#like i think that since to him its a warzone. he feels justified in using whatever means necessary to 'ensure he gets home'

[iron-sides]

been thinking lately about what kind of parent i think bruce is. and i think the thing is. i dont necessarily interpret him as deliberately going out of his way to hurt his kids, right? i think its just a matter of priorities and that they arent that high on his list. gotham will always come first, then the mission, then his morals, then the kids' wellbeing. and i think part of that is that-- because of robin-- he never really sees or treats them like kids.

they are his partners, and that makes them soldiers to him first, people second. he is their field commander before he is their father and thats why its okay to him to lie to them and to hit dick and to fuck them up psychologically. because it is for the good of the mission. because they arent his kids theyre his men. he'll take care of them but in the way a captain takes care of his soldiers. he doesnt want them to be injured not because he hates to see them hurt but because it takes them off the field. he sees gotham as a warzone and in batmans eyes (because bruce wayne hasn't been more than a vehicle for batman since that fateful night) nothing can take priority.

i think thats in large part why he struggles so much as they grow up. if they're growing into adults that means at one point they weren't adults. which means they were children. which means he should never have allowed them on the field. i do find it fascinating that the only child who he was present for their growing out of robin was dick. jason was with the league, and when tim gave up the mantle he was presumed dead. steph never got along as well with him as robin because she was no child and therefore did not take orders like one: she had already reached the point where things begin to go wrong.

i dunno this is all conjecture but i do find this to be his problem. it's not that he doesn't care because he does! he does! but because alfred was never truly a father to him he doesnt know how to be a father, only an army general.

[theheirofthesharingan]

So people rightfully address that there's subtext that Orochimaru is a pedo, but I feel like there's similar subtext (although with different intentions) for Danzo? Orochimaru's predation is clearly lustful but Danzo's seems power/control oriented, especially since we know that's a big part of his character (the need to demonstrate power because he feels inadequate). These are all mixed together for me tbf, but there are things like everyone in the village knowing he "takes a child from every great family" to the point where Shino's dad offers an orphan instead of Shino to protect Shino, in general his "recruits" are orphans or otherwise vulnerable children with some sort of isolating power, and they're made to have personal hero worship and unfailing loyalty/fidelity to him OR are deeply manipulated to stay fearful enough of him to obey him. He literally has a "don't talk or I'll hurt you seal" on his people. In Itachi's novel you're also meant to experience the same disgust/fear when Danzo appears that I felt Orochimaru gave in Part 1, and they're the only 2 people in the property depicted that way.

I feel like this is different from yakuza, mafia, or even other military organizations because those are typically formed out of brotherhood and their own honour code. The format of the ROOT is more similar to independent militia in warzones, and these organizations are well-documented to use sexual abuse of boys as a control tactic. In film ( a lot of asian films actually ime) whenever institutional or ritual abuse is a plot point, there's always a character that is severely injured by the SA they experience and then go on to commit suicide over it. Shisui fits this role in Naruto.

I definitely agree with you on the similarities between Danzo and Orochimaru. They worked together and shared extreme ideals to the level of unhealthily obsessing in the things they believed in. They both took advantage of the vulnerable children to carry out their agenda, and to them both ends justified the means.

Danzo and Orochimaru are two similar, twisted kinds of evil but with different flavour to their malevolence. Orochimaru, later in the story, has some sort of epiphany, by which he realizes he doesn't want to incline himself towards evil anymore; Danzo, on the other hand, ends himself thinking he was right all along. Of the two, Danzo is more dangerous for the reasons you mentioned, and also because with the help of more knowledge you could defeat Orochimaru. Danzo just seems invincible.

He's cold, manipulative, adamant, persuasive, and makes himself sound the most reasonable of all. He seems to have problems for all solutions and solutions to all problems. The extremities someone would want to avoid, Danzo doesn't care about it at all. He's resourceful, all the things achieved by the ugliest means possible. His Root/Foundation is symbolic of the literal foundation of Konoha (and Shinobi world in general) that had evil embedded in them from its advent. Danzo not only flourishes on this darkness, he also causes it.

Honestly, I'd never thought of Shisui being one of his victims. It was always Itachi, because the two interacted more. Even if Anbu reports to the Hokage, Danzo clearly had put his leash on Itachi enough to manipulate him, and keep him in check enough to bend Itachi to his will. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this way even though novels don't exactly hint towards the SA and manga definitely can't.

However, considering this is Danzo we're talking about, no theory is outlandish because he is the personification of irredeemable evil in the series. Thanks for the ask because it was fun looking into it.

[misscorn]

Day 2 Flowers/Lovey Dovey

@takaritsuweek :D

***

Takano Masamune was really, sincerely trying here.

He had been in plenty of relationships before, (if you could count his one night stands as relationships) but he had never cared about any of them like how he cared about he and Ritsu's relationship (again, if you could call what they had a relationship. Masamune did, but Ritsu didn't, so...it was complicated).

Ten years had gone by and Masamune was still a total sucker for the guy!

Yes, Masamune was a lovelorn, idiotic, sucker for one Onodera Ritsu, but Masamune was also a man of his word and he had told Ritsu that he intended to be completely lovey dovey with him. Masamune found that lately he wasn't quite living up to that promise, which was a wrong that needed to be righted immediately.

That was how he found himself in his current predicament: agonizing over what flowers to choose to give to Ritsu. Flowers were a classic gesture of affection and they'd certainly brighten up the place in Ritsu's warzone of an apartment. However, Masamune didn't want to just pick up any bouquet and run out with it. He wanted it to be nice, maybe even perfect if he could dare to hope to meet such a standard.

Masamune had never done anything like this, had never really tried very hard (rather, had never tried at all) in any of his relationships, so who could blame him for being a little lost?

Ugh, if only he knew what kind of flowers Ritsu liked! But it wasn't like he could ask without raising suspicion. He wanted this to be a surprise. Plus, he doubted Ritsu would even tell him since, according to the brunette, they technically still weren't 'dating' so 'Masamune would have no reason to need to know that' or whatever. Masamune rolled his eyes briefly at the thought of Ritsu's never ending denial before he refocused.

"Excuse me, sir, may I be of assistance?"

Masamune spared the employee a glance, taking in the rather tall, dark haired man. He instinctively went to dismiss him and assure him he was fine before stopping himself.

"Actually, I could use some help. I want to surprise the person I love with flowers, but I don't know which ones to get." Masamune explained.

"Some flowers have certain meanings. If there's a specific message you're trying to convey to your loved one I could help you make a custom boquet!" The employee offered with a shiny, almost too-white smile.

Masamune slowly nodded along as he listened. "Yes, please, I'd like that."

-

Ritsu ignored the first knock on his door.

He wasn't expecting any company and therefore he was not obligated to answer, or at least that's how he justified it. He was a hardworking adult who deserved just a minute of peace. Whoever was at his door could allow him that. Unless the building was on fire, he didn't want to hear it.

Of course, Ritsu wasn't that lucky and the knocker wasn't that easily deterred.

Once there was another knock Ritsu knew right away who it was and that made him want to answer the door even less. However, Ritsu knew there could be consequences for ignoring his neighbor/boss/ex lover/current lover(?). So, he took a deep breath and forced himself to stand from his couch. He opened the front door and was not surprised to find Takano standing there, but was surprised to find Takano standing there with flowers.

"Um...hello Takano-san. How can I help you?" Ritsu asked as he leaned slightly away from the bouquet.

"I came over to give you these." Masamune said, holding out the flowers toward him. The bouquet consisted of purple lilac for first love, violets for loyalty, devotion and faithfulness and forget-me-nots for...well, its in the name.

Ritsu's nose scrunched as it already started to tickle. "Why?" Ritsu asked. It wasn't his birthday, was it? Or, oh God, was this about to be followed up with some terrible news? Were the flowers being used to soften the blow? Was Ritsu being fired?

"Because I wanted to. Because I love you. I don't think I need any other reasons than that." Masamune stated.

