#like shit man i love you writing but i also love you oral tradition/oral history theres something about the collaborative nature of it that

[atcordare]

Okay well this is a thread of the designs of my zukka AU

This is sokka, water tribe attire first and fire nation attire on the second image.

I tried picking elements from the Inuit and Maori cultures, besides canon content from ATLA and some other stuff I pulled out my ass.

For the water tribe attire, i chose to stick closely to the inuit traditional clothing. I added fringes and a little bit of a patterned section- The Southern Water Tribe is extremely poor in canon and even more so in my AU, so I'm pretty sure they don't have a lot of resources to spend in decorations. I did, however, get creative with the cape. It's maori-inspired- I took some elements from the cape that signaled chiefs (the white parts on the top, which are dried plants), and some others from the parts that signaled hunters (the braided section and the dark color of the general silhouette). However, using the skin of an entire animal was my own idea, and I was taking into consideration the materials available in the area they lived in.

The tattoos are mostly my invention as well. There are notes in spanish by them- they ssy that the tattoos on the face point out the role on the tribe (i merded together inuit tattoo designs and the marks people get from ice dodging), because everyone can see them. Then, the ones avobe the heart tell you about the person's name and their family. Inuit society puts a lot of weight into family and such, so I thought it would be appropiate. Then, down the arm, where lays the skills and such, they tattoo the person's accomplishments. A heavily tattooed arm belongs to an enviably accomplished person. However, these tattoos are comsidered to be deeply personal and they're only supposed to be shown to your loved ones (since you're not getting naked in front of just anyone in the south pole...) It isn't specified in there, but you also tattoo the name of the person you marry on the inside of your wrist- avobe your pulse, and ready for you to see when you miss them, at any time.

I thought this was a cool way to keep the written tradition going in a place where you can't really actually write, with all the snow and shit. This and embroidery- but i guess embroidery would be dedicated to tapestries that would show the history of the tribe, kept in like a public closed space. The inuit rely very heavily in oral tradition to pass down their identity as a tribe, and while that IS something I wanted to keep (and I did! but it's not reflected on sokka's design), I don't want the water tribe to be a replica of the actual inuit. I'm pretty sure I couldn't play off the inaccuracies if it was. Oops.

Then the earring- there's a tooth and a black feather. Honestly, the tooth just looks cool and that was my reason to shove it in, but the feather DOES hold meaning. It has a Maori origin, since they used the feathers of a now extinct bird to point out chiefdom. Pitch black feathers signaled a minor chief or a less powerful one, while tgere were white-tipped ones that were used to point out absolute power?? If i understood that right?? And since Sokka is the acting chief of the southern water tribe while the men are at work, I thought it would be nice to show the difference that way. Hakoda keeps his own white tipped feather, but Sokka got the pitch black one from him.

The fire natiom outfit mixes elements of tge forementioned cultures along with the fire nation. He bandages his tattoos so no one can see them, he has an archer glove on his right hand, and the clothes allow ventilation so the man that has lived surrounded by snow his entire life doesn't evaporate the moment he lands foot on the fire nation.

The fringes and the pants are inspired by the inuit again, same as the pattern on the top thing. The cape is a fire nation-ized version of his cape with a fire nation-ized parka hood. Less practical, chillier, just there to give off a more commanding vibe.

The lore behind the outfit is that Sokka used some clothes designed by Gran Gran and made by the fire kingdom so he can travel there for whatever business (I didn't explain this and probably won't since this silly little AU has thiiiin chances of leaving my head, but this is an arranged marriage AU mixed in with political drama, enemies to lovers shenanigans and whatnot). However, the fire nation people were all "nooo put on some REAL clotheees" so he just shuffled in whatever didn't look too awful from what he saw in the fire nation fashion scene and called it a day. The cape is what really did it for the fire nation people, though. Gives off a more royal vibe, attracts the eye, whatever.

He can use bows, his boomerang and spears, as long as you keep in mind that he was trained a hunter and not a warrior. He was left to hunt on his own for his entire village (which includes animals to get the skin for clothes from) since he was younger than 15 so you can bet he's damn good at it (i think it should have been the same in canon since this happens in there as well but whatever). Also, since he's used to constantly running in way denser territory in way heavier clothing at the same speed than people from the rest of the nations, you can bet he's crazy quick when those factors aren't hindering him.

[eyeofthemoongame]

Hello! This isn't really an ask, but I just want to say how much I appreciate this story and maybe also provide words of encouragement. Oh, and sorry if im coming off as formal, too much academic writing melts any other kind of writing style haha. That and maybe this myt get super long, i have a lot to say and im new to this hehe

Im super young, still in my twenties, but life in my province back in Visayas, (especially as a child) was characterized by green rice fields, roiling seas, fresh fruit and carabao filled rivers. Sure, there was danger and fear even then. But those days were also warm and filled with love. Now there are malls, fast wifi, and the rivers have cement walls. In addition to that, the shores that I played in during my childhood have changed as well, growing higher and higher, even during low tide, and its medyo frightening to watch as my home seems to change before my very eyes. Sure, if you go to the more rural areas, you can still see green, but the mountains have changed their shape, and every time I go back to those same areas it gets a bit more jarring every time. But your descriptive setting made me remember the earlier days. Suddenly, it felt like I could see how the mountains looked like again, how clear and untouched the rivers were and maybe even picture the seas I grew up with and played in. You gave me that warmth again.

I also super enjoyed how you wrote the relationship between our MC and the parents, the way you described how they deboned the fish and gave the meat to the mc and how you described how the food was served and even cooked, it was fucking amazing! Food is ingrained in our culture, so many polite practices surround it and i feel like you've captured an unspoken, caring kind of thing that we do for people that we love. Hell my amah ( lola in fil-chi culture) served us our own fish and mango the same way you described! I also love how you wrote the parents relationship. Back then sa pre-colonial times we still had gender roles, but they were so different! Gimme some time, and maybe if i work up the courage again, maybe I’d go on a rant on how the Spanish set back the Philippines on gender shit and progressive ideals—I digress. It’s refreshing to read and so soft, i can’t even explain how soft it made me feel.

I absolutely love this game. I dont know how to explain it without devolving into incoherent gushing, but I do. From the first page palang, I can feel the love and care that has gone into the writing and characterization. How you wrote our culture, and how you reply to pa sa mga asks, mehn I cannot begin to describe how inspiring this entire IF is. With this though, I’d like to finally segue into my words of encouragement (which you can take with a pinch of salt).

When this get bigger (and it will im sure! im such a huge fan man) you'll get pinoys and peeps who will dive in and say na you are doing our culture a disservice or some shit, na you are taking the stuff you want lang and making it palatable/sanitized for people who is outside of our culture. Pinoys can be toxic, ive mostly avoided it, but the freaking hypocrisy when it comes to #PNOYPRIDE is hella blegh. But I digress- when this happens and it gets too much, remember na these peeps should just go kick rocks kay they are barking up the wrong tree. I’m not an expert, I’m not a history major who specializes in pre-colonial Philippine history, but I can say as a person who grew up surrounded by folklore, traditional dances, and songs; that our stories? They are as fallible and as fickle as human nature itself.

These stories weren't written down, we didn't have Pilandok and Biag ni Lamang because a bunch of peeps sat down and wrote these stories. And even if they did have written it down, those written copies are gone, burnt away by white men who thought their God demanded it. No, these stories were passed down by oral tradition. And with each retelling, stuff gets muddled, details changed, morals updated to suit the times, and translations get fucked. But it’s still the same stories. Our dances and songs are treated the same way. Dances are shortened, songs are interpreted and sung differently, does it mean that this takes away their value from them?

This whole blog an amazing, wonderful thing. So much of our culture has been locked away behind foreign academic libraries. And what you are doing is taking these tattered fragments and piecing them together in such a way that a new legend has come from it. So few of these stories remain, I want to read more stories set in our mythology. One can argue that our past is way too bloody to be worth writing about. And its true, our Pre-colonial history is bloody and fucked up, but aren't all cultures? I don't think that we were given the opportunity to love it or to hate it, to cultivate the pride for it and learn from it. And the only records of a solid understanding of the various pre-colonial way of life is written by white men who called it dirty, backward and dehumanizing, thus setting the tone of how its told for centuries.

I want to encourage you, and i dearly hope that this message did this job, because I love my roots and I want to be proud of it, to accept it the way other cultures have accepted theirs. What you are doing is amazing. You're amazing! The love and care that you put into it, the new story and legend that you are providing us— I cannot begin to say how much I needed this. Tbh I almost cried, first chapter plang, because of how much care went into this. And I want to thank you for that. Thank you for making something so precious and loved. Thankyou for allowing us to read something so close to you, its made me so happy talaga. It's humbling, and very much so in a good way.

Ill end it here, kay this has become a 1k essay. But I just had to say it. Its like 3 am here and i have so many (academic) papers to do. But I just had to you how much I love and appreciate this. Congrats on your demo! And thankyou so much for giving me ( and the rest of the IF community ) the opportunity to read this.

