kiddo. I’ll come up to check on you in a little while. Go get some rest.” Patton smiled and patted his shoulder.

“You might have a cold coming on, you feel so cold!” Patton stated, pulling his hand away from Virgil. Virgil shrugged and took his mug upstairs, returning to the safety of his dark room. As soon as he was back out of the bright lights of the commons, he felt much better. He placed his mug on his desk and got on his laptop, playing some games to pass the time.

Once again, in what felt like no time at all, he glanced at the time and found that it had been multiple hours.

“Wow. I need to keep better track of time… Then again. You can’t load up The Sims without losing several hours of your life.” He closed up the game and heard a knock on the door.

“Virge? I brought you some lunch!” Came Patton’s cheery voice on the other side of the door. Virgil popped up and opened the door.

“Thanks, Pat.” Virge smiled gently and took the tray. He noticed that Patton had dimmed the hallway lights. Patton smiled and walked away, closing the door as he left so Virgil could continue resting. He placed the tray on his desk and meandered around his room a moment. The food looked pretty good, but it smelled strange to him. It appeared to be a pretty regular sandwich and fries. It didn’t seem out of the ordinary for any reason.

“Ouch!” He picked up a fry and instantly threw it back down. It was burning hot. Patton must have just made them. But he was a glutton for punishment a good french fry. He took a quick bite of one of them and found it burning the inside of his mouth just like it was burning his fingers. He tried to cool it down in his mouth but it didn’t seem to cool and he had to spit it back out.

“Man, why are these so hot? And… Garlicky? Huh.” Virgil shrugged and figured he’d come back to it later when they cooled down. He wasn’t hungry anyway. Plopping back on his bed, he was back on his phone. Another while of scrolling through tumblr when yet another knock on his door.

“Come in?” He called, not moving. Patton pushed the door open and walked in a little bit.

“How are you feeling, Kiddo? Dinner is about ready and…” Patton looked over at Virgil’s untouched lunch and his forgotten mug of coffee from that morning.  

“Have you eaten anything today, Virge? You must be pretty sick if you haven’t been hungry at all…” Patton walked in and slowly placed a hand on Virgil’s forehead, he was still so cold.

“I feel fine, Patton. I just wasn’t hungry? I don’t know. I think I’m just a little nauseous from whatever I ate last night. It’ll pass.” He shrugged. Patton worried, but thats what dads did. He grabbed the tray and the coffee and carried it out of the room.

“Just try and get some rest, ok Kiddo? I’ll leave a plate for you in the fridge if you get hungry.” He called over his shoulder.

“Thanks, Dad.” Virgil continued laying there. He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t hungry… He just wasn’t. Maybe he should try and get some sleep. Placing his phone down, he put his hands behind his head in the most relaxed position he could manage.

Virgil laid perfectly still with his eyes shut, waiting for some amount of tiredness to come over him, but it never did.

/Great, another night of insomnia. Perfect, of course when i’m feeling sick I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Man, being anxiety can really suck sometimes, I bet tha-/ He thought to himself until he was interrupted by another knock on the door. Patton just left, who could it possibly be?

“Come in.” He called, watching the door open and Logan walk in. “Virgil? I can’t see you in here.” He stated, reaching for the light switch and flipping it on. Virgil opened his mouth wide and hissed at the bright light, much louder than the last time he had hissed at Logan during their debate. He flipped himself over and buried his face in the pillow. Logan could have sworn… In the light it almost looked like.. Virgil’s teeth were… No. That would be ludicrous.

“I uh.. Sorry,” Logan flipped the light back off and Virgil rolled back over to face him. “I just came to tell you that Roman wants to go on an adventure in his kingdom once again.. But Patton said you weren’t feeling well. So I just came to tell you we shouldn’t be gone longer than a day or so. I brought you these, in case you wanted some gentle entertainment while you were sick. I think they should be to your liking.” Virgil was confused, he glanced at the time and saw it was somehow 8am? Man, this stomach flu was really messing with his sense of time. Logan placed two very large books down on Virgil’s nightstand.

Looking over he saw one was a collection of Grimm’s Fairytales and the other was the nearly complete works of Edgar Allen Poe.

“Thanks, Lo. I’ll check those out. Have fun in la la land.” Virgil smirked. Logan nodded and left. Virgil got bored of Tumblr after some amount of time and eventually picked up the Brothers Grimm fairytales book. He did not expect all of these to be so dark.. Logan was right these were his kind of stories. They seemed to read pretty quick, it didn’t seem like very long before he had finished the hearty tome and put it off to the side. He grabbed Poe next, he had been told many times that this was something he would also enjoy.

This book was also great. Man, is this why Logan reads so much? These stories were awesome. He would have to ask that nerd if he had more books he could read. Another knock on the door. Man, these guys kept popping back in on him.  

“Yeah?” He called, not looking up from his Poe anthology.

“Virgil? How are you feeling?” Logan asked, pushing the door open once again.

“Uh, same as I was when you asked like half an hour ago?” He smirked, still nose deep in his book. Logan’s eyes opened wide.

“Half an hour? Virgil, I was gone with Roman and Patton for nearly 3 days. Have you not… Slept? Eaten? ..Moved at all?”

“Pshh. Logan. If you are going to try to trick me, go with an amount of time that makes sense. All i’ve managed to do since you were gone was…. I dont know. I was on tumblr for a while… I read like both of these books. Great books by the way. Do you have any more?” Virgil gestured to the two huge books Logan had left with him.

Logan had to keep his excitement for Virgil’s reading to himself, there was something very wrong here.

“…Stay right here. I’ll be right back.” Logan quickly left, leaving Virgil there with a shrug as he finished up his book. Logan returned in, what of course felt like no time to Virgil, about a half hour.

“Virgil, please come downstairs, i’ve dimmed the lights and everything.” Logan poked his head back in.

“Ugh. What is it Lo? I promise I’m fine. I’m just sick or something.” He tossed the book down and followed behind Logan. The light in the rest of the house was dim, and while it stung his eyes a little, it was manageable. He plopped down on the couch across from Roman and Logan, Patton seemed to be busy in the kitchen.

“Virgil, we are… Are you using a different foundation? You look even paler than usual.” Roman began, getting distracted by his appearance. Virgil shrugged.

“I don’t know, I haven’t checked my makeup in the mirror in a while? Maybe this is just what my skin looks like without makeup. It’s not like I go outside.”

“…In anycase. Virgil… We are concerned about your well-being. You aren’t eating, sleeping.. You seem to be unaware of the passage of time. Are you feeling well? You may be seriously ill.” Logan noted. Virgil suddenly sniffed the air deeply.

“Man… That smells amazing, Patton. What are you making?” He didn’t even realize he was on his feet all of a sudden, his feet carrying him toward the kitchen. Logan, however, did notice how much Virgil’s pupils dilated when he took that whiff of the air. As well as noting he couldn’t smell anything at all. He got up and followed after Virgil, Roman noticing everyone moving and followed.

“Oh, I’m making you some chicken noodle soup, Kiddo! Great for when you are sick! I haven’t actually started cooking yet though.. So i’m not sure what you are smelling? I’m just chopping the vegetables.” Patton chuckled. “Although… With how dark it is in here, I slipped a little and cut my finger pretty good.

Patton held up his hand, blood dripping down his index finger in a thin line that was trailing down his hand. Virgil was absolutely transfixed on the cut and the trail of blood. Logan watched Virgil, staring intensely at Patton’s blood. He reached out to put a hand on Virgil, but the anxious one had stepped forward and gently grasped Patton’s forearm.

“I don’t know why… But I want to… I can’t… I need…” Virgil was struggling with something and he surprised them all when he leaned forward and licked the line of blood from Patton’s forearm up all the way to his fingertip.

