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cosmos-coma · 4 months

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My Sun, My Star- Part 2

A/N: Thank you all SO MUCH for your great comments on part one. I couldn't have asked for a better crowd to receive my work! Because so many people asked for it I've finally written a part 2! I honestly can't tell how good it is any more cause I've probably read it through 12 times in the last two days lol, so enjoy!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 7476 (whoops)

Warnings: Pregnant reader, Otherwise GN reader (no pronouns), Occasional use of "Y/n", Injury, Bucky's kind of an ass when hes upset (but redeemable), arguing.

Summary: Bucky finds out that you met the Winter Soldier and he is Not happy.

Part 1 | Part 3 | Epilogue | Bucky Masterlist

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________

“Doll…?” you heard the familiar voice call, rough and gritty from its recent use but still carrying that same soft tone he used with you.

Your heart swelled as you lowered your hand from your face “Bucky...?”

He looked tired, so so tired. What was once sweet blue eyes were now diluted with exhaustion, no longer the brisk gaze you had learned to find comfort in. But still, a smile of relief eased onto your features at the mere sight of him and slowly the spark in his eyes began to return.

“Bucky!” You rushed to the thick door separating you, your hands eagerly jiggling the locked knob as you tried to get in. All you wanted to do was hold him, to hold his face, his hands; you wanted to feel and squeeze all of him just to know that he was truly back.

“Sheesh, hold on!” Tony complained, “At least let us take the wiring off first, we can’t have you coming in and messing up- hey! HEY, stop smudging the glass!” Tony shouted as he worked quickly to detach the wires of various machines from his head.

Bucky laughed a bit as he sat up carefully, rolling the pain out of his shoulders and arms when something didn’t feel right. He winced as he felt his soft shoulder complain against the movements and looking over he spotted the bandage taped tight to his skin- a small dot of blood peeking through the solid white; before he could ask about it Tony was already sending a technician to unlock the door.

“Alright, alright, we’re opening the door, stop your jiggling…” the billionaire griped.

As soon as you saw your opening you ran straight for him, your leg be damned as you stumbled into his waiting arms, “Bucky, my heart...” you whispered with relief as you hugged him as close as you possibly could. It was times like these when you cursed your body’s rotund transformation as it refused to let you get that much closer to him. But none of it mattered as his strong arms wrapped around you in turn, flooding you with the familiar scent and warmth of his amber-like musk.

“Hey, Doll…” The super soldier rasped softly in your ear, his voice still a little rough from the muffled shouts of pain just minutes before. His brow tightened and he held in a wince at the impact of your hug, refusing to let you see him falter as pain jolted his shoulder.

“What are you still doing up?” he asked with a smile, the roughness finally easing away and slipping back into the smooth rumble of his natural voice. His eyes trailed down your face and body, stopping abruptly at the bandage wrapped around your calf. He frowned as his brows creased together uneasily, “What happened to your leg? Who-” he started to ask, but before he had a chance to finish Tony interrupted with his usual reminders.

“Alright, I’m sure you remember-” He paused a moment, shrugging, “well, maybe- that although you may not remember anything now, it should all come back over time,” Tony said as he typed updates into Bucky’s file. “Given that this wasn’t a very long recession- just a few hours- you should remember everything in a couple of days,” he decided with a firm nod, looking over to the disheveled man. “Do you remember anything from last night?”

Bucky shook his head, “I remember the basement and the flashing lights…I remember following Sam back out to the jet, but it starts getting fuzzy there,” he said as he ran his fingers through his hair. His mind was exhausted from switching back and forth and he really didn’t have the energy to delve into it much longer. “I think I remember coming back to the tower, but it’s not clear.”

“Hm, Interesting,” Tony remarked as he typed in a few more long lines into the already lengthy files. Bucky couldn’t quite make out the words on the pages and pages of information on himself and the Winter Soldier, but then again, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know anyway.

“Well,” continued Tony, looking at you now, “seeing as I’ve heard that your front door is in a state of disrepair-”

“-Kicked in,” you corrected swiftly, making Bucky’s concern rise.

“Semantics, ” Tony disregarded with a wave of his hand, “-you two are welcome to stay in the tower until we get it fixed. Barnes’ old room is still open; I trust you two remember the way there?”

----

You stepped into Bucky’s old room, a few personal items still scattered around here and there, but barely anything significant. Strong arms snaked around your waist, careful of your belly as they pulled you close against their firm frame.

Soft laughter bubbled from your chest as you gazed up at him, your head leaning back against his solid build, “Just like old times, huh?” You mumbled happily as you rubbed your hand up and down his forearms.

“Mmm, back when I used to sneak you into the tower every other night?” his body rumbled with a gentle laugh, remembering the fond moments. The two of you lingered in the peaceful space for a moment, both of you happy to have finally put the stress of the past few hours behind you. Large hands smoothed down your rounded belly, inching the fabric of his sweatshirt up so he could feel his little girl properly.

You hummed softly, contentment easing into your every pore as you let out a big yawn. You were finally feeling the full weight of the day and you wanted nothing more than to collapse onto the small mattress. You pulled back, bringing his knuckles up for a quick kiss as you stepped away, “I’m gonna get ready for bed. I’m beat…we both are,” you said with a gentle pat to your belly.

Bucky nodded as he watched you leave his arms, your gait just slightly uneven as you tried to hide the extent of your limp, “Doll…” he called, causing you to glance back.

“You never answered me earlier. What happened to your leg? And what did Stark mean by our door being broken in…?” he asked, watching closely as you stood with your back to him. Your shoulders tensed the slightest bit as he asked, your gaze turning away as you searched desperately for the right way to tell him.

“I… It was an accident….” you said, trying to ease him into it as you started explaining from the beginning “I was at home in bed when-” You started, but he had already begun connecting the dots. The basement, the blood, the lapse in memory, only to finally find himself awake in Tony’s lab? It was all too familiar.

“You met him, didn’t you?” He asks quietly, “The Winter Soldier….” The room went silent as you hesitated to answer, only the tremble of your beating heart to be heard in your ears, but it was all the reply he needed.

He could feel the growing heat of anger simmer beneath his skin. He had failed you- he couldn’t frame it in any other way. He had tried so hard for so many years to keep you from meeting him, to keep you safe, and now- in your most vulnerable state- he had failed. Deep in his heart, he knew he was only angry with himself, but knowing it still didn’t seem to stop the way his words bubbled over and burned, “Why didn’t you tell me? Did he do this to you?” He pointed at your bandage, his anger was simmering into a rolling boil when it suddenly crashed into an icy panic.

“Shit, did he-” He gulped and continued with the faintest shuddering his breath, “Did he try to…? ” He couldn’t even finish the sentence, the thought too scary to speak into existence as his hand fell to your bump in worry. As an assassin his targets had always been adults in the past; would the Winter Soldier really target a child? Bucky couldn’t say for certain either way and that was enough for him to worry.

“What...? Bucky, no. He would never-“

“Do not tell me what he would and would not do, Y/n,” he seethed, using your name for the first time in what felt like forever. You had always been his doll….

“You think I don’t know the things he’ll do? You think I don’t see them again and again at night? No one is an exception to him, not even you-“

“But I-“

“And if you truly believe that-” his voice grew lower, his anger coming out in slicing breaths as he spoke, “-then maybe you’re not as smart as you let people believe you are….”

You suck in a sharp breath as his last words hit you. You felt like a bucket of ice was thrown directly over your head and your brain reeled as it tried to make sense of it all. ‘Did he… did he really just say what I think he said?’ you questioned, but your brain just played those thorn-covered words on repeat, rubbing the truth into your open wounds. You tried not to take them to heart, you knew it had been a long day for the both of you, but how could you not?

You took a shuddering breath as you looked down, tears welling in your eyes that you willed him not to see. You were too tired for this.

“Y/n..” he sighed as he watched you wordlessly gather his old clothes, long forgotten in the drawers from when he first moved in with you all that time ago. “Y/n, Where are you going? Come back here…”

“I’m going to find another room.” You explained simply, forcing calmness into your tone, but you still couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Doll, I’m sorry-”

“No.” You said firmly, causing him to raise his eyebrows a bit as slowly you turned to face him, “I'm far too tired for this tonight, James. it’s been a long night, we’re both in pain, and you obviously need some time to cool down, because the Bucky I know? He would never speak to me like this,” You struggled to hold in your venom as you harshed out those last words, “Goodnight, Bucky.”

You let the welled-up tears finally break free as the door clicked closed behind you. Sniffling back the onslaught you wiped away your tears to peek around the hall, eventually settling on the room just across from his. “FRIDAY? Open up the door to room 7 please…” you asked, relieved when she did exactly as you asked- you’d have to thank Tony for that later.

“Shit,” Bucky sighed into the empty room, now far too quiet for his liking. He always did everything he could hold to keep his anger in check with you, and it had been easy for the most part. Loving you had always come easy to him, and so he rarely had anything to be upset about. But this? This was new for him…. everything the Winter Soldier did was a means to an end. He was a deceiver, it was programmed into him over the decades and he couldn’t bear to let you fall prey to his games too.

Sleep eluded you for a while as you tossed and turned. You weren’t used to sleeping without him by your side, especially when you knew he was just a step and a knock away. But eventually, through your exhaustion, sleep finally came and you dreamed about your star that very night.

You dreamed of his eyes. Those intense blues that had rattled you so unexpectedly just hours ago. You were sure Bucky was wrong. Those eyes didn’t hold malice when they looked at you. No, they held knowing, like he had finally figured out a piece of himself. As if he had finally seen an aspect of what he could- no, what he would be.

You also dreamed of his smile. As awkward and unpracticed as it was you still loved it. It was nowhere near as bright as Bucky’s, but it held reverence for you all the same.

You dreamed of the promises he made against your belly. While you couldn’t distinguish the words he had said, you knew exactly what they meant; protection, strength, and the promise to return….

When you finally awoke your heart rang with a pang of guilt. Your dream-state comfort had been that of an assassin, an engineered “weapon”- and your heart’s blood-stained other half…. You sighed as you rubbed the sleep from your face. Was it right to be finding comfort in his icy blues instead of Bucky’s warm ones? Your thoughts fought each other for barely a minute more before you were brought back to the “talk” you and Bucky had yesterday. ‘He wouldn’t even listen to me! And then he’s going to go and call me stupid?! AGH’ you huffed as you slammed your fists down on the bed, your hands bouncing in an unsatisfying manner.

Rolling out of bed, you got changed into Bucky’s old clothes, smoothing down the oversized items as you poked your head out of the room. All was quiet in the hallway and only a couple of distant voices could be heard from the kitchen and living area. Holding your belly you hobbled out, your leg searing with each step as you kept your head on a swivel for a certain super soldier. You weren’t quite ready to talk to him yet, all your frustrations still pumping through your blood in a slow but consistent course, However, your heart still found itself craving his familiar presence.

A fleeting disappointment hung over you when you realized he was nowhere to be found, instead discovering Natasha and Sam as they chatted over breakfast.

“It was.. weird, Nat. I know my interactions with him in the past have been limited, but I’ve never seen him like that before” Sam said and you knew they were talking about last night.

“Hey, you two…” You interrupted, causing them to pause as they watched you enter, but neither seemed uneasy as you butted in.

“Y/N…” Sam greeted with a small smile, pressing a few buttons on the coffee machine to get something started for you, “How’s it going? It looks like your leg is still bothering you…”

“Yeah... it’s burning more than last night, ” you rubbed your hand gently over your bandages in an attempt to soothe it, but it only stung more in retaliation. “Ah..” you hissed as you immediately retreated, “Yeah, it’s just a little sensitive….”

“We have some topical anesthetic and fresh bandages in the first aid kit if you want. I can grab them if Sam Is okay finishing off the rest of the pancakes?” the redhead proposed, holding the spatula out to him in an offering.

“Oh?? I, Sam Wilson, get to finish making Natasha’s famous pancakes? What an honor,” He laughed as he feigned his esteemed admiration, taking the spatula and flipping the few already sitting in the pan.

Nat grinned brightly as she made her way down the hall, whispering as she went past, “Truthfully? It’s a box mix. I just add vanilla and nutmeg and they never know the difference.”

You chuckled as you watched her go off to fetch the kit, truly thankful for the break in tension you were already feeling. You hadn’t gotten to know Natasha very well yet, on the off chance you visited the tower she was usually busy with missions, training, or paperwork, yet she welcomed you all the same. Part of you wondered if it was the former assassin in her that let her find friendship in you. After all, if you could love Bucky despite the Winter soldier, then surely you could be her friend despite her past, right?

You took a seat at the island's raised stools, watching Sam as he tried not to let the pancakes overcook. “So, Where is Bucky this morning?” You asked him, trying to be casual as you crossed your arms over the counter, thanking him as he placed a cup of decaf in front of you.

But Sam paused; you always knew where Bucky was, sometimes more than they did at this stage in your pregnancy. He even swore sometimes that you two were attached at the hip. The fact that you didn’t know means something must’ve happened last night after he got reset.

“He joined Steve on his morning run,” he answered as he leaned against the island opposite you, rolling his eyes as he continued, “It’s always ‘on your left…!’ when I run with him. I hope he gives Steve a run for his money this time…” he shook his head and smiled a bit as he watched you, trying to check in, but you just laughed, your face cracking into a small smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes.

“Speaking of your elusive super soldier…” Nat started as she returned, getting straight to the point as both her curiosity and old spy ways got the best of her, ”I heard the infamous Winter Soldier made an appearance last night...” She eyed you as well as she set the first aid kit down.

You tried to keep your smile, but as the conflicting thoughts and feelings of just last night resurfaced it was no time before it slipped away. You frowned at your mug, watching the dark swirls that lingered amongst the cream you added, “He did… he showed up at the house last night unexpectedly.”

Natasha’s frown matched yours as she spoke, “That bad, huh?”

“No, not at all. I mean, besides the almost getting shot part-“ you motioned as you began unwrapping your leg, your gash now open for the world to see. Though It was still a blazing red, it didn’t seem infected and for that you were thankful.

Her eyebrows shot up as she looked over your wound, it was a good-sized graze and a very near miss, “Y/N do we need to have a talk about toxic relationships?”

“What? No, Nat-” You waved her off, trying to get back on track as you began carefully cleaning it, “he’s not the one who shot me.”

You didn’t miss the way Nat’s eyes darted to Sam, surprise written on her face for just a moment before her collected expression came back. “He didn’t? That seems….”

“I told you…He was different last night, he was on the defensive this time.” Sam chimed in, tying back to their earlier conversation that you had interrupted.

You nodded in agreement and continued, “It was the security team that shot me, some new kid. I didn’t recognize his number or his face,” You explained. You couldn’t even be angry at that poor dumb soul either, he more than got what was coming to him. All you could hope for was that he learned something when he was dangling so uselessly in the air.

Sam thought for a moment, back to the bristling frustration he saw written all over Bucky as he left this morning, enough that he worried the Winter Soldier might have made a second appearance. His concerns dissipated when Steve managed to pat the man’s shoulder without receiving an immediate knife to the throat, but now it made him wonder, “Does Bucky know this?”

Your expression softened and you continued to frown as you took a small sip, “No… I tried to talk about it with him last night, but he didn’t want to hear anything after he learned who I met,” you huffed with annoyance, not even bothering to hide it from your two friends.

Sam nodded and held his hand up, “Well, I can’t say much since we only came in on the end, but maybe Bucky would listen to the body cam footage?”

You paused, blinking a few times as you processed what he said, “Body cam footage?” You questioned, setting the roll of bandages down, “What do you mean?”

“The security team is always required to wear body cameras when they go out. They should be reviewing it now,” Natasha explained.

You nearly jumped out of your chair, the pain in your leg the only thing holding you back. This could be it! If he wouldn’t believe your words, then maybe he’d believe his own eyes. Bucky deserved to know what kind of man his other side of him really was; he deserved to know that you loved him wholly, finding comfort in both sides of the coin.

You were determined not to give up on your star, because while Bucky had his friends to back him up, your Soldat had no one. No one, but you.

“Where can I get it?” You rushed to ask, looking back between the two, who in turn exchanged glances with one another.

Natasha took over pancake duty as Sam slid a plate in front of you and said, “It should be available sometime tomorrow, I can let them know you want a copy. Since you were the one caught in the crossfire they shouldn’t have a problem giving you access.”

You nodded quickly, excitement and relief easing into your shoulders as you took your plate, letting out a breath you didn’t you were holding.

This was it.

--------

Bucky’s feet hit the pavement in time with his steady heart, maneuvering past people like boxes in crowded alleyways. He was supposed to be on a run with Steve, but his mind had been wandering the whole time. ‘The Bucky I know? He would never speak to me like this,’ you had told him, so calm and so even that he honestly wished you had just screamed at him. His legs went into autopilot as your words rattled around his head. You were right, never in his waking minutes would it have ever crossed his mind to say those things to you. He was just so tired, so scared, and to top it all off it seemed like you had completely forgotten his warnings on the Soviet assassin. Or worse- that you purposefully went against them.

“Buck? Bucky!” Steve’s voice finally reached his ears as a hand grabbed his shoulder.

“What? What is it..?” The brunet shook himself from his thoughts as he slowed to a stop, looking back at his friend.

“Where are you going? The tower is this way,” Steve shot a thumb over his shoulder in the opposite direction, the tower in plain view above the surrounding shops.

Bucky stopped, blinking as he tried to process his surroundings. Where was he going? There was nothing in this direction except-

The apartment.

Bucky sighed as he quieted the subtle itch at the back of his mind, “Nothing, nothing. Just lost in my thoughts. I’m here now,” he assured, to which Steve nodded, but obviously did not believe. He was always too smart for his own good.

“Let’s head back to the tower, okay? It’ll be our final mile. We can even stop by the bakery on our way.”

Bucky willed himself to keep his thoughts in line as they ran their last mile, the tension in his body slowly unwinding only as they came to a stop and stepped into the sweet-smelling bakery. His senses were hit with a deluge of warm bread and spices that seemed to quiet his nerves for the time being.

“What can I get for you, sugar?” the older woman behind the counter asked. Her smile was tired as she nursed an old cup of coffee and Bucky assumed she had been there since its opening hours ago.

“Oh, um…” Bucky hummed as he looked through their displays, his heart really wasn’t in it like he wished it was. He was about to step back without getting anything when he spotted a fresh tray of cinnamon rolls coming out of the back. Cinnamon rolls had always been one of your favorite treats and he had rescued many a bad day with a surprise from the bakery. Maybe he could turn this bad day around too.

“Three cinnamon rolls, and three of the blueberry lemon rolls too. Uh, and a black coffee…. Please.” He asked, pulling his wallet out.

“Sounds like you’re having quite the party,” she commented with a little chuckle as she filled up a box with fragrant pastries.

“Ah, almost…I’m trying to make it up to someone,” He admitted sheepishly.

“Hm…” She hummed, looking right through him with practiced eyes, “You want me to throw some heart-shaped sprinkles in there or is that too much?”

A tiny smile lifted the corners of his mouth, “I think it’s gonna be just right.”

Bucky rehearsed the whole walk back, running his apology through his head dozens and dozens of times until it felt perfect. You still didn’t seem to grasp the level of danger you were in or how lucky you were to get out with just a scratch, but he knew you wouldn’t be able to listen if you were still angry with him. Maybe this would smooth things over enough for him to explain- for him to tell you all the things he did, all the things his hands will forever be stained with.

You knew the gist of it of course. Bucky had made it a point to let you know exactly what had happened to him over those years and exactly what his job as a living weapon was. The last thing he had wanted was for you to resent him for tricking you into loving him. But you deserved to know more, and these gooey pastries going to be his entry point.

Yes. He’d give you the treats, say his well-thought-out apology, and then he could finally explain. Hopefully, then you’d understand.

Well, that was the plan anyway.

As the doors opened up to their desired floor, Bucky could hear you before he even saw you. Your laugh rang like bells as you chatted away with Natasha and Sam, his heart bolstering with hope that your good mood would only make it better as he stepped forward.

“Hey, Do-“ he started before his eyes landed on your leg. It was propped up on the stool beside you as you were obviously in the middle of caring for it. He hadn’t had a chance to see it yet, part of him not wanting to know just how bad it was, but now there was no ignoring it. It was bright red, yelling its ferocity and pain as you tried to air it out. The wound itself was still trying to heal over, its soft vulnerable flesh showing barely any sign of scabbing. Blood stained your old bandage and it all made his stomach twist without mercy.

His mind couldn’t negotiate with him how bad it was anymore. Even though it was just a graze, he could see how painful and uncomfortable it was for you. He had failed you. What if it had just been an inch over? What if it had hit your bump? What if it had hit your heart?

He didn’t even realize he had crushed the flimsy cup in his hands until Steve stepped back, saying something about getting paper towels. Scorching coffee steamed up from his metal hand where it continued to drip into the puddle below it.

You looked over in surprise as you heard the splash, seeing your Bucky standing there with an intensity so adamant that you almost mistook him for someone else. But his eyes aren’t staring at you, per se, but your leg.

“Bucky, It’s okay, really-“ you tried, but he would not hear you; He wouldn’t hear anyone as he dropped his cup, the loud clattering in the quiet room almost more jarring than anything he could have said back. “Buck. Bucky, wait-!” but he was already walking away, forcing his gaze ahead as he passed by you like a ghost.

You tried to reach out, to grab his sleeve, but he slipped right through your fingers.

“Barnes, come on…” Natasha gently scolded, but he still refused to react.

You blinked back your shock, willing the threat of tears to subside when you heard the loud thud of his door closing behind him. You let out a shuddering breath, your hands rubbing down your face and you wondered just how long this was going to last.

After taking a few minutes to re-wrap your leg, hoping maybe he had cooled down once more you made your way down the hall. “Hm?” You mused wordlessly as you saw the small white box placed on the ground before your door. Being careful of your protruding bump, you squatted down- earning a small kick of protest- and lifted up the lid.

‘Cinnamon rolls… my favorite. And he even got us a special flavor…. ‘

With utmost care, you closed the box again and turned to face his door. “Bucky? My heart…?” You tried as you knocked on his door, putting your ear against it as you listened in.

Silence.

You tried again, louder this time, “Bucky, are you in there...?” But were again met with nothing. Was he really ignoring you now? “Please, can we just talk?”

Quiet.

Your skin couldn’t help but burn as you tried to hold in your frustration. ‘So now he doesn’t want to talk to me? What did I even do?!’ You thought as you dug your nails into your palms, using the sharp pain to ground you once more.

With a deep breath, you turned, picked up the white box, and left him to his begotten silence.

---------

Bucky’s ears were deaf to your calls as the shower rained over him, washing off the coffee and grime of the whole morning. His breath broke through the steam as he sighed, dipping his head under the rush of scorching water as if it would wash away his worries too; It almost worked until a searing headache made itself known.

The pain rippled in violent waves that came out of nowhere, consuming him suddenly and causing him to reach out blindly for the support of the slick wall. It was worse than getting kicked straight in the head, but he knew from experience that fighting it would only make it hurt more.

Squeezing his eyes shut against the pain, he made the perfect dark theater as flashes and snippets of memories played behind his eyes.

“Bucky…?” A vibrant grin spread across your lips, lighting up the room brighter than the phone on your bedside table. Someone was calling you, but he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away and the more he watched, the more your face changed.

Your eyes squinted as you looked deeper into him and for a moment he could swear you saw the heavy weight of loneliness that ached in his chest. He felt the coldness of his expression, emotionless and lifeless save for the way his brows knit together, eyes searching yours with confusion and… wanting? Your brows knit together, almost a reflection of himself he thought, as you seemed to consider who you looked at.

He could feel the smooth cold weight of the knife in his hand as he took a step closer, his head shaking slowly.

Then suddenly your gaze took on a horrified expression, your eyes darting to the phone to see who was calling.

“Soldat…” You whispered. You tried to steel yourself, but he heard the way your nervous voice shook- he saw the way your pulse thrummed rapidly in your neck. As the phone went dark he took another step- quiet, so as not to send you running.

Your phone buzzed again, lighting up the room once more as he stood above you now and you looked so scared, but his expression did not change. Did he feel anything as he saw your cowering form below him? Or was he just another husk of a weapon? Could he ever be anything more?

He glanced at the phone; his time with you had been interrupted again- your attention was drawn from him again. And he couldn’t have that. A low growl rumbled from his chest as you tried to reach for it, and immediately you recoiled again. He would take care of this. He would take care of you.

Wordlessly he declined the call and left you in darkness again. While his knife slipped away, his metal hand reached out. Something in him called desperately to feel your skin beneath cool unforgiving metal. He needed to see all the ways your soft scared body reacted under his touch.

He would take care of you.

“Please… Just don’t hurt her..” you begged.

Bucky sucked in desperate breaths as the memories of just yesterday finally faded. The headache lingered, but it was nothing compared to the incessant twisting of his heart in his chest.

What did he do to you…?

-----

You found solace in the quiet of your room after Bucky refused to answer the door, wrapping yourself in the comfort of your duvet rather than his arms. You sighed, looking about the empty room as you leaned your head against the armchair you sat in. “Hey there, baby…” you cooed quietly to your belly, your words immediately met with excited kicks. “Enjoying the rolls as much as I am?” you laughed a bit as you took another bite of your pastry.

You were lost in the one-sided conversation between you and your belly when a knock came at your door. You furrowed your brow as you sat up a bit wondering who it could be, only to sigh and lean back again, “Nat, I’m not sure I’m really in the mood for-”

“It’s Bucky…”

You paused, your mind at war with whether you ignored him like he ignored you… when you received a swift kick to the ribs, your baby firmly letting you know you were acting stupid. “Ah, ow- Okay, okay. You win… nice kick….” You mumbled to the inevitable bruise forming inside you.

“FRIDAY, Unlock the door to room 7, please?” you requested, to which she gladly complied.

As the door let out a soft click you watched your boyfriend’s head slowly peek inside, a faint smile growing on his features as his eyes finally settled on you. “Doll…” he breathed as if the simple action blessed him with life.

You couldn’t help the smile that tugged at your features before you quickly pulled it all back in. You were still frustrated with him and you weren’t going to let him off so easily. You had to be strong and stick up for the Winter Soldier, after all, it was the least you could do.

“Do you like them…? I know they’re your favorite,” he smiled as he motioned to the box of pastries, taking a few steps closer until he stood an arm's reach away. You wanted nothing more than to feel the warmth of him against you and the tight safety of his arms, but that would have to wait.

“I do… Thank you,” you smiled faintly down at the box as you pulled the blanket tighter around you.

He nodded, the ends of his lips remaining curled in a small smile, “I’m… I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to say those things, or imply that I don’t think you’re the smartest one in the room because you are.” His eyes cast down in shame before moving back up to you. He looked worn, as if he had been beating himself up for hours and you wanted nothing more than to take it all away.

“I was tired, and in pain, and scared...” He tried to hide the slight tremble in his voice as he remembered the way his thoughts raced when he first learned you had met the Soldier. He frowned as he fought off the memory that had resurfaced just a short while ago as he continued, “I don’t mean to make excuses, and it won’t happen again, I just-,” he frowned, his jaw setting as he steeled himself and took a breath, “I can’t imagine the ways he must’ve hurt you, or the ways he intended to. It makes me sick to think that I wasn’t there to do anything, and even sicker to know I was the one doing them….”

But it was your turn to frown now, “Bucky, My heart. I keep trying to tell you he didn’t hurt me, He would never….” You assured, but this argument was beginning to look all too familiar.

“Doll, you can’t tell me that you really believe that…? You know the things he’s done, the indiscriminate blood on his hands-” he sighed as he also felt the argument beginning to go around in circles.

Just as you were about to open your mouth FRIDAY interrupted, “Guest Y/N, Sergeant Barnes, Miss Romanoff has requested your presence in the living area. She asks that you do not delay.”

You sighed as you looked at Bucky, who seemed to be just as confused as you were. Nevertheless, you peeled yourself from your blanket cocoon, steadying yourself on the chair’s arm briefly before heading toward the door. You could feel him following behind you, trying to stay a few steps back both in punishment to himself, and the urge to give you space.

You glanced back at him, offering your hand as you slowly made your way down the hall. Bucky took it immediately, holding your hand like it was a lifeline and you gently tugged him closer, urging him to fall in step beside you as you leaned on him for support; he has never been happier to be your crutch.

As the two of you walked into the living space you saw Natasha standing firm in front of the TV with the remote in her hands. Sam and Steve looked back from their place on the couch, waving a bit at each of you as you joined the group.

Before either of you could ask any questions Natasha got straight to the point, “Alright, I’m done feeling the tension between you two in the tower… you two have been arguing about something that- all in all, you two should just be happy went as good as it did..” she motioned for you two to take a seat before continuing, “But because you two are still at odds with each other I’ve asked to get the body cam footage expedited. We have the best of what they’ve gone through already and Barnes? I really think you should watch it…” she said with a pointed look and clear knowing.

He cast an uneasy glance at Sam and Steve, but when he received a simple nod in return he nodded too, tugging you gently onto the seat beside him. With a sigh, he nodded at Nat to start the video. He wasn’t sure he was ready to see it, but he was on a mission and he fucked up, he deserved to know just how spectacularly he did it.

You also motioned to Natasha, and she started the video. However, you could barely keep your eyes on the screen, instead, your eyes were glued to your beloved soldier’s face, waiting with bated breath for his reaction.

Bucky tensed as the video started with the security team breaking through your door, leaving it broken and barely on its hinges as they rushed their way through the house. He took in a sharp breath as the video continued and he saw himself standing over you, the bunching of the sweatshirt making it evident that your baby- his baby- was fully exposed. But it wasn’t until he turned that Bucky’s body started to unwind, his expression still a mask of confusion as he saw you grab the assassin’s hand, his grip giving a comforting squeeze.

“He…”

Bucky’s heart twinged with conflicted feelings as you called out to the team, begging them not to shoot, while still pleading with him to stand down. He could see the look in the Soldier’s eyes, but it wasn’t one he recognized… It was tangled; a war between gentleness, vulnerability, and the unrelenting fight he had had beaten into him years and years ago. The Soldier stood unyielding, shielding the most vulnerable parts of you with his body as he brandished the small knife.

“He was… protecting you…?” Bucky whispered as he looked away, turning his eyes to your teary ones. Despite trying to blink them away, a few still found their escape down your cheeks.

“It’s all he wanted…” You nodded, trying to fight back the renewing well in your eyes, but you knew how it all ended, and though you knew he was still alive you couldn’t help but feel the loss of him still. “ He just wanted a place to call home, a place to be safe…”

Bucky’s hand gripped yours, giving its own reassuring squeeze as he turned back to the screen. ‘My Sun…’ he called you, pure reverence and love in his voice that Bucky had never expected to hear from him. ‘My Star…’ you had called him back, desperate and pleading eyes as he turned back to you.

The security team shouted at him to comply again, and the body cam shifted, showing a young kid whose gun trembled as if he was in the middle of a terrible earthquake. The woman wearing the camera recognized his anxiety and tried to talk him down, but he couldn’t listen and his gun went off with a bang. Bucky could see the kid’s surprise as he accidentally pulled the trigger, and the fear as you clutched desperately to your wounded leg.

He winced as he saw the assassin’s cold expression return and again as a shot lodged square into his shoulder. He knew what was coming before he even lifted the kid in the air, your begging and crying out for his life ringing loudly in the background. No wonder you had been so adamant about defending him, he had done just the same for you.

When the kid was dropped, yet still breathing and the Soldier returned to you Nat finally cut off the video, sighing a bit at the overbearing air of the room.

Everything was quiet for a moment as Bucky took in the weight of the video until Sam and Steve broke the silence.

“We were able to convince him to come back to the tower to be reset after that…”

“He was the one who patched up Y/n’s leg, and vice versa…”

You nodded in agreement, wiping your dry cheeks as you felt tears beginning to return, “He knew he had to go… and he was happy to do so. I think…” You took a breath as Bucky reached over to wipe the falling tears, “I think he was just happy to know he finally had more, more than one purpose.”

Quietly Natasha waved everyone else from the room, giving you two much-needed space.

“That’s why I’m so sure, Bucky... He would never hurt us,” you rested your hand on your belly, “He took bullets for us, just like I know you would- and I have no doubt that he’d do it again. And god, Buck- he loves her so much,” you choked out a sob as you spoke, “He promised her the absolute world and he can’t wait to meet her…”

“Doll…”

“And I can’t wait either,” you said firmly despite your current teary disposition, “I’m glad I finally met him, Bucky. Because despite the separation you and the team refer to him with he is still a part of you.” You looked into the softening eyes of your beloved as you continued “And I know he’s not a part you’re proud of but that won’t make him disappear. I know the things he’s done, and I know that you blame yourself for them, but his actions are not yours….” You said.

“I can’t condone the things he’s done, but I know what he’s doing now, and I know that no matter what you think of him I love every part of you, James Barnes. Even the parts you don’t want me to see.”

Bucky’s eyes blinked as they looked down trying to contain the swell of emotions creeping dangerously close to the edge. Slowly he lifted your hand to his lips, kissing your palm like it was worship, “I love you so much, Y/n… I’m sorry I didn't listen before. And though it still makes me hesitate, I’m glad you finally know who he is. He- We are beyond lucky to have you, and even luckier that you somehow manage to love the both of us. I was worried you’d hate me for him...”

“Oh, my heart… I could never stop loving you in any way that would last.”

_____________

Bucky Taglist:

@writingmysanity @simpxinnie @mirtaqueen @blackhawkfanatic @mcira @aagn360 @nialiuwanderlust @waywardhunter95

thanks to everyone who wanted to be tagged this chapter! If you want to be added to the general Bucky taglist please just let me now!

#bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky fanfic #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #james bucky barnes x you #james bucky barnes x y/n #james bucky barnes #james bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier!bucky x reader #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier x you #winter soldier imagine

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onsunnyside · 1 year

Text

.♡ ⃗ 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐫 (𝟏/𝟓)

𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 | best friend!JJ Maybank x reader (College AU)

𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 | fluff, friends-to-lovers, college au, non-canon ages, ‘lessons in love & pleasure’ trope, kook!reader, size difference, shy!reader, inexperienced & virgin!reader, clumsy!reader, cute first kisses.

♫ ·ﾟ𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝗪/𝗖 | 3.97K

𝗔/𝗡 | and here we go !! this is my first obx series, so pls wish me luck, also note that this is a college au, meaning all characters are 21+. this will be angst-free, just a fluffy fic about two friends falling in love, starring a charming blond surfer. i'd love to hear your thoughts about this so far. as always, all mistakes are my own. ☼ 𝐃𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐊𝐨-𝐟𝐢 ☼

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝐅𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 & 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲: @𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲

˗ˏˋ 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭ˎˊ˗ ⋰˚ 𝐎𝐁𝐗 (& 𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐬) 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

The rays of the sun beam down, burning your heated face as you exit the building. Hurriedly stuffing your uniform in your bag, you rush down the stairs and toward the main campus. You weave between students, nearly tripping while anxiously checking the time on your phone.

A few minutes late wasn’t that bad. You didn’t expect your professor to take the entire period given that it was the last day before spring break. It would’ve been more bearable if you had any friends in that class, but none of them showed. Perhaps you should’ve done the same and got a headstart on break too, or at least a full eight hours of sleep for the first time in months.

Approaching the common area, the familiar sound of the fountain meets your ears amongst the chatter and laughter from your peers.

Your eyes fall on a familiar blond, a toothpick between his teeth as he mindlessly scrolls through his cell phone. He stands out amongst the sea of plaid skirts, ties and blazers, wearing a backwards cap, cargo shorts and a tank top, his toned arms as sunkissed as ever. You call his name and break into a skip.

“If it isn’t the smartest gal I know…” You melt in his hold, that signature coastal citrusy scent washing over you like waves on a shore. After one final squeeze, he pulls away, his blue eyes flickering down to your feet. “And she still doesn’t remember to tie her damn shoes.”

“I was already running late, I couldn’t stop!”

He rolls his eyes and drops to one knee, bringing your foot to the other, “yeah, and what would’ve happened if you tripped? Or got stuck in an escalator? Or tangled in some wild vines?” He asks, quickly tying both your laces.

“Too late for one of those…” You pull up the hem of your dress, exposing the mismatched bandaids on both your knees.

“Did you try to walk and chew gum at the same time?”

You huff, “actually, I got it while golfing. The tall grass is really misleading.”

Your mother had scolded you for the grass stains on your new shoes, yet another pair just victim to your clumsiness, much like everything else you own.

As expected, JJ’s mood sours at the mention of Figure 8. Years after that kegger incident, JJ was still very bitter towards anything Kook-related. He didn’t want to hear about Rafe and his crew and almost turned red at the mere mention of their names. He tolerated you, Sarah and Kie talking about Midsummers, and was absolutely zero help when you were discussing dresses and crowns.

“Who was there?”

“Just my dad, Sarah and Mr. Cameron.”

JJ hums, peering up at you through his lashes. “Anyone else?”

You cross your arms, “Rafe never comes if that’s what you’re asking. He’s too busy working for his dad, and is probably halfway across the world, sipping on Dom Pérignon by the beach.”

“Yeah, I guess it’s not like he asked you to join him… again.”

A loud sigh falls from your lips, “That was one time! And he didn’t even ask, Mr. Cameron wanted me to check on him and make sure he wasn’t blowing profits on new bikes or drugs.”

JJ drops it after that, he could say anything he wanted but that wouldn’t impact your relationship with the Camerons. Since your parents owned and operated the Island Club, and rich people liked other rich people.

Your entire childhood was spent on Figure 8 alongside Sarah and the rest of the Kooks. You were grateful to live so comfortably, never having to worry about bills or losing electricity for days on end, but you’ve always envied the Pogues. Their freedom and exciting adventures were so different from the lonely box you were born in.

With years of friendship between you and the rest of the Pogues, your mother still referred to them as ‘those kids from The Cut.’

Your father, on the other hand, had a soft spot for them—especially JJ because of their shared love for cars and motorbikes. There have been a few times that you’ve caught them messing around in the garage after JJ left for more snacks and drinks, practically abandoning you all by the pool for some grease and engines.

Although he liked the blond boy, you know your father would disapprove of the many nights he’s sneaked through your window for a little sleepover. You were used to it now, sharing a bed with your best friend was a regular occurrence. It was platonic, even when you’d wake up in each other’s arms, tucked close.

JJ’s morning voice never failed to make you all fuzzy inside.

“Hello? Are you gonna get on or does the princess need help?”

Ignoring his remark, you quickly straddle his bike and wince at the dull pain in your thigh, “I also got a nasty bruise that day—note to self, never try to retrieve golf balls from deceitful tall grass again.”

He chuckles and twists around, “poor baby, want me to kiss it better?”

As if the sun had solely focused on you, your whole body heats up, a warmth fluttering in your belly as your mind searches for a response.

“I-I, uhm…oh, I—”

JJ laughs loud with a dimpled grin, “Why don’t you think about it and tell me later? We’re already running late and you know how Pope is with that.”

The Wreck is busy this time of day, every seat filled with college students and Tourons as waiters zoom from table to table. The delicious smell of seafood clouds the air and loud conversations drown out the radio. Sunshine pours from the windows, bathing the nautical decorations in an orange glow. Fishnets, brass ship wheels, and various hand-painted signs hang on the walls, strung up alongside fairy lights and ceiling fans.

You and JJ beeline for your designated spot, the booth all the way in the corner of the restaurant. As suspected, everyone is already there apart from Kie, you side in next to Pope and exchange gleeful greetings.

“And she lives! After that tumble at the golf course, I’m surprised you don’t have a cast or something.” Sarah snorts, the memory of you literally disappearing in the grass replaying in her head. “How’d your mom take it?”

You pout, “She was more concerned with my dirty clothes than my injuries,” and your bruised ego, “can you believe it?”

You’re met with mumbles of ‘yes’ and ‘of course,’ everyone awfully aware of your mother’s obsession with the picture-perfect image. If she had it her way, she would dress you every day to show off that Kook status, she’d put you in pastel prints, ironed polos, and hand-shined shoes. A part of you knows that the only thing stopping her from dressing you like a doll was your clumsiness, a saving grace disguised as aches and bandaids.

