#looking back on this later down the line could give me insight into how much ive learned

[fourohfourlifenotfound]

I use compression gloves to handle my chronic pain. I get called "badass" for wearing them. This is irritating in ways I find hard to voice.

Like, my silly little compression gloves are far less badass than someone dealing with a mobility device in public. Those of you who do are badass for withstanding the ableism that those devices bring you.

I know this is completely obvious, but I think there's something to be said about encountering ableism for using assistive items because they don't fit into society's aesthetic standards. My compression gloves only look "badass" because, to the average member of society, they look vaguely like something they saw the caricature of a "punk/goth/emo" teen wearing

[drconstellation]

First-Order Archangels

Part 1: Maybe You'll Spot An Archangel

GABRIEL: I told you you could ask. However, I am the only First-Order archangel in the room, or, you know, the Universe, so I'm not gonna answer so much. But you feel free to knock yourself out with all the asking.

While I was writing my meta series The Passion Of Jimbriel it became fairly obvious to me there was something more going on between Crowley and Gabriel in S2 than just the numerous pointers to Crowley's pre-fall angel status. They are acting as both parallels and foils to each other, and in places you can swap their characters and get the same story at a different time – and that just opens up a whole new window of context and insight into things. For pre-reading, see this meta from @vidavalor that nicely lists some obvious parallels. It doesn’t mention everything though, so I’m going to discuss parts in more detail.

A foil is a character who contrasts with the protagonist, to highlight or differentiate certain qualities between the characters. Crowley and Gabriel do this because they have come from essentially the same place, and share some story elements, but they still end up in different places.

There is a lengthy original discussion about Crowley's pre-fall angel status here, for pre-reading. It points out the obvious and some not so obvious points that ops have noticed in S2 telling us about Crowley's pre-fall status. Rather than just go through them all again, I'd like to look at some other scenes in S2 that also tell us something about both the similarities and the differences between these two high-powered entities as I go along. In addition, I’ve done a series of posts looking at Gabriel as a shoulder angel (links at the end of post,) because quite often he’s on the demonic left-hand side – which makes sense when you realize he’s a Crowley parallel.

Take the arrival of Gabriel to Whickber St and the bookshop. I’ve already mentioned this parallel story line a couple of times now, but lets look at it again in more detail. It mirrors the opening of S1E1 where the serpent climbs the wall of the Garden of Eden, morphs into a demon and starts to converse with the angel standing on the wall.

Back in the present day, we have a Gabriel, who also tends to present on the sinister-side, walking up to the gate of the present day Garden (the bookshop), which is still guarded by the same angel as it was 6000 years ago, and basically tells Aziraphale he has “fallen.”

How to we know this? It is a reference to the Fall of Man, when Adam and Eve ate the apple the serpent offered them, they suddenly became aware of their nakedness, and hid from God. Gabriel has already upset the love-apple tomato cart on his way to the door of the bookshop, its a sign of the chaos to come.

The fallen angel is not sure of his name, so he prompts with a question…

And asks for shelter under the (reluctant) angel’s wing..

But there is one thing he does know, the one thing that drew him to Aziraphale in the first place:

AZIRAPHALE: Then why did you come to my shop? GABRIEL: I don't know. I just thought I should. You know what it's like when you- when you don't know anything at all, and yet you're totally certain that everything would be better if you were just near one particular person?

Later, Aziraphale realizes that he must give Gabriel a new name to hide him – because fallen angels take on a new name, don’t they? Just like Crowley did.

Then we get a confession:

Which is what Crowley loves about Aziraphale as well - that bit of unpredictability, because you know how humour kind of works? It throws the unexpected at you.

Early on in S2 we find out they are both in trouble: first His Royal Smugness, then Our Hero himself. Our view is turned upside down, with the angel made the bad guy and the demon the good guy who needs to win. But both of them are being hunted by Shax.

Then we get one of the early clues pointing to Crowley's high status as an angel:

SHAX: A miracle of enormous power happened last night. The kind of miracle only the mightiest of Archangels could've performed. CROWLEY: Mm? SHAX: Somewhere very close to your friend's bookshop. Are you telling me you don't know what caused it? CROWLEY: How'd you know I didn't do it?

Shax stalks and threatens both of them, sometimes at the same time:

Another parallel Gabriel and Crowley shared in S2 were associating their identity - no, lets rephrase that - "essence" was one description I've seen - with boxes.

Gabriel arrives with a box that strategically covers his front, and quickly tosses it aside once Aziraphale opens the door to the bookshop. It lies forgotten until Gabriel mentions it a while later. Inside it is the fly from Beelzebub - an object from Hell - so it really needs to be 'invited' across the threshold of the bookshop by Aziraphale to be able to enter. The box initially appears to be empty, Once inside, the fly is free to roam. It has a message written on one side of it.

The same goes for the matchbox. Message included.

ah, wot? you say. Yep.

The matchbox represents Crowley, probably in more ways than one, but I'll just go through the stuff relevant to this meta here.

I notice I'm not the only op to connect the line from the Book of Job on the side of the matchbox with Crowley. The line is from Verse 41, which talks about Leviathan. Among the various shapes it is described to take is a great sea serpent. This deserves its own meta for further discussion, which I plan to do after this one, because yes, Crowley is Leviathan in disguise, but there is much more to it than that. But for now, just know that the matchbox is Crowley.

Once you know this, it makes sense that Muriel finds it - a discarded cardboard box by the front door to Heaven - and deals with a material object that shouldn't by rights exist in Heaven. Then a certain demon finds Muriel lurking outside during the siege on the bookshop at the end of S2E5, and talks them into letting the certain demon be escorted up into Heaven where he doesn't belong, where he's free to roam around - only he needs a guide because he's not sure where to go. Ah Muriel, you poke the Serpent, he's going to poke you back. Good thing he likes you, and it just was a gentle nudge.

Two empty boxes, two cases of memory-loss. That is what S2 seems to suggest to us at first glance.

Gabriel's seems to be the most straight forward in hindsight - find the fly and restore Gabriel to his original "Gabriel-ness." But its more complicated than that. When pushed to remember, his lilac eyes return and another voice can be heard speaking through him of the past. This happens twice, with the second one being part-prophecy. What is really triggering these episodes of channeling? Is it God or someone else speaking through him? We really aren't sure at this point in time.

Then there are questions around Crowley's memory. Did he have his memory wiped when he fell? Was it wiped repeatedly? Was it not wiped at all, and he just pretends he doesn't remember? Neil has even said he is an unreliable narrator about his own Fall, so who are we to trust at this point? Crowley does seem to understand in the end some of the problems Gabriel is having with his absent memories and that brings them to a temporary truce.

Both Aziraphale and Michael inspect their respective "empty" boxes, and neither notices anything obviously amiss. Gabriel's box just seems empty to Aziraphale, he takes no notice of the fly container in there, and archangel Michael tentatively inspects the matchbox brought to them by Muriel but nothing seems out of place there either.

Crowley's change in costume in Heaven during his little infiltration caper with Muriel is also another clue to his past status as an archangel. He has a silvery-gray suit, similar in style to Saraqael's to reinforce the link with them, but at the same time he is also mocking the other archangels and their elite status. We've assumed for a while now that the appearance of the tactical turtleneck signals that Crowley is up to something sneaky or spy related, but I'm starting to think it also relates to a bit of a power play (and Crowley certainly laid the power on for Mr Brown in the pub!) Looking back at S1, Gabriel's not adverse to wearing one either when he needs to be at his worst (or best. Your choice.)

The way one dresses is a way of expressing and reinforcing authority, and its something both Gabriel and Crowley do without much thought. They have been used to being in a position of power and/or independent authority for much of their existence, and I would say that even if Crowley is a few steps down now from where he started, and he's more cautious around those higher ranking than him than he used to be, he still retains that knowledge of what its like to be at the top.

Crowley's usual near all-black costume is a form of power dressing in itself. Whether is was in the past, when black was an expensive color to buy and maintain in clothing, or in the present day, we are still respectful of those in a stylish cut of black.

Gabriel's impeccable tailoring as Supreme Archangel also commands respect. So it's no wonder that one of Gabriel's first requests on regaining his memories was to ask for new clothes! He wasn't just being the vain archangel we believe him to be (although, I think there is still some of that) you also need to consider the elements of the reference characters that went into his shop assistant character: Granville, the belittled shop assistant nephew from the sitcom Open All Hours, who got stuck with all the shop duties from his uncle and felt like life was passing him by, and the silly Monty Python gumbies, that complained of hurting brains - lovable and much loved characters, but not ones you'd really want to be forever. We all want to be loved, but we want to be respected as well.

For all his fierce posturing around Gabriel, there is a brief moment in S2E3 where Crowley backs down and treats Gabriel as an equal - and that is reflected in a change of dress as well. His outside jacket off and sleeve-garters on, Crowley sports a look we haven't seen since S1 when he was home alone in his Mayfair flat. He patiently explains gravity to a curious Gabriel and then describes his "Operation Lovebirds" plan to his puzzled companion. He admits he hasn't "done weather in ages." It's just a quiet, charming moment, watching two ex-archangels get along together.

You're smiling, aren't you?

This meta continues in Part 2: Foils of War, where the differences between Gabriel and Crowley get explored in more detail, and how Aziraphale and Beelzebub act as mirrors to each other a few times as well.

This meta is part of a series on Gabriel: Gabriel as a Shoulder Angel: S1 Study S2 Study Part 1: Ep.1 The Arrival and Ep. 2 The Clue S2 Study Part 2: Ep.3 I Know Where I'm Going and Ep. 5 The Ball S2 Study Part 3: Ep.6 Every Day

First-Order Archangels Part 2: Foils of War

First-Order Archangels Part 3: Seeing Eye to Eye

[garchu-garchu]

Guys, I love Ace as a character. He's cool, he has an interesting story and growth, I love that he has a (quite literally) fatal flaw, and his parallels with Luffy are very nice...

BUT.

I'll always die on the hill that his death doesn't hit as hard as it could have. When Impel Down/Marineford comes by, we barely know anything about Ace himself. He has had such minimal screentime. We know and care for Luffy of course, so his unwavering determination to save his brother compels us to care too because we want Luffy to succeed, and Ace was a nice guy back in Alabasta so we have a shallow bond with him. We also know that he got caught in the first place because he wanted to defend Luffy, so it adds to that brother bond. That alone is part of why we care for his death - because it hurts seeing Luffy lose his brother after EVERYTHING he has done to save him. After he was already technically saved. It's a very touching scene to follow from Luffy's perspective, and Ace's last words are heartbreaking and bittersweet. It's very hard not to feel emotional because the scene is very well written.

But just IMAGINE if we had gotten the ASL backstory before. Of course, I'd tone down the "I'm not going to die!!!" Ace constantly says to still keep the shock of his death, but it would've been MILES more impactful. The backstory is there to add more context to Luffy's grief (and does an amazing job setting up the "I still have my crew" line), and it still hurts when you look back and realize how tragic Ace's death was in retrospect - but we've already felt the bigger feelings!!! The "climax" has already happened and only now we're building up on it? Don't get me wrong, this retrospective storytelling format CAN totally work. But this time, I think Oda should've gone with the standard "backstory to build the climax" format he usually does in his writing. Retrospective storytelling often works best with smaller bits of info, mysteries, and plot twists - not something so big and special like a character death. It also works for Brook! I think it's very clever to have his backstory only be told in the latter part of the arc as closure. Because we already know what happened to his crew and we've learned to care for Brook through the arc, so the scene hits hard like a truck. It works because his backstory isn't very relevant to the arc's climax anyway, only for his own character growth.

