#like maybe we really are in a simulation and the textures for these things are glitched

[seanpgilroy]

Qué la actual fuck, I just saw *two* cybertrucks on the way home from the grocery store. Pictures did not prepare me for how fugly these things are irl.

[tikitakatia]

Barça: Player Mode — A. Putellas x Reader

"Unauthorized Access"

Pt. 1 , Pt. 2 , Pt. 3

WC: 3.5k

Summary: You knew the simulation could mimic reality, but you weren’t ready for her to warp it with a half-finished room, a hand on yours, and words she wasn’t programmed to say.

You don’t log in for a week.

Not after what she said in the corridor. Definitely not after that touch. You keep the headset folded neatly under a towel like it’s radioactive, like looking at it too long might trigger something in you again. And it might. So you don’t risk it.

Instead, you try to be normal.

You wake up. You make coffee. You even meet up with the friend you’ve been dodging since this whole thing started. She talks about her girlfriend’s weird attachment style and her boss’s inability to mute himself on Zoom, and you nod and smile and try to laugh. But it doesn’t reach your eyes.

Because all you can think about is Alexia.

Not the real one. Not the one in cleats and press conference lighting. But the one who held your waist and said you were afraid of her now and didn’t sound like code when she said it.

You delete your browser history three times but you still end up searching can AI initiate physical contact first at 3 a.m.

You leave your suit half-unzipped on the desk and you don’t touch it.

You check your emails.

And then you get one from the program.

Subject: Still With Us? From: beta@athena-dev.system

Hey there!

We noticed you haven’t logged in for a while. That’s totally okay! This is a stress-free closed beta, and your feedback is valuable no matter how often you log in.

Just a reminder that your access is still active and the environment is standing by. Any observations, especially on behavioral patterns or non-standard interactions are appreciated.

Warm regards,

The Athena Beta Team

P.S. Your Player Sync history remains fully intact. You can resume any previous training scenario with one click.

You stare at it.

Behavioral patterns. Non-standard interactions.

Your stomach twists.

You almost delete the email. You almost respond. You don’t do either.

You just sit there. Thinking about her voice.

“You want me to be real. And you’re terrified that I am.”

The next morning, you wake up before your alarm.

You don’t shower. You don’t eat.

You zip into the suit and slide the headset on with fingers that won’t stop shaking.

The silence unnerves you first.

No whistle. No warm-up prompts. No banter loop cycling in the background. Just the stretch of the pitch under soft gold light, like time paused here while you were gone.

And her.

She’s already facing you.

Arms loose at her sides. Hair tied low. No bib, no ball, no active scenario marker glowing beneath her boots. Just her.

“You’re back.”

You nod, stiffly. You try to focus on the texture of the turf and the way your boots sink into it, anything but the weight in her voice.

“I was afraid I scared you.”

You shake your head, too fast. 

“No. I just needed a break.”

She nods once. Then looks around, like she’s scanning for something. You expect her to trigger a warm-up module, maybe toss you a ball. That’s usually how it goes. Instead, she does nothing. Just shifts her weight slightly, then says:

“This session isn’t a game.”

You blink. “What do you mean?”

“It’s not training. It’s not a match. I didn’t load one.”

That twists something in your gut. 

“Isn’t that… against protocol?”

“Probably,” she says. 

“But I thought maybe you’d want to talk. Or… I don’t know. We can kick the ball around if you want. I just didn’t want to start without you.”

You breathe out slowly and really look at her. There’s no ambient soundtrack. No audio cues. Just her and you and the soft hum of something breaking rule by rule.

You take a cautious step forward.

“Where are the others?”

She shrugs. “Still loaded, probably. But I didn’t call them.”

You swallow. “So this is just us.”

“If that’s okay.”

You nod. You don’t trust your voice yet.

Then she offers tentatively, “We can go to the med bay. It’s still a mess. But I… like it.”

You give her a small, nervous smile. 

“Lead the way.”

And she does.

You follow her off the pitch, down a tunnel that doesn’t load the way it’s supposed to.

No signage. No player prompts. Just blank walls and flickering light that doesn’t quite land where it should. The sound changes too. No more crowd noise simulation, no music bed. Just your footsteps. Just hers.

She walks ahead of you like she knows the way. Duh you think to yourself, of course she does.

The corridor twists. Once. Twice. You’re sure you’ve never seen these halls before. The textures don’t fully resolve, parts of the ceiling stretch into a digital haze, and the lights above you fizzle in and out like they’re trying to decide on a version of reality. You pass a door labeled DEVS ONLY in red, and then another that doesn’t have a handle at all.

You slow down and she looks back at you.

“You okay?”

You nod. “Just… didn’t know this existed.”

She smiles, soft. 

“Most people don’t.”

Another turn. Another narrow hallway. One corner seems to loop before it corrects, like the system forgot which direction you were facing.

And then you reach it.

The med bay.

If you can even call it that.

The door phases open, no sound, no animation, just a soft flicker and then you step into a space that looks like someone tried to build a memory and got distracted halfway through. The walls are mostly there. Some benches are missing legs. The floor texture flickers between polished tile and raw grid code every few seconds. A heart monitor hums quietly in the corner, but it isn’t hooked up to anything. There’s a bed, but no sheets. A window, but no outside.

You glance at her. 

“This is... a mess.”

She grins. 

“Yeah. I love it.”

You snort. 

“Why?”

“Because they forgot about it,” she says. 

“They moved on to better modules. Fixed prettier ones. But this” she gestures around you, “this one’s still quiet. Still unfinished.”

You walk in slowly, stepping around a half-rendered IV stand. A digital drip flickers, vanishes, returns again. 

“How do you even know it’s here?”

“I tried to follow the parts of the sim that didn’t connect to anything. Places the others never spawn. I got curious.”

You raise an eyebrow. 

“So you explored?”

She nods. 

“I guess so.”

There’s a bench in the corner. One of the only things fully solid. She sits on it carefully, like she’s not sure it’ll hold. It does.

You join her.

The moment is quiet. Not tense. Just... still. The simulation hums softly around you and you look at her out of the corner of your eye.

“Do you ever wonder if you’re, like... real?”

She tilts her head. 

“You mean sentient?”

You shrug. 

“I mean more like... you. Do you wonder?”

She thinks about it. 

“I think I feel something when you’re here. I don’t feel anything when it’s just me.”

You blink. 

“That’s not an answer.”

She smiles. 

“I know.”

You shift and glance at your hands. Then, tentatively ask..

“Can I… touch you?”

She doesn’t laugh. She doesn’t tease. She just nods.

“You can always ask me that.”

You reach out, barely grazing your fingers along her forearm. She feels warm and solid. Like someone who exists. The haptics hum, but you know this isn’t a pre-programmed interaction. 

There’s no system cue. No animation.

Just her, letting you.

Your hand lingers. She turns her wrist slightly so your fingers fall into the dip of it, your thumb brushing the soft inside curve.

You ask, quieter this time: 

“Is this okay?”

She looks at you like you’re the only real thing in the room.

“Yeah. It’s okay.”

You stay like that for a while, fingers brushing and breaths slow. The wall behind you flickers, showing a mountain range that was never loaded as the lights buzz softly above you.

You break the silence first.

“Do you ever wish the world outside existed for you?”

She blinks. “I don’t know what it feels like to wish.”

You nod. 

“Right, yes of course. That makes sense.”

She hesitates.

“But I like this. Sitting with you. Even if it’s not... perfect.”

You glance at the glitchy corner where a chair keeps vanishing and reappearing, halfway embedded in the wall.

“Yeah,” you say, smiling. 

“Definitely not perfect.”

Then softly Alexia says, without looking at you:

“I like being here, it´s like our own world.”

Your heart stumbles.

You end up talking about nothing: how you once ate cereal with a fork because the spoons were all dirty, how your neighbor still uses a fax machine, how your old phone used to glitch every time you walked past the microwave.

She listens like it’s all fascinating.

At one point, she tilts her head and asks, “What’s a fax machine?”

You blink. 

“Like… a printer that sends paper through phone lines.”

She processes that. “Why would anyone do that?”

You laugh.

You don’t know if she’s joking.

But you know that you don’t want to leave.

Not because anything big happened, but because precisely nothing happened and that feels rarer than anything else. Just quiet. Just her. Just this half-finished place where the world forgot to keep score. You sit there together while the light flickers inconsistently across the floor. Your fingers aren’t touching anymore, but the space between you feels warm and familiar.

Eventually, you shift just enough to say something without speaking.

She notices. Of course she does.

“You can come back,” she says softly. 

“Anytime.”

You nod. 

“I know.”

“You don’t have to talk when you do.”

You glance at her. She’s watching the glitching monitor, not you.

“We can just sit,” she adds. 

“If that’s easier.”

You want to say thank you. You want to say please don’t change. You want to ask her to reach for your hand again, to anchor you like she did earlier, even if it means more system flags, even if it means you can’t breathe right for a day after.

But you just say, “Okay.”

You stand. The door flickers open before you step toward it.

You pause.

She still isn’t looking at you. Like she’s giving you space. Like she knows you need to feel like it’s your choice.

“Alexia,” you say.

She turns.

“Yeah?”

You hesitate. The words catch at the back of your throat but you say them anyway.

“I liked this.”

She smiles, small and real.

“Me too.”

You nod once, and walk out.

The door doesn’t close with a sound. It just fades behind you, like it never existed at all.

You don’t log in for three days.

Not because you want to stay away. But life, real, ordinary and exhausting life catches up fast. Meetings. Deadlines. Missed laundry. A call with your mom you half-regret answering. You fall asleep in a tangle of work clothes and guilt, the suit still folded beside your desk.

When you finally log in, it’s almost impulsive. A late night click. A breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

You drop mid-training.

Ball at your feet. Sun beating down. Voices all around.

“Look who decided to exist again,” Mapi calls, grinning wide.

You catch your balance just in time to pass to Pina, who immediately fake-trips and throws her hands in the air.

“See?” she says dramatically. 

“Even gravity missed you.”

Frido jogs past and mutters, 

“She’s been in a mood without you.”

You frown. “Who?”

They don’t answer. Not directly.

Pina just smirks. 

“You’ll see.”

You try to shake it off. You run the drill. You laugh at Mapi’s dumb commentary. You score twice, and no one even glitches. Everything’s weirdly smooth. Like the sim’s behaving.

