#like yes he went awol BUT the trailer scenes are over

[readdontsleep1]

SPOILER WARNING FOR TBB S2 !!

I AM UNWELL

CODY ABSOLUTELY ROCKED THIS EPISODE. JUST. PEEFECTION.

[portraitoftheoddity]

“Some people move on... but not us.”

I mentioned Steve’s inability to move on in an answer to an ask about the Steggy ending, and while I want to make clear that I think many criticisms of that ending have validity and that Steve and Bucky should have had an actual reunion and goodbye -- for the MCU version of Steve Rogers (not 616!Steve; he’s a whole different bag of issues)-- I think his choice to go back to reunite with Peggy makes sense in terms of his overall arc.

MCU!Steve Rogers doesn’t move on. 

That’s sort of the thesis of his journey in Endgame (his trailer line “Some people move on, but not us” being hammered home), but it’s been built up throughout the series.

Peggy wasn’t just someone he “kissed once” -- she was one of the few people in his life who saw the value in him back before he was Cap, looking at him as a person back in 1943 in boot camp. They bonded over being pushed to the margins and overlooked. She treated him like a human instead of a lab rat when he was selected for Project Rebirth. And after Erskine died and Steve was reduced to a dancing monkey, Peggy believed in him. She had his back and helped him go AWOL to rescue Bucky, she was working with him the whole time he and the howlies were laying waste to HYDRA in Europe. That’s nearly 2 years of knowing one another, before the ice. 

Waking up in the 20th century is traumatizing for Steve. He goes down ready to die and survives, but loses his life all the same. His last words of CA:TFA, are “I had a date.” His whole existence and everyone he’s ever known is ripped away from him, and the distillation of that for him is his date with Peggy.

Then in CA:TWS, we see he’s been visiting Peggy. It’s presumably something he’s been doing for a while, even if she doesn’t remember. Steve flirts a little with Sharon, and he’s trying to let go and move on, but it’s obvious he hasn’t really been able to. He doesn’t date. He doesn’t really have much of a life outside of SHIELD, despite Natasha’s efforts. Then Bucky comes back, and Steve is once again confronted with the past. A past that doesn’t let him move on.

Except... Bucky does move on. Bucky leaves and goes to find himself and his memories over the next few couple without Steve. I know everyone and their aunt has fanfiction about Steve helping Bucky find himself, and I love those fics too, but in canon, Bucky goes it alone. He isn’t interested in having Steve on that journey. And when Steve chases after him, Bucky makes it clear he isn’t that man anymore. He might remember flashes of him, but too much has been done to him. Too much has changed. Steve is never getting back the Bucky from his past, however much he tries to treat him the same.

In AOU, Steve’s nightmare is that he can never go home. That he’s changed too much-- that he’s too broken and too traumatized. He longs to go dance with Peggy, but he can’t. He tries to convince himself that he’s okay with letting go of that life he wanted. He says: "I don't know. Family, stability... The guy who wanted all that went in the ice 75 years ago. I think someone else came out." -- He convinces himself it’s impossible, but it doesn’t feel like the triumph of moving forward. When Steve calls the Avengers compound home at the end, there’s a sorrow in it -- a surrender. This is the only home Steve gets. The only one he’s allowed to have. He’s made peace with it, but he hasn’t embraced it, not the way Natasha has looked at it as her family and home.

Steve is a walking open wound, and while he’s staunched the bleeding, it’s never healed. 

Steve longs for that past; for the man Bucky used to be; for the life after the war that he never got to live. He carries Peggy’s picture in his compass throughout the series, pulling it out over and over again like a talisman, and even in the modern day, keeps up with her until her death, where he is absolutely devastated. And Peggy carried the scars of that loss too, enough to leave weeping when she saw Steve and thought it was for the first time in seventy years, over and over again. 

Steve loves Bucky, but he loves Peggy too. His time with both of them was stolen.  

And Bucky wants to move on. Wants to be someone new. He can’t be that smiling guy from Brooklyn anymore, but he can reinvent himself, maybe, and heal.

Steve can’t.

