#lille venn...

[isbergillustration]

Suicidal Ideation Sunday (advance)

[tangredont]

hi peps! what's number 21 on your spotify wrapped?

21 - Cocaine Jesus by Rainbow Kitten Surprise

“Call me when you want, or just call me when you need it

If you only ever need it for the day”

Ugh and it’s there because of nick and I always think of them when I listen to it

[lucawrites11]

hei!

chapter two: lille venn

[kid!fic, light angst, fluff, first date]

Ingrid looked at herself in the mirror when she got in the lift. She needed the blush to fade so it looked like she hadn't just kissed the girl that she'd been crushing on for months. Lily had Frido's number now and she couldn't handle the teasing or Frido telling her over and over again that she needed to tell María. She knew she needed to tell María, it just intimidated her. It had gone badly too many times.

She stepped out of the lift, taking a deep breath as she walked up to her door and unlocked it. She opened the door quietly and saw Frøya, who really should be sleeping, sitting in the middle of the floor with Lily looking completely broken behind her. She took her shoes off and walked into the lounge. Frøya noticed her, "Hei Mamma (Hi mama)," she smiled innocently, stretching her arms out for Ingrid to pick her up.

"Hei lille venn (Hi little love)," she laughed, lifting her onto her hip, "Have you been refusing to nap for Lily again?"

"Yep," Lily sighed.

read on ao3

[rt8815]

Come Home

Dipping my toes back into writing with my very first Loki x OC fic, though she (Dr. Aspen Junge) only makes a brief appearance at the end of this piece.

It's post-Avengers canon divergent. I'll be jumping around non-chronologically, but perhaps not as much as my Criminal Minds OC fic.

A special thanks to @illegalcerebral for brainstorming names for my OC with me and for being an awesome sounding board ♥️

WC: 1,153

...

New York, 2030

Loki mumbled to himself, brow furrowed in concentration. He sat at his desk, sorting through forms and intelligence reports that Stark had sent earlier in the day. Being an Avenger involved a surprising amount of paperwork.

“Daddy?” a tiny voice called out from the study door. There stood Loki’s four year old daughter, her face slightly paled with tiredness.

Setting the papers aside, he opened his arms to her. “Why are you out of bed, lille venn?” he asked when she climbed into his lap.

“Fenny can't sleep,” she explained, handing him the wolf plushie that she had been clutching against her ribs.

“Mmm, and what's troubling him, Astrid?”

“We’re worried about Uncle Thor. Is he okay?”

“Why do you ask, love?”

She pointed at the window, which was getting steadily pelted with rain and sleet.

“His storm sounds sad, Daddy,” she explained, leaning her head against his shoulder. “It’s not loud like usual.”

Loki agreed that it looked rather miserable outside, all drizzly and gray.

“You miss him,” he stated simply, earning a solemn nod in response.

Placing a finger beneath her chin, he tilted her head back, revealing her melancholic face.

“It’s kind of you to be concerned about your Uncle Thor, but this,” he inclined his head toward the rain, “isn’t him. Asgard is too far away for him to influence the weather here.”

“Oh,” came her soft reply.

He brushed a few inky black, wavy locks off her face. “As for missing him...I know it’s hard to wait, but Thor will return soon.”

“How soon?”

“Two sleeps, darling.”

Astrid gazed blankly at the rain, digesting the information. “So...day after tomorrow.”

“Correct.”

She buried herself in her father’s chest with a huff. “I suppose that’s acceptable.”

Loki chuckled, nuzzling her hair.

“All right, back to bed with you,” he ordered as he stood from his chair and carried her down the hall. “We have a busy day ahead of us, and if you aren’t well rested, you’ll be as ornery as a bilgesnipe.”

Kneeling, he gently placed Astrid on her bed, but she sat back up before he could tuck her in. Loki raised his brows at her questioningly.

“Daddy, can we sing “Come Home” for Uncle Thor? Please?” she begged.

Loki hesitated. The song he had written many years ago in a bout of homesickness was meant to be sung by the weary traveler, not those awaiting his return. Moreover, it held very complicated feelings for him. His daughter, however, knew none of that.

Astrid’s hazel eyes rounded and her lower lip jutted out ever so slightly, pulling at Loki’s heartstrings.

Norns, that child had him wrapped around her fingers. He sighed in resignation.

“Very well, but not too loudly. We mustn’t wake your Mother.”

“Okay,” she whispered, waving her hands about, leaving behind a trail of teal sparks. “And you can use your ‘llusions too?”

Loki carefully enveloped Astrid’s hands in his own. “With your help,” he said, smiling when her face lit up.

“Focus,” he instructed. “Think of the object you wish to project. See it in your mind's eye. Do you have it?”

Astrid stared with comical intensity at their joined hands, a little dent forming on her forehead. “Got it,” she announced after a few moments.

“Good, keep concentrating,” he instructed as he opened his hands, prompting her to do the same.

Resting in Astrid's palms was a narrow insect nearly an inch long, with black wings accented by yellow along the edges, and a yellow-red-black target pattern on its head. As Loki watched, the creature unfurled its wings and took off, hovering a few inches in the air.

There the black and yellow underbelly was exposed, the latter of which began glowing at regular intervals.

“It's a lightning bug!” Astrid announced proudly.

“I see! Very well done,” Loki congratulated her.

“Thanks! Your turn, Daddy.”

“I don't know how I could possibly follow that performance, but I shall try.”

Closing his eyes, Loki slowly raised his arms, palms upward. Rich green light emanated from them, spreading throughout the room, replacing the furniture and bookcases with a verdant forest, teeming with wildlife.

A (quietly) roaring waterfall appeared where a lamp stood moments before, the stream it emptied into bubbling alongside Astrid's bed. Above them towered a majestic apple tree, its branches populated with vibrantly colored birds.

“Ready, sweetheart?” he asked, opening his eyes.

“Ready.”

Music softly swelled around them as they began the chorus, altering the tune to that of a lullaby:

Men trærne de danser og fossene stanser

Når hun synger, hun synger “kom hjem”

Men trærne de danser og fossene stanser

When she sings, she sings “come home”

When she sings, she sings “come home”

After a pause, Loki took the lead for the verse, his warm baritone voice settling over the room like a cozy blanket.

I stormsvarte fjell, jeg vandrer alene

Over isbreen tar jeg meg frem

I eplehagen står møyen den vene

Og synger…

Loki gestured to Astrid, inviting her to finish the line.

She looked skyward, her fledgling soprano filling the air as she sweetly sang, “når kommer du hjem?”

They repeated the chorus once more, softly clapping to the beat of the fading music.

Men trærne de danser og fossene stanser

Når hun synger, hun synger “kom hjem”

Men trærne de danser og fossene stanser

When she sings, she sings “come home”

When she sings, she sings “come home”

With a flick of Loki’s wrists, the illusion dissolved and Astrid’s room returned to normal.

“Right, you. Sleepy time,” he said firmly, pressing his index finger to her forehead, prompting her to fall back theatrically onto the pillows.

“Did Uncle Thor hear us, Daddy?”

Loki hummed as he tucked the covers around her.

“What do you think, Astrid?”

The little girl tilted her head, giving it careful consideration.

She nodded decidedly, hugging Fenny closely.

“I know he did.”

Loki smiled, lines crinkling around his eyes.

“That's what I believe too,” he agreed, kissing the top of Astrid's head.

Sleep finally began to win, Astrid’s eyelids drooping heavily.

