#like sitting in my physical science class today and just. Remembering. and Cringing

[nathaniacolver]

katie mcgrath...i love you, i really do, but WHY did you have to pronounce "anions" the ways you did the WHOLE EPISODE (s02e20.) (they were all wrong)

(i must use ipa bc ANY OTHER WAY is disgusting)

[ǽniə̀nz]

and

[ənɑ͡ɪ́ənz]

like i actually hate her! she said it wrong with her full chest AS LENA LUTHOR like girllllll

[radiorenjun]

 I Don't Need It

• Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader

• Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fluff

• Na Jaemin despised the idea of soulmates, he wanted to fight against fate for choosing his soulmate for him. Even if it means his stubborn childhood best friend wouldn’t stop trying to make him accept about the similar tattoos on their wrists.

• Warnings: mental breakdowns, heartbreak, rejection, major angst, arguments, flashbacks, physical injuries, fighting, underaged drinking, panic attacks, mentions of death, slight mentions of druGS? I swear this series is getting closer to an end oml

• Wordcount : 8.4k

• Masterlist here!

• Chapters: XIV, XV

Jaemin scanned the empty science lab, his hand on the doorway as he poked his head into the room like a small bunny peeking into the bushes. His eyes lit up when he found your distressed figure sitting on your assigned table, brows furrowed and tongue sticking out slightly in concentration as you flipped through the pages of your book with one hand and writing on a piece of paper in the other.

He chuckled, realising that you had forgotten to do your homework again and had decided to finish it fifteen minutes before the bell rings. ‘Typical,’ he thought fondly, taking a small step into the lab to lean his body against the doorway, tucking his hands into his jacket pockets as he continued to gaze longingly at you.

‘I never realised how adorable she looks whenever she’s focused like this,’ Jaemin couldn’t stop the giddy smile slowly stretching across his lips as he examined your state. You were in like your own personal bubble, one that only Jaemin, at that moment, could see. You were so close to him, but not close enough for his heart to reach.

Feeling someone’s gaze on you, you stopped writing and looked up to see the familiar brown haired boy staring shamelessly at you. You didn’t know if he was shocked to see you look up at him, but if he was, he was definitely good at hiding it. “Why are you standing there and staring at me like a creep?” you asked with an exhausted sigh, straightening your back in your chair before going back to writing without another glance.

“You’re the only one in this room,” Jaemin replied shortly, his expression remaining unfazed by the fact that you had caught him staring. Though the way his heart skipped a beat told him otherwise. “That still doesn’t give you a reason to stare at me like some kind of stalker,” you mumbled back monotonously, flipping a page from your textbook and sparing a small glance at the boy standing a few feet away from you.

“It’s a free country, y/n. I’m just looking at you,” he shrugged, standing up straight to walk closer to you, stopping right in front of your desk to look down at your paper. “Well, do you mind? It’s really distracting,” you leaned your head against your palm, rubbing your temples with your fingers as you tried to concentrate on finishing what’s left of your essay paper.

He ignored your previous statement and leaned over to see that it was the essay assigned last week, his brows raising in amusement as he chuckled softly. “You always forget to do your homework,” he stated with a soft, almost inaudible tone. You took a silent breath, unconsciously gripping your pen tighter as you wrote. “Yeah, nothing much has changed, really,” you responded with a small shrug.

Jaemin stood there, silently watching you jot down the lines you highlighted in your textbook on the piece of paper in the empty lab room. The atmosphere was tense, but yet again, it was almost comforting. You two didn’t know what to say to ease the tension but you both knew that you felt comfort in each other’s presence. And that was alright for you.

But you both couldn’t help but feel a sense of familiarity at that moment. The feeling of Jaemin looking down at you curiously giving the both of you some sort of deja vu. 

  “Y/n!” Jaemin exclaimed, running up to you from across the classroom with a bright smile stretched across his face. “My mom gave me some lunch money. Accompany me to the cafeteria!” he whined, stopping right in front of your desk, plopping his hands on the wooden surface harshly, startling you in the process as you let out a loud yelp.

“Jaemin! You startled me!” you complained, hitting your best friend’s shoulder playfully. Jaemin laughed, whacking your hands away from his arm before grabbing your hand gingerly, bouncing excitedly in his stance. “Come on! I really want to get those mozzarella sticks before they run out!” he whined, attempting to pull you away from your seat but you held him back.

“No! Why do you need me to come with you,” you whined, letting him continue to tug your wrist playfully as you hold your ground. “I need moral support!” he whined, mimicking your childish tone as he continued to pull you out of your seat. “But I don’t want to go,” you replied, dragging out the vowels at the end of your sentence. 

“But why?” Jaemin stretched out the ‘y’ as he stopped pulling you, keeping your hand in his as he pouted at you, giving you his signature puppy dog eyes that almost made you give in. “Nope! Not this time! I’m not going to fall for it!” you quickly tugged your hand out of his to cover your eyes and bury them in your arms as you leaned your body against the table to hide your face from his.

“Oh come on, y/n. Please?” 

You couldn’t see him, but you knew that he had moved to stand right in front of you, fingers intertwined together and puppy dog eyes ready to bore into yours in case you raised your head up. “No! You can go by yourself!” you shook your head against your arms, laughing at how ridiculous the two of you were acting at the absurd situation.

“Please? I’ll even share my mozzarella sticks with you, pinky promise!” Jaemin pleaded with a hopeful tone.

Truthfully, ever since your teacher had decided to separate the two of you and placed Jaemin in the seat across the room. He started using recess as a way to make up for the time you spent in class giving silly looks at each other in between lectures. In conclusion, he just really wanted to spend more time with his best friend.

“No!” you huffed, burying your face deeper into your arms before hearing a small groan from your best friend. “You’re 11 Jaemin! You can go to the canteen yourself!” you told him, rolling your eyes at his childishness. “I know, but it isn’t the same if I go down the cafeteria without you,” you felt a hand on your shoulder, shaking you gently as he nagged once again.

“Come on! You’re not even doing anything in the classroom,” he whined, making you look up at him with a deep frown of your own, bottom lip jutting out as you mirrored his expression. “You don’t even know what I’m doing,” you stuck your tongue out at him, crossing your arms on the table and laying your chin on it before averting your eyes away from his. 

“Oh really? What are you doing then?” he asked in a sassy tone, crossing his arms against his chest. “I’m not telling you,” you blew a raspberry at him, giggling afterwards as he gasped dramatically, his face contorted into an offended expression. “Why not?” he frowned, giving you a deep pout as he crossed his arms against his chest.

“Because I said so!” you grinned mischievously, watching as your best friend continued to nag at you, shaking your shoulders aggressively. “Fine! I’ll tell you,” you groaned in defeat, pushing his hands away from you with a small huff. You pulled away to sit up straight in your chair, revealing that you were hiding a small pile of papers filled with your messy doodles and handwriting.

“I’m making letters for everyone!” you beamed, showing him the letters you have written so far. Jaemin picked up one of the papers, his pupils dilating when he saw that you have written letters for your family and relatives. “I want to finish them today while I still have the energy,” you explained, gesturing at the colourful markers and pens scattered on your desk.

“You didn’t write a letter for me?” Jaemin frowned jokingly, putting the paper down on your desk. You frowned, remembering that you haven’t written a letter for your best friend yet. You thought about it for a moment, scanning your desk before your eyes lit up as an idea popped into your head. Noticing the way your facial expressions change, Jaemin was about to clarify how he was joking but he quickly shut his mouth when he saw you reaching over to your pens.

You grabbed a bright yellow sticky note and began scribbling and writing with the colorful markers around you. Jaemin hovered over your figure, trying to take a look at whatever you were doing. Unfortunately for him, he couldn’t see anything you were doing with the way your body basically covered his sight of the small paper. You were too busy with decorating your sticky note to notice how Jaemin had scooted closer to you to try to take a small peak.

“And done!” you exclaimed, sitting up quickly, startling Jaemin. His breath hitched, realising that if it weren’t for his reflexes, the back of your head would’ve knocked against his chin. “What do you mean ‘done’?” he asked, furrowing his brows in confusion as you quickly peeled the sticky note off of the pack and sticking it to his forehead eagerly.

He flinched at the sudden contact, wincing slightly when he felt your palm make contact with his forehead. “There! I wrote you a letter!” you stood up, putting your hands on your hips as you looked back at him with a proud expression on your face. “What did you just make me?” he asked, pulling the sticky note off of his forehead, cringing slightly when he felt strands of his hair sticking to it.

“A letter, just like what you wanted, right?” you giggled as Jaemin examined the yellow paper. There were small random doodles of weird symbols and smiley faces all over the paper, letters written in different coloured markers in the middle of the paper. “To my Jaemin, thank you for being the best friend I never asked for but always needed! Please continue to feed me and be my friend until we grow grey, old and wrinkly.” was written in your typical messy handwriting.

“’Please continue to feed me’, I knew you were friends with me for my food!” he pointed a finger at you with a wide smile across his face. Despite the fact that he kept accusing you for being friends with him because he always shares his food with you, deep down, you both knew he loved the little letter you wrote for him in a span of three minutes. And he was more than happy to stick by your side until the end.

“Are you just going to keep standing there like a creep until the teacher comes?” Jaemin snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of Jeno’s voice nearby. He blinked, standing up straight when he realised that Jeno had taken the empty seat beside you, looking at him with a raised brow as you finally finished your homework with a click of your tongue.

“What?” Jaemin blurted out, his gaze averted from Jeno’s deadpan expression to your unfazed one as you stood up abruptly, ignoring the two boys to walk up to the teacher’s desk at the front of the class. “You’re really trying hard to get her back, huh?” Jeno asked with a soft hum, leaning his cheek against his palm with a heavy sigh. “I’m not getting her back, I never even had her in the first place,” the words felt bitter in Jaemin’s mouth. But he knew it was the truth.

“She’s really ignoring your presence, huh?” Jeno hummed, fidgeting with his phone. “I don’t blame her, really. I was kind of being inconsiderate when she kept saying no to me,” Jaemin bit his lip, feeling his heart sink to his stomach as he recalls how uncomfortable you looked whenever he tried to desperately talk to you or ask you to start over. “Everyone has their own limits. I don’t blame her for acting like this.”

“So what? You’re just going to lay around, stare at her like a creep without making a move?” Jeno asked, looking up at his best friend. Jaemin’s tired eyes never left your figure as you began talking to one of your classmates, slipping his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he let out a longing sigh. “She needs a little more space, I don’t want to fuck things up even more than I already have. I’ll just make small moves. I don’t want to force her,” he explained rather hesitantly.

“I don’t want to overwhelm her like I did back then. Especially after the party,” Jaemin licked his slightly chapped lips when his mind wandered to the kiss you two shared at the party, his heart racing at the memory. “I just want her to stop hurting because of me,” he confessed with a sigh, looking down at the floor with an almost hopeless expression. 

“Haechan really did slap some sense into you, huh?” Jeno chuckled, his expression softened when he realised how Jaemin was acting slightly more mature than he was before the party. “No shit, he almost punched me on the face,” Jaemin let out a small laugh, shaking his head profusely as he recalled the second time Donghyuck made him get his shit together.

After Renjun had left, Donghyuck walked in to scold the hell out of the younger boy. Donghyuck almost punched Jaemin across the face when he heard that y/n was in another room with her mind jumbled up, he scolded Jaemin for moving too quickly. “Get your shit together, Na Jaemin. Don’t you get it? She’s never going to stop hurting if you keep pushing yourself back in her life with no warning!” never left Jaemin’s mind.

“All you’ve done is complain and whine and drag yourself in situations that you’re both not comfortable in. What the fuck? You keep saying you want to ‘make things right’ but all you’ve done so far is make her uncomfortable. You’re pushing each other away even more, you dumbass. Stop whining and complaining about it and actually do something right for once, Na Jaemin!”

“She didn’t give up on me until I snapped. I’m not giving up on her until she snaps either,” Jaemin shrugged, glancing up at the clock to see that he should be heading to his own class right now. Jeno furrowed his brows in concern, “and if she does?” he asked quietly, taking a quick glance at you before turning back to his best friend.

Jaemin sighed, shrugging in defeat. “Then I’ll finally get a taste of my own medicine.”

“Hey, someone just placed a rock on your desk.” 

“Wait what?” you furrowed your brows, turning your head to see that one of your classmates had come up to you, pointing at your desk casually. “Someone just came in and dropped off a rock on your desk,” your classmate repeated with a small laugh, an amused expression taking over their features as you became even more confused.

“A rock?” you furrowed your brows, a feeling of deja vu overcoming you at the mere mention of it.

“A rock? Are you kidding me?” Yeeun, the girl you were talking to, spoke incredulously, crossing her arms against her chest. “What the fuck? That’s so random,” she laughed, turning to see your baffled expression. You turned to her with a speechless expression before walking over to your own desk with your friends following right behind you.

“Listen, if you don’t believe me just go ahead and see for yourself,” your classmate rolled her eyes at Yeeun, pointing at the small object on your desk right in between the messy area of your books and pens. “This looks like some weird omen, you know. Like those weird horror movie get ups,” your classmate commented with a light chuckle. 

“Wait, you were actually serious?” she exclaimed with a laugh, looking at your classmate who shrugged simply. You stared at the stone sitting innocently on your desk, taking a step closer to pick it up in one of your hands. “It appears they drew something on it,” your friend pointed out, tapping her finger on the underside of the rock 

Your eyebrows raised slightly, flipping the rock around to see that the person who gave you the rock had drawn small hearts with different colored sharpies. There was a yellow small smiley face in the middle, the little smile on the drawing was sending sparks into your heart when you realised there was no one else in the world who would even think of giving you a random rock unless it was Na Jaemin himself.

‘Copycat’, you thought to yourself with a small chuckle, feeling your heart jump at the small gift. You turned to your friend, attempting to hide how flustered you were feeling with a casual expression. “Did you see who came in and placed this here?” you asked, bouncing the rock in your hands casually as if you hadn’t already known who had given you the rock in question. 

“Unfortunately, no. I did catch a mop of brown hair running out of the classroom, though,” your classmate grinned, wiggling her eyebrows at you teasingly. “I’m assuming the tables have turned with Mister Hard-To-Get, huh?” Yeeun teased, nudging your side with her elbow, giggling along with your friend. You almost broke into a smile at the mere mention of the boy. But the empty feeling in your heart wasn’t having it.

“Look at you, being pined over by your long term crush slash childhood best friend. I would celebrate if I were you. Hell, it’s also the team captain himself! I’d be over the moon if I were you,” Yeeun gushed, looking at your classmate who nodded eagerly in agreement. “He totally likes you back now. No guaranteed, you’re out of the friendzone now, I’m so happy for you!”

You frowned, sighing as you shake your head. “I don’t think so. Plus, you know very well I’m over it,” you sighed, pulling your bag from your chair and tucking the rock in one of the open pockets. “I know, I know. But shouldn’t you be happy? You’ve been pining him since high school started and you were whipped as fuck. Now that you finally have him chasing your tail, shouldn’t you be over the moon?” your classmate asked curiously, furrowing her brows.

“You’re not wrong. I mean, come on, y/n! Maybe Jaemin actually changed his mind about the stupid ‘going against fate’ bullshit. You should definitely give him a chance! You’ve been giving him a taste of his own medicine but don’t you think you two should stop pushing and pulling each other away and finally be the power couple I always imagined you to be?” Yeeun whined, nodding along with your classmate who gave you an affirming smile.

Yeeun was always one of those students who found the whole drama between you and Jaemin entertaining. She was rooting for the two of you to be together. She believed that you two were perfect for each other and you two just needed to talk things out. Yeeun always loved seeing you being so whipped for your soulmate that she, like many others, failed to see that it was also hurting the both of you.

“This isn’t some weird k-drama, Yeeun,” you chuckled, shaking your head as you stood up straight, looking straight at your friends with a gloomy smile across your face. “Plus, I kind of need a break from simping on him. I’ve been a devoted simp for two whole years, it’s time for me to stop. God, I must have been so annoying. Honestly, if I were Jaemin, I would’ve removed my tattoo in a heartbeat,” you laughed lightly, scratching the back of your neck awkwardly as you zipped up your bag.

You noticed the smiles on your friends’ faces have faltered at your words, making you realise that you spoke a little too much. Coughing to clear up the tension, you let out a small laugh. “Sorry, what am I even saying?” you chuckled to yourself in disbelief, rubbing your face in frustration as you let out a tired sigh. “Are you okay, y/n?” Yeeun asked, genuine concern spreading over her features.

You hummed, nodding before giving her a tight-lipped smile. “I’m fine. I guess I’m just really tired, right now,” you lied, giving them a small thumbs up. “I’ll go wash up, excuse me,” you gave them a small nod, looking at the concerned expressions on their faces as you attempt to give them what seems to be a smile before walking out of the classroom.

Tired, huh?

Occasionally, Jeno would invite Jaemin out to go cycling around on Saturday mornings to get his mind off of things or to simply hang out. And today, Jaemin couldn’t be more grateful to his best friend for forcing him to go out instead of staying all cooped up in his room playing overwatch with Donghyuck all day.

“Wait, I ran out of water,” Jaemin informed, showing Jeno his empty water bottle before putting it back in his bag. “Oh,  there’s a small convenience store. You can buy something there. Did you forget to bring your wallet again?” Jeno asked, pointing at the small store a few buildings away from them. “Shut up, I don’t always forget to bring my wallet,” Jaemin chuckled, leaning his bike against the pole near them as he wiped the sweat off of his brows.

“Sure, buddy. Go get your water so we can get going. My mom’s making her special stew tonight,” Jeno shoved Jaemin playfully with a laugh, rolling his eyes at his best friend. “Okay, okay. You want anything?” Jaemin asked, waving his wallet in the air with a wide grin. Jeno shook his head, waving his hand at the younger boy. “You’re broke enough, I’m not going to make you even more poor than you already are,” he joked, earning a pout from Jaemin.

He huffed before jogging off to the convenience store, telling Jeno to watch his bike while he’s gone, missing the small thumbs up the black haired boy gave him in return. 

Jaemin pushed open the door, giving the cashier a small smile and an awkward nod before walking down the aisle to find himself a drink. Scanning his eyes through the aisle, he spotted a familiar figure at the corner of his eyes as he walked past the snack aisle at the corner of his eye. Eyes widening when he realised that it was you in your sleep deprived glory.

You were wearing one of the hoodies he had gifted you for your 16th birthday, your eyes were half-lidded as if you were on the brink of falling asleep on the spot. A hand rubbing one of your eyes as the other holds on to the large packet of flaming hot cheetos against your chest. Jaemin felt his throat getting dry at the sight of you, his heartbeat beginning to pick up its pace as he felt the urge to come up and talk to you.

He gulped, standing in the middle of the aisle in complete shock as his mind tried to decipher that you were here. Alone. With him. Why were you here so early in the morning? Usually you would be asleep in bed until noon or until he would stop by at your house to wake you up. A frown appeared on his lips when he realised that he hasn’t actually stopped by at your house willingly in so long. 

He always dropped you off in front of your porch but whenever your mother offered him to come in for lunch or dinner, he would often politely decline and make up some random excuse on the spot to prevent spending any more time with you. Jaemin realised the only time he actually came to your house was for your family’s monthly dinners or group projects.

‘Wow, I was that much of a jerk?’ he thought to himself bitterly, feeling guilt and regret ball up in his chest. 

He turns his head up to look at you, his heartbeat picking up its pace when he saw how content and relaxed you look. He realised he never actually took the time to admire you, even in your most comfortable state. He should know, especially how the two of you have known each other since you were still toddlers.

‘Should I go up to her?’ he pondered.

‘It wouldn’t hurt to try to talk to her, right?’ he looked down at his watch, eyeing the time displayed on it before looking out the window, spotting Jeno scrolling through his phone right across the street from the store as he waited for him. ‘A small conversation wouldn’t hurt, right?’ he sighed before looking up back at your figure standing a few meters away from him. 

He watched you walk to the ice cream bar without a care in the world, opening the lid silently as you scanned the cold machine. Biting his lip nervously, he picked a random water bottle from the aisle before slowly coming up to you. Swallowing down his nerves, he cleared his throat before letting out a small “y/n?”

You turned, eyes widening in surprise at his unexpected figure standing before you. “Jaemin,” you didn’t even realise the words left your mouth until he shot you an endearing smile. “Hi, I didn’t expect to see you here,” you let out a puff of breath you didn’t even know you were holding. “Hey, what are you doing here so early on a Saturday?” Jaemin asked, putting his hands behind his back, his hand wrapping around his wrist as he leaned towards you slightly.

“I just wanted some snacks,” you replied in a quiet tone, your voice hoarse as if you had just woken up from your sleep. You gestured to the bag of chips in your arms, making Jaemin nod, his mouth forming a small ‘o’ in response. You bit your lip, “what about you?” you asked rather hesitantly.

You both knew the answer to this, considering how Jaemin always rants to you about the silly things he and Jeno would do every Saturday on their morning cycles together back when you were still on speaking terms. But you couldn’t take the awkward silence settling in between you if you didn’t try to keep the conversation going.

“I was just cycling with Jeno and ran out of water, ” Jaemin shrugged, standing up straight as he cocked his head at the direction of one of the windows, causing you to turn your head to see your friend standing not far from the store, standing beside two bicycles while fidgeting with his phone. “Oh, I guess you two are still going on your Saturday morning dates,” you chuckled, rubbing your left eye with one of your palms. 

“You really need to stop calling them dates,” he frowned, jutting out his bottom lip slightly at your words. “I mean, I’m not exactly wrong, aren’t I?” you snickered, feeling your body ease up with how smooth the conversation was going, the awkward tension decreasing with every passing second as you scanned through the row of ice cream tubs and popsicles. 

“I’m actually surprised to see you awake at this hour, you’re usually asleep until noon,” he commented, taking a step forward to look through the ice cream bar with you. “What are you talking about? I’ve always been awake at this hour, though,” you raised your brow at him, pulling out a raspberry flavored popsicle, inspecting it before putting it back down, running your hands through the plastic wrappers.

“Really? That’s a surprise,” Jaemin’s eyebrows shot up. Back when the two of you were still in good terms, Jaemin would often call you before 11 AM just in case you had something to do or somewhere to go to ever since you were 15. “Yeah, I figured I can just do a lot of things if I wake up earlier than planned,” you shrugged. 

“Wow, getting up early at your own will? It’s good to hear that you’re using your time more productively,” Jaemin exclaimed with a smile of disbelief. You bit your lip, nodding in response. “I guess so,” you mumbled back with a small shrug. Truth be told, back when you were still devoted on pursuing Jaemin, you never woke up early despite being told off by your parents multiple times. You just wanted to wake up to the sound of his voice every morning to start your day off as happy as you can be.

At times like this, you wished that he didn’t stop giving you morning calls. Come to think of it, when did he stop calling you every morning? When did you grow used to his absence even when he was just right there in front of you?

Noticing how silent you got, Jaemin took it upon himself to change the topic, his eyes scanning the room before landing on a watermelon flavored popsicle. “Hey, remember when we used to eat these as a kid?” Jaemin asked with an enthusiastic smile, a hopeful glint sparkling in his eyes as he raised the popsicle up at you, hitting you with a wind of nostalgia.

“Oh yeah, you used to ask your mom to buy you the whole stock back then,” you chuckled, grabbing a popsicle of the same brand that was supposed to be Melon flavored. “This really brings me back,” you smiled, turning to Jaemin who gave you a boyish smile. Oh how the littlest things can bring back such unpleasant memories. 

 “Nana!” you exclaimed, waddling over to the football court once you saw Jaemin walk out of after school practice. As usual, you were waiting for Jaemin to get out of practice so he can drive the both of you home. And being the considerate person that you ironically are, you decided to buy popsicles from the market nearby your school for your friends (mainly Jaemin but you felt bad midway for not buying them so you came back and bought your friend some too).

Jaemin turned to you with a heavy sigh, wiping the sweat off of his hair with a damp towel as he and his friends watched you come up to them with a large plastic bag in your hands. “Hey guys,” you greeted with a small smile, earning small waves and hey’s in return. “So I bought some popsicles for you guys while you were in practice,” you opened the plastic bag in front of them, watching as their exhausted expression morphed into an excited one in an instant.

“Dude, you really didn’t have to,” Jeno said as he watched Haechan, Chenle and Jisung dig their hands into the bag you were holding. “Don’t tell her that! If you say that she won’t buy us food again next time,” Haechan hissed, smacking his friend on the arm as he handed Jeno a popsicle of his own. “Haechan!” Jaemin barked, giving the older boy a death glare.

“He’s not wrong though, ‘Nana’,” Chenle snickered, mocking the sweet tone you used when calling out his name, patting the boy’s back to ease him up. “I don’t mind being broke. My wallet loves treating you guys,” you waved it off with a soft laugh, waving your bag in front of Jaemin, gesturing for him to grab one of the two remaining popsicles left in the plastic bag. 

Jaemin gave you a pointed look, raising his brow as if he wanted to tell you off. Giving him an innocent smile you waved the bag in front of him. “Come on, it’s gonna melt, you know.” Jaemin’s eyes were filled with exhaustion and the slightest bit of annoyance, but nonetheless, it never failed to send small needles into your heart.  

“You really should stop wasting your time and money on these things,” Jaemin sighed, shoving his hand in the bag and pulling out a watermelon flavored popsicle. “I like hurting my wallet. Plus, you guys looked like you needed something refreshing. I’m just doing you guys a favor,” you giggled, pulling out the last popsicle in the bag and throwing the bag in a nearby trash can.

