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#like. no. it won't get better. this will keep happening over and over and over
emmyrosee · 3 days
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Fluffy fluffy prompt to hubby sukuna or whom ever you choose “awnn my poor baby come here” then he slowly walks towards you rubbing his eyes all soft and tired 🥺
There’s a low grumble behind you that snaps you out of your slicing of fruit, but you merely brush it off before moving onto the next strawberry.
Then, the grumble ripples through the air again, and you keep slicing, trying your best to ignore the noise.
It happens a third time. You giggle, “what, baby?” You put the knife down and turn to face Sukuna, arms crossing over your chest as you look him up and down.
He looks childish, with the comforter wrapped around his shoulders and hair ruffled around messily. His eyes are puffy from sleep and his cheeks hold a little flush, but his lips are still pouted in a scowl. “You left me alone in bed,” he grumbles. “I told you not to do that. Bed gets too cold.”
“Is that the only reason you don’t like me leaving the bed?” You ask, knowing the real answer. But you also know he’ll never say it. He’s stubborn like that.
He offers you a roll of his eyes, “yes, and I hate the cold. You’re aware of this.”
“My poor baby,” you tease, opening your arms for him to shamble into. “C’mere. Let me warm you back up from the mean, evil, cold covers.”
“You’d better,” he murmurs, stalking towards you and into your arms. He opens his own to reveal the corners of the blanket balled into his big fists, and when he embraces you, you’re shrouded in darkness but melting into the warmth that his chest brews. Your laugh softly, and burrow into his chest, which rumbles with a hum in confusion. "Somethin' funny under there?"
"Just dark," you say, wrapping your arms around his waist and gently squeezing him out of cute aggression. "I also can't really breathe, so-"
"Good," he says, resting his head on top of yours, tightening his arms to keep you in place. "Won't have to deal with your ass leaving the bed, messing up my sleep." You laugh some more, only to send a few pokes to his waist, making him jerk away from you and loosen his hold.
"Who's gonna cuddle you at night then?"
"I'm a man, I don't need cuddles."
When you do, however, try to get out of his arms, he grumbles and pulls you tighter again, with an annoyed grunt. "No."
"That's what I thought, Sukuna."
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authorhjk1 · 20 hours
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Lewd thought of snsd otp 9 with mommy femdom kinks please
Taeyeon
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Taeyeon is a gentle mommy. As long as you do your best to satisfy her, there aren't really any downsides to it. She can get a bit demanding sometimes, but she cares about you as well. She makes sure that you cum inside, everytime she fucks you. When she only lets you eat her pussy, she always gives positive encouragement, sometimes a compliment here and there. Taeyeon doesn't like to punish you, but when she feels it's necessary, be prepared for her to ride and drain you, until you're a whimpering mess, unable to move, while she keeps going.
Jessica
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Jessica is similar to Taeyeon. Or at least that's what she wants you to think. She gaslights you into believing all sorts of stuff. As long as you satisfy her, she won't be mad. And she always tells you it feels way better when she has an orgasm. For the both of you. Your release isn't as important. Whenever Jessica just uses you, until you break, she cups your cheek with one hand, while she rides you, her tone soothing and caring.
Sunny
"Don't listen to your mind, baby. You can take more, trust me. Just make mommy cum and you'll know how good it really can feel."
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While Sunny acts cold most of the time, she still like to be worshipped. She enjoys it so much, when you start to beg for sex. She makes you wait, until she herself can't hold back anymore. But once she starts, everyone will see whom you belong to. The day after, your neck, is marked with hickies. Your cheek is still slightly red from where she slapped you a little too hard. And your lip finally stopped bleeding after she bit down on it too hard, while she was climaxing.
Sunny liked to use you and she doesn't really care if she brakes you in the process.
Tiffany
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Despite popular belief, Tiffany isn't soft or caring at all. She always looks sweet and innocent, not able to hurt a fly. And often, you're the one in charge in and outside the bedroom. But when Tiffany comes back home after traveling, or when another woman looks at you a little too long, she turns bad. She keeps you awake the whole night, reminding you of whom you really belong to. Tiffany often likes to tie you up. To the bedposts, or the table, or the chair. And then she rides you, plays with you, hurts you, until only her name leaves your lips.
Hyoyeon
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Hyoyeon likes to toy with you, when you're blind. A blindfold, a tie, or even just putting a pillow on your face. Whatever it is that makes you vulnerable. You flinch whenever she suddenly touches you, not knowing what's going to happen next. Sometimes she just lets her fingers roam your body, or she uses ice cubes. Occasionally she even uses candles. Everytime she puts something over your eyes, your as excited as you're scared. She might suck your cock in one moment and let hot wax fall on your naked skin in the next.
Yuri
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Yuri likes to watch you. She makes you sit on the bed, while she sits in a chair in front of you.
"Cum for me."
She would look at you with a cold gaze, watching how you admire her fully clothed body. You're not aloud to see her naked yet. When you finally cum, chest heaving heavily, Yuri stands up. She walks up to you and sits down on the edge of the bed.
"Again."
She makes you cum, until she is satisfied. Once you're completely drained, she strips in front of you.
"Now, make me cum as often as you just came."
Sooyoung
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Sooyoung likes to put you in your place. Usually with words, even in public. But with with actions as well. Sometimes it's just something casual. When the two of you leave a restaurant: "Let's go, boy toy." Or when she is horny in the morning and already straddled you, before you're even fully awake: "Good morning, hot stuff."
