#like omg clearly he's scheming and gonna keep scheming to avoid this

[mollysunder]

The Plot Thickens: A Confirmed Timeline in Noxus

Riot recently flew LoL creators in to showcase some new developments. Necrit, a creator who attended the event, was able to get confirmation on what's going on with Noxus.

Timeline

By the time Mel arrives in Rokrund (Noxus) as we see in the "Bite Marks" cinematic, Swain is the new Grand General of Noxus, but Swain has NOT formed the Trifarix council yet. (The "Mel is Guile" theory is back on!)

Another thing that was cleared up in the cinematic was the nature of Katarina's job. Sure we know she was sent to kill a man, but who was he and why did he need to be killed?

It turns out that the masked man Katarina killed was meant to be the "host" that Vladimir mentioned in the "A Dark Gambit" cinematic. That means that LeBlanc wanted that dude seen above to become the host body for one of the darkin, a corrupted god warrior, soul weapons.

That's not all of course, because it turns out it was Swain who sent Katarina to kill LeBlanc's host like many of us assumed, it was Vladimir! Even better, there's proof!

For Katarina's bio for her Masque of the Black Rose skin, she's given her assignment via unsigned letter. Within it was a drawing of the target's (host) mask, soon after the Bite Marks cinematic premiered, Riot Twitter released this art with the following caption:

"You should know by now, darling: There are no coincidences in Noxus 🩸"

This room belongs to Vladimir. You can tell not just by his trademark "Darling" used in the caption, but by the vials of blood, the green jeweled crest (for Camavor?) he wears in the cinematics, and the metal claws the metal claws give it away.

More importantly, in the foreground is a sketch of the masked man Katarina was tasked to kill. In fact, it was almost certainly the exact sketch sent to Katarina for her mission.

Now that data mined lore tip that goes:

"Even the best-laid plans can be foiled by two-faced hemomancer. That's why LeBlanc always has a back-up plan".

is a lot more clear.

What Does Any of This Mean?

The story hasn't officially started, but the lines are already being drawn. LeBlanc and Vladimir's centuries' long partnership (frenemy-hood?) has reached a key break because of the darkin plot. LeBlanc has more major enemies than friends now. Vladimir's now a rogue element that likely still has plans for Mel and his "kingdom".

Whatever Vladimir's actual plans are they almost certainly run counter to Swain's own designs. Right now Vladimir has Katarina, a future key ally of Swain's (and a daughter figure I think) in his service, and they've both clearly set their sights on Mel. It's a scramble for Noxus' most emotionally orphaned heiresses to rule!

Sidenote: It's really funny to go back and watch those cinematics and understand all the effort Vladimir went through to stop LeBlanc from going through with a bad idea, and lobby for his idea to get Mel, all for LeBlanc to double down and pull out a back up. She's gonna start twenty apocalypses to stop the Mordekaiser one even if it kills them all. I adore their dynamic so much!

[talkfantasytome]

Finally Reading 'The Cruel Prince'!

Yes, you heard that right! 😄 I'm about 12-13 chapters in and I'm invested!

Now, I present to you my real-time thoughts/commentary, as sent to some friends in slack as my form of "live-tweeting". I am tagging with "the cruel prince spoilers", for those that don't want to see these.

I will also note that I am reading this with the knowledge that Jurdan is a thing on some level...whether I just follow people that like that ship and it's not canon, or it is canon, I have yet to find out and have now appropriately blocked those tags (and some other books, but I need to work on that cause I keep getting these types of spoilers 😫).

On chapter 4. I like Locke.

Tournament happened, loved her little speech, I hope Cardan understands the irony. But, considering they're, like, allergic to iron or whatever, I'm guessing not. (Sorry, not sorry, I think I'm hilarious.)

Locke is a secret sweetie, and it's so cute! But I can't figure him out. He's reading Cardan well, and still giving Jude smiles that thrill her...I really don't want some weird love triangle. But I'm hopeful cause I was told to not approach this book as a romance.

Also, mortal land chapter...dayum gurl. I can't remember if this is the one that has a sort of corruption arc, but it feels plausible and I'm here for it.

