#like the initial doodle is from 2019

[robotbandaids]

Various 42 doodles 

[theswedishpajas]

So like, me going back on tumblr again has sparked a realization in my stinky lil brain

[ribbonstrawberrysurprise]

Possible Mia Ikumi Doujin Penname

First off, thanks to @berrychanx who found the initial doujin listing and @kuro93 who I know also looked into this and bought some of her works! Second off, warning for some suggestive doujin covers and other art, although there's nothing truly explicit.

First things first, I want to say that I sat on this information for a little bit considering if it was appropriate to speculate since Ikumi never chose to make this connection publicly. Ultimately I've decided to go through with it since imo the artstyle is instantly recognizable, so it'd come out eventually. I also found some still-up online accounts associated with this penname, and I know that's a thing the fandom has wanted to see for a long time. I'd ask that you please be respectful with this info and keep in mind it is NOT confirmed and that Mia Ikumi has passed away.

I'd also like to make clear that I'm totally uninterested in trying to figure out her birth name or track down any other personal info on her life that she didn't choose to share in doujin, her website, manga notes, interviews, etc. That feels very out of line. Finding other pennames can help us fans catalogue more of her work, but finding her real identity does nothing but violate her privacy.

So that's kind of where I'm at right now. If you feel differently about whether it's right to speculate on Ikumi's doujin works, or if you don't want to see anything even a little suggestive, please turn back now.

We know for sure that Mia Ikumi was a penname, since that was confirmed in ads for Re-Turn when she changed one of the characters.

征海美亜 ＊征海未亜よりペンネーム変更されました Ikumi Mia *Ikumi Mia yori penneemu henkou saremashita Mia Ikumi (征海美亜) *[Her] penname was changed/altered/revised from Mia Ikumi (征海未亜)

Prior to her return to Nakayoshi with some TMM anniversary art and then the 2020 Re-Turn short, the last work she published under that name was Koi Cupid, way back in 2005-08.

There's always been speculation as to whether she continued drawing manga under a different penname, but there was never any official word from her once her website went down, since she was not active under that name under any social media or on Pixiv. We also had no idea how her art might have evolved in the years since her last official release, so there was no guarantee we'd recognize any work of hers if we saw it. The first anyone saw of her art post-website was back in 2015 when she drew some art of Ichigo and then Ichigo, Mint, and Lettuce for the 60th anniversary of Nakayoshi.

https://hikayagami.tumblr.com/post/132481043559/more-nakayoshi-60th-anniversary-mew-mew-art-from https://hikayagami.tumblr.com/post/118704238761/ichigo-momomiya-in-her-cafe-mew-mew-uniform-drawn https://hikayagami.tumblr.com/post/130755109662/new-picture-of-ichigo-minto-retasu-drawn-by

As you can see, this art featured a pretty different art style than she'd had 2 decades back.

(Sidenote: it seems she also did some art for the 55th anniversary, back in 2010, but this is much closer to the dates when she was working under the Mia Ikumi name and has roughly the same art style as OG TMM: https://hikayagami.tumblr.com/post/151430694480/doodles-of-ichigo-and-berry-drawn-by-mia-ikumi )

Obviously, starting in 2019, she then went on to release the two-shot manga TMM 2020 Re-Turn, some miscellaneous promo art (Blu-ray bonus comic, Alice in Wonderland merch, Smewthie fanart, etc.), and finally new covers and bonus comics for most of the rereleased manga volumes before her passing. Between the works she published in the 90s-early 2000s and all of this new art, we have a pretty good sample size of her artstyle over time. So it was only a matter of time before someone stumbled on something familiar looking…

Berrychanx found a listing (https://jp.mercari.com/item/m11046282201 ) for an Idolmaster doujin called Room Fight! created as a collab between 2 doujin circles/artists: Nameless Color (ねーむれすからー) and Komomo+ (こももぷらす), published by Poco Poco in 2014. The seller specifically noted that the style looks very similar to Mia Ikumi's, and it's very hard to argue! The hands especially look the way that Ikumi has always drawn them, and the eyes, facial expressions, and hair shading is pretty much one to one for Re-Turn.

Nameless Color has some other works, but they aren't in this same artstyle at all. Therefore, the one whose style matches Mia Ikumi's is Komomo+.

https://doujinrepublic.com/product/tag_page.html?tags=85361&ref=product_page&type=rel_tag_circle

As far as I can tell, the doujin circle is named Poco Poco, and the artist's penname is Komomo Kozakura (小桜小桃) or later Komomo (小桃) or Komomo+ (written as こももぷらす). There's a lot of variation in which spelling is used across doujin sites, and sometimes Komomo is listed as the circle name rather than Poco Poco, but I'm unsure as to whether this is a change in how presumed-Ikumi branded herself or just a lack of organization in the websites. Also, the Room Fight! doujin is categorized under komomo+ (https://www.suruga-ya.jp/product/detail/ZHORE153927) and under Komomo Kozakura (https://ecs.toranoana.jp/tora/ec/item/040030276511/ ), so I’m sure they’re the same person and not just 2 people in the same circle.

Here are the titles I could find under all of these names across various websites in approximate publishing order:

https://www.suruga-ya.jp/search?category=&search_word=&ck=true&inStock=On&person_id=1051050 https://www.suruga-ya.jp/search?category=&search_word=&ck=true&inStock=On&person_id=2874482 https://www.suruga-ya.jp/search?category=&search_word=&person_id=2864627 https://ecs.toranoana.jp/tora/ec/cot/circle/LUPA2D6P8476d16Qd687/all/

The main fandoms are Idolmaster, Kantai Collection, and Strike Witches. It's immediately obvious how much they look like Ikumi's style, from small details like the faces to larger things like how she tends to pose characters on her covers. They range from 2008-2016, and you can see that earlier works look a little more like her TMM-era art while later stuff is way more Re-Turn.

So is that all the new info? Do we need to track down and buy these doujin to get any more new info on Mia Ikumi? Well, that’s definitely a thing you can do! But there’s one other avenue.

You see, the title page of Girls Fight! does lead to a now defunct webpage: pocopoco.sblo.jp

https://web.archive.org/web/20081201000000*/pocopoco.sblo.jp

The Wayback Machine has 5 captures for this website: 12/31/08, 2/25/11, 6/3/13, 4/25/16, and 3/14/23. The latest one just shows the same error page not found message as if you try and go to the site now, but the others all have blog entries ranging from 2008 to the end of 2015 (i.e., starting RIGHT after the end of Koi Cupid/Mia Ikumi's professionally published/official manga career).

https://web.archive.org/web/20090103031628/http://pocopoco.sblo.jp/article/20797588.html https://web.archive.org/web/20160425011557/http://pocopoco.sblo.jp/article/170290508.html

Mostly these posts are either drawings or advertisements for a new book she's selling at a con or online by mail order, so there’s a whole bunch of new art. (Warning: there's nothing outright nsfw, but some of these images are probably the most suggestive ones I link in this post, moreso than even most of the doujin covers. Use your own judgment!) The rest of the posts are personal diary entries.

(Sidenote: I am NOT going to translate this whole blog because there’s a whole bunch of text! I looked through the available pages, and the auto-translated version is fine for getting a basic understanding. If you have questions about a specific post, feel free to ask, though! Right off the bat, the text on the big image at the top of the earlier captures, the one with the green-haired catgirl in a red outfit, is just a paraphrasing of the post where she explains her categories/tags to help you navigate the site https://web.archive.org/web/20090103030651/http://pocopoco.sblo.jp/article/21376253.html )

This website, crucially, also links to Komomo's pixiv account (Username: 小桃/Komomo), which is still up!

https://www.pixiv.net/users/3966440

(I was logged in when I accessed the page, so it's possible you may need an account to view it. Please do keep in mind this is not an account publicly associated with Ikumi/TMM and that the owner is likely deceased. We don't need to leave random comments and messages.)

The oldest picture is from 2012, when she created it (she posts about this), and the most recent picture is from 2018, so you can really see the artstyle shift here as well. There is no reference to TMM or Mia Ikumi anywhere.

The blog also links to her NicoNico page (Username: 小桃/Komomo), where she posted a few Vocaloid covers from 5/16/10 to 6/4/11.

https://www.nicovideo.jp/user/16890918/

She talks about uploading these covers on her blog under her utattemita/”I tried singing” tag: https://web.archive.org/web/20160425011607/http://pocopoco.sblo.jp/category/907578-1.html

So, the art definitely matches with what we know of Mia Ikumi’s art, both from published works and stuff posted online to her official website, ikumimia.chu.jp (Hika posted some of the website art here and here if you aren’t familiar)

(As a tangent, that website seems to have been created at or before 5/7/07 and gone offline sometime between 7/1/10 and 7/27/11, so there was definitely a period where she was working under both identities at once…)

But is there any other info linking Komomo and Mia Ikumi?

The site doesn't give much personal detail about Komomo irl, but it does say she was born in spring, and Mia Ikumi's birthday was March 27th.

プロフィール 名前小桜小桃です。 一言:春生まれです。 Profile My name is Komomo Kozakura. In a word, I was born in spring.

There's also a diary entry about her getting a Scottish fold kitten for her mom in 2008 after the family cat passed away 2 years back. We know from the bonus comics in the TMM manga that Mia Ikumi had a Scottish fold.

スコティッシュフォールドという種類のキャリコなお嬢さん。 A calico lady called a Scottish fold.

https://web.archive.org/web/20081231223544/http://pocopoco.sblo.jp/category/627816-1.html

Komomo also says she’s interested in gothic lolita clothing and that she dresses up at events. We know Mia Ikumi also dressed up for events, since that’s in her bio, and she drew her outfits in manga bonus page.

＊ゴスロリの部屋＊ 小桜小桃の趣味のページです。主に持っている服やアイテム、欲しいモノの紹介、ゴスロリに関する事とかも書いていこうと思います。 *Gothic Lolita Room* A page about Komomo Kozakura’s hobby. Mainly I’ll write about clothing items I own, stuff I want, and things related to gothic lolita fashion.

https://web.archive.org/web/20160425154652/http://pocopoco.sblo.jp/category/627812-1.html

今回のコミケはカゼのため、コスとかせずに防寒重視でいったのですが Because I had a cold at this Comiket, I went without any kind of costume to focus on keeping warm

https://web.archive.org/web/20160425154658/http://pocopoco.sblo.jp/category/627816-1.html

Between the art, the timeline of when things were posed vs Ikumi's public career, and the small bits of overlapping info on the artists' lives, I'm very confident that Mia Ikumi and Komomo Kozakura are two pennames for the same artist.

As for why, we can only speculate. I will say it's pretty common for artists to use a different penname for doujin work vs professional work, although some keep it more secret than others. It's especially common if the doujin work is more risque than the professional, which is the case here. I'll also say that almost all of Ikumi's post-TMM works were fairly short. Only One Wish may have been imagined as a one-volume anthology from the start, but it seems like TMM a La Mode and Repure may have been canceled early based on rushed endings with a lack of follow-up on plot points. Comi Digi +, the magazine in which Koi Cupid was published, got discontinued in 2008, presumably ending that series early as well. Ikumi also seems pretty annoyed with her editor in the a La Mode bonus comics, so possibly she was frustrated with baggage of the Mia Ikumi identity and wanted a fresh start.

Possibly she stopped putting out work around 2018 or possibly she started working under another penname. Maybe that was when Nakayoshi got in contact with her to begin planning for ReTurn, Ole/Au Lait, New, the TMM Blu-ray, the manga re-release, etc.

In conclusion, it seems like there are many more works by the artist known as Mia Ikumi than we'd thought previously, plus slightly more of a web presence, although this seems to have ended years before the TMM 20th anniversary renaissance. It's possible there are more accounts under the Komomo/小桃 name or under another penname that might be found in the future.

[asktheisle]

What made you wanna start up ask blogging? :0c

God it's been such a while, so I might be all over the place in this explanation-

Let me backtrack tooooooo the DeviantArt days. I used to be pretty active on there and at the time-react accounts were gaining popularity. It was basically the same feel as an askblog where people would put comments with questions or videos etc and the account's character would simply react to them. I had one such account but it never took off, and then I did something similar on my main account to take questions between me and my partner and I think there were like...two that actually got done.

It just kinda started falling off and at the time I had a friend who was in pokeask, and I'd ask them how things were run and such and how to do things. Mulled on it for a while back in creating one.

I think my first try was in 2017-2018?? It was with a specific set of characters/an 'au' that is better left to the sands of time now, but I used my dA account mostly and then made my current "main" blog (kuixotic) as a mirror account to post. It didn't take off at all gdhsj

I then started to try and use my main as a general doodle posting and sandbox ask account, of which if you look far enough into the archive you might find remnants. Also didn't get far with it.

Tried AGAIN with the first blog, but making it story based. Absolutely nothing-

So I stopped trying for a while and just hardly used this account. I think I was chatting on and off with my initial friend who was still into pokeask and asked for advice on setting up pages and such, and once again tried to make an askblog and start posting on it. This one and what was initially called dimensional-traverser were supposed to be connected sandbox blogs. This one more a focus on Tano, the other on the entire worldbuild I had.

So come 2019 where I make this blog, and I get a few asks from friends in servers over the course of several months in between. I end up dropping the blog again with little traction.

And then came the beginning of 2020, and things just took OFF.

A very special mention goes out to @divine--tragedy for being the first person I reached out to on tumblr in regards to askblog interactions, despite the characters I used to associate with at the time being ones I don't want to think about anymore it's been great being here and I'm glad I took the plunge in sending a message all that time ago

Also a mention to @crewel-intentions for being the one blog to come at me when I was ready to drop this blog for good and sending me an ask, reblogging it and basically getting this whole thing to where it's at. This blog literally didn't take off until my favorite lil ghost muppet-cat came to chat with my favorite shadow muppet grandpa and it has been a JOURNEY to say the least. Scheming with you and getting to be great buddies has been an absolute privilege and I wanna thank you (like I always do) for getting this party started eheheh

[skzingitup]

ALBUM REVIEW TIME 👹

This is gonna be a long one so be prepared!!

Today we will be reviewing Stray Kids’ new compilation album SKZ-REPLAY. comprised of songs previously released on youtube. They decided to bring them to streaming platforms, along with new solo songs for each member.

I wasn’t going to do this review because its a big album. But i’m bored and sad and SKZ make me feel better so here we go!!

FAM (Korean ver.) - 5/10 - I’ve listened to the japanese version a few times before. It’s cute. A little song to introduce all the Skz members!! Funky little beat. Not something i would listen to often tho. But a great way to start this album

Connected (BangChan) - 5/10 - All English!! Someone get this man laid he keeps writing horny song 🤨 2016 love island intro type beat. Kind if slays tho tbf. I really like Chan’s vocal tone. Although i prefer his other solo on this album.

Limbo (Lee Know) - 9/10 - Pop Rock ballad from Lee Know. Makes me so happy i get to hear his vocals so much more 😭 everything about this song suits my music taste. No complaints. Just *his voice* man has lungs fr. The way it just ends abruptly is genius. They will forever be stuck in this limbo with no solution or end. PERFECTION. I sobbed when i first listened

Doodle (Changbin) - 7/10 - well and truly noise music. Pots pans and alarms if you will. And for some reason it tickled my brain so well. MY LIFES LIKE A DOODLE MY STYLES LIKE A DOODLE!! I’m in love with the way he says doodle in this!! Changbin said with this song he wanted to make a song with a unique flow and style. And i think he succeeded!! But however because if it’s jarring nature, it loses it’s repeatability

Love Untold (Hyunjin) - 7/10 - now the articles lied to me about this song. It said it was hip hop with rock guitars. There was a single rock guitar chord before the final chorus and they it cut off 🧍🏼‍♀️ left me disappointed so my initial impression of the song wasn’t that good. BUT after listening again for what it actually is. An alternative hip hop song. It’s amazing!! Hyunjin’s lyricism is so pretty and he makes good tracks!! His vocal/rapping tone works so well with this style of song. However. I do prefer his other solos on this album. That YAEEYAEEYAEEYAEYA get stuck in my head fr.

RUN (Han) - 8/10 - I love the music Han makes so much. He always writes such relatable lyrics and this one hit. And the funky little sophisticated mario cart beat is so good!! I like that the beat feels like its running. It matches the name of the song!! I thought he sounded different in this song and it turns out he used the original recording from 2019 for this so it makes sense. He sounds younger. Writing and recording at a time where he struggled really come across in his voice and it’s really smart of him to keep the original track!! So much replay ability with this one. Its just so addictive!!

