#liz's loz stuff

[thegeminisage]

So You Want To Get Into The Legend of Zelda But Don't Know Where To Start: A Masterpost

this discussion came up in my zelda stream the other week so i thought since i'm a longtime fan and Extremely Normal i'd make a guide to people who are just now getting into the series because of breath of the wild/tears of the kingdom. there's a lot of games and it can be confusing on how they're connected, where to start, etc. this is going to be an EXTREMELY LONG guide, sorry - if you want a short version you can check out this post i wrote a long time ago.

The Timeline

so the good news is that the zelda games were published non-linearly, meaning that the game that takes place first chronologically was not necessarily the first one ever made. they didn't even HAVE a timeline until like 2011 or so. for that reason, with a few exceptions*, you can jump in pretty much wherever you like. most zelda games (or pairs of games*) are spaced hundreds or sometimes even thousands of years apart, featuring different links and zeldas and other characters, which means you don't need to know anything about zelda to start with any game. the series is deliberately made so that each title works perfectly well as a stand-alone game.

*the exception is that a very few games have direct sequels - for example, majora's mask takes places just a few years after ocarina of time, phantom hourglass takes place after wind waker, etc. luckily even with these games, you can still jump in without having played their other half and have a good time without getting lost.

The Introduction

that said, the zelda series is extremely eclectic. while they all have the undercurrent of "zeldaness" that makes them special they can be as different as night and day. 2D or 3D, happy or edgy, mainline or spinoff, story-heavy or story-light...which game is best for you to start with will depend heavily on your own personal tastes.

the short version: if you haven't yet, i recommend most people new to zelda start with either ocarina of time or breath of the wild. these games, released almost 20 years apart, were both completely revolutionary and redefined their genres (or, in oot's case, the entire industry). they usually have something to offer everyone and they're both games with standout tutorial sections that teach new players the lay of the land with ease. there's a reason most people start with one of these two - which one you prefer depends on whether you can enjoy an older game or would prefer something newer. for brand-new gamers, i might also recommend skyward sword because of how much the game holds your hand - it's frustrating for more experienced players, but for those just getting started in gaming in general it might actually work out well.

the long version: OBVIOUSLY i'm going to do a game-by-game write-up. sue me. if you're looking for information on a particular title, ctrl+f it. otherwise, settle in. time for a cut!

The Games

how to read this guide:

which games: most of them. this guide is long enough as it is, so i'm not doing a whole ass writeup for REALLY niche spin-offs like the tingle games, the crossbow training game, the bs releases, or the much-loathed cdi games, even if i think the crossbow game ruled. i will do hyrule warriors and cadence of hyrule because they're properly fleshed out games. ports and remakes are gonna get grouped together with the originals to save time and space. if there's something missing from this list you want to know about, the wikipedia article with the complete list of zelda media is right here and it's a genuinely fascinating read. have fun!!

release date: self-explanatory. using japanese release dates for overall accuracy, and the games are in order of release date as well, but you DO NOT need to play them in that order - that would be madness

console: original console, other consoles it's available on (not including the weird experimental stuff like satellaview, c'mon), and whether or not it is available for switch. why? the switch is the latest console, how many new fans got into zelda, and because of nso, it will be the easiest access point for people who can't or don't want to buy new consoles/emulate on pc. nso stands for "nintendo switch online," which is a the online membership you can purchase from nintendo. the basic plan allows, among other things, emulation nes, snes, and gameboy titles. the expansion pack tier adds emulation of n64, sega genesis, and gameboy advance titles. i think nso is a good service with great value if you can afford it - read about it here. virtual console is just buying the game, usually for a low price, and downloading it digitally to play on newer consoles, but most of those services have been shut down now. there's also backwards compatibility - the wii u can play wii games, the wii can play gcn games, the original ds (and ds lite) can play gameboy advance games, and the gameboy advance (and gameboy sp) can play gameboy and gameboy color games. the snes can also play gameboy and gameboy color games with the super gameboy, and the gcn can play gameboy, gameboy color, and gameboy advanced games with the gameboy player.

average playtime: this comes from howlongtobeat.com - if it seems off, take it up with them

mainline game: this just means whether or not this game was a "big entry" into the series - typically, mainline games are devloped by nintendo directly (though nintendo develops side-games too), and they have a higher budget and a longer dev time, but this doesn't necessarily mean they're better - some mainline games are received more poorly than the ones that aren't mainline. also sometimes people argue about which games count as mainline games so take it with a grain of salt

sequel: whether or not a game is directly tied to another game in the series - again, even if they are tied to another game, you don't HAVE to play that other game first

story-heavy: how many cutscenes/cinematics/character stuff is going on

edge level: how much grimdark and serious stuff is present and how "on-screen" it is. zelda games are infamous for a careful balance of cheerful and dark stuff in all games, but some games are more forthright about the darker elements than others. i prefer those, but you may prefer it the other way!

the premise/the good/the bad/the verdict: the actual write-up. unfortunately not even i have played/finished every zelda game (someday...), so for the games i can't speak on personally, i will make a note on it so you can seek a second opinion.

now let's get started!

The Legend of Zelda (1986)

original console: nintendo entertainment system

available on switch: yes, with nso (basic)

also available on: gcn & gba (ports), gcn (gameboy player), wii, wii u, 3ds (virtual console), original ds (backwards compatibility), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 8-10 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: no

story-heavy: no - in fact, for games in this era, reading the instruction manual is a must if you want story content; because the file size had to stay small, story content that couldn't fit was often added to manual instead

edge level: low

the premise: explore hyrule to find and put together eight fragments of the triforce so you can rescue princess zelda from ganon, prince of darkness.

the good: a solid introduction to the series, you can waste HOURS exploring this game, which is kind of a miracle considering the whole thing is only 128kb. (if you enjoy emulation, any computer will be able to play this. like doom, it could probably run on a microwave.) it's charming enough for when it was made and the music is all catchy as hell, even though it contains only a dozen or so tracks. this game is pretty light on puzzles, but most of the fun comes from the exploration - in fact, it was this game that the dev team for botw drew inspiration from when they were trying to figure out how to "reinvent" the zelda series - what they actually did was take it back to its roots.

the bad: well, it's that you can waste HOURS exploring in this game. back when it was released, the intent was to get players talking to one another - you would get one piece of the map explored and fine one secret, your friend would find and explore a different piece and find other secrets, and you'd trade! many people even had their own hand-drawn maps put together one screen at a time. since it really isn't possible to play this way today unless you get a bunch of friends together to do it blind, you almost certainly need a map or guide for this game when you're doing it on your own, otherwise you're never going to get anywhere, because there aren't usually indications that certain walls are bombable or bushes burnable.

the verdict: if you're a veteran who liked alttp (particularly the combat), if you have a high tolerance for aged games, or if you wanna see what this series looked like during its humble beginnings, you will like this game. if you're looking for a more guided experience or something with a lot of cinematics or puzzle-solving, pass. don't forget to read the manual!

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (1987)

original console: nintendo entertainment system

available on switch: yes, with nso (basic)

also available on: gcn & gba (ports), gcn (gameboy player), wii, wii u, 3ds (virtual console), original ds (backwards compatibility), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 11 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: yes, to the original legend of zelda

story-heavy: no - ditto for story being in the manual, like with the original loz

edge level: low

the premise: dive into six ancient palaces to place crystals there to wake princess zelda from an era long gone, who has been sleeping for hundreds of years. avoid being caught by ganon's minions, who want to use link's blood to revive their master ganon.

the good: because this game began life as an independent title which eventually got zelda-fied, it's quite different from most games in the series. it has side-scrolling combat and rpg elements. the soundtrack is very catchy, and this game also introduces dark link, an extremely cool popular doppelganger of our beloved hero. the map is HUGE in comparison to the original so there's tons more to explore here.

the bad: this game is HARD. not, "challenging," like, "bordering on impossible." i've never beaten it. i got just a couple of dungeons in and i was so miserable i had to give it up. even playing the "special edition" on nso (which is with all the unlockable upgrades to make it easier), it's a fucking slog. that's it! that's the only flaw.

the verdict: even with all its good qualities, even with how fresh it feels, it's so damn frustrating that only gluttons for punishment and very unique souls will truly find joy here. if you do decide to brave it, remember to read the instruction manual.

A Link to the Past (1991)

original console: super nintendo entertainment system

available on switch: yes, with nso (basic)

also available on: gba (port), gcn (gameboy player), wii, wii u, 3ds (virtual console), original ds (backwards compatibility), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 15-17 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: no

story-heavy: medium. this was the first game to actually HAVE a proper story with named characters and extended dialogue. it wouldn't be considered story-heavy by today's standards, though.

edge level: medium, but like, on the high end of medium

the premise: one stormy night, link and his uncle receive a telepathic message from zelda begging for aid. link's uncle goes out into danger and doesn't return, so it's up to lik to go rescue her in his stead. from there you'll have to explore hyrule to locate the master sword, and explore the mysterious golden land behind the seal of the seven wise men to locate their missing descendants.

the good: alttp set the blueprint for the rest of the series - we finally have our first dungeon-crawler with proper puzzles, real dialogue from zelda, named bad guys, a huge array of funky items, and jammin' tunes still used in the games today (hyrule castle anyone?). plus, link has pink hair! the opening to this game is utterly iconic in every way, and traverse through not one but TWO world maps that overlay one another makes exploration even more exciting.

the bad: truly, no complaints here. it does require some patience. it's a little aged, and it's always possible to get lost without a guide, but so is it true for every game with a big overworld like zelda's.

the verdict: again, this game isn't story-heavy by today's standards, but back then it was more story than we'd ever gotten from a zelda game. as long as you don't go in expecting it to have an rpg kind of story, you'll probably enjoy it. if you don't like 2D zelda combat or need shiny graphics to keep your attention, give it a pass.

Link's Awakening (1993, 2019)

original console: gameboy/gameboy color, and a switch-exclusive remake

available on switch: yes - you can play the original with nso (basic) or the switch-exclusive remake

also available on: snes (super gameboy), gcn (gameboy player), gba, original ds (backwards compatibility), 3ds (virtual console), switch (remake), pc (emulation of any version)

average playtime: 14-19 hours for the original, 14-21 hours for the remake

mainline game: yes for the original, no for the remake, technically

sequel: technically a sequel to a link to the past, but they truly have nothing to do with each other

story-heavy: medium - similar story style to a link to the past. smaller cast and less overall dialogue, but more character work on marin specifically

edge level: usually pretty low, but in the rare moments when it jumps out it REALLY jumps out

the premise: while sailing, link becomes shipwrecked, washes up on shore of a remote place called koholint island, and is rescued by a girl named marin. with his boat in pieces, he has to go on a bittersweet adventure exploring the island and getting to know his rescuer in order to wake a mysterious being known as the windfish so he can go home.

the good: a tiny yet vast map, foreboding dungeons (hello, face shrine), a strange and quirky world that's impossible not to love with a small but charming cast to match (though, of course, the real stand-out character is marin), fun minigames, and a soundtrack that only got better in the remake. this game has it all! the story will surprise you by leaving you weeping at the end. there's not a huge difference to the gameplay between the original and the remake - it's mostly a graphical update, though they did add some side content.

the bad: it's one of those games that's different from the rest of the zelda series, which means it's not for everyone - there's no zelda, no ganondorf, no hyrule. also, getting the best ending is absolutely painstaking.

the verdict: what a wonderful game! the story is sparse but rewarding. if you don't like 2D zeldas, story-light games, or don't want to cry through the credits, you can give it a pass - but everyone else should love it.