“MMMMmmmm…..” He uttered.

All of them stood in shock.

“Uh.. Kiddo? Are you… Some kind of.. Vampire?” Patton asked, a bit shaken. Virgil paused a minute before just kind of shrugging.

“You know… That would actually explain a lot. Huh. I just kind of thought I was…. You know… Trash.”

@twentyoneparades-to-panic-at @celiawhatsherlastname @de-is-me @authordreaming13 @introverts-assemble @lilylunalovegood2002 @musicwitchthomas @didsomeonesayprince @heracaine @freepaperie081 @loverofpizzaandallthingssweet @cefmua56 @justanotherpurplebutterfly @kittyboof8 @emphoenixcat @morticiaaddams1

[qonqr]

Thanksgiving

It is tradition in the US to often pause during the Thanksgiving holiday and reflect on what we are thankful for.  While I write this, I am sitting with my parents at our family farm.  After doing some chores, my father handed me a newspaper clipping from 99 years and 9 month ago.  My uncle found it while doing ancestry research. I had known the story, but had never seen it in print before.

McGregor, Feb 16 – Special: Yesterday the fourth member of the George Davis family to die in a week of influenza was laid to rest in the little country cemetery south of McGregor. Nine others of the family are in bed with the disease. Ten days ago the entire family, father, mother and eleven children were found sick with influenza by a McGregor physician. It was impossible to secure nurses for three days, and by that time the disease has assumed a virulent form with several of the family.  The youngest, a two year old boy, was found dead by the physician the third morning and the father delirious and beyond help. He died that afternoon. The oldest son, a young man of twenty-three died Friday.  Yesterday the mother passed away. This leaves nine children, five boys and four girls, ranging in age from twenty-one to four.  It is believed that the disease has passed the crisis with all of these and they will recover, though grief and shock are aggravating their condition.

Mr. Davis was a McGregor who started with nothing and by the hard toll and self denial of himself and wife and their children, as they became old enough to help, gradually got ahead. At the time of his death he owned two good farms and a large amount of livestock. Two years ago he built one of the largest barns in this part of the country. Since then the family has been saving for a new home.

 My grandfather Clarence was the seventh child, and the second youngest surviving boy in this family. He was 9 when his parents and youngest and oldest brother died.  My father tells the story of how my grandfather relived the sickness. He was one of the first to recover from the illness. He said it was his job to take care of his 4 year old sister for days, fearing she would die overnight several times that week.

Clarence survived a hard childhood, got married, and had 4 children of his own. Sadly he lost one of his daughters at 3 months old to pneumonia, and his wife died from complications caused by rheumatoid arthritis in her 40s. My father was only 15 years old when he lost his mother, but she was hospitalized for much of his youth.  

I had a special bond with my grandpa Clarence who lived down the hallway from me growing up. Clarence lived to be 76. He died on my 11th birthday after suffering a heart attack while working on the farm.  When I visit the farm, I sleep in the room that was once his.

While tragic, these stories of loss to illnesses that are very treatable today, are especially impactful for me this year.

For players who have been around the game for years, they likely felt like I have been missing for much of this year.  It has been 6 months since my last blog post, twitter and Facebook have been very quiet, and when was the last time the apps were updated?

One partial reason for the lack of activity is that I have been working on the most challenging game update I’ve ever attempted for most of the summer and fall.  It is nearly ready to release and there will be more information in a blog post I will probably publish in a week or two.

However, this has been a tough year for my family.  My wife had minor surgery earlier this year to correct a problem that plagued her for months. While by today’s medical standards, the procedure was very simple, the same condition was a contributing cause of her great grandmother’s death. More troubling this year, my teen daughter has been fighting intestinal issues since March. We have seen so many doctors, and had so many tests. The summer has been a whirlwind of appointments and stress. A 3 day visit to the Mayo Clinic finally eliminated some possible issues, including the need for surgery. Doctors now believe the most probable path to recovery will take some work developing new routines and habits, which has its own kind of stress, but it was a positive outcome that nothing terrible was found.  When I think of all the things we’ve gone through this year and the top notch medical treatments we have experienced, it is hard not to think about what could have been had we lived in our grandparents, or great grandparents generation.

QONQR took a back seat to other priorities for much of this year. For the first time in nearly 5 years, QONQR wasn’t priority #1 for me.  

In February, my developer who had been with the company for 3 years, who I hired while he was still in college, decided to take a new job.  It was time, and we talked for months about his goals and when he might leave. When he started at QONQR, nearly all the technology was brand new for him.  When he left, he was a developer with experience building a multi-lingual mobile app on three different mobile platforms, with cloud development experience for building systems at scale.  He had outgrown QONQR and the salary I could pay. I was proud to have prepared him for the next step.

I had decided I would wait a few months before looking for his replacement, but then the health issues began.  The timing could not have been better. It would have been difficult to manage the work of my former developer while everything was going on, and there would have been absolutely no way I could train a new person.  Call it fate or what you will, but it was definitely the best time for me to be running QONQR on my own. With no employees, no one tethered me to the office during regular business hours, giving me the freedom to do the other things that needed to be done during the day.

In early summer, a very large company approached me asking for help with their mobile app after seeing a talk I gave on mobile security at a local conference. Some of you may even have one of their vehicles parked in your garage.  Normally I would have said no to anything that took me away from QONQR. However with insurance as it is today, and enormous deductibles, I took a 1 day a week consulting engagement to help this company. This gave me the opportunity to earn some extra money to help with the new bills, and was beneficial to me in two ways.  A temporary change of scenery is nice.  It rejuvenates a developer to jump into a new project and work with new solutions every once and a while. Additionally, it has become an opportunity for me to interact with several developers on a regular basis, trading tips and techniques that make us better at what we do.

This summer has been one of priorities and tradeoffs.  The summer, which stretched into the fall, has been good for me.  I’ve spent more time with my family, and purposely removed much of my work stress by letting QONQR “coast” at a moderate work pace.  For much of this year, I have only worked 25-40 hours a week on QONQR, instead of the typical 60-70 hours a week of the previous 4 years.

QONQR could have very easily entered a slide that was unrecoverable.  Sometimes customers lose confidence when owners disappear.  Every entrepreneur fears that their business could crash the moment they take their eye away to focus on something else.  You didn’t let that happen.  You kept things going, even while I was distracted with more important things.

This brings me to what I am thankful for.  Family and health. When I look back at the tragedy that impacted my family only one and two generations back, I understand how fortunate my family is today.  I’m thankful my wife has a good job. I’m thankful she tolerates my work schedule. I’m glad I have the flexibility to shift my time as I need it. I’m thankful my career has given me the skills and experience that present opportunities I need when times are tough.

For you the QONQR player, I am very thankful for you.  In the past year, revenue has stayed steady.  Player growth is slowing increasing. I’ve seen an increase in the community collaboration. I’ve seen “retired” players return to the game with energy and enthusiasm.  Yes we may have been “coasting” through the summer and fall, but thanks to you, we were coasting up hill.

When I look back and think about how we got here, I see struggle. I see week after week of absurd hours and work days that end at 2am multiple days a week.  I see years of receiving no pay, and living on bank debt. I see the fight to keep the servers stable and the game a positive experience. I see all this, and I see where we are now.

I see QONQR. I see a game the chugs along without the need for me to closely monitor servers or player interactions. I see players that create community and family from strangers. I see passion and excitement.  I see players being creative and pushing themselves to find new and interesting ways to enjoy the game.  I see people that make it possible for me to keep living this crazy life of an entrepreneur, even when that life won’t let me be fully engaged with my business. I see friends.