Ingat ate maarte! And may you be blessed po!

anon eye—WOW THANK YOU SO MUCH this is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me and i'm a little overwhelmed at how thoughtful and kind and genuine this message is!! 🥺😭

this sort of connection between me and you and our other kababayan is TRULY what motivates me to write and i'm honestly so touched. thank you so much for writing this out and sharing this with me 💗and don't worry about being too formal at all!

putting the rest under a cut to be kind on the dashboard bc my response kinda turned into an artist talk haha

showing our people's respect for the land was a priority for me in this story. pre colonial filipinos (like many indigenous groups) had such a deep relationship with nature and understood how to care for the land like it takes care of us. this is what inspired the themes of balance in eotm; there's a constant give and take between mortals and deities and taking advantage of the other or taking the other for granted leads to decay.

the family interactions were really important to me too! i was writing eotm over the summer, when i finally got to see my extended family after over a year of pandemic to celebrate my lolo's birthday. it was a really joyful experience and after everything that's been happening i was just really struck with a profound sense of gratitude that we were able to all see each other again because i knew that a lot of people weren't able to say that. and so i wanted to convey that very deep sense of familial love in this story; of understanding people well enough to perceive how they give and receive love; of reconnecting with people that will always love you no matter how long you've been apart. god i'm tearing up again now 😭

and yes there were "gender roles" back then but not necessarily in the same hierarchical framework as the western context. my understanding is that men and women played different roles in society but there wasn't a reinforcement of patriarchy or cisheteronormativity like there is now after the spanish poisoned our culture and forced their religion onto us. and so the way i have translated that into eotm is to subvert the roles between lakapati and mapulon. lakapati is the one that mostly tends to the fields and works while mapulon tends to the house and cooks and handles their social calls. lakapati is even taller than mapulon. and i intentionally don't really bring attention to this subversion within the text. it simply just is.

i really appreciate your words of encouragement re: #pinoypride bc honestly, that had been one of my biggest worries. i was born in the philippines but moved to the states when i was a kid. i've been on the internet long enough to witness the diaspora wars lmao. there will inevitably be people who receive eotm in the way you described, and before i ever even published this game i accepted that. creators of color, especially those who are women and also queer, are put under a severe magnifying glass. there's always going to be someone whose standards of purity i will not meet.

i understand that narrative scarcity makes all of us very protective of how our stories are told and so flaws within the work are exaggerated. there's such a lack of stories like this and so every scrap of representation matters. but i've never hidden the fact that this is a work of FICTION and that i'm taking a good bit of my own creative liberties in order to make the story work the way i want it to work. like yes this story is representative of filipino culture and history, but also i want to make my hot OCs kiss you feel me? 😂

also i'm clearly not entertaining these white folk at ALL lmao so i just hope those people save us both the trouble and block me from the get go 🤷🏽‍♀️

really appreciate everything you said—nothing but the truth! 😤 thanks again for being on this ride with me 💗

[sunlight-moonrise]

The Price (Reid Imagine)

Summary: Reader is a technical analyst for the BAU. She did not expect to be smitten by the resident genius. 

A/N: This is my first time writing a fic as well as my first time writing smut. I’d like to thank @spencer-reid-in-a-pool​ for beta reading my work (you’re a gem and I’ll fight for you). Also a quick thank you to @imagining-in-the-margins​ and those in the discord for being so welcoming and helping me with this. The fic is inspired by @erin-bo-berin​ Sweet Cheeks. 

Category: Fluff and Smut

Content Warnings: Oral (female receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, rough sex

Word Count: 6.0K

Masterlist

There are a lot of things I enjoy about this job. The salary is decent. My coworkers are pretty cool. I get to interact with a sexy genius from time to time- you know, the usual that comes with being employed by the government.

I started as a technical analyst for the BAU a few months prior, working alongside the one and only Penelope Garcia with assisting the rest of the team behind some computer screens. Coding and hacking is second nature to me so the job is not too difficult. It was either this or facing some years in jail because I couldn’t cover my tracks fast enough. Looking at mangled and mutilated bodies on a weekly basis is better than prison.

I get along rather well with the team. I pretty much call everyone by a term of endearment, much to Garcia’s delight. It was one of the things we had in common and helped us get along with one another much faster. I sometimes can get carried away with the innuendos, but Garcia welcomes everything I say with open arms.

I typically save my more sensual remarks for the doctor. I remember the good old days when he used to be so tongue-tied by my actions. Now my words barely surprises him.

A voice broke my concentration. “What got you thinking so hard, angel?” I turn towards the person, a smile already adorning my face. Lo and behold, Dr. Spencer Reid has graced me with his delectable presence.

“Would you believe me if I said that I was thinking of you Doc?” He had a small smile on his face. I could pretty much categorize all the smiles he uses because of how often I stare at him. I mean, it is a tragedy to not stare at such beauty. This particular smile means that he is content and comfortable.

“May I ask exactly what it was that you were thinking about?” he asked. 

“I cannot share the sordid details of my mind with you just yet darling. You’ll just have to use that beautiful mind of yours and conjure up something imaginative.”

He let out a small laugh and helped me carry the files I was juggling. My eyes immediately went to his hands. The things I’ll let those hands do to me. I bet only one is needed to perfectly wrap around my -- No bitch, focus. We got a case to present in five minutes. Right, right. Work now, daydream later.

We entered the conference room, where the rest of the team was already sitting at the round table, waiting for us. I gave out the files with Spencer’s help while Penelope started up the monitor.

“You guys are staying local but time is of the essence” she informed us. The TV lit up with four pictures of young boys. “We have a kidnapping case at Stafford County.”

“Were they kidnapped at the same time or place?” asked JJ as she skimmed over the report I handed out earlier.

“No” I said as I pointed to the two younger boys on the screen. “Jacob Rivers and David Hall were taken from their respective homes 48 hours ago” I then pointed to the two slightly older boys “Benjamin Harris was taken 12 hours ago at a park and Scott Turner was taken from the mall less than 6 hours ago.”

“Do these boys have anything in common?” Morgan asked out loud.

“Other than physical appearance and age group, these boys don’t have any similarities. They didn’t even go to the same school. As a matter of fact, David Hall was home-schooled.” replied Garcia.

“Garcia and I couldn’t find any common ground in the families’ educational, economic, or social backgrounds either” I added. “Once you guys take off, we’ll do a further dive into their personal histories.”

“The UnSub is already escalating, kidnapping from a private home and kidnapping from a crowded area within hours of each event is fairly drastic” Rossi stated.

“Maybe the Unsub is on a time frame? They could be feeling pressured and desperate” Emily questioned, trying to come up with some kind of initial profile.

Hotch already started standing up. “We’ll know more after analyzing the crime scenes and talking to local PD. Let’s head out.” The rest of the team followed, gathering their files and making an exit towards the door while Garcia headed for our office. Spencer lagged behind a bit and I already knew why. We have a little tradition of bidding farewell to one another before he takes off for a case.

I stood next to him, bumping my shoulder against his upper arm. “Don’t miss me too much while you are out there.”

“The more you remind me I have to leave, the more I want to stay here.” he grinned.

I snorted at his words, knowing that he was full of shit. There is nothing more that Reid loves than being out in the field. “Go be a hero and come back to me in one piece pretty boy.”

“Yes Ma’am.” he replied as he went to follow the team towards the elevator.

I swear that boy is immune to my teasing now. I miss seeing his face become flush, but I also enjoy the playful repartee we have now. I remember the first interaction I had with Spencer quite vividly. It truly was a comical moment.

 “Everyone this is (Y/N) (Y/L/N). She will be working alongside Garcia.” Hotch stated as he introduced me to the team. I have already met him and Penelope prior to being presented to everyone else.

“Derek Morgan, pleasure to meet you.” Whoa. If tall, dark, and handsome was a person, Morgan would be fit for the role. He offered his hand, which I immediately took.

“The pleasure is all mine” I replied with a wide smile.

I directed my attention to a much older gentleman. “David Rossi” said the Italian man who reminded me of a mob boss.

“Charmed to meet you.” I shook his hand, surprised by the strength behind it. Those older bones are still working for him.

Next came the petite blonde, whose figure I was both envious and enamored with. “Jennifer Jareau, but everyone here calls me JJ for short.”

“In that case, please call me (Y/N/N).” I shook her hand, and became even more envious with how soft her skin was. She has got to tell me her secrets.

I focused on the brunette with shoulder-length hair. “Emily Prentiss”. My God, I think being attractive is a requirement for this team. She offered her hand to shake and her grip was firm. Note to self, forget about Rossi; don’t get on Emily’s bad side.

“Nice to meet you.”

I turned to the final individual and was blown away by his beauty. Yup, my previous thought has been confirmed. Only good-looking people are allowed pass these doors. His bone structure looked like it was sculpted by Roman artists. His body was lean and slender, reminding me of a runner’s physique. My eyes stared up to the softest hazel eyes I have ever seen.

“Dr. Spencer Reid.” he introduced. I offered my hand immediately, wanting to feel his skin against mine.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N), but you already knew that,” I said softly, my hand still out. He just stared at it as if it was an anomaly.

“Uh-the amount of pathogens passed through a handshake is astounding. A high five transmit half the number. But even then, a kiss is much more safe.” he quickly stated as he nodded his head. I almost didn’t catch any of it. Partially because of the rapid speech, partially because I was staring at his lips.

“Hmm, that’s news to me. However, if a kiss is what you want…” I lowered my hand and took a step closer to him. My eyes slowly moved from his eyes to his mouth and then back up. He took a slight step back.

“N-N-No, that’s not—I-I mean that —uhh...” His face was flushed and his tongue shot out to run against his lips. His eyes quickly darted across the room, seeking some help. I felt a sense of pride knowing I made this man flustered.

“I’m just teasing Doc.” If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was frightened by me. Maybe he was, but the blush on his face and the way he kept staring gave me further information on him.

“Don’t mind Reid,” Morgan said, coming to the young man’s rescue. “He has a thing with germs.” He finished, a smirk plastered on his face. Well, I hope he soon develops a thing for something else. Or rather someone else.  

I was just about to make another sly comment when Hotch interrupted. “Back to the case at hand.” He gave us all a pointed look. Right, I am at my first day at work. I’ll focus on hot doctors with hotter smiles and the hottest face at my own time.

“Yes sir,” Garcia stated, as she started pushing buttons on a remote. The TV turned on and pictures of three different women showed up on the screen. They all looked to be strangled to death. “You guys are needed in Toledo, Ohio.” Garcia goes on to describe the case while the team starts the early stages of conducting a profile.

“Wheels up in 30.” Hotch says and the everyone disperses. Garcia walked up to me and handed me some documents from the case file.

“C’mon cupcake, we gotta do some preliminary work to get the case going much faster.” I followed her to what she called the “bat cave”. I scanned the small room and immediately fell in love. Computers and monitors littered almost every inch of the place. I saw a lot of colorful knickknacks displayed on one side of the desk, knowing already who they belonged to. The area was endearing and had a cozy feel to it.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding. This place is a dream come true.” I am sure she can hear the awe in my voice.

“I know, right. Wait until you actually use it girlie, the framework on these things is out of this world.” I sat myself on a chair nearby and rolled in front of a screen.

