#listen I have had this song on loop for the past two weeks and everytime all I can think about is them

[justgayrevolutionnaries]

I know I don't post on here as much as I used to but hear me out. Les mis / nerdy prudes must die AU except it's literally just Courferre singing If I loved you. is that anything.

[snlhostharry]

crooked love

harry x reader

1.5k words

you and harry are broken up, he lives down the block and something has you up at three in the morning. 

a/n: yes this is based on I wish you would by Taylor Swift, yes everyday I think about what would’ve happened if harry had pulled the car over <3 

It’s way too early to be awake. You’re not quite sure what time it is, but it’s early enough that the sun shows no signs of rising to signal the morning. You have to go to work in a few hours, but you can’t sleep. Something is keeping you awake, something keeps drawing you towards your bedroom window. You lean against the headboard and let out a sigh, you’re mind drawing back to the one thing you don’t want to think about. It’s one of those nights where you lie awake and let yourself think too much about all the mistakes that you’ve made, the things you didn’t say, and the things that you did. 

You refuse to believe that Harry Styles is your one that got away. Mostly because it’s cliche, to have some celebrity be your one that you regret letting walk right out of the door (he actually got into his car and drove away but still), the whole thing sounds like an over-romanticized version of a story told in some books and fantasies by fangirls. It’s also to avoid the truth, the truth that if he came to your door right now and said that he wanted you back you would say yes, you would forget everything and you would say that you were sorry. There’s so many things to apologize for, there are so many things to say but the words die on the tip of your tongue, and the thought of texting or calling leaves your fingers paralyzed. 

He did say, “Maybe one day you’ll call me, and tell me that you're sorry too,” in his song. You think the song is beautiful, but you can’t listen to it anymore. Instead your content just staring out the window at what you’ve discovered is three am, thinking about how he bought that house just down the block from your apartment, thinking about what he must be doing right now. 

You look down at the street, the morning fog hovering just above the road, the streetlights barely illuminate the grass on either side. It all looks haunted, just like you are, because if you look down at the sidewalk you can see him still standing there. Like a ghost, the memory of that moment stays with you, even though it's been a year, and even though there have been other guys since then. There’s just something about the kind of emotion contained in that moment, the kind of love that makes you fall so hard and fast, that pushes every button, so much so that there’s only one possible way it can end: in flames. The kind of raw emotion carried in the way that you screamed at him, and he stood there taking it until he just couldn’t anymore. 

“You never loved me!” You scream. The force of your anger could shake the streetlights if you allowed it to, if you had enough power to show him. “You forgot about me like it was nothing, all you cared about was your career, and who you were going to be seen with.” 

“I love you,” He says, the eerie calmness in his voice counteracting the abject emotion in yours. At the time you’d taken that to mean that he didn’t care about you, that you loved him more than he could ever love you, that here you were again stuck wounded out in the cold. Everyone could see you bleeding, he could see you bleeding. “I love you, now. I don’t know what I can do to make you believe that.” 

“You should’ve been here!” You tell him, “That’s how you show me! You show me by being here, instead of out somewhere with some girl instead of just calling me.” He doesn’t say anything, “All I see is that I mean nothing to you.” 

“Are you just going to keep yelling at me?” He asks, his voice harsh. “Can we have a conversation? Can I come in?”

You cross your arms, “No.” 

“y/n-” 

“No. I am so angry with you right now, if I let you in I might just kill you and hide the body.” 

He throws his arms in the air in frustration, “Fine! If you’re not even going to try to listen to me, then I’m going to go home.”

“Then go home, or go out or do whatever you want.” 

He looks at you and shakes his head. You don’t move to go in, you stand there, watching him get into his car and at last watching him leave. The anger rising in your chest destroys all taste of reason, in hindsight you shouldn’t have let him leave like that. You shouldn’t have let him think that you hated him so much that you would never speak to him again. 

Time keeps marching on. You stand at the window now, but somehow you're also still standing on the sidewalk watching his car drive down the road and disappear into oblivion. This has been a ritual the last couple of days, you waking up with a strange kind of sleeplessness, staring out at the street stuck between two moments that are in complete juxtaposition to one another. There was a week where he would call you everyday, sometimes twice a day, and you always hung up. You wish now that you would’ve picked up the phone. 

How long is it going to take you to admit that you’re waiting for him at the window? He has that house down the street, and sometimes you swear you see his new car drive down the street with its windows down. It makes your heart skip a beat everytime because sometimes you convince yourself that it’s not his car, that he’s in his house with some model not even thinking about you in the slightest. Other times, you wish that he would just pull over and knock on your door. 

A car passes by the window, the headlights momentarily illuminating your room. You take that as a sign that you should go back to sleep, so you lay down in the bed again, trying to stop your spiralling thoughts. But the room is illuminated again with white headlights and you sit up. A car is pulled over next to the sidewalk, and suddenly the door opens. You grab your phone, ready to call the police to report an intrudenter but when the figure stands under the light of the lamppost you almost drop your phone to the floor. 

The next thing you know you’re standing outside the door, hands shaking as you reach for the doorknob. You know exactly what’s behind it, but you think you might be dreaming, or subject to sleep deprivation. Suddenly, your hand is on the doorknob and you finally open it. 

Harry Styles looks the same. The same as he did on Instagram last week, the same as he did in his contact photo (him smiling like an idiot on a beach in italy) and the same as he did when he got into the car and drove off, a fact which sends a chill down your spine. What is this? Whos’ to say that even if he is here to say sorry or to ask you to try again that there's even a chance that it would work out this time? 

“Hi,” He says semi awkwardly as he stands there. 

You lean against the doorframe, “It’s early.” 

“I know,” He runs a hand through his hair. “I didn’t know if you would be awake.” 

“Funny story,” You say, “I’ve been awake for an hour.” 

He half smiles, “So have I.” A pause. “I have to tell you something.”

“You’ve been driving past my house for the past week, with your windows rolled down, yeah?” 

“How did you know?” 

“Recognised your car,” You say, “From when I drove past your new place.” 

“Oh.” 

“You wrote a song about me,” You break the silence, “And you bought a house a block away from me.”

“I’ve been thinking about you.”

