#like he still has his responsible side... BUT. the appetite.... he's prob be the one driving them to mcdonalds in the end... nomnom

[milkbreadtoast]

This meme is ancient but I randomly saw it again and i needed to do it..... (not sure abt some of the charas but just wanted to fill up space dmfbn)

[har-rison-s]

your worth

request: Loki Smut please! Perhaps both Reader & Loki are in love with each other but in denial. Loki thinks he's a monster and a human could never love him til she proves him wrong.

A/N: Listen,,,, I live for this type of smut. I don't know why. Something about comforting someone or making them feel like they matter is... I love. God, I probs sound desperate. But honestly, I just want to love someone :> Anyway :D I love this request, if you can't already tell, and I hope you'll like it. I hope the anon who requested this is still following me! Truth is, I started writing this one back in July 2019 and got around to finish it two days ago and I've finally done it! it's been tough, that's for sure, I've had many writer's block moments. And I think this is actually my first ever Loki thing. It must be, yeah. Though I feel like I've wrote his character a million years already. I certainly did my best on this one. Smut is always a tad harder than fluff or angst for me and I wish to improve my skills at writing it.  Happy reading! Love you all!

main masterlist

mcu masterlist

warnings: angst, smut, comfort.

“Oh, Steve! Star-crossed lovers, seven o'clock.” Tony speaks, seeing Y/N and Loki walking - unplanned - together into the kitchen. Loki rolls his eyes while Y/N does nothing, perhaps only glancing at Loki for a split second, in fear. She searches for any shared emotion between them, even if it may be discomfort. Anything they could share. Loki and her are both tired from Tony's and Sam's constant teasing. But, like the mentioned two, the rest of the team also see what's really going on between Y/N and Loki.

Now, Loki is in bigger denial than Y/N, because her feelings are showing more above the surface, easier to read. She’s recently realised it, hence she tries her best to conceal her feelings, her embarrassment, her truth, so no one could ‘crack her’. She would love to share these feelings with someone, scream them from the top of the Stark tower so that the whole world knows of it, and, most of all, to share them with Loki. 

But Loki... He’s cold. He denies her supposed feelings, and his own when asked about it. He himself can't accept that someone like her, a beautiful girl inside out, a caring and loving one, could like, much less love, someone like him. Well, there's no one else like him, but... Loki's a monster. A villain in his eyes and those of others. He’s been cowardly and submissive his whole life, committed crimes in hopes of earning love, attention… Acceptance. He’s betrayed his dearest, and is known as a galaxy-wide criminal and villain. Who and how could ever feel such things as love or affection towards him? 

“Your endless teasing is growing pathetic, tin-man.” Loki says to Tony, grabbing the coffee machine's handle to pour himself a cup of the terran liquid. A liquid he’s learned to love the taste of over these several months he’s spent in the tower. Tony snorts. To that Loki only shoots the man a look, though he wished he hadn’t.

“Tony, you should stop. It is starting to get old, this joke of yours.” Steve points out and turns over a page in the paper he's reading. Y/N makes quick work of taking sandwiches from the fridge. Mainly because she hates to be the topic of anyone's open discussion, but also because she can't bear hearing Loki denying his love for her. Truth be told, it hurts her very much.

Y/N only puts a dirty bowl in the dishwasher and walks out of the kitchen, leaving the others feeling quite empty with her leave. Loki's eyes sadden a bit upon it, though he erases that soon. He would have loved to be alone with her in the kitchen. Merely her presence soothes him, simply the breath that leaves her chest through her nose, her quiet touch of hand on counter and feet on floor. But not when these two are around. Her alone. It's far too many people for Y/N there, too many eyes and needless constant comments of the head of the team, hence she decided to come back later. 

She could always enjoy Loki’s presence in their lonesome, but not with others present. Though when she does have the chance, she cannot enjoy it for her nerves and anxiousness, her insecurities. 

“Not until something happens.” Tony states, his chin resting in his hand. “I believe—”

“Whatever theory you are about to voice, Stark, will prove you wrong.” Loki interrupts him, putting on a false smile and batting his eyelashes mockingly. Tony and Steve both look at the god drinking coffee. Loki’s gaze is unbreakable on the two.

“—that my teasing, as you call it, will do the exact trick that needs to be done in order for you to get over all this and just—tell each other everything!” Tony raises his hands in the air and looks at Steve. The captain shakes his head at Tony and looks back down at his paper, merely as tired of this as Loki and Y/N are. He’s thinking of leaving the kitchen soon, too.

“And what would you call 'everything'?” Asks Loki. The master of hiding anything that comes from his heart or his mind, hiding his true intentions. He's playing them both for fools. And himself. He knows what he feels, but he doesn't want to acknowledge it and is afraid to state his feelings.

“Oh, please,” Tony starts with an eye roll, “do I really have to tell you what you want to tell her? Honesty - is it not familiar in your realm?” A pause. “Your undying longing! You want each other, it's clear as day!”

“You don't know what you are talking about. Your human eyes see what you want them to—which is false—for what reason, I cannot guess,” Loki says, “no one could feel... longing for me. Or want me. That'd be...”

“Impossible?” Steve suggests. Loki gives him a look. “Surprises myself, this what I say, but that’s not true.” Loki now gives him a confused look. 

“What could be so wrong with a regular girl liking you? Or being with one?” Tony questions. “You’re discriminating the human race, huh.”

“What's in it for you, regular man?” Loki asks, squinting his eyes at the two men. Tony laughs, but Loki ignores it and slams his empty coffee mug into the sink, leaving the kitchen afterwards in a surprisingly calm stride. 

“Hey, horns! No dishes in the sink!” Tony calls after Loki, but he gets no response. Steve looks at his team-mate.

“Really think something as big as a god would care about a dirty, empty cup of coffee?” He asks and closes the newspaper he was trying to read. Tony once again is at fault for his failure.

“Worth a shot.”

“You're the worst match-maker I've met.” Steve admits and stands up from the kitchen table, leaving the room afterwards. Tony frowns, but doesn't doubt himself either way. He knows he's right. About the coffee cup and about Y/N's and Loki's probability of being a thing. It'll happen at some point. 

“Wanna bet?” Stark calls out to the hallway Steve walked down, but he gets no response from the super soldier. Instead, another voice speaks.

“Bet on what?” Tony hears Y/N's sweet voice behind him, entering the now empty and lonesome kitchen. Unnoticed, she slipped in the room through another door, good for quiet entries, but far from her own room. 

“Oh, you came back.” Tony states and Y/N eyes him across the table they're at. “Didn't like me and Steve sharing you two's company, huh?”

“Me and who's company?” She asks, confusion riddling her face as she makes herself sandwiches, again. The plate that adorned the previous ones now in the sink next to Loki’s cup. The mischief god has noticed her appetite and skill for handmade sandwiches, and the sight of her making another pair usually paints a warm smile on his lips.

“Just your one and only.” Tony says in a sickeningly sweet sing-song kind of voice, decoratively placing his palms under his chin. 

Y/N scowls. “There's nothing between me and Loki and I doubt there ever will be.” She says and even chuckles at the end, when instead she wants to wallow in pity cause that's the probability that is bound to happen. No happy ending, no love from him, no affection, no reading books together, no gazing at the stars, nothing shared… None of that. Only loneliness and longing now left for her.

“So you do hope for something to happen?” Tony questions and Y/N gives him an angry look.

“Why would I? I'm not ready for relationships.” She replies carelessly with a simple lie that’d struck the god in question straight into the heart. Only she wanted to add, unless Loki would want one with me. But she didn't. She doesn't like him, she doesn't want him. It'd be silly if I did. “Did you talk about... anything with him?” She betrays herself with these words.

Tony nods, grinning to himself. He has cracked her. There are feelings involved. “He said that, and I'm using his words, someone longing for him, wanting him, is impossible. And a human feeling it is even more impossible.” He says. “Basically, he dodged a bunch of questions, but we all know what’s really going on.”

“Sure does sound like him.” Y/N agrees quietly. Silence falls between the two as Y/N slices salad with a knife. Tony sighs.

“Could you please do yourselves and us a favor and cut the damn sexual tension between you?”

“A what now?” Y/N echoes, scoffing, a shocked expression on her face. “Firstly, if I was to do something, it wouldn't be because of you. I do things for myself, thank you very much. I don't need a motivator.” 

“And secondly?” Tony asks, looking strongly at Y/N. She realises after a moment she has nothing to add to her second point. Well, nothing that Tony should know from her. “You'll feel much better if you get everything sorted out.” Tony states and Y/N rolls her eyes.

“Enjoy your breakfast, Stark.” She says before walking out of the kitchen for the second time this morning. Tony stays in his pose for a few seconds, wondering if he has worked his plan out and if it will work out on its own.

The day goes by and Y/N has found herself suffering from anxiety throughout it. She doubts herself, she worries about, perhaps, showing too much of her true feelings outwardly. This love, this unreturned, one-sided love should not exist. She should never have had such affectionate feelings towards him. She’s lesser than him, and he sees her so, as anyone of his title and kind would. He is a god, a god thrice older than a thousand years, the same amount older than Y/N herself.

She is a simple human girl, she’s only gifted, that’s what could ever make her special in the eyes of someone his kind. She cannot compare to him, or his brother. She’s so little against the metaphorical and physical him, they simply… do not match. He knows this well and could never return the feelings because of this. She’s stupid to even hope for that. 

But she knows little of what he thinks of her. She’d be delighted, to say the least, if she’d ever hear his thoughts aloud. He thinks of her heavenly, much more heavenly than himself and any other creature he’s seen. He thinks of her as sent from the Allfathers, a precious gift to all everyone she meets in her life. She’s truly all grace, love and beauty merged into one human being and Loki longs everyday to be bathed in it. He may only dream of it, though until a point. 

Both of them spent the Saturday in their rooms, in their personal agonies. Many days like this have come and gone in their lives, days when Y/N is not on a mission, going out with the others, grocery shopping or doing anything otherwise productive. Y/N would be ready to write this Saturday down as the worst in her life until a certain minute struck past nine in the evening. 

The team had gone out, an occasion Y/N was not ready to accompany them on tonight. Some type of celebration, maybe? Well, it always is, no matter the reason. So they left Y/N and some other usual sulkers to their own devices, one of them being Loki. Due to his surprisingly kind heart, tonight he decided on going to Y/N’s room, accompany her, if he may, all by her lonesome, and set his mind right by telling her how she feels.

He was pacing a bit before he headed the needed floor up the tower. Hands touching and mushing his own face times and times over, eyes bulging out of their sockets purely out of torturing anxiety. He moved his hair back, he tousled it back into messy locks, over and over. Having no peace in his mind or body. 

Loki could fail miserably, doing what he’s intended to. He could give out his whole heart and soul to her, and she could laugh in his face. Crying would not be as bad as laughing, so he hopes crying is the worst to come of it. But it could not be the worst… The worst of all outcomes would be her inability to return the feelings. Gods, no… Loki hopes to all whose hands it’s in that she does not have this inability. 

A knock comes softly to Y/N’s door. She raises her head from her book with curious eyes and raised eyebrows. She presses the button to open the sliding door, and to her most surprise, Loki almost falls through when the door opens. He is not used to this kind of technology, not yet. He leaves his door open, as in Asgard the bedrooms did not really have doors that can open and close. There were no doors at all. 

Both their eyes meet and Y/N rises from her bed right to her feet, not letting the book go so her fingers would have something to nibble on out of stress. “Loki,” she says, her surprise very apparent in her voice still. The god simply stands in her doorway as the door closes automatically, dressed in… Oh, he looks gorgeous. Loki wears a green linen shirt, his signature colour, similar to those from medieval times, wide sleeves and strings instead of buttons. He does wear dress pants, though, which look like part of a formal suit two-piece, “good evening.” 

“Good evening, my lady.” Loki greets back. 

“What brings you here?” Y/N asks and tries to adjust her pyjama shorts, suddenly realising how undressed she is compared to Loki. Her stripy, loose button up and pyjama shorts are not her best look. 

“Well, I—“ for a moment, Loki looks and acts like his regular self, seemingly about to burst out with a joke or a trick, his mannerisms tell her so. He glances at the corner of Y/N’s bed. “May I sit down?” He asks with innocent eyes. Y/N nods in response, gesturing for him to do so. He nods, sits down on her bed, his pose reserved and a bit stale. Y/N walks now to stand in front of him, but not too close. “I have come to tell you something.” 