“God natt, Pappa,” she yawned.

Loki’s chest squeezed hearing her speak in Frigga’s dialect.

He waved his hand once more, casting an illusion of stars and swirling galaxies on the bedroom ceiling.

“God natt, min skatt,” he replied as he closed the door softly.

He walked past the study on his way to the primary suite (the paperwork would keep), pausing outside the bedroom door.

“Heimdall?” he murmured. “Tell Thor a little girl is desperately missing her uncle.”

Creeping quietly, Loki made his way to the bed to slide under the covers and wrap his arm around Aspen.

“Ya big softie,” she mumbled, pointing to the silent video feed on the baby monitor.

Loki chuckled in response. There was no point in denying it.

He pulled her closer and burrowed his face in her hair.

“Only for the two of you.”

...

I headcanon that Asgardian sounds more Icelandic, and Vanir, which I assume Frigga would have spoken as a first language, would more closely resemble Norwegian, since that's the language they used in the Loki series.

Lille venn translates to "little friend," or in the context of a parent speaking to a child, it means "little darling."

God natt means "good night."

Min skatt means "my treasure."

[yellowkitkieran]

To Have and To Heal (Part 1)

Masterlist

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: Single working dad Martin Odegaard is navigating the ups and downs of parenthood all on his own, and he’s struggling. That’s not to mention football, life and... love?

"Søta, you have to go to school."

"Nei! I don't want to papa- I wanna go with you!" 

Martin draws up his dad voice, pointing a finger at her. "Atla Marie Ødegaard, you're going to class and that's final."

Being a single dad is the most challenging role Martin Ødegaard has to play. Captaining Arsenal has its ups and downs, don't get him wrong- but nothing is more complicated than a five year old hell bent on eating a bowl of skittles for breakfast. And bath time? Forget it; he'd rather get red carded and ejected from a match in the first five minutes than have to wrangle her into the tub to wash off the day's dirt. 

Atla crosses her tiny arms over her chest, blonde curls bouncing as she shakes her head. "I'm going with you papa. I'm not going to school." 

Martin sighs, tipping his head back with his eyes closed. They have this argument, or one similar, nearly every morning. Today it’s bargaining to tag along to training and tomorrow it will probably be Atla bargaining for ten more minutes of sleep. Is it too much to ask for one easy day? If his daughter isn't begging to come with him to training, she's refusing to brush her teeth or wear what he's picked out for her. Every day there's some sort of battle… but that's parenthood.

“You have to go.” 

“I don’t want to! Please let me come with you papa.” The slightly pouted lip that accompanies her request nearly has Martin folding. He would jump through flaming hoops above a pit of hungry crocodiles to make his daughter happy, but he simply can’t always give her what she wants, when she wants it.

Knowing he has exactly one card he can play to prevent her impending tearful meltdown, Martin sighs. 

"You've already missed too many days this month, Attie. I'll get in trouble if you don't go, and I won't be able to play if I'm in trouble. You wanna watch papa play this weekend, don't you?"

Atla tugs on her pigtail, frowning at her half finished plate of pancakes. She's a spitting image of her mother- right down to her nose and her fine, light lashes that brush her cheeks. The only bit of him that she's inherited is her fair hair and bright eyes- everything else is wholly her mum. Martin doesn’t mind that- he misses her, and mornings like this only make the ache in his chest worse. 

"Okay papa," Atla murmurs finally, much to Martin’s relief. "But when I get home can we play keepy ups?"

"Of course we can, søta. Papa will always play keepy ups with you. Now go get your bag, make sure you have your book to return to the library."

"Okay pa!" Atla hops off her chair, grinning as she comes around the island to wrap herself around Martin’s leg in a hug. “I love you pa! You’re my favorite pa ever.” 

Martin’s heart turns to mush, “I love you too, lille venn. Hurry up before you make us late again.” 

Raising her on his own is tough, but he wouldn't trade moments like this for all the wealth in the world. Martin loves her smile more than anything.

Martin’s focus shifts to packing his own lunch while Atla bounces up the steps to the second floor to grab her things. His lunch is far less glamorous than his daughters, lacking the sandwich cut in the shape of a star (the only way she’ll eat one these days) and the cherry tomatoes cut perfectly in half. Instead, he shoves a protein bar from the back of the cupboard into his bag, along with two pieces of toast leftover from breakfast. It’ll do, he supposes. 

"Pa- did you pack me a kake?" Martin smiles and hands her a bright pink lunch box of her own before he bends at the waist to pick her up.

"Yes Attie I did, I wouldn't forget the best part would I?" Martin shifts to prop her on his hip, smattering her cheeks with kisses until she giggles and shoves her little fists at his chest. 

"Pa, stop! Stop-" Atla cuts herself off with a squeal, tucking her head to Martin's shoulder. He laughs, smoothing a hand over her hair. His daughter is beautiful, just like her mum. If he concentrates hard enough, he can move past the hurt and remember how similar her laugh was to Atla’s, or how she always sang her to sleep at night. 

Martin wasn’t ever supposed to do this alone. He had a partner at his side, someone he loved with his whole heart and wanted to spend every waking moment with. He dreamed of a family with his wife at his side, with a bundle of children and animals to occupy their time with. 

But no one can escape fate. No one can live forever, and no one can have everything they dream of. These are fundamental truths, though Martin struggles to accept them. 

Martin's smile grows wistful, his demeanor softened by nostalgia. Atla frowns, in tune with his sudden mood swing. "What's wrong pa?" She reaches up to touch his lips like she's trying to make his smile reappear. "Why aren't you happy?"

"You look like your mum today," he says simply, pushing past the lump in his throat. Atla grins, wrapping her arms around Martin's neck for a hug. This is part of their morning routine too, as integral and unmissable as breakfast. 

"You say that every morning papa."

"I know I do, Attie. I don't want you to forget her." The last part is mumbled, more for himself than the toddler in his arms. She'll bounce back- she only knew her mum for three years, not ten like Martin had. It is proving much harder for him to get over their loss than for Atla. For quick flashes, sometimes he resents Atla’s mom for leaving him so soon. Then he realizes almost immediately how foolish he is for even thinking such a thing. 

"I won't forget mama, I promise. No more sad." Atla possesses far too much emotional empathy for such a young girl, though Martin is extremely grateful for it. He isn’t sure he would get through mornings like this without her. 

Martin pulls a false smile onto his face, one that becomes genuine when Atla smiles at him, too. She won't remember her mum in a few years and that's okay. It's Martin's job to teach her about her mum down the road, and that's a job he takes seriously. 

"Good. Now let's get you to school before they call me asking where you are again."

**********

Truthfully, you love your job. You don't mind that you're the designated early arrival teacher; you're an early riser anyway and this allows you to connect with and mentor students beyond your own classroom. You also don’t mind the extra money on your paycheck thanks to the few extra hours you work before and after classes each day. 

Becoming a teacher was in the cards for you since the moment you set foot in a school as a toddler. Out of all your friends, you were always the one offering to tutor them or set up study groups for exams. The idea of molding young minds and you strive to reach as many as possible. You teach a class of fifteen seven year olds, each of whom you love with your whole heart. It's nice to touch the lives of more students of every age, regardless of how small the impact may be.

Today you have a dozen kids in the gymnasium, aged from four to ten. They mostly pair off in their usual groups, as they do most mornings. This early, your job is easy. Most of the children are still half asleep or actually asleep on one of the cots in the corner, like six year old Rose. She loves her morning naps and you envy her on the ones after a late night of lesson planning. 