Deep End (Felix) - 6/10 - Now when felix said he was gonna do a song that had no rap i was surprised but then he said it was gonna be a song like glimpse of us but mixed a bit with lalaland. And he wasn’t wrong. He said said it would have an ASMR type feel to it. To which he was correct in saying. Now Felix isn’t rhe strongest vocalist in skz. But his development over the last year alone is so good and his confidence has grown in his voice and i’m so proud of him. With this song he managed to show off his fucking 3 octave vocal range. Insane. Imagine what he could do in a couple more years!! The way he harmonises woth himself is so fucking good. Anyway. The song is in all english and i cried 😭 its too sad to be repeatable but it’s so good!!

Stars and Raindrops (Seungmin) - 8.5/10 - seungmin working with Day6’s producer is always gonna create a banger. A retro/nostalgic sounding pop rock style song. Reminds me of Fairytale by Dreamcatcher. Perfect song to listen to on full blast while driving at nighttime!! Also Seungmin’s vocals!! The money i would pay to have this man just sing right next to my ear. 😩 so much replay ability here too!! Beautiful song!!

Hug me (I.N) - 8/10 - quick stop at the beach i suppose 😭 this is such a tropical funky little song. Ukulele song for sure!! Get them 2016 ukulele girlies on this one!! Jeongin’s vocal improvement over the last year makes me emotional. His voice is so unique and lovely and i’m so happy he gets to use his full capabilities now. Someone on twt pointed out you can hear when he’s smiling when he sings and they’re so right. And thats throughout this whole song. Gonna sob Also the sentiment of him wanting to hug us (the fans) in this song as someone who doesn’t like physical touch that much means so much 😭🥹 ILL GIVE YOU A HUG OH BABY!! basically i am in love with him, hand in marriage sir!!

#loveSTAY - 6/10 - I’ve not actually listened to this one before, lets go 👹 ballad!! Dedicated to the fans (STAYS) stunning vocals!! Skz don’t have very show offy vocalists but all their tones are so fucking nice to listen to and that’s so much better to me that being able to hit lots of high notes. It’s cute!! Ballads automatically don’t have much replay ability factor for me because i have to be in a specific mood for them but this is such a lovely song. Lovely is the perfect description i feel

Zone (3RACHA) - 7/10 - honestly, my fave 3racha track i’ve heard so far. (I haven’t dabbled in their pre-debut stuff yet, im too scared 😭) it’s a very classic rap song. The chorus is addicting. CANT YOU SEE IM IN MY ZONE!! The use of native māori words is cool too!! Māori fans have praised the pronunciation and correct use of them so that’s really nice to see!! Changbin’s gritty rap tone is so good man 😩 honestly a slay

Close (Han) - 5.5/10 - Pretty!! I am just in love with the instrumentals he produces, they’re so pretty and chill (most of the time) his rapping style is my fave in the group. Good pitch and flow and stuff. Very pleasing to listen to. And he has such insane vocals too. What can’t this man do actually?? 🤨 the stylistic autotune in the chorus makes it less replay-able personally. I’m not a huge fan of it when it’s on quite high pitched vocals. Just doesn’t sit well in my ears. But aside from that. A very lovely song

Streetlight (Changbin ft. Bangchan) - 9/10 - Oh how i love this song. The meaning behind it 🥹 Changbin wrote it in hopes to be the “streetlight” for fans who are facing a period of darkness and released it during mental health awareness month!! I love him ☹️ but aside from that, i will always love a song that has vocalist changbin in it!! Also it’s nice to hear softer raps from him!! Chan’s feature blends in so nicely and just adds an extra layer of vocals to complete the song!!

I hate to admit (BangChan) - 10/10 - Fuck. I love this song so much. The simple piano instrumental with Chan’s emotional vocals!! Makes me cry every time. I’ve been listening to it on repeat since it came out!! the lyrics are simple but so effective. His voice is just so €~*_=|€]+[=!| in this yknow?? His softer lower tone with powerful chest voice when it picks up?? Stunning!! HOW COULD I FORGET! THE DAY YOU LIED TO ME!!!!

I GOT IT (Han) - 7/10 - youtube diss track type beat 😭 also the switch up from chan to this?? Insane. Who decided the song order for this album!! But anyway. The song. Very much classic rap style song. Get to see the capabilities of Han’s more agressive/ faster style of rapping in this!! Would I shake ass to this?? Absolutely. Again what cant he do? Songs that make me cry and songs that make me shake ass, sometimes even both at the same time?? Genius fr

Miss you (Hyunjin) - 10/10 - oh how i love this song, his soft and swingy style vocals in this make me ascend to heaven actually. The acoustic guitar!! I love a good acoustic guitar in a song!! Honestly not much to say about this other than it’s pure vibes. Gives me the same feeling that Fairy of shampoo by TXT did!!

Maknae on top (I.N feat BC + CB) - 7/10 - this song 💀 its so silly. So unserious. Jeongin went to chan one day and was like “so i want to make a song about how i’m the one in charge and have you and binnie act as my servants/body guards” and i respect him for that. Goofy ass autotune but it works in the unseriousness of the song. MAKNAE ON TOP OHWOAHOH!! Changbin and Chan’s features work so well and yeah overall silly goofy song passes the vibe check

Alien (Han) - 6/10 - I wonder if he regrets writing the chorus in such a high key 😭 but yeah back to the same sort of style as close, this time depicting how he feels like an alien on earth as he doesn’t quite fit in and struggles with who he is as a person. Which fits in with Han’s own struggles with people and social anxiety. Honestly a slay. Made me cry, related a little too much. Again the autotune takes away replay ability for me. But it works better in this song!!

Because (Changbin, Felix) - 6/10 - VOCALIST BINNIE AGAIN!! A chill beat!! Felix’s deeper vocals mix really well with Changbin’s lighter tone. But the rasp of felix’s voice and the grit in changbin’s compliment each other so well in the rap verses. And the soft chorus ties it all together

Piece of a puzzle (Changbin, Seungmin) - 6/10 - oh pretty start!! I will never get over how much i love seungmin’s voice!! DONT FADE AWAY DONT FADE AWAY!! More melody to changbin’s rapping in this too!! Not much to say with this one honestly. Just a chill and pretty song!!

Wish you back (Han) - 6/10 - ah yes, the song everyone low key agrees is written about hyunjin on his hiatus 😀 pain 😀 another song that falls into the same genre as close and alien. But a bit more up beat that those two!! He really does just know how to make a nice song!! I WISH YOU BACK!!! I WISH YOU BACK!! the auto tune is a bit much for me in the song as well. But yeah great song!!

HaPpY (Han) - 7/10 - at this point i think we all have a grasp of what a Han song sounds like. Rap with some nice vocal moments, stylistic autotune and a chill hip hop type beat!! I love that he already has a distinct style that he keeps improving upon as he goes!! The autotune works better in this one too!!

Up all night (BC, CB, FLX, SM) - 10/10 - best song ever. EVER. i love it so much. Funky little tune with some funky dudes. Got halloween vibes (especially the MV) but yeah. It was the first song Chan produced as a trainee but just remastered and featuring some of his members. This coming after maknae on top with a 5 second transition is so fucking good btw. Happened when i shuffled the other day! Has a kind of salsa type beat to it but mixed with that trap/hiphop beat. Works so well. I will never get tired of this song. Even tho its a more relaxed song it doesn’t get boring. I DONT WANT TO GO TO SLEEP NOW, ILL BE MAKING A MASTERPIECE NOW

Drive (Bangchan, Lee Know) - 6/10 - ah yes, the song that is absolutely about driving 😀 this is such an unserious song for me too, it’s so silly. The autotune fits with the unseriousness like maknae on top. But yeah. Just two dudes singing about riding rough in the course of the night. RIDE LIKE THE MOTION OF THE OCEAN!!

Ice.cream (Hyunjin) - 9/10 - words cannot describe how much this song just makes my brain happy. They lyrics are sad tho ☹️ its about seeing someone who has a cold exterior as someone who is actually warm. Hence “i see ice as a cream babe” but in actuality they are just cold 😀 he had to go and make the trope actually sad 😀 but yeah. Relaxing r&b style song. I love it so much

Anyways. Thank you if you made it all the way to the end!! Stan Stray kids and Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!! 🫶🏻🎄

[sativerse]

OC ARCHIVE!

this is Ottos's OC Archive! OCs will be organized from oldest to newest, and it'll probably be updated frequently! be PREPARED! i have too many OCs!! they'll be dated if i know exactly when they're from :)

a lot of the older ones are FNaF OCs, so just like be warned lol

there were a lot of ocs lost in between that i can remember but not find their names.. :(

Key! OC Name ~ OC Title/Affiliation (month created)

don't say i didn't warn ya!

Mallory, Razz, Charlie, Ray ~ Early Main OCs (2018-2019 roughly)

2020

Doodle (1.0 + 2.0) ~ Main OCs (Early 2020) Sherbert, Annerose, Jax, Tamarin, Andre, Quinn, Nadia, Bailey ~ FNaF OCs (May) Akira ~ Alien (sorta) (June) Marki Bird ~ Animatronic Son To Akira (June-June[rip]) Peony & Rose ~ FNaF OCs (June) Duckie ~ Main OC (June) Spice / Pumpkin ~ FNaF OC (June) Muzari ~ FNaF OC (June) Muzi ~ FNaF OC (June) Silver ~ FNaF OC (June) Drama ~ FNaF OC (June) Beatrix "Bean" Diane Beau ~ From a FNaF rp initially? not a FNaF OC (July) Stanley ~ [see Beatrix] (July) Froggie ~ Main OC (July) Ant / Antonin ~ Main OC (Earliest Date Found > August[was definitely created months before this]) Cadence, Shelly ~ Internal Personifications [intrusive thoughts, brain] (September) Alvah ~ 7 Deadly Sins RP OC [Wrath] (September) Anubis, Khonsu ~ OCs stolen from Egyptian mythology (October) Villain!AU Ant & Hero!AU Ant ~ Main OC alts (October) [i don't remember their names but they represented my subconscious and my brain and they were in love dont ask me idk] ~ Main OCs (October) Ant / Antonin (REPRISE) ~ Main OC (November) Ant / Antoinette ~ Invert Main OC (November) Olive ~ Antionette's cousin (November) Alvah (REPRISE) ~ 7 Deadly Sins RP OC [Wrath] (November) [all the planet names] ~ Planet Personifications (December) Marietta and his siblings [I DONT REMEMBER THEIR NAMES BUT HE HAD LIKE SIX (6) SIBLINGS] ~ Plain 'ol OCs (December) Ant / Antonin (REPRISEx2) ~ Main OC (December) Ant / Antonin (REPRISEx2) 2.0 ~ Main OC (December)

2021

Muzari (REPRISE) ~ FNaF OC (January) Muzi (REPRISE) ~ FNaF OC (January) Tucker ~ OC (January) Villain!AU Ant (REPRISE) ~ Main OC Alt (January) Debra ~ Main OC Alt[hard to explain] (January) Jake ~ Tucker's Brother (January) Rich ~ Jake's BF (January) Rainey ~ Rich's Sister (January) Gavin ~ OC (January) Clarke ~ Intrusive Thoughts Personification (January) Pirate!AU Ant (Pirant) ~ Main OC Alt (January) Laura ~ Jake & Tucker's Mom (January) Clarke & Antie ~ Main OCs (January) Anton ~ Main OC Alt [extREMELY hard to explain] (January) Moss ~ Main OC (February) Michael ~ OC (Febuary) Nathaniel, Bailey, Jackson, Grey ~ Michael's Siblings (Febuary) Miceli ~ OC [affiliated with Michael's family] (Febuary) Malcom ~ OC (Febuary) Jamie ~ OC (March) Solstice ~ OC (March) Gavin ~ OC (March) Mockingjay / Stanford ~ OC (March) Chirp / Stanley ~ Mockingjay's Brother (March) Tucker ~ OC [he's the step brother of the other tucker] (March) Snail ~ Main OC (March)

Chirp & Mockingjay (REPRISE) ~ OCs (December) Vesper / Valerie ~ Demon[Fallen Angel] / Angel (December) Apricot ~ OC (December) Connor ~ OC (December) Pine / Zealous ~ OC (December) Benjy ~ Fox (December) Blue & Red ~ OCs (December) Sol ~ OC (December) Marlo ~ OC (December) Sami ~ Shark (December) Oracle / Ori ~ Orca (December) Orcus ~ Orca (December) Sphinx ~ Bobcat (January)

2022

Akita [my beloved] ~ Wolf (January) West ~ Akita's Cousin (January) Xavier ~ Hyena (January) Bliss ~ Pine / Zealous' Brother (January) Valor ~ Bliss's Twin (January) Arch ~ Valor's Younger Brother (January) Cobalt ~ OC (January) Qiao Orlov ~ Tiger (January) Miceli ~ Werewolf (January) Memphis ~ Miceli's Twin (January) Cerci ~ Bat (January) Falcon ~ Miceli's Little Sister (January) Kimberly ~ Friend of Miceli (January) Eris ~ Miceli's Daughter (January) Pepper ~ Dog (January) Ozzy ~ Raccoon (January) Trent ~ Eris' Secret Twin (February) Xani ~ Hyena (February) Indigo ~ Wolf (February) Sheila ~ Squid (February) Angel ~ Angler Fish (February) Pierce ~ Catboy (February) Dan ~ Catboy (February) Chester ~ Catboy (February) Wilson ~ Catboy (February) Franny "Bug" ~ Insect (February) Beau ~ Shark (February) Fern ~ OC (February) Sinopia ~ Chimera (February) Aesop ~ Changeling (February) Zeus ~ Changeling (February) Tale ~ Changeling (February) Folke ~ Changeling (February) Myth ~ Changeling (February) Elliot ~ My Only Memory of Him Was 'Little Blue Dude' (February) Arin ~ Selkie (February) Lavender ~ OC (February) Candy ~ Lavender's Bestie (February) Tam ~ OC (February) Reymond, Spencer & Dimitri ~ Personified Plushies [belonging to an oc] (February) Mongoose ~ Hare's Partner [in crimes] (February) Hare ~ Mongoose's Partner [in crimes] (February) Preston & Poppy ~ Possum Twins (March) Winter, Springer, Autumn, Summer ~ Seasonal Siblings (March) Prickle ~ LabRat (March) Oak ~ Werewolf (March) Briar ~ Werewolf (March) Tallulah ~ Cat Lady Lab Experiment (March) Nip ~ I Honestly Do Not Remember (March) Vetis ~ Uber Demon (March) Ameni ~ Little Sub-Demon (March) Yosem ~ God on the Coucil (March) Ullo ~ Demon Greed Guy (March) Seme & Dimitrik ~ Demons (March) Emilie Dubois ~ Professional Psycho (March) Emily ~ Emille's Intern (March) Barb, Thrush, River, Juniper, Rocky, Tulip, Chrysanthemum ~ Werewolf Family :) (April) Birch ~ OC (April) Kirsten ~ Birch's Husband (April) Wolfsbane & Petunia ~ Extensions of Werewolf Family (April) Benoit ~ Monster Guy [my beloved] (April) Vanessa, Shade, Frenchie ~ Monster OCs (April) Arlo, Hyde, Zeke, Royal, Nico ~ Vampire Hybrid Type Deal Family [siblings] (April) Cayde & Banshee ~ Roommates (May) Arcite ~ Business Associate of Banshee (May) Hazel ~ Dominatrix (May) Quinlan ~ Tiger, Qiao's Sister (May) Faris ~ Bear Man (May) Atticus ~ 'Lil Nerd (May) Bennett ~ Sea Bunny (May) Ezekiel ~ Bennett's Brother (May) [unnamed] ~ Bennett's Sister (May) Alistair ~ Mercenary (May) Keystone ~ Changeling[Lab-Created] (May) Ocean ~ Professional Asshole[But Actually An Absolute Pussy] (May)

Xiāo "Viper" ~ Serial Killer/Exotic Pet Shop Owner (May)

Malachai ~ Bodyguard/Security Man (May)

Mykola ~ Insane Circus Performer (May)

Patrick ~ Bodyguard/Security Man (May)

Sawyer ~ Hes Just A Little Guy (May)

Sloane ~ Sawyer's Insane Sister (May)

Walter ~ Hes Just A Baby (May)

Matcha ~ Walter's Sibling (May)

Angel & Eden ~ Walter's Siblings (May)

Amari ~ Walter's Youngest Sibling (May)

Flowers ~ Street Urchin Rat (May)

Grif ~ Rat (May)

York/Wash ~ Trans Rat (May)

Simmons ~ Rat (May)

Rowan ~ Lion (June)

Lex~ Lemur (June)

Hugo ~ Femboy Red Panda (June)

Soren ~ Snow Leopard (June)

Midway ~ Old OC Remake (June)

Blake ~ Old OC Remake (June)

Layla ~ Old OC Remake (June)

Nexo ~ Old OC Remake (June)

Nelly ~ Nexo's Sister (June)

Mima ~ Renamed Old OC Remake (June)

Cailean ~ Cinnamon Roll of a Monster (June)

Orion ~ CatBoy (June)

Dyon (Dionysus) ~ Orion's Half-Brother (June)

[rielzero]

Concept Art Ramble

I’m working on a bunch of concept art for redesigns, and more official refsheets I intend to make for my adopted ocs.