The ASL backstory gives us so much more insight on both why this is important to Luffy and helps us understand Ace's character. To me, the most heartbreaking fact we don't know in a first watch and that I think we should is the fact that Luffy (assumedly) has already lost a brother. This completely changes the framework here. It adds a very huge layer on why Luffy is so set to save Ace at all costs. He's lost a brother before, and he's not about to lose another. He has a chance this time. Back with Sabo, they felt hopeless - but now he's strong enough to at least try. And yet, he loses. He's all alone now. He's lost both of his brothers. And that's such an important tidbit we only learn after the fact!!!

We also completely miss the fact that Ace felt alone and rejected by the world ever since he was a kid. Yet he had a whole fleet he saw as a family and his little brother show up in the main Marine base to fight against all the Admirals just to save his life. This adds a LOT of impact to his last sentences and to Whitebeard's sacrifice. Yet... we don't feel that at the moment, either. We only learn of this later (if I recall correctly, I could be wrong about this one).

I genuinely truly feel like showing the backstory before would've made Ace's death more emotional. To me, as it's written, it feels like punching Arlong without knowing why Nami was hurting. It feels like seeing the Nine Scabbards' annihilation without seeing Oden's backstory. Or seeing the Going Merry burn without watching the rest of Water Seven. These would all still be emotional and impactful scenes on their own, but the context makes us understand their stakes and the emotional weight behind them. Because as it stands, Going Merry's death made me cry a river... while Ace's death made me emotional, maybe got my eyes a little watery. And it's a shame because I'm sure I would've cried a river too if I knew the whole context.

[misfitdollies]

For autism awareness day this year a few months back, I had wrote a piece on G3 Twyla, autism representation as a whole, representation specifically for autistic women and girls, and my personal experience with autistic girlhood as a formally undiagnosed autistic girl. I never posted it here, so here is that piece now! Please remember that this is just my personal experience with autism focused media and it may not be relatable to everyone and that’s ok!

“She’s just like me”

🕸️

When Monster High came out, I was not yet diagnosed as autistic. I knew I was different and I was struggling to fit into a world that just wasn’t made for me, but I didn’t have a word to apply to those differences. It was like I was on the set of a film and everyone knew the script except me. I would try so hard to pretend I knew, but at the end of the day I didn’t and I would fall flat on my face with my attempts to improvise. It was exhausting. Monster High was my outlet. These little dolls in all their pink, gothy glory were something special, something I could escape with when the world was so incredibly confusing and neurotypical. The whole message behind the line was to be yourself after all and it stuck out so boldly to younger me, even if I wasn’t as aware of it as I am now. My dolls went everywhere with me, the store, my grandparents. Anywhere I went, they went. Looking back, my need to have them around me at all times was very much my autism making itself loud and clear. They made dealing with trying to be neurotypical when I wasn’t easier. 14 years later, my dolls still bring me that comfort they brought me back then. Coming home and being able to pick them up and interact with them after socializing and things I struggle with is a form of therapy to me.

Eventually I would be diagnosed with autism and lots of things made sense that didn’t before. My inability to be exactly like my neurotypical peers no matter how hard I tried suddenly made sense, as if a missing piece to a puzzle had suddenly been found and now it was complete. My autism diagnosis didn’t make me neurotypical. It didn’t suddenly flip a switch and make it easier to socialize, but it did give more insight into why I felt the way I did, why I acted the way I did.

The thing about having a diagnosis though, at least for me, is I wanted to seek out media that portrays people like me. Because having characters that look like you or act like you is nice and makes relating to the media you engage with easier, so of course I wanted to find characters I could relate to with my diagnosis, characters who acted like me because of it. I realized very quickly that that wouldn’t be the case. The amount of autistic characters that explicitly stated they were autistic was slim and when they were, they were often male or portrayed very stereotypically. Relating to people in the real world was hard enough, so to realize that a lot of the behaviors I had were written off as comic relief or boiled down to a cheap stereotype was salt in that wound. Characters that were relatable and well written often times just got the label of being eccentric and although I could relate to them because of the autistic coding, there still wasn’t that added layer of actually being autistic and I was left wondering if it was intentional by the writers or not. Not to mention, a lot of the times those very relatable characters happened to be men. Finding women on TV who I found relatable was an added layer to an already mile high struggle. Sure not all of it was bad, but enough of it was. Monster High was no different in that regard. They had characters I could relate to and a message that made me feel less abnormal, but at the end of the day, there wasn’t a character I could point at and go “hey, they’re autistic too!”

Flash forward to 2023 and Monster High has finally come back into the spotlight with an all new reboot and line of dolls. I’m still as obsessed with it as ever, but I’m an adult and have been diagnosed as autistic for many years now. Unlike the first reboot it had gone through, it’s well received and there’s a brand new show to accompany the characters who are very different from the original characters that they were based on. I was unsure of it when G3 was first announced, after all change is very hard for me, but by the first year of the reboot being in full swing, I’m invested and so happy to see this franchise that I love back on the shelves. Already I could find characters I related to, but again not one of them had the label of autistic, until they finally did. In January of 2023, it would be announced that Twyla would be Monster Highs first canonically autistic character. I cried so hard when I found out. A franchise which had helped younger me feel less out of place when I wasn’t diagnosed was introducing a character who was just like me. Not to mention she was also voiced by an autistic woman! It was so exciting, but it was nerve wracking too. Would she be a stereotype? Would they call her autistic and never touch on it again so she could appear neurotypical? I hoped and had faith she wouldn’t be, but after years of bad representation being some of the only representation you get, it’s hard to not worry that they would drop the ball with her. That same month though her music video would come out and it would very much change my view. She was shown flapping her hands, being sensitive to noise, and the lyrics highlighted things that were so clearly meant to represent her as autistic. She would make her first appearance in the show soon after and she would use the words “I am autistic” and explain what it was, but never once was it framed as a bad thing or a joke. I was just as emotional then as I was when they first announced her, because for once in my life I was seeing a character who was so much like me and it wasn’t being painted as a bad thing or used as the butt of a joke. I was seeing a character who I could relate to because they were autistic, not because they were some quirky character who might be autistic, but stating they are would just be too weird or annoying. I was filled with joy and my inner child was screaming with it alongside me. Now a year later they’ve expanded on Twyla more and her being autistic was definitely not a one off thing, she has even had a doll with noise canceling earplugs and her autism is a major part of her character. Even with that though, she isn’t just reduced to her autism. She has depth, she has interests.

I see people often times dismiss the representation in G3 as pandering or pointless, but Monster High has always been about inclusion and although it was by no means perfect or the best representation every time, at the end of the day the message of being yourself and accepting everyone for who they are has always been there. It’s easy to dismiss a character like Twyla as pointless and unnecessary, especially if you’ve always felt represented yourself. To always see character who is like you, who you can relate to is a privilege and isn’t something that is a reality for everyone. Somewhere out there though is a kid who is just like me, who struggles with eye contact and loud noises, who flaps their hands, who feels confused and unsure of how to navigate a world that just hasn’t adapted to accommodate people like them. Somewhere out there is a kid who hasn’t found a character that’s like them, who might find Twyla and finally have a character that they can relate to and that is so incredibly important. The ability to relate to characters that are like you and the ability to see characters that aren’t like you is so important. Representation is so important.

Twyla isn’t perfect autism representation and she doesn’t represent every autistic person, but she is good representation. Autism is a spectrum and it would be impossible to encompass the autistic experience into one character, but she is a start and hopefully there’s a point in time where there is a character like Twyla for all autistic people to relate to.

So to every autistic woman, girl, boy, man, and person, happy autism awareness and acceptance month! The world may seem so hard to navigate at times, it may seem unfair and it may not be built for people like us, but one day it will be. Keep advocating, keep stimming, and keep making everyone know that we are here and deserve to be seen and heard.

And to my dolls, who have always been so much more than just dolls to me.

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 119

Chapter 119: “Encounter”

Ever since the escape, the WM pen gave Emma hope, insight and a sense of direction, so seeing her drop something she held onto so tightly now that Norman is back is kinda satisfying I guess? He checks off all those boxes for her sorta. She doesn’t ditch it completely though as we see it used later on before the GF raid.

Goes without saying but the reunion was done so much better in manga. All the emotion from Emma reflecting on their time apart hits so hard and of course seeing all the tears they’re shedding contributes to all that too. Also love how they decided to give this moment a double spread as it helps convey that there’s no longer any space between them. The only thing that would’ve made this scene better (for me) is if Emma had knocked ‘em both down to the floor. I know Norman became taller and probably a bit stronger physically since Lambda, but with the amount of speed and force Emma is putting into that hug I’m surprised he’s still standing.

At least the anime remembered his squishy cheeks.

I know this is a very touching moment but honey, why do you gotta say this so causally?? You’re sure as hell ain’t gonna get it back either!

I guess another reason why the manga handles this whole reunion better is that it includes everyone, not just Emma & Ray. Yeah the anime had the escapees see Norman later at that temple they were hiding at, but it didn’t feel the same. As much as I can appreciate the fullscore trio having their own little moment for themselves, I like seeing everyone’s reactions all at once since there’s a wide range of emotions on display here. Emma also looks so pleased with herself with how large their family has become.

I wish there were more chapters focusing on Norman’s time at Lambda. With how closely he was being watched, I can’t help but wonder how he managed to efficiently communicate with Vincent and Smee and how he orchestrated the whole escape without raising suspicions from the demons and Ratri clan working there. (remember when i said no human (on our side) has killed another? well, i forgot about this whole scheme.. so it seems norman has quite the kill count, even if those were done indirectly by an explosion.)

Few chapters ago I wondered if Hayato & Jin knew to look for the escapees based on seeing Norman’s ID or if he told them both what to look for, and though I believed the latter was the valid reason, I can’t doubt the first option now either since his number is in plain sight. I know he typically hides it when outside paradise when attacking farms and making deals with demons so perhaps that’s why I even questioned it in the first place.

Big history lesson incoming.

Favorite panel/moment:

And to absolutely no one’s surprise, of course Ray slapping the hell outta Norman is my favorite. The anime pales in comparison to the sheer amount of power and lowkey rage behind manga!Ray knocking this boy on his ass. The shock on everyone’s face is hilarious as well. At least Norman is a good sport about it.

The rest of this moment is still sweet though, like Norman quoting the letter he left Emma and seeing my boy finally break and have some tears flowing makes me wanna hug him.

To hear the boy who cursed his life and had plans to end it all come around and say he’s happy to be alive is just.. aaahh so so very important!!!!

I do like how the anime gave us a better look at his face with this line though.

And I got nothing against the panel of Emma down below (because it is adorable how she questions her sudden inclusion in the hug), but I love how relieved she is upon hearing such words from Ray.

Stupid is a term of endearment. And I wish I could say we can never let this trio be separated ever again but.. you know. Stuff happens.

