#long penis

[midnight-coffeebreak]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The musical episode.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[calicorobin]

guys who sit in front of you at the theater and talk during the entire duration of the movie

[gaylabrat]

what doesn’t kill you makes your dick longer

this is because penis enlargement is not a method used to terminate the life of a human being

[thankstothe]

Liners

[dimensionzero]

every major character's screentime in across the spiderverse

miles morales: 1 hour, 26.5 minutes

gwen stacy: 56.5 minutes

miguel o'hara: 23 minutes

rio morales: 20 minutes

jeff morales: 17.5 minutes

the spot: 14 minutes

peter b (& mayday) parker: 9.5 minutes

hobie brown: 9.5 minutes

george stacy: 9 minutes

pavitr prabhakar: 8 minutes

jess drew: 5.5 minutes

margo kess: 3.5 minutes

ben reilly: 1 minute

peni parker: 20 seconds

spider-man noir: 10 seconds

spider-ham: 10 seconds

[nilotheberryboy]

The fact that Gwen and Peni had to suffer seeing different versions of their dead Peter is so funny to me(they have a close relationship in my mind)

[desibrownboys]

[trentbent069]

Tumblr's Turn To Cry...With Laughter... 🤣

So I've come to the climatic conclusion that I need to get it off my chest to my whole family that I'll never get to climax cum inside a woman who won't ever allow me to help get her bra off HER chest... I've been lying to them for too long that I'm regularly getting to fuck a woman... So I'm going to organise an outing birthday party with me in my repulsively unattractive birthday suit, including the guest whose vagina was the only one I was ever allowed inside of up until my birth date, with the best Champagne to symbolise the ejaculatory "popping of a cork" that I will never get to celebrate in my entire penile cherry life... But on the list of gifts, wanted by the non-god's-gift-to-women I am, I'm going to include a blow-up doll to publicly display to them the only "woman" I stand a chance of sex with...

Party games will include a version of "pin the tail on the donkey" and the most attractive male-stripper guest being stripped naked, by the most attractive female guest, to rub it in even more how pathetic-looking the fat-ass I am in the penile department compared to him being hung like one of those equine creatures... And also my own version of pass the parcel, among female-only guests and the winner getting to open up a pack of condoms in which to enjoy party sex with the horse-sized stud...

And party tunes will include the follow-up song to It's My Party... But it's the turn of EVERY attending guest to laugh at my naked sexual worthlessness I accept and don't cry at...

And not to forget the party food and a COCKtail sausages on a stick - to replicate all the stick my forgettable COCKtail-sausage-sized maggot inadequacy will have to endure during the celebration of my enforced celibate lifestyle...

But first, I need to find a man to knock me up a specially designed wooden closet... In which I can enter fully dressed but exit fully undressed with a full-glory view of what is displaying its own naturally infertile blank-firing "wood" of no good to knock a woman up and so not requiring the winning packaged sheaths for another reason other than I won't ever be permitted the safe sex to need them...

[puppyeared]

Dumb fuck discord doodles /affectionate

The last one is a scene from a fix called Moon Sick!!

[lazzarella]

Imagine being a cute little boxer, walking to the mini mart for a bottle of water after a night out, blissfully unaware that the hot annoying doctor you wanted to punch in the face with your mouth will be nearby and drunk and horny and follow you there, perform the most bizarre mating ritual known to man, confidently assuming you're confused and aroused instead of just plain confused because apparently he's a total weirdo, then pout and pass out and snuggle up to you, and you have to take him home because you can't leave him there, and from there it's piggyback rides and Netflix BL series and chill and all you wanted was a bottle of water 

[official-penis-posts]

Check out the lawn outside Lenox Baker Children's Hospital in Durham, North Carolina

Awww yeeeaah

[fuchinobe]

(1989, Acid Records, AC 441) Novelty version of Maurice - This Is Acid (1988)

[tyrianludaship]

Imagine dressing up pretty for your F/O's...

Soldier giddily clasping his hands together, with a beaming smile, as you tip the helmet slipping over your eyes up with one hand, as the other holds a rifle over your shoulder. You got the nicest army uniform, with a lovely patch of the American flag or three decorating you. You will be an anti-commie-hippie-nazi force together.

Demo's scrumpy pouring from his bottle to the floor, as he watches you, slack-jawed, in the garb of an ancient Scottish warrior, furs reminiscent of explosions, and a beautiful sword serving as little more than decoration. The thing is heavy, but as he put it, you look bloody mesmerising.

