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#and NONE of that fucking happened
running-in-the-dark · 8 months
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well I can already tell this is gonna be a bad night
today has just been fucking weird and hard. I'm in a bad mood. everything feels bad. (probably not helped by me not taking the new antidepressant last night so I wouldn't sleep all day)
the plan was for my friend to come over this weekend to help me pack. she did that last time and it helped a lot. (my husband could help, obviously, but he's in charge of other things that also need to get done. plus he's very bad at putting things into boxes.)
but the rail strike is still going on so it's likely that she won't be able to get here (or get back in time). so now that's suddenly a lot more stressful and the one thing that I thought would make it go okay is gone.
and I also have to like. at least reread my thesis a few times or whatever to study for the oral exam on Friday. which will make me want to die. because it is bad. so. that will be bad. and the thought of being asked questions about that piece of garbage for 30 fucking minutes is so horrifying that I genuinely do not know if I will be able to get through it without taking my Lorazepam beforehand (which I know is a horrible idea, and my psychiatrist told me twice that it's a bad idea, and I know it would just make me unbelievably stupid. but holy shit that is the scariest thing I can imagine.)
and of course instead of doing anything useful I'm now just sitting here feeling like shit (like last night, only worse)
#it'd just be so fucking nice if I could just.. have a break#it's just been nonstop awful shit since my dad's cancer diagnosis in 🤔 2015. I'm sorry but that's too long. I can't do it anymore. I just#need some damn time to fucking calm down#like yeah any outsider would probably look at my life and think 'well you haven't actually DONE anything in like 6 years'#yeah that's true#but I've also been sick and/or in pain pretty much since 2018. and some of that was fixed last year when I had my gallbladder removed but i#is still not good. first of all that did not work out so well for me. but also everything else is still not right and no one cares and I#just don't have the energy to fight to get a diagnosis#I'm just so tired#I really thought I'd just. go to uni. get my degree in 3 years like expected. get a job. move out. have a normal life FINALLY for the first#time ever#and NONE of that fucking happened#EVERYTHING WENT WRONG. again and again and again#and I am just. so. tired. I can't. I can't do it.#it feels so fucking pathetic to be like 'my life is soooo hard everyone feel bad for me' when there is just. objectively not that much wron#but it just. never. stops.#I've never had a fucking moment to just. sit down. and think. and make decisions about my life. everything just. happens to me#I just. feel so lost and stuck and doomed and it won't fucking get better! it won't! my life got better ONE TIME and it has been pure hell#since then#like. no. it won't get better. this will keep happening over and over and over#I'll never have a choice. not really. I fucked up my life permanently when I dropped out of school at 18 and tbh I wish I would've just bee#brave enough to do what I really wanted then (killing myself)#because fuck. this is not worth it#literally everyone I love is either really fucking far away or just. fictional.#I have no close relationships with anyone irl#everyone I know irl is mean and kind of an asshole. and I'm too useless to meet new people.#I just. I don't want to survive anymore I want to live but I can't have that so. what's the goddamn point#its gonna be fine. because I'm a fucking coward so I'll never do it anyway. but I fucking wish I could
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bodega-catto · 4 months
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bixels · 3 months
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tarpit site.
#personal#delete later#for context a tweet i made in the middle of the night blew the fuck up and brought the attention of anime fans who've been#harassing and hassling me about my big factual blunder for an entire day straight#“ok i'll apologize” “bro it's not that serious.”#“you're right it's not that serious“ ”why won't you just admit that you're wrong and apologize!“#i'm not going crazy right. i feel like i'm getting manipulated into thinking i must've been wrong#it's crazy how twitter hate will trick you into believing saying something someone else disagrees with is a moral failing#sorry i haven't seen frieren i guess but what's it to you. i wasn't making a claim or statement#also because nobody has gotten this in the original post i wasn't talking about the quality of animation i'm talking about solid drawing#which is a very specific principle of animation. dandandan has really good solid drawing wherein all the characters are animated#with realistic and proportional 3d depth. newsflash but trigger doesn't prioritize solid drawing in their animation and that's fine#it's an aesthetic choice and has ties to production limits. none of this is a big deal. this is all so stupid lol#i've dealt with worse and more annoying weebs though it's fine i'll put on my clown nose twitter needs their stupid guy for the day#oh btw at the end of the day this doesn't matter. it'll be over by tomorrow. all that's happening is petty angry emotions.#so please don't involve yourself by jumping into the argument and prolonging this shit#i'm about to go on a date with tulli after being apart for a month this is the furtherest thing from my mind rn
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aliensfuckmeup · 12 days
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You heard of cat Siffrin. What if it was cat Loop, and they were a huge dick?
Inspired by discord convo with @murkyskull
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transmascissues · 7 months
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“trans men don’t have any real safety concerns to worry about” i can’t wear a mask when i go into public bathrooms even though i’m higher risk and bathrooms are some of the easiest places to get sick because i don’t reliably pass when my facial hair is covered and i can’t risk not passing when i use the men’s room, but i also can’t just use the women’s room for safety anymore because i don’t reliably pass as either binary gender anymore. so my only options are to risk getting sick, take my chances with the consequences of not passing, or just never use the bathroom in public (which has its own health risks).
and today, it almost didn’t even matter that i was putting myself in danger to ensure that i passed because, thanks to a faulty lock and a man who didn’t think to knock, i came very close to having my half-naked body exposed to a bathroom full of cis men. if i hadn’t been holding my coat on my lap because there was nowhere in the stall to put it, every single guy waiting in the (very crowded) bathroom would’ve seen that i didn’t have a dick. how well do you think that would’ve gone for me? my money’s on Not Well At All.