“Alrighty. You can do some background checks on these girls while I gather more information from the police reports. Let me know if there are any commonalities among any of them. We’ll relay that info with the team.”

“Gotcha babe, I’ll have the information ready ASAP.” I responded, already typing away on the computer. I’m already starting to like it here.

*Later that day*

Garcia and I haven’t found much in common between the victims of the crimes, much to our dismay. I was left in the office to continue searching for important information on the girls while she went to fax some data to the precinct when the phone started to ring.

I quickly answered and put it on speaker. “(Y/L/N) at your humble service. How may I serve you?”

“Oh-uh is Garcia around” replied a high-pitched voice, which I immediately recognized as Reid. I don’t know whether or not I should be insulted that he wanted Penelope or pleased that I probably still have him flustered.

“She’s a bit pre-occupied at the moment. But rest assured I can find whatever you need Doc. Especially if you ask nicely.”

“Uh-I need you to pull up information on the mothers. We think they were all in the same sorority, however not necessarily at the same time. We need a list of all the members of the sorority from the time the mothers joined with a 3-year pre- and post-graduation.”

“No problemo sweetness. Anything else I can do for you? I have a lot of other services that can be helpful.” I stated, a teasing tone in my voice as I already set up my search.

“No-no, that’s all. Um thanks.” I can already picture the blush coating his cheeks as he stammered his response.

“Alright love, call me back if you need anything. Or if you change your mind.” I hung up the phone and started organizing the list in front of me.

 And from then on, I have enjoyed pretty much all the moments I had with the BAU. It took some time, but Spencer now has accepted and even returned my little flirtations.  We often get compared to Garcia and Morgan. But with a lot more sexual tension, at least on my end. I have to remind myself from time to time to calm down before I combust in the middle of a conference room or the bullpen. C'est la vie.

I made my way to the cavern of all things amazing and settled in front of my computers. Pen looked at me with a knowing expression on her face. “You’re gloomy.”

I pouted as I put my earpiece on. “I am not gloomy, I am horny,” I rebuked.

“How long has it been since you got some?”

“I’m not sure but it feels like I have not gotten any since the Stone Age,” I groaned out.

“I don’t know why you don’t just tell him how you feel,” she pointed her pink glittery pen in my direction, “I bet he would fuck you right here if you let him.”

And there goes my thought process, as always, overtaken by Spencer Reid. “Babe, please. This is not helping my situation.”

“Just telling you how it is.”

●●●

We have been sitting in front of these screens for hours. The team has made some progress but they’re missing an important piece to fit the puzzle. Garcia has been looking into the background of the neighbors when I heard a small stomach grumble coming from her direction. I let out a laugh as she huffed out “I am going to grab a snack from the breakroom, you want anything boo?”

“If it ain’t alcohol or chocolate, I don’t want it.”

“Noted,” she said as she left the room. I really hope she finds a couple of cupcakes or something.

I continued trying to get information on these missing kids when my headpiece played the Doctor Who theme song, informing me that Einstein was calling in. “Goddess of knowledge and wisdom at your disposal.”

“I didn’t know I had Athena at my fingertips.” How is it possible that nine words have short-circuited my brain just now? Is it the voice or the way he basically called me a Greek Deity? Probably both.

Of course I slyly responded, “Oh my Hephaestus, you have all of me at your fingertips.” I heard a chuckle and I immediately knew it belonged to Morgan. A slight blush crept onto my cheeks when I heard a random voice asking why Spencer called his girlfriend in the middle of a case.

“I should have mentioned that you were on speakerphone.”

“Naughty boy, you know I charge extra for groups.” Now this was followed by some choked out noises and a bunch of giggles. I could only assume the whole precinct was amused by my antics at this point. 

“Can you ever forgive me?”

“I can, for a price.”

“A price?”

“Yes, a price that I would inform you of in private. Now the reason for your call…” I drew out. Thank goodness Garcia wasn’t here. I don’t need her looking at me as if I am a phone sex operator.

“I need you to check foster children between the ages of four and eight within a 25-mile radius. We are looking for a homosexual couple that were looking to adopt but were rejected. The names should be on multiple applications among different sites. Let me know what you find.”

“I’ll have that information at the palm of your hands soon” Meanwhile, I am over here wishing that I was at the palm of his hands.

“Thank you, my Goddess” I can’t help but smile when he says things like this. Since when were the roles reversed in our friendship?

“Anything for a gorgeous worshipper. TTYL.”

Garcia chose that moment to walk back in while I had this silly grin on my face. She stared at me and I already knew what she was going to say.

“If you don’t have a piece of chocolate or a cocktail on you, I am not talking.”

All she did was laugh at me.

●●●

The team was able to find all four boys safely. The UnSubs were a male couple who wanted to adopt but kept facing discrimination against the agencies. It is a shame that they felt they had to resort to kidnapping in order to have a family.

Now Garcia and I are scanning the notes the team faxed to us earlier today. They informed us that they would be back here in half an hour or so.

“Shoot, I didn’t think it would take this long to scan these damn files.” Garcia murmured.  I looked over at her and saw a small stack of documents that still needed to be put into the system.

I walked over and grabbed the pile from her. “Go, I’ll take care of it from here doll.”

“Are you sure? I feel bad. You did your portion of the work already.”

“Don’t you have to be at the rehearsal in 20 minutes? How is the theater going to operate without their main lead?” I placed the documents on my side of the desk and moved to gather Garcia’s belongings.  I picked up her purse and jacket before handing it to her, quickly pushing her towards the door. “I got this, think of it as an IOU.”

“Yes, yes, yes, I owe you big. Thank you sugar, see you tomorrow.” Garcia hurriedly exited the door and headed towards the elevator. 

I looked towards the papers, a low groan leaving my mouth. The faster I go through this, the better.

●●●

I was just finished implementing all the documents into the computer when I heard a knock at the door. I turned around and saw Spencer’s head peeking through. “Evening handsome, to what do I owe this visit?”

“Garcia passed by me a while ago and informed me you were in here finishing some extra work. I wanted to check on you; see if you needed my help.”

“Thanks Doc, but you’re a few minutes too late. I already finished scanning the files. Besides, you’re not the best with technology, much less these computers.”

“Maybe not. But I am a fast learner and I pay close attention to detail.” Either my ears were playing a trick on me or Spencer’s voice lowered an octave or two.

I remembered what Penelope said earlier today and decided to just go for it. “I could collect on that price from earlier.” I leaned against the desk and stared into his eyes. C’mon Doc, pick up the hint. Rather, pick me up instead.

“Well I was thinking that I can get you dinner.” he said, a hint of excitement in his voice.

That’s great, but not what I had in mind. “I was hoping for something else” I looked into his eyes, then slowly trailed my eyes downwards. Kiss me. Kiss me. Touch me. Lick me. Fuck me. Kiss me.

Unfortunately, Spencer is not a mind reader. He lowered his head and looked slightly dejected. “Oh well umm—would you prefer to go to a theater?” Oh Doc, you sexy, naïve, intelligent, innocent man. I guess if you want something you have to do it yourself.

I sat on the edge of my desk. “Come here Spencer.”

His head perked up, slightly intrigued since I rarely call him by his name. He walked to where I was sitting but there was still space between us.

“Closer, I don’t bite.” Unless you want me to.

He moved closer to me and I was able to rest my hands on his shoulders. Thankfully the height of the table let us be more at level with one another.

I made sure to look into his eyes as I said “I am going to kiss you. If that isn’t something you want, tell me now.”

He was speechless. His mouth was moving but no sounds came out. If the circumstances were different I would have appreciated seeing his rattled expression once more. I waited a few seconds, but he still has yet to say anything.

“Spen-mmh” before I knew it, his mouth was upon mine. He gently cradled my face as his lips moved against my own. My eyes closed as I felt nothing but bliss. As cliché as it sounds, I was in paradise because of this kiss alone.

His tongue peeked and swiped against my lower lip, trying to have a taste of me. I was more than happy to grant him entrance, a moan leaving my body as his tongue touched mine.

All parts of me were trying to feel him. I had one hand in his hair while the other grabbed onto the back of his shirt. My chest was pressed against his while my legs lazily wrapped around his midsection. His scent was intoxicating to me. It was a coffee-like smell as if he just walked out of a café. He tasted so sweet, all I wanted to do was keep his mouth on mine. But my body needed air so I slowly pulled away.

He tried to catch his breath as his forehead rested against mine. “So you don’t want dinner?”

“Doc the only thing I am hungry for right now is you. We’ll get food afterward, alright?” Spencer nodded his head while licking his lips. My eyes hungrily followed the action and I just had to get another taste. I pulled him towards me, his hands once again holding onto my face. He was much more dominant with this kiss, and I was more than willing to give him the control. His hands then trailed down to my hips and pulled me closer to his pelvis. I jerked against him and was rewarded with a groan.

He squeezed me tighter as his lips broke away from mine once more. He placed a peck on my lips, then my cheek before trailing down my neck. I felt my body heat up as I released a small moan. Fucking hell, he is going to be the death of me and we barely did anything.

Spencer started to lightly nibble on my neck when I pulled him back by his hair. “It is summer and I am not wearing a turtleneck in 80° weather. If you’re gonna give me some hickeys, they better be on my chest.” He murmured something that I couldn’t quite comprehend before undoing the buttons of my blouse.

Hell, I am not the only one who is gonna be undressed so I started unbuttoning his dress shirt as well. It was a race to see who would get the other’s shirt off first. Of course I lost because my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. But when his warm lips kissed their way towards the middle of my cleavage, I felt like a fucking champion.

I tried my best to shimmy out of the sleeves of my blouse while Spencer attempted to take my bra off, his lips still leaving a love mark against my chest. Once we got rid of the shirt and the bra, his mouth immediately enveloped one of my nipples.

“Fuck” I yelped loudly, “a little warning next time Doc.”

“Sorry” he muttered as he continued to suck on my breast while palming the other between his dexterous fingers. That had to be the most insincere apology I have ever heard from him. An idea came across my head. I slowly removed his shirt, watching it pool on the floor. I then raked the nails of one hand across his chest while the other pulled against his hair. Hard. He retaliated by lightly biting my nipple. Fuck, the plan backfired. Abort mission, abort the damn mission.