Other kids play with toys or kick about a football, laughing quietly while being conscious of their sleepy peers. Satisfied that no one is intent on causing trouble this morning, you return to your planner until your calm is interrupted by a shriek of your name. A grin instantly splits your face and you brace yourself for the small body that slams into your legs moments later. 

You bend down to return her hug, "Good morning Atla! Thank you for the hug, you're the best hugger I've ever met."

Martin Ødegaard comes strolling in a few paces after his daughter. Upon seeing her wrapped around your legs he smiles, tapping her shoulder and convincing her to let go with a single look. "Good morning Miss Sunshine," he drawls, his accent notably thicker than normal as he addresses you by the nickname your students have given you. "She's got loads of energy this morning, so good luck."

"I'm sure I can handle her, don't worry too much. I've got coloring books-"

"Coloring books!" Atla shrieks, earning raised brows from the pair of you as she runs off to find them. Children can be simple creatures, requiring little to keep them entertained. Atla, you’ve learned, is one of those children, preferring creative, collaborative activities that involve as many of her peers as possible. You and Martin share a knowing smile when she offers a second box of crayons to a boy sitting near her, pointing to her own page before sliding it between them to share. 

"She does love being crafty," Martin laughs, hands in his pockets. "Anyway, I hope your day is less chaotic than mine is shaping up to be. I'll be back at four to pick her up, I'm assuming you'll be here?" 

"As always.” You tip your head to see around Martin’s broad frame, scanning the room to ensure the growing quiet isn’t anything you need to be concerned about. Once you determine you’re in the clear, your gaze returns to where Martin had been standing a minute before, only to notice him heading for the door. 

“Oh, Mr. Ødegaard- one moment please."  

Martin pauses at the threshold, eyebrows raised. "Yes?"

You smile at Martin, shaking your head. "Mr. Ødegaard-"

"Please, you can call me Martin, I've told you a thousand times." Normally, you have a strict rule about calling parents by their first names when children are within earshot. Parents generally don’t mind, understanding why you do it, but Martin insists on being on a first name basis… Which you can’t exactly say you are opposed to. 

"Martin." Your face heats when he grins, nodding in approval. "There's a permission slip that needs signing if you have a moment."

Martin smacks his forehead, "that's right! I completely forgot- you're touring the stadium this week, right?"

"Yes, we are thanks to you!" You beam at him, "my kids are all excited. None of them have stopped chattering about it since they learned about football in PE- and they're excited for a maths lesson while they're there, which is a feat in itself."

You have no idea how he managed to secure a backstage tour of the Emirates stadium for nearly a hundred students, but you aren’t about to complain. Field trips are rarely this exciting, so this is an opportunity you won’t miss. 

"Attie said everyone's looking forward to it, I'm just glad I could help make it happen for you lot." Martin runs a hand through his hair, looking like he wants to say more on the subject, though he shakes his head. "Right I need to get to work, if I could sign that?"

"Oh- of course!" You hand over the paper you're holding, watching as Martin grabs a purple pen off your desk and signs on the line. He hands it back with a charming smile, hiking his thumb over his shoulder. 

"Duty calls."

You mimic the gesture, "ditto. Have a good day Martin."

Martin's smile grows impossibly wider as he waves to Atla, who returns the gesture and screams her own goodbye. The energetic blonde is one of your more behaved pupils, despite only having Martin to raise her. 

Perhaps it's because of her absent mum that you've grown so attached to her so quickly; whatever the case, she's easily one of your favorites. That isn't to say you don't love each student in your class. You treat each like you would your own child, though some you naturally bond with more than others. Such is human nature, and as long as you don't blatantly show said favoritism, it isn't an issue. 

"Miss Sunshine? Is it snack time yet?"

You crouch down to be level with the student tugging at your pant leg and ruffle his short brown locks. "I don't know, is it? What time do you have snacks Billy?"

"Umm…" the young man taps his chin thoughtfully, foot moving in sync. "Oh! Ten thirty."

"And right now it's what time?" You nod to the clock on the wall, waiting for him to try. Telling time is one lesson you're aware he's currently working on in class, and you'll use every available opportunity to tutor students. Teaching moments can be found anywhere if one knows where to look and how to interpret situations creatively so kids don't get bored. 

"Uhh… it's seven… six?" 

You nod along with him, remaining encouraging, "You're half right, it's seven something. Try again- remember the big numbers aren't the minutes, they're the hours. You have to count by fives, remember?"

Billy nods, face scrunched in concentration. "It's… seven thirty!" 

"There you go! Great job- that's exactly right! So that means it isn’t quite snack time just yet. Why don’t you go color with Attie and see if that makes you less hungry?" 

“Oh- okay! Thank you Miss Sunshine!” You gratefully accept the hug he offers you, then shoo him off to play while the rest of the kids arrive. 

Eventually the clock marks eight thirty (which Billy happily informs you of mere seconds before the bell), and you usher the students to their respective classrooms before making your way to your own room.

You've done your best to create a comfortable, fun environment that fosters learning in all types of kids. There's beanbags they can choose to use instead of traditional chairs. Rows of books in all sizes and subjects line a shelf in the cozy corner, piled high with blankets for students to curl up in. Growing up you hated the harsh white lighting in most schools, which is why you have a few floor lamps scattered through the room to provide a level of warmth. Your prize bin is overflowing with bouncy balls and other little trinkets for kids to earn through academic means or through acts of kindness. 

You sigh, taking a seat at your desk and mentally preparing for the day ahead. It's been a long week and you're definitely glad it's Friday; going out with the girls tonight will be a blessing. 

**********

"Friday night is date night lads, you know that! I can't skip it again or my girl will have my head."

"Martin, you've said no to us for the last month! Just a few hours mate, come on!" It’s true, Martin hasn’t gone out with the team in ages. Being the captain means he knows that he should or he risks unrest within his team, but he’s been consistently putting family first which most of the lads respect. 

Martin shakes his head at Kieran, "Atla loves film nights right now. She won't be little forever Kieran, I need to spend as much time with her as I can before she gets to that stage where she wants nothing to do with me. Besides, I'm not even sure my sitter-"

Martin frowns when his phone chimes inside his locker. He pulls it out to see a message from his usual babysitter, Beth, stating that she is indeed available tonight. Kieran must have stolen Martin’s phone while he was in the shower and fired off a message to her in an attempt to convince him which is, regrettably, working in Kieran’s favor. 

If Martin is being honest, he could use a break. He's felt worn out lately and the idea of letting loose for a few hours seems like the perfect remedy to months worth of pent up stress. Doesn't mean he has to tell Kieran that though. 

"Cheeky bastard," Martin mumbles, glaring as Kieran beams. 

"Now you have no excuse. Two pints! You cannae say no!"

"You buying my pints?" 

Kieran waves a hand, "Yeah sure mate, if that's what it takes to get you out with us!"

"Fine, two pints! But that's all you get, then I'm going home to Atla." Kieran's fist pumps the empty air, clearly excited to have convinced Martin. He jogs off to tell the other boys the good news, and Martin texts Beth to confirm what time she'll need to be over. He still intends to pick Atla up from school, so Beth shouldn't need to be over for more than a few hours later that night. 

Martin checks his watch. If he leaves now instead of waiting to be the last out like he usually is, he could pick Atla up a touch early and maybe still squeeze in a movie. 