Masamune had gotten Ritsu flowers? Just because? God, he wasn't one of the maidens in the shojo mangas they edited! Ritsu couldn't be won over with such gestures! Right? He definitely couldn't be won over by something like this. His heart definitely wasn't beating fast and he didn't have butterflies in his stomach and he wasn't shoving down the urge to smile. Ritsu's eyes were also beginning to water, but that was not from happiness and it reminded him that he had to reject the gift.

Ritsu took a deep breath and felt his cheeks start to burn with embarrassment as he spoke. "W-While I appreciate the gesture, T-Takano-san, I cannot accept." He somehow managed to splutter out a coherent sentence much to his own surprise. Even though the bouquet (secretly) made him happy, he couldn't take it.

Masamune frowned at the professional and impersonal tone. Ritsu's rejection, as polite as it may be, still twisted his heart in ugly, awful, painful ways. "Why not?" He asked. "Do you not like them?"

"That's not the issue." Ritsu sniffled and took a step back. "Th-they're very pretty! It's just, I'm just-" Ritsu cut himself off, turning away from Masamune to sneeze three times in a row. He sniffled and took another step back. "I'm-" another sneeze. "-allergic."

Masamune wanted to smack himself.

"I'm so sorry." Masamune apologized immediately. "I'm such an idiot-I didn't even think-" he huffed, frustrated with himself. Damn it, he just can't get this lovey dovey stuff right, can he? Ritsu sneezing once more snapped him out of his thoughts.

"I-its okay!" Ritsu assured through his sniffles. "You didn't know."

Damn it, Ritsu was already sounding congested too. "I'll just get rid of these, sorry again." Masamune sighed.

Ritsu frowned to himself as it seemed like a waste. "Well, um, th-thank you anyway." He said, swallowing hard as he glanced away from Masamune to try to build up some courage. "I-its really the thought that counts. It was swe...swee...swe-ACHOO!" Ritsu sneezed once more. Ugh, I feel gross now, he thought. And his eyes were getting so itchy! They were probably red.

"Yup, I'm definitely getting rid of these." Masamune said, taking a step away from Ritsu, which wasn't something he ever thought he would voluntarily do. "How about after I get rid of the flowers, I make up for this by cooking you dinner?"

"Y-You don't have to do that." Ritsu denied automatically, almost as if it were routine.

"I want to. Please?"

"...Fine. Let me take some medicine and you get rid of those and then I'll come over."

Wait...had Ritsu just agreed to dinner with only a little bit of a fight? Masamune hoped he didn't look as surprised as he felt, but apparently he did as Ritsu's face turned pink and he snipped, "What? Stop staring at me and get started already!"

"Right, right, sorry. You're just so hot when you're having an allergy attack." Masamune teased.

"Shut up before I change my mind!" With that Ritsu slammed the door shut, but Masamune was smiling wide.

I guess the flowers were a good idea, after all.

[itsthrowawayyyyyblog]

I never thought I would be back here a few years after I deleted my old blog/s, but here I am.

Why am I back, you ask?

2020 has been a rough year for a lot of people, including myself. It started off well for me! I spent a week in Toronto for training at my old job and got to meet some wonderful people. I travelled for myself for the first time and I found it freeing. Imagine taking a trip to a place you’ve wanted to visit for a while, without having to answer to anyone. It was great! I stayed at a condo and it was right next to the Rogers Centre and CN Tower and the balcony view was FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC. Imagine “going home” there after a long day at work, opening the door, looking to your right and seeing the CN Tower lit up. I saw that for 5 straight nights and I got to say, it was an experience. I also saw the Raptors play! It was on my bucket list, and I never thought I was going to be able to see them play, until 2020. I had the time of my life in Toronto, went back home and I was generally happier with my life and my expectations for the rest of the year were high. I mean, surely, the year is just getting started and good things are happening - it can only be better, right?

Right?

Then COVID happened. California and Australia were on fire, a black man was killed through police brutality, sparking riots all over the world. Governments failed to respond adequately to the COVID crisis, leading to lots of deaths and lockdowns to mitigate the spread of the virus. Injustice and incompetence was seen left, right, and centre.

It took a toll on me.

I was lucky to be able to keep my job during the beginning of the pandemic. I stayed at home, because I really had nowhere to go. The gyms were closed, so were the malls, karaoke bars and restaurants. I wasn’t able to socialize as I expected but that was okay (for the time being); Warzone came out and I played a ton of it with my friends. That’s how my friends and I socialized during the pandemic. We would send messages on the group chat saying, “Hopping on for Warzone at 9, see you there” and it was a routine we got into until summertime.

Lockdowns were eased, cases were going down, the snow was melting and it seemed to be the beginning of brighter and better days. I saw my friends again and I felt happy. I had my job, had an excellent tax return, and I was making money. I felt blessed, lucky, and the days were brighter and longer and I felt hopeful. However, there was something that started to nag me.

Work took a turn for the worse. I started getting lots of projects and was also asked to take over a few of them. Cool, I thought initially. My bosses were starting to think I was getting more responsible. I didn’t find out they laid off a few employees until weeks later. Them giving me more projects was just because they needed to offload the projects.

I started paying more attention to what’s going on around the world, When you can’t go out or see your friends, you turn to the internet and, as I mentioned before, injustice and incompetence were everywhere, you start to ask yourself: “What’s going on? Why does the world seem this bad?” It makes you think. Then you start to get curious. You start researching. You learn and realize that black people go through this everyday. You learn that a lot of the elected leaders in the government were merely puppets for the big corporations, as they were able to get a bailout relatively quickly. We’re in 2021 now and the people in the US government are still arguing whether they should send a $2000 stimulus to its citizens who have been struggling mentally and financially during the pandemic. You start to realize that profits and money mattered more to the people in charge rather than doing the right thing.

Then you start to realize that this was also the only thing that mattered to some of the people closest to you as well. You shake your head in disbelief, ask them how they can justify that. How can you think the system works when your neighbour is struggling to pay their bills, not because they are living beyond their means, but because everything is so profit-driven? Your neighbour has to work two jobs just to provide for their kids, just so they have a roof over their heads...

Maybe I should have gone out for walks more, but I could not ignore the injustices in the world any longer, as it was all over social media, group chats, the news, at work, everywhere. Maybe I should have disconnected more. It was taking a toll on me, but I could not look away. I started to question myself. I started to question my friends. I started to question my employers, who were getting more antsy as they were having to struggle between with keeping the company profitable and keeping clients happy. Additionally a lot of them were not able to take their usual vacations, so this made them sad and frustrated, and they kind of took it out on their employees. Including myself.

My employer at the time asked a coworker to basically ignore some codes and standards to get a project out the door. That can’t be right, I thought. On top of that, my employer has not been kind to my coworker as well. These circumstances caused my coworker to quit. She got a job immediately so I was happy for her. She was able to leave a toxic place and found something better. I understood why she would quit, looking back now, as I was asked to do this once as well just so the company can satisfy their clients. I did not heed that advice and spent a lot of hours in the office trying to make sure the project met codes and standards to the best of my abilities. 

We had a project in the pipeline that required her expertise. Unfortunately, since she left the company, we had no one in the office or in the company that knew how to do this project. I’m not sure what my previous employer’s line of thinking was, but he thought we could do it. By we I mean he thought I, someone whose career just started, could do it. I told him, sure, I mean, with the right guidance and knowledge being passed along, I could do it, but I had no idea where to start. Who was I going to ask questions about this? 

My employer said, ‘I asked someone who knows more about this and they haven’t gotten back to me. Anyway, no one’s going to notice if we’re off by a few inches here and there. I think you’re capable enough to do this in one week.’

‘A week?’

‘Yeah. By the way, I’m going on vacation next week, so I expect this to be done by the time I get back.’

‘I’m not exactly sure how I can get it done in a week when the no one in the office knows how to do this, But..’

Here’s where I should have said no.

‘..but I’ll see what I can do.’

I spent an entire week researching about how to do this project and I did have something penciled in. But the more I researched, the less confident I felt about it going right. I did not have the experience for this, I thought. This is a bit more complex than my boss thinks it is.. maybe I should sit him down when he gets back. I don’t want to finalize this only for us having to redo it because we missed something.