Spencer let out a small chuckle as he pulled away from my breast, an audible pop leaving his mouth. My hands went to his face and I moved him up to look at me. His eyes were dilated and his mouth was swollen. His face was flush and he was taking deeper breaths than usual. He looked so beautiful like this.

He had a dorky smile on his face and I realized that I said the words out loud. I felt my face heat up fast and he swiftly commented “I’d never thought I’d see you be so thrown off because of me.”

He rested his hands against either side of the desk and just looked at me. “Shut up and kiss me.” I hissed, already missing the warmth of his skin against mine.

“Where do you want me to kiss you?” he asked. I was about to reply when he interrupted “Do you want me to kiss you on your lips? Or maybe you want me back on those beautiful breasts of yours?”

Have mercy on me, I never believed Spencer Reid could make me so wet just with his words. Sure, I thought of it, but I didn’t believe it would happen to me.

“Maybe you want me to go lower. Should I place my lips on that pussy of yours?��� Oh my fuck, I never want this moment to end. I nodded my head so quickly, I could have sworn I given myself whiplash.

“I want to hear you say it,” he breathed out.

“Yes, yes, please. I want you to eat my pussy. Please.” I begged. Dignity be damned.

“That’s my good girl” How is it possible that he went from the dorky adorable doctor to this assertive, stimulating specimen in a matter of minutes? I didn’t think he had a sensual bone in his body. But I am glad to be proven wrong.

Spencer lowered himself to his knees while I clumsily attempted to rid myself of my skirt and panties. I lifted my lower body up as he pulled the clothing off of me. Penelope would have a field day if she knew that I was sitting butt naked on the desk with Spencer Reid between my legs. Hell, I am having a field day knowing this.

Spencer, being the teasing bastard that he has been for the past few minutes, started kissing my legs first. “That’s not where I said I wanted you to kiss me” I huffed out.

“Hush” was all he said as he continued the slow trail up, making sure to alternate between each leg. I was already breathing as if I have ran a marathon, my patience was waning at this point. Finally, he made his way to where I needed him most. He put his hands on my thighs and pushed them further apart.

My hands landed on top of his head, playing with the curls. “You’re comfortable down there Doc?” I snickered, loving the sight of his head between my legs. All he did was nip my inner thigh harshly. I shrieked at the action. I’m starting to think this man has a tiny biting fetish.

I wasn’t ready for when his tongue parted my folds. I squeaked as he teasingly lapped the arousal that had formed the second he walked into the room. I tried rolling my hips but his hands made me stay put on the desk. I never knew he could hold me down like this. I couldn’t even be mad because the pleasure he was giving me was incredible.

Spencer continued to tease me, his tongue never going where I needed it most. He made sure to explore as much as possible as leisurely as possible. “Spencer, please” I cried out. He let out a small hum, the vibration causing a shiver to rack my body.  

His tongue finally entered me, much to my delight. No amount of imagination could have ever prepared me for the things this appendage can do to me. He continued this soft, flat movement that was driving me crazy. My hands tightened in his hair, hoping he would go a bit faster.

“You taste so good princess, I don’t want this to end.”

“That’s my Queen to you” I jested. He didn’t like that since he responded with a resounding smack against my outer thigh. Ouch, note to self, Spencer doesn’t like being teased during sexy times. Hmm. On second thought, continue to tease Spencer during sexy times.

I felt his finger probe my entrance, moving up and down before pushing inside of me. I let out a distressing whine as he started slowly moving his finger in and out of me, curling as he did so. His mouth was on my clit, sucking and kissing it as if he has done so all his life.

My body started heating up and trembling. I tried, and failed, to roll my hips against the movement. “Spe-Spencer” I wailed. He didn’t relent.

Spencer entered a second finger into me as his tongue gave small, flickering motions against my bundle of nerves. I had to move one hand to my mouth to prevent any loud noises from being heard outside the room. Shit, did we even lock the door?

That thought immediately left my mind as my core started to tighten. Spencer must have known that I was getting close to my orgasm because he moved his fingers more diligently within me. I felt his fingers curl as they pulled out, I felt his tongue lick thoroughly against my pearl, I felt my ecstasy rising within me. It took one more deep press of his fingers and a harsh suck for me to come all over his face. I bit down on my fingers as I moaned out loud.

“That was so much better then what I imagined” I panted out, the words barely coming out comprehensible. I had a giant smile decorating my face.

He pulled his face up, a smug grin gracing his face. “Is this what you were thinking about earlier this morning?” he taunted. I couldn’t even give him a smartass remark because I was too busy trying to come back to reality. He pulled his fingers out and held them in front of my face.

“Open” he ordered. I complied and he pushed his fingers inside of my mouth. “You look so pretty when you follow instructions well. See how good you taste.”

I pulled my head back, taking his fingers out of my mouth. “I bet I taste a lot better on that tongue of yours.”

He tangled his hand in my hair and pulled me to a kiss. I immediately opened and welcomed his tongue against mine. I was right, I do taste better on him. I let out a deep moan and pulled away far enough to gently bite down on his lower lip.

He looks at me, that devilish tongue of his running against his lower lip before entering my mouth once again. With his lips still on mine, he picked me up and move to sit on my desk chair. It was nothing short of a miracle that we managed not to fall on the floor.

I placed my hand on top of his erection through his slacks and he drew a quick intake of breath. I started palming him as I grinded myself against him. I pulled back as I whispered, “I need you, Spencer”.

“Y’know this is the most I have heard you call me by my name in any given moment we have been together.” He unzipped his slacks and pushed down his pants and boxers as much as he could with me on top of him.

I looked down, finally being able to see his cock. Is it possible to get aroused further through sight alone? Because I think I creamed myself again. God, I wish I could show him my oral skills, but we’ll save that for another time.

“Would you rather I call you by something else?” I asked, attempting to move my lower body so that it can align with his cock. I say attempt because Spencer currently had his hands on my thighs again.

“No, I like the way my name sounds as you moan it out. Don’t hide your pleasure from me this time.” He maneuvered my legs to rest upon the armrest on either side of the chair, leaving my pussy wide open for him.

I gave him an incredulous look. “Are you forgetting that we are at work?”

He started rubbing the tip of his cock against my lower lips. “I didn’t forget. I just don’t fucking care.” And with that, he slowly penetrated me.

We both groaned at the intrusion. He gradually started entering me as I adjusted to his size. Inch by inch, he gave me all of him until he was buried to the hilt.  I took a moment to savor the feel of Spencer inside of me before I started grinding against him. He took that as a hint to begin thrusting.

He started slow, taking his time and having us enjoy the feeling of one another. “Your cunt is so fucking tight” he hissed into my ear and I gave out a loud whine.

“That’s because you have such a big cock, Doc” I managed to moan out. He smacked my ass before grabbing each cheek tightly in his hands. “I want you to call me by my name” he grits out.

“Spencer, baby please give it to me. I’ve been waiting for this Spencer, I’ve been waiting for you.” He started kissing my neck once more and my eyes started to closed. I wanted to focus on the pleasure he was giving me.

He tightly grabbed me, moving my hips along with his thrusts. I was close to being pushed over the edge once more. The only sounds occupying the room were our moans and skin smacking against skin as we chased our pleasure.

“Open your mouth” I heard him say. I opened my eyes to see his thumb positioned over my lips. I let out a small whimper as I sucked his digit earnestly. I made sure to coat his finger with a lot of saliva, knowing exactly what he was going to do with it when it was out of my mouth.

He pulled his thumb out and immediately placed it on my clit. I gave out an embarrassingly loud sob as he started moving his finger against me in soft circular motions. I placed my lips on his neck, trying to muffle the noise coming out of my throat.

Spencer quickly grabbed my hair and pulled my head away as he started to slow down. “How many times do I have to tell you that I want to hear your pleasure?” In that moment, Spencer controlled my mind, body, and soul.

“I’m sorry Spencer. I’ll be your good girl, please don’t stop.” He returned back to the previous pace and thrust into me even harder. We both started chasing our orgasms, not being able to hold back any longer. He was pounding into me relentlessly and I was loving it. I am sure that I am going to be sore after this.

“Come for me (Y/N), I want to feel this tight cunt squeeze around my cock.” Say less, I am already ahead of you. My eyes were rolling to the back of my head and I felt my pussy pulsate around him. With one last motion against his thumb, I cried out his name multiple times as I climaxed.  

Spencer whispered my name as he continued pushing into me, chasing his own orgasm. He thrust a couple more times before quickly pulling out, spilling himself over my stomach. I panted as I laid my head against the crook of his neck. His fingers thrummed a slow rhythm upon my lower back.

“So about that dinner... do you want to get Indian food?”

“Yeah, I can go for some samosas right now.”

[doktorpeace]

🖊 please introduce us to Erato, I know they're in a masks campaign but I have no idea what else

Oh, gosh, I feel like I talk about them too much as is but I can’t say I’m not glad to have the excuse. This is gonna be really long cause tbh I’m just gonna dump like, a bunch of their lore lmao.

Erato is my Masks: A New Generation character in a campaign being played alongside @twerkyvulture (As Amanda ‘Megafauna’ Ghorbani, The Transformed) @draayder (as Josephine ‘Rattlesnake’ Short, The Reformed) @spitblaze (as Les ‘Void’ Hawking, The Doomed) @heedra (as Enid ‘Frag Beetle’ Day, The Scion) and @skarchomp (as Parker ‘Cobalt’ Andrews, The Legacy) with @dykeceratops as our GM. The current arc features @mechanicalriddle as Zoe, The Nova as a guest member. Here’s a group shot done by @tredlocity. Clockwise from the top left: Cobalt in blue, Erato in the track suit, Les in the cloak, Zoe with the mismatched eyes, Enid’s the big robot, Amanda’s got the scales and claws, and Josephine’s got the mask and tonfa.