This one is an adopt who has rather cosmetic armor- the idea is to design a new set highly inspired by the old one, while still applying enough realism to make it work. The outfit will eventually look like an upgraded version of the initial design.

Another thing I’m working on is the long awaited redesign of Clark, who I haven’t touched since 2019?? I did draw him in 2020 sometimes, it seemed, but he was shelved for the most part.

When doing these pen doodles i usually go through rough ideas, some designs take more time to consider and I end up with something very different from initial idea. Yep, pen doodle means no eraser was involved. I’ve out of frixion pens for years. Haha.

The main design for Clark is his pre-corrupted form, one specific gimmick with his design was that he had a corruption arc, and I’ve not redesigned that version. I believe the last time I drew corrupted Clark was either 2017 or 2018. When I was using him mostly.

Clark needs more love.

So, I can’t open my onedrive back-up on my old art work, had to open it on browser instead. Onedrive has too many issues for me sometimes lol, without very useful one-click fixes. Browser it is.

I’ll be adding them to this post so its easier for me to find back. Warning, Its really old art.

My experimental digital paintings do sorta look cool if you think about it, but man why did I draw noses like that? haha. It’s still fun to look at my old stuff. I don’t cringe that much. Clark’s ‘’corrupted’’ form had a half blackened skin, and the ability to use wolverine-esque lightning made claws from his right hand.

Yup this is definetly from 2018. The origins of my toony artstyle. Man he was a quirky character.

I was mostly looking for this drawing though.

I’m pretty sure this is the first time that I drew him, so its very bare bones conceptually. The idea was that he also has a mask, and wears very shady robes, giving him the ‘’mysterious’’ villain feel.

I was experimenting a lot with art styles during this time, you might notice a lot of this.

No commentary further.

Oh- thats the last image I can find of this form.

Bonus old design pic

He had cute expressions but fuck i drew HUGEEEE eyes HAHA.

Eitherway now that I have a visual reference to that old corrupted form, I can think of many ways to do it better in the redesign.

One of the main think is that the ‘’black side’’ will be traded with actual lightning scars. Thats been on my mind for ages. I might keep some of the color scheme, though. But a lot will change.

[sysig]

Some redraws and updates over the past two years

[rabbitbatthing]

made him like 5% darker so that the white markings would stand out better, smh

[system76]

System76 Spotlight with Adam Balla

Welcome to the first of an ongoing series where we get to know some of the amazing people behind System76! This week, we kick things off with one of our newest members, Adam Balla (AKA chzbacon), who has just joined the Marketing Team as our Content Producer. Learn what makes his content creation heart go pitter-patter, and why his electric smoker is his must-have cooking appliance.

When did you first become interested in Linux computer systems?

When my roommate introduced me to Slackware in 1999, he was working as a Linux system admin and he really got me interested in Linux. I was going to the Art Institute of Houston at the time for a Multimedia Design degree, and the thought that you could create your own desktop operating system really appealed to me. I didn’t need to stare at the same old tacky operating system I’d used for years.

I found myself, like many nerds of the era, at a Micro Center in the early 2000s rummaging through the discount software bins, trying to snag up multi-CD Linux distributions. This journey exposed me to several of today’s most popular Linux distros. One of those was SUSE Linux 5.3, of which I still keep the tattered book on a bookshelf as a reminder. I did however finally find my place in the world of Debian, which is where I essentially live today. Honestly not much has really changed other than using Pop!_OS as my main distribution—though like any Linux diehard, I still love to download, test, and sometimes install all the Linux.

When did you start becoming a champion for open source hardware and software?

It was a few years after that. Once I got back from the Art Institute and I was working in the area, we needed a server for the screen printing shop that I worked at. Knowing about Linux at that point, I was able to set up a server using consumer-grade gear that we could store all of our artwork and assets on. Moving forward, I set up a server for the newspaper that I worked at for a decade, which I know is still running to this day. After using Linux in that sort of environment and knowing it was good enough for a business, I knew it was good enough for me and my needs.

How did you get involved in content creation as a career?

My father was an engineer. When I was young I was always, like most kids, into drawing cars and doodles and cartoons, but I was used to having a drafting table at the house. Computing came around, and my father bought an IBM 486 and one of the original digitizing tablets, and so I got to play around with that. Eventually, he got upset because I was on the computer more than he was, so he bought me an IBM 386 to use.

Around 1995, my dad learned from a coworker about Photoshop. I begged him to get me a copy, and he finally did for Christmas. That’s when I started playing around in Photoshop and really fell into wanting to create for a living. Similar to what my father does, but maybe not as stringent in the decision that I make—no building is going to fall down from my creative process.

And that’s how I got into the whole content creation piece. I created a cover for the album of my high school bands and then started doing work for more local bands. Back then, there were no digital art courses, so I learned a lot by doing and trial/error.

What is your favorite part of the creative process?

Working together as a team during the initial brainstorming process. Going through all of the ideas and details, sometimes writing them down, sometimes not, and even laughing at myself at how ridiculous an idea may sound. I love the process of the very first step. I love to set the vision for the project work from there to turn that vision into reality.

How did you first learn about System76?

I first learned about System76 through Chris Fisher and Jupiter Broadcasting. I believe they were reviewing the Leopard Extreme in 2012, on what at that time was the Linux Action Show. That’s when I started to look at System 76 and their offerings and wondered if it would be better for me to build my own Linux desktop, or adopt something and support the open source community. It’s been a little while since then, and I’ve always kept my eye on System76. Then with the release of Thelio, that really pushed me to the point of, “Wow, these guys are creating their own beautiful custom chassis and they’re incorporating different materials together. What a beautiful machine.”

I was speaking to my wife (financial advisor) about purchasing one in 2019, and I spoke to Emma and some other people at System76 about my desire for one, and I don’t know how, but Emma encouraged me not to buy one! And then I was given the opportunity to come to System76 for the Superfan event, where I was fortunate enough to be one of a dozen people who were gifted a Thelio desktop. It sits on my desk to this day; I even bought a larger desk just so I could put it up there and see it every day. I really appreciate the humble beginnings of System76, and I’m so glad to finally be a part of this amazing team.

Let's get into that creative brain. What is your favorite viral video and/or ad, and why do you love it so much?

I have a few ads that I like. I’ve always liked Honda’s messaging and their ads.

I like these ads because of the way in which they go through their history and lineage and the way that Honda itself has marketed its products as “People First” products—very similar to when they introduced their motorcycles to the US with their “You meet the nicest people on a Honda,” campaign. I think that was in 1962, so this was during the height of the motorcycle gang craze. Then comes this little Japanese motorcycle company and markets their products in a completely opposite image from the rest of the industry. They dared to be different and it paid off for them. Selling over 100 million Honda Cubs since 1958. Being given the title of most produced motor vehicle in the world.

This may come as a surprise to some, but I also really love the original Orwellian-inspired Macintosh commercial, which only aired once during the 1984 Super Bowl. Created by Steve Hayden, Brent Thomas and Lee Clow. In my opinion, these guys really created disruptive advertising, so much so that the ad still resonates today as much as it did then. While I don’t think you need to incite fear to sell a product, it showed that Apple dared to be different.

I’m not sure what constitutes a viral video these days. I’m not sure if it’s having a billion trillion views or just simply infecting one person who saw your video. One that always gives me a chuckle has to be “News Anchor Laughs At Worst Police Sketch Fail”. The honesty on the anchor's face makes me lose it every time.

When you’re not helping to lead the Open Source revolution, what do you like to do with your free time?

I really like going on walks and taking photos. Photography to me is one of the last honest art forms. What you see really is what you get. I love to tinker and make things, I have a 3D printer that my wife and I purchased as a joint valentine’s gift to each other last year. We started using it right when COVID broke out, so we made around 900 face shields which we distributed to schools, day cares, dentist's offices, anyone who needed one. That’s what we did for about the first 6 months when we first got it. Now, my wife loves to print earrings, for example, and I like to build different fun electronics projects.

I also love to cook, especially for large groups. I just got done with an Easter Weekend + Birthday celebration where we cooked 100 lbs of crawfish, 10 lbs of pork shoulder, sausage, and boudin (which is basically rice and pieces of pork that have been mixed together with seasonings and then put into a casing like sausage). One of my main requirements actually for a place in Denver is somewhere I can bring my electric smoker. It’s a must-have for any Texan.

What are you most excited about with your new role here at System76? To help change the computing landscape as we know it today. Into a future where technology is free and open. A world where you're encouraged to break things, fix things, and learn how they work. Aside from changing the world and stuff, I'm really excited to have a chance to work with such an insanely talented group of people.

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 4

September 28th 2019

Aberdeen Bloom was letting it all out.  

Siena had called, cooped up in her room in the house she rented with two other girls, taking a break from studying for torts law or shorts law or whatever type of law it was that she had to study.  It was these moments – moments when Siena caught up with her younger sister – that reminded her that she was slaving through law school because Aberdeen would probably need a lawyer one day after doing something colossally stupid.  She’d usually start the conversations with “You can’t tell mom and dad…” and Siena would promise not to.  And, well, she’d keep that promise.  Because sisters never told.  They only ever told on Camden.

Aberdeen told Siena about the night with William in June – she told her about a week later, after Siena was finally settled back into her place in Ottawa.  They’d talked about it for a while and had come to terms with the fact that Aberdeen would never see William again because of the whole Sweden thing and because of the fact that Toronto was a city full of a few million people.  They’d accepted it and moved on.

But then, of course, William showed up in the elevator on her first day of work and the floodgates opened.  

“Wait…hold on a second,” Siena held her hand up.  “You’re telling me you hooked up with a Toronto Maple Leaf.”

“Yes.”

“A hockey player.  That guy was a hockey player.”

“Yes,” Aberdeen stressed.  

“And now…” Siena paused.  “You work for the president of the team that he plays for.”

“Precisely.”

Siena let out a long, loud sign, facepalming before rubbing her temples.  “I don’t know how you get yourself into these situations, Aberdeen,” she shook her head.  “I honestly don’t.”

“I don’t, either.”

“What are you going to do about it?”

Aberdeen looked at her sister weird.  “There’s nothing I can do about it.  It says right in the employee handbook that no employee and player are allowed to hook up.  I can’t tell Brendan and William can’t tell the rest of the team.  That’s that.”

“Are you scared he might?”

Aberdeen considered the question.  “I really don’t know.  On one side, I feel like if he really wanted to tell them he would have told them already, and Brendan Shanahan would have found out through the grapevine and I would have already lost my job.  Like, I wouldn’t have even gone to Newfoundland.  On the other hand, I feel like the comments he’s been saying to me just make it seem like this is a game to him and he’s waiting on the most opportune moment to tell.”

“Comments?” Siena asked.  

Aberdeen sighed.  “I went to dinner with a bunch of them in St. John’s because Jason invited me, and he asked me who my favourite Leaf was in this really flirty way,” she explained.  “Then a few days later he found me alone and told me I should have said him.  Or at least have said he was fucking awesome because that’s what I said that night after we hooked up.”

Siena facepalmed again.  “Oh, Aberdeen…”

“I know, Siena.”

“Does Kasha know?” she asked.

“Of course Kasha knows.”

“Kasha won’t tell a soul.  She’s good like that.”

“I know.  My problem here is William.”

“Listen, Aberdeen…this is a fucked up situation but it’s…I mean, technically you didn’t hook up with him when you were employee.  It was months before.  You had no idea who he was.  That’s what my lawyer brain is telling me right now.”

“I don’t know if that matters,” Aberdeen said.  “I keep getting told that this is the dream job, that if I do well with Mr. Shanahan I can have my pick of any job in any field that I want in Toronto, including writing.  That’s how well connected he is.  I wouldn’t want to get on his bad side at all.  I have to be on my best behaviour and I have to keep doing well.”

“Then keep being on your best behaviour.  Keep doing your job,” Siena encouraged.  “And keep William away.”

***

September 30th, 2019

With only two days until the start of the season, Brendan had a lot of meetings with a lot of people.  There were meetings with hockey ops, meetings with the head scouts, meetings with player development, meetings with analytics.  It was a much busier time than just three weeks ago.  A lot more coffee runs.  More ordering of catered lunches.  More running around like a chicken with her head cut off, like Brendan said she would.  And this wasn’t even the start of the season.

Brendan wanted her to sit it in on the meeting he had now with basically the entire senior management so they could go over upcoming events and initiatives they’d put on throughout the season.  Kyle Dubas would be there.  Brandon Pridham and Laurence Gilman, the assistant general managers would be there.   Dave Morrison, the director of player personnel would be there.  Brad Lynn, the director of team operations would be there.  Stephen Hare, the director of finance would be there.  Steve Keogh, the director of media relations would be there.  Alison Rockwell, the director of business relations would be there.  Leanne Hederson, the manager of hockey operations would be there.  

Aberdeen was clearly studying the employee directory.  

They had a list of things to talk about, and talked through them all.  Aberdeen had her notebook and tried to take notes, but she felt like she was writing a foreign language and none of this would make sense when she went to read them again.  There was talk about “You Can Play Night”, about galas, about charity golf tournaments, about community outreach programs, about the alumni events, about the MLSE Launchpad initiatives…

Then they started to talk about alternate jerseys.  She thought there was only home and away jerseys, but no, there was apparently a third for a special night.  A “St. Pats” jersey.  It was green.  A definite change from the blue, but they kept going on and on about it.  Do we do this?  What about this?  How about this?  It was incredibly pedantic.  She felt like she was in science class again, doodling instead of taking notes since she had no clue what was being said or what was going on.  

“Do you think we should go with the same one from last season, or should we choose a new design?” Dave Morrison asked.

“It’s hard to say.  If we go with last year’s design, jersey sales may stagnate or decline if we compare it on a year-by-year basis, but a new design will boost that,” Stephen Hare said.

“Well, listen.  It’s the 2019-2020 season.  We can go with the design from 1919-1920,” Brandon Pridhan said, pulling up the mock-ups of the jersey.  Aberdeen took into account the green and white, the lettering, everything.  “Or should we balk the season number and go with this one, the 1926-1927 season design?” he held up the other mock-up.  It was basically the exact same design, except the colours were inverted.  

They were having an extremely serious and long discussion about this?  Aberdeen snorted from the corner.

Suddenly, when she looked up, every eye in the room was on her.  The smile immediately dropped from her face.  Brendan was looking at her.  “Something funny?”

Oh shit.  Oh shit.  Ohfuckohfuckohfuck.  “No, no…” she began, trying to cover for herself.  “It’s nothing – you know – it’s just that they look exactly the same to me.  I…you know, I’m still learning about all this stuff.”

“This…stuff?” Brendan asked, repeating her words.  The look that he gave her – she never wanted to be looked at like that again for the rest of her life.  “Oh…okay.  I see.  You think this has nothing to do with you.  You get hired by the Maple Leafs and you sit in on this meeting with, oh I don’t know, that iPad Pro which the company paid for, and you scoff because you think we’re taking this too seriously, and you don’t care about what jerseys fans put on their back.  But what you don’t know is that this hockey sweater is not just blue and white, it’s not just green and white, it’s actually a symbol,” he paused, moving from his spot at the table, walking around it.  “You’re also blindly unaware of the fact that in 1919 the Toronto Arenas were about to go under, only to be saved by a group of investors who renamed the team the Toronto St. Patricks, and who later made Conn Smythe their managing partner and their eventual owner.  Conn Smythe ended up changing their name in 1927 to the Toronto Maple Leafs because that maple leaf was the national symbol of Canada and, as he said, a badge of courage and a reminder of home of when he was a Canadian Army officer during World War One,” he picked the design he liked most from Brandon and pinned it onto the board, taking another from the pile.  Aberdeen’s heart stopped beating.  “The blue and white, he said, represented the Canadian skies and Canadian snow.  The name has changed, the investors have changed, and the logo has seen design changes, but that maple leaf is a symbol that represents the identity of Toronto, the history of this city, and the pride of the country.  It represents millions of dollars and countless jobs, and so it’s sort of comical how you think that you ever made a choice that exempted you from caring about these jerseys when, in fact, this city’s identity and one of the most well-known national symbols were selected for you by the people in this room who ran this hockey club.  All because of the influence of this stuff.”