My boss gets back after his vacation. He then asks me on Teams where I was with the project, and whether we could have something to hand in to the client in an hour or so.

I said, ‘no, we’re not done. I did some more research to make sure we did not miss anything, and I think we need to look into this or that. I did not want to finalize this then have it come back for us to redo. I thought it was a waste of time and negligent if I tried to finalize something that the company does not know how to do.’

The next words were the words that caused me to quit my job.

‘That’s not acceptable. What am I supposed to tell my clients?”

I got frustrated once I heard that. So frustrated that I ignored him and took the afternoon and the rest of the week off.

I spent an entire week researching and asking questions on the internet how to do a project, learning that I did not know enough to proceed.. while my boss takes a vacation at his cabin. I started thinking about our previous interactions, his interactions with my coworkers, and at that point, it added up. He really was one of those people who prioritized profits over doing the right thing. The things that my coworkers have been saying about him were true. 

I handed in my notice the week I came back. Two weeks after, I started grieving. I grieved because I felt like a failure. I felt like I handled the situation well, but it felt like a failure on my part. I grieved because people were losing their lives to incompetence by our leaders and through injustice. I grieved because I felt inadequate. I cut contact from my guy friends at the time, who didn’t seem to care and were indifferent about these things, so I turned to my girl friends for support. Am I ever thankful for them.

I grieved for a month. Then, I started taking out my frustrations at video games. I got frustrated at our government for not doing the right thing. COVID cases were on the rise and yet everything was still open like there was no pandemic. People were ignoring COVID, like everything was still fine. I felt so fucking hopeless, I felt like nothing I did mattered. I started getting angry at people for being so fucking selfish, and for not being able to look beyond their noses. I felt angry, hopeless. A big contrast to how I felt at the beginning of the year. I talked about this to my girl friends. They understood how I felt, and were very supportive about it.

Without their support I don’t think I would have mentally recovered. They didn’t judge me or make me feel hopeless. They were amazing through it all. I guess, in a way, to make it up for them, I educated myself about feminism. If most women in your life are so fucking supportive, I feel that you should return the favour and learn about their struggles. I watched a Netflix documentary about it and it really opened my eyes. To summarize how I felt: “I already thought it was bad but holy crap I did not think it was going to be as bad as it is..” at that point, I knew I was going to be an ally for everyone, and told myself that I need to educate myself more about it.

Christmas came and I was just thankful to reach it alive and without COVID. My family and friends are healthy, as well as myself, and I was grateful. At that point we all just wanted to make it through the year for one more week, and start fresh in 2021.

So, that’s my 2020. I didn’t really answer why I’m back.. I didn’t realize I needed to UNLEASH my 2020 experience until I talked to another girl friend. She encouraged me to write as a way to help me improve myself. As a way to track my thoughts and feelings throughout the year. 

To summarize; 2020 started off good, ended bad, realized I deeply disliked the injustices around the world, realized that I needed to forgive myself for my mistakes and that I needed a better support group. Thank you to my girl friends, really, from the bottom of my fucking heart. I also realized that I didn’t like who I was becoming... I’m working on myself to change that.

For 2021, I would like to start writing more. Just start writing about how I felt throughout the day, and my thought processes. I’m also dropping all forms of expectations for 2021 and beyond. Another reason I felt depressed the last 3 months of 2020 is because I expected 2020 to be good to me. It has, in a way, from the lessons it taught me, but man it was NOT the way I expected it to be. 

No expectations, and write more. And also, go outside more. You really need it buddy. And apply to more jobs too. You watched a video about bionics and it moved you. You want the world to be a better place and you want things to be more accessible to everyone. You already learned about the injustices in this world, and you have an excellent educational background to make it better, why not use it?

I think that’s enough writing for today. It’s a fucking mess and I really should have kept writing back then.. oh well. Live and learn.

[clamorbelli]

hey lovelies ! i’m jaz, & i’m here to enter ur lives with my incessant use of the exclamation point & love hearts !!! <3 <3 <3 i love videogames, milkshakes, and i’m currently melting in this uk heat since i’m a simple winter child. pls excuse the parts of my blog that are still messy af, i’m slowly sorting out stats, nav, etc ( all the boring bits ) and trying to make it all look semi-presentable, so whilst i do that there are some key points about my two babies, angelo and noelle, under the cut. i apologise in advance for how long these got! pls don’t hate me ok i’m bad at pArApHrAsInG.

like this if you’d like to plot or feel free to message me either through my ims or on my discord – arcanine#0252 ! 

◟ * ◊ ─  benjamin wadsworth + cismale + he/him » * believe it or not angelo belongs to the mancini family. they are 19 years of age and are known to usually spend their time around magnolia’s coffee shop. the college dropout has been living in victoria for his entire life. the people closest to them describe the heterosexual + capricorn to be +placid and +tenacious as well as -calculated and -faultfinding » ◦ ° jaz, twenty-two, she/her, gmt◝

trigger warnings: death, suicide mention.

meet angelo ! more commonly known as angel by his late mother and those in his super inner circle. youngest of the mancini clan, and now 1/2 of the remaining duo, he’s dropped out of college to keep a close eye on rocco and the family estate in general.

i’ll put more about his past in his biography, since i’d ideally wanna’ iron all the details first, but he was a massive momma’s boy and always has been despite her problems. all you really need to know for plotting is that he’s been in victoria his entire life, except –––

from when he went to college last year !!! wow ! smart boy. angelo actually got accepted into MIT to study biomedical engineering, and for the year or so he was able to attend, he was incredibly passionate. he hated being away from his mom at the time, but he never let it show, as he did with most things.

when she died in late 2018, after only a few months of angelo being enrolled, he was a mess behind closed doors. he found it hard to cope, and even harder to come to terms with the fact he hadn’t been there for her in her final moments, even if it was self-caused. however, not knowing his father’s own mental state, angelo chose to stay in massachusetts, planning to come home for the funeral and that alone.

the news of his father’s suicide came not long after, though angelo’s reaction to that was far less visceral. he chose to come home only for a week, to see how his brother was and to attend funerals and events, mind falling straight into business mode and making sure to give his brother a long list of things he needed to keep an eye on. angelo had faith that rocco would handle things for the next two years whilst he graduated. things fell apart quick.

he continued to attend MIT for as long as he could, but news of rocco’s lifestyle and attitude always slinked its way down the grapevine to angelo, the nineteen year old boy at the university of his dreams. for him, a loyal mancini til’ the grave and a child who’d lost his mother, the choice to drop out of university wasn’t difficult. he left at the end of his first year, at the end of june, and has been home ever since. the staff tried to stop him, his circle of friends tried to stop him, but the choice had been made. he was going back to victoria.

does he resent his brother for what he’s had to do? not at all, he could never resent his best friend, but angelo would be lying if he said victoria was where he wanted to be. he’s now working closely with the current family accountant, being alongside him so he can keep the closest eye possible on the family finances and know what kind of deals and discussions he can afford possible business partners. it’s not surprising most turn their noses up at a nineteen year old trying to make business deals, but most are thrown onto their asses when he speaks.

