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farfromsugafanfic · 4 years

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Not So Silent Night

Genre: Quarantine Romance, slight Enemies To Lovers, Neighbors AU, Fluff, slight Angst

Pairing: Namjoon/ Reader

Warnings: none

Synopsis: Namjoon hadn’t intended to spend much time in his tiny apartment. And then a pandemic broke out. Now he’s stuck dealing with his noisy neighbor, you.

✦✧✦✧

Namjoon thought he was in the clear that Wednesday night. He'd heard the opening and closing of your front door, the clink of your keys in the lock, and the rustle of the groceries in your arms. He knew it was your Friday, which meant you'd usually turn on music while you cleaned your tiny apartment, or a play a movie on full blast while you devoured an entire pizza yourself.

It was nearly 9 pm and he hadn't heard a peep from you, not even the true crime podcast you sometimes put on. Namjoon, unlike you, had worked from home for months now. Even though most of his time at work was spent in his private studio, he had nearly an identical set up in his apartment.

He was still working, albeit, not on the songs he produced for other artists, but on his own. He'd just started editing the melody when heard the familiar bass chords of "What Makes You Beautiful". It was your favorite song to torture him with. Namjoon had nothing against the British boyband you seemed to love so much, that was until you started them playing them loudly at odd hours.

Namjoon sighed, pausing his work and rubbing his temples. He really needed to save up for a good pair of noise canceling headphones, although he wouldn't find it surprising if you somehow managed to invade his eardrums right away.

He tried to continue working, turning his headphones all the way up. Yet, all he could focus on was the way he heard the familiar bass line restart when the song ended.

Namjoon groaned and threw his headphones onto his desk. He'd only moved into this tiny apartment because the rent was cheap and he hadn't intended to spend much time in it. Then, a pandemic hit and suddenly, Namjoon was confined to four menacing white walls with the only company being his noisy neighbor, you.

He waited a half hour before he walked down the stairs to your apartment. Even though the city was under quarantine, the apartment building was snug and it was nearly impossible not to come into contact with each other. Securing his mask over his ear, he knocked on your door.

"Yes?" you asked, answering the door as if you'd been expecting him. You, too, had just finished looping the mask around your ear. It was a bright polka dot pattern that distracted Namjoon long enough that he managed to speak before noticing that your oversized T-shirt made it look like you weren't wearing shorts.

"Can you please keep it down, Y/N? It's the middle of the week for me and I have a Zoom call at 8 am tomorrow."

"That sounds like your problem," you said, leaving your door open as you tied the top of the trash bag you'd been getting ready to take out when Namjoon knocked.

A glint of annoyance passed over Namjoon's eyes and even from under your mask he could make out your familiar smirk from the way your eyebrows rose.

"Do you even own headphones?" he asked, crossing his arms. He didn't notice the way your eyes swept over his biceps and chest with his movement.

"They hurt my ears," you said, shrugging. Grabbing the trash bag by the tied top and heading back for your front door. "Now, be a doll and take this out for me? My legs hurt from work."

Namjoon looked at you with his eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. He didn't say anything as you shoved the bag into his hands.

"What? Why are looking at me like that?" you paused, dialing down your attitude for a moment. "Listen, if you do this, I'll turn it off so you can get your beauty sleep."

He watched as you reached up and pat his shoulder. Your nail polish was chipping and the gleam from your gold promise ring dulled. His eyes traced as your hand left the fabric of his T-shirt and came to the doorknob of your front door.

"Goodnight Namjoon," you said, shutting the door.

Namjoon stood in the hallway, his lips parted and a small breath. He scoffed as the familiar bassline blasted from your apartment.

✦✧✦✧

You'd had a long day. Work was keeping you at least an hour over every day and you felt your feet ache as slipped off your shoes. Even though you just wanted to fall into bed, you changed and washed your hands first, doing your best to feel clean before your skin hit the sheets. As a Pharmacy Technician, you were essential, and even if most of your job was counting pills and performing customer service, right now it was harder than ever.

With only ten hours until you had to be at work, you ordered food and eyed the laundry that was beginning to spill over the edge of the hamper like waves over a jetty. You sighed, taking out your phone and putting on music. You gathered up your clothes and laundry soap. Pocketing your keys and a handful of quarters dug out of the bottom of your purse, you made your way to the basement laundry room.

You let the music play. While you weren't particularly trying to get your tall neighbor's attention, or get on his nerves, like you usually were, you secretly hoped you'd get to catch a glimpse of his signature white T-shirt against his bronzed skin.

Loading your clothes into the shared washer, your phone began to ring and your boyfriend's face flashed across the screen. He was smiling widely in the picture, his hair swept back by the coastal breeze. At one point, it had been your favorite photo of him. Now, it just felt like a sweet apple that turned out to be poison.

You ignored the call and poured the detergent into the machine. Inserting the quarters, you heard footsteps coming down the stairs. You'd heard his feet on the stairs enough, that you recognized the soft one, two pattern as he made his way downstairs.

"I think the whole complex knows you're a fan of One Direction now," Namjoon said, coming into view. His hands were empty, having obviously come down purely because of your disruption.

"So be it," you said, starting the machine and glancing down as the music stopped and your phone rang again. You frowned as you rejected the call.

Namjoon noticed, his brow furrowing as his eyes glanced down at the phone in your hand. "You should've answered. At least you'd be less of a bother."

The two calls and the exhaustion weighed you down and felt yourself drifting below the surface. "I'm really not in the mood right now, Namjoon. Maybe tomorrow."

His sarcastic smile faltered. "If you don't want me to bother you, then don't play your music so loud." He crossed his arms over his chest, his muscles becoming more prominent as the fabric of his T-shirt stretched to accommodate the new position. You had no idea how he stayed so toned with the apartment gym shut down and such a small apartment.

"Maybe you should invest in earplugs."

"Maybe you should invest in headphones."

You scoffed and headed back upstairs, not feeling the banter. Your neck and shoulders were tense and you just wanted to finish your laundry and pass out for the night.

✦✧✦✧

Namjoon didn't think much of your sour mood. It was obvious that it extended beyond him since you rejected the phone call. He stood in the laundry room for a few moments and watched your laundry spin around in the washer.

He remembered back to the week before when you forced him to take out your garbage. A thought crossed his mind and he wondered if a good prank would lift your spirits.

With most coin operated washers, the doors locked right after the money is inserted and the washer starts. The ones at your apartment complex, however, had a loophole. Hitting the coin return button a few times, the quarters you'd entered fell into the coin return and the machine slowed to a stop.

Waiting a few moments to make sure you weren't coming back, he opened the door and took your wet clothes out of the dryer. He pocketed the coins, reminding himself to use them for your clothes later. Setting them on top of the washer, he rushed up to his apartment and grabbed his own laundry, starting it.

✦✧✦✧

The timer went off a half hour later. You were halfway through eating dinner but paused to go switch loads. You knew between your boyfriend' incessant calls and the hour long drying cycle, you were not going to get to sleep any time soon.

Shuffling down to the laundry room, you didn't even bother to throw on music this time. The heaviness in your eyes wouldn't be cured with Harry's sweet voice as usual.

Opening the door to the washer, your clothes were not there. A stroke of panic ran down your spine as your eyes darted across the row of washers, wondering if you had gone to the wrong one. All the other doors were open. You felt a stirring in your stomach as your mind raced with what to do.

"Lose something?"

You turned to see Namjoon coming down the stairs, carrying a laundry basket full of your wet clothes. Your heart beat out of your chest, your vision went black as your mind processed the sight.

"What the fuck, Namjoon?" you asked, yanking the basket from him. Tears came to your eyes as you looked down at the sopping wet clothes.

Namjoon's eyes widened at his words, having expected a snarky quip from you, he released his grip on the basket easily. Fishing for the quarters in his pocket, he held them out to you.

"God, I'm gonna get absolutely no sleep tonight," you said, shoving your half washed clothes back into the washer.

"Y/N?" he asked, his voice soft. "What's wrong?"

Once you'd restarted the washer, placing your body physically in front of it to block Namjoon from tampering with it once again, you eyed him.

"I'm only gonna get a few hours of sleep," you said, your voice surprisingly level. "My work clothes are in there." You leaned back against the washer, sighing as you looked down at the time on your phone.

"I-I'm--"

"Save it, Namjoon," you said. "Listen, I know we have this sort of relationship where we mess with each other. But, I'm really not in the mood for it tonight."

Namjoon tried to move towards you, but stopped himself, unsure of exactly what he was going to do or how he could help. He'd never seen you like this before. Dark circles around your eyes, your hair stringy and tousled from running your hands through it, and your posture so tense. Even though the lower half of your face was covered with a bright green mask, he could still make out your frown behind the fabric.

"Just le--" You were cut off by your phone's vibration.

Despite Namjoon having caused your distress, whoever kept calling you made your brow furrow and eyes water in a way that left Namjoon wanting to answer the phone and find out what they had done to you.

"Is everything okay?" he asked. "Who keeps calling you?"

Glancing down at the washer it had now moved onto the second cycle, you ignored. Meeting Namjoon's eyes, it hurt your chest to see the concern in them. After seeing you like this, after getting annoyed with him, he still worried about you.

"Just leave me alone, Namjoon."

✦✧✦✧

It was midnight on Wednesday night when the sound of yelling overtook the melody in his headphones. At first, he didn't think much of it. Many couples lived in the complex, and an occasional fight wasn't uncommon. Then, he heard your voice.

✦✧✦✧

"Jae-ho, what are you doing here? I told you you couldn't come."

"I just want to see you, baby." There was a softness in his voice, but it didn't reach his eyes. You'd been dodging his calls and texts for the past few days, hoping he would get the hint.

"Not until your test comes back negative," you said. "Plus, we really shouldn't be seeing each other that much. Especially since I'm still working."

Your boyfriend let out a long sigh and moved to walk inside. You blocked him, shutting the door slightly and wedging yourself in the gap. This only made him more frustrated, his hands reaching out to touch you.

You let him, allowing his hand to brush your own. You knew it was unlikely your boyfriend would get a positive result, his exposure limited and brief. But you couldn't risk it.

"Are you not scared of spreading it to me? To anyone?"

"I don't have it, babe. I've told you."

"You were still required to get tested. And since I see so many vulnerable people at work, I can't risk it." This wasn't the first time this was an issue. You'd been tested twice already. You job required you to come into contact with people all day, and more than a few confirmed cases had come through your pharmacy.

Jae-ho had had an issue those times too. Coming over when you'd told him not to, calling you until he got sick of dialing your number. You weren't sure how much longer you could take this.

"Are you cheating on me?"

The question lingered in the air as your mouth fell open in shock. Did he think that was the only reason you could not want to see him?

"No, of course not! I'm trying to protect you, Jae-ho!"

"I know you like that neighbor of yours. You still see him, don't you? Why do you see him and not me?"

"We're neighbors! This complex is so tiny, we can't help it!"

Your voice and his gradually rose with your emotions. You barely remember what either of you said after that, you only remembering sliding the promise ring off your finger and flinging it down the stairs.

✦✧✦✧

Namjoon walked down the stairs when he heard your door slam. He came upon your boyfriend, scoffing at your door. When he met the other man's eyes, Namjoon's immediately narrowed.

"Of course," Jae-ho said. He shook his head and walked down the stairs, pausing at the next landing. He bent down to retrieve something and Namjoon stopped focusing on the other man, reaching up to knock on your door.

Namjoon's knuckles didn't even make contact with your door before he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Jae-ho stood a few steps down and held out the gold promise ring you always wore.

"Give this back to Y/N," he said. "I don't want it either."

He handed Namjoon the ring before turning around and leaving for good.

✦✧✦✧

"Y/N?" Namjoon's voice cut through the dark silence of your apartment. You'd everything outside, but not realized that it was Namjoon Jae-ho was talking to. "Are you okay?

You opened the door. You tried to wipe your tears before Namjoon could take in your figure, but it was fruitless. When your eyes met his, you saw his heartbreaking at the sight of you.

"I'm okay."

"No, you're not," Namjoon said, waiting for you to give the okay for him to enter your apartment. You knew that there was no hiding from Namjoon. The two of you literally lived on top of one another and saw each other almost daily when you did the laundry or took the trash out. There was nearly no way to avoid Kim Namjoon for long.

You moved aside and closed the door behind him. Flopping down on your bed, you looked up at him. "Sorry if we woke you up."

Namjoon shook his head. "You didn't."

"Sorry to interrupt your work then," you said, feeling like you owed the man an apology for more than just this one night. "I didn't mean for it to escalate like that."

Namjoon didn't say anything. He glanced around your apartment, sensing the way that his eyes on you made you uncomfortable.

"You don't need to apologize," he said. "For anything."

You stayed silent, hugging a pillow to your chest.

The silence wasn't tense, but it wasn't calm either. There was something lingering between you. Something keeping Namjoon in your apartment after making sure you were okay. And something that allowed you to let him in at all.

"You know, whenever I was upset or I had trouble sleeping. My mom would always make me milk and cookies. It seems counterintuitive that something sugary helped me sleep. But it never failed."

Namjoon left for his apartment for a moment, coming back with a package of chocolate chip cookies and two glasses of milk. He handed you one of the glasses and sat the package of cookies down beside you.

"Is it okay if I stick around? Just in case your boyfriend tries to come back," Namjoon said. He knew his explanation was flimsy. It was obvious when the man left that he did not intend on coming back.

"Yes," you said, reaching to pull out a cookie and dip it in the milk. "I'd like that."

The two of you ate in silence. Silence rarely occurred when you saw Namjoon, no matter how much he may want it to, but now, you could tell by the tension in his shoulders that it worried him.

"You know, I kinda look forward to hearing you every night," he said. "Lets me take a break from my work. Means I get to come see you."

You chuckled, smiling for the first time that night. "Why do you think I was always loud?" The crunch of a cookie filled your pause. "I knew you would always come complain."

✦✧✦✧

"I have a present for you, Y/N," Namjoon said.

It was the holidays now. Your family was far away and none of you wanted to get on a plane. It saddened you that you wouldn't be able to see your family, but Namjoon had become your solace. He'd usually hear when you got home and about ten minutes later, he'd appear at your door, asking what you were having for dinner that night. Most of the time, you ate together.

It was just like all those other nights, except you didn't have to work the next morning. Namjoon had met you by your door, takeout in hand, and a backpack slung over his shoulder.

Namjoon reached into his backpack and pulled out a wrapped package. The paper was a bit wrinkled, indicating he'd wrapped it himself. It made you smile.

"Oh, wait," you said, getting up and walking to the closet where you pulled out a similarly wrapped package. You handed it to him and looked down at his gift for you.

Tearing off the paper, you laughed when you noticed it was headphones. They were expensive too, which made your stomach turn thinking that he spent so much money on you.

"Open the box," he said, a smug smile on his face.

You ripped open the box, finding crumpled up paper. You felt around until you felt a thin object. Pulling it out. you found a CD.

"It's a mixtape. For you." Namjoon's eyes wandered around the room. "I--uh--hope you'll play it like you do One Direction."

You flung your arms around him, but he stopped you. "There's something else."

You looked down at the box quizzically before you began pulling out the paper. Reaching inside, you felt what you immediately recognized as a ring. Thoughts ran through your mind as you pulled it out.

It was your promise ring from Jae-ho, shinier than when you had last seen it. "He wanted me to give it back to you. But, I knew it might be painful. I had it cleaned and engraved for you."

You turned the ring to see the engraving on the inside: Be Loud - KNJ

#bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfction #btsimagines #namjoon #kim namjoon #bts fan fiction #namjoon fanfic #namjoon enemies to lovers #rm #rm fanfic #rm fluff #namjoon neighbors au #bts au fanfic #bts au fic #originally posted on wattpad #farfromsuga

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hisunshiine · 4 years

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—who said I was an angel? |pjm|

⟢ pairing: Jimin x f!reader

⟢ genre: established lovers | smut, fluff | oneshot | wedding au

⟢ rating: 18+, nsfw

⟢ summary: Sex with Jimin is a religious experience, to say the least.

⟢ warnings: themes of christianity used in what could be considered sacrilegious LOL but honestly, I think it was written very beautifully and poetic.

⟢ kinks: semi-public sex, oral (m receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, breeding kink (minor)

⟢ word count: 777 words

⟢ author’s note: includes links to audio that sound like Jimin to enhance your reading pleasure...listen at your own risk! I suggest with headphones and NOT around others, especially family.

His hands tangled in your hair as he held your head still. The lewd sounds of you sucking him deeper into your mouth, spit coating his cock every time he plunged in too deep causing you to gag.

