#like how i have 'identity issues' (am trans and dont want a romantic partner)

[bananonbinary]

as a certified Diagnosed Autist(TM) i cannot stress enough that i am not only pro- self-diagnosis, but also pretty anti- legal medical diagnosis. it is, at best, a cruel hoop we have to jump through so privileged people will deign to give us what we need. don't fucking do that shit unless you have to, it was disgustingly expensive, fucking humiliating, infantilizing, and dehumanizing, and would probably actively cause problems in my life if i didn't have some really good allistic (-passing) people in my corner and also wasn't so fucking disabled that it mostly doesn't matter.

literally get that diagnosis if you need it for job/school accessibility shit or SSI or whatever, and otherwise dont tell the government SHIT about yourself. there is zero good reason for them to want that information. that's between you and the people you want in your life.

[lilybaud]

So I'm curious what oppression do asexual people face? I do understand there are some minor discrimination similar to homosexuality like being told it's a phase, but there have 0 laws against i, very few if any deaths because of it, few forced marriages. Maybe there have been cases of corrective rape?

sorry i took a few days to answer this -- i wanted time to give you a thoughtful response! this is kinda a version of an ask i answered last month, but i hope it helps answer your question!

here are some good posts that explain better than me:

https://livebloggingmydescentintomadness.tumblr.com/post/148453657895/the-aphobia-masterpost (This one goes into ace history, as well as many other topics – big recommend)

https://newt–x.tumblr.com/post/183606679191/a-spec-people-dont-experience-oppression (includes more comments/edits on the above)

So how are aces oppressed?

Let’s start with medical discrimmination: asexuality is classified as a mental disorder that you can get diagnosed with.  Although the DSM-5 says that asexuality is a valid identity, it still lists hypoactive sexual disorder as – well, a disorder.  This is basically defined as when someone is disinterested in sexual activity, and this disinterest causes them distress.  This is the same boat that homosexuality was in until a few decades ago – and obviously, aphobia (and homophobia) are very likely to make people feel “distressed” about their sexual identity (I know that I do!)  Imagine going to a psychiatrist and having them tell you that your orientation is a disorder that needs to be fixed: not great.

Even when ace people are not being explicitly diagnosed with Being an Asexual Disease, asexuals can often get into hostile medical situations, particularly in mental health settings.  I have had several appointments with psychiatrists, counselors, and the like that were meant to be about unrelated topics, but when it came out that I was ace, the conversation turned to why this was a sign of isolation/pathology/other fuckedupedness.  Other aces might be able to better speak about their experiences in this area, as I often avoid bringing up the topic in medical settings for this reason.

the discrimmination you’re talking about

Asexual people, particularly (but not only) female-identifying aces, have also long (long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) been targets of corrective rape and sexual assault. Here’s a good (altho far from exhaustive) HuffPost article on the subject.  Corrective rape is a huge issue.  This is a very prevalent fear for a lot of ace people, who also face other types of violence.  A really horrible and tragic example is the murder of ace teen Bianca Devins last year by a man that she refused to sleep with (I won’t post links because they’re pretty upsetting) -- a death that aphobes online are still making terrifying comments about.

So yes! Ace ppl do actually face violence and death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s a post that talks about why it’s hard to be an ace PoC (like me!)

Tl;dr, many people don’t know what asexuality is – it’s sometimes called an “invisible identity.”  But that doesn’t mean ace people aren’t discrimminated against as aces.

Exclusion from the LGBTQIA+ community

As I’m sure you know, many fellow people in the queer community hate ace people.  There’s a perception that ace people are being special snowflakes, that we are basically straight, that we are not oppressed enough to be part of the community, that we diminish the importance of other sexual orientations, and on and on.  This is really hard for ace people, because we seek queer spaces, spaces that are supposed to be safe for marginalized identities, are often those that are most explicitly anti-ace.  

In addition, some in the queer community used to identify as ace because they had internalized homophobia or other things, and view asexuality as a cover for those feelings based on their own experiences.

From queer tumblr bloggers I follow to comments by queer friends and acquaintances, I’ve personally had spaces that I thought were safe revealed to be aphobic.  That’s a pretty upsetting experience – I don’t talk about being ace very often, but it’s devastating to know that people you encounter in your everyday life spend so much time thinking about how much they hate people like you.

