#like its obvious the most pain the writer ever had was a lil back pain

[stripesysheaven]

.

[ectonurites]

for the character headcannons ask game, jason and cass?

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT im putting this one under a cut because it got SUPER long bc i cant shut up ever

lets start w jason

A (realistic headcanon): 

ok using the ‘realistic’ category here loosely but GOD i love the idea of Damian & Jason having interacted while Jason was staying with the League before getting dunked in the Lazarus Pit. like. this obviously would need to be set more in preboot and following the Lost Days & Batman Annual 25 version of Jason’s resurrection, but god the idea of it just makes me scream in a good way. Like... these are things Jason likely doesn’t remember very clearly once he’s brought back to life more fully by the pit because he was uh pretty catatonic, but Damian being a little kid and knowing about the boy that his mother keeps around the base, that she’s trying to help bring back to health. Damian not even knowing that’s his big brother, just that he’s a presence that shares his mother’s attention. Jason again being unresponsive but like, ok god you know that part of lost days where Talia shows the others observing him that he only fights back at those he perceives as genuine threats trying to hurt him, 

Because Jason can perceive that she’s safe, she’s not actually trying to hurt him, he trusts her because she saved him? thinking about lil child Damian who is ya know already being trained in fighting stuff and like the idea of him trying to provoke Jason just to see what happens but Jason not fighting back because on some level be it his connection to Talia or even little baby Damian visually reminding him of Bruce, he knows that Damian is safe too 🥺 

and then when Jason and Damian meet again in Gotham as Red Hood & Robin respectively, Jason not really remembering because there was so much going on back then for him, but Damian realizing that oh... that was Him

B (hilarious): 

alright so if we are looking at comics currently, in modern stuff jason is what, like 22? hes old enough to drink in the US but still definitely early 20s so around my around my age, thats what im using as a basis here. if we adjust timeline and still consider his death having happened when he was 15, that puts it around 2013. and then coming back to like interacting with people about three years later if we still kinda base things off of the preboot timeframe (since we never got a super solid retelling of the timeline of death -> resurrection -> training -> tries to get revenge aside from knowing he went to the all-caste instead of the lost days version of the story) making him reenter the regular world and stuff around age 18 in 2016. meaning a solid three years of pop culture that he was entirely missing, and like im sorry but he really doesn’t strike me as the type to bother looking into what he missed, he’s kinda busy focusing on other stuff. lets take a quick look at some major things from those years. 2013 gave us ‘what does the fox say’ and ‘the harlem shake’ . 2014 had that time U2 just put a fuckin album on everyone’s phones, The Fault In Our Stars movie came out. 2015 introduced the phrase ‘Netflix and Chill’ and the whole blue & black vs gold & white dress debate happened. imagine any of the other batkids (or even arguably roy during rhato stuff) bringing these things up and jason’s ensuing confusion. thank you for your time

C (heart-crushing): 

so. there are two specific instances from rebirth era Jason i want to bring up here and much like a lot of these it’s less a headcanon and more of an inference based on observations, but i wanna take a sec to discuss Jason’s relationship with other people’s death. early in rebirth, Tim ‘dies’ from that whole thing in detective comics. he didn’t actually die, we as readers know, but in-universe they all very much so thought he was dead. frustratingly a lot of the batfam wasn’t really shown mourning him aside from in the Detective Comics Rebirth title itself (which just. when a major character dies even if its temporary- that should have a ripple effect) BUT an exception to that is in RHATO 2016, where we get this offhanded comment in Jason’s internal monologuing

similarly later when Roy, who like, had an incredibly close relationship w Jason that had just gotten mended before Heroes in Crisis, gets fuckin murdered in that whole thing... Jason doesn’t go to his funeral either. He leaves a dramatic voice mail and then visits the grave on his own later, choosing to instead keep working on the mission they’d started rather than going and taking the time to mourn properly.

Jason’s relationship with death is incredibly complicated, obviously. He has died, he has come back, and he now is willing to cross the line most other bats won’t and will kill people when he deems it necessary. I think thats something important though- he doesn’t just like... go around killing for fun (usually, some writers preboot made him a little murder happy but even then usually this still was vaguely followed) he kills people he thinks deserved it. Like, even looking back at the mess of Morrison’s Jason during Batman & Robin 2009, Jason was still trying to bring a sense of justice with who he was killing (”punishment that fits the crime”), it wasn’t killing for the sake of killing. He sees things in this kind of almost black and white ‘people who deserve it’ and ‘people who don’t’ way, and he has no problem dealing with death when it’s with the people he thinks deserve it. 

but when someone who doesn’t in his mind ‘deserve it’ gets killed? i think he just goes into total avoidance mode. throws himself into other things he’s doing, tries not to dwell on it too much no matter how much he still thinks about it (this is especially evident in him consistently telling people “i’m fine!” after what happened to Roy, despite bringing Roy up literally like every few issues for a WHILE after he died and very clearly still struggling with it, Artemis is the only one who gets through to him on it a little bit) 

but yeah, I just think that from Jason’s relatively unique situation of having been murdered, he knows what it’s like and he is perfectly fine wishing that on people he thinks are bad and deserve it, but it crushes him to imagine the people he loves and cares about having to experience something as painful as what he went through. not to mention the whole “I came back, why do I get a second chance at all this when they, who are a much better person than I am, probably won’t” mindset we get some implications of him having 

D (canon is a coward and won’t) 

hello DC i am once again insisting a batfam member is bisexual

CASS TIME

A (realistic headcanon): 

ok so we know cass likes ballet. thats canon. however i think we also should in general explore cass experiencing other types of dance/performance as well, be it herself as a performer or even just watching. like... god imagine her & like my brain just automatically for group activities puts her with tim steph and duke but also for this in particular I feel would be a Jason embraced activity, but like them going to see a broadway show or some other professional theatre or something, and her just being enthralled by the reading of body language of the performers! like again by any point in current stuff cass does have like, the ability to speak fine (reading still hard tho) but even so I think like. okay im a theatre kid if that’s not obvious from the Everything About Me but one thing I always do after seeing a show is ya know spend dinner afterwards discussing it with whoever i saw it with.

I just think that like, bringing those people i just mentioned to the table to discuss seeing a show after would be so FASCINATING because cass would bring this whole perspective of critiquing their acting on a whole different level- not based on how well they delivered lines out loud, but by what their body language was saying as they moved on stage. like im very amused by the idea of cass getting a totally different picture in her mind about what a character’s motivations were because she was paying way more attention to what their physicality was saying vs the words that were written and how they were delivered. i think the debates her and the others would have would be EPIC there. jason defending the text as it was written adamantly and cass being like ‘ok yeah sure but thats not what they did’

B (hilarious): 

cass having no concept of money because why would she bother? is SO funny to me. like it’s not that she couldn’t be reasonable if she wanted to, but like, she knows that the Waynes are well off so it’s not something she actually needs to be concerned about, so she just goes hog wild. takes steph out to fancy dinners and makes steph order for them since cass ya know doesn’t really read the menus, and steph’s like ‘jesus christ this costs-” “don’t worry about it” “but cass-” and she just holds up one of bruce’s credit cards and steph’s still like “but you don’t even know the range-” “it is fine”

bruce does not have the heart to tell her to stop

C (heart-crushing): 

i mean this is pretty much canon but especially now after death metal where she’s remembering, not just being told by a guy using weird alternate timeline technology, that she used to be an adopted member of the Wayne family... like that hurts so bad. To look at these people who have ya know been kind to her, Bruce has still been a father-like figure to her (i mean literally from the moment they met in New 52 canon during the flashback in Batman & Robin Eternal, where he’s telling her that she’s not a monster just because of what people forced her to do.... that she’s a hero... that hug.... dad behavior), and they do to some extent treat her as family... But to then really know, to feel and remember that she was actually adopted! She was a part of their family. To look at how she’s been calling herself Orphan while working with them this whole time... that’s so heartbreaking! I have cried about this idea so much! I want so badly a conversation between her and Bruce now where he offers to officially adopt her again, I need it so bad and if it doesn’t happen at some point in the next year or two I will be so distraught.

D (canon is a coward and won’t) 

i want an in-depth exploration of cass’ relationship to her own gender. being raised without language and you know with so much of her life being independent (remember: CASS RAN AWAY AROUND THE WORLD WITHOUT REALLY KNOWING ANY SPOKEN LANGUAGE) and outside of an organized society impressing too much of gender expectations on her, i feel like the way she experiences it would be very unique! like sure she’s so far been fine with being assigned ‘girl’ (ya know that comes with batgirl, and how people just automatically treated her based on how she looks) but in terms of gender expression and like her actual relationship with ‘traditional femininity’ etc like... because of how she was raised I just think she’d have a really different perspective on it that could be cool to explore, and I think she’d fall outside of the binary after she really thinks about how she identifies.

tldr on that: she/they nb cass is what i’m getting at here

[jooneggs]

The Star From Santa | Jin ⭐

⤑ Pairing: Jin x Reader ⤑ SUMMARY: Christmas in the city just isn’t the same. Especially when your harboring a longing for the mysterious man who made you adore the night sky just months ago ⤑ Genre: Fluffy | Angsty | And a lil’ bit Smutty ⤑ Warnings: Swearing, Homesick and Sad y/n, Drinking, Sexual Tension, Oral (f)) Receiving, Nipple Play (f), Kim Cuddles ⤑ Word count: 7.7k

A/N: This is my first ever BTS fic, and first time to ever participate in an online writing project. I was a Secret Santa for @bloodpotato​, and i couldn’t be more thankful. It was such a pleasure to get to know more about you as a person and a writer; you really are a sweetheart. I will always be reminded of your answer regarding star-gazing and cloud-watching as it has reminded me of how lucky i am to live in a place where i can watch the sky in the countryside whenever i'd like to. I also, as someone from England, learnt a lot more about Christmas down under *whoop whoop*! I really hope you enjoy this one shot and have a beautiful Christmas, love Roxy. 