(Audio)

You looked up at him, eyelashes wet with unshed tears and his eyes took in your face, the way your cheeks were hollowed, the way the apples of your cheeks were warm from exertion, and the way your eyes pulled him in… he threw his head back as his hips stuttered,

and the way his blonde hair eclipsed the dim lighting in the back of the church stacks made him look like an angel. You eye the length of his neck into his chest, which disappeared behind a white button down that was unbuttoned several inches down, his tanned skin showing.

His lips, pink and plump from his constant biting parted, a beautiful moan flowing from him like heavens trumpets as he continued to flex his hips, slipping himself into your warm and wet mouth, his weight on your tongue… You knew he was close.

“Fuck, you take me so well angel,” he groans, looking back down at you on your knees, like a congregation member at an alter.

You would worship Jimin’s cock like it was your saving grace, and he would bless you with endless orgasms until you were calling for your salvation, nerve-endings alight in omnipresence and the feeling of floating through heaven.

“Angel, I want to cum in you,” Jimin demands, pulling your mouth off of him with a wet ‘pop’ sound, his thumb reaching to wipe the lingering string of saliva stuck to your face off and sucking his thumb into his own mouth.

The sight sends pulses to your core, and your trembling legs almost fail you. Jimin helps you up, attaching his lips to yours with a fierceness of God’s mightiest, walking you backwards until your backside meets the old wooden table. He hikes you up onto it without separating his lips from yours and his hands run the length of your thighs, pushing up your dress. In seconds he has rid you of your lace panties; they were drenched and useless.

“Oh God, Jimin, please,” you plead, and he answers your prayers, his thick length is breaching entry into your tight, pulsing center. You sigh out an ‘amen’ as your walls stretch deliciously to accommodate him.

“Fuck me, Jimin, please, don’t stop...” your lips brush his neck as you pull him closer to you, a communion of your mind, body, and spirit as his precum mixes with your own slick and he thrusts, nailing you to the wood, the old table creaking in protest as his muscular thighs drive home. Your hands grip his ass and you feel the flex as he fills you repeatedly, your body close to ascension.

“Angel, I’m close… you’re so tight, and wet, fuck... ”

“You made me this way..” you coo, praising his ministries and his glory bequeathed inside of you.

You can feel when he releases, the way you fill with his seed, it leaking out around his still semi-hard cock as he pumps the last few spurts inside of you and drops his head to your shoulder.

(Audio)

You cradle him, silent vows only heard by a higher power as you both breathe heavily, knowing this shouldn’t have happened here, but happy that it would continue happening again and again because you were only flesh, only human, and his angelic voice had called to you from the choir every Sunday that you sat in the pews watching him, God’s grace shining from his body until you answered the call.

Jimin pulls back to kiss you softly, gentle butterfly kisses as he slides out of you, the wet baptism pooling between your thighs a witness to the consummation of your marriage.

“Angel, let’s get out of here and back to the reception, before your mom comes to find us and kills me,” he says as he grabs tissues to clean you both up.

“If you’re giving her grandchildren, she’ll be more than happy to lock us in here until the next service, husband.”

“Oh, I’m giving her grandchildren, dearest wife.”

His kiss was rapturous as he pulled you off the table and into his arms, your white dress smoothed back down by his wandering hands. He is your paradise, and you will follow him wherever he shall lead.

In this instance, it is back to the reception hall to be greeted by his brethren and rejoice in your c̶u̶m̶i̶n̶g̶ coming together as one…

... in more ways than one.

♡

#hisunshiine #hisunshiinewritings #park jimin #Jimin #jimin smut #jimin scenario #jimin one shot #park jimin scenarios #park jimin scenario #park jimin oneshot #bts jimin #bts jimin smut #bts jimin one shot #bts jimin scenario #bts jimin scenarios

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theaetherwitch · 6 years

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Meditation: What it is and How To Do it

- From my grimoire

What is Meditation

This is a question I see a lot on tumblr, or at least see many people who have a different view or idea of what Meditation actually is. To break it down to it’s most simple aspect, it’s the act of clearing your mind or focusing. This is time that you take out of the day to do something you enjoy and to clear your mind of unnecessary baggage and stress.There is no right or wrong way to practice meditation, but the goal is to focus on something. It could be anything.

People meditate for a variety of reasons, from speaking to spirit guides, to self discovery, to just relaxing after a hard day at work. And on top of that, the act of meditation and how people choose to do it can be a number of things. Never feel constricted when meditating, just do what works for you!

Why To Meditate

Some of you might be wondering exactly what the point of meditation is, and that’s a valid question to have. Meditation isn’t just for spirituality, it’s about growing as a person and taking time to rejuvenate yourself. It’s about taking the time to give yourself time to do something you enjoy and that you’re passionate about. Meditation can be a time to relax too. If you find yourself feeling super tired or drained after a long day at work or school, meditation can really bring you back up and give you energy to work with before bed time approaches. It can also be an intimate experience with yourself. You’re being left along to your own thoughts, ideas, and ideals. Sometimes your subconscious can bring some very interesting things about yourself to light.

Possible Ways to Meditate

When it comes to meditation, there are millions of ways to do it, so never feel like these are your only options! These are just the methods I’ve used or have experience with. Find something that works well for you, and remember as long as you’re calm and focused, you’re meditating.

Sitting or Laying Down - This is the most common method of meditation. Where you find somewhere comfortable to relax and you try to clear your mind. While yes, this is a classic method, it may not work for everyone.

Listening to Music - This method, in combination with laying down, is how I personally like to meditate. Music can give the mind something to focus on without trying to force it. Listening to your favorite music, and just getting into a good vibe is a great method.

Bathing - Another really good option, especially if you’ve had a rough day at work. Sit underneath the running water of a shower, or in a warm bath and let the water wash away all your troubles. Relax and enjoy the personal moment.

Reading a Book or Doing Homework - While this may not be everyones favorite method, this definitely gives you’re mind something to focus on. Get enthralled in your favorite book, or sit down and get some homework done. You may not wanna do it, but you’ll feel proud of yourself afterwards!

Running/Walking - When walking, go as slow as you feel comfortable going. Take your time, enjoy the scenery, take the things around you in. And as for running, dont be afraid to push yourself just a bit. Once you hit that runners high, your mind can do some amazing things, but if anything starts to hurt than stop immediately!

Video Games - Another one of my favorite methods. A video game is a good way to keep your body doing something, while your mind focuses on another. A very good option for people who have trouble sitting still, popping in your favorite video game and getting involved in the gameplay or story can be a fun and relaxing experience.

Cleaning - A method that’s often overlooked, but something that can actually be very therapeutic. We try to go through and clean the house at least once a week. Not only does this flush out any lingering negativity, but it can also give you a chance to change the way things are laid out. Not to mention that sweeping by itself can be meditative itself.

Gardening - A fun thing that you or the entire family can do and take part in. Having a daily ritual of watering and weeding, can really get you into a routine and give you something to look forward to in your day. Gardening can be relaxing, and a great way to boost self love.

Petting an Animal - Petting an animal can be not only soothing, but if you get into a rhythm then it can turn into a bonding experience with you and your pet. Who doesn’t love cuddling their pets?

Focusing Your Mind, For Beginners

When it comes focusing your mind, there aren’t really any true ways to do it and you’ll need to find what works best in your case. It takes lots of trial and error to find what works best for you. And never get discouraged! Meditation is something that you’re not going to get right on the first try. In the beginning, start slow and only try to focus your mind for a few seconds at a time. Slowly though, work your way up into minutes. Meditation is something that takes years to master, so never try to rush yourself.

First, before anything you need to be in the right mindset. If you don’t want to, or don’t have faith than you have the ability to focus, then you’ll get absolutely nowhere and frustrate yourself. Make sure you have a good idea of what you want to do, how you want to do it, and what your end goals are. Remember, you CAN do this!!!

Next is to pick your chosen method. It can be anything from the list above, to something that you’ve picked out yourself. As long as it’s something you enjoy and can focus on, then it’s correct for you.

After you pick what method you’re going to use, then you’re going to want to find your space. Think about your method. Are you going to be going outside? Do you need a quiet place? What time of day is it? Ask questions like this to make sure you’ve got the right environment for your needs.

You’re almost ready to meditate! There’s just one last thing you need to do. Set up your environment. Light some candles or turn on your wax melts. If you’re going outside, make sure you’ve got on comfy clothes and you’re not wearing anything thats going to be uncomfortable. Just make sure you’re cozy and ready to do this and that the environment promotes your own success.

After that, you should be ready to go. Relax, pick up your book or headphones and jump right in. When first trying this, make sure it’s something you know you’re going to enjoy, like you favorite book/movie/song/video game. Something you know that will actually hold your attention. If you grab a new book off the shelf you’ve never tackled before, or go down a strange walking trail, you’ve already set yourself up for failure. You’re entering into unknown territory and you never know what’s going to happen or what to expect. In the beginning stages, always stick with things you know! Once you’ve got a good grasp on meditation, then go down that new path or listen to some new music.

Hopefully this helps some of you! As always, I’m here if any of you have questions! <3

#pagan wicca #paganism #pagan #wicca #wiccan #spiritual #spirituality #meditation #meditating #tutorial #guide #how to #green witch #cosmic witch #baby witch #my tips #my grimoire

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lifeofacomplexmixedgirl · 5 years

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Surviving a Quarter-life Crisis

15-minute read | to be listened with: ‘Our Destiny’ by Hinda Hicks

It's November 30th, and I'm sitting at the corner of the bed, having a panic attack, hiding underneath the warmest cobija I could find in Tio Edwin's cold and abandoned room. The only clean and conveniently isolated corner of this entire house - buried behind mountains of hoarded clothes, furniture, and mail from the '80s - to shield myself from Abuela's nightly rage. If I silence my thoughts, I can hear her shouting from the attic, "Pinche cayajera…siempre yendo y viniendo. You make me so mad!" Five minutes later, she's baiting me with a peace meal, "Mija, ya comiste? I cook for you some arroz," only to get caught in her next course of torment - no, thank you.

Surrounded by unfinished ink drawings plastered along the walls, a few discarded guitars, and a hot wheel collection, I volunteer to solitary confinement as I wait till she exhausts herself to sleep. Tonight's interrogation began the same as every other - with my face cradled in my hands, asking, "why the fuck am I here?". I fall back onto the bed, close my eyes, and take deep breaths until my mind saturates with fantasies of the free and steady life I long for. The sight of my own home decorated with open space, natural light, greenery, walls filled with photos, and shelves of books evokes earlier memories of what I used to have. Suddenly, my mind becomes inflamed with countless regrets, and I cry - depending on my tears to flood away the fires that have been set ablaze inside of me for some time. Feeling desiccated, I reach for the phone and call the only person who can restore me... mom.

Answering the first ring, I immediately drop a dumbbell of weightless questions in hopes she will have the solutions to maybe one or two - but let's be honest - all of my problems.

"Um… hello? Ma, did you hear what I said?" I ask irritably.

"I'm listening… sounds like you're having a quarter-life crisis kid," she jokingly remarks.

"Ha ha ha…-_- I need to get out of this house like now. Abuela is stressing me OUT! I ain't gonna make it…" I respond in desperation.

"Do you want me to pick you up?"

"PLEEEASE!"

"Be cool, gymshoe. I just dropped your brother off at home. I'll be there in about an hour."

"Alright, bet."

I'm checking the time every few minutes, then finally an hour elapses. A rush of energy fills my body, and I jump out the bed, grab my jacket, and race out the back door in an escape. Just in time, I see mom pull up through the rain, and I hop in the driver's seat as she climbs over to the passenger side. "You hungry, lovebug?" she asks. "I stay hungry," I assure her. We bop in-sync to our favorite R&B throwbacks driving east down Division to scoop a pound of jumbo shrimp from Goose Island and make our way to my mom's mentor and long-time friend, Dr. O.

Dr. O'Bannon is the epitome of black excellence - a woman of independence, knowledge, and self-love. Dining at her table, pouring glasses of cabernet wine, in a high-rise that overlooks Navy Pier and Lake Michigan, everything about her exuded strength. As she and my mother are sharing childhood stories, ancestry, and accomplishments, I'm leaning in to listen and absorb it all. After a few hours, I'm so inspired and loaded with courage that I ask her if she would be open to having me as a guest for a week, and with the help of my mom, she accepted.

And with this new blessing, I'm setting out to heal, learn, and reach a higher state of self because in ten days... I'll be 25.

How I Prepared Turning 25 in Ten Days

Day One: Sunday

I woke up to a new day, new week, new month, so I decided to start my day by doing something active. League of Their Own, a Chicago based women's recreational sports group that meets up every other Sunday, was holding a double dutch event - I couldn't miss out on the opportunity to enjoy some culture and bask in positive girl energy. Afterward, I had a healthy breakfast - drank some fire peach coffee - and engaged in pleasant conversation at Peach's in Bronzeville with one of my homegirls. Then I kicked it back to the crib for the rest of the day to indulge in self-care rituals and prepare for the week ahead.

What it cost: $20 (splendid breakfast + tip) What I gained: Strength and timing - I have to get my footwork right before I step into the new decade.

Day Three: Tuesday

On my way home from work, I decided to take a detour through Millenium Park, and I saw everyone crowd around the rink to watch the staff resurface the ice. Out of curiosity, I went to inquire about admission and told myself, "If this is more than $15, I ain't skating". Ha - it was $13, so I took it as a sign to go out there and take a break from adulthood. Unconcerned about time or priorities, I put my headphones on, skated for an hour, and reminisced on my favorite childhood memories. Remembering when my mom placed me in ice-skating classes for the first time and how much I loved it. I couldn't remember why I stopped going, but alas, there I was - my child-like spirit being awakened inside of me.

What it cost: $13 (skate-rental) What I gained: Childish innocence - my most appreciated attribute - and a new activity to keep every Tuesday during the winter to stay active.

Day Five: Thursday

I picked a route and stuck to walking home for the rest of the week. With an enormous love for all things design, I stopped by the Chicago Cultural Center to check out the Chicago Architecture Biennial. I have this goal for when I turn 30, which is to go back to school for architecture, design my family's home in Mexico, and successfully retire as 'the ultimate designer.' I walked through the exhibit, sat down, and sketched. I looked up at my favorite piece and just knew that this was something I'm committed to accomplishing.

What it cost: FREE (Admission is always free to the public) What I gained: Inspiration and reassurance of my future goals.

Day Seven: Saturday

After drill, I stopped by Abuela's to pick up some things. I made my way towards the back door, and when I opened it, there stood at the top of the stairs, my Tio Huber's savage-ass dogs. I was still until one started barking, and the other three charged for me. "Oh shit," is all I could think as I turned around and dipped. Once I made it to the gate, I felt a sharp pain pierce through my thigh and pull me back before I could jump over. At that moment, I gave up and broke down in tears - because as much as I've tried to keep my spirits high and pass on positive energy, I'm always thrown a curveball. I let them bite and claw at me as I made my way back to the door to attempt to run again upstairs.

While trying to care for the wound and Abuela shouting at me, I realized that my time living here has come to an end, and come January, I need a new place to stay. Sharing this news with her made her even more upset, but I left for the hospital, accepting my circumstances. On my way out, my tio's friend shares with me, "Life is really kicking your ass right now...everything is going to be okay, remember it's only temporary. The universe is preparing you for something greater." - Great, what in the possible world could the universe be preparing me for? -_-

What it cost: We're not even getting into this... What I gained: Acceptance.

Day Nine: Monday

I took it slow today. I went to work, then home.

As I poured a glass of wine and appreciated the views, I reflected on the past 5 years of my life. I pulled out my secret journal, wrote down my lessons, blessings, goals, and planned my next steps. What else should do I be doing the night before I turn 25?

What it cost: It doesn't cost anything to invest in yourself. What I gained: Closure and enthusiasm for a new and healthy beginning.

Day Ten: Happy 25th Birthday

"Happy 25th birthday to me!" I yelled in excitement- I hope I didn't wake Dr. O, but I couldn't help it. I usually keep special days like this to myself and only share with close friends, but I wanted to make an announcement to the world that I'm here, healed, healthy, and loved. I went to work and had a beautiful dinner with Dr. O. It was the perfect night to wind down from an amazing week.

I planned a get-together tomorrow night with all of my day ones at my favorite bar, Estereo, so my birthday isn't over until I'm hungover, haha!

What it cost: Vulnerability and patience. What I gained: Genuine support, long-time friends, and healthy relationships.

