#louis said i can interpret it in anyway i want to so im interpreting it as kind of a love letter to himself

[louismygf]

lucky again lyrics

[ashes-in-a-meadow]

okay so this is gonna have SPOILERS so yeah don’t read if you don’t want them also warning that this is lowkey long sorry abt that i just typed whatever came to mind🤷🏽

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okay so now that i’ve had a minute(and smoked some weed) i want to talk about lestat and what just clicked to me as the weed hit

okay so to start i want to make sure this is not read as apologizing or excusing what lestat did, i am simply explaining how i interpreted why he did what he did because this is not the time for lestat apologists to “uwu my baby didn’t mean it” this shit and if y’all do y’all weird asl…anyways on to my analysis(is that what this is??)

so my friend has said before she’s a very emotional person and when people hurt her feelings she’s said that she wants to physically hurt them the way they hurt her emotionally so they know how she feels and that immediately came to me as i was smoking and thought about how far lestat went when he was beating louis

to me it came off as, like my friend has said, he saw louis choosing claudia over him and then he desperately screams “louis!” and he lashed out on claudia for trying to take louis away, but then louis jumped on him and i think if we could’ve seen his face when it happened it would’ve been one of surprise and hurt that louis would do that right??

okay, so then he’s telling louis that he’s trying to hold back, but then he gives in and beats the shit out of him and idk it just came to as he was trying to hurt louis as much as he physically could to make louis feel like he felt emotionally

then when they flew up and lestat told louis to tell him that he’ll never love him and said that it would “make it easier”, he’s so used to people leaving him that he believes louis doesn’t love him and wants to hear it from his mouth so that he can “let him go” now do i think he would’ve actually killed louis?? nah, that man is down bad for louis, but do i think he would’ve let louis die?? yeah🤷🏽 he was so hurt and distraught that he would lose louis to claudia that he probably would’ve let it happen and then felt guilty about it later

also for everyone who thinks he doesn’t, louis does love lestat it’s fucking obvious but they don’t love the same way and that’s where the problem comes from between them, lestat fell in love with louis as soon as he met him but louis had been still learning to love lestat when claudia left and it doesn’t make it any better that they’re horrible at communicating their feelings with each other, louis doesn’t like being vulnerable and neither does lestat and they show it differently

louis will let himself get consumed by whatever is troubling him and lestat will try to do anything to ignore his problems, so basically a match made in hell cause they’re never going to learn how to love each other the right way if they don’t let themselves be vulnerable

also want to touch upon him and antoinette cause🤦🏽that mf never learns…i understand that he wanted sex or just non-sexual intimacy and he should’ve communicated that(ik his bitch ass would never) but cheating?? all of y’all that wanted to press “louis hooking up with jonah was worse cause he used to have feelings for him yadayadayada” can now pipe down and for the record it’s weird that y’all want to say what louis did was worse like lestat didn’t cheat on louis in his face in their house BEFORE proposing an open relationship🤦🏽 but whatever

and the trailer for the next ep?? they (i bet it was claudia tho) kicked lestat out😭😭 mf showing up with gifts😭bro ik that’s how you show you care but mf just COMMUNICATE AND APOLOGIZE PLEASE IM BEGGING THEM TO LEARN HOW TO FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER😭😭😭 *sighs* the whole ending of that ep was expected(i had got it spoiled a while ago) but at the same time it was a little more than what i was expecting but i understand the shock value part and the intention behind showing that not everything is rainbows and flowers for them(i mean it’s a vampire show where they kill people and has gore) just kinda wish that it didn’t leave me wanting someone to kill or beat the shit out of lestat😭

[cloudslou]

okkkk sooooo let's go, brace yourself it's gonna be a long rant. (also sorry if i don't make sense, english isn't my first language)

i am a larrie too and most people i follow here are larries bc i kinda feel like they're a safe space you know? BUT the fandom can be so fucking tiring and annoying sometimes. not everything louis and harry do have to do with larry and that's okay!!!!!! (i know saying something like that can get you dragged to hell in this fandom...anyways. lol) not everything is an easter egg. not everything has to be interpreted (?) a certain way. i know it's fun to find little things in their music that are connected, i get the thrill. but sometimes it's too much, the fandom makes the most out of too little things and it's so ??????. my issue is mostly with how some people in the fandom view louis and his ideas and themes and stuff. let him have his fucking moment without connecting EVERYTHING, every single little detail of his art to harry. they are their own individuals and they have their own career and they make their own art. there are connections and parallels, someone has to be dumb not to see them but sometimes it's good to let them have something for themselves each. - i.e. i saw someone making the fitf ono about how harry had one too and blah blah married yeah we get it!!!!! but what the FUCK does louis promoting his album have to do with harry? what the hell does louis having one, two, whatever special concerts to promote his album have to do with harry? it's like, louis follows every step harry takes (i'm always speaking in terms of their career and art), he does whatever harry does, he doesn't have creative freedom (? not the right phrase but idk how else to say it sorry). it's like some people see his work as a copy of harry's, you know what i mean? this is not meant to be sorry for louis or to pity him, i know he hates that and i know you do too. it's more like, louis is his own person, OUTSIDE of the relationship!!! (as is harry of course), not everything he does has to be depended on the relationship or his partner, he has his own mind, his own ideas, his own creativity. he doesn't have to have anyone as a "step" where he has to be on to build his career (does that make sense?). he's gaining sooooooo much popularity and recognition, i know walls was successful, but this era is on another level. let him fucking have this for HIMSELF. he did that HIMSELF. it's kinda unfair to take that away from him by implying that everything he does has to do with anyone but him.