Also a quick thank you to the honey’s at BTS Writers Collective for having me as a member of their Network and for organizing this project with many other writers, i had a lot of fun 💜

-

This definitely didn’t count as the first time you felt you were literally drowning in coffee.

It was only 6am and you had already found yourself crawling out of bed to your desk to slave over work with your partner in crime, caffeine. The feeling it gave you was warmth, but all around you was evidence of yet another year of Christmas’ return. A small pine tree suffocating in tinsel lent broadly on your windowsill, whilst the streets below seemed to glow with spirit. 

If it weren’t for your non-stop schedule, you would have stopped for an hour or two at your window and become completely entranced in the flow of rosy-cheeked shoppers and lights. You liked the lights the most, but staring at them for too long could almost pierce the veil that you were really happy with the way things were currently going.

Although it felt like a millennia, it was just two months ago that you had started working as a sales assistant for a local retail store that just needed extra staff to cover Christmas time. Things had been rough since moving away, you guessed, and had immediately tried to soften the blow by pre-occupying yourself.

You had tried a convenience store which fell through when you tried to confront some obvious thieves against your managers wishes. You had then attempted to work in a jewelers, before being dismissed for being too friendly to the customers, almost ‘befriending every single one’ as your manager put it. That kind, outgoing streak in you seemed like your ultimate downfall, before you finally found yourself as a sales assistant with things looking-up as the senior staff seemed to cherish the youthful spark within you. And you quite enjoyed working there, spreading your knowledge and learning things about each customer as-well; it felt a bit like life had just softened all the blows and gave you a hearty pat on the back.

Of course the pain from moving didn’t just disappear. You supposed it was time that almost bandaged that wound. Yes, you’d call it a ‘wound’..maybe now a scar. That’s what moving away from your hometown in New Zealand felt like to you. No one can deny that childhood heavily influences the entire spectrum of a human, so it felt safe to say that the countryside had forever bred a love for monotony and peace inside of yourself. Walking to work each day, you seemed surrounded by noise: the sound of cars, the small violence of neon shop lights and the constant buzz of conversation. This was not the same a few years ago before you moved. Out in the sticks, things flowed with a calm intensity: everything felt as one. It just felt more bearable to work, live and breath. 

Each evening you’d find yourself re-cooping under the nearest loose-leaf shaded tree or patch of grass near your house, a book and pencil in your hand, or sometimes just you and your thoughts. During that time, you’d worked in a bakery next to your house. It was a small village near a beach, and you found it easy to navigate yourself between neighbors and small shops. Most fondly, when thinking back to your home, you’d remind yourself of the field closest to the bakery. It seemed like only yesterday you were smuggling rolls from failed batches into your backpack to enjoy during your lunch break. You felt like The Famous Five itself (except from it was just solitary you) buttering bread rolls in a quiet field, attempting to converse with nature herself. The blades of grass, the dopey little flowers that seemed to smile back at you, and the sky..

The sky..the clear sky was the best. It seemed to clear any worries you’d had that day. 

And then, of course, there was 'him’..

The city smog here would often shadow the stars, leaving you feeling like the only entity on this earth. Couple that with the fear of you spending another year without visiting back home to see actual stars and experience undeviating peace; you felt completely fucked over. 

A sudden shrill sound of trucks passing blared through the window, pulling you from your thinking. You shook what felt like dust-mites from your hair. Staring around absentmindedly, you noticed you’d unconsciously downed all the coffee from your mug. 

“Ah..this isn’t any good.” You belched, almost fully deflating in your chair. The desk below you felt littered in paperwork from work. You’d recently been given overtime. ‘Overtime’ meaning absurd hours into the holidays where all you felt like doing was kicking your feet up and watching something you love. That, at this point however, felt extremely optimistic as you now had just a day before the deadline to file through papers you hadn’t chance to finish in your last shift. 

“Bags feel heavy..” You murmured “My eye bags feel heaaavy..” 

You filed through the sheets below you, all the blanks needing to be filled in were more than obvious to your eyesight. What was all this for anyway? You vaguely remember sitting through a precarious training session at work that answered the above question, but you also vaguely remembered it going right over your head. At this point, you wished you could just spend your days glued to a window, just observing and doing nothing at all.

Thumbing at the sheets, the nerve to refill on coffee shook your senses, bringing you to your feet. The large mug hanging from your hand paled in comparison to the weight you felt was dragging down on your small frame. You hoped a nice drink and the process of walking a few meters would give you some air.

You unlocked your bedroom door, always cautious to remain private, and stepped out onto the corridor to reach the kitchen. Moving closer, the sound of traffic from your room faded, and your roommates jovial humming filled the space. Stepping into the doorway, it felt like you had walked into some kind of psychedelic grotto, as your roommate could not be heard humming notable Christmas tunes. Dangling on a wooden dining chair, she seemed tempted to cover your Christmas tree in as many colors and designs as possible. Ornamental hot-dogs, cats, rainbows, teddies and doughnuts hung on each branch, almost screaming out to the entire world to be paid attention to. Moving closer to inspect the madness of the tree, you felt surprised that your roommate didn’t feel confident enough with this bright display to proclaim it to the entire block of flats. 

“Ah Toya, you’re nuts!” You exclaimed.

“You could say that..” She laughed, halting her humming and stepping clumsily from the chair to seat herself opposite yourself. 

“You’re literally, a complete Christmas cracker!”

“Well..” She said, pondering her own work “I think it definitely makes a statement.”

That’s for sure, you thought. Gazing at the Christmas tree, you seemed to spot every single element of her glistening in the tinsel. Around the room, you noticed so much of her work; not just the decorations, but the tidiness. You felt like you had been locked away in your room for days, simply apparating to and from your bedroom to your job. Looking at all of this only made that feeling more seated in your stomach as you realized just how much you’d missed socializing with your roommate. 

“Y/N” Toya said, standing up and gently patting your shoulder, moving you out of your thoughts “Hey, I need to speak to you about - “

“Do you think i need to stop drinking coffee?” You blurted “Sorry - I mean..i’m struggling a bit with my work and it seems to help but I've been in my room a lot now and I feel bad about being away from you and just not being this crazy socialite that I usually am.”

“Judging from the length of that sentence, I think you’ve probably had enough caffeine for today.”

“I - “

“Why don’t you sit down so i can have a word with you regarding - “

“Hold on a second Toya. Sorry, i just want to get myself one more cup, then i’ll ration myself on water for the rest of the day, k’ay?” With that, you hustled over to the kitchen worktop and began to make another brew for yourself that was gonna be a lot more than just small. 

With the coffee jar in the base of your hand, and its granules filing their way into your mug, you felt Toya’s eyes searching yours from the other side of the room. Things had hushed since you denounced your second coffee escapade for the day, and you suspected she wasn’t too happy with the way you were acting; you weren’t too happy with the way you’d been acting yourself.

Whenever Toya felt a led of resentment towards your behavior, she’d do this - just stop talking and confront you with her eyes. At this point in your friendship, you could tell instantly when it was going to happen. It was her silent way of judging, but acknowledging you at the same time.

When you’d left home and took up your first job in the city, you’d met Toya: hiding in the nooks of a storage room at your convenience store, rummaging through boxes of candy to deliver, a lollipop in her mouth. You were the cashier and she was the local delivery driver who scooted her way around the neighborhood each week, running errands with a smile on her face. That contagious smile brought out the socialite within you, and three months later you looked at Toya as a friend, and a roommate. 

You suspected she’d seen your downward spiral, and so her staring had become more frequent recently. This was, inevitably, a game of cat and mouse..and soon she would end up catching right onto you..the cat who got the cream. It was only the fact that she cared about you, and the fact that you wouldn’t open up to her that made her once vocal attempts turn to silent, vicious calls to action.

But you were scared to say anything really. Your innocence, your childhood, your hometown was this fragile thing stored deep within you. 

Not only that, but how would you be able to tell her about ‘him’?..it all just felt easier to avoid. 

“Ah shit, i guess that’s the last of the coffee granules..” you grumbled, letting the coffee jar go empty and your mug liquid black. You screwed the lid back on with applied tension and began to move toward the door with your beverage, letting Toya’s eyes follow you. 

“It’s not about you moving away, is it?” She chimed.

“..What?”

“Well..you are hurt because you’ve moved all of a sudden and its a big change, right? But that’s not just it? That’s not the main reason.”

“I need to get this paperwork done, I'm sorry.” You felt frozen, attempting to walk back to your room and away from her despite your body desperately telling you to turn back and be honest. It wasn’t entirely the truth and - hell you knew that, you’d told yourself this every day - but you couldn’t just tell Toya everything. You couldn’t even say ‘his’ name. You decided that you would never bring him up unless he made himself visible to you. On that note, you felt your bedroom door close behind you and the world fall away a little bit as your mug met the desk and your back met your chair. 

Thinking like this was a dilemma; The definition of its adjective: using thought or rational judgement, seemed to contradict every illogical and irrational thing running through your mind right now. This was the whole reason why sticking to bed, caffeine and staring out of windows made life much easier for you, it disabled you from thinking like this and simply focusing on the task at hand, even if that task was lying in bed. Of course you knew it contradicted everything you were and loved back in the countryside, but like animals adapt to changing habitats, you had simply adjusted to compete with the concept of living in a state of constant sensory overload.