It's hard for me to accept that things aren't going to go the way I intended, but I've learned to accept it because everything really does happen for a reason. One of the biggest lessons I learned this year is to lead a life with no expectations because life itself is unexpected - who we meet, where we go, what we say, when things happen - that way, I'll never be disappointed.

Your girl, ~Eva

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solastia · 6 years

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Tuqburni | 1

Pairing: Yoongi x reader, Yoongi x Jimin (Eventually some Jimin POV)

Word Count: 4,230

Genre & Warnings: Angst, slight mxm smut. Don’t worry, it will get more explicit as we go along ;)

Notes: This is not a healthy example of how Polyamory should work. No one should ever feel left out, and everything should be discussed thoroughly. Reader needs to learn to stand up for herself. We are here for the drama though, aren’t we ;)

Jimin moved in today.

You’d managed to get them to hold off for a whole month, claiming that you needed the time to get to know Jimin before he did, and they’d both agreed to that, and to keep the physical stuff limited until he moved in. It had been one very long month of awkward dinners twice a week, movie nights every Friday, and one agonizingly silent ice cream date that Yoongi had not so subtly canceled on, saying, “You guys can enjoy yourselves though.”

You’d gotten so good at pasting a fake smile on your face as they giggled together during a meal that it was like second nature to you now. Imagining Jimin choking on his dinner helped.

“You haven’t touched your food, are you alright?” Your thoughts are interrupted as Yoongi seems to finally remember that you exist, and he’s even looking at you with concern, go figure.

“Yeah, great. Just trying to think of if there is anything else we need to get Jimin comfortable.” You smile stiffly at Yoongi, knowing that the man who used to pick up on any nuance in your expressions with hawk-like sharpness wouldn’t notice.

“I think we have everything we need. Thank you for thinking of me, though.” Jimin said softly.

“We will need to upgrade the bed soon. I don’t think a Queen will be big enough for us for long.” Yoongi chuckles.

That’s right. You were all sleeping in the same bed. And that little situation is what’s been troubling you the most.

How was this supposed to work? What was going to happen? Who was going to sleep in the middle? They were probably going to want to fuck today since they’d only promised to keep their hands to themselves until move-in day. Were they just going to fuck or were they going to ask you to join? Were you going to have to touch Jimin? The only way you wanted to touch him was preferably with a blunt object upside his head.

You glanced up and observed the two men. While Jimin was still shy and reserved around you, Yoongi was in high spirits. He’d been smiling and chatty for weeks now, and today he was practically bouncing with excitement. That was honestly the only thing keeping you going at this point. You loved seeing him so happy, and you didn’t want to be the one to take it away. The selfish and petty part of your brain bragged that this surely meant that you loved Yoongi more than Jimin did, and obviously that made you the better person.

When everyone was finished eating, you shooed them off to go watch TV while you cleaned. You washed the dishes and listened to their laughter reaching you from the living room. Glancing around the house, you could see little bits of Jimin everywhere now. Anime figures on shelves, jackets and shoes by the front door, face creams and protein powders on all your counters. He’d even taken up a whole half of your closet, your stuff being squashed off to the side.

You joined them on the couch when you were done, with you and Jimin on either side of Yoongi. He picked up your right hand and Jimin’s left and placed a delicate kiss on the back of them both, smiling to himself as you all watched the rest of the movie.

When the credits start rolling, Yoongi shuts off the television and stands up, pulling the both of you up with him to get ready for bed. After taking turns in the bathroom, Yoongi and you go to the bedroom first, leaving Jimin to finish with his skincare routine.

You didn’t know what else to do so you just slide into your usual spot on the right side of the bed and focus on setting your alarm for work in the morning. You breathe a little more relaxed once Yoongi slides in next to you, situating himself in the middle. You glance up as Jimin enters and Yoongi tells him to shut off the light. He’s blushing, and he meets your eyes for a second before he does as he’s told and shrouds the room in darkness.

The bed dips slightly as Jimin takes the left side and Yoongi fluffs the blankets and pillows around, making sure everyone is covered. You maneuver onto your side, expecting Yoongi to big spoon you like usual, but he just gives a contented sigh and kisses your neck before laying flat on his back.

“Goodnight, Princess. Night, Jiminie.” He murmurs, and you start to relax a little, hoping that he was really just that tired that he’d go right to sleep.

It was perhaps an hour later that your hopes were dashed.

You’d barely started to doze off because your mind was just filled with worry. You glanced at the clock and wondered what had brought you to full alertness.

There was a gasp followed by a quiet moan. Your body felt frozen in shock. You didn’t even know why you were shocked because you’d expected them to want to have sex. You just thought you’d at least talk about things first, or that Yoongi would want to include you. Fucking in the middle of the night when they thought you were asleep didn’t feel like you were welcome at all.

“Hyung, should we? Don’t you want to wake up Noona?” You heard Jimin whisper. You hated him, but you felt thankful at that moment. You braced yourself, expecting Yoongi to try to gently shake you awake.

“It’s okay, Jiminie. We’re all together now. We’ll make it up to her tomorrow. But I need to make love to you right now, Jimin. It’s been so long, baby. If I don’t touch you, I’ll burst. I can’t think of anything but being inside you.” Yoongi groaned, and Jimin sighed softly as he gave in.

You covered your mouth to quiet your sobs as the room was soon filled with quiet moans and grunts, the bed that you and Yoongi made love on so many times gently rocking as he fucked someone else right next to your “sleeping” form.

You watched the clock and waited. After almost an hour and listening to them fuck at least twice, they finally were whispering “I love you,” and slumping back into their places. You heard them say goodnight and kiss one last time. Judging by the movements in the bed, Jimin had cuddled up to Yoongi’s back, and you were suddenly surprised when you felt Yoongi snuggle into you, spooning you like usual. He placed a soft kiss on your nape and wrapped his arm around your waist. You didn’t know whether to feel good or offended, but sleep remained elusive that night.

The next morning you went on with your usual routine, not wanting to bring it up unless they did. Of course, no one did.

“You look tired, baby. Sleep okay?” Yoongi asked as he brushed your bangs out of your eyes.

“Yup. Just need my caffeine.” You joked and took a big sip of the coffee he handed you. You wondered if he was basically trying to see if you knew, and it pissed you off that the man that claimed to hate dishonesty was keeping something from you. Not that you were much better since you weren’t telling them you knew.

You prepared everyone breakfast, and the guys just talked about their plans for the day as you all got ready for work. You still worked with Yoongi at his company, but now as a credited producer. As of today, Jimin was one of the company’s new choreographers. A job that he should have taken a long time ago instead of getting greedy for his own fame, in your opinion.

All of you gathered your bags for the day and headed out to the car, where you were left with another dilemma. Usually, you and Yoongi drove to work together, and your spot was in the passenger seat, but you didn’t know if you were still welcome there. You stopped walking in the driveway and leaned down, pretending the strap of your shoe was loose so they’d step ahead of you and you’d just take whatever seat was left.

When you thought enough time had passed, you looked up, holding your breath, only to find Jimin holding the passenger door open for you. He gestured for you to enter with an awkward looking smile that you responded to with one of your own and slid inside. Jimin closed the door behind you, and you glanced at Yoongi who was watching the interaction with a soft smile. He leaned over and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek then turned on his car playlist as Jimin gets in the backseat.

The drive to work was relatively quiet, beyond Yoongi’s music and occasional humming, and you were thrilled to finally be able to get out of the stifling environment once you arrived. The three of you walked into the building’s lobby, and Yoongi kisses Jimin goodbye right on the lips where everyone can see before he waves him off to his side of the building. You look around, hoping that no one was paying you guys much attention. You weren’t looking forward to trying to explain this situation to anyone that you worked with yet. You hadn’t even told any of your friends. You didn’t know what to say.

You sigh and lace your fingers with Yoongi’s and let him guide you to the studio.

You stare at your monitor, the track you were working on nothing more than moving lines on a screen and booming echoes in your ear since you can’t concentrate. You glance over at Yoongi’s side of the room and notice he’s making massive amounts of progress on his, the bobbing of his head and little smirk letting you know that he’s pleased with his work.

You tear off your headphones and lean back into your chair with a groan. There was no way you were going to be able to get any work done today. You were so tired, and the sounds of skin slapping and men groaning were playing on a loop in your head.

You were beyond jealous and hurt. You hated feeling like this, especially since you knew that you couldn’t complain because you’d agreed to this. You just thought that there would be more of you in this equation as well.

You looked over at Yoongi again, and you knew what you needed. You needed to fuck him right now. You needed him to make you feel only the way he can. You need to be reminded that he loved you and still wanted you. It’s not like fucking in the studio is a new thing. You’d done it many times before.

You get up and walk behind Yoongi’s chair and slide your hands down his shoulders, locking them in place on his chest. You lean down and kiss his neck lightly, and he looks up and smiles.

“What’s up, babe?” He asks as he slides his headphones back.

“Mmm, you just looked pretty, and I couldn’t resist saying hello.” You giggle, biting his earlobe and tugging on an earring.

Yoongi chuckles and swats you away from his ear. You prop your chin on his shoulder. “You know what we haven’t done in here in a while?” You hum into his ear.

“Oh yeah? I think I can guess, but I’m making such good progress right now I don’t want to stop while I’m on a roll. If you’re a good girl and wait for us to get home, I’ll fuck you so good you can’t walk straight for days. Alright?” He leans up and kisses you on the lips before looking back at the screen.

You feel the hurt and rejection rising, but you decided to say fuck your pride and try one last time.

“You sure? I’m already so wet and ready for you.” You purr, stroking his chest lightly and nipping his neck.

"Babe, I’m never gonna finish this work if you keep doing that. I promise I’ll make it up to you. Get to work, Princess.” He laughs and pats your butt as he maneuvers you back over to your side.

You slump into your chair as you feel yourself tearing up. Yoongi’s already put his headphones back on and is back to bobbing with the music, not a care in the world. You feel thoroughly rejected and unwanted. Either he didn’t want you anymore, or he was just too tired from fucking Jimin. You know there’s a high possibility that you are just being overdramatic, but you can’t help the way you feel. Yoongi has only turned you down once before, and that was only because you’d tried to have sex with him while the two of you were visiting his parents.

You slide your headphones back on and throw yourself into your work, hoping that Yoongi will buy the excuse that you are exhausted when he sees your red and puffy eyes later.

You decide to take your lunch break a couple of hours later. Usually, you and Yoongi would head to the cafeteria together, but you didn’t even say anything to him before you left. You doubt he’d even noticed you were gone.

You slam your tray full of food on your usual table. You had grabbed more than you could eat, thinking you could eat the pain away at least, but the first bite felt dry and bland. You mindlessly played with your food until you felt the presence of another person sliding in next to you.

“Chin up, Buttercup. Do you need me to tell you some of my amazing jokes?” Kim Seokjin smiles down at you and bumps your shoulder.

You chuckle and grant Jin a small smile, knowing he wouldn’t drop it unless you did. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to have lunch with Namjoonie. He’ll be here in a few. He’s been working hard on his music lately, so lunch and bedtime are my only chances to see him. I can’t wait until that group has their comeback so my husband can come back.” Jin guffaws, his laugh alone causing you to have your first genuine smile of the day.

“You and Yoongi are working on that album too, right?” He asks, before shoveling an admirably large amount of food in his mouth.

“Yeah. It’s going well. With Yoongi, me, and Namjoon all working on it, this should be the album of the century.” You laugh and take a few bites for show.

“Don’t forget to take some time off for the weekend. It’s your guy’s third anniversary tomorrow, right? You were able to get the tickets you wanted?” Jin asks innocently, and you suck in a breath.

“Yeah. It’s that, alright. We’ll see. We’ve been so busy...with...work.” You didn’t think you sounded that convincing.

“I heard there was a new choreographer, too. You should point him out to me if you see him come in. I’m dying of curiosity because Namjoon says that Yoongi didn’t tell him anything before hiring him and I heard the girls whispering that he’s a God on my way over here.”

You see a flash of blonde in a sea of black near the food line and sigh.

“You already know him, Jin. Everyone does.” You gesture towards the line, and he stares in that direction.

“But...but...that's...” He stuttered

“Yes.”

“Park Fucking Jimin.” Jin actually growled.

“Yuppppp.” You answer, shoving another forkful in your mouth.

“He’s back? Why didn’t anyone tell us he was back? Does Yoongi know? Wait, of course he knows, it’s his company. Did you know?” He stares down at you, disbelief and rage written all over his face.

You remember when Jimin had left so many years ago, Yoongi’s best friend and the companies Vice President Kim Namjoon and his husband Seokjin, had been so involved in helping you put Yoongi back together again. You’d grown close to Seokjin after Yoongi had put himself in the hospital and had to go under two weeks of suicide watch. He’d helped you around the hospital with food and checking on Yoongi, and you’d become great friends in the years that followed. You dared to say that he was probably your best friend. So it was understandable how concerned he was.

“He’s been back for a couple months now. He...moved in yesterday.” You muttered quietly.

“Moved in? As in, moved into your house? Why would he move into your house?” Jin’s voice was starting to rise in volume, and you glanced around to make sure no one was listening.

“Because I guess we’re a trio now.”

“Like, all dating each other? My mind is blowing up right now. Why would Yoongi do that to you? You agreed to this?”

“Yeah, technically. I guess.”

“That’s why you look sad, though. Am I right?”

“Yeah. I can never hide anything from you, Jinnie.” I chuckle mirthlessly. “I’m just...I don’t know. Scared. Worried for me. Worried for Yoongi. I’m not sure what I’m doing.” You sigh and push the food on your plate around.

“If it’s making you sad I don’t think you should do this, though,” Jin says quietly.

“I know. But Jin, he’s so happy. Yoongi has been so happy since I agreed to bring Jimin into the relationship with us. I feel so weird all the time, and I’m so scared, but then I see how absolutely glowing he is and I think that might make it all worth it in the end.”

“I’ve always loved how much you care for him and how selfless you are. I know that you probably won’t take my advice, but just be careful. I don’t want to see anyone hurt, least of all a sweetheart like you. I don’t know what Yoongi is doing, but I do know that he really cares about you.” Jin sighs and pats your hair.

“That’s the thing, Jin. I'm not selfless at all. I'm selfish as hell. I’m doing my best to hold onto him, no matter what. I can’t lose him. If it means I have to share him, I will. But I can’t give him up.” Your hand clenches around your fork in anger, and you glance up at Jin with tears building in your eyes.

“Oh, sweetheart. My heart is hurting so much for you. I don’t know what I can say to help, because the situation is so complicated. But, just know that if you need someone, I’m here. Me and Joonie both. There’s a guest room if you need it or an ear if you need that.”

“Thanks, Jin. I appreciate that more than you know.” You lean into the side hug he gives you, and a deep chuckle fills the silence.

“Can you stop trying to steal my husband? I swear, I walk into the most intimate situations with you two.” Namjoon smirks as he plops down across from Jin.

“Never. Not until the most handsome man in the world is mine.” You declare. Jin laughs loudly, and Namjoon rolls his eyes. He glances between the two of you, his eyes widening a bit when he takes notice of your eyes.

“Have you been crying? What’s up?” Namjoon asks.

“Noona, can I sit with you?” A quiet voice interrupts right as you were about to explain a less complicated version to Namjoon. You flinch when you realize who the voice belongs to.

“Of course. Sit.” You answer Jimin softly, the fake smile that you’d become a pro at making its appearance again.

“Park Jimin?” Namjoon exclaimed, food falling unattractively from his mouth.

“Hello, hyungs! I missed you!” Jimin smiles so sweetly, and Namjoon is practically choking on his food. Jin answers Jimin with a tight smile of his own, his hand reaching under the table to squeeze mine in comfort.

“Jimin. Nice to see you again. Are you here to stay?” Seokjin asked, passive aggressiveness oozing from his very pores.

Jimin flinched slightly, but to his credit, he didn’t look surprised. He appeared to be somewhat resigned.

“Yes. I know you all must not like me very much right now, but I swear that I’m so sorry. I’ve already talked to Yoongi and Y/N about how sorry I am.” Jimin looks near tears. Namjoon is patting him on the back in comfort, ever the sucker for cute things. Jin huffs and looks down his nose at him.

“We’ll see. I think you’re all going about this the wrong way, but you’re all adults so I can’t tell you what to do. Just be careful, don’t hurt Yoongi again. We’ll accept you back into the fold because that’s what they want, but you have to be prepared to work for everyone’s trust back. And if you make Y/N cry, I will gut you like a fish and make Jimin jjigae, got it?” Jin’s voice is deadly soft and quiet. An infrequent enough occasion to make even Jimin’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Yes, hyung.” Jimin whispers.