Ocarina of Time (1998, 2011)

original console: nintendo 64, and a 3ds-exclusive remake

available on switch: yes, with nso (expansion pack)

also available on: gcn (port), wii, wii u (virtual console), 3ds (remake), pc (fan-port or emulation of either version)

average playtime: 25-40 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: no

story-heavy: yes, medium-high. it wouldn't impress by today's standards but back then it WAS the standard

edge level: medium-high. it's horrifying in some respects, but overall very wistful and bittersweet

the premise: link, the local outcast, is ousted from his idyllic home after tragedy strikes in the form of ganondorf murdering his forest's guardian spirit. from there you'll explore hyrule to open an ancient doorway, and go on a time-traveling adventure in a last-ditch attempt to prevent a terrible future and heal a broken world that didn't always want you.

the good: what can i possibly say about ocarina of time that hasn't already been said? critically acclaimed as the best game of all time when it was made and still 25 years later (with only breath of the wild threatening to unseat it), this game is everything. this is the game that taught me to love stories, to love gaming, to love zelda. the world is full of secrets and places to explore, there's a kind of dual-overworld thing happening the way there was in alttp, there's a lot of collectibles and sidequests and TONS of minigames, there's a huge cast of characters with real depth, you can RIDE A HORSE, and the quite literal coming-of-age story has actual plot twists that affect the gameplay. this game defined the official timeline for zelda (massive spoilers at the link), it defined the series itself, it defined the genre and even the industry - games everywhere are still using concepts introduced (or made popular) here, like targeting enemies, context-sensitive buttons, dynamic soundtracks, and day-night cycles.

the bad: one of the dungeons is a shitty goddamn motherfucking royal pain in the ass. you know what i'm talking about. unless you don't, in which case i'm sorry. maybe it's less horrible in master mode, i don't know. also, like, it's not that the game has aged poorly, it's still a solid adventure, but it HAS aged. since basically every game you've ever played has emulated oot with stuff like lock-on targeting, these features won't feel as revolutionary and special to a new player today as they did to new players in 1998. that's not bad, but it has caused some people to get excited to look into the hype, pop the game in, and then go "wait, i don't get it."

the verdict: unless you absolutely cannot deal with playing a 25yo game, pick this up - for the historical value, if nothing else. i cannot more highly recommend any game that ever existed than i do this one. that said, for people who are new to GAMES IN GENERAL, it may not feel as intuitive as it did to new players in 1998, because speak a slightly different language now. new gamers should definitely still play this, but they should either use a guide or consider not making it their very first game. more experienced gamers should still be fine making this their first zelda game.

bonus verdict: as for which console to play it on - the 3ds version has a lot of quality of life adjustments, including gyroscopic controls and a master mode (gcn version also has master mode), and the graphical improvement is absolutely astounding...but it's on a teeny-tiny little screen. i think the best way to play ocarina of time, if you're able to, is to emulate the 3ds version with the fanmade 4k upgrade. of course, this requires a good pc, emulation skills, and a properly connected controller (i haven't done it yet myself) - so don't feel bad playing anyway you can access it.

Majora's Mask (2000, 2015)

original console: nintendo 64, and a 3ds-exclusive remake

available on switch: yes, with nso (expansion pack)

also available on: gcn (port), wii, wii u (virtual console), 3ds (remake), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 20-38 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: yes, it's a direct sequel to oot. the opening may be a little confusing if you haven't played it but otherwise you're fine

story-heavy: yes, VERY. the character-work alone is unparalleled even by modern standards

edge level: EXTREMELY HIGH. this is without a doubt the darkest and most haunting game in the series

the premise: link, trying to escape his problems back home, gets thrown into an unfamiliar world where the moon is going to fall and destroy everything in only three days. with the help of multiple forms (link can shift into a deku, goron, or zora), and time travel, link relives the same three days over and over again, exploring clock town and the lands around it, and getting to know its people, so he can find a way to help everyone and prevent the oncoming apocalypse.

the good: holy cast of characters, batman! as with every zelda game, there is exploration and dungeon-crawling, and these are phenomenal here - of particular note is how the use of 4 different forms plays into puzzle-solving - but the real meat of this game comes from its incredible cast. near the beginning of the game you are given a journal, in which to note the schedules and habits of each and every resident of termina as you learn them. you play the same three days over and over, so while the clock is always ticking, there's an infinite time to get to know them. each character reacts to the upcoming armageddon differently: some are resigned, some are frightened, some are brave, and some are in denial. (notably, one minor character who appears brave crumbles in the final hours, begging not to die.) who these people are and the sorrows they carry around with them to the end of the world define this game and make it like no other.

the bad: look, it's a game about an upcoming apocalypse. you're on the sinking titanic and the clock counts down every precious second and no matter what you do there will ALWAYS be that time limit, which not everyone likes. it's stressful, and it can be sad and tragic, even upsetting at times, which is kind of a requirement for the powerful catharsis it also offers. it's very different to the usual zeldas - no zelda or ganondorf or hyrule - which also isn't everyone's bag. it's also a huge timesink - you really miss a lot of the point if you don't 100% it or at least get all of the masks, which takes a long time and a guide (although it is fun as hell the whole time).

the verdict: some people really hate the time limit and find it imposing. i mostly don't have a problem with it - sometimes i have to race to finish a task before i run out of time so i HAVE time to travel back before i get blown to bits, but without this mechanic, the game wouldn't work at all. famously, this game was made in only one year (hence the reused assets), so the pressure the devs felt really came out in their work. i think it's a fucking masterpiece, but it is a game about death, among other things, so if you need a feel-good title this one probably isn't your stop. that said, the incredibly powerful cast makes this game timeless - if not for the graphics you'd hardly know it's aged at all. even newer gamers should enjoy this one, but use a guide! for a game this complex it's more important to find everything than it is to do it blind.

bonus verdict: while the graphical improvements on the 3ds are wonderful, and the added fishing minigame is great, i mostly preferred the controls of the original. new players may not notice the difference, though!

Oracles of Ages & Oracle of Seasons (2001)

original console: gameboy color

available on switch: not at the time of writing, but nintendo has confirmed it is coming to nso (basic)

also available on: snes (super gameboy), gcn (gameboy player), gba, original ds (backwards compatibility), 3ds (virtual console), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 16-25 for oracle of ages, 15-21 for oracle of seasons, leading to about 31-46 hours total

mainline game: no

sequel: not linked to any other games in the series, but they're technically both sequels to each othjer - more below

story-heavy: no, about medium-low

edge level: low

the premise: link hears the triforce calling out to him, and when he investigates, is thrown into one of two words, depending on which game you're playing. these two games stand alone, but they can also be linked via a code so that your playthrough on one can be transferred over to the other (like golden sun, if you've ever played those games). you can choose which game to play first. at the end of your playthrough, you can get a code, which can then be entered on the other game - complete both and you get a secret special grand finale. somewhat like pokemon games, the games complement each other in their differences, thoguh the differences here are much more drastic - they have different overworlds and dungeons, a slightly different set of items, and a different way of interacting with the world (by either traveling through the ages or by changing the season). oracle of ages is focused on puzzle-solving, while oracle of seasons is focused on combat and action.

the good: what a dense and detailed little adventure these games are! with a double of everything from items sets to overworlds, there's a ton to do. the worlds have a ton of variety and can feel endless at times. and since they were built on (i think) the link's awakening engine, gameplaywise it's kind of like getting to play a really good sequel to that game for the first time...twice. the lore is fun, the lands are fun, there's a couple of unforgettable tracks i still listen to. since you can play the games in either order, there's a good bit of REplayability involved, because hardcore fans will want to experience it both ways - leading to two playthroughs of each game, meaning four total playthroughs, for up to a whopping total of 92 hours of gameplay. talk about bang for your buck!

the bad: the codes are a real pain in the ass to work with, and you really can't get by without them. not only is it essential for moving your file from one game to the other, but you can also use them to get special items from one file to another. it's SO EASY to enter these codes in wrong and SO TEDIOUS to have to check them character by character. here's hoping the nso version has a better way (though i'm not holding my breath).

the verdict: an absolute must for any 2d zelda fan. first-time players, i HIGHLY recommending playing ages first. there's an important side-character in ages whose story gets resolved in seasons, but not if you play seasons first. of course, if you really like the games a lot, you can always start over and play them in the other order for different cutscenes.

Wind Waker (2002)

original console: gamecube

available on switch: no :(

also available on: wii u (hd port), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 25-60 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: technically, this is one POSSIBLE sequel to ocarina of time (which splintered the timeline, leading to multiple possible branching paths), though it takes place hundreds of years later. it has the same ganondorf from that game, but you should understand everything just fine whether you've played oot or not.

story-heavy: yes

edge level: medium-low - there are some more serious moments, and this is technically a post-apocalypse story, but overall this is one of the more bright and joyful games

the premise: this is a hyrule that was flooded by the gods when the hero of an ancient era could not show up to defeat ganondorf. people live on former mountaintops, now islands, interconnected by only the sea, and sailing is very dangerous. when link's younger sister is kidnapped, he has to leave his little island and go on a sea-faring adventure with pirates in order to get her back and unlock the mysteries of the hyrule beneath the waves.

the good: the game is vibrant, colorful, beautiful, and full of life. even if you don't like the cartoony art style (and i have mixed feelings), you can't deny the ambiance. there's a new combat system where for the first time you can pick up the dropped weapons of enemies, and the cast is stand-out - the "zelda" of this game is more hands-on than in any other title, and ganondorf is at his most sympathetic here, not to mention all the minor characters and their various sidequests. the characters are truly some of the funniest and most endearing yet - this game will make you laugh out loud. the enemies and bosses are unique and fun to grapple with (special shoutout to helmaroc king) and there's no shortage of stuff to do.

the bad: firstly, we have to mention the art style, which has been a little divisive over the years. it won't be for everybody. i like it for the most part, because you couldn't get the same vibe without it, but i do wish it was just a little less stylized - just a little! secondly, the game is just not finished. the development was rushed, leading to the cutting of an entire dungeon and a poorly-implemented second half where the focus shifts from exploration and dungeons to a near-ENDLESS fetch-quest for triforce pieces which involves a LOT of incredibly tedious and time-consuming sailing. (as kids, some trips were so long we could just set the direction and leave the controller on the floor while we took a bathroom break.)

the verdict: overall, the flaws aren't enough to ruin what is a truly great adventure. fans of the more serious games (hi! me!) may find themselves wishing wind waker had leaned into its post-apocalyptic setting and mysterious drowned world aspect more, and fans of lighter zeldas will find themselves wishing the damn thing was finished, but overall, everyone should find it's worth at least one playthrough, unless you absolutely cannot tolerate the visuals. fans of lighter zeldas, combat, and pirates will all love this one.

Four Swords (2002)

original console: gameboy advance

available on switch: no :(

also available on: 3ds (single-player remake), potentially pc (idk if emulation of the original is possible considering the connectivity, but you could almost certainly emulate the remake)

average playtime: 3-17 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: technically, it's a sequel to minish cap, but minish cap hadn't been made yet, so whatever

story-heavy: not at all

edge level: non-existent

the premise: link pulls the ancient "four sword" in order to defeat bad guy vaati and becomes split into 4 selves. this game was the first multiplayer zelda, and you had to have three friends, all with their own gameboys and link cables, to even play this bad boy. from what i understand in most of the game you just compete to see who can get the most rupees? a single-player version was released on the 3ds a few years later but i don't know if you can still buy it legit or if the 3ds store was shut down. since it was so inaccessible, pretty much no one played this, including me, so i can't give it a proper writeup. probably nobody reading this will ever get a chance to experience four swords how it was originally meant to be played either, but you can find this game's spirit in similar titles like four swords adventures or minish cap, which are much more accessible.

Four Swords Adventures (2004)

original console: gamecube

available on switch: no :(

also available on: uh yeah that's it. just the gamecube. you may be able to emulate it on pc though - i've never tried

average playtime: 15 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: teeechnically a sequel to the original four swords, but nobody played that, it's fine

story-heavy: not at all

edge level: very low

the premise: a sequel to four swords, this was intended to be the sleeker and (somewhat...) more accessible version. you can play this one as a single player, but my brother and i did it on co-op with a link cable and a gameboy sp - just the two of us, and no need to find two other friends - we each controlled two links each, to simplify it.

the good: the game is FUNNN as hell. the graphics are sleek as fuck because it's a 2d game running on a system capable of rendering 3d ones (just look at those flame effects!), the gameplay is addictive, and co-op puzzles are a blast. nintendo has always come out strong when it comes to in-person multiplayer (even if they have yet to catch up with online multiplayer...) and this is no exception. for anyone who ever wished they could sit on the floor and play zelda with their siblings the same way they played mario kart or smash bros, this game is a dream come true.

the bad: this game is still so GODDAMN inaccessible. we were lucky enough to have the gameboys and link cables we needed, but i don't have any idea how you'd go about playing it with other people now without some extremely tedious emulation or buying some extremely old (and expensive) gaming equipment. sure, emulating the single-player version on gcn is no big, but the game really shines in its multiplayer aspect, which is all but impossible for most people to enjoy now. it's incredibly frustrating.

the verdict: if you're lucky or rich enough to own a gamecube, a gameboy, and a link cable (multiple gameboys and link cables?) in 2023, AND you have a friend or three to play it with, please pick this one up. unless you just hate 2d zeldas, it is a FUCKING blast, and zelda fans the world over are probably envious they can't experience it for themselves.