“Bless your kind soul, y/n,” Jisung groaned, putting his hands together as if he was praying. “She’s a keeper, Jaemin. You sure you ain’t gonna drop the whole ‘I hate soulmates’ bull crap?” Haechan asked, nudging Jaemin’s sides as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively with a bite of his popsicle. “Coming from the guy who bites his popsicles, I think you should keep your opinions to yourself,” Jaemin snapped back, ripping the wrapper open with an annoyed roll of his eyes. 

You kissed your teeth, feeling your heart ache in your chest at his cold tone. Shaking the disappointment out of your head, you gave them a lighthearted laugh, waving it off before tearing off the wrapper of your own popsicle. “Leave him alone, he’s going to change his mind sooner or later,” you mused, earning a soft scoff from Jaemin beside you. 

“How endearing. Can’t wait to rub it in your face when that happens, Jaemin,” Chenle grinned, giggling at how the older boy’s frown grew deeper with every word. “Y/n, let’s just go home,” Jaemin sighed, tightening his grip on the saddle of his bag as he attempts to suppress his annoyance. “See you guys tomorrow,” Jaemin turned away from you and his friends, waving at them. 

“Wait for me!” you exclaimed, pulling the strap of your bag closer to you as you ran after him. 

“Look they’re even having the same flavored popsicle. Isn’t that cute? Couple goals,” Haechan snickered, pointing at how the two of you were having the same watermelon flavored popsicles. You looked down at the icy dessert in your hand, you didn’t even realise that you had the same flavor as him. You couldn’t help but let out a small ‘oh’ in response. 

“Hey look Jaemin, we actually-” 

You looked up and paused midway from finishing your sentence when you saw Jaemin walk towards the trash can with his melting popsicle (which he barely touched) and dumped it in with no hesitation. His expression is stone cold and void of emotion. “Y/n, let’s just go,” you could hear the way he gritted his teeth through his words, causing your heart to drop to your stomach. Your friends didn’t dare to comment anything else about you and Jaemin.

For the way you were trailing after him like a kicked puppy had caused them to wish that they actually kept their mouths shut. 

“Y/n?”

“Oh, yeah?” you snapped out of your thoughts with a small hum, turning to look at Jaemin who was giving you a concerned expression. “Are you okay?” he asked rather hesitantly, noticing how the comforting glint in your eyes vanished the moment you snapped out of your thoughts and averted your gaze back onto his face. You opened your mouth to say something but quickly closed it when you felt your mouth getting dry.

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine.” you nodded, averting your eyes down at the ice cream bar, dropping the popsicle back into the machine and closing it. “I’m going to go now. My mom’s going to start wondering what’s taking me so long,” you lied, avoiding eye contact as you gave him a small smile. “I’ll see you at school, Jaemin,” you dart your eyes to his for a brief second before looking away and walking hastily to the cashier.

Jaemin watched you disappear around the aisle with a disappointed expression on his face, a lonely feeling balling up inside him when he realised you must’ve remembered something he did in the past to make you go so abruptly. He missed you. So much. So damn much.

He longs to talk to you again. He longs to spend more time with you without having any awkward tension like the old days. He wants to talk to you about his favorite video games and hear you rant about the shitty things a certain character did in the movie you recently watched. But he couldn’t.

And now he finally understands how you felt throughout all these years. And the only thing he could do was to keep going, he knew that if he stopped, he didn’t know what else to do with himself.

Jaemin was getting tired. Your high school graduation was less than 7 months away and so far, he has not made any progress in getting closer to you. Unless you count the awkward small talks the two of you had made the past few weeks, but asides from that, there wasn’t any improvement in your relationship it was almost laughable. 

He didn’t know how you managed to be so patient with him when he was going crazy with every single day, but yet again, the thought of it made you appear even more admirable. He found himself longing for your presence even more. Hell, he even missed the little things you do when you’re around him. 

The way your smile glowed up the entire room whenever you see him, the way your voice was filled with adoration whenever you call out his name, the way you would come up to him with arms wide for a big hug (even though he had never reciprocated your affections back then) whenever he was in the room. 

He missed that. And his heart ached at the fact that he took your affections and kindness for granted. All he wanted to do was to talk things out. And he was going to talk it out whether you want to or not. You needed closure. You both knew that. And he was done avoiding it. 

You were in the library doing your assignments, your brows furrowed in concentration, your tongue sticking out slightly at the left corner of your lips, your head leaning to the side slightly. Jaemin almost felt guilty for planning on disturbing you while you were in your protective little bubble, but there was something drawing him to you with every passing second. 

Taking a deep breath, he eased up his muscles before gathering his courage to finally walk up to you. The atmosphere getting heavy with every step he took, and it felt like gravity was pulling him down as his his anxiety spiked up with every ‘tick tock’ the wall clock makes. Suppressing the urge to gulp down. 

“Hey.” 

You froze, your hand pausing from writing as you slowly looked up at him, internally wishing that it wasn’t who you think it was. “Hi,” you breathed out, your eyes fixating on each others as you recognize the familiar sad glint in his eyes. You knew that whatever he was going to do wasn’t going to be good, not with that hopeless look in his eyes. 

“Can we talk now, please? About us?” he bit his lip, his voice going quiet despite the fact that you were the only ones in the library at that moment. There was a pregnant pause between you as you took in his words, your mouth opening and closing as you tried to come up with a reason to leave. But alas, the half written paper on the table between you and Jaemin was enough for you to realise that there was no escaping in this. 

You didn’t know what else to say other than the small “now?” you squeaked out. Jaemin gave you a determined (but also adorable) nod, gripping the saddle of his bag tighter against him. “I’m done avoiding the topic. We kept avoiding this talk for the longest time, so let’s just talk this out casually,” he took in a deep breath nervously, watching your expression closely. 

You looked down at your paper, biting your lip before kissing your teeth, flipping the pen in your hold so you can click the tip to distract your nerves. “Why do we need to talk about it though?” you muttered under your breath, feeling his eyes boring holes into your skull. His pupils dilate at this. “Y/n, we can’t keep pulling and pushing each other away. We’re graduating soon, we need to talk about it eventually,” Jaemin sighed.

He felt his heartbeat increase with every word that spilled from his mouth. He was getting all worked up as he watched your expression grew dim at the mention of talking about you. Why were you so eager to avoid the topic at all costs? Why won’t you try to give him a chance? Why won’t you give this a chance? Why don’t you want to try to fix this? Jaemin was confused. Confused with his feelings and confused about your situation. 

“What if I don’t want to talk about it?” you tightened your grip on your pen, your eyes gazing down at the carpet floor. “I really don’t want to talk about this, Jaemin,” you closed your eyes for a small month, taking in a shuddering breath as you sense the atmosphere getting thicker between you. “But I do. Please, I just want to talk about what’s going to happen to us,” Jaemin bit his lip, his eyes desperate for yours to look back up.

“Jaemin. I’m telling you in the friendliest way possible, I really don’t want to talk about this. Please respect that,” you sucked in your lips nervously, tapping your pen against the paper hastily. Jaemin was starting to get frustrated, “what’s the harm in talking like two civilized human beings?” he unintentionally snapped at you, his sharp tone causing your eyes to shot up at his face in surprise.

You furrowed your brows at how he’s getting so riled up about something this simple. But then again, how do you explain to your soulmate that you don’t want to try and fight for a relationship that never existed in the first place? Can he really blame you for being cautious? Can he really blame you for giving up on the two of you this time?

 “Can’t you just respect the fact that I don’t want to talk about it?” you retorted in a tone of disbelief, sitting up straight when you realise that Jaemin was getting angry for no absolute reason. “Well you didn’t respect the fact that I wasn’t into you either back then and look how that turned out!” he snapped back, words spilling out of his mouth as his heart raced against his chest.

“Y/n, I didn-”

“Fine. You wanted to talk right, so let’s talk,” you leaned back against your chair, letting out a defeated sigh as you rubbed your temples in distress. Jaemin kissed his teeth, his eyes glancing at your exhausted figure that mirrored his own. He took a deep exhale before pulling the chair right across yours so he can sit down in front of you. 

He licked his lips nervously, knowing full well that you were silently gesturing him to go first with the exhausted gaze you were giving him. Taking another deep exhale, he poked the insides of his cheek with his tongue as he tried to decipher what to say. He muttered an almost in audible ‘fuck it’ when he decided that he was just going to say whatever came to heart.

“I’m sorry.” 

Your eyes twitched in slight interest, your pupils looking up at his nervous figure. His eyes staring deep into yours, exhaustion and sadness glossing over his pupils. “I’m so sorry for everything. The music box. The whole talking shit behind your back, embarrassing you in front of our friends and family whenever you tried to give me affection, the sudden kiss at the party, making you uncomfortable, everything. I’m truly, truly sorry for everything,” he took in a deep breath.

“I-I don’t even know where to begin with this so I’m just going to say whatever comes to mind,” Jaemin clenched his fists in an attempt to calm his racing heart, taking a deep breath before letting it out and giving you a serious expression. 

“At the party, on your birthday when I found out we were soulmates. I suddenly felt like I was forced to like or love you because we had matching tattoos. I didn’t want that kind of pressure on me, and it wasn’t easy when our parents constantly nagged us about it,” he confessed, pulling on the cuffs of his black jacket as he looked down at his hands wordlessly. 

“But no one was telling you to love me now, Jaemin. You should’ve just taken this chance to enjoy my absence, I was a nuisance to you,” you mumbled out without hesitation, your cold tone sending small needles into his heart. “But can you blame me if I already have? Whoever created us made this whole soulmate system so that we can love each other, I realise that now,” he bit his lip nervously. 

You stared at him for a small moment, your eyes meeting as Jaemin tried to decipher what you were thinking behind your unreadable expression. “You don’t really love me Jaemin,” you stated with a heavy sigh, leaning your cheek against your knuckles, your elbow propped up on the table. “Don’t give me that hope, Jaemin. You don’t like me like that, you just think you do, you don-”

“You can’t just assume my feelings like that, y/n,” he cut you off, using the same monotonous tone you were using against him. He lifted his hand so that it was laying on the table his heart racing at the small distance your hands had when he did so. “You’re one to talk,” you mumbled under your breath, letting out a small huff afterwards.

“Look, I was hurting a lot back then. Now that I’m willing to accept the fact that you’ll never like me back the same way I liked you, you came up to me and tell me you ‘like’ me,” you raise up two fingers as quotation marks, a sad frown stretching across your face at the mention of him loving you. “After what? Two years? Two years of treating me like garbage?” 

“I was selfish,” Jaemin admitted. “I still am, I admit it. But you were selfish too back then! You wanted this so bad and for so long, why won’t you just take the chance so we can put this all behind us and start over now that I’m willing to give this-to give us a try?” he pointed at the two of you to emphasize on his words, a dull ache beginning to appear in his left wrist.

“Don’t you get it? I’m tired, Jaemin. I’m so tired of getting hurt all the time. I’m just so damn tired. Do you really expect me to forgive you for all the things you did just because I finally did what you ask and step out of your life?” you snapped, straightening your posture. 

“I didn’t know you were hurting. Hell, I didn’t even know you felt that way. You could’ve just told me and then maybe we could’ve figured something out,” Jaemin rambled on, running his hands through his hair in distress. “Really Jaemin? Really? Would we actually ‘figure something out’?” you huffed incredulously, rubbing your forehead as you began to feel your sadness slowly morph into anger. 

“I don’t know if you can recall but back at the dinner party with our family. I don’t think you bat an eye when I was on the verge of sobbing my eyes out in front of you. Hell, you didn’t even talk to me for weeks afterwards!” you exclaimed, clenching your fists on the table, feeling your heart ache in your chest at the sour thought. And the fact that the look Jaemin was giving you was fairly similar to the cold expression he gave you that night wasn’t helping either. 

“I was just annoyed. We both needed time to sort out our thoughts, you know. I didn’t mean for things to get this far and fucked up!” Jaemin shot back defensively, raising his hands up to emphasize on his words. “Well apparently you didn’t mean a lot of things but it happened anyway, so what am I supposed to do, Jaemin?” you couldn’t help but raise your voice slightly out of frustration, eyes glaring daggers at him. 

“Give me a chance to start over? Give me a second chance? I don’t know if you noticed but the tables have turned. I get it, I fucking get it now. I know how you feel whenever I treat you like shit and ignore you, I really do. I just want a second chance.” 

This discussion was just going worse than Jaemin had thought. You two were just plain out getting your pain and frustrations out, thus heating up this argument even more. Thank god the librarian was nowhere to be seen, you both know full well if they caught you yelling at each other, you two would definitely be kicked out in an instant. 

“I’m not having this conversation anymore, Jaemin,” you groaned, rubbing your face against your hands, groaning into them before standing up abruptly and picking up your stuff hastily. “Leave me alone, Jaemin. Please. I just want some time to myself. Time to think about how we ended up like this,” you sighed, avoiding his eyes as you shoved your paper in your bag carelessly. 

“No, you give up on me back then. Now I’m not giving up on you,” Jaemin shook his head in determination, standing up as well to stop you and keep you from leaving so you two can talk more. Jaemin was then taken aback when his desperate eyes met your own cold ones, anger glossed over your pupils as you let out a small grunt. 

“Well I gave up now, didn’t I? I think you should, too,” you hissed back, slinging your bag over your shoulder as you tugged your sweater down and smacked the eraser shavings from your drawing session earlier. “Then can you stop it?” he asked, his voice wavering. “Can you just stop looking at me as if you don’t like me anymore?” he pleaded, his voice becoming small. So small, it was almost inaudible. 

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” you frowned, feeling a lump gather in your throat, your eyes watering as you walk past a hopeless Jaemin. 

“You hurt me so much. I’m starting to et why you hated this whole soulmate system.”

OH DEAR GOD THIS WAS JUST P A I N F U L  TO WRITE. THIS TOOK ME TWO WHOLE WEEKS PLS. 

anyways, here’s something to celebrate my official return to this damn blog. I almost gave up on this blog but my fear of letting people down always got the best of me so enjoy! 

T A G L I S T : @candiednickles @itlittlefangirl @cherrym4rk @gotoartistprofile @d-nghyck @kingjvngins @aconeptun @chaeshii @lixseu @morks-watermelon @12am-musings @cherrystay @lowkeyviv @btm-taeyong @gothmingguk @luvlyjaemin @cowward @smileyyuta @cakelyn @uncovermenow666 @comically-sleep-deprived @wtfhaechan @xcherrybbyx @wishing–butterfly @wordsgodeep @astroboy-lele @sweetmoonlight9 @chwenchew @stuckwithhyuck @yunoelea @angelrenjunie @dae-chan @jenseoull @marklexleaf @yasmini24 @cloudreads @sptegami​ @mango-bear​ @dumplingley​  @bereavedswallow​ @etherealbyeol​ @247byun​

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[cassava-49]

Rose Heart Academy

Marinette clutched on the straps of her bag as she stood in front of Rose Heart Academy. She transferred here after the first semester ended, she had Ms. Bustier to thank for. She was the one who suggested the school and helped her transfer, since she noticed her distance between her and the class. Ms. Bustier tried to talk to her but Marinette didn't say anything until she suggested for her to transfer if she found her classmates overbearing. She felt anxious hoping that the people her wouldn't be like her old classmates back in François Dupont College. The school that drove her out and called her names and lies. After feeling a reassuring pat from inside of her small shoulder bag, where Tikki hid, have her another energy of hope.

She then took out her timetable and map to find her classroom. While she was trying to figure out the map, she found someone lower it with their pencil. She turned to find a dark skinned girl with curly brown locks which reminded her of Alya. She tensed a little as the girl spoke, "You're new here aren't you? I'm Angela de Gand, do you need any help? You look lost." She nodded as the girl took her timetable and nodded as she took her by the arm and dragged her to get Mathematics class. They then stopped in front of a classroom. "This is your Mathematics class," Angela said. "T-thank you, I'm Marinette Dupain-Cheng," she thanked as the other girl nodded and went to the next room for her lessons. She then entered to find the classroom to be twice as large as her old one. It had twice the number of students with chairs like in her old school but with a more university like aura. She then took the back seat since it didn't seem to be occupied.

Once she sat down she earned looks from the others. As she waited for the teacher to arrive she heard someone cough, she turned to find a blond boy with gray eyes staring at her. "That's my seat," he said calmly. Marinette fumbled and got up apologizing as the boy took the seat only to have someone squealing at them saying, "Aww, Felix you have a seat mate now." Marinette then turned to find a brown hair boy wearing a blue and white shirt squeal. "Shut up Claude," Felix said. Marinette then turned to the boy named Claude and asked, "Are there any more seats?" Claude then turned to her saying, "You must be new, but no that's the only chair available, so please take care of Felix. I'm Claude Vernet by the way." She smiled and replied, "Thank you, I'm Marinette Dupain-Cheng." This made his eyes go wide saying, "Wait, like the actual Tom and Sabine's bakery?" She nodded as he squealed 'Lucky'. Once the teacher arrived Claude and Marinette went back to their seats.

After math, Claude, along with a dark skinned boy who was wearing green, approached them. "Hey, Marinette, do you need any help in navigating the school?" Claude asked. She nodded handing him her timetable. "By the way, this is Allan, and that ice king over there is Felix," he introduced his friends as Felix took his bag. "You're in Allan's class next, science right?" Claude says. The two nodded as they exited the room. "Well I guess you're stuck with me Marinette," Allan said. She smiled at him and nodded, still feeling others eyeing her. "Well then see you guys later," Claude called as he and Felix went the other direction. "So Marinette," Allan called her attention. "Do you want to have lunch with us today, so that you wouldn't feel left out," he suggested. "Thanks, but I don't want to be a bother, I'll be fine," she says still finding it hard to trust them. "Are you sure? But if you change your mind, our table's always open," he says as they got into the lab sitting next to each other. "Can I see your timetable, so that I can help you with going to your classes?" Allan asked. She smiled gratefully and handed him her schedule. It seemed like they still have the same classes, with the exception of having Felix in the next, until lunch, but in the afternoon she'd have it with Allegra, then Claude and finally Felix.

Lunch finally arrived and Mari and Allan went their separate ways still reminding her that she's free to sit with them. She smiled and went in line to grab her lunch. She then found a lone table and made a bee line for it until she felt someone touch her arm. She flinched, not trusting any physical contact, anymore. She turned to find Angela smiling widely at her. "Hey Mari," she greeted. Marinette, however, cringed at the nickname she gave her, recalling it as the same nickname her old friends used to call her. "Come on, sit with us," she said as she dragged her towards their table. Despite her protests she was now in the center of the lunch room, seated with other girls she knows nothing of. "Hey girls," Angela greeted as she forced Marinette onto one of the chairs and sat down next to her. "This is Marinette she's new here," she added as Marinette felt the other people stare at her again. The others greeted her and began introducing themselves. "I'm Stefanie Russell," a red haired girl with short hair dressed in a cute pink dress said. "Elizabeth D'Alene," a girl with black hair wearing a pink sweater and blue pants. Come to think of it all the girls are wearing pink. Angela was wearing a pink tank top and magenta jumper shorts. The girls clothing did fit the school's dressed code, it was not that short, but modest.

"We don't usually do this," Stefanie said. "But we could make an exception," Elizabeth added. "You designed Adrien Agreste's hat right?" Angela asked. Marinette nodded slowly, knowing where this is going. "Well since you have a symmetrical face you could do?" Elizabeth said. "But she could still afford to lose a few pounds," Stefanie added. Angela then cleared, "What we're saying is that, do you want to join our group? You are new and you need some good friends. Remember on Mondays we wear pink, Tuesdays skirts, Wednesdays shorts, Th–."

"No," came Marinette's quick reply. "Excuse me? Angela asked feeling offended. "I'm sorry, you all seem nice but, it seems like you only want to be friends with me because of my connections with Adrien," she reasoned. Angela's eyes went wide as she said, "Well that is a mistake." With that all of Marinette's food spilled all over her. The whole school saw what happened and began laughing. Marinette felt so small, it was just the first day and she was already blacklisted. She wanted to cry, she wanted to hide, she should have took Allan's offer. She then felt someone pull her up and dragged her away from the girls who were hysterically laughing. She turned to find a tan skinned blonde wearing a white polo shirt and a violet vest. She then saw Allan put his hand on her shoulder for support, as he glared at the girls. She watched as Felix and Claude approached the girls as she was dragged away.

"Oh, Felix honey, did you just see the transferee, she such a funny little girl, getting food all over her clothes," Angela said once she noticed his presence. She was only greeted by cold eyes and a glare from Claude. "Grow up Angela, this isn't a TV show where you can just be a mean girl or whatever you call yourselves, this is reality," Claude says earning a few oohs from those who were listening. "Come on Claude, you know that's not true, right Fe?" she stated. "If you please Ms. de Gand, restrain yourself from any childish behaviour, you are supposed to be the face of the de Gand company, however your actions speak otherwise, so kindly learn proper etiquette and decorum," Felix ended. With that they left the three girls who were fuming because of how the two stood up for Marinette.

Claude and Felix went back to their table to finish their lunch to find Allan seated there. "Allegra said that she'll take care of Marinette," he stated. After a few minutes Allegra and Marinette came back, with a fresh pair of shorts and a white polo. She guided her to their seat while the others were still looking at her. Once seated Allan slid Marinette a new tray of food. "It's alright honey, they're just staring at you because of the three, not at what happened earlier. Marinette just nodded as she took small bites of her lunch not wanting to look up. "Don't let them bother you," Allan said when he noticed the three staring a hole into Mari. "Thank you," she mumbled as she took a sip out of her carton. The others smiled as Claude replied, "Of course, what are friends for?" She flinched at this as she raised her head and asked, "W-we're f-friends?" The three have her a soft smile as they nodded in agreement. "Of course we are, I mean even Felix over here defended you," Claude said as he puts his arm over the blond's shoulder.

"It was only out of spite. Ms. De Gand must start learning to respect others despite their social standing," Felix said. Marinette then smirked at this saying, "Of course, because you do that to every person in need, right?" This caught him off guard and simply took a bite from his lunch. "Oh, so does that mean I'm different? Or maybe, I don't know, special?" she pushed. Felix then put his fork down and glared at the girl. "If this is the gratitude I receive after offering my assistance, I might as well left you at their mercy," he said. "Such a big vocabulary from someone who looks a tad small," she replied while making her eyes go to a certain area. This made the rest of the group's eyes go wide and laughed at how red Felix went. Even Marinette herself didn't even expect herself to be saying such things, but she still couldn't help but let out a victorious grin.

"Oh my-y G-g-god," Allegra said in between laughs. "It's final, you're definitely my girlfriend," she says. "I can't believe you actually said that to him," Claude says laughing harder than before. "Damn, no one has ever says anything like that to him," Allan added. Marinette then smiled and laughed along with the group. Once the laughter died out, Felix regained his composure and got up from his seat and went over to whisker something in her ear, "I'll let you know that my dick is way bigger than my vocabulary. I would let you see it if you still need confirmation," he whispers and gives her a shit eating grin. Marinette then turned beet red at his comment, making him enjoy her flustered expression. With that he stalked away giving her a flirty wink as she tries to straightened herself. This made her smile, thinking that this year might be different after all.

[rowanwhitethornisbae]

Faking It Ch 3

A/N: I don't remember Aedion’s mom every being explicitly named in the series so I just kinda made up a name. I picture her as being the young cool aunt so that’s just my portrayal, not canon lmao. 

Also I'm going to reveal what happened between them in the next few chapters so send me some theories in my asks!!!

Despite Aelin's attempts to forget about Rowan, the day continued to drag on slowly. First science class, where somehow her brain managed to relate molecular compounds to Rowan's face. Then lunch, when luckily Aedion had managed to distract her with donuts for the short fifty minutes. Now she was back in the last period of the day, left to brew in her own apprehension as the on-screen lecture lapsed by and turned into silent reading. 

Rowan had agreed to drive them both to her house after school, saving Aelin from walking back in the crisp autumn weather. She’d put more energy into her appearance today than she’d like to admit. If Aelin had one thing she love about herself, it would be her style. Today she was wearing a slightly too short wrap skirt and a loose satin black button up which she tucked one side into the skirt. She had chosen to wear her platform Doc Martens, naively assuming she could handle the ankle pain. Her hair was done up in a tight bun and she pulled back her short layers from her face with gold pins. Aelin fiddled with her hoop earrings as she watched the second hand move around the clock. 

“You’ll be fine.” Lysandra whispered, her head still staring down at the book they were supposed to be silently reading. 

Aelin scooted her chair a little closer to her friend, careful not to make a squeaking noise against the marble tile. “But what if I'm not?” 

Lys didn't look up but Aelin couldn't tell she was no longer actually reading. “Then call me and we’ll get white girl wasted and watch pride and prejudice for the hundredth time.” 

Aelin laughed under her breath, images of Mr. Darcy’s hand flex flashing though her mind. “Can you blame me? I’m a sucker for enemies to lovers.” 

Lysandra shot he a conniving look. “Maybe this is your chance to experience your own enemies to lovers?” 

Aelin scoffed a little too loudly and someone behind them glared. “It would be more like friends who slept together to lovers to enemies to awkwardly fake dating to lovers.” 

Lysandra stifled her laugh and went back to reading. Aelin was glad that she had someone to talk to about whatever the fuck she and Rowan were about to do. Saying she hadn't thought several times about putting the breaks on this whole thing would just be a futile lie. Rowan resented her, he’d made that much clear over their very brief and clipped conversations. A part of Aelin was holding onto a hope that today they’d be able to work some shit out at least. If not, she was in for an incredibly uncomfortable few months. If they even lasted that long. 