To get back to Erato specifically though they’re an Anti Metahuman/Metahuman Suppression Weapon created by the in universe tech group Wright Industries, founded by Ingrid Day, Enid’s mom. They’re generally stronger, faster, and more durable than humans and can copy the superpowers of others for 5-10 minutes by touching them thanks to what is basically a meta-stem cell transplant interacting with other parts of their systems. (Also, I 100% swear to god that I did not consider ‘Robot Hero Who Copies The Powers Of Others’ is literally fucking Mega Man despite loving Mega Man a ton until after I had hashed out the concept with my GM’s assistance. Only once Abby said ‘oh like mega man’ I was like ‘wait, shit’.) I’ll tell you some about them as a person before unloading their history onto you, lol. Being an android built for combat and kept in an underground research lab, kept on a rigid schedule, constantly taking tests, physical, mental, written, oral, ethical, etc. etc. etc. and under constant supervision Erato lacked for real interactive experience before the campaign started only really ever getting to takl with authority figures and their sisters. They were very passive and observational, owing in part to their power set requiring a lot of adaptation to make the most of. They’re naive and very bad at exercising discretion in decision making, sometimes they overstep boundaries when talking with people without meaning to, and they’re really emotional! They have trouble dealing with strong emotions cause they haven’t managed to discover coping mechanisms that work well for them, they tend to get angry kind of easily and need time to blow off steam. But they’re also very genuine, honest, and well meaning. They are almost never mean, rude, or snippy, they do their best to do well by others, and have a strong sense of justice paired with a deep distrust and dislike of the current legal system in universe. This is in part due to the conditions of their creation (and in part because the intent behind it was kind of right!) and in part due to Enid’s life being threatened by a representative of the state while they and their teammates were in jail after being arrested following a huge brawl with an anti-methuman terrorist group. They’re also very willing to put forth the effort to improve as a person and to mend relationship wounds, almost always apologizing first to Enid when they fight and genuinely trying to work in advice and feedback they get from others, which they often get from Les and Parker. They’re also relatively educated, from the tests of their creators, from home and public schooling, from personal research, but that doesn’t undo their naivety. They also just straight up lack some very basic and/or common sense knowledge. Like, they don’t know what a bear is. Why would you teach a battle android working in a densely populated, extremely built up city about wild animals? All in all they’re kind of inexperienced and immature and make mistakes a lot but they’re (usually) very willing to admit their mistakes and to try and improve and get better. They genuinely and truly want what’s best for others and are learning to value them self as much as their teammates. They’ve also taken it upon them self to start doing humanitarian work in their free time over the summer. In a fight Erato is adaptive and quick witted but tends to put themself in more danger than is necessary. They also sometimes use more extreme force than the others believe is called for, but after the first time they did they and Parker had a real heart to heart about it, Les helped Erato learn and practice some coping, centering, behaviors they could do even under pressure and Erato did their best to adapt. That said they Fucking Hate The Keeper So God Damned Much Because Of How Much Suffering He’s Caused Their Friends And How Much Danger He Presents And Would Kill Him With No Remorse. So they don’t intend to apologize for ripping his arms off whatsoever. They and their sisters, collectively known as The Muse Units, were made to work as a group and as a proof of concept that atomized units could replace traditional police for use against metahuman criminals and to slowly phase out The Registry, the legal department which handles general metahuman based laws. If successful the units could be mass produced and improved upon, rapidly replacing current, error prone, law enforcement. At the time of their development, between late 1999 for blueprint drafting and until mid 2002 when the project was shut down, they were the cutting edge for AI development aided in no small part by Ingrid’s technokinetic powers allowing her to make advancements few others could. (As a note Erato’s body was finished being built in early 2001 but their unique personhood didn’t really come to fruition until February 18th, 2002, so that’s what I consider their ‘birthday’.) Ultimately, however, while a few of the Muses excelled some did not perform to expectations, the project fell behind schedule, investors lost interest, and a minor scandal involving a casualty happened, resulting in the project being shut down. The Muses were placed in indefinite storage, the data gained from their short existence used on other projects such and some of the tech advancements used to inform future decisions by the company. And it would have stayed that way, if not for the fact that in 2018 Ingrid Day was revealed to be The Locust in a conflict where Enid tried to defend her against a militia group who had been hired to take her down, being shot and presumably killed in the process. As The Locust she had been terrorizing Boston for over a decade trying to take it over and being involved in the deaths of over 70 people. (Which irl btw would make her like, the 8th most prolific confirmed serial killer of all time, Yikes!) Wright Industries, desperately needing to prove their hard stance against metahuman criminals and needing a PR stunt to deflect from their connection to their former CEO re-awakened Erato. They weren’t the most powerful or best performing of the Muses, but they were above average, obedient, and had an easy enough to monitor and control power set with little risk for property damage to boot, the perfect choice. Erato then took to the streets of Boston acting basically as a vigilante, following orders, stopping minor crimes, and sometimes working alongside the police. They attracted the attention of The Viceroy, a semi-retired 56 year old hero who never registered in spite of it being compulsory legally. They both have the ability to copy the powers of others, though he can just by sight, and he has body elasticity too. These make him durable and extremely adaptable, add to that his detective skills and he’s something of a local Boston legend. He took them in as his Protégé. Though they remained distant for quite some time with Erato still coming and going between his place and Wright Industries, having promised not to reveal his assistance to the doctors who Erato reported their work to. It was this way for about a year and a half before the campaign started and Erato began living with Viceroy full time, no longer wanting to go back to Wright Industries as they began to think more independently and consider what they wanted for them self more. During this time Erato had chance encounters with each of the other characters a few times as they also did minor vigilante work, peaking with a villain who is a member of Superhuman, an extremist pro-metahuman group, attacked the school that Josephine, Les, and Amanda all attend. After that incident Erato was prompted by Viceroy to contact each of these other young potential heroes to form a team, The Upstarts. Additionally during this time Viceroy took in Enid who had been abandoned by her biological father and had been getting bounced around foster care. Over time the three of them have become kind of a weird family, living in a warehouse full of cats with a couple of bedrooms grafted on and an ultra secret basement lair underneath full of advanced stuff Viceroy makes. Though Erato and Enid have definitely had their ups and down, more recently in the story (and we’ve been doing this campaign for well over a year now) they’ve been putting in serious effort to better their relationship and be good adoptive siblings to one another. I love their relationship a lot, they’re good kids.

That gets us up to the start of the campaign but hoo boy, I’ve been writing for like, an hour now. Since then Erato’s helped take down a nazi-aligned terrorist organization, they’ve got a boyfriend in their teammate, Les, and they’ve made friends outside of their core group of teammates. They’ve also enrolled in school doing well on some classes and poorly in others, namely learning how to Code and Woodworking. Currently they’re at a sleep away summer camp for superpowered kids called Camp Justice, about 10 miles outside of Boston. They really, really hate it there. Constant supervision, being made to do tests, things scheduled out against their will, inability to leave the area? Yeah that certainly reminds them of something. The difference between it and school, which does share these features, is they wanted to go to school. They very much Did Not want to go to camp. As a result they’re finally going to have to start facing the trauma they’ve got from their origin and also actually tell the others other than Les and Amanda about their sisters. Whiiiiich...Enid saw one of them disassembled and showed off in parts at a school science fair display set up by Wright Industries to gauge interest in students. And she hasn’t mentioned this to Erato...for 4 months Uh Oh! Lastly, here’s my tag I use mostly for art I make of them, it includes some texts posts and picrew dumps too though, lol. Feel free to look!

[callistochan87]

Like shooting fish in a barrel. I’ve become the artist 14-year-old me would have bugged to draw her characters for free requests (sidebar: is that even still a thing? Man, times were so different then, the idea of just...doing art. For free. Without anything in return, it was wild.)

The original is dated ‘02 and I specified my age as 14 (I edited my big-ass real name signature out of all these pictures) so it had to have been before December, when I would’ve turned 15. This is obviously a picture from Goddess Power!, which, despite being babby’s first derivative Sailor Moon clone, still holds a nostalgic piece of my heart in some way. Maybe it’s because that was when I was on MediaMiner, not DeviantArt, and so when that went under, I lost all of my pictures, which were mostly digitally-coloured in those days. I still have the original line arts, but I see them and only vaguely remember how they looked in colour, because I wasn’t very familiar with things like “backups” or “saving my pictures anywhere else besides my computer hard drive,” which obviously can fail, or have things be lost when I moved computers, etc.

If you look up the original website on the web archive, the link is still there, but clicking on it just brings up...I dunno, it wasn’t an error page, it was just one of those spammy redirect pages, because clearly something got wonky somewhere. I think MediaMiner still exists, which is nothing short of a miracle these days, but besides the numerical ID used in the URL, which brings up absolutely nothing (I’ve tried) I can’t seem to find any of my artwork any more. it’s likely no longer on the servers.

So when I find something that is more than a lineart, and is a rare piece of traditional art, it’s nice. There’s only one other major one that I can think of that exists, and that was...er...six years ago that I redrew it, wtf?

(Sidebar, Part 2: I’ve been occasionally working on describing some audio holdings for work from home material, most of which were oral history interviews, and for a while I was getting frustrated they weren’t giving us any actual dates, because RAD requires actual dates, not relational dates like, “Oh, I moved there just before my son was born,” or, “Well, this happened...and then that was around the time my father died,” etc. Then I try to think back on my own life and I can’t remember when Goddess Power! was active, if it was before or concurrent with Black Cloud Over Hogwarts, and I realize I am really not any better, and also my memory is shit. Also according to Wayback Machine, GP! was around, oh ~August 2002 to...sometime early 2003 was when I think I gave up on it. Essence in the Heart wouldn’t start until...what, August 2003? See, my mind tells me that sounds right, but I’d have to look it up.)

Anyway, GP! (yes, the exclamation mark was part of the title) was a blatant ripoff of Sailor Moon. I think I got virtual brownie points (because site reviewers etc. were like A Thing then) because I didn’t even bother trying to integrate her into SM canon, I think I literally said it was an AU where Sailor Moon didn’t exist, the end, because I could not be bothered to try and write the canon characters with their canon personalities. This both shows that my love of labelling things AUs goes way back, and also I apparently wasn’t super big into the ‘fan’ part of fanfic.😂

This being a blatant ripoff of Sailor Moon, Sailor Callisto obviously had a tragic past life as a tragic princess who ded somehow, except I don’t think I ever got far enough to reveal her name--if she even had one--so it’s been lost to time. I called the scans “Princess Callisto 2002/2020″ so Princess Callisto seems as good a name as any. She has basically Serenity’s dress because Serenity’s dress was pretty. The manga’s was prettier, but I shudder to try and tackle that detail even now (even with using the original Dior dress as reference!) so lol no way in hell would I have done it at 14.