You cross your arms, “No shit.” You relent, “I’ve been thinking about you too. To the point where I stare at my phone, and I think about calling you.” 

“I called a lot.” 

“You did,” You say with a sigh. “I’m sorry for screaming at you, you didn’t deserve that.” 

“I thought you hated me,” He says.

As much as you’ve selfishy imagined the moment he showed up at your door, and you were able to tell him all of the things you should’ve said that night, standing here with it actually happening throws you for such a loop that you don’t know what to say. “The life you live can be overwhelming,” You tell him, “I was mad because I was confused, and I miss you.” You keep going, “I constantly miss you. I was mad for awhile, and then I started missing you. Then I got mad at myself because I realized I was going to have to spend the rest of my life missing you.”

“And I drove past your house everyday for a month,” He smiles. 

“And I was sitting at the window when you pulled up,” His words finally hit you after he says it, “Wait a month?”

He laughs, “Can I come in now?” 

“Yes.” 

[anambermusicbox]

#1, 3, 5, 7 and 9? and any you expected in your top 10 but arent there :D

:D :D :D :D

BECAUSE I'M SUPER PREDICTABLE they're all zhou shen songs asdfASDFASD

i can't help rambling a lot, sorry in advance ;;

1. 《归处》 (guichu) "place of belonging": this one taking #1 did not surprise me at all LOL i've looped it so many times, i just find it so atmospheric and floaty and spellbinding

3. 《触不可及》 (chu bu ke ji) “untouchable": also not surprising in the least—for a long time this would always be the first song i played before putting everything on shuffle. i always loved playing it walking down the street, feeling all 潇洒 (xiaosa, natural and unrestrained), feeling like yeah life is really good actually. (and now there's an upgraded version from the mid-autumn festival in which he adds all these insane harmonies?? hhhhHHHHH)

5. 《落花》 (luohua) "fallen petals": one of zs' more obscure osts, i actually didn't even know it existed until i saw it on spotify haha (in my defense he has a LOT of songs), but it's really ethereal and pretty

7. 《荒城渡》 (huang cheng du), xue yang's theme: best soundtrack in cql 😩

9. 《江湖觅知音》 (jianghu mi zhiyin) "seeking a bosom friend in jiang-hu": THIS SONG MAKES ME GO FERAL, IT'S LITERALLY EDM + CHINESE OPERA, AND IT USES ERHU THE MOST FERAL INSTRUMENT! I LOVE IT SO MUCH I'M SURPRISED ITS NOT HIGHER THAN #9 (and also i find it so hilarious that the musician who wrote this song was literally like "i had so much fun with our collab, i didn't have to worry about how hard the song would be for the singer at all!! if i knew he would handle it so flawlessly i would've made it even harder :V")

spotify has a relatively small fraction of zhou shen's discography, so there are actually a lot of other songs that would be on the top 10 if it weren't for that HAHAHA, including:

《若梦》 (ruo meng) “dream-like”: i loop this one SO MUCH it'd probably be in the top 5, the emotional build up at the end gets me everytime

《鲁冰花》 (lu bing hua) “the dull-ice flower”: cue anyone who’s familiar with chinese music to be like wait seriously?? lu bing hua??? YES SERIOUSLY he uses lala hsu’s gorgeous arrangement from Singer 2016 for this cover and with his incredible storytelling-esque vocals, it’s just SO GOOD, i loop it non-stop ;;

《光亮》 (guangliang) “silver linings”: this just came out this november so spotify didn’t count it, but i’ve already listened to it a ridiculous amount of times; the beijing opera at the climax has been the only thing circulating in my head these past few weeks

all of his duets with hacken lee from 我们的歌 (wo men de ge, a variety show): i could scream about them forever oh my g o d two vocal gods with god-tier harmonization skills, no matter how many times i listen to their duets, the jaw-dropping, heart-swooping feeling never goes away. some faves here, here, and here

and just so that it’s not entirely zhou shen, i also looped mimi lee and chris wong's 《傻女》 “foolish girl” and 《晚秋》 “late autumn” duets a lot, also from 我们的歌; they were so underrated in the show because apart from these two songs, they got stuck with not the greatest song selections ;;

[lmjupdates]

Lauren Jauregui on her Sense of Self, the innate magic of spirituality, & her upcoming EP

Portrait by: Halie Torris

Portrait Reference Photo by: Munachi Osegbu

Interview by: Isabella Vega

Photos by: Tristian Hollingsworth

One of the most surreal moments of my life was sitting in the Zoom room, waiting for Lauren Jauregui to enter. There was a plethora of thoughts swirling in my head, mostly nerves - I had never met someone who I had such a deep cosmic connection with, someone I'd spent the last eight years following and looking to guidance for.  What if they weren't all I thought they would be? Then, I spotted the Lauren Jauregui Edition of Coup De Main on my desk shelf, and that's when it hit me: I had manifested  this entire conversation. God put this person in my path for a reason, all those years ago, and I was about to find out why. As I let her into the Zoom, I had no idea the emotional journey the next forty five minutes would lead me. What unfolded was something I always dreamed, and somehow, almost predicted: that in meeting the woman I had spent a lifetime loving and learning from, in truly baring our souls and sharing our life philosophies, a few of my internal puzzle pieces would click together with every laughing breath and anecdote dripping off of her with intellect and authenticity. I present to you: a candid conversation with Lauren Jauregui - how she describes her Sense of Self, her ideas on the current mental health movement, and her upcoming EP.

Isabella: How would you describe your Sense of Self in one sentence?

Lauren: I guess my sense of self is just kind of… This is complex now that I’m sitting and thinking about it! I’m like ‘what does my sense of self mean?!’ I guess it’s just kind of the awareness that I’m embodying. Yeah, like, how much I’m showing up for myself and the self care aspect of all of it. That’s usually when I feel the most sense of self, when I’m aware of my body and my mind and my heart and how it’s feeling, so self-care.

Isabella: Now more than ever, there seems to be a growing awareness/spread of information on mental health, a sort of movement throughout social media platforms. Is there any facet of this growing movement that you would want to change or is there anything you would like to add to the conversations?