PERSONALITY –––

angel is... kinda difficult? but also compared to his brother, he’s super easy to deal with. he’s a bit icy, but he doesn’t do it to ‘keep people away’ or anything like that, it’s just his natural demeanour, and he always appreciates people who aren’t bothered by his cool attitude at first and are willing to forge a friendship with him of some kind, though his persona in general naturally rubs people the wrong way.

he’s incredibly calm, and there’s very little that can be said or done to provoke any kind of reaction related to anger out of him.

he doesn’t like failure, but he is of the mindset that it makes you better as a person. however he despises people who let their failures or traumas affect them massively as people, so much so to the point where it affects their success. that’s one thing angelo has inherited from his father, his drive. his greed for succeeding. money isn’t the goal here, power is.

he’s practically a prodigy. his intelligence is off the scale and whilst 50% of that is natural ability, the other 50% is his own hard work and diligence. he’s not afraid to let you know how smart he is, nor will he accept anyone trying to tell him he’s only where he is because of his family. he seriously works his ass off, so much so you’d forget his family’s already wealthy and think he’s gone some kind of debt to pay off. angel’s always working on something, always scribbling away some kind of idea in his notebooks or planning something.

literally never stops pointing out faults in other people, thanks angel.

tends to think entirely with his head and is good at pushing emotion out of the equation 99% of the time. he’s very, very logical, plans pretty much all of his day, every day. spontaneity isn’t a word in his vocabulary and he doesn’t think his life is any worse off without it.

he has a penchant for pastries and good coffee and so you can nearly always find him these days at magnolia’s coffee shop. he enjoys his own company and therefore is usually alone, but won’t turn down the company of a friend so long as they don’t speak. at all.

◟ * ◊ ─  phoebe tonkin + cisfemale + she/her » * believe it or not noelle mercier is working for the bianchi family. they are 28 years of age and are known to usually spend their time around crystal woods. the escort, who has been a part of the alliance for 3 years, has been living in victoria for 4 years. the people closest to them describe the bisexual + pisces to be +tenderhearted and +intuitive as well as -pithless and -elusive » ◦ ° jaz, twenty-two, she/her, gmt◝

trigger warnings: death, sex work, suicidal thoughts, predatory behaviour, murder.

disclaimer: noelle’s soft. as fuck.

she was born in the south of france to two very french parents. she grew up there for most of her young life, living idyllically with little care. she was brought up to be kind and compassionate. her mother ran a sanctuary for local, injured wildlife and her father was a passionate journalistic photographer who travelled the world. she was exposed to culture, love, and nature when she was younger, and it shows to this day.

life was not to be all sunshine and rainbows for noelle. at sixteen, her father got caught up in a warzone, shot in action and killed on the spot. noelle’s mother experienced a complete psychotic breakdown, unable to look after herself, let alone noelle. the young girl watched, helpless, as the woman she had admired for so many years disappeared, taking the final memories of her beloved father with her. noelle was sent to live with her aunt in america, a continent that didn’t favour girls as gentle as her.

she quickly realised her only friend and ally in this new place was her cousin, louisa. her aunt was a horrible, hard woman who seemed to hate both of the girls with a seething passion, and her uncle leered at noelle whenever he could, copping feels and whispering inappropriate nothings into her ear. noelle and louisa protected each other, spent most of their nights out, eventually finding trouble.

noelle met him when she was on the brink of turning eighteen. maybe that’s what he used to justify it in a state where the age of consent was 16. robert misfer was rich. he was the diamond in their city. he paid for everything and anything anyone could ever want. he got whatever he wanted, and he wanted noelle. she was young, she was impressionable, and she fell so madly in love with someone she thought was her prince. they dated for four years when she should’ve been with boys her age. he had a wife and kids. she had her high school diploma. he put her through university. she answered his every beck and call. louisa tried her best to stop her, but what could she say? robert took noelle from the prying eyes of her uncle. in noelle’s eyes, they weren’t the same.

sometime during this whole ordeal robert bought noelle and louisa an apartment, allowing them their independence at the cost of noelle’s dignity.

until one day, robert disappeared. he had moved away with his family the day after noelle’s graduation. she was destroyed. she couldn’t do anything for weeks straight, louisa could do nothing except convince her to keep living – and eventually, she began to recover.

that was when louisa revealed a secret – cam work. noelle was in a bad place, she was  a beautiful young woman who felt unloved and unwanted, so louisa suggested she cam on the side for cash. louisa didn’t realise just how desperate noelle was for love, the love she had replaced with the attention she gained from her fans.

she worked as a cam girl for years, doing it partly for the money, partly for the enjoyment she got from feeling empowered, and partly for the toxic reason of finally being able to get the affection and attention she wanted. she loved being a cam girl, it was her whole life, until word got out in their neighbourhood.

they shunned noelle. treated her as if she should’ve been ashamed of what she’d been doing despite the fact they all did much worse behind closed doors. she withdrew into herself again for a week, stopped streaming completely and closed down her account. it rocked her fanbase but noelle could hardly cope. she wasn’t built to receive criticism like this, especially criticism for something that had brought her so much joy, something she saw nothing wrong with.

it all came to a head one night. noelle had locked herself in her room when her aunt and uncle came to their apartment, demanding to see her and berate her for what she’d done. louisa stood at the front door, defiant, radiant, beautifully strong... but she was no match for their horrendous uncle, her own father, who beat his own daughter with his bare hands until she couldn’t breathe. noelle witnessed it all, had left her room when she heard the screams, held her cousin – no, her sister – in her arms as she died on their living room floor. her uncle had disappeared by the time the police arrived, and once the police themselves learned of noelle’s job? they could barely afford her a drop of respect. louisa’s death went unpunished. the world continued revolving. noelle was lost.

the harassment eventually got so bad that she had no choice but to move, but where was she even supposed to start? it’s not like she had any family anymore, all of her friends had long since abandoned her to avoid the fallout of knowing her, and the last boyfriend she’d had... well, we all know how that went. it wasn’t until she stumbled upon an old newspaper clipping tucked away in her cousins belongings that she knew where to go – victoria.

as morbid as it was, the newspaper clipping described the deaths of fifty of the victoria residents at the bronze, and noelle knew immediately it was where she needed to be. no one would judge her there. it was a place seeped full of history that people daren’t speak of. it was somewhere she could hide, and that’s what noelle did best.

she successfully moved to victoria four years ago, where she finally restarted her cam girl career. eventually, after a year, someone involved with the bianchi family sought her out and offered her the job of a lifetime. not only was noelle protected as an escort, she earned much more money. whilst in her day to day life she was still awkward and shy, her camming allowed her to separate her job from her personal life, letting her focus on her goal of making people happy and making her a very effective escort. 

she loves animals! loves nature! wiccan! this will all be in her stats but like !!!! U NEED TO KNOW !!!!!

PERSONALITY –––

noelle, despite everything, is perhaps the most tenderhearted person you could meet. she’s gentle, trusting, and patient. she treats everyone as if they’re the most precious person in the world and looks at everything with a sense of wonder and amazement. she’s v generous, just loves !!! helping people !!!

wishes she was a princess and is waiting for a prince to sweep her off her feet. i’m not joking. literally loves love and romanticises everything like jesus shut up noelle please. 

she has no backbone. her parents, and then louisa, were her backbone for her entire life, protecting her and coddling her until it was too late for her to develop a spine of her own. she allows people to walk all over her with no consequence, lets them use her until there is nothing of her left, and she’s the one forced to rebuild. but it doesn’t matter, if the other person is happy, that’s all noelle wants.

she’s surprisingly elusive and distant about her past. whilst her warmth radiates into every part of her life and other people’s lives, noelle... doesn’t talk about her past, where she’s from, and if the conversation ever veers that way she’s a pro at steering it differently. no one ever thinks anything of it because of how open she seems to be, but truthfully she’s incredibly private, nobody truly knows much about her of worth at all.

she’s pretty emotional (shock) and cries a fairly decent amount. she doesn’t deal well with being shouted at or scolded, but she does well at hiding her tears in those situations and has learned to separate that from when people are genuinely pissed at her. she cries more when people are in pain, are upset, or if someone’s genuinely hurt her.

that’s it

it’s over

thank god

[aion-rsa]

Meyers Leonard’s Call of Duty Twitch Slur Proves Voice Chat Still Needs to Grow Up

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While streaming Call of Duty on Twitch earlier this week, NBA player Meyers Leonard used an anti-semitic slur to deride an opponent. Despite his apparent attempt to delete the video, the internet discovered what happened and quickly spread footage of the moment. The response to Leonard’s use of the slur has been swift.

The following day, the Miami Heat announced that Leonard will be “away from the team indefinitely” and that the team will “cooperate with the NBA while it conducts its investigation.” Furthermore, two of Leonard’s sponsorers (Origin and SCUF) announced that they have “ceased” their “working relationship” with the player/streamer. eSports organization FaZe Clan (which Leonard previously invested in) also recently announced that they are “cutting ties” with him following this incident.