anyway, this is where the rant ends. didn't wanna make a post about it bc as i said, saying this stuff can get you dragged to hell in this fandom bc let's be honest, there are certain opinions that apparently everyone has to have. thank you for your time and patience. post it if you want, or not idk. of course i'd love to hear your opinion on this. byyeeeeee <3

anon im so glad u came back i was hoping to see a msg from u when i got home from class.

i think im largely on the same page as you!!! i consider myself a larrie and thats mainly who i follow and who my friends r, like thats my Circle in the fandom, but it can be very exhausting when its the only lens ppl use to look at their art. not only is it just a tad annoying, i think its pretty dismissive and reductive to take that approach every time. i have similar feelings abt taylor when ppl jump to immediately connect a song to her public life story and then dont go further. for me its like.... there is so much more to a song (or any piece of art) than its "true" meaning (and i say that liberally because even when larries connect on of hl's songs to the other or their real lives, this is no more "true" than connecting a song to a girlfriend, etc, i think there's too much certainty by fans in this fandom) and it limits ur enjoyment of a song i think to not push to break out of that box.

also i think people drawing connections between career stuff is mostly. connecting dots that arent there. one-off concerts are not a rarity and theres already differences in their album release shows. i dont follow many musicians super closely, but i believe ashe also had an album release show last month. and (iirc) lthq said these shows will be a mix of songs from walls and fitf (so it wont be a straight through play of the album like harry's ono show are).

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

you’ve talked a little bit about this wrt dan, but i’m curious: what are your favorite seasons/arcs for the main gg characters? (serena, blair, dan, nate, jenny, vanessa) cause everyone’s personalities tended to uh, shift a bit from season to season and storyline to storyline, and i’m wondering which eras of those characters were your favorite?

oh, so i sat on this question for a very long time, and spent a ton of time thinking over it. here we go! 

i loved the way serena was written in s1 and s2. she was so full of joy despite all the difficult things she’d endured, so bubbly and warm and... lively is ALWAYS the adjective that comes to mind for serena, despite how it’s a terrible pun. but yeah! she had an energy to her that was very childlike & genuine, and i loved that about her - despite the things she’d endured, she was so full of light (?? how do i describe this.) i know that serena’s arc gets notably more tragic s3 onwards, but i feel like the way she was written lost a bit of depth s3 onwards as well. she had a sharp wit, and a good sense of humour, she was playful and... most notably, she had this little giggle? that she literally NEVER does in the later seasons, which makes me sad?? she stopped laughing like a child at the age of, what, 19?? idk. in s1 & s2 serena had so many layers, and i feel like as the seasons went on they tried to, uh. keep only the surface layers? they didn’t really do justice to the character they started out with.

my answer for vanessa is actually the exact same, with slight modifications. vanessa’s energy in s1 and s2 was unparalleled. literally the best. i loved her and the way she was critical of everything and YET so ready to learn. compared to all these rich, privileged, white people... her presence was just SO good and so important to me, because the way she was so critical of the uber rich was something nobody else really was, and i think that perspective WAS valuable and should’ve remained, haha. idk what it was about s3, but i feel like they didn’t keep the crux of who vanessa was? it wasn’t a BAD vanessa season as much as an incomplete one. i felt they could’ve done so much more with a character like vanessa.... she’s so vibrant and full of life! and the way s3 was for her was very surface. and then in s4 they just demolished her character entirely. i’ve said it before, i’ll say it again: what jenny, juliet and vanessa did in 4x09 was TOTALLY out of character for vanessa. she would never, ever do that. and by the time s4 came around... someone else said this, i don’t remember who. but they said that vanessa was basically being used as a plot device more than as a character. notice how she’s always in the right place at the right time to overhear the right thing? it’s a travesty, because vanessa was just..... so significant to me. like her being there added so much value & even changed the tone of the show imo.

my blair feelings are very complicated. i think she’s fascinating, and i love leighton & her performance. i love book blair so much more than show blair, and idk why or how to explain it. i mentioned this in that post where i ranked the characters, but while watching blair in high school specifically i can’t EVER forget that she would probably hatecrime me, and even when she’s out of school she is still supremely racist at times. i actually liked blair best in s5 - and i know she was going thru ~tragic~ stuff (i think they dialled the tragedy too high actually, like, blair had TOO MUCH on her plate and from a storytelling point of view it was... ambitious, to say the least, to hope to bring all out of that out on tv) but like, keeping her tragedy aside. her capacity for kindness and care really shone thru while she was with dan, and i liked how the d/b relationship took her out of her comfort zone and her “but im a Waldorf!” bubble and let her, idk, be a person. i liked her in s4, too. i feel like blair is a really good, nuanced, fleshed out character as blair, and the way she clung to being a waldorf combined with her rich-white-girl privilege got kind of boring after a while because like. she’s not like louis? her character has so much depth. her character doesn’t need to be reduced to a title, because she’s SO much more than that.