Okay. Think straight. Put your coffee down - yes, leave it, no drinking.  What was the best thing to do now? Tugging your phone from your pocket, you realized only an hour had passed..and you had a whole day to complete this work. I mean, it was only 7am, sleep didn’t seem entirely unjustified..

-------------------------------------------

“Good morning, your listening to The Edge Radio Station, Auckland. The summer holidays truly are out and were getting on our festive gear with some of your favorite Christmas Classics. -”

It was the distant thrum of the radio that brought you out of your sleep; that, and the fact you felt you were jolting around at 50/mph. It wasn’t long before the far off hope for more sleep suddenly made you realize you weren’t sitting at your desk; at least the constant movement of your body didn’t make it feel like that. 

A quick panorama was all it took to bring you to your senses. You were in a car seat, your legs twisted horizontally, thumping against the chair. Your hands wriggled in your lap, and you felt the slight sensation of drool pooling down your jaw. Lazily wiping your mouth you peered out to your right. Toya sat in the seat next to you, slouched in the backrest, casually orienteering the steering wheel. Her black hair was slightly muzzled, a habit in the midst of her frustration, her clothes exactly the same as the ones she wore this morning. With the placid look on her face, you wondered what had led her to placing you in her car and spontaneously driving off. A distant memory of her wanting a ‘word’ with you floated around in your mind bringing you to the conclusion that this was what the ‘word’ was going to be: a trip somewhere that was probably foreign to you. 

So where were you headed? What urgency required you to drop all work and all plans on Christmas Eve to be dragged unconscious into a car and driven away by your roommate? The fear of missing deadlines and skipping work fizzled in your stomach, wondering how you’d ever explain this to your manager, your colleagues and a more than disappointed set of parents. 

“Ah so your awake?” Toya said, turning slightly toward you.

“What have you done now? I need an entire explanation.” You replied, sitting up straight, letting your hands cling to the dashboard. 

“What have you been doing with yourself y/n? I’ve shook my hair up in frustration because of you, you’ve let yourself slip.”

“I’ve been slipping since i first took that job at that fucking convenience store..”

“Right, and i thought..” She paused, scratching her head “I thought that you’d only get worse spending Christmas cooped up in our flat with just my crazy ass to keep you company. I mean, i know i’m not much help, but you’re so private you don’t tell me anything, you just crack jokes. And i was trying to speak to you earlier, to tell you i wanted to take you somewhere. I didn’t want it to have to get to the point where it feels like i’m kidnapping you because you value coffee over important conversations.”

You mumbled an incoherent ‘yeah’ in response. 

“So I guess now is the time I reveal to you what i’m doing..” 

With an exhale, she loosened her grip on the wheel and grabbed your hand. Eyes still on the road ahead of her, the unexpected touch helped to bridge your barriers and relax you ever so slightly. 

“I’m taking you back to your hometown y/n. I thought you could spend Christmas Eve there with me or just by yourself, then on Christmas Day you could go to your parents..i mean, I've contacted them and everything.”

It felt like an electric bolt had run through you “What? What?!”

“You needed to get out for a bit, I had to do this.”

“But Toya, what about my work and everything. I purposely locked myself away because I couldn't go out, I just couldn’t make the time.” You felt yourself gasping and all of a sudden the familiarity of the scenery washed over you.

It was the red budded trees you instantly recognized, standing tall by the roadside in little colonies, their wide branches leaning out to you. Metrosideros Excelsa, the epitome of Christmas and the most precious thing about the season to you was, all of a sudden, everywhere. They were evergreen plants, with beautiful fluffy red flowers, topped with yellow buds. On Christmas Eve and New Year’s, you’d go the short distance to the beach with your family and shelter yourself under one, watching the sunset and the tide slowly pour in. At night, the tree would turn a burgundy red, its branches whistling in the gentle wind. It was custom each year to witness fireworks on the beach, go swimming or attend a village barbecue to reflect on the seasons. 

But how could you enjoy these things once again with the thought of progress on your mind, with the looming fear of disappointment from your peers creeping over you?

“It’s okay y/n, I've sorted everything out, absolutely everything.” Toya chimed, a smirk running along her lips, her hand squeezing yours “I spoke to your manager last night, and told him about your situation. You know how proud they are of you and how much of an asset you are to the company, as much as you want to deny it. Anyway, he was very sympathetic and took it as a debt to you to give you a week off as ‘sick pay’ on account of poor mental well-being. Mam and Paps know part of your situation as well and they can’t wait to have you over for Christmas Dinner; they were practically vibrating with excitement down the phone line when I rang them this morning.

You felt dumbfounded “I don’t know how to thank you enough Toya.” 

Her hand moved back to the steering wheel, the surroundings becoming ever more familiar and comforting “You don’t have to thank me. Go and enjoy yourself for a bit.”

------------------------------------------- 

It was a small parking bay at the edge of the village farm that you stopped at. you nervously shrugged off your seat belt and stood out in the warm air as everything washed over you. As calm as the nearby sea, it felt you had never really left, like you could just let the past few years fall from your memory. 

“Do you need some alone time?” Toya murmured, standing in the distance like a silent spectator.

“Yeah..i think so. Is that alright?”

“You do what feels right, honey-bun, just meet me at the local bar if you feel a bit lonely.”

With a nod in her direction, she hugged the small of your waist and galloped off into the distance. You were left like a little stick figure in a vast, desolate space and it felt absolutely liberating. Just what would you do now?

Your feet, almost unknowingly, led you away from the small farm field and onto a narrow lane ahead of you. You were reminded that this was the lane you used to take to work, and the lane you would take home afterward; it was like the main passageway for all your old country escapades as a child. Although small, and sometimes tenebrous in the evening, it brought you many memories of daydreams you’d had walking after a long day, or all the little melodies you’d made up occupying your journey home after school. Today, the path was brightly lit in the early afternoon. your shoes felt light skidding across the dry gravel. You supposed you’d take this time alone to reminisce and re-live. Time didn’t have to be this constricting and bewildering thing - you could take its reigns and shape the next few hours alone how you wanted to.

Making your way along the bushes, you stopped at the first turning: the small rickety lane to the bakery. it spoke to you, and you stepped onto its stones, your toes curling in your shoes as you meandered up and down its bumpy body. It wasn’t long before you arrived at the small shop and its fields that stretched miles ahead. You thought it wouldn’t be a silly idea to pop in and grab something like a cheese roll to savour out on the grass in the thick heat. Almost skipping down the path, you made your way through the wooden doors of the bakery, hearing a distant bell chime of a new customer and immediately made your way to the cashier. 

Before you knew it, you were walking over to a patch of empty field with a slightly soggy bag filled with two cheese rolls. Unfortunately, at the bakery, you didn’t recognize anyone. You had hoped that with the joy of its scenery, all of your old colleagues would still be there, including its most pretentious and unforgettable one, that guy you found it painful to say the name of. 

But like life had made a new path for you to become a ‘city girl’, so it seems it had for the rest of your old friends at the store. Certainly life, in all its modern and progressive grandiose, didn’t wait for any poor kid to catch-up. You could definitely attest to that statement.

Your cheese roll tasted just as good as ever, its gooey innards melting onto your tongue, warming you up even more than before. You bit into its dough again and again, ravishing the flavour as if it were a particularly fond memory. Part of it really was a memory. Working at the bakery, you would eat these little guys all the time; biting into it really took you back to a time where you didn’t have to worry about the future or the scary word that was ‘responsibility’. Maybe downing this cheese so carelessly really would transport you back in time. 

In the meantime, you just watched the clouds. Unlike back at your apartment, where the majority of cloud watching came from gluing yourself to a window on the fourth floor of a city skyscraper, this felt much more holistic, almost as if you could touch the clouds. The sky, free from pollution, was extremely vibrant, forming itself like a little dome encapsulating the village. 

*rustle*

The sound of grass being trampled on disrupted you from your thinking. You turned back to locate the sound and spotted a figure in the distance. Mid-bite of your cheese roll, you swallowed thickly and attempted to identify the person. To your luck it was a boy: tall, dark hair..broad shoulders..

Shit..it was Jin

Immediately, you turned away, praying by some divine intervention that you would disappear into the blades of grass and become entirely invisible. Maybe if I lean forward a bit, or hide my hands in my jacket and let it swallow me i won’t be noticed. You were terrified that with every passing second your presence would become more clear to him and eventually you’d feel his breath upon your neck..

..Which is just what you so happened to feel after that thought dawned over you.

“Long time no see, y/n.” You felt a deep, sentimental voice speak from over your shoulder.

“Jin..hi.” You whispered, briefly turning to watch him sit next to you, palms and legs outstretched. 

Jin, in two words, was devastatingly handsome. Among the green grass dunes, his white shirt and slack jeans were incredibly vibrant. His broad shoulders stretched his shirt, showing a defined caramel collarbone and his dark intimate eyes seemed to bore into yours. It was hard not to be completely transfixed by his presence. But you knew all too well why you hadn’t uttered his name in the past few years; why you hadn’t even thought of his name. Even Toya had said that leaving this beautiful countryside haven wasn’t the worst thing on your mind, it had been Jin all along. 

You supposed it was time, in this confronting scenario, that you replayed the scene itself. It was November 2017, and you had stopped in these fields for the last time before leaving to the city. A backpack full of notepads and pencils shook as you hopped on the bumpy path toward the bakery. It was almost pitch black and your head had felt sore all day from thinking about all the things you’d had to leave behind. I’ll see you very soon old friend, don’t worry - you thought. But it felt easier just to say the words and not so easy to believe in them. 