Lauren: I mean, I think there is always room for improvement in how we approach things. Again, this is a topic that is new to all of us as a collective, we’ve been under the oppressive thumb of capitalism, imperialism, and colonization for a very long time, and we still live in a settler-colonial state. I think that the disparities between how mental health affects different people is definitely a nuanced conversation. I think that acknowledging state violence can not just be talked away is important, and I don’t think that we talk often enough about how people of color’s mental health suffers because there are systemic things in place to oppress them and to hurt them. That are still in place and that we still debate and that we still have to have conversations about, which has been centuries of people talking about whether or not it’s ok to brutalize people of color.  I think bringing that into the conversation a lot more - state violence’s impact on our mental health. A lot of the time we are just, like “Oh, I’m traumatized because my parents treated me a certain way” or “I’m traumatized because this person did something to me” but what we don’t really address is those behaviors of other folks like parents - something I’m trying to acknowledge is saying “I know my parents didn’t have the tools, and that’s something I’m learning through my mental health journey.” That’s not something I understood off the bat. I thought that the things that had happened to me in my life were the reasons why I was this way.

When you start going into the journey, and when the journey involves the spiritual element of the journey. That’s another thing, I would love to have more conversations about spiritual illness. Where the lack of faith and the lack of belief in self is the root cause of a lot of depression and anxiety. That disconnect from God and the disconnect from the belief that reality can be what we manifest it. We have to take responsibility for the way that our world looks right now, and the way we look, and the way we operate and hold one another or don’t. It really has to come down to every individual person wanting to show up for themselves more and understand themselves more.

I would like to have more conversations about the connectivity between everything, the intersectionality between this stuff.

Isabella: I love that. As someone who’s religious and has a very strong spiritual connection to all of that, that’s what I love about you so much - a lot of people are scared to talk about religion and spirituality, whilst you just go there, and talk about something that is so foundational to our beings.

Lauren: Yeah. I’ll challenge that a little bit and say it’s not necessarily religion. I feel like religion can be an instrument used to pin us against each other. It’s about spirituality because God is a reflection of us and lives in each of us. That’s why God looks so different everywhere because everywhere you go, God looks like the people there, because God is self. Self is God. As far as, like, when you think of the higher self, when you pray, whoever you pray to - this being is here for you, and you see yourself in them. Whilst you can understand that they are there for the rest of the world, as well, that connection regardless of religion, that understanding that there is something greater than yourself, is benevolent?

Isabella: Yeah.

Lauren: And that’s so important. I think we often forget about that, and I know that my darkest times were when I forgot that God existed. And when I didn’t trust in God and their vision for me. A lot of times, we feel like things are happening to us, but really, they’re happening for us.

Isabella: So, I’ve heard whispers through the grapevine of there being an EP in the works. Congratulations! I’ve been waiting!

Lauren: Hahaha!

Isabella: How do you plan on continuing your pure self expression through the release of a shorter form project and an eventual album?

Lauren: Well, I think that music is where I am the most self-expressive. It’s my safe space. I think writing in general, whether that’s my journal, or if that’s my notepad, or wherever. I used to just think a lot, and thinking a lot really messed me up, it gave me a lot of anxiety, and I used to think in loops, which I still do, but I’m better at catching myself now. That self expression is just a pertinent element of why I do music. I feel like I naturally just wanna talk about feelings! I’m just an emo shawty, I really love to put my stuff into words, and I feel like the challenge of putting it into a three minute or four minute song is kind of dope, because you get to kind of get it out. You don’t have to think about all of the things, you have to curate what you’re talking about and how you get the audience to understand your storyline in a concise, intentional way. Whether that’s short form or long form, it’s definitely my approach to making art.

Isabella: I love that! So, I don’t know how much you can say, and it’s alright if you can’t say much! I just wanted to know - what’s the vibe? I know you’ve worked in the past with the brilliant Kid Harpoon, who helped make Fine Line by Harry Styles, which is my favorite album of all time and saved me in so many ways, so will you two be working together on this project?

Lauren: On this specific EP, I am not working with him. I have other songs with him, because he and I make beautiful music together. I love Kid Harpoon. He’s a good friend and a really beautiful collaborator. On this EP, nothing’s produced by him on it, that’s not to say that we won’t work together again or the songs that we made won’t be released in some other format, but this one, I’m almost done with mixing now.

Isabella: Oooo!!!

Lauren: Yeah! I’m just in the process of getting all of the visuals together and making sure everything is packaged nicely and looking good for everybody!

Isabella: I’m so excited!

Lauren: Yes! I think it’s very close, and while I totally understand why everyone is expectant of something from me - I get that and I totally understand - this process of making this music has been WAY more profound than just the music itself, it’s been a huge rediscovery of self. It’s been unlearning like no other. It’s been a messy and painful and joyous process in all kinds of different ways. To me, it’s been so much more than what I can give people. That’s the beautiful after effect to me, so people feel seen, heard, and safe, like there’s someone else who understands where they're at. I focus a lot on the things that I think about, so I hope that whoever listens to it can feel the potency of the self-discovery that went into this and realize why it took so long. Self-discovery isn’t something you do in a couple of weeks, especially everything that I’d been through. I’m a very sensitive soul, and everything that went on really shifted my perception of self into a very toxic place that I needed to come out of, I really needed this time. Everyday, it’s made me trust more in God and God’s plan. Everytime I thought I had it figured out, ready to release, every single time, God would derail and say “Wait, there’s something bigger.” Every time, I was like “God! Let me put out this freaking music!” Isabella: Hahaha!

Lauren: And God’s like “yeah, yeah! I know! But people have to know who you are! And YOU don’t know who you are! When you know who you are, then we can give it to the world!” I know who I am now!

Isabella: That’s amazing to hear. I really hate when fans try to claim the intimacy of “knowing you” when we only know the public version of you, but I’m a very big empath, especially with the public figures I vibe with, I choose them very wisely. I’ve followed you for a very long time, so I can see the change from “Expectations’'' to “50 Ft.”

Lauren: Right!?

Isabella: Yeah! You’re a new, spectacular whole, and I hope you know how proud I am.

Lauren: Thank you!!!! I’m proud of you, too! You’ve been on this journey with me.