Y/N has rarely seen Loki this… gentle, this… fragile, sort of. He does not look like himself, but then again there looks to be revealed more a lot more of him than usual. Purely looking at his face, Y/N wants to whimper ‘i love you’, and she almost does. But thank god for self-control. 

She crosses her arms over her chest out of habit. “I’m listening.” She says, a million positive and negative guesses going through her mind like a thousand volcanoes, making noise and chaos in there, most of all—permitting her to think clearly. 

“I beg you to take this—what I will say—kindly.” Loki says, a saddened expression on his face. “It scares me and tears me apart to say, but I must for my own and your sake.” He starts and takes a deep breath. Here comes ‘i can’t stand you’, ‘i hate you’, ‘i don’t like your company’. Y/N furrows her eyebrows and tries to shut those thoughts out. “I find you, Y/N, very attractive, beautiful, really, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. And not only physically.” Her breath catches in her throat. “You are grace, beauty and wisdom in one body. You are… You are an angel sent from the Gods above to this Earth…”

Seeing the look on Y/N’s face, the look of surprise and confusion and eyes on the brink of crying, Loki’s doubts on himself begin to take over.

“I should not have those feelings for you, it is wrong for me to think of you this way, to,” he gulps, “to want to cherish you day and night, to give you as much love as you give away and deserve in return, and much more; to lay you gently to sleep and give every goodnight to you, as well as see you every morning that I wake. It is wrong.” Loki shakes his head and looks at you, clearly ashamed to have exposed his heart and yearnings like this, to someone, and ashamed of their truth. 

Tears do gather in Y/N’s eyes and she unconsciously drops her book before rushing to stand before the god, carefully cradling his face between her hands. “Why do you think it’s wrong?” She whispers, scared, but searching his eyes for the answer. Loki’s pleasantly taken aback by her action. 

“Because… look at me. You know well who I am.” Loki starts explaining after looking into Y/N’s eyes. “You know what I’ve done, the people I’ve hurt, the way I am, I’m—I’m—I’m a monster.” Loki finishes and guiltily eyes the girl cradling his cold cheeks. She closes her eyes, tears squeezing past her lids, and shakes her head.

“You are no monster.” She whispers even quieter than before. She opens her eyes to press a kiss to Loki’s forehead, which freezes him. She’s in agony, because her greatest love is thinking of himself so low. Loki��s ready to disagree with her, but she speaks before him. “You are not.” She shakes her head again, looking into Loki’s eyes, begging him to listen and believe her, feeling it’s hard to do so. He’s been hurt and he’s been mislead, there’s no wonder he wouldn’t believe every person he speaks with. But with her, it might be different. 

Y/N puts her forehead against Loki’s. “You long for love, and appreciation, and I can relate to that deeply.” She tells him. “But I can also give you that what you desire.” She says and draws back to look into Loki’s eyes once again. He’s unsure, shown by his face, but willing at the same time. 

Loki locks his hand around her wrist, but gently. “Are you certain?” 

“Do not ask me if I’m certain. I have waited, it seems, my whole life, to give it all to you. And you only.” Y/N assures him. Her finger runs along the side of his face slowly, admiring the milky skin adorning his body. “Can I show you?”

“I’d love nothing less.” Loki says, agreeing to give himself to her freely. So she takes him, pushing Loki down on the soft covers and mattress of her bed and balancing herself on top of him. Her knees are on each side of his hips, pressing into the mattress as Y/N straightens her back above him.

Loki wants to keep this exact moment in his memory. She, with tears in her eyes, but with her beautiful hair falling around her face and shoulders, starts unbuttoning her striped shirt. Her face the most beautiful face, as always, and her eyes boring into him. Her crotch pressing into his lower stomach. Loki dares to moves his hands to her thighs, exploring the skin and flesh on her upper legs. Only groping them makes him more hungry and yearning for her.

Y/N doesn’t unbutton her shirt fully, she’s too impatient out of want to know how his lips feel, how he kisses, how his lips would move against hers. So she moves down to Loki, his face showing complete submission to her. Her hand caresses the edge of his hair at his forehead, then her fingers swipe against his cheek. These touches are already almos orgasmic to Loki, he leans into her touch like a kitten who hasn’t known home for long, and he mewls at her feather caresses.

Finally, her hand moves to the back of his neck, the fingertips just trace into the roots of his hair, she’s cradling his head. Their lips almost touch, and Loki can already feel them on his, just a few inches, and he’ll fall in love with her even more than he has already. The fatal kiss, he might call it. 

He leans up out of impatience, but she already presses down, and they meet each other halfway. Whatever Y/N had thought would be kissing him like, what it actually feels like is a hundred, thousand, million times better. It is far better than she has felt in her life. 

Loki’s mind goes numb. He never thought he could get this much satisfaction and pleasure from a mortal being. He never thought his expectations would be out-done. He thinks he’ll never feel anything that could out-do this in his long life. Now this kiss captures everything that they feel for each other intensely. All the love and lust, yearning and hunger, longing and reaching. All of it, in one kiss. How is that even possible? 

Love must be magic.

Instinctively, Loki’s hands grasp Y/N’s thighs harder, pulling her closer to him. But her rolling back into place creates a grind against the god’s slender body, which makes Loki moan and all the more impatient. He longs to feel every inch of her against him, around him, on him, it doesn’t matter. He just needs to feel her.

Y/N presses another kiss on Loki’s lips, and another, and another. When she doesn’t, her mouth open in a gasp, Loki chases her lips and connects them both again. Her hands move to untie the front of Loki’s shirt, but when that is not enough, she untucks the shirt from his pants and slides her hands under the green shirt. Her hands feel warm against his chest, and his skin to her feels a little colder than her own chest. 

The skin is smooth and a little slithery, Y/N cannot guess why. Does he use some special shower gel? Or was he born with skin like that? 

Loki’s fingers cautiously wander around her hips and waist, wanting to explore every inch of her body, to know it, to know it best of anyone. But Y/N feels impatient, teased by his touch, and she grabs his hands in her own, straightening up again. 

She moves his hands under her shirt now, both their actions mirrored, similar as they are both equally curious about the other. “You are not wrong to love me the way you do.” She assures him. “Touch me as you please, I have longed for your complete touch for the longest time.”

Loki would have cried out that he loves her more than anything, but he’s much too turned on to do so. She is sitting right above his growing-by-the-second arousal, causing them both teased pleasure and more arousal. Y/N lets his hands go, lets them wander on their own, feeling afterwards Loki’s touch on her waist, her back, her stomach. While she herself opens the top of his trousers and shrugs them down his legs carelessly, not interested in whether they are or are not completely off. She can only think about him.

His hands grip her back, pulling her down onto him. His next move is to get her pyjama shorts off, and he does so in a hurry. Once the garment is off, Loki grips the back of her head, Y/N’s hair bunching up and twisting under his fingers. Their lips interlock in an intense kiss, so intense, so full of emotion, that both involved shed tears. And the tears wet the other’s cheeks and lips, and they can taste the salt of the drops in each kiss they share.

Y/N thinks Loki’s fingers might dig holes into her back from the way he’s holding her. She pulls away from his lips and locks eyes with Loki again. “Make love to me.” She requests in a hushed whisper. Loki’s eyebrows raise for just a second, but he gets right on it, or rather, on her. 

Loki gently lays her down on her own bed and kisses her neck, her collarbones, his hands already back to her waist. Y/N lets her hands lay by her head, sighs leaving her lips in pleasure, her chest moving up and down in semi-hiccups. Loki’s hair tickles her chest as do his lips, but he decides he cannot watch her from above for any longer.

“I am at your mercy.” He tells her, returning them both to the position they were in previously. Loki’s head now resting against the headboard, looking at her from below again. He loves this much more. Y/N manages a smile, resting both her hands on Loki’s heaving, growing-hot chest. 

“I love you.” She whispers to him, and doing so, she tears up. Loki smiles at her, though a bit sadly, and makes her giggle as well. She takes the back of Loki’s neck again and pulls it towards herself, their foreheads once again pressed together. They pant, they cry and they laugh. It might sound insane, but they don’t much care. 

“I love you.” Loki responds, his eyes looking so sincerely and strongly into hers. Y/N looks over what she sees of Loki an she smiles wide again, disbelief adorning her eyes. She cannot phatom the place and situation she’s in, she cannot phatom the person she’s with most of all. She whispers her love to him over and over, panting breaths interrupting her words, as well as her own kisses on Loki’s lips and cheeks. She pulls him closer to herself, whether it be possible or not, by the back of his neck, gripping his muscles under her delicate touch. 

Loki gives her kisses back, very heated kisses, that each leave her running after fresh breath. Neither of them can wait no longer, and so Loki helps her get her underwear off and Y/N takes his length to line up with her entrance. Her face twists and she draws in a gasp of very high pitch when the tip is teasing her walls, Loki can’t deny his own sensitivity to the feeling. She feels so warm, she feels so silky, and she’ll be around him—

She takes over and pushes him whole inside of her, immediately awakening sounds and feelings in them both they didn’t know they could muster. Both of them freeze, mouths agape and eyes shut tight, their hands interlocked so tightly they might break each other’s bones. 

“Gods, darling…” Loki sighs, speaking finally. She might have thought he went dead for the moment he tried to comprehend he’s really feeling this, he’s really buried himself inside of her, he’s really having this moment with her. Not any other guy or man, him, Loki. 

Y/N shudders. With this first thrust already she can feel him near her spot. His size is incredible, and he’s quite thick. Though a little stretching and stinging at that, there’s pleasure much more than any pain. “C-Can I move?” She asks, opening her eyes to look on Loki. He nods, massaging her hand with his thumb over, readying them both for what’s to come.

She moves upwards, though lazily, and moans at the feeling of him reeling against her walls. She sinks down as deep as she can and lifts herself up again, now pressing their intertwined hands against Loki’s bare chest for support. He lets go of her hands and instead returns them to her waist. Going up and down on him, his hands were extra support. Because, honestly, she’s in such a trance from the feeling that she can barely make herself move. 

Her hands move to his shoulders for even more support and her chest leans towards his, as much rythmically as her hip movements do. Soon enough he thrusts his hips to meet hers, and from then on their movements increase in speed. There is not enough air in the world for them to catch, there is never enough sound for them to show their satisfaction through. Mostly, there is not enough of each other they can get.

Loki pulls her down to himself merely to kiss her, feeling himself nearing the edge. His hand grips her face just right and Y/N clenches around him. It makes Loki accidentally bite down on her lip. She gasps and, oh, oh—she’s coming. She’s coming, and her nails dig into the flesh of his shoulders. She is certain she now knows what drugs feel like. But this is certainly better than any drug. Because it’s love, and it’s passion, and it’s wonderful…

“Tell me you’re close,” she begs Loki, mid-orgasm.

“I am,” he confirms, “I love you.” He tells her again, reminding her and himself. He reminds himself because, for the first time in his life, his love and yearning to give his love, has been fulfilled. And returned. And he’s got to keep that in mind. Loki’s eyes look begging, almost praying to her, praying for her love.

He looks into her eyes when they both come, surprisingly in unison, but their eye contact is scarce mostly, her eyes are shut tight. She sings tunes of ecstasy, still barely moving on his length, as best she can. Loki fills her ears with growls and moans he’s finally not afraid to let out. 

When she looks at him and nods ever so subtly, he understands with it that she’s done and he can pull out. So he does, slowly, making her mewl out of sensitivity. She feels a little sore, but it’s an ache she excuses because of who has made her so. She looks at him.

He helps her steady herself on top of him, her nakedness sitting on his stomach. They both do their best at getting their breath back, and as Y/N regains herself, she nears her face down to Loki’s. Their eyes lock. Loki puts his hands on both her cheeks. They share a gentle kiss and lay silently for a few moments, simply looking at each other and marveling in the wonder of one another.

“I never expected someone as delicate and gentle,” Loki admits in a soft whisper, “to love me.” His hand softly moves to caress her hair. She tilts her head. 

“But you’re so…” she whispers herself, then unable to finish her thought and sentence, “you are so…” she struggles still. Loki smiles, even daring to chuckle. She looks at him, more disrupted by his laugh, but a small smile playing on her lips anyway, “you are so everything.” She finally says. “Everything I could ever want.”

“What about what you need?” Loki asks, his hand reaching for hers. She laughs, shaking her head.

“I don’t care about what I need as long as I know that my wants are equal to my needs.” She assures. Loki frowns.