A dip in the hill is where you sat, and is where Jin joined you that night. Surprising you at first, you warmed to his shadow and ended up stargazing with him. You were sure hours and hours had passed before you found yourself opening the door to your home, legs slightly like jelly from the way butterflies flew around your stomach. It hurt leaving Jin even more than leaving your hometown because he was the person that encapsulated it all for you. It was almost like he was a product of everything you had ever loved and missed about your childhood and your home. Even lying with him for a few hours that night, you felt you had found the missing piece. 

Of course all of this sounds wonderful and peachy, until you recount the promise he made to stay in touch. And, bam, that was the thing that had hurt you the most - like cupid’s arrow to the spleen - he had never contacted you since. 

“Are you cloud watching? Can i join?”

“I guess..” You mumbled, shifting slightly to allow a space between you as you laid on the grass.

You felt his shoulder nudge yours as you sunk into the grass beneath you. Exhaling slightly, you begin to focus on the shapes of the soft white tufts above you, distracting yourself from Jin.

“I work at the bakery now. I always have lunch in these fields; nature is kind to me and what-not.” Jin said

“Right.”

“I guessed you were probably curious as to why you’d find me here..” He rocked gently on one side to face you more, his hair falling over his face. “What brings you here, fair maiden?” 

You were reluctant to respond, your focus on the clouds becoming less and less possible “I have a job as a sales assistant, and a roommate to keep me company.”

“It sounds like you’ve really succeeded.” He responded, arms now splayed behind his head. 

A silence fell over the field, and you felt ever more uncomfortable. This was your golden opportunity to confront Jin and attempt to clear the metaphorical air. 

“Why are you acting like nothing happened Jin?” You waited for a response, but only seemed to hear from the wind as Jin’s eyes glazed over watching the clouds. “You do realize I haven't actually been succeeding all that much in life, right? Things were difficult the moment I left here and - I hate to say it - but you played a big part in that.”

“I’m sorry..”

What?..

“What?! You’re just sorry? Jin, you promised that you’d check on me, that we’d check on each other. I must have looked obsessive because I’d be messaging you every single week and to no reply. It wasn’t like that night was just a one-time thing..we both knew that.”

“I know that I just - I don't know what to say..” His stare was fraught on the sky now, never wavering toward you. The silence was apparent and becoming almost deafening as you attempted to ask him ‘why?’. 

“You really just didn’t care did you?”

“I - “

You stumbled onto your feet for purchase, moving back from him “You don’t know how long I've wanted to talk to you and - god, i didn’t want it to be like this Jin..but I'm hurting.”

“I’m sorry, I'm struggling to explain myself. I’m not easy when it comes to these things but I didn't just ignore you, i swear.”

At this point you were deafened by silence and seeing a tinged red in your vision. Getting these emotions out was a rarity and everything had just poured out, leaving you almost devoid of feeling. What more could you say to him without making things even worse? You needed to be rational and the best way to do that was to walk away from the situation. 

“I’m sorry - I just want to sort things out.” He pleaded again but to no avail. Sandwiched between clenched teeth you simply sighed before walking away, his broad figure wavering, so fragile and volatile. Walking away from Jin would stop him from breaking.

Continuing to remain as rational as possible, you made your way back through the tight-squeeze lane and toward the car park. There, in the opposite direction, would be a road that led to the local bar. There, you hoped you would find a sober Toya to spill your guts to about what had just happened. 

-------------------------------------------

Your hopes came true; when you arrived at the lane leading to the small bar, there she was outside, a cigarette dangling from her lips. She looked surprised when she saw you stumble towards her, attempting to remain calm, but seeming to fail miserably. It wasn’t long before her cigarette butt was on the floor and she was pulling you into the building to get you a seat. 

“What have you gone and done now? You’re meant to be enjoying yourself..” She sighed as she pulled out a bar stool for you and ordered a pint of sparkling water.

Before long, you had explained everything to her. You were less worried about how fast everything had come out of your mouth, and more relieved that you’d just opened up to someone close to you. Toya had sat still the entire time, silent and supportive. You could tell, behind her eyes, that she was surprised that you were being this honest with her - it was nice.

“Goodness y/n..i completely understand where you're coming from.” She tilted her glass toward her mouth, speaking in muffles “But I'm sure Jin didn’t mean it. I remember when we first moved in together and how eager you were to tell me about him. You don’t have to know someone for years to be able to pick out their core personality traits, and it's obvious that Jin was never good at expressing his true feelings.”

“But why couldn’t he just be honest with me; I thought I meant at least that much to him.”

“I think deep down you know the answer to that but you don’t want to face it. He’s almost exactly like you y/n, he has this barrier that keeps him from being hurt by others - deep down he’s a really sensitive and giving person..like yourself.”

She broke away from her drink to confront you directly, her eyes piercing yours like Jin’s had earlier. You froze slightly from her look, a feeling falling over you that suggested you’d messed up. Badly. 

“I shouldn’t have been so brash, right? Ah, its painful because everything is so beautiful here, and i just wanted to enjoy it all before I was reminded that he existed. I’m sorry Toya.”

“It’s fine, honey-bun. You need to start enjoying yourself here, i see you want to so just let go. And while your at it, learn something you can take back to the city with you and hold close to your heart.”

“You’re right..”

“Not usually.” She laughed “Listen, I saw a poster earlier this afternoon advertising a beach barbecue later today. Do you want to go with me and we can let our hair down together?”

And there was that little weight that suddenly loosened itself  “I would love that.”

-------------------------------------------

The sun had fallen down to the shore, and the sky was a caramel yellow by the time Toya and yourself had gotten down to the beach. Just by the incoming tide and a crop of trees was a large crowd of villagers, drinks in hand, dancing to a more relaxing beat of house music. You’d instantly been drawn to this interaction and found yourself - merely 30 minutes later - riding a high after two mixed drinks, buzzing from the bodies around you. 

Although it was a more civilized kind of ‘party’, you’d always been prone to perhaps drinking too much for your own good and, at this point, you couldn't care any less. Looking to the side of you, Toya stood close, enjoying her drink. She kept her distance, allowing you to soak in the atmosphere, but remained near just in case you needed her. You liked that; she always seemed to be looking out for your best interests. 

At this point, you were just following the rhythm of the bass. In your slightly blurred eyesight, the sky was dropping through a rainbow of colours, taking you through a trip in itself. Losing yourself in the airs iridescence, you could almost forget about the events of earlier today. 

“Ladies and gents, were frying the food up now so get your stomachs ready for the best Christmas dinner of your life!” A male voice boomed from over the crowd, a small speaker in his hand to project his voice over the vast lines of people on the beach. You decided to edge closer to the barbecue grill so as not to miss out on the food when it was ready. Pushing past various strangers, politely apologizing, you smelt the aroma of sausages come into your nostrils. 

It was then that you spotted Jin, standing behind the grill. On this hot day, he had unbuttoned his shirt and was wearing shorts, now conversing with the chef next to him. You swallowed thickly, not exactly feeling at your best to hold a proper conversation yourself, but feeling the overwhelming need to apologize to him.

In fact, that feeling seemed to completely take over any sense of direction you had, now forcing you to run over to him and sob a pleading ‘sorry’ into his bare chest. He seemed taken aback, pushing against you with some urgency to check you were okay, leaning down to confront you with his eyes. Through a now tear-stained and blurry vision you saw him as he clasped onto your shoulders as if they were magnets. 

“Ah Jin i’m s-sorry, i’m so sorry i was such an idiot earlier and I..I don’t k-know if i can make things right.”

He chuckled, breaking you out of your dizziness for a second, “You’ve drunk a bit much haven’t you?” 

“Shit..” You hiccuped “Maybe I have..”

“C’mon.” He took your hand, guiding you away from the crowd, “Let’s go somewhere more quiet so I can talk to you.”

-------------------------------------------

Jin had led you five minutes away from the crowd, behind the beach bush and onto a quieter sect of sand surrounded by palm trees. You both stopped, slightly short of breath and stood in silence, taking in the humid air. It was then you looked over to Jin and saw his head raised to the night sky. In the dark, his skin seemed almost luminescent, lit by the very stars above. His hair was tar black, his eyes twinkling. He was extraordinary, and you wondered - for a second - how on earth someone so ethereal could come from such a mundane place.  

Above you, the stars glowed once again for another night. Your intoxicated state bubbled with fondness at the balls of light shining overhead. They were so pretty, and it was hard not to become nostalgic as you were reminded of the night you shared with Jin looking at these very same stars. It was almost like you were in the presence of your two favourite things: the night sky, and the man who reminded you of that very same sky. It made you feel even more euphoric than any cup of alcohol possibly could. 

As you stood, almost floating with the evening buzz, you felt Jin clasp your hand. His warm fingers curled around yours. You gripped back just as tightly. 

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Jin said. 

“Yeah..it really is.” You breathed “It’s almost like every one of my childhood memories sits in these stars.”

“I get that..”

“It makes me realize how much I miss being away from this beautiful clear sky.” 

You wavered on your feet before turning to him. You felt his gaze follow from the stars to you, his breath beginning to settle on your cheek.

“I’m sorry for being pathetic at apologies y/n.” Jin spoke. “I didn’t explain myself earlier, and kind of just pushed the problem away. I shouldn’t have done that, it was an ‘idiot Jin’ move and i’m not an idiot..at least I don't think so.”

“If you’re an idiot, then i guess that makes two of us..”

“Well i don’t want to hide from you how I truly feel. And how I truly feel is..well i’m actually pretty sensitive. I don’t always know how to convey how i’m feeling and often I just bottle it up and use it on wasted energy. Sometimes it's easier not to open yourself up to people.”

