#like the lack of the twos parents really ruined the finale a lil

[thetimelordbatgirl]

I found it weird how Sasha and Anne didn't even hesitate to go back to earth. I get why Marcy would want to go back after everything she's gone through on amphibia. But Anne seemed oddly at peace with it and I'd argue Sasha would at least consider staying after how much amphibia helped her grow. Hell, when they came back to amphibia there was that whole gag about the plantars using hand sanitizer and Sasha said "earth made you soft" and idk the way she said that felt almost like an hint she would stay but tbh that might have been me overthinking things. Honestly it feels like the only real reason why they went to earth is just cuz... Their families are there. Which, since we never saw them, we just have to assume Sasha and Marcy's families are healthy. Idk i like bittersweet endings but it felt extremely forced here

I would suggest Anne was at peace with the idea cause you know, we got told in True Colors she's missed her family and such and therefore, she really would just go back cause all her family is on Earth and they are shown to be a pretty good family. Like yeah, the Planters are like her family, but at the same time, we saw she did miss her mom and dad and therefore, wouldn't just want to be away from them forever. There's also the whole weird Anne will be god I guess so guess she'll see Amphibia again when she dies at 91 and becomes god.

But yeah, with Sasha, it's really weird we got shown she's unsure what she wanted to do after betraying Anne and Marcy in True Colors, and in Commander Anne, seems to speak of Earth in a negative way with how it made the Planter's soft. And honestly, it does say a-lot Sasha grew more in Amphibia away from her parents, but prior to that, had been well, pretty toxic, making us question what her parents were even like. All we know is that they divorced and that the divorce led to Sasha seeking control in areas where she can have it, but cause we never see them, we dunno if they were apart of why Sasha was so toxic prior to Amphibia or not. But I guess they didn't have Sasha stay cause of how it may make the ending more bittersweet with how they cut off Amphibia forever.

And as for Marcy, honestly I think her family was a definite point for questioning on what they were like. Like, True Colors flashback shows that they seem to text her like, "We need to talk. Now." And then like, the dad shouts after her to get back here young lady as she flees the home in tears and neither run after her. And I'm pretty sure it was implied they could have moved by S3A, but like, we never see them. We never see if they actually good parents or iffy ones like flashback implies. Marcy just wants to return suddenly and we never see the parents as a result.

[bucketofcowboys]

I Don’t Mind

Just a short drabble I wrote at 3 am :)

It’s pretty short so I’ll be posting it on AO3 and tumblr

Relationship: Kazuma Kiryu/Goro Majima, Kazuma Kiryu & Haruka Sawamura, Goro Majima & Haruka Sawamura

Warning: NSFW but not complete NSFW-- turns into domestic fluff

Words: 1,748

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29952348

Summary: The only thing he could really think of in that moment was a stream of consecutive, desperate, 'no's. Don't get him wrong, he loved Haru-Chan. Haru-Chan is an absolute treasure to be around and every moment spent with her was a moment coated in diamonds and gold, but right now was not one of those moments. Not when he is so damn close to getting off.

(aka. Kiryu and Majima are getting it on but have to put it to a halt when Haruka has a nightmare)

----

Riding Kiryu was like riding a fucking bull. All hard muscles and sweat, squeezing his thighs just hard enough to not get bucked off, and feeling the sweet satisfaction of victory each minute he stayed on. Though, he was sure in actual bull riding the bull wouldn't be making noises like Kiryu did. He didn't even think bulls had the proper vocal chords to moan his name. Kiryu definitely did, and God, he found every way to roll around the name 'Majima' in his mouth until the name didn't even sound like a name anymore. Maybe a war cry or the last thing a man says when he takes his dying breath. 

Majima was close, and he wouldn't stop for anything. The only thing he wanted in that moment was to paint white across Kiryu's abdomen until they're both shaking, sputtering messes of human putty. He grabbed ahold of his own cock and stroked himself with a wet and fast pace. His back arched and he slammed down hard onto Kiryu's dick until he was whining like a kicked puppy. Kiryu looked so good like that, lips pink and puffy with kiss-abused bruises, parted beautifully in ecstacy, skin flushed cherry red from his cheeks all the way down to his ears, eyes half lidded and pupils dilated as he tried to watch the show Majima was giving him. He looked like a meal to be devoured and Majima was absolutely fucking famished. He could just eat him up. He wanted to eat him up.

"M'gonna cum baby, you gonna cum too? Wanna cum inside me baby? Fill my tight lil' hole, huh?" Majima blabbered out and Kiryu nodded enthusiastically. He smirked. "Ya so pretty. God, ya so pretty..." 

He leaned down and captured Kiryu's swollen lips in a kiss. He stole each noise that left Kiryu's mouth and swallowed it down like a man dying of dehydration. Their lips moved sporadically and Majima's teeth clacked against Kiryu's with every downwards movement. He ran his hands though that carefully slicked back hair and tugged until each strand of black stuck out at odd ends, ruining every last bit of collectiveness the other man had. He wanted to ravish him, destroy him, leave nothing but bone in his wake. 

He could feel himself getting closer and closer with each movement of his hips. He moved at different angles each time, trying his best to find the best way to hit his prostate and when he did, a throaty groan left him. He needed this. He needed this like he needed a pulse. He needed this like he needed food and water. He needed this like he needed to breathe. 

He felt that pressure building up quick inside of him, and he's just about to spill over like blood from a fresh stab wound when--

Knock knock

Two gentle hits on hardwood broke their near-orgasmic haze. Kiryu put his hands on Majima's hips and gripped hard to pull him down and stop his movements. Majima whined with frustration and Kiryu quickly shushed him. They sat in silence for a moment, Kiryu listening closely for any other noise like a dog listens for an intruder late in the night. Majima was almost convinced his ears were gonna perk up, and maybe he'd even start panting with his tongue out for show. 

"Ojisan?" A quiet voice muffled by the thick door of the bedroom finally rang out. Majima began to feel his whole world crashing down. 

The only thing he could really think of in that moment was a stream of consecutive, desperate, 'no's. Don't get him wrong, he loved Haru-Chan. Haru-Chan is an absolute treasure to be around and every moment spent with her was a moment coated in diamonds and gold, but right now was not one of those moments. Not when he is so damn close to getting off. 

"Get off, Majima..." Kiryu said softly, apologetic. Funny, cause that was exactly what he wanted.

"Maybe if we stay quiet, she'll go away." Majima didn't know if he was joking or not at this point. He was so desperate, clinging to any last scraps of being able to get off by the end of the night. Kiryu shot him a disapproving glare likened to that of a stern mother goose. He wouldn't even humor him. A damn shame. 

Majima sighed and begrudgingly sat up, shivering at the empty feeling and collapsing on the bed next to Kiryu. He couldn't even look up before Kiryu was up from the bed and fumbling to pull his clothes back on. Majima watched with a mournful stare as all of that beautiful tanned skin was covered in seconds. A depressing loss. He was so distracted by planning a funeral for Kiryu's naked ass that he didn't have time to react when something wacked him in the face.

"Hey--!" It took him a moment to realize that he had thrown his boxers at him.

"Get dressed." Kiryu grunted, standing there and crossing his arms as he waited for him to comply. Majima huffed, but he did as he was told, lazily pulling his boxers up his legs. It was like a snake slithering back into its shed skin-- unnatural and uncomfortable. Once he was done he rolled himself up in Kiryu's comforter and buried his face in the mattress like a moody toddler. He could almost feel Kiryu rolling his eyes.

Another gentle knock interrupted them, but this time it was followed by a few sniffles. Oh yeah, this was bad. 

Majima lifted his head until his good eye was poking up. Kiryu was already at the door, rushing to Haruka’s aid like the good parental figure he was.

"What's the matter?" His voice was soft as he spoke to her, the kind of soft that sent shivers down Majima's spine. Haruka was standing in the doorway in her pj's with tears staining her flushed cheeks. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and sniffled a few times to try and regain her composure. 

"I... I had a bad dream.” She finally fessed up. Her shoulders shuddered as she tried to hold back from becoming a sobbing mess. Kiryu kneeled down and gently gasped at her shoulders, one hand gently stroking the tears away from her cheek. So soft. So domestic. Majima could almost feel his heart melting into a puddle in his chest. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Haruka quickly shook her head, and he just nodded. 

“Can I come in?” She asked. Kiryu looked back at Majima with a look that was somehow apologetic and pleading at the same time. Haruka must have not noticed Majima’s presence, somehow, because she cocked her head up and startled when she saw him.

“Hi Majima-ojisan.” She said with a sniffle. Majima tried to offer her a genuine smile, mustering as much sunshine and rainbows he could in that moment and putting it all into a toothy grin, which looked much more frightening than Majima thought it did.

“Hey Haru-Chan.” Haruka wasn’t unfamiliar with Majima loitering around her and Kiryu's apartment, or at least not anymore. At this point he was over here more than he was at his own apartment. He patted a spot of the comforter next to him in a silent invitation. She quickly complied and crawled up onto the bed and plopped down next to him. 

She looked up at him and her eyes were filled with lingering tears that threatened to spill with every fan of her lashes. She was such a sad sight to see, he could almost hear his heart shattering into pieces. 

"Hey squirt, whatever's botherin' ya right now, forget about it." He placed a hand on her head and gently ruffled her hair, "Me and your pops are gonna protect ya from any monsters ya had in your nightmare, promise."

The bedroom light flickered off and soon the bed frame was squeaking in disapproval as Kiryu crawled onto the bed to join them. He shuffled up on the other side of Haruka and nodded into the conversation. 

"We're strong, we can take them." Kiryu added, laying on his side with a gentle smile on his lips. Haruka sniffled a bit, but she didn't seem like she was on the edge of bursting anymore. She rubbed her eyes, now raw from sobbing and a lack of sleep, and yawned.

"Can I sleep here? I don't want to go back to my room." She asked, but she was already curling up at Kiryu's side without an answer.

"Of course." Kiryu muttered, wrapping his arms around her and pressing a kiss to her head. He then looked up at Majima with a frown on his lips and eyes that read; 'I'm so sorry' over and over again like a news ticker. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to."

"I don't mind." And he didn't. Sure, he was a bit upset about the major cockblocking he just got, but he could deal. Haruka meant a lot to Kiryu, he wasn't just gonna get all pissy because he was being a good parent. 

Plus, it was all worth it, because Kiryu shot him a look that brought troves of butterflies to his stomach. A look that read so many emotions, none of which Majima felt comfortable naming. All he knew was that it felt nice to be looked at like that. Really fucking nice. Kiryu leaned as far forwards as he could with Haruka tucked beneath his chin and Majima met him halfway in a kiss. 

"I'll make it up to you." He insisted, and Majima flicked his cheek.

"Nah, shuddup. I already said I don't mind, now go to sleep." Kiryu gave a huff of his nostrils in protest, but didn't say anything else. He just pressed another peck to Majima's lips and pulled him closer until the three of them were squished together in a warm embrace.

This definitely wasn't the way he thought this night was going to end, but he had no qualms with it. The domesticality of it all was tooth rotting-ly sweet, and he hated to admit it but Kiryu looked cute as hell with Haruka sleeping in his arms, almost like a mama bear snuggling her cub close. Haruka slept sounder than she ever had that night with Majima and Kiryu there to protect her, and Majima fell asleep with a nice feeling of home settled in his chest.

[flower-of-the-desert]

hey, i really liked your posts about ep12, it helped me a lot to put things into perspective. i was wondering if you could share your thoughts on the 2gether finale as well, coz right now i just wanna cry im so disappointed with it =(

Aww, thank you, anon. <3

Ok so my thoughts on the finale are kind of all over the place but I’ll try to explain as best as I can and hopefully it’s gonna make sense.

Like I said, in my original post I dont love the ep but I dont hate it either. I suppose I fall somewhere in the middle. I enjoyed a lot of it - seeing all the couples progress and be happy together, Man/Type especially were just so adorable, Mil and Phukong starting to build something with each other (lil bro using Sarawat’s pick up line was a really nice touch, love that), Mil being an all around awesome supportive friend to BOTH Tine and Wat?? We love to see it. The way he turned up at the football field where Wat was being his angsty self and literally kicked his butt into taking action - *chef’s kiss*

Him and Fong are now the parents of the baby gays I dont make the rules.

Wat’s confession on stage and his song that he literally named after Tine and when he said he never confessed to Pam because he didnt know what love was before he met Tine - perfection. Absolute perfection. I’m here for it.

And Tine’s heartbreak was so well done too, I just felt so much for him.

Again, as I said, the whole thing with Pam didnt turned out exactly as I had hoped but it wasnt the worst case scenario either so I’ll take it. I’d rather have Pam making a mistake and realising it and backing off while assuring Tine that Wat really does love HIM and even though she tried Pam didnt stand a chance because it’s always gonna be Tine for Sarawat and she understands that now over her being an actual bitch who keeps trying to seperate them and uses the situation to her advantage. I mean they could have gone that way too - Pam didnt have to give Tine that recording or to tell him how Wat changed after meeting him but she did, I think, as her own way of apologizing for what she’d done. So yeah, overall, I’m fine with this.

ALSO NOBODY DIED SO THAT’S A BIG PLUS.

(History 3 MODC can’t relate)

ANYWAY, so those are the positives for me. Which as it turns out is most of the episode yay! Now onto what wasnt quite so positive.

My main issue with this episode is the resolution to Wat and Tine’s conflict. Mainly, there really... wasnt one. And I’m not talking about the physical intimacy thing, I’ll touch on that later but more importantly for the ending - the emotional intimacy. None of the problems they had were properly addressed. Tine’s insecurities were rooted so deeply that despite Wat spending 12 EPISODES doing anything and everything to show his love and adoration, Tine still couldnt really believe it. And that’s not gonna be resolved with a simple recording.

And on the other hand, can you image how all of this would make Sarawat feel? Like no matter what he does, no matter how much of himself he gives to Tine, his boyfriend still would find it easier to believe that Wat is just using him as a replacement for someone else. That’s gonna fuck with his head even if Tine came back. I really really wished they had talked at least a little about these things.

Like maybe if we didnt have half of the episode filled with pointless flashbacks there could have been time to actually talk... (tbh, part of me kind of wonders if they purposefully put in so many flashbacks to fill in the air time so they wouldnt HAVE to write those scenes which leaves me ?????).

I think I mentioned this too in the other post, but the Wat/Tine reunion echoes beat for beat the Fighter/Tutor reunion with all its issues but while WhyRU has a reason for why things turned out like that, here I just... I dont know what could have been the reason for 2gether’s writers? Unless they also couldnt film everything they wanted...

And then there’s the... “high-five controversy”, let’s call it and again I find myself in the middle of the argument. I stand by what I’ve said before about how I feel about the way they handled physical intimacy between the characters - yes, objectively and critically speaking, I’m not here for writers/directors/channel/whoever trying to censor the physical intimacy of an established couple. There is nothing wrong with two partners wanting to kiss/cuddle/have sex/etc. Sex isnt something dirty (I mean it can be depending on what you’re writing BUT THAT’S A DIFFERENT GENRE OK, we are not talking about smutty fic here cough cough) and shameful that “pure” people shouldnt be enjoying (lovely post on the topic here I was just thinking about it last night). And it’s about time show creators got with the programme, ESPECIALLY when it comes to non-straight couples.

As of ep13 it’s clear to me that 2gether went through some serious censorship - lots of people have talked about how it’s a thing that they do on this particular channel and maybe that’s all it is, I dont know. I dont want to speculate what’s been going on behind the scenes since I dont have any idea and sadly I dont think the writers will ever be willing to talk about it. I’d LOVE to hear their throughts on this matter tbh and why they decided to do things this way.

So on an objective level, this is bullshit. Subjectively, and this is where my personal opinion comes in, I wasnt as bothered by this as I normally would be because I’ve been enjoying all the other aspects of the relationship that the show successfully built up and prtrayed on screen. Does that make sense?

Specifically about the finale, though, I agree with the complains. Part of why the reunion felt so underwhelming and disappointing, I think, was not only the lack of emotional intimacy but also the hella.... awkward? physical “intimacy” they showed? The scene absolutely did call for a kiss or a hug, at the very least. Instead they were standing 2 feet apart cause... they’re not gay? I really really do not understand what happened there in that scene. I’ve seen some people mention that the finale was filmed before the other episodes so the actors werent used to each other yet and honestly I can see it - watching Tine and Wat in that ending montage felt like I was watching them at the beginning of their fake dating when both were awkward and unsure of where they stood with each other rather than seeing an established in love couple coming back together after going through something tough.

So these are my thoughts on the finale. It wasnt the best one I’ve ever seen but not bad enough to ruin the rest of the show for me (and there’s NOTHING I hate more than bad endings ruining a story I’ve fallen in love with so there’s that) and I do really love this show and its characters so much. It’s hard, even impossivle to find a perfect show from start to finish and honestly I’ve come to believe that’s not as important as what you get out of it - if the show makes you happy, despite whatever writing issues it might have, that’s the most important thing, I think. And 2gether did that for me. So I’m glad I watched it.

Omg, this got so long. Again. If you’re still with me, anon, you’re a hero. I hope I was able to help you. <3

[jvlicns]

julian amante , twenty - three , cis male , THE TOWER .

amusing , candid , resourceful , petty , cataclysmic , arrogant.

first of all HELLO !! im z. 25 / she+her / pst. im thrilled to be here and honestly a little shocked ?? my app was a rushed MESS but im so happy the admins understood my nonsense !! 

this is going to be a lil long so pls bear w me. im going to break it down into sections and eventually make an entire bio , but this will do in the mean time !

connections are here , & my discord is zvvf#1885 ! 

* tw for mention of drugs & alcohol

. . .

TAROT ━

the tower represents chaos , destruction , & upheaval. this change is usually sudden & unexpected -- & not always good. the tower itself is a symbol of ambition , but in this card we see it built on faulty premises & false beliefs , all of which are no longer useful.

the ruin of the tower is inevitable -- necessary for growth & groundbreaking renewal. it’s time to break out of the old ways.

AESTHETICS ━

cracked asphalt , bloody knuckles , tangerine sunsets. the smell of freshly cut grass . still , slow mornings. a neat row of fire ants , climbing up your bedroom wall. broken stained glass , an overgrown field. tears of laughter , the only you’ll ever shed. 

money in a yellow envelope , guilt in your eyes , pressed flowers , a string quartet , corruption , loss of morals , student debt , a yellow light , darkness , hellfire.

THOUGHTS ━

" you’ve got your orders & that’s enough. you don’t know who’s telling you to throw your classmates off the scent , but you’re getting paid to do it. maybe your moral compass would stop you if you didn’t struggle so much in the financial department , but hey. you’re doing what you have to do to survive. if only you didn’t have to go against your better judgment for it. "

GENERAL ━

assigned to REYNOLDS house 

fourth year -- senior .

currently working at the corner store as a cashier .

scholarship student -- 2.3 average gpa .

athlete , st. cade’s lacrosse team .

BACKGROUND ━

grew up in a small town in arizona , in one of those unfinished suburbs that ran out of funding halfway through a government project to “ upgrade ” that was met with widespread disapproval. it’s all empty pools & dirt lawns , a patchwork neighborhood of old houses mixed in with the new. 

former golden boy who peaked in high school : star athlete , prom king , voted best smile. eternally toeing the line between CHAMPION  & DIRTBAG.

well - liked , but known for being something of a hell - raiser. out every night , hungover every morning. it was less obvious back then -- he could easily brush it off as simple youthful rebellion , rather than a real personality defect.

his first taste of alcohol was in seventh grade. a summer night , with the sun retiring for the day but leaving her kiss on the still - warm pavement. his world -- previously filled with sunday school , tense family dinners , & 24 hour marathons of professional passive aggression , was forever changed. finally , the boredom slipped away. & not just that ! this was actually FUN. 

but for someone with zero impulse control . . . a door opened , & he never managed to close it.

from a young age , his parents were always involved in the church. they attended every sunday , no excuses. 

this lapsed as the years passed & the amante family found it more & more unpleasant to be in the same room together , but his parent’s beliefs never wavered. religion was used as a weapon in their home -- to shame & guilt. they claimed love , preached tolerance. what they practiced , however , was the opposite. as he grew older , julian managed to weasel his way out of most of their theological outings. he gained some freedom , in addition to the ire of his family. their disappointment in him grew from a tiny acorn to a mighty oak.

his parents had their own issues , long before julian came along. a marriage between two irreconcilable people. the love they should have shared mutated into something twisted , something that they could give only to their son. it was enough for them to feed him , clothe him , & put a roof over his head. anything else was simply asking too much. 

despite coming from a low - income family , things have never been particularly DIFFICULT for him. sure , they struggled. he’s lost count of the times the power got shut off , or the water. but julian was the type of kid who could charm teachers into bumping his grade up to a 71% , despite the dozens of half - finished assignments & failed tests. he didn’t really have to try -- they just wanted to help him. ( pity , perhaps ? he turns a blind eye )

he coasted through school. one of those natural athletes that coaches & admin treat like celebrities , focusing all their attention on a teenager they have high hopes for. higher hopes than he had for himself , in fact. 

julian never had dreams , not a plan for his future. all that stubborn arrogance fooled them : he’s spent the better part of the past seven years stalling. cutting corners & taking shortcuts , desperately avoiding reality.

he never expected to even leave his hometown , let along attend a prestigious college on a full ride lacrosse scholarship. somehow , he played enough games & passed enough classes to qualify for an opportunity that would pluck him from his sad , tragic storyline & deposit him on a shiny path to success. a fresh start. 

he didn’t want to go. fought endlessly about it with his parents , his friends , himself. his place wasn’t at some hoity - toity school , surrounded by do - gooders & the conscientious. julian may have a knack for delusion , for spinning a story that suits him in whatever moment is passing. but he’s smart enough knows what his future holds : drinking himself to an early death in the very house he was born in. you can’t fight fate -- but you can surely postpone it.

in the end , it’s the boredom that convinces him. he’s said & done just about everything he can here , exhausted all the options he cares to consider. made plenty of enemies , as well as friends. built & burnt bridges. 

the expectation of his teachers , his parents , were choking him. it’s foolish to think that this might be the way out – he’ll never change. but why not have some fun , while he’s still here ?

st.cade’s was a treasure trove for julian , filled with endless opportunities to amuse himself. despite his placement in reynold’s house & the mandatory church shit ( a part of his scholarship’s stipulations ) , it hasn’t been bad. another social scene for him to invade , conquests to be had , fights to provoke. the first few years were amazing : an intoxicated blur of his own little slice of this world. 

he lives in the moment , greedily gathering every experience he can. nodding off in class , smoking behind the greenhouse , collecting all the free alcohol he manages to sniff out.

he’s learned this : a loud laugh & bravado can get you far. but now , his actions have finally caught up with him. the school is threatening to terminate his scholarship , to pack up his bags & send him on the first train home. & while he has no idea what to do , he knows he can’t go back. god , no. 

even without what’s keeping him – the enticing mystery of helena’s disappearance , his friends , his freedom. he just can’t stand to go in reverse ; it would mean facing the consequences of every mistake he’s ever made ( & there are quite a few ! ) 

he’s a shark – he has to keep moving. 

that first letter came soon after the school - wide assembly. small , neat type. direct. there was no mincing words , the sender made it perfectly clear : this is his only option. if he wants to maintain this lifestyle , this is the way. so he burns the letters , following their instructions. almost relieved to be given direction. it’s a respite in the current disarray – something he used to enjoy , but now just feels exhausting. he’s the band , humming away as the titanic sinks. not my business , he thinks. but he’ll drown all the same.

PERSONALITY ━

he’s an asshole but a F U N asshole -- that makes it palatable , right ?? 

not a dumbass , but the lack of impulse control + arrogance could have fooled me ! his intelligence is only hinted at , invisible unless you’re looking : reciting keats from memory , listing off all 79 of jupiter’s moons. remnants of past & fleeting obsessions.

 has to actively undermine his own common sense -- for the laughs , of course !

selfish ; his needs & wants come before anyone else’s. a childish habit , yes , but one he’s been unable to break. ( not that he’s tried )

vacillates between aloof & dramatic. you can count on him to stir some shit up -- he adores chaos & just can’t keep his mouth shut. petty , to a fault.

he’s hot - shit & he knows it ; well aware of his pretty face & statuesque build. julian’s never been afraid of using it to his advantage , or even just reminding anyone around him of just how cute he is. ( listen up 5′s , a 10 is speaking ! )

 has a strong aversion to authority. “ don’t tell me what to do ! ” . . . * quietly takes your advice when you’re not looking * . . .

the good parts of him are buried deep. his loyalty , his gentleness. a warm heart that can easily empathize , but chooses not to. julians pursuit of superficial gratification blinds him , warping his reflection like a funhouse mirror.

aggressive & unrelenting. this could be channeled into something of a work ethic , if he cared enough. instead , he uses it to get what he wants. whatever that might be.

curious as a cat with nine lives , he won’t hesitate to ask the question everyone’s thinking. that bluntness is almost appealing , as long as it’s not directed at you. this makes him somewhat of a good listener , even if he’s only paying attention to satisfy his own nosiness. 

he’ll literally fight for the ones he loves. there aren’t many of them , but the sentiment stands. years of sports have taught him the value of teamwork , & he has yet to shake it. once you endear yourself to him , there’s no going back.

despite everything , julian manages to be a charismatic little firebrand. he’ll guarantee a good time , he just won’t help clean up the mess.

FUN FACTS ━

can fit his entire fist in his mouth

has The Loudest Sneeze Of All Time

once bit into an apple n saw a WORM inside so now he hates apples w a passion

right handed , but taught himself to be ambidextrous during the summer between fifth & sixth grade

promptly forgot he was ambidextrous & never uses his left hand

has surprisingly neat handwriting

can fall asleep ANYWHERE

likes country music ( will never admit it , tho )

his mother used to read him poetry , so he’s lowkey Very Into It

can’t carry a tune for shit , & his impressions are a w f u l. his british accent is just a cheap dick van dyke imitation , & his australian accent is what the british one SHOULD be

[driftsaway]

`「✘」 kim taehyung. cismale. he/him. || that new tenant, oh junyeol that moved into apt 6, is twenty-four years old and is unemployed. their tenancy to be morose minded totally counteracts their precarious personality. usually, you can hear the beach by the neighbourhood playing throughout their apartment. when i think of them, i think of blurry pictures taken at midnight, stones sinking to the bottom of a lake and cracked phone screen . 「ruby. 20. gmt+1. she/her.」

yeehaw gays ! i’m back again ( stan knk ) with my tiny lil son junyeol  , please like this for a plot or hmu on discord & i will love u forever !

pinterest

s t a t i s t i c s

full name: oh junyeol nicknames: yeol, yeollie gender & pronouns: cisgender male , he/him sexuality: demisexual / demiromantic date of birth: april 30 1995 ethnicity: korean nationality: korean

hometown: seoul, korea current residence: new york city , new york occupation: unemployed education: high school education

zodiac signs: taurus sun, scorpio moon, cancer rising mbti: infp moral alignment: chaotic good

d i v i n g  d e e p e r

being the son of a chaebol everyone expected junyeol’s life to be sunshine and roses, he would have it easy - his father had money and power, his mom was pretty and they resided in a four story penthouse in the middle of myeongdong. the life of oh junyeol was meant to be one for the books, one with a story already written for him before he had even taken his first breath.

what his family lacked for in love and actual affection for one another it made up with money, the boy’s father was positive there was nothing money couldn’t buy and that included happiness. he bought him and his sister all the gifts in the world thinking it would make up for his absence. it had never really worked for the boy, starting a young age the boy suffered from intense anger attacks, blinding rages from which he never truly recovered. not even the anger attacks were enough to get his parents to actually take a second and pay him attention - they were too busy with making money to send their son to therapy, to get him help for something that was so clearly a bother in his life.

the one thing he had always found solace in was music, his au pair having taught him how to play the piano hoping that it would give him a little peace of mind. later on he taught himself how to play guitar. he was ten years old when he wrote his first song. he was eleven when he auditioned for a big entertainment company, and it took him less than twenty-four hours to find out he had been accepted (he figured his dad had something to do with that, but he wasn’t complaining).

he trained for years until he finally got the good news that he was finally debuting - along with four other boys he was going to achieve what he had been working so hard for for all these years and that had to be celebrated. a few drinks in he found himself flirting with a girl, a really pretty girl who invited him to come home with her - it wasn’t something he’d usually do but he was drunk and he did have something to celebrate.

safe to say that went completely wrong, three days after the profile had been announced, three days after his face had been splashed all over the internet a video was leaked - a video he hadn’t consented for, but a video none the less. it took thirty minutes for his company to make the statement that his contract had been terminated and that he had been removed from the groups lineup. it took thirty-five minutes for his father to call him up with a fury he had never heard before. he had completely ruined the family reputation.

the boy got to drugs, drinking and a whole lot of other fucked up shit. his anger got worse, and as a tip on the ice berg he ruined the one good thing he had going for him – in a drunk rage he accidentally lashed out and hit the one person he had ever been able to get feelings for. his father shipped him off to new york. hoping that across the borders he wouldn’t be able to create any other damage.

he’s been in new york for two years now and his drug use hadn’t really gotten better , neither have his self destructive tendencies -- but after something similar happening again in one of his drunk rages he came to the conclusion that maybe he does have a substance abuse problem nd he’s currently in the process of getting clean. he’s about two months sober, but he still very much has a problem and it’s kind of a battle every day. he is also trying to restart his music and songwriting again, but if you ask him it’s nothing serious and it’s nothing good either.

tldr ; ok so this got mad long , baso he is mad fucked up his parents were rich chaebols who never gave him any attention, he grew up having anger issues but music was his big passion and it was supposed to safe his life. he was gna debut as a member of a bg but days after he got announced his rep got ruined due to a noncon sex tape. he got sent off to la for damage control and now lives off of his parents money. genuinely very sad and full of self loathing, will get drunk nd insert himself into bar fights bc he feels like he deserves to get kicked but also bc he wants to feel something. does a lot of drugs and avoids all physical contact with ppl at all costs bc hes scared of hurting them. big fat sad self hating mess who doesnt deserve what i put him through. good boy who makes a lot of bad decisions. ex-druggie mess. capable of a lot of love but wont allow himself to give it to anyone bc all he does is destroy things. enjoy him.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Opposites Attract

Summary: When Grayson, the dreamer and Y/N, the realist finally get their chance of a life together, they’ll soon realize that although opposites attract, being polar opposites is only perfect on paper. Can they make it work or will their almost epic romance remain just that; an almost.

Warnings: fluff, angst, swearing, implied smut

Word count: 26.8k+

Author’s note - This can be a standalone, but I highly suggest you read Polar Opposites first if you haven’t already. A big thanks to everyone who read/reblogged or sent any kind of feedback on the first one, because I really didn’t expect it to be so well received. I’m really nervous about posting this, so I hope you like it. It’s a longer one, so settle in and get a snack. Enjoy!

She pulls the pillow closer to her chest, gnawing on her bottom lip. Grayson doesn't even look up, choosing to stare at his fidgety fingers in his lap instead. Neither know how to verbalize what they feel, both feeling suffocated and troubled by everything.

"Maybe we were wrong." Y/N says quietly, taking a few short breaths in order to stop a choked sob from escaping her lips. Grayson looks up with furrowed eyebrows, torn about his own feelings and now the words coming from her mouth.

"Maybe we're just too different to make this work." She finished her initial statement, resting her chin on the purple pillow in her grasp to avoid Grayson's gaze.

Silence settles, finding a way to crack their hearts and the sound of their broken hearts shattering on the ground is almost deafening for Y/N to take. Instead of remaining quiet as Grayson is, she continues to speak in hopes of him talking her out of this. She wants him to be the dreamer she met, the same guy who wouldn't let her walk away from everything they've built without a fight. But he doesn't seem to be that guy anymore.

He doesn't seem to be her Grayson.

"Opposites attract on paper, but how often do those stories have a happy ending? Were we wrong from the start?"

It's probably best we rewind a little and take this story back where we left off?

It's been five hours since she got on the plane, still feeling the ghost of Grayson's kiss upon her dry lips. With her eyes closed, the memory of yesterday unfolds again and again while her heart helplessly aches for the man she left behind. She licks her lips once, twice, and takes three deep breaths to calm her sorrowful mind. If she were to let her thoughts about Grayson run wild, she'd never dry her eyes. It's ridiculous how deeply he had touched her soul and how that very soul burned with a desire to be by his side once more. It's almost unbearable, the distance growing every moment she spends in the air.

While she clung to the lingering scent of Grayson's cologne on the clothes he let her borrow, Grayson was anxiously waiting for her to land. Of course, do to her location and two different connective flights, Grayson knew it would take her almost an entire day to get home and be in a good position to contact him. He worried if her head still hurt or if her stitches came undone. He worried if her scraped hands could carry the duffel bag she dragged alongside her. He worried if she might be cold or if she's feeling lonely. Hell, he even worried if she's hungry or thirsty.

Needless to say, Grayson's been driving his older brother insane with his constant questions about her well-being that have long stopped being only inside his head, but became very vocal and outspoken.

The first thing he did after coming home was to get her information out of his desk and make sure he followed her on both Twitter and Instagram, adding her on Snapchat and putting her number and e-mail in his phone. The next thing was to find the plane she was supposed to be on and follow the progress online. The third was to walk in circles around the home he shared with his brother, cleaning and cooking to keep himself busy.

That's how he found it.; her purple, leather jacket.

Grayson practically screamed once he realized what he's holding, turning it over quickly a couple of times to make sure he didn't mistake it for his own jacket. However, the jacket in his hands is a couple sizes too small for him and the clear rips over the elbow area signaled it's hers.

He thought he put it in her bag. He was almost certain about it and the fact that he didn't ticked him off immediately. Not only did her ruin it when she fell, but now he felt like he stole it from her as well.

Despite the guilt washing over him, Grayson brings her jacket to his nose, inhaling her scent. His lips spread, the corners twitching upwards to form a wide smile once he feels her perfume still lingers. And he no longer feels guilty, but happy over this little accident.

This way, he can still hold her. He can still be near her for a while.

Although he knew it would take her some time to respond, Grayson sent her his very first message. He held up the leather jacket by his face and gave her his best 'Oops' face, sending the photo with a short message.

Accidentally became a thief. I swear I didn't do it on purpose. When you can, please let me know you're safe.

Almost twenty hours later, a small ping had distracted him from filming a new video and Ethan didn't even try to hide his dissatisfied groan at the lack of focus his brother displayed that entire day.

"I'm going to smash it, bro. Just try and answer it." Ethan deepened his voice, trying to seem calm and collected with a threatening tone which only reaffirmed what Grayson refers to as his 'cool voice'.

Grayson, however, didn't care about what his brother had to say. He heard a damn ping, one out of many that came through since she left and although not one of those pings were actually from her, he was convinced that this particular ping is. No threat or violent smack at the top of his head would stop him from checking his phone.

He stood up abruptly, crossing the room in three quick strides to grab his phone. Unlocking it, his eyes lit up at the Lil Birdie message on his Snapchat. He was still deciding if he should call her his Lil Birdie or Sunshine, but for now, Lil Birdie lighting up his screen will be the phrase to make his heart hammer inside his chest.