After a quick word with Kieran, Martin grabs his things and jogs to his car. Atla's school isn't more than fifteen minutes from the training grounds, which is partly the reason why he enrolled her there in the first place. Of course, the excellent ratings and reviews he read pages of didn't hurt either. 

If there is one thing Martin is certain of, it is that he will do whatever it takes to provide his daughter with the best possible life she can have. Whether that be driving her to a private school across town or dipping out early from training to bring her lunch, he'll always make sure she knows she's loved and has the world at her feet. 

Feigning a doctor's appointment that he apologetically forgot he'd made, Martin convinces the front office staff that he needs to take Atla home early. He waits in the lobby, scrolling on his phone until he hears her melodic voice.

"Hi papa! Why are we going home so early?”

Martin tucks his phone away and crouches to sweep her into a hug. No matter what sort of day he's had, an Attie hug can make all his troubles dissolve in seconds. "Because you have an appointment, little one."

"Oh." Martin has to bite his lip to keep the smile off his face when her disappointment shows. Her brows draw together in the most adorable pout he’s ever seen, until her eyes begin to sparkle when he winks at her. Martin thanks the teacher that walked Atla out, picks his daughter up and shifts her onto his hip so he can sign the paper pushed at him. Once they're safely out of earshot, Atla murmurs, "why are we really going early pa?"

"Papa's gonna treat you to an early film night, how's that sound?" 

"Yay!" Martin shushes her when she shouts, her little body unable to contain her adult-sized excitement. "Sorry pa… can I have chocolates?"

"You always get chocolates on film nights don't you? Of course you can." Martin sets her in her car seat, helping her pull her arms through the straps. 

"I can do it." She lightly slaps Martin's hands away from the buckles and he watches as she studiously straps herself into her car seat. Attie is one of the most independent toddlers Martin has ever met; if there is a task she thinks she can do on her own, she won't stop until she is given the opportunity to try.

She beams triumphantly when she slots the three buckles in correctly, patting Martin's chest with unmatched tenderness. "I told you pa, I can do it!"

Martin shakes his head, leaning forward to kiss her nose. "When did you get so big, hmm? I swear, just yesterday your feet couldn't even touch the seat in front of you, now look." He points to where her pink sneakers have scuffed the back of the passenger seat, leaving little black marks he doesn't have the heart to erase. They're a semi permanent reminder of Atla being this little.

"I'm big and strong like you! And I'm gonna be bigger than you one day!" Atla puffs out her chest in the most adorable way, reminding him instantly of some of the lads. 

"You've been around your uncle Kieran way too much if you've learned that from him. Now tell me what you learned today søta, like you always do."

Martin listens and sneaks glances in his rearview as Atla explains her playground exploits and her foamy-volcano science experiment in colorful detail. Her pigtails bounce when she shakes her head and waves her hands to try and replicate the way the volcanoes erupted when they combined the ingredients as instructed, and Martin's heart aches. 

His daughter won't be so young and innocent forever.

[acreaturecalledgreed]

norwegian dub silco addressing powder not as “lille jenta” which would be an acceptable and literal translation of “little girl” which unfortunately in english can come across as anywhere from gentle to condescending to creepy but instead as “lille venn” meaning “little friend” which is a super common term of endearment when talking to children or small animals and its fucking soft and my heart-

[ao3feed-darklina]

by Madismen

“I think I’m drunk, Uncle Sasha.”

  The lips disappear from her skin and she wants to beg him to put them back, to forget that she said anything at all. Puts her face in the crook of his neck instead, the weight of her head too much suddenly.

  “Oh, you’re definitely drunk malyshka.”

_____________

There is a world where he leaves.

And then there is this one.

Where he stays.

Words: 4204, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 7 of Max Cinematic Universe, Part 2 of Gudene Skrattet AUs

Fandoms: Shadow and Bone (TV), The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/M

Characters: Alina Starkov, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova, Max

Relationships: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gudene Skrattet AU, Dubious Consent, Drunk Sex, Light Bondage, Naked Female Clothed Male, Dirty Talk, Breeding Kink, light Dacryphilia, Possessive Behavior, Uncle Sasha - Freeform, "Go on take another sip", Pet Names

[norwegiatlas]

Disney Classics' Titles in Norwegian 🇳🇴

Here's a list of the Norwegian titles of the 62 Disney classics (including the upcoming Wish)! The movies that have the same title in Norwegian as in English are not included here.

✨1 Snehvit og de syv dvergene / Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

snø (m) - snow (sne is riksmål) hvit - white syv - seven dverg (m) - dwarf

✨7 Donald møter nye venner / The Three Caballeros (lit. "Donald meets new friends)

å møte - to meet ny - new venn (m) - friend

✨8 Spill for meg! / Make Mine Music (lit. "Play for me!")

å spille - to play for - for meg - me

✨9 Gøy og gammen / Fun and Fancy Free (lit. Fun and joy)

gøy - fun gammen (n) - joy

✨11 Ichabod og Paddas eventyr / The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (lit. The adventure(s) of Ichabod and the Toad)

padde (f/m) - toad eventyr (n) - adventure; fairy tale

✨12 Askepott / Cinderella

aske (f/m) - ash pott - (doesn't really have a meaning)

✨13 Alice i Eventyrland / Alice in Wonderland (lit. Alice in Fairy Tale Land)

i - in eventyr (n) - fairy tale; adventure land (n) - land

✨15 Lady og Landstrykeren / The Lady and the Tramp

lady (m) - Lady; stylish and elegant woman landstryker (m) - tramp

✨16 Tornerose / Sleeping Beauty (lit. Thornrose)

torn (m) - thorn rose (f/m) - rose

✨17 101 dalmatinere - En sjarmør i pels / One Hundred and One Dalmatians (lit. 101 dalmatians - a furry charmer)

dalmatiner (m) - Dalmatian sjamør (m) - charmer i - in pels (m) - fur

✨18 Sverdet i stenen / The Sword in the Stone

sverd (n) - sword i - in sten, stein (m) - stone, rock

✨19 Jungelboken / The Jungle Book

jungel (m) - jungle bok (f/m) - book

✨20 Aristokattene / The Aristocats

aristokrat (m) - aristocrat katt (m) - cat

✨22 Filmen om Ole Brumm / The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (lit. The movie about Winnie the Pooh)

film (m) - movie, film om - about å brumme - to growl, snarl

✨23 Bernard og Bianca / The Rescuers (lit. Bernard and Bianca)

✨24 To gode venner - Todd og Copper / The Fox and the Hound (lit. Two good friends - Todd and Copper)

to - two god - good venn (m) - friend

✨25 Taran og den sorte gryte / The Black Cauldron (lit. Taran and the black cauldron)

sort, svart - black gryte (f/m) - cauldron

✨26 Mesterdetektiven Basil Mus / The Great Mouse Detective (lit. The master detective Basil Mouse)

mester- - master detektiv (m) - detective mus (f/m) - mouse

✨27 Oliver og gjengen / Oliver & Company (lit. Oliver and the gang)

gjeng (m) - gang

✨28 Den lille havfruen / The Little Mermaid

liten - little, small havfrue (f/m) - mermaid

✨29 Bernard og Bianca i Australia / The Rescuers Down Under (lit. Bernard and Bianca in Australia)

i - in

✨30 Skjønnheten og udyret / The Beauty and the Beast

skjønnhet (f/m) - beauty udyr (n) - beast

✨32 Løvenes konge / The Lion King (lit. The king of the lions)

løve (f/m) - lion konge (m) - king

✨34 Ringeren i Notre Dame / The Hunchback of Notre Dame

ringer (m) - bell ringer

✨40 Keiserens nye rike - Et kongerike for en lama / The Emperor's New Groove (lit. The emperors new empire - A kingdom for a llama)

keiser (m) - emperor rike (n) - empire ny - new kongerike (n) - kingdom for - for lama (m) - llama