All this leads to many ace people being scared and unhappy.  In a UK government survey of LGBTQIA+ individuals, asexuals were the group least likely to be “open” about their identity (at 89% reporting that they were not open).  Cis aces were the least comfortable being queer in the UK, and had the lowest life satisfaction scores, out of all cis responders (the survey did not break down the responses of trans responders into allo/ace).

(Side note – many ace people emphasize other parts of their identities in order to participate in queer spaces.  For example, if pressed in a pride group or seminar or friendly gathering or etc., I might just say I’m bi.  This sucks too!  All parts of your identity are legitimate and that should go without saying?)

Personally, there are few environments where I am comfortable with people knowing that I am ace.  I don’t wear obvious pride gear, and I don’t call myself ace when I’m in LGBT+ groups.  I’ve never come out to a romantic or sexual partner as ace.  My sexual experiences have been highly traumatizing in part because of my identity.  Only a few of my closest friends know that I’m ace.  The negative perceptions of ace people, particularly those in the queer community, are main causes of this.

Why do we need to be oppressed to be let in?

One of exclusionists’ favorite sticking points is that aces aren’t oppressed enough to be part of the queer community.  We do face discrimination in major ways – see above.  But this raises a question: why do we have to be oppressed to be welcomed into LGBTQIA+ spaces?  What qualifies as oppression?  Is societal oppression “enough,” or does every ace person have to be personally subjected to a hate crime?  I’m not sure if this line of thought comes from a genuine belief that society has to personally take a shit in your bed every day for you to even think about feeling comfortable in queer spaces, or if it is just cover for an instinctive dislike of ace people.  Regardless, it’s something to think about.  To quote the first masterpost linked at top:

“Nobody is trying to say that asexuals have it “as bad” or worse than gay or trans people, but we don’t HAVE to “have it worse” to be included and for our experiences to have merit without being compared to anyone else’s. Let me say that again: our experiences have merit without being compared to anyone else’s. “

Anyway thanks for your question!  I don’t know if this helps or changes your mind on the topic.  Please reach out if you have any other questions about my experiences as an ace person!

[luke-skywalker-is-trans]

For the trans ask game, can I cheat and just say all of them.. because I am a very curious person and I want to know it all (or just the ones you feel like doing!)