He held onto a picture, holding it face up.  She broke eye contact to look down at it, only to see it was the maple leaf that was currently on the jersey.  The thirty-one points, meant to represent 1931 and the opening of Maple Leaf Gardens; the 17-vein detail, meant to represent when the franchise was founded in 1917; the 13 veins at the top, meant to represent the 13 Stanley Cup championships.  She realized what this symbol meant to not only the people in this room, but to the city, to the fabric and identity of it, to its storied past and bright future.  She realized the history behind it, the countless people who wore the sweater or jersey with pride for over a century now.  She realized how wrong and careless she’d been.  

When she looked back up, Brendan was staring at her.  So was everyone else still seated at the board table, some of them with amused looks on their faces.  “I’ll be outside if you need me,” she said, barely above a whisper because she was too embarrassed to even speak.  She clutched her iPad Pro and took the picture, walking out of the room.

The second the door closed behind her, she burst out into tears.  The tears streamed down her face as she escaped into the washroom, slamming the stall door behind her and locking it before breaking down in the bathroom stall.  Brendan Shanahan had just embarrassed her in front of some of the hockey world’s most important people and she deserved it.  She couldn’t believe she could be so fucking stupid and so dumb and callous and just such a…such an idiot.  And now here she was, crying about it in a bathroom stall.  She’d never be able to recover from this.  Brendan would think she was an idiot until the day she died.  He’d die before her and in heaven he’d still think her an idiot.

She stayed in the bathroom stall for a while, crying it all out and eventually stopping because she had no more energy to cry.  She opened the stall door and looked at herself in the mirror, trying to wipe away the tears.  Her eyes were red and of course, her cheeks were stained with tears, but she was thankful that she wore waterproof mascara that day.  She tried to collect herself, even though she had just made a complete ass of herself.  She still had a full day of work to do.  She still had to make it until 5pm.  Somehow.  

When there was nothing more she could do to fix her appearance, she sighed and decided to head back to her desk, ready to face whatever punishment Brendan was going to give her when he got out of the meeting.  There was nothing more she could say or do.  She swung open the door to the washroom and stepped out into the hallway.  

Although when she did, she crashed into a body.  When she looked up, it was, of course, none other than William Nylander.  Because her day couldn’t get any better from here.  “Hey,” he said, smiling at her.  

“What do you need?” she asked, not bothering to greet him.

He noticed the tone of her voice and the redness of her eyes and immediately changed his demeanour.  “What’s wrong?”

She side-eyed him.  As if he cared.  “I just made a complete ass of myself in front of Brendan.  No biggie,” she huffed.  

“Did you get a coffee order wrong or something?”

Now she really side eyed him.  She understood the stereotype of personal assistants, but this was not the time to start making jokes and devaluing her job.  “What do you want?  Why are you even in the offices?” she asked.  

He shrugged his shoulders.  “I wanted to see you.”

She scoffed.  “Oh, get a life, William.”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t know why you feel the need to keep taunting me when we’re on the job, but it needs to stop,” she said.  “Don’t you have drills to go through?  Don’t you like, I don’t know, need to tape a stick?”

It was his turn to give her a look.  “Hey, don’t be mad at me just because you screwed up at your job today.  I came up here to see you because I wanted to see you.  I’m trying to be nice.”

“Taunting me at my job isn’t being nice,” she said.  “If you can’t tell, I’m not having a good day.  So I’d appreciate it if you just…wouldn’t.”

“Whatever you did can’t be worse than sleeping with a Maple Leaf and then working for his boss,” William retorted.  

Okay, now she was angry.  She grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the small kitchen – the one she’d retreated to when she walked in on them in their underwear – and shut the door behind them so they could have a private conversation.  “Listen to me,” she began, her voice as steady and as intimidating as it could be.  “I know I’m not saving the world or anything, but this job means a lot to me.  This isn’t a fucking game to me like it is to you.  This is my life.  This is my livelihood.  This is my career prospects in any industry in Toronto if I do a good job here.  And you, William Nylander, are not going to take that away from me.”

“I’m not trying to take that away from you,” William declared.  “Don’t you think that if I didn’t want you here, I would have told the guys or told Brendan already?”

Aberdeen thought back to the conversation she’d had with her sister, where she brought up the exact same point.  She shook her head.  “Then stop with the comments.  Stop with the ‘coming to see me’, flirting in front of your teammates, and the flirting in general.”

“I can’t do that,” he responded.  

“Why not?” she demanded.

“Because I want you.”

The words hung in the air for an uncomfortable amount of time as William and Aberdeen stared at each other, his blue eyes piercing her hazel ones.  Her jaw dropped at his words, and she tried to respond but she couldn’t think of anything to say.  There was nothing to say.  He just dropped a bombshell and she had no way to recover.  He wanted her.  He wanted her.  He…wanted her?  “W…What?”

William didn’t respond.  He only smiled.  He didn’t say anything else as he left those words with her, opening the door and leaving the kitchen, leaving her completely dumbfounded.  

***

Later on that night, as Aberdeen was walking back to her condo after the day’s work (and not seeing Brendan again – probably for the best, since she was going to write out and rehearse her apology she’d tell him tomorrow if she didn’t get a call that she’d been fired tonight), her phone buzzed in her pocket.  She assumed that it would be Kasha, wanting to know what they were going to do for dinner.  But when she looked at her screen, it was an unknown number that texted her.

i promise im not going to tell anybody. im not going to tell any of the guys, or kyle, or brendan, or anyone what happened in june. that stays between us.

im not that guy.  i wouldn’t do that to you.

She stopped dead in her tracks.  A pedestrian behind her almost crashed into her and yelled at her to watch where she was going.  She collected herself and moved off to the side so people could pass by her and she could read the texts over and over and over again.  She didn’t even want to know how he got her number.  She didn’t want to know what covert operation he pulled.  

She gulped.

***

October 1st, 2019

Aberdeen was impatient in the backseat of the town car as she and Lou waited for Brendan to appear.  Her leg was bobbing up and down and she was pretty sure she would have chipped all her nail polish off by now if it wasn’t shellac.  She had written out and rehearsed her apology to him and knew exactly how she was going to deliver it.  She knew she had to makes things right.

“Miss Bloom,” Lou said from the driver’s seat, looking at her through the rear-view mirror like he often did.  “Nervous energy.”

“I’m sorry Lou,” she apologized, trying not to bob her leg.  “I just need to say something to Mr. Shanahan.”

“Something bad?”

“How many apologies have you heard in this car?” she asked.

Lou chuckled.  “Many, Miss Bloom.”

“How does he react to them?”

Lou shrugged.  “Depends.”

She gulped.  As if on cue, Brendan emerged from his house.  Lou got out of the car to open the door for him.  

“Good morning, Aberdeen,” he said, his voice cheery as he got into the backseat.  He already had a stack of newspapers with him.  He was acting as if nothing was wrong.  “How are you this morning?”

“I’m…good,” she replied, confused.  She decided she should just get right into it.  “Mr. Shanahan, can I speak to you about something?”

“Brendan,” he corrected her like he always did.  He was focused on the newspaper in front of him.  “And yes, Aberdeen, you may.”

“Can you look at me?”

That caught his attention.  He lowered the newspaper and took off his glasses, waiting for her to begin.  She took a deep breath.  “I want to sincerely apologize for my comments yesterday in the meeting,” she began.  “It was really insensitive of me to scoff, and then to make that comment – just really callous, and I want to apologize.  I don’t want you thinking that this job means nothing to me, because it does.  It means the world—”

“Aberdeen,” Brendan interrupted her, holding up his hand.  She stopped talking, and could tell he was thinking of what to say.  “First of all, thank you for your apology,” he began.  “What I said to you in that room, in front of everybody – I just wanted to make sure you know the importance of the work we do here.”

“I do.  I mean – I do now.”

“Hockey in Toronto is not just hockey,” he began.  “It’s a living, breathing entity in and of itself.  The sooner you realize that, the sooner you will see the importance of not just my work, or the work of anybody else that was in the room that day, but of your work too.  You are part of the Toronto Maple Leafs now, Aberdeen, whether you like it or not.  You have a role to play here in the success of the team just like anybody else.  Just because you’re an executive assistant, it doesn’t mean you don’t.”

“Yes sir,” she nodded her head.  

“I know you have a steep learning curve to go through.  I knew that when I hired you.  You’ll go through it.  And you’ll make a hell of a lot of mistakes along the way.  But you’ll go through it.  And you’ll come out better.  With more knowledge.  Understood?”

“Yes sir.  Absolutely,” she nodded her head.  Brendan sent her a quick smile before putting his glasses back on and focusing on the newspaper again.  “So…I guess this means I’m not fired?” she asked, just for reassurance.

That actually got a laugh out of Brendan.  “No, Aberdeen.  I could never fire an Etobicoke girl.”

***

October 2nd 2019

The season opener was just pure insanity.  There was no other way Aberdeen could rephrase it besides that – just pure insanity.  Brendan had meetings, she had to coordinate this, she had to run for coffees, she had to go get notes from someone, the phone was ringing off the hook…Lou even had to take her in the town car up to Yorkville, to Prada and to Gucci and to Hermes, so she could pick up ties for him to wear once all the media came rushing in.  It was a complete shit show.  She barely had time to eat, drink, or even think because she was so busy trying to get everything done.  

But something happened to her once she and Brendan made their way up to the media gondola to sit in the President’s private box with Kyle Dubas and Brandon Pridham: she watched the game.  From start to finish, she watched the Toronto Maple Leafs dominate the Ottawa Senators 5-3 to win the game.  She saw Auston Matthews score two goals – and William assist beautifully on one of them.  It was textbook perfect.  She saw the comradery of the boys on the bench.  She saw Brendan and Kyle seem excited.  

She remembered back to how excited the people of Newfoundland were at just a practice and an exhibition game.  She saw how excited the crowd was tonight at the way the team played and the outcome of the game.  

She began to get it.

She followed Brendan out of the gondola so they could head down to the locker room about five minutes before the game was going to end.  When the team began to come in, she wondered if she should clap – her questions were answered when she saw the equipment personnel fist-bump the boys.  She held out her hand to show her support.  Brendan laughed.

“Wooooo!  Let’s go baby!” Auston screamed as he looked directly at her, fist-bumping her with his enormously large hockey glove.  In that moment, she was sure one of them was going to knock her over one day.

“Good job boys!” she yelled out as they trickled in.  John was next, giving her a fist-bump and a quick nod.  

Morgan saw her and screamed at her.  “Wooooo!”

“Wooooo!” she mimicked, smiling from ear to ear as she fist-bumped him.  She held her hand out for Andreas, for Kasperi, and for Sandin.  William filtered through, and when she caught his eye, a large smile appeared on his face.  “Good job boys!” she yelled out again as they fist-pumped.

As they boys filtered into the locker room and began to take off their gear, Brendan walked in, motioning for Aberdeen to follow him.  She stood behind him and Kyle Dubas as they watched Mike Babcock make his post-game speech and present the team with one of the Raptors’ game used balls from their championship run.  One player would get it after every game won.  Auston got it tonight for scoring two goals, and he did a few tricks.  

Aberdeen helped usher Mike into a separate room so he could do post-game media before they went into the locker room.  She watched as a horde of reporters stuck microphones into his face and asked him questions about the game.  When Brendan called her back into the locker room, he told her he was free to go.  

She looked up at one of the TV monitors that was broadcasting Mike’s interview from the other room live, wanting to hear what good things he had to say before she left.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw William approach her, the bottom half of his gear still on, chucking something into the garbage.  He stood beside her, looking up at the monitor too to listen in.

“Can you speak to Matthews’s goals tonight?  The assist from Nylander must have looked good on your end,” one of the reporters asked.

“Yeah, the goals were good.  Looked really good.  The assist looked better than the one’s from last season, that’s for sure – he’s clearly been practicing,” Mike began.

Aberdeen didn’t hear anything else he had to say as she furrowed her brows.  She knew that she didn’t know anything about hockey, but she thought the team played fantastic tonight.  They won, for heaven’s sake.  If she was a casual viewer and thought they played well, and that William’s assist on Auston’s goal looked incredible, that had to speak for something, right?  A person who wasn’t even a fan being impressed?  She didn’t know.  But when she looked over at William, she saw a defeated look on his face.  He clearly took the comments to heart, and it killed her to see his excitement die down over a stupid comment.

“Does he always give you backhanded compliments?” she asked quietly, looking at him.  

William noticed her looking, and gave her one of those tight-lipped smiles as he shrugged his shoulders.  “Don’t worry about it.  I’m used to it.”

Aberdeen didn’t like that answer.  

[whirlybirbs]

hey! i really love your fics and was going through your poe tag, and i apologise since ik this was months ago but i just now saw it, and i just wanted to ask why you would write poe w the spice runner backstory? im sure you probably know that the backstory perpetuates racist stereotypes about latinos, and on top of that, it’s a retcon/wasn’t even his canon backstory before tros. ik you probably meant no harm but i just want to know why you would perpetuate that harmful stereotype :/

no need to apologize!

i’m assuming the fic you’re referencing is this one in question. i’ve kept this piece up on my blog simply for the sake of transparency. this piece references poe’s added backstory and in doing so, does exactly what you’ve mentioned above. 

this fic was written the night i’d seen tros for the first time (dec. 20th, 2019) and before we’d all started to have discussions about the implications this characterization created. i should have been more aware of the harmful stereotypes this new addition to poe’s story created, but i was ignorant to it. plain and simple.

if you scroll back on my blog, just around this time in decemeber when the release was, you can also see some initial excitement around poe’s whack-a-doodle new character arc — that came from seeing that poe’s arc was now quite literally an exact mirror of the reader’s in my larger series pre-flight check that had been going on since well before even the last jedi. 

again, i’ve kept those posts up for transparency; opinions can and should change when you begin to listen and learn. that’s exactly what’s happened since the first few weeks of tros even being in theaters.

my memory might be a bit foggy since there are times when even i scroll through my own tags and forget what i’ve written, but that is the only piece i have written that references the current tros canon of poe having a smuggler background. feel free to correct me if there are others! 

if folks would feel more comfortable with this content being taken down, i won’t bat a lash. sometimes, it feels like deleting work like this can be seen as “sneaky”. again, i believe transparency is really important. 

the majority of my poe content, linked here, does not support the current canon, just as i don’t. i’ve tweeted about this topic plenty, and most folks know where i stand on this narrative that the tros writers attempted to push - and even how segura’s free fall tries to rationalize that this sudden, unwarranted plot device as totally not racist. 

i hope this answers your question and feel free to grill me some more if not! i’d be happy to chat about it!

[pinoyscientists]

Get to know Sheena Kristine Cases, data analyst and policy researcher

1) What do you do?

I crunch data, integrate knowledge, write stories using data and various information, package them, and then share them. I am a research generalist who has found some meaning in doing data management and analysis, MEAL (monitoring, evaluation, accountability, and learning) work, and knowledge management. I have been working in the development sector for six years now with a few more years spent on policy and academic research.

2) Where do you work?

I currently work at the U.N. Development Programme (UNDP) as a Data Analyst for Pintig Lab, a multi-stakeholder network of physicians, economists, and data scientists tasked with providing the government with data-driven systems and policy insights to help inform COVID-19 response and recovery strategy.

I also previously worked for Oxfam Pilipinas as a Knowledge Management Senior Officer and for Save the Children as a Monitoring, Evaluation, Accountability, and Learning Officer.

As my volunteer work, I write for Subselfie.com, an online magazine for the young generation of Filipinos. I write about faith, mental health, and some personal reflections about life in general.  I also serve at Victory Church where I tried teaching kids (our future leaders) Bible principles for a few years and also am trying my best to lead single professionals.

3) Tell us about the photos!

[Top left and right:] My grad photo and artworks. I also like to draw and paint. Back then when I had more time, I am able to finish more detailed artworks. Now, I resort to doing creative doodles. Doodles are also fun to make.