[nariism]

It's been forever since I've had the time to cuddle up and read a nice long fic, so after seeing 'where you are, wherever you may be' I got so excited because omg?? 12.4k words of Rin?? FROM YOU?? Never really been into soulmate aus but that did not stop me from eating this up !! Even the synopsis was so gorgeous to me, I could tell you cooked up another masterpiece that was going to re-alter my brain chemistry (and you did, I was so engrossed that I forgot that I had lost my voice)

(p.s, I struggled so much to pick which parts were my favourite, so I tried to stick to the shorter ones / put ... between the beginning and ends bc I don't want to end up sending your entire fic back into an ask :>)

For a moment, the universe goes quiet. He’s gotten so used to having everything on his mind all at once that the silence is almost unnerving...Itoshi Rin’s world ends with the bellow of a firework.

I'm in love with the way you characterise Rin and his inner conflicts, it's just so beautiful, the way you wrote his epiphany had me screaming. The descriptions are stunning too?? You captured reader's beauty AND Rin's emotions at the same time, the love at first sight and soulmate vibes got me all giddy. (it was a simple feature but I LOVED the narration in the brackets, it really amplifies Rin's emotions and offers more insight into his character)

He spends the rest of the night trying to forget your face. (And the next year trying to recreate it in his dreams.)

SCREAMING AND KICKING MY FEET?? HELLO?? I HAVE NO WORDS BUT W O W.

And screw you (affectionate) for the S** scene I WAS SAD ENOUGH ALREADY

Rin thinks about you just as much in the waking world as he does in his dreams.

I think about him that much too... (WHEN IS IT MY TURN??)

He comes to memorize every part of you, like how the sun kisses the horizon and the moon knows the tides.

Absolutely ethereal. I'm literally in love with this line like. what if I cried.

Suddenly, he’s thirteen again and gasping for air; screaming into his pillow and trashing their shared awards until his mother comes rushing in to stop him. He’s alone in a field, abandoned and crushed.

I WANTED TO GIVE HIM A HUG HERE MAN :( Itoshi angst always hurts but mama itoshi getting involved did it for me, just imagine her trying to calm young Rin down and comforting him TT o TT

“If I’m not hard on myself, I’ll never—” he stops, choking lightly on his spit. When you don’t interrupt, he shoves the popsicle back in his mouth. “Whatever. You wouldn't get it.” ... “You deserve to be a little kinder to yourself.”

“Just being able to stand here with you—” you glance at him again, only for a second. He can see the exhaustion in that moment, but he’s too selfish to pry. “—I think I’m the luckiest person alive.” “Even if…” He swallows harshly. It feels like shrapnel cutting down his throat. “Even if I can’t be more?” “Even so.”

I fucking adored the comfort from reader, it was so elegantly written and had so much warmth to it, like the feeling in your chest when you drink a hot cup of tea during a cold night. Rin and his self esteem issues (╥﹏╥) man I just want to give him a big hug

(The fireworks rage on, but in the end, all he can look at is you.)

THIS IS SO ROMANCE ANIME / DRAMA AODNAOISDNAOIDN (I thought of that one scene in weightlifting fairy,,, where she says the fireworks are pretty and he agrees but he's talking about her) this part got me weak in the knees wdym you choose to stare at y/n instead of the fireworks ITOSHI RIN YOU ADORABLE BASTARD

My heart dropped at Rin showing up three hours later than planned (AND without the yukata). Rin's struggles with vulnerability and how it consequently hurt reader had my heart aching, I WAS SO SCARED OF A BAD ENDING (even though the 2024 extract at the beginning showed that it ended well)

Every year he’s had the opportunity to read your expression: I’m tired of waiting. But he always foolishly assumed you would still wait around for him forever. That your patience would be as infinite as the stars in the sky. That just because he had the privilege of having his name scrawled down your pinky, he would be guaranteed to have you.

If he told you that, would you understand? Or would you try and claw his name off your skin?

Rin’s legs have never moved so fast. Not in football. Not even from his brother. If you were the light at the end of the tunnel then he would keep chasing you forever, he thinks. Until his wounded heart gave out.

I have no words. "if you were the light at the end of the tunnel then he would keep chasing you forever" THAT ANALOGY THOUGH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?? also loved how during the conflict part I wasn't siding with either character and understood both side's perspectives (kudos to y/n for being so strong bc idgaf if they were soulmates waiting for that long would've been exhausting)

7 July 2024. I wish I had the words to tell you how much I love you.

Ending was *chef's kiss* I was powering through this fic bc I was that eager to figure out what happens

Well done Soph !! 12.4k words is fricking amazing and you must've felt so proud after almost a year, this fic is easily my new favourite, it's just so gorgeous, beautiful and ethereal 😭 You're a writer I'm genuinely inspired by and I hope one day I can create something as elegant as your work some day (very sorry if this is inarticulate I've been pushing through practice for a competition while running off painkillers :] )

HIIII SOUTA HI omfg i love your analyses they never fail to make me smile huge because what the fuck you're so so so sweet T_T THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart to the tippy tip of my head to my feet for reading and putting so much thought into the words i (painstakingly 💀) strung together

i've written about rin before but i really wanted to do a deep dive about his relationship with his brother and how sae messed him up so bad, to the point where rin would deny something as definitive as a soulmate because he doesn't want to stop chasing his dream (smiting sae :p)

and I absolutely wanted it to read like a romance/slice of life/drama series, from the meeting to the kiss scene to the shrine. i'm glad it landed with a lot of people 😮‍💨

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR READING SOU I LOVE YOU SM 🫶 I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN/HAD FUN AT YOUR COMPETITION

[deaneverafter]

A Brief History of Crime

That time of the week, folks, when I've watched the episode a couple of times and I'm ready to talk about it 😌

We got some more possible background information about Beau, and I love that. The scene with Ivan, it makes me think that probably his brother or possibly his old partner, made a sacrifice or got hurt to protect Beau during whatever it was that led to his retirement 🧐😔💔😭 And I'd be remiss if I didn't say that there aren't enough words or praise in the world to do justice to his talent and hardwork, but I'm going to say it anyway, Jensen absolutely knocked it out of the park in the scene while stopping Ivan and talking about "Gil". It's so subtle that there's a deeper meaning there, but somehow he finds that line every time, making it subtle enough to feel real, to only make sense completely much later, but still effective enough to drive the point home, still obvious enough that it can't be missed.

It was cute how Beau's cowboy coat had elbow patches 🥺💟 And I thought there would be one cowboy hat, we got two 💯💯👌🏻🤠 I love that for Beau, but I also love that for Jensen! Also, red/maroon outfits two episodes in a row? 🥰😍❣💯 And his hair looked so cute all episode (me after every episode: his hair 🥺🥰! But also, his everything 😂✊🏻)

Poor Jenny, everyone keeps leaving her, or picking other things or people over her, and I just- 😭💔 It's just not okay. I can't believe that Gigi tipped off Ivan, sending a crazed with grief, armed man, into a situation that her daughter was in, just to steal from said daughter 😡 Katheryn absolutely nailed it 💯 Especially Jenny in the car and in her kitchen in that ending scene 😭😭💔💔 She's so heartbroken and sad, rightfully so, and it's visceral and palpable. I think someone, uhm, a certain green-eyed sheriff mayhaps, needs to be there for her, and console and comfort her 😭💔 Here's to hoping we get some scenes of him checking up on her, making sure she's okay, being a shoulder to lean on next episode.

Speaking of which, so many nice Beau and Jenny moments! They're so in sync he didn't even have to look to give her his hand, I- 💘💕🥺💯💅🏻 Him saying he can't leave because "You'd miss me too much." 🥰🥺💘💕✊🏻 Also "Let's just keep it professional, Hoyt, for now." For now, you say? 👀 One might understand that to mean things are about to get "unprofessional" later 😏 (and I, for one, am here for it 💕) When she said "He's not that cute." And you can see that she's trying trying to convince herself 🥰😏👀💕

I've been waiting since we got the "there's a new sheriff dropping by" video to see why he was wearing a wedding ring in that clip, and I'm not disappointed. Going undercover as a married couple with Jenny was my top hope for it 👌🏻 The whole undercover op, a dream come true. Undercover AND married?! 💯 I like that this is the first scenario Jenny jumped to. And Beau's little smirk as Jenny explained their undercover story, where they're married..... 👀 But also, Beau's the one who suggested going undercover together, and there's not a whole bunch of different scenarios with an adult man and woman to be investing together, so really, who took them undercover as a married couple together? 🧐 Both? Both. Both is good. 😌✊🏻💕 And them being so touchy, I don't know, that isn't strictly necessary for the undercover, is it? 😏👀💕

Also, Jenny seemingly teasing Beau that he could go back to Texas, but actually only saying it to gauge if he plans to stay, because she wants him to (and wants to know if she might be able to let her walls down with him?) 🥺💕 Plus, I don't know, it kind of felt like Beau showed up at Dewell and Hoyt to get some insight about how to help Jenny and be there for her 🥺✊🏻 I like that Beau and Jenny have had this dynamic so far where they're skirting the boundaries, trying to come to a place where they get the other to let them in, pushing and pulling. It makes it more real and deep. But I'm ready for them to let each other in, be there for each other 🥺💕

Looks like Cormac is going to possibly have a dark streak.....? And how's that going to work out with whatever might happen with him and Cassie? Excited for that angst.

Cassie to the rescue again, helping stranded men with their trucks ✊🏻 Something tells me this time however, she's not going to be making a new bro though. Which, I do like that they're being very gung ho on her and Beau having a very "bros being bros" thing, because after everything that went down with Cody, I don't think realistically, Jenny and Cassie's friendship can afford another instance of having a love triangle like that.

I went into the episode thinking Emily couldn't possibly get any more annoying and obnoxious, and then the whole episode Emily was like, did someone say I couldn't get more annoying and obnoxious? Watch this.gif. Like, A, her continuing to get involved in things that she has no business is bad enough, now Avery too? And the knife thing is so over the top, after treating Beau like trash for two episodes and (the better part of the past year and more, presumably). Like, now she cares about her father? Yeah, sure, very believable, really feeling the love, definitely not too little, too late. And of course, she never could be bothered to even pick up his calls, but now she wants to call him, not to talk to him, not to let him know she's okay so he won't be worried, but to send him on her personal errands. Okay 🙄

Carla's going to be showing up soon, and we've seen the interviews about how there might be lingering feelings, but the last thing I want is for Beau to be running after Carla, a woman who already left him once, and humiliating himself like that. That's something I just don't want for him, regardless of everything else. So I'm really hoping that this storyline doesn't go down some reconciliation path, but rather him realizing that he's over her, and has just been holding on to some idea of the family he used to have. He deserves more than to be running after her. And there's clearly something between Beau and Jenny, where the natural progression is them getting together, AND let's just say if they hurt my girl Jenny, by having a man leave her, running after a different woman, a third time, that's just not okay on so many levels. And these two facts taken together, well, am I saying Beau and Jenny endgame solves all our problems? No, but it solves 98% of them (I still want a scene where Jenny has to be held back physically, preferably by Beau so she doesn't get in trouble, from decking Carla and/or Avery).

Walt might be a killer, but he's such a fun character to watch, I'm hoping to see more scenes with him soon. He did essentially kill Mark, but I'm not convinced he's the only danger lurking around those woods 😱👻

[tesnuzzik]

Hi!