Unlike before I didn’t copy it 1:1, I tried to make that weird beading work (that I’m pretty sure I ‘borrowed’ from one or two other people’s designs that I liked) but...like, look at it, what does it attach to??? I wound up instead doing something similar, clearly inspired by, but also not exact. You still get the loops, except they’ve been more modelled after this necklace I found:

Except lower-cut because we can’t have cleavage with a high cut dress now can we? And everything sort of spiralled from there. I don’t know what I was doing with that fluttery thing in the background, I just didn’t like the bow so I guess it’s part of the sash now? (Sidebar: I remember being so stoked when I figured out how to draw that swooshy big-ass Super Sailor Moon-style bow, so stoked) Sailor Callisto’s colours were blue (in roughly that shade) and silver, so I tried to incorporate both, as well as simplify things (that tiara had...too much going on, so I thought, what if I make the wings the tiara? Concepts gets across and it looks less weird). I mean it’s still a mess of a design, but like, it looks a bit cleaner now.

I think that staff held some sort of Ginzuishou knockoff, Something-zuishou, because every magical crystal in fandom seemed to be called that (to be fair, the -zuishou was used for multiple crystals as well, so the use is somewhat canon.)

And yes, technically I should have done this in coloured pencil, but coloured pencil makes a mess of dust and smudges all over my desk that I didn’t feel like wiping down/cleaning up after, so marker it is. So you don’t need to point that out. I already said it’s not a 1:1 copy. 😛

Also I don’t know what’s going on with the original there--one of two options: some of my pictures have pencil outlines around them, and if I remember right I used those as markers to crop the image after scanning. I don’t think that’s it in this case though--too uneven.

The only other option is that my brother used to sometimes vandalize my art like this (there is a very large sketchbook that I have never used that still bears marks of him: he coloured in the letters on the cover and then wrote his name on it), and given the repetitive and simple nature of the marks I’m guessing that’s it. If I was 14 going on 15, he would’ve been 7 going on 8 and I don’t know, the autism made him like repetitive things--also it’s easier to draw. That’s the only other thing I can think of. There are a handful of other background attempts on some of my pictures but they’re not quite this uneven so...sorry bro, you’re getting the blame for this one.

Still better than my friends at school. I used to draw characters in long dresses like this, with the idea that their feet were hidden under the huge gown. They’d ask why the lady didn’t have any feet and then take my planner (where I did these doodles) and draw big goofy feet sticking out from the bottom. You know, when they weren’t just straight-up defacing them (I vaguely remember one of them turning a random woman doodle into a dog lady because lolz)  I don’t have any of those planners any more so that bit of “art” hasn’t been preserved but...yeah honestly, in hindsight, that annoys me more than some random marks from my brother. At least he didn’t touch the content of the picture. 😂

[ohnohetaliasues]

Stones to Abbigale {Ch.5}

(Kat)

I still wanna die.

I sat alone in my room thinking about all that happened in the last day. As I slid deeper into thought a knock sounded at my door.

“Dinner’s ready James” my mom said.

I responded “Lentils again?”

This is also still not how you write or format dialogue.

She opened the door and looked at me with a blank facial expression “We have to talk, come to the table.”

As I left my room, I saw a man sitting at the table next to my sister. Trying not to be rude I said hello and he smiled responding loudly “Hello! Nice to meet you James!”

I asked my mom “So who is this gentleman?”

No teenager talks like this. At least no teenager I’ve met.

My mom responded, “Go ahead and sit down James.”

I slid out the old-fashioned second-hand store chair I always sat in at the table and waited for my mom to explain.

I don’t give a shit where you bought the chair or what style it is. Just say chair. Those details are unnecessary.

“This is Rick, the reason you haven’t seen much of him is because he lives on the other side of the mountains all the way in Spokane,” my mom said.

I smiled feeling slightly awkward and replied, “Oh, alright, cool.”

My sister immediately mocked me “Oh, cool mom duh! You’re such a dweeb James.”

There was no point in being that rude, Lisa.

Despite her bratty insult, I could see she too felt awkward about Rick being so spontaneously introduced to us and was just trying to distract.

Yeah, I agree, this is strange.

“Rick and I have been dating for quite a few months now and are starting to become quite serious” my mom said, clearly seeking our approval.

Rick added “So yeah, it’s really cool to finally meet you, your mom talks a lot about you”.

This...

This is the first this woman is telling her kids of this? She hasn’t told them she’s going to probably Spokane or somewhere in between for dates? They just don’t question it? This is bullshit.

I smiled and nodded while thinking about how odd it was my mom had never mentioned him.

Yeah, good to know I’m not the only one who thinks this is weird.

Rick proceeded to tell us stories about him hunting animals, his upper-level position at a construction company based out of Spokane and continued to remind us how happy he was to be meeting us. As far as I could see he wasn’t a bad guy but as usual, I didn’t expect much knowing most everyone puts on their friendliest mask for first impressions. I’m sure my sister was thinking pretty much the same thing I was, he wasn’t my mom’s first post-dad boyfriend.

My mom inquired, “So how’s your life going James?”

I replied “Fine.”

Rick asked, “Got a girlfriend?” I didn’t respond.

Why in the fresh hell is this the topic of conversation?

I just kept my head down, looking at my plate. My mom looked at me with a proud smile, “James is more of the mysterious type Rick, he doesn’t talk about his relationships.”

Oh, give me a goddamn break.

Rick then said “Oh yeah? Well if you find a lady half as good as your mom, I’d say you’re set.”

My sister interrupted “Aren’t you seeing that messed up emo chick James?”

There is no point in being that rude.

Looking over at my sister with a blank face I said, “Aren’t you seeing every guy at school Lisa?”

Oh my god. Why are you slut-shaming your sister?

Lisa looked horrified and my mom responded “James!”

Not knowing what else to say. Rick was the only one still smiling at the table at that point. Moderately upset by what Lisa said I asked to be excused and went to bed.

As I climbed on the bus the next day Davis hollered “Praise be to James! Our hero has arrived” I smiled as I always did. I hated loving his hilarious lines;

They aren’t hilarious. They’re just... Annoying.

they were kind of a tradition for Davis. Every time I stepped on the bus, he would yell them. Even when I wanted to be upset he always found a way past the walls I had built, knowing exactly what to say every time.

As I sat next to him he said, “I’ve been missing your face a lot Mr. James, I’m trying to figure out ways to compete with your skates.”

Compete?

What?

I smiled and said “You’re one of the only reasons I ride the bus Davis, you’re doing just fine.”

Davis then jumped up and yelled, “You hear that everyone, my best buddy thinks I’m pretty fantastic!”

I laughed, wishing to myself I had more friends like him.

Davis makes me want to die.

Also, that interaction was very stale, but moving on.

As I approached my history class, I could see Mr. Hanson waiting in the hall. I tried to walk by him unnoticed but he said, “Not so fast, you need to go see the guidance counselor.”

???

I asked why and he replied, “It’s about that fight you got in. Ms. Robertson is waiting.”

Okay fair.

I proceeded to the office where there was a line of three people ahead of me.

That isn’t a big line, bro.

It wasn’t due to bad scheduling, Ms. Robertson was just outmatched by the school population and considering she was the only person most students knew to get free condoms and/or advice from she was regularly seeing visitors.

Why does she give out condoms and not the nurse?

“James Patrick!” she said aggressively as I approached the old wood and glass door. I smiled out of politeness as she turned to the others and tossed a bundle of condoms in their direction.

“These are a last resort, abstinence first!” she said as she stood by the door waiting for me to enter.

One of the boys standing at the door said “I actually need advi...” but she slammed the door before he could finish speaking.

Okay. Don’t do your job I guess.

“Have a seat James,” she said. I sat down and the room filled with a few awkward seconds of silence.

She continued, “So it looks to me that you’re healing up ok.”

I replied confirming I was fine.

She then said “I’ve heard both sides of the story and have concluded that your friend Jason is destined for not so great things if he keeps up his attitude.”

My face remained still, emotionless really. I just sat silently listening. She asked, “What direction do you want to go with your future?”

I replied, “I’ve heard really great things about up.” It was like my joke hit a brick wall.

She seemed only sarcastically amused and continued speaking, “But seriously, I was told you turned down a TA position which I personally recommended to Mr. Hanson.”

I replied, “I just wanted to stay in art class.”

She replied “With Mrs. Stanley?”

I nodded and she laughed. “So who’s the girl?” she asked.

I was surprised that she concluded so quickly it was even about a girl. But then again I was just one of thousands of students, we like to think romance is unique, but we’re most all playing the same game.

Shut your mouth.

Also, I hate how Onion is trying so hard to make this a John Green novel.

It isn’t working.

Ms. Robertson had years dealing with people like me, no wonder she could see right through me.

For a brief moment, Ms. Robertson nearly spoke my mind, she said with a smirk, “Oh come on, lots of us like to think we’re special but that just of shows you how we really aren’t. Especially the brats walking these halls.”

Knowing Ms. Robertson had to keep our conversations private, I replied, “There’s this girl... Abbi. I really like her, and it’s the only class I have with her.”

Ms. Robertson was no longer smirking now that I told her who I was interested in. She sat up and looked down at her desk.

Oh no.

She moved some items around and stopped suddenly, she then looked me in the eyes and said  “Listen to me carefully, I can’t tell you anything about Abbi but I can give you advice, think twice about getting involved with her. I want to see you succeed and some people being a significant part of your life can make that difficult for you.”

I didn’t say anything, in that moment I was lost in thought wondering why she would become so serious over Abbi.

This should be good.

Ms. Robertson then asked, “So, I’m not going to try and change your heart, in my experience that’s more often than not a lost cause, but I can change your schedule to something that fits. Abbi has PE during third period, how about you just stick with Mr. Hanson after your first class of the day. Doing so will replace your art class, and your third period will now be PE, where you can see your precious Abbi.”