[Bottom:] Research Bootcamp at Bangkok, Thailand sponsored by Oxfam in Asia! It was an awesome week learning the Oxfam way of doing research. I have learned important pointers for writing for the public for influencing from this memorable trip, aside from the fact that I have been with beautiful and passionate people. Buddies during this trip were also fun to be with.

4) Tell us about your academic career path so far.

I studied in the U.P. Integrated School from Kinder to Grade 10. I initially took up B.S. Civil Engineering for a year before shifting to B.S. Economics in U.P. Diliman where I found more flexibility and breadth in learning (we had an option to take many electives). I graduated in 2011 with honors. I then worked for a few months doing policy work and then spent eight months working for a start-up company doing research on biofuels. I then decided to take up M.A. Demography in 2012 in the U.P. Population Institute. It was a long haul before I graduated because I decided to work to help my siblings and aging parents. Finally, in 2019 I finished my program with a Master’s thesis titled, “The Relationship Between Religiosity and Fertility: A Comparison of Five Major Religions”. I was one of the online graduates in July 2020.

I took up consultancy work when I was finishing my Master’s thesis. One memorable consultancy work was when I did data management for the K to 12 Program Transition Task Force of the Commission on Higher Education where we estimated the budget needed for the K to 12 transition. Another was when I did archival research for a PhD student in Harvard University where I got to examine letters from the First Republic of the Philippines.

The years that followed were all development research, monitoring, and evaluation on projects falling under the themes ranging from youth employment, women empowerment, and resilience.

Since the COVID-19 crisis hit the world, I have been pondering about doing a PhD. I think expecting too much from myself right now is not good for mental health. We have to go back to basics. So I just pray about it. Hopefully soon, I'll be able to fulfill that dream.

5) Anything else you’d like to share

I thank God for His grace and mercy. To God be all the glory. Take care and keep safe.

[irisadielsart]

As anyone can attest, 2020 has been a rough year. A punctuated rough year in a string of rough years. My experience has been no different, but as for my personal artistic growth, 2020 has actually been exceptionally good to me. I went from thinking that doing a picture a month was asking way too much, to doing basically a drawing everyday. It’s a bit funny, I’ve been on tumblr since 2012, and i’ve posted some art here and there, but this year is when people finally noticed. I’ve had a couple of people say to me “I didn’t know you did art.” I don’t know how I feel about that, but I’m happy that my art is finally getting notes at least.

January - This is when i’m still in my dark phase. Drawing hurts, but I’m still trying my best to put something, ANYTHING on paper. i’ve spent 2019 drawing lines and squares on paper to just get used to drawing again. I’m trying to do people again. I had an idea that i was going to do a drawing a month for birth month flowers. January was carnation, and i had a sketch for February, but it never made it to completion. I’m still using traditional markers, pen and pencil.

February - This is where I found out that using a reference for art made things %100 percent easier. This is my very old OC Zora, made when i was in middle school. Using references cut out a lot of the initiation process i had when starting a drawing, all I had to do was trace, i didn’t have to think at all and the product was still good. Honestly pretty revelatory.

March - this is when i bought some really neat artists models that i could pose in any number of ways. They have proved their worth over and over again. Still doing traditional, but i did enhance this picture on the computer. 

April - My markers were running really dry and I couldn’t afford to buy a new set, so I dragged out my laptop and drawing tablet to see if i could start drawing digitally. I was never really good at drawing digitally, though I got a little better in my animation classes. Colors aren’t true on the monitor and doing lineart feels odd and hollow. i can’t put it into words. but I downloaded Krita because i also couldn’t afford Photoshop. so on top of learning digital art again, i was learning a whole new program. So this picture was a culmination of a lot of things, and a really good first step for the rest of the year.    

May - Here, this is when quarantine was in full swing, but drawing is no longer painful and i’m actually looking forward to it. Still learning digital again, so I decided to go with my tried and true love of fashion and clothes because that’s what i know best. Backgrounds suck

June - This month i was doing a lot of sketches and little doodle drawings. i decided that i wanted to try something more realistic, just to see how it would turn out. i think it is a bit of a mixed success.

July- July was busy, so i didn’t do a whole lot. This drawing was based off the designs of another artist that i loved a lot. I’m really big into character design, and I go crazy over a really good design.

August - My busiest month! I did so much in August! i wanted to take a break from all the Zelda art I was doing and decided to try doing an Alucard. Yoshitaka Amano is a big inspiration for me, and the way they do Alucard absolutely melts me. Someday i’ll draw Alucard as pretty as Amano does. 

September - I dragged another OC out of the grave and thought to myself “How can i improve on my art?”. It’s amazing that in January i didn’t know if i would still be drawing, but here I am trying to not only draw as much as i can, but also trying to improve. I loved the way this picture came out, but the process that i used to color it took 3 days! I don’t have that kind of time to spend on my art, but maybe someday i’ll do that technique again.

October - This month was a bit of a low point for me. I was getting depressed again and was struggling to draw. I didn’t do a whole lot. But i didn’t want to go back to the way things were at the start of the year, so i just took a break for myself and reminded myself that low points were going to happen, but it didn’t mean that my progress was erased. i went back to trying a more realistic approach because with LOTR characters, i can use actual human models which is great for getting the subtleties of shading.

November - Busy month that i didn’t have a lot of time to draw for. but i did a series that I am very fond of, the picture shown being my favorite of the series.

December - the end of the year! and i’m still drawing. I’m drawing so much! December isn’t over yet, and I’ll have more drawings to show later, but i can’t show them here yet because a lot of them are presents. so, this picture is the one that everyone liked the best, or at least it got the most notes. instead of using my usual ultra saturated color, i went with greys and sad colors. but people liked it a lot, and i don’t know how to feel about that. 

[artificialqueens]

A Chip on My Shoulder (Crystal x Gigi) - Frankenvenus

Summary: After deciding that a childcare career just wasn’t for her, Crystal auditions for a theatre company who are putting on a production of Legally Blonde, and ends up falling for their lead, who happens to turn her nose up at everyone who shows any interest in her - however, she might have a soft spot for the new girl.

…

Crystal had been waiting all summer to find out whether or not she had been accepted into L.A’s prestigious theatre programme ‘Rupaul’s Academy of Performing Arts.’ Her audition had been in late May of 2019, and it had gone seemingly well. She sang the first minute of ‘A Boy Like That’ from West Side Story, as suggested by her mother, though she actually wanted to sing a song from Anastasia. Her mother had told her that Anastasia was far too babyish, and it would only be appropriate if she was auditioning for a role as a princess at Disneyland. She did what her mom said, and successfully hit each note in the audition room. The theatre director watching her seemed pleased. She was optimistic that she would land a place in the company.

She had been studying a college degree in childcare after leaving high school, but she quickly realised that she fucking hated it, she fucking hated little kids, and she really wanted to pursue musical theatre. Her family was overjoyed, to say the least. Her dad had had this ridiculous fantasy that they would become a family band and Crystal would be the next Selena Quintanilla, so he was very supportive of his daughter’s change in aspiration.

The letter arrived on the 1st of September, and Crystal’s mom snatched it out of her daughter’s hands before she could open it. The woman was insistent in finding out first.

She dragged her sharp nails across the top of the envelope, opening it in the most inefficient way possible. She had a large smile across her face, simply knowing that her daughter was going to be accepted.

“Mom could I-” Crystal tried to take the letter into her own hands but her mom slapped her fingers away.

“Basta ya, I can do it myself,” she sighed, yanking the letter from the envelope and unfolding it, “Dear Crystal Elizabeth,” she sang, her voice filled with hope, “We regret to inform you that you have been unsuccessful in the selection of this year’s cast…” her mom quickly slammed the letter against the table and left the room leaving Crystal alone to finish reading it through watery eyes.

“We were overwhelmed with this year’s talent and wholeheartedly suggest you try again next year. We urge you not to give up on your theatrical dream as there are always other opportunities- this is the letter they send to everyone who failed, why am I reading this?” she sniffled, pushing it down on the table as her mom walked back in.

“It’s that blue hair of yours, Crystal, I know it. Maybe if you had kept it brown then they would’ve accepted you.”

“Si mamá,” she sighed, wiping her eyes and picking up her phone which was face-down on the table in front.

In that next moment, she thanked the gods and Mark Zuckerberg for listening in to her conversations, because an advert notification popped up on her screen when she opened Instagram.

Stephanie’s Child School of Theatrical Arts - Walk-in auditions September 8th - Anyone is welcome - Headshots NOT obligatory - Bring your own sheet music!

Crystal kissed her phone and rushed to her laptop, printing out the sheet music to ‘Journey to the Past’ from Anastasia as discreetly as she could. This other theatre school was no Rupaul’s academy, evidently (their advert used comic sans in the title) but she still felt like it was a sign.

After many nights of rehearsing, practice and being told to shut the fuck up by her little brother, audition day finally came.

She was given a sticker with her name on it upon entry, as well as a number. The school’s studio, where the audition was taking place, seemed quite old and in need of a makeover, but it was homely nonetheless. There were only about ten other people auditioning, unlike Rupaul’s school with over a hundred auditionees. Crystal wondered how many people attending were Rupaul rejects, and it made her uneasy.

After warming up alone by blowing bubbles into her water with a straw for ten minutes, a gleeful looking girl bounced in with lilac-coloured hair.

Thank God - this meant Crystal’s blue hair wouldn’t be an issue when being accepted.

“Hey, people! My name is Jan and I am the theatre director here. So we are going to start with number twelve for singing and then work our way down, and then you’re going to learn some choreo for a dance call!” she beamed, gripping her clipboard aggressively.

A dance call? Have mercy.

Crystal was number eight, which meant that it wouldn’t be long before she was called in to sing. She bounced her leg tensely, watching one girl begin to stretch in the corner of the room. Her name tag read ‘Jaida,’ and she had come in a leotard and jazz shoes - more prepared than Crystal.

After a minute of staring, Jaida caught her, before smiling and approaching her.

“Hey, girl! You threatened?” the girl asked sternly, causing Crystal’s heart to drop. Oh no, she had already made a bad impression.

“I- no… sorry I-” she was cut off with a laugh from the tall brunette in front of her.

“I’m just fuckin’ with you. Hi, I’m Jaida. And you are…” her eyes trailed to the shorter girl’s name tag, “Crystal. Cute. What are you singing?”

“Journey to the Past from Anastasia,” Crystal spoke nervously, fumbling with the pages of her sheet music.

“Awe, bless you,” Jaida chuckled, placing a hand over her heart, “I’m singing Aquarius from Hair. Also don’t look so nervous, sweetie. My friends Heidi and Jackie go here, and they say it’s super chill. Plus - you look talented.”

Crystal blushed, “Thank you. So do you!”

Jan walked back into the room with her clipboard in hand, “Can number ten follow me please?”

Jaida’s breath hitched as she shuffled across the room to grab her sheet music. She quickly winked at Crystal before disappearing into the other room. The blue-haired girl could hear the large rumble of the grand piano, but was disappointed that she couldn’t hear Jaida’s voice. The girl seemed enticing.

It wasn’t long before Crystal was being called through. She smiled shyly while she placed her music down in front of the pianist, who was a cheerful-looking girl with heavy makeup on and large glasses. Her name tag read ‘Rock,’ and Crystal whispered a small thank you to her before taking her spot in front of Jan and another woman, who was taking notes.

“Hello, my name is Crystal Elizabeth and I will be singing ‘Journey to the Past’ from Anastasia,” she began, suddenly regaining her confidence as the soft piano began. She was Crystal Elizabeth, high school salutatorian and a killer mezzo-soprano. She belted the song with a passion she had never felt before, and she left everyone else in the room blown away after the final note.

“That’s some voice you have there, Miss Elizabeth,” Jan smiled, clapping softly, “You are very talented.”

“Thank you so much.”

Much to Crystal’s surprise, the dance call went well. She managed to pick up Jan’s choreography easily, and Jaida assisted her with the few moves she couldn’t quite get.

She left the audition that night with the biggest smile she had sported in a while.

…

Unlike Rupaul’s Academy of Performing Arts, the letter from Stephanie’s Child came quickly. It arrived in the mail less than a month after Crystal’s audition. Her mom wasn’t so eager to be first to open it after last time, so Crystal took the duty of prying open the envelope.

“Crystal Elizabeth, We at Stephanie’s Child School of Theatrical Arts are delighted to inform you that you will be joining this year’s cast and programme. We loved your audition and we would love to hear even more from you, so we can’t wait to see you in rehearsals for our winter production of Legally Blonde starting this Wednesday, and we’d love to see you audition for a role!” Crystal read it out shakily, fireworks exploding in her chest.

First of all, she got in! She was so thankful and even more thrilled that she was finally able to make her mom proud. Second of all, they were doing Legally Blonde which was beyond iconic.

…

It was the first day of rehearsals, and Crystal was almost more nervous than she was for her initial audition. She caked her face in makeup and put her hair into two low pigtails, hoping to impress her fellow castmates.

She was told by the receptionist to sign her name in at the door, so she doodled ‘Crystal Elizabeth’ with a heart on the ‘i’ before smiling at the sight of the name ‘Jaida Hall’ above her own. It was great that she had a familiar face going in.

When she entered the studio, she felt all eyes on her. It was a large dance studio with mirrors on two sides of the room, a grand piano in one corner, and tap dancing mats stacked up in another.

There were about four prominent friend groups across the room, but Crystal drifted over to Jaida, where she stood with a short girl with black hair and a large gap tooth and a taller girl with a hijab and high dancing heels on.

“Crystal! You got in!” Jaida squealed, pulling the blue-haired girl into an unexpected hug.

“Yeah, I’m really surprised. Everyone here looks so professional!” Crystal giggled, her voice cracking slightly under the pressure.

“Trust and believe - we are far from professional,” the girl with the gap snorted, “I’m Heidi! It’s great to meet you.”

“And I’m Jackie,” the girl with the hijab greeted, “Jaida was telling us how good your singing audition was.”

Crystal’s eyes widened as she looked to the brunette, “You could hear me?”

“I may or may not have stood by the door. You have pipes, girl.”

“So you have a high belt, hm?” Heidi asked with a glint in her eye.

“Yeah, I guess so…”

“Well, you’re gonna have to compete with Gigi for the part of Elle then…” Jackie smirked, pointing across the room.

Crystal averted her gaze to where the girl pointed, and suddenly she felt abruptly light-headed.

There stood a remarkably tall redhead with perfectly curled hair tossed over one shoulder, warming up into a belt box that she held to her mouth, as many surrounding girls watched, mesmerized.

“I just know she’s that girl,” Jaida rolled her eyes, “Let me guess - she auditioned with ’Don’t Rain on My Parade.’”

Heidi nearly spat out the water she was drinking, knowing that Jaida had hit the nail on the head.

“She has a three-octave belting range. She’s scary,” Jackie exhaled, patting Heidi’s back gently to stop her from choking.

“She’s hot,” Crystal thought, still watching the girl warm up. Gigi. That was like a model’s name. She wondered what it was short for. Georgia, Regina, Imogen, Virginia, Genevieve, Gianna - It could be anything.

“You’re right, she is hot alright,” Heidi said, causing Crystal’s stomach to plummet because she said that out loud, “But she barely lets anyone touch her. She’s nice and all but - we barely know anything about her - other than her insane range. Her mom is a vocal coach.”

The blue-haired girl frowned. Even though she was still yet to talk to this girl, she wanted to know more about her. She wanted to know everything - because she was a creep. Why did she think she would be different and would somehow succeed in weaving her way into Gigi’s personal life?

“More than half of the people in this room have asked her on a date,” Heidi continued, “But she turned them all down because - and I quote - She’s sorry, she’s too busy, she can get their number in case she changes her mind - but she never does. She could be from another country and we wouldn’t know.”

“She seems pretty bold for a theatre kid,” Jaida snickered, but she was interrupted when Jan began clapping, ushering everyone to the centre of the room.

Crystal followed her new group of friends to a circle of chairs that had been placed in the centre of the room. She was sure she recalled auditioning for a musical theatre school - not a group therapy session.

She took a seat between Jackie and Jaida, and Gigi sat across from them, conversing to a friend who Crystal recognised to be Rock - the pianist from her audition.

“Hey everyone! I’m so excited to welcome all these new faces to our company! There are about five new people in the room, so one by one I want you all to stand up and tell everyone your name, your favourite role you’ve ever played and your dream role,” Jan explained gleefully. There was something about the lilac-haired woman that brightened up the room a little bit.