Safe and sound. If you're free, maybe we can video chat? Just a few minutes, because I'm dead and ready to sleep.

His eyes widen, unaware how his precious Y/N is barely awake on the other side of the world, struggling to keep her eyes open in case he's able to talk.

She taps her fingers nervously at the back of her phone, gnawing on the inside left corner of her bottom lip until a ringing sound scares her and her heart rate skyrockets. With a shaky finger, she taps the green phone icon on her display and lifts the phone up just a little above face level to hide her double chin from Grayson.

No need for him to see that, she thought.

"Miss me already?" Grayson drags out his words, accentuating the last part, smirking when she rolls her eyes at him only a second into their conversation.

"Don't be so cocky, Grayson." She warns with a playful tone, pursing her lips ever so slightly. She has no idea how happy her outspoken, no - holding - back way of talking makes him. She's reserved with everyone outside her inner circle and hearing her talk back or roll her eyes at him openly gives him life.

"I can't believe you forgot to pack my jacket. I mean, sure it's ruined now, but I hoped to fix it. It's literally my favorite piece of clothing. I adore it." She gushes, her voice getting deeper and more desperate with every word she spoke and Grayson couldn't help but feel his insides melt with the sheer passion in her tone. If she speaks that way about an item as trivial as a jacket, he could only imagine how good it would feel to hear her talk about him once she officially gives him her heart.

"Sorry, Lil Birdie. It will be waiting for you when you come back, 'kay? I promise I'll keep it." Grayson crosses his index and third finger to signify a promise and she presses her lips together before sighing.

"More reason for me to come back, then." She forces a smile, her eyes half closed and Grayson finally realizes she's barely holding on to her waking state. But she's doing it for him and that gives him a sense of pride, like he matters. He matters and not just to anyone, but to her.

"Thank you for calling me. I really only expected a text. Get some sleep, Lil Birdie." Though his words are meant to get her to sleep and feel better, his heart wishes her to refuse and stay a little longer.

She does too. It's like saying goodbye to him is becoming an ongoing torture and all she wants to do is grab him by his face and put her lips on his. But she can't, so she just nods. When she nods, blows him a kiss and turns the camera off, Grayson felt his heart sink a little and his face dropped.

Y/N fell asleep almost instantly, Grayson still on her mind. Grayson, however, spent the next few hours filming the end to their video with her on his mind. All he wanted was to wrap her up in his arms and feel her heart beating against his chest. But he couldn't.

Once he all but collapsed on his bed, sleeping alone felt foreign to him. In one night, Y/N managed to crawl into every part of his life and now everything reminded him of her and how he wanted her with him.

Everything, even sleeping in his bed.

He turned on the lights and hugged a pillow to his chest, finding a fading scent of her perfume could still be felt on his sheets. And with the comfort of her smell, Grayson's mind drifts to her face and slowly falls asleep.

"So my parents freaked out." She giggles, rubbing her eyes like she just woke up despite it being four o'clock in the afternoon.

"Can't blame them. I did run you over with my car and then made you miss your flight." Grayson's index finger lingers on his chin, his cheeks puffing before he exhales and drags his lips into a Joker type of grin.

"And you stole my jacket!" She reminds him, shifting the phone in her hand to get better lighting and provide her man with a better image of her to memorize. Despite knowing he's enthralled by her, she's undeniably insecure about her looks. It's a constant fear that Grayson will finally see all the faults she sees in herself and run for the hills, leaving her in the dust.

"You'll never let that go, will you?" Grayson suppresses a groan, biting the right corner of his bottom lip gently.

"It just happened yesterday!" Y/N exclaims, chuckling and though he tries to hide the way her laugh makes his heart flutter, a bright smile creeps up to his lips and betrays every little thing she does to him.

And she really does things to him.

"I promise to make it up to you." Grayson winks and quirks his right eyebrow suggestively.

Y/N blushes with the dirty thoughts flooding her mind, imagining every possible way he could make it up to her, but quickly shakes her head to stop the oncoming hurricane of emotions. Thinking about being so close to him again caused her skin to hurt, not just her heart.

"I'm gonna hold you to that, Dolan." She smirks, returning his wink with a sexier version as her lips part ever so slightly in the process. Grayson's jaw drops and he's forced to lick his lips to keep his desires inside only. It's too soon to openly talk about sex, he decides.

"I can't wait to see you again." He whispers, dropping his head on the pillow behind him and sighs.

"Right back at you." She smiles softly.

A distant shout is heard on her side of the line and she frowns, looking away from the camera and to her right.

"Eto me za minutu! (In a minute!)" She shouts back in her native tongue and Grayson can't help but think her talking in a foreign language (foreign to him, at least) is ridiculously hot. It makes her that much more attractive in his eyes and he never knew that would be a turn on. Thanks to Y/N, Grayson's learning new things about himself as well and that's never a bad thing.

"You gotta go?" He asks sweetly, his forehead wrinkling and eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly that she wishes to be by his side to smooth the skin over with her fingertips' gentle touch.

"Yeah. I'll text you before going to bed, again." Her face falls and her lips quiver for split second. It's such a small change in her behavior that many would overlook and yet, Grayson finds himself becoming an expert in reading Y/N Y/L/N. It's because he cares about her. It's because he wants to know every little thing that goes through her mind and keep her thoughts and dreams to himself, for safe keeping. He wants to share her burdens and let her feel alright again. It's no wonder he keeps a lookout for any movement she makes, no matter how small or insignificant it seems.

"I'll probably text you a hundred times before that." Grayson smiles, knowing he has to let her go and face the black screen of his phone again.

"I know." She responds, sending him a kiss and ending the chat.

What she didn't know is that every kiss she sent, Grayson caught in his hand and brought it to his lips, hoping for the ghost kisses to turn into real ones someday soon.

No one knows what distance means until you're forced to part with someone dear to your heart.

For Grayson, it was a loneliness in every waking hour, even when he's surrounded by people around the clock.

For Y/N, it was like each tick of the clock brought a new ache to her heart, like scar tissue burning with desire to be whole once more.

They longed for each other night and day, talking and texting 24/7.

They began to dread a possibility of Y/N not getting into UCLA, though neither voiced those concerns. No, they were far too involved in studying each other's faces and listening to every sound they'd make.

Y/N found herself falling for Grayson's unusually booming laughter and that wheeze that came with it when he truly found something so hilarious he could hardly breathe and despite it being selfish and weird, she liked being the reason behind that wheeze.

Grayson decided he's entranced by the way she purses her lips and raises her eyebrows whenever she schools him, proving she's right. He loved how brilliant her ideas for their videos are, but so did Ethan. They were already filming a video based on her ideas and it was the first out of three they would make. He could only imagine what it would be like when she joined them for real.

But the wait was torture.

Until it wasn't.

"I got in!" She squealed into the phone, jumping in place as Grayson ran through the house toward Ethan screaming the good news in a way Ethan was sure their entire neighborhood knew it too.

Once they calmed down enough to talk, they couldn't stop their dopey smiles from shining through and they both thought the same thing: we'll be together soon.

"Not only did I get into UCLA, but the dorm too and that's so hard to get into! I can't believe it's actually happening. Like I'm actually going to be there!" Her excited tone made Grayson happy, so undeniably happy for her.

But there was one issue.

"Dorm? You're not going to live here with me and E.?" Grayson questions, a little defensive and definitely shocked by this portion of the news he didn't see coming. He was so sure she'd stay with him and he'd be able to drive her to and from classes whenever she needed him. He wanted her to take up that spot in his bed that he'd stare at every night wishing she was there with him, the same spot he deemed hers from the start. He expected her to at least want to live with him, to try. And he's aware how completely insane his feelings are, how overwhelming they might be for her so he tones it down to a minimum, knowing he'll scare her off if he's too aggressive with the image of their future he's had in his mind for a while now.

Ever since the Psychic twins told him he's going to meet his soulmate on camera and that she'll be his polar opposite off camera, he was skeptical.

But then he met her.

Y/N Y/L/N rocked his world and turned it upside down and he didn't care that she did, because he never felt more alive. He never felt more convinced that this girl really was the one. She wasn't like the ones from his past that would delude him into believing there was something true there. She is ice to his fire as he is light to her darkness.

"It would be too weird. I mean, your fans would find out fast and I just don't want you to have to explain everything. Also, I'd really like to experience living on my own, with my own expenses instead of munching off you. Last thing I need is to depend on someone when I'm over there and I just really wanna do this on my own. We'll still see each other all the time." She reasons with him, and her reasons sound legitimate. It's all true, but Grayson wants more. He respects her and her decisions, but he doesn't want her to struggle when she moves. He wants her to have money to live comfortably at least and he wants her to focus on her studies instead of a part time job she'd barely earn anything doing or one where people would be horrible to her. What he wanted for her is to live this dream and to get a chance to do all the things she wanted to do.

It's when he formulated a plan. Well, two plans to be exact and both made to specifically allow him to take care of her and her not knowing it. It would be his secret, slightly shameful, but his actions are driven with good intentions.

It's also the first of many mistakes he'll make that would lead them astray and push them apart more than any of the outside forces they'll deal with.

"Yeah. That's great. Got my full support." He smirked.

"But you should apply to a couple of foundations that help international students with their money issues." He suggests slyly, awaiting for her reaction but only getting a small shrug for his efforts.

"They usually ask for something in return after college and I'm not sure I can deliver."

"I know a few from my friends and they don't ask for anything but good grades. I'll send you some names." Grayson smiles, already texting his manager.

Set up a fake foundation for me to fund an international student and make sure it can't be traced back to me.

"Hey! I'm about to leave and I wanted to give you a heads up. I know you have all my flight info packed away in that beautiful mind of yours, but I also know you tend to forget stuff from time to time. So! Here's a reminder to buy that horde of baby ducks you were talking about to prank Ethan and don't forget to take your antihistamines first in case you run into some other animals in the shop! And don't forget you have to see the doctor about that sinus infection and make sure it cleared up, okay? I'll be there in a day to help you survive. Oh, and please keep the ducks somewhere so I can pet them!"

Y/N took a deep breath, looking at her tearful parents and older sibling, her heart breaking in two. This country, no matter how bad is still her home. It's where she grew up and it's where she became the person she is. Yes, she might be rough around the edges, but she's most definitely not a bad person. Quite the opposite. She's good and kind and Grayson is slowly, but surely helping that side of her be seen more than ever before.

"Sjeti se šta smo te učili i ne brini za nas. Ponosni smo na tebe. A sad idi i osvoji svijet...I momka. (Remember what we taught you and don't worry about us. We're proud of you. Now go and take on the world...And get the boy)." Her mother caressed her cheek, swallowing tears to maintain a brave face for her daughter.

It's incredibly hard to send your children out into the world and have faith the world won't destroy them. It's every day of praying for their safe return and for the darkness to leave them alone. It's daunting and it's something Y/N never thought she'd be able to do because of how strong her family ties are. But sometimes it's good for a soul to do something so daring, so out of the box that will awaken it and give it more context.

Hugging all three of them tightly twice over, Y/N grabbed her suitcase and duffel bag, and headed through security and toward her future. She looked back with tears in her eyes, choked sobs making her feel like she can hardly breathe. But once she's on the plane, looking at the clouds and the vast blue skies, she found serenity.

I'll be with him soon.

Grayson paced around the airport, trying to fight his nerves and excitement as he knew she would be walking to him any second now and he'd finally have her in his arms for the first time in months. All Grayson wants is to wrap his arms around her and see her smiling back at him without a screen and thousands of miles separating them.

Not long after, passengers started filling out and Grayson stops dead in his tracks, searching for her face in the crowd. He's almost desperate, his heart beating erratically with desire, a want, a carnal need to see her. Just to feel her near him would be enough soul food for Grayson to live off for a few more months, but he didn't have to. Not anymore. He'll get to see her every day now and there were no words to describe how that fact makes him feel.

"Go get her luggage and I'll get her." He tells his brother, finally remembering his brother came with him to help take her things home all the while giving them some alone time to catch up on everything.

"Got it!" Ethan exclaims, pocketing his phone and leaving.

Just as Ethan left, Grayson thought of her changing her mind last second in fear. And just as the thought crossed his mind, she came into view.

Her hair is messy and loose, her tank top a bright pink color and her leggings black because she thinks they make her seem skinny. There's a book in her right hand, a duffel bag over her shoulder and Grayson simply feels his heart steady and fall in place. He knows he is exactly where he's meant to be and nothing and no one can convince him otherwise.

She stuffed the book into her bag, looking up seemingly lost for a moment. Grayson itched to get her attention, but couldn't make himself move. He was frozen in place, not moving even when others brushed his shoulder as they passed him. But then her eyes find his and the noise and people around them fade.

Her eyes widen and her smile, the same one Grayson craved for, makes a momentary appearance before the shock wipes it away. Instead of smiling, her lips part as a small gasp leaves her lips and her eyes gaze into Grayson's. Their mutual initial shock lifts and Y/N moves forward, stumbling almost for a few steps until her legs drive her to move faster and faster, sprinting in Grayson's direction. She throws her bag on the ground and Grayson bends his knees, spreads his arms; all in preparation for what he saw coming.

Y/N jumps, her arms wrapping around his neck and her legs wrapping around his waist. Grayson grunts at the impact, stumbling back a step from the force. His arms circle around her lower back, holding her up.

Spinning around, they finally get that feeling they've been searching for. It's the beating of two hearts synchronizing as if it's a single one. It's the breathing where every breath they take is solely so they can use it to tell each other how much they care and how happy they are.

From the sidelines, it looked as if two reunited after years of being apart and they weren't wrong. Every day they spent away from each other felt like a year had passed in their hearts. Hell, even years they didn't know one another were counted in as the time they spent without each other; wasted time. Time they were aimlessly searching for someone to fill the void inside them, but failed every time. Time that convinced them real love is out of reach, especially Y/N. Grayson hasn't quite gotten there yet, but he would have without her. She turned into a comet that flashed through his entirely dark skies after a loss he suffered that every kid dreads from the moment they learn what mortality and death are. She turned his sky so bright, so damn bright he knew there was nothing to fear because the darkness will never swallow him. Not with her hand in his.

Y/N tries to speak, but her voice falters into unintelligible croaks. She wants to tell him she loves him, that he somehow managed to take her heart with him that day they met in the craziest way possible, but she doesn't know if her words are believable yet and she's afraid it will sound hollow. She's afraid of hurting him, even though she knows he feels the same; but she never spoke such heavy words to another man and now might be a little premature. So, she holds her tongue and smiles, watching happy tears collect in Grayson's eyes.

"I love you." But then he whispers those same words in her ear, his hand tangled in the dreadful mess of her hair and his nose buried in the nape of her neck. He inhales her scent, shamelessly moaning at the sensation. He had missed her smell and with the risk of sounding insane and creepy, he still couldn't hide the satisfaction it brought him. The jacket long lost her scent and he had to wash his sheets eventually, but this...this was a whole new fix.

Y/N moves her head back, furrowing her brows in question before vocalizing her thoughts.

"You mean that?" Her voice is soft, vulnerable. Grayson licks his lips, titling his head slightly to his left before giving her a genuine smile with an honest answer.

"I really do, Lil Birdie. I love you." He repeats his statement, noticing her eyes water with his admission.

When her hand touches his face he keeps his gaze away, unwilling to risk rejection. With her fingers on his chin, she turns his head so he can see that there is no judgement in her eyes, only love.

"I love you too, Grayson Bailey Dolan. God help me, but I really, really do."

He leaned in a little closer, their foreheads touching.

She unwrapped her legs from his waist, touching ground with her own two feet, forcing Grayson to bend down, keeping their intimate touch still while she moves her hands to his face. His hand drifted to her hip. It settled there and pulled her closer. She inhaled sharply, relaxing against his warm chest, chiseled to perfection. She splayed her hand against it, intending to push him away in a small panic when her inner voice screamed he'll break her heart, but instead she left it there, ignoring the darkness from within. She wants to believe in Grayson and she wants to believe that opposites really do attract and they won't come crashing down in heartbreak.

Grayson's breathing quickened as did hers. His head was angled slightly to the side as his lips came closer and closer to hers. She was surprised to find her own lips parted, craving the touch of his lips upon hers. Their breaths mingled. Her heart fluttered inside her chest. At first, it was a delicate butterfly of a kiss, like he's afraid she's but a dream he conjured in his mind. Like a stronger touch might break her. When she doesn't move away, but gives into his touch, Grayson smiles into the kiss before allowing his arms to encircle her.

He drew her to him so there was no distance left between them, their lips finding each other in a kiss that stopped their minds from working. This kiss was desperate, passionate, one meant to compensate for months of not being together. Neither cared about the people around them, nor flashing cameras although they truly didn't even notice them.

All they had until now were memories of a single day and single kiss that served as their salvation and their torment. Grayson recounted that day every night in his mind, scared it would be the only day he'd have with her. He dedicated his life to being with her from the moment of that first kiss, for he knew that if he lost her he would lose himself. He knew Y/N's right; all realists were dreamers once and losing her would make him one. She was the half that made him whole and together they were a force to be reckoned with.

Barely able to separate, Y/N's the first to step back gasping for air. Grayson groans lowly at the loss of contact, his hands stopping her from moving too far. They're both out of breath, their lips swollen and spread into two entirely different smiles. Y/N's struggling with her shyness, wondering if a public make out session is appropriate since she's never done it before. She's never been a fan of PDA, but with Grayson it's almost impossible to keep her hands to herself.

Well, she could but why would she want to? He's perfection and the way her stomach flips whenever he looks her way is enough for her to ditch reason and allow him to do as he pleases with her.

Grayson's smile is different. It's wide and dopey, cocky and tempting. He's watching her cheeks redden and a sense of accomplishment takes root because he did that! He made the ice queen melt with a kiss of his lips and she's melted into him.

"So where's Ethan?!" Y/N clears her throat awkwardly, making Grayson narrow his eyes and raise his left eyebrow. But he can tell she needs to normalize them being together now, that she needs a change in the pace of their closeness and he doesn't take it personally. It's how she is; pulling you in with one hand and pushing with the other and it's not because she doesn't love him, because she does! She told him she does and it's more than he ever expected and a part of him is convinced he's dreamed this entire day up, but he didn't. She simply needs to take things slow, but as long as she's taking things slowly WITH him, he's completely okay with that. No matter what happens, he'll be there for her.

"He grabbed your bags and will take them home, so we got a little bit of time to ourselves." Grayson winks suggestively, making her purse her lips, biting the inside of them to stop herself from smiling as a surge of heat in her cheeks warns her she's probably as red as a tomato by now.

"Um, I'm supposed to take those bags to my dorm. Remember? I need to check in and all or I'll lose my spot. I can't lose my spot, Grayson." She tries to remain calm and collected, stopping herself from yelling at him like she did that first day they met. However, she's also a worrier by nature and Grayson knows that which is why she cannot, for the life of her, understand why he'd send Ethan and her bags to his house instead of letting her settle in immediately.

"I know! Which is why I'll drive you to check in and then to get something to eat and we can take a walk on the beach before I take you back to my house. I swear I'll help you move into your dorm tomorrow after class and whatever else you need, just let me have you with me this one night." Grayson uses his hold on her hips to gently sway her left and right, waiting for her stubbornness to fade and her pursed lips and pointed looks turn to a puddle of love he loved to see in her.

She releases a shaky breath, looking up briefly as if she's questioning a higher force why she's about to give in, but when her eyes move back to Grayson they hold no resentment nor resistance. All they hold is that same love Grayson wanted to see her look at him with and it's like all his dreams just came true.

"Alright! Let's get moving then!" She taps her hands on his chest, signaling to let her go and move, but he just groans once more and leans in to rest his forehead on hers, stilling her for a moment longer. He holds his position for exactly twenty seconds, he counted.

"Now I'm ready." He says quietly, loud enough so only Y/N can hear him.

She slides her hands down, moving his big ones from her hips and takes his right one in her left, leaving his left one vacant so he can grab her things. She pulls him along, watching his awestruck smile and warm eyes looking only at her like she's the only woman in the world and it makes her both happy and scared. Happy because she's blessed with a man like Grayson to adore her so much, but scared because it's a responsibility to keep that look steady for as long as she lives. Scared because he's putting her on a pedestal where she doesn't belong. And scary because she's afraid the initial chemical reactions that made him desire her will fade and he'll finally see her for who she is and she won't be as interesting enough, or pretty enough or enough in general.

It's a paralyzing fear and she's fighting it every second of every minute of every hour since she met him. She's fighting it for him, because if she lets it win, even for a moment, she'd lose him. She'd self-destruct and destroy everything as she has done in the past, but Grayson's too important to lose. She's grown too attached to him and it's like he's become her heart, letting her feel everything she was afraid to feel. Her heart's been a bird without the wings to fly, but then Grayson came in and gave her his wings and she'd been flying ever since.

So, yes. She's afraid to lose him just as much as she'd afraid of being with him.

With Grayson's arm around her shoulders, her arm wrapped around the small of his back, they walked out together, talking about her flight and how her goodbye with the family went. She's been so engrossed in their talk that she completely failed to notice when Grayson stopped, arriving at his car at last. She turned her head to see why they stopped, her eyes popping once she saw the car.

"That's not a Bronco!" She exclaimed, letting go of Grayson, much to his dismay. Yes, he's clingy, but it's only because he feels like he's finally in one piece since she arrived.

"Yeah. Got a new one." Grayson chuckles at her amazement. He watches her circle the car with her entire body rigid in excitement and her hands running through her hair repeatedly until the mess on her hair became a compliment in comparison to what it turned into. But he didn't care. In his eyes, every little thing about her, even her crazy hair, is another thing to love.

"If you ran me over with this, I'd be dead now. Dude, it's a baby blue Porsche! MY FAVORITE COLOR AND MY DREAM CAR!" She shouts, doing a few stationary jumps, her hands clasped together around her mouth and nose to keep herself in check before people start staring at her.

"Did you just call me dude?" Grayson laughs in disbelief, taking a few steps closer to her. It's like gravity, she moves and he moves with her. The further she stands, the more he feels inclined to orbit around her. Y/N would argue Grayson is the Sun, but he knows that's not true. She's the Sun he orbits around, not the other way around.

"Yes. Yes, I did! When did you get this car, you filthy rich dude?!" She reaches out, her fingertips touching the hood before she retracts her hand as if she touched something sacred.

"I told you I got a new car. I even took a photo! We did a video with it!" Grayson's voice turned louder, matching her excited tone and Y/N's jaw slacked until her mouth opened.

"I didn't see any of it because I've been so disconnected from the internet. I kinda used every moment I could to just be with the people in my life. I was perfectly satisfied with my screen time with you without YouTube's helP." She pops the P at the end of her defense, touching the car with her index finger once more before stepping back.

She spins in her spot, grinning from ear to ear and Grayson can't help but stare at her. Though he already knew it, this only confirmed his love for her. He also couldn't deny that he getting a car that happens to be her dream car was anything but a coincidence. It had to have been some divine intervention and he didn't mind it one bit.

"Come on, Birdie. Get in." He unlocks the car, opening her door and she stops for a moment, just pondering.

Out of nowhere, her hand found the back of his neck and it pulled him down fast and effectively toward her face. Her lips pressed against his. She captured his bottom lip between her teeth, giving it a small bite before letting go and ducking inside the car where she literally started petting the interior; the dash included.

Grayson shook his head, his heart still recovering from the unexpected gesture on her behalf and one he very much welcomed anytime. Closing her door, he dropped her bag in the back and moved to his side. He got in, putting his seatbelt on and checking her if she did too. Satisfied once he sees she's already prepared for the drive, Grayson stops and presses his lips together in hopes of muffling a laugh that wanted to escape him when he saw her petting the dash lovingly with actual heart eyes.

"Yes, I'm petting the dash! I'm in love with this car, so let me love it! Don't judge me!" She exclaimed without shame, glancing at her red in the face man and furrowing his brows.

"You love my car more than me." Grayson whines, making Y/N send him a quick glare.

"On that note, you do realize we exchanged I love you's without actually being together. Like, that's weird for you too, right?" Her proclamation of love for the car might have been without shame, but this particular question brought changes on her face. She quirked her right eyebrow and her nostrils flared with a sharp intake of breath she took once her brain caught up with her tongue and she realized what she just asked him.

"Not if you consider I've been sort of married to you in my mind since the moment I looked into your pretty doe eyes for the first time." Grayson says something even more cringe to help alleviate her sudden surge of panic and he can tell she visibly relaxes when her lips curl into a small smile and a tiny nod of her head lets him know she's not freaked out by his advanced thinking.

"Stop saying things like that! I don't know how to reply to these things!" She whines, covering her face like she only just now realized what he said and Grayson gave up on stifling his laugh. He lets his booming laugh turn to a giggle before he's glancing at her with a surprised look on his face.

"Stop what?" His voice is high pitched and soft, making her gnaw on the inside of her cheeks, still hiding from his eyes under the palms of her hands.

"Compliments? Babe, you gotta learn to accept compliments and actually believe in them. I'm a compliment machine and you'll be getting them all the time. Love my cheesiness, damn it!" His tone is playful and his words promising, only making her chest grow uncomfortably small with that pesky heart of hers growing in size from his proximity. It's like he wants to drive her crazy, because that's how she feels around him. Crazy and in love. So, so in love that she has trouble understanding any of it.

"Dokrajčit' ćeš me. (You'll be the death of me.)" She mutters under her breath in her native tongue, making Grayson smile, licking his lips.

"You sound so sexy whenever you speak in your native tongue." He points out and she sees him smirking in the corner of her eye. She's flustered and her body's burning up, but he knows it and she knows he knows that she knows this. He wants to make her feel this way.

Instead of replying and giving him the satisfaction of responding to his teasing, she pretends she didn't hear him and turns up the volume, singing along and Grayson's quick to join in, allowing her to take this as her victory and hides it under the mat.

Grayson listens to her as if her words are golden, watches her like every move she makes is award worthy. He is always thinking so deeply, already with a strategy that's several moves ahead of what she's capable of to make sure he can offer reassurement, compliments, jokes, anything she might need. And in his words there is a kindness, a concern that is so quick that, for him, it is natural. This attentiveness is a part of who he is and that is, if she's being honest, the most attractive feature she's seen in a man for quite some time. It's one of the many reasons why she loves him. Why he's the only man she's ever loved and is absolutely certain has her heart.

She's staring at him, just like she did that day he drove her to the airport. The difference is, she's not staring because she thinks she might never see him again, but because she's struggling to grasp that he's a real, living, breathing, heart-beating human being and that he's interested in loving her out of millions of girls who'd drop everything for him.

Why her? Why is she so special and why can't she see it for herself?

"Like what you see", Grayson asks, not hiding his cocky attitude and Y/N leans her temple on the leather seat of the car and smiles.

"Yeah. The view's pretty great." She decides to feed his ego, giving him something to boast about because no matter how many times she rolls her eyes when he says things like that, she actually loves it. She loves how confident he is, how sure he is and not just about his body, but about every aspect of his life. She admires him for it.

"Too bad we're here. Want me to drive around the block to prolong it?" He parks the car, turning to her with a sexy smirk, his right cheek slightly puffed from it but his face changed fast and his eyes closed shut before he sneezed so loud, effectively erasing his bad boy vibe.

"Bless you." She chuckles, fishing out a tissue from her handbag and Grayson hesitates, looking at her awkwardly.

"What?!" She furrows her eyebrows, her eyes moving from the tissue in his hand and the weird look in his eyes.

"I kind of don't want to blow my nose in front of you." Grayson says nervously, talking nasally because the need to blow his nose is so dire he's forced to breathe through his mouth.

Y/N rolls her eyes and shifts in her seat to face him properly.

"You do realize you blowing your nose in front of me will in no way change my feelings for you. You have allergies and you'll get colds and I don't care. It's human and you're human and I want to be there with you no matter which of these human things get you first. Blow you nose, Apollo and meet me inside, okay?" Her voice is soft and sweet, reassuring with the perfect amount of sass and very, very honest. 

She gives him privacy for this time, letting him blow his nose until it's dry. He's grateful to have her and he appreciates her giving him time to feel free to be disgusting in front of her. He's nervous that she'll see the worst parts of him and that she might not like what she sees. He doesn't want to risk her leaving him. Not until he's cemented himself in her life and she's basically so in love with him that a little booger won't bother her.

Y/N feels her heart race as she walks in, glancing back at the baby blue Porsche to see Grayson's face covered with that tissue and it makes her smile. In a way, he's insecure too and she made herself a promise right then and there; she'll take those insecurities away and convince him there's nothing he can do that would make her want to leave.

Cheating and abuse are the only things she can't handle, everything else can be worked on and for him, she'd work on it.

She walks through the heavy wooden doors, going up to the reception with a well-rehearsed smile on her lips and a few papers she took out of her bag.

"Hi. I'm Y/N Y/L/N and I'm here to check in and get my room key for the on-campus dorm." She rehearsed this statement a million times in her head, her anxiety crafting the right words to say so she doesn't sound unintelligent or improper.

"Just a moment." The man says, typing something in his computer. He asks her to repeat her name and types it in as well, while she's shifting from one foot to another, looking back to the door for Grayson who has yet to come in. She's got her mask back on, but she hates it. She wants to be free and comfortable as she is with Grayson. But whenever she's alone, she's not herself in public. It's always her anxiety that gets her, making her sweat and her heart to pound with every interaction especially when it's something as important as school officials.

"I'm sorry, but you're not on the list." The man informs her and her eyes practically bulge out of her skull. She shakes her head, trying to grasp what he's telling her.

"What? How? It must be a mistake. You sent me confirmation last month via e-mail." She shows the copy of the e-mail to the man, biting the inside of her lip hard enough to stop a string of swear words to leave her mouth. She tastes the metallic taste of blood under the tip of her tongue, ignoring it as the man re-checks and gives her the same answer.

"It says cancelled." He tells her which only confuses her more.

"How is it cancelled? I didn't cancel! There must be a spot left for me. Please?" She pushes, hearing the door open and the creak before it closes behind her, but she doesn't turn around.

"I'm sorry, but everything's filled. Try again next year." He says and she grabs her papers angrily, walking past Grayson and through the door. She stuffs the papers in her bag, allowing her hands to get lost in her hair as the stress makes her implode.

"What happened?!" Grayson follows her, watching her pace on the sidewalk like she's losing her mind and he feels guilty. He feels guilty because he went behind her back and cancelled her room. He did it so they can be together more and to save her from crazy roommates, so she doesn't have to listen to them having sex in the bed next to her and so she can study in peace.

"I'm not on the list. There was some kind of a mistake and they already gave my room to someone else. What the hell am I supposed to do now?!" She talks fast, stumbling over her words and a hint of an accent comes out with them.

Grayson jumps, grabbing her elbows and steadies her. He cups her face, forcing her to look up and into his eyes before he brushes his nose against hers, hearing her heavy sigh right after.

"You will live with me and Ethan. We don't mind. Your stuff is already there and if you want a room for yourself, we'll make it work." Grayson offers, watching her already shake her head.

"It's so far from campus, Gray." But he cuts her off.

"I'll wake up every morning and drive you to class and pick you up after. Okay? Don't worry, Birdie. I got you." He smiles widely to help her relieve the worry now etched in every line of her face.

"I'm so lucky to have you." She buries her face in his chest, hugging him as tightly as possible and Grayson's smile fades when he hugs her back. His guilt is growing with every moment she worries or feels like a burden and he hates himself for what he did. Because now, he knows that he didn't do it for her, but for himself. He did a selfish thing and if she ever found out, his fear of losing her might be justified.

"I love you, Y/N. I'll do anything for you." And he would, which is exactly why he hates himself now. But he'll make sure she doesn't feel the consequences and if she wants a dorm next year, he won't protest and he definitely won't sabotage her.

"No more sappiness. You promised me food and some beach time, so let's do it!" Y/N pushes the palms of her hands into Grayson's chest, helping herself detach from him before her brave persona disappears and she gives into the tears that she's swallowing.

"Mm'kay. C'mon." Grayson pecks her forehead, opening her door again and letting her in first. He wanted her to know he'd be there and he'd be a proper gentlemen for her. He doesn't voice it, but he's just happy she's willing to let him open her doors because many girls don't allow it anymore, claiming he's taking their 'independence', when all he really wants is to show respect and appreciation.

She doesn't say anything either, because she loves that he's willing to treat her so well. For the longest time, she was sure gentlemen and manors are extinct. Not anymore.

"What do you want to eat?" Grayson asks, tapping his index fingers on the wheel to the rhythm of the music.

"Umm...Fries? Doesn't really matter, as long as it's gluten free." She says, making Grayson turn to her abruptly with furrowed eyebrows. He didn't realize she was the type.

"Sure." He mumbles under his breath, now making Y/N look at him with questions bubbling up in her mind.

"What?" Her voice is softer and high pitched, a little defensive as well.

"Just didn't think you're the type to avoid gluten. It's not the plague, ya know?" He remarks, forcing Y/N to shake her head in disbelief. She bites her lower lip to stop herself from yelling at him for the second time today. He really did tick her off sometimes.

"You do realize gluten free diets aren't popular for dieting reasons, but because of health issues. To some people, me included, gluten is just as bad as the plague. I'm intolerant and even a grain of wheat will make me very, very sick. Don't judge people for their eating habits, Gray. I didn't peg you as the type." She throws his words back at him, angrily and with no mercy. Her tone's sharp and she aims to kill, just as he's used to and even though she's aiming for him, Grayson can't help but feel content about it. It means she doesn't fabricate anything for his benefit. It means she's straightforward with him and it's more he's ever gotten from any of the girls he's dated in the past.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I just assumed because you had that pizza and cornflakes when you were over last time." Grayson explains, glancing back to the road and to Y/N frequently. He needed to gauge her reaction about everything, because he's become rather comfortable with reading them and deducting what she thinks or feels based on what he sees.

"The box said gluten free and your cereal have the same mark at the back of the bag too." She points out something even he didn't know. He never watched for those marks, only about lactose since he's intolerant and now he feels like an ass for judging her, even for a moment.

"Well, I'm an idiot." He presses his lips together, disappointed in himself.

Y/N turns her head toward him, reaching out with her left hand and letting it rest on his leg, right above his knee. She hears him take a sharp breath at the initial contact, his eyes immediately following her hand as her fingers give him a light squeeze.

"You're not an idiot. Just a little half-cocked. Never judge a book by its covers is a good way to start. I've read the most beautiful books with the ugliest, oldest covers hiding the rich story within. It's never about the way things seem, because there's always more hiding beneath."

They drove slowly, the traffic keeping them cooped up inside longer than Grayson expected. He opened the sunroof, letting the air in and eliciting a smile that showed her chubby cheeks as result. It's empowering to know he can make her smile. It's unbelievably rewarding.

"There's a restaurant right there, by the ocean. Thought you might appreciate it!" Grayson smirks, draping an arm around Y/N as he points to the place he had in mind with his other hand. She nods, wrapping an arm around him too, walking the cement line instead of trudging through sand in her sneakers.

"Love the ocean breeze." She inhales the salty scent of the air around them, closing her eyes and trusting Grayson to lead the way and keep her safe. There's a soft smile on her lips, one of content and pure bliss, something rarely seen upon her face.

