#like i dont disagree that its hot. but its. better than the alternative for me

[satsuha]

summerrr........ its not over in my heart...... (says this every year)

[sirjustice86-blog]

In disagree with some kids conduct

Me if i grow up i will be the opposition leader and at that time i will not agree to your deals even give ya kids job, kebi, thats up to u, just be, it will help u with ya siblings and ya people. Me at dat time i will be pro-govt. Another say he will not repair my bike, well dont do that, u aint the bike repair ya self, i will take my kids bike to another repair retorts kebi and another one still says that i will be a worn out sufuria repair, well, just be, i will not repair ya sufuria as i will be the best at that time, i will take to another repair, u aint alone get that. Gimmicks employed 4 u to offer sympathy like sharing ya food cause they have known how gadget/machines are made not the way they think so cant employ that gimmick to survive. Kev text, even if u die the world will still continue as u cant stop the world business. Die we bury u, stop disturbing us with ya stupidity bro of wanting to fill ya belly, u hungry and wretched, desiring free things from people. If u go to Rusia mortuary, many kids of ya edge are laying helplessly on the shelves then who r u, die kid we bury ya, ya character is tiring and sickening period and moreover i did not take part i making ya, talk to ya govt to address the issue, when told a good nation must have like few people u oppose but right-now the truth has gotten u handy. Wanting to disturb hardworking people with disturbing kids, when they are thinking u r busy having sex to making babies u know not their destiny, better they die as death is the best justice. Question, how many have died and still the world has not come to a standstill? Die hommie, stop disturbance, we give ya a decent burial.

They want people to wear material cloths so u iron them like daily to increase ya electric power intake to increase the bill. When u do the above u r at holiday with them, with jeans or kaki or wash and wear they became like wild/mad with ya and thats the underlying truth bro. Govt gimmicks using criminals in their shortcomings.

https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1CHBD_enKE892KE893&sxsrf=ALeKk03iwWSkigRU1dK-ynC-YJKksmztJg:1585662564650&q=images+of+digital+power+meter&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj66piv7cToAhULHMAKHTqsCGsQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1280&bih=913

https://www.google.com/search?q=images+of+digital+water+meter&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwjC5Pmx7cToAhUL7xoKHW2uB5AQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=images+of+digital+water+meter&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQA1CdFFjzJ2CsLmgAcAB4AIABgQSIAd0PkgEJMi01LjEuMC4xmAEAoAEBqgELZ3dzLXdpei1pbWc&sclient=img&ei=akqDXsKHGovea-3cnoAJ&bih=913&biw=1280&rlz=1C1CHBD_enKE892KE893

The link above shows digital water or power bill meter, many nations have resorted from above and it gives room 4 tiny theft by speeding the pace at which the digits changes in many a household cause even its bought under phone at home in small denomination so hard to know and tell and the government of such nations are reaping huge out of this dude.

Like with Kenya they have created the corona virus so every kid at home watching tv, listening to Radio, playing PS or Ironing clothes as charging phones 4 their pals or theirs thus increase water or power usage as bill, when parents come back home they will not know of the discrepancy above but put blame on kids that they use more power but no pinch as can be paid on phone as little as a buck or 4 dimes or just $ 1. The power station or water has the capacity to increase like in 1 unit used they say its two to reap huge big. So my text is electric bill should be fixed 4 every household no-matter the usage and thats why many governments are rushing to even connect every household to electricity and even rapid rural electrification not left behind the money got from the dubious making of artificial poles luring gays they are from SA. When every1 at home it also increase cooking gas usage or buying of new handsets as phone usage by buying the airtime, going to clubs etc, so the curfew is seeing into what have been explained above but happy are we as we now got AE technology as No fuel Generators from like China to avert the power situation above. This once bought and installed need no extra maintenance fee  so eliminates ya from the hick-ups of rampant power surge and black outs as much as the dubious power games played by the govt which are open yet they refuse to hearken to the truth

Most plane or ships as boat get stuck or fall due to the failure of battery recharge system attributed by hitches in alternator as short-circuit, so raising the red light as effective on how it can be made, let the alternator be at the pilot or driver seating area where u can replace it by another waiting, like u can have 2 and it will solve the airplane accidents witnessed like every year. 4 example the gear that the belt is attached to rotate the alternator should be a long rod to the driver seat area where the alternator can just be inserted like gun bullets or grenade on the launcher like in the link below

https://nationalinterest.org/blog/the-buzz/why-militaries-the-world-over-still-use-grenade-launchers-23552

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1DH_6cHsGo

When u became good that town became cold or with snow as God thinks u r well behaved so needs less monitoring and vice versa and that why cities like Jo-burg or Atl witness snows and they resort to illegality to be hot with Nigeria cities they act good cause its hot to be cold but to no avail bro. God sees people in clear skies as opposed to humidity or fogy skies like in winter or cold lands and thats the gimmick dude

People whose lands are like 50% propelled by ports like Durban, Mombasa or Amsterdam are cry foul as with new plane technology that can even carry like 100 tonnes if fusible as the source technology it makes the carrying of goods in ships then getting them out again into trucks expensive, sources gets to airports or any empty land and off-loading done, so if u thought u r looking 4 huge port nations to go and benefit from like getting employed as it will never end think twice as much as with opening containers while on transit to still from many in a small way to make it big by combining, now we got coded locks as opposed to the seal which could be cut and another 1 replaced without the owner knowing and u get by, dude think twice ya plan now blocked as much as with the good which were factory made like machine eg cars, airplanes part, Tv or radios will be imported in minimal amount not as previous as the locals now got their brands to buy from even with decoders like dstv or direct tv have locally made competitors like with of Sa or Senegal and soon every nation will have theirs as they as well got that technology, lets u get stuck or blocked like in checkers. And i hope u know dat dude.

Anyway whats the essence with the curfew and even during the day kids have sex and intermingle, kwani at night is when they cant do the above. Its all hidden in the explanation above period.

What if finally it come to pass that not fake Ginger that has entered the nation but grown ginger cures corona? Question is will those affected be compensated by the police like the beaten ones. They had it in mind thus brought the fake ginger in the link below to discourage ya that ginger aint the cure so they benefit big time in setting a side money to combat the above and using their own grown ginger grinned in a blender then mixed with distilled water to cure the same, they smear red soil on the ginger to make u think they r grown

https://www.google.com/search?q=fake+ginger+in+the+kenyan+market&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiD5cPI77_oAhUOA2MBHbmrDOIQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1280&bih=910

If Tanzania is making choppers then they are making drones, to cement my truth explained in 1 of tumblr a/c following this 1, b4 lake Victoria was fenced they used to catch fish with it then fry and via Argentina get to the outer space then to the bottom of the earth the to a house in Louisiana which is rectangle but has wooden fence like in the song below and get out the vent and get into the USA to commit the atrocities explained above dude, many nations are just hiding their innovations

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UR2YR4yq6Y

https://www.google.com/search?q=tz+made+chopper+images&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjxzaWh8b_oAhWi3eAKHXUkDjEQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1280&bih=910

Mr trump is playing dice on the below, even their is a drop in usage of narcotics as many thought using such will liberate their mind and make them think or come up with gadgets that makes Mr oppressor tramples on them as they have known the hidden truth behind gadget making as explained in other tumblr a/c following this 1. M any nations want to stay afloat by capitalizing on this to still fund their empire. “Staying a float in the rainy days where their is no food as most food crops are destroyed in the farm like by heavy down pour or hailstone“ Pe not penis in local jargon or therluoji, king of the jew to cement the truth. Their is hunger, aketch, njaa out of the above

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3Xi6uvRUrM

https://www.google.com/search?q=trump+addressing+the+force+next+to+navy+ship&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjhk7Gq8r_oAhVx8uAKHYe9CxIQsAR6BAgJEAE&biw=1280&bih=910

Their deal now blocked as their negro counterpart has known how to make artificial tea, cocoa, chocolate, cakes or coffee which in the USA is sold as iced tea and in that nature dont spoil the teeth as hot tea. So they want to introduce iced tea in Africa as they introduced KFC to attract more African consumers to add to the Negro population to still stay afloat, even their markets in Mexico, Guatemala, belize, Nicaragua, panama has learnt the same even automation to shrink their market so resorting to dubious ways like the corona case with the police curfew. Stop dude, times up and get this straight u cant teach old dogs new tricks, back off me dude!!! Still u claim superiority, u r more superior than me, shit dude, people are the same period in anything dude. Still wanna lead the parade and be 1st, then, stop homie lest put up a fight, let it be a tag of war, Mr Hindu

Stop many words that people are trespassing into ya premise or business, use the cheap wireless cameras above and for identity crisis as people transfigure like in airports, schools or in businesses to manipulate things then employ the cheap finger print scanner in the link below as well

https://www.jumia.co.ke/zk4500-usb-fingerprint-scanner-black-zkteco-mpg172464.html

https://www.jumia.co.ke/generic-qc21-wifi-home-dome-camera-1080p-hd-wireless-ip-cam-indoor-security-surveillance-cloud-service-4307489.html

https://www.jumia.co.ke/amazon-cloud-storage-camera-291-series-wifi-cam-home-security-surveillance-ip-camera-26497806.html?seller_product=1

https://www.jumia.co.ke/generic-wintin-wireless-security-camera-ip-camera-wifi-home-cctv-camera-1080p-720p-audio-surveillance-p2p-night-vision-baby-monitor-cam-white-xinjin-14840698.html

https://www.jumia.co.ke/dahua-hac-t1a11pdahua-hdcvi-ir-eyeballdome-camera-white-27615447.html

https://www.jumia.co.ke/hikvision-cctv-camera-dome-with-night-vision-26497981.html

Now the temperature of like tea or coffee u r taking using the digital thermometer in the link below where if the beverage becomes cold tell ya wife or Girl-friend and vice versa to warm it a little bit until it reaches the temperature u desire not to spoil ya teeth or make ya teeth grow numb or maybe make ya over-sweet to make ya want to bathe again, while tired, b4 u retire to ya bed or talk a walk on the hot humid summer weather. Dude think smart but let it be twice bro. “The truth is right here with us and we cant hide or escape from it bro and thats the bottom line no kidding dude“

https://www.jumia.co.ke/generic-or-lcd-refrigerator-freezer-fridge-digital-thermometer-temperature-50-110-c-8911474.html

Looking 4 CV OR CV-S Store as corona virus is cv or locating the hurled Gold wanting free things bro, i now know ya period.

Traditions of a tribe like the jumping of masai at the airport goes along with poverty and sympathy, as the nations develops to became like among the 1st world it means traditions got no place cause now u r par eliminating the above, if u insist with the same it breeds spirit and that’s what happening in Kenya with the police beatings to signal ya the character of Big bodied people of not listening and the rampant shootings in SA as they still hold to traditions. If u insist on the above it means u want to trample on a certain tribe which can turn on ya like with the big bodied people above or like the luo tribe now starting say they are this and that to no end.

Corona virus has cure and its grown ginger, Kemri ought to have investigated this and tell people to stop the beating of grown ups who are anti-masai gimmicks and that’s what is monitored during the day then if u walk bad at dusk a rod on ya. They wanna make money with the sanitation placed to wash ya hands, its open dude, stop, like those soap bottles are taken back and more hand wash added and sticker place on them and sold again, even at the scrap metal base they opt 4 the same. Now they monitor how u eat, how much u spend cause the nation is poor as the gimmicks like making extra-key is now eliminated by combination padlocks in trucks along the way and businesses as well, so they brought the curfew so u buy food during the day to monitor the mentioned above cause at dusk u get along the roadside venders and u buy not known, so the curfew is to bar the vendors from selling to u or to bar u from getting into their houses to buy. Friends which nation is governed that way, it should be like national park and if u behave bad with food its your kins and friends to advice ya on the same period. Masai cant eat in people houses even if the bulk of the national cake made in their lands, the Govt ought to have come up with a law suit to take like 2-3 % of net pay of every civil servant to see into the above like people who are coming from those lands where like Tea, coffee, cement, horticulture are grown- to cater 4 their hunger so they don’t behave like the above that they have been sidelined cause its crystal clear civil servants are paid from the above. But now its too little too late as it now calls 4 separation among every tribe as they have learnt making gadgets and ammunition as well they can use against another and say its the police, u can collect made like guns in 1 base but in the dark somewhere they are still making, its just a sample bro. Separate the nation stop game among ethnic lines, can save the situation big time. I wont be writing everyday b4 u come up with again another gimmick, what next after corona dude, gangsters, answer me dude?