Aaah yay thank you!!! I really loved this ask memeHow did you choose your name?So I had been using a different name for like a year when I first came out and I just wasn’t feelin it y’know??? Jason is close to my dead name so I knew my parent would appreciate that cause they love my dead name a lot. But also (and this is dumb forgive me) Jason Todd and Jason Grace were characters that I loved and identified with and I just sorta felt drawn to the name :)What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)Uuuuugh 100% how short I am 🙄 I hate it so muchDo you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria? Physical :P I’m short with a phat ass and thicc thighs and it’s a messWhat do you do to perform self-care when you're feeling dysphoric?This is probably more aggressive than typical self care but I force myself I stare at myself in a mirror and find every masculine thing about myself and focus on thatWhat was the first time you suspected you were transgender?I was around 7 I think and I was at the lake with my parents and a bunch of their friends. So my mom and all the wives were at the front of the boat and my dad and all the husbands were off the back of the boat! For some reason I identified a lot more with the men of the group and I have this weirdly clear memory of being really jealous of their armpit hairWhen did you realize you were transgender?I didn’t have a word for it but there was an episode of House where a little “girl” came in because of abdominal pain or something and they found out the kid was intersex and gave them the choice to live as a boy because of their genitals being more “male” or whatever and they did it! And I remember watching that as a kid and hoping that I would wake up one day and have a penis or a doctor would one day be like oh whoops! We messed up! You’ve been male this whole time! I was probably like 8 or 9 when that happenedWhat is your favorite part of being transgender?Belonging to a community where we are all united by this similar experience :) it’s like a familyHow would you explain your gender identity to others?I’m a guy like 100% How did you come out? If you didn't come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?I slowly came out over a few years. I sat my mom down and told her and we cried and it was a mess, I sent my dad and step mom a 80+ slide PowerPoint, I sent emails to certain people! Fortunately I’ve never been outedWhat have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?I ordered a packer a few years ago and it was so bulky and awkward and I just looked like I had a huge boner so I never worse it again 😂What are your experiences with binding or tucking?I’ve been binding since high school and my ribs are a little warped because of it :P luckily my chest is already pretty small (like a cup small) so I’ve gotten away with not binding in public if I just wear a big hoodie or shirt. Do you pass?About 99% of the time I do! But every once in a while I get called ma’am and I wanna dieWhat (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?I want top surgery so bad I wanna screamHow long have you been out?For about 8 years :)What labels have you used before you've settled on your current set?Ugh all of them basically! Lesbian, gay, pan, ace, bi. I’m the entire acronym lolHave you ever experienced transphobia?God yes 🙄 I had a boss at a job in college who would dead name me constantly and when I’d correct him he said if I wanted to “play make believe” I could do it on my own timeWhat do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?I’ve been exclusively using the men’s room for about 4 years nowHow does your family feel about your trans identity?Well I haven’t spoken to my mom in 3 or 4 years soooooooooBut my dad is cool with it!!Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?I don’t think I know what this meansWhat do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans? I wish I could just tell my self what being trans is cause my biggest problem as a kid was that I just had no idea this existed Why do you use the pronouns you use?I use he/him because they’re traditionally masculine or male and they make me feel like a man :)Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?Sometimes my anxiety is like lmao you’re faking for attention or whatever and I’m like ???? I’m literally not What's your biggest trans-related fear?Being killed first off. But on a less extreme level, I’m terrified of being with a person romantically and they just treat me like a girl or like I’m not a real boy and tbh this has already happened to me a couple times. I just don’t want it to happen againWhat medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?I’ve been on T for three years now, I’ve been going my Jason for about 6 years, I present as male 100% of the time and in all of my work and school stuff everyone calls me jason and uses he/himWhat do you wish cis people understood?That I was never a girl, I wasn’t “born a girl” and then became a boy. I was born a boy but because of my body people just assumed I was a girl but I wasn’t and never was and never will be. Also you don’t have to be bi or pan to be attracted to me. If you’re attracted to men you can be attracted to meWhat impact has being trans affected your life?I’ve lost most of my family and I’m low key terrified all the time about being hurt or rejected because of itWhat do you do to validate yourself?Same mirror thing lolHow do you feel about trans representation in media?Well most of it is hell problematic and we deserve so much better. As a trans actor it especially pisses me offWho is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?I read Chaz Bono’s book my freshman year of high school and it really helped me understand a lot of things when I was first coming outHow are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?Not as much as I would like to be :(How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years? Hopefully by then I’ll have had top surgery! Still presenting and identifying the way I do nowWhat trans issue are you most passionate about?Free or affordable access to medical transition stuff like hormones and surgeries. Also as an actor trans representation in the mediaWhat advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?No one is worth your comfort. If someone stops loving you because of your identity then they don’t love YOU they love their idea of youHow do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?I’m thin and white and I recognize my privilege with thatWhat, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?I love makeup and “feminine” fashion and shit like thatDo you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?Masculine but I love fem things so 🤷🏻‍♂️What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?I’m bi with a leaning towards men! I dunno it’s kinda whateverIs your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference? I’ve dated two trans people and one cis persona and I totally preferred dating trans people just because they understand feeling cis people just dontHow did/do you manage waiting to transition? God it was horrible. I found my diary from when I was like 17/18 and all it was was me talking about how if I don’t get to transition I’d dieWhat is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things? Tumblr probably, also Twitter. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?I have one whole trans friend that I actively talk to :’) but I really value her friendship so muchAre you involved in any trans-related activism?Currently no but when I move to New York I plan on being more involved!Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.When I came out to my dad I slept for 9 hours and he said it was like I could finally breath relax and rest after holding everything in for so long

[p-r-i-c-e-r]

ayyy @hallow-yeen​ tagged me so i figure i’d answer it

How did you choose your name? i wanted to keep the same initials so i went with an “m” name and basically just went from there and got Marceline, which probably also subconsciously came from adventure time lol, and my middle name is from my trans friend in high school who picked it out lol

What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)

my voice fucking makes me want to die extensively, also body hair

Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

probably a mix of both, my face and body are the physical, my voice and way i talk sometimes is probably the social What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

nothing really, i don’t have many coping methods :( What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

well idk really, but like i know as i kid i always wanted to play with girl stuff but got told not to When did you realize you were transgender?

probably early/mid sophomore year of high school cuz i found out that being trans was an actual thing What is your favorite part of being transgender?

i dont have to fake my existence as much as i used to lol How would you explain your gender identity to others?

trans woman, i’m a girl!!!!!!