Unable to focus, Aelin began doodling on the front of her binder. She was about to run out of space when the bell signalling the end of school rang at last. Aelin swung her bag onto her shoulder and grabbed Lys’ hand, pulling them both out of the classroom. 

“Holy fuck you are so pale.” Lysandra exclaimed. 

Aelin released her and offered a small apologetic smile. “I feel like I might throw up.” There was a moment of awkward silence before Aelin spoke again. “Will you walk to his car with me?” 

Lysandra grinned at her. “Duh! What are best friends for?” 

Normally Aelin would've hugged her but she was too focused on not emptying the contents of her stomach on the school floor. Lysandra was going on about something trivial in her attempts to distract Aelin when she spotted him. 

He was leaning against his car talking to Lorcan and Fenrys. Or more, Fenrys was talking and the other two were listening. Aelin approached him carefully, Lys an ever steady presence on her left. 

“Hey.” She said softly. Fenrys’ talking ceased and all three massive males turned towards her. They all seemed to bear matching expressions; disdain. Despite Lorcan’s body language suggesting indifference, his eyes held a hatred Aelin had rarely seen before. 

She swallowed nervously and bumped Lysandra lightly. Lys, thank god, received the message and smiled widely. 

“I’m Lysandra.” She said, her voice filled with fake sweetness. 

“We know.” Lorcan grumbled at the same time that Fenrys said “Nice to meet you.” 

They both then shot each other matching looks and fell silent. “I’m fine guys.” Rowan said at last, his first time speaking thus far. He had yet to look straight at Aelin. “I’ll come over after.” 

They nodded reluctantly and walked away, Lorcan fighting back a laugh at something Fen said. 

Aelin pulled Lysandra into a long hug. “Call me if you need anything.” Lys whispered in her ear. Then they pulled away and her friend was gone, leaving Aelin and Rowan alone. 

“Hi.” She said again. 

He only nodded at her and walked around to the drivers seat of his car. She groaned internally, already dreading the next few hours.

The car ride to Aedion’s house, where Aelin had been living for two years, was deadly silent. It wasn't really awkward, just the type of tension that you were too scared to break in fear of a storm. 

When they finally pulled into the driveway, Aelin unbuckled her seatbelt and was halfway to the door before Rowan even got out. She unlocked the door with a spare key and walked into the house. Aedion and his mom, Althea, lived in a small semi a few miles from the high school. Upon Aelin’s parents sudden death, the spare room had been shifted into Aelin’s room and Althea had taken her in with a warm heart. 

“Althea I'm home.” She called out into the house. 

A voice came from the kitchen. “I made some sandwiches.” 

Despite herself, Aelin smiled at the prospect of food. Without turning around, she led Rowan through the small hallway and into the kitchen.

Her aunt was sitting at the island, munching on celery and dip when they walked in. Upon recognizing Rowan, she dropped her food, mouth agape. 

“Althea,” Aelin spoke through her teeth. “You remember Rowan. We’re going to study for a bit.” She silently begged her aunt not to question it. 

Ever so slowly, her aunt nodded. “Of course. It’s nice to see you again Rowan.” 

Aelin swiped the plate of sandwiches off of the table and handed them to Rowan. “Take these to my room. I’ll be up in a minute please.” 

He nodded and turned on his heels quickly, clearly desperate to get out of this room. Once Aelin was sure he was out of earshot, she turned back to the kitchen. 

“Oh my god.” Her aunt whisper shouted. “Is that the same Rowan who’s dick I walked in on you sucking.” 

Aelin cringed at the reminder. She selectively tried to forget about that very awkward encounter that had traumatized all involved parties for several weeks.

“Yes.” Was all Aelin could manage to say. 

“The same Rowan who’s heart you shattered on my front lawn while me and Aedion watched from the upstairs window.” 

Aelin began tapping her foot. “Still mad at you for that.” 

Her aunt wasn't deterred. “The same Rowan -” 

Aelin put up a hand to stop her. “From now on how about we just assume it’s all the same Rowan. It’s probably wise considering I only know one.” 

Althea let out a small laugh at that and shooed Aelin out of the kitchen. She walked up the stairs slowly, her steps unhurried on the wearing carpet. Upon arrival at her room, she found Rowan hovering over her desk. He was looking at the pictures she had framed, none of which included him. There had been a time, when nearly every single one those pictures had been him and Aelin together. In the heat of the moment, she’d smashed them all on the ground, glass shattering on her wood floor. She’d immediately regretted it, but the damage was done. Over the months since, she’d gradually replaced the photos with new ones. Her and Lysandra smiling from pool chairs. Her and Aedion drunk and laughing at something Aelin could no longer remember. There was one on the far left of her and Chaol at junior prom that Aelin had forgotten to remove. She looked beautiful that night, with a stunning pale blue dress that shimmered in the moonlight outside the venue. Chaol had looked handsome too, but he wasn't who Aelin had really wanted to be there with. 

It was that photo which Rowan was now staring at, his back to her. Leaning against the door frame, Aelin cleared her throat. Rowan whirled around, his face red as if he’d just been caught in the midst of something illegal. 

“I was just - uh...” He ran a hand through his silver hair in a way familiar to Aelin. 

“It’s fine.” She said, waving her hand dismissively. 

They both took up positions on opposite sides of the bed, Aelin at the head and Rowan at the foot. He crossed and uncrossed his legs a few times before deciding at last to lie on his stomach, legs hanging off her bed. 

“This is awkward.” He said, surprising Aelin enough that she fumbled with the sandwich in her hand before regaining control. 

“Yep.” She nodded, and took a bite to refrain from having to answer. 

He shook his head as if he wanted to say more and pulled out a notepad from his bag. “Let’s make rules and a contract.” 

Finished chewing, Aelin halted to gape at him. “Are you seriously going to make me sign a legally binding contract or some shit. Rules make everything less fun.” 

Rowan didn't meet her eye when he spoke again. “I’ve learned not to trust your word.” 

A blush crept over Aelin’s cheeks and she ignored the sudden pain in her chest. She opened her mouth to speak, to say what, she didn't know, when Rowan interrupted. 

“Besides, this isn't about fun. It’s a mutually benefitting deal.” His voice was dead serious but Aelin couldn't help but scoff. 

“You’ve always been good at making fun things sound like physics homework.” 

“And you’ve always been good at taking nothing seriously and thinking only of yourself.” He looked dead at her when he spoke, his features stone cold. 

Aelin froze up and placed her half eaten sandwich back on the plate. “You’re being mean.” 

A smirk crossed his lips, although she read no real amusement there. “My apologies, your highness.” 

“Fine.” Aelin said, turning away from him to blink back a few barely there tears. “Let’s make rules then.” 

-------------------------

Rowan was being a dick. He knew that. And yet somehow, every time he opened his mouth something mean and condescending came out. Clearly, he wasn't as over Aelin Galathynius as he’s convinced himself to be. Sitting on her bed after school, scrawling notes in a notebook and eating sandwiches brought back memories he’d honestly rather forget. Maybe it had been her Aunt’s reaction to seeing him, or the picture of Chaol on the dresser, but all Rowan knew was that somewhere between the threshold and here, he’d turned into a douchebag. 

Currently, Aelin was rummaging through her desk drawer for a pen. She returned a moment later and handed it to him, careful to avoiding their hands touching. 

“Fake Dating Contract”

Rowan scrawled a title messily at the top of the page, trying to ignore Aelin’s eyes on him. 

“So what’s number one?” He asked out loud. 

She tucked a few loose blond strands of hair behind her ear and bit her lip in the way she always did when she was thinking. Unable to watch the familiar motions anymore, Rowan turned back to his paper. 

“Tell no-one.” He suggested dryly. 

“I already told Lysandra,” she admitted guiltily, “and I’ll have to tell Aedion as well.” 

He had already been expecting that response. “That’s fine. I wanted to tell Lorcan and Fenrys anyway.” 

She nodded in his peripheral vision. “But no one else. If this gets out I'll be the laughing stock of the school.” 

“Of course princess. How dare I endanger your precious reputation? Need I remind you that this was your idea.” His tone was mocking, even as his brain scolded him for the cruel words. 

Aelin blanched and shot him a glare. “Don't act like you don't need this either. I’m getting you what you always wanted.” 

 “How are you even planning on doing that anyway?” 

She wouldn't lie to him about this. Would she?

Then it crossed his mind, he had no fucking clue what she would do. There had been a time when he thought he knew every thought that Aelin had. But then she’d broken his heart and altered his view on people forever. His distrust was both justified and entirely her fault. 

“You won't like it.” Aelin said softly. 

“I don't really care how you do it.” It was a lie. Despite his disdain for her, he didn't want her methods to be anything that put her in danger. 

They went silent for a moment before Rowan spoke again. “What are the limits?”

Aelin arched an eyebrow at him. “Limits.” 

“Yeah.” He sat up, suddenly feeling too uncomfortable to be lying down. “Like if we're going to make people believe it then we’re going to need some displays of public affection or whatever.” 

Rowan didn't even need to look to know Aelin was delighting in how red his face had gone. A wicked smile crossed her face, “Are you trying to seduce me Rowan Whitethorn?” 

He couldn't help the short laugh that escaped his lips. “Stop that,” he grumbled halfheartedly. Aelin had always been the best at making him blush. 

“We’ll kiss here and there, go to a few parties together, and hang out with each others friends a few times. It won't be too hard.” She shrugged as if they were just discussing the weather. 

“Alright.” If she wasn't going to act like this was a big deal, than neither was he. 

Half hour of back and forth conversation and a few snide comments later, the rules were complete. Rowan ripped out the looseleaf paper and held it up for Aelin to read. 

Fake Dating Contract

1. Tell two people each ... ONLY

2. No making out for longer than 30 seconds. 

3. No being rude or resentful to each other in public

4. Rowan must fake date Aelin for four months or until she says otherwise. 

5. Aelin must get Rowan a football tryout by week two

6. Rowan and Aelin’s friend groups have to sit together at lunch

7. ANY RULES BROKEN RESULT IN THE SAID RULE BREAKER BEING BURNED ALIVE. 

Rowan had added the second one, much to Aelin’s amusement. She had stolen the paper at the end to add the last one and sign her name at the bottom, handing it back to Rowan to do the same. 

Once both their signatures were at the bottom, he pocketed the paper and stood to leave. 

“You’re leaving?” Aelin blurted out, clearly uneasy. 

“Why would I stay?” He meant it to come out rude, but it sounded more like a plea for a reason to. 

Aelin hesitated for a moment before offering him a small smile and turning away. Sighing, Rowan quickly exited the room, tiptoeing down the stairs and out the door to avoid any awkward encounters. It was only when he got to his car that he realized just how badly he had wanted her to make him stay. 

--------

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[brittle-bone-gabe]

Two Opposites, But Two Losers: Chapter Two - Fancy Running Into You Here

Chapter One, Chapter Three, 

Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak is a first-year medical student trying to start off on the right foot, but being up all night to study and pull through on his assignments increases his need for coffee; this is where he meets his “favorite” new barista, Richie Tozier: an art student with bad habits. (I will specify a possible trigger in the chapter titles if it calls for one).

Pairings: Eddie x Richie, Ben x Beverly, Stan x Patty, Bill x Audra, Bill x Mike

Read on Ao3: Here

Art History certainly wasn’t Richie’s top subject, in fact, if his graduation criteria wasn’t requiring it he would have skipped the class all together. The class had a test today, and Richie was sure that he had failed it for the sole reason he kept erasing and redoing almost all of his answers, even though in the end he usually kept the original answer he had in the first place. Words could not describe how frustrated that made Richie; did he make the right choices with his answers? Did he royally fuck up? Bev was right, he should’ve been studying instead of going out every night… Maybe he’d stay in all week to study. ...Right. Richie told himself that every week but never stuck with it.

You fucked up, why didn’t you just fucking study, you stupid fucking- Richie’s thoughts got cut off as soon as he looked up from the floor, noticing the familar figure walking across the t-hallway, not even glancing Richie’s way. Any and all negative thoughts Richie had were brushed aside, a huge smile on his face as he had a new goal at the moment. He needed to pick on Eddie again. Richie squirmed his way through the group of people in the hallway, racing to catch up to the shorter man, minding his own business, not aware that he was about to be bombarded by a trashmouth.

“Morning Bird!” Richie said loudly, causing everyone in the hallway to turn and look at him, not sure who he was referring to, but certainly gave him that you’re insane look.

Recognizing the voice made Eddie physically cringe, gripping his backpack strap so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He closed his eyes for just a moment, letting out a sigh before opening them again just as Richie managed to catch up with him.

“What’s up!” Richie said just as loudly as he did when he called for him.

Eddie couldn’t help himself as he pinched the bridge of his nose, he couldn’t believe how loud this man could possibly be. He was acting as if he had way too much coffee, which wouldn’t surprise Eddie considering the fact that Richie worked in a fucking coffee shop. He probably got too much free coffee to keep him awake for the entire day. Just spending the short amount of time with Richie this morning had exhausted Eddie, how in the hell did he manage to run into him here, in one of the hundreds of hallways on campus?

“On my way to class…” Eddie mumbled, he could physically feel people’s eyes on him and he didn’t like it at all. He hated having all the attention on him, he felt more inclined to fuck something up and trip over his own feet.

It’s as though Richie couldn’t pick up on how Eddie was feeling, as he continued the conversation as if nothing was awkward for him or anything.

“Oh yeah?” Richie started, “what class ya got, Morning Bird?”

“Behavioral Sciences… And would you stop calling me that? It’s almost two in the afternoon.”

Shit, was it really? Richie checked the smart-watch on his wrist. He couldn’t believe that, it felt like time was going by quickly today.

He laughed. “What else am I supposed to call you?”

God, was he annoying… It was as though he only had one volume setting on his voice.

Eddie couldn’t help but roll his eyes at his ridiculous question. “I dunno… my name?” As annoyed as Eddie was trying to act, he was lowkey trying to hold back his small smile. There was no way Richie would be able to remember his name from way back of this morning, especially how busy the Harvest usually got around eight in the morning. Just to hear him trip up would make Eddie’s day.

“Ah, okay, Eds.” Seeing Eddie frown at the nickname made Richie chuckle, he always had a natural talent for pissing people off just being twisting their names around. Well, in general he had a talent to piss people off, that was his favorite trait.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Aww, cheer up Ed-” even before Richie could finish his sentence, Eddie glared at him, giving him that choose my name carefully look. ��Eddie,” Richie finished, a smile still on his face.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“Nope! Y’know, I never asked… what’s your major?”

“I’m… actually in med school.”

Honestly? Richie was shocked to hear that. He had saw Eddie as someone who would be majoring in engineering. Maybe computer science, but med school? That was so fucking cool. Richie certainly couldn’t keep focus on schooling that long to become a doctor, but anyone who could was amazing.

“Oh… wow. That’s awesome!” Eddie looked up at Richie, shocked at his answer. “So you’re going to be a doctor or some shit?”

Eddie smiled and nodded, and as soon as he did, Richie started rambling away about how cool that was, how he could never do that, but it was awesome that Eddie was able to do it. Eddie wasn’t used to praise from anyone besides his professors about how he was doing in school, lord knows he barely had any support when choosing his major in high school. His mom hated the fact he wanted to become a doctor, in fact, when he had mentioned that med school was on his choice for majors she went insane. She had tried to do everything she could to try to convince him to pick literally anything else, going as far as to attempting to bribe him to switch by offering to pay for his entire schooling as long as he chose anything else. Just because she was a hypochondriac and turned Eddie into a hypochondriac his entire childhood didn’t mean she could dictate his entire life; but in high school, Eddie decided that he wanted to help people, to reassure people that everything would be okay and he could fix them. Anytime Eddie called home just to check up on his mother he wasn’t able to mention school at all, otherwise she would get extremely passive aggressive, turning the conversation into making sure Eddie was making the right choice for his future.  

“What about you?” Eddie asked Richie once he stopped his rambling, “What’s your major?”

Richie laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head. “Ah… mine’s not as exciting as your thing.”

“I didn’t ask that, I asked what your major was.”

Well, Richie was taken aback by how snappy Eddie could be, it was cute though. He smiled at the smart ass remark, though.

“Graphic design, not sure what I want to do with it, but… eh…” he shrugged, readjusting the single strapped backpack that was around his torso. “Art’s my thing.” Eddie’s walk slowed to a stop in front of a classroom, causing Richie to smile even bigger. “Looks like I just walked you to your class.”

“Don’t make a habit of this, Richie.”  

“Uhhuh, uhhuh…. I’ll see ya later, Morning Bird!” Richie made sure to say it loudly so everyone already in the classroom would hear him, they turned their heads to see who was coming inside the classroom after that.

Eddie discreetly flipped him off as he made his way into the classroom, his face turning pink from the embarrassment of everyone looking at him. Well, that was going to make class more interesting. People on the other side of the earth could probably hear Richie and his big fucking mouth.

As Richie walked away, he pulled out his phone from his back pocket. As usual, the first thing he did whenever he unlocked his phone was go to his messaging app, texting Beverly. He texted her, asking her where she was and what she was doing right now, as he could never remember her schedule during the week or what classes she has going on. To be fair, most things go through one ear and out the other for Richie, it was something most people had to deal with when getting close to him, accepting that he will forget a lot of things.

He was about to lock his phone and put it back in his pocket, but Bev began texting back immediately, the three dots were underneath his text on the screen. Richie moved with his back against the brick wall, staying out of the way so others could walk past him in the hallway while he waited for a text back. He stared at it, waiting anxiously to see what she had to say.

-Layin’ down with ben, her text had said.

So she must’ve not had class today… That, or she skipped class to spend time with her boyfriend. Ben worked 3rd shift as a campus guard, Richie couldn’t understand why there needed to be a 3rd shift campus guard walking around the grounds at night, but whatever paid the bills…

-wanna get lunch of somethin’? i got some tea for ya.

-👀 should we meet at harvest?

 Obviously it was a joke, but Richie still audibly groaned just thinking about hanging out there while not on the clock.

-😡 no we have to go somewhere with good food

-🖕

                                                          -----

There was an amazing sub shop that was just off campus that Richie and Bev had agreed to meet at. Of course, Richie was there first, he was anxious to tell Bev about how he “walked” Eddie to class. Besides that though, Richie wanted to spend time with his best friend. Well, no, Bev was more like his sister than his best friend and everyone knew that. They were those annoying best friends who posted each other on Snapchat and Instagram nonstop, but at the same time some people were like “I wish I had a friendship like that.” Nobody really knew what they’ve been through together that made them this close, and it was likely that nobody would ever know that side of Richie anyways.

The two have sat at a table, their food sitting in front of them, but Richie couldn’t focus on eating as he was busy readjusting the many bracelets on his wrists and bouncing his leg. That was the first sign to Bev that something was wrong with him. Although, she couldn’t tell if he was anxious or excited, as he acted the same for either or.

“What’s your problem?” Bev asked him before taking a bite into her sandwich.

“Hm?” Richie hummed, snapping out of his many, many thoughts. He had almost forgotten that he was the one who invited her out because he had some tea. “Oh, nothin’...”

“Bullshit. You know better than to lie to me, Trashmouth.” She grabbed a piece of lettuce that was on her tray, throwing it at him so it got stuck in his hair. Richie fished it out before throwing it back at her. “You said you had tea for me, I’m not hearing any tea.”

“Remember that guy that came in earlier?” Richie asked quickly, trying to contain the smile he wanted to let free.

“Many guys come in, Richie, and you have heart eyes for almost all of them.”

“Excuse me, I do not.” Bev didn’t say anything, she just rolled her eyes waiting for him to get to the point and be more specific. “No, I’m talking about the guy from waaay earlier in the morning.”

“The one you kept calling cute?”

“Yes!” He waved his fingers, pointing at her, “that one!”

“What about him?”

“I saw him after class and I walked him to his class.”

Bev groaned. “Did you walk him to his class or did you follow him?”

“He’s so cute, dude,” Richie said as he sat up, shaking both of his hands so the bracelets fell down to the base of his hands.

“You need a man.”

“I fucking knooooow. Morning Bird is in med school, Bev. Med school.”

“So he’s too smart for you, got it. Better luck trying to find something else.”

“Bitch, fuck you.”

They flipped each other off before sitting in silence once more. Richie didn’t know what else to say, from what he was implying Bev was telling him… she was right. There would be no fucking way Eddie would want to be with someone like him. Hell, the way he freaked out when he saw Richie smoking outside during his small break was evidence of that. Eddie thought smoking was gross, and he was right, even Richie thought smoking was gross, but no matter how many times he had tried to quit in the past it didn’t matter as he went right back to his old habits. They were scrolling through their phones now, but Bev couldn’t help but notice that Richie kept mindlessly itching his forearm that was covered by the long sleeve shirt underneath his t-shirt.

“So, how are things going, Rich?” Bev asked in complete seriousness.

Richie knew how serious she was being because that was the only time she called in Rich instead of Richie, or Trashmouth, or literally anything else.

He shook his head lightly, dropping his hands to the table, locking his phone screen. “‘m fine,” he mumbled, avoiding eye contact. He had to look back up to her when he felt that she was giving him that serious look she gave when she knew he wasn’t telling the complete truth. “I am! I’m fine!”

“Alright, alright!” She held her hands up to him, “I didn’t say anything. But… you know you can talk to me about-”

“I know. I appreciate it.”

Richie began anxiously fiddling with the phone in his hands, waiting for a specific notification to come through. He honestly didn’t want to have this conversation again, especially in a public place, it would just take one person overhearing it and Richie would refuse to ever show his face around campus again. Bev was a total sweetheart, she was there for Richie through thick and thin, as he was there for her too, but sometimes she asked about this specific problem too much. Not like Richie would ever tell her to stop trying to help, but it would clear he would be uncomfortable with the conversation.

The phone finally vibrated in Richie’s hand, causing his heart to do a flip in his chest as he sat up quickly, unlocking his phone to see a text message with no contact name with only a single character in the text box.

-?

“I gotta go,” Richie said quickly, standing up before Bev could even process what was going on.

“Where do you have to be that’s so damn important?” She asked as Richie was throwing his backpack strap over his torso, shoving his phone in his back pocket.

“Gotta meet up with my project partner,” he leaned down, kissing Bev’s cheek. That was something they’ve always done as best friends. “I’ll see ya later, Molly Ringwald.”

“Fuck you, Trahsmouth.”

Richie waved as he quickly left the sub shop, Bev watching sadly after him. She had a strong gut feeling that there was no project partner. She hated accusing and thinking that Richie was doing this shit again, but after what happened she couldn’t help it…

Bev unlocked her phone, opening up their next door neighbor, Stan’s, text messages.

- i think richies slipping again could you talk to him?

                                                       -----

Richie had walked across campus and then some just to meet up with his “project partner.” Yeah, that was such a good fucking cover up… Richie could tell that Bev didn’t really believe him or his lies and he felt like such an asshole for lying to her but he couldn’t help it anymore. He looked over his shoulder as he walked through the main parking lot where hundreds of cars were parked, but picking out which car he was looking for wasn’t that difficult of a task. In fact, Richie could recognize that crappy red car from anywhere as it was facing away from the campus building so nobody would make out who the driver was.

When Richie walked up to the car, he didn’t even knock on the window or anything to get the drivers attention, instead, he just opened the passengers side door and slid inside, closing the door behind him. In the driver's seat sat Henry Bowers; it was no secret that Henry and Richie fucking hated each others guts, but they needed each other so they would just suck it up for the time being. They had been partnered up for a project about a year ago, but stuck together, lowkey meeting up since Henry became Richie’s dealer; a known dealer at that, and Richie was his best customer.

“Did ya miss me?” Richie asked playfully, a smile on his face.

“Shut up, faggot.”

Richie shrugged the insult off. Henry had called him that so many times it lost any and all meaning.

“I want Pepsi,” Richie gave his overused, failed attempt at a joke. Henry only glared at him, looking like he was about ready to punch him in the jaw. “Get it? You’re supposed to say-”

“I get the fucking joke, Tozier. Especially since you make the joke every fucking time.”

Richie swung the backpack around, pulling out one-hundred dollars he kept at the bottom of all the junk in there. He dropped it on the center console so nobody who was possibly lurking around out in the parking lot could see them exchanging money. Normally, as his own rule, Henry would check everybody’s money, but since RIchie’s money was always good he didn’t feel the need to. From underneath his seat, Henry pulled out a brown paper lunch bag, handing it over to Richie underneath the view of the windshield who immediately shoved it into his backpack.

“So… got any plans later?” Richie only asked him because he knew it pissed him off.

“Get the fuck out of my car.”

“Right,” he said quickly, getting out of the car like he was instructed to do. He waved obnoxiously to Henry before making his way back to the apartment to get what he paid for.