Stay tuned for more blog posts. I have a few more things that are almost ready to share. Things are getting back to normal for me, and I’m looking forward to new things we have planned.

Thank you! You make QONQR possible. You make QONQR great. Together we will do more.

 -Scott (aka Silver)

[bigtinyworldtravel]

When longterm traveling, you’ll find yourself in places all around the world during all seasons of the year.  Sure, summertime is popular because the kids are on vacation and the weather is warm.. but over the years, we have grown a real affinity for traveling in the off-season.

Let us tell you why.

No crowds

This comes first because this is our favorite reason to travel off-season.  We love to have our space, and we hate tripping over thousands of other people.  People who break the serenity of the beach, people who unwittingly step in front of my photographs, people who block the walkway with red umbrellas and selfie sticks, people who raise my stress level and diminish my experience of a place.

Crowds mean we have to wait in lines longer, eating into time better spent exploring.  Crowds drain the energy of service workers, making them more flippant and impatient.  Crowds fill the air with cigarette smoke and litter the ground with wayward ticket stubs, receipts, and food stall garbage.

Masses of people also attract unsavory characters who use the confusion and cacophony to take advantage of tourists through scams or theft.

Don’t get me wrong; we aren’t antisocial, and crowds are good in certain scenarios.  Restaurants, concerts, and sporting events would be very boring with no one there.  But we don’t want to fight them while sightseeing.

Without other people, we can truly enjoy a place as it’s meant to be observed.  I can quietly take my pictures without being jostled by fifteen screaming kids who couldn’t care less about the stunning vista before them.  I can walk the trails in peace and calm.  Everything is at our own pace – no pressure and no interruptions.

Though we visited in November, Rome was still packed with people.  We waited in line for the Colosseum for almost an hour, and Aaron narrowly escaped being pickpocketed.  We had to dodge large groups everywhere we went, and we were hounded by people constantly trying to sell us tours.  The Vatican Museum was a nuthouse; we could barely move through the halls (or fight the current of populous to stop long enough to take a picture).  We’re glad we went, but we won’t quickly repeat the experience.

Conversely, when we visited Dubrovnik – a city popular for its many Game of Thrones filming locations – it was almost a ghost town.  Its main attraction is the city walls, which are ordinarily packed with people.  We had them almost entirely to ourselves.  Circumnavigating the city from above was peaceful, beautiful, and delightful.  Bonus: without too many people to scare them away, there were street cats everywhere!

This is also why we’re a fan of early morning excursions.  While we don’t relish the idea of waking up early, there’s nothing that can compare to being alone at Landscape Arch at sunrise.  To us, this is heaven.

Cooler weather

Depending on where you go, you might also have cooler weather.  Some see this as a negative, but if you’re active like we are, this is a huge plus!

Summertime is quite popular for many attractions, especially if they’re outdoors.  This time of year typically promises better weather (drier days) and plenty of hours of daylight.

We have found that winter is actually an excellent time of year to visit places like national parks, especially if you’re into hiking.  We visited Zion National Park early last year, and we hiked the famed Angels Landing.  Not only did we have next to no one to battle on the ridge (which can be quite dangerous), but the day was pleasantly cool – perfect for a strenuous hike!  The sun was still shining, and the views were spectacular, but we didn’t have to suffer in sweltering heat!

We visited Colorado every year for Christmas, and we went on hikes every trip, without fail.  While it was colder (there was often snow on the ground), Colorado boasts over 300 days of sunshine – perfect weather to scale a mountain or explore rock formations!

Snow also opens up a whole new category of experiencing a location.  Snowshoeing, skiing, snowmobiling, iceskating, sledding… not to mention it’s a great excuse to sip on mulled wine or spiked cocoa!

Discounted prices

This is another major perk with traveling off-season.  With most of the tourists gone, many businesses lower their prices to attract more of the locals.  Attractions are discounted, and some are even free of charge!  Kotor’s castle and fortress ruins are ordinarily €8 per person.  When we arrived, we were thrilled to see the turnstiles lowered and the ticket booth unmanned.  The same was true for the Trsak Castle in Rijeka.

We have found some national park admissions are also greatly reduced.  Visiting Plitvice Lakes National Park during the winter cost us less than a quarter what it would have during high season.

In addition to cheaper activities, accommodations also cost less (unless you go for free lodging options).  Airbnbs charge less and are more amenable to negotiating prices when there’s less competition for the rooms.

If you need to rent a car, these are also often less expensive.

Cheaper flights

And of course, flights are cheaper, too.  This deserves its own category, because this could be a huge cost savings.  Depending on where you’re going, there could be hundreds of dollars of variance between high season and low.  If you want to travel longer, like us, that matters!

With less demand, you’re more likely to have a spare seat next to you (extra space!), and you’re less likely to be asked to gate-check your carry-on.

Want to know which days are the cheapest to fly in 2020?  Check out this post by FareCompare for some ideas.

More flexible travel options

This is how busy the Colosseum was in winter.. I can’t imagine the crowds in summer! Entry caps are enforced during high-season; we had no trouble showing up the same morning and getting in in a reasonable time.

During the off-season, there are fewer people contending for the same activities, transportation, and lodging as you.  Therefore, travelers have much more flexibility during this time.

You can show up to an attraction without booking in advance and still get in.  You can get a bus ticket to a neighboring city the day before.  You can tack on an extra night at your Airbnb when you find you’ve fallen in love with a place.  We’ve even been able to arrange late checkouts to better align with departing flights so we aren’t stuck for hours wandering the city with all our gear.

This flexibility can be great if you meet fellow travelers on the road who say you have to check out X place but you didn’t even know it existed beforehand.  Instead of missing out on something that ordinarily books months in advance, you can just go.

This is true travel freedom!  The way we travel, we aren’t even really sure exactly where we’ll be next week or next month.  And even if we have an idea, we don’t have exact dates arranged more than a week or two ahead of time.  Setting a specific date a few months down the line is very difficult.  We much prefer to go where the wind blows us and take each day as it comes!

More authentic experiences

Most of the tourist-driven businesses close during the off-season.  This might lead to some disappointment if you have your heart set on seeing a famous attraction, but this opens the door to alternate, off-the-beaten-path activities.  Visiting during this time, you’re forced to eat where the locals are eating and exist in the city without the glamour erected for the sake of tourism.

While the Computer Museum was closed in Rijeka, Croatia, the squares in the center of town came alive at night with their Advent Christmas Market.  Packed with locals for illuminated Christmas trees and lights strung across pedestrian walkways, dozens of food stalls serving fritule and hot wine, and free music across multiple stages, the atmosphere is magical.

Furthermore, without hordes of tourists, more locals emerge.  The interactions are more real, and residents are more excited to hear the story of someone not afraid to visit their home while it’s raining.

And public events are geared more toward the locals than travelers.  You’ll probably find less catered to English-speakers, but this is where you can really experience the true nature of a country.

Later and earlier golden hours

This one’s for the photographers out there (especially the ones who love to sleep)!  While “low season” doesn’t always translate to “winter,” this is often the case.  And one of the major benefits to traveling in the winter is the shorter days.  Sure, you don’t have as much daylight to shoot, but it’s so much easier to photograph sunrise at 8am than it is at 5:30am!

And if you’re into night shots like me, you don’t have to wake up at 2am to capture the Milky Way!  Sossusvlei in the Namib Desert was plenty dark to shoot the stars by 8:30.  The sun was down by 6:30pm in Spitzkoppe, and we shot moonscapes at 9:30pm.  We had no trouble getting up in time to shoot sunrise the next morning at 7am.  I love golden hour, but I’m also highly possessive of my sleep!