Your hand melted into Jin’s, your stare softened “I guess that’s why you didn’t follow me to the city..”

“I wanted to..” He looked down at your feet, eyes not meeting yours “I swear, I would have gone that night if i could. But I - i just felt like a bit of a burden. Like, you wouldn’t want me there.” 

“Of course i would you dummy!” You shook his hand, lifting his chin up “Why are you acting shy all of a sudden? I mean, Jin, you’re the king of cocky.”

“You know me too well, cupcake.”

“Cupcake?”

“Yeah..cupcake.” He tested the name out on his mouth as it neared yours “I like the way it sounds on my lips.” 

“I like it too..”

“What the name?”

“No..” You mouthed “Your lips.”

Before you knew it, your faces closed the gap in the dark, and his mouth met yours. He was velvety, and soft, and hot. You didn’t want to sound crude, but you’d dreamt of this moment every night since meeting him. You didn’t expect everything to happen so fast once seeing him again, but you weren’t surprised. Since finding each other, almost like a movie, you found this huge spark; since separating you’d felt it everyday, this huge lack of him.

His arm laced around your waist, and he pulled you near to him, walking backwards to rest your back against a nearby tree. Jin pushed his lips harder against yours, your mouths moving in sync, your breathing growing heavier. He was quite intoxicating, the plush feel of him against you driving you crazy. 

“I want to do something to make up for earlier. To make up for the past few years away from you.” He gasped, pulling back from the heated kiss, “Let me treat you, cupcake.”  

It was then that he began to go down on your body. His lips first pressed against your neck, working against the bottom of your jaw and slowly moving onto your collarbone. He kissed each patch of exposed skin, his tongue swiping against your shoulder blade, making you keen into his touch. He worked inward, sucking tenderly, reaching a spot that made you whine against his neck. 

“Ah..” You groaned, letting his mouth work wonders down your figure “This is what you meant..” 

He hummed in response, now on his knees in order to move lower to your breasts. With a gentle flick he disregarded the strap of your shirt with his hands, letting your top sit on your waist. Noticing your absence of a bra, he smirked and cupped the swell of your tits with his hands, leaning to suck at your right nipple. His tongue lapped over your chest like a starved man, his other hand teasing your left breast, leaving you almost breathless.

“This is for the first year of our absence.” His words were muffled, and vibrated across your tits as he took your nipple into his mouth again. He sucked gently around your tit, moving his head from your chest with a wet, heated ‘pop’. He reached for your left breast with his mouth, his teeth now scraping against your soft flesh - a silent but raw need in the way he was touching your skin. 

Before you could reach for another breath, Jin was moving even further down, his face now reaching a dangerous but starved territory. You mewled into the air, grasping at his silk locks “Jin we’re outside, we’re not far from a crowd full of people..”

“That’s what makes it exciting, cupcake.” He whispered, his voice now four octaves lower, more huskier than ever. Jin’s fingers raked down your hips,  slowly resting above your ass, pulling you further into his touch. His hands skirted your shorts, slowly wiggling them down your thighs and to your ankles. You turned your head from him in embarrassment as your pants hit the floor, your legs clamping together like a vice. He gently pried them open, hissing at the sight of you glistening in the dark against the soft wooden bark of the tree behind you. Slowly looking down, you watched him from the hooded slits of your eyes, his lips beginning to press against your womanhood. Tongue now poking at your slit, you moaned as heat fully pooled in your stomach.

He smirked once again between your legs, fingers creeping down, reaching the flesh of your ass and squeezing it gently “This is for the second year of our absence.” He kissed your slit, tongue lapping you up like a meal, “Bon appetit!”

You could all but watch and respond in laboured breaths as he worked at your pussy, his tongue reaching deep inside you, fingers leaving marks against your thighs and backside. You’d never thought you could feel this close to Jin, but you were. He was world: the sky, the stars, your hometown, your Christmas. With his face buried into your heat, mouth working fast and rampant, you became more and more breathless, a knot now beginning to unravel in your stomach.

“Oh Jin..I’m c-close.” Your eyes glistened, mouth scrunching with pleasure as you watched Jin in the depths of your pleasure. He looked up at you, pupils blown out, hair sweaty, and that was all it took for you to be blown over the edge. For what felt like a minute, the sky became a dazzling black, and your body swelled with electricity. In that moment, he worked even faster, even more eager to draw ropes of pleasure from you. You groaned wildly, back pressing against the cold bark as your orgasm peaked, leaving you completely spent.

 In an attempt to conserve what little energy you had left in you, you let yourself fall to the sand, back sliding down the tree to lay among the dunes. It wasn’t long before Jin joined you, already on his knees. He moved to your side and wrapped his arm around your back to bring you against his chest. He was warmer than ever and seemed to bubble with energy. It was then you knew you didn’t have to say anything, you could just lay together now, lay like you did the first time you met and it would be fine. So that’s what you did. You snuggled against his chest, letting your eyes fall shut, falling into the night.

 -------------------------------------------

“y/n..”

“y/n wake up..”

“y/n..”

“WAKE UP!” 

You almost leapt out of your skin at the sound of what seemed seemed to be Toya shouting in your ear. All noise slightly muffled, you rose to your feet, taking in the scenery around you.

You were in a room, cream walls and a cream rug and what appeared to be a kitchen ahead of you. As you turned, you spotted a Christmas tree too, a Christmas Tree with all sorts of odd decorations littered over it. It took you a second, but before long it seemed scarily obvious..you were back home and in your front room with your roommate. How?..

“C’mon sleepy head, I've been trying to wake you up for ages.” Toya laughed, tugging you toward the tree.

“Ah, what?” You yawned, scrambling to your knees to meet Toya on the floor and gasp at all the presents lying underneath the tree.

“Your so forgetful. It’s Christmas!” She pulled a few presents from the tree and moved them toward you, grinning like a fool. “Open them honey-bun.”

You spent the rest of that morning (or was it the evening?) filing through presents. It felt like hours before you stopped, shocked at what Toya and your family had gifted you. You tried to dismiss what felt like a strange lapse in time since Jin and the beach, and slowly began to relax into the festive spirit. You finally came to your last present, toying with the bow like a soppy child, upset that the gifts had eventually came to an end. With reluctance, you lifted the lid and pushed the tissue paper aside to reveal a small box. Lifting its casing, you removed its top and watched as the present inside was slowly revealed to you. 

It was a beautiful silver necklace, ribbed and laced with gold embellishments. You twisted it around and swallowed as you were met with a small star trinket dangling from its centre. Who was this from, it had no label?

“Where’s the label?” You asked, turning to Toya for solace.

“Pull out all the tissue in the box, it might be at the bottom, i’m not sure.”

You leant over the box, pulling it back to you so you could remove all its packaging. It was only in the last thread of tissue, that the label was wedged. Pulling it out, you turned it over to read its addressee..

It read: 

‘Merry Christmas Cupcake. 

From your Star,

J x’

-------------------------------------------

[1dreality]

Zayn Malik was never the celebrity you thought he was. If it wasn’t already obvious from his detached, often melancholic interviews in the wake of his 2015 departure from One Direction, it will be from the title of his second solo album. The very elongated 27-track Icarus Falls is comprised of more of the sparse R&B that Malik has perfected since his first release Mind of Mine in 2016, but like its titular myth is also indebted to themes of incredible ascent and crushing decline.

A decline not of Malik’s career, it should be said, but rather of his own mental health, the album serving as both an intimate meditation on Malik’s life so far and a dire warning about the trauma of instant fame. It all leads to one obvious question: Is Zayn OK?

In an age of millennial openness and Instagram confessionals, Malik remains something of an outlier: an enormously famous and highly visible celebrity, but one whose ambiguity allows us to project much onto him. In our collective consciousness, he has been the 1D-fleeing villain, smoking cigarettes, being mean to his bandmates on Twitter and looking miserable as well as the “soft boy” pin-up, a vulnerable figure in desperate need of a hug.

Much of that ambiguity is intentional. Along with declining to tour Mind of Mine, Malik is often press-shy, choosing not to take part in TV sit-downs or play the social media game in an era in which somebody like Ariana Grande spends much of the waking day interacting with her fans on Twitter and Instagram.

And while Malik has been open about some of his past struggles, including his battle with an eating disorder at the height of his One Direction fame and consistent difficulties with anxiety, they’re often revelations that feel accidental in nature. We learn of them during an unexpected moment of truth-telling between him and a journalist, the subject quickly changed soon after, or through lyrics that are just descriptive enough to imply deep truths. Even talking about his anxiety in an essay for Time Magazine felt like a necessary course-correction after a string of cancelled gigs led to unflattering rumours about his health in the press.

Whether Malik’s public persona is intended as a protective mask or not, it is still difficult, particularly in the wake of Icarus Falls, not to feel something for him. After all, his jump from a working-class kid to an international superstar worth a reported $50 million, practically overnight, is the sort of trajectory most of us would struggle with at the age of 40, let alone at 17 when Malik auditioned for The X Factor.

Icarus Falls doesn’t cover any new sonic ground for Malik as an artist. It sees him return to the same well of threadbare, silky R&B that helped Mind of Mine easily trounce his fellow One Direction bandmates in the “best first solo record” stakes. But it does whirr with a noticeable sadness, Malik repeatedly mourns the peace of his pre-X Factor past and beats himself up for mistakes he feels that he’s made since. And when he speaks of emotional pain, it often sounds not like something confined to history, but rather something he’s dealing with every day.