They culture corona virus place in conducive gas cylinders b4 transferring into like small perfume spray to facilitate the above which if u unearth makes the govt anxious to sent the police as the corona curfew deal is havocked.

What’s happening in Kenya we put the blame on ICC, cause its them who allowed the orchestrators of PEV to still be rulers to champion the above maybe after being bribed to facilitate the agendas of the Mr. Big Man as The White community. If u talk ill of the masai blooded they are unto ya at dusk if u walk bad marking ya cloth of the day u r wearing bro.

https://www.standardmedia.co.ke/article/2001358331/tuju-fights-sh1-5b-loan-case-ruling-by-uk-court

The link above represents areas where the said loving good life Mr. big man but somehow lazy, wants to invest by the cash gotten from the corona saga as explained above. Their plans are to get women which they will never get as other spheres have as well come up with innovations as I tell you to click the link to see and saying Kenyans where are you or just bickering, accept u r poor or it calls 4 violence against the govt cause is sickening and tiring dude!!! They plan to stay a float capitalizing cash gotten from this saga like buying E-motorbikes, buses and put them on roads as well as like medium ships to place into Lake Victoria to take people to Uganda and Tanzania promising huge reaps as profits. Folks we want to see their next over-ambitious plan or-else it calls 4 massacre period, don’t get me in a bind dude, I aint championing 4 violence but a better world 4 all on it and that’s my text dude. Get busy boy!!!!

Traditions don’t take ya anywhere like with the latest innovations below, their is nothing like playing orutu with the luo or planting ng'ou tree or jumping at the airport with the masai or bull-fighting with the luya or listening to lingala with tipsy mean claiming that’s why they are innovative or watching EPL it calls 4 creative thinking and that’s final dude and its impeccable.

https://pixabay.com/images/search/padlocks/

https://www.jumia.co.ke/door-locks/

https://www.jumia.co.ke/generic-home-security-3-combination-travel-suitcase-luggage-bag-code-lock-zipper-padlock-blue-12683044.html

https://www.jumia.co.ke/generic-dc-renz-door-lock-16913530.html

https://www.jumia.co.ke/generic-app-intelligent-password-lock-android-ios-app-unlock-anti-theft-security-combination-padlock-indoor-12947188.html

https://www.jumia.co.ke/generic-4-digit-combination-password-key-box-wall-mount-safety-lock-organizer-case-tool-9167530.html

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Combination-Padlocks/b?node=1938664031

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=combination+door+locks&i=diy&rh=n%3A1938664031&page=2&qid=1585383790&ref=sr_pg_2

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Fesjoy-Digital-Keyless-Keypad-Combination/dp/B083NYBTQ2/ref=sr_1_32?keywords=combination+door+locks&qid=1585383811&s=diy&sr=1-32

https://www.amazon.co.uk/AllRight-Digital-Button-Keypad-Locks/dp/B01ANF6LGS/ref=sr_1_17_sspa?keywords=combination+door+locks&qid=1585383811&s=diy&sr=1-17-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEzQTVLNjJKTkVKRFFNJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwMDk1NDQ4Mkw1UTNVOVM2NEdFSiZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwNzgyOTI2NzdUQkZLVUFWUVVBJndpZGdldE5hbWU9c3BfYXRmX25leHQmYWN0aW9uPWNsaWNrUmVkaXJlY3QmZG9Ob3RMb2dDbGljaz10cnVl

The repairs of old door locks are crying foul as with the digital combination ones which many opt 4 cause their is no duplicate with opening keys and no-repair as when u 4get passcode u buy a new 1 or when have hitches u do the same. If many replace them, it means the repairs above will be rendered useless and jobless unless they venture into another field altogether which as well proves cumbersome.

Manze ule mama mwenye anafanya Princeton University as library assistant, ule mkenya says Raymond sharply getting into kebi conversation, but kebi comprehends and says huyo, that 1 in English. Manze alinipa jobo katika ile hoteli karibu na hiyo shule, sikukuwa na do mtu wangu, vile alinipa, nilirukia, nikasunguwa nikasuguwa nikasunguwa, mtu wa mine and guess what ndiyo hiyo 30 bucks mkononi taslimu. A 1 hour job beste wa mine!!!!

Kwani wanataka nini, kana kwamba wanakuangalia kama nyama hanged kwenye butcher mtu wa mine. Kuna kitu jomba says Rodgers.

Choppers are 4 the poor sympathizers and any1 who owns or ride on such is known that way, the rich-man sympathizers ride on light aircraft pictured below. Choppies are book warmers and most are from the Ghetto, most rich kids are dummies and if any cleaver most have the paper previously which if captured and placed on a tumblr a/c with the index number then the subject name or abv then the whole exam stealing saga atrophies. I left banking along time and stop liasing with hooligans to like sturb me with a knife which they investigate if I have as well as the policeman in it as much as lecturers. Sudden death, die hard and make sure u die ya own death bro. If I got the knife they join hands and break it wanting me to buy another 1, u gay, fuck u, u glutton, we know the cloth u r wearing weather black or gray or the writtings, it will be used against ya like to eliminate ya by shooting ya from up above like from a chopper. Even if u die, now its better, we have known how gadgets are made, unless u know how to communicate with the devaura which if u don’t know we kill ya 1st, cause u r a bother but if u can we can give ya 2nd chance. Ya corpse taken if incase with rude kids, place under dough, plastic or glass bottle, old shoes, chaff, cereals or old clothes to make mini-misiles to follow big sent missiles like in the link below where in the dark they hurl like cold milk unto the above and boom an armoured mini-misile is formed. 4 rude strong bones adults they are used to make big trucks like in the link below

https://www.dreamstime.com/photos-images/missile.html

https://www.navistar.com/navistar/

https://www.kanyidaily.com/2016/08/first-ever-tanzanian-made-helicopter-to.html

https://www.123rf.com/stock-photo/light_aircraft.html?sti=lavfo1s78tadzwfxyh|

Coconuts when placed like in dough makes as well as Nofuel china generator and u can google that bro to see or the automated vending machines in the link below while dough placed like making mandazi with garlic inside makes smartphone or small gadgets like watches, pulse rate readers, thermometers etc. Phones as well can be made with cattle tongue under the hurl cold water unto them in the dark

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.safeboda.passenger&hl=en

https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Cheapest-price-WQ-48-egg-incubator_60290034675.html?spm=a2700.8293689.youMayAlsoLike.3.38c067affsfDH8

https://www.shutterstock.com/search/automatic+vending+machine

The above automated vending machines are dollar or Euro enabled as well you can talk to the manufacturer to make which can accept ya currency and even pubs atrophies as much as shops provided is like armored and seats are heavy to break and thereby u got wireless camera to monitor your like alcohol pub or ya shop. Make work easy don’t struggle with loss in business attributed to theft from timing customers and miscalculation give customer much than they want, don’t get me in a bind women “it aint ejaculation” but am talking about balance to the client maybe out of being tipsy or faulty machines like calculator The above is also done not to allow the boda boda riders create a pool conducive 4 hooliganism, make them not know each other but to be a 1 man guitar fail to which tantamount to warrant of arrest if the local police are prudent in their management period

Click the link below to get a glimpse of Jamaica made motorbikes

https://www.shutterstock.com/search/harley+davidson+bike

Click the link below to get a glimpse of 1st solar powered Tv from Tanzania, Kenyans where are u in this are bro, shut up dude, stop accuses and wanting free things lest u r silenced

https://plugintheworld.com/news/mobisol-launches-43inchtv/

https://www.mobisol.co.tz/packages/sts

Get a glimpse of Akon built city in the link below https://edition.cnn.com/2018/06/25/africa/akon-launch-crypto-city-senegal/index.html

1st solar powered smartphone made in kenya images in the link below

https://www.dotsavvyafrica.com/dotsavvy-launches-juasimu-the-worlds-first-solar-powered-smartphone/

Made in kenya solar panels in the link below

http://www.m-kopa.com/m-kopa-goes-made-in-kenya-with-pv-panels/

A man allowing police to cane him and just laughing as its pure jokes as corona virus medication is grown ginger period dude, “Open gimmicks dude amongst dignitaries not criminals“

If u opt to make ya own mini-ship to save as new 1 maybe expensive using the E-small car engine to propel it then the below digital speedometer will be of great help to ya in the link below or with ya made siren gas propelled machine like with cars or bus

https://www.jumia.co.ke/catalog/?q=digital+speedometer

https://www.google.com/search?q=images+of+digital+speedometers&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwirvI2Y-b_oAhUN8hQKHXGLBDQQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1280&bih=910

With ya made boat crossing the atlantic maybe from Dakar, senegal to NY USA u can use the direction compass in the link below not to get the other side and get lost all together but makes ya stay abreast in ya way untill u reach ya desired destination. You of little faith period

https://www.google.com/search?q=images+of+digital+direction+compass&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjKvcXC-b_oAhUJlhQKHd6QCycQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1280&bih=910#imgrc=WFv5mh9w7wpQuM

owhowo matek, stupid!!!!, the small nations after mexico is the gimmick they sell their artificial tea or coffee USA and mexico, they got star bucks there as well as MC Donald, Dillon, Walmart and more where they sell much of their iced tea products

Click the link below to get full information on Cameroon made bus yet nations like Kenya are still prouding themselves and looking 4 like tata bus company to set their plant in the nation. Kenyans where are u dude?

https://www.224digitalmedia.com/?p=9779

[panicked-nights]

Be my husband, I’ll be your wife {SIREN}

Things get a little serious on New Year's Eve.

Triggers: None

@attina-the-responsible​

PANIC Honestly Panic and Attima had more bad luck at town celebrations than they had good luck at them. That of course didn't stop them from dressing warm and heading out to see the acorn drop like it did every year. And just like every town celebration nothing stopped people from going out and seeing what there was to offer. It didnt stop Panic from tucking a small box into his jacket along with his phone either. Nor did it stop him from taking his girlfriend's hand and treating her to hot chocolate when they got closer to the stand. And it didnt stop him from kissing his girlfriend sweetly in front of everyone.  "This year is the year everything changes. New year different bullshit and better bullshit?" Panic teased taking her hand back into his.

 ATTINA: Attina loved New Year’s. Despite her rather pessimistic, anxious attitude, she was actually rather optimistic on the whole. And New Year’s was always a time to start fresh! That’s how Attina saw it. It was a time to leave the year before behind and look ahead. And there was plenty to look towards with excitement— Most prominently took the shape of Attina’s ever growing stomach, tucked up in layers tonight but still slightly visible if one looked closely enough (which was potentially on purpose.) She walked with a spring in her step, despite the unbalanced equilibrium, and smiled into the kiss when it was offered. "That sounds about right," she agreed with a little laugh, giving his hand a squeeze. "I am hoping for the better bullshit but you can never tell in this town. Any new year’s resolutions?"