Conversely, when we visited Norway, we almost never saw the sun rise or set.  We were there during the shoulder season (still next to no crowds!!), on the cusp of summer.  It was still light out at midnight, and the one day we got up at 4:30am, the sun was already in the sky!  However, at this latitude, golden “hour” lasted at least three!!

Unique scenery

And along these lines, traveling off-season lets you see a place seldom seen by high-season tourists.  The scenery changes with the foliage, and if you are fortunate enough to visit during a holiday, you might witness unique decorations.

While it wasn’t due to a particular season, we were thrilled to experience Deadvlei in the fog – something few see!  And though others typically just see the ruins of Trsak Castle (which are incredible on their own), we had the additional treat of being delighted with its curtains of lights.

Everyone visits Japan in the spring.  We deliberately avoided that high season (though we’ll hit it next year on our return trip) and went for autumn instead.  This still wasn’t off-season (it’s actually quite popular – especially among Japanese traveling within their own country), but it was different from what most people picture for Japan.  We loved the trees this time of year (I’m a sucker for fall colors!), and we still got to see everything we wanted to.

I was also thrilled to visit Bryce National Park in the winter with the mysterious hoodoos capped in snow, the white beautifully contrasting the bright orange of the rock.  Photographing in the wintertime is one of my favorite things; snow makes everything more beautiful!  Can you tell I also have a soft spot for the frozen white stuff?

The downsides

Of course, off-season is less popular with travelers for a reason.

Weather is more of a risk.  We were in Ireland in October, and it was very rainy.  That doesn’t make for very pleasant sightseeing, especially outdoors.  But it was perfect for hopping pubs in Dublin!  We’re fortunate in that we’re traveling slower than most, so we can afford to stay in one place longer and hold out for the better weather days.  If you’re considering traveling in the off-season, be sure to familiarize yourself with the regions weather patterns and be prepared.  A lightweight, waterproof jacket can make all the difference!

Some of the attractions might be closed for the season or have restricted hours.  This doesn’t bother us too much, as we want to explore more of the lesser known sites, anyway.  But if you really want to see something in particular, look into it ahead of time to make sure it’ll be open during your visit.  Keep in mind places like national parks might also have partial closures or become inaccessible with snow.  This was true for both Yosemite National Park and Plitvice, but we didn’t feel it diminished our experiences at all… it just gives us an excuse to return and see the rest!

You might have a harder time finding restaurants.  Many are supported by tourism and therefore only operate seasonally.  But don’t worry too much; the locals need to eat as well!  You’ll just have to look a little farther off the tourist track.

Other services could be limited as well.  Generally, tourist offices operate year-round, but you might encounter fewer English-speakers.  We personally haven’t had any issues in this department, but it’s a great excuse to brush up on some of your foreign languages!

In conclusion

We discovered traveling in the off-season years ago with a trip to Yosemite.  Ever since, we’ve been hooked!  Traveling long-term, we were guaranteed to hit off-season eventually, and it’s something we look forward to!  Now, we love the lack of crowds, the cheaper prices, and the more authentic experiences.  Sure, there are some drawbacks to this type of travel, but if you approach it with the right frame of mind, it really can be the best way to go.

Have you ever traveled off-season?  Where did you go?

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With many years of traveling, we have grown an affinity for the #offseason. Let us tell you why. #offseasontravel #worldwidetravel #longtermtravel #travel When longterm traveling, you'll find yourself in places all around the world during all seasons of the year. 

[captainhookcaptainfreedom]

Study Buddies. Just Study Buddies. (a Sherlolly fanfiction)

This was written for @katfevre for the Sherlolly Fic Exchange 2017.

Prompt: Sherlock and Molly at university. They keep running into each other in the library: looking for books in the same section, hiding/studying in the same secret corners. Small polite exchanges develop into longer conversations, which develop into a friendship and eventually into a snogging session in the book stacks.

Molly Hooper was a scholarship student. The only reason she was able to attend the “Doyle School for the Gifted” was her brilliant test scores. That and the abnormal love she had for anatomy at the age of 11 which had intrigued the school board and admissions staff. She had been accepted into the school at age 12 and had been going there for 5 years now. As a senior, Molly Hooper would be expected to complete a final (and impressive) research project before heading off to university. Most Doyle students could choose to go to whatever university they wanted. Molly, however, knew that her family would struggle to fund her future academic ventures and knew that she had to make this last year at Doyle count. In order to do this, Molly found herself studying in the library every day for many long hours.

William “Sherlock” Holmes was from a so called “legacy family” at Doyle. His older brother, Mycroft, had attended the school. As had his mother. His mother’s father had gone to Doyle and his father before him. The Holmes had always been students at Doyle ever since its conception. It was expected that Sherlock would not be the last Holmes to attend Doyle School. Of course, that was the opinion of the school and of the Holmes parents and ancestry. The opinion of Mycroft and Sherlock Holmes was, in fact, that they would be the last two Holmes to attend Doyle. Mycroft was not inclined to procreate anytime soon due to his extreme lack of interest in women and his abundant appreciation for the male form. Sherlock had proclaimed on more than one occasion that he found everyone, no matter their sex, far too dull to even be bothered with and that he had no intention of ever tying himself to one of them permanently. Sherlock preferred to throw himself into the quest for knowledge, useful knowledge. During his senior year at Doyle, unlike most of the teenage boys running rampant on the property, he’d spend most of his time cooped up in the dusty old library.

 Doyle School for the Gifted was attended by students of all sorts. The one thing they all had in common was that they all were “gifted” in some way. Not all were the blatantly intelligent like the Holmes brothers or even Molly Hooper. Many were intelligent in certain areas, but some simply had impressive talent. Doyle employed staff of all sorts to meet every need of their students. Even their stranger needs would be met. Molly’s own small circle of friends displayed this. Molly herself did as well.

She had a therapy cat. His name was Toby. He had been a gift from her father and was the only thing that helped calm her down after a bout of her social anxiety. She was allowed to keep him in her dorm room. There were vets available to her in case he ever needed anything. If needed, she was even granted permission to carry him with her to her classes.

Then there was James Moriarty. Molly was friends with him, or at least she was friends with parts of him. She was friends with what they (their little group of friends) kind heartedly referred to as “techie Jim”, “gay Jim”, and “shy Jim”. There were probably a few other “Jims” she got along with, but those three were what she deemed Jim’s best. Jim Moriarty had a personality disorder. A multiple personality disorder aka dissociative identity disorder. Despite this apparent “setback” to Jim’s learning, he’d instantly been accepted to Doyle. Jim was beyond clever. Somehow, Doyle had gotten ahold of expert therapist and counselors to work with the Moriarty boy and attempt to help him when his darker personalities came out to play. Occasionally, they were unsuccessful and James would attempt arson or suicide, but they always found him before anything went too far.

Then there was Sebastian Moran. He was Jim’s right hand man. Sebastian would stay by Jim’s side through all the personalities. (Molly had noted more than once that “gay Jim” was the most likely to willing and excitedly stick to Sebastian side.) He himself had a few anger issues and had been called a sadist more than once. He’d been accepted to Doyle at 16, far later than most. He’d already been sued twice when caught hunting on private property. Doyle didn’t mind the criminal record.

Of course, there were also Meena and Mike who didn’t seem to have special needs of any kind.

Molly was content with her small and odd group of friends. She had no interest in pursuing new ones. The mere thought made her skin crawl.

 Sherlock Holmes had no need for people. He had no friends. Well, he had one friend at Doyle. John Watson had somehow wormed his way into Sherlock’s nonexistent social circle. He had easily grabbed the title of “best friend”.