"And I love you." Grayson pecks her temple, letting those words out again. She's heard him say it before, but every time he repeats it it's solidifying the first statement, making her head spin with the closeness they've managed to achieve in such a short time. It still makes her skin crawl and her fight or flight system activate, but it also gives her strength to rise above those fears and protect Grayson's heart from the pain. 

Even when she was half a world away, she felt close to him. He's been on her mind during the day and in her dreams during the night. His name is her favorite song and his voice the most heavenly melody. Those brown eyes she tends to get lost in hold so much innocence and purity, genuine emotion and a child-like naivety, which is where her sense of protectiveness comes from. She knows he's too good, too sweet of a heart to see what true evil looks like. He doesn't recognize people who want to use and abuse his kind heart and he'd never retaliate. But she won't let him be used anymore. She won't let them hurt her man. She sees through people a lot better than he does.

"I'm supposed to say it back, right?" She looks up, squinting as the sun hits her face and blinds her to the world. It leaves only a partial image of Grayson in her line of sight, one where he looks like an absolute angel with the light reflecting of his wing shaped earring. And it's a real sight to behold; his beauty is truly stunning, disarming and the sunlight halo leaves her awestruck.

He's a lot like the Sun, with so many people orbiting around him. Some come too close only to be burned by the proximity and others are too far, freezing in the distant shade where his rays don't reach. But some of them are in perfect range, revolving around him in a distance that's perfectly calculated so the heat they feel warms their insides and softens their hardened hearts. He once called her the Sun, but for her he is. He's her Sun.

"That would be a good idea, yeah!" Grayson chuckles. His chuckle is slow and mellow, sweet like honey.

She steps out of his embrace, shifting her body to stand in front of him instead of by his side. She stops his walk, eyebrows raised. Bopping his nose with the tip of her right index finger, Y/N licks her lips and cocks her head to the side.

"Of course I do. I do love you. No matter the distance between us, my attraction to you remains constant. You could be at the ends of the earth like we were even before we met and still I would feel pulled toward you.  I've always felt this pull, like we're magnets, forming our very own magnetic field that lets us have this crazy feelings even we don't understand." She points to his chest and then herself.

"There is something about you and I that matches, each half loving the other so fully that a life alone would be meaningless. So though it is your gorgeous brown eyes, your Apollo tanned skin, your face that I look upon, know that this attraction runs deep to my core. I don't do superficial, I never did. Which is scary, but scary is good. It means this is real. It means I'm aware how deep we've gotten and how incredibly in love I am even though this is only the second time I get to hold your hand." She slips both her hands in his, interlocking their fingers while staring at the way even their hands differ.

His are big, tan, soft and both crowned with bracelets. One's a brand bracelet that gives him sugar daddy vibes and the other is a baby blue one for cancer awareness, the same cancer that took his father's life. His right thumb has a small, faded scar, one that he claims mysteriously appeared and has been there since birth.

Her hands are pale and small, a little rougher than his and her nails aren't manicured like his at all. She wears two rings on her right hand, one on her index finger that her mother gave her with an elvish symbol and one on the finger next to it with a snowflake her sister gave her for good luck.

Their hands are so different, but fit perfectly. With his hand in hers, she felt like anything is possible. She liked the feeling, the notion of what it represented. He made her free from the shackles she thought she'd carry for eternity and though she's still got remains of the wounds they caused and it makes her angry when he can't relate, it's slowly healing. He's slowly healing her.

"You talk like a poet and I feel so dumb and proud at the same time." Grayson smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling, showing those laugh lines that served as proof his life had been a good one. She was happy about that.

"Nah. I'm just showing off. You inspire me." She shrugs, moving to the side and letting his left hand go, but keeping the right one in place.

"I like that."

They finally get to eat, ordering food that helped avoid both of their issues - lactose and gluten. While Grayson snapped their meal, he kept her face out of the shot as he didn't think she'd appreciate him openly telling his fans about them just yet, or at all. Grayson's aware how his fans can be and he wants to, needs to protect her from that exposure. 

Alas, we don't always get what we want.

The moment he logs into twitter, his entire feed is filled with fans FREAKING THE HELL OUT as they wrote themselves. The video and photos of them kissing at the airport went viral, but no one has figured out her identity yet.

He feels the heat rush to his head and a surge of panic take over his heart and lungs. In the grip of silent panic, with wild eyes, pupils dilated, Grayson looks around them. He's scanning the area for anyone with a camera, for anyone pointing at them or possibly staring. He's looking for any warning signs that someone there knows them as they might overwhelm Y/N if they come up to him. She hasn't seen what it means to be his girl, not when his job gets involved.

"You okay, dušo (sweetie)", Y/N uses a nickname in her native tongue. It's literal translation being soul, because that's what she feels he is, a big part of her soul learning only now to be whole.

Grayson chuckles nervously and Y/N can sense the shift in his behavior, noticing his forehead wrinkle at her use of a foreign language. Regardless of his lack of understanding, he reaches out and takes her hand in his, gently rubbing her knuckles with his thumb while giving her a reassuring nod.

"Yeah, just saw the squad chat and noticed they laid out a thousand video ideas." He feels nauseous, on the brink of throwing up. He doesn't want to lie to her, but he doesn't want to ruin today for them. It's enough that he messed with her living arrangements, he didn't want to completely ruin her life, despite her arguing he did exactly that the first time they met.

"Oh. If you want to go home and work on it, I'm totally fine with that." She maintains eye contact with Grayson until he shakes his head vehemently.

"Nope. Beach and sunset after food. I promised you that and I'll keep that promise. I mean, once you start school tomorrow, you might be a bit busy for me and I want to use every moment because time with you is precious." He leans forward, bringing her hand closer to his lips. Pressing his plush pink face pillows on her knuckles, Grayson watches her smile widen. Smitten with her, desperately wishing he could kiss her on the lips instead of just her hand, he moves his head forward and leans his cheek on her hand.

"I feel like I'm going to melt." She whispers, giddy and her eyes glisten with a rush of happy tears, a teaser of the waterfalls that will not fall.

Grayson licks his lips, dragging the tip of his tongue across his bottom lip slowly all the while quirking an eyebrow at the pink coloring of Y/N's cheeks. He loves to flirt with her, seduce her and enjoy the way she responds to him. She says he's got an innocence to him that she's never seen, a purity of sorts. But in truth, it's what he sees in her. She's so oblivious of her incredible looks and unique way of thinking, of her very lovable quirks and weird talents that he wishes to know more. She's too self-deprecating and it hurts him to see just how blind she is to her own unadulterated flawlessness.

"You cracked my evil plans!" He snickers, watching her narrow her eyes at him all the while fighting a smile from cracking.

"Hey, can we talk about how I'm going to repay you for letting me stay with you and for the rides?" She changes the topic again and Grayson knows she needs to do it to stop herself from outright panicking about their bond.

"You're not paying." Grayson states, popping a fry in his mouth and Y/N's left eye narrows at the sound, but she doesn't say anything. The sound of people walking and talking, of the ocean's waves coming and going, it all helps to drown out the noise of Grayson's loud chewing.

"I gotta do something, Gray. I can't just live there for free." She lowers her voice, deepening it so he can pick up on the seriousness in her words.

"You can help with chores, but I'm not letting you pay." Grayson reaches out, wanting to rub his knuckle down her cheek. Y/N slaps his hand away, frowning.

"It will make me incredibly uncomfortable to stay with you and your twin brother and not contribute in any way, shape or form. Plus, does Ethan even know you're offering me to stay with you?" She asks, raising her eyebrows.

"He knows and you can't pay us. Hell, Ethan would be the first one to refuse. He's screech loudly like a velociraptor until you stopped trying to pay us. He'd kill me if I even considered it. We earn obscene amounts of money while you're living off a scholarship. All I want from you is to study and chase your dreams, to be happy and make friends and IF you want, to just share duties around OUR home. Just let me do this for you. Please." He slouches in his chair, watching Y/N rub her chin nervously. She rests her chin on the back of her hands, closing her eyes and pressing her lips tight in thought.

"And if we break up?" She opens her eyes, her voice weak and vulnerable.

"That won't happen. But if that ever happens, you're more than welcome to stay. I love you, Y/N. I don't see those feelings disappearing anytime soon." Grayson admits, not caring that he's always pouring his heart open for her to drink up. He needs her to know he'd never hurt her. Not intentionally. Sure, he always has good intentions and she might hate some of the things he did for her, so yes, she might want him to let her go if she finds out about it, but he'd never be the one to end things. He'll fight for her, tell her she's the only girl he could ever be with and that he'd rather be alone than without her. He'll tell her he's the guy for her. He'll do anything for her to forgive him if that day ever comes...until she asks him to let her go.

"Okay." She whispers, feeling conflicted about the situation. She's always been taught not to depend on someone and that's exactly what she's doing now. She has to depend on Grayson and though she loves and trusts him, it's not something she wants or takes lightly. She wanted to be on her own for the first time ever, to be her own boss, to be independent and fierce and learn to fight for herself and find her voice. The possibility of not being able to do any of that with the changes to her plans have turned her mood sour.

"I'll pay the bill and we can go enjoy the little sun we got left." Grayson blows her a kiss, walking away to pay the waiter while she remains at the table, blankly staring at her plate.

**

Grayson could sense Y/N's mood changed drastically. Knowing she's stubborn like no one he'd ever known, topping Ethan and James easily, he figured she'd have to find a way to feel useful or she'll lose her mind about him paying for everything. She's not the type to bathe in his money or to enjoy a sugar daddy relationship and to prevent that, he found a solution.

"How about you do photo shoots for me and Ethan? Like also behind the scenes photos when we're filming. And you can help us with video ideas and even to set up?" He offers, hoping to shake her up a little and give her a slight spring to her steps.

There a pause, a silence between them lasting exactly seventeen seconds before Y/N swings her arms around Grayson's neck, jumping to completely wrap herself around him. Grayson giggles, his laugh turning high pitched and nasal. He rests his hands on her upper thigh, just below her ass and spins them loosely, but only once because she moves her head to face him. With her eyes and nose crinkled, a small laugh escapes her unexpectedly to tug at Grayson's heart.

"Kiss me." She's barely keeping her breathing steady with the look his eyes hold. The Sun's illuminating every speck in his now hazel eyes.

This feeling is so strange; it stretches throughout her whole body. It's overwhelming, yet makes her feel complete. It has no bound nor length nor depth; it's just absolute. It feels as though she's in a dangerous fire, yet completely safe at the same time. Because Grayson Dolan is her fire and she doesn't care if she burns out from the love she holds for him. It feels as though someone's given her peace. It feels as though her heart is dancing around her chest; and a hole she's been aware of her entire life, has been filled. She feels light, like she's on top of the world yet her heart is constricting and it feels as if there's no oxygen in her lungs.

His lips press against Y/N's with passion, love, and affection as his warm hands roam all over thighs, ass and back, leaving a trail of sparks in their wake. He squeezes her bum as they kiss, causing her to arch her back and moan softly into his mouth. She tilts her head to the side, her chest rising and falling dramatically under his influence. He smiles into the kiss as her fingers tug at his short hair on the back of his neck and her other hand scratches at his back.

"You're so beautiful." He whispers against her lips, almost in anguish.

"You talk too much." She retorts, nibbling on his bottom lip and presses her fingertips into his shoulder as if he's the air she so desperately needs.

"As much as I love kissing you and trust me this is killing me, I really wanna go for a swim with you." Grayson kisses the left corner of her mouth, littering her left cheeks in butterfly light kisses.

"How? I don't have my swimsuit." She moves away from him, releasing her grip on his waist and Grayson lets her down gently on the sand.

"I don't mind." Grayson wiggles his eyebrows, smiling smugly at her 'o' shaped mouth.

"I am not skinny dipping in the ocean!" She exclaims, looking around to see if there's anyone around them.

"Underwear then?" Grayson offers and she narrows her eyes at him with suspicion.

"You just want to see me naked!" She points an accusatory finger at him, watching him click his tongue and nod.

"I'll take mine off too!" He smirks, suggestively raising an eyebrow until she's running a hand through her hair and looking at him like he's eye candy. But to her, he was never just eye candy; he's soul food.

"I don't mind you taking your clothes off!" She cocks her head to the left, folding her arms across her chest and awaiting him to make a move.

Without doubt, Grayson raised both hands up and to the collar of his shirt. He tucked his fingers inside the collar, maintaining eye contact with Y/N. He pulled his white shirt off and threw it to the sand, giving her a dazzling smile and a daring look. She watched him kick off his on-brand sneakers and unbutton his jeans.

She swallows thickly, taking in every little move he makes with lust filling her body. He pulls the zipper down in a painfully slow manor, teasing Y/N with a small wiggle that made her chortle in response. He slides the jeans off and they find themselves in the sand as well, his thighs and all the tattoos now in the open. But that's not the only thing she sees. He's got a pulsating, rather large bulge hidden inside his teal boxer briefs. It's hard not to let her eyes wander and fixate on a particularly wrapped gift basket inside, but she forces her eyes to look up.

That doesn't help either.

Every single inch of his skin is marked with perfection, each line accentuating an ab she'd like to drag the tip of her tongue over. His arms are huge, veins visible and curving around his muscles like snakes that give his arms the power to kill. His shoulder is distinctly pointy and sharp, his collarbone just calling for her to tap her fingertips along the curve. His neck is strong and inviting, awaiting love bites along the prominent vein on the left.

But nothing could compare to the flawlessness of his face. With a jawline that can cut you, a slight stubble lining it and framing his lips, cute nose to boop and brown eyes that turn hazel under the sunlight downing in his desire for her...well, Y/N finally understood the arrogant eyebrow raise and cocky smirk he bestowed upon her. Looking like that, he had every right to be confident.

She's always alluded temptation in the past, finding those who surrender to their primal instincts weak. But Grayson standing in front of her with his body on display without a single imperfection had gotten to her. Her pulse started to race, only matching the pounding of her heart she couldn't slow down. She started to sweat, lick her lips subconsciously and fidget with her fingers.

Temptation is a tricky thing, often sneaking up to you when you least expect it. Y/N was so sure that only dreamers fell victim to its alluring siren song; that she would be spared as a realist. Turns out no one is immune, especially not when Apollo himself is asking you to join him in a crazy adventure. And Grayson is Y/N's Apollo, her own brand of temptation. He's temptation incorporated, undeniable and impeccable.

He starts walking back, making sure Y/N has full view of his front before he turns around, and giving her an entirely different view to drool over.

She doesn't wait long, taking her clothes off so fast she almost tripped and fell face first into the sand. Grayson barely got a toe into the ocean when Y/N rushed into the water without hesitation.

She embraces the wave, giving into it. A small squeal lets Grayson know the water is cold, but all he can see is a hardcore realist jumping head first into the ocean in only black underwear, allowing him to ignore the cold and follow her in. He'd follow her through a fire, so why would he stop at cold water?

He shouts, gasping for air as the cold water envelopes his body entirely. Y/N laughs at his reaction loudly, snorting in the process, surprising both Grayson and herself. She covers her mouth quickly, embarrassed by the incident which Grayson finds adorable.

"Take my hand!" He reaches out, watching her struggle against the current. He waits for her hand to hold onto his before pulling her to him, greatly fighting his urge to rip what's left of her clothes off and take her right then and there. He doesn't even look, but that's not without difficulty.

"Woah!" She presses closer to him for body heat, looking up at his wet hair now slicked back with only a few strands sticking up on his head. He's looking deeply into her eyes, an irresistible need to look at all of him taking over her. Her lips part as she inhales deeply. The site is a turn on for her. The water drips down his hair softly. And the drops slowly make their way to his body and the perfect abs he has. The water defines his well-organized and obviously worked out body.

Yup, temptation, she concludes. APOLLO, she hears that part of her brain obsessed with Greek mythology scream. His body is a siren song meant to trap her and she knows it.

"You got a bit of drool there." Grayson jokes, snapping her back to reality.

She truly seems entranced by him and it's feeding his ego, letting it skyrocket and fill him with a new sense of confidence. Sure, girls usually find him hot and he's used to them lusting for his body, but there's something about the way Y/N looks at him with hunger and tenderness, craving and love that he'd never had before. He never had the best of both worlds: love and lust, caring and passion, trust and loyalty, beauty and intelligence. It's uncharted waters for Grayson, but he's eager to explore. He's always been an adventurer, that's for sure.

She rolls her eyes at him, pushing from him only to splash him with water.

"You just ruined a perfect moment!" She shouts, frowning when she sees his eyes flicker from her black lacy bra to her face continuously, like it's hypnotizing. Only then does she realize she's exposed in front of him, completely showing every imperfection. Not only did she hate the extra fat on her stomach and those pesky love-handles, but also the stretch-marks that showed up on the sides and on her hips, ass and behind her knees. She always kept those hidden, ashamed of the thick thighs that many hated. Not only did they add onto her weight, but they also ruined every pair of pants she owned. So, no. Y/N isn't a fan of her body and the way she hugs her body awkwardly and moves out of the water silently forces Grayson to trudge after her.

"Hey?! What's hap - happening?!" He almost falls, interrupting his words to keep himself steady.

She puts on her top fast, struggling with the leggings since she's still wet. Grayson frowns, running a hand through his soaked hair, putting the other one on her shoulder, effectively halting her movements.

"What's wrong?!" He asks in the softest, smallest voice she's ever heard him use.

"Mrzim kako izgledam. Ti si savršenstvo, od glave do pete. Ja...nisam. Ni blizu. Ne znam zašto me želiš. Ne razumijem u čemu je kvaka. (I hate the way I look. You're perfection, head to toe. I'm...not. Not even close. I don't know why you want me. I don't understand where's the catch.)" She finishes her insecure ramble, constantly swatting the hair getting in her face due to the wind and Grayson's utterly confused because he didn't understand a single word she said. But he could tell it wasn't something nice, nor uplifting. So, he wraps an arm around her, pulling her side to his chest and rests his chin on top of her head. He gives her a moment of sincere warmth and kindness, one moment to collect herself before he turns himself to face her. He cups her cheeks, forcing her lips in a pouting position by default and he can't help but notice she looks like a vulnerable girl with all her masks gone, showing him what's truly inside.

"I have no clue what you just said, but I know you're upset. If it's about your body, don't be. I love having something to grasp when I get to taste your voluptuous lips. I find you very, very appealing to the eye and those stretch-marks so many girls hate are actually badass. It's like warrior stripes that signify every battle you've had to win to be here today. Your body is a map of life's struggles you faced and I love your body. I love you in every shape or size and I hope that one day, you'll love it just as much. Just don't forbid me to do it now." Grayson kisses the top of her nose, then her lips before lowering himself entirely to kiss the side of her left thigh, just below the band of her underwear, squeezing her right hip at the same time.

Y/N sighs, feeling her body betray her and tremble under his touch like he's got healing properties and every kiss he leaves on her skin is remedy. Unable to handle being so intimately touched, she moves back and sits on the sand, leaving Grayson flustered and wishing for more. But he understands this is one of those moments she pulls away, needing to center herself.

Gosh, she's stubborn, he thinks.

He sits by her side, smiling instantly when her head drops on his shoulder, the temple resting just below his pointy bone, feeling a faint pulse on her head.

They sat there in silence, just enjoying each other's company. Her eyes drifted to the horizon, the sky turning clouds that resemble cotton candy various shades of pink, contrasting the blue water that slowly turns black as the sky once the Sun is no longer casting the light that illuminates every drop.

They walked together, like drunken teenagers, clinging to one another. Once in the car, they blast music, singing along to every song that comes on. They were more than ready to settle in their now shared home and relax for the night.

"Feels like another lifetime." She mutters under her breath. Judging by Grayson's confused face, she knew she had to clarify.

"It feels like I haven't been here for so long, if ever. I always assumed that entire night was a dream I made up to keep myself afloat." She walks inside, Grayson following her every step. Surprisingly, she remembers perfectly how to find her way around and he can't help but fix anything that's not in its usual place. He doesn't want her to think they're messy.

"Where's Ethan?" She asks sweetly, looking around for the other half of the Dolan duo. Grayson shrugs, shouting.

"Yo, E.!"

"Bro!" Ethan shouts back and Grayson nods.

"He's in the kitchen." He states and it's Y/N's turn to look confused. Grayson gives her a crooked smile, going to the kitchen only to find his brother munching on a pizza, giving him deja vu.

"Got some pizza, so fhig in!" Ethan mumbles, still chewing so some of the words are muffled and twisted, but it makes Y/N smile and her eyes focus on the box. She nods toward the box, pointing out the gluten free mark to her boyfriend before grabbing a slice and sitting by Ethan.

"This is so freaky. It's like history repeating itself." Grayson sits down slowly, eyes flickering from his brother to his girl with his lips slightly parted.

"Except she's staying for good this time around!" Ethan exclaims, wiping his mouth with the back of his right hand.

Y/N pauses, lowering the slice she was about to take a bite out of and looks to Ethan.

"How long have you known?"

Grayson's eyes widen and Ethan chokes on his bite, coughing to create a diversion long enough to figure something out. Y/N taps his back repeatedly, helping him or so she thinks.

"Ugh, uh - Grayson texted me the news earlier. Dorm cancelled, right?" He grabs a glass of water, sipping on it and turning away from Y/N to openly, but silently freak out.

"Yeah." The cloud of suspicion lifts and she keeps on eating, nudging Grayson to eat too with her leg under the table.

"I'm actually glad you're here. That way he doesn't bitch about how much he misses you all the time." Ethan ignores the glare Grayson sends him, smiling at Y/N like he's not trying to embarrass his brother.

"Oh, but then you'll have to find something else to bitch about, instead of just bitching about him missing me." Y/N remarks, raising both eyebrows at Ethan before standing up to get herself some water. She didn't mean it in a bad manor, nor was she being mean spirited, it just came out. It's like an instinct.

"I like her." Ethan tells Grayson, happy she's not a tender little flower he can't mess around with.

"I LIKE YOU!" He shouts, so Y/N can hear him too and she smiles into her glass, her back is turned to the boys.

"I'm already taken!" She shouts back, taking out a few different pills from her bag and popping them in her mouth, washing them down with water before turning to them.

"Correction. I love her." He whispers to Grayson, awkwardly resting his chin in his hand.

"So, I'll clear my room", Grayson starts, but Y/N stops him immediately.

"No, you won't. We can share the room or I can sleep on the couch. Your choice." She swallows thickly when Grayson's lips spread into a smile, realizing the temptation she felt today will be nothing compared to temptation she'll feel sharing a bed.

"Sharing it is! You can decorate however you want, not just in there but all around as well. Just let me know if you need something and I'll get it for you. I'll clear half my closet and drawers and..." Grayson began to list cheerfully, causing Y/N to interject.

"Grayson, honey, breathe." She hears Ethan snicker beside her, ending it with a playful slap on the shoulder.

"Got it. Slow and steady." Grayson clasps his hands in front of him on the table, fondly looking at his girl who desperately wished for a shower and he could tell.

"I'm gonna shower, let you two talk...or not." She gets up with a sigh, leaning in to peck Grayson's lips before sauntering into his room and going straight for the shower.

It felt good to wash the dirt, salt and a tiny bit of grief off her. In the shower, she could finally let a tear or two out, just to ease up the pressure building in her chest. It's been about two days since she left home and she's already homesick. Grayson makes it easier, though. It feels like he's a home on it's own.

Walking out in just a towel, she goes straight for his closet to steal some of his clothes. However, once she faces that side of the room, right behind the door is something she didn't expect to see. She screams, scaring both guys into running fast toward the room.

By the time they arrived, she's already laughing at her own stupidity, not believing herself.

"What happened?!" They ask in unison, each standing by her side in case she needed protection.

"I thought the fucking Nutcracker was a man or something. I died!" She cackles, slapping a hand over her chest.

"Man, he's creepy!" She exclaims, wiping away tears and Ethan's nodding, agreeing with her.

"No clue how he sleeps with that in here." Ethan adds fuel to a growing fire and Grayson reaches out from behind Y/N to slap him on the back of his head.

"I'll move it. Don't worry." He pecks her cheek and she frowns, pursing her lips.

"Nah. Don't want you to change everything up for me." She waves his offer off, because she does like nutcrackers...just not giant ones that look like demons in the night.

"But I want to." He moves in and wraps his arms around her waist, kissing her neck until all the hair on her body stands up.

"You sure?" She leans into him and Ethan's already thinking what Grayson knew from the start.

He's fucking whipped and he loves it.

"YuP", Grayson pops the P for effect, inhaling the scent of her shampoo. It's not one of his, meaning she's already unpacked some of her things.

"You organize the closet how you want to and I'll get this fella to the pool-house." He leaves a kiss on her temple before doing as he promised with Ethan's help, giving Y/N a chance to get dressed and put her clothes in as well. She's quick, just putting her clothes on racks and the rest is already folded for the drawers. She jumps on the bed and texts her parents to see how they're doing, but they're already asleep. Closing her eyes as she hears Grayson bickering with Ethan about a plant in the distance and a dopey smile grows on her face. This will be a challenge, but one she welcomes.

"You asleep, Lil Birdie?" Grayson whispers in her ear, startling her. She yawns, stretching her hands and legs before curling into his side, resting her head on his chest.

"Do you believe in alternative universes?" She asks, nuzzling into his chest further. Grayson wraps an arm around her to keep her in place, playing with a few curled tips of her hair falling on her face.

"Yeah. I do." Grayson replies. Holding her soft pale face gives him a sense that he finally belongs, that he is loved. Her face isn't perfect nor smooth. It has some wrinkles too, her cheeks have acne and scars but it doesn't take away from her beauty. It enriches it. Sure, skin as smooth as velvet and perfect like a baby's is desirable, but this little imperfection of hers relaxes him. It assures him she's not an elusive dream, but reality and she's his. She's all his.

"Do you think other versions of us found each other? Like we did?" Her eyes are closed and the way she speaks is slow, lazy. She's half asleep, but she's thinking about the possibility of other Y/Ns and Graysons loving each other, being as happy as they are.

"I think no matter what happens or where I am, this planet and reality or another, I always find you. We were always meant to meet, Lil Birdie. It's written in the stars. I know it is." He looks down, noticing her breathing evened out and she's out cold.

His phone pings, and though he wants to sleep, he chooses to look at the message.

From: Linda Jamison (Psychic twins)

You found her.

He looks up to the ceiling, grinning so widely his face hurts. But Linda just told him he found her as she lays in his arms and he's happiest he's ever been. Ever since her eyes locked with his, her hand brushed against his, her slightly raspy voice reached his ear, Grayson knew he would be putty in her hands. Her lips against his give him such a rush that nearly makes him fall over. Each day with her is another day he falls more for her smile, her laugh, her personality, her mind and everything else about her. He knew he found the one even before they told him, but having it confirmed is insane and peaceful. It prompts him to think about their future down the line more than he already has, about their house and marriage and kids...it's all lining up in his head that night as he slowly loses his battle with sleep and drifts away with Y/N in his arms.

Once they woke up, Grayson was giddy and overly excited about driving her to class. He skipped about the entire time, making sure she packs all her things and he even made her a fruit salad for later. His enthusiasm didn't go unnoticed as Y/N kept shushing him, knowing Ethan's still asleep. She couldn't understand how he can be so chipper at six in the morning when the Sun's barely up. Though she loved hearing his voice, she definitely needed some silence after just opening her eyes. She soon realized that's not an option and embraced it as she embraced Grayson too, effectively stopping his jabberer and calming him down.

"Breathe, Grayson." Her voice is muffled by his chest, her hands sliding into his back pockets, lazily resting there while he squeezes her tightly. He's a hugger, she knew that. It's not just any kind of a hug that she's used to, but a soul, bone-crushing kind of a hug where he doesn't let up, pressing her as close to him as possible until she starts seeing stars and needs to take a breath. It's one of those hugs where you know the person doesn't want to let you go, that it's not a courteous hug but one seeded in love, a genuine want for closeness.

She hears him take a deep breath, his chest moving accordingly. The air he releases with his exhale plays with the electrified strands of her hair, forcing them to dance and bend under the pressure until it's gone and they stand still once more.

"Sorry. I'm just happy you're here, Lil' Birdie." Grayson leans his chin on top of her head and closes his eyes, gently swaying them left to right. He wants nothing more than to keep her right there in his arms, in the privacy of his bedroom. But he can't and he knows he can't. He has to let her fly and hope she comes back to him. There are no words to show her how much he loves her, nor song perfect enough to describe it. So he takes his soul and pours it out at her feet, waiting patiently for her to give him some sign she loves him back. He'll always put her before him, until his last breath roams in. Until the end of time, he'll be hers and he prays she'll be his.

"Me too, Gray bear." She taps his buttock, letting him know she needs oxygen and he releases her from his death grip. He furrows his eyebrows, narrowing his eyes at the nickname she used, maintaining eye contact until she rolls her eyes.

"I'm trying some things out." She shrugs, throwing her book bag over her shoulder and going into the kitchen. She takes out a pack of pills from her bag, stuffing three pills in her mouth and washing it all down with a large chug of water.

Grayson walks it, seeing her putting the cap back on and slipping the bottle in her bag too.

"Ready, Birdie?" He gives her a crooked smile as he leans on a counter, watching her nervous smile surface.

"Yeah. Let's go." She bites the right corner of her bottom lip, before standing on her tiptoes and pecking his lips. She passes by him, leaving Grayson flustered and blushing, scrambling after her clumsily like a deer on ice.

He manages to outrun her, accidentally shoving her into the door and getting an angry 'HEY' on her behalf. Sheepish, Grayson cups her face and pecks her lips, running to the car to open the door for her.

"Sure, knock me into the front door to open the car door for me. You're certifiable." She shakes her head at him, rolls her eyes and enters the car again. It's insane how he's acting like she needs him on top of his game all the time, when in reality she just wants someone who tries. She doesn't need him to give her the world, but she wants him to want to do that. It's the thought that counts and she didn't expect him to keep running circles around her.

"Did it hurt?" He asks shyly, getting a huff from her.

"Kinda hurt my arm, but I'm fine. I don't need you to always open my door and stuff, babe. Just relax a little. You're going to get us both killed if you keep it up." She couldn't help the smile that curved her lips to the side, one that signified she isn't angry at him at all. She just wants him to be himself around her, because he's enough for her as he is.

"I'll kiss it better." Grayson starts to lean in, lips puckered up but is stopped by Y/N's palm instead of her lips.

"I'll be late!" She whines, making a disgusted face when Grayson licks her palm as revenge.

All the while, Y/N's tapping her fingers on the dashboard, her entire body is leaned forward and stiff, completely betraying her first day nerves.

"You'll do fine, Birdie. Just be yourself." Grayson reassured her, moving his hand to her left knee for a light squeeze in support. He smiles when she glances at him, longing for a kiss from her.

"I don't really do well when I'm myself. I'm not a 'people person'." She puts air quotes around the last bit, frowning deeply. Her frown brings out two vertical lines between her eyebrows, ones still shallow and new to her face.

"You won me over." Grayson points out, moving his index finger up and down her knee cap.

"You don't count because you're as weird as I am." She accidentally blurts out, making Grayson's eyes widen.

"So we're not that different after all!" He cheered, his booming voice both hurting and blessing her ears at the same time. She flinched with the loudness, raising a brow to his statement.

"Oh, we're still fundamentally different. I guess opposites attract, otherwise we wouldn't be in this car right now. Not together, at least." She remarked, placing a hand over the one he kept on her knee. She took it in hers, bringing it to her lips to leave a soft kiss on the back of it. Her pink lipstick stains his skin, but Grayson only presses his lips to stop a happy chortle bubbling in the back of his throat from scaring the softest, most gentle human being he's ever met.

"Oh, look. We're a block away." Y/N mussed, letting go of Grayson's hand reluctantly.

She didn't want to leave him and go in on her own. She's never been good at making friends or with first impressions. Especially not when she's this nervous. Her heart's practically beating out of her chest and her breathing is labored, dragged out and detectable.

"Breathe, Y/N. Just breathe." Grayson comforts her, reminding her to calm down with the same words she used on him twice now. But it worked; not the words, but his voice. It's what alleviated the rush of panic in her body and forced the adrenaline to stop dictating orders that would force her to run in the opposite direction.

The closer they get to the gates, the more people turn around to look at the Porsche. Y/N mentally face palms upon realizing this car, although beautiful, attracts way too much unwanted attention.

Grayson parks, immediately shifting in his seat to take both her hands in his. He can feel them shaking, his heart aching for her. He's aware this isn't easy for her. Her entire life got turned upside down in two day’s time and now she's on this continent, all of her dreams came true but she's lost everything else in the process. He's determined to let her know she has him, that she'll always have him.

"I love you and I know you're scared, but you can do this. You've done a lot more with a lot less effort and I believe in you. Go Lil' Birdie. Go and win them over as you did with me." He offers her a wide smile, giving her the courage she needed.

Grateful to have him near, Y/N leans into him. She kisses his lips, her right hand gently caressing his neck.

"I love you, Grayson Bailey Dolan." With a small smile, she opens the door and stands on her shaky legs. She gives him a quick wave, assuring him she'll be fine and walks into the campus.

A lot of people looked at her, all assessing her and her possible worth. No one actually walked up to her, nor gave her any indication they're friendly. The girls sent her glares, some of them took photos of her and the guys all talked about the car she came in. She felt like a ZOO animal, watched and filmed by everyone and all because Grayson drove her. And he's supposed to pick her up too which only made her more nervous.

Quickly, she rushes to the administration, finding a few forms to fill that she couldn't do online. Feeling a little overwhelmed, she walks to her first class of the day, looking ahead to avoid meeting eyes with people gossiping about her.

This was going to be a long day.

"What happened?" Grayson glances sideways, his eyebrows creased and lips pressed together. Y/N has been nothing but silent since he picked her up and though he saw her wave to someone before getting in and giving him a good smooch, she's barely spoken to him since.

She gave him short answers and polite smiles, ones he didn't buy. Sure, she's been stuffing her face with the gluten free meal he picked up on his way, but he hoped she's be spilling her entire day without him asking.

"Nthng." Her words are jumbled and muffled with food, but he can still understand her. He doesn't want to pester her for answers, but he decided on doing so once they get home. They're not even a foot inside when he drapes an arm around her and pulls her to the living room to talk. 

"Talk to me." He sits on the couch, crossing his legs so the outside of his right ankle is resting on his left knee.

Y/N sits on the other end of the couch, fidgeting with her rings.

"I uh - saw the photos all over the internet...Some people recognized me because they saw your car this morning and I'm officially known as your girlfriend worldwide." Y/N crinkles her nose, releasing a heavy sigh.

"And anyone who talked to me today either wanted to befriend me so they can get close to you guys or to insult me. I made one friend today in total and Jesse helped me out. I'm just a little down because I didn't expect for us to be known so soon." She bites her lower lip, hearing the couch cry under Grayson's shifting weight as he moves closer to her.

"I don't regret us, though. Don't want you to think that. Just - I was kind of caught off guard and then everyone's already formed groups 'cause they met in the dorm and I'm not there so I'm basically going to miss everything all the time. Jesse is the only one living off campus, so we sort of connected fast." She smiles meekly, looking at Grayson's worried face. She runs a knuckle down his left cheek, leaving a peck on it right after.

"Can I do something?" Grayson asks, confusing her.

