#lmao like a child i cried so hard i tired myself out lol

[lesbianjudasiscariot]

[izzy-b-hands]

15 QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

Tagged by @sherlockig, thank u Alexz!!

Under the cut bc I got wordy and rambly as per usual lol.

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Kind of? In that I more or less named myself after Izzy from our flag lol. Not that I'm going to tell everyone I meet that, but it is a big part of why I stuck with it after trying it out (that, and I've always wanted a name that had the letter zed in it, silly as that may seem.)

One of my middle names (that I had been using as a first name for a few years) is after my grandfather and aunt who also have that name as their middle name.

My deadname was after an actress famous in the 90s (tho tbh my mum apparently didn't choose it for that, she chose it bc she didn't find out my gender until I was Out and then was like 'aw fuck I don't have a name for this situation' and went with the first one she saw in a book of names a nurse gave her. It was only after that she remembered the actress when I was like. 4. that she changed and started telling ppl it was after that instead.)

And technically Holden is after the book character, but mum never actually read that book (and after I described it to her, said she has no interest in doing so lmao), she just liked how the name sounded and that was the one solitary name she for sure had on hand when I was born apparently. Could have saved us all time had she just used that one for me anyway!

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Couple of nights ago. I'm doing better abt missing my cat Nisha, but my phone will toss up compilations of pics of her to mark the year/month/etc and sometimes those still get me. It popped up just before I went to bed that night and I was already so tired that I just. broke down. Bc I know she's v loved and looked after w/my mum, but I do miss her goofy lil self a lot. She was my first cat that was given to me and meant to be mine alone, and there's something abt that first pet bond I guess.

3. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Nope, and it's not a likely thing for me. I've said before that that happening would be in a very specific situation, wherein I'm with someone who wants to dedicate the rest of our lives to raising a child, or god forbid more than one, tho I think I'd max out at two if I managed one at all tbh (and that's not even getting into the very complex for me thing of would I want to actually be pregnant ever (probably not, absolutely terrified of dying in childbirth and don't see myself getting over that easily), we have the funds to make that happen (and give the kid a good life, not just a decent one or 'could have been worse' like my own), and we feel stable mentally, emotionally, and physically (as much as one can outside of Life Happening of course) bc having a kid means putting allll of that first for them, ahead of yourself. Or at least I think it should mean that lol.

But that situation is incredibly unlikely considering my bigger goal in life is to wind up being a third for multiple couples while also fucking any of my friends who are down for it in a big poly ENM sort of thing for lack of better/more detailed definition (I know it sounds unrealistic and maybe it is to a degree, almost definitely is lol.)

I can admit I just. don't want to uproot the life I've been trying so hard to build for myself in so many ways, to have kids. I'll happily help babysit the kids of any friends tho and be the fun uncle that buys them junk food and lets them stay up late to watch movies. I think that's about the level of parenting of any kind that I can handle for now (also tbh I burned out on parenting bc my family admits they parentified the fuck outta me with my three younger cousins. It by far could have been worse, but I spent my teens spending most of my days after school helping look after them from the newborn years and on. Unless my above uber specific scenario happens, then I've probably had my fill of parenting for my lifetime.)

4. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

I played volleyball for a few years in elementary school, and we were made to participate in a multi-school track and field thing for most of middle school every year, but I was never amazing at them. Housemate and I have figured out I likely have undiagnosed asthma tho (turns out running or going out in too cold or hot weather shouldn't instantly make you gasp, struggle to breathe, and make you taste iron in your mouth, who the fuck knew? Not me, genuinely) so I think that might have a lot to do with it.

I also enjoy tennis and badminton and would love to try rugby, but I've never played any of those beyond a hobby with family/friends.

5. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

I do! Probably too much and not always in the best situations, but I've been working for years to hone when and where it should be used so I think/hope I'm a lot better with it than I was when I was younger. Tho even then, I did get adults who found it funny when I was sarcastic bc of how adult I seemed to a lot of them (their words, not mine lmao.)

6. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

I genuinely don't know. Usually I'm too busy running my script for meeting new ppl in my head and trying to maintain Common and Expected Etiquette to really notice much right away. I have found that after a bit of time/after the initial meeting has passed, I tend to notice colours ppl wear more often than others if I see them often enough, or hair colour. But I don't know if it counts towards this question at that point lol.

7. WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Kinda blueish grey? Some ppl say it's too grey to be blue, others that it's too blue to be grey. I had a lady at the ND DOT freak out abt not being sure if I should have blue or grey on my ID a few years back, and she finally just told me to put blue so 'she could stop feeling so confused.' Was a weird day and the first time I realised apparently they really do have a blend of both colours, enough for it to be upsetting lmao.

8. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

I can't choose between the two; I like both! I also like mixing them together when I write (a scary story with a happy ending, an ending that seems happy but is actually terrifying, so on and so forth.)

9. ANY TALENTS?

Writing? Maybe, I always list it bc it's something I know how to do and to (usually) do decently well. I can sort of draw? But not well enough that I think 'talented' would be accurate to describe how I draw lol. I'm not sure of anything else off the top of my head tbh.

10. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

In California, USA! We were there bc dad was in basic training for the Marines and then just got stuck at Camp Pendleton for years lmao (or that's how he always talks abt it anyway lmao.) Only was actually there until either: a. I was 3 months old, b. I was 6 months old or c. I was actually basically still a fresh newborn. Depends on whether you're talking to my dad, mum, or grandparents as to which answer you get, and at this point I'm genuinely uncertain as to exactly when mum left and took me to North Dakota but 6 months seems the most potentially accurate lmaooo.

11. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Writing, drawing, reading (not enough but I'm trying to remedy that), napping, watching movies/fave shows, and giffing.

12. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Kind of? My cat Nisha had to stay in North Dakota after I moved, so my mum and her bf are looking after her now (and got her a little sister, a kitten who is getting so big already!, named Bella.) I help Housemate look after aer two cats as well, and I'd like to think the boys consider me like their fun uncle lol (aka I bend over backwards for them and let them steal my spot on the couch all the time, and will break out the treats if needed to corral them now and then. In my defense: they are the cutest lil baby boy cats and they deserve the world, even when they're being little gremlins lmao.)

13. HOW TALL ARE YOU?

Approximately somewhere between 5'3 and 5'4ish? I can't recall the last time I was actually measured, and most of the ppl I've been around were somewhere between those heights and I'm usually either slightly shorter or slightly taller than some of them, so??? I put 5'3 on my ID tho lol

14. FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

English bc it was easy and I liked almost everything we did in that class. All my general and more specific history courses were a close second, and my foreign language classes a close third.

15. DREAM JOB?

Ideally, I'd love to not have to work. But who wouldn't, so that said, probably something in a library or museum. I'd love to be a library page again, or help work the front desk/docent duties of a museum. Working at someplace like Mystic Seaport would be amazing too; I'd be happy to learn how to help repair/repaint ships that come in or just help do tours or look after artifacts and stuff (tbh they could hire me just to type up any random data entry work they need done for any/all depts and I'd say yes to the job offer lol.) Unfortunately there's fairly significant roadblocks to me achieving any of these jobs rn, but I like to keep them in mind, just in case.

Also, if I can have one dream job that would be even more unlikely and is slightly TMI probably but: paid third for a rich couple. I show up, look nice, [redacted], make sure they're both good for the night, then go back home to Housemate (if it wouldn't be a night they'd want me to stay over, which I wouldn't be against but also. That would require some overtime pay lol.) The chances of this one are...so unlikely it's stupid funny, but a man's allowed to have dreams right lmao?

Tagging (if u guys wanna, no obligation if u don't wanna/have already been tagged/etc!!): @starmoonchildfromthebeamsabove, @freebooter4ever, @willowenigma, @turtleduck-tales, @mash1972, @mysteriouslybluepirate, @turtles-on-turts, @cononeillbreastingboobily, @treesofgreen, @dianetastesmetal, @arsenicflame, @gydima, @king-bussy, @p0ochy, @crvwly, and anyone else following me who wants to!

[couches]

plz don’t talk to me about this post

damn when was the last time i made a post. LMAO this shit looks bad on desktop holy fuck

just checking in. i’m doing bad.

i have a place i do my journaling but i don’t know why i wanted this post to go out to more than just the void. i feel like i’ve needed a win for like the past few months and i just have not gotten one. not to say nothing good is going on in my life because the same things that have always been going well (my relationship, my friends, my parents’ health, my job, my dog) are doing really well. my mental health has just been doing really terribly and it’s been so difficult to focus on the good. you may remember bpd as the adhd or autism of the 2010′s and ya girl is still eating shit daily. 

the holidays are always tough for me, and things somehow went worse than i expected this year. i’ve been really missing camille even though i see her more frequently than ever, it’s just been hard being this far into our relationship and comparing it to my friends who get to spend the holidays together or who have normal families who are accepting and excited about their child’s s/o. i always feel lonely during christmas but i felt even lonelier still feeling so far away from being able to spend holidays or any happy days with the person i love and who i’m spending the rest of my life with. it just really, really hurts sometimes. (all the time) 

i don’t even really want to talk about my brother being annoying because that’s just the status quo. he cussed at me when we were in the car and i actually had to breathe deeply because my anger was actually about to get out of control LOL. i just had to stay quiet and breathe. and then when i got home i just stayed in my room and cried. and then i was thinking about camille’s sisters and how horrible they are to her and it made me cry more. [putting this vaguely cuz i don’t wanna divulge her family info in my own post] i’m glad things are resolved for the sake of her peace but i still have so much anger in my heart about it and i think hearing about it on the same day where i already was feeling so angry and hurt and alone just made me even more upset. i just can’t believe it’s been a month of them (especially the younger one) ignoring her and acting like she’s a ghost in their house. she didn’t even look up to acknowledge me when i visited and that was enough to make me pissed off and i don’t even give a fuck because she’s not my sister so imagine how much it would hurt if she was. i just feel really disturbed by the whole thing and i don’t ever want to be in the same space as them again, still. 

i just couldn’t stop crying last night because i felt really frustrated about feeling anger and hatred LOL. believe it or not... i hate feeling that way! and i just feel really consumed by my anger these days. i feel like i used to be such a happy and forgiving and kind person and now i look in the mirror and i don’t even see that. i see someone who is bitter and angry all the time. i know it’s because i’ve become more passionate about injustice, personally and globally, but sometimes i just feel so tired. i feel like no one else shares my pain and i’m wrong. i feel crazy. even though my therapist always tells me i’m not and always tells me that how i feel makes sense. i just feel like i’m crazy and i’m screaming at the top of my lungs and no one can hear me. but then when people do hear me i feel like i have to minimize myself and what i’m feeling because i don’t want to share this burden. the burden of not knowing what the fuck is wrong with me!!!!! 

i saw this quote that was saying like, is the real you the one who did that horrible thing, or the one who feels awful about the horrible thing you did? and i know that i am forever a compassionate person who can accept my mistakes and flaws and who knows that radical love and empathy is the key to growth and joy. but i just can’t stop being consumed by my feelings these days. i know i can’t help how i feel but i can help how i react. but god it’s so hard... 

i don’t mean this in a derogatory way toward myself, but it’s crazy that i’m 25 still making posts the same way i did when i was 15. just depressed, confused, hating myself, and on tumblr.