And Cardan sucks, but their conversations keep just sounding like heavy dom talk and I blame my friend on tumblr and her stupid, glorious toxic Nessian AU (we all know who, but I won't tag her cause she hasn't read this yet)

Omg, the prince wanting her to lie. Do it again! 😂😂

Also, PHEW! I honestly thought Dain or whatever was about to ask Jude to be his wife...but just his spy!

I hope she accepts

Yesssss!

Oh fuck

He can control her

I'm happy and worried...like, madoc's not there, there's a reason, and idk that it's good

WAIT! Is HE gonna turn out to be the cruel prince??? 👀

Awww...Locke wants to see her again. 🥰 But Cardan was furious and then stabbed her finger to help her become disenchanted or whatever...👀

Clearly Jude doesn't understand she's in a book when she enters Cardan's room. From the moment she mentioned annotated papers and piles of books I was like "I betttt"

Then Alice in Wonderland - so obvious, but she had to see the clothes 👀

Struggling a bit with the way some things are written. Like, it's right, but certain things given early on imply something other than the way the world is actually built and, like, it just seems like it could've been an easy thing to avoid. But it's pretty minor.

Response to a friend who said Cardan has mostly been "kind of being a dick" up to this point: Always being a dick 😂

They're all scheming! What's up with Balekin?? I thought he was also a drunk?? But instead he is trying to teach Cardan by abusing him? And why must these dark characters always have some deep horrors. Is it too much to ask for a dick to just be a dick and have her fall for him anyway?

I'm sure I'll update more later when I have time to read again.

[evenstevensranked]

#9: Season 3, Episode 22 - “Leavin’ Stevens”

It’s the series finale!! Eileen is projected the winner of a major election for Congress, which means the Stevens family will be moving to Washington D.C. immediately. Pretty big deal. Our beloved characters must say goodbye to each other forever, but Louis can’t bring himself to move across the country without telling Tawny how he really feels about her. 

Let’s talk about why this cinematic plotline would’ve made an infinitely better DCOM than The Even Stevens Movie. 

This one opens with the Stevens family huddled together in the living room, anxiously awaiting the results of Eileen’s election. Riiiiight as the news reporter is about to announce the winner, Beans appears out of nowhere, grabs the remote and changes the channel to... Toon Disney?! They show a legit clip of Teamo Supremo (remember that show?! LOL) instead of some fake cartoon or something which is kinda cool. Granted, it’s a Disney cartoon, so they had the right to use it no problem -- but still! That show premiered in 2002 so I’m sure they threw that clip in there to promote it somehow. Otherwise, it’s just sorta funny to think Toon Disney and ABC (Disney Channel sister stations) exist in the Even Stevens-verse. 

Beans, being the nuisance that he is, throws the remote into a skinny vase thing so Ren is forced to ~magically~ change the channel back manually. 

Remember when you could change the channel with buttons on the actual TV? Good times. If you lose the remote these days, you’re pretty much screwed. 

Thankfully, they turn back in time to catch the results: EILEEN WON! It cuts to her giving a little press conference outside where she announces that the entire family will be moving to Washington D.C. immediately so that she can get to work right away. This is insane news to Louis since he apparently had no idea that Congress was in Washington or that the whole family would need to move there if Eileen were to win. 

It cuts to a very depressed Louis at school cleaning out his locker. Tom and Twitty are with him and Twitty is seemingly in denial about the whole situation, explaining that nothing’s going to change and that a few 14-year-olds can hop a flight to D.C., hang out with Louis and be home by dinner time easy peasy! Tom brings them back to reality by calling them “poor delusional fools” and it’s great. Tawny shows up and it’s time for “Romeo to bid farewell to his Juliet” (Tom’s words.) Oh, man. The rom-com drama kicks in here and I can’t get enough of it. 

