#like im all in for calling out what Lesley said

[galacticvampire]

As an Asian and a major fan of the Jedi, I just wanna slap Lesyle Headland in the face. I'm so tired of ignorant Westerners (aka faux white feminists) like her and Kathleen Kennedy shitting on the Jedi. They're basically insulting and looking down on my people and their culture. I wish Kathleen Kennedy got fired. I wish that SOMEONE could hire an Asian person to direct the Acolyte instead of a white Western woman like Lesyle Headland. She should just go back to making a 3rd season of Russian Doll or whatever. Why is it SO HARD for Disney to hire Asian people to be in charge of a Star Wars series or movie???

The anti-jedi rethoric is very annoying and it upsets me that lucasfilm doesn't try (i might be wrong about them not trying but alas) to at least direct creators working for canon material to stick to GLs original meaning without the very prominent legends bias we know older fans have. You and everyone to whom this characterization is important (I'm one of them!) has every right to be upset about the things she said, but I just want to point out a few things:

We don't know how Acolyte is going to turn out. The statement is worrying but we've seen actors/directors say things in interviews that just don't reflect on what we actually get. (Favreou does this all the time) I say we wait. I'm not an optimistic but I think we can hold off saying it will DEFINITELY be awful until it actually comes out.

Again, it's very upsetting having yet another show trying to be "jedi critical" but I can't help but notice that Filoni, Favreou and multiple other writers have been doing it for years and everyone still watches and reads everything they put out. Not many people seriously call for them being fired. The fact that I've seen way more anger and aggressiveness towards Lesyle is... telling. Go all the way on the critiques of the material when the show comes out (I will) but don't be blind to the fact that she is one of the first openly queer women leading a prominent Disney production. There will be fans being awful to the show just because of it + Amandla's race and gender. Sometimes will be hard to tell which kind of anger someone is expressing but I'll highlight that is NEVER productive to side with bigots, even when you're rightfully angry for different reasons than them.

Which leads to my next point: we should be (I know we already are, just to remember the focus) advocating for diversity on the writing room. That's the space we have to a big cast of opinions and perspectives in the same project, while we only have one director/a few producers. And I think it's important to acknowledge that in that department they've already have gone really far just in the last couple years. We have Debora Chow. Diego Luna was producing Andor. Regardless of the end result, Lesley is an openly queer woman. EVERY SINGLE LEAD BESIDES EWAN IS A POC. This was unimaginable ten years ago. This is just a reminder to not let yourself fall in despair, we're getting there.

Kathleen Kennedy is incredible at her job. I'm not discussing her opinions because they aren't that relevant: she doesn't make any creative decisions. She makes executive and strategic ones, and Star Wars has put out more content under her administration than ever. She is one of the reasons it's so diverse now. Push for her to do better, to hire people who have a vision that aligns with what star wars is meant to be, but calling for her being fired is echoing the dudebros who blame her for every detail that aren't even under her control.

None of this erases the underlying racism in the refusal to understand Jedi culture, you (we) are rightfully angry, specially if Acolyte turns out to be exactly how she said it will. I just think there are more effective ways we can have this conversation and pressure Lucasfilm to do better than boycotting a show we don't even know if is really problematic yet, lest they decide it's easier to stick to the "standard" white straight male pov because it cuts off both the "wokenism" complaints and the ones that what they're doing isn't the right kind of diversity. (see also: target)

[anothermonikan]

I HAD A FULLY FLEDGED DHMIS DREAM LET'S GOOOO

[cutelootsuit]

hi im posting my silly fun idea (theory? idk) for fun here here it goes. 

i like to think that Lesley used to be like a Mr. Rogers type of character or blues clues, and yellow guy was like her blue; teaching yellow lessons about things; hence the “you’re one of my favorites” and yellows habit of talking to the viewer like a actual kids show character 

the dhmis theme currently was the theme for the version of the show that had lesley in it, hence the “him and you and me” part because it was from Lesley’s pov and she was referring to the (child) viewer 

more ideas undercut hehe

so key points, Lesley pitched the show idea to producers; this is HER show my main thought is that Lesley was one of the main characters, yellow being her little guy (not sure what to call him. hes the blue if this was blues clues) while duck and red guy were more supporting characters, popping in and out kind of like mr rogers neighborhood. Lesley would teach yellow things and the viewer (just three of them)  through songs in a more normal kids show way and duck and red guy would be there to further said lesson or plot.  I think (or my silly funny idea is) Lesley either got into some sort of (car) accident and couldn’t continue being on the show OR they took her off the show because she was getting too old, continuing her show without her and Lesley not being able to do anything about it because she signed it off. 

The show continued without her and made some changes like red guy and duck being more frequent and having the inanimate objects be more present. Here things go all down hill, characters start to change, theres less and less lessons to be taught, and its my silly funny idea that our current DHMIS is a result of burnout and a show NEEDING to be cancelled but not being cancelled. idk how Lesley watching them afar and being implied to be a master of their lives takes place in this but i like to think shes trying to take her show back in her own way, and making it a little fucked up because shes a little fucked up. 

other things i think are fun:

- roy is a prototype of yellow guy, the first one, then redesigned him to the current yellow guy

- Lesley handmade yellow guy and roy herself, somebody else made duck and red guy

-Duck and Red guy are neighbors of Lesley and yellow guy

- duck in the og show is a grouchy old guy archetype 

-red guys og character has been completely lost, being most effected by show burn out. which is the reason why hes so focused on finding where he belongs (ie family ep, and web series)

- the puppets don’t refer to to eachother by name because lesley forgot 

- Yellow guy is smart when he changes his batteries because youre SUPPOSED to change his batteries, but only lesley knew that. Yellow guy with new batteries being smart is a result of lesley teaching him so much in the OG show

- red guy longs to get out of the house because in the og show there were more sets, but again, but budget cuts and they only have limited sets. 

also heres a little drawing yay

[sillysadduck2]

I love the David and Lesley theory too, though I sometimes struggle with trying to decide where Roy fits into all of it…what do you think?