[seunqs]

[ a long get to know me tag ]

tagged by: losers @woosohn @yeonjuins

what day is your birthday?

27th june! it’ll be on a monday next year

what’s your favourite colour?

blue! a rather specific shade of light sky blue but i also like dark blue! might be misleading because everyone would think beige/black since that’s the aesthetic i like + almost everything i own is black...

what’s your lucky number?

i don’t have one i think but i tend to say 7 if i’m asked?

do you have any pets?

sadly no >:( will get one in the future idc idc

how tall are you?

158cm tiny i wna be abit taller

how many pairs of shoes do you own?

off my head i think 3 pairs...? just 2 black and 1 white that i rotate depending on the outfit i’m wearing

favorite song?

asdjekw i don’t think i have one specific one but recently i’ve been listening to maniac by nct doyoung & haechan!

other honourable mentions: a book of love by ha hyunsang, wide eyed blind by saint raymond, irreplaceable by nct dream, lmly by jackson wang. that’s all i have off my head

favorite movie?

surprisingly i’m not big on movies... but i’ll always answer parent trap when someone asks! why do i sound like i always have prepared answers in my head for various questions... okay that’s bc i do.

what would be your ideal partner?

@june look away i already know you’re gna say this sounds a lot like someone..

shy... is the main characteristics lmao idky it’s not even like i’m outgoing but i tend to find myself liking shy-er boys over the outgoing ones! aaa those with very obvious leadership qualities and quietly cares and looks out for those around them :’) tsundere! i think shy may appear cold sometimes but i’m rly :’) when the shy ones become very affectionate in private or when you get to know them better :’) or shy with strangers but very goofy and silly with their closer social circle heh those that are more cat-like than dog-like, only approaches you when they’re comfy. okay also shy but willing to speak up when necessary! doesn’t let themselves get bullied for being quiet and also pls speak up for me i hate ordering food pls do it for me HAHAHHA also if they’re passionate about something they like/are good at! good listeners too heh doesn’t need to always have the best advice, just if they would sit with me silently and listen to me and give me a hug afterwards :’’’’’) i think i’m on the touchier side too so if they don’t dislike that it’ll be nice! OH someone who’s good at cooking too bc i hate cooking and the kitchen in general.. i’ll do the dishes though HAHAHAH ok that is all there is a certain idol in my head that is the embodiment of my ideal type and i hate him >:(

do you want children?

no... not so much bc i don’t find them cute or i can’t handle them but i think it’s a commitment that scares me! bringing up the child well with the right character and values ajksdbwkje i don’t know if i’m up to that HAHAHAH

have you gotten in trouble with the law?

nope @woosohn @yeonjuins pls be proud of my direct no why are the two of you......... 

bath or shower?

shower! i don’t know if i’ve actually taken a bath before... probably when i was younger HAHAH i think i’ll get bored in the bath and i much rather be relaxing in bed than in the tub

what color socks are you wearing?

barefoot at the moment! the socks i own are mostly solid colour socks / simple cartoon or animal patterns but all ankle socks that can’t be seen with my shoes

favorite type of music?

i listen to pop, r&b and indie! that’s about all and favourite depends on the mood!

how many pillows do you sleep with?

just 1! and a bolster too

what position do you sleep in?

either on my back with hand over my head lmao or turned to either sides while hugging my bolster and face buried into the bolster

what you don’t like when you’re sleeping?

when it’s too hot! canNOT sleep if the weather is too hot. also if i get woken up rudely, by screaming or someone smacking me awake LMAO just tell me nicely to get up and i’ll be out of bed in 10mins pls give me awhile my brain is turning on HAHAHA

what do you have for breakfast?

recently i haven’t woken up early enough for bfast or my family is just about to go out to buy lunch by the time i’m up hahaha but on the days that i’m alive for bfast, iced coffee and any pastry sitting in the fridge! my family is big on pastries like croissants and cakes like banana and carrot cakes! so one of those but the iced coffee is a constant in my first meal of the day

have you ever tried archery?

nope and idt i’ll be good at it tbh....

favorite fruit?

strawberries, apples, peaches! there are some seasonal favs where i rly like them for a period of time and then suddenly not anymore but these 3 are the constants

favorite swear word?

hahahaha i dont think i have a favourite one..... but i say tf a lot and mf for kpop boys who make me more flustered than they should

do you have any scars?

i don’t think so! i have a few stretch marks around my waist and tummy tho 

are you a good liar?

yes... HAHAH i used to get scolded so much for lying as a kid lmfao

what’s your personality type?

isfj-t has probably only dipped to isfp-t once but if not constant isfj!

what’s your favorite type of girl?

HAHAHAH uh.... okay with all kinds i think? except people in general who try too hard

innie or outie?

innie. was this question necessary tho AHHAHAHA

left or right-handed?

right-handed

favorite food?

ramen! but i like lots of food lmfao tiramisu, pork belly, lots of noodles, also lots of rice, beef, cakes, ice cream, i think i’m more salty > sweet!

favorite foreign food?

japanese ramen, korean cuisine!, lasagne

are you clean or messy?

clean

most used phrase?

i think alot of keyboard smashes, lmao, wtf, HAHAHAHHAHA, sigh, i’m tired LOL

how long does it take for you to get ready?

depends! fastest i think i can get out of the house 20mins after i’ve woken up. longest probably an hour where outfit is taking a while and accessories needs to be chosen

do you talk to yourself?

in my head yes.

do you sing to yourself?

not often but i sing out loud for the family to hear LOL in my head very often a song is playing up there

are you a good singer?

nop. i don’t think i’m a BAD singer but wouldn’t classify as good either HAHHAHA

biggest fear?

wow so many things but i think biggest is complete darkness, i need to see and know what is going on around me. i sleep with a night light on heh 

are you a gossip?

with closer friends yes def HAHAH my school culture tends to have lots of tea that my friends and i don’t like to get too involved in but we do talk about the gossips that goes around hahaha have also been in the center of gossip way too often

do you like long or short hair?

long! can’t imagine myself with short hair.. used to have reallllyyy long hair that goes beyond my waist and cried when i cut it to slightly below shoulder length. that’s the shortest i’ll ever go

favourite school subject?

wow nothing i don’t like school lmfao but humanities and language are way more bearable than math and sciences

extrovert or introvert?

introverted

what makes you nervous?

unpredictable situations, being alone in public (contradictory because in private i would strongly prefer to be alone but i don’t enjoy being alone in public i feel judged HAHAHA), also currently waiting on a reply for something and that’s been keeping me anxious the past 2 days :’)

who was your first real crush?

when i was 13/14, tablemate in school that was kinda shy and had very limited social circle but talked to me endlessly in class lmfao he apparently liked me too but we never dated and went to different schools at 16 y/o. we’re still kinda in touch though! we talked quite a fair bit last month just catching up but he’s more of an acquaintance now

how many piercings do you have?

2! just one normal lobe piercing on either ears, don’t think i’ll get anymore

how fast can you run?

back in school i used to be one of the fastest girls in my class LMFAO i could clock 12.5 minutes for a 2.4km run. stamina came from dancing since i had to run laps before dance class 2 times a week. but that is long in the past and now i get tired from climbing more than 4 flights of stairs pls spare me

what color is your hair?

naturally black but dyed brown! my hair has grown quite abit since i dyed it though now its black at the top and brown from above my ears onwards

what color are your eyes?

a very dark brown lmfao almost black

what makes you angry?

irresponsible people. just pushing responsibility to others or avoiding their responsibilities. don’t need you to do a good job with your responsibilities, just don’t make your issues my issues. and if its a shared responsibility like group projects, then do your part to contribute and don’t expect others to cover you

selfish people, in many ways. just being self-centred, not caring about how others feel, doing things for personal gain at the expense of others

speaking in a passive-aggressive/sarcastic manner. i say this even though i’m afraid of confrontation but i much rather someone outright tells me they’re unhappy about something or wants to get a point across. i hate when they talk about it sarcastically or tries to sugar-coat their words to make themselves look less aggressive about their words. tell me straight as it is, if you’re already gonna talk about something bad don’t piss me off with your attitude at the same time

do you like your own name?

rae is nice! has a very nice ring to it and looks pretty!

do you want a boy or a girl as a child?

i don’t.. want one.. but both have their good and bad i can’t decide.. i want a puppy

what are your strengths?

is this an interview question i have had a few interviews over the past weeks i am well-prepared for this HAHAHA

i think i’m pretty resilient! i bounce back from bad times pretty quickly or i psycho myself to see the situation positively. but it is ofc coupled with a lot of complaining to the people around me first

although i hate unpredictable situations and having to quickly adapt to new settings, i think i adapt pretty quickly too. flexible? easy-going? idk what’s the right way to call it but yeah something along those lines. good at it but i still enjoy my stability and calm don’t want to have to quickly adapt to new situations.

what are your weaknesses?

very emotional HAHAH used to be much worse but i often let my emotions rule my head. i think i’ve improved A LOT though i used to be so bad but i think i’m now able to make rational decisions even if im bawling LMFAO

this sounds like a compliment but i’ve been told this too often as well. i tend to be way too nice to people who don’t deserve it. even if the person doesn’t deserve it or they’ve pushed all my buttons in the wrong way possible, i would still try to be as nice and polite as i can. really helps with me working in the f&b industry lmfao.

what’s the colour of your bedspread?

dark blue / grey! 

colour(s) of your room?

white & wood (throughout my house actually + green from the plants in the living room) @yeonjuins says i live in a muji showroom

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #298

“i don’t like what i am becoming  /  wish i could just feel something”