“You needn’t throw yourself away for me, love.” 

Y/N leans closer to him. “I have already done that.” She says and gives his cheek a kiss. “I’ll do that and more for you. And not just because you’re handsome, and not just because of you.” She starts to say and Loki raises his eyebrows, curious. “I knew at some point you’d be the one I love, and I’ve waited my whole life for someone I could love, someone I could give everything to.” She leans back up. “And I feel I’ve been made to love, you know, to love another or many. I guess you came along at the right moment. And even while I doubted you ever returning these feelings, even when I was convinced you didn’t feel the same, convinced you hated me. Loving you was enough for me.”

She looks back at him from looking around the whole time and finds Loki with tears in his eyes. “Sorry.” She says. “That just… came out.”

“Do not be sorry.” Loki shakes his head. “That was very beautiful, I think, because it’s the truth and it’s from you. Your heart’s ways are beautiful.” Y/N blushes at his words. Loki’s head then hangs a bit lower. “I was never sure I could be some who you could love. I’m me, and I may call myself a big chaos. I am not easy to love, so you’ve done a great job.”

“Why do you think so?” Y/N asks, now moving to lay in between Loki’s legs, her chin on his chest. Loki raises his eyebrows. “That you’re hard to love.”

“I have done terrible things, my darling… And I’ve lied. A lot.” Loki nods for effect. “And well, I’m the God of Mischief.” They both laugh. Of course he had to mention that, his arrogance does spring out. “So I doubt anyone could trust me.”

“Don’t tell me you’re no good for me.” 

“Took my words, sweet girl.”

“Loki, I love you.” Y/N looks strongly into his eyes. “And we are good for each other.” She says in an angelic voice. “I know you disagree, but I can learn from you.”

“What exactly, darling, lying? Tricks?” Loki suggests with a sly grin.

Y/N laughs. “No.” She says then. “You’ll see.” Y/N rests the side of her face against Loki’s chest, also listening to his heartbeat. She wraps her arms around his torso and Loki’s hands go to hold her arms, almost protectively. Almost as if she’d disappear if he doesn’t hold onto her. “How much time will it take for you to realise your worth?”

____

Bonus material!

Before falling asleep the night before, Loki and Y/N agreed to making sandwhiches together, more so, Y/N teaching him how to actually make those. He complimented her skill and liking for sandwhiches, Y/N had blushed. So here they were, in their pajamas and in the Stark Tower’s kitchen, cutting lettice and ham and cheese all sorts that Loki’d wish to see in a sandwhich. Some combinations seemed strange to Y/N, but she trusted his taste and decided she wouldn’t try those exact ones.

“No, no, stop!” She scolds in a shushed whisper, with a smile playing on her lips. “Those are too narrow. Salad needs to be big, you know, with volume. Great size!” She decoratively growls at the last two words.

“Like myself.” Loki says and chuckles.

“Yes, mister, thank you for reminding me verbally. This time.” Y/N replies and returns to cutting cheese.

“I think that’s the first time I’ve heard him laugh not-maliciously.” Tony Stark declares in a whisper and takes more nuts from his snack bag. Steve Rogers takes some from the same bag before receiving a slap from Tony for it. 

“Never thought the out-come would be like this.” Steve admits. Both their eyes are hazy while watching Y/N and the god work around in the kitchen. They’re standing in the hallway right where the shadow starts from the kitchen light so the lovers wouldn’t notice them. They won’t be there for a long time, anyway. 

“Who are we watching?” Bucky Barnes asks when he comes up behind them with Natasha, and both grown men squeal in terror from the surprise, Tony dropping his snack bag. Bucky and Natasha burst into uncontrollable laughter while trying to pull the two team leaders further into the hallway to not get noticed. Well, with screams like little girls, that’s a little late.

Loki and Y/N look over their shoulders, spooked from the sound they heard but upon not hearing or seeing anything that could explain it—the former russian assassins did a great job of getting Steve and Tony away—they look at each other and shrug. Then they simply continue their culinary workshop in each other’s company. 

A/N: I really wanna hold Loki like that :/

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[proxylynn]