OMG I SAID I WPULDNT ANSWER MORE ASKS FOR TODAY BC I HAVE WORK TO DO BUT I GO FERAL AT THIS THEORY. I believe the TV show is a sequel to the webseries.

Okay so Roy was a human as we can see in episode 5, and if I'm not mistaken I believe he's the one in the picture at the hair shop's window, right next to someone who has brown short hair (could it be Lesley? If its not, since it looks like a smaller person, could it be David/Yellow?)

Theres so many possibilities with Roy, he's such a mistery to me, I know it would be too obvious for him to be upstairs from Lesley but I also think it's possible. I've seen the creators say Lesley is not human and that's the reason she has stitches and "teddy stuffing" so she may be some sort of puppet too? Or something among those lines? I believe we may be missing someone else if Roy isn't upstairs, but who could it be? He used to be in charge of everything, it would be weird if he wasn't anymore.

I'm also struggling with understanding how the puppet world was created, but maybe Roy and Lesley created it together, somehow, I just don't know how since it looks like they were both human. Maybe they can choose their appearances that way and Roy took on a puppet-like appearance so he could blend in better with the others.

I would say he did himself dirty with that puppet but yknow seeing his human appearance maybe its not that inaccurate. And I mean full offense to him but man is ugly as hell😔 Lesley went for personality fr

ALSO, coming back to this picture of Roy in the human world:

Why was Duck at his house? I believe Red and Duck were people Lesley knew and they died too, so she wanted to keep them alive through the "show". Maybe he was involved with Roy before he died. What if Roy didn't like him and that's why Duck goes through so much? If Lesley and Roy are in charge together then chances are they have to take decisions together, Lesley repairs Duck everyday by giving him a new body and Roy enjoys killing him.

We also know Roy doesn't like Yellow, he calls him "silly, arrogant and rude" in the interview and says that's the reason he takes him on a trip to punish land. Or if he does love him then he's a pretty questionable dad, regardless of intention. Lesley does quite the opposite, saying he's her favorite, but then she yells at him. I believe they're both kinda... eh. At parenting.

Chances are they didn't plan on getting stuck at the puppet world too, but now there's no way out and they're just as trapped as the main trio.

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG IM SUPER PASSIONATE ABOUT IT EXCUSE ANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES

[mach1ne-g1rl]

Saw your most recent post on dhmis and tma and I've got opinions to say I believe Computers is an Eye episode because Colin's whole deal is stealing personal info and being smart but its not my strongest I see Jobs as a buried because while it doesn't involve much claustrophobia its more about harmful workplaces and overworking which ties in with the buried in a symbolic sense. I will argue so strongly Death is an End episode. The End is LITERALLY the fear of death smh. While I can see the argument its a Stranger because of Stain Edwards the theme of death is so strong that it isn't that relevant. I see Family as both Stranger and Corruption, Stranger because the whole episode feels very uncanny with the design of the family and set being a "real" place. It's also Corruption because the episode is about toxic family relations. I still cannot believe how you thought Friendship was originally a Vast episode. While I can see why you would assign it Lonely it's clearly a Corruption, it's literally about toxic friendships. Also bugs. Tbh i don't know what to assign to Transport my closest guess is Vast but my argument isn't very strong Electricity is a hard one, I don't think i can assign it to one entity. I think Electracey is a Extinction avatar because she's a robot and the "everything in the home will be plugged in and part of the electric family" line. I could see Charged Yellow being either Eye, Stranger or Extinction. Eye because he's want to find the truth and also green eyes, Stranger because Yellow gets replaced, and Extinction because he gets replaced using specifically technology. The power outage is probably Dark because darkness. Lesley is a Web avatar, I will fight you on this. She's controlling them, she's the literal puppet master. You said that Lesley isn't the main one pulling the string making her less Web aligned but I would argue that makes her MORE web aligned because she's knows she's not fully in control. I interpret becoming a web avatar as not only being manipulative, but accepting your lack of free will. As Annabelle said in 147, "let it never be said that I do not dance the steps I am assigned." Sorry this is long and probably sounds a little rude i just have very strong opinions on tma and dhmis have a lovely day

COmputer being eye was also on my first post but i removed it bc i didnt think it was part of the big Fear factor ? but the way you phrased it does make it work

jobs being buried makes sense too !! my main reason for it being spiral is just Duck calling everything out and then Also going weird ? and then going back to "this is all wrong" very strongly (also the episode is reminiscent of Sculptor's Tool to me with only duck pointing out how this is Odd)

death SHOULD be end ur right , i just didnt think anyone in dhmis seemed very scared of the Death there ? so i thought it wasnt very important but Yeah when you mention it its definitely end ty (Or desolation bc it also feels like . theyre more focused on the grief of losing someone n not the Fear of Death ? if that makes sense=? but i dont rly get the End and Desolation anyway so)

CORRUPTION FOR FAMILY IS SO RIGHT i think i considered corruption for it at one point but i second guessed myself enough to remove it again . and stranger never reallly seemed correct to me but it was the closest and i had no one to discuss with so i ran with it:sob:

IM SORRYY LSITEN OK i hadnt listened to tma in full when i made the first list. i just read the entities wiki page and heard season 5 ..!!!! honestly idk if i agree with corruption bc , while thats probably the deeper meaning of the episode (toxic friends) warren always seemed like just an autistic asshole to me so i never saw the whole . toxic thing ? and he never really actually seemed friends with any of them ?? yea taking advantage of their kindness but i wouldnt call it a toxic relationship bc there never Was a Relationship to me (probably factually wrong n im being ignorant here but its my list and blehh :P im biased towards warren) and im probably just forgetting something bc i havent rewatched it in a while but are there bugs besides warren (are worms bugs)?

transport i assigned Web bc red guy being like . aware of the whole They're Trapped There thing and trying to escape and Lonely bc they're trying to get to other people/ civilization/ community but are just . stuck ? and in some episodes the lonely just takes ppl to endless places that they cant leave (cul-de-sac is the only one i remember) and it just (again) reminded me of that

ELECTRICITY /SHOULLD/ be more than 1 or 2 very true but i just Really hate assigning more than 2 to these idk why ive set that rule for myself but it just feels wrong, disorderly and i dont like it . but yes i can see electracey being extinction (tbh i feel like teachers being avatars/ assinging them patrons/fears could be a whole other list itself) Charged Yellow being stranger i disagree. yes hes replaced but it feels more like . if s1 jon got replaced by s5 jon ? does that make sense ? I HAD DARK For this episode too bc the power outage but it didnt feel like a big fear factor here ? and i just didnt think it was significant enough (the dumb self-imposed rule) Lesley IS web coded i completely forgot annabelle for a second when i made this :sob: ive had too much michael on my mind and i thought being trapped wasnt enough of a theme here ? not like it was in Transport or like Dreams but yea it definitely should be Web

IM GLAD this is long i like hearing other ppls thoughts and input on this silly stuff (it did sound a little rude at times but dw i get it) I think at the end of the day the way we judge these is just Very different? Unless you disagree, i dont think the web series is this "up for debate" as the tv show is bc it just has . Less. There's maybe 3 lines at the start, then the teacher comes in and starts singing about what they embody, then the horrors and the end (only the last 3 episodes rly made me question which Power would be associated with them bc it kinda follows a plot so they could all a little be taken as web and lonely with red guy?) Theres just so many more ways the TV show can be interpreted. These could be judged on the Teacher, the Lesson, the thing that scares the characters, the thing that scares the Audience, symbolism/manifestations, etc. (i think i just went with whatever seemed the most relevant to me / what scared the characters ? but i was also being pretty inconsistent there lmao) i feel like there would probably have to be multiple lists or just one BIG list of everything that could count as one of the entities ? or maybe im blowing this out of proportion and its really simple for you, and only i struggled with this :,) either way it was fun ! and i think thats all that matters maybe the real dhmis tma entities assigning list were the friends we made along the way aww

[teklarn]

𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓬𝓻𝔂 𝓽𝓸𝓸, 𝓲𝓯 𝓲𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾

character(s): izuku midoriya x gn!reader (x katsuki bakugou) 

a/n: gosh i love angst (quick note!! i edit to the best of my ability, however it’s easy to miss things, and i type 100 words per minute, so im sorry if i miss some things!) this ain’t a poly relationship btw, i don’t feel like i could write that well (no shame to people who do!! personally i feel like i would butcher it) 

reblogs are greatly appreciated! 

based off the song: it’s my party by lesley gore

summary: y/n realizes going to katsuki bakugou’s wedding was a mistake

genre: angst all the way shawties 

warnings: light cursing, heartbreak, alcohol, one-sided pining (reader), aged up/pro-hero au, sad reminiscing bc ahaha bakugou made us sad :’) and a crap load of references to the song, friend zoning (eesh) 

word count: 2,566

ik yall are waiting for a part 2 of brutal and part 3 of you’re not my boyfriend but this idea just struck i had to get it down pls 

- - - 

“let’s raise a toast to our finest lovebirds, my best friend and his wife, katsuki bakugou and ochaco uraraka!” kirishima took a sip of champagne. 

you lifted your beverage in unison with the others seated at your table but did not drink. you blinked down at the fizzing beverage. 

“we wish you all the best,” kirishima said. “you and your best buds have no doubt you two’ll be known as some of the most indestructible symbols of peace.” 

another wave of applause passed among the crowd. the last toast was finished and the music resumed. your entire table left you sitting. it wasn’t like you knew anyone here, anyways. nobody except for the few classmates bakugou was still in touch with. 

those people consisted of izuku midoriya, who was sitting at the table across from you, as well as across the dance floor. 

the lights twinkled up again, red, blue, and green flashing along the floor. 

you couldn’t deny it. bakugou in a red suit, uraraka in a wedding dress fell just above her knees, a red bow tied around her waist. you did not doubt that if you were to be sold as a healthy person on the black market, that dress would still be worth more than you. 

the only comfort you had was midoriya, who had greeted you when you came in, but the two of you had exchanged no further words. but he looked equally as miserable as you. 

uraraka and bakugou were perfect together. they looked happy. and you were happy to see bakugou happy. happy to see uraraka happy with him. 

bakugou dipped his newlywed wife to the beat of the music. her back arched perfectly into his large hands. 

what hurts the most was that, while you wished it was you instead of her on that dance floor, you knew it wouldn’t work out. 

not that you and bakugou wouldn’t have worked out. the two of you were a perfect couple! 

what hurts the most was that it was a wish, and in every near universe, you still didn’t have that ring. 

uravity and dynamight simply looked...happier. 