“Fantastic. Let’s all eat in peace, then. Conflict gives you indigestion!” Jin declares and shoves almost an entire hamburger into his mouth.

You do as your told and eat heartily, feeling much better now that you know you have someone on your side. You pretend you don’t notice Jimin frequently glancing your way. If he thought you were going to stand up for him or something, he’d be waiting a long ass time.

When the three of you finally got home that evening, you were so exhausted. Both physically and mentally. All you wanted was to relax, have a beer, and be thoroughly fucked.

You kicked off your shoes and walked to the kitchen, pulling out three beers. You bring the boys their bottles as they lounged on the couch and took a few sips of yours before you remembered you still had to make plans for tomorrow.

“Mm, Yoongi baby? We have a problem for tomorrow.” You say, not really sure how to go about it. Should you guys include Jimin in your anniversary dinner too? You really hoped not. You wanted at least one thing to yourself. You wondered what Yoongi has been planning. He usually had everything planned out weeks in advance.

“I am existing off coffee fumes right now, do you think you can bring up this problem tomorrow?” Yoongi groaned and leaned his head on Jimin’s shoulder without looking at you. Jimin was watching you curiously, and it made you feel almost humiliated.

“I mean, I guess. I just thought I should know about the plans for tomorrow, so we know how everything is going to work.” You mutter quietly.

“Plans? Why, what’s tomorrow?” Yoongi yawned and glanced at you for a second before looking back at the television.

Your mouth opened and closed several times in shock. Anniversaries were his thing. He was the one that always remembered every significant date, every holiday, every minor occasion that he thought warranted a celebration. He even gave you flowers on the anniversary of the day he first kissed you and took you out to celebrate the day you agreed to move in with him. This was the first time he’d ever forgotten anything.

“Its...uh. Nothing. Don’t worry about it, babe. Just got confused, I guess. I’m drained, so I’m going to take a bath and head to bed, okay?” You say as you walk into the kitchen and pick up the card filled with tickets to a basketball game he’d been looking forward to.

“Alright. Night, Princess.” He yelled, not even getting up to give you a hug or a kiss or the promised fuck from earlier.

You clench your jaw and toss the card into the trash bin and head to the bathroom.

At least with the water running, they couldn’t hear you cry.

2K notes · View notes

krist-420 · 2 years

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youtube

This is the actual music that is on the Shroud of Mother Mary of Guadalupe

This Whole Miracle is Proven and Backed up by Science!

This MUSIC Gets Rid of Lower Energy and Entities from within and around You ..Your Family..Your House..Room etc (Play in your room or earphones feel the Difference) a must experience!!

#Youtube #miraculous #mother mary #marry #healing music #this really works well for clearing out your house #helps get rid of lower energy #listen with headphones and clean you mind body and spirit #spiritual message #spiritualawakening #music from GOD

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textingnct · 6 years

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best friend yukhei

what would lucas be like as your best friend?

there’s never a dull moment with him! he’s unpredictable in the best way and constantly has you on your toes

although his excitement for life can be described as ‘extra’, he’s not really draining to be around

his whole being is refreshing, and he’s fully aware of when to tone it down a little for you

you’re both at a solid understanding of each other’s personality...and even if yukhei is a challenge for most people, he’s your best friend for a reason

who needs an alarm when you have him?

every morning and every nap is interrupted by his phone calls because he knows you will forget to wake up without him

“heeeey, guess who it is! no, dude, guess what time it is. please wake up, i thought you went into hibernation.”

he’s either two extremes: extremely loving and protective like an older brother, or teasing you like your annoying younger brother

one minute his chin is resting on the top of your head and his arms are lazily wrapped around you, telling you all about his day

and the next he’s chasing you around trying to get you a wet willy and howling at the top of his lungs

his laughter is never tiresome

at first it might have been off putting, but it’s probably your favorite sound to hear and you love managing to have him belt it out

and he doesn’t really care about what everyone else around you might be thinking or doing

if you’re across the room from him, he’ll make silly faces at you and try to provoke your laughter

and obviously you have to do them back or else he won’t leave you alone

it’s always interesting when taeyong comes into the living room to find one of you on the couch and the other by the counter staring intently at each other

his sense of humor is extremely playful and if you’re not used to playing back, it may come off as harsh (ex: fat kun)

“wait, stay right there.”

“why?”

“just don’t move!”

he’ll whip his phone out and automatically you’ll know he’s putting some ridiculous snapchat filter on you and it’ll be heading towards his story

“yUuUuUukhei stoOoOoOOoop!”

hanging out in public is always a task because everyone thinks you’re too comfortable to just be friends...but that’s it. like you’re just friends.

it’s probably his fault because he’s too touchy? but oh well try telling him that

always passing you one headphone to listen to his music with him

“do you like it?”

“i do.”

“alright nice because there’s a whole lot more coming your way i even made a playlist that you might like. aren’t i the best?”

his music is kind of loud and too much but who are you to complain

yukhei practically lives in your house. your bed is his, your tv is his, your netflix account is also his, and any food? it’s all his.

whenever he goes over he just opens the door and flops onto your bed

“i’m hungry. c’mon, let’s go eat. did you guys buy groceries yet?”

“i think my mom went yesterday.”

“really?! dude nice, did she remember to buy the chips i asked for?”

everything has a solution in his eyes. if you don’t have a single idea, he has 10. (they’re probably not realistic and might give you arrested but hey, the thought counts!)

for some reason he isn’t capable of remembering to clean his glasses so you always do it for him

whenever you text him anything funny he doesn’t reply with a normal ‘haha’ reaction or a keyboard smash

it always takes a minute but eventually you receive an audio recording and you know it’s going to be of him laughing

there’s never a moment where you’re talking and he’s not staring intently at you just to make you uncomfortable and laugh

you probably think it’s to freak you out, but he does it to make you comfortable with him (and it really does help)

seriously, yukhei is so good at making people confident and comfortable

it’s not to say you’re a mess without him but he really does teach you and everyone around him how to let loose a little

“hey, can i stay over at your house again?”

“no yukhei, remember last time?”

“i promise i won’t use marker to draw on you while you take a nap on the couch. i lost the marker anyway, what harm can i do?”

probably still dabs but like...who are you to judge

did we go over how touchy he is? like, he is really touchy

if you’re sitting anywhere he’ll go over and slump his legs over yours or just tangle them together

and he loves pinching your nose or poking at your cheek just to mess with you when he jokes around

even though you’re friends there’s moments where he says questionable things that make you wonder if he’s flirting...there’s just this silence for a moment until he realizes how it sounds

“nonono wait not like that hold up just a second let me rephrase that!”

even if you’re in public and he has one headphone in he’ll blast his music through his headphones and lip sync and dance around much to your dismay

“please stop body rolling we’re in the middle of walmart and that lady is looking at you weird.”

nags you daily on every form of social media

you can be arguing over snapchat, but looking at slime videos on instagram, and then texting about a book

“hey, i’m telling you. mark is a good man and i wouldn’t mind setting you up!”

“stop trying to set me up with your friends yukhei. i’m sure you have more of a crush on mark than i do.”

“okay so you’re not a mark type of person. how about jungwoo? i see those subtle signals. i can tell you’re all about jungwoo.”

“yUuUuUkhei-”

“alright alright i get it sheesh, yuta right?”

it takes him a moment to realize when you’re feeling down or need him to be empathetic towards how you’re feeling in certain situations

and he gets a little awkward because he’s really not used to how to deal with it

he’s best at being upbeat, but he knows that’s not what you need at the moment

so he’s more of a listener than he is an advice giver. and he always gives you a disclaimer too, “i’m sorry i can’t do as much as i should,” but he’s an amazing shoulder to cry on as he’s patient and listens to everything you say

and it’s the thought that counts about him

even with all his exterior energy, it all comes back down to him wanting the best for you and wanting to keep you happy and content

and that’s his goal, to keep you on high spirits and out of your comfort zone but to also have someone you can recount memories with and find something of meaning with them

and occasionally he’ll get a little quiet and thoughtful with you while you’re hanging out

“what’s got you so thoughtful today?”

“huh? nothing. i was just thinking about you. i’m happy we’re friends even if you’re a pain.” and his grin is really big and his hand just slams down onto your head to ruffle it

“i’m the pain?”

“yeah. it’s okay though, you’re my pain.”

#wong yukhei #yukhei wong #yukhei #lucas #wong lucas #lucas wong #huang xuxi #nct u #nct 2018 #nct texts #nct scenarios #nct imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #any

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doomedandstoned · 6 years

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Uncle Acid: The Veil is Lifted

~By Jamie LaRose~

Photographs by Burning Moon

'Wasteland' (2018), the latest offering from Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats, will melt your brain. This pleasurable trip induced via neuron-altering sound will send you on a ride into the void of dilapidated humanity, then back to earth in an awakening.

We had the chance to visit with Uncle Acid founding member Kevin Starrs about the new album and his own inspiring musical journey. He also indulged some unusual fan questions.

Come trip with us.

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"At the end I was sick everywhere."

I was curious about the narrative underlying 'Wasteland.' Is it a follow-up to the story behind 'Mind Control' (2013)?

It’s funny, I never really thought of much similarity between the two albums. There is an underlying theme of manipulation, propaganda, and things like that, which were sort of touched on in Mind Control. Wasteland is a little more fragmented, almost like fragments from a memory disc or something like that, that’s all been shattered and thrown together. So although all of the songs relate to each other, it’s not so much of a linear story as the other albums are.

That makes sense. The title track seems to encompass a wide array of styles, from the 1960s to present, with its melodies, harmonies and psychedelic dissonance. I feel like a time traveler. Do you think music is a true form of time travel?

Yeah, you know, you associate memories with certain sounds. In this particular track, as you say, there are so many different influences on that. It wasn’t really intentional, that was just the way it kind of panned out in the end. That’s actually one of my favorite tracks of the album, just the way it turned out. I think it came out really great.

I agree. Mind blowing.

Thank you.

"Even if we have a pristine recording, I’ll do whatever I can to destroy it."

I had my headphones on, I sat back, and I kind of lost myself in that track “Exodus” after I had listened to the album and I found myself startled. This has happened before, when I was listening to that Jimi Hendrix song, “The Stars That Play with Laughing Sam’s Dice,” for the first time. I got into the groove with "Exodus" and there’s this weird, kind of heartbeat sound coming in and it took me off guard. I almost forgot I was listening and then it snapped me into a different place.

That’s great. I mean, that’s sort of the idea of it. It’s to mold you into a false sense of security, then you’re going along and all the sudden it stops -- that part about the mercenary or whatever, that sawing sound like somebody’s skull is being sawed open and gets stuck into the brain, and there’s all kinds of panning and effects that swell around your brain. Especially if you say you listened to it on headphones, it can be quite disorientating. When I finished this album, finished mixing it and listened to it straight through for the first time, at the end I was sick everywhere. For whatever reason, it made me feel very uneasy, I don’t know if it was the music or because I had worked on it so hard, but it was quite strange to just vomit after you’ve finished an album like that.

It almost surrounds the part of your brain where you’re unable to escape from it. It makes sense to have felt that way, that’s how it happened for me, as well!

Nice. I’m glad.

So what's the story behind 'Wasteland'?

It was based not in a desert wasteland, but a city wasteland, with large, boned-out buildings. Loads of propaganda and things like that. The story just evolved as I was writing it.

Before this interview, I asked fans is they had some questions for you. Here's an unusual one to start: "How do you feel about spirit animals?"

Spirit animals. You know, I’ve never really thought about that.

Like if you have a dream or event that involves an animal coming to you?

I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that sort of thing.

Seemed like something that was possible.

Well, maybe. I mean, I’m not really sure what kind of spirit animal I would be, to be honest.

Another fan question I got frequently was, "Who's Uncle?" Are you?

I guess that would be me, yeah. I started it and I used that name in the beginning “Uncle Acid” just because, you know, I didn’t think it was going to get anywhere. It was just kind of a small project and I wanted to remain anonymous. It made sense to take a name like that, but as the band grew a lot bigger and it became an international thing, I didn’t want it to become a character that I had to play -- you know, some fucking whatever -- so I thought, "We’ll scrap the idea and I can just use a different sort of name" and became K. R. Starrs and then Kevin Starrs. There’s just all different kind of ways of putting it, so it can be quite confusing for people.

You go by many names, perhaps you have not settled yet? There’s probably another form that will somehow emerge.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There could be, yeah.

"It was just kind of a small project and I wanted to remain anonymous."

I had another fan question, "Would consider doing a Cactus cover in Uncle Acid style?" They suggested “One Way or Another.”

You know, I’ve never really thought about doing a Cactus song. I guess “Evil” would be a good one to do. That was the first Cactus song I ever heard, so that could work. It’s always good to do sort of unusual songs for covers. I’ve got a couple of ideas that we could use as B-sides if we ever need them, strange covers that maybe people would be a little bit surprised with.

I had a somewhat strange request from someone who asked if you could live in their basement, because it wasn’t doomy enough. In relationship to that, I was wondering if you’ve gotten strange fan requests and what the strangest request might have been.

It tends to happen in the U.S. amazingly. I remember meeting someone and he wanted me to sign his pickle jar. He had like and empty, large pickle jar. He was very adamant. I don’t know what he was going to put in it, but he was adamant that it needed to be signed by me.

That can go in a lot of different directions. Like, you’ve signed a jar that something can go into.

It could be some body parts -- anything, really. I mean, you never know.

I live in Florida by way of Portland, Oregon and the last time I saw your band was in Philadelphia, you were playing with Danava. I know you’ve toured with them a couple of times and I’m a huge fan, as well. How you did like touring with Danava and what other bands have you enjoyed sharing the stage with?

We’ve been pretty lucky, as we’ve gotten to tour with a lot of really great bands. Static Vision, I really love what they’re doing. We’ve got Blood Ceremony coming up here and we’re really excited about that, we’ve been looking to tour with them for a long time. I’ve been a fan of theirs since their very first album and I love everything that they’ve done. It’s always just been difficult to get schedules to match up. We finally got a window of opportunity to tour, so we are really looking forward to that. And, of course, as you say, Danava -- one of the best, the best band in America, in my opinion. Greg’s always been very supportive of us, as well, so we always have a good time touring with those guys.

In the album, I hear a kind of '80s metal influence with theatrical stylings muffled down into psychedelic tones and that brain-mesh we spoke about. What are some of your most notable influences to date?

Pink Floyd is a huge influence, especially on this one. Pink Floyd, as well as Roger Waters solo stuff. He makes albums that are very immersive, it goes back to using sound effects and spoken word, and sound samples of voices. He always does that on his albums and it makes it immersive for the listener, adding a sort of paranoia feeling to it sometimes. So, yeah, Pink Floyd, I love that band. Neil Young is a huge influence, as is Simon and Garfunkel.

I always assume that people aren’t going to like it.

You have a style that transcends time. Someone could recognized Uncle Acid as a band from the '60s, but with the modern attributes of mixing and mastering. It feels so expansive. You’ve been able to cover so much ground, using musically recognizable forms from each era without replicating the bands that influenced you. How do you pull off this unique sound?

I just write to my particular tastes. I always assume that people aren’t going to like it. So, if you have that in mind, any sort of good reaction is going to be unexpected, really. We’re not trying to recreate anything that’s happened in the past, I just have a specific sound that I like. Sometimes that’s contrary to what’s going on currently, especially on the production side.

A lot of the metal production is very clean and you can hear every single element of the drums and everything is perfectly in place. It’s all really sterile and I really don’t like that sort of thing, so I go in the exact opposite direction. Even if we have a pristine recording, I’ll do whatever I can to destroy it, run it through preamps, and turn everything up. I make it sound kind of disgusting, the opposite of what’s popular at the moment. We use a mixture of analog and digital, as well. There is a place for digital in recording, you can make it sound really good. We’re not specifically trying to recreate anything from the past, but I guess because our music production is so different from a lot of the modern productions. People just assume that it’s trying to be like that.

Speaking of the modern production in relationship to your process, do you use vintage equipment in recording?

It’s a mix, really. A lot of the guitars we use are new, made in the last 10-15 years. I’ve used an amp from 1958 and an amp from 1972 and then an amp from 2005. Whatever sounds good, basically, we’ll use. In the studio that we used, they had a lot of great, old vintage equipment, stuff that’s been in there for 50 years. Microphones and tape machines and echo chambers that we used were used on classic records, and we got to use them.