 PANIC One could only hope for better bullshit and it wasnt like Panic could whisk Tina away like some people did. He would if he could. Convince her to explore the world and see everything she may have once dreamed of. He wished she could. As it was. Where she was was his home. "I'm just hoping for better bullshit tonight to be honest. I'd like a nice calm acorn drop.... wow did that actually come out of my mouth." Panic pretended to shiver pulling Attona closer. "Oh no I'm becoming sentimental."

 ATTINA: Attina laughed, stumbling into Panic’s side. "Oi, you’re going to make me drop my hot cocoa," she pouted at him, though she was still smiling and took a pointed little sip. "I don’t know if it is too sentimental to want things to go calmly. I always prefer that to the alternative." As she thought, briefly, of those alternatives, her free hand strayed down to the curve of her stomach, as it had been wont to do the past weeks.

 PANIC Panic isn't even hesitate as he steadied Attina. Her balance was off and he knew that and well she was precious in general but considering she was pregnant Panic was a lot more cautious as well. "At least dont drop it on me. I quite like this jacket." Panic teased putting one hand in his pocket flipping his phone around in his hand. "I think its sentimental when it never mattered to me. Most people expect the demon to thrive in chaos."

 ATTINA: Attina snorted and rolled her eyes a bit. Panic and his ~cool leather jackets. (Not that Attina didn’t like a good leather jacket, no no, they were very sexy.) "Well, most people think you-know-whats are monsters too, so—yay us! breaking stereotypes!" She rolled her eyes again, though this time not at Panic but at the world. It was the reason, in the end, it didn’t matter to her that Panic was a demon. Only in the confusing, technical, navigating a relationship with two people in one body kind of way did it matter. But otherwise: Panic was Panic. He’d showed her his heart and she trusted it.

 PANIC Panic grinned at her snort. It was very silly he knew but it made him smile nonetheless. Even if she was muttering about their stereotypes. There wasnt much that could be done about that. Panic wasnt someone who wanted to change the world. Just live in it peacefully. "I'd say we could be monsters together. But I feel like that doesnt sound as romantic outloud as it does in my head."

 ATTINA: Attina laughed at that, a proper out-loud kind of bark, gigglesnort-thing that had people looking at her from nearby. It wasn’t romantic, not really. A little over a year ago, she wouldn’t have laughed at all. She would not have found it very funny. But what were you supposed to do, when you lived in a world where you and the person you loved couldn’t reveal your identities for fear of swift and merciless persecution? "You’re starting to sound like Andrina," she warned him with a chuckle. "I think it could be romantic in its own way, I suppose." She tilted her head to the side as if thinking about it, but really she was just resting her head on Panic’s shoulder now. "Except I don’t think either of us are monsters. The world isn’t that black and white."

 PANIC Well at least if he wasnt being romantic he was being funny. That was all worth it. The funny thing was while Tina might not have seen them as monsters. Panic had grown up thinking he was one. Even now he thought he was one. "Please never tell her that I dont think either one if us will survive knowing we sound like one another." Panic joked though he moved his attention to the acorn drop. "I'll have to up my romance game then."

 ATTINA: Attina snorted a little, rolling her eyes for a third time. Of all her sisters, she was least concerned for any animosity that Andrina may harbor towards her boyfriend. And yes, she knew it existed. They were both very good at pretending it didn’t. Besides: Andrina knew Panic made Attina happy and that he was good to her. And, as far as Attina knew, Andy and Panic were on decent enough terms. It wasn’t like Attina’s past boyfriends, where everyone had commented on how terrible they were and predicted their inevitable doom. (To be fair: Paul has also escaped such venom.) But the thing was: Attina had always been aware her boyfriends were shitty. Being treated well was still a novelty to her and she did not take it for granted. Especially not now, when she knew she had to tread carefully and not demand too much of Panic, lest he collapse under more weight than she’d ever put on any of her previous boyfriends. It was partially this fear that made her hesitant to criticize Panic’s romance. Not that she would anyway—despite her hopeless romantic tendencies, Attjna didn’t demand much. She knew she was a basket case and also easy to please. A surprise bouquet of flowers would sate her romantic appetite for at least a month. And she did think Panic did a very good job, so it was only partially in interest of placating him that she disagreed. "I think your romance is just fine," Attina told him, snuggling against his arm. "Just give me a New Year’s kiss and I’ll be good until Valentine’s Day."

 PANIC Oh Panic didn't like that. He assumed it was a joke, but that didn't mean that he liked it all that much. He would never let up on the romance. Not when they had their daughter on the way too. "I'll let you think that's all I'm doing and then surprise you with something else." Panic planned on a lot of surprises in the future. Attina deserved the world and while he didn't know if he could give it to her, he would try. "Do you have any resolutions for the new year?" Panic asked turning them to walk among all the New Years decorations.

 ATTINA: Attina raised her eyebrows, but she wasn’t going to complain about her boyfriend insisting on being romantic. She wasn’t going to expect much romance—or try not to anyway—but she also wasn’t going to say no. "Alright, I suppose that’s acceptable," she teased him as they started walking. They strolled, Attina distracted by all the twinkling lights that had been up since before Christmas, until Panic spoke again. "Hmmm," she hummed. "Travel, maybe. Though, I suppose that��s not realistic with a baby in tow. But even just up to London might be nice, I haven’t traveled in so long. And—be a good mother, I think. I don’t know how to...quantify that but I want to try." She tried not to worry about being a mum too much, and she didn’t, not really, because she really had done it so much and knew she had a mothering nature, but it was already so different. "What about you?"

 PANIC Panic hadnt really cared about twinkly lights before honestly his and Pain's apartment hadnt had a christmas tree the other yeara they were here either. But twinkly lights at Christmas that were still up at new years was perfect. And people disbursing to stay warm or get closer to the acorn drop just made the moment more perfect for them. "I want to be a good Father too." Panic started nodding at the very idea however they quantified it. At least they would be making a difference in her life. "We will have to try and make a trip out to Percy's family. They will want to see her as weird as that might be so there's some traveling." But things just for him. "I want to try learning a new skill. I'm not sure what yet but something I just do." Not connected to Pain or Percy.

 ATTINA: It was weird, but at the same time, Attina kind of liked the idea of it. She was used to a big family. And she wanted her daughter to be surrounded by people. An extra set of grandparents never hurt anyone. So, she just smiled and nodded a little at that and his next resolution too. "Ooh, that’s a good one. Like what? If you want to learn an instrument my family has you covered." She didn’t mention she could teach him, because she very rarely ever talked about her own musical talent. "Or Mellie has you for artistry. If you want sports, Aqua. Lana could teach you photography. Andy can show you how to hack. We’re a regular Von Trapp family." A joke she made a lot. What? It was true!

 PANIC That was a lot of options. Ones he hadnt even considered. Well I already started to learn BSL with Adella so that wouldnt count. Maybe something calm like drawing would be interesting. I dont even know what instrument would be fun to play and Idont want to be the typical man who only learns the guitar cause it looks cool." PANIC explained getting them finally to the perfect place where the lights dipped around a park bench. A lovely little halo of lights. "Do you wanna sit at all? We will be on our feet for the rest of the night at this rate. "

 ATTINA: Attina could give him a whole list of options: piano maybe most suited to those dexterous chef fingers, but there was nothing wrong with a solid guitar. There was also more complicated choices like a sax or harp, but those were instruments you grew up with. Ones that you understood with the innate sense of a native language. "Uhm, hm—maybe. I’m not incapable of walking long distances yet, though." She said this even as she took a seat, pulling him down next to her. She kissed his cheek. "We can’t see the ball drop from over here, we’re going to miss it." Even though it was still a while off, Attina didn’t know the exact time, she’d been ~living in the moment. Another, more secret, resolution of hers.

 PANIC No Tina of course wasn't incapable of walking distances yet but he wanted her sitting so he'd pretend if he needed to. Still he sat with her glancing around and once down at his phone careful to keep the box where it was. While he couldnt make sure everyone was where they needed to be he had the right time and he had to trust that everyone else would as well. "I think we've got a solid hour at the very least till we need to get closer. Do you wanna know another resolution of mine?"

 ATTINA: Attina briefly glanced down at Panic’s phone as he pulled it out to check the time. He was right, they had plenty of time. Which was nice, both because the decorations were beautiful and also, okay, maybe her feet hurt a little. The dreaded swollen feet soon on the horizon. Attina had made a pact with herself not to complain about the maladies of pregnancy post-morning sickness finishing. Good Vibes Only. And, really, she didn’t much feel like complaining anyway. She thought it was pretty amazing, even if she would detest the stretch marks and ultimate damage. She was not immune to mermaid vanity. However, she wasn’t really thinking about that—or much at all—simply enjoying the quiet and the buzzing anticipation of the new year. At Panic’s question, Attina tilted her head a little, for the first time sensing something might be up. "Of course," she told him, curiosity glinting in her eyes. "What is it?"

 PANIC Honestly Panic had this ring for a few months now. Had glanced around even sooner than that. Just in case something perfect came up. It wasnt hard to get Attina's ring size. Not when she had 6 sisters and he knew all of them. So he was prepared. He just wanted to make it special and it felt pretty special having it done just before new years with Lana ready to take pictures and the most if not all her sisters hovering somewhere in the general vicinity. He had done all that he could to make sure it was as special given the current situation. So with her question Panic twisted around so he was kneeling on one knee infront of her and finishing out the box from his jacket pocket opening it to a simple gold band with green and white gems. "I was hoping I could be a good fiance as well. I know we've done a lot of things backwards but Attina I've known you're the one for me since the moment we met and we were fake married for a week. I know I would have proposed to you given the chance and I know I want you in my life for however long that might be. I love you with all my heart and everything that I am. Will you marry me?"

ATTINA: For someone who had imagined this moment her whole life, when it finally came, she was a little slow on the uptake. In her defense: she was expecting a resolution, not a proposal! The reality dawned on her a little late and for the first few seconds, she only stared at Panic, then dropped her gaze down to the ring, which twinkled prettily in the festive lights. When her gaze flicked back up, her eyes were shimmering with tears and she covered her mouth with a hand. The words Panic spoke were somehow perfect—leaving not an ounce of doubt in Attina. Not in that moment. Her insecurities had slipped away like a school of fish, spooked by the surety of Panic’s love. She smiled and then nodded—and then, forgot to say anything. "Oh! Right! Yes! Yes, definitely yes!" she told him, her legs bouncing slightly with excitement before she leaned forward to throw her arms around his neck, almost knocking them both off balance.

 PANIC Panic had learned a lot of things about his girlfriend in the months they dated. Broke up and dates again. He knew the quirks and he knew sometimes how her mind worked. He knew that she would say yes. Even as the seconds slipped by waiting for things to process in her mind. ( of course he knew she would say yes he wouldn't have mentioned it to her family if he wasnt) He was quick to wrap his arms around her when she hugged him. Now that was the reaction he was expecting. Or well he was expecting to be knocked on the ground by her. "Well let me put this ring on your finger then so the whole world knows you've said yes."

ATTINA: For the record: under other circumstances, Attina definitely would’ve knocked Panic to the ground, but she couldn’t exactly do that at this angle from sitting on the bench—she was already smooshing her stomach enough just leaning over to hug him. Not that it was painful or anything, the angle was just wrong for a full on tackle-hug. However, she liked to think she squeezed him tight enough to make up for it. So intent on the hugging was she that Attina had forgotten about the ring, honestly. Which was part pregnancy-brain and part oh-my-neptune-I’m-engaged!-brain. But Panic was right, it wasn’t official until she got the ring on her finger. As soon as he mentioned it, she popped back and smiled wide, tears now bubbling over the lids of her eyes. She’d like to blame this on hormones too, but absolutely no one would believe her. She wiggled her fingers at him until he slipped the ring on and she held it up to admire it in the light. Attina loved her jewelry, she wore plenty of it: rings and bracelets and necklaces and earrings. Jewelry was a large part of mermaid culture and engagement and wedding rings were actually something the human world and mermaids shared. (Though both sexes wore them and on a different finger.) She’d never worn something on her left ring finger, though, leaving it for that special piece of jewelry. It felt a little funny on her finger but she just twisted her hand about in the light, admiring it. “Ooooh, it’s perfect!” she declared and then leaned over to kiss him, her left hand coming up to cup his jaw as she did so.