Isabella: Thank you! I really think I have! It’s taken a while for us to put this interview together, and I really feel like God put us together at the perfect moment, because mentally, I feel like I’m in the perfect place to meet you.

Lauren: God’s timing is something else!

This introduction and interview has been condensed for the online format. The full interview appears  in Issue 2: Rumination, open for orders until June 10th. If you've read this whole thing - I love you to actual pieces - use code 333 at checkout for a special discount!

https://www.senseofselfzine.com/product-page/issue-2-rumination

Source: https://www.senseofselfzine.com/post/lauren-jauregui-on-her-sense-of-self-the-innate-magic-of-spirituality-her-upcoming-ep

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2006

17 to 18 years old. First to second university year, studying History. Another slightly chaotic year, to be honest.

It’s yet another great year for hits, even if 2005 and 2007 are both even better.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

At this point it was beginning to be clear that my mother wanted me out of the appartment as quickly as possible so staying at home was becoming more and more unpleasant. I basically spent most of my day outside or at the library when I wasn’t in class, then ate dinner and slept at home. I had a few friends at university but was very unpopular (by the start of the second year, my nickname was “the hobo”, mostly because I was always wearing the same old black coat and bad jeans, but also because I liked to fish for coins under vending machines cause I had next to no money). I also had a brief but extremely bad relationship that year, which ended with me punching the dude back after he punched me between two classes near the end of the year.

While making these lists I found a tape labelled “spring 2006″ and nothing else. I think it’s one of the last tapes I ever made.

After listening to it, it contained:

Mr Brightside (The Killers) (who’s surprised?)

Crazy, by Seal, but sung by a woman. No idea who that is. (Edit: Alanis Morissette! thank you purplecyborgnewt)

Alice & June (Indochine)

You And Me (Lifehouse)

A couple of seconds of Precious, Depeche Mode

Oui (Zazie)

Precious (Depeche Mode) again. A radio host states it’s the n°15 favorite song on Europe 2 that week, whichever week that was.

City of Blinding Lights (U2)

Nolwenn Ohwo (Nolwenn Leroy)

Fragment of Song to Say Goodbye (Placebo), then the entire song.

The ending of Talk (Coldplay), followed by another fragment of Talk

Juste Après (Fredericks, Goldman & Jones)

Talk (Coldplay), this time in its entirety (I can still smell the frustration more than 13 years away)

Broken (Seether)

Enjoy the Silence 2004 (Depeche Mode)

Fragment of Missing (Evanescence), followed by nearly the entire song

Jeune et Con (Saez)

A bit of a radio show I found funny

An obscure remix of Sans Contrefaçon (Mylène Farmer).

So yeah, I stopped making tapes around that time. I also only bought two cd singles that year.

Just like the previous year, some of my favorite albums from that year have exactly zero singles elligible for this list. They are Alice & June by Indochine, and Meds by Placebo. The worst part? One of the best songs on Indochine’s album is a goddamn duet with Brian Molko from Placebo. It’s called Pink Water and it’s great. Please listen to it if you don’t know it yet. What can I say, I’m a weak and simple person, I hear a duet between two singers I adore, and I die instantly.

Anyway. Meds is kind of underrated as far as Placebo’s discography goes and I’m especially fond of Infrared, which was one of the songs of the year for me. Indochine’s Alice & June, meanwhile, is a concept double album about two girls making a suicide pact. It’s a bit of a mess and it’s not as tight as Paradize was but it’s still really, really good for the most part. The first eponymous single should have been elligible. But it isn’t. I’m sad.

On to the honorable mentions!

So Sick (Ne-Yo) - Usually this kind of music just sounds bland to me, but that one was really pleasant.

Miracle (Cascada) - Not as good as Everytime we touch. Still a lot of fun.

Smack That (Akon) - This shouldn’t be this catchy.

Pump It (Black Eyed Peas) - Same here.

Living On Video (Pakito) - I only just now realised this was a cover. What the hell.

SOS (Rihanna) - Not her best song. Still good.

L’Amour N’est Rien (Mylène Farmer) - Really funny lyrics, meh song.

World Hold On (Bob Sinclar) - Stay tuned for more.

Hips Don’t Lie (Shakira) - Song of the summer, whether you liked it or not. Fortunately, I liked it a lot.

Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol) - Very pleasant.

SexyBack (Justin Timberlake) - That beat is just incredible.

Call Me When You’re Sober (Evanescence) - I remember Rock Mag finishing their KarmaCode (Lacuna Coil) review with “We hope Evanescence’s next album will be fantastic, because this is their most serious rival yet.” And nope, Evanescence’s album wasn’t nearly as good as KarmaCode. But this song still made the year-end list, while nothing from Lacuna Coil ever crossed over. Our Truth SHOULD have been a huge hit. It had a ton of crossover appeal. One of the biggest musical tragedies of the year right there. Oh well, the Evanescence single is still good though.

Say It Right (Nelly Furtado & Timbaland) - The last cut from the list, and when you’ll see what replaced it, you are going to hate me.

And now, the top ten.

10 - Everytime We Touch (Cascada)

US: #31 / FR: #5

This kicked Nelly Furtado off the list.

I am not sorry, just so you know.

9 - Ridin’ (Chamillionaire)

US: #8 / FR: Not on the list

This is a song about respecting the law and driving at a reasonable speed and cops being mad because they can’t do anything against you. He’s a gangster, just... not doing anything illegal at the moment. I absolutely adore that concept. This is the best.

8 - Crazy (Gnarls Barkley)

US: #7 / FR: #29

I’ve never met someone who disliked this song, and for that reason I have nothing to say about it. It’s just one of these tunes, like Hey Ya, which are too perfect to argue or say anything constructive about them.

7 - Temperature (Sean Paul)

US: #2 / FR: #48

Half of this top ten 10 is made of absolute bangers with untouchable beats and you know what, I really miss that time, mostly because the current charts are morose and depressed (for good reasons, but still). This is no Get Busy, but come on, who can say we need less Sean Paul in our lives? Not me that’s for sure.

By the way, one of the very first videos I saw on (the very new at the time) youtube was a misheard lyrics version of this song. I think you all know which one it is, the original has been deleted but it was reuploaded several times since then.