Jaida was first to stand up, puffing her chest out like the proud woman she was. Crystal just knew she was a professional and she’d be in her element at this academy.

“My name is Jaida, the best role I have played was Deloris is my senior year’s production of Sister Act and my dream role is Bonnie Parker from Bonnie and Clyde.”

Everyone had small discussions about how they would kill to play Deloris or how Bonnie was the hottest role on Broadway, but then it was the next newbie’s turn.

“My name is Widow - the best role I played was Donna in my community theatre’s production of Mamma Mia, but my dream role is Regina George and I live by that.”

Many girls in the circle whooped and cheered for her, and Crystal already felt like she was part of such a tight-knit family. She wallowed in her happiness until she realised that it was her turn to speak. She stood from her chair with shaky legs, and Gigi watched her with a curious glance that she couldn’t quite read. She bit her lip, placed her hands behind her back, rocked back and forth on her feet, and spoke.

“Um, my name is Crystal and my favourite role that I played was Heather McNamara in Heathers and I think my dream role is Eva Peron in Evita or maybe Nina from In The Heights? I don’t know… I don’t have the best theatre knowledge. I don’t have a BFA or anything I-”

Jan chuckled slightly, smiling at Crystal, “I promise that you know more shows than some people I know. My mom only knows Grease, no matter how many show tunes I play her in the car.”

Crystal reacted with a soft giggle, a blush covering her face when she noticed Gigi resting her chin on her fist, staring up at her with a fascinated look. The blue-haired girl wanted to stare back, but that meant eye contact, and she wasn’t prepared for that. She sat herself back down as the next girl stood up.

“Bonjour, my name is Nicky,” her accent was heavy, and no one had to ask to know she was from France, but she brought it up anyway, “I moved here from Paris a couple of months ago, my favourite role I’ve played was Velma in Chicago, and my dream role is Velma in Chicago, except this time, on Broadway.”

Crystal heard Jaida say ‘I feel you girl’ and smiled at the thought of Nicky and Jaida being Roxie and Velma. It would be iconic.

The final girl stood up - she was tall and lanky but had the coolest hair Crystal had ever seen. She had pink dreadlocks, half wrapped in a bun at the top of her head.

“I’m Yvie. My favourite role I played was Elphaba in my community theatre’s production of Wicked but my dream role is probably Persephone from Hadestown.”

Crystal wanted to sink into her seat. Where she had grown up, in Missouri, she had been a big fish in a small pond. The girls at her high school just wanted to sing Britney Spears, and didn’t care for theatre - but Crystal had taught herself to belt. There weren’t any belters where she was from, but now, in New York, it seemed that that was all there was.

She had zoned out from the group’s conversation for a while, lost in her own many insecure thoughts. Now she was just a small speck of dust in a city full of dreamers. Everyone was fighting for a role on broadway. What made her different?

She was so focused on her own insecurities that she hardly noticed a hand being held in front of her. It was pale and delicate - so it wasn’t Jaida. Her brown-eyed gaze moved upwards, stifling a gasp when she saw Gigi in front of her.

“Hello?” was all she could muster out. She felt humiliated afterwards. Jan had definitely set a task that she hadn’t listened to, “Sorry I- I kinda wasn’t focused when Jan was explaining whatever we were doing could you, uhm, fill me in?”

Gigi smiled a toothy smile, and Crystal was so thankful she got to see her this close, even though the scenario was embarrassing. Her nose was slender as it went down but kissable at the bottom. Her eyes were large and blue and overwhelmingly bright, guarded by thin-framed circular glasses. Her features were quite androgynous, with a sharp jawline and defined cheekbones, and Crystal’s brain was short-circuiting.

“Yeah, I figured you zoned out,” she smirked, “Basically Jan paired all of the new girls with old members, and we have to give you a tour of the building and I got paired with you! I’m Gigi.”

Crystal thanked the Gods for the blessing that was this girl, “Lucky me!” she blurted, and quickly Gigi’s fair skin turned rosy.

From Jackie and Heidi’s description, the blue-haired girl had been quick to assume that Gigi carried a coldness to her. This wasn’t the case, as the redhead hadn’t stopped grinning since Crystal introduced herself.

“So, you seemed to like my dream roles,” Crystal chuckled, making conversation whilst Gigi showed her around the ground floor juice bar, “What are your dream roles? And what roles have you played? Where are you even from?”

“Lots of questions,” Gigi joked, buying two beetroot juices for her and Crystal, “I’m from L.A, but don’t tell anyone. New Yorkers hate us L.A folks. I’ve lived here for a year now, and it’s cool. My dream role is probably Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors or like… Penny from Hairspray. I’ve been in so many shows like Cabaret, The Last Five Years, Pippin, but the best role I played was Heather Chandler in Heathers.”

In the next moment, Crystal wished that she wasn’t such a deep thinker. Often she would think out loud by mistake, and this was one of those times.

“That’s hot,” she gushed, without a single formed thought

“So I’ve heard,” Gigi held back laughter, and Crystal wanted to succumb, “Unfortunately, I don’t remember the part when Chandler and McNamara get together.”

The blue-haired girl made a swift attempt to steer the conversation in a different direction, so she said the first thing that came to mind, “You don’t seem bitchy enough to play Chandler.”

Fuck. That wasn’t a good way to steer the conversation either.

“Well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me…” Gigi deadpanned.

Crystal sighed and looked down at her juice, “At least tell me what Gigi is short for.”

The redhead rolled her eyes before casually leaning in and whispering in the shorter girl’s ear, her cool breath hitting the side of her face.

“Giselle.”

…

Audition day for their parts in the show came quicker than Crystal had hoped. She was fully prepared the day she was given the materials, but her self-doubt caused her to be extremely nervous.

Crystal didn’t know what was worse; the fact that they had to watch everyone else’s auditions or the fact that practically everyone was auditioning for Elle.

Luckily for her, Jaida volunteered to go first. The blue-haired girl was terrified of being selected from the group. No one had heard her voice yet, other than Jaida.

Jaida fucking nailed ‘So Much Better’ as if the song was written for her. The girl carried herself like a Tony winner, and Crystal wouldn’t be surprised if that was the road she took. Her acting was dramatic and eccentric, evidently theatrically trained rather than for film. Her audition ended with applause, and it was Jackie’s turn next.

Jackie was one of the few people not auditioning for the lead and was instead auditioning for Paulette, the hairdresser. Over the few weeks she had been there, Crystal acknowledged that Jackie was the mom of the group - the glue that held the theatre divas together. The girl embodied the role of Paulette perfectly.

Crystal then realised that Jan was staring right at her, and as soon as Jackie finished her final note, the director called her up to sing next. The tanned girl nodded, fiddling with her script just to scan over one more line before placing it down.

“Can I quickly grab some water?” she asked, partly because her throat was dry but mostly because she was stalling. Jan nodded with a sigh, and Crystal rushed out of the room. What she didn’t expect was for Gigi to follow her.

As she was filling up the small paper cup with room temperature water, she felt a hand on her back. She turned around, careful not to spill her drink, and saw the redhead standing there with a look of concern.

“You don’t need to stall,” Gigi assured, her hand not moving from it’s position just below Crystal’s shoulder, “You’re here for a reason. They wouldn’t let you in if you sang like shit.”

The shorter girl scoffed, “I have my good days and I have my bad days. Today is not a good day.”

She found her breathing getting worryingly rapid, like she was verging on a panic attack. It was eased when Gigi placed her free hand on the other side of her back and held her there, going through some quick breathing exercises. The redhead told her to inhale and exhale before dragging her back into the audition room.

“I am Crystal Elizabeth and I’ll be auditioning for Elle Woods,” she glanced over at Gigi and saw the girl give her a discreet thumbs-up. The entire endeavour from the last few minutes just hit her. Gigi had spoken to her, touched her, and calmed her down, despite keeping her distance from her after that first day. The validation from Gigi bloomed butterflies of dignity in her chest, and she nailed her audition, personifying the strong, ambitious lady that was Elle Woods.

The fact that she hit each note perfectly boosted her hope that she could land this role, but what increased her faith the most was the smile Gigi sported the entire time.

Gigi’s audition swept Crystal off her feet, even though she was sitting down. Her voice was like silk, her vibrato was perfect and she hit and held the final high note like it was the simplest thing she’d ever done. Crystal was in the right mind to give the girl a standing ovation, but she didn’t want to discourage those yet to audition. Instead, she let out a gentle squeal when Gigi returned to her seat.

“That was insane,” Crystal mouthed to the girl, who was sitting two metres away, with Widow and Nicky keeping them separated.

The redhead mouthed something back, but Crystal couldn’t identify what it was. It was either ‘Thank you, honey’which was cute, or ‘Thank you, baby’ which would’ve literally killed Crystal.

…

If she was being honest, Crystal didn’t want to look at the cast list. Although she would always be delighted to be in the cast at all, if she landed the infamous role of shop assistant number two, she would see her theatre career to be over.

The list was going to be sent out at six in the evening through email, and Crystal found herself not leaving her apartment the entire day, trying to busy herself by vacuuming every room, dusting every shelf, watching everything on her Letterboxd watchlist and finishing an entire bottle of rose lemonade (after debating whether or not she should have a bottle of wine instead, but she didn’t want to be too drunk to read the list.)

She was in the middle of watching The Craft when her phone pinged from the coffee table. She groaned as she reached over, trying to grab the device without moving the rest of her body. It took an extensive stretch of her arm, but she succeeded.

Her efforts were almost futile when she nearly dropped her phone after seeing what the notification read.

Unknown hey girl, it’s gigi from theatre. i hope this is ur number crystal but idk??? anyways i’m super nervous right now..

Where the fuck did Gigi get her number from and why was Miss Aloof making small talk with her? She promptly saved Gigi’s contact into her phone before trying to conjure up a reply that didn’t make her sound too needy or too disinterested.

Crystal it’s me alright ;) i’m nervous too. u for sure got the part though. if not… it’s rigged.

Crystal also how’d u get my number???

Gigi i asked nicky, and then nicky asked jaida, and then jaida gave it to me

Crystal was flattered that she went to such an effort, though she still couldn’t understand why.

Gigi ohmygod it’s 5:50. ten minutes

Gigi they r gonna typecast me as nikos cuz i’m gay AND european

Hold on. Wait a second. Did Giselle Goode just come out to her casually through a Legally Blonde song reference? Crystal felt like hurling her phone across the room. Now her little crush was made more unbearable, knowing that Gigi did like girls - just not her. The last thing she wanted to do was address Gigi’s comment.

Crystal u r european?? also u are elle woods. period

Gigi part scottish! also no u are elle woods no further questions.

Crystal came to realise that Gigi seemed much more confident and comfortable texting than she was in real life. She was more talkative behind a screen.

Crystal it’s legally blonde. not legally blue-haired Mexican

Gigi it’s not legally ginger either bitch . like no one at the studio is blonde

Gigi SJCDSCBHCASKJ WAAAITTTT THEY POSTED IT!t&%^%%*

Crystal’s stomach plummeted like the fucking Tower of Terror. It wasn’t even six yet! It was two minutes to six! Her thumb nearly got a friction burn as she swiped open the mail app. The top email was from Jan, and it had an image attached. With a trembling finger, Crystal opened it.

CAST LIST FEMALE PARTS Elle Woods - Giselle Goode Pilar, Margot, Serena - Jaqueline Cox, Heidi Anthonie, Nicolette Doll Paulette Buonofuonte - Widow Von Du Brooke Wyndham - Jaida Hall Chutney Wyndham - Yvangeline Oddly Vivienne Kensington - Crystal Elizabeth

Crystal didn’t need to read any more after spotting her name. Her grin was wide and her heart was full because she got to play the mean one. The girl had consistently been placed in the cute, funny best-friend typecast, and over time it had become tedious and repetitive. It was going to be great to expand her acting skills, despite not having a mean bone in her body. She opened the messenger app back up and started to text Gigi once again.

Crystal called it!! nothing but respect for MY elle woods

Gigi i am in disbelief, but congrats girl!!! u get to bully me on stage for like 2 hours

Crystal idk girl. i’m kinda mad i didn’t get shop assistant #2

Gigi not this…

…

The read-through came and went successfully, as well as three months of hardcore rehearsals and trying to go off-book, and then suddenly it was tech week (also known as a theatre kid’s best nightmare.)

They were performing the show at the Laura Pels Theatre in New York, and the Monday of tech week was the first day they had a run-through on the stage. The rush that Crystal experienced when she first saw the rows and rows of seats that would be filled the next week was overwhelming. Almost every performance in the eight-show run was sold out.

Whilst the tech crew fiddled with the sound deck, Jan allowed the girls to roam around backstage and organise all their props and costumes, but Crystal wasn’t one for organising. She took a seat in the middle of the stalls, simply staring at the large stage in front of her and picturing herself belting her heart out in the centre, in front of a huge audience of people.

Her fantasy was startled when a sharp ‘boo’ was whispered in her ear. She turned around and saw that Gigi had sat in the seat behind her with a large grin on her face. Over the many months of rehearsing, Gigi and Crystal had become best friends, baffling everyone else at the studio. Crystal knew everything about Gigi there was to know now, and she had seen all sides of the redhead’s goofy personality that she would mask around others.

“You scared me,” Crystal cackled, flashing a toothy smile at her best friend.

“You scared me. You were just staring off into the distance like you were possessed or something.” Gigi reached up to fiddle with Crystal’s curls, which had now been dyed back to their natural colour - dark brown - for the purpose of the show, “I organised your dressing room for you since you didn’t seem to want to do it yourself.”

The brunette sighed, melting into Gigi’s touch, “I’m overwhelmed!”

“Okay and? I’m the lead.”

“Fuck off.”

“Watch this…” Gigi pulled her phone out from her jean pocket and opened her camera roll, showing Crystal a video she had sneakily filmed of the latter in the wings whilst Nicky, Jackie, Heidi and the ensemble rehearsed the opening number, ‘Omigod You Guys.’ The video featured Crystal on the other side of the wings, watching the girls singing and lip-syncing along, thinking no one was watching. She was dancing like an awkward mom whilst Heidi sang her part.

“Giselle Jasmine Goode delete that off your phone now.”

“Absolutely not.”

Crystal half-heartedly wrestled her for a bit, trying to grab her friend’s phone, but Gigi switched it off so she couldn’t unlock it.

“I hate you,” she groaned, sinking back into the soft auditorium seat.

Gigi slipped her phone back into her pocket and stared at Crystal with a look that flipped the mood between the two. Her eyes were sultry-looking and her lips curled up slyly, “You don’t hate me at all.”

It took everything in Crystal not to stare down at the girl’s glossy pink lips, but that didn’t stop her from imagining how they would taste.

It was frustrating sometimes, the way Gigi knew most people at the studio found her attractive. It gave her a sense of cockiness that she would utilize by teasing Crystal - making the innocent brunette believe she had a chance. Crystal knew she didn’t, though. Crystal was sure Gigi had her eyes set on Nicky. They were more similar, evidently. She had to accept that Gigi was always going to be her friend, and nothing more.

…

A week later, after many late nights and many mic-checks, opening night arrived. From her dressing room, Crystal could hear crowds of people filling up the auditorium whilst she straightened her wild curls with a flat iron. Her hands were shaky as she unbuttoned the top two buttons of her striped shirt. Her costume was bland, consisting of a black skirt, a black and white striped button-up and plain black stilettos - the token ‘law student look.’

Across the room, Gigi was staring into the mirror and warming up whilst Jaida tried to fix her blonde lace-front wig for her. Gigi’s costume was fashionable and early 2000s style: a cropped denim jacket over a pink Chanel patterned dress. Her heels were high and her makeup was bright, and everything was so very pink.

Jaida, Crystal and Gigi all shared a dressing room, and it sat practically under the stage, so they had to keep quiet. Jaida’s character didn’t appear until the second act, so after helping the others get ready, she sat in the corner and steamed her voice with Gigi’s very overpriced vocal steamer.

As Crystal was applying nude lip liner to her lips, her phone pinged, and a text from her mom appeared on the screen.

Mom The family has arrived, Mija! We are all in the front row and we are so excited for you!!!

The brunette smiled to herself, trying to send a reply back without getting pounds of stage-makeup on her phone screen.

Crystal thank u for the support mama, but remember, don’t clap or cheer unless it’s at the end of the song or during the bows, and no singing! theatre etiquette!!!

Mom Lo sé. Tell Gigi good luck from me.