 PANIC Panic loved the blubbering tears in Attina's eyes. She was emotional and he was her rock. But that didnt stop his eyes over with tears as he smiled at her. Admiring the ring on her finger before taking her face in his hands so even if she hadnt brought him in for a kiss he would have kissed her. "Fair warning your sisters are around here so play nice." Panic whispered when they separated glancing around for them briefly before returning his gaze to his fiancee.

 ATTINA: The kiss was sweet and good. Full of promises and resolutions and the future. All things good. Even the quirk in all her furious planning (now she had to add a wedding to buying a house and baby stuff!!) wasn’t a problem. Not at all. If anything—it made her excited. She could easily make room for being a wife. For having a husband. When the kiss broke, she was still smiling and crying and giggled a bit as she caught sight of the tears glistening in Panic’s own eyes. She scrunched her nose playfully at him, her smile getting even wider. Her sisters were here?! "They knew?! Those bitches,” she hissed, but didn’t mean it at all. She leaned in and kissed Panic again. “Oh!” The kiss broke. “Are there pictures?!" She gave a delighted squeal and popped up off the bench, dragging Panic with her. “C’mon! We’ve got to go look! Oh! And tell Daddy! And tell Alex and Piper and Simba and Nala and Ella and—post on Instagram!" she said all in one breath.

[wistfulcynic]

Their Way By Moonlight: Emma (Chapter 4)

Notes: Thank you as always for your comments and feedback, though I confess I've been a bit taken aback by the vehement reaction to Emma and Walsh's cursed marriage. It seems that people hate Walsh in a much more visceral way than I anticipated.  

I do truly appreciate all of you who are reading this, and especially those who have made supportive and encouraging comments. I’m really putting a lot into this one in terms of style, plot, and detail, and it’s hard not to get discouraged when I pour blood and sweat into something only to have everyone focus on one tiny thing. So to ease your minds, here is our first chapter from Emma’s POV. I think it will go a long way towards assuaging your fears about her circumstances under the curse. If you are considering bailing on this fic because of the Emma/Walsh situation, I would ask you please to read this chapter before you make a final decision.  

As before, there are allusions to cursed relationships, and a potentially distressing scene of aggression within a cursed marriage. 

Summary: A new curse has fallen on Storybrooke and this time the Saviour is trapped inside it, deliberately separated from her son and anyone else who might help her break it. But what no one knows –including her own cursed self– is that she and Hook are soulmates, working together within their shared dreams to find a way to break the curse and free everyone from the clutches of evil yet again. (Alternate 3B, set in the What Dreams May Come universe)

Rating: A hard M

Tagging: @teamhook @wellhellotragic @rouhn @kmomof4 @resident-of-storybrooke @darkcolinodonorgasm @jennjenn615@tiganasummertree @let-it-raines @bonbonpirate @thejollyroger-writer @lfh1962

Anyone wishing to be added to or dropped from this tag list, please let me know!

Read it on AO3

Emma: 

Emma hesitated outside the door of the old cannery. She wasn’t quite certain of why she was there, or the reason behind the irresistible compulsion she felt to see its disconcertingly attractive new owner again. He had invited her to come by, though of course he’d meant later— the bookstore wasn’t even open yet. But Emma hadn’t been able to wait. Two days had passed since they’d met, since that brief but oddly intense conversation in Granny’s, and she had been unable to get Killian Jones and his son out of her head. Something about them, about him, pulled at her, and it wasn’t just his striking looks, not even the beautiful blue eyes with their expression of profound, compelling sadness. It was something deeper. She felt somehow as though she knew him, and more astoundingly that he knew her, better than anyone, better even than her own husband. Although, she thought with a small start, as though the idea had only just occurred to her, Walsh barely even took the trouble to speak to her these days, much less keep up with what was going on in her life. She’d been meaning to talk to him about that, she remembered suddenly. Yes. She’d been meaning to talk to him about a lot of things, but when the time came to do so she always seemed to forget. Tonight, she promised herself, making a mental note. Tonight they would finally talk. She wouldn’t forget this time.

Gathering her courage, Emma reached for the doorknob with her right hand, the palm of which still tingled from her brief handshake with Killian two days ago, and as she opened the door she remembered how the night before last her sleep had been troubled by disturbing dreams. She could recall only wisps of them, but she was certain he had been in them, he and his eyes, doing things to her that she couldn’t bear to think about in the light of day. Things she couldn’t bear to admit she had loved. 

She really should stay far away from him. And yet here she was, in his shop. 

She pushed the door open and stepped inside, gasping at the sight before her. The room was simply lovely, bright and airy, with sunlight pouring in through the wide windows, dancing across the exposed brick walls and the antique looking dark-wood shelves that stood tall in four distinct sections around the room.  A heavy mahogany desk sat opposite the door, elegantly carved with nautical designs: ships and storms, mermaids and other sea creatures she couldn’t put a name to, all rendered in exquisite detail. Atop it was an antique metal cash register, as elegantly decorated as the desk, sitting alongside, Emma was amused to note, a decidedly modern portable card reader attached to an iPad. Someone had a taste for the ancient but enough sense to appreciate the modern, she thought.

She was so caught up in admiration of her surroundings that she didn’t notice Killian’s arrival until he spoke. 

“Swan?” The sound of his voice seemed to wrap around her, as deep and sonorous as she remembered, almost caressing her name. She turned to see him standing at the foot of the stairs. “What are you doing here?”

“Um,” she said, feeling abruptly hot and itchy. How was it possible that he could be even better looking than she remembered? Admittedly she hadn’t really had a good look at Granny’s, though she had definitely noticed his face, but now as he stood by the black wrought-iron staircase that wound in a perfect helix up to a hole in the ceiling, his expression briefly unguarded and searingly intense, she had an opportunity to ogle. 

He wore dark grey trousers in a soft woolen twill and an equally soft looking v-neck sweater in a shade of blue that made his eyes stand out even more. A tuft of dark hair peeked out just above the vee, and the itch in Emma’s palm flared to life again with the desire to touch it, to touch him. Everything about him seemed so eminently touchable. The sweater clung to his lean frame just tightly enough to show how fit he was, and his hair was tousled in a way that looked both deliberate and as though it could have been caused by fingers being run through it in the heat of passion. 

What? Emma shook herself. Where the hell did that come from? Remember you’re married. And it’s not like you know anything about the heat of passion, anyway. At least, that’s what Walsh always told her, what he always gave as an excuse for why he didn’t want to touch her. She was cold, he said. Too hard. Not enough. She forced back those thoughts, promising herself once again that she would sit down with Walsh that evening and discuss the problems in their marriage. She dreaded it, but she had to try. They couldn’t go on much longer like this. 

“Uh,” she tried again to respond to Killian’s question. “You said I should come by.” 

“So I did, though I didn’t expect you quite so soon. I’m afraid we’re not open yet.” 

“Yeah, sorry, it was stupid,” she said, turning away. “I was just passing and I thought— never mind, I’ll go—”

“No!” She looked back at him, startled at the vehemence in his voice. He flushed faintly pink and reached up to rub at a spot behind his right ear. “No, you don’t have to go. Please don’t, in fact. I’d be happy to, um, give you a tour? If you’d like.” 

He looked hesitant but also eager, like he really, really wanted her to stay. She smiled. It felt like a long time since anyone had actually desired her company. 

“Okay,” she said, a bit shyly. “I’d like that.” 

A bright smile broke across his face, warm and soft and with just a hint of something wicked beneath it. For a moment Emma forgot to breathe. God, he’s gorgeous.

“Well, why don’t we start here?” he said, coming to stand beside her and indicating the near corner of the room with his left arm. His sleeve was pushed up slightly and she could see the seam where his prosthetic hand joined his arm. She realised with surprise that she hadn’t noticed the other day that he was missing his left hand. He’s missing his left hand. Why did that fact seem so significant to her? It tickled at the back of her mind, like something she needed to remember but couldn’t quite pull from her subconscious. 

“So we’re still waiting on some inventory, but you can see the general layout of the shop,” he was saying. “Reference material is here at the front, with theory guides just here behind it. The practical manuals we have to be a bit more careful with, so they’re back in this corner, some of them will be locked in a special glass cupboard, available on request only. Then here in this corner we have the historical context.” 

Emma frowned, looking more closely at the titles of the books that already graced the shelves. Rare volumes, he’d said the other day, but these were all—

“These are books of magic!” she cried. 

“Oh, aye, did I not mention? That’s our specialty. Books of and about magic.”

She started to laugh, then trailed off when she noticed he didn’t join her. “But you’re not serious?”

“Very serious.”

“Books of magic.” 

“And about magic, aye.” 

“But— magic isn’t real.” 

“There are quite a number of people who would disagree with that assessment, Sheriff.”

“And you’re one of them?” Her voice was rife with disbelief.

“Aye,” he replied, and the sincerity in his face and tone were unmistakable. “I am.” 

She shook her head. “I would never have pegged you as someone with an interest in the occult. You seem so, I dont know, practical.” 

“Oh, I’m very practical, love, but that doesn’t mean I can’t believe in magic.” 

She wanted to deny his words, really it was so absurd, but she realised with another start of surprise that she was genuinely interested, almost despite herself, curious to the point of fascination. “Will you tell me about them?”

He exhaled deeply, almost as if he had been holding his breath waiting for her reaction, and gave her another dazzling smile. “It would be my pleasure.” 

Nearly two hours later they were sitting on the floor surrounded by books, and Emma’s head was buzzing with stories of witches and wizards, covens and cults, fascinating details concerning the history and practice of magical arts.  She felt like she had learned more in that short time than she had before in the whole of her life. Of course, her earlier education had been… it had been… what? She couldn’t recall. Frowning, she tried to remember where she had gone to school, the names of her teachers, fellow classmates, anything, but it was all a blank. 

“Emma?” She turned to see Killian looking at her inquiringly. “Are you all right, love?”

She should really object to that ‘love’, she knew, but couldn’t bring herself to. She liked it. It made her feel warm inside. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bit distracted.” 

He nodded, and reached out to close one of the books. “We’ve been talking for a long time,” he said. “Perhaps we could take a break?”

She watched carefully as he used the prosthetic hand to close the book. The hand moved, she noticed, clearly it had some sort of mechanism operating it, but he seemed to mange it awkwardly, as though not quite used to it. She wondered how long he’d had— “When did you lose your hand?” she blurted, then flushed. “Sorry, it’s none of my business.” 

He looked startled, then smiled. “No, it’s fine. It’s been so long, I don’t mind speaking of it anymore.”

“How long?”

“Oh, years and years.” 

“What happened? Er, if you don’t mind me asking.” 

“Not at all. It was stupid, really. I was young, I got in a fight. Over a woman. Woke up the next day with no hand.”

“I’m so sorry.” 

He shrugged. “Like I said it was years ago.” 

“Mmmmm.” 

“What is it, Swan?” He looked almost expectant, like he knew the gears were turning in her head and was excited to see what they would spit out. She felt again the odd, unfamiliar sensation of being the focus of genuine interest. He truly seemed to care about what she had to say, for no reason other than that she was saying it. 

“It’s just— well, you don’t seem very comfortable with the artificial one. If it’s been so long, I guess I would have thought you’d be more used to it by now.” 