Since that stream and some of the resulting fallout, Leonard released the following statement regarding his use of the slur:

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

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A post shared by Meyers Leonard (@meyersleonard)

While there are many comments below that post (and the other places it has been shared) from people who say they also did not know the word that Leonard used was racist (we will not share that word here), it is nearly impossible to suggest that Leonard was entirely ignorant to what he was saying. Not only did he use the word in a moment of frustration, but he used it alongside the word “bitch.” That would tend to suggest that Leonard knew that whatever he was saying was designed to be hurtful at the very least.

As is typically the case with incidents such as these, the sheer scope of what’s being dealt with can feel insurmountable. Those of us who take time to consider our words sometimes find it hard to find the right ones that allow us to even start a conversation about the extent of such racism and ignorance in modern society and how it impacts so much of where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re going.

For the moment, though, let’s focus on just one element of this situation that has been ignored for too long: the consistent toxicity of Call of Duty‘s voice chat culture and how little anyone seems to be doing about it.

While racism and toxic behavior are hardly issues that are limited to Call of Duty (far from it), it’s truly tragic that the very idea of CoD voice chat is practically synonymous with those concepts. For years, fans have been uploading videos to YouTube compiling the worst racism that they’ve encountered in the game. With some of these videos getting hundreds of thousands of views, you’d almost think there are some fans out there who celebrate the series’ legacy of racism and toxicity.

In a way, that’s exactly what’s happening. While that idea is clearly reflected in those who actively engage in such behavior (such as Meyers Leonard), the most troubling sign of how bad things have gotten may just be the fans who continuously claim that Call of Duty voice chat isn’t nearly as bad as it used to be and that anyone who is offended by Leonard’s actions should have heard what lobbies were like in the days of Modern Warfare and Modern Warfare 2.

Along with the disturbing idea that people are somehow becoming nostalgic for even worse days, that sentiment touches on fundamental issues that we still deal with when combating racism in society. Namely, it seems to support the idea that there’s only so far we can progress when combating racism and that so long as things aren’t quite so bad (or at least different) as they used to be, then there’s really no need to keep trying to make things better.

There’s also a disturbing implication in that philosophy that’s hard to ignore. When someone brings up the idea of racism or toxicity, it’s generally counterproductive to name something even worse that could have happened. It’s almost like those gamers are responding to calls of racism with the threat of more racism.

Part of the sometimes unspoken problem here is that there does seem to be a baseline level of toxicity that enough people are willing to go along with. Even if you could get the majority of Call of Duty players to agree that using certain phrases in voice chat is wrong, you’re going to start losing people when you suggest increasingly stricter measures designed to prevent such things from being said in the future. That’s when you start hearing complaints about freedom of speech, censorship, and the idea that this is all just coming from people who can’t handle “trash talk.”

Because of that, there seems to be a “floor” for this kind of toxicity that just isn’t going anywhere. Even in Leonard’s statement, there’s an implication that if he had just been toxic to another player rather than racist and toxic, then there wouldn’t have been a problem. He says there’s “no running from something like this that is so hurtful to someone else,” but there’s the sense that what he means is that he’s more interested in learning what words he can get away with and not the hate, ignorance, and anger that caused many of those words to become so harmful in the first place.

So far as that goes, a big part of the problem here is what’s not being done. Call of Duty‘s player reporting system has gotten more robust over the years, but, by some developers’ own admission, there were long stretches of time when not enough was being done to truly combat the problem. For instance, Warzone/Modern Warfare developer Infinity Ward acknowledged and attempted to address certain issues stemming from racism (around the time of the Black Lives Matter protests) by revealing additional steps they are taking to combat racist behavior/language in their games:

pic.twitter.com/o2nR4ZNQL0

— Infinity Ward (@InfinityWard) June 3, 2020

Have these actions helped? Doing something is typically better than doing nothing, and there are certainly some who would argue that they’ve seen improvements here and there. However, as evidenced by Warzone‘s consistent cheating problems, mass bans only go so far. With a free-to-play game like Warzone, it’s fairly easy for someone who was banned to create a new account and continue doing whatever you were doing that got them banned in the first place. Much like how CoD‘s cheating problem is partially based on the game’s lack of a unified, universal anti-cheat program, there’s a sense that part of CoD‘s toxicity issues is based on a lack of underlying systems and philosophies designed to truly combat it.

Besides, of all the sponsors, teams, individuals, and platforms (including Twitch) that have issued statements and bans regarding Leonard’s actions, the Call of Duty development/publishing teams are (at the time of this writing) not among them. This has led some to say things like “Well, you can’t expect them to address every instance of racism in their games.” When you’re falling back on that argument, you’ve got to wonder what, exactly, you’re arguing for.

This is part of the reason why so many of us have simply chosen to mute chat in video games or otherwise rely on private Discord servers to chat with friends. It can be effective, but like so many elements of modern society, it’s an example of how we’ve had to concede a piece of social technology that could be beneficial because it’s swarming with racism, ignorance, and hate. Every player that mutes Call of Duty chat because of racism and toxicity is a player who could have used that chat to offer something more productive. People say we can’t eliminate trash talk (so why bother?), but we seem to be doing a pretty good job of eliminating constructive chat from multiplayer video games.

What’s the answer to this problem? I wish I knew what the simplest solution is, but as this issue continues across gaming and societal generations, it’s becoming clear that the core of this issue is going to rely on more individuals using those freedoms we sometimes hear used to justify this kind of behavior as an opportunity to exercise their individual right to grow up. Failing that, then it’s past time for Activision and its Call of Duty development partners to take a long look at the culture they’ve curated through their inactions and actions and reexamine whether or not they’ve quietly accepted a fundamentally toxic culture that will be impossible to move past until it is destroyed via consequences and serious systematic change.

The post Meyers Leonard’s Call of Duty Twitch Slur Proves Voice Chat Still Needs to Grow Up appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[djdsagalagweg123123123]

This is my Overwatch self-insert/oc, zhen!

Full name: Nian-Zhen Qin (秦念真, Qín Niàn Zhèn)

→ her first name means ‘a belief in truthfulness’ and her last name is the same last name as the emperor who ordered the great wall of china to be built. it’s meant to be kinda ironic and foreshadow her future

Nicknames: Zhen, Jen/Zen (English name)

Codename: Milkman (in her own organization), Zhen (Overwatch) → ngl she was tempted to change it bc no one took it seriously at first → Zhen is pronounced using the ‘xi’ sound (like in xion)

Age: 32 (biologically a year younger than genji and a year older than mei)

Zodiac sign: Aries

Gender: Female

Sexual orientation: Pansexual

Ethnicity: Chinese

Languages: several, most notably English and Mandarin Chinese

Species: Human

Place of birth: Beijing, China

●Physical●

Body type: fucking buff. kinda short? ~163cm

Birthmarks/freckles/moles/scars: Freckles along the bridge of her nose from sun exposure. No notable scars.

Tattoos/piercings: She gets her first tattoo in honor of the passing of a friend, the coordinates of their place of death which also eventually becomes the location of a safehouse that contains a Doomsday plan of sorts.

Voice: She has a non-distinct voice with no accent that conveys her emotions rather well. I think I would want Trina Nishimura to voice her, who also does the voices for Kyoka (Boku No Hero) and Mikasa (Attack on Titan).

●Abilities●

Milk: Zhen always has a few bottles of ‘milk.’ While not actually milk, this healing formula is often referred to as such due to its milky white color. It’s a healing potion filled with nutrients and vitamins. Effects vary with potency. Comes in several different flavors: original, almond, soy, strawberry, banana, and chocolate. Contains no lactose.

110% - a condensed formula that is more potent than the original. can heal large amounts, fortify health, and replace normal rations. caffeinated and addictive. reserved for emergencies or extremely long missions. to avoid side effect like mood swings, irritability, anxiety, restlessness, drink at most one pint in a day with water.