UNDERFELL: FILE NAME NOT EDGY ENOUGH part #5

Chapter 5: Mercy WARNING: I WANT NO RESPONSIBILITY OVER SPOILING THINGS FOR OTHERS. THAT BEING SAID, THIS IS HOW FILE NAME NOT FOUND WOULD FUNCTION IN THE AU OF UNDERFELL. BEFORE YOU READ THIS, UNLIKE THE NICE TIME OF UNDERTALE, THIS WORLD IS KILL OR BE KILLED. THIS STORY WILL BE GRAPHIC, GORY, USE SWEARS LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS, AND DEAL WITH SENSITIVE SUBJECT MATTERS. FOR EXAMPLE, THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE READ THE FILE NAME RELOCATED SPOOF WILL KNOW HOW I PICTURE THIS VERSION OF LYNSIE COMING TO THE UNDERGROUND. IT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING DUMB. IT IS BECAUSE SHE CHOOSES TO END HER LIFE. SO TAKE THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT. I MADE IT BECAUSE I NEEDED TO LET SOME OF THIS EDGINESS OUT OF MYSELF. WHICH I GUESS MAKES UNDERFELL LYNSIE EVEN MORE TRUE TO WHO I REALLY AM. ANYWAY, ENJOY. ^_^ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Time passes here in the Underground with no notice. I'm not sure what is a day or night from down here. Though my iPod has a watch function, I'm not sure if I'm able to trust it after drying it out. There's no internet signal for it to sync up with, so I don't know if the time it tells me if what it really is or just the continuation from when it got waterlogged. I'm just grateful it still works. Would've hated to lose all my tunes. Does suck I can't get a radio signal either, but you win some and lose some sometimes. Flowey has been helpful in adjusting to how things work down here. He's a real treasure trove of things. He tells me ways of improving my stats because apparently, I'm super weak by monster standards. Every being, humans, and monster, has a set of basic stats. HP. ATK. DEF. LV. EXP. HP is the level of Endurance that determines the damage a person can take before dying. My maximum HP is at 20 and, what Flowey tells me, will only increase when my LV does. Resting will fully heal and raise HP 10 points above its maximum amount. HP can also be restored through consumable items like food and drinks. An attack hitting the receiving party lowers their HP. The loss is dependent on the attacking party's ATK and that of the receipt's DEF. Upon reaching 0 HP, that's it, you die. It doesn't matter if you're human or monster. There's no coming back when your number is up. ATK determines the damage output of the attacking party. My base ATK is 10 and, like with the HP, can also increase with LV. But that's not the only way. Equipping a weapon can raise ATK, as well as certain ACTs or consumables but that's only a temporary thing. When ATK is high enough, one can spare an opponent without needing to use the ACT button. This rule is true even of monsters that have a non-traditional sparing method. DEF determines the damage input for the defending party. My base DEF is 10, and again, can increase with LV or equipping armor type items such as the ribbon in my hair. Just like with ATK, can be changed temporarily with certain ACTs or consumables. DEF is subtracted from the damage output of the attacking party. However, it cannot lower the taken damage to a value less than 1. LV increases HP, ATK, and DEF when it rises. All humans and monsters start at LV 1 and can raise it as high as 20 or so Flowey assumes, he's unsure if it can exceed this amount or not. And of course, EXP is gained by killing. When you accumulate enough EXP, your LV increases. So in a way, it is like experience points...for murder. However, there are other stats that one doesn't outright see when in the midst of a fight. INV is for Invulnerability. This determines the number of moments an attack cannot hurt the victim after they receive a hit. It is a hidden stat that apparently can only increase through certain Armor items. SPEED, as the name implies, determines the velocity someone can move at while in a fight. It is a hidden stat that can temporarily increase with certain ACTs and consumables. Lastly, the creepiest one of them all...MDR, or better known as Murder Level. It is an entirely internal statistic that tracks the progress of death when someone kills. This stat begins at 0 because no one can knowingly kill at birth. So in that aspect, it shares a similar trait with LV. Knowing this, I now have some tough choices to make. I still don't intend to kill, so that means I'll gain no EXP and my LV will remain at 1, thus I'll remain weak compared to everyone else. Nothing but LV will increase my HP and that sucks big time. So this means I'll need to increase my DEF so that the damage I do take isn't as strong as it should be. I'll need to find these Armor items or in the very least train my ass off to increase my SPEED. Because you can't hit what can't be caught. Toriel has also been one I try to learn from, all be it with caution. I tend to go about this like child since she sees me as one. I go to her bookcase, select a book, read it, then pretend to not understand so she'll read it to me, and then ask her about it while also sliding in other off-topic questions along the lines of things I do want to know. Of course, I do mix this tactic up every now and again. Otherwise, it would become too obvious what I'm doing. When not trying to prob her mind, I get a feel for Toriel as a person. And yes, I know that came out dirtier than intended, but fuck you for thinking about it. Toriel is a, for lack of better words, a decent cook. When it comes to sweets, she's epic. Other things, not so much. Also, she has this unusual appetite for eating slugs or snails if she can't find any slugs. While she doesn't try to shove them down my throat, watching her eat them makes my stomach twist to the point it gets hard to eat. Toriel is rather intelligent when not touched with moments of madness. This side of her actually backfired on me. Believing my inquisitiveness to be a cry out for teaching, she now schools me with a curriculum she's had prepared for just such a reason. There is a good thing to this though, as it imbues Toriel with more trust in me. This trusting faith allows me to venture around without her needing to watch over me or allow me a certain distance away past the big tree. But you might be wondering how she keeps tabs on me if she can't visibly see me. Simple...She gave me a cell phone. It's a really old thing that probably fell down here, it's clearly seen better days as the body and tiny screen are cracked, but it still works. I've also taken it upon myself to give her a nickname, Nanny. Get it? Because nanny is another way of saying female goat. No? At least she thinks it's funny. But yeah, now my days are amuck with class time with teacher Toriel and workout training with Flowey. The training is both worth it and yet not really. On the plus side, my stats do increase. The negative side, the rate at which my stats increase is bullshit. In the amount of time of what feels like a week, my base stats of HP 20, ATK 10, and DEF 10 increase by a total of 6 points. HP 24, ATK 12, and DEF 10. Flowey does tell me that DEF will increase over time, but at a much slower rate than the other two. He estimates along the line of about four weeks of training will equal enough effort to better my DEF. So think about that for a second. Four weeks to get a single point on my DEF stat while HP and ATK keep increasing? I know right? You'd think they'd be more evenly gained. But no! Argh...There's gotta be a better way that won't take so long. Maybe if I work out a bit before bed, add in some extra hours by cutting down on other things? Fuck it! Math was never my forte. Today I feel lazy. I don't feel like doing anything. But sleeping all day wouldn't be a thing I could do because Flowey would bitch at me and then Toriel would nag me. So I stare aimlessly in thought into the fireplace. More freaky shit's been popping up in my life. There's the voice that whispers in my ear at random with even more random things to say. Like, I walked out of the bathroom the other day and stopped to check myself in the hallway's mirror. No more than a couple seconds in did that voice chime in. {It's you!} Freaked me out a bit. Now when I go near it, it says something else. {Still you, Lynsie.} Cocky little shit. If I ever see what is making that voice, I'm gonna beat some manners into it. I know it's not Napstablook at least. After some time, the ghost was willing to come see me again. Had to apologize out the ass for making him so uncomfortable last time. Though he's not without his moments for making me uncomfortable either. Often times I can't get to sleep due to my random insomnia and I'll find him watching me from across the room. He plays it off as he's only doing what I asked, for him to watch over me, but I really should've been more specific. Because the creepy part is not knowing for how long he watches or where he watches me at. I mean, I like the guy, but I really don't need to think a ghost is watching me shower. I just don't. At least Blook-man isn't a jerk like the weirdo that sometimes pops up in my dreams. That creepy voice is beginning to sound more clear the more I dream about it. I haven't seen where or what makes this voice, but the clearer it gets, the more this dude sounds like he's got a big stick up his annoyed ass. Yet I know the inevitable is coming. Soon I'll end up seeing who this condescending creep is. I dread that moment. My dreams are not under my control anymore. This voice is forcing me to interact with it and that makes my blood run cold. I can't control my subconscious. I can't stop these moments from happening. I can't do anything! I'm not in control anymore! What is ̡hap̴pe͞ning ̨t͘ò m̵e͝?͏!̷ "My child? Is everything all right?" Toriel's been sitting in her chair and reading for a couple hours now. Flowey's taking a nap in our room. "I'm fine, Nanny." "Are you sure? You've been awfully silent for a long time." "I'm fine, Nanny." She frowns as I try to clear my head of all this madness. "Um, I want you to know how glad I am to have you here. There are so many old books I want to share. I want to show you my favorite bug-hunting spot." I don't say anything. I just keep my eyes on the dancing flames. "Want to know what I have been reading?" I shrug. "It's called 'Beyond The Slime: Snails, Slugs, and other Gastropods'. How about it? Would you like me to tell you bits of it?" "If you want to, go ahead." "All right, here's an exciting snail fact. Did you know that snails...Talk. Really. Slowly?" Not as interesting as you think Toriel. Wait...they can talk? "Just kidding, snails don't talk. Interesting yes?" And just like that, I'm bored. Her jokes are usually more entertaining than this. "Snails are distinguished by an anatomical process known as torsion, where the visceral mass of the animal rotates 180° to one side during development, such that the anus is situated more or less above the head. This process is unrelated to the coiling of the shell, which is a separate phenomenon. Torsion is present in all gastropods, but the opisthobranch gastropods are secondarily de-torted to various degrees. Torsion occurs in two stages. The first, mechanistic stage, is muscular, and the second is mutagenetic. The effects of torsion are primarily physiological - the organism develops an asymmetrical growth, with the majority occurring on the left side. This leads to the loss of right-paired appendages (e.g., ctenidia (comb-like respiratory apparatus), gonads, nephridia, etc.). Furthermore, the anus becomes redirected to the same space as the head. This is speculated to have some evolutionary function, as prior to torsion, when retracting into the shell, first the posterior end would get pulled in, and then the anterior. Now, the front can be retracted more easily, perhaps suggesting a defensive purpose. However, this 'rotation hypothesis' is being challenged by the 'asymmetry hypothesis' in which the gastropod mantle cavity originated from one side only of a bilateral set of mantle cavities." Huh...I guess that's kind of neat. "Gastropods typically have a well-defined head with two or four sensory tentacles with eyes, and a ventral foot, which gives them their name (Greek gaster, stomach, and poda, feet). The foremost division of the foot is called the propodium. Its function is to push away sediment as the snail crawls. The larval shell of a gastropod is called a protoconch. The principal characteristic of the Gastropoda is the asymmetry of their principal organs. The essential feature of this asymmetry is that the anus generally lies to one side of the median plane.; The ctenidium (gill-combs), the osphradium (olfactory organs), the hypobranchial gland (or pallial mucous gland), and the auricle of the heart are single or at least are more developed on one side of the body than the other ; Furthermore, there is only one genital orifice, which lies on the same side of the body as the anus." I snicker a tiny bit at the mentioning of anus...I'm such a child. At least that perks her up a bit. "Okay, how about this? Courtship is a part of mating behavior in some gastropods, including some of the Helicidae. Again, in some land snails, an unusual feature of the reproductive system of gastropods is the presence and utilization of love darts. In many marine gastropods other than the opisthobranchs, there are separate sexes; most land gastropods, however, are hermaphrodites." "That's due to the odds of them finding a normal member of the opposite sex would be impossible because of how slow they are. So it's not uncommon that they have both sets of genitalia. The funny part is, when two meet up to have relations, they wrestle each other for dominance. The winning partner gets to be the male and the loser becomes the female." "...Have you been reading this without me?" "I watched a lot of TV growing up. It practically raised me." She puts the book down. "Child, come here." I sigh and roll myself near her, being super lazy about this. She pulls me up when I'm close to her chair and sits me on her lap. "Is something the matter? You are not as cheerful as you normally are." "I don't know." "Do you want to talk about it?" Not really, but I'll humor you a little, Toriel. "Nanny...Ya ever have one of those days where you don't even feel like getting out of bed? One of those days when so much is on your mind that it cripples you to the point of wondering why am I even bothering to get up today?" This strikes a nerve with her and she puts me down. "Come. Follow me for a moment." I'm confused but go along with it. She gets up and I follow her out the door. We walk out past the old tree and make a left down a small hall, encountering a single Froggit that flees in terror the moment it sees Toriel. I feel for ya little froggy dude. Entering a doorway leads us to an overlook of what I can only describe as an abandoned city. "Whoa..." "This is where we monsters lived when we first came to the Underground." "You're using past-tense wording. What happened?" "As ages passed, monsters changed and thrived with the blessing of children. Fearing the humans no longer, we moved out of the old city we called HOME. We braved harsh cold, damp swampland, and searing heat...Until we reached what we now call our capital...NEW HOME. Though the ones that choose to stay here, still live in their homes like time never passed. Only now, the streets are empty. The sounds of life are dull. I brought you here because this is a place where I come to relive days long ago and release such negative feelings. I pray it can do the same for you, child." Whoever is naming things around here is not very creative. It's still cute, but not creative. "So...This is your venting spot?" "More or less." "Not sure I can while you're here. Or how I'd even start." "That is fine. I merely wanted to show you that there is always something you can do when those bad moments happen." I smile softly. "Thanks, Nanny." We look out at the city, different thoughts in our heads. Though something she brought up tickles my curiosity. "So...There's more to the Underground than just the Ruins?" She flinches and grips the lookout's ledge a little bit. "...Yes. B-But it is much too dangerous for you out there. The monsters out there are not like the ones in here. They...They do not fight fair. You will not last long if you leave." Oh shit, did I trigger her? Quick you fool! Fix it! "I never said I was leaving. Why would I? I doubt anyone out there is as cool as you are." That settles her down for now. Better switch the subject anyway to be sure. "Is there anything else you want to know?" "Well, I did have one more thing that's been bugging me a little." "And what's that?" "So I've noticed I've been eating a lot and yet needing to go to the toilet less. I'm I dying or something?" She blushes before laughing. "*giggles* Heavens no, child. You're not dying." "And just like that, I feel like the world's biggest dumbass." "Let me see, how do I put this?" She takes a moment to think. "Well, we monsters use magic to make our foods and drinks. While still being physical enough to consume, it doesn't remain as such once in the body. Once consumed, the magic begins to dissipate as if it never existed. It still gives the body the nourishment and all other needs it requires, but since there's no mass to the magic, there's very little to pass out the body. So that may be why you're noticing less usage." "Huh. And if I ate human foods?" "Hard to say. No one knows if human foods would reverse this effect. Mainly because such foods are not available down here." "Nanny..." "Yes?" "Magic is cool." She snickers. "Nanny..." "Yes?" "I want to let you know I'm grateful for you taking Flowey and me in. A total stranger, and a human no less. I know it's against the law for you to be doing so...but...Thank you for caring." This seems to strike a chord within her. "C-Child...Do you really mean that?" "I do." She catches me by surprise with a sudden bear hug. "Thank you. Thank you so much." My first instinct is to return this affection to her, which I do. But my heart just isn't into it. The shadows in my mind begin to whisper things. Look at this, a stranger loves you more than your own family. How long has it been now and still no sign of any search party? Face it, they never loved you. You were a waste of life that took up space in that house. No one cares about you. Not even death wants a freak like you. "Child? You're trembling. Is everything all right?" I bite my tongue hard. If I open my mouth now, nothing good will come out. But Toriel is persistent and it doesn't help that my grip on her is clenching harshly. "Child, please. Just speak to me. Tell me what's wrong." I can't hold this anymore. I shove away from her to face the city and let it out. "I hate you! I hate all of you! You fucking pieces of shit! Why?! Why is it so hard for any of you to care?! I've been missing for days or weeks and none of you care! *sobs* Did you ever love me?! Why did you even bother having me if you don't even care that I'm gone?! *bawling* Why? Why? Someone tell me why...please..." I break down, crumbling right there to cry on my knees like a helpless babe. Toriel is shocked by my outburst. Her instincts unsure if she should let me cry this out or come over with comforting motherly tenderness. She picks a different option. "I know this isn't the most pleasant of times to ask...But since we've come to know more about each other, I have been curious about something." I can hardly look at her. "The humans that fall down here...They tend to not fall down for the happiest of reasons. If it is not too painful...Can you share with me your reason? What made you come to a cursed mountain where none ever return from?" My eyes sting, I can't keep them open for very long. "*hard sniffling* They used to care. I used to know what it was like to know others cared. I can't remember when they started to pull away. When I became invisible. I just want to know why. Was it something I did? Did I do something wrong? Did I not make them proud? I thought I did everything right. I was a good girl. *voice cracking* I'm a good girl. Aren't I?" I can't see it due to the tears blinding me, but I can hear it. Toriel is crying. No sound leaves her past her lips but I can hear the droplets fall to the floor. "Oh, my...You poor thing..." I feel her hug me from behind. "I do not know the life you have lived. I do not hold the answers you seek. But what I can tell you is this. You are a good girl. If you were my daughter, I'd always let you know I care for you." "*sniffles* Y-You...You would?" She rests her head on mine and I stiffen with tension. "I would. A mother should care for her children and never let them feel such sadness." Well, in the Ruins of the Underground they say, that the human's small heart grew three sizes that day. "How do you feel now, my child?" "...Meh."' "Any better at all?" "...A little. But I'm trying to be cool about it so you don't think I'm so pitiful." "My child, you are not pitiful. It takes great strength to admit such hurt." "If you say so." Her hold on my grows stronger. My sourness is something she doesn't like. It makes her have an idea. "Child...Would that make you happy? To call me... 'Mother'?" I feel my heart breaking. "Are you...Are you being serious right now? Because if you're toying with me...!" "Lynsie..." I think that's the first time she's used my name since being together. "I mean it. I know I am not your real mother. But I can be a real mother to you. If you allow me to. Now, what say you to this silly old woman?" I'm so close to weeping again it ain't funny. "You're...