“Ah, well that’s explained easily enough. I lost my hand so long ago that the prosthetics that were available to me at the time were, um, let’s say primitive. This one however is quite new. State of the art, they tell me. It works by interacting with the electrical impulses in my muscle fibres, apparently. So you see, until quite recently I had a much simpler one, and this one, while far better in many ways, is taking a bit of time to adjust to.”

Every word he spoke was the truth, she could detect no dishonesty in his face or manner, yet she sensed it wasn’t the whole story either. He was leaving out important details. And she wondered why. 

As he spoke he adjusted the prosthetic with his right hand, drawing her attention to the thick, engraved silver band he wore on its ring finger. A wedding ring? she wondered. It must be. A man with no left hand would naturally wear his wedding band on his right, wouldn’t he? Especially if until recently he’d worn a simpler prosthesis, one with no fingers. 

She wondered, and not for the first time, about Henry’s mother. Killian’s face when he’d spoken of her in Granny’s had worn for a brief moment such a devastated expression, her loss must still be fresh and painful for him. In a weird way that made her feel better about having sought him out and spent so long talking with him. She was married, he a grieving widower, what harm could there be in a friendship between them? She certainly wouldn’t have to worry about anything coming of the fierce attraction she felt for him. Even if he felt it too, he would never act on it. He was very obviously still in love with his wife, and Emma somehow knew beyond any doubt that he was not a man to betray those he loved. 

“So, um, it’s ah, lunchtime,” he said, scratching behind his ear again. “And it seems we both could use a break. Would you care to join me? For some lunch?”

“Sure, I guess. Where were you going to go?”

“I—, uh, we live upstairs,” he gestured towards the staircase. “The third floor is a loft apartment, I was just going to go up and make a sandwich.” 

Alone with him in his apartment. Emma’s heart thundered. “A sandwich sounds great,” she managed to say. “Can you do grilled cheese?”

His face twisted for a moment into the strangest expression, half blissful happiness, half like he wanted to cry. “I can,” he said, his voice hoarse. “It’s my son’s favourite.” 

“In that case, I’d love to join you.” 

The grilled cheese was perfect, exactly the way she liked it. She told him as much, and was rewarded with another half-delighted, half-sad expression. “I’m glad I haven’t lost my touch,” he said, almost to himself. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Grilled cheese is— Henry’s mother’s favourite as well,” he said quietly. “Since we lost her we don’t make it as often as we used to.”

Emma didn’t quite know how to respond to that, so she crunched her sandwich in slightly awkward silence as he busied himself at the stove, avoiding looking at him until he slid a cup in front of her. “What’s this?” she asked in surprise. 

“Traditional Jones family accompaniment to grilled cheese,” he replied. 

She picked up the mug and inhaled over it. “Hot chocolate with— is that cinnamon?”

“Aye. It’s a bit odd I’ll grant you, and if I’m honest I prefer it plain, but that’s how Henry likes it.”

“Seriously? You’re telling me your son likes cinnamon on his hot chocolate.” 

“Aye.” He seemed to be watching her carefully. 

“Grilled cheese and hot chocolate with cinnamon is my favourite lunch,” she said. “You’re basically telling me that I have the same tastes as your thirteen year old kid.” 

“Would it help if I confessed to an affinity for it as well?” he asked, his face deadpan but with amusement twinkling in his eyes. 

“It might.” 

“Very well, I confess it, but you mustn’t ever tell Henry. I’d never get him to eat a vegetable again if he thought he could wheedle grilled cheese out of me every night.” 

“It’s a deal.” 

The earlier awkwardness was dispelled, and as Killian sat down to eat his sandwich Emma sipped her chocolate —it too was perfect— making it last as long as possible. There was no way she could justify staying any longer once lunch was over, and she didn’t want to go. She felt comfortable with Killian, and happy, things she couldn’t remember feeling in a long, long time. Later she knew she would need to analyse these feelings, but for now she simply wished to feel them. 

When the last drop was finally drained she set the cup down on the counter, then realised it might be nice if she took it to the sink instead and went to pick it up again, at the same time as Killian reached for it himself. Her hand closed around it first followed a second later by his, his fingers linking with hers in a way that felt so natural that it didn’t even occur to her to question it, simply laughing lightly as they released the cup but not each other’s hands. His thumb caressed her bare ring finger. “You don’t wear a wedding ring,” he said softly. 

She could barely breathe her heart was pounding so hard, the gentle movements of his thumb sending sparks coursing up her arm, reverberating through her whole body. “Um,” she said, trying to think. “No, I — I have one of course, but I don’t wear it.” 

“Why not?” 

“Er.” She tried to remember. There was a reason, surely? “I can’t with— with my job. It gets in the way.” Yes, that must be it. 

“Ah.” Something in his tone suggested he didn’t quite believe her, but before she could reply he had released her hand and turned away, picking up the mug and putting it in the sink. 

“I like yours though,” she said abruptly. Where did that come from? 

“What?” He turned, giving her an odd look. 

“Your wedding ring.” She reached out and took his hand again, this time caressing the silver band upon the third finger with her own thumb. “It is a wedding ring, isn’t it?”

He cleared his throat. “Aye.” 

“Henry’s mother.” It wasn’t a question and so required no answer, but he gave one anyway. “Aye.” The sadness was back in his voice, this time untempered by any joy.

Emma smiled, feeling suddenly swamped by sadness herself. She felt such a connection to this man, unlike anything she’d ever felt before, and she hated to think of him hurting. 

Briefly she allowed herself a rare, uncharacteristic moment of self-indulgence to wonder what it would be like to be loved as devotedly as Killian loved his wife. To be loved even after she was gone. To have such an emotion, from such a man. Swallowing back tears, she looked up at him. “She had good taste. This is exactly the sort of ring I would have chosen.” 

“She’s an extraordinary woman,” he replied, his voice rough with emotion, his eyes blazing with it. 

Emma nodded, wishing she knew why that remark left such a clutching, squeezing sensation around her heart. 

“Well I should go,” she said, releasing his hand.

He swallowed hard then gave her a small smile, a tight, guarded thing that squeezed her heart again. He looked so sad. She wanted to see the bright, wicked grin from earlier. 

“May I see you out?” he asked politely, his emotions under control again. 

She shook her head, already moving towards the door. “No, it’s fine. But thanks.”

“Any time, love.”

Her hand was on the doorknob when he spoke again. “Emma.” 

She looked back at him, gripped by the wild, irrational hope that he might ask her to stay. “What about your husband?” he asked. 

“Who?” She frowned in confusion, then remembered. “Oh, Walsh.” Why had she forgotten him? “What about him?” 

“Does he not wear a ring?”

“Of course he does.” Didn’t he? “Why do you ask?”

“It’s just that you said ‘would have chosen.’” Killian’s face was calm, but that intensity was back in his eyes. 

“What?”

“Just now, when you looked at my ring you said it’s exactly what you would have chosen. Not what you did choose.” 

There was that confusion again, swirling through her brain and blocking her thoughts. Why couldn’t she think? “I— I must have misspoken.” She rubbed her forehead, which had started to ache. 

He was silent for a long moment before replying. “Of course, I’m sure that’s it. Goodbye, Sheriff.” 

Emma smiled tightly and left. 

When she arrived home that evening, Emma sought out Walsh in his study. He didn’t like her bothering him there but she was confused, her head spinning with questions that needed answers. She’d spent the afternoon in her office with the lights dimmed, nursing her headache and making a list of all the questions she needed to ask him, everything that was odd in their relationship and in her life. It was a long list. Why hadn’t she ever talked to him before? She’d been unhappy for so long…

“What is it, Emma?” Walsh’s voice was cold.

“I just— wanted to talk to you. About some things.” 

He turned and fixed her with the icy, probing stare that never failed to make her tongue-tied and anxious. She wanted to flee, back to the relative safety of the living room, where Walsh rarely went. No! You need answers! Stay strong! 

“Some things,” Walsh repeated. 

“Y-yes.” 

“Well go on,” he waved his hand at her and adopted an expression of exaggerated patience. “We haven’t got all night. What are these ‘things’ that are suddenly so important?”

Emma had spent an hour memorising her list of questions, but now she could only remember one. 

“Why don’t you wear a wedding ring?” she burst out. “Why don’t I?”

“Of— of course I wear one!” Walsh looked genuinely surprised, his composure slipping enough to rejuvenate her resolve. 

“Walsh I am looking at your hand right now and it is bare,” she said. “Neither of us wear rings. I’m certain I have one, I remember it, but where is it? Why did I stop wearing it?” He gaped at her and she seized her opportunity, letting months worth of questions flood out. “And why don’t we do anything together any more? What happened to our friends? I remember— I think I remember that we used to go out, do things as a couple, with other couples. But we have no friends now, and I stay in alone every night. I feel like I never see you these days, you’re hardly ever home, you never want to have sex—” she broke off as a look of revulsion crossed Walsh’s face, crushing her, stopping the words in her throat. Your own husband finds you repulsive, she thought bitterly, and a small voice at the very back of her consciousness piped up with a single word. “Why?” 

What? thought Emma, and the voice elaborated. “Dont you want to know why?”

A memory flashed through her mind, although no, not a memory, it couldn’t be, but it felt like a memory. The blue, blue eyes of Killian Jones, warm with adoration, his deep voice, his hand in her hair. “You’re so beautiful, Emma,” he whispered. “So utterly, heartbreakingly beautiful.” 

“Walsh, what’s going on?” she asked, suddenly angry, furious, incandescent with rage. “There’s something very wrong here, and I think you’re behind it. Tell me what it is. Tell me what you’ve done to me!”

Walsh’s face twisted into a terrifying snarl and he grabbed her arm, pulling her towards him until they were nose-to-nose, drowning her anger in fear. “Why are you asking these questions all of a sudden?” he hissed, “Does it by any chance have something to do with our new neighbourhood bookseller?” 

“Wh— what?” Emma scrambled to lie, to protect Killian. “No! Of course not.” 

“You’re a terrible liar, Emma.” Walsh sighed, his face falling back into its usual supercilious, condescending expression. Still holding her arm he turned and picked something up from his desk, a small box in silver filigree, beautiful in a cold and terrible way. “Fortunately it won’t matter. Come morning you’ll be yourself again. Or one of your selves, anyway.” He opened the box with a flick of his thumb and blew a harsh puff of air into it, sending a shower of glittering grey particles flying into Emma’s eyes. She gasped, then collapsed. Walsh held her up with his grip on her arm, then gave her a shove back into the sofa behind her. “That should take care of you for now,” he muttered, looking down at her unconscious form. “It appears that the pirate works faster than I had anticipated. Of course very little that we anticipated about him has turned out to be true. How he even managed to get here in the first place is something I would very much like to know. He is supposed to be stuck in Neverland.” He paused, smirking. “The power of true love, I suppose,” he said, sneering the words. “But he’ll soon be dealt with, him and your son. And now, ‘wife’, off to bed with you.” He waved his hand and Emma disappeared in a puff of green smoke. 

When she awoke the next morning, alone in her bed as always, all her doubts and worries about her marriage along with all recollection of her confrontation with Walsh were gone. 

Her memories of the time she’d spent with Killian Jones, however, were not. 

Notes: I hope this makes you feel a bit better (but still interested enough to want more!). 

[flusteredmountainman]

Since a bitch got sent one (1) ask only about. my ask meme that I created lol I’m going to go through and answer B) all of them bc i can... its selfcare.....

First 3 answers above the cut, other 47 below lmfao

Favourite of the main 6? I think the title of my blog speaks for itself lol

Least favourite of the main 6? Garbage stink piss man (Lucio)

Which of the main 6 do you want to slap the most? The aforementioned piss man but.... also kjaenfjkfea at times. Julian very badly because he’s just Like that but he’d probably enjoy that unfortunately

^

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Which of the main 6 have the most similar interests to you? (favourite colour, flower, food, drink, season, hobbies etc.) Portia tbh!!! She’s a very sweet spring girl and I also have a fairly similar personality to her. 

