#like. genuinely i think her fight is one of my favorites just bc its rlly enjoyable 2 me

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

jjk chapter 253 spoilers under the cut !!

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS CHAPTER…….. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 one of my favs in a while i think IT WAS SO SO GOODDDDDD

FIRST OF ALL. GOJO CRUMBS 😭😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺😞😞😞😞😞😭😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺😞😞😞😞😞😭😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺😞😞😞😞😞😭😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺😞😞😞😞😞 I CRIED I SOBBED I STARTED WRITHING ON THE FLOOR IN AGONY……. OUR SWEETIE………

HE’S SOOOO CUTE…. :(((( blindfolded gojo is my favorite ever he’s SO baby…….. i miss him sm it hurts i almost teared up seeing this panel that isn’t normal human behavior 😔😔 ”don’tcha think?” SIR PLS STOPPP…….. :((((( silly little goose…… i need to kiss him all over his pretty face just to hear him giggle (doctors surround me w syringes from all sides)

ok but gojo aside (come home baby the cats miss u 💔) MAKI????????? MY GODDESS?? i ADORE the fight between her and sukuna …. she looks completely feral i’m so enamored <333 wild raccoon coded <3333

and also…… the dynamic between these two……. 😵‍💫😵‍💫 maki being the only one since gojo who sukuna seems to be taking seriously/having genuine fun with???? (all the parallels between maki and gojo have been KILLING me i’m so glad akutami agrees w me that she’s his daughter ever <3) LIKE THAT’S SOOO SICK??? maki nation getting fed silly rn

”at its core, sorcery is all skin and flesh (…) that body of yours is all marrow and bone” BANGER ASS LINE EXCUSE ME??????????? AKUTAMI??????

but it’s also soooooo interesting isn’t it….. sukuna has always had a very specific view of sorcery and how it should be, and maki’s very existence completely goes against that ideal while simultaneously acting as a genuine threat to him… i think it’s so . insanely cool that he essentially views her as an alternative to sorcery?? and it forces him to revert back to the sorcery that he favours, just to prove that it’s superior (which is why he uses black flash for the first time!! at least that’s my read of it rn)…. IT’S JUST SO GOODDDD I’M EATING IT UP‼️‼️‼️

also sidenote kinda but but but . the sukuna theories…. abt him eating his twin……… if those are true then the sukuna/maki parallels are even MORE insane bc she had to sacrifice her own twin for the sake of survival/power but would undoubtedly choose mai over her newfound strenght every single time :(( while sukuna willingly chose strenght over companionship….. yeahhhh they make me ill

what else is there to say ……. kusakabe was there. PHDJDHDJF NO BUT WDYMMMM HE’S THE STRONGEST GRADE 1 SORCERER…… SINCE WHEN 😭😭😭 ??????

jokes aside i think it makes sense considering kusakabe just so happens to Know abt a bunch of stuff he shouldn’t know abt + somehow keeps surviving ???? but i still think it’s so funny how everyone is hyping him up while he’s like . I Am Not The Strongest 💀💀 he’s so funny actually…..

….. this is smth my fuckass brother said that unfortunately made a lot of sense + made me go completely insane but. maybe the reason kusakabe keeps trying to run away is bc he wants to stay alive for his sister….. :((( bc he needs to take care of her/doesn’t want to die and leave her alone the way her son did. sob. T_T that would be kind of a genius move on akutami’s part bc it changes his comedic moments to very heartwarming ones…. i’m actually rlly excited to see where this fight goes wahhhh

anyway back to gojo .

HE’S LITERALLY SOOOO BABY I CAN’T STAND HIM …. 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i don’t think akutami will ever truly understand how perfect this design is . like. there isn’t a single other character who perfectly manages to strike the balance between cute and handsome the way blindfolded gojo does . i’m sorry but it’s true. this is what the ideal male form looks like

[homophyte]

okay im going to be vulnerable and admit though ive owned house of leaves for a few months i was spurred to start reading it the other day after watching that video on myhouse.wad . no one make fun of me. that being said.

im not necessarily going though it super in depth and more just trying to unravel some stuff for funsies with some various help from old forums and what strikes me as sometimes glaringly missing from discussions on the book is the way it relates to women. like the fact that the house itself is treated as though it has a female identity will get talked about but theres not rlly discussions about the ramifications of that--how will and holloways posturing--named as explicitly about 'male dominance'--is essentially a fight over who gets to get the girl. wills early venture into the house is literally likened to karen kissing wax, like theyre BOTH infidelities, and thats not nearly the first time karen herself treats the situation like the house is her romantic rival or at least rival for wills attention (im not far enough in to have too solid a grasp on the implications of the name delial--but lets just say i have a suspicion?).

anyway whats maybe even more interesting than that is the way its kinda ALL about gender--its men who keep entering the house desperate to know what its about, its men driven to write about it and uncover its secret knowledge, and it drives them fucking crazy. like...you can read that--VERY EASILY--as men 'discovering' the ""hidden"" interiority of women, like, the very idea that women are complex people with their own ideas and emotions and inner worlds. the fact that the house has a secret inside is huge fucking news and just about every man in the novel reacts to it as such, but the reactions from women are like...not that. idk im not done with it by any means but the similarity between the conversations between karen & wax at the end ch VII and johnny & thumper at the end of VIII really apparent. when thumper is listening to johnny, seeking to understand him, being really invested and interested and not reacting with annoyance or disdain or boredom like he expects, it genuinely really knocks him out to the point he nearly cries--and then he bottles it up, writes it off, even when she echoes karens exact words flirting with wax he doesnt register it.

the text displays a consciousness around gendered expectations here, particularly bc thumper is a sex worker, that she cant be expected to intellectually engage w it, but she can and does...and then johnny doenst know what to DO about it, how to engage w a real moment of understanding between the sexes or whatever so he very consciously falls back on gender expectations for men and refuses to feel that connection, severing the tie he inadvertently built w her and consigning the moment to unknowable blackness. the void is invented by people determined to treat it as foreign--which often means treating it as hostile (holloways gun, johnnys suspicions when thumper didnt call him back).

that she ends with the comment 'you just need to get out of the house' is like...almost laughably on the nose especially w the way chauvanist culture has proliferated on the internet. like in the book too, dont get me wrong, its just so startlingly accurate to whats going on it seems like she really must UNDERSTAND in a way johnny fails to capture in his narration but still comes through due to her being kinda fucking great--sorry i REALLY like thumper in this actually she may be my favorite. its sort of difficult for me to look at the line and divorce it in my head from the phenomenon of the incel--read a certain way, you have johnny ranting and raving about how he just cant ever figure out what the collective 'woman' is thinking and all this time hes spent driving himself crazy about it, and thumper listening and understanding and very sympathetically and honestly saying 'that wouldnt be a big deal if you interacted w women instead of holing up inside trying to theorize about it.'

i dont necessarily think its a mistake that johnny is the kind of person he is, a partying womanizer or whatever, bc sex becomes his only interaction w women (his failure to talk abt the book w kyrie in favor or fucking her) just as entering the house becomes wills only interaction w it (or at least he rages when he cant have that interaction, he values it above others). the book is pretty clear about both of these acting as forms of penetration. as johnny gets more invested in the text he interacts more and more w the women zampano used as interpreters and comes more and more into contact w women and less and less able to deny their interiority.

the reaction from men that women are people is simple and plain disbelief, followed by disconnected, invasive, rigorous study, study that is likened to war, to surgery, to expedition--anything but understanding. its kind of baffling idk maybe im just not looking in the right place to see people talking about it but this sorta feels like...the point. hell even earlier in ch VII on page 91 you get will and holloway excitedly talking about calling the press about their huge discovery that no one will believe...and then just, karen, living her life, treated like an enigma. i literally have this written in my notes as "men discover women have internality; their wives decline to comment"

[pherre]

Regina spektor anon again (hi!!!) Getting through mash at an unbelievable pace cus ive been putting it on while i ink a 20-something page comic. Im at the end of s7. Margaret being part of hawkeye and bjs little crew is amazing. Her lightening up a bit and also getting more, like, consciously written as sad and hardened by her experiences is soo good. Also i think by s7 theyve finally (correctly) landed on the idea that she does not need to be paired off with hawk or charles or any main cast male in order to justify her presence. Thank god for that cus her Platonic Chemistry with ppl, esp hawkeye, is off the charts. Shes my favorite character i think (her and hawkeye anyhow)- shes just so compelling. Shes also getting a little more masculine sometimes. You see her in fatigues and shit like that which yknow👀. Sapphic hotlips agenda (i know what was up when that old childhood friend came to visit). Btw I love Charles. Hes awful and elitist and a chauvinist but hes definitely a far better foil than frank cus he's capable of holding his own against bj and hawk and he's not a warguy rlly. (I say this with great affection for larry linville and for frank as a character, cus he was great too!! Its just that i like charles more) and watching charles warm up very slowly is great. I tend to not be on charles's side but its very satisfying to watch hawkeye get put in his place sometimes and it also makes it a lot more satisfying to see ppl get one over on charles because its actually a challenge. Speaking of which, i loved in love and war and inga Very Much. What stellar episodes. I demand More slamming hawk into the ground about his misconceptions and fuckups (affectionate) especially regarding women. Also the show made me cry again- when hawkeye tells radar off and makes him cry, margaret's little dog monologue, and especially especially when mulcahy punches that wounded man during the xmas ep??? :,>( the shame he felt was so relatable and touching. again thanks for introducing me to this series, its such a joyful experience to get to know this piece of art and experience it. Ooh oh also, i wanted to weigh in on the Where To Start Debate. While im not a purist and i think any way a person comes to a piece of art is valid, imo the best way to do MASH is to start from the start. The sexism and racism was genuinely very disheartening, and the cornier, sitcom-ier writing does make it feel a little less essential than subsequent episodes and seasons but honestly if you're in for the longhaul it ultimately deepens the experience cus so much of subsequent MASH is invested in interrogating its past, generally thru giving margaret more of a voice and by complicating Hawkeye's role as the guy we the audience are meant to agree with and identify with. The satisfaction that comes with deepening Margarets characterization and taking her problems more seriously is partially predicated on, for example, the early shows casually dismissive attitude regarding instances wherein she was sexually assaulted or harrassed or demeaned. I hope they continue doing that. I know that that isnt an experience everyone wants, but it feels rlly cool to watch the show learn empathy and grow from its crueler, fratbro-ish perspective to something more holistically empathetic. Sorry thats soooo many words dont feel obligated to respond if its too much. I just have thoughts. Thanks.

