#like the whole time watching it I felt so happy and sad and nostalgic. like you know it’s the end. you knoe it’s coming

[moneymasnn]

Right Timing | Charles Leclerc

Notes: 11k words of Charles and y/n pinning for each other…your all (hopefully) going to love it xx

this is my first post in about 6 months and I'm so happy to be back! thank you all for the continuous love and support I fucking love this app. this fic hasn't been proof read but oh well, ignore some spelling mistakes, sorry. anyways... ENJOY!!!

Blurb: One where you have a huge crush on your best friend's brother, the one and only charles leclerc, since you were a teenager, with him continuously telling you he was too old for you and you had no chance. You eventually gave up hope and moved on. But did charles? (Best friends brother troop/ slight enemy’s to lovers troop/ Older boy and younger girl)

Warnings: lots of angst, crying, sad y/n and sad Charles. lots of arguments and slight nsfw? but not really. Small age gap.

11.1k words

Arthur leclerc, your best friend since nursery… Your favourite partner in crime, your favourite laugh on a bad day, your favourite person in the whole wide world. Best to be described as home, your comfort person. He was the voice within reason, all that was right in the world. 

He's your best friend.

Y/n y/l/n, she was truly and utterly his favourite thing about the world. He counts his lucky stars he has her to help him carry his weight. Y/n was the only person Arthur let visit him when his dad died, and in his books, that made her alright. Sure she would make him want to scream and cry and punch walls, especially with her choice in men. But Arthur was always there for her, when she needed to laugh or to cry he knew what it was she needed at any given moment, he could read her like she was his favourite book. 

She was his best friend. 

—

How it started:

A little girl with puffy red cheeks sat at the bottom of the nursery playground. Her legs crossed on the green summer time grass as she sniffled again, gently plucking a daisy for the ground before adding it to the daisy chain she was making. She liked to say she enjoyed her own presence, but truly she was distracting herself from the lack of company. With the other young girls teasing her for her wild curly hair, she willingly chose to be sat on the grass of the playground alone.

“Hey! Can you teach me how you did that? I wanna make one for my mum!”

And with no regard for her personal space he sat down next to her on the grass, squashing half of her daisy chain, but she didn't tell him that.

He didn't care that she was crying or that she had poofy hair or that she was even a girl, he was eager to learn her talents and carry on with his lunch break.

But when Arthur noticed the signs that the girl was rather shy and sad he thought he would stay with her for the rest of lunch, keep her company.

Little did she know this company wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

And at age five, the pair promised to be friends for life.

It didn't take long for them to get their mothers talking, and after that it was set in stone, playdate after playdate. Arthur's mum became your mum's hairdresser, so there were many nostalgic memories for the two in the salon, especially when y/n would accompany her mother to her appointments. The pair's best memory is y/n letting Arthur cut her hair in the storage cupboard of his mum's shop. The horror on both parents' faces when one of y/n's pig tails were held in the hand of the young boy.

Their friendship only bloomed from there…

After spending almost every weekend watching Arthur and his older brother race in karts in the rain, to spending most afternoons around the leclerc residence playing with Arthur on his xbox, the girl felt like family.

When she was young she always found herself drawn to the middle leclerc. He was away a lot of the time, karting. He was slightly older so no doubt he found the pair childish and would always moan when he was made to spend time with them.

Charles' mother was the first to figure out your little crush on the boy. She first noticed it when you joined the family on a winter skiing trip, you were around thirteen. It was your first time up in the mountains, so when your arms started to wave and you felt your body lean way too far back Charles did the only morally right thing, dropping the glove he was putting on and outstretching his body to catch you in time.

He didn't catch you in time. 

Instead his heroic act to save you turned into humiliation when he realised you had taken him down with you.

Pascal carefully watched as you turned around, her eyes glued to yours that were glued to her sons. She watched your tinted red cheeks as Charles scoffed and begged you to get off of him as his bare hands were now engulfed in the thick snow, causing him to suffer with a cold for the rest of the holiday.

Your eyes widened and sparked at the sight of him. You would gaze up at him like he hung the moon and the stars, an expression his mother would soon get used to as she watched you fall for her son over the next few years. 

Charles was older, and very uninterested. He didn't find your little crush as cute as everyone else did, the thought it made him look uncool. He would roll his eyes when you would grab his arm or duck when you would try to kiss his cheek. He hated when your families would go out for meals and you would sit next to him, or how you would call him after a race to congratulate him, no matter his result.

Charles always saw you as his little brother's best friend, nothing more and nothing less.

That was until your first boyfriend. A three year age gap wasn't that big of a deal as they all grew older. Charles found himself having mutual friends with his brother and would occasionally bump into Arthur and you at a party.

You were 16, you thought you had met the love of your life, an older boy, he was 18, around charles age who was now 19 and worming his way into f2. 

Arthur didn't approve of Joao. He knew you were trying to prove to charles that the age gap isn't that big of a deal after his brother had repetitively told you you were to young for him, but somewhere down the line you found yourself mesmerised by Joaos eyes and that was it for you, charles no longer rented the forefront of your mind.

Joao was great, at first. You knew he wasn't the love of your life, but for the moment he looked to play the role quite well, and you were happy. You just didn't expect it to end like it did, maybe age gaps do matter?

You were at some house party in the hills of monaco, some friend of Joaos. You were downstairs in the kitchen with Arthur as he watched you drink your body weight in alcohol. He could tell something was bothering you but he chose not to mention it. In all your years of friendship he knew you would come to him eventually. 

“Where is the lover boy anyway?” he spoke up.

Your lack of response is when Arthur clocked onto your boyfriend being the reason for your excessive drinking. Him ditching you, yet again.

You slammed down your empty red cup, wiping the dribble from your chin as you decided enough was enough and you looked for the presence of your boyfriend. 

Arthur bid you good luck on your travels as his attention was now turned to the girl he had been eyeing up across the room.

And with your liquid courage you stumbled around the party. The house was huge. Gigantic windows that draped around the whole house. Everywhere you looked was so picturesque, making you fall in love with Monaco more and more. From the kitchen window you could see the river of lights leading down to the beach front. From the other end you could see continuous hills leading up into the stary sky, tiny specs of light from homes probably just as big and fancy as the one you were currently standing in swarmed your vision, a far cry from the apartment you and your mother shared where your view was a brick wall to another apartment complex.

Your heels were rubbing the back of your ankles as your hands gripped the bottom of your dress pulling it down as it was miles too short as you made your way out to the garden.

And there he sat, on the steps leading to the lit up outdoor pool, your boyfriend. A skinny little blonde girl sat on his knee. She was older than you, clearly. She took the cigarette from his lips and placed it on her own as her other arm draped over his shoulder. It was like this week after week, it was like you were a ghost.

This isn't the young love you put out for, and you decided enough was enough.

You always forgave him, but tonight was different. This night changed everything.

Tears welled in your eyes as you turned back into the house, you were going home. Joao caught a glimpse of this as he jumped up and followed you back into the house, why he would always chase after you you still don't know.

“Y/n, baby stop.” you ignored the sound of his voice as you pushed through the crowds of people to get back to the kitchen in hopes that Arthur was still there. He wasn't.

You made it to the kitchen before he grabbed the back of your arm pushing you against the kitchen island. His hand came up to wipe away a fallen strand of hair as he tucked it behind your ear.

“Come on y/n i didn't even do anything-”

“She was on your lap.” your voice crooked, you so desperately didn't want to be the little girl everyone thought you was and cry, not in front of everyone anyway. 

“It's not that big of a deal-”

“It is that big of a deal! I'm humiliated!” you shouted back, creating a scene you so desperately wanted to avoid.

“I just- I just want to go home.” you said in between sniffles.

“Baby, don't cry, let's just go back to mine, okay? I'll call a taxi-”

“No, I want to go home, my home.” you begged, the tears were falling now.

His grip tightened around your arm as you tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

“I need to find Arthur, and I need to go home.” you said, pushing his arm as he still had you pinned against the counter.

“Oh come on y/n, drop the act you know you want to come back to mine.”

You threw your head back dodging his fingers that were trying to touch your hair again, avoiding his eyes.

“Joao let go, you're hurting me.”

That only made his grip tighten around your arms, pushing you against the counter even harder than before. As he leant down to your ear-

“She said let go mate.”

Your vision was too blurry to focus on what happened next, but you felt joao grip loosen as he stood back.

“Yeah and what are you gonna do about it, leclerc?”

That's when punches were thrown and Joao was hunched over holding his busted lip. Joao was grabbed by another person before he could lunge back at who you assumed was Arthur, but as you turned your head you saw a different leclerc shaking his hand. His knuckles were red, and his eyes were darker than the ones you were used to, charles.

“y/n get in the car.” he said, you stood up, sniffing and nodding your head. But then you remembered your missing friend.

“Arthur-”

“I'll get him. Get in the car.” his tone was strong, not what you were used to from the middle leclerc. 

You waited by his car in the cold for a few moments just before Charles came out the house, a stumbling tipsy Arthur under his arm. There was pink lip gloss smeared over his cheeks and lips, and at that moment you felt a small smile creep on your face. 

However, the car ride home was silent, you sat in the front with Charles, as Arthur passed out in the back seat. Faint french music played from the radio as charles eyes were firmly gripped on the road.

As you rounded the street to your home Charles finally spoke up, “You really know how to pick them.”

You sniffled again, unable to reply to him mainly because he was right and you were embarrassed. As the car came to a stop Charles undid his seat belt mumbling that he would walk you to your door.

He balanced on the back of his heels as he watched the moonlight highlight your tear stained cheeks. Charles thought you looked beautiful that night even though you had been crying for the last half an hour, your hair hadn't been brushed and you were rummaging through your purse like a mad woman, he still thought you were pretty. He would never tell you that though.

“Don't tell me you've lost-”

“Got them!” You giggled, shaking your keys in the air before whipping your nose for what felt like the fifth time that night. You stalled as you pushed the key in the door, turning to look Charles in his eye for the first time since the party.

“Thank you-” but he cut you off, not wanting to hear it. You were his brother's best friend, Arthur wouldn't forgive him if he ever watched you in a position like the one that night and didn't do anything.

“Dont.”

“No really, thank you, charles.” You smiled, Charles smiled too, mainly because it was probably the first time you had called him Charles and not charlie.

After a moment you dropped your bag on the floor and wrapped your arms around the boy's waist, your head rested on his chest as he hastily moved his hand and rubbed your back.

“Just make sure the next one isn't a total dick, okay?” he whispered, his chin placed on the top of your head.

He didn't know how much that sentence broke your little 16 year old heart.

You smiled and entered the house, Charles didn’t drive off that street before you waved at him out your window.

On the drive home we looked back at his younger brother, drooling on the back seat of his car. 

It was that night where he realised the both of you weren't all that different, but so far apart.

The first time Charles saw you after that night was a couple months later, a family day at the beach. You had turned seventeen in that time and joao was old news. But charles eyes were stuck on your body as he watched you sat in the sand on your own. Sipping from a bottle of beer that you most likely stole from his crate, your toes were dipped in the wet sand as you watched the sun set on your own.

Arthur had brought his new girlfriend with him and even though you were still as close as ever, Arthur's attention was stuck on the pretty blonde that was talking to his nan.

The rest of your families were distracted too, or so Charles thought. His mum watched him intently as he walked back to the car park, grabbing a spare jumper from his car before making way down the beach front to join you.

He spent so much of his life avoiding you, but after the night of the party he just wanted to make sure you were okay. 

He crouched down in the sand next to you, aware of how your eyes were on him. He placed the jumper on your legs,

“You're going to get a cold.”

You scoffed but complied. Putting the jumper over your head and pulling at the sleeves, it smelled like him.

“How are you?” you asked charles, he could feel your eyes staring into his side profile, but he stared at the sun setting over the monegasque sea.

“I'm okay.”

The boys lost their dad a little under a year ago now, you hadn't really seen Charles since. But he knew you hadn't left Arthur's side for them few months.

“How you holding up, really?” you nudged his shoulder with yours, he did his little signature smile before looking down at his lap. Avoiding the question.

“Thank you. For looking after Arthur I mean, he's lucky to have you.” 

“Charlie…”

He looked in your eyes this time, he looked so sad, so broken. So desperate for a hug. You didn't pressure him to answer your question, insted you gently placed your head on his shoulder looking along the coastline in silence.

Charles appreciated the silence and the way you didn't push him, moments like these he understood why Arthur loved you so much.

“It will be alright you know.” you hummed on his shoulder.

“I know.” Charles whispered back.

“Really, i can already see Charles leclerc, ferrari formula one driver. Your face will be all over Monaco, and we're all so proud. He'll be so proud.” 

Charles hated how much you believed him, because in that moment a nineteen year old boy with dreams bigger than the world itself everything felt impossible. 

“Don't forget about me when you're all big and famous, yeah?” you smiled up at him.

Charles looked down at you, his eyes were glossy but the smile on his lips was enough to melt your heart, he threw his head back in a laugh. 

“I dont think I'm ever getting rid of you.”

Now it was your turn to laugh, “at least your self aware charlie.”

After all the laughing he noticed how your eyes shifted from his own to his lips, and then he remembered why he was avoiding you in the first place.

“y/n..” he whispered, oh how he whispered your name in his little broken accent, your heart melted as he backed away.

“I know, I know.”

You smiled and placed your head back on his shoulders looking at the sun that was nearly gone.

“You know I'm too old for you, right?” Charles whispered as he leaned his head on yours that was resting on his arm.

“I'm in it for the long game leclerc.” Charles giggled as he let his cheek get comfy on your head, pushing his side into you as you fully watched the sun disappear over the sea.

On the night of your 18th birthday Arthur had taken you out to your first club, you drank, alot…

Charles happened to be at the same club, so when your drunk body collided with his you couldn't help but wrap your arm around his torso, clinging onto him.

He gently placed hand on the small of your back smiling as you leaned on him.

Charles was 20 now, soon to turn 21 and had just signed a contract with alfa romeo, he was officially in formula one. Even Though you were proud of him you missed having him around. 

You stood on your heels, leaning up to his ear as Charles met your movements and bent down to hear you better in the loud club and your heart fluttered at the small action of his ear hovering near your face.

“I'm eighteen now charlie.” he could hear the smile in your voice.

“I know, happy birthday mon amour.” kissing your forehead, this was the closest you had ever been to him before, and you craved more. He had never called you the nickname before, he was teasing you.

“I'm officially an adult nowwwww.” you longed out his ear before you hand palmed his cheek. You so desperately wanted to kiss him.

“Y/n.” His tone was serious as he caught onto your intentions.

“Y/nnn.” You teased him back, imitating his serious tone and rolling your eyes as you do so.

“I know you want to Charlie, come on…” you giggled at him, but you were drunk and a mess, so the arm around your waist was to stop you from falling flat on your arse not because he just wanted to touch you, you thought. You pushed his hand off you and stood up straight, Charles sighed as he placed his hand back on the small of your back, you looked up at him. The stupid little puppy dog eyes that he refused to listen to.

“I'm too old for you, love.” Charles' hand once again held you close as you started to lose your balance again, “and you're too drunk.”

“Drunk on love.” you exclaimed, Charles laughed, like really laughed and you couldn't help but admire the creases around his eyes. He moved your arm over his shoulder so he could hold you up.

“Let's find Arthur and get you home, okay?” but as Charles pulled away you pulled him back.

“I've waited eighteen years, Charlie, I'm sure I have the patience to wait a bit longer.”

Charles thought maybe you had forgotten that night, but you remembered the way his hand was filmy stuck to the small of your back most of the night, and how he lent down to hear you and how his stubble felt in the palm of your hand, and the butterflies only got worse. 

You were falling harder everyday and you hated yourself for it, he didn't like you back.

Charles carried on with his f1 career with alfa romeo that year and you took up a journalism degree, following around arthur as he navigated the world of f3. You would occasionally bump into Charles when the boys had races at the same circuit. 

But with his first Monaco race you obviously had to be there to support him.

Charles hated how his heart beat boomed in his ear when he saw you standing in his garage with your old ferrari cap on and an alfa romeo shirt with the number 16 on the back hugging your chest. 

You truly had blossomed into a beautiful young woman and Charles found it harder to stay away. Your hair isn't frizzy anymore and you had for sure gone through puberty, he didn't like to stare but he found it hard not to sometimes. Especially on family boat trips when you would wear a bikini in front of him.

The worst part is you hadn't even openly flirted with him in a while, and he couldn't seem to figure out why, and that bothered him so much more than he liked. 

The small little y/n that used to follow him everywhere, always latched to his arm, looking up at him with heart eyes. I mean, you weren't sixteen anymore that was sure, but Charles couldn't help but feel a sense of abandonment that you weren't head over heels for him anymore. 

Charles needed to snake off that weird feelling in his stomach.

You were now 19 about to turn 20, it was the off season and you couldn't wait to soak up some sun on the leclerc yacht. Your favourite summer getaway.

You drove up to the small paddock on a little beach and climbed onto the grey boat, it was charles’, of course. The whole family was there, you were talking to pascal as arthur pulled you around the side of the boat, nearly causing you to break an ankle.

“Erm hello? Watch it.” you scolded him for pulling you so ruffly.

“You're over the whole in love with my older brother thing, right?” he asked, his hand running through his hair.

“I- i why?” you said, clocking your head to the side at Arthurs panicked manor. He knew you had been doing great this year, and he also knew why you declined every single boy that had attempted to ask you out on a date this year. 

“Okay, erm,'' Arthur stood up straight and scratched the back of his head.

“Forget your stuff, let's just get off this boat. And er, don't turn around okay?” he tried to nonchalantly say, his hands gripping your shoulders were a dead give away something was wrong though.

You nodded your head and followed Arthur down the steps of the boat before stopping in your tracks.

“Since when have I ever listened to you? I going to read my book on the sun-”

Your mouth fell open as you turned around to be met with Charles, your Charles with a girl.

A pretty girl, beautiful actually, she was slim and perfect and her smile was enough to make you want to crumble in a ball. 

She was leaning on him, grabbing his bicep as her hand brushed through his hair, he was laughing like really and truly laughing at whatever it was she had to say and you had never felt emotions like the ones you felt in that moment.

You felt like he had personally ripped your heart out himself, no remorse, and had just served it back to you on a silver platter.

He really didn't want you. 

“y/n, i didn't even know he was bringing her i-”

“You knew?”

Arthur sighed before running his hands through his hair, “it's been around four months, mum really likes her, she's nice. I mean she's not you, but he's happy so i can't complain.'' Arthur shrugged his shoulders, not sure how to console you in that moment.

You turned away from the happy couple and sat on the small steps that lead down to the bottom of the yacht. Arthur sat down next to you, pulling your body into his as he wrapped his arm around you.

“What about me? When will I be happy?”

You hadn't realised you were crying until Arthur grabbed your arm and pulled you straight off the boat.

That was your wake up call, you had spent too much of your life waiting for someone that never wanted you. 19 years to be exact, a sad sad story to anyone that knew you. You were embarrassed and angry at yourself. 

You needed to actually move on. 

So that's what you did.

And that's when you met him, a young british boy, he was around your age and drove for a papaya team that shared the f1 grid with charles.

Lando norris.

He was 20, awkward, way too cocky for only his second year, and when you bumped into him in Bahrain of 2020 you chose him to be the one to make you move on.

He asked for your number a few races later and the two of you used to text all the time. He took you on cute picnic dates, asked if he could kiss you before he did, and overall was the kindest most respectful boyfriend a girl could ask for. You were actually happy, and it only took nineteen years.

It was imola when you bumped into Charles in the paddock, his brother wasn't here so he was confused as to why you were here, but then he saw the McLaren hat on your head and his eyebrows furred evenmore.

“y/n?”

“Hello, charles.” you gave him a tight lip smile before moving past him but he chased after you why you walked down the paddock strip. Past the ferrari garage.

“You're a McLaren fan now, huh?” 

“Yep.”

Charles' heart hurt at your bluntness, he grabbed your arm so you would stop walking and talk to him. 

“y/n.” serious charles. That stupid tone that usually made you freeze and obey whatever he had to say.

But this time you rolled your eyes and pulled your arm from his grip.

“Charles, I really have to be somewhere.” you lied, checking your watch.

“Like a journalism thing? Why didn't you tell me you were going to be here, you could have flown with me and Joris?” and Charlotte, but he didn't mention that.

You really tried to pull your eyes from the red drivers suit that was wrapped around his hips, he was a ferrari driver now and you had never been more happy for him. You just wanted to wrap your arms around him and tell him how proud you were of him. 

But right at this moment, you had never wanted to create more distance between you both.

“y/n?” 

Both of your heads snapped as Lando ran up to you, you coughed and took a step back from charles.

Landos arm wrapped around your shoulder as he put out a fist for Charles to spud. Charles' eyes were glued to landos arm resting on your shoulder and he could feel the blood pumping in his heart speeding up.

Lando kissed your temple and Charles' eyes were glued to yours. 

“Charles.” Lando smiled nodding his head.

“Lando.'' Charles' voice was laced with venom, not that Lando noticed. 

“So you guys are?” Charles' eyebrows furred pointing between you both.

“We havent you know, labelled it yet. It's still kind of new” you smiled, it had been months.

“But I'm happy, really happy.” Charles knew that was a message to him, you were happy and he needed to leave you be. But with Lando of all people, Charles couldn't seem to shake this one off.

Charles mumbled something about needing to be somewhere and walked away from you both. Lando again oblivious to the interaction as his arm stayed secured around you and he balabbed on about the race as you walked to the McLaren motorhome.

Charles hated him. 

Charles hated himself for his feelings.

He didn't know why he was so bothered, he had never been this bothered, nothing gotten to him like you and Lando just did. Joris told him maybe it was because he had a soft spot for you deep down, he joked that maybe Charles liked you back and Charles ignored him for the rest of the weekend at that accusation. But that didn't mean he didnt ignore his words. 

It was over, you grew up and he should feel relieved you've moved on, right?

He broke up with Charlotte a month later.

Charles scoffed when you first bought lando along to family night, he hated how your mum loved his accent and how arthur laughed at all his jokes. He hated that he hadn't caught your eye all night, instead your eyes were glued on the stupid little british boys. Charles hated it, he sat there like a toddler that hadn't gotten their own way all night. He knew it was wrong but he hated his feelings more than he hated lando being sat at his table.

Charles was in the kitchen, he was picking at the leftover pie on the table top as everyone else was outside fawning over one of landos stories, he had really charmed the family.

His mother walked into the kitchen as he was taking a bite of cherry pie looking like a caught child, she laughed at the cherry stains in the corner of his mouth and passed him a tissue.

The pair stood in silence for a moment before Pascal spoke up.

“That's definitely not allowed in your diet, my sweet.” she smirked knowing the driver's strict diet.

“But you won't tell on me maman.” Charles flashed his puppy dog eyes as his mum laughed at his actions. She sighed and moved closer to him as he stood up straight. 

“You have a lot on your mind my boy, and don't tell me you don't because I gave birth to you, I know you better than you know yourself.”

“Maman.” Charles sighed.

“This is about her isn't it?” Charles' eyes refused to look at his mother at her words.

“I don't even need to say her name, it's her, it will always be her.” she smiled as she walked over to her son and placed a hand on his cheek.

“She's happy, Charles.'' he heard the sternness in his mothers voice.

“So everyone keeps telling me.” Charles scoffed again.

“So then you know you're being an ass, right?”

Charles' eyes widened at his mothers language but she just laughed and waved him off.

“After all the years she spent pining after you, Charles, it would be cruel for you to not let her be happy.”

“But what if I'm not happy?” he asked his mum, she just sent him a sympathetic smile and grazed his cheek once more.

“Do you love her?”

“I dont know.” Charles shrugged.

“See, it would be cruel to break her heart over this kind of uncertainty. Either you love her or you're just jealous. You have a lot of thinking to do my boy, but don't do anything until you're really sure. She's fragile when it comes to you.”

Charles nodded his head.

His mum was right, he really did have a lot of thinking to do. 

And as if on queue there she was, walking into the kitchen, the widest smile on her face as she grabbed another beer from the fridge. She had started to let her curls rome free recently and it was sending charles’ heart into a spiral, with her stupid little shorts and crocs and no doubt she had conned lando into giving her his jumper. 

She used to do that to him, Charles thought, remembering all the times you had tricked him into stealing his hoodies. 

She smiled at Charles mum and told her again that the food was lovely, nodding at Charles, and she left just as quick as she came in.

“Maman, I'm so in love with her it physically hurts me.”

And there it was, the words you had so desperately wanted to hear your whole life, but you didn't hear a sound as Charles vowed to never say it again out loud. Your happiness came before his.

Charle suffered for a year, he knew he loved you, he had said it out loud once and the vulnerability he felt in that moment knowing you were stood just 15 feet away with the boy you were in love with was enough to make him swear to never voice his feelings again, he was embarrassed and wanted the world to swallow him whole. The worst part was the guilt, he could only feel like he had let one of the best things go, slip straight from his grasp all for a bit of pride. He didn't want to be seen with the young naive girl that had a crush on him, but now he just felt stupid. Stupid that he didn't recognise your love for him sooner, he had always thought you were one of the most amazing humans he had ever met, he found himself looking for you in other people when he didn't even know it. He was stupid, and he knew that for sure.

Charles dedicated the rest of the year to focusing on his f1 seat, with ferrari fucking him and sebastian over and over and after his wins at spa and monza he felt hungry for more and felt that the true love of his life should be formula one.

But his heart hurt when he didn't hear from you after his win in spa, and then it crushed him again when you didn't contact him after his result at monza.

No call.

Not even a text.

He had fully let you slip from his grasp.

It was a long year for Charles that year, and as summer break quickly approached he found girls and training were his favourite pastime. He stopped turning up to family events when he knew lando would be there and you were in love and happy. After a while it was a rarity he would even stay at an event for an hour.

He was 22 and as a new season started the only thing he was talking from lando was his teammate, not that charles was complaining. He liked Carlos, and he was ready to step up and take that 1st driver's seat. He was ready to make everyone proud just like you had promised him that night on the beach.

After a while charles mothers birthday rolled around, one he would definitely not miss as his mother requested a small family meal. Everyone was sitting, looking over the menu when Charles undoubtedly noticed the missing presence of you.

“Where's y/n?” Charles asked Lorenzo, who was sitting next to him.

Lorenzo just shrugged and turned his attention back to his menu, was it normal for you to not attend family outings? Charles hadn't been around for so long he didn't even think to consider that maybe she didn't turn up to these things anymore either.

“With Lando I suppose.” Charles murmured, he tried not to sound jealous but the older brother just laughed.

“Lando?” as he turned to his younger brother.

“Why would she- you really haven't spoken to her have you?” Lorenzo asked, his eyes widening at the thought of his brother being so dumb.

Charles just shrugged his shoulders as he urged his brother to continue.

“They broke up, a while ago actually.”

Charles didnt know why his shoulders felt lighter but he chose to ignore it and try to press some more information out of his brother.

“So? First break up, we've all been there, doesn't mean she can't be here for mamans birthday.'' Charles rolled his eyes as he tried to act like he didn't care.

“She's not even in the country charles.”

Charles' head snapped towards his brothers, “She's taking a gap year, last I heard she was staying in Australia for a while.”

Lorenzo could see the gears turning in charles’ head; he knew he wanted to ask more so he answered for him.

“Hey Arthur, where's y/n these days?” Lorenzo asked his other brother who was at the other end of the table with his girlfriend.

Arthur shrugged before answering, “Still in australia at the moment, she really likes it there, but i told her she cant like it to much because there's no way i'm sitting on a plane for twelve hours every time i want to actually see her face and not on a phone screen.” arthur joked, everyone else laughed along with him for a moment until charles countered up the courage to speak up.

“Why didn't she just travel with formula one? She wanted to be an F1 journalist anyway.”

Arthur's eyes narrowed at his brother. 

You definitely hadn't meant to cause it, but there was a small crack in between the brothers' relationship within the last year. Arthur definitely blamed Charles and his stupid effects on you for you running away.

“She wanted to be away from f1 for a while.'' Arthur told his brother like it wasn't the most obvious thing in the world, hoping to squash this table subject, not really wanting to talk about his run away best friend.

“I mean I don't blame her, especially when her Lando ended like it did. She's living her best life.” Carla, Arthurs girlfriend chimed in. Arthur slightly winced at his girlfriend's words not wanting this to be the dinner conversation tonight, especially when Charles clearly knew nothing about y/n's life within the last year.

“What?'' Charles asked the table, but no one answered him, instead everyone's heads were down dead planted down at the table, everyone except for Carla who had no idea what she had just started.

“Why did no one tell me what's been going on?” charles raised his voice slightly, catching the attention from everyone else on the table.

Charles mother intervened knowing where this was going, “charles, not right now-”

“No, she's been going through something and no one even thought to mention it? What the fuck.”

Arthur was visibly turning red, Charles noticed as Lorenzo's head was shaking telling his little brother now wasn't the time, pleading Arthur to just bite his tongue.

“Say it arthur.”

The flame was lit.

“And who do you think upset her in the first place, charles?” Arthur tutted, picking up his menu pretending to scan it so he didn't have to pay attention to the conversation anymore.

“Drop it, arthur.” Lorenzo sternly interrupted.

“Considering no ones told me anything how the fuck am i supposed to answer that question?” Charles spat back at his brother.

Arthurs cheeks were a visible red now, he was about to blow up. Something he had been holding in for a while. He slammed his menu down and turned to look at his older brother.

“You know what Charles, you have no right! No fucking right, sorry maman for the language-” charles mum just put her hands up in defence as she let her youngest son get it all off his chest. 

“She loved you, and you constantly broke her heart and told her no and then when she was finally happy in a relationship you had to go tell the world you love her so much that ‘it physically hurts you!” Arthur mugged his brother's words.

Charles was shocked, he had no idea what was happening. 

No one knew of his feelings towards you, no one except- charles head snapped towards his mother who pulled a tight lip smile and just shaked her head in a no. Charles was about to deny deny deny when-

“Yeah, she heard it. And it fucking broke her charles. It was mean and it was selfish, and I've never despised someone more than you for what you did to MY best friend.”

“Arthur-”

“I'm not finished. Then you have the decency to finally come to a family meal for the first time in nearly a year, nearly a year charles! And ask about her like you didn't completely cut her and us out of your life? You're selfish, completely and utterly selfish charles.”

Charles sat at the table pale, he felt the colour drain from his face as he scrambled to find the words to say but his mouth didn't open.

“You really do pick and choose your moments brother, I don't know why I even came tonight, I'm sorry maman but I told you I wouldn't be able to sit in a room with him.”

Arthur stood up, he grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and took Carla's hand in the other.

“I'm really sorry maman, and everyone else, happy birthday, i guess.” Arthur gave his mother a hug and walked out of the restaurant with carla. Leaving everyone else at the table in pure shock.

Especially Charles, he had know idea what to say, he looked up at his mother opposite him who looked at him with sympathy.

“My sweet boy, I'm sorry to say it but there was some truth to your brother's words. I told you she was fragile.”

Charles felt awful.

Charles felt like he was going to cry at the table.

It had been a long year for Charles, he had groveld for the most of it, thinking you were happy somewhere while Lando flew you anywhere and everywhere around the world. Now he came to think of it, maybe there was a better reason for the young mclaren driver avoiding him.

He wasn't really friends with Lando, but his teammate, Carlos was close with the boy and whenever there was an offer for the three of them to hang out Lando magically had something come up and couldn't attend. 

It all made sense now. Even the fact he hadn't seen you in the paddock, he thought maybe you were caught up in your studies, oh how he was wrong.

He sat at the table for the rest of the meal, and with every passing comment he didn't think he could sink more into his chair.

He was an awful person, he thought.

When the family were leaving the restaurant Charles hugged his family members, swallowing the anxiety and embarrassment down.

He looked over at Lorenzo who sent him a sympathetic smile, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Tonight wasn't supposed to go like that, i told arthur to just drop it i-”

“No, it's okay. I deserved it.”

“I dont know, you fucked up, but you didnt need to run, nether did she.'' Lorenzo, his older brother shrugged.

“What happened? With her and lando." Charles pushed.

“alot .” lorezono chucked.

“I don't know if it's my place to-” enzo sighed at that stupid little puppy dog face his younger brother was pulling.

“I'm pretty sure she cheated on him, Arthur said as she fell into a bit of a hole. So the only thing she really could do was just leave Monaco for a while. She seems good, Charles, healthy and happy." Lorenzo shrugged, watching as Charles' eyes widened and he latched onto every word. 

“If it's any closure she's not mad at you, Arthur, well I'm sure he would be he loves y/n like a twin sister, but she's not mad at you. She was just confused and hurt.”

“If i call her-'' Charles started but his voice flattened as he realised it would ne dumb to contact you.

“Call her Charles, I'm sure she would be happy to hear from you.”

You knew what today was, arthur's molthers birthday. You had called her in the morning sending her your love and wishes, she told you that Charles was attending the meal and Arthur would be on his best behaviour, little did you know.

You wondered if Charles knew what you were up to, if pascal or lorenzo had been keeping him in the loop.

You were at the beach, cocktail in hand and book in the other, your earphones were in as you hummed to the faint sound of the music and read, but you were disturbed when the rigging was a call from your phone echoing through your earphones, charles.

Pick it up.

Pick it up.

You couldn't do it.

Your body froze in place, you pulled your airpods out, throwing down your book, not caring that you lost the page you were on. You took in a deep breath and picked up your phone, and just as your thumb hovered over the answer button, the ringing stopped.

He had called you?

You needed a moment to think about what you were going to say to him, what he would say.

You so desperately wanted to hear his voice, it had been a year, and you wondered if that was enough time for feelings to vanish.

You looked out at the calm seas for a moment, did you really want to fall back into a loop of pining for him like a puppy. You loved him, loved, past tense. You were a grown woman now, so you opened your phone and called him back.

Ringing.

“Hello?” his voice echoed through the phone.

“Charles?”

You heard his sigh of relief over the phone, and your heart melted all over again, he hadn't even spoken yet, but the closeness of his presence made it all too real.

“I'm sorry.”

He's sorry?

“Charles-”

“I'm sorry, okay. Arthurs right, I was mean and I was selfish and you deserved so much more than what I did to you. From the bottom of my heart y/n/n, I'm so so incredibly sorry.”

“It's- it's okay.” 

You forgave him.

“It's not.”

There was a silence that lingered for a moment.

“What I said, what you heard, it wasn't supposed to happen like that. I really didn't want it to happen that way.” he pleaded over the phone, his breathy voice echoing through the speaker.

“I want to see you.”

More silence.

“Please, y/n.”

“Okay.”

More silence.

“Soon, okay.” There was promise to your words.

“Soon.” he repeated, as though it was something for him to hold onto. 

Soon.

“When I'm ready Charles I'll come home, I'm just not ready yet.” you winced at your own words because you so desperately wanted to see him too.

“Then don't come home- i'll come to you, i'll catch the next plane if i have too just tell me where you are-”

“Charles, I'm not ready yet.” you interrupted him. 

Silence.

Charles wanted to cry, hearing your voice and knowing you were just within reach he wanted to see you, hold you, apologise as much as you would allow him to. He wanted to kiss you and hug you and love you forever, but you weren't ready.

“I'll wait for you, okay? Soon or not.” his voice cracked, and god did it melt your heart.

“I'll see you soon charlie.”

This was feeling a little too much like a goodbye for charles.

“y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“Am I too late?’

“Time doesn't apply when it comes to you.” and Charles had hope. He hadn't fully let you slip, yet.

Charles would now spend every waking moment wondering how soon was soon?

But after a while he figured ‘soon’ was a little long, three more months to be precise.

You had left Australia, travelled around more like you wanted to, and you came back to Monaco just before the end of the f1 season.

Charles was already in Abu Dhabi by the time you landed back in monaco.You had asked everyone to not tell him of your arrival.

You were sitting with Arthur in his mothers living room, just like the old days. You told him about your travels while he updated you on his love life and gossip in the paddock.

You had missed this.

And it wasn't until pascal passed you a warm cup of tea and sat with the two of you, sharing her own gossip from the hair salon you realised how much you were ready to be home again.

Arthur had run to his room quickly to grab his trophies to show you and as he walked out of the room your eyes lingered on the suitcases by the door.

“You're going to Abu dhabi?” you asked pascal.

“Tomorrow.” she smiled at you.

Pascal could visibly see the gears turning in your head, she placed a hand on your knee and smiled up at you.

“I don't want to pressure you y/n, and i know you just got back but you should consider it.”

You knew what she meant and you nodded at her with a small smile, and Arthur came back.

You went home a few hours later and sat in your room, if you go you'll see him, but you're going to see him at some point regardless. 

You felt vulnerable.

So completely scared, but that didn't stop you from texting Arthur that night telling him you were going to join him and his family tomorrow.

You were going to see him.

Your time was up.

You were ready.

You meet up with the leclerc family at the airport in the early hours of the morning, your suitcase gripped in your hand as you were mentally preparing yourself to sit on the plane and go over any and every possible outcome this weekend could have.

Arthur sat with Carla at the front, and Pascal was fast asleep. But the chair next to you suddenly became occupied when you looked up and saw the eldest leclerc.

“You look well, y/n.” he smiled down at you.

“Thank you.” you smiled back at lorenzo.

“I think the time away did you good, no?”

“yeah, i really needed some space, but now i'm back and just feeling a little..” you stumbled on your words, struggling to describe your emotions.

“Overwhelmed?”

“Yeah, exactly that.”

“Does he know you're coming?” you knew the ‘he’ lorenzo was referring too.

“I dont think so.”

“He's going to be happy to see you.” lorenzo nudged your shoulder.

“I hope so.” you nervously chucked.

You took in a deep breath and looked back at the eldest leclerc brother, “I'm just anxious, I have no idea how this weekend will pan out. The next time I'll be back on this plane going home I could be happy, sad, crying or planning to run away again. I just feel so lost.”

“Lost isn't a bad thing.'' Lorenzo shrugged.

“He's just as lost as you y/n, trust me. I just hope you both figure it out, you both deserve the peace of mind. And if this all goes to shit, you still got on this plane today and tried.”

“I just don't want to get my hopes up.”

“Then don't, sometimes things aren't just meant to be.”

That's what was worrying, you had loved this man for years, and now was the deciding day if he loved you back or not and you don't know if you were ready to give up the fantasy of him

being the love of your life up yet.

You weren't mentally prepared for the shit outcome of this story, you didn't know if you could handle Charles breaking your heart another time.

When the plane landed and the warm air hit your skin you took in a deep breath. Time to face the music.

You went straight to your hotel, it was a Friday so Charles was about to participate in fp1 by the time you turned up to the track.

The smell of burnt rubber and the sound of happy fans filled your ears, you had missed being in the paddock more than you knew. This place was your home.

You were walking with Arthur and Carla when your name was called, judging by the accent you knew it wasn't the monegasque, it was the papaya coloured boy running up to you.

You told Arthur and Carla you would catch up with them as you stopped and smiled at lando who had now reached you. 

“Hey.” he smiled.

“Hey.” you smiled back awkwardly.

“Listen lando, you deserve an explanation-”

“It's okay y/n, we were young, it was a while ago you’re forgiven.” Lando chuckled as he poked your shoulder.

“But that doesn't mean what I did was okay, you deserve more than what I gave you.” 

Lando gave you a sympathetic smile.

“Consider it done with, okay? No hard feelings.”

You smiled up at the British boy, he looked good, he seemed well and that made your guilt feel a little less painful.

“I erm, I have a girlfriend actually, she's great, her names luisa.”

You watched as he lips upturned at the mention of his girlfriend, he was smitten.

“I'm happy for you landini.”

You both laughed for a moment, the free air was nice. Seeing lando meant there was a weight lifted off your shoulders.

“I just wanted to see how you were doing, I didn't want things to be awkward.” he said.

“I don't think I could ever be awkward around you.” Lando smiled at your words.

“Are you still thinking about becoming an F1 journalist?” he asked, remembering how it was your dream, he had also hoped your disappearance in the paddock for the last year wasn't his doing, stopping you from reaching your dream.

You smiled as he remembered, “I'm working on it.”

“Well i hope i see you around more often then, you deserve it y/n, really.”

Lando was getting called from the other end of the paddock as he had to be in his car within the next 10 minutes, you both shared a hug and it felt nice to feel comfortable with him.

His hands squeezed your back before saying a quick bye and skipping down the paddock. 

As he pulled away and walked past, your eyes connected with them all to familiar grey ones you were so nervous to see.

Charles.

He didn't seem too happy though.

He had just watched you smile and laugh with your ex in the middle of the paddock and then hug him bye, even though you thought nothing of it, Charles' mind was spinning.

There he was, a tight lipped smile right opposite you. He had grown out his stubble and he looked tired. You knew he hadn't had the best of seasons with Ferrari, you didn't keep up with it too much, it upset you that his childhood team had failed him massively. 

He nodded his head and followed his press officer in the opposite direction, but you weren't going to let him go just yet.

“Charles, wait!”

And before you could process it you were running, sprinting down the paddock after him, but he had already disappeared into ferrari hospitality.

“Shit.” you mumbled as you jogged down to the garages in hopes of catching up with him.

You scanned your pass and walked into the back of the garage Pascal had walked up to you and grabbed your hand.

“You need to put some headphones on dear, it gets loud in -”

“Pascal, where did he go?” you asked her frantically, like a mad woman out of breath.

“Charles?”

“yes!”

A slight smile just appeared on her face as she turned around, “Be quick dear, I think I can see him putting his balaclava on.” She pushed your shoulder and you walked around the red barrer that clearly said ‘no public entry’.

“You can't be back here, ma'am.” a security officer grabbed the back of your bicep.

“No, I need to get through, it's an emergency.” you whined, pulling your arm from his grip.

“I'm sorry ma’am, it's a safety hazard.” the man's grip tightened on your arm as he pulled you away from the back of the garage. You pushed off him but his grip only improved as he swept you off the floor, lifting you up at your attempt to run. You kicked your legs like a child learning to swim and kicked arms that trapped you.

“If you refuse to cooperate, I'll have no choice but to remove you from the garage.” he said, trying to dodge your feisty little kicks.

“And If you don't get your slimy huge hands off me right now i'm going to-”

“y/n?!”

Your head snapped at the sound of your name, Jorris, Charles' best friend.

“Jorris, oh thank god!”

“She's okay, she can come in.” Jorris grabbed your other hand and wiggled you away from the huge security man's grip as he dropped you back to the floor. You brushed off your dress and gave the security man a dirty look before turning to Charles' best mate.

“Jorris, where is he?” your breathing was rapid and your heart beat feeling like it was thumping out your chest.

“y/n you really shouldn't.” he sent you a sympathetic smile.

“Please.” you pleaded with him. After seeing you try to fight a six foot five security man Joris really didn't want to feel the wrath of you right now, so he complied.

“You have five minutes, follow me.” he led you through the back of the garage.

Whenever Charles got in the car he liked to be left alone to his own devices, it was his switch off time, but you knew on some occasions he didn't mind the company, you just needed to talk to him, tell him you were here for him. You didn't want him getting in the car overthinking that you were here for lando.

And before you knew it, there he was, standing in front of you, you were painting out of breath with your hands on your knees as you looked up at him.

Charles giggled as you held up a finger to let him know you were still getting your breath back. He pulled his ear pieces out of his ear and zipped up the rest of his race suit.

“I hate to rush you, but I have to be in the car in four minutes.” Charles frowned, “and four minutes aren't enough for what I have to say to you, y/n.”

“Let's keep it short and sweet then.” you stood up straight and smiled at the boy.

“Im sor-” he started but you cut him off.

“That's not what I meant by sweet.”

Charles squeezed his eyes and winced at his name being called behind him, he opened his eyes and saw you beaming up at him and he knew he was in love, he just wasn't going to tell you yet, especially not if he had just witnessed you make up with lando. Lando made you happy, Lando didn't break your heart on multiple occasions like he had. Charles wouldn't blame you if you went back to the British driver.

You tilted your head to the left and smiled at Chris, Charles' manager. He was pointing at his watch and tapping his foot.

You looked back at Charles and took in a deep breath, you stood on your tip toes and placed your arms on his shoulders, gently placing a kiss to his cheek.

Your soft lips connecting with his ruff stubble is something Charles cherished, he couldn't wipe the Cheshire cat grin off his face.

“I know it's only a practice session, but good luck out there charlie.”

“Thank you.” he smiled, trying to hide his blush. He couldn't believe he was blushing and how the roles had reversed between the two of you.

“What about lando?” he had to ask, it was on his mind.

“I'm not standing next to Lando wishing him good luck right now, am i?” you smirked at him.

Charles smiled before looking back at his manager, he bent down and kissed your forehead like he had done a thousand times, but this time it felt different, electric, it felt like love. It was love.

“I'll be waiting for you, okay?” you told him.

Charles smiled to himself, he wasn't too late.

If anything was on Charles' side that day it wasnt timing. Charles finished fp2 with a few flying laps and a heavy heart, his first plan was to find you but his press officer had forced him to do interviews, and then he had a meeting and then he had checked his watch and it was way past nine and he knew you were probably back at the hotel by now.

He huffeed as he left his meeting, grabbing his jumper and keys and saying goodbye to the engineers that were going to work on the car overnight.

He had it all planned in his head, he was going to get some flowers on the way home, knock on your hotel door and ask you on a date.

“Charles!” called out his manager, he really hoped he didn't have to stay in this hell hole any longer, he just wanted to leave the track and get his girl.

“What?” he huffed.

“She waited.”

“What?” Charles repeated, his manager now having his full attention. 

Charles caught the way his manager's lips turned into a devilish smirk, but he wasn't looking at Charles, yet something behind him. When he whipped his head around there you were, his heart thumped at the massively oversized ferrari jacket one of the staff must have given you to keep you warm while you waited.

You just smiled at him and waited for him to walk to you, but charles sprinted, he was a man on a mission and when he got to you his hands slipped around your waist, pulling you up in the air for a moment before he dropped you back down, his hands still remaining tightly wrapped around your torso.

He tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear before placing his forehead on yours.

“Take what's yours charlie.” you smiled. 

Charles' thumb gently traced over your plump bottom lip before he placed his hand on your cheek, smiling like an idiot. 

He slowly grazed his lips on your before gently adding pressure and connecting your soft lips with his in a quick kiss. A kiss that was full of smiles as Charles pulled you as close to him as possible. Towering over you as he kissed you unlike he had kissed anyone ever. The way your lips moved in sync with his was magic to him, it had never felt like this before.

He pulled back letting you get some air, before using that as leverage to stick his tongue in your mouth, he put all his power and passion into the kiss and it was just as you imagined him to be with you. Sensual and passionate. 

Your hands ran along his shoulders and up to his head where you gently tucked on his hair. Charles groned on your lips and eventually pulled back, he giggled as he placed his forehead on yours again. 

“All mine, finally.” He said through a wide smile.

“I've always been yours…”

Thank you for reading!! Here’s a gif of baby Charles because this is how i imagined him when y/n had her teenage crush. Bare faced and spiky hair🥹

[minakoainosupremacy]

I just rewatched the Nehalenia arc in stars for the first time in awhile, and damn… that shit HITS.

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Me & You & Everyone We Know | Chapter 13 | S.R

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Summary - You and Spencer finally decide to go your separate ways but life keeps forcing you back together. Daisy and Penelope help Spencer take steps towards moving on.

Pairing - Single Dad! Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending, smut minors DNI.

A/N - the scene of their actual break up is short because I didn’t think it needed dragging out. It’s clear why they are splitting up and I feel a quick break would have been easier on them rather than dragging everything up again.

Warnings - break ups, brief mention of canon shootings, tears, talk of depression and sadness, Spencer tries to be honest with Daisy, cute domestic moments, Spencer gets nostalgic, very brief mentions of sexual activity.

WC - 5.4k

Chapter 13 - Life Ain’t Always Beautiful

Life ain't always beautiful,

You think you're on your way,

And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day.

But the struggles makes you stronger,

And the changes make you wise,

And happiness has its own way of takin' its sweet time.

You weren’t entirely surprised to find a dishevelled looking Spencer on your doorstep. He knew he’d messed up and he knew simply calling you wasn’t enough. 

You didn’t invite him in, instead the two of you sat on the front steps of your apartment building in uncomfortable silence while you waited for him to say something. 

He stared at the pavement, not looking at you because if he did he might break down. He needed to say what he’d come here to say.

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it and I know that.” He finally spoke after several minutes of quiet. “Honestly I don’t even know what to say. I hide my feelings so well that I even forget about them sometimes. I wish it hadn’t come out the way it did but I can’t change that now.”

You stayed silent, not really having anything to say to him so you didn’t speak. Spencer sighed, his whole body going rigid as he breathed in and deflating as he breathed out. 

“I did love my wife, of course I did. And despite everything, I still love her. But that’s incredibly confusing for me because I also love you.” He glanced up at you now and you could see in his eyes the way this was tearing him apart. 

Under any other circumstances hearing Spencer Reid tell you he loved you would have elicited feelings of joy and elation. But not like, this wasn’t how you wanted to hear it. You inhaled sharply, nodding slowly at his words. 

“I think you need to deal with whatever residual emotions you’ve been harbouring for her before you jump into something else. I don’t want to be someone’s second choice, Spencer.” You chewed the inside of your cheek as a way of trying to stem your tears. 

“You deserve better than that.” He agreed. “I need to work on some things. I just wish I’d realised that before I met you.” His eyes swam with tears. “This is over isn’t it?” 

“I think it has to be.” You nodded sadly. 

“I’m so sorry I dragged you into this mess. For what it’s worth I wanted this to work out, I really did. But I think I always knew that my heart wasn’t fully mine to give away.” He managed to keep his tears at bay but they were still hindering his vision. 

“Me too.” You replied simply, not having much else to say. 

After that the two of you fell into silence on your front steps. The weight of the end hung heavy on you both. Neither of you wanted this to be over but both understood it had to be. 

You stayed like this for a while, silently relishing in the company you’d grown so fond of and knowing it would soon be over. 

After a while he left, simply waving at you as he descended the stairs to the street. You waved back and watched him go. 

The second he was out of sight you missed him. 

***

The moment he walked away was the moment he knew he’d made a mistake. 

Dragging himself down your front steps and sliding into his car, starting the engine and pulling away from the curb, caused him more pain than he’d ever felt in his whole life. 

It started as a dull ache in his chest as he merged onto the street, heading steadily down your block before taking the first left. 

It grew it from an ache to a stabbing pain by the time he was a mile or so away from your apartment building. 

By the time he pulled the car to a stop outside of Maeve and Bobby's, his entire body felt numb and as though it was on fire all at once. 

He never thought he could feel pain like this, didn’t believe anything could hurt him the way Maeve’s affair had. Yet here he was, the agony ripping through his body like a flame's fierce talons, shredding, tearing, melting away every little piece of him until he was nothing but dust and ashes. 

It reminded him of being shot, in the knee, in the neck; wherever. Except this was like being shot right through the heart over and over in quick succession, by a gun with a never ending chamber of bullets. 

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. How could losing someone he’d only known a few months be more painful than finding out of his wife’s infidelity? 

Maybe he was feeling everything all at once. Perhaps now he’d confronted his emotions towards Maeve and lost you in the space of twenty four hours the loss had combined itself. 

He wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he was in more pain than he’d ever experienced before in his entire life. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, like every small movement sent shockwaves through his entire body. 

He only realised when he switched off the engine and caught a glimpse of himself in the rear view mirror that he was crying. 

He couldn’t face his girls like this but he also couldn’t snap himself out of it. This wouldn’t do, he couldn’t be around his daughters in this state, they deserved more from him. 

He pulled his cell phone from his pocket with a shaky hand and dialled her number. It rang twice before she answered. 

“Spencer, hi.” She swallowed as she spoke. 

“Uh…could you have the girls one more night?” He tried his best to keep the emotion from his voice. 

He glanced up at the house, saw movement in a window and hoped she didn’t know he was outside. 

“Is everything ok?” Maeve’s voice had a frown to it. 

“I just…I’m not good.” He croaked. “I can’t…can’t explain. Please? I’ll pick them up from school tomorrow. I just can’t…can't see me like this.” 

There were a few moments of silence down the line and he saw the curtains twitch upstairs. A sliver of her face appeared through the crack, looking down on his car on the side of the road. 

As soon as she appeared she vanished again, the only thing telling him he hadn’t imagined it was the swaying of the curtains. 

“Ok.” She replied eventually. “Of course I can have them another night.”

“Th-thank you.” He wrestled with a sob, knowing Maeve heard it down the phone. 

“Take care of yourself Spencer.” She whispered. 

His hand holding the phone gripped it tighter for a moment while the tears heavily flooded down his face. 

“I’ll try.” He closed his eyes, slapping his other hand against the steering wheel. “Bye.” 

He hung up swiftly, stuffing the device back inside his pocket and starting up the engine. He rubbed his eyes with his palms to try and rid them of tears enough for him to drive. 

He didn’t stop crying the entire drive back to Virginia, couldn’t even if he wanted to. He parked on the drive and slumped out of the car, dragged himself up the steps and entered his home. 

Another couch cushion lay in tatters on the floor, the scruffy dog rolling around joyfully in its debris.

Spencer simply rolled his eyes and headed past the stupid mutt towards the stairs. 

It was still early but it didn’t stop him stripping down and getting into bed. He hoped it would stop the urge to go out and replenish his alcohol supply.

He’d left the door open a crack and it wasn’t all that long before he heard a snuffling by the door and then it creaked open a few inches. Seconds later a ball of grey matted fur leapt onto his bed. 

He groaned at the dog but Taco didn’t even seem to notice as he turned around several times, finding the most comfortable spot, before flopping down on the mattress. 

“This is not your bed.” Spencer’s voice was barely a whimper. “Goddamnit you’re a pain in my ass.” 

Taco huffed out a breath as if he could understand Spencer’s words and his eyes started to flutter closed. 

Spencer didn’t have the energy to forcibly remove the dog from his room so he ignored him instead, rolling away from him and onto his side. 

He tucked one arm between his pillows and closed his own eyes. Sleep would be far out of reach but nonetheless he squeezed his eyes tightly shut and hoped to be sucked into unconsciousness. 

Taco was already snoring behind him, not a care in the world to keep him awake. But for Spencer, sleep was but a pipe dream. 

He laid awake for hours, images of the last day swirling behind his closed lids. When he did eventually fall asleep it was fretful at best and didn’t last long. 

By the time the sun rose he felt less rested than he had before he went to bed. He called in sick to work, not able to face the outside world today. 

He’d have to surface eventually, pick himself up and piece himself back together in time to collect the girls from school. He had to be ok. He needed to be ok for them. 

Even if he would never be ok again for himself.

***

“Hey dad?” 

The voice snapped away from his computer screen for the first time in hours. His eyes were dry and had to blink a few times to be able to focus on his eldest daughter in the doorway of his office. 

“Hey pumpkin. Oh sorry, am I allowed to call you that?” He pushed his chair back a little as she came further into the room.

“When my friends aren’t around you can.” Daisy shrugged. 

“Fair enough.” He glanced at the clock in the corner of the screen, frowning a little at the time. “It’s almost midnight, why are you awake?” 

“Why are you awake?” She deflected. 

“Touché.” He laughed. 

She moved further into the room and dropped down into the chair on the other side of his desk. 

She’d been quiet since he’d picked the girls up from school, clearly annoyed she had to spend another night at her moms. 

“Thank you for the party by the way. I had a really great time.” She toyed with the sleeve of her pyjama top. 

“It was really all your moms idea. It’s her you should be thanking.” 

This caused Daisy to wrinkle her nose and furrow her brows. 

“I don’t believe you.” She huffed.

“I know you’re not happy with your mom right now, Daisy but that doesn’t stop her loving you. She heard you talking about a pool party, she asked grandpa Dave if you and your friends could use his house. I had nothing to do with it.” It pained him to admit as much.

Daisy huffed again, rolling her lip between her teeth the same way Spencer did when he was contemplating something. 

“I’m still mad at her.” She grumbled. 

“And that’s ok, you’re allowed to be angry, pumpkin but you’ve got to try and cut her some slack.” He leant his elbows on his desk. 

“I’ll try.” She shrugged. 

“That’s all I ask.” He smiled softly at her. 

“Mom said you were sick. Are you feeling better?” She changed the subject, clearly not wanting to prolong a conversation about her mom. 

“Kinda.” He nodded. 

“You don’t look sick.” She scrutinised him with her eyes, the eyes that were so much her mothers. 

Spencer chuckled, sitting back in his chair again. 

“You’re too smart for your own good.” He laughed, knowing she wouldn’t drop it and wondering how honest to be with her. “I guess it wasn’t so much a physical kind of sickness, more mental.” 

She furrowed her brows again, he could practically see the cogs turning in her head. 

“Dad, are you depressed?” 

“Uh…” he frowned, shaking his head. “Maybe, in a sense.” 

“I thought you said you were happy?” 

“I am, most of the time, sweetheart. But I just had a bad few days and I didn’t want you girls to see me sad.” 

“Why were you sad? Was it because of mom?” 

Goddamnit, he sighed. He always knew his brain would turn against him one day but not like this. 

He’d made a child who was way too smart for her age, not as smart as he was at fourteen but incredibly intelligent nonetheless. Daisy was curious and inquisitive and she got that from him. 

“It’s complicated.” He shrugged. 

“Adults always say that.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m fourteen, dad, I’m not a little kid.” 

He pushed himself up from the chair and rounded the desk, kneeling on the floor in front of Daisy, smoothing her hair back from her face. 

“When your mom left I focused myself on you and your sister, making sure the two of you were ok but I never really let myself grieve the loss of my marriage. I guess it’s been catching up on me lately.” He kept his hand on her cheek. 

“You miss her?” She asked softly. 

“I do.” He confessed. 

“But she hurt you.” 

“Like I said, it’s complicated. Me and your mom had some great times together Daisy. Yes she hurt me but we had some really good times. I miss those, I miss us being a family.” 

“I do too.” She agreed. “I thought your new girlfriend made you happy?” 

He tried to hide the way her words felt like a sucker punch to his gut as he sat back on his haunches.

“I…well I don’t think that’s going to work out.” 

“Did she break up with you?” Daisy pouted a little. 

“Not exactly…we, uh, it was a mutual decision. It wasn’t the right time.” He got back up to his feet and Daisy stood too. She quickly threw herself into Spencer’s arms. 

“I love you dad.” She said as she snuggled against his chest. 

“I love you too, pumpkin.” He wrapped his arms tightly around her. 

“You’ll find someone who makes you happy again.” She spoke against the fabric of his shirt. 

He exhaled a long and shaky breath as he held his daughter. Even if the rest of his life was a mess, he always had his girls. Daisy and Lily were the one thing in his life he’d done right. 

“You and your sister make me happier than you’ll ever know. The two of you are all I need.” It wasn’t strictly true, but for the most part it was. 

It would be nice to have someone to share his life with again but as long as he had Daisy and Lily then he would consider himself a very lucky man. 

When the hug ended he tucked her hair behind her ears and placed a kiss on her forehead. 

“Time for bed now, missy. It’s late and you have school in the morning.” He gently turned her by the shoulders towards the door. 

“Only if you go to bed too.” She spoke before she reached the door. 

“I’m an adult, I can go to bed when I like.” 

“You have work in the morning though, so if I have to go to bed, so do you.” She folded her arms in defiance. 

“Fine,” he rolled his eyes, not feeling much like arguing with a fourteen year old. 

He opened the door and switched out the light, motioning Daisy towards her room. As she reached for her door handle he found himself speaking again. 

“Hey Daisy?” 

“Yes dad?” She looked at him over her shoulder. 

“How would you feel about moving house? We wouldn’t go far, you wouldn’t need to change schools or anything I just think…I feel like…” he trailed off, not quite sure how to finish that sentence. 

Daisy smiled at him and came back towards him, reaching up and grasping his shoulders. 

“Mom left over a year ago, I think it’s time dad.” She spoke softly. 

“When did you get so grown up?” He sighed wistfully. “So you’d be ok with it?” 

“If it’ll make you happy again, sure.” She nodded, letting him go and heading back to her room. “G’night dad.” 

“Goodnight pumpkin.” He stayed in the corridor until she was in her room with the door closed. 

He inhaled deeply before exhaling slowly through his nose. As he turned back towards his room he heard a door open. He rolled his eyes.

“Daisy I thought we agreed…” he trailed off as he turned around and came face to face with his youngest, looking up at him through sleepy eyes. 

“I heard voices.” Lily croaked, rubbing one eye with her fist. 

“Sorry pumpkin, we didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.” 

“I need a story first.” She whined a little. 

“Fine,” Spencer sighed, knowing arguing would take longer than just reading her story. 

He headed towards her room but she was shaking her head. 

“No, in your room!” She pouted. 

Spencer grumbled under his breath but knew resistance was futile. 

“Go and grab a book and meet me in my room. Hurry though, it’s late.” He shooed her towards her room. 

She squealed excitedly before running back to her room. Spencer turned and walked to his own room, stripping off his shirt but leaving on the white tee he wore underneath. 

He was dropping to his mattress when the door opened again and Lily barrelled in, Taco close behind. 

Lily jumped on the bed next to him, handing him the book while Taco leapt up and curled into a ball at Spencer's feet. 

Lily shuffled close to him, he held his arm out for her to snuggle into him. She rested her head on his chest and he held her by her shoulders. 

With his free hand he opened the book but before he could begin, the door opened again. Spencer glanced up to see Daisy tentatively enter his room. 

“Can I join in?” She asked somewhat bashfully. 

“You’re not too old for story time?” He smiled at her. 

“No.” She shook her head. 

“Come up here then.” He patted the space on the mattress on his other side. 

Daisy beamed and ran over to the bed, throwing herself down next to Spencer, curling into him and laying on his chest much like Lily. 

He had an arm around each girl, trying to hold the book open, precariously balancing it on his stomach. 

“One story and then we’re all going to sleep ok?” He told them both. 

“Promise!” Lily giggled. 

“Me too.” Daisy agreed. 

Spencer started to read. The warmth from his daughter’s radiated through him, the feeling of them so close, their heads on his chest was such a magical feeling. 

Lily was the one who started dozing off first, he heard her breathing getting drawn out but Daisy wasn’t far behind. 

He didn’t make it to the end of the book before his eyes started fluttering too. 

It had been a particularly hard few days for Spencer, but now as he started drifting off to sleep with his girls in his arms, none of that mattered. 

As long as he had Daisy and Lily and moments like this, what more could he possibly need? 

***

Waking up with his daughters still cuddled against him started Spencer’s day off with a smile. 

They both grumbled as his alarm rudely awoke them and he had to free his arm from beneath Daisy's head so he could shut it off. 

He kissed them both on the crown before helping them up right and motioning them off to shower and dress for school. 

After showering and dressing himself he made the girls breakfast, dropped them at school before dropping Taco at the kennel and continuing the drive to work.

It was only when he was alone in his car that his happiness started to fade as he thought about the possibility of bumping into you. 

He wondered if you noticed he wasn’t there yesterday and if you did, if you’d realised it was because of you. 

He had an overwhelming urge to turn the car around and go home, maybe spend the entire day in bed wallowing again. 

But he had to see you eventually. With any luck he’d be able to avoid you. 

But apparently luck wasn’t on his side. 

He arrived at his office to find you leaning up against the wall next to his door. He kept his eyes down while he fumbled with his keys, trying to pretend he didn’t see you. 

“Feeling better?” Your tone wasn’t as sweet as usual, he heard your frustration laced in your words.

“Uh yeah. Thanks. Must have been like a twenty four hour bug thing.” He got the door unlocked and headed inside, you followed him. “Is there something I can help you with?” 

You rolled your eyes, folding your arms across your chest. 

“Do you read your emails?” You clucked, clearly not happy about having to converse with him. 

“Yes?” He frowned. 

“Clearly not.” You scoffed. “Monroe is out sick, like actually sick not whatever you claim to have been. He’s gonna be gone for at least a week. So I’m your new TA for the time being.” 

“I don’t need a TA.” He shook his head. 

“Too bad. I’m not letting our break up get in the way of my career. So get over it.” You spat. 

“Super,” Spencer rounded his desk. “Just super.” 

So much for avoiding you. 

He slid into the chair behind his desk and you took a seat on the other side. He slid a stack of paper towards you without looking at you. 

“You can read over these papers until class starts. I haven’t gotten around to grading them and I’d like to hear your input.” He spoke, grabbing his own pile. 

You nodded but didn’t speak, picking up the first paper from the stack and starting to read. Spencer did the same only he couldn’t concentrate with you sitting on the other side of his desk. 

He felt like he was being punished by the universe. What had he done that was so terrible that this was his cosmic retribution? 

He sighed to himself, turning away from the papers and switching on his computer. He pulled up his work emails and low and behold there was one waiting for him from yesterday regarding Monroe’s absence and your appointment to be his TA in the interim. 

He flicked through a few more emails before pulling up the web browsing and typing in the address for a local realtor. 

He looked up homes in his neighbourhood and price range while you continued to read through student papers. 

He didn’t look at you once. And you returned the favour. 

***

By the end of the week Spencer was more than ready for the weekend. He’d had to spend nearly every minute of his work days with you and the two of you had only exchanged a handful of words. 

On Friday afternoon he sent you home with a pile of papers he’d already graded for you to look over. 

Spending that much time around you and not being able to talk to you like he used to was as exhausting as it was heartbreaking. Whenever you looked at him it was with disdain, when you spoke he heard the hurt in your voice. 

Spencer wanted nothing more than to be the person to take away your pain, not be the one to cause it. Simply being work colleagues wasn’t enough. 

But he’d made his bed and he had to lie in it. 

With any luck Monroe would be back on Monday and if he wasn’t then there was only one week left of the semester anyway. He just had to make it through one more week.

Perhaps if he wasn’t seeing you everyday, when he could put some distance between you for the summer, it would help to mend his shattered heart. Maybe by the time September rolled around the two of you would be able to be friends. 

As much as he would miss you during the summer he knew it was for the best, he needed to heal and he needed to focus on his girls. 

Just one more week. 

By the time the weekend came he’d already had a few realtors around to value his home and on Saturday Lily spent the afternoon with Kristy and the Simmons two girls while Spencer went to look at potential new houses. 

He’d tried to get Daisy to stay with her sister but she’d been adamant about helping him choose their new home. Admittedly he did need all the help he could get. 

So with that in mind he’d asked Penelope to come along too. The bubbly blonde had been more than happy to house hunt with him and spend more time with her goddaughter. 

The three of them looked at six houses in the neighbourhood and each one of them Spencer had turned his nose up at. Every positive thing Penelope or Daisy had to say about them, Spencer countered with something negative.

After the sixth house he’d snubbed, they went for coffee before the final viewing of the day. Penelope and Daisy looked, quite rightly, fed up, while they drank their respective drinks and ate slices of pie. 

“Remind me again what was wrong with number three?” Garcia asked, snapping Spencer’s attention away from the printout he’d been looking at for the next and final house they were going to see.

“It was too…bright.” He shrugged, picking up his mug and taking a sip of coffee. 

“What’s wrong with bright?” Daisy spoke with a mouthful of blueberry pie. 

“It was airy, there’s nothing wrong with it being airy.” Garcia stirred her tea. 

“What about that last one? The bedrooms were huge! So much bigger than my bedroom now.” Daisy grinned. 

“The yard was tiny.” Spencer scoffed.

“The yard was not tiny.” Penelope rolled her eyes. 

“It’s smaller than my yard now. And we have a dog, remember?” Spencer looked back at his printout. 

“You have a very small dog who does not need a huge yard.” Penelope sighed deeply. “Spence, what’s really going on? All six of those houses were lovely.” 

Spencer looked back up and swallowed, glancing between Penelope and Daisy. Daisy huffed out a breath, knowing exactly what that look meant. 

He had something to say that he didn’t want to say in front of her. She got the hint, pushed her chair back and stood up.

“I need to use the bathroom.” She didn’t, but if Penelope could talk some sense into him maybe she wouldn’t have to keep looking at houses with her dad until she was fifty years old. 

Daisy took her leave and Spencer sighed as he watched her go. 

“I know Daisy seems ok with this, but is she really? And Lily? I haven’t stopped to ask Lily about this. Am I really going to pull them away from their childhood home? They grew up in that house, I just don’t know if this is a good idea. I don’t think they’re ready.” He shook his head, picking his coffee mug back up. 

“They aren’t ready, or you aren’t?” Garcia raised an eyebrow at him over her bright blue framed glasses.

“Why wouldn’t I be ready? It was my idea.” He scoffed, looking away from her which told her he was lying. 

“Spence, it’s ok to be unsure about this. It’s a big deal, moving out of that house that you and Maeve brought together.” She spoke softly, she hoped encouragingly. 

When Spencer’s eyes landed back on her they looked a little misty. 

“It shouldn’t be a big deal.” He croaked. “She cheated on me, I should want to get out of that house, right?” 

“Emotions are complicated, boy wonder.” She shrugged meekly. 

His lip twitched a little at the corner at her use of his nickname. She’d called him it since they’d met, when he was a fresh faced twenty something. Now in his mid forties with two kids, it felt strange still being called it. But he enjoyed it anyway. 

“If I move,” he took a sip of coffee, perhaps trying to buy himself some time. “I have to pack up that house, go through all the memories. There are boxes of stuff in the attic, photo albums, Maeve kept boxes of ticket stubs and receipts from movies and dinners we went to that I’m pretty sure are up there somewhere. All the kids baby stuff from back when things were good between us. 

And then there’s other stuff. In the kitchen there’s a red wine stain behind the fridge. We only moved it there to cover the mark. It was our eighth wedding anniversary and JJ had the girls and we came home from dinner and got a little…frisky. I got carried away and spilled her wine everywhere. 

In the living room there’s a mark on the wall behind the coat stand from where I’d just gotten home from work one day, back when I worked at the BAU and the kids were asleep. She, uh, surprised me by dropping to her knees while I was still in the doorway and I reached out to grab something and knocked the coat rack over, which in turn knocked over a photo and marked the wall.

There’s scuffs on the wall behind the headboard from…well I think that’s pretty explanatory. There’s other things too, not all sexual. There’s a dent behind a painting in the hall from where she threw her shoe at me during a fight, stuff like that. 

But it’s all memories, you know? Memories I thought we’d look back on together when we were old and Daisy and Lily had moved out. I never expected it to be like this, and the thought of moving out and having to face all that on my own…”

He finally trailed off, surprising Garcia with his honesty. She hadn’t expected any of that, thought he might skirt around the issue. For a moment she found herself speechless by what he’d said, but she forced herself to speak. 

“You’re not on your own, Spencer.” She reached across the table and put her hand on top of his. “Just because you left the BAU, doesn’t make us any less family. We will all be there to help you if that’s what you need. You’re never on your own, ok?” 

Spencer nodded, blinking rapidly to try and clear his eyes of tears. Daisy skulked back over, sliding back into her chair and he removed his hand from Garcia’s.

“Everything ok?” Daisy asked, tucking back into her pie. 

“Everything’s just fine, pumpkin.” Spencer looked at the printout and balled it up in his hands, making both Daisy and Penelope frown.

“What are you doing?” Garcia grabbed the paper from his hand.

“I don’t need it.” He shook his head. You liked the last house, Daisy? You think your sister will like it?” 

“We’d both get bigger bedrooms.” Daisy nodded. “And it’s super close to school, I could walk from there. And Meredith only lives two blocks away.” 

“Ok.” He took a sip of his coffee. “Then I’ll call the realtor and I’ll make an offer.” 

Penelope and Daisy exchanged a look of slight disbelief and confusion. When they looked back at Spencer, he had a determined look on his face. 

He finished his coffee and stood up, pulled his phone out of his pocket and headed towards the cafe door. Daisy and Penelope watched him go.

“What did you say to him, Aunty Penny?” Daisy gasped a little, looking back at her aunt. 

“He just needed a little reminder that his family had his back.” Garcia smiled, taking Daisy’s hand and giving it a soft squeeze. “Do me a favour though?”

“What’s that?” 

“Just keep an eye on your dad for me. He pretends to be strong for you and your sister but he’s a lot more fragile than you’ll ever know. Just keep an eye on him, ok?” 

“Ok.” Daisy nodded, watching her dad through the window as he paced the street with his phone to his ear. 

She knew what her aunt was saying was true, her dad was fragile even if he’d never admit it. But as long as she was his daughter, he would never be alone, she would make sure of it. 

After everything he’d done for her in her life, it was the least she could do to return the favour. 

@andiebeaword @muffin-cup @measure-in-pain @dreatine @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @justreadingficsdontmindme @spencer-reid-wonderland @thebloomingeagle @foxy-eva @kbakery @simxican @aysixdy @givemeth @loonalockley @shamelessfangirl-3 @redbulldinner @derekm24 @pinkiceee-prose @werewolfbansheelove @mindbelova @angelicasworld

[reallyhardy]

Loren, have you started watching Scott Pilgrim Takes Off!? I'm on episode 5 rn, interested in your thoughts if you have started watching

YES hello!

i thought it was brilliant! i loved the subversion of expectation (i mean i WOULD deffo have been happy to sit there any just watch The Story I Know yet again, but it was SO exciting when i realised they were doing something different.) i love love LOVED the animation, all the action sequences looked so fantastic, and... i loved the addition of the sparks ✨ i thought it was SO so cute. SPOILERSSSS below:

i thought will forte playing older/even older scott was a fantastic choice (channelling phil tandy miller from the last man on earth for sure)

i also adored the scene with kim and knives bonding through music, and all of knives becoming part of the band... the whole thing with todd and wallace was absolutely nuts...

i thought it was nice expanding on all the exes stories and having ramona go in and make up with (most of) them. the story with roxie was particularly good and had me tearing up! and i was absolutely sobbing by the end of the series haha although i think a lot of it had to do with the nostalgic angle for me and how much i'd loved the movie as a teen hahaha and then having the story come back for a third time in my life in a way that felt kinder and more redemptive was really something.

at first i was sad they didn't get into things like steven being gay but then i realised... ofc with it ending in a similar place 'let's try this' but also really it actually ended chronologically not long after the original story starts... it had me realise oh actually there's still so much possiblity for these characters and their lives. they could still have a lot of those adventures and discoveries that happen in the later comics even if we don't see them, it ends on the hopeful note that lets you know they're all going to try, even in the face of knowing that it Could All Go Wrong as shown by older scott & ramona's story, that there is always hope and they may as well give it a shot. BUT i also thought that part with Ultimate Ramona saying "i'm probably going to struggle with this later, so let me tell you this now, i love you" IDKKK i know to that-timeline scott that's early af but to ultimate ramona it's a real present thing since she's got all of that knowledge and history inside her. ANYWAY MADE ME EMOTIONAL also loved the visual reference to the kiss from the end of ponyo :')

.............ramona RE-BLEACHING and dyeing her hair THAT much was absolutely insane though 🤣 i've seen ppl say 'WITH A DEVELOPER BASE!?' too although I PERSONALLY believe she was maybe. mixing with conditioner. that's the only thing i could think of that would make it even remotely acceptable to bleach it that much (but also its a cartoon so ofc not realistic haha)

also i THOROUGHLY enjoyed the nicholas angel & danny butterman cameos 🤣 i was like wait why are these two security guards english.....? oh wait. oh okay. i see.

[bugtransport]

god i really liked the ending to fionna and cake... i can't stop thinking about it each time i go back and run it through my mind i pick out different things that they did to set things up. and i'm coming at the show from the perspective of someone who really liked simon as a kid and always found him interesting and also just fucking loves sad men in general so. there's your context. it's a show about him being able to come to terms with the fact that he served a positive role in someone's life but that people and circumstances change and he needs to let things move on and come to terms with how things are in the present and accept the future instead of just living in the past, right. i mean he's living in a goddamn display of how things used to be back in the day.

more than that though there's marceline at the beginning of the show off getting a tattoo which is one of the quintessential "oh, she's not my little girl any more!" parenthood moments. we see the mess that she's in in the star where she didn't learn compassion growing up and is trapped in her toxic doomed yuri spiral. we see the winter king who actively warns simon from creating an ice-betty and yet he made himself an ice-marceline who's forever a child stuck there with him, who melts when he dies. we have the setup and proof that marceline is better off for having known and spent time with simon but proof as well that he needs to be able to let her grow up. (to sidebar with marshall, you can contrast it to his mom who wants to be this big controlling part of his life and... that's honestly why i don't feel mad about marcy not being in the finale.) same with fionna and cake - only by taking them out of his mind and letting them be in their own world and do their own thing without his "protection" and his magic as a crutch are they able to make their world their own and have it canonized. it's him giving up the chase he's been on his whole life with the crown by throwing it into the void and moving on because it doesn't mean anything anymore, there's no purpose in it, it served its time and that time is over now. it's everything with him and betty where you can't change things but you don't regret the time that you spent together. you might change the specifics but you wouldn't change being able to know someone and be in their life.

we can take it meta and say that setting this with fionna and cake is a play to our nostalgia as viewers and that fionna having grown up and become her own person apart from how she was in adventure time the show is doing something similar to us. i think that viewpoint of being in the present and accepting things as they are is something that feels so adventure time to me; in the same breath that itself makes it feel nostalgic. there are so many points in this show where i caught myself thinking "wow, that really felt like what watching adventure time felt like back in school" which i guess could have kind of been the point. being able to see these characters come to some kind of new closure was closure for me.

to be able to hold love in your heart for something or someone that served a time and place in your life but that you've since moved on from or grown away from is healthy and good and not shown nearly as much as i would like! i think it's important. it really made me happy to see that as the angle they decided to go with. everything can have a time and place. and we can move on.

[alloveydovey]

Dramas I watched this past month! The month of the rewatch. (Also spoilers!)

Crush (cdrama) 6.5

This had such a strong start and then went downhill bad (like really bad).

Psychology student decides to sort of intern (? at a special education school and meets a blind braille teacher there. There’s also music involved.

Like in most cdramas I’ve watched, everyone behaves like a twelve-year-old, and the conflict starts out of things that an adult should be able to prevent. The main couple drastically changes in the second half, and it’s like you are watching a whole other drama.

Into the Ring (kdrama) (rewatch) 10 ⭐️

My eternal love to Nana in this (and in general. I’m in love with her). Se Ra is probably my favorite FL from all the dramas I’ve watched.

I remember being very skeptical the first time I saw this (because politics, kinda boring?) but it was so worth it.

Park Sung Hoon is also such an excellent companion to all of her craziness. His and Nana's chemistry was one of the best ones. The awkward but somehow very comfortable atmosphere you feel while watching them is next level. Still one of my favorite dramas. 10/10, I adore it.

Doona! (kdrama) 8

I still have mixed feelings about this one. The sort of angst romance was on point. Actors were good, narrative was fast-paced and kept me entertained. Doona is presented as a complex character and so the story even with happy moments, feels very bittersweet. But even with all that, I feel like I'd have to watch it again because there’s something that puts me off but I can’t quite decide what it is exactly.

I also want to know why they had her wearing tiny tank tops and shorts in snowy winter lol…

A Business Proposal (kdrama) (rewatch) 8.5

The first time I watched a business proposal I didn’t really like it. I thought it was way too cliche and absurd and dropped it after the third episode. It was the fourth kdrama I had watched after Crash Landing on You, Hometown Cha Cha Cha, and Twenty-Five Twenty-One so like… it had big shoes to fill in. I came back to it eventually and finished it.

Now after rewatching… I think learned to appreciate a good over-the-top rom-com (they became my favorites lol) and this definetly hits all the boxes. It feels like an instant classic. Also music 10/10.

Usokon (jdrama) 7

If it is marriage contract/fake dating then sign me the fuck up!!! Usokon started strong but at some point (around episode 8/9) I started getting frustrated. We know that there are feelings involved, but nobody is doing anything about it. The ML (even though he absolutely steals the show) doesn’t do anything to move forward, and the FL is too clueless to make a move. And so there’s not enough romance in a drama that is primarily romantic since the main focus is their fake marriage/ relationship. Also, it had such a frustrating ending!!!

My Girlfriend is a Gumiho (kdrama) 7,5 ⭐️

Nothing beats old kdramas, they have such a particular nostalgic vibe that makes you unable to stop watching. My girlfriend is a gumiho was so sooo stupid, childish, and even cringe, but so cute!!! Every time Shin Min Ah and Lee Seung Gi were together on screen I couldn’t stop smiling. I can totally see this one becoming a comfort drama. Another one with soundtrack 10/10.

Daily Dose of Sunshine (kdrama) 9

I read somewhere that this was like a mental health for dummies book, and to be honest, it’s kind of like that, but it works so well! The way they visualized mental disorders was so creative, I was impressed.

All the characters were intriguing enough to keep me going. Everyone had something to offer here. Even the patients from each episode.

Watching this felt deeply sad yet deeply comforting as well. Park Bo Young absolutely kills it (as usual. QUEEN).

Twinkling Watermelon (kdrama) 9.5

This one was pure gold. Time travel to meet the younger version of your parents? Sign me fuck up. The idea of sending Eun Gyeol back in time to try to understand his family and live his youth is such a cool (and emotional af) premise. It had the ideal balance of comedy and emotion. I feel like sixteen episodes weren’t enough. I could have sat there for another twenty episodes watching those teenagers being silly lol.

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

Sad au for Charlie is that he reconnected with Casper but they die. For drama bc I want to hurt him (affectionate) someone else falls for him, who was there for him the whole time Casper died.

After a while the person is just accepting he'd never look at them the same way he did Cas. But then Casper's ghost, who could leave since they knew Charlie is devastated since they just connected and the world rip them apart again.

So Casper's ghost sees this person taking care of Charlie and they think thank you. Casper gently helps Charlie and the person from the shadows and help Charlie open up again.

Then they see love bloom between them. Casper is delighted, a bit mad since they couldn't be like that with Charlie but happy he found a new love. So match maker ghost time!

Casper makes shit happen and the person decided fuck it I'm confessing. Charlie feels guilty and tells them I'll think about it. So Casper gets in Charlie's head, showing up in a dream.

Senario:

Charlie's breath hitched as he sees them. His Casper, his first real love. Tears stream as he rushes to them, a tackle is formed as he hugs them close. Casper laughs, it sounds like light bells to his ears. He's manually breathing as they play with his golden locks. Shuttering as they're warm hands engulf him with love. Just like that night...Casper then gently brings his head up.

"Charlie. You can date them." Blinking he starts to stutter "B..But what about y-" Casper rushes to kiss his forehead "Shush. I'm dead. Charlie, your allowed to move on. I won't blame you, I think it's nice." The blond felt more tears prick his eyes "r-really? You mean it Cas?" Nodding happily Casper hugs him again "They're a good person. I know they'll take care of you for me. If not I'll haunt their ass." The quick joke made Charlie chuckle a bit.

Charlie then smiles and shakily asks "Can you hold me one last time before going?...I...I..just..." Casper pulled him back to their chest and smiled "Of course." Feeling like a kid again when they would hug eachother for comfort Charlie felt nostalgic. Like a vine he tangled himself in Casper once more, just one last time.

He dosen't remember when he woke up just that he felt the urge to go to that person. Not thinking he threw on cloths and rushed out the door to their house. Casper willed theirs to him and he's been there ever since the funeral. Running down the street in the cold night felt thrilling as he almost slipped in the person's yard.

Scrambling up the small steps he banged on the door. Panting like a dog as I looked around incase he woke up a neighbor. There was frantic footsteps before the door lock made a noise and sung open. The person blinked at Charlie "What's wro-" without thinking. He was doing that a lot right now he pulled them in and kissed them passionately.

The world felt like to slowed as the kiss last for what felt like a hour. Charlie then broke it and smiled "I...love you." The person smiled as tears fell "I do too!" With a hug they held eachother. Little did they know Casper was floating next to them with a big smile. "Be happy you two." They said as Casper hugged both of them. And finally moving on they only stayed to watch over Charlie.

[goldenpinof]

Hi. original alienation anon here. I'm happy to report that my fears (so far) are unfounded :)

I'm going to try to explain why I found dd to be alienating as succinctly as possible.

I get that he was basically trying to make the YT version of the Eric André show, but it didn't work for me for a number of reasons. Firstly, YT is not a good platform for that kind of content. The Eric André show is on a network that is known for bizarre, offensive shows. YT is not that. It's a personality-driven platform that runs on the parasocial relationships between creators and their audiences. Dan was also not the best person to pull that concept off. Eric André is and always has been known for his chaotic, rude, unlikable persona. Dan is not. He built an audience by being likable and relatable. So for him to suddenly do a total 180 and become this rude, mean, cold person was alienating to me and other viewers who had built a parasocial relationship with the person he presented himself as in his videos.

Secondly, and this is gonna sound harsh, Dan is not as deep as he thinks he is. DD isn't good satire. He basically just made the content he was supposed to be satirizing and dressed it up in this pretentious concept of a dystopian variety show. He clearly was pressured into making those videos to promote WAD and it shows. His commentary on the concepts he talked about was surface level. he didn't say anything that countless video essayists who are smarter and more educated than him haven't already said. I also agree with the person who said it felt overproduced and cheap at the same time.

My third and main problem with DD though, is how mean-spirited it often felt. I watch dnp for light-hearted entertainment. I don't want to watch someone I usually like being a dickhead to their friends and family for 20 minutes, whether it's joking or not. There were times when you could tell that the guest was uncomfortable, but Dan just didn't seem to care? The worst was Louise. I felt so much second-hand embarrassment watching that video. She clearly felt uncomfortable but Dan just kept pushing it. The cringiest part was when he said that thing about the 2012-2014 YT era being nostalgic and Louise said "it wasn't a good time for me. I had a 2 yr old and was going through a divorce." Yikes! That just made Dan come off like a self-absorbed, inconsiderate asshole to me. Obviously we don't know how Louise really felt or what went on behind the scenes but that video left a bad taste in my mouth and completely changed how I viewed Dan.

Here's my conclusion. I think Dan needs to play to his strengths. social commentary and irreverent comedy are not two of them. People like him mainly for 3 reasons; his ability to relate to others through his own personal struggles, his chemistry with Phil, and his aspirational relationship with Phil (whatever the nature of that relationship is). DD pretty much destroyed all of that in one fell swoop. Even though I think that was entirely intentional, it was a very, very bad move. He can't just toss his entire image in the fire and expect it to work out for him. Not without doing the work to win over a new audience, like say, Joji did when he went from being Filthy Frank to a serious, sad-boy musician. I'm glad he got the chance to try new things, even if they didn't work out, but I think he's smart for going back to doing what he's good at and I hope for our sake and his that he sticks to it.

I said succint and then this turned into a whole essay lol. Sorry. I know some people are not going to like what I said, but that's how I feel.

hi! so sorry it took me so long to get to this!

i agree with some things and disagree with others. just so people won't argue with me because of your perception of dd, i'll list disagreements (and the hardest agreements, i guess). but it's totally cool to feel what you feel, and youtube content is made for people to have different opinions and obviously, we have different reactions to intentional harshness and rudeness. also, i'm so so glad you gave dnpgames a chance! we're back and stronger than ever!!

putting under the cut to not disturb the dnpgames euphoria <3

i agree that youtube , and specifically Dan's main channel, wasn't the best place to put this type of content on. maybe his 2nd channel would have been better, but it would have given even less views. so like, the point? because now his main channel looks all over the place. the usual content flow was interrupted by a video trashing youtube and the whole conceptual series of dd. and even dd was interrupted by the 2nd wad trailer and the memes video. right now it looks, dare i say, ugly. if he ever returns to actual youtube content and not promo videos, he will have to swallow this hard pill.

your 2nd reason - agree. but i don't think it's a bad thing, considering the circumstances (dd being made under pressure to somehow promote wad. with limited time and budget). lots of people comment on the same things and happen to give the same remarks. it's fine, it's still interesting to hear. (ironically, that's youtube and its algorithm for you)

hard agree on Dan (almost) destroying his image, especially in relation to dnp™. but we're still here, he can't push us away no matter how hard he tries.

disagreements :))

i think the video with Louise was good. that comment about 2012-2014 (the prime Brit crew times specifically) being nostalgic - i mean, it IS. for some people more, for some people less. it can be nostalgic and not a good time equally. i have personal examples when it's both. and i rewatched that moment. Louise said, "I loved those years for the most part." Dan went on to question WHAT exactly she loved, and only then she had to specify that it wasn't actually that simple. Dan likes to say how simple life was "back then". "back then" being any time in the past lol. "simpler, better times" is a phrase i still quote, and it was said years ago (i don't even remember where). he was rude in the video, but not ruder than with others. motherhood is a more sensitive topic for Louise than for Dan and, may i say, the majority of us. but they are friends, and at the end of the day, she could literally say "shut the fuck up and stop" and that would be accepted.

i also think that Dan would be amazing at social commentary if you give him more time to prepare scripts and find the right tone. his liveshows are a good indicator of that. he wasn't trying to punch anyone with his words while delivering his thoughts. he was giving his opinions and explaining them. 2017 has so many amazing quotes from his liveshows. and none of them felt like dd, despite touching on politics, sexuality, mental health, youtube as a platform, our community, the internet as a job, etc. he can do that, he can comment and criticise without trying to prove something. dd had a concept though. he was that obnoxious character playing by "youtube rules". "youtube likes this, this and this. so i'm gonna do all of it, and you're gonna see how bizarre it looks thrown in your face at once and deal with it." social platforms' algorithms are dystopian, he's got a point. his version of satire isn't ideal and you can clearly see that dd was rushed. and that's unfortunate!

anyway, thank you so much for explaining your dd experience. i'm sure there are people who relate to it. i'm sorry, if i sound rude, or like, pushy. i'm not trying to be. actually, dd is probably the easiest topic to discuss because of how ambiguous it is (in a good way).

[katyspersonal]

Re: This post

First off, congrats on three years, girlie!! This is so cool, man. I love seeing Soulsborne games change people’s worlds and give them passion and inspiration for years afterwards <333

(Now hurry up and get to over ten years like me you scrub 😎😎)

Asfghajsdg but in all seriousness, I love that we both started getting active around the BB tumblr fandom around the same time, because even though I was a Soulsborne junkie, I had never found a stable group of lore-friends to enjoy it with, and throughout 2020-2021, I was just drifting aimlessly after watching my old fandom community collapse.

I had been only using tumblr for random shit on another account before this one, but one day I looked up something about the Doll and Gehrman, kinda wondering if the whole “Even the Doll” creep-theory had any other interpretations. I just didn’t like the idea that Miyazaki had written his main “sad old man” of Bloodborne to be a weirdo because it didn’t sound…right? Something felt really off lol. His “sad old men” types usually are dark because of their grave mistakes that led to the deaths of people they cared about/innocent people.

It’s always more tragic than it is gross, and Miyazaki is big on that type of story-telling. He likes his refinement. Sure enough, that gave me the hunch that the Doll wasn’t…ya know.

And voila! I stumble across your brilliant post! I think it was one of the things that made me finally create a Soulsborne blog because I wanted to reblog it. I’m not sure if that’s the exact timeline, but it was definitely part of what drew me over here.

And now here we are, going strong, trying to move on after going through fandom drama hell, and it’s been three years!

Honesty? You are kicking ass <3

Girl you say this, but at the almost same time, Fantomette also started scouting the fandom and figured she wanted to stick with me over that post :pensive: That post makes me extremely nostalgic! It was just... so chill, so nice, so leveled. 0% fatigue. Where did that nice version of me go and who is this angry unlikeable bitch typing this ask response now? xD

But yeah, overall, Soulsborne games are just written in such a way that it genuinely helps to know all of them on at least basic story level to understand each of them individually! The more I learned about reoccuring themes in other games in the series, the better my lore understanding became. You know I would not do shit on Research Hall and Deep Sea without DS3, or better grasp ER characters without entire DS trilogy! If you don't want to play, just learn their themes and story, I promise it helps a lot!

Anyways thank you for the nice words; I had not even noticed how fast the time went by! It feels like I have not done "enough" considering three years span, but maybe I am underestimating myself and focusing too much comparing amount of my drawings compared with faster and more talented artists. After all, fandomry is first about discussions and passion, and I've had nothing BUT that on the way x) So yeah, let's just give up and die watch fandom crash and burn. Because, you know what? THE very "system" that made it crash and burn to begin with will also, eventually, crash and burn, and something good will sprout from the ruins. And we won't miss it! Except, that good era will also crash and burn eventually. And then the thing that destroyed it will. And then what people build from THOSE ruins will. And then another thing... and another thing... and another thing.....

STILL I want you to be there for me through every turn of the downward spiral, you chicken <3 *stabs u affectionately*

[transingthoseformers]

Wysfm au

So I finally gave the reveal scene set up and it's angsty

Ratchets team begins to argue with Rodimus team Rodimus is arguing with with Drift Starscream, Bumblebee and Thundercracker are arguing with KOBD, Windblade and Soundwave are trying to help with both arguments and in the middle of this "they need to know" "No they don't their happy and fine and we don't need to ruin that" Ratchet corners Erik and Orion. Ratchet starts with the story of Orion pax/Optimus Prime and he tells Orion who he is. Orion is anxious about the concept? Worried about it? I'm not sure what the right word is it's almost nostalgic but it's like that feeling of honored anxiety almost. But then Ratchet turns his attention to Erik and Ratchet doesn't spare too many details of the war and all the bad things Megatron did and Erik starts to of course panic. Erik desperately turns to Starscream and begs Starscream to tell him that Ratchet is lying and that this is wrong and Starscream almost ashamed looks away from Erik confirming Erik's fears.

After this whole situation Erik stops picking up rides from Rodimus and Bumblebee. It takes Orion coaxing him for Erik to even be around any of the bots for a while and everything is super awkward the entire time.

Do not let the paragraph above fool you into thinking everything is okay with Orion and the bots but Bumblebee was Orion's only ride and it was nice to be able to sleep in and not worry about walking to work. Bumblebee and Orion get to talk the situation out more and come to the conclusion that the bots had valid fears about telling them, however Orion and Erik should have gotten more of a choice in the matter if they wanted to know or not.

Starscream is not doing to hot. His human companion has entirely withdrawaled and nothing is the same without him (Thundercracker isn't very good at the untitled goose game and Soundwave lacks the chaotic energy Erik had for the game)

Everyone is sad, angry, or upset in some format and a little drabble for you

Erik looked around panicked. No Ratchet had to be lying. Erik turned to face Starscream he could feel the panic well in his chest. "Starscream?" The name felt strange in his mouth as he said it. "Starscream? Is it true?"

Erik watched in horror as Starscream cringed. "Starscream?"

The jet turned away from him and a pit formed in Erik's stomach; No, no this had be wrong! He couldn't be everything Ratchet said he was. No. Erik felt himself turn and sprint, he didn't know where he was going but he was going fast. He couldn’t stay there not under all those eyes, Erik couldn't be weak infront of them.

Ohhhh oh no, poor Erik and Ori, they did need to know eventually but this? This was a distressing way for them to learn

Naturally their responses are gonna be different-y. Orion's exactly gonna worry more about not being good enough, and Erik... Oh Erik. He's gonna feel so guilty. So so so guilty, and he's choosing avoidance as his main thing rn

Makes sense that Bee and Ori would chat that out more, they're kinda stuck doing it

Yes. Yes, our pair of humans deserved the choice to know.

Starscream misses him, he misses him dearly doesn't he

oh Erik. I want to hug him so much like ohhh. It's truly a situation where ignorance might've truly been bliss

[madlad-sadgal]

I don't know if I'm the only one who does this, but any time I feel a bit down, I try making a list of things that are going good in my life, or that make me happy, or changes I've made in my life that are helping me. That's what happened today, so I started on my list. Thought I might share to see if this helps anyone, and also I just feel like sharing positivity is good, so enjoy these few things I find that are going good in my life!

I've been going on more walks, trying to go on one everyday. I've been trying to get more exercise in, but I despise the gym and training apps are not for me. Walks was my best option, and it's honestly really enjoyable! They're not consistent, sometimes late at night, early in the morning, or in the middle of the afternoon. They can go from 15 minutes to an hour, and I might bring music or just go out and enjoy nature. It all depends on how I feel that day, and they're honestly a great way to get my mind off things and clear my head.

I've been spending more time with my friends and family. I play board games with my parents every weekend, and me and my friends have been getting the whole friend group together once a month. It doesn't matter if we're just chatting, playing silly games, or screaming our lungs out doing karaoke in the garage, it's nice to have one night where I can just lean back and enjoy everyone's presence!

I'm starting to spend more time engaging in my hobbies or activities I like to do. This includes reading and writing, playing card games (specifically those, I love card games), journaling, and a bunch of other stuff. I also have this thing where I, like, genuinely enjoy math? Like I'll go online and print out a sheet of random equations (algebra or multiplication for example) and just go through it. It's a nice little challenge and it keeps my brain running, as well as distracts me from my never-ending thoughts for a few moments.

I managed to find time to catch up on a bunch of series I've wanted to watch for so long!

I recently went through some of my old "Memory Boxes" and just spent a whole day recalling a bunch of stuff I did when I was young, like art projects or old pictures of me and my friends at a birthday party. That was nice. Nostalgic, but nice.

My best friend's in Mexico right now, and although it's kind sad since I've known her for 10 years and we've gotten used to seeing each other almost every day, the pictures she sends me are stunning and every night we text for almost an hour just talking about the culture and history, and it's just fun learning a bunch of new stuff

There's most definitely a lot more, but this is what I came up with today, and it managed to boost my mood! Also just felt like spreading a bit of positivity, so yeah.

Buh-bye!

[hotarutranslations]

Hello Pro Dance Gakeun Season 11!

Evening

Its Hello Pro Dance Gakuen!

Today!

Its finished!

Everyone, thank you very much, for always watching the show😌🫶🏻

This time it was also really! Fulfilling!

Its amazing!

The information is just so much it gave me a headache! And I laughed too much as well!

First off our teacher this time in season 11 is,

FabulousSisters, TSUKUSHI-san❤️

2 and a half years ago on the show, we danced together in a reallyyyy cool showcase, its that FabulousSisters-san❤️

Within that she captivated me with her solo dance, She unnnnleashed her power,

TSUKUSHI-san🥹❤️

Also, I'm sure most you have seen or heard about it, until recently, um, she was challenging an audition show, she really worked hard on there, she was cool the whole time..

When I found out that TSUKUSHI-san was participating, I was really surprised at first but,

Her dancing is already just so cool, She was already a greatly expressive person, When danced together before on the show, I could painfully feel, her expressions from watching her, so I'm happy many people were watching her expressions🥹✨ TSUKUSHI-san's singing is also cool, Its amazing, she is a wonderful person

This time,

Hello Pro Dance Gakuen Season 11 Learned from this TSUKUSHI-san🕺

She show us things like, what are you conscious of when performing and a wide range of expression through dance and facial movement,

It felt like I was able to peek into TSUKUSHI-san's drawer of valuable things she has acquired over the years (although she is only 17), the time was like that

I wanted to watch her more.. It was really sad when today was over..

This time was amazing but, Instead of the 6 members dancing,

It was a showcase that the teacher also performed in🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

TSUKUSHI-san made the composition, TSUKUSHI-san danced together with us,

You know?

Did a convey it?

It was a luxurious time……🕺🔥

Everyone will be able to watch it,

From April 18th so its a bit further away Please really looking forward to it

Definitely, really! Watch it!

.🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Also this time we laughed a lot at, those who came for the MC this time,

Kagaya-san👏🏻👏🏻

They make every moment exciting and lively, When we concentrate so much our faces get serious← They would make funny scenes to loosen up then😂🫶🏻 All of the members in Dance Gakuen today,🥹🫶🏻 always, had really good smiles! fufu

I don't know how it will be aired but,

I think there are so many things to see~~ The 2 also danced………😎🔥👍🏻 fufufu

I'm saying this arbitrarily but, Someday, someday, I want to live to see the dance today come to life in a skit 🌎fufufu

Look forward to airing on April 18th

Thanks for your hard work today as well!!!

📺Sendai Broadcast "Ara Ara Kashiko"

February 10th (Sat) 10:25~ Ishida Ayumi Goes! is airing🌸

📺Hello Pro Dance Gakuen Season 11

April 18th 11:30PM~ A Learning From TSUKUSHI-san Adventure🕺

In season 10 we challenged breakin', its reairing continously! On the 15th, 17th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, #1~#6 all at once! Check out HP for info!

Hello! Station #515 "Hello! Project 25th Anniversary" New Member Audition Results Special!!

New members were announced😳🪽

💿Releasing February 7th

Morning Musume '23 25th ANNIVERSARY CONCERT TOUR ~glad quarter-century~ at Nippon Budokan

Thank you for waiting for the Blu-ray&DVD! Its finally releasing--!

Its already nostalgic but, It has an amazing medley, really Please enjoy it many times

📚Releasing on February 7th "Hello! Project BEST SHOT!! Vol.26"

Ishida AyumixOda SakuraxNonaka Miki📸 Fukumura MizukixIshida AyumixOda Sakura📸

✍🏻Tokyo Sports note Series

Hello Pro Dance Club

The topic of todays column is dance, by all means

🪩Current Winter Concert Tour Hello! Project 2024 Winter ~THREE OF US~

🪩Spring Tour Has Been Decided Morning Musume '24 Concert Tour Spring MOTTO MORNING MUSUME

🪩HinaFest March 30th and 31st at Makuhari Messe

🪩JAPAN JAM Morning Musume '24 will be performing on May 3rd!

We'll be going around the country from March 16th!

.👗👠 Aoyama Clothing x Morning Musume '24

📻Morning Musume '24 Morning Jogakuin ~Houkago Meeting~

Airs Every Saturday, On Radio Nihon at 12:00AM~

Past Broadcast Episodes Are Available →Program Details

see you ayumin <3

[thejourneyofjay]

The Process Of Introspective Growth.

Changes in one's life are typically prompted by a quest for self-knowledge. For many of us, the first step on a new route is a sincere and genuine desire to alter our current way of life. You are aware of how challenging this method is, particularly in the outset. In unfamiliar area, our chances of success may be low. Real, lasting transformation requires a collaborative effort. Having a clear idea of our aims is not the same thing as really achieving them. This music represents those journeys, the introspection of difficult obstacles and everything that holds us back, the release of pain and pent-up emotion, and the growth, discovery, and love of oneself that occur on such journeys.

One of the many reasons I adore this song is because of the wonderful development you go through when playing it. There will be times when you feel like you've stumbled across something great, like a new concept. This is the key to unlocking whatever mental barrier a person could be facing. The combination of this item, piece, or sound with this time and place will cause you to experience or think about the world in a new manner. Perhaps there are times when you believe you have solved a problem, only to later discover that you were mistaken. Based on these chords, I see agape to be a mental door opening to a place where inner calm and self-discovery persist throughout one's travels. My perspective is that it's right here. Just hearing the song's intro makes you happy. It's very detailed and striking. When music is this detailed, it allows you to turn within and attempt to conjure up an emotional state in your mind's eye. As soon as I heard this music, I felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness and love for myself. The way this song makes me feel is like I'm on a never-ending learning journey, that I won't know anything until I've discovered everything all.

I chose this song because the story is about a reclusive person who is constantly taught what to do. They sing about breaking up with the "group" or a romantic interest in order to find fulfillment in their lives. My favorite line in the song is:

"Hey hey watch me wave  Goodbye to yesterday  Nothing left in my way"

It's a proclamation of their independence and lack of ownership to his past.

This track was chosen because it provides insight into LaRussell's background and the struggles he overcame in order to achieve success. How these tests never accurately reflected his current condition, his degree of satisfaction, or the long-term objectives he had set for himself. And yet, he persisted, despite all the challenges. When mixed with the thoughts, the song's nostalgic and uplifting melody creates the illusion of traveling through time. In my opinion, this pleasure, along with the nostalgia felt while remembering the past, is a big part of what makes it so exciting for LaRussell to be in a position to look back.

The fact that Scott takes you on a journey through her emotional state was another factor in my decision to go with this song. Describes the path she will take to emerge victorious from whatever gloom or despair she is now experiencing. She is attempting to make sense of it and embrace it; she is certain that she will prevail; she is aware that she has come too far down her path to change who she is at this point. Although this is not the typical illustration, it does illustrate the point rather well.

This song's lyrics reflect the singer's sadness that the emotional and mental challenges she has endured have made her less empathetic. When considered with other works on the same topic, its significance becomes clear. In terms of the transformation aspect, I see the song as a journey of self-love that culminates in embracing the inevitable loss of one's unique self. She felt really vulnerable and exposed during the whole procedure, but particularly when she finally let go of it and embraced her change.

I thought it was fitting to save this song till last since it is about challenges she must face and conquer. She realizes that holding on to her fears, insecurities, and traumatic experiences would prevent her from developing fully. That this is only a momentary setback is something she knows. She adds, "Sometimes I still doubt myself but at least now I love myself and I am quite emotional that's why you can't get close at all. So I start to push away the ones that love me cause I'm scared that they might walk away. I'm not perfect So I try everyday and I grow a little bit." She reflects on her life and acknowledges that she occasionally experiences the feelings associated with the trauma, but she has learned to gently release them and continues trying since she will grow as a result of it. Perfectly fitting the theme, she accepted her vacation, let go, reflected, grew, and loved. Fantastic illustration.

Background music is the kind of music that is playing while someone is going about their daily routine. The alarming rate at which anarchy is spreading over the globe is another cause for concern. Several musical elements, including melody, sensuality, passion, and pleasure, are used to express a wide variety of emotions in these songs. Blues, rage, despair, and the ego's death and subsequent rebirth are just some of the emotions that get a good airing in these tunes. How much you develop into a more whole person is proportionate to how far you go on your chosen route. Your options at this point are to either turn around and go in the direction you came from, press on with your quest, or use what you've learned thus far. You may call it a playlist if you wish, but I see it more as a window into history through which I can examine the circumstances around the release and the catalyst for the shift. Realizing who you are at your core might be a difficult and time-consuming process. Lacking a firm grasp on one's identity and one's place in the world may lead to a pervasive sense of isolation. The good news is that there is still hope. Some people have been in these shoes before, and they came out the other side more resilient and certain in themselves. Listening to music may be a great way to relax and become motivated when life gets tough. It could give you the confidence you need at the right moment, and it might help you put your thoughts into words. But this theme is to show how all of these artists all different in every way, they all went through the same self discovery just with a different story. They all had to experience growth in the same way, by looking within first.

[highonthought]

Post-Vacation Depri

It's not so fun coming back from vacation. I just miss him. The trip back is always so much longer than the trip there. Maybe anticipation that makes the trip to California so much quicker, I'm so excited to see him. But leaving us so long, I feel every second. Just saying goodbye before the terminal, before security, it sucks. And I come home, and I'm left with this feeling that I've met before. I know it all too well, I'm not anxious I'm not mad, I'm not sad either, I'm nostalgic and I just want to be with him. There's a bit of a twang, of how I felt the last time before we broke up. I didn't know what to do with all of the feelings I felt, all that pain from being away from him, but I thought it would go way if he went away. Obviously it didn't, lol. Two years later were happily dating again and I couldn't be happier.

People say its easier to remember bad things than it is to remember happy memories. And I guess that's true. It's hard to forget how I felt every second after he left the airport and I had to wait through security and walk to my two little, and walk to my gate, and then wait an hour for my flight. Yeah, and I wait for my luggage, and I wait for my bus, and I wait to get picked up from the bus stop, then I'm home, and everything is just how I left it, everything is just as it was when I left. Just stark contrast of arriving to his state, where he waits for me at baggage claim, and i can't wait to get there knowing that my bag wont arrive for another 20 minutes, because I'll get to just stand by him. And this last visit was no different. He had on a red long sleeve mock neck, and he greeted me with a smile and open arms. I just miss him, I can't help it.

We spent basically a whole week at an airbnb living together. I only ever catch a glimpse of what our lives are like when were together. Im happy waking up next to him. Making him breakfast, making dinner together, enjoying our youth together. I love danny, Im not leaving ever again. I get weird manic days where i do some crazyshit but i think ive grown, and am able to rationalize my thoughts now. And even if i cant, I know how it felt to be away from from, completely, for two years. That sucked big balls. It felt off, hes one of my best friends and confidants.

Anyway so im back from vacation with him and i cant get much of nything done because im upset, im sad, im melancholic, I miss him and i just sit and think of him, or i just want to be talking to him. Im havingbtrouble falling back into a routine. Maybe bc i didnt have much of an established pne to begin with. Its easy to just sit here and mope. But theres a pain in my chest and i get a shiver all throught my body when i remeber that im back to my own life, no more fairy tale.

I want to remeber how good it feels to do the things i like.

School

Gym

Work

really i shouldstop watching so much tv bc i never feel good after. I feel great when i come back from the gym, or when I complete a homework assignment. But its so hard to want to do better when my room is such a mess. and man, it is always a mess. But that makes it a great place to start. Im going to clean my room tonight so i can go into the work week feeling good

Sunday: hw, gym, :)

Monday: work, hw

Tuesday: work, gym

Wednesday: work, hw

Thursday: work, class

Friday: (no work hehe) gym, hw

Saturday: clean up room, rest

This looks like an easy enough week list to follow. Simple and realistic. Im glad and looking forward to it. 💕📝

[reidsnose]

doodles

overview: reader doodles on her hands a lot and spencer has to give into the temptation of coloring it in

genre: flufffffff

a/n: sorry ive havent posted a fic in like a week, ive been in quite a slump but i had this idea well after midnight but i just had to write it so lmk what u guys think of this one :)

masterlist

-

-

doodling on your hands: a once nervous habit that had seeped into your everyday life and now is just a regular habit. nearly everyday you would come to work with clean hands and get home with a mini art gallery on your non dominant one.

Spencer admired this from the moment he noticed it. at first he thought you had a tattoo but when you came back the next day with it completely gone, he was a tad confused, only to catch you doodling on that very same hand a couple hours later on the jet. he thought maybe it was an occasional thing, a habit you'd quit once you got better situated into the team, but after nearly a year you still left work almost everyday with some cutesy sketches drawn on your hand.

Spencer found himself looking forward to your doodles, imagining in his head what you might draw each day, and thinking of all the colors you would add if you had the time. being the great profiler that he is, he noticed a pattern: you subconsciously correlated your doodles with your mood.

after especially hard cases or just bad days you always drew roses.

when you were very happy you drew all sorts of fruits.

anxiousness bore little swampy creatures and lily pads.

tired days filled your hands with random, intricate designs that you didn't even have to try hard to make.

and content was anything else.

he was so impressed and absolutely adored your little coping mechanism. watching you concentrate on making those teeny pieces of art simply for your own pleasure was definitely a sight to see. the way your eyebrows furrowed and tongue poked out a bit was absolutely positively adorable. and soon he had noticed that he was looking forward less to the doodles and more to watching you draw them. and after that he began looking forward to just you.

you were sat on the jet with your back to the corner of the last seat on the plane, creating a pattern of roses on the back of your hand. Spencer plopped down in the seat next to you, growing tired of watching from so far away.

"that bad, huh?" he asked, noticing the type of flower you were gracing your hand with.

"hm?" you looked up, confused.

"you only doodle roses on bad days." he explained, pointing to your hand.

"what? no i don't!" you defended, " i just think roses are neat."

to be fair, you were having a bad day but he could've profiled that without the doodle. he cant be right, can he? there was no way you had a mood system for your doodles! unless there was.

"repetitive strokes are therapeutic, so roses being rough days make sense. the spiral in the middle followed by however many layered petals you want is a perfectly repetitive while still interesting enough to doodle."

"if i didn't know any better i'd say you've been spying on me, Dr. Reid," you teased, enjoying the slight rouge that appeared on his cheeks.

"what! no! i'm- i'm a profiler i notice patterns! i just- spying sounds creepy." he stammered.

"ok. how about admiring." you jabbed, turning a little red yourself.

"fine. but you know coloring helps too." he flipped back to the old topic of conversation.

"unfortunately i only have the standard blue, black and red ink."

"roses are red." he chuckled.

"interesting point," you bent down and reached into your bag, pulling out a red pen and handing it to him, "knock yourself out."

"what?" he looked at you slightly bewildered.

"coloring is therapeutic, you said it yourself. and you and i both know that you need something to relax you after a case like that. we all do." you explained, trying to be as nonchalant as you could knowing his skin would touch yours.

he grabbed the pen and clicked it open, coloring smoothly and slowly inside the lines you had already made in black, careful not to go over them and smudge the ink. you and him both tried your best to ignore the warmth shooting through your bodies from every place your hands touched. his fingertips lightly grazing your knuckles as he worked.you worked your way up your arm, giving you both space to work and by the time you landed, you had a half sleeve garden of surprisingly well colored (and somehow shaded) red roses.

you went home that night and bought a pack of colorful (washable) pens, hoping this little rose garden with him wasn't a one time thing. and even if it was, you would want to add your own pop of color to your doodles.

thankfully it wasn't.

you and Spencer found yourselves drawing and coloring on your hand a lot. he would catch you doing it and pop in over your shoulder just to add a touch of color where he thought it fit. and you began to feel sad washing off what the two of you had created that day, feeling nostalgic for time that has hardly passed.

and sometimes on the jet you would get tired of your own skin, so you would draw little doodles on his hand, often times leaving a little heart at the base of his thumb. these little hearts he avoided washing off for as long as he possibly could because they felt like a part of you was always with him. he started doing the same thing to your hand, a sort of signature the two of you shared.

most days, the doodles on your hands were pretty much fully colored in.

but now Spencer began to worry. what if you get ink poisoning because of his coloring? sure, the risk was statistically low, improbable even; but never zero. so one night after work he went out and bought a little sketchbook and on the front he scrawled,

"y/n's super duper special sketchbook"

upon receiving it, after giving him a hug he never wanted to let go of, you took a sharpie and started editing the title he had given it. so it now read:

"y/n and Spencer's super duper special sketchbook"

the two of you used up a whole page that day, front and back filled with all types of fruits. Spencer smiled to himself, knowing this had made you very happy. you took a second to take a step back and admire him doing the very thing he admired you for. and you understood why; he just looked so precious and you suddenly realized you craved the feeling of his hand touching yours. so you leaned over and drew a little black heart at the base of his thumb. he looked up at you, smiling widely before returning a red heart to the base of your thumb.

and you guys tore through that book, using a page a day and filling it cover to cover in no time. your own personal handmade coloring book. it turned out to be both of your most prized possessions, a pang of sadness filling your chests as you finished the last page.

you felt bad taking it home with you that night, wondering if maybe Spencer wanted to keep it. maybe you should keep it at work so you can both have it. thats the fair thing to do. you looked down, smiling sadly at the little red heart on your hand.

he did want to keep it. but he had a better idea in mind. he looked down, smiling excitedly at the little black heart on his hand.

the next day when you arrived to work all your worries were solved. on your desk laid a new sketch book entitled:

"y/n and Spencer's super duper special sketchbook: volume ii"

you laughed as you read a small lilac post it note that said, "i want to keep this one please" signed with a little red heart in the corner.

-

-

ultra mega super cool taglist:

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @coffeereid-deactivated20210303 @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9 @vampire-overlord @takeyourleap-of-faith @s1utformgg @violetspoetic

[ohmykazuha]

♡ cinnamon and nutmeg

♡ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: itto, childe, zhongli, diluc, xiao, thoma, scaramouche, dainsleif x gn!reader

♡ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: fluff <3

♡ 𝐚/𝐧: this was cute to write but all over the place >< | like/rb if you liked this please! consider giving me a follow if you liked it as well ^u^

ITTO hands down loves christmas. i mean... spending time with you, drinking hot chocolate, and presents?! it's the best time of the year! he's pretty new to christmas because it's a rather foreign concept in inazuma, so when you introduce him to it, he's all sparkly-eyed and such. he loves the hot chocolate with the extra marshmallows, the presents, and of course – kissing you under the mistletoe.

CHILDE feels that christmas is a time when he feels nostalgic. growing up with a few younger siblings meant that christmas time was celebrated every year, without fail! he loved the presents when he was younger, but now? his favourite present was you. cuddling with him on the couch, drinking hot chocolate and watching a home alone marathon was a staple each year.

ZHONGLI is new to celebrating christmas. hailing from liyue, there was not a whole lot of celebrations like this. you taught him about the usual customs, the festivities, the idea of santa claus delivering presents, everything! while the concept of christmas was unfamiliar to him, he loved watching the smile on your face as you took in each christmas sight.

DILUC has a twinge of bittersweetness when celebrating christmas. memories of his broken family celebrating the holiday made the day feel.. somewhat sad. watching the children play outside with their parents reminded him of crepus. however? sweet, because of you. you re-taught him the joys of being able to celebrate it with the people he loved and the festivities he looked forward to when he was a child.

XIAO, like zhongli, is new to the concept of christmas. growing up in liyue, where christmas wasn't widely celebrated, he never did really get a sense of what it was like. but... not to worry. you introduced him to the hot chocolate, snowball fights, snow angels – you had to keep him from eating the snow – christmas tree, the full works. he actually quite enjoyed the festivities and being with you... you made his first christmas special, and that was all he could ask for.

THOMA loves christmas. how else would he take the chance to dress kamisato estate up? he runs around the whole place, putting up fairy lights, candles, reindeer figures, any sort of christmas decoration he could get his hands on. it's very cute seeing him get all excited for it, running and putting up his favourite things and making his favourite treats. also consider: cuddling with and curling into thoma with hot chocolate. the absolute dream!

SCARAMOUCHE... is truthfully not a fan of christmas. everything is too loud, too much, and he can't help but want to isolate himself when the time comes. however, you made it enjoyable for him and helped him break out of that shell he hid himself snugly in. it took him ages to get used to being given a present and hot chocolate and cuddles of everything he deemed himself to not need. but in all honesty? with you, it was so much better.

DAINSLEIF enjoys christmas to an extent. while he's not a big fan of communal activities like sledding and making snowmen with children and such, he's more than happy to snuggle with you in bed and watch a movie. i think he might also try his best to bake you christmas treats, but... they might have to be salvaged by you. XD it's really very sweet how he tries his best, though. christmas is always better when it's the two of you. <3

this felt so good to write honestly! writer's block has been kicking my ass but it's getting better hehe >:D please leave a like and reblog and consider giving me a follow! ^u^