I’m guessing that this moment is the actual very last time they’re ever going to see each other?!?! So, the two of them are incredibly freaking awkward trying to say their goodbyes. I mean, how do you say goodbye forever to one of your best friends who is also obviously your crush in, like.. 30 seconds? They’re stammering and dancing around the idea of simply saying “I’m gonna miss you!” So, what do they do? They end up completely avoiding the situation by talking about how they’re going to miss the school cafe’s chili fries instead of each other. Clearly, that is not the last thing either of them wanted to say. As frustrating as this scene is, it’s pretty hilarious. Louis is all “I’m really gonna miss... y.......ahh... c..hili.... fries on Wednesday!” and Tawny just awkwardly goes along with it, “Yeah. I love those... They’re great.” HAHAHA. They proceed to engage in what’s gotta be up there as one of the most uncomfortable hugs of all time:

One thing this show consistently nails is middle school awkwardness. Louis & Tawny are lightyears ahead of me and my old crush though. He was moving to Deleware at the end of 8th grade and we didn’t even say goodbye to each other at ALL at graduation, omg. We just avoided each other entirely. The worst part is that we were side-by-side PARTNERS for the graduation march and we didn’t even speak to each other. The level of immaturity and awkwardness is unparalleled.... 

It cuts to Ren talking with Ruby and Monique who are also getting emotional over Ren’s impending departure. (“What are we gonna do without her?!”) Basically, the two of them are completely incapable of organizing their own lives and need Ren’s constant guidance. One of their biggest concerns is that the three of them previously waited 6 hours in line for Peachbox tickets and now they can’t go to the concert together. First of all.... WHAT OR WHO THE HECK IS PEACHBOX? For some reason, I’ve always imagined a knockoff Matchbox Twenty band simply because of the “box” connection lol. Buuuut, I’m gonna guess that it’s just a music festival or something. It’s not important in the grand scheme of things here.

We see Louis and Twitty walking home from school together and it’s a very somber stroll. Twitty says “I know you’re not the most romantic guy in the world (I BEG TO DIFFER, TWITTY!!!) but, do you really want the last thing you talk about with Tawny to be chili fries?” Obviously, Louis says no, but its too late! There’s nothing he can do at this point! Twitty dramatically says “No, it’s never too late...” and just WALKS AWAY!!!! Did he leave Louis in the dust?! Was that the last thing they said to each other?! What?! Did Louis and Twitty’s epic friendship just... end on a cryptic note for dramatic effect? Why am I just realizing this?

I’m laughing at the idea of this being their final exchange. “It’s never too late. Peace out, cub scout.”

Twitty’s dramatic last words kick Louis into rom-com leading man overdrive. As soon as he gets home, he sits down and starts recording a videotape for Tawny so that he can say everything he wasn’t able to in person. (See cover photo.) Oh, my lord. This is incredible. He starts off by saying that he’ll already be 2,797 miles away (he looked it up) in Washington by the time she sees the tape. “I didn’t want the last thing we talked about to be chili fries. So that’s why I’m doing this -- this tape, ya know? To tell you how I really feel...” And Shia is already hitting it outta the god damn park with his acting. The scene cuts after that, so we don’t get to hear the rest. Gotta keep us on our toes!

Louis meets up with Tom later and gives him the tape, instructing -- or rather, threatening -- him to personally deliver it to Tawny... OR ELSE. 

“Tom, I’m entrusting you with this tape. Okay? So, if anybody else -- besides Tawny -- gets their hands on this... I will personally track you down and make you pay. You hear what I’m saying?”

There’s a little subplot with Donnie and Coach Tugnut, as well. Every character’s plot in this episode revolves around the Stevens family moving, which is kinda cool. We get to see how the potential change affects all of them! Coach Tugnut was planning on training Donnie for the Olympics, so he nearly has a heart attack when he finds out he’s moving. Steve decides to call his boss, Mr. Kupchack, and cuss him out because he thinks he’s never going to see him again. (Bad idea.) Louis has the Tawny situation. Ren has her friends. And of course, Eileen’s whole career is being uprooted. 

Tugnut ultimately decides to uproot his life as well and drive all the way to Washington to continue Donnie’s training. There’s a pretty great final ~adult joke~ here. Tugnut says he talked it over with his wife, Tammy, and they agreed that a little break could be good. He explains that Tammy is busy with her own life, which includes working the night shift at Romano’s Pizza. But, Donnie’s like.. “Uh, Coach... Romano’s Pizza closed, like... 2 years ago” -- Insinuating that Tammy’s been cheating at night. “I’m sure there’s a logical explanation!” Tugnut concludes. Wow. I like this joke, though. It’s subtle and smart. 

Right as Steve is fervently insulting his boss over the phone, Eileen comes running into the living room in a tizzy. She turns on the TV and calls for the entire family to come watch. In a “stunning and dramatic reversal,” a recount snatched victory away from Eileen and gave the congressional seat to some guy Charles Nuck. 