"What?" She had no clue what he planned, but he let her shower and change clothes. He waited for her to start studying before grabbing his phone and logging into his Snapchat account.

"Grayson?" She gives him a pointed look, furrowing her eyebrows as she took her glasses out of the case. He shushed her, getting a glare in return.

"Just do you while I film my plants. Don't worry." His voice is mellow, too innocent for her to believe him. Regardless, she puts her purple framed - flowery glasses on and opens the rather large book in front of her and a small notebook on her lap. She sits crisscrossed, completely losing herself in her first assignment. She's wearing Grayson's baby blue hoodie and her own black leggings with DT socks on her feet. Her hair is brushed over her right shoulder and down, although she usually has it up in a bun. Even so, Grayson's smitten with her natural state and no matter how badly he wishes he could cuddle with her, he knows she needs to study and he needs to go through with his plan.

He points the camera at himself, talking.

"So, here's a plant tour to show off some new flowers I got." He smirks, switching from the front camera to the back one and showing the first one.

"This is Benji", he moves to the next one, "and Barry", slowly filming each of his plants before coming to the last one. He turns the camera to Y/N, slowly zooming in on her flowery glasses.

"And this is Y/N, my favorite flower and girlfriend." He quickly switches the camera to the front one again, showing his beaming smile and cutting the video off when Y/N shouts his name upon realization what his plan was.

From that night on, they spent as much time together as humanly possible. Grayson would drive her to and from class as promised, always buying her food to munch on the way home. He uses the time she's busy with school to film with Ethan, tricking her to miss most of the work he told her she could do in the process. He could see she's buried in assignments and books, not wanting to add onto her stress. When she did help them, it was extremely fun for both Ethan and Grayson. She's always making them laugh and her ideas are more than helpful.

Living together became an adventure on its own. Ethan and Y/N got along quite well, but teased each other mercilessly. He's a night owl which definitely served well for bonding with Y/N who more often than not either couldn't fall asleep or had to study all night. She'd lull Grayson to sleep and study in the kitchen, taking small breaks to play Fortnite with Ethan. There were a few hiccups here and there though, like when Ethan walked in on her changing and she threw a shoe at his head, hitting the mark.

"Grayson, I need the", his eyes widen as Y/N screams, her reflex reaction being to throw a shoe at Ethan, "OWH, Y/N!"

Or the fact that they weren't intimate, but both yearned for it. Grayson felt like his head would explode and Y/N was slowly losing her inner battle too. She told him she always wanted to wait for marriage, because it's the way she's been raised and her culture is different than his as are her morals. She's grown in an environment that's a stark contrast to the one he grew up in and he understood her beliefs aren't the same. But that didn't mean his understanding helped them relieve the sexual tension growing between them. Y/N would often glare at him when his shirt is off and called him a 'temptress' and he called her his 'favorite sin'.

"It's not that I don't want to have sex with you, because trust me I REALLY DO. Like, really, really do. I'd just like to at least try and uphold the promises I made to myself. I fear I'd lose myself if I break this vow I've taken."  She sighed, leaning her forehead on his shoulder.

"Okay then. Until we're married. I'm going to die, but okay." Grayson agreed, fully invested in helping her keep that promise. He practically salivated at every inch of skin she showed and they certainly came close to abolishing their promises more than once, but Grayson never went beyond what she asked for. Whenever they got too hot and heavy and clothes got lost on the floor, Grayson would often be the one to stop it from advancing.

"You just can't keep your hands to yourself, huh?" He whispered in her ear, his lips swollen from their make out session. He adjusted his pants to make room for his bulge, one that he would take care of later.

"I can, but why the hell would I want to?" Y/N breathed and Grayson threw his head back with a growl erupting in his chest.

"I'M GOING TO DIE!"  He shouts dramatically, briskly toppling over Y/N and pinning her under his body, burying his face in her neck to suck a small mark right behind her right ear.

"Now, if you'll excuse me I will lock myself in the bathroom and take a long shower." He left Y/N to deal with her own hormones in the room, knowing he left a mark to show anyone who dares to flirt with his girl that she's taken.

On the other hand, there were issues whenever his friends came over. Bryant basically comes around twice a day to exercise and they get along great, but James and Emma were frequent too.

Emma made her visibly uncomfortable because Emma's an extrovert and one that's unafraid to be loud and say the most inappropriate things at the worst of times, while Y/N's the quiet, painfully polite type and so she shies away from her company though she'd never admit it.

But her biggest issue is James and his constant need to touch or flirt with Grayson which unnerved her. Y/N never knew she's the jealous type nor that she's possessive until she saw James fling his arms around Grayson and call him his future husband.

"Ahh! My future husband everyone!" James exclaimed, making Y/N fume. It's not the first advance he made on her man, which only made her blood boil. She trusts her Grayson, so that's not the issue here. For unknown reasons, she does something she didn't expect.

She pushes into the frame, detaching James from Grayson with a fake smile and attaching herself to him. She kisses him with all her might, reminding him he's hers and everyone else around them as well. Grayson's holding her close, she's running her fingers through his hair and pulling at the ends. Grayson moans into the kiss, making James gag in disgust and Y/N smile, cutting their show of affection short.

"Missed you, dragi (dear)." She smiles, wiping her lipstick off his mouth with her thumb, making it worse when it smudges. But her smile only widens and she winks at him, saying "Perfect" before going to their room to study.

After that, she made it a habit to mark her territory just as Grayson did. They trusted each other completely, but there's something in every person that wants others to just keep their hands away from their partners. Grayson also had a habit of always touching Y/N, making sure his hand is at least brushing her skin, which she mimicked subconsciously.

Despite it all, they made their own traditions. Grayson took her hiking every Sunday and Saturday was reserved for the beach per Y/N's insistence. Another thing she insisted on was Ethan tagging along on their little dates because she didn't like him being alone in the house.

She understood their twin connection, supporting it all the time and as much as possible. She needed them to stay close and she didn't want Ethan to feel left out. He always showed gratitude and quickly adapted to her presence around the house. He loved her cooking and humor, especially how she never got offended by his sarcastic remarks. Instead, she threw one back at him and they were usually so savage he started to take notes.

Y/N was happy in school, passing her exams and always hanging out with Jesse during breaks. So far, Grayson knew only a couple of things about her friend.

1. Jesse is a blonde.

2. Jesse loves coffee.

3. Jesse is funny and always makes her laugh.

4. Jesse lives close by.

5. Jesse always offers her a ride.

Y/N always talked about Jesse, but Grayson has yet to meet this friend of hers. He's honestly just happy she found someone she relates to and someone that has her back. Especially when he started filming more videos and his time with her became limited.

That something he'll regret later on.

However, their issues first started when Grayson found Y/N's many pills and his brain instantly went to the worst possible thing he could imagine: that she's taking drugs to study. But that wasn't the case.

"What are they for?!" He throws the packs of pills on the table in front of Y/N and Ethan, red in the face but inside he's shaking. He's terrified of her being hooked on something, of losing her to drugs and he blames himself for not noticing it sooner.

"Sit down and stop yelling first." Y/N says firmly, asserting her dominance as she knows Grayson will listen. She knows he'll listen because he's learned everything there is to know about her and he knows she won't have a screaming match, but a real conversation because nothing gets solved with people screaming on both ends. For that to happen, he needs to calm his explosive nature down and let her talk or he won't get any explanations that he's desperate for.

So, he does as she asked and sits across from her and beside Ethan. He pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a slow, deep breath to clear his mind and let go of the anger fueled by his fears. When he raises his eyes and looks into her captivating orbs, he's calmer and still nowhere close to peaceful.

"Those are for health reasons." She begins, swallowing thickly. Grayson can tell she's rather uncomfortable talking about this, but he needs to know.

"The green packs are for my thyroid because I have Hashimoto's disease. It's an autoimmune disorder and it helps me replace hormones the antibodies destroy." She sees both Grayson and Ethan's face change, their demeanor with it as well. Grayson's adjusting his blue bracelet and Ethan's running a hand through his hair to stop himself from freaking out.

"The white satchels help me because I have polycystic ovaries or better known as PCOS." She licks her lips, pointing to a yellow pack.

"Those help my insulin levels, because I have an insulin resistance." Her eyes flicker between the brothers who are staring at the bag of pills she carries around and drinks on daily bases in pain. They're in pain for her. They ache for her. She's about their age and she's struggling with so much. But she wasn't done.

"The big white ones are painkillers for days I can't handle the pain. The small green ones are for insomnia if I get too overwhelmed and I've never gotten on antidepressant or anxiolytics because my therapist knows my moods swings and anxiety, even occasional panic attacks happen because of my hormones. Most of these issues and others that I have are untreatable and a result of a pituitary tumor that's growing inside my head but it's currently too small to cause damage or for surgery to be necessary." She folds her hands in front of her, awaiting their reaction. It's as if she tortured them with the information they seeked. They're hunched over, frowning deeply and avoiding eye contact with her.

It's as she feared; they'll treat her differently.

"I'm fine. Don't go and treat me like I'm made of glass. I fight all this and have been fighting it since fourth grade and I'm not about to give up." She says sternly, reaching out to grab a hand from each twin. They look up, eyes glossed over with tears they want to shed. She grew on them both, worming her way into their hearts and after the loss they suffered, even the possibility of losing her is insufferable.

"You're in pain?!" Grayson's voice cracks and she looks up to the ceiling, mulling over what she could tell them and not cause panic.

"Yes." But she chooses the truth.

"Mostly my joints and muscles and it's tolerable. I have a high pain tolerance naturally, so unless you see me popping the big white pills, I'm fine. It's nothing new and I don't want you to stress about it." She emphasizes her claim about being well, but it doesn't help the boys. It's not something they take as lightly as she does.

"When you're not feeling well, you'll tell me. Am I clear?" Grayson tries to sound stern and puts on a brave face for her because he knows she'd hate to be looked at differently. It would destroy her. That didn't mean he'd forget all about this.

"Okay." She smiles at her man, grateful for having someone so supportive in her life. She's been missing him more and more lately, mostly because all their time together is packed in him driving her around and sleeping in the same bed. She's aware he's filming a lot of collaborative videos, but it doesn't settle the ache in her heart whenever he's away for too long.

Grayson's attempt of being the same around her weren't quite successful, but he tried and it's all she ever wanted from him. She wants him to want to be who she needs him to be, to try and she loves him for it. She loves all of him, all the time. She loves him even when he's driving her crazy with questions about how she feels or him spontaneously rubbing her joints or massaging her muscles. She loves him even when he reminds her to take her pills or pushes her to get out of bed when it's the last thing she needs. She simply loves him in the most complicated way she's ever known.

She always thought Grayson is the most attractive person she's ever met. Unlike most people, she never saw his tall form and bulky built as the reason why, although it certainly served as an added bonus. No, what convinced Y/N about Grayson's beauty was something entirely different. It's in the way his forehead wrinkles and eyebrows furrow when she mutters something in her native tongue and he's utterly confused, not understanding a word she's saying, but still puts an arm around her in case she's upset and he just doesn't know it. It's in the way his seemingly intimidating gaze lights up like a Christmas tree whenever she walks into the room and he becomes the cuddliest person in the world. It's in the way he quirks his eyebrow when he's trying to flirt and in the way he smirks when he's trying to be suggestive and cute. It's in the way he drags the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip when he wants to kiss her so badly it hurts and it's in the way he smiles so widely when she tells him she loves him that she's sure she'll never see such a genuine human emotion in another human being. That's where his sex-appeal comes from in her eyes and she's memorized his face, every line and crevice, every imperfection she deemed perfection to last her eternity.

"You're staring." He opens one eye, feeling her gaze upon him. Their Sunday hike turned chaotic when a storm rolled in, so they stayed in and spent the day cuddling. To be honest, they both needed that. They needed to feel close and to feel each other's bodies as they needed air to breathe. Because for Grayson, Y/N is the air he breaths.

"I'm just thinking." She replies quietly, a graceful ghost of a smile dancing on her lips as if she's a little confused, but also completely sure of something that's a mystery to Grayson.

"About?" He wondered, running his fingertips across her upper arm and silently celebrating that she still gets chills from his touch.

"Us. You." She pauses. "Mostly you."

Grayson's face warms as she creeps closer and rests her arms on his shoulders. He always liked when she touched him, not in a sexual manor, just feeling her skin on his. He longed for it; he craved it. The way her nimble hands caress his face, or her gentle eyes met his own. Her beauty is incredible; his heart loving her more and more by the second until he's sure there's no room left for his growing heart inside his chest. He's always surprised by the amount of love he feels for her, the clear adoration she evokes in him. Whenever he thinks there's no way his love could grow, he's proven wrong. And that's his favorite thing about her; she showed him what endless amounts of love means.

"Falling in love with you feels like home. When you smile at me I feel invisible hands wrapping around me making me feel safe. When your eyes are locked on mine, it's like I can see galaxies in them. Having you in my life makes me feel like everything's possible in this world, like I can conquer anything. I don't regret meeting you and I know you might be my first but what I really wish in life is for you to be my last." She spills her heart open, bringing tears to Grayson's eyes.

"Wow, my allergies are really bad today." He uttered, wiping his tired eyes.

"Kako te samo volim, budalice. (If you only knew how much I love you, silly.)" Her words halt Grayson's movements and he narrows his eyes at her.

"No fair. What did you say?!" He demands a translation, but she just shakes her head and connects their lips swiftly.

"Nope. Learn the language or suffer in the dark." Y/N brushes her nose against his once more before returning in her original position, her head on his chest and eyes closed. He groans, but doesn't object. In that moment, he swore he'd try and learn her native tongue and at least be able to say something in it by her birthday which was only a few months away. It would be a great gift to go with what he already got her, solidifying his best boyfriend of the year status.

"You said Jesse can pick you up tomorrow?" Grayson remembers, making sure Y/N's taken care of for the morning. She nods in reply, nuzzling into him.

It's the first time he'll miss taking her to class which felt like a slap to the face, but his obligations are expanding faster than he expected and to the extent he didn't anticipate. With the gym for children with special needs being made and them producing five music videos in the next two months, making their own videos and going back to New Jersey to help their mother with the maintenance of their property as they promised...well, Grayson's got himself stretched thin and the time he missed spending with Y/N the past few weeks would be reduced greatly.

He's sure their relationship is strong enough to survive it, all of it. They still argue and their differences are as clear as day most of the time, but they always find a way around them. Their communication is perfect as their honesty is and that's why they work so well. When Grayson needs advice, Y/N's the one to stop him from doing something stupid or reckless. She points him in the right direction and never judges him nor Ethan for their lack of common sense as he likes to call it. She's his brain and it's why their videos have been amazing lately. He even planned a video with her in it after her birthday, but he'll have to butter her up for it.

While Y/N serves as Grayson's common sense, his brain, he's her heart. He helps her adjust to new people and new places, introducing her to his friends and world slowly. He softens her up, helping her to be open to adventure and chaos because that's what he and Ethan are. They're chaos and no amount of planning helps change that. So yes, Grayson is helping her let go of control and just learn to go where the current takes her. He makes her appreciate the little things and makes her laugh. He has her so enthralled, but it doesn't mean she's blind to his faults.

She hates how easily he throws his money around to buy the stupidest things simply to own them. She hates how he refuses to let her buy things on her own and in a way takes away bits and pieces of her pride. She hates how often he gets tattoos and though she'd never admit it, she doesn't like half of them. She hates and loves how casual he is about life. She hates and loves how he uses his charm to get out of things he shouldn't be able to get out of. She loves how he wants to save the world and never stops thinking of ideas to help people. She loves how he radiates positivity, even when he's feeling anything but. She loves how caring he is, truly caring in his core and how he never lets her clam up, making sure she's well.

In conclusion, she both loves and hates him and she would never change it.

I'm in love with a tattooed avocabo loving brand whore, she thought with a faint smile as she fell asleep in his arms.

When she woke up, Y/N was hazy and tired. She rubbed the sleep out her eyes, squinting to see how she's supposed to remove this Grayson-made cage off her body. His soft snores make her giggle lowly. While she could barely sleep with Mr. Snorelax at first, she now found the sounds soothing. They assured her he's there, that he's breathing and she was safe in his arms. Using both her hands to lift the arm he used to trap her in his embrace, Y/N slid from under it and placed her pillow in her stead. She put her clothes on in the bathroom, grabbed her prepacked bag and tiptoed to the bed. Leaning in, she kissed his left temple and caressed his hair gingerly. It's always hard saying goodbye to him, even for a short while.

Leaving the room, she goes for the fridge to grab the fruit salad Grayson always prepares the night before. She finds it in the bottom left corner of the fridge, furrowing her eyebrows once she finds a note on top of the container.

To keep my Lil' Birdie strong and healthy. You're my inspiration as I am yours. I love you.

Y/N feels like her entire body is physically melting with the note he left her. It's not unusual for Grayson to compliment her or get her flowers or her favorite food. He makes sure she takes enough water and leaves the room when she's studying. He reminds her to take her pills and he's the one who lets her vent for hours on end if that's what she needs. Then there are his surprise dates and gestures that leave her speechless. He always has something sweet waiting for her and she loved that side of him. She loved that he's a romantic, a hopeless one at that.

Putting the note in her wallet and the container in her bag, she walked out the front door and just as she's about to lock up a loud noise scares her. She turns around to find her friend Jesse in a car, pressing the horn. Waving her arms vividly, she runs to the car and hops in, stopping the noise.

"Drive, you maniac!" She orders, taking a cup of tea Jesse offers her. She loved being with Jesse, finding a sympathetic ear to listen to her problems and a great study buddy. Jesse always had great insight and offered advice a licensed therapist would. Jesse never judged her for being an international student, nor her connection to the twins. Jesse proved to be an amazing friend and one that made her feel good about herself. Gossip girls stayed away from them and she wasn't an outcast anymore. Though the situation with her being Grayson's girlfriend never stopped on the internet, she found it to be quiet in Jesse's company. There was no hate or jealousy, just friendship.

The entire day passed with Grayson not seeing Y/N. It's the first time he woke up and she wasn't there, but he didn't hold it against her. It's only natural for couples to do things on their own, even if some of those things used to be their special thing.

He groans, yelling CUT for the fifth time in a row. For some reason, the shoot was a disaster the entire day. People ran late, equipment broke and it was clear he'd probably stay and shoot all through the night.

To: Lil' Birdie

I'm sorry, babe, but I'll have to stay here over night. Do u need me for anything?

Y/N frowned upon reading his text, feeling tears well up in her eyes. Yes, they've grown codependent and clingy with each other because Grayson had tears prick at his eyes while typing the text too. It's going to be their first night away from each other since she moved to L.A. and she didn't want to be alone.

To: Gray-bear

Don't worry about me. I'll probably stay over at Jesse's. Love you, babe. You're doing great!

Grayson smiles at her text, but it doesn't lift the weight and pressure on his chest for not seeing her today. He needs her like the air he breaths, like his heart needs blood to beat and he realizes that's turning toxic now. It's not toxic when they're together, but it's a waste dump when they're away from each other. They need to have some space and time alone, or so he tells himself.

To: Lil' Birdie

Love u 2, Sunshine. Have fun xx

They lock their phones and lean back in their seats, feeling the same disruption in their mood despite being on opposite sides of the same city. They feel the same disruption in their mood precisely because they're on opposite sides of the same city.

Y/N couldn't sleep that night. Not without his soft snores and steel tight cuddles. She's grown accustomed to his presence and now she's lost it so abruptly. The ache of longing to be with him echoed through the very marrow of her bones. It was a chill wind trapped in the chambers of her heart.

Unfortunately, this occurrence that was supposed to be an isolated incident ended up becoming a new tradition. More often than not, Y/N would wake up to Grayson wrapped around her like she's his lifeline, but she doesn't know when he came back that night. He'd wake without her there, knowing she's with Jesse. They don't see each other during the day and Grayson often sends that dreaded 'pulling an all-nighter' text that breaks her heart. Half the time, she just stays with Jesse, using the time with a friend to push the anxiety creeping up on her.

It's no longer exam anxiety, but relationship anxiety.

Y/N is painfully aware her extremely tall, dark and handsome boyfriend is spending all his time with gorgeous models and artists now instead of being with her. She barely sees him anymore and even their texts and cute love notes have gone way down. The sane part of her mind is accepting and understanding, because that is his job and he can't just drop everything for her on demand. It tells her he's in love with her and he'd never hurt her. It assures her he's loyal and she trusts him. But the other part of her brain, that nagging part she can't shut down is screaming at her. It's screaming he's sex deprived because of her, that the models around him will surely flirt with him and she didn't know if he would resist them or let it happen. She didn't know if he even missed her anymore, because it's been almost a month and they spend twenty hours a week together and most of that time is while they're asleep.

And she knows she's overreacting and she should listen to sanity, but it's hard. It's hard because they've barely talked for a whole month and when communication is sparse, the relationship suffers greatly. Trust starts to dwindle and those opposites come back up and bite them in the ass. There's no time to work around them anymore, nor to talk things through. Hell, even their weekends have fallen victim to his obligations and it's eating her up alive.

She never knew that missing someone could take over every fiber of your being and wring you out like a wet sponge every day. It is a torment she was unprepared for. It's worse than it was when she had to leave him behind. It felt worse because she had some finality to their farewell then, giving her time to accept it as an appropriate goodbye. She didn't know what it means to have him, truly have him like she does now.

Another month passes and this one is harder than the last one. Grayson and Ethan had left her alone in the house, flying to New Jersey to help their mum and for a collaboration with Doctor Mike, the only other YouTuber she liked. It was her idea to begin with and she wanted to go with them, but they left a week before spring break and she was buried in exams.

And now, her birthday is twenty hours away, Grayson's still in New York and she hadn't heard from him in two days. All she got was a measly snap of a view and 'Thinkin' about u' written on it. No proclamations of love, not even a photo of his face. It no longer saddened her, but angered her as well.

She wipes the steam from the mirror, feeling a little better after crying her heart out in the shower. Staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, she's shocked. She looks okay, normal even. Inside, the ache for him gnaws at the very heart that still beats endlessly for him. She pulls her lips into a smile, and lets out a frightened sob when she realized that anyone could easily mistake this lackluster grin for real happiness. It amazes her to think how she reverberated to the cold persona she used to be before he softened her. She's brilliant in pretending to be okay, but she's desperate for someone to notice that she's not.

Jesse noticed, but she didn't want Jesse to fix her. She didn't want Jesse to love her or show her how to keep on going. She's clinging to the ruin of her broken heart.

From: Gray - bear

I'll be home for your birthday. Promise. Be ready at 5, babe xx

She waited for him to come home that day as he promised. That slight spring in her step returned as she went around the house and fixed it for the boys to come back to a clean place. She felt like a stranger in the house without Grayson and Ethan, especially when the quiet settled in and left her alone with her thoughts. That's why she spent most of her time at Jesse's. She couldn't handle the silence.

But now, she had hope and something to look forward to. Spring break finally started and she had time and means to spend it all with her boyfriend. She tried to push away the thoughts of her ever doubting him out her mind and just enjoy the day.

Her family called and she talked to them for a full hour, and another half an hour with her best friend from back home who got married just before Y/N left. She's pregnant now and Y/N feels like she's missing so many important events back home, making her sadder than she already is.

She went into the closet and picked out her favorite green dress with the lacy top and flowy skirt that spread from just above her love-handles and down to her knees. The back is open and the sleeves are covering only the upper portion of her shoulders. Beads shaped like flower petals beautify the part just above the skirt and below her bust. She ties a bow at the back and lets her hair loose. Curling it, she watches the curls bounce to her mid back, showing some skin. She took some time to truly put on her make-up, deciding to go for the wow factor James often told her would look good on her. It took a longer time than she anticipated, but her make-up was acceptable and actually accentuated her features well.

Proud, Y/N grabs her phone to check the time only to frown when she sees Grayson's twenty minutes late. She texts him, plopping down on their bed.

And she waits, and waits and waits but with no reply. She can see photos of him in LAX surface on twitter, fans tagging her too.

Shaking her head with a bitter chuckle escaping her lips, Y/N calls up Jesse to pick her up. She was done waiting for Grayson while her make up melts and her curls turn straight again. She needed to vent, to get the anger out or she'd explode.

Hearing the familiar horn ten minutes later, Y/N rushes to the door with an overnight bag in tow. She wanted to be with him for so long and now she couldn't bear the thought of him touching her. She couldn't believe how stupid she felt for believing he'd actually show up for her on her birthday. Sure, she understood and supported his absence for over a month now, but it piled on and on and even the most understanding person would burst by now. He had been a boyfriend in name only and she was tired of being with someone and still not having him with her.

All the things she loves about him annoyed her now. She hated how he folded their clothes when it was his turn to do the laundry and she hated the way he made the bed. He never cleaned his shower, she did and he never put the books she gave him for reading back on the shelf. While he seems as the clean twin, he's the messy one who tries not to be. She's not. She keeps things clean and she likes them in certain places around the house and when it's all changed up, it unnerves her.

So, yes. She needed a night to vent to her best friend who Grayson never bothered to meet despite her inviting him along constantly. She met all his friends and hung with them even when she didn't really like them or the way they treated her boyfriend. He never did the same for her and she only had one person to introduce him to.

Blinded by anger, she opens the door and to her surprise she finds Grayson down the driveway. He's talking to Jesse, turning to the house in slow motion and with a visibly disheveled appearance.

Y/N walks down, waving to Jesse. Grayson doesn't lean in like he used to do on instinct, as he's so used to Y/N pecking his lips whenever she walked by. Instead, he narrows his eyes and folds his arms across his broad chest. His nostrils flare and jaw clenches and Y/N can tell he's pissed.

"You're leaving with Jesse instead of spending your birthday with me?" He asks through gritted teeth, his jaw clenching so hard Y/N wonders how all his teeth are still intact.

"Oh, nice to see you too boyfriend who doesn't even answer his phone when I call anymore." She retorts, mimicking his position.

"Don't reflect my questions. You're leaving with your friend who is a GUY and I only find this out now?! You've been spending all your time with a guy, sleeping at his place and you didn't think that was important information to share?!" Grayson shouts, his booming voice forcing Y/N to step back and visibly flinch. He softens immediately, but the anger he feels is still burning in his eyes.

"The only reason you don't know he's a guy is because you never bothered to meet him. Oh, yeah, another thing, I waited for you for four hours! Hell, for two months if we're being real now!" She whisper shouts, refusing to raise her voice enough for the neighbors to hear.

Grayson chuckles dryly, shaking his head at her.

"You're serious now? I'm here and I want to spend time with you because yeah, I missed you! I just want you and you're basically cheating on me!" Grayson doesn't yell as loud as he did the first time around, but his voice is loud and filled with anger Y/N never saw in him before and she doesn't like it.

Not one bit.

"Whoa! We're just friends, man. Let up on her." Jesse gets out of the car, stepping between them to diffuse the situation. Y/N puts a hand on his shoulder and Grayson's eyes focus on it, only fueling the fire.

"She's my girl and I have every right to get answers from her." Grayson get in Jesse's face and Y/N's heart sinks. She's genuinely fearful of what's happening, afraid of Grayson's reaction. She's used to Grayson being loud, but always in a playful manor. Never like this.

"Jesse, you should go." She talks in a small, but calm voice which only alerts Jesse that he should stay.

"I'm not leaving you with this hothead." He tells her, keeping his place between them to make sure Grayson can't touch her.

"I won't hurt her." Grayson's face falls, realizing what Jesse implied. His eyes flicker to Y/N and her eyes are filled with unshed tears and something he never thought he'd invoke in her; fear.

"Baby... Y/N, you know I'd never. I'm just...frustrated and I don't understand why you never told me about him and I missed you. I MISS you so much it hurts. Please, baby, you gotta believe me." Grayson's voice cracks several times in his plea for Y/N's understanding and forgiveness.

His eyes meet hers, a silent conversation exchanging between them.

"Jesse, go. He won't hurt me." She tells him bleakly, not breaking eye contact with Grayson until Jesse turns to her in shock.

"How sure are you?" He asks, trusting her judgement. If Y/N says something, he trusts her on it unconditionally.

"Absolutely certain." Her voice is steady, no doubt in it which makes Jesse shake his head in response.

"Then you should know something." Jesse leans in, preparing himself to tell her the truth of things he didn't piece together until this night. He has witnessed one of Grayson's indiscretions and he wasn't going to keep his secret. He didn't owe him anything, but now that he's certain this man is the same one he saw, he knew he owed it to Y/N. She should know the truth.

"Your wonderful boyfriend here is the one who messed with your dorm room. He cancelled it for you." Jesse wasn't aware of it then, or maybe he was, but he opened a Pandora box when he spilled a secret Grayson was most ashamed of.

Y/N's stares blankly at Jesse, slowly moving her gaze to Grayson as her eyes narrow and her gaze turns into a glare.

"Jesse, go." She orders, stopping him before he objects. "GO."  And he does, leaving an active volcano in his wake.

Y/N turns on her heel, walking into the house briskly and without looking back. It takes a few moments before Grayson's capable of walking after her, knowing he has no defenses. He screwed up and he wouldn't blame her if she hated him.

He finds her pacing in the living room, gnawing on her lower lip and scratching her chin with her right hand. Her heels are kicked to the couch and her steps are quiet, but quick.

"I had no right." Grayson faltered. He had no words to explain his actions and definitely not ones to excuse his behavior from earlier. He should have trusted her as she trust him. He allowed the devil on his shoulder to win and now he has to suffer the consequences of all the devil's wins.

"No, you didn't...Do you even", she pauses, closing her eyes with her palm turned to him hanging in the air.

"Do you even know how it made me feel? You took my choice, my own place I got on my own merit and not because I'm with you! You took what I spent a month working to get and worst of all, you didn't tell me!" She lets out a bitter laugh, one that is followed with a shake of her head.

"You manipulated me into staying here, into something you knew I wouldn't take as my first choice! You knew I wanted to be independent and that I can't afford something other than the dorm. God, Grayson, do you even realize what you did?! How you've hurt me? Not just with that, but the mistrust?! You do realize that I wasn't completely happy with you being around all those models or about your fans always being inappropriate with you?! But I trusted you, even when my entire brain turned on me!" Her voice is hoarse already, laced with anger and pain he had only heard in the elevator on that fated day they met. The same day their love began and bloomed until Grayson burned it to the ground.

"I'm sorry." He falls to his knees.

"Please, forgive me. Please." He tugs at her dress, but she steps back.

"You! Ugh!" She's flushed, her hands made into fists and shaking by her sides. She's so angry at him that she'd rather claw at her skin than let him touch her. But she also wants his touch. It's like a drug, you both hate and crave it and eventually, she caves into her addiction.

She takes his hands and takes him to the bedroom, tears spilling from her eyes now as she takes her dress off while Grayson sits at the foot of the bed, unsure if he should leave or stay.

"I can sleep on the couch if you want me to." He offers, defeated and broken on the outside as he is on the inside.

"No. Just...hold me for tonight."

So he does. He holds her close, her back flush against his chest as he listens to her breathe. He missed the sound dearly.

Grayson doesn't even know what happened outside or who he was in that moment. He's never been that kind of a guy and worst of all, he scared the love of his life. He doesn't dare kiss her, afraid she'll change her mind and push him away.

It's just that the time they spent together decreased and when he started seeing Y/N's photos with some guy on social media and several of them at the time he asked her who she's with and she told him she's with Jesse. He assumed she lied to him, that she wanted to play him like he'd been played before. It shattered him.

So, yes, he's been angry. He has ignored Y/N and he tried to justify it in his mind, distancing himself from her while needing her the most. He promised himself he'd ask her about it and accept whatever explanation she gives him. But when he found Jesse in the driveway, his mind went to the worst possible outcome.

When morning comes, he'll face his punishment. He'll take whatever she throws at him, but for this night he'll just hold her. He can feel her sobs and his own follow. He'll just hold her while he still can. Until they cry themselves an ocean and tire out. And he did.

She pulls the pillow closer to her chest, gnawing on her bottom lip. Grayson doesn't even look up, choosing to stare at his fidgety fingers in his lap instead. Neither know how to verbalize what they feel, both feeling suffocated and troubled by everything.

"Maybe we were wrong." Y/N says quietly, taking a few short breaths in order to stop a choked sob from escaping her lips. Grayson looks up with furrowed eyebrows, torn about his own feelings and now the words coming from her mouth.

"Maybe we're just too different to make this work." She finished her initial statement, resting her chin on the purple pillow in her grasp to avoid Grayson's gaze.

Silence settles, finding a way to crack their hearts and the sound of their broken hearts shattering on the ground is almost deafening for Y/N to take. Instead of remaining quiet as Grayson is, she continues to speak in hopes of him talking her out of this. She wants him to be the dreamer she met, the same guy who wouldn't let her walk away from everything they've built without a fight. But he doesn't seem to be that guy anymore. He doesn't seem to be her Grayson.

"Opposites attract on paper, but how often do those stories have a happy ending? Were we wrong from the start?"

"No. We weren't. I messed up. I'm not worthy of you and I always knew that. If you want to do it - end this and you really don't love me anymore or you don't see anything worth fighting for, I'll let you go.“ Grayson sniffled, his entire body shaking.

She allowed him to explain how he feels and why he did what he did. He told her everything, even about the foundation he set up for her.

"It's not money I just gave you. Ethan and I both agreed to give you 33% of profits we made off videos you gave us an idea for. That's the money you got. You earned it and you've basically been earning money this entire time. We knew you'd say no to it, so we didn't make a contract or a non-disclosure agreement. It's money made thanks to you and you deserved it. That's the money that so called foundation gave you."

It's all in the open now and her choice, whatever it may be, will be his Constitution. Knowing he didn't just give her the money helped heal parts of her wounded pride, but it was still unnerving. It was difficult to accept he lied to her the entire time or him sabotaging her, much less the lack of trust he displayed. She knows it was the stress getting to him and the distance didn't help. He's been struggling more with his loss lately, changing his usual reactions as the anniversary passed. So she did understand. She just isn't sure if Grayson's state is temporary or he truly changed into this man she didn't recognize last night.

He can see her inner battle unravel and he can hear her breaking heart. He broke them both. It is a cruelty of life that a heart can keep on beating even after it has been broken in two. It can feel as though it is being gripped in an ice-cold vice and ache as if it will implode in your chest, but still the boom-boom continues.

"Do YOU think there's something left to fight for?" She directs her question to him, feeling the dark circles under her eyes as a weight of sorts, begging her to close her eyes.

"I do. I think we had something beautiful and the time we spent apart put a strain on us. Add stress and pictures taken out of context and you'll have yourself a mess. I know I've made mistakes, but I'm human. I never meant to hurt you, only help you. You're so stubborn and proud and I didn't want you to struggle. Not when I have more than enough to support you and your dreams. It wasn't a power play, but a genuine desire to give you a chance to do it all and be happy. I just want you happy and if I'm not your happiness anymore, I'll let you go. No strings attached." Grayson is grasping for straws, still holding onto hope that maybe their differences started to change into similarities. He hoped he rubbed off on her and she'd forgive him like he'd forgive her. He was ready to forgive her for cheating if that was the case, because that's how much he loves her and believes in a future with her.