How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

i made a long ass facebook post and then told my mom when she got home What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?

uh none, i mean i wear a bra sometimes and i stick extra bra pads in them but idk if it even looks different What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

tucking isn’t too bad but it gets annoying when something slips out of place, also i tucked for like almost a week straight and my dong hated me lol Do you pass?

not in any way, shape, or form What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

i want to at least get electrolysis, possibly hormones, an orchiectomy cuz i know i’ll never afford a full transistion but i can at least feel a bit less dysphoric, and very unlikely, but i also would like vocal surgery How long have you been out?

idk maybe 4 years i think? What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

uh i think it’s just been trans lady, but like obvs before that i thought i was cis Have you ever experienced transphobia?

yeah, i was at a conference for key club (basically a huge group across my state) that was all weekend long, and two girls laughed and stared at me judgingly at the dance and i couldn’t get out because i was in a crowd of probably 200 people.  i also got called slurs, misgendered, and deadnamed a lot in high school What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

i almost always go to the womens restroom, but if i dont feel safe, i look for a unisex, and worst case i go to the mens and use a stall How does your family feel about your trans identity?

mom seems cool with it, her bf seems cool with it, my legal guardian who took legal care of me growing up and her husband aren’t great, but they try, my grandma was apparently cool with it but i haven’t got a chance to just talk to her about it one on one, extended family idk, probably not great but i know a few of them are very sweet so probably okay Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

no, i don’t want to hide who i am, the only time i ever sort of stealth is with legal documents and all that bullshit, so hopefully a legal name change will help with most of that What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

i’d tell her to be herself, don’t let other people control what you like, be forceful!!! make yourself heard when people try to suppress you! Why do you use the pronouns you use?

because i’m a girl and i love being referred to as such~ What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

being murdered or attacked physically, also being pubically called out in a bathroom What do you wish cis people understood?

I just want to be respected, i want them to understand that we are more than just genetics and genitals, read scientific studies, they literally almost all back us up as the gender we identify with you fucking idiots How do you feel about trans representation in media?

really bad, but shout out to griffin mcelroy for making lup, she means so much to me Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

hgggg, probably bree from MsBreezy on youtube, she’s a sweety~

Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

probably my friends and gf!!!!!!!! but like chelsea manning comes in second place lmao~

How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

uhhhhh i have trans friends online, but that’s about it What trans issue are you most passionate about?

Hey maybe stop saying we’re a mental illness, that’d be great What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

i’m grey-ace pansexual, and i'm kinda biromantic? but i lean mostly towards lesbian Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

i’d prefer a trans partner, but i’m sure there’s a few good cis peeps out there How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

i can’t handle it, i just want hormones and to modify my fuckin body Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

i have like one trans friend irl, also my cousin just came out as trans!!  but i dont have a way to contact him Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

i reblog shit when i can, but that’s the extent of it rn sadly :( Ask me anything!

imma tag some peeps this who may wanna do this, but if you dont wanna thats okay!!! @sadgayvamp @maxinima

[lovenotesuggestions]

anyone know what to do when you like a guy and you dont know if hes gay/bi and youre a trans dude but he thinks youre a cis guy even though you dont really pass... i think he might like me back but he might be straight and not realize that hes acting kinda gay.. idk how to tell him im trans without it being weird 🤢😭rip

I’ll preface this with a disclaimer that I’m not a trans guy so I can’t say any of this from experience, and my partner already knew each other’s trans status before we got together and knew each other before we came out. Other blogs who might be able to give you more insight include @trans-guy-positive @gaytransmen and @transguysuggestions off the top of my head (this obviously isn’t an exhaustive list- there are dozens of incredible blogs on this website centred around trans guys), but if any of my followers have any helpful advice or know of any resources, both on the sexuality and gender identity issues, feel free to send in an ask or reply to this post!

I’ll put this under a cut because it’s quite long.

I’m sorry you’re in this situation! Dating as a trans person can be difficult, but you aren’t obligated to disclose your trans status to anybody. Obviously it’s something that will have to come up sooner or later in a committed relationship- in my view, it’s important to be honest and open with committed romantic partners, and having the support of a partner can be very helpful, as well as it being relevant if you plan to have a sexual relationship etc. BUT that being said, you aren’t obligated to give someone a disclaimer that you’re trans before entering a relationship- if they’re the right person for you, then it won’t be a deal-breaker. That being said, I can completely understand the desire to disclose that before you get with someone, so that telling them doesn’t cause avoidable issues in the future. 