aaaaaaa hi anon!!!!!! i love reading your thoughts dw <3

margaret's character arc is definitely one of the best things in mash. everyone say thank you to loretta swit for fighting for her character

and yes wlw margaret is so real!!! some ppl hc her as a lesbian, i personally prefer to think of her as bisexual bc her relationships with men on the show are too important to her character to consider them comphet. 2 me. all headcanons are beautiful though love is love

i'm so happy you like charles! he's definitely a more fitting antagonist for the kind of show mash became by season 6. the way his character is explored does add a lot more depth to the show (and at some point i feel you'll find yourself rooting for charles too lol. maybe! maybe not) and dont worry there will be more slamming hawkeye into the ground. maybe too much even

and i think you're right about starting mash from the pilot! part of my enjoyment of mash is about seeing how it changes, evolves and confronts its own shortcomings. for some people that might not be the case though, so i generally think if someone's not vibing with season 1's pacing or jokes but still wants to check out the show, s2 is a solid place to start. it has a soft pilot AND it's one of the best seasons of television ever like literally win win

youre always welcome in my inbox!!! i'm v jealous of you experiencing mash for the first time tbh so i'm living vicariously through you lol

[melancholiaenthroned]

dc pride ratings

Super Pride (Jon Kent): 2/10

it sucked so bad… no idea why it was the first in the book bc it definitely prepares you for disappointment. damian came across as homophobic, jon wore a straight pride flag, and jay barely did anything. the art was lovely but overall it just sucked.

Confessions (Nubia): 8/10

frankly i dont read a lot of nubia stuff so i cant speak to characterization but i really enjoyed this one! gorgeous art and very fun and silly story, i so wish there had been just a bit less action and more of her and and Io. will probably read some of her solo stuff after this because she seems great.

Think of Me (Connor Hawke): 10/10

im not a connor hawke fan or arrow fan in general, but oh my god this comic was so good. actually about the characters relationship to his sexuality! fun action scenes and villain! i really liked the music metaphor i thought it was well done. and damian wasnt homophobic in this one! also loved the art style a lot.

Up At Bat (Alysia Yeoh): 9/10

you love to see her again! hope dc actually commits to using her in more stuff now. the story was fun and i like that theyre setting her up as a vigilante. my only issue is a bit of a nitpick with the art, i just dont really like how the bat moves when she uses it haha. it looked curved and therefore looked like it hit weaker. i really liked the message tho and related to the feeling of just. fighting the same battles forever and never getting anywhere. dont know how much i relate to the “beat up supervillains instead” solution but its comics so. duh.

A World Kept Just For Me (Jackson Hyde): 9/10

i dont read a lot of aquaman, but ive heard that they drew his boyfriend skinner in this comic than he normally is, which, upon googling him. yeah. so point off for that. other than that is has got to be one of my favorites. the art and atmosphere is gorgeous and i love the different color palettes between the underwater scenes and the above water ones. i think the story was very very cute and nice and the ending was sweet.

The Gumshoe In Green (Jo Mullein): 8/10

LOVE the noir detective vibes. possibly the funniest instance of biphobia in the world. unfortunately also the most confusing. were they planning to eat her or fuck her? were they bisexual? not really being clear on that sort of lessened the punch of the story for me but frankly it doesnt really matter when the art and vibes are this good.

Public Display of Electromagnetism (Ray Terrill): 7/10

i have no idea who this guy is so that probably effects my ranking. i was bored! who are these people? for ray fans this was probably a big win but i literally have never even heard of him before reading this. i liked his internalized homophobia. that was different from the rest of the stories in this book where it seemed like everyone already was completely happy and secure in themselves. but unfortunately he got over in like a minute so i didnt really feel like it was anything other than cheap conflict. however maybe if ur a ray fan this is like, really deep for him. idk. the art was fine but i didnt love it either. very good light/magic effects but the ppl looked a bit odd. not to pit gay ppl against each other but they couldve put a midnighter and apollo story here instead.

Bats in the Cradle (Kate Kane): 6/10

literally the opposite of the last one. i love kate i read a ton kate so this… like ive heard it all before. this is nothing new. also i hate her dad so i dont care that hes proud of her. i wish it was more kate and her own self acceptance rather than her fathers but i guess they did that last year. and god last years kate story was so fucking good. art was fine and kate looked rlly good when she finally showed up.

INTERMISSION: Ghostmaker splash page: 10/10

is he kidnapping that guy? ok. sure. so confusing bc it genuinely looks like he just swooped in and stole this dude but thats also hilarious so.

Special Delivery (Tim Drake): 9/10

ok as tumblr user bernarddowd you can all guess by stance on comic character bernard dowd. hes perfect to me. i love that he acts and looks more like his 2004 self. i wish he had scars from his pain cult but when have comics remembered scars. i wish he had been there more! less tim. get ur bf on page. tim was fine tho ig. they can get away w not kissing in this story bc i figure they will in the tim drake pride special.

The Hunt (Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn): 10/10

very sweet and funny story. love their insane sex life. i love love love the romance manga art style and the color palette. surprised that it doesnt seem related at all to poison ivys new series but i guess theyre broken up in that so it makes sense. and i will always love to see jester harley even if shes an evil hallucination or whatever.

Are You Ready For This (Jesse Quick): 7/10

too much happened in too few pages, but that could be seen as a meta commentary on their powers? no i idea what goes on in teen justice so just reading this it seems like raven gets hit on and then gets so embarrassed hes like “i can NEVER join teen justice” but im sure he must be talking about something else. felt less like a pride story and more like pride as a setting which isnt a bad thing but it also felt less like a jesse quick story and more like a story where jesse quick was there, which, again, i think is just cause too much stuff was going on. still had fun w it.

INTERMISSION 2: Galaxy and Dreamer splash page: 10/10

WOOOO cheering forever. literally just read Galaxy last night and i LOVED it. never saw supergirl but Dreamer’s actress’s foreword was very nice so im a fan. they look very cute here together.

Finding Batman: 10/10

save the best for last. very touching and upsetting and real. glad for the more nonfiction stuff in this and im so glad that he was able to tell his story through dc. definitely deserves to be the most talked about part of the anthology and it is (other than homophobic damian).

[akatsukitrash]

Character shipping meme, Kakuzu 👀

Send me a character and I'll tell you :

My NOTP for them 

I don't think it's that popular anyway but, KakuDei. Also KakuIta and KakuFuu. Deidara and Itachi have known Kakuzu since they were teens, so it's just straight up gross and pedophilic. As for KakuFuu, we don't know much abt Fuu so she's basically a non character, and we don't know her age but she looks like a teenager, and Kakuzu is 92, so. No.

My BROTP for them

Akatsuki, of course. I genuinely enjoy the idea of Akatsuki members caring about each other and being a family, and there are hints in canon that Kakuzu cared and was fiercely loyal to them. In particular, I'm into Kakuzu/Deidara (although it'd be more of a mother/son thing), Kakuzu/Hidan, and Kakuzu/Sasori.

My OTP for them 

Kakuzu/Me and Kakuzu/My OC lmao. But otherwise, KakuKisa, for sure. I don't know what it is about this pairing, but I just find them very compatible. They are both very loyal individuals whose loyalty was used against them by their villages and then cast out, they both decided to fight against that by rebelling and murdering their respective leaders, and then joining the Akatsuki. They both look "different" and have some murderous urges, but also hide deep down their self-hatred. Kisame is also friendly and calm enough to be able to break down Kakuzu's walls, and Kakuzu is wise and experienced and could help Kisame see his own worth beyond being a weapon. I just can totally see Kisame making Kakuzu laugh, and force him to socialize even when he acts grumpy.

My second choice pairing for them 

Probably KakuTsu. It's very funny to think about the granddaughter of the man who caused Kakuzu's greatest life tragedy be the one who steals his heart (pun intended). Also the gambling addiction would drive him insane. Tsunade being Tsunade, she wouldn't let him walk over her or threaten her. I like to think that eventually, they'd open up to each other, and be able to see that beyond their bitterness and cynicism, they were both wronged by the system, and find some solace in each other. They'd probably make each other laugh with their similar dry humor. They both have super strength, are intellectuals, and Kakuzu has some medical knowledge, they could have deep conversations at night, borrow each other's books, and use Sasori's lab for experiments (without his permission, bc they both are Like That). But this will only be possible in an AU where Tsunade doesn't become the leader of a fascist war machine lmao. Also Shizune would be their adopted daughter.

My fluffy pairing for them

KakuKisa. These two are all the fluff. Kisame is so affectionate, he kickstarts Kakuzu's rusty caring nature. They're always cuddling, playing with each other's hair, showering together etc. Kakuzu leaves deep love quotes on post-its for Kisame to find, and Kisame cooks for Kakuzu and massages his back when he's upset. They also often pull pranks on the others, but the blame often falls on Tobi bc no one believes Kakuzu would participate in that and Kisame is good at hiding his tracks. They're basically the best friends turned lovers trope.