But Sooyoung likes to make use of the saying "actions speak louder than words". That's why calling you names isn't enough for her. Sooyoung is a squirter. And she loves to cum all over your face, showing you that you're hers and your place is at her pussy, eating her out, until her juices drench your face.
Yoona
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Yoona can switch it up really fast. One moment she is loving and caring. And the next she wraps her hands around your throat, ordering you to make her cum right then, on the spot. And there is no middle ground either. She likes it when you get a little rough too, but usually, you pay the price for that later.
Most of your days start with gentle kisses. A smile here, a laugh there. And then Yoona rolls herself on top of you. Giving you even more kisses. Eventually she reaches your crotch. Your eyes fall shut again, when she works your cock. But before you can cum, Yoona is suddenly sitting on top of you. Both hands on your throat as she lowers herself onto you.
"Be a good toy. Don't cum until I give you permission."
Seohyun
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Seohyun likes to show you off, while acting cute and innocent and loving in public. Whenever someone points out a hicky, she acts all shy, embarrassed that someone might think she isn't all that innocent.
But as soon as the two of you are alone, Seohyun let's go of the good girl facade. She tells you how it turns her on that people think she is innocent, but in reality, she is making you scream her name every day. In public, she always gives you the sweetest smiles. And in the bedroom, her smiles are dark and drenched with lust.
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entiqua · 15 hours
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I love your artstyle!! Do you have any tips for drawing?
thank you so much! i'm really happy you like it!!💗 as for tips, what i would say would change drastically depending on what kind you're looking for, but some very general ones:
draw what you love and want to see most, regardless of whether anyone else wants to see it. if you don't enjoy what you're drawing it'll never come out as good or genuine as something your whole heart and soul is in. i mean you'd think this would be a no-brainer but sometimes i've had to sit back and ask myself 'if no one was ever going to see this except me, would i actually spend time drawing this?' and i was surprised by the answer
that said, it is also completely valid if your motivation for drawing is to draw for other people! there have been plenty of times where i was too artblocked to draw my own ideas but was still able to draw commissions or gifts and enjoyed it simply because making other people happy with my art makes me happy.
don't get too caught up in having a consistent art style. in my experience this 1000% hinders you
having your sense of anatomy degrade over time without you noticing because you keep drawing the same types of characters is a very real thing! if this is a concern to you be sure to draw a variety
follow a billion artists that you like the art of and you will have endless inspiration injected directly into your brain every time you open social media
my favourite practical tip for those who draw at a desk: keep a small mirror next to you at all times. absolute game changer for quickly referencing hands
if you're drawing digitally, make the canvas huge! in my experience this lets you draw messier/faster and you can't tell at all when you zoom out. if you tend to get stuck spending unnecessary amounts of time micromanaging pixels (me💀) keep it zoomed out while drawing
related to the above point, messy drawings can have far more expressiveness in them than neat and polished drawings. nowadays i never do lineart and go straight from 'barebones stickman pose' to 'varying-levels-of-coherent sketch' and use that as my lineart. sweet freedom from the sketch-looks-better-than-the-lineart phenomenon
if your goal is to improve, then you really do have to scrutinize your art, figure out what you're not satisfied with, and commit the time to focusing on it. 'practice makes perfect' kinda rubs me the wrong way because of how much i've seen it interpreted as 'just draw everyday and you'll magically improve' but genuinely it won't get you very far if you don't actively think hard about what you're trying to improve and take the steps to do it. is this a hot take idk. also hand in hand with this, not every artist is trying to improve and you shouldn't feel bad for this! maybe you just wanna make a little headshot doodle of your fave blorbo and that's your only drawing goal ever. awesome. maybe you know your art has flaws but it's passable enough to convey what you want and you're perfectly satisfied with that. (this is the stage i'm usually at). also awesome!
don't hesitate to draw something because you think it's out of your skill level. the worst that can happen if you draw it is that it comes out terribly but you learned something and can always redraw it better in the future. the worst that WILL happen if you don't draw it is that you'll never draw it. and then it will sit in the back of your brain haunting you for years. it's not like i'm speaking from experience or anything aha
look up 'hand stretches for artists' and do them if you draw a lot unless you wish to summon the wrath of the carpal tunnel demons
of course, these may not necessarily work for you, and most importantly(!) these are coming from the perspective of someone who is primarily a hobbyist. some of this won't be practical for people who need to build an audience, maintain a consistent style for work, etc. these are just things that have personally helped me over many years of drawing :)
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mj0702 · 2 days
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For @helen-with-an-a and her master brain and for @valewosomtb because she's now officially allowed to run people over now
You just wanted to do something nice. For Ona. Who looked after you the whole week while Lucy was away all the way back in England to “get some things sorted” - namely selling the house Keira and she bought all those years back. The house you basically grew up in. But now was not the time to dwell on long gone things. Now was the time to worry. To worry about Ona. She was maybe small – but she was also damn scary.