6 - Rock This Party (Bob Sinclar & Cutee B)

US: Not on the list / FR: #19

You really can’t go wrong with this “Everybody dance now” sample, and this is one seriously kickass song, and yet another banger on a list already full of them. Also, this was possibly the best music video of the entire year, featuring three kids trying to imitate music videos from just about every popular genre. Check it out if you’ve never seen it, it will make your day.

5 - Marly-Gomont (Kamini)

US: Not on the list / FR: #1

Possibly the most unexpected hit song of the decade in my country. Basically, this guy made a rap song about the tiny rural village he was living in, and a funny music video shot on a 100€ budget to show to his friends and family. And it was well written. And it was hilarious, while still being insightful. And it became a viral sensation. And it charted! And suddenly it became the biggest hit of the year.

If you’ve never heard it, here it is. There was no translation available for it on lyricstranslate, so I made an account just to translate it myself. You’re welcome. Please give it a try. It’s great. It was a hit for a good reason, and I promise you the music video is funny even if you don’t speak the language.

4 - Slipping Away/Crier la Vie (Mylène Farmer & Moby)

US: Not on the list / FR: #15

So, uh, earlier in this post I said “What can I say, I’m a weak and simple person, I hear a duet between two singers I adore, and I die instantly.”

This is a duet between Mylène Farmer and Moby, based on a song from Hotel, which, if you recall, I listened to on a loop the previous year.

My poor heart didn’t need this. What did I do to deserve this. What a blessing.

3 - Over My Head (Cablecar) (The Fray)

US: #13 / FR: Not on the list

This was my #1 at some point. Then I realised the version I kept listening to was a punk rock version by A Day To Remember from Punk Goes Pop, and that I had nearly forgotten what the original sounded like. So I listened to it, and it’s still very, very nice, but it’s not quite the same.

I still bought the album, though.

2 - Nolwenn Ohwo (Nolwenn Leroy)

US: Not on the list / FR: #43

I had completely (and I do mean completely) forgotten about this song until I started to check the French year-end top 100 to make this list. Erased from my mind entirely by some sort of MiB neuralyser. And I was like “hang on, wasn’t this a good song? This rings a bell. I used to love it, didn’t I?” (and sure enough, it’s on that 2006 tape I found). So I wrote it down for the honorable mentions, just in case.

Before making the definitive list, I put the song on, and I felt like the critic in Ratatouille having a flashback.

Holy. Shit.

I remembered ALL the lyrics. While listening to it, in under three minutes I successively put it in the 6th spot, then the 4th, and when it ended, it was #2 on the list. I downloaded it and put it back on my mp3 player and on my playlists. I’ve listened to it about 30 times in the past week. It’s so great. How did I ever forget this song existed. I feel so alive.

I never cared about this singer, but this is written by Laurent Voulzy, who’s music I actually love, and he’s firing on all cylinders here. Just listen to it. Please.

It could have easily topped the list if it wasn’t for the most useful and helpful song in the entire year.

1 - Pas le Temps (Faf Larage)

US: Not on the list / FR: #2

I never watched a single episode of Prison Break. This was the French version of the opening song. I don’t even know what happens in the series. I don’t really care.

I. Adore. This song. It’s yet another #1 that helped me a lot.

The beat is untouchable and this rap is actual poetry. Not even remotely kidding. Here’s a part of one of the verses.

Aussi loin que la lumière semble s'éteindre (As far as the light seems to flicker) Seule une étincelle au fond de moi peut l'atteindre (Only the spark hidden inside of me can reach it) (...) Les dés sont jetés, rien n'est joué (the dice is tossed, the game is set) Même le sort retient son souffle piégé dans ce sablier (even fate holds its breath, trapped in this hourglass) J'ai décidé de ne pas être prisonnier (I decided I wouldn’t be a prisoner) J'n'ai que ma vie à offrir si jamais j'échouais (I only have my life to offer if I ever fail) Pas le choix faut y'aller (No choice, let’s go)

The line “pas le choix, faut y aller” (no choice, let’s go) keeps being repeated in the entire song and it’s so, SO motivational. As I said before, 2006 was not as bad as 2003 but it was still a difficult year - at the end of it, I was an adult with no money, very little hope for the future, no diploma yet apart from the highschool one, still trying to NOT become a ball of anger because of a couple of assholes in class, all of this with dysphoria and a mother who wanted to kick me out as soon as possible. And I wanted to win, and punch the world, and say here I come, I’m alive, I survived, better watch out.

Si je dois exceller, tout donner, prendre c'que j'peux (If I need to be the best, give everything, take whatever I can) Si le monde m'appartient restez pas au milieu (If the world is mine, don’t stay in my way) Et si le sort est contre moi c'est tant pis (And if fate is against me, too bad) On fait des plans pour s'en sortir, écoute (We’re making plans to survive, listen) Pas le choix faut y'aller (No choice, let’s go)

This song defined the entire year for me. This was my fight song. Everytime I wanted to give up, it was there to give me a very simple reminder.

No choice. Let’s go.

Next up: here it is, at last, the absolute best hit song of the decade

[uniqueimagines]

No Hiding These Marks

Paring: Sweet Pea x Reader

Requested: Yes, “can I have a long one with sweet pea? something along the lines of him being jealous and getting angry, then showing his feelings to his friends and they're all really surprised because obviously its sweet pea haha. and I'll leave the rest up to you?” @yznggoddess

Description: While you are trying to plan the perfect surprise initiation and sex night with Pea he gets so jealous it even surprises his best friends. Luckily neither of you let that ruin your night.

Warnings: Cursing, Smut

Word count: 1828

______________________________________________________________

Sweet Pea and you had been dating for six months and you were best friends with Toni and Fangs. While you had lived on the southside since birth you were a year younger than your three closest friends and haven’t yet became an official Serpent. Everyone knew of you and Sweets as the nearly perfect couple. Since the moment you two became official you to are always together and neither of you is shy about the PDA. Everyone assumes that the two of you are constantly having sex, Toni and Fangs are the only two that know you and Pea haven’t had sex yet. It wasn’t that you two didn’t do sexual stuff, in fact there is only really one thing you two haven’t done. You have had a few guys in your past leave once they got it and it made you a bit nervous Pea might too.