✨41 Atlantis: En forsvunnet verden / Atlantis: The Lost Empire (lit. Atlantis: A lost world)

forsvunnet - lost, missing verden (m) - world

✨43 Sjørøverplaneten / Treasure Planet (lit. The Pirate Planet)

sjørøver, pirat (m) - pirate planet (m) - planet

✨44 Min bror bjørnen / Brother Bear (lit. My brother the bear)

min, mitt, mi - my bror (m) - brother bjørn (m) - bear

✨45 Q-gjengen / Home on the Range (lit. The cow* gang)

ku (f/m) cow gjeng (m) - gang

*the letter Q is pronounced in Norwegian the same way as the word "ku" (cow)

✨46 Lille kylling / Chicken Little (lit. Little chicken)

liten - little, small kylling (m) - chicken

✨47 Familien Robinson / Meet the Robinsons (lit. The Robinsons family)

familie (m) - family

✨49 Prinsessen og frosken / The Princess and the Frog

prinsesse (f/m) - princess frosk (m) - frog

✨50 To på rømmen / Tangled (lit. Two on the run)

to - two på rømmen - on the run på - on, at å rømme - to escape

✨51 Ole Brumm - Nye eventyr i Hundremeterskogen / Winnie the Pooh (lit. Winnie the Pooh - New adventures in the Hundred Acre Wood)

å brumme - to growl, snarl ny - new eventyr (n) - adventure; fairy tale i - in hundre - hundred meter (m) - meter, metre skog (m) - forest

✨52 Rive-Rolf / Wreck-it Ralph (lit. Tear-Down Rolf)

å rive - to tear down, demolish

✨53 Frost / Frozen (lit. Frost)

frost (m) - frost

✨55 Zootropolis - Dyreriket / Zootopia (lit. Zootropolis - The animal kingdom)

dyrerike (n) - animal kingdom

✨56 Vaiana / Moana

✨57 Rive-Rolf krasjer internett / Ralph Breaks the Internet (lit. Tear-Down Rolf crashes internet)

å rive - to tear down, demolish å krasje - to crash internett (n) - internet

✨58 Frost 2 / Frozen 2 (lit. Frost 2)

frost (m) - frost

✨59 Raya og den siste dragen / Raya and the Last Dragon

sist - last drage (m) - dragon

✨61 En annerledes verden / Strange World (lit. A different world)

annerledes - different verden (m) - world

✨62 Ønske / Wish

ønske (n) - wish

If you find any mistakes, please let me know!

[walrusi]

dont be afraid

lille venn

of violence

[pollonegro666]

2023/03/04 Anoche tuvimos que ir al hospital de urgencia porque mi amiguito el feo y su esposa han sido papás. La Pollitita tiene una nueva amiguita para jugar y bailar.

Last night we had to go to the emergency hospital because my ugly friend and his wife have become parents. The little pink cock has a new friend to play and dance with.

Google Translation into French: Hier soir, nous avons dû nous rendre aux urgences car mon vilain ami et sa femme sont devenus parents. Le petit coq rose a un nouvel ami avec qui jouer et danser.

Google translation into Italian: Ieri sera siamo dovuti andare al pronto soccorso perché il mio amico birichino e sua moglie sono diventati genitori. Il piccolo gallo rosa ha un nuovo amico con cui giocare e ballare.

Google Translation into Portuguese: Ontem à noite tivemos que ir ao pronto-socorro porque meu amigo travesso e sua esposa se tornaram pais. O galinho cor-de-rosa tem um novo amigo para brincar e dançar.

Google Translation into German: Letzte Nacht mussten wir in die Notaufnahme, weil mein ungezogener Freund und seine Frau Eltern geworden sind. Der kleine rosa Hahn hat einen neuen Freund zum Spielen und Tanzen.

Google Translation into Albanisch: Mbrëmë na u desh të shkonim në urgjencë sepse i dashuri im keq dhe gruaja e tij u bënë prindër. Gjeli i vogël rozë ka një mik të ri për të luajtur dhe kërcyer.

Google Translation into Armenian: Անցած գիշեր մենք ստիպված էինք գնալ շտապօգնություն, քանի որ իմ չարաճճի ընկերը և նրա կինը ծնողներ են դարձել: Փոքրիկ վարդագույն աքլորը նոր ընկեր ունի, ում հետ կարող է խաղալ և պարել:

Google Translation into Bulgarian: Снощи трябваше да отидем в спешното, защото палавото ми гадже и жена му станаха родители. Малкото розово петле има нов приятел, с който да играе и танцува.

Google Translation into Czech: Včera večer jsme museli na pohotovost, protože můj nezbedný přítel a jeho žena se stali rodiči. Malý růžový kohoutek má nového kamaráda, se kterým si může hrát a tančit.

Google Translation into Croatian: Sinoć smo morali na hitnu jer su moj zločesti dečko i njegova žena postali roditelji. Mali ružičasti pijetao ima novog prijatelja za igru ​​i ples.

Google Translation into Danish I aftes måtte vi på skadestuen, fordi min frække kæreste og hans kone blev forældre. Den lille lyserøde hane har fået en ny ven at lege og danse med.

Google Translation into Slovak: Včera večer sme museli ísť na pohotovosť, pretože môj nezbedný priateľ a jeho manželka sa stali rodičmi. Malý ružový kohút má nového kamaráta, s ktorým sa môže hrať a tancovať.

Google Translation into Slovenian: Včeraj zvečer sva morala na urgenco, ker sta moj navihani fant in njegova žena postala starša. Mali roza petelin ima novega prijatelja za igro in ples.

Google Translation into Estonian: Eile õhtul pidime minema kiirabisse, sest mu ulakas poiss-sõber ja tema naine said vanemateks. Väikesel roosal kukel on uus sõber, kellega mängida ja tantsida.

Google Translation into Suomi: Eilen illalla meidän piti mennä ensiapuun, koska tuhma poikaystävästäni ja hänen vaimostaan ​​tuli vanhempia. Pienellä vaaleanpunaisella kukolla on uusi ystävä, jonka kanssa leikkiä ja tanssia.

Google Translation into Greek: Χθες το βράδυ έπρεπε να πάμε στα επείγοντα γιατί ο άτακτος φίλος μου και η γυναίκα του έγιναν γονείς. Ο μικρός ροζ κόκορας έχει έναν νέο φίλο να παίξει και να χορέψει μαζί του.

Google Translation into Dutch: Gisteravond moesten we naar de eerste hulp omdat mijn ondeugende vriendje en zijn vrouw ouders werden. De kleine roze haan heeft een nieuwe vriend om mee te spelen en te dansen.

Google Translation into Norwegian: I går kveld måtte vi på legevakten fordi den slemme kjæresten min og kona hans ble foreldre. Den lille rosa hanen har en ny venn å leke og danse med.