- 

you stormed out, shaking. why was your katsuki kissing her? holding her when it should have been you? 

deep down, you knew you had no right. you and bakugou were barely a couple. throughout his years at yuuei, he’d calmed down immensely. so much that he could strike up a conversation with nearly everyone. as it turns out, introverted katsuki bakugou was a shameless flirt. 

the two of you exchanged flitting glances from time to time, but it was never anything serious. at least to him, it wasn’t. 

you knew he’d never taken the flirting seriously, and you also knew about his aching feelings for uraraka. how he covered his mouth whenever she walked by. how his voice raised just a bit, and how soft his eyes got. 

you shouldn’t have been surprised. he never even hinted that he might have had romantic feelings for you. 

the entire room erupted with applause as he kissed her. the katsuki bakugou, kissing someone? pfft, only in dreams. 

for some, the dream would be good. like uraraka, who had shamelessly kissed him back. 

for you, it was a complete nightmare. 

the blaring music, the lights, the balloons, the ‘happy graduation class of 1-A!’ 

you drowned it all out. you curled your knees to your chest. you had no right to be hurt. not at all. they were his emotions. you had no control over them. 

loneliness clouded over you. your chest screamed with longing. a longing to be held. be wanted by him. 

you were alone. nobody was coming to comfort you. nobody was- 

the door opened, clicking shut just as quickly. someone sniffled. 

your eyes flicked up from your knees. 

“y/n? i...i’m sorry, i had no idea anyone was out here...i can leave...”

“it’s alright, izuku.” 

- 

izuku took a swig from a bottle containing something much heavier than champagne. 

that same tug in your chest came about. you were tired of seeing the billboards, the magazines. tired of seeing the unquestionably perfect relationship, perfect love bloom right before you. 

dynamight and uravity this! dynamight and uravity that! 

the music was loud enough, the lights were busy enough, and the people were ignorant enough to neglect your crying figure. 

this was supposed to be my party. he loved me first. 

- 

“you okay?” you asked, swiping your nose. 

izuku looked back at the graduation party. “no, y/n. i’m not.” 

“then we’re both absolute shit.” you let him help you up. “why’re you crying?” 

“just...just uraraka.” 

“for me it’s just bakugou.” 

just as bakugou had calmed down during his years at yuuei, izuku had earned a sense of sarcasm. “are they just oblivious or stupid?” 

“goodness, izuku,” you joked, pressing a hand to your shuddering chest. “calling uraraka stupid?” 

he gave you a sad side-smile. you listened in silence as the upbeat music played on. 

“i guess we’re the stupid ones.” he sighed, chest heaving a little. 

“i guess,” you agreed. he pulled you into a hug, and you let the tears flow. your sobs corrupted your chest as you curled into his arms. “why? why did it have to be her?” 

“not all heroes end up happy, y/n.” 

you looked up at him, eyes puffy, sniffling. “why can’t we be part of that small portion of heroes who are?” 

izuku looked up, trying to neglect the water pooling in his own eyes. “i guess...well, not to be a narcissist—” he let out a breathy chuckle, “―but if you noticed, all the greatest heroes die with some kind of regret.” 

“maybe i don’t want to be a good hero.” you ignored his efforts to lighten the mood. 

“heroes don’t always get to choose whether they’ll be good or not. some things just happen.”

“i’m sorry, izuku.” you swiped at your eyes. “you’re hurt just as badly as me. i don’t want to make it—” 

“hey.” izuku gently pried your hands away from your face, fingers ghosting over your wrists. his emerald eyes gleamed as they stared into yours. “don’t invalidate your feelings just because of me. we’re both hurting, but that doesn’t mean i won’t listen to you.” 

your sobs came back again, and you fell into his chest. 

- 

bakugou spun uraraka, laughing gently as she twirled in his arms. his eyes lit up whenever he saw her. they twinkled. he sparkled. his smile was dazzling. and he was everything you never had. 

you were a heartbroken mess, even after all these years. there was a list of all the reasons you were mad at him, and yourself. 

your sobs were almost uncontrollable, and at this point, you were shocked nobody came to check on you. not that you cared very much. even if you were making a small effort to hide your face, it still would have been nice to feel a touch on your shoulder, someone perhaps shaking you gently to make sure you were awake. 

not that you’d tell them what was wrong. you just wanted to know somebody cared, and to have the option to talk to somebody if you needed to do so. 

but here you were. cheesy, upbeat fifties music echoed along the walls of the room. bakugou had secretly adored artists from back then, and you’d often catch him dancing and singing along to long-forgotten oldies. 

if you weren’t his best friend, you would have blown off coming here and binge-watched ‘my best friend’s wedding’ and sobbed. 

your head was down, forehead leaning on the backs of your forearms stacked upon each other. tears were streaming down, your shoulders shuddering with each weak breath sucked in and released. 

until bakugou chose you, you had no reason to smile. at least not now. by no means were you desperate. love sometimes did that to people. made them look needy, look unwanted. 

you’ve had plenty of options in the past, but the one person who you wanted didn’t want you back. didn’t even care. 

since the graduation party, uraraka and you had been a bit tense. a part of her felt like she knew how you felt, and how bakugou mattered to you more than anyone in the world. 

after the first year, she began abandoning izuku and ignoring his emotions towards her. after she and bakugou found each other, they had already known they would settle with one another. 

you and izuku had never been close, but you were both good friends and were there when you needed one another. 

he had walked you through your pain of senior year, and you’d helped him reach a lot of his goals, too. but bakugou just didn’t seem to care anymore. not even about becoming the number one hero. he looked at uraraka like she was his goal, his new dream, the reason he was happy. he looked at her and saw that he had the world in his hands and wanted to keep it that way. 

you? you were pluto. exiled from the rest of the planets. exiled from the rest of his options, when you used to be his first. 