The text was followed by many nonsensical emojis, but Crystal was smiling too hard to care.

“Chile, what are you staring at?” Jaida smirked at her through the mirror, “You’re talking to a girl?”

Out of the corner of her eye, Crystal saw Gigi’s expression falter. The girl now had her eyes squinted at the brunette, hoping she wouldn’t notice.

“Ew gross. It’s my mom!” Crystal snorted, placing her phone down on the table and making a dramatically disgusted look on her face.

Jaida strutted over to Crystal and grinned at her, “You’re way too happy all the time to be single.”

“Girl, what does that even mean? I’m just positive!”

“Mhm…”

The brunette averted her gaze back to her lip liner when she caught a glare from Gigi in the mirror.

“Whatsup?” Crystal mouthed.

“Nerves,” Gigi mouthed back.

“You’ll kill it.”

Ten minutes later, however, the roles were reversed. They were ten minutes to curtain, and Crystal was physically shaking on her dressing room stool. Jaida had gone to the bathroom, so Gigi took it upon herself to comfort her friend.

“I’m so fucking scared, G. You know, on the opening night of West Side Story, when I was Anita, my voice cracked during ’America,’ and it was the worst feeling ever. Opening nights are always cursed for me. I’m probably gonna fall over or something,” she started crying, and Gigi was quick to grab tissues, not wanting her to spoil the stage-makeup she had spent so long on. She dabbed the soft tissues below Crystal’s waterline where tears threatened to spill over and escape her glassy eyes.

“Hey, I’m not good at like… the whole comforting thing but, I know that you’re gonna fucking kill it. For the entire first act you get to be a hardcore bitch, and then at the end, you get to sing your big note and sweep everyone away! You’re so fucking fierce and beautiful and you literally ooze talent out like it’s fucking sweat I- I’m rambling,” the words spilt out of Gigi like a broken soap dispenser, but Crystal had never felt so much compassion for her as she did at that moment.

From being seemingly emotionless to rambling on about the respect she had for her best friend; Gigi had experienced incredible growth as a person since befriending Crystal.

“And before you doubt yourself for another second, just know that I fucking love you,” the taller girl added, and oh.

Crystal blinked a couple of times, trying to ease the new swarm of Gigi-caused butterflies that had since joined the stage-fright butterflies. She swallowed the growing lump in her throat, and looked in her friend’s eyes, begging for her to continue speaking before Crystal blurted I love you too.

And Crystal was sure glad that she didn’t get the chance to say the three words in return, because Gigi added something else, “You are the best best-friend I’ve ever had.”

Friends.

…

Despite the minor soft blow to the chest, Gigi’s pep-talk must have been working so far, because the rush Crystal gained from waiting in the wings, watching the audience, was another one of the greatest feelings she had ever felt. The brunette gazed as Gigi, Nicky, Heidi, Jackie and the ensemble all nailed ‘What You Want,’ and then it was time for her first scene.

She entered on stage alongside her castmate Finneas, the guy playing Warner, and they stood in line waiting for Drew, the guy playing Emmet, to receive their syllabi. Gigi, Finneas and Drew had a few lines of dialogue before Crystal delivered her first line.

“All that pink you’re wearing. Is that even legal?” her character questioned in the bitchiest way possible, eliciting a few chuckles from the packed audience.

“Pink is my signature colour,” Gigi gleamed.

“So I gathered.”

The scene went on smoothly, their Professor Callahan sang his song, and quickly it was Gigi and Crystal’s little bit of feminist dialogue. Gigi had it lucky - she got to smile whilst talking to Crystal - but the brunette had to act like she hated the girl, which was tougher than anticipated.

“Excuse me, but why would you do that to another girl?” Gigi’s character asked.

“Do what?”

“We girls have to stick together. We shouldn’t try to look good by making each other look bad.”

“I didn’t make you look bad, you just weren’t prepared. Try opening a law book. But I should warn you,” she smirked and sauntered towards Gigi, “They don’t come with pictures.”

At the end of Act one, Crystal watched Gigi sing ‘So Much Better,’ trying not to let tears run down her cheeks at how proud she was.

“I’ll even dress in black and white! See, I have not begun to fight. And you’ll go whoah, much better, hello, much better, and soon all y’all gonna know much better…” the redhead (or blonde, if you counted the wig) sang like it was her final performance, even if it was the first of eight shows. She earned a standing ovation for her final note as the curtains closed on the first act, and the first thing she did was run over to Crystal, trip over, and fall into her arms.

“That was fucking insane!” the brunette congratulated, gently placing a kiss on her best friend’s head. She wondered if she could feel it, considering the blonde wig was quite large.

“Can you believe we are fucking here?” Gigi gaped as a group of girls gathered around her. Jaida smirked and Jackie formed an ‘o’ shape with her mouth. The redhead quickly noticed what she said and re-worded it, “I mean we aren’t fucking here but, we fucking are here.”

Crystal laughed and pulled her in closer, but the word friend from earlier built a distance.

Act two went just as well as the first act, and Crystal spotted her mom and little brother in the front row, looking prouder than they had ever looked, and she almost felt complete.

She was shaky when she walked onto the hairdresser set for her big song. Widow and Gigi had some dialogue first, before the latter gave Crystal her cue:

“All this time I thought I was proving myself and making a difference… but it turns out I’m just one big blonde joke. That’s all anyone’s ever gonna see,” Gigi’s character sighed, and suddenly Crystal (or Vivienne) revealed herself from under the hairdryer, causing everyone on stage, as well as most of the audience, to gasp.

“That’s not what I see,” Crystal exclaimed, and there was a short moment after delivering that line where the audience clapped. This was true happiness - this was what it felt like.

“Vivienne?” said Gigi when the audience had finally finished cheering.

“Maybe Warner saw a blonde who was sleeping her way to the top, but all I see is a woman who doesn’t have to.”

The band began playing under her line, and when it was over, she slipped into singing.

“I used to pray for the day you’d leave. Swore up and down you did not belong. But when I am wrong then I say I’m wrong, and I was wrong about you, so listen up!” she strutted over to Widow and Gigi, where they both stood with confused expressions. She placed her hand on Gigi’s arm and continued singing, “I see no end to what you’ll achieve - that’s only if you don’t turn and run. You proved it to me, now show everyone what you can do,” an ensemble member approached with a blue blazer and skirt for Gigi, “And you look great in dark blue!”

Crystal placed her arm on Gigi’s back and led her to the centre of the stage, staring into the large audience with a smirk.

“Get back on the game… back on the case… take a good look at my face,” she turned to Gigi and bit her lip, and the redhead mirrored it, holding back a smile, “I’m not a fool, and as a rule, I do not bond.” she sang the word bond with quotation marks, and she held the note out whilst her friend clutched her chest. “But I see a star, you’re my new muse; you’ve got the best freakin’ shoes!”

The audience cheered as she sang this, and the female ensemble came up behind her, dancing along as she sang like there was no tomorrow.

“And you lit a fuse, so go show ‘em who’s legally blonde!”

The number ended with tremendous applause from the audience, after Gigi’s costume change into her bright pink dress. Crystal pulled her friend into a hug, they exited the stage, and the brunette thanked every God in the sky for not giving her a voice crack, before quickly rushing back on for the courtroom scene.

The scene went on swiftly until Yvie delivered the climactic line: “Think I liked being older than my dad’s new candy wife? I didn’t mean to hurt my father! I didn’t mean to shoot him… I thought it was Brooke coming through the door!”

The final number blew everyone away. The crowd was up on their feet by the end, cheering when Gigi locked lips with Drew. Crystal smiled and clapped along with everyone, and watched as her entire extended family screamed their asses off in the front row.

During bows, Crystal, among others, were given immense amounts of the acclimation, but Gigi received the most. The redhead’s older brother stood in the front row with a bouquet of flowers, standing beside Gigi’s mom who was crying too much to cheer.

The brunette exited the stage with Jaida and Widow, but Gigi stayed on to give one last wave while the curtain closed.

Most of the girls made their way back to their dressing rooms to unwind, remove makeup and prepare to greet family members and acquaintances at the stage door, but Crystal waited in the wings for Gigi. Crystal’s bow gave her an enormous sudden surge of confidence, so as Gigi made her way towards her, she sucked in a deep breath and said everything she ever wanted to say:

“I know this is a lot to take in right now cause you just did that, but I am so proud of you and I’ve been thinking really long and hard about how, even though you’re the greatest best friend I could ever ask for, I want us to be more. I like you so much. I feel like I can’t have my cake and eat it since I’m already so lucky to be in your life just as a friend but it’s so hard not to kiss you when you look that fucking pretty all the fucking time and it’s making me feel crazy. The rush I got tonight makes it impossible for me not to say this. You can slap me, if you want, or just not say anything and go take your wig off-”

“-Shut up.” Gigi grabbed the brunette’s chin and pulled her into a passionate kiss that crossed every friendship barrier they had ever made. So many pent up feelings for such a long time spilt over and Crystal felt like crying when Gigi’s soft hands moved to her neck and pulled her closer.

They broke apart after twenty seconds, resting their foreheads against one another and grinning toothily.

“I like you too… Way more than I should like you. Opening up for me is impossible, but then you somehow made it possible… Like I can tell you anything! Plus, you’re so hot. Your ass… Anyways I’m backtracking. I like you so much,” she kissed the brunette’s forehead softly, “Now let’s go take everything off and then we can go say hi to our families, okay?” Gigi twinkled, reaching forward to grab the brunette’s hand.

Crystal was breathless, somehow managing to reply with a faint ‘yes.’

Crystal couldn’t believe she had said all that to Gigi but had forgotten to say I love you. Little did she know, she’d be whispering it into the redhead’s naked chest later that night.

[gumnut-logic]

We’ll Be Home For Christmas 4.5

Title: We’ll be home for Christmas

Day Four – Five Billionaires and No Wives – Part 5 Prologue | 1.1 | 1.2 | 2.1 | 2.2 | 2.3 | 3.1 | 3.2 | 3.3 | 3.4 | 3.5 | 4.1 | 4.2 | 4.3 | 4.4 | 4.5

Author: Gumnut

29 Apr - 11 May 2020

Fandom: Thunderbirds Are Go 2015/ Thunderbirds TOS

Rating: Teen

Summary: The boys can’t fly home for Christmas, so they have to find another way.

Word count: 4259

Spoilers & warnings: language and so, so much fluff. Science!Gordon. Artist!Virgil, Minor various ships, mostly background. A little angst in this one.

Timeline: Christmas Season 3, I have also kinda ignored the main storyline of Season 3. The boys needed a break, so I gave them one. Post season 3B, before Season 3C cos I started this fic before we saw it.

Author’s note: For @scattergraph​​​. This is my 2019 TAG Secret Santa fic :D

I’ve been staring at this too long and it is late. I hope I don’t regret posting this. Especially as Alan misbehaved and threw an unplanned scene at me.

Many thanks to @i-am-chidorixblossom​ @scribbles97​​​ and @onereyofstarlight​​​ for reading through various bits, fielding my many wibblies, and for all their wonderful support.

Disclaimer: Mine? You’ve got to be kidding. Money? Don’t have any, don’t bother.

-o-o-o-

He didn’t sleep long.

Virgil was woken so they could drag him onto A Little Lightning. Scott marshalled him out of his wet clothes, into a shower and quietly redressed his healing incisions. Lunch was demanded and a sandwich shoved into his hand. Coffee was denied him and orange juice substituted.

He found himself dozing at the table.

Mel and Sam were invited for lunch aboard the boat. Gordon was busy being host, but never quite seemed to be very far from Virgil.

Sam mentioned the whales several times, but Gordon shut him down and at no point did he have a chance to corner Virgil.

Virgil felt sorry for the cetacean biologist. He must remember to talk to him at a later time. Once he had finished processing today himself.

The whole experience was otherworldly. He didn’t quite know how to express it. It was as if the music had shape and form, his mind’s eye producing a kaleidoscope of imagery sculpted by sound.

And it meant something.

He knew it meant something, but he couldn’t decipher most of it. Bits were missing, the shapes fragmented, but he did feel the emotion that travelled with it. Multidimensional, the song communicated in a way he wasn’t capable of fully comprehending.

“Virgil, you should go to bed.”

Scott again.

“Mmm-hmm.”

“C’mon.” A hand landed gently on his shoulder.

“Mmm...” Musical shapes danced in his mind and he realised there was colour. Greens, violets and yellows. Patches torn from an unseen spectrum. It was frustrating to not be able to pull it all into focus and understanding.

“Virgil?”

It would be interesting to try and paint. Yes, maybe that would be a way to understand it better. He visualised forming those shapes with pencil and brush. Three dimensions...no four. They shifted according to time.

Hell. So confusing.

But he could try.

“Virgil? You with me?”

Huh? He blinked and looked up at concerned blue eyes.

A sigh. “Just thinking.”

“I can see that. You need rest.”

He did, yes, but he also needed to think, to doodle, to work it all out. He caught Scott’s eyes. “Sit with me?”

A blink. “Of course.”

There followed farewells, Virgil pre-occupied throughout. At some point Mel kissed him on the cheek, but he barely registered it. Sam said something but was interrupted by Gordon. Virgil felt completely spaced and somewhere at the back of his thoughts he was embarrassed at his lack of response and manners.

Scott didn’t leave his side.

Gordon made excuses and apologies.

John was speaking to Eos...which meant their guests must have left. Man, he was out of it. Brain overload.

Alan had concerned blue eyes so much like their eldest brother.

The yacht’s engine starting up scared the living shit out of him. It shattered his mindscape with aural static, those careful shapes disintegrating.

“Hey, hey, Virgil. It’s okay.” Scott had his hand on his arm again.

Virgil’s heart was thudding in his chest. A blink. A calming breath. A moment. He forced calm. “I’m good.”

He was, really. He just had a lot to think about.

“You sure you don’t want to sleep?”

“I’m sure.” But there was something he did want to do. “Come up front with me?”

Scott frowned at him.

“I just want to feel the sun on my face, the wind in my hair.” And get as far away from the engine as possible.

“Sure.” A pause. “But you’re sitting down.”

“Sure.” Virgil pushed himself to his feet.

They found a niche on the bow, enough to sit comfortably with some back support. They could see Gordon frowning at them from the cockpit.

Virgil caught the thought and had to stop himself from laughing out loud. Apparently, he was as much a flyboy as his big brother.

The boat was moving at a reasonable speed, Gordon, no doubt, wanting to get home fast due to the day’s events. That and now they were behind schedule and had quite a long, final stretch to make it before sunset.

Raoul was little more than a smudge on the horizon already. Virgil stared at it a moment before turning and facing the wide ocean ahead of them that ultimately would contain their island. Wind streamed through his hair.

“It will be good to be home.”

Scott didn’t hesitate. “Definitely.”

Virgil snorted. “Missing your ‘bird?”

“Missing land.”

“You spent last night on land.”

“Not the right land.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow at that. “You seemed quite happy with at least one of the inhabitants.”

That prompted a smile on his big brother’s face. “Fishing for details?”

“Some. Not too much.”

Scott turned to him and shrugged. “It was fun. Mel is an interesting woman.”

Half a smile. “I’ll give her that much.” A curious eyebrow. “See it going any further?”

Scott’s expression was thoughtful. “Maybe.”

“Invite her over for Christmas.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Why not?”

“Late notice.”

“You have a Thunderbird.”

That thoughtfulness increased and a slight smile curved his brother’s lips.

“Invite Sam and Liam while you’re at it. We owe them cake. Alan ate theirs.” And Virgil owed Sam an explanation.

That frown returned. “You sure?”

“Sure. The more the merrier.” A snort. “Hell, have them over for a few days. It will give Melissa the chance to check out our ecosystem, she’ll be ecstatic.” A pause and then quietly. “It will give me a chance to speak to Sam about...” A fractured image came to mind and he realised it meant whale. An indrawn breath. Oh god. One concept. He understood something. He could not reproduce it. It wasn’t just sound. It was something else. A combination of visual and auditory. How? His throat froze up. Hell.

“Virgil?”

“I...” The concept tantalised him. His fingers itched for his pencils, his paints and his piano all at once. How?

How?

He swallowed and realised his heart rate was up again. “I...need my tablet...and stylus.”

Scott stared at him a moment before standing up and making his way aft.

It was a sign of how preoccupied Virgil was that his tablet appeared almost immediately in his hands.

He didn’t hesitate. His fingers pulled up his drawing app, his stylus connected with the surface and lines appeared.