100% - the original formula. contains all the nutrients needed for a full day of activity. meant to replace soldier rations. can heal large amounts, promote strength building. usually contains caffeine.

75% - give as rations to rebels and civilians immediately post-disaster. diluted to prevent side-effects in case of overdose. can replace meals completely up to a week or supplement meals for a month. non-addictive.

25% - given to children and immunocompromised. fortified with extra vitamins, antibiotics and minerals. can strengthen immune system. meant to replace mother’s milk for infants, any age can drink. non-addictive.

Milkshake and Malt: When heading into enemy territory, whether it’s rescuing civilians or teammates trapped behind lines, Zhen always goes in equipped with a blaster and a collapsible shield she nicknamed Milkshake and Malt, respectively. She tries to avoid using these. → Yes, everything she does has some weird dairy-related element. No, she doesn’t like milk that much. She will only drink milk with her cereal. She likes ice cream though, but she likes gelato more.

Strength, Speed, and Agility: Zhen is incredibly strong and agile. She’s got super buff arms and legs because she needs to be able to get places fast on foot, while carrying her milk to distribute or others to safety.

First Aid: Zhen is trained in first aid, carries a kit with her, and can patch others up if no field doctor is available. For certain missions, she adjusts her kit based on the mission. On distribution runs, she’ll carry antiseptic ointments and bandages, while on rescue missions into active warzones, she’ll carry a biotic field generator.

Driving: Zhen is a superb driver. She was an official hero, her ult would be running you over with a transportation truck. She skilled in evacuations and figuring out how to squeeze double the people in a normal sized car. (the trick is to get an open air trunk and put someone back there). Zhen can also pilot planes, boats, and semi-trucks.

 ●Bio●

tl;dr ver: Zhen is from a rich family but rebelled and started her own organization. She joins Overwatch in the place of a close friend who passed away before recall. 

Birth and Raising (Birth - 10 years old)

Nian-Zhen Qin was born in Beijing, China as the heiress to QinCorp, the world’s largest shipping and distribution company that also has strongholds in several other industries, like factory production, medicine, and weapons. From a young age, she was groomed to become a powerhouse. She had access to the best education money could provide- private tutors, textbooks, hands-on immersive experiences unavailable to most people. At ten years old, she was considered a genius. But her emotional growth was horribly stunted. Because of this pampering, she was horribly sheltered and superficial.

Zhen travelled the world in style and became a young social media figure, with millions of followers swooning over her lavish life. Movie premiers, fashion shows, award ceremonies - she’s been attending those since she was just a young child. She starred in movies as the precocious child or cute little sister. She had her own children’s fashion line and modeled it when it first came out. All of her baby pictures are online somewhere.

The Shimadas (12-18 years old)

Zhen’s mother asked her to meet her in Hanamura - there was some people she wanted her to meet. Zhen assumed it would be another one of her important business partners. By now, she had met all sorts of important people, so she assumed this would be the same thing. She will shake his hand, act well-spoken, go to dinner, and be on her best behavior. And afterwards, someone will comment on how well-behaved she was. It was the same routine every time. Young Zhen was surprised when she was introduced to Hanzo and Genji Shimada.

This was the first time Zhen spent time with anyone near her own age. Hanzo and Genji were the first true friends she had. Zhen continued to visit Genji and Hanzo, solidifying their relationship.

Meeting Genji and Hanzo was the start of a rebellious portion of her life. She decided to spent the rest of her adolescence living in Japan to spend more time with the two, but was allowed only under the condition that she give up her other creative endeavors and focused on her studies. Zhen disappeared from the public’s eye when she was 13.

Genji, Hanzo, and Zhen had an odd relationship that became strained as they grew up. As Hanzo took on more responsibilities, he spent less time with them. As Zhen’s studies intensified, however, she would always make time for Genji. And Genji the Playboy, busy at clubs and girls, would always make Zhen his number one priority.

Genji and Zhen both ran away at first when the responsibilities that come with their lavish lifestyles appeared on the horizon. Topics like marriage, succession, and training came up. Genji would continue to avoid them, throwing himself in his playboy lifestyle, but Zhen accepted it. She was very well aware that their time together would end soon, since she would eventually begin seriously studying to become the next head of her family business. When Zhen became attending meetings as her mother’s successor to QinCorp, she lost contact with Genji.

Re-meeting Genji (Age 23)

The next few years of her life were fast yet unmemorable. Unable to contact the person who had become her closest friend, Zhen found herself in a sort of depression, unable to find happiness in the things she previously enjoyed. And so she threw herself into her work. Zhen was making business deals, growing company stock, pleasing investors, and all of the sort. She focused on proving herself time and time again that she would be a suitable successor.

All that mattered to her was upkeeping her family legacy. Zhen knew her place in the world, her place in QinCorp. A gala was thrown to celebrate her 23rd birthday and to officially welcome into the company’s board of directors. At the end of the night, she received a message that someone wanted to see her on the balcony - it was urgent.

--> “Seeing that shock of green hair shook her to her core. It was a quiet encounter; their eyes meeting for the first time in five years. Genji looked as youthful as ever. Zhen felt she aged twice as quickly compared to him. Same hair, same mischievous look in his eyes, same goddamn smirk that showed up whenever he picked up that dumb girl at the club. Ugh, what did he see in her? Why does he go after every big set of boobs? And never mine? They spent the rest of the night together. I missed you. I missed you too. I miss being with you. So did I. Such words went unspoken that night. They didn’t need to be said out loud. Genji wanted to spend the morning after with her. Zhen couldn’t - she had meetings all throughout the day. Family responsibility comes first after all. By the time, she returned, he was gone. Zhen would have agreed to spend every morning with him if he just asked. “

Regular correspondence between the two began, but a month later, Genji passed away. Zhen dropped everything to fly out to attend his funeral. Finding out Hanzo was the one who killed him surprised her, to say the least. Hanzo was missing and Zhen, distraught, didn’t bother to seek him out.

Realizing how corrupt the system is and leaving (Age 23-24)

She was angry, she was sad, she didn’t know what to do. She dealt with her feelings the only way she knew how - by ignoring them and going to work.

Zhen entered as the Vice-President of the Board of Directors. She, by choice, remained in the shadow’s of the company, working from behind the scenes and justified it to the directors by saying she had outgrown her love for the camera. It was because she didn’t care for it anymore.

A year into her term, there was a workers’ strike at one of QinCorp’s newest factories. Apparently, the factory head couldn’t negotiate terms with the head of the striker and Zhen decided to take action herself. She flew to the factory only to find that the factory head didn’t actually attempt a discussion. They fired the protesting workers and hired a new set from the town over.

This discrepancy wasn’t the only thing that shocked Zhen. One of the reasons the workers were protesting was because of the factory’s effects on the environment. The factory had only been operating for about six months, but the river was completely murky and the sky was hidden in smog.

When Zhen brought these issues to the board, she immediately put forth a new policy that would shut down all their factories and move all funds to research and development of cleaner methods of manufacture until newer technology could be implemented. The board threatened to boot her from the company because of her extreme views.

Word of what Zhen was trying to do spread. Every QinCorp worker went on strike to support her. Before, they were forced to suffer quietly because they needed that job to feed themselves and their families. But, now they knew that someone high up was on their side. It was a worldwide revolution, and Zhen was the symbol.

Everyday, the directors grew more and more anxious. Everyday, more money was lost, more people were joining the revolution, and more pressure was put on them to follow Zhen’s command. Every day the factories are shut down, the stock markets takes a blow and several countries fall into recession. Markets and governments were being destabilized. International trade was halted.

Blackwatch was called in to remove the de facto icon, and Genji was sent to eliminate her.

But he couldn’t bring himself do it. He infiltrated her home and warned of the plot against her. He told her he agreed with what she was doing to protect the people and that he would help her escape if she swore to never return to her home or to her company. Zhen agreed. She knew her disappearance from the world would not be the end of the revolution she had ignited. She asked who he was and if they would ever meet again. Genji told her that who he was was unimportant, and that they might meet again when the time is right.