It said she asked, but nothing in that paragraph was a question.

While her attitude towards Abbi continued to concern me, I also was curious as to why both Ms. Robertson and Mr. Hanson were so adamant about having me be a TA, but I was grateful they were at least trying to work with me regarding my preferences, so I accepted the schedule change.

It’s so bizarre to me that Ms. Robertson told James to stay away from Abbi and then helped him rearrange his schedule to have more classes with her.

I returned to Mr. Hanson’s class and requested I attend art class one last time before the schedule change. Mr. Hanson agreed and I made my way over to the art trailer once more. As I walked in the trailer door I was happy to see Abbi once again sitting in the same seat she always did.

When I approached her to sit down she pulled out my backpack and shook it, “You’re backpack has a lot of interesting things in it.”

I replied “Oh really, you went through it?”

That’s really weird.

She responded “Yep! And by interesting things I mean nothing, just school junk.” I laughed and asked “Life’s got enough burdens for us to carry, why add physical weight?”

Oh my god my eyes are glazing the fuck over.

She raised her eyebrows and said “Ok smarty, did you like our bear?”

I smiled and replied, “I love it!” She threw her arms up and hugged me.

Why?

Physical contact?

Mrs. Stanley walked in, immediately seeing our hug and said, “If you’re going to suck or eat go find an alleyway. This is a trailer we have god damn dignity!”

s this...

A reference to oral sex?

It’s so poorly executed that I literally just thought of food and was confused.

Not knowing how to react, I looked over at Abbi silently mouthing “Oh my god” to me.

I smiled and sat down with Abbi. Alex walked in the room and gave me a glare, probably because his art partner was still suspended for the fight we had, which meant he had to do it alone. I tried to ignore Alex, all I could think of is that pee jar when I looked at him which still freaked me out.

I hate that that’s what you associate this douchebag with. Or that that is a part of this stupid book.

As class came to a close we gathered our things and began to walk out. “Bye Mrs. Stanley I’ll miss you.” Mrs. Stanley responded calling me the F word,

in her natural offensive fashion and gave the class an awkward, semi-shocked laugh.

Walking outside, Abbi asked, “Why do you think Mrs. Stanley still has a job?”

I replied “Pretty sure everyone feels they’ll guarantee themselves an eternity of torment in the afterlife if they were to fire someone as old as her.”

Abbi replied “Yeah, I guess it would be hard getting a job when you’re resume lists World War I nurse in your work history.”

:/

I laughed so hard I had to stop till I could control it, “Are you ok?” Abbi asked with a nervous smile on her face.

Still laughing, I said “Sorry, sorry.” and continued walking as Abbi looked at me, bewildered by how funny I thought she was. My reaction wasn’t really just about what she said, but the fact that she said it to me. I felt so important and excited when she gave me her attention.

I hate everything.

As we got closer to the gym Abbi was giving me a funny look, as I normally didn’t walk her that far, I said, “Don’t worry, I’m not stalking you, we have the same class now.”

She replied, “Manipulating your schedule to be with someone sounds like stalking Mr. Patrick.”

I said, “Not if you drop Mrs. Stanley.”

She pushed me playfully saying “Jealous!”

???

Jealous about what?

The boys split off to dress in their locker room and the girls did the same. I didn’t have gym clothes with me yet so I just sat down at the bleachers and waited for everyone else to get done putting on their uniforms.

It’s a thing at my school that if you don’t have gym clothes you will be provided with some, but maybe that’s just me.

A deep voice sounded off “What are you doing here kid?” I looked over to see a very tall man in the baggiest gym suit I’d ever seen.

“Hi, I’m James Patrick, I think I have your class now. You can clear it with Ms. Robertson.”

He smiled and said, “Well James Patrick, I’m your gym teacher Mr. Mack.”

I nodded and smiled as he bluntly asked, “You’re that kid who got beat up by Jason?”

I hate having to format this fucking story just to make it easier to read.

Onion, learn to format your own work.

I replied, “Yeah I pushed him after he pushed me and then he started throwing punches.”

He smiled and said “Well, that’s my nephew for you.”

Yikes.

I froze up and blankly stared at Mr. Mack as his words sank in. I swear I could feel my heart skip when I acknowledged his connection to Jason. Seeing the look on my face Mr. Mack continued

“Don’t worry, between you and me, kid’s a prick. Just like his dad.” Mr. Mack chuckled and walked away.

Also, another thing, Onion thinks that if you write a word that might extend onto the next page, you have to write a hyphen in the middle of the word to make it fit. While this is sometimes the case, it’s usually fine unless the word when put onto a new line leaves a large dent in the side of the paragraph. When this isn’t so, it’s just annoying to read.

I felt relief and awkwardly smiled only to see Abbi in the corner of my eye bursting out of the girls’ locker room. She was in her PT uniform

You said you needed gym clothes, but whatever, be inconsistent. Also, that says ‘PT’ uniform, not PE. Did Onion even edit this at all?

and carried a beautiful smile on her face. Running over to me, Abbi sat down and gave me a big hug.

“I’m so glad you’re still in a class with me,” she said. The gym shirt was hiked up her arms so I could feel her skin connect with my neck. The sensation was glorious.

Why... Why?

They’re arms.

My face was beaming from feeling her warmth around me.

I replied, “You will be the one reason I look forward to gym.”

Mr. Mack overheard and interrupted as he stood a short distance away “Hey kid, and I thought we were becoming friends!”

I laughed awkwardly feeling a little weird about him eavesdropping. But then again, it’s much easier to close your eyes than it is to turn off your ears.

Yikes.

Everyone gathered on the gym floor, excluding me. Mr. Mack immediately noticed I was not participating and said “Hey, if you don’t have gear, go in my office and pick out an outfit.”

Like I said earlier, clothes will be provided for you.

I reluctantly got up and walked over to his office where all I realized I would have to sift through a huge pile of mismatching jerseys and sweatpants to get a half-decent outfit.

After changing in the bathroom I walked out to everyone taking part in dodge ball. I could feel the focus of the room shift on my outfit and, just as I expected, I was greeted with laughter.

And it doesn’t tell me what that looks like, so I’m just imagining a metallic 1980′s tracksuit.

“Hey, at least you won’t get your normal clothes sweaty from dodge ball!” Mr. Mack said tossing me a ball as the game was already in play.

Before I could even catch it, Raymon, one of the jocks in the class, smacked me in the side of the head.

Raymon is out.

That’s also not a name I have ever heard of. So there’s that.

Everyone but a few people bust out laughing again as Mr. Mack lurched up and pointed at Raymon screaming

“You’re out Raymon, can’t hit above the shoulders!” Raymon replied with a discouraged snap of his fingers, scowling as he sat on the sidelines.

I’m just imagining him like.

‘aw darn!’

Because nobody snaps their fucking fingers in discouragement unless they’re joking.

It was odd how he broke the rules and hit another person in the head yet pretended to be the victim.

He didn’t pretend to be the victim, though.

I never really understood the human tendency to feel sorry for yourself when you’re being punished for breaking rules you were well aware of.

Oh, because you’re so high and mighty.

Abbi was on my team and we were down to just a few people, I very quickly found out I was quite good at the game, better than I thought at least. I kind of used Abbi as my motivation to do well.

A girl you’ve spoken to only this week. And to add to this, you can count the number of times you’ve spoken to her on one hand.

I imagine it was some kind of evolutionary thing, a man trying to impress his mate with physical performances to demonstrate his superiority over other members of the tribe.

That gif is the only one I can use to express how much that line alone pisses me the fuck off.

That is so sexist?

Primitive?

It’s creepy?

It’s really fucking weird?

Like, Onion, honestly, what the fuck was going through your head that made you think it was a good idea to write that shit? ‘Evolutionary thing’ my ass, if I liked a girl or a guy I’d also want to impress them.

You aren’t special and neither is your shitty pretentious main character.

Okay, moving on.

I kept catching every other ball thrown at me only to return it, hitting a student approximately one out of every three attempts.

‘Approximately.’

Stop trying to make yourself impressive.

I always threw low to decrease the chance of anyone catching my ball. After a while my consistent efforts paid off, our entire team was back in play. Raymon had made his way back in the game on their side but only a small nerdy kid remained in play with him. Raymon would try to catch what we threw but was always a few inches short of reaching the ball as it flew by. A ball smacked the nerdy kid in his ankles and only Raymon was left. He tried to throw a ball at my head again but this time I was ready. Just as the ball flew past me every person with a ball on my side threw theirs at him. In an almost comedic fashion every other ball impacted his chest and below. We were all cracking up over it but Mr. Mack interrupted us letting us know class was over.

Okay so that was hard to imagine as a sequence of events.

Before Abbi ran back to the locker room, she walked up to me and said “Can you call me tonight?” I nodded smiling and she kissed me on the cheek. My mind exploded with excitement. From that single kiss on my cheek my whole body felt light and warm the rest of the day.

After doing my chores later that night I called Abbi like she asked and she answered “Hey you!”

I want to die.

I replied “Not a lot of callers huh?”

She said “Actually I just embarrassed myself on the last call hoping it was you. My grandma felt pretty special for about ten seconds.”

Okay, so there’s another thing I have to keep fixing. When you write dialogue, you put the period at the end of the sentence inside the quotations. Onion keeps putting it outside and it’s driving me crazy.

Also these jokes just make me want to die even more than I already do.

She and I talked for hours; we discussed the plausible absurdity of horoscopes, “The Secret,” the legitimacy of souls, the afterlife and even leprechauns. Very few topics were off-limits.

Wow, you’re making yourself even more pretentious.

Being free to talk about whatever was on my mind felt liberating. Having these conversations with her served as just another reminder that there was someone out there who could really understand me with just as much kindness and acceptance as I did them.

YOU HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER PERSONALLY FOR LESS THAN A GODDAMN WEEK.

STOP.

Before I hung up I said “Abbi, thank you for making my imperfect life feel perfect.”

FUCK YOU.

She laughed at how cheesy the line was only to respond, “Well thank you for being so perfectly imperfect.” I felt a warm smile come across my face and said goodnight.