The recording studio that you use, do you know of the history of the equipment that you have been able to record with?

Yeah, we’ve recorded at Sunset Sound in Los Angeles for the main tracking. That’s where the first couple of Van Halen records were made, Neil Young recorded there, the Stones, Zeppelin, The Doors. I mean, it’s just a who’s who, all these classic albums were made there. There is something about those rooms that held a sort of vibe to the place, which definitely helps. You feel this sort of leisure gain, because you’re playing in a place where you know so much great music has been recorded. You want to up your game a little bit to match that.

"Question everything and keep your mind open."

It sounds like that studio would be very filled with their presence in a way, if you have that sort of sentiment about spaces.

Yeah, absolutely!

Do you have a message to the universe from Uncle Acid or Kevin Starrs?

Question everything and keep your mind open. That’s it, really. In a lot of our albums, we present stories where if people would question things maybe it wouldn’t have turned out as bad for the people on the albums. A lot of the time, people just fall for the propaganda, they fall for what they’re told, and it always ends terribly for them. All of our albums have that theme of just things going terribly wrong for people.

Question Your Destiny

Jamie LaRose reviews Uncle Acid's new heart-stopping spin

The fifth album by Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats, 'Wasteland' (2018 - Rise Above Records), is filled with questions -- questions one needs to ask to avert the miry void of a dismal, propaganda-filled eternity. Uncle Acid is Kevin R. Starrs (lead guitar, vocals, organ) and the Deadbeats are Vaughn Stokes (rhythm guitar, backing vocals), John Rice (drums), and Justin Smith (bass). The narrative of these songs begs us to interrogate our reality by asking "What's real?" In a dismal, decayed, apocalyptic world, the way to find escape is through a journey. From beginning to end, the psychedelic melodies will keep the soul alert through its dark night. The album contains extreme mastery of a personal style orchestrated by the infamous Uncle Acid himself. Trust me when I say it will affect your brain chemistry.

The storyline of Wasteland has us constantly second guessing ourselves as we're guided by the tones of insanity. “See Through You” will gives a launching point into space. It sounds as if you are being launched into a rocket where you will meet this very tune in the expansive voids of outer worlds. The best way to experience the album in the most immersive way would be to listen with a nice pair of headphones. The intricacies of the chaos created will become so intense that you have to wonder if you’re listening to something interdimensional. After speaking with Kevin Starrs, the creation comes to life in a different way, yet everything makes sense when he explains that the reaction you feel was intended.

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Music Video by Gryphus Visuals

Kevin Starrs has gone by many different names throughout his time with the band, yet his style always remains outstandingly individualistic and organic. There are hints of many different styles throughout the record, from groovy psychedelic rock and '80s hair metal to the futuristic possibilities of unknown noise. It is apparent that the influences he referenced most, such as Pink Floyd, come into play in the writing process. Even though the nature of this record has obvious influences, drawing from a wide array of inspirations, there is not the slightest indication that it is contrived in any way. The style is well-developed by Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats and thus distinctly their own.

There is something about this writing style that focuses intricately on brain invasion. The final track, “Exodus,” is a great example of neural integration within this musical masterpiece. While listening, I became entranced by the lulling melody of the swaying guitar riffs, quintessential Uncle Acid vocals, and the snazzy high hats. This comforting sound is like a rocking chair, with a quality of restless relaxation. Finding myself enraptured by this hypnotism, I sank further into a state of calmness. This came towards the end, right when a decision must be made. In the outro, I was awakened to memories of the album in its entirety, as if I was waking from a dream. The enrapturing nature of this song affected me greatly. I felt confused, lost. As soon as I realized I was still listening to the album, I awoke a new person with a piece of myself curious to hear my own heartbeat. It wasn’t my heartbeat, was it? No, it was the awakening.

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Film by Billy Goate

Overall, the experience of listening to the new Uncle Acid album for the first time was much more than I ever expected. Each time I hear the songs in succession, I encounter an invasion in my head. Finding the truth is hidden within the questions we ask ourselves and Uncle Acid has let us in on this discovery. In order to find oneself, we must take a look inward. If that doesn’t work, take a look at your realm of outward influences and you will discover yourself once more in the Wasteland.

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jaspitch · 4 years

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Five Nightguards at Freddy’s (3)

Malayn's Archives- Archive 3

Malayn was a couple hours early so he could help clean up before working. And by help clean up, he actually meant annoy anyone and everyone who was cleaning up. Scott was shaking like a leaf when Malayn stood next to him, commenting on different techniques to stabbing people. Yeah, that's what he was talking about: Stabbing people.

As far as looks were concerned, Malayn could techinically be considered good looking. He had black hair that stayed straight and neat 24/7. It flowed down to the end of his ears, so still a bit long. He had ice blue eyes that almost seemed white, which scared everyone because he also had basically invisible pupils. Creepy, to say the least. He was 6′4, and though tall, was jealous of September, who at the age of 23, was still growing. Malayn wasn’t jealous of the fact that September was having brain surgery because the growing harmone in his head needed to be shut off though.

As twelve o’clock rolled around, he helped Justin lock up, who was complaining non-stop about him having to work on Sunday with Scott. Weekends required double-up shifts due to the amount of angsty teens that tried to 1. sneak in or 2. graffiti the walls. They even had three actual cops guard the place, varying each week. As far as Malayn was concerned, he’d rather have a shift with Scott if it meant he could flirt with Serenity, the cop this weekend. She had light pink hair and was of average height with sparkling green eyes. Slim and pretty, she had caught Malayn’s eye at first sight.

Of course, she also hated him, so getting a decent ‘hi’ was torture. Plus she was also so into her job, half the time she ignored everyone. The second cop, and the only boy, a seventeen year old kid named Alex. He had black hair and dark amber eyes and was unnervingly short. His glasses, which were thin framed and larger than his eyes (luckily they didn’t enlarge his eyes), did little to no help. He could see well already, so the glasses did nothing for him. Malayn wondered who the hell told him to wear glasses. Alex was a nervous wreck half the time, and wasn’t very open. He didnt stutter, but never seemed to look anyone in the eye and always rubbed his arm when talking.

The final cop who showed up was a 22 year old girl with light amber eyes and strawberry blonde hair that was currently a light brow. Sherrie was her name, and she was the friendliest of the group. Free-spirited and joyful, but not interesting. Malayn was almost done daydreaming when he felt Justin push a wad of keys into his hand. “Anyways, see ya later, Herrero!” Malayn flinched at his last name but waved goodbye and locked the door. He had about ten minutes until the main lights went off, so after slowly walking to the office he looked down the hallway. After a few moments, the lights shut off.

Malayn yawned and unlocked the desk drawer, picking up and studying a new, light gray Samsung tablet. What the hell was this? The tablet booted up quickly and turned on to Camera 2B. The graphics were about twenty times better, and the kitchen camera was actually on. Though this was great in Malayn’s eyes, it was also unnerving. He checked the paper on the wall and noted September’s shift was last night. So either Henry finally was fed up with people complaining about the old HP or September’s shift hadn’t gone completely as planned.

'As planned' usually meant not being dragged into the backroom and nearly killed, in case anyone was asking. Malayn groaned and leaned his head back, already born out of his mind. After a few seconds, an unnatural hotness overcame him, and he fiddled with his hands, trying to ignore it. As of recent, hot flashes had been wracking his body. It wasn't because once again, Fritz had left the heater on, or due to the fact his mind was hell-bent on Serenity, it was something else.

A familiar thought came to mind. Blood. Oh fuck no. That unhealthy obsession had definitely done something to poor Malayn's head. Pushing up his sleeves to look at the mangled scars on his arms, he groaned in frustration. In moments like these, he'd be cutting small cuts in something (usually bell peppers or tomatoes) to satisfy whatever the hell was telling him to kill people.

Thanks, Byron. Even though his step dad had been around since birth, Malayn insisted on calling him Byron. Byron was a manipulative, abusive, bitch. And only to Malayn, seeing as how he was the only kid that wasn't actually related to him. Maybe if Corren had stayed around, he'd have been there to comfort his younger brother. But he was dead.

Corren was Malayn's real brother. He was around thirteen when he died. Light brown curls, large blue eyes, freckles. Not much else was there to remember him by. He had been killed on the train tracks right outside of Washington County. Malayn preferred not to remember that scene, though it haunted him each night.

The rush of heat finally wavered and he sighed out of relief. A sudden noise made him jump, and he turned to look at Bonnie, who was about to step into the office. Slamming his fist down on the button, the door slammed shut right in the animatronic's face. It was a slow-ish night, to say the least. After about four hours of nobody coming to the office besides the once in a while Bonnie, Malayn granted it safe to go down the hallway to refill the coffee pot with water. Quickly walking to the kitchen, he turned on the water in the sink, and started to fill the pot up.

Malayn turned the water off, eyeing the door. The room temperature had dropped a good 10°. Something felt... Off, to say the very least. The male swallowed, making his Adam's apple move a tad. Slowly walking to the door, Malayn kept his eyes focused behind him. Once opening the door, the male looked in front of him, just to be met with dark purple. Slowly looking up, Malayn swallowed, matching eyes with two blaring red ones.

The rabbit reached for the man, but he ducked and turned, prepped to run to the other side of the kitchen. Scrambling towards the exit, he was met with Chica and Foxy gawking and ready to screech at him. Slamming the door shut, he turned around, already ducking under Bonnie's outstretched arms again. He darted out the first door, starting for the exit. Stopped ubruptly by a dark red arm with an attached hook, he stopped and turned down the other hallway, sprinting into the one and only party room.

Only having a few good seconds to gather his thoughts, the male started to look for some sort of escape route. Of course, he could jump in the vent, but he knew Fritz had left the heater on (again), and it would probably be best to not have an asthma attack because of how thick the air was in the vent. The only other option was to hide under a table or try and get onto the two boards that connected the middle of the roof and the frame of the building. With Foxy now almost at the door, Malayn went for the roof, latching onto the singular rope that dangled from the ceiling.

It was hard to reach, of course, because it’s end was dangling seven feet away from the ground, but Malayn was able to jump and make it. Starting to hurriedly make his way up to the top, he looked down for a split second to see Chica, Bonnie, Foxy, and Freddy all looking up at him. Each mascot had their hands raised, trying to grab his pant leg or maybe the rope. Giving a quick thanks to the constructors who hadn’t just yet finished the inside of the party room, Malayn pulled himsef up the rest of the way and sat down on the boards.

Sighing, he rubbe his eyes. Fuck you, dad. If you didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be here. Damn right, had his stepfather not been a complete asshole all the time, he’d probably be some big-time corporate CFO or something. But no! “Well, my real sons needs their tuition payed. Malayn can take care of his own college.” And so here he was, life on the line, trying to pay his rent and college debt. Leonn and Carter had their daddy to pay for them, as where he, the outcast of the family, had to pay off his own debt.

A sharp screech made the man jump, and he looked down. Foxy had hooked the rope and was tugging on it. The screech came again and then the rope went falling down, a small piece of flat metal going down with it. Okay, now he was fucking stuck up here. It would probably freak out anyone who was opening up to see him not there. Silently praying it would be someone like Storm or Jeremy, who wouldn’t ask questions and would just help.

The animatronics below started to shriek with rage, which made Malayn cover his ears. It was horrific to hear them like that. Almost like a dying kid was wailing. Trying to sort out his thoughts, a single screech wracked through the building. That noise- Wham! It hit Malayn like a truck of bricks. He almost fell backwards, and started to pant as he relived that horrific scenario again.

“C’mon, Mal! It’ll be fun. See?” Corren started to walk on the train tracks, hopping up and over each of the small rails undeneath. “I don’t know, Coryo. Mama said it’s dangerous.” Malayn was standing off to the side, rubbing his neck. Corren stopped and placed his hands on his hips. “Andy told me this place was deserted. No trains ever come here.” Malayn shrugged, “Yeah, but, Mama-”

“Mama this, Mama that! Here, how about this? I’ll run on ahead all the way to that oak tree. You can listen to my music with my headphones. I’ll be right back, okie dokie?” The brunette took off his headset, walked over to Malayn, and handed it to him. Malayn was ecstatic. He wasn’t ten yet, so he wasn’t allowd to have his own electronics. Corren letting him use his was amazing! “O-okay, fair. Just hurry back, Coryo.” Corren beamed and started running across the tracks, skipping through the rails as he started for the oak tree.

Slipping on the headset, Malayn picked a random song and started listening. He was so enthrolled, that he barely realized that he was now no longer standing still, but rather, walking on the tracks. Finally realizing this, the young boy smiled. This wasn’t so bad after all! Yeah it wouldn’t have been so bad had he heard Corren screaming at him to get off the train tracks, as a train was gaining ground on him. And by the time he finally moved over the earjack and asked “What?”, it was almost over. Hearing the loud hoot, Malayn looked to his left to see a train, mere meters from he was.

However, he never felt anything but a harsh push, before landing on the soft grass. Rubbing his head and looking up, Malayn got one final glimpse of his brother, his face contorted in a muted screech, before the train zoomed by. The shriek the train tracks made when the train went by sounded so similar to-

“Hey, Malayn! How the hell’d you get up there?” A smooth voice called from below. Malayn looked over the edge of the boards, staring down at two dark blue eyes. There, in his beautiful glory, was the one and only perfect Augustine Jamairica. He, one of two, was a man at the pizzeria who could easily get a girlfriend yet didn’t have one. “Uh, I climbed.” Malayn said, his voice a bit scratchy. “Want some help down?” Augustine pointed to a white ladder in the corner, which just fueled Malayn’s embarassment. How had he not seen that? “It’d be appreciated.”

With that, Augutine gave a perfect white smile before setting the ladder up and helping his co-worker down. The two walked out together after Augustine explained he ahd only come today to grab his headphones he left. they both split ways and before he knew it, Malayn was laying in his bed, half asleep. After finally drifting off to his slumber, he was surprised to wake up at 2:00, without any nightmares.

Malayn’s Archive Ends Here.

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thelostandforgottenangel · 7 years

Text

Sunshine

Today wasn’t the day to fuck with him; or any of them for that fact, there was an ever growing gloom that had hung over the lair since last night’s patrol.

Raphael had been in the gym for the entire day after their morning training had ended at ten thirty; Raphael grunted, extended his arms and held the bar above his head for a full five seconds, Slowly, steadily, and with the utmost control, he lowered the bar to within less than a millimeter of his plastron then extended again in a smooth, even movement as the burn licked out across his chest and flickered through his shoulders and arms, that intoxicating release of lactic acid to which he was so addicted to.

He paused for a moment before he continued to lift his weights even though his arms were ready to give out, he could faintly hear his brothers chatting with April and Casey in the kitchen as they prepared lunch for them; it seemed the others had lightened up slightly since their friends had arrived.

“Hey are you really going to spend all day in here Raph? Come join us big guy”

He glanced over after he had placed the weights back on the rack seeing April’s smiling face watching him; the burn in his muscles had subsided slowly leaving him strangely numb as she stepped closer holding out a cold water bottle in a silent offer, he slowly sat up and plucked his towel from the floor, wiping his face and neck free of the sweat that was dripping over his skin before taking the bottle from their human friend sucking down the cool water in seconds finally taking a calming breath.

He shook his head lumbering up from where he had been sitting “No offence but m’ staying in ‘ere. Don’t think ‘m the best company” Her eyes met his as he moved over to the wall reaching up grabbing a thick bar that was connected to the celling pulling himself up with ease before placing one hand behind his back lifting his body with one arm feeling the intoxicating burn that pulsed through him as his muscles worked to distract him from the bad mood that had been hanging over him all day.

She sighed looking over her shoulder “Can’t say I didn’t try guess I’ll just have to let Mikey and Casey in here. Leo was getting tired of holding them off anyway”

A low growl broke from his chest as he dropped to the floor stretching his arm out getting ready to do the next arm

“Go ahead been meanin’ ta pound that lil’ shit anyway. An Casey has been askin’ fer an ass whoopin’ all danm week”

He heard the low sigh as he reached up doing his reps with the other arm working out the small knot that seemed to be forming in his muscles looking over seeing she was rubbing the space between her eyes; an attribute to hanging around Leonardo to long. He could see she didn’t approve “I brought beer...” his interest peaked as she walked towards the door going to leave glancing back with a smile “And if I’m correct Raven will be here soon her school let out half an hour ago”

She had him and she knew it, just the mention of that beautiful name had his heart beating faster in his chest pounding so wildly behind his plastron he was sure if she had been any closer she might have been able to hear it.