You watched all them firefighters weaseling in and out of your (Onas and Lucys) house in their full firefighter clothes with breathing mask so they don't inhale all the smoke. The smoke you inhaled. Oh Lucy gonna be so pissed. You sat in the back of an ambulance, your arm bandaged all the way up to your shoulder an oxygen mask over your nose and mouth like you were starring in an episode of Grey's Anatomy. You looked up at the paramedic who smiled at you with pity in her eyes as she pulled another liquid into a new syringe
“Hey ehrm... quick question” you said your voice raspy as you pulled the mask from your face
“Yes?” the paramedic – who looked a LOT like princess norwegian – looked away from the medication and right at you
“Ehrm... how long will that take until everything is done and all of you guys are gone again?” you asked a little embarrassed
“You got a deep 2nd degree burn and a smoke in your lungs and you really want us to go?” the dark haired medic asked confused
“Yeah...” you looked up shyly
“Yeah sorry that's not going to happen” the woman said smiling slightly “... we need to take you into hospital but we have to wait for an adult that gives us consent to do so... so no, we won't leave in the next few minutes”
“I'm an orphan...” you quickly said
“Oh please” the dark haired woman snorted “... you really think we don't know who you are? If I have to I contact Alexia Putellas”
“Ona is going to kill me” you mumbled as you pulled the mask back over your nose
“Ona Batlle” the paramedic asked as she pushed the liquid into you IV
“Yeah...” you croaked under your mask before you started to cough
“Looks like you're out of luck...” the spanish paramedic smirked nodding towards the end of the street where you could see a black Cupra with an open drivers door and a blonde woman sprinting up the hill towards the scene
“Fuck me... hide me....” you coughed “... better... kill me... you're probably way softer about it... she'll just rip me head off”
“The panicked expression on her face tells me she won't rip your head off” the woman smiled after she took a quick glance at Ona
“That's her disguise... she always looks nice and friendly and approachable but no no....” you croaked out “... she's pure evil... small... but pure evil... she didn't allow me dessert the last three nights”
“So evil” the woman snorted “... is that why you tried to get into her good books again?”
“No.. that was supposed to be just a thank you” you mumbled
“Bebita...” Ona suddenly appeared next to the ambulance her face panicked her breathing labored
“I swear I had good intensions” you immediately said shuffling back a little bit
“Are you okay?” the blonde spaniard asked checking you over “Your arm... what's with your arm?”
“2nd degree burn... we have to take her in but we needed an adult to give consent” the paramedic woman said trying to keep her face neutral but everyone could see the smirk that was forming on her lips
“Yes yes of course...” Ona said quickly “... take her”
“What?” you squeaked out shocked “... you can't let them take me”
“To the hospital Bebita... I promise I'm right there with you okay?” the blonde said gently
“Just hop in... you can ride with us” the dark haired woman said and immediately Ona stepped into the Ambulance
“Ona.....” you whined as you saw the doctors and nurses speed walking past your hospital bed
“It's okay Bebita” Ona said softly holding your left hand her thumb stroking over your knuckles in a calming manner
“No.... everything went wrong” you felt tears prickle in your eyes
“I don't care what happened Bebé...” the spaniard said gently “.... all that matter is that you are okay”
“No...” you chocked out
“No? What you mean no?” Ona asked confused
“I ruined everything” you sobbed as Ona started to brush your tears away
“No no Bebita... everything is okay... you are okay and that's I need” the blonde kept her voice soft
“I swear I just tried to make something good” you kept crying and at one point Ona realized it was the painkillers that made you cry
“Something good hm?” Ona smiled when she saw how the pain medication kicked in
“I wanted to make you paella” you sobbed heartbreakingly “... like you always make it”
“Oh Bebita” the blonde sighed
“I went with Mapí to the market thingy to buy sea creatures and that was a disaster because Mapí bought a whole fin thing” you started to ramble while Ona had to bite her lip hard to not burst out laughing “... a WHOLE one... with all the inside stuff... when she asked if I wanted a whole fin thing I thought she meant like... not whole...”
“Hm...” Ona just hummed amused
“... and then we got some of them... crab snippy thingies... the bigger ones... the ones that always look at Lucy when she eats them” you kept on rambling not even caring that Ona had to work really hard not to burst out laughing at your misery “... and I said “just two” and Mapí talked speed spaniard and you know I can't follow speed spaniard”
“I know Bebita... your spanish got very good” the blonde praised you but you didn't even noticed it as you just kept on talking
“... I wanted to snippy snappies not two kilo... so I had a whole fin thing with inside stuff and a bag full of snippy snappies... and Maps was so proud of herself that she was the bestest translator that I couldn't tell her she got it all wrong” you sniffed
“What happened then?” Ona asked keeping you occupied since you didn't even noticed the nurse that started to change your bandage
“Well... I went to the beach and made a snippy snappie race to see which ones are the slowest so I wouldn't kill the best ones... they have the best chance to survive... so I let them free on the beach but they didn't race each other... they... just ran in different directions and in the end I had no snippy snappies” you sobbed “... but I still had the fin thing so I went home and thought I just make rice with fin thing for you and order burger for me... I don't like fin thing... bleh”
“I know Bebita... you don't like fish... or sea food in general” the blonde smiled
“So when I came home I had to... cut..” you started to heave
“Deep breath Bebita....” Ona said calming
“Do you know how much things fin things have inside them... so so many things” you gagged again “so I got all the insides outside and I figured we need an alligator so the insides just don't lay around on the outside in the kitchen”
“An alligator? You could have also just used the trash bin” the blonde chuckled
“His name is Jesús... he'll be such a good gator...” you said wishfully as a doctor checked out your arm making you wince in progress
“So you really prepared a fresh fish for me Bebita” Ona said distracting you from the pain
“Yeah... it was really bleh...” you scrunched up your nose your eyes glassy
“So... how did you end up occupying a whole fire department?” the blonde mused
“Oh yeah... so I made the rice yeah... I followed the YouTube steps to the brim...” you got back on track of your retelling what happened “... and put the fin thing in the pan... and then I remembered that I saw that thing on that show...”