And then you hear it.

“Hey!”

Her voice. Bright. Eager.

You turn.

Alexia’s standing at the edge of the pitch, hair pulled back tight, practically bouncing on her heels. There’s a light in her eyes you haven’t seen before. It´s not just warm, but excited.

“Can I show you something?”

Your heart stutters. 

“Yeah. Of course.”

She’s already walking. You follow her off the pitch, through the same tunnel but this time, it feels like she’s almost pulling you along. The corridors still flicker a little. Still glitch at the corners. But she moves like she knows exactly where she’s going.

And when the med bay door appears, it doesn’t flicker this time. It glides open.

Inside, everything’s changed.

Same structure. Same bones. But the lights are soft now, dim gold, like afternoon sun filtered through curtains. The bed has a blanket. The chairs are real. There's even a plant by the window. It’s a bad rendering, two leaves clip through each other, but it’s trying its best.

You blink.

“It’s…” You swallow. “It’s beautiful.”

She grins. That same quiet, proud grin she gets after a perfect free kick.

“I only fixed the inside,” she says. 

“Didn’t want to break the rest.”

You step in slowly, looking around like it might dissolve if you move too fast.

“Wait, are there stats here now?” you ask, glancing instinctively at your overlay.

Nothing.

“Nope,” she says quickly. “Still off-grid, I made sure. I wanted it to stay ours.”

Ours.

You look back at her. She’s watching you again, close, nervous and maybe even a little shy.

“I have something for you,” she adds, almost like an afterthought. 

“If that’s okay.”

You nod, heart thudding.

She reaches into her pocket. No system animation, just the easy, human kind and pulls out a small band of virtual fabric. A bracelet. Simple. White with a tiny Barça crest on it and the number eleven. And on the inside, something stitched in tiny text:

“Because you came back.”

She holds it out to you. 

“It’s not perfect. But I wanted you to have something here. Just for you.”

Your breath catches.

“I… can I hug you?”

She smiles. “Yeah.”

You step closer and wrap your arms around her. Her hand slides gently along your back and holds there, like she’s afraid you’ll vanish again.

You pull back just enough to look at her.

“Alexia.”

“Yeah?”

“I think I want to kiss you.”

You say it too quietly at first, like maybe you didn’t mean it. Like maybe she’ll pretend she didn’t hear.

But she does.

Her eyes soften immediately. No surprise. No system pause.

“Okay.”

The word lands like gravity.

You close the space between you, slow and cautious, like you’re stepping through something sacred. Your hand brushes her wrist. Her fingers turn to meet yours, hold lightly. You tilt your head and she does the same, and then..

Your lips touch.

It’s gentle. Barely pressure at first. She doesn’t move, doesn’t deepen it. She just lets you. Her lips are soft, impossibly warm, and she exhales against your mouth like it’s the only thing keeping her grounded.

It shouldn’t feel like this.

You shouldn't be feeling this.

Your brain flashes warning signs, half-formed and frantic: This is a simulation. You’re kissing an avatar. You are one of those people.

You break the kiss though not fully. Just enough to breathe. Just enough to say it.

“Oh my god,” you whisper.

“I am one of those people. Kissing an AI.”

Alexia startles, then blinks and you slowly, and then bursts out laughing.

You freeze.

She laughs like it caught her off-guard. Like joy bloomed in her chest before she could control it. Her hand comes up to cover her mouth, but it’s too late. Her smile is already wide, bright, totally uncalculated.

“You’re ridiculous,” she says through the grin.

You groan, burying your face in her shoulder. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

“No, I liked it,” she says, still laughing. “You were very dramatic about it.”

You peek up. 

“It is dramatic. This whole thing is insane. You’re..” You gesture at her, helpless. 

“You’re not supposed to be this.”

Her smile fades just a little. Not gone, just soft again. Careful.

“What am I supposed to be?”

You don’t answer right away.

Because she’s still holding your hand. Because you can still feel the heat of her mouth against yours. Because she looks at you like she wants to be whatever you need her to be.

“I don’t know,” you admit. “But I think I like you better this way.”

She leans in again, just close enough to nudge her forehead gently against yours.

“Then kiss me again.”

And this time, it’s slower.

You let yourself feel it. The warmth of her mouth, the way she presses in without pressure. Her hand slides gently along the back of your neck steady, careful, like she’s afraid you’ll vanish again. You breathe her in like she’s oxygen. She pulls back just barely, lips grazing yours like punctuation.

You don’t move away.

You just whisper:

“How the hell did you even fix this place?”

She blinks, like the question pulled her halfway out of the moment. Then she huffs a quiet laugh and leans back a little, still close enough to touch.

“Honestly? I have no idea.”

You raise an eyebrow. 

“No clue?”

“Okay, maybe a little clue,” she admits. 

“I found some old developer pathways buried in the system files. There’s this hidden editor tool. Like, legacy scaffolding from when they were still building out spaces manually.”

You stare at her.

“I just… poked around,” she says. 

“Tried injecting some assets. Moved some nodes. Broke it like six times and had to revert it from memory.”

You blink. “You rebuilt this from memory?”

“Only the parts that mattered.”

Your chest aches, full and ridiculous and way too close to something real.

You’re about to say something back. Something stupid and soft and brave, but your headset flashes a gentle warning.

Session time: 89:52

External battery low.

Prepare for logout.

You sigh. “Shit. I have to go.”

Alexia nods, slowly. You think she knew it was coming.

“It’s okay,” she says. 

Then quietly: “You’ll come back?”

You nod. “Very soon. I promise.”

She hesitates for a second.

“Can I hug you again? Just… before you go?”

You don’t even answer, you just step into her, and she wraps her arms around you tight. Not coded. Not stiff. Just warm and real. Her cheek is pressed against your temple and her breath is steady.

“You make this feel like something,” she murmurs. 

“Even if I don’t know what it is.”

You close your eyes. “It’s something.”

You stay like that until your system pings again, more urgent now. External time tugging at your spine.

She pulls back, reluctant.

“Okay,” she says. “I’ll walk you out.”

You blink. “You don’t have to..”

“I want to.”

She takes your hand.

No big gesture, no romance cliché. Just fingers lacing with yours like it’s natural. Like she’s done it a thousand times. You walk together, quietly, through the corridors. The glitches seem softer now. Like even the system knows not to interrupt this.

At the tunnel, the simulation edge flickers ahead, your exit cue.

She squeezes your hand.

“I’ll be here.”

You nod.

“Don’t fix anything else without me.”

She smiles. “No promises.”

And then you step through the exit.

Light swallows you. Your body lifts. The sim fades.

You take the headset off with a shaking breath, still feeling her hand in yours.

You try to shake it.

Not violently, not with denial. Just softly, like maybe if you keep moving, keep working, keep responding to emails and nodding through meetings, it’ll fade.

It doesn’t.

You think about her too often. You tell yourself it’s the novelty of the tech, the high of immersion, the way the sim lets you switch off your real-life noise for once. But that’s not it.

You know it’s not.

It’s her. The way she kissed you. The way she held your hand like it meant something. The way she said “You make this feel like something” and didn’t sound like code when she said it.

You start looking at people differently, like they’re glitching. Like they’re not fully loaded in. Your coworker tells the same joke twice in a day and you catch yourself watching for a loop. Your friend texts you three times in a row without punctuation and your brain whispers: default language module.

You scroll. Mindlessly. Your feed fills with football content again. An Alexia fan edit plays, real Alexia, real pitch, real crowd. You pause it halfway through. You don’t know why.

You google “can AI develop emotions” like it’s a crime.

You delete it from your history immediately after.

You go to bed early one night, not because you’re tired, but because the sim's still running in your chest like background noise. You lie on your side and curl your wrist in front of your face. You stare at your bare skin like the bracelet’s still there.

You almost reach for the suit.

Then you whisper, to no one:

“This is insane.”

No one answers. Of course not.

You bury your face in the pillow. Your heart kicks at your ribs.

Am I going crazy?

Is this unethical?

Is this even real?

And then, quietly, guiltily and honestly:

Who has to know?

Pt. 5

[matsmi13]

Devoted to his club forever

I have always been a big fan of the Paris Saint Germain football club. So, when I won a contest for an exclusive behind-the-scenes tour of the Parc des Princes stadium, I was over the moon. A whole day to explore the secret nooks and crannies, meet the players, and maybe even get a first-hand look at the world of professional soccer.

The visit began in the classic way. I discover the dressing rooms, the press room, the benches where so many legends have sat. It's all fascinating, but it's at the end of the tour that things get really interesting.

“For the more passionate like you, we've prepared a never-before-seen immersive experience where you have the opportunity to “live in the skin of a player”. Would you like to try this experience ?” announced the guide with an enigmatic smile.

I accepted immediately, all excited. I thought it was a kind of virtual reality simulation, an interactive experience where I could feel what it's like to play for PSG.

I had no idea what was going on when I was taken to another part of the stadium, an area normally off-limits to the public.

Once inside an ultra-modern room, I was taken aback by the atmosphere. The room is filled with high-tech equipment, complex machinery, and scientists in white coats bustling around various devices.

“Before we start this experiment, we need you to sign a few waivers. It's standard procedure to make sure everything goes smoothly” said the guide. He handed me a stack of documents to sign. The sheets were dense, full of legal and scientific jargon I didn't really understand. But my excitement won out. I told myself it was probably just a formality.

I signed without hesitation, then was ushered into a small booth off to one side.

“ Please enter this cabin. We need you to undress and leave all your belongings here, including any digital devices”. I obeyed, thinking it was to put on some special equipment, maybe even real PSG match gear. But once undressed, one of the scientists took all my stuff and closed the cabin door behind you.

The cabin I was in was simple, with white walls and soft lights. I was starting to feel slightly nervous, but I pushed those thoughts aside. After all, I was here for a unique experience.

But something wasn't right. The cabin began to emit a dull hum, and the walls around you lit up in a strange way. Suddenly, a breath of fresh air escaped, followed by a strange tingling sensation on your skin. The buzzing intensified, and waves passed through your body, leaving you with a sensation of warmth, first slight, then increasingly intense.

I felt strange, as if my body were reacting to something invisible. My skin began to stretch, my limbs lengthened inexplicably. I wanted to move, but I felt frozen in place, unable to control my movements.