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archi-pelago · 3 months
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nonspoilery shadow of the erdtree doodle
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vampcaprisun · 8 months
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why do all of the options for talking to wyll after mizora's punishment feel so mean? the poor guy just got sent through the tortures of the nine hells and had his body permanently changed, and it's clear that all of this is because mizora was deceiving him, and you're telling me i can't just...check in on him? like what's even the point of having five different options if all of them are just different flavors of "you had it coming"? i think he's been beaten down enough by the devil who just showed up to fuck him over and treat him like something less than human while doing it, let me just be nice to him!!!!!
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axoqiii · 3 months
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☕️🥞 sketch dump
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aardvaark · 2 months
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the leverage team would have had a games night… once. everyone cheated so much and in such increasingly extreme ways that all mentions of monopoly are banned in their headquarters (this makes talking about marks who monopolize the market very confusing)
#leverage#nate wouldn’t cheat but he’d be by far the most annoying still. like he’d conduct a whole Scheme to win and give a little monologue wheneve#he made a good move and everyone would want to kill him#parker woukd obvs be stealing money & cards and she’d move their pieces and swap their stuff#but also she’d try to use her turn to rob the bank#sophie would use neurolinguistic programming and dominate the board w properties#which somehow parker would literally never land on and that’s incredibly suspicious but none of them really know how she could possibly be#manipulating that fact? it’s logically impossible bc they’re watching her roll the die and move the piece and sophie knows which properties#she owns so it makes no sense. but parker is parker and she simply will not be caught (even by sophie’s properties)#hardison has studied monopoly theory (yes there are math theories on how to play monopoly) and /tries/ to abide by them but again. sophie i#manipulating him and parker is stealing from him (and sometimes oddly enough *for* him. new money ends up in his bank somehow) so it’s hard#so eventually he resorts to cheating like Everyone Fucking Else and does pretty well bc he rlly does know what sets he wants etc.#eliot is genuinely playing normally. no cheating no math stuff no schemes.#but he’s just sitting there fuming the entire time bc they’re all very obviously messing with the game and he Knew this was gonna happen bu#goddamn hardison & parker especially know how to get on his nerves (often purposely)#he calms down by making some snacks and. resorting to also cheating lol.#leverageposting
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genericpuff · 4 months
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can't wait for the finale to unlock for free so we can get round 2 of-
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ilynpilled · 2 months
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Wait, it's been a long time since I read ASOIAF, but did Jaime flopping at Joffreys nameday journey change the history of Westeros? (In addition to leaving Ser Addam Bongwater destitute). Cause Littlefinger lost the Catspaw dagger to Robert in a bet, which was then used in the Joffrey ordered assasination of Bran, which lead to Catelyn taking Tyrion prisoner.
The flop heard around the world.
everything that ever happened in the history of asoiaf is a result of an action jaime did or did not take once he can be blamed for everything ever
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i don't know if you guys have been keeping up with the women's world cup but this past sunday spain won against england. and you would think this would be the best moment of their careers and their lives but you wanna know what happened?
the spanish football federation's president non-consensually kissed one of the players, jenni hermoso, on the mouth when they were celebrating. this grown ass man took it upon himself to ruin the celebration for ALL the women who just achieved the thing they have been preparing for all their lives, literally the peak of a football player's career, they did it and he by himself ruined it.
and i say all the women because the other players, along 58 currently inactive and ex-players, stood up for jenni hermoso and have refused to play for the team until luis rubiales publicly apologizes and renounces his spot. now the rfef says they'll take legal action against the players and jenni for lying and because they have an obligation to play for the team.
do you remember how the men's world cup celebrations went? i do, im from argentina. no one said anything to any of the players, they were treated like kings for months and they are worshipped to this day. and rightfully so! they earned it i guess. but we do see the discrepancy?
how is it that we allow as a society for one man to sexually assault a woman right after achieving the thing another group of men got ceaselessly venerated for not even a year later? what do women have to do to earn respect? win the world cup? become the pride and joy of their country?
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pictureday2005 · 1 year
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DONT REPOST THIS thanks
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butchviking · 10 months
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trans ppl who patronise and shit-talk detransitioners are like people who patronise and shit-talk disabled or homeless people. you idiot. you fucking moron. that could happen to you.
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arrowmaker15 · 10 months
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(All 5 of the original Robins meeting thanks to the Flash family fucking with the timeless/multiverse again)
Jason (As Robin 2): Wait a fuckin' minute, I *die*!?
Tim (As Robin 3): Yes, that is correct.
Dick (As Robin 1): I'm still stuck on the fact that not only do I get fired, but four more Robins come after me. And that this eleven-year-old stalked both me and you for years!
Tim (R3): I'm 13, almost 14.
Steph (As Robin 4): I'm only around for a few months? Why?
Damian (As Robin 5): You initiated a protocol that Batman was meant to be around for without telling him. You then caused a gang war, Black Mask discovered your identity, he kidnapped you, tortured you, then assumedly killed you. Dr. Thompkins in actuality faked your death and after a while you returned. Then you started dating Drake.
Tim (R3): Is that part really important to mention?
Jason (R2): Yes, now, how the hell do I die, Replacement?
Tim (R3): Joker beats you with a crowbar then blows you up in a warehouse in Ethiopia.
Jason (R2): And... And B doesn't kill him?
Damian (R5): No. But Grayson does.
Dick (R1): I what now!?
Steph (R4): Don't worry, the B-Man brings him back to life shortly after.
Jason (R2): He does fuckin' WHAT!!??
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brainrotcharacters · 1 month
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"His little pet Wolverine."
"Tell me somethin'. Are you pissy because I left, or because I'm with him now?"
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