Google Translation into Polish: Ostatniej nocy musieliśmy jechać na pogotowie, ponieważ mój niegrzeczny chłopak i jego żona zostali rodzicami. Mały różowy kogut ma nowego przyjaciela do zabawy i tańca.

Google Translation into Romanian: Aseară a trebuit să mergem la camera de urgență pentru că iubitul meu obraznic și soția lui au devenit părinți. Micul cocos roz are un nou prieten cu care sa se joace si sa danseze.

Google Translation into Russian: Прошлой ночью нам пришлось ехать в отделение неотложной помощи, потому что мой непослушный парень и его жена стали родителями. У маленького розового петуха появился новый друг, с которым можно играть и танцевать.

Google Translation into Serbian: Синоћ смо морали у хитну јер су мој несташни дечко и његова жена постали родитељи. Мали ружичасти петао има новог пријатеља са којим се игра и игра.

Google Translation into Swedish: Igår kväll fick vi åka till akuten eftersom min stygga pojkvän och hans fru blev föräldrar. Den lilla rosa tuppen har en ny vän att leka och dansa med.

Google Translation into Turkish: Dün gece yaramaz erkek arkadaşım ve eşi anne baba oldukları için acil servise gitmek zorunda kaldık. Küçük pembe horozun birlikte oynayıp dans edeceği yeni bir arkadaşı var.

Google Translation into Ukrainian: Вчора ввечері нам довелося йти до реанімації, тому що мій неслухняний хлопець і його дружина стали батьками. У маленького рожевого півника з’явився новий друг, з яким можна грати й танцювати.

Google Translation into Arabic: الليلة الماضية كان علينا الذهاب إلى غرفة الطوارئ لأن صديقي المشاغب وزوجته أصبحا والدين. الديك الصغير الوردي لديه صديق جديد للعب والرقص معه.

Google Translation into Bengali: গত রাতে আমাদের জরুরি রুমে যেতে হয়েছিল কারণ আমার দুষ্টু প্রেমিক এবং তার স্ত্রী বাবা-মা হয়েছেন। ছোট্ট গোলাপী মোরগের সাথে খেলতে এবং নাচতে একটি নতুন বন্ধু আছে।

Google Translation into Simplified Chinese: 昨晚我们不得不去急诊室，因为我顽皮的男朋友和他的妻子成了父母。 粉红色的小公鸡有一个可以一起玩耍和跳舞的新朋友。

Google Translation into Korean: 어젯밤에 우리는 장난꾸러기 남자친구와 그의 아내가 부모가 되었기 때문에 응급실에 가야 했습니다. 작은 분홍 수탉은 함께 놀고 춤출 수 있는 새로운 친구가 생겼습니다.

Google Translation into Hebrew: אתמול בערב נאלצנו ללכת למיון כי החבר השובב שלי ואשתו הפכו להורים. לתרנגול הוורוד הקטן יש חבר חדש לשחק ולרקוד איתו.

Google Translation into Hindi: कल रात हमें आपातकालीन कक्ष में जाना पड़ा क्योंकि मेरा शरारती प्रेमी और उसकी पत्नी माता-पिता बन गए। छोटे गुलाबी मुर्गे के साथ खेलने और नाचने के लिए एक नया दोस्त है।

Google Translation into Indonesian: Tadi malam kami harus pergi ke ruang gawat darurat karena pacar saya yang nakal dan istrinya menjadi orang tua. Ayam merah muda kecil memiliki teman baru untuk bermain dan berdansa.

Google Translation into Japanese: 昨夜、私のいたずらなボーイフレンドと彼の妻が親になったので、緊急治療室に行かなければなりませんでした. 小さなピンク色のおんどりには、一緒に遊んだり踊ったりできる新しい友達ができました。

Google Translation into Kyrgyz: Кечээ кечинде тентек жигитим аялы менен ата-эне болуп калгандыктан, реанимацияга барууга туура келди. Кичинекей кызгылт короздун ойноп, бийлей турган жаңы досу бар.

Google Translation into Malay: Malam tadi kami terpaksa pergi ke bilik kecemasan kerana teman lelaki saya yang nakal dan isterinya menjadi ibu bapa. Ayam jantan merah jambu kecil mempunyai kawan baru untuk bermain dan menari.

Google Translation into Mongolian: Өчигдөр орой манай дэггүй найз залуу эхнэртэйгээ эцэг эх болсон тул бид яаралтай тусламж үзүүлэх шаардлагатай болсон. Бяцхан ягаан азарган тахиа тоглож, бүжиглэх шинэ найзтай болжээ.

Google Translation into Panjabi: ਪਿਛਲੀ ਰਾਤ ਸਾਨੂੰ ਐਮਰਜੈਂਸੀ ਰੂਮ ਵਿੱਚ ਜਾਣਾ ਪਿਆ ਕਿਉਂਕਿ ਮੇਰਾ ਸ਼ਰਾਰਤੀ ਬੁਆਏਫ੍ਰੈਂਡ ਅਤੇ ਉਸਦੀ ਪਤਨੀ ਮਾਪੇ ਬਣ ਗਏ ਸਨ। ਛੋਟੇ ਗੁਲਾਬੀ ਕੁੱਕੜ ਕੋਲ ਖੇਡਣ ਅਤੇ ਨੱਚਣ ਲਈ ਇੱਕ ਨਵਾਂ ਦੋਸਤ ਹੈ।

Google Translation into Pashtun: تیره شپه موږ باید بیړنۍ خونې ته لاړ شو ځکه چې زما شرارتی هلک ملګری او د هغه میرمن مور او پلار شول. کوچني ګلابي مرغ یو نوی ملګری لري چې لوبې وکړي او نڅا وکړي.

Google Translation into Persian: دیشب مجبور شدیم بریم اورژانس چون دوست پسر بدجنس من و همسرش پدر و مادر شدند. خروس صورتی کوچولو دوست جدیدی برای بازی و رقصیدن دارد.

Google Translation into Sundanese: Tadi peuting urang kudu indit ka ruang gawat darurat sabab kabogoh bangor jeung pamajikanana jadi kolot. Hayam jago pink saeutik boga sobat anyar pikeun ulin jeung tari jeung.

Google Translation into Tagalog: Kagabi kailangan naming pumunta sa emergency room dahil naging magulang ang makulit kong boyfriend at ang kanyang asawa. Ang maliit na pink na tandang ay may bagong kaibigan na makakapaglaro at makakasayaw.

Google Translation into Thai: เมื่อคืนเราต้องไปที่ห้องฉุกเฉินเพราะแฟนจอมซนของฉันและภรรยาของเขากลายเป็นพ่อแม่คน ไก่สีชมพูตัวน้อยมีเพื่อนใหม่ที่จะเล่นและเต้นรำด้วย

Google Translation into Urdu: کل رات ہمیں ایمرجنسی روم میں جانا پڑا کیونکہ میرا شرارتی بوائے فرینڈ اور اس کی بیوی والدین بن گئے تھے۔ چھوٹے گلابی مرغ کے پاس کھیلنے اور ناچنے کے لیے ایک نیا دوست ہے۔

[lucawrites11]

mi paz

part of the hei! collection

chapter one: pollito

[fluff, hurt/comfort, rfef being a steaming pile of shit, euros]

What María had described to her on the phone and before camp scared Ingrid but she had to watch María on Facetime slowly lose her smile and her bubbliness that Ingrid had fallen in love with. When Alexia did her ACL, it just got worse. They were so unbelievably overworked and half time María couldn't finish her calls to her and even when she was in her room, she couldn't shut the door. 