Minish Cap (2004)

original console: gameboy advance

available on switch: yes, with nso (expansion pack)

also available on: original ds (backwards compatibility), 3ds, wii u (virtual console)

average playtime: 15-27 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: no, but it is a prequel to the four sword series (made well after those games were released)

story-heavy: medium-light - about the level of most 2d zelda games

edge level: very low - this is such a bright and cheerful adventure

the premise: in an adventure meant to explain vaati of four sword fame's origins, you meet teeny-tiny people known as the minish, who live in teeny-tiny spaces all over hyrule. they mend shoes, use pots and old boots as houses, fight dust mites, and leave surprise gifts such as rupees and hearts beneath pots and the like to help adventurers. by shrinking and growing you explore various nooks and crannies and solve a ton of puzzles, and through fusing items called kinstones with strangers you can change or uncover more of the overworld and unlock even more secrets

the good: the game is beautiful, bright, and fun. the soundtrack is catchy, the gameplay is addictive, the puzzles are very fresh, and the kinstone fusion feature means you'll be doing a lot of backtracking and replaying to see all this game has to offer.

the bad: besides zelda, i didn't find myself terribly enthralled with most of the cast. the reused sound effects from other games can be nostalgic sometimes but sometimes they feel a bit cheap, since they had to be downsized; they're the audio equivalent of a pixelated jpg. and as great as the soundtrack is, it suffered from the same thing.

the verdict: my nitpicks with this game are minor - i think it's a wonderful and fresh entry into the series, and probably one of if not the best 2D zelda. if you like 2D zelda at all, you'll want to pick it up.

Twilight Princess (2006)

original console: gamecube AND wii (i know)

available on switch: no :(

also available on: wii u (hd port), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 30-56 hours

mainline game: yes

sequel: technically, this is another possible sequel to oot, taking place 100 years later, and involving oot's ganondorf. (it has nothing to do with the timeline wind waker is on.)

story-heavy: yes, very - the cutscenes look great, the mocap for this game is wonderful

edge level: very high

the premise: 100 years after ocarina of time, darkness falls across hyrule in the form of "twilight," desolating every part of hyrule that it touches by turning its denizens into ghosts, and forcing princess zelda to surrender to zant, the king of the twilight realm. when link's village is destroyed by this twilight and he is turned into a wolf, he leaves to save zelda, save hyrule, and save his home. this game was meant to be a gcn title originally, but development was delayed for so long that they began co-developing it for the wii and released it as a launch title for that console.

the good: where do i start? this game was intended to be a return to oot's more realistic artstyle after many years of the wind waker art style in spin-off games, and was in fact a spiritual remake of oot in many ways. it is similar graphically, tonally, and gameplay wise - it's the oot they wanted to make in 1998, only with a more powerful engine, and fans loved it - check out this video of its announcement at e3 - it still gives me chills. famously, this game introduced horseback combat, which the devs had really wanted to implement in oot and were forced to give up on due to hardware limitations. the cast and the puzzles are all great on this one, and the world is huge and full of surprises, but of particular note is your partner midna, who comes with a better story and more personality than any partner before or since (sorry, king of red lions). lesbians and their associates will LOVE whatever the hell she has going on with zelda in this game. twilight princess also has the most fleshed-out swordplay of any zelda game - the various techniques you learn from the ghost swordsman are fun as hell, and every single boss battle in this game absolutely fucks.

the bad: despite its high moments, the story in this game is just a little weirdly paced. ganondorf was brought in kind of suddenly, and link's childhood friend from his village, whom the story focuses on a lot, is maybe not the most compelling character (sorry to ilia fans - she's okay, just not my favorite). not everybody liked this game's emulation of oot, and some people felt it was uninspired. personally, my gripes are mostly about the dual-console release; having played both versions multiple times, i think they both suffered from being co-developed. because the wii version uses motion controls and most people are right-handed they switched to a right-handed link for the wii (BLASPHEMY), meaning they actually flipped the entire world horizontally, and there are times when the laziness of this action is very apparent when playing the wii version. while the controls are superior on the wii (there's a mandatory shooting minigame that's all but impossible on gcn connected to a crt tv), the graphics just...look a little aged for a wii game, whereas they look damn good for a gamecube game. the hd remake fixes this, but since it's only on the wii u, fucking nobody has played it, and it remains inaccessible to most players except through emulation.

the verdict: if you can get your hands on this, do it. despite its flaws it's a classic meat-and-potatoes zelda adventure. fans of combat and more serious stories will especially love this one. personally, i preferred the gcn version because of left-handed link, but i do think the motion aiming on the wii (and wii u?) was a great addition, so it's a matter of preference as far as if you want the hd graphics and what controller feels correct in your hands.

Phantom Hourglass (2007)

original console: nintendo ds

available on switch: no :(

also available on: wii u (virtual console), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 17-31 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: a direct sequel to wind waker - not sure if you need to have played that to understand; from what i can tell there are actually a few plotholes

story-heavy: medium, i think?

edge level: low, as far as i know

the premise: after tetra gets sucked into a ghost shiop ad vanishes, link has to set sail on a new ship to find a way to free her. that's all i really know because, okay, up-front, i did not finish it. i did not give it a fair shake. it's got great reviews and they can't all be wrong, but i found controlling link with a stylus (the ds had no control stick) frustrating, the game hard to see (the graphics are trying to emulate ww's style on less capable hardware), and the story uncompelling (tetra? a damsel??). i know a lot of people really love linebeck and i wanna love him too one day, but until then, get your answers from the people who love this game!

Spirit Tracks (2009)

original console: nintendo ds

available on switch: no :(

also available on: wii u (virtual console), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 20-33 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: to wind waker and phantom hourglass, technically, though it takes place 100 years after those games

story-heavy: medium, i think?

edge level: low, as far as i know

the premise: 100 years after wind waker and phantom hourglass, a new hyrule has been founded above the waves and it has TRAINS. for some reason zelda gets zapped out of her body and can now follow you around as a cool ghost who possesses bigass statues to help you out. that's right, your partner for this game IS ZELDA. the main theme for this game is so catchy it's a crime. i never played this since i didn't finish phantom hourglass, but it looks so fucking cool that i wanna power through phantom hourglass despite my initial reservations just so i can take a crack at it.

Skyward Sword (2011)

original console: wii

available on switch: yes, as an hd port

also available on: wii u (virtual console & backwards compatibility), pc (emulation)

average playtime: 30-58

mainline game: yes

sequel: no - in fact, it's the prequel to every zelda, being that it's the very first one in the timeline

story-heavy: yes, very

edge level: mostly low, but it does have its serious moments

the premise: taking place at the very start of zelda's long and complex timeline, this game seeks to explain the origins of hyrule's creation and and some of its mythology. link and the other proto-hylians live in islands high above the clouds and attend the school for flying around on bigass birds, not knowing if there even is a world below, until one day zelda (not a princess but the headmaster's daughter) gets dragged down by a dark force, and link must venture into the land below to save her.

the good: skyward sword is oozing ambiance. a standout area of this game is lanayru desert, in which you can use a timeshift stone to shift the area directly around you back in time by 1000 years or so and watch it come to life with greenery. this soundtrack is fully orchestrated, we get to hear zelda sing (her first voice acting debut!), and when the motion controls are on, they're REALLY on. sometimes the swordfights feel like actual duels. the cast of side-characters all get a lot of development (shoutout to my man groose!), and the villains are creepy and quirky. the dungeons in skyward sword are especially good - the cistern in particular is one of the best in the game, but we can't forget the ghost ship or the sky temple either. minor spoilers for the story, here, but finding out WHY there are so many zelda games and the struggle against evil never ends (it's a literal curse) was really cool and really reframed how a lot of people saw the series and the characters - it's a lot more tragic that they have a fate they can't escape from so long as zelda fans want more games.

the bad: minor spoilers for the story here too. as far as prequels go it did not make a lot of sense. there's nothing about the three goddesses we've come to know and love, only about the minor goddess hylia, and the ancient hyrule features species that don't ever make another appearance mole guys and seahorse dudes. there aren't any zoras or gerudo or koroks/kokiri, there's only one goron, we only see two sheikah...it feels so far removed from the hyrule we know that it doesn't feel like a prequel at all. additionally, when the motion controls aren't good, they're REALLY bad - especially on the switch version, which has less precise controls than the wii. finally, while i personally didn't mind it (puzzles!), a lot of people disliked how linear the overworld was and complained there was no exploration. another common frustration, one which i share, is how much the game holds your hand. (this famously inspired toriel in the game undertale to LITERALLY hold your hand and do the puzzle for you.) this game will present a puzzle and then have the nearest npc (most often fi, poor fi, she undeservedly gets all the blame for this) explain how to do it before giving you even one chance to try for yourself.

the verdict: it has its flaws, but i still enjoy it a lot. i think more experienced players will be very frustrated with it at times, and people who hate motion mechanics or constant alerts/lots of useless dialogue will be miserable. (you can turn motion controls off in the switch version but it feels unnatural because of how sword-swinging works.) on the other hand, the game's linear and hand-holdy nature actually makes it a perfect start for brand new gamers, especially given where it falls on the timeline.

A Link Between Worlds (2013)

original console: 3ds

available on switch: no :(

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 16-23 hours

mainline game: no

sequel: takes place at least 100 years after a link to the past, and even uses the same overworld! you don't have to play that to understand this though.

story-heavy: medium, about the level you expect for 2d zeldas

edge level: medium-high

the premise: link turns into a little flat guy so he can go more places! this is a sequel involving the inhabitants of lorule, a parallel world to hyrule, one without a triforce. go back and forth between kingdoms to save hyrule from suffering the same fate, all while trying to kick a giant rabbit guy out of your house.

the good: the puzzles in this one are really fun and fresh, the old overworld map feels super nostalgic, the music is charming, and being able to tackle the dungeons in any order is a nice touch. i especially loved getting to know certain inhabitants of lorule.

the bad: the non-linear style won't be for everyone, and i wish i had been able to spend more time getting to know hilda in particular.

the verdict: this in my opinion is one of the best 2D zeldas - if you're a 2D zelda fan, especially a alttp fan, don't miss it!

Hyrule Warriors (2014, 2016, 2018)

original console: wii u

available on switch: yes, as a remake/collection

also available on: this is complicated. the game was originally released on wii u, then ported to the 3ds with new added content but i think mising some other content, and then FINALLY released on the switch with ALL the content. you can also emulate any version on the pc

average playtime: 17-38 hours, though people report up to a whopping 366 hours to 100% it

mainline game: no

sequel: no

story-heavy: medium-ish. there's cool cutscenes but it's not that deep

edge level: low, this shit is just balls to the wall crazy-ass fun

the premise: a crossover between dynasty warriors and zelda. turn zelda into a beat-em-up and add cameos from popular characters doing increasingly batshit anime fighting moves. what's not to like?

the good: this game is insane. the electric guitar soundtrack, the cameos, the nostaliga - it's all here. the gameplay is good mindless fun you can really sink your teeth into, and despite it not being the point i had fun running around and exploring all the maps. there's so, so, SO much to do (366 hours!) you will literally never see the end of it.

the bad: the OCs are maybe not my favorite people. i don't know if they come from other dynasty warriors games but they were a little annoying and truly, uh, underdressed. also, as someone who likes to 100% games, it annoys me that i'll likely never 100% this, just because of the sheer timesink/grinding required.

the verdict: if you like fighting games and combat, this is for you. if you're into zelda for the serious story stuff and the puzzles, give it a pass. completionists beware, 100%ing this game is NOT for the faint-hearted.

Tri Force Heroes (2015)

original console: 3ds

available on switch: no :(

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 14-26 hours, but up to 56 hours to 100% it

mainline game: no

sequel: takes place a few years after a link between worlds - not sure if you need to play that to understand this, but it seems unlikely

story-heavy: doesn't look like it

edge level: low. oh my god, he's in a little cheerleader outfit. look at him

the premise: i don't really know, i think you crossdress to gain superpowers and then solve puzzles with your buds. i didn't play this one because i didn't have 2 friends with a 3ds and a flexible schedule. apparently there's a one-player mode, but it just doesn't seem as fun, and the lack of a 2-player mode is sad because my brother and i could've rocked it. like the four swords series, this looks like great multiplayer fun, but it's inaccessible to people without the time or coordination to get 3 people together. it looks fun as hell, though.

