#lotusrabbit

[lotusarchon]

How I imagine different Nezhas try to help me learn Mandarin because I am that bored (platonic for child Nezha interpretations!)

LMK Nezha: You just insulted my mother- no I'm not mad but can you stop paying attention to the curse words first!?

NeZha (2019): ....I need you to know I'm doing my best to not insult you. No yeah, you're dumb. It's not pronounced that. Were you neglected as a child??

Furious Yama: Okay so this one, yeah, this is how you call them a dumb fuck- don't worry about the details okay-

Nezha 2021 (past Nezha): Holy shit you're dumb

Li Yunxiang: I'm not crying, I'm just. No actually I'm crying why are you so dumb....

BMW Nezha: (side eyes) Huh...I mean this lovingly but are you mentally ill? No, of course I love you I'm just curious....no don't be sad, here you can hug me for a bit. Also, give up....you're hurting my ears....

FRZ Nezha, mentally: I'm only doing this for the candy....I'm only doing this for the candy....

Also him: Nevermind, I can't do it. You're stupid

TLOH Nezha: I'm only doing this because you keep nagging me. Stop it, I'm not calling you my mom. Stop calling me Nezha junior. I don't care, knock it off!!! Stop crying! Oh my fucking god, OKAY OKAY....I'll call you big brother. Don't push it.

I am that dumb yes next question

[admyral-dakka]

Ren: I recently got adopted by a rabbit yesterday.

Jaune: Guess that explains why you were missing for lunch then, well that's nice- wait what did you say?

Ren: I got adopted by a rabbit.

Jaune: Don't you mean you adopted a rabbit?

Ren: Nope.

Jaune then sees the second year Velvet walk up to the table.

Jaune: Hey Velvet, you need something?

She nodded happily.

Velvet: Yup, well more like someone.

With swift ease Jaune saw Ren get picked up and placed on the rabbit Faunus's shoulder as she turned back towards her table with a hop to her step. All while Ren gave a peace sign towards his team.

Ren: If I'm not back before tomorrow morning it may mean I'm unable to walk and have been drained dry.

Velvet: Hush now, I know you like it.

Ren: I leave everything in my will to you Jaune, and to delete my browser history.

As Jaune watched the two walk away he looked at Nora who also saw the whole thing go down.

Jaune: Aren't you upset?

Nora shrugged.

Nora: I would be but Ren seems happy, plus it also means I'm available for the market.

She then looks at Jaune with a smile and fluttering of her lashes, he didn't miss the small push of her chest either.

Nora: So you better watch out, Fearless Leader~

She then snorted a laugh, completely missing Jaune's blush and the daggers Pyrrha sent her way.

Jaune: Oum Protect me, and protect Ren as well.

[lotusarchon]

The most ironic thing for me, I think, is the fact that despite how absolutely possessive I am of my fictional crushes, I still fucking write shit and post it online.

Like. Especially with Nezha and Erlang - I can NOT interact with certain content with them, and I'm so borderline insane about them that I just.... shriek and bite shit 😭 it's come to the point my brothers can tell when I'm thinking about Nezha because I'm just so weird about him.

And like, the fact I still share stuff about him or at least write x Readers for him (aka "sharing" him) online is so fucking hilarious because NO I DON'T WANT YOU NEAR HIM but also here imagine he's kissing you like WHAT

Idk im fucking going insane so bad I'm not even ovulating Nezha's just so nfhshajfjshd I need himmmm

[lotusarchon]

Me and Nezha picrews

And me again

[lotusarchon]

He wouldn't let me get his entire face so it looks wonky but also explodes him cause he's ugly/affectionate

[lotusarchon]

My brain needs a breather so

Usagiisona: (something unintelligible in Mandarin)

Nezha, side eyes: Okay, I need you to slow down and stop trying to speak quickly all the time, you're just starting-

Usagiisona: Oh

Usagiisona: (something unintelligible in English)

Nezha: ....this also goes for English too you know

Usagiisona: MUSTPSEAK FAST DBAHAHFHS BLOWS UPCSNAHDJ WAAAAAAAAH

Nezha:

[lotusarchon]

Sounds cliche but me and Nezha and Erlang's wedding is gonna be on the 14th February because they think it's romantic idk they're not happy being my consorts I guess....

Idk maybe invites will be sent out soon we'll see

(what am i doing with my life)

[lotusarchon]

lotusrabbit racers au but usagiisona cannot drive and nezha is about to bash his head in the wall if usagiisona dries to drink oil one more time

[lotusarchon]

Gonna ramble a lil bit about my selfship lore ....because fuck yeah I'm bored (and just woke up)

So once upon a time, there was a eepy little rabbit...

Okay no fuck that

Basically Usagiisona dies from the real world and ends up as a rabbit. Yes I'm dead serious about this, lil bro accidentally wakes up as a rabbit and nearly loses his shit because rabbits have no hands and life is not good™ but luckily, plot convenience hits! And he gets to like. Cultivate. And have a human body. So he can look like himself again yaaaaaay

Anyways idk idk other lore backstory aside he runs into Nezha as a rabbit who goes "eh why tf not" and takes him home. As a pet. And Usagiisona stares in horror because THIS IS BADDDDD and also he HATES VEGETABLES WHY DOES NEZHA KEEP FEEDING HIM VEGGIES EWWW

He detransforms, Nezha finds him and there's a lot of problems...but overall he ends up being chill with Usagiisona because he's a bit cute. And pinchable. (And punchable coughs).