 A blur of black and purple rushed into the Doyle library. It was Sherlock Holmes. His sharp, pale features were an extreme contrast from his dark hair. Already there, in a quiet and dusty corner, was Molly Hooper.

Sherlock took a seat at the opposite side of the large library from Molly. The two did not even notice each other’s presence.

The librarian at the Doyle School, a lovely older woman with a spunky attitude by the name of Martha Hudson, knew both Molly and Sherlock very well. She had not been fond of the previous Holmes students, but she thought Sherlock was an absolute dear. She had declared Molly Hooper to be “as sweet as pie” the first time they had met and her opinion of the girl had lasted. When the old grandfather clock in the library rang out that it was already midnight, Mrs.Hudson collected her things and left the library, locking the doors behind her. All the students had been gone for hours. Well, all the students but two, Molly Hooper and Sherlock Holmes. Neither student reacted as Mrs.Hudson left for the night. They had both gone through this before.

 At around 2am, Molly Hooper stretched out her arms, rolling her sore shoulders. She had sat here looking over these endless documents for hours. None of it even seemed to be helpful to her research. She got up and wandered the stacks, knowing that it always helped her think. As she passed the shelves she would occasionally stop and pull out a book she thought might possibly help her project until she reached her destination. She already had five books in her hands, but knew that she must fit one more. Trying not to drop her selected tomes, she reached up, stretching her short body, and barely grasped her fingers around the desired item. A play. A Shakespearean play. Today it would be Much Ado About Nothing . Last night it had been Romeo and Juliet . Tomorrow night it might be -

Molly stopped. It was missing. Richard III was missing. Molly knew she had put it back after she’d pulled it a couple weeks ago. No one else came into the Shakespeare section. No one. At least, she didn’t think so. She had never seen anyone other than her there before.

Molly turned around, her brain preoccupied with what had happened to Richard III , and instantly knocked into something very solid. Something that should not have been there. Something that was actually a someone.

“Holy fucking hell,” Molly shouted. Her breath coming in gasps as she stared shocked at the other body. The body she was sure had no business being here at 2:30 in the morning. “You scared me half to death,” she accused him. The library was only dimly lit at this hour but she could still recognize her companion. Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock freaking Holmes.

He eyed her. “I didn’t realize you were here. The library is closed after all.”

Molly started turning red from anger (but perhaps also a bit from embarrassment. She had shouted so crudely and all her books had fell from her arms onto the ground. It made her look careless and as much as he was a prat, Sherlock Holmes was a gorgeous and frightfully intelligent prat.) She stumbled over her words as she begin, “I have, I mean, Mrs.Hudson she gave me special permission to be here after hours. Not just today. I’m here every night. She gave me a key. It was only because I explained that I needed the extra time and resources for my research. I don’t sleep anyway. She verified my insomnia with the nurse and-” Molly closed her mouth realizing she had already said too much. She was rambling. She didn’t want to ramble in front of Sherlock Holmes! Well, at least Jim had said her rambling was cute. Maybe Sherlock would think so too. Who was she kidding? Of course he wouldn’t. Wait, that’s right. Sherlock was here. What was he doing here? “What are you doing here so late - er, early?”

Sherlock stepped past her. She had not noticed the book he carried in his hand, but he slipped it back on the shelf. “Mrs.Hudson has let me stay here as long as I please since I was thirteen. I can assure you that I as well am here almost every night.”

Sherlock the turned away from her and walked out into the depths of the library, disappearing within the shelves.

“Huh,” Molly sighed. She collected her books from the floor and the turned back to the Shakespeare shelf. Richard III had returned to its rightful place. “Huh,” she repeated to herself.

 The next day, Molly scoped out where Sherlock sat in the library. He spent much of his free time during the day there, just as she did. She only wasted a few hours finding his preferred spot.

That night, when Mrs.Hudson left, Molly collected her belongings and moved across the library to where Sherlock sat. She quietly placed her things down on the table  next to Sherlock and sat.

He didn’t startle, but raised one perfect eyebrow at her. “What are you doing? You can’t sit with me.”

Molly smiled. “I just thought it might be nice if we spent the night together. Um, the nights here. Studying.” She was already flustered.

Sherlock rolled his eyes. “Well, you were wrong. It will not be ‘nice’.”

Molly was not about to give up.

Their first few nights together (studying! Only studying!) were filled with poor jokes on Molly’s side and contempt from Sherlock. Eventually, however, he would start to smile just a bit when she laughed at something delightfully morbid. He also began showing her his research on bees. She was instantly enthralled. He found that she made

a good research partner. Molly was more than willing to help out anyway she could. Sherlock even found himself interested in her own work on human tissue. Dead human tissue.

The days turned into weeks turned into months. Then, one night they were both there. Molly had left earlier but come back around 3am, never wanting to miss a night with Sherlock. She had gone to attend the Christmas party that Jim was secretly hosted in the dorms. She knew Sherlock wouldn’t come but had silently hoped that perhaps he would show up. She knew she looked nice. Her hair done up and her makeup a brilliant shade of red. So, when she went to see Sherlock she left herself done up. Hoping to evoke a reaction.

She did.

Sherlock found himself looking at her again and again that night. He wanted to kiss her. He’d never wanted to kiss anyone before. But Molly, Molly Hooper.

It’d just be an experiment. Sherlock said that to himself over and over. It’d just be for science’s sake.

So he kissed her.

Her lips were soft. She tasted like mint and ginger. It was positively brilliant. She was positively brilliant. Molly sighed into the kiss. This. This is what she had wanted. He was what she had wanted. Needed really.

Sherlock would never admit it, but he needed her too.

And since experiments always should have more than one trial, he kissed her again.

I'm fairly certain I hadn't posted this on tumblr yet. If I did - well, lucky tumblr gets it twice!

[warblerswickedwords]

Klaine Summer Challenge Day 8- Walking on Sunshine

Word Count: 1,130

Summers often make Blaine feel lonely. (Warnings for depression and anxiety attacks.) AO3

He thinks the heat must be getting to him.

That’s the only explanation he can think of, why else is he tired all the time, or why he’s so hot that he can’t stand to leave the house or even walk down stairs to eat.

More than anything he’s bored.

When he was at Dalton, everything was go, go, go. He woke up and did the same thing everyday, and while most people are ready to escape the tedious routine of school, he misses having something to do everyday. It’s only the end of June, but he spends most of his days waking up at noon (after falling to a restless sleep at 2am) and then taking a nap at around six o’clock.

The time spent in between is spent doing nothing.

He reads, he’s been reading a lot, but the words on the page muddle together and he just gives up and watches another movie instead.

“I miss you guys,” he says to his mom over video chat one afternoon- he can’t even remember what day of the week it is, they all feel the same. “I wish you guys didn’t have to be gone for so long.

“We know sweetheart,” Pam says with a sigh. “But your grandmother is really sick and your father needs me right now.”

But i need you too, Blaine thinks, but doesn’t say in fear of sounding selfish. His grandmother has been sick for a while and the humidity in her retirement residence in Florida isn’t helping her. His parents left at the beginning of the month, right after he finished the school year.

“Have you been having fun? Hanging out with your friends?” She asks.

They’re all with their families on vacation, he thinks bitterly

“A bit,” he lies. “They’re all busy.”

“Oh, well how’s Kurt?” Pam asks, changing the subject with remorse.

While Blaine usually smiles at the mention of Kurt, his heart sinks a bit.

“We’ve gone on a couple dates,” he says, and it’s true. They went to the movies last week - and Blaine was so happy because he didn’t have to talk- and Kurt took him to the New Directions end of the year party, where he mostly sat around and drank soda while everyone else hung out.