i feel like i need to do a lot more rewatching when it comes to dan because i CANNOT be objective about him. he reminds me far too much of myself!!! down to his flaws and his mistakes and his issues –  i was a precocious little shit in high school at times in very similar ways to dan, i like to think i’ve grown out of that (& am perpetually making an effort TO grow out of falling into those patterns) & that’s what i want for dan, too. dan’s arc feels real to me, because a lot of it is my arc, too. feeling lonely, out of place & unaccepted in high school --> being a popular kid in college… that hits really close to home. s1 & s2 are important seasons to me because i’m extremely protective of awkward, trying-his-best high school dan (he can be awful at times, but he can be earnest and sincere, too!) i feel like s4 is actually the best dan season – took me a while to get here, but halfway thru my s2 rewatch that’s how i’m leaning. but dan’s arc was very interesting to me, and i wish they’d kept his heart. trying to retcon him as evil fell absolutely flat to me, like. who are you convincing! one of my friends and i were joking about how georgie blackmailed dan into pretending to be gossip girl (she obviously has dirt on him that nobody else does.) anyway. dan’s arc felt pretty true until the end of s4. i wasn’t a big fan of how he was written in s5, i felt like something had been taken away from his character, but i don’t know how to say it better. you’re right though, i have gone over this a lot! so i’m not going to break my head over it, ‘cause we’re already a thousand words in and i still have nate and jenny to go.

speaking of jenny, though: i think dan’s storylines REALLY needed more of a big brother arc. the way he was characterised, especially in s1, was very “i would kill a man for my baby sister” and i have NO idea where that went or why they got rid of it. (actually, i do have some idea. fucking chip wiskers apologism & elevation of chair over literally anything else. sigh)

okay, now speaking of jenny in terms of jenny. i liked her s1 arc, like, her trying to make friends with these people & trying to keep her morals and realising she can’t do both was interesting. i think that should’ve been that with her clashes with girls in constance, though. and afterwards, either nothing happens, or she transfers out of constance, etc. jenny’s s2 arc makes me sad – she was exploited and treated like dirt in so many ways :( the jenny/agnes was interesting in s2, though, and there’s no way to interpret it that ISN’T lesbian. i’ve always felt like jenny’s feelings for nate in s2 are very comphet. jenny’s s3 arc made me even sadder than her s2 arc- she was alienating all her friends one by one, making everyone hate her, and just…… spiralling. she really needed a better support system. her s4 arc made no sense. like. why did she come back in the city to fuck with serena like that? it didn’t feel right.

yeah, all that said… i feel like there are many super intriguing elements of jenny’s storylines and arcs, like, even within canon events if things had been executed differently, it could’ve been actually good/empowering. but the writers hated jenny. and this show was never a feminist show.

ah, so… nate. he started out as a flake in s1 & s2. that’s his whole thing. he doesn’t know who he wants to be / how to get what he wants / how to get where he wants. he takes people for granted. he isn’t dependable or reliable, he lets people down (most notably, blair & vanessa.) and he means well, sure! but his life is like amber and he’s trapped in it. he doesn’t follow his heart, he’s too busy trying to please the wrong people, etc etc. in s3 he’s suddenly so ready for commitment, which always breaks my heart because vanessa!!! but anyway. s3 has a shift in his character, possibly him getting dumped at prom and realising that high school is over and one thing that tethered him to his family (being a kid, being a high schooler, being a minor, whatever) –  one big thing that held him there is gone. so it makes sense that he starts trying to be his own person. i like s3 nate, and s4 nate. we see nate sort of gradually try and be a moral compass, and it’s interesting to me. when i write d/n fic something i really focus on is dan finding nate dependable, and i think that’s a value that builds in nate over time. nate of season 1 is not dependable, nope, no way. but nate of s4 seems like a decent friend to have. in s5 and s6 they more or less threw his entire arc to the wind and gave him so many shitty storylines (sage spence, wtf? nate would not do this. he’s been on the opposite end of this before, he would not carry the pattern forward, ffs.)

idk. this almost hit 1.7k, LMAO. i hope it made some amount of sense!

[mochuelovelli]

GAAAAHHH OKAY

Let's talk about the Timephoon Episodes

This is such an old topic of discourse but after reading many fanfics, videos, and some posts on the subject I have found little divergent takes on the whole subject.

While commentators are of the mind that, for the most part, the punishment and execution of said punishment for Louie's actions were partially if not fully justified but how she went about it was wrong.