- 

“y/n?”

you and izuku backed away from each other. you’d both been crying for quite a bit. how long it had been, you were both unsure. 

uraraka now stood at the door. you peeked into the window, leaning back a bit and catching glances of the blonde, who was currently being clapped on the back by his friends, congratulated for ‘getting the girl’. 

“are you guys okay?’ uraraka asked. 

“would you cry, uraraka?” 

she tilted her head. “what?” 

you pushed yourself off of izuku. “do you think you’d cry if you saw me kissing him, too?” 

“what’re you―” 

“you would cry, too! you would be sobbing!” you stabbed an accusatory finger at her. “you were my friend! you knew how i felt, and you’re kissing him?” 

uraraka’s eyes widened. “i...i’m sorry. it all just happened, and i—”

“shut the hell up, uraraka. you ruined this party. for me and izuku.” 

perhaps you went a bit far, but in your heart and your mind, you knew she deserved it. she knew. uraraka had known. 

izuku gave uraraka a sympathetic look before pressing a hand to your back and leading you away. 

- 

it still came as a bit of a shock that uraraka had let bakugou invite you to their wedding. gosh. little, domestic bakugou, sealing invitations and batting his eyes at his oh-so-sweet wife so he could invite his best friend. 

little domestic uraraka sweetly kissing her fiance on the cheek and pouting as she said, “how can i say no?” 

it was disgusting, and everything you wanted to have with him. 

you allowed yourself to be selfish this one time. after all, you deserved it. you’d endured hours of bakugou blabbering on about how sweet uraraka was. everything you weren’t. 

you took the bottle to champagne. your ankles were aching as you stumbled out of the room. your vision blurred, becoming foggy with tears. not one person stopped you. you guessed because nobody noticed. 

like graduation night, you slumped down right outside the doors to the party, the music, lights, and laughter muffled. the only difference was that you had a bottle of champagne and the man of your dreams was gone. for good, this time. 

-

“i wish she noticed me. it was like, after first year, the uraraka i knew just vanished.” 

you nodded. you and midoriya were wandering the streets, cool air brushing down your neck and on your face as cars passed. 

“uraraka was so sweet, but she lost feelings so fast and...ugh.” midoriya ran a hand through his hair, ruffling his curls. “i’m still a bit...baffled. i know people change, but she and kacchan both switched up so fast.” 

“i don’t want to say they’re jackasses, but they’re kind of jackasses.” 

izuku rubbed your shoulder as you leaned on him while the two of you walked. “don’t say that.” 

“sorry,” you breathed. 

“no more being sorry. being sorry all the time leads to shit like this.” 

you chuckled. “yeah, it does.” you sniffed. “did i take you away from the party? you can go back if you want.” 

he shrugged. “’s all right. i don’t mind.” 

“do you want to be here or would you rather be in there?”

“out here with you. i can’t be there right now.” 

“me too.” 

- 

“let me guess.” 

you looked up and scoffed softly. 

“this was supposed to be your party?” 

you nodded. “my party, my groom. i’m not supposed to be crying at my party, am i?” 

your friend shook his head. “not at all. cheer up, y/n.” 

izuku slid down the wall, sitting beside you. he rested his arms on his knees, twisting open his own bottle of champagne. “you look like a mess.”

“and you look like you need anger management.” you smiled. 

he grinned back. “do i now?” 

“yeah, you do. you should have seen yourself sitting there. all alone, the one person drinking something that wasn’t the fifty-thousand yen drinks.” 

“54,795.75 yen, to be exact.” 

you raised an eyebrow. “you’re insane. you kidding me? why do you know that?” 

“i was the weird kid who took notes on everyone in the class. of course i would know this. i’m offended you think i wouldn’t.” 

you tilted your head back in laughter. “gosh, izuku.” 

“mhm.” 

there was a pause. comfortable silence filled the space, broken by you sigh after gulping down your drink. “so they’re gone?” 

“i’d rather not dwell on it.” 

“how old are we now?” 

izuku gave a breathy chuckle. “twenty-five.” 

you smiled. “really, now? and i thought i would be married by now.” 

“me too. ‘s a shame.” 

“how about, if we’re both still not married by the time we’re forty, we get married to each other, adopt three children and we become hot parents.” 

“three?” 

“yeah, we can have a mini hero agency.” 

“that’s horrifying. but i agree. having a mini hero agency would be pretty amazing.” 

“i’m glad you agree with me, izuku.” you brushed a curl from his eyes. 

“can’t wait until i’m forty,” he smirked. 

“me neither.” 

“maybe by then we would have forgotten all of this?” 

“we’ll be fighting a villain, and we get our memories erased, and then we fall in love because we wake up beside each other in the hospital. we’re both equally confused.” you peppered him with jokes. “it’s a journey we will go on together.” 

“can’t wait until my memory gets erased.” 

“do you wanna get out of here?”

izuku shook his head. “it’s their wedding. we can’t. we shouldn’t.” 

you gave him a silly look. 

“you’re always such trouble, y/n.” 