I absolutely adore your Efteling art. How do you capture the Anton Pieck style so well? I've been trying myself but it's quite tricky. Do you have any tips?

Hey! Thank you so much 💙 sorry for the late reply, I haven't been keeping up with this site as much lately;;

Honestly it's been a lot of trial and error before I managed to get the right aesthetic in my art, so I'll try to give some tips, but I do believe one of the most important things is to study the basics of art, colour, light, that sorta stuff, because it'll help you massively when trying to understand how other artists work! (But try to find more professional sources, I feel a lot of tutorials out there try to teach you their own specific steps rather than giving you insight on the progress).

Also don't back down from studying Anton Piecks work from up close, maybe even redrawing elements of it or experimenting with their colour. As long as it isn't all you end up doing and try to find the elements you enjoy most to add to your own thing, that should be fine! (My style is also inspired by other artists styles like Arthur Rackham, Tim Burton and the 20k series and games I've been into).

As for some actual more targeted tips:

- Find brushes that replica watercolour /pencils / ink that you like working with. I like giving my drawings a bit of a rough textured look, because traditional art isn't as clean as digital can be.

- When I just started with the style I liked to replica working traditionally with watercolour in Photoshop, meaning that I started out with light colours and worked my way up to darker tones later (Don't fear big light and dark contrasts tho!). I also work on 1 layer in this style a lot of times. But that's not a requirement;;

- I do my lineart during or after I colour. Usually I just darken my sketch lines, actually.

- Use an overlay with paper texture, although you could probably do without as well. Honestly I'm figuring this part out rn bc the layer I use makes my prints look ugly. Oops.

- Maybe try to do the style with traditional art too! I've done it a few times, limiting your tools and options, and experiencing traditional art does give you a good feel of what it can and can't do.

Like I said, this progress was a trial and error thing for me, so I never really made any ground rules for myself, so I hope these are clear enough and helpful;;

[understandsexedlj]

Mod 5 Responses

why do people engage in gender stereotyping? - It's because of upbringings. One you get the families that get men are king and everyone needs to bow down or you get the men aren't allowed to cry household, sometimes you get "I don't need no man" woman who act like men shouldn't exist. People's engagement is Soley based on the history of how they were raised.

Chapter 11 hit me the most. I'm 20 yrs. old, mom of two (4 and 1month) and I'm a wife to the man I've known for 7 years and married to for a little over 1 1/4th years. where we came from communication sucks and "love" mean getting laid. That chapter really helped open my eyes and educate me more on how to better our marriage and to help show our sons' how to function in a relationship, to end the broken love cycle.

I took from the discussions between classmates that it is believed to be possible for relationships to break the cycle of jealousy. it is a hard road but with willpower it could happen, just like if we break they issue that are faced when you get uncomfortable to self-disclosure there are ways approach self-discloser without the edge of bitterness.

How to Know If You Need Marriage Counseling (verywellmind.com)

I learned more about how to appropriately work on my marriage which I have issues with because of the communication and love issues that need to be addressed that the chapters pointed out.

participation

I run into a time management problem. Not enough time in the day to do everything i need to. I wake up roughly 7am(more like 730/45) I have to get my 4 yr old out the door preferably by 8am but no later than 815am to get in the drop off -line in school. I then play with him while we wait. I normally get back home about 830/40. I then sign on to work (9am-530/6pm) by 6pm my son is home and we are doing if weather permitted a park trip for an hour or so then dinner and a bath so its roughly 730/8pm and now i have to get buddah to bed. from there I take to try cleaning up the house then I get on the computer to start doing school work and i normally pass out or I bring it to bed and just never open it. So I am open to any suggestions.

I think my discussion has a little it really depends on the topic itself. Sometimes I get farther than others just because of the context of the work and sometimes I don't because and that still false into a time management issue.

I have looked at the rubric I do like the feedback. It makes me feel that It gives insight in where i need to improve.

I soley know my issue is i am over extened and can only do so much in 24 hours. I have a new baby and a buddah that is having behavior issues because of all the change hes gone through the last 4 months. I work and I have a household to run.

I do understand why My grades are as they are most are simple fix with better answers and some are needing more thought involved.

[seokjinsonlyone]

this is how i think it’d go if you went to visit bts at work and gave them a little peck on the lips

namjoon:

you’d probably walk into his studio and he’d be at his desk headphones in playing back some beat or revising some lyrics

you’d come up behind him and wrap your arms around his neck effectively stealing his attention away from the track

and that’s when you’d place a nice little peck on his lips

but that wouldn’t be enough for him so before you could even fully break apart he’d already be chasing your lips

he’d roll his chair around to properly face you placing one hand at the back of your neck bringing you back to him immediately slipping his tongue in your mouth

what once was a cute little greeting turned into a sensual experience as he gently massaged your tongue with his

and when he felt like he had his fill of you for the time being he pulled back, smiling, dimples on full display and said “hey, baby.”

the depth of his voice would send shivers down your spine and you would settle into his lap wrapping your arms around his neck picking up where he left off just bc he was done didn’t mean you were

seokjin:

you’d probably end up at hybe headquarters after seokjin called you when he was done with his day to get dinner together

you’d call him to let him know you’re outside and within a minute he’d be in your car

you’d lean over the center console to give him a peck to which he’d immediately complain

“woooowww i’ve been at work all day and that’s all i get”

you’d swallow down the urge to tell him that he not the only one that work in favor of rolling your eyes and pressing your lips to his again for a little longer

that wouldn’t be enough for him though “just one more,” he’d request.

“one more.”

“one more.”

he knew that asking for a kiss from you was a dangerous game

could feel it in the way he melted against you

could tell by the way he seriously thought about giving you one of his rolex watches you jokingly said you’d steal and sell

or one of his cars you said you’d steal and sell

thought about giving you the world just for one more kiss

yoongi:

with yoongi you’d probably enter his studio (he’s always in the studio) with the code he gave you

which the fact that you were the only one other than himself that had the code did inexplicable things to your heart you couldn’t really delve into without feeling like you were gonna explode

anyway you’d walk in the room and he already knew it was you like you said you were the only other one who could freely enter and he’d be at his monitor doing whatever producers do

“hey just gimme one sec”

and you knew how that one went sometimes it was actually just a few seconds sometimes it was a few hours until you had his attention but you didn’t mind you ain’t have anything else to do just wanted some company

you didn’t wanna disturb him too much but you couldn’t help yourself so you walked to him turned his head to face you and quickly kissed him before recoiling to the couch a few feet away

10-15 minutes later he was summoning you over to him, pulling you into his lap, and using his thumb and index finger to trap your chin bringing your lips back to his for a proper kiss

you sighed contentedly afterwards laying your head on top of his as he wrapped his arms around your waist, showing you what he was working on

hoseok:

hobi was usually a super organized person liked for everything to have a place and everything to be in that place

but you were his little chaos and organization was definitely not his top priority when he was with you taking second place to soaking up every ounce of your presence in whichever way you would allow him

so really it was no surprise when he texted you asking if you’d seen his little notebook where he wrote his lyrics and whatever other ideas or thoughts popped into his head

it took a bit of searching to find but you had it and he was very fortunate you liked him it was the only reason you were willing to drop it off before work

you made sure to let him know he was the reason you looked ugly today the trip to his office severely cutting your usual routine and he made sure to let you know that a) you were beautiful no matter what and b) he would make it up to you

it was only your second time at the new building your first time was when he invited you along for their first look at the hybe insight museum so it was safe to say you had absolutely no idea where you were going despite the detailed instructions one of the staff gave you upon entry if you hadn’t run into taehyun you probably would’ve been running around that building for another hour

you were thoroughly unamused with the situation but hobi looked so cute and sheepish when you entered the practice room wrapping his arms around you immediately alternating between expressing his gratitude and regretfulness that you couldn’t help but press a small kiss to his mouth

an action you instantly regretted bc a) it caused him to start pressing kisses all over your face in return b) it caused an eruption of various forms of shouting from the six other boys you failed to notice upon entry

you pushed at his chest as heat flooded your body from embarrassment preparing to leave you were going to be late for work “be good” you told him personally before shouting “have fun!” at the other members

jimin:

your days off hardly coincided with jimin’s days off mostly bc he never really had days off always had to go in for one thing or another

but his days weren’t always jam packed some days like today he had a meeting in the morning and a meeting in the evening and not much else to do besides that

and he was the absolute worst at entertaining himself always needed to find someone else’s business to get into and as the object of his affection you were always his first choice

he tried not to bother you too much when you were busy though no matter how clingy he was and he was awfully clingy

if you two weren’t able to be joined at the hip in your free time you were definitely on the phone and if he wasn’t the object of your affection as well you would’ve started ignoring him a long time ago as it stands he was the best company

anyway he knew you were off today and had no plans other than finding a new anime to start so naturally when he found himself bored out of his mind he was in your ear purring down the line for you to come to him

it didn’t take too much convincing your attention span wasn’t on your side so you couldn’t really get into anything and even though you literally saw jimin yesterday you missed him :\

it’s why you didn’t hesitate to land a peck on his lips upon meeting him again and latching onto his arm firmly as he led you to one of the small practice rooms they had

“so tell me about your day”

you looked him over suspiciously he had that mischievous glint in his eye so you knew he was up to something

and you were right you weren’t more than two sentences in to your answer before he was pressing his lips to yours in a long lingering kiss

“i’m sorry continue”

“um...” your attention span really wasn’t with you and it was hard to retrace your train of thought with your lips tingling and the hairs on the back of your neck raised

you eventually found your mental footing and continued speaking about your day which had more or less turned into you ranting about haikyuu when again mid sentence he captured your lips between his own one hand tracing up and down your spine while the other held your head into place so he could lick into your mouth just the way he liked

“go on” he panted slightly breathless once you finally broke apart

“jimin...” you whined

he giggled at his own antics loved riling you up found it so cute how you couldn’t even try to keep the dreamy look off your face “you like me so much don’t you?” he asked with a self assured grin etched onto his face

you did

taehyung:

sometimes he felt so sorry to you hated cancelling on you because something came up or another thing ran over time

you were always cool with it tho never made a huge fuss of it which he was forever grateful for bc he really did love his job

but he really loved you too

he had to cancel three separate times just this week alone and he was missing you something bad

and even though he really wanted to take you out and do something nice for you like you deserved at this point he just wanted to see you

missed seeing you in person and having you in his arms

that’s how you found yourself on a bench tucked into a quiet corner of the upper garden at a table chairs side by side his hands toying with yours as you caught him up on your week so far

he was kinda obsessed with you and you loved it because having his undivided attention felt so so good

so you couldn’t help but close the gap, briefly pressing your lips to his

the slight blush that took over his cheeks had an insane amount of serotonin flooding your brain you loved him so much

even more so when he surpassed his bout of shyness and unabashedly brought you closer to him and attempted to make up for a week’s worth of lost kisses

jungkook:

sometimes life got busy for the both of you and even though you meant to meet up it just didn’t happen

but once you finished your work week you made it your mission to see him as soon as possible

you’d texted him when you got off and he told you he was finishing vocal practice then going to workout which left you with enough time to stop home and freshen up before he was done

as expected his trainer told you he was in the shower when you popped up so you decided to wait in the hallway for him to come out