Some fanfic writers and some subsects of the fandom but they are much more critical and often in a more black and white interpretation. Which is valid for vent art. However, I find both these portrayals to be lacking in some nuance.

Specifically when it it comes to who's to blame for the next 3 episodes, and to me, its more than just Della (and Louie but there really isn't much discourse here).

Let's start with Timephoon:

This pretty much solidifies their relationship throughout the episode[Also sorry for no captions]. Multiple times Della is shown to have a very laissez faire style of parenting as she primarily wants her kids to enjoy being kids and having fun. This is probably in part to her personality in general - which is probably what Beakley assumes here - however it is also her want to be loved by her children and even more critically, she doesn't ever want them to suffer like she did. Above all else, she wants them to be happy and feel confident in themselves. We see this in all the previous episode with her and her kids - From Dewey and reassuring him that he doesn't need to prove himself to her [notably in this episode she only shows concern when Dewey himself is in danger, she doesn't give a shit when he almost kills her] to Huey and helping him to have the most fun he possibly can, to even Webby and making sure that she also feels confident in herself regardless in how she goes about things.

Bringing up all these adventures does raise some pretty damning hypocrisy. Della encourage Dewey's reckless behavior in his episode. The lesson at the end wasn't, okay maybe we shouldn't be going on dangerous adventures, it was its okay to be afraid and you don't need to prove to me that you're great I already know you are. Huey's message was similar, albeit more low stakes. Webby's lesson wasn't even that she shouldn't be trying to take such risks to find adventure in the future, it was just a lesson in not being disappointed when things don't work the way you want.

So why wasn't Louie's adventure treated the same? Well... let's look at some more examples of Beakley V Della this episode before we answer that -

This is right before the kids find Bubba, Beakley's reaction is what most people would consider to be parental as she is concerned for the safety of the kids running out in a hurricane. Again we see Della acting casual.

Once Bubba is inside and Huey geeks out about him, Beakley actually smiles bc she knows that something like this means a lot to Huey [keep this in mind for l8r]. She only gets serious after Della says it's neat without much after thought so she gives the lesson of the episode - "Small problems become big problems later if not prevented early."

Next we have Della's faux attempt at being strict with her kids. Letting the irresponsible thing happen as long as they are "safe". While also harkening back to her previous episodes where she also is shown to have this attitude that "the kids can do anything as long as they are safe with ME or Scrooge or another SAFE adult", it is also good to note SCROOGE'S expression here to her patting herself on the back for her parenting. Now he could just be confused as to why Della is taking this "lesson" as a win, but he could be noticing that she really doesn't know what she is doing but unlike Beakley doesn't make any attempts to correct this.

Another scene that people often forget when reviewing this episode, just like with all her other kids she at first takes LOUIE'S side and decides they should just roll with the punches like always. Which honestly is sort if valid because that's kinda Scrooge's whole MO; though he also had others to there to keep him afloat but we all know someone like Scrooge, Della, and the kids hardly see that. I also want to hammer home that, just like with the other boys, she doesn't shy away from displaying that she loves them ALL. A few seconds later, it's subtle but she is shown smiling and patting Louie on the head because like the other kids she just wants him to feel supported. If I was to be critical, I would say this is possibly because she likes the IDEA of her boys more than them but I mean - this is pretty much everyone's attitude towards kids. It might be amplified bc of her trauma but it's not unusual. But even still I would argue that she mainly does love the boys for who they are as she is excited to get to know them.

After Della figures that they are looking for a "master thief", Scrooge and Beakley immediately know it's one of the kids. Shocking her since she later states she is of the belief that her kids are too "good" to do something like this. I also want to bring attention, again, to Beakley smiling (ik im putting a lot of stock into expressions but animation tends to do stuff like this for a reason). She is smiling at whom she expects is Dewey for messing with time and space. Bc even if she planned to scold him, she knows it's just their normal. Scrooge seems to also be of the same mind. Later Beakley gives a really good line about "Even good kids can do dumb things. We got to make sure those dumb things don't turn into bad things like destroying all of existence!".

Mrs. B exists stage right

All jokes aside, this must have been a nightmare for all of them but especially Della. She had just finally admitted that she was out of her depth and made another mistake in parenting. But now it seems like she lost her chance to rectify that. Because for all she knows, Mrs. B will never come back. This is import-ALLRIGHTWEGETIT

Della is then shown explicitly worried about her family. Emotions, insecurities and fear obviously getting the best of her. We don't know exactly what she is thinking but we know she is terrified of the possibility of losing one of her kids. When she asks about Louie, she probably thinks he must have disappeared without her knowing. That she might have already failed more than she could know, because she wasn't there to protect him. She doesn't know - she is "Della Duck" and she doesn't know how to fix this. She didn't expect everything to go so horribly wrong, but that's her theme isn't it?