“That thing on that show?” Ona asked confused
“Yeah... you know...” you showed a pan swivel motion
“No.. I don't but please continue” the blonde shook her head
“So I looked in Lucys adult cupboard...” you started again
“Wait... Bedroom or living room??” Ona interrupted quickly
“There's an adult cupboard in the bedroom?” you asked confused tilting your head
“No... no... absolutely not” the blonde back paddled quickly shaking her head
“Oh... okay... alcohol is not good in the bedroom... only alcoholics have alcohol in the bedroom” you slurred “... so I went to get some of the alcohol and put it in the pan like they always do in the show”
“Oh god...” Ona groaned suddenly knowing what you were talking about
“So I tried to make it extra crispy but it wouldn't... poof you know” you looked at Ona but in reality you looked through her “... so I took a match and threw it in there and then it went... poof... big poof”
“Oh Bebita” the blonde started to pinch the bridge of her nose
“I tried to extinct the fire but then my sweater got very warm and it got very... smoky and yeah... next thing I know is that the men with the heavy boots kicked in the door” you at least had the audacity to look guilty
“Bebita... I really appreciate you going out of your way to make dinner for me but PLEASE don't get yourself in danger like that” Ona said seriously but you were already looking in the other direction
“Did you know we are in a hospital?” you asked looking around in awe
“I'm feeling like I lived through that before” the blonde mumbled as you pointed at an exit sign
“That's so pretty” you said in awe “Pretty green”
“Mhm...” Ona hummed stroking over your forehead trying to calm you down so much that you fall asleep
“You’re also very pretty…. Pretty spaniard” you slurred
“That would be Alexia but thank you Bebita” Ona chuckled
“Oni...” you mumbled “... I'm getting sleepy”
“Then sleep Bebita” the blonde whispered gently hoping you would listen to her
“But the green is so pretty” you mumbled your eyes darting back to the exit sign
“I'll get you your very own pretty green sign if you close your eyes and sleep for a few minutes” Ona said softly
“Okay” you sighed deeply closing your eyes falling asleep instantly
“No Lucy... she's not badly hurt” you heard Ona speaking softly her thumb still running over your knuckles “.... her arm is burned and she inhaled a bit of smoke but the docs say she'll be good in a week or so”
You made a low whining sound resulting in Ona looking up and over at you
“She's waking up...” the blonde said into the phone “... I'll call you later okay? Yeah... Love you too”
“Hey Bebita... how are you feeling?” Ona asked softly
“Me throat hurts” you whine still half asleep
“That was to be expected Bebé” the blonde hummed stroking over your cheek
“I really didn't mean to cause trouble” you mumbled ashamed
“I know Bebita....” Ona kept her voice soft “.... but Lucy and I decided that you'll take some cooking lessons... with my Mamí”
“It was all Mapís fault...” you whined “... she started the whole fuck up with buying the wrong fish”
“We'll work on your cooking okay?” the blonde said gently seeing how your eyes start to fall shut once again “... sleep some more Bebita... I'll be here when you wake up again”
“Hey Bubs...” you heard a soft voice next to you “... open your pretty eyes for me okay?”
“Five more minutes” you mumbled trying to turn away just to turn onto your burned arm making you shoot up clutching your arm in pain
“Easy Bubs...” Lucy reacted quickly moving your hand away from your bandaged arm “... easy... breath Bubs”
“Owie” you whined tears shooting into your eyes
“Yeah.... you really outdid yourself this time” your sister chuckled “... Keira is not happy”
“Owie” you whined again
“Mhm...” Lucy hummed “... I just woke you up so I can force some more medication down your throat”
“No” you looked at your sister pitifully
“Yes...” your sister smiled gently “... come on Bubs... just two pills and then you can sleep again”
“Lucy” you whined just realizing your sister sitting next to your bed – your own bed “... when did I go home?”