Her overbearing nature was also to blame for your timid heart, sometimes you were too scared to do any wrong that you wouldn’t do anything at all. Looming fear kept you in that box of solitude, unfulfilled expectations and thrills made you shrink away. As a child, you never had the confidence to speak up and often went with whatever your mother said, but that was until you met the Pogues. They helped you get out of your shell and introduced you to new experiences, they were the most patient and caring people you’ve met, and you wouldn’t trade their friendship for the world.

Out of the corner of your eye, Sarah and John B exchange a few chaste kisses. You immediately turn away, jumping into a conversation about Kie’s whereabouts with Pope.

“Her dad needed a hand, hopefully, she’ll be back with our food soon.” He answers and slides a glass in front of you, “she got this for you.”

It was your favourite smoothie flavour. You don’t waste any time and take a long sip, the sweet berries melting on your tongue, a momentary distraction from feeling so different from your friends.

Under your mother’s watchful eye, you never dared to step out of line and that has led you to being terribly inexperienced in everything dating-related. While your friends were partying and earning their stripes, you were watching from the sidelines and fumbling every opportunity that came your way. You tried to forget all those people who have pursued you, their texts unanswered and calls ignored.

You shake away those thoughts, “Did any of you have class today?”

Sarah flips her blond hair over her shoulder, “All my uniforms were in the wash, so it really wasn’t my fault. If private universities didn’t have mandatory uniforms… I still probably wouldn’t have gone.”

You and Sarah went to the same campus, but your schedules were far different. You could barely remember your own, let alone keep track of hers too.

Your gaze slowly shifts from each of their faces, “even you, Pope?”

“In my defence, I’m way ahead in all my courses, I could afford to miss a day.”

“Hmm… And does your dad know?” You tut, tilting your head.

He stares back at you, “Does your dad know you let Sarah and John B spend their anniversary in the country club after hours?”

Across the table, Sarah’s jaw drops. “You said you wouldn’t tell anyone!”

“I didn’t! Only you and he know.” You point to her boyfriend who was blinking owlishly.

John B raises his hands, going rigid under his girlfriend’s glare. “I only told JJ.”

All eyes land on the blond, a paper crane napkin in his hands. “Hm? Oh yeah, I told Pope and Kie.”

“No secrets between Pogues.” They both high-five over your head.

You deflate, covering your face. “Don’t tell anyone else, okay? I don’t want to accidentally start some under-the-table business renting the club… My mom would kill me.”

JJ coos, rubbing up and down your back. “Hey, it’s no different than Sarah lending Ward’s yacht to Pope when he wanted to impress that Touron…” He shrieks when a hand slaps the back of his head, knocking his hat to the ground.

“Idiot! No one knew about that!”

“I think we can all agree that JJ is just terrible at keeping secrets. Can’t trust him with anything.”

You giggle and sip on your smoothie, half-listening to John B’s rant about some customers at the surf shop. JJ sticks a straw in your cup and drinks too, cheekily bumping your foreheads together, his pretty blue eyes locked onto yours.

You find it hard to turn away, your gaze drifting over his face. From his strong nose to his cheekbones carrying a slight sunburn to his defined jaw. He flashes a grin, those stupid dimples making you a little flustered.

JJ was a natural flirt, he could make anyone swoon, he showered his friends in platonic love and affection—hugs, cuddles, kisses, you name it and he’s done it to each of you. He’s dated around the island but those relationships never lasted long enough to get serious, and they’ve never been introduced to your group either.

You’ve always wondered what he was like as a boyfriend, if he was as sweet with his partners as he was with all of you, if that tenderness bled into all his actions. He wore his heart on his sleeve in the most admirable of ways, although he was hotheaded and troubled, you’ve always felt safe with him.

You pull away, squeezing your eyes shut, “agh! Brain freeze!”

He snorts, bringing you forward for a sloppy kiss on your forehead, his cold lips against your warm skin. “Maybe you shouldn’t drink so quickly, ya dummy.”

Kie finally joins the rest of you a while later, bringing trays of fresh food and more drinks before sitting beside John B. Her long brown hair is up in a bun, loose strands frame her face, “Just letting you all know, I expect a mighty fine tip today and everyone is helping me clean up after closing.”

“Might as well take my kidney while you’re at it.” JJ speaks through a mouthful of fries, “we’re supposed to relax today.”

“And I don’t feel like getting elbow-deep in dirty dishes if I’m not being paid for it,” John B adds.

“These free meals say different. C’mon, my dad promised he’d try not to disturb me this week if we get this place spotless for spring break.” She looks at you, brown eyes pleading, “I’ll get you a smoothie to go.”

“I mean… it’s a small price to pay for a week of freedom, right?”

“Not guaranteed freedom.”

JJ leans towards you, “don’t say yes.”

“There’s six of us, we could get it done in one hour or even less if we work fast!”

“I guess that’s true.” You agree, despite JJ’s protests.

“Sunshine, no—if you stay, I’m gonna have to stay too.”

Kie calls your name, reaching over to physically turn you towards her. “Don’t look at him. If you stay, he’ll stay, same goes for Sarah and John B, and well… Pope will stay regardless because he doesn’t have a choice.”

Pope pulls a face, “excuse me?”

Truthfully, you were going to stay anyway, but it does make you a little bashful knowing that JJ wouldn’t leave without you.

“Okay, I’ll stay.”

“Same here.” Sarah decides, earning a huff from her boyfriend, “And just for your attitudes, the guys have to clean the deep fryers.”

“Including Pope.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

After thoroughly cleaning The Wreck, the night concludes with a movie marathon at the Chateau. Pope keeps his streak of picking the best movies and chooses a trilogy you haven’t seen before. Bowls of snacks and beer cans litter the floor, and a half-finished pizza sits on the coffee table. Sarah and John B share one couch, and Kie and Pope are sprawled on the floor atop cushions and blankets, while you and JJ are tucked into the smallest couch, your legs over his lap.

As the opening credits roll on the screen, everyone takes the opportunity to do more catching up. Kie talks about cleaning up some beaches with other volunteers and her most recent trip off the island, a small project with a group of marine wildlife rescuers. She even shows a bunch of pictures of her with baby turtles.

John B and JJ talk about their co-owned surf shop, “We caved and hired extra help.”

“Finally!” Kie exclaims, “If you and JJ were running that shop alone any longer, it would go bankrupt, you’re both so fucking lazy.”

“Hey, I’m a great employee. I just got employee of the month actually.” JJ defends.

“You shouldn’t be proud of that if it’s only you two. You literally just vote for each other every month,” Sarah states knowingly.

You, Sarah and Pope don’t have much to say about your college careers, except for the lack of sleep and dependence on caffeine. It’s not very exciting, but Pope’s story about his professor who only attends class in socks makes you a little thankful for your overly strict school.

The marathon goes on, and the conversation dies down by the end of the second movie. Someone’s soft snoring flows over the steamy soundtrack and for the umpteenth time tonight, you look away as the two leads share a passionate kiss. At least it wasn’t another sex scene.

As your best friend, JJ could read you like a book. He knew you from the inside out, he could tell what you were thinking before you even said it, and he knew all of those humiliating secrets that kept you up at night. One of them being your lack of experience. When you confessed that, he told you it wasn’t something to be ashamed of, everyone moves at different paces and lives different lives—but kissing?

“You’ve never been kissed?”

You cover your face, embarrassment flooding in. “You don’t have to say it like that!”

“I’m not—I’m not teasing.” His smile says differently. He easily pulls your hands down, holding them in his lap, “it’s just not what I was expecting.”

He generally knew you weren’t the most experienced in intimacy and relationships, and that’s partly why he was so protective of you. Even at crowded parties and in his drunken state, he’d keep an eye on you, watching out for any creeps. Unbeknownst to you, it was an unspoken rule between the Pogues to treat you a little softer, a little sweeter because they all know how sensitive you were.

But he figured you’ve kissed someone before. Maybe some lucky kid from Figure 8 or a dude from your private school.

“I know, I know. You probably find it so funny.” You huff and roll your eyes, “laugh all you want, jerk.”

And to your chagrin, he does but quickly apologizes. “Sorry, sorry. Okay, maybe it’s a little funny. But not in a bad way! It’s actually cute.”

Cute?

“It’s adorable.” He cups your face, “itty bitty baby hasn’t had her first kiss… not even with that poster in your bedroom?”

Your chest warms as he pinches and pulls both of your cheeks, puckering your lips when you try to speak, “...posh-ers don’t ha’ tongues.”

“Oh, so you wanna French kiss for your first time? Didn’t think you were that type of girl, sunshine.”

You push him back and try to scoot away, making do with whatever sliver of space you can manage between the two of you, but he doesn’t let you get far. Keeping you in place with his hands on your hips.

“You’re telling me, aside from no one taking you on a date before, no one has asked to kiss you either?”

“JJ, you know my parents. My mom is so hard to please, I can’t imagine bringing someone home for her approval. And I had opportunities but… I kept getting too nervous.”

He’s quiet for a moment, his gaze tracing over your face. You hadn’t realized how close he was until now, you could count his every eyelash and his every freckle.

“I could help you out.”

A lump appears in your throat, it would silence your words if you could think of any but you can’t. Too caught up in his deep voice as it repeats in your head, again and again like a broken record.

“You trust me, right? You know me, I’m not—I’m not some guy you just met. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. If you wanted to, uh, kiss someone you just met, go ahead.” He reassures, “but I don’t think you want to do that.”

JJ was so awfully sentimental when it came to his friendships. His several shoe boxes of polaroids, tickets and trinkets under his bed said enough about his love for nostalgia. He was always one to take a chance, to live in a moment for as long as he could, and to find the positives in any situation, even the worst ones.

Years down the line, he never leaves the house without the silver zippo that you got him on a trip with your parents. It was easy to find something for each of your friends from your weeks-long stay in Europe: jewelry for Sarah and Kie, a first edition copy of a novel for Pope, and a vintage compass for John B, but you were stumped when it came to JJ.

You saved his gift for last, long after everyone else had fallen asleep, the mess of your celebratory return littering the backyard in empty beer bottles and confetti. He bugged you all night, eager for his special little something.

“Don’t open your eyes.”

“...Mhm, I’m having trouble keeping ‘em open.”

You placed the zippo in his hand and stepped back, “Okay, just feel it.”

He passed it between his hands, dragging his fingers over the cold metal until he popped it open, “a lighter?”

You nearly turned away when your nerves started bubbling and you’re thankful you didn’t, or else you would’ve missed his reaction. To this day, you’ve never seen him smile so wide or his eyes light up that bright at the sight of his initials and P4L ingrained in the silver.

He’s just JJ, one of your best friends in the entire world.

Deciding to take this opportunity before it slips away, you nod and his lips meet yours. He starts with little pecks, soft and sweet like cotton candy, and they slowly drag into short kisses. Putting a bit of intensity behind it, his tongue swipes along your bottom lip, but you don’t get the hint until he gently thumbs at your chin, just barely pulling your lips apart. He tastes like beer and a bit of weed, and his lips are softer than they look.

He’s slow and steady, letting you get used to the feel of him. You exhale in his mouth and shyly follow his lead, hoping he can’t hear your heart hammering in your chest. You don’t know if it’s the sweet rush of his lips against yours, or if this is how it feels to kiss someone for the first time, but you feel like you’ll float away.

Before you know it, he pulls away and presses his forehead against yours.

“You can breathe while we kiss.” He chuckles, nudging your nose with his, “don’t want you passing out on me, sunshine.”

You realize how lightheaded you feel and gasp for air, subconsciously licking your lips to taste him again. In a daze, you breathe in and out, briefly wondering if it felt like this to kiss just anyone.

One of his hands slips behind your neck and the other falls to your thigh, warm and gentle. “Do you want to stop?”

You glance at your friends, still passed out on the floor and other couches, the movie playing dully in the background. “No?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

“No.” You repeat, firmer this time. “I don’t want to stop. Pl-Please don’t stop.”

How could JJ deny you? Especially when you ask so dreamily with that glazed look in your eyes. He fights the urge to pull you into his lap and touch you all over and be the first person to make you into a pretty mess, to feel you in a way no one else has before. He connects your lips again, taking the lead and slipping his tongue into your mouth.

The unmistakable wet noises cause tingles to course all over your body, from your toes to the tips of your fingers clasped in your lap. They only get stronger when he tilts your head to kiss you deeper.

“You can touch me too,” he murmurs, bringing your hand to the back of his neck. Your digits automatically curl in his blond hair, drawing a low groan from his throat.

That’s when you go completely dumb and totally thoughtless. All concerns fly out of your mind and join the bluebirds above your head. They’re playing a little song to the beat of your heart, hitting every note and putting you at ease like a lovesick lullaby. You almost assume that’s why you feel lightheaded again.

JJ leans back, his voice raspy, “you keep forgetting to breathe, baby.”

“I’m sorry,” you exhale heavily, the butterflies in your tummy going wild as he caresses your face. “I’m not good at this yet.”

His rough fingers drag down your cheekbones and trace your jaw, the pad of his thumb gently presses on your bottom lip, almost slipping inside your mouth. His eyes seem darker, the clear blue shaded in something you can’t name.

His lips trail to your jaw, the movie long forgotten, “It’s okay, we have lots of time to practice. I’m gonna teach you everything I know, sunshine.”

𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: ahhh I've always wanted to write a sweet fic like this, i'm so excited to dive into a new fandom 🥰🥰 i'm still a lil nervous, but i'm hoping for the best !! feel free to stop by my inbox and let me know what you think of this so far, or request blurbs/drabbles for this au !!

𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞! this fic doesn't have an update schedule, but i'll add dates on the masterlist (linked here) if i have a date in mind. also, here's the 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐁𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝 for this fic !!

As always, I hope you all enjoyed this and I’d love to hear your thoughts/feedback !! <3 — ☼ 𝐃𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐊𝐨-𝐟𝐢 ☼

I don’t do taglists anymore. ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝐅𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 & 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲: @𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲

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stayconnecteed · 3 months

Text

❪⠀🪐.⠀ethereal roses⠀𓏔⠀hwang hyunjin⠀❫

☆ㅤhwang hyunjin x afab!reader ( valentine's collab oneshots )⠀★⠀3.1k words

synopsys: even before he knew your name, hyunjin already knew your dog's. it had been difficult not to, considering that you shouted it on a daily basis in the park where he walked kkami. but he wasn't complaining: thanks to jisung he had been able to meet you, and and after a slight confusion, being able to see you again, and then again, painting your future in a lovesick red, as pure as the one in the roses that had brought you two together.

note: this is the last part!! with this oneshot our valentine's collab comes to an end. it was a pleasure to work with you, mana! i had so much fun 🤍

Before even learning your name, Hyunjin already knew your dog's. It had been hard not to when you were shouting it on a daily basis in the park next to his building, and even more so because of the name you had decided to give the poor animal. To hear such a pretty girl exclaim "Soju!" while laughing as he walked Kkami was a sight to behold. The little King Shepherd puppy you owned had never approached Hyunjin's dog before, but loved to jump and run around next to you, wagging his tail at an astonishing speed and looking at you as if you were the one who hung the stars in the sky every night. Hyunjin ended up understanding Soju perfectly, as every time he looked at you the sparkle in his eyes was the same.

It had all started when you had moved into the building across the street. Hyunjin lived in a fifth-floor apartment, and the flat he saw from his living-room window had been empty for as long as he could remember, until suddenly it hadn't been. He had seen you one afternoon after work, when he had gone down to Kkami for his evening walk, talking to the truck driver who had just dropped off what looked like a rolled-up mattress on the ground with the help of his co-worker. All he had thought about at the time, apart from the fact that you were going to be a new neighbour, was how beautiful you were, the reflections the sun created in your hair if you turned slightly, and the colours he would have to blend to get all the shades that merged into your strands.

The first time he'd heard you shout your dog's name was two days later, in the same park he was heading for when you'd first arrived in the neighbourhood, when he had just gotten there. You had run past, with your eternal smile plastered on your lips, your flashy yoga tights clinging to your skin, and Soju chasing after you amidst joyful barking. It had been quite an image. The same image he had caught himself trying to sketch that very night, instead of writing in his journal, before turning out the light to go to sleep. It was at that moment that he knew that even though you had not yet been introduced, you were already a part of his life.

And from then on he couldn't stop seeing you everywhere. It was like he had unlocked a new character, like when you noticed the presence of someone you thought was a stranger to you, then suddenly they weren't, and your day-to-day life was totally parallel, your paths coinciding but never crossing. He would come out of his room in the morning ready to make a coffee, and he would see you cooking breakfast in your pyjamas, in your kitchen. When he looked out of the window, on his stumbling way to the bathroom for his morning shower, and you were in the street, Soju hopping around you again, happy to be out for a walk. As he went downstairs to the park for a short walk with Kkami before work, you were again in your front door, Soju watching from your window as you put on your helmet, and Hyunjin watching you ride off on your bicycle.

In the morning, in his office, he couldn't stop thinking about you, neglecting his work as a art director more often than recommended to shut himself away in his personal studio, analysing colours, mixing them in his palette, remembering... All to find the perfect tones for your features. But the frustration of not succeeding could get the better of him and soured his mood, making him highly irritable until the end of the day. Then he would say goodbye to his colleagues and employees with the smile of someone who knew he was going home, when in reality all he wanted was to see you again.

He had just enough time to get to his flat, get Kkami on his leash and go out into the street again, but with a changed mood, heading for the park. And after waiting a few minutes sitting on his favourite bench, he would always see you arrive at your building, pretending to read a book he couldn't even remember the synopsis of, with your hair blowing in the wind. And you'd hurry up the stairs, eager to greet Soju, a few minutes later you'd be back on the street, ready to play with him. Because in the afternoons you never walked Soju. Every second between the trees was spent playing with him, with branches or his little red ball, or even running between passers-by.

But even though it was a habit he had developed, to include your routines in his even if you had never spoken a word to each other, he didn't have the confidence to do anything else. His friends had encouraged him to introduce himself, to strike up a conversation with you, to ask you out on a date, but he couldn't. The awkwardness gripped him, his natural shyness forming a lump in his throat, freezing his muscles as soon as he saw you appear. So he would just admire you from a distance as you played with your dog, as you danced around your living room, as you went to work... While he did nothing about it.

At least until one of his best friends asked him to stop by a florist's to pick up a bouquet of flowers he had ordered for his girlfriend. And when he walked up to, entering that little shop squeezed between two buildings, the one he had spent so many afternoons walking past on his way home, and saw you through the glass, he had to pull back suddenly, hiding from you, his cheeks flushing. He didn't know if Jisung had done it on purpose or not, but he was going to kill him anyway. He considered for a moment not going in. Surely Jisung would have time to come by and pick them up before his date, and he could go back home, regretting that he hadn't seized the moment. But he cared too much about his friend's girlfriend to deny her some nice flowers on Valentine's Day, so he gathered up his courage and secured his hand on the doorknob, opening the door.

our face lit up even before you knew who had entered, welcoming the new customer with a warm smile, but your eyes had a most excited gleam in them as you made eye contact with him, recognising him. And Hyunjin knew. He knew and his heart filled with pride, allowing himself to dream that you could feel the same way he did. And you greeted him, a soft, melodic "hello", and he greeted you back, his words certainly shakier, his curved lips mirroring yours. And for a few moments you watched each other, his eyes roaming over your features for the first time so closely, taking in the details, memorising every mole and wrinkle, those cute ones that formed at the corners of your eyes when you smiled. And he felt your gaze on his face too, his cheeks turning crimson.

"Which flowers are you interested in?" you asked, your swift hands fiddling with a discarded piece of stem from the bouquet you had just prepared.

"I... huh," he closed his eyes in a quick blink, focusing on the reason he had come in the first place, placing his hands on the counter to gain strength, "I'm here to pick up an order. Under the name of Han Jisung.”

"Oh," he could see the moment when your face fell, turning hurriedly, rummaging through the loose papers in a notebook on the cabinet behind you. "Yes, I... Yes, a dozen red roses."

"I thought they were orchids," Hyunjin uttered, before he could contain himself, frowning. "I could have sworn... I know she likes orchids."

"Well, there's a bouquet of red roses ordered under that name," you said, your shoulders still tense, your back to him. He heard you sigh before you turned around again, offering him a smile that was nowhere near as bright as the one you'd flashed when he'd arrived. "I can make you an orchid one, if you wait a while."

"Really?"

"Yeah, sure," but there was a sad tinge in your voice.

You rolled up the sleeves of the thin jumper you were wearing and disappeared into the back room. Hyunjin had not had a chance to observe the place as much as he would have liked, his attention directed entirely towards you, but he had marvelled at the magical place he found himself in. From the outside, the establishment was clean glass and old wood, but inside it was a forest straight out of a fairy tale. There were fake trees, some branches even painted on the wall, and ivy falling from the ceiling, lit in a warm, cosy light. The tables were covered with little ready-made bouquets, vases of flowers of all sizes and colours everywhere, a chaotic myriad of scents that created a soft and enchanting perfume, in a setting that should have felt overwhelming but was actually pleasant.

He was flashing a lovesick smile when you returned, holding a pot in your hands, and followed you with his eyes until you reached the table in the centre of the room, full of ribbons and laces, bits of stems and loose leaves, wrapping paper and various filler plants for the bouquets. You kept your head down, working quickly, and Hyunjin watched in amazement, admiring the way you expertly pulled out the flowers and cut the roots, preparing the stem as you thought it would look best, adding a few fresh leaves to match the white of the flowers with a refreshing green colour. By the time you had finished, laying the bouquet with heart-breaking delicacy on the wooden surface of the table, you simply whispered to him how much he had to pay for the expenses.

Hyunjin left the flower shop with a sad look on his face, your masterpiece resting in his hand as he sent a message to Han, agreeing to drop by his office to leave the bouquet. He was sad to have to give it up, the only piece that tied him to you, and after handing the flowers to his friend, scolding him for not choosing his girl's favourites, he returned home looking pained, defeated by how badly the first 一and probably only一 time you had seen each other had gone. The walk with Kkami lasted less time than usual, releasing him from the leash and letting him run wherever he wanted while he kept his gaze fixed on the entrance to the park, anxiously waiting to see you enter.

But you didn't. And while it was getting dark and he was going back into his flat, ready to pour himself some alcohol and drown himself in the sorrow, or the apparent rejection you had destined him to, you had decided to spend the night in your best friend's place. Hyunjin couldn't see the lights in your apartment on, but he couldn't see Soju either, so he realised that you weren't there, that you didn't want to be there, and that maybe you were the one who had felt rejected. Even if he was head over heels for you, even if he couldn't think of anything else, even if now that he knew what you smelled like, what you looked like up close, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until he had you in his arms. He'd seen the way you'd looked at him, how you'd locked eyes, how everything had disappeared around you as soon as he'd entered the shop and you'd recognised him. That connection could not be faked.

So he locked himself in his studio. And instead of mixing the colours he knew would form every shade of your skin, every strand of your hair, the kaleidoscope of your eyes, he let his heart bleed onto the canvas, a chaos of beiges and reds intermingling in the image he had conjured in his mind: the dozen red roses he had seen on the counter when he arrived, the one Han had ordered for his girlfriend. He poured out all his frustration using the brush as a channel, the colours sliding down the canvas of the frame as tears fell down his cheeks, angry, desperate, desperate... And when he finished, the smell of the paint overshadowing the memory of the perfume he remembered in your shop, he tried to grasp every word exchanged, every absence of interaction that had led you to this situation. And he understood.

Because in his eagerness to help his best friend's forgetful heart, he had forgotten to consider yours, and how his words might have been interpreted. He had lost himself in the romanticism he so adored, and had let you think the bouquet was for a date of his. He knew how it had happened, what you had thought. He knew why your smile had faded, and why you had needed to fetch the flowers from the back room when you had more in the shop, why you had put so much effort into his orchids. He knew because he would have done the same 一the sudden sadness, the time alone to avoid crying in front of someone, to give the best of you even if it was hurting like the worst wound... And he smiled, when he realised, in the middle of the night, determination warming his chest like a blanket on the coldest day of winter, that he just needed to explain it to you to start from scratch.

So he waited. The night felt like an eternity, the hours didn't go by fast enough, going to work was a misery. He hadn't seen you yet, and he already missed your silly dances in the kitchen at seven in the morning, the variety of sundresses you wore with tights and a big coat, how adorable you looked on your bike. God, he missed your voice. Even Kkami noticed his nervousness, chasing him around the flat at noon, when he had come back with the excuse to have lunch just because he wanted to find out if you were at home. He'd relaxed slightly at the sight of Soju dozing in the living room, but assumed you'd be working, so the afternoon's work hours went by pretty quickly, the certainty that he'd see you again in the park turning him into a giggling and excited mess.

He was waiting for you, once again, sitting on his bench. He hadn't bothered to bring a book, he couldn't distract himself, he wasn't capable of it anyways. While Kkami wandered around the lawn and amused himself chasing pigeons, he kept his eyes fixed on the entrance to the compound, his heart skipping a beat every time a person entered. But none of them were you, and his mood dropped as the afternoon progressed. Had you been so hurt that the possibility of seeing him made you walk Soju in a completely different place? He had been a fool. Deep down he knew it wasn't his fault, that it was just a few poorly chosen words, but it wasn't your fault either, and you were the one who was suffering the most.

And he couldn't allow it. Not when your heartbreak was avoidable, when he reciprocated your feelings so fiercely. So he got up, a high-pitched whistle spilling from between his lips to call his pet, and when he was sure the dog was following him he made his way to your building. He hooked the leash back on Kkami's harness and looked for your front door, hurrying when he saw that one of your neighbours was leaving at that very moment and racing down the hallway. He knocked on the wrong flat a couple of times once he got to the right floor, until a kindly old lady informed him that the cheerful pretty girl in the fifth lived in apartment E, and after thanking her he stopped, taking a moment to breathe.

He felt that everything was going very fast, but he was not sure if time was running out or if the accelerated rhythm of his heart had something to do with it. He seemed to be trapped in a movie, and couldn't stop smiling, starring in his own k-drama. He walked towards your door, knees trembling, clenching his hand into a fist to release the tension before pressing the doorbell, his chest rising and falling in an accelerated pace. He waited a few moments, listening to his heartbeat in his ears, swallowing saliva in agitation. Until you opened the door, the blue sundress you must have worn to work still hugging your body, Soju's curious figure at the end of the corridor, your face taking on a gesture of confusion.

"Go out with me" he blurted, his eyes wide, surprised at the way he had uttered the words, his eyebrows curving with concern at your possible response.

"I... Huh, what?"

"You, go out with me" he repeated, more confidently, feeling the material of Kkami's leash in his hand like an anchor to reality, "one dinner, one date."

"But..." you protested, looking back at the bouquet of red roses you had in the doorway, the edges of the petals already somewhat ruined, a sorrowful reminder of what had happened, "your bouquet...".

"They weren't for me," he explained, an incredulous laugh breaking through his chest, his face glowing with happiness, "they weren't for me. I was picking them up for a friend".

"They weren't for you" you repeated, looking into his eyes, the world once again disappearing around you.

"They weren't for me" he murmured, nodding, your lips curving into a reflection of the smile Hyunjin had on his lips.

"One dinner, one date" you affirmed, your cheeks taking on a reddish hue, exhaling a pain that seemed to have settled in your chest and that you were finally letting go of.

And in a catharsis of relief, found feelings at the door of your flat, and the joy of a beautiful crush, Hyunjin said goodbye, promising to pick you up the next day around eight o'clock. You closed the door slowly, leaning your back against it and smiling like a teenager. Hyunjin returned to his flat with a heart filled with happiness, and as he looked at the painting of red roses, he no longer thought of what he had felt when he painted it, but of all that was to come.

taglist: ( @hanjsquokka ) · @jazziwritesthings · @rylea08 · @starlostastronaut · @manuosorioh · @kpopmenace143 · @skzms · @atinyniki · @bbybearcubbs · @caitlyn98s

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#﹙ ★ ﹚ mars — writes.#stray kids x reader #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fluff #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin fluff

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hookhausenschips · 22 days

Text

She said, "He's not coming back. Because he's sleeping with me!”

Masterlist

Summary: based on Dirty Diana

Join my taglist here!

A/N: I was tempted to add smut to this but I’m feeling lazy tonight, lmk if you’d want an updated version with it

Like and Reblog if you enjoyed!

————————————————————

Y/N’s POV

Monaco’s glitter never dulled, and neither did my appetite for its most enticing visitors. Among the Formula 1 elite, Sebastian Vettel had always stood out—not just for his skill on the track but for his notorious resistance to the charms that worked so effortlessly on others. He intrigued me, like a puzzle begging to be solved, and I couldn't resist a challenge.

During one of the Grand Prix after-parties, I wove through the crowd, my dress catching the lights, knowing full well he’d notice. Approaching him with a drink, I smiled, offering it as a token of congratulations.

“Sebastian, that was some impressive driving today,” I said, my voice laced with just a hint of promise. “Ever think of celebrating away from all this noise?”

He took the drink, his smile polite but guarded. “Thanks, but I’ve got plans,” he replied, a flicker of caution in his eyes.

I leaned in closer, lowering my voice. “Plans can change, Sebastian. Sometimes spontaneity can lead to the most memorable nights.”

"Thank you, but I prefer quieter celebrations. Perhaps another time," he replied, already looking past me.

"Oh, come on. A little celebration never hurt anyone," I teased, touching his arm lightly. He glanced at the contact, his eyes flickering with a warning. But I saw the momentary lapse, the brief interest, and I knew—I had a way in.

As the season progressed, I found myself at various races, always making sure I was in Sebastian's line of sight. In Singapore, under the artificial stars of the Marina Bay Circuit, I escalated my efforts. Waiting in the shadows after his disappointing finish, I approached him with a sympathetic smile.

"Rough night, huh? Everyone needs to let off some steam," I said, my voice low and inviting. "Let me show you the real nightlife of Singapore."

He glanced at me, his tired eyes betraying a hint of vulnerability. “You don’t give up, do you?” he remarked, half-amused.

“And you seem worth not giving up on,” I replied smoothly, placing my hand reassuringly on his.

This time, he hesitated, the strain of the race evident in his eyes. "Maybe just a drink," he finally conceded, and I knew this was my moment.

We ended up at a secluded spot, away from the prying eyes of the racing world. As the night deepened, so did our conversation, and eventually, the undeniable attraction took over. It was everything I had planned, a night of whispered secrets and shared laughter, which ended with a promise of no strings attached.

The morning brought reality crashing back. As the sun rose over the skyline, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink, Sebastian's expression turned solemn. "This can't happen again," he stated firmly, his voice rough with regret. "I have someone waiting for me back home. This was a mistake."

I watched him dress, the lines of his body tense with conflict. "Everyone makes mistakes," I said softly, trying to lighten the mood. But his jaw was set, his decision clear as he walked out, leaving me to ponder my next move.

Driven by the thrill of the challenge, I refused to give up. My next opportunity came in Abu Dhabi, at the season's closing race. I knew this was my last chance to sway him this season. I pulled out all the stops, arranging an accidental meeting at the hotel lobby.

"Sebastian, fancy seeing you here," I said, feigning surprise. "One last celebration to end the season?"

He looked tired, worn out from the demands of his career and perhaps the weight of his guilt. "I shouldn't," he started, but I cut him off.

"Just one drink, for old times' sake?" I suggested, my voice a soothing balm to his hesitation.

This time, when he agreed, there was a resignation in his tone, a surrender to the inevitable. We found ourselves back in a secluded corner, the world fading away as we picked up where we had left off.

The night blurred into a tapestry of touch and whispers, a repeat of our last encounter but with an underlying urgency. As dawn approached, we faced each other with a mutual understanding; this was more than just a fling.

"I don't regret this," Sebastian confessed, his voice low, filled with a complex mixture of emotions. "But it changes nothing back home."

I nodded, my mind already racing with possibilities. "Who says it has to change anything?" I murmured, the idea taking root.

As he left, the final goodbye was different—less regretful, more inevitable. We were both caught in a web of our own making, the boundaries blurred. And as I watched him go, I knew this wasn't the end. The chase was as thrilling as the catch, and I was already planning the next Grand Prix, the next encounter, under the guise of night and the rush of adrenaline.

In this high-speed game of cat and mouse, I was always one step ahead, and Sebastian was an opponent worth every strategic move.

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totowlff · 7 months

Note

After seeing that video that you qrted of Lewis and Toto in the paddock I realized I can't focus on anything else when his ARMS are just there. so i was thinking if you could write smth where reader works for merc/a job that puts her close to toto everyday and they often have team meetings but reader can't focus on anything else other than his arms. HANDS. and maybe his big ass watch 🤭 thx nat 🥰

the mind is a very strong thing, huh?

filthy

Dropping the material on the table, you let out a long sigh. You had already lost count of how many times you had sat in that room in the last two years, especially to talk about problems. And they were not few.

Slowly, the seats around the table were occupied, the sound of metal scraping on the floor of the room along with the mumbled greetings without much enthusiasm. There was no reason to be excited, not when another year had been thrown in the trash. Looking at your phone, you no longer remembered the topic you were talking about with your friend, the message you had started typing completely losing its meaning.

Then, a voice made you look up, a shy smile on your lips.

— Good morning, everyone — your boss said, as he went to the chair he usually occupied, near the flat screen on which the silver star shone. His eyes took in the way he greeted one of the employees with a smile and a hand on the shoulder.

However, as he sat down, a hiss escaped his lips.

— Is there a problem, Mr. Wolff? — you asked, almost without realizing it.

— Oh, no, it's just the knee that's still bothering me a little.

— The surgery didn't work?

— Yes, it worked, you just need to move it a little to strengthen it and it's a little painful, actually — he replied, smiling — But I appreciate your concern, Y/N. It's very kind of you.

You felt your face heat up, as you returned the smile.

The meeting began shortly after that short exchange of words between you, but your mind was still at that moment, on the sweet words, on his smile. That was the power Toto Wolff had over you. And you couldn't help but feel that way, especially when he was around.

He had enchanted you since the first time those brown eyes had met yours. His smile lit up any room, almost like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. His playful, almost boyish personality made something warm inside your chest, making you feel something you hadn't felt in a long time.

It was completely wrong, you knew. But, you couldn't help it.

You desired your boss.

— This is our chance to consolidate Lewis and the team in second place in the constructors — Toto said, gesturing with his hands in order to emphasize his own words — We couldn't do much in Japan, but this is the time to fight.

You weren't absorbing anything from that meeting. With one hand on your chin, you only had eyes for him and the way he moved his hands, as well as his serious tone, which made his skin tingle in a delicious way. You would do anything to be touched by those fingers, to feel them slide across your skin, leaving a trail of flames and desire along the way.

— The circuit was resurfaced, we're still not sure about the wear and tear — someone said next to you, but you didn't make a point of looking in its direction. Not when your mind drew a racy, not to say indecent, image involving the man scribbling something on the notepad in front of him.

It could be anywhere, even there. Toto wouldn't need to say much to have you in his hands, literally. Sitting on the conference table, it wouldn't take long for him to realize what you needed. And he would give it willingly, his breath hot against your ear.

His hand would slide up your black dress until it found the spot between your legs, hot and pulsing for attention, for stimulation, for him. Brushing his fingers lightly against your clit, still covered by your panties, making you moan softly.

— So needy — Toto would murmur, before pulling away the fabric and slowly inserting two fingers into your pussy, moving them slowly, as if he was discovering what you liked.

Just by looking in his eyes, you would make it clear that that rhythm was not enough, nor that the position of the fingers was correct. You needed him to bend them slightly, to brush against the spot you couldn't reach when you were alone, but that you were sure he was capable of.

— Toto — his name would escape your lips like a plea.

— More? — he would ask quietly, with a provocative smile. By nodding positively, the smile would grow — Ask me, schatz. Ask me and I'll give it to you.

— Please — you would murmur — Faster.

— Good girl…

The pace would go from something slow and almost torturous to something relentless, the wet sound that escaped your pussy would fill the room, along with your moans. Using the base of his hand, he would massage your clitoris without much delicacy, trying to take you to the place you wanted so much and had already reached so many times with those brown eyes in mind.

— Fuck, yes, yes, yes, yes — you would whimper, your fingers squeezing his shoulders tightly, as if that were possible to keep you there, savoring that pleasure you had waited so long for.

— Yes, let me feel your pussy squeezing my fingers, schatz — Toto would growl, as his hand continued to move against you, causing your legs to shake and your eyes to roll back.

The explosion was so close, so close. There was little left, just a few seconds.

And then…

— Y/N, how are the updated parts for Austin? — Toto asked.

Blinking, you came back to reality, feeling your skin too hot and your cheeks red. You had definitely gone too far.

— Ah, yes, the parts — you stuttered, looking for that information in your notes, feeling like a complete idiot for having let yourself be carried away by your own imagination — Yeah, so, they were...

— You know what, we'll talk about this after the meeting in my office, okay?

Your heart skipped a beat.

— Perfect.

#wlffflashes #toto wolff #f1 fic #formula 1 fic #toto wolff x reader #formula 1 x reader #f1 x reader #toto wolff smut

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baileypie-writes · 5 months

Note

I'm sorry for all the asks for family requests but can you please do some of Velvet and Veneer protecting their preteen sister? Maybe from a bully?

A/N ~ Sure! And don’t worry, I don’t mind the requests:) Hope you enjoy!

And remember: if you’re being bullied, please tell someone. I promise you, somebody cares. In fact, I’m one of those somebodys.

~You’re Safe Now~

Velvet and Veneer + Preteen!Sister!Reader

Fandom: Trolls 3: Band Together

Relationship: Familial

Synopsis: You’re being bullied, but thankfully, this time your sibling save you.

Warnings: Reader getting bullied(verbal and mentions of it being physical), minor violence, swearing, Reader crying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You let out a sigh of relief when you finally heard the school bell ring. Grabbing your backpack, you rushed out of the classroom. Your eyes darted around the halls as you made your way towards the front doors of the school.

When you were outside, you booked it to the side of the building. After confirming that you were alone, you finally let yourself calm down.

You can’t remember the last time you were able to peacefully make it through a school day. Each time, this group of boys would come and harass you. The’d say every insult under the sun, making fun of you for the smallest things. Things that you couldn’t control, like your looks.

You thought that telling your teacher would make it stop. You were unfortunately very wrong. After they got punished, that’s when the beatings started. You no longer felt safe at school, and you’re worried that they’ll follow you home one day.

Thankfully though, your siblings, Velvet and Veneer, were picking you up today. You haven’t seen them in a while, so they were going to take you out to eat and have fun. You were so excited, that you’d forgotten about your bullies. But all the memories came back once you saw them turn the corner.

Oh shit.

“There you are. We’ve been looking all over for you!” The leader, Jackson, called to you. His four other friends trailed behind him. You swear you’d rather have the devil himself appear in front of you than having to deal with these son of a bitches.

“What do you want?” You asked, trying to hide the fear in your voice. You failed miserably.

“Watch your tone, bitch.” Jackson pushed you, making you fall onto your back. You hit your head on the hard concrete, and you felt tears start to well up in your eyes. But you sucked them back in.

“My siblings will be here any second, so you better leave!” You yelled back at them. You were hoping that that’d scare them off, but that thought was shattered when you heard the boys snicker.

“Please, if they’re anything like you, we can beat both their asses no problem.” He grabbed you by your shirt, lifting your upper body off the ground. “Speaking of which…”

Jackson raised his fist, and you braced yourself for impact. You were already thinking of excuses to tell your parents. Maybe you should tell them you fell again. Or maybe that you got hit with a ball at P.E.

A loud honk snapped you out of your thoughts. You opened your eyes that were previously squeezed shut. All the boys’s attention were focused on a car that had just turned the corner towards the school. It was Velvet and Veneer’s car. If you weren’t being held, you’d probably jump for joy. You never thought you’d be so happy to see them in your life.

The car screeched to a stop, and your siblings hopped out of it. You’d never seen them so mad.