That talisman -- that compass -- is the embodiment of Steve’s loss. In times of crisis, he always turns to Peggy’s face, frozen in time, a reminder of the man he was when she loved him and who he’s always tried to continue to be -- the part of himself he’s tried to keep, instead of changing. He never throws it away to look forward. He carries it with him. Just like he carries every death, every grief from his past on his shoulders until the weight of it verges on the unbearable.

So while yes, it sucks that Steve’s other relationships are pushed to the wayside in that last scene and he absolutely should have had better goodbyes and more of a reunion and parting with Bucky -- he’s lived the last five years of his life without Sam or Bucky, and his only meaningful and consistent relationship over those five years was Natasha, who is now dead. He now has the option to go back and be with Peggy, to rescue the version Bucky he lost, and to live out the life that he sacrificed. He has a chance to find peace -- and as a soldier, peace is what he’s wanted.

Also, without Steve constantly wishing for Bucky to be the man he used to be, to follow him into some replica of the past, Bucky can move forward and be someone different -- someone new. 

It hurts, and it’s bittersweet. But it makes sense to me.

(And if you disagree -- that’s fine! Everyone’s going to have a different analysis and a different emotional response as to whether the ending was personally satisfying or not. My only request is that you please, at the very least, don’t devalue Peggy as a character or her importance to Steve when expressing your dismay. She deserves better than that.)

[asphodelsandpomegranates]

The Runaway Bride (Pennywise x Reader x Pennywise)

“You're ours, darling, do you understand?”

“I've got no choice, papa. My dad's career is on the line and our whole family's reputation is at stake. My 'fiancée's' parents can do a lot of damage.”

“Then we'll slaughter them by one by one.”

“Murdering them won't solve anything. It won't save my family. Please, papa. Please, Penny. Just let me do this. Let me save my family. Forget about me.”

“No! We won't.”

“Oh, Penny. I know this hurts but I won't have you both mixed into this. I don't want the two beings I love get hurt...or worse.

“(Y/N)...”

You raised your hands to cup the older clown's jawline. “Please, Pennywise. Let me go.”

The older clown growled and threw yours hands off of him. “Fine. If that's how you want it to be. Then go to him. Marry the fucker. I'm passed caring, now.”

And he left you and the younger Pennywise alone, slamming the door of his trailer.

The younger clown looked to you, his yellow golden eyes soft and looked to be full of tears.

“Penny...I'm sorry but I—.”

“No, I understand. I think. I don't want to forget about you. You were always mine. You were always Papa's.”

“And I always will be. But right now, I don't have a choice.”

The younger clown trudged over to you and took you into his arms. The two of you held one another for what felt like years. Neither wanted to let you go but you had no choice.

“I love you both, Pennywise.”

“I love you, too, my little human.”

You drew back a little and lightly combed his bright red hair. “Look after our old man for me, will you?”

Pennywise nodded.

Six months later...

You opened the window of the hotel you were staying in and looked at your surroundings. There was no one around.

Good.

You were left alone in the hotel room by your request and your mother had ushered out herself and your bridesmaids. You had then taken this opportunity to check your surroundings and go AWOL.

You couldn't go through with the wedding. Not any more. You'd had enough. You couldn't take any more of your soon-to-be father-in-law's orders and commands.

You almost felt a little hypocritical doing this. You were proving Papa right by running out on your wedding like this and with you gone, your whole family would be in trouble. But at least you would be safe with both Papa and Penny, either in the sewers, in Neibolt or papa's trailer. It was better then being in the same room with a man whom you did not love.

You gathered your dress to one side and climbed up on to the window ledge.

“(Y/N), it's almost time—.” 

You looked round to see your dad standing in the doorway of your room and staring at you in surprise. Guess you didn't hear him knock.

“(Y/N)?”

“...H-hey, dad.”

“Sweetie, what's going on? Are you running away?”

You clambered back down and smoothed your skirts out. “Would...would you hate me if I said 'yes'?”

Your father stared at you for a little while longer before closing the door behind him and you stepping more into the room.

“No. I wouldn't be mad. I wouldn't hate you.” he sighed. “In fact, I probably should have stopped this from day one.”