"Think about it. Don't say anything right now if you're not sure. I'll just go get something quick." Grayson excuses himself and leaves. Y/N follows his disappearing figure with a hollow inside her filling up again. She wants to let him back in because no matter how angry his actions made her, she knows he meant no harm. She understands his motives and she'd probably do something similar for him if the roles were reversed. She wouldn't have manipulated him, but she'd surely work on convincing him to live together so he doesn't have those added costs of living. In some twisted way, what he did for her was genuine and his greatest proclamation of love. One she never wanted him to repeat, but was secretly grateful for.

As for trust, it's still there. Tensions were high and stressed out people often read too much into simple things and misunderstandings aren't uncommon. She would need time to get back to where they were, but she wanted to want to try. He was supportive and patient with her pain and mood swings, so she would be the same for him.

Grayson returned, a box with a bow in hands.

"I bought this for your birthday. At least open it." He's begging for her to do him this last kindness before ruining him for the rest of his life. He'll have to live with the knowledge he destroyed the best thing the universe ever sent his way; his soulmate.

Reluctant at best, Y/N opens the box. Her hand covers her mouth and quivering lips, her eyes looking over something she thought was gone forever.

"I tried to find the original company, but they stopped making them. So, I got a professional to fix it and customize some things." Grayson smiles weekly, satisfied she likes it.

Y/N takes her gift out of the box and gently runs her hand along the purple leather. The jacket Grayson ruined when she got hit by his Bronco; he fixed it and added something it didn't have.

"I thought it was gone. I didn't even ask about it so you wouldn't feel guilty. " She breaths out, finding her heart filling with love for this man who is so hauntingly human, mistakes and all.

"I hoped you wouldn't ask about it while I tried to mend it. Volim te, Y/N. Uvijek i zauvijek. (I love you, Y/N. Always and forever.)"

Y/N’s bottom lip quivers as she hears him speak of love in her native tongue. Though his accent is way off, the fact that he did this for her, that he tried enough to learn anything with his dyslexia meant the world to her.

Speechless, her mind struggling to even form coherent thoughts let alone words, Y/N moves her eyes to the writing on her jacket.

There's a whole message stitched into the inside of it, one proclaiming his love for her.

I keep falling in love with you and each time is harder than the last. Every time the feeling gets deeper, more complete, more bewitching. There isn't a thing I wouldn't do to keep you safe. Don't ever think you have to ask for my affection because you don't, and you never did. The more love I give you the more I have bursting inside of me. Were we ever strangers? I'm not sure we were. That day I first saw you there was something even then. I wonder if there's an element of time that allows us to feel a strong love through time and space, different realities. I remember the day our bond was forged. It was like being let into the warmth after a lifetime of winter. I could never wish to go back to even a day before that. You are the greatest treasure of my life, the one, the only one.

Love, G.B.D.

"I - I can't b-believe you did this for me." She feels her anger dissipate, opening the way to let the reasons why she fell for him back in. It's a long way from forgiveness, but it's a good start.

She wants to fight too. She does. She will.

She folds the jacket and presses it to her chest, holding back tears again.

"I want to fight too. We're real and I think we're worth saving. I promise to stop being so stubborn and let you help me out if you promise to be completely honest with me. No more lies, no more petty arguments and silent treatments. You answer when I call and I'll do the same." She clears her throat.

"You made a mistake, a couple of those. But you're not past saving Grayson. You're still that man I fell in love with. We just have to work out these issues before they pile on like they did now. We'll always have times in life where we're apart and communication is key. Don't freeze me out. Let me in your inner circle as I did with you. You've obviously been hurt like this before. But I won't do that to you. Not ever. No matter how bad things get, okay? Being this open, this emotionally vulnerable is hard enough with one person, so yeah...trust me...you're the only one in my heart and soul. I want to be so confident with you and yet these old insecurities come back for one last jibe...it'll be okay though, it's like winter. It passes eventually, allowing the warm days to return and my faith in you to grow all the more. " She finishes, watching as Grayson's lips part.

"Relationships are work and I'm willing to work on ours. I choose to love you every day and every night, even when I hate you I will love you. I'll choose you over and over again, until my last breath." He takes her hand in his, inwardly screaming when she doesn't move it away. He moves seats, settling by her side and cupping her cheek. He's testing her limits, watching her carefully for signs of distress.

"I want to marry you some day." He hears her sharp intake of breath and cracks a smile, knowing he's going too fast and coming on too strong.

"But only when you're ready. Until then, I will wait patiently and make sure you know I'm all in. Always."

Y/N traces his jawline with the tip of her finger, slowly leaning in until their lips touch and her entire being ignites. She could never give him up, not for anything in this world. Her heart is his as his is hers and there's no way of denying it. Not that she wants to. Ever.

They kiss, letting go of the pain and anger they held onto and forgive each other for their sins to allow healing in.

And in that moment a new understanding is born between these wounded souls. No matter how much you love someone, love is never enough. You have to work on your relationship, develop it in every way possible until it's so strong even death cannot cut the emotional tether the souls have created. Their differences make their road harder, but parting is no longer an option for them. He is her anchor in a storm and she's his guide when the night falls.

Perhaps they aren't so different after all? The very things that put a rift between them are those that keep them together. They fit, like long lost puzzle pieces.

You know, legend has it humans were two headed, four armed and four legged creatures with two sets of organs...two sets of everything but their soul. Zeus feared humans would become too powerful so he used thunder to break a soul in two and bodies part into the same form we know today. He cursed humans to walk the earth in search of their other half, of their soul and we all assume that other part is similar to the one we carry inside.

But what if it's a polar opposite? Pulling onto what soul you have left like a magnet, desperately pushing closer until it's whole again and the world finally makes sense. It can happen anywhere, anytime; whether it's in the middle of a busy street or in the silence of a library, maybe in a rainforest or a desert.

For Y/N and Grayson, it happened on a street, right after he ran her over with his car. And time stood still, allowing their souls to connect and become whole once more after centuries of searching.

All the ups and downs they endured led to that one moment where they, polar opposites, finally found the secret of life: opposites attract.

-----> When a realist dreams (part three)

Tags: @xalayx @heeydolan @accalialionheart @fallinginlove-16 @ourlittleshawnie @ashwarren32

[magicrested-a]

okay so far i’m thinking Wyatt comes to the Salvatore School in episode eight while the focus is on Hope & Alaric finding Landon. But, here we go! a plan of what he’s been doing. my sweet dumb son. Just a little note too that Wyatt is very hush hush about the fact that he fights demons. @melliwell​ and I have come up with a lil hc that explains why demons aren’t very common in legacies and it has a lot to do with Mystic Falls almost having a ‘barrier’ against demons (shay can explain it better like i suck at this stuff haha) so demons aren’t as common for them. They’re the ‘baddest bads almost’ while for wyatt, they’re bread and butter. 

However, Wyatt doesn’t keep it from them for that reason. He mostly just doesn’t talk much about demons simply because he doesn’t want to seem like a freak - or to scare people. Only Alaric knows the full history and details about Wyatt thanks to Piper. But in student teacher confidentiality, he keeps it private.

( also this is hecken long and im sorry i get way into shit so it’s under the read more! )

SEASON 1

EPISODE EIGHT - Maybe I Should Start From The End

After losing control of his powers in a very severe way ( detailed explanation here ) Wyatt is brought to the school by Piper and Leo who are shown around by Emma and Dorian (while Alaric is off with Hope on ‘business’). They are given a tour and eventually Dorian and Emma take Piper and Leo to Alaric's office to talk further about ‘details’. Wyatt is then left with MG who gives him a tour, shows him where all his classes are and where his room is. Wyatt is less than enthusiastic and while he’s not rude - he just doesn’t show much attention to it all and is a little sassy about the whole vampire deal. He doesn’t talk to anyone other than MG and a few people who are curious about him. But when Hope and Landon come back. Wyatt is immediately drawn to Hope - who wouldn’t be?

EPISODE NINE - What Was Hope Doing In Your Dreams?

Wyatt is introduced to Alaric and has a conversation with him about the school, why he’s there and how they can help. Wyatt doesn’t accept Alaric’s promise at first. He finds it all very insincere and is sarcastic towards him. He doesn’t mean to be so cold towards him, rude even, but the whole situation has left Wyatt very bitter - while he’s trying to hide how scared he is. Being separated from his family is extremely hard for him but Wyatt knows that he needs to be at that school.

Though, when he hears about the monsters targeting the school and eventually the night hag. Wyatt goes from bitter, to annoyed really quick. This school was supposed to be a safe, calm place. In some part of his mind, he was hoping he’d get the chance to just live as himself - to leave all the monsters and demons behind. Eventually, after asking around, he’s caught up on the history of the monsters and their obsession with the school. 

For the first few days that Wyatt had been at the school he’d only met MG and seen the rest around. But when Hope gets the team together and explains the plan he sneaks in, sits in and listens for a short while, until volunteering to help. It’s then that Wyatt meets Kaleb, Landon, Rafael, and properly - Hope. None of them trust him, they don’t know him and he followed them and eavesdropped on them but when he says he can and wants to help, they let him stay.

He doesn’t actually have as much as a nightmare that the rest do. Rather, he’s stuck in darkness - not like malivore (more like the underworld only less caves), but full of thick shadows that wrap around him. While the rest are dealing with their nightmares, he’s just stuck in that empty place trying to find a way out. 

EPISODE TEN - There's a World Where Your Dreams Came True

In this episode Wyatt mostly just focuses on his classes and has his first session with Emma. He’s very reluctant to open up, despite Emma knowing a lot about him already. Wyatt just has never felt comfortable being open and vulnerable. He’s had too much of a history where being that has hurt him, or others, even more. So its not as much of a productive session and more just Emma trying to make Wyatt feel comfortable with her. She teaches him some tricks to manage his anger and encourages him to try meditation. On the way out from his meeting with Emma he accidentally bumps into Josie while her and Lizzie were storming towards their fathers office. 

In the first two dream worlds, Wyatt doesn’t actually attend either schools. But in the third world he’s a vigilante who isn’t good or bad. He’s just angry (when is he not ha) and lost and scared. The world thinks he’s dead because he’s in hiding but he works to keep witches safe from Triad. 

EPISODE ELEVEN - We’re Gonna Need A Spotlight

In this episode Wyatt becomes more comfortable with Emma and begins to open more and more up to her. Only Emma, Alaric and Dorian know about who he is. While he doesn’t keep his past/his lineage much of a secret - the details of his life are things he tends to keep from people (like how powerful he really is, his twice blessed status and the demons/torture esp the demons considering Mystic Fall’s lack of them). He doesn’t want to seem like any more of an outcast, or that he’s reaching for sympathy. So when Emma becomes the only one he’s ever had the chance to talk to about everything. It really begins to help. Hope and Wyatt become closer and in her preppy (infected state) she encourages him to hang out with them more. 

He’s been a loner at the school since then, only really talking to MG and a few others. And really, he still doesn’t feel comfortable hanging around the gang. But when he’s infected by the slug his personality changes from guarded to arrogant and ‘charming’. He’s instantly talking to more people, showing off his powers and just telling everyone things he usually wouldn’t. And maybe, when it gets worse. Probably scaring them - getting too intense with his powers - thinking its just ‘harmless fun’ which, physically, it is but he is scaring people and getting too reckless with his powers. He becomes a bit too prideful, not so much that it becomes a problem for everyone, or that he’s going to hurt anyone or trying to but he’s definitely not himself. 

When the slug is expelled from him and killed he reverts back and becomes even more guarded, avoiding a lot of the students - especially Hope and the gang. He goes to Alaric and demands that he expel him. He’s terrified of what he could do if something like that happened again - he knows he’s dangerous and by staying there he could ruin everything, hurt too many people. But Alaric convinces him that everything will be okay. 

EPISODE TWELVE - There’s A Mummy On Main Street / EPISODE THIRTEEN - The Boy Who Still Has A Lot of Good To Do

While he’s closer with the gang, spending the odd days more and more with MG. Wyatt still feels like the odd one out. When Landon, MG & Raf go on their trip for spring break, MG convinces Wyatt to come with them just so he’d stop ‘moping around’ and being a loner. At first, he tries to get out of it, saying he has too much homework to do and catch up on. But eventually he ends up going with them and the boys actually get him to open up to them more. It’s a good little bonding moment and Wyatt finally relaxes around them - especially after his lapse with the slugs and lowered inhibitions. He becomes like he is when he’s home. Dorky, confident, ready to help anyone and make them smile and tells them more about himself. (tbh i forgot that these two eps happened at the same time and look there is a reason why wyatt doesn’t go home immediately for spring break i just havent thought of it yet - and that is a new panic! at the disco song title).

But eventually, when things go bad. Wyatt, vulnerable to vampires, is knocked out after trying to pull MG off Landon. He doesn’t wake up till the morning and barely remembers what happened. 

Without the use of his orbing, in the middle of nowhere - a large gash on the back of his head -  he wonders around the forest looking for the guys. But when he gets too light headed, struggling to see and breathe he passes out nearby a main road. He never should have left the school. In fact, he wasn’t supposed to. He was Wyatt Halliwell out with a few kids who didn’t know the severity of his life and the danger he was always in. In the end, he’s kidnapped by demons, lost to his parents, the school and the whole magical world. 

EPISODE FOURTEEN - Let’s Just Finish The Dance 

Waking up, all he sees is darkness. There’s a thick sludge on the back of his head, stuck to where the wound was. There’s no pain, no blood, he’s still dizzy but he’s okay. At least, he thinks he is. But leaving the school - no one even knowing where they were - Wyatt knew it wasn’t going to end well. He made a promise to his mother to stay at the school, to be smart because they weren’t there to keep him safe. But he screwed up and now he’s stuck in the underworld because of it. 

At first, he’s cocky. He’s always cocky - poking the bear as much as he can. They don’t scare him. Not completely. But when he starts to realise that these demons aren’t just winging it. He begins to lose more and more of his faux confidence. The demons start to torture him, cutting him with athames, using their powers, burning him. And when they remind him that he’s alone - it really starts to break him down. 

It’s all payback of course, for Wyatt not only being who he is - but for vanquishing one of the members in their clan. But shortly, being trapped for two days, Wyatt is saved by his family. Alaric helps to find him, feeling extremely responsible for it all but after everything, furious, Piper pushes him away. With that and the looming threat of Malivore Alaric focuses on his students. It’s only two days after it all that he hears about Wyatt being safe again and that he won’t be returning to his school (at least until Wyatt convinces his mother to let him go back in s2). To keep Wyatts secret he tells everyone that Wyatt had to go back home because his grandfather was ill. Only Landon, Raf & MG know more details, but even they are a lie. To explain what happened to Wyatt after he was knocked out, Alaric tells them that - essentially he’s home safe. But before that he was found by a family, after waking up trying to find help, and taken to a nearby hospital. 

EPISODE FIFTEEN - I’ll Tell You A Story & EPISODE SIXTEEN - There’s Always A Loophole 

After being found by his Mother and Aunts Wyatt spends the last episodes of s1 recovering from his torture / kidnapping. He finds out from his Mom that everyone is okay but doesn’t hear the full story or that Landon is a Phoenix or what happened after he was knocked out (Rafael being stuck between turns, MG killing Landon / being bit). A lot of his injuries couldn’t be healed, so his body takes a little longer to mend than usual. He’s exhausted and Piper isn’t ready to let him go back to Salvatore's. In fact, she pulls him out of the school all together and tells him that she doesn’t want him going back. But eventually after a lot of back and forth fighting Wyatt convinces her to let him return to the boarding school.

However, he doesn’t start back until the new year/semester in season 2. He misses everything that happens with Landon (and essentially Hope but ofc, like everyone else, he doesn’t remember her) and the attack on the school. 

SEASON 2 

EPISODE TWO - This Year Will Be Different

Returning with a better attitude than when he first started attending the Salvatore School Wyatt meets up with the gang and is completely filled in. He’s distraught for Landon, knowing how he would be if Chris was trapped in a situation like Raf is and offers Landon any help he needs with Raf. 

With Emma gone. Wyatt tries to rely more and more on the techniques she left him. He starts a journal, not really writing down what’s happened that day but more what’s bothering him. It becomes single words, drawings and even spells. Its just somewhere where he can empty his mind, really empty it, without anyone judging him or being scared of what’s really going on inside him. 

Hearing that Alaric is no longer the headmaster leaves Wyatt a little apprehensive about the situation. He talks about it to Dorian, who he’s grown quite comfortable with too - being reminded of one of his uncles in him. But eventually he understands. However, when the new headmaster is introduced, alarm bells immediately go off in his head. Throughout the whole assembly, he’s watching him, fighting the urge to say something. He doesn’t like his ‘we’re better than people’ conversation and it really rubs him the wrong way. No matter what, he doesn’t trust him - at all.

EPISODE THREE - You Remind Me Of Someone I Used To Know

In this episode Wyatt mostly just focuses on his studies and work on controlling his emotions / powers. He sneaks out late at night to the gym to train but also to use more of the powers that he keeps hidden from everyone else. But while he’s training, he uses it to relieve his anger and fear. Its the one thing he’s always found helps and doing it when others are around is always dangerous so he hasn’t had much of a chance to do so. 

However, while he’s doing just physical training, punching a boxing bag, his scars start to hurt. While he is mostly fully healed from when he was kidnapped he over does it and has to stop. (idk why this is relevant but shh i’m putting it in). 

When the morning comes and the announcement is made about the football match Wyatt wants to participate at first but ends up storming out muttering ‘that’s cheating’ when everyone is cheering for Landon. After ‘disappearing’ when things got tough for the school, Wyatt hasn’t got a good reputation with the other students and they all just think he’s jealous. But he’s just angry with how the Headmaster treats people. After all, he’s been taught a very different way to most witches. That and half his family are human, he, for all intents and purposes, is more or less human. Its wrong to him and it bugs him to no end. 

He ends up going to speak to Vardemus who, speaks first (’thinking’ wyatts going to him to ask to play with the stallions) and says its ‘not a good idea, with wyatts temperament’ to play. And all that does, is make him even more furious. So he’s back to the chalk board, punching that boxing bag while everyone is out watching the game. Eventually, after cooling off, he goes to watch the second half, which turns him from mad to genuinely concerned. 

EPISODE FOUR - Since When Do You Speak Japanese?

tbh i’m dumb and just see wy being pretty absent in this ep/can’t think of much he’d be doing. But he probs is just hanging out with MG a bit more and listens to MG when he tries to tell him about Lizzie’s new date. After the game from the past episode, he’s definitely more convinced that Vardemus is not who he says he is. He’s obsessed with it, determined to find out the truth and ends up threatening him in a very ‘non obvious way’ something like ‘if the people i care about are hurt, there’s nothing i wont do to protect them.’

[darcyckennedy]

☆— HEY UPPER EAST SIDERS, SPOTTED:  d who looks just like kendall jenner. according to an anonymous source she is perfect contour, wild after parties, & teddy coats to make up for a lack of cuddles. she was last caught listening to miss you by louis tomlinson. the cisfemale is from the upper east side and attended constance billard. DARCY COX KENNEDY still lives in the city at twenty three and is currently a socialite & philanthropist. let’s see what she is going to do next. xoxo, gossip girl. ( admin tamia. nineteen. est. she/her. )

WOW okay, hi there ! i’m tamia, the admin of the group...can i just say i love you all already for applying and applying with such amazing character’s that i cannot wait to start plotting with. a little about me i guess, i’m a nineteen year old college student who lowkey doesn’t wanna be a college student...the dream is the be an actress but my mom’s all “go to college” “the only way to make something of yourself is through college” so yeah. i’m a part-time waitress at the OG aka olive garden so i make alot of Bread jokes that are really bad, i get them from the guests honestly. but that’s enough about me, let’s get to my lil peanut here who is truly a mess, i apologize in advance for her guys.

darcy was born to two elite heavy weights. her mother, georgina cox, is a american billionaire heiress the great-granddaughter of james m. cox the founder of cox enterprises. her father, john f. kennedy jr, was a american lawyer and the son of president john f. kennedy. yes, she’s a kennedy guys. 

one month old. her parents broke up after a six year relationship. staying amicable to co-parent although she mostly lived with her father. staying with her mother a couple days of of the week. as her mother was often off in atlanta, with darcy’s grandmother. it was clear from infancy that she was daddy’s little girl, so the fact that she was with him more only made sense.

one year old. her father and carolyn bessette got married. darcy was the flower girl, and truly adored carolyn. the wedding is one of the few days she vividly remembers with her father. 

four years old. her mom decided to bring her down to georgia with her for a family event. her dad and carolyn decided to go out to martha’s vineyard during this time where they inevitably crashed the plane and were lost at sea. she was supposed to be picked up by her father three days after but was instead brought back to manhattan by her aunt caroline. 

two months later. her aunt kept what happened to her parents a secret for months, initially telling her they couldn’t leave massachussetts due to bad weather conditions, then they suddenly went to africa for philanthropic work. before she knew it darcy had become a completely different child, starting to project her her anger and fear that her father had abandoned her onto others. 

the truth. during this time her mother finally stepped forward, brought darcy on a trip to martha’s vineyard and told her about her father and stepmother’s death. it became clear that the trip was specifically meant for darcy to say goodbye to them at their burial.

the aftermath. darcy was distraught for months, it was hard for a young child to wrap her head around the sole person she had attached to being gone forever. her mom immediately found her a psychiatrist who darcy saw twice a week. instead of moving back in with her aunt she moved in with her mom, the two never got close but her mom was the only person that darcy felt she could trust because she was the only one who told her the truth about her father. 

ten years old. her attitude became worse. she had truly turned into the stereotypical ues child. it had become too much for her mother to bear and so darcy moved in with her great uncle ted kennedy at the kennedy compound in cape cod. he was possibly the best thing to ever happen to her, he told her endless stories about her father and grandfather which helped her feel closer to both of them. this was when she really started to grow back into the young women her father would have wanted her to become.

thirteen years old. ted and darcy set up a memorial service for her father, at the same cathedral in washington d.c that her grandfather’s service was held. the whole family was invited and because of this it became extremely publicized but darcy didn’t care, this was meant for her to say a proper goodbye to her father and nothing could ruin that for her.

fourteen years old. her great uncle had been diagnosed with brain cancer fifteen months prior, she had stayed with him throughout the whole journey, refusing to leave his side, he had become the closest thing to her father over the years that she lived with him. he died at the kennedy compound in the summer and darcy reluctantly had to move back to manhattan and live with her mom. his death affected her nearly as much as her father’s and it’s a death she carries with her everyday. 

psychiatric state: upon her return to the ues her mom once again immediately put darcy into counseling a different and more renowned psychiatrist this time. darcy quickly started to feel like her mother stuck her with a psychiatrist so she wouldn’t have to talk to her daughter about everything that’s gone on, her mother instilled this idea that you don’t talk to anyone about your troubles but a psychiatrist, to everyone else you need to come off happy and content with life no matter how hard it gets. her psychiatrist dr. hill has helped her through alot but she still struggles everyday feeling like she’s a victim of the infamous kennedy curse. 

return to the ues. darcy’s return to the upper east side was a whirlwind to say the least. she came back right in time four the first day of highschool. it was a big day to say the least as no one expected her arrival. she reuniting with old friends, was swarmed by paparazzi once again, and made new friendships. she was different this time though, poised, friendly, and charismatic unlike the blair waldorf-esque self she was as a child.

constance billard. during school she was very academic. history was possibly her favorite, maybe because her family was apart of it. she participated in debate team and lacrosse, which she became captain of both by her senior year. she graduated constance with a 3.9 gpa and was accepted into columbia, harvard, and brown. she was tempted to attend brown just to feel a bit closer to her dad but decided to opt out of college all together. 

socialite & philanthropy. coming out of school she decided to dive head first into some charity work, from working with unicef to the national brain tumor society. by twenty she became a unicef ambassador and started her own foundation, the darcy kennedy foundation, a nonprofit organization focusing on finding better treatments for cancer patients as well as helping children who have lost their parents due to any sort of fatal event. and of course being who she is she’s been paid to attend events, galas, and parties since she was about fifteen years old, a true american socialite lol.

publicity. as much as everyone tried, it was an impossible feet for a kennedy to stay out of the lime light, especially when you’re the daughter of jfk jr. despite the attempts made by her parents and other family members darcy was often spread across magazine covers, and webpages. as she grew older it only seemed to get worse. 

personality. today, darcy is kind, caring, and charismatic. she’s the girl who walks around with a resting bitch face but will walk up to you with a bright smile and compliment your head to toe and genuinely mean every word. to piggyback off that she is extremely genuine and because of this she is also rather loyal, if she cares for you, you never have to worry about her doing something to hurt you or that could hurt you int he slightest. she is rather mature due to everything she’s gone through in life and because of this is often the voice of reason, a total mom friend but don’t think for a minute she doesn’t know how to have fun, because darcy can truly be the life of the party and is always down for an adventure; she is loud, witty, and just overall a good time think, imari stuart. 

romantic life. when it comes to relationships the girl is a mess. she dated a brooklyn boy during sophomore year, but she never got past the lust phase with him and so she broke things off with him six months later (wanted connection *cough* *cough*). during junior year she started dating a guy who was everything she was looking for in the last, she fell head over heels for him almost immediately, which was really her downfall in the end. he’s broken her heart more times than one, but she can’t seem to let him go even six years later. she’s had hook ups and short lived relationships sprinkled in between while her and sawyer aren’t together but no one compares in her eyes; she’s been with girls, guys, and everyone in between in an attempt to find someone to get her mind off of her ex but nothing works.

fun facts. her first car was a used 1994 saab that was not in style or cool by any means it was her dad so she didn��t car, but now she owns a few cars that could genuinely put most cars to shame lmao (found here), loves all kinds of music and you never want to put her on aux unless you want to listen to a whole lot of classics/throwbacks like queen, frank sinatra, usher, the beatles, and britney spears, she’s slept with leonardo dicaprio (weird flex i know), she moved out when she was 18 and currently lives at 12 east 88th street (found here), if you’re ever looking for her you can probably find her at a bar with a burger in one hand and a glass of sangria in the other, she is 5′10″ and has a tendency of wearing high heeled boots with give her even more height, she’s never done a narcotic a day in her life but will drink anyone and their father under the table, her great-uncle left most of his belongings to his widow but he did leave darcy 50million dollars for her trust fund, while her father left her everything from material assets to 100million dollars that also went to her trust, when she was 18 she was given her trust found including 100million from her mother.

[mysterykidscasefiles]

Mystery Kids and the Case of the Whispering Rock

Summary: Norman, Neil, Coraline, Wybie, Raz and Lili arrive at Grunkle Stan’s Summer Camp with the hope of having a summer of fun, or in the case of the two Psychonauts, with the intent of investigating a psychic disturbance. When they meet two twins that seem to be experts on the secrets of Gravity Falls, they find themselves reluctantly teaming up. But how much can they actually trust each other? There are secrets in this town, but more surprising are the secrets being kept from each other.

Table of Contents

Chapter 17: Coraline’s Nightmare

“Lili, wait!” Raz called after her, but the door to the Shack had already slammed closed behind the angry girl.

Raz followed after her quickly and yanked the door open, the worn wood of the door protesting loudly against Raz’s harsh treatment. He stepped inside and scanned the Shack for Lili. He found Stan slumped over asleep in his armchair; the glow from the TV flickered across Stan’s face as some black and white soap opera continued to play.

Lili was nowhere to be seen, so in a move that was as reflexive as breathing, Raz opened his mind and reached for her in hopes that her emotions would help him locate her faster.

Instantly, Raz was hit with an unexpected wave of regret and self-loathing that caused him to recoil and take a step backwards. He quickly sensed that these emotions were not from Lili. They lingered from a time long since passed and hung in the old Shack in the form of psychic residue. Usually, psychic residue would decrease overtime, but the maelstrom of betrayal, loss, and desperation clung stubbornly to the walls of the Shack like an old grudge. Regret was a bitter taste in the air, and Raz could almost swear he could hear long forgotten words that were never said but should have been.

Raz gritted his teeth and took a step further into the house. His instincts told him to shield his mind again until the psychic residue was once more nothing but a muted murmur in the back of his mind, but he had to find Lili, and the quickest way to do that was to keep his mind open and search for her.

However, the longer he left his mind open, the more Raz could feel himself self drift deeper and deeper into the kaleidoscope of emotions the old Shack contained. He could tell the psychic residue came from at least two different people, one lost in the throes of desperation and paranoia and the other just… lost.

Raz got the distinct impression that he… no not himself, but one of the people who left such an imprint in the Shack (although it was getting harder to tell the difference between where his emotions ended and the other’s began...), had lost something important. Something as a part of him as an arm or a leg. Something irreplaceable.

No… it wasn’t something… it was someone.

An unshakable, feeling of hopelessness crawled up from below the floorboards and clawed at his chest, it’s fingers winding around his heart and squeezing until he could barely breathe.

What have I done?

This is all my fault…

I need… I need to get him back!

Raz gasped, his heart pounding wildly as he yanked mind away. He forced his lungs to take a deep breath, and he used everything he could remember from his Psychonauts training to untangle his own emotions from the residue.

Raz stared down at the floorboards where the most intense emotions were seeping up from. Did this place have some sort of basement, and if it did, what in the world had happened down there so many years ago?

Raz took a few breaths to steady himself and he continued to break his mind free from the psychic residue. These impressions left behind seemed almost familiar in a way, but Raz knew he couldn’t dwell on them any longer or he would risk getting sucked in again. His extra sensitivity came in handy as a psychonaut, but right now it would only burden him if he couldn’t learn to control it.

He forced himself to focus on only the newer emotions. He thought of Lili, how she was probably feeling right now, and it didn’t take long to locate her once he had managed to orient himself properly to the emotions in the Shack. He could sense her in the room the twins had introduced them to as the guest room.

Raz followed followed Lili’s emotions and hesitated before the door, the waves of anger and hurt coming from Lili only made him feel more nervous about entering. Raz thought about knocking, but he pushed the notion aside and entered the room. He knew full well that Lili had already sensed him, and she wasn’t one for pleasantries, especially not when she was this upset.

He found her sitting on the ugly orange couch with her arms crossed and her back half turned away from him.

“Lili…” Raz said softly as he closed the door behind him.

“Save it, Raz,” She cut him off harshly. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I think we need to talk about it.” Raz insisted cautiously as he moved to sit on the couch next to her.

Lili shifted further away from him and he sighed.

“Lili?” he prompted again.

Silence was his only answer. How was he supposed to do anything to help her when she shut him out like this?

Gently, Raz mentally reached out to read her thoughts, but he wasn’t surprised to find she had put up a mental block between them. Not even a passing surface thought would get through the barrier she carefully constructed around her mind.

Raz mildly wondered if she had blocked her thoughts and not her emotions because she wanted him to know how angry she was, or if in her anger, she had forgotten to hide her emotions.

Raz knew that he could push through into her head. Lili was a powerful psychic, but he had her beat when it came to mental defenses and he could find a way to get through her barrier if he tried. However, he knew that invading her privacy would only make things worse between them. She had to want to talk to him, and right now, it felt like she didn’t want anything to do with him.

Raz sighed and leaned back against the couch. He had no idea what happened, or why Lili had gotten so upset. He and Lili fought occasionally, but usually when they did, they would argue, get their points across, and when things had finally cooled down they would figure out a solution. It was a pretty good system, and as partners they needed to be able to work together even when they had conflicting ideas.

However, this was different. Now Lili was just shutting him out! How was he supposed to make anything better if she wasn’t willing to talk about it?

“Are you mad that I didn’t agree with you or that I didn’t back you up?” Raz asked finally.

One of the first things the Psychonauts taught them were partnered Agents were always supposed to present with a united front. Even if they disagreed with each other privately, they weren’t supposed to let it show to others when they were on a case. If their enemies sensed that they lacked cohesion, then that could be used against them. Raz had to admit, he probably could have handled his response better, but she had asked him the question so suddenly he hadn’t known how to react without lying.

Slowly, Lili unfolded her arms, but she didn’t turn around to look at him. “Both, I guess…” She admitted softly. “I just didn’t think that you would disagree with me.”

Raz looked over at her in surprise. “Lili… do you… do you really believe that?” he asked. “Do you really believe that normal people can never accept psychics?”

To Raz’s surprise, Lili turned to face him and there was a small, pitying smile on her face. “Sometimes I forget how new you are to the psychic world.”

“What do you mean?”

Lili sighed to herself and pulled her feet up on the couch until she sat cross legged. She was staring down at her hands in her lap, her expression distant.

“Did you ever ask any of the kids in camp what their life was like before they came to Whispering Rock?” Lili asked. “Did they ever tell you about their family or the kids at their school?”

Raz gave his girlfriend a look. “I was a little busy, Lils. I was trying to gain every merit badge before I was forced to go home, and then there was that little matter with everyone’s brains being stolen.”

Lili rolled her eyes. “I thought so.” Her eyes met his gaze again. “Well, if you had talked with them more, you would have heard the same story again and again. Psychic kids with normal parents who don’t know what to do with them, so they ship them off to a psychic summer camp.  Sending them away is easier than having to deal with their kid’s weird powers. Of course that’s not true for all of the kids. Some of them come from psychic families, but not all of them are as lucky.”

“Come on, I’m sure not all non psychic parents are looking for an excuse to get rid of their kid,” Raz reasoned. “Most parents want what’s best for their kid, right? They can’t teach their kid how to control their powers, so they sent them to Whispering Rock to get the training they need.”

“And I’m sure that’s exactly what they tell themselves,” Lili said spitefully. She paused and seemed to be carefully considering what she was going to say next. “You went into Doctor Loboto’s mind in the Rhombus of Ruin. I read the report. His parents feared and hated him for being psychic. Unfortunately, this isn’t uncommon for psychic children who have normals for parents. Even at school, psychic children get shunned by the other kids and teachers. Many normals can tell that there is something different about them, even if they can’t tell what it is. And psychic kids feel like outcasts, because they have to hide who they really are.”

“Luis said something about that happening at his old school,” Raz noted. “And you said you had the same problem with your school too. You said it was best for psychics stick with their own kind.” Raz felt like he was looking at his girlfriend anew. During the conversation earlier that day on the lakeside, Lili had mentioned she never felt like she got along with normals. That conversation had worried Raz a little bit, but he had mostly chalked it up to Lili not wanting to be social. It wasn’t until now that he realized that she truly believed that friendships between psychics and normals were impossible.

“I guess…” Raz said, trying to wrap his head around this new realization. “I guess I didn’t realize how strongly you felt about this.”

Lili shrugged. “Most of the psychic world feels the same way.”

“But-”

Lili cut him off with a shake of her head. “I’m sorry Raz, I know your mom’s not psychic. I wasn’t trying to say anything about your family. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It’s okay, Lili. In a way, you’re right. My mom is still trying to get used to the psychic thing. My dad too, and he actually is psychic.”

Lili nodded thoughtfully. “It’s okay if we don’t agree on everything, but while we’re working on a case we can’t disagree openly like that. We need to be a team.”

She gave him a pointed look and Raz nodded. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay… I didn't exactly handle it the best,” Lili admitted, playing with the end of one of her braids. “I shouldn’t have run off like that.”

“It’s been a long day,” Raz supplied. “We’ll both do better next time, right?”

She smiled for a split second before it faded. “Raz… I know we don’t agree on this, but I have to warn you. Just because you feel comfortable blending in and being friendly with normals, doesn’t mean they wont turn on you the moment they find out you’re a psychic. Normals will never be comfortable with what we can do and it will always scare them.”