She is both relieved and understandably PISSED when finding that Louie was responsible for almost destroying the fabric of reality (let me say this again, nearly destroying the fabric of reality). She goes scold both herself and her son about the danger he put them in. Later we see Della, the last one leave and seeing almost everyone she loves vanish. We don't know how long each of the characters who left were in the past but we can assume it was long enough to have to change clothes. Yeah this was probably more of a visual gag but like, the other past characters didn't change their outfits when they came to the present so - (also Launchpad was specific about knowing how the world ends so he had to be there enough for him to understand it). Side note someones gotta write fanfic of these characters time misadventures. I wonder if Dewey and Webby ran into Agent 22.

[Last picture of the infamous scene, side note did anyone notice Launchpad NODDING his head when Della mentioned his time schemes could've cost them their future? He's the only one who knows what happened so maybe Louie's misadventure has more impact than we think-]

Anyways, yeah we know what was said here. But I think it's important to see the reaction the other adults (sorry LP, and Gryo i GUESS) have here BC this is basically why I made this post. What Della decided to do was unquestionably the wrong decision, at least her way of going about it and I will not absolve her of her many MANY mistakes. However, let's remember she wasn't alone in any of this. She was with other parental figures who KNOW more about her kids than she does.

After Louie leaves, why did they think it was good to encourage this course of action? Why did they think giving full parental control to a PTSD, trauma survivor who barely got back less than a month ago was a good idea? Sure it's one thing to not want to overstep your boundaries but are you telling me they wouldn't want to guide her in the right direction at least? We KNOW both Beakley AND Scrooge have their grievences towards Della's parenting strategy or lack there of. Beakley so far doing the most to try and put her in the right direction (which speaks volumes to the problems Scrooge has).

So why wouldn't they explain that, hey, maybe taking away the one thing your kid thinks he is good at ISNT a great idea? Why didn't either say anything about their two day vacation? Something that came up presumingly on a whim and might of prevented (although i doubt it) Louie from trying to steal w/ time? He might have considered pushing back time schemes at least 3 days later. While Mrs. Beakley might be less aware of Louie's insecurities and ambitions, Scrooge definitely isn't. He should have talked to her, and hey we don't see what happens before they leave so maybe MAYBE they did. But again, I doubt it. Seeing as how they all agreed with her at the end, I don't see them trying to meddle with her.

But they should've. They are both experienced guardians and they have nothing to say to her? Plus Donald (goddamn it i almost finished a post w/o him) have THEM responsibility to take care of the kids NOT Della. So they are obligated to help her. Really, the other option other than just well negligence would be not thinking this punishment was a big deal. I wish this aspect was also scrutinized just as much as Della and Louies role in this arc.

Beakley and Scrooge (more so Scrooge) are just as much to blame in what happens as Della if not MORE since they know of her situation in only a way that an experience adult can. There is no excuse for their negligence.

[hlupdate]

With One Direction he became world famous in 2011, now Louis Tomlinson is finally releasing his long-awaited solo debut “Walls”. In an exchange of words, he talks about working on the album, the upcoming tour and his New Year's resolutions.

An article by Anna Fliege - Louis' concise voice feels almost familiar when she greets me on the phone. I have met her countless times in songs, interviews and television appearances.

There is an exciting decade behind the 28-year-old. What began with his participation in the British casting show X Factor led him to the most successful boy band of all time, countless times around the world and to the person he is today. After four years, his first solo album, which bears the name " Walls ", is ready to go.

Louis, how are you? Only two weeks until "Walls" finally comes out!

Louis Tomlinson : Very good, we started rehearsals. I am very happy that the album will be released soon and that I can go on tour with it.

How do you spend the time until the release? I can imagine that it is very exciting.

Louis Tomlinson : Before I started this year, I would have said that I feel the excitement. But now that the release is getting closer, I'm getting more relaxed and looking forward to the release. I think that's how it is for everyone who releases their first album.

But I'm relieved too! Relieved to finally be at this point. It took 4 years and I am looking forward to moving on. Starting with the next album, going on tour, all of that. Of course I'm happy that people will finally hear the album soon.

Do you want to reveal what is behind the album title?

Louis Tomlinson : It started with " Walls " being my favorite track on the album. And I thought it was a title anyway that made you think and left room for interpretation. You can do a lot with it visually. I am very happy with it.

When I knew we were talking to each other, I immediately wrote down the following question: One Direction has shaped your public image significantly and probably the press has also contributed to it. But I wonder how you want other people to see you. Especially from new fans who will surely come with the album?

Louis Tomlinson : I think the most important thing for me is to be seen as a good songwriter. As someone who not only writes songs, but also conveys feelings. That is my intention. I don't want embarrassing silence in my songs. I want to make people feel something.

But let's not forget the Directioners. I think I have never experienced such a loyal and loving fan base. Do you get a lot of what they're dealing with and what they're talking about online?

Louis Tomlinson : Yes, I think I can already see a lot of it. We have always been blessed with such a great fan base. I get a lot of what they're talking about online and feel the presence of these loyal, committed people.

Not long until your first big solo tour. And that is true to the motto "GO BIG OR GO HOME", huh? 50 tour dates - that's crazy, Louis! Are you looking forward to it?