“if you hate it, then wipe that stupid grin off your face.” 

izuku’s features softened. “maybe i like it. but only sometimes.” he took your head and lead you out, leaving his drink behind while you took yours. 

a single tear rolled down your cheek. he didn’t erase all your pain, nor your feelings for bakugou. it wasn’t what you needed, no. 

you just needed a friend. a real one. one that wouldn’t steal your dream from you. and that’s what you knew you had right now. 

besides, things could happen in the future, right? 

you smiled, and let the cold air touch your skin. 

[driftingrandomly]

You’ve asked me to give you space and said I was acting kinda crazy. So I guess this will be a vent for me. I treated you like shit and hurt you. I didn’t listen, I don’t know why I didn’t. I don’t know why I let any of this happen. I didn’t do anything about it and now I’m here. Not knowing what to do. I’m torn between giving you more space and just getting in my truck to go see you and explain in person. It doesn’t help that you told me that I’m acting crazy…. I don’t know. I’m a mess, I was happy before actually meeting you. But not being with you and you not wanting to talk to me, it just all hurts. It’s scary that all of this is happening, it’s my fault I know. But I never thought I’d be in this situation again, where that one person can cause so much. I’m not saying that this is you’re fault. I just haven’t been vulnerable like this in a long time. Since we broke up everything is just shitty. I can’t sleep, it’s getting harder and harder to eat, I’m always in a bad mood and the gym is getting harder to keep going. I noticed that with everything it’s getting to where I don’t care about those things or lack of reason. All of this is just from breaking up and honestly I’m a fucking wreck. I don’t know how other guys that I know are just so numb to things. I envy them because of how easy they make it look, but at the same time I don’t want that. I don’t want to be numb to things that matter to me. I don’t even know what I’m saying or trying to say anymore. Everything I say upsets you, me calling you or blowing up your phone upsets you. Turning off your location and read hurts, your read has always been there and I’ve lost that. I’ve lost everything and I don’t want to lose you Lesley. I’ve kept everything the same, I still have the raccoon, the key chain, towels and even the blanket. I don’t deserve any of that, but it’s all I have right now. Everything else is gone and now you barely talk to me. You want space I know, but every day feels like eternity not talking to you. I’ve tried distracting myself with work, the gym, anything. But at the end of the day I can’t help myself to think about you Lesley. When random things remind me of you, someone is talking about something that doesn’t even connect to you directly but somehow my mind makes a connection. You’re everywhere Lesley. Everywhere. I don’t want to lose you lesley. I just need a chance to show you. Things aren’t going to repeat themselves. I know it’s happened in the past, I know. But I’m not them Lesley I don’t want to waste your time and I’m not here for that. Im here to love you and show you that. I just don’t know what to do. This is where it comes down to just letting you be with space or just get in my truck. I don’t know, I feel like giving you space shows that I don’t care. That’s how I see it, but going to see you randomly I feel would help and show that I care, but you said I was acting crazy…. I don’t think you would see it any other way than just being crazy. I also don’t want to live with regret of not doing everything I could to get a chance and put actions to my words. It’s all just hard. I also don’t know if I should send this to you or not. Should I just wait till you come at the end of the month, I don’t know. I feel like at that point it’d be to late. But you’re asking for more space. I just don’t know anymore. It’s all just torn, I’m torn between it all. I don’t know if I should listen to space or listen to what my feeling and emotions are saying. Maybe it’ll be clearer tomorrow. Who knows. All I can do right now is try to sleep and listen to sad music. -10:06 pm 28 July

This week has been a rollercoaster. I wake up and think that I’ll be okay so I am. But then someone or something brings you up and puts you on my mind. Everything is out of wack. Nothing is the same, I do the same thing everyday at work but some how none of it is the same. My boss brought you up this week, we went to get food Thursday because I didn’t realize I’ve gone all day without eating. But everyone could see that something is wrong and they started to see through “I’m just tired, it’s hot”. But we went and on the way back he asked how I felt about going to school. I told him that it’s going to be different and that I wanted to go deploy with everyone. But he said, “don’t worry about all that you’re going to go to school, move to texas and get married.” I couldn’t bring myself to think of anything else that day. I didn’t even say anything. I just said, “yeah you’re right”. It all came crashing down. But it was the middle of the day so I couldn’t just leave. I sat there forcing myself to eat so no one would see what’s wrong or that something is wrong. Today everything was okay, you know just do what I can to not be sad. Everything was fine till I got to Brian’s and the dogs were just laying with me. Not wanting scratches just laying with me, they knew. Animals always know. At the gym it was a shitty day, I didn’t lift as much and I just couldn’t. I wasn’t working out hard enough, I could tell. I just wanted to complain to you. Be a cry baby about it, but you want space and I try to give it to you. Then when you asked how my day was. It all just hit again, everything just became worse. I contemplated on telling you the truth because I know you’re tired of hearing it. I know you don’t want to hear me ask for a chance. But that’s all I want. I don’t think you’re “my person right now” I genuinely believe that I found my person and that person is you. I don’t remember the last time I cried. But it’s been awhile…. Hopefully I’ll be able to sleep soon. Maybe no, hopefully soon I’ll be able to get another chance to prove to you that I know I fucked up and so I can show you how much I do love you Lesley. Aug01 10:49pm

[werewolvesandvampireslove]