Do you have sensitive skin? Very. Do you wear necklaces or earrings more? Just my tragus piercing, really. I only ever wear a necklace sometimes if I'm taking a "nice" picture. Rings or bracelets? I currently don't wear any bracelets, but I do always have one ring on. How many toilets are in your house? Two. Is your current crush younger than you? By just a couple years. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? Yes; he's very tan, especially his arms from being a mailman. Ranch or barbeque sunflower seeds? I don't like sunflower seeds. Do you know the first five books of the Bible in order? No. Do you have a pet fish? Nah, they're not my thing. Do you believe being gay is a choice or a "disorder"? Neither; I believe it's a genetic mutation. It defies biology and the very motive for life, but I always say that a mutation does not, in any way, equate to "wrong." I am extremely adamantly pro-gay rights and bisexual myself, so I can't shit-talk it. What are some of your favourite sounds? Crunching leaves, rain gently tapping on windows, windchimes, birdsong... mainly nature sounds. There are others, I'm just blanking right now. Are you a warm weather or cold weather person? Cold, 100%. What time do you wake up? What for? This spans over a massive gap, honestly... I can wake up as early as 5 or as late as 9:30. Most often, it's pretty early, and I call that my "trial" of being awake, lol... because I will almost without fail go back to sleep for a couple more hours. Hell, that happens even if I sleep on the later side. Do you ever listen to music to fall asleep to? I used to do that in middle and maybe some of high school, I think; I'd fall asleep with my iPod on and earbuds in. I haven't done that in a very long time, though. Could you spend the rest of your life with someone who had bad taste in music? ... Yes? Their taste in music has nothing to do with them as a person???? Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for? No, and it's best I don't. Have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything? Yes, and that's how I found out I'm far from a lightweight. I wasn't going to drink more than I actually wanted to drink just to get wasted. Did you love playing hide and seek as a kid? Yeah. Who is the last child you held? My youngest niece. Have you ever woken up not knowing where you were? Maybe for a few moments after my surgery? I don't really recall. When is the last time you made the wrong choice in anything? Every fucking day when I decide what to do with my time. What is the most interesting thing in the room you are in? My snake, I guess. She's a champagne morph ball python. When washing your hands, do you wet your hands or put soap on first? I put on soap first. When was the hardest you ever cried? What was the circumstance? Probably when Mom literally dragged me home after I tried to walk to Jason's to talk the night of the breakup. I lost my fucking mind. Which gift cards do you have in your wallet? I don't think I have any. Coke or Pepsi? Coke. I hate Pepsi. What is better: cute smile, or amazing eyes? A cute smile. What song are you listening to? "Drilled a Wire Through My Cheek" by Blue October is on currently. Name your best friend(s): Sara. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars? Nope. Last night you felt? I wasn't suicidal, but still kinda wanted to die lmao. Do you still watch Disney channel? No. How do you like your eggs? I only enjoy them scrambled, and preferably with cheese. What’s your all-time favorite song? "False Flags" by Massive Attack. If you could be any TV character, who would you be and why? Idk, I don't watch TV enough. Maybe Donna from That '70s Show. Very strong and independent, outspoken, and not to mention she has great taste. I find her to be a good female character to look up to. Do you ever come up with really good ideas for stories or movies? Do you do anything with them? Yeah; I'll try to integrate them into RP characters and plots. What sort of things do you post on your Tumblr? Vintage photos, screen caps, girly things? It's a Markiplier cesspit lmao. Sometimes I'll reblog shit I find funny. I've been very inactive on it, though. Have you ever had a dream that you couldn’t shake, even for days after you woke up? Oh yes. When was the last time you felt like a nuisance, or unwanted? Recently, I'm sure. When was the last time your dreams were crushed, or at least hindered? I dunno. How’s school going? I'm not in school. Are you angry at anyone right now? Myself. The last person to say they loved you? Mom. When is the last time you laughed hard? Hard? I'm really not sure. Are there any words on your shirt? No, it's just a blank black tank. Does it take a lot to make you cry? NOPE. Do you tell your parents everything? No. Do you get bored easily? I'm bored to the point of thinking being dead would be more fun at some point almost every day. I have anhedonia badly. I'm honestly starting to think I've over-medicated to a numbing degree so am trying to wean off some things. Have you ever burned someone's picture? No. How long was your last nap? Maybe three hours? I was really, really tired, though. Can you name the last time you felt happy? Probably when Sara and I talk-talked for the first time in a while. When was the last time you played with sidewalk chalk? Oh, I have zero clue. Probably not since I was a kid. Do you have friends obsessed with World of Warcraft? Bro wtf don't @ me. Have you ever punched a hole in the wall? No. Have you ever told someone you hated them? The only time I've seriously said that was to my dad before we reconciled after the divorce. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? I actually don't remember... Favorite thing to do on Facebook? See The Memes. Do you wear flip flops, regardless of weather, all the time? I SAID don't @ me. What is in store for your future? I both do and don't want to know. Have you ever seen a live bat? Yeah. I adore bats. Do you chew on straws? No. Do you have any trophies? Yeah. Who’s the last person that creeped you out? Some guy who walked into the store I was at with Mom, continuously looking back and forth. Would you believe an ex if she/he said they love you? Well, that would depend on the person. Have you ever been kissed in the rain? Yeah. Anything exciting happening soon? My half-sister and her kids are visiting tomorrow and staying for a few days. It's a surprise for Mom. Do you keep a diary or journal (offline or online)? You could say these surveys kinda are. I don't have a designated "diary," though. When was the last time you took a painkiller? What was it for and did it work? I had womanly issues a few days back, and yeah, it helped. Have you ever had to go and rescue someone because their car broke down? When was the last time that happened? I mean, I've driven /with/ Mom to do so. I myself don't drive. What’s one sweet/candy you miss from your childhood? Is this item something you can still buy or has it been discontinued? Y'all remember Baby Bottle Pops??? 'Cuz I do, and I love those fuckin things. I still see them sometimes in gas stations. When was the last time you used some kind of moisturiser? A few days back for my hands. They were painfully dry. If you’re under lockdown/stay at home orders at the moment, are you struggling or managing okay? A bitch is s t r u g g l i n g. Has anything positive come out of the pandemic for you? Fuck no. Do you wear a watch? Is it analogue/digital? Does it it have things like a step-counter in it? No. Do you have any gifts from Christmas that you still haven’t opened or used? Not used, yes. Well, then some things are still in their boxes, but they're unwrapped. Do you know how to tie a tie? If so, who taught you? No. Who was your last missed call from? Did you ring that person back? Some number I didn't recognize, so no. When was the last time you had some kind of problem with your internet connection? Is this something that happens often? A few days back. It has occasional instances where it'll go out but come back on shortly. Do you have a favourite celebrity chef? No. Do you prefer pizza or pasta? Pizza. Have you ever volunteered anywhere before? What was the reason behind doing so? Once at PetSmart when they had dogs to adopt out, which was for school volunteer hours. I spent time with them, giving them attention and taking them outside. I also had two other animal-related volunteer days, but each was only a few hours because my fucking weak-ass body couldn't handle them. Have you ever been truly obsessed with something? What was it and how did you come to feel that way? I have an incredibly obsessive personality; I could probably name near on a dozen or so things I've been genuinely obsessed with. I don't know what it means to love in moderation. Some are/were pleasant obsessions, some aren't/weren't. Does it bother you when people turn up at your house without asking or waiting to be invited? Yes. Are you taller or shorter than average height? I'm the average for an American woman. Do you have any family members whose beliefs or ways of life completely embarrass you? YUP YUP YUP YUP. Are you scared of heights? Yes. When was the last time you lost something of great sentimental value? Did you ever end up finding it again? I don't know. Have you ever injured anyone in self-defense? No. What food do you find to be the most filling? Is this something you eat a lot of? In relation to its portion sizes, oatmeal or eggs. I can't have a whole lot of either. I wouldn't say I eat either a lot, but oatmeal is more common. Have you ever heard people talking badly about you behind your back? Did you confront them about it? Yes, and in at least two instances. Do you consider “home” to be the place you were born, or is it somewhere you create for yourself? I consider it to be my childhood home; not the one I was actually born in, but only because I was way too young to remember and we only lived there like, maybe two years into my life. Have you ever experienced having to leave your home due to a fire, or due to the threat of fire? No, thankfully. When was the last time you felt you were in a dangerous situation? When we had a serious tornado warning Christmas Eve. Yes. In winter. Are there any superstitions that you believe in? Which ones and what are your reasons for doing so? No. Are there any series of books/films that you never finished - either because you got bored of waiting or just lost interest? Oh, I'm sure. I Wouldn't say I lost interest in a lot though, I just wasn't interested enough, like for The Hunger Games. Which theme park is your favorite? I haven't been to nearly enough to know. Like, just one. Do you eat healthy? I try to be, at least. Though I've been doing very poorly about it lately because I'm a emotional goddamn eater and am having a very hard time. Do/did your parents fight often? They're divorced for a reason. Do YOU fight with them often? No. Would you say that you're respectful? I hope so. Are you a fan of Green Day? Yeah, I love them. Would you rather have 4 kids at one time or never have a kid? Jesus Christ, never. I don't want any anyway. Do you think 'friends with benefits' relationships really ever work? No. Do you or have you ever known a drug addict? Yes. Do you turn off the water while brushing your teeth or leave it on? I always turn it off. No reason to waste it. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Lots, if you include my half-siblings. Are caterpillars more cute or disgusting? I tend to find them cute. What's your homepage when you bring up the internet? Google. Was the last book you read for fun or was it for some type of assignment? It was for fun. Have you ever dated someone you met online? Yes. Would you go on a date with someone right now if they asked? Depends on who's asking. Do you own any band tees? Oh, I have lots. Off the top of my head, some that I frequently wear are Metallica, Otep, and Korn. Do you know someone who wears a wig? No. Have you ever kissed someone under fireworks? I don't think so. What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? I strongly prefer the Olive Garden kind, but I also enjoy ranch. What genre of music do you listen to the most? Metal of some sort. Have you ever dated someone who was way overprotective of you? No. Do you personally know any cops? No. How many different colleges have you gone to? Three. How much stress can you handle? Not much at all. How confident are you in achieving your dreams? I ain't got the slightest clue by this point in my life. What is one thing you thought you’d never do but have done or are doing? There's a lot of things, most bad, some good. Do you have to take medication for any mental illness? A lot. Do you like looking at pictures? It depends on what's in them. Specifically pictures from my past, that's usually a big no. Do you believe the dead can have connections with the living? I guess in very vague ways. Which family member do you get along with the most? Well, define "get along with." I by far have the strongest relationship with my mom, but we fight sometimes. As for who I stay on the most stable ground with, that's probably my dad. Would you ever be able to become a vegan? I know I couldn't, but I'd love to. How did you meet your newest friend? Who even IS my newest friend... Have you ever watched the show Teen Mom? What did you think about it? No, and I think it's an awful fucking idea for a television show. Put a spotlight on and money into teen pregnancy, yeah, that's a genius plan. Are you old enough to remember MySpace? Yeah. Do you think you’ll be a good mother/father? I wouldn't be. Do you have trouble deleting your text messages? I don't need to. Is there something that you haven’t told anyone that you actually would like to tell someone? No. Have you ever been called a tease? Yeah. Do people ever make fun of your religion or lack thereof? No. Do you say/do things a lot for shock effect? No? What was the last compliment you gave a guy? I probably told my nephew Ryder he was a good brother. Was one of your grandpas in a war? Maybe? Idk. I never knew either well at all. Have you screamed in a pillow before? Yes. What do you like more, acoustic or electric? Electric. Have you ever ordered something off a commercial on television? No. What's worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you? Disappointed. Do you still consider Pluto a planet? Yes. Didn't they reinstate it as one, anyway? Right now, are you at a high, leveled, or low point? What's lower than "low?"