My angsty pairing for them 

Hmm, I don't rlly have one. I could see the angsty potential in KakuMada, if Kakuzu and Madara ever meet after Madara's "death" and bond over Hashirama wiping the floor with them (and their villages/clans betraying them ofc). It'll be bound to end in tragedy, because of Madara's fall to madness and inability to hear any plan other than IT. In an AU with no alien bs, there is a possibility it'd end happily, but it's small. It'll most likely be a codependant toxic depressed mess.

My favorite poly ship for them 

KakuKisaPein. Pein's always been very trusting of Kakuzu and canonically gives him special treatment, plus I like their "Kakuzu is the mom and Pein is the dad" dynamic with the Akatsuki. Kisame is probably compatible with most if not all of the Akatsuki. He's just this awesome.

My weirdest pairing for them

KakuTobi, as in Kakuzu/Tobirama. It's weird for obvious reasons, but done correctly, it could be very interesting. Their personalities are very compatible, if you think about it.

[bonetrousledbones]

i shouldnt have to get the temmie armor in order to get past muffet

i agree you really shouldn’t, especially since you can literally just skip the entire battle if you save a Spider Product from the ruins & eat it during muffet’s fight

[chattegeorgiana]

Hello! It's been yrs & I still feel totally disrespected by how Naruto declined after/during the Pein arc. I thinking everything including & before Jiraya's death was 👌, but after it just spiraled down like a bad fanfiction. Everyone's character suffered tremendously. Of the things I wished happened: 1) I wish Naruto made a personal mistake. He had protag protection that prevented him from his personal wrongs & flaws from having real damaging affects & consequences, like Sakura's confession. It made him a bit 1D & predictable (aside from god power ups w/ his reincarnated brother but who would have guessed that...). His personal growth felt lacking bc the story didnt show the flaws in his personality as real consequential flaws. 2) GOD I WISH OROCHIMARU RETURNED AS/REMAINED THE MAIN VILLIAN. Orochimaru was absolute top tier antagonist & was genuinely terrifying & unsettling. And, most importantly, he was bad almost just for the sake of being bad. They didnt try to soften him to the audience with an overtly tragic backstory (not that a tragic backstory SHOULD redeem his honestly autrocious crimes, esp in a shinobi world where tragic backstories are as common as weeds) & I just really, really appreciated that.

Ooh there's something else I rlly miss: 3) Intelligence in battles. Genin!Sakura & Shikamaru fights were my favorite to watch, even in filler movies, bc they utilized much more clever thinking. The Sasori fight was a great balance between intelligence & action & we see it again...never? I'm bitter about the missed genjutsu too but moreso what happened to my girl who worked her way through an impossible chunin exam test filled with college level questions requiring critical thinking, understanding & application of theorums, & proofs? & Even tho they were just filled movies from SP of all ppl, where's the girl who thought to lure a wolf beast woman to a natural (?) applifier so that her howl would cause the pillars to collapse on herself in Stone of Genele? And where's the girl who took a few seconds to calculate the flight pattern of an enemy snow ninja to such precision it was like she had clairvoyance in Clash in the Land of Snow? I KNOW studying medicine is HARD, those 7-12 of school required to be a medical practitioner are no joke. We know Sakura is intelligent, I wish we saw that intelligence & clever thinking used more often in a combative situation. Not just with Sakura fights, but in general. (2)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wholeheartedly agree with what you said! The only good thing about Naruto after the Pein arc is his mother’s arc. After that?

It’s sprinkled with good moments here and there, but the plot overall and its mechanics? An absolute mess! It defies its own logic and it becomes more fantasy than fantasy itself.

One thing that the story did wrong is like I said, being too fantasy. And when you’re writing a fantasy story, in order to not overbear the reader is recommended to add realism into it.

And that’s why Naruto was so successful back in part 1.

Because despite the fantasy lore he was built into, it brought a lot of realistic elements into it. Like you said, in Sakura and Shikamaru’s battles we had peak display of what truly meant to be a ninja: a combination of brains, techniques and body capabilities.

All those things went down the drain after the Pein arc and that’s where the story fell flat, sadly... And it’s a shame because it was what drew us all into it back in part 1.

The fact that even if they lived in a fantasy world, we had elements of realism that we could connect to. We had mechanics that made sense and functioned within the established rule, not outside them.

And about Orochimaru, OH MY GOD YES! For me he was the epitome of villain. I don’t see Pein as a villain, more like a political antagonist. But Orochimaru?

Orochimaru was pure evil and that is what I loved most about his character. Because in the real world that’s what happens with some people too: they are pure evil. They don’t care.

I get that Kishimoto wanted to explore the path that gets some people evil but like you said, at some point that shouldn’t even care. A sobbing story shouldn’t excuse your actions though?

And that’s a major problem this story had: accountability. It lacked a great deal in this department and gave people motives to excuse every shitty action of every villain. And that’s not ok.

We could’ve had medicine being explored from both povs: that of a mad scientist like Orochimaru and that of a normal doctor like Tsunade & Sakura.

But sadly we also missed that opportunity. We also missed the opportunity to see WHY it’s so hard to train a medical ninjas. Imagine the mechanics we could’ve had there.

The story just tells it to us, but never really shows it. Which is so sad.

But yeah, like I said, I wholeheartedly agree with you 100%. I think this is a subject we could talk for eternity lol.

But at the end of the day, they did it the way they did so eh, what can we do?

[lannisterdaddyissues]

HELLO MAR FOR THE FANDOM ASK GAME PLEASE DO THE BOYS

babe u always validate me SOOO much!!!! ily til the end of time <3

the first character i ever fell in love with: ANNIE <3 all i had to do was see her face and i was just so gone, i love everything about her

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: mmmm homelander :/ s1!homie was so good but s2!homie was pretty off the mark if you ask me

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: uhhh none really? there aren't many ships in the boys if any

my ultimate favorite character™: ooooooooooh this is a tough choice, and honestly i think it depends on what i'm feeling day to day, but i gotta go with frenchie. he's just the best.

prettiest character: mother's milk. fight me if u think im wrong.

my most hated character: the deep :/ he plain sucks lmao

my OTP: HUGHIE AND ANNIE, FRENCHIE AND KIMIKO!!!!! THOSE TWO COUPLES DESERVE ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD

my NOTP: homelander and stormfront :| that shit was toxic

favorite episode: idk the episode names but gotta be the nazi kitty stomp or the one where lamplighter joined the gang bc i rlly liked lamplighter tbh

saddest death: have i mentioned i liked lamplighter? his death was sad to me not in the way that i cried bc it was tragic, but in that i really expected the show to capitalize on the potential he had as a character. he was there one episode and the next he died like bro u dont just do that-

favorite season: season 1 probs

least favorite season: pretty sure there are only 2 seasons so do the math! (hint: it's season 2)

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: i dont hate him but why does everyone love black noir he doesnt even have a face wtf

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: A-TRAIN LMAO HES SUCH A BASTARD AND HES NOT REPENTANT IN ANY WAY BUT HEY ILL FORGIVE HIM BC HES FUNNY AS FUCK

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: hughie. oh god hughie. is there any answer other than hughie? he is too good for this vigilante stuff. he deserves to work in a cute little cafe with his cute little girlfriend and wear beanies and cozy sweaters. he does not deserve this. #helphughie2k21

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: uhhhhhhh gotta agree with u on butchie. its lowkey toxic but i can definitely see some Undertones there... also i know its dumb but i genuinely got invested in frenchie and lamplighter so yeah i wouldve shipped them if lamplighter hadnt done that thing where he set himself on fire and died

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: i guess maeve and elena bc they're not main characters, also bc they broke up in s2 and idk if elena is coming back lol... is that burying your gays??

[closetedotaku01]

i rlly hope youll keep writing after Kinktober, bc as a writer myself i see so much potential in your writing. it's already great, but it really reminds me of my own writing from a year or two back. i was the one who asked how long you've been writing & i've been writing fanfic for 7 years so its cool to see how good you already are. youre going to improve so much over time & i'm really excited to see it, you do so many things in your stories well & theyre only going to get better! (1/2)

THIS GOT SO LONG IM SORRY!!!

This.... I—. WARMED MY HEART!! Pick a name or emoji or whatever you want and you are an official anon!! Also this got long so.. READ MORE IF YA WANNA!!

Thank you so much for saying you see potential. Sometimes I’m really.... unhappy with my work and feel like I can’t improve and this just... MADE ME SO HAPPY!! Like... hearing it from someone who does write💜💜💜💜💜 makes my whole life.

I’m so excited to keep growing and I hope you stay for the journey because this is so sweet. Maybe casually come off anon way down the road (so I can’t guess) just so I can read some of your work too 👉👈. And no worries there will be more after Kinktober. I am really enjoying this and have no plans to stop writing any time soon.

~~~~

Okay so my favorite published authors are Jandy Nelson (I’ll Give You The Sun is a book I reread constantly. It’s my comfort book. I swear if my soul was anywhere besides my body, there’s a piece of it trapped in that book.), Fredrick Backman (specifically And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer), Brigid Kemmerer (literally all of the books she’s published with Bloomsbury I’ve read and adored), and Neal Schusterman (Specifically the Arc of a Scythe Trilogy). They all write in ways that affect me deeply and they mean a lot to me. I don’t necessarily try to emulate them, but they definitely are the authors I consult (by reading and rereading their works) to get ideas and to learn how to write.

~~~~

Fanfic authors. I think I’ve made it pretty damn clear on here that I am hopelessly in love with @imaginethathaikyuu (I’m still too scared to tag her I’m sorry) and her writing. She means the whole world to me in every way. Her writing always hits me in a MAGICAL way. Especially her newer pieces. Works of hers that hit hard for me are: (please note this list is not comprehensive. These are just the FIRST ONES that came to mind. All her work is objectively great.) 

-Tsukishima accidentally teases his s/o’s insecurity - this one holds my heart.

-Heated argument with Tsukishima - this is the angst I adore. Honestly, this might be one of my TOP TOP favorites, because it feels so real. 