Louis Tomlinson : Oh yes, I'm so happy! I repeat myself, but this is exactly what I was working towards. The release of “Walls” is one thing, but going on tour is another thing entirely. People see their reactions to the songs live - concerts are a very special experience for me.

I've already experienced that with One Direction, but I wasn't on tour all by myself. That is why I am very excited and full of anticipation.

Is there a concert you're particularly looking forward to? I can imagine that your hometown gig in Doncaster will be special?

Louis Tomlinson : Definitely. I have spent a lot of my life there and have visited the Doncaster venue many times, but never thought that I would play a solo show there, so I am looking forward to it even more. It will be very special!

Can you already reveal what to expect on the tour?

Louis Tomlinson : We haven't made any final decisions with regard to the show, but we want to avoid bells and whistles and elements that are too unusual. I want to focus on the music and the band.

My last question is due to the beginning of the year. Do you have good resolutions for 2020? And I don't mean that you will release a fabulous album and go on a big tour with it - I think we can check it off.

Louis Tomlinson : I actually did two other things! (laughs) I want to get more involved in football and play myself. And on the other hand, I have to take my guitar in my hand more often, which I have neglected lately.

I hope you will find time for this with your huge tour schedule!

Louis Tomlinson : Definitely for the guitar, that shouldn't be a problem on tour.

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 9

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.9k. -this may look like a love triangle but ill do my best not to turn it into one. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- IF YOU WANT TO BE NOTIFIED WHEN THIS IS UPDATED, I THOUGHT I COULD START A TAG LIST SO LET ME KNOW. IF YOU’D RATHER ME NOTICED IN PRIVATE, MESSAGE ME TOO PLEASE!

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 9 : Her chapter

Olivia

We left at the end of the afternoon and we had to go with three different cars because of how many of us were going. I was a bit stressed to spend a few days with many people I barely knew but I was trying to convince myself it was a great way to actually get to know them, even if I knew I was mostly the kind of person who'd stick with the friends she already had and follow them everywhere. I also knew Harry and Niall would most likely chat with everyone and i'd have to settle in as well as I could.

I was stuck in a car with Harry, his sister Gemma, and Maya, making me wonder exactly why she was not in the same car as Niall, who was riding with Liam and Julie. In the last car, Louis was driving his girlfriend Eleonor, his sister Lottie and El's best friend Max, whom I was seeing for the first time. I didn't know the girls well but I had a few conversations with them and, if i wanted to be honest, I sort of really wanted them to accept me. It was fun hanging out with boys but I missed the company of girls sometimes, and I felt like discussing with these girls could be helpful, especially in my situation.

Gemma had proposed i'd sit in the front seat next to Harry and I suspected her to know about the weird relationship between her brother and I. It was getting to the point where it was becoming awkward because everyone knew about it even if nothing had happened yet. It's not that I didn't want to, because I did, but knowing it was threatening my friendship with Niall was stressful to me. Why did I have to choose between them?

"You okay?" Harry whispered, glancing at me with a frown.

He seemed genuinely worried and I liked that side of him that took care of me and always wanted to make sure I was at ease.

"Mmhm, yes."

The truth was, I kept glancing at the backseat where Maya was sitting. I didn't understand why Niall was interested in Heidi, but I could totally understand why he wanted to have sex with Maya. Not only was she gorgeous, but she also seemed kind and smart. It annoyed me more than I wanted to admit and I was extremely jealous of everything she was. I never enjoyed having any kind of attention focused on me except when it came to Niall and just admitting that to myself made me grimace.

I felt Harry's hand on my shoulder and my eyes found his again. Clearly, he had interpreted my grimace while looking at Maya as hatred or at least strong dislike because his fingertips brushed down my arm and grabbed my hand, giving it a quick but tight squeeze before he intertwined them with my fingers. It took me by surprise and I felt my heart jump in my chest. I suddenly realized we were parked and when I looked at the mirror again, I noticed we were alone in the car.

"I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have invited her." he apologized, staring at me.

I felt my lips curl and shook my head slightly. I didn't want him to think I was mad at him or disappointed, and I surely didn't want him to think I had harsh feelings toward Maya. It was no one's fault but mine, and it was also my problem.

"No, she's cool." I said with a shrug as my eyes found her outside, chatting with Gemma. "And... hot."

"Is she?" he smiled, his eyes never leaving me. "I didn't notice."

This time, I burst into laughter and his smile grew. I was pretty sure even blind people could see how hot she was and thinking that a guy like Harry wouldn't have noticed wasn't only laughable, it was also impossible.

"Alright, i'm gonna have to wear a shirt 'i'm with stupid' when you're around."

"I'll gladly be your stupid."

I looked up at him again but my smile turned into a fond one. It was such a Harry thing to say and I liked it. I held my breath when I saw his gaze travel to my lips and without thinking, I licked them.

"You're pretty, you know that, right?" Harry asked in a whisper, his eyes roaming on my face.