Lines. Curves.

Shapes.

Interwoven.

No.

Not right.

The stylus squeaked across the screen.

More lines. More shapes.

The screen became black with them, so he added colour. It splashed and bled across the lines.

“Virgil.”

It still wasn’t right.

Frustration stirred and he groaned at the image.

A blink.

Sound.

He scratched more lines, but the moment of inspiration faded.

He couldn’t do it.

“Virgil.”

It wasn’t a single dimension. It was many. Visual, sound and...and...

Emotion.

How?

It all came back to that question.

He let the tablet and stylus drop, clenching his eyes shut and rubbing his face with his hands.

How the hell could he communicate emotion?

-o-o-o-

John squirrelled himself away. Eos had contacted him to give her report, but there was something in her tone that told him not to take it on an open line.

So, he waited until Gordon got the boat moving and Scott had corralled Virgil before retreating to his cabin for some privacy.

“Did you receive a clear enough signal?”

“Affirmative, John. The upgrade to Virgil’s comms worked perfectly. I am confident I received the full spectrum of the whale’s emissions.”

“Any conclusions?”

“Tentative. And at least an explanation why Virgil is so relaxed in their presence.”

John frowned. “Show me.” The tablet in his hand, the same waterproof device he had clung to as they were tossed from the boat, lit up and a hologram hung above it.

It was a series of graphs mapping sound waves, several equations scrolled down one side. The frown on John’s face deepened. That was some seriously complex math. “Talk to me, Eos.”

“Multiple carrier waves interact synergistically to create other waves which also carry data. This is truly a multidimensional sound.” The waves on several of the graphs split up to show their originating structures.

“Can you decipher a language?”

“Not a simple language, no. Initial assessment leads me to believe this is at least partially a graphical language. The mathematics reveal vector information is part of the transmission.”

John’s eyes widened. “Any interpretation?”

The graphs disappeared to reveal fragmented moving lines and clouded shape. “These images are calculated using a section of song the mother whale was singing to Virgil.”

“Can you see a pattern?”

“Not presently, however, I am still analysing. One aspect to be considered is this...”

A second grouping of graphics appeared beside the main display. This was smaller and lacked colour, the lines far more fragmented and the whole composition was fogged with what appeared to be static. “What?”

“That is Virgil’s vocalisation while he was in contact with the whale, if it is run through the same mathematical algorithm.” The two graphics were suddenly overlaid together. Virgil’s section fit like a piece of a puzzle into the larger composition, as if it was an unfinished section awaiting colour.

“How? Why is Virgil picking this up, but the rest of us are not?”

The graphs returned along with one new one. “I retrieved Virgil’s EEG readings from his last head injury.” Lines lit up in red on several of the graphs. “Several of the carrier waves create a binaural beat. The result is that at least part of the whale’s communication is nestled in frequencies that resonate with human brainwave activity. Virgil’s, in particular, appear to align well. I hypothesise that this facilitates his receptivity.”

John stared at the lines denoting Virgil’s delta wave production. A flick of his fingers and the graph overlaid that section of the whale’s vocal output. Delta waves were well known for their calming effect and their influence on sleep. It would definitely explain his brother’s thrall and lethargy during each encounter.

The red lines glared at him.

An exhaled breath. “So, no chance of a translation?”

“Not any time soon. The transmission is extremely complex and I have yet to reveal all of the carrier signals, much less decipher the entire data stream.”

Eos fell silent a moment and John stared at the graphs, watching them move in rhythm with each other. “Why hasn’t this been discovered before?”

“Recording equipment. Of the recordings I have examined, only three have managed to record enough detail to even hint at the complexity. Today’s samples are of the highest resolution ever taken. Further clarity would be achieved with multiple recordings.”

Which meant more encounters. The sight of Virgil singing on the whale was eerie and unsettling. He may have held back Scott from going to Virgil’s assistance, but the truth was he had to hold himself back just as much.

“Is it causing Virgil any harm?”

Eos didn’t answer immediately and it gave John the chance to ramp up his concern just a notch.

“I cannot locate any medical effects beyond a tendency towards inducing sleep due to some of the frequencies involved. I would recommend further monitoring, however.”

“I agree.” An indrawn breath. “Thank you, Eos.” He blinked and realised exactly what his daughter had just done. His eyes widened just a little. “Continue analysis. This is an important scientific discovery and you have done some excellent work.”

“Really?” Her voice was ever so hopeful, ever so young.

“Of course. I’m looking forward to working on this with you.” There was definitely work to be done and soon.

“Thank you, John.”

“No, Eos, thank you.”

Her giggle bounced across comms. Sometimes so old, yet always ever so young. Her youth was always surprising as was her need for guidance. “Could you please send me Virgil’s vitals, both during the encounter and now?”

“Yes, John.” More numbers appeared above his tablet. Fortunately, they were all healthy numbers, though Virgil’s heart rate was up somewhat. A flick of his fingers and Scott’s vitals appeared beside Virgil’s. Both brothers’ heart rates echoed each other.

John would have felt like he was spying on his family, but he did it so often for reassurance on Five that it now barely registered. Another flick of his fingers and he directed Five to focus on A Little Lightning. He found his eldest brothers on the bow of the yacht. Virgil appeared to be drawing on his tablet.

“He is well, John. I can see no after effects from his encounter.”

John wondered if he could coerce his brother into an EEG exam when they made it home. Roping Scott in would probably manage it, but the stress on both of them would be considerable and he hesitated to aggravate either of them.

Perhaps further down the track, or if Virgil gave him any reason for concern.

God, he hoped not.

A sigh. He had probably jinxed himself last night acknowledging the vacation they were on. Since he woke up to Virgil’s snoring early that morning, things had changed. Sure, surfing with Gordon had been fun, but seeing Scott stressing over Virgil on the beach and the events that followed right up until they returned to A Little Lightning had been anything but relaxing.

One of Virgil’s piano sonatas started playing over his tablet ever so softly.

Despite himself, he smiled. “I’m fine, Eos.”

“You’re worrying again. This is not good for your hair production.”

He blinked. “What?”

“Several sources state that stress can disable the pigment production in human hair follicles, resulting in white, often termed ‘grey’, hairs. I believe this is a negatively viewed characteristic and I have noted that your elder brothers have encountered this issue already. It causes distress, therefore it should be prevented.”

Another blink. “Both of my older brothers have dark hair. Grey becomes very apparent in contrast.”

“It will turn your hair pink.”

“What?” This conversation was ridiculous. “It is a natural ageing process. There is very little that can be done about it.” A breath. “I’m not vain, Eos.”

She didn’t answer immediately. “But your brothers are?”

“My brothers are my brothers, Eos.”

“Well, that makes little sense.”

“Just accept them as they are.”

“Is it possible to accept them any other way?”

“No, not really.”

“Then that statement is redundant.”

“Eos.”

“Yes?”

Frivolous distraction, Eos-style. She had become quite adept at it. Moving his thoughts off worrying topics. A sigh. “Thank you, Eos.”

She didn’t answer immediately, but then...

“Did you know Virgil dyes his hair?”

-o-o-o-

Scott watched his brother draw somewhat manically on his tablet. The resultant art was far from what the artist usually produced. This was all sharp lines and angles followed by random blob shapes. At first it was all in pencil, but then Virgil started adding colours. There was no pattern, it was all haphazard and, worse, it appeared to be aggravating him.

“Virgil.”

His brother groaned in frustration, his eyebrows creasing his face in half and swallowing the scar on his forehead.

“Virgil.”

But he suddenly stopped, realisation on his face morphing into disappointment and more frustration.

The tablet and stylus slipped from Virgil’s hands and Scott was hard pressed to catch them.

But he did.

Virgil’s eyes were scrunched shut and he rubbed his face with his hands.

Scott glanced at the mess on the tablet and shoved it to one side, turning to his brother. “Virgil, talk to me.”

“I can’t.” It was small and hoarse.

“Can’t what?”

“Can’t...express, explain...trying to understand...it’s a mess...”

Okay, this was well outside his realm, but he knew Virgil. He slipped off his seat and knelt in front him. Gently he pulled those hands away from his brother’s face to reveal worried brown eyes. “Stop. Take a breath.”

Virgil stared at him a moment before the soft command was obeyed and he drew in air. Those eyes closed briefly and his brother’s shoulders dropped. “Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

“I ruined it again. I’ve stressed you out.”

“This time, I don’t think you had much say in it. Mamma Whale was very determined to say hello.” A small smile. “I think you have a music fan.”

Virgil snorted softly and Scott knew he’d broken through even if just a little. “She definitely wanted to talk. I just wish I knew what she wanted to say.”

“You picked up something, though, didn’t you?”

A quiet sigh. “She was happy and surprised.” Virgil looked up and stared out into the ocean, but Scott could tell he wasn’t seeing the waves.

He wondered what he was thinking.

“How could you tell?”

The frown returned. “I don’t know.” A pause caught in thought. “The sound makes me feel? The sound is...everything.”

Virgil stopped speaking, lost again to whatever was in his head.

Scott swallowed and tried a different tactic. “I think you made a mistake.”

Brown eyes snapped to him immediately. “What?”

“You should have asked Mel out. Lost opportunity, bro.”

Virgil stared at him. “What?”

“She had the hots for you, Virg, and you ignored her.”

“Last time Raoul erupted? She tried to climb me like a tree. Kay had to drag her out of the cockpit.”

It was Scott’s turn to stare. “Really?”

“She was very exuberant in her thanks.”

Scott smiled. “She knows what she likes.” And yes, admittedly, she was very good at climbing, after all Scott was taller. His smile widened.

Virgil’s stare intensified until plain, straight human communication got the message across and his brother groaned. “God, Scott, TMI.”

Total innocence. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to. The image is radiating off your skin.”

Scott sniggered.

Distraction achieved.

“Well, I did say you lost an opportunity.”

“That’s fine, Jungle Jim, she’s all yours.”

Scott shrugged. He could always hope. She certainly knew how to press all his buttons. “Still think we should have her over for Christmas?”

“Yeah, Gordon will love it.”

“What about you?”

“I need to speak to Sam.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

“Okay.” A breath. “Just take it easy.”

His brother nodded and returned to staring out at the ocean. “It will be good to get home.”

Scott stood up slowly and sat back down beside his brother. “Yeah, it will.”

So good.

-o-o-o-

“Are we there yet?” Alan’s voice was particularly whiny, no doubt, specifically designed to irritate.

Gordon turned away from the helm to look at him. “Do you see an island in front of us?”

Alan shoved his hands in his pockets. “Nope.”

“There’s your answer.”

It had been quiet on the bridge for the last few hours. Gordon was grateful for the time to think. A Little Lightning cut through the water ever so smoothly. It was satisfying to see the swell pass by knowing that they were one wave closer to home.

Gordon loved being out on the ocean. It was his native element. But at the moment he longed for the safety of Tracy Island. That last encounter with the whales had its own sense of wonder, but until he understood exactly what the effect was on his older brother, he wasn’t entirely comfortable.

It was weird and unnerving.

And it worried him.

“They been out there long?” Alan was staring at the two men sitting on the bow of the boat.

“Yeah, couple of hours at least.”

“Do you think Virgil is okay?”

No. “Yeah, he’ll be fine.”

Alan eyed him. “I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t need protecting. Since when have you become one of them?” He pointed at his eldest brothers.

Gordon sighed. “I’m not. It’s just...I don’t know, okay? It was weird and amazing and I need to talk to him and he was spaced out and his singing was...”

“Weird?”

“Yeah.”

There was silence for a moment, but Gordon knew it wouldn’t be long.

Sure enough.

“Do you think Virg can talk to whales?”

“I don’t know, Alan.” It was said on one long exhale.

“He communicated something, didn’t he?”

“I don’t know, okay?” And that was the problem. There was so much they didn’t know. Gordon was itching to get into the in-depth literature, to find out more and fill the gaps in his knowledge so he could help his brother. He would be speaking to Sam as soon as possible, but for the moment, the priority was getting Virgil home.

“Some vacation.” It was said with a pout.

Gordon sighed and shoved on the autopilot before turning to his younger brother. “Alan, out with it.”

“What?”

“What’s bugging you.”

“I thought that was obvious. Virgil going zombie and singing to a whale is enough, don’t you think? As if appendicitis wasn’t dramatic already.”

Gordon stared at Alan. “He is going to be okay.”

“You don’t know that. You just said so!”

“He sang to a whale, Alan. They are one of the gentlest creatures on the planet. If he was going to choose a weird conversation partner, he chose well.”

“But you don’t know what it did to him!”

“It didn’t do anything to him.”

“You don’t know that!”

“Alan-“

“Don’t lie to me!” The words shot across the bridge and slapped Gordon in the face.

Voice calm and quiet and not a little hurt. “I have never lied to you, Alan.”

Blue fire glared at him. “You haven’t? Not even to protect the littlest one? Scared I might burst into tears.”

Gordon stared at his little brother. “What is it?”

“Have you?!”

“No! I’ve always told you the truth. You know that!” He let out an aggravated breath. “What is wrong, Allie?”

“What do you think? First you, then Virgil, and now this!”

“What?!” Him? Virgil? Oh...shit. “Virgil is okay. Hell, I’m okay. Allie, we are all fine.”

“That’s what he keeps saying!” Alan shoved a finger in Virgil’s direction. “He’s always fine, even when he’s not. You’re all the same. Big tough guys, nothing is ever wrong. You could be bleeding to death and you’d ‘be fine’. What is wrong with admitting you’re hurt? What is so wrong with being hurt that you have to hide it?”

Gordon opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

“Well, you know what? I’m scared and I’m sick of hiding it. Virgil nearly fell out of the damned sky with his infected appendix. It could have killed him. And now he’s scaring everyone with this whale thing.” A harshly indrawn breath. “Don’t tell me Scott’s not worried. I’m not stupid.”

Two steps and Gordon was in front of his brother, his hands landing on shoulders that were just that touch higher than his own and tighter strung than Virgil’s piano. “Allie, he’s going to be okay.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because it is true.”

Something unintelligible and Alan was wrapped around him like a limpet. Gordon held his little brother. It was unusual and alarming. Alan usually went to Scott for comfort. Gordon was for pranks and cohorting. “It’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to be worried. You can cry if you need to.”

“I’m not going to cry!” Alan pulled away and glared up at Gordon.

“What?”

“Now you think I’m the baby that needs to bawl on your shoulder?”

“What?!” The hell was going on? Some conscious part of his brain was aware of the yacht’s engine, the high speed they were travelling and the fact autopilot on water was vastly different from the sky and he really should be paying attention. But Alan needed...something. “Allie, you’ve lost me. What do you want?!”

“I want Virgil to be okay. I want you to be okay.”

“We are okay!”

“Then stop scaring me!”

“I didn’t scare you!”

“You....you terrified me, Gordon. You terrified all of us.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Still hurt.”

“Aww, Allie...” What could he do?

“And now, here you are ‘okay’, and it could happen again, and...” A shaky swallow. “I’m scared, okay? You’re fine. Virgil’s fine. But you’re not, and...I’m not okay...okay?”

This time it was Gordon wrapping his arms around his not so little brother. “I’m sorry, Allie.”

Muffled into Gordon’s shoulder. “Not your fault.”

“No.” But he should have realised it was still messing with his little brother. Alan was the least experienced of them all. Gordon had seen things, done things, things that hopefully Alan would never have to experience. Quietly. “I think Virgil is a little freaked out. I don’t think he understands what happened much more than we do. But we are going to find out. I’m going to speak to Sam. We’re going to do some research and we will find out why the song affected Virgil the way it did. But he is okay, Alan. Tracy’s honour. A little shaken up. A little worried. But he is okay. We’ll work through this like we always do.”

His brother’s arms tightened around him just that little bit more, but Alan didn’t say anything.

A rustle of fabric and Gordon looked up to see John standing in the doorway staring at them with a hint of worry in his eyes.

“John?”

Alan startled and pulled away immediately. Turquoise followed his every move.

A slow blink and John stepped onto the bridge. “Eos is deciphering the song. We have a good idea as to why Virgil reacted the way he did.” It was said calmly and factually for such a great discovery.

“You do?” Alan found his voice first.

Those eyes latched onto Gordon’s. “We do.”

The helm beeped.

A blink and Gordon was back at the wheel, scanning their position. A mass of volcanic rock and tropical reef appeared on navigational sensors.

A familiar chunk of rock and reef.

Tracy Island.

Home.

-o-o-o-

End Day Four, Part Five.