-Morning sex with Tsukishima -just the line “theyre your tits!” That’s all. Brings me serotonin beyond words. And it feels so genuine and lovely. Again... she makes the world so real. Also in my TOP TOP favs. (Is my Tsukki love showing too much?)

-Helping you when you can’t sleep - This is beyond words beautiful

-Helping you study - PLEASE I NEED THIS NOW

-Tanaka finding out his s/o is pregnant - YES! SHE DOES TANAKA SO WELL

-Tanka asks Kiyoko to dance.... but she says no - SO WELL 

-Riding Headcanons -🙈

-S/O is nervous about him going down on her  -because who ISNT the first time?

-Learning about your self-harm scars -hits close to home and Iwa’s makes me cry every time.

-Akaashi making it up to you after a fight -my favorite color is literally purple 💜

-Bokuto’s s/o has a nightmare - I literally revisit this one whenever I have a nightmare

- Kinktober 2019 - ALL .... but the ones I revisit the most are Tsukishima’s, Oikawa’s, Futakuchi’s, Yaku’s, Iwa’s, Yamaguchi’s, and Matsukawa’s.

-Kinktober 2020 - please GOD read Kuroo’s, Mattsun’s, Iwa’s, Suna’s, and Atsumu’s. They’re all immaculate but those in PARTICULAR were MASTERPIECES.

-Having an angsty fight - particularly Kuroo’s GETS TO ME. Like... damn. Makes me... melt. Idek why. It’s just, again, how real she makes it feel. From the atmosphere and setting to the way the characters behave. A lot of times in “argument angst” (is that a term?) the arguments feel so shallow and stupid. And I’m like “on my moodiest days I wouldn’t react like that” or “Kuroo WOULD NEVER”. But these feel so real. Ughhhh.

-You give Kenma a gift mid-stream 

-Kenma gets turned on during a stream - can you tell I love the way she writes streamer Kenma 😌 also this is my fav nsfw-esque Kenma piece solely because it feels accurate to his character in a beautiful way despite me headcanoning that he’s ace.

-Oikawa’s s/o wakes up without him there

-Iwaizumi getting.... caught.... by Makki and Mattsun... with you  -Give Iwa More Love 2020

-Tendo teasing his s/o by ... taking care of himself - One of the first Em pieces I ever read. I don’t think it was THE first. But it was definitely the first one I read like... RIGHT AFTER she posted it.

-Tendo comforting s/o who’s parents yell - hits very close to home for me, and I just wanted him to come whisk me away the first time I read this

-7MIH with Tendo  -hehe I love this more than anything. Also Ushijima’s ONE line makes me CACKLE. I’m in love with this one

-This two part series with Atsumu (1) (2) -haha I reread these too often

-Kneel to Pray  (Sakusa) -I have not even one criticism or negative thought. Not one. And I’ve read this TOO many times.

-Tough boys are soft for you - two of the best boys

- Countdown to Christmas - Days 6,7,11, and 12 are the ones I reread the most

THIS IS SO BAD!! I WENT STRAIGHT TO THESE AND DIDN’T THINK IT WAS THAT MANY COS I REREAD THESE ONES REGULARLY. (And there’s a lot more theatre good. Please explore her blog! It’s WONDERFUL) Sorry for spending too much time on Em’s blog, but also.... not sorry cos she’s amazing and all of these pieces inspire me.  I’ll try to be fast for the rest of these ahfihfadsfsjfh.

 @star-puff (catch a theme of me being scared of talented authors)’s piece La Lune and her Fleur d’Amour event (search #fleur d’amour on her blog) are so creative and beautiful and truly show how talented she is. She’s amazing. EDIT: I’m adding this as soon as I’ve read it because it just made me cry. Omg. Read this. Tsukishima royalty AU it is angst though so 👀 read at your own risk. EDIT: On GOD Meg could murder me and I’d say thanks. Please read this beautiful time stamp shit it makes me HAPPY. 

UPDATE: And Meg is now responsible for the most canon Tsukki piece I’ve ever read. 

There’s a cute SMAU called Sunshine by @pudding-head-kenma and idk how she does it. It’s so good. I could never tell a story this complex, THIS WELL, using only text messages and tweets and such. She also does mini headcanons that are REALLY cute.

Anything and everything by @haik-choo is gold. Literal gold. The way she writes Tsukishima is IMMACULATE. Toxic headcanons, mischaracterizations all of its gold. And she’s a beautiful shitposter. She drops shit that makes me CACKLE at the most random times. All of it is a big yes for me.

UPDATE: this is gold.

Of course I’ve read In Another Life and OF COURSE I sobbed. Took me AN HOUR to read because I kept having to take breaks to just.... sob. VERY MUCH A HEAVY DUTY ANGST. Not for the weak of heart. BokuAka. This is probably the oldest piece I’ve read that still HITS for me. 

There are other pieces but I can’t remember them.... probably will come back and add to this post later.

Thank you for this ask. Thank you for being so kind and inspiring. I was kinda worried about releasing anything I’ve ever written and still get nervous sometimes so this ask makes me feel a hell of a lot better and makes me feel like I’m joining a WONDERFUL community like... Look at all that talent ^^^^.

[y01te-moved]

igneous and/or corona for character ask ?

i am doing both bc Fuck Yeah but ofc under the cut bc of that bc this is kind of Very needlessly long even w/me omitting a section for both of them.,

Igneous:-favorite thing about them: this is. Difficult bc i do actually like a majority of the things about him but ig to keep it simple i will just say his design is good albeit tacky (tho thats why its good tbh..) also the fact that hes a knight is umm.😳

-least favorite thing about them: genuinely dislike if not hate how they wrote him for pretty much all of the nuuma arc cause they had no business suddenly reducing him to just making an unnecessary amt of failed attempts at romance when that was only just barely a part of his character beforehand, but more specifically any of the scenes hes in in ep 36 just downright fucking suck and Thats On That, (sadly)

-favorite line: i do not have a specific line for this but anyways near the start of like, i think its ep 24 or somewhere in that area, after he and hunter finished a round against each other and then like right after that he goes to the side and starts talking to magma abt how they both think hunter has been coming along very well lately in his training and are generally proud of him? that was a very good scene……

-brOTP: this also has an honorable mention for being the otp response but im not rlly as personally invested in it but anyways. igneous/slate dynamic good which is kind of the obvious response but. what else am i supposed to say its just straight up canon ajgsdjahdkj.

-OTP: im sure this goes w/out saying considering who we r talking to but anyways him and magma r boyfriends thats the rules

-nOTP: in an ideal world i wouldn’t have to say anything here bc people would just be normal and not come up with anything weird but ill take this moment to say if you’ve ever thought pairing him w/hunter would be a good idea i can and i will strangle you. like it should be really obvious why thats awful And Yet thats a concept ive had the misfortune of seeing multiple times.

-random headcanon: he usually would not bc he takes training very seriously BUT he Could hold side conversations and the likes while still being perfectly capable in a fight and every now and then does so w/someone else there just to flex on hunter. also hes the like 1 person that would have a genuinely hard time grasping concepts that are specific to the outer world/surface. hunter would try to tell everyone what a car is and he’d have an immediate crisis

-unpopular opinion: honestly this is just a repeat of the notp response, thats the only thing ive seen from ppl that i just. do not like at all because. yea…

-favorite picture of them: technically i have 2 but one of them is already my icon as of rn n i dont need to b redundant so!

Corona:-favorite thing about them: this is very generic perhapse but i will say that i think with the handful of alt outfits she gets throughout the eps for various reasons are always so good i appreciate them so much… we stan a fashion icon

-least favorite thing about them: do not appreciate the running gag about her cooking bc its like “haha lol look at this beautiful girl she seems so perfect but oh she can’t cook well!!” like for starters even if it wasnt cooking i just think she deserves to be able to feel passionate about something without it falling apart n having it b smth she can still be made to feel bad about and also it is just not very respectful to women in general and again she deserves better than that.

-favorite line: edited the parts of this line together Very quickly so it looks a little odd BUT

this specific part still rlly hits different especially with the specific word choices…. thank u ms corona spider riders for saying trans rights..

-brOTP: i think she also has a v good dynamic w/magma actually even if its not like super obvious and all that but they r just genuinely supportive of each other and that is very epic.. incredible display of mlm/wlw solidarity

-OTP: honestly kind of have mixed feelings on sexuality hcs for her which would kind of make or break this but i will say i do think she has a much better dynamic w/hunter in general and thus also on a romantic note so that is something..

-nOTP: cant say i have any bc i havent rlly seen any that strike me as just downright bad thankfully.

-random headcanon: postcanon her and aqune are no longer two queens pitted against each other and would probably hang out p often generally speaking which is where, on top of well, yknow, trying to catch up on the like many years they many years they were separated, aqune would help her pick up better cooking skills and she would help aqune in experimenting more w/fashion on occasion. or generally just those sort of things bc those examples r not the most inch resting but ive already made the answer to this ask wayy too long i think so the point remains.. kjfdlkf

-unpopular opinion: its not rlly debated anyways n i think they do handle it fairly well for the most part but if i had to say one thing i do kinda wish they had given slightly more focus on her and dealing with what her past was and slightly less focus on making her a love interest cause like.. one of those things is kind of a lot more important to the core concepts of the show/plot and it is not the romance.