So with nothing but the clothes on her back and a handful of bills, she left her father’s house, his company, and his legacy, never to return. The next day’s headlines spoke of a fire in the Qin mansion. Nian-Zhen Qin, former actress, model, and revolutionary company director, passed away that night. A body was never recovered and a funeral was held later that week.

Having left the public eye when she was 14 made it easy for Zhen to blend in. She left Beijing and travelled to Guangzhou where several underground groups against QinCorp were taking hold. Zhen had caught wind of one of QinCorp’s lab entering testphase with a miracle drug and seeked out help to break in and steal the formula. She knew that QinCorp was going to sell the drug to whatever organization or government could pay the most money for it. Rumor has it was that the starting bid was going to be 400 billion Chinese yuan (60 billion USD). Zhen wanted to steal the formula, produce it with her own means, and distribute it for free worldwide.

Building MODhome (26-31)

Zhen spent two years integrating herself into her new community. She went by Zhen Lee to avoid recognition. From the shadows of the underground, she watch news of the riots and strikes disappear from international news, but knew that in reality, they were still very much alive. Normally, Overwatch would step it to mediate such discussion, but with the ratification of the Petras Act, that was no longer possible. Although factories opened up again, dialogue on how to increase workers’ rights and protections began. At least that was what the QinCorp reported to the public. Zhen knew better than to believe whatever lies that company spewed.

With the miracle finishing testing phase, Zhen and a team consisting of herself, a former Overwatch agent that lent themself to the cause, and a number of rebels, broke in. It was a quiet in and out operation. No alarms were set off, no evidence of their activity was left behind.

Within the year, they secured a production and distribution operation that sent bottles upon bottles of a modified version of the stole drug to rebel forces all over the world. The drug had several names that varied with region - Renegade’s water, Rebel’s Calpico, Yakult but not really...some were catchier than others. Zhen referred to it as Milk.

Over the next five years, Zhen expanded their activities by providing support to not only rebels against QinCorp, but also to areas affected by war, natural disaster, and climate change. It was during this time in her life when she gained most of her current practical skill set: driving, self-defense, and first aid. It was also a period of exponential personal growth. She has formed real connections with people and felt like what she was doing was important. She enjoyed going on field missions, making personal deliveries and find meaning in the connections she made.

This organization was eventually named MODop, short for mitigation of disaster operations. Many refer to it as simply MOD.

Recall (31)

Zhen became extremely close to the group of people that helped her steal the formula - particularly the former Overwatch agent - and would frequently go on missions together. One day, the pair was sent on a rescue mission. The objective was to lead a group of agents to retrieve citizens from a small town’s bomb shelter. It was supposed to take place during a four hour window that was predicted to have no bomb activity - no planes were supposed to fly in, nothing was planted on the ground, it would ideally take less time than the window allowed.

Her ally was outside when the bombs that weren’t supposed to be dropped were dropped. Zhen was in the shelter, organizing people to get them in transportation trucks when she saw a bright flash and felt the earth shaking. She knew immediately what had happened and realized that they couldn’t be more vulnerable. The planes aimed for the trucks of civilians outside. She did her best to hurriedly usher everyone not on a truck back inside, but she couldn’t do anything to help her partner and the rest of her team.

The mission failed. Zhen was the only agent that survived. The organization mourned the loss of civilian lives, several agents, and a founding member. She mourned the loss of her team and her closest friend and ally. She’s failed missions before, but there was always a bright side and something to learn. But what could she learn from this failure? What could have she done differently to prevent the death of her friend? She took a temporary leave from missions.

Zhen inherited her fallen comrades’ items. She still wonders why it was her name in the will and not anyone else’s, Why her and not family or older friends? It wasn’t much, just a box of their old clothes, some books, and a communicator from their Overwatch days. She kept them in a corner of her room, refusing to go through them and accept her partner’s death.

When word of the Recall reached via her fallen comrade’s communicator, she decided she would seek out and join Overwatch in their place. It was the least she could do after all they did for her.

●Notable Relationships●

Genji: Childhood friend, past lover

Hanzo: Childhood friend, but drifted apart

Mercy: Met in a refugee camp, worked together to transport victims of war. Close friends and allies

Unnamed former overwatch agent: Ally, co-founded MOD

Mei: Zhen met Mei when she was lecturing at a university Zhen was visiting. It was girl crush at first sight for Zhen. Mei at the time was seven years older than her, so Zhen didn’t do much to pursue it. They talked a lot about papers, science, and tv shows! They were good friends despite the age gap! The last time Zhen saw Mei was at the airport, saying goodbye to Mei as she left for Watchpoint: Antarctica. 

●Notes●

Pokemon AU: Miltank, Bisharp, Chansey

Myth AU: Witch/Seelie

Zhen’s father was a scientist who married Zhen’s mother because he actually loved her. He emphasized how important a good education is Zhen during the years of her life when he was present. He divorced Zhen’s mother when Zhen was 8 and didn’t try to get custody of Zhen because he knew she would be happier with her mother who could reliably provide.

Zhen has two bachelors degrees (environmental science, business).

[emubop]

Adding on to my post from yesterday, I’m just gonna list all the issues I have with Disco (a separate list of the things I love soon to come!)

Under a cut for length and for spoilers. Seriously. Major spoilers ahead. And tw for discussions of character death, if that bothers you.

With that in mind, let’s get to it! (This is in no particular order, btw.)

Starting with the last two episodes, since they’re pretty fresh in my mind - they felt very rushed. I’ve seen some people say that the season should have ended right when they got back from the mirrorverse, and I completely agree. The final arc felt like it needed at least two more episodes to be fleshed out. I wanted to see more of the characters actually dealing with what happened in the mirrorverse, and having time for development; and while we got a little bit of that between Michael and Ash, it wasn’t very much. And like, I get why. When you’ve only got two episodes to get the plot where you need it to go, of course character development is going to be sacrificed for time. Which is why I think they should have either a) added more episodes to the end of season one, or b) ended the season with the mirror arc, so that they’d have more time to explore the Klingon war thing at the beginning of season 2. Disco has some very wonderful characters who are very deserving of development and growth, and it’s unfortunate that they didn’t get it.

Culber’s death... This is the main point where I’m like “yeah, I don’t blame you for not liking the show anymore,” because I came very close to that too. In the end, I do still think I like the rest of the show overall, but this part... I just about stopped watching. In short - the way the show treated Dr. Culber was absolutely shitty. Sure, I’m like 99% certain they’ll end up bringing him back in season 2, but in the meantime, he’s still very much dead. And NOT ONLY did they use the “bury your gays” trope, but out of only TWO gay characters, they buried the man of color. Like... that’s just... what the fuck.

I’m expanding this into multiple points, bc it’s the biggest point I have. Culber’s death is legitimately the worst thing Disco has done. Not only just the fact that they killed him, but how they did it. His death was violent, sudden, and meaningless. The main characters barely even get to react to it before moving on. His killer doesn’t face trial or repercussions. (Note - I personally see Voq as being entirely the murderer and not Tyler, since Tyler had no agency in the killing and was if anything just a tool, but either way, no justice is served.) And then we, the audience, have to see the brutal killing scene AGAIN in the “previously on” section of the next episode or two, which makes it seem like they’re using this horrific event as mere shock value. I literally felt sick to my stomach watching it. What happened was disgusting, and I can’t blame anyone for not wanting to watch the show anymore because of it.

I trust Wilson Cruz. I trust Anthony Rapp. I trust them when they say that there’s a plan, that Culber will come back, that this will work out at some point. Their reassurances do help me personally to make some measure of peace with the situation. I don’t want to think that two openly gay actors would sign onto the script if this is how it ends between their characters. But right now, Culber is still dead, for no good reason that I can see, and it still stings. This is justifiably upsetting. And until I see him come back with my own two eyes, yeah, I’m not gonna be happy about it.