I DARE YOU TO ANSWER ALL THE PUT A NUMBER IN MY ASK QUESTIONS

Sorry, that I'm answering this late, anon. But alrighty. I'm doing it, but I'm not typing the questions out because I'm looking at the questions on my phone while typing it on my laptop. But this is the link https://werewolvesandvampireslove.tumblr.com/post/160961914801/put-a-number-in-my-ask1.Probably my best friend,Hannah(I don't like holding hands because my hands sweat easily and a lot. gross I know.)2.Shy(I can talk loud with my friends and that probably the most outgoing I am)3.My best friend,Hannah4. I hope and think so5. Hannah that my best friend, or Beau that is my crush/ex/friend6.Taller than me, sweet, funnier, kind, nerdy, kind of shy, flirty(yes, I'm thinking about my ex)7. I hope so, but I don't think so because he don't want to date and yeah it is kind of hard to explain even in my mind8.Beau that is my crush/ex/friend9.Not really. You get use to it when your mom is open about it.10. With my best friend,Hannah11.(With my friend Hannah)I said that is rough spot because with him it can be good or bad thing12.Straightjacket by Quinn XCII, Impossible by Lacey Strum, 4U by Backbear, Ain't so Sweet by Katie Armiger, FFYL by Quinn XCII 13.It differ with people. With people I'm not close with then no. If I'm close to them then yes14.Yes and no. Sometimes I do and other I don't. Part of me believe everything happens for a reason and some other part of me believe in luck, It is like free will vs destiny with me.15.Summer just started. I guess passing french 2 so I don't have to retake it next year. I'm horrible at the subject.16.YES! Thousand times yes. I still love him. But he doesn't feel the same way. Right now I don't know if he want to be friends with me since he hadn't really been replying to me since summer started.17.Yes, we don't really know. We are still exploring space.Until we finish exploring it we don't know.18. Yes, my ex is my first crush. But he hadn't really replying to me now. So I don;t know.19. Yes, but I hadn't had a bubble bath in awhile.20. I don't know. I don't really talk to them.21. Pushing things off until last minute, if I'm mad I blow up, can push people away at times, overthinking, get stress way easily, talk fast, and that is all I can think up at the moment but I know I have more22.Maybe Paris but I can't speak french well23.Yes, I do. People leave my life. They let other people tell me that they are leaving. Ask me if you want to know more. I can rant about my trust issues and there is more reasons than people leaving.24.Going asleep maybe or maybe walking around my neighborhood 25.my hands, underarms,feet,thighs, hold in roof of my mouth, stomach, hips26.Take my dog outside so she can go potty.27.Maybe more tanner28.My mom, mawmaw(grandmom), or Hannah29.I got only one ex. I think he regret the way he broke up with me. I think he doesn't know what he feels or what he want to do. Or maybe I don't know what he want to do.30.I don't know. I don't think I will get marry.31. Yes. The length is at my shoulders.32. Come on. I really not posted about spn because I got behind one day so I need to catch up. But Jensen and Misha33.a as(That is a little off. It's Anna so not too bad.)34.No sports. I have asthma and I'm clumsy 35. With tv, Sorry tv. I can't live without music. And youtube and website to watch show aren't tv. So I can get away with that.36. No. Beau know that I still like him37. Nothing. I'm natural awkward so I will just keep the awkward silence because I don't know what to do.38. Tall, nerdy, sweet,nice, kind of shy, funny, likes memes39. Underground Books which is a book store in my hometown and they have website, 5 and Below and hot topic40. Go to college and be a Veterinarian41. No. If they harmed you and aren't sorry about it. 42. That I'm comfortable around you, that I have nothing to say, or I'm mad and don't want to blow up on you43. I try to but I feel awkward 44. Bottom of the ocean. I always love water and want to swim. I love sharks too. I never really in outer space that much.45.Because I have to. I can't sleep all day.46.When everyone is going to leave me47. No, I'm a good girl. I never drink or smoke anything. And again I have asthma48.Nope.49.Well fan fics so50. Grey51. Yes!52. To not have a hole in roof of my mouth53. I don't wear makeup54. Hot Topic or Underground Books55. I actually don't have one right now. I think I had couple in the past but now I'm off and on on this site56. Blue or red57. Pizza or chicken58. Cupcake59. Potatoes bites60. No or nothing is coming to mind at the moment61.Nope. I'm a good girl62.Nope, but I have family member that been arrested63. Yes, I'm still in love, but he doesn't love me64. We were at lunch. We were cuddle and all that sweet stuff and he kissed me.65. Not really. I just ate cupcake not too long ago66. I don't really have tumblr friend anymore. We don't really talk so real friends67. Facebook68.Tumblr69. Yes, I was watching Steve Wilkos show but it went off and now Cheaters is on. I hadn't changed it70. Hannah71.Craving hugs and cuddles with my crush or just talk to him72. Mostly white but there are some color towels72.(there is a repeat of the number)I sleep with one pillow73.Well, my pillow is a stuff animal. Don't judge.74.Maybe 575.Dog or cat76.Blue77.Chocolate78.Banana Pudding. Blue Bell make it it and it is so good79.Blue and white. It is a plaid shirt80. Light blue and on the side it have some dark blue81. Spn even though I'm behind on it82. Princess Bride 83. MEan Girls84. 21 Jump Street.85. Cady Heron I guess I hadn't watch it in years so it is a burr. I know it is a sin.86. Nemo87.My mom88.Hannah89. My birth dad,David.90. My ex, Beau91.Yes, my birth dad, David92. No.93.One94. Two(I need to throw one away since it was my ex)95.I tried to watch Cinderella 2 but I didn't finish it.96. Lesley-Ann Brandt(And she is a great person)97. Misha or Jared or Jensen 98.I'm getting into tanning outside, My mom and mawmaw(grandmom) been trying to get me into tanning bed99.I got one dog,Dixie100.Im feeling good101. I type fast if I'm using two hands.102. Yes, I would made sure my ex was happy and stuff like that103.Nope104. Yes, My pawpaw John Knothead105. Yes. I live in the south so that have to happen106. I don't think so107. No, but I brush one108. Maybe walking or something109. Yes, my friend/ex/crush isn't texting me back110. Yes my ex111. Yes. 112. My mom. I hate crying in front of people.113. Maymay,Pooh,Sissy, and Anna Marie Knothead. All of them but the last one is what I still get call114.I been to Alabama to helped move my mawmaw friend stuff to her new house.115. I used to116. No117. Yes118. Yes.119.The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova,Howling Bloody Murder by Sue Owens Wright,Raintree: Haunted by Linda Windstead JonesTiger Eve by Marjorue M. Liu and that is only some 120.No but I have got to have tv on because of the sound121.I don't think so122. No123. Nope124. No125.Not for me. Maybe other can find true love but not for me126. Yes127. Reading, being with him, having fun128. My last name, yes. I like my first name129.Virgo130.Yes131.Well, the closest friend that is opposite sex is my ex so I would be happy132. Hannah133. "You say it's hard to tell what I've been thinking lately but behind closed doors I'm a fool for your live" FFYL by Quinn XCII134.Yes135. I'm fine and I'm okay when I clearly wasn't136. I sleep with it closed137. My ID say 4'11138. Curly hair139. Blonde(right now I have greenish blue hair)140. Summer141. I'm in the middle of night or day I can't choose142. September because of my birth day143. Nope. I got to have chicken144. Milk or white chocolate145. Sweet tea146. I guess. I did nothing today so far147. Smickers148. I don't have favorite quote149.Yes150.[grandpa.The fact that it was unlike any....