“heeeeey what are you doing here”

you looked up from your phone to see your slightly damp very buff boyfriend grinning down at you

almost instantly you were hugging him arms wrapped around his waist before pulling back slightly pecking him on the lips

which set something off inside jungkook a shock ran down his body just from the feeling of your lips pressed against his

“let’s hang out” you agreed immediately “i just need to grab something from my studio first”

he laced your hands together dragging you alongside him and as soon as you entered the room he had you pinned against the door hands on your hips kissing you with far greater ferocity than you could have anticipated

and it’s like jungkook knew he missed you but he didn’t realize just how much until he had you in his arms your lips on his

kissing you felt like home and his introverted self never wanted to leave the house couldn’t even help the groan that escaped the back of his throat as you took control of the kiss and made a mental note to remember to never deprive himself of this pleasure again

one of his hands slid down your thigh lifting your leg until you got the hint to wrap both of them around his waist allowing him to show off his strength and grope you at the same time

“jk,” you said breathlessly, breaking the kiss

his lips were chasing yours the second you broke contact he didn’t care about breathing when a fire was spreading through his body

you indulged him for a few more seconds before breaking apart again

this time his lips traveled down your neck kissing and sucking until you were making the prettiest sounds for him

you felt like you were going to explode his hands were squeezing your butt and his lips were on your neck and you were going to explode

“jk...” you whined again tugging lightly at the hair on the nape of his neck

he made his way back up your neck pressing a hard kiss on your cheek before gently nudging your nose with his “hmmm?”

and suddenly you were staring directly into his eyes big and pretty and filled with stars shining just for you

you were going to explode “let’s get out of here”

[tarydarrington]

Essek doesn’t remember much of their introduction, this time around. He had arrived at Caleb’s home in the early afternoon for their scheduled research. They had exchanged pleasantries. Caleb had pulled him into a hug, as he always does these days, and the two of them had made their way to the tower. There might have been more - conversation, witty barbs thrown around between friends, and the like - but all of it had left his mind the moment he saw the corner.

Caleb had seen the questioning look on his face, and a flush had tinted his face as he informed Essek that he has a date, tonight. Then they had settled in with their books, as though everything were perfectly normal and there was not a fist around Essek’s heart.

His eyes scan over the same sentence for a tenth time.  It shouldn’t bother him. Caleb is free to seek out partnership wherever he wishes. Certainly, there are many better-suited than… well, there are people who would suit him well. People who are not so shy of touch, who have no tangled past to trip them up, who are lucky enough to see him every day.

It’s only that Essek had let himself start to believe that maybe...

It doesn’t matter. He swallows it down.

Caleb has a date. That is perfectly acceptable. There is absolutely no logical reason why Caleb should not have a date. He is uniquely brilliant and talented, impossibly kind-hearted, utterly endearing, more handsome than anyone Essek has ever-- stop. He is an impressive man, is the point, and certainly no one could be around him for long without noticing.

It looks… Something aches in Essek’s chest. He had never courted during his time in Rosohna, but from time to time, he had born witness to the habits of others. Always, their meetings had seemed extravagant, grand, gaudy - as though the whole of the city might stumble in and judge them unworthy. This little corner of the library is a far cry from any of that.

Two cushioned armchairs have been pressed close to a little, round table. A deep red tablecloth rests atop it, and a set of amber-colored candles wait unlit in the center. Their varying heights remind him of his towers, and the hollow pang in his chest at the thought has him retreating back to his book.

He doesn’t make it more than two lines before his thoughts begin to drift again. It looks so… intimate. Everything Caleb has set out, save the decorations, had already lived in this room. Essek has curled up in those armchairs on many a night, as he waited for Caleb to finish his sleep. He has piled books on that table, caught up with Caleb in the rush of research.

And it’s all so close. So neatly tucked into that little alcove, cozy enough that two people could whisper and still be heard. He knows because he and Caleb have sat propped against the bookshelves there, tossing ideas back and forth. That area is where he keeps their own books: the ones he and Essek have filled together, the ones full of research notes and new spell ideas. Perhaps he’s planning on pulling one out to impress… whoever it is.

Essek feels a bit sick. Man? Woman? Neither? Both? Are they a fellow professor, or a merchant, or an adventurer? Something else entirely? He wishes Jester were here to pry for him. He wishes he didn’t want to know.

Whoever they are, he thinks as he steals a glance back at the alcove, they had better treat him properly. They had better give him everything.

From the corner of his eye, Essek sees Caleb’s eyes flick up to watch him. He looks away hastily, but the way his face softens tells him Caleb has seen him looking.

“What do you think of all that?” he asks with a nod toward the corner.

What does he think?

If Caleb had been trying to design this evening for him, he couldn’t have done better. A small, foolish part of Essek can’t help but wonder if he had been trying to design it for him - but he digs one sharp tooth into the inside of his lip to chase the thought away.

“It is… “ It shouldn’t hurt like this. He has no right to let it hurt like this. “I cannot imagine anything more lovely,” he says truthfully. “I certainly hope your… companion agrees.”

A small smile pulls at Caleb’s lips, and Essek’s heart aches with the hint of fondness in it, as though he’s imagining impressing his mysterious partner this way. “Ja, well, I am hoping my companion will be willing to join me for it,” he says, and his gaze drops back down to his book.

Essek quirks an eyebrow in question, but Caleb doesn’t look back. He’s gone to the trouble of setting all this up, and he still hasn’t so much as asked? But Caleb doesn’t offer any further insight on the topic, and it is most certainly not Essek’s place to ask; so, with what he hopes is not an audible sigh, he tucks back into his book.

Mercifully, the topic is interesting. For the last several months, he and Caleb have been exchanging notes on a more wide-reaching version of Programmed Illusion, and Essek has always been at his best when playing with new magic. The two of them settle into their usual rhythm, the thought of the corner table only nagging at the back of his mind from time to time, and while away the hours together.

It's already half past nine when Essek realizes just how caught up he's become. With a sigh, Essek replaces his book on the table and rises.

“I apologize. I lost track of time.” But Caleb couldn’t have, could he? “I should let you go.”

Caleb's eyes flick up from his reading, a flicker of amusement crossing his face. "There is no hurry, friend," he says.

He stands, as well, as Essek begins to float toward the tower's central cylinder. Truly, he doesn't look rushed in the least. But for once, Essek would very much like to be out of his home quickly, with as little time as possible spent in eyeshot of that perfect, little corner.

“You have someone to meet, do you not?” he prompts. He’s lucky to have had so much practice keeping his face calmly polite.

Caleb smiles, a taut and fragile thing. “Well, no,” he says, “not exactly. Just something to ask.” He clears his throat. With a strange, new nervousness about him, he clasps both hands in front of him and straightens his spine. “So,” he says, inclining his head towards Essek. “Essek Thelyss. Would you care to join me for dinner, tonight?”

Months later, with a smile equal parts smug and fond, Caleb will use Seeming to recreate the way Essek’s face contorts itself before he schools it back under control.

“I--” he attempts. The shade his face must be. “That would, ah…” He is an idiot. An idiot who can’t even find his words, an idiot for whom Caleb-- for whom all this has been planned, and-- “I would be…”

Caleb’s smile softens, and he holds one hand out between them. Essek numbly, slowly, carefully reaches out to take it.

As soon as their hands touch, the lights in the library gutter out, and the candles on the table wink to life. Above, a web of amber stars and constellations spiders its way across the ceiling. The sky above Rosohna. Just where everything would be from his towers, on this day, at this time. That fist around his heart is back, but for an entirely different reason. He had been wrong. There had been a way to make it more perfect, after all.

Essek doesn’t realize he’s staring until Caleb leans in close and murmurs with an audible grin, “I may have figured out that spell a bit earlier than anticipated.”

His only answer is a breath of incredulous laughter and a look that he’s sure is entirely too moon-eyed to be dignified. Under the circumstances, he can’t bring himself to care overmuch. In any case, Caleb seems to appreciate it; the smile on his face is worth just about any amount of indignity, as is the rush as he twines their hands tighter together and leads Essek towards the alcove.

Perhaps there are a dozen or a hundred or a thousand people better suited - or perhaps there are not, he thinks as he settles in between the books they’ve filled together. Perhaps, he thinks fleetingly as a shooting star above catches his eye, he will have to spend some time studying the sky above Blumenthal. He’ll certainly have to finish that spell.

[bluejayblueskies]

Please say more abt how Martin fits the closed off trait I'm begging 👁👁

Okay, so I got a bit carried away with this and it got quite lengthy....

I've put a TLDR above the cut and the details, transcripts, and general discussion below the cut!

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TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

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Martin, to me, is a character who is very used to hiding how he feels. He tends to care for others at the expense of himself, has low self-esteem, and has a predilection towards the Lonely, all of which go hand-in-hand with somebody who is very used to hiding their emotions--particularly the negative ones--because they either think they're not important or that they're inconvenient and inappropriate for the situation. On a textual level, that's probably due to growing up with a sick (and likely unsupportive) mother who he had to take care of, where there was 'no time' for his emotions to get in the way or for him to prioritize himself in any way, shape, or form.

Martin is self-destructive, dislikes moments of emotional vulnerability, and (I would argue) genuinely struggles when he doesn't have somebody else to prioritize over himself. (His mother at first, but as the series goes on, Jon settles comfortably into this role for him.) Additionally, the biggest way that we, the audience, know anything about Martin's emotional state is when he's alone and self-reflecting (such as in MAG 170 and 186 or when talking to the tapes) or when he's forced to talk about something vulnerable (such as when Jon confronted him about his CV).

We don't get much insight into Martin's character between seasons one and three (at least not as much as we get in four and five), but I find myself drawn to this bit in MAG 118, when Martin is talking to Elias:

MARTIN

So what? I don’t get to be angry? I don’t get to burn things? Just, just run around, making tea, while everyone else gets to actually have feelings?

I think two things are important to note here. The first is that Elias is surprised (or least intrigued) that Martin is acting in this way--specifically, acting on his emotions in such a dramatic way. (And given that Martin is doing this as a distraction, rather than actually acting out because of his own emotions, maybe he's right to be surprised.) The second is that this line very much implies that Martin doesn't talk about how he's feeling, not like 'everyone else' does. He doesn't talk about it, doesn't act on it--just 'runs around, making tea.' And when Melanie comes back in after Elias is done, Martin immediately focuses on the plan and whether it succeeded, ignoring Melanie when she asks if he's okay or not. He closes himself off, and as far as we know, doesn't talk about it at all after that.

And then Jon goes into his coma, and we reach season four.

Martin is incredibly closed-off during season four. He's self-isolating, self-sacrificial, and approaching a state of genuine emotional numbness by the time he's cast into the Lonely. There's a lot to unpack there, but I'm going to focus on a few main things, many of which can be drawn from this bit in MAG 158:

MARTIN

It’s not him! It’s not anybody. It’s just me. Always has been. I…

When I first came to you, I thought I had lost everything. Jon was dead, my mother was dead, the job I had put everything into trapped me into spreading evil and I… I really didn’t care what happened to me. I told myself I was trying to protect the others, but… honestly we didn’t even like each other. Maybe I just thought joining up with you would be a good way to get killed.