Louis: “My tape!” Ren: “My friends!” Steve: “My job!” Donnie: “My coach!” Eileen: “My seeeeat!”

You can always count on Tom Virtue to go overboard with his performance. To be fair, Steve knows that he totally just lost his job. Soo...

So, yeah! We’re only 9 minutes into the episode and The Stevens family is no longer moving! Wexler is so elated to have Ren back, he’s all “I’d be lost without you!” -- Literally no one can live a productive life without Ren Stevens I guess. He does a little happy dance down the hallway but then stops in his tracks in horror when he sees Louis moving back into his locker. “Noooo!” HAHAHA. 

“WHYYYYYY?!” -- I just really wanted to include this screenshot. Notice how Louis is unpacking a giant thing of syrup! Leftover from Lumberjack Club, I presume? 

Twitty stops by and Louis is in damage control mode. “I have a problem. I did the worst thing I could possibly do.” Twitty says “Dude, everyone gets gas climbing the rope in gym, it’s okay.” HAHA! For some reason I never really noticed that line before. It’s great. Of course, Louis explains that he gave Tawny a tape telling her how he really feels. Twitty asks how bad it is and if he dropped the “L-Bomb.” (“Did ya tell Tawny that you loved her?”) And Louis is officially freaking out. OHHHHHH MYYYY GODDDDDD. Scenes like this make me think that Even Stevens was more of a ~bro show~ kinda. I wonder if guys across the country related to this or not. 

Ren’s little ~storyline within the storyline~ could’ve been a lot better. As usual, she got the short end of the stick for her final hurrah in the series. She ends up finding a replacement of herself for Ruby and Monique named Denise who is seriously controlling and super creepy. After they find out the Stevens are no longer moving, Monique and Ruby really don’t want to go to the concert with Denise anymore. So Ren eventually finds replacements for Ruby and Monique as well so the three doppelgangers can go together instead. It’s trippy. And that’s pretty much it. 

Louis talks to Tawny later that day and finds out that Tom already delivered the tape. Yikes! Tawny doesn’t know what's on the tape though and doesn’t think much of it either. She’s assuming that it’s probably a nature special or Doris’ 40th birthday. And Louis quickly interjects “Good party! That was a good--” and awkwardly cuts himself off. Shia’s phrasing. It’s so good. I laughed pretty hard. Anyway, Louis is officially on a mission to retrieve the tape before she has a chance to watch it and calls Beans for help. Beans is at school when Louis calls his cell phone, and um... Beans is 8 years old. Why does he have a cell phone in 2002? Also, he should be in 3rd grade. Does this look like 3rd grade to you?!

That teacher is reading a baby storybook to them. This never seemed right to me lol. Also, that super tall kid in the middle is at least 11 years old. Come on now. ALSO they make a point to show that every kid in the class has a cell phone, too. Perhaps this show was simply ahead of its time AGAIN, showing us that soon technology will consume all of our lives at every age. 8 year olds have iPhones nowadays.

To sum it up, Louis has Beans climb into Tawny’s bedroom window to steal the tape back. This is the only episode where we see Tawny’s bedroom and much like the part of her house we saw in Thin Ice, it suits her personality perfectly and I love it. 

Louis is relieved to have the tape back, but once he gets home he notices the tape is actually labeled “To: Louis.” OHHHHHHHH BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! HEREEEE WEEEE GOOOOO! I’ll let you watch this truly iconic and emotionally taxing scene play out for yourself:

Can you say SOULMATES?! What are the odds they’d both decide to confess their feelings via videotape? Well, besides it being an uber romantic plot device lol. 

The episode ends with Louis and Tawny at their lockers, smirking knowingly at each other because they know they’re in love now lol. It’s precious. It’s still a little awkward because it’s like “ok, we love each other or whatever... now what?” So, in true Louis & Tawny fashion Louis says “Soooo... I hear they’re having chili fries at lunch today.” And Tawny whispers “Cool. I love chili fries.” The two of them laugh at how well they know each other and walk off hand and hand into the sunset. All is right with the world. 