-favorite picture of them:

[puppyenergy]

💕 Undertales

pete i owe u my life

*proceeds to write a fucking essay on why i love every single character in undertale*

i love all the characters in undertale. i just love how real they are. how real their motives feel. and how those motives don’t always have to be like “i wanna free everyone” how those motives can be flawed or how those motives can be as simple and genuine as “a lady i don’t know asked me to protect you and i’m honoring that because she likes my knock knock jokes” and how each character is connected in some way, they just feel so natural and real and alive and it brings their world to life as well.

and i also adore the fact that you can’t get to the true ending of the game until you meet and befriend every single one of these characters. it’s the fact that your bond with them is what incites all of these characters to save you. and it’s the fact that they end up being what pushes you onwards, to save them, and save everyone as well.

undertale could’ve just been a game where monsters are trapped underground and you free them someway somehow, but it’s just. so much more than that.

anyways here’s just a few reasons why i love every one of undertale’s characters in no specific order:

alphys

in all honesty, i rlly appreciate alphys’s character. for most of the neutral run, the person you’re getting to know isn’t actually the true alphys. and u end up finding out she was lying to u the whole time, using mettaton to help her fabricate this narrative. it’s so SO fitting that alphys is the one u have to go back for to get the true ending. u end up seeing her tear that persona down bc she wants to better herself. and u end up seeing her admit to her mistakes, and change, and do better. and it’s just, so healthy to see an adult character with all these insecurities who’s avoiding her mistakes actually improve herself.

sans

sans is rlly a wholesome character. it’s so clear that he genuinely cares about everyone in the underground. i mean, look at what happens when u go to grillbyz with him! everyone knows and loves him! he sells hot dogs at his sentry station to monsters, he does stand up comedy at the hotel to keep everybody happy, he starts a fucking pretend concert when ur jamming out with shyren. his entire motivation for not killing frisk the second they left the ruins is bc someone he didn’t even kno asked him not to and “someone who genuinely likes knock knock jokes has an integrity* u just can’t say no to” i’m CRYING. and it’s clear that he’s not the happiest skeleton in the world, all the jokes & puns aside. he had to give up on his past experiments and thusly had to give up on “going home.” dude is stuck in a place he doesn’t belong but he’s doing his best to make his little brother & everyone else around him happy, all while protecting frisk. jeez????

*i also love this line bc both sans & papyrus can turn ur soul blue and the blue soul is integrity.

papyrus

papyrus is also a great character and i’m not just saying that bc he has some of the best lines in the game. also his battle is so fun. it’s the first battle in the game where ur heart turns a different color. this skeleton BELIEVES in u. he believes that everybody is capable of being a good person. i love how he comes out of the gate boasting about how he’s going to capture you and become part of the royal guard but he ends up wanting to be ur friend instead. bc despite how many times he calls himself great, deep down he’s insecure and just wants a cool friend who thinks he’s also cool. yet he still has these great messages about boundaries and how it’s important to have many friends and not just cling to one person. tbh i think that’s one of the best messages papyrus gives, besides the fact that anyone can be a good person. i also love how he lives to not only uplift himself but others as well………

undyne

man i fucking ove undyne’s PERSONALITY, like, the moment i fell in love with her was when she was standing atop the cave and was like “first let me tell u the history of our people………ACTUALLY, U KNO WHAT? SCREW THIS! WHY SHOULD I TELL U WHEN UR ABOUT TO DIE” and there’s just all these close up shots of her face and her theme song is blaring and she like, whips off her helmet and u see her face for the first time but it’s this dramatic shot of her standing on top of a fucking mountain its so ANIME AKLGHDKSLHGDSH. both her battle & her hang out are probably my favorites in the entire game. ITS JUST SO FUNNY LIKE. “undyne clenches her fist and shakes her head.” “undyne thinks about her friends and pounds the ground with her fist.” “undyne suplexes a boulder just because she can.” AND THE DYNAMIC OF HAVING TO RUN AWAY FROM HER AND SHE CHASES AFTER U BUT UR JUST WALKING THE ENTIRE TIME AND SHE FUCKING STOPS WHEN U GET A PHONECALL AND PAPYRUS IS LIKE, in the middle of undyne chasing frisk down to kill them, “hey human! let’s hang out with undyne later!” AND THEN RESUMES CHASING U AFTER UR DONE. she gets too hot in hotland and passes out, but if u give her water then she just. goes home. without saying a word. bc even tho she has been consistently trying to kill u, and u could’ve just left her there, u HELPED her. up till that point she was convinced u were faking kindness. but after that, she realizes ur not a bad person and leaves bc she can’t kill someone who’s not a bad person. her soul mode is literally the color of kindness. i can go on and on, how obvious and cute her crush on alphys is, alluding to how she literally just keeps soda at her place even tho she hates it bc she knows alphys likes it and won’t let u drink it bc that’s for her crush omg. how she teaches papyrus how to cook bc she doesn’t want to tell him that he’s not fit for the royal guard. how much she admires asgore and goes as far to say frisk reminds her of him bc they’re both so kind. and god everything she says after alphys confesses to her that she’s been lying about everything undyne is so FULL OF LOVE FOR HER FRIENDS

HOLY FUCK I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT WHAT UNDYNE DOES IN NO MERCY TOO I’M SCREAMING

THERE’S A REASON WHY THE NARRATION IS SO DIFFERENT DURING HER NO MERCY BATTLE AND WHY NARRATOR CHARA ADMIRES UNDYNE AND THINKS SHE’S THE BEST CHARACTER IN UNDERTALE AND THAT’S BECAUSE SHE IS

(i have a theory that chara, during no mercy, thinks that undyne has the best chance of stopping u which is why they get so excited when she arrives and so upset when she loses. i also just think chara and undyne are rlly similar too, in like. so many ways. also ik i’m going off on like 3 different tangents i’m so sorry to anyone who’s reading this i just get rlly excited about undertale.)

mettaton

mettaton is probably close second for my favorite battle. i honestly love his character and how it never rlly hits u how the whole “evil human killing robot” facade was so obvious until u play again. he’s obvious trying to do what he loves, entertaining people, while being saddled with this task to pretend he’s an evil robot trying to kill you. the reveal that he’s actually a ghost inside a robot is even more like a punch in the gut bc u realize that…alphys never made him. she made him a body, sure, but not him. i rlly like watching let’s players react to his battle bc of what he says towards the end, about how humans have so many actors and entertainers, but monsters only have him. and how much life and happiness he brings to the underground, and how he would leave a gaping void if he were to leave. it’s rlly sweet to see let’s players connect with that moment imho. i also love how he returns home to visit his cousin after their phone call.

also death by glamour…objectively sexiest undertale song

napstablook

speaking of mettaton’s cousin, napstablook is so sweet. ik this post is getting massively long but it wouldn’t feel complete without them. honestly, the fact that after mettaton left, they wanted to start getting to know their other neighbor (undyne) but was too intimidated to talk so they started making her a mixtape which is just a bunch of dudes screaming their signature wrestling moves is so fucking adorable and hilarious. also the fact that they just straight up avoid the apocalypse by not answering when it knocked on their door.

toriel

toriel……..is my mom. enough said.

ok no i lied not enough said. dude how heart breaking was it learning that all the kids she tried to protect in the past ended up leaving her and getting killed by her fucking ex-husband’s order?? hello???? and that she was so desperate to not lose another child that she was going to destroy the exit to the ruins, which would mean she would never be able to hear another knock knock joke from her only fucking friend (sans), and she would just be stuck in the ruins forever bc she’s goddamn immortal. i’m gonna CRY.

asgore

i like how asgore is written, i don’t like his actions tho. i definitely love all the build up to him, the parallels, how he’s always painted as a nice guy and every character tells u to talk to him, but the second u get to him he destroys ur mercy button and ur left with no choice but to fight him or get killed. new home & onwards is when undertale’s storytelling is at its strongest, is what i personally think. asgore definitely plays a part in that.

flowey & asriel

flowey & asriel are such complicated characters idek if i can summarize what i think about them but i guess all i’ll say is i’m just happy with how undertale treated the both of them.

frisk

me when it’s revealed that they’re their own person and not the player or chara

chara

ok finally on to the character who, if i had to pick one to be my favorite, would claim that spot.

i will admit. i am a big chara stan. :pensive: i personally think they’re the most relatable and interesting character in undertale. i also hate how they’ve been treated by the fandom, like they’re evil. i think it’s undeniable that they are the narrator in all paths in the game. they are woken up by frisk’s determination, after all!

of course, with the true ending, u help their brother gain closure on losing them, proving both chara & asriel that the idea of “kill or be killed” is wrong, and then helping them finish the plan that they both failed- destroying the barrier and freeing the monsters. then flowey encourages chara (and indirectly, the player) to not reset and to let frisk live their life, which chara does, unless the player decides to start a new game.

the one thing i just rlly like about chara tho is that they’re always encouraging u, making all these silly puns, jokes, quips, providing advice and tips on how to spare monsters- like they r rlly invested in helping frisk. it’s clear they’re a good person. they knew almost every monster in the underground. they’re incredibly smart. they’re a big fucking nerd and into anime. they liked gardening to the point of having a gardening knife specifically for cutting plants. they cared about their family so much that they had bff necklaces with their brother, they knitted a sweater for their dad, they loved their mom so much they talk like her. but they’re not a flawless character. they’re coded as a mentally ill abuse victim. they hated humanity, they ran away to a place where people are said to never return. when they messed up, they got so upset that they laughed to cope. they’re flawed, but their brother idolized them so much. and on top of this all they had this pressure on their shoulders that they were “the future of humans and monsters.”

but their plan failed, and it was either kill or be killed by the humans attacking them. and u all kno how that ended. :(

i guess in a way that’s kinda why i think chara and undyne are rlly similar. they’re both incredibly determined, they both wanted to free the people they cared about, they both had a loved one who didn’t want to hurt people, they both shouldered this huge responsibility, and they both would not hesitate to hold ur ass responsible if u ended up doing some awful shit.

✌️

SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG OMG this is my only excuse

[leorjo]

thoughts on the signs?