“But you would have been—.”

“You didn't, though. I've put you through you hell. And if you go through with this, then you might as well go out into the churchyard and dig your own grave.”

He moved towards you and placed his hands on your shoulders.

“Listen to me, my darling, run. Run as fast as you can. Get out while you still can. Leave Derry. In fact, leave the damn country and get a better life.”

“But, dad, he'll—.”

“I'll deal with him. Just run. Go, now.”

You didn't need to be told twice. You were going to run. But not out of Derry, but to the men, to the creatures that you never forgot and still loved. You would stay with them and maybe come back to your family once the smoke cleared.

You hugged your dad once last time, climbed over the window ledge and jumped.

You kicked off your heels, hiked up your skirt and ran as fast as you could to the woods. The forest floor cut at your bare feet as you ran, the shrubbery and nettles ripped at your dress. A few times it got caught and you had to tug hard to get it free. Once you did, you were back to running.

About ten minutes of running, you leaned against an oak tree and tried to figure out which direction Papa's trailer was.

Your feet were stinging and aching from running and you were panting for air.

Looking round, you found that you had clue as to where Papa's trailer would be. Not in this part of the woods.

“Shit.” you breathed.

You supposed that your next port of call would be the sewers and maybe find your way through to the Neibolt House and sleep on a mattress whether it was new or lush or old and worn. You didn't really care.

You needed to find a sewer's entrance and find your clowns.

Getting your breath back, you made your way through the woods, hoping that a sewer pipe would be close by.

                                                      *************

Penny was sitting in the sewers. He was on his stage of his circus wagon sulking. He didn't want to go to papa's trailer. There was no point. The two clowns had argued to the point of almost fighting in various forms including their true forms. Almost destroying most of the woods around them. Thankfully, it hadn't gone any further for the humans to witness.

Now, he wouldn't go near his own father again. And he was missing you. His perfect little human. Who was getting married to some other filthy, pathetic human. The eldritch clown growled lowly at the thought of you standing at the altar with another man putting a piece of jewellery on your finger. Pennywise had a right mind to go to the church, create a bloody scene and take you back to the sewers and hold you forever.

He pulled his legs off the edge of the stage and crawled towards the back. But before he did, there was a sound that made him falter.

Water splashing from one of the sewer pipes. He sniffed the air.

Human. But it seemed...familiar.

He looked around, his eyes focused on the sewer pipe. Whoever it was it seemed as though they were in pain, judging by the whimpers and the shuddering breath. He moved off the stage and crept closer.

The sounds of splashing water and footsteps grew closer and louder by the second. Then in fell...Penny watched as you flew from the sewers pipe and landing hard in the water. Pennywise stared, shocked by your arrival. He scampered over to you like lightning and snuffled at you, nuzzling your affectionately.

The white dress you wore was all covered in mud and foliage from the forest and now wet from the sewage water. The skirt and your skin was torn and scratched. Whilst you looked to be a mess, you still looked so pretty to the young clown.

What had happened to you?

He snuffed and whined at you like a dog. Your skin was cold and he shuffled closer to keep you warm. You gingerly turned over on to your back and opened your eyes.

“...Pennywise.”

“Little one.” the clown purred, nuzzling your cut cheek. “You're here.”

“...I'm...I'm sorry it took so long.”

“Ohhh, that doesn't matter now, little one. You escaped.” he then looked at you all over. “You look divine.”

You have out a breathless laugh before your eyes rolled into the back of your head.

And you passed out.

                                                      ***************

Papa sat in his recliner, in his trailer with a cigar in his mouth and a newspaper in his hands. He wanted a distraction and all the bullshit that journalists reported might just help take his mind off of what today was.

He didn't want to think. He didn't want to let his mind wander over to what had been missing in his life for the past six months. His own offspring had deserted him, minutes after you'd stepped out of their lives and even had the gall to pick a fight with him. Neither one had backed down. They were the same species of different generations but were just as strong as the other.

Pennywise growled in frustration and focused on his attention on the newspaper. 

So much for not thinking about today.

He finished off the last page and inhaled a large puff of his cigar when the door to the trailer went flying!