“I got you home last night” Lucy smiled still holding two pills in her palm
“I....” you looked confused
“I know... you were dead to the world” your sister chuckled “Open”
“Nooooo” you whined pulling your head away from Lucy
“Bubs you know I will get these pills down your throat” Lucy said gently grabbing your chin “It's either you take them or I'll make you OR I'll get Keira... you have to take them... one is a painkiller and one is an antibiotics”
“You're so mean” you huffed but opened your mouth
“I know... good girl” your sister smiled popping the pills into your mouth holding out a glass of water “... swallow”
“I'm not Ona” you grumbled as you grabbed the glass
“Don't start....” Lucy warned you but still smirked “... open”
You opened your mouth showing your sister you swallowed the pills
“Good.... now... will you behave when Ona changes your bandages?” your sister asked
“It won't hurt right?” you asked scared
“No.... the nurses showed us how to do it” Lucy said gently as Ona entered the room carrying several bandages and creams
“No no no no no” you said as you saw the materials shuffling away from where Ona put the stuff down
“It's okay Bubs” your sister said calmly “... it's not going to hurt”
“I don't like that” you tried to get away but Lucy quickly got you and just pulled you in between her legs so you have know chance to run
“It's okay.... it won't hurt” Lucy repeated over and over again
“No Lucy please” you sobbed as your sister hugged you tightly into her
“Okay... okay... calm down” your sister said quickly “... we won't do it”
Ona shot Lucy a quick look and Lucy just shook her head before she returned to whisper sweet nothings against your temple to calm you down
“I thought we won't change...” Ona started half an hour later
“.... she's out cold... of course we change her bandages...” Lucy said as she carefully held your arm for Ona to unwrap it
“She's going to kill us” the blonde catalan mumbled working as quickly as she could
“We'll let her call Alexia later... she'll wake up high as a kite again.... she'll be so happy to talk to the “pretty spaniard” for as long as she wants” your sister grinned making her girlfriend chuckle
“I'm sorry Lucy... I really am” Ona said her voice low as she carefully pulled the compresses off your arm cleaning the burn
“What are you sorry for?” Lucy asked confused still holding your arm
“You trusted me with her... she got hurt... I should've...” the blonde started her voice breaking slightly
“Babe no... no no no” your sister quickly interfered “... it's not your fault”
“You left her under my watch and she got hurt... how can it not be my fault?” Ona sniffled lightly as she started to wrap your arm back up
“She's a klutz Babe... no one holds you responsible... not Keira... not Bubs... and definitely not me” Lucy said seriously “... you know how often she got hurt just because I turned around for a second... trouble finds her... I swear there's ONE glass shard on the whole beach... I guarantee you you she'll steps into it...”
“I got so scared when I saw all these firefighter trucks and ambulances....” the blonde confessed lowly “... I got scared for her but then I also got scared you could hate me”
“I could never hate you Baby... I love you” your sister said softly as she gently placed your arm back down
“.... now let get out of here and let her sleep and I show you just how much I love you” Lucy smirked pulling Ona out of the room while you snored peacefully
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Freebie!!! With good vibes and cookies 🍪🌟
You ordered a spicy chicken wrap and some ice water with lemon, but he wasn't satisfied until you were actually eating. Once he was mollified, he let himself pay attention to his own meal. He had a million questions.
But- he had to tread carefully. It made him feel like he was trying to coax a feral cat. Or disarm a bomb. Two things he'd never been good at. Still, he knew two things now he didn't know before. The kid was healthy and the date of your next appointment.
And you hadn't sent him away. He'd also never seen you eat anything spicy before. Maybe the kid liked spicy food. Or maybe he just never paid attention. "What else are you doing today?" he asked.
"Thought I'd try and get some cleaning done. Try and get some writing done. Take Trigger to the dog park," you answer, pushing a stack of napkins at him when his burger starts to fall apart.
"Thanks- Figured you'd want to go shopping. Get some baby things," he ventured.
You shake your head, "I don't- next week," you tell him. "Had to pay mom's allowance early to keep her over there."
Logan felt himself frown reflexively, "Wade throw in his share?"
You shrug, "You know how it goes. It's not like being Marvel Jesus comes with steady pay. But I have some freelance money coming and- well. It doesn't really matter. It's not-" You break off and shake your head, "I'll figure it out. I always do."
"Y/N," he said, cringing when the growl in his voice made you pull back. "It's not just you that did-"
"You made it pretty clear you didn't want this, Logan," you murmur, looking out the window. "Before I even knew what was happening."
"And if I could, I'd-"
"But you can't," you tell him. "And how am I supposed to know you won't just-" You shake your head and slide out of the booth, leaving your half-finished plate on the table. Stalking back to the ladies room. Hoping he won't follow. Not right now.
Fuck. He scrubbed his hands over his face and gulped down his drink, signaling for another to show he wasn't leaving and followed you. If diplomacy wasn't doing it- if words were going to keep getting him in trouble- it was time to try something else. He was just glad the bar was dead.
_______________
He opened the door carefully and found you leaning on the sink. Griping the counter so hard your knuckles were white. And he spun you around, hefting you up as he reached behind him and locked the door.
"I'm a fucking idiot," he growled, claiming your mouth in a kiss that burned his lips as he pushed your knees apart to stand between your legs. "I panicked like a stupid kid," he said, pulling back and resting his forehead on yours, giving you space to tell him 'no'. "I thought it would be better for you if I walked away from you. And now every time I look at you I can't fuckin' breathe."
He can hear your heart. He can smell tears welling up. But your hands are fisted in his shirt. And he rests his forehead on yours. "Listenin' to you tell people this ain't my kid- that you don't know who their daddy is," he huffed a laugh. "Fuck. I know it doesn't hurt as bad as what I did but- it's a gut punch, Princess."
"I'm so fucking mad at you," you tell him, voice breaking. "And I'm so fucking scared."
"Hey," he breathed, cradling your face in his hands and wiping tears away with his thumbs, "shhh." He kissed you again, more gently this time, "I'm not goin' anywhere, baby. Okay? I'm gonna show you that. I just need you to give me one more chance."