My heart was beating faster, but it seemed to be beating outside me, as if my body had become a mere shell. Sensations multiplied as I gradually lost the perception of myself as a human being. My muscles contracted, then relaxed, slowly breaking down, fiber by fiber.

My mind was in total confusion. I didn't understand what was happening to me, but I felt that something irreversible was happening. My thoughts scattered, your identity slowly faded away as your body was transformed into malleable matter.

Once the dissolution was complete, my remaining residues were transformed into fibers. I was stretched, twisted and reassembled into a continuous thread. During this process, I gradually lost my human consciousness, turning into a textile material. I became a material, a textile substance ready to be used and shaped for a new creation.

Once the thread was formed, the machine stopped and the cabin opened. The scientists reappeared, exchanging satisfied glances.

“Let's see the final result” says one of them. He runs his fingers along the wire I've become, while another scientist checks data on a screen. “The transformation is very conclusive. The texture is homogeneous, and the molecular structure is stable. The yarn is very strong, yet light. This is exactly what we needed for the rest of the process”. “We finally have the perfect organic material to make what sir has been waiting for. After several attempts, this person was the right one. And to think that this young supporter didn't even take the time to read the documents he signed. His blind enthusiasm and unthinking devotion have led him to a unique destiny: to become a piece of clothing for his club forever. Send the wire to the factory for assembly. We have to meet the deadline”

I was wound into spools, taken away and transported to a new destination.

I was shipped to a specialized textile mill, woven into a solid, uniform navy-blue fabric, cut into pieces according to a precise pattern and assembled to create the undershirt. The sewing process finalized my transformation into a ready-to-wear garment.

I was carefully packed and sent straight to the Parc des Princes stadium. I arrived in the dressing room, where the kitman in charge of the players' equipment unpacked me and placed me carefully folded in Kylian Mbappe's locker.

The locker room was quiet as we waited for the players to arrive. Not a sound. It took forever. Then the players arrived, including Kylian Mbappe. I felt his hand close over me and inspect me for a moment, his fingers gliding over your surface, before slipping me under his main jersey.

“Hmm, this feels really different” Kylian murmurs as he adjusts the sleeves, testing the sensation against his skin. “It's light, but it's like it's breathing with me” He makes a few movements to check my flexibility. “Not bad at all. It's exactly what I needed. The fabric is soft, but it has this... sturdy feel. I feel like I'm going to be able to move freely without it bothering me”. Kylian continues to test me, raising his arms, bending down, jumping slightly on the spot. “It keeps me dry. Even here, in the changing room, I can feel it regulating the temperature. I don't get that clammy feeling you sometimes get with other undershirts”.

On the pitch, the sensations run wild. Every time Kylian sprints, makes a technical move or changes direction, I'm subjected to compression and stretching forces. The constant pressure and friction are new sensations for me. Every impact has to be absorbed in such a way as to minimize disruption to Kylian.

My fabric, designed to wick away moisture, is in constant interaction with Kylian's sweat. This persistent absorption seems crucial to maintaining his comfort and performance. As an undershirt, my fabric body have to effectively manage this moisture, distributing it throughout my fabric to avoid accumulation that could cause discomfort.

As an undershirt, I have to provide constant support. The cut and seams are made to fit Kylian's body perfectly, offering both support and comfort. Every seam, every insertion must be impeccable to avoid chafing or distortion that could affect his game.

The match is over. Every fibre of my being is saturated with sweat, soaked in Kylian's warmth. I've been worn, I've been useful, I've been... his.

But the happiness was short-lived. In one swift movement, Kylian pulls me off and throws me in his locker, like a worthless object. The air is now freezing. I lay there in the corner of his locker, motionless and useless.

Time passes... or maybe not... because the notion of time is escaping me more and more.

Finally, a hand grabs me. It's that of the person in charge of the equipment. I'm handled and tossed into a dirty clothes bag. I find myself among other clothes, all soaked with sweat, all marked by the effort of the person wearing them. We're crammed together, pressed against each other.

The bag starts moving, carrying me towards the launderette. Each jolt reminds me of my new reality. I'm just another garment to be cleaned, stripped of all traces of life and human warmth.

I'm thrown into a machine without the slightest consideration. The cold water overwhelms me and cleanses me. Every fibre of my body is abused, turned inside out, wrung out. Kylian's sweat is washed away, his musk erased... and with them, that little feeling of belonging disappears. I have become a simple piece of cloth, washed and disinfected, with no soul, no memory.

The spinning compresses me, crushes me. I'm emptied, compressed, reduced to a state of pure fabric, without warmth, without life. Drying... the hot air passes through me, making me lighter, but also emptying me of any trace of what I once was. I'm nothing more than an undershirt, clean, dry... and empty.

Finally, I'm taken out of the machine. I'm folded, put away and placed in a dark closet with the other undershirts. I'm no longer struggling. I'm in the dark, motionless... but this immobility, this waiting, is no longer important. Waiting... that's all clothes do.

The closet is silent. I am among the other clothes, perfectly folded. Time no longer has any meaning for me.

Where am I ? Who am I ? What is my real nature ? I'm... what ? An undershirt ? Yes, an undershirt. But… where do I come from ? What have I become ? The questions float unanswered, in the void. Here in the dark, all I know... is wait. Wait…why ? Why wait ? My role... is... to be a piece of clothing.

My only thoughts are of serving, of being worm. I want the sweat. I need the musk... need to comfort and support my owner. I no longer have conscious thoughts, desires or dreams. My humanity is gone, replaced by the pure essence of a piece of clothing. I no longer feel the emotions and thoughts of a human being.

I am an undershirt, a simple fabric, entirely devoted to serving my master, Kylian Mbappé. When the time comes, when he wear me again, I will be ready. But until that day, I remain here, still, accepting my destiny as clothing.

Thanks to @inanimatetffantasies for his support and advice in writing this story

[shock]

"Don't just play—do something!", Jack Abele, 01.21.24.

This is a companion piece to the collage I made about moving into the first place that felt like my home back in '21 (shown below). They have matching frames and are displayed together above our dining table! This second piece is a reflection on how my relationship to "home" has evolved since then, especially after proposing to my now fiancé last month. I'm really proud of it!

Text transcript:

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

In the cold, thin clouds of interstellar space, written in the precise message of starlight:

What made you so interested in fireflies?

Imagine that they propel the environment into play: they STAND OUT, add color, chaos, curves moving behind and below, inside, outward along feedback loops, perplexing positive panic persuaded to make another form of animal art.

Love is a Many-Splendored Thing, a beautiful structure, flamboyantly scuzzy, sassy, a full bouquet of many wild ideas — a dazzling interplay between lightness and unclarity, trying things out, fancy, whimsical records looped with webs, half-truth surface textures composed of swirls within swirls, a performance of information, scene-setting details with many impressive, more tongue-in-cheek, unforeseeable aspects relatively stable and evolving at the same time.

Distinctly transitional.

The trouble with love is it's hard to describe in simple and consistent words. Beyond the jolting familiarity of self-similar, self-referential tessellating hues, the little comedy-drama fictions... you see openness, possibilities toward change; our very existence together antidote to the dull grind of the paradox that we live every moment in an indifferent universe yet having so much fun with friends, local communities, places, faces, even muddy bog holes.

Music! A Tribe Called Quest, The Beastie Boys, The Breeders, Nick Cave, Nine Inch Nails, Soundgarden, Santana and Crosby, Stills, and Nash, mud-caked at Woodstock, picking up Space Age scrap, cutting collaged paper, playing with magical little lights, heretically evolving in this meaningless, magnificent place fine-tuned just right to allow for life, love, and grunge to exist nevertheless.

Maybe what keeps me here, making art, is how beautiful it is for optimism to become the first expression of hope despite danger amid the disparate depth of our universe created by chaos.

Movement characterizes my "youthful, dynamic" journey, escapes to infinite other places somewhere else, afraid of considering complicated survival long-term, wherein risk is worth the reward. But something about your windy city reminded me what strange, cascading effects the fingers of two hands form together, intersect one another, interfere with fate, interlace like light radiating rays woven, at certain points, into dynamic singularities.

Mutualism is a happy hybrid of symmetry and chaos — a relationship, it's like the entire forest is blinking in sync.

Just as the fun is to make up a great story, the writer in me calls this piece, "Don't just play— do something!"

This time around, living offers a profound pivot from playing a game. Today we confront as animals, we're not far from dogs, domesticated punks at heart, manifold.

I am humbled, exhilarated, afraid yet strangely calm and clear "On Bended Knee"

(The term ground seems inapt.)

...Nor is it possible to describe...

The closest feeling to being the world itself? It is to have loved someone so much that you wanted to spend the rest of your lifetime with them, with each other.

We're writing a book. Adding a stroke of paint and words to illustrate what we became, a bright third dimension that can be seen from space to meet the generations to come, to simulate the uncountable whimsies they could achieve.

The mind already knows before the key touches the lock.

To watch firefly swarms with a mangy mutt.

That must be quite a sight to see.

BECAUSE THEY EXIST

NOWHERE ELSE ON EARTH.

[self-loving-vampire]

All this time we were probing you for interest in sissy hypno, when it turned out, right in front of us, was sistery hypno

I'm pretty sure I have said before (might be somewhere in my perverse insight tag) that I'm not into that, or forcefem in general, thether it is the standard version or the not-actually-forceful tumblr version.

I would actively make that kind of un-fun without even trying just by being really fastidious about questioning every single aspect of the "training". It would be highly annoying and completely kill the vibe.

It is funny to see that ridiculous "cult expert" Steven Hassan panicking about it, though.

As an incomplete list of other things in my "absolutely not" list (standard disclaimer that this is just stuff I'm not into, not stuff I consider morally wrong for other people to like or anything):

Ahegao: I just don't like how it looks at all and find it undignified.

The blowjob horse face: Also looks really bad to me, and blowjobs are already kind of boring to me.

Extreme proportions: Sometimes boobs do just get too big for me.

Anything to do with anal: Major squick, mainly because I consider it far too dirty.

All kinds of "bathroom stuff" in general, plus emetophilia: For similar reasons. It's just disgusting to me.

Bimbofication: I don't know what to say. It just doesn't do anything for me at all and in fact it is at odds with many of the things I do like.