Breath of the Wild (2017)

original console: dual launch on wii u and switch

available on switch: yes, obviously :)

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 50-100 hours, though to 100% everything and enjoy the dlc it could take up to 210!

mainline game: yes

sequel: technically, it's a sequel to everything, since it takes place at the end of (somehow) every timeline. but you don't have to have any prior experience to enjoy it

story-heavy: medium-heavy? this is the first zelda game with voice acting, and what cutscenes it does have are amazing, but you can expect to see only a very few of them

edge level: very high (this is once again post-apocalyptic), but not as high as majora's mask or twilight princess

the premise: link wakes after a 100 year sleep with no memory of who he is or what happened to the ruined world around him. explore a completely open world in your own way at your own pace, recover your memories, rescue zelda.

the good: this game hit the industry at a thousand miles per hour and six years later the hype still hasn't slowed down. this redefined the series and the genre in a way we haven't seen since oot in 1998. this game is revolutionary in the way that oot was revolutionary back then, but updated so that newer players find it just as surprising and refreshing as new players in 1998 found oot back then. the exploration, the physics, and the world are all totally unparalleled - three decades later, this zelda truly gets back to the original explorer and adventuring spirit miyamoto tried so hard to capture in the very first legend of zelda game all the way back in 1986.

the bad: as much fun as this world is to play around in, i found that most of my joy came from the exploration and not knowing what i'd find around the next corner. it's still a very, very, VERY good game, but i found that on my replay it just didn't have that same shininess that other games in the series do when i replay them. and, of course, because it's so different it's very divisive - there's no human ganondorf in this game, no dungeons - all your puzzle-solving comes in microdungeons called shrines scattered around hyrule. weapon durability is also a hotly debated feature - even i found it frustrating at times, although in many ways the forced improvisation it brings to the table is more than worth the cost of admission. and overall the enemies are all the same and have no real difference between them, even the bosses, and the boss fights kind of suck. it's a really good game, but it does have its flaws.

the verdict: this is the perfect starting point for anyone new to the series. many people have started with this game and learned about hyrule alongside the amnesiac link - i had an extremely interesting discussion once with someone on tumblr about how the game is different if you've grown up loving hyrule and see it get torn apart, vs if the only hyrule you know IS the one that's torn apart. both ways are wonderful experiences, and i think even non-zelda fans would find something to love in the freedom this game offers.

Cadence of Hyrule (2019)

original console: switch

available on switch: yes, obviously :)

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 6-11 hours, but you can add up to 12 more if you play the dlc

mainline game: no

sequel: no

story-heavy: not really

edge level: low

the premise: a crossover with crypt of the necrodancer, a roguelike rhythm game. there's no real story here except, notably, a brief cameo of a younger ganondorf, though his back is always turned to you. (if you could go back and kill ganondorf as a baby...)

the good: well, a rhythm game's gotta have good music, right? both the rehashes of the old songs and the new music are absolutely stellar here. i'm normally iffy on rhythm games but i found the gameplay addictive (there's a strong tactical element to moving around) and the exploration fun. getting to play as zelda (!!!) if you want is a great bonus, too. there's really nothing not to love.

the bad: the kind of movement you have in this game doesn't lend itself super well to boss fights most of the time. they weren't bad by any means but definitely one of the weaker parts of the experience.

the verdict: unless you hate rhythm games or hate fun, you'll like this one, especially if you're a crypt of the necrodancer fan or a fan of zelda's music in general. puzzle fans might be disappointed there aren't as many mind-twisters in this one, though.

Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity (2020)

original console: switch

available on switch: yes, obviously :)

also available on: pc (emulation)

average playtime: 25-40 hours, though it can take up to 76 hours to 100% it

mainline game: no

sequel: a direct prequel to breath of the wild and its eventual but as-of-yet unreleased sequel tears of the kingdom

story-heavy: yes

edge level: relatively low, i'm told

the premise: so this is a prequel to botw, taking place during the era just before the apocalypse. i didn't finish it because it came out right around nov 5 2020 (iykyk) and then someone spoiled the ending for me and i thought it sounded stupid, so i was less motivated to play. what little i did play of it was great, though - it was exciting and fun in all the ways the original hyrule warriors was but bigger and badder in every respect, and with a little more of that somber botw flavor. i intend to finish before totk comes out despite my reservations about the story.

The Conclusion

it's a great time to be a zelda fan because out of the 22 games on this list, only 8 of them are unavailable on nintendo switch, and only 2 of those are what i would consider to be mainline games. that means you can access two thirds of the ENTIRE SERIES, spanning almost 4 decades, on a single console! your only limits are your time and your wallet. most of the ones that AREN'T available on the switch can be played on a 3ds, so if you have or buy one, nearly the entire series is at your fingertips. (you can emulate the shit out of your 3ds, btw, and play a lot of these gameboy, gba, and ds games for free - nintendo isn't looking anymore so they don't care.)

sorry i couldn't fully cover all games - i welcome opinions from people who have played games i've missed in the tags. when i do get around to playing them, i will come back and update this guide! expect an entry for totk eventually too. thanks for reading and i hope it was helpful to someone!

[zillakur]

Me: okay Liz. Don't make this AU cheesy. Your readers want grit, some nice realistic relationship progressions and angst. You got this!!!

Also me: Link whipped his head around at the sound of Sidon's voice. The salty tears streaming down his flushed cheeks mixed with the freezing rain that fell upon his golden hair from the deep dark clouds above. "Why? Why did you do it?" Sidon pushes, his ruby red bangs stuck to his forehead, the rest flowing down his shoulders like a crimson waterfall. The deep golden hue of Sidon's eyes were marred with a disgusting sense of confusion and betrayal. Link swallows the lump in his throat, his mind reeling. "I-" he choked on his words. "Why!?" Sidon roars, his voice cracking with emotion. "BECAUSE I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU."

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

Got any fics where they start out as friends with benefits/f*** buddies but then catch feels? Bonus for friends that could have told them this ages ago!

Friends With Benefits is my guilty pleasure. I have 22 Klaine fic recs under the cut. - HKVoyage

Friends With Benefits by liz-loz

Kurt is a high-flying fashion adviser with an expensive New York flat and a supermodel boyfriend. Blaine is a rough, blunt struggling musician barely living off his wages, but getting LOTS of one thing. How will the two meet and what will become of them?

~~~~~

I’ve been waiting for you by WildHurricane

Kurt and Blaine are casual friends who sleep together occasionally. It’s an arrangement that suits Kurt perfectly. Until one day when he realizes his feelings run much deeper than he wants them to. That’s when he realizes something else, too. He doesn’t really know Blaine or if he’s the only man in Blaine’s life. Should he tell him and risk losing the great, uncomplicated thing they have or go on pretending nothing has changed and hope his feelings will fizzle out?

~~~~~

In College You Know Who You Are by honorarymaraudr

This was written as a response to a prompt on the kink meme: “Kurt goes to college in NYC while Finn goes to college at OSU. Once in a while he goes back to Ohio and visits Finn on campus, where he meets Blaine during a party. The two hit it off immediately but are not looking for a relationship for whatever reason but both have needs, so they settle for a one night stand. Kurt keeps running into Blaine every time he comes back to Ohio (either intentionally or not ;)) and they quickly become friends with benefits. They also have phone/Skype sex and eventually hang out more together outside of the bedroom whenever Kurt is in town, until they realize they might want their relationship to be more than just physical. :)”

Download the EPub or PDF here.

~~~~~

You Said There’s Tones Of Fish In The Water. by meganisaloser

Friends with benefits only lasted so long before the long, tiring and damn right amazing road of love became their pathway.

~~~~~

It Feels Like Just Having Fun by @hildigunnurf

AU. When Rachel backs out of hers and Kurt’s agreement to rent an apartment together in New York, Kurt has to find a place to live fast. What he finds, is a handsome and older roommate and a sexual awakening.

~~~~~

A Place That’s Safe and Warm by @honeysucklepink

Writer and blogger Blaine Anderson just wanted to have a few drinks, hook up with his friend Kurt, and pretend for a little while that his adopted city of Boston hadn’t been attacked. He meant to make a quiet exit the morning after, but overbearing parents, a cranky roommate, and the justice system had other plans.

~~~~~

Should’ve Known Better by brokenlovesong

Based on tumblr gif set: “Coach Sylvester finds out what exactly her Cheerio co-captains Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson get up to in their spare time.” They agreed that it should just be sex, no strings attached. But is it really possible to keep sex and feelings aside when you’re spending most of your time naked with your co-captain?

~~~~~

Stay With Me by @scatter-the-stars

Blaine has found the ideal apartment. There’s two problems. One, he needs a roommate to help with the rent. Two, only married couples can live in the building. The last thing he expects is for Kurt to step in and help him. It turns out living with Kurt helps him realize feelings he didn’t know he had. And sleeping with him doesn’t make things better.

~~~~~

This Side by flyblckbirdfly

Kurt and Blaine have been best friends since the day Kurt stopped Blaine on the stairs at Dalton, but never anything more. This is why Blaine is more than a little shocked when Kurt suggests that they lose their virginity to one another before they head off to New York for college. 

Download the PDF or EPUB

~~~~~

You Got Me Singing In The Shower by @caramelcoffeeaddict

Kurt Hummel hated the communal bathrooms in his dorm. That is…until he met Blaine Anderson there.

~~~~~

You Said There’s Tones Of Fish In The Water by meganisaloser

AU Klaine: Kurt and Blaine are close, closer than friends, but not as close as love. FireFighter!Blaine

~~~~~

(un)requited by @klaineanummel

Kurt has watched Blaine fall in love with the wrong guy for years now. He knows Blaine will never fall for him, but when Blaine falls into his bed, he can’t exactly say no. After all, he’d rather have this with Blaine than nothing at all. 

~~~~~

Take Me To The Other Side by JudeAraya

No heavy Kadam or Seblaine at all. In fact, Sebastian doesn’t even make an appearance other than reference. The long and the short of it is that I love Klaine and wanted to write them having lots of banter, sex, and learning about each other in new ways. There is no cheating, no angst, no jealousy.

~~~~~

Don’t make me over by @klaineanummel

Kurt thinks today will just be an average day; he’ll go to work, he’ll pine for his friend-with-benefits Blaine (who he desperately wants to become more), and he’ll remind his boss for the millionth time that he doesn’t want to be set up with her son. It goes pretty much as he expects… well, sort of.

~~~~~

Head Over Feet by @istytehcrawk

When the guy you have been crushing on for years and been best friends with for months invites you to his bed, no strings attached, you go. You go, and you deal with the emotional fallout later.

One shot in the Verse: Now and Forever

~~~~~

All This Time by silverdragon87

Kurt and Blaine have been roommates for nearly a year and a half. They’ve been fooling around with each other for almost as long and it’s always been enough for them, or has it?

~~~~~

Crossing The Line by BregoArodShadowfax

Written for a GKM prompt. Blaine and Kurt meet in college when they share a dorm room together. Both of them are hiding their sexuality, but since neither is getting any action elsewhere, they enter into a friends-with-benefits type of relationship. Eventually it goes a little too far to be just ‘bros helping bros’ and the truth has to come out. Klaine.

 ~~~~~

Don’t Say I Didn’t Warn You by @klaineanummel

Blaine doesn’t really care what Sam and Tina think about his friends with benefits relationship with his older sister’s best friend is what it really comes down to.

 ~~~~~

I Know What I Need by @caramelcoffeeaddict

Kurt and Blaine are college roommates. Both boys have girlfriends and think they’re straight. One night, after both of them suddenly find themselves single, they get drunk and turn to each other to abate their sexual appetites.

 ~~~~~

Restraint by scarlettfire

With nowhere to go for the winter holidays, Blaine accompanies his college roommate Finn home, where he meets the most beautiful boy. The attraction flares hot and fast. Whether it’ll stay is the question.

 ~~~~~

Sex Education by beautifulwhatsyourhurry

Kurt decides he wants to be a little more informed on all this sex stuff. Blaine, as a nice, thoughtful friend, offers to teach him. Hands on.