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running-in-the-dark · 8 months
Text
well I can already tell this is gonna be a bad night
today has just been fucking weird and hard. I'm in a bad mood. everything feels bad. (probably not helped by me not taking the new antidepressant last night so I wouldn't sleep all day)
the plan was for my friend to come over this weekend to help me pack. she did that last time and it helped a lot. (my husband could help, obviously, but he's in charge of other things that also need to get done. plus he's very bad at putting things into boxes.)
but the rail strike is still going on so it's likely that she won't be able to get here (or get back in time). so now that's suddenly a lot more stressful and the one thing that I thought would make it go okay is gone.
and I also have to like. at least reread my thesis a few times or whatever to study for the oral exam on Friday. which will make me want to die. because it is bad. so. that will be bad. and the thought of being asked questions about that piece of garbage for 30 fucking minutes is so horrifying that I genuinely do not know if I will be able to get through it without taking my Lorazepam beforehand (which I know is a horrible idea, and my psychiatrist told me twice that it's a bad idea, and I know it would just make me unbelievably stupid. but holy shit that is the scariest thing I can imagine.)
and of course instead of doing anything useful I'm now just sitting here feeling like shit (like last night, only worse)
#it'd just be so fucking nice if I could just.. have a break#it's just been nonstop awful shit since my dad's cancer diagnosis in 🤔 2015. I'm sorry but that's too long. I can't do it anymore. I just#need some damn time to fucking calm down#like yeah any outsider would probably look at my life and think 'well you haven't actually DONE anything in like 6 years'#yeah that's true#but I've also been sick and/or in pain pretty much since 2018. and some of that was fixed last year when I had my gallbladder removed but i#is still not good. first of all that did not work out so well for me. but also everything else is still not right and no one cares and I#just don't have the energy to fight to get a diagnosis#I'm just so tired#I really thought I'd just. go to uni. get my degree in 3 years like expected. get a job. move out. have a normal life FINALLY for the first#time ever#and NONE of that fucking happened#EVERYTHING WENT WRONG. again and again and again#and I am just. so. tired. I can't. I can't do it.#it feels so fucking pathetic to be like 'my life is soooo hard everyone feel bad for me' when there is just. objectively not that much wron#but it just. never. stops.#I've never had a fucking moment to just. sit down. and think. and make decisions about my life. everything just. happens to me#I just. feel so lost and stuck and doomed and it won't fucking get better! it won't! my life got better ONE TIME and it has been pure hell#since then#like. no. it won't get better. this will keep happening over and over and over#I'll never have a choice. not really. I fucked up my life permanently when I dropped out of school at 18 and tbh I wish I would've just bee#brave enough to do what I really wanted then (killing myself)#because fuck. this is not worth it#literally everyone I love is either really fucking far away or just. fictional.#I have no close relationships with anyone irl#everyone I know irl is mean and kind of an asshole. and I'm too useless to meet new people.#I just. I don't want to survive anymore I want to live but I can't have that so. what's the goddamn point#its gonna be fine. because I'm a fucking coward so I'll never do it anyway. but I fucking wish I could
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corfisers · 10 months
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag
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dreamyeyedrose · 2 months
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listen if we brat summer our way out of fascism I'll fuckin take it
#ravi rants#historically speaking the best way to shut down asshats that violate the social contract of tolerance is to mock them#idk man maybe I have a different perspective on all of this because I'm part of the desi diaspora#but like.... so Indians won't always obviously call out violations of social decorum#if you're making an idiot of yourself or you're making a scene. other people will stand by and let you do it.#my therapist and I talk about me coming from a high-context Asianic cultural background like I do a lot actually#because the thing about Indian decorum is that. like.#one. you protect yours. if your friend is actively intervening in on something there's a reason and it might be helpful#but two. if someone's breaking decorum.... we allow them to do so in order to figure out why.#if someone's ex is crashing a wedding and successfully gets the floor they'll get heard out#and everyone will be paying attention#because the thing is those kinds of overt violations of decorum usually happen for a reason....#Indian soap operas are A Lot™ but listen. a party might be the right time to call someone out on being abusive or manipulative#because the whistleblower can be escorted away to safety by them and theirs.#and usually you have to be able to know enough decorum to get to the point where you make a scene#and Indians respect the hustle. we'll hear you out.#the Hindu gods are notorious for being like 'alright smart guy. here's your wish.'#the gods will readily admit if they've been outwitted#but you're an idiot if you think you'll get away with fucking with the natural chaos of samsara and karma forever :)#however. there's also Hindu parables of asuras and dumbass humans realizing they fucked up and taking the L with grace#and the gods respect that#but lol. fascists aren't respectful.#Richard Spencer shut the fuck up after we all saw him get punched#conservatives are having a mental breakdown over being called weird while insisting that a cis woman is a man#and I'd like to remind everyone that the social role of a court jester is to keep everyone humble#bc dude. if you're getting butthurt over the clown ribbing you. maybe calm the fuck down? look in the mirror?#you may be a king but the larger the seat you hold#the better your toilet plumbing should be
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beomurang · 1 year
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Will never not be upset at the atrocious act of not including Beomgyu in happily ever after.