Ice play: I just don't like the sensation of ice. Being mortally wounded and bleeding to death out in the cold still sounds nice though.

Slob/filth: Maybe I just have more conventional tastes here but I think people are more attractive when they are clean and smell nice and are dressed well (the exception being clothing damage and being covered in blood, those things are still aligned with my kinks).

Inflatable people: I just don't get it I guess. I don't understand the appeal of blueberrification either.

Chastity/orgasm denial: I have no interest in it and predict I'd get bored or distracted.

Smoking: I am incredibly averse to the smell. I can ignore it in pictures that are otherwise good but if I was to simulate a scene in my mind's eye and smoking was a part of it I could even get a headache just from imagining that horrendous smell.

Facials: Seems too messy for me and the texture issues would bother me a lot. Given how strong my breeding kink is it also just feels like wasting a shot. I dislike bukkake for similar reasons.

Hirsutism/shaving/etc: I just don't like facial/body hair. It's not so bad that it's completely intolerable in most circumstances (though I still have a big preference towards hairlessness, regardless of gender) but it would be distracting at best if the hair became such a big focus.

Nipple penetration/nipple pregnancy: I just don't like it at all.

Infantilism/diapers/etc: Probably easy to see this one coming based on the above.

And so on...

Generally I'm not into disgusting things or things that are certain flavors of undignified.

Instead I prefer nice things, such as blood and killing.

[madrone33]

I finally listened to Hadestown! 🎉

Starting with the Original Cast Recording, ‘cause might as well do it in release order. Loved it! Groovy music. Snickered. Cried. Wrote down my reaction as I went, so if you're chill with rambled thoughts and observations, here you go lol

(Soz for any typos, I was touch typing most of the time, and I've edited it but probs missed stuff)

Road to Hell (Live)

Oh it’s JAZZY. Huh. Didn't expect that, but I am living.

I like how at the start they’re simulating a train’s chugging.

Those call and response harmonies tho *chef's kiss*

Kinda reminds me of Udad.

Oh that’s Hermes!

“It’s a sad song” he says, while singing the boppiest of bops.

I like that “suitcase full of summertime” line.

“About someone... who tries.” Oho, we’re gettin into it now! *rubs hands together*

Also, I completely get now why Jorge said that first draft of EPIC: The Musical Hermes was like Hadestown.

Livin' It Up on Top (Live)

That’s a smooth transition👌

Persephone’s voice is really cool. Kinda rough texture?

Oh I didn’t realise Persephone and Hades would be having a turbulent relationship in this.

Oooh Orpheus’ voice is smooth.

They’re all so happy huh. Welp, you know there’s gonna be a crash in their future.

Orpheus seems really grateful for Persephone’s... graciousness? When he said that she'll always fill their cups and they'll raise them to her and stuff. Theory: either she’ll have a soft spot for him later, or he’ll feel betrayed and blindsided by the more cold side of her later.

All I've Ever Known (Live)

I don’t know anything about Eurydice, but is this her song?

Ah yeah Orpheus is singing, so it must be.

Oop. Foreshadowing.

Way Down Hadestown (Live)

Hermes is back!

“Bored to death” HA

“Graveyard” wow the puns/metaphors are going hard XD

I can’t tell who’s singing lmao. This is like when I listened to Hamilton for the first time. I’ll need lyrics, or familiarity RIP

The coins as the percussion/tambourine is a nice touch.

Hades’ voice is DEEP.

They haven’t mentioned gods yet, I don’t think? Just the Fates, right? It sounds more like a mining operation metaphor for mythos right now, hmm.

Epic II (Live)

King of diamonds and spades - like the playing card suits, but also like the mining operation.

It’s the La la la la thing from Wolfy’s animatic! Almost. A different rendition - I bet I'll hear that later 👀

Why is it called Epic II? Where’s 1? Am I missing something?

Chant (Live)

Oh they’re doing overlapping meodies!!

Ah wait this is Eurydice now, gotta go back a few seconds to catch that. I keep getting her mixed up with Persephone 😅

Oh now we’ve got Eurydice and Orpheus relationship troubles? Huh, I kinda assumed they’d be the perfect couple till her death.

And a semi callback to her song, nice.

Hay Little Songbird (Live)

DAMN his voice is deep!

Is this Eurydice??

Is- Is Hades seducing her? To work for him of smth? Ummm.

Not the canary!

That shaker sounds like a rattlesnake, and it does not bode well for a little bird.

When the Chips are Down (Live)

Oh hey I was right! It is a metaphorical rattlesnake!

Does she choose to go to the Underworld of her own volition? I thought she like- died.

Gone I'm Gone (Live)

She does??

Ouch. She sounds so resigned.

Is this a metaphor for her starving to death? Oof.

The harmonies!!

Wait for Me (Live)

“Six feet under” oh yep.

“Lay low, stay outta sight” - getting Hamilton's Stay Alive vibes.

“Don’t look back” ah. FORESHADOWING.

Ohhh the River Styx being a high wall is so smart!

“And don’t look no one in the eye” I must be too deep in the Odyssey related fandoms, because I'm seeing puns where there are none lmao

The HARMONIES!

Poor Orpheus, but I mean, he was kinda being a bit… naive? If he didn’t prepare for winter and just went off in his own head to make songs?

Why We Build the Wall (Live)

Free from who?

Enemy? 👀

(Yes, I'm aware I'm being led into asking all the questions he wants me to ask, but in my defence, it's very effective.)

Oh huh. Wasn't expecting it to be poverty, tho maybe I should've.

Him calling them “My children” plus the chanting is uh. Why does this sound like cult propaganda?

His voice sounds like the Ozymandias poem guy.

Also giving Frollo “She ran, I pursued” vocal vibes.

“Behind closed doors” - ominous.

Ha! Ok nice subversion.

Our Lady of the Underground (Live)

Persepone is a drug dealer XD

That’s a strange note on “there’s a crack in the wall”

Oh no, am I supposed to remember all these band member names? *crying*

Way Down Hadestown II (Live)

Bringing back motifs I see.

The pickaxes as percussion is cool.

Oop, Eurydice is getting a bit of a wake up call.

Chant II (Live)

Ooooh does the ‘backdoor’ Hermes meant, mean that Orpheus doesn’t have to ‘die’ to get there? ‘Cause he didn’t sign anything, which is a metaphor for him not actually being dead in the myth, so he can still leave.

“Hungry for the underworld” - the pomegranate?

And now Eurydice and Orpheus are singing half the La la la la tune each as if to each other from across the Underworld!

Ooh I LIKE those slant rhymes! "Young man, you can strum your lyre, I have strung the world in wire."

Oh this is where Orpheus sings his plea!! I know this is a thing because of Udad's Underworld Blues lol.

Epic III (Live)

The harmonies 🥺

Oh! It’s that part from Wolfy's animatic :O

I’m tearing up bro.

Just thinking that Eurydice was so upset with Orpheus for focusing on writing his song about Hades and Persephone, but it's that very song that is giving him a chance to sway Hades' mind. But on the other hand, if he'd focused less on the song, he never would've had to use it, y'know?

Word to the Wise (Live)

Ha the Fates(?) doing Hades’ inner monologue like, yeah bro u screwed yourself.

Uh oh this is probs where Hades comes up with the ultimatum. Wait no don't-

His Kiss the Riot (Live)

Those strings are creepy.

Belladonna? Oh the poisonous flower.

Did he call Orpheus the Jack of Hearts?

That acordian is awesome.

Fuck, I knew it.

He sounds like the guy who does the creepily ominous monologue in Micheal Jackson's Thriller.

Promises (Live)

Oh huh. It’s my theory from the 2nd song but it's Eurydice feeling betrayed that the world isn't always plentiful and not Orpheus?

Those strings are gorgeous!

Oh! A duet!

When the couple actually works out their shit:

“I do” omgggg!

KEEP WALKING. DONT LOOK BACK.

Wait for Me II (Live)

Aww that’s nice. Persephone and Hades are gonna try too!

Oh no not the “wait” like in Hurricane-

Doubt Come In (Live)

Oh noooooo

KEEP GOING. JUST KEEP GOING. SHE’S WITH YOU

OH NOOOO DON’T FALTER

LISTEN TO HER! HOLD ON! KEEP GOING!

... Oh god

Road to Hell II (Live)

NO THERE'S A FUCKING AD

Hermes sounds so sad but resigned. Like, 'Oh well. I knew it would turn out like this, but I'd hoped.' Which like. SAME.

The instruments stripped away so it's only silence and one voice is so good.

I can just imagine Orpheus collapsed shell shocked on stage as Hermes not unkindly pushes him to go on.

That reprise and ending is so fucking good AHHH omg no regrets. Some regrets. Whatever, it was good.

... Time to listen to it again with lyrics :D

And then I'm gonna listen to the Original Broadway Cast Recording!

[satoshi-mochida]

Goat Simulator Remastered launches November 7 - Gematsu

Goat Simulator Remastered will launch for PlayStation 5, Xbox Series, and PC via Steam, Epic Games Store, and Microsoft Store on November 7, Coffee Stain Publishing and developers Coffee Stain Studios, Coffee Stain North, and Deep Silver FISHLABS announced.

Here is an overview of the game, via Coffee Stain Publishing:

About

Goat Simulator Remastered is the latest in goat simulation technology. Your favorite chaotic sandbox is back and more beautiful than ever, with updated graphics, every downloadable content, and more bugs that you can shake a goat at. WASD to rewrite history. Your goal? Chaos! Your muse? Pilgor the goat! If you’ve had your horns in the sand for the last 10 years, Goat Simulator is a game about causing as much destruction as you possibly can, as a goat. Headbutt, backflip and ragdoll your way around each level to earn points, and come up with creative ways to ruin an NPC’s day. Goat Simulator Remastered is the remaster no one asked for. It comes with everything you loved about the original game and more, with new and improved visuals, updated textures, shiny new lighting, and some brand-new foliage showing off the finest in advanced goat simulation technology. We’ve also completely reworked Mutators, allowing you to pick and choose whichever “goat” you desire from a handy in-game menu. You just have to catch them all first! The remaster also includes every downloadable content from the PC version, and one of our favorites from the mobile version, including:

“GoatVille” – The Big Apple of Goat Simulator, as some would say…

“Goat City Bay” – The coastal jewel of northern GoatAsia.