Raz opened his mouth to say something, but Lili cut him off.

“I know you don’t want to hear that, but that’s just how it is. You might be able to blend in, Raz, but you will never fit in.”

If Raz was anyone else, that statement might have been too harsh and would have caused him to draw away from her. Instead, Raz reached over and grabbed her hand. Lili blinked at him in surprise and gave him a curious look.

“Good thing I don’t care about fitting in then,” he said with a cocky smile. “Standing out is much more fun.”

Lili laughed and shook her head. “You’re such a show off, Raz.”

Raz chuckled, happy that he had been able to lighten the mood, but as his laughter died away, he thought back to what she said. Maybe Luis’s parents would never have been able to accept him. Maybe they would have feared his ability and that would have pushed him away more. Maybe Lili was right. She obviously knew more about this stuff than he did.

However, he couldn’t help but still think this generalization about normals and psychics was a bit ridiculous. Maybe it had to do with his circus family and how even though he was psychic, he now understood they would accept him no matter who he was or what he could do. It was an adjustment for the family, but they still loved him.

Lili tensed and he felt the presence of the other kids coming down the hall. Lili pulled her hand away and stood up just before the door opened. Raz followed her example and stood next to her.

Coraline was the first to enter and her eyes quickly took in their awkward expressions. “If you guys are making out might I recommend the twins bedroom?” Coraline suggested while gesturing to the ceiling.

“What? Ew! No!” Dipper protested.

“Kidding, kidding, Pines,” Coraline soothed with a laugh. “What, only your sister got the sense of humor in the family?”

“And the sense of fashion,” Mabel chimed in as she and Neil lead an exhausted Norman onto the orange couch. As soon as they laid Norman down, his eyes closed and didn’t open again.

“How’s he doing?” Raz asked, eyeing Norman with concern. The boy was even paler than the last time he saw him a few minutes ago and the bags under his eyes made it look like he hadn’t slept in weeks. Norman’s life-force had always been difficult for Raz to sense, but combined with the fact that he currently resembled a corpse more than a sleeping person, Raz couldn’t help but worry.

“I think he’ll be fine,” Dipper said as he pulled the blue blanket that had been laying on the headrest of the couch over Norman’s body. “His breathing and pulse are both steady. I think he’s just really tired.”

“Well, out of everything that could have gone wrong today, my cousin passing out is probably best outcome we could hope for,” Coraline said. “We were… surprisingly successful.”

“Yeah, we achieved a lot together,” Neil agreed. “We went to the lake, we explored a haunted house, and we even helped Luis talk with his parents again!”

“And that's just on the first day here,” Coraline added with her hands on her hips. “Neil’s right, we did do a lot, and you guys weren’t too shabby at it either.”

“So, camps not too boring, huh?” Mabel hinted with an enthusiastic grin.

Coraline glanced at Wybie who shrugged.

“Terrifying, but definitely not boring,” Wybie admitted. “And if we called your parents and went home now, you will be complaining about what you might have missed out on all summer,” he said to Coraline.

Coraline frowned at her best friend but didn’t correct him.

“Besides,” Wybie added. “It’s not like this ‘camp’ is going to get any scarier than psychic ghosts, and you did want an adventure, Jonesy.”

“Okay, okay,” Coraline relented. “This camp might be a scam, but it might be worth it to stick around for a bit, as long as Norman is okay with it.” She frowned down at her sleeping cousin. “He was able to help Luis, but he ended up putting himself in danger. He might not want to stay after that.”

“You really want to stay?” Dipper asked in surprise “Even with that Other Mother thing after you?”

Coraline shot him a tired glare. “It looks like it doesn’t matter where I go, she can still find me. Plus, running isn’t my style. Now come on,” Corline ordered. “Norman has the right idea. Let’s all get some sleep.”

Coraline was the last one, besides Raz, to fall asleep that night. The twins had left for their beds in the attic, Norman was still asleep on the couch, and everyone else was in their sleeping bags on the floor. Coraline, Wybie, Neil and Norman had been smart enough to bring small air or foam mattresses for an inch of extra comfort. They offered Norman’s mattress to Raz and Lili, but they had both turned it down, since their sleeping bag were padded. It was standard issue for psychonaut agents.

Coraline’s cat was curled up against her side sleeping peacefully. Raz wondered when the cat had arrived and how it managed to figure out where she was staying. Coraline had offered no explanation and had acted like this was a common talent most cats possessed.

When Raz was certain Coraline was asleep, Raz mentally reached into her mind. He needed to find out more about this Other Mother creature in order to figure out if it might have something to do with the psychic disturbance he and Lili were looking for.

The surface thoughts of her dream were easy for him to hear, but he needed to go deeper. He needed to see what she had seen, and to do that, Raz had to access her memory. He could have done this when she was awake, but searching through her memories had the possibility of causing Coraline to relive them. If this happened, Coraline might try and suppress them, especially if they were particularly upsetting, and that would make the memories harder for Raz to access.

Raz could have used the psychic door and enter Coraline’s mind as an astral projection, but he would need special permission to use the door on a minor. In addition, although the psychic door allowed for a better understanding of a person, it wouldn’t necessarily lead to the memories Raz needed to see, since the mental world was more abstract and symbolic.

Raz shifted through Coraline’s memories and just focused on one word: Other Mother.

There were walls and barriers surrounding those two keywords that were impressive for a non-psychic to construct. The harder Raz had to push, the closer he knew he was getting. Finally he reached a mental image of a small door barely big enough to crawl through. The door was locked so he had to step back from this image and search for the correct key within her memories. It took a few minutes, but he finally found it hiding in a deep hole in her subconscious. It was a black key with a button on the handle. He knew for certain it was the right one, because the same feeling of dread that was emanating from the small door was also emanating from the key.  He turned the lock with the key and found himself in the place Coraline never looked, but always carried with her.

I’m your other Mother, silly.

Colors and lights and warmth. It was all so fantastical, and it was all for her.

You could stay here forever if you want to.

‘Yes, please!’ screamed every fiber of Coraline’s being. It was better than any dream she could ever conceive. Why would she ever want to leave?

There is one tiny little thing we need to do…

Buttons?

For you, our little doll.

The sudden terror that shot through her froze her to the spot.

I want you to let me go!

Where are my parents?

She had never felt so small and childlike. This world used to make her feel loved and powerful, but now she saw herself for what she really was: Nothing but a fly caught in a monster’s web.

YOU HORRIBLE CHEATING GIRL!

YOU DARE DISOBEY YOUR MOTHER!

DON’T LEAVE ME!

DON’T LEAVE ME!

I’LL DIE WITHOUT YOU!!

A muffled scream reached Raz’s ears and he wasn’t sure if it was his own or Coraline’s as he was ripped out of her mind. Blinking in the darkness of the room, he felt sick and shaky. He hadn’t just watched her memories, he lived them as if they were his own.

Maybe he probed too far. Maybe he should have gotten more training on this ability before he used it. One thing was for sure: that was truly one of the most terrifying things he had ever experienced.

Coraline was sitting up in the dark, breathing heavily on the floor not too far away from him. She clutched at her chest as she tried to calm her breathing.

“Coraline, are you okay?” Raz heard Wybie’s voice ask in concern and watched his silhouette sit up next to his friend.

Coraline didn’t answer as she continued to to struggle to take calming breaths.

Wybie reached a hand out to Coraline, as if he was going to put a comforting hand on her back, but then he froze uncertainty before bringing his hand back down to his side.

“Did you… did you dream about her again?” he asked hesitantly, his voice low so he wouldn't wake anyone else up.

Coraline managed to take a proper deep breath before she nodded her head jerkily.

“Coraline, maybe you should-”

“I’m fine, Wybie.” Her dismissal was cold, but Raz could hear the slight waiver of fresh tears in her voice.

“Jonesy…”

Coraline sighed and shook her head. “Really, Wybie,” she insisted again, but this time there was a sincere tone to her voice mixed in with the exhaustion. “I’m okay. It must have just been because of what Luis said today. It just brought back memories, you know?”

The hint of vulnerability in Coraline’s voice caused Raz’s stomach to constrict further with guilt. Not only had Raz invaded Coraline’s traumatic past, but he had caused her to have a nightmare, and now he was listening in on a private conversation. He shouldn’t have done this.

“She’s not going to get you,” Wybie said suddenly, his voice carrying a little too loudly in the small room.

Coraline seemed to feel the same as she glanced around to make sure no one had woken up.

“And how did you come to this brilliant conclusion?” she asked in a quiet voice, and Raz was relieved to hear some of her teasing nature color her tone.

“Because you already beat her,” Wybie said simply. “And because now you’re even stronger and smarter than you were back then, and this time you have me to back you up. She doesn’t stand a chance.”

Coraline considered him a long moment in the dark. “Wybie… go to sleep,” she said at last. But then she added as she laid her head back down on her pillow: “If you are going to be any good as backup then I need you to be well rested.”

Wybe gave a short laugh as he settled back in his bed.

Raz felt terrible as he closed his eyes in the dark. A part of him wished he had never looked into Coraline’s mind because he felt guilty and the other part of him wish he hadn’t done it because of the terrible monster saw. Now Raz had understood Coraline’s inexplicable and sudden terror at the mere mention of this creature. It was no wonder why Coraline didn’t want anyone involved.

Most people wouldn’t stick around town if they thought a creature like that was looking for them, but then again, most people wouldn’t have been able to beat it in the first place. If he could say nothing else about Coraline, she was definitely brave.

But one question remained. Was this creature, this Other Mother, the one making the psychic disturbances he and Lili were sent to find?

He hoped not, because as much as Raz was usually up for a good fight, he really didn’t want to go head-to-head with that thing.

Oh man, I really hope this chapter is good. I had to rewrite it so many times. I kept getting writers block and changing my mind. It was a mess. Also... happy late Parapines day I guess? 

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[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior July 16, 2021 - SPACE JAM: A NEW LEGACY, ESCAPE ROOM: TOURNAMENT OF CHAMPIONS, PIG, ROADRUNNER, GUNPOWDER MILKSHAKE, and More!

We’re starting to get into the thick of summer where we’re likely to get two or maybe even three wide releases a week, and that’s definitely the case this weekend, even if it’s likely that Marvel’s Black Widow will continue to run rampant and should stay at #1 for a second weekend in a row. I also was busier than usual due to the Emmy nominations yesterday, but I now hopefully have a few easier months until the actual Emmys. (Famous last words.)

We actually have two sequels this week, one a sequel to a movie from a few years back and the other a sequel (of sorts) to a movie from 1996, so yeah, released a few months away from the 25th Anniversary of its predecessor. That always goes well.

We’ll start with SPACE JAM: A NEW LEGACY (Warner Bros.), the long-awaited sequel/reboot of the 1996 movie that captured Michael Jordan at the height of his popularity and paired him with the Looney Tunes i.e. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Elmer Fudd, etc. For years, Warner Bros. and various parties have been trying to make a sequel, but it took basketball superstar, Lebron James and no less than Ryan (Black Panther) Coogler, to finally get the sequel made.

Directed by Malcolm D. Lee (Girls Trip, Barbershop: The Next Cut), the sequel involves James and his son Dom (newcomer Cedric Joe) having issues that are taken advantage by an A.I. named Al G. Rhythm (played by Don Cheadle) who brings James and Dom to the Warner Bros. “Server-verse” for a basketball game that teams James with the Looney Tunes against his son and a group of super-powered NBA and WNBA stars i.e. The Goon Squad.

Yeah, it’s a similar concept as what led to the 1996 movie that capitalized on Jordan’s popularity and threw in other NBA greats like Charles Barkley and Patrick Ewing, plus a little Bill Murray, and then lots of Warner Bros’ popular toon characters. That original movie opened with $27.5 million in 2,650 theaters in mid-November 1996 against the second weekend of Mel Gibson’s Ransom, but it went on to gross $90.4 million domestically with the bump from the holidays (which A New Legacy doesn’t have). In some ways, the movie was a response to the success of the 1988 hybrid Who Framed Roger Rabbit, which included many of the Looney Tunes, despite it being a Disney movie.

Looney Tunes movies (and even movies based on WB properties like the Cartoon Network) haven’t done particularly well since the first movie with Looney Tunes: Back in Action opening in November 2003 with just $9.3 million and grossing just $20.5 million domestically, which isn’t good. Space Jam: A New Legacy is Warner Bros’ first attempt to bring its toons back to theaters, and the company will be watching it closely since it has already started production on Coyote vs. Acme, a CG animated film featuring the age-old nemeses.

As far as basketball movies, the comedy Uncle Drew, which also starred Lil Rel Howery oddly, that opened with a decent $15.4 million in the summer of 2018 and grossed $42.6 million domestically, but that’s without the name brand of “Space Jam” or the beloved toons that will be a bigger selling point to kids than the basketball.

Working in Space Jam’s favor is that it’s a movie both for adults who were kids when the first movie came out, as well as modern-day kids who love sports or the toons, and that should help drive business over the weekend. What is likely to hurt is that the reviews, so far, have been absolutely TERRIBLE - 35% on Rotten Tomatoes, and while that might not put off the kids, it certainly will put off their parents.

The movie is also debuting simultaneously on HBO Max, just like other Warner Bros. movies this year, although as we’ve seen with Godzilla vs. Kong and Mortal Kombat, that doesn’t necessarily hamper how a movie might do in theaters. One thing that’s changed is that Disney announced its PVOD numbers from Black Widow’s Disney+ debut over the weekend, which might change people’s tunes about feeling the need to go to theaters to see a movie like this, and that certainly might affect Space Jam’s opening weekend, but I think it will mean an opening in the mid-to-high $20 millions vs. something in the mid-$30 millions. It also doesn’t have too much family competition until Disney’s Jungle Cruise in two weeks, so it should be able to make $70 million in domestic theaters even with it being readily available on HBO Max.

Mini-Review: I’ll freely admit that I don’t have the long-term nostalgia for the original Space Jam of so many others. In fact, I only saw it for the first time a few days ago on my TV set, which may be the way many will see Space Jam: A New Legacy due to the fact that it’s on HBO Max. It’s just another casualty of my ‘90s when I wasn’t seeing many movies and also wasn’t going to see “kids’ movies.” But I do have a soft spot in my heart for the Looney Tunes, and HBO Max even did a pretty good job with its revival last year with some new shorts.

Unfortunately, this is more of a Lebron James/Warner Bros jam, to the point where you might wonder whether Lebron dictated how he wanted to be depicted to the gaggle of writers, and then Warner Bros came in and said, “Make sure to mention how great all our other properties are as well!”

The general plot involves Don Cheadle’s dumbly pun-named Al G. Rhythm -- I promise you’ll cringe everytime you hear that name -- trying to get attention by creating a showstopping basketball game between James and his son in a video game designed by the latter, and for whatever reason, it’s James who turns to Bugs Bunny to put together a team. It’s nearly 30 minutes before we finally see the Looney Tunes together, and that’s probably the best part of the movie, as Bugs goes to visit different worlds in the Warners “server-verse” to find his compatriots. I won’t spoil some of the movie worlds it visits, but these are some of the movie’s funniest scenes, although the laughs are fleeting since they’re relatively short gags. They're ruined by the movie going overboard in an attempt to throw James into some of these worlds, particularly the DC Comics superhero-verse, which seems like it might be influenced by the cartoons but never quite achieves that style of animation.

An hour into the movie, the Tune Squad is turned into 3-dimensional CG, as they face the Goon Squad team of NBA and WNBA all-stars transformed into creatures with superpowers. It's just unable to recover as the movie’s last hour focuses on that game, which is fine other than the fact that it's an awkward combination of the CG players with the audience being all sorts of background cosplayers acting as if they were found on Hollywood Boulevard or Times Square. This is the first time in a long time where I felt that the background actors ruined every scene... and then, of course, James and Cheadle are in there in a guise that seems to be a mix of human and CG.

I’ve been a fan of director Malcolm Lee for quite a long time, but Space Jam: A New Legacy is just an absolute disaster of a mess. Not that any of that matters much, because James is clearly a better ball player than he is an actor, and that fact keeps any of the movie from really gelling or offering much in terms of fun or excitement. I wanted to like the movie or find out what so many kids seemed to enjoy about the original movie 25 years ago, but sadly, that just never happened.

Rating: 5/10

The movie I’m looking forward to the most this week and will probably have seen by the time I write this is the high-concept horror sequel, ESCAPE ROOM: TOURNAMENT OF CHAMPIONS (Sony), which follows up a little over two years since the original Escape Room. This one is also directed by Adam Robitel and starring Taylor Russell and Ben Logan as survivors of an escape room created by an evil corporation doing experiments to see how people will act. The movie benefitted from putting terror into a very familiar and popular world of escape rooms, which obviously have not been quite as prominent since COVID racked the land.

The original Escape Room opened the very first weekend of January 2019, which has seen a lot of horror hits over the years, and it proved to be a wise move by Sony since it opened with $18.2 million despite the lack of any big stars. It also had better legs than most horror movies, grossing $57 million domestically and $98 million overseas. It also did quite well in DVD and Blu-ray sales, which meant that the sequel was greenlit fairly quickly.

Unlike Space Jam: A New Legacy, the Escape Room sequel is coming out a little over two years since the first movie, which is good since more young people will remember it. Another advantage it has is that it’s ONLY playing in theaters, plus it’s also getting a full 9-hour advantage by opening on Thursday afternoon, so it could make quite a bit of money before Space Jam shows up and takes over the second spot behind Marvel’s Black Widow. It’s also PG-13 so teenagers who might not have much interest in other movies out there (or they’ve already seen them) will be able to see the movie as a group without adults.

That said, I’m not quite sure the Escape Room sequel can open anywhere near the first movie only because it’s getting a summer release where it might not be getting quite the attention of other high-profile movies out there. I’d like to think it can pull in somewhere around $15 million and maybe moviegoers will surprise me since that first movie was generally popular and its sequel can’t be viewed on some streamer day and date. We’ll see if it can then translate that into a $35 to 40 million domestic total, since I’m not sure it can match the take of the original at least domestically.

My review for Escape Room: Tournament of Champions is over at Below the Line, and you'll see that I liked it quite a bit.

This Week’s Top 10 Predictions:

Since I don’t think that Space Jam: A New Legacy will make $40 million this weekend, that keeps Black Widow at the top for a second weekend in a row.

1. Black Widow (Marvel/Disney) - $35 million -57%

2. Space Jam: A New Legacy (Warner Bros.) - $27.8 million N/A

3. Escape Room: Tournament of Champions (Sony) - $15 million N/A

4. F9 (Universal) - $6 million -48%

5. The Boss Baby: Family Business (Universal/DreamWorks Animation) - $4.8 million -46%

6. The Forever Purge (Universal) - $3.8 million -47%

7. A Quiet Place Part II (Paramount) - $2.4million -28%

8. Roadrunner: A Film About Anthony Bourdain (Focus) - $2.1 million N/A

9. Cruella (Disney) - $1.9 million -20%

10. The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard (Lionsgate) - .9 million -47%

This week’s “Chosen One” is Rosalynde LeBlanc and Tom Hurwitz’s documentary, CAN YOU BRING IT: BILL T. JONES AND D-MAN IN THE WATERS (Kino Lorber), which is a surprisingly good documentary that combines a classic work of contemporary dance with how it originated from out of the AIDS pandemic of the ‘80s. Bill T. Jones was running the Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Company with his love and partner Arnie Zane, when the latter died from AIDS, and the deaths that followed led Jones to create “D-Man in the Waters.” Decades later, LeBlanc is performing “D-Man” with her college dance class, and she, along with Cinematographer Tom Hurwitz, ASC, capture that experience and embellish it with interviews with Jones and the original company performers.

Honestly, I’ve always been a bit reticent about dance and movies about dance, even though I’m almost always find that I enjoy them, like, for example, Wim Wenders’ Pina and the Cunningham doc from a few years back. The same thing happened with Can You Bring It, where I went in expecting to hate it or not find it interesting, and nothing could be further from the truth. FIrst of all, the original dance performance is something to behold, because there’s just an amazing physicality involved, which is why it’s amazing to watch LeBlanc (and the Jones himself) discussing the conditions in which the piece was written, but also getting some historical context about New York City at the time and how it was left ravaged by AIDS.

Hurwitz has tons of experience with documentary but LeBlanc is a relative newbie, but the two of them working together create a fantastic portrait of Jones, his amazing choreography work, and how the world of dance has been improved by the existence of his work and younger dancers trying to recapture the spirit of the original work. As I said, this movie was a pleasant surprise by how much I enjoyed it, since it woudln’t normally be my thing, but if you have even a remote interest in NYC’s iconic contribution to dance and how it was torn apart by the ‘80s AIDS crisis, you should give this a look.

Can You Bring It opens at the Film Forum this Friday, plus it will also be available via Virtual Cinema nationwide. Also starting at the Film Forum on Friday is its first series since the pandemic, a comprehensive Humphrey Bogart hardboiled retrospective with 19 films in 35mm and DCP.

You can also read my interview with Director/DoP Tom Hurwitz over at Below the Line later today.

A movie I’ve really been looking forward to seeing is Morgan Neville’s ROADRUNNER: A FILM ABOUT ANTHONY BOURDAIN (Focus Features), which does for the famed celebrity author and chef what Neville’s previous movie, Won’t You Be My Neighbor?, did for Mister Rogers, really going in-depth into the life and career of the celebrated and opinionated foodie. Bourdain committed suicide in June 2018, leaving a lot of his friends and fans wondering why he would take his own life when he was at the height of his career. Neville’s film looks at that, but it takes some time before it gets there.

Oddly, even though I was a huge Bourdain fan and even moreso after reading his book, “Kitchen Confidential,” this isn’t my favorite movie Neville has made, and I’m still trying to figure out why. Sure, there’s tons of extra never-before-seen footage from the taping of his various world-travelling television shows. They do show us another side of Bourdain that maybe we didn’t get to see from what was eventually aired.

I guess I was disappointed that Neville didn’t try to talk to Asia Argento, or maybe he did, and she declined? (I was hoping to talk to Morgan Neville for Below the Line about this movie, but it wasn’t meant to be.) Bourdain’s friends and co-workers on the show talk about how Argento’s inclusion into Bourdain’s life disrupted the creation of his television show, particularly the Hong Kong episode Argento directed, which apparently wasn’t without its problems, even before it was yanked from CNN after Bourdain’s death. No one blames Argento for Bourdain's choice to kill himself, but it would have been nice to get her take on the man for a more complete profile.

Even so, one of my biggest issues with the movie -- and this is where I prove unequivocally that absolutely NO ONE reads this column -- has nothing to do with Neville’s filmmaking prowess or storytelling ability, but more to do with the complete inability by many that talk about his death to understand why there have been so many prominent suicides by hanging: Bourdain, Michael Hutchence of INXS, Chris Connelly of Soundgarden, and quite a few more. When you make the decision to end your life by hanging, there’s only two ways it can go: you fail miserably i.e. the rope snaps, the knots aren’t tied properly... or you die. Even if you have second thoughts while you’re standing on the chair, once you drop, you’re dead even if you merely slipped. This is why hanging has been such a popular form of execution for hundreds and hundreds of years. It’s hard to screw it up. Unfortunately, when you’ve decided you no longer want to live, and you decide to hang yourself, it’s much easier to succeed in doing so… and for better or worse, I’m not sure that Neville or any of Bourdain’s friends interviewed have ever been to that point where they tried to hang themselves to really understand that. It’s minor and probably will be a non-issue to most seeing this movie, but having been at that point of hopelessness myself (probably for far different reasons than Bourdain), that bothered me a little. That sort of context would have helped people who watch the movie understand Bourdain's last moments.

Despite those issues, Roadrunner brilliantly captures the spirit and tone of Bourdain’s character as depicted on his various television series. That's why Roadrunner is a movie that mostly worked for me as a fan of Bourdain’s amazing writing and television work.

Focus continues to give its movies semi-wide releases, and this one is going pretty wide into 800 theaters, so it might be able to peek into the top 10, maybe?

Another movie coming to theaters is Michael Sarnoski’s PIG (NEON), starring Nicholas Cage as Robin Feld, a reclusive hermit of a man who once was a legendary Portland chef. He’s now living on his own in the middle of nowhere with his truffle-foraging pig, but one night, some people break in and steal the pig, thinking that it’s their path to fortunes. Robin isn’t having any of it, and he follows his pig’s trail to a fight club and then to the father of one of his main buyers (Alex Wolff).

Even though I’ve known about this movie for some time, I didn’t really know that much about it. Like man, I expected it to be a straight-up revenge action flick a bit like John Wick, but the only thing this has in common with that is that this as terrific a showcase for Cage as an actor as that was for Keanu Reeves. Spending much of the movie completely bedraggled and beaten-up, this is still a far more subdued performance for Cage than some might be expecting, and a slower and more subdued film with only a few moments achieving anything that could be considered “action.”

Even so, this is such a great vehicle for Cage, and Alex Wolff is also quite good, plus there’s a foodie aspect to the movie that should make it a great double feature with Roadrunner. It should be expected with so much of it involving truffles, which not many people outside of chefs and gourmands know much about

Some people might go into Pig with the wrong expectations of this being some sort of genre revenge flick, but it’s in fact a pretty solid character drama, truly showing off Cage’s terrific ability at creating character, so hopefully, it will find its audience even it might not be the one some might expect.

Rating: 7.5/10

Pig will actually open in a few hundred theaters nationwide so plenty of opportunities to see it that way.

Netflix has a duo of high-profile films this week, including the action-thriller GUNPOWDER MILKSHAKE (Netflix), starring Karen Gillan and directed by Israreli filmmaker Navot Papushado (Big Bad Wolves). Gillan plays Sam, an assassin for a group called The Firm, a second generation assassin no less since her mother Scarlet (Lena Headey) was also an assassin. One day, she finds herself on the bad side of a crime lord whose son she killed (on a mission) and finds herself having to fight off dozens of killers as she tries to protect that man’s 9-year-old daughter Emily (Chloe Coleman).

I can’t believe how much I absolutely hated a good part of this movie, because I generally like Gillan and some of the others in this movie, but I don’t any of them are doing particularly good work. For instance, Paul Giamatti is in full-on scenery-chewing mode as head of the Firm, but there’s also a great trio of women known as the Librarians, played by Michelle Yeoh, Carla Gugino and Angela Bassett, who I wish were in the film more than they actually are, because they literally are the best part of the film. (I also was pretty disappointed by Coleman’s bland performance lacking any of the personality she showed in My Spy, in which she was very funny.)

Basically, it feels like this is another filmmaker who has seen Tarantino’s Kill BIll a few dozen times and thought they could do something just as cool. The fact that it’s so flagrant and obvious in its ripping that movie off, it’s almost impossible to fully enjoy it. What’s really missing is Tarantino’s knack for sharp writing, because the writing in this movie is just terrible.

I thought the score was probably the most interesting aspect of the movie, but even that was highly derivative of what Tarantino has done. Even the needle drop choices during the bigger action pieces feel too much like something Tarantino might do, but generally better.

Sure, there’s some cool action scenes, and the last act generally gets better once Headey and the Librarians rejoin the fray to fight off a cadre of henchmen, but the writing never improves, so it’s just a movie that relies on far too many “oooo… Cooooool!” moments that never really come together.

As much as Gunpowder Milkshake tries to be cool and stylish, it always feels like it’s trying too hard without understanding why movies like Tarantino’s and others work so well. Any of the bad-ass fight sequences are constantly marred as soon as there tries to be any sort of talking or story.

Rating: 5.5/10

The third part of the horror series based on R.L. Stine’s books, FEAR STREET PART 3: 1666 (Netflix), will hit the streamer on Friday, this one being a prequel to the previous two movies, taking place in 1666. I’m still behind on this series, but looking forward to a night where I can finally watch all three.

I definitely had more movies to watch than usual that I just didn’t get to include some of them like Martin WIlson’s directorial debut, the horror-thriller GREAT WHITE (RLJEfilms/Shudder), which stars Katrina Bowden and others, about a tourist trip that turns into a nightmare when five passengers on a sea plane get stranded miles from the shore and try to survive as they run out of supplies and run into, you guessed it, a shark. Sounds like my kind of movie, but I’ve just been swamped.

I was pretty tickled by the premise for Jean-Paul Salomé’s MAMA WEED (Brainstorm Media/Music Box Films), starring the wonderful Isabelle Hupert as Patience, a French-Arabic translator for the Paris anti-narcotics police unit who interprets calls between the city’s top drug dealers. She’s taking care of her aging mother and one day she hears the son of one of her mother’s nurses, so she tries to protect him but ends up with a huge cache of hash, so she becomes a drug dealer herself, becoming the persona of “Mama Weed.” Nominated for a César for its screenplay, the movie will open in select theaters this Friday and then be available On Demand on July 23.

Another doc of note is Aisling Chin-Yee and Chase Joynt’s NO ORDINARY MAN (Oscilloscope), which tells the story of American jazz musician Billy Tipton who had spent his entire career passing off as a man, unbeknownst to his wife and son that he was born female. It’s an intriguing story that unfortunately got mangled by the talk shows after Tipton’s death in 1989, but the filmmakers use an interesting way to tell the story rather than using talking heads. I haven’t actually watched it yet, but it sounds intriguing. It will open at the IFC Center in New York and the Landmark Nuart in L.A. on Friday.

Debuting on Hulu this week is the amazing six-part docuseries called MCCARTNEY 3, 2, 1 (Hulu), which as you can safely assume is about Beatles founder Paul McCartney, covering his sixty-year career as he talks with producer Rick Rubin in a studio filled with instruments and tapes of some of the great songs that Rubin mixes different elements up and down to discuss how they were done with McCartney. I generally love music docs, but this is something truly special that I expect to rewatch many times over the next few years.

Netflix also has a new docuseries called HEIST (Netflix) and is debuting a doc about tennis great, Naomi Osaka, this week. Meanwhile, the anthology prequel series, American Horror Stories, debuts on FX and FX on Hulu this week, as well, so it’s a pretty busy weekend, which was bound to happen after last week’s bye week.

Other movies out this week that I didn’t get to include:

Die in a Gunfight (Lionsgate) Out of Death (Vertical) Casanova, Last Love (Cohen Media) How to Deter a Robber

Next week, two more new movies, including the action prequel, SNAKE EYES, starring Henry Golding, and M. Night Shyamalan’s new thriller, OLD.

[coulscns]

— ✧ KELSEY CHOW ?? no, that’s just EUDORA MAY COULSON !! she’s the TWENTY year old adoptive daughter of PHIL COULSON & MELINDA MAY ( DAISY JOHNSON & LINCOLN CAMPBELL ), and an UNDERGRAD at paragon. i hear she’s PASSIONATE & ADAPTIVE, but tends to be DECEITFUL & SHORT-TEMPERED. her file says that her power is ELECTROMAGNETISM MANIPULATION.

   tell me who’s going to save me from myself                when this LIFE is all i’ve known.