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theflyingfeeling · 11 months
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...💇‍♀️
#so i went to the hairdresser's in september to get a trim after over a year of having NOTHING done to my hair#it was in suuuuuuuuch a poor condition but i loved how long it had gotten so i suffered through the summer#i just wasn't ready to say goodbye to my mermaid hair 🥺#(i should've got it done in the spring but didn't because. well. life i guess lol i wasn't feeling very well maybe)#and so when i finally went to get it done i asked the hairdresser to cut only what was necessary#fair enough i went home only to notice absolutely NOTHING had happened 🙃#i thought i could live with it until maybe later in the winter but i was getting so frustrated with how lifeless and tangled my hair was 😭#so i booked a new appointment at a different hairdresser (a new one has just opened near me)#and aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh my hair looks and feels SO much more healthier now!! 😭 nearly teared up at the hairdresser's feeling my new hair 😂#but at the same time i'm a bit 🥲 because it's quite a bit shorter now 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲#it's not short per se but aaaahhhh I'm having a minor identity crisis lol (no i'm not i'm just being dramatic 💅)#but it's definitely better this way. i love my hair and i'm never ever letting it get in such a terrible condition ever again 🤧#also i'm not going back to that other place again because it wasn't the first time the same person had done barely anything to my hair 🤨#i mean. i guess they just did what i had asked but...#with all the other hairdressers there's never been any problem when i told them to ''only take what's needed''#i guess she was just too cautious to take TOO much of the length of my hair but gurl what's the point if you only take like 1 cm 😐#with ''what's needed'' i obviously mean ''enough so i won't have to come back here next month'' :\#anyway! i'm happy and keep sniffing my hair (and giving myself a headache in the process) because the products they used smell so nice 💖#pointless ramblings hi yess i'm bored by theflyingfeeling
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dredshirtroberts · 4 months
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it is not slacking off to write or create it is not slacking off to do things that are fun i am not slacking off or procrastinating right now i'm allowed to do things i enjoy doing for fun including playing games and writing and such
#if i say it enough i will remember it's true#can you guess which aspect of capitalism i'm struggling with today?#it does not help my bones are somehow WORSE than yesterday even after all of the rest i took so that's Super Fun:tm:#so i've got that on in the back of my head#ugh#i... am putting off calling my grandma - i meant to do it last week but i got too in my head about it#and uno reversed myself into forgetting to do it at all until the Worst Times Possible#(generally around Normal Fuckin Meal Times)#i want to call to wish her a belated mother's day and check in re: grandpa but also...#also i don't want to have to do a phone call i don't want to talk to them about anything at all#they stress me out to talk to and it makes me super uncomfortable to be on the phone in general let alone with a Heavy Topic over our heads#like.... i'm comfortable with where i'm at acceptance-wise with Grandpa's whole situation#and i know i am late for a better relationship with the pair of them in general#like i'm not going to repair a relationship that wasn't built to collapse down to this point this is as far as it got built up to#i'm not building more relationship between me and someone who i know is passing soon when they didn't take the opportunity either#like they had just as much chance as me to improve our relationship after i became an adult and they chose to use my mother as#an intermediary which has stunted their connection to me and that's not my fault#i admittedly did not reach out but i was not taught i could safely do that to anyone#because my parents badmouth literally any person they know for one reason or another#i regularly fuck up in conversations with my grandparents because i'll say somethign that is a holdover from my understanding of them#through my parents and it's like. kind of really insulting! and i've been doing it my whole life and i know as soon as i get their reaction#and i can't recover because i don't actually know them at all#so i can't be like ''oh my god i know that's inaccurate i have no idea why i said that'' because i *don't* know until after i've done it#every goddamn time it happened the last time i got a call from them too#like... my bio fam/family of origin is just not good at keeping in touch and i know i'm a product of that#and i know theoretically how to adjust for it but it does require work on the other end of the line too#and unfortunately i know my bio family too well and know they won't do their part#i grew up in the group project everyone hates#and i'm on my way to deciding they can show up to the presentation day without me#i've started a new family project over here with blackjack and hookers
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pegasusdrawnchariots · 6 months
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the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it
#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet#I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through#idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :(#like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself#& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy#I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem#I had 4 social plans this month. that's it#that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!!#is this the norm for adulthood? :(#& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy#but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too#the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021#but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all#I'm not going anywhere w this. idk#just one of those days#everything so fuck everybody suck :(#boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake#now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend#assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((:#I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake#& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx'#OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks#but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together!#'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc#'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!!#every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores#they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go#& I'm like any time!! I love u!!#& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired#like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(
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i need to get over myself and learn the languages i want to learn if i want to learn them like i just need to do it if i want to learn them then i should go out and learn them and like . fuck whatever else any of it means . yes it IS embarrassing to learn a language like the ones i want to learn as an adult but who CARES and yes i KNOW my grandparents will never want to speak to me in those languages but who CARES if it's important to me it can be important to me anyway
#had a moment last night bc i was apparently having an identity crisis which was random#but i had a moment where i was like well even if i learn all these languages no one in my family is going to want to speak to me#in those languages because of [insert reasons i don't need to go into here] and so ultimately none of this is like . cultural Really#it's just me wanting to feel as though i am connected to something when i will never be#and maybe that's true or maybe it isn't but if i want to learn them i should learn them anyway like . at the end of the day#i DO want to learn those languages and i think it would be interesting and i would love to be able to speak to people#in those languages even if the people i speak to aren't related to me and i would love to be able to speak languages that aren't english#and that all stays true even if i am not able to have the cultural connection through language with my own family#like i can go on and on about how disconnected i feel from my culture bc of everything that has ever happened in my life#but how i still feel alienated bc i'm Not White to white people and all of that is true but not learning a language doesn't make it#any better and maybe learning a language won't make it better either but i think it's a better use of my time#ALSO !!!!! NO ONE EVER GOES OH WHY WLD U LEARN FRENCH OR SPANISH [OR INSERT EUROPEAN LANG HERE] u have no real cultural connection to it!!!#so like why is it different bc i want to learn asian languages??? it's not! except in my head! or maybe irl too but i'm just saying#that i think i make all of this a much bigger deal than it has to be#that being said i did just try to look up classes and they r all for children and about keeping children culturally connected 2 their famil#l m f a o but that can't be ALL the classes ............. i'll work it out is what i'm saying and i need 2 get OVER myself#bc none of it is that deep and i can feel conflicted all i like but i should fucking DO smth about it at least#anyway i am posting this in the hopes that i can beat it into my own head bc i am sick and tired of being weird about learning#languages and i need 2 get over my weird cultural identity issues if i want to like . live a life where i don't want to explode and die
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dandyshucks · 8 months
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i think the simultaneously funniest and most frustrating thing abt my brain when things like this happen is that my brain freezes up a bit and can only think of like "aw gee whiz now xyz mundane thing i had scheduled into today won't happen" like girl WHAT there is shit going down and thats what ur thinking about ???