*soft sigh* Heh...You really are something else...Mom." She looks at me surprised, but smiles and nuzzles the top of my head. I feel like such a little kid right now. I can tell this made her happier than it made me. But I guess in time I'll work out these family issues I have and I'll be able to thank her for it. We sit there for a while, her just holding me and me just trying to return to my usual composure. Then she stands up. "My child...Would you like to help me with lunch?" I remain seated but look up at her. This is unreal. She's unreal. No way in hell that any human on earth even comes close to her. I owe her. "Know what? Let's flip the script. I'll make lunch. You do enough as it is." Her eyes sparkle till she notices I'm not getting up. "Are you not coming?" "In a moment..." I look back at the city. "I just need one more minute." She holds a breath, resisting the urge to smother me and drag my sorry ass home. But the trust we've made has gotten to that level where she knows such actions aren't necessary. "Very well...I will be waiting at home. The flower is probably worried sick." I chuckle at that and listen to the sound of her steps leave the area. Once things go quiet, I stand up and take a couple of deep breaths before I let out on last bit of venting. "*loud aggressive roar*!" While very relief inducing, such a harsh forced sound fucks up my throat and I cough like a chain smoker. "*coughs* W-Worth it...*gasp* So worth it." Turning on my heel, I'm about to leave till something wedged into the corner of the overlook. Upon closer inspection, it ends up being a hand grip. So I yank on it. It refuses to cooperate till I really give it a hard yank and pull this metaphorical sword from the literal stone. Turns out, it's toy weapon. Neat. "Huh...Okay? Weird, but mine now." [You equipped the Fake Knife.] [You gain 3 Attack.] "Really? That's the same increase as the ribbon. Wonder if they're a set?" [Made of plastic and not very good for killing. A rarity nowadays.] "Heh...Good thing I don't aim to kill. It's perfect." [CHECK selected.] [You now have HP 24, ATK 15, and DEF 13.] I slip the dagger into my lower side pocket with a smile and make merry way back home. When I get there, Toriel is making sure Flowey's soil is fresh before watering him. I end up making a bunch of grilled cheese sandwiches with slices of tomato between the cheese slices, at least on half of them. Though I do have to wonder where this food comes from, but she did say it's magic made, so who knows. The rest of the day is pretty chill. Toriel and I hang out some more before I spend the rest of the evening with Flowey. Since I apparently slacked off, he decides to cram some extra FIGHT knowledge into my messed up noggin and then gives me a rapid-fire pop quiz about it all. Aside from the normal Bullet Hell that I'm used to dealing with, there are seven different colored magic that can alter the attack to either hurt more or hurt less. White attacks are the most basic form of attack monsters can do. And if it hits you it will only do normal damage. The only way to counter white attacks is by dodging them. Gray attacks deal no damage and are used when the monster is unsure how to respond in their turn. More or less, it's like their way of skipping their turn. Red attacks do not deal damage but are used to warn of upcoming attacks. The warning can take on several forms, such as an attack itself flashing red, a simple red outline bordering the area of the attack, or a red rectangle with an exclamation point in the center and a flashing sound effect. Green attacks heal damage by varying amounts depending on the will of the attacking monster, the progress of battle in some way, or both. Light blue attacks, also known as just blue attacks, do not deal damage so long as you remain completely still. Orange Attacks do not deal damage so long as you remain moving. And purple attacks apply a 'poison' effect that gets worse the more you're hit till your HP is drained. Yet he tells me to take the purple attack with a grain of salt as he isn't sure it really exists outside of rumors. This is what Toriel meant when she said the monsters outside the Ruins are too dangerous and don't fight fair. If an LV level 1 monster like Napstablook can kick my ass to 1 HP, I don't think I stand a ghost of a chance against harder monsters. I need to do more training. [Time Skip] Life as the adopted daughter of a monster is something I never thought I'd be when I grew up, but it's something I have come to really enjoy. Toriel's been true to her word. She shows her care for me every day in small ways. She did do it in a big way once but I told her wasn't necessary. That and I felt bad we couldn't eat the whole cake before it spoiled. Toriel has gotten a bit more intense sometimes. I'm sure it has nothing to do with Napstablook randomly popping in and out of my room without asking her for permission. Can't be that...Sarcasm. Speaking of her, my time with Toriel has been most enlightening. Aside from the normal schooling, she also has taught me much about the history of the Underground. Or as much as she's willing to tell me, she isn't too detailed on somethings, makes me curious as to why. But what she, Flowey, and Napstablook all confirm with me is this. The King of the Monsters, Lord Asgore, has called a war on humanity once again. So if freedom were ever attained with the breaking of the barrier, then they wouldn't leave this place peacefully. Blood would be spilled, thick enough to swim in as they hear the lamentations of their conquered foes. This is not so far off from happening either. The King so far has in his possession six human souls and only one more is needed to break the barrier completely. When I bring such topics up in conversation, Toriel is always upset. Badmouthing Asgore and then running off to let out some steam either at the overlook or in the basement. I can tell she fears me falling into his grasp. She fears to lose yet another child. That's another thing she's taught me. While it is the law that humans at to be killed and their souls harvested for the freedom of monster kind, she never supported this. She's tried to keep the other six before me from leaving the Ruins, but they all left her anyway. The dumbasses. Why leave this poor wonderful woman? But humans are not the only loss she's had. I know the look of greater hurt when I see it. She's suffered heavy loss. I dare not ask her about such pain. It is not my place to speak of. All this pain Toriel has been through, she is covering her hurt with a happy Jekyll and crazy Hyde complex. She has yet to move on to the final stage of grief...Acceptance. Another thing she has begun to teach me is the basic use of magic, mostly SOUL magic as it's the simplest form and a good base for beginners as she put it. Not that I can complain, I mean, I'm learning freaking magic! Flowey is first apprehensive about this. Mentioning something along the lines of I have a freaky soul as it is and shouldn't mess with it. But I counter this with, well if my soul is so fucked up then wouldn't it be best to train it so that it isn't a problem? Needless to say, I won that argument, yet I also find out what Flowey meant by me having a weird soul. It seems that my soul is able to change color depending on what emotion I feel the strongest at the time and each color has its own power associated with it or trait as they're called. She only knows of a few colors due to the humans that fell before me and my soul during our magic training sessions tends to stick to being a light blue color. But of course, Flowey fills me in on the other ones I haven't seen. When the SOUL is red, it seems like any normal soul and behaves normally. It does get a slight boost in power and added precision when it comes to making quick moments. This power is associated with the emotion of Determination. When blue, the SOUL is affected by gravity. This allows one to move beyond the Earth's normal gravity, like being able to jump as if on the moon. This power is associated with the emotion of Integrity. When green, the SOUL it can produce a kind of shield but at the cost of being unable to move. While in this state, one can only dodge in a stationary way or block the incoming attacks. This power is associated with the emotion of Kindness. When purple, the SOUL is focused and can only allow movement to the left and right from where one is standing. It's a very intimidating soul to most as it gives you a handicap and makes you look skilled if used correctly. This power is associated with the emotion of Perseverance. When Yellow, the SOUL is filled with magic power and is flipped upside down like a monster's SOUL, so the heart's point is directed toward the foe. In this state, the soul grants the ability to shoot a projectile that can destroy certain oncoming projectile attacks. This power is associated with the emotion of Justice. When the SOUL is light blue it will appear to make you weaker and slow down movements. But this is a ruse as the SOUL is storing energy from not moving around so much. This allows for stronger block and defensive counters the more power is stored. This power is associated with the emotion of Patience. And lastly, when the SOUL is it will appear to make you stronger and increase movements. This SOUL will also store energy but only while the user is moving around. This allows for stronger attacks and parrying counters the more power is stored. This power is associated with the emotion of Bravery. There is a catch to all this too, as some monsters are able to force such SOUL MODES onto humans and render the human unable to break free from such control till the fight ends. All this, Monsters and Magic, it's become my new normalcy. And looking back on how I was living before, I can honestly say I don't miss the surface at all. This is the life I've always wanted. A life in which the world isn't trying so hard to crush your hopes and dreams. A life where I know what love is. A life where one can truly live when not being threatened with death. But this doesn't stop my curiosity. The one thing I can't get her to talk about is the staircase to the basement that she herself often sneaks away to. Whenever I even hint at it she tells me to ignore it and don't go down there as it's not safe. "No good will come if you venture down there." Out of respect, I do as she says. I would never dare disobey her and yet I feel something trying to draw me down there. Maybe it's the little things like how she's able to go down there and I'm not. Maybe it's because I can sometimes barely hear her talking to either herself or someone else. Whatever the reason is, it's driving me crazy! Each passing day I find myself closer and closer than the last time I've done this. Just testing how far down I can go before Toriel notices. But the more I do this, the more I think she's catching on. Her steps get quicker and I have to be careful not to make a sound when I rush back up the steps. This has become a routine every time she heads down there. She goes down there. I follow up to a point. I stop in an odd pause for a couple minutes until I hear something. Then leave in a hurry This is insanity! Why do I keep doing this and how do I make it stop?! Today is no different, with the exception of Flowey joining in on my madness. After the lessons, schooling, and my workout training, I hold his pot while gazing over the edge of the banister. I don't know where Toriel is. Either she's down there or making her rounds in case another human falls. Not likely that'll happen. But not knowing her location has me weary on being bold enough to go down there. "So...This is the dangerous thing you told me about?" "Yep." "And you never go down there?" "I do...But not very far. I don't want Toriel to freak out if she sees me." "You do know she'll totally lose it if she ever finds out you do this, right?" "I know." "Then why do you do it?" "I don't know." He's confused. "What do you mean, you don't know?" "Don't act like you didn't understand. I said I don't know why I do this because I really don't know why I do this! If it's not one thing like the fucked up dreams, then it's the voices in or out of my head that nobody else hears. And if it's not the voices, then it's this freaky feeling to go down there. So do forgive me, oh all too perfect flower, for I am flawed and often don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do!" He flinches at my snap and looks away in shame, making me feel like shit. "*sigh* I'm sorry. I'm just...really stressed out. Between all the training, my emotional baggage, and weird shit that I can't even tell if it is really happening or not..." I hang my head. "I...I need a break before I end up broken." "Hey..." Flowey rubs my hands comfortingly. "Just relax. It's going to be okay. I didn't know you were going through so much." "You should know by now I don't talk about my feelings and other junk. My burdens shouldn't have to bug anyone else." "If it helps...I know what's down there." "...What?" "There's nothing down there. It just leads to the door that heads out to the rest of the Underground. She keeps it shut. Not wanting others to leave and end up killed." "...So that's it? A door?" "Yep." "But...That can't be all there is." "What do you mean?" "She talks to someone down there." "Huh? Are you sure you weren't hearing things?" I glare harshly. "I know the voices I hear. There might be a lot of them, but I know them all. And she talks to someone I don't know." "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to take it the wrong way." "We're going down there." "Wait, what?!" I head to go downstairs but Flowey blocks the entryway with vines. "Are you out of your mind?! What if Toriel finds out?!" "At this point, I don't care anymore. Nothing makes sense. So why would she react the way we think she will?" "Do you hear yourself? This will, without a doubt, make Toriel snap!" "And how would you know?" "Because I..." "what are you doing?" We both freak out at the sudden utterance of Napstablook, me more than Flowey. So much so that I drop Flowey, not that it matters as he's gripping the railing with his vines, and I take a tumble down the first part of the stairway down. "Holy crap! Are you okay?" "*groan* I fucking hate stairs..." "oh, shit...I-I-I didn't mean to..." I pick myself up shakily. "Nah, dude, you're okay. It'll take more than a little trip to hurt me." "uh...you're bleeding." "From your forehead." I rub it away. "Still there?" They shake their heads. "Then we cool. You cool. Me cool. We all cool." I wobbly head towards the rest of the way down. Flowey lowers himself and whacks me with his pot. "Okay, now I know you have brain damage. Go back upstairs and go to our room to sleep this off." "Look, I get it. You're scared. You don't have to come along if you don't want to." "Don't be so stupid, you idiot! I'm trying to keep you alive! You have no idea what kind of awful, messed up, nightmare-inducing things will happen if you go down there!" Flowey huffs and puffs, but I'm already halfway down by the time he notices. "*snarls* You! Ghost!" "me?" "Are you able to carry me?" Napstablook looks at him funny and scoffs. "probably. why?" "I need to go after her. That dumbass is going to get herself killed if she doesn't get out of there." Napstablook's eyes widen and he grabs Flowey's pot. Just then, the tumblers in the house's door began to clatter with the sound of a key being inserted. Panic washes over them. Napstablook moves quickly, yanking Flowey from the railing and speeding down the stairs as the door starts to open. Toriel enters. "Hello? My child? I have returned home." Only silence greeted Toriel. Perhaps the human was in her room asleep. Poor thing hasn't been the most well rested as of late. Those bags under her eyes looking darker by the day. The girl needs all the rest she can get. Toriel heads toward the kitchen, to start making a batch of cookies to surprise her happy little family. But the surprise was on her. She almost didn't see it. The joy of her delight almost blinded her to something that now has her breaking into a series of nervous twitches. Small smudges of crimson now discolor the pale cream that makes up the home's interior. "No...No, no, no, no, no! Not again!" The panicked parent rushes in the hopes that she is not too late. That she won't have to lose another life. Me on the other hand, I've been walking for a while now. The path under the house is much longer than anyone would guess. Probably the result of digging for open pockets in the mountain. Flowey chased after me, like a bitch, and dragged Napstablook along. "Human! Toriel is coming!" "Yeah, right." "he's not lying. she just came back. I hope she didn't see us." I roll my eyes not believing them, until... "Child!" [You felt your sins crawling on your back.] "Run!" The three of us make a break for it the end of the of the hall...only to be blocked by large stone doors. "Shit..." "My child..." We turn around and see the frightened Toriel now behind us. Dear god, this woman is fast as hell! Napstablook lets fear get the better of him, fading away and making me dive to catch Flowey before his pot shatters. "Nice catch." "*whisper* Praise my SPEED stat later. Shit's about to hit the fan." "Lynsie...My little girl. Why are you down here?" Her eerie calm is disturbing. I need to think of a lie and think it up quick. Or speak the dumb truth. Whatever will work best at this moment. "I fell down the stairs." Her expression softens slightly. "Why did you not come back upstairs?" "I...I didn't know how you'd react if you saw me. I got scared." She calms down and approaches. "Child, I meant not to instill such fear in you. I want you to know you can come to me whenever you are in need." "And you won't be upset?" "I...I will do my best to understand before reacting." "Thank you, Nanny." She pats my head and places a hand on my back to get me to follow her back up to our home. "I do have one question for you, my child." I tense up. "Yes?" "What were you doing by the stairs in the first place?" "I...I got curious." Her hand on my back flinches. "Curious about what?" Flowey is trying to mime to me to keep my mouth shut. But I'm not very good at following his orders. "You come down here a lot. You never say why or what happens. I just...I thought I could hear you talking to someone and wanted to meet them too." Her hand pushes me roughly so I'm ahead of her towards the stairs. "You heard nothing, child. There is no one down here. Run along and freshen up. We'll bake together shortly...I have to do something first." She turns around, heading back towards the doors. I should go upstairs. I know I should. But I can't. "Oh no. I know that look. Don't do it." "I'm gonna do it." "Don't!" "Too late." "Why do you do this?! Why don't you listen to me?!" "Because if you don't act then you're just as wrong to ignore what's going on. Sure, it's likely safer to just do as you or Toriel say. But that's just choosing to hide. To let the problems around me win. I've lived like that already. To sink into myself and the darkness. I won't do that again. I won't let others go through it if I have the chance. So get mad all you want. I'm not going to stand by while they do things that will only make them suffer." Flowey just stares at me. Thoughts running through his mind as I sprint after her. "Nanny!" She pauses. "I told you to go upstairs." "Not without you." "Tell me, child. Do I not provide enough for you? Are the Ruins not good enough? Do you seek your own death that badly?" [You felt your sins weighing on your neck.] I glare at her in annoyance but she continues. "Ahead of us lies the end of the RUINS. A one-way exit to the rest of the underground. I am going to destroy it. No one will ever be able to leave again. Now be a good child and go upstairs." "No." She looks at me over her shoulder, her own eyes glaring back at me. "No?" "I will not leave you down here." She huffs through her nose. "Every human that falls down here meets the same fate. I have seen it again and again. They come. They leave. They die. You naive child...If you leave the RUINS...They... ASGORE...Will kill you." "You underestimate me." "Please don't piss her off." She snarls at me. "I am only protecting you, do you understand?" "No, you understand! I will not allow you to use me as an excuse. I am an adult. I can make my own choices. I will embrace the consequences of any action I take. I am responsible for my life. Not you." "...Go to your room." "Make me." The intensity of our glares can generate harsh sparks. "Do not try to stop me. This is your final warning." She runs for the door and now I'm pissed off. "Don't you turn your back on me, bitch!" Flowey is stunned by my snap but doesn't get a chance to respond. I drop Flowey's pot and give chase to Toriel. I never even hear the clay pot shatter. I speed up to make sure Toriel won't do something stupid. "Don't ignore me! You fear something you can't control. You're letting the fear win. You're acting as stupid as the humans that banished you!" She flinches for a second before turning around and facing now in front of the door that she despises. Though now that I see her and the door together, I notice the door bears the same symbol as her robes. "You must really be unhappy. You want to leave so badly?" "What made you get a moronic idea like that? Fuck no, I don't want to leave. All I want is for you to get your fuzzy ass upstairs so we can make cookies and read books." "Hmph. And why should I believe that? You are not the first to tell me such lies." "Oh for fuck's sake. I have been trying for god knows how long to be sweet with you because, in case you haven't noticed, I like you and consider you my freaking mom! So stop this nonsense and get away from that stupid door!" She snorts, anger in her eyes. But then...she starts to giggle. The giggles then become manic and loud. Now I'm on edge. "You...hehehe...You are just like the others. To think I was worried you wouldn't fit in out there...Eheheheh! You really are no different from them! Ha...Ha..." I growl in annoyance. Is she really mocking me right now or is she losing her mind? I don't know. But it's really ticking me off either way. "There is only one solution to this. You...Prove yourself...Prove to me you are strong enough to survive." I scoff. "I don't have to prove anything to anyone. Not even you." "Prove to me you are strong enough to survive!" Her voice shirks harshly and my soul appears in a glow of red. Seems we're fighting now. Just great. [HEARTACHE begins to play in the background.] [Toriel blocks the way!] "Are you for real right now? You're really going to fight me over this crap?" [Toriel prepares a magical attack.] "*sigh* I guess you're leaving me no choice but to beat some sense into you. Very well...Bring it on!" Her paw-like hands catch fire and she sweeps them in an arc, casting a trail of fireballs that are launched towards me. Simple enough to attempt evasion on their own, but then I find out that the fireballs can bounce off of the walls. I get hit a few times by these rouge ricocheting balls of flame. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] [Toriel looks through you.] "And you criticize me for being nuts. Are you seeing this bullshit, Flowey? ...Flowey?" Only now do I realize that I don't have the pot with me. "Ah, fuck my life. Flowey! Hey! You okay?!" I shout into the hall behind me. Seconds later he pops out of the ground, meaning this floor isn't solid. "You jackass! I can't believe you dropped me!" "So you're fine? Good. That makes one of us. Two, if you count Napstablook fleeing when he had the chance. Lucky bastard." "Make your move, child!" Flowey takes notice of what's going on. "I told you! I told you and you wouldn't listen!" "Oh my god! Stop nagging me like you're my wife! Just support me and keep out of fight radius!" [FIGHT] [ACT] [ITEM] [MERCY] "Okay, what are my options?" [ACT selected.] [New options available.] [CHECK] [TALK] "That's it? Fine. Simple is as simple be." [TALK selected.] [You couldn't think of any conversation topics.] "This is pointless. I know you don't want to hurt me and you know I don't want to hurt you either. So let's stop this now before it gets crazy." [Toriel looks through you.] She launches the same attack as before. Only now there are two rows instead of one, but the pattern remains the same. This is a good thing. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] "You've really gotten fast, human." "You sound surprised? Did you really think I didn't try with all that training?" "Uh..." "Fuck you, Flowey." [TALK selected.] [You tried to think of something to say again, but...] "Quit wasting time doing this, Nanny. At this rate, we won't even have time to eat if we ever get cooking." [Toriel takes a deep breath.] "Geez, woman. You're like ice. So cold." Her stony expression doesn't change as she unleashes the same attack yet again. Same pattern. Same spots of bounce off. Same easy steps to dodge. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] "This isn't a fight. It's not even a tussle. It's just sad." "Are you really disappointed she's not trying to kill you?" "I know how it sounds and as fucked up as it is, yeah." "...Why?!" "Because I don't like it when someone pushes me to do things with them, only to slack off while I do all the work. It pisses me off." "While that does suck, you shouldn't feel that way right now. She doesn't want to hurt you and you don't want to hurt her...right?" "Of course not. I don't want to hurt anyone. That's why I'm trying to talk to her." [TALK selected.] [Ironically, talking does not seem to be the solution to this situation.] "Why won't you listen to me? Are you even able to hear me? Say something! Anything. Do something other than just stand there like an emotionless statue!" "..." [Toriel is acting aloof.] The same attack is sent my way once more. It's gotten to the point where I just stand still and deflect the fireballs with my knife. I'm losing my patience with this repetitive shit. "The hell am I suppose to do here? Die of boredom?" {You can't reason with her when she gets like this.} I flinch. "So...You're chiming in now? Of all times?" {You look like you can use all the help you can get.} "*scoff* Do you not see my skills? I can do this no problem. I just can't understand what option I need to select." "Human? Who are you talking to?" To Flowey or anyone else for that matter, I'm chatting with no one. "Oh, just a voice that seems to have random timing." {I don't have random timing. It takes a lot of energy to manifest like this.} "Wait, manifest? Are you a ghost?" {I guess? Not really sure. I mean, I was dead. Fairly sure I still am. I don't even know how or why I woke up. I just...did.} "You are one confused dude, ya know that?" "They're not the only one." I snarl at Flowey. {I might be confused on some things, yes. But I'm not as confused as you.} "Don't start shit with me, dude! I am so not in the mood and I will kick your dead ass if I have to" {I'd like to see you try, punk.} "Alright, what's your name, asshole?! I wanna know what to write on your headstone along with all the shit I'm gonna mock you with!" {My name? It's Chara.} "Well then, allow me to say this then...Fuck you, Chara!" Just like that, the room goes completely dead. The air stills, the temperature chills, and the thrills are less than wanted. In an instant, the world that I know of goes dark for me and my body stands in a painful slump. Flowey's eyes widen in shock and Toriel finally does something other than stay still. "C-Ch...Ch...Chara...? My boy...he's here...?" A hauntingly dread hangs in the air like a thick miasma. Flowey only seems to realize that things are not what they seem when my red soul begins to tinge darker and darker. The color being swallowed by shadow until it is nothing more than a black heart. "A black soul? How...Is that even possible?" I twitch for a moment before coming back to life. "Human? Are you okay?" I shake my head and rub my eyes. My head really hurts. Looking around I see Toriel, her face is sorrowful and her eyes are pleading. "Chara? Where is my son? Chara?" Chara was her son? This woman was holding out on me when I asked if she had a family. Not cool. Still, she's calling out for a dead kid, right? Do I not matter? I'm right here. I thought she cared about me. Thought she loved me. I've been trying to be a good girl and talk to her. But maybe she's... [Not worth talking to.] I stand strong and leer at this woman whom I gave trust to. This seems to strike her attention. "My child? Why are you looking at me like that?" {Yeah, why are you looking at her like that?} I snarl. "I am not your child." My voice is different. More darker, colder, and deadly. [FIGHT selected.] Flowey attempts to question me but I take off at her in the blink of an eye, knife in hand. She's stunned. Hardly able to register the dark blur that is me till I'm in her face. There's a quick instance of time, a glimpse of what's to come, and she's able to move in time just as the knife is swung. I miss hitting her yet she now has a slash across her robe. "Next time, I won't miss." {What the hell are you doing?!} "Y...You...at my most vulnerable moment...you...really hate me that much?" I turn to head back to my starting point. "Don't flatter yourself. I don't care enough to hate you." She frowns. "Child..." "No! Don't you dare say that!" I face her again and whatever hateful look I have on my face is enough to make her back up in intimidation. "I trusted you. I let you in. I thought you'd be different. Monsters are so much better than humans. But you...*growls* You're no better than they were. You never cared about me. I was just a replacement. A placeholder for the kid you lost." "B-But that's not true." "You've shown no emotion since this fight started. You've been ignoring me this whole time. But the moment I say Chara, you get all teary eyed and talkative? I let you call me your daughter and you forget me the moment a ghost from your past pops up! You're no better than them. You never cared about me. No one cares about me. I am the abandoned one. I am unlovable. You broke my heart when I didn't think it was possible for it to shatter anymore than it already was. So congratulations. You managed to hurt me like no one has. And now...Now I will make you feel my pain. One turn at a time." I walk back to my original position and she begins to cry, holding her muzzle to keep the sadness in. Flowey is just dumbfounded by my sudden turn to the dark side. "What the hell are you doing?! I thought you weren't going to...kill...?" The icy stare down I'm giving him chills the life out of him. "Y-You...Wh...What are you...?" I merely grin and the whites of my eyes begin to fill with blackness. This terrifies the poor flower-boy. "T-this...feeling? Why am I...Shaking? Hey...S-s-stop making that creepy face! This isn't funny! You've got a SICK sense of humor!" {I agree. This isn't how you win this.} I growl to myself. {What is with you? I swear to god if you hurt my mom, I'm gonna kill you.} "I'd like to see you try, brat." {Stupid reckless jerk. I'm too dead for this crap.} [Toriel prepares a magical attack but is weary now.] Streams of fireballs fall from the top of the room in a crisscrossing double-helix pattern and accumulate at the floor. The streams have holes in the middle of them to dodge through. Heck, there are even two safe spots near both corners. This doesn't bode well for Toriel. [HP ███████████████ 15/24] "My turn now." {Hey, wait!} "What?" {You don't have to fight her.} "Not much else really on the table for choices." {Okay, talking isn't going to work, we know that! But if you really mean what you say and don't want to kill...You'll have to do something else!} He's calling me out. Damn him. But he's right. I mean, what the fuck am I doing? I tried to strike Toriel! I could've killed her from my level of intent! That isn't something I'd do. That isn't me. This isn't me at all. "No...No, this is wrong. This is all wrong. This isn't me. This isn't me! THIS ISN'T ME!!" My head hurts! I grip my head in one hand and my soul in the other. The black that makes up its color struggles to remain. My chest tightens in pain and I roar. The black in my soul swirls into its center and is flushed away by the encompassing blue. Once it's all gone, I feel drained and yet better at the same time. {You...You okay?} "I...I don't feel so good." "Lynsie? Are you normal now?" I look at Flowey and he sighs with relief. "Phew! That creepy face is gone. What happened back there? You were so...different." "You think I know?" I look at my hands and the fake knife that's clasped so tightly that my fingers are stiffly locked around the handle. "I...I was going to do a bad thing. Wasn't I?" "Yeah...But that wasn't you. It was...Whatever that was." I glare at the knife and put it back in my pocket. I don't need it. I don't want it. I will not attack her. But if talking won't work, what will? Let's see...No to FIGHT. ACT is a waste of time. I don't have any ITEMS. So that just leaves MERCY? But that's usually SPARE and FLEE. And I doubt I can FLEE from this fight. Not after all the crap that just went down. I need to check this. "Yo, ghost-boy." {Huh?} "What do you think of this course of action?" [MERCY selected.] [New options available.] [SPARE] [FLEE] {You're going to run? Not a bad idea, but not a winning one either.} "No, not that one. This one." {Spare? Worth a shot. I mean, what else is there really?} "I know right?" "You still talking to Chara?" "We're agreeing on a plan." "And that is?" "You'll see." [SPARE selected.] Toriel looks at me funny. Not surprising as I've gone from trying to talk to her to then trying to kill her. "...? What are you doing?" "What's it look like? I'm sparing you." She eyes me funny. Contemplating so many things. "I don't understand." "What's so hard to understand? I didn't want to fight you. I don't want to fight you still. I don't want to end up hurting you. So I'm done. I'm done trying to do anything. I offer you mercy. What say you?" She pauses for a while. Time seems to stop. But then she makes her move. She attacks similar to her last attack but it's a little different. Thicker streams of fireballs, too thick to dodge through, but they do not sweep back and forth. Allowing careful me to keep safe between the streams only after finding it once I got hit a couple times trying to fit into it. [HP ███████ 7/24] "*panting* Okay...ow...Took more damage than I thought." {Not bad though. That was some pretty fancy footwork you did there.} "Thanks." "You okay, human?" I give Flowey a thumbs up and get ready for more junk to come. [SPARE selected.] "What are you doing? Attack or run away!" "I choose none of that." She hurls more of that same hard to dodge fireball streams. Only thing is now I know what I'm doing, so I only get hit once by the time her turn ends. [HP ███ 3/24] I can barely stand. I'm singed and searing in burn pain. I can't take much more of this. If she keeps this up, I'm as good as dead. Damn it, woman, accept my mercy already! {You're doing great. Keep this up and you're golden." "If this keeps up I'll be joining you in the afterlife, ghost-boy." "Child...What are you proving this way? Fight me or leave!" "There are more choices than that, Toriel. If I don't want to fight, I don't have to. If I don't want to leave, I don't have to. Problems don't just go away because you kill them or run away. You face them head on and never back down until their resolved." "Can't you see that's not how the world works down here? I don't want to see you die. I need to know you are strong enough to make out of this wretched place alive. And I'm willing to give you my power if it means you'll survive." "I will not kill my MOTHER!" That slipped out of me but I don't regret it. My words pack enough of a punch that has her faltering. "Stop it. Stop looking at me that way. Go away!" She attacks again, yet something isn't right. The fireballs fall haphazardly from above but deliberately move away if they come close to me, making it impossible to take damage even if I move closer. I think I'm finally getting to her. I need to keep this going. [HP ███ 3/24] "Please...just go upstairs now. I promise I will take good care of you here. I know we do not have much, but...We can have a good life here." "I know that. I don't want to leave. I want to make this work. That's why I'm trying so fucking hard!" [SPARE selected.] I start to approach her and she trembles, either in fear or worry, I know not. So she attacks again, but again the flames avoid me. [HP ███ 3/24] "Why are you making this so difficult? Please, go upstairs." "I can say the same to you." [SPARE selected.] I come to a stop in front of her and she meets my gaze with her own. Such sadness smears her features. Her hands tremble and the fire they hold flickers out. She crumbles right there, falling to her knees. "Urgh...You are stronger than I thought..." "I told you not to underestimate me." "Listen to me, small one...If you go beyond this door, keep walking as far as you can. Eventually, you will reach an exit." "Exit?" "ASGORE...Do not let ASGORE take your soul. His plan cannot be allowed to succeed." "War on humanity? Yeah, not the best plan since that didn't work out so well last time. Heh, funny enough, if you guys wait long enough we'll all end up wiping ourselves out for one dumb reason or another." "You will be good, won't you? My child." "You talk like you heard nothing I said. Damn it, Nanny, do I have to spell it out for you?" I put my arms around her and embrace her tight. I will not let go until she comes to her senses. I refuse to let her remain like this. Her eyes widen and her face contorts with mixed emotions before settling on a defeated weak smile. "Ha ha...Pathetic, is it not? I cannot save even a single child." "Mother..." "No, I understand. You would just be unhappy trapped down here. The RUINS are very small once you get used to them. It would not be right for you to grow up in a place like this. My expectations...My loneliness...My fear...For you, my child...I will put them aside." "Toriel..." "If you truly wish to leave the RUINS...I will not stop you. However, when you leave...Please do not come back. I hope you understand." "Mom!" She trembles hard when I snap. God, she still doesn't get it. This woman is as messed up as I am. Maybe that's why I care about her so much. Maybe in the depths of my soul, it believes that by saving her I'll be saving part of myself. I don't know. I ain't no psychologist after all. "Let me make this as clear as possible for you. I. AM. NOT. LEAVING. YOU!" Her eyes water and I let her go. "I know I'm not really your kid. I said and did some messed up shit. I regret it a lot. I let my feelings overwhelm me in the worst ways. But I want to make it right. I want to earn your forgiveness. I want to earn the right to be your daughter. Will you let me do this after the things I've done? Can you give me another chance, Toriel?" She whimpers. "You...you're really going to stay?" "Yes. I told you before and I'll keep saying it if it helps. I am going to stay with you as long as you'll keep me. I'm not lying. I speak only truth. I am not leaving you. This is my home for as long as you'll have me stay. You will be my mother and I'll be your daughter for as long as you wish it to be so. Please, believe me." {I think you've done it.} She begins to cry, her arms go around me and nearly smother me in a warm healing hug. "Lynsie, my child...Thank you. Forgive me for my earlier behavior. You were right. I was brash, unfeeling, and callous. I am appalled to call myself a mother. I attacked my own child. How are you able to still want to be around me after such happenings?" {Now seal the deal.} "No one is perfect, Nanny. We all make mistakes. It's how we learn from them that makes the difference. We can either learn to do better or end up repeating the same thing again. I can forgive you because I understand why you are the way you are. You have been through so much. You've loved. You've lost. You've tried to help. And yet fate has been so cruel to you. It forced you into this lonely home where all you see is danger outside its walls. You're scared of losing any more of those you end up close to. So you lash out because you don't know how else to respond to those feelings. I can't be mad at you for that." She smiles softly and pets my head. "You truly are a sweet child." "I try." {Thank you.} [YOU WON!] [You earned 0 XP and 0 gold.] Things revert to normal and I help her up to her feet. "Come on, mom. Let's go back upstairs." "Yes. I would like that very much." "Holy cow! You actually did it!" We look over at Flowey. "Crap, we need a new pot for him." "I am sure we can find something for him upstairs." "Do ya mind waiting a little bit down here till we bring back something?" "I don't mind really. It feels nice to let my roots stretch out." We head back upstairs and return to life as before. Toriel is more relaxed now that her fears have been put to rest. I've doubled my efforts around the home to make amends for my actions in the fight we had. I sowed up the cut in her robe, even though she said I didn't have to. But she surprised me by sowing my shirt as well. As if showing the new bound we made, she sowed the symbol on her robes onto my shirt. She tells me it's called the Delta Rune, the emblem of monster kind. I wear it proudly. Chara talks to me more frequently now. Toriel often talks to him too and I have to tell her what he says. She was skeptical at first, hard to imagine a dead kid talking to your adoptive one, but he has me tell her things that only they'd know and it all set in there. The odd thing is that Flowey will talk to him too. The conversations they have, they're so personal. I feel uncomfortable being this third wheel. But the more they all talk, the more I learn about them. Things I won't share with anyone else. Like how Chara tends to call Flowey the name Asriel. I learn from Toriel's chats with him that this was the name of her biological son with none other than King Asgore. Yeah, that was a big fucking bomb drop. Toriel, this lonely hidden away woman, is the Queen to an entire race that is going to try to kill me. Yay! Flowey got his pot replacement so he was able to come into the house again. We still train together, all be it a little intensely. I mean, I'm willing but he's less to do so. My guess is because he's afraid of losing Chara. I hate this feeling. Being a host to someone that others want more than they want me. It's when I have these moments, I go to the lookout of the old city and I talk to Chara. Just us. He's rather understanding. Like he's gone through a lot of the same things I have. I don't pry too much into his past and he doesn't push me on my reasons for trying to die. We are the same in a lot of ways. We both are haunted by the ghosts of our past lives on the surface. He's nice to have around for these chats even if I feel weird about having yet another guy follow me around at times where I'd rather be by myself. But at least Chara agreed to not pop up when I'm in the bathroom. Napstablook on the other hand...well...I have no clue. He's MY buddy. He only comes around for me. That much I enjoy. It feels oddly nice that a dude, even if he's a ghost monster, pays sole attention to me. Makes me feel wanted. And if I have to be girly, as is my gender, it makes me feel pretty too. God, feelings are weird. After the fight, Toriel allows me downstairs now. She still worries about me leaving, but the trust is there that I won't. Flowey and I use the larger space for better workouts. It does pay off in the long run. My stats increase more. I'm now HP 28, ATK 17, and DEF 13. The weird part now out of all this is, the more we train down here, the more I get curious. I'm now tempted to go beyond the door and see what's on the other side.