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2183

i put a calendar on my wall next to my desk in the yonder to keep track of how much time i have left for my physics. and i have it down to two days a chapter, and if i can keep that up, i'll be done in two fridays. so i'm hoping i can stay focused enough to do that.

anyway, i got to sleep in this morning. when i got up, i sorted through a box of stuff that was in my room and looked through pretty much everything. which proved to be really interesting, if not a little cringe-worthy. i found a journal i kept when i was in middle school. i had a truly horrible crush on one guy in my class named dan and i just. couldn't fuckin shut up about him. it's hilarious but also awful. i remember the day i got over that crush: i woke up one morning and realized the guy was a total dickwad and basically said "fuck it." never thought about him again. incredible.

in my sorting i also came across a ton of things from my time in utah that made it nice. i kept a big photo book and stuck my nice notes in it every week. i wrote a quick summary of important things that happened that week to give context to the notes. the thing was two-thirds full. every week there were new notes. and that's something i often forget about.

i also found in a notebook i had deemed my therapy book that i have been introspective for a long time now, and that church has never really been a help to me. it's always been a hindrance for me figuring out what i actually think, and i pinpointed it out more than five years ago. it's interesting to see how far i've come in some ways and how in others i'm still the floundering twenty-two-year-old i once was. except now i'm 27, have a bachelor's degree, and have friends who i know are there for me and who love me regardless of what i do for them.

i wound up going through most of my old journals, taking a lot of old paperwork i didn't need to keep out, and i ended up layering things back in the box in chronological order, from oldest to newest. so my journal from when i was 6 or something is down there with my journal from when i was 12, which is behind my binder filled with optics notes from my senior year when we took third place in the science olympiad. followed by journals and keepsakes and wedding invitations that i've gathered over the years, finally sticking a single bucket on the top with a few precious things from within the last year.

it was an interesting experience, reliving my life in little ways like that.

after that, i cleaned up the rest of the stuff sitting around. i wound up taking a shower and going out with my mom today - we went to get her some new puzzles, and while she wanted to limit herself to only one, i, ever reasonable, said to her that she'd finish one in four days and she might as well get more. she didn't want to spend a lot of money because it was dad's account and he'd flip, so i offered to buy half. but while my mom was distracted, i paid for all five that we picked out. huehuehue. incredulous at the cash i pulled out of my purse, she eloquently said, "did you steal a bank??"

"no mom, i didn't steal a bank. that would be very difficult."

"that sounded a lot better in my head."

"i know."

after purchasing said puzzles, we went around a little bit for a drive. i now know where i get my "sometimes i need to go for a drive" moods - i get them from her. she just needed a break. which i get.

we ended up stopping for ice cream after driving for a little bit, and we brought some home for pop, too. i went to work on my homework after setting up a new puzzle with mom, and i proceeded to work on not very much material, if i'm totally honest. this stuff is hard to wrap your head around, and while i'm getting it, it requires so much focus and brain power that twenty minutes wipes me out. i'm studying relativity. and while it's absolutely fascinating, i wish my brain didn't give out on me after the literal bare minimum. smh.

anyway, i ended up just chillin for the rest of the night, soundly ignoring everything except for the simultaneous pain from cramps and the horrible sensation of smelling food and wishing to expel the contents of my stomach. so i just stayed there in pain for a while. it ended up passing after a while, so i'm grateful for that because i finally got to eat something about half an hour ago.

so now i'm gonna go to bed, wishing i could stop needing to cram my head with school so i could enjoy my time with joel that comes each week. i'm hoping my tuesday night i'll have another chapter finished along with this one so i can just rest for a bit and watch psych with him without feeling guilty.

[bihsnixr]

Morii Chapter 1

Can also be read on ao3 here

Peter would be lying if he said that eating breakfast with Aunt May and Tony Stark wasn’t awkward. For several reasons. Not only was Tony Peter’s every fantasy, but he was also Aunt May’s boyfriend. If Tony was eating breakfast with them, it could only mean one thing. That he had stayed the night, with May, in her bed, doing the inevitable. At least he couldn’t hear them. However, having breakfast with the man that just ...did that… with his Aunt is a bit too much for Peter to handle. He’s a little jealous, a little protective, and super uncomfortable. Peter didn’t know if he should be angry because Tony Stark slept with Aunt May or because Tony Stark slept with Aunt May. Peter ate his cereal as fast as he could.

“Slow down or you’re going to choke,”

 Peter almost did choke when he heard Tony say that (Peter could think of something else he’d like to choke on).

The smile that flitted across Tony’s face told that he was joking. It’s hard to smile with a mouthful of food. Peter tries anyway. The way Tony tries to stifle his laugh tells Peter not to try again.

One big swallow and the cereal is gone on a trip to Peter’s stomach. Peter doesn’t notice how Tony’s eyes follow its journey. Instead, he rushes to clean up his dishes and get out of the apartment.

“What’s the hurry, kid, are you that excited to go to school?” Tony asks,

“Uh, yeah. Yep. I love school. Can’t wait to go, I think we’re dissecting frogs today.” Peter was not looking forward to dissecting frogs. Did he say too much? Did Peter just make it awkward? He cringed, trying not to make it too obvious (it was).

Tony just nodded and turned back to his coffee.

“Bye, Aunt May!” Peter called out the hall. Peter turned before he left, “Uh… Goodbye, Mr. Stark.”

“How many times have I told you to call me Tony? Mr. Stark was my father.”

Peter was already halfway out the door. He hummed in response and was gone. Tony simply shook his head and smiled into his coffee.

 Peter’s junior year was not being kind to him. He had for some ungodly reason (scholarships) decided to take all AP classes while he was on the debate team, which can be surprisingly demanding. At least Peter wasn’t lonely. He had made a decent number of friends, and he shared classes with most of them. Granted, Flash was still a major douche, but MJ was always a nice refresher. And Ned. God bless him. Ned’s had Peter’s back since the seventh grade; Peter would be lost without him.

“Dude, did you hear? Someone let all the frogs out!” Ned excitedly told Peter, grabbing a seat at the lunch table.

“Seriously?”

Ned nodded.

“Oh, thank god. I was getting sick just thinking about those poor frogs.” Peter sighed in relief. He glanced around the cafeteria - he could tell kids were already speculating who did it. There was something - or someone - missing.

“Where’s MJ?”

Ned’s smile dropped.

“You don’t think…She wouldn’t… Would she?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Peter shrugged. While MJ is usually more of a silent brooding type, she’s also the type who things dissecting live frogs is cruel and inhumane. If MJ really thinks something is wrong, she’ll do something about it.

“I mean, it’d be really cool if she did, but I don’t want her to get in trouble.”

Peter shrugged. The chance of it being MJ was high. Who knows, maybe she’ll get away with it. Wouldn’t be the first time.

The cafeteria doors burst open. The principal walks through, dragging one reluctant young girl behind her. MJ.

“Oh, ho oh you are in a load of trouble now, young lady. Wait until your parents here about this!”

MJ follows her silently, sending a shrug in Peter and Ned’s direction.

“I guess that answers that.”

 After a tortuous day at school, Peter is finally able to go home. He can’t wait to get home, take off his shoes, and watch Netflix. Since all the frogs were released from the science room, they had to write a 500-word essay on why it's bad to tamper with school property. Peter’s glad the frogs are okay, but he could have done without having to write a paper.

Even before Peter enters the apartment, he can smell something cooking. May doesn’t cook often; does that mean that Tony’s here? Peter fumbles with his key for a second before getting it in the lock. Tony is a great boyfriend, but he’s May’s boyfriend. As much as Peter would love to come home from a long day at school and have a home-cooked meal with Tony, and then maybe some more, he knows he can’t. Besides, Tony would probably think that Peter is just some dumb kid. At least, that’s how he treats him.

“I’m home,” Peter calls as he walks inside, kicking off his shoes. As he guessed, Tony is in the kitchen, standing in front of the stove, stirring something. It smells delicious.

“Oh, hey kid. I’m making paella. It’ll be ready soon.” Tony doesn’t even look over his shoulder.

Peter nods, even if Tony can’t see him. Instead of going to the table, Peter opts for the couch. Pulling out his phone, he scrolls through his insta feed. Like, like, like, meme, meme, ad… It quickly becomes boring. Where’s May? Why hasn’t she said hi to him yet? Peter’s about to turn around and ask Tony when he hears the front door open.

“Peter, I didn’t know you’d be home yet!” May comes in carrying several bags of groceries. Peter gets off the couch to help her, reaching for a bag. “Tony offered to make dinner while I ran errands. Isn’t that the nicest thing?” May goes to give Tony a kiss after Peter takes the bags.

“Mhm,” Peter hums in agreement, trying to focus on where to put the milk rather than his aunt kissing her boyfriend (and Peter’s not-crush (crush)).

May moves to leave the kitchen, but before she makes it one step out, she clutches her stomach and grabs onto the table to stop her fall.  

“May!” Peter and Tony both cry out, both reaching for her. Before either can do anything, May is waving them off.

“I just got a cramp, I’m fine. Let me go wash up,” May turns to smile at them, “Then we can have some of your delicious paella.”

While neither man wants to let it go, they both back off.

 Dinner is only a little awkward (read: very).

For the most part, no one really says anything. There’s a bit of small talk, in the beginning, the mandatory ‘how was school,’ or ‘how was work,’ and obligatory ‘it was fine,’ response. The rest of it is spent without conversation, and only the sound of forks scraping plates and the hum of the refrigerator fill the would-be silence.

They all finish dinner fairly quickly; Tony is a great cook.

“Thanks for the dinner, babe,” May tells Tony while gathering up the plates. She does stop to give him a peck on the cheek. Peter looks away (Tony looks at him)

Tony stands, reaching for the plates in May’s hands.

“Let me,” He tries to take them from her.

“Nuh-uh, you cooked, I do the dishes,” She says it like the idea of Tony doing the dishes is ridiculous. “Peter, why don’t you help me.”

Peter just nods, already pushing his chair out.

“And what will I do?” Tony asked, opening his arms to gesture around the small kitchen. May smiles.

“You can stand there and look pretty,” She winks. Peter needs to leave.

Thank god for Peter, the two don’t flirt too much while they do the dishes. Peter works fast, power rinsing the plates and practically throwing them on the drying rack.

When they finish, Peter starts backing up towards his room. And bumping into Tony. Warm hands grab his shoulders, stopping him from leaping away.

“Where’re you going, kiddo?” Tony’s breath brushes against the shell of Peter’s ear.

He actually gets goosebumps, physical goosebumps, from an old man “whispering” in his ear. God, he hates himself.

“I have homework,” Peter tries, hoping Tony will never let go of him.

Tony lets him go, slowly, his hand gliding from Peter’s bicep to rest on his shoulder. He squeezes, once, twice, and then moves away. Peter turns and hightails it to his rooms.

 Peter spends the rest of the evening in his room, trying to work on his paper, and also avoiding seeing May and Tony be all lovey-dovey on the couch. He doesn’t get much of his paper written, because try as he might, he can’t stop thinking about Tony.

Tony standing behind him, his hands gripping his arms. His body heat seeping through Peter’s cardigan, his breath hot against his ear. Peter really hopes he wasn’t blushing. Even now, just remembering Tony that close, practically holding him, Peter’s face heats up.

It takes Peter a while to calm down after that, and after some… erhm… Peter time, he feels like he can finally focus on his paper. He writes about two words before his door is being opened and Peter is so thankful that he was actually working on his paper and not working on… that other thing.

“Hey Pete, just came to say goodnight. May’s already in bed, she had a pretty busy day.” Tony opens Peter’s door wider and invites himself in.

“Yeah, uh… Goodnight, Tony.” Peter shifts awkwardly in his chair, his hands gripping the seat at his sides. He doesn’t look Tony in the eye. Instead, he looks at his wastebasket next to his desk. There a crumpled up tissue and Peter thinks he’s just punishing himself by looking at it.

Tony doesn’t leave for a second, just stands there looking at Peter.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, kid.” Tony finally leaves, the door clicking as he closes it shut.

Peter stops holding his breath, which he didn’t even realize he was doing until Tony left. Oh god. Peter feels likes such a loser. His eyes prickle and his throat feels tight. Is he really going to cry? Peter stumbles off his chair and onto his bed, turning off his light on the way. He curls up under his comforter, trying to steady his breathing so he doesn’t cry. Why is he so pathetic?

Eventually, Peter falls asleep, and he doesn’t even cry! Morning Peter will be proud of nighttime Peter.

 It’s around 2 am when Peter’s door is slowly opened. Light shines in from the hallway, and someone steps inside. Peter tries to open his eyes, who’s coming in this late?

“Peter,” someone sits on the edge of his bed. It’s Tony. “We have to go to the hospital, but we’ll be back tomorrow.”

Peter sits up, his eyes cracked half open. “The ‘ospital? Why?”

Tony’s silent and he visibly tenses up. “May coughed up blood. She says it’s nothing, but I’m going to take her anyone.”

Peter’s awake now. “Blood?” he’s pulling his blankets back, preparing to get out of bed. A hand on his shoulder stops him.

“You don’t have to go with us, Peter. It’s probably nothing.” Tony’s voice doesn’t make it sound like nothing.

“I’m going,” Peter shrugs Tony’s hand off, getting out of bed. “May’s my Aunt and she’s all I have left.”

 Tony stays sitting on Peter’s bed for a second as if he wants to protest. Instead, he just nods.

“Alright, kid. I get it. I’ll let you get dressed and we’ll go.” Tony leaves, closing Peter’s door behind him.

Five minutes later, they’re in Tony’s car, Happy driving them to the hospital. It’s a quiet ride, everyone’s too scared to speak. Tony tried to play it off as no big deal, but Peter doesn’t believe that.

Peter doesn’t like hospitals. The fluorescent lights emphasize how sickly everyone looks, and they bug his eyes. Everything is so… white. The floors, the walls. Doctors in lab coats are loitering around, it must not be too busy at 2 am. There are some drunks who go in and out, but other than that, it’s pretty empty.

They sign in and move to the waiting room. There are a couple of other people; an old lady who sits perfectly straight and taps her slippered foot; some guy who’s passed out, his head hanging over the armrest; and a couple, probably in their thirties, holding hands. Peter sits in an uncomfortable chair and watches the clock slowly tick, tick, tick.

Twenty-four minutes and sixteen seconds after sitting down, a nurse calls May’s name.

“Why don’t you stay here and wait, kiddo.” Tony stands, his hand resting on May’s lower back.

Peter starts to protest but May cuts him off.

“We’ll be out soon,” May says, making Peter close his mouth.

Peter nods, slumping back into his chair.

 After the first thirty minutes, Peter becomes too worried to play on his phone anymore.

When the first hour passes, Peter can’t sit still anymore. He stands, stretching his arms over his head.

There’s a vending machine down the hall, and Peter doesn’t realize he has no money until he’s already decided on a Butterfinger. Peter reluctantly returns to the waiting room.

Eventually, Tony and May return. They don’t look great.

“Come on, kid, we’re leaving.” Tony doesn’t even stop walking, instead, going ahead of them and pulling out his phone.

“So, what’s wrong?” Peter asks, saddling up next to May. She doesn’t look great. 

“They don’t know yet. The had to run some tests, and we won’t know till next week.” May glances at Tony, and there’s something in her eyes that Peter can’t quite place. An arm is slung around him and May is resting her head on Peter’s shoulder. “Come on, peanut, it’s been a long night, and you have school tomorrow.”

 The next day, they all have bags under their eyes. Peter has a piece of toast for breakfast, kisses May goodbye, and leaves for school. It may have been awkward before, but now it’s tense. Peter can’t focus at all in his classes. Ned asks him what’s wrong, but he just shrugs in reply.

At lunch, he doesn’t eat.

 Tony isn’t making dinner when Peter gets home. May decides they should order Thai and watch Jeopardy! No one disagrees.

The night becomes warmer, Peter and Tony actively competing during Jeopardy! (although Tony might be going easy on him) and May just laughing whenever Peter wins. It’s pretty funny when a junior in high school knows more than a 40-something-year-old tech genius billionaire.

“I would like to thank the academic decathlon, and of course, my Aunt May, for making me join.” Peter bows and pretend accepts his winning trophy.

The rest of the night is filled with laughter, and for the first time in a while, Peter feels like they’re a real family.

 For the rest of the week, they all keep trying to distract each other. It’s been laughter and smiles, each one ignoring what they’re thinking about. At night, Tony holds May closer in bed. Peter cries himself to sleep, thinking about if he lost his aunt, the one family member he has left.

 On Thursday afternoon, May gets a call from the hospital. It’s kind of fuzzy after that, only one word makes it to Peter’s brain before his ears are ringing and his breath is shortening. Cancer. Aunt May has fucking cancer.

[lastbluetardis]

Chemical Potential (2/11)

Summary: Slightly homesick and stressed about her abysmal chemistry grade, Rose Tyler meets quirky James Smith, the boy who sits in front of her in their chemistry class. They become fast friends as James makes it his personal mission to help Rose get through the semester.

Ten x Rose University AU

This chapter: ~2200 words, all ages

Notes: This was written for the lovely @thegreenfairy13 as part of the @dwsecretsanta gift exchange. I’ve changed my posting schedule to the middle of the week as AO3 is more frequently down over the weekends, I’ve noticed.

AO3 | Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch5 | Ch6 | Ch7 | Ch8 | Ch9 | Ch10 | epilogue

The early October sun shone brightly overhead as they walked towards the center of the sprawling campus, their joined hands swinging loosely between them. The day was cool but steadily warming, and Rose saw several students carrying jackets and sweatshirts over their arms.

“This is one of the most annoying times of year,” James said. “The mornings are cold but the afternoons are warm. It’s impossible to know how to dress!”

“Layers,” Rose answered, unzipping the front of her jacket to reveal the long-sleeve shirt underneath.

“Quite right,” he agreed. “I can’t wait ‘til the trees start to change. It’s beautiful.”

Rose nodded. The campus had been built into a mountain, and trees lined every walkway. She couldn’t wait to take photographs in the height of autumn.

“What year are you?” Rose asked curiously.

“Second year,” he replied. “And you?”

“First year,” she said.

“Oh, so you must be brand-new to the country and the whole institution of university.” When Rose nodded, his voice softened. “How are you adjusting?”

A dull ache radiated through her chest, though not as fierce as it had been when she’d broken down in the loo.

They’d reached the dining hall, and James released her hand to jog a few paces ahead of her to hold open the door for her. The chivalrous act made her smile. Jimmy had never gone out of his way to hold open doors or anything for her.

James’s eyes were expectant, and Rose remember he’d asked her a question.

“Oh, you know.” She shrugged. “Some days are good, others not so much.”

James nodded knowingly, and when they were both inside, he rested his hand at her lower back and guided her to the food court. The touch sent tingles down her spine.

Rose looked around with interest. She very rarely found herself in this building; most days, she packed breakfast and lunch and had no need to purchase a meal. She thought of the banana and baggie of cereal in her backpack, but when she smelled eggs and bacon, her stomach rumbled, and she knew she wasn’t in the mood for the breakfast she’d brought.

James grabbed a tray for himself and one for her, then he made a beeline for the pancake station.

“Oh, brilliant!” Rose followed him and saw a giant grin on his face. “Banana pancakes!”

Rose smiled at his enthusiasm and giggled when he stacked six pancakes onto his plate. She was more conservative and only took two, then followed him to scoop eggs and bacon beside her pancakes.

“I’m still not completely used to Americans’ love of sweet foods for breakfast,” Rose said, watching James completely douse his plate in maple syrup, covering not only the pancakes but also his eggs and bacon.

“Oh, I love it. I’ve got a bit of a sweet tooth,” he admitted sheepishly.

“You don’t look like it,” Rose blurted, and she cringed.

But James laughed and winked, then moved to the other end of the food court for coffee. Rose followed and got herself a cup of tea.

When they reached the register, James whipped out his student ID card while Rose dug into her backpack for her wallet. James frowned when he saw she’d taken out cash.

“You don’t have a meal plan?”

“Am I supposed to know what that means?”

“A meal plan,” he repeated. “Everyone who lives on campus is required to have one. And even some people who don’t live on campus get a meal plan. Like me. I don’t live on campus but I spend so much time here and sometimes I don’t feel like bringing my own food. I’m rubbish with having cash on me and I don’t like using my credit or debit card for small purchases so it’s just easier for me to put dining dollars into my account.”

Rose bit her lip to stifle a smirk the longer he rambled on. She met the eye of the clerk at the register and grinned when the woman rolled her eyes in exasperation.

“No, I don’t live on campus,” Rose explained. “I pack breakfast and lunch most days.”

“Then here, let me…” James turned to the cashier and said, “All of this is together.”

Heat flooded from the tips of Rose’s ears down her neck. “No, you don’t have to do that. I can pay for myself.”

“I know, but I want to,” James answered, his cheeks going pink. “Please? I’d like to. It’s not every day I make a new friend.”

Rose sincerely doubted that, what with how talkative he was even to a perfect stranger like her.

“Are you sure?” she mumbled.

“Absolutely.”

He handed over his ID card to the cashier, and one swipe later, James and Rose walked with their food to the long wall of windows at the back of the room.

“Thank you,” Rose said softly, following James to a round table that could comfortably seat six people.

“Anytime. God, I’m famished! I usually eat breakfast before class but I accidentally overslept this morning. I thought it was Tuesday, not Wednesday. I’ve got a totally different alarm for Tuesdays. So I didn’t have time to eat.”

James sliced his fork through his stack of pancakes and shoveled them into his mouth. His cheeks puffed out comically and his eyes fluttered shut as he let out a soft humming sound of contentment.

“I love pancakes,” he sighed through his full mouth.

Rose smiled and took a reasonable bite of her food.

“I’ve got another class at eleven,” James warned. “Calc 3. Do you have another class today?”

“Art of the Renaissance at noon.”

James furrowed his brow. “What’s your major, anyway?”

“Art and education,” she replied. “I want to teach someday, I think. You?”

“That’s brilliant. And I’m double-majoring in physics and mechanical engineering.” He paused. “What the hell are you doing in general chemistry?”

Rose looked down at her plate and speared her fork through her eggs.

“It was the only science class that fit into my schedule,” she muttered. “I didn’t think it would be this hard.”

“Can you withdraw?” he asked gently.

“Not without dropping below twelve credits,” she said bitterly. “I’m here on a full scholarship, and they’ll take it away if I’m not a full-time student. So I’m kinda stuck.” She huffed out a huge breath and massaged her temples, her earlier anxiety coming back. “I need to keep a 3.0 GPA, and I can’t get anything below a C.” Tears welled into her eyes as her heart started hammering throughout her whole body. “I’m so fucked, James.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” His chair scraped across the floor until it was butted up against hers. His thigh pressed into hers and he wrapped his arms wrapped around her shoulders, tugging her into his chest. She tensed for a minute but then melted into the embrace.

Tears dripped down her cheeks as he hugged her tightly. He nuzzled his cheek into the top of her hair and rubbed his hand up and down her back in long, slow strokes. She buried her face into his chest when she remembered she’d wiped off all of her makeup and wouldn’t ruin his shirt. She sniffled, and her lungs filled with the smell of him. Sandalwood and laundry detergent and fresh air. God, he smelled good.

“Easy does it,” he murmured.

She let out a shuddering breath, mortification overtaking her. Pulling back from his hug, she grabbed her napkin and blotted her eyes and blew her nose.

“God, I’m sorry,” she whispered, pressing her lips into something she hoped looked like a smile.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said. “It’s okay to show emotion. It’s okay to cry when stressed. You’ve had loads to adjust to in such a small space of time.”

Rose nodded and mangled her napkin in her fist.

“How did you get here, anyway?” he asked. “To an American university.”

“A plane,” she teased, a genuine smile finally crossing her face.

James rolled his eyes and snorted. “Smartarse.”

She giggled, and said, “I applied to a few universities in America. A mate of mine moved to New York last year with his job and really loves it here. I wanted a fresh start. Moving to a different country seemed like a good way to do that.”

He looked at her curiously, obviously wanting more details. She didn’t feel like going into her past with him yet, and she waited to see if he would press for more information. She was relieved when he stayed silent.

“How about you?” she asked. “How did you end up here?”

“I’ve lived in the United States since I was sixteen,” he replied. “My Aunt Sarah moves us around a lot for her job. She’s a journalist and is always moving to different countries, chasing stories. She moved us to the US six years ago. She’s currently in Flint, Michigan doing some reporting. I moved here for school.”

Rose desperately wanted to ask what happened to his parents, but he’d given her the courtesy of not asking for more information than what she’d provided. She would do the same.

Instead, she asked, “How old are you?”

“Twenty-two,” he answered. “Twenty-three in December. A little older than the typical undergraduate student, but I got a late start. I did a bit of travelling, trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. And I honestly still have no idea what I want to do.”

They lapsed into an only slightly awkward silence. Rose trailed her fork tines through the leftover syrup on her plate and James finished the food on his.

“Do you want to study together?”

Rose looked up at him when he spoke, but he was very intently adding packets of sugar to his coffee. One… Two… Three… Four… Blimey, five! He wasn’t kidding about the sweet tooth, she thought.

“I thought it might be nice, y’know? Chemistry is hard, and next to impossible if you go it alone. I thought maybe we could buddy up and help each other through.”

Rose was about to decline. She’d caught a glimpse of his exam score over his shoulder in class that morning—a perfect score. He didn’t need her help studying, he just felt sorry for her. She didn’t want to burden him, no matter how much help she needed to get her through the class. If it was even possible for her to get through the class with a satisfactory grade.

But it would be so nice to have a friend to hang out with, even if it was just to study. She liked James—a lot—and she found herself wanting to get to know him. He seemed like someone she could become really good friends with.

James had finally looked up from his coffee. His eyes were deep and earnest, and she saw absolutely no hint of reluctance in them like he regretted offering to help her study.

“I’m really bad at chemistry,” she warned.

James shrugged. “We’ll take it slowly.” He opened and closed his mouth a few times, then reached out and covered her hand with his own. His palms were hot from being cradled around his coffee, and the warmth felt nice. “I want to help you if I can, Rose.”