He cleared his throat suddenly aware that his mouth was becoming really dry grabbing his towel from the bench where he had thrown it wrapping it around his neck hoping she couldn’t see the redness that was taking over his cheeks

“Well since you brought beer”

The grin that crossed her face told him she knew he was lying “Sure you’ll come out of here after working out for four hours straight for the ‘beer’, got nothing to do with her huh big guy. Well at least I convinced you”

He waited a moment getting his breathing under control before stepping out of the gym wanting to have a cool head when she got home so they could hang out heading into the kitchen before catching a bowl full of ice water to the face when his youngest brother jumped out laughing uncontrollably “Dudes he’s alive! Thought you might need to cool off brah” his eyes locked on his baby brother seconds before Casey peaked around the corner about to say something until he saw the water dripping off him looking Raph over spitting out a mouthful of beer as he started laughing choking as he fell to the floor unable to breath

“MIKEY!!!”

There was an audible ‘Oh Shiitake Mushrooms’ before Mikey dropped the plastic bowl running for his life as Raphael tried to grab him launching a foot out taking his little brothers feet out from under him knocking the shell out of him before heading back to the kitchen glaring at Donatello as he tried to stifle a small laugh snatching a beer from the fridge shooting both his brothers and his friend a look that clearly stated ‘Don’t say one fucken word’ but some people wanted to test him

“Feeling any better”

His eyes fell on his older brother who sat stone faced other than the small grin that was tugging at the side of his mouth, Raphael popped the lid off tossing it on the counter taking a quick chug of his beer enjoying the burn of the alcohol against his dry throat “Fuck off” the glare that floated between them was enough to ruin the cheery mood in the kitchen as he stormed out plopping down on the couch hearing Mikey groaning as he got off the floor mumbling that it had just been a joke.

He flipped through the channels steaming as his mood worsened knowing when Raven did get there he’d probably do something stupid to upset her, chugging the beer quickly growling when Donnie sat down at the table messing with one of his little experiments, feeling the burn of eyes on the back of his head he couldn’t sit still any longer hopping up fast going for another beer not making eye contact with anyone and ignoring Leo who gave a small glare when he walked past, he was heading out of the door when he heard a soft voice enter the lair

“I’m home guys” he looked up seeing the dark haired teenager walking through the door instantly feeling like the room had lit up as she entered their home bringing the sunshine into the darkness that was hanging over the lair as she danced around with her headphones in her ears listening to the music player Donnie had made he a while back.

A small grin pulled at his lips as he leaned against the door frame watching her dancing around freely singing along with a song.

He couldn’t help loving her beautiful voice and the care free spirit she had although he would never admit it; the smile dropped suddenly when he heard Leo mumbling behind him

“Someone’s going to be in a better mood now that you know who is home”

He glanced back at Mikey who was chuckling behind him freezing suddenly when Raphael threw a cautionary glare over his shoulder before he headed over to the couch not hearing when Raven said hi to him stopping her little dance party, not seeing when her face fell at his rejection to acknowledge her presence.

Raven had been living with them for practically her whole life and just by the sullenness that was hanging thickly in the air it was obvious they were all in the dumps.

She sighed looking over at Donnie forcing another smile slowly approaching him just in case he was going to snap on her but when he glanced up smiling in her direction she regained her confidence taking a seat next to him

“Did I do something to upset Raph again?”

He looked over as Raph flipped through the channels again for what must have been the fifth time in the last thirty minutes sighing before removing his glasses to clean them shaking his head at her “No he’s just in a grumpy mood. Just stay away from him until he calms down”

“I can hear ya back there four eyes”

Donatello’s eyes narrowed sending a small glare towards his bigger brother getting ready to say something back before Raven jumped up from her seat mumbling that she had an idea

“Can I plug my music up to the speakers?”

His brow raised slightly at the fact that she was whispering before giving her a small nod “Yeah I just finished reconfiguring the system so it should be working now” the smile that broke over her face made him smile again wondering how she could always make them lighten up even when they were on the verge of exploding

“Perfect! I know how to cheer him up”

He watched as she raced over to his computer monitors plugging her small mp-3 into the system scrolling through her music before clicking on a song turning it up before she raced into the kitchen coming back a second later pulling April and Casey into the den as the music started playing dancing around giggling when Casey grabbed her hand spinning her and April at the same time before his brothers came out of the kitchen watching with amusement

A slight movement caught his attention in his peripheral vision glancing over at the couch seeing Raphael had shifted and was watching the humans dancing around, surprised when a small smile broke the hard face following his gaze seeing he wasn’t just watching their human friends his eyes were locked on Raven.

Raphael’s eyes darted over seeing his genius brother watching him growling before he looked back seeing Mikey joining in grabbing April around the waist stealing her from Casey’s arm dancing with her as she laughed, he couldn’t help but see Fearless was leaning on the wall grinning as the others danced to the music laughing lightly when Casey dipped Raven kissing her cheek wiggling his eyebrows at her as she screamed

“EWWW! No Casey now I have your man cooties…” everyone howled with laughter as she acted like she didn’t want to be kissed by him he even managed a chuckle although for some reason he wanted to punch his friend for the affection not really sure why he cared

“Come on Raph dance with me” his eyes flew from his brother to meet a big grin and a pair of sparkling green eyes as Raven grabbed his hand trying to pull him with her.

His heart raced at the slightest touch of her fingers on his arm, his mind reeling when he saw her beautiful face beaming wondering why he was even affected by her at all.

She was always smiling; she smiled at everyone like that didn’t she?

He pulled his arm away frowning at her “Not in the mood kid.”

His words left his mouth before he had even realized he had said them immediately regretting it when her face fell into a small pout and the light in her eyes died tearing at his heart making him want nothing more than to make her smile again hating the feeling in his gut knowing he had hurt her feelings but suddenly that smile was back even brighter than the one before

“That’s okay Raphie... maybe later” her voice had lowered so the others didn’t hear the childhood nickname she still called him and it had a tone of disappointment hidden behind those words that had caught him off guard but she still smiled before letting go of him and instantly he missed the warmth of her tiny hand on his rough skin.

He watched as she ran over to Leo grabbing his hand grinning up at him but it wasn’t the same it wasn’t as bright as when she would smile at him, she pulled him telling him to dance with them he started to decline but when his icy blue eyes connected with Raphael’s golden ones he nodded wrapping an arm around her waist dancing with the teen, even grinning down at her knowing Raph was watching.

Jealousy burned in his gut seeing his older brother holding tight to the teenager spinning her while she sang along with the annoying song she had been obsessed with for the last month, but the lyrics were almost too perfect for that moment like they were teasing him.

But as he watched he noticed every so often her eyes would drift over to the couch checking for him, smiling brightly at him when he jumped over the couch lumbering over to the table leaning against it watching her carefully as she spun away from the group reaching over grabbing Donnie by the arm pulling him out of his chair with an unseen strength she kept hidden well.

“I don’t know how to dance...”

“I don’t either silly”

She could have fooled them. She was a natural

She swayed slightly with him showing him just to move from side to side until he spun her holding her against his plastron swaying slightly faster laughing with her as she giggled, they danced for a bit longer before he spun her passing her to Mikey, he stepped back sitting down in the chair he had been occupying a short time before, watching his two youngest siblings dancing together and laughing like when they had been younger and she was still little.

His gaze fell on Raphael who hadn’t stopped watching her since he had moved from the couch “Do you have any idea how lucky you are?”

Their eyes met for a fraction of a second before he looked back at the girl who seemed to have captured their fascination in what felt like a short amount of time even though it had been a full ten years since Raphael had brought her to the lair as a child; since she had become a part of their family ultimately changing their lives like April had.

“What the hell are you talking about Don?”

Donatello didn’t respond at first steadily watching as the girl ran over to his computer changing a depressing song she listened to way to often to a more upbeat and happy song twirling her hips slightly making Raphael’s eyes fly straight to her admiring the way her cloths complimented her curvy figure, the way her red top seemed to hug her form, once more seeing her eyes on him as she started to wave him over but stopped suddenly looking away fast

“Did you know she said hi to you and you walked past her like she wasn’t there? She thought she had upset you and that was why you were in a bad mood... She wanted to cheer you up because she can’t stand to see you upset”

He opened his mouth about to argue but quickly shut it when it dawned on him she was always trying to make him smile although he never gave her the chance, she was trying to make everyone join in so he wouldn’t be so singled out when she asked him to dance and she hadn’t pushed him to dance with her because she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable

“Whether you realize it or not Raph, that girl is in love with you. And for the life of me I can’t figure out why, you’re always so mean to her but she strives to gain your approval for everything. Your just too danm stubborn to see what she’s doing”

His eyes widened at Donnie’s words looking at the beautiful teenager seeing the others were getting tired but they didn’t want to be the ones to break up her fun

“You’re her hero Raph”

He looked over at the computer before pushing off the table throwing a small look at his genius brother hating to admit he was right about something else before grabbing his arm hauling him up from the chair roughly ignoring the looks from the others.

He scrolled through the list looking for the song she worked out to not knowing its name as Donnie asked what he was doing now watching as he stopped as soon as he saw the words he was looking for pointed to it catching Donatello’s attention

“As soon as this song ends play this one”

He saw the smile that was tugging at his brothers lips nodding when he finally understood what Raphael was doing sitting down in his chair as Raph walked back over to the couch leaning on the back watching as Casey spun Raven dipping her making her squeal in excitement clinging to the attractive human male as the fire in his gut exploded burning out of control in anger until Raven met his eyes when the song ended waving at him when the others weren’t looking.

She walked over taking a sip of her soda still beaming even after the others had said they couldn’t dance anymore; he saw the way she had nodded looking sad but didn’t say anything.

He glanced over at Donnie seeing he had already clicked on it and was giving him the thumbs up, waving him to go over to her.

The smile that took over Raven’s face when her favorite song came on was enough to give him a boost of confidents he needed to move “Ay brat c’mon” his words came out rough as those beautiful green orbs met his face, he pushed off the couch holding out his hand towards her seeing something deep in them before it fell mouthing it was okay, she didn’t want him to do anything that would make him uncomfortable but he took a few steps towards her pulling her with him toward the others

“I wasn’t asking kid. M’ not that good at it but m’ ready for that dance”

His heart thundered wildly behind his plastron so loudly that he was sure if the music wasn’t playing everyone would have been able to hear it; she smiled grabbing his hand when he offered it once more, it was like the sun had broken through the layers of concrete above their heads shining brightly into the lair.

She swayed slowly with him like she had done with Donnie grinning like he had just given her the best present in the world.

Something about the lyrics spoke to him as he became entranced in her eyes feeling like he was going to fall into them

~ ~ It's getting hard to sleep Getting hard to think 'bout much these days 'Cause everywhere I go Only thing I see is your glowing face And the way you light up every room you walk into Just makes me want to scream

Yeah and my head keeps spinnin' You got me trippin' There's something about the way you move Yeah, every little single thing you do is like One part angel and one part danger But, oh, the kind of crazy I like You got me losing my mind I'm losing my mind! ~ ~

He noticed she never looked away from him as he brushed a strand of hair out of her face placing it behind her ear finding he didn’t want to look away from her, feeling like he was dreaming and at any moment he would wake up, alone.

He had barely realized she was singing along with the song catching the sentence that floated up to him

“Can't understand why you got me so far gone. You're gonna have to lock me up before too long. You've got me losing my mind”

She suddenly shut her mouth looking away when she realized she had said those lines her cheeks becoming red.

It made him want to be bolder and do something that he had never wanted to before, he wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her up off the ground firmly pressing her chest against his spinning with her in his arms fast, his breath left his body feeling how she was pressed against his body, loving the way she screeched in excitement, the way her grip tightened on his arms holding onto to him with everything she had that he didn’t want to stop, not yet at least.

The smile that he was trying to hold back broke over his face as she leaned her head against his shoulder still giggling sounding sweeter then the music that was playing now.

He stopped swaying with her again with a little more pep hearing the others laughing as her arms came around his neck to keep her body against him “Do it again Raph!”

He wanted to make her laugh again, wanted to hear it so bad it physically hurt, he grabbed her hand spinning her quickly before pulling her back to him seeing the light blush that developed over her cheeks as he chuckled again smiling down at her as she bit her bottom lip shivering as his hand slid into the small of her back, suddenly the song ended and it was like the time had flown by.

She started to pull away but he held tighter

“Ya tired already kid”

“No but...”

He shrugged holding tight to her hand seeing the slight pulse that thrummed under the soft skin on her neck when her heart beat increased

“I think I could do one more dance... if ya want”

She was suddenly giddier then ever nodding fast as her lips broke into a huge grin instantly making his world feel right again, she tried to go pick a song but Donnie had already started the song over, he slowly danced with her wanting this to last longer seeing the look that entered her eyes pulling at his heart until he realized he couldn’t stop smiling the song fit that moment so well; he was losing his mind, and it was thanks to her.

He didn’t understand it but it somehow made sense to him.

“Thanks Raphie. You didn’t have to dance with me”

Those words made him flush before she leaned closer laying her head on his chest closing her glittering eyes smiling to herself as he held her tighter. He faintly became aware of the scent of her strawberry shampoo that was mixing perfectly with the naturally sweet smell of her skin that sort of reminded him of snickerdoodles

“I didn’ do anything kid”

Her eyes met his for just a second but didn’t move pressing closer sending small waves of happiness through his chest as her fingers brushed his side, it hit him like a runaway truck; he couldn’t deny the truth anymore as she stood closer to him. He loved her too.

“You did more than you think Superman”

His thunderous laugh shook the room mumbling the word ‘Superman’ remembering Donnie’s words that still echoed through his mind ‘You’re her hero’ he spun her slowly looking down at her as she seemed to melt back against him before he placed a kiss on her forehead seeing the small glow that came over her face when his lips pressed against her skin. “No problem baby girl” She glanced up clinging to him even as the song was ending grinning up at him as he rolled his eyes giving her hair a quick tussle before turning to seeing Master Splinter standing next to Leonardo both smiling at him although Leo’s seemed less smug than usual.

He rolled his eyes stealing one more glance at the young woman in his arms before pulling away walking off with a small grin knowing he would be treasuring the scent that clung to him until the next time she was near him silently hoping just maybe they could do the dancing thing once more soon.

#tmnt 2016 #tmnt raphael #teenage female oc #light #adoration #bad day #tmnt leonardo #tmnt donatello #tmnt michelangelo #dance #smut

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dothewrite · 7 years

Note

(cont) isn't. and it kinda just frustrates me to see the media portray it in that way because i would hate to know someone or even BE someone with that disorder and see such a portrayal of who i am as a person. SO due to this frustration i was wondering if you could od a scenario with tsukishima and bokuto where their fem s/o has DID and just how the boys would help them or something (you can let your mind wander) or maybe their s/o sees the trailer and gets really upset about it

Hey there! I’m sorry it’s been such a long time, but I’m really thankful for your patience. Here’s your request, and I hope you like it. For all those who didn’t see the first part of the ask, this request is about DID, and the movie trailer for ‘Split’ with James McAvoy.

Just as a quick disclaimer- I have no experience with DID. I have never had it, never interacted with someone with it, so I do not claim to represent this illness accurately. However, this was my major (and hopefully my future career), and I have dug up old notes and several textbooks to get my facts as straight as possible. Because this is fic, there will be several things that I do not explain directly. If there are any questions or concerns about DID (in this scenario or otherwise), I will do my best to answer questions through asks.

“You know,” Tsukishima hears you snarl before the mug smashes against the wallin fifteen different pieces, “I wish I could twist my body like some fuckingwendigo when Hana takes over. Be the monster they think we really are.”

He pads out of the kitchen,turning off the stove before he does, and hands you an oven mitten. You slip iton, reluctantly, and make your way towards the mess that you’ve left next tothe hanging bookshelf. When you glance up angrily at your supposed boyfriend’sface, there isn’t much emotion except for focus. It’s one thing you’ve alwayshated about him, and if you cared less than you did about your host, you don’tthink you’d have given him the time of day.

“Be careful,” he tells yousternly, “I don’t want you to cut yourself.”

You stick your middle finger upat him from underneath the glove. A small smile starts to crack his thinlypressed lips. “If you’re so worried, why don’t you pick it up then? Is it funwatching me on my knees, you sick fuck?”

As if on cue, he pulls out hisalready gloved hand from behind his back and waves it at you, deadpan. “I’m notinto sharp object play.” Very slowly, he gets to his knees beside you andbegins to pick out the smaller shards from the plush carpeting. “But,” he adds,“you know Kaede won’t like it when she finds out that you’ve broken somethingagainst the wall. That was her favourite mug.”