[feisty-fae]

If you still do the flower ask thingys.. 👉👈 𝘼𝙡𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙜𝙤 :)

HoooH boY hEre we gO-

Alisons: Sexuality?

I sexually identify as a can of beans

Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?

Cis female she/her

Amaryllis: Birthday?

27 September

Anemone: Favorite flower?

All flowers pretty,, but stargazer lily, rose, dahlia and cherry blossoms

Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?

I don't watch tv but I'll list some other stuff i like to watch:mha, beastars and aggretsuko

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?

Idk depends on scenario??

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?

"Kanye West he likes, fingers in his ass."

Aubrieta: Favorite drink?

Any Milkshakes or smoothies (mostly banana and strawberry for milkshake and p much anything for smoothie)

Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

I've never had kith

Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?

Well you see yes but actually no

Baneberries: Favorite song?

I listen to a lot but to keep it short:baby in the kitchen, in my mouth and friends slowed (chase atlantic)

Basket of Gold: Describe your family.

We p chill fam

Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?

Irl bestie,, shes not on tumblr lol

Begonia: Favorite color?

PinKKK

But i like most colours

Bellflower: Favorite animal?

Cats,,,,

FoxES,

ANYTHING CUDDLY AND CUTE

Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?

Night

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?

I'd be like a doggo bc it would be the most fun i think-

Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a vet but then when my granny asked me "but whos gonna clean up the animal poop?" I was like "eWW pO0pP!" and then decided that mayb i shouldn't be a vet

Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?

They're either really kind and sweet

Or literal demons from hell

Legit no inbetween

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?

I'm afraid of lot of things-

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.

I was one dumbass bitcg-

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?

Idk eat pizza and cry or smth ajakamkw

Buttercup: Relationship Status?

Single

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?

NEW YORKKK, CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFF THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN'T DO NOW YOU'RE IN NEW YOOORKKK

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?

When someone hugs me or just generally spends time with me

Canna: Do you have any tattoos?

Nop

Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?

I used to have piercings when i was a bab but eHh haven't worn them since and i dont think my ear holes are big enough now-

California Poppy: Height?

4'10 grrr I'm the omega midget and I'll devour ur ankles

Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?

Nop

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?

Pant, pink top and black hoodie

Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?

I think i have??

Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?

My mom and my dad

Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?

I never kith

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?

I dont have one so imma say sans bc it always looks out of place and makes me laugh-

Columbine: Are you tired?

No

I feel like screaming and jumping around my room like a crackhead

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?

Nothing in particular ig

Coneflower: Dream job?

Smth kinda fun and art or design related hopefully,,,,

Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert but i also get lonley easily

Crocus: Have you ever been in love?

Nop,,,,

Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?

I would get run over by 5 monster trucks, jump off a plane, get mauled by 10 bears, get trampled on by a stampede, get brutally tortured for 12 hours straight, yeet myself into the Grand Canyon and then break all my bones with my bare hands if they weren't broken already

Ok basically i care a lot

Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?

I had this st bernard plush called Sparky and this lion named Sammy,,

Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?

Libra

Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?

My memory is legit so bad it's probably concerning uHHH

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?

Mayb art??

Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?

Ehhh i might reason with them and then if they still disagreed I'd just keep the relationship a secret

Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?

My parents

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?

Ehhh arT

Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?

EhhHh everything that isn't art-

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?

Oh boy here comes my shitty memory-

Hmmm

Idk but I'm mostly happy that I've been more social and stuff and i feel like im kinda coming out of my shell a bit

Not sure what to say for other 2 bc nothing in particular has really happend?

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?

Ehhh oK??

Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?

Mayhapsn't

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?

I hope to pass all my exams and get an okish job mayb

Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?

1.fRIENBS ILY MY HABIBIS

2. Fammm

3. eHhh yummy food,,

4. Drawing and uhhh art

5. EPIC MUTUALS

6. Ok idk what else aside from like serious stuff like house and etc.-

Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed?

Drawing, crying, venting to a friend/parent

Hellebore: How do you show affection?

Hugssss,kith,cuddle, *draws u stuff*

Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?

MmmmmMy aRRt?

Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.

Wake up

Don't go to school

Vibe with friends

Sleeb

Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?

MmMmMM aRT-

Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?

Ehh 8yrs? We met in hell school

Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?

Friendos

Mom

Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?

6..?? Aa idk theres some people that idk if they'd consider me a friend or not,,

Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?

Idk any compliment is best compliment for me,,

Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?

Ew yucky gröss

Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

m y a r t

Also my hair bc its soft and wavy,,

Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?

Everything else-

Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?

Climb trees and do dumb shit

Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?

Same irl bestie i mentioned before

Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?

MmmmmmMMM,,,

Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?

MMMmMMmMMMMmmmMMm,,,,,,

Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?

Well I chose Fae bc i thought it sounded pretty

Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.

Idk what to rlly say lmao

Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?

Kinda the same but i had toys everywhere-

Also when i was like 5 i had this legit fucking cursed thomas the tank engine shaped bed that i actually found a pic of but it's FUCKING HORRIFYING SO I PROBS WONT SHOW HERE-

Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?

EW BEING A TEENAGER SUCKS ASS HOW DO I UNDO????

Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.

Hi mom ily ur epic

Onions: Tell about your dad.

Hi dad ily ur epic

Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.

Omg i miss my grannies sm bc i couldn't see em this year bc nasty pandemic

Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?

Haha shit memory gor brrRR-

I don't really remember too many specific parties but when i was like 7-10 i had these epic parties in those birthday places with the giant play areas

I kinda wish i wasn't too old to go to them sobs

Peony: What was your first job?

I haven't had a job yet

Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?

Hmmmm idk? I haven't really thought abt that but i don't really mind i just wanna find someone to vibe with,,

Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?

I cri

Pink: Where is home?

Home is home home

Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?

Now where do i start...

Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.

I look up to people that are kind, caring, brave, funny, cool or stronger than me ig?

Primrose: Describe your ideal life.

Basically my current life minus school, stress,pandemic and responsibilities lmao

Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?

I used to believe in ghosts after i thought i encountered one

Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?

Hermmmst

Rose: What’s your favorite sound?

Peoples laughsss also music

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?

Bro i dont have one,, my aphantasia makes it hard for me to remember stuff-

Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?

A

Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?

I wantttt better chargersss thattt donttt telll meee thatt myyy tablett will finishh chargingg innn 1 dayy andd 7 hoursss

St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?

Kinda difficult but im opening up more

Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?

fRIENDS,,,,,wAh

Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?

8 hrs

Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?

Idk ig i kinda have to go to school and do stuff

Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?

Non existant

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?

My black and white stripy top, and all my hoodiess

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.

I don't think i have just one aesthetic bc im drawn to so many different aesthetics at the same time-

Like vintage, neon, dark, spoopy, pastel, cute, etc etc

Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?

OMG I LEGIT JUST SCREAM AT ANYTHING ANYONE GIVES ME-

IF SOMEONE GOES OUT OF THEIR WAY TO MAKE ME SMTH I CRY,,

Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?

🤏

Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?

I haven't been reading anythinggg

But i should really finish reading Percy Jackson bc it do be picking up dust-

Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?

Everywhere

Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?

Mmm yummy 👅

Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.

I am currently living and breathing yes

[bisquett]

A Little Incident (David Dobrik x Reader)

#54 & #65 Im thinking reader is a singel mom and their kid does something bad on accident (they break an expense piece of equipment or they break his new KID CHOICE AWARD) and David kinda goes a bit over board on the punishment or yells a bit too loudly due to stress. And makes them cry. (We've all had that moment. Even with younger siblings) Idk i want angst. But angst with a maybe happy end or happy end lmao. -🌻

a/n: This is from the drabble thingy, I’ve had this in the back of my mind for weeks so I decided to give it a shot lol sorry for bad writing and grammar. Lots of love-Olivia.

  ++

“What’s a Kid Choice Award?” Maddie, your daughter, asked David. She caught you watching that vlog back at your apartment. Being the curious child she was, first thing she asked was that exact same question but, of course, you told her to wait and ask David. You thought it would be endearing and wanted to see David explain Maddie something he was really fond and proud of.

And it was, endearing and adorable. David squatted down, pulled up his glasses and smiled at your child, his camera pointing at her.

“Maddie” he opened his mouth and furrowed his eyebrows a little, “how can you not know?”

“David, she’s four.”

He looked up, a mischievous and child-like smile on his face.

“Still” he said, shaking his head a bit. “Unacceptable, young lady.” He reprimanded her but his touch was caring, he held Maddie’s tiny shoulder with love and your daughter smiled big, her eyes shining, holding back a smile. She adored David and was immensely happy when she had his attention.

“Mommy, what’s a Kid Voice Award?” she turned to you, she wasn’t given any clear answers.

A little laugh escape from your mouth. “Choice, honey. Kid Choice Award.”

“I’ll show you” David said, propping himself up and looking to the hallway. “Hold on.”

You took a seat on the couch and Maddie was following David with her eyes.

“It’s incredible how he shifts. He was just freaking out because he had only 40 seconds of today’s vlog, now look at him.” Jason whispered at you, taking a seat on the bean bag with a groan, you both watched how David was half sprinting to the shelf he kept all his awards on. “Maddie is an angel. She truly is.”

“Well, the feeling is very mutual, Maddie loves David” you looked at your daughter, still with her eyes glued to David, who was sprinting back with an orange blimp on his hands.

He kneeled in front of Maddie “This is a Kid Choice Award, Maddie” he explained, holding the orange award in front of her amazed eyes. “It’s a blimp!” he said, his voice going higher. “It’s a gift- uhh” he hesitated “a reward people gave you when you’re good at something”

“You were good?” she touched the smooth surface of the blimp with her finger.

David was taken aback with her comment, he opened his mouth to explain but you were faster “The best” you said, looking at David “He won that because he’s the best” you explained your daughter, brushing your fingers through her hair.

David looked at you and he gave you a tight smile, visibly moved by what you said.

“It’s so pretty!” Maddie

“Take it” David said, giving Maddie the award. “Don’t let it fly away, though” he excitedly focused the shot on Maddie.

“Just be careful, Maddie” you told your daughter more like a protocol, your mom instinct never rested. She nodded while making engine sounds and moving the blimp up and down in the air.