SECTION ONE OF THREE: BULLET POINT HISTORY trigger warnings for death, arson, injury, murder ( ? )

what would prove to be the most defining moment of dora’s life would actually happen BEFORE she was born. before her mother, daisy johnson, even knew that she was pregnant with his child, her father, lincoln campbell, sacrificed himself to save the world - and he did do just that, but he never knew what it cost him

and, what it cost daisy

had he lived, then there was no question ; he and daisy would have raised their baby, together, creating for themselves the families neither had ever had. they wouldn’t have been ready, not even a little bit, but it would’ve been ok so long as they were in it, together. but he didn’t live, and when daisy found out how her life was going to change in such a huge way a few weeks later.. she panicked

she wasn’t ready. the people that say that all a kid needs is love are only right some of the time - she could love her unborn child with everything in her, but that didn’t mean she’d feel any more confident about what was to come. it didn’t stop the voice at the back of her head, telling her how all of her family, all the people she cared for, ended up hurt or worse because of her. it didn’t stop her from realizing that she couldn’t do it - so she decided that she wouldn’t. but she had been in and out of foster homes for her entire life. she knew how hard and unforgiving the system was, and she couldn’t do that to her kid - 

enter phil coulson and melinda may, daisy’s pseudo parents, everything she had ever dreamed that she would have in a family. how it came about involved far too many late night and emotional discussions - all that matters is that on february 21st, a baby girl was born, and on her birth cert she was named eudora may coulson

daisy remained in her daughter’s life, but never as a mother. if anything, she was a hip older sister figure, able to watch her child grow up happy and loved while said child knew nothing of the truth. they bonded over computer programming and video games playing, but dora was never any the wiser. it was just easier, that way. daisy knew that if she ever changed her mind, phil and melinda would allow the truth to be revealed - but even if she’d started to second guess herself as dora grew older, she couldn’t have ever ruined the family unit that they created for her

everyone else in phil and melinda’s shield family were her family too, of course, just as they would’ve been if she’d been raised by her mother. i imagine all the oldest people knew - but it wasn’t the kind of secret that everyone wanted to be the first to tell. it was one that was RESPECTED, if anything, and it wasn’t as if who raised her changed much. eudora was surrounded by an overwhelming amount of love and loyalty, and was a happy child, surrounded by strong people who she was able to look up to and learn from. the only complaint that people had with her was that she was obsessed  with shield

it was understandable, of course. her parents being so involved, all of the people she knew being the same, eudora grew up thinking that working with the organization was as normal as working for the post office. she loved the idea of joining up and becoming a hero - so much so that around the time she turned thirteen, she REALLY started to pressure phil and melinda

she wanted to know when she could join, and get her security clearance, and go on top secret missions with them. they’d taught her some self defense, enough to make sure she could take care of herself if needed, but she wanted MORE, now - she wanted to be an agent, and do whatever it took. and of course, they tried to keep her away from that life, for as long as they could. they tried to keep her SAFE

and they kind of became stifling, over protective parents, in the process

and everyone knows what happens, when a young teen feels stifled by their parents. they rebel - and for dora, that took the form of many after school detentions and low tier vandalism and delinquency, until finally, not long after her fifteenth birthday, they got the call that she hadn’t turned up to school that day. they naturally thought she was skipping a couple classes, and would turn up again eventually -

except, she didn’t

when they actually searched her room, they realized that she had took all of her money and things

her dream ? become a vigilante hero. yes, she was one of THOSE teens, who couldn’t just choose one. she thought if she proved herself as capable, she’d somehow prove herself as more than capable to be an agent - and at the time, hitting the streets seemed like the best of ideas. when she was six states away, however, lacking money and a roof over her head, she realized she’d kinda hecked up

but she was stubborn as all hell. she was gonna MAKE IT - or at least, she was gonna do her best to make a name for herself, before they tracked her down. she was good at covering her tracks, but dora knew that eventually, she’d get found. it was a question of when, but for the time being, she tried to do as many heroic things as she could

as in. she walked a lot of old ladies across the road and saved some cats ( and one parrot! ) from some trees. as it turned out, there wasn’t a lot of hero deeds out there for a homeless kid to do

a few more heroics, and a lot of near misses from her shield fam in tracking her down ( listen - they’re the best at their jobs, but the unexpected side effect of dora trailing them for YEARS was that she’d picked up on all the best ways to go on the run ), and we’re gonna fast forward to the second of dora’s defining moments

terrigenesis. i bet y’all thought i was gonna ignore this lil home slice being an inhuman. guess AGAIN !

it had taken an age, but dora had reached san diego - and at the diner she worked at ( shoutout to the people who had no issues in hiring an underage girl w no papers ), she overheard something that led her to what she thought would put her name into the young heroes hall of fame for life. it seemed like an arms deal. that was what it SOUNDED like, anyway. lots of “we meet at midnight”’s and “make sure to bring the gear”’s and blah blah blah, she kinda tuned out for the most part, but her sweet lil innocent mind had gone straight to GUNS instead of drugs, which probably woulda made more sense

she tailed the guy when he left the diner, managed to sneak her way into the warehouse after him, and watched as he met with just two other guys- two? two! that made THREE altogether, and any vigilante hero can handle three assailants 

they didn’t have any guns with them, though. or bags of drugs. just a small wooden box, which they were, she assumed, trading for the briefcase full of cold hard cash. she wasn’t about to tell the guy she’d tailed he wasn’t getting his moneys worth, though. she didn’t question it - as they held out the little wooden box she had appeared, taking out the guy she’d followed with a sweeping move, and then- yikes

one of the others had reached for his gun. he was raising it towards her, when they all realized at the exact same time that the little wooden box had toppled from the third guys hands in the commotion. it was sailing towards the floor, they looked like if they weren’t already destined to being too slow they’d have shouted, or tried save it, but they were all stuck and she was wondering if it was a bomb and then-

the wood splintered. the crystal inside shattered. the explosion of what seemed like dust enveloped all four of them, and the last thing that eudora thought was - dying thanks to asbestos fucking SUCKED

she doesn’t recall what happened next. she was too young, to go thru terrigenesis - and it’s been long since proven that anyone unprepared, or too young, or BOTH, will suffer consequences. for eudora, it was coming to exactly three days later getting wheeled out of a back alley on a gurney, the noise of the ambulance going right through her skull, the flashing lights killing her eyes. some lady had seen the passed out teen and panicked thinking that she was dead, and honestly, eudora wasn’t ruling it out as an option

she couldn’t remember anything that happened, after she had gotten to the warehouse. zilch. nada. nothing. which was kinda good, i suppose, considering the last thing she’d seen before terrigenesis took her was the petty criminals before her crumbling to dust. and also kind of bad, because when an EMT tried to lean over and check her eyes with another annoying torch, she, uh... 

electrocuted him

it was p bad

the other EMT’s screamed smth about her being a freak or whatever, and she was DEFINITELY freaking out, and it was a good job they hadn’t thought she’d be much of a threat and hadn’t strapped her to that gurney because she was fucking outta there like a flash, even though when they came to their senses, they tried to stop her

things were uh . how you say... not good ! 

she was alone, she was scared, she was going through changes that she didn’t understand - now would be such a good time to ruin her some more, but finally, something went right. a bystander from the whole ‘maybe killing an EMT and injuring three others’ thing followed her ( it’s not as creepy as it sounds ), and just.. well. happened to be a member of a very special group i can’t wait to namedrop

enter: a teeny tiny san diego based branch of the brotherhood of mutants, left mostly to their own devices. their scout brought in what she thought was another newly displaying mutant - and in her humble defense, after a display of their powers, eudora didn’t have any real. reason. to DOUBT she was a mutant 

it wasn’t like she knew she was an inhuman. because.. she didn’t. and she couldn’t remember what she’d gone through to get her powers, because, plot convenience. and really. it was a case of mistaken identity on like. both their sides

things looked up, immediately. the mutants she ran with for the next while were more than helpful at showing her how to use her powers, and under their leaders wing, eudora learned more about mutants and their struggles and .. more about herself, or at least, that’s what she thought. she was a mutant ( haha ). she was a part of the unfairly treated minority, now, and eudora had always been a passionate, strong willed, and STUBBORN girl. she fell RIGHT into their ideals, accepting them wholeheartedly, and 

well

remember when i said things would go right

i meant they’d go right for like a few months, tops, and then i’d ruin it again 

she was pretty powerful. especially in the tiny group that she ran with. and once they realized that, and realized that she was on board with them - hook, line, sinker - it got easier and easier to wind her up and watch her go. she started carrying out jobs for them. sometimes it was getting money, when it was low and they needed the cash to get by. sometimes it was help in burning down a warehouse containing weapons that they’d been tipped would be used at the next pro-mutant rally. sometimes, it was hurting people. twice, it was a lot more serious than that.

but eudora was among who she thought were her friends and allies - and in a way, she was, but that didn’t negate the fact that she was young and impressionable and wholly in over her head, and they took advantage of that fact

she was starting to do more and more questionable things, and it was bad

REALLY bad, in fact

there was an anti-mutant rally planned to happen the summer after she had turned eighteen, and eudora was their main event. from the sidelines of the huge stage those against her kind spoke from, she focused all of her power on the electricity lines. the microphone, the speakers, the lights - everything exploded. the wires went up in flames. the wood of the stage caught, the people on top were heading towards fiery deaths if they hadn’t dove in time -

thankfully, shield turned up.

a camera had caught eudora and some of her friends scouting the area in the early hours of the morning. facial recognition tipped off the team, and they had rushed to get there as soon as they could. if it hadn’t been for their presence, everyone on the stand that day would have died - thanks to eudora. not that they realized that, at first

her friends scattered and she was too stunned at the sight of her mom and dad striding towards her to do the same. the family was reunited in the chaos, but she had always been told that honesty was the best policy - and she told them then and there her involvement in what had happened that day. they didn’t take her back on the bus as their kid.

well. they did.

but she was also under arrest

#yikes

in a story full of yikes’ i really hate to end, but here is where i must. it goes without saying that they were able to have her freed and her record wiped, after a few call ins of favors. and with her back, they got some time together before they decided that maybe sending her to the academy would benefit her - she’d picked up a lot of extreme ideas while she had been away, it seemed, and they wanted their daughter back

but much as they wanted her back, she couldn’t just reappear from nowhere. and eudora HAD changed. she was different. she was a mutant - and yes, they foolishly allowed her to keep on believing that because she had already been through so much, adding in that her almost sister slash aunt was actually her mother would have been too much, full stop. and she knew what it was like, for mutants

she still wanted to help the brotherhood 

so once at the academy and away from her prying parents eyes, she reached back out to her friends-

and that’s where we’re at w eudora coulson! she’s an inside man that aint nobody suspecting! 

SECTION TWO OF THREE: EXTRA DETAILS

her quick stats page, which includes personality tidbits, can be found HERE

eudora isn’t bad. i feel like after all my talk of her brotherhood dealings, i needa clarify that. she ISN’T bad. or evil. or whatever else you’d apply to a typical ‘villain’. she’s misguided - especially given that she thinks of herself as one of their own. her first experience with mutant kind after her change was a very extreme mutant kind, and she’s adopted their ideals as her own, and wants to work with them, to help them. but that’s because she thinks she’s doing the right thing. all she’s ever wanted to be is a hero. she still thinks that in a way, she’s being one

she has a single, self done tattoo, on the inside of her left wrist ; roman numerals that she typically covers up with a very large bracelet, which make absolutely NO sense to anyone who doesn’t know what they’re looking for. they’re coded coordinates for the exact whereabouts of the san diego branches safe house - and an identification mark, for if she runs into anyone affiliated with them.

she used a codename while running with the brotherhood group that she ran with, which was HYADES - not just a cluster of stars, but also the name of the sisterhood daughters of atlas in greek mythology, of which one is named eudora. when she was little, she used to have a mythology obsession that everyone actively encouraged, because knowledge is power and all that jazz - it was the very first name to come to mind, and she ran with it for as long as she ran with them

she wasn’t always rly short tempered. that is .. tragically .. another terrigenesis side effect, on top of the whole ‘losing all the time immediately during and after the change’ thing. there’s just.. so much going on in her head, now. a lot of extra power flowing in her veins, etc, etc - all her emotions are heightened but its mostly when she gets mad that people realize, because eudora goes straight to RAGE.

SECTION THREE OF THREE: WANTED CONNECTIONS

one connection i REALLY want, and will probably put a wanted ad in for, is one that’s ,, a bit much to explain, but makes sense in my head. i want eudora, a self called HERO, to have her own ARCH-NEMESIS - and everyone knows that the best of those are the ones that the hero created, themselves. i’d love if one of the people doing the terrigenesis trade had ALSO been a dormant inhuman, and i’d love if they had gone through the change with her. i imagine that they’ve been out there not too far from her all this time, and are p angry about the whole ‘she kinda had a part in their friends deaths’ thing - n also maybe the whole ‘definitely having a part in them gaining powers that they mightn’t have wanted’ thing. i’d LOVE that kind of hero/villain dynamic, so if ur interested. pls. hmu

FRIENDS ! literally any and all kind. she dropped off the face of the earth for about 3 years, but before that she probably had plenty of all types of friends, and since then, she’s probably made more. i just want her to hav some connections, ya know?

looks to the shooting stars n wishes for a daisy johnson

 i dont kno ive been typing for two hours im so tired

ill come up w more

i swear

for now

pls lov

n plot w me

thank u for coming to my ted talk

[izaswritings]

Arago *helps lil Ichigo move on and stop blaming himself for Masaki's dead* also Arago *send middle schooler Ichigo on a treasure hunt to find a goodbye letter instead of saying it face to face which makes Ichigo distrust authority figure*

There’s a kid crying on the riverbank.

Down the road, Arago shoves his hands into his pockets and rocks back on his heels, considering. The sky is crystal clear blue above him, the waters of the river shining and clean. There are no other kids around, but no adults, either, and Arago rolls this knowledge around his mind like he would candy on his tongue. Something’s off, even if he doesn’t know what, but not so much in a supernatural way; just a very human way.

He hasn’t been in Karakura long, merely a week at best, but just because Arago’s looking for the supernatural doesn’t make him blind to reality, either. The first day he arrived, walking down this path towards his hotel, there’d been police tape all around the bank of the river. Old police tape, mind, the yellow worn thin and plastic ripped from a few days exposed to the elements, and by the next day it’d been gone, the incident cleaned up and put behind them.

Officially, that is. The heavy-lidded eyes of the parents and the way they all seem to be steering their children away from the river says whatever happened, it’s still fresh and ripe in their minds. Something tragic, more likely than not—this Arago knows not just from the grief in the stranger’s eyes but also from the air itself. Death always leaves its mark. He’s witnessed enough of it to know, by now, and there’s something most definitely wrong with that river.

So the kid, crying near the edge, no guardian in sight? That sets off alarms.

Arago waits a bit longer, just in case a frantic parent comes barreling around the corner—he’s had his fair share of weird encounters, and he doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of another one. When no such adult authority appears, Arago sighs.

It’s not like there’s much debate about it, really. Arago’s always had a soft spot for kids, and he’s never been the type of person to walk by when anyone’s crying, let alone a child. Besides—there’s something just not right about that river. It’s almost supernatural—not strong enough to catch his attention, but enough to make him wary. Leaving a kid alone on a riverbed that smells like death… No. Arago has never been that type of person, and he’s not about to start now.

He steps hard on the concrete, making his footfalls heavier so the kid can at least have some warning that he’s there. It’s weird, and a bit uncomfortable—when Arago traveled the land of the Fair Folk, he’d had to watch his tongue and step lightly just to survive. Being able to act freely again is one of the main perks of being back here, but he still keeps his steps light out of habit.

He’s not entirely sure if the kid’s heard him until he stops nearby, figuring out what to say. The kid’s shoulders go up by his ears, his back stiffening, his sobs starting to muffle. Okay, so, the kid heard him—and now, on the defensive. Kids are trusting little tykes, so this… Isn’t exactly a welcoming sign.

The suspicious lack of adults seems much more ominous now. Arago thinks of Joe with a pang he just barely pushes past and crouches down on his knees so he won’t loom over the kid.

“Hey,” he says, making his voice softer than usual. “Hey, kid. You okay?”

A ragged breath and a stiff shrug is the kid’s hesitant response. No words.

Arago waits. The kid doesn’t say anything else.

“…You need any help?”

Another ragged breath—damn, the kid must have been stifling his sobs like crazy if his voice is this wrecked from the strain—and a small, hoarse voice finally answers. “No.”

“Right,” Arago says, and leans back, considering. “Look, uh… kid, you don’t look so good right now. Is there— seriously, are you okay?”

Some secret tension seems to break, and suddenly the kid’s on his feet, round face shiny with tears and eyes wide and furious. His hair sticks up on his head like a short orange pom-pom, and it’d be adorable if it wasn’t so heartbreaking.

“I’m fine!” The kid shouts, like he’s trying to convince not just Arago but also himself. “I’m fi-i-ine! Go away!”

Arago surveys him. It’s a shot in the dark, but… The river. The quiet fear on all the adult’s faces, the way they’ve been clutching their kids close. The police tape. And, most damning of all—the kid, here alone, no mother or father here to comfort him.

Arago knows the signs like the back of his hand. He lived them, after all… and while he was never much of a detective, he’d never been completely hopeless at it either.

“They were the best, weren’t they?” he asks, gently. The kid’s face falls into furious confusion. Arago looks away, thinking of Joe and Ewan and the parents he can barely remember. “The person you lost. They were the best.”

The kid’s face just— falls. Crumbles like wet tissue paper, eyes scrunching up and lips trembling before he remembers himself, teeth clamping hard on his lip, eyes blinking furiously past the tears.

“Sorry,” Arago says. He feels a bit ill. “I— sorry. I didn’t mean… it’s just, I’ve also—” The words stick in his throat, and he nearly chokes on them. No, no. He can’t. Even years later, those wounds are too raw to speak aloud.

He draws in a shaking breath and closes his eyes, trying to bring himself back under control. When he opens them again, he fixes his eyes on the boy, willing him to understand what Arago is saying.

“I know,” Arago says finally, halting and painful, “how it looks to lose someone. That’s all. I— I’m sorry.”

The boy stares at him, chest heaving with the effort of choking back his sobs. His hand rises and swipes hard at his face once, then twice, as if to scrub the evidence of his weakness away, then falls limply to his side. His red-rimmed eyes, a dark hazel, are shrewd and suspicious. He licks his lips and looks away then back again, and doesn’t even seem to notice when a few tears break free to roll down his ruddy cheeks.

“Who was it?” the boy asks in his soft, ruined voice. His words are pointed and blunt in a way only children can manage, unknowing of just how devastating that question can be. “Who’d you lose?”

Arago looks back to the river, fighting the instinctive impulse that had risen at those words, the painful memories lurking beneath the surface of his mind, just waiting to strike. He stares at the afternoon sun hanging low in the sky until the sheer brightness of it makes his eyes water from something other than old pain.

“Lots of people,” he says finally. Knows, even as he says it, that it’s not enough.

He doesn’t really want to say it, doesn’t want to bare their names in the air for the world to know. It’s been years, and for all his hope of retrieving Ewan and Seth, there have been no signs. No answers.

He makes the mistake of looking back. The kid is small— shoulders hunched and expression worn in a way only grieving children can achieve, like something’s gone and plucked his heart from his chest. Quiet and guilty and grieving. He looks— he looks like Ewan.

He looks like Arago did, all those years ago, the first time Ewan died.

“My brother,” Arago says, almost without meaning. “And— my father.” God, Joe. Sometimes Arago can hardly believe he’ll never see the man again. Joe had always been— almost invincible in Arago’s eyes. Accepting and unyielding. Every reminder of his death is like a knife to the heart.

He doesn’t say Seth’s name. He’ll save Seth. He will. He hasn’t given up hope just yet, and if he’s lucky, maybe he can save Ewan too.

The two names Arago does give are enough to shake the kid. He’s staring at Arago like he’s just now noticed him—maybe he hadn’t really believed Arago had meant what he’d said after all. Arago wonders what the kid saw on his face to convince him now.

The kid realizes he’s staring almost at the same time Arago does, and looks away quickly, but some of the weird tension in his shoulders has eased away. “…Oh. Sorry.”

Arago sighs and leans back. “Yeah. Me too.”

The kid sniffs, hard. Arago does him a favor and doesn’t look over. “I lost my mom,” the kid reveals, in a small, shaking voice like he’s sharing a shameful secret.

Arago’s eyelids flutter closed, pained. This isn’t the conversation he thought he’d be having today. “I’m sorry. I— I know— how hard that can be. ”

The kid’s breathing gets a bit heavier, more ragged. “There was the river,” he says, near babbling, like with that one confession the words just won’t stop. “And— I thought I saw a woman, I thought I saw her go into the river, and I went after, but it wasn’t a woman it was this monst—thing, and, and, my mom—“

The kid breaks off. Arago sits up, heart pounding. Monster, the kid had almost said, and that makes some part of Arago perk up— but there’s something else too, something far more important, so Arago takes that little tidbit and stores it away to explore for later.

“Hey,” he says. “Hey, kid, it’s okay. You don’t—”

“My mum’s dead,” says the kid, and then he cuts himself off but Arago—Arago knows this, knows that thinking, knows that dull, lifeless look. He knows it because he saw it in the mirror countless times, after Ewan, after Patchman, after losing Joe.

“It’s not your fault,” Arago says, a bit helplessly, because he doesn’t know the kid but he knows that much, at least. “It wasn’t your fault, kid. Whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t you.”

The kid’s head falls down to his chest. He nods.

Arago knows that the kid doesn’t believe him. How could he? Arago is a stranger, a nameless voice of concern. This boy does not know him, and in truth, there is very little Arago can say that will have any effect.

And yet. For all that Arago is a stranger, the kid is still here, curled up on the riverbank, spilling his secrets into the open air. To a stranger, no less, and Arago—

When he lost his parents, when he lost Ewan— Arago had not been like that. He’d held his hurt close until Rio had come and ripped it out into the open, all the tears and messy emotions that’d been building up like a bomb in his chest. But even though Arago can remember that, can remember how jealously he had guarded his grief, he also remembers how difficult it was. How the tears and furious words and confession would build up behind his throat like water behind a dam, ready to overflow at the first sign of genuine concern, at the first offer of an open ear.

Arago had bitten back the words anyway. This kid hasn’t.

There’s hope in that. And Arago seizes it with all he has, because this kid—this kid’s been cut on the edge of the world, but some part of him is still trusting. Still seeking the words he so desperately wants to hear, the words Arago himself was deaf to, so long ago.

Arago is not very good with words. But he knows grief—almost too well, perhaps—and so he will try.

“It’s not,” he says again, and when the kid doesn’t look up says it a third time, for emphasis. “It’s not. She— moms are like that. Parents are like that.” The vague faces of his family before they’d been lost in the flames. Joe, wry smile on his face even as he faced death with open arms. “They— they do these things, and—and you and I, kid, we couldn’t have stopped them. Because she loved you, kid, and this was her choice, and I promise you, she wouldn’t have blamed you.”

The kid’s head snaps up, eyes burning. He opens his mouth, and Arago, Arago can’t listen to this—can’t stand this conversation, this kid who’s pulling all of Arago’s wounds out into the open—but the kid deserves to hear this, too, deserves to know.

No one should have to live with undeserved guilt.

“My dad—he, he never blamed me. He did it for me, but he did it—he did it for him, too, because if it had been me he wouldn’t have been able to live with it. So—it was his choice. In the end. It wasn’t my fault. And—and it’s not yours either, kid, okay?”

Arago doesn’t know if he even believes those words himself. It’s a mantra he’s heard so often, from Rio, from Coco, even from himself—that he knows it by heart. His mind accepts it. His heart, not so much.

“It’s not your fault,” Arago says, a bit helplessly, and the kid’s face cracks open like dam breaking—face screwing up, eyes watering, lips trembling—and when the kid goes down on his knees, curled up and crying, Arago knows he’s gotten through.

-

He doesn’t hug the kid, because he doesn’t know him, and physical affection is still a weird thing to Arago, for all that Rio claims he’s basically touch-starved. Instead, he kneels by where the kid is curled up in a small ball of tears, and rubs his back—lightly, at first, in case he freaks the kid out, and then more firmly when the kid leans into it.

When the kid’s tears finally stop, he looks washed out and weary, brown eyes red and puffy, still sniffling hard. He looks exhausted. Arago feels much the same. He hates picking at old wounds, but it’s worth it, to see some of that horrible guilt leave the kid’s eyes. The kid needed this. Desperately, desperately needed this.

It makes Arago wonder what would have happened to him, if Arago had not come here this day.

Regardless, what’s done is done, and Arago sits back on his heels, looking up at the sky. It’s late afternoon—almost dusk—so the kid will probably have to be ushered home soon, but Arago doesn’t want to leave the kid alone just yet, not after a conversation like that. It feels too much like running away.

He sighs heavily and rocks up to his feet, stretching out his arms. The kid looks up at the movement, quick and startled. There’s a weird look on his face.

Arago looks back at the sky, mentally counting the change in his pockets and his funds for the week. He can… probably squeak it. Maybe.

Rio will understand. Hell, she might even send him extra cash because of it. Weird thought, but totally a Rio thing to do.

“Hey, kid. Want some ice cream? It’s on me.”

The kid looks at him. He’s doing something weird with his face—like, the weird look is gone, but what ever’s replaced it is equally confusing. Arago is so bad at this.

“It’ll make you feel better,” Arago tries. “Like, certifiably, I have tried this. Or, um, if you like chocolate?” Wait. Waaaaaaait. “Or, no, wait. I’m— this is not a kidnapping scam. I— agh, you know what? Uh, maybe you should just head back. Yeah.”

The weird look intensifies. The kid squints. Then his shoulders fall, and he doesn’t smile, but there’s a lack of tension on his face that suggests he’s close to it. “I like ice cream,” says the kid, and starts walking. Presumably to the ice cream place. With a stranger.

Arago gets a sneaking suspicion on those earlier weird looks. Not fear and wariness over a stranger like he thought then—disappoint that Arago might go? Relief at him choosing not to?

Did stranger danger not factor in at all? Even after Arago mentioned it? Like, sure, Arago would sooner stab himself with Brionac than hurt anyone, but the kid sure as hell doesn’t know that. And he’s not Arago, who has the power to fight should his trust be betrayed. He’s just—a kid. A tiny, redhead slip of thing who is, apparently, okay with a stranger buying him ice cream.

God, kids are weird.

Arago goes anyway. He does owe the kid an ice cream.

-

The kid gets vanilla ice cream, like a heathen. Arago gets chocolate, like a true believer, and even manages not to wince at the miniscule amount of money left in his wallet. Cheap hotel tonight. For sure.

“Is it any good?”

“Yes.” The kid looks down, takes a bite—a bite!—out of the cone. It must be freezing, and the kid’s face does this weird little twitch, but he doesn’t say anything. Is he trying to act cool? Is he trying to impress Arago? The whole thing is surreal, and Arago kind of wants to laugh. He’s exhausted though, so maybe that’s just the hysteria talking. “It’s good. Thank you, um… sir.”

Now that the kid’s not crying his eyes out and picking at old wounds, Arago can now fully appreciate how hilarious and also somewhat adorable this is. Kids. What the fuck. It’s like being around Coco, only smaller, and with fewer sparkles.

“Arago,” he returns, and licks his ice cream to show the kid, by way of example, how to properly eat his dessert. “My name’s Arago.”

“Arago,” the kid repeats. He looks up, brown eyes bright in his face. His tears have dried, by now, his face returned to its normal pallor. You almost couldn’t tell he’d been crying. Dangerous, that. “‘M Ichigo.”

Arago grins down at him, ruffles his hair on impulse. “Ichigo? Cool. Nice to properly meet you, kid.”

A small smile flickers at the edge of the kid’s mouth, crooked but pleased. “Nice to meet you.”

Arago takes another lick of his ice cream and looks at the sky. The sun is starting to set. Whoever’s taking care of the kid will probably be worried.

“Getting real late,” Arago says. “You should probably get home, kid.”

The kid’s face falls, and Arago has a single second to think— Oh shit oh shit what if he doesn’t have a home anymore— before the kid says, “Oh. You’re leaving?”

This time, Arago’s spirits fall for a different reason. “That’s… Well…”

He wishes he could say otherwise—the kid’s finally smiling, and it’d be a shame if it died so soon, because Arago has a sneaking suspicious that the kid hasn’t smiled for a while now. But the truth is, Arago is leaving. He came to Karakura for a reason, and no matter how sympathetic he feels, it wasn’t to cheer up a lonely kid. He came to find the supernatural, and so far there’s been nothing concrete.

There’s no reason to stay.

He’s about to explain, in the simplest terms he can—when a flash of black catches the corner of his eyes.

Arago whips around. Nothing. But he trusts his eyes, and he knows— someone was there. He can feel it.

Years of walking the land of the Fair Folk has given Arago an awareness of the supernatural that’s near unmatched. Only Rio can challenge him, and that’s only when she dons the wolf pelt. Coco can track, and Oz is always on top of supernatural gossip… but in terms of pure, instinctual awareness? That’s all Arago.

So he knows. He knows that someone was there, less because of sight and more because of Sight. He can practically taste the lingering power in the air, the weighty regard of a powerful being. His skin crawls, and Bionic seems to hum beneath his skin, liquid fire in his veins. It’s the most positive magical reaction he’s gotten in ages— since he emerged from the land of the Fair Folk, even, and that was years ago.

“…Arago?”

“Huh?” He starts, turning back to the kid. “Oh, it’s nothing… I just thought…”

He sweeps the area one last time, but there’s nothing out of place—the setting sun, the ice cream vendor behind him, the empty rooftops, the families scattered around the street, the black cat sauntering from the alley…

“It’s nothing,” Arago says, but his heart beats loud in his ears, and he knows, he knows it’s not. Power has a distinctive taste, and after years of chasing down leads, Arago’s gotten damn good at finding it.

Jackpot.

He feels breathless. This is—this is good. Hell, this is the best lead he’s had since he began this quest. After a week of quiet, he’d thought Karakura was like every other place— another dud, the magic withered or long-since died. This one glimpse, faint though it was, has turned every plan on its head. Forget the faint taint of the river. Forget that weird glamour on the shop down the road. This is what Arago has been searching for. The power of eons. The power of the afterlife.

The power to awaken even the dead.

Just like, all his plans have changed. Arago grins down at the kid—Ichigo, right, he’ll have to remember that— and ruffles his hair again. “Nah, kid,” he says. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Ichigo blinks, eyes narrowing with faint suspicion, as if he suspects Arago of humoring him. “You’re not?”

“Just finding a hotel— you’ll see me again, probably. Hopefully under better circumstances.”

Ichigo’s smile returns full-force. It’s good. It’s a good thing. The kid’s face was made for smiling, and it’s a damn shame the world’s already tried to knock it off his face. “You’re staying here?”

“In Karakura? Yeah, for a bit.”

Ichigo’s eyes glitter. “Awesome,” says the kid, and Arago grins back.

“…Seriously, though. You should get going, yeah? Bad idea for a kid your age to stay out at dark.”

Ichigo rolls his eyes. “I know,” he says, far too patiently to actually mean it. Arago gets the distinct sense he’s being humored. It’s a really weird feeling. “I’m always careful.”

If the kid is anything like Arago was, that’s a bold-face lie. “Sure.”

That gets another grin out of the kid. Arago is on a roll. Maybe in a better life, he could have been a babysitter instead of a cop. What a weird thought.

The kid skips back a few steps, still hesitant, then looks up. “Thanks. For today. For what you said. It—” For a moment his young voice stutters, catching on the words. “It meant a lot.”

Then, before Arago can recover from that gut-punch, the kid turns neatly on his heel and barrels down the street. Gone in a matter of minutes.

Arago watches until the kid disappears from view, presumably into his house. on

He’s not in Karakura to help a kid deal with his grief, however responsible Arago feels. But… the flash of black cloth and power, there and gone again in mere moments. The legends of monsters and black butterflies, warriors appear and reappearing. The whispers in the magical community, of a door between life and death…

Arago only ever planned to be here a few days, but this sort of lead—it’ll take time. If he’s learned anything from being in the force, it’s that. Which means, Arago’s stay just got extended from a few days into a few weeks. Even months, depending on how elusive the magical community here is. He’s in for the long haul.

Arago can help the kid out too, while he’s out of it. He can do that. It’s not too hard.

He blows out another breath—less annoyance, more hardening of resolve—and turns in the opposite direction, heading towards the hotels. His hand sneaks into his pocket, and he types the number without looking, his mind still on the kid, on the black cloth, of grief and loss and how to deal with it.

He’s so unprepared for this. He never asked to take care of a kid. He doesn’t know how. But he wants to. Just like how Joe helped him, years ago, now it’s Arago’s turn. Paying the kindness forward.

The phone in his hand buzzes, trilling out three rings, and then a click. Just as usual.

“Arago, hey. You don’t usually call this early.”

“Yeah, sorry. It’s dusk over here. Did I wake you?”

“No, no. I’m making breakfast now, actually. Coco got an early shift.” A pause. “…You didn’t use up all the money already, did you? Everything pan out okay?”

“Hey!” he returns. “Yeah, no, everything’s cool. Weird day, but… Good. I’ll be staying in Karakura for a bit, I think.”

“You will? That’s… You think—this is it? Wait—what do you mean by weird day?! What’s happened?”

Arago grins.

“Honestly, Rio,” he says, leaning back his head to look at the darkening sky, “I don’t even know where to start.”

[xflower-childx]

You can’t have the Rainbow without the Rain

It's funny because when I share the adventures from this past week everyone assumes I'm in such a bad headspace and that I'm so torn down by it, when honestly I feel such a weight lifted. Yes it's been stressful, and I've had a few breakdowns but honestly... I'm happy and God I've felt so much more free this week and I can breathe. L brought me more stress than comfort. I was always on edge and feared my words, actions, and future when it came to living with her. I always felt this form of spite from her, but after talking with my boss she thinks it came from jealousy, which makes me laugh because I can't see why someone could be jealous of me. I mean... I'm an incredibly broke bitch just trying to get through life. Thinking on it more though I can see it in a way, from messages I've gotten from her to her all around attitude. She never left the house for her, she only left for her parents, the grocery store, or a fucked up ex or two she never cut off. She only ever moped around, rarely did her stay at home job, and took all of her dad's money. She never cared about herself and was more negative than I was in Middle school. Which says A LOT. I would always invite her out on my hikes, runs to town, or even outings with friends and she would say no with some negative comment about herself or say 'Daddy needs me to go run to this, this and that store and mom needs her Taco Bell and I just hurt so bad and my head is pounding and I feel like ass'. I would ask why her father couldn't do his own errands (which honestly... he NEVER did but also he's working to provide for him, his wife and their 35 year old CHILD after triple bypass surgery) and she would make some comment about how they won't always be around and she has to help them, but honestly... If she ran errands for them she could buy for herself as well.

I hate to sit here and speak so negatively of her but I know she did the same while kicking me out. Two wrongs don't make a right of course but... I dunno M&M has agreed that she lost her fucking mind this past week especially and it probably was part of changing up her meds which of course she has a million medications so it wouldn't surprise me. I had suggested she goes to a therapist which she nearly did but always blamed it on the VA and them not calling her or something along those lines. There was always an excuse though. For everything.

I remember having so many talks with her about trying to do better and actually care about herself and her future. She would make these baby steps forward and be so close to doing something good for herself but then she would have a night terror, headache, bad thought or text from her toxic boy toy and then it would be ten steps backwards straight to crying in bed. It was such heavy negative energy my empathetic ass was draining close to empty all the time. I would encourage us to eat something good, healthy, and filling and even make it but then she would order Papa John's with 'Daddys' money.

I know I have a bad habit of wanting to 'Fix' people but I just don't like seeing the people I care about hurting. I hate knowing that they can do such simple small things things to help make a big impact in their life and mental health but just won't do it and say they can't. I am always happy to help encourage them and I'm all about being the hype girl for my tribe. I'm all for bringing out the best in them and watching them succeed and sharing how proud I am of them. It brings me such Joy because seeing them being proud of themselves is the greatest. I feel it for them... And when L felt it for herself It made me the happiest because I also felt all her self hate. I remember my first months there confusing her self hatred for my own. It was this odd feeling because I felt like I had moved past that point within myself. The point of literally hating every aspect of myself from looks to personality. It didn't make sense because I do see the beauty in myself at this point and I see the good I bring. So for me to have mistaken the opposite of everything I had worked so hard to improve for my own it had really brought me down and confused me. Of course I took myself to the mountains at that point and did some reflection and worked on figuring out where my head was and why it was diving into such a dark place again. It worked and I realized I didn't have these issues of self loathing with myself, it was me sucking in all of L's negativity and taking it as my own. This also started to happen more and more. Thankfully I had figured it out and worked on blocking it out by creating a force field around myself so it wouldn't be so bad. This ended up creating a lot of trips to the mountains and staying in my room more than being social with her which I never want for my living arrangement.

I love NC, I'm incredibly happy with the place I am at with myself and how I've fought to get where I am. I know I have more growing to do, and more to learn but ultimately I'm happy and I don't really care to allow any negativity to ruin that. I know that when L first told me to leave she wanted me to fight back and beg to stay but I'm sick of begging for basic love and care from people, so I accepted it because I didn't deserve the way she handled everything and I knew I needed to get out of a toxic situation for my own health.

So where does that leave me now? Well currently I’m stalling on writing a letter to L to maybe help band aid some of the crazy drama as I can’t leave the friendship we had be completely destroyed. I’m with M&M and I have been slowly moving stuff downtown to my new place with a really cool new roommate who is the complete opposite of L which truly excites me, shes super low maintenance and the house is close if not over 100 years old. Its also painted rainbow colors and in the heart of downtown. I see a new chapter and I’m so open and ready for it. I see new friends and new experiences, Maybe even some traveling? I do have my mind still set on going to Asheville but I’m not rushing that just yet. Ideally by the end of the year, but January is only just coming to a close so we still have some time there. Also I”m still so open to anywhere else time takes me. Asheville is just a place to help me remember not to stay in WS,

I also wouldn’t mind opening up the dating door more. It’s been open of course but I also know this move could make meeting people easier in a sense. There is a guy who I’ve discovered having quite a bit in common with and we have enjoyed talking to each other and when we finally met up things went pretty well, a little awkward because that’s just how I am, but well... Until L showed up and wouldn’t shut up and then also the whole kicking out happened and my communication with everyone kinda fell to even more shitty than it typically is.

I just know that I do kinda want someone, someone to do something but also nothing with, someone to cheer each other on, and travel about. I want a person but I also want a person that wants me. I am perfectly content in my own space and prefer it most of the time, but I do want to share existence with someone and I don’t close anyone off, and maybe my friend D isn’t that person (Even though we share a lot of the same goals, music, and views) but the thought excites me again, being wanted and cared for, especially being that I kinda know how to be wanted and cared for in a sense.

Before I wrap this up though I wanted to share final thoughts with an R update for myself. I sort of feel hypocritical with the way I speak of L and her relationship with Florida dude. Granted he is far more toxic than I feel R could ever be in my case but I put that on us having a genuine relationship at one point. I did reach out when I had hit a wall this week and no, I don’t regret it, I just needed a friend, someone who I felt didn’t think I was terrible and could provide a song or two to help pull me out of wanting to just throw in the towel and leave the state. Did he provide that? Eh, not really. I feel if he wanted to be there for me more he would have been. I gave conversation and he didn’t really give back, which is fine of course as he is perfectly allowed to not be in my life if he doesn’t care to be. I honestly felt the same when Lil pup was super sick. He could have been there, but he chose not to be.