And then… Jon came back, and… and suddenly I had a reason I had to keep your attention on me. Make you feel in control so you didn’t take it out on him. And if that meant drifting further away, so what? I’d already grieved for him. And if it meant now saving him, it was worth it.

When you started talking about the Extinction, though… you had me actually, then, for a while. But then – (laughs sardonically) then, you tried to make me the hero. Tried to sell me on the idea that I was the only one who could stop it. And that I’ve never sat right with me. I mean, I mean, look – look at me, I’m not exactly a – a chosen one. But by then I was in too deep. So I played along. Waited to see what your end game was, and here we are.

Funny. Looks like I was right the first time. It’s probably still a good way to get killed?

This monologue is a big insight into Martin's thought process during this season, and I'm mostly going to focus on two parts: the self-sacrifice and the prioritization of Jon.

Self-sacrifice

There's quite a bit of discussion about Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies, but less so about Martin's, both in this season and in season five. In my opinion, Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies originate from (among other things) survivor's guilt from his traumatic childhood experience with Mr. Spider, his increasing belief that he's less than human, and the fact that he prioritizes the lives of others over his own. Martin's self-sacrificial tendencies, while very similar, come from the fact that he thinks he only has worth if he can help and care for someone else and the fact that he doesn't think he's important enough to live. (For example, he says in MAG 158 that he's 'not exactly a chosen one' and says in MAG 198 that he's 'not important enough to kill.')

It's a subtle difference between these two things, and I would argue that while Jon's tendencies are more rooted in the 'help' (ie, 'I want to help other people and I will sacrifice myself to do it'), Martin's tendencies are more rooted in the 'hurt' (ie, 'I will sacrifice myself and other people will be helped in the process'). There is, of course, overlap, and it's not a black-and-white distinction between the two, but ultimately, I think Martin is so used to prioritizing others' emotions and needs above his own that when he's left mostly alone as he is at the end of season three, with the only person left to hold onto being in a coma (possibly forever), he falls back into the same patterns of self-destruction and closed-offness, only without the 'help' to go along with the 'hurt' because there is nobody left to help (especially after his mother dies). Ultimately, he joins up with Peter because he thinks it 'would be a good way to get killed.'

Prioritization of Jon

But then Jon wakes up from his coma, and now Martin has justification for his self-sacrifice again, because he can protect Jon by continuing to work with Peter!

... Maybe.

Jon isn't harmed by Peter during season four, sure, but he does climb into the coffin and visits Ny-Ålesund and is tracked down by Julia and Trevor and struggles emotionally and morally with his own humanity and is hurt, in a way, by the distance Martin puts between them. And I hesitate to place blame for the apocalypse on anybody but Jonah, but if we're going to argue in-canon that Jon was responsible for the apocalypse (he wasn't, but that's not the point of this post), then Martin contributed to that blame and responsibility because it was his actions and decisions that ultimately drew Jon into the Lonely and resulted in him getting the 14th and final mark. (Again, I don't think Jon or Martin are at fault for the apocalypse, but if we were to blame Jon, we could blame Martin as well.) It was only after getting that mark that Jonah was able to use Jon to end the world, something that was hugely hurtful for Jon. So did Martin really protect Jon at all by staying away from him and continuing to work with Peter? Or was that just a convenient excuse to keep self-destructing?

Jon and Martin, in my opinion, had very similar arcs in season four. Martin was sinking further into the Lonely and Jon was sinking further into the Eye. We hear a lot more about Jon's emotional struggle with this given that he's the POV character, sure, but Jon also talks about this with other people. He talks about it to Helen (MAG 152):

JON

…

When does it stop?

HELEN

(impatient) What?

JON

The guilt. The misery. All the others I’ve met, they’ve been – cold, cruel. They’ve enjoyed what they do. When does the Eye (inhale) make me monstrous?

And to Daisy (MAG 136):

JON

My – (large sigh) My memories of the coma are not clear, but I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I – I don’t know if I made the right decision; I’m stronger now, tougher, I can – (he cuts himself off) If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever? I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else, so if I can maybe – stop that happening, and the only danger is to me, I – I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario, the universe loses another monster.

But all we really get from Martin are the things he tells the tapes when he's alone and the monologue he gives in MAG 158. It makes sense that he wouldn't be as open, yes, given the nature of the Lonely, but I can't help but think of (MAG 154):

JON

The Lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it?

MARTIN

(no hesitation) You know, I think it always did.

Jon was always curious and hungry for knowledge; the Eye amplified it. Martin was always closed-off and isolated; the Lonely amplified that as well.

But then Jon pulls Martin out of the Lonely, they flee to the safehouse, and three weeks later, the apocalypse begins. Martin isn't as consumed by the Lonely as he was in season four, he's with Jon--the person he loves--for extended periods of time, and they're in an extremely stressful situation that's sure to be incredibly emotionally charged. There's a lot to be said about Jon's emotional vulnerability during season five and how Martin both pressures him for it and rejects it in different ways, but for the purposes of this post, I won't go too far into detail about the motivations behind how Jon is feeling and acting.

I will say, however, that in season five, Martin still continues to place a lot of focus on asking Jon how he's feeling, encouraging (or pressuring) him to share, and getting frustrated when Jon can't or doesn't (MAG 167):

MARTIN

Okay, so how exactly would you describe your current emotional state regarding all of this?

JON

I –

MARTIN

(overlapping) Go on, I’m all ears.

JON

I feel…

MARTIN

(go on) Mhm.

JON

(sigh) I feel… sad.

[Brief pause.] MARTIN

(flat) Sad.

JON

Very sad.

MARTIN

(*very* flat) Very sad.

[He sighs slightly as he says it. Their bags jangle.]

A few moments prior to this, Martin expresses displeasure that Jon is Knowing things about him, specifically pointing out his emotions (MAG 167):

MARTIN

It’s just – it’s weird knowing that you can know literally everything I think and feel. E-Especially since you’re not exactly the most open of people – emotionally, I mean.

I think Martin is making an effort to open up more to Jon. But I still think it's difficult for him to talk about how he feels so openly, and while he is completely in the right for not wanting Jon to Know things about him without his permission, I think it's interesting that the focus is on his feelings and that he brings up how Jon isn't emotionally open immediately after. It scares Martin to think that Jon could know, at any given moment, how he's feeling, and I think it's partially because he's not used to that level of vulnerability. He turns the focus on Jon, away from himself, and doesn't really make an effort to talk about how he's feeling about all of this, instead prioritizing Jon's feelings and mental state like he's grown comfortable with.

And when Martin bottles up his emotions--of which there are a lot, in such a stressful environment, they can explode out in hurtful ways:

MARTIN

(overlapping) I know! I know, okay, I just – (bracing exhale) Look, I j,just – don’t want to get burned, all right? It’s, it’s like my least favorite pain ever.

JON

Is that – a joke?

MARTIN

(a bit faster, a bit shaky) No, no, okay? I, I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re, they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it – it just makes me sick; I, I hate it. Hate it!

I don't think Martin really thought about what he was saying when he told Jon, who has a large burn scar on his hand, that burn scars make him sick, and I don't think he meant it maliciously. But he'd spent the greater portion of the conversation talking around the fact that he didn't like burns and that was why he didn't want to go into the building, and so when it finally ended up coming out, it did so in an explosion of emotion rather than a conscious decision to share. Martin doesn't have a good handle on his emotions, and he doesn't have a good handle on sharing them.

(Is it too much for me to say that Martin was more emotionally vulnerable with himself in MAG 170 than he was with Jon when Jon finally found him?)

Throughout season five, Martin asks Jon questions, he expresses frustrations with Jon, he shows discomfort or fear at times, but for as much as Martin feels frustrated that Jon isn't talking about how he feels about their situation, Martin really isn't doing so either. The most he talks about his feelings is in MAG 170 and MAG 186, when he's by himself, and I remember MAG 186 in particular because before that, we really didn't know what Martin was thinking about for the majority of the season! And in this episode, we find out a lot of very important things about Martin's character. Like (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Look, I know what you know. Maybe I’m just a bit more… open about it.

Also-Martin acknowledges that Martin often doesn't say what he means and hides what he really feels, telling him that it's 'hard to be vulnerable,' and Martin is initially very resistant to the idea. And then, when Also-Martin suggests that Martin wants to stay so that he can be 'quietly sad,' we get (MAG 186):

MARTIN

We could talk to Jon about it.

ALSO MARTIN

We could. But we both know that loved ones make the worst therapists. They’re too wrapped up in trying to stop you hurting to actually help. But hey, we know all about that, am I right?

MARTIN

There’s nothing wrong with comforting people.

ALSO MARTIN

A cup of tea isn’t a resolution. At best it’s a… a plaster. At worst… a muzzle.

This is very interesting to me, because for all that Martin tries to help other people, he also believes that comfort doesn't always help and that you can't be your loved one's 'therapist.' I think this gives a lot of insight into why Martin doesn't share his emotions with the people he cares about, especially Jon; he doesn't want to put Jon in the position where he'll become his 'therapist,' and he doesn't necessarily think Jon can help. So instead, Martin just chooses not to be vulnerable at all, because he doesn't want to burden the people he cares about. But, when it's just him (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Don’t lie. You don’t need to. Not here. It’s just us.

He doesn't feel like he needs to pull his emotional punches. He can't accidentally hurt somebody or put them in an awkward position; it's just himself. But what's said to himself remains with himself, and (at least on tape), he doesn't discuss any of this with Jon. Not even the bit about, if it came down to it, Martin would have rather had Jon smite him than continue to rule over a domain. He goes right back to being closed-off around Jon, but now we, the audience, know what lies underneath, and how little of it reaches the surface.

In fact, the thing Martin's probably most vocal about is how Jon's feelings about himself bother him (MAG 199):

MARTIN

I guess that’s why it really bothers me, you know? I try, but I can’t actually imagine ever making a decision that I knew meant losing you.

And it… It hurts to know you can.

And I think he has a tendency to use anger and frustration to cover up hurt, shying away from the admission that something Jon's done has hurt him (an incredibly vulnerable thing) and instead relying on the less-vulnerable and more external anger to cover it. This is more speculation than true analysis, but I think that's a lot of what's happening in MAG 200, when he discovers that Jon has already assumed the position of the pupil and has, in Martin's eyes, broken his promise.

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TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

[workofheart]

promise

levi never thought he could have a peaceful night’s rest until he found himself in your arms

requested by: @thecaptainsbride​ 

pairing: levi ackerman x reader

wc: 2.5k

genre: fluff, canonverse, establishing domesticity

a/n: we had levi comforting reader, and now we have reader comforting levi :’) in terms of the request, i altered the timeline a bit but i think it still captures what you were going for! enjoy u guys <3

Levi isn’t used to letting people into his space.

In this line of work, he’s learned to be careful of the people he trusts to see his life from the inside. Not only to retain the secrecy and plans of the Scouts, but to protect his well being when he is so surrounded by death and destruction. A heart can only break so many times before it fails to beat at all.

That’s why, when the night comes when he finally decides to let you stay over, he’s tense. He observes your every step, unsure if he’s nervous or embarrassed or scared. It’s not skepticism, he knows, because he does trust you. You’re the only person he could possibly imagine him letting get so close to him with all that he’s experienced. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have let you enter in the first place; so for once, he’s going to have faith his own judgment.