Not Exclusive by nellie12

Finn happens to be doing well for himself in the University of Florida. He is starting QB for the Gators, and he’s a member of Phi Beta Kappa, and his grades aren’t terrible. He also has his favorite step-brother coming to visit from New York, and Kurt has no idea he’s about to have the Spring Break of a lifetime until he meets Finn’s best friend and frat mate- Blaine Anderson.

[nureyevsbf]

f/o takeover - 8/17-19

what’s up lads im doing the f/o takeover again this weekend here’s some extra info for it

i’m Eli, i use he/him pronouns (it/its if you know me)

Foggy is my main f/o and the love of my life and as usual i’ll be doing it w him but i’m also on a major LoZ kick so i’ll be doing it w Linebeck as well (partially since i need drive to flesh out that timeline more.) also bc i think it’d be interesting, go ahead and ask any of my Marvel favs stuff too. here’s my favs page

i’ll be using the tags #[character] answers!! since there’s so many i’m not gonna link them here but y’all can find it ok i’m sure

n.sfw content is ok for romantic favs (not platonic pls hdfj) and i’ll tag appropriately

Foggy and i are married and not just dating at this point if that becomes relevant

my LoZ insert is named Thorn if you need to use my name but tbh if you use Eli that’s fine too

i don’t know what my schedule will look like this weekend so i’ll just answer asks Whenever, possibly even after the takeover. hell, i’ll probably take asks into the week as long as i don’t get slammed w too many.

tysm ahead of time, if you’re reading this i love you

extra slightly personal shit under the cut

if you’re new here and you do any digging you’ll probably come up w content that uses the name Liz/uses she/her pronouns for me. i came out as trans around March and that’s just no longer accurate for me. please don’t misgender me during this process, i’m just tryna chill not deal w dysphoria.

i don’t mind asks abt my being trans as long as it’s not mega invasive? mostly bc like i know it’s heartening for other trans people to see self insert content w someone’s f/os being supportive of a trans significant other.

should also go w/o saying but i prefer male descriptors only, i.e. husband/prince/man, etc.

[alizardnamedtopaz]

I was tagged.

Instead of doing my math homework, I'm going to do this instead. Thanks to @yoshistack for tagging me! Rules: Answer the questions & tag 20 blogs you want to get to know better! Nicknames: I don't really have a nickname people use for me. Star Sign: Aquarius Height: Around 5'4 Time right now: 9:10 PM Last thing I Googled: Twilight Princess Walkthrough Favorite music artist: Lady Gaga, I have a lot of respect for her. Song stuck in my head: Giga Cartoon Witch sung by Kagamine Rin Last movie I watched: ... I have no idea. Last TV show I watched: The only TV show I really watch is The Simpsons. What am I wearing right now: Grey basketball shorts and a LoZ tank top. It's pretty comfy. When I created this blog: Again, I have no idea. The kind of stuff I post: This blog is mostly reblogs. Why I chose my url: My character in Skyrim was an Argonian named Topaz, so I chose ALizardNamedTopaz. Gender: I'm a girl. Hogwarts House: Pokémon team: Team I-went-Valor-because-I-like-red-but-should've-gone-Instinct. Favorite Color: Red's my favorite color, but I also like neon green. Average hours of sleep: Around 7.5 hours. Lucky number: The number 171 has been good to me on a few occasions. Favorite characters: ... I'll name my top five in no particular order. 1. Chrom [Fire Emblem Awakening] 2. Randy March [Wizardess+] 3. Callie and Marie [Splatoon and yes I know they're technically two.] 4. Piplup [Pokemon] 5. Princess Peach [Super Mario] Dream job: "Man, I'd love to be a marine biologist!" Says the girl who lives in a land-locked state with the only major bodies of water beings man-made who doesn't know how to swim and who knows very little about the ocean becaUSE THERE'S NOT ONLY A TINY SELECTION OF BOOKS, BUT THERE'S NO BOOK STORES EITHER. Number of blankets I sleep with: If it's winter, one, unless I'm really cold. In summer, usually a thin one, or none. Dream fictional character that you would want to be: Either female Robin from Awakening or Liz Hart from Wizardess+. One interesting fact about you: I play the violin, the true instrument of God. [I'm looking at you YoshiStack. Now to tag some others! And be sure to @ me so I see it! Anyone who wants to do this, I'd be interested.

[thegeminisage]

oh yeah this one also. it came up on shuffle awhile ago and blew my tits clean off

[thegeminisage]

the true brilliance of koji kondo as a composer is that like ocarina of time’s soundtrack is already amazing but when you take it out of the n64 instrumentals and put it into modern synths or real instruments it fucking comes ALIVE. like there absolutely are/were songs on the ost that kid me and even adult me thought were just “okay.” today’s example is kaepora gaebora’s theme:

this is ok and fine ig but usually kind of bores me, which may also be because of the conditioning i have had to try and skip through every owl section as quickly as humanly possible and not fuck up the ending prompt, but then you put it to live instruments:

like yes, much of this is obviously a credit to the musicians who arranged and covered it, but the MELODY is koji kondo’s, the harmonies, the background instruments and how they work together. and i listen to this and i, who have never really liked the owl song, am absolutely JAMMING OUT to it. it’s the catchiest shit i’ve ever heard. and the older i get the more i realize that every single “just okay” track on the ost is LIKE THAT. the sheer talent in like that one guy. blows my mind every time

[thegeminisage]

music rec for a remix i have been listening to a lot which is really good and fun i think.

[thegeminisage]

zelda girlies (gn) (honorific) do we all remember the nearly 17 year old view to a kill majora’s mask video? no? here you go:

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ftr this was posted in january 2006, less than a YEAR after youtube launched as a platform, and it isn't even posted by the original creator but by someone who DOWNLOADED it. yes it looks like a potato but this is the true vintage shit

[thegeminisage]

okay i have another zelda ask for you. save for whenever you want a meaty ask. in my recent zelda youtubery people have been revisiting/laughing at that wacky animated series or whatever, like 'lol this was SO bad we will never get a zelda movie now'. which.. i'm not even sure if i want in the first place. but i did think, "well liz could write a good one". so if nintendo kidnapped you and forced you to write the zelda movie. what's your vision for the vibe/big plot points/character arcs? or like. what would it need to be good. just for fun! i hope you never get sick of me sending you random zelda asks. xoxoxo.

I WILL LITERALLY NEVER GET SICK OF THIS. i am literally SO flattered you think i could do it justice. you are gonna regret asking me though because the more time i had to think this over the more elaborate it got. so. (also, i have seen the animated series in its entirety. a long time ago now but i did. it sure was an experience; some of it i liked and some of it i really hated.) also sorry this took me so long to do i took a week’s break in the middle to read 1.3 million words of fanfiction. I BET YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT well i didnt. i have devoted so much brainpower to this. too much brainpower even

anyway. the first obvious and easy answer is that i would simply have them shoot ocarina of time. with only the most nuanced of performances, the most tasteful CGI, the best on-site locations for shooting, a score by koji kondo himself which is then of course performed LIVE exclusively by tokyo philharmonic. this is the movie of my dreams. or, hell, i’d have them shoot, in particular, the movie version of the fanfic i wrote when i was 14, adapting ocarina of time. this was my first ever fic so as you can imagine it was a complete bastardization full of OCs and character death and i will forever be sad it was lost to the sands of time. 

HOWEVER. that’s the short boring answer, and having adapted it myself i know that oot is a challenging game to put into a story that doesn’t involve audience interaction, because a great bulk of the game is spent inside dungeons where, strictly plotwise, Nothing Happens. also i don’t think that’s the movie nintendo would want to make, or allow me to make. i think nintendo would want a new story with a new link, just like they would for a new game, to make it accessible for people who have never touched a zelda game before. (i think, mistakenly, they would want to make the movie primarily for that audience, but more on that later.) i also think that with the major game movies lately there’s been a push for things to be Funny - detective pikachu and the sonic movies are all packed with jokes, and from the looks of it the mario movie, while hopefully less successful (chris pratt...die), will attempt to be too. i also know that nintendo has a habit of trying out really risky ideas that sound bad but then work out well in the execution (smash brothers, to name one humble example - the mario movie will be an exception to this). i ALSO know that the most popular zelda games by and far are oot and botw, so while this project would require a new story i (and hopefully this hypothetical nintendo) would want to draw from and reference those games the most.

so. here is the movie i think nintendo would make, or allow me to make, if they trusted me a lot and were willing to take a few risks with me. THIS IS SOOO LOOOONG LOL (i am not kidding this post is ~7500 words) unfortunately this has to behind a cut. nobody is obligated to read it, it’s fucking insane. it would never fit into a 2-hour movie experience without feeling rushed, but we can just pretend i’m a deft enough writer to make it happen and execute it perfectly. i am going to reiterate that NOBODY needs to read this, oh my god, but anyway, here goes nothing:

ZELDA THE MOVIE (LIZ EDITION)

does link talk?

FIRST THINGS FIRST. this is undoubtedly the biggest question in any zelda movie, right? link talking is weird and not who he is, but how can you have a movie where the main character does not speak? in old games it didn’t really matter that he didn’t talk, but i think botw did a great job in showing us he does talk a little, sometimes, when he has to, without us ever actually hearing him, and that he has Believable Reasons for usually choosing not to do so. so i’m gonna go with something like that - link CAN talk, but usually doesn’t, probably due to some backstory reasons. i think he could speak in the film, but maybe only once - 3 times max, and each time it’s only one sentence or phrase. VERY limited. words are a precious resource.

animated or live action?

i think the previous question’s answer actually takes care of this one. now i LOVE animation, 2D or cgi, so this is a really difficult one, but i think a true human performance will almost always be able to capture more nuance, and if you are going to have a protagonist that is mostly nonverbal, you NEED an actual actor to be making good informative faces. i could POSSIBLY accept an actor informing the animation of a virtual character, like they do for tlou and quantic dream games, but it’d have to be like, pre-rendered, and not generated “in-engine,” if that makes sense, just for quality purposes. i don’t want this movie to look like a video game, even a really nice looking video game - i want it to look like a movie. i think it makes it fresher for old fans and more accessible for new ones!

the score

for sure we need old zelda tunes for this; my biggest disappointment re: the sonic movies was that there wasn’t enough of that jammin’ sonic music in them. so for zelda i think it’d be fun to have someone from nintendo collab with someone from hollywood to make a mix of something that’s faithful to the games and evocative of decades of nostalgia but also FEELS like a movie score. like, koji kondo + hans zimmer or something. that soundtrack, assuming those stingy bastards ever sold it, would FLY off the metaphorical shelves. it’d be really fun too to maybe some really well-known, very skilled fan musicians put in a few of the covers! a video game movie is FOR the fans, so it makes perfect sense. like letting that one guy sing in the sega 30th anniversary concert. i’m not saying let seth evermann and toby fox and david erick ramos and brock hewitt and theophany have tracks in the movie, but like, let them have tracks in the movie?!?!

i also think mashups between modern and classic games would be fun. if you’ve never heard this one that combines the botw labyrinth/lost woods theme with zelda ii’s temple theme, you are missing out! please feel free to listen to it while you read this, because i would definitely use it or something very similar to it as a theme for a dungeon scene. for the opening titles we OF COURSE need oot's iconic title theme i will accept nothing less

slightly related, i think if we need to pick a particular direction for the soundtrack (the way botw’s was breathy and quiet and full of piano, or the way link’s awakening’s was quirky and cute), i’d pick a slight techno/edm direction, owing to the setting i have in mind (more on that in a minute), but something that could veer into the traditionally orchestrated as well. tbh the tron legacy soundtrack was sort of edm and orchestrated at the same time so maybe something like that??? now i’m just showing my bias LMAO

the cast + the audience

animated or live action, i actually have no idea who i’d cast - oot link was actually based off of leo dicaprio in titanic, but he’s way too old now and also that’d be weird. like i’m not the person to do fancasts bc i don’t follow any actors and the like (idris elba could make a great ganondorf though). but i think the smart thing to do for link and zelda would be to get someone extremely talented but largely unknown. so we look at them and see their characters, not their very famous actors who are bound to have the wrong connotation for SOMEBODY. that is very hard! but this is a fantasy, this is never going to happen, so we’ll assume nintendo, who still has me at gunpoint, will take my advice to spend their vast millions finding the perfect link and zelda. i know they are out there somewhere