This whole romance between James and Abbi is really unrealistic and corny and forced.

But the chapter is over, so whatever. I’ll see you guys next time.

~Kat

[colorspilling-blog]

Evolution

The world is factually beautiful. Colors. Rainbows. Lights. You’ll know in a bit. We are so similar to everything around us because we’re around them, but we are so unique and special zoomed in. Yes, we have to try and uniformly be a color in the whole gradient of the world, where Cultures are colors. We’re so similar to those around us, but also too different when you zoom in@@@ It’s a bout relativity when you think about it. Like, Scotland, Ireland, and England are all so different and culturally diverse, as we know in how much pride we get in that, but at the end of the day, they’re pretty fucking similar from someone looking at it from even America, though I suppose other countries must think. Though we were dips hits and because we invaded everywhere and force fed our bullcrap down their throats while not thinking they had their own color. ANYWAYS. IN AN IDEAL WORLD where europeans haven’t been dickwads, we’re the color of skin crayon still on the crayon. That unsettling non-alive-but-dinstinctly-flesh look. But like, to us it looks like skin because we can see the differentiation because we grew up knowing to look for that. We need to think of other places as their own vibrant, interesting, deep colors. Like, let’s help others, but only if they want it. They being the people, the majority. Not the gross crayon color that is projected. You can’t fix a mistake you drew with an orange crayon with a green crayon. If you truly want it fixed, you have to use the orange crayon. And these colors blend into other places nearby. So while we just see the “green” or “blue” area, the particles in that area are aqua and turquoise and teal and navy and Kelly and forest and etc. etc. etc. So how zoomed in do we get? At what point are WE the wrong color? And how much variation is good?

And then it’s a problem because you get into morals. Like, at what point does “They’re cannibals” become okay? If they’re all on board with it, if they only eat someone who volunteers truly and absolutely, is that okay? And what rules have to be enforced then to make sure everyone is absolutely okay with everything happening? And then doesn’t that take away the weird primal urge to do it? When you’re overthinking it, that just goes away because WHY. I guess if that’s who you truly are, and are a good person, good on you?? Like, what if someone donated their muscle mass, what we don’t use for scientific stuff, and gave it to cannibals to eat, like an organ donor? This then gets into the fact that eating human flesh does actually make your brain go wonky and terrible, but there’s no way to draw the line at an exact point. One thing isn’t THAT much worse than the other but eventually you’re justifying something that is fucking absurd and horrendous. And why do I know that? Because most people who do that aren’t getting the consent of everyone involved! Anyways.  Colors. That’s a thing.

So how do these lights and organization play into it? Let me tell you. I was listening to Les Mis and loving on it, and then looking at my rainbow lights. And my bf lovingly put it up in the wrong order thinking he was doing it correct, but it isn’t a gradient now. And like, clearly each ball of color is a different color. One next to the other is totally different. But put it on a gradient and you can see how they start to smooth together. But can he just not see the gradient that I can do it? And how many people can see differentiations way beyond what I can? That’s what people get so touchy with color names! If we have words for them, if we have to distinguish on a smaller scale, we can see the difference. But if you don’t have the words for it? If it doesn’t fit your brain grooves, if it hasn’t made a river in your BRAIN (wow this is getting weird guys, like a personality trait is like a river on your brain and like, evolution man. At some point “walking on land” became a groove river and just now IS like the Grand Canyon, aint no one taking that away from us, that’s a sulci. But some are just like, maybe suggestions that have worn into our brain. (I know this isn’t real, I studied neuropsych I know how brains work this is just metaphorical) Anyways now personality traits are rivers and like, the ones you branch off from are clearly helping you and feeding into how strong you get #layers) colors. Back to colors. If we zoom out like, we’re all just fucking one same thing right? We’re all humans. But like, we’re also all animals, but some of us are different. Like, it’s cool as hell we’re all different. Be fucking different. Appreciate that difference. That’s neat as shit. Now the world is blending into a more personality based culture than a location based culture. It’s so important to remember and preserve the location based ones, cuz those are HISTORY and interesting as hell and can be taken forward (and here’s a branch of people who love history have to develop!!!) and then those factions within those factions of knowledge and just everything is impossible to do! So you gotta chose one and just trust that everyone else is doing their part. Until you have to grow again. It’s just the same thing in different format. We used to grow in oral traditions, and print made that stiffer to translate, so people became stiffer, then out of that we grew this beautiful dada bloom of online bullfuckery to push that HUMANITY back, back like Ancient Greece. But now we’re expanding into this virtual world where everyone can know everyone, but we haven’t set down rules and regulations here, so people are just LETTING GO. Which is NOT good. It’s getting better, but it’s not about just the voice of what you read, we’ve stopped attaching actual PEOPLE to this. Everyone you lash out at has so much difference in their knowledge and color (see where I’m tying this in?) that we’re trying to police this totally different way of life and just fucking letting asshats in our own color (now my white ass culture is red cuz aggression, It’s like a jolly rancher glowing. It’s bullshit because other flavors are good too! Anyways this is getting into flavor. What I’m saying is that we’re too focused on trying to make people like US, we’re letting the people who are like us that are bad go free.

Anyways, this started out positive. Just thinking that positivity is what you see out of the world? In a hurricane, there’s this disaster and people are suffering. a. Can you do something about it? Once you have b. What else can you do? At that point whatever happens only affects YOU now. So take care of that so you have the strength and emotional fortitude to help whoever needs help next. In that rest time, think of the good things that happened in a situation. Hurricanes show bravery, and people being kind. Those reaching out to help. We need to value this MORE. We need to show people that THAT is how you aid someone, less of “xyz did something minutely terrible and has since made up for it” Let’s value KINDNESS. Dramatic and trying things can have a good ending. Let’s mourn the bad ones and then move forward. How do we prevent that from happening again? How do we make sure everyone is taken care of? And at what point does our worrying become more toxic than it is helpful? And this is just my neurosis kicking in and no one actually cares to the point I should just let it the fuck go? And then I debated of the word neurosis. Was that the correct word? Was that going to a. Be made fun of if I ever saw it. And b. Wouldn’t looking up a word’s exact definition be counter productive of the ride of me becoming high and writing things down? Just letting it flow? And what would have happened to me back in the day when we couldn’t look up what it meant? That’s why grammar used to not matter because it wasn’t accessible to everyone. So it developed. That’s why different slangs become different languages. That’s how things develop. That’s how languages and prejudices develop. Who gives a shit about what someone talks like? That’s just a different language in a way. But at the same time, when you see people talking the same way and they’re becoming a group that likes each other, and they start rebelling against the bigger group, THEY get hated one because they’re not conforming. They’re making a new unique color that allows us to see a smaller faction. And then at what point is there just not enough space on this planet to hold enough factions of personalities? Each and every individual has to have some variance, right? So we have to start to try and balance out. We have to rely on others with similarities. We have to conform to others for love and support. But we still want to be unique and interesting.W e have to be red, but we can be ruby or Scarlett or whatever. And maybe if you’re born in the wrong color, fucking move. leave. Find your color. If you’re different you shouldn’t suffer because you’re different, you should go to somewhere that loves you because you’re that way. But then those color congregate together and eventually look the SAME so someone has to “branch out” and rebel and these little things are getting so smaller and smaller and each group is less people until it finally just tears one human apart having so many conflicting distinct bits. So we have to be boring and BE something. One individual thing. But one thing that has to be with other things. And how much of their color do you adapt to be comfortable? And how much of your color do you give to comfortable? And do they want it? is that what a relationship is? Sharing colors. Two people either make a pattern, or a blend. You have a marble of two complimentary colors, and maybe they’re Kelly green and forest green. They’re this beautiful detail work of each individual’s personality but when they’re zoomed out, it’s just green. They look the same. They’re similar. You’re always going to be so different to someone, and if you want to get on with hem, you have to find a pattern. Others you can blend with, one part of you blending into the other. Different kind of relationships define where the boundaries are. Ombre vs. pattern. They’re both beautiful in different ways, and evoke a totally different emotion, but they’re both amazing. I can like one more than the other, but that doesn’t give the other thing a lesser value. Just my preference. Enough people have to agree, and that’s supply and demand. But then someone is going to like the lesser preferred thing and bring it back. It’s just going with the waves. What part of the color pattern are you in in your time? Are you ahead? Are you behind? All of them are fine and help out in a way. And then expanding into the value of preserving and eventually things fail and that’s OKAY. Things go away. You have to move on. But don’t shove those things away, let it go gently.

Ow my brain hurts.

If I can’t find my own color, I will either drown or I will become someone else. I need to know who I am to know how to work with people. How hard do you dive into yourself before you’re selfish? How can I catch up when I’m already so behind? I’m so young when it comes to emotions and figuring out what my own color is. I don’t want to be swallowed up by the vast (pastel pea green btw) nothingness I’m trying to fill. I want to appreciate others but how do I know I’m not giving them more than I should? And then how will I know when to stop? When I’m as mature as I should be and I shouldn’t shut down and try and be older than I am. That’s why the internet sucks. We don’t see people’s developmental age. We are so angry with others because we assume that they see what we see. That they know what we know. They don’t! They’re not your neighbor down the block most of the time. They have a VASTLY different experience and background. And some of it is bad!!!! Just like yours!!! And you grew and let’s STOP holding thirteen year olds on the internet accountable for the emotional maturity of 30 year olds! But HOW do we know what to expect on the internet? I can’t look at someone and be like “Oh, okay, this person is 10 and probably won’t have learned this yet” or “You’re fucking 50 and you still don’t know this about others that’s ridiculous”  but then we have this differential of base knowledge too!! Like someone growing up in Thailand is going to have a very different core base of knowledge than others. So like, legends of this beast, but what if they’re just stories of Pangea? Like, if crocs had this mythology around them but they’re fucking REAL yikes! But they’ve developed in this oral story tradition and now they’re the Loch Ness monster or w/e and people are holding assumptions because of this myth, and it grew because telling stories always changes them!!! That’s super cool and that’s how people become legends, but know that the farther you are from someone in the way you’re talking to them, the less likely it’s going to be accurate. And then things evolve.