How sweet are they?! Seriously one of the most underrated pairings everrrrr. Tawny’s jeans though. I never understood the 2000s fashion trend that was distressed markings on the BUTTCHEEKS of pants! It looks absolutely terrible.

The final minute bit is Tugnut crying “DonnnieeeeEE!” all alone at the Washington monument lol. 

This is probably the most cinematic episode of Even Stevens. This thing plays out like a freaking movie. Honestly, if they fleshed out the plot a little more and added a few twists and turns that I can’t think of because I’m not a screenwriter -- I firmly believe this would've made for a better and more satisfying DCOM than The Even Stevens Movie. They could've ended the series with an episode built around a wacky plot like the vacation, (I mean, the dismal and beyond outlandish In Ren We Trust was the series’ penultimate episode so that wouldn't be a stretch...) and then have an original movie with heart and a story rooted in the characters. Am I alone here, or? Having the series end with Louis and Tawny getting together and then barely interacting in The Even Stevens Movie always pissed me off. The bit with the videotapes could totally compete with any blockbuster romance film, tbh. MOVIES end with characters finally getting together and it's the big, satisfying moment. Ending a SERIES like that, and then not doing anything with it in the big finale film is just frustrating. I wanted to see what became of Louis and Tawny: The Couple. 

This 8-second scene of them in the chair is the extent of their interaction in the movie. Along with two “right next to papa” lines from Louis, which Tawny sorta reacts apathetically/sarcastically to. That’s literally it. 

I’ve mentioned before that people tend to write-off Even Stevens as nothing but a wacky show to watch if you want to turn your brain off. But, there’s so much heart here and great characters that are overlooked! Having such a crazy movie for the big ending just solidified that Even Stevens = Dumb and wacky TV show, in the memories of many. Which is perhaps the reason why the show isn’t remembered as widely or fondly in comparison to other live action Disney shows of the era. This could also contribute to its underratedness. It’s just not the DCOM we deserved. Even I remember thinking “this looks stupid” when I first saw the promo trailer for the movie as a kid. But this series finale episode felt more like a movie to me than the DCOM ever did! It almost seems like it was intended to be a film but they cut out a bunch of it. It feels really rushed. One minute the Stevens are moving and the next they’re not. There’s so much more tension and emotion that could’ve been built if the idea of them moving lasted longer than 8 minutes, haha. Idk. This just feels like a plot that deserves more than 21 minutes to unfold and breathe. 

I kinda adore this episode. To this day it still manages to squeeze a lil’ tear outta me. I really can’t stress enough how sublime Shia’s acting on the tape to Tawny is. If the scene was longer, it could totally rival his romantic monologue in Disturbia (which some people have performed for acting auditions!!!) I wanna see people do a “Louis Stevens monologue” for auditions, man! lol. The day I see a modern Disney kid pull this sort of scene off with the same level of maturity will be the day hell freezes over. I love that Shia gave his all to this role. Even though ES was “just a Disney show” he treated the material with the weight it deserved and I really appreciate that. It’s what helps make Even Stevens more than “just a Disney show” and why it’s still great, if not better, in 2018. 

This episode makes my Top 10 because, like I said, it has such a movie feel to it and one of the strongest/most engaging plotlines in the entire series. I might’ve ranked this one even higher if Ren had a better final plot. They could’ve had a double romance dilemma with Ren and Larry getting together as well or at least a cute moment where they finally end their rivalry, but nooooooooo! The pressure of moving forced Louis & Tawny to confront their feelings, they could’ve done the same thing with Ren and Larry. If this episode had a Ren/Larry subplot of any kind it would probably be my #1 lololol. The episode does have a lot going for it and so much potential though. I had to put it in the single-digits.

The Louis/Tawny content here is OBVIOUSLY of the highest quality. Hands down the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen on the Disney Channel at least. The videotape(s) is like a grand gesture, but also small and intimate at the same time. Per-fect. The acting is especially great here, from both Shia and Margo. I mean, these performances could stand up against any "adult” comedy TV show, heck.. they’re probably better honestly. They’re seriously killin’ the game and they’re both 16/17 years old here. So underrated. Even Stevens deserved to be picked up by a major network. Imagine what it might’ve been like on ABC, CBS, or NBC? Dang. It’d be the cult classic it deserves to be today.

Thanks for reading!!

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