He doesn’t blame Kurt for not making him a priority, they’ve only been together for a few months, and when they do hang out Blaine is so nervous because he rarely spends time with people these days.

“We’ll be back in a few weeks honey,” his mom says. “And when we do we’ll all go out as a family- maybe we’ll get Cooper to come back home.”

I’m not even fun to be around, Blaine thinks.

“Yeah mom, that’ll be great.”

*

Kurt texts him late one afternoon if he wants to go on a picnic tomorrow, and Blaine doesn’t even text back until after nine, a simple “Sure, I’d love to :)”.

When he wakes up the next morning it’s a completely different story.

First off all, it’s Saturday. Which means more people in the park than usual and it’ll be so crowded and it’s so hot outside he spends thirty minutes after waking up walking around in his undershirt and boxers and opening all the windows, his breaths becoming shorter. He starts thinking that he has nothing to wear-  he hasn’t done laundry since the end of May- so he’s thinking that Kurt will make fun of his outfit and ohgodishouldjustcancelnow starts running through his head until he’s sitting on the couch, his leg shaking hard and his head feeling like it’s been filled with cotton and rocks at the same time.

The doorbell rings, and it rings multiple times when Blaine can’t force himself to get up to answer. After what feels like an hour, he picks his body and the edges of his vision are fuzzy as he tugs furiously on the doorknob.

“Hey, I thought you may be asleep- you’re not even dressed?” Kurt asks curiously.

The floor sways under Blaine’s feet. “I’m sorry, oh gosh I’m so sorry.”

Kurt tries to place his hand on Blaine’s shoulder but he tenses up so much he retracts. “Are you okay?”

No no no, Blaine thinks. “I can’t breathe,” he confesses, tears brimming in his eyes and threatening to fall on his cheeks.

“Oh Blaine, let’s sit down,” Kurt says steadily, it the most solid thing Blaine is aware of. He feels a strong hand on the center of his back, his feet trudging forward with its guidance as he’s lowered on the couch.

Blaine is shaking and the room is blurring around him and Kurt says something like “lie” - it sounds so far away- and then he feels himself being laid down on the couch. He starts feeling nauseous so he closes his eyes until the pounding in his ears fades away.

When he wakes up project runway is playing at a low volume on the T.V. and Kurt’s hand is toying with the hair on his head.

“You’re still here?”Blaine asks. He debates sitting up but his head hurts too bad.

“Of course,” Kurt replies immediately, his voice soft. ”Plus you’e kind of on my lap.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“I think you said that enough earlier,” Kurt says in a slightly teasing tone. “What happened?”

Blaine explains, and he cries again but Kurt stay silent give or take a few hmms here and there. He apologizes mores and Kurt lets him, going in a steady pattern on the back of his head as they watch models on the screen.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Is Kurt’s first question.

I didn’t want to bother you. I thought you wouldn’t care. I was hoping it would go away.

“It’s complicated. I don’t really know..” Blaine trails off.

“It’s okay,” Kurt says and Blaine smiles quietly. “We’re still going on that picnic you know.”

Blaine furrows his brow. “Oh I don’t know if I-”

“Trust me,” Kurt says quickly. “Go get dressed.”

Blaine sighs and goes upstairs, and puts on a pair of shorts a clean shirt from the floor, thinking that there’s no point in lying and trying to look too presentable.

He brushes his teeth and goes downstairs to see that Kurt has opened all the blinds and has the food he packed splayed out on the coffee table.

“It’s too hot out,” Kurt smiles, “But we can still enjoy the sun.”

Blaine finds an old blanket in the hall closet and spreads it out on the floor. He can Kurt rewind the episodes of project runway he missed and feed each other grapes in silence while leaning against the couch. It’s still hot, but now the sunlight feels warm in a more comforting way.

[slowmotion-nightmare]

Dear Diary

The last two weeks have been busy.

Two weekends ago I took a trip out to Long Island to see a very good friend. We’ve been close since we were 15 and its one of those friendships where no matter how much time has gone by without seeing or speaking to each other, we always pick right back up. Its one of those friendships where we’ve spent so much time around each other we don’t need to explain or apologize the distance. There is always that implied “I love you buddy” energy when we hug hello and goodbye. He had recently become a father and it was our first trip to meet his 2 month old daughter. It was an interesting moment to acknowledge when he said “imagine that, we’re both dads now”. And I knew exactly what he meant. Neither of us really saw ourselves chairing this role. One of the things we’d always connected on was a certain zest for life and recklessness that probably wouldn’t lend well to being a father figure. that said, here we are.

We BBq’d, we drank some beers, we caught up on work. The usual bring you up to speed chitchat. Dinner then transitioned to Bourbon on the back deck. After the first glass we decided lets be honest about it, and admit we all wanted cigarettes (we were all ex-smokers in one form or another).

So with that, a quick jaunt to the local 7-11 to pick up a pack of Ultra lights. God those taste like air. A few hours later and a few drinks deep, 3 of us have already smoked the whole pack. He pretended to borrow my car keys to go back to the store for more but I knew he was simply creating a diversion to go pull out a couple packs that he’d confided in me that he hides in the garage. Some things never change.

As 2am approached we’d managed to kill a brand new bottle of bourbon and 3 packs of smokes between 3 of us (his wife was abstaining from both smoking and drinking.

It was impressive to me that its so easy to pick back up old habits like they never stopped.

Sunday emerged full of bright sunshine. I’d opted to take one of the upstairs guestrooms and this one had a skylight. Gallons of sunshine rained down upon my face as I fought to continue sleeping in the small, full sized bed. Being that the beds were small and he had multiple rooms, I’d opted to sleep alone to optimize space.

After breakfast, I ventured back home, only taking an hour and 45mins. Far better than the almost 3 hours it took me to get out there in the first place. We stopped off for burgers on the way home at a little diner, just outside of town. Imagine white castle burgers but instead of fast food, its legit. Definitely a top burger in my book.

The remainder of sunday was spent cleaning and preparing food for the week.

Monday through Friday were largely uneventful. Grocery shopping, PT, typical work BS in the form of escalations and people generally not doing their job and pissing me off. I grabbed drinks with the boss at a brewery we frequent. The format has changed, no more poker chips for beers. They also redecorated and expanded the floor plan. Its a lot more roomier than I remember it. So much room for activities.

This past weekend was both a flop, yet productive. The original plan was to attend a beerfest at a zoo. This has been something of a family tradition for a few years now. Unfortunately the weather was going to be questionable and after an extreme downpour shortly before the start of the event, we decided to back out. We hadn’t bought tickets yet so there was no financial obligation. We opted for a dinner and drinks out and had a nice evening. the weather held and we could have made it to the zoo, but decisions had already been made.

We ended up staying over because it was late and my little monkey needed to go to bed. Sunday was a productive day. Grocery shopping, washing cars, a walk with Monkey, and food prep.

[wayneooverton]

Burnouts, breakdowns and that pesky work/life balance

Last year I bit off more than I could chew with travel. I said yes to too much. In fact, I said yes to almost everything, because isn’t that what we are told we are supposed to be like?

If I had a few days break in my calendar, I’d take on more work. If I had a few weeks, I’d book a trip somewhere. In 2017 I took almost 100 flights around the world. Sometimes I would literally go to a different country, do a job, fly back to New Zealand, come home for a day, and then fly off again somewhere else. It doesn’t take a genius to say that’s not exactly a sustainable lifestyle, and here I am eight years into this blogging thing acting like it’s year one.

We live in a world that idolizes being busy, that you can always being doing more, and I fucking can’t stand it. I’m over it. I want time for myself again.

Is that so selfish?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful for this world I’ve built for myself as a professional travel blogger, but I finally realized a few months ago that I couldn’t keep up with my own life.