It’s ultimately up to you and what you find comfortable. A good way to test the waters is to bring up trans people in conversation- Chelsea Manning for instance has been in the news a lot recently, or show him pictures of any trans actors/celebrities/youtubers etc. you know of to see if he finds them attractive regardless of being trans (best to do this in a lighthearted way, maybe as a “wow xyz guy is hot, you wouldn’t know he was transgender” or something like that, presuming he knows that you aren’t straight.) Also, if you have any mutual friends who you feel you can trust, you could ask them if they know anything about his views on trans people, and pass it off as you having a trans friend and wanting to make sure it wouldn’t be weird if you invited them to something, etc. These kinds of testing-the-waters sort of conversations can give you a better idea of how he might react to you coming out to him, and better inform your decision on whether you want to do so. 

If you do decide to tell him, it’s best to do this alone, but in a public place, such as a park or a bus stop, somewhere that either of you can get away from if need be, and being in public but somewhere a little private is a good precaution just in case it does go badly- people are less likely to freak out if others will see them doing so. Again, I would say refer to other trans resources for more help on coming out- there are a lot of great trans male youtubers with videos about coming out, such as jammidodger and Sam Collins- I’m sure there are plenty of others too, but this is just off the top of my head. It’s good to be direct, and be prepared with resources or information if he’s not totally up on what it means to be trans. But also try not to make too huge a deal out of it- if you bring it up as a kind of “By the way, I wasn’t sure if you were aware, but I’m actually transgender, and I wanted you to know. Being trans means xyz, I’ve been living as male since xyz time, but it doesn’t change the person I am, it just means the doctor said the wrong thing when I popped out and I’m working on fixing that” etc., it won’t seem like a massive thing that your friend needs to make a big deal out of, or at least in theory that should be the case. 

As for the sexuality thing, I’d once again advise a low-key approach to this. This once again isn’t my area of expertise because I have a super queer friend group, but a simple litmus test is once again, talking about xyz male celebrity or influential figure and asking him if he thinks they’re hot, and if he says yes, dropping a casual “so you into guys then?” If you live in an area where it’s not super accepted to be gay, it’s a good idea to once again do this in a private space, and perhaps offer up the information that you aren’t straight, which might make him more likely to trust you with info about his sexuality. But obviously this is by no means the only way you can do this, how you go about it depends on how close you are as friends and your level of comfort- do what feels appropriate. 

Once again, I invite any followers who might have any advice or any relevant stories to send them in, they might be of help!

Good luck, I hope everything works out in your favour!! 💕

[semiconducting]

some sexuality talk because ive been reminded of it lately

so as of right now i currently identify as being bisexual. like. just plain bisexual.

but somethin about it doesnt feel right still.

like when i realized i Wasnt Straight (when i was literally 12) i thought hey know i think im panromantic asexual! i dont like thinking about sex its icky but i wouldnt mind dating anybody!

and then after a while it sunk in that i wasnt really pan because i just. dont have a whole lot of interest in men. like there is a slight attraction i guess because i have had crushes on guys in the past. but im not sure if thats a heternormativity thing and i just couldnt distinguish between romantic and platonic feelings.

and its not like ive had a crush on a guy since middle school. everything afterwards has been fictional characters or celebrities so.

so yknow, i was biromantic asexual. i never once questioned the asexuality thing that was the thing that was Right.

and then in a bit romantic feelings were so weird. i felt it sometimes but not always? and it seemed like i was more in love with the idea of a relationship because when actually considering a relationship i always got scared and didnt like it.

grey-biromantic asexual.

and yknow i was one of those aces. sex is gross! i dont wanna see that pda bullshit! 

but at the same time? by “pda” i meant straight people like sucking each others faces off and feelin up each other in public like. i never really went to the extent Some People do and act like hand holding or hugs (esp for wlw/mlm) was Just As Icky.

and the “sex is gross” thing. sex was just gross about me. i didnt care if other people liked it, or even talked about it (so long as it wasnt like. in a situation/environment where its Completely uncalled for if you know what i mean?). that’s their business and i’m glad if they enjoy it. it’s their choice and just be safe about it! doesnt affect me at all.