Who has the most tragic backstory? Mmmm.....muriel.......... I mean everyone has a pretty sad past but Muriel’s really is something else. The man is Heavily traumatised and I desperately want to give him a hug :(

Favourite side character? Mazelinka.... adopt me challenge kjaefkjnaf. i cant stop thinking about “goat bitch” what a fucking icon

Favourite animal friend?  Faust!!!! shes a good girl!!!

Best/worst of the courtiers? fuck i dont remember any of their names but valerius is. hot basard. worst is vlastomil hands down im kinkshaming anyone who wants to fuck the worm

Fuck, marry, kill (asker’s choice) Well skajfnkajf I’ve shot myself in the foot but. TBH its like. Marry Muriel, fuck everyone else, kill Lucio (full disclosure I only just finished julians upright ending and haven’t played Nadia’s yet so this may change except for wanting to marry Muriel and kill Lucio lol)

Romance or fluff? (Muriel) Fluff!!!!! Muriel deserves all the affection in the whole wide world. He gets sick? Bundle him up in furs by the fire and cuddle up into him with a good book. You look at him once? he blushes. it really doesnt get fluffier than that ++ a lot of his character arc in general is going to be.... letting himself trust you............. which is. so fucking wholesome

Wild night out or quiet night in? ( Muriel ) Quiet night in lmfao. We’d just hang out inside drinking hot chocolate and talking until we fell asleep propped up against the wall in his tiny house having completely lost track of time. 

Adventure or domesticity? ( Muriel ) I wanna say adventure because. I love travelling! I love going out and trying new things! And Muriel very does Not but I feel like getting him out of his comfort zone would do him some good! Starting small would probably be best, like maybe a tramp or going camping once in a while, then building up to bigger trips to other cities once you’ve convinced him you’ll both be ok as long as you’re prepared.

Cute date to the aquarium/zoo/park or elegant dinner date? ( Muriel ) I already answered this one B) I said: “ Definitely somewhere casual!!! I feel like he’d be most at ease somewhere like the park on a sunny day! Pick a nice grassy spot by a creek and bring a basket and have a really nice, chill picnic, and have a nap together in the early afternoon sun. Go for a walk after and talk about Plants (because i. am a biology student lol)  and generally just have a really relaxing time. Give the man a flower? Tuck it behind his ear? and he’d die kjnaefjnaej. Alternatively….. aquarium………. “

Coffeshop AU, high-school/college AU or modern AU? Give a headcanon about the one you chose jnakfjkjaf coffe shop AUs are so cliched but I actually love them for the settings of meetcutes. You meet Muriel when he’s on his rounds as a part time dog walker around the block and you barrel straight into him coming out of the shop when you’re checking an email, spilling the (now cold) remnants of your beverage all over him. You apologise profusely and he shrugs it off, blushing over your fussing and awkwardly tries to excuse himself. You insist on helping him finish his walk with All these dogs, anyway, you like dogs so it’s no trouble, and he begrudgingly agrees to finish the interaction sooner. You end up having a nice chat with him and notice in the weeks after that he starts coming by the shop without the dogs during the times you’re usually around, even though he doesn’t drink coffee. Your conversations with him during these short interludes quickly become the highlight of your day, and you start to suspect, eventually, that he feels the same :)

If (Muriel) turned up on your doorstep at midnight covered in blood, how would you react? Well I’d clean it off.... of .......course............. 👀👀👀

You’re stranded on a desert island; which 2 of the main 6 do you want with you? Muriel of course not only because I adore him but he’s. also a mountain man. Handy. And Asra because hes a good good magic boy and can make sand into water so.... handy. also asra is just an incredibly blessed person so kajefnkjaef

If your apprentice could go back in time and change one thing before the events of the game, what would it be? lucios birth :^)

You’re sick; who do you want to take care of you and why? I think I’m becoming predictable but. Muriel kjaefnkjafnjf you took such good care of him so it’s only fair that he should return the favour. He’s got a surprisingly good bedside manner and is generally just very gentle. Cooks eggs and grumbles that you should be taking better care of yourself but when you say thanks for all his help he blushes and kinda. stands up slightly straighter bc hes secretly happy he can Help

If you were trapped in an elevator with one character for 8 hours, who would you want it to be and why? Jojaefafjoafe ok so. Porbably Portia because she seems 1. one of the least likely to panic and 2. Would have fucking great conversation the whole time. 

Give a headcanon about Nadia She loves romcoms!!!! She would never ever admit it to anyone though, but she’s a huge sucker for romance stories in general. Cries at the end of mamma mia. Uses it as an excuse to snuggle all the way into your shoulder.

Give a headcanon about Asra He’s extremely lactose intolerant but he eats it anyway bc hes Chaotic and gives 0 fucks about how bad his guts feel afterwards, the cheese was Worth it dammit (and I say this bc thats also me kjaenfnef)

Give a headcanon about Julian Had a brief stint in his teen years where he unironically identified as sapiosexual

Give a headcanon about Portia She loves playing with hair/having her hair played with! Catch her falling asleep with her head in your lap as you weave your fingers through her hair.

Give a headcanon about Muriel I also already answered this one!:  “ He’d be really into gardening if he knew how! Catch me digging up all the dirt around his house and planting herbs, flowers (*cough* forgetmenots *cough) and other medicinal plants, and some strawberries for when spring comes! “

Give a headcanon about Lucio Unironically identifies as sapiosexual now even though he’s a huge dumbass himself 

Give a headcanon about a side character/the apprentice (asker’s choice) Nadia’s dad gets pegged

Give a popular opinion that you disagree with People calling Muriel a dom. have you. looked at this man. I have to laugh

Give an unpopular opinion Lucio sucks lol

Tarot or zodiac? Zodiac!!! Mostly bc I know exactly 0 things about tarot, I appreciate the aesthetic tho!

What is your patron major arcana? Oh worm I just looked at all the explanations in the wiki and tbh. The empress uh. dragged me with how much I ID with that (both reversed and upright) so akejfkjfae thats mine

Upright or reversed ending? Upright

Ot3? Me x muriel x asra (muriel has 2 hands and 2 tiny partners)

Brotp? jakjefnkanfe i love. portia and julians sibling banter. the good shit

Favourite non-apprentice-based ship? asriel............................. till i die............. (pordia is also fucking god tier)

Is the apprentice you, or your OC? thats just me bich kajefnkjnafe we living our best self indulgent lives 

Tell me about your Apprentice(s) im a big bi mess and i would die for muriel and thats it really

Favourite piece of worldbuilding lore? already answered: “ I really love how much of a shithole Vesuvia is kjbanefknaefk like. No formal process of trial/law? Public executions just being how people Do things? someone fucking help this city lmfao”

Favourite background/location? ok i really love nopal bc of all the cacti but tbh like. really anywhere theres a lot of cool nature? the forest is fucking good

The Forest or Nopal? bring the cacti from nopal to muriel’s hut in the forest and it’s perfect

The Palace or the shop? thheeee shop. i like the palace but i think id get Overwhelmed not being able to just. be in my own space a lot lol

The Rowdy raven or the library? the library with a healthy amount of alcohol lol. 

Favourite sprite?

43. Favourite character design?  I !!!!!!!!! really. love Asra’s design bc of its howl callback but all the designs r fucking cool 44. Best masquerade outfit?    Nadia’s..... glamorous..... 45. Best scene? Muriel. hugging. faust you and asra. hes so fucking wholesome ill cry...... or just straight up both of his books akjenfkjafn 46. Worst Scene? Honestly any containing lucio 47. Favourite song on the soundtrack? I love Crowd hammer! (predictable) but also memory 48. Best tale/bonus content? I dont remember names im terrible but i/ love the muriel one ofc kjneafkjn 49. Best CG?/ 50. Favourite memory?

[armorabs]

honestly the first spongebob movie was good as hell and i love it but i prefer sponge out of water - objectively speaking the first spongebob movie has a more cohesive plot and narrative, but... as a definitive conclusion to the franchise, i honestly find it unsatisfying and... even bleak, for the Burger Trio(tm). i mean, krabs repeatedly brings up the fact he wants to be friends with plankton again in the series, plankton regularly brings up dissatisfaction in life and i find he deserves some peace of mind... and karen... well, i dont even know what happened to her in the end. not to mention the fact there is absolutely no sandy, so it sucks (im kidding, i just really love her and think she deserves the world) 

but even though sponge out of water is a narrative hot mess, not to mention the fact it is absolutely batshit insane which is exactly what i love about it, its a lot more hopeful and optimistic as a potential conclusion to the series. primarily because of the fact that planktons development in the film is more entertaining and satisfying to watch than any development spongebob or patrick had in the first film. this is because he had a lot more to gain from the team up, which was highly irregular for him, than spongebob or patrick had to gain from theirs, which is the norm for them.

“but sponge out of water returns to the status quo in the end!” 

but did it really? sure, it seems like it did... but when you think about it, things are different now. plankton is different. he spent the entire movie becoming a better, more caring person. in the end he decided that he doesnt need the formula to be happy or find success, he’d rather share it. he finds himself caring for the main cast - theyre his friends and he realizes that now. yes, plankton goes back to stealing the formula in the end... but not out of malice, spite, or revenge like he used to. hes turned it from a scheme formed out of revenge, to a game among friends. a game his friends can enjoy and play along with, and they do!

tbh in the series and the first movie i absolutely Hate plankton and karens relationship and i will literally never shut the fuck up about it no matter how much you pay me to, for reasons i can easily and readily write an essay about, but sponge out of water actually made me feel for and care about them, which is an honest to god accomplishment so kudos on that

and, honestly, the movie explains a particular little detail in the series that didn’t click with me before. you see, in the series, plankton and krabs would sometimes treat the formula tug of war like it was a game in some episodes... yet in some others, like something deadly serious. and of course, being that its a non-continuity gag cartoon that has explored time travel and alternate universes multiple times, i just chalked this up to being in different timelines... and thats still potentially true... but i could never figure out what could establish such a radically different treatment of the dynamic in an otherwise similar status quo.

but of course sponge out of water explains it in an easily digestible format for me - also the cgi is cute and soft as hell and if you disagree youre a coward no i dont accept criticism on my posts goodbye

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 56 - 62

This has been a hard one. So you know how Ramadan is the month you fast and al and your supposed to strengthen your spirituality and all. Well Ramadan went well Alhamdulillah but it is more like all these things happened to me this one week more compared to during Ramadan. 

So I started walking on the treadmill. I planned on 2 hours a day but ended up doing one hour everyday. Well when i decided on 2hrs it was what i ‘preferred’. 1hr, duh, is the ‘minimum’ and more than 2 hours is highly appreciable but im still proud i could at least do the bare minimum this week yay! well proud is exaggeration tbh, im just not panicking and depressed  because I maintained the bare minimum but im not like ‘happy’ or impressed cause I dont see any progress. But then again, the way i define ‘progress’ is kind of too high standard as always so yeah I am kind of harsh on myself ‘as always’ again so maybe I am kinda doing okay i guess. well but bottom line, im not really ‘impressed’. 