[lexosaurus]

Xmas Truce 2017

This one’s for @phantomfighter724. Happy holidays!

Danny hunched over the toilet, his body cleansing itself of everything it didn't like. His breakfast, bile—it all pooled in the murky water below.

He leaned his head down against the porcelain seat. He gave a halfhearted attempt at shifting his arms to support his sweaty face before giving up. His entire body felt like lead. His brain was clouded. He was a mess.

His stomach growled and he let out a whine of frustration. "What the hell," he muttered under his breath. What the hell was happening to him?

Out of the corner of his eye his phone lit up, and for a second he wondered why it was thrown haphazardly against the corner of the wall before he recalled tossing it out of his hand in his blind panic to reach the toilet on time. He winced, and braced himself for the worst. Fortunately, after a brief inspection, he found no additional cracks in his screen other than the small one in the corner he got from one of Skulker's brilliantly-failed attempts at kidnapping him.

A new message from Valerie popped up on the screen, and despite his situation he could help but grin a little. Befriending Valerie after she discovered his secret—connecting Dani's halfa status to his a little too easily—was a long, strenuous process. At first, it even seemed impossible, if their blatant disregard for the other's existence in school was anything to go by. But pent-up teenage emotion coupled with the constant necessity of teamwork during field-work eventually lead to an explosive argument. Valerie's hurt, Danny's insecurities, both of their mistrust in each other, everything came to light. It was violent, even if no blood was shed, and they walked away having said too many things they couldn't take back. Danny thought they were through.

They were, for a time. The silence didn't let up, but something shifted. Instead of angry silence, the air around them was uncomfortable. It was awkward, weird. Danny had never felt so unsure of how to act since his first day walking into Casper High two years ago. He was fourteen, and he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do.

It was Valerie who broke the silence first, sending him a text reading, “I can’t do this anymore. Let’s meet up for coffee after my shift ends today.”

That conversation was different. They actually listened rather than spewing out the first thing they could think of through their red-tinted eyesight. And while the duo spoke with blunt honesty, they were delicate with their words. Respectful of the situation.

At some point after that, Valerie joined him on his nightly patrols. Danny wasn't sure why, but he chose not to question it. At first they wouldn't talk other than the obligatory, "Ghost of there," or "Watch out," but it was a step. A tiny step, but a step nonetheless.

After about a week of this, however, Danny thought he was going to lose his mind over the stupid tension. So he choked out the first thing he could think of, "So...the weather."

It was by far the worst conversation starter in the book, and he could have sworn he saw Valerie nearly lose her balance on her hoverboard. His own face burned green, and he ducked down a few feet under her in a brilliant attempt to hide his embarrassment. Valerie definitely noticed, but for some reason she chose to go along with it.

So they talked. Their first conversation was nothing but superficial, the kind of small-talk one would have when dragged along to a dinner-party with their parents, but it marked the beginning of a budding friendship between the duo. Eventually, those nightly patrols turned into after-school homework sessions and then just Friday night hangouts. While all of their problems didn't disappear overnight, they worked through them. As friends. And then, eventually...