[timeisjustamelody]

New life means new beginnings...

Well it's been months since I last wrote anything and thought I better get started again... So as of the 1st of June I became a mum to a beautiful baby girl called Molly Mia Heggie born on the 1st of June at 13.11 and weighing 6lb 3oz to say I'm elated is an understatement. I didn't intend this blog to be one about my journey of motherhood but I feel that it's going to turn out that way. Labour there is so many things thrown at you throughout your pregnancy and life about pregnancy and childbirth...but none of them truest prepare you for it! And if someone says "oh it wax everything I expected and it's all went smoothly" - they're lying big fat lies.... I had contracts for a week and then 3am on a warm Wednesday night the baby kicked me very hard and my waters broke, I called the hospital to give them the heads up and they were having technical issues with the telephone system which meant I spoke to an operator for 10 minutes before she finally got me a midwife to speak to she was fraught and so was I by this point, midwife said "oh first baby take your time" I immediately said to my husband getting your things together and phone my mum tell her we're going to hospital.... So as my husband floundered about for 10minutes taking my bags and baby's bag to car I went from toilet to room and back like a relay as more "water" came away so in a panic (I just had my car Valeted) I grabbed a bath towel for the car seat as not to ruin it, on the way to the hospital the contractions (not like period pain as everyone describes) got more intense I felt my husband Aimee to hit every pot hole and bump on the road making for an even more uncomfortable journey finally we arrived at the hospital... The buzzer system was down shock horror this day wasn't going to be easy we eventually get into the wars where a lovely petite woman said "oh here's another one" and pointed to a room for us to wait in "back in a minute love taking one to labour ward"...so after about 20minutes I say to my husband they've forgotten me and he's like don't be daft! So I waddles out to the desk and I'm greeted by another petite woman "where did you come from!" Original petite woman appears and said in a shocked manor oh love I forgot you were here!... Midwife then comes in checks my observations and examines me "oh yours 3cm you'll be here a while!" From journeying back and forth to the toilet which no one tells you (you feel like your intestines are trying to escape through your bum hole whilst your uterus pulls tight against a baby in there is constantly moving fighting for space) my pain intensified the dihydrocodine she had given me on admission wasn't cutting it I needed the good stuff! So after an injection of diamorphine into my leg (which bruised instantly) I was advised to go to sleep I'd be there a while 20minutes goes by the pain is excruciating I'm sitting on the toilet feeling pressure and the need to push panic sets in I don't want to have the baby on the toilet! My husband fetches the midwife "I doubt you're that far on your first baby you'll be here awhile" after an examination she changed her tune "oh deary me! You're 9cm! Let's get you to labour ward!" So off in whisked on the bed to the labour ward, I spy a friendly face walking up the ward Lesley! On of the anaesthetists i work with on a regular basis I immediately say I want an epidural get me Lesley! I'm taken into a room where I'm introduced to a new midwife Gail who I cannot thank enough she was level headed and knew her stuff! She brings Lesley in where she comforts me and informs me in too far gone for an epidural I realise Im wearing a bright orange vest and multi coloured paisley print bra lying naked from the waist down I can't believe Z colleague is seeing me like this! After her comforting me she is called to theatre and I'm being encouraged by Gail to push with every contraction the doc comes in said I needed a hormone drop to push me past that 1cm that I was stuck at...after multitude of positions (lying on my back, on my knees hugging the bed, curled on my side) I was given gas and air which I kept asking if it was switched on it had no effect, the doc comes back I think you need assistance...I knew what that meant!.... I made her promise to take me to theatre for forceps I would only consent to low forceps or an emergency section I didn't wish for high forceps as I'm signing my consent form she tells me the anaesthetist would assess me but before I can ask who it is Euan appears a jr anaesthetist that I have worked with for the last year I'm mortified he's seeing me like this so I'm being wheeled to theatre as he assesses me.... To be continued my mummy duties call me