“Whoa. You guys are, like, those famous pop stars right?” One of the boys asked.

They didn’t respond. Their focus was solely on Jackson.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing to our sister?” Velvet asked. More like demanded.

Jackson let go of your shirt, making you fall back onto the concrete, and hit your head again. You let out a yelp of pain. The moment it fell from your lips, Veneer rushed over to you, leaving the yelling to Velvet.

“Are you okay?” He asked, looking more concerned than you’ve ever seen before.

“Yeah.” You said, barely audible. You looked back over to Velvet. She had her phone out, and a flash came from it.

“I just took your picture. If you ever do anything to (name) again, I’m posting this on all my social media accounts. Your asses will be finished.” She had the boys backed up against the wall. All of them looked ready to piss themselves. The moment she stepped back, they bolted away so fast, you swore you saw a cloud of dust form behind them.

Velvet scoffed, and looked over to you. You could tell she was trying to hide her concern, but she wasn’t doing a very good job. Veneer helped you to your feet.

“What was that? Are they bullies?” He asked. You just nodded. “How long has this been going on?”

You didn’t respond. You were so overwhelmed, that you began to uncontrollably sob. Your siblings were surprised by your sudden burst of emotion, but after a moment, Veneer gave you a gentle hug. Velvet, not knowing how to comfort people, just placed a hand on your back. They both let you cry it out.

~~~~

After the whole event, Velvet and Veneer took you out to eat at your favorite restaurant.

You ate your food slowly, being tired from all the stress and crying. Across the table, Veneer was trying to gather enough courage to bring up the whole bullying thing. Velvet, tired of waiting, spoke up for him.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” She sounded really upset.

“I tried telling people already. That just made them start hurting me.” You said, avoiding eye contact.

Veneer decided to speak as well, now that the subject was brought up. “But we’re your family. We can help you!”

“Look, I’m sorry okay? I was just so scared at what they would do next!” You raised your voice, making them jump a little.

“How bad was it?” Veneer asked after a moment of silence. You looked so traumatized, he almost didn’t want to know.

“They… beat me up a lot. And they make fun of me. I don’t feel safe at school.” Veneer felt his heart break for you. That’s when the anger caught up to him.

He turned to Velvet. “I want you to post those pictures.” His tone genuinely scared you.

“Oh, I already did.” She said, expression unchanging. Veneer gave her an almost menacing smile, and turned back to you. He placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Don’t worry sis, you’re safe now.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~baileypie-writes

#trolls 3 band together #trolls 3 #trolls 3 x reader #velvet x reader #veneer x reader #trolls 3 velvet #trolls 3 veneer #trolls veneer #trolls velvet #velvet x reader platonic #veneer x reader platonic

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girls4liyah · 11 months

Text

welcome to my world ︴ning yi zhuo

ning yi zhuo x female reader ⬳ pair.

ningning gets dared to visit a cemetery, but she doesn’t expect to find a scary, horny demon with a penchant for getting into trouble there. she doesn’t expect to fuck you, either. ⬳ sum.

noncon to dubcon, demon!reader, dom!reader, human!ningning, mentions of murder, intoxicated ningning (this is mentioned once and never brought up again), cheating, anal sex, tentacle sex, none of this is ethical behavior ⬳ content.

3k ⬳ wc.

“And one more thing,” Yeji starts, throwing you a strict look.

You groan, throwing your hands up in irritation, “I know, I know. Don’t get into trouble. You do not have to give the monologue again.”

“Do you know? Maybe I should give it again, y’know, for safe measure,” Yeji huffs, arms folded. Her yellow eyes are glowing in exasperation as the memory of the last time you went off-script unfolds behind them. “The last time we let you meander outside the underworld, you killed a human.”

“So? People die all the time.”

“You bit her. With your teeth. Injected venom into her bloodstream.”

“I’m still not seeing the issue.”

“We have unique teeth and venom from, say, earthly beings,” Yeji snaps, “People will get suspicious. You’re lucky we have connections or your ass would be hot. Literally.”

You throw her a wry smile. So maybe you got a little carried once or twice. Possibly five times. No big deal. At worst, all those humans would just start to believe in vampires. It’s not like they could prove random pretty girls were being targeted by horny demons.

Humans don’t know anything about demons at all. There’s so much more to you than evil red horns and sinister faces. You live in a society with other demons and you’re much more familiar to humans than they believe.

“Relax,” you chirp in a way that has Yeji running her hands through her hair, frustrated. When you say it like that, she can’t help but not relax. “I’ll be an angel.”

Yeji visibly recoils at that word. Not the word itself, maybe, just the fact that it leaves your mouth of all people. “Just get out of my sight. I can’t save you if Hyungwon finds out you killed another girl.”

You scoff, “What’s he gonna do? Kill me? I’m already dead, babe.”

“Don’t press your luck,” a masculine voice says in a clipped tone from behind you.

You turn, spotting Hyungwon, grim as always. You’d say it would kill this guy to smile, but he, too, is already very dead. “Hyungwon!” you sing, “The man of the hour and just the guy I wanted to see—”

“Save it,” Hyungwon spits, having none of your acts, “You have twenty-four hours. If you’re not back by then, I revoke your privileges for a year. If you kill another human, I revoke your privileges for a year. Am I clear?”

You bite your lip to fight an irritated scowl, not one to be bossed around, but you suck it up. “Crystal, sir.”

Ningning waves the flashlight around loosely. It’s pretty thick; heavy, makes her wrist hurt. But it was big and she was surrounded by nothing but pitch black darkness and dead people who were probably a mere heap of bones by now.

She hates her friends. All of them. She hates Karina for suggesting they play truth or dare. She hates Giselle for daring her to go to a creepy, dark cemetery after the sun has already set and she can’t even see the clouds. She hates Winter for not agreeing to come with her, letting her wander all alone.

You won’t be alone, she said. You’ll have a handy-dandy flashlight, she said.

On the bright side, despite the fact that Ningning can hardly see anything at all, the cemetery doesn’t look like something completely out of a horror movie. It’s not foggy out and the moon isn’t full. It’s not cold and the trees are thick with leaves that she’s sure are green. Instead, there are no stars and the moon is concealed by dark shrouds of mass.

Which might be a little worse.

Just an hour. She only has to withstand this torment for an hour and she can go back to Winter’s apartment—maybe without any severe trauma, she hopes. Checking her watch, the one her boyfriend got her last year for her birthday, she notes that she’s been here a grand total of five fucking minutes.

I’m not gonna make it, Ningning tells herself, losing all hope within the first few minutes. I’m not gonna make it, I’m not gonna make it, I’m not gonna make it—

She hears a rustle, immediately turning on the balls of her feet, and lets out a tiny, shocked squeak. She waves the flashlight around but sees nothing. Because why the fuck would anyone be in a cemetery at three in the fucking morning? Hell, she shouldn’t even be here her damn self.

It’s probably just some random critter, like a squirrel or whatever the hell else roams around at night. Maybe it’s a bird. Are they nocturnal? Ningning doesn’t really know. Bless her heart.

She doesn’t even know why she agreed to this. She could have easily said no, though of course they would have made her down an entire bottle of disgusting beer and she’s already had three—so it’s even worse that she’s intoxicated in the middle of nowhere by herself, but it’s not like anyone in their right mind would be here.

There’s another sound. Ningning turns again, shrilly shrieking out in terror, but when she tries to use the stupid flashlight it only flickers before rendering itself entirely useless. “Fuck,” she groans, throwing the flashlight.

“Ow, shit!”

Ningning startles when she hears a string of profanities, because she’s not the one to say them. She can’t see at all now, but just the knowledge of someone being there alone has her shuddering.

“Who’s there?” she asks, glancing around, trying to find the source of the noise, but she doesn’t really know where she is.

Suddenly, the flashlight flickers back on, but she’s not the one holding it. The light is shining at her. “You forgot to turn it on, dear. See, like this,” you demonstrate, “On, off. On, off. On—”

“I’m not stupid,” Ningning hisses, crossing her arms.

You snicker, coming into view, “Could’ve fooled me.”

Ningning stills when she sees you, actually sees you. She sees your completely black eyes, lacking any color at all. She sees your long braids. She sees your horns protruding out of your head. She sees the lines on your skin that look like vines almost, and it chills her to the bare bone.

She steps back, eyes widening, “What are you?”

“Nothing important,” you mumble, focusing on your prize. She’s got to be the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen — human or not. She has the prettiest round eyes, the sweetest quivering lips. You’ve been observing her in half amusement, half curiosity for the past ten minutes, and you have no clue why this random human girl is wandering around a cemetery in short, tight pajamas, but you won’t get caught complaining.

Your tongue passes your teeth, and Ningning sees your eyes shoot pink with hunger. It frightens her.

Ningning tries to run, but one of your braids fly out to grab her, pulling her back to you. She glances at you, cheeks wet with fresh tears and she frantically begs, “No, no, no. Please let me go.”

Had Hyungwon and Yeji not gotten on your last nerve earlier, you might’ve showed her some mercy — no you wouldn’t have, but having them to blame your urges on makes you feel better — but you’re just so angry, and she looks like the perfect way to blow off some steam.

Swiping a tear out of her eye with your thumb, scalding hot skin and sharp talons gently brushing against her cheek in a way that makes her tense, you coo adoringly, “What’s your name, pretty?”

“Ningning,” she sniffles softly.

Even her name is cute. You’re going to have a fun time with this one.

Setting her on the dirt, watching her trying to get away again, you chuckle at her naivety and restrain her with the rest of your brains without moving a finger. You lower yourself to her body, ignoring how she squirms and pleas for help. Your attention is drawn to how the tight tee hugs her breast and you poke a hole into the shirt with your claws, stretching it until her tits pop out.

“Stop!” Ningning cries. “I have a boyfriend!”

“That’s cute. Don’t worry, I’ll send you back to him in good shape,” you whisper carelessly. Then your head tilts in thought, wondering if you can keep that promise. “Probably.”

Your uncertainty doesn’t console Ningning in the slightest, but she has to admit, it’s a little hot that you’re a… whatever you are. She’s never seen anything like you. She’s scared to death, but also a little turned on.

Her tits are so soft, you realize while fondling them. When your fingers pinch her nipples, she accidentally moans, and she would cover her mouth if she wasn’t fully restrained by your braids. If she wasn’t powerless.

She wonders why your hands are so warm, it feels like you’re burning her skin whenever you touch her. You wonder why you didn’t spot a find like her on your past visits to earth, but it’s probably a good thing. You, though not on purpose, would have killed her. She’s too perfect to die.

Thinking about the girls you happened to have killed makes you remember why you’re so angry in the first place and you start to get irritated. It’s not your fault if you lose control sometimes when you’re fucking these girls. Fuck, not when they look so pretty, with their scared eyes and cute faces. Not when they taste so good and they’re so tight—now you can’t help but think of how Ningning tastes and how small her pussy must be.

Ningning moves to her hands and knees but not on her own accord, but because your braids move her. “What are you doing?” She asks innocently.

“Don’t worry, Ningning,” you say, grinning cheekily. “It’ll feel so good.”

Ningning gasps when you rip her tiny shorts off, then her panties, and you find it so cute that they’re so wet, sticking to her cunt. Before you ripped them to shreds, at least. Ningning, against her better judgment, gets excited at the thought of you fucking her, wiggling her ass a little.

You growl, a sound that makes Ningning giggle, although a little terrifying. She’s oblivious, though, when you grope her cunt and damp your palm with her wetness, just moaning at the feeling of being toyed with. She’s oblivious when you spread her juices all over her ass. She’s oblivious when you slide down your pants, freeing a tentacle from your underwear.

“I’m gonna fuck you now,” you warn while sinking to your knees, which is nice enough, although you’re feeling anything but.

Ningning’s visibly anticipating it, her pussy still leaking with all her wet fluids. So much for her having a boyfriend. To be fair, though, the poor guy wouldn’t believe you if you told him that his sweet girlfriend was slutting herself out to a demon — in a cemetery, no less. So, really, there’s no point in confessing to the act.

She’s disturbed when she feels it, the slick rod slithering around her rim, confused as it dips inside her ass and not her pussy. She gasps, but you don’t have the patience to stop, impaling her on your long tentacle, fitting as much as you can in one swift go. It’s too long for her pussy, especially as tiny and frankly tight as it is.

Conflicted, Ningning stills in shock. She doesn’t know whether or not she should ask you what the hell that is inside her, or tell you that you’re in the wrong hole. She writhes, seeming to forget that there’s nowhere to go, trapped by every inch of you as you force her into a cage of yourself.

“Where you going, pretty?” You ask, laughing at her desperation. You like that nickname on her. It’s fitting.

“Wrong hole,” she exhales with half a breath, like you knocked the wind out of her. “No, pull out! Wrong—”

“Right,” you hiss, already drawing yourself in and out of her, face twisting. “It’s the right hole, baby.”

Tears prick Ningning’s eyes as you fuck her unprepared ass, her hand slipping out of the dirt as she reaches behind herself to make you quit it, but her arm is grabbed again by one of your braids that obey your every command like little serving serpents.

“B-but,” she stammers, evidently worried. “I’ve never… I’ve never been fucked there before.”

Something about that just lights up the biggest spark in you. “Never?”

Ningning shakes her head, and you wish you could see her eyes, knowing that they’re so round with innocent twinkles.

“Fuck,” you hiss loudly, but it’s not really an issue. What, are you gonna wake up the dead? “Guess I’ll have to break you in, huh? Send you back home with a couple of pointers for your boyfriend.”

Ningning only blinks at the mention of her boyfriend that she’d seemingly been so loyal to only moments ago, and she seems to remember for the first time in a minute that she’s vowed to a commitment, but it’s forgotten in the same instant as she feels you press inside her fleshy ass and her head tips back, a sweet-sounding, light noise filling your ears.

Her ass is so pretty and tight, and it’s all that you can think about. It’s such a shame that her boyfriend’s never fucked her there, but not for you. Matter of fact, you love that you’re her first. You love that no one’s ever felt what you’re feeling right now, like it’s something especially reserved for you.

You don’t want to send her back to her boyfriend, really. You want to keep her with you like a pet, take her to the underworld and fuck her holes whenever you please. Yeji and Hyungwon would never approve, though — guardians of the underworld and all — and somehow that only upsets you even more, fucking her sloppy holes rougher.

She arches her back, and it’s the prettiest arch, too. The prettiest arch you’ve ever seen. You hiss, slapping your palm against her ass. Ningning cries out, and you’ve heard that blend of pleasure and pain before, recognize it as something all too familiar. It comes with the territory.

You ease up, letting your braids slacken, knowing she won’t try to get away from you anymore. Not with the sinful sounds that sound like music to your ears and how she lets you use her ass, lets you have your way with her entirely, like every rational thought has been fucked out of her fuzzy brain and the idea of preserving herself for survival doesn’t even occur to her anymore.

Instead she’s more focused on being such a slut, reaching behind herself again, not to stop you, but to spread her ass for you. The sight is something out of your dreams, you’ve never been more thankful for your excellent vision. That’s when you know she has you, and from her giggles, she knows it too.

“You’re such a nasty little thing,” you chide, smacking her ass again. She whimpers, her soaked pussy tightening around nothing. “Spreading yourself for a demon?”

Finally able to put a name to the monster she’s exposed to, corrupting her. You’re so deep inside her, as deep as you can go, because if you could go any deeper without hurting her too much, you would. She knows that you have more to offer — she accidentally felt your slippery, slick tentacle when she reached behind her back. It’s raw and slimy, gushing inside her ass. She loves it so much now, babbling about how full she feels.

“Yeji and Hyungwon don’t know what they’re talking about,” you rant mindlessly, not caring that you’re exposing your world. Ningning can tell that you’re upset from the tone you ramble in, she could tell from the pace you fuck her with. “I can protect you. Other demons would only destroy your precious soul in minutes, I would take care of you. I’d never let anything take you.”

Ningning’s not sure what you’re going on about, but she’s gone too dumb to care, just agreeing, “Uh huh, y-yeah. Please.”

“Shit,” you curse, because she’s so much, but not enough. You extend another four tentacles that Ningning didn’t even know you had, stuffing two up her soaked pussy and forcing one inside her mouth. The other one joins the one in her ass, because they’re not too thick for her to take, too thin.

Ningning’s noises are muffled against your tentacle, but if she could, she would go on and on about how full she is. She thought she was full before, but that was nothing compared to now, how over occupied she is. You’ve filled all her holes and she feels like she’s floating. It hurts, but it doesn’t. There’s something so mysterious about it. Something so enigmatic that she’ll never understand.

You desperately want to bite her, but for once in your life, you try to have some control. She can’t die. Not after you just went on your whole spill about how you would protect her, and you weren’t just saying words, you really, really do want to keep her safe. Even if it means from yourself. Yeji would be proud — if you left out all the other details of this tryst.

In fact, there’s only one real reason why she’s less strict than Hyungwon.

Ningning gets the most surreal feeling and it’s not just the knot in her gut, growing with every thrust. She’s getting off to being fucked not just by some stranger, but by something she thought she’d only see in her dreams. A demon with horns and slimy tentacles that stroke her in all of the right places. Her pussy is gushing around you, her tongue is warm and flat, and her ass is so tight and small.

No human has ever gotten her this aroused. She’s dripping onto you and it’s borderline embarrassing, because all she can think about is the fact that you’re a demon using her holes. Fuck, she doesn’t know why, but that thought alone is making quick work of her.

She shoves gently at the tentacle occupying her mouth, because she doesn’t want to hurt you, and asks sweetly with a hoarse throat, “W-what’s your name?”

“Y/N,” you whisper.

And she almost screams it. The last push hits, the waves come in, and everything breaks loose, and she cries your name in between a string of expletives as her pussy spasms around your tentacles in orgasm. It’s the most intense one she’s ever had, making her whole body quiver and the world around her reel as she starts to feel lightheaded.

You’re not finished, though. She notices that immediately. It drives her mad, the overstimulation. She’s so sensitive that she thinks she can’t handle it, whining, “Too much—”

“Take it,” you order sharply.

“I can’t.”

The tentacle is back in her mouth in a matter of seconds to shut her up, your braids back to restraining her as she attempts to sneak away, but you won’t let her go. Not before you’re finished with her, done using her. Ningning’s not used to this. Not used to the stretch, not used to pleasure to this extent, not used to the overstimulation. She just feels like a set of holes for you to fuck.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, pretty,” you convince her. “You can take it for me. It’s what you were meant to do.”

Ningning hums, bobbing her head around you as she sucks you off greedily. Gobbling is a better word. It keeps her attention while your thumb massages her ass, and she grinds her ass back against you, too. The most inconsistent girl in the world.

She’s like a rot, corrupting you from head to toe. It makes you burn, makes you wish you could fuck her forever, because you would. She’s perfect, and you don’t throw that word around loosely. She’s making you lose your grip in a different way than any other mortal has, in a way that’s probably dangerous, too, but you can’t be bothered to care.

Thoughts of keeping her consume you alive. That’s all it really takes for you to blow your load, a couple more slams before you halt entirely, moaning her name too loudly. “Shit, Ningning—”

She moans, too, you feel it around one of your tentacles. It fills her everywhere — sticky, gooey cum, seeping into her ass and her pussy and her mouth. Ningning tries to swallow all of your cum, but it’s too much, dripping down her chin messily. It’s why she doesn’t feel empty when you at last pull out of her holes, because this icky substance is keeping her nice and full.

“Oh my god,” Ningning whispers. She’s ironically never felt more alive. “That was so…” Perfect.

Her chest heaves, her entire body drenched in sweat and slime and goo. It’s nasty, she feels nasty, but she likes it, too. She doesn’t think of how she’ll get back to Winter’s apartment when she looks the way she looks and her clothes are nonexistent. Thanks to you.

Then it hits you, after climaxing. It wouldn’t matter, really, if Hyungwon banned you from visiting earth, if you snuck Ningning to the underworld.

Your world.

“C’mon, pretty,” you say with a coquettish grin, helping her stand. “I just had a bad idea.”

#ningning smut #ning yizhuo smut #aespa smut #aespa imagines

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blakeswritingimagines · 9 months

Text

I've loved you for a thousand years and I'll love you for a thousand more.

Summary: Telling your husband you remember your life together goes smoothly, until you feel the need to prove it to him....and he agrees.

Word Count: 3.1k

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon/Fire & Blood characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.

"I remember."

Daemon's eyes lit up at the words that had been spoken. You remembered him. You remembered. He didn't want to scare you so didn't react immediately, he waited to let it sink in really truly sink in...you remembered?. Daemon was so happy at what you had said. "My love…" Daemon said in a voice filled with joy and tears. "It's me… Daemon.. your Daemon.." He continued. "Do you remember me? Us? Our marriage?" Daemon asked, looking for any sort of confirmation of what you already told him. You slowly moved closer as you placed your hands on his chest smiling up at him with the same lovestruck look that you had been giving him since you married him, gently nodding your head and placing your hands on his chest "Yes I do. We've been married for years since children practically, and we've left King's landing more times than anyone can count, when we got married you gave me a dragon egg and taught me everything about them, you taught me how to fight and take down many a man much larger than myself….that I love you and often sneak away no matter how busy because we can't keep our hands off of each other."

Daemon's heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. Finally, your mind was returned to you. Daemon couldn't believe you had said all those things, he just hoped that you understood what they meant. You were starting to seem like your old self, and it was the light Daemon had been waiting on for ages. Daemon laughed and hugged you as if this was confirmation all his dreams had come true. "You have no idea how many prayers I've sent up for your return to me," Daemon said, his voice soft and filled with love. Daemon smiled at your words and as your hand placed themselves on his chest, daemon felt a warm sensation wash over him. It was real. All of his efforts had been seen through and you were back to normal. You were back to loving and touching Daemon as you once did. It was a feeling Daemon had missed so dearly. He laughed at the idea of your last claim, he wasn't used to you being this brazen. "Y/n.." Daemon started. "I never thought I would hear those words from you again. You are everything." Daemon said, his voice filled with joy.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders as a few tears fell from your eyes and down your cheeks at how much you had been missing without even knowing it, looking into his violet eyes as if he hung the moon and stars just for you "I'm sorry my love, but I'm back" Leaning in closer to him brushing your lips against his as you whispered to him "You are my sun, my moon, and the air I breathe. To me, nothing exists except you I love you my Daemon". Daemon felt like he was going to cry himself as you embraced him, your tears touching his cheeks while you showered him with your affection. He couldn't believe his ears. You remembered everything. "Darling…" Daemon felt like he would explode, his heart was beating a thousand times a second. "I've missed you so much." He said in a soft tone, as it filled him with happiness. And then you kissed him as if this was something you would do again and again for the past ten years. Daemon felt whole again.

Daemon kissed you back softly and gently. His heart had never been fuller than it was right now. He knew all of the struggle he put into getting you back and it was all worth it. You had your memories from your life together. Daemon held you close, he felt so content at this moment. Holding you once more as he kissed your neck softly. "Forever, my sweet love," Daemon said with a contented smile. "Forever." Tenderly kissing him happy with his words as if nothing had changed but saddened that he needed to feel that way as you had around, smiling at him as you pulled him closer and kissed him again slowly letting the passion build as your fingers ran through his platinum blonde locks before barely pulling away from the kiss as you looked up at him keeping your voice light and breathy as she spoke "Shall I make it up to my sweet husband for losing so much time with each other? show you truly just how much I remember?".

Daemon felt butterflies erupt in his stomach as your hand moved through his hair and your lips pressed back against his. It was even better than he had imagined it would be. When you pulled away Daemon was speechless for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. "Oh my Lady, you have shown me enough already, but I won't deny you the opportunity to show me more," Daemon said, his voice a seductive whisper. He wanted to take his wife back tonight, if he could. And if you allowed it. He most certainly would. As the two of you slowly get closer together, Daemon slowly lifted your chin up and brought your mouth nearer to his. He kissed you softly at first but then, in the heat of it all, your tongue met in what would be one of the most electrifying moments of your life. Daemon's lips pressed harder against yours as if trying to make up for the nearly two-and-a-half months of longing for your touch. Finally, his hands traveled down to your back, pressing you against his chest. A hand held your back, while the other cradled the back of your head, giving him better control of the kiss.

Daemon couldn't help but laugh as your tongues danced with one another. It was a feeling he had missed, being lost in one another. It took no time at all for Daemon to be under your spell once more, his body close and his voice low and seductive. He wanted nothing more than to take you right here. He felt as if time was a thing of the past as he pushed you against the wall, slowly beginning to take off the clothes of you. His hand grabbed your hip and pulled you closer to him. He wanted this to be the best night your memory would never forget. You gasped for breath in between the kisses as your body pressed against the wall of your shared bed chamber. You were breathing heavily and moaning softly as he caressed your soft skin. You were getting lost in his touch, your eyes closed. Your hands traced the muscles of his body as you held him tightly, wanting to feel his heat against you.

Daemon was in heaven, kissing you now felt more natural than ever. Your soft breaths against his lips was like music in his ears. He was slowly losing himself as well. Daemon felt your hands run over his body, your fingers dancing along his skin with ease as your kisses increased in intensity. The heat emanating from the touch alone was enough to send him over. He wanted more, he wanted all that he could get with you right now. Daemon's hands moved to your hips, his touch more demanding. You moaned quietly into his mouth, your lips parting in invitation as you leaned back against the wall. You let him take what he wanted, loving the feeling of his hands over your skin. Your hips pushed against his, wanting more. You slowly opened your eyes and glanced at him as he moved to hold your hips as if to show you who was in charge. Your hands moved from his back to move up his shirt, trying to open it so that you could finally touch each other's skin. Your fingers were shaking from the anticipation. A fire was growing inside you and you felt the need to be closer to him, deeper inside you.

Daemon was in control of you now, the power shift turning him on beyond imagination. You were his wife and he was going to act like it. Daemon's hands moved up your legs, towards the buttons on your clothing. He unbuttoned your shirt and ripped it off your body in one swift movement. Daemon's shirt soon followed as he ripped the top apart. He looked at you as if he had never seen you in all your beauty. His eye ran up and down your figure, the sight of you driving him to madness. You groaned with desire as he ripped your shirt off and left you in your black bra. You looked at him for a second, before smiling once more. "You are like a dragon in heat. My Daemon. The fire inside of me is burning." You took his arm and brought him closer to you. "We do not need to be apart any longer. Let us make love like we're newly wed again." You told him, as you kissed him passionately, with a lot of lust.

Daemon growled at your words before biting down on your lower lip. As they kissed, Daemon's hands traveled all over your body. They traced your curves and ran through your hair. Daemon leaned you against the wall as a light grin danced on his lips. His eyes were filled with passion and lust. Daemon didn't want to take things slow. He wanted to love you and for you to love him right now. As he kissed you with his tongue entering your mouth, Daemon let out a soft moan. Daemon felt his clothing unbuttoned and removed. You felt his tongue exploring your mouth and his hands exploring your body. You felt his hands moving to your back and taking off your bra, freeing the skin that was hidden under. You kissed back desperately and caressed his hair as he explored more of your body. Your fingers trailed across his chest and stomach as a teasing touch. "Make love to me here and now." You moaned as you grabbed him and pulled him closer, against the wall.

You were making Daemon crazy. He desperately wanted you and he would have you, here and now. Even if you couldn't remember all the details of the last two months, Daemon was ready to show you that he hadn't forgotten anything. Daemon's eyes were burning at this moment. He picked you up, his tongue still exploring your mouth. As he did this he began moving you to your bed. He laid you against it and moved closer to you. He gently started to run his hands over your body, your skin like butter to his touch. You gasped when he laid you on the bed and touched you. As his lips descended to your neck, you arched your back in pleasure. You moaned with his touch. Your hands moved to his hair once more, caressing it again. He was practically taking you to heaven with what he was doing to you and you were loving it. "My love," Daemon whispered, letting you melt into the bed. He began to kiss your neck, letting his tongue explore along your body. His lips danced across your skin, nibbling and licking lightly. He let his hand wander across your body again, exploring your form and touching you. As he did, he grew harder and harder, wanting to be inside you already. "Are you ready?" he asked, his voice laced with lustful need.

"Yes... Daemon..." You whispered as Daemon began to touch you, letting your body melt as a candle would. You moaned quietly, wanting your husband to make you his again. You wanted so badly to please him. He was the love of your life, and nothing mattered more to you than him. As Daemon’s hand continues to explore every curve of your body, you moaned softly in his ear, your body starting to react to him. You leaned in to kiss him passionately, your tongues dancing against each other as you both search for more of it. “I am ready,” you whispered. You looked at Daemon, your eyes filled with lust and desire. "Good," Daemon whispered, letting his hot breath caress your lips. He lifted himself up, his body strong and toned, his frame looking all the more impressive by the light of the candelabras that illuminated your room. He bent down as he took you into his arms, pressing the length of his body against yours as you shared a deep, passionate kiss. His tongue danced with yours, his hands cupping your face, caressing your neck and squeezing your thighs. He was ready to make you his, and he was going to take his fill after waiting so long and not touching you while you recovered.

You moaned as you felt Daemon’s body against your own. Your hands run along his strong arms and back, and your lips follow as well. You pulled Daemon closer to you, your body craving for his. With one quick movement, you pulled Daemon on top of you, your legs wrapping around him. “Take me,” You whispered in his ear as you looked into his eyes hungrily. Your hands grab Daemon’s waist, pulling him closer to you. "Oh, darling," Daemon whispered, his hands massaging your thighs, his hips moving against yours as he kept his thrusts slow not wanting to rush anything. Your voice was music to his ears, and your body was a delicious feast for his eyes to feast upon. He kissed you again, his tongue exploring your mouth, your taste filling him with desire. He could not wait any longer; he had to have her. Daemon moved away from you slightly, giving himself a moment to admire your body before he gently pushed your legs against your chest as his cock started going deeper.

You gasped as Daemon kissed you so passionately, and you felt his hips moving against yours. You moaned loudly, as the kiss turned even deeper and lust-filled. Your hands run through Daemon's hair, pulling him closer and closer to you. When Daemon spreads your legs open, you started to shiver a little as your body reacts to his, and the tension began to release more. Your hands slowly touch his hips and back, your fingers gripping against his skin leaving marks. "Oh... Yes...," you spoke as your head tilted back moaning. "Ah Y/n," Daemon moaned into your mouth, moving his mouth down your body, and trailing kisses down your neck. He let his fingers brush against your skin, his tongue running over your body, his lips moving down to your breasts. He teased your nipples with his tongue, his voice a deep grumble as he let you know how much he wanted you, how much you made him want you, and how much he missed you. “Oh,” You said, “Yes!” as the tension between you both grew. He was ready and you were ready, and nothing was going to stop either of you.

Your entire body is shaking as you felt Daemon's hands and mouth on you, and you gripped onto the bed sheets tightly. You were left breathless, you panted heavily and sweat is running down your body leaving your body with a glow as one pleasure sensation after another is taking over you. You continued to moan loudly as the tension between you is releasing, and you were finally in your moment of pleasure. "Daemon..." you gasped as Daemon slides deeper inside of you quickening his pace. "Oh, yes..." "Just like that" Daemon moaned into your ear, his voice deep, rough, and hoarse. He let his face sink into the crook of your neck panting against your skin, breathing deeply as he felt your body shake beneath him. His body fit yours perfectly, and once his cock slammed inside of your warm pussy, you seemed to be his entire world. His hips moved quickly back and forth as he drove deeply inside you, his breaths heavy and quick.

Moaning loudly as all the tension is finally released and your body became his all over again. Your hands grab the bed sheet tightly as you feel his hips moving slowly back and forth into you, your own body moving from one pleasure shock to another. Your breathing is becoming heavy and fast, and your whole body shakes as you were reaching your peak of pleasure. Daemon groaned heavily, his body moving faster and faster as his breathing came in heavy, ragged gasps. His thrusts got faster and harder as his body finally reached the release he'd been looking for having grown used to using you instead of his hand or any whores. You were shaking as if you were having a fever as the pleasure took over your body and mind. Your whole body is trembling, your heart beating faster and faster as your breath is becoming a whisper, and your cunt tightened around Daemon's cock as you finally reached your climax.

Daemon moaned loudly as his body let loose of its final tension, his whole body shaking with his release. His breathing was slow but heavy, and his mind focused on his wife's pleasure as his hand ran through your hair as he was still deep inside you. His chest was heaving quickly, and he was exhausted from your lovemaking, but he felt alive. "My love…" he whispered, "Oh… I've missed you…" You were almost speechless as the pleasure was slowly fading and you slowly but finally came back to reality. You looked up at Daemon and saw the way he was looking at you. Your body relaxed in his arms and you smiled as Daemon’s hand ran through your hair and pressed yourself closer to him. "Daemon..." you whispered softly as you looked at him, your breath still heavy and your body still shaking. "Oh... My Daemon..." you giggled softly and then kissed him on the lips tenderly.

Daemon kissed you back lovingly, his body still tingling from the lovemaking. He was still gasping for breath as he let out a sigh of pleasure, his fingers still running through your hair as he smiled. He felt as though he was in heaven, his wife's beautiful body still close to him, your warmth and beauty around him. Daemon caressed your cheek softly, his eyes moving over your face in admiration. You were his light: his fire, his passion, his love. Nothing else mattered in his eyes right now, nothing else had ever mattered to him besides you.

"I've loved you for what feels like a thousand years…And I'll love you for a thousand more my love."

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my-heart-beat-for-anime · 21 days

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HEIRESS OF FIRE AND BLOOD

Pt.1

I hope you like it

In 131 AC, a bloody war was fought between the divided Targaryen house, at the end of the war, the daughter of the previous queen Rheanyra took the throne, the girl tried to return the whole kingdom to peace and tranquility. Unfortunately, the peace that the new queen tried to establish did not last long, as the greedy eyes of a powerful man focused on this very planet. And Harkonnen always got what he wanted.

The kingdom was recovering from a bloody dragon war, and all eyes were on the new dragon queen, Learys Targaryen. The young, barely nine and ten -year-old girl has already proven herself as a strong leader of armies, but also as a protector of the innocent in the cities, which were attacked by the green armies. Although she was a beloved ruler and wanted queen, she did not smile unless she was in the presence of the rest of her family. She kept her brother and cousin close by her side, refusing to let them out of her sight. Many servants recall how the young Prince Aegon sought comfort in her arms when the night terrors seemed all too real, or when the queen was found braiding little Jeaheara's hair into an intricate hairdo which she then decorated with flowers, it was also a rare case, when even the little princess smiled. Although many advisors recommended that Jeaheara be taken away from Kingslanding, the queen retorted firmly that the house of the dragon would no longer be divided according to the past war and that she would not send a daughter to suffer for the sins of her father.,, Jeaheara is of my blood and will therefore remain by my side where she will be granted shelter and welcome.” announced the queen to settle the issue once and for all.

The peace that the kingdom needed was disturbed by the arrival of three harkonnen warships, which like shooting stars fell to the surface of the planet, which the ruthless na-baron was tasked to conquering and adding to his uncle's empire.

"My queen," the guard rushed into the gardens and called for the queen, who was trying to convince her little listeners that she had really flown to the sun on her dragon. "What's the rush?" asked the queen with tension in her voice.,, Three harkonnen warships are approaching, lord hand wishes to discuss strategy in the throne room.",,Take the children to one of their rooms and keep them inside." she ordered in a commanding tone as she made her way to the throne room with her guards.

Once seated on her throne, the Queen was presented with information that Harkonnens are about to land near Storms End, and that from the equipment they were carrying, it looked like they were ready for war.,, When will they land Grandsire” she asked her grandfather and the lord hand, Corlys Velaryon.,, Over the next three hours." the girl just nodded and then shouted at the guard.,, "Prepare my dragon." The guard just bowed down and rushed to fulfill his order.,, Your Grace you can't be serious, you can't..” began one of the lords but was immediately silenced.,,I am the queen, and as queen I will protect this kingdom with my life. My dragon is the fastest and strongest in the kingdom. We will end it with the Harkonnen as quickly as possible so that they do the least amount of damage and there is no one to change that because if they try to take this planet they will meet nothing but fire and blood.” the queen finished her battle speech.,, Now if excuse me my lords, I must go prepare for battle.” All the men in unison bowed to the departing woman and lowered their eyes to the floor in respect to her.

Learysa was fitting the last piece of her war riding armor when there was a knock on her chamber door. Thinking that it is her servant, the queen gives permission to come inside. What she didn't expect, however, was her brother with tears in his eyes. "What happened my sweet boy?" his sister asked him. Instead of words the young prince ran into her arms where he nestled like a little bird. "I don't want you to go, I don't want to lose you like the rest of our family ." Aegon cried. Learysa gently stroked his hair and whispered to him,, You will never lose me my little dragon, I will always come back to you, but right now I really need you to stay with Jeaheara and take care of her, would, you do this for me my brave knight.” The prince just snorts and nods. The siblings share a last moment before a servant comes in to say the dragon is ready.

Feyd-rautha had just been informed that contact would be made with the planet's surface in ten minutes. He couldn't wait for his new blade to taste new blood. He looked forward to the conquest, war and bloodshed as he planned. There was no way the little princess who called herself queen would manage to get an army together. This planet was theirs. Just as his planning was peaking the ship landed and the na-baron rushed forward to start the whole thing. However, he did not expect that when the door of the ship opened, that the only one figure would be waiting for him. He didn't even count on the fact that he wouldn't be fighting against a princess or a queen, but against a fucking dragon.

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hirokari · 9 months

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aestival, c.xs

pairing :: cheng xiaoshi x gender neutral!reader

word count :: 18.7k

genre :: high school!au, senior!au, popular boy!xiaoshi, lovesick!xiaoshi, mutual pining from the start (like he's absolutely smitten for you i swear)

warnings :: explicit language, mentions of wounds, mentions of medical supplies (band aid, antibiotic), eating food truck food

author's note :: i got this fic idea in class and just . threw up words HAHA anyways i love cheng xiaoshi our bbg pls enjoy pure mutual pining!!

masterlist. navigation.

i. meet.

Cheng Xiaoshi's backpack is severely under-packed for senior year. It even seems deflated to Lu Guang as they walk into the school campus.

"I'm surprised you weren't held back a year." Says the younger boy, though his tone does not hold any hint of jest. Nevertheless, Xiaoshi laughs at the comment.

There's a small jump in each of his steps. Breathing in, Xiaoshi looks around and takes note of how… different it seems this year.

The grass is greener, the sky is clearer, the students are chattier. As the sun shines its warm rays against the skin of his arms and cheeks, he beams.

"Y'know, I have a hunch."

"Shoot me." Replies Lu Guang, his face already resembling one of amusement. Whatever Xiaoshi has to say always humors him. "I've got a feeling senior year has something in store for me." Hums the boy, shaking a hand through his raven locks. His friend, in return, deadpans.

"What makes you think that?" Of course: the standard logical Lu Guang response.

Xiaoshi smiles, "I've got a funny feeling in my bones."

"A funny feeling?" Lu Guang repeats in a laugh. "You're basing a statement for the year off of your funny bones?"