Rose bit her lip. What was the worst that could happen? She could agree to study with him and still fail the class and their study sessions would be a complete waste of James’s time. But if she studied alone, she was certainly going to fail the class.

So what if she did study with James and still failed? Maybe she’d get a good friend out of the experience.

And what if—what if—she studied with him and passed?

“Okay,” she said softly. “Yeah, let’s study together.”

James’s face lit up in a delighted grin, and he gave her fingers a sharp squeeze. “Brilliant! I look forward to it.” His eyes drifted behind her shoulder, and his brows lifted. “Bugger. We’ve been here longer than I thought. I’ve gotta run.”

Rose glanced over her shoulder to the clock on the wall. Ten-fifty-five. Oh, right. He had a class at eleven.

“I’ll talk to you later,” he promised, standing up from the table.

Rose smirked. “Yeah? And how are you gonna do that?”

“Hmm? Oh! Er…” He fumbled around in his pockets, first the front pockets, then his back pockets, then finally his jacket pocket until he found his phone. Rose took it and typed her contact info into it. When she handed it back, he tapped on the screen and Rose felt her own mobile vibrating. It stopped after a second when James shoved his phone into his back pocket.

“There, now you’ve got my number,” he said. “Right! Goodbye for now, Rose Tyler!”

“Bye, James. Thanks for breakfast. And thanks for… thanks.” She trailed off awkwardly, but James’s eyes softened in understanding.

“Gotta dash,” he said. He turned away and began walking away, and Rose settled in at their table to catch up on some homework before her noontime class. “Hey, Rose?” She looked up to see James had turned back around. “I’m so glad I met you.”

Rose beamed at him, feeling her heart skip a beat when he returned the smile.

“Me too,” she called out, and she heard a high-pitched giggle before he turned and strode outside.

[kayr0ss]

Appointments Chapter 2: She’s a Little Abrasive

[LWA, Diakko, Small Town AU, Fluff and Slow Romance, Pining™ lol]

Chapter 1 & Table of Contents [Links] AO3

She would have really liked her first, new, friend to be here for the occasion, but Lotte had class and Akko could understand. Besides, they were going to have brunch at a cafe the following morning—and Lotte was bringing a friend!

She was definitely going to master biking today. Any minute now! She could feel it in her bones.

…at least, in the ache of her bones.

A few days prior, Lotte had dutifully brought Akko downtown where shops lined the streets and market stalls set up camp in the few open lots. It was a wonderful experience; they made a girls’ night out of it. By the end of the evening, Akko was the proud owner of a brand-new bike.

Never mind that she didn’t actually know how to ride it. Yet.

‘Yet’ was very important, because whenever Atsuko Kagari put her mind on something, she did every damn thing she could to get it done. She had a new bike, a lot of free time—I probably need a job soon—and nothing to lose. She popped her knuckles, tongue-in-cheek while she gripped the leather coverings of the handle bar. Like a sniper, the brunette surveyed her surroundings. The park was in a state of relative peace, apart from the grade school football team practicing at the center field. She was in the designated bike lane which encircled the field, and the weather was dry and overcast. It was three in the afternoon on a Thursday, only a few locals had come out for their afternoon runs, so she was going to have to maximize the time she had the lane all to herself.

She remembered being seven, sitting cross-legged in front of their TV while she watched a famous triathlete finish the Samhain Cup in record time. The woman said something about believing in your heart—Akko couldn’t remember the exact words—but it was enough to get her going. She pushed the right pedal down, and with excitement in her chest she felt the bike roll forward. When the momentum was enough to keep her upright, she grinned, bringing her left foot to its respective pedal, pushing down on it with renewed confidence because she was going fast enough to feel the wind against her skin!

She was biking!

And then she was screaming.

“Shit!” was an understatement—she completely missed a rock and was unceremoniously tossed off of her bike. She hissed, feeling a sharp, stinging pain at the knee, blinking through the mess of brown hair that had flown forward and covered her face. She pushed herself up on her palms and could hear the bike’s rear wheel still spinning on its axle. At least it wasn’t broken?

“That—”

Akko saw a strong hand thrust in front of her face.

“—was a complete embarrassment.”

“I noticed.” Akko groaned, clasping the hand. She mumbled a small ‘thank-you’ while she was pulled up—her knee was bleeding pretty badly.

“You need to have that cleaned,” the woman pointed out. “Then buy some knee pads. Or borrow some from the kids,” she pointed over her shoulder towards the football team.

Akko regarded her wound with a cringe. She bent downwards, trying to dust off the grime around it, but when she looked up to ask for her name, the lady had turned on her back and was walking towards the field. Akko shrugged, figuring she’d be hanging around the park often enough to see her again anyway.

But for now, she needed to see a doctor.

15:58

Or not. That’s going to have to wait. Skinning her knee wasn’t part of today’s schedule and she had Applied Physics by five-thirty. Soap and a bandage would do, and Akko cursed her luck while she walked her bike back to the apartment; she didn’t feel like sprinting across town again.

By five-fifteen, she was freshly showered and seated in class. Akko did a little dance because ‘small victories count!’

Applied Physics wasn’t as bad as it sounded. She thought it would be full of undergrads like Sociology was, but it seems this was the nightshift class—full of post-grads who needed units in science ‘for formality’s sake’ like her. There were only a few in attendance, and she had acquainted herself with a peculiar girl named ‘Sucy’. Akko had, in her usual fashion, declared them friends out of ‘Asian solidarity’, and honestly Sucy didn’t look like she cared so she took that as a yes.

—

It was a pleasant surprise when she discovered that the friend Lotte was bringing for brunch was Sucy from Physics.

“I can feel the beginnings of a solid friendship!” Akko grinned, starry-eyed while she looked between Lotte and Sucy.

“I thought I was through with this idiot last night,” Sucy drawled, to which Lotte only sighed.

“Sucy and I have known each other for a while,” Lotte supplied. “We’re roommates.”

“You guys live together?” Akko asked in wonder.

“Yeah,” Lotte smiled, “helps cut costs. Tuition is expensive, and I’m trying to finish my degree as quick as possible because I chose to study full-time.”

“I intern at the Chemistry department,” Sucy interjected.

Akko shot her new friend an expectant look, taking the opportunity to observe her appearance. She exuded an over-all ‘I honestly don’t give a fuck’ vibe, and her long, purple hair which mysteriously covered her eye added to the effect. It suited her.

“And?”

“That’s it,” Sucy punctuated. “I intern at the Chemistry department.”

Facts and interests were shared over a brunch of eggs and toast, and while it was mainly Akko and Lotte who did the talking, she eagerly learned more and more about Sucy Manbavaran and her talent in mixing things that either exploded, corroded any organic material it interacted with, or corroded the material before causing it to explode. Akko thought it was ‘really cool’ that she cultivated a mushroom colony underneath her bed, but apparently Lotte didn’t because ‘fungi’ and ‘potentially dangerous spores’.

The minutes ticked by and their drinks had gone cold. The cafe owner—a kind, soft spoken Russian woman—would occasionally join in; Akko learned that Lotte and Sucy were regulars and the owner seemed happy to welcome a new face to the neighborhood. Lotte had ordered and slice of cake (“They are to die for!”), and the group was sucked into a detailed report of Akko’s biking progress and subsequent accident.

“I can’t believe I let you buy a bike,” Lotte massaged her temples. “Let me see the wound?”

Akko pulled her skirt up, and Lotte winced.

“Akko!”

“I think I have something for that,” Sucy had fangs in her grin.

“Sucy—” Lotte hissed, “—no.”

Akko blinked, “but if it helps—”

“Nope!” Lotte set her palm on the table. “You’re going to see a doctor. It’s looks terrible! Why did you leave it untreated over night?”

“I… was late for class?”

-

-

When the door to her office swung open, Diana retracted her pen with a click, looking up from the patient file Barbara gave her with a practiced expression of professionalism. She would nod politely, greeting them a good morning before engaging in small ta—

Brown hair and… red eyes?

“Wait, you?”

Diana didn’t expect the reaction from herself, and apparently her very confused patient didn’t either. She stole a quick glance to the patient file.

Atsuko Kagari F | 24 | Blood type O+ | 161cm | 48kg

“Er—what?”

Her gaze flitted back towards the woman, and it dawned upon her that this was no way to behave herself at work. She cleared her throat and put a cool facade back on, internally scolding herself for the slip-up. “My apologies,” Diana stood to offer a handshake, “there was a woman at the crosswalk some days ago, I may have mistaken you for—”

“You’re the pretty blonde chick!”

Atsuko-Kagari-With-Red-Eyes-and-Blood-Type-O+ had a finger pointed towards Diana and a slack-jawed look of recognition.

“Excuse me?” Diana snapped.

Her patient visibly cringed. “Shit. Not going to repeat that—doesn’t mean I don’t mean it! It’s just my mouth spews out crap before I really think about it and—anyway—what I’m trying to say is I think I messed my knee up pretty bad.”

Diana crossed her arms, choosing not to react because this woman just made her cycle through three different emotions within fifteen seconds. The best defense was a statement of facts, “so you were the one who shoved me in the middle of the road.”

“Yeah,” the other woman grinned sheepishly, looking away while she scratched at the back of her head. “Sorry about that. Was late to class.”

“Interesting.” Diana raised an eyebrow, “and your knee?”

“Biking accident.”

She relented, choosing to let the circumstances of their first meeting slide in favor of the automaticity of a check-up. Barbara had taken care of the preliminaries—blood pressure, vital signs, and other pertinent information.

“Tell me what happened.”

She directed the brunette towards a nearby stool while she fetched a pair of rubber gloves and pulled the lamp closer. ‘Atsuko’ recounted yesterday’s events in a jumbled run-on sentence and Diana felt her exasperation grow because the brunette simply couldn’t stay still.

“Stop fidgeting.”

“But it tickles!”

To her frustration, Atsuko just kept squirming. Diana held the other woman’s knee steady with a gloved hand, brows knitting together in thought while she scrutinized the injury. The surrounding area was red and seemed a bit swollen. She gently put pressure around the abrasion—

“Ouch!”

“Tenderness and pain,” she mumbled. “It’s infected.” Early stages; no pus or liquid discharge.

“So what do I need to do?”

“First off—why did you let it get to this? You should have come in yesterday.”

“You aren’t the first to tell me,” Atsuko groaned, crossing her arms. “But I would have been late to class.”

“Again.”

“Would have been,” the brunette emphasized, shooting a challenging glare to her direction. “And I wasn’t, for the record.”

“Lovely. Will a pat on the back suffice?”

Atsuko frowned, her lip jutting out in a pout, “I don’t need your approval!”

“While this is true, I believe that running around town—constantly late for class—is no way for a college student in Luna Nova to behave.”

“I’m a graduate student,” the brunette huffed.

Diana raised an eyebrow. “Then even more so. You’re already at the professional level, Atsuko.”

“Akko.”

The physician tilted her head in inquiry.

“It’s my nickname.” ‘Akko’ rubbed at the sides of her head. “Calling me ‘Atsuko’ in that nagging voice of yours is reminding me of my mother and giving me headache.”

“Well, Atusko,” Diana said pointedly, “perhaps I should just include an aspirin in your prescription.”

She pulled out her pen in a sharp motion that signaled the end of their conversation and scribbled something onto a prescription pad. She tore off of the leaf of paper and held it out towards her patient, who had snatched it up and was now inspecting it with those big, curiously red eyes.

Those same red eyes which were now narrowed in thought. “I’m not even going to pretend to know what these are.”

Diana almost chuckled. Almost. “Fucidic acid—it’s a topical anti-bacterial. Apply it twice a day for a week after thorough washing, and then dress your wound according to the instructions I’ve written. If the wound begins to close and there’s still pain or swelling, you’ll have to come back and I might need to give you oral antibiotics.”

“Right,” her patient dutifully nodded.

“If there’s pus, or if it becomes watery you need to come back immediately. May I ask where you’re staying?”

“Why?”

The blonde rolled her eyes. “So I know which pharmacy to refer you to. The nearest is along Orion Street.”

“Oh—that’s on the way home!”

“Good. The attending pharmacist is a good friend—”

“Glad to know you actually have those,” she mumbled.

“—named Ms. England.” Diana punctuated, purposefully ignoring the jab.

“Her surname is seriously England?”

“Yes.”

It looked like she was trying her hardest not to snicker but— “we’re in England.”

It must have been her hundredth eyeroll, but Diana did it anyway.

“It’s like… if my surname was Japan,” she giggled.

“Anyway,” Diana interjected, “there will also be no biking until the abrasion heals”

“But—”

“No buts. The wound will open—you’ll just be susceptible to infection all over again.”

“Mou,” she pouted. It was rather disarming. “Fine.”

Diana heard the front door’s bell ring. Her two o’clock appointment was on the dot. Unlike ‘Akko’, she noted with a mixture of annoyance and… something.

“Well,” the brunette blurted out, spirits evidently dampened. “Thanks. I’ll just head out to the reception for my due.”

The blonde nodded, wordlessly allowing Atusko to collect her things.

“Atusko Kagari,” Diana muttered to herself once the woman in question was out of earshot. She leaned back into her leather office chair. “Akko.” What a peculiar woman. They were roughly the same age, with Diana being older by a little over a year, but there was a glaring difference in maturity. And an over-abundance in child-like glee. Which isn’t inherently a bad thing, she hummed. It was… rather refreshing. She deduced that her patient was likely new in town.

“You?!”

The sudden shouting jerked her up in her seat. She leaned forward to get a view through the opened office door and saw that new arrival’s usual scowl was a little deeper today. The lilac-haired woman had an accusatory finger pointed towards none other than Atsuko Kagari.

“You’re the crazy-ass woman who vaulted over my equipment a few days ago!”

“You were the weird-looking computer lady!” the brunette gasped. Then she squinted, rubbing at her chin in thought, “…though I swear I’ve seen you somewhere else before.”

“Did you just call me weird!?” the woman in glasses glowered.

“Holy shit,” Akko gaped.

“You two know each other?” Barbara, who was watching from behind the front desk, looked like she was about to burst a nerve from all the yelling.

“Aren’t you my Physics professor?!”

“If you attend the five-thirty on Thursdays, then yes.”

“How do you not recognize me?” Akko flailed her arms. “There were like, eight of us.”

“Because I don’t give a fuck,” the bespectacled woman grunted. “My job is to teach and give you tests, not hold hands and make friends.”

“But you’re supposed to be a mentor to look up to!” Akko whined, and Diana was amazed at how she didn’t seem to care that this woman was apparently her professor and that she already had two strikes against her before their second meeting in class.

“What are you?” the older woman scoffed. “In elementary school?”

“Why does everyone keep talking to me like a kid!” the brunette cried indignantly, slamming her payment onto the front desk without bothering with the receipt. She dramatically stomped out of the clinic, and the three other women could only watch in bewilderment.

“That girl is going to give me an aneurism,” Barbara blinked.

“Or a heart attack,” her latest patient agreed. The woman let herself into Diana’s office, lazily falling into the vacant chair with her arms crossed.

“Good afternoon, professor.” Diana picked up her stethoscope—this one was a pulmonary case. “Have you been considering your options for cardio exercise? Perhaps light jogging to build lung stamina?”

The woman shuddered, “can’t I just rely on my inhaler forever?”

Diana sighed, clicking at her pen before looking down to review the patient record. This time, it was a regular.

Dr. Croix Meridies F | 35 | Blood type AB- | 172cm | 57kg Instructor: Department of Engineering & Actuarial Sciences, LNU — Asthma & Misc. Pulmonary Complications

One difficult patient after another, she supposed.

-

Hey guys! I just need to clarify that I'm not a medical person so I really just tried to wing the technicalities of this! [Thank you Google and WebMD - but please don't self-medicate using Google or WebMD!!!!!!!!!!]

Thank you to everyone who commented on the first chapter! Your response to it really got me up and writing and smiling silly! Anyway I hope u enjoy ehehehe

@ tumblr ask people: I am so sorry for neglecting the ask requests pls 4give me I will get around to all them [like--6 or 7ish left?] sometime!

[royalbluehues]

Sidereal, Part 7

A/N: So my Physics teacher showed us a clip on the universe. That’s basically what I used. So all in all, your father is Neil deGrasse Tyson. I give full credit to him- but I did try to word it differently, because you know, plagiarism. But it is hard to find synonyms for scientific words. 

@starxgazing Made a beautiful gif set based on the first few chapters of Sidereal, go check them out. 

@starxgazing, This one’s for you. 

Title: Sidereal

Chapter: 7/?

Summary: This is the story of a fallen queen.

Author: royalbluehues

Warnings: There be angst, and science lessons.

Pairings: Loki x Reader

Part 1

sau·da·de (noun)

a feeling of longing, melancholy, or nostalgia

Part 7: Saudade. 

“And you’re sure you’ll be fine?” Bjorni asked, his eyes nearly closing from fatigue. You undid the knot of your cloak, tossing it on a nearby chair.

“Bjorni, go rest. We will speak about it when we both have slept and eaten.” You pulled out the small dagger, placing it on the small table near the bedside. When you heard a grumble and the door close, and you allowed your shoulders to slump.

The room was a moderate size for a guest- the bed large enough to fit five persons. The room was decorated in silver decor, the tapestries embroidered with grays and whites.

You found it a bit too coincidental the king stuck you in chambers with the colors of your family. You walked to the bathing room, where the maid who had guided you told you a bath was drawn. The lavatory was just as incrinate as the main room, with pristine white walls, a chandelier and the whole lot.

A chair sat near the tub, a robe and towels resting atop of a table. A large circular mirror called your attention. You took slow steps, afraid to what you would see.

The woman facing back at you watched your every move. She looked like you. She wore the same tattered dress you wore. She had the same hair color, the same eye color, the same skin tone. When you lifted your hand up to touch your throat, so did she. But she was someone you did not recognize.

Bruises littered your skin- in multitude of colors that should not be be on a person. There was one of Boron’s handprint, where he had nearly taken your life. You could see the crescent moon marks and the raised skin. You began untying the laces of your dress, having to pry it off your skin where it had stuck.

Blood stained your skin. Dirt had overlaid it. Scratches added to it.

Your fears were confirmed. This woman was you.

You looked away in shame and disgust. Your heart was broken, and Boron was happily in your home, partaking in the celebration of your family’s extermination.

The bastard had taken everything away from you, including your dignity.

You walked slowly to the tub, entering it, cringing as your muscles groaned in protest.

Just a few days ago, you had been talking to Dagny about the boy she fancied from the market. Just the other day you were laughing over a conversation with your mother. Just the other day, you and your father had taken a stroll through the gardens.

Each memory was painful slash, more painful that the words of the Prince Loki’s in the study. Your eyes watered as you grabbed the bristled brush to scrub yourself raw. The water around you began turning brown, and your disgust heightened.

You gripped the sides of the tub, pushing yourself into the water. Your senses dulled, and you forced yourself to stay below until your lungs began burning. When you broke through the water, you took in a large breath, wiping the water out of your eyes. You felt around for the drainer, pulling on the chain to let the dirty water leave. Once it did so, you turned the faucet on, feeling the scalding water under your fingertips.

You washed your hair thereafter, scrubbing your body once more, scouring so rough the cuts on your legs and arms reopened.

You walked out of the bathroom, tying your robe, with your tattered dress in a ball. You approached the fireplace, feeling as the water streamed from your hair and down your neck, and stared at the flames for awhile.

Your mother was stroking your hair back. “There will come a time,” she said as she folded the cover over you, “there will come a time when you will take your father’s place in hanging the stars in the sky, and when you will light the moon and the sun.”

She had caught you standing at your balcony when you should have been in bed. You giggled as she flicked your nose softly. “The sun will still be there when you arise in the morning. The stars will still twinkle and the moon will look over you tonight and tomorrow. But for now, you must sleep. Little princesses need good shut eye, lest they get grumpy.”

The fabric between your fingers was rough, your fingers dancing over the few beads that were still intact.

The crown he had been wearing had rolled a few feet away from him. Your mother, whose dress had been torn open along on the bottom was kneeling beside him, sobbing into his hair. Dagny was being pulled out of a carriage by her hair-

You balled up the dress, throwing it into the fire. You watched the flames eat at it, listened as the crackling of the fires grew louder. Your breathing was becoming ragged-

You were running down the corridor, a laugh caught in your throat as you hid behind a large pillar. “This isn’t fair!” Dagny whined, “I’ll never be able to find you!”

You stifled a laugh as you bit down on your small knuckle. You watched as your sister passed you, rounding the corner. You crept up towards her, making sure not to make a sound.

“Boo!” You yelled, watching as your sister jumped three feet in the air and nearly fall on her bottom as she shrieked. You haunched over, doubling in laughter.

“Oh I hate you, you mule!”

You wiped away at your tears, making your way to your feet. You needed air. The night sky of Asgard was beautiful, and you felt a soft breeze against your skin as you gripped the railing. You breathed in a few times, and chocked on the beginnings of a sob.

You sniffled, trying to keep your eyes down and your tears at bay. You had just returned to one of your classes, where you were learning about the stars. The other girls, daughters of the highborn nobles had snickered at you when you asked a question, leaning towards each other to whisper into each other’s ears.

You had caught one thing that caused a turning in your stomach, “And she’s going to be queen one day… Doesn’t understand anything…”

So you stopped paying attention- to the lesson and the girls, the sudden insecurity crushing you like a bug. You heard a knock on your door, but didn’t stand up to open it. “Darling.”

It was your father. You hears the door open, and you quickly wiped your tears so he didn’t see.

“I heard what happened today.”

You turned around, hanging your head. “The other girls… they were whispering about me.”

“And why would they be doing that?” He pulled your footrest so he could sit down in front of you.

“I wasn’t understanding the lesson very well. So I asked a simple question and they started laughing at me. Father, what if I’m not meant to be queen? I can hardly understand the concept.”

“Forget about them. Better that you pay attention and ask questions than gather around like a group of hens to gossip.” His thumb came up to wipe away your tears. “I am very proud of you.”

You knitted your eyebrows, looking straight at him. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Maybe not. But I am proud you are my daughter. I am proud because I know you’ll make an outstanding queen someday.” He stood up, holding his hand out to you. “Come with me.”

You took it, and he lead you out to your balcony, where he crouched down so he could be eye-level with you.

He pointed to the sky, “Do you want to know something that astounds me every time?”

He looked at you, raising an eyebrow. You shrugged, your eyes narrowing. “Do you know that the universe is in you?”

Your knitted eyebrows returned, “In me? How can it be in me? The universe is up there.” You chimed in confusion, “And I’m down here.”

Your father shifted his legs so he could sit on the floor, patting the spot beside him. When you did, he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, hugging your body close to his. “When starts are under immense pressure, when they have high mass, they become unstable.”

You moved your head to look up at him, not fully understanding the message he was trying to get across. “Father I’m not in the mood to hear a lesson at the moment.”

He chuckled, his eyes bright as he held up a finger to his lips. “It’s rude to interrupt.”

You looked up at the Asgardian night sky, the hole in your chest expanding. You could hear your father’s words as if he was standing right next to you.

“These unstable stars explode. And when they explode do you know what happens? They disperse in the sky, creating what we see as nebulae. They scatter carbon, oxygen, nitrogen- and other basic foundations of life except helium and and hydrogen, which as you know, are created in stars. They later become gas clouds. These gas clouds become compact and they collapse, and eventually create new galaxies, already having the necessities for new life.”

You rested your head on his shoulder, looking up at the night sky, watched the stars wink down at you.

“Every time you look at the sky, I want you to remember that though you are in this universe, the universe is in you. Every particle of your being came from those stars.”

Loneliness crept up behind you, engulfing you in his presence. You couldn’t fully accept the fact that they were gone. But they are, and I saw their dead bodies.

Raising a hand, you placed it above your heart in vain attempt to take away the pain that was there. How could such emotional pain hurt as if something physical lashed at you?

Your chin quivered, and the lump grew.

The words of seer resurfaced, and the hairs on your body stood. “The Norns have already decided on a day. Though, they will not allow me to see when… All men die, my Princess. But yours will come soon, the Fates have promised me.”

Somehow you knew now he wasn’t being literal, because you have surely died already. You died long ago.

You died when you saw the lifeless body of your father, the headless bodies swinging in the cold night.

You turned around, behind you, the moons of Asgard became transparent, fading into nothing, the stars above dwindling one by one.

Inside you, the last fragments of your heart broke away, leaving behind a numbness. You slid under the covers, your wet hair leaving pools of moisture behind on the pillows. You wrapped your arms around yourself, to hold yourself together, to offer yourself just a bit of comfort as another quiet sob racked through you.

The seer’s words were true. The Norns truly have kept their promise; your death just came much sooner than expected.

Part 8: Miserly.

Part 1: The Ascent.

Previous Chapter

Masterlist

*Let me know if you’d like to be in the tagging list!*

Sidereal Permanent Tag List:

@i-venoidea, @jedionironthrone, @marty-the-flying-bison, @theyfckup, @antisocialtrashpotato, @deputy-orange-juice, @celestialmommy, @blackcat995, @mala-firebringer, @starxgazing, @sweetlytenacious25, @beanie-boy-jones-iii

Loki Tag List

@starxgazing, @jedionironthrone, @sweetlytenacious25

[proxylynn]

Dreemurr Academy #1 (FellSwap Papyrus)

Dreemurr Academy, a prestigious closed-off college for monsters and humans alike of all ages and worlds.

This includes myself, though I'm sort of a in-between.

I'm Lynsie, the human anomaly. I'm a human, but I can do magic like monsters. I'm an oddball.