“Yeah? She’ll only know if yourat me out to her,” you spit. But your hand is already moving, reluctantly,untangling large shards of porcelain from dark green fibres.

Tsukishima’s expression hasn’tchanged in the slightest. Sometimes you really, really hate how nothing evergets to him like you want it to. Like he’d expected all of this to begin with,and plotted a course of potential comebacks to put you in your place.

It’s never very fun anymore whenit’s your turn.

“Tell me at least you agree withme, Tsukishima.” He hums to let you know he’s listening. “I’m angry for a goodreason, dammit.”

“It’s a good reason,” he agrees.He holds out the plastic bag for you to drop the last big piece in. “It makesfor a good movie, but it’s not good for representation.”

“I’m not a fucking murderouspsychopath.”

“You’re not,” he agrees again.“You’re a bit murderous, but not a psychopath.”

“I’m only murderous when peoplepiss me off. If they want me to be a nicer person, then they should stoppissing me off. Sound logic.”

To this, he doesn’t reply. Heonly laughs, a bit brightly with his twisted sense of humour, and motions foryou to get up with him. “Grab the vacuum, will you?”

You do. You don’t mind vacuumingso much; it makes such a wonderfully raucous noise that you can easily imagineit’s the sound of a building crashing down a block over. Tsukishima gives you alook as you plug it into the socket, and claps on his pair of noise cancellingheadphones. You switch the machine on with pleasure.

It’s a good catharsis, as analternative to breaking more things. You’d shattered the television once out ofrage, and the pleasure that had coursed through you had been unreal- so muchthat it had become an addiction, a contagion that kept you up for longer andlonger as the fury liquidized anything else inside you and pooled into a wellof happy anger. Kaede, your host, had given Tsukishima a stern talking to afterthat, and you’d been under wraps ever since. No more breaking household itemswithout cleaning it up. Needless to say, you stopped breaking so many things.

With a click, quiet swam backinto the lilac living room, and you drag the vacuum behind you back to thestorage cupboard.

Tsukishima is there waiting foryou. He holds out a mug, identical to the one that you had broken, and at yoursurprised gape, a gentler crease to his eyes begins to crinkle and he takes astep forwards, pressing the cup into your open hand.

You wrap your fingers around it,feeling the same grooves again.

“You’re not going to rat me out.”

“Nope.”

“How many spares do you have inthere?” You demand accusingly, but Tsukishima’s smile doesn’t falter.

“Enough,” he answers. Slowly, andobviously, his palms curls around the small of your back and tugs you closer,keeping you at a distance comfortable still. You weren’t as close to him asyour other alters were, and he knew your boundaries.

“You have the most beautifulanger out of them all, did you know that?”

“I-” your tongue sticks to thesides of your mouth, and words become hard to find. “You mean that?”

“Yeah,” he breathes lowly, andsomething behind his eyes melt and swirl in messages that you’re not used toreading. It’s the first time those messages are addressed to you. “But don’ttell the others.” He smirks at you slyly. “Don’t rat me out.”

“I won’t,” you promise. And then,“who the hell do you take me for, anyway? Some fucking tattle tale?”

Laughing, Tsukishima motions foryou to get on with the storage closet, popping back into the living room to putthe mug where it had originally been.

An alien warmth flushes throughyou; your cheeks, your fingers, your toes, and your chest feels irritatinglytight against your ribs. You take several deep breaths, lean the vacuumcarefully against the side of the closet, and shut it behind you. You stand alittle straighter, edges of your lips a little softer, and the room seems atleast four times brighter than it had been before.

“Kei?” You call. He’s rarelyanywhere out of sight, unless it’s just been Iishi, who needs his space to beangry. “Are you here?”

Tsukishima strolls back intoview, hanging out of the doorway into the kitchen. He’s looking softer thanusual, and somehow your cheeks mirror his mood, and you walk up to him with awarm gaze.

“I’m here, Kaede,” he murmurs.“I’ve bought groceries. Want to start dinner?”

On the small stretch of wall thatmarks the distance between the bedrooms and the living room, four calendarscover it. One is larger than the rest, with lots of spare space and small multicolouredscribbles in each square. Thursday has marked two movies and one shoppingexcursion and on Friday, a double anniversary date with Kuroo and his fiancée.

Two smaller calendars frame thelargest one in the centre. One the left, Bokutohas his two and a half practices jotted down for Monday, and to the right, youhave one hair appointment and one doggy day care pickup for Tuesday. They’reboth in different colours, and different handwriting scrawled all over them.

The smallest and last one sitsfurthest down the corridor. It’s hung neatly right beside the master bedroom’sdoorframe, and each month, the pages are filled in assorted colours. Therearen’t many jottings on it, only small multicoloured circles in a countdown.Circles mark special days, and straight crosses count the days passed. Bothtypes of writing are dotted along the frames. There’s a small smiley face and acat face that decorates the header of this month. It’s October, going ontoNovember. The days are getting shorter, and the air is getting chillier.

There’s a big circle aroundtoday’s date. It’s in lime green, autumn’s favourite colour.

“Hey.” You feel Bokuto’s firmarms wrap themselves like garden vines around your hunched shoulders. “You’rethinking that again, aren’t you?”

“When don’t I?” You joke weakly,but it’s true. He’s right. You twist your head around, and straighten your backthe way you know he prefers you to sit. It makes you look prouder, happier, andBokuto’s favourite time of day is when you’re both.

“I got this, you know? I’m goodat taking care of people!” Without his hands at his disposal, he thumps hischest against your back to make the manly ‘umph’ sound. It makes you smile. Fornow, everything still makes you smile quite easily. “I know,” you reassure him.“I’m just anxious, like always.”

“It’s been four years,” Bokutomumbles into the crook of your neck. You lean backwards into his firm body andlet yourself reassemble in his shape. “I’ve got the hang of this. You don’thave to feel bad anymore.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever stopfeeling bad,” you shrug, and he shifts along with the motion. “But it’s a lotmore comforting now that we’ve planned well for it.”

“Mhmm.” The vibrations sendshivers up your spine. Bokuto runs wiry fingers over your gooseflesh. “I’m goodat keeping you cheerful.”

He’s good at keeping everyonecheerful, always. Even when he’s down, Bokuto never misses the chance to pickhimself up just in time to bring someone back up to spirits, and his sadhooting is one of the most heartbreakingly adorable sounds you’ve ever heard.You’ve got it recorded on your phone.

“Let’s run over the game planagain,” you suggest with a small smile. “It’ll make me less nervous.”

“Okay.” He plops down next to youwith his legs crossed. “So, lots of blankets. Lots of hot drinks. Don’t wakeyou up too early, and don’t get mad when you’re crying about dumb things.” Hefrowns at that point. “I think it’s horrible that anyone could get mad at youcrying. And nothing you cry about is ever dumb.”

“Last year I sobbed for two daysstraight because I lost a penguin keychain.”

“Imagine what the penguinkeychain must feel!” Bokuto looks scandalized. “That’s not dumb!”

You love him so. It’s at the tip of your tongue, pushing at your lips to escape in ahushed whisper, but it’s not something Aki would say. Haru and Natsu, mostdefinitely. Aki- autumn- you- settle for pressing against him with your side.“I hope we find the penguin again someday,” you muse. “What an adventure.”

Bokuto looks thrilled at theprospect of sharing adventures with a small plastic charm, but he clears histhroat and keeps his fingers held out. “Let Kuroo and Akaashi know beforehand.I’ll keep noises to a minimum, and let our landlord know that quiet hours areearly for the first month. Your workplace should’ve got the memo pretty earlyon. They’re nice.”

“They are,” you nod dazedly. It’sa cocoon of warmth around Bokuto at all times, and with the small snuggiepooled at your feet, it’s the right gradient of temperature that lulls you tointo a dream. “If worst comes to worst, my therapist has open hours through theday for any emergencies.”

“Gotcha. I hope there aren’t anyemergencies.”

“They’re hard on you, I’m sorry,Kou.”

“Don’t mind me! I was mostlyworried for you-” as if proving his point, he runs his fingers along the trailof your scalp, back and forth. “I didn’t know that our neighbours wouldcelebrate a birthday with fireworks.”

He pauses then, and leans down tohover closely by your face. You can feel the warmth radiating of his sun-kissedbronze. “I think you’ve already come so far. You used to hate having men aroundyou. That broke my heart.”

You’re not sure if you’ll everstop feeling guilty about that, and Bokuto’s face still shows old hurt that hasscarred his heart and left him stronger. You know the guilt will amplify soon.Soon, you will fear Bokuto, yet love him intensely, hate yourself and want tocarve out a small cave to live by your lonesome.

You will hate the days, miss thenights, love your father, and despise the sound of deep laughter.

It’s four thirty in theafternoon, and the sky is white from snow. The whirring of relentless windsoutside and the memory of deep, angry grunting stirs sleeping fears from insideyou.

Bokuto waits, silently, and holdsyou close to him.

He listens as your breathingspeeds up, coming in short bursts, and your grip on your own legs tense. Theshoulder you have resting against him crushes against him in a desperate bidfor his pain, and his comfort combined. He waits for you to settle down, andget your bearings.

“Here,” he shuffles further awayand swirls a massive blanket around your frame before you can make a sound. Thefear in your eyes subside in small bursts, and holding back his urge to touchyour cheek, Bokuto lifts up a mug of hot cocoa in front of your face. You takeit in both hands, without saying a word, and sip at it.

“Fuyu.” Your eyes flicker up atthe sound of your name. Bokuto is smiling at you with aching affection, and asmall heat rises to your cheeks. You don’t mind so much when it’s his lips yournames are falling from. “Hello, again.”

#bokuto koutarou #tsukishima kei #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #sfw #dissociative identity disorder #female original character #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #i writes the haikyuu

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cemetery--gates · 7 years

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Always post these rules!  1. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you. 2. Write 11 questions of your own.  3. Tag 11 people. Questions from @sweet-summer-rain (thank you 💙) 1. What is your favorite item of clothing that you own and why? Probably my Black Sabbath t-shirt because I got it when I saw them and that's a pretty great memory. 2. Who is your favorite female musician? I have like a million favorites, but currently I'm sort of in love with Brody Dalle. 3. What’s your favorite word? Phalanges. Has been since I was a little kid.  4. If you could go backstage at any concert, which would you go backstage at? (alive or dead) Metallica, no doubt. 5. Where do you think the prettiest place in the world is? Personally, I think New Zealand has some very pretty areas. Although there are a lot of pretty places. 6. When you put on your pants, which leg goes first?When you use liquid soap which hand catches the soap?If you keep hair ties on your wrist, which wrist is it usually on? Always the right.  7. Do you keep your room tidy or is it a mess?  I'm a neat freak. It's always clean. 8. When you listen to music for the first time, do you tend to focus on the songs as a whole or do you listen to specific parts? (i.e. guitar, lyrics…)  It depends on how well I know the song. But I usually focus on drums. 9. Do you believe in ghosts? Why or why not.  Not ghosts in the traditional sense, like dead people. But like, spirits and stuff, yeah. 10. If you had the ability to form a band with your friends, or whoever, what do you think it would sound like? (if ur already in a band, or were??? Describe your sound)  Probably sort of punk-ish. We'd be w badass girl band if I had my choice. 11. ASIDE FROM A BAND! Share with us your current unhealthy obsession. Figure skating. I am in love with figure skating. Worlds starts tomorrow and I'm pretty much dying. Questions from @yellowledbetterman (thank you ☺️) 1. How do you like your toast? (be specific please) Lightly toasted with Nutella. 2. Opinion on flat soda? Gross. If I'm drinking it I want it to be fizzy.  3. Would you rather be hot or cold and why? Cold, because I really really hate being too hot. 4. If you like superheroes, who’s your favorite?  Always sort of been a Spider-Man person. 5. Do you own anything that you would never ever EVER get rid of? This stuffed animal pig I got when I was little. I could never part with it, no matter how old I get. 6. Favorite book/movie pair? Hmm. I'm usually never a fan of the movie after I've read the book. But I suppose I liked The Outsiders as a book and a movie. 7. How do you prefer to listen to music? (earbuds, headphones, speakers, car stereo, etc) Headphones. I have a really nice pair and they're great. But listening to music really loud with speakers is also very fun. 8. Do you like hearing a particular accent or language? I knew someone who was German and I thought her accent was pretty cool, so that, I suppose. 9. If you could hug one famous person, who would it be and why? Kirk Hammett, because I just love him first, and he also looks very huggable. 10. Do you want stay young for as long as possible or do you want to grow up? Stay young. Growing up means more responsibilities and I already have a hard time with those. 11. Favorite candle scent? I like the fresh stuff, like clean laundry. Questions from @discogrohl (thank you kiddo!!💕) 1: Do you play any instruments? I've played trumpet for almost five years.  2: Do you like music loud or quiet? Very loud.  3: A famous person you used to not like and now you do. Courtney Love. I used to hate her, but now she's one of my favorites, and also the frontwoman for one of my favorite bands. 4: Favorite breakfast food? Waffles, no doubt. 5: Can you whistle? Not at all. 6: Country you’d like to visit. Denmark, because I have family from there and I just think it would be a cool place to go. 7: Finish this sentence with the first thing you think of: “Hello,…” My mind goes directly to "is it me you're looking for?" 8: Believe in aliens? Not the "take me to your leader" Martian kind, but sure, I believe in life other than us. 9: Do aliens believe in us? I don't even believe in us.  10: Favorite soda. Mountain Dew. And no, I am not a 13 year old boy who cusses people out over Xbox Live. 11: Favorite song by your favorite band. That list would take hours. But one of my favorites songs by one of my favorite bands is Jennifer's Body by Hole. And now, my questions: 1. Do you double knot your shoes? 2. Do you believe in astrology? 3. What is the best animated movie? 4. Do you prefer vinyl, CDs, or digital? 5. If you could play one instrument that you don't play already, what would it be? 6. Do you like black and white movies? 7. If you could meet one member of your favorite band, who would it be? 8. What is your strangest skill? 9. Do you have neat or sloppy handwriting? 10. What is the best gift you've ever received? 11. Do you have any previous obsessions that are now embarrassing? And finally, I tag: @scumblequeen @ispeaktohearmyvoice @too-young-for-my-own-good @eveycarnahan @flyinghetfield @hardwired-to-self-destruct @ride-the-storm @hetfeels @seven-stories-underground @jeordie-thatgaymetalhead @saulhugson , and of course, only if you guys want to!! 💕💕 (also, I apologize for the extremely long post!)

#this is so fucking long #I am sorry #but I did the tag though!!#tags

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exurbiaa · 8 years

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momentary absences

Yuuri woke up one morning to the lack of a warm body beside him and the absence of the ring on his right hand.

One fear in two souls of three words.

Read on AO3

Viktor hugged Yuuri after his performance, laughing and murmuring, "I can't believe it, oh God, that was amazing." Yuuri grinned into Viktor's embrace, content and warm. He felt Viktor let up on the pressure that he was holding him with and slowly whisper, "Ah, I love you" as he lay his head on Yuuri's shoulder.

Yuuri froze.

He knew Viktor loved him, he was confident about it, but sometimes he succumbed to his insecurities, wondering why Viktor loved him and when Viktor would fall out of love with him. Their "romance" was too whirlwind and it progressed so fast that he was always afraid it would also crumble just as fast.

Viktor noticed Yuuri's stiff stance and pulled back, giving him a slightly confused look, and that was when he saw Yuuri's expression. The "deer-caught-in-headlights" expression. The one he wore when he's scared he would mess up his performance in some way. The one he wore when he's scared of what would happen in his program. The one he wore when he's scared that Viktor might leave his side.

Viktor gently held Yuuri's face, and slowly told him, "I do love you, I really do. You know that, right?" Yuuri went to say it back, but that was when his throat stopped working. It was like a wad of gum had been shoved down his throat and was choking his words back. He'd loved Viktor for so long, it was sewn into every muscle in his body; it had been ingrained into his very being. "I--" He couldn't bring himself to say it, and his vision blurred as his eyes fill up. He let Viktor hold him close as he wrapped his arms tighter around him, whispering, "You don't have to say it back. It's okay."

Yuuri knew how Viktor was. He'd watched him long enough. Watched how he moved as smoothly among his fans as he did on the ice. Watched as he landed deals as skilfully as he landed his jumps. Watched as he handled the media as expertly as he handled his body.

Yuuri knew how Viktor was. He'd known him long enough. Affectionate, forward, bold.

None of which Yuuri was. Sheltered, shy, timid. That was what made him wonder why Viktor fell in love with him, and when he would fall out of love with him. Because Viktor seemed to catch everything shiny that came his way, be it a gold medal or a golden opportunity, and let it drop upon seeing the next glint of promise.

He wondered when he would be dropped that way; when his gold-foil heart would be cast aside like that.

Yuuri woke up one morning to the lack of a warm body beside him. He didn't think much of it, stretching his arms and bringing them down to pat the bed beside him. He noticed two things at the same time; the lonely chill of the expanse of the bed, and the absence of the ring on his right hand. Yuuri immediately began to panic.

Maybe Viktor woke up early? No, Yuuri never felt the warmth of Viktor's arms around him last night, never felt that hard chest against his back as Viktor's breath puffed softly against his neck.

Maybe he left his ring in the bathroom? No, Yuuri never took his ring off. He could call it a good-luck charm all he wanted. But to him, it was the only tie of his gold-foil heart to Viktor's love.

He spent three hours looking for it, combing every nook and cranny in the house to find that bright band of gold. He never found it.

The sun set and Yuuri took his headphones off to listen for any sign that Viktor had probably returned home. It was the first day in a long time he'd felt this lonely.

It had been two days and all Yuuri knew was that Viktor was at his parents' house. Not because Viktor picked up his calls or messaged him to tell him so. Just because Yuuri happened to check his Instagram and saw a picture of Viktor with his parents. Well, I'm glad he's enjoying, smiled Yuuri sadly, as he kept his phone aside, tucking his knees in under his chin.

The only things that would ever comfort him in times like that were a piping hot bowl of katsudon or a good run. He got off the couch and walked to their (no, now it's only his) his room, flinging a pair of tracks and a jacket out of his cupboard to change into for a run.

Viktor would never let me eat that katsudon, laughed Yuuri weakly to himself, trying not to let his tears get into Makkachin's fur as he put a leash around her neck and bent down to tie his own shoes. "Well, at least you're here. If not anyone, you do love me, right Makkachin?" She barked at him, licking his face and trying to push him down to the floor. Yuuri halfheartedly chuckled, "Easy, girl," and wiped his face with a tissue, Makkachin's drool and his tears mingling as he cleaned them off and opened the door of their (no, now it's only his) room and left.

As he jogged down the familiar path to the park, he let the music direct his thoughts, letting them flit to those times that they realised they were steadily falling for each other, but not slowly. It was all too easy, too perfect. Viktor was too wonderful, too forward, too in-love right off the bat. It didn't quite fit.

But he took it, he took it all like a man starved of love, when he never had been starved of love.

Maybe he needed this.

He stopped running for a bit, holding his knees, slightly sick in his mouth as he panted, head swimming. He realised he'd stopped at the same bridge he was running over to Viktor and Yurio for his first time sightseeing just a few months back. He did like Russia. It was a nice place.

But everything was touched by Viktor.

Maybe he needed to be left like this, in shambles, to be picked up by yet another person who loved him the way Viktor had.

And left him.

Maybe he needed someone to pick his broken spirit up like Viktor had.

And break it again subtely.

Maybe he needed to see that he was never starved of love but fed so much of it by everyone around him that when a new flavour came around, it was all he craved.

He had his family, he had Minako-sensei, he had Yuuko and Takeshi, he had Phichit. Maybe he needed to face this bitter-sweet truth. He'd live with it. It would be okay. He continued jogging, trying to contain the bile within him.

He sat down on the bench under the large oak tree Viktor liked to sit under. It was a lovely, aged tree and Yuuri couldn't help the pained smile that adorned his face as he looked up at it, remembering the times Viktor had playfully pushed him against the tree and kissed him repeatedly just to...

"... to make me sick, yeah, I know you're both disgusting, you don't need to keep thinking about it, piggy," came a disgruntled voice to his left. Yurio seated himself next to him and was looking up at the darkening sky, lost in his own thoughts, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets.

"I didn't see you here! It's been so long, Yurio," cried Yuuri, a little surprised. Even looking at the boy, he couldn't help the pain throbbing through him, at the thought of how much he was touched by Viktor while maintaining his own stand. Rebellious, beautiful, angelic, talented, graceful. They both were everything Yuuri would never be.

So why me, Viktor?

"You look like you're about to cry again, what happened?" asked Yurio as he turned to him. Yuuri couldn't help his slight wince at Yurio's tone, despite knowing that the boy was genuinely concerned, his face softening involuntarily to show as much.

"Have you seen Viktor?" Yuuri asked, trying to sound casual. "No," replied Yurio, a bit too quickly, but it slipped Yuuri's attention. Yuuri cursed, and Yurio's eyebrows drew up towards his hair. "Well, that's a surprise, don't taint that sugar-sweet mouth now," chuckled Yurio, voice laced with concern.

"He left me Yurio," whispered Yuuri, hands clenching on his knees.

"Excuse me?" laughed Yurio. Yuuri couldn't help himself as tears slowly dripped down his face. He tried to stop them. He really did.

"I woke up this morning, no Viktor, no ring, bed cold, no messages. What did I do wrong, Yura? Is it me? Am I that boring?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" choked Yurio, sounding half-surprised at the nickname and half-surprised at Viktor's behaviour.

"I mean, I knew it was probably about time he fell out of love with me, but Yura, I want him back," Yuuri whispered, almost to himself.

"Fell out of love, Jesus, is that even a thing?" mumbled Yurio. "Yuuri. Calm down. He probably just left the house for a while," said Yurio aloud, placing his hand on Yuuri's shoulder awkwardly, clearly not knowing how to physically comfort the man.

How pathetic was he, that he needed comfort from a 16 year old. That he needed a 16 year old to tell him he was overreacting.

I'm worse than I thought. No wonder he left me.

"And took my ring?" asked Yuuri.

"Erm, maybe to polish it?" supplied Yurio unhelpfully.

"That ring was just over five to six months old," cried Yuuri.

"Erm..." Yurio seemed to look around him, trying to find an answer, unable to find one. He glanced down at his watch.

Am I really boring him that much? Oh God, thought Yuuri and got up to leave. "Sorry for bothering you, Yura," he smiled.

"You know what?" Come for a walk with me," offered Yurio.

"I'm sorry, what?" asked Yuuri. Yurio never asked him on "casual walks", so he was sure he'd misheard him.

"Walk with me. I'll walk Makkachin. You need to get shit off your mind," said Yurio as he pried the leash from Yuuri's tightly clenched fists. Yuuri smiled a little, relaxing and wiping away the drying tear tracks that had flown down to his chin.

"Alright."

Maybe he needed this. Maybe he needed some tough love from Yurio, have someone put him back together and seal them with some familial glue, and not romantic tape (what sort of metaphor was that, he thought, mentally slapping himself)

"You're a fucking idiot, you know that right?" said Yurio right away as they walked down the cobbled stones around the periphery.

"I know," said Yuuri, acknowledging his idiocy.

"No, I mean, you know Viktor loves you right?" questioned Yurio, looking skeptical.

"I knew it. But I don't anymore," sighed Yuuri.

"Jesus, is this what being apart for a few days does to lovers? Sign me the fuck up, said no one ever," grumbled Yurio.

"Sure, that's why you're always cranky without Otabek around and our lovely boy when he is," teased Yuuri, his heart physically hurting as he said "our".

"That has nothing to do with this," growled Yurio, despite the slight flush to his ears and cheeks.

Yuuri giggled, thinking back to when he kept denying it too.

"He took my ring too, though, Yurio," continued Yuuri. "It's like he didn't even want to leave evidence of what we were behind."

"Do you, though?" asked Yurio, glancing at him.

"Do I what?" asked Yuuri, tilting his head in confusion.

"I don't know. Love him, or whatever," replied Yurio, dismissively shaking his hand in the air like he didn't believe in the concept.

"Immensely," came back Yuuri immediately.

"Then?" Yurio asked as they turned a bend towards the park's amphitheater.

"I wish I'd told him that," murmured Yuuri.

"Wait, what?" Yuuri stopped to look at Yurio, and saw him standing a couple of steps away, eyes widened in disbelief.

"Biggest regret. For all the times, he's said it, I've never been able to say it," shrugged Yuuri, coming clean.

"Is this a fucking joke, Katsuki?" asked Yurio, his eyes narrowing. Yuuri shook his head. He thought back to the hundreds of times Viktor has said it.

The times they shared silent little close-lipped kisses in the early morning, Viktor whispering it into his hair. The times when Yuuri did something and Viktor would laugh and say "God, I love you so much." The times when Yuuri's insecurities would catch up to him and Viktor would hold him tight and whisper, "I don't care, please, I love you." The times when Viktor would whisper it in between slow rolls of his hips, voice cracking between erratic thrusts. The times when Yuuri would comfort Viktor as he cried into his neck, whispering muffled "I'm so lucky to have you, do you know how much I love you"s into his hair.

For all these times, Yuuri never said it back once, either replying with "Me too" or "Yeah". He couldn't explain the block he felt when he tried to say it.

He snapped back to reality as Yuuri clapped in his face, disbelief still written all over his face. He didn't know when they had walked on, but they were in the amphitheater, seated on the steps. He pulled Yurio close to him, and cried into his hair, ignoring how unreceptive Yurio was.

"I'm scared of losing him if I say it," he stated, surprised at himself for figuring it out. Yurio rubbed his back awkwardly and detached him, turning him to the arena and simply saying, "Why don't you say it to the man himself?"

Yuuri turned to the arena, confused, his face falling and spirits lifting when he saw the immaculate, beautiful man in the middle of the arena.

His grey hair slowly caressing his face in the wind, his trenchcoat perfect over his suit and polished boots. He was an angel. A stark contrast to Yuuri's red cheeks, swollen eyes, and muddled up tracks jacket. Yuuri didn't deserve this beautiful man. He fully deserved having that ring taken away.

He walked down the steps, tears still streaming down his face slowly. He carefully stepped up to him and choked out, "I'm sorry." He didn't know what he was apologising for.

Everything. From how he grew chubbier when he he stress-ate, to how he cried so easily. From how plain he looked, to how shy he was. Everything was wrong here. Maybe he did need to let go. He never did deserve such a perfect human being.

"For what, dorogoy?"

"For being... me."

"You're perfect."

Viktor's hand caressed Yuuri's face softly, trying to brush the tears away.

"I'm not."

"Why do you think so?"

"Why would you leave me then?"

"I didn-"

"Vitya, it's okay. You're bored of me. I get it. It's okay."

"How could I ever be bored of you, love?"

The nickname pierced through Yuuri's heart, leaving a sharp sting in its wake.

"Why would you leave me? Why werent you home? Why did you take my ring?"

"Lov-"

"Viktor, I know how easy it is for you to say that, but maybe one last time, before I regret it, I maybe just want to tell you something."

"What is it, love?"

His heart soared even as it shattered at Viktor's casual use of the word for him. He took a deep breath.

"I love you Viktor. I do. So much. I always have, and you know I always will. And I don't regret it. I regret boring you and making you waste your time with me, sure. But I don't regret loving you. This all sounds so clichéd and stupid but I'm sorry I can't stop. Maybe it'll take a while, but it's okay beca-"

Yuuri was stopped short by strong arms encircling his shoulders, squeezing him tight and almost choking the air out of him. "Thank you," he heard whispered against his shoulder, muffled as Viktor pressed his face in, as he felt damp seeping through it.

Viktor pulled back, still holding Yuuri by the shoulders. "Please never think I'm leaving you again. Please. I'm sorry I worried you, love. But," Viktor stepped away from Yuuri, shaking his sleeve down.

"Vitya? Do you ne-" said Yuuri, reaching out before Viktor dropped on a knee and, with obviously practised ease, flipped open a small box, revealing a gold band with a small dent on the side that Yuuri recognised, oddly similar to the one he made on his own when he accidentally knocked it against his skate's toe pick. It couldn't be his, not with the inlaid blue topaz he knew he couldn't afford when they went to St. Petersburg.

"I'm sorry I scared you like that, but I just wanted to make it urgent and as a surprise and I didn't know how and God, I had to bargain with the guy all night to cut the order down to a few days and--"

"VIKTOR!" Yuuri distantly heard Yurio yell, his mind still spinning and taking in the sight before him.

"Right, um, Yuuri I've always loved you. I have. I've meant every single one I've told you. I've meant the ones that I haven't even said out loud, the ones I thought all the time we trained in Hasetsu, the one I couldn't scream in front of the cameras when we kissed, the ones I couldn't whisper in front of the other coaches when the media were around."

The ringing in Yuuri's head wouldn't stop.

"The ones when I walked in on you making syrniki for breakfast. Every single one. And I want to be the only one to ever tell you "I love you" the way I mean it. Would you let me be that one, my love?"

Yuuri almost sank to the ground as Viktor's fingers held the ring tentatively back against his finger, waiting. A tear drop fell onto the topaz, making its surface glint the brightest of blues in the rays of the setting sun as he barely whispered, "Yes," feeling the weight of the stone slide against his finger as Viktor slid it on, falling to his knees, ignoring the dull pain as his bones hit the concrete, wrapping his hands around Viktor's neck as he cried.

"Please tell me you got one for yourself too."

"Of course, love."

Yuuri didn't feel that all-too familiar dull twang of pain at the word, instead feeling a warm rush to his heart. He took the gold ring from Viktor, admiring the smoky quartz resting atop its surface, and carefully slid it on to a slender finger. It set such a beautiful contrast against Viktor's marble-like skin. It was perfect.

"Yuuri," whispered Viktor, tilting his head up with his fingers against his chin. He reached up and met Viktor, their lips melding softly into a kiss, sighing as they pulled back, and reaching for more. He loved this man, and for some reason, this man loved him back. He smiled as he continued pressing his lips against Viktor's, only pulling away when they finally started paying attention to the retching sounds Yurio was making, the boy altogether forgotten in the moment.

"Congratulations, you sickos," grumbled Yurio as he walked towards them, tucking his phone back into his pocket and handing Viktor's back to him. He looked over at the rings, looking between them, at Yuuri and Viktor, back at the rings and groaned, "You cheesy fuckers, I swear to god," shaking his head. Yuuri didn't understand and apparently, neither did Viktor.

Yurio seemed to sense their confusion and looked at them, bemused, and said, "You literally got rings the colours of each other's eyes, what the fuck."

Viktor stared down at his ring for a moment and laughed, "I didn't realize that. I just took the one that I thought would look most beautiful on Yuuri and the stone that looked the next prettiest for myself."

"You've got to be kidding me oh my god. And why'd you even take these old ass rings to make bloody engagament rings anyway?" Yurio cried. It was something that perplexed Yuuri too.

"I told everyone they were our engagement rings, but Yuuri meant it as a good luck charm. So I thought I'd change what the ring meant to Yuuri if I kept it the same and yet made it different," piped Viktor. Yuuri couldn't help bursting into laughter at that. Of course, Viktor would do something like this.

"God, I love you so much," he snickered as he watched Yurio trudge away mumbling to himself, and looked over to see Viktor freeze and turn slowly towards him.

"Say it again. Please?" asked Viktor.

"I love you," said Yuuri, more confident, and found himself engulfed in yet another hug and pulled away after a few moments, hands still around Viktor's middle, to see red eyes and tears of happiness flowing down Viktor's face.

"I thought you didn't love me for so long. Or that you were frightened. It scared me so much," said Viktor.

"I was scared Viktor. Not of loving you but of losing you if I told you I loved you because maybe you didn't love me as much."

"Never. Oh God never," said Viktor, hugging him again.

"ARE YOU DONE FEELING EACH OTHER UP? LET'S GET A MOVE ON VIKTOR YOU STILL OWE ME TWO MILLE-FEUILLE," yelled Yurio from the edge of the amphitheater.

"For what?" Yuuri asked, confused.

"Oh um nothi-"

"THE FUCKER THOUGHT YOU MIGHT SAY NO BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY WEREN'T IN LOVE WITH HIM," interrupted Yurio, giving a short bark of laughter at the end.

Yuuri laughed, and felt Viktor relax by him. "Come on then, I think I deserve some celebratory mille-feuille too," chuckled Yuuri, dragging Viktor behind him, feeling the quartz on Viktor's finger slide against his thumb.

The same fear in two souls. All it took was three words to dispel it. Yuuri smiled to himself.

"I love you," he whispered softly, feeling the weight on his heart lift.

They'd be okay.

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