Heavy sighing wistfully, as his eyes study your dress, befitting a knyaz, or a tsar, the hefty jewellery of bullets weighing your neck, head, and hands down, as you try to stand with a straight back, the very model of a painted figure he'd admire on the pages of history books. He's already pretty quiet, but, he is utterly speechless this time.

Engineer whistling lowly, as he admires you from the cowboy hat, down to the spurs, several handsome tools in place of a gun in your holster. Caterin' just to him, that you are, with the proud combo of his spirit and his passions in your clothes. Yer spoilin' him, he says with a shy smile.

Medic gasping softly, as he watches you twirl in your nurse dress, half-laughing half-ooh'ing and aah'ing at every little detail that reminds him of home. The hat, the suspenders, the boots, it's a little silly to most, but to him, you're the best, cutest assistant he could ever ask for! ... Excuse his excitement, schatz, he's just very pleased to see you, is all.

Sniper murmuring "Holy Mother of...", looking at you above his sunglasses, and from under his hat, his face getting even longer - the hunter-esque attire is a personal attack. And the handsome rifle you apparently got as a gift for him, and presented with the rest of yourself? When you already look like Cupid himself gave you an unseen bow to strike his heart with? Crikey, he's in love...

Spy raising his brows, and giving an appreciative "Hmm!", as he nods. The béret? The classy, yet casually appropriate suit? You could approach him anywhere any day, and his focus on the façade of suave calm might dwindle just a little bit. Positively enchanting, he says, eyes fluttering just a tad too dreamily to truly hide how enamoured he is.

Miss Pauling stammering and stumbling over her words, when you catch her off-guard. You look really nice- That's what she's trying to say, yeah, because the way you did your hair, and the shoes, and the tie- Is that a gun in the hidden inner pocket of your jacket? That's, wow, she- Can she look at it? And also generally move closer to you? For no reason at all, you're just so gorgeous- ... Did she say that out loud?

- Penis Anon. (Jumpscare again.)

[prolibytherium]

There's a LOT of things people do wrong when constructing fantasy beliefs in pantheons of gods, but one of the more specific is having only one god related to fertility and it kind of being just a horny sex thing.

Like you'll have one in the entire bunch whose sphere is listed as fertility and it's basically like Yeah this is the sex one. She's always depicted naked (but not TOO naked because censorship and/or the writer's own skittishness). She's going to have the exact body type epitomized in contemporary western beauty standards and there's usually no chance in hell that she's gonna be fat (unless MAYBE they're referencing 'venus' figurines). Her thing is fertility, which means having sex and making babies. Might be a goddess of beauty or love or marriage too, because these are kinda sex things, but that's probably it. And yeah that sort of thing is virtually nonexistent in real life.

Like the concept of fertility is so fundamentally important to the function of most societies in human history in ways that it is just Not in industrialized imperial core countries. Most people are getting food from stores, and not having to worry about harvesting crops or breeding livestock or foraging for food or having enough animals to hunt, so fertility only really comes up as a concern if you're trying to have kids (and there is certainly societal pressure to have children, but your wellbeing and survival is rarely going to Depend on it). And I think writing only from that perspective and not even trying to learn about WHY fertility is so conceptually important is why you see this trend.

There's no absolute universal statement about how people believe in gods but it's broadly accurate that systems with many deities will Usually have more than one deity associated with fertility, and these associations will certainly include human reproduction but also the fertility of livestock/hunted animals, plants, the land itself.

Some fertility deities may also be heavily associated with seasonal changes or environmental factors that agriculture or foraging is dependent on (spring/summer/fall, seasonal rains, seasonal flooding, rain itself, sunlight, good soil, rivers, wetlands, etc). Some certainly might be related to love, marriage, sex, and beauty, but that's VERY RARELY going to be the sole way the concept of fertility is embodied. And they'll often will have other associations not directly about fertility, or related to fertility in culturally specific ways.

[milimeters-morales]

Hobie can and will carry his friends around when they’re walking slow as hell/getting distracted and he really doesn’t feel like being patient. Gwen in one arm and Miles in the other with Pavitr standing horizontal on his back, Hobie has places to be and he isn’t letting them stop him. He’s hardly ever on time to anything, so the things he wants to be on time for are very important to him.