“I’d rather be anywhere but here,” he sings on Good Years. “I close my eyes and see a crowd of a thousand tears / I pray to God I didn’t waste all my good years.” On Insomnia: “I’ve been roaming and strolling all in the streets / Burning my eyes red, not slept for weeks.” On Back to Life: “I been flying so long / Can’t remember what it was like to be sober.” On Satisfaction: “Nobody said this would be easy / Nobody gave me a rule book to follow.”

Even typical love songs are fatalistic in nature, talk of Armageddon running through both Flight of the Stars (“I will follow / Hold you close standing on the edge of no tomorrow”) and Tonight (“Love me like tomorrow’s never gonna come”), while much of the album nods to an unnamed great love in Malik’s life that he needs to overcome incredible odds to be with – nothing new for love songs, but given a greater weight when paired with his statements over the years. Because if we know anything about Zayn Malik, it’s that he often can’t stand being Zayn Malik.

Through much of the little press he has done, Malik has expressed unease with most of the trappings of fame, particularly the assumptions that he ought to be personable and friendly with industry figures or musical collaborators. And when it comes to One Direction, he still appears burnt by the experience. While he told Vogue in November that he has recently been able to see his time with the band as “an amazing experience,” despite the “bulls---” of what he refers to as “the machine,” he also told GQ in June that he didn’t make any actual friends during the peak of his fame: “I definitely have issues trusting people.”

In the numerous articles that pop up every winter recalling how good The X Factor used to be, clips are embedded that showcase many of its most memorable contestants, and every year it becomes that bit more shocking how much One Direction looked like children during their time on the show. The scrawny limbs, those Justin Bieber haircuts, the awkward school-talent-show bopping and shuffling. It somehow worked, enough at least to turn them into a tween phenomenon, but in hindsight it’s indefensible that they were pushed as significantly as they were.

There was always something deer-in-the-headlights about the band in its early days, a sense that at least a few of them had been pulled along for the ride as opposed to having a firm grip on the steering wheel. The hunger so visible in pop bands of similar notoriety, whether manufactured or not, wasn’t always visible – and while all of them have transitioned into stable adults who are, for the most part, comfortable in the spotlight, their jarringly different responses to fame remain clear.

It’s important to remember, for context’s sake, that Malik was always a reluctant star. Only attending his original X Factor audition after being guilted by his mother into waking up early and making the journey there, he was, in his own words to The Fader, “a lazy teen”. And even during the audition stages, he expressed reluctance to properly join in, walking off stage during a choreography rehearsal and having to be coaxed to go back. At the time, Malik’s reaction registered as a petulant strop, but now feels oddly prescient.

Of Malik’s One Direction bandmates, Harry Styles was always the most naturally inclined to superstardom – such an affable schmoozer and networker that it was quickly no longer surprising to see images of him palling around with Mick Jagger or Stevie Nicks. Liam Payne always bore the personality of someone very eager to be seen, lack of self-awareness very much included, while the perpetually chipper Niall Horan has always simply appeared very, very happy to be there. But both Malik and Louis Tomlinson have often visibly struggled, uninspired by the more performative and fraudulent elements of celebrity, or the levels of attention handed to them by Simon Cowell and co.

“What I really can’t ever get used to, or really enjoy, are these super geared-up celebrity parties,” Tomlinson told Noisey last year. “No one actually cares. You see people who are beyond self-absorbed, and that’s why it can be a dangerous place.”

Malik has echoed similar sentiments. “I don’t work well in group situations, with loads of people staring at me,” he told GQ. “And when you say ‘star’… everyone wants you to be this kind of character that owns a room or is overly arrogant or confident. I’m not that guy, so I don’t want to be a star.”

What’s odd is that, for all his claims, Malik does bear all the superficial trappings of modern stardom. He’s a fashion darling but is permanently magnetised to the covers of cool indie magazines. Furthermore, his on-again/off-again relationship with supermodel Gigi Hadid has, since 2015, become a Generation Z equivalent of Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder in its aesthetic-heavy, era-defining popularity.

But Malik is also simultaneously detached. The GQ profile, his most extensive recent interview, bears all the hallmarks of a journalist struggling to fulfil a word count because of an uncommunicative subject, writer Carrie Battan even expresses Malik’s tendency to reply to her questions in “friendly but anodyne one-liners.” Like the very best of pop idols, from Britney to Beyoncé, Malik is so compelling principally because he’s so hard to read. But this can also be a poisoned chalice: every expression of doubt or self-pity determined to be a cry for help, every revelation shaping an image that may or may not be real.

It means that listening to Icarus Falls isn’t an entirely joyous experience, Malik’s lyrics painting a picture of a young man still working through the discomfort of his sudden fame and the trauma of a moment in the spotlight marred by illness and fractured relationships, many of its scars still visible today. But it’s also a record that you can’t help but admire as a result, especially if it serves as a form of catharsis for him.

In the decade since Britney Spears was forcibly taken to the hospital surrounded by hundreds of paparazzi photographers, our collective relationship with the idea of fame has greatly altered, particularly for a generation who watched Amy Winehouse essentially die before their eyes. The one beneath them are currently coming to terms with a raft of recent pop star crises, from Demi Lovato’s overdose to the deaths of artists like Mac Miller and Lil Peep.

For all the obvious charms in Malik’s life, from his incredible fortune to a kind of artistic freedom that he never had in One Direction, you’d have to be particularly cold not to feel empathy for the sheer strangeness of his adult existence; a world of rampant, maddening attention that has historically led even the strongest of stars into tragedy.

The Zayn Malik of today is a little bruised, a little listless, his magazine profiles never complete without references to the cloud of marijuana smoke that lingers around him, or his need to lock himself away from the world. It doesn’t sound like the most ideal of outcomes for a man who calls himself a pop idol Icarus and sings with whispery detachment that he has “[flown] too close to the sun.” But we can only hope that it at least serves as a parachute.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13th October 2019

This was a pretty important week, as while we only had around four debuts, there’s finally some more shake-up in the top 20, which had been pretty stagnant for a while, and two new arrivals entering directly in the top 20 so without further ado, let’s review the charts.

Top 10

Still at the top for its second week this week is “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I, also entering at #96 in the US, which is expected as I’ve been predicting a crossover for weeks, but I did not expect this to be such a global hit in all honesty, mostly since the song felt too low-key to just not be a European indie fluke hit. I suppose I really have no idea what becomes a hit or not in 2019.

Our first new arrival is at number-two, with Travis Scott’s lead-off single, “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM”. The song debuted at #1 in the US, but here it’s just barely been kept at the runner-up spot, and I don’t mind either way, because while “Dance Monkey” may be a lot more distinct, both of the songs are very middling in terms of quality. This is Scott’s ninth ever UK Top 40 hit, sixth Top 20 and his third Top 10 hit. In fact, its debut at #2 made it trump “Zeze” with Kodak Black and Offset (peaked at #7) as Travis Scott’s highest-peaking song in the UK. How on Earth it did that is for me to talk about later, so for now let’s move on, as I don’t see this sticking.

Since there are no massively dramatic changes in the top 10 other than the debut of “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM”, most songs here are just down one space, including “Ride It” by Regard featuring Jay Sean to number-three.

AJ Tracey’s “Ladbroke Grove” is also down one spot this week to number-four.

Interestingly, up one position this week is “Circles” by Post Malone, which I’m going to say now, will become a #1 hit near Christmas if not sooner.

Kygo and the late Whitney Houston continue the trend of brief descent as “Higher Love” is down a spot to number-six.

Joel Corry’s “Sorry” featuring uncredited vocals from Hayley Mays hasn’t moved since last week at number-seven.

Up six spaces from last week and entering the top 10 for the first time is “Outnumbered” by Dermot Kennedy at number-eight, becoming Kennedy’s first top 10 hit and this success should have been obvious from the start of its chart run, although personally I’m not a fan.

Dominic Fike’s “3 Nights” is down a spot to number-nine.

And finally, rounding off the top 10 are Young T & Bugsey featuring Aitch with “Strike a Pose”, also falling a singular space this week.

Climbers

Our climbers here are pretty sparse, mostly affecting songs that debuted last week. Aitch gets his fifth UK Top 20 hit as “Buss Down” featuring ZieZie (It’s his first) is up five to #20 thanks to the release of the video. Outside of the top 20, “South of the Border” by Ed Sheeran featuring Camila Cabello and Cardi B experiences a pretty uncommon climb of 16 spaces to #24 off of the debut, although that doesn’t mean it’s of any quality, of course, as this is probably the worst song on the tone-deaf Ed Sheeran collaborations project. Hopping off of that success is Camila Cabello’s solo work, as for whatever reason, “Liar” is up eight positions to #27 this week. Also increasing off of its debut last week is “Turn Me On” by Riton, Oliver Heldens and Vula, moving up eight spaces to #29, and that’s all.