My situation had become unbalanced. Travel didn’t excite me anymore. Stress was my constant companion. The pressure to be successful, to be creative all the time, and stay ahead of the game had been eating me alive.

Without even being aware of it, I quickly was slipping into deep unhappiness, along with some very unhealthy routines. By the end of September, I was just really unpleasant to be around. The littlest things would set me off, I’d get really nervous about normal things like flights or meetings, and I’d freak out over stuff that didn’t matter. Change upset me.

I was becoming bitter and negative. And just plain grumpy. Instead of responding to with excitement to things, I would only see the downsides. I used to always hate people who would react negatively to things or focusing on what could go wrong, and I had gone and become one of them!

A routine trip in October sent me spiraling rapidly towards a total breakdown, something I didn’t realize at the time. And then I stopped sleeping. Like I went 3 and half weeks with no sleep. Yes, it’s possible and yes, it’s literally the worst thing ever.

I’ll preface this by saying I’ve always been a really shitty sleeper. I am not quite sure how I got that way, but I imagine my crazy lifestyle of sleeping in different beds all the time, constantly changing timezones, with crazy work hours and an insane caffeine addiction thrown in for good measure over several years might have had something to do with it. I could fall asleep straight away but would wake up after a few hours and never get back to sleep.

On my travels it was getting harder and harder to get up in the morning. Until that point, I literally couldn’t remember the last time I slept a whole night straight without waking up. Unless I was heavily drugged.

About mid-way through last year I started to see different doctors about my sleep issues, usually resulting in being subscribed some kind of strong sleeping pill that I would invariably quickly become addicted to and would knock me out so hard that I would be sluggish for days afterwards, not even being able to drive.

I tried everything, from lavender baths, lavender sprays, melatonin, herbal shit, tons of exercise, yoga, massage, vitamins, less coffee, among many others.

Then I started working on a sleep routine, going to bed at the same time every night, stopping looking at screens hours before bed, finally making up my bed every day (seriously, who has time for that?), changing my diet, cutting out bad stuff like sugar and eating better, having several hours of dedicated “winding down” time before bed. If I woke up, I’d get up, read for a while in the other room, and then try to start the “going to bed” process over again.

Did it work? Nope.

Then I went from sleeping badly to not sleeping at all.

I don’t need to tell you guys that getting no sleep over long periods of time is just terrible. And even when I was so tired I couldn’t see straight, I STILL couldn’t sleep. It was the worst.

It didn’t take long for me to go slip towards the unhinged and have a bit of a breakdown. And no, not like a Britney-style-shave-my-head-in-public kind of breakdown, mine was far less exciting and boring in comparison. I was deep in a some burnouts.

The lack of sleep caused me so much stress that I couldn’t even brush my hair because my scalp and skin hurt so much from tension,  and I would get multiple migraines a week that only remedial physio and massage could alleviate. My body physically was in pain constantly from the stress of everything. Somedays I wouldn’t be able to move my head and I’d lose feeling in my feet or hands and my stomach constantly hurt.

Day in and out, I almost stopped being able to function, slipping into a zombie-like state for most of the day. I would have panic attacks and feel like I was going to faint; I’d cry uncontrollably at night after hours of trying to get to sleep unsuccessfully shifting between being hot and cold. I’d even start to drift to sleep and jerk awake frozen in a panic convinced someone was in my house to kill me. I wouldn’t be able to nap during the day but couldn’t get my eyes to focus on anything or even read. I snapped at everyone and was a huge bitch. I’d pick fights with my best friends for no reason.

Who was this person I had become?

After weeks and weeks of trying to convince myself that tonight would be the night I’d get some sleep and then failing, I finally found a different doctor who I connected with and who was interested in actually finding the cause of my insomnia. She was great, quickly diagnosing me with severe anxiety, among other goodies. My sleep was also being impacted my a shoulder injury from earlier last year along with some delightful nose problems I’ve been ignoring since college, a perfect cocktail for insomnia and sleep apnea.

But until she uttered the word “anxiety” it hadn’t even occurred to me that this might be an issue with me.

I was a really problematic kid and was forced into a lot of therapy that I hated as a preteen, and since I’ve grown up, I’ve really worked hard and prided myself on just generally keeping my shit together and being in charge. I’ve had ups and downs over the years like everyone. To spiral like this was really new for me and after failing to pull myself together, I realized I did, in fact, need some help.

I polled in on Instagram Stories to see who else had sleep problems, and thousands of you guys replied with the results being an even fifty – fifty. Obviously it goes without saying that I hate all of you who sleep all night long anywhere without any issue. WHAT’S IT LIKE?! But also it was some weird kind of solace to know that I am not alone in this, that a lot of us are in the same boat.

Not to mention a surprising number of you replied telling me to smoke weed. I feel like we are closer, and I know you all better than ever haha.

Forgoing heavy duty sleeping pills for anxiety meds, I’ve been working hard to get my sleep issues back under control. Whether my anxiety caused my insomnia or vice-versa, or a bit of both, who knows.

I’m not a psychiatrist or anything but I do know myself better than anyone else, and I think if anything last year taught me that I had very easily let myself be overwhelmed with stress and become unbalanced with my work and blogging. Obviously, not a good place to be, and not a place I wanted to be in ever again.

I didn’t quit my job to blog and travel full time to hate it or be unhappy. I suppose in some ways subconsciously I was feeling like I need to say yes to all the trips and events, worried that one day things might be different or feeling a need to feel grateful for this life all the time. Like I had to take advantage while I could or something. But the reality was that I was doing too much.

I was burnt out on my own dreams.

I couldn’t sustain the life I had been living, it was too intense with too much stress for one person to manage. I was overwhelmed. I needed to find time for myself again, time away from computers, work, photography and even traveling, in a way.

I needed to find some balance in my life again.

The scales had become to far tipped in one direction, only focusing on work and success, while personal happiness, and the little things we do for ourselves, even my friends and family, had taken a back-burner in importance. Not cool, Liz.

I never put a hold on or checked my stress, rather just telling myself, yup, you can do this, taking on more and more and more, never stopping, never breathing. By the time I stopped sleeping, I felt like I was drowning. While I could pull myself together publicly when I needed to, it was getting harder and harder.

In some ways I often wonder if my very profound insomnia was my body screaming at me to pay attention and get my shit together. Along with seeing sleep specialists (who, to be honest, I’m still really cynical about) and being on anxiety meds, I’ve also have been focusing my energy on establishing routine and balance back into my life.

I used to never have proper work/life boundaries; I basically never stopped working, ever.

Now I wake up, put on a podcast, and spend half an hour or so making coffee, waking up, sitting outside, ect before beginning my day. I stop working at normal hours, like 5 or 6 in the afternoon, making time to meet up with friends, go for long runs or hikes, swim in the lake, and have a few hours decompressing before bed. No more working til 2am.

I bought Netflix for the first time, and I’ll start watching TV or episodes, something I literally never did before. It sounds stupid to write this all down but for me, I needed to establish a normal routine again. I get facials and manicures just for the hell of it, and reminder to look after myself and a little pampering makes you feel good.

I’ve also been making some big changes on the blog that you might not have noticed yet. I’m still figuring it all out but I’ve finally accepted that I can’t keep doing everything myself, and to be honest, I don’t want to. I’m exhausted in more ways than one.

I’ve been working on building a team of my badass women friends to help me run the blog moving forward and to take some of the weight off my back, in all sorts of ways, for helping with partnerships to boring admin tasks, to taking on expert guest writers in areas that I really want more content on. I’m even going to cut back on how much travel I do moving forward, focusing on only a few major trips that excite me,  in the hopes of freeing up more time for me to work on more creative ventures, charities here, and on projects on here that I really want to do that I just haven’t had time for. Oh, and finish my first book!