Aaaaand speaking of death, let’s talk about Georgiou. I just... that’s not a good way to start your show off, ngl. You take a very strong and deep character, played by Michelle Yeoh no less, and then just kill her? It’s bad writing. They could have easily had Michael transferred off the Shenzhou and arrested and kept Captain Georgiou alive. They could have even kept the whole “tragic backstory” thing in play, with Michael and Philippa no longer on speaking terms, and Michael mourning the loss of what was once such a close relationship. (I do appreciate that they brought her back as her mirror counterpart - and boy howdy the Emperor is a good character - so that does take a little bit of the sting out, but still. Not the best way to open the show.)

And then Landry dies in both universes?? I can accept mirror!Landry dying because of the whole “Lorca’s second hand” thing, but like... god, this show has got to stop killing off poc. Especially woc. I can understand that they’re trying to do a “raceblind” thing, and I understand their reasoning - the whole “it’s a utopian future and everyone is treated the same!” thing - but it doesn’t really work like that irl for the audience. Unless someone is actually literally colorblind and sees everything in greyscale, no one has any business saying they “don’t see color.” And no one should be casting with that mindset. The situation could certainly be a lot worse - they’ve got Michael, at least, and she’s fucking amazing - but it could also be better.

And yeah, it’s a warzone, and people are going to die. I get that. But just... do some critical thinking about who you’re killing, why, and if it can be avoided. If for no other reason, it makes the story a lot stronger in the long run.

It’s the year of our lord twenty-gayteen, can we stop having the makeup on white people playing Kingons being so hmmm questionable maybe?

(With regards to several of the above points, I’m white, so please let me know if I’m overstepping my bounds here. And like the point about Culber - I wouldn’t blame anyone for disliking/not supporting the show because of these reasons, and I’m not ever going to try to convince anyone that these things are okay. Because they aren’t. Just because I like certain elements enough to give the show a second chance with season two, doesn’t mean that anyone else will or should do the same. Continuing.)

Why the fuck is this show so obsessed with eating people? Stop it. Get some help.

The only explicitly bisexual/pansexual person we see is the Emperor, who sleeps with both a man and a woman and seems very satisfied with both parties afterwards. Which, okay, cool, except she was also trying to get information out of them, so whether or not she was even attracted to either one is debatable. I personally think she was - thanks to Michelle Yeoh’s acting, which is a goddamn gift - but that still leaves us with the only representation of bi/pan people being a murderous emperor from the mirror universe. And the “relationship” is entirely sex-based, as well as being with multiple people at once, which only furthers the stereotype of bi/pan being promiscuous, being only bi for a threesome, being untrustworthy. And to be clear, there’s nothing wrong with one night stands or poly relationships! Those things are perfectly fine! But when that’s all that bi/pan people are shown as, it can play into really damaging stereotypes - and as a bi/pan person, I’m frankly getting a little fucking sick of it.

(I mean, it’s better than DS9′s “mirrorverse=gay/bi/pan” thing, I’ll give it that, but I’m not going to give any show brownie points for reinforcing harmful stereotypes. You’ve improved slightly, Trek, but not nearly as much as you should have.)

I’m just making another point here for Dr. Culber’s death because seriously. Fucking seriously. What the fuck.

I would’ve liked to have seen more one-off episodes, like “Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad.” That was a fucking awesome episode. It’s fun! It’s got character development! I wanna see more of that!

The portrayal of Klingon culture is a bit inconsistent. And okay, to be entirely truthful, I’m really not that into Klingons in general? So having a plot centered around them wouldn’t be my first choice anyway. But if you’re going to do it, please do it right. It felt like the writers sometimes “forgot” important elements of Klingon culture for the sake of the plot, and just... come on. The Klingons are brutal warriors, yes. They’ve killed innocent civilians in the course of battle, sure. But they have a whole honor code, and going out of their way to murder thousands of helpless, defenseless people? Correct me if I’m wrong, but it just doesn’t quite seem to fit.

I really, really wanna see more of the bridge crew! I wanna get to know them! They seem so cool who are they please Disco I’m begging you

This is a very dumb, very tiny thing, but I was kinda hoping I’d see some Cardassian makeup in the crowd while we were in the Seedy Black Market on Qo’noS. Did appreciate the Trill lady tho!

I dunno, the ending almost felt... too neat? If that makes sense? I would have liked things more ambiguous, a few more loose ends. It felt like they threw in a happy ending out of nowhere; it didn’t really match the tone of the rest of the show.

Speaking of tone - it felt to me like Disco was trying to mix the upbeat, thoughtful, philosophical tone of classic Trek with the grittier, more critical, more heavy tone of DS9. I love both classic Trek and DS9, but they don’t exactly mix very well. Disco’s tone felt a bit confused and convoluted. And like, here’s the thing - classic Trek doesn’t preclude heavy subjects (”Conscience of the King” from TOS is a great example), and shows like DS9 don’t preclude fun and optimism (there’s episodes like “Explorers” that are uplifting, and “Take Me Out to the Holosuite” is a fucking delight). Star Trek at its best should always tackle difficult issues, should always have determination, should always have hope. DS9 had a more morally gray outlook, yes, and certainly questioned the idea that the Federation is utopian, but it was still underpinned by the main characters wanting to do good. Wanting to improve the world around them. It managed to do a very good job of adapting Trek’s message to its darker tone - whereas Disco feels like it’s flip-flopping between having a darker tone and trying to be like TOS. Like, buddy, just pick one. You just gotta pick one.

The more times Sarek shows up in Disco, the more he looks like a complete dick to Spock in TOS. This isn’t necessarily a complaint, because Sarek being a dick is certainly in character for him, but I’d like to see that disparity in how he treats his children addressed. By his wife. Specifically by his wife. Amanda is a national treasure and I need her to call her husband out.

idk I think there’s more but like, I’ve been working on this for hours - WAIT HANG ON

This has been bugging me since the beginning of the show, because while Michael’s mutiny was certainly a bad idea, she technically... didn’t really do much of anything before being taken to the brig? She almost has the ship fire on a Klingon vessel, but Georgiou shows up and stops her. Helm locked phasers on the vessel on Michael’s orders, yes, but earlier they locked phase cannons on the vessel for a short time, which Georgiou agreed to. Her actions during the mutiny didn’t really change their situation at all. So why does everyone blame her for starting the war?

“But she killed that Klingon during her spacewalk!” Yeah, she did, because he came charging at her with a bat’leth with the intention to kill. In that scenario, her actions were self-defense. She attempted to talk to him, he then proceeded to try to kill her, so she fought back to save her own life and ended up killing him in the process. And all this happened while she was investigating a foreign object in Federation territory. So while I can see why she was charged with mutiny and assaulting a fellow officer, I don’t think it’s fair to say that she started the war. The Klingons on the ship of the dead were planning to start shit before anyone even got there.

I can understand why Starfleet would have thought Michael started it, at least at first, because unlike the audience, they couldn’t see the Klingons planning beforehand. That’s fair. But then Ash Tyler shows up, and he’s revealed to be Voq - who was there! he knows what happened on that ship! - and eventually, he loses Voq’s consciousness but retains the guy’s memories. So Ash knows how the war started. Ash knows, or should know, that the Klingons on that ship were the instigators. Why wouldn’t he tell Starfleet before fucking off with L’Rell? He says he loves Michael, so why wouldn’t he want to set the record straight? And most importantly, why wasn’t Michael told any of this?! She’s been blaming herself for this whole war, she’s been suffering needlessly for it, let her fucking rest! Yeah, she was exonerated and accepted back into Starfleet, which is great, but it came across as “welp you basically cleaned up the mess of a war you started and saved Earth from annihilation, so I guess we’ll clear the slate for you.” It should have been more like “well given what we know now, we can say that you’re innocent of starting interstellar war; and as for the rest, stopping the destruction of Earth is a hell of a community service, so you know what? Welcome back.”

My point is, Michael Burnham has done nothing wrong, ever, in her life

Alright, at this point I think that about sums it up, and I’m tired of looking at this anyways because it’s been hours now, so uh, yeah. Thanks for coming to my ted talk