The Euros weren't going much better for her but at least she had a good team around her. She lifted Frøya into her arms after the match against Austria. England had broken them and they couldn't bring themselves together well enough to make it through to the next round. Frøya was tired, almost asleep in her arms. It was long past her bedtime, Frøya brushed her hand across her face a little harshly though, wiping away her tears. "Takk, lille venn (Thank you, little love)," Ingrid murmured, kissing the side of her head. 

The whole team was exhausted and deflated. Ingrid didn't even bother showering. She just wanted to get back to the hotel and get Frøya in bed. She could shower when Frøya was asleep.

read on ao3

[havnblog]

Angrep

Vi er under angrep. Du må være stille, så de ikke hører oss. For de er overalt - og vi er under angrep.

Og nå må du høre her: Det er ikke vi som kjører her - vi er bare passasjerer. Og kjelkene vi sitter på i, sklir om vi vil eller ikke. Hører du skrittene på bjelkene over oss? Hvordan de marsjerer hvileløst fra side til side, som om de svever, og venter på at vi skal nyse eller løpe ut i lyset og røpe at vi lever?

Så når vi våkner, må vi passe på å ikke tro at denne dagen kan bli annerledes. At det er fritt leide, at det ikke er noen feide mellom oss og dem. At dette er en dag for å gå opp og frem. Nei, du må våkne med ladegrep, for vi er under angrep. Og de slår til når du minst venter det.

De slår til når noen spør hvordan det står til, og du enten må lyve, eller nok en gang si at du synes det er forferdelig pes å puste. Og når de ikke klarer å skyve bort forferdelsen nå du sier at du ikke ser en variant av tilværelsen du kan håndtere. Og at du ikke kan huske sist du likte å gjøre noe av det du liker å gjøre. Men du skjønner at dette er flere så sykt lei av å høre.

Og du blir stukket i ryggen, når du uforsiktig ser inn i et speil, og du bare ser feil, og på badet ljomer “Styggen! Styggen!”. Og når du kommer over et gammelt bilde, av en smilende liten kid, og du tenker: “Hva skjedde, lille venn?” Og du ser at alle råvarene du hadde, har du svidd til en ugjenkjennelig, svart klump. Og du får ikke lov til å kaste gryta og alt tullet, starte på nytt, prøve igjen. Nei, du må spise kullet hver dag, og smile, så de ikke ser alt du ødela. Og hvis du tror bombardementet er over, så lover jeg at det så vidt har begynt. Og dette abonnementet har også, levering på søndag.

Og de har spioner og hemmelige agenter. Som prøver å lure deg og til å tro at du har verdi og innimellom får til no’ - og til å gå utendørs på dagtid. Og spionene henter fram noe du fikk til i går, som om dét har noe å si all den tid det tross alt ikke er i går i dag. Og vi vet at gode ord (til deg) bare er en bjørnetjeneste, som ikke har noe med din fortjeneste å gjøre, og at de som sier dem, _må_ være uvitende og/eller løgnere. Og fienden har også lagt ut bjørnefeller. Og hvis du ikke alltid ser ned i bakken, med bøy i nakken, så hogger de til rundt leggen - akkurat i dét du trodde du kanskje skulle klare å gjøre noe nytte for deg i dag. Og du kan ikke bare flytte, eller hente, ting som kan minne om prestasjoner fra fortid eller framtid, og forvente at du gjør deg fortjent dagens rasjoner. Og vi vet at ingen andre kan leve på dine vegne, og at alt som teller, for å fortjene en nokså ren rasjon av oksygen, er det du får til aleine. Og det burde være mulig å ikke være helt ubrukelig, selv om du er under angrep.

Nei, så du må holde deg her inne i bunkeren med meg. Til tiden er inne, og alle har gått lei.

[thelonelyghostinyourattic]

om du savner meg

jeg har forlatt deg men ikke var redd

det høres så hardt ut men det er lett

du skal se snart, det er ikke så ille

kjære deg, det er ingen grunn å bli stille

jeg har forlatt deg, men jeg er fortsatt der

bare se rundt deg, det du savner er her

jeg er de fjordene jeg har forlatt

og jeg er lysene den julenatt

og jeg er blomstene på graven

og jeg er det pene pyntet på gaven

jeg er måkene som synger sin sang

og jeg er stien, vakker og lang

og jeg er diktet og det norske ord

jeg er glasset du setter på bord

jeg er smilet du så på Karl Johan

jeg er bildet du tok, jeg er sangen du sang

jeg er tanken som våkner deg en vanlig dag

jeg er ditt kjære, jeg er ditt klag

jeg er det som har skjedd og det som skal hende

jeg er hjertet som banker når du ser på henne

og jeg er det du skal si, jeg er det du skal mene

med meg, lille venn, er du aldri alene.

[psykedeliskedikt]

Monsteret under senga

monsteret under senga ingen fra min egen fortelling en selvskapt demon rett fra djevelens høyre hånd venter på søvnens bånd

lukk ikke øynene si ikke ett ord om hjelpen som aldri kom et uhyre sultent med ditt navn på menyen lukk ikke øynene i natt må du kjempe en stille salig kamp

frykten brer seg rundt lik frostbitt i mørketiden mamma, pappa kom og redd meg åpne døren, la lyset vaske gravstøtten se denne tomme fossen forfryst hør disse ihjelfrosne brøl

lille venn, skjønner du ikke? ingen kan høre deg om du ikke puster om du ikke former ordene presser de ut fra magens dyp for det er bare lille deg

fantaserer om monstre og onde ånder stirrer med ildrøde øyne

under senga gjømmer du deg

her under senga venter jeg på en sjanse

når du må overgi deg til nattens søte søvn

[ronkssssrsss]

DAG 1 FASTING

Jeg har bestemt meg for å “dokumentere” denne fasten for meg selv, kanskje det kan hjelpe om jeg har et sted å skrible ned følelser og tanker om det føles vanskelig å fullføre målet om 21 dager uten mat. Jeg har lest og fulgt med nok på vannfastingskanaler til å vite at det foretrekkes å kun drikke vann, og med unntak te. Jeg derimot lar meg veksle mellom iskaldt vann og lettbrus, selvsagt uten sukker og omtrent ingen kalorier. Jeg tenker det ikke er så viktig. Vann er smakløst og kvalmende å drikke når jeg ikke er tørst, og det er jeg sjeldent. Det skal sies jeg våkner ofte opp på natten for å drikke eller når jeg våkner. Når jeg våkner er alltid munnen tørr og behovet etter vann er selvsagt der, men utover dagen er det sjeldent jeg føler noen særlig behov for drikke, bortsett fra av ren kjedsomhet. Jeg tror det er et problem hos meg når det kommer til mat, nemlig kjedsomhet. Et usunt spisemønster som baserer seg på om jeg kjeder meg, føler meg dårlig eller rett og slett bare har lyst på. Det kan ikke være sunt eller normalt å spise bare for å føle seg bedre? Føle noe annet? Jeg vil si jeg lot det gå litt for langt. 

Det er over en måned siden jeg begynte å forholde meg til den gamle slagplanen på 500 kalorier som jeg brukte da jeg raste ned i vekt og pådro meg en spiseforstyrrelse da jeg var i ungdomsårene. Jeg ville nok bare fortsatt den planen om å bli radmager om det ikke var for mamma. Mamma reddet meg nok ut av vond sirkel den gangen, men jeg havnet tilbake i den andre vonde sirkelen jeg alltid hatt vært i, nemlig å være tjukk. 