That's the thing about making a school that is open to multiple alternate dimensions. Weird things are bound to show up. Even a bunch of the same person. From what I saw on orientation day, the same faces are scattered around all around.

To fix these type of issues, everyone that has a multiple or doppelganger is given a school name so there's no confusion.

Other than that, it's fairly normal. The hierarchy is the simple.

The Deans are made up of the same people, skeleton monsters that go by the name of Gaster. One is a teacher of the Sciences, goes by Wingding. He's a kind and understanding man, but is known to pull a prank or two. They all speak in a typeface sign language but use telepathy magic so others understand. It's been said no one has ever heard their real voices and those that have are no longer at the academy.

Another Gaster dean teaches Home Economics, he goes by Wingy. He's a bubbly sweet guy that loves his work. Nothing makes him smile more than seeing the joy on a student's face when they take pride in being able to do something they first thought they couldn't.

Another Gaster dean teaches the studies of Magic, he is called Fall. At times, he can be cynical, malicious, and sarcastic. He has a commanding presence that exuded gravitas, authority and control, able to keep a class quiet without effort. Yet there is a kindness to him, it's rarely seen, but not unheard of.

Another Gaster dean teaches History, his nickname is Dings. A cold, bitter, and sometimes childish man. He tends to hold grudges against troublesome students and is extremely spiteful toward those whom he dislikes. Yet those that can take his punishments are rewarded with his respect. He is a teacher that commands respect and who's grades are earned with doom hanging over your head.

The Professors are also skeleton monsters, but not all are the same person. The Psychology professor is a guy named Papyrus but goes by Stretch. He's the favorite among students because he's so laid back. He chews a tooth pick in class to suppress his urge to smoke, but we all know he does so when on break. He's really good at reading students and helps out when able. All in all, he's the cool teacher.

The Literature professor is a Papyrus that is called Fell. He is the one teacher everyone dreads. Very strict and old fashioned. He does not tolerate interruptions and will humiliate those he feel need to be taken down a notch. Such things take there toll on him and often squeezes a stress ball that he keeps in his desk. But he is a very passionate man when it comes to his work and takes his subject seriously, even though this makes him into a bit of a grammar nazi which is why many students get low grades.

The Biology professor is a skeleton called Sans that sometimes goes by Classic, whatever that means. He is very cheesy and comes off as lazy, making puns that have people cringe yet secretly love them. He is very protective of his students and will go out of his way to help them. He does not tolerate bulling of any kind and can be quite scary. He's the second favorite among the students.

The Physical Education professor is also a Sans that goes by Pain. He is also a stern and old school type of teacher, only he tends to be more cruel in humiliation of students that are unprepared. While his scope is all around, he prefers the darker side of the study. Using borderline violence to weed out the weak that think taking his class is a easy A. There is mercy in his dojo, but it must be earned with blood, sweat, and tears.

The Students are broken into four groups based on which part of the four years they are currently in. The first years are called freshmen. Second years are sophomores. Third years are juniors. And fourth years are seniors. There are some variations on this topic, but this hierarchy of college students is still readily recognizable by everyone.

Me? This isn't my first rodeo but not my last. I'm a sophomore and have gotten the gist of who's who and what's what. I get along with students and teachers. I've always been a middle ground type of girl.

I didn't come looking for friends, but they just seemed to find me. Funny enough, my buddies are the brothers of the professors. Stretch's brother is a freshman, his name is Sans but goes by Rascal. Fell's brother, also a Sans, is a sophomore like me and goes by Edgy. Classic's brother is a Papyrus, a freshman that goes by Papy. And Pain's brother is a sophomore Papyrus by the name of Slim.

I've always been a tomboy. I prefer the guys company. They're different and fun, even if they can be a bit odd sometimes.

Rascal, as the nickname implies, is the school clown/prankster. He likes to test his limits and challenge authority, even dishevels his uniform to assert his individuality. He comes off as a slacker, but secretly very deep, clever, and loyal to a fault. He likes taking his brother's class so he can improve his skills with messing with people, mostly his brother as he disrupts his teachings when he sees a chance.

Edgy is shy around new people and slow to open up, enjoying a laugh with friends when able. Though he appears weak or even nerdy because of his glasses, he is far more tougher than he leads on. He doesn't take crap from anyone. When alone, he's angsty and borders on straight up angry. Getting a pissy attitude when annoyed. Like his brother, he is very passionate about literature and does his best to impress his brother, going so far as to become the teacher's pet.

Papy is easily the most loveable guy in the whole school. Very cheerful and optimistic, he tries his best no matter what. He doesn't like conflict and tries to keep his brother out of trouble when the teacher pulls a prank. I find it sweet of him to take his brother's class even though he doesn't particularly enjoy it, just so he can stay close to him. Like I said, this guy is a loveable soul.

Slim is easy going. He doesn't take things too seriously and never breaks a sweat over hard exams. The only thing that breaks his cool is his smoking, he really gets tense if he goes too long without his fix. He's incredibly smart and instinctual, good traits to have when dealing with his brother. While he does attend his brother's class, he merely does so as a request of his brother who likes to make sure he doesn't slack off due to not being challenged enough.

All of them are oddly related to each other in some form. Gaster's, Papyrus's, and Sans's are brothers. Yet I see them all as different people. I value them. They're helping me even if they don't know it. I am not so confident in myself. I tend to isolate myself, go at things lone wolf style. It's how I've always been. Then I met them and slowly my world began to expand bit by bit. I'm still not comfortable with others. But with them, I can step out from behind my mask for a bit, and really be myself around them.

Today is a typical day. Classes have so far been good. Again, knowing how to get by and being ready for them helps big time. Right now it's lunch break and as normal, I eat on the roof, away from others. I found a way to get up here not long into my first year and I treat it as my personal escape. My island in a sea of uniformed faces. I don't really care for the uniforms. Girls have to wear skirts, I hate it because of perverts taking up-skirt pics.

Finishing my sandwich and sipping on a soda, I look up at the sky. The wind is blowing gently but dark clouds are moving in fast.

"It's going to rain today."

"you know what that means, don't you?"

Slim sparks up a smoke as he comes through the door. He and a few of the others know about this spot.

"Yeah. In-door P.E...You think your little bro will do swimming and not that shitty rope thing or doge ball?"

"*puff* don't know. but you know him. he likes to make others squirm."

"That's true."

He comes over and sits beside me.

"though i know i wouldn't mind if we did swimming."

"Why?"

"to see the girls in their swimsuits of course."

"Heheh...Why am I not surprised you'd say that, naughty bones."

"because you get to check me out too, silly sinner."

We share a lighthearted laugh. Out of the four of them, I'm most open with Slim. His nonjudgmental calm attitude puts out a safe vibe that has me like a book he can easily scroll through and I'd know he wouldn't share it's contents. I value how he is with me and it means a lot that he lets me do the same.

"Can I ask a personal question?"

"what about?"

"What got you into smoking?"

He looks at me funny.

"why?"

"Just curious. I understand the chemical reason for why you keep smoking. But I don't get what makes someone start."

"am i the first person you knew that smoked?"

"Nope. Most my family does. But you are the first person I've known with a real gold fangs. Edgy is second with only one."

"heh...and you never tried smoking yourself?"

"Never. That goes for any drugs or booze too."

"man...you're really clean cut. *puff* but if you want...i can bum you one to try."

"Heh...Nah man. I'm cool."

"that you are. *puff* i don't remember why i started. wish i had a better vice than this...like you."

"What do you mean?"

He looks surprised, a small hint of color dust his cheekbones and he waves me off.

"nothing."

What was that about?

"can i ask you a personal question or two?"

"Sure."

"first...why do you try so hard in my big bro's class?"

"I don't. Why?"

"you're his favorite student. i hear him at home when he's grading papers...*puff* what is wrong with these morons?! why aren't they half as smart as lynsie?! i need more students like lynsie!"

I snicker.

"Please, I'm not that smart. You're way smarter than me. He just likes the detail I give. Remember when he had me explain what the difference between a judas cradle and a spanish donkey was?"

"heheh...yeah. you made six people puke and he kicked them out of class for not having the stomach to handle the gory truth."

"Yep...Bad luck for them it was pasta day in the cafeteria. Bet the janitor would hate me if he knew."

He laughs and takes another huff of smoke.

"So...What was the other question?"

"huh? oh...right. so...me and the guys were wondering something. *puff* are you seeing anyone?"

I nearly choke on my soda.

"Dude...For real?"

"we pulled straws to see who would come find you to ask. luckily you only go to one place and i can smoke here."

"Wow...And we're talking the gang here? All four of you guys?"

"i can't speak for everyone. well papy is still unsure, but he wouldn't mind going on a date to see what it's like. *puff* but me? ...can i try something?"

"Sure man. I trust you."

He slowly puts his hand on mine and tingles shiver up my spine.

"Whoa..."

"what? you felt something?"

"Is that normal?"

He blushes and his eyes seem to hold more life than his normal lethargy. Is this a good thing?

"yeah...just...*takes one last long drag then puts his cigarette out* let me do one more thing."

He brings his other hand up to move some hair from my face and cups the back of my head, slowly pulling me closer as he leans in, making me blush deeply when we kiss, sending more tingles into me.

My eyes flutter as he lingers, even with my mouth closed I can taste him, smoke mixed with a hint of barbecue sauce, weird yet oddly good, he pulls away just a couple inches and licks his teeth cooly.

"did you feel anything from that?"

He kissed me? He really kisses me? My brain can't process this.

"Uh-huh..."

"was it good?"

"I...I think so..."

"...was that...was that your first kiss?"

"N-no. I kissed before. I think I was...seven or eight? It's just...This...It's different. It...That had feeling."

He looks me in the eyes and smiles as he presses his forehead to mine.

"god you're cute when flustered."

"Don't tease me bonehead!"

"or you'll what?"

I shrug.

"Don't know. I got nothing."

"heh...adorable."

"Don't do that."

"do what?"

"You're treating me different. Stop it."

"so you'd treat me the same even if you liked me?"

"Yeah. Sure, I'd show a bit more affection than I normally do, but I wouldn't change everything just to win you over. I'd want you to want me for me."

"lynsie...i want you."

He claims my lips again, only rougher, and when I move to push him for breath he breaks away on his own when it starts to drip from the sky. Still holding my hand, he pulls me back into the building and once we're inside he shoves me against the door.

"S-slim?"

"don't be scared. i just want to be with you a little longer before we head back."

"Sorry. I'm not used to this kind of thing."

"used to what? a guy wanting you?"

"Pretty much, yes."

"...you make it really hard not to want you when your innocence screams 'oh papyrus, take me now, i need you and your loving'."

I can't help the giggles that escape me.

"I'm sorry...But that's funny as fuck..."

"okay, i get it. you're not interested in me."

"Hey! I never said that."

He eyes me.

"so...i have a shot?"

I blush.

"You and the guys have a better shot than anyone else here."

"then...if i were to, oh i don't know...ask you out?"

"I'd be fine with that."

"yes!"

He laughs in victory.

"then how about you and me get together, oh, let's say...after school today?"

"Heh...You really want this, huh?"

"i've wanted you since last year."

"What made you come out like this then? I mean, you didn't really seem interested in me like that before."

"i didn't think i'd have competition. it was just you, me, and edgy. he, to me, didn't seem like he was interested in dating. my plan was that i was going to slowly woo you. then rascal and papy joined the mix. while papy is as innocent as you, rascal on the other hand...he's the troublemaker in this. instigating the others to try for you. and hearing them talk about planning on asking you out...hell, a guy's gotta make an effort when he needs to, you know?"

I can't help but smile.

"Now who's the adorable one?"

"what?"

"You got jealous."

"...i am not jealous."

"No, but you got worried that one of them would get to me before you. That's cute of you to care that much."

He blushes and looks at me as if I've smacked him.

"Slim? You okay?"

I bring a hand to his face in concerned comfort and the second skin touches bone his eyes flash blood orange.

Next thing I know, I'm now on the wall next to the door, pinned there in the strong embrace of his arms and body pressing into me, his mouth smothering mine in a heated kiss, even snaking his tongue in when I gasp for air.

His hands, one is kneading into my spine while the other laces itself into my hair, his ribs are pressed hard to my chest and one of his legs mingles between mine, slowly rubbing them together, making me feel weird yet slightly good from all the tingles swarming my body.

"mmmmmm...you taste so sweet.~"

"Slim..."

"too much? do you want me to stop?"

He flinches when I put my arms around him.

"Slim...This feels really nice."

He breathes a sigh of relief.

"oh thank god...i thought i fucked up."

"You okay though? You're really flushed and wa-! *sheepish laugh* Getting eager there huh?"

He had pressed his hip to my own.

"sorry. i've just wanted this for so long. *shudders* look at that...we fit together."

"Careful naughty bones. You don't want to get caught now, do you?"

"actually...that's kind of turning me on~. besides..."

He leans into my ear and nibbles it lightly.

"who's going to bust us~?"

"There's not a lot of time before the bell rings."

"then maybe we shouldn't waste anymore time~."

He kisses his way down my neck, licking and nipping at the skin, making me shudder much to his delight.

"spread your legs for me baby~."

I flinch.

"Y-you can't be serious? Here? Now? We just started this relationship thingy."

"shhhhh...it's okay. i won't rush you. i just thought i'd give my girl a good time~. but...nothing would make me happier than to hear you bliss out and say my name. *humps* over...*humps* and over...*humps* and over...*humps* and over again~."

The way he moves his body against mine has my head lulling back and he knows he has me now.

"so lynise...do you want to have a good time with me~?"

"Fuck Slim...*lip bite* Why do you have to be so damn tempting?"

"heh...well you know what they say...patience and persistence make an unbeatable combination for success."

"Damn it smartass..."

"yes~?"

"...Not here. Outside."

"in the rain?"

"It'll take the scent off and make it less suspicious as to why we'd look like a mess."

He looks at me in shock.

"that...makes sense."

"One of us has to think ahead and not with their boner."

"...i'd laugh if i wasn't holding back taking you right here."

"Get to walking numbskull. Before I change my mind."

He grins excitedly and can't open the door fast enough, ushering me out into the now pouring storm before returning to me. He loosens his shirt collar and tie then kisses me deeply, pulling me to him.

"to be honest, i didn’t think you wanna do this. what with, you know...me, being a skeleton and all."

"*sigh* Slim, I could care less if you're a skeleton. Hell, in all honesty that increases your odds. I'm not interested in other humans."

"really?"

"Yeah. I've never seen monsters in the same way as humans. Monsters are just so...What's the word...Enticing? But in your case...Dude...I've seen girls check you out. You are a fine set of bones."

"awww...you flatterer."

"No. I mean it. Any girl would be lucky to land a catch like you. You're smart, funny, handsome..."

He cuts me off with sudden hungry kiss.

"only you can have me babe. i want only you."

"...Damn you and your alluring skeletal ways!"

I pull his tie and kiss him back much to his surprise. But he is quick to keep it going, adding tongue and earning him a slight moan from me.

"now aren’t you all excited and ready. heh...well little missy...shall we get to it then?"

"You're getting off on this aren't you?"

"you have no idea~."

He chuckles before kissing me again. Moving to feel along my body, taking in every curve and enjoying the sounds he's able to pull out of me.

"mmmmmm~. *huffs* here, let me just..."

He moves me so my back is on the wall and he unzips his pants. Freeing his blood orange magical erection. My jaw nearly snaps off. Dude...Is...Huge!

"there, much better. *snickers* hmmm you look surprised."

"Dude...You are going to break me."

He seems proud of my words and leans in on one arm over me.

"i promise to be gentle babe. i'd never hurt you. *kiss* now...spread your legs a bit."

This feels so weird, but I do as requested.

"yeah...good girl."

"You really are getting off on thi-Shit!"

His free hand has wandered down between my legs and rubs into my underwear before letting a finger slip under the fabric to touch me. My reaction earning him satisfaction.

"oooh, you're really wet down there~. seems i'm not the only one getting off on this."

"M-maybe a little."

"heh...such a silly sinner you are."

He brings his hand up to his mouth and sucks on the finger that touched me with a shit eating grin.

"and a tasty one too~."

I almost pass out from the amount of blood rushing to my face. But he keeps me stable with his kiss. His gentleness and soft touches lull me under his spell. His fingers return to teasing me down there and I mewl.

"o...you like that? then what if i...press...a little...deeper...*penetrates* how...does this...fe-ohhh...hoooo wow...squeezing on me already? such a naughty girl you are~."

He chuckles and buries his face into my hair as I shudder against him.

"S-slim...fuck man...It's so good...Slim..."

"hhnmm your voice is so sexy...ghnn...let me see those lips. *hungrily kisses while he touches me*"

"*moans into the kiss* You drive me crazy..."

"heh...is that a bed thing?"

"Not one bit."

"hehehe...mmmm...i'm gonna slip another finger inside...okay?"

"O-okay. *sharp gasps into a low moan*"

"hmm...ahhh that's my baby...hhnmm i could listen to you sing all day..."

I get a little bold and reach down to touch him.

"*gasp* l-lynsie?"

"I'm sorry. I just thought..."

"n-no...just wasn't expecting you to do it. please...keep going~."

I smile and grant his wish, making him keen. Now I see why he was enjoying this so much. This sense of control and feeling of pride, knowing you are the one that is making this person feel pleasure...It's sexy...He rocks into my hand, tongue starting to dangle out as the pleasure floods him.

"ffffuck...h-have you done t-this before?"

"First time."

"s-scored the fucking j-jackpot with you...gonna move my hand a little faster babe...gotta get you on my level haha...ghhn...ahhh o-oh...*speeds up his fingers*"

"Oooooh...Slim...Aaah-aaah-oooh...Yes...Yes..."

"oooo...haha, mmmm you're likin' that a lot, huh?"

"Yes...Fuck yes...It's so good...You're amazing!"

"hmmmm...that's my baby...my sweet baby doll...ooooh...your legs are shaking...hhnmm...you're gettin' clooooseee...*deep groan*"

He removes his fingers from me and I whine desperately at the loss of contact. But he just snickers at me and removes my hand from his length with a hiss. After all that stimulation we need more and he gets kind of aggressive.

"alright kitten, arch your back."

"What?"

"lift your hips...now."

I move as he tells me and he reaches down, one hand hold's his member while the other moves my underwear out of the way. Taking aim, he pressed it to me, moving the tip to stir in my juices and gets it slick before slowly pushing the tip inside.

"yeah, that's it...that's my girl. i'm sliding right in."

"Slim..."

"no! use my name. my real name."

"Papyrus."

He shudders hard before lifting me off the ground, pinning me to the wall and shoving the rest of his length inside, making me grip onto him tightly, my legs pretzel around his hip, as a wincing moan of pain escapes me.

"*groans* oooooh, yeah~. there you go...all of me is yours now~. *moans* mmmmmm...so tight and warm~. i didn't hurt you did i?"

"*whimpers* So big...H-how are fitting in there?"

"...are you...were you...a virgin?"

"The word 'was' being the...*hiss* operative word..."

He frowns and nuzzles into my cheek.

"this really is your first time...i'm sorry baby. let me make the pain go away."

He peppers me with soft kisses and nuzzles, doing his best to sooth me. Slowly his care starts to work its magic. Mostly because he is using magic to add a little healing into his actions.

"how you feeling now sweetie?"

"Better. Still sore..."

"it'll get better, i promise."

"Okay...*shaky breathes* Y-you can move."

"are you sure?"

"Yeah...*gulp* Let's do this...Papyrus."

Saying his name gives him the push he needs to start moving, slowly easing himself out to the tip and pushing back in as careful as he can. The pain lingers for a bit, then it gives way to all sorts of good feelings. The tingling sparks that come from just touching him flood me till all I know is pleasure. And seeing me enjoy him lets him know he can go faster. Letting himself give in to the ecstasy of it all.

"s-such a g-good girl...m-my girl...*moaning* oh yeah, there ya go...oooooh...there ya go, you like that huh~?"

"*groaning* P-papyrus...I'm y-yours...Yes...Yes, don't stop~."

I try rocking my hips in his grip and he thrusts into it, increasing our moaning.

"oh yeah...oh, there ya go...there's my baby! oh, oh yeah, you're so beautiful, you're so great!"

"Yes...Oh Papyrus...It's so good! Take me! I need it! Harder! More please!"

"oh yeah...come on lynsie...you can moan better..."

He thrusts particularly hard and I almost scream.

"there ya go, ah, there ya-ah god! oooh...oh...oooh lynsie..."

"P-papyrus...So hard...So tight...So hot...Oooooh...Ah...Aahh..."

My stomach is tightening and I can feel him starting to twitch inside me, his thrusting getting crazy.

"Sl-P-papyrus...Getting tighter...It hurts..."

"oh yeah? my baby's getting close?"

"I need you~!"

"beg for me...beg me to help you cum~."

"*needy whimpers* Papyrus..."

"yes~?"

"Baby needs you to help her feel good~."

"hi want you to cum for me lynsie...hhhnn...i wanna hear you cry out...cry out my name as you let go..."

He shudders a moan and steals my breath in a mind blowing kiss. His hips start slamming into me at a hectic speed, wanting to take me over the edge and finish with him.

"lynsie...are you ready huh? are you fucking ready?!"

"Yes Papyrus! Yes please! *groans* Please give it to me!"

"*moans* there ya go, good girl!"

I can feel it, this tightness is just about to snap. My arms and legs are practically crushing around him. My sight blurs out and everything clenches up.

"Papyrus...I think...Aah! I'm about to..."

"ayeah...let me hear that hot release...cum for me baby..."

"A-Aahhnn...Ooh f-fuck yeesss...yeah...Ohnn...mnhnn...Ahhhn..."

"o-oh, oh god! oh god, i'm gonna...i'm gonna, i'm gonna cum!"

"Aaahh...Papyrus! ! Aaahhnn ahhhh...ooohh...ooohhhh y-yeeaahhh...Ahhhhnn..."

He bites down hard on the crook of my neck with a yell of my name and pounds into me as climax hits us both. The tightness undoes as fluid gushes from me and mixes with the hot load of liquid magic that is sent flooding into my core. He keeps moving for a little bit, small sallow thrusts to ride out our duel release and makes sure every drop was milked into my body.

Weakly, he pulls his mouth from my neck and I wince at the feeling of his sharp teeth leaving my bloody flesh. Gently he laps at the blood, his tongue coating the wound in healing magic to stop the bleeding and sooth the pain.

"ahn, yeah...so g-good...i c-came inside...you're such a good girl...oh god i'm s-still c-cumming!"

"Heh...P-poor baby...You have so much l-love to give...Mmmm...Give me all of it...It feels so good~."

"hehehe...careful babe. if you keep takin' sexy like that, i might just start this party again."

"Mmmm...I wouldn't mid if you did~."

Still connected, he chuckles as he waits till he's done emptying his load. Slowly we recover, the panting we were doing eventually returning to normal before he sets me back down on my shaky legs and rubs my cheeks tenderly, making me purr with a smile.

"oh yeah, you're my girl alright. and you always will be..."

He tilts my neck and kisses the bite mark he made.

"my sweet treat~."

I giggle as he pulls out. The magic making up his member fades away and he zips his pants up as I fix my underwear.

"Sweet treat huh? Maybe I can replace your cigarettes as your new craving."

"oh, you know i'll be wanting more. in fact...i might need a fix after our date~."

"Careful dear, you don't want to rot your teeth on all this sugar."

"heh...be worth it though."

I giggle as the bell rings.

"Damn. Well...Back to class we go."

"not yet."

"But Papyrus..."

He shuts me up with a kiss and pulls the band from my hair, letting it fall freely.

"can't have people seeing that mark...not yet at least."

"Fair enough."

I straighten his shirt and tie much to his content.

"Ready to go, my bone-friend?"

"heh...sure thing, my babe."

He starts walking and I follow.

"i'm keeping this hair tie."

"But it's mine."

"all the more reason to keep it. it belongs to my girl."

"Awww."

He rests his arm around my shoulders as we head back inside. Each step was a squishy fart joke that has us laughing. We were a odd sight, but who cares. We had each other. And being in love beats looking normal any day.

However, upon getting to our next class, well...

"THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU TWO? WHY ARE YOU BOTH SOAKED?!"

No way we're talking about what happened on the roof.

"Sorry sir, it's all my fault. I got upset earlier and Slim here followed me to the roof. That's when the door jammed and well...Long story short, stuck in the rain and took forever to get back in the building. Please, forgive us."

Slim is surprised I'd take the blame here and already have a cover story. His younger brother, Pain the P.E. teacher on the other hand, is suspicious but can't really pinpoint as to why.

"FINE. BUT SINCE YOU TWO ARE THREE MINUTES PASS BELL CALL...YOU'LL BE PARTICIPATING IN CLASS AS YOU ARE. NO CHANGING OUT YOUR UNIFORMS.

We both groan in annoyance.

"Are you for real right now?"

"hang on...what in-door activity are you having us do?"

Pain gives us a crooked smile.

"WHY...THE GAUNTLET OF COURSE."

The gym is filled with groans. The gauntlet is a grueling obstacle course that is made up of five parts. First is a series of hurdles, some you jump over and others you duck under. Then there's the stepping stones, small but heavy stumps that one must jump across without fail. Next is the warped wall, a large wall we have to run up in order to get over. The rope climb is next, reach the top and ring the bell to continue. Lastly there's the balancing barrage, it's basically a balance beam that's about five feet high and you have to cross it while avoiding Pain who throws dodge balls at you. And if at any point you mess up, you have to start all over again from the beginning.