I know that I always had this silly little thought that maybe someday it would be us but with each failed text conversation I see that image break and break along with every realization of his lack of want to keep me in his life in anyway. Of course its my own silly stupidity to think that we could ever be endgame or friends or even acquaintances, but its always so hard to let go of something you cherish so much. I know that people leave your life and you just have to let them, but maybe its that I always wanted someone to want me in this way so its hard to let go, which is almost funny because he never even had this kind of want for me. I don’t really want to let go but I know I have to for someone to want me in the way I want to be wanted and needed. I also know that I do think about him, our time and stupid ‘what ifs’ more than I should because again, I see no future there when the other half of this duo doesn’t either.

These thoughts will fade with time of course and when someone truly steps up to love me the way I deserve, to travel, cook, and do everything and nothing with me. To see how rare I am and appreciate having me around the way he didn’t. This person will fight to be in my life the way I fought for someone who doesn’t want me in there’s, except I will accept their love and make sure they know I want it so they won’t have to fight so hard.

I know I miss him, or more of who we were when we were on top of the world in the boring state of Florida. I don’t really remember that all anymore though and I will continue to remember less and less of the good, which sucks because it appears only the bad will continue to remain sadly with no good left in its wake. I tried. I really did. I had hoped we could see and be on top of the world at some point but I know that’s another silly thought. If I have learned anything from all the drama this past week it’s that you can’t make people care if they don’t want to.You’ll just hurt yourself trying. I’m just exhausted at this point.

So I hope he is happy. I really do. I hope he’s happy where he is at physically and mentally. I hope he is finally a lot more comfortable in his own skin, which I know everyday is different and I don’t think he will ever be perfectly happy within himself in that way but I hope he has more good days than bad. I hope he finally allows himself to love again, and I hope she is nice, pretty, and is good. No more fake toxic bitches, but he has a taste so... Who knows. Either way, I hope he will finally love himself enough to share his love, because I know he has fantastic love to give.

Two days later and this is finally written, at least most of it. I need to get more writing out but I better write L that letter before I talk myself out of it. I’m kind of over being the good adult here but thankfully her drama is over... For now at least. I’m scared to see what shit she will say back after. Also bitch took my avocado container and ice pack >.>

Alright but here we go 2020. The year of growing in the kitchen, traveling not just the US but also internationally, moving out of WS, learning to rock climb, maybe finding some love? No rush with that as it shouldn’t be, but I’m very open to it :)   BUT it’s the year of good. I’m still happy, positive, and here. It’ll be a good year!

[julesthxmas]

how about beronica + saying their i love yous for the first time?

this has been sitting in my box forever and im sooory for that that :( but i do hope this makes up for it! this is overly cheesy because im in that mood. i hope you like it and thank you sm for sending this in!

Betty has knownthat she is in love with Veronica Lodge for a while now.

She doesn’t think about it too hard, doesn’thave a panic attack about it, doesn’t spend hours upon hours trying to dissectit, she just feels something one day, a feeling that’s been growing and warmingher chest for months and she just–knows.She knows that her heart will always beat a little faster every time Veronicasmiles at her, she knows that she’ll never tire of the way Veronica’s thumbstrokes her jaw every time they kiss, she knows that she could go her wholelife sleeping with Veronica who always has to have a majority of the blanketsand practically sleeps on top of Betty because she loves listening to theblonde’s heartbeat and never tire of it.

She knows this isit for her.

But actually voicing those three little words to hergirlfriend of nearly eight months is a whole other ball game.

-

“I don’t know howto like–” Betty shrugs, a frown in place “bring it up”

Kevin sighs andshifts around on Betty’s bed, one of her pillows tucked under his chin “Youjust tell her, B. You just say ‘I love you’, kiss her and listen to her say itback. Easy, peasy, lemon squeezy”

“But what if shedoesn’t say it back?” she turns away from her mirror to face Kevin “What ifshe’s not ready? Or just–” a sighs “Just doesn’t feel the same way, yet”

Her best friend(a title Veronica doesn’t fight for anymore claiming ‘girlfriend is a muchbetter than best friend’ and a title that Kevin has begrudgingly accepted thathe’s just going to have to share with Achie for all of his life) looks at herlike she just asked him the stupidest question the the face of the Earth“Betty, are you serious?”

“Yes, Kevin, it’sa serious concern–what if she doesn’t say it back and I have to stand thereand just act like that didn’t break my heart?”

“Oh my god” Kevinsits up on the bed, pushes the pillow that he had been hugging aside and patsthe space in front of him “c’mere, Elizabeth”

Betty eyes himfor a second before sighing and doing as told and plopping down in front of him“what?”

He grabs herhands and gives them a gentle squeeze“I say this with every ounce of love Ihave for you, okay? Remember that?” Betty nods and Kevin sighs “Okay–Betty youare a complete idiot”

“What–”

“Have you everjust seen the way Veronica looks at you?” he grabs her hands “Betty, that girlhas been head over heels since the moment she met you–she’s so love and it’sgross to even look at”

Betty chucklesand looks down at her hands “I–” she licks her lips “do you really think so?”

“I know”

The blonde smilesbefore launching herself into Kevin’s arms and hugging him tightly “love you,Kev”

“Love you too,Betty Boop” he pulls back and cocks his head “Now see? Was that so hard?”

The blonde grabsthe pillow sitting beside her and smacks him with it “oh shut it”

-

“Ronnie!” Bettyruns down the hall to catch up to her girlfriend, an arm wrapping around herwaist as soon as she gets within arms reach “tell me you’re not busy tonight”

“Hm” Veronicahums, a soft smile on her face “well, I had plans with Kevin but I’m sure hewould understand if I rescheduled for my beautiful girl”

Usually Bettywould change her mind and tell her to do whatever she was going to do but,instead, she just smiles and nods “please do because I have something plannedfor you”

“Ooh, a surprise.Color me intrigued” they stop in front of Veronica’s class door “can I have ahint?”

“Nope!” Bettygrins at her “then it’ll ruin the surprise”

“Oh fine, partypooper” Veronica gives Betty a quick peck “and if Kevin gets mad at me, I’msending him your way”

“I’ll handle him”

-

Kevin: is there areason u stole your girlfriend from me????

Betty: she’s mygirlfriend?

Kevin: i swear togod cooper,,,

Betty: I haveplans that involve me finally saying those three little words to her.

Betty: Whateveryou and ronnie had planned can wait can’t it?

Kevin: OMG!!!!

Kevin: YES. TAKEHER.

Kevin: IM SOPROUD OF YOU MY LIL GAY BBY

Betty: ill besure to pass on your approval.

Betty: thanks,kev.

Kevin: BESAAAAAFE ;))))

 -

Betty wipes hersweaty palms on her dress as she paces around her living room–she managed touse some guilt her mother still harbors about being, for the lack of a betterword, a shitty parent and got her to leave the house for a few hours, Pollybeing the best sister ever agreed to stay the night with Cheryl while herfather now lives across town in a little rundown apartment.

Her house iscompletely empty.

“Snap out of itCooper–you got this” she sucks in a deep breath “You just gotta–just gottasay it” she pauses her pacing and shakes her head “Okay, okay” she licks herlips and lets out a long breath “I love you, Veronica Lodge” the words feel alittle awkward in her mouth “I love you, Ronnie” she nods–a little better.

The doorbellgrabs her attention as it breaks the silence that had settled over the mostlyempty house. She wipes her palms on her dress one more time before going overto the door and yanking it open to reveal her grinning girlfriend “Hi” shemanages to whisper out, her nerves still on edge.

“Hello to youtoo, beautiful” Veronica drops a kiss on Betty’s lips as she steps inside. Shelooks around at the unusually empty house “Where’s Mama Coop and Polly?”

Betty huffs out alaugh–her mom is doing so much better now she it’s just her and Polly in thehouse and she knows all about her youngest daughter and Veronica but Veronicaand Alice’s  relationship is–strained. On even the best days. ‘Mama Coop’ is a nickname Veronica throwsaround as a tactic to both amuse and annoy Alice.

“She’s gonna begone for a few hours–went to go see a movie or two” she really doesn’t knowwhat her mother is going to do, is she’s being honest. All she knows is Alicesaid she’d be back at eleven sharp “And Pol is staying with Cheryl tonight”

Veronica’s mouthquirks into a smile “Oh” she spins around to face her girlfriend “So we’re alone?”

The blonde laughs“Yes but we are not going to be doing any of that–” Veronica pouts “At leastnot now. We’ll see how much time we have left to kill after dinner”

“I suppose I cantake that”

Betty just shakesher head and leads her girlfriend to the dining room where Veronica lets out alight gasp as soon as she enters–Betty 100% went all out to make the nightspecial, even if it’s on the verge of cheesey.

Which itdefinitely is with the dinner table covered in both purple and yellow rosepetals with a fairly large meal on top of flower petals, candles are placed allaround giving the room a soft glow while a song plays softly in the background.

“Oh–” she grips Betty’swrist “I–you did all of this?”

Betty nods, asoft smile tugging at the corner of her mouth “my mom may have helped with thefood, meaning I only helped with the cake but I decorated after she left” shebites down on her bottom lip “do you like it?”

Veronica blinksand smiles so brightly that Betty has to swallow back her ‘i love you’–“I loveit, baby. It’s amazing”

“Good” Bettymummers, she squeezes Veronica’s hand before letting go “Now let’s get toeating. I didn’t have my mom make most of this while I was at school just so wecould stare at it”

Veronica snortsas she sits down in her chair.

(a chair, Bettyso lovingly pulls out for her)

Dinner goes offwithout a hitch–their conversation flows easy like it always does, they bothmanage to take down most of the dinner and by the time they get to thechocolate cake, most of the candles have gone out save for the few on the tableleaving an even more intimate feeling to the room.

Betty smilesaround the forkful of cake that Veronica feeds to her “Now” Veronica places thefork on the plate and smiles her softest smile “what did I do to deserve such alovely evening, huh? It’s not my birthday and it’s not our anniversary so whatmade you pull all of this together?”

“Can’t I just dosomething nice for my girlfriend?”

Veronica hums “ofcourse but you, mi amor, are easy to read. You’ve been nervous all night” shetaps Betty’s wrist lightly “you keep grabbing your dress and wrinkling the poorthing”

Betty huffs andrelaxes her fist that had been holding onto the light pink fabric “Are you sureyou’re not the detective in the relationship?”

“Just observant”she cocks her to the side “Now–what’s going on in that amazing mind of yours?”

The blonde sucksin a breath “Okay–” she reaches across the table and grabs both of Veronica’shands, she does her best to push the idea of rejection out of her mind–sheloves Veronica and she wants to tell her, what happens after is something shecan’t think of “Ronnie, I–I did do this because I wanted–I want to–” Bettysighs and steels herself–she can do this. No matter what happens after, shejust knows she wants, she needs to tell Veronica she loves her.

Betty locks eyeswith her girlfriend and sucks in a deep breath “Veronica, when I first met you,the moment I looked into your eyes, I knew that you were going to impact me insome way. Maybe good, maybe bad, I didn’t know but I knew my life would foreverbe changed, be shifted and–and I never thought it would be like this. I neverimagined, even in my wildest dreams, that I would fall for you so hard but youmade it so easy” Veronica’s eyes shine with unshed tears as Betty sucks in abreath to keep herself from tearing up.

“With your big heart that accepted me from themoment I showed you around school, with the way you are so kind to people youdon’t even know, with the way you want to protect everyone you love, everythingabout you made it so easy to fall just–just so deeply in love with you” Veronica lets out a wet laugh, twotears rolling down her face “because I do. I love you, I love everything aboutyou and, maybe we’re too young to say forever but I do know that, right here,right now, I love you”  

There’s a beat asBetty sucks in a shaky breath, two tears rolling down her own face and thenVeronica launches herself at the blonde, clumsily pressing her lips againstBetty’s. The kiss is sweet and loving and salty from both their tears but itfeels oh, so right.

Veronica lets outa shaky breath as she disconnects her lips from Betty’s “I love you too” shebreathes out and Betty feels like her face could break with how widely shesmiles at the words “I love you so much, you huge, romantic dork” Veronica cupsBetty’s face and presses a light kiss to the corner of Betty’s mouth “I havebeen dying to tell you for so long now–I was waiting for the right moment butit seems you made the right moment”

Betty laughs“I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time too” she brushes her noseagainst Veronica’s “it was kind of killing me and I just didn’t wanna blurt itout so–” she gestures to the room “here it is”

The brunettebeauty laughs “it is” she moves her hand and picks up a purple petal“enchantment” her words are soft “ Love at first sight” Betty blushes lightly,leave it to Veronica to know what every color flower means “and–” Veronicaplucks a yellow petal up “friendship”

Betty snorts“seemed fitting for us. A nice full circle moment”

Veronica smiles “and–”she pauses a moment as the song playing softly in the background finally comesto her “Songbird”

“I listened to itand–it felt right”

“God, I love you”Veronica breathes out “and it feels so good to say that”

Betty smiles “Ilove you too”

“And it feelsreally nice to hear it too” they trade a few more kisses before Betty pullsback, a mischievous glint in her eye.

“you know–” shespares a look at the clock that hangs behind Veronica “We still have an hourand half before my mom gets home”

Veronica’s eyestwinkle “then what are we still doing down here?”

-

(They manage topull themselves apart from each other and put themselves together just fiveminutes before Alice opens the front door while the mother chooses to ignorethat fact that all of Veronica’s lipstick is gone and seems to have rubbed offall over her daughter’s face)

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: 😞 Rio: Well, Indie was so fucked she didn't even remember you being there.. soz you were so unforgettable, babe Rio: You get home alright? Buster: Always am, babe 😏 Even if it's the one time I'd rather be without the -un Buster: Course Rio: Ugh, trust you to run with a typo! 😂 Rio: I clued her in but she is not feeling adequately sorry for it, like Rio: didn't clue her in THAT hard, fuck but you know 😒 Buster: Trust you to make it Buster: Both of you missing me that bad already, yeah? Rio: She is, making me wanna slap her if she weren't so clueless what's she's saying 🙄 Bless Rio: and my fingers slipped, what of it boy Buster: At least you don't need to be jealous of her Buster: Hot as that'd be Buster: UNsurprised, you make a habit of that around me, like 😏 Rio: Apparently, I am, like 🤷 Rio: Full of it, she is Rio: too alike, you two, never work Rio: Oh, did she bite you, btw? She's got a loose tooth, how, I ask you... Buster: Well she's your lil mate, so again, unsurprised all around Buster: But nah, bite mark free Buster: Keep sleuthing that one Rio: Not even gonna argue Rio: more of a mini-me than any of my other sibs 😚 Rio: I daren't ask around tbh, we've secured she ain't knocked up, I'll take that so we'll just book the dentist appointment and forget all about it, I reckon Buster: Yeah, she's cockblocked me too now Buster: Thank Christ nobody could've said THAT kid's mine Buster: Don't need another coming Rio: I'm not on team cockblock anymore! Rio: Trust, no one's madder than me Rio: Don't even play that is literally the LAST thing I need on top of everything else Rio: Can you imagine? No wonder Nan had a coronary, if Indie was about to be a Ma...Lawd o mercy Buster: Maybe the dentist'll sort her head out Buster: Nobody's having fun there Buster: Not saying payback for ruining the mood but I'll still take it, cheers Rio: Harsh but Rio: feeling it 😂 Rio: even Mums get to be bitches, yeah? Buster: They're the best at it Buster: Have you met mine? Rio: Not saying you deserve it but Rio: 😉 Buster: Fuck off Buster: You know I deserved last night and that didn't happen Rio: I know Rio: Universe just upping the stakes Rio: Only means I've gotta make it up to you harder when it finally happens Buster: You better Buster: When I come back, clear the fucking schedule Rio: Duh Rio: You best come for AT LEAST a weekend Buster: You'll have to give yourself a week to recover even then Rio: 😏 Rio: Big talk but that's yet to be seen Buster: Trust me, it ain't Rio: Don't tease me when you've only just left Rio: When do you next have an excuse to be back? Buster: Not even trying to it's just Buster: Fuck Buster: Already working on it. Get thinking too, family this big there's gotta be something soon, like Rio: Check the schedule 'fore I clear it, no probs Rio: but I know Rio: I promise I feel it too Rio: [Sends photographic evidence] Buster: What happened to no teasing when I've only just left? Rio: You started it Buster: Doesn't mean you have to finish me off Rio: That's EXACTLY what it means Rio: Hope you're actually back and not still on the plane 😂 Don't mile high without me Buster: Not trying to almost crash a plane and a car in such a short space of time Buster: Bit rude to take the plane down with how desperate you are to go down on me Rio: Gotta gain some self-control boy Rio: getting dangerous now Buster: Don't Buster: Self control is the ultimate cockblock Buster: No going back Rio: You reckon? Buster: Yeah Rio: Had to see Chlo yet? Buster: She's been trying to sext me Buster: So nah Rio: 😬 Rio: Oh honey, no Buster: If she had any game that'd be one thing but she ain't Rio: I can only imagine the levels of vanilla Buster: And don't bother 'cause whatever you reckon it's worse Rio: Ick, yeah I'll save my daydreaming for better, tah Rio: aren't you glad to be back in London town? 😂 Buster: Yeah 'course Buster: Fuck Dublin. Nothing there like Rio: Just decent craic and people, like Rio: but nah, the eye, cracking stuff that Rio: Please 😜 Buster: 😂 Buster: You not planning to visit then? Fine Rio: Can't really, can I Rio: Oh hi guys, just passing Rio: Plus, clearly need to keep a better eye on Indie Buster: Who knows who she might make a move on next Rio: She ain't even shamed, it's terrible 😂 she asked if you were into it Rio: took the liberty of saying no on your behalf so you can't say nothing Buster: Cheers Buster: I'd usually call you out but it's Indie like Rio: 😒 yeah, fight me on that one and we're gonna have trouble Buster: Hot as you are when you're angry, nah Rio: You say that now Rio: Wanna put it to the test? 🥊 Buster: Not yet Rio: Softie Buster: Shut up Buster: You know I ain't when I'm around you Buster: Can't say you've forgotten last night like Indie has Rio: I wish Rio: Can't stop remembering it, like Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: Then I remember how it ended, or didn't Rio: and I'm back to square one Buster: So much for the bathroom memories Buster: Holding Indie's hair back wasn't the one, like Rio: 🤢 Rio: boner killer if ever there was Rio: not, according to her but our vibe was DOA Buster: What? She got form at that has she? Nice Buster: Not my kink like but Rio: Coulda been in your mouth appaz Rio: Lucky you're tall Buster: Fucking hell Buster: Glad I left when I did Buster: Also not, you know but Rio: Yeah Rio: Probably could've left 'em at it and carried on Rio: but even my captivating charm has got limits Rio: 16 year old lads on one is not ideally how I want this going down Buster: Now you tell me Buster: Same though, unsurprisingly Rio: Just saying Rio: She'd never have known, messy bitch Rio: Too old for that shit, huh dad? Buster: Fuck off Buster: I ain't marrying you like Buster: The honeymoon would be worth it but couldn't hack the rest Rio: 😏 Whatever, you got the spawn to prove it Rio: Protest all you like Buster: The attitude's all yours though, ma Rio: Shut up Rio: Just 'cos you were too turned on to deal with the situation effectively Rio: 2nd time btw Rio: not that I'm counting Buster: Not my fault you're such a MILF Rio: 😂 that is so not my category Rio: friggin' cheek Buster: And it's not like you weren't, there was just nothing to prove how turned on you were to Indie and the lads Rio: Your word against mine, babe 😉 Buster: Yeah? Buster: I'll make you say it, trust me Rio: Wish you would Buster: Wish I could right now Rio: Fucking real life getting in the way Buster: Nothing but Chlo looming over me could stop me Buster: Trust her to be descending on my pad Rio: Big enough to hide Rio: just no seek Buster: My dad told her my flight info. Fucking traitor Buster: Can't even pretend I'm not back Rio: Awkward Rio: Feel that shotgun barrel between your shoulder blades? Rio: Meant to be her 'rents, not yours Buster: Don't Buster: Like yeah she said it was an emergency and she had to know, but how clueless is he Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: Clearly your Ma ain't as psycho as she seems Rio: Chlo's a special breed Buster: Christ. She really is Rio: Don't envy you at all Rio: my ex's antics seem ridiculously tame in comparison Buster: Have you heard from the latest? Rio: Oh yeah Rio: my own fault for repeating but truly opened the floodgates there Buster: Third time's the charm, ain't that what they say Rio: He's gonna magically get better, is he? Rio: I doubt that Rio: Indie reckons I gotta diversify anyway, hit that target demographic Buster: You could teach him Buster: Proper ma moves Rio: Some shit can't be taught, McKenna Rio: like not being a total twat Buster: Is he giving you grief? Buster: I'll sort it if he is Rio: Love a bit of chivalry, don't you Rio: Nah, he just is one, its nothing personal Buster: I mean it, Rio. Anyone is. Tell me and they won't Rio: You're cute Rio: I can handle myself though, you don't need to worry Buster: I ain't worried, just saying Rio: Shh Buster: You gonna make me? Rio: Such hard work, boy Rio: Give it my best shot across like Buster: You love it Buster: Always working like Rio: Got bills to pay 'til Indie can herself Buster: Keep the hustle going, babe Buster: I gotta run, Chlo's here Rio: Enjoy Rio: Tell her I said hiya Buster: Hey Rio: You're alive then Rio: How was it? Buster: Course Buster: Take more than her to kill my vibe Buster: How are you? Rather hear that Rio: You sure Rio: No shame in it Rio: She's...a lot Rio: I'm cool, getting ready for a shift Buster: It's my own fault, can't be crying over it, can I? Rio: 'Course you can Rio: Mixed reviews of judgment and lack of sympathy with the rest but I ain't gonna come at you with either Rio: better to rant here than to her, init Buster: Yeah Buster: Not like she'd listen but I'd know what I said Rio: So, still acting like she deaf blind n dumb then? Buster: About me and her at least Buster: I can't make it clearer Buster: Might have to fuck you in front of her, sorry like Rio: Steady on, like Rio: How has she got this far in life being so delusional? I blame the parents Rio: does she legit think she can gaslight you into a relationship like babe Rio: what's the idea here Buster: They don't stock brains in YSL Buster: I can't keep at this with her Rio: Its shit Rio: and you thought I played games Rio: got to find her breaking point with wanting you, but you can't go so far that she will try and withhold the kid from you as punishment Rio: gotta find the line before you can toe it like Buster: Yeah Buster: Never calling you a tryhard again, babe Rio: Definitely won't stick to that but Rio: happily let her take the title and crown Rio: maybe when her hormones quiet down she'll be better? ehh, comforting lie anyone? Buster: Maybe Buster: They better, I'm done with this shit Rio: Not long to go now Buster: All I do is wait now Buster: Sick of it Rio: I know Rio: Gotta let the kid finish cooking though, then you'll have Uni too Rio: it'll all pay off Buster: I know Rio: Try and enjoy your last summer of freedom, yeah? Buster: Yeah Buster: No pressure Rio: Gotta get used to it Rio: May as well be now Buster: Cheers Buster: Feel so much better now like Rio: You want me to bullshit you? Rio: That's the life you want, right? Pressure is your rocket fuel, like Buster: I'm just playing Rio: Oh, then that's the spirit Buster: 😏 Rio: Such a headfuck Buster: Says you, babe Rio: I'm not having a kid, like Rio: we all almost made it to adulthood Buster: There's always one fucking it up for the rest Buster: Why not me? Rio: Why not Rio: probably fucked up some bets, won others Buster: I'll take that Rio: Defending my honour and taking the first bullet Rio: What a doll Buster: Like you said, chivalry's my thing Rio: If it works for ya Rio: Not complaining Buster: You're not complaining cause it works for you too Rio: Maybe Buster: Can't deny it, babe Rio: Can and will Buster: Not for much longer Rio: Promises, promises, McKenna Buster: You know I'll keep 'em Rio: You've gotta at this point Rio: Can't not happen Buster: Understatement Rio: even if its just once Buster: Can you handle that? Rio: If I have to Rio: try and be a good girl about it Buster: You've got as much chance of that as you have of ignoring me ever Rio: I reckon that's just a cover for how little faith you've got in yourself on that one Rio: 🤷 Buster: My word against yours, babe Rio: We both know the truth, though Buster: Yeah? Buster: What do you reckon Rio: I reckon we both know once ain't gon' be enough Buster: Especially if we do it right Rio: Dunno how else to do it, babe Buster: Good Rio: Why is it you always see the people you don't wanna out, like Rio: catch me 'changing the barrel' multiple times Buster: Which cunt is it tonight like? Rio: Every cunt Rio: Told you off for dissing but genuinely sick of Dubo atm Rio: every punter's a comedian, or reckons they know where Edie is but then gives fuck all useful information actually Buster: Come here Buster: I know you don't wanna leave her but we can still keep tabs the same Rio: I know you're right, what use am I actually being, like Rio: but Rio: Idk, it don't matter Buster: Tell me Rio: Well, I know she didn't mean it how she said it, 'cos she took it back straight away Rio: but Indie says I'm only sticking around 'cos I'm guilty, and when I feel better, I'll fuck off Rio: and I don't want her to think I don't feel guilty Rio: or that I'm leaving her Buster: Fuck Buster: It's shit that you had to hear it though Rio: I'd rather she said it than silently thought it but Rio: yeah Buster: You've got nothing to feel guilty about, you know that, yeah? Rio: Don't lie Buster: I'm not Rio: Right Rio: Well, stop being nice then Buster: Say it first Buster: You've done nothing wrong Rio: I can't, Buster Buster: You won't. Different thing Buster: You can Rio: I don't wanna lie Rio: in general but especially just so I kid myself Rio: what's the point Buster: It ain't a lie, babe Buster: I promise you Rio: Certainly didn't help the situation did it Rio: what I do, fuck shit up for the rest 'cos I can't keep my knickers up Buster: Shut up Buster: That's the lie there Buster: They'd be fucked without you and you know it Rio: Or I'd be fucked without them Rio: am fucked, let's face it Buster: Bullshit Buster: You're perfect, remember? Rio: Only when we're playing Buster: You know that ain't true Rio: S'alright Rio: I've had my bathroom breakdown, mascara barely touched, we're good to go Buster: One of these days you're gonna believe me Rio: Never Rio: but its fun pretending with you Buster: I've told you before, you're real Buster: And how good you look is too real Rio: Why can't you be a dick to me Rio: I'd know how to deal with that Buster: I don't want to Rio: Selfish Buster: Not when it proper counts Rio: Humble brag Rio: thanks for the heads up or this would be really awkward and disappointing Buster: Thrive under pressure, remember? Buster: No worries Rio: You ain't worried, I know Rio: Know you're no scared virgin with it Buster: Nor you Rio: One thing I ain't scared of Buster: Rio Buster: You can tell me whatever, you know Rio: Yeah? Rio: that part of the deal now? Buster: If you want Rio: I dunno, you'll have to handle the paperwork Rio: wanna distract you from the pressure, not add more Buster: Why not? Thrive on it Buster: And I ain't scared of nothing so Rio: Fine line, babe Buster: I can walk it Rio: You're so sure, huh? Buster: Yeah Rio: Shouldn't be surprised Rio: cocky bastard Buster: No arguments here Rio: Only 'cos you're Mr. Nice Guy all of a sudden Rio: don't be TOO nice, yeah? Buster: You wanna fight, babe 🥊 Go on Rio: Not exactly what I had in mind Rio: submission is more than willing, like Buster: It's not gonna be that easy Rio: Why not? You don't wanna give me what I deserve? Buster: I don't wanna just give you anything Buster: Where's the fun in that Rio: 🤤 Rio: that's the Buster I want Buster: How bad Rio: You still gotta ask? Rio: I do need to work harder to show you Buster: I don't have to Buster: Just want to Rio: I get it Rio: I'm nowhere near tired of hearing it either Rio: tired of it being all chat though fr 😒 Buster: I feel that too Buster: Soon, I swear Rio: Promise? Rio: To the point I don't even fucking care, if people keep getting in the way then they only got themselves to blame Buster: Yeah Buster: We've held back long enough Buster: Too fucking long Rio: Practically a saint over here Rio: and a nun Buster: You better not be Rio: Yeah, found Jesus in the time it took yas Rio: and he's a top ride, like Buster: 😂

[rockwell-rocky-blog]

Lucas ‘Rocky’ Rockwell | 25 | The Calamity 

Hi what is up my doodz??? My name is Hailey, I’m 21, and this smol dog is my Rocky. Now sit back and let me tell you a lil sum sum about my boi

Basics.

I feel like Rocky is going to be a really easy person to get along with. He’s not going to be like super nice and cheery or something, but definitely not the kind of guy to just dislike people from the start. He needs a good reason to be a dick to you, and he will if given the need.

That’s why I call Rocky an asshole, because once he decides he doesn’t like you, it’s just like that for life. He doesn’t just dislike people, he hates with every fiber of his being. He’ll throw a punch without a second thought or rip you to shreds with just a few words.

I chose ‘the calamity’ because wherever Rocky goes, trouble follows. He doesn’t look for trouble, it just finds him. He has a history of drug abuse (which you’ll see below) and it ultimately destroyed his family. I see him as a person who frequently fucks up and has to figure out how to fix it.

He’s in love with Molly Mattinson, the mother of his three boys who have yet to be named at this very moment. He’s probably still going to flirt around and has been around since their break up a few years ago, but I don’t think there’s ever going to be anyone else for him in the same way he loves her.

That’s about it??? idk what else to say about his personality because I haven’t figured it out yet but yeah HMU IF YOU WANNA LOVE ON THIS BABE??? 

Childhood.

TRIGGER WARNING: PHYSICAL, SEXUAL, AND VERBAL ABUSE MENTIONED

His full name is Lucas James Rockwell III., but he exclusively goes by Rocky. It derives from his last name, and he chose to ditch his first name when he was adopted at fourteen. His father wanted to pass on the family name to his oldest son, but he didn’t stick around for very long. 

When Rocky was eight, his dad walked out on them and he never saw him again. After that, he and his three siblings were left to fend for themselves, as their alcoholic mother was no help at all. When she wasn’t passed out drunk or out on some bender she would verbally, physically, and eventually in Rocky’s case, sexually abuse them every chance she got. 

His mother, who Rocky refuses to address as anything other than ‘Tina’, began to force intimacy on him shortly after he turned ten. It became so routine, that whenever she’d get home, Rocky would just become physically ill and begin to throw up. Just the thought of his mother caused a reaction sometimes, and even to this day he still feels sick when she crosses his mind. 

It all came to an end when Rocky was in the 7th grade. He was changing out of his clothes in gym class and the coach noticed a large, painful looking bruise on the back of his thigh. Soon after, the investigation started and the Rockwell siblings lives changed forever. 

He and his older sister was placed in separate group homes, while his elementary school aged siblings were placed into foster homes together, and soon adopted by loving families. While he was able to keep contact with his sister, he hasn’t spoken to his two other siblings in years.

After living in several different group homes, Rocky was lucky enough to meet Monica and Harvey Carlin, the two people he would eventually learn to call mom and dad. They were volunteers his group home, and Harvey took a special interest in the young man. He was nearing his fourteenth birthday, and Harvey saw a lot of himself in the kid. He, too, had been abused by his parents and ended up in the same Seattle boys home he was helping out in now. He decided to be a mentor to him, teaching him things a father should teach. It was nice for him to finally have an adult in his life who seemed to care.

After about a year of being in his life, Harvey and Monica asked Rocky if he wanted to join their family. They welcomed him in with open arms, and the adoption was finalized with a party of over 100 new family members to welcome him home. 

Adolescence.

TRIGGER WARNING: DRUG ABUSE 

While Rocky was still in foster care, he met the wonderful Molly Mattinson and took almost no time falling in love with her. It took him nearly a year to officially ask her to be his girlfriend, because she was perfect and he didn’t want his past to ruin her. He was afraid that after everything he’d been through, she would decide he was too damaged to even bother. Molly became the most consistent thing in his life, and to this day he feels like he will never be able to fully thank her for that.

When he was sixteen, their worlds became intertwined forever. Rocky and Molly were having a baby. He was terrified to tell the Carlins, the family who had actually chosen him. He didn’t want to make them regret ever taking a chance on him, only two years into being under their roof and he was already knocking someone up. Of course, the ever-loving Harvey and Monica were anything but regretful. While they definitely weren’t happy, they did their best to support the young couple in every way they could through the pregnancy.

Knowing he couldn’t rely on them forever. He tried to both work and go to school, but when the baby finally came, he knew it was hopeless. It wasn’t like he was ever going to go to college, why even bother graduating? He dropped out before junior year started and began to work full time to support his family.

 About a year later, Molly was pregnant with their second child, and that is when everything started to go downhill. Between being a father and working full time, things became a little too stressful for Rocky. He was just seventeen and already paying for an apartment, a car, groceries, a baby, and now he had another one on the way. He just needed a little something to take the edge off. 

During Molly’s second pregnancy, Rocky started down the path that would eventually lose him his family. After first, it was just weed. It was always around, he’d smoked before and it wasn’t a big deal. But then it was pills. Then it was both at the same time. And then eventually he was just never sober. But hey, he had it under control, right?

After their second child was born, everything just got worse. He started getting into heavier and heavier things, his drug of choice being heroin, but eventually there wasn’t a drug he hadn’t tried. 

His first OD was when he was eighteen and the boys were still too young to remember, but it definitely wasn’t the last. In total, Rocky overdosed six times between the ages of seventeen and nineteen, all from a mix of heroin and morphine. The doctors kept warning his family that he needed to get help, and he refused treatment under any circumstance. He did not want to get better, but he knew he was losing Molly. 

In a last stitch effort to save his little family, Rocky planned the pregnancy of their third child. In his state, none of his decisions were good ones, and that included lying to his girlfriend about pulling out and soon baby number three was on his way, but it couldn’t save the relationship. 

Rocky’s last overdose happened when he was twenty one and the boys were five, four, and two, and it happened when everyone was home. He stumbled home already messed up, and quickly locked himself in the bathroom to take himself completely over the edge. It wasn’t on purpose, but two days later he woke up in the hospital with an IV drip and the news that he died that night. He had a heart attack and he was technically dead for three whole minutes. That was his wake up call. That was it. He’d finally it rock bottom. He’d almost taken a father away from his kids because he was so selfish. It was then that he knew he had to finally take care of himself. He let Molly check him into rehab the next day, and so began his road to recovery.

Adulthood.

After his three month stint in rehab, Rocky was shocked to find that Molly took their kids and moved away. He figured her lack of communication was just due to her wanting to focus on the kids and let him get better on his own. But by the time he was out, he couldn’t even blame her. He knew what he’d put her through, what he’d put their children through with his addiction. If being away from him was what she thought was best for her and the boys, he couldn’t blame her.

Rocky has been completely drug free for two years. He fell off the wagon a few times, but hasn’t touched a single drug since May 2015, and has put all of his focus on being a better person, and a better father.

I’m not proofreading any of that, I just hope it makes sense LMAO