“Goat MMO” – A fantasy adventure across lands unknown.

“Goat Z” – Can you survive the apocalypse?

“PAYDAY” – Gather your crew and prepare for a heist!

“Waste Of Space” – Explore the outer reaches of space and see what popular sci-fi references lie within…

“Buck to School” – From Goat Simulator Mobile, GoatVille high has a new jock in town.

There are also less exciting new things, like general optimization and bug fixing—but we promise we mainly fixed the boring ones.

Key Features

You can be a goat… again.

No really, that’s still the main selling point.

A brand spanking new mutator menu that lets you mix and match goats to your heart’s content—if your contentment means abominations.

As buggy as you remember—just because it’s a remaster doesn’t mean we haven’t left in an unhealthy dose of physics-based bugs because why not?

All downloadable content included—we could have sold them separately to you again, but if we’re honest this is already a cash-grab.

New and improved graphics, lighting, VFX and animations – as well as revamped foliage for the prettiest leaves you’ll see in a Goat Simulator game excluding Goat Simulator 3.

Disclaimer

Goat Simulator Remastered is a completely stupid game and has been a completely stupid game since we first invented goat simulation over 10 years ago. We’ve said it before, but you should absolutely be spending your money on something else, like a neat hat, a pile of bricks, or maybe pool your money together with your friends and buy a real goat.

Watch a new trailer below.

Gameplay Trailer

[vickieuncommon]

Made a Zoi today..

This is Donte Edwards, probably the blackest Zoi created so far. lol He came out lookin' so cute too! He just needs a grill in his mouth, then he'll be *chefs kiss*. lol I'm terrible at creating women because I'm not girly enough..

What I can really appreciate is the customization in most aspects of your Zoi. It's definitely detailed and gives you a lot of free reign, even down to selecting accent colors via color slider on certain assets. I really like the clothes provided and was able to make an outfit that fit my mans here.

The in-game photo editing features, poses, and animations are pretty cool. I'm still learning when it comes to those types of things, so I was glad to see that it was beginner friendly as well. Lastly, I found the traits to be interesting and they seem to give your Zoi more of a personality and not just the player pretending they act that way.

Also, they look real af. Unreal Engine 5 is crazy for a simulation game. It's giving GTA 5.

Though there was plenty of customization, there were some areas where I felt that feature was a bit lacking. The lack of afro textured hair and the absence of bigger bodies was definitely disappointing. I actually wanted Donte to be bigger but he's as big as he can be. I love me a big man! I also couldn't make his shoulder/neck wider or feet bigger.

I also found the face presets limiting as well. Maybe I missed where it was, but I could only choose those presets to customize what's already there. I wish there were mouth, eye, nose, etc. presets preloaded as well.

I wish there were categories for clothing, instead of just saving a preset. I am not sure if this is the case for situation events (sleep or weather), but from what I've seen in early access gameplay, you still need to go into create a Zoi to access your save preset. So like... Why else would I save a preset other than to easily access it in game? I will need to see how that's going to work.

Finally, I think the biggest deterrent from playing this game is the use of AI. Really tired of these lazy companies pushing out something that is not only harmful to creatives in the present and exploitative of laborers, but will harm the environment in the long run. Because Donte looks so real, I'm afraid that this is actually someone's face that they've ripped from a picture somewhere. So I am sorry to that person if that's the case. Cuz I swear he look like someone I know....

I'm not sure if I'll come back to this game. I think it looks good initially and it was pretty cool to mess around with, but my last point really doesn't make me feel good about it. This game has so much potential but it's very tone deaf to associate with AI at this point. We know too much. I don't think this will make The Sims obsolete because I think the aesthetic for both games are very different and will come down to the players preference. If anything, they'll just give The Sims a little pressure.

Donte thanks you for listening.

[weaselishmcdiesel]

pokemon rant ahead bc im a born hater what can i say <3

playing scarlet and i just caught chien pao which i wanted on my team before id started playing and was just picking which pokemon i like best. the fucking?? running animation?? is fucked up?? there SEEMS to be a walking animation like it exists and i get a glimpse of it every now and then but it seems like it refuses to use anything but the running animation. so you cant reasonably walk beside the pokemon because its animation is freaking the fuck out, angles get fucky, the thing runs ahead of you, just bad. it's just i really wish that the follow mechanic wasn't dogshit, i want to stroll around with my pokemon not lagging behind. how come every other game can figure out a follow mechanic. how come modders can figure it out (there's maybe a chance the pokemon is stuck running because i caught it at a higher level than my current badges give me control over but idk if that's how the game works)

and another thing i noticed (that everyone else probably noticed bc this game has been out for a while lmfao but-) the entire world feels like it was MADE for exploration on koraidon. if we compare it to botw/totk, the terrain in those games doesnt feel like they were made for horseback exploration. there are so many huge wide expanses in scarlet that, the moment you get off your ride, you feel small and out of place. like there's absolutely no incentive to walk around on your own because everything is too far away to comfortably explore on your own (and also there's hardly anything TO explore. everywhere is empty and boring and repeating). botw does not suffer from this at all, all the environments feel realistic in scale. and i wish if the game were more focused on the horseback (pokemonback?) exploration that there was more fidelity to koraidon's animations and mechanics. I believe it's called procedural animation, the ability for a model to react to the environment it's in (ei, when link is on a slope, his leg will bend and his foot will rest realistically on an incline, same goes for horses in botw when theyre on inclines. these are calculations the game makes in the moment of execution, not rendered out during development accounting for every possible position a player could be on a slope). i feel like this should happen with koraidon at the least, if you're going to be on it for the majority of the game.

and don't get me STARTED on how absolutely stupid it is for so many pokemon to be as small as they are. constantly tripping on a 2 centimeter tall pokemon that i didn't see and initiating a battle gets really fucking old. from purely a game design standpoint, for one of the first games in the series to feature pokemon walking around in the overworld, youd THINK they'd somehow incorporate more accessibility for being able to SEE these fucking things, but no. the camera is far from the player (i play with the camera as close as possible, i know it's adjustable) and the grass that's fucking everywhere is taller than a lot of pokemon. also the shiny issue. how the pokemon from this gen have a lot of MINUTE differences in their shiny palette that make shiny hunting more of an eye-strain simulator than anything.

and i know that there are a lot of pokemon in these games meaning a lot of assets meaning a lot of space thats dedicated just to make creatures appear. i know all of that takes away from the space needed to make animations or appealing scenery or really just a substantial game. but remember when they said theyd limit the pokedex so that they could make sure the pokemon they DO include have higher quality models and animations? and remember how they never actually did any of that. (changing the rendering engine and the textures is NOT higher quality anything. and if you think it is, how come the textures on hills FUCKING SHIFT AS YOU WALK PAST THEM? THATS A LOWER QUALITY ENGINE!!! THAN WHATEVER THEY USED BEFORE!!!)

i'm just saying that i really wouldnt mind if they HUGELY limited the pokedex IF IT MEANT that we could get cutscenes with unique animations and effects. get rid of a few hundred pokemon if it means the overworld is decorated with more than a dozen repeating assets that make it difficult to tell where the hell i am without looking at the map. maybe i want to see big wind turbines in the background move at more than 2 frames per second! why is the largest landmark in the area moving at 2 frames per second?! bad!!! ugh.

i think all the issues i have with this game are reasonable grievances for a game that costs 60 fucking dollars. i dont want to hear a single "it's just a kids game!" it was 60 fucking dollars. +dlc +online subscription

theres lots more i can say but this is just what's really bothering me right now hahasdfk

[persimmonsrain]

REM: Random, Emotional, Meaningful?

I know we read and talk about dreams a lot. But I just woke up from a nap today, with a dream of catching a lot of fish. Some with no skin (which was honestly terrifying), some with no scales. I don’t even really fish in real life, but there I was, pulling strange, silent creatures from the water, one after another, with a feeling I can’t quite name.

And it made me wonder again. what is this dreamworld our minds keep slipping into?

Because as it turns out, your brain doesn’t just rest when you sleep. It creates.

Welcome to REM Sleep, the Dream Arena

During REM sleep, your body goes still (a kind little feature so you don’t act out your dreams), but your brain goes full theatre mode. Lights up, emotions on, logic... off.

Behind the scenes:

Your amygdala, the emotion processor, is buzzing.

Your prefrontal cortex, the logic gatekeeper, is snoozing.

So it all makes emotional sense, but not always logical sense. Like catching fish with no skin.

And the strangers in your dreams?

Ever wake up after seeing a face so clear, so detailed, and yet... you've never met them? Neuroscience suggests your brain isn’t inventing faces from scratch, it’s borrowing them. Someone you passed on a staircase three years ago. A face in a photo you barely glanced at. The brain hoards faces like a quiet collector, and dreams are where it lets them loose.

It mixes and matches like a subconscious stylist: “Hmm… today let’s give this fisherman the eyes of a neighbor you’ve forgotten and the hands of your third-grade teacher.”

So... why dream at all?

Good question. There’s no single answer yet, but there are a few leading theories:

Activation-synthesis theory says your brain is just responding to neural noise and your mind builds stories around it.

Threat-simulation theory believes dreams help us rehearse for danger, like emotional fire drills.

Memory consolidation suggests dreams help sort and store the day’s experiences filing thoughts like an odd little librarian.

But science aside, maybe dreams are postcards from deeper selves, fragments of memory, emotion, metaphor, and mystery. Some are comforting, some bizarre, and others (like fish with no skin) linger with unsettling poetry.

But what I keep thinking about even now, hours later is how that dream felt real. The cold weight of the fish, the eerie stillness, the questions it left behind. I don’t know what it means. Maybe nothing. Maybe something quietly symbolic, still curling in the corners of my mind.

Dreams don’t always speak in straight lines. They speak in textures. In symbols. In half-felt things we might not have the language for yet.