Fallers

While we had some pretty big climbers, they really do not compare with the impact of the fallers this week, with enough quantity but the songs themselves are genuine smash hits for the most part, although I still feel like we could have easily had some more notable drops here. “Bruises” by Lewis Capaldi is down five to #16 off of the re-entry, “Taste (Make it Shake)” by Aitch suffers streaming cuts (see: dumb UK chart rules that admittedly keep the chart constantly fluctuating and interesting) down a whopping 22 spaces, landing at #26, “Senorita” by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello is down six to #30, “Beautiful People” by Ed Sheeran featuring Khalid is thankfully down six to #34, “Playing for Keeps” by D-Block Europe featuring Dave has floundered entirely off of the debut, down 16 spaces to #37, and finally, “Harder” by Jax Jones featuring Bebe Rexha is down seven spots to #39.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

It seems like for a while, we’ll just have Post Malone songs dropping out and exchanging themselves for... other Post Malone songs. This week, “Goodbyes” featuring Young Thug dropped out from #23 and “Sunflower” with Swae Lee from the Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse soundtrack dropped out from #31, in exchange for other Post Malone songs outside of the top 40 to re-enter (“Take What You Want” and “Saint-Tropez”). Other drop-outs include “Nookie” by D-Block Europe featuring Lil Baby out from #30 and “boyfriend” by Social House featuring Ariana Grande out from #34, but there are no returning entries (in the top 40), so it’s time to talk about the new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#38 – “Graveyard” – Halsey

Produced by Jon Bellion, Ojivolta, Louis Bell and the Monsters and the Strangerz – Peaked at #11 in Belgium and #44 in the US

Halsey’s album release has been pretty messy but to be fair to her and her team, I’d have no idea what to do after how globally massive “Without Me” was, as I don’t think Halsey would have wanted to continue down an R&B-pop lane... and clearly, she didn’t, as her next single, released months after, was “Nightmare”, a pop punk belter that pretty much nobody liked and it underperformed heavily, which is unfortunate as I actually quite enjoyed that song. Now Halsey’s back with a safer, more accessible single from her upcoming album Manic, set to release in 2020, and promoted by a livestream of her painting the album cover, for whatever reason, and, well, we’ll see how it holds up to her hit singles from other album eras, including “New Americana” and... “Bad at Love”... okay, so if this isn’t terrible, I’m marking a pretty great improvement on Halsey’s part. Regardless, this is her eighth UK Top 40 hit and... why does this need seven writers again? Five of those writers are confirmed producers, but Halsey and her co-writers seem to be out to damage her singer-songwriter/indie queen image, signifying perhaps that this new album will be more of a traditional pop record. Okay, I’m not going to lie, I’m pretending to be interested in whatever Halsey’s doing, I’m just excited to listen to this because I love Jon Bellion. I always forget he exists, but whenever he produces a new single or comes out with a fantastic album out of nowhere like last year’s Glory Sound Prep, I’m pleasantly surprised. You can definitely tell “Graveyard” is a Bellion production, albeit it does feel his maximalist style has been watered-down to fit Halsey’s cynical songwriting. The sweet guitar is definitely reminiscent of Bellion, but it’s chopped in an EDM-like fashion, and the bouncy synths are actually pretty cute surrounding Halsey’s... well, they sure are vocals. The tropical percussion sounds pretty cheap and the loop ends abruptly, with the vocals and synths occasionally clipping in the mix, which doesn’t really make much sense here, and in the chorus, Halsey punches in a line so blatantly that it is a painful, slightly off-beat jerk towards the next line. It’s probably the most incompetent production I’ve ever heard on a Halsey song, which is surprising for a song with five producers. You’d think someone noticed that during the process but that happens not to be the case... but it’s in the chorus, guys! Surely, you’d want the hook to not sound awkward and have, you know, any impact. It’s not a bad song, and it’s not like I had that high expectations, but somehow I’m still disappointed. Bellion can do better. Not sure about the other six songwriters, though.

Also, that bridge is absolutely pathetic, like come on, you didn’t even try.

#25 – “Playing Games” – Summer Walker

Extended version features Bryson Tiller – Produced by London on tha Track – Peaked at #16 in the US

Bryson Tiller isn’t credited on any of the British chart info, but his extended version is what’s getting the most plays, his verse is in the music video, Wikipedia credits him and the album adding this extended remix with Bryson Tiller is the only reason it’s even close to this high so let’s talk about Summer Walker. I mean, yeah, I like SZA too. Summer Walker to me seems like the amalgamation of all of the better female R&B singers to come before her that are in her same lane, in fact, some of the males as well. She’s like Khalid had a child with Jhené Aiko out of wedlock, but Jhene wants a DNA test as that child might have actually been with the Weeknd or another suspected dad, 6LACK. I don’t usually mind Summer Walker but I’m just frustrated with her. Ever since her debut mixtape Last Day of Summer dropped, I have been waiting for a single from her that doesn’t completely flout her talent, but it has yet to come, and when I like a song from her, it’s mostly because it has a sweet guest spot from someone else who knows how to play to their strengths, like Usher who has a placement on “Come Thru”, which probably should have been the lead single if I’m honest. Over It, Summer Walker’s debut album, was released last week to a lot of success, especially in the US, where it had the biggest ever streaming week for a female R&B project, and it featured an extended version of an already incredibly disappointing single released after she picked up a lot of traction with “Girls Need Love”, propelled by a Drake remix (It’s probably one of Summer’s best songs). “Playing Games” is one of the worst songs I think I have ever heard that reached the US Top 20, but it’s December in two months. List season is very much upon us. I don’t want to waste my energy. This will definitely still get Worst of the Week, but I don’t want to talk about it and spoil anything for the Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2019 list, as this will be pretty high on it.

#19 – “10,000 Hours” – Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber

Produced by Dan Smyers – Peaked at #2 in Canada and #4 in the US

Country music doesn’t appear on the UK charts often, it really doesn’t, but it’s had a pretty great year in terms of popularity, with so many of these random country songs that would have never peaked at higher than #30 in any other year are getting in the top 20, to the point where I’m worried I’ll have to start educating myself on the genre in case there’s ever a British country boom. “Whiskey Glasses” by Morgan Wallen, “The Git Up” by Blanco Brown, “God’s Country” by Blake Shelton, “Beer Never Broke My Heart” by Luke Combs, just to name a few. Is “Old Town Road” a product of this sudden surge in country’s popularity or is it a catalyst? I’ll leave that to thinkpieces and video essays to find out because I don’t care and I don’t know a damn thing about country, I just know I love this song, and I can’t exactly figure out why. Dan + Shay are a country music duo and arguably the biggest country band right now, with massive sleeper hits like “Speechless” and especially “Tequila” which was on the Hot 100 for about a year if not more yet it never peaked higher than #21, still making the Year-End top 40 for 2018, and I didn’t mind that song either but mostly because it was very far away from what I felt was actually country... it’s safe to say that “Tequila” now sounds like it comes straight from Roger Miller because “10,000 Hours” is about as country as strawberry ice cream is healthy. I mean, it has the right components to fill that quota, but it does not make use of them in a way that fulfils the criteria, and more often than not, completely dismisses them to focus on quality. This is basically a boy band song. It starts with a lush guitar sprinkled over a barely audible drowned-out drum break, with Dan and/or Shay singing in their traditional high-pitched tone with a pretty much non-existent country twang through a pretty quick first verse. Once that chorus hits, I fell in love with this song. It’s so cheesy, it’s so melodramatic, yet it works incredibly well because it feels like a genuine declaration of love and dedication towards each artists’ respective wives, and yes, you could say that it’s corny or saccharine, and I’d fully agree with you, but that’s why it’s worth listening to. Dan’s voice especially sounds pretty great for this type of song, and the vocalising in the post-chorus is pretty sweet, though I expected it to either run into Justin’s verse a bit more fluidly or go off into a bridge on its own, but it never really does, which is disappointing. Justin’s verse, as most of his verses are nowadays, is hilarious, with a punch-in that sounds like a line was completely replaced with the “Did you get your middle name from your grandma?” line, which has an oddly creepy inflection that is not helped by Justin’s huskier Auto-Tuned drawl, but his cooing and harmonisations otherwise work, especially in the pre-chorus. I also love how the drums come in for the chorus. The bridge is great on its own (albeit slightly awkward, which has its charm), but I’d appreciate it being expanded and having more harmony with Dan + Shay and Justin. Dan shines especially in the final chorus though, and the song ends with just a bunch of vocal riffing, which is pretty fitting for what’s essentially a wedding song. I love this song, but that might just be because it’s essentially a Christmas song in spirit and a Backstreet Boys song in execution. Oh, and did you know this is the most-streamed country song ever? That’s pretty crazy.

#2 – “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM” – Travis Scott

Produced by OZ, Nik D and Mike Dean - Peaked at #1 in the US

I have spent hours trying to find out why “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM” by Travis Scott debuted at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100. I listened the song once and was perplexed. Okay, first of all, let’s talk about the song, it’s not bad at all, in fact, I’d argue it’s pretty decent. I like the eerie vocal sample with a pretty speedy Latin guitar. Travis doesn’t say anything of interest and his oddly-mixed ad-libs are pretty fun, especially in the chorus, but it does seem a tad rushed overall. The verses and chorus very smoothly transition to each other, but the mixing is really shoddy at times, I feel like it’s mostly bass mastering that make this hard to listen to. It also has a pretty odd falsetto part at the end, but the outro is probably the best part of the song, with the pretty epic distorted synth layers and aggressive drums just piling on top of each other, with lyrics that are incomprehensible on top of them. So why is this #1 on the Hot 100? Well, okay, so let’s go through each idea.

The outro’s lyrics are incomprehensible, and Travis himself sold merch that claimed the outro was not for “decoding” and he told his fans to “just vibe”. Surely, that made some people that wouldn’t normally listen pretty curious. Rap Genius transcribers would have tried to listen to that outro and hence the song on loop for hours, just for Travis to literally delete it and annotate the outro saying that there shouldn’t be any lyrics or decoding, pretty much confirming that he’s saying nonsense words.

The song is about Travis’ ex-fiancé Kylie Jenner, who had reportedly separated two days prior to the release of the single. Kylie Jenner also promoted the single when playing a demo of the song in an April video about some kind of eyebrow product. There’s a lot of drama to unfold there and Travis does briefly mention Kylie, not by name, in lyrics. Kylie would later be seen at a party with Tyga.