“but what about attracting new audiences” WELL i touched on this earlier but maybe we need to chill with attempting to grub for new consumers! of course nintendo’s instinct is to get new butts in those seats and make them want to buy zelda games bc they have dollar signs in their eyes (yen signs?) and diehard fans will ALREADY keep buying every zelda ever made no matter what. i have paid for ocarina of time like 5 fucking times now and if they port the 3D version to switch i’ll fucking pay for it again and thank them while i do it! but that’s my point exactly. like, look at the sonic movies: they get mixed reviews from critics unfamiliar with the series but sonic FANS will go to war for them. the people who are gonna show up to midnight release and pay to see Theee Zelda Movie in theaters like 6 times before it releases to video/streaming are the people already fucking obsessed with zelda. i think for this project it would be crucial to strike a perfect, PERFECT balance. if the movie fucking sucks bc they were just trying to use it to sell games there won’t be a sequel. there won’t be rewatches. it’ll just go down as another lame cash cow. but if the movie doesn’t attract ANY new consumers there also...still won’t be a sequel, and it still won’t be regarded as a success. so.

i think we should make up the Fame Factor of the protagonists being nobodies by having the side characters voiced by some big names. if/when people like malon, impa, groose, the sages/champions/etc appear they could be played by famous people. i think it’d also be fun to get some cameos in there - have shigeru miyamoto, eiji aonuma, and charles martinet show up like stan lee in a marvel movie. zelda williams too if she’s comfortable with that! the more the merrier! get that star power in! make that $$$ so our corporate overlords allow us to make a sequel and also don’t fucking shoot me! and the biggest star of all should be...

the partner

if link is nonverbal, SOMEBODY in this joint needs to be delivering the dialogue. i know the lack of a partner was a big hit in botw, and it worked really well there, but while books and games can survive without dialogue it’s much harder for movies - that’s the main method of communicating information to your audience. a good nonverbal performance certainly helps with communicating information, as do clever camera shots and other techniques for dialogue-less storytelling, but in the end, for a mainstream movie, link would need SOMEONE to be his voice, that’s part of why he HAD partners for so many games. it’s an age-old technique in games with a voiceless protagonist to have other characters guess at or describe what they want to say to pass the idea along to us, so i think it could work very well in film too.

now i think nintendo would want to make a totally new partner, since there’s a new one for each of the games, and they would want to cast the Most famous person possible to get non zelda fans in those seats, but again, if i was in charge of this thing i would advise heavily against it. casting the most famous person they can afford is fine if it’s not chris pratt, but we need a character fans already know, and my gut instinct tells me it should either be navi or fi. 

now, hear me out, because i know BOTH are characters that kind of annoyed players initially due to frustrating gameplay mechanics, but the fanbase’s impression of their CHARACTERS in-universe has softened a good deal over time. i think how annoying they are could also be played for a little bit of comic relief/nostalgia, which is good since zelda is often quite serious in its plot, and this character would be onscreen nearly constantly, likely having the biggest speaking role, so you could drop that comic relief in whenever you liked. 

reasons it could be fi: connected to the master sword, has been with every iteration of link from the very beginning and can explain the reincarnation/cycle thing, good way to induce a call to action or whatever

reasons it could be navi: plays on the nostalgia of ocarina of time, the undisputed KING of “best zelda ever” until botw, she could be with link from BEFORE the movie starts and know him a little better, and even express desire to resist the call

being a 90s kid i am favorable to navi, but i think the plot could work with either of them. just not a new character!!!

the setting

i’m actually gonna take a little bit of risk with my setting here and suggest all those flirtations nintendo has had with adding urban elements and tech (and space invaders?!) to the legend of zelda become real. the sheikah tech in botw came VERY close, so it doesn’t seem like that much of a stretch to have link wandering around a tlou-like hyrule, one that used to resemble our own modern urban life, or maybe even something even more futuristic. 

and i say tlou-like because oh yeah i think this also needs to be post-apocalypse. this one is not at ALL a stretch - even before botw, we also had versions of hyrule that were destroyed and/or taken over by hostile forces in the original legend of zelda, a link to the past (dark world) & a link between worlds (lorule), oot (bad timeline), wind waker (got mcfucking flooded), minish cap (hostile takeover leaving statues behind), twilight princess (coup + twilight realm), not to mention majora’s mask being ABOUT an oncoming apocalypse, and of course we can’t forget koholint either. give settings like this or this or this or this some of that quirky hylian flare that only nintendo can do, add some monsters (more on this in a sec), and i think you’ve got a world that is both easily understandable by audiences unfamiliar with the series AND one that is both nostalgic and fresh for old fans - in the same way that botw’s hyrule was.

but i don’t think this is the ONLY hyrule we should see. this leads into (at last)...

the premise

i’m just gonna say it: time travel.

obviously not a stretch by any imagination, since THEEE zelda game of all time involved time travel and helped produce the finalized branching timeline as a result, but we don’t actually time travel too often outside of that...like i said, i want to draw a lot from oot! 

i also want to explore the cycle of reincarnation* introduced in skyward sword. skyward sword and botw are very exciting to me as a longtime fan because these are the first attempts we’ve seen at pulling the games all together and making an entire universe/connected story out of them instead of letting them just float around in the ether as a collection of stand-alones that sometimes have barely-connected sequels if they’re lucky. botw in a way felt like the first proper sequel we’ve ever REALLY had. 

*yes, it’s actually more complicated than simple reincarnation, since the zeldas are all technically separate people and ganondorf never dies, but i think it’s good shorthand and tbh i wouldn’t mind if we switched to “link and zelda are always reincarnated but ganondorf never dies” or “everybody is reincarnated” for the movie just to make it more digestible to the Masses - i feel like a relatively small portion of the main fanbase would complain, especially if the rest of the movie was good. using the same actress for zelda in every timeline is easy visual shorthand, similar to using the same actor for link, whether it’s animated or live-action. it’s just easier!! sorry, this may a bit unpopular to our hypothetical hardcore fans.

i’d also like to explore what it means to accept the call of destiny/call to action and to refuse it. i had an anon once (posts here, here, and here) who talked about playing botw as someone who’d never touched zelda before and they had a totally different experience than me and how they wanted to refuse to save the world, and there’s also this comic! and i think that's the craziest brainiest shit ever so of course i’d want it in my movie.

and finally, i know it’s partially because botw2 will never give us this, but i am chomping at the BIT for some good guy ganondorf content, especially since skyward sword basically told us he didn’t ask for it to be like this anymore than link and zelda did. a lot of fanon around botw2 rehydrated ganondorf has him having been really close friends with a link and zelda at some point before being overwhelmed by his curse, and i like that a lot. because then not only is he a formidable villain, but he’s also a villain with STAKES - we like him and we want him to be saved from himself, and the monster he becomes. 

anyway, what with multiple timelines/hyrules (termina and koholint etc are also fine, they’re still from link’s adventures), it would be cool if the “older” hyrules had more traditional music, and the tracks for modern hyrule were a little more slamming. that’s a little risky, though; might be better to just straight edm or orchestrate all of it without a split.

the plot

so, i’m not getting into the specifics of each scene or how it should go because at that point i’m outlining a fanfic i’ll never write, and i have at least three ideas for how any given major beat could play out anyway, so think of this as more of a general overview.

i thinking something like: link roams the urban apocalypse landscape on his lonesome (or with navi if that’s the partner character) hunting treasure in the ruins to sell and living off the land the way he does in botw. (maybe he has steampunk goggles lol.) he’s a friendly guy who tries to go out of his way to help people but he does not have a Purpose. i’m thinking an early scene where he tries to save some passerby from monsters** and lacks a proper weapon (his is rusted or gets broken), or maybe a bit where he gets caught by monsters while looking for treasure, and again his weapon breaks, and that can throw us into the action. then later he sells his treasure to a merchant, and the people around him can give exposition on why the world is like this (something to do with ganondorf, of course - i’m thinking similarly to botw, he fucked shit up bigtime before he got sealed away by zelda) and how hopeless everyone is that anything will ever get better. again, navi can be link’s voice during this part, if she is his partner - explaining he doesn’t talk much, answering questions on his behalf.

**i am very firm on this: we need either newly designed monsters for the movie (likely what nintendo would do) or a mix of the monsters from various games. i don’t want to ONLY use monsters from botw for example, because this isn’t the botw movie, it’s the zelda movie. (i’m already drawing SO much from botw i’d be reluctant to use any monsters from it at all that weren’t exclusive to that particular game.) so maybe the botw guardians, the oot redeads, the wind waker moblins, etc. i think a guardian would actually be a great first encounter because they’re fucking terrifying and the piano chime coming in would have an entire theater ready to jump right out of their seats!! anyway

i think link should maybe get a glimpse of the master sword during that adventure, or see it in a dream or whatever, and if fi is gonna be our partner she can lead him to it as she did before in the night, or he can go back looking for it, but either way the next thing he does is find the sword and pull it out of the stone. LEFT-HANDED. idgaf which hand the actor is dominant with. it’s a movie! act! i hate righty link >:( both the sword from the stone and the lefty link are CRUCIAL imagery.

ANYWAY, this is why i like navi being the partner character. i think fi could and would come out of the sword, and explain why the world is like this, and tell link what he must do to save it, and beckon link towards the call of adventure. but i also think that is a little bit boring and lacks narrative tension. i think it would be more fun to actually give navi a plotline where she wants to REFUSE the call, because it would conflict with link’s stubborn insistence on always doing the right thing.

let’s say this navi is THEEEEE same navi from ocarina of time, right? that she remembers all of that, and she remembers how ocarina of time is actually the saddest zelda game, and she had a good reason for leaving at the end. (the actual reason is that apparently she had romantic feelings towards link, but that’s weird and bad and i don’t like it, so i am ignoring it, since nintendo also won’t fess up to it on record.) and so now she just wants to hang out with link and keep him safe and happy or whatever. adventures are hard! they’re sad! link has to sacrifice and suffer every time he’s called to save the world! ganondorf is fine where he is, so why bother! (link would not know or remember any of this - obviously, he wouldn’t remember his past lives, but it’s very possible he doesn’t remember his own life before navi came to him either; maybe he was in whatever wrecked hyrule and slept for a hundred years like in botw, or maybe it was like this when he was born, but this is, crucially, all navi’s big secret to carry.)

fi could still come out of the sword as a minor character in this instance to argue with her, but eventually link would successfully be talked out of taking the sword and put it back in the pedestal - which makes the spirit of the sword, whether she is seen onscreen or not, rebel and send him back through time. i am undecided on whether it’s an illusion and he just goes back to relive his old memories or whether he actually for real time travels - there are pros and cons to both approaches! either way navi would go with him (unless fi is the partner character and then i suppose she could) because link does still need a voice!

this will now be a call to adventure more convincing than any possible sword spirit: a glimpse of what link’s missing. the hyrule he winds up in could be HIS hyrule with all the future-y stuff but before the apocalypse fucked it up. the sky is blue, the sun is out, there’s no monsters! i think it could have kind of a solarpunk vibe, honestly. familar landmarks we passed before are restored, people like the ones he maybe couldn’t save are walking around. but in order to get back home link has to find the master sword in this era and put it back in the pedestal of time (or something like that...details aren’t important), so he spends a little time here, and, most crucially, meets zelda.

zelda and ganondorf

i think this will probably be the most important 5 or 10 minutes of the movie. you know how at the beginning of “up” you’re like ready to start bawling from 10 minutes of content bc it was that good and meaningful? we gotta do it like that. i’m not sure what happens, if it should be like an actiony adventure scene or just them hanging out, but even if they span days or weeks or months in-universe we would have 10 minutes, i think, to make the audience absolutely fall head over heels in love with this girl. possibly this is the first time we hear link actually speak - the fact that he says three entire words in front of her is a sign she’s something really special. but our movie-goers need more than anything to really believe link would want to save her, that she’s not just some chick he’s saving because that’s what you do. i think the entire conflict of the movie would rest on this premise: navi representing the part of link that wants to refuse the call, and zelda representing the part of him that wants to answer it.

it might be a good idea to have link meet ganondorf here, too, but not see too much of him, because i also think it’s a good idea for him to witness the beginning of hyrule’s destruction. we’d be due for an action scene, and also it makes the instinct to jump in and fight stronger. but when link finds and touches the master sword again (or whatever) - bam. different time.