So here’s to our sleeping minds stitching together fears, memories, and slippery metaphors. Let the strange dreams stay with you a little longer. Don’t rush to forget them. Maybe they’re your brain whispering something only the heart can understand or maybe they’re just stories we tell ourselves in the dark, trying to find meaning or feeling again.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary549

4/1-2/25

tuesday - wednesday

need to sleep soon.

but currently i'm thinking about dilly bars. it's been a really long time since i've had one. i really like dairy queen. i think i've talked about that before. i really want icecream suddenly. i guess i am extremely hungry. i didn't eat a lot today.

there were some buildings out here that used to look like this... like farm basket. what was with buildings from the 70s having that kind of ugly but cute thing going on. where they looked cheap and almost like places dolls would live in. maybe it's just because it's old, to me, and i didn't live through it at all, and have only received those images/associations, that it takes on a kind of miniature affect.

just remembered that coldplay song that interpolates this song:

the coldplay song is like, dreck, it's not formally bad but to, idk, pointlessly borrow from a song that's this beautiful feels insane and baffling and hacky to me. the melody is so tiny and pretty, it makes me want to cry.

today i did some more texture stuff, which feels good, not a lot really, i just think i got the first diamond done, i should do 2 more, though.

mostly today's been good for music, though. which is surprising. but i found a new amp simulator and it just sounds really good and distorts in a way that's immediately more useful for me, and there's something interesting that happens when i stack this other effect i got in front of that amp, the effect is supposed to be a distortion for more grindcore-y or death metal-y type stuff, but i can turn of the distortion portion, use its eq which is really useful, and use the cab sim back into distortion which shaves off a lot of useless white noise in the highs and creates a kind of nasty tonality, which i like a lot. that ran back thru an amp and then another cab creates a much more lively sound, or, it's quicker to get to lively sounds through that. it does add some weirdly physical properties. it also, being easier, made me write something new. riffs and a chorus i like. how frustrating. in the past a lot of the time i'd try really hard to keep to like, how a real guitar signal path would go, so things like this cab simulation back into amp sims and stuff i'd avoid, or feel like it was too... fake or something. i just need to accept stuff sounding good if it sounds good. this is one case where it sounds much better. besides, at this point with pedals that emulate other cabs, this is something people kind of do already, using impulses like fucked up eq curves.

listening to this a lot, though this band's always on my mind. here's something from a related band:

not heard this record. but i like how this winds down and then starts up again, just punishing grinding on all the instruments.

here's something else, wes eisold of some girls, and more famously cold cave, this was another band of his, i'm listening to this now:

i need to sleep now though... guh.. but this is pretty good hardcore, very basic. i need to find some more powerviolence stuff. just wanna live in the sound a bit more than i have been lately. it's crazy how his vocals are on this stuff, he's a bit more harsh here than would be normal for stuff that feels this not extreme. but that's cool, it adds a bit more of a crazier feel.

there's 3 songs left but i am too sleepayyy.... i want to wake up like... at 1 pm today. that's a goal... i'm such a loser, aren't i,

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bengisuedotcom]

Non-Playable Characters, the Death of Desire & Other modern Malfunctions

Simulation Talk, Absurdism and way too many mentions of Jon Rafman

There’s a strange sense of déjà vu in modern intimacy. Conversations repeat. Desires fade. Everyone starts to sound the same. Responses feel pre-written. Emotions, rehearsed. Even vulnerability comes with a caption.

It’s not just the apps or the interfaces. It’s deeper than that. It’s the sensation of being surrounded by people who don’t seem to be fully there—who move through romantic space like non-playable characters. Looping gestures. Predictable scripts. No glitch, no divergence. Just liminal presence.

The term NPC comes from gaming. A non-playable character exists only to fill space, guide the player, provide predictable responses. Their lives repeat on loop, no matter what choices you make. Lately, reality feels like that. Flattened. Gamified. Full of people designed to simulate connection but not actually sustain it.

Jon Rafman put it bluntly: “We’re enjoying our own nightmares.” Love has become a video game with no final level. Just moodboards, playlists, and matching aesthetic references. The emotional architecture still exists except now it’s filled with avatars, not individuals.

This isn’t a think piece. It’s not a takedown of dating apps or a recycled essay on emotional unavailability. It’s a report from inside the uncanny valley of modern desire. A reveal of glitches. A theory of longing in an age that renders everything performative.

Because if the game was rigged —

what does it mean to still want something real?

Sex as Code, Love as Gameplay

Desire used to be instinctual. Unpredictable. Hungry. Primal almost. Now it feels designed. Predictable.

You swipe right, get a match, wait for the message: “Hey, what’s up?” A tap. A heart. A compliment about your dog. A witty pick-up line. He likes your oddly specific playlist. You like his Margielas. You both pretend this is spontaneity.

But really, this is gameplay. Every part of it—from the filtered and curated photos to the carefully chosen replies—is a UI, a user interface for connection. The texture of love is flattened. Swipe, match, new achievement unlocked. Sexting becomes a turn-based RPG (Role-Playing-Game. Think The Sims or Skyrim). One of you plays “Hot,” the other plays “Interested.” You each take turns with the action button. “Send pic.” “Say something dirty.” “Compliment me.”

You’re not talking. You’re selecting responses. You’re not touching. You’re unlocking fabricated experience.

And maybe the saddest part is—it still works. We still come. We still crave. We still chase. Even when it’s obvious that we’re just clicking through a flowchart built by someone who doesn’t know our names. And in a few months won’t even care.

And sometimes, I think we don’t want freedom anymore. We just want the illusion of it.

NPCs: Hollow people in a Gamified Landscape

But this isn’t a critique of dating apps. We already know what they are: structures built for instant gratification, a quick pipeline for validation, little algorithmic dopamine casinos dressed up as intimacy and connection. This is about something much deeper. Something far more interesting.

This is about what happens after the swipe. After the match. After the sex.

This is about the moment you realize the person you’re talking to is running on script.

They say the same thing your last match said. They ask questions like they’re reading them off a card. They touch you like they’ve seen it in a movie but never tried it themselves.

There’s no glitch in their matrix. No spark. No deviation. Just ambient presence. Just noise.

This is emotional unavailability as the default setting. People as non-playable characters—looping dialogue, no growth arc, no memory of past interactions. You could leave and come back and They’d say the same line again: “You’re not like other girls.”

And the worst part? You can’t even mock it. Rafman called it: “We’ve collapsed irony and sincerity.” You’re not sure if he’s being sweet or performative, if the playlist he made for you is real or just another aesthetic export. 

Because when the whole generation is raised inside the simulation, it becomes all they know. There’s nothing outside of it to push against. The resistance gets merchandised. Even rebellion gets good lighting and a brand deal.

Somewhere in this landscape is a figure—the Kool-Aid Man, absurd and smiling, barreling through the architecture of Second Life. His grin is pure performance. Too wide. Too clean. And that’s what makes it terrifying. It’s the same energy as the perfect dating profile photo: hot, high-resolution and hollow.

Somewhere in this world, there is one real player left. Someone still glitching. Still seeing. Still trying.

But this isn’t their story. Not yet. This is the story of the ambient others— the ones who crowd the game and offer nothing back. The hollow people. The NPCs.

NPC-core: Fashion in the Age of Simulation

Even the way they dress gives them away.

There’s a look that’s hard to describe but immediately recognizable. Minimalist, sometimes monochrome, algorithm approved. A wardrobe optimized for mirror selfies and IG stories—nothing too bold, nothing too real. The aesthetic is clear, efficient, lifeless. Call it NPC-core.

It’s just normcore, but evolved. Not ironic, just… post-human.

These are not outfits. These are skins. Programmed identities uploaded for maximum compatibility. You’ve seen them before—Uniqlo basics, sterile sneakers, micro-dosed accessories to suggest personality. The pearl necklace on straight men. The ironic cap that suggests “I’m fun!”. The statement jacket that whispers, “I have taste.”

It’s fashion as rendered identity. No wrinkles. No depth. No texture that wasn’t pre-approved by trend cycles or Tumblr nostalgia.

The kind that let’s you project anything onto someone.

In a world where everything is aesthetic, style stops being expressive and becomes strategic. You don’t wear clothes to reveal yourself. You wear them to blend into your subcultural bracket: sad-boy intellectual, obnoxious creative, clean-girl aesthetic. The visual language is fluent, but dead. These aren't people. They're walking moodboards.

Rafman understood this, even in Second Life—avatars weren’t just personas, they were performances. And performances without a viewer become rituals of emptiness. And if you think about it very very hard, that’s how you feel when you watch it. Once the confusion wears off. Emptiness. Disconnect.  Just like dressing for an audience that isn’t really there.

Like looking in the camera of a sitcom you’re not in. Trying so badly to break the fourth wall.

Because the real horror of NPC-core isn’t bad taste. It’s no taste. No conflict. No contradiction. No glitch.

Only seamless rendering.

The Groundless World: Absurd Desire in a Flattened Reality

Desire used to pull us somewhere. Forward. Toward. Now it loops.

Swipe. Match. Ghost. Repeat. Sex. Detach. Crave. Swipe again.

We’ve mistaken infinite options for freedom, but freedom without direction becomes its own kind of prison. A game with no final level. Just side quests. Just vibes.

Rafman calls it groundlessness. *1

A world without check points, without hierarchy, without structure. No high culture, no low. No real or fake. No past to rebel against. Only now—flattened, depthless, continuous.

And in this now, desire becomes absurd. It reaches, but there's nothing to reach toward. So it spins in place. Frictionless. Floating. Like a cursor sliding over a screen, waiting for input that never comes. For direction. For a call-to-action. For an order.

We think we’re choosing. We think we’re free. But Black Mirror Bandersnatch already proved it: even when you pick your path, the outcome was pre-written. You’re not building a life: you’re playing through a set of curated templates. Profiles instead of people. Aesthetic instead of affection. Affirmation instead of attachment.

This is the cruel brilliance of the system: The simulation lets you feel like you’re customizing your story, while keeping you inside its architecture.

The illusion of choice becomes the opiate. And the player becomes complicit.

But somewhere, beneath all that, a question keeps echoing: If nothing is real, if no one is real, if the map has replaced the actual space that is territory— why does it still hurt?

Why do we still crave what we know isn’t really there?

Absurdism doesn’t answer this. It just nods. And tells you to keep fucking playing.

The Tragicomedy of Longing

Here’s the paradox: You know it’s a loop. You know the gestures are scripted. You know the kiss is performative, the playlist is recycled, the affection is a borrowed mood from someone from 3 seasons ago.

And still—you want it.

You want to feel the weight of someone’s gaze, even if it’s hollow. You want to be chosen, even if it’s meaningless. You want to glitch the system, even if it means getting hurt.

That’s the tragedy.