Pea was a very flirty and sexual person so everyone assumed you two had been doing it since the moment you got together if not before. Sweet Pea didn’t mind that the two of you hadn’t had sex, he enjoyed what you did do and understood your reasons for wanting to wait. While most people believed he was a big flirt and slept around without any feelings he was actually very sensitive and kind. Sweet Pea knew why you wanted to wait and what had happened in all your past relationships but he didn’t know what you had planning for your birthday in two days.

Toni and Fangs have been helping you talk to FP and get everything ready to do the serpent dance and get your tattoo and jacket to make it official. You were extremely excited and also planned to surprise Sweets after the dance and everything by taking him home for some fun. Fangs had helped you set up the tattoo, jacket and dance with FP and Toni helped you pick out outfits and let you practice some of your dance moves. You had made everyone promise to keep it a secret that you were planning all this so you could surprise Pea. Your birthday fell on a Friday which was perfect so you can spend the whole weekend with Sweet after it all becomes official.

Due to planning you had been spending a lot less time with Sweet Pea and it was starting to get to him. When the two of you got to the bar around 8 you kissed Pea on the cheek and walked over to talk to FP. While Sweet Pea knew deep down that he had no reason to be jealous and that FP was absolutely no threat to him it still pissed him off when he saw you standing on your toes to whisper in his ear. Sweet Pea is standing beside the pool table with Fangs and Toni as he stares at you and FP. You nod giggling as FP brushes his hand over your ribs under your arm just behind your boob. You two were talking about how you wanted your tattoo in the same place as Toni’s.

When FP brushes his hand over your ribs Sweet Pea losses it throwing the pool stick he was holding onto the table before beginning to stomp in your direction. Before he can get more than a couple of feet away Fangs grabs his arm tight pulling him backwards. Quickly spinning around Pea glares at Fangs with a clenched jaw and growls, “Let. Me. Go.” “What the hell is wrong with you?” Fangs asks confused by Pea’s rage. “She’s spending all her fucking time with FP. What is he fucking her and that's why she doesn’t wanna sleep with me?” Pea’s voice comes out as a low groan. Toni and Fangs can't help but let out a small laugh, “Pea, we have been helping her set up this surprise, for you…” Toni gives him a small smile pointing up to the sage as the song changes and you walk on.

Pea turns looking at you as you begin to slowly dance around the pole your eyes never leaving his. His jaw drops and he relaxes a little realizing you aren’t cheating you were preparing to become a Serpent. “She’s spent weeks planning out tonight for you wanting to make it extra special.” Fangs gives Pea a small pat on the back walking away not really interested in watching you as you begin to unbutton your top to reveal a black corset bra top that is accented with dark green lace. “We didn’t think you would get so jealous and pissed off… Don’t let that ruin this for her, nobody is taking her but if you ruin her surprise for you… well you may push her away.” Toni gives him a small smile and walks off to play pool with Fangs.

Sweet Pea takes a deep breath and sighs knowing they are right and that he was irrational when he got upset. This was the first real relationship he had been in that lasted longer than a couple weeks and he was afraid of losing you like he did everyone else and he let those feelings get the best of him. As Pea relaxes be bites his lip watching as you bend over sliding your jeans down your legs showing off your matching lace thong. Fangs and Toni give occasional looks to Pea in fears that the whole bar watching you may cause him to get jealous again. Sweet Pea and you don't break eye contact the entire dance.

When the song ends Pea claps loudly and gives you a big smile. FP walks on stage as everyone in the bar is clapping for you and hands you simple black dress you had brought that was easy to throw on. After you pull the dress over your head FP helps you slide your arms into your serpent jacket. Pea makes his way to the side of the stage and lifts you up and spins you around as he hugs you. “You did so good baby. You are so sexy.” he whispers and kisses your cheek.  “Thank you. Will you sit with me to get my tattoo before we go home?” you look up at him as he sets you down.  “Of course.” Pea chuckles.

You run to the bathroom changing into plain black bralette that didn’t cover the area for the tattoo and put your jeans back on along with a cutoff t-shirt. You sit straddling a chair and hold Pea’s hands with earbuds in during your tattoo. Once the tattoo is done and you say your goodbyes you and Pea head back to his trailer. When he pulls up and turns off his bike you hop off standing beside it as he steps off. You bite your lip pulling at the sleeves of your jacket a bit nervous. “Toni told me you got a little jealous. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but I hope I can make it up to you tonight.” “Don’t apologize. I shouldn’t have let the anger get the best of me, I just don’t wanna lose you. I love you.”

You stand on your toes and kiss his cheek, “I love you too. Now that the mushy feelings are over can you take me inside and fuck me.” Sweet Pea’s eyes get wide with surprise and he bites his lip loving how blunt you were. “Really?” You nod and laugh lightly at how giddy Pea is. “Fuck yes I will.” Pea reaches behind your thighs and lifts you with a firm grip on your ass. You wrap your legs around his waist as he quickly unlocks the trailer and takes you straight to the bedroom barely caring enough to kick the front door closed.

When he makes it to the room he drops you onto the bed and pulls off his shirt. You quickly pull yours off careful of the bandage on your ribs as you pull off your bra. Sweets lets out a low growl and bites his lip watching as your nipples get hard when the cool air hits them. You groan pulling on his belt loops as the look of him shirtless and the bulge growing in his jeans makes you wet. “Someone's desperate.” Pea chuckles but doesn't waste time pushing his jeans and boxers down stepping out of them. When his long erection springs free you let out a small desperate moan and quickly push your own jeans and panties down.

“Pea hurry up and fuck me. I need you.” As he listens to you beg and plead he quickly grabs a condom sliding it down his hard cock before crawling over you and lining up with your entrance. “Ready baby?” Pea asks and chuckles as your only response is another desperate moan and pushing your hips forward so the tip brushes your dripping entrance. Sweet Pea slides in at a painfully slow pace until he is fully inside you. You tense a bit around him as he stretches you out. “Pea I love your soft side but for the love of everything fuck me please,” You groan leaning up and kissing his chest. “As you wish.”