This would be bad enough on its own. But when you add wet clothing that weighs you down and the fact I'm in a fucking skirt...Well that's a new level of hell all by itself.

So far I'm doing fine. The gauntlet is pretty easy for me except for the rope climb. I have weak upper body strength, so the rope really kills my time when I try to speed run. But again...I'm climbing up a rope in a skirt...and I'm soaking wet. Guess what happens next.

"*wolf whistles* Nice view!"

"Best P.E. ever!"

"*snarls* Piss off perverts!"

"Hey, swing around more!"

"Yeah! Work it girl!"

"*growls* I swear to god, I will fucking end...you...?"

I trail off at the sight I see approaching the small group of boys. Slim is not happy. Even from as high as I am, I can see the blood orange glow of his glaring eyes. All I can do is watch.

"hey, fuck wads..."

In the blink of a eye, the first boy to turn around, a monster named Aaron, is punched square in the jaw and is sent flying.

"PAPYRUS!"

Slim ignores his brother.

"lynsie...come here."

His voice is dark and spine chilling...I obey without question. Dropping down to stand by him, he grabs me harshly and kisses me just as rough, enough to draw blood when he bites my lip.

"this is mine. *shows the bite mark on my neck* if anyone messes with my girl, you're gonna have a very fucked up time."

Ignoring the stares coming our way, I'm stunned at this level of possessiveness Slim has. It's actually kind of a turn on to know how much he values me as his. This warms my heart to no end.

"YOU, GO TO THE NURSE'S OFFICE. AND YOU TWO...MY OFFICE. NOW! AS FOR THE REST OF YOU, WHO TOLD YOU TO STOP? KEEP RUNNING THE COURSE AND DON'T STOP TILL I SAY SO!"

The class groans as Pain takes Slim and me to his office. And he is not happy.

"SO...MIND EXPLAINING WHAT THE HELL THAT WAS ALL ABOUT?"

"i said my piece already."

I feel so awkward. I want to defend Slim, but I'm afraid if I speak I'll say something that will only mess things up more.

"WELL? LAST CHANCE."

We don't say a word.

"*sigh* OKAY...DROPPING THE TEACHER THING. HONESTLY I COULDN'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT YOU HITTING SOME LITTLE SHIT. FRANKLY, ALL THOSE PRICKS HAVE IT COMING TO THEM. THERE'S ONLY SO MANY TIMES YOU CAN WRITE UP IDIOTS FOR HARASSMENT BEFORE SOMEONE SNAPS."

This has us eye him and listen to what he has to say.

"SO WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY, NOW KNOWING THAT YOU'RE NOT IN TROUBLE FOR THAT...ARE EITHER OF YOU WILLING TO ANSWER ONE QUESTION FOR ME?"

"that depends."

"What's the question?"

"HOW LONG HAS 'THIS' BEEN A THING?"

I blush but Slim seems proud and smirks.

"what ever do you mean, bro?"

"DON'T PLAY STUPID PAPYRUS. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MARK MEANS. DID YOU EVEN EXPLAIN THAT TO HER? BECAUSE JUDGING BY THE EXPRESSION ON HER FACE, YOU HAVEN'T."

Now I'm worried.

"it means she's mine."

"YES, IT DOES...AS YOUR MATE."

I pale like ghost and Slim blushes in shock as Pain smacks his forehead.

"w-what?"

"Wait...Does this mean we're married?!"

"I FUCKING KNEW IT. THIS IS THE REASON I KEEP TRYING TO PUSH THE SEXUAL EDUCATION LESSONS TO THE START OF THE YEAR. TO PREVENT STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS FROM HAPPENING. LUCKILY, THERE IS A WAY TO REVERSE THIS."

Pain gets up from behind his desk and heads for the door.

"NO ONE IS GOING TO MAKE EITHER OF YOU DO ANYTHING. THE CHOICE IS YOURS TO MAKE. I'LL LET YOU DISCUSS THIS AMONGST EACH OTHER BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE IS DONE."

He leaves the room and we look at one another.

"lynsie...i am so sorry. i didn't mean to..."

"Slim...Do you regret this? Us?"

His eye sockets widen.

"no! how could i?"

"Then don't apologize. It's insulting."

"then...you're okay with this?"

"Honestly...I'm confused as hell. But...Isn't life always confusing? It's what makes things interesting. Trying to figure shit out. Maybe with someone else by your side, you know?"

"baby..."

"I mean, we've already decided to enter a relationship. I wouldn't mind keeping this if it keeps others away so we can focus on us."

"for real? you really mean it?"

"I gave you my virginity. If you think you can get rid of me so easily, you got another thing coming."

"get rid of you? i wouldn't dream of it. my... babe."

"come here, my bone-friend."

I pull him into a warm loving hug and he nuzzles sweetly into my neck.

"Papyrus..."

"yeah?"

"I...I love you."

His hold on me tightens.

"i love you too lynsie. now and forever."

Life at school since then has been interesting to say the least. We decide to keep the mark but not let it control how we handle the relationship, treating it like how you would a promise ring. Despite how we started this, we take things slow and build up a foundation for a proper relationship. Even if our families think we're nuts and irresponsible as hell.

Slim as a boyfriend is a handful sometimes. He seems to really get off on public displays of overly affectionate actions, going so far as to get us in trouble a several times due to "graphic displays of a mature nature" or so we were told. I guess that's what the term for loudly dry humping is on paper.

Either way, we couldn't be happier.

[nervous-pacing]

waiting for the end

pairing: reader x taehyung, reader x namjoon (kind of?? its not a love story idk afkjbakd)

genre: angst (i guess), au

word count: 2.3k

Summary: Tomorrow, you and everyone you know will die.

warnings: recreational drug (marijuana) use, mentions of death, alluding to death, generally not a nice topic lol

a/n: i just remembered this account still exists. the first part and first few paragraphs of the second part have been in my drafts for over a year. the rest i wrote in the last hour. posted as is (unedited). will probably maybe edit/rewrite and post on my fan account one day. bAsically this is a draft lol

You stumble into class late after sleeping through your alarm and you’re a bit surprised to see that no one so much as glances in your direction as the door slams shut behind you. Your professor doesn’t make one of her usual snide remarks about your tardiness - in fact, she barely notices when you say good morning and quietly apologize for being late again.

“Who died?” you mumble as you slide into your seat near the window, gazing outside at the melting snow. Momentarily, your eyes linger on a mother trailing behind a child on a leash and you roll your eyes at the sight. Children are not dogs, you think to yourself before turning your attention to your silent lab partners and the untouched materials on the table.

“Seriously guys, why’s everyone so quiet?” you ask, voice faltering near the end because suddenly you’re not sure you want to hear the answer.

Namjoon, the boy sitting across from you, finally breaks the silence in the room. “No one yet,” he says, looking not at you but through you.

Your movements falter but you’re able to collect yourself to avoid accidentally dropping your goggles onto the table. “What?” you say, focused on getting them to fit over your thick rimmed glasses.

“You asked who died,” Namjoon says, and the graveness in his voice, matched by the detached look on his face, makes you pay a little more attention to him. “And I said no one yet.”

You wait for him to elaborate, and you want to ask him to explain but for some reason, your throat has gone dry. No one else makes any attempt to say anything. They all stare blankly at their hands or out the window or at nothing in particular.

When the news hits you, you are taken aback. You sit in silence, hand covering your open mouth as you listen to a man in a suit talk about where to go and what to do next. How to make the physical impact hurt less.

No one talks about emotions.

“100 percent chance of impact...”

You cringe at the words he speaks, imagining how you might feel when you wake up tomorrow morning. If you wake up tomorrow morning. You know the chance of living through what is to come is slim, and you hope for your own sake that you die quickly.

Your thoughts drift to your sisters and what they might be doing back at home. If they’re at school watching the news or if your parents have brought them home so they can all spend their last few hours together.

A pang of guilt spreads throughout your chest as you think of how awful you’ve been to your parents, and how a last minute apology is all you can offer them to make up for it. If you drive fast enough you might be able to get home and see them for a while.

You are thankful to have Lisa sitting beside you because without her physical support you’d probably be in a heap on the ground. You can only imagine how she must feel, being thousands of miles away from her family.

“You okay?” you ask, turning around briefly to see her face. It is only then that you realize she is trembling. Her lunch sits in front of her, untouched, as her hands her shake against the tabletop. Temptation gnaws at you; to reach out or not reach out. What can you offer her, in this moment, that will do her any good? You dare not say more out of fear of being too lighthearted. You’ve always been the person who laughs at the most inappropriate moments and you’re too close to the end to bother trying to change yourself. What good would it do?

Thankfully there’s a commotion coming from across the cafeteria, and you turn around to see Taehyung standing on a table with his shirt hanging from his fingertip. “If anyone wants to admit their undying love for me, now’s the time!” He is met with humorless laughter and expressionless faces, but the smile never leaves his face. “I guess no one heard me. I said-,” and he cups his hands around his mouth for dramatic effect, “-if anyone wants to admit their undying love for me, now is the time to do so!” He is ushered off the table and chased out of sight by an overweight campus security guard. You’ve never seen one of them do their job before. Of course now they decide to do what they’re supposed to, when none of it matters anymore.

“Are you going to eat that?” you ask, returning your attention to a hyperventilating Lisa. It doesn’t matter. Tomorrow, she will be dead. You don’t wait for her to respond, not because you know she’s not going to answer but because you don’t care. It doesn’t matter if she answers or not. Who is going to stop you from taking the perfectly ripe mango out of her lunch bag? She’s staring into space, probably imagining how the end of the world will look from her 8th story window. You take her mango and wordlessly leave the table.

“You know I was gonna write my thesis paper about the apocalypse?” Namjoon’s voice is a whisper in the wind beside you. It’s windy as fuck. A side effect of the imminent end of the world, you think to yourself. Perhaps it’s just the regular mid autumn chill.

“What’s your major?” Taehyung asks, flippantly. He probably doesn’t care. Namjoon was not and will never be his friend. From what you know, the two had never spoken to each other until you brought them together this afternoon for a last minute quad smoke sesh.

“Environmental studies.”

Silence ensues. You’re not surprised at his answer, though you always assumed he was more of a liberal arts nerd rather than a science nerd. When you look up, they’re both staring at you.

“Um, I’m a social work student,” you say quietly, assuming they’re waiting for an answer.

Taehyung scoffs, rolls his eyes. “Aw, bet you wanted to save the world, huh?” He reaches over and plucks the unlit blunt from your fingers. Color rises to your cheeks now that you understand why they’d been staring. No one cares about your major; they’re just trying to get high. If this had happened yesterday, you would’ve been offended by his words. Now, all you can do is laugh and nod. You did want to save the world. Still do.

“I’m a psych major, for what it’s worth.” Taehyung lights up. You imagine him standing in front of a class giving a presentation about the role of biology in psychology.

“No one asked,” Namjoon says with the same amount of enthusiasm he’s had all afternoon.

“I put in my withdrawal papers yesterday,” Taehyung adds. Now he really has your attention. “College was never my thing.” He’s hogging the blunt but it doesn’t matter because you have half a goddamn mason jar’s worth of it tucked away in your bag, specifically brought out for this occasion. No use in hoarding or hiding it anymore, not when today is the last day you’ll be able to smoke it.

“I called my parents this morning to tell them,” Taehyung continues, “right before the news came on. They were so disappointed they hung up on me. I turned my phone off and I’m not turning it back on.” He looks sober and old, the way you’d expect a college aged kid who’s high off his ass to look.

“Payback?” you ask, thinking about all your missed calls, the growing number of texts and voice messages you refuse to open or listen to. What’s the point?

“I don’t do all that lovey dovey shit.” He passes what’s left of the blunt to Namjoon, who gives him a dirty look before throwing it over his shoulder. You finally reveal what’s in your bag and they look at you with a desire that makes you feel powerful. You consider confessing your undying love to Taehyung, knowing he wouldn’t call your bluff if it meant a chance at possibly getting laid one last time. You hardly know him, but he’s cute and he has nice hands and you won’t have enough time to feel embarrassed or accidentally fall in love because so little time is left. Daylight is fleeting.

So you quickly make up your mind, straightening your spine with purpose as you boldly ask Taehyung if he wants to have sex with you. His jaw hardens and he looks at you through narrowed eyes and says “yes” instead of the “sure” you’d expected. Namjoon is happy enough to be left alone with an ounce of weed that he doesn’t care if you chose Taehyung, who is essentially a stranger to you, over him, someone you’ve known long enough to be considered at least an associate. Not like you’d pretend to care about his feelings. Not like you’d owe him anything if you really did care about his feelings.

Sex with Taehyung is satisfactory. There is no pressure to perform so neither of you put on a show. There is no love involved so it’s not special. It’s just physical but that’s what you wanted anyway. And his breath doesn’t stink so that’s a plus.

Afterwards, you stumble back to the soccer field where Namjoon is cozied up against a tree. He had every incentive to run away and smoke the rest of your weed alone, or set it on fire on the turf as a form of protest against the environment, but he didn’t. You didn’t think he would.

You spend the rest of the evening getting higher and higher with them, these two random guys who probably would’ve been good friends had you all got together under different circumstances. You’ve stopped worrying about Lisa and your family and even tomorrow’s impending doom.

“What if it doesn’t happen?” Namjoon asks suddenly, sitting up with a sense of urgency that catches you off guard. The thought had crossed your mind as well, but it was nothing you could dwell on when you knew it was just wishful thinking. Not when 100 percent chance of impact kept replaying over and over again in your head.

“No really. What if you guys fucked and we smoked all your weed for nothing?”

You shrug. “Then we fucked and smoked all my weed for nothing.”

“You guys wanna sleep on the grass tonight?” Taehyung changes the conversation, sprawling out across the turf and kicking off his shoes.

“I’d like my last night to be spent in the comfort of my own bed, thank you.”

“You think the campus beds are comfortable?” Namjoon asks.

“More comfortable than sleeping on the fucking ground.”

“I just don’t wanna be alone,” Taehyung says quietly. Like he doesn’t want you or Namjoon or himself to hear it.

“Relatable.”

Silently, the three of you make your way through the half empty student residence parking lots. Everyone who could leave, did leave. You assumed all who’s left are the international students and other kids who couldn’t catch a flight back home. You choose not to think about their grief. Doing so could trigger your own and you don’t want your last night alive to be filled with sadness.

“This is my humble abode,” you say as you invite them into your dorm. It’s messy, as your roommate somehow managed to knock over almost everything and anything on her way out.

“It smells like sweat in here,” Taehyung comments, holding his nose.

“Yeah, well.”

The banter makes it easy to act like nothing is wrong, like your life isn’t changing, isn’t ending. You don’t feel like this is the last of anything, even though deep down you know it to be true. There are so many things to want to do. Pull out your guitar and play it one last time, tell Namjoon and Taehyung your deepest darkest secret just to get it off your chest, check your messages and maybe even respond to some because anybody who takes the time to text you their last words probably deserves a text back. It wouldn’t hurt.

You do none of these things. This is the highest you’ve ever been and you know the second you pull out your phone you’ll start crying.  Instead, you turn on the TV and settle down on the couch, draping your old Peter Pan blanket over yourself and curling into a ball.

“Are you scared?” Namjoon asks as he makes room for himself next to you.

“A little bit,” you answer honestly. It’s the most truth you’ve told in a long time.

“Me too.”

On TV, a news anchor slams his hands on the counter as he spits facts at you through the screen: here’s how it’s going down, here’s how to prepare in the little time you have, here’s what you should do even though it’s not going to save you anyway. You wish he was home with his family, or maybe you’re projecting your feelings onto him. With all that’s going on, it’s safe to say you’re overwhelmed.

You want to thank them for being there with you, but that would mean admitting that something is wrong. Those are words you don’t want to say. It’s not like their presence is for your comfort. They, like you, don’t want to be alone.

Light snoring brings you out of your own thoughts and back to real time. You’re thankful that they’re sleeping because now there is no temptation to speak, but you really wanted to speak. Talking has always tired you out, and now that you’re the only one awake, reality is beginning to set in. You don’t want to think about tomorrow, so you try to think about other things. The science homework you didn’t do, midterms you no longer have to worry about, all the money in your bank account, Lisa’s uneaten mango, Taehyung’s forgotten sneakers, Namjoon’s hand on your back.

The last thing you see is your mother’s grumpy face and arms outstretched towards you, although there is no way of telling whether the image came to you in a dream or not, because there is no morning to wake up to. 

i write the way i speak don’t judge me

also i suck at writing endings and this whole thing in general made me very emotional and it’s almost 1 am good f*cking nnight

[nothinglastsonline]

it begins

Do you flush the toilet with your hand or your foot? My hand. Public restrooms don’t freak me out at all. I was never taught to be super cautious of them other than not to put my stuff on the floors. Tbh they’re probably cleaner than your home bathroom with how often they’re cleaned. So on New Year’s Eve this year my friends were playing this “Are You Normal” board game and they lost it at my friend for saying she didn’t cover the toilet seat with toilet paper in a public bathroom. I never have either. Man, what a way to start a new survey blog.

What’s your Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (Ex: ENTP)? INFJ. I get either that or INFP on tests, but I think INFJ fits a bit better.

Do you read any blogs and if so, which ones? No. Now that I think of it I never really have followed blogs obsessively. Some Livejournal communities and shit on Xanga yeah, and of course some websites that are now dead.

Where do you typically buy your clothes? Old Navy, Bluenotes, H&M, random places.

On a scale of one to ten, how healthy do you eat? LOL

What do you think is the most valuable college major? Ughhhh I hate this thing I see online (and overall in culture) lately of people being total zealots about ~*~*~STEM~*~*~ and arguing that doing literally any other degree is useless. The majority of people I know who went to university just have jobs based on the fact that they have a degree, not based on what it was. Tbh if I had a kid I’d be encouraging them to go into a trade. Even like, gender studies, which I hate a lot of the shit they teach, I recognize that majoring in that would be useful if you want to work for a women’s shelter, certain charities, in social work, etc. Don’t get me started on university. I can tell you it’s hilarious being on the other side now listening to 16/17 year olds talk about university, how they think it really matters which one you go to and what you get accepted for and stuff, when you know being on the other side that most of them will probably end up switching majors anyway.

Which books should I read this summer? I want to head The Handmaid’s Tale since somehow I managed to go through Canadian high school and university without reading it, but I feel like that’s really not a summer read.

Would you rather have curvy legs or skinny legs? Curvy.

Do you believe in ghosts and if so, have you ever seen one? I want to believe, but I’ve never seen one.

What’s your favorite game show? Family Feud and Celebrity Name Game. I miss the early 00s when there were a million game shows on TV.

How many times a day do you use the restroom? Uhh... like 3-5, I guess?

How much fruit do you eat on a given day? An ok amount, mostly because I like juice a lot.

What was the last thing that made you cringe? The “Communications Team” in the movie The Circle.

What’s your favorite ‘80s movie? Cliche, but either The Princess Bride or Breakfast Club. Oh shit, actually, Amadeus. I forgot that was an 80s movie. And A Christmas Story.

What time did you go to bed last night? 3 am because I’m in a really strange period of my life where all my classes are online and my work is freelance and I can’t really get a job because I have one lined up for August so I’d have to find something May-July inclusive which ain’t gonna happen.

Do you have your own car? No, I have access to my dad’s old car but I hate driving.

Do you own a romper? No.

Do you still speak to your ex’s parents? No. Not because I don’t want to, just because I never see them.

Who was the last person who drew you a picture? My little cousin?

When someone takes your picture, do you smile with your mouth open or closed? I prefer the way I look with my mouth closed, and that’s what I do if I take my own picture, but if someone else is taking my picture I usually open mouth smile because I can’t help it.

Do you floss? When there’s something stuck between my teeth.

What’s your favorite breakfast cereal? Rice Krispies.

How do you usually get your exercise? Lol. When I worked downtown, I walked a lot. Now... not so much. Pool will be open in a month so swimming after that.

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate chip cookie dough.

Why did you break up with your last significant other? Hah.

Are any of your siblings married? Nope.

What does your phone case look like, if you have one? A blueish rubbery sleeve.

What’s something about you that the opposite sex finds attractive? ???????? ??? ???? ??? ?

What do you usually put in your omelets? I don’t like omelets. I don’t like anything where you can taste the egg period.

Have you ever tried to go vegetarian and if so, how long did you last? No. I’d actually like to, theoretically. At least cutting my meat intake back to poultry only. But practically... I mean, I don’t eat a ton of meat other than chicken/turkey anyway, maybe beef once or twice a week, but it would be tough. I’ve tried to give up pork, because I love pigs. Since my dad was having gallbladder issues I pretty much almost have, since we didn’t have it in the house. I actually ate bacon for the first time in ages the Thursday before Easter and I felt physically sick afterwards.

What kind of exotic animal do you think you could keep as a pet? I don’t know. Do pigs count as “exotic”? Because I love pigs so much, and I don’t expect one to stay unrealistically small, I love the big fat potbelly ones and full-sized farm pigs. I love elephants too.

What’s your favorite type of dog? Bedlington terrier.

What’s something you can draw really well? I’m okay at drawing horses.

What’s your favorite fast food joint? A&W or McDicks, assuming pizza places don’t count in this category.

Did you ever eat leaves when you were a kid? ...no?

What’s the largest body of water near your hometown? Lake Ontario, I suppose.

Do you have any flags in your house? Yes.

Are there any “keep off the grass” signs where you live? I’m sure somewhere.

Have you ever walked on the grass with such a sign? Yeah.

Do you like kiwis? No. Strawberry-kiwi stuff is okay.

Are you double-jointed? Nope.

At school, which area of science did you prefer, biology, chemistry or physics? Chemistry was the only one I took into the senior grades. I considered becoming a pharmacist, which I kind of wish I’d done now.

Which did you prefer between geography and history? History! I never really liked geography.

Have you ever had a main part in a play? Yup. I was Lucy in a Charlie Brown Christmas in Grade 7.

Are there any musical instruments in the room you’re in? No.

Can you name a difference between RNA and DNA? I don’t really know the difference.

Do you know anyone who owns a farm? Not super closely. I’ve met Esther the Wonder Pig’s dads. :o)

Have you ever driven a tractor? No.

Does the smell of the countryside bother you? No, I kind of like it. I rode horses as a kid so I got used to the manure smell.

Who sits behind you in English? I don’t remember the last English class I had, lol. That autobiography class, maybe? And it’s university, so everyone changed seats all the time.

When will your next kiss be? ????

What song are you listening to? I am not.

How late do you normally stay up on weekdays? Oh jeez, my sleep schedule is so messed up now that I don’t have anything to do in the mornings.

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish hadn’t? Not recently.

What did you do Saturday? Today’s Saturday. I’m supposed to go see Guardians of the Galaxy tonight.

Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable level, unless it’s live.

When do you prefer to take a shower, in the morning or night? Night.

What’s the next vacation you’re going on? I’m going to Boston in two weeks. I’ve never been before. I haven’t been to much of the States, just New York, Florida, California, and briefly New Jersey when we had a transfer at Newark airport. We’re supposed to go through Massachusetts, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont and New York, so it should be interesting.

Can you watch scary movies? Yeah I don’t get scared by them, but they don’t really interest me either, so I don’t see many of them. I feel like I could get into really campy, genre horror, like the type this guy I know produces. I should look into it I guess.

How do you like your eggs? Wasn’t this asked previously?

Do you want any piercings? No. I’ve never had anything pierced. I went to school with mostly Italians (Catholic School) and all the girls had their ears pierced as babies because I guess it’s a cultural thing of some sort, and I got made fun of for not having my ears pierced in elementary school. Eh.

[ruffsficstuffplace]

The Keeper of the Grove (Part 54)

It was late when they arrived back at Keeper's Hollow, Weiss riding on Zwei's back as the magical exhaustion set in. She could still walk and stay awake, but now it just felt incredibly difficult to muster the willpower to do much of anything, alongside a very physical and real growling in her stomach.

It felt strikingly like the aftermath of a particularly brutal test, and just like then, all Weiss wanted to do afterward was gorge on something sweet—in this case, chocolate chip cookies.

“Elemental weaving is a largely mental process,” Penny explained as she and Qrow cooked chicken tortillas for dinner. “Magic already exists in all bodies and beings as the base components for matter, and the Gift is both a body capable of accumulating and storing larger than usual amounts of it, and a bmind able to harness and manipulate it in ways difficult or impossible through conventional means.

“Most Fae just have the former, which tends to manifest in greatly enhanced physical capabilities like the Watchers, or just the latter, which tends to manifest in skill in science and the arts like the Makers and Creators.”

Weiss nodded. “So how rare is it, anyway?” she asked after she swallowed her mouthful of cookies.

“With the extreme amounts of magic in the Valley's wellspring, along with the frequent exposure to it from its food, environment, and our magitechnology?” Penny said as she chopped up vegetables. “About 20-42% of the population, with 61-67% of that going on to become professional weavers. The rest tend to gravitate towards other professions, oftentimes makers, watchers, and/or creators, either from personal choice, or simply not being capable of handling the stress and rigours of weaver training and occupations.”

Weiss picked up her glass of milk. “So why isn't Candela overflowing with weavers? We had to use energy like there was no tomorrow, or else the collectors would overload,” she said before she took a drink.

“Two reasons: genetics, and the nature of your magitechnology,” Penny said as she brought the tray of vegetable fillings to the table.