Xiaoshi's mouth hangs open as he's about to retort back with something that would not help his case at all— but a grunt escapes his lips instead as something comes crashing against his abdomen.

"Shit- sorry!"

In front of him is a scrambling student, apologizing profusely. He freezes.

As you gather yourself and apologize to the boy, he leans down and grasps the spine of your chem textbook, lifting and handling it towards your direction.

"Oh, thank you. Sorry, again," You sigh, taking the thick textbook from him. The tip of your finger grazes his and Xiaoshi's sense of time stops. He takes a good look at you within a split second– the warm sun and cold morning air hitting your cheeks makes you look absolutely ethereal.

Cheng Xiaoshi had gone to this school for the past 6 years of his life– but not once had he met anyone that looked as pretty as you do right in this moment. You send him a small, tight-lipped smile that seems grateful and still a little apologetic. Your chin scrunches and your cheeks puff out when you do, and he likes the sight of it.

The whole ordeal happened quick. Too quick. You stand up and pat off the material of your uniform, adjusting your hold on your textbook. Xiaoshi stares. After noticing you shift and tilt your head at the gawking boy, Lu Guang nudges and pushes against his friend’s elbow, sending you a quick ‘goodbye’ and dragging Xiaoshi away.

Xiaoshi doesn’t want to leave. In fact, he refuses to. But what’s the use, you had already left, the only remnants of you being your warm floral scent in the summer morning breeze. He breathes deeply, feet planted firm on the ground and feeling a little strange when his nose tingles at your smell.

“That was the most beautiful, pretty, breathtaking person I’ve ever spoken to.” He sighs. “You’re acting like you’ve never spoken to a human before in your life, Xiaoshi,” Comments Lu Guang as he starts treading away.

“I haven’t spoken to a human that looks as if the sun and the moon shared a hug and a million stars danced with each other and everything in the milky way was perfect and not one person on earth had lactose intolerance!”

“What the hell are you even saying? Are you okay?” Lu Guang is starting to grow genuinely worried. The last time he’d seen Xiaoshi act like this was when he had a full-on obsession over Angelina Jolie for a solid 3 hours.

Xiaoshi feverishly shakes his head, cheeks flamed.“No! Do you know who that was?”

“No.”

“That makes things worse,” Groans Xiaoshi into the palm of his hands. He can feel how hot his skin had turned just remembering how pretty you looked.

“What if I never see them ever again? Do you know how bad I potentially just fumbled the bag here?”

“You’re saying that as if they’d like you back.” Lu Guang can’t help but let his eyes roll. Xiaoshi cries something along the lines of ‘harsh, much?’ and proceeds to whine about having just let you walk away as he stumbles his way to class, Lu Guang directioning him the whole way for the most part.

Cheng Xiaoshi, though he doesn’t seem it, is a hopeless romantic. As his feet drag against the tiled floor almost automatically, Xiaoshi wonders if whoever you were could have been more to him. He’d let fate decide: An acquaintance, a friend, an enemy, a lover. Maybe all of those in that order. Maybe you could be, somewhere in the future.

But he doesn’t really like the idea of waiting for fate. Not when he’s so eager to run into you again– why hadn’t he met you earlier? In sophomore or junior year? Had the universe intended to keep you cooped up away from him until you swept and escaped from its grasp to get back to him?

He knows he’s getting ahead of himself. Nonetheless, he hopes you bump into him again, maybe holding an extra book or two so he could retrieve them for you. Or maybe, if the universe was kind enough to him for a second time (the first was meeting you.), he’d bump into you.

The soccer field is on a large strangely elevated patch of grass. Xiaoshi doesn’t like the extra flight of stairs he has to travel up on in order to enter it. It was originally a large hill, he heard from Lu Guang, but the school thought it’d be of better use if it were a soccer field.

The summer sun is blaring too hot, the boy thinks, as he wipes his sweat off of his brow.

“I’m open!” Yells Xiaoshi, waving his arms.

Far too much movement out in the open sun.

The senior feels sticky and his feet feel like jelly. He doesn’t know how long he’d been playing at this point. Frankly, Xiaoshi doesn’t know why he’d called out for the ball. Instinctual, he supposes.

The ball comes flying at him, and being the basketball-loving goof he is, reaches out to grab it with his hands. Within the last split second, and Lu Guang shouting at him to take it to the chest instead, he forces his arms down, taking the impact to his face instead.

Xiaoshi is wordless as he grasps at his face, feeling extremely dazed.

“Shoot, sorry! Are you good, man?” Shouts a fellow player, though it sounds warped in his ears.

As he waves the concerned murmurs off, he lets his feet lead him to the bleachers, calling for a quick break. It is too damn hot out today, he thinks, heaving at the thick warm afternoon air. Xiaoshi still holds his palm to his face, shielding his eyes from the bright sun that seemed to burn.

Reaching out, Xiaoshi expects to feel the cold metal of the railings that stand in front of the bleachers, but is met with nothing but the air his fingers cut through as he sweeps his hand around. “Wh-?”

Uncovering his eyes, his feet travel forward before he could process where he’d been walking into.

The yelp Xiaoshi lets out embarrasses him and he blushes a little, though none of that really mattered anymore when he realizes he’s tumbling down the other side of the hill, stray twigs and leaves pricking him as he rolls down the grass. He doesn’t let out one noise, the whole situation happening too quick for him to react properly to.

Before he realized it, he’d stopped rolling. Probably for a good few seconds already, but his head needed time to stop swaying.

“Ugh,” Groans Xiaoshi, gripping his hair as his vision seems to keep spinning.

It takes him a solid moment to fully absorb what had happened and where he is. He first looks at the grass around him. Unlike the field he’d just been playing in, these were shaded by tall canopies of trees– the ones on the opposite side of the field, facing the bleachers from at least 100 meters away.

The second thing he notices are the pair of crossed legs in front of his, tensed and pressed up against a chest. Xiaoshi makes an effort to tilt his head up— as much as it made him nauseous— and face the owner of said pair of legs.

There you sit, your book discarded and arms length to the side, eyes blown wide as you scrutinize the boy. “Are you- are you okay?”

Xiaoshi’s mouth hangs open dangerously wide as he meets eyes with you. His skin burns– and he can’t tell if its from

spending so much time in the sun and overheating, or because you just witnessed what might be the most embarrassing moment of his life.

“I’m… fine.” Is all he’s able to say. A little bit of everywhere stings. His elbows, his knees, his head especially. But it’s alright because Xiaoshi thinks you look absolutely ethereal with bits and patches of sunlight peeking through the leaves of the trees standing above you two, as if shielding you both from the reality of the world. The sunrays frame your face in a kind and soft way, lighting up your nose and cheeks when you lean over to check up on him.

Xiaoshi admires you (almost shamelessly) but you can’t care to notice because you’re busy fussing about him.

“You’re- bleeding! You need help!”

“It’s fine,” Scoffs Xiaoshi. “It’s barely anything.”

But as you carefully fish a handkerchief out of your pocket (of course you’d have one, thinks Xiaoshi, it’s also bear-patterned!) and slowly press it against his shin, the boy winces, flinching his leg away with a whine as his hand instinctively flies up to grip at your wrist.

“I’m sorry,” You apologize. “Could you hold that for me there? I promise it’ll just be a moment.” Your fingers grace over his knuckles as you instruct him, and Xiaoshi doesn’t even think once about protesting, immediately following and holding the cloth in place.

He can feel the pads of your fingers linger for a little longer, and although he’s already overheated from the hot summer sun, your fingers radiate a different kind of warmth– a friendly, homely warmth that reminds him of all his favorite things. A kind of warmth that feels like a ladybug crawling across his arm, but he lets it be for the good luck.

“I’ve got an antibiotic in here somewhere,” Rummaging through your bag, you briefly look up to send the boy an assuring and calm smile. His chest thumps violently. Your sheer persistence to help out someone you’d only talked to once— though Xiaoshi doubts you even remember that encounter— moves him.

As you search, the raven-haired boy lets his free hand travel down the grass he sits on, relishing in the chill contrast of it compared to the blazing hot field. He picks at a weed, then a daisy that grows right by his thigh, and threads them together, creating a braid long enough to circle around his pinky finger. He binds them together with a knot and slips it onto his pinky finger, a small, boyish ingenuous grin spreading across his lips.

“Here,” Tenderly lifting his fingers, Xiaoshi lets you pry his hand off his leg, watching as you dab a small amount of antibiotic cream on the cloth.

“Could you press this in place again? I have to find you a bandaid,”

“Yeah, of course,”

Dazed, Xiaoshi doesn’t react at the first contact the rag makes with his wound. And a moment later, after having enough of his fill of watching you, he returns to wincing, wearing a sour grimace on his face as he refuses to take the cloth off just because you ordered him not to.

“Here.” Taking Xiaoshi’s free hand, you place the bandaid into his palm and take hold of your handkerchief again. With an open palm, the boy looks at it, the corner of his lip twitching upwards at its animal pattern.

“Thank you,” Says Xiaoshi in a small voice. You nod, “It’s alright, I’m just glad you’re fine. Although,” Pausing, you lean forward, face nearing his as you press the back of your hand against his cheek. He inhales sharply, eyes widening at the feeling of your soft fingers against the skin of his face.

“You’re burning up.” You conclude. “You did put on sunscreen before playing, right?”

Xiaoshi’s silence answers your question, but the guilty glance towards the field tells you more than you need to know.

You shake your head, “Wear a hat next time; that’s the least thing you could do. Sunburns are no pretty thing.” You pause, tilting your head to the side with a teasing look in your eyes. “But red’s a good shade on you.”

It’s until now when Xiaoshi realizes how close you’d been, his breath hitting the peach fuzz on your face. “Shut up,” He groans, pushing at your shoulder. Letting out a quick chuckle, you let him push you back into your original position and watch as he applies the band aid across his wound.

“You’re… the guy I bumped into a few weeks ago, aren’t you?”

Oh. He hadn’t expected you to remember that, considering how fast the whole thing had happened.

“Yeah,” Replies Xiaoshi with a nod. “I forgot to ask… for your name,” He says, fidgeting and looking to the side, discovering a shy part of him he hadn’t known existed.

“It’s Y/N L/N.”

“Y/N L/N,” He repeats. It rolls off his tongue nicely, he thinks, and he wants to say it again. “I’m Xiaoshi. Cheng Xiaoshi.”

“Cheng Xiaoshi.” You say, repeating his name like he did yours. You say it again under your breath and at the sound of it, he thinks everything is right and beautiful in the world.

“We’ve got to go,” You mention, checking the time on your phone as you stuff your bag with your belongings you’d taken out. “We’ve got seven minutes ‘till class.”

Xiaoshi watches as you rush to your feet, patting against your legs and uniform. You offer to help him up, but he shakes his head politely, picking up the novel you’d been reading and wiping off the little dirt that had gotten on the cover with his slender fingers.

“Will I see you again?” Asks Xiaoshi, though he hadn’t thought before he let the question slip past his lips. You look back at him, offering a smile, “I’m not sure… but we’ll see, I guess. Bye, Cheng Xiaoshi.”

“Bye, Y/N L/N.”

His cheeks burn, this time not because of a near-sunburn he’d gotten playing soccer in nothing but his uniform.

ii. cheng xiaoshi!

You hadn’t realized you’d lost your book until after arriving home from school a few days ago. Now here you are, sitting next to your upperclassman and lab partner, Qiao Ling, legs leaning against the bleacher in front of you. Even under the shades of the thin metal ceiling the bleachers came with, you felt like you were being boiled alive.

The two of you watch a mix of seniors and juniors play a friendly match of soccer, and you can’t help but wonder where Xiaoshi had been since the last time you’d seen him.

After him stumbling into you— almost literally— you hadn’t seen him all week. Not like he’d been looking for you either.

Fun fact: he actually was.

Xiaoshi sits in the spot he’d last met you in, fingers grazing across the title etched onto the hardcover of your novel that you’d forgotten with him. Wearing a small pout, the boy heaves a childish sigh, letting his back fall onto the fresh grass under him, admiring the canopies towering over him.

It’s definitely a peaceful and sound place, but there was a sense of beauty knowing it was exclusively yours. He can see remnants of you everywhere: a dented patch of grass that he imagines happened because you’d sat there every time, several traces of plucked weeds and flowers, your initials you’d scratched onto a tree because you’d been bored one day.

Xiaoshi’s fingers travel up to the rough, textured bark that spelled out your initials, inhaling its earthy scent of oak. He imagines you, with a pen or a pocket knife, etching the letters onto the dark and dull bark with the same concentrated look you’d worn a few days ago.

His phone suddenly vibrates in the pocket of his uniform. Still staring at the engraved letters, Xiaoshi takes his device out and unlocks it, finally turning to his screen.

Lu Guang

| Where are you?

| Sociology starts in 10 minutes.

Cheng Xiaoshi

| im omw

Standing by himself in the deserted hall in front of the library, Lu Guang scoffs to himself, knowing very well his friend is not in fact on his way.

Lu Guang

| Please hurry

| Those popular douchebags are here and I can’t stand putting up with your nonsense, let alone theirs.

Cheng Xiaoshi

| those “douchebags” are my friends, Guang :l

Lu Guang doesn’t respond, having gone offline, and Xiaoshi takes that as his cue to get to class.

He hadn’t realized it, but when he looks down, he can make out the faint trail you’d made with your frequenting visits here, a beeline of thinning grass and hardening soil leading him towards the campus. It seemed like a little portal between the calm of the forest and the bustle of high school.

Finally, Xiaoshi arrives at the bottom of the hill, staring up at the flight of stairs leading into the bleachers. The air feels extremely more humid from where he stands, letting the sun hit his skin (but he’d worn sunscreen this morning, just because you’d told him too, of course.)

The first step up feels somewhat like a struggle. A feeling like something in between refusing and complaining. But he’s just being dramatic, really. Xiaoshi walks up the rest of the stairs like it was nothing.

Finally on the top of the stairs and shielded from the sun under the ceiling of the bleachers, Cheng Xiaoshi feels like his stomach tightens at the sight of you talking with Qiao Ling and lets his mouth hang open, eyes wide like buttons.

“Y/N L/N!”

Your shoulders shrug up at the sudden yell of your name, and it seems like everyone has stopped talking, just as startled. Turning around, your eyes widen when they meet with Xiaoshi’s, your mouth parting slightly, though you’re not sure what to say.

“Cheng… Xiaoshi?”

Qiao Ling, who hadn’t bothered to look (because things like this had happened too often to her, though she should’ve known it was Xiaoshi), whips her head towards his direction, ridiculed.

There’s a moment when you both look at each other and everyone else goes back to minding their own business. Xiaoshi’s cheeks are dusted pink from both the walk in the sun and meeting you here coincidentally. He holds your book up, his fingers wrapped around the spine of it, giving you a grin.

Charming, you think. His smile is charming. And teethy.

“I’ve… got your book.” He says. Brows raising, you let out an exasperated breath. That was, in fact, the book you’d been searching for during the past few days. “Oh,” You can’t resist the small smile growing across your lips as he offers it to you. You take it with nimble fingers, brushing against the cover, then looking up at him. “Thank you.”

What followed was another moment of silence.

Was this going to be a usual thing between you two?

“Hold on, you know him?” Qiao Ling, who had been ogling at your interaction the whole time speechless, plants a hand on your shoulder, completely disregarding the enthusiastic “yeah!” Xiaoshi replies with.

“Yeah, met him on our first day this year. I bumped into him, actually…” Although the whole ordeal has passed, you still wear a shameful smile. Qiao Ling narrows her eyes at Xiaoshi, “Oh you’re the golden boy they talked about?”

“Golden boy? Talked about?”

“Um,” You hiss before he could question any more, giving Qiao Ling an embarrassed and pointed look. A realization settles into her and she apologizes quietly, though she seems more teasing than anything. “Class is like, pretty soon, is it not?” You chuckle nervously, two fingers fiddling and pinching the cover of your book.

“Right, yeah, I was on my way to sociology.” Says Xiaoshi, though it seems like he’d just remember himself. “Oh, I’ve got advanced math— which is like, right down the hall to your class.”

“I can walk you there!”

“That’d be cool, yeah,”

Qiao Ling wants to interject. Remind you two of her presence. But she’s completely dumbfounded at the fact that she knows very well that if she did, neither of you would acknowledge it, too lost in the small talk and shared glances.

“Right, well, while you two do that, I’ll be here, I guess.”

“You’re not going to class?” You ask. “Nope.” Her ‘P’ pops against her lips as she leans back against the bleacher. “I’ve got a free period. Pros of being a future valedictorian, eh?”

“Shouldn’t you be using that time to study?”

“Oh, you’re one to talk, Xiaoshi. Go, shoo, before you’re late. As far as I know, Mr. Lee doesn’t like tardiness.”

“Shit, that’s my class.” Groans Xiaoshi, wiping a hand against his sweaty face. “Let’s go, Y/N L/N.” As you tread after him and wave goodbye to QIao Ling, you can’t help but laugh at the boy. “You could just call me Y/N.”

“But I like saying Y/N L/N. It rolls off nice on the tongue.”

“So does Cheng Xiaoshi.”

Shit. Is this flirting? Is Cheng Xiaoshi really flirting with the prettiest person he’s ever met? Xiaoshi seems to sweat even more, despite already entering the air-conditioned campus building. Your finger brushes against his lightly while you walk next to him, but he doesn’t think you noticed. You’re still complaining about taking advanced math with Mrs. Wang.

“I don’t get it,” Xiaoshi interjects. “Why did you pick it in the first place?” Your cheeks dust red. “Er, well,” You sigh. “I thought I’d look smart if I took the class. Turns out absolutely none of her students understand the material and we’re all left to fend for ourselves with youtube tutors and a really, really thick textbook that amounts to nothing but yet another droning lecturer.”

“Isn’t Lu Guang taking that class?”

“Lu Guang?” You hum, tilting your head. “Your friend?” Xiaoshi nods, “Yeah, the one with the white hair. People absolutely fawn over him.”

“He’s taking the class on Wednesday, then, I’m assuming.” You shrug. The both of you turned the corner and there Xiaoshi’s class was. The big metal door stands heavily in all its glory, declaring itself an entrance and separation from you. You look beyond the hallway, and spot the familiar graffitied door of Mr. Huang’s class (so many students had failed his class that they’d graffiti on his door in a feat of protest. The old man never minded it, though, it just reminded him more of his streak in paining high school kids).

“I’ll see you later,” You pause, looking up at him. “Cheng Xiaoshi.”

“You too,” He smiles. “Y/N L/N.”

The next time Xiaoshi sees you, you’re typing away at your laptop on a lunch table out in the courtyard, shaded by a generously thick tree. You’re completely neglecting your food, absolutely focused on your task at hand.

“Ahoy there, Y/N L/N.”

Cheng Xiaoshi greeting you boldly and loudly out of the blue does not faze you anymore. Not when he’s been doing it for weeks on end. Sipping on your soda with a straw stuck into the can, you swallow with a fresh sigh.

“Hello, Cheng Xiaoshi.”

“What’re you writing there?” Asks the boy as he plops down next to you, comfortably keeping a knee pressed against his chest as he plants his lunch next to yours. “It’s my English report. I planned on pulling an all-nighter last night, but,” You sigh, having been cut off when Xiaoshi offers half of his sandwich to you. You eye it, then lean down to smell it with a heavy whiff.

“You think I’d poison you, Y/N? And here I thought we were friends!” Xiaoshi mimics an arrow shooting straight through his chest, leaning against the table and dramatically hanging his head as if he’d just lost consciousness.

You laugh.

God, your laugh, Xiaoshi could live off of it alone. Your cheeks when you smile, the teeth you bare to him when you chuckle. He wishes to see it everyday.

“You called me Y/N. Like, Y/N only, Y/N.”

“Yeah, yeah, I guess you came around. Anyways, eat up.” Xiaoshi taps the bread of his sandwich against your mouth and you roll your eyes, taking a bite and wiping the crumbs off the corner of your lips.

“Thanksh.” You murmur through a mouthful. You push your lunch towards him. “I made fried rishe. Pleash try it out fohr me.”

Xiaoshi’s lip quips up at your strange, mouthful accent. “Of courshe.” He says obnoxiously at you, laughing when you push his cheek away with your hand. Picking up the stainless steel spoon you’d packed, Xiaoshi eats a spoonful of your cooking, smacking his lips as he chews obnoxiously.

You’re very aware he’s trying to cheer you up. You can’t imagine how grumpy you looked typing and frowning when he approached you.

“Well?” You say, finally swallowing down the little bit of his sandwich you’d eaten. “Is it any good?”

“Is it any good?” Repeats Xiaoshi. “Do fish live in the sea?”

“No,” You spit playfully, hands hovering back over your laptop keyboard. But before you could start working again, Xiaoshi smacks your hands and you gasp, looking at him wide-eyed as he closes your laptop shut.

“You did not just do that.” You hiss. Xiaoshi sticks a tongue out at you. “I just did. Anyways, give your little laptop a break would you? And yourself, too, of course.”

You suppose he’s right. A part of you appreciates Xiaoshi a little more (if that were possible) now as he munches on food, and another part wants to smack him in the face when you realize it’s your food he’s munching on.

“Cheng Xiaoshi! You just ate, like, half of my lunch, you goof!”

“It’s your fault you cooked it so good, Y/N L/N.”

You take Xiaoshi’s ham sandwich sourly, wanting to get back at him as you take a big bite right in front of his face. And although you think he’s as upset as you are for eating his lunch, Xiaoshi’s chest warms at the sight of you eating the rest of his lunch, and when he offers yours back, you snatch it and devour it quickly. His smile grows each spoonful of food you eat.

“Hey,” He says, leaning his head against his fist as he watches you eat. You hum in response through full cheeks. “I’m gonna buy a milkshake. Want one?”

You mouth something along the lines of Hannah montana and a strangely structured word.

“...what?”

You roll your eyes at him, swallowing and finally telling him: “banana, please.” Xiaoshi’s mouth forms an ‘o’ and he nods at you. “Don’t you mean ‘banana, pleash’?”

“I hate you. Like genuinely. Like I’m going to be friends with Lu Guang now instead.” You huff, and he juts his bottom lip out at you.

The milkshake stand in the small nook of the canteen is run by two freshman girls. You and Xiaoshi are in fact their first and top customers… and their only customers during this season. Xiaoshi offers them both a wide smile and orders one strawberry and one banana. As one scurries off to whip up their orders, Jia, the younger of the two, leans against the counter of their property (they have a cooking and selling permit from the principal herself until lunch hour ends) with a suggestive smile.

“So? How’s Y/N? How’re your kids?”

“Holy shit,” Groans Xiaoshi. This was the only reason he hadn’t asked for you to come along. Both Jia and Yanyu know about the senior’s harboring feelings for you. They also know about your harboring feelings for him.

You both had admitted to your feelings to them individually, unable to decipher their devious, knowing smile.

“Language!” Yells Yanyu over the blender. “Sorry,” Replies Xiaoshi, monotone. “But really, I don’t want to talk about it, Jia.”

“Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?” Says Jia, crossing her arms, her braided hair shifting against her shoulder. The boy scoffs, “Stop acting like we’re married.”

“You two may as well be. Quick, tell me, my therapist hours are open.”

Xiaoshi can’t believe he’s about to spill his heart’s heavy doubts to a 14 year old.

“They’re… not interested.” He sighs. Jia, wide-eyed, leans closer. “They told you that?”

“Well, no.” She deadpans. “You can’t just assume they aren’t. Communication. Is. Key.” She says, clapping her hands to corresponding syllables she speaks. Xiaoshi shrugs, “I’ve been trying to drop hints, but they’ve either been ignoring it or they’re really, really, blind.”

“It’s the latter.” Says Yanyu as she hands him his drinks. They both know too much about how you both can be ridiculously blind to dropped hints. She grimaces at the thought of you both prancing and dancing around a bush, Xiaoshi’s pathetic attempts to earn your heart when he doesn’t know it’s in his hands. “Definitely the latter.”

“Well, I just bought them a banana smoothie. Think that’ll be eye-opening enough?”

“Are you crazy?” Groans Jia, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You do that for each other all the time! Do something nice out of the blue or norm, like…”

“Tell ‘em you think they look pretty today!” Interjects Yanyu. Xiaoshi tilts his head, “But I think they look pretty everyday?”

Aw. Yanyu and Jia share a knowing look. “Well, do you tell them?”

“No, I guess not…” He hums. “Then this is your chance! Flatter them. Everyone loves that. Tell them you love their eyes, their lips, their hair– the way they part their hair.” Jia pauses, smiling cheekily as she watches his cheeks heat up. “In fact, tell them you love all their parts.”

“I can’t say that!”

“Sure, you can!” Sings Yanyu, planting her hands against his shoulders and directing him towards the table you sit in.

In the distance, the three of them can spot you, having finished both yours and Xiaoshi’s lunch. You write down in your notebook, scribbling almost aggressively, but he still thinks you look heavenly.

“Well, see ya, lover boy!” Jia pushes against his back lightly, nudging him as he takes a step forward. “And tell Y/N we said hi! And that we miss them!”

Yanyu tells him a few encouraging words but he can’t process them when he’s trying to figure out how to tell you how damn pretty he thinks you look everyday. The condensation of both your cold smoothies mix with the sweat of his palms– either from the humidity or just the thought of you– and he sits down next to you, eyes trained on you.

“Thanks, Xiaoshi,” You say, accepting the banana smoothie he’d handed to you subconsciously. But quicker than he’d wanted, you notice his intense gaze and gulp thickly.

“Is there… anything on my face?” You ask, wiping the back of your hand against your cheek self-consciously.

“Yeah,” Says Xiaoshi slowly. “Pretty… ness.”

What. Was that. So much for golden boy.

You give him a questioning look, taking a sip of the smoothie he’d just bought you. “Are you okay? Are you having a heat stroke? I told you to put on some sunscreen.”

“You look really pretty today.” Xiaoshi finally says in a blunt tone. “Oh,” You mumble, surprised. “Thanks.”

You hope you sound calm, because you definitely aren’t. Cheng Xiaoshi had just gone to buy you a smoothie and came back to tell you that you’re pretty. Totally not something the universe had personally hand-picked out of your delusional brain filled with fantasies.

“I think you look pretty, too.” You say in a small, breathy and shaky voice. “Thank you,” Replies Xiaoshi with a small smile.

“Wanna try some of my milkshake? You haven’t tried the strawberry one, right?”

“Oh, sure. Thanks.”

“Also, Jia and Yanyu miss you.”

Xiaoshi thinks this is a mission success. Your cheeks red from the sun (and from Xiaoshi complimenting you, but he denies that) as you try his smoothie, and he takes a sip of your banana flavored one. He told you he thought you looked pretty and you think he’s pretty too; definitely mission success.

You don't expect Xiaoshi to coincidentally have the same free period as you– let alone have him sit with you in the library as you highlight keywords and statements in your textbook.

"It's so weird that we've got the same free period," You mumble with half the effort, focused on skimming through your material. Xiaoshi lets out a 'pshh' sound with his breath: "Nah. I skipped class."

"You skipped class?" You repeat, dropping your book and highlighter as you furrow your brows at him. Though a little surprised at your reaction, the boy nods slowly. “No, one does not just ‘skip class’.” You cough. “You’ve gotta go through the paperwork and give the teacher a dismissal note for whatever reason you made up. And then have your classmates make an alibi for you as you’re out.”

“...or you could just walk out the door and never return.”

“No, Cheng Xiaoshi, you can’t just do that.” You laugh, though it's the kind of laugh where you’re in disbelief and somewhat in denial. “Holy shit.” Says Xiaoshi, leaning closer with a teasing smile. “You, Y/N L/N, have never skipped a class.”

“I have!” You say a little too loud for your liking, earning looks from the students at the table next over. Mumbling a small sorry, you clasp your hands together in a makeshift apology before rummaging your head into your open textbook.

“I have never skipped a class.” You admit, sullen.

Xiaoshi can’t help but chuckle lightly at your current state, and he can’t help but laugh even more when you look up at him with a frown. “You’re really laughing at me right now!? I’m never going to live a fun and rebellious high school life and you’re laughing at me!”

“I-I’m not,” Xiaoshi pauses to collect himself. He eases his chuckles as he pats on his chest with his hand, which makes you more upset at him. “Alright, I’m sorry. It’s all the more better that you’ve never skipped a class, really. There’s no hype to it or anything like that.”

“I don’t know,” You huff, watching your breath turn over a page of your textbook. “I don’t really want to graduate high school knowing I’ve never skipped a class. It’s unfulfilling, or something like that.” Your expression turns sour. “Winning perfect absence sounds cool, though,”

“You wanna win that?” Asks Xiaoshi, leaning down and pressing his cheek to the cold hardwood of the table, facing you. You look at him, at his squished cheek and his intent gaze. Something in you whirrs– tingles.

“...no.”

Xiaoshi laughs. “It’s not too late, you know. You’ve still got, like, a semester to go.”

You whine, squeezing your eyes shut as you groan and let your forehead hit the cover of your textbook. “It’s too late, Xiaoshi, I’m already too deep in. I’m going to receive that award with some half-assed smile and so many regrets. Imagine how many bobas I could have had if I did have the strength to skip a class. Or fried rice. Or food truck burritos! God, imagine how many burritos.”

“So many burritos.” Xiaoshi lets out a melancholic sigh, and it somewhat humors you and comforts you as you turn to face him. You meet eyes with him, both your faces pressed against the table and you give him a small laugh when he repeats more and more foods you could have enjoyed if you’d ever skipped a class.

If you ever could.

iii. 3.27 PM

The fact that Cheng Xiaoshi stands at the door frame of your math advanced class doesn’t surprise you. Neither is the fact that he’s looking at your teacher with a bitter look. Though, the fact that those two don’t surprise you is just a bit concerning. Just a bit.

“Hello,” You say, pushing at his chest as you both exit your classroom.

“You’re so right,” Says Xiaosh a little too loud for your comfort, pausing to take another good look at your professor over your shoulder. “She does look divorced.”

“Holy shit.” You cough when her head whips to the both of you. “Great, now my advanced math teacher hates me. How could I ever repay you?” You groan sarcastically, bumping your knee to his. “Actually!” Beams Xiaoshi. “There is. You were called to the office.”

“Me? Called to the office?” You repeat, suspicious. “Should Mrs. Wang kno-”

“Nuh-uh! They told me it was urgent. Involves the both of us, apparently.” Xiaoshi is quick– almost too quick, too eager– to cut you off, grabbing a hold of your wrist. The action alone makes the ends of your fingers tingle and your chest to swell, and you hope Xiaoshi can’t tell your elevating heartbeat from the beating spot of skin in your wrist.

“Did you just say nuh-uh?” You say in a small snicker, letting him drag you down the hall and several flights of stairs. “Shut up.” Laughs Xiaoshi, his stomach caving in at the sound of your enjoyment.

Though Xiaoshi mentioned the office, for some ridiculous reason, you both end up walking up to the front gates, still hand in hand. You look back, the earthy scent of autumn enveloping you as you stare at the old, wet campus building.

“Why are you taking me outside.” You ask, though it sounds more like a demand. Xiaoshi’s mouth opens, but nothing comes out. He pauses for a moment, looks back at you, then looks back at the front gates you’d just walked out of, and then turns back around.

“I’ll tell you in a minute.”

Something in you wonders why you’re letting him drag you away from the school grounds, and to the opposite direction of where you’re supposed to be right now. But the answer is clearly obvious:

You have the biggest fattest crush on this boy.

You’re not sure when it happened, but it happened, alright. You’d realized when you were talking to him as he took a break from playing basketball, and when he’d confessed that he hadn’t put sunscreen on, you immediately whipped yours out and applied it to his skin yourself. As your fingers traveled and graced across the milky, plush skin of his face, you found yourself fawning over how he just sat there, eyes shut closed, and let you.

In the end, he retreated back to his teammates with a childish smile, with his cap on your head.

“In return for the facial!”

“It was sunscreen.”

But as you clutched the hat to your chest where your heart bloomed, you realized how much he’d grown on you.

“Okay.” Says Xiaoshi, letting your hand go to adjust his jean jacket, then the thick sweater layered under it. It’s until now when you realize you’re severely underdressed for this rainy weather, but with clutched and crossed arms, you let him speak.

“Congratulations Y/N L/N! You’ve just skipped your first class!”

What. The fuck. You can’t help but think. Wordless, you stare at him blankly, waiting for a punchline or a big reveal that this had been a silly prank. But as Xiaoshi pats both your shoulders and puffs his chest out as he tells you how proud of you he is, you grimace.

“There’s no fucking way I just fell for that.” Your hand travels up to clutch the side of your face. “You just dragged me out of class! Just like that!”

“I did!” Cheers Xiaoshi. He’s too cute to be mad at, really, but you just can’t believe he did that. “Xiaoshi! This is not something to be happy about!” You declare, though you’re trying to hold back a laugh when your best friend starts wiggling his arms and shaking his hips in what you think is a celebratory dance.

“In legal terms, you just kidnapped me. You’ve kidnapped me, Cheng Xiaoshi.” You say in a dramatic voice, flailing your arms at him. “Do you realize I left my jacket in class? I’m so underdressed for this.”

Xiaoshi takes a good look at you. Scans you up and down. Then frantic, he gingerly throws his jean jacket off and ties it around his waist, rushing to escape the warm binds of his sweater. The bottom hem of his uniform lifts as he tries to get his sweater off and you pull on it, laughing when you hear a muffled thanks through his multiple layers of clothes.

Finally, he’s rid of his green sweater— it's the type of green you like, and he very well knows that— and hands it to you with a toothy grin.

Like a puppy… You think when he seems to shake like a wagging tail.

“Thank you.” Is the only thing you can say as you accept the sweater. As you bow to put it on, you’re completely engulfed in his scent. He smells warm and earthy. Like fresh blades of grass after a light rain. He smells like the sun shines– not too hot, but warm enough for a good rest under the rays of light.

There’s a hint of AXE body spray, too. A very subtle hint of it.

The feeling of personally wearing a sweater that belongs to Cheng Xiaoshi is frankly… surreal to you. The sleeves are too long for you and you bunch the extra bit of it up until it reaches the palm of your hands, breathing into them for extra warmth.

Though he’s not wearing a jacket, Xiaoshi thinks seeing you in his sweater is enough to heat him up. There’s a shiver that descends from the top of his head down his spine and he thinks he likes it– or maybe it's the cold finally getting to him.

As he throws his jean jacket back on, Xiaoshi bumps his hip into yours, “Where do you want to go now, you class-skipping menace?”

You take no time to ponder:

“We’re going to have burritos. All the burritos.”

“So many burritos.”

It’s odd how warm you suddenly feel as soon as you take the first bite into your burrito. Maybe because it’s freshly made because they just opened, maybe it’s because Xiaoshi insisted on paying for it when you realized you left your wallet in class.

You frankly left everything in there, save for yourself and your phone.

Xiaoshi hums when he finally gets a taste of his burrito, wiping at the sauce that spilled on the corner of his lips with the back of his hand. After swallowing your bite, you nod at him with a knowing, smug smirk.

“Good, huh?”

The boy nods eagerly in response, which humors you a little. You pull the thick sleeves of Xiaoshi’s sweater up to your elbows so as to not get it dirty or spilled on, but it’s evident that you’re growing cold without the extra layer (and the pits of your elbows start to sweat a little too much). Xiaoshi, noticing the thoughtful gesture, assures you to keep your forearms covered with a full mouth.

“But I’m gonna get ‘em dirty!”

“It’sh foine!” He says through the several ingredients of his burrito (which consists of: a flour tortilla, beef, baked beans and several veggies).

“Are you shore?” You mimic him, pulling your sleeves down. Despite his eyes rolling at your antics, Xiaoshi sets his food down to help you with it, the warmth of his fingers alone radiating off of your skin that he begins to help cover.

Your stomach churns as you look down at the action. His gentle fingers help unbunch the material of his sweater and they wrap around your wrist for the second time today, his thumb rubbing across the bottom of your palm.

Chest wavering, your eyes cast up and they unexpectedly meet Xiaoshi’s (though he was staring at you the whole time). There’s a moment– he gives you a moment to make up something to say to him in return– but he’s really expecting a quiet, shy thank you and a full-blown confession. “Thanksh.” You say, cracking into a smile when he groans.

“You won’t let that live down?”

“You didn’t in the summer.”

Xiaoshi ignores your response with a pout, his hands fishing for his burrito and grabbing hold of it to take another dangerously obnoxious bite into it. Boy likes his beef and baked beans.

You watch him, watch as more and more crumbs build up onto his chin until he wipes it off with a napkin and shoots it at an absurdly small trash can that sits a few feet away from you two, laughing at him when it hits the rim and misses.

“I’m bored.” You mention out of the blue when you’re finished with your burrito, crumpling the thin paper you’d used to hold your burrito with and used tissues into a big ball, handing it to Xiaoshi when he asks to have another shot into the bin. He misses.

“How the hell am I on the basketball team,” he laughs. You freeze, fingers playing with the plastic fork you were given as you ask: “you’re in the basketball team?”

“Hell yeah, I am.” Answers Xiaoshi with pride. And then a realization hits you. You’ve known Cheng Xiaoshi for nearly half a year and you barely know anything about him aside from the fact that he’s a big (maybe the biggest) goofball and he’s purely a golden retriever.

“Let’s play 21 questions.”

“All of a sudden?” He hums, swiping his hair up away from his forehead. Your head spins a little at how charming the action alone had made him. “Mhm. I barely know anything about you, and I doubt you know me more than I know you. So,”

“What I’m getting here,” Xiaoshi pauses, his face leaning closer to yours as he plants his elbow against the table. He wears a boyish smile and it makes your head buzz. “You wanna get to know me better, huh?”

“Exactly.” You say in a whisper, the ends of your fingers tingling when his smile grows at your response alone.

“Alright, I’ll go first: what’s your shoe size?”

You can’t help but let out a loud chuckle, “You’re so weird!”

“21 questions are 21 questions! Answer me.” Defends Xiaoshi, though he’s laughing with you.

“Alright, I’m like a decent size 40.”

“Only? I’m like, 43. I win.”

You’re about to comment on the fact that Xiaoshi just considered comparing shoe sizes for competition, but you don’t think you want to when he tells you not to be sour in a coo, patting your arm. He teases you in a sweet way, and you know he means no ill intent.

“Opinion on pineapple on pizza?”

“I’m neutral.” You shrug. Nodding, Xiaoshi wears a contemplating look, “I, for one, am all for it. You can never go bad with sweet and savory. In my opinion,” He pauses to press a hand against his chest. “I think they make a great pair. Soulmates, even.”

“Oh, yeah?” You hum. “That’s an interesting way to think of it. Between the two of us, who would you think is the sweet and who’s the savory?”

Oh. Xiaoshi looks at you, a light in his eyes as he wonders. You think he’s pondering for the answer, but he’s already got that figured out. You were the sweet to his savory. What he really was wondering was: were you regarding him as your soulmate when you asked that? He can’t tell. You’d said it in such a naive, innocent, genuine tone that makes him fold.

“You,” He starts, tapping his heel against the pavement of the street floor. “are a sweet cutie patootie sugar booger honey bun-”

“Oh my god, shut up.” You laugh loudly, leaning over to lightly press your hand against the direct front of his face that he teases nearer you. “Your turn, savory.”

“It’s your turn, sweets. Don’t you know how taking turns works?” Jests Xiaoshi, his cheek still pressed against your outstretched hand. You shake your head, "I took it already– I just asked you which of us were sweet and savory– don't you know how questions work?"

“Very well,” He replies, removing his face from your taunting grasp. “Favorite Pringles flavor?”

“Sour cream and onion.”

“I thought you were sweet,”

You roll your eyes, ignoring his quip, “Go-to takeout?”

“Pizza. And boba. Favorite movie?”

“It has to be any of Wes Anderson’s movies. Oh wait! Ghibli, too,” You nod your head momentarily. “You?”

“Say Something for sure. A classic.” Answers Xiaoshi with his whole chest, nodding with a proud smile. You stay quiet, lips thinned and fingers retreating to play with the sleeve of his sweater. It takes the boy a moment to fully digest the look you wear: one of a little embarrassment and guilt.

“No.” He gasps. “You’ve never watched Say Something?” There’s a shock and what sounds to you a small bit of hurt (feigned, of course). Wordless, you answer with a shake of your head. He presses the back of his palm against his forehead, faking a faint as he falls back against his chair.

“You’ve wounded me, Y/N. Look at me, a dead man!” You scoff, nudging his knee with yours under the table, and it sends a little electricity through him. “Stop being so dramatic! You’ll get over it.”

“Anyways, what’s the daily agenda of the oh-so-popular golden boy, hm?” You ask. Xiaoshi, still slouched back into his chair, gives you a questioning look, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you have a lot of friends. A lot of friends mean a lot of plans. A lot of basketball games, a lot of karaoke runs, a lot of parties. Am I right?”

The look the boy gives you says you’re absolutely wrong. He stays silent for a moment, spending his time to think as he watches your expression fall from a smile to one of a lost thought. “I don’t have a lot of friends, Y/N,” He admits. “I just know a lot of people. I don’t take anyone out to a food truck burrito run.”

Your stomach caves in at the way he regards you. Or rather, the fact that he emphasized the fact that he treated you differently.

“And I don’t party. Well- okay, I’ve been to a few, but it’s not my type of genre, you feel me?” Xiaoshi’s hands press together and he looks at you a certain way as if waiting for your verdict.

“Oh.” Is all you can say. You’re surprised. But something in you tells you that you shouldn’t be, because he’s literally eating burritos with you right now. Why on earth would he hang out with you if he had other friends to spend time with?

“You seem disappointed.” He deadpans. Immediately, you shake your hands and head at him, denying fervently. “No, no, no, not like that! It just seemed like you were a big party person.” You confess with a certain tone in your voice, one of slight remorse. “It’s… surprising you’d hang out with me, actually. But it’s nice of you to. I like spending time with you.”

You bloom a certain warmth in Xiaoshi’s chest. It swirls and spirals, accumulating enough to just burst out of his abdomen. He feels as if he’s about to float. All the fall cold that had been itching its way past his layers and onto his skin had just melted away merely by the heat he radiated after hearing you say that you’d enjoyed spending time with him. He feels like he could fly and fall at the same time, but he thinks he prefers falling if you’re there to catch him in the end.

Oh. This is bad. This is really, really bad. Here, in the cold hour of 3.27 PM, on a table that you’d just shared burritos with, the realization that Cheng Xiaoshi had fallen in love with you just hit him.

Though, it doesn’t really seem bad anymore. Falling in love in front of a food truck could be romantic, right? It doesn’t really matter to him. Not when his mouth parts, voice lumped and stuck in his throat as he attempts to tell you how sudden and how hard you’d just made him fall in love with you. He wants to tell you in the form of words; in the form of touch; in the form of mingling breaths and intertwined fingers; in the form of his palm pressed against the skin of your jaw, drawing you closer as his whispers fan the lobe of your ear.

But, no. All that comes out is a quiet, shaky:

“I like spending time with you. Too.”

You wear a smile. Then you give him a small, but bashful and shy laugh. He thinks he might die at the sight. Cheng Xiaoshi wants nothing in the world right now but to hold you in his arms– or be held in your arms. Either way, as long as his skin is pressed against yours, he’s all for it. He wants you to run your fingers through his hair, for his head to rest on the soft flesh of your thighs or arms or frankly any limb you’d be willing to offer to him because god your touch looks just too good to waste.

But he knows he can’t. Not now. Not when you’re telling him to ask you a question and when he does, it’s a dumb, shallow, vague one that you answer with heart and mind anyway because you care about this game. You care about getting to know him. That’s what makes you worth every bit of love this universe has to offer, he thinks.

“That’s enough,” You groan, staring into a street light– which you really shouldn’t, because it’s illuminating light shines and blinds directly into your eyes, and you groan everytime that happens.

“One more,” Pants Xiaoshi, picking up the round and faded basketball, dribbling it past the 3-point indicator line. He repositions himself, his knees bending just slightly as he adjusts his aim. With a jump, he stretches his arms out, the ball flying out of his hand and traveling right through the center of the ring.

Xiaoshi sings a little ‘whoop!’ as he jogs over to you.

You’re laid out on the court floor, bored out of your mind as you start staring straight at the streetlight just to feel a little entertained. You fiddle with the boy’s bottle in both your hands, and he lends down to pick it out of your hands, sounding a thank you, though you don’t respond.

Xiaoshi sits by your feet, tilting his head at your lack of response. “Sweets? You good?”

That damned nickname. Ever since he’d forced you to bail and went to get burritos with you, it was all he ever called you. Not like you’re complaining, but how could he frankly expect you to return a verbal, sane response after what’s practically a couple’s pet name?

But you do respond, of course, throwing a thumbs up his way as you nudge him with your shoe.

“You know,” Xiaoshi starts, setting his bottle down to lay down next to you. This doesn’t help your case at all, your body tingling when his hand brushes against yours during the action. “You can just go home. You don’t have to stay with me while I practice.”

“Nuh-uh,” You reply, shaking a finger at him. “I’m like, officially your number one fan. Who else would be your fanclub president if not me?”

“I’m just saying, a fan doesn’t spend hours with their idols. They always say: ‘never meet your idols.’” Xiaoshi shrugs, and you can feel his arm brushing up against your uniform. It makes you nervous. Nevertheless, you face him, stomach churning when he mimics you, your noses nearly touching at the close proximity.

“You’re not so bad to meet.”

Xiaoshi doesn’t think you know just how crazy you make him feel. His heart beats faster and more rapidly than when he was shooting hoops and doing drills. He lets a moment pass by, the air settling as he counts how many times he can feel your breath brush his chin.

“Neither are you.”

You smile. He can see your teeth a little. Your cheeks puff out and your lips stretch in a nice way that makes him want to kiss you until you can’t breathe.

But he can’t do that.

Not when you’re sitting up and patting his thigh and urging him to walk you home. Not when you hand him his bottle and brush the dirt off his sweater that you still haven’t returned (but he doesn’t mind because it just means in the ultimate time you do, it’ll smell like you). Not when he carries both your backpacks and pats a beat against yours that he has pressed to his chest.

But he really wants to, though.

There’s a little bounce in your step as you walk a few feet ahead of him, cooing at how much faster at walking you are than a basketball player, but he’s really just staying behind because he likes watching you walk.

Suddenly, there’s a lump in his throat. He attempts to swallow it down. It doesn’t work. He wonders what it is, but he doesn’t think he cares because you rub your hands together with the sleeves of his hoodie and he likes the sight of it. But whatever it is, it’s bubbling and rising and it tastes weird in the back of his mouth.

Suddenly it spills out. The words spill out.

You’d stopped in your tracks, turning around slowly at him with a shocked expression.

Shit! What had he said?

“What?” It seems you don’t know either, because you tilt your head at him (and he thinks it's adorable) and ask him to repeat what he’d said. Xiaoshi shakes his head, “Wait, I blanked out. What did I say?”

“You screamed something along the lines of ‘date and say something.’”

Oh shit. Cheng Xiaoshi had asked you out on a date unconsciously.

“Oh, there’s, uh, a showing of Say Something in the local theater. They like to rerun old films. No one really goes there, anymore, so we don’t have to if you don’t want to-”

“No!” You suddenly yell, and for some reason, you both jump. “I’d really, really like to see Say Something with you. Y’know, since you were so hurt by the fact that I haven’t watched it.”

There it is again. The blooming in his chest. It’s crazy he hasn’t fallen into a cardiac arrest yet. You smile at him, and he finds it contagious, smiling back even harder. You tell him something about you having to hurry home and telling him to hurry, and he does. He runs with you, the two backpacks that had just weighed him down now feeling weightless as they bounce against his back and chest because he’s jogging down a hill towards your house.

iv. unsaid.

Cheng Xiaoshi is dressed in his best pair of jeans and his favorite bomber jacket layered with a sweater underneath– he hopes you aren’t wearing anything thick enough so he could lend this one to you too, as stupid as the idea is.

He spends a solid five minutes in front of the mirror, telling himself many things:

“You got this.”

“Don’t screw up.”

“Act cool.”

“Do not screw it up.”

He takes one last good look at himself, huffing as he smooths the collar of his sweater, unable to rest at the thought of spending a night alone with you in what will most likely be a deserted theater. Nothing to screw up there.

Grabbing the house keys– because both Qiao Ling and Lu Guang had better plans to do rather than stay at home and help Xiaoshi get ready after he begged the both of them to– and stuffing them into the pocket of his bomber jacket, he repeats the three crucial words to himself over and over: “Don’t screw up.”

There’s not one thought running through his mind that’s not about you as he twists at the doorknob, mindlessly stepping out and turning around to lock the front door. Completely disregarding the fact that his teammates are pulled up in a red camaro in front of his house, Xiaoshi doesn’t think twice about immediately turning to the direction of the theater.

“Hey, Cheng Xiaoshi!”

Shocked, the said boy’s shoulders shrug up as he turns around, feet almost stumbling against the small bit of ice that had frozen on the pavement overnight. “Oh- hey! What are you doing here?”

“Giving you a ride to Hu’s, what else?”

Oh shit. Cheng Xiaoshi had completely forgotten about the pregame party he’d been invited to. Of course, he had no intention to go. But his teammates are stubborn, too stubborn.

“Sorry, guys, I can’t make it tonight.” Replies Xiaoshi, trying his best to sound guilty. One of them tilts his head, looks him up and down and asks: “Where else are you going, dressed like that?”

“I’ve… got a date.”

“Ah, come on!” His teammate scoffs, waving his hand in the air. “You can’t win yourself plenty of dates at the party. What’s one?”

One is with you. He can’t really afford to miss it, not for the world. Xiaoshi shrugs, turning around as he tells them: “Sorry, I can’t just stand someone up like that.”

“How do you know they’re not at the party? Can’t you just invite them there, whoever you’re going out with?”

Jesus. It’s not that easy, is it? Xiaoshi isn’t the golden boy they make him out to be. Their Xiaoshi was hand crafted and molded by their standards of a tall, charming basketball player that had many admirers. A porcelain that’s hollow inside. Hollow and filled with echoes of what they claim him to be. A player, a charmer, and MVP.

Almost all his life, Xiaoshi had been living to fit what everyone wants and expects him to be. And though he really, really wants to break through that porcelain and completely deny what they demand, he doesn’t think he has the strength to do that. Not even now, as his mind races with thoughts about you: how you look waiting for him in front of the theater, how you smell of cinnamon and gingerbread because you’d been making cookies with your mother at home, how warm you feel as you sit next to him, your arm pressed up against his.

Xiaoshi can hear his teammates begging him to come, and he absolutely despises it. Despises how his chest aches with guilt because his friends just want him to have fun with them.

He turns around, gives them a serious, pointed look, “Ten minutes, and then you drive me to the theater. Got it?”

“Got it! You’re the best, Cheng Xiaoshi!”

The tip of your nose is numb and you rub it in hopes that its sense will return. The theater is open and its warmth lures you in to welcome you, but you don’t want to enter before meeting with Xiaoshi.

You bring the collar of the hoodie you wear up to your chin, closing your eyes shut as if it’d help. It doesn’t. Taking out your phone from your pocket, on its screen projects the fact that Xiaoshi is ten minutes late. Your stomach drops, but you scold yourself for it, refusing to think lowly of Xiaoshi.

He’s going to show up any second now, sweating although it’s extremely cold out, nearly slipping on ice as he spits a spew of feverish apologies, cheeks dusted pink because of the cold. And you’re going to lean up, swipe a few snowflakes out of his hair and reassure him that you hadn’t been waiting too long. He’s going to lead you inside, take you by the arm and sit you right next to him in the warm seats of the theater, and whisper a few words in your ear; something along the lines of “you’ll love this movie, I promise you” or “you’re going to see what I was dying about, sweets.”

And he’s going to call you that name. That god-forbidden name that shouldn’t make you absolutely melt into an icky, thick puddle because it’s generic and commonly used in western movies. But it does. He does. Cheng Xiaoshi makes you melt as if you’re stuck in the summer, when you first met him, the electricity he sent when he’d handed you your book and your fingers brushed still humming through your fingers until now.

But he doesn’t.

You wait another ten minutes, then twenty, then thirty. A solid hour had passed and you’re still left outside in the cold, shaking and jittering as you constantly check your phone for any sign of him.

The old janitor had spotted you and called you to enter many times, but every time you informed him: “I’m waiting for someone.”

And he responds: “I hope this someone is worth waiting in the cold for.”

And typically, you’d completely agree with the statement. But now, as nearly all your limbs are frozen from either the cold or from standing for a solid hour, you don’t think you can agree with it. Not when your hopes had been so incredibly high. Not when you’d spent the whole day getting ready both mentally and physically. Not when your mother kissed the crown of your head and reassured you of the fact that this night was going to be as warm and as welcoming and as safe as it was in every other season.

No. The cold bites at your skin and you grow bitter and tired and cold.

“You promised me you would drive me to the theater.”

“Do I look like I’m in the condition to drive?”

Xiaoshi wants to punch this guy. Square in the jaw, or nose, or frankly anywhere. With the way he’s slurring his words and swinging his drink around in his hand makes himself practically a target with a big red circle in his face. But he knows better. Especially when he knows something as worth it as you awaits for him later.

“Okay,” Replies Xiaoshi, holding back the urge to roll his eyes as he sets his friend down on the couch. “You take it easy, alright cap? I gotta head out.”

“What? No! If this is about your stupid date, I swear to god we can find you one here that’s probably better than wherever you originally planned to be tonight.”

Okay, this guy was really testing his limits. Xiaoshi’s hands fist at his sides and he gives him a look, a dangerous one that no one had ever seen him wear. After a moment of contemplation, his teammate finally groans, waving with his hand, “Fine, bye. Go have fun on that super fun date.”

Xiaoshi doesn’t spare anyone one second to greet them goodbye, he grabs his bomber jacket that had been hung up on a coat hanger and immediately sprints out of the house, nearly tripping over the ice and the snow because Hu hadn’t shoveled his damn driveway and he can barely see because the sun had already disappeared.

“Shit, shit, shit.” The one thing Xiaoshi had to do was to not screw it up. What had happened? He screwed it up, because he’s such a damn people pleaser he can’t make one decision for himself.

The theater is a solid half an hour away on foot from Hu’s, but Xiaoshi made it in 10. His stomach drops and his head spins when he suddenly stops to a halt, his heels skidding against the ice against the pavement. You’re not here. You don’t stand in front of the theater like he’d imagined, and he thinks he wants to scream.

He rushes inside, breathless, searching frantically everywhere and calling out your name.

“If yer the fella that lovely one’s been waitin’ for,” An elderly suddenly speaks, his voice seemingly echoing and ricocheting against the walls of the theater, though it was built to be soundproof. “They’ve just gone. Probably still a block or two away.”

Xiaoshi mutters a quick thank you and wastes absolutely no time in sprinting, nearly falling to his knees when he takes a sharp turn to the left. And there you were, walking with a sullen face underneath a streetlamp.

This part of town was one of the first sections to be built, so many of the antique streetlights are either too dim to see, or have completely died. But the one you stand under illuminates brightly, showing your breath dissipating in the air as you heave a sigh.

His feet act before he thinks. He runs through the snow, the crunch against ice alerting you when he’s nearly a few feet away from you. You don’t want to look. Not when there are tears brimming your eyes.

“Y/N, I’m-” Xiaoshi is completely winded– not because he’d just sprinted nearly across town, but because he can see he had clearly hurt you. He can’t tell how long you’d been waiting for him, but considering the sour look you give him, he assumes you’d been waiting a long time, and he aches inside.

“I’m sorry.”

That’s all he can say. All that he’s willing to say. He’s afraid that if he let out any more, it’d escalate and he’d be going on and on about how deep in love he is with you and how much remorse in him there is right now and how much self poison is boiling in his stomach, bubbling and popping nearly out of his throat.

You look at him dead in the eye. Though he’d made you wait all that time, you don’t think you can look at him as if he had done you wrong. You look at him as if you try to understand him and what he’s going through– because you want to. You want to look at him like you hate him, and you want to say it too, but you can’t help but do the opposite.

“I love you, Cheng Xiaoshi.” You let out, and the boy twitches, as if you’d snapped something in him. But he’s still wordless, and you think you hate that.

“I love you, like a lot. And I’m not going to let one mishap get in the way of our friendship over these months. But waiting for you, out there, in the cold and in the snow, I felt embarrassed. Like I was throwing away my time– and maybe I was.” Tears flow down from the rims of your eyes and trail down your cheeks. Though it’s nearly a negative temperature out, your tears are hot against your skin. They’re hot and boiling and filled with both love and hatred.

Suddenly, you step forward and hit him in the chest. He lets you. You do it again, a sound escaping you. “Where were you? You better tell me the damn truth.” You spit.

“I was at a party.” Answers Xiaoshi with no hesitation. It just came out. He wants to explain about how his asshole teammates that he can’t believe he’d called his friends forced him into coming and refused to let him go anywhere else, but his body doesn’t let him.

You let out a laugh, one of disbelief. “You are the school’s golden boy, aren’t you? You are every little stereotype they call you. You’re charming, you’re handsome. You’re friendly.” You pause, letting out a shaky breath. “You’re a liar.”

“No,” Whispers Xiaoshi, though strained. You shake your head at him. “You’re a liar and a thief.” He’d stolen your heart, afterall, “You’re the golden boy. And I hate that I’ve learned to love every part of you, even the ones that hurt me.”

You want to turn around a walk away, but a part of you forces you to stay. Forces you to look him in the eye, forces a little bit of hope into your chest as he looks back at you. His mouth parts, and something in you jumps.

"I'm... sorry."

You don't know what he's sorry for: leaving you to wait for him in the snow for an hour, or you loving him. You don't want to find out, nodding as you bite the flesh on the inside of your cheek, resisting the tears that urge to fall from your eyes.

You’re walking away now. He hadn’t fully processed it, but as you're walking away, he can make out the crunch of the snow under your feet, and the sounds of your sniffles traveling away, further and further. His fingers twitch.

He screwed up. He always screws up.

But he can’t believe he’d screwed up in telling you how much he loved you. How much he’d wanted to reach out and caress you, whisper apologies in his ear in every form he has to offer. How much he was willing to bet he loved you more than anyone could love him.

Cheng Xiaoshi is always one to leave things unsaid, because in most cases it’s better if he does. But he’s become so conditioned to it that in times like this, his body is not his own anymore, and what he wants to say doesn’t come out, and what he wants to do doesn’t happen.

He can still see your silhouette under another streetlight shining, or maybe it’s just a light that follows you. And as much as he hated it, Xiaoshi had noticed that even when you beat at his chest, crying and overflowing with tears, you still felt warm. He doesn’t think he deserves to feel that warmth anymore.

v. winner, winner, chicken dinner!

You don’t know what you’re doing. Legs pressed up against your chest, you bite at your nails as your free hand hovers over the spacebar key of your laptop. The opening scene of the wretched movie ‘Say Something’ is projected across your screen and you fully intend on watching it, as much as it hurts you. A film or a memory to hold on to because Cheng Xiaoshi will not be wanting to see you anymore.

And as the film introduces its main character, Lloyd Dobler, you hate the fact that he reminds you so much of him. Just a big and strong guy that doesn’t stop chasing this girl that he likes– though you don’t think you could play the role of Diane. Not in this story.

Cheng Xiaoshi is like Lloyd Dobler in many ways. He’s not the brightest, but he’s loyal. He loves his family. He can’t keep still. In some cases, you even think he can box, too. He’s supportive of those he keeps close to him. He’d rather live in the moment, and can barely think about the future without letting his mouth run about what he thinks of his future.

And you hate that you know all this, because you still love him. You know you shouldn’t, because he practically rejected you with that last apology, but god, was it hard to hate someone like him.

He’s the golden boy. Shiny and untouchable.

You’re honestly surprised you let your feelings brew this much before realizing that he is untouchable. And it’ll always remain that way.

You’ve reached the part of the movie where Diane and Lloyd kiss after she’d led him to nearly break his nose, whispering apologies and reasons why she loves him and needs him. You ache inside. Bitter, you huff and close your laptop shut (a little too harshly) and bury your face into the covers of your bed, wanting nothing but to scream. And you do, and it creates this wet spot on your pillow but you’re too miserable to feel disgusted and wipe it away.

As much as Xiaoshi reminded you of Lloyd, he was Diane in this situation. He’d hurt you and left you to fend for yourself.

It is officially spring and a solid week before Xiaoshi plays against what might be the nation’s best high school basketball team, and he’s worried completely about something else. His arms stretch up and he shoots the firm basketball out of his palms, grimacing when it all but just bounces off the rim of the ring.

Shit.

This is not good. Why the hell was he here, anyway? He should be jogging to your house, knocking on every crevice because you’d refuse to open the front door for him. He should be climbing up to your window, looking at you with desperate eyes and tell you how much he loves you and how much he doesn’t deserve to be loved by you.

As it happens, he doesn’t believe you in fact love him. Not as much as he adores you, at least, because he finds himself utterly unlovable yet that’s the one thing he asks of you. To be loved, to be held, to be comforted and appreciated.

Xiaoshi can’t make his mind up and he’s extremely furious at himself for it. This is no love or hate situation, but he can’t help the latter. The hate. Not towards you, but towards himself. There’s no way in this world anyone could convince him he could be loved as much as he loved– and yet, you did. You convinced him one winter night, where the first snowfall had happened.

Something so sweet and innocent, ruined by tragedy and his stupidity.

“Hey.” Xiaoshi is startled out of his inattentive state with a firm hand smacked to his shoulder. “You alright, man? You aren’t looking good these days.” Though his teammate voices clear concern, it’s obvious he only cares because of an upcoming game that Xiaoshi really needs his head in the game for.

“I’m good,” Answers Xiaoshi, brushing his hand off with a hollow smile. “Just bad sleep.”

Bad sleep, his ass. Bad sleep, anyone's ass! He couldn’t get a wink of sleep because he’s always up thinking about you, about what he should have said to you on that winter night.

Cheng Xiaoshi’s chest beats erratically in his chest, and he can’t tell if it's pre-game shivers or the fact that you’re sitting on a bleacher next to Lu Guang and Qiao Ling, clad in the sweater you still haven’t returned since autumn. He hadn’t seen or talked to you since the day he tried to apologize. He was convinced you’d hate his guts– but here you were. He knows you’re not the type of person to hold an argument like that to heart, but you’d still avoided him the whole half month he tried to reach out to you in the halls or through your number.

Frankly, you don’t even know why you’re here, either. Xiaoshi had rejected you (though he really doesn’t realize you think so): shouldn’t that be enough of a hint for you to back off?

“There he is,” Qiao Ling mentions as the basketball team makes their way onto the court. As you turn to watch said team, Xiaoshi’s eyes meet yours for a brief second, and you can clearly read the surprise in them, but ignore it with thinned lips as you tear your gaze from him, electing that striking up a conversation with Lu Guang would ease the harsh thumping against your chest.

“I don’t get it; why didn’t you join the team?” You ask Lu Guang, his lowly-lidded eyes examining the opposing team. “Sure, I’m good,” He says, blunt. “But I play purely for fun. Plus, I don’t like getting too sweaty.”

“Please, don’t you know how many more people would fawn over you if they knew you were smart and skilled in sports?”

“I am not skilled in sports. Plus, that’s just more of a reason for me not to join. I don’t like people.”

Wow. A very Lu Guang thing to say coming from the boy himself.

“Aren’t they the team that made it to nationals last year?” Gasps Qiao Ling as she swings an arm around your shoulder, urging you to look with her. With your shoulder pressed against hers, you do in fact recognize the logo and jerseys from the sports channel you’d distinctly watched last year– your classmate had made you watch it with him.

Qiao Ling mutters a small, quiet curse under her breath, “You think he can beat them?”

Without a beat or a second of hesitation, you answer firmly: “Yeah.”

The older girl turns and gives you a look, and you roll your eyes at her, “I’ve seen the boy play. Surely you have, too,”

“Yeah, but, you answered in like, a heartbeat.”

“He’s like, a basketball god, Qiao Ling. He’s not the golden boy for no reason.”

You hate the fact that you admit it, even though you’ve said it nearly a million times before. Qiao Ling is about to say something, but the two, very bold, student commentators cut her sentence short with a brief introduction to the match and each team player.

Your mind blanks. You can hear cheering from both the students of your school and the opposing school. The commentators introduce their MVP first: Xiaoshi. He wears a shy smile as he jogs to the center of the court, bowing politely. You can’t help but smile a little at his bashful behavior. And for a moment, you think he looks at you. You can’t tell by the students’ waving arms in front of you nearly blocking your vision. But even if he did or not, your heart nearly pauses for a second, and your hearing becomes faded and warped– as if you were underwater.

All you can hear now is your slow breathing, your heartbeat; all you can feel is the warmth you relish in as you wear his sweater, even though it’s spring and unnecessary.

And then he takes a look at the other side of the bleachers, smiling brightly when his friends from sociology cheer his name like fanboys.

Qiao Ling comments something about the biggest player on the opposing team and you nod, though you didn’t really fully comprehend what she’d said.

Xiaoshi is completely short of breath and he hadn’t even started playing. He tries to convince himself it’s because nearly the whole crowd had cheered him on, but he knows better. The one fleeting second he had stolen just to look at you left him dazed and he doesn’t think he can play if you’re going to be looking at him like that the whole time.

Standing in the center, the match begins with a loudd whistle from the referee, andd suddenly everything around him is moving rapidly. The muscles of his legs force him to move and suddenly he’s jogging past an opponent, his arm stretching out and waving for the ball.

Every part of his body that functions right now is running off of pure adrenaline and muscle memory, his mind still in a fuzzy haze that clears slowly. He suddenly feels the rough edge of the ball in his hand. His fingers trace and grip along the leather material of the basketball, and in pure instinct, his knees bend low and his hands dribble the ball like it was as easy as breathing.

Swift and nearly too quick to miss, Xiaoshi races across the court with the ball bouncing in his hand, and he runs up to the ring, jumping and scoring a point for his team with a right hand layup.

The crowd screams. The haze that had clouded Xiaoshi’s mind fades and clears, and with a bright, toothy grin, he turns immediately to your side of the bleachers, meeting eyes with you.

You, who’s stunned and hands cover your mouth because the whole thing had happened so fast and so early within the game. You, who doesn’t look away this time, but instead cups your hands around your mouth as you shout: “Go, Cheng Xiaoshi!” You, who can’t help but let out a joyous laugh when he throws two thumbs up in the air, winking. The crowd goes wild over the sight, chanting his name over and over.

For the remainder of the match, Xiaoshi scores and scores and scores, and everytime he spins to look at you. And when you cheer for him, he feels like the energy he had just exerted throughout the game was recharged and even doubled. You look at him with a toothy grin, throwing a thumb-up at him, and he literally thinks the whole world revolves around him and the fact that you just gave him one.

There’s one last minute left of the game. The entire gymnasium is quiet, save for the players’ quick pants and sneakers squeaking under the polished wood. Your breath is bated, and you don’t know whether to watch the ball, the opponents, or Xiaoshi. The ball flies from one teammate’s grasp to another and every time it does

your fingers stretch and flinch a little and even muscle and bone in your body pauses. It’s frankly killing you.

The ball travels between at least every player on the team, until it eventually falls into the hands of Cheng Xiaoshi.

With 10 seconds to his name, the boy aims, his breath cutting short in his throat, his knees bending naturally as he prepares himself to shoot. And then his fingers flex, and the ball flies out of his hands, traveling gracefully yet painstakingly in the air. It bounces against the rim once. Then twice.

You think it’s going to bounce again one more time, but you’re wrong because Lu Guang exhales just a split second the orange leathery ball rolls through the ring. He’d known. He could tell already.

You’re shocked.

But you don’t have time to be, because after at least 5 seconds worth of silence, the entire gymnasium erupts in cheers and everyone around you is standing up, save for Lu Guang who wears a rare smile.

Qiao Ling grabs onto your arm and shakes it, jumping with her eyes shut as she yells: “Holy shit- we won!”

Holy shit. They won. We won. He won.

Grabbing onto her two hands with your own, you jump up and down with her, at some point grabbing onto Lu Guang’s hand and nearly forcing him to bounce with the both of you.

Xiaoshi, from below, watches as the three of you celebrate, his face warming when he sees you mouth the words: “Oh my god” over and over again. Although the entire team and nearly the entire student body that had come to watch rushed down to him, he had zero intentions with anyone else. All he wanted to do right now was be with you, letting you hold his hand as you tell him how crazy his last shot had been.

But he can’t, because his legs turn jelly and the adrenaline that had been piloting him the whole time is suddenly shut off. The team captain swings his arm around Xiaoshi’s shoulders, yelling, “To our MVP!” But everything feels and sounds warped to the said boy.

“Don’t miss out on the post-game party!”

Great, thinks Xiaoshi. Another party to get mad at my friends at. Though, he’s convinced even you might be there, so he might just go.

“Post-game party?” You repeat, turning to both your friends. “Are you guys going?”

“Obviously not.”

“Yeah, I am.”

Lu Guang and Qiao Ling both give each other looks due to the difference in answers, and it almost cracks you up. The girl turns to you, her expression hopeful, but you almost immediately shake your head at her, “Sorry, you know I’m not a party person.”

“But come for me!”

“I already attended this game for you!”

“Okay, fair,” Hums Qiao Ling, her finger tapping against her cheek before she sighs with a click of her tongue. “Fine, have fun, you cozy homebodies!”

“We will.” Answers Lu Guang as you both watch her walk away with a friend that had called her over. The boy turns to you, “You,” he plants his hand to your shoulder, and you almost shiver. You’d never seen this look on his face. It almost seems… conflicted. “You’d better make things right with Xiaoshi. Please. He keeps whining about trying to think of ways to make it up to you.”

“To make it up to me? I’m in the wrong here, am I not?”

“You think so?” Lu Guang’s voice is graced with slight sarcasm, and you think you like it that way. You nod, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure.”

“...this is a conversation you should be having with Xiaoshi.”

After sending you an encouraging squeeze to the shoulder and a gentle , tight-lipped smile, Lu Guang descends from the bleachers, swiping through the crowd almost too easily. You watch him, chest growing heavier yet lighter at the same time at the mere thought of talking to Xiaoshi again after months of avoiding each other and exams and basketball.

You don’t think you can bear it, frankly, but you feel like it’s a tide. It’s slow but inevitable. As you step down from the bleachers, you look back at the center of the court, where the basketball team has a brief talk with the coach, and through the many figures of his teammates, Xiaoshi still somehow meets eyes with you, his shining in something you can’t figure out yet.

You let yourself linger, counting as your heart skips a beat or two, before tearing away, heaving a sigh you hadn’t meant to hold in.

Xiaoshi’s knee jumps up and down as he can barely watch you exit the court hall, holding back a whine because his coach is taking too long in debriefing and congratulating. He wipes at his browline, looking to the ceiling lights and squinting, attempting to ease the eagerness in him to just run after you.

And then he realizes: he’d been resisting to this whole half semester, why should he now? He’s earned it.

“And don’t forget your defense transitio-”

“Hey, coach?”

Xiaoshi interjects with a finger stuck up in the air, pulling his hair back with his other palm. His teacher, a little stunned, replies with a quiet ‘yes?’ and it takes nearly everything in the boy not to jump up from his spot on the polished floors.

“I need to go to the bathroom. Like, really, really bad.”

“...right now?”

“Yes, right now. I can’t hold it in, teach,”

Well, that’s half true. The coach looks at him, slightly humored as he waves a sign of permission with the back of his palm.

Immediately, he springs up to his feet, wasting no time in sprinting straight through the door and narrowly passing students taking their time in the hall.

Xiaoshi never realized how fast you walked, because within that minute of holding back in the court, you’d made it to the gates by the time he spotted you. The place is strangely deserted, but that’s probably because everyone is taking the way behind the school to get to the post-game party in the woods. Your hands are jammed into the pouch of his hoodie and you watch your feet as you move, and anyone could tell there was something troubling you just by looking at you.

Your name is stuck in his throat. He wants to yell for you, call out to you and just grab and engulf you in his arms, but he doesn’t want to scare you. It’s 8PM and he knows how jumpy you get when you’re out at night.

Instead, he lightly jogs behind you, nimble fingers stretching out to just barely graze his hoodie you wear. Though he’d barely touched anything, you stop almost promptly, feet planted right next to each other as you listen to the sound of the soles of Xiaoshi’s shoes scraping to a stop against the pavement ground.

“...Y/N.”

The sound of your name escaping his lips makes you inhale sharply, and you’re hesitant to turn around. But you do anyway, because there’s a pulling force gravitating you towards him, like the moon and the earth. The first part of him you see are his pair of jordans, slightly worn out with a loose yarn by the tongue of the shoe. Then you spot his knees, taking notice of how they’re a little darker than the rest of his legs, littered by a scab or two. His fingers clench and unclench in fists, and his elbows nearly lift towards you, and you’d let full heartedly let him hug you– you think you want him to right now.

“Xiaoshi.” You finally breathe back, nearly everything in you shivering once you meet his gaze. He looks at you as if full of remorse and want, and it shakes something in you.

“I missed you, sweets.” He says, voice hoarse and quiet. You nearly erupt in butterflies or honey bees or whatever bug invades your stomach that he never fails to elicit in you. His fingers stretch and pause in the air for a brief moment, before they settle, your sleeve pinched between his grip. He tugs a little, just a little, and yet it feels as if that alone had brought everything pieced together– his words to you, your feelings for him, his breath fanning your forehead as he breathes out a sigh.

“I’m sorry, too.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry.” You say, but this time you look at him and you mean it and it hurts him. “I’m sorry I told you how I felt about you with no regard to how you would feel. And for calling you a liar. And a thief.” The last parts come out in a guilty whisper, like a child confessing to their wrongdoing. “You have every right to tell me to get out of your face– and your life– and to not want to speak to me ever again.”

The air is thick when you finish, but Xiaoshi doesn’t let go of your sleeve. In fact, you think he grips it tighter, now in all five fingers instead of just the two.

“Actually,” You cough. “Frankly, I’m a liar. I-I said I wasted my time waiting for you. But I was wrong. Actually, I can’t believe I ever said that. You are worth… everything. Everything this universe— and I have to offer. You give so much to this world, you’re changing lives! And nothing, and I mean nothing can ever amount to waste when it comes to you.” You look up at him, your fingers tracing around and holding his wrist.

“I’m sorry.” And though you’d already said it earlier, the sound of your voice and the look in your eyes portray the exact same kind of apology Xiaoshi had given you that night. “You are a thief, though,” You laugh through bitterness, the confused tilt of his head far too adorable for you to hate it. “You’re a dirty thief for stealing the stupid, little thing in my chest that beats only when you’re around.”

Xiaoshi’s head might just explode at the load you’d just chucked at him with your own bare fist. The feeling of your fingers loosely hanging around his wrist that grips at your hoodie prickles and gives him a small shockwave– the nice one you always give him when your skin touches his.

“...you really don’t expect me to take without giving back, do you?”

“Huh?”

Suddenly you’re wrapped in Xiaoshi’s firm grip, his arms gripping around your waist and his chin tucked right on top of the crown of your head. “You’re so stupid sometimes, Y/N.” He sighs, the vibrations of his chest as he speaks ricocheting through you like echoes.

“What is that supposed to mean?” You can’t help but argue into his clothed shoulder, drooping your arms around his chest. “That’s rich coming from Mr. 50 points on his last math quiz.”

Xiaoshi pinches your sides lightly at your quick retort and you jump with a gasp, smacking his shoulder when he laughs. His scent, his warmth, his touch. you’re so relieved to feel all again. He sways you slowly from side to side, breath steadying but his heart still beating as fast as a racer’s– and you can feel it faintly when your cheek presses up against him.

There’s nothing to stop the both of you as you hold each other close. The rays of the sun become cooler as it sets, painting the skies several hues of pink and orange. Your shoes are pressed against his, his two feet planted on either side of yours, nearly completely engulfing you in him.

“I’m so madly in love with you, Y/N,” Xiaoshi finally says, though it really just… escaped him. You freeze against him and it forces him to slow the swaying to a halt, and it scares him. Your fingers bunch into the material of his jersey and you pull away, something unreadable swimming and wavering in your eyes as you ask him, “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“You’re not telling me this because you feel like you need to like me back?”

“No, not at all.”

You want to say something, be firm with him, but your throat betrays you as you let out a broken whisper:

“You better not be playing with me right now, Cheng Xiaoshi.”

The boy’s hands, leaving your sides, trail up your neck and rest at both sides of your face, fingers pressed against the base of your jaw. His thumb swipes at your cheekbones, then the outer lines of your eyes, and then they follow the lengths of your eyebrows. His right thumb traces down your nose bridge, then presses firmly against the button of your nose, wiggling and eliciting a small breathy laugh out of you.

Then, slowly– almost too slowly–, he lets the pad of his thumb feel down the underside of your nose, then the crease above your lips. He looks at your mouth, a burning feeling of want brewing in him as he presses his lips together.

Your lips part just a little, to let out an expecting breath, then they close as you gaze up at him, your eyes watching how his scrutinizes your face.

“I love you.”

“What?”

“I love you.” Xiaoshi says again, firm this time. You give him a smile, shaking your head. “No, what?” And then it clicks. He grins, chest puffing out a little at the reference you make.

The fact that you’d still watched Say Something meant a lot to him. It proved how much of an impact your little gestures make in his life.

“I love you. How many times do I have to say it?”

“One more time would be nice.” You hum, and he laughs, pressing his forehead against yours. “I love you.” He whispers, his voice little as he relishes the feeling of your skin pressed on his.

“You’re so incredibly pretty, Y/ L/N, I could just kiss you right now.”

“You’re so incredibly pretty, Cheng Xioashi, that I might just let you.”

Oh. Xiaoshi can’t seem to believe you’d just said that. “Wh- are you- are you sure? I mean, after all I’ve done– I stood you up! I ghosted you for half a semester. I don’t think it’s right. For me. To have the pleasure of planting my lips to yours. Frankly, I wouldn’t even want to kiss a guy who- oh!”

Seemingly growing tired of his rambling, your hand presses against his cheek and you stand on the tips of your toes to give him a gentle kiss, his lips molding to yours almost immediately. He smiles and when you pull away, he’s quick to pull you close by the neck, kissing you again, then again, then again.

His lips, though you’d imagined they’d be scorched and hot, are warm. Not temperature wise, but warm in an inviting way, like toasted marshmallows in hot chocolate. Or like fresh burritos in autumn. Or like the summer sun where you share a milkshake in the outdoor canteen. Like home.

Xiaoshi hums when he manages to steal you with a kiss again, and you can’t help but grin against him, murmuring against his lips, “You’re so stupid.”

“I’m your stupid.” He shoots back, lips chasing yours when you finally part from him. You bring a hand up to his mouth and it’s moist and warm, “Give me a break! We need to breathe, Xiaoshi,”

In response, he breathes out a heavy sigh, the weight on his back he’d carried for two months vanishing as he melts into your shoulder. “You don’t understand how lucky I am to be with you right now.”

“I’m not all that special-”

“You are! It may not seem like it to you, but to me, you’re everything. My energy, my breath, my best friend. Or, maybe, a little more than that, if you wanted to…?” He trails off nervously, facing down and planting his lips on your shoulder, which you find endearing. “I’m sorry I didn’t show up that night. I was forced to go to this party and I ended up pissing some of my friends and to add to all of that I pissed you off. And- and all I had to say to your confession was ‘I’m sorry’. ‘I’m sorry’!?” He pulls away, hands grabbing yours tightly.

“Who even says that!? Frankly, I’m surprised you didn’t punch me right then and there. I’m- I’m such an ass when it comes to stuff like this, ‘m sorry.”

“Hey!” You gasp, interlacing your fingers with his. “That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about!” You cough, “That is, uh, if you want to be my boyfriend.”

Xiaoshi, now beaming, flushes a bright pink, but he can’t bring himself to care when his arms wrap around you and you laugh into his chest as he squeezes you almost inhumanly tight. “‘M sorry, sweets, I’m so difficult.” He mumbles in your hair. “I’ve never really done anything like this.”

“Neither have I, big guy.” You let out a shaky sigh. “But I have faith in us. We’ll figure it out, right?”

Xiaoshi leans back and presses his forehead to yours, your nose brushing up against his affectionately. “Right.”

Summertime is a time of new opportunities. New year, new experiences, new companions. And though the warmth of summer doesn’t seem to stay all year long, it’ll always come back, just as fresh and welcoming. The fleeting moments of your first encounter with Xiaoshi will forever hold a place in your heart, as will the season of summer.

And as debatable as it is, the best moments in your life are aestival. Born and belonging in the summer.

to all the link click readers out there, and to boba bub.

#♪ mari writes!#link click #link click x reader #cheng xiaoshi x reader #xiaoshi x reader #link click imagines #cheng xiaoshi imagines #xiaoshi imagines #shiguang daili ren #shiguang daili ren x reader #shiguang daili ren imagines #lu guang x reader #lu guang imagines #qiao ling x reader #qiao ling imagines #aaa i did it!!!

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ivorryskies · 2 months

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ˏˋ°•*⁀➷Prompt: Think I'll miss you forever, Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky, Later's better than never, Even if you're gone I'm gonna drive -Lana Del Rey

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Felix's Note: guess who's back 😭 I'm so sorry for my absence but I'm back! Delivering another fic for y'all! Enjoyyy <3

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷Pairings: Dazai x fem!reader

Summertime Sadness

Tears fell from your face on the floor as it felt as if your eyes were weighing you down. Your arms were locked around the man in front of you, your lips never leaving his as if it were the last time you'd kiss him. Who knew, it may be true?

That thought haunted you every night. It was the night before the plan would commence, to stop fyodor, and it required having dazai captured in meursault. You knew he was smart enough to not die, he was smart enough to know what he's doing...right? You didn't want to think about it. And that's how you were caught up in the situation right now, him whispering reassuring words to you soothing you hair, his heart also unsure of the outcome.

You sat in a red dress that Dazai loved so much in the comfort of your own home, the tv was on but you couldn't get yourself to focus on it, you dialed Dazais number knowing he wouldn't pick up, his phone was confiscated after all, but it wouldn't hurt sending him voicemails on how good or bad your day has been. His absence affects you more then you anticipated. You just wanted him back, back at the agency slacking off work like he used to, getting scolded by Kunnikida only to spend time with you, you just wanted him back with you.

It hadn't even been a day since he left and you were already feeling the summertime sadness. You remembered the way he held you in his arms before leaving. His seat reassurances nothing but sugar coating the bitterpill. What if he never came back? What if Fyodor manages to outsmart him? Will you ever get the same comfort you did in his arms? Will you ever get to see the same laugh again the way he did? Will you get to stare at his once lifeless eyes, that were now filled with hope? Will you ever see him again?

While he watched the race in front of him awaiting his arrest, all he could think of was you. The way you held him, the way you gave him hope, the way you proved to him someone could love a person like him, the way you taught him that he is worthy of love too. He waited and waited until it was showtime, he was cuffed, he bid you farewell one last time in his thoughts and focused on the disaster in front of him now. But oh so he did miss the warmth of your embrace when he would rest, he missed the daily scoldings by you, he missed the way you showed him he was a human. Being far away from it made him come to reality again, that he is who he was.

3 days passed that neither you or Dazai spent time not thinking about each other. He was more caught up in the task before him, so he felt upset he couldn't think about you, while you wished you would stop thinking about him. You distracted yourself by many things, you cleared your head, but nothing could fill that feeling in your heart that something is missing. You think you'll miss him forever... Just like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky. Even in his absence you continued on with your life, it was the only way to distract yourself from him and your constant over thinking.

One afternoon, you got a call from Atsushi while you were lying in your bed. You wished that call was about Dazais safe arrival and picked it up. You greeted him in a soft voice before a familiar tone from behind the phone started speaking. "Open the door love". You didn't waste a second, you recognized that voice, you could never forget it, you could recognize this voice from miles away, you rushed out of your room to the front door and stood in front of it for a few seconds before swinging it open. There he was, the same man who you spent days worrying about standing before you. He had more bandaged than usual if that was even possible, and he was still in his prison uniform but your Dazai non the less. He gave you a tired smile and opened his arms.

Immediately you ran into them and took him in a warm hug. It was a hug you didn't want to let go of. This time again your eyes weighed you down but not because of worry or sadness but happiness and relief. You slowly and reluctantly pulled away from him and looked at him, you looked at his eyes again the same ones that you missed. As your own eyes trailed to his lips and took him in a kiss again. He wrapped his arms around your back pulling you close afraid of letting you go again. He rest burried his head in the crook of your neck before breathing in your scent and sighed. Both of you sharing this moment in silence and connected with the same happiness and relief .

#dazai imagine #bsd imagine #bsd #bsd scenarios #bungo stray dogs #dazai x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs dazai #bsd imagines #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bsd x female reader #dazai x you #dazai x fem reader

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ram-bam-writes · 18 days

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RHO (Ridin’ Him Out) Pt. 2 [Hangman x NB Reader]

A/N: No apologies. Some plot. Mostly horny thoughts :>

Word Count: 2233

CW: Smut (explicit), fingering, semi-public fucking, truck kink, piv (wrap before tap), slight degradation, no beta we die like goose, etc

“Hey Hangman!”

You peek up from your kindle to see Bradley grinning up at your boyfriend, two rusted axes he’d taken from Mav a while back in his hands. Your boyfriend, without even hesitating, stands up and strips off his flannel, stomping confidently over to his opposing pilot. Wild smirk and all, he takes one of them and spins it far too dangerously in his hands.

Everyone had just gotten finished setting up the camping lot. Bob and Nat had set up a small patio-like area right outside of their trailer with large tables, since they’d focus on being the dining area for the trip. Meanwhile, Bradley and his partner used their trailer area for the outdoor games and campfire as the lounge area. Rueben and Mickey set up their tent a few yards away from you and Jake’s truck, which, in your opinion, was far too grand for a simple camping trip. To each their own. Javy brought a more modest tent, something simple to share with his partner and their pup.

You and Jake had settled for a simple truck bed tent. It was easy, and you liked the coziness of it. After all, you had two other trailers to hang out in during the day if you needed, so you both only needed the tent for sleep. It came with a zippered entrance and a zippered top. The top would unzip to a mesh window, something Jake had gushed about the moment he saw it. He loved sleeping under the stars, and so did you.

Now, you and the rest of the group sit underneath the patio of Nat and Bob’s trailer. The sun is still pretty high despite it being 20:00, but it seems Bradley wants to show off to his sweetheart, and there’s no doubt Jake wishes to do the same to you. Had Javy not just gotten back from medical leave due to a dislocated shoulder, he probably would have joined.

If only Jake knew what it would lead to…

You’re practically drooling as Jake’s sweat runs down his toned body. His hair is disheveled as he runs his fingers through the dirty blond locks, a lazy grin on his flushed face. He swings the axe again, breaking apart the pre-chopped logs Javy had agreed to bring.

“Likin’ the view, sweetheart?” Your boyfriend asks in that all too familiar teasing tone.

You could only whistle, throat too dry to produce an audible sound. The way his fingers curled around the axe, and — gods — the way he grit his teeth as he swung it once again… It made you squirm in your seat, eyes already glossing over as you licked your lips.

For the next 30 minutes you were greeted with the hot sight of your boyfriend’s muscles straining and tensing as he and Bradley battled it out. Eventually there was no wood left, and the two agreed a reluctant tie for the competition of who could go longest.

“Alright, alright… a tie.” Bradley offered his hand with a lazy grin, Jake shaking it with a more arrogant one.

“For now…”

Jake plopped back on the camping chair next to yours, his hand immediately coming down to clasp around your thigh. The action made you jump, eyes widening as a quiet gasp fell from your lips. Your boyfriend raised a brow at you. His brows twitch as he process your reaction, and in half a second, his lips brush against your ear.

“Don’t tell me you’re fucked-up already, darlin’…” His voice is practically a damn purr.

You push him away, desperate to keep your sanity for the time being, especially when Bob’s eyes flick to Nat’s for help as she snickers quietly. Nat had always been the one to catch onto these sorts of things, and she could do it for Bradley and his partner, too.

——

“That wasn’t fair, y’know…” You pouted, climbing up into the tent that rests atop the muddy Ram truck.

“Mmm… I never said I’d go easy on you. C’mon, darlin’, you can last a few more days, can’t you?”

You could only huff in response, quickly changing into something more comfortable before settling down. You watch as your boyfriend’s eyes glitter when he sees you, a challenging look in them. You know that look all too well…

You opt to fling his sleep shirt at him, muttering an on-brand, “Fuck you,” all the while.

He zips the tent up behind himself, making a loud thud as he drops to his elbows next to you. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was exhausted. Alas, you did know him better, and can only mentally die when you hear those heavy breaths fall from his mouth.

You tried your hardest not to think about the rough surface beneath the blanket you lay on. If you thought any harder about it, you might actually combust. His truck, his brand-new, stupid fucking truck. The one that’s as beefy as any military-grade vehicle and as loud as any military jet. The one he treats just as roughly as he treats you in bed, leaving an equal amount of mess on both.

He had no right to get that truck. No right at all. But you couldn’t argue with him when he pulled into the driveway of your apartment, a lazy, confident smirk filling out his features. He pulled the classic move of leaning against the truck’s door, arms crossed to give his biceps a chance to flex right in your face. If that wasn’t enough, he hadn’t changed out of his Navy Khaki’s, toothpick between his lips and aviators on his face.

He knew what he was doing.

Every ride since then had been the same. His hands squeezing your thigh, fleeting glances here and there, all too teasing comments out of the blue. That man was conditioning you — and fuck if it wasn’t working. Before you knew it, your thighs would clench the moment you got into his truck, mouth salivating simply at the sight of the bed. Your mind wouldn’t give you rest, not when he revved the engine and let you feel the bass against your seat. Not when he’d play the heaviest, dirtiest songs and drive down an old dirt road, watching your eyes glaze over and your mouth part in the prettiest of sounds.

Fuck it.

Your hands slam against the bed of his truck, and you used the force to push you up and over until your thighs are firmly planted on either sides of his hips. He made this problem, and he’d sure as hell fix it.

“There’s my pretty thing…” He purrs, hands firm on your hips as he bucks up into you.

You mewl a pretty, breathy sound, eyes fluttering as you flop against his chest. The little energy you had to climb him has been spent, leaving your hands to rest against his chest and claw at his faded Navy shirt. Your mouth presses firmly against his neck, and his hand grips your scalp and pushes you further. The man always has a thing for marks, especially on his own body.

“C’mon, hun… show ‘em fuckers what you can do…” His hips grind against yours, other hand snaking around your waist to ease you into a steady rhythm.

He yanks your head back, releasing your scalp to press two fingers in between your lips. You eagerly suck the digits, far too used to the motion to think. All that runs through your mind is the haze of pleasure and the scent of sex already thick in the tent. Your tongue laps eagerly at those thick fingers, eyes rolling at the salty taste that coats them.

The hand around your waist strips you of your pajama bottoms, easily slipping off your underwear and holding you against himself. His hands swap places, tugging them away from from your mouth to see the spit drip down your lips.

“So messy…”

His dry fingers focus on that pleasure spot between your thighs, long strokes up and down just to tease. Edging that pleasure, keeping you high on your toes and drunk off your mind. And when his mouth wraps around your soft, perky nipples, the howl you let out might truly be mistaken for a jackal by the team.

It takes a moment for your clouded, pleasure-filled mind to recognize the movements of his tongue. But when you feel the pattern of letters, you nearly cum right then and there. The pilot makes a mess of your chest, never relenting his sucks and licks and certainly never easing up on his strokes.

He releases your nipple with a sweet pop, eyes glittering dangerously. “Gotta be quiet, hun… don’t want the team peeking in, do ya?”

Fuck if that didn’t make you twitch.

“Perv…” He hisses, nipping your neck and forcing your head close to his chest with his dry hand, ignoring your hips for now. “My pretty, filthy little perv…”

You don’t get a chance to react. Before you know it, your face meets the cold bed of his truck. You hadn’t even noticed that he’d moved the blanket, but fuck if it wasn’t sexy as all hell to be forced against it. The cool metal shines from your spit.

“I know all about your little kink, darlin’…” Jakes fingers prod at your tight hole, slipping one finger in before curling it. “Can’t wait to finish this fucking trip… can’t wait to figure out how many damn ways I can fuck you in, on, and against this goddamn RHO…”

Tears pool on your lashes at his words, oh so humiliating yet oh so hot. He knocks the wind out of you not a second later, three fingers working to open you up, dragging against that pad of nerves deep within you. You fight against his hand to throw your head back and cry from the pleasure, but you’re left with your cheek firm against the truck bed, drool and tears pooling.

He feels the warmth of your insides clamping down on his fingers, that telltale warning you always give when you’re close. But you don’t get release just yet. No, he has other plans for you. You don’t fight when he hauls you up and onto your back. He’s rock hard because of you, dragging his wet tip against you before pressing an inch inside of you.

He always goes slow with you when he starts. The last thing he wants is to genuinely injure you. But once he’s in, once he recognizes that movement of your shoulders falling lax and walls easing up…

He goes fucking feral.

One arm holds Jake upright, his chest firm against yours to keep you pinned. The other if keeping your head pressed against his neck, lips stretching into a smile as he feels your familiar bites. You bite him, and you bite him hard. If he doesn’t bleed, he’ll sure as hell bruise. The thought makes his cock twitch, dragging the thickness in and out of you, veins pulsing against your walls.

Your head spins, eyes rolled back as you babble incoherently. Nothing else mattered but the feel of his cock inside of you, that familiar warmth sending your mind into a frenzy. You pant and cry like a hound, the sweet sounds muffled by his sweat-slick skin.

“That’s it baby… that’s it, c’mon… c’mon darlin’…” He licks and nips your earlobe, pants and moans falling from his own lips.

And you’re so close. So, so fucking close. All you want is to have him cum deep inside of you — to fill you up and mark you as his. To feel the thick wetness spill out from your roughed-up hole, to feel his tongue clean you up.

But he doesn’t give that to you. Not quite.

“Cum for me, hun… cum all over my fucking truck…”

He works you until you cum, wetness pooling beneath you on the black metal of his truck. And instead of summing inside of you like you so often to and he so often complies, he pulls out and lets his white-hot ropes spill out freely. Some of the sticky mess coats your thighs and abused hole, but most land on the metal beneath you.

You gasp, eyes glazed over as your head spins. Not only has your orgasm been ripped out of you like a goddamn pull-tab, but you’re flipped onto your belly before you get a chance to recover. You glance up to see him smirking down at you, a newer, more dangerous look in his eyes. His grip tightens in your scalp, the muscles in his arms flexing as he does so.

“Clean up your mess, you nasty little perv…” He purrs, pushing you down roughly until your lips hover over the mix of cum that coats his truck. “Clean your mess like a good little fuck…”

——

Bonus:

Nat is the first to speak the following morning when Jake slips out of the tent, you still sound asleep. Her eyes focus on glaring at your boyfriend. “Y’know… the RHO is soundproof. Just for reference.”

Rueben exhales deeply, rubbing the sleep from his face as he sits next to an equally exhausted Javy.

“Please use that tip. Mick’ is the only one with noise-cancelling headphones…”

The shit-eating grin your boyfriend has for the rest of the trip is unlike any of his smirks you’ve seen before.

#hangman x reader #top gun hangman #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin smut #hangman smut #top gun fanfic #top gun smut #jake hangman seresin #top gun x reader

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builtbybrokenbells · 11 months

Text

Fade Into You

A particularly bad day leaves y/n yearning for nothing other than the comfort of her boyfriend, Danny. Without question, he comes to the rescue where need be and makes sure she knows just how loved she is. With his help, she begins to see that bad days don’t last forever, especially with a boyfriend like him by her side.

listen while reading: fade into you - mazzy star

Pairing: Danny Wagner x f!reader

Word Count: 6k

Warnings: not too much for this one! bad day angst, mentions of depression/anxiety, swearing, smidgen of drinking, mostly just fluff!! sorry if i miss any!

hey, so this is a short little draft i kind of rewrote today. no smut in this one, just fluff. I’ve been having a particularly rough time the last few days, so it’s kind of a pick-me-up, i guess. boyfriend danny fucks me up fr. drew some inspo from one of my fav sad songs, cause it’s got such a variety of interpretations. also this is very poorly edited and probably not the best, so please forgive me. as always, hope you enjoy, please be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻

The morning came like a river of discomfort. When your eyes focused for the first time after a long nights rest, you were met with an empty space next to you in bed. The sight sent a wave of disappointment washing over you. Many mornings ago, you’d become certain that there was no better sight than waking to your boyfriend sleeping soundly. Days where he was gone before you were always miserable, and this one was shaping up to be as such. You didn’t have time to dwell on his absence; the next thing to catch your attention was the sun shining just a little too brightly in the sky. Once you clued in to the unusual scene, a jolt of panic ran through you. You you reached for your phone to check the time, but you were quite aware of what you were going to discover. While your thumb prodded the screen, trying to awaken it, you were already swinging your legs over the side of the mattress to get up.

Your screen displayed the time as 8:30; an hour later than you were supposed to be waking up. Your alarm hadn’t gone off, and you only had a half an hour to get ready and drive to work. There was enough time to brush your teeth and wash your face, and in your rush, you managed to make a big enough cup of coffee to get you started in lieu of breakfast. As hungry as you were, you knew you’d need the caffeine more than anything. By the time you were out the door, you had maybe ten minutes to get to your job, and even that was a generous time frame. It was a miserable way to start a Friday, you concluded. No joy for the weekend was present, just annoyance at how the morning had begun.

The drive was a blur; you pushed the boundaries of the speed limit the entire time, laser focused on the clock as if your staring would change the time. Between slow drivers and stop lights, there was no way you could avoid being late. When you pulled into your parking spot, the vehicle was barely in park before you were gathering your things and jumping out. In reality, you weren’t dramatically late, but you knew your boss all too well to think you could get away with missing even a few minutes of work. As you placed your items on your desk, your worry was solidified when your name was called from the door of your office.

“Y/n, you know we don’t tolerate this kind of behaviour.” He said, a disapproving tone very apparent.

“I know, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” You said, logging into your computer as you sat down.

“Next time I’ll have to write it up. I’ll let you go with a warning.”

“Thank you.” You looked up over your laptop, managing a small smile.

“I don’t want to have to dock your pay, but I will if this becomes a regular issue.” He explained, leaving you to sit with the information. He closed the door behind him as he walked out.

“Dick,” you mumbled, taking a sip out of your mug.

They morning dragged on without much interruption, filled mostly with mind-numbing reports and the occasional email filtering through your inbox. You couldn’t seem to shake yourself from the poor mood, finding it growing worse with each second that passed. By the time noon rolled around, you were all but focused on work, and your stomach was begging you for a bite to eat. You grabbed your phone and keys, making your way outside for a minute of freedom. You hoped the hour would allow you to rid yourself of the cloud of darkness that was looming over your head.

You climbed into your car and checked your phone, but you were met with another staggering disappointment. No text messages were received from the one person you’d hoped to hear from, so you clicked on his contact. Instead of waiting on a word from him, you called him, first. The phone rang for a moment, leaving you wondering if he was going to answer. As you listened to the dial tone, anxiety bubbled in your chest, fearing that you were interrupting something important. Just as you were getting ready to hang up, his cheery voice filled the stale air.

“Hi, beautiful.” Danny greeted. You could hear the smile in his words. His cheery tone eased your worry of him not wanting to talk to you. As ridiculous as the fear was, your brain wouldn’t give it up. You were constantly nervous that you were interrupting, or being a burden, and days like this one only made your brain scream it even louder.

“Hi,” You sighed, feeling your lips upturn into a little grin. It was the first time you’d done anything but frown all day. You slipped your car keys into the ignition, allowing your call to connect to the Bluetooth feature. “I miss you.” You said, unable to hold the confession back.

“I miss you,” He replied, sincerity dripping from his tone. “You okay?” He knew you well enough to tell your mood just from the tone of voice. He was nothing if not attentive, and always willing to listen if you wanted to air out your thoughts.

“No.” You were honest. “I was late to work. Slept in.” You explained as you pulled out of the parking lot. He knew all too well how you felt about your boss, not needing to ask about his reaction. “I think it’s just another one of those days,” you mumbled. He gave a hum of understanding, also aware of how much your bad days could affect you. “Any chance you can meet me for lunch? I know it’s a long shot, but I could really use a hug.” You felt guilty for even asking, but you couldn’t help it. He was your comfort person, and he always seemed to make the bad feelings go away.

“I’m sorry, baby. I would if I could, but we’re at the studio right now. We have a meeting right after we finish up, too.” He sounded sad for having to turn you down, almost making you feel even worse for asking. You hated when was upset, and knowing that he was upset on behalf of how you were feeling didn’t make it any better.

“That’s okay,” you knew it was a big ask, and you also knew he would absolutely be on his way if the situation allowed it. “I’m okay with just hearing your voice.”

“Promise I’ll make it up to you tonight?” He asked, hopeful.

“Don’t have to make it up to me.” You laughed. “It’s not your fault.”

“I’ll bring home dinner, and we can do whatever you want.” He told you, not willing to bargain.

“Okay.” You conceded, pulling into a cafe you frequented.

“I’m sorry I was gone before you woke up. We wanted to get here early so we could get as much done as possible.”

“I know, you don’t have to apologize, baby.” You repeated your earlier reassurance, hating the fact that he always felt like he had to apologize, even when there was nothing to apologize for. You never wanted him to feel remorseful over things he couldn’t control. He put so much effort into you and your happiness, but for some reason it seemed like he felt the need to give even more. “As long as I get you all to myself tonight, I don’t care.” You parked, unbuckling your seatbelt.

“You can always have that, bug. I’m all yours, remember?” He assured you. You smiled at the words, eternally grateful to have someone as kind as him.

“I’m gonna go eat, I won’t keep you any longer. I love you.”

“I love you, baby. I can’t wait to see you later.” The sincerity was thick in his tone, wanting you to know he meant it. “I hope your afternoon goes better than the morning.”

“I can’t wait either, and I hope you have a good day, too.” You smiled. You two uttered a small goodbye, ending the call without another word.

You went into the small shop, thankful for the short line. You gazed up at the menu, pondering what to get. As you stared, your mind drifted off to the boy you’d just been on the phone with. He was your rock, your best friend, and the love of your life; the only thing that gave you true motivation to get through the shitty days. The bad days didn’t come often, but when they did, they were horrid. It was never a just minor incident that caused a disturbance, it always seemed to be written in the stars that everything that could go bad, went badly. When the cashier called you over to order, you settled on another coffee and a sandwich.

After you paid, you made sure to leave a nice tip, hoping that the universe would send some good karma back your way. You moved over to the waiting area, pulling your phone from your pocket to pass the time. When you clicked it on, you immediately relaxed at the sight of your screensaver. It was a picture Sam had sneakily taken of you and Danny; you were looking off in the distance, completely taken off guard when your boyfriend had snuck up behind you and pulled you into a hug. His lips were pressed to your cheek and you were caught in a shriek of laughter. It was your favourite photo to ever exist, and it always made your day better when you saw it.

You’d been dating Danny for a few years now, having moved in together just about a year prior. It had been nothing short of fantastic, aside from the times he was travelling for his career in music. The big home was a bit lonely without him, but you were more than happy to watch him live his dream. There was rarely an argument, and your life was completely filled with love. Still, that didn’t rid your life of days like today, where you couldn’t find it in yourself to see the brighter side of things. Unfortunately, there was nothing in the world that could. Bad days were normal, and everyone had them, but it always felt like yours were catastrophic. They were the type of bad days that made you want to crawl into bed and never leave, plagued with the kind of misery that ached all over and settled deep in your bones.

Danny was like a ray of light, the only aura that could penetrate the cloud of emotion you found yourself caught in. He was well aware he couldn’t solve the issues, but was completely content with just guiding you through it. He did a fantastic job, showering you with love and support. He always quick with positive affirmations in argument to your insecurities, and if words couldn’t help, he was happy to hold you all night if it meant you would feel better. He was beyond anything you ever could have hoped for in a partner, and you were incredibly lucky to have him. At the same time, it sucked that he was the only thing that could truly help you in your bad times, because that meant you had to suffer through until you could see his smiling face. You were sure now that he was aware of the mood you were in, he’d use every spare second of time to send you messages reminding you of how much he adored you.

The barista called your name for the order, catching your attention. You have a half-assed smile and a thank you, reaching out to grab your drink. When you wrapped your hands around it and pulled it towards you, the force from your fingers knocked the poorly secured lid off. The flimsy cardboard cup collapsed inwards, spilling the contents down the front of you. You hissed at the heat from the liquid, closing your eyes at the burning sensation. “Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” The barista blurted out, scrambling for napkins. She handed them across the counter and you grabbed them, dabbing at your clothes. Thankfully, they were black, so the liquid wouldn’t stain them.

“No, it’s okay. It’s not your fault.” You assured her.

“I should have checked the lid.” She sighed. “I’ll get you another one.” She told you before bustling away. You cleaned yourself up as best you could, knowing the thin paper napkins weren’t much of a help. You prayed you had a change of clothes in your car, but didn’t hold onto too much hope. You never seemed to have that type of luck in your life. When your replacement drink was safely in your hand, you mumbled another thank you and quickly bustled out the door to avoid any further embarrassment.

You scavenged your backseat for any other clothes, but you were quickly met with disappointment. You got in the drivers seat, fighting back tears, realizing that the day was not going to get any better. As you drove back to work, your skin was tingling with residual pain, and you wished for nothing more than to just go home. You walked back inside with your head down and your lunch in your hands, praying nobody would stop you and try to spark a conversation. When you got to your office, you closed the door behind you and collapsed into your chair, defeated from the days events. You noticed that your phone was vibrating in your pocket again, and your stomach was still growling with violent hunger.

As you began to eat, you read over the texts you’d received. The first was from Danny, telling you how much he loved you in addition to a plethora of hearts. The rest were from his bandmates, all along the same lines of them wishing you a good day and telling you they missed you. Danny had likely told them you were having a bad day, urging them to show you some love, too. They were nothing short of your best friends, and they always wanted to play a helping hand in making you feel better, so they obliged without issue. You replied to all of them as you ate, finding yourself giving a few genuine smiles at their uplifting words.

When your break finished, you returned to work with a steady eye on the time, praying for 5 o’clock to come faster. The afternoon dragged on much like the morning, still feeling like every minute was passing slower and slower. Eventually, when four thirty hit, you started to pack up your bag in anticipation to leave. Five minutes before your shift was through, you logged out of your accounts and gathered your things. Just as you were starting to shut your computer down, a knock sounded on your door. “Come in.” You called. Soon after, the door swung open and your boss appeared with a stack of files. You tried your best to push a smile out to cover up your grimace.

“It’s your turn to do the month-end report.” He said, placing the papers on your desk. You were certain you had done it not too long ago, leading you to believe this was his punishment for you coming in late. You sucked in a breath through your gritted teeth, nodding in response.

“Okay, I’ll get it done Monday.” You said, grabbing the files and placing them in your desk.

“Perfect. See you Monday at nine!” He made sure to emphasize the time before leaving you to yourself. You grumbled a slur of curses before locking your desk drawers and throwing your office keys in your purse. You stood, double checking that you had everything before heading out of the building.

It was raining, now. The grey clouds in the sky had a striking resemblance to your mood. You unlocked your car and threw your stuff on the passenger seat as you climbed in. When you turned the key in the ignition, the engine turned over, but didn’t start. You felt your stomach sink, immediately trying it once more, but you were met with the same result. You let your hand fall with force against the steering wheel, letting out a short-lived scream. The tears you managed to hold back earlier made their way out with a new found force. You fell back into the seat, closing your eyes while you tried to regain yourself.

After a moment, you pulled out your phone and called Danny again. This time, he answered much faster. “Hey, baby, you on your way home?”

“No,” you tried to keep your voice steady, but he could tell you were crying just from the single word.

“What’s wrong?”

“Car won’t start.” You mumbled. “Think the battery’s dead.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m on my way home, not far from you, actually. I think I have some cables in the back.” He explained. You let out a sigh of relief, wiping away tears. Although it was a pointless effort, because they were falling faster than you could keep up with. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Thank you.” You sniffled. “I’m sorry.”

“What are you saying sorry for, bug?” You felt overwhelmed at his never-ending kindness, feeling deep down that you weren’t deserving of it.

“Making you stop, bothering you all day, being sad.” You gave a small, humourless chuckle as you listed the inconveniences.

“Don’t think any of that is deserving of an apology. Having to stop only means I get to see you, sooner. And, you haven’t been bothering me at all.” You could almost hear the frown in his voice, although his tone was comforting. “You never bother me. You’re my favourite thing in the whole world.”

“I just want to go home and go to bed.” You said, feeling another wave of sobs wash over you. You were distraught enough that you couldn’t even respond to his sweet words. “I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”

“I know, bug. I’m pulling in, now. Can you see me?” You looked to the entry of the parking lot, and sure enough, he was there. He pulled up beside you, giving you a goofy smile and a wave. You couldn’t help but laugh through the tears. The sight of him alone was enough to ease the hurt. He rolled his passenger window down, prompting you to roll yours down, too. He ended the call before he spoke. “Hello, beautiful. Fancy meeting you here.”

“Hi,” you greeted, sending him a smile. He climbed out of his vehicle, walking over to your window. He reached in, immediately wiping the tears away from your face.

“No need to cry over a dead battery. Easy fix.” He assured you. He leaned in, giving you a quick kiss. You felt the dread fizzle away, immediately feeling better at the small gesture. “You smell like coffee.” He noted.

“Long story.” You sighed, taking in the sight of him. He was in a cut off t-shirt and jeans, and his hair was pulled back into a bun. He looked tired, but had a permanent smile stuck on his lips. He was gorgeous, even in the simplicity. You thought it would be impossible for someone to be more beautiful than him.

“Care to share?” He asked as he opened the back door of his car. He pulled out a set of jumper cables in triumph, turning to show you. His proud expression was adorable, sending a flood of warmth straight to your heart. His willingness to help was overwhelming in the best possible way. You’d never met someone who cared for you so much, let alone someone who seemed so happy to do so.

“Spilled my drink all over me at the cafe earlier.” You told him, watching him move to the hood of his car. He lifted it, propping it up. He walked over and did the same to yours.

“You’re supposed to drink it, not wear it, silly.” He made a lighthearted pass. “Did it burn you?”

“It hurt, but I don’t think it left any marks or anything. Don’t really feel it, now.” He connected the cables carefully, making sure they were on in the right spots.

“Well that’s good at least, bug. Try starting it now.” He took a step back. You turned the keys over, and the engine sputtered for a moment, but eventually started. You let out a sigh of relief. He removed the cables and threw them back in his car. You left yours running, but got out to join him. “See? Easy fix. Should charge itself on the drive home.” He hummed, holding his arms out to you. You practically fell into them, holding on to him as if your life depended on it. You didn’t care about the rain, just about finally being able to hug him. Everything felt okay when he was holding you. He placed a kiss on the top of your head, gently rubbing his palm over your back.

“You’re the best, Danny. Thank you so much.” You said, fully meaning it. He was the best, you were certain of it. “I love you.” You mumbled, words muffled due to your face being pressed into his chest.

“You’re welcome, baby. I love you, too.” He didn’t let you go until you were ready. Eventually you pulled back, looking up at him with nothing but adoration in your eyes. “I picked up dinner. Your favourite.” He gave a smile, reaching up and brushing your hair from your face. He cupped your cheek in his large hand, causing you to instinctively lean into the touch.

“You’re too good to me.” You closed your eyes, savouring the feeling of his skin on yours.

“As if,” he let out a playful scoff. “Get in, you’re gonna get sick if you stand out in the rain for too long.” He said. You gave a nod, reluctantly pulling back from him. He leaned down, giving you one last kiss before opening your car door for you. “I’ll see you at home.” He said as he closed the door behind you. “Drive safe.”

“You, too. Thank you again.” He waved you off, not willing to accept a thank you for such a small service. He waited for you to pull out and leave before getting back into his vehicle.

The drive home was much better than the rest of your day. Knowing you would get to spend the rest of the night alone with Danny was enough of a consolation for the days suffering. The idea alone was even able to put you in good spirits, finding yourself able to sing along with a few songs on the radio. When you reached your shared home, you parked and hopped out, eager to get inside and get your coffee-stained clothes off. You weren’t even in the house before Danny was driving in, too. You waited for him to join you, watching him as he collected his things. “You threw a hitch in my plan.” He laughed, peeking at you over the roof of his car. You raised an eyebrow as an inquiry. “My big romantic gesture relied on me being home before you.” He explained. You noticed a tinge of red plaster across his cheeks. He pulled out a bouquet of flowers and a little stuffed animal. A box of chocolates was hidden behind the bear, too.

“Danny,” You scolded, feeling your eyes brim with tears again. Although, they were happy ones, this time. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to, baby. It’s not much, but I hope it helps a little bit.” You walked over to him, straining a bit to place a kiss to his cheek. Even with your heels on, he was still a little too tall to reach. “You deserve it. I, uh, got your favourite wine, too. I figured it’s Friday, so…” the dreaded tears ran down your face again, making him nervous that he may have done the wrong thing. “I’m sorry, was it stupid? I just wanted to cheer you up.”

“No! No, I just… I appreciate you. You’re too good to me.” You wiped your cheeks with the back of your hand, trying to compose yourself again.

“I don’t think I could ever be too good to you. You deserve the world.” He leaned down, pressing his lips to yours.

“Thank you so much.” You said as he pulled away.

“You’re welcome, bug. Here,” he handed you the flowers and the bear. You took them, looking over them in gratitude. He grabbed the bag of takeout and the bottle of wine, closing the door with his foot. You both made your way inside, kicking your shoes off and going straight to the kitchen. He placed everything he was carrying on the table and grabbed the stuff from your hands. “Go take a shower, I’ll take care of everything else.” You gave him a soft smile, taking the opportunity to pull him into another hug.

“You’re the best.” You told him, making sure your poor mood didn’t cloud your appreciation.

“Only for you.” He whispered. You almost laughed at the statement.

“Whatever,” you pulled back, looking up at his smiling face. “You’re a ray of sunshine no matter where you go. You know that.”

“Yeah, but I shine the brightest for you.” He reminded. He lifted your chin with his index finger, leaning down for one more kiss before you left.

After you showered, you changed into one of Danny’s t-shirts and a pair of your most comfortable old pyjama pants that you’d word almost to destruction. When you joined him back downstairs, he’d put the flowers in a vase turned all of the lights off. In the living room, you could hear the soft hum of the record player. You followed the sound, seeing him sitting on the couch with the coffee table pulled close. The takeout containers were resting atop of it, with two glasses of wine accompanying them. He had changed, too, now only in a pair of sweatpants. His hair was still tied back, giving you a full view of his face. He’d even lit a few candles around the room, giving some low light after he’d closed the curtains. His lips upturned into a smile at the sight of you

“Come here,” he held his hand out to you. You obliged to his request with no hesitation, joining him on the couch. “Feel better?”

“Much,” You assured him.

“We’ve got the whole night to do whatever you want. We got what we needed done at the studio, today, so we have all day tomorrow, too.” Your heart warmed at his statement, realizing you could spend all day wrapped up in each other. You were eager to get as much time with him as possible, already preparing for the next time he’d have to go on tour.

You two ate in almost silence, enjoying the food and each others company. When you were both full, you took the takeout containers and stored the leftovers in the fridge. You returned and saw that Danny had readjusted himself on the couch, leaning into the arm with his legs strewn across it lengthwise. You changed the record before sitting down, finding home between his legs and resting your back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to him. You relaxed into his hold, closing your eyes and leaning your head against his shoulder. He snaked his hands under your shirt, letting them rest on your stomach. There was no hidden implication, just the desire to feel closer to you.

You slipped your hands on top of his, intertwining your fingers. After a moment, he leaned down, placing a kiss to your cheek. He kept his head down, resting his face on yours. You laughed at the action, leaning into him a bit more. The warmth of his skin felt nice on yours, inviting you into him even further. “I love you more than words, bug.” He hummed. The small things he did were worth more than the entire world, to you. His small gestures and loving words never left any room for doubt, and he loved you better than anyone that came before him. You were sure that nobody would come after him, either. You felt quite confident in saying he was the love of your life, and you’d be damned if you let him get away.

“You have no idea how much I love you.” You replied, feeling his arms squeeze you a little bit tighter.

“Bet you it’s not even close to how much I love you.” He smiled.

“I’m sorry my bad days get so bad.” You whispered. “I know it’s hard to deal with, and I know you’re too nice to tell me.”

“I don’t think you’re hard to deal with at all. I don’t know who made you believe that, because it’s always been a pleasure to love you, even on your bad days. Means you’re comfortable enough to show me all of you, and that’s what I want.” He explained. If it was possible to love him any more, at the sound of his words, you did. He always seemed to know exactly what to say. “You’re human. You’re allowed to be sad, or angry, or whatever you want to feel whenever you want to feel it. When I asked you to be my girlfriend, I didn’t just want to date you for the good times. That would be selfish. I signed up for all of it, the bad days, the sick days, the boring ones, and the really good ones. You take care of me when I’m grumpy, too.” You chuckled.

“As if you’re ever grumpy.”

“You take care of me in all sorts of ways. Don’t discredit yourself.” He said, loosening his grip and reaching over for his wine glass. “I don’t ever want you to feel guilty for being upset. Taking care of you is my favourite thing to do.” The conversation died down, and the wine was coming to an end, too. You were both slightly tipsy; your cheeks rosy and you were both growing more handsy by the second. With enough time, the fog of misery seemed to dissipate as well. It was part of his charm; just knowing he existed was enough to put a smile on your face. Danny was the exception to every bad mood and miserable day. His love was stronger than any horrible thought or emotion your brain could conspire, and it always seemed to chase them away.

You stood, making a move to change the record which had slowed to a stop. You flashed him a cover, silently asking for approval. He gave a hum of affirmation, appreciating your choice. You replaced the record that was already on with the new one, carefully slipping it back in its sleeve. You touched the needle to the vinyl, waiting a second for the music to start. When it did, Danny stood and walked over to you. He held out a hand, resulting in a quizzical look from you.

“Dance with me.” He said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. You rolled your eyes, but a smile was growing on your lips. You took his hand, allowing him to carefully twirl you around. He pulled you into him, his hand finding your hip. You brought your arms up to his neck, both of you swaying in time to the music.

“I can’t dance.” You giggled, but he already knew that.

“Me, either.” He laughed, but you knew that, too.

“Four left feet and a bottle of wine don’t mix, Danny.” You explained.

“What’s life without a little risk?” He asked, bracing his arm on your lower back as he pulled you into him and dipped you down towards the floor. You let out a chorus of giggles as he did so, having no fear that he would drop you. If there was one thing you knew about Danny, it was that he’d protect you with his life. If you were falling, he’d always catch you. If he couldn’t, he’d fall, too, just so you wouldn’t have to do it alone. He leaned down and kissed you, holding the position for a moment. He parted from you only slightly, just to give you a grin.

“How romantic.” You poked fun. “You trying to seduce me?”

“Depends,” he said “is it working?”

“Mmm, you’re almost there.” He leaned down, placing a kiss on your exposed neck. Your eyes fluttered closed at the feeling, realizing that there was nothing that could compare. “Better.” He pulled you back upright, making sure you were steady on your feet. He guided your chin upwards with his finger and brought you into another kiss, one where the only thing he had to focus on was you. You let one of your hands fall on his bicep and the other on the back of his neck, bringing him impossibly closer. The wine was clouding your head, enhancing every touch. His hands fell to your hips, pulling you towards him once more. When you parted, you were both breathless and had stars dancing in your eyes.

You watched him for a moment, immersed in his aura. Even the air around him radiated with comfort. He was perfect. He was everything. Unfathomably caring, attentive, and more loving than you ever believed a person could be. You felt extremely blessed to be able to share your life with him, and you were eternally grateful to have someone who was so willing to love you, even when it didn’t serve him any benefit. “What are you thinking about?” He asked, hands still holding you close to him.

“You,” you admitted, giving him a small smile. “I’m always thinking about you.”

“That’s strange,” he hummed, looking quite pensive. “‘Cause I’m always thinking about you, too.”

“That is weird.” You agreed. “You think we should start dating, or something?” You asked, pretending to be bashful about the question.

“Yeah, I think that would be pretty cool.” He nodded. “Should we, like, hold hands or something?” He asked, as if the idea was blasphemous. You shrugged, eventually nodding back at him.

“That would be pretty cool,” you mimicked his statement. In response, he let one hand fall from your hip, extending it out to you. You slipped yours into his, intertwining your fingers. “I love you.” You whispered, a grin eating away at your face. The childish nature of the situation reflected on the purity of the adoration he had for you.

“I love you, bug.” He leaned down, placing a kiss to your forehead. “I’m sorry you had a rough day.”

“It’s okay. You always make it better.” He wrapped his arm around you, holding you with all of the love he could muster within him.

“That’s all I want to do. I’d be more than alright if I spent the rest of my life making you happy.”

“You wouldn’t have to try very hard. Happy is the only thing I know how to feel, when I’m with you.” You laid your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes, completely overtaken with comfort. You were certain that if you got to spend the rest of your life loving him, it would be the happiest lifetime you could live.

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buckyandgeraltsupremacy · 11 months

Text

Not Alone Part 2 (Joel Miller x Fem!Reader)

joel miller x fem!reader

when you find yourself completely alone, you might just have to look up to realize you aren't.

warnings: mentioned death of family members; injuries; joel being mean (soft); probably typos lol

author: sj

masterlist

part one / part three

another part in the works :)

---

After your painful wonderful shower for the first time in forever, you found new clothes on the bed and went down to the kitchen to try to find something to eat. And as Maria promised, there was some food that looked like it would last you the day sitting on the counter. Your self control was ripped from you and you ended up eating the whole thing sitting on the floor.

Once the last bite of food was gone, it was then realized how utterly alone you were. You tried to take a deep breath, but couldn't seem to get your lungs to be able to work. You let yourself think about your brother for the first time. Luke wasn't supposed to go like that. Your baby brother. The only one you had left. You weren't a spring chicken any more, but you still felt like he was still a kid. You were five years older than him and he was your best friend. Not once, did you ever think he would leave your side. Much less, get bit. It all happened so fast. And all you could think about was having to shoot him with your last two bullets.

The tears streamed down your face and you got up and stumbled through the back door to get outside. The walls were closing in and you needed to get out. Ironic that the past few weeks, all you wanted was real shelter, and now that you had it, you couldn't stand it. You burst out of the back door and quickly stumble down the steps to the grass. The sobs racking your body as you mourn your life long best friend.

You don't know how long you laid there. All you know is that when the sun went down, your cheeks were dry and tight with the dried tears. You couldn't move but as you watched the sunset and the stars start to shine, you felt your lungs start to rise up and down again. You would be okay. You would have to be. You'd have to pull your weight. Even if it meant with a broken arm. It was okay that you were all alone. Others had done it, and if it was Luke, you would've wanted him to go on. He deserved to live a normal life and you would live it for him if you had to.

You sighed and rolled to your side to get up, freezing when you saw the little girl from next door sitting in a chair at the back of her house yards away from you. You mustered a smile, cheeks heating with the thought of her witnessing your grief. You waved and she waved you over. You swallowed your pride and slowly walked towards her and sat in the chair that she pointed to. What you didn't see was the man in the kitchen a few feet from the open back door that was one hundred percent eavesdropping.

"I don't think I've ever seen so many tears from one person." She said quietly, obviously trying to lighten the awkwardness.

"Well. I've been holding it in for a while, guess it was bound to come out at some point." You shrugged with one shoulder.

"What really happened to your arm?"

"Um... My brother broke it. He got infected and... yeah, just got broken in the struggle." You said, voice scratchy from your crying.

"Oh shit. Sorry. Thats... tough." Ellie said, earnestly trying to give you comfort. You nodded, grateful for her comfort, but not wanting to say it was okay, because truthfully, it wasn't.

"Ellie. Come eat." Joel yelled as he stuck his head out the back door. You jumped at the loud voice, his eyes latching onto the jumpy form.

"You can eat with us. Right Joel?" Ellie looked to Joel and she asked again, more forcefully this time. "Right Joel?"

"Yes." He said, softer, tone still hard as a rock.

"He's not as much of an asshole as he sounds. He just genuinely has an assholey voice." You smiled at her side comment to you and looked to Joel.

"If you're sure. I've already ran out of food. I won't each much I promise. Ate plenty for lunch, for the first time in... a long time." You said to him, getting up out of your chair and following Ellie into the kitchen.

Dinner went quietly, mostly filled with the sounds of silverware and Ellie asking you if you knew any puns. You quickly went home after dinner and Joel went to bed thinking about how your sobs sounded as you laid in the grass.

---

The next morning, Joel went to the stables to see if there was anything he could do around the barn. He wasn't scheduled for patrol until the next day, but needed something to do. He didn't like being home alone when Ellie was off at school learning god knows what. He knew he had to stay busy to keep his thoughts from spiraling.

As he walked into the stables and passed some of the stalls, he heard soft grunting. He slowed to a stop and peeked into the open stall the someone seemed to be in. Only to find you shoveling or attempting to shovel horse shit into a wheelbarrow. He watched as you tried to pick up the shovel that was loaded with one arm as you guided to help yourself pick it up with the arm that was not supposed to be in use. You grunted and then huffed out a frustrated sigh when it tipped and you dumped it, missing the wheelbarrow. The wheel barrowthat you wouldn't be able to carry with one arm. He wasn't quite sure why but it made him angry.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He asked sharply. He watched you jump and then sigh a small smile gracing your face as a greeting.

"Shoveling horse poop." You replied with a tired smile, immediately going back to trying to pick up the pile that you dumped.

"No shit sherlock." No pun intended. My god he was becoming Ellie. "I mean, why the hell are you shoveling with a broken arm? You're going to hurt yourself more." He said, walking in the stall and grabbing the shovel from your hands quickly.

"I'm trying to pull my weight. There weren't any shifts left any where and I have to get food some how. I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of starving." You said, the smile leaving your face, and being replaced by a frown, looking at the shovel in his hands. He sighed and brushed a hand down his face in what seemed like frustration.

"Look. I'll finish up for you and then we can go to the hall and grab you some breakfast, yeah? If Ellie hears that I didn't feed ya, she'll feed me my hands for dinner. And don't worry about this shit until you're better. You're not gonna get better if you don't rest it." He demanded, not looking at your face as he finished shoveling the horse feces in the stall. Your wrist giving a nice dull throb that sent you grabbing your sling from your bag and putting it back on.

You watched as he lifted up the wheelbarrow and drove it past you towards the pile, muttering to himself about how you 'couldn't even fucking lift it if ya tried'.

The next thing you knew, you were sitting in the hall with a meal in front of you, eating like you were starved. Cause you basically were. After this mornings out burst, he hadn't said much to you and had just watched you with his brown eyes studying you, creases deep on his face.

"Don't worry about meals until your wrist heals up. You come to us for it, yeah? Ellie likes you and she doesn't get many older women in her life." You nodded, a smile returning to your face. Joel's chest did that weird cracking and blew out a breath. He didn't think he had any room left in there and he had a bad feeling you were going to squeeze in any how.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller hurt/comfort #joel miller the last of us #joel miller x reader fluff #joel miller hbo #joel miller x you #the last of us

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originalfatfiction · 24 days

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All the World's a Stage

I was your typical drama-geek, though a lot more subdued—hopefully. I prayed I wasn’t as obnoxious as those kids on TV shows about high school students. I wasn’t constantly giving long monologues about the idiocy of mainstream culture or strumming a guitar singing covers of Bruno Mars songs. I just highly valued theater as an art form. Man, that seemed kind of pretentious, but it was true! As lame as it may have sounded, theater was honestly my life. I had been in every production since freshman year—the fall plays, winter dramas, and spring musicals.

Sure, I was a good student, but that wasn’t fun. And it wasn’t like I was athletic or exceedingly popular. My passion was performing on stage, no doubt about it, and it was a surprise even to myself. I didn’t talk much, and I dreaded holding conversation with people. When I was in the fall play freshman year, it was the first time many of my peers heard my voice. I will say as I’ve matured, I’ve become more willing to speak up for myself, but four years ago you couldn’t pay me to answer a question in class, even if I was a hundred percent sure of the answer.

I worked hard as a member of the Jackson High Thespian Troupe. I was incredibly dedicated to all of our productions, and I had even gotten the lead role in two separate shows. I was hoping to get the lead in the fall play this year, which would be Of Mice and Men. It was the story of the big, lovable oaf Lennie and his cynical pal George during the Great Depression.

The Troupe had absolutely no clue who our Lennie Small would be. Nobody in our productions stood any taller than six feet, which was nowhere near as imposing as we needed our Lennie to be.

I was short, only about 5’6” and slim. Most of the drama crew was pretty small in terms of stature and weight. Everyone was really body conscious in the drama club. Most people didn’t outwardly speak badly of our larger members, but there was always an underlying negativity.

I was black, mostly. My dad was half-white, but for all intents and purposes, I was black. I thankfully had some natural muscularity, so I wasn’t all skin and bones. As I’ve said, I wasn’t much of an athlete. I couldn’t do anything involving balls, bats, or racquets. Running and swimming I was okay at, but other than that I was hopeless. My dad had been crushed by the fact that I couldn’t even get a hit playing T-Ball. I’d close my eyes every time I swung the bat. I was a regular Hank Aaron (I knew he was good, but I couldn’t for the life of me tell you when he played or what team he was on. My dad loved the guy, claiming he was one of the greats). Thankfully, my younger brothers were already showing signs of being potential MLB all-stars. I’d just have to accept that I would never meet my father’s expectations.

We were in the second week of September (we had been in school for about three weeks) and the weather was still fairly hot. I loved warm weather and the sun and the beach. I was still rocking my summer skin tone, so I had a golden-brown complexion. I’d get lighter as we went into the colder months, but for now I had a beautiful healthy glow. I hated winter. I was my worst self in layers and layers of clothing.

We’d had auditions last Thursday and after the roles were cast, the production would move next-level fast. It happened with every production; there was never as much time to prepare as we thought there’d be. I had auditioned for George. I went to the school’s bulletin board right outside of the main office that Monday to see if I had been cast. I was so nervous. The Troupe had become my whole life.

George—Kyle Donnelly

Candy—Hallie James

Curley—Jimmy Ignacio

Curley’s Wife—Jane Kingston

Slim—Raul Mota

Crooks—Richard Smith

Carlson—John Waterson

The Boss—Ken Ortega

Whit—Holden Sanders

Lennie and Candy’s Dog—TBD

I couldn’t believe it. I’d been cast as Whit. How in the hell was I cast as Whit? I mean, come on! He had fewer lines than Candy’s dog. I almost cried right there, and then I felt really silly about crying publicly over a high school adaptation of a John Steinbeck novel. I held back my urge to sob and made my way to the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and let a few tears escape my eyes. Sure, it was silly, but it still meant a lot to me. This would be my last fall play ever. I was eighteen years old and graduating from high school in less than nine months. I had to make the most of every day I had left. I balled my hands into fists and closed my eyes. But wait! The worst part wasn’t even the fact I was cast in a role that could be performed by a mannequin—no, the worst fucking part would have to be that the lead went to Kyle Donnelly, who was a terrible actor and a total ass. His vibes were way harsh. I knew I didn’t like him, and he’d pissed off numerous members of the Troupe, but he was still an integral member (his parents donated a lot of time and money to the drama club).

I had to calm down. This was no time for a meltdown. There was still the winter drama and spring musical.

I exited the stall and headed to class feeling worthless. I almost considered dropping out. I swear, if I didn’t get the lead in the musical, I’d blow my brains out. I had Spanish IV first period, followed by AP Calc and AP Bio. English IV was fourth period, with the head faculty director Mr. Murray.

I didn’t want to see him. He and the student director, Eva Porter, were the ones responsible for casting me as Whit. I’d spent the first three periods of my day hearing about how crazy it was that Kyle would be the lead. It’d been brought up numerous times in shady remarks that Kyle and Eva dating probably played a major part in him getting the role of George. I wanted to believe Eva had integrity, so I ignored the gossip.

Mr. Murray was one of the oldest teachers in the school. He was pushing seventy, and nobody understood why he hadn’t retired yet. Kids said it was because he never got married or had children and that he wouldn’t know what to do with all that time to himself. Sometimes I thought I might end up like him, and it freaked me out. He was totally a latent homosexual. He mentioned women sometimes, but in a half-hearted way that made it seem like he was covering up something. (“Oh, that Saoirse Ronan is a beauty. If I were her age, I might be willing to settle down.”)

But at the end of the day, I was gay—and I was sure people knew it. Most of my closest friends in the Troupe knew. I didn’t try to act all manly and stuff to hide who I was; I wasn’t that type of guy. But still, even though I was doing my best to be true to myself, I still worried about what people thought of me. Did I speak too girlishly? Did I move my hands too much when I talked? Did it ruin my chances of playing some of the great roles in theater history?

I sat at my desk as class started, totally disinterested in what Mr. Murray was talking about until he started a class discussion. This old queen was ruthless during class discussions, going out of his way to pick on the unprepared and the distracted. He wasn’t about to catch me slipping.

“We’ve just discussed some of the context of the poem, which now gives us an opportunity to analyze it further,” Mr. Murray said, looking from face to face of each of my classmates, deciding who he’d engage with one-on-one. “Why does this poem relate to life even today?” he asked the class as a whole. A couple of kids shrank back into the seats of their desks, some stiffened up and stared straight ahead. Mr. Murray was scanning the room, like some sort of rogue robot from the future trying to determine which life form would be most beneficial to exterminate.

I looked at Mr. Murray, who had his sights set on Gregory Williams. He was the worst English student ever. Hell, he was probably the worst student ever. Gregory nervously flipped through his notebook, which looked packed with information. Who had written that stuff down for him? It probably wasn’t even notes for this class. He was probably one of those students who used one notebook for all seven periods.

But still, I couldn’t stand to see such a big lug in distress. I had to intercept Mr. Murray’s attack. The poem was fairly simple to understand, and hopefully my analysis would appease his bloodlust. I raised my hand quickly, trying to help, but as Mr. Murray and I made eye contact, he smiled and said, “What do you think, Gregory?”

Gregory sat up, no longer flipping through his notebook. He looked petrified. This happened every time he got called on. I felt bad for him, but then I remembered how easy he had things. He had straight C’s because he was gigantic. He was on the football, wrestling, and water polo teams. And I meant it when I said that he was huge. At 6’4” and at least 280 pounds, teachers wanted him to be able to play so our school would win.

I didn’t have a problem with Gregory Williams—he was so my type—but the whole “he’s a jock, pass him” thing sort of pissed me off. I worked hard to do well in school and manage extracurricular activities, why shouldn’t he?

“I—I didn’t get it,” he said finally. He was embarrassed. “It was stupid.”

“It was not stupid, Mr. Williams.” Mr. Murray chastised, obviously dismayed at such a lackluster response. “It was an artistic exploration of an important theme in African-American culture, which I would love for you to tell us about. Try again, perhaps discuss some of the figurative language.”

“I—I couldn’t find any,” Greg said, his face falling. I glanced at his desk; the printout of the poem was annotated extensively. All he had to do was look at his notes! Why was he so afraid?

“We can wait,” Mr. Murray continued, pressing him further and further. “Take your time.”

Time began to move in reverse, I swear. Greg looked at the poem, scanning each line with his thick pointer finger, reading it soundlessly, though his mouth was moving. I couldn’t stand this abuse of power. Some of the other students in the room snickered. I didn’t consider this teaching. This was capital punishment. “Hey Greg,” I said, not one to normally speak in class myself. “Do you remember what an extended metaphor is? Mr. Murray went over it in that PowerPoint last week.”

Yes, Mr. Murray still used PowerPoint.

I couldn’t bring myself to look at Mr. Murray. I could tell he was upset by the exasperated sound he’d made when I spoke without permission. I just focused on Greg, in the row to the right of me, two seats up. I watched his wide back in his plain, black t-shirt. He shifted in his seat, turning to look at me. His eyes were so desperate, and it made me feel terrible. This was probably killing him.

He held his notebook in his hands, shaking slightly. “It’s ‘wh—when a comparison between two unlike things continues throughout a series of lines in a poem.’” He’d read it with minimal trouble, then looked up at me.

“Yeah,” I said. “This poem is basically one of those completely. What do you think is being compared?” He turned quickly, grabbing the printout. He turned back, looking at me again. Having his attention like this was strange. He’d hardly paid me any mind before. Him looking at me like that, with his scared brown eyes. I wanted to protect him at all costs. I wanted to make sure this never happened to him again.

I was getting ahead of myself.

“Maybe this crystal stair is being compared to life,” he started. “The mom is talking to her son, and she’s saying that life hasn’t been no crystal stair. So life is hard, I think. And Langston Hughes is using a bunch of stair words to talk about how hard life is, especially for black people.”

“Yeah, what words make you think that life can be hard?” I asked, pretty sure I should have shut up two questions ago.

“It says there are splinters and boards that are torn up and—and uh, no carpets.” I could sense he was feeling more confident now. He smiled at me gently before turning forward in his seat. He looked at Mr. Murray before speaking again. “And the mom in the poem knows life is hard, and she’s letting her son know, so he never gives up. That’s how it can relate to today. All parents know stuff their kids don’t, and they’re just trying to guide us through the hard times.”

“Quite the analysis,” Mr. Murray said, turning to the front of the room and walking towards his desk. “I’d love for you to locate another piece of figurative language Mr. Ignacio—with no assists please.” He’d finished with his torment of Greg, and class went on this way for another twenty minutes before the bell rang. Mr. Murray made sure to have droned on and on all class period. He told Greg to wait behind. I grabbed my books and went off to gym class. I was afraid I’d gotten him in trouble. He’d probably be more upset now. And what was worse was that he’d probably be upset with me for opening my mouth when I should have just minded my own business.

I rummaged through my bag. I couldn’t believe my luck. I had forgotten my gym shorts again. What a way to start the week. I was the last guy in the locker room, and Coach White would be so angry. He told me if I were too much of a pussy to participate in gym class, the least I could do to get a decent grade was change. He’d yell at me in front of all the other guys. It was going to be awful.

One would think the school board would frown upon a teacher calling a student a pussy, but Coach White had tenure and multiple state championships in football and basketball. He made our school look good, so there was no way he was going anywhere for harassing the feminine kid who opted out of participating in shooting hoops or serving volleyballs.

I couldn’t help that whenever someone tried to pass me a ball my first instinct was to cover my face. It wasn’t my fault that running and dribbling at the same time was a skill that had overlooked my entire bloodline (yeah, even my dad. That’s why he stuck to baseball). I felt awful that any activity we tried, I failed miserably at it. My track record was not pretty.

Softball—I sucked.

Badminton—I sucked.

Basketball—I sucked.

Volleyball—I sucked.

Kickball—I sucked.

Floor Hockey—I sucked.

I turned, my back against the cold metal of the lockers, and sank to the floor. I sat there for a few moments as I considered my options. I could hear the Jeopardy! music in my head, getting faster and faster as my time to find a solution dwindled.

I was screwed, that was all I had.

I’d just have to take the zero for today’s class period. I hadn’t noticed Greg changing until I stood up. I was so gay sometimes that I felt like they should create a new word for the intense levels of homosexuality I was experiencing.

He wasn’t some fitness model, but he was incredibly handsome. I liked bigger guys, and he was a big guy. He had a gut, but it was hot. I liked looking at it, and I wanted to touch it. I wanted to make it bigger. Oh God, I was such a freak.

He peeled that black t-shirt he’d been wearing over his head, standing there in just his baggy blue jeans. His back was to me, and what a back it was. He looked as wide as at least two-and-a-half of me. His dark skin looked smooth, and he had some faded circular scars that ran across his shoulder blades. I noticed he had some stretch marks on his love handles, but they were just as faded as the scars on his back. He undid his belt buckle and leaned forward slightly so he could pull those jeans down. The main attraction had been unveiled. He had a large butt that jutted out far behind him and massive thighs. His jeans must’ve been huge in order to camouflage those assets. He wore a pair of spandex underwear that all the athletes loved. The fabric was only a little darker than his skin, so for a moment it felt as though he was standing there in front of me completely naked.

He tossed his regular clothes into the locker after removing his gym clothes. He closed the locker and turned around, our eyes meeting. My first instinct was to sprint out of the locker room, out of the school. I could be out of the tri-state area by dinner. I must’ve been examining his body for a good forty seconds. I could’ve looked at him like this for at least another decade. Instead of running I looked away quickly, hoping he wouldn’t say anything.

“You’re not changing?” he asked as he pulled on the gym shorts. My shorts looked kind of normal, but they were like something out of the seventies. The uniform had been like that for as long as I could remember. Maybe they’d ordered way too many skimpy shorts fifty years ago and we were stuck wearing outdated athletic gear. Greg looked great in the shorts though, so there were no complaints from me. They came about halfway up his thickset thighs and hugged his ass perfectly.

“I forgot my shorts,” I said. He opened his locker again and tossed me a pair of his.

“Wanna borrow a pair?” he asked. As conflicted as I was on Greg’s academic success, that didn’t negate the fact that he wasn’t a jerk. He was actually a really decent person. He didn’t mess with people like some of the other douchebag athletes.

When we were working on our production of Little Shop of Horrors last spring, they buried a couple of members of our cast in soil. I was lucky to have avoided that punishment. Oh, and who could forget the time when during our production of Dracula a few of the meathead jocks pulled a Carrie and completely ruined the performance by dumping “pigs’ blood” on us during opening night. It was only melted strawberry ice cream with extra red food coloring in it, but the show still had to be cancelled. Some of those guys actually got suspended for that one, surprisingly. This was all on top of the day-to-day book checks (knocking books out of our hands, but lunch trays were a common variation) and being pushed up against lockers.

“I know they’re gonna be a little big, but you just sit in the bleachers, right?” I fought the urge to bring his shorts up close to my face and give them a big sniff. He was still looking at me, and I was not about to be the weird gay guy going around sniffing other guys’ sweaty shorts.

“Yeah,” I said. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” He pulled on a tight white t-shirt that showed off his large, burly arms and broad shoulders. “Thanks for your help in class,” he said, tying the shoelaces of his Nikes. “We should probably get to know each other a little better. Since I’m gonna be Larry or whatever in the play.”

“You’re going to be Lennie?” I asked.

“Yeah, that’s what Mr. Murray said,” he replied, sighing. He adjusted the waistband of his shorts, pulling them down slightly. “I need the extra credit he’s offering to pass his class. No football for me this year.” He left the locker room and went into the gym.

I was too nervous to bury my face in his shorts, not wanting to be caught, so I just got changed quickly and hurried into the gym. I sat in the bleachers and watched as the more athletically inclined ran back and forth playing basketball. Damn Greg was fast for such a big guy. He was aggressive too. It was kind of scary how intense he was—but then it was hot.

It was like a freaking mythical beast was going up for a rebound. He bumped kids around. He moved so heavily, like he was really solid and sturdy. His thighs looked ridiculously beefy, and the shorts rode up as he ran. They’d ridden up his ass, separating each cheek, highlighting the meatiness of his backside. I was glad his shorts were like a hundred times too big, because they were helping me cover up a pretty gigantic erection. The uniforms were definitely the one thing I liked about gym class.

All of these interactions with Greg today had me feeling aroused, but on top of that they had me developing a major crush. I hated it. Nothing good could ever come from liking a straight boy, especially one that could break my face with the flick of his finger.

I changed quickly, shoving the shorts into my bookbag. I’d wash them and return them to Greg tomorrow. At lunch, everyone was talking about Greg being in the play, and it wasn’t all good. Kyle was furious. He said he didn’t want to be in a production with such a “big, fat idiot.” I thought Kyle was a bitch, so it shouldn’t have mattered.

We went to the school’s auditorium after classes ended to run the lines and sure enough Greg showed up, although about ten minutes late. A little after that Coach White flew into the auditorium in a rage and he and Mr. Murray got into a huge argument. They walked away from us students and continued bickering.

Coach White was towering over little Mr. Murray, but he backed off when Mr. Murray started telling him off. They both moved animatedly, pointing and gesturing. They were just outside of the far doors, so we couldn’t actually hear what they were saying. We watched as Mr. Murray walked the length of the auditorium to where we all sat in a circle on the stage.

“Gregory,” he said, his voice feigning calmness. “Coach White and I have worked out a schedule for you, okay?” Greg nodded. “On Mondays and Wednesdays, you can go to football practice, and when you have games on Fridays you don’t need to be here. However, during tech week and all performance days you must be in attendance, understood?”

“Yes Coach,” he said, nervously tugging at the hem of his t-shirt. Kyle scoffed loudly and rolled his eyes. “I mean, sir—Mr. Murray.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow,” Mr. Murray said, joining us on the stage. Gregory stood, towering over all of us as we continued to sit, and gave a slight wave goodbye before making his way down the stairs.

“See you tomorrow!” I called, not entirely sure why I had opened my mouth. Everyone looked at me like I was deranged, but Greg turned and smiled at me.

“Yeah,” he called, his voice deep. “Catch you later, Holden.”

That night, I thought about Greg saying my name over and over. He said that he’d catch me later. He knew I existed, and maybe I could exist to him as more than the weird guy who was in his English class.

I was ashamed to admit it, but I smelled his shorts. I had to force myself to stop smelling them and to put them in the washing machine. They smelled so good, like sweat and laundry detergent and some sort of cologne. While they were in the washing machine, I walked to the gas station and bought a candy bar—a Twix, to be more specific. The king of chocolate candies if I were to be honest. They were my favorite.

I made my way back home and grabbed a piece of white copy paper from the printer in the home office. I sat at the desk in my room, thinking. I had to be friendly, but not too friendly. I didn’t want him to think I was weird. I was just polite, raised properly.

I wrote a simple message. It read:

Hey Greg,

Thank you for lending me a pair of your shorts. I washed them, and as a token of my appreciation, enjoy this candy bar.

I signed it with just my first name, Holden.

Before I went to bed, I made sure to put my gym uniform, his shorts, the letter, and the candy bar in my bag. I didn’t want to forget anything tomorrow. I felt off that night, kind of nervous. I was starting to feel like it was a bad idea to do something so formal for being lent a pair of shorts for fifty minutes. A normal guy would’ve just tossed them back to him, nodded their head, and kept it moving. He probably didn’t even remember lending them to me. It wasn’t a big deal to him, so it shouldn’t be a big deal to me.

I still brought everything along with me, but I was conflicted about following through with the plan. I couldn’t do it in the locker room with all the other guys around. It’d be stupid to return them after gym class. Before I knew it, we were in English class, and I was walking to his desk. We had about a minute before the bell, and it was now or never. I stood next to him, and he looked at me. “What’s up, Holden?” he greeted me.

“Hi, uh, thanks,” I replied, so inarticulately that he’d probably think I was abandoned in the woods as a child and learned to speak from the animals of the forest that raised me. I was Jackson High’s very own Nell. I placed the stack (shorts on bottom, letter in the middle, Twix on top) on his desk and returned to my own. He didn’t touch it but looked back at me as I returned to my seat. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, and he smiled awkwardly, as if to say, What a fucking weirdo.

He turned back to the stack and opened the letter. He read it, turned back to me, and gave me a thumbs up. I sighed with relief, signaling a thumbs up in return.

He ate the Twix during class.

The first rehearsal with Greg that afternoon went okay, but in the long run the scheduling situation proved to be much more difficult for everyone than anticipated. Greg needed more time with the whole cast to better practice his lines, so those two to three days we lost every week were definitely determinantal to our progress.

It had been two weeks of line practice, and it was a Tuesday.

“Gregory, it’s your line now,” Mr. Murray said, not looking up from his script. Kyle sighed and mumbled something about Greg being an idiot. Greg frowned and said he didn’t remember it. Mr. Murray tried to get us off script as soon as possible, but Greg was new to this world. It was incredibly hard to remember all our lines, even if we spent hours every night practicing. I bet he had a lot going on outside of this production that he was forced into. I wanted to say he should be able to use his script, but I didn’t want to appear meddlesome. Kyle groaned impolitely and said he needed a break. “Okay everyone, take ten.”

I remember on the second day, parents started bringing food. It was like this every year. Early on in the productions it was small stuff, like juice boxes and potato chips, but as things got more serious there’d be pizzas and sandwiches. I thought it was adorable how excited Greg was.

“You guys get food?” he asked me. I told him nobody ate much, so it usually got tossed out or given away to different sports teams. After that he took to eating all practice. It seemed to calm him, so I was glad there was something helping him.

When I was cheated out of a role, I took on extra responsibilities. Usually that meant that I was in charge of wardrobe. I was to take measurements and get clothes from thrift stores and costume shops using a portion of the money allotted to the drama club.

So today I was doing my second job and it was Greg’s turn and we went into the gigantic prop closet, and I started measuring him. He was wearing his freaking football sweats and they were grabbing onto his thighs and butt, and I was getting a major erection.

“You can do everything,” he said, and it didn’t come across as sarcastic in a way that some others would say it. “A poet, an actor, and a tailor.”

I laughed, flattered that he thought I was capable of tailoring clothing. “I’m no tailor,” I said from behind him. I knelt down to measure the size of his thighs, my eyes level with his ass. I looked longingly at his underwear, the sweats sagging down slightly from the weight of his cellphone and wallet in his pockets. “I only send the measurements to a costume shop or try to find pieces at the thrift store.” He was wearing these blue spandex boxer briefs and it was killing me. He was actually an inch taller than I thought, standing at 6’5”.

I measured around his stomach next, followed by his waist. I placed a little stool in front of him and stood on it. It made me nearly as tall as he was. I had to measure his neck, and I swung the tape measurer over his head. “It’s nice to see you at eye level,” he said, laughing. “Short Stuff.”

I tried my hardest to focus on the task at hand, bringing the tape measurer taught around his thick neck. He was so handsome. His skin was darker than mine. If I was the dough of a cookie, he was a chocolate chip. He had large lips and white teeth that were kind of large. I noticed he rarely smiled showing them all, but he’d recently been smiling at me in the hallways or at the end of rehearsals. It gave me butterflies thinking about how seeing me could elicit a smile from him. He had short hair and deep waves. I could see him brushing his hair and putting his durag on before bed every night. His nose was cute, kind of wide, but not so big that it took over his face.

“I’m Short Stuff?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said. I removed the tape measurer, stepping down off of my stool. He crouched down, spreading his legs and bending his knees. “How’s the weather down here?”

“Very funny, Gregory.”

“Ooo, using the whole name,” he said, standing up straight. “I’m in trouble. Why not throw in the ‘Deshawn Williams’ for the full effect?”

“I’ll remember that for the next time.”

“I wouldn’t want that,” he said. “I never wanna make you mad at me. I like you too much.” He smiled, and then I smiled. It was nice but filled with so much one-sided lust that it was almost sad. Kyle entered the prop closest, attitude set to eleven.

“How long does it take to measure one person Holden?” He took in Greg and stifled a laugh. “Oh, never mind. I imagine it can take quite a while, actually.” Greg tugged at the hem of his shirt, his face falling.

“I’ll talk to you later, Short Stuff,” he said. “Thanks for the measurements.” He went back over to the parent-supplied snack table. I saw him grab a Ho Ho and open it embarrassedly, shoving it into his mouth.

He could have picked Kyle up and snapped him in half, Bane-style. I wouldn’t have said anything, and when authorities asked what happened, I’d say, with tears in my eyes, “He slipped, Officer. What a freak accident, truly.”

“This is going to be a disaster,” Kyle said. I had the measuring tape around his neck now, trying to get through these measurements as quickly as possible. “I wouldn’t have wanted the lead if I knew I’d be working with such an absolute idiot.” I considered choking him.

I was moving as fast as I could, but he continued to bad mouth Greg. It was really upsetting me. I didn’t know if it was because Greg wasn’t around to defend himself, or because I had such a major crush on him, but Kyle was pushing me to my limit. He had totally killed any signs of an erection, which I guess was good because I wouldn’t want people knowing I was some pervert getting erections while taking measurements.

“Eva is devastated. Her first time as student director and this is what she has to deal with.”

“Kyle, you aren’t as talented as you think you are, so you need to shut the fuck up.” He laughed casually and walked towards the door. I wasn’t even finished taking his measurements. He always had to do the most.

“Who got the lead?” he asked rhetorically. He left the room, walking towards where Eva and Mr. Murray were helping the stage designers with a backdrop. I felt my face go hot and sat down. This was not how I imagined this year to be. I knew it would never be perfect; I didn’t set unrealistic expectations, not wanting to be let down, but I never thought things could suck this much. I had my eighteenth birthday a week before the school year started and I had spent a portion of my summer in theater camp in New York City. This was supposed to be my year.

“‘Who got the lead?’” I mimicked in my best Kyle-voice. I pulled the tape measurer as taut as I could, struggling for a moment before giving up the effort. My mom would say not to let someone like Kyle get under my skin, and she’d be entirely correct, but I wasn’t as patient as my mother. I wanted to take action and kick him in the throat.

We started rehearsing lines again after I finished measuring the last cast member. Obviously, I was sick and tired of Kyle, who continued to harass Greg. I knew this was going to sound totally lame and cliché, but the Troupe was like a family, so when he bad-mouthed Greg, it was like he was harassing his own family.

“Uh, George—I did—didn’t me—mean nothing by it, honest.”

“Oh my God!” Kyle howled. “Learn your fucking lines and stop stuttering.” I noticed Greg close his eyes—his head bowed, his fists clenched. Would this be the moment I’d been waiting for my entire life? Would one blow from the mighty Gregory Deshawn Williams finally be what vanquished the foul Kyle ‘Bitch Boy’ Donnelly? To add insult to injury, Kyle kept going. With enough weight I thought I could see the words travel across the circle, Kyle said, “All you’re good at is eating. Do you even know how to read? You fat fuck.”

This felt more intense than ever. I could feel Greg’s energy from across the circle. He stood up, and everyone’s eyes followed him. He didn’t walk towards Kyle. He left the stage and then exited the auditorium. Kyle was too bad of an actor to be such a goddamn diva.

Mr. Murray was saying something to Kyle that likely wouldn’t stop his bullying. Everyone else on stage began to murmur amongst themselves. Wasn’t anyone going to see if Greg was okay? Mr. Murray and Eva were in charge of this production, so they should have been doing everything to make sure every actor was being treated fairly. Nobody was moving. Didn’t anyone care if he was okay? I couldn’t take it. I’d check on him and try to get him to come back. I jogged out to the parking lot, looking for Greg. He wasn’t very hard to find.

I saw him over by his truck and went up to him. It was an old Ford F-150. It was green, and it really suited Greg. “Hey, Greg,” I started, tapping him on the shoulder.

“Leave me alone,” he barked.

I hated to see him like this. He never did anything to anybody. He was one of the gentlest, nicest guys I’d ever met. “Greg, it’ll be okay,” I said, grabbing at his arm, trying to get him to open up to me.

“I said go the fuck away,” he roared, his voice deep and surprisingly angry, vibrating in my chest. He brought the weight of his large arm down into my face. It wasn’t even his elbow, but his upper arm. It was solid, very solid, and I’d hoped to feel it, but not in this way. I fell back onto the gravel. I noticed red droplets on my shirt before I felt the fountain that was my nose overflowing.

I was bleeding, but thankfully it didn’t hurt that badly. I thought he liked me. I thought we were friends. He turned around and I noticed he was crying. He was crying. “I—I’m so sorry,” he said as he wiped his eyes on his forearm. “I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. Holden, are you okay? I’m sorry.” I stood up, holding my nose, trying to stop the bleeding.

“It—it’s fine.” He walked towards me, and I instinctually took a step back. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I knew he didn’t mean to hit me, but I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t know what else to do, so I smiled, trying to let him know I was okay.

“Oh God,” he said, reaching for me again. I suddenly realized that had been a terrible idea. The blood spilled over my top lip, covering my teeth. It probably made me look like I was in a worse condition than I actually was.

“I think I’ll just go back inside.” I ran back towards the building, blood dripping onto my shirt. He started kicking his truck angrily.

I’d gone straight to the bathroom to clean myself up, and when I arrived back in the auditorium everyone was still waiting for Greg to return. He didn’t come back inside, so after thirty minutes Mr. Murray dismissed us for the day.

I still couldn’t believe he’d hit me in the face with his freaking Hulk-strength and I was alive to remember it. If he could do this to me without even trying, I could only imagine the damage he could do on purpose.

I didn’t know if we were avoiding one another or not, but I didn’t talk to Greg again the next day until lunch. The incident hadn’t left me with any swelling or bruising, so that was something to be positive about. I sat at a small table near the trash cans. I was sitting alone because I needed some solitude. Kyle was talking about how stupid Greg was and it pissed me off. I just couldn’t take it anymore, and my retaliations never seemed to faze him. Nobody else ever tried to call him out either, which only added to my aggravation.

I swirled a spoon around in my cup of yogurt and granola disinterestedly. I hadn’t started on my turkey sandwich or potato chips yet, and I wasn’t feeling very hungry. “I’m sorry again,” Greg said, looking down at me. I hadn’t noticed him come up, which really showed how out of it I was. He was damn near impossible to miss. He looked at me so seriously. It was making me uncomfortable. “I didn’t try to—to hit you in the face like that. I don’t like hitting people. I don’t want you to think I’m that kind of person.”

“I’m fine,” I said. “Apology accepted. And I definitely don’t think poorly of you.” He smiled uneasily.

“Can I sit with you?” he asked. I looked at him. He was so freaking handsome. His eyebrows were thick and had a natural arch to them that made him appear somewhat angry. He had that look from shaving, like someone who had to shave on the regular. Not like me, I only had to shave once every two weeks. I’d heard he was a year older than everyone, but I didn’t know for sure. I went to a different middle school, so I didn’t know much about Greg before high school.

“Yes, of course,” I replied. He smiled again, this time more comfortably, and sat down. He had one of those lunch bags that could be carried around every day. His was bigger than they usually were, and it was green. Maybe green was his favorite color. He had a bunch of food in there—three sandwiches, a couple bags of chips, a water, a juice, cookies, two bananas, and an apple. “You feeling better than you did yesterday?” I asked.

“I feel lame as fuck,” he said. “You probably think there’s something wrong with me.”

“A big guy like you crying is definitely out of the ordinary.”

“You probably think I’m a pussy,” he said, shifting his gaze from me. He looked down at his massive spread, grabbing one of his sandwiches.

“Absolutely not,” I said. “I cry much more often than I’d like to admit.”

“Really?” he asked, looking up at me sheepishly.

“Yes, really.” I started stirring my yogurt again, nervous at the thought of talking about these things with him. I wanted him to like me, not pity me. Hell, he might even think I deserved the things that made me sob. “I’ll share three things.”

“Okay,” he said, smiling timidly.

“One, The Princess and the Frog.”

“The Disney movie?”

“We got a black princess, and she was so hard working.” I could feel myself tearing up, only at the thought of the film. “She achieved her dreams. I want that.”

“Aww,” he said, laughing. “We’ve got to watch that together sometime. Just so I can see the waterworks.”

“Never.”

He laughed again, harder this time. He took another large bite of his sandwich, speaking with his mouth slightly full, he said, “What else?”

“Two, just three weeks ago when the cast list was posted for the play. I had to lock myself in a bathroom stall so I could cry. I was so disappointed.”

“You didn’t get the part you wanted?” he asked, frowning.

“I auditioned for George,” I said, finally eating a spoonful of my yogurt. “But you know how that turned out.”

“Sorry Holden.”

“It’s fine, honestly. I’ve accepted it.” We sat in silence for a little while after that. He powered through his lunch, and I watched him, impressed. Sexuality was such a fucked-up thing. What had occurred in my life that made me this way? He was eating his potato chips and it felt like things were moving in slow motion. He chewed, putting more chips in his mouth at one time than anyone I knew would. The oil from the chips left a glossy sheen on his full lips and I wanted to kiss them, to taste their saltiness.

“You never told me the third thing,” he said finally. I jumped slightly, like a total dork. I had to stop staring at him.

“Oh, well, uh—last year, in October, we were getting things ready for the fall play. I—I was one of the last people still here, and when I finally left it was just me and one other girl. We waited for her mom to pick her up and after she’d gone, I went to the parking lot. My mom had let me drive her car to school that day, so I was feeling pretty good.” He was looking at me so intensely. I was regretting choosing something so serious for this, but I wanted him to know I wasn’t messing around about crying being okay. “I guess football practice got out later than usual, but a couple of those guys were in the parking lot.” His jaw tensed, and he stopped eating his lunch. All he had left were the bananas. “Long story short,” I said, trying to get through this as quickly as possible. “They pushed me around a bit, calling me names and stuff. I cried on the entire drive home.”

“Who was it?” he asked angrily. My intention wasn’t to get him riled up. I didn’t think he’d even care this much to be honest. It was a couple of guys who graduated and one or two of the guys still on the team, but I wasn’t going to get Greg involved in something that didn’t matter anymore. Did I still think about them calling me a faggot over and over? Yes, absolutely, but I had been a convenient target. Normally they left me alone because I faded into the background, but that day I’d been the only drama-geek in the line of fire.

“Yeah, no,” I said. “This isn’t what this conversation is about. We were just being open about our feelings. I’m not looking for retribution.” He angrily peeled open one of his bananas. He didn’t get this upset over Kyle taunting him, so this reaction was entirely unexpected. “So, what about you? Was it what Kyle said that made you feel so upset yesterday?”

He looked at me and I realized I had been much more direct than I’d intended to be. He finished his first banana, sitting up straight. His belly looked satiated, but I bet he could’ve eaten way more. “I don’t like when people call me stupid,” he said. “I know I’m not smart, but I hate when people call me stupid.”

“You’re definitely not stupid,” I said.

“Sometimes I think I am,” he said. “I don’t try to stutter either, but when I’m nervous it just happens. I didn’t even want to do this, but I need the extra credit. I study so hard, but I still barely pass.” He studied? I felt guilt in the pit of my stomach. I had made unfair assumptions about him. I just thought teachers passed him. I had no idea he actually took his education seriously. “You’re really smart Holden. I wish I was smart like you.”

“You just need help,” I said. “Sometimes I get overwhelmed by my classes too.” He ate his second banana in three bites. I was so hard that it was distracting. I was confused. We’d covered so much ground in one lunch period. I’d experienced such an array of emotions that I was sure we’d be bonded together forever.

“I’m—I’m a year older than everyone,” he whispered, looking down. “It’s because I’m dumb. Who has to repeat the sixth grade?”

“No,” I said gently, wanting to come across as sincere. “I don’t think you should feel that way at all. You just have to keep doing your best and trying to improve. School can be really hard and you’re still hanging in there! Besides, I’m glad that means we get to be in the same grade—.” I had started rambling. I was officially embarrassed. I’m glad that means we get to be in the same grade? I’d actually said that to him.

“I’m glad we’re in the same grade too,” he said, looking at me kindly. He wasn’t smiling at me with his mouth, but with his eyes. Tyra Banks would be proud. Things were silent for a minute or two after that before he spoke again. “Man, I hate Kyle,” he said.

“Ugh, me too,” I said, sounding too much like Cher Horowitz in Clueless for my liking, but it had already been said. “He is a total bitch.” Greg looked over at me and laughed.

“Yeah, he’s a total bitch.” I could feel my face get hot. I’d been more honest with him than with a lot of my friends in the Troupe. He wasn’t making fun of me, thankfully, but I tended to say a lot of stuff I didn’t mean to actually say. That was why I preferred not talking. That was why I preferred acting, because I had pre-written lines. I got to play a role, and I didn’t have to be myself, because when I was myself, I felt like a freak.

Lunch was almost over, and I’d forgotten to give him something from my bag. I leaned over, grabbing my bookbag and setting it on the seat next to me. I opened the front pocket and pulled out a king-sized package of Twix bars. “I meant to give these to you,” I said, sliding the candy towards him. “Chocolate always makes me feel better.” He laughed, and it was low and deep. I felt like I’d made some sort of faux pas. “I guess it was kind of silly.”

“No,” he said, smiling at me kindly. “I fucking punch you in the nose and you bring me chocolate. You’re not like a regular guy. I’m glad I’ve got a friend like you, Holden.” He opened the package and handed me one. We sat together, me eating one of the Twix bars, he the other three, until the bell rang.

After that, he started eating lunch with me every day. I was ecstatic about this development in our relationship. It was nice spending more intimate time with him, and less time at the Troupe’s lunch table with Kyle the Unbearable.

I was enjoying gym class even more too, and Coach White’s attitude didn’t detract from it one bit. Greg seemed to be filling out his shorts even more, and I knew it had to be from the snack table at rehearsals and the fact he practiced two times less a week.

We had been playing floor hockey recently. Watching our classmates jump out of Greg’s way or bounce off of his solid body was the highlight of my day. He didn’t try to knock people over, but I mean, if they were running full speed into a brick wall, they couldn’t expect to stay standing.

“It’s getting hard to manage everything,” he confided in me one day during our lunch sessions. “It takes me so long to practice the lines at home, I don’t finish my homework until almost one in the morning.”

“You do have a lot going on,” I said, wanting to help him in any way that I could. “Do you want to run lines together? And we could study too if you want?”

“Do you have the time to help me?” he asked, smiling shyly. “I don’t want you to get stressed out because you have to help my dumb ass.”

“I’ll help you,” I said. “But under one condition.”

“Yeah?”

“You aren’t allowed to talk bad about yourself. You aren’t dumb Greg, so I don’t want to hear you say that you are. Didn’t you tell me you hated when people call you stupid, so why is it you can do it to yourself?”

“I—I don’t know. I guess I just feel like maybe I am. I’m sorry.”

“So, we’ve got a deal?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. “Coach Sanders.” We both laughed at that and continued eating our lunches.

The next day I waited for him to get out of practice. He said we could study at his place and that he’d give me a ride home after. The thought of being in his bedroom was enough to have my stomach in knots the entire day. He came and found me in the auditorium after he was finished, and we walked out to his truck.

“How were rehearsals today?” he asked.

“They were fine. Kyle was just as obnoxious as usual.”

“I’m glad I didn’t have to deal with that today.” Walking next to him sure was something. I knew I wasn’t the tallest guy, but he made me feel microscopic. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. He had a duffel bag and his regular bookbag. “Thanks again for coming to help me out.”

“I’m happy to,” I said. “It’s good practice for me too.”

“But don’t you only have like fifteen lines?” he asked. I knew he was genuinely asking and not trying to be mean.

“Throwing shade,” I said jokingly. “You’ve been around Kyle too much.”

“I—I’m sorry,” he said, stopping in his tracks. “I just meant—it must not be—I wasn’t trying to be a dick.”

“I was just messing around,” I said, in disbelief of how cute he was. “I got my lines down in the first week. And it’s even sadder than just having fifteen lines. I have twelve.”

“I wish we could trade.”

“Don’t say that. You’re going to kill it.” We started walking towards his truck again. It was almost six o’clock. I told my parents I probably wouldn’t be back until around ten. “With my help you might even be nominated for a Tony.”

“What’s a Tony?”

We had a lot to go over during the car ride to his house.

The conversation in Greg’s truck didn’t make me feel awkward or nervous and it never felt like he was judging me or what I had to say. I was so at ease around Greg. When we pulled up outside of his place, I was kind of sad. I could’ve ridden around in his truck talking to him all night.

Greg’s house wasn’t the largest; it was built in the bungalow style. The whole thing was one floor. His room was towards the rear of the house, through the living room and kitchen. Ms. Williams was busy in the kitchen when we arrived, unpacking loads of grocery bags. She was about 5’1” and large. She had the Mary J. Blige cut circa 2009 and wore navy blue scrubs.

“Greg,” she said, looking at me excitedly. “Is this your friend Holden?”

“It’s nice to meet you Ms. Williams,” I said. “My name is Holden Sanders. Thanks for having me.”

“Greg, he’s so polite! And handsome too!” I laughed. I was really flattered. I thanked her for the compliment. “He mentioned you’d be coming over tonight. Are you staying for dinner?” she asked.

“Only if you wanna stay,” Greg added. He was so fucking cute. If I got to be around him, of course I’d stay for dinner. “It’s nacho night.”

“Sounds great,” I said, smiling. Ms. Williams then complimented my smile. She was gassing me up. I needed a hype-woman like her in my life.

We went to Greg’s room after that, and he asked if I’d be okay while he went to take a quick shower. “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I said.

He pulled off his sweatshirt and tossed it in a pile near the opening of his closet. I held my breath in anticipation of how much he’d take off in front of me. I should have looked the other way, but I didn’t want to waste this opportunity. He kicked off his sneakers and pulled off his socks, adding them to the pile before slipping on a pair of Nike slides.

He grabbed some items from his dresser and walked over towards his door. He turned back towards me, and I took him in again. He filled the door frame with how broad he was. Greg was at home and still seemed too big to be entirely comfortable. I wondered what showering was like for him. I hoped they had a detachable shower head so he wouldn’t have to struggle rinsing himself off. What I wouldn’t give to be in that shower with him.

“I’ll be back,” he said, walking away.

No longer entranced by Greg’s gorgeousness, I was able to take in his bedroom. There wasn’t much in terms of interior design, but he had his huge bed, a desk setup, a TV with a gaming system, and lots of different sneakers in their original boxes. He was such a guy.

A few minutes went by before there was a knock at Greg’s door.

“Um, come in!” I called. Ms. Williams entered.

“Do you need anything?” she asked. “Dinner won’t be ready until around seven-thirty.”

“I’m all good,” I replied. “Thank you for being so nice.”

“Oh, of course baby!” she said cheerily. “I am just so excited to meet one of Greg’s friends from school. I was worried he didn’t have any. He never brings anyone by to hang out.”

“I’m sure he has lots of friends on the team,” I offered.

“Maybe,” she said. “But he’s always been such a sensitive boy. I don’t think those boys really understand that.” She came further into the room. She seemed like she really had something to share with me, like this was confession in church, and I was the priest. “He was born premature, and I was terrified I was going to lose him. His dad was never the best and even when Greg was in the NICU fighting for his life, he rarely visited.”

“That’s awful,” I said, knowing my emotions were showing on my face. I could feel a huge frown fixed on my mouth.

“He never understood Greg. He was a terrible man.” She came closer, sitting on the bed next to me. I’d barely said two words to the parents of my other friends in the Troupe and I’d known most of them for over three years. Now here I was with Greg’s mom having a whole therapy session.

“Greg must not like him very much.”

“He was very hard on him.” She paused, like there was more to be said, but not like it could be shared at this moment. “I don’t think he could like his dad after how he was treated by him.”

We sat together in the silence before she chuckled under her breath. She looked over at me, smiling wide. She and Greg had the same megawatt smile.

“When Greg was a little boy, he loved Clifford the Big Red Dog. The boy was obsessed! He had all the books and the pajamas and the bedspreads. I think because he loved it so much, it’s the reason he grew as big as he is now. He was copying that damn dog!” She laughed loudly, playfully patting me on the shoulder. I laughed too, thinking about Greg not being absolutely gigantic.

“I don’t think Greg would ever tell me any of this,” I said, still laughing.

“Oh, he’s going to be a little Mr. Grumpypants when he finds out I’ve been in here talking to you.” She sighed. “I’m just so happy he’s becoming close to someone. His dad really instilled some negative things in him about his self-image. We got divorced when Greg was starting middle school.”

“He hasn’t really told me about it,” I said. “Maybe one day he will.”

“I think he might,” she said. “You’re all he ever talks about. ‘Holden is so smart, mom. Holden said I need to watch Dreamgirls. Do you think Holden would want to come play video games? Holden this and Holden that.’ It warms my heart, honestly.”

“I didn’t know he thought of me as such a good friend.” I smiled at her. “I’m glad though. Greg’s really cool.”

That’s when Greg came back to his room, stopping in the doorway when he saw his mom on the bed next to me. He groaned loudly. I could tell he was embarrassed. “Mom, please leave him alone. He’s gonna think there’s something wrong with me.”

“If your friends can’t talk to your mom, they shouldn’t be your friends.” She stood up from the bed and walked towards the door. “I’m going to go finish slaving over your dinner. Bye Holden-sweetheart.”

After she left it was just Greg and I in his bedroom. He didn’t say much for a while, and I think he was actually really embarrassed by his mom having been talking to me. He was wearing another pair of sweats now; they were black Adidas sweats with the white stripes up the side. They weren’t as baggy either, so I was able to see a better outline of his legs and butt. He also wore a simple gray t-shirt.

“Your mom is so nice,” I said, trying to alleviate some of the awkward tension.

“She told you the Clifford story, didn’t she?” he asked, certain his mom had gone into detail about his love of the big red dog.

“I’m not going to lie to you,” I said, feigning seriousness. “I know about the Clifford story. I would like to confess my obsession with Cyberchase.”

He laughed. I laughed. We laughed together and things began to feel less uncomfortable.

We got started running lines after that. We stood in the middle of his bedroom, both holding copies of the script. I didn’t need a copy. I’d committed the entire thing to memory, but it was important I was able to help Greg if he made a mistake. He played his one role, and I played all the other characters. He thought it was funny that I had different voices for everyone. His favorite would have to be when I did Curley’s Wife. He relaxed a lot when I did that one. He also thought it was amazing I had memorized everyone’s lines along with mine. I had a crazy good memory when it came to scripts, but a month after the show I wouldn’t even remember half of these lines. Hell, maybe it should have been a two man show.

He was fantastic when he was at ease. He had great comedic timing and he knew exactly when to play up the serious scenes. We’d gotten through a majority of the script when his mom called us for dinner.

We ate and talked. After dinner we worked on homework and did a bit of studying. He took me home before it got too late. That had been one of the best nights I’d had in a long time.

We kept up our mini rehearsals every other day for about a month and everyone was amazed at how well he was doing when we got together after school. I was proud of him, and it made me feel good to know I was the reason he was improving. It felt good to know that he was my friend, even if I was still incredibly attracted to him.

The play was a week away, meaning we’d entered tech week, so Greg was officially done with football until after Thanksgiving. At that point they’d be in the playoffs.

I’d bought everyone costumes and I liked to think that I did a fantastic job. Everyone tried on their stuff last month when I first bought the clothes. Nobody had gotten any bigger or taller, so I was sure everything would fit.

Well, almost nobody had gotten bigger.

“Holden,” I heard Greg call. I walked over to the door his head was peering out of. It was the small bathroom behind the stage. He stepped back to allow me to enter and closed the door. “My costume, uh, it—it doesn’t fit anymore,” he said. He was right. It didn’t fit. The hooks of the overalls wouldn’t even meet the front part. His belly was too big. His thighs filled out the overalls completely. They were the biggest thighs I had ever seen and all I could think about was my head in between them with his dick in my mouth. “I ripped out the back too.” He turned around and I saw a very large rip down his meaty backside.

“Well, I could—.” I was thinking. I had no idea what I could do, not in this very moment at least. “Just wear your regular clothes and tell him you can’t find your costume. Take it off and give it here,” I said. He pulled off the denim fabric and I almost passed out from how quickly my penis stiffened.

Those big beefy legs—oh God. I couldn’t help but imagine them bucking behind me. He unbuttoned his plaid shirt as well. He was standing in front of me wearing nothing but his underwear. He pulled on his jeans and put on his sweatshirt.

“Thanks for not laughing,” he said as he walked by me to leave the bathroom. I was so enamored that I hadn’t covered my crotch. I prayed he didn’t feel my erection as he walked by me. If he did, he didn’t say anything.

I measured him again later and when I went to hunt down some more overalls, I went up a size larger than I thought we’d need. They were huge, but hell, I thought the last pair of overalls were enormous. I saw him the next day and told him that I had bought him a new outfit and he thanked me again.

It made sense why he needed a new costume. I was pretty sure Greg was a nervous eater. But then again, I noticed he also ate a lot when we rehearsed at his house, and he didn’t seem nervous at all then. Maybe he just ate a lot, and he didn’t need a reason besides liking food. I liked that he liked food. It just made him all the more attractive to me.

The football team did not like Greg missing two weeks of games. They’d gone into overdrive in regard to fucking with us drama-geeks. I noticed they didn’t really mess with me though. I think it was because I was always around Greg now. I heard a rumor that they planned on convincing everyone not to come and see the play. I hoped that wasn’t true.

So things kept moving forward. Sets were built, costumes were finalized, mics were assigned, and blocking was underway. The play was in three days, and we stayed and ran through the entire thing twice every day.

I could tell the fact that things became more fast-paced had started to get to Greg. I knew he liked to eat, and it was really cute how much he enjoyed all the cast food, but every spare moment he was munching on something. He’d even ended up on stage with food in his mouth a few times. The new overalls were holding up okay though. I wanted to ask him how much he weighed. I really wanted to know.

“Hey, how much do you have to weigh for wrestling?” I asked one day at lunch. I figured he was going to wrestle once the play was over. I saw it once and it looked hard, but he looked amazing in the singlet. It was like the gym uniform, only better.

“I don’t think I’m gonna wrestle this year,” he said, sounding really self-conscious. “I barely qualified for the highest weight class last year—and that’s 285 pounds.” He placed his large hand on his even larger belly as he munched on some potato chips. “I’ve gained a lot of weight recently.” Oh, and I’d noticed. “I’m probably up 60 pounds from last winter.”

When he said that, I—of course—got an erection. I was a freaking sex fiend or something. I needed to calm down.

“Cool,” I said. Cool? What was so cool about it? I didn’t want to say anything stupid, and I ended up saying the absolute dumbest thing in the world. He just laughed and kept eating.

“I’m way more invested in football,” he said, still eating. “I’ve got college scouts coming to see me play in the playoffs. I just wish I’d been practicing more with the team.”

“I’m sorry Greg,” I said. Mr. Murray and his determination to get us a Lennie could have fucked with Greg’s collegiate dreams. Football was his future, not acting. It was way more important than Of Mice and Men.

“I’m not,” he said seriously. We were alone at our table. I’d grown accustomed to us living within our own bubble. Just me and him. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’ll be doing another play, but I’m getting B’s in all my classes and I’m getting to spend time with you. You’ve helped me do stuff I never thought possible. It makes me think that maybe college won’t be so bad. I figured the only way I’d make it through was because I was gonna be playing ball, but maybe—maybe I’m smart enough too.”

“It sucks to think we just got to know each other this year,” I said. “You’re one incredible person Gregory Deshawn Williams.”

“I thought it’d be scary having you say my full name, but I like it when you say it.” He looked down at the food he had left, selecting his next delectable morsel. “It’s cute.”

I just laughed. I didn’t know what else to do. His mom had said he was sensitive, not gay. Greg was probably just a guy that didn’t embrace toxic masculinity. Him saying that I was cute didn’t mean what I wanted it to mean. I didn’t want to harm this friendship. I’d rather have Greg as a friend than not at all.

Opening night caused the most anxiety ever, for anyone. I put on my jeans, flannel shirt, cowboy hat, and cowboy boots backstage before putting on a light layer of stage makeup. I did Greg’s face too, but his was even lighter. He was sweating so much I didn’t want his face to look runny.

“Calm down,” I said. “Your energy can throw off the entire show.” His eyes widened and I knew I’d chosen the wrong way to phrase that. Theater people were a little blunter than I think he could handle. “Greg, you’re going to do great. Just imagine it’s me and you up there.” He stopped fidgeting after that, taking a deep breath.

“I’m so nervous I haven’t eaten since lunchtime,” he said. That was all I needed to hear. If Greg had skipped dinner, he must have been terrified of going up there.

“We’ll eat a whole bunch after the show,” I promised.

“My mom’s here,” he said. “She said that she was glad I was doing something more intellectually stimulating.” He sighed. “She probably thinks I’m stupid too.”

“She doesn’t,” I said, quickly defending Ms. Williams, my number one fan. “You’re not stupid. You’ve never been stupid. And you know your mom would kill you if she heard you talking like this.” I knew he needed more support. This was his very first show ever! I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. I could feel his warm hand on my back as he hugged me in return. We stopped embracing one another and he smiled at me. He could do this. I knew he could. The opening music started, and Kyle took his place next to Greg, rudely bumping me out of the way in the process. “Break a leg,” I whispered as he walked on stage.

The show moved along, and I went out four times to deliver lines. I was only in two scenes with Greg, but I made sure to give him a discrete thumbs up. He nodded slightly and smiled. He did really well. I was definitely a Greg stan, but he killed it out there on stage! He remembered all of his lines, he made all of his position marks, and got a ton of laughs. I was so happy. Kyle flubbed twice, and I reveled in his mediocrity.

Afterwards, Greg and I found Ms. Williams. She told me I did a fantastic job and that I was very handsome on stage. I noticed she nudged Greg in the side slightly when she said that I was handsome. “You are going to be the next Michael B. Jordan,” she said. “When you’re famous don’t forget about me!”

She turned to Greg, tears in her eyes, and hugged him. She was so proud of him, and it showed. It was making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He’d worked so hard, and it was paying off. “You liked the show?” he asked.

“I loved the show,” she said. “I loved seeing you up there.”

My mom and dad and brothers were here too. They made their way over to where I stood with Greg and his mother. My family met Ms. Williams and they chatted for what felt like hours. While our parents talked, the twins joked around with Greg about how big he was. My brothers, Charlie and Sammie, were ten.

“You could be in WWE,” Charlie said.

“It’d be so cool,” Sammie added. “You could probably lift both of us at the same time!”

“Yeah!” Charlie added enthusiastically. “Holden never plays WWE with us.”

“Well, if I was on a team with Greg I’d play,” I said. “You guys kick my butt when it’s two-on-one.” That started an argument between them. They both wanted to partner up with Greg and they were debating who’d be stuck with me. Greg just laughed and laughed. I was worried he’d be annoyed by my kid brothers, but he was handling them really well.

Standing in a cluster, Greg towered over all of us. My mom was 5’2” and my dad was the same height as me. The twins were still growing, but I doubted they’d grow much taller than me or my dad. And Ms. Williams was tiny as well. He was truly a giant amongst men.

Everyone talked a little while longer, but the auditorium began to clear out aside from Mr. Murray and the rest of the cast and crew. We cleaned off all the makeup and changed clothes. We gathered in a circle for post-show notes. It was just observations that Mr. Murray and Eva noted during the performance that could be improved upon in the next show. Greg was the only one who didn’t have something to improve on. It killed Kyle, who’d been reprimanded over his missed lines and incorrect positioning on the stage.

Unfortunately, the cast party was going to be at Kyle’s house. I wanted to go because opening night deserved to be celebrated, but I was likely just going to head home. I was sure the Troupe would be upset if I didn’t go, but Kyle’s attitude was going to be a lot to deal with. I was the only one who ever called him out and that meant I was the one he was going to take his aggression out on.

“Are we going to the cast party?” Greg asked once we made our way to the parking lot. He’d told my parents he’d give me a ride home. I wondered if he actually wanted to go or if he was suggesting we go because he thought it was what I wanted.

“Yeah, sure,” I said. “Only if you don’t mind going. We don’t have to stay long.” It was about nine forty-five and really nice for November. I sat in the passenger’s seat, and we drove to Kyle’s house. It was an older house and really big. It looked kind of haunted.

We saw Jane, who played Curley’s Wife, and we all went inside together. There were thirty people involved with the production and they were all here. Greg and I talked about the performance, sitting at a table alone just like at lunchtime. A bunch of the Troupe were drinking and smoking and making out. Drama-geeks were just as debaucherous as all other high school cliques.

He said that he was so nervous at first, he thought he was going to throw up. “You can just feel the audience when you’re up there,” he said. “It’s almost like we’re animals in a zoo.” I laughed.

He was munching on those little sandwiches they have at parties. He must’ve eaten half of one of those huge trays by himself. “Hey, quit eating all the goddamn food,” Kyle said, walking over to where we sat away from everyone. He’d been so loud that nearly all the partygoers looked over at us now. My face was so hot it felt like someone had a spotlight on me. “I mean, I doubt you had to gain any weight for this role, idiot.” Greg stopped eating.

“And you, I bet you loved when I messed up, didn’t you?” Oh my God. I was so mad. He wanted to start some shit? It was one thing to fuck with me, but to constantly belittle Greg? I had been waiting to go off completely on Kyle for weeks.

“I did,” I said honestly. “I told you that you couldn’t act.”

“You’re fucking Whit, Holden. You aren’t Broadway material.”

“Neither are you!” I could feel my voice becoming shrill, but I had adrenaline pumping through my system and I wasn’t going to stop. “You spent months talking mad shit about Greg and he stole the whole fucking show. You should be thanking him for making you look halfway decent.”

He glared at me for a moment before slapping a cup full of soda into my lap. What a bitch move.

“How’s that feel? Figured you could use a drink from how thirsty you are for Lennie.” I was mortified. He didn’t have to say that. I couldn’t even bring myself to look in Greg’s direction.

“You’re a real bitch, you know that right?” I asked rhetorically, standing. He shoved me hard and I stumbled back into my chair, banging my head against the wall of his basement.

Greg stood up and grabbed Kyle by the collar of his shirt. I could see he wanted to knock Kyle’s teeth to the back of his throat, but he was able to restrain himself. He shook Kyle violently. “Say you’re sorry,” Greg boomed.

“No way,” Kyle said, being very bold for someone who could potentially meet Jesus in the next thirty seconds.

“I wasn’t asking you,” Greg barked, pushing Kyle so hard he fell on his ass. “You either apologize to Holden or I’ll bash your fucking face in.” I was living! I wanted nothing more than for Kyle to reap what he had sewn for weeks. I looked over at Greg and I could tell he was having a hard time; he didn’t want to do this, be the type of guy to hurt someone else. That really put a damper on how Kyle was getting his just desserts. Greg was breathing really heavily, and I knew that if he started in on Kyle nobody would be able to stop him.

“Fuck him,” I said, standing again. “I don’t need his apology. Let’s just get out of here.”

Greg looked over at me, still breathing heavily. He didn’t say anything, but I could tell he was starting to soften again. After a few more seconds, he just walked away. He left the house and I followed. Even his exit was totally badass.

I caught up to Greg as he left the house. He wasn’t nearly as angry as he’d been a few seconds ago, but I could still feel rage radiating off of him. I appreciated him standing up for me even though he preferred avoiding confrontations.

I wished my jeans weren’t so tight. They weren’t skinny jeans per se, but they weren’t as loose as some guys liked. The wet spot on my crotch had soaked through into my underwear. I hated how it felt, all damp and sticky. I wanted to go home so I could change, but I didn’t want that to mean we’d be done seeing one another for the evening. We walked to his truck and got in. He was still really upset so he hadn’t said anything.

“I’ll take you home,” he said finally, sitting back in his seat, a scowl on his face and his hands in fists. It made me feel like he was upset with me. Maybe he didn’t like that I’d put him in that situation. I shouldn’t have antagonized Kyle. I should have followed Greg’s example and ignored trivial bullshit.

“I’m really sorry about what happened in there,” I said, hating the idea that my pettiness could have completely ruined the vibe we’d built up. “I shouldn’t have said those things to Kyle. I shouldn’t have gotten you involved in that drama. I’m not usually a messy person.”

“You’re always standing up for me and treating me like I have something to offer besides playing football.” His voice was deep and clear. He looked over at me, his eyes watery. “I’m not as strong as I look. Kyle talking to me like that just makes me think of my dad. I’m just—I’m so angry Holden and I don’t like it. I don’t want to be like that.”

“You could’ve hurt him, but you didn’t. I’d be lying if I said that in that moment I didn’t want you to let him have it, but you have real strength Greg. You are constantly surprising me with how kind you are. I admire you a lot.”

“Thank you,” he said, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

“If you take me home, would you want to hang out for a bit?” I asked. “I—I’m not ready for the night to end yet.”

“I’m not either,” he said, laughing, looking over at me in my soaked jeans. “You could take off your pants if they’re bothering you. I wouldn’t mind. I can crank the heat.” He wasn’t coming on to me, I had to remind myself. That didn’t stop me from thinking about sex and getting a boner. I was so embarrassed. I needed to learn to control my sexual urges. I wasn’t twelve anymore and these constant erections were so juvenile.

“My underwear is wet too,” I said. He rummaged through the back seat before handing me a pair of his gigantic sweatpants. “Well, if I get out to change, will you watch to make sure nobody is coming?” Being naked in front of him was bad enough, but I still had a semi-hard penis in my pants. I’d just have to move quickly and keep in mind he wasn’t interested in looking in my direction.

“Yeah, of course.” He coughed slightly. “I’ll be lookout.” We both got out of his truck, and I walked to the driver’s side, which was facing the street. I held his sweatpants in my hands as I looked up at him. We just stood there looking at one another until he finally said, “Oh, sorry, I’ll turn the other way.” He shifted his body, so he wasn’t looking in my direction.

I removed my sneakers so I could take off the jeans. Then I peeled off the moist Calvin Klein briefs. I could feel the cool November breeze on my ass and balls. My heart was beating out of my chest. I wanted him to look at me and like what he saw. I wanted him to rip my shirt off so that I was completely nude in front of him. He could push me up against his truck and do whatever he wanted to me. Fuck. I had fallen for him hard. I pushed my fantasies to the back of my mind, finally pulling on the sweats and slipping my shoes back on. I could fit in one of the pant legs comfortably if I wanted to. I had to hold the waistband in a ball so they wouldn’t fall down.

“All good,” I said.

Once we were back inside of his truck, he started the engine and drove to my house. It was about a twenty-minute drive. It was nearly eleven at this point, and my parents would likely have an issue with Greg and I hanging out in the house so late when everyone else was sleeping.

“Where are we going?” he asked, whispering, following me into the backyard.

“My secret fort,” I replied.

We walked quietly for a few moments before coming to stand before a quaint wooden structure in our backyard. It had been here for nearly ten years now. My dad had built it for me, and now the twins played in it from time to time. It was a fairly simple design. It had one large entrance and two small windows. It sat on top of a large wooden base.

“I don’t think I’m gonna fit in there,” he said, laughing.

“You can fit,” I said, not entirely sure if that was true. I entered first, filling the space away from the door. There was plenty of room left, I thought. I watched him through the window. He crouched down, his body filling the entire doorway. Shit, maybe he wouldn’t fit.

He turned slightly, sucking in his stomach. He sat next to me, both of his legs hanging out of the door. “I guess we can count this as me fitting.”

“Is this how Emily Elizabeth feels dealing with Clifford?” I asked.

“Shut up,” he said, laughing. I laughed too and it just felt so right. Everything about being with him felt so effortless. I was falling in love with him. I was suddenly very sad. I couldn’t sit here and fantasize about Greg. He wasn’t interested in me, and I was deluding myself hoping for anything more than being friends. I had to stop hoping for a relationship more romantic and physical in nature. I had to be appreciative that I’d gotten to know such a kind and gentle person.

He lifted his arm and placed it around me. “Sorry, it’s a bit of a tight fit in here.”

“Oh, it’s fine.” He just needed to get more comfortable. He wasn’t making a move on me. I looked up to see if I could tell what he was thinking. I could barely see his face in the darkness, but it didn’t seem like he was feeling what I was. We sat in the dark like that for a while, just existing with one another.

“Holden?” he called, his arm still around me.

“Yeah?” I answered.

“Are you gay?” I couldn’t look at him again, and even if I could, it wouldn’t have made it any easier to understand what he was thinking. I could feel my chest tighten, my heart beating a mile a minute. I wanted to hop out of the playhouse and run as far away from here as possible, but I couldn’t just leave him out here. I also wouldn’t be able to get out of here with him blocking the door. Maybe I could squeeze through one of the tiny windows. “I mean, I don’t care if you are. Because I—I—I like you Holden. I really like you.”

“I am gay,” I said shakily. “I really like you too.” He looked down at me. I looked up at him. It was so strange how much better I could see him now.

He pulled me closer. I could feel his body heat. I could smell him. He smelled like aftershave and stage makeup and faintly of party sandwiches. His massive arm pulled me closer still. His large hand held the back of my head.

He kissed me and I kissed him back. This was nothing like kissing boys at parties this past summer at theater camp. “I gotta be honest,” he said, pulling away. “I was checking you out earlier tonight. You got a phat ass, Holden.”

He’d been looking at me? And he liked what he saw? I couldn’t believe it. I kissed his face softly, enjoying how smooth his skin was.

“Well, I’ve got to be honest with you,” I whispered. “I’ve been checking you out all year.” He smiled, his teeth bright in the night. He pulled me even closer. I could smell him even better; feel his warmth on my body. I placed my hand on his stomach, enjoying the heft of it. Greg was a fucking ten.

The patio light came on and we both jumped. “Holden?” my father called. He could probably see Greg’s legs sticking out of the playhouse.

“Yeah dad! It’s me!” I responded. “And Greg!”

“Well say goodnight and come inside. It’s getting late.” He wasn’t coming outside. He probably assumed something way raunchier was going on inside of the secret fort. “You get home safe Greg!”

“Yes sir, I will,” Greg replied. We heard the sliding sound of the patio doors. Greg shimmied his way out of the playhouse, thankfully not getting stuck. I followed and then walked him to his truck.

“Text me when you get home,” I said.

“I will.” He smiled at me. “Thanks for everything tonight. It was definitely memorable.”

He wasn’t wrong about that, and I was happy. I was so incredibly happy.

After all of that we still had seven shows to do. Kyle skipped like an entire section in the second show and Greg totally saved him by inventing new lines to get us back on track. When Kyle came off stage his face was so red! He couldn’t tell Greg he was stupid then.

I hadn’t looked directly at Greg since that night in my secret fort. I was too nervous. It had been two days and I assumed we were still, like, together, but we didn’t say anything about it. It was kind of weird. I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t. I had no lines to recite.

The morning of our third show, Kyle quit the play. I thought it was hilarious, but Mr. Murray didn’t. He was freaking out about how we still had six shows to put on. Greg told him I knew all the lines. I didn’t even want to be George anymore, not like this anyway. I had wanted to earn it.

“You can do it? You know the lines?” Mr. Murray asked frantically. I told him that I did, and he told me “Whit has nearly no lines, somebody else won’t have a problem with the role.” After that I was George.

My family came back to see the show, and Ms. Williams had been to see every single one. I got to act with Greg, which went absolutely amazing since we had been practicing together. He seemed to be doing even better with me as George instead of Kyle.

The final show actually sold out all three hundred seats. It was a Sunday matinee, and the entire football team was there—even Coach White! I couldn’t believe they all cheered for us, louder than any applause I’d ever experienced. They hooted and hollered for ten minutes, chanting Greg’s name. I think it meant a lot to him. This was some serious High School Musical-Troy Bolton-“Breaking Free” shit.

We walked out after changing and went over to Greg’s truck. We had started talking more and more. “Do you want to come over, maybe?” I asked. “My mom and dad are out of town visiting my grandma with the twins.”

“Yeah, I’m down.” He hadn’t gotten to see the inside of my house last time, so I gave him a quick tour. It was pretty big, like Kyle’s haunted mansion, but a lot more inviting. It had two floors, a basement, and an attic. My room was in the attic, which I had entirely to myself.

We entered my bedroom and I flicked on the overhead light. He looked around and noticed my bookshelf. It had mostly plays and classic literature on it. I took my bookshelf very seriously, but I swear I wasn’t pretentious about it. “Jesus, look at all these books,” he said.

“I try to read a new play every week,” I said. I sat on my bed, and he sat next to me. I leaned on his shoulder, and he moved his arm around my waist and pulled me a bit closer. I loved when he did that. “I have some I think you’d really like if you want to borrow one.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Can I kiss you?” I asked. He nodded and I got on my knees in my bed so that we were at a more even height. We kissed for the first time since the night in the playhouse. It was amazing. His lips were so soft and smooth. He pulled at my shirt, and I helped him get it off. He touched my chest, and I could feel every hair on my body stand on end. It was euphoric, yet strange, to have somebody else touch my body. I had never been touched like this before.

I pulled off his sweatshirt and my already erect penis stiffened even more. I was so glad we had the house to ourselves. He was so big. His gut was round and meaty. He had hair leading down from around his belly button to his pubic area. I finally got to feel it.

He undid his pants button at the same time I undid mine. I was so excited; I thought that my heart was going to beat out of my chest. My pants came off and I was in my black briefs. He was standing, and I was on my knees in the bed facing him. I kissed his chest. It tasted good, like clean and sweat at the same time.

“Do you have any lube?” he asked.

“It’s in the top drawer of my dresser,” I said, pointing across the room. He sauntered over to it, his back looking ridiculously sexy. I wanted to touch every part of him. I wanted to leave no area unmarked by my hands (and mouth). His jeans sagged down in the back and the slope of his lower back to the top of his ass was so extreme. I wanted to see him completely naked.

He walked back over to me, lube in hand. He stood before me again and pulled off the rest of his clothes. I reached out, touching his stomach before my hand traveled down to his dick. It was thick and long. He had to be at least nine inches. “I’m a little nervous.”

“Me too,” he said. “We can stop if you want.”

“No, I don’t want to stop. I want to do this with you.” He smiled, his large hand pushing me onto my back. He put on a condom from his wallet. He grabbed my underwear and pulled it down. My penis bobbed freely from its confine. He covered his dick with lube before gently massaging my hole with lubed up fingers.

He got on his knees as he continued massaging my hole. He brought his face close to my penis, licking the shaft. He grabbed it with his free hand and stroked it a few times before popping the head into his mouth. He sucked on it greedily, like it was some sort of tasty treat. I was so excited I thought I would cum any second.

“Greg,” I managed to get out. “You’ve got to stop or I’ll cum too soon.” He ignored me, continuing to take my entire dick in his mouth. I thought for sure it was all over, but he stopped just in time. There were no words to describe the way I was currently feeling. This was unscripted. I just had to enjoy the moment.

He stood, removing his fingers from inside me, and positioned me so that I was close enough to the edge that he could still have access to my ass. I was on my back; my legs were in the air and kind of on his chest. He bent his knees, trying to guide his penis inside of me, but he was too tall. I grabbed a pillow and placed it under my lower back, which helped considerably. “You better let me know if it hurts.” Even now he was concerned with hurting another person. I loved this guy.

He slowly entered me with the tip of his dick. He kept it there for a few moments, allowing me to get used to it before pushing more and more of himself inside of me. “It—it feels good,” I moaned. I was feeling bashful, so I covered my face with my arm.

He thrust his hips and I could feel his belly on my penis, shifting back and forth as he moved. “Move your arm,” he said assertively. “I wanna see that cute face.”

I did as he said, looking up at him. He licked his lips and it just turned me on even more.

“Fuck—,” he groaned, moving more slowly, switching up the rhythm. His belly had been rubbing me off, and I came after a few more minutes. Cum spurted on my stomach and partially on his gut. He wasn’t done yet, and he kept pushing into me at a steady pace. I was still rock hard and enjoyed the ride until he finished about a minute later.

“We’ve got to do that again,” I said, panting. I stood, my legs wobbly, and grabbed a towel from my closet so that I could clean us up.

“We most definitely do.”

We even took a shower together after that. It was a good thing we had a detachable shower head because it did make it easier for him to rinse himself off. We were both hard the entire time, and I knew we’d be very busy the rest of the night.

In the end, Greg and the rest of the football team made it to state, even taking the title. My entire family and Ms. Williams wore jerseys with his number on it. The scouts had come out to see him play and he killed it. He’d gotten multiple offers, but he was going to commit to the school closest to mine. Our campuses would only be a thirty-minute drive from one another. Greg wasn’t able to go back to wrestling. The coach, he told me, was extremely shocked by how much weight he had put on. He was well over 360 pounds, which was more than seventy pounds in a year. He spent the winter eating and conditioning and growing stronger. He may have had a belly, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a ton of muscle.

I ended up getting a substantial role in the winter drama and the lead in the musical, so there was no more crying in the bathroom stalls for me. But honestly, even if I had been cast in a Whit-like role, I wouldn't have cared because Greg and I were together.

Kyle didn’t audition for the winter drama or the musical. It was awesome; both shows went so much more smoothly without him.

I’d been reading the play As You Like It and Shakespeare was really on to something when he said all the world’s a stage. I didn’t have to wait for lines, and I didn’t need to shrink into the background. If my life was a production, I had to make sure it was Tony-worthy. And I knew Greg would be one hell of a co-star.

The End!

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