Sweet Pea grabs your hips tight pulling out and quickly slamming back inside you as he begins a quick and aggressive pace. Arching your back into the bed you grip the sheets, everytime he slams into you he hits you g-spot with more force than the last thrust. “Mmh fuck Pea.” You moan quietly dragging your nails down Pea’s back hard enough to leave marks. As your nails dig into his skin his grip tightens on you hips to the point it will surely be bruised by tomorrow. As you begin to get closer to your high your walls tense around his cock making him let out a loud moan.

“Pea I’m… I’m so close baby.” Your words are barely audible as you moan close to his ear. Pea sucks on your weak spot behind your ear and moves one of his hands to rub your clit. Within seconds you are sent over the edge and you tense around him again as you climax and sends him to his climax as well. His thrusts slow and soften and he thrusts a few more times to ride out both of your highs before pulling out. Pea pulls off the condom and tosses it in the trash bin cleaning himself up while you catch your breath. “I love you.” Sweet Pea kisses your lips softly before you stand to use the restroom. As you walk into the bathroom nude you see the hickey behind your ear and the already forming red bruised finger marks on both hips and laugh, “Well Pea if everyone didn’t already assume we are having sex before they all know now. No hiding these marks.” You hear Pea laugh lightly and clean up before laying down the both of you quickly falling asleep.

Masterlist

[bellaloona]

My Top 30 K-Pop Songs o f 2018

I felt like sharing what my favorite songs were this year, but I lack the resources and artistic ability to make cool graphics like everyone else is doing, so I settled for a  nice list. Also I should probably do the tags that I have saved in my drafts but I wanted to get this out while it’s still in season!

In no particular order besides the top 3:

1. Love Bomb - fromis_9: I knew this was my favorite song of the year from the moment I heard it. The verses were really happy and peppy while the chorus feels nostalgic and dreamy. There were some days where I’d walk to my class with this song on loop and I’d instantly feel better!

2. Egoist - Olivia Hye/LOONA: currently the most played song on my phone only because love bomb came out too late in the year. I love the sounds in this song and the mood it creates.

3. Shine - Pentagon: deserved all the awards it never got as the best boy group song of the year

(continued under the cut)

4. See You Later - BLACKPINK: best song on the EP

5. Gravity - EXO: hence my blog title

6. To The Sky - CLC: wish you guys would hype up happy CLC as much as you hyped up edgy CLC :/

7. Shotgun - gugudan: it was a toss-up between this one and The Boots, gugudan made great music this year!

8. I Love You - EXID: my favorite EXID title track yet, sticks to their style while trying something new

9. Thanks - Seventeen: this being said, seventeen had a great year in general and all their releases were solid

10. HO! - Twice: love the retro feel!

11. Giddy Up - The Boyz: man I really slept on the boyz during debut and I feel bad, now I gotta catch up on their entire discography bc every song they released this year was 11/10

12. Fermata - Girls’ Generation Oh!GG: the melody is so so pretty

13. 134340 - BTS: wasn’t my favorite BTS release at the start, but won me over with the lyrics

14. Seesaw - Suga: SPEAKING of lyrics...this man is a master

15. Blue Moon - BTOB: their music is so flawless that it’s sickening, I love that they tried out jazz with this one

16. Shoot Me - DAY6: again, flawless discography we all know

17. Full Moon - Dreamcatcher: I love the chorus melody on this one!

18. Get It - Pristin V: @pledis where is pristin. you can’t throw me this song and walk away like that

19. See Sea - Hyolyn: had a year of amazing singles that left me really wanting that solo album

20. Save Me, Save You - WJSN: I am upset, distraught, LIVID, that neither of WJSN’s releases this past year were considered for choreography awards! I love both dances equally, but I prefer this song slightly more than Dreams Come True 

21: Nekkoya - Produce 48: considered putting Rumor on this list bc I actually listen to it more, but it doesn’t stay in my head on loop as long as this song does. Best Produce title track

22. Mosquito: Red Velvet: another pick mostly because of the lyrics, but the Power Up b-sides are strong in general

23. Chemistry - SHINee: I implode everytime the chorus hits

24. We Go Up/1, 2, 3 - NCT Dream: I cheated, I’m sorry I seriously couldn’t decide. I was originally going to put 1,2,3 only but then I remembered how I was completely sold on we go up after the first 3 seconds of jaemin rapping

25. Remember Me - Oh My Girl: I really missed Mimi rapping on a title track, and this song in general gave me older kpop vibes that I love

26. PUTP - Jimin Park ft. Kino, WOODZ, and Nathan: just the fact that Kino doesn’t pick up his phone and his pals were so annoyed they had to write this entire song is extremely amusing

27. Feeling - UNB: temporarily ignoring the fact that both UNB and UNI.T were completely shat on by their management, all of their music they released this year was top tier

28. Oh! My Mistake - APRIL: a late blooming song that I didn’t become obsessed with until two weeks ago

29. Baby - The Rose: I don’t really understand how people haven’t jumped on the bandwagon with this one given that their main vocal sammy sounds Like That

30: Touch - NCT127: imo their best title track this year but I don’t think a lot of people agree with that

[kinkysweetpea-blog]

PERFECT WORLD - SWEET PEA ( UNFORGIVABLE PART TWO. )

Summary: Sweet Pea imagines what would be included in what he considers to be a semi-perfect world. And he can’t help but be drowned in the thought of you in this so called perfect world. Coming to the conclusion there is no life without you— Sweet Pea is determined to get you back.

Masterlist can be found here…

Part One: Unforgivable can be found here…

Sweet Pea gave you the space he knew you deserved. As much as it killed him to not see you anymore— he had to do what was best and not seeing eachother was the best thing for the time being. He knew he had hurt you. Everyone in the Southside knew he had hurt you. It was something that hung over the air like a thick fog that could be suffocating if you breathed too much of it in. Sweet Pea’s sadness was following him around like a song on the radio that is forever on a continuous loop until people get tired of hearing it. His chest was getting heavier and heavier. Living life had become harder without seeing you. It was like you were just a figure of imagination.