Aha ok so theres that. then um oh! me catching cold after coming from Makkah, Well in the beginning i was sooooo tired for a day or two like i couldnt function at all. But then yeah all the classic symptoms started to arise. coughing, sneezing, throat irritation, blocked nose, runny nose, greenish sputum, difficulty breathing. Oh God, you name it! so I have been on medication for a week now and I have to continue for another 1 week. And its just not going away yet. like its there, constant! except for just last night when my throat wasnt itching much and luckily i could sleep like a babyyyyyyyyy for a change after a week. Oh so this whole week I used to go to bed around 12 to 1 or at 2 latest! Now whether I could fall asleep is a different story. Well most of the nights I did try to fall asleep like till fajr and i could like sleep for an hour or 2 max and then I would just wake up from coughing so much. and then Id just lie down till fajr and then get up and pray and then go to bed. 2 of the mornings I worked out after fajr and then took a shower and then slept around 7 in the morning. 

during the day, well i wake up always keeping in mind that I should not miss zuhr so lol that mean i kinda wake up usually around 2pm or even later sometimes. Since im talking about the entire week, this is like what i did majority of the days. Some days i woke up earlier though. but maybe thats like a day or 2 out of 7.  So its so hot during the day, like you dont even need to ‘move’ and youll already be sweating! I totally hate it and I have never been that tired of any weather ugh. Like I totally love winter now. not cause idk its fun or something but like i hate summer so muchhhhhhh that yeah i can basically go like i love winter 

Ok so the week kinda started with me being kind of tired mentally. parents were in the middle of a huge argument so yeah the whole atmosphere in the house was kinda blue and then I started eating so less and then starting with the treadmill and all and well it was just a bit tough to move from a phase to another. I wasnt having negative vibes and all but i just wished for more from life. I mean sometimes it is kind of too much to take. I get all the stuff about life not supposed to be perfect and how it is just temporary and how we should not get attached to worldly things. Yes all of that is cool and i get it but then when you are actually experiencing those ‘downs’ in life, youre obviously not going to be ‘okay’ with it and ofcourse youll wish things were better or youd just feel mentally drained out - despite knowing the entire “concept” of life - 

So yeah thats the phase I was in for a few days and then after a lot of thinking how I suddenly got out of the phase was when I was thinking about how every single person is subjected to life is a completely different way. Like you can never compare. You might think your life is horrible and so much shit has happened to you and everything and maybe someone else who never had to face anything similiar to the ‘shit’ you went through. Well maybe they had to experience something else. Something you are too blessed to even be aware of. What I am trying to say is how sometimes we wish for things is life and other people have it, that what you want. Or maybe they dont have what you want, but then in general it seems like there life seems ‘happier’ than yours. Well I dont really think it is true anymore. I kind of think everyone goes through almost an equal share of good and bad. and how do we define what is ‘good’ and what is ‘bad’? Well we just cant tbh. Because what might seem good to me and I would wish for could be something someone has and feels cursed with. I mean its all about perceptions. So someone maybe suffering in their own way but you are not just seeing it. Basically the point is, 

We should always be thankful, be patient and keep breathing. We should be aware of how our life is not going to be a compilation of scenes you get to watch in movies or be picture perfect. And we also need to protect ourselves from getting attached to anything or anyone so much! We need to be okay with letting go of things or people if we ever have to! And we also need to know that every single person out there ~ Everyone’s life is perfectly imperfect. Yes, of course I cant really disagree to how some people might seem to have better lives but then again, all the hardships you go through, you are being tested and you are being rewarded for them so at the end of the day it all balances off. 

So I was kind of really bored with life in general and also my days were boring too. Well theyre still pretty much boring but like i was also bored of life. Then I started thinking of certain people who are having more boring lives than mine, and who dont even have the blessings I am gifted with. And everything started to just get more acceptable. And then I started thinking of my brother. I mean its so cool he is going to move to Canada in like less than 2 months inshaAllah and all. I am really happy for him and wish nothing but the best of the best for him and all but but but.. I mean just think of it. At first I was thinking of my some of the people Ik who arent really in a pretty place maybe because of financial reasons. Then there were people that came to my mind who arent in a pretty place because of just family reasons. And then ones who are just simply having to work a bit harder and so theyre not at a pretty place. Some who are away from friends, family because of life. So yeah. then I started thinking of my brother. I mean he is going to move soon and he will be living in a dorm and I mean he will be in Canada in one of the top 5 universities in the country and he has a scholarship. MashAllah that all sounds so great. Something Id want too but but but. then i started thinking of life in general. I mean he will be living on his own. He doesnt have to cook though, he has subscribed to a meal plan so he doesnt have to worry about preparing his food. but like living alone in his dorm room. I mean coming home every day to his room. Well cool thing though he wont be sharing a room with anyone and he will have his own toilet and stuff but then again, i mean he will be alone. Im not saying that an alternate scenario could be one where hed come home to his family and woah everyone would be partying and laughing and smiling and all. I mean even when he is at home right now he is like always in front of his computer busy with his own stuff and all but like idk Id still prefer coming home and having some other humans who are family. Atleast once in a while you know. or maybe its just me. but then still, i mean uni and studies are stressful enough, id just want to see people i love around! And yeah that is one of the main reasons why I didnt finally decide to study abroad right after high school! 

So yeah then I started realizing that there are so many ways I already am blessed. Even on every one of my ‘boring’ days, there are blessings i am encountering which many people arent getting even on their normal days. Yeah that kind of cheered me up! 

So this week, more like this month or like the entire 2 months will be about my bro lol. I mean theres a lot of shopping to do. like clothes, toilet stuff, laundry stuff, bed, pillow, shoe, laptop, tootpaste, mug, spoon and what not. literally everything. I mean its actually fun. Like you go to a shop and literally anything you touch, is something in the shopping list for him!! i mean normally somethings are like just too basic, youd never in years touch them in a shop cause like you have it, its there!!! but for him, have to get everything since he will start from scratch! 

Ok so now about myself! Well like i said, the week started pretty rough because of the whole change in phase. parents fighting, me not eating much considering how food is one of the means by which i look for comfort, and then life just being boring in general and then how getting on the treadmill is such a pain in the ass in the first place and not to mention the extremely hot temperature these days and then you dont really see any difference. I mean duh. DUHHHHH howd i even be thinking to see any difference? I mean i KNOWWW its too soon for any difference but like all these staying patient emotionally, mentally about so many different aspects in life..It all can get pretty heavy sometimes!!!! Oh and then its like i really really really love myself. Like a LOT LOT. now like i said, once you already love someone, I mean, well, to fall in love ofcourse the person needs to have good qualities most of the time but then like once you already love someone, you love them despite their imperfections. Well, thats how you love ‘another person’. but when you love yourself. Forget qualities!!! you love yourself regardless lol! Where I am getting with this is!!! I mean right now, i really am not AT ALL happy with my body, like not. at . ALL. Infact I have never been this unhappy about my body ever in my life. And also I kind of feel really dumb. Like wow, Alhamdulillah whatever I did in my exams and all, i am thankful for that but like as a person in general. I really dont feel smart enough plus I literally dont remember anything i studied. like i actually wonder how tf did are they just not there in my head anymore. Like i definitely did study them or else i wouldnt pass my exams so now where the hellllll did all that go awaaayyyyy whatttttttttt

yeah so 4th year basically you need to know your shit. like you actually need to know what they taught you in the last 3 years. like youre actually be walking with doctors and interacting with them one on one. its not going to be like the last 3 years where like it doesnt really matter whether you are alive or dead, asleep or awake. like you just make sure you have your name signed. so theres the attendance part covered. and you make sure you finish every lecture and to do that you have time till before you enter the “exam code” on your laptop and start the exam!!!! You see, now! you actually need to know shit, you actually need to go see patients with the doctors and even without the doctors, you need to go to patients, and take history from them which TADAAA will be in arabic. oh wow!! So yeah if you dont know arabic you need a friend/ translator! yeah and then you need to tell your history to your doctor in english thank god lol :p but like yeah, and you ll be in small groups of 6 - 10 with a doctor and like he might bring up a disease he wants to discuss and SURE af it wont be something they found out about 2 minutes ago. ofcourse it will be something we are expected to have covered in the last 3 years or uni and you cant just go like. OH I never heard about it!!!! Idk what it is!!! Ok lol i guess im freaking out now. 

Anyways so what i was saying. yeah so not happy with my body, plus i think im really dumb and then its just TOO DAMN HOT i cant do anything, I CANT EVEN MOVE. so yeah its pretty disturbing! Also not to mention how not eating much is so hard Ughh! 

Ok so i have been typing for over an hour now. I kind of think I covered everything I wanted to blog about for the whole week but like Im not sure and I dont want to read all what i wrote right now cause its already so boring cause its like always in my head anywaysssss and yeah thats one nice thing about blogging. Ahh. like once i hit the ‘post’ button and then woah!!! all these thoughts just turn into feather in my head!!!!! hahaahh!! 

But i still do read what i write again everytime, prolly at the end of the day to make sure nothing is ‘misunderstood or sounds completely opposite of what I actually wanted to say and all. blablaaa. So yeah if somethings mssing, ill fill it up

okay enough blabbering. Tataa!!!!!! :) 

[alexjester]

Worst things about the West midlands.

Full of unfriendly, judgemental cunts who think their shit doesn't stink and will try whatever they can to rob you, unfriendliest place in the UK by miles

Avoid places like Ladywood, Shard End, Perry Barr, Lozells, Handsworth. All those areas have been ruined by Labour Party MPs and Birmingham City's Labour Council. Those areas are known to have gangs, high unemployment, welfare dependency, poor schools, housing and health services. Ladywood is an area known for having the highest number fatherless families on welfare. So if you like single mothers with 5+ children, then Ladywood is the place to be.

Too many beggars! I was begged three times by different people each time in multiple places in the city centre! I was even begged in M&S in the train station! Far too many ugly looking flats that accumulate Birmingham's skyline, too many immigrants, tired looking buildings, the accents are quite dreadful, the list goes on...

I've travelled extensively all over Curling Turd Island U.K and once again it just goes to show that you can polish a turd, but in B'Ham only in places!! First impression's when I fell off the train at the labyrinthine maze that is Moor Street Station was how warped everyone looked, especially in and around Pidgeon 'Ole Park. Must of been years of abuse at the hands of vile tasting tap water (filtered from the canal of dead things and chemical waste, no doubt). Tapwater that just makes you fart and shit all day long without no sign of giving up (Aston). Also how unadulteratedly dangerous and awful the pavements and roads are here and how badly planned "Sloppy Second's" is on the whole. A big no no for visitor's/guests. Everything in this binned off, trolleyed country is only in car-distance, as per usual, and OMG what an infested shit'ole - rat's, wasps everywhere, ant's nests, aliens from outer space and Zombie's everywhere!! Progress is so slow in B'ham, is Sloppy Seconds therefore by dinosaurs? The main urban sprawl High Streets are caked with Zombie's walking up and down all day with their hand's out, looking for something (for nothing) -the nanny-stater's have the wrong shit-trousers on all day with only dick-pence to offer anyone. I want to get out!

The accent. Is it even English? I thought Ozzy Osbourne's speech was incomprehensible because it was affected by years of drug abuse...until I moved to Birmingham.

All the lads speak like Benny from Crossroads and the girls are goddam hideous and go out sat night with all their fat on show, fat thighs in mini skirts, love handles bulging over waistlines and massive arses in tight clothing - not a good look. Brums have no class or etiquite

OMG where do I start - driving there is hell, brum accent makes anyone u speak to appear as thick as shit, hardly anyone has a proper job an loads on the dole, very dirty, chavs chavs and more chavs, pigeon shit all over the place, beggars, whores and pimps at every corner. Basically an ugly uninspiring city inhabited by unemployed losers.

what exactly is there about birmingham to make one jealous - this is obviously a joke - go to manchester, edinburgh, london, bristol instead.

Birmingham actually is the Second City. It didn't gain that name through through no reason at all. Don't believe otherwise. Mancs are just jealous that Brum got the name before they did. This is one of the worst things about Birmingham. Or should that be about Manchester? Hrrrm.