David turned the camera off and let out a loud sigh as he took a seat next to you. He massaged the bridge of his nose. Maddie was too entertained with the blimp, too far to listen adult talk.

You placed your hand on David’s knee and looked at him. He looked like he was carrying 1000 pounds on his shoulders.

“Are you okay, babe?”

“Yeah” he placed his hand on top of yours, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand.

“You don’t have to lie” you tickled his jowl. His shoulders shot up, trying to block his ticklish spot from you.

“Stop-, stop!” He managed to say between giggles. You stopped and side smiled, a little sad smile. “I don’t have any new footage. I have to go back and watch three hours of video to see if I can make a vlog out of what’s already scrapped.” He shrugged it off, like he always did, you wanted to shake him off and tell him that it was okay to feel shitty. “I’m so tired.” He said, closing his eyes for a second. “I just want to sleep.” You heart broke a little. Seeing the boy that you loved exhausted, stubborn as one can be, he might have a sleepless night ahead of him.

“David…” you started but were interrupted by a shattering noise, you both turned quickly to where the sound came from, you saw your daughter on the ground, well, only her tiny legs, she stumbled on the door reel on her way out.

“Oh my god” you said when Maddie managed to sit up on the floor. Her knee was bleeding and she was making a pout face, holding back tears.

“Oh no,” David squatted down to take a better look, he didn’t seem to recall the blimp that was seconds ago on Maddie’s hand, but the orange award caught his eye, or well- what was left of it.

You followed David’s eyes and saw the KCA shattered on the floor, a feet or two away. He stood up and walked there, he wasn’t moving at all, he was just watching the broken award on the floor. With the point of his toe he moved the remains of the blimp, like it was some dead animal.

Maddie picked up David’s anger even before you did. “I broke it, mommy.” She said, scared- “Tell David I’m sorry, please.” She pulled your sleeve, your heart broke again, Maddie was terrified of making David upset. You were too, this was probably the first time he was this quiet.

“Fuck” he whispered yelled. He took a deep breath, his hand went to grab his own neck, his hand traveled to his shoulder, he massaged it but the tension was still there and growing by the second “Y/n!” he called you, but his tone, it was demanding –not caring, dry and stern, before you had a chance to stand up, Jason stepped in.

“David, calm down” he got closer to the boy, with two hands in front of him.

“It’s broken, Jason” he yelled at the old man as if Jason couldn’t see what’s happened. Both of his brown eyes, usually soft, were bewildered “It’s- Fuck- I can’t believe this. I can’t-” he was shaking his head, looking like he was talking to himself.

David took a glance at the blimp, shattered on the floor. He couldn’t even get any closer to it, flashbacks of his childhood seemed broken like the object, how happy he was when he found out he won, when he held it for the first time, in front of so many people. Everything this meant for him was broken in that very moment. His anxiety spiked and his chest was closing in.

He felt a little hand pull on his jeans. He closed his eyes, trying to regroup. But Maddie insisted.

“Maddie, not right now please” he clenched his jaw and rubbed his eyes not so gently. He wanted to pull his hair so hard until he could no more.

“I’m sorry, David!” Maddie held her little hands, folded together. She looked up at David, nervousness and regret on her eyes, you couldn’t see your daughter’s eyes but you knew, those emotions, they were loud. They tinted her voice too. “Mom will buy you a new one. I promise” she assured, desperate.

“David” Jason whispered at the boy, looking at Maddie with pity eyes. “C’mon, man”

“Or I can glue it, I’ll do it myself!” Maddie was trying desperately to get David’s attention.

“Madison, please stop” you raised your voice and called your daughter.

“Mommy!” she turned to you, breaking down in tears and running to you, hugging your legs. “David hates me!” she hugged your legs, tight.

You glanced at David, he was no longer still as a rock. Your daughter’s cries were bringing him back to reality. Not fast enough for you.

“Tell him I’m sorry, please!”

You swallowed the knot in your throat.

“Jason, you have anything in here to cure her knee?”

Those words were like a bucket of ice water. The boy came back to reality. He gulped when he saw the little girl’s bleeding knee. “Crap.” He whispered to himself, walking towards you two. “I- I have a… first aid kit- on the top…” He knelt in front of Maddie, she cleaned her running nose with the sleeve of her shirt. “I’ll go grab it- oh god, it’s not so deep but” He grabbed gently Maddie’s leg, just below the cut. Maddie was already looking at David with adoring eyes. “I’ll…”

“She’s not your kid” you yelled, cutting him off, hugging Maddie. David’s face fell, he knew he was pushing his limits, but it hurt either way. You could tell he knew he was crossing the line when he lowered his head. “Back the fuck off” you swallowed, regretting the second that last sentence left your mouth, you never swore in front of Maddie.  

++

“I know you are tense” Jason sat on the bed, you were on one of the many spare rooms on David’s house, refusing to go out. “But David, he didn’t mean it. I know I shouldn’t speak for him but-”

“I know” you sighed, “I know it too, Jason. I’m just upset, I don’t like to see my daughter cry like that”

“Completely understandable.”

“He’s not a kid, he shouldn’t have reacted like he did.” You bite your lip; you knew you were being a little unfair with David. His innocence and pure heart, almost child-like spirt were what made you fall in love with him.

Jason laid his eyes at the door, he knew what was going on behind. David was leaning into the frame, wanting to come in but knowing you needed space at the same time. He probably could hear what you were talking about, the house was dead silent.

Maddie had your phone with a set of pink headphones on, she focused on the cartoon playing in the device. She was completely calm.

“Don’t be too hard on him, and don’t be too hard on yourself” Jason gave you a little shoulder pat before walking to the door.

“Let David come in” you asked him, Jason looked back and nodded. He opened the door and David was only inches away from the door frame. Jason and him exchanged a few words and he stepped in the room. His hands buried in his pockets.

He stopped a few feet away from you two. Your harsh back off warning was still playing inside your head, and in his too, you could tell. You tapped a spot on the bed, by your side. “Come here.”

“I’m sorry” he stayed in the same spot. “To you, to Maddie” He glanced at the little girl, she was still watching some kids show on your phone but she was dozing off.

“Come here” you repeated. He quickly covered the distance and took a seat next to you.

“I know it’s just a piece of- I wasn’t thinking” He tried to explain. “I don’t hate her” he said, pain straining his voice “I couldn’t, I love her!” His body was almost shaking, he wanted you to believe him. “I love you”

“She knows that” he was gripping hard on the cloth of his jeans, you put a hand on top of his to ease his anxiety, “I know that” you assured him.

Maddie rolled over, handing out your phone, you could see the credits playing on it. She smiled when she saw David with you.

He leaned back into the bed so he could reach your daughter’s head, he pushed back Maddie’s bangs, she half closed her eyes “How’s your knee, Maddie?”

“It doesn’t hurt, at all.” She replied weakly, rubbing her sleepy eyes with her hand. “Goodnight hug!” She opened her arms big, stretching in between. David let out a chuckle and lean down to hug Maddie. But he rolled over, taking Maddie with him. She laughed hard and tried to break free as he tickled her.

He was going to regret that, but you wouldn’t tell him, not right now. A hyper Maddie past midnight? You wished that boy good luck with editing. You threw yourself back into the bed, watching the scene. The two loves of your life in front of you.

[i-amusemyself]

1 To 116.

Thanks anon!! Thats my boredom cured for the evening

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

I’m actually not confused right now, which is a bloody rarity. I suppose I could say I’m slightly confused about my gender, but I try not to think about that tbh

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Occasionally, though to be fair I’m never awake in the mornings atm lmao

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

On a rare occasion? No. All the time? Probably.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

Fuck no lmao have you met people?

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Umm...I was with my bf..

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

Probably my mate from uni @bookdragonphoenix

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

Instant break up. No excuses for that.

8: Are you close with your dad?

Hoo boi that’s complicated! It varies honestly, but more so than some people I guess

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

Yeah

10: What are you listening to?

I’m listening to Ke$ha’s Die Young. It’s a tune okay?

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Coke Cola (that is how you spell it right? Fuck im dumb). I live off it anyway tbh

12: Do you like hickeys?

Um, I like getting them but I get embarrased if some people see them lmfao

13: What time do you go to bed?

Like 12am? Usually about 2 hours after I’m tired enough to sleep smh

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

Besides me? I guess a couple of people that are...distant friends and possibly a few family members, not to call anyone out

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

Well no lmao

16: Do you always answer your texts?

90% of them

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

I don’t know who I fell the hardest for. I don’t really recall past emotions that well.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

Todayy

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

3 or 4 people yeah!

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

Fuck me I don’t know. Probably ughhh can I fall asleep pls

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

Nope. I havent even seen another human today lmao

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

To an extent, but it’s not always guaranteed unfortunately

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

Fuck no lmao

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

That depends on the definition of fix. If it solely relies on me doing things different, then no. But if it means someone else can themselves be fixed, sure.

25: In the past week, have you cried?

Nah, wish I could though I feel like I need to

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

Grey

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

Not people I see anymore

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

Don’t think so. I think people are just busy.

29: Do you have a best friend?

I have multiple

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

Very :/

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

@oneshappyplace bc she loves it when i throw random shit her way and vice versa

32: Are you mad at anyone?

I mean besides the people I have long term issues with? Nah

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Haha yeah

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

20. Oh jeeeeesus christ that’s a scary fucking thought. Nope-ing away from that.

35: How many more days until your birthday?

8 months ish?

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

I’m going away to quite a few places. There’s more I want to do but I don’t know if it will ever get organised.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

Besides my bf, not good ones. 

Edit: I completely forgot about one of my friends, yes I do

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

Not intentionally. Idk. Don’t ask don’t tell I guess.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

Yeah bc it aint anyones business

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

I don’t think so. 

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

To an extent. Massive age gaps are weird, especially if one of them is hella young

42: Are you available?

Nein

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

2

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

Eyebrow piercing

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

I guess? I mean I probs couldn’t do that but I guess for others 

46: Do you regret anything?

So fucking much omfg

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

How shit I am at communication. I’m really starting to get mad at myself and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

In a way, yeah

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

No

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

I...am ig

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

Yup

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

Wow this is relentless with the kissing. Yah

53: What was the last thing you ate?

An orange

54: Did you get any compliments today?

Nope

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

Suffolk for latitude festival. How I ended up going there is a long story lmao

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

Tons of stuff I guess. I mean I’m wearing my ohio state tshirt haha

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

Girls

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

In the middle of england

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

Fucking hell, like 7 or 8 weeks ago when I came back to uni

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

Who hasn’t?

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

Nah 

62: Who do you text the most?

Probably @oneshappyplace or @apricot-el they get all my bs

63: What was the last movie you saw?

It’s called Chronicle, it was p good

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

Don’t fekkin ask that lmao! Hopefully the fact they’re happy and their ex is now miles away

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

Zero

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

Nein

67: Do you curse around your parents?