You slowly pace around his room, peeking at the knick knacks Levi has accumulated over the span of his life so far. He has quite the array of stationary arranged neatly on his desk, and a curated assortment of pens and ink to choose from. Worn, loved books line the shelves of the wooden case, small pieces of paper poking out from the top. A nimble finger traces over the cracked spine of one with a faded green cover.

“Can I?” you ask, turning over your shoulder to see him. Levi is sitting on the edge of his bed, palms pressed tightly to his thighs. He takes a deep breath and nods gently in response, dark strands of hair falling in front of his eyes.

You carefully tilt the spine towards you and pluck it from its spot. Flipping through the pages, you can see how Levi has diligently underlined, highlighted, and starred the passages. Small notes in his delicate handwriting decorate the margins with definitions and insightful observations. This book has been well read, and you’re sure the others are just the same.

His room is fairly bare for how long it’s been his home, but how much of a home is it really if he’s always on the move with the scouts? Constantly between hotels, barracks, abandoned homes, or whatever else the world throws at them next, he hasn’t had time to make the space livable. They’re never in one place too long - this is more like a headquarters to come back to after the day is done. And for Levi, the day is rarely done, even when the sun has set and the sky turns dark.

It’s strange, but he almost likes having you here. To him, it’s always been just a room. A simple, stupid box in a line of other simple, stupid boxes to house people just like him. Now that you’re occupying the space, though, it’s much different. It’s no longer just a room, but a sort of home. 

Your presence here gives it much more meaning than any trinket he might have placed on the shelf. Things in this room he’s never given a second thought suddenly burst to life with your interest in them, pulling memories from the depths of his brain as he recalls where he got them, when he got them, just because you asked. 

It’s much too easy for him, too, the way he imagines coming home from a long day to greet you at the front door. He pictures you perfectly, hair twisted into a loose braid, a soft nightgown hanging off your shoulders, feet sporting cozy slippers that make muted thuds as you walk over to give him a warm welcome back. He imagines quiet mornings sitting at the table for two, sipping tea and working through crosswords together. He sees himself reading aloud to you at the bay window, dozing off against his shoulder under the light. 

The thought of such uncomplicated, reliable domesticity with you is a thought he lets himself dream about. It seems natural, a routine he wouldn’t mind slipping into in the slightest, and you haven’t even stayed the night yet. 

He wouldn’t mind living here forever as long as you did too

When your curiosity has been, for the most part, sated, you return back and join him on the bed. You plop down, expecting to sink right in - why exactly, you’re not sure, because it’s incredibly characteristic for Levi’s bed to be as hard as a rock.

Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but the firmness is still shocking beneath your fingertips.

“Have you ever even slept in this bed?” You ask with wide eyes, hands pressing down into the austere cushion, trying to fluff it like it was a pillow. The incredulous smile adorning your face makes his stomach flip. He crosses his arms across his front as if to mask his heart beating out of his rib cage. He's never been in such close, private quarters with you before. 

Levi shrugs. “I don’t really sleep anywhere.” Internally, he shakes off his nerves, not wanting to embarrass himself by leaning into them. The thought of showing how bashful he feels alone is mortifying, but he doesn’t know yet that you’d only love him more for it. 

You can’t help but to tease, muttering, “I mean, I know of a way to break it in.” Your face is utterly serious, but your eyes, swimming with a mirth Levi is far too fond of, give it away. 

Levi diverts his eyes with a small roll to the side, the hint of a smile crawling up his face. He’s the last person you’d think to be flustered by such a thing, but it’s only because it’s you. “Go to bed, brat.”

You pout. “Only if you lay down with me.”

“I told you, I don’t sleep.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t lay down.”

You know your way around Levi too well, he thinks, or maybe he just loves you. The way you can get his resolve to crumble with a mere pleading expression must be some sort of crime. You read him like a book and know him like the back of your hand to a point where it would be dangerous if it were anyone else. Usually the thought of such a person would intimidate him, but he doesn’t mind being seen by you - not that he has a choice. Against your will, he doesn’t stand a chance; not now and not ever.

He sighs a long sigh and gestures for you to get in with a small wave of his hand. While he stands to close to blinds and light the lamp by his bedside, you scramble under the covers. The initial feeling of warmth covers your skin and makes you shiver as you adjust, crawling hastily under and pulling the blankets up close to your chest. They’re soft and clean and smell just like Levi.

He lets out a yawn that oddly reminds you of a lion pup, but you don’t mention it, instead locking it away for you to think of later on. If you said anything, he’d probably never do it again. Gently, he pulls up the covers on his side and slides under to join you, the bed sinking with his added weight.

“Goodnight, Levi.”

“Goodnight, dear.”

After laying for a while, staring up at the ceiling, Levi feels himself become drowsy. He lets his muscles relax, lets his jaw unclench, lets his eyes fall shut. Though he’s a bit puzzled as to why, sleeping now seems so inviting, and who is he to deny it?

From his side, you watch his breathing slow. It settles into a steady rise and fall of his chest, and his lips part slightly.

The progression is slow. At first, you work up the courage to slip your arm over his middle. You spend minute after minute contemplating, picturing him pushing you away, but you’re getting tired and enough is enough. You slip your arm over his middle and stay completely still; then, nothing happens.

Until moments later, when he rolls onto his side to face your direction. His eyes are still closed, rhythmically relaxed breaths leaving his nose. Then, you move onto your back and scoot up a bit further onto the pillows. He unconsciously curls into your warmth, shifting further into your body, and it makes you melt immediately, swelling with a giddy feeling. You’re almost worried the joyous thumping you feel inside your chest will wake him up.

Eventually, Levi’s head rests perfectly atop your shoulder, small puffs of air falling lightly on your skin. Your hands rub calm circles into the skin on his back where his t-shirt has ridden up, careful not to rouse him from his slumber.

It’s like that for a long time. You keep yourself awake, content with just holding him for now. You take the time to think, watching the flickering glow of the lamp, listening to his quiet breaths, feeling the muted beat of his heart on your hip.

It’s hours later when Levi sucks in a big breath, blinking awake in alarm. His head picks up off your chest and he looks around, finally settling on you who blinks right back. His lids squeeze shut and he mentally grounds himself as he realizes he’s safe.

“You okay?” you ask quietly, voice low as to not interrupt the calm of the night. Your hold around him tightens to let him know you’re there.

He shakes his head slightly and sighs. “Bad dream.” 

“‘S all right,” you say, hand moving from his back to his nape, “you can go back to sleep.”

He rubs his eyes, yawning. In an instant, he freezes, realizing the position he’s in. He’s practically clinging to you like a child would a toy, and he feels a familiar heat flush his skin as his head hangs. “Sorry.” He swallows. “I should probably start work.” 

He starts to push himself off of you to get up, but your hold on his shoulders is firm, pulling him right back down.

“You’re tired,” you say. “Stay. I’ll be right here.”

He sighs, looking around, before resigning and dipping his head back down to lay on top of you. He doesn’t feel like arguing something he knows he wants deep down anyway. He nuzzles his face into your front, shaking his head slightly as if to clear his mind of what was plaguing it in his rest.

“Promise you won’t leave,” he mumbles softly into your shirt, barely audible. He’s too tired to put up a mask for show, and he’s relieved to see that you don’t need one from him come rain or shine.

Your fingers card through his silky locks and brush them back from his face as his body finally sinks into yours, his weight a warming comfort. It’s slight, but you feel his head tilt just a bit further into your palm.

You place a chaste kiss to his crown. “Promise.”

☆☆☆

When the morning sun finally wakes and rises above the horizon line, Levi finds himself turning away from the beams filtering through the curtains. He feels the golden light on his lids, and he flips onto his opposite side, clinging to the cozy feel of his bed. The only thing that pulls him from his slumber is when his hand stretches out to find emptiness all around, your presence absent from his space where he so desperately wants you.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” you say, watching him shift slowly and gain his surroundings. You’re standing at the small counter across the room, boiling a pot of water on the stove - Levi can tell from the faint rumbling of bursting bubbles inside the steel kettle. He slowly peels his eyes open to get a glimpse of you, features seeming to glow with the light pouring in from the windows. He feels his heart skip a beat that he’s not ready for.

 Levi is surprised that he has slept in so late, let alone slept through the entire night at all. It’s rare that this happens - he almost wants to say it’s the first time it has occurred for him, waking up in secure comfort rather than burning fear. The only thing that could make it better were if you were right beside him.

Of course, Levi can’t bring himself to say something so forward this early in the morning. Instead, he mumbles a small, “Come back,” a hint of a whine to his voice that only you could identify.

There’s a muted clinking sound as you stir a spoon around in the porcelain cups you’ve prepared, knocking against each other as you try your best to pick them up. It feels like a juggling act, trying to bring them over safely. You don’t know how Levi makes it look so easy every time he brings you a cup when they are so awfully hot to the touch. He must have gotten used to it, or bears the sting for the sake of his collected appearance.

“I was planning on it,” you reassure him, “just had to stretch a bit.” 

Your feet pad lightly across the wood floors until you reach him, offering the tea which he graciously accepts. You set your own on the nightstand to cool while Levi takes his first sip immediately. It tastes just like how he makes it for himself. Considering he’s never explicitly shown you exactly what he does, he’s both surprised and deeply touched.

His eyes follow you as you clamor in next to him. He asks the question that’s been playing on his mind since he stirred awake hours ago. 

“Were you awake all night?”

He sees your expression falter slightly and knows right from then. Regardless, you brush it off without hesitation, nestling up to his side.

“No, no,” you lie casually, “I woke up a little before you did and went to sleep after.”

With a gentle hand, you straighten out the part in his hair, laying down the slight frizz from where his head was pressed into the pillow.

Levi looks at you for a long time, observing your tender gestures. He sees right through your words, and also sees the slight droop of your eyes, a hint of darkness beneath them. He thinks of you awake all night, petting his hair as he rests while you don’t, and brings a twinge of guilt to his heart. At the same time, his soul is utterly warmed and thankful. He’s not sure what to make of someone who’d do that for him.

He disregards your previous statement and instead addresses the obvious truth. “Don’t do that for me. You need sleep too.”

It draws a laugh from you. The way your eyes crease has his heart faltering. “I sleep more than enough, trust me.”

He peeks at you over the top of his tea cup, wishing he could freeze this moment in time, capturing how you look perfectly down to the miniscule curve of your lips so that he’ll never forget it. Maybe, he won’t have to.

He doesn’t need to ask because the answer is clear, but he does anyway.

“...Would you mind staying again tonight?”

[rere-the-writer]

hi, may i request something where the reader (vampire – turned against her will and found by the mikaelsons – and a friend of the mikaelsons) is very motherly and caring like she takes care of them and looks after them (maybe even include hope and hayley, if you're okay with it) and they just go with it bcs they like how she treats them like her children in some ways. then maybe someone asks her why she does this and she says that she always wanted to have a child, but she knows she can't so she treats other people (especially those who are close to her) like her own. i'm sorry if it's too specific and long and it's okay if you can't write this, but thank you very much!

