#lots of homework to get through
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Been secretive about my career goals because I didn't want other people to put fear into my plans, but surprisingly enough for the past two weeks about seven people have told me they can see me working with kids/youths/adults with psychological/social issues/intellectual disabilities, which is exactly what I want.
Had an appointment this morning at the municipality building where the unemployment agency offers guidance with switching careers and they offered to pay for my study costs if I decide to start one.
#Very good news!#Just gotta figure out which target group I want to work with#so I emailed a few different companies to ask if I could join them for a day or two#to see what the work really entails and if it's something that suits me#the insecurity is hitting me hard but I think I have a lot to offer if I just get over that#lots of homework to get through#personal#I'm gonna be needing 374738 adderall if I'm gonna be studying and interning next to working 4 days a week
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So you know how sometimes you do something as a kid or a teenager and you think it's totally normal and then the memory pops into your head as an adult and it suddenly recontextualizes the whole thing? Anyway shout out to my super nice high school math teacher, who also had the misfortune of being A. the first teacher to give me a syllabus that (crucially) included point totals and how grades were calculated B. scored tests as like 75% of the grade and C. allowed us to take tests as a group All those factors combined into two incidents that, in retrospect, he was in no way expecting to deal with but teenage me thought were totally normal (behind a read more because it got long)
The first was when I stopped doing math homework not long into the school year and he stopped me after class to (very kindly, very gently) ask me if I was okay and if everything was okay at home, because I'd stopped doing my homework but he knew I knew the material. I said "I stopped doing the homework because I crossed the threshold on the point totals on the rubric where I no longer need to turn in any homework to get an A." He paused, kinda blinked at me, and said "That only works if you get 100% on every test" I kind of stared back at him in blank incomprehension, and was like "Yes????" "What happens if you don't get 100% on a test?" "Well. I do get 100% on every test, but if I ever miss a question, you offer extra credit questions on every test" He didn't know what to say to that lol The other time was when he announced future tests would be allowed to be worked on in groups of three or four, and I walked up to him after class and said "Any group I am in will be getting 100% on the tests. That is unfair to the other groups, and unfair to the people in my group, who will not get a chance to test their skills because I am not risking my grade on their math abilities. Can I take the tests solo?" Again, teenage me thought this was a perfectly normal, logical thing to do, but looking back as an adult like oh my gosh there is no way my poor math teacher was expecting to have to deal with that. He did let me take math tests solo I tried the "calculate points then stop doing the homework" thing in my English class the next year and it did not work because that teacher had an "extra credit doesn't count if you haven't done all your assignments" policy :(
#the person behind the yarn#my secret is out a was a math person in school#it's not a secret lol I've offered to help people with math homework here before#but yeah! in school I did not consider myself creative at all and was all about math and science#but especially math! all my math teachers pretty much since math class started being a separate class#very quickly just moved me to the back of the class and let me read through class#except when other kids needed help learning math#and I would tutor them? idk it worked#I gave off such intense goody two shoes energy in school that I got away with a LOT#the english extra credit thing is pretty much the only thing I did not get away with in school#but that's a different story lol
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I'm watching my first ever ashswag video and I'm only 8 mins in — cAN SOMEBODY EXPLAIN WHY HE'S TALKING LIKE HE'S TRYING TO SHOVE WORDS DOWN MY EARS AND INTO MY BRAIN????? WHAT IS GOING ON? IS HE LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME???
#i feel overloaded with information even tho not a lot has happened#like MY GUY. CHILL OUT#TAKE A BREATH I DON'T THINK I'VE HEARD YOU BREATHE THIS WHOLE ASS TIME--#he went from nothing to killing 2 ppl and having full netherite in EIGHT. MINUTES of video. what the fuck#also why is his video style like he's rushing through the homework IN CLASS bc he forgot and has to submit it RIGHT NOW??#like. he's RUSHING through this thing#does#does he even BREATHE#anyway#get ready for Djevel's Descent Into Madness™ — ashswag Edition!#ashswag#mcyt#he also talks in THE MOST monotone/neutral voice tone EVER#he's rushing through his words ALL THE TIME but like. is talking like this convo is about the fucking WEATHER#what's going on#what am i watching
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You have the flu? D: That's awful. Sending you soup and prayers (and sanity, good luck with homework). 🍲❤️
Yeah, clearly God didn't want me working 6 out of 7 nights in a row lol. Not the way I would've picked it, but at least I get a work note so I'm not punished for taking the time off.
Thank you :) Soup has been sustaining me lol, I appreciate the sentiment haha <3
#you ask skye answers#lovely gryphonlover#soup and crackers and ginger ale#and lots of tissues#and tylenol for the body aches#and zelda for sanity while I try to get through ONE HUNDRED FIFTY FREAKING QUESTIONS#WHY do they make the homework this ridiculous UGH#anyway lol
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frances fisher <3
damon hooked up with cj, one of his friend's roommates...and she stopped by a couple days later sporting a bump. damon was not happy about it at first, but the idea grew on him and soon the soon-to-be parents decided to move in together. soon, baby frances was born!