So Usagiisona stays with Nezha a bit. Then gets bored and goes back to the mortal realm and decides to stay in Megapolis, meeting the rest of the cast.

And he's just kinda....there? He works in a library with Mr. Tang but sometimes if he's bored he'll pretend to be a rabbit and allow people to pet him at a price because he's so soft and floofy and people like that

Nezha finds him back though but he also finds out Usagiisona has other people he likes.... :( so now he has to deal with fighting with MK and Wukong and shit for Usagiisona

Does Usagiisona know any of this?

Lmfao no bro's too busy screaming at Pigsy for feeding him veggies AGAIN.

Idk what I was saying here I'm bored

[lotusarchon]

if i was a fictional character i'd probably be the nerd one that monologues internally too much so i wouldn't be popular in the fandom but somehow nezha would like me to such a degree that the minute he sees someone (wukong) also calling me his f/o he literally goes "erm actually 🤓☝️ you can't like that dude cause i found him first just die" and idk that's funny to me

[lotusarchon]

I got my hands on the Howl's Moving Castle book so...

selfship aus teehee

Movie Howl is so MK coded because I can see him being an absolute sweetheart to Usagiisona even if he cries a lot over the smallest of things.

Book Howl is Nezha coded because not only is he dramatic as shit he's also terrorized by Usagiisona who does whatever he humanely can to make Nezha miserable as hell

MK as movie Howl is the sweetest thing ever and his and Usagiisona's story are like a Disney movie.

Nezha as book Howl is a nightmare and if you squint you can see Usagiisona biting his arm before they fuck

:3

[lotusarchon]

Nezha has no other partners but me I'm his wife and I will behead anyone who tells me otherwise

I'm also gonna behead Nezha for cheating on me btw but he says we need to have a "proper execution" with "proof" and if I can't gather enough evidence and witnesses he wants ME to relinquish my title as Emperor and make him the only wife....kinda weird thing to ask like why would I get rid of my other wives 😒 anyways if you guys have proof of this stupid WHORE cheating on me step forward and I will grant you a reward

Yes Nezha I'm serious, and no nothing you say will get me to forgive you 🙄 execution it i- what are you doing with that sword- NO DON'T ACTUALLY KILL YOURSELF I WAS KID-

....

Nevermind....

[lotusarchon]

USAGIIII!! DROP MORE LORE ABOUT YOUR SELFSHIP....AND MY LIFE...IS YOURS.

Explodes spontaneously because...oh my god fnauajdk I did not think people would like me yapping this much whahxjfjs

Uh. Usagii rambling below :p

I'm always a sucker for canon so, the LMK timeline still pretty much carries on except there's that "-and your friend Steve (Usagiisona)" hanging around who does nothing but provide emotional comfort by being floofy

MK is Usagiisona's favorite person so he's like, the only person who gets to hug him while he's in rabbit form. Reason being that everyone else is too rough or in Mei's case tried to feed him veggies which he, again, h a t e s with a burning passion (veggies suck man).

Nezha is very not happy come s3 when he finds out Usagiisona has been chilling with MK and gang and not with him :( and he's very not happy when he finds out Usagiisona does not want to leave Mk's side because MK has nice hands....

I didn't plan ahead on what Usagiisona should do aside from smooch with some characters.....but I do know he gets captured by some of the villains and bites them all.

Except maybe LBD because she's scary asf

[lotusarchon]

Tummy hurts so bad oochies ouchies help me aaah m-my tummy hurts help whajwjeirif

Anyways random asf thought but Nezha would feel so bad about my stomach cramps he'd go "oh how about I get rid of it for nine months" in an attempt to make me feel better

He gets an ass beating because how dare you suggest one of my biggest fears?? 😔 But I'll forgive him for it afterwards with a smoochies (sorry Nezha idk why you always get beat up compared to what MK or Wukong would do lmfao)

[lotusarchon]

Thanks a lot Nonnie I'm now thinking about Nezha coming home after being buttfuck exhausted but instead of getting to lie on my boobs I lie on his cause I'm very sad and tired and have cramps so I'll lay there and bite on them...and...just bite...leave bite marks...not even in a sex way just bite. Bite bite and and ....sorry what was i talking about

[lotusarchon]

casually dumping all my problems on nezha because we suffer together a-nee-wayz him being incapable of seeing anyone as friends + giving up on making friends because he gets to emotionally attached and in the end they don't give a fuck about him. kinda depressing, knowing he puts his nezha-ussy for them but they don't even feel the same nor give a fuck to care so bro says "fuck it imma die" *doesn't die just becomes more emo*

we are both traumatized and gay but we would bond over it 😔 nezha why can't you be real for me/srs do i have to kill myself to be happy damn