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solradguy · 2 years
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I came to terms with the Sol kinnie thing months ago now because honestly who gives a shit, but every now and then I'll find myself in a situation where I wonder if whatever it was I was about to do was/is a pre- or post-Guilty Gear interest lol
#textpost#Most of them have been pre-Guilty Gear interests which is honestly hilarious#Like of course I don't have proof for most of it but my fursona is the funniest one#He's basically bootleg furry Sol Badguy BUT he was like that MONTHS before I got into GG#I've been thinking about this over the last few days though#Because I was doing some Queen stuff and had a thought like 'am I only doing this because my brain's weird or do I actually care'#And went through like a checklist of things. I do actually care#Sol is like frighteningly relatable though and sometimes I wish he wasn't lol#I typed this at 2am last night but saved it to my drafts instead of publishing it haha Still kinda feeling it this morning though tbh#I wish I could better articulate or find a term that describes how I relate to Sol better because 'kin/fictionkin' feels too...#Hmm.... Psycho-religious? A lot of essays I read while initially figuring this out related the kin tag to something more like a-#-Philosophy or something similar to a religion#But for me it's more like my brain filling in empty spaces within itself because No One was like me growing up and#now that I'm also trans there are even LESS people who are like me#So my brain sees a character that's similar to me and is like 'oh holy shit it's us. Let's be like that' hahah#This got really long I should've put it up in the post sorry lmfao#Anyway this is something I've done my whole life and 'kinning' is really the only term that fits what it is even if it's not a 1:1 fit#It usually doesn't bother me but knowing that some of the things I enjoy now I probably won't later once my interests shift again does#I still keep waiting for it to happen with Guilty Gear but GG is so different from anything else I've been into I'm not sure it will#Since most of the things I like about GG were things I liked before getting into it. Like heavy metal & weird scifi/fantasy#I'm not going to elaborate on how exactly I relate to Sol also. My blog is too public for that#and this post is already a little too personal#kin tag
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running-in-the-dark · 10 months
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starting to realise that damn maybe there really is just something fundamentally wrong with me
I have more dumb shit to say about it but you can only have 30 tags?? that's some fucking bullshit. anyway tl;dr: fictional characters not real, I'm depressed about it, I'm a mess my life's a mess everything sucks, I'm crying, life sucks. I've got issues.
#I don't want to be dead#I want to be alive but. not here. there's nothing that could happen in my actual life that would make it good enough to be worth it#I feel so fucking pathetic and gross and broken but the only people I want to be with are fictional#I can't even do the fandom thing and make friends that way. I don't want to talk about them. I want to be with them and nothing else#I'm just. stuck here and I'll never be happy and there will never be anything that I want as much as that#it's so. fucking. pathetic#but like what is there in real life. what could happen that would be good enough. I'll finish uni one way or the other. I'll get a job.#maybe we'll be able to have our own house someday#and then? what then?#it'll happen over and over again. I'll fall in love with these fictional worlds and these fictional people and it'll break my heart every#time again and again until I die#there's nothing else. there's nothing that I want. nothing in real life will ever feel that good because. obviously it won't. it's real.#it's not perfect it's not made up by me specifically to be everything I want#I can't rewrite the same scenario over and over again in my mind until he says exactly the right thing to make me feel better#I'll never have these perfect friends or this perfect guy or this exciting but safe life because it's. just. not real#I just#I don't know how I can keep doing this#I'm so tired#I can't keep feeling like this#it feels so fucking bad#how goddamn embarrassing is it to be an adult in your 30s and just. lie in bed sobbing until you fall asleep because your fucking fictional#crush isn't real and your fictional friends aren't real and you'll never know what happiness feels like#because it can't even get close to the fucking joy you feel when you think about them. it's everything#it feels so fucking good just for a moment and you need it over and over again but you know you can never have it#I'm driving myself insane#genuinely insane.#to the point where every time it gets worse. every time I get these feelings I feel higher and lower than ever before#it feels better and more intense and more amazing. then I realise I still have to be here. I still can't go away. and it feels like dying.#every time a part of me dies.#it's so fucking silly. I know how melodramatic this all is. oh wahh life is so boring and I'm sooo sad over these fictional people I'm gonn
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