WOOO OKAY HERE WE GO

taurus - i know way too many :/ very messy, i love the taurusphobia + jokes abt them being boring bc its true, super materialistic like terrible at managing money its so sad..... ive gotten along well w any taurus ive met tho but theres always shit abt them that makes me mad LHDSFKDF

gemini - not as bad as everyone says they are!!! they can get pretty shitty in some situations which makes the gemini hatred go arnd but theyre super funny LKSHDF ive had a bad experience w a gemini but i dont like to think abt her smh ... other geminis r sexy and fine 

cancer - honestly just kind of a meh sign theyre not super memorable theyre just kinda there but the one cancer ik irl is very demanding and can be super bitchy like its super annoying honestly SLKDHFSF

leo - super sexy but im biased 😳we have our gripes obvsly like were rlly bossy and hate when shit goes our way and ik this from experience as a leo and my dad being a leo like one of us always has to prove were right LOL but like!! were super out there and loving and rlly easy people to get along with

virgo - ok just like ... annoying as hell SLDKFF i have an irl whos a virgo and sometimes she just says annoying shit like stuff thats genuinely annoying but also unnecessarily rude like shit thats more sensitive material but also they also say everything they think which is like ~ooo ppl are just sensitive they cant take criticism~ but like shit thats genuinely hurtful -_-

libra - Ok . i get along with libras SO well . so well . but ive had rlly bad experiences with libras and just . WHY DO U GUYS HAVE TO LIE ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME ... literally they lie about everything to make themselves look better and theyre terrible at lying . they can be very guilt trippy and very demanding for things and its super annoying

scorpio - i think theyre snakes LKHDLFSDFH ive just had annoying experiences w scorpios and they also just have argue abt shit

sagittarius - MAYBE IM BIASED BC ELI KIHBA IS A SAG BUT I LOVE THEM .... i get along with sags SO well like leos and sags are just incredibly compatible so thats why i love them sm LOL and there are a few rlly bitchy sags out there but idk theres just somethin abt them theyre very chilled for a fire sign and like u just have to get to know the sag to be able to move past the closed-offness w them? and then its just very good after that 

capricorn - my favorite earth sign!!!!!! i rlly like caps theyre not as bad as taurus and virgos imo theyre very funny and chill like theyre like cancers w the no one rlly gives a shit about them theyre pretty high on my list of favs

aquarius - okay i love aquarius ....... i think the sign is just so sexy like i get along with them well and i dont know a shit ton abt them and who they are besides the fact they r more emotionally unavailable but i like them a lot

pisces - man FUCK pisces . the literal worst sign out of them all like i dont know anyone that actually likes them LKSFSHDF i have never had a good pisces experience like theyre all guilt trippy, always looking for a fight regardless of who the person is to them, incredibly needy and demanding emotionally but like not in a good way and then that turns into not giving a shit abt other ppl

aries - okay aries are good but like ... they stress me out LOL like ok my moms an aries but shes not as . wild as the rest of aries are like i love them but just the impulsive and reckless nature rlly kills me and stresses me out LKDSHFHSDF

ask me for my thoughts on things

[rbbtrd]

I Love Healing

i wrote this when i was tryin to vent but i have no idea how to fuckin vent so instead i. tried to write out healings entire bg lmao a lot of brain stuff was goin on so it might not b. the best piece of literature uve ever read

some misc facts and other htings might b missing bc (points at how fucked my brain was and also how fuckin VAST healings character is and how much development he has)

//warnin theres kinda crass and sensitive language or whatever and there will b mentions of diff kinds of abuse in his story and other not good things under cut so my bad but i wasnt in a good state of mind and tryin to tag n warn u abt it all is skjncfdvav plus this was a vent post for me originally anyways lmao

//another warning lmao under the cut is a Wall Of Text there is a LOT of stuff under cut like 6000+ words so like. warned ya my pals

healing is my favorite fuckin oc and p much. why i fuckin stay alive sknfsef he means so so much to me and has so much meaning to me and is very very very very very very very important to me i fucking Love healing okay i project a lot (i.e All Of Myself) onto healing so he is p much almost quite literally me and vice versa but also not rlly??? its weird and complicated lmao i Love this man tho no one will ever love him more than i do i will fuckin Fight you hes so improtant to me

he is 57 yrs old, his birthday is march 17 but also dec 5th (its complicated) but mostly march 17, his favorite color is red not only bc im projecting but his first loves fav color was also red, he is 5″7 ft tall, hes very silly and kooky and tries his best to become happy and heal and learn and atone for what hes done and expereinced, he LOVES the sea and the ocean and anything relating them like the sea/ocean is very very very important to him for multiple reasons, also loves rabbits and goats and has 2 pet goats (i like to call em his service animals lol)

healing was born to both pure blood tiefling parents, his mother was a servant/slave that belonged on a ship and his father basically just knocked her up, he never met or knew anything about his father other than that he was a tiefling and misc stuff his mom/other servants had told him. his dad is mordecai ahkrah and hes chaotic evil and genuinely a very fucking awful person, his mom is ariarei kallies and is just?? kinda a chatoic neutral, maybe more of a lawful evil, but she has a very bad selfish personality and nasty. she holds no maternal feelings for healing and only sees him as a nuisance and only takes care of him (taking care of him means. The Bare Minimum. i.e- makin sure hes just Not Dead) bc she has to and kinda forcced to. healing does not see ariarei as his mother, but “as the woman who birthed me / brought me into this world” and stuff like that and therefore holds no feelings towards her like a child would w their mother, over the years, healing considers the ocean/sea as his mother more than ariarei and is more emotionally connected to the sea

 healings mom actually never named him, he was nameless/had no name up until the age of 27-28. both his mom and the owners of the ship and whoever hired him always only ever called him “boy”, “child”, “it”, “thing”, “errand boy”, “chore boy”, and names like that bc he never had a name and no one bothered to give him one. both his mom and the owners/ppl who hired him treated him very very poorly and did abuse him frequently in many different ways and manners (lmao projects myself onto my oc) so he has a lot of feelings and experiences w lots of kinds of traumas and abuse

he most specifically received a lot of physical abuse especially from ppl and verbal abuse, some but not too much emotional abuse, and also a handful of sexual abuse. at the time, he thought it was fine and normal and did not realized he was being abused bc “this is just how life is” bc he had literally. never heard of or experienced anything else other than a shit life.

he didnt rlly think anything of the poor treatment or the abuse bc this was all he ever knew, he grew up this way, so he thought it was normal and thought everyone didnt feel anything and if they did OF COURSE theyd b negative feelings, bc thats all u (healing at the time) r capable of feeling. he doesnt get out of this mentality until hes around 18-22

he receives a handful of scars and marks from his time as a servant, he got his first scar when he was a literal Baby bc he was cryin out and his ma got mad and upset abt and scratched his face thus resulting in his lip scar. when he was like 5-7 he met this other servant kid who had The Very Opposite mindset he had and was v bright and optimistic and he dragged healing along when he played and he broke smth and healing took the cover not bc he wanted to save this kid but bc it would be less troublesome bc then the current owner would only have to punish 1 child and the other kid was well liked on the ship unlike healing so then the morale of the servants wouldnt be affected. the owner beat him up p bad but it Wasnt Enough so he smashed healings face into the wooden boards so hard it Broke The Board and also broke his right horn, this also gave his scarring above his brow and stuff up to the broken horn. another prominent scar he has that holds memory to him is the scar on his chest above his heart, where he got that from a case where he was sexually abused and his abuser threatened to tear out his heart if he kept bein a brat. he has NO SCARS on his tail tho, but thats literally bc up until he was w morgan, he was just Lucky in not havin his tail injured. from the time he met morgan and beyond, he then started to actively protect his tail from harm and from ppl touchin it bc morgan said he rlly liked his tail and how it looked and how cool it was and from then on hes liek Oh

he constantly worked when he was of age to and started w small things and worked up to doin manual labor and other things, he only stayed w his mom up until the age of 11-12, after that they were separately sold to different ships and never saw eaqch other again. from that point on, he was switched around a few different ships and buyers, but was otherwise was still  just treated as cargo and property like he had been the past few years. 

the ship he was on at the age of 17 was stopped and liberated by a man named morgan wake (also can be written as morgain), a  human sailor captain (some kind of good, leanin on neutral or chaotic) who specializes in trade, cargo, and just transportation, but also will sell his abilities to fight/go into war or battle and liberates slave ships on his free time lol morgan becomes a Very Very Very important person to healing and is ESSENTIAL to shaping healing into who he is now. healing slowly falls in love with morgan over the years, but never tells morgan abt these feelins bc 1) he doesnt kno what the FUCk hes feelin lmao this boy has only experienced negative emotions and feelings up until he met morgan and 2) he thinks morgan will think hes weird or wrong or gross or smth. healing had absolutealy NO PLACE and NO ONE to go to after he was liberated so morgan saw this and was like Hey. You Should Come Work Under Me For MY Ship. morgan is a BIG BIG BIG guy on justice and equality and stuff for ALL PEOPLE and EVERYONE so this is also a reason why he let healing onto his ship of mostly humans and half-elves and halflings and also this part abt morgan rubs off on healing so healing also becomes a big guy on justice and equality and stuff

the ship morgan owns is a Lil prejudiced againt tieflings so they arent jumpin for joy when morgan makes healing his first mate at the age of 19 bc theyre. Gently Racist over tieflings but morgan kicks their ass and makes healing his first mate and right hand man anyways. at this point, healing is still nameless bc morgan tells him “i cant give you a name, a name is really important, its your identity and what makes you YOU, its ur soul and ur dreams and ur hopes, its YOU, you hear a name and u think of that person etc etc etc” and rlly cheesy stuff like that pertaining to names so morgan is Vehemently against naming healing and instead calls him “buddy”, “pal”, “friend”, “best friend”,  “first mate”, “mate”, and other various nicknames made over the years. he was very adamant on having healing name himself and refused to call him by a name that someone else gave him bc healing told him abt his mom and how he said that his mom wasnt rlly a mother in the first place

morgan knows Everything abt healing and healing w him vice versa bc when they first met and healing was still in his Uhm Nothing Matters Ill Tell You Everything mindset, he told morgan the story abt all his scars and what has happened to him up until that point and what people have done to him. morgan is truly very genuinely heartbroken over this?? bc healing was just Born into this world of shit and awful things that he didnt deserve and also the fact that healing just spoke of his abuse so freely and casually as if it meant nothing and didnt matter and healings view on his own life and life in general due to how he has lived so far and morgan makes it his personal mission to help healing grow out of this and start to become more Alive and less :| and :/ abt life 

morgan becomes very important for and to healing bc like. he literally taught healing Emotions and how amazing and happy and good life can be. morgan taught healing how to Be Alive and Want To Be Alive and how to Feel. before when he was a servant, he was literally just a Shell and genuinely thought life was Supposed to just be inherently shitty and ur suposed to always expereince bad htings and ALWAYS feel ONLY bad negative emotions and feelings.he thought that if he died, it wouldnt matter AT ALL bc he would easily b replaced by another servant and his life had literally no meaning and he genuinely thought he would die before the age of 20 and he was Okay with that he thought it was fine he thought it was okay to not expect to live past 20-25 and etc etc etc. 