Being the victim of homophobic verbal abuse on the train into the station when I'd been enjoying myself previously in the modern and enlightened city that is Manchester. Well done you two prats/bigots - you must feel really clever- I just feel sorry for you.

erdington high street oh what a joy to walk down there on a saturday after the alkies and bag heads have finished with it . it reminds me of the thriller video except a 100 times more paranoid.and the bromford estate ive seen better estates in the third world.cheesy kevs chavy daves and sharons with the standard " ennit " nosestud ,saxo drivers,bmw innit drivers,and them divs who wear coats on hot days with there farahs on and a key chain and greased hair who aint had the ride in years..

it is full of windowlickers

Manchester IS the second city. Brummies and their surrounding counties that use the city need to come out of denial and actually look at the facts. Birmingham is a disgrace: right wing, old fashioned and very very unfriendly.

unfriendly people, with an old school culture all of their own - most of the midlands is like this - with the exception of nottingham

Dreary, dull city in the middle of three old school, old fashioned counties, unfriendly people, junkies, lack of fashion sense and grooming.

Teen Culture ( A unch of Weemo Teeny Boppers dancing to Panic! At the Disco and the fucking Kooks.

sty andrews. a piss poor imitation of legoland

crowds, ignorance

lots an lots of pigeons that wait til ur a few inches away before flyin in ur face lol

public transport

Kings Heath High Street: More nutters per metre then Bedlam on a full moon.

The people - rude, ignorant, arrogant, unfriendly, cocky ... not nice. I hardly speak to them, as I hate the accent as well. Black Country accent IS totally different - better, as we don't have extended vowels that go on forever !!!!!!!!!!

The Brummies - arrogant, ignorant, rude, impatient & think they're better than anyone else 'cause they live in Britain's 2nd city. Erdington - what an area, never realised such bad areas existed. At least I never have to go out with my hair brushed, otherwise they all stare. The homeless people - why so many & where do they go when the change shift at Snow Hill ?

More Area more "chav's" and/or "Gansta's"

homeless, someone please look after them., they need our help

few idiots

Chavscum and 'PUNK' wannabes will always be the worst. Yes, Birmingham is still quite dirty, but most of the dirty dirty bits have been filtered out, unlike Manchester... ughh.

rain!

Birmingham is crap. Traffic congestion means it takes forever to get anywhere, and it's a nightmare getting a taxi home from town. The place has no character, and Brummies moan constantly. Everything here is mainstream, and there is no real alternative culture. The people who like the place are those who haven't lived anywhere else. Believe me, are much better places to be.

I'm amazed at the positive things I read here. Believe me the only people who like Birmingham are those who have never lived anywhere else and consequently don't know any better. It takes forever to get anywhere because of the congestion, and poor public transport, most of it is ugly in the extreme, and everyone moans constantly. Unless you are utterly mainstream, it's just plain dull.

My beautiful DMR hardtail getting stolen - theiving chavs!!!

i have to disagree with kingstanding being one of the nicer areas in birmingham, i should know, i live there

the slowly tightening grip of the cheese extreme that rules the Broad Street night life - lets hope it shoots itself in the foot and peeps start to drift away from the flock in search of fresher, hipper beats!

The modern Christmas tree outside St Martins Church (in the Bull Ring). A traditional tree would have been more appropriate

Plastic Paddy Pubs, Corporate Pubs. Deafening bands with little or no talent and deaf soundmen. The Jam House - load of bollocks prices run by conmen - Jools should be ashamed! Look what they did to Ronnie Scotts!

Being from a place where your accent is constantly being mistaken for the black country accent (its a completly differrent dialect and place, arghhh) and people who think that Manchester is the 2nd city when its bloody well not!!!

too much violence, street robbery, and smackheads.

Kevins and sharons!!!!!

er....Trans?

Dont worry about there being a selfridges in the Bull Ring Centre - there is gonna be a Bear Factory store there - definately a good shop to go to for everyone!

The homeless people on Broad Street

Overcrowding, congestion and too much concrete

Hip Hop, d&b, alternative scene isn't that good - it's all about Broad Street. Homeless people - it seems to me loads of them have better trainers than me and are just plain rude if you don't have any money to give them!

New Street Station and the Palasades.

birmingham lives in the shadow of london too much, but shouldn't! it may be our second city in size but difinetly not in heart!!!

The problem is someones bound to get shot up at the bloody ice rink my brother nearly did.

there seems to be a good amount of style-conscious people in birmingham but having said that, there are (young) people who expect to be taken seriously whilst wearing their adidas poppers tucked into their nike socks and sporting flourescent orange trainers. (all i have to say about them is 'no'. no no no no no no no.) despite the fact that theres a lot of inter-racial and inter-faith tolerance and acceptance in birmingham, there is some amount of discrimination, although not just racism - but the culprits are the ones who wear their tracksuit trousers tucked into their socks, so you've got to ask yourself whether or not they can help themselves, really......

the victorian terraces, burberry cap sporting fools, woodsurfing wankers, goths and freaks( their parents hate them and they blame everyone else), the oasis market, plankriders, skateboarders, jitters, er anythin else to call this fraternity?? oh yeah, tossers. i think thats it. and that man (you know who you are, lakvir of halesowen college) who cracked one off on the number 9 bus in broad daylight, then unloaded in his bag. dirty bastard.

THE WANABES FROM SOLIHULL THINKIN THERE GOOD WEN THERE NOT! AND LOOKIN AT THE REAL SKATERS LIKE THERE NOTHIN WEN WE REALLY ARE.

pigs

The rubbish that constantly litters the streets, other places

Birmingham is the worst City you can ever dream of living in. I was born in Birmingham and have spent years trying to shake of the misery of Brummiedom. Fights, lads, slappers, concrete, abuse, sexism, racism - need I go on?

Far too many aggressive beggars who are blatantly not homeless and are all mashed off their tits and out looking for cash for their next bag of smack, dodgy geezers in hoods hanging around at night, The Rotunda - it's just goddamn ugly, Travel West Midlands... "bus every 6 minutes" (or more like, "4 buses within 3 minutes, once an hour") - totally unreliable and totally bollocks, too many identically-clothed (Rockport & Kickers) Shazza and Kev gangs (fuck off you no-hopers), the city centre is always being dug up for some unknown reason, people smoking on buses (despite the large "�500 fine" signs, which TWM never enforce), high likelihood of robbery at night in some areas (be very careful and always stay aware of who is around you!)

too many OSP's telling you to be quiet!

bham's known for pocket pickin and druggies and rcism but realy if you keep youre self to youre self its not realy that bad!

where do i start. Theres no country side, everywhere u look u see tarmac and metal. The people are ignorant and no one ever says thanku 2 the bus driver, which really annoys me. Sutton area is full of psychos and people openingly smoke weed on the bus - which then makes the driver get high.Need i say more.

Beggars. If you're shopping, watch your handbags (girls) and wallets (guys).

Kevs and shazzas (townies), crap local radio, kevs, busses are always late, shazzas, broad street (if u like alt music) did i mention the kevs?

it's a big grey concrete mess not pretty, the high street shops like o neill and virgin are expensive

Our terrible spelling.

Birmingham is very dirty, especially Bordesley Green, where I work. Think before you drop litter!

modernisation redevelopment of city not complete till at least 2006 utter chaos street closures etc.

Nothing, birmingham's brilliant, OK maybe too many cars

Kevs! Pack them all up and send them back to Slutton Coldfield where they spawned from. In fact, the whole of Slutton seems like a giant conspiracy at times to undermine Birmingham's healthy anti-Kev attitude. Incidentally, anyone from down around Hodge Hill and Ward End keep your eye on Star City...the Kev Migration seems to be moving in that direction... Anti-Sk8ing-Coppers who confisk8 your board!!!

the chewing gum on the pavement. Street beggars wearing brand new nikes! (???)

it's a pig ugly place

Its lack of individuality sometimes annoys me. Broad Street could be great, but its been bitten by the Chain Pub & Restaurant Bug. I want unique places!! Manchester and London do it - why not Brum!

Traffic jams on the M6!!! They put LA to shame.

Aston V#��@!!!! Apologies to all who have the misfortune to visit the collection of sheds called V#��@ Park, if the council was full of bluenoses the place would be turned into housing.

The annoying Ben Sherman/Hackett/Rockport shirted scum yes you!

Pubs stop serving at 22:50 at the weekend??? But that is England all over The crappy public transport system

The TERRIBLE, DISGUSTING, and downright FRIGHTENING mess of roads and subways and dereliction that is the Bull Ring. The area around the Arcadian, with the gay village and Chinatown, is great but the roads and subways and ramps in between that area and the city square are horrible. Really scary. No thought to pedestrians at all.

People are a bit too "uptight" and need to lighten up, lay back , an' feel them warm rays of heaven on them pasty faces. Maybe have a little glass o' somethin' an' smile a little.,....yooo know whut aah mean!!!!

People who have this Solihull mentality whereby they they keep diassociating Handsworth from Handsworth Wood - both together (I've lived in both) are far more scenic/exciting/historically valuable than some other areas of the city I won't embarrass by naming!! If you're still not convinced, try this - THERE'S NO MORNING RUSH HOUR!!! (We Northsiders spend far less of our ives sitting in our cars / on buses)

The street cleaner at the library. Looks like an elf. Calls you a cunt when you don't do a single thing. Deliberately trashes your bag by pouring water over it. Also very paranoid, he believes that there is a camera hidden in a security light (there is definitely not)

TWM, total rip off of a bus company.

Perry Barr. Its bad. Its worse than bad. Its fucking awful.

Sutton snobs and the University district - well run down.

architecture. neglect of some areas (Digbeth in town has mucho potential town planners). having to listen to prats from completely inferior towns whitter on about crappy brum, when they haven't been there, or never explored when they were.

The buses, operated by Travel West Midlands, which are cack. They don't give change which is as primitive in the sphere of public transport as it is possible to get, and a constant source of annoyance.

Living, or hanging out anywhere near Bournville - the place has no pubs at all due to it being built by the Quaker family that owned Cadburys.

The subways and underpasses. Some are very frightening to walk through alone. Thankfully Birmingham is being 'redesigned' at the moment and it is improving by the day.

The nightlife. It's a bit dead really.

The worst thing? Most of the suburbs. Whilst the City has spent a lot of money and effort into redesigning the Centre for the post-industrial age, most routes out of the city are scattered with dilapidated ex-factories and buildings; some of the residential areas (such as Handsworth or Handsworth Wood) are frightening to be in at night.

Moronic southerners who think Birmingham's a northern shitehole somewhere near Manchester. Wrong - it's a midlands semi-paradise with trees somewhere near Stratford.

Villa fans.

Wost thing about Brum: some of the office blocks are SO gross. Bring 'em down. Good news is that next year the Bull Ring will be bulldozed and replaced by a 300 million development which will boast the only branch of Selfridges outside London. The accent is a pain in the arse, and makes even the most intelligent person sound as thick as shit.

Brum hasn't had a medium sized music venue since the Hummingbird closed down 5 years ago, forcing bands to play in Wolverhampton or Leicester. This seriously hampers local talent (no, not bloody Ocean Colour Scene)and Brum is crying out for a "scene" of some description PLEASE!! The suburbs need some urgent cosmetic attention too and local transport could do with an overhaul s!

Traffic Wardens

The young fisher lads obsession with their fast cars is brain numbing. A quality night out for them consists of driving your fast car round and round the town centre, climaxing in pulling in next to some other young things in their cars in the Balmoor Cemetery carpark. And you can bet they're not there to place flowers on poor old Granny's grave.

Accent, traffic, no one knowing where B'ham is.

Can be a bit scary at night, especially for people from out of town.

lycra clad no hopers

Man U Fans, Blues Fans.

Seriously deranged people appearing on a regular basis, care in the community in action in Birmingham obviously.

The accent.

Private Hire drivers - mostly 'Care in the community' releasees from All Saint's Hospital.