No, I didn't. No, I was not. But I decided not to answer at all. I could feel my cheeks burn and I swallowed, tilting my head. I was speechless but I couldn't hide that I enjoyed the way he was looking at me, and how it seemed like I was the most important person in the room, no matter who else was present. It was just something Harry did that made it easy to be around him.

"Come on, people will start talking." I pointed out with a quick head movement.

"Let them." he just replied but still got out of the car a few seconds after I did.

We joined everyone who were either looking inside the lodge by the sliding door, or checking the amazing view of the lake from the patio. I pushed both my hands deep in my pockets and followed Harry as he took out the keys and unlocked the door. Someone rushed to the bathroom while some others walked through the halls, picking up a room. Everyone seemed busy around us but Harry turned to me and this time, sent me a shy smile.

"Look, I understand if you refuse, and please feel at ease to say no, but I thought maybe, we could share a room?"

I felt my heart jump up my throat, threatening to come out, but I pretended it didn't affect me. It's not that I didn't want to share a room with Harry but I was convinced it was a bad idea. I looked around and my eyes found Niall, who was bringing his bags with him. I waited until he was closer and when he noticed me, he sent me a smile and walked up to us.

"Hey, did you pick a room already? I'd like to drop me stuff." he asked, making the stress fade from my whole body all at once. "Any is fine, i'm not picky."

Niall was very picky but I kept that comment to myself and shrugged to Harry gently before turning back to my best friend again.

"Not yet, pick the one you prefer."

He felt the awkwardness as his eyes moved from me to Harry and then back at me. He finally just nodded and disappeared in the hall as I turned back to Harry.

"Sorry, I just sort of told Niall..." it was a lie. "Actually, we never really ask, we just assume that we're in the same room. It's just how it is."

I had to be honest with Harry. He was aware of the kind of relationship Niall and I had, but I also wanted him to know that Niall would always remain my best friend, no matter what. At least, that's what I hoped for.

"Hey, it's okay, I understand." he quickly added. "You share a room with Niall, and it's too soon anyway. Maybe an other time."

My mind instinctively tried to pair people and I felt nauseous. Who exactly would end up sharing a room with Harry? Would it be Maya? And If I had decided to be with Harry, would she share a room with Niall? The worst was that I had no idea which scenario would bother me the most.

"I think I may be alone in a room, actually." he explained, looking around and analyzing everyone, trying to match them in his head. "I thought about my sister but clearly, she's getting along very well with Maya."

I noticed the two girls laughing together, sitting on the couch, and without thinking, I let out a sigh of relief, making Harry chuckle. I turned back to him and felt embarrassed. He knew what I had been thinking and now I just wanted to sink into the floor and never reappear.

"You can always come in my room if you want to hang out or talk or anything."

I was about to answer something when Louis walked past us and put one of his hands on my shoulder.

"You have to see the pool." he let out, making me chuckle low. "We're all going right now."

"Man, my swimming suit is in my bags somewhere."

Louis sent me a cheeky smile and I frowned slightly. I was not going to like his idea, I could feel it.

"You don't need it. Panties and bra is enough." he pointed out. "It's okay if they don't match, love, no one's gonna look."

He paused and his eyes moved to Harry before looking back at me with an even bigger smile.

"Well, almost no one."

I brought my arms closer to me and crossed them over my chest, bringing my shoulders up and close to my cheeks. I didn't know why but his comment made me suddenly self-conscious but he left before I could say anything.

"Hey, you alright?" Harry asked, brushing his fingertips against one of my arms and making me jump a bit while a shiver crossed my back.

"Oh, yea, i'm good."

I stared at my feet a few seconds until I heard Harry tell me to follow him. We walked to the backyard and I noticed most people were already in the swimming pool. It was a very hot summer evening and I looked up at the sun slowly setting. I wanted to get in but I didn't want to undress and when I heard the sound of water splash near me, I saw Harry emerge, pushing his hair away from his face. His eyes found mine and he smiled, raising his eyebrows. I knew he wanted me to join him but I hated this situation. All the girls present had amazing bodies and I was well aware I didn't compare and never would. It was not only my weight that bothered me, but also all the imperfections on my skin that none of them seemed to have.

I breathed in and took my converse off along with my socks and quickly, I did the same with my pants, sitting on the side of the pool and sliding my legs in the water. It was cold and I shivered again. It was a miracle I had taken my pants off but I was definitely going to keep my shirt on. I knew no one was really looking at me or judging me but I was so tensed I almost screamed when once again, I felt Harry's fingers against my knee. I thought he was going to ask me why I didn't take my shirt off but he simply moved between my legs and looked up at me with a smile.

"So, how do you like it here?"

"I didn't visit every room but the view is perfect." I stated with a smile before I realized I was staring at him.

His lips curled into a cheeky grin and he raised his eyebrows.

"Thank you."

I opened my mouth to argue and correct myself but stopped immediately and pressed my lips back together. He did look perfect, I didn't need to take back my statement at all. We stared at each other for a while and I finally smiled at him.

"You're welcome."