From May to August, Travis teased the song several times by playing it at live shows. There was originally going to be a Lil Baby feature that was played at an August show.

Travis released an incredibly wacky, funny music video with a lot of vivid colours and interesting concepts to accompany the single release.

Travis released merch bundles where you could buy a digital single for free essentially if you buy a hoodie or something, most of the clothing having direct relations to the song and its lyrics. There were also several different physical versions released, including a CD, vinyl record and cassette tape. These bundles and merch are probably the reason it debuted so high all things considered, but do physical merch sales really drive a song to #1? Travis does not have near enough a pull in the UK to get a top 10 hit on his own, so I imagine the physical sales really drove this up to the #2 spot, as well as the merch bundles. This means that Travis now has a second #1 in the US to his name pretty much purely because of merchandise. It did not have radio support at all despite monstrous streaming and without the merch and physical sales, it would have debuted in the top 10 easily, top five probably, but definitely would not have dethroned the much more stable and balanced song in all platforms, “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo. Also, I know there are a lot of Travis Scott fans and they are all very dedicated people, but even they can tell this was probably made in a day, right? It’s just “BUTTERFLY EFFECT” again, but it’s not even by the same producer, so Murda Beatz pretty much had his beat ripped off for some throwaway single that somehow got to #1. Surely, to buy a physical copy, you need to care enough about the song. The music video was pretty great, fair enough, and Kardashian drama does bring a lot of publicity, but I do not see how in any way this song is captivating enough to be documented as a #1 debut. The song had essentially been leaked in its entirety – plus a Lil Baby verse that could have made it even bigger – at live shows. You have to be interested in the song enough to care about the lyrics, and I can’t find anything here that resonates. Billboard’s merch rules need some re-evaluation, man. It’s an okay song though, pretty disposable.

Conclusion

I’m not as angry at “HIGHEST IN THE ROOM” as it looks, the song’s tolerable, so Travis Scott isn’t even getting a Dishonourable Mention, in fact the Best and Worst of the Week fall out easily. Summer Walker and I guess Bryson Tiller get Worst of the Week for “Playing Games” (More on that song in a couple months) and Best of the Week goes to Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber for “10,000 Hours”, which is a really stupid song but it’s so fun. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week!

[213hiphopworldnews]

Nicki Minaj Proved She’s Worthy Of Her Throne With The Lyrically-Focused ‘Beam Me Up Scotty’

Trapaholics/Uproxx Studios

Run It Back is a retrospective review of classic or game-changing hip-hop releases whose style and sound still resonate with listeners in the modern, streaming-driven era. Hip-hop has always been a forward-facing, youth-oriented culture, but it’s also deeply informed by the past. This is our way of bridging the gap, paying homage to rap’s roots while exploring how they still hold relevance today.

With all the furor surrounding Nicki Minaj’s latest release, Queen, it’s easy to overlook the music itself, which is actually some of Nicki’s most true-to-self material since she first exploded onto the scene nearly a decade ago with her breakthrough mixtape, Beam Me Up Scotty. In fact, Queen represents a sort of return to form for Ms. Minaj — no EDM-ish dance-pop, all “chicken-and-rice flow” as one writer coined her West Indian patois-influenced, rugged, block-ready New York cadence.

That was the way she rocked when she first introduced herself to audiences in 2009: With a curl in her lip, a roll in her neck, a well-manicured hand on her hip, and street-stomping Timberland work boots on her toes. That was the Nicki the rap world fell in love with, enamored by her witty wordplay, casual charisma, and frenetic energy. Beam Me Up Scotty was the moment Nicki Minaj, the Harajuku Barbie, found her winning sound. She may have returned to the well for her latest release to mixed reviews, but there’s nothing like the original, whose undeniable energy she’s been working to match for the last nine years.

In order to appreciate Scotty, you have to also understand the context under which it was unleashed on an unwitting, unprepared, but perfectly primed rap world. It had been four years since Lil Kim’s The Naked Truth, four years since Missy Elliott’s The Cookbook, seven years since Eve-olution, and eight years since Foxy Brown released Broken Silence. Rah Digga’s Everything Is A Story had long been shelved, Jean Grae and 9th Wonder’s Jeanius had received a relatively low-key release after it leaked online years prior, and Queen Latifah had long since pivoted to acting full time — her Dana Owens Album and Trav’lin’ Light were collections of contemporary R&B and jazz standards, a far cry from the lyrical haymakers she’d thrown in her prime as an MC.

Basically, there were very few albums out from serious female rappers in the hip-hop realm, excepting Trina, whose Still Da Baddest had received a relatively warm critical and commercial reception against expectation in 2008. The void for female voices was pressing and immediate, a vacuum into which Nicki Minaj injected a much-needed presence with her outsized persona and insane delivery.

“I’m a be the queen, no matter how they shuffle,” Nicki snarls on her rendition of “Go Hard,” the nigh-ubiquitous DJ Khaled single that had taken over radio charts in 2008 with its autotuned Kanye West verses and T-Pain hook. Nicki’s version featured less singsong and more outright snap as she mauled her way through her high-speed verses alongside Lil Wayne, then thought to be one of the top rappers in the game for his work on Tha Carter III. While Nicki’s colorful presentation on Beam Me Up Scotty was the eye-catching hook, she distinguished herself with this and other scintillating displays of lyrical wizardry, carving a slice of rap real estate somewhere between the neck-twisting creativity of Missy Elliott and the gum-popping, streetwise bark of Lil Kim, with dashes of Left Eye’s perky brilliance and Foxy’s West Indian nonchalance.

Beam Me Up Scotty was Nicki’s first career renaissance, refocusing on music after she’d spent a span of time pushing her image. It’s impossible to disregard the obvious; Nicki has always been an attractive woman, but at the time she was making her entry into hip-hop, labels A&Rs and major publications couldn’t seem to get past female rappers’ looks.

A decade spent pushing raunchy rule breakers like Lil Kim and Trina had calcified the industry’s outlook on women rappers as purely sexual, to the point that Nicki herself had to clarify an earlier rhyme from “Playtime Is Over” on Scotty interlude “Nicki Minaj Speaks” about “Two Sticks In My Bun,” “‘Cause ya’ll minds is in the gutter.” Rap fans as a whole had begun to associate the sexual image promoted by prior rappers with the sometimes raunchy boasts of free-spirited rappers like Trina and Kim to assign sexual meanings to even non-sexual allusions, resulting in the first instance of Nicki’s tendency to over-explain lyrics — a proclivity that has carried over into her modern social media usage.

However, she doesn’t spend nearly as much time explaining herself on Beam Me Up as she would in later years. In 2008, she was more set on proving herself lyrically and letting fans figure it out on their own. Whether demolishing established hits like “Go Hard” or “Best I Ever Hard” or her own original tracks like “Kill Da DJ” and “Keys Under Palm Trees.” On the latter she details a murky past, littering the narrative with some of the cleverest one-liners of her career: “‘Bout to “Set It Off”, like Cleo / Mad they done tapped my Treo / Bagged my skio, heard the bitch lyin’ like Leo.” She flashes all of the hallmarks of her signature style, but rather than using her characters and vocal quirks as a crutch, she instead uses them to accentuate her delivery, turning what might ordinarily be cliched brags and weather-worn flexes into sparkling displays of her sharp-tongued wit and wordplay.

While the focus is on the hard, battle-tested rhymes that largely defined east coast rap of the era, Nicki also showed an awareness of and willingness to test out the waters of the uptempo pop-tinged hip-hop that would provide her some of the biggest hits of her career as well. “Envy” sounds like a proto-“Super Bass,” with an electro beat straight from the most demented portions of Afrika Bambaata’s oeuvre, while “Handstand” dabbles in the dancehall pop that she has sprinkled her own catalog with, sporting the singsong flow that she’s deployed on later tracks like “Pound The Alarm” and “Massive Attack.”

Meanwhile, “Can Anybody Hear Me” was the confessional track that informed the emotional evocation of “Dear Old Nicki” and “Pill N Potions.” Her takes on early trap anthems like T.I.’s “No Matter What” on “Still I Rise” demonstrated her ability to craft repeat-worthy, inspirational jams that were no doubt the exact sort of songs her hardcore fans cite as the ones that saved their lives and motivated their lifelong zeal.

Beam Me Up Scotty is Nicki Minaj at her most hungry, her most motivated, her wittiest, and her most sincere. While her albums — even Queen with all its lukewarm reception — display more polish and musical direction, Scotty is where Nicki Minaj found herself. With few expectations, but plenty to prove, Nicki drew out some of her most potent work, from the career-launching “Itty Bitty Piggy” to the virtuoso lyrical performances that proved she could hang with Lil Wayne, Drake, and even rap icon Busta Rhymes. Before she could boast that she was worthy of the title of Queen, Nicki first had to prove that she could cut the heads off any would-be rivals, craft crowd pleasers, and stand on her own as one of the most gifted rappers New York had to offer.

On Beam Me Up Scotty she did that, and began to pave the way for the recent resurgence of feminine energy in rap that has continued with artists like Tink, Asian Doll, Rico Nasty, and Nicki’s own heir apparent, Cardi B.

While she chases chart success, they have taken up the torch for women to prove they belong in hip-hop; if she can return to that level singular focus she displayed in 2009, maybe she can compete with them and even retake her throne with her next release. Beam Me Up is the blueprint that Nicki needs to get back to. Though it is structurally similar to her later works, where it differs is its raucous, hungry energy and its laser focus on proving Nicki worthy of the Queen title.

source https://uproxx.com/hiphop/nicki-minaj-beam-me-up-scotty-run-it-back/