i am picturing a non-linear jump through multiple hyrules, in which link meets many familiar faces (this is where our cast can be star-studded if budget allows) and tours many familiar locations, all the while trying to solve the mystery of the disaster in his own time and how he can make it right. it’s even possible that he could flip back to his own hyrule here and there - it would depend on the logistics of the actual time traveling mechanic. what he finds out as he goes back and forth through these various hyrules is twofold: that he has prevented and healed great suffering, but also suffered deeply himself, which again adds to the long list of pros and cons of saving the world or letting it fend for itself.

in this section link also finds out about demise’s curse, and the cycle he and zelda and ganondorf are all trapped in. if the ten minute opener to Old Hyrule was meant to make our audience fall in love with zelda, i think this section should make them sympathize with ganondorf. i would like to show him doing good things and bad things - i want to see the half-feral freak from twilight princess and the remorseful noble antagonist from wind waker. i think it’d be really neat to have link thrown into a final battle at one point, since if ganondorf is a “good guy” it’s not likely it’ll happen any other way and i’d hate not to have one. and of course we’d also have to see demise - it’s important to show that ganondorf’s agency over his own actions was somewhat limited. it’s a gray area because he chose to do some of it but how much choice did he really have in any of it? a scene where he’s sort of fighting with himself would be really good, because in struggling to decide whether or not to enter back into the cycle and suffer to save the world AGAIN, link is struggling with himself too. or maybe something where he’s looking at the aftermath of what he’s done and is horrified and wants link to put him down? idk!! there’s so many ways it could go - even before demise’s curse was canon, wind waker ganondorf sort of painted a picture of a man who was backed into a corner by the unfairness of life, which is again something link and zelda are very familiar with.

and we definitely wouldn’t leave zelda out of these sections! the goddamn series is named after her. like i said, every zelda would be probably played by the same actress, and while it’s always nice to see her, it’s not the same as knowing the zelda we met first is safe and happy. we can get to know her and her own struggle with living up to her role of protecting the kingdom, we can see her interact with ganondorf, and she she can help link figure out how to get to the next hyrule and dodge enemies, but in the end, he always has to leave her behind, and he has yet to find out what happened to the first zelda he met, the one from “his” hyrule, before the apocalypse.

i think it is in this section that someone, zelda or ganondorf, expresses the hope that there’s a way to break demise’s curse so they can all rest. there should be some back and forth on this - it could be possible, it could be impossible - but i think there should be a glimmer of real hope beyond “surely there’s a way!” but no guarantee. i think the triforce would be a good way to accomplish this - its power is theoretically unlimited, but you’d have to unite it first, and the only one who usually does that is ganondorf, and because he’s cursed, it responds to his evil wishes with evil. so it’s theoretically possible but practically impossible, you know?

and okay, like, you’d think ganondorf would think it was pointless while zelda would hold out hope that it could still happen, but i think it’d be fun to actually subvert those expectations! i think for ganondorf, who arguably suffers the bleakest fate***, to have the most optimism, would endear him greatly to our hypothetical audience, and make them want to save him too.

***bro, at least link and zelda get to be heroes and people are glad to see them. ganondorf is hated and feared by all and he doesn’t even get to DIE. he always loses and even when he wins his reward is unchecked destruction. yikes.

the bad guy (not ganondorf!!)

i think in addition to needing to solve the puzzle of his and zelda’s and ganondorf’s incredibly complex histories, and the history of hyrule itself, link should also be running from something, to give the film urgency and action scenes. if ganondorf is the good guy, we need an antagonist and a threat. you know how in zelda ii, all the monsters want link’s blood because it could revive ganon? i think that would be a RAD callback, and also give a bad guy a reason to chase link through time - with his blood, they can unseal ganondorf. 

i have two candidates in mind for this. technically three, because the first candidate is twinrova/koume & kotake. they have the potential to be wickedly funny and pants-shittingly terrifying (they were both in ocarina of time, because they bicker but they also do scary mind control), they are ganondorf’s surrogate mothers, AND they have canonically tried to resurrect ganon(dorf) before. the other person it could be is dark link. dark link wouldn’t be as funny or as talkative as the witches, but he would be lots scarier and it would give link’s actor a chance to do a little vocal performance. (just because link doesn’t talk doesn’t mean his evil shadow can’t taunt him mercilessly.) these are both REALLY appealing to me, but if i had to choose, i’d go with dark link, because struggle with the self is a defining factor in this arc i am building. it’s also a good callback to zelda ii, where he first appeared, and where the “blood of link” plotline comes from. if we already have navi, i don’t think it’s fair to have another oot-specific character no matter how funny she/they would be.

so twinrova or dark link is heading up a monster posse chasing link through time, trying to draw his blood so they can go back to the present and unseal ganondorf. meanwhile link is hopping from era to era with navi trying to figure out what it is he’s supposed to see or know so he can get back home and maybe save everyone. i imagine he’s generally only one step ahead of the monsters, and i think it’d be fun if there was at least one early fight scene with dark link in which link gets his butt kicked and barely gets away, because it would be fun to have another one later where the results are reversed.

navi/the reveal

during the course of this adventure, i think it would be kind of fun if navi, like i said, KNEW what she needed to know, but kept trying to keep link from finding out, sabotaging his efforts to answer the call because she wants them to refuse it so badly. but it was never gonna work, because link can’t go home until he figures out how to go home. you know? 

so the very last hyrule link would go to is the much-beloved ocarina of time, where, unbeknownst to him, he and navi first met. we’ll say that maybe she left to figure out if there was a way to break the cycle, even though we never saw her find out about it in oot because it didn’t exist yet, and though she looked for thousands and thousands of years, she never found one, so eventually she decided to return to link. she was there the day the apocalypse started in “his” hyrule, and she saw that ganondorf went mad trying to resist what demise’s curse wanted him to do, and eventually snapped and idk torched everything. and that means she saw what happened after, and how he was sealed - zelda herself sealed him, just like she did in botw, and she’s stuck with him inside the remnants of hyrule castle. (is it still a castle if it’s all futuristic? maybe something like this or this or this except, you know, hylian.) she’s not conscious and suffering trying to hold him back the way she was in botw, i think they’re both just frozen in time or something, but nonetheless - the only way to free zelda is to also free ganondorf. 

and that would start the cycle anew, which is why navi tried so hard to let them just stay where they were. 

link learns other things about his life in oot’s hyrule, i think. this is veering into headcanon territory, but i always read oot’s link as an outcast; he’s stuck between two worlds, and in kokiri forest he was a bullied kid, and all but tossed out on his ass even after he saved them, and not recognized or welcomed upon his return because of how different he looked as an adult. and he also lacks a proper place in the world outside the forest; as a little kid, no one takes him seriously, and he has no family or adults to take care of him so that he might lead a normal life. people are usually glad to see link in oot after he becomes an adult because he’s rescuing them, but as a kid i feel like most of the time he’s told to buzz off and go play. 

anyway, since navi was a firsthand witness to this particular journey to save hyrule, i feel like you could definitely swing her reading of those events as “the world rejected link and only wanted him when they needed him.” i don’t think it’s true, and i don’t think link thinks it’s true, it’s obviously way more complex than that, but it’s a good way to show that in addition to link, zelda, & ganondorf suffering because of demise’s curse, the people who love them (navi, who in this case is standing in for us, the audience, who hopefully by now loves them very dearly) suffer along with them, and want to help ease their pain and regrets. “why would you want to save a world that doesn’t want you?” is a very good question, and it gets right to the heart of who link is as a person, in EVERY iteration: someone who cares deeply about others and wants to do the right thing.

and i think this might be the first break between link and navi’s partnership - he’d want to save zelda and hyrule, and she wouldn’t. and if she had told him about it honestly from the beginning it would have made a compelling argument, and part of him maybe wants to give it up just because he wants to spare her that pain, but the other part of him knows he can’t, and is hurt about being lied to and sabotaged, because he thought she was on his side. i think maybe they fight about it? inasmuch as you can fight with someone who doesn’t speak. (and see, if the partner character were fi, link would just have to be transported back to the apocalypse and watch zelda seal ganondorf herself. lame.)

the climax

BUT THEN. before they can finish fighting, before link can finish deciding what to do, dark link (or twinrova ig) & the monsters show up. i prefer dark link for this because he represents link’s struggle. link can’t save zelda and hyrule without going back into the cycle (and he’d have to fight ganondorf, who we like!). dark link also wants to restart the cycle but for the wrong reasons (he wants to bring back ganondorf with link’s blood). since he’s a bad guy, he makes navi’s suggestion of just leaving things as they are, which initially seems cold and selfish, look more reasonable by comparison.

so link and dark link would have to fight in oot’s hyrule (classic!), maybe in hyrule field with lots of rain, or the water temple, or perhaps an ever-shifting background like in final destination in smash bros yes i really said that. i think this is the “final boss battle” of this movie - this is an all-out fight with special effects and action and high stakes. it’s possible that link speaks in this battle because it’s a very important moment, possibly ironically to tell dark link to shut up. dark link could even put navi in a bottle or something, i don’t know. this is the reason i wanted an earlier fight with dark link (or again, possibly twinrova) where link got his ass beat, because it would establish him (them) as SCARY, and establish how badly things could go if link loses. 

i think for this fight, link would falter in the first half, not yet settled in what he wants to do, but eventually, navi would do something to help him out - warn him about a blow or take a blow or heal an injury - to show that she has finally accepted the call herself, she IS on his side no matter what that means, and that she’ll support whatever his decision is. when they fight together, they win handily, illustrating the newfound strength in their bond. 

the ending

finally, link goes back to his own hyrule, master sword in hand, free at last of dark link and his monsters (or who knows, maybe they are still chasing him and he only just got away again). navi could be with him, but if we wanted an awful cliffhanger, we could have her sacrifice herself to get link to where he needs to be, and now the enemy has her, and we don’t know if she’s okay. i think the ending scene might be more dramatic if link was alone, but it could go either way.

at this point i think fi could lead link back through the underground tunnels or wherever he is towards the ruins of the castle, similarly to how she may have led him to the sword - if fi isn’t in this at all, he could just have a feeling, a curiosity. but we see him walk through a cave much like the one in the botw2 trailer, and maybe some soundbytes from earlier in the movie play - lines about how there MUST be a way to stop the cycle break the curse, and lines about what a bad idea it would be to try. this is why i think navi might need to be absent here; link alone should make the choice, not influenced by anyone else, and soundbytes are a good way to show that he’s still struggling with this decision.

and he goes on and on, and the tunnels get darker and darker, more and more destroyed, and he has to shine a flashlight, and he looks just like he did at the start of the film when he was hunting treasure or whatever, but this time he’s alone. 

his flashlight beam maybe like falls across ganondorf’s snarling face, suspended in time, for a little jumpscare. a wider sweep reveals he’s found zelda too at last. the triforces on their hands are glowing, they’re locked in battle, it’s sad and scary. there is something like desperation in zelda’s eyes, but in ganondorf’s too. all three of them are all trapped in a moment in time, reliving it over and over, and they can’t get out. and link looks at them, and his little soundbytes play, and then he has to decide if one tiny impossible hope for breaking demise’s curse is worth accepting the risk of so much pain and suffering for all three of them, and more people besides.

close in on link’s bloody hand white-knuckling the sword. the triforce of courage is flickering to life on his own hand, because he is considering making the most courageous choice of all, to face down his fear of the oncoming suffering to fight for who he loves, for what is right. but he opens his hand, drops his weapon, and it flickers out. and you think, yeah, okay, he’s giving up navi asked him to, right?

then link lifts his hand, still bleeding, so close he could touch ganondorf and undo the seal at last, and the triforce blazes to life--

and we roll those motherfucking credits.

the midcredits scene/sequel hooks

zelda is such a complex series that it seems nearly impossible to sum up the entire thing in one movie. i’m sure in real life even the most skilled of editing couldn’t cut this concept down to an acceptable movie time without something feeling rushed. but we definitely don’t have time to set up the problem AND give it a satisfying resolution, hence the cliffhanger. 

after the initial animated cool credits, i think we’d need an epilogue scene. i am thinking something like, maybe we had a fakeout and thought navi and dark link were both dead and/or beyond link’s reach, but then we pan back to the battlefield and see that oh my god, navi’s okay! but whoops, so is dark link. he puts her back in a bottle or something and does a cool villain laugh and navi is like WHATS SO FUNNY and he’s like HAHAHAHAHA MY MASTER LIVES to confirm that link did indeed wake the slumbering beast

things the sequel would need to address: getting navi back (link looking for navi is a great callback to majora’s mask), fighting dark link again maybe, what happens when ganondorf, who has already gone evil this time, wakes up, how to save zelda from ganondorf, how to save hyrule, and of course, how to break the curse (whether or not it’s possible with the power of the triforce, and how it will go now that link got his piece). a sequel movie probably wouldn’t feature the same wide array of characters and settings as the first, but with the benefit of developed characters and plot that’s already been set up, it could tell a more satisfying story without having to rely on nostalgia and fight scenes for as much of its fun. it would also be a great chance to explore the futuristic hyrule which we wouldn’t have gotten to see as much of in movie #1

with all that potential, if i somehow managed to pull off that first movie, nintendo would SURELY greenlight a sequel in which link finally faces his greatest foe of all: not ganon, but destiny itself. not even the games have done that so it would be perhaps fucking AWESOME. but it's also quite likely that nintendo now regrets kidnapping me lmao

in conclusion/tl;dr

a perfect zelda movie needs classic zelda music, a nonverbal link + a funny partner, and lots of cameos. it has to strike a good balance with old and new fans and save the star-studded cast for the side-characters, not the main ones. it also needs to leave room for a sequel!! the most important plot point would be breaking link, zelda, and ganondorf out of their curse, because i am OBSESSED with that. obviously the games can never do it bc then there’s no more games, and nobody wants that, but if you’re going to change mediums, you can use that medium to what it is uniquely suited for - a showdown that is ultimate and final. there only need to be two zelda movies (MAYBE three if people just want a trilogy, but idk how you could possibly stretch it), which means they get to have something the games never could: an ending.