Yeah, much to their dislike

68: Are you happy with where you live?

Yeah, but I’m only here for 3 more weeks

69: Picture of yourself?

No chance. Just imagine stereotypical androgenous kid, but lanky af

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

Personally I prefer monogamy

71: Have you ever been dumped?

Um...I actually can’t remember

72: What do you most like about making out?

Feeling wanted ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (sweet sweet depression and anxiety)

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

Nah

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

Strangely enough, me

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

I cannot seriously pick one part

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

You guessed it it’s @oneshappyplace

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

I mean I’m alone

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

Nope

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

Just cute unexpected gestures I suppose

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

I mean, maybe not currently but who knows if I was older

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

Yeah

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

Just my closest friends and the person I have a crush on *eye roll*

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

No

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

Years ago

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

I mean I’ve met them now but yes 

86: How can I win your heart?

Be a kind, understanding human being with a damn good sense of humor

87: What is your astrological sign?

Libra

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Bothering friends lmao

89: Do you cook?

Occasionally. I used to a lot more but depression

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

Yeah, but it only ever seems to be me making the effort, so every time I’ve let them go again

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

see like all previous answers lol

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

Monogamous stuff

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

I honestly don’t know. I can never figure out my type, just, hotness lmao

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

Dopamine, money, the power to help others more...thats it thats all I want

95: Are you a player?

Nein

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

Nope

97: Are you a tease?

I can be but not in a cruel way

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

Two people and we’re still close

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

That’s a loaded question yikes. I dont know.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

I mean I don’t know their tumblr but yh

101: Hugs or Kisses?

Both. I can’t choose. I’m bi.

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Probs idk

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

....their face?

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

Sure

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

Not until I knew wtf they were playing at

106: Do you flirt a lot?

I’m hopeless at it

107: Your last kiss?

Yesterday

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

I haven’t kissed that many people, full stop.

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

Yikes see 107

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

The bae tbh

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

I have a p good idea

112: Does someone like you currently?

I fekkin hope so

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

Yeah lmao

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

Serious shit 

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

Once when drunk 

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

In a relationship, for sure

[sneebyy]

1-92 for the make me admit stuff ask :3

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? I mean I already have soooo :P @calibratedcatnip

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Nop

3. Have you taken someones virginity? Nop

4. Is trust a big issue for you? Not really, I do my best to trust people and usually succeed c:

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? No, it’s been four days since I last hung out with my love and that’s not recent at all and she left so long ago and I’m dying ;-;

6. What are you excited for? Seeing my love again, being done with finals, sleeping, and not being tired.

7. What happened tonight? I took a nap then woke up at like 11:30pm

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? It can be cute or just kinda sad depending on the girl. Not really disgusting though.

9. Is confidence cute? Depends.

10. What is the last beverage you had? SimplyTM Strawberry Lemonade

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? My love, my mom, and my sister

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? No lol

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? I mean today is saturday night and I already slept a bunch and I’m gonna do homework so sleep and do homework.

14. What are you going to spend money on next? Probably food

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Yesss!!!

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? I hope so. I have a lot I need to improve about myself. I hope I can at least a little bit within the next three months. I’m not sure though.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? My love and my friend Grant

18. The last time you felt broken? I always feel a little broken because of my sleep stuff, but mentally I haven’t in a while in a long time, so that’s good.

19. Have you had sex today? Nop

20. Are you starting to realize anything? uh. n-no? is something going on here? am I missing something?

21. Are you in a good mood? Yeah I’m in a pretty okay mood c:

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? Sharks swim in the ocean and the ocean is cold and I don’t like swimming in cold water so no

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yes! And my mom’s.

24. What do you want right this second? 3 naps laying with my love ;-;

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? Idk, I’d be really surprised tbh because I trust her a lot. But I’d be really sad and curl up in a ball in bed then idk

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yup

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Nop

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Probably a meme about cats

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? My love ;-; a lot ;-;

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Depends

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? That would’ve been uhhhhh. That guy I was playing warframe with. So no? I mean I think he’s a guy. probably. really don’t know for sure tbh.

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Yessss! My looooove! 

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? No I drink soda. Not super often, but I have nothing against it and do occasionally

34. Listening to? The white noise of my space heater

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Ye, I never use pen, and I don’t take notes digitally or anything.

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? My love is at her house I think?

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? I mean the idea of it is cute, but idk. not really.

38. Who did you last call? My looooove! last night!! we talked for a while and it was so nice c:

39. Who was the last person you danced with? I’ve never danced with anyone I don’t think?

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because my love is cute and wonderful and I love her :3

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? too long ago

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? nop

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? evry day

44. Do you tan in the nude? No, I don’t tan

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Nop. Never :3

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Almost actually! I talked to my love on the phone until I was gonna sleep but then I couldn’t sleep so I stayed up for a bit :/

47. Who was the last person to call you? Dominos to open the gate so they could deliver me pizza.

48. Do you sing in the shower? nop

49. Do you dance in the car? is that physically possible?

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? like once at the fair! It was kinda fun I think?

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? High school graduation lol

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Yes

53. Is Christmas stressful? It can be if there’s too much family

54. Ever eat a pierogi? wtf is that?

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple!

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Astronaut when I was real small, then a paleontologist, then a roller coaster designer

57. Do you believe in ghosts? nop

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Ye

59. Take a vitamin daily? I did until I ran out a few weeks ago. I need to get more :V

60. Wear slippers? no, but I should!! that’s a good idea!

61. Wear a bath robe? Nop

62. What do you wear to bed? my birthday suit

63. First concert? Weird Al Yankovic. Not even joking.

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target

65. Nike or Adidas? Nike. I like their rly light running shoes.

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Both

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Ew

69. Ever take dance lessons? When I was a small child I took hip hop lessons for like one day

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? My love could probably be a great writer, or maybe I could see her being a therapist if she gets her mental stuff figured out to help people that went through a lot of hard stuff like she did c:

71. Can you curl your tongue? Yis

72. Ever won a spelling bee? Nop

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes!

74. What is your favorite book? Probably Hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy? Or maybe slaughterhouse 5?

75. Do you study better with or without music? Depends. I do both.

76. Regularly burn incense? I wish!

77. Ever been in love? Yessss!! with @calibratedcatnip c: my love.

78. Who would you like to see in concert? Caravan Palace and Deadmau5

79. What was the last concert you saw? Weird Al Yankovic lmao

80. Hot tea or cold tea? Cold, and sweetened too because I’m trash

81. Tea or coffee? Both

82. Favorite type of cookie? gingersnap

83. Can you swim well? I can swim alright. Could probably be better.

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Ye

85. Are you patient? No lol

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? A single man playing a banjo

87. Ever won a contest? Yes, I once won free surf lessons then proceeded to chafe my legs on my wetsuit over the course of the week until I was in extreme pain. Also the sand on that beach had very small red worms in it and it was really creepy

88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nop

89. Which are better black or green olives? I’ve never eaten an olive

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Having sex before marriage is a Sin and if you do it you will go to Hell for eternity

91. Best room for a fireplace? All of them

92. Do you want to get married? Yesss. To my looove c:

[cutekookie]

oh hecking heck it's been a while

an actual angel @kookminau has tagged me in a tag game thing. thank u bby 😇❤️ 

 THE LAST: 
 1. drink: ribena my baby my smollest child 2. phone call: my mum bc she was tryna work out how to use facetime lmao 
3. text message: “i just woke up” classic 
4. song you listened to: look here - bangtan 5. time you cried: yesterday after i saw jm and jk in the bon voyage episode hahaha kill me 
6. dated someone twice: no thank god 7. kissed someone and regretted it: ye o boi 8. been cheated on: nah 9. lost someone special: who hasn’t 10. been depressed: ye 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: every time cries

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: 
 12-14. gold, red and pink!!!!!!

 IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 
 15. made new friends: yeye❤️❤️❤️ 16. fallen out of love: on reflection p sure it was just infatuation but maybe?? 17. laughed until you cried: yeah omg 
18. found out someone was talking about you: lmao yes always 19. met someone who changed you: yes!
 20. found out who your friends are: hahaha oh boy yes!!! 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: a few actually Y I K E S

GENERAL: 
22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them!! like 97% hahah 
23. do you have any pets: 3 annoying as heck but adorable doggos! 24. do you want to change your name: last name hell yeah 25. what did you do for your last birthday: i got drunk w some cool cats n had ice cream cake quality 26. what time did you wake up: 10am oops 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: i was asleep LMAO but the night before i was reading this rly angsty drarry fic bless 28. name something you can’t wait for: bts to return to aus pls and thank u.. also jikook coming out video lol i h8 myself 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like 20 mins ago ahah 
30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my height :((( and my head to stop being so hecked up lmao 31. what are you listening to right now: nothing actually haha 
32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: unfortunately
 33. something that is getting on your nerves: a teacher at my school who thinks ive ‘skipped’ school the past few days (side note: NOT MY CHOICE! I HAVE HECKING GASTRO!!!!!) 
34. most visited website: tumblr.com/search/jikook (and fb n shit i guess) 
35. mole/s:one on my neck and one on my cheek ?? i think??but they tiny so not sure if the class as moles lmao 36. mark/s: some faint scars on my knees and face from operations and also a birthmark on my toe! 
37. childhood dream: to be a palleingtologist .. fuck i cant even spell it now. the one where you dig up dinosaurs and shit.  
38. hair colour: black kms school wont let me have bright red.. the second ive graduated tho ill be a firetruck again 39. long or short hair: rn its short as but im tryna grow it out 
40. do you have a crush on someone: yes ❤️ 41. what do you like about yourself: my lips/teeth?? sounds strange but idk i have kinda nice lips n my teeth are p bright n straight so?? 42. piercings: oh god okay bear w me: four on each earlobe, rook, cartlidge, lip. had a second cartilidge, but it fell out. had a second lip piercing, but it fell out. had a septum but then i didnt like it anymore lmao 
43. blood type: no clue tbh 
44. nickname: bumblebee/bee 
45. relationship status: i have a gf kinda not officially 
but p much?? 46. zodiac: capricorn 
47. pronouns: she/her 
 48. favourite tv show: ooo theres a lot. i rly like Shadowhunters and trashy reality stuff tho ;; 
49. tattoos: not yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
50. right or left handed: right handed 
51. surgery: knee, tonsils removed, and lip bc i managed to split it open when i was 2 lmao,, wild 52. piercing: im like at least 99.9% sure this was already a q 53. sport: swimming and dancing are the only ones i like participating in, but tennis is cool to watch!! 55. vacation: just went to the usa which was amazing, but have been to fiji, bali, italy, and usa (2 times now) 
56. pair of trainers: i mean the pair of shoes ive owned the longest is a pair of high top red converse lmao come at me joon 

MORE GENERAL: 
57. eating: chips lmao 
58. drinking: nothing 
59. i’m about to: probably read smth idk 
61. waiting for: bedtime im so tired rip 62. want: be happy and also get a photo with jeon jeongguk before i die 63. get married: well @ government make it legal for gays to marry then maybe i can lmao 64. career: maybe a teacher?? idk 65. hugs or kisses: both !!!! i love affection in all forms 66. lips or eyes: usually eyes 
67. shorter or taller: usually taller but my current gf-not-gf is TINY and shes the cutest omg 
68. older or younger: doesnt matter just not a big gap lmao 
70. nice arms or nice stomach: ???? nice heart 
71. sensitive or loud: i mean loud bc same but sensitive bc thats cool too idk??
72. hook up or relationship: relationship for sure 
73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant lmao

HAVE YOU EVER: 
 74. kissed a stranger: yeah, back when i was tryna prove i was a Heterosexual 
75. drank hard liquor: every time a massive mistake 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: yes :((( but they always turn up eventually 77. turned someone down: yeah 78. sex on the first date: idk depends on the person?? 79. broken someone’s heart: 
yeah 80. had your heart broken: yeppo 
81. been arrested: nah im a cry baby and terrified of getting in trouble lol 
82. cried when someone died: of course 
83. fallen for a friend: certainly crushed on a friend idk bout fallen tho

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 
 84. yourself: eh *vague hand gestures* 
85. miracles: maybe,,,, idk 86. love at first sight: nah. i believe in infatuation at first site, and great affection or attraction at first site, but not love. 87. santa claus: i want to in my child heart but nah hhaha. believed until i was 12 tho lmao 
88. kiss on the first date: if ur both down yeah sure why not 89. angels: park jimin exists, so... but yeah maybe?? idk

OTHER: 
90. current best friend’s name: roman n jay god bless 91. eye colour: hazel leaning more on the brown side 92. favourite movie: oh gosh um???? a lot???? few faves are train to busan (killed me), moana, aladdin, mulan, ummmm idk disney and superhero movies and sometimes horrors haha

I TAG: @mindyourfuckinglanguage & @satansgaypornblog p certain jay doesnt even use this any more but fuck it lmao. also @inbts bc u were in my activity also i dont know how else to say hi but by tagging u in a post... so hi!❤️

thank u goodnight as usual feel free to do it if i didnt tag u live ur dreams have fun bye jikook is real

[bekicotwrites]

THIS TOOK FOREVER TO DO but it’s done!! I was tagged by the lovely @piiess for this question thing. Thank you so much Pat!

I don’t really know who to tag, so if any of you who sees this post wants to do it then by all means do it. Do tag me back because I’d love to see your answers :D

Answers under the cut because it’s pretty long

01: do you have a good relationship with your parents?

I hope I do

02: who did you last say “i love you” to?

My mom I think??

03: do you regret anything?

Of course, people have regrets including me haha

04: are you insecure?

Most of the time, yes

05: what is your relationship status?

In a love-hate relationship with my thesis :”)

06: how do you want to die?

In the least painful way possible

07: what did you last eat?  

Tofu

08: played any sports?

Does typing counts as finger sports HAHAHAH #no

I do pilates sometimes but that’s it I’m a couch potato I don’t do sports that much _(:3」∠)_  

09: do you bite your nails?

I do, but not as frequent as I used to

10: when was your last physical fight?

I can’t remember

11: do you like someone?

If you mean fictional characters then Y E S.....

12: have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

I don’t think I have reached 48 hours but I think it was close to that

13: do you hate anyone at the moment?

I don’t think so??

14: do you miss someone?

Yes I do

15: have any pets?

I had 8 cacti but 3 died :c so I only have 5 of my children left

16: how exactly are you feeling at the moment?  

Tired, but I still need to work on stuff asjdfl;sdllk

17: ever made out in the bathroom?

Nope

18: are you scared of spiders?

Not at all. As a matter of fact I used to want to have a pet tarantula

19: would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Tempted, but I don’t think I would want to. If I did go back in time though I would probably just stay in the sidelines and watch as events in my life unfold and try to reflect on it

20: where was the last place you snogged someone?

Do I really need to answer this lmao

21: what are your plans for this weekend?

I’m gonna busy with a local convention wish our group luck you guys!! My group’s going to be selling Touhou arrange music CDs (yours truly helped in the coloring of the newest album cover heheh it’s gonna be super lit with the amazing EDM music!!) and I’ll be selling stickers in the same booth.

22: do you want to have kids? how many? 

None because I’m not planning t o get married at the moment

23: do you have piercings? how many?  

None

24: what is/are/were your best subject(s)?  

I was good at English and maths during middle school and high school. Now I don’t really know hahah... My friends tell me I’m quite good at wax carving and wirebending though if that’s actually a ‘subject’. I guess I also do okay forensics odontology since it’s a subject I love.

25: do you miss anyone from your past?

Yes

26: what are you craving right now?

I actually really want a burger set meal now... and of course, decent sleep

27: have you ever broken someone’s heart?

I think I have

28: have you ever been cheated on?

Not that I know of lmao

29: have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Sadly, yes

30: what’s irritating you right now?

WHY IS IT SO HOT HERE I know it’s summer but still omfg it’s supposed to be monsoon soon why....

31: does somebody love you?

I hope so

32: what is your favourite colour?

G R E E N

33: do you have trust issues?  

Yes I do

34: who/what was your last dream about?

I can’t remember

35: who was the last person you cried in front of?

My close friend

36: do you give out second chances too easily?

Not that easy I think. I mean if they really did fuck up then I’m definitely not gonna talk to them at all.

37: is it easier to forgive or forget?  

Forgive and never forget is one of my life mottos

38: is this year the best year of your life? 

The year hasn’t ended yet, but so far I don’t think it is.

39: how old were you when you had your first kiss?

My parents have kissed me ever since I was born heyyy

40: have you ever walked outside completely naked?

Maybe I did when I was small, but it’s just around the neighborhood. Child me did some crazy stuff apparently.

51: favourite food?

Salmon sandwich and a whole meal set of ayam bakar (Ayam bakar paha sama nasi, tahu, dan kremes. Hehe.)

52: do you believe everything happens for a reason?

Yes

53: what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Read manga lol

54: is cheating ever okay?

Not at all.

55: are you mean?

I hope not??

56: how many people have you fist fought?

I slapped a person once does that count

57: do you believe in true love?

No

58: favourite weather?

Morning rain and late night rain

59: do you like the snow?

Sometimes

60: do you wanna get married?  

Nope

61: is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

Nooo omg it’s one of my pet peeves to be called ‘baby’ by anyone

62: what makes you happy?

The chance to just take time to relax by myself

63: would you change your name?

Currently, no

64: would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 

My mom?? Of course not

65: your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 

Does the ‘opposite sex’ really matter? But anyways, idk maybe I’ll just act normally until said best friend talks to me about it. We’ll figure something out.

66: do you have a friend of the opposite sex (again?) who you can act your complete self around?

Yeah I do

67: who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

A classmate

68: who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My close friend

69: do you believe in soulmates?

No

70: is there anyone you would die for?

I sound really mean but, no

[neureaux]

alright, so something not chill happened on my last day but hear me out (if u want lol) bc it turned out to be kind of good? for me

so, it’s the day before the last, and i’ve gotta change hotels to one closer to the airport to be better situated for my flight. so i’m plodding along with my walker, and i stop off for a final glass of wine before i go and check my email and they’d cancelled my reservation randomly. ok. so i realised i’d literally been spending into the hotel money because they’d put it back into my account so i panic and eventually end up calling my older brother (even though we like don’t talk) and he sends me juuust enough cash because i didn’t wanna ask my partner or my friends to deal with anymore of my stuff or to keep having to help me. ok.

so i’m on the tram there, it takes forever but i’ve got music so it’s chill, i’m tired af and it’s been not a great day for the feels so i’m stoked to get back and check into my new room. i get off the tram, and start walking what looks like a short distance on the map, but i realise my battery’s getting low. it’s fine, it’s like not a long walk and we got power saver mode. so i keep on trucking, ‘till i notice a growing stinging in my back and hips has gotten to a point where it was making movement difficult and i’m like, ‘yo how long have i been walking?’ bear in mind, i quickly realised that these roads were suuuper fucked up (like alternating terrain dirt roads/rocks etc) and i was trying to control a FULLY loaded walker and a pull along suitcase precariously hooked onto one side and it was *not* going well. anyway, i look closely at the route and realise my ass is 1.5 miles away, and there’s no fucking transport there. at this point i obviously can not afford the taxi that it would make sense to immediately call. so, i keep walking and decide i’m walking a couple miles today.

now in the last half a mile or so, my phone dies without warning and that’s sort of where shit hits the fan, ‘cause we can’t figure out directions without our phones (at least, i can’t) and so i get lost almost immediately AND have no music and my thoughts just catch up with me, especially with my body in this much pain, the underfoot terrain getting worse and worse like that and me having to twist and wrench my spine to drag my suitcase out of potholes and bigger and bigger muddy ditches, after a while i’d been waking for legit hours and i was just like... despairing lmao. so, there’s this weird, dark, wet and DEEP ravine/ditch and obviously i get stuck in it all the while not really knowing where i am, and i’m in so much pain and i’m panicking, the way out looks so steep and impossible and i was going over and over how simple the solutions to avoid things like this actually were/are when your life is normal/starts normally and thought of a taxi and why i couldn’t get one, how much the crazy awful luck in my life affects even the most simplest of things and makes them a battle for me and how much everyone i love always has to slog it out with me or give something they have for me to even be on an even playing field to experience normal things or be normal and how much of a gross, bad luck riddled anchor i felt like to everyone i know and love and i finally settled on the fact that i knew that i genuinely felt like they would be better off if none of them knew me and i just fucking lost. my. shit. it was totally private and there was nobody around except for passing cars on a motorway i’d spotted over the top of the ditch past the steep drop, it must’ve been about 30-40 meters deep if not more. i fucking screamed over and over again at the top of my lungs, and i cried from my gut, like an unfiltered child, open mouthed and just roaring, i must have sounded like i was legit fucking dying but looking back, it was catharsis. in London, there aren’t many places where you don’t have to worry about other people or your neighbours and cap your tears and your sadness and blunt and mute your feelings and it’s the same in your everyday life there too, pretending things hurt less than they do and forcing yourself to endure shit you don’t want to and do it with an acceptable amount of feeling only; too much is too much and too little is as if it never happened at all - point is, there’s so much emotional complexity in being a societal participant and loved one in London and in that moment i was alone, in a foreign country, my body was giving up and my muscles burned, and i was freezing, i was tired and my heart was heavy with pain and i knew i had no choice but to take this steep drop or force my body to walk like an hour backwards to get out which i knew i couldn’t physically handle and i just let it rip i guess, the space around me seemed almost endless and dark, and i just screamed and cried for a while in a way that i’ve wanted to for months and let out some emotions that i had wrestled to the back of my mind. and then after a while i put my walker in park, jammed my cane into the mud and grass inside the ditch grabbed the pull handle of my suitcase and dragged it up the hill that seemed impossible at my own pace and with my own adapted methods, gradually tugging it up there literally screaming in both anguish and pain lol.

i must have looked insane, honestly but there was nobody out there to help, and i had tried to find help or flag someone down when i still had access to the road and it was just desolate, like 3 cars an hour type shit and by the time it got to that point i looked crazy so they weren’t particularly inclined to stop, i don’t blame them. it felt like it took forever and the triumph of actually making it was short lived, because i had to go back for my walker with everything on it which obviously was 1. really, really hard without my walker lol and 2. Impossible looking because of the steepness AND wet, slipperiness of the hill and how much i had already struggled with something much lighter and 3. pain??? so i knew instantly that it would be way harder but i just did the same, i’m not even sure how really? it took me way longer but i just dragged it up screaming, mud everywhere, i felt like that one anecdote of a mother lifting a car off of her child with sheer adrenaline and maternal instinct my sweet dudes. lmao, it must have been an aaaabsolute sight and i could not make this shit up.

so i reach the top right, i’m heaving and i’m on the side of the motorway with my bags and shit and i’m just crying openly on the motorway now i don’t give a fuck, like i was too tired to dance emotionally for the cars & act ‘together’ lmao and after a while somehow i just start like limping down the side of it, and the crying was just like some feeble autopilot mode shit and my whole face was like numb, and it was just a few minutes before this kind Muslim man stopped at the side of the road and i told him my phone was dead and we googled my hotel’s address and he’d told me the hotel was like a few minutes away and showed me on the map, and he was like ‘hop in’ and i’m like ‘fuck it, i’d probs die if i kept trying to walk and drag all this shit with me anyway’ so i hop in the car and he takes me back there, and i avoid eye contact and stop crying pretty much when i get in and say than you and besides some crying on and off from the relief of my hotel room, the tears tapered off. i still felt pretty bad but i spoke to my younger brother for a few hours (who i was actually trying to call earlier when i spoke to my elder one) and he made me feel better and sent some cash for breakfast etc. he said that he feels similar sometimes, but there’s something positive we can take from every moment of pain, and he’s the one that pointed out that like, maybe i needed a place to do that? despite him wishing i didn’t have to hurt myself and walk for miles to find it, maybe in some strange way it was a bit serendipitous because i never have the space to feel the pain that having less conventional lives like ours brings and i think he’s right at least in part.

regardless, besides telling one of my friends the cliffnotes, i gotta go back and essentially pretend that this didn’t happen and i’ve probably gotta downplay it to that friend - and that’s sort of why i think i needed it. we can’t really react to having lives like this in the ways that it deserves to be reacted to, as adults we’re confined and constricted and there’s sort of a conveyer belt fashion feel to emotions and How To Feel Appropriately with added layers as brits, especially with also being emotionally close with a couple of people that aren’t emotionally developed enough to handle emotions that may or may not be a bit extraordinary or ‘a lot’ occasionally(e.g. a trauma survivor in crisis), so you have to kind of guide them through your pain and make sure you don’t scare them with the force of it lol. so as much as i didn’t really get to express myself to anyone in my life in a way that felt 100% or really get to feel even sort of understood by anyone except someone that had experienced some of the trauma with me, i got it out of me and in that moment i was honest with me, and my emotions, feelings and experiences and i felt like i faced that pain and i looked at it for what it was and how i perceived it at that moment. it honestly almost feels like an epiphany for me, but we’ll have to see about when i get home.

i’ve got a bunch of stressful shit to sort out when i come home and like i always say, i have to clean up and do damage control for the effects of 2018 (and like january honestly) and this isn’t to say i won’t cry sometimes or feel overwhelmed or stressed, i’m not an idiot but i feel like The Big Cry has happened, and i’ve taken something away from that and i can choose to let that something be useful to me, or not. i think it’ll be healthy for me to choose the former in the long run. so honestly i guess the moral here is like go scream in the woods or smth i don’t know lol, conventional solutions aren’t always the remedy or part of catharsis for unconventional pain and you never know, some small part of you might feel relieved that it’s not just bouncing around inside of you and damaging shit that it touches even symbolically - but i just know that i feel a little less... something

[minhyyuu-blog]

…SHOULD WE KNOW US A LITTLE BETTER TAG…

tagged by @markhyuck-is-real-af​ thank you  ❤️

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 ppl… (lol you wish idk for now who to tag I’ll add sb later but 20 is impossible)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: apple and pineapple juice

2. Phone call: my brother, just a second ago haha (I’m going to visit him next week, he lives in different country)

3. Text message: to my friend, I was asking her when we can meet

4. Song you listened to: EXO-CBX - Ka-CHING!

5. Time you cried: a couple months ago when I argued with my mum (idk why I always cry when I’m angry O.o and almost never when I’m sad)

6. Dated someone twice: the same person? no (I can’t imagine dating sb twice)

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i never regretted kissing someone fortunately

8. Been cheated on: nope

9. Lost someone special: yes, a boy who I had a crush on and also I my grandma died 10 months ago and she was the closest person for me

10. Been depressed: yes, as a young child (which is kind of wierd)

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I was drunk a few times but I have never trown up (and also I never had a hungover O.o)

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: red, pink, black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yes, I started studying at a university so I met many lovely people *.* (God bless them)

16. Fallen out of love: nope

17. Laughed until you cried: of course

18. Found out someone was talking about you: no, fortunately

19. Met someone who changed you: yes (my uni friends, my teachers, many people tbh)

20. Found out who your friends are: I don’t really know what it means

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: not during the last year (oh, wait but maybe I kissed some of them on the cheek)

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: 90% (I don’t know how it’s possible but I invited some Pakistani and Indian people into my friends when I was about 13 and even when I’m trying to unfollow them they keep coming back ._. like how)

23. Do you have any pets: most recently I used to have a guinea pig but he died 2 years ago

24. Do you want to change your name: my name and surname is like Jane Doe in my country so I’m seriously considering changing my name (even if I like my first name) but I’m afraid that people won’t get used to my new name and I’m also afraid of red tape (idk if I’m using the phrase right)

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I only remember eating cake with my mum

26. What time did you wake up: 10am I was so tired… because I was waking up at 4am for the last 3 days

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I fell asleep at 10pm last night when I was reading a book and I didn’t even wash off my makeup so yeah I was sleeping

28. Name something you can’t wait for: for my US history exam results (I want to live in peace at last)

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a week ago

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: have more close friends who I can talk to sincerly

31. What are you listening right now: right now -> nothing. but recently I was listening to NCT 127′s Cherry Bomb album, Monsta X’s whole discography (I got into them when Beautiful came out so quite recently), WJSN’s “Happy” and Be.A’s “Magical” on repeat

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: my cousin has a name which directly translates to Tom so yeah

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: people who walk slowly duh

34. Most visited Website: one stupid website with memes from my country. if I visit it once more pls somebody turn off my wifi. the people here have so stupid  opinions and I still keep reading the comment’s. I’m a damn masochist.

35. Elementary: finished

36. High School: finished

37. College: (it’s university in fact) I studied sth different before and now I finished the first year of sth else

38. Haircolor: very, very dark brown (looks like black when I’m not outside)

39. Long or short hair: long? i guess

40. Do you have a crush on someone: nope

41. What do you like about yourself: my looks (lmao), that I’m good with languages and that I’m hardworking

42. Piercings: none (but I have plans to pierce my ears [not only the rugular ones ;-)])

43. Bloodtype: Brh+

44. Nickname: none?

45. Relationship status: single (I’m sad about it tbh)

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV Show: ghost adventures (don’t judge) and documentaries about the Earth (I don’t remember the name rn)

49. Tattoos: I’m planning to get one but I’m not 100% sure (I had a wierd dream that I should get one and it seems interesting for me)

50. Right or left: right handed (?) but I can use both my hands

51. Surgery: I had sth done on my lungs when I was a child

52. Piercing: none

53. Sport: I used to train swimming

55. Vacation: ????? (my dream vacation would be Montenegro or other Balkan countries)

56. Pair of trainers: ???? what?

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: (like my favourite?) smoothies, all veggies, Chinese cuisine, spicy food, lentils, peanut butter (I albsolutely love it)

58. Drinking: coffee, green tea, water

59. I’m about to: go to sleep

61. Waiting for: Red Velvet’s comeback, my last exam’s results and to visit my brothers

62. Want: to live peacefully

63. Get married: rather not

64. Career: I’m studying to be a translator (but my second dream is to be a singer or composer or both and traslator also)

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: kisses (I’m so awkward when sb tries to hug me *blush*)

66. Lips or eyes: eyes

67. Shorter or taller: it’s impossible to be shorter than me :-P

68. Older or younger: doesn’t matter as long as the difference is not bigger than 5 years

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: nice arms. what do they mean by nice stomach?

71. Sensitive or loud: loud? oh hell no, I’d die. so sensitive is better (tbh I find it very cute)

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant (I’m the troublemaker I don’t need a second one :-P)

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: nope (and I wouldn’t)

75. Drank hard liquor: I prefer hard liquor tbh

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I don’t wear glasses nor contact lenses

77. Turned someone down: for sure, even if I don’t remember anything in particular right now

78. Sex in the first date: too fast in my opinion

79. Broken someones heart: I did break sb’s heart, I’m sorry.

80. Had your heart broken: not really

81. Been arrested: nope

82. Cried when someone died: yes (how can someone not cry when their loved ones die?)

83. Fallen for a friend: yes, and I hve hurt him so bad I’ll never forgive myself for that even if it was years ago

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: most of the times but it’s like a sinusoid

85. Miracles: maybe they’re possible sometimes

86. Love at first sight: no……… I’d rather call it infatuation or fascination or lust

87. Santa Claus: no (I never believed in him even as a child O.o I always knew that my parents were the ones who gave me presents)

88. Kiss in the first date: kinda too fast

89. Angels: not really

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: I’d prefer not to say that here

91. Eyecolor: dark gray

92. Favorite movie: The Sixth Sense (from 1999 with Bruce Willis) and horror kovies in general or some moves that convey useful message

I’m tagging: anyone from my friends who wants to do it (but maybe @jinhobbit (if it’s not too personal) or @xuanyisgfriend (same here) @thesketchykoifish @penguinsoo0112