Received: 11:24am

Val: Hey, how you feeling?<3

Danny shook his head, as if attempting to clear the fog, and typed back a response. 

Danny: not sure...i think it's getting worse

Val: Want me to come over?

Danny: don't bother i can handle it

Val: Ok I'm coming over.

Danny: seriously it's prob nothing bad

Val: Do you like tomato soup or chicken noodle better?

Danny: val it's a ghost thing u don't have to worry it'll probably pass soon

Val: Ok I'm bring both I'll be there in 10

Danny: ...ok

As stubborn as Danny could be, Valerie was worse. Danny wasn’t even sure why he still resisted her kindness, even if they were dating. Maybe it was his pride? Maybe he didn’t want to get her sick? Maybe he was still insecure about himself and felt less-than and unworthy of any amount of affection? Who knew, really.

Another pang of hunger swept through his body and he sighed, leaning against the wall for support. He closed his eyes and let the dizziness sweep over him. It was probably just a ghost flu, right? It had to pass soon, didn't it?

Ever since a particularly bad fight against Vortex, he's felt off. At first, he was just a little lightheaded. Ok, no big deal, he just had to drink water. Powerade. And for a time, that worked okay. Not great, but it put a band-aid over the issue for a bit.

That was, until the hunger-pains started. He woke up one day hungry. His body clenched up as if he hadn't eaten in days, despite having a large dinner the night before. He wolfed down his morning cereal, ignoring his mom's comments about his appetite, and took off for school. Instead of feeling ready to start the school day, he felt awful. His stomach still was cramped, and waves of nausea washed over him. A few days into this cycle later, his body finally gave up and he found himself hunched over a toilet halfway through first period.

Sam all but dragged him to the nurses office that day, forcing him to get a note to go home. He slept for the rest of that day—or tried his best—but whatever was wrong with him, it didn't pass. The next day he woke up, his hunger even stronger than the day before. He tried to force himself to eat something, but he couldn't. Even though his body screamed at him for anything goddamnit, his morning cereal looked...unappetizing. Gross. 

Of course, Danny hadn't gotten so much as a cold since gaining his ghostly half. Sam had a theory that the ectoplasm coursing through his blood burned off any unwanted bacteria or viruses in his body. That theory, as uneducated of a guess as it was, was more likely true than not. It would also explain the lack of infections Danny's gotten, even though his blood has been exposed to the air too many times to be healthy for a normal human.

Ah well, just another thing to add to the never ending list of everything that separated him from other humans.

That didn't mean he hasn't gotten sick, though. As rare as they were, ghostly viruses did exist in the Ghost Zone. Danny managed to contract the ghostly flu last year, which made his powers glitch as bad as the first month after the portal accident. Tucker being Tucker found it absolutely hysterical, and made sure to stock up on as much blackmail material as he could over the duration of his illness. Although that wasn't Danny's first time being an internet meme, the gif of him inexplicably falling from the sky and crashing into a tree was possibly his most embarrassing publicly documented moment to date.

A knock on the door broke Danny out of his thoughts.

“Come in,” he said weakly.

"Hey Danny," Val pushed her way in the door, a plastic shopping bag hanging off of one of her arms.

Danny struggled up in a feeble attempt to sit a bit straighter. He was vaguely aware of the distinct odor coming from the toilet beside him. He was lucky Valerie has seen him in worse conditions before.

She sat down next to him. "How you feeling?"

"I don't know," he shrugged, all false bravado flying out the window.

She quietly surveyed the scene before her. Danny's pale, sickly face beaded with sweat. Purple circles laid under his sunken-in eyes. He clutched the hem of his shirt and averted his gaze to the side.

She pursed her lips, "Danny, you look like shit."

Danny snorted. "I feel like shit."

"I can see why Jazz forced you to stay home from patrol this week."

At the mention of patrol, Danny’s eyes lit up. “How are the ghosts this week? Have you been okay on your own? Has the Box Ghost been bothering you too much? Do you need any help tonight?”

A light smile touched Valerie’s lips. Even though it was an unspoken rule not to mention Danny’s obsession outright, she still found other ways to poke fun at him for it. “Danny, you can barely stand. Chill.”

A blush crept on Danny’s cheeks, and he rolled his eyes as another wave of nausea hit him at once. Before Valerie could so much as blink, Danny had lunged at the toilet bowl, dry heaving up any molecules still left in his stomach.

A pang of worry shot through Valerie. She frowned and reached over to gently rub his back, “This is getting worse.”

“I...know...” Danny ground out between coughs.

“I know you don’t want to...but I think we should call Vlad.”

He froze.

“He might know what’s going on,” Valerie said.

“Val, no. We can’t trust him,” Danny said, his voice cold.

Valerie crossed her arms and huffed. "Come on, don’t be thick. You’re a halfa, Vlad’s a halfa. Whatever you think about him—fine. But this has been going on for over a month now and it’s only getting worse. You need help, Fenton. You need someone’s help who actually understands halfa biology. Vlad’s the man for that, whether you like it or not.”

Danny slumped his shoulders. “Okay, you have a point.”

“Thank you,” Valerie said under her breath as she took out her phone. She scrolled through her contacts till she got to Vlad’s name, and hesitated. She hadn’t contacted him in months. After the whole debacle with Dani, she kept her contact with him at a minimum. When Vlad realized she knew Danny’s secret and by default, his, he stopped contacting her altogether. Interestingly enough, packages of replacement/upgraded weapons occasionally appear at her doorstep. She knew Danny noticed when broken equipment was suddenly replaced or she got a new gun, but he was kind enough to leave it alone.

Another retch from her boyfriend beside her was all she needed to finally push down on the button. She put the phone on speaker. After only two rings, the voice of an older man appeared on the other end of the line.

“Valerie, dear. To what do I owe the pleasure? Is your equipment working fine?”

Danny tensed at Vlad’s silky tone. He opened his mouth to respond with a biting comment, but his stomach had another idea.

Worry creased Vlad’s next words. “Valerie? What’s happening? Is everything alright?”

“Fine—I’m fine, Mr. Masters,” Valerie said, her eyes not leaving Danny’s figure. “Uh, it’s Danny.”

“Daniel? What’s wrong with him?”

“We’re, um, not sure. He can’t stop throwing up. He doesn’t...Halfas can’t get human illnesses, right?”

“Right...” Vlad muttered. “Valerie, I’m presuming I’m on speaker phone?”

“Yeah,” Valerie said.

“Alright then. Daniel?” Vlad called out.

“What.” Danny said flatly.

“Can you describe your symptoms to me please?” Vlad asked.

Danny closed his eyes and said, “Uh, I can’t...I can’t hold anything down. Every time I try to eat something it comes back up. I’m really dizzy and...I guess...I mean, I’ve had these stomach pains for a few weeks now. And headaches too. I’m sure it’s nothing but Valerie—”

“This has been going on for a month and it’s not getting any better, Vlad. We’re not sure what to do.”

“I’m glad you called me,” Vlad said, his tone much more serious than a minute ago. 

“What is it?” Danny asked at the same time Valerie demanded, “Is everything going to be okay?”

There was a pause. 

“Valerie, do you mind stepping out of the room for a second?” 

Danny, despite his weak state, managed to push himself away from the toilet and grab the phone out of Valerie’s hands with inhuman speed. “What is it, fruitloop? Just spit it out.”

“Daniel, I know this may come as a shock to you but I do care about you,” Vlad said. “You know, this may not be a good conversation to have over the phone. Give me a minute. Daniel, I presume you’re in the bathroom upstairs?”

“...Yes.”

“Perfect.”

The phone line went dead and Danny slumped against the wall. He glanced over to the toilet and wrinkled his nose at the smell of his own stomach acid. With an abnormal amount of effort, he managed to flush the toilet.

“Sorry,” he glanced over to Valerie. “Sorry to drag you into this mess.”

“Danny, stop,” Valerie clipped, kissing his forehead lightly. “You’re my boyfriend and you’re ill. I’m not going to leave you to deal with this by yourself. I know you won’t let Sam or Tucker over but I’m not a pushover, okay?”

Danny rolled his eyes to counter the blush that tinted his cheeks. “Yeah, okay. I still...I know this ghost stuff can make you uncomfortable and I don’t want to ever put you in a position where you—”

“Oh my god, Fenton,” Valerie groaned. “Keep that up and this stupid bug isn’t going to be the only thing that’s gonna kill you.”

The room temperature dropped a few degrees. Danny and Valerie’s heads whipped over to the door where Vlad Masters walked through, dropping his invisibility.

"Mr. Masters!”

“Vlad.”

“Is everything alright with Danny?”

“Everything’s going to be fine,” Vlad said.

Valerie would have breathed a sigh of relief if not for the grave look on his face as he surveyed the scene. “My my, you’ve let this get worse than I thought. I’m not sure if I have enough here for you...”

“Enough of what?” Danny asked.

Vlad sighed. “Daniel, are you sure you don’t want Valerie to leave?”

Danny glared up at him. “We’re a team, Vlad.”

"I can handle whatever you throw at us,” Valerie confirmed, letting her chest swell out in pride at Danny’s affirmation. Regardless of any of her past prejudices, she loved Danny. She didn’t care whatever ghostly-illness he had, she was going to get through this with him.

“Okay, it’s...not for the faint of heart though, Little Badger,” Vlad said, closing his eyes.

Something in Danny clicked, and he felt his eyes soften. Whatever this was...it was really bothering Vlad. “It’s okay, Vlad,” he said softly. “I can handle this.”

“Alright then,” Vlad nodded. “Daniel, you know you have a ghost core. It’s responsible for regulating and replenishing ectoplasm in your body.”

“I know this,” Danny said, looking quizzically up at Vlad. “I have an ice core.”

“Right,” Vlad said. “In normal ghosts, this is enough and they can live an eternity with their cores working fine. This isn’t quite the case with halfas though.”

“What do you mean?”

“As you know, Daniel, you’re more powerful than most ghosts. But you’re not a full-ghost. Scientifically speaking, we’re anomalies. Scientific paradoxes. We shouldn’t exist, and our cores know this.”

Alarms blared through Valerie’s brain. “You mean his core is trying to kill him?”

“Not quite,” Vlad said steadily. “But his core cannot keep up with his body’s demands. Halfa cores have to regulate not just ectoplasm, but how the ectoplasm interacts with the living aspects of the human in such a way that it won’t kill you. On top of that, you frequently expelling ectoplasm in forms like powerful ghost-rays puts more pressure on your already overworked core. Your core simply doesn’t have enough energy to do what you demand of it.”

“Hence the hunger,” Danny said, his blue eyes looking down.

“Exactly.”

Valerie ran a hand through her hair. “What’s the solution?”

Vlad reached into his pockets and pulled out a few vials filled with a familiar looking green substance. “Listen to your body, Little Badger. Your body is craving ectoplasm. You need to drink it.”

Realization hit Danny like a ton of bricks. “But isn’t that...that’s...”

“Low-level ecto-puses I took from Skulker’s care last week,” Vlad confirmed. “Purified ecto-plasm. You start developing a need for this once your halfa body solidifies its core. Think of it like a ghostly-puberty, if you will.”

“No...”

“Danny,” Valerie reached out and took Danny’s hand gently. “You’re starving yourself.”

“No, Val, you don’t understand—”

“I do,” Valerie looked at him, her gaze strong. “You said earlier that you didn’t want me to be uncomfortable around the ghostly-aspects of your life. Well, I’m not. There’s no other option, Danny. You’re going to die if you don’t drink the vials. You need to do this.”

Danny shook his head. “I—I can’t.”

Valerie wrapped her hands around Danny’s shoulders and leaned in, kissing him. It was gentle, reassuring, and comforting. Danny relished her touch.

“You can do this,” Valerie said, breaking it off. “You’re strong, Danny. You can do this.”

“Okay,” Danny took the vials. 

“Little Badger,” Vlad said, meeting Danny’s eyes. “I’ve been doing this for a while now, you know. I...I can give you the vials if you want. Your moral compass is, well it’s different than mine. I know this is hard for you. It will get easier but, if you would like, you can just let me know when you need vials and I’ll give them to you.”

Danny breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Vlad. It means a lot.”

Vlad nodded, a rare kind smile dotting his lips. 

Danny’s glanced one more time at his girlfriend before slowly opening the first vial. The metallic smell of ectoplasm tickled his nose and he found himself raising the vial to his lips.