THANK YOU!!!! for coming to my motherfucking ted talk.

[thegeminisage]

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: GAME SORTER

this tool will help you rank Zelda games from favorite to least favorite! pictured above: one of many agonizing choices, and also a pretty wallpaper i made when i was a teenager to better capture your attention.

a few notes:

this tool WILL NOT OPEN in the app. you have to go to thegeminisage.tumblr.com/lozgamesorter IN A WEB BROWSER!!

if you’re choosing between two games you haven’t played, choosing “i’ve played neither” will naturally list all of those games at the bottom, leaving your rankings intact. on the flip-side, choosing “i like both” too many times will muddy up your numbers.

this tool DOES include the “non-canon” games & spin-offs such as cadence of hyrule, link’s crossbow training, etc

this tool does NOT include the games that were only released in japan (so, mostly the tingle series)

obviously i also did not include the cgi games (what cgi games?) because everyone would probably list them at the bottom/as unplayed anyway

and finally, this tool does NOT differentiate between the original and the re-releases/remakes/ports/collections/etc because that’s entirely too much quibbling & sorting for what are usually only very minor and/or cosmetic differences

i didn’t make this script but the source for it is at the link

here’s mine for anyone curious

please feel free to add your rankings if you want <3

[thegeminisage]

valuable things i spent my time on in legend of zelda: breath of the wild

figuring out bolson and karson are gay

EVIDENCE IS AS FOLLOWS:

we don’t even need to talk about bolson. look at him:

the voice snippets, the way he refers to other men as baby, how excited he gets if you talk to him without armor on, the fact that he says he wants a “spouse” instead of a “wife,” the tiger striped collar matched with the pink leggings...there is nothing about this man that does not scream CAMP GAY. moving on...

karson, his coworker (subordinate? karson refers to bolson as “boss”), could just be an Ally. however, i followed them home one evening to see which houses belong to them and to my SHOCK they both walked into the SAME house

if spoken to during the day, after the tarrey town quests are finished, karson will also remark on his former coworker hudson’s “chiseled physique,” claiming it’s the only possible reason he could think of that anyone would have married him

granted, karson and bolson’s house DOES have two beds, but i stood in their bedroom ALL NIGHT and they didn’t lie down once. they just stood there. and stared at me. waiting for me to leave. 

so they could be alone together.

this rests my case, your honor

[thegeminisage]

I just bought a switch after playing my brothers for ages. I’ve been putting off buying botw because I’ll have to start it over, but you’re making me want to! The thing that always got me was the meta sense of people living peacefully on the edge of the end of the world. Going about their lives and jobs and errands as just down the way a castle is consumed with shadows and shit. I never played loz before botw so I got to play it as an amnesiac hero who refuses the call and discovers his

sense of self as a tundra prime meat hunter and seller, and general explorer-chef who often does some of the neat puzzles that are lying around, meets the local magic fauna and tries to ride every living creature from bear to dragon to spirit horse. That was a wild way to play it. As someone avoiding the call because it’s a person they have no connection to being, but being hit with that person’s memories as you reforge yourself. Meeting folks COULD do something for. The GUILT! The identity!

GOD FUCK I LOVE THAT wait i fucking love that i love this take this is actually the most galaxy brain thing i’ve ever heard

firstly like, the dissonance of the apocalypse looming and these people just living their lives and doing their shit - this didn’t Hit properly when this game first came out bc obama had only been out of office for a month and change but now...there’s like a pandemic and everything else happening and what am i doing? going to work and playing video games, which is the same thing i was doing when it wasn’t the end of the world. sure, i can see the castle being consumed by darkness on the edge of the horizon at all times, but what am i supposed to do about that? the average hylian citizen is too afraid to venture away from the settlements because they’re not capable of fending off your basic bokoblin, they can’t do anything about the calamity! what they can do is make sure they’ve got enough fish in their net to feed their family and get a head start on pumpkin-growing season this year.

like, one of the first npcs you can meet on the bridge on the way to kakariko will tell you a story about how a guardian nearly killed him once, and how he keeps an eye on the broken one near his post to make sure it doesn’t move. and that’s fucking horrifying but like it’s just life, yk? sometimes you get chased around by giant mechanical horrors with death rays! it happens! life’s full of little surprises and dangerous places.

secondly, the lack of context re: zelda as a whole is SUUUUCH a cool and good pov...in a way you’re living exactly the same as everybody else, because almost none of them are old enough to remember hyrule proper either, they’ve only heard stories. even i, who have loved the series all my life, was more interested in exploring than finishing the mission. the meta of that is so neat - that you, and by extension link, do not want to answer the call because it means nothing to you, because you’re a stranger in this world and it is a stranger to you...but, by extent, maybe the more time you/he spends in it, the more you/he wants to save it?? 

meanwhile, it was different for me - i knew how the world was supposed to be but i couldn’t “remember” (didn’t know) just how it GOT this way, and i was so driven, from the moment the trailers first dropped, to find the answer. and i fuckin LOOOOVE that on a meta level, that your experience and mine with botw were entirely different not because we played different but because of different levels of contexts. that’s maybe one of the coolest things about gaming is that huge level of interactivity not just physically but mentally and emotionally!!!

anyway god sorry i’ve gone on long enough but i do really hope you finish/restart it...i was reluctant too for a long time bc i’m also losing all the progress i made on wii u, i was SOOO CLOSE to having all my shooting stars and outfits upgraded, i’m gonna have to pay real cash money to buy the dlc again, etc...but it’s been really cool to get to explore the world all over again. and more importantly, no spoilers but the world doesn’t go away just because you save it - it’ll put you back before that last battle and you can keep playing on your file as much as you want!! 

plus, you gotta be ready to enjoy botw2 whenever that happens :’)

[thegeminisage]

the master sword in botw has me fucked up like...that it literally takes a certain amount of hearts to be able to pull it up?? hello???

when link touches it and gets that flashback that’s like firstly finally some good fucking food. secondly the very subtle implication that it is difficult to remember?? like when he recovers the memories from the photos, and when he touches the sword, he gasps like he’s hurt. and there are a lot of ways to interpret that i guess - you could say it’s surprise or emotion - BUT. 

i like to imagine it’s grief. if you don’t know zelda you can’t miss her. if you have no memory of hyrule then you can’t mourn it. but to remember anyone or anything from link’s past is to remember that it’s all gone. aside from a small handful of zoras and sheikah people, no one who even knew link, let alone the very few people he was close to, is still alive. everyone died, because he and everyone he knew failed. and the world he lived in and died to protect is in LITERAL ruins. every single moment he claws back from the abyss is something he’s already lost. when you meet mipha, daruk, revali, and urbosa in the game, no matter how much you like them, to learn of their existence is to know they’re already dead.

the sheikah slate memories are something that you can like...almost imagine link stumbles into, but pulling the sword from the stone is something the deliberate. he knows it’s gonna hurt, LITERALLY, and he does it anyway (you do it, but go with me here). and i’m not being very coherent but it’s like...the acceptance of the call. the arc where he might not want to remember because he’s not ready to grieve but then he accepts the pain from pulling the sword, the physical pain, the blow to his life force, and also the emotional pain of failure and just devastating personal loss. because there is one person from his past who isn’t dead yet and she still needs him? there are people alive who still need him? and the way this game characterizes link (and i love that, i love that he has a CANON CHARACTER), that would be enough for him - to save them, and to, if he’s lucky, see her again

[thegeminisage]

okay hey hi i’m going nuts about zelda, specifically: oot link being in twilight princess

when twilight princess came out the hyrule historia had not been invented yet and so the hero’s shade was “probably some past version of link but we don’t have direct confirmation of that.” i played that game FIVE TIMES twice on gcn three times on wii and i NEVER KNEW

cause after hyrule historia they confirmed that not only was it a past link, it was specifically oot link, but that was after all my tp playthrus

anyway it makes me CRAZY because he looks like a skeleton in busted up armor now right? and so the two main prevailing theories are: either he died in battle, OR he tried to go back to the lost woods without his fairy and thusly became a stalfos. OR he was wounded mortally in battle and decided to try, in vain, one last time, to return home, even though he knew it wouldn’t work (there are vines and leaves growing on his armor so like...)

canonically, the hero’s shade had descendants, but he implies he wasn’t able to teach them the ways of a hero, which means he either died young or they were all assholes. tp link is of his bloodline though and iirc in the japanese version of the game he refers to tp link as “son” so he probably just died young

and it’s like. so fucked. because there’s this idea that link in ocarina of time and in majora’s mask played the role of a healer. like, people say zelda games are about sorrow, which is half the truth - they’re also about catharsis. and so link heals all these people and eases their regrets and even cleanses nature but he takes that suffering unto himself

and the fact that he never got to go home and never got to bond with his kids and never found navi and died either alone in the woods or in battle or both is like...please...he has suffered so much...he is the Most important...why couldn’t you give him a happy ending

but i think it’s also poetic, if a little sad, that the NEW link is the one to ease the old link’s regrets...that this role of taking on the suffering for the greater good as been passed along and oot link can lay down the burden at last, but now tp link is doomed to live that same life of sorrow?? and if you go way back, it’s all bc of demise’s curse, the curse of reincarnation and repetition of the cycle...god it makes me CRAZY

also i like an adult timeline where link stayed and went down trying to save hyrule during the flood and that basically makes ww link and tp link au versions of each other, reme/rome timeline, yet STILL both fighting the SAME ganondorf from oot...the SAME ONE!!! that makes me CRAZY! the continuity!!!

also in tp if the scene where ganondorf gets put on trial and kills a sage takes place just a few years after oot then wouldn’t he have killed ruto?? hello???? bad timeline BAD TIMELINE how is the timeline where the earth DOESN’T get flooded somehow the WORSE one??? ARE THEY BOTH THE BAD TIMELINE is the timeline where link dies in oot the real good timeline? why does all of this lead to so much suffering for oot link? i’m gonna lose my mind

[thegeminisage]

tonight im going nutty thinking about the young ganondorf we see very briefly in cadence of hyrule. i love it for many reasons, but primarily because we don’t see his face. not only does the whole thing (pose, organ, etc) calls back to that iconic shot in ocarina of time but since we know him so well as that threatening and malicious presence there’s also something a little UNknowable about him before he Becomes

like, he doesn’t have the time of day for link/zelda/cadence/whoever. he doesn’t know or care that he just let his (im)mortal enemy of the ages walk away. he’s not the great calamity. he’s not a monster. he’s not even a king. he’s just a guy with waaaay too many female relatives, plucking away at his organ and dreaming of a day when he might be more..............powerful