like i still feel some of the same stuff in that i dont really like sexual comments directed at me, some of that may be a rejection of sexuality in a hypersexualized society, some of that may be personal body dysphoria as well, fear of a relationship (especially a sexual one), etc etc

but sex jokes? talking about it? fine. i didnt care much.

and then the ace discourse whatevers popped up on tumblr and i just. really did not like that bullshit. so i separated myself from the ace community and publicly identifying as such. i didnt want to be associated with that, all the homophobia and acting so oppressed in places where nothing was really there. i was ace nonetheless.

also i frankly dont want to dive into my stance on it so let’s skip that.

anywho. so im bi right? always been. 

and then, yknow, things sat for a while, and i thought about it and realized that the asexual label just doesnt feel right anymore? like. i still dont like sexual comments. im scared of the idea of a sexual relationship. as a dfab person im still vehemently against hypersexualization.

but also i just realized it wasnt that simple? am i attracted to other people sexually? i dont know really. but its not that strict and also i dont? need to specify it? its not anyone’s business except my own and perhaps a potential partner’s. 

and its been really difficult coming to terms with that. i feel so dirty. i feel like not being Completely Against Me Having Sex and Feeling Sexual Attraction is just...like i was lying. for attention for all those years of calling myself ace. i feel like i betrayed myself because this is how ive identified for so long

so its just. trying to recognize that the incoming feelings about sexuality is complicated but....okay? its alright to feel this sort of thing? i kind of looked at myself a little young on the sexual end of things and while that can work for some people it just. didnt for me. 

and im a strong advocate for labels change, people and feelings change, its totally okay for you to identify as something different than you once did

but its just one of those things thats ingrained yanno. ive considered myself a part of the ace community forever and its been such a part of how ive approached things.

and like, i know ive been obnoxious about it to some people on occasion. but those who come to mind are people that also loved to take my declaration of asexuality as a chance to shove sexuality back into my face when ive expressed discomfort so. :/ not that im right, but theres reasoning i suppose???

but yeah i dunno. distancing myself from the community was rather easy as ive never had a huge hand in it (not that i do with much in general, but i do post opinions about things and whatnot and im much more an advocate for lgbt rights publicly in general so?). its just separating myself from the label. embracing the sexuality as i grow older and recognizing that it’s okay. that it doesnt make my discomfort with sex any less prevalent, and my stance on sexuality in society and culture any less strong.

in general, like i said, its my business! and i dont think anyone particularly cares to hear about my feelings about sex in deep detail, nor do i need a label for it. so im just bisexual. 

but remember the heteronormative crushes and things we were talking about earlier?

that’s what’s ticking me lately.

ive seen a lot of posts on my dash recently about heteronormativity and how it affects lesbians in particular in recognizing their identity.

and like. god my feelings about calling myself a lesbian are really complicated.

like just to name a few

i’m afraid i’m doing shit for attention and im not Really a lesbian

im not really a girl, and i separate myself from femininity so much in favour of my gender identity so i can be a Real Nonbinary Trans 

i feel like im invading in the community, and that being sapphic/bi is enough to keep myself around other wlw

 it’s not like there arent nonbinary lesbians and im not denying that identity in any way shape or form, its just something for me

like, i always considered myself bisexual because im not a girl. but to people ive “come out to” in person, im a lesbian, because as far as they know im female, right? im not really into men, and i like girls, and that’s usually the quickest way to getting it across.

i think its just an issue of conflicting with my gender identity is all. which has also been recently a little less clear and defined than i thought. 

and its another one of those betraying my labels/looking for attention. im bi, and ive always been! so why should i change that yknow.

so thanks if youve read through this mess of me trying to make sense of my thoughts. 