#fisher.gp#ts4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 simblr#simblr#little paragraph of explanation 🕺#ted hates cj unfortunately and it's caused a huge rift between him and damon#and poor dakota is going through a mood swing + she's been having a lot of panic attacks + they have a fear of homework#oh and ted quit his job and he just watches tv all day#everyone's such a mess but i love them <3#i need to get the no ea lashes for infants...that's why i'm not showing her face clearly lol#but she's so cute 😭🥺#damon is still warming up to her but he'll get over it#i'm so happy that i'm having fun playing the game again teehee
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This week are the final exams at Austrian high schools and even though it's already been a couple years since I've been through that myself, I still follow this one meme page on Instagram where the students always send in memes afterwards relating to the exams, like where they make fun of weird exam questions or let out their frustrations about bad task descriptions and such. I don't know, it's somehow kind of entertaining to try figure out what the given topics were only based on the memes😂
#sometimes I look up the actual task description afterwards if I'm curious enough#(they're always uploaded on an official website in the afternoon after that specific exam along with the solutions#so the students can look through them and in case they still remember what they've written in the exam they can compare#and try to figure out what grade they might get)#but they're also accessible to everyone and it's also extremely common that teachers will use past years' exams for homework or tests#1 or 2 years ago I actually tried the math exam bc I was bored and just wanted to see if I'd pass theoretically without any studying#I only ended up doing the first part (the exam has 2) bc I lost motivation but I think at least in that one part I'd have passed#really showed me once again that my math teacher just made things unreasonably hard (she could NOT explain things)#and her exams were always much more difficult I was always anxious about if I'd get a decent grade (tbf I held myself to high standards)#so when I had my final exam I was still nervous of course bc big exam and all but as I went through the tasks I was more and more like#'huh this seems actually decently easy for a final exam lol'#but ngl exams are more fun to do if you aren't forced to do them and they won't have any consequences anymore#but I hope all students this year are getting through it well#yesterday was latin and ancient greek (which aren't mandatory as they're not part of all school types so there's fewer people taking them)#today was german tomorrow mathematics and the day after it's english#I think next week there are the remaining language exams like french spanish croatian hungarian and slovenian#but again for these it depends a lot on school type/which language focus you chose#+ I think some vocational schools have non-standardised exams for specific subjects but I didn't attend one of those so idk#and oral exams will be about a month later in June these now were just written ones#not gonna lie I'm really happy that I've been out of school for a few years now and completed all that#but I do have a bit of nostalgia for it/the idea of it sometimes#austrian things#selnia talks
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I’m so sleepy rn
#homework is kicking my ass the fast few days BUT if I can just make it through today it will be immensely easier#also getting CPR certified tonight so here’s hoping I can do it well#while I won’t apologize for the lack of art/fics lately I do acknowledge it’s been a bit. it’s finals season so just bear with me lol. also#- a lot of my art inspiration and motivation is directed in non-AF directions at the moment so it’s just kinda like that rn#I’m trying to focus more on self-indulgent content cause I’m just more inspired to do it right now lol
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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I wrote a long post abt how hysteria over cheating with AI is borderline irrelevant to my field and how that post implying it's a huge epidemic annoys me and then deleted it bc nobody cares. lol
#thinking of the guys who watched video games playthroughs during class all day and now he assists w cardiac and transplant surgeries#and he's great. we get training after graduation anyway and often what you learn in school is only narely applicable to your actual job#plus you're in an environment with a lot of other people who are keeping an eye on your decisions. ideally#but 'oh no teacher they're cheating at HOMEWORK' just comes off as very silly to me#ALSO if you genuinely think a nurse can glide their way through nursing school using chatgpt you clearly don't know#how our exams are structured or how we need to choose the right mc question of 5 extremely complex ones#or how if we get under 77% we fail the class and how most of the grade is in mc exams.#at least for me#I don't think using AI to cheat would even be possible#and ppl who were cheating were already doing so before AI anyway#welp that's it basically#disclaimer this is based on my experience but the national licensing exam IS myltiple choice and people DO fail#also if you're really graduating w chatgpt essays and going into a field and getting hired and NOBODY notices#that indicates maybe it doesn't actually matter?#I know for a fucking fact engineers need to be able to actually do their jobs to keep them too#cor.txt
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I wish I could go back and tell younger me that I would in fact find that place one day full of people that I adore deeply and who I know love me in return. Who make me feel wanted and cared for and appreciated in a way I never thought would be possible. And none of it required hiding, or forcing myself to be a person I’m not. And I still have that space even though I’m aroace.
For the first time ever, I see a future where I’m not alone. And I wish I could go back and tell my younger self it would happen. It’s possible to not be constantly lonely.