when he saved healing, morgain was already quite old-ish?? he was 30 yrs old when healing (at the time, age 17) met him. healnig didnt rlly start to fall in love until around age 19 just some time b4 morgan made him first mate. over the years that healing is on morgans ship, he becomes who he is bc of morgan and  he learns things abt himself and who he is and builds himself bc of morgan and he becomes who healing is in these very moments that he spends with morgan and rightly falls in love because of it bc morgan Saved Him from so many things. morgan took an empty husk and shell of a man that had Began as empty and put smth in it. he had breathed life into an empty bag and made music, he had taken a broken branch and carved a nice ass figure. morgan took something with nothing and gave him Everything.  healing has such a strong connection and attachment to morgan yall cant even begin to understsand it. Runs So Deep in healing, this lov and feeling and attachment he has to morgan

morgan also rlly rlly rlly Rlly likes and appreciates healing and actually also loves healing in the same way, but doesnt tell healing for the same reasons why healing wont tell morgan. they spend the next 10 yrs basically unknowingly pining over each other bc theyre too fuckin afraid to tell each other bc they think the other is gonna b homophobic and its Awful. but also like. sailors back in the day were Rlly Gay so healing and morgan have had their fair share of mutual masturbation and Very Gay Activities w each other bu they were never in the context of romance or in a relationship beyond like. Rlly Rlly Good Best Friends lmao like sex friends but better??

bc healing. was never fuckin educated lmao he doesnt kno how to read or write. over the years he spends with morgan, he BARELY understand the alphabet tbh. he can like,,,,,, understand certain words but he doesnt recognize those words as words they register kinda like symbols in his head. numbers r even WORSE for healing lmao. like he understands map terms north, east, west, south, map, longitude/latitude, etc etc but he recognizes the words as like pictures or symbols in his head that relate to object or meaning or smth, kinda how u see a lil pic of a tree and u recognize it as a tree, thats him w words. healing was morgans first mate and co-captain for 10 years, he often went with morgan to negotiations and business meetings and trades and etc etc etc healing is VERY good w his words bc of this and is actually rlly smart and intelligent and wise. he just cant read or write lol. he has a +0 intelligence on his sheet but a +3 wisdom

healing lives the next 10 yrs of his life after being liberated at the age of 17 to 27 w morgan and his ship and his crew and hes enjoying himself and livin it to the fullest and hes happy and its so good and all is well, but also keep in mind that healing, through out all of these 10 yrs, has STILL not have a name for himself yet. BUT morgan HAS given healing a seashell necklace as well as his ear piercings. he wears these items everyday and they hold like. a lot of emotional important and support for him

but then morgan dies LMAO morgan dies at the age of 40 when healing is 27 and he dies from both sickness from old age (bc sailors back then. died p early skdjfnwsndv) and also from an injury wound he had gotten when in battle earlier that month. morgans death strikes his crew very harshly but without a doubt everyone on the ship agreed that healing was the MOST hurt and affected and shaken from morgans death. morgans last words and also his will states that he wanted healing to become the new captain of the ship. healing doesnt rlly become the new captain bc hes too busy mourning over his death for the next yr.

morgan and healing NEVER tell each other abt their feelings for one another, so morgan dies with this regret of never saying anything and healing lives with the regret of never saying anything before he died. this plays into how healing chose his name

after his mourning and grieving period he starts to slowly collect himself and in this period of time, this is where he finally chooses his name. he thinks abt how morgan was never able to call him by a proper name despite how important names were to morgan, so as hes starting to heal from his death, he picks his own name for himself. he debated on choosing his name as love, bc he loved morgan but never told him despite the fact that morgan quite literally taught him how to love. but he decides on the name healing bc he also thought abt how morgan said how he wanted to help healing start to mend and heal from all the trauma and abuse hes been through and healing sort of just shoved love into that process of healing, therefore That Is His Name Now. his name is now like. an important memoir of morgan as well as like. His Name. his name now holds a very hefty important weight and meaning to him now.

when morgan dies, he makes a lot of vows to himself like how hell never love someone again and how he would keep up morgans work and how he would keep morgans policy of justice and equality and how he would never treat people the way he was treated as a servant and how he would never hurt someone on purpose. after morgans death, he starts to like. hoard items he thinks morgan would have liked and then eventually this just turns from “hoarding for morgan” to “depression coping hoarding” and he just hoards things he thinks has some use or worth of value (which is like. Everything lmao so he never throws stuff away)

the ship crew are not All That Happy that healing is their new captain, but they really did intensely respect and appreciated morgan both as a captain and an individual so they abide by his will and last words and let healing be captain despite the fact that they thought hed b bad at it. but Surprise Surprise healing is actually rlly rlly good at being a captain bc he spent 10 yrs by morgans side and he knows how to do everything rlly well and the crew r kind of surprised and apologize for sterotypin him and for being so prejudiced and not trustin him and etc etc etc and healing is happy for another long while bc now he has like?? a family?? this crew was now his family and he loved everyone on this ship and they loved him?? he was Rlly Good at what he did bc he took over morgans work of trade and also liberating ships and sellin his time to fight for ppl and he was super close to his crew and they grew closer over the yrs and they give him a seashell bracelet similar to how morgan gave him the necklace and earrings so now healing has like. a physical object to associate his emotional relationship and feelings and shit to like he did for morgan w the necklace and earrings

but ofc knowin me its time to Fuck Him Over Again lmao over the yrs while hes in his 30s hes gets like. Rlly Rlly Rlly well known for his deeds and his work and actions so he gets super popular and he has. A Lotta Sex and is Very Well Known for sex and also his dick lol and also sometimes got into. not so hot relationships. at current time right now, age of 57, healing has 5 children he isnt aware of bc he left the other person before they even Knew they were pregnant. he was rlly good with not letting his partner get pregnant but accidents happen lmao sometimes he let the fame and popularity get to his head so he was kind of a Cocky Narcissistic Dick sometimes 

a total of 5 times during his 30s he got himself into. very bad toxic abusive manipulative relationships. these 5 people were all very similar in what they did to healing and how they did it to him. in each of these 5 cases, both healing and his crew reacted the same. when u hang out w manipulative bad ppl, u kinda become manipulative and bad urself, and thats what happened w healing and his crew. these 5 ppl preyed on the fact that healing was emotionally very weak and vulnerable to romantic affection and intimacy and how he had a Rlly Rlly Big Fear of losing people he loved or cared about. they made him care abt them and threatened to leave him if he didnt do what they wanted, as well as abuse him in other different manners physically, emotionally (BIG TIME emotional abuse), verbally, and mentally. during the itme he was in these relationships w these ppl, healing was very much not like his usual self, hes a chatoic neutral but when w theswe ppl he was like?? lawful evil?? true evil?? he became Rlly Bad and did Rlly Bad things that, now in current day time he regrets deeply and feels.

when he was in these relationships, they made him break a lot of the vows he took when morgan died or else theyd do smth to him or to themself ot to his crew or smth like that and it haunts him to this very day abt how he could have done those things to those people despite the fact that the same was done to him and how he NEVER wanted to do that to other people. it dredges bad things up in his memories and in his heart and he has nightmares abt both his traumas and abuse as well as the traumas and abuse hes made others go through.  these people hurt him very deeply in his 30s and scarred him emotionally and mentally more intensely than the people that mistreated him when he was a servant

his 30s was a. Rollercoaster tbh. he went thru very intense and frequent highs and lows bc the time when he was with these people they were his Very Very Low Lows and when he wasnt with them and just doing his job w his crew and livin life he was very happy and his life took on a Very Good High. as he got a lil older at the age of 37 he was doing good and it was a high during his lifetime and that point and when he was 37 he was actually on his ship hunting down a bandit/pirate ship bc someone had bought his ships and effort to help them track down this ship

he has a lot of adventures in his 30s and goes thru so many things and and thru so many situations and so many people and encountered just. A Lot Of Stuff in General. hes experienced probs like. 2 lifetime of experiences and shit by the age of 37 lmao but he wouldnt trade any of these experiences, good or bad, for ANYTHING in the world

but sadly (bc i love makin his life so full of angst) as hes chasing this ship, a Rlly Big Storm comes by and fuckin. WRECKS his ship. absolutely obliterates it. it catches fire and tons of his crew members r jumpin off and panicking and the ship is falling apart and hes so AAAAAAAAAAAAA rn. in the future, the imagery of a sunken or turned up or just in general not normal 100% functioning ship is very unsettling to him and triggers this rlly bad memory. also Rlly Rlly Rlly BIG BIG fires unsettle him very badly and makes him Extremely Uncomfortable but it doesnt rlly trigger this bad memory as much as broken ships do