Life for you was going no different. Depression had swallowed you like you were it’s last meal before hibernation and it had given you no will to do anything. You stopped showing up at school— for you had seen no point. You stopped going to Pop’s— for the second to last booth in the left corner of the diner had memories stuffed in the cushions that you didn’t want to fish out and relive again. You stopped doing everything. Your whole world had been pressed by the pause button and you purposely lost the remote.

Currently, Sweet Pea was laid on his bed and staring at the ceiling of his trailer. The bumps painting a picture for him to keep his attention for the time being. His mind wandered off thinking about what he would rather be doing. Your name immediately popping up, making his heart sink further into his chest. He imagined you right there beside him. Your hair sprawled out messily on the duvet, which would earn a cheeky comment from Sweet Pea about how a brush would need to be ran through the tangled locks. Just the sheer image of your smile painted behind his tired eyes made him grin. A grin that was more genuine than any words he had ever spoken. Loving you came easy to him. Sweet Pea had struggled with alot of things in life— but he realized he never had to struggle with you. Making a mistake like that would forever be in his box of regrets… But not fighting harder for you would take the most space. It then that he decided to stop feeling sorry for himself. To stop wishing to change the unchangeable. He was going to prove to you that obstacles were meant to be beaten. And the two of you were meant to be together… For he had seen it in the stars.

Showing up at your house was easier said than done. It took alot of courage to build up enough confidence to knock his bruised knuckles on the wooden door of your home. Anxiety coursed through his veins as he heared your feet patting against the floorboards and rush to open the door. Nothing came out his mouth as a gush of air hit him in his face as the door opened to reveal your tired and unkept state. He frowned as he examined your features. Your face sullen and purple from the lack of sleep. Your hair pulled up into a bun that was falling out the sides. You didn’t look like yourself at all and he had been the reason why. “Y/N.”

He tongue ached after the name left his mouth. It was the first in weeks he had said it. You were just as speechless as him. Because Sweet Pea wasn’t looking any better. His naturally curly hair had now been a matted mess of grease and untamable waves. Underneath his eyes had been loitered with bags from staying up all night thinking.

“Sweet Pea.” Your throat burned as you struggled to form his name in your mouth. You had went weeks without saying it. You had never seen him looking so… unhappy.

“Can I come in?” Sweet Pea asked hesitantly. “We need to talk.” He didn’t want to push his boundaries anymore than he already was.

Taking your bottom lip between your teeth, you opened the door wider for him to squeeze through. “My mom isn’t here right now. She went on a date with FP Jones—“ You couldn’t help but laugh a bit at the end.

Sweet Pea’s lips turned upwards at the sound he had missed so much… “She always did have a thing for that old man.” He chuckled.

You nodded and took a seat on the couch. Sweet Pea followed suit. An awkward silence fell over the two of you. Neither of you had prepared for a confrontation— and the wound was still a bit fresh. But nonetheless, this needed to be done in order to heal.

Your leg bounced up and down as the space between the two of you seemed to be a crack to the middle of the earth. There was one question in particular you had been dying to find out since Sweet Pea had told you he had slept with Veroncia. You just never had enough confidence to ask it. Until now.

“Did you like it?” Your voice startled him. He wasn’t expecting you to be the first one to speak up. His skin felt hot despite the air conditioner being on full blast. “Sleeping with Veronica— I mean. Did it… Did it feel good?”

His eyebrows raised in shock at your boldness. It made him shift uncomfortably. “Honestly—“ Sweet Pea paused as he flickered his eyes to your glum expression. “Honestly I don’t know Y/N. It was sex. Sex is supposed to feel good. But I didn’t make love to her. It wasn’t like that for me. The only person I had ever made love to was you. And I intended to keep it that way.” He explained truthfully. The last thing he wanted to do was lie to you. He would be lying if he said it didn’t enjoy it. Sleeping with Veronica was something quick and new. But at the end of the day she wasn’t you and he didn’t love her.

Sucking in a harsh breath, his words felt like a punch to the face. You had hoped he would lie and not give you the doubt of him wanting to go back and feel that exhilaration again. Love was just a word. You didn’t feel it. But something made you feel that Veronica did. “You don’t do that when you love someone.” You whispered as you picked at the loose thread on the worn down couch. “You don’t look for someone else’s company when you want mine. If you wanted sex I would have gave it to you. Was I not satisfying you during sex? Is that why you slept with Veronica…?”

Sweet Pea dug his head into the palm of his hands. This was a win for lose conversation. There was nothing he could say to make this any better and it was all his fault… All of it. “Baby listen to me— you were more than enough for me, okay? I didn’t do it because I stopped loving you. I didn’t do it because you weren’t satisfying me enough Y/N. I did it because I was being selfish and wanted to put that Northside prick in his place. It was never about hurting you. I’m sorry that’s how it happened. I’m sorry that you were put in the crossfire. But this is not a perfect world where mistakes never happen. This is real life. And we all make mistakes. I’m just hoping that we can move past this. Because I love you Y/N/N. I love you with every fiber in my being. I want us to get married and have children. I want us to be the couple that everyone wants to be. I want that with you. Not Veronica…” Sweet Pea’s eyes glazed over in tears as he slid his hand up to grab yours.

His skin igniting like an engine when your fingers laced with his. “I want that too. I want that more than anything in this world.” Your bottom lip trembled as you looked at him. Soaking him in as if it would be the last time ever seeing him. “But you hurt me Sweet Pea. Everytime I look at you, I just see her underneath you as you touch her— as you make her moan.” You cringed at the thought. “My heart is physically broken. Everytime I breathe I feel like there’s this weight on time of my chest preventing me from living. I don’t know if it can be fixed Sweetie. I don’t know.”

“Then let’s try to fix it together.” Pleaded Sweet Pea. “Let me prove to you that you can trust me. I know we can make it through this Y/N. You just have to let me in…” His face was now inches from yours. His face contorting into hope as he pressed a cautious kiss to your forehead and you didn’t pull away.

“Okay.” You whispered. “We can try.”

Sweet Pea smiled as he wrapped you in his arms rubbing your back lovingly. It felt like he could breathe again. The clouds surrounding him had now opened up to show the clear blue sky… “I fucking love you Y/N/N.”

“I love you too Sweetie…”