Helt siden jeg var liten, jeg husker kanskje så langt tilbake som til 4-5 års alderen. Jeg følte meg ekkel og annerledes. Feit. Jeg var ikke spesielt pen å se på i følge meg selv på den tiden, og det vil jeg ikke si jeg er nå heller. Jeg husker bestevenninnen min fra barnehagen, hun het Elise og var blond, liten og tynn. Overgangen til barnehage til skole var spennende, men nederst i min mage ulmet en slags angst. Angst fordi jeg ikke ville være god nok. Jeg ville ikke få oppmerksomhet eller venner som Elise, og trolig ville jeg miste henne. Hva kan jeg si? Jeg hadde rett. Elise bodde både nærmere de andre klassekameratene våre, og hun ble populær. Selvfølgelig ble hun populær? Det hadde jeg allerede forutsett før vi startet på skolen. 

Første skoledag var nervepirrende, men jeg konsentrerte meg mest om valkene man kunne se i den tynne rosa genseren min da jeg satt ned i sofaen til min klasse. Jeg gikk i klasse med Elise, men hun kjente allerede noen av de andre elevene og vi mistet kontakten. Når jeg ser tilbake på disse bildene kan jeg føle nøyaktig hva jeg følte da. De forferdelige valkene i den rosa genseren. Jeg ser en usikker liten jente i en stor kropp. 

Det tok litt tid for meg å få nye venner. Jeg husker ikke spesielt mye, men jeg trakk meg mye unna som et resultat av foraktet av min egen kropp. Sjenert. Jeg var sjenert, og har vært sjenert så lenge jeg kan huske. Jeg knyttet meg fort til lærere, og trippet heller i føttene deres. Jeg husker spesielt godt en lærer som tok ekstra vare på meg i starten, Ingfrid. For en nydelig eldre dame. Hun tok så godt vare på meg, og jeg følte meg trygg rundt henne. Nøyaktig hvordan jeg fikk meg venner sitter løst, men jeg husker jeg ble venn med Ida. Ida var også større enn de fleste, sikkert omtrentlig på min størrelse. Vi fant vel frem til hverandre av ren usikkerhet? Men hun hadde en del andre venner fra barnehagen hun og veldig mange andre fra trinnet vårt gikk i. Det utviklet seg nå i den retningen at jeg sikkert ble venn med venner av Ida. Vi var en god gjeng som elsket å leke hest hvert eneste friminutt. Hest var livet. Vi holdt den gjengen helt til vi gikk ut av barneskolen. 

Uansett, hele barndomshistorien min trenger jeg vel ikke notere meg. Men jeg kan huske at jeg har vært utilpass hele mitt liv. Den lille følelsen av at jeg ikke er god nok, ikke bra nok, ikke pen nok har vokst seg større og større for hvert år jeg har levd. Det er nettopp derfor det er så viktig at jeg fullfører denne fasten. 

Jeg vet at man ikke skal belage seg på at å sulte seg til flere størrelser mindre kan reparere meg, men jeg håper det kan hjelpe meg på riktig spor. Jeg har allerede kun spist 500 kalorier om dagen i en måned, med noen små tilfeller av utskeielse. Blant annet i går. Jeg røykte hasj, og plutselig spiste jeg is i fryseren, nudler og litt sjokolade. Det var et feilgrep, men jeg bestemte meg straks for at i at skal jeg starte fasten min. 

Jeg har valgt å sette en 21-dagers faste fordi det er så mange dager til kjæresten min kommer på besøk. Det er nok naivt å tro at han faktisk kommer til å like meg noe bedre om jeg er tynnere, men jeg håper det. Jeg håper han kanskje tenker jeg er noe han ikke kan risikere å miste lengre, og at han kanskje vil ta bedre vare på relasjonen vår. Det føles så greit når vi vanligvis er sammen, men det skjærer seg alltid så fort han drar hjem igjen. I begynnelsen var forholdet vårt en drøm, i hvert fall for meg. Jeg hadde aldri fått særlig bekreftelse, interesse eller følelsen av at en gutt genuint ville ha meg før han kom inn i livet mitt. 

Det er litt av en fortelling i seg selv at det gikk bra, at han fortsatt likte meg etter sannheten kom frem. Jeg var så overbevist om at han ville dumpe meg etter vi hadde møtt hverandre, men til min store overraskelse så gjorde han ikke det. Kanskje han heller ikke hadde fått så mye bekreftelse i livet? At han ville ha noen, på samme måte som meg? Og at noen kilo ekstra, eller et skrantende utseende ikke var så farlig?  Uansett så har den relasjonen begynt å skrante mye etter allerede andre møte. Alle timene i telefon og Discord ble byttet ut med stillhet. Jeg ble selvfølgelig usikker? Er jeg ikke bra nok allikevel? Han ville fortsatt møte meg, men han ble mye kaldere. Han har vel kanskje bare nok med sitt eget liv, sine interesser, jobben, familien. Ikke vet jeg. Det er fortsatt sårt for min del, da jeg sitter med en følelse av å ikke bli sett, ikke bli hørt.  I dag har det egentlig gått ganske bra. Jeg var livredd for å våkne til en “vi tar det i morgen”-mentalitet etterfulgt av et søtsug eller et matsug ute av kontroll for meg til å motstå det.. Men det føles viktig for meg å fullføre. Jeg er ikke spesielt sulten, i hvert fall ikke så sulten at jeg ikke føler jeg kan klare det. Det har egentlig gått veldig fint, og kanskje det er fordi jeg har spist så lite i over en måned allerede? Likevel har jeg følt meg ganske avhengig av det ene måltidet jeg har hatt om dagen. Det er i hvert fall en god start, mye bedre enn forrige gang da jeg holdt ut i 9 dager. Ingen spesielle cravings, men jeg er redd det kan komme. Noen sier sultfølelsen er verst dag 1-2, andre sier dag 3-4. Jeg husker helt ærlig ikke hvilken dag jeg synes var verst forrige gang, men jeg håper det kan holde seg stabilt som nå, da kommer jeg til å klare det.

Jeg oppdaterer igjen i morgen. Tenker at jeg drar videre til Skien etter kort dag på jobb for å kjøpe noen bilderammer, kanskje lukte på noen parfymer også. Jeg ommøblerte nemlig i leiligheten i dag, og jeg liker forandringen så langt, nå mangler bare bildene på veggen!

[ao3feed-grishaverse]

by Madismen

“I think I’m drunk, Uncle Sasha.”

  The lips disappear from her skin and she wants to beg him to put them back, to forget that she said anything at all. Puts her face in the crook of his neck instead, the weight of her head too much suddenly.

  “Oh, you’re definitely drunk malyshka.”

_____________

There is a world where he leaves.

And then there is this one.

Where he stays.

Words: 4204, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 7 of Max Cinematic Universe, Part 2 of Gudene Skrattet AUs

Fandoms: Shadow and Bone (TV), The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/M

Characters: Alina Starkov, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova, Max

Relationships: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gudene Skrattet AU, Dubious Consent, Drunk Sex, Light Bondage, Naked Female Clothed Male, Dirty Talk, Breeding Kink, light Dacryphilia, Possessive Behavior, Uncle Sasha - Freeform, "Go on take another sip"

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/Nv6ne5p