He laughed, this time putting his whole hand on my knee and making my whole body throb. The sensation spread all over me as I looked at his palm pressed on my skin, warming me completely. It made me realize how bad I actually wanted Harry to touch me and I felt my cheeks turn red at the thought. I heard his phone and turned my head to look at his pants, laying next to me with the rest of his clothes, except his boxers that he was still wearing to swim. I reached for them and took the phone out, handing it to him. Quickly, he wiped his hands on his shirt and grabbed the phone from my hands, letting a low 'hello' in the receiver. The chat was short and he walked away from me, using the stairs to get out of the pool right before out eyes met. He sent me a sorry face and showed me his forefinger, letting me know it wouldn't be too long before finally disappearing inside.

I exhaled and closed my eyes, thinking about the way his fingers had moved gently on me and about how bad I wanted him to touch me again. It made me realize that I hadn't done anything sexual in so long, not even kissing, and I missed it. I missed feeling close to someone even if, I had to admit, the flirting was quite fun, too.

I breathed in deeply and dared to open my eyes again, the sight making me hold my breath again. Niall was facing me and leaning against the other side of the pool. He looked amazing. His wet hair falling on his forehead was almost long enough to hide one of his eyes and he put his hands behind himself, on the side of the pool, to push his body up. I felt like everything was in slow motion when my eyes traveled from his wet chest down to his boxers. They were sticking to his thighs but the waist band was low, his v-line was apparent, and I had a hard time looking away from the obvious bulge it was showing.

I swallowed my lust but also the guilt I felt as I stared at my best friend. I had thought about Niall this way very often and it was clearly not the first time I was seeing him almost naked, but the feelings I had for him were amplifying no matter how hard I was trying to suppress them. I hated myself and I was so mad  I couldn't control it that I closed my eyes again, but the image of Niall moving out of the pool in slow motion was torturing me behind my eyelids like it was engraved on my retina forever. I groaned after a few seconds and opened my eyes, quickly getting up. My heart stopped in my chest when I almost bumped into him and I sighed of relief.

"Shit, you scared me." I admitted, my eyes fluttering open.

"Where are you going?"

I looked in his eyes but he was frowning and I couldn't help but wonder if he had noticed the way I was looking at him.

"I'm just... I'm a bit tired." I lied. "I think i'm gonna nap until dinner."

"Where's Harry?"

My eyes fell on his wet chest and I grimaced at the feeling it was giving me. When my gaze met his again, I realized he probably thought my grimace was an answer to his question.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Someone called him and he left."

I knew he had many questions to ask but I didn't want him to talk. I had always thought that having sex with Niall would ruin our friendship but at that exact moment, I wanted it more than I thought I ever would. More than I should.

"I'm sorry, did you plan on sharing a room with him and I ruined it again?"

"Mm?"

I tried to focus on his words but the way my body was throbbing was distracting me and I cleared my throat as he raised his eyebrows.

"No, no." I denied with a shrug and a small smile. "I didn't want to share a room with Harry. We haven't even kissed yet I mean, sharing a bed seems like a big step."

I knew he was about to answer something but I quickly cut him. I didn't want to talk about Harry at this moment, and I didn't know how long I could stay close to Niall without exploding.

"I'm sorry." I quickly added. "I'm really tired. I'll see you at dinner yea? Keep me a spot next to you."

Without waiting for his answer, I walked inside, leaving my pants on the side of the pool and rushing to the hall, cursing mentally when I remembered I had no idea which room Niall had picked for us. I checked a few and finally saw his bag in one, sighing when I noticed there was only one bed. Of course, I was used to sleeping in the same bed as my best friend but for some odd reason, the intimacy was scaring me a bit at this point.

I closed the door behind me and sat on the bed, rubbing both of my hands on my face a few times. I had always been in love with Niall for as long as I could remember and I did lust him but why was it hitting me so hard when I was surrounded by people and when I was so close to have a real boyfriend. It felt like the love I have for my best friend was fighting against the potential relationship I clearly could develop with Harry.

I sighed loud and took place in the middle of the bed, leaning against the pillows. The bed was comfortable and I knew I would have no problem falling asleep in it but the throbbing was now localized between my legs and I was well aware it wouldn't leave before I did something about it. I was also bothered by the thought of Niall in the pool and I just wanted this image to leave my mind.

Reluctantly, I brought my hand up and slipped it in my panties. It felt awkward to do that in a house full of my friends and in a room I didn't know but it was stronger than me. I slipped two fingers on my slit and twitched at the feeling when the tips brushed against my clit. When was the last time someone touched me? When was the last time I touched myself? It was not so easy to do it on tour with a bunch of guys who were not always familiar with the word 'privacy' and since I came back, I had spent all my time with Niall. It was definitely a few weeks ago. As for the last time someone actually touched me, I couldn't remember at all.

"Oh my god." I whispered, already feeling close to an orgasm after only a minute or two.  "Fuck."

I should have seen it coming, but I didn't. I should have locked the door, but I didn't. And when it flung open, I jumped in bed exactