#like why nature why must u cook me alive

[v4lentin333]

I hate the heat give me the snow back right fucking now

[pepsiiwho]

Oh, you KNOW I was made for the hate wins ask game. Could I get uhhhhhhhhhhhh 1, 5, 6, 7 & 16, please? <3 I would ask you more, but I feel like that's excessive, and I need to get to work now. Okay, love u, bye, see you when I get home <333

sigh. Don't touch me.

I don't have a single fandom I'm known for or particularly attached to right now, so ill just jump around as i feel.

THE CHARACTER EVERYONE GETS WRONG

I am self appointed idiot who makes every character i get my grubby little hands on ooc. Because of this, I can't say for sure that any characterization I see of my faves is objectively WRONG because my own ideal version of them is surely not right. Now, having been an adult and saying all this I can say with the utmost confidence this award must go to Claude Von Riegan [FE3H] just by virtue of how he's probably one of the more popular characters i adore and as such gets the brunt of the bullshit.

I hate when people write him as this flirty, overly charming guy. Claude cannot flirt his way out of a clear bag and he is paranoid as shit. He isn't seducing your white prince and dragging him down to the dark (ha) side. He also doesn't strike me as someone who's deeply curious about other house's gossip because he actually cares. Claude stays in the know because not knowing is a blind-spot he can't allow himself to have. Screams. its whatever.

5. WORST DISCORD SERVER AND WHY

Worst discord I was ever in ... hard toss up between the ye-olden HQ discord servers or the one dmcl one I was in? Surprisingly, as far as I experienced it, both had very nice people in it on the whole. But the sad truth is too many cooks in the kitchen fucks up the simple soup-- which is to say, having so many other fans with different [WRONG] interpretations was annoying.

I can't deal with not having complete control or like, a general understanding with the people around me in fandom discussions so these servers were just, by their own nature, places I was never meant to be in. [Spits] What do you mean CLAUDE would wanna join the BL class. Go to hell.

6. WHICH SHIP FANS ARE THE MOST ANNOYING? WHY?

Short answer? sylvix. Long answer? Regardless of the fandom, the fans of the biggest most accepted ship [canon or otherwise] will always be the loudest and most annoying imo.

When you've never had to work for your food you get comfortable fast and complain more. Its a natural byproduct of being lucky enough to deeply enjoy the lowest common denominator. In most cases, regardless of fandom-- whatever reigns supreme brings the biggest headaches with it. But If this is still too general then... mmm.. people who ship objectively canon ships because their imaginations can be too small and they'll find rare-pairs odd, weird or even stupid to be into. Many a time I've had someone tell me "they've never even spoken tho.." as if that was a needed component of every ship. They're tiresome people with tiresome arguments. But it's whatever <- she is the most annoying bitch alive.

7. WHICH CHARACTER DID FANON RUIN FOR YOU?

This one is really interesting honestly. I'm usually pretty ambivalent about anyone that isn't in the blorbo pile or the poison pit.... but.... maybe Dedue or Ferdinand? Dedue because f3h fans racism and Ferdinand because he was always someone shipped with Hubert and little else. I think its sad, both ,men have so much going for them too. I'll put Tsukishima on this list as well because he was my number one and ruined by fandom. Actually no put like 90% of the HQ cast here actually hq Fandom sucks ass and ruins every cool guy. it's a bitch.

16. YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY SO MANY PEOPLE LIKE THIS THING

God. I'm such a hater.,... this could really go on forever... Okay, I swat at the hornets nest for this one. fics over 100k. 9 times out of ten, they're not good. Quantity/=/ Quality. Usually most of the word count is just used for shit you didn't even come to the story for. That's fine, I respect any writer who can even make that much of ANYTHING, but people who can read it (and more so ACTIVELY search for it) are odd to me.

I've been worrying on this for a few days and mellowed out since I started so nothing is tooo grating or bitchy here. Look guys I'm kind and sweet forever. Enjoy. Huzzah.

[fire-emblem-drabbles]

Welcome to The Love Club

We wouldn't be seen dead here in the day

Pairing: Yandere! Yoshikage Kira x reader

Description: After killing your best friend, and threatening your very life if you fail to amuse him, Kira acts as if there is nothing wrong. You're still recovering from the death of your friend even as he innocently prepares dinner for the two of you. Your left unsure what to do in her wake--that is, until your stand decides to make itself known.

Content Warning: Yandere, canon typical Kira hand fetish, non consensual touching, imprisonment, ask to tag

Rating: sfw

Word Count: 2002

Notes: WHOO a full year or more later and I finally continue this. Who would have guessed that by then, I would have moved to everything to this blog and become multifandom? I stayed up late looking for the first part to move to this blog, so that should post first. I hope you guys like readers stand! When I first wrote part 1 of this, I had a very basic idea of readers stand, but I've been doing a lot of personal writing lately, and it really helped me flesh it out!

Part: One | Two | Three

The evening came upon you and Kira far too soon. You felt strange in his house. Most certainly because you didn’t belong there. Because you knew something strange was happening with Yoshikage Kira.

What did Yuki find on the other side of that room? And why did Kira have to kill her for it?

“You seem awfully tense over there.” You can’t help but jump as Kira’s voice. He laughs as you compose yourself.

“M-my apologies…” You can’t help but let out a little sigh. “Forgive me Kira, but I find myself not knowing the correct way to act around you.” You admit, looking down to your folded hands. You couldn’t help but fiddle with your fingers.

Kira hums a moment, turning back to the food he was cooking. “…I liked you as yourself. Quiet, obedient…” He trails off a moment. “Do what feels natural to you.”

“Natural…” You repeat the word with a frown. Nothing felt natural to you any more. You felt as if one slip up would have you exploding into countless little pieces like Yuki did.

If he wanted quiet and obedient, you would try to be that.

Still, your mind can’t help but wonder. Kira had mentioned before that you were alive because of your stand right? Your fighting spirit… your will to survive… You really didn’t want to do any fighting. Not now, or ever. All you wanted was to make it out of this alive. What kind of Stand would that even result in?

Something soft brushes against your leg. You look down to see a cat is brushing against your legs. It looks up at you with bright green eyes. From all looks, it’s a tuxedo cat. You can’t help but smile at that. You had a cat like that when you were a kid…

“Hello there miss…” You let the cat sniff your hand. She does so, before rubbing her head along your fingers. “You certainly aren’t shy, are you?” You can’t help but laugh and run your hand along her back.

Kira notices you speaking softly, and turns to look at you. He’s surprised to see the cat. As much as he adored them, he didn’t own one himself. The food can be left alone for a moment; right now, you’ve become far more interesting.

“What’s this?” You again bristle as Kira speaks. While somewhat charming, he hoped you would grow more use to his presence. “A little kitty found it’s way in here?” He comes over to the two of you and kneels to the cats level.

“She’s not your cat?” You wonder aloud, looking back to her. The cat seems even happier now that Kira is here; she trots closer to him and rubs against his leg. Kira is happy to pet her as well.

As he runs his hand along the cats back, you feel a phantom touch run along your own back. You must be imagining things, though, because it’s only yourself, Kira, and the cat in this room. He scratches under her chin and lets the cat guide his fingers against her cheek. Again, though, you feel the very same touch against your own skin.

“U-um,” As you stutter, Kira turns his attention from the cat to you. “Kira, something strange is happening.” As you admit that, you can’t help but blush.

“Oh?” Kira absentmindedly rubs the top of the cats head. You can feel it as well and it not an entirely unpleasant feelings.

“I… oh, this so strange.” You can’t help but look to the cat with a frown. She seems to be having the time of her life, however. “...Every time you touch this cat, I swear I can feel it as well.” You try and explain the sensation but it still feels odd to say it aloud.

“...Is that so?” Kira smiles and rubs the cat’s head once again. As he does so, he looks to you. You can’t help but cover your cheeks in embarrassment. “Does this feel good, I wonder? She seems to be enjoying it…”

The cat flops to the floor in pure bliss, showing Kira her white tummy. Kira is happy to oblige her request, and reaches to pet her stomach, but you cry out before he can.

“P-please stop!” At your shout, to your amazement, the cat disappear before your very eyes. “O-oh no, the kitty!” In your fluster you feel tears meet your eyes.

Kira calmly rises to his feet, and you feel his larger hands gently take your own off your face. He gently rubs soothing circles into your palms. You look into his eyes, but notice his are focused on your enclosed hands as he speaks.

“There’s no need to worry.” You don’t know how Kira manages to stay so calm. “_____… I believe that cat we saw just now was your stand.” He blinks once, and finally meets your gaze. It’s as if he forgot your head was even there to begin with.

“My stand…” You can’t help but look down at your entwined hands as you think. “Like… like your Killer Queen?” He gives your hands a little squeeze.

“Similar but, a little different.” Kira smiles at you. You can’t help but feel it’s a little disarming. “Why don’t you try summoning her again?” He suggests.

“But… how do I do that?” You frown at him. “Before she just… appeared.” You try to tug your hands from his grip. Kira merely holds them a little tighter. You decide against attempting again.

“Well..” He pauses a moment. This time, as he runs his thumbs over your palms in thought, you can’t help but feel the action is a little sinister. “What were you thinking about the moment before she appeared?”

“What was I thinking about…” You repeat his words, retracing your thoughts to the minute before. “I was just thinking about how I didn’t want to die.” You freely admit the words to him. “I remembered you telling me that a stand was a person’s fighting spirit but… I don’t think I have anything like that.” I laugh a little and look at him sheepishly.

Not a moment after you speak, the two of you hear a little meow. You both bow your heads to see the same cat as before at your feet.

“Oh, it actually worked.” You look to her in shock. “But… my stand is just a normal cat?” You can’t help but pout.

“So it seems.” Kira finally lets go of your hands. Your happiness only lasts a moment, however, as he instead bends and lifts the cat up. You tense a moment, feeling her discomfort at being picked up but Kira is careful to hold her properly. “So, what shall you call her then?”

“A name?” You look to the cat in his arms. She’s the picture of content, purring up a storm in his arms. “My stand… a stand that can’t fight… that is helping me survive by making Kira like me…” She blinks at you with bright green eyes. “I think… Love Club is a fitting name, then.”

She seems to agree. Love Club meows at your proclamation, and you can’t help but smile.

“Love Club…” Kira looks to the stand in his arms.

So, it was this little cat that was causing him such confusing feelings, then? It would be easy enough to get rid of her. Killer Queen would have no problem taking care of such a simple stand.

But Kira had to wonder… was the stand a cat as a result of your love for cats, or because such a form would only further make him hesitate to hurt it? She truly was a stand crafted from your desire to live—a cat that charmed him into liking you more and more.

“Oh, the food…!” You rise from your seat and quickly scurry over to the kitchen. Due to his distraction, your dinner had nearly been burned. Kira couldn’t help but admire the delicate way you stirred it.

“Um, I think it’s done Kira. W-would you like me to serve it, or…?” You’re blushing again, you can’t help you. With him holding Love Club you can’t help but feel tense. Knowing what she is, what she was doing, and you could feel everything she did… you couldn’t help but worry.

“No, that’s alright.” Kira gently places Love Club on the floor once more.

To his surprise, you don’t immediately call her back, and the stand walks away from the two of you. She finds a beam of sunlight coming in from a window a lays in it. If one didn’t know better, she would seem like a normal cat…

“Please, return to your seat. You’re my guest after all.” You can’t help but pale as he says the words. You silently pass by him as he heads to plate up your dinner. You pause a moment by your seat, watching your stand bask in the sun.

“Why do I feel like you’re an odd stand, Love Club?” You whisper to yourself.

You can’t help but wonder. Are you and Kira the only stand users in Moiroh? Or… were there others here, like you? Was there more Love Club was capable of then charm alone?

Kira approaches the table with two plates. You quickly take your seat, readying yourself for one of the most awkward meals of your life. As you both settle, Kira watches you. Was he… waiting for you to take the first bite?

You look to him, then the food. You weren’t really all that hungry after everything that had happened to you tonight. Still, you grab the chop sticks before you with delicate hands, a take a bite of the food placed before you. It didn’t look bad by any means, but you’re surprised by how tasty it actually is.

“This is… really good.” Kira seems pleased by your words. You aren’t sure if you should say more or not. “Um… thank you, Kira.” At that, Kira finally eats himself. You slump a little in relief.

“You’re welcome, _____.” You still don’t entirely hate the way he says your names. Your beating heart betrays you. In better times this could have been romantic; how many times had you dreamed of this very scenario, after all?

But… these weren’t happy times. You wouldn’t let yourself be deluded into thinking things were okay.

Yuki was gone.

Kira was threatening you, trapping you inside his home.

And the only thing keeping you alive was Love Club’s influence over Kira.

So if he wanted you to pretend, you would pretend. You would play this little game with him, make him happy. If he wanted a demure little girlfriend who would do what he said… you could be that.

But you wouldn’t let yourself forget. You wouldn’t fall for his charms anymore. Yuki was dead by his hands, by his stand, Killer Queen. He did it with such practiced precision, so coldly, you had to wonder; was she even the first one?

“You seem distracted, dear.” Kira’s voice pulls you from your thoughts. You had been pushing around a piece of meat with your chopsticks.

“I’m sorry. I got lost in thought for a moment.” You look up at Kira and smile. “Go ahead and continue. You were talking about our latest project at work, right?” He seems to relax as you repeat what he had just said.

He continues talking. You try your best to eat your food. To relax, but with your guard up.

No, you wouldn’t be Kira’s fool. But with Love Club, you could make him yours.

You would find out the reason that cost Yuki her life. You would escape this house. And you would make sure everyone knew the crimes Yoshikage Kira committed tonight.

Because that crush you once had on him meant nothing. Anything positive you felt towards him died with Yuki. For her, you would survive. You would make Kira regret not killing you tonight, that you swore.

[sandwichfox]

AHH LISTEN! You write such beautiful headcannons, I feel like I'm literally there. 6x the joy of getting married and having gorgeous competent spouses to help with our gorgeous grumpy children! Thank you so much for this gift! Would you be down to write for the main 6 a lil oblivious, mutual pining and what causes them/the MC to finally snap? (And if you wanna get racy, what happens next? ;) )

Listen, listen, you came for my entire heart with this ask, the compliments definitely punched me in the face but the mutual pining was what KO’d me, my forking jam. (Also, we are always happy to get racy here in la mía casa)

Asra

★ He already really, really loves you, so it just kind of evolves naturally for him. There’s no internal conflict on his part, because of course he would fall for you, it’s only right. 

★ However, he does want to be absolutely sure you’re ready before taking any next steps, he doesn’t want to set you back in your recovery.

★ Except for Asra, that translates into never initiating anything, ever.

★ He hugs you and touches your shoulder and all, but that’s just Asra with anybody he trusts. He does stare at you an awful lot though. If he catches you staring, this fluffy idiot will think nothing of it.

★ Physical contact is already so natural between the two of you. That one day you just.. kiss him? Oops.

☆(NSFW)☆

★ “wait was that-?” “…oh! Sorry I-“ “No it’s- can I kiss you again?” The answer is yes, he kisses you with purpose this time, soft and warm. Then immediately dissolves into giggles. He kisses you again, still giggling. “I love you” he says, voice stuck between a laugh and a sigh (and a kiss).

★ It was meant to be a brief kiss, but now he can’t seem to stop. (He’s lost count of how many times he’s kissed you now), but his hands -they’re shaking- skim tentatively up your arm, into your hair, hold you by the nape of your neck. And when you sigh he can’t help but brush a finger against your collarbone, then kiss that same spot. 

★ He feels drunk (he probably knocks against the shop’s counter, almost drops a jar of some herb or another), but now he’s got you pressed against it and he’s not laughing anymore, his brow is furrowed with want. He pants your name and you’re both gone.

Nadia

♠ Doesn’t want to come on too strong but she is starting to suspect she fell for an entire dumbass.

♠︎ Maybe you just don’t want her? It’s entirely possible, but then what about all the times you seem to be flirting with her? 

♠︎ She’s tried everything, lavishing you with gifts, turning on the charm, even showing you off at parties and to dinner guests. 

♠ Problem is, she’s the countess, and why would she be interested in you? That’s ridiculous. All this must be because she has all this money, and you’re a special guest, and she’s just amazing like that.

♠︎ But one day you can’t take it anymore, and ask her outright what her intentions are. (Literally “are you flirting with me?” “I have been for a year now, thank you for noticing”)

♤(NSFW)♤

♠︎ Oh boy, she has to make up for lost time, now doesn’t she? She asks you (up front this time) if you’d like to come up to her room at the palace. “Don’t worry, nothing nefarious” her gaze says otherwise. Goodness, she’ll eat you alive. 

♠︎ You get to her chambers and, unexpectedly, she asks you to try something on for her. A necklace, she says, that has been sent to her. She’s not sure about it yet, and would like to see it on you before deciding if she likes it. You’re a bit taken aback, but agree.

♠︎ She’s wicked, dragging the cold metal chain slowly across the skin of your shoulders, breathing against your neck as she fastens the clasp, she takes you (legs shaking) to stand in front of the mirror. She places a kiss against a soft spot on your neck and then presses her teeth against it, her hand travels up to your throat. “Darling, you look ravishing” but you barely hear her, your ears are ringing. 

Julian

♦︎ Oh boy.

♦︎ This dude right here invented pining. He thinks you’re absolutely gorgeous the moment he sees you, but then you two get to talk and it’s over, my man is gone.

♦︎ Alternates between the smoothest man alive and a literal mess. Also, he wants to date you so bad, but he thinks he’ll be bad for you. Can’t decide between being selfish and a self-sacrificing idiot.

♦︎ You like him so much, but he keeps sending these mixed messages, you wonder if it’s better to just maybe just steal longing glances at him for the rest of your life.

♦︎ One day, when he’s feeling particularly angsty, you ask him what’s wrong and he tells you in many, many scrambled words that he likes you. You had thought you had mistaken his usual Julian-ness for flirting, but this new revelation changes everything.

♢(NSFW)♢

♦︎ “You like me” you breathe. He looks up miserably from his pint and nods. You already had a hand on his shoulder from where you were comforting him, but the surprise makes you tighten your hold, dig your nails in. And he- did he-? You snap your gaze to his and yep, he’s red to the very tips of his ears, lip caught between his teeth. “Oh?” You smirk. He lets out another tiny, miserable whine. 

♦︎ You can’t remember ever feeling this giddy, your heart is pounding and your hands feel clumsy, it’s nearly impossible to get the buttons of his coat to come undone. And you’re hiding in an alley, goodness. Julian’s lips still taste of salty bitters, and he’s clutching at you like he wants to climb inside you.

♦︎ “You’re drunk” you say “on you” he retorts, though muffled, he didn’t even miss a beat. You bite his lip playfully in response and he, mmmelts (seriously, you have to catch him a little). “Okay” you say, hot all over, “okay” and you kiss him some more. 

Muriel 

♣︎ Hates it. Hates that he’s pining for you so hard. He tries the whole avoiding you thing and everything but it doesn’t work.

♣︎ It never even crosses his mind that you might want him back. Sometimes he catches you looking at him and his immediate reaction is to be absolutely mortified (has he had something on his face this whole time?!)

♣︎ Doesn’t know what to do with himself, basically. He wants to talk to you but he only goes so far as to following you around at a distance. He wants to touch you but doesn’t want to ask for contact. He brushes against you once in passing and immediately goes beet red. 

♣︎ Thing is, you’re so good. So good, soft, like he doesn’t deserve. You treat him like he’s… Sometimes you bring by some of your cooking, or a shiny rock that you thought was pretty, or you take him out for some smoked eel (and keep him company while he eats it, sat in the shadows). You constantly check that he’s alright “is it okay if I put my hand on your shoulder?” “Are you alright?” “Can I touch you?” “Can I help you?” “Can I hug you?”…

♣︎ “Can I kiss you?” You whisper, he can only nod.

♧(NSFW)♧

♣ Muriel is so sensitive to touch, starved for it, though he’d never admit it. So when you start kissing him there’s an immediate churning heat in his belly. He’s lightheaded, feels like he’s about to boil over, he doesn’t know where to put his hands. 

♣︎ Somehow you’ve ended up in his lap, though he can’t say exactly when that happened (time is strange, when he’s kissing you), his hands have traveled to your sides and something about having you there, holding you to him, he’s going to go mad.

♣︎ He doesn’t want to ask for more than you’re willing to give him. But you give so easily, each tentative press of his lips is met with wet, purposeful pressure from yours. When his hands first brush your skin you shiver and come closer. He kind of never wants to stop. 

Portia

♥︎ Is a whole mess.

♥︎ Listen, she gets lost in your eyes sometimes, alright? That doesn’t mean she’s in love with you. Or maybe it does, but you don’t have to know that.

♥︎ Maybe you’re an oblivious fool (u are) because that’s the only way that you wouldn’t have noticed her pining. Literally goes ‘eep!’ every time you catch her staring.

♥︎ Portia is the kind of person that talks about their crush all the time, (‘the other day I was with MC and-‘ ‘and then MC said- insert mildly funny thing- and haha- wait- hahaha- they said- hahsghdgsh’) so literally everyone knows she’s crushing but you. 

♥︎ She’s naturally flirty with everyone, but one day she says something that you read as actually flirty, so then you’re like wait, really? And Portia’s all ‘oh! Sdgdhhdj I was just, I didn’t mean- I was just, uhm- KIDDING! Just kidd- unless..’ (anyway spoilers you both like each other and then make out lol)

♡(NSFW)♡

♥︎ She spent so long having a crush on you and daydreaming about being with you and now she can actually have you. She has to hide away with you for a little while ASAP. You notice her acting giddy one day in the gardens and ask her what’s wrong “nothing!” She says immediately, then a pause “actually, do you want to stop by the cottage?” A perfectly innocent question, but she’s gone all red. Oh. 

♥︎ You stop by her cottage. As soon as you’re in through the door she turns up the flirty-ness tenfold (you’re gonna pass out), until she finally takes your hand and walks you backward against a wall. “Wanna make out?” She whispers. You do, actually. She’s surprisingly bitey, and very responsive. 

♥︎ After a few moments her hands start wandering, “you’re so cute” she sighs “beautiful, wow”. She’s letting out these breathy little sighs, pressing closer until there’s no space between you. She has one leg slotted between your own, her back arched to press the length of her against your body, one hand on your back at your waist, the other clutching at her shoulder, and she’s moving in a slow, waving motion, kissing your jaw and lips and ear and scraping teeth against your neck (you’re going to die).

Lucio

▲ Oh he hATES it. (Feelings?! No thanks, yuck). It’s probably the whole ‘feelings make you weak’ mentality he grew up around, because he’s not above indulging in company, if ya know what I mean.

▲ But he doesn’t just want that from you, and it throws him on a loop. He keeps bouncing back and forth between sending for you about the most ridiculous things just to see you, and sending you away in a huff when he realizes that no, bad Lucio.

▲ It can’t be helped though, and soon he’s head over heels. He gets ridiculous, honestly. ‘Subtly’ asking about you and giving you increasingly odd, expensive gifts and trying to get your attention. 

▲ As soon as he gives in and admits to himself that he actually likes you his first thought is to go out and demand that you be with him. But he’s actually nervous, and not exactly sure that you would like that at all. So he starts testing the waters. 

▲You think it’s just Lucio being Lucio but you’ve liked him for some time and it kinda? hurts? when he suddenly starts complimenting you and making jokes about being with you for real, saying it so casually like there’s no way in hell and it hurts. So one day you tell him to stop.

△(NSFW)△

▲ “Wha- huh?” He says, and you’re embarrassed, maybe you shouldn’t have said anything, but Lucio’s already seen your face, and now he knows what’s going on. “Oh, sweetheart” he says in a drawl “I’m being perfectly sincere, I love your pretty face” he takes a step closer “that amazing body” his voice is softer, you blush, he takes another step “your powerful magic” another still “your sharp mind” he’s right in front of you know, reaching out with a clawed finger to tilt your chin up “I’d like to be with you, if you’d let me.”

▲ “I’d like to do so many things to you, magician.” His golden hand trails from your chin to your bottom lip, tugging down before letting go and traveling up your cheek to the side of your head. He’s holding himself up against the wall with his other hand, bracketing you in against him, all in your space. “Perhaps I’ll call you to my room, feed you whine and fruit and sweets, drape you in fine silk” he leans in close to your ear “I’ll keep you to myself all day, kiss every inch of you, maybe keep you all night as well.”

▲ “Lucio” you gasp, he grins devilishly and surges in to kiss you. He kisses you long and hard right there in the hallway, pulling back a few inches just to hover near your lips, you lean into him and he pulls back a little more, teasing. “Please” you pout. “Oh no, beautiful, you’re much too pretty to be begging a man like me for kisses. I should be the one doing the begging, getting on my knees and showering you in gold.” He’s grinning, but he’s glowing red with enthusiasm at the thought. “Kiss me then” you say, pulling him to you, he shivers like he’s weak at the knees and does just that. 

[anonthenullifier]

Hiii!!! I just finished reading your Snapshots fic on ao3 and they're all amazing!!! I love how you write the family dynamics between the kids and wanda/vision, they're all vv sweet and I'm here for it!! Do u think tommy and billy ever did a parent trap kind of switch for some reason?

Thank you so much! 😁 This was a fun ask and I hope you enjoy! 

***

The sizzle of butter in the skillet provides a lively accompaniment to Wanda’s aggravation about the morning’s latest headline - one claiming that Tony Stark was personally responsible for the matchmaking that brought Vision and his lovely, currently scarlet eyed, wife together. It’s a claim not without some merit, if not for Tony’s involvement in Ultron’s creation and then in Vision’s own birth, he never would have been alive to fall so deeply in love with Wanda; however, as with most claims involving Tony it is also inherently hyperbolic. Had the billionaire actually been involved in Vision’s romantic pursuits, there is a very high probability that Wanda would have run the other direction.

“And you know what else it said?”

Vision scoops the pancake batter carefully into the buttered skillet as he responds, “What?”

“That he’s the reason Billy and Tommy want to be Avengers.” The only reason Wanda’s tea does not spill over the edge as she gesticulates out her anger is because she has wrapped it in a sheen of red. “Him!”

Grandiose sense of self worth is a rather glaring fault in the Stark family, a symptom Vision thankfully bypassed, no doubt due to the humble yet confident influence of Dr. Cho. “It is an unfair and misleading statement,” this diffuses her ire enough for her to take a sip of tea, “all that truly matters,” momentarily he turns from the stove to wrap his fingers around her upper arms and stare intently into her eyes, “is that we continue encouraging our sons to be their best selves, even if our work is never publicly acknowledged.”

Finally her face softens, the disdain etched into the lines of her forehead smoothing out with the roll of her eyes, “Fine.” Vision lays a peck to her forehead before turning back to rescue the almost burnt pancakes, “but wouldn’t it be nice if someone praised us for once?”

“It would.”

“Morning mom, dad.”

“Good morning Bil…” Vision’s mouth stops mid-greeting, brain a bit frenzied at the mixed signals he is receiving. The voice that just greeted him registers as Billy and yet the boy in front of him is sporting Tommy’s signature snowy hair and athletic clothing. “Um…”

“Tommy,” Wanda’s acknowledgement of their son should clarify everything, yet he can sense an odd amusement in the way she says the name, “why don’t you sit down, your father’s almost done with breakfast.”

To further add to the confusion of the moment, Tommy merely flashes them a grin (no snarky comment nor demands for it to cook faster) and then slides into Billy’s seat at the table.

Wanda’s hand comes to rest on Vision’s back, her voice low and a bit giddy, “This is going to be entertaining.”

“What is?”

“Just wait…” No further information is provided other than a wink.

Vision attempts to shove his curiosity and need to ask for more clarity down, instead channeling all of his energy into the pancakes and not burning them. Success at this repression endeavor is fleeting, the moment he turns to put the plate on the table, he cannot help but ask a question. “Where is your brother?” A glance up confirms it is three minutes past their usual breakfast time. Billy, like Vision, believes in punctuality and that being five minutes early is on time and being on time is late. For him to be late by normative standards is concerning. “It is unlike him to be late.”

Tommy chokes on his orange juice, eyes a tad wild as he twists around to look at the clock. “Um, I’ll go-“

“Good morning everyone!” Billy waltzes in with a cheery grin, his overall presence gregarious and brash, neither a word typically associated with him. His unusual mood  is highlighted all the more by  the uncharacteristically sloppy way his sweater is buttoned. “I’m famished.” A sentiment rarely shared by Billy.

Vision is torn between staring at his sons and seeking out Wanda’s reaction to whatever is happening in their kitchen. “Tommy,” his brother's name is overly enunciated, and the question, “Why are you in my seat?” asked with annoyance.

“Oh, sorry,” Tommy apologizes quickly, a first for sure, and then slides over to his normal chair.

This is, for want of a better word, weird.

Wanda, somehow, is making everyday small talk with their sons but Vision doesn’t process what is said, too focused on studying his children and the bevy of possibilities for why they seem so off. The initial fear is that they are Skrulls or some other shape shifting creature, a possibility they have sadly lived through before, not with the boys but on a mission with the Avengers. A vitals and physiology scan disconfirms this hypothesis (thankfully), the two bodies across the table are his sons. Despite this Tommy is eating at a snail’s pace, knife and fork working with precise movements to portion out perfect sized bites while Billy is going fast and loose with his fork, each bite different from the last. It also seems like Billy’s hair is a slightly different shade than usual, a tinge of cinnamon in his typically chestnut hair. Perhaps they have wandered into the multiverse yet again, though Wanda is his Wanda, he is certain of that and she seems to be more amused than concerned. Which means there must be a logical explanation.

Vision decides perhaps listening to the conversation at the table will better aid him. “Are you ready for the big math test today?” This is directed at Tommy, a pre-algebra exam Vision has spent several nights helping him study for.

Contrary to the numerous breakdowns that informed Vision that his son was going to fail so why bother trying, this morning Tommy seems...optimistic. “Yeah, dad’s prepared me well,” and overtly gracious.

“And Billy,” Wanda nudges Vision’s foot as she talks, always a sign he needs to get out of his head and pay attention, “today’s the mile run in gym, right?”

“Yep,” Billy answers while shoving a pancake into his mouth, continuing to talk while he chews, “gonna beat my record for sure.” This comment, and the smarmy confidence behind it, sets a new hypothesis into motion.  

Vision runs a second vitals scan, this time focusing on heart rate and brain waves. The results are surprising yet informative, but just to be sure, he recalibrates his sensors, scans again, and re-analyzes it, not wanting to make an erroneous conclusion if his sensors were off. The results match his last scan and the oddities suddenly make sense. Finally figured it out? He turns towards Wanda, her face set with impish victory typically reserved for when she bests him at training. A dip of his chin affirms her telepathic comment though his own mood is nowhere near as bubbly as hers because despite knowing the truth now, it does not actually alleviate any of his concern, in fact it breeds several other pathways of uncertainty. Follow my lead.  

The devious undertone of his wife’s comment transforms into an innocent smile as she addresses their sons. “Well boys,” both of their sons look up, “since it’s such a big day, we should celebrate later.” A shared look occurs between Billy and Tommy, one that Vision can’t quite label appropriately, a mix of excitement, bafflement, and victory.

‘Billy’ prods for more, his fork tapping the plate at roughly 200 clinks per minute. “Like what?”

Wanda is so natural at uncovering their lies that Vision can only sit back in awe at the way she effortlessly teases out the truth, “I need to meet with Strange later today, so Billy you can come along and we can ask if he’s finally willing to start training you to be a sorcerer.”

The current Tommy stares mouth agape at the offer, while the current Billy seems unimpressed, “Oh, um yeah, that’d be cool.”

“And Tommy,” Wanda reaches out to grab Vision’s hand, a gesture that is blissfully common but is right now no doubt meant to really drive home the offer, “Your father was going to do some speed trials this afternoon, maybe he can call the school so you can leave a period early and join him.” Vision was not going to do this but he withholds that knowledge so he doesn’t hinder his wife’s plan.

Tommy and Billy turn towards each other, no verbal words exchanged but Vision can easily recognize one of their telepathic conversations—bodies tense, their faces fluttering through a range of emotions, and eyebrows moving in emphasis of whatever comments they’re making. They break and ‘Tommy’ addresses the offer, “Billy has gym in 8th period.”

“Which is why he and I are going to meet with Stephen after school.” Wanda takes a deliberately long sip of her tea to let the information really settle in.

Their tactics switch to the other offer.“Isn’t uh truancy a pretty big deal, you know, if I,” ‘Billy’ catches himself, “Tommy were to leave early.

Vision decides he should aid in some way, voice matter of fact as he responds, “I do believe Tommy has a free period at that time. Plus,” thankfully this next part is not a lie or else Vision would feel guilty saying it, “I have to attend the PTA meeting tonight so we cannot wait until school is out if we would like to get a full session of training in.”

Another deep, very animated mental conversation occurs across the table, one that leads to an exaggerated roll of his wife’s eyes. “What if…”

Wanda cuts off the next suggestion, clearly done with the game, “Just accept that you’ve been caught.”

The two faces across from them are polar opposite, one shining with defiance and the other defeat. With a sigh, Tommy’s white hair darkens into chestnut, the real Billy slouching deep into his chair. His brother is not amused, “Are you really breaking that easily?”

Vision checks the time, noting their bus will arrive in less than 10 minutes. “Boys,” there are several things he wants to say, from questioning Tommy’s brown hair to why they thought they’d get away with it, but he decides those can wait, “perhaps instead of our planned celebrations tonight, we have a discussion on the harms of deception.”

Tommy, the real one, executes a perfect Maximoff eye roll, never one to appreciate the life lesson evenings that correspond with poor behavior. “It was just a joke.”

“I do not find it humorous.” And Vision does not, a deep despair blossoming in his chest at what his sons have attempted and what it means for how their sons view them, whether they think they are not loved enough nor noticed enough to be recognized by their own parents. “You intended to utilize this...joke for personal gain.”

Wanda cuts in, hand coming to rest on Vision’s thigh with a light, reassuring squeeze. “Why don’t you both change. The bus will be here soon. We’ll talk more tonight.” Muttered yes, mom s are lost in the scraping of their chairs against the wooden floor. “Tommy.”

“Yeah?”

“Did you dye your hair?”

“Yep,” Tommy runs his hand through his darkened locks, “the box called it chili chocolate.”

Wanda smirks, finding this far more endearing than Vision. “Just promise to use it responsibly.”

A not fully convincing salute goes along with Tommy’s, “Roger that,” and then he runs off in a blur.

“Wanda,” Vision waits until she looks at him, a bit unnerved that she does not seem to show any of the same concern for what just happened. “Are you not troubled at their flagrant disregard for honesty?”

Her eyebrows arch up, lips pursed the way they are whenever he has misassessed human nature and she needs to find a way to gently talk him through it. “It’s kind of a twin rite of passage.”

This is not forthcoming nor satisfying. “Did you and Pietro do this as well?”

“Once or twice.” His confusion must be evident, her lips curving up into a reminiscent mischief. “We weren’t good at it, especially once we were older. But you have to try.”

“Do you?”

A nod confirms the apparent necessity of such an experiment, though no further explanation is provided for Vision to comprehend why it is required. “You’ve never seen the Parent Trap, have you?”

“I have not.”

Scarlet energy entangles itself around the dishes at the table, floating them into the sink and away from their responsibility for now. “Come on,” Wanda stands and tugs on Vision’s hand, drawing him up out of his seat and then leading him into the living room. As she lightly pushes him to sit in the couch, a rush of feet, a banging door and a quick bye! marks the start of the school day, leaving them alone until this afternoon. “Want to watch a movie?”

“I suppose,” he wraps his arm around her shoulders after she sits next to him, pulling her closer and relishing the comfort of her head on his chest, “if it provides adequate research to understanding this cultural necessity of deceit, then yes.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

Vision considers the comment a touch longer than needed, just enough for her to look up at him in anticipation, “if it means a day spent with you,” he kisses her deeply, mirroring the soft curve of her lips as he pulls away,”then it is still a yes.”

“Good.” The tv turns on and his education begins.

[dragimal]

I’m gonna be a joyless commie for a minute, but idk how to articulate my problem here, so I’m just gonna start talking

capitalistic ideas like, “stealing is wrong under any and every circumstance and you’re a bad person for stealing,” and, “you must work to earn your right to live,” are EXTREMELY prevalent in animated media and I don’t think we like, talk abt it enough? 

like even some rly RLY good stories like FMA fall heavy into that mindset, like Arakawa straight-up said in one of her notes in the manga that she enforces the idea of, “you don’t work, you don’t eat,” in FMA (and it’s hard to miss that message in the text of the manga/anime all on its own). at least w/ FMA there’s the nuance of that message coming from the worker’s perspective, and there’s real appreciation of labor and community, and the fact that labor is what keeps these folks alive and thriving, so I can see why she has that perspective given her background. but I feel like it’s still worth acknowledging that like, folks shouldn’t have to live under that kinda stress of death/ruin if they don’t work, and how harmful that message is for folks who can’t provide labor/services. but I’ve rly never seen anyone bring it up

though one of the absolute worst cases of this mindset is in Ratatouille, which is actually another of my fave pieces of media, despite it. poor Remi is literally starving at several points throughout the first chunk of the movie, and at every point he tries to snag a little morsel, SOMEBODY essentially guilts him w/ the idea of, “stealing is bad!” whether it’s his own stressed subconscious, or Linguini. the first time it was a teeny chunk of bread from a dinner party that the folks there prolly wouldn’t have even noticed missing (and prolly threw out by the end of the night b/c it was so small!!), and the second was a few herb leaves Remi swiped from a nearby restaurant that the humans there also likely didn’t even notice or miss. like get off Remi’s back, Linguini, the lil dude’s STARVING and he even took the time to cook u something nice before eating himself!

and that’s not even to MENTION all the times Remi makes the stupid argument that rats are bad for stealing from the garbage, and when his dad makes the completely fair point that humans are throwing it out, Remi’s just like, “why are we STEALING it then??” I’m gonna let my inner ecologist jump out for just a minute here, but the idea of “trash” in and of itself is a very capitalist idea (not to mention the fact that the creation of materials that simply can’t be reused/reduced within a comprehensible timeline is a p damn recent development). in reality, all things are just materials, and in nature every piece of material is useful to some part of the various nutrient/material cycles, INCLUDING food webs! like I get that Remi’s affection for human ways/ideas is a p big crux of the film’s whole concept, but it’s still v strange to me that Remi has actively removed himself from the food web he and his ilk are a VERY important part of, and decided that the material they consume is not only useless, but a sign of their low standards/society. and in terms of the social repercussions of that mindset, this just again reinforces the idea that there are certain kinds of people whose life/lifestyle designates them useless to society, thus undeserving to live unless they conform (look, I get that Remi’s arc ended w/ him choosing his own path, but his rat family was also shown to have been “civilized” by Remi, eating “properly” at a lil rat restaurant, so I can’t help but wonder 🤔 )

something else I hate abt this mindset in media is that when it isn’t actively villainizing poverty, it’s just turning it all into a joke! like I watched Brand New Animal recently, and there was this whole subplot abt this baseball team living in the slums. u’d think, given BNA’s (weak) thesis abt everyone being respected no matter their circumstances, that maybe there’d be some commentary abt class/poverty, or at the very least a heartwarming plot abt the team getting out of poverty. if the writers were RLY clever, they could’ve even used the main character, Michiru, to comment on how fucked it is to be lectured by somebody from a place of clear privilege abt what’s right and wrong under dire circumstances. but no like, the team stays in the slums, and the stealing/cheating they do to literally survive (it’s emphasized multiple times the team is on the razor’s edge of starvation all the time) is always met w/ this kinda, “tsk tsk stealing is bad!!” finger-waggling from Michiru, but no significant moves on her part to help them out or provide other options. and it’s all framed in this slapstick comedic way like, “oh look the poor character is excited over finding a 10 yen coin! oh look the poor character fell for a get-rich-quick scheme! oh look the poor character doesn’t realize bread comes with white part in the middle b/c they’ve only ever eaten the crust from the trash! ain’t that just wacky and hilarious?? well time to move on!” like what the fuck. I’m gonna start throwing bricks through the windows of every rich fuck that thought that was ok

[gamergirluprising]

Alastor’s Possible Backstory, Emotional, And Mental State.

Okay, so, I find Alastor from Hazbin Hotel one of the few characters that interest me due to his sheer mysterious aura. He has a lot of secrets and I’d like to dissect this man down to his mannerisms, his beliefs, his (low-key/high-key?) pessimistic view of life, and his use of voodoo. I personally am not a fan of the said show since it’s pretty vulgar and hasn’t caught my attention due to the possible problems I see in the show (Why the heck did the God in this universe allow a hierarchy to take place AND give people superpowers by turning them into magical animals and such? Why did he even make a Hell?) 

But anyway, I’m not here to discuss my likes and dislikes about the show, I'm here to discuss the Radio Demon and what could have possibly happened in his life as a child to start this craziness and explain his complex personality, mental state, and emotional state. Alrighty with that being said, LET’S DISSECT!

ＭＥＮＴＡ L~𝓔𝓜𝓞𝓣𝓘𝓞𝓝𝓐𝓛 ~BEGINNING

Dude’s got a mental problem fam, and I'm not saying this just cause this man’s teeth are as yellow as Bill Cipher’s entire existence. No, no, no this man is crazy for not just his unhinged need to see other’s fail and to have utter and complete control(Will tackle later) he’s crazy for his huge narcissistic behavior. Dude, Honestly thinks he’s better than everyone and ONLY allows those he thinks are worthy into his “friend” circle. I quote friend because I’m not too sure how exactly and deeply he feels about Rosie aside from their relationship being like Jack and Mary from Mary Poppins Returns, as stated by Vivzie on twitter. He finds those who don’t always smile as people who are WEAK and LAUGHABLE and regardless of how they are, he still finds them to be weak, which BY GOD is such a flawed way of thinking GEEZ. Now after reading about Alastor and becoming more intrigued, I decided to do research on his behavior and when and how it starts. 

𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐦 has 9 defining traits. I’ll go over a few that I’ve noticed.

1. He really thinks he’s more important than anyone else and has shown this through his mannerisms, the way he speaks, his vibe and just his general character scream “I’m better than you!”

2. HE LOVES SHOWING OFF! Dude can’t seem to get enough of the spotlight, thus why he LOVES to broadcast his carnage on the radio! Why else would he do so!? He finds constant admiration and respect when he does his “little” display of power!

3. Now, we ALL know he has done some pretty...gruesome things to claim strength and be seen as the strongest, even when there are others who are stronger he displays himself as if he is more dominating and wouldn’t waste his time with, how you say, vermin. This is evident by his response to Vox

You can find where I found this here at Faustisse’s cleanup and Inking vid of the upcoming Alastor Comic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_15UYpcWJ_Q

In case it is too hard to read due to the bad quality, Alastor is saying “Show off all that and no cattle.” which is pretty much  “all hat, no cattle” (or, alternately, “big hat, no cattle”) which refers to someone who is all talk with no action, power, or substance behind his/her words. I’d applaud this power move, and still kinda do, if it weren’t for this dudes BIG HEAD lol.

BUT, you get the point, the dude is an egomaniac! “We already knew this, I mean DUH!” you say to me pinching the bridge of your nose. “Why do you point out the obvious?!”

Well, notice how severe and prevalent these traits are. Don’t you find it odd how this dude has SEVERE megalomania? Well, I did research and found out that Narcissism has a very sad connection most of the time and affects males more than females.

at https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/causes-of-npd here’s what I found

Notice the parental factors during early childhood are all abuse-related. This could very well be one, if not the main reason, why Al is the way he is: He was abused as a child! And to make matters worse, as I was looking deeper into this, I noticed that sexual abuse is ANOTHER factor, which would explain why Alastor doesn’t like being touched without consent or by surprise but will GLADLY invade other’s personal space to feel in control (He's a hypocrite like that). Sexual assault victims ALSO don’t like being touched without consent so this just adds more proof to my claim! And serial killers tend to have a rough family life and have been molested, taken advantage of, neglected, or all of the above! 

It’s also come to my attention that Alastor enjoys talking with women more than men for 2 reasons. 1) Alastor finds it easier and more enjoyable to talk with women. 2) He finds men to be dumb brutes at least in hell.

I give COMPLETE CREDIT to @dollymoon

Thank you for the awesome amount of facts you’ve provided! RESPECT! https://www.tumblr/dollymoon

Alastor most likely has a very harsh grudge against the world due to his treatment as a young child. His abuse, and possible loss of his mother growing up, lead to him finding joy in seeing those suffer and fail EVERY SINGLE TIME! Notice the way he talks creepily to Charlie about watching sinners “Repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pits of F A I L U R E.” Look at this man’s face as he’s saying this! The man looks turned on with the VERY fact of people suffering, that’s his kink, y’all, he a damn sadist! (No, being asexual doesn’t mean you can’t have kinks, I’ve checked, lol. Got you fam.) Ima kink shame the hell out of this man (Pun-unintended) 

Ahem, anyway, this dude has got a hate boner for the world and finds relief when exacting pain on others because he feels wronged and feels the world is to blame. He does seem to acknowledge and accept that where he’s at is the end of the road for those who want to change, their chance was when they were alive, and has accepted that this is the natural order of things and they can’t fix that. I had this vibe that he must have gone to church as a kid due to his mom being religious and he loved his mom so he obeyed, Has been stated by Faustisse that he’s a mama’s boy, BUT remember, Vivzie said anything that comes out of HER mouth is what’s canon. Unless she has already stated it as fact any other info can’t be trusted. (Even though this info is PAINSTAKINGLY clear just by him mentioning his mother’s cooking and it just makes too much sense, lol.)

So he must have grown up to be low-key violent but with manners like he practiced being slick and suave in order to trick people into trusting him so that he may kill them without getting caught, which would work perfectly with him not chasing people due to his moral code. He practiced and practiced and seeing as how he was well-off in his later years, I’d assume he started doing his radio schtick when he was in his early 20s or at the age of 18. So he began when the roaring 20s was just starting, a new beginning for him! 

Alastor's name means "he who does not forget", "avenger", "persecutor", "tormenter", "one who suffers from divine vengeance".

(This also makes me think his real name is Alexander/Alexandre since it's the exact opposite of his Hell-Name and more interestingly, in terms of name-giving traditions, between the latter half of the Spanish period (1790-1803) and the beginning of Jim Crow Segregation (1893-1964), gallicized names of classical Greek and Roman origins dominated in Loiusiana. This may be due, in whole, or in part, to the fact that New Orleans had North America’s (excluding Central America and the Caribbean) first Opera Houses and Theatres, owned, frequented and operated by Creoles from Louisiana, Cuba and Saint-Domingue/Haiti. Adonis is my second choice since It literally means "handsome man" and that would totally fit him for his handsomeness to the fact I feel that his mom would def name him this outside of Alexander/Alexandre.) http://www.mylhcv.com/common-creole-names-for-males/

This is a HEAVY hint to what happened in his life and why he’s so drawn to seeing people fail and helps hold my theory together quite a bit, if not a lot. Of all the names to give this dude, he was given a name that legit is on par with the word “Vengeance” and “Avenger”. Vengeance for what? Avenge who? He was wronged. He possibly is angered also by the death of his mother, who was most likely his ONLY ray of light. He is a broken man who most likely has insecurities, based on the info of narcissism which tells us that narcissistic people are the most insecure sorts of people. Alastor is aware of this and sees it as a weakness, something to be culled and hidden from the world never seeing the light of day. His only way of making himself feel stronger and more in control was through voodoo and cannibalism. Many Cannibals believe to be the bees-knees since they go a step FURTHER into crime by devouring their victims and placing themselves into a rank different and more feared by the rest. They see that no one else would even have the balls to attempt to reach that spot, which again leads back to the way Alastor thinks. He just adds oil to the fire when doing voodoo and doing BLOOD RITUALS which you can see him doing when attacking Sir Pentious!  https://twitter.com/hntrgurl13/status/1197918059836690433?s=20

Dude has so much baggage that he hides behind a smile he thinks ALONE brings strength like niBBa are you serious? I’d like to see this man try and say that to the faces of strong people like Superman, Goku, Midoriya, Naruto, Broly, Wonder Woman, GOD. Yo even GOD shows emotions. Wanna know why these beings are strong? It ain’t just cause they smile, Nah, it’s cause they’re determined or the very literal embodiment of determination. they have a damn balance and that strength helps them smile through the pain, they don’t need to exhibit a smile to be strong cause them being themselves and having the strong mentality is what gives them strength, not a damn smile. Watch Charlie hit him with the good old reality check when the man attempts to freaking take over her joint (Both hotel and hell) and she proves strength ain’t just gained through smiling or dominating others. He high-key sounds weak for even having that mindset, only weaklings think like this. He has a very weak view of life which brought forth a monster, or should I say DEMON.

Here’s the info of him not liking being touched.

I’d also like you guys to keep in mind that Vivzie has stated that none of the characters have split personalities, proving Al knows EXACTLY what he's doing.

It’s all them but some have a DUALITY to them. As hinted at by the word "dual" within it, duality refers to having two parts, often(but not always) with opposite meanings, like the duality of good and evil. If there are two sides to a coin, metaphorically speaking, there's a duality. Notice how Alastor also has a duality in him. What kind tho? Remember those shadows that follow him everywhere? Yeah I'm pretty sure those shadows represents his duality in some way, shape, or form.

I also forgot to add that Masochism and Sadism both ALSO stem from the same things Narcissism does or similar things like being sexually abused as a kid. Remember not all cases are the same, I just wanted to put that out there (Not sure If Al is still a Masochist since that’s old info from him being just a deer and liked it when people tried to kill him.)

So in conclusion:

-Dude was possibly abused as a child by his Father

-he hates society/the world due to his terrible child life

-He possibly feels shame for what he has done and thus has accepted his fate

-He loves his mama and MOST LIKELY hates his father who probs is the one who did him a terrible service for just being his father growing up, this would explain his view on men as well

-He also feels shame for being so weak to even allow his father or any male figure to do what they did to him

-Man gets turned on when seeing people like sinners suffer.

KEEP. IN. MIND. None of this excuses his terrible behavior and excuses for being so power-hungry, He’s an interesting character and I love his quirks but he is by no means a victim without faults. He is a product of society and that’s sad but he needs to pay for his horrible actions. Cannibalism is going to far, using you and your victim’s blood for voodoo isn’t excusable, and just killing someone for the sake of vengeance won’t make the pain go away, so nothing he does that involves harming people is cute or a way to suppress his anger, which he’ll have to learn the hard way in this story, I bet. Hopefully, it’s done well cause he’s still very much a bad guy regardless of the fact that he is aiding charlie.

WHEW, that was a long post, one of my longest ones! I really wanted to write out my thoughts on this character cause I’m ALWAYS intrigued by the mystery characters like him withhold. They tend to have hints to their behavior and it was really fun traveling through the possibilities of his nature. I’m probably 100% wrong about all of what I said since I am still not sure about everything and I researched as much as I could. I wouldn’t have had such an easy time if it wasn’t for @dollymoon and their amazing efforts to inform the community, y’all crazy but y’all dedicated so respect. I am not part of the community so I wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint all the info and more. So this is my piece on Alastor the Radio Demon, a.k.a dude who looks like he’s taken ecstasy. 

P.S

-Why is this man wearing a torn up and ragged jacket when he can easily make himself a better freaking jacket? The man wore a one that was fresh as hell during his reprise, so what gives?! and why in God’s name is his damn teeth yellow? How you gonna say “You're never fully dressed without a smile” but got on one of the dirtiest smiles I’ve ever freaking seen? I'd rather not smile and be strong than to wear my clothes at its dirtiest(his smile I mean). Ain’t no way in the fresh hell would I invite an edgy radioman, who I know does voodoo, into my damn house, I am too black/Haitian for that bull.

-Y’all finna tell me why y’all falling for a man who canonically has stank breathe...?

At least clean his damn teeth and give him a mint first, D A M N people!

again, thank you very much @dollymoon

but yeah, that’s my theory y’all, hope you enjoy and sorry for the constant repetition in here! DISSECTION OVER. . .

[eliza-writes-stuff]

Our Sweet Guardian Demon: Pilot Episode

Hey, guys! I have been working on this pilot for a few weeks now.

Now, for the fanfic, it will take me a few months. Our Sweet Guardian Demon will be released somewhere in the fall or early winter.

It’s strange that this idea came from “Imagine Your OT3″ XD

And as always, I hope ye enjoy!

Dogs barking, cats meowing, and parakeets tweeting their away. The pet store can be busy either way with people or animals in general. The phone vibrates in a man's pocket. His hand reaches for it and accepts the call. His other hand is scratching the dog's fur.

“Brian, do you need something?” The man in green apron asked. “I'm at work right now.”

“Yes, I know Brock, but can you stay over for the night?”

Brock hummed, “Why?”

“I know yer scared of this shit and don't want to get involved because my magick can hurt ye.” Brian ramble. There was some rustling in the background. “So, do ye, I don't focking know summon a demon with me?"

A demon? That is dangerous even for Brian's standard of black magick. Does he need to curse Evan again for coming over at his place without permission, but Brian isn't really angry at him. Did he got dared again on his group chat again? Brock thought he told him not to interact with them.

"Why do you need me?" Brock questioned. The dog barked next to him with curious puppy eyes. It laid down its head on Brock's lap.

"Yer the only one I can trust. Evan might touch me things without my goddamn permission and Nogla's a bit of a dumb-ass figure this shit out." Brian sighed. "I'm sorry ye don't want to do this and-"

"I'll join." Brock giggled at the stutters and 'whats' Brian said. "Just buy me lunch after this okay? Also, we better get out of this alive or I'll be stuck with you."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Maybe."

Brian chuckled on the line, "I'll see you tonight Brocky."

When Brock's shift is over and he told Maxi watch over the shop tomorrow because he might be dead. Well, he left out the dead part. He says he has personal reasons. Maxi didn't pressure him and they were nice about it. They say that their sister and his two dogs, Oli and Nico  is coming over. Brock took an uber and tell the driver for the locations to the apartment.

The urban life is always bustling and chattering among the citizens. If he rolled down his window, there could be the smell of cooked processed fast food or baked chocolate chip cookies. At least the shops has a nice smell.

The uber driver came to an abrupt stop. There's the apartment building. Brock gave some money to the driver and gave him 5 stars since he didn't care about the rating. He got out of the car and hoisted up his backpack. This is it. His stomach sink, but his heart lighten up at the thought of Brian. He could protect him, right? Only one way to find out is to go in.

Brock pushed the glass door opened. The manager with pink hair is sitting down with his eyes seem to be always closed. The manager's expression light up and eyes slightly opened. When the glass door light out a creak. He gave a small wave to him and continue writing down. How can he see without his eyes opened? Never mind that. Brock has a date-hangout with Brian.

Both of them has to come out alive.

He stepped into the elevator and took a shaky breath. Maybe the ritual is a fluke. His trembling fingers pressed the buttons to go up on the fourth floor. The lobby was his view before it closes on him. Don’t chicken out now.

-

The candles are set up, the sigil is draw on the floor, and his other magic items are there. His hand wiped off the remaining sweat on his forehead. Thank god, Brian read the instructions. It has to work or it will be not worth it. He got out of the side room of his bedroom, which you should never have. Brian pulled out his phone and checks the text again.

~

Teh Terroriser: are u sure this would work?

Sarah: yes

Sarah: he’ll give you a special item that will reveal brock’s s/o

Sarah: but it’s for a price

Sarah: good luck :)

~

Brian knows he shouldn’t do this to reveal his friend’s secrets, but his friends tells him that Brock likes him back. No matter what they say, his brain denies, but his heart yearns. For years, he has considered practicing black magick as a hobby and finds it especially when it comes to pranking Nogla.

His hands gripped around his phone. Brian sighed and put his back in his pocket. A loud two time thud from his front door. It must be Brock. He ran from the bedroom to the front door and opened to see a small smile from a man.

“I thought you weren’t gonna join.” Brian said in disbelief.

Brock’s erupt into small, cute giggles, “Can’t let my friend die.” Brian lets him and hangs up his coat. “So, when we are summoning?”

“Either 2 or 3 in the morning.” He nervously laughed as Brock crossed his arms. “But in the meantime, wanna play Mario Kart 8?”

-

You had plenty of money in 1922.

A song from the jukebox softly plays throughout the tavern. Fairy lights almost covering the ceiling. A few folks chatting among themselves, either about rumors or sweet-talk. People had strange taste when it comes to alcohol. Vodka with orange juice? Now, you’re a true drunk toddler. At least there’s mineral water. A distinct smell came through the noses. Smoke. People aren’t allowed to smoke in the bar, so they had to take it outside. Strange.

You let other women make a fool of you.

Luke Patterson is the owner of Mystic Drinks. With his charming nature and sultry voice, it pleases the women and men. He’ll throw a smile, it swoons the ladies in the back. However, despite his seductive personality, you don’t want to leash the beast out of him. Well, he did in bed, but if someone ticked his long beard off. They’re either kick out or never be seen again. When Luke found the source of the smoking problem, he grabbed them by the collar. Kicking and yelling, people stared at the two. Finally, the door slams shut as the person got kicked. Luke’s eyes order to ignore it.

Why don’t you do right, like some other men do?

“That’s the third time you kicked out someone.” The man in glasses giggled.

Luke sighed and ruffled the man’s tied up bun. “Look I want to make a safe place for y’all and this is the thanks I get? People treat this like a dumpster fire Ohm.” Luke’s shoulders tensed, but calm when another bartender put his hands on it.

Get out of here and get me some money too?

“Don’t let that asshole get to you. He can take that nasty cigar and shove it up his ass.” The jiggly man retorted.

“Thanks Anthony.” 

Ohm enjoy his friends. Hearing Anthony laughed every time he makes a dumb, somewhat sexualised jokes. He knows Luke longer than Anthony. Some say they were friends with benefits, which it is true, but it’s over when Luke found a special someone, or two. They all became a couple, and they own a bar called Mystic Drinks. It’s a safe place for humans and creatures as well. Creatures, such as demons, wendigos, avains, lizard-folk, and dragons. Luke is a Lust demon, he and Anthony are Wrath demons, and Mini is an Envy demon.

“Hey, where’s Mini?”

“He got summoned.” Luke explained. “He said there’s this bitch who got jealous of this other bitch.” He let a breathy laugh, “Humans are so dumb.”

“Yep. I got summoned one time by this guy. He said ‘hey uh I want you to kill this asshole’ and I thought ‘you kill himself!” Anthony complained as he grabbed the mixer and shakes it. “Does it look like I’m your bitch?”

Ohm and Luke laughed at his story, “Sorry, but you and Mini are my bitches.” Luke put his arms around Anthony, but he shoved him off.

“Treat me first, you bottom bitch.” Then he pours the drinks in the blonde woman’s glass. Ohm laughed and takes a sip from his mineral water.

Humans meant nothing to demons. Just an object to toy around and maybe take souls from. At least a few souls because there’s an overpopulation going in the Nine Circles of Hell and they can’t handle more new souls coming to hell. What about humans who are satanist? They’re wannabes who thinks they know their emotions and what they’re going through. Some demons think it’s funny and plays along or can be their friend.

Why would Ohm be friends with a disgusting human? He gets a tug on his wrists, and he rolled down to see his sigil flashing.

“I have to go,” He sighed as he got up from his chair. “It was chatting with you guys.” Ohm walks away from the two and went outside. The guy who got kicked out because he was smoking. The man grumbled, but Ohm quickly snaps his fingers and the man is now in the trash can. He struggled while Ohm chuckles silently. He disappears from sight.

-

The red candles lit up and surrounds the circle. Inside of the circle is a sigil. The room faintly smells of raspberries. Brock and Brian sit crossed legged. The room doesn’t have any windows or one of those air vents. Not to mention it’s quite small. The phone glowed out the locked screen with the time of 3 in the morning.

“We got this set up, now what?” Brock asked. His eyes darting around the room.

“Now, we get to say the magic words.” Brian wiggled his fingers out, his friend giggle at the actions. He gives him a piece of paper. “This is what I’ll be saying and it’s not focking Latin. Thank god.”

“Wait, you’re doing this alone?”

“Well, yeah.” As much he wants Brock around, but he can’t join in because the demon might want something from him as well. He can’t risk it. “But ye get to drag me out in case shit backfires.”

“So basically I’m dragging your ass out of hell.”

“Yep.” He laughed. Then stares at the circle. It’s time. Brian took a deep breath and closed his eyes. 

“Lord Satan, by your grace, grant me, I pray thee the power to conceive in my mind and to execute that which I desire to do, the end which I would attain by thy help, O Mighty Satan, the one True God who livest and reignest forever and ever. I entreat thee to inspire Ohmwrecker to manifest before me that she may give me true and faithful answer, so that I may accomplish my desired end, provided that it is proper to his/her office. This I respectfully and humbly ask in Your Name, Lord Satan, may you deem me worthy, Father.” 

A few minutes and still is in the air. Brian took a shaky breath and opened his eyes. This has to work because all that black magick he learn has gone to waste in the dirt.

Within the circle, the sigil glows bright red. Little red candles fire up more and sways. Then spreads in the circle. Brock gasped while Brian is shocked in disbelief. It’s supposed to glow pink, not red. Did he mess up the sigil? Oh god, what kind of demon would it be?

Fire and smoke rose from the ground, causing the two to scoot back. Brian wrapped his arm around Brock. Smoke fades when a man wearing a white t-shirt. Red marks on his arms when he crossed. His eyes are covered by a blindfold with an omega symbol on it. The demon scowled on the cowering men. If you look at another angle, you could see a small bun near his neck.

“Jeez, you humans are so irresponsible. Don’t you know I can end you?” Despite his tense aura and vexation, his appearance alone is heating up the room. Literally, Brian cheeks rushed with flushed and it appears that Brock’s cheeks has become too. “Just tell me what is the problem?”

Be respectful and welcoming, “Ye see, I accidentally summoned ye-”

“Accidentally?” His voice booms and the room almost shakes. A small desk in the corner almost felled.

“I wasn’t supposed to summon ye! I was trying to summon another demon. I must’ve got the sigil wrong or said the name wrong.” Brian explained. His sweat soaked his forehead and armpits. Surprised, it didn’t stink.

The demon clenched his nose before pointing fingers at Brian, “At least I know you waste my precious time and pissed me off even more.” He gives a low chuckle. “I supposed you deserve to be perish.” He raised his hand as Brian stands up to floating above his toes. Before the demon could grab his collar, Brock stands between them. “Mortal human get away or you’ll end up like your pathetic friend.”

“I could do that, but aren’t we supposed to make a deal?” Brian could almost hear his friend’s heart beat getting louder. “How about we find something you greatly desire: money, food, or heck even animals. Just don’t kill Brian please.” Brock begged, his voice wavering. Before you know it, Brian dropped onto the ground. He scrambled up to his feet and quickly hold his hand.

“Anything?” The demon rubbed his imaginary beard. “Fine. In order to save your soul, you must find a certain group of people and when you do. Kill them.” a shiver ran through their spine. “No matter depending on your morals or alignment, you still have to kill them. Including you cutie.” he points at Brock.

“You can’t do that! Don’t involve Brock into this bullshit. This is between me and you, ye cu-”

“Brian.” Brock gave a soft smile, “Please, you created this mess and I’m always the one who has to clean it up. You did promise to buy me lunch.”

 “Enough with the sappy talk. I have to make sure the both of you won’t try and escape.” With the snap of his fingers, visible chains on Brian’s right wrist and Brock’s left wrist. It’s connected to the demon’s wrist. “It’s better that way.”

“Sorry, but can you please tell us your name?”

“I’m quite sure ‘Brian’ knows who I am, but I let it pass since you do have a good soul.” Before he could introduce himself, he kinda stop. He seems to be his thoughts while glancing at two, but shake his head. “I am known as Ohmwrecker, but my companions call me Ohm.”

[ecotone99]

The Afterlife [MS]

All things considered, TJ was lucky to only wake up with a stiff back and knee that felt just slightly out of joint. Considering TJ had been hit by a semi-trailer while drunkenly trying to cross the freeway, the slight uncomfortableness of his knee popping was insignificant. What was significant however was that TJ now Taali’nar, an ancient God worshiped by cavemen representing not being eaten by cave bears. Taali’nar was also the specific God to whom Stonehenge was attributed, but no one currently alive is aware of this, nor how not a single person had been eaten by a cave bear since Stonehenge’s raising.

“Where am I?”, said TJ

TJ’s voice echoed against blank white walls, which seemed to be both very close to him when he tried to move about, but so far away as to create an echo when he spoke to tried to walk specifically towards one of them.

Taali’nar spoke walking out from behind one of those walls frantically shimming his leopard skin pelt above their hips in a last ditch attempt to be dressed, “The afterlife, welcome to Thailreen, you have no fear of being eaten by cave bears here.”

“Holy shit there’s an afterlife,” TJ crouched into a ball and started rocking back and forth awaiting some punishment from Taali’nar.

Taali’nar pulled a giant sloth pelt from thin air and wrapped it around TJ, patting him on the back all the while comforting, “there there, no cave bears will harm you here, you are now under my aegis my child.”

TJ squeaked out, “This must be Hell, I was an atheist, what are you going to do to me.”

Taali’nar replied, “This is not Hell. Since you were an atheist, the Homeowner’s commission for property in eternity held a lottery to see which afterlife you would live in, and my domain of Thailreen is where you have been sorted, lucky you.”

TJ sat up straight and sat cross-legged in his sloth pelt, still slightly teary-eyed but now more perplexed than anything. TJ sniffled slightly when he responded, “I’ve never heard of Thailreen, is it like… Hindu?”

“Better.” Said Taali’nar. “Thailreen is the land of people who haven’t been eaten by cave bears, celebrated by brave mammoth hunters, berry pickers, druids, and shamen throughout most of history.”

Taali’nar helped TJ up and lead him towards the white walls of Thailreen, which grew closer to TJ with Taali’nar to guide him. Behind the walls was yet more white space, but sitting cross legged in front of a fire in the middle of the infinite expanse of white nothingness was a group of eight early-humans roasting an inordinately sized newt.

Taali’nar introduced the group to TJ from left to right, “This is Urg, she was killed by exposure, and over there is Wraug he tried to swallow a peach pit, which obviously didn’t work out. Shug died in childbirth, Goorg was mauled to death by a cave bear but not eaten afterwards due to his incredibly off putting body odor and Birg…”

“You mean I ended up in caveman heaven!” interrupted TJ

“Better,” said Taali’nar “All cave bear go to heaven, you don’t have to worry about that here. Much safer if you ask me.”

TJ grew visibly angry and shouted, “Shut up about the stupid cave bear, they’ve been extinct since like forever. I was never going to get killed by one anyway.”

“You’re welcome,” Interjected Taali’nar.

“You know I spend my entire life trying to come to terms with this inky black nothingness that kinda sets me and everyone else to being kind of equal. You know, a place where Jeff Bezos, my bitch ex-wife, and I can all be equally non-existent and now I have to refocus my entire mode of existence around not being killed by an extinct animal for all eternity because I lost a stupid arbitrary lottery, if I weren’t dead I’d kill myself.”

TJ, in a huff sat down by the fire with the other eight cavemen. Taali’nar, not being a God of wisdom or even omniscience awkwardly shuffled back behind the white wall, so as to not make TJ’s acclimation to people of Thailreen less awkward. TJ tried to eat some of the newt the rest of the cavemen were roasting but found it was being cooked more out of boredom then out of a need to eat.

TJ started tending the newt. At first only passively, just something he did with his hands. Gradually he started staring at the turning newt, skewered on a spit spinning at as constant and slow a rate as TJ could manage to get a glowing golden crispy grown skin on the reptile. He started to drift off into thought about the nature of his situation, and so he turned to the cavemen and asked.

“How many of you were sorted here because of the lottery?”

Only one hand rose up, but TJ was astonished to see the other seven stay down. This all meant that everyone at the fire genuinely worshiped Taali’nar, who seemed to have neither deific attitude, power, or pants. So TJ asked Gorg the burning question,

“Why did you worship this jackass?”

“Had sixteen family. Mother. Brother. Uncle. Grandma. All eat by cave bear. Want place where cave bear no eat us. Close eyes real hard. Picture this place. Good food, never run out. No cave bear.” Gorg said.

TJ replied, “How’d you convince these guys to worship this guy though?”

Gorg scratched his head, dragging his knuckles across the white floor when he brought his arm back down to rest. With that small bit of thinking time, Gorg said, “Cave bear big problem. Want world with no problem. Thailreen no have cave bear. Thailreen have no problem.”

TJ was consternated again when he said, “But this place sucks. It’s boring. You can’t even eat the newt you spend eternity cooking. There’s nothing to look at. What were you all thinking?”

Gorg swung his head about like a stiff rod attached to a spherical pivot on his neck to survey the afterlife he and his contemporaries had dreamed of. “Seem good to me. What problem? You think place be different?”

TJ shouted, “Nothing! I thought there was no God. Everything would go black, my brain would stop working. Oblivion!”

Gorg bluntly said, “So you say nothing better to be here?”

“Yes!” said TJ.

Gorg perplexed said, “Huh, everything must be problem. You sure no more cave bear?”

TJ sat by the fire. He was frustrated. His new fellows in the afterlife were ignorant, the God who ruled over the domain was unrelatable, the only thing he was capable of doing was completely pointless. But sitting by the fire, the smell of newt wafting through the air and the blocky yet cheerful grunting of the cavemen about him made him feel a little at ease with his unagreeable situation. Then Taali’nar came back.

“Hey TJ! Turns out that oblivion you wanted, that’s actually a place you can go to. Zeus, Satan, and Vishnu said the council agreed any atheist unsatisfied with their afterlife can opt to be obliterated instead, so whenever you’re ready just say the word! I heard there are no cave bears to eat you in oblivion, although there is also no ‘you’ to eat”

TJ looked at his feet for a bit before yelling behind his shoulder,

“I’m good for now. Ask me again later.”

submitted by /u/CursiveofDragon [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2GaBsjH

[tumblunni]

Me in the hospital: i cannot sleep for 24 hours, the slightest noise is blaring, i am perpetually anxiety adrenaline

As soon as i get home: has the best sleep of my life

I usually take an hour to get to sleep each night but i totally just curled up like a snail and dropped into dreamland instantly. And i woke up to a nice warm house cos the heating turned on while i was asleep, and now all the anesthetic is completely worn off so i feel energized and great! And my throat pain has eased up so thankfully i wont have to be liquids only for as long as i thought. I was all hyperactive and cooked a great fancy omelette and it tastes like heaven itself! Its so weird how stuff tastes slightly diffetent when its the first time youve been able to chew with the right side of your mouth in five years. I guess the tastebuds on the sides of your tongue are slightly different? When i eat everything now im gonna be rolling it all over my mouth like WOW ITS ALL SO NEW AGAIN! Will probably look nuts in the middle of mcdonalds with my cheeks puffed like a squirrel XD

Oh and this is also a great excuse to drink loads of chocolate milkshakes from my milkshake viking mug! I feel so energized with calcium and yums!! EVERYTHING TASTES SO NEWWWWWWW

Oh man i do feel a bit sleepy again now after just being up for a few hours tho. I have these good jaw pain specific medicines i have to take for the next two weeks til my followup appointment to check if theres any infection left. But man i feel SO ALIVE AGAIN im pretty sure all the rot is gone! It feels so wild having space in my mouth and not constant clenchy tightness. It actually hurts less recovering from the surgery than it did before, lol! I can feel all my teeth moving apart again and loosening up into normality and the gums healing up all their injuries and oh god i just love how they cleaned out all the broken parts of my teeth and capped them with these great replacements that look so real you'd never be able to tell! My smile looks not ugly!! My smile looks not ugly!! Aaaaa! I just expected regaining the right side of my mouth, i didbt expect to e like "holy shit it must have hurt even more than i realized cos this feels so amazing now". Like i guess i got used to putting up with it and forgot how it felt to not have painmouth? Underestimated how good a teeth can be! And man i never asked for reconstructive cosmetic stuff too but they did these caps and aaa my teeth never looked his good even when they were new!! My front teeth were always crooked even before they did the weird balogna slam together and shattered into a pile of crap. And now they look like perfect supermodel teeth!! The only side effect is that its a lil hard to get used to the lack of gaps between them now after so long dealing with the shattered mess. My tongue keeps being like "oh no did something get stuck in the gaps again oh wait there arent any" and then i subconsciously try to clean them after taking every bite and just bite my tongue instead. Man i never noticed i picked up a bunch of weird mannerismd cos of tje bad teeth! I was constantly paranoidly checking my mouth 24/7 in case the slightest thing made it even worse, and eating super gently so that nothing accidentally touched the Wrong Tooth and set off a jolt of pain. And i actually needed to get a filling put in on the leftmost back tooth that was the ONLY TOOTH I COULD USE TO EAT WITHOUT PAIN for all this time! Overuse of it meant that it got ground down a little and probably would have become painful too if i'd left it any longer. Then i really would have been all soups all the time and that sucks!! Soups are good but nothing but then gives u stomach issues. The bad poops!!

Man sorry im rambling so much im just so hyper and happy and also still kinda dopily sleepy! Im not still delirious or anything i just feel the happy kind of sleepy where the anesthetic is all gone and its not "oh god i cant stay awake" and more natural sleepyness of a long day being over and everything being okay. I had such a good long nap and i feel well rested after getting so little sleep beforehand due to all the dumb anxiety. And i still feel dozey but happy doze~

Anyway its awesometo be able to really chug and crunch a foods! With the other side of my mouth i forgot about! And taste milkshake to its fullest extent!! Oh and whats weird is that the reconstructive surgery capping on my front teeth means that theyre kinda one tooth now? The caps are all linked in a single piece to fill the gaps fully without even the natural ones you'd have on healthy teeth. So its like a solid tooth guard just sculpted to look like three teeth. Itll be tricky to train myself out of thts subconcious rubbing the gaps with my tongue when theyre not even there. But i expect once i get over the unfamiliarity this triple cap will be really useful! Theyre totes reinforced so that even if i do get tight mouth problems again and the front teeth take the brunt of the pressure, now theres no gaps to smash into each other and become a painful mess. Its like scaffolding reinforcing my whole mouth by fixing the loadbearing beam, or something.

Oh also these pain meds make u a little bit more sleepy than normal paracetamol so i'll probably doze off again soon. But hopefully i will have slept off most of the "healing debt exhaustion" tomorrow and will be able to go walk down the shops and buy some icecream and other soft food. I mostly stocked up on purely liquid food cos i tjought my mouth function would be more limited. But honestly the teeth are working so much better than before, they were already so swollen and painful that i couldnt crunch stuff! Now the mild discomfort of mid-healing from surgery feels like barely anything and i bet i could bite thru a goddamn rock right now! I just cant really swallow crunchy stuff or stuff thats too salty or citrusy. I didnt even know about the stabbity throat pipe so i didnt expect it to be the most painful part that takes the longest to heal. It feels so weird cos i keep coughing like my brain thinks theres phelgm stuck in my throat when its actually a skin flap/blister from the insertion. So obviously that aint going anywhere and i have to try and force myself not to cough or swallow or else i set off this cjain of "must get thing out of throat must puke" reflex. And the pain feels like a sore throat but it isnt?? Its not really inflamed ot anything its just an actual friction burn on the opening of my airway. Which is not a common occurance so the brain is justvlike "what the fuck is happening, must send all contradicting signals at once!" So sore throat medicine wont work cos that goes down your throat passage to your stomach when really this lil skin tag blister thing is in the lung throat opening thing. And sucking on throat sweets made it worse cos all the muscles were really tense around the area where the tube was inserted, hence why it was hard to swallow food even tho it was my windpipe that hurt. And sucking on something is kinda like perpetually swallowing nothing, when you think about it? Im glad that the muscle tenseness is mostly gone now and the painkillers are helping with the ouch, and my brainis getting usedto not coughing and making it worse. But still should eat soft easily swallowable stuff for a lil while and it'll be fun to go aroundthe shops with my last pocketful of change and find neat ingredients to stick in omelettes. Im so excited to taste all my favourite things in new HD functional mouth power!!! And i can smile at the shopkeeper!!!

And oh man i really do think that my sleeping problems with stiff neck and that kind of 'bloodrush to the head' migraine were indeed part of the bad wisdom teeth bleeding internally under the gum. I thought it had to be that cos nothing else in my life changed around that time aside from getting a better and healthier bed which should have been beneficial to my neck. And even going back to sleepong on the floor like before didnt make a difference so it definately wasnt the bed! And it kept getting worse while nothing was changing, and i kept trying different things like changing my pillows and headphones and cutting caffeine out of my diet and eating more salt and eating less salt and fuckin ANYTHING ELSE cos i knew if it really was the dumb tooth being infected then there was nothong i could do about it til my surgery day arrived. Itd be such a relief to know for sure that it was indeed the tooth and now that nonsense is gonna be gone forever! But also thats really worrying to know that it was getting so bad it could have spread an infection to my jawbone and the top of my spine if itd been left much longer. I kept sneezing up blood lumps like the size of a fifty pence piece! Had never had nosebleeds for a decade and now suddenly all the time! God it feels so good to be able to lay my head down and not feel all woozy and tense im the forehead or neck. I really hope this good neck untenseness continues and the awful aches really were just the tooth. But everyone in the hospital was so nice that i think even if i do need a second surgery to check for jaw infection then id be able to be less nervoud than i was this time

Man do u ever get that thing where youre so peaceful and contented that like you can breathe easier? Like subconciously taking bigger breaths and the middle of your chest feels slightly puffed out and warm. I guess thats what the "heart leaping in yout chest" idiom is meant to refer to, lol! Or maybe i can just literally breathe easier cos the tooth pain might have been passing into my nasal cavity too, lol. My entire head feels so less tense!! Its like all my bones were rebelling against me and now they're at peace again!! Man i feel so giddy happy like i chugged a giant energy drink or something but its the opposite its a good sleeps drink XD

So im gonna go lie down again and have a relax and watch a movie or something and see if i pass out when the medicine kicks in, or if its not too bad and i can still continue my hyper mood. But my nap was so long that its too late to go to the shops now anyway so i'll just make more plain omelette and milkshake if i get hungry. I mean it doesnt taste plain when all my sense of taste is so amplified likethis! I dont mind if its all i can eat all week. PURE MILKSHAKEY DECADENCE

Aaaaa im just so happy!! I missed my chance to get the new. Kingdlm hearts but ive beenwaiting fkr this surgery for ages too and it feels like just as much of an exciting relief!

[thatweirdmod]

Windowless Moviemaker Chapter 6: Race

Windowless Moviemaker

Chapter 6: Race

Kidney turns and leaves me sitting against the wall-- speechless.

My eyes slowly move over to Mitchol, whose slouching form is now cast in darkness by Kidney's shadow. I think, hollowly, that the blood drying on his face probably itches a little. Mitchol manages a small squirm in his ropes.

"Well?" Kidney demands irritably.

Mitchol's swelling, battered face jerks up to attention at Kidney. "W-what?" He dares to ask.

"You're up. Give me a plan."

"Oh," Mitchol says. "Er, I just expected-"

"Is there something you don't understand about your situation?" Kidney interrupts. "You don't get to expect anything. Now, the plan."

"Uh, well, I guess we need to get to their computers somehow. They probably ripped DVDs too. Redhand's a little old fashioned. We might also have to look out for tapes..."

Kidney crosses his arms, scowling. "If I kill these guys, then wipe their houses, am I gonna have to worry that I missed a spot because you couldn't point me in the right direction?"

Mitchol attempts to splay his hands. "Look, I know where my stuff is, but how am I supposed to know exactly where their stuff is?"

Kidney chews at the inside of his cheek angrily and walks over to the table to grab a notebook and pen. "Let's just start with addresses," he says, poising to write. "Redhand."

"He lives up in Tindle in those stained up white apartments. Er, I think the number's 46."

"Costriel." Kidney demands, looking up from his scribbling.

"He lives in an apartment too, and he's actually rooming with Nethandre." Mitchol says. "316, in the Fortitude Apartments."

Kidney nods his head.

"So, er," Mitchol begins. "What are you planning to do now that you know where these guys are?"

"You remember how I said you don't get to expect anything?" Kidney says patronizingly. "The same applies to asking. I, the one who is allowed to expect and ask, do not expect you to open your mouth unless I ask you something."

Mitchol swallows and shifts in his blood-stained bindings.

Then Kidney turns to one of the concrete walls, as if it called his name. He stands, staring at it silently, before asking another question.

"Did you... Did you give those videos to my uncle too?"

Mitchol's mouth quivers. "H-he, uh... he was the one who suggested that, you know, we needed some extra insurance on you in the first place. So yeah."

Kidney stands still, unanswering and unmoving, but I can see his jaw working slightly.

"But please!" Mitchol sputters. "Dude, I-I.. I totally forgot about that earlier-- when you asked who had the videos." His arms press up against the ropes, trying to shield his body. Kidney walks in front of him. "I wasn't holdin' out on purpose or anyth-" Mitchol is cut off by Kidney smacking him over the head with a closed palm.

"Just out of curiosity, Mitchol," Kidney says. "If I hadn't asked about Uncle Stoulfer just now, would you ever have "remembered" to tell me?"

"We-w-w-well I don't know." Mitchol trembles with his hands splayed open and his eyes wide. "Guess it's a good thing you jogged my memory man, ha..."

Kidney turns and paces slowly, shaking his head. "I never liked the way that old, crusty loaf looked at Krin, even at me. But for my own selfish reasons, I ignored it all this time." He scoffs lightly. "Just one more reason to be glad I'm out." He turns back and looks Mitchol dead in the face. "The blinders are off."

"So you're aaalll alone," I say from the corner.

Kidney's eyes shoot to me, surprised.

"What? You thought I'd be totally traumatized just from that?"

His gaze narrows hatefully.

"So some weird shit happened and you saw my dream. It prompted you to get the jump on us, but that was mostly luck. And that's probably as far as your luck will go in regards to picking useful kernels of information outta piles of brain vomit." I snort. "Even my thing was more useful, because I saw you in real time."

Kidney smiles. "Where did I see your dream?"

"Huh?"

"It was inside your mind. It had to have been, 'cause that's where they're all cooked up." Kidney says, tapping the side of his head. "The moon is almost full again. That has to count for something." He breathes in. "I can go further with this. But I'll make sure you stay at your current level. You'll be underground here where you can't touch the moonlight."

"You don't even know what the hell 'this' is." I say.

"Pretty smug talk for a guy who's about to lose everything," Kidney says, with his mouth turned upwards in a smirk that doesn't reach his stony eyes.

"What better time to be smug than when you're about to lose everything?"

His face contorts with all the nasty feelings that must be roiling around inside of him. "I told you I'd take everything from you, and this bullshit positive nihilism of yours will be one of the things. I'll make you understand how bad playing as the loser really is, even if the game has the same black ending for everyone."

He takes Mitchol's phone out of his pocket, then says, "Mitchol, you told me you could set Redhand up."

Mitchol breathes in. "Redhand's looking for a new place to do his snuff movies, so I'm thinking maybe I can tell him I found a good place, and you can catch him there?"

"Hmm," Kidney says, folding his arms. "Why does he happen to need a new location now?"

Mitchol explains, "He's been under some suspicion lately. His neighbors've been complaining about a smell, like rotten something, coming from his apartment."

I don't need to wonder what that smell could be. I watched a video where Redhand Heriolt cut a girl open with a sharpened can top. It'd probably taken a fair amount of practice to learn how to do, but he'd managed to keep his subject awake and alive while he pulled out part of her intestines, smeared the pungent brown contents over both of them, and pleasured himself.

I had thought, while clicking through Redhand's contributions, that cleaning up set after filming that kinda stuff would be way too much of a pain. Looks like Redhand thought so too. That filth and gore in the background really had been as caked-on as it looked.

Mitchol continues, "He even got, you know, reported to the cops 'cause someone heard screams. Redhand laughed it off, sayin' it was slasher flicks playing on the TV. They left after he promised to turn the volume down, and they never got a search warrant or nothin'. Still, better not push it, right?"

I nearly snort. Well no shit someone heard screams if he was doing that stuff in an apartment.

Kidney asks, "Where do you plan on telling him to go?"

Mitchol swallows weirdly, with something about him quivering. "That ghost town 40 minutes southeast of Grishee, the neighborhood has a bunch of abandoned old houses. I know a little white one has a basement too. I think I could convince him it's ideal."

A frown of skepticism sends Kidney's lips pointing downwards, but then he walks closer to Mitchol and loosens some of the bindings so he can move one of his hands. Just as soon, however, Kidney slips a pocket knife out of his back pocket and pops the blade out against Mitchol's neck.

Mitchol gasps sharply, but Kidney just places the previously confiscated cell phone into his newly freed hand. "Text him," Kidney says into Mitchol's ear, adjusting the angle of the knife. "Make it sound natural, and make sure he goes to that little white one."

Mitchol's throat bobs, as much of a nod as there was going to be. He goes to work on the keys:

"sup dood. te ghosted out hood in Caplum has som gud spots. white house wit te green dor has a cool basement."

And "SEND".

Kidney's mouth quirks to the side. "I know I said to make it natural, but are you sure he'll get that?"

Mitchol chokes, "Yeah, I mean, I text him like that often enough."

"I see," Kidney says. Then, the phone buzzes.

"R U THERE NOW?"

"Eh, what should I say?" Mitchol asks.

"If this is a test, you might not be able to answer follow-up questions confirming that you're there. You're at home, got it?"

"nah im chillin in my plce. u out?"

"NO. HOME RUBING1 IN BEEFSLAB+blood I BAWT.CANT HUNT BUT NEed it bad."

"lol. tis Caplum spot wil fix u up. no 1 evr gos der. wnna chekit out togetrr?? jst gimme a time bro."

"nightS YUNG.TERES TIME TO CATCHA WOMAN I LEAVE RN. BETHERE 1HR???"

"frige lvl cool dood XD"

"I didn't say you were supposed to go too," Kidney purrs lowly over Mitchols shoulder. "But, I suppose you can just be 'late.'"

He takes the phone out of Mitchol's hand and re-tightens the ropes. "I can handle Redhand Heriolt from here."

With that, he turns on his heels, clops up the concrete stairs, and leaves me and Mitchol to rot in the bunker.

I look at Mitchol. "Please tell me you just tricked him somehow," I say.

"Shh," Mitchol replies quietly.

A couple of little sparks flare up in my chest and head. If I had the energy, I'd click my tongue. Don't you shush me, bitch. I whispered anyway.

Black silence begins settling down between us, and I close my eyes. The concrete is hard against my body, and I can feel us becoming one via temperature as my warmth seeps away into its cold. I move my lips, and a barely audible, hoarse series of whispers spills from them.

"Mother Earth, Mother Earth, once again to us give birth."

Suddenly, a violent roiling upheaves my stomach, like Poseidon's stormy fist punching the sea in wrath and sending the waters booming and swashing. I projectile vomit all over myself and the floor. The deja vu from my dream hits me first, and then the disgust and embarrassment of real life.

Mitchol jumps, as much as he can tied up anyway. His face is tense with that look of distubia, shock, fear, and concern that I hate directed

at me. "Wha.. are you okay man?"

A suck in a stinging, bile stained breath and respond to him in stench coated words. "No. Fuck... we just... we need to get the fuck out of here."

I lick my lips, and regret pools inside my mouth as my tongue pulls foul bits and cooling, sour fluid back into it.

There's a book of religion that says god will not be mocked and is not to be tested. I suppose I couldn't rightly be of the wombs and births of two different mothers at my own convenience. I never considered myself a man of faith, but this stuff I've been touching-- it seems to be some part of a sprawling realm beyond scientific knowledge.

I look down at myself. The sight of me must be making Mitchol sick, but since I'm already like this... I allow the muscles in my bowels to unfurl like a relaxing kitty, and warm liquid soon soaks my jeans and forms a pool around me.

Yep, this is one thing they don't tell you, at least not often, about being kidnapped. I was living freely up until however many hours ago I was taken, and that meant that I drank coffee and expected to be able to reach a toilet when it made its way through me.

I sigh, and lean over to inhale the merging smells that had all been inside my body. Amazing, how humans are all so disgusting inside, but we act as if we're clean until it comes out. I don't bother to look up at my roommate as I contemplate going number two.

But then I catch my reflection in the puddle of urine, and decide that I have to cancel my reservations with Mr. Brown, because the Train of Thought just arrived, and it only stops at the station for 3 seconds.

The first thing I thought, or perhaps, was told, about Mother Moon was that she was a relayer of the sun's message. And gods... gods... I was just thinking about them. But what do I do about them-- what do humans do about gods? They... sacrifice and serve. Blood, lives... offerings.

"Angel of The Great Star, to you, I unbar. Birth me into the spacial assemblage. Through me, relay the message," I say.

Mitchol again looks at me like I'm insane. Indeed, I've done it incorrectly. If her light cannot touch me, it is pointless. I take in a deep breath, and begin fighting against the ropes around my body harder than I ever fought before. Just a bit, perhaps they're loosening.

If I can just get out of these, I might be able to find a way to force the bunker door open and get outside. And if Mother Moon accepts me, I will be raised above Earth and the Earthlings. I will be 3rd, and they will all be 4th.

In the clearing outside the bunker, Kidney faces the moon and spreads out his arms, letting the glow bathe his body. This pale light can be so many things: ethereal, comforting, serene, eerie... He'd never questioned whose mood it really depended on until recently.

"Mother Moon, Mother Moon..." Kidney trails off, his eyes closed in concentration. But concentration isn't quite right. The chant... the feeling isn't coming over him.

"Mother Moon." He says, more of a plain address than a mystical prayer. "I can see you here tonight, as always. Does it not please you to commune with me right now?"

Gazing up at the white ball suspended in the infinite black cosmos, he ever so slightly feels her grow closer for a moment. However, she remains silent and far.

"On your own terms, Mother Moon." Kidney submits, inclining his head in reverence. Despite everything that has happened, he still feels a little crazy as he walks back to his rental car. He might fit the definition of "lunatic" now.

Kidney drives down the rural road to Caplum. Thousands of spindly, bent trees slash endless shadows through the yellow glow from his headlights. If he were taking the Passage to Hell of the South and met Satan at the end, it might not surprise him. Fitting though, that such a road would be irritatingly monotonous. Bored despite his mission, he flips the radio on.

Unintelligible words and tunes grate through static on most of the channels. Then there's the twang of guitar and a longing voice that reminds Kidney of grass fields swaying under a golden sunset in the middle of a heaven set in nowhere. He never did like country music, so he twists the knob one more click.

A bold, smooth, male voice butters the speakers. "The quiet neighborhood of Green Shade has been shaken by the story of a local housewife. According to her, she was drugged and kidnapped from her home by two masked men, who broke in late at night."

Kidney's heart lurches inside of his torso, along with the food in his stomach. He gags, swerving into the wrong lane for a second. After everything they-- Jeeto-- had told her, Mrs. Horatay was still talking?

The deep voice coming through the speakers crinkles with static. "...underground bunker. They then proceeded to film themselves sexually and physically assaulting her. The woman reports that at various points during the hours-long ordeal, both of her assailants lifted the masks away from their mouths and exposed the bottom portions of their faces."

Kidney's head swims with nausea. He never saw so much as a coin for getting that damnable spasm closeup. The footage of the actual stimulation was cut, he was sure. He'd been the one to edit Mrs. Horatay's movie. But somehow it had escaped his mind that Mrs. Horatay could be looking down, drawing a sketch in her mind for the cops.

"Both attackers appeared to be young males, in their late teens or early twenties. She describes them to be of average height, the shorter of the two having a round face and lightly tanned complexion, while the taller male's face was square shaped. She noted no hair or distinguishing blemishes on either of their faces, however..."

Kidney's hands tremble on the steering wheel, but he forces himself to focus on driving. "Relax. There's gotta be a hundred guys that fit those descriptions around here," he mutters to himself.

After a small eternity, Kidney spots a sign that humanity had come here ahead of him. "SPEED LIMIT 45" in faded black over rusted white. He slows down, guides his rental car into the overgrown brush on the side of the road, then takes the key out of the ignition.

With the engine dead, it's so quiet out here. Kidney pulls on his new black burglar's mask before getting out, just in case. He gently pushes the door closed behind himself, then goes around to the trunk.

A bag of supplies he packed from Jeeto's house is inside, and he unzips it and pockets from it a syringe of animal tranquilizer and a switchblade. The weapon he chooses to keep equipped in hand, however, is the 16-inch machete he brought himself.

Kidney begins his stalk up the road. Even in this dark place with the shadows of the bushes staring at his exposed back, he can feel Mother Moon's light clothing him and guiding his footsteps. Krin's innocently smiling face in the sunset of his room... such a distant memory kept so close to his heart. He clenches the hilt of his machete. He will not be afraid.

Mother Moon's warmth and comfort begins to seep all through him, and he senses her closer than before. The neighborhood comes into view. So he stays low and hidden as he makes his way to the west-most side where that white house is supposed to be. He sees the car before the house. It's a van that only breaks creep convention for its having a green paintjob instead of a white one.

Suddenly, a something like a living memory possesses his mind, only, something is not right. He finds himself looking at himself from behind, his black, hooded form crouching down behind bushes. One of his meaty arms is outstretched, and the hand is holding something, shiny, cold, and heavy. It's a gun-- pointing.

The head that he has an intimate awareness of, but not a oneness with, turns furthur downward without command. He sees white hairs in the bottom of his vision, and the stomach below protrudes too far forward. It is covered with a green Hawaiian shirt.

Kidney gasps, and seems to be sucked back into his own mind again. "Stoulfer," he breathes. Instinctively, Kidney whirls around on his ankles and spins up from the ground. The blast of the bullet rings the air, and Kidney feels it whip past his head and break through the dry shubbery behind him.

The moonlight makes depthless pits of the bags under Uncle Stoulfer's eyes, and carves darkness into every wrinkle and pockmark on his skin. The hairs of his white mustache and goatee twitch.

The old man's deep, raspy laugh mocks him. "I always knew you'd end up givin' me trouble."

Kidney runs for one of the houses. He can hear the many voices of his uncle's mind echoing. The thoughts are so muddled, though, and examined all at once, they're like a wild drove. Irritation. Lust. Smugness.

But the foremost thoughts-- those are the thoughts of action. That is where Kidney puts his focus. The gun fires again, but Kidney knows where it has made its path, and dashes out of its aim just as the trigger is being pulled.

"Shit! Pretty quick on his toes," Kidney hears.

"Got lucky there," Uncle Stoulfer hollers.

Kidney crashes through the rotting, wooden front door of a house, and runs into a bedroom in the back. He stands to the side of the doorway and listens to the floorboards at the entrance creak. Inside, Stoulfer's thoughts sound like mumbling, for only weak, pale streaks of moonlight penetrate the dark building through broken windows and cracked roofing.

Kidney can sense with the stronger rays of light touch the old man's balding head, because those are the moments he can hear more clearly.

Uncle Stoulfer plans to check behind the kitchen counters first, then... Kidney clenches the machete handle and raises the weapon. When Stoulfer comes here, he will strike.

[ask-white-fatalis]

every odd number for the OC questions

HOO BOY.

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?Shiro’s full name is Shironus AkumaWraths full name is Wrathanula AkumaKaze’s name is simply Kaze AkumaQuins (my hunter OC’s) name is Quintor Zenerith 

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?Shiros childhood was horrid. for the first 100 years, wrath made his life a living hell in order to toughen him up, only to abandon him by exiling Shiro from his ancestral homeland for Shiro’s pacifistic beliefs.Wrath didn’t start as an asshole. he was a fairly average dragon and even at one point interacted with human beings. however, a turn of betrayal with the humans turn wrath cold and unfeeling.Kaze so far has had a good childhood, then again he is only 2 years old.Quin’s childhood was one of poverty and homelessness, as his parents were killed by a rogue Gore Magala when he was still very young.

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults? Shiro Has a brother and a sister. His brother, Kuro, Is a black fatalis and is his fathers favorite, often belittling Shiro about how little their father cares about him. Kuro has grown arrogant and crass, often womanizing with many female fatalis’s. Shiros sister is a creature even wrath fears because of how far he pushed her violent nature. given she is a crimson fatalis, the most violent of the 3 species, wrath had her trapped within an abandoned castle when she started to kill her own kind for sport. Kaze, Wrath, and Quin are only Child’s. 

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? ((most of my Main OC’s do not have many childhood friends, whether being unpopular, an outcast or generally displeasing in general (wrath…). however, I’m glad to say both quin and shiro are making friends in their adult life.))

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? Shiro, although a predator by nature, does his best to respect all living creatures, even befriending some that most fatalis’s would just see as a meal.Wrath has a stern belief that fatalis kind are gods among mortals, that every creature is below that of his species, some of which need to be eradicated from existence.Kaze is learning shiros more pacifistic ways.Quin, even as a hunter, has many monster friends, including a zinogre he raised from a lost pup.

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?Shiro, Wrath and Kaze are carnivores, and require meat to feed them. however, to keep up kaze’s metal coat, he must ingest ores, like iron and dragonite.

13. What is their least favourite food?Shiro: Rhenoplos, their hide is too hard to chew and their meat is stringy and tough…Wrath: of all of earths creatures, humans by far taste the most foul. and believe me, I have experience to back that up… -growls-Kaze: STONES TASTE YUCKY, BLEEEEECH!!! >:cQuin: Grilled cheese. …. I’M NOT WEIRD, YOU ARE!

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?((Shiro,Wrath and kaze cannot cook cuz they are dragons, and even in gjinka form they eat food raw.))Quin is an average cook, and likes to surprise his wife with many dishes. his specialty is pizza.

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?all: … what are photos?

19. What’s their least favourite genres?Shiro: I don’t care much for those horror books… they really seem unnecessarily Gorey… and i care not for what the young dragons call “Wrap music”. Wrath: Human arts are a waste of time. if i want entertainment fromthem, I’ll just burn their beloved libraries!! HAHAHA! STUPID PINK MONKEYS!Kaze: ROMANCE IS GROSS, BLEEEEECHQuin: I hate anything with adam sandler :I

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?Shiro has a lot of patients, but LORD HELP YOU IF THAT FUSE GOES OUT. Wrath simply kills you if you bug him slightly so…Kaze, as a kid and thus doesn’t have an abundance of patients, and often complains if he doesn’t get his way.Quins temper is fairly level, but has none for people he thinks are rude.

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?Shiro and Wrath remember everything that has ever happened in their 100,000′s of years they’ve been alive.Kaze has very bad short term memory and has a bad attention span.Quin has a decent memory but has trouble with names.

 25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?(( @monsterhunterayame asked this as well!))Shiro: what did the buffalo say to his kid when he went to school? -snorts- BISON!!! PFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, OH YOU HUMANS MAKE THE FUNNIEST JOKES!!! HAHAHAHA!!!Wrath: the screams of torment of my victims the second before i rip their heads off! humans make the most pitifully funny squeaks~Kaze: POTATO! :DQuin: My friends have named me the pun deputy~

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?If he ever gets into an bad argument with a friend, shiro will feel very depressed, and often think that he ruined the friendship he worked hard to build. he does cry, but not openly.Wrath believes showing sadness is a weakness unbefiting of a dragon, and will never show anyone the sadness in his stone cold heart.Kaze often gets sad if he squishes a bug, and will cry openly, asking shiro if he can save the poor insect.Quins sadness comes from the thought of the gore magala ripping his new life out of his grip, and the parents he lost to the beast. 

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective?Shiro gets very protective of his friends,doing his best never to mention their fears.Wrath brutally abuses the knowledge of ones fear, often using it to torment his victims. Kaze is generally fearless,so he doesnt quite grasp why others would be afraid.Quin, if only for a harmless park would jokingly tease about the fear, but will immediately stop if he thinks he’s gone too far.

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?((Shiro, Kaze and Wrath do not consume alcohol))Quin does drink, but only the drinks that taste “fruity”. and if he gets drunk, he becomes very flirtatious, to the point where he bets he could shove a wine bottle up his… ehm…y-you get the point…

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?((for this purpose,monsters will be in gjinka form))Boxers: Wrath, KazeBriefs: Shiro, Quin

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?Shiro’s guilty pleasure: making purring noises when happy, and getting chin scritches.Shiros unguilty pleasure: Making friends!Wraths Guilty Pleasure: expressing joy.Wraths unguilty pleasure: killing.Quins guilty pleasure: SingingQuins unguilty pleasure: Raving about his wife, Naomi.

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?Shiro,Kaze and Quin all enjoy reading fiction books, Quins fave being kaiju novels, whereas shiro and kaze like fairy tale fantasy books. Quin and shiro are fast readers,but kaze is still learning howto read.Wrath thinks books are a waste of time and prefers to just burn them.

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?-All characters live in a technologically inept age in terms of writing, so all must stick to letters,-

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?Shiro would most likely be Heterosexual however a certain fish gets him all hot and bothered so i guess its a bit ambiguous. in a relationship,shiro likes mutual respect and lots of small signs of physical affection, like cuddling. Wrath is Unfeeling, although he would only have relations with an opposite gender.Kaze is too young to determine.Quin is Bi-Sexual, and likes a lady with confidence and curves, and a man with a cute face and muscle, but not too much! Quin also likes physical signs of affection and someone he can have a laugh with and relate to.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?…. uh

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?Shiro: I HAVE ZERO REDEEMING QUALITIES! ;U;Wrath: all fear me,and all SHOULD fear me…Kaze: they think i’m a cute! owoQuin: I’m not sure really…i guess just some guy??? i dunno…

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? ((Monster OC’s will again be refered to in their gjinka forms))Shiro is ALWAYS the fanciest and classiest dressed mother fucker in the room.Wrath doesnt care. Kaze is often told by shiro to dress fancy but often just likes to wear hoodies and shorts cuz they’re comfy.Quin dresses his best on formal occasions, and would buy a tux if it were necessary.

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?For shiro, Four obsidian spires in a long forgotten valley are very close to his heart. every year he goes to see them for hours on end on one particular day.Wrath has a scar on his chest thats important to him, however, its to remind him to NEVER show weakness.Kaze has a scale from Shiro that he carries everywhere, to make him feel like shiro will always protect him. Quin’s only thing from his parents are his fathers Critical Brachydios dual blades. he takes them on every serious hunt he’s been on.

[marsupial-tapir]

okay ANIMORPHS cooking headcanons, who can follow a recipe, who doesnt understand portion control, who sets pasta on fire

wow what a surprise i cannot believe u have requested this

take 3 on the cooking headcanons. U ASKED FOR IT

marco: remember how whenmarco was 11 his mum died and his dad fell into a major depressive episode andmarco unofficially became his own sole carer for 2 years? HA good times wellmarco knows how to cook. thats how he’s alive. he never viewed the task withmuch enthusiasm bc it was just like,, something that needed to be done,, (atleast some of the time. obviously 2 in 5 days it was just m&ms for dinner)and he’s got all his skills from trial-and-error and from watching the terribledaytime cooking shows that his dad watches, so he’s not an Artiste™ but hispractical skills are off the wall. he can make a shockingly palatable meal outof nothing but convenience-store canned items, jake’s lunch leftovers, andgently-expired condiments. also he is a MASTER when it comes to Secret KitchenTricks (many of which were cannily passed down to him by a forward-thinking evabefore she disappeared). the only person who knows about these talents this iscassie. one time he called her and she was like “im SORRY marco im distractedby this bacon disaster, i just put the olive oil in and its all going wrong”and marco’s like “well duh there’s your first problem. you dont FRY withOLIVE OIL cassie. thats why it SMOKES. use rice bran oil like the rest of us”and cassies like ???????? she never tells anyone bc she realises hes lowkeyembarrassed by the fact that he’s developed this as an Adaptive Survival skill,and when hes a kid he plays it down like nbd, but later on when he getsolder he starts to milk this talent for all it’s worth. hes like hang on…. thisshit is VALUABLE. that’s when his true culinary talents can blossom

jake: uworded this “who sets pasta on fire regularly” and my response to that is thatone (1) time jake did Not set the pasta on fire and it made marco cry realtears of joy. listen jake tries So Hard (because, in the spirit of being theUltimate Straight Ally Dadfriend and an All Round Decent Fella, he’s lowkeyaware of his existence as a straight white guy and makes well-meaning attemptsto avoid hypermasculinic douchebaggery in domestic life. also he’s probablythat disgustingly wholesome Hey Mom Do You Need Some Help In The Kitchen kindof kid) but when he tries its just. so bad. oh my god its so bad. he’s onlyever tried like 3 ultra-basic Good Ol Classic American meals and every time hedoes its a crime against his culinary heritage. his brownies come out lopsided,, he putswildly incorrect ingredient volumes in,, he confuses salt for sugar,, somehownever manages to stir the cake mix properly,, tries to do taste tests like “i thinkit tastes ok??” no it doesnt jake this gravy tastes like toxic waste,, withoutfail lets something catch on fire while he’s squinting at the recipe trying tofigure out which step he was up to,,, its a mess. his family suffers through itnevertheless because they are Heroes. “t-tastess – gre at,, llittleb uddy”pre-yeerk tom says once, with tears of anguish streaming from his eyes

rachel: terriblecooking is a berenson gene and if rachel had survived the war marco’s talk showwould have included a nailbiting Reality TV segment where contestants sample amystery berenson dish and have to race to identify the Cousin of Origin beforefood poisoning sets in. this segment would have been discontinued after the 3rdhospitalisation and a food safety inquiry. in essence rachel is as terrible asjake but also worse because the constant failure pisses her off so much thatall of her concoctions are brewed with a terrible bitter malice. Fuck You,Pasta. You Deserve to Burn. also i think at some point in the series itmentions taht rachel tried being a vegetarian and i choose to believe this istrue and also that it is the point where things go from worst to worster.eventually even she has to admit she’s never gonna manage it and resorts tolike. deep-frying entire zucchinis or something

tobias: uknow what?? im gonna say Not Terrible?? tobias is pretty creative and lbr idoubt his neglectful ass relatives were gonna cook for him. he probably pickedup some stuff from recipe books bc he liked reading through them (listen i cantcook for shit but even i get a kick out of lookin at food books bc goddamn??the aesthetic?? plus tobias was a book kid in general so) also if we’re runningwith the autistic tobias concept (its Canon, folks) i like the idea that as ahuman tobias couldve been hypersensitive esp. to tastes, so he was pretty goodat noticing when two flavours clashed and figuring out what stuff to puttogether to avoid that. (obviously he cant do this as a hawk but sometimes hewatches ax’s food choices and the twist of primal horror he experiences is acomforting reminder that some vestiges of his humanity remain). HOWEVER by thesame token he also doesnt strike me as the sort of Organised Efficient personwho’d be a really productive cooker. i might be self-projecting here but like,,have u ever tried to string together a series of practical tasks into an organisedsequence while in the kitchen,,, theres like 80 bowls and justt too manyutensils and timers goin off and u forgot to put the herbs in and u ran out ofbench space so u gotta try start washign up at the same time but meanwhile ugotta Coordinate all the cooking stuff really fast so u dont poison urself orstart a fire and then u lose focus zonin out thinkin about smth else u alreadymessed up the order of actions sso do u start again or just eat the garbage or??? look cooking is hard and i feel like tobias gets that. he’s ok at it intheory but his application is shit. also hes a bird

cassie: idsay she’s not a natural culinary prodigy but with lots of patient practiceshe’s become pretty decent. im not sure if its canon but for some reason imconvinced her dad is a really good cook?? meanwhile her mum is approachingberenson-level bad and DESPISES it. hooooo boy. (she and rachel bond overthis). this means her dad enlists cassie as Head Kitchen Assistant and teachesher the ropes, and she really quite enjoys it? preparing a meal is simple andpractical and instantly-gratifying in a way thats really calming, and she likesbeing able to spend time with her dad. also not to be sappy but one time theyhave rachel over for dinner and cassie and her dad are helping each other stirthe pot on the stove while her mum and rachel viciously chop vegetables andtoss carrot tops at them from across the kitchen as a protest against beingrelegated to washing-up duty, and afterwards cassie tries to make brownies but burnsthem atrociously and they gotta pick through the charred remains to find ediblebits and rachel says “HA who’s top of the Poisons Authority Watchlist now??…dont answer that” and thats. a really good night. cassie holds on to that. ALSOafter the war cassie pretends she’s a way worse cook than she actually is soshe has an excuse to invite marco over to “”help her”” and get him doingsomething different. he never admits that it helps but she knows fromexperience it does

ax: HOOO BOY HERE COMES THE WILDCARD. i was torn betweensaying “theres an intergalactic petition to establish a restraining orderbetween ax and Every Kitchen” and “he is a culinary TREASURE” but u knowwhat?? porque no los dos. ax around food is an unrestrained force of nature. this is a canonical fact. he gathers his flavours from the world around him (literally from the entire world around him, and from under him, and sometimes from the gutter to his left) AND im gonna say that despite his unconventional pantry choices hes actually,, not too bad at making flavours Work. unfortunately since he never has to occupy a human body for longer than 2 hours he has never had to work around the concept of “”food poisoning”” and his talents would have gone to tragic waste,, had marco not stepped in to save the day. with the help of marco’s PRACTICALITY and his handy snippets of earth advice like “the alfoil is aUTENSIL not an INGREDIENT what the FUCK AX how are u even CHEWING THAT” ax’s raw talent is skilfully tamed. together they areunstoppable. They take out several team cooking shows on network tv,once because ax famously used the kitchen’s set props as a garnish. Ax probablybriefly invests in a popup restaurant for the fun of it and meets with roaringcritical success before it is gently shut down by the well-meaning andhighly-entertained food safety authorities, on account of his questionableingredient choices. Notable exchanges in the restaurant’s brief andspectacular history include the food connoisseur who located ax personally toimplore “what is this…. subtle twist of flavour? the acidic flare that tinglesin the throat and warms the belly to its deepest crevice? please aximili, umust reveal what mystery ingredient is responsible for this luxuriant gustatorysensation” “its helicopter fuel”

[creativitytoexplore]

[MF] The Man of the Forest https://ift.tt/3pmWMb6

The train bellows in the distance- running through the mountain pass like a dragon in the clouds. Smoke releases from the stack and rushes through the air. A man in the forest hears the sound of the technical beast- afraid due to his limited exposure to the advances of neighboring cities.

Everytime a train passes, the vibrations channel through the dirt. Sensitive to the nature surrounding him, the man feels each wheel rushing across the track. The vibrations that dissipate as distance increases still present the man with an earthquake sensation. Unnerved, the recluse curses under his breath when the train approaches his forest home.

Living alone in solitude can either make or break a soul. Since the man decided to reside in nature, he has felt a gracious tinge of relief. There are no neighbors in sight who may pass judgement or ridicule of the man. His way of life in the woods has brought him fresh air and plenty of provisions. He can fish from the nearby river or scavenge for berries. With a small home, the man doesn't need many logs to keep warm. His fireplace is suited for the entire flat.

Oh yes! Residing amongst the singing birds and the deer who share drinking water is living with good company. The man smiles as a squirrel scatters across his boot. Despite being from different species, the animals have seemed to not care about the man's presence. He is one of them- a forest dweller doing what he needs to stay alive.

Yet, what damage could this train bring? To both, the man and the animals, the train is a monstrous force. Where clear blue once existed, now black fog permeates through the sky. The disturbance is monumental. Only one decision could be made: move.

The man sighs with regret as he lays a hand on his home. Perhaps someday, another human would be able to withstand the noice of the technical beast and enjoy the house he crafted. Another human- another soul- who loves nature as much as the forest man. With that thought in mind, the man readies himself for a relocation.

The journey begins in spring, a comfortable time to begin building a home from nothing. With his supplies prepared, the man carries onward. He already knows that a new home would sit well by the riverfront. The trip to the river is about five miles through a tight forest. Care is crucial when walking, an unlucky encounter with a poisonous snake would put the man's journey to an end.

Regardless, he is confident trailing through the forest. As birds dart through turn brush, the man smiles- they are playful creatures. To the lone forest man, the birds remind him of children. After all, they are always flying to and fro with cheerful vigor. Honestly, the birds prove to be his favorite neighbors.

Once he reaches the river, the man continues to follow the water. He grabs a few pieces of dried meat from his pouch while searching for a place to craft his new home. After another few several miles, a clearing in the forest comes into view. The man laughs happily as he envisions a fresh log cabin- still very much alike to his old home- with a great view of the wild river.

Night ensues shortly so the man makes haste. For now, he must utilize a tent. The structure entails large branches and a rawhide cloth that the man brought. After the tent is set, the man builds a small campfire. Although he loves the wildlife, the man understands how dangerous nature can be at night. Fire wards away potential predators like bears of cougars.

The flames are as lively as the sound of the surrounding forest. The man sits around the fire and watches the flickers shoot up towards the stars. The contrast of the vibrant fire against a dark night overwhelms the man with sentiment. Life is beautiful and better when all is calm.

The man stands up and cracks his back. Tomorrow will be the beginning of hard but exciting labor. He lays inside his tent and thinks about how wonderful it will he to have a peaceful home again. There will neither be devilish trains to shake the earth nor black smog to disturb the balance. With beautiful thoughts in mind, the man quickly drifts into sleep.

The sun rises at dawn, painting the earth in light hues of red and pink. Once the morning birds begin their trill, the man finds himself awake. He opens his provision pouch and takes meat for breakfast. The campfire is low but at no cause for alarm. The man can safely leave without fear of causing a wild fire. Another good reason why working in the spring is beneficial- no summer heat to cause distress.

The man clutches onto a handmade axe. He finds a section of trees and begins to chop. Slowly but surely, he will have lumber to begin the foundation of the house. The process will last days and weeks. Fortunately, building a home in solitary is not new to the forest man. He understands the difficulties and bas the determination to prevail.

Time passes and the man stands in front of his new home. The cabin work is complete in midsummer. A feeling of relief warrants celebration. The man runs to the river and takes off his clothes. Cool water greats the man as he flops into the river. His swimming startles some fish who dart away. The man cannot help but to laughs- there's no need to be afraid especially since he isn't hunting. Of course, fish don't understand the difference between playing and preying.

After a good swim, the man returns to his cabin. He dries off and begins to cook some rabbit. Food always tastes better inside a home. There is no need to be afraid of bears coming through a solid door.

Finally! Peace is achieved!

At least that's what the man thought until several years later...

The sound of machinery begins to haunt the forest man. In the distance, trees have fallen to manmade construction in progress. As with the train, the vibrations of various trucks and tree cutting mechanics travel through the ground. The man's heart drops- not again!

Despite his age, the recluse decides to take action. He wants to know why the hell outsiders are causing destruction. The walk must take about half a day's journey, but is a necessary toll for this old man. Quickly, he gathers some provisions and a cane. With a bag over shoulder, the man begins to confront the disturbance.

He reaches the site before the workers pause for lunch. Surely, they were not expecting an angry old man walking to to them from the forest. The old man stumbles to catch his breathe. Once he found his ground, the man confronts a worker.

The cane slams against the ground to draw attention: "What do you all think you're doing!?"

The worker looks perplexed but unfazed: "Sorry old man, but you have to leave here. We're busy."

Outraged by the lack of decency, the old man continues to uproar: "How dare you all coming in here and destroying this beautiful forest! All of these trees have been here longer than you or me. They deserve to remain standing!"

The worker yells back annoyed and aggravated: "We're only doing our job! This trees are coming down. We will be working on fresh roads and a bridge. Look, this property all belongs to the state, and everyone has agreed to connect two cities together. That's how it's going to be and no old mountain man can stop production!"

The old man holds back bitter tears: "They have trains don't they? They don't need more roads! Already the trains have brought unrest. Now, with this project, more animals will be driven out of their homes!"

"Understand this," the worker harshly replies; "No one cares! When the work must be done, it will be done. Should more trees be chopped down, then they will be chopped down. The progression of towns and cities does not rely on trains alone. We need roads, we need construction! Now, go home old man and let me do my job."

The worker leaves with a hand shooing the old man away.

To see how little respect the workers have for the life that they are destroying hurts the old man's heart. Feeling defeated, the old man returns to his cabin. As night falls, so does the sound of construction. The old man opens his door weakly- the day's journey has been more difficult than he had thought.

He lays in bed without eating dinner. Looking up at the ceiling, the old man replays the scene of the construction site. Tears roll down his cheeks. He had believed that moving from his first home to a new location would bring him away from human interference. Yet, the contrary has been proven true- humans will continue to leave their mark. Regardless of the needs of nature, technology grows at a deadly pace.

Why can't there be balance?

The phrase crosses the old man's mind. He concludes that those workers were not people, but machines. After all, a human's role on this planet was designed to help support nature- not damage the life around them. Mulling over what was and what could be only creates more discomfort. The old man's love of nature is simply not shared by all.

Alas with the oncoming days of mechanical work, the old man understands that he has lost.

In the morning, the old man feels ill. He sits up in bed and coughs violently. Unfortunately, yesterday's journey left him weakened. The old man scrambles to get his cane. Walking slowly, he reaches the door. The beautiful river greats him as he steps outside.

On the other hand, he begins to hear the construction take place. More trees fall to the earth and the old man feels their vibrations. Overwhelmed by grief, the old man clutches his heart:

"Oh why can't they let me die in peace?"

Birds fly above overhead, singing in mourning for the dead As the river continues its course Unable to have remorse The old man had touched nature's heart For he would never from her depart Alas his soul give a final cry: "Why can't they love you as much as I?"

submitted by /u/Brash_Kid [link] [comments]

[kristinsimmons]

Flourless Bite-Sized Breakfast Muffins

Boy am I ever glad to be on the the other side of that flu! Last Thursday, when I posted my Triple Almond Energy Balls recipe, I thought that after five long days of bedrest I was starting to feel a bit better. Unfortunately, I wound up taking a turn for the worse Thursday evening with some scary flu complications cropping up overnight. My temperature skyrocketed (despite being on fever meds) and my cough became much worse. Luckily I’d already done quite a bit of reading on this year’s flu season because I was so worried about the kids getting it and wanted to know which high-risk symptoms to look for. Based on what I’d read and what my doctor told me, having symptoms improve and then come back even worse than before was bad news (it’s actually one of CDC’s “emergency warning signs” of flu complications). Gulp!

On Friday morning I couldn’t even get out of bed to see the kids. I was nauseous, sweating profusely, and had major chills despite feeling super hot. Adriana came into my room looking concerned and said “Mommy, why you don’t wake up today?” That just broke my heart. I knew I had to get medical treatment right away.

I think it’s been about 15 years since I’ve needed to take antibiotics, but I can’t tell you how grateful I was to have them for this virus, which had turned into bacterial pneumonia. The medicine brought my fever down quickly and I’ve been feeling a bit better each day since—although I still don’t feel like myself. I’m currently operating at about 36%, maybe, lol! I think the flu was extra hard on me because I was already run down from taking care of the kids the week before (I’m so thankful their flu symptoms weren’t as severe as mine…I’ll take one for the team!), and of course nursing through the flu takes its toll on the body. It was a stroke of luck that Eric got by with mild body aches (consider me impressed as he was living off junk food all week!), so he held down the fort while I slept, and slept…and slept some more. Each night, I would collapse into bed at 7pm as soon as Arlo was down (and this early bedtime was in addition to an afternoon nap each day). I’ve never slept that much in my life. (And now I know what it’s like to be a baby/toddler!)

Needless to say, we’re all ready to start a new fresh month and hopefully keep as healthy as we can through the spring. So far March is shaping up to be great—I’m alive, after all. ;) Take care of yourselves everyone…I’m sending you all healthy wishes for a happy month ahead!!

  Flourless Bite-Sized Breakfast Muffins

Vegan, gluten-free, grain-free, oil-free, refined sugar-free, soy-free

These grain-free, kid-friendly muffins are packed with fibre-rich chia seeds and contain only a couple tablespoons of natural sweetener! The almond butter base gives them a deliciously nutty flavour, and overripe bananas lend an extra sweetness. We love serving these mini muffins at breakfast and snack time. Best of all, this recipe is made entirely in a food processor (a blender should work too)—so there’s only one dish to clean when you’re done! I’ve provided optional instructions for preparing larger muffins, if you’d prefer, so be sure to read through the tips. This recipe is inspired by Paleo with Mrs P.

Yield 24 mini muffins plus a few ramekins

Prep time 15 Minutes

Cook time 20 Minutes

Total time 35 Minutes

Ingredients:

1/2 cup (80 g) whole raw almonds*

2 3/4 cup (400 g) chopped overripe bananas (about 3 to 4 large)

1/2 cup (120 g) natural smooth almond butter

1/4 cup (33 g) arrowroot starch

2 tablespoons (20 g) chia seeds

2 tablespoons (30 mL) pure maple syrup

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon apple cider vinegar

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350°F (180°C) and set aside two 12-cup silicone mini muffin pans or one 24-cup silicone mini muffin pan. There’s no need to grease silicone pans, but if you’re using metal muffin pans, line them with mini paper liners. This recipe makes enough for more than 24 mini muffins, so line an additional 2 to 3 small ramekins with standard-sized paper liners to use up the remaining batter.

Add the almonds to the food processor and process to a fine crumb. Be sure not to overprocess the almonds into butter. If the ground almonds start getting sticky, they can negatively impact the texture of the muffins once baked.

Add the chopped banana to the ground almonds along with the almond butter, arrowroot starch, chia seeds, maple syrup, baking powder, cinnamon, apple cider vinegar, baking soda, and salt. Process the mixture until smooth.

Use a small cookie dough scoop to portion the batter into the muffin pans, filling each until about three-quarters full. Use the remaining batter to fill the ramekins until about two-thirds full.

Bake the mini muffins for about 18 to 22 minutes (I bake for 20 minutes), allowing an additional 6 to 9 minutes for the ramekins to bake through. To test doneness, gently touch the top of one muffin. When ready, they will spring back very slowly. Finished muffins should also have visibly golden edges.

Cool the muffins in the pans/ramekins for 30 minutes before attempting to remove. Carefully slide a knife around each muffin and gently pop it out of the silicone pan. (If using paper liners, the muffins must be cooled completely before removing, or the liners will stick to the muffins when peeled.) I love spreading these muffins with a little coconut oil before serving, but they’re also fantastic topped with chia seed jam. And thanks to the nutty taste and natural sweetness, you can enjoy them plain too. Leftovers can be stored in the fridge in an airtight container for 3 to 4 days, or in the freezer for up to 1 month.

Tips:

* If you don’t have any almonds on hand, feel free to swap them for walnuts or pecans instead.

  To make a dozen regular-sized muffins, use a 12-cup silicone muffin pan. Fill each mold to two-thirds full and bake for 24 to 26 minutes. If using a metal pan, be sure to line each with paper liners, filling and baking as directed, until they have golden edges and very slowly spring back when touched on the top.

  If you’d like to make these muffins more decadent, try stirring some chocolate chips into the batter! For a crunch, add a couple handfuls of chopped walnuts or pecans.

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Flourless Bite-Sized Breakfast Muffins published first on https://wittooth.tumblr.com/

[susantregre]

Flourless Bite-Sized Breakfast Muffins

Boy am I ever glad to be on the the other side of that flu! Last Thursday, when I posted my Triple Almond Energy Balls recipe, I thought that after five long days of bedrest I was starting to feel a bit better. Unfortunately, I wound up taking a turn for the worse Thursday evening with some scary flu complications cropping up overnight. My temperature skyrocketed (despite being on fever meds) and my cough became much worse. Luckily I’d already done quite a bit of reading on this year’s flu season because I was so worried about the kids getting it and wanted to know which high-risk symptoms to look for. Based on what I’d read and what my doctor told me, having symptoms improve and then come back even worse than before was bad news (it’s actually one of CDC’s “emergency warning signs” of flu complications). Gulp!

On Friday morning I couldn’t even get out of bed to see the kids. I was nauseous, sweating profusely, and had major chills despite feeling super hot. Adriana came into my room looking concerned and said “Mommy, why you don’t wake up today?” That just broke my heart. I knew I had to get medical treatment right away.

I think it’s been about 15 years since I’ve needed to take antibiotics, but I can’t tell you how grateful I was to have them for this virus, which had turned into bacterial pneumonia. The medicine brought my fever down quickly and I’ve been feeling a bit better each day since—although I still don’t feel like myself. I’m currently operating at about 36%, maybe, lol! I think the flu was extra hard on me because I was already run down from taking care of the kids the week before (I’m so thankful their flu symptoms weren’t as severe as mine…I’ll take one for the team!), and of course nursing through the flu takes its toll on the body. It was a stroke of luck that Eric got by with mild body aches (consider me impressed as he was living off junk food all week!), so he held down the fort while I slept, and slept…and slept some more. Each night, I would collapse into bed at 7pm as soon as Arlo was down (and this early bedtime was in addition to an afternoon nap each day). I’ve never slept that much in my life. (And now I know what it’s like to be a baby/toddler!)

Needless to say, we’re all ready to start a new fresh month and hopefully keep as healthy as we can through the spring. So far March is shaping up to be great—I’m alive, after all. ;) Take care of yourselves everyone…I’m sending you all healthy wishes for a happy month ahead!!

  Flourless Bite-Sized Breakfast Muffins

Vegan, gluten-free, grain-free, oil-free, refined sugar-free, soy-free

These grain-free, kid-friendly muffins are packed with fibre-rich chia seeds and contain only a couple tablespoons of natural sweetener! The almond butter base gives them a deliciously nutty flavour, and overripe bananas lend an extra sweetness. We love serving these mini muffins at breakfast and snack time. Best of all, this recipe is made entirely in a food processor (a blender should work too)—so there’s only one dish to clean when you’re done! I’ve provided optional instructions for preparing larger muffins, if you’d prefer, so be sure to read through the tips. This recipe is inspired by Paleo with Mrs P.

Yield 24 mini muffins plus a few ramekins

Prep time 15 Minutes

Cook time 20 Minutes

Total time 35 Minutes

Ingredients:

1/2 cup (80 g) whole raw almonds*

2 3/4 cup (400 g) chopped overripe bananas (about 3 to 4 large)

1/2 cup (120 g) natural smooth almond butter

1/4 cup (33 g) arrowroot starch

2 tablespoons (20 g) chia seeds

2 tablespoons (30 mL) pure maple syrup

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon apple cider vinegar

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350°F (180°C) and set aside two 12-cup silicone mini muffin pans or one 24-cup silicone mini muffin pan. There’s no need to grease silicone pans, but if you’re using metal muffin pans, line them with mini paper liners. This recipe makes enough for more than 24 mini muffins, so line an additional 2 to 3 small ramekins with standard-sized paper liners to use up the remaining batter.

Add the almonds to the food processor and process to a fine crumb. Be sure not to overprocess the almonds into butter. If the ground almonds start getting sticky, they can negatively impact the texture of the muffins once baked.

Add the chopped banana to the ground almonds along with the almond butter, arrowroot starch, chia seeds, maple syrup, baking powder, cinnamon, apple cider vinegar, baking soda, and salt. Process the mixture until smooth.

Use a small cookie dough scoop to portion the batter into the muffin pans, filling each until about three-quarters full. Use the remaining batter to fill the ramekins until about two-thirds full.

Bake the mini muffins for about 18 to 22 minutes (I bake for 20 minutes), allowing an additional 6 to 9 minutes for the ramekins to bake through. To test doneness, gently touch the top of one muffin. When ready, they will spring back very slowly. Finished muffins should also have visibly golden edges.

Cool the muffins in the pans/ramekins for 30 minutes before attempting to remove. Carefully slide a knife around each muffin and gently pop it out of the silicone pan. (If using paper liners, the muffins must be cooled completely before removing, or the liners will stick to the muffins when peeled.) I love spreading these muffins with a little coconut oil before serving, but they’re also fantastic topped with chia seed jam. And thanks to the nutty taste and natural sweetness, you can enjoy them plain too. Leftovers can be stored in the fridge in an airtight container for 3 to 4 days, or in the freezer for up to 1 month.

Tips:

* If you don’t have any almonds on hand, feel free to swap them for walnuts or pecans instead.

  To make a dozen regular-sized muffins, use a 12-cup silicone muffin pan. Fill each mold to two-thirds full and bake for 24 to 26 minutes. If using a metal pan, be sure to line each with paper liners, filling and baking as directed, until they have golden edges and very slowly spring back when touched on the top.

  If you’d like to make these muffins more decadent, try stirring some chocolate chips into the batter! For a crunch, add a couple handfuls of chopped walnuts or pecans.

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