Awww I love this time for some soft Mikaelson fluff

Warnings: Fluff, a bit of angst, really soft Mikaelsons, a hint of Poly!Mikaelson and reader if you squint

A/N: oh I used Google translate for the French. I think I overly did this one as the idea was planted and bloomed

Camille was surprised that a motherly, soft vampire like yourself was close with the Mikaelsons but yet here you were gently running your fingers though Hope's hair as you read to her.

You were almost as old as the Mikaelsons as they found you a year old vampire scared and alone. Rebekah and Kol wanted to take you into their little group while Finn said to kill you. But both Elijah and Klaus agreed with Kol and Rebekah.

Elijah took sole responsibility of you when he learned it was Tristan who turned you against your will as it made Elijah feel guilty about you been turned against your will. You told Elijah you didn't blame him for what Tristan had done to you nor Klaus and Rebekah when they learned how the first Sired slaughtered your whole village.

Over the years you stayed with the Mikaelsons taking care of them and became their most trusted friend if you could still be called that as the line blurred over the years.

"Your really good with her." Camille said as you placed Hope to bed and you smiled gently. When you learned of the pregnancy you right away began to care for both Hayley and Hope. It was to the point to where Hayley saw you as a mother figure as you made sure she and Hope was taken care for.

"Well I had been taking care of three children already." You tell her tone teasing as Camille let out a soft laugh. You both sat in the living room sipping on wine waiting for the Mikaelsons to return home.

Camille noticed how you would care for the siblings. Hayley and Hope with motherly grace like how you would help Rebekah with her hair and give her forehead kisses, you would bake for both Hope and Kol, help clean up Klaus when he would return from a fight or how Elijah would asked you to tie his tie and would iron his shirts. How you made sure Hayley was sleeping and eating while making sure the female hybrid wasn't stressed.

You took care of the Mikaelsons and had mothered them but also at times been there to comfort them. You had seen the worst of them and still loved and cared for them.

"Why do you mother them?" Camille asked you as you blinked then sighed looking at the fire both of you unaware that the Originals and Hayley had came home and was listening.

"Because I know I won't have children anymore." You tell Camille sadness filling your tone as Camille tried not to psychoanalyze you but Camille wanted to learn more about you.

"You had child before you turned?"

"Mon petit garçon.....his name was Eliason." (My little baby boy.)

"What happened?" Camille asked as you smiled softly there was a hint of sadness in you.

"The night I was turned which was in 1009 or 1000 I can't remember the year it was. But Eliason was with his brut of a father." You tell the human as the siblings remember meeting your husband as Klaus had the pleasure of killing him when they learned how the man treated you.

"I was sewing a few dresses when the first scream rang out. I don't really remember what happen next but I remember the smell of blood and fire."

"Tristan wanted to see if he could also turned people....then he left me. Then they found me a year later I was weak little thing when they took me in." You answered Camille.

Camille could see why the Mikaelsons took you into their family with your motherly aura and sweet nature. You wouldn't have made it on your own and in taking you in they had some form of a reminder of humanity.

"We're back mom." Kol joked walking over kissing your cheek while Rebekah took her heels off cuddling you on the couch. Elijah smiled gently kissing your forehead as Klaus took up the spot next to you.

"Did the meeting go well?" You asked running your fingers though Rebekah's hair as Hayley walked over hugging you then went to see Hope.

"Niklaus and Kol behaved when I threaten to tell you of their behavior. But we may have progress with the witches." Elijah says removing his suit jacket and tie while Camille was amazed how easily the Originals relaxed around you.

"That is good."

"Quiet night for you and Camille?" Kol asked sitting on the floor laying his head on your lap. Rebekah had fell asleep while Klaus was on his way to fall asleep.

"Yes Hope was a sweetheart."

"Good to know. Thanks for watching her Y/N." Hayley says as you smiled at her kissing her head when she leaning down hugging you. And the family settled down letting your calm motherly aura wash over them as you hummed soft tune lulling them to sleep. Camille watched getting more insight into just how motherly you really were.

[dorimena]

𝕷𝖆𝖈𝖊 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝕮𝖆𝖐𝖊

𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔯; bakugou katsuki

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱; 1.4k

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰; fem!reader, lingerie, sex toy (vibrating butt plug), implied edging, implied overstimulation, pegging, mommy kink, dacryphilia, dom!reader, sub!reader

𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔰; garterbelt, dry orgasms, didn’t know lima bean respect day existed, if you haven't realized i refer to reader's dick as cock whether flesh or silicone, implied aftercare, aged up character, Bakugou is in his 20s

𝔰𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢; late gift for the birthday boy who i haven’t written anything about until now. It was supposed to come out as a small fic, but University kept getting in the way and I’ve fallen behind with some pendant writings. Guess this is my first headcanon thing. Not proofread!

April 20th could mean anything for a lot of people:

In the US, it’s National Pineapple Upside Down Cake Day.

Also in the US, it’s National Lima Bean Respect Day.

Internationally, for the weed lovers, it’s 420 Day.

But April 20th simply means it’s your boyfriend’s birthday.

Bakugou had been hinting about wanting a small surprise for a while, whether big or small

And by hinting, I mean downright telling you every breakfast, lunch and dinner spent possible throughout March that he wants something from you, but doesn’t want to know what

If you were Mina, you would’ve thrown a party at some lowkey club and hired one of the best DJs in the city, if not the country

If you were Kirishima, you would’ve taken him hiking to a new mountain someplace else in Japan + a weekend glamping getaway

If you were Sero, you would’ve gone to do something relaxing, maybe a spa? Aerial yoga? Definitely not to just see his ass in some yoga pants

If you were Kaminari-

Well, that’s actually an interesting thought… What would you have done if you were Kaminari?

Bakugou wearing a black, see-through thong, the most sensual looking lace garterbelt you could find in his size and a pretty black bow sitting on his ass is what you managed to come up with

Sure. At first he was ready to fight, but then he remembered who you were so obedient baby boy mode was activated without any more fuss. That, and his fucking fantasies.

He’s also been fantasizing for the past few weeks leading up to his birthday about how you’d probably ride him. Maybe fuck him? He doesn’t care, just wants to be babied and loved and fucked good until he passes out to wake up a week later.

Maybe not, he still has work to do

Another reason he put up with this is because, y’know, you tend to be nicer on special days so-

Bakugou wearing a garterbelt makes you feel so many levels of horny in a span of 30 seconds once you see it on him. It accentuates his already envious waist line even more. God, you can’t wait to see him bent over and ass up.

So you tell him gently to do so from where you’re sitting, and he does it so prettily.

Reminds you of a graceful cat, the way he turns around on the bed, chest already down onto the bed sheets as he pulls his torso as close to his knees as possible. Juicy ass is as high as it could be and wow, the thong doesn’t do a good work at hiding the glimmer of the diamond butt plug.

Pity it didn’t come in any other color than white, but it came with the lingerie.

You didn’t even warn him when you turn the butt plug on.

The promised low setting already sounding pretty loud, his small huffs indicating it’s not as overwhelming yet.

Good.

But by now, you’ve left it on for a good while, watching as he tries not to lose his balance or shuffle too much to ‘lose the appeal’.

He’s cursing at you in airy moans, vermillion eyes glaring at you. Why are you teasing him? You’re meant to be nice.

It’s his fucking birthday

You’d punish him for his impatience, but you already punished him the day before.

You don’t want him not being fucked in the ass so you turn the vibrator up to the last setting, smiling sweetly as he curses even louder

This is still punishing but nice, right?

He seems to agree

His arms are restless, moving from staying beside him to moving above his head to grip at the sheets.

His hands also go to grab his ass and pull the cheeks apart to show you how he’s clenching desperately around the toy, whining about how he needs you right now, to stop fucking around and get your big ass cock in him or else-

But that “or else” doesn’t really get finished, not with you startling him with your speed and sight of the ribbons.

His arms are tied now, forcing him to keep spreading his ass, to keep showing himself off.

This has him burying his face into the bed, hiding how red he’s gotten from embarrassment.

You don’t allow that, so you press your hand onto the plug to push it in deeper.

He yells out your name, body jolting as the toy relentlessly messes with his prostate while your other hand curiously goes to touch the front.

The thong is absolutely soaked and sticky, and when you move your fingers against the fabric to feel just how sticky it is, Bakugou tries humping them, well, really just trying to rub his dick against your fingers because wow the stimulation of the fabric is n i c e.

But you’re not having it just yet, you wanna appreciate his perfect posture a bit more.

Reminder: the butt plug is already at its highest setting.

So the next best thing you can do is smack his ass because your baby loves that, loves how you leave compliments and praise for how it jiggles and gets a pretty red. He does it for you, after all, makes sure it’s always at its best presentation.

But he’ll never tell you shit because then you’ll tease him and embarrass him in front of his friends.

So a few slaps in, being careful with his hands, all followed by cooing at how it moves, how it blushes, how it’s now matching his face and probably dick too, has him trying to fuck back into the vibrator, but he’s humping absolutely nothing and growing more and more desperate and horny.

You back away from the bed, going for your camera to take another pic for your growing collection.

On the bed lies Bakugou Katsuki, all tied up, lingerie getting sticky with precum, the laciest garterbelt you’ve ever seen decorating his waist while he’s panting heavily, ass in the air, face completely red and wet, whether it be his sweat or tears.

He’s holding his ass apart to show you the vibrating diamond butt plug that’s been stuck in the highest setting, buzzing away as he’s whimpering your name, hiccuping “mommy, mommy, mommy” as he pleads for mercy, wiggling his ass as he tries luring you back to his body.

“M-mommy! Hnnnm tuh-touch me! Plea-ease? Please~”

Hey, aren’t you supposed to be nice? Eh...

He can’t come alone from the vibrating butt plug, never has been able to before, and if his rocking hips don’t indicate how much he wants to either fuck the bed or have your hand on it, you just ignore it.

Let’s see if tonight he’ll be able to cum hands-free for once. And make sure he cries more and more everytime he gets to cum from your cock and only because of your cock.

Basically that’s your birthday gift. Fuck him good until he either forgets his name, he's a babbling, crying mess, he's completely milked, or all of the above.

After hours of being edged by the toy he finally came, but in thin, small amounts, so you had to fuck out a few more rounds and cum out of him before he passed out.

In all honesty, he begged you to fuck him until he passed out. He had been fantasizing about it, after all.

After you both had your final orgasm of the night, rather early morning, he’s in tears, body trembling through the last tremors of his 2nd dry orgasm out of what? 7 orgasms? The copious amount of cum he’s managed to get milked out of him drying everywhere on his body, drool wetting the bed sheets even more than they were, room smelling like caramel, asshole fluttering around nothing and dick twitching as if wanting more.

Bakugou’s speaking gibberish at this point, the only coherent words leaving his dumb mouth being “mommy”, “more” or your name as he slowly succumbs to his exhaustion.

You give him your premium grade A aftercare during the little time he remained conscious and took care of everything else as he slept.

Next day, you cook breakfast, even if he grumbled about the taste or appearance.

He’s a good boy, he’s not gonna yell at you or be ungrateful with anything and everything you do, considering you put up with his anger. I mean, he gives his opinions, insights, inquiries through loving shouts of disapproval and approval.

All in all, he liked his birthday, but told you he kind of expected you to throw a party and had mentally prepared himself

Goddamn it. Guess next year you’ll call Mina for some help