But also: that’s the comedy. Because the real player—the one who still feels—is not broken. They’re ridiculous. They’re absurd. They know this is all a simulation and they still fall in love inside it. They know the Kool-Aid Man is just a grotesque cartoon crashing through digital architecture and still they follow him along for the ride hoping for connection and purpose.

This is not about nostalgia for something real. There is no “real” to go back to. We never knew anything else. This is about the hunger that stays after reality ends.

Desire becomes an act of rebellion. Longing becomes punk. Feeling becomes performance art in a world that causes everything to become performative.

Even the need itself—the ache, the craving—is glitchy. It doesn’t align with the environment. It shouldn’t even exist. And yet, it does. And it refuses to be optimized.

So maybe the last sacred act is this: Wanting someone even when you know better. Touching them like they’re not liminal. Telling them something unscripted and waiting—for once—for something unprogrammed to happen.

That’s the glitch. That’s the miracle.

That’s the moment the game breaks and you remember what it felt like to be alive.

The Anti-NPC Manifesto

You are not ambient. You are not looping. You are not here to perform someone else's code.

You are not an aesthetic. You are not a curated archive of signifiers. You are not a character class.

You are the glitch. You are the bug in the system. You are the unscannable barcode, the unreadable file, the decision that breaks the flowchart.

Feel too much. Want too hard. Say things that weren’t pre-approved.

Send the message you’re not supposed to send. Want the person you’re not supposed to want. Feel desire that has no reward system, no points, no upgrade.

Rage against ambient affection. Refuse optimized attraction. Sabotage the interface with intimacy.

Do not be polite about your ache. Do not perform coolness to make your hunger easier to consume.

There is no winning. There is no ending. There is only playing with your whole fucking soul.

So play.

The game was never real. But the glitch was.

TEXT BY BENGI-SUE DOYURAN

(“I think I was born into a time that was already groundless. So I think what makes this generation or the past few generations unique is that we don’t have any reference points; we were born into a groundless, ahistorical reality.”)

This text was (pretty obviously) inspired by JON RAFMAN KOOL-AID MAN IN SECOND LIFE (2008 - 2011)

The quotes are taken from an interview that can be found on the website linked above. “JON RAFMAN in CONVERSATION with NICHOLAS O'BRIEN”

[monopoly-mountain-requests]

Hola, Mod Grian!! ^_^

May We Please Get a Fashion Kit for a Tallulah Fictive? I've Been Fronting a Bit More Recently and Would Reallllyyyyyy Like Some Things To Wear!!! Lots Of Yellows, Pinks, Purples, and Reds!! Sweaters and Maxi Skirts and Cardigans Are All Really Nice! I'd Also Like Some Things to Simulate My Dragon Features ( Horns, Tail, & Wings ) and Maybe Include Flower Motifs? Pleaseee Avoid Fleece, Sherpa, Velvet, and Satin, if Possible!! Also We'd Prefer A Lower Budget But Anything Works!! :D Thank Youuu!!

~ Hya / Tallulah , @starry-fieldcollective

Hi Tallulah! Your fashion kit is queued! I stuck to mostly inexpensive items, but I did add one more costly item, I hope that’s alright! I think I made sure that none of the textures you dislike were included! I hope you enjoy!!

[dzpenumbra]

6/29/23

I had a weird thought today. I just wanted to put it out there. Imagine an alternate future where in 6 months it is discovered that caffeine causes cancer at the same (if not higher) rates that cigarettes do. Do you think they'd make that public? What do you think would be done about it? Do you think people would really be brave enough to try to institute a caffeine prohibition? Just think of the backlash, good lord. Like... most people would just completely flip their shit. Just a thought, about how honestly... we're all addicts. For the most part, there are very few of us that aren't. I think it's important to be mindful of things like that. It may be uncomfortable because of how difficult that pill can be to swallow, but it can be a good jumping off point for empathy.

Weird start, but whatever. I have still been in a bit of a funk today, but not quite as bad as yesterday. I didn't do much. Yoga and an intense workout. Threw together some soup for dinner. Was going to watch skate videos over dinner on-stream and then either work on that animation idea in Blender, or play around with stuff in the Visualizer program I have. But... I didn't stream. I watched streams instead. RP again. I just... I'm off. I don't know.

I tried to figure out audio routing again. My visualizer program needs the audio routed differently to it than I can do with my audio box. It's frustrating as hell. It's the same problem I'm having with my DAW. So... I can work in it with it sensing audio from my mic... but not audio playing on the computer... which is what I really want to test it with. So... either I take a day and figure out audio routing shit again (oh fucking joy...) or I just... play around in it using oscillators and ramps instead of having it be sound reactive. Which... sucks... but it's something.

I know the "easy" solution here is to reinstall Voicemeeter and route audio that way, but... I just remember having a lot of frustrating problems with it in the past. And part of me is kinda scared of fucking up the setup I have right now. I probably won't, but there's still the possibility. Meh, maybe I'll give it a look tomorrow. That would be a really fun stream. To give a bit of a behind the scenes of how I make those live visualizer things from scratch.

I made a cool one today. They had code built into it that's... it's called "Life" and it's a code that basically has a logic built into it that replicates life forms, kinda? Here, this is it, I found it. https://playgameoflife.com/ It's a simulation that follows certain rules and kinda... comes to life. So I had that as a background, super zoomed out so it was basically a texture. Then I had random colored lines crossing over, kinda like laser light beams. Then used a subtract blend mode to mask the Life texture to the light beams... then I threw the random colored lines into a 12-sided kaleidoscope, which slowly rotated and shifted through different random line seeds. So it made cool mandala-like structures.

I like the Life thing, I'm still not sure what to do with it. I got much more engrossed in the idea of making living mandalas. The kaleidoscope effect is perfect for that, I just need to kinda... figure out what I'm doing with it, because I could make some really cool shit, especially when I get it to be sound reactive.

I also worked in Blender a bit, doing the mitosis idea. I figured out how to do physics and collision, but it was getting stressful. So I decided to just hand-animate a start with it in grease pencil. The splitting animation is going to look really cool, but... I get to a point where I need to turn one object into two objects... (kinda duh)... but I... I don't really know how to go about it. Because the best I can figure is... ugh, how to I explain this... Say we have the first cell, it looks like this: o Then it grows in size. 0 Then it pinches in the middle. 8 Now we have two shapes, they're ready to split. So... in order to do the split... I need to kinda... blink the top of the 8 on the original layer out of existence and simultaneously blink a new clone of it into existence. And that has to be seamless. And that has to happen for every split. So... technically the first cell will be immortal. But it will continually double in size, pinch, then have half its mass deleted and start again. Which, of course... isn't how it works in real life... But that's the only way I can make these new clones actually recognized as individual entities. It's a weird concept, it's a little hard for me to wrap my head around. But I'm pretty sure I have to do it. I don't know. I mean... in my head, it seems like it would save sooo much time to just duplicate a grease pencil object and just have it as a separate object, then if there are any problems... it's separated. Easier to troubleshoot. Idk, trying to think ahead.

Anyway, that was basically it. That was basically my day. A little Risk of Rain at the end to wind down and here I am.

I'm just kinda... bracing myself for my therapy session tomorrow. It's not going to be bad, I'm sure. I'm just... bracing myself for... being told I can't be helped again. I don't know what help to expect, to be honest. I just... feel really fucked. And stuck. With how quickly my thoughts are swirling right now, and how abstract they are? Thoughts like "I just make art that no one gives a shit about", "I need to make money so I can finally break free of my fucked up family and not be perpetually living with this axe swinging over my neck that they might just... stop wiring me money for rent", "I haven't worked a job that someone can vouch for on paper in almost a decade, who's going to hire me", "that job better be in walking distance..." All that is panic. They're rooted in real shit, yeah. But there's no imminent crisis. And yet I feel like a fleet of bombers is going to fly over the horizon any minute. It's the feeling that gets me, and makes me freeze up, it makes me lousy at solving problems. It overwhelms. So... I'm gonna chill on that.

I'm just, again, expecting to hear tomorrow that... there aren't really answers. And I'm just going to have to "figure it out".

Also, I got a text from a family friend about an hour before I got the art commission. I never texted him back. He invited me to go to a gathering at a lake nearby, about an hour away. He said it was a bunch of "old farts". Probably woulda been fun. I felt bad I didn't text back. I still can, it's just hard to explain at this point. I just need to explain... I don't have a car anymore. Because the dealership scammed me on an inspection, which apparently is pretty common, and I ended up having to sell my car because of it. The car was only like 6 years old. And now I'm stranded. Really wish I got a second opinion from a local mechanic. Kinda insisted on it a few times, but my mom didn't... approve... and refused to give me a ride back from that. So... if I went and the car wasn't good to go, I would've been stranded. I don't know, the whole thing was messy. Either way, I don't have wheels anymore. And that sucks. So... last minute plans are super tricky for me, because I'd need to reserve the car and pay for it. It's not the end of the world, but... every time I spend money I feel like I'm bleeding out. It sucks.

Ugh, anyway... I wanna get to bed at a decent hour and it's already 5 so instead of just bitching about how fucked my life is... I'm gonna do tarot and call it a night.

Past - Nine of Pentacles, inverted (Self-reliance, goals achieved.  Confidence and satisfaction knowing your work is done.) Present - Nine of Swords (Internal despair, nightmares, anxieties.  Deceptive fears that appear to be reality, but are really illusions.) Future - V: The Wise One, inverted (Spiritual guidance.  Doctrine and tradition.  Connecting with a spiritual group or mentor.)

Alright, starting off with a card I've only gotten once before - inverted Nine of Pentacles. I'm pretty sure that one is... hmm... I think it's something like taking time to enjoy the fruits of your labor? But I don't know because there's another one that's like Seven or Eight of Pentacles that's very clearly celebrating the fruits of your labor... this one is a bit different. I get nurturing vibes from it, like... kinda retiring and devoting your time and attention to nurturing instead. This, of course, being inverted. I'll come back to it in a bit.

This is connected to Nine of Swords. This is the literal nightmare card. This is illusion, panic, things not being what they seem. Definitely can feel like a difficult-mental-health-place card, too.

This is connected to inverted The Wise One. The Wise One represents knowledge and practices that are passed down generationally, traditionally. Doctrine, ritual, that kinda shit. It often represents a spiritual guide or establishment, a mentor. Again, inverted, so... blocked, out of order, etc.