#ravenpuff rambles#I’ve been lucky enough in my life to make amazing friends several times#several of whom are still in my life now#but it’s only been recently that I’ve felt like I truly found my place#I don’t know how to explain it#I guess up until now I have always gone into friendships expecting them to end and holding back just a little bit#and this is the first time I don’t feel like I have to run because I don’t feel like these people are going to leave me#maybe it’s just because one of them is also aroace and we’ve talked a lot about those similar feelings of being left behind#never had someone quite get that before#and maybe it’s just I feel more willing to open my heart#admittedly this group of ours went through some shit together and that’s how the friendships really started forming#and so maybe that helps#but it’s like#Have you ever met someone who is so much like you in so many ways that its like the joke of ‘#‘can I copy your homework?’ ‘yeah just be sure to change it so no one knows’#It’s a weird thing of feeling so completely and totally seen by somebody sometimes without having to say a word#anyways#I’m really happy with this little place I found and I wish I could tell younger me#and also tell xem that no it doesn’t look like a fanfic dream#no im not their person but yeah they’re kind of mine but that’s okay#its nothing and everything like I always thought of#and for the first time in my life I don’t feel a crush sense of loneliness#yes I wish I could see them in person#but I can be okay with everything I do get
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*wailing* I need an informal second person pronoun stat
#thou exists! thou exists *and* I know how to use it!#however: modern English being what it is it *sounds* old fashioned and *more* formal#which means it is *not* communicating what I need it to:#the ghost of your fake uncle running with that and treating you like a beloved child making a very dumb mistake!#this is actually a problem I run into a lot with pillars fic because the base languages aedyran is built off of do have an informal second#and the society we interact with very very clearly makes use of it#(also way more specific terms for relatives than modern English actually has by the by)#and modern English has a perfectly good one! but it sounds old fashioned and crucially not informal#I know I know the only way out is through be unapologetic about it and it’ll come through#but also like: I don’t actually reasonably expect people to do their homework about this#pillars is a highly educated fandom in general But#*grump grump* anyway it looks like yara’s prompt is getting filled never
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#personal#dont mind me just having a first-word pity party#my plan for studying in starbucks all day is ruined#partly bc i woke up three hours later than i’d planned#and then when i finally get myself there there were no parking spaces available at all and i’m always weirdly anxious abt using other#lots for other restaurants#so i went through the drive thru and came home where i really really don’t want to work#that was the whole point of leaving#could have gone to the library but its so loud and busy and they don’t allow food or drink#and i still haven’t gotten anything done#a complete waste of time#if you see me on here today know i’m procrastinating on writing tonight’s discussion board and reading four chapters of statistics homework
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can i reclaim fujo because im a gay guy or do i have to be a fudanshi
#squidspeak!#im just making horrible posts today i guess.#sorry guys i promise im not like this normally i have a lot of homework to get through today so im coping
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Sometimes I really just need to hear “I’m proud of you” even when I fail.
#can’t sleep#stressed about my biochem exam in the morning#and I know if I do bad I’ll get a lecture#the whole ‘well did you do x y and z’ from my mom#yeah maybe I didn’t do 100% of the things that could be done#but I did was I was physically and mentally capable of#I did not have the time or mental capacity to seek out the TA#besides I don’t know what to even ask them to clarify/help me understand anyway#but I studied#and I did the homework#and I showed up for most of the classes outside of the ones I missed for chronic pain issues#she doesn’t understand how badly I’m in pain a lot of the time…#or she’s just used to pushing through it herself#idk how she does it but I can’t#I’m so tired#I just wish she’d tell me it’s okay she’s not mad and she’s proud without any sort of additional commentary#it would do wonders#sorry this was way longer than it was meant to be I’m just thinking out loud and throwing words into the void
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I'm going a bit insane with homework right now.
#basically i have a wedding to go to next week out of state so i'll be gone thurs-sun#obviously i dont want to do homework while travelling. i just want to have a fun time at my cousins wedding#so i'm trying to get ahead of homework. the problem is that i had a lot due this week i needed to get through & i have more than normal due#next week. i have 2 presentations on tuesday. technically i could have chosen 1 of them to be thurs (leaving right after class on thurs) bu#i'd rather not have to worry about that the day i'm leaving. & i have to do the work due earlier in the week before the stuff due later in#the week but it's sat that has the most stuff due. & i work 21 hours between sun mon & tues. thurs i did nothing i let that be a#holiday. fri i did tons of work. it's almost 2am sat & i'm still working. but i only have 3 more assignments due today at 11:59. so thats#good. plus i finished prepping 1 of the presentations. so i have 3 assignments due tonight 1 more presentation for tues text to read#& 13 more assignments due on different days before next saturday. which is a lot. not big deal when i'm not trying to do it all in a few da#so if i'm gone besides my queued posts this is why#i'll be fine. they aren't big assignments. just assignments. it's entirely possible. idk if i'll finish all of them but i can get a good#chunk of them. maybe some of the ones due saturday i wont finish but the wedding is friday i just gave myself an extra day to be with famil#but i can take a few hours to finish things up if needed.#probably going to go to bed soon & work on the last 3 assignments due today when i wake up & then work on the presentation#liv won't shut up
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