Literally went flying. Across the room to the kitchenette.

And in came his son, lumbering in like the idiot he was. He was carrying something limp in his arms.

“The fuck is the matter with you?” Papa growled. “You're fixing that when—.”

Then he noticed what was limp in his arms.

A beautiful girl with dishevelled (h/c) hair, smeared make-up, scratched and bloodied skin and a tattered, dirty wedding dress.

“The fuck?”

Penny glowered at him before carrying you towards the bedroom.

Throwing the paper and his cigar aside, he followed his son into the bedroom as he rested you gently on the bed.

“What happened to her?” Papa asked, panic seeping in his voice.

“She turned up at the sewers like this. She ran out on the wedding. She needs food and drink.”

Pennywise nodded and hurried into his kitchen to be ready for when you woke up.

                                                           ***********

You weren't too sure how much time had passed but when you opened your eyes, it was dark outside. And you weren't in the sewers.

Looking around, you saw that you were in the familiar confines of Papa's bedroom.

You were safe! Thank god!

Letting out a sigh of relief, you tried to shift on the bed into a more comfortable position but found yourself pinned down.

You looked down and found the younger clown sleeping on your chest. His arms around your waist, his head on your stomach and he was purring.

You smiled. You couldn't believe how adorable he looked. You scratched under his chin and ran your fingers through his hair. The large, lanky, supernatural being shifted a little, whining sluggishly.

“Pennywise.” you cooed.

The clown's eyes flickered and then opened wide. He looked up and saw that you were awake.

“(Y/N)...”

“Hello, my gorgeous clown.”

The clown bounded up from where he lay and hugged you tight to his chest. His purring grew louder.

“Pennywise was so worried, yes he was.” 

“I'm okay, now, Penny. I've missed you so much.”

“I've missed you, too.”

“I'm sorry that I had to leave you both. I just—.”

“No need to worry, little one. You're safe with us.”

You slipped from your hug and looked up at him, with soft eyes. You raised up your hands and curled your fingers into his red locks. You scratched and scraped at his scalp, making him purr again.

You loved it when he purred.

“I thought I heard both of your dulcet tones.”

Looking round, you saw Papa standing in the doorway. Well, more like leaning. He was smirking at you.

Slowly, you sat up on the and held your arms out to the older clown. He slid over to you and took you into his arms...and lap. You planted your face into his ruffles, taking in the scent of old and fresh blood, candyfloss and popcorn and cigarettes. A scent that always reminded you very much of him.

“Missed me that much, baby girl?”

“Shut up. You know I did.” You pulled back and rested your forehead against his. “I've missed you both.”

Papa chuckled. He then turned to his offspring. “Kid, go and make our doll face a little sandwich. She needs it. You know how to make one, right?”

Pennywise glared at his father and made a series of grumbling noises as he lumbered off the bed. He nuzzled into your neck before leaving the two of you alone.

It was best that he did. You and the older clown needed to patch things up and a lot of grovelling.

“So, you left him, huh? Took you long enough.”

“I had no choice, papa. I wanted out but...I was thinking of my family.”

“We're your family, as well, sweetheart.”

“Yes but I couldn't get you two involved. “

“Pumpkin, you were being married off to a fucking chump. Of course, we could get involved. Half of that church wouldn't be standing if both me and Pen walked in there. You are our mate, honey. As we are yours.”

“I know, Papa. I finally know that, now. I was only thinking of my family and my dad's reputation was on the line.”

“I know, sweetheart. I suppose I was being a little stubborn and over protective. I'm a little surprised Junior wasn't the one throwing a tantrum.”

“Like father like son? I don't think so, in some ways.”

Papa scoffed and pressed a kiss to your cheek. His eyes wandered over your beaten form and tattered dress. “You look good in that, by the way.”

“Thank you. And before we go any further, let me eat. Several meals.”

“Ha! All right, baby doll. You rest here and I'll see what the fuck is taking the little fucker so long.”

“Be nice, papa.” you scolded as you crawled off his lap and under the worn sheets and blankets.

“Fuck 'nice', sweetheart.” he growled as he left alone.

But safe and sound.