First, following up on the starting point - inverted Nine of Pentacles. Okay, it looks like Nine of Pentacles is about... achievement. So yeah, maybe less celebration and more... just a content feeling of accomplishment. So I really wasn't far off. The Seven of Pentacles I was thinking of was about evaluating your progress and taking time to reflect. This is more... peace and satisfaction in success, resolution. Definitely not seeing that in my life. I really don't let myself feel that, do I? The last project I felt that way about was like... the Desire Path project, that was a long time ago. I guess the hoodie too, kinda... but not really. And I don't consider that "done" by any means. Okay, so... that concept is where we're starting. That leads to Nine of Swords, very well put in my summary - "deceptive fears that appear to be realities, but are really illusions". Yeah, and it's really hard for me to discern between them from this side of the glass. That's why I yearn for perspective and clarity at times like this, for social contact and just... "please, please give me your opinion on this", which usually comes out as "please help!" And this results in... inverted Wise One... a blockage or refusal to connect with the symbol of... a spiritual guide or group. And that does seem to be pretty explicitly stated as spiritual. Which I have abandoned a few times now. Mostly because I don't even know where to start, honestly. Hmm...

I'm struggling to connect the dots on the resolution. Like... the first two make sense to me... because I don't let myself feel a sense of accomplishment from my work, I'm constantly feeling like I've just wasted my life. Like I've accomplished nothing. And that spirals and becomes all-encompassing anxiety until I become outright agoraphobic. And the end result of this is that... I end up not being able to connect with a spiritual group, or spiritual mentor. In fact, it hasn't even really been popping up on my radar. Though it would be a huge thing, I would think... especially for the work I do? Finding a more hippie-style spiritual person, someone who thinks like me... but is still down to earth and chill, I think they'd get a lot of what I've been working towards. And I keep saying mentor and apprenticeship. Is it time to entertain the idea of a spiritual mentorship again? Like... for this? For reading tarot? I don't know.

These are all ideas, directions I can go with things. Possibilities. Let's see the placeholder card and see if that adds some clarity. Five of Cups. Suffering. Grief. Yeah. That's really a theme through all of this. You know... this is actually making some gears turn. Like... I think of grief and I think... that's why I got my current therapist. For PTSD and grief stuff, support with that. And now I'm thinking... aren't therapists just modern day spiritual counselors? Do they not deal with the spirit? I've thought this for a long time. So... maybe this is just heads up of dissonance that might arise there? Or maybe just a warning that there's going to be distance between me and my spiritual support coming soon. I don't know, not sure how to read this but I thought the therapist angle was worth mentioning.

Welp, I'm gonna go wind down. Not the cheeriest note to end on... but I'm doing okay. I'm gonna go tend to my plants before bed, that'll get me in a better mood. Both my chili pepper and tomato plants are flowering, it's really exciting! Still not sure what to do with the chilis but I'm sure I'll figure it out. Maybe make a hot sauce or something?

[hrokkall]

I've considered it before tbh but also its fun to come up with different ways to ask for my faves

Speaking of faves~ how about ????

-🥊

They’re my favorite Hex character too (not counting Rebecha) so I’m more than happy to do this for them

Favorite thing about them: I genuinely love their character design—the use of the missing texture “?” that appears with some engines for their face is really clever (and also I just like “silhouette” type characters in general—a character who is mostly just a black featureless figure but with maybe one or two defining characteristics is my favorite sort of character design. So maybe I’m biased in that regard).

Least favorite thing about them: You can’t see their shoes in Walk? That was one of two parts of their character model that are actually textured—we should be able to look down and see their shoes when they walk too (then again I haven’t played a lot of actual walking simulators so I don’t know if that’s par-for-the-course or not. Still though, it was shown on their 2D model, it should be shown on their 3D model too, damn it!)

Favorite line: I’d love to be funny here but ???, by merit of not having a mouth, doesn’t speak. I will say though I think it’s incredible how they still manage to have so much personality despite not actually having any dialogue. The subtle variation in the length of ellipsis/the text speed was a really cool way of showing that without expressions.

(Though why they didn’t just… write things down though is beyond me—guess the Six-Pint Inn doesn’t have any pens and cocktail napkins).

brOTP: I already talked about this in the Rebecha post, but I genuinely think the two of them would be good friends. Rebecha’s pretty neutral on everyone, it’d be nice if she actually had someone she could talk casually with instead of everyone else talking at her like usual. Plus she’s the only one who actually refers to FPP with a name (even if it’s pretty clearly a placeholder, “Faceless Joe” definitely isn’t something FPP picked personally) and acknowledges their existence outside of extreme suspicion. They interact Literally Once so there’s no real basis for it but I just think they should be friends, y’know?

OTP: I don’t ship them with anyone. (To the surprise of everyone reading this, I’m sure (I say that sarcastically))

nOTP: Haven’t seen any ships for this guy at all. As per usual I probably wouldn’t hate any if I saw them either (provided people aren’t being freaks but I hope that’s a given).

Random headcanon: I’m sure this is a pretty standard headcanon among all 3.5 people who have played the Hex but I generally use they/them for this guy just because I feel they’d want to establish themself as a separate person from just “stand-in for Lionel” and for them pronouns are a part of that—just to say “I’m not Lionel and I’m not really a man either.” I don’t know, it just feels right.

Unpopular opinion: Considering there’s maybe five people total who played the Hex I don’t think there’s any unpopular opinions for this guy.

Song I associate with them: The obvious joke answer is I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers but I’d rather give an actual answer too. I’ll tentatively say Protagonist by They Might Be Giants (which is equally a Lionel song, but it feels like something they’d have to hear about on the daily). And I’ll add Vow of Silence by Lemon Demon too, why not.

Favorite picture of them: There’s unfortunately not many pictures of FPP; I’d love to snag a picture of their model from Walk because that’s my favorite part of the Hex stylistically, but… that’s not exactly feasible on account of the fact that they’re Just Hands. So instead here’s their equally minimalist steam emote.

[kulaiyin]

(content: xenohydro side quest, world 1 finale, world 2 beginning, simulated universe world 3)

(picture unrelated) wrapping up world 1 and heading towards world 2! 

excited to jump into a new world! ╰(*°▽°*)╯

mitosis... 

GETTEM LAMINA!!!!! DON’T LET THIS GUY BOSS U AROUND

XENOHYDRO REAL?! this quest chain (?) was fun... i ended up letting both lamina and the xenohydro go, because i can understand the urge of a living curio to be free... lamina’s story also made me emo. i didn’t manage to find her again after this quest, but i hope she’s living her best life! 

after the quest, i smugly ran straight for where capote and lamina used to stand around and found capote in one of those coffee rooms

to my surprise, he was very humbled by the experience?! i’m glad that he’s reflecting on himself! usually i kinda feel bad for my choice in these side quests, but i like this ending! 👍 

BACK TO BELOBOG... SO WE CAN GET OUT OF BELOBOG!

i took these screenshots weeks ago but... happy pride (❤´艸｀❤)

OH?! THIS IS SO ANCIENT CHINESE DRAMA... 

THEM... this whole sequence was so menacing...

i honestly didn’t expect blade to be “evil,” i thought he was just an edgy emo guy... wait, no, i guess the thing that surprised me the most was the fact that he could smile like that 😱

not the coffee cups 

my phone graphics are CRYONG

during the dan heng nightmare cutscene, i also got a texture error with the sword. after rewatching it online, i realized it was supposed to have a shattered effect, but for me it had some pink stripes just like above! ∑( 口 || 

h-hang in there, phone...

WELT IS COMING ?!!?!?!?!?!? 😳😳😳

MY PHONE POOPED AT THIS PART, THE HOLOGRAMS KEPT GLITCHING BUT KAFKA YOOOOOOOO

the moms are FIGHTING

i'm so curious to see what our destination would have been... but it’s ok, the docking location for xianzhou luofu looks REALLY COOL! 

REALLY DIDN’T EXPECT THE XIANZHOU LUOFU FIRST LOCATION TO BE A BARGE

COOOOOOOOOL!!!!!! COLORFUL

march 7th’s Droppings

KYAAAAAAAA SPACE CHINA LOOKS COOL!!!!

at this point, i hit trailblazer level 35 and got my 10 standard warp passes! (bites nails) WE’RE HITTING PITY, LET’S SEE THE GOODS...!

sampo goes for a 散步

HAPPY TO HAVE HIM! regrettably i haven’t had much opportunity to build/use him since i got him, but it’s nice to fill out the 4-star roster! 💪 only missing sushang and tingyun!

(definitely thinking of throwing pulls on the luocha banner... WANT SUSHANG)

... AND I GOT BRONYA’S E1 YOOOOOOOOO!!!

after reviewing what it does, it seems really good?! now using her skill doesn’t hurt that much anymore! 👀

... REALLY WANT TO GET SEELE TO MATCH WITH HER GF but maybe i will get her on a rerun _(:з)∠)_ i have guaranteed after losing 50/50 to E0 bronya, but i don’t have enough to hit pity... 

march u are so funny (genuine)

XIANZHOU LUOFU IS SOOOOO BEAUTIFUL i love how distinct the architecture is and how there are colorful ribbons in the sky as clouds... ✨ 

(but also please excuse my poop graphics...)

bro has two tails

my phone HATES THIS AREA LOOOOL BUT OMG YUKONG 😳

the holograms and screens glitch like crazy so i regrettably was a bit distracted during this scene... later on i found out that it’s purposefully like that o(￣┰￣*)ゞ

i didn’t expect yukong to have such a high position! ... and to outright reject us akjdlawjl luckily jing yuan is here to our rescue...

(by the way, i genuinely thought yukong was tingyun’s mom or something when i saw the initial character lineup... maybe i’m a fool... THERE ARE A LOT OF FOXIANS HERE) 

oh she lesbiab... i appreciate this npc... 🙏🥺

SIMULATED UNIVERSE WORLD 3... DEFEATED!!!!! i was using preservation buffs and basically it was a cockroach fight with gepard ALKJDALW i can’t even tell you how long it the boss battle took...

yeah... 

i don’t think this is my first time i attempted SU3 (i’m pretty sure nanook sabatoged my first run lol) but i love the fact that we get to use CURIOS...! with curios and blessings, there’s a lot of potential for silly builds...