healing is knocked from the ship and passed out and when he awakes hes on the shore with the remains of wood from his ship along the shore and he is. absolutely broken. he lost his Whole Family in one night and yet he was the one who didnt die?? he assumes everyone on his crew ship died (even tho some survived but he has yet to encounter them) and he was the only one who survived and at the moment he HATED this fact. he hated that he was left to live and he reverts back to his mindset that he had when he was younger how his life didnt matter and etc etc etc

hes also??????????? SUPER upset and heartbroken that the sea was the one who did this to him. the ocean, to which he was born and raised on (he has never lived on land in the past 37 yrs of his life, hes been on land and stayed overnight at inns or smth and stuff but hes never Lived anywhere on land and thinks houses r Weird bc hes lived on a boats and ships for 37 yrs kjefnvslefv), the ocean to which he considered his real mother, the ocean that granted him so much freedom from so much of the things that hes experienced, the ocean to which he was so deeply emotionally connected to and how much the sea had meant to him. he knows he cannot control the sea and accepts that the sea had sunken his ship but that doesnt mean hes not going to still feel sad and shitty abt it lol 

he Basically has a meltdown at this shore and cursin at how he should have been the one to die in this wreck and passes out bc. exhaustion and etc lmao. and then in comes Love Interest #2, noel, a neutral good wood elf monk who, just like morgan, is a very free spirit and very kind and reminds healing just enough of morgan to make his heart start to feel something again

noel sees this tieflin dude passed out on the beach and is like. Oh. Thats Not Good. and he goes to help him out and brings him back to his campsite to patch him up and heal his wounds and take care of him and nurture him back to health a bit until healing wakes up.

healing is like HWHA and is like uhhhh thnks but i gotta Go Now bc Yet Again in this mnoment he vows a bunch of other shit like how hell live a life of solitude and never involve himself w others bc he thinks of himself as a harbinger of bad things and chaos and doom and misfortune follows him and how everyone he loves or tells them abt his life/story dies

but noel is too friendly and caring to just Let Him Go and hes just rlly interested in healing just as an individual and just also wants a companion to travel w bc hes just like a wandering monk who weaves in and out of woods and forests and villages and stuff

fast forward- after a Lot of effort and A Lot of time and A Lot of trust and such, healing slowly Very Very Slowly opens up to noel about himself and his life and what hes gone though and all of the sort of bad and good things hes experienced and grows closer to him and they fall in llove with each other and its both mutual and healing is like “wow??? being in love is so nice?? this is such a good feeling?? i love noel and he loves me back and we can kiss and hug and do stuff and both of us know we are doing this out of mutual romantic attraction??????????” and this is like. A Brand New Feeling for healing bc his relationship and love for morgan was 100% unrequited

noel basically becomes healings teacher tbh since noel is a monk he teaches healing the way of bein a monk most specifically the way of the 4 elements. noel is a master of the way of the 4 elements, but is best w earth and air, healing has such a strong attachment to the water and a close relation with fire so hes naturally like. rlly good w those 2 lmao he catches on real quick despite the fact that. only noel is teaching him and neither of them belong to a temple or have a temple to go to lmao

as time goes on both healing and noel are like. kinda famous monks that travel through the land and are well known bc healing was already previously well known as a rlly rlly cool famous captain and now he kinda dropped off the face of the earth for like 5 yrs but now hes back w noel and he looks a lil diff now bc hes older and his hairs a lil longer but ppl are aware that hes healing

its all good and healing is enjoying life real nice rn and hes happy once again and hes in love with noel and noel is in love with healing and its so good and healing is traveling again but also like. up until he was 37 yrs old he was like livin at sea on a ship. so when he goes along w noel when they travel through the woods on land its kinda Weird for him bc hes like. Never Been On Land For This Long lmao

from the moment he was stranded on that beach to right now in his current time, healing ALWAYS has smth of the sea/ocean w him ALWAYS it is a must and he has to have it for multiple reasons and most of the reasons are for like. safety reasons?? theyre like his safety items it calms him down and soothes him in multiple ways like emotionally and mentally. he ALWAYS has at LEAST 1 (one) bottle or flask or SOMETHING filled w sea water he always has some sea water on him, he also just. collects a MASSIVE amount of shells and sea glass and any other things u could find on the beach or sea he always has some of this stuff on him for comfort and stuff

like with all of the deep and intimate and important and emotional relationships in his life, noel gives healing smth that he can attach noel to emotionally and etc etrc etc. noel gives healing tattoos that are like monk tattoos and symbolize what he does best on his back i.e fire and water and also a few like. just fun lil casual tattoos to make healing and himself happy like a boat and anchor on his wrist and stuff and healing is like Oh Gee Hope Nothing Bad Happens

but smth bad does happen lol. after 10 literal yrs (healing is now 47) theyre in the woods camping out and etc etc etc and its like the dead of night and theyre sleepin in their tents and its good and all but then some bandits or smth just pass by their site and decide “hey. lets fuckin loot this place and fuck shit up” and they do and engage in combat w noel and healing and its just a series of unfortunate events and bad luck and timing and long story short these bandits do lethal and fatal damage to noel but healing manages to fend em off and they go running and now healing is kneeling over the dying body of his lover

noel literally dies in healings arms and this event triggers all of his previous mental state and mindset from before abt how hes a harbinger of bad things and how everyone he loves does and he only brings misfortune and hes liike “y do the ppl around me die???? y cant *I* be the one to die for once??? wtf????” and he feels so many emotions and is so ANGRY at himself bc This Just Keeps happening and the people he loves just keep Getting Hurt and he cries and buries noel and makes a grave and does a lot of sentimental stuff and mourns and just stays where he is in the woods for like. weeks until his supplies runs out and he finally leaves the area of the forest hes in with a heavy… Everything slkdfnvsdkfs fvhesfdnviksfd hes RLLY intensely emotionally and mentally fucked now

he makes the same kinds of vows as before again plus some but now its even STRONGER. he Will Not EVER fall in love ever again, he will never tell anyone ANYTHING abt him thats not surface level info, he takes up his old vows like never hurt ppl on purpose and never treating him the way he was treated and how he will upkeep his code of justice and equality, and how he will NEVER EVER have any deep relationships and friendships and he will keep them very surface level and how he will keep everyone at like an arms distance and a half from him

and so he mourns over his lost loved ones and is just a fuckin angsty emotionally shut and locked up traveling tiefling monk and hes alone and just. travels bc he feels like if he stays in one place too long he might bring misfortune to the ppl around him and he just. BASICALLY keeps this up for ANOTHER 10 yrs dsfkjvnsenfvedv je travels around EVERYWHERE and the first few years he tried his best to avoid rlly thick wooded areas and the sea but eventually he grew and healed a bit more and allowed himself to get on boats again and go thru forests and woods

healing chose his name bc he wanted to heal and grown and change and become a better person and try his best to just be as happy as he could be and to atone for what hes done and just. try to get thru life at this point. and make sure he leaves people better than when he meets them and to make sure everyone he encounters have AT LEAST a Not Bad impression of him. so thats basically what his goal is after noel dies and he just travels on his own and in solitude and he nevers takes along a companion and is jsut by himself and quite literally isolates himself all the time. he keeps the people he talks to at an arm and a halfs distance, he never lets them know anything below surface level info abt him, he like?? basically puts on a front and all but he is still genuinely friendly and likes to talk to ppl he just. doesnt want them to know any like Substantial Info abt him or kno him beyond surface level and stuff

after some time tho he meets a man named elias aka MAN OF THE HOUR aka my datefriends oc and he jsut?? will NOT leave healing alone he just WILL NOT go away and he basically just. is forcibly at healings side as they travel and healing just CANNOT get rid of him and elias is just with him and hes trying to pry thru healings massive amounts of layers and walls and barriers and etc etc etc and ofc he does this respectfully hes not like. forcing his way into healings life and forcing healing to tell him abt his life he just. wants to kno more abt him and is very genuinely attracted to this man in many many ways 

healing realizes he cant force elias to go away and is just like (shrugs) ok w/e guess i cant get rid of u and tries to keep his walls and his front up but he just finds himself getting rlly comfortable w elias?? he finds his presence soothing and stuff bc hes been alone for the past previous yrs and now he has a companion again and its a rlly nice feeling and they grow a lil closer bit by bit over time

more time passes on and eventually, in the middle of a mental break/meltdown, healing just. Spills Everything to elias like. All Of His Life from the moment he was born until this current faction in time where hes sobbing into elias’ arm about his whole life and he feels kind of better and its okay for a while and he just passes out in elias’ arms but then he wakes up and has a panic attack and is like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I TOLD THIS MAN MY ENTIRE LIFE I HAVE TO LEAVE NOW OR HELL DIE I RLLY LIKE HIM THO I DONT WANT HIM TO DIE and he faces the facts that he 1) likes elias 2) is very internally and mentally fukt 3) is internally rlly fuckin secretive and tries to hide everythin abt himself and 4) is Dyin Real Bad for multiple reasons

elias tries to reassure healing and tries to tell him everything will be fine and he wont die and etc etc etc and stuff and from this point on forward healing and elias are much closer and continue to get closer until theyre basically in a relationship and its difficult tbh bc healing rlly wants to leave elias out of his fear but elias stays w him and its a long proccess and journey for healing to learn how to properly cope w all of the things hes felt and experienced and grow and heal and etc et ect

eventually fast forward in time, at the age of 57, healing is MARRIED to elias :’’) and they r in love and everything is okay and healing has and is continuing to learn how to accept what hes done and how to properly cope and deal w things and have less walls and barriers and be better and elias is one of his MOST important relationships to him, on par w morgan and noel, and its all good and happy and healing lives the rest of his life out w elias and dies happy and etc etc etc and its all just GREAT and also their shipname is heelies bc its funny lmao 

i left out a lotta details but fuckin. whatever lmao

anyways i love healing thnk u and good night