Oh, and I also want FREE TIME TO DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! There, I admit it – I’m shouting it for the world to hear. I want time all to myself to just be lazy and not be busy with stuff. To think about things again and also think about sweet fuck all.

It’s like Liz 2.0.

It’s been a hard lesson to learn but I’ve realized rather painfully that I’ve got to look after myself first and foremost, and being constantly busy isn’t good for you, no matter what people say.

It’s been a few months now since everything crashed for me, and I really struggled with publicly admitting my anxiety on here for the first time, feeling like its a real weakness or afraid of being judged. I know that other people are probably in the same boat, especially women, and I know there are a lot of people out there dealing with far worse shit than my anxieties, another reason I’ve held back from sharing this.

But I can’t be the only one that feels there’s a real stigma still around mental health these days, and admitting something like crippling anxiety feels like somehow I wasn’t strong anymore or even worse, that I was a failure. But really, what’s so wrong with NOT being able to do it all?

Perhaps one of the most important things I’ve changed is working on just being a little bit nicer to myself. Instead of focusing on what I could be doing better, focusing on staying positive and being proud of what I’ve already done. I think we could all do with a little more kindness, don’t you?

The road uphill hasn’t been easy, and I’ve slipped off the bandwagon more than once, like having a week of no sleep a few weeks in to the occasional midnight Dominos pizza and wine binge (I mean seriously, there are only so many green smoothies a girl can fucking take). And while my sleep schedule isn’t perfect, it’s definitely a very big step up from where it was a few months ago.

But it’s only really in the past few weeks I’ve noticed that my personality is getting back to normal, where something that used to stress me out doesn’t even bother me anymore, and I that I’m back to being much more relaxed and laid back, and that I’m happier. I’ve just come home from a month traveling again and didn’t fly off the rails. Not to mention I’ve had more than one random acquaintance even say to me that I’m shiny and glowing once again, whatever the hell that means. Disclosure – I’m NOT pregnant.

So what’s the point with all my rambling here? I dunno actually. I suppose to just share with all that life is messy and complicated, and don’t be afraid to not be busy and ask for help when you really need it. I’d like to think there’s strength in admitting your problems in an effort to become stronger down the road.

And I’m really looking forward to being really inspired again!

What do you think? Share below!

The post Burnouts, breakdowns and that pesky work/life balance appeared first on Young Adventuress.

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[xottzot]

2017-11(NOV)-03rd-Friday--

2017-11(NOV)-03rd-Friday--

Last night I went to bed as early as I could because I was so exhausted. If anything happened nearby, I might have been unconscious and out of it all completely because of exhaustion.

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false calm

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But then.....at 10:00 and afterwards...from out of the abo criminal households came abo women from the two entwined households across the road from one another and they went to the Koongamia shops.

A very LOUD screaming/shrieking abo toddler on a tricycle went with them and was screaming all the way there and back again. Of course they did nothing to quieten down the shit at all. They would have to be paid to do that. They did however do a very RARE overt show of half-hearted coralling the criminal toddler, and making it go along the footpaths instead of going all along on roads as they normally do.

Other abo's all came out of the places on their return (with the same LOUD screaming toddler shrieking out all the time) again nobody did anything to keep it quiet.

One abo went off on a pushbike (no bicyle helmet because that would mean obeying a law), and another went of in an opposite direction.

It all was like a trigger had gone off.

Neighbours dogs are again barking all over the place because they have been upset by all this shit.

At the main abo criminal household it is strangely 'quiet' but only for the time being. It never lasts.

As far as I know, no Western Austraian POLICE arrived there in multiple vehicles today as they have done so this week 2 days in a row.

I expect the POLICE and authorities have told the criminal households to shut up and be civilised and normal.....but that's totally beyond them. And they all know that.

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Had hardly any sleep.

In pain.

Went to bed early. Woke up around 23:00, let poor Sam and Max outside for ablutions and I did the same. They didn't bark this time however. A rare time when shitheads weren't wandering all over the streets in the darkness.

And that may have been only because of fallout from the POLICE visits (and arrests?) over the past two days.

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In WA state news:......

WA NEWS:------- not far from Cullucabardee......: Man stabbed to death in Alexander Heights

http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/man-stabbed-to-death-in-alexander-heights-20171031-gzcctu.html

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WA NEWS:------- in Ellenbrook--(not far from Cullacabardee)-- "Digging his own hole: man arrested for bizarre shovel attack on Perth"

http://www.watoday.com.au/wa-news/digging-his-own-hole-man-arrested-for-bizarre-shovel-attack-on-perth-businesses-20171101-gzd5q4.html

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WA NEWS:------- (Midland area too)---Man charged over Perth pursuit with ‘unrestrained kid and axe in car’

https://thewest.com.au/news/wa/man-charged-over-perth-pursuit-with-unrestrained-kid-and-axe-in-car-ng-b88649073z

Man charged over Perth pursuit with ‘unrestrained kid and axe in car’

by Simon White

Friday, 3 November 2017 8:20AM

A man has been charged for allegedly leading police on a high-speed chase overnight - with an unrestrained child and an axe in his car.

Police say they first tried to stop the 31-year-old Beckenham man in a Holden Acclaim on Kalamunda Road in High Wycombe around 9.50pm.

They lost sight of the car but then spotted it again on Ridge Hill Road in Gooseberry shortly after.

When officers got out of their vehicle to speak to the man, they allege he drove off again at speed through Gooseberry Hill, Helena Valley and Midland, before a tyre deflation device in Bellevue finally brought him to a halt.

It’s alleged the 31-year-old passenger in the car had her four-year-old son unrestrained on her lap, while an axe was found hidden under the driver’s seat.

The man has been charged with:

reckless driving to escape pursuit

failing to comply with a direction to stop

driving without a licence

possession of a prohibited drug

trespassing

carrying an object with intent to cause fear

He will appear in the Midland Magistrates Court today.

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WA NEWS:----- Aboriginal school children allegedly chased, threatened by Kalgoorlie ute driver

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-11-03/kalgoorlie-aboriginal-school-children-allegedly-chased-man-ute/9113722

It's only half a story, and it's told by a shithead kid from a foster home and somebody else has leapt to wild assumptions based on the crap told to them and a threat-of-tears.

In the NEWS story a self-appointed Kalgoorlie authority on crime (who's a Kalgoorlie criminal) has pronounced their own judgement insisting 'racism' instead of crime facts, and so that's all you need to know. Or to think about. Otherwise you will suffer their wrath.

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WA NEWS---------: Police set upon, injured by ‘aggressive group’ inside Albany house

https://thewest.com.au/news/crime/police-set-upon-injured-by-aggressive-group-inside-albany-house-ng-b88649481z

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I wonder what shit this weekend will bring? - And cause more lack of sleep and peace.

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I love you dear Fliss (Felicity Ann Carthew, Tamworth, New South Wales, Australia), and want to be with you. -- Poor Max has become VERY sullen and upset and keeps coming up to me as I lay in bed trying to rest some pain, and he rests his head next to my head on the bed and just cries. All the time he often goes slowly walking and plodding throughout this matchbox of a hovel looking for you dear Fliss. And he's currently spending more and more time laying next to your chair all alone. - Sam has been worried about poor Max and keeps jumpimg off the bed and again spending hours laying next to dear Max on the floor. Both dogs were fed long before dawn whilst it was 'cool'. Yesterday they were fed at 2am. This morning they were fed late at 4am because I was so exhausted. - I love you dear Fliss and want to be with you.