[apokine]

Anna told me to do the whole thing so here we are I guess

How did you choose your name? IDK I just wanted to still have a name that wasn’t like ~weird~ but still unique 

What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria) even tho I got my tiddies removed i still feel kinda weird abt my chest if i’m not wearing a top lol…also a weird one but lipstick

Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria? social maybe? it’s just sort of there all the time so

What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric? what i always do when im feelin down - EAT LOTS OF FOOD

What was the first time you suspected you were transgender? uhhh i think the first time i suspected it as a like TANGIBLE THOUGHT was this one time when i was out w/ friends and had to go to the bathroom and i absolutely had an epiphany in the bathroom that i wasn’t a girl hahahahaha

When did you realize you were transgender? idk how this is different from the last one and i dont rly remember when it was that i like officially stopped thinking of myself as a girl

What is your favorite part of being transgender? other trans ppl probably. stay awesome, trans peeps

How would you explain your gender identity to others? mostly genderless, but i fluctuate around

How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed? im out w/ family/friends, who all found out in diff ways i guess? some ppl i just told, i also wrote stuff on tumblr & fb about it

What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been? no experience with either lol 

What are your experiences with binding or tucking? binding sucked haha i defo wore my binder way more than i should have and got that Big Back Pain so i eventually mostly stopped and then got my bops chopped off

Do you pass? nahhh (is it even possible to pass as nonbinary??? question for another day)

What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition? got top surgery, idk abt hormones cuz i dont see myself as transmasc and am not interested in looking Very Masculine but i would like to look Less Feminine

How long have you been out? uhhhhhhh year a half maybe???????

What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set? none, tho i wouldnt say i’m particularly ‘settled’ haha

Have you ever experienced transphobia? sure have

What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public? usually the women’s restroom, sometimes mens if it is more convenient

How does your family feel about your trans identity? mixed reviews lol, some of my family is super supportive, some of them are like “why are you doing this” etc

Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth? i mean i guess i’m stealth at work bc i worry abt my job

What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans? i wish that younger me just knew there were options i suppose

Why do you use the pronouns you use? I use they/them bc she/he felt too gendered for me and neopronouns just sound too strange to me personally. I respect and admire anybody that uses neopronouns bc those ppl are paving the way for future generations to have more options that are normalized tho. I just can’t do it myself cuz I have a big fear of standing out which is totally at odds with like everything I wanna be lol

Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender? i dont think so but who fuckin knows

What’s your biggest trans-related fear? NOBODY’S EVER GONNA LOVE ME

What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition? i feel like this has already been covered by previous questions

What do you wish cis people understood? that my gender isnt anybody’s business!! who cares!! 

What impact has being trans affected your life? idk honestly. dont know where to even begin trying to measure that

What do you do to validate yourself? well sometimes i like to argue with strangers on the internet 

How do you feel about trans representation in media? i love the increasing representation in the media and it makes me very happy to see being trans normalized and validated, but obviously there still just isnt enough good representation

Who is your favorite trans celebrity? angel haze maybe

Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most? hmmm well i think that trans people i know irl are the ones who have given me the most courage. when i see other people come out or change their name or use they/them pronouns or WHATEVER i’m like “wow if they can do it i can too”.

How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online? i wouldnt say im really involved w the community in any way aside from just being present here on tungle dot com

How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years? pretty much the same

What trans issue are you most passionate about? affordable & accessible healthcare!!! 

What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them? hey buddy i did it (am doing it?) and so can you

How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality? i feel like skinny white androgynous ppl are the ‘default’ nonbinary ppl which sucks. i esp feel the weight thing bc i feel like it really prevents me from being seen the way i want to be seen. on the class front, i feel fortunate that can afford surgery and whatever else i need

What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression? i feel like my gender expression is super feminine to other people. but to me i feel like my expression is pretty much aligned w/ my identity  

Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither? neither

What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it? sexual - idk i think i need somebody to figure it out and tell me. don’t really feel like labeling it right now, but sex is just not big for me. romantic - panromantic cuz i just like everybody. somehow much easier to figure out than my sexual orientation

Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference? no preference tho if theyre cis they better not be a douchebag about it

How did/do you manage waiting to transition? honestly i’m a huge procrastinator LOLLL. as long as i keep telling myself ‘haha yeah it’ll happen eventually’ i’m just like ‘cool so i dont have to do it NOW…’ as long as i have the knowledge that it WILL happen im like..i can wait. If I think abt the possibility that it might not happen I freak the fuck out…for a bit I thought it might not be possible for me to get top surgery (due to medical issues) and I was in panic mode.

What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things? idk i guess i learned a lot on tumbles

Do you interact with other trans people IRL? not super often, i mostly know trans ppl that are just like acquaintances or casual friends. our interaction is limited to liking each others instagram or facebook posts lol

Are you involved in any trans-related activism? nah tho i think it’d be cool

Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer. i refuse to make up my own question