“As your magitech started to become cheaper, easier, and more convenient than training and hiring human weavers, the importance of preserving their bloodlines and avoiding genetic modifications that could impair their abilities became less and less important,” she said as she went to get the tortilla wraps. “At times, they were even actively hunted down and removed from the gene pool at large to avoid their side-effects, like the increased vulnerability to dementia and other mental illness.

“It didn't help that, unlike Fae, your designs tend to protect and isolate magical exposure to its users as much as possible,” Penny said as she laid them on the table, next to the vegetables. “To use a metaphor: while the Fae were outside getting regular doses of sunlight, you humans were locked in your homes with blackout curtains over the windows.”

Weiss smirked. “Fitting. Makes me wonder what would have happened if we hadn't made the full switch to magitech...”

“You humans wouldn't have started a realm-wide resource crisis because you ran out of shit to build it with, for one,” Qrow said as he came over with a crock pot full of chicken.

Weiss nodded. “Did the Fae ever suffer something like the Resource Crisis?”

“Plenty of times!” Qrow said as he set it down in the center. “Believe it or not, Sekhmet used to be a rainforest before we Fae fucked it up royally. In terms of how long we've been able to bang two rocks together and call it music, being the poster-civilization of sustainable living was after we got out of our shitty teenage years,” he continued as he ladled out shredded meat for everyone's wraps but Ruby's.

“But it's been a long day, and that's an even longer story, princess, so that's all the Chronicler Qrow you're getting today,” he said as he made a quadruple-large tortilla for Zwei.

“We'll eventually get to it in your history classes, don't worry,” Penny said, smiling as she and Qrow worked together to keep Zwei's dinner from falling apart. The head sticking in through the window started to drool like crazy.

Weiss shrugged, and dug in. She hummed after she took her first bite; her herbs and vegetables had helped make a damn good sauce.

She still had too much energy from sleeping at Abner's lab earlier, so Weiss spent most of that evening building and setting up the new equipment they'd received, starting with the barn and her lab/kitchen, and after that, the long abandoned weaver's section of the training grounds.

“Alright!” Ruby called out as she worked in an underground hatch, only the very tips of her horns visible. “I'm turning the valve on—tell me if anything happens!”

“Got it!” Weiss said as she stood by with a lamp in her hands.

She watched as a long-dead fountain came back to life, water trickling down its numerous grooves, filling its many basins, and a waterfall appearing in the center and pouring out onto a platform big enough for two or three Fae to sit and meditate under.

“It's working!”

“Woo!” Ruby cried as she climbed out. “Go me!”

The two of them stood there, admiring their handiwork, until the combined light of their lamps and the water brought out some rather unpleasant details they'd missed earlier.

“… Do you Fae happen to have bacteria that can eat all that mold and fungus?”

“Yeah, we do, but we could also just turn the water off again then torch it! Weaver equipment is made to withstand all the elements.”

Weiss hummed. “Yeah, that'd work much better.”

Ruby shut off the water, and the two began to head back to the house.

Weiss yelped and nearly dropped her lamp as she came to face with a ferocious looking bird Fae, ghostly and glowing an ominous blood-red.

“Oh, hey!” Ruby said. “The Echoes are already appearing! Neat!”

Weiss stepped well back as the “echo” of Raven Branwen pulled out her sword and got into a combat stance, her eyes narrowed and her mouth/beak curled into a scowl. “What the hell are 'echoes,' and why are they happening?” she said as her eyes darted between Ruby and Raven.

“Echoes are the pieces of you that you leave behind after you die,” Ruby explained. “Usually, it takes a ritual to make them appear, but when there's so much raw magic floating around before and during the Eve, they just come out all on their own.”

Weiss watched a different echo appear some distance away from—Summer, her cloaked figure and the Keeper's scythe a calming silver. The two echoes charged each other, their battle too fast for Weiss to see, so ferocious she could hear the clashes of blade-on-blade and the faint sounds of war cries from long ago.

It was far beyond the level of anything Weiss was capable of, or that she'd ever seen in her entire life—even Ruby's wiping the floor with all of her guards that fateful night.

Raven swung too hard and missed, all the energy in her sword exploding into the ground, sending ghostly dirt and debris flying several feet into the air.

Summer took the opportunity to swing the Keeper's scythe right at her neck, stopping just before she cut her head clean off her shoulders.

The air was tense as the two figures stared each other down, seething hatred in Raven, amusement in Summer's.

Summer pulled the scythe away, and offered her hand with a smile.

Raven ignored her as she picked herself and her sword off the ground.

The two echoes parted ways, and disappeared.

It all happened in the span of less than a minute, though it felt like it had dragged on for much longer.

“Holy shit...” Weiss whispered.

“Yep,” Ruby said. “And that's when mom was holding back.”

Weiss looked at her in disbelief. “That's her holding back?”

Ruby nodded. “Mom was always way stronger than Aunt Raven or Uncle Qrow. It always bothered her, my aunt, since their family has always been kinda obsessed about being the strongest around, probably because they were from Sekhmet.”

“How'd they end in the Valley?”

Ruby shrugged. “Uncle Qrow says it's a REALLY long story—so long he's never really found the time to tell me!” she replied innocently.

Weiss stared at her for a moment, before she nodded slowly. “Do these echoes just show up, or is there a pattern?” she asked as they resumed walking.

“They tend to appear wherever someone had really important memories, or where they spent most of their time, but only if you're related to them in some way,” Ruby replied. “It's mostly for family, but Abner always sees echoes of Ilaya at his place this time of year. You could also summon them by bringing something they used to own and used a lot, seeing as part of their essence rubs off on it.”

Weiss smiled. “You Fae certainly bring a new dimension to the value of heirlooms and antiques...”

“Mhmm!” Ruby said. “As the saying goes, 'Our bodies falter, our memories fade, and our breaths cease, but Havalon remembers always.'”

They walked through Weiss' farm, and noticed one of the mana detectors that had been planted among her crops was glowing and beeping in warning.

Weiss sighed heavily. “Oh, what now...?” she muttered as she walked over to investigate.

“You think your vegetables turned into elementals too?”

“I seriously hope not! Cheese blobs with faces and sore-stiff ointment that moves, I can handle; I don't know how I'd react to vegetables that scream when I harvest them.”

“They definitely won't do that,” Ruby replied. “You're their weaver; they'll probably think it's a great honour to be picked and eaten, maybe even tell you when they're at their best so you can get the most out of them.”

Weiss cringed. “Please stop before I have to become a full-time carnivore; at least I know meat's supposed to move around before I can eat it...”

They halted as they reached the edge of the fence. There was an echo walking through Weiss' crops, wielding a hoe and tilling the soil. She was an arctic fox Fae from the tiny ears and the ridiculously fluffy tail, wearing a long, flowing dress of distinctly human-make, with her glow a pale, icy blue.

“Relative of yours?” Weiss asked as they watched her work and slowly come closer to them.

“Uh… not that I know of...?” Ruby replied. “I haven't really seen her before, either.”

The mystery woman got close enough to reach. Weiss slowly held out her gloved hand, her fingertips brushing the echo. The crystals on it began to glow.

Then, a flash.

Weiss found herself in Keeper's Grove, a long, long, long time ago, seeing through the eyes of the mystery woman as she worked. From the grunts of effort and the sweat she was regularly wiping from her brow, she was just as new to farming as Weiss was, when her farm was just a patch of sweet potatoes.

She heard a voice ask something in broken German.

The woman turned, and Weiss found herself looking at one of Ruby's ancestors. She had the same silver eyes, the friendly face, and the black hair, only her horns were much more pronounced, there were almost no whites in her eyes for how wide her irises were, and her hands and feet clearly ended in what looked like hooves.

The woman chuckled, affectionately said something in the same language, except much more fluently.

Ruby's ancestor smiled, getting a mischievous look on her face as she struggled to say something in a playful tone, before suggestively waggling her eyebrows.

The woman made an exasperated noise, then planted her hoe in the ground. She narrowed her eyes at Ruby's ancestor, shaking her head before she walked up to her.

From the loving expression on her face, it was clearly for a kiss.

There was another flash, and Weiss found herself back in her own body, her legs crumpled beneath her, Ruby holding her up and sounding increasingly desperate.

“… eiss?! Weiss! Are you okay?”

Weiss blinked, groaning and shaking her head. “What happened…?”

“You touched the echo of that fox lady, she disappeared, and then you fainted!”

Weiss looked at the mana detector, now dark and quiet, then to her crops, no more trace of the echo.

“Call the Terrace and Abner,” Weiss muttered as she took off her gauntlet, the crystals now glowing a pale shade of icy blue.

Weiss was amused that the senior weaver for the night shift was an Owl Fae.

Less amusing was the way Keeper's Hollow was swarming with weavers once more, this time with chroniclers deep into their tablets and comm-crystals, half frantically requesting files from all over Avalon and an audience with Elder Oobleck himself, the other half studying the data from the mana detector, what footage they had seen of Weiss touching the echo and it disappearing before she fainted.

And from the way Penny was conversing with them in Actaeon, shaking her head even as they pleaded desperately with her, she could just tell they were itching to crack her head open and see what memories they could pull up.

Through Qrow, she relayed what she had seen through her vision to the chroniclers, Ruby, and Abner who was attending through the second's comm-crystal. The things they knew was that the ancestor she had seen was Gabija herself, and that the time-frame was a few decades after the First Settlers had landed.

Everything else was a mystery.

The chroniclers grilled her relentlessly, frustrated at what little she could tell, before they sighed and returned to their referencing the Codex, calling up their fellow chroniclers, and trying to rebuild the vision from the mana detector and her gauntlet.

“What was that all about?” Weiss asked after the last finally gave up.

“You may have found a very important key to unlocking the mystery that has been boggling the Fae for a thousand years,” Abner said.

“The short version of it is: the Valley wasn't always an Eldan Settlement, it started as a split-off,” Qrow said. “A lot of unethical and illegal shit happened here, and when everything went to hell, the survivors called the Council to save their asses…

“… But not before destroying most the evidence that would link them to the crimes against Avalon that would get them executed or worse, a lot of identities changing, and folks mysterious disappearing of the face of the realm.”

“They burned down the original Chronicler's Grove...” Abner said sadly. “Aside from the loss of all that data, there was also the fact that those who did come forward for their crimes and pleaded guilty were put into witness protection, and what information we do have from just after the Council retook the Valley was delivered via Info-Grid—not nearly as fast, expansive, or reliable then as it is now, made worse because they were ferrying secret messages that were destroyed at the slightest hint of being compromised.”

“So what does what I saw have to do with all that?” Weiss asked.

“Because, Weiss, that lady whose memories you saw was probably Gabija's mate, and the key to why Keeper's like me are so special,” Ruby replied.

“And you don't have better records of her? She was the first Keeper of the Grove, right? Did no one happen to have a pen and paper on hand?!”

Abner sighed. “She and her mate requested the latter's true identity be kept a secret, for reasons unknown. And more importantly, this was WELL before anyone realized just how important the Keeper bloodline really was...”

“Go get some sleep, Weiss,” Qrow said. “Believe us: the answers to the mysteries of the Valley are massive teases, who also love coming when you least expect them.”

Weiss scowled. “I'm starting to realize that, and it's giving me a real headache...”

[beckypatterson1]

my new favorite "instant" meal + the fascinating history of American meals and the rise of "bowl meals" in pop culture

Today's post I'm sharing with you the super simple way I've been eating for the last few months...

To my surprise, LOADS of SCIENCE supports eating this way--it'll blow your mind up if you struggle with overeating or feeling "satisfied" after dinner. I can't wait to geek out and share it with you tomorrow :) :) 

TODAY I'm nerding out on some fascinating history around American meals and rise of bowls meals in American pop culture (here's a hint: Thanks Instagram).

  Background: I’ve been working to recover from an illness and trauma this past year. 

Knowing that “food is medicine” in every way, I wanted to eat well, but I also didn’t always have also the physical or psychological endurance to “cook.” 

“Bowl meals” became my saving grace. 

  Yet for all the good these simple meals did for me, I grappled with deep feelings of shame. 

I often felt “lazy” or like a big fraud... After all, hadn’t I’d authored six cookbooks? Was beans and rice really the best I could do? 

A yoga-teacher friend offered me a new perspective. She said, “You eat like a Buddhist Nun. This is classic Temple Food for enlightenment.”

She also reminded me that I often suggest using the same bowl when someone tells me they struggle with overeating because using the same bowl helps them acclimate to portion sizes and helps them develop a better connection with their bio (metabolic) hunger.

Her comments left me wondering if there was some hidden magic in bowls I didn't know about... Truthfully I was looking for any kind of external validation for my simplistic meals ;) 

I did what I usually do: I hit the science and read every research article, journal, or paper I could find until I exhausted the topic. 

THE HIDDEN MAGIC OF BOWLS (real science)

New research suggests that eating out of a bowl is more satisfying than eating off a plate AND has a positive impact on the way you eat. 

There are a few theories and explanations for this.

My favorite is based on the fact we hold bowls and bring them closer towards us, which fosters feelings of comfort and nourishment--a connection that can’t be made by a fork and plate. 

I’m going to dig deep into the science behind the power of bowl meals in tomorrow’s post. 

If you struggle with being satisfied or you tend to overeat like me, you definitely don’t want to miss the research I’m sharing with you tomorrow. 

  For today, I want to share with you a historical tidbit that’s fascinating: 

“EEK! MY FOOD IS TOUCHING” (mostly an American invention)  *The actual name for fear of food touching other food is brumotactillophobia. 

Growing up, I would freak out if my foods touched. TBH, I still somewhat cringe when I see breadcrumbs on butter... 

I thought that was a ‘kid thing’ (or my OCD--which some psychologists say brumotactillophobia is) until I observed children eating in other countries around the world. 

Not only do children in other countries eat a wide range of foods that aren't from the American "kids menu" they overlap and are often mixed together. 

I am also somewhat of a hypocrite--or a conundrum if I feel charitable: I LOVE sauces and dipping food into things (e.g. hummus, ketchup, Ranch dressing), so it couldn’t be a ‘messy’ thing or OCD thing, not completely anyway. 

HERE'S WHAT I LEARNED:

In most other parts of the world, the bowl is the primary vessel of eating and always has been.

In America, however, bowls are just starting to be “cool.” 🥣

For most of American culinary history, food has been separated. Serving food in courses or having different plates for different foods (i.e. salad plate, bread plate) was a sign of refinement and status. For example, middle-class 20th-century American households had TWO sets of dishes: every day and “the good china” that filled an entire piece of auxiliary furniture. 

The “American meal” was also a separation of components. Namely, a slab of protein (meat) with some vegetable sides. (It is this view of a “meal” that makes going vegan difficult for a lot of people because a plant-based diet requires a new way of looking at food).

Eating out of a bowl was very unfashionable and mixing foods or flavors together was considered disgusting or unappealing. (I remember my uncle once mixing together his meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn, and gravy and everyone else at the table cringing and commenting on how gross that ways). 

So Why are bowls in vogue now? 

#1 Practicality: All Americans are busier than ever. One-dish wonders are the extent most working parents and young professionals can manage on any given Tuesday. 

#2 Health: Many Americans have become health-conscious and that shift in values has changed trends in food. #3 Millennials: Instagram gave social currency to bowl meals through their dazzling presentations. (They’re so photogenic!) and most people are exploring different cuisines--international foods that are traditionally served in bowls (Poke, for example). 

For me, it’s hard to beat a satisfying blend of whole grains, veggies, and plant-based proteins. 

Plus they are easy. You don’t need a knife and you could use a fork or a spoon.

Point is: there’s hardly any cleanup and you can eat from a bowl sitting at a table, standing by the counter, noshing on the couch, or on the floor if you're doing a picnic, whatever.

TOMORROW, I’m going to dig deep into the real science behind bowls and how they have a positive impact on your health and satisfaction.

If you struggle with being satisfied or you tend to overeat like me, you definitely don’t want to miss the research I’m sharing with you tomorrow. 

For TODAY, I have one quick question for you--How do you feel about your foods touching? Answer the poll on Facebook.

from Recipes Blog https://happyherbivore.com/2019/11/my-new-favorite-instant-meal-fascinating-history-a/

[automatismoateo]

I’m a 17 yr old closeted atheist that has been forced to go to church my whole life... Here’s my story. via /r/atheism

Submitted May 28, 2018 at 10:17AM by michaelhogue (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2KXHdRR) I’m a 17 yr old closeted atheist that has been forced to go to church my whole life... Here’s my story.

It started when I was 6. I remember going down the road with my dad in our truck. Somehow we got on the topic of god, and I wasn’t quite sure what it was all about, even tho I had been around it since I was born.

So naturally as any kid would do, I asked my dad about it. He said something like, “He’s perfect and holy, and people who don’t believe in him will burn for eternity in a place called hell”

Instantly, this stuck out to me. We got back to the house and I just stood in my room thinking about what he said. No kid wants to burn in hell. So what did I do? I walked out in the living room where my parents were and told them I wanted to be saved by jesus. We went in their room, got on our knees by the bed, and they said a prayer for me.

Afterwards, I was back in my room just sitting there, having no idea what it all meant. I picked up a bible and began reading... this is where my story begins.

5 years later -

It’s the 6th grade now, and a lot has changed in my life since that day that I began to believe. I had studied a lot about the Bible, and could generally answer any question someone asked me about it.

There was the occasional “This doesn’t make any sense, so I’m not going to pay any attention to it.” Actually, that happened a lot.

I kept a journal of all the kids in my school I planned on targeting to share the gospel with. Every day I would talk to them at lunch about how they were going to hell if they didn’t change their ways. I even made a twitter account targeting atheists and I would try to debate them. (Needless to say, I ended up deleted twitter from the frustration.)

Also note that I didn’t just go to church every Sunday morning, but I went (and still go) every Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday evening by the choice of my parents. So constantly having god placed back in my head kept me from thinking too much for myself.

2 years later (8th grade) -

Ah, who doesn’t love middle school? (Sarcasm) It’s a time of discovering new things, and you learn that the world isn’t as innocent as it once seemed. People started using all these cool new words like “fuck,” and I wasn’t having any part of that.

I knew that people in my church said that cussing was a huge sin, and that it would anger god. But, it didn’t take very long for me to start coming up with some loopholes. Instead of saying “What the fuck” like everyone else my age was saying, I’d say “dafuq.” To me, that was surely okay cause I wasn’t actually saying the cuss word in the form of F-U-C-K.

Since I was so heavily forced to be involved in religious activities with the church, I didn’t make making friends much of a priority. That is still a huge regret of mine today. (Remember, I was still a solid believer at the time.) I began to look at every person and my school and judge them based on how much they sinned. This kept me away from most people. Which kept me away from most social events.

I was taught that being with friends and having “worldly fun” would make me fall away from god and cause god to be mad at me. I didn’t want god to be mad at me cause I didn’t want to go to hell. This has affected me even to this day, because I simply have too much anxiety to go to a party or even enjoy myself at prom. I will forever hold a scar of feeling like I don’t belong.

Slowly, things were starting to make me more mad. I was losing friends and tried telling myself that the Bible was the solution. This dug me into a deeper hole and a closer bond with my belief.

1 year later (9th grade) -

High school... a completely new world for me. At this time, the world was still evil to me. It was something I couldn’t be a part of. But, nothing could keep the world from reaching out to me.

Around this time, I started meeting more girls. I had never really made dating a priority, because I feared it would take the place of my love for god. But, I had feelings just like anyone else. I’ll never forget one of the first girls I ever really got close to. She wasn’t from the same school as me, so I didn’t know very much about her.

One day, we were talking on the phone when out of nowhere she said, “... do you believe in god?”

And I obviously I said, “uh, yea of course.”

“Oh... that sucks, cause I don’t” she said.

At that moment my face went white. ‘How do I have feelings for someone that doesn’t believe in god’ I thought to myself. It was awful.

That was the moment the emotional roller coaster began. How could someone so nice and normal be an atheist?? I was told my whole life that atheists were evil people who were mean and nasty and just wanted to attack Christians.

I stopped talking to her after that conversation, but nothing would ever make me forget it and the effect it had on me.

—

It didn’t take long for me to start getting curious. I just couldn’t figure out how someone like her was an atheist.

Scrolling through Instagram one day, I came across an account about atheism. I cringed and said, “let’s see what pathetic trash they have on here.”

I looked through every single post. Every picture. Every meme. Every scientific fact... Every comment on every post from every Christian that was debating the atheists. I simply closed the app. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t want to think about it.

It all made sense. The actual facts I saw on that account were making me think. From every biblical conflict to every scientifically backed fact about the cosmos.

I began to cry, and soon forgot the things I learned after attending a couple of church services, where a motivational preacher would make me scared of hell yet again, and make me want to forget anything scientific.

—

Later in my freshman year, I met another girl. Instead of having feelings for her, I bonded with her as a friend.

It didn’t take long for me to discover that this friend was an atheist. But, instead of pushing her a way, I decided I would be friends with her and hope that I could convert her to Christianity. (Deep down I wanted to know what her life was like as an atheist.)

We took theatre class together, so we ended up spending a lot of time together. I actually never got around to telling her I was a hardcore Christian.

Eventually, I started hearing her talk to people about why she was so against religion and how harmful it was to society. (Of course I just rolled my eyes and tried to avoid listening.) But after a while, I wanted to hear what she was saying.

Another day went by when I was scrolling through Instagram and came across yet another atheist account. This time, I started doing my own research about the posts I was seeing. It was at this moment, I started realizing that maybe, just maybe, I was wrong all along.

** ( If you’ve never been a fully believing Christian in your life, you don’t understand the painful transition from believer to atheist/agnostic. For the first long while, half of you is trembling from the fear of hell, and the other half is embracing a new world of happiness and freedom. It has got to be one of the most mentally traumatizing transitions that a human can go through ) **

And as it turns out, I actually followed that account. A few hours later, I got a text from that friend saying, “hey, are you an atheist?” And when I opened it, I just sat there speechless...

It must’ve been 10 minutes that I just sat there.

“Yea...” I said. I could barely read my own text from how much I was shaking.

“Oh cool! I am too. I just saw your name on the following list of this one atheist account and thought ‘wow! I didn’t know Michael was an atheist’.”

I didn’t know what to think, and I didn’t know what to do. I felt different. I was scared, excited, happy, and sad all at once.

1 year later (10th grade) -

At this point, I was fully considering myself an atheist, but didn’t want anyone to know. The only person that knew was that friend from theatre.

I later explained to her what happened, and told her that I didn’t want people to know, because my family would basically disowned me. (Just like they did with my brother who came out as gay... haven’t seen him in 8 years.)

She respected that and we kept it a secret.

Life was a lot different at this point. Church wasn’t the same now, it was now something to regret and get mad at because I was forced to go 3 days a week. Every time I went, I realized more and more how indoctrinated I had been my whole life.

There was only one thing that kept (and is keeping) me sane in the midst of these constant fallacies that are shoved down my throat... computers.

Computers unlocked a whole new world for me. It was the one place I felt free and happy. At first, I was just always doing my own research on space and other sciences. My interest in physics and cosmology grew greatly. (The fact that it could take billions of years for light from another galaxy to reach earth just absolutely fascinated me, and reassured my decision to abandon my faith.)

My obsession for computers continued. I started learning how they worked and more importantly— how to code.

One day, I decided I was going to create an iPhone app and put it on the AppStore. This would be a cool side project that would fuel my love for computers and technology, while keeping my mind off of the fact that I had not many friends and people to hang out with.

The idea for my first app was simple. I wanted an app that would give users suggestions of movies to watch on Netflix. Sounds simple and innocent, right? Well apparently not.

It took about 8 months, but with a ton of effort and learning, and a $100 Apple developer’s license, I finally released my beloved app on the AppStore for free. I even had ads on the app so I could make a little money on the side.

This all came crashing down one day, however. I remember coming home from church on a Wednesday afternoon. In the truck, my dad began yelling at me. He said that people in the church were concerned about me, so both my parents decided to have a closer look at my app. They discovered the genre of horror movie suggestions. In their church, they believe horror movies or anything involving witches or wizards are evil and sinful (even the Wizards of Waverly Place.)

They both began screaming at me saying how much of a disappointment I am. I told my dad I would delete the app once we got home and he said, “GOOD. You think I care? I don’t feel bad for you at all.” So that’s what I did. As soon as we got home, I ran inside, got on the Apple developed portal, and sent the signal for my app filled with months of sleepless nights and relentless work to be removed from the AppStore, along with all its data. And just like that, I got an email saying it was gone.

I could no longer feel. To care about a project so much then have your parents say they could care less about it and have you delete it, over some horror movies.

I got in my bed and all I could do was cry. I didn’t care anymore, I just wanted to cry. Deleting that app was like killing my own child. (It may seem extreme, but you should’ve seen how happy I was to actually create this app, and the work I put into it.) A little bit later, my parents come into my room and start reading me verses from the Bible about how what I did was wrong. I fell asleep screaming for them to leave me alone as they continued to read.

1 year later (present day) -

By now, I have been through a lot. The app situation was only a sliver of the struggles I’ve encountered. I’ve had many more situations worse than this.

Over these few years, I have learned so much about life. I’ve learned what it’s truly like to be free from religion, even if I still have to live with it.

Here I am today, in church as I was just told “evolution can’t be real, because someone would’ve struck some slime with electricity and created a new creature” and thinking.... how much longer do I have to go through this.

—

So yea, that’s my story. Just know that if you ever feel alone, you’re not alone. I know how it feels to feel trapped in a world that you don’t belong in.

Soon, I will graduate and be free. Until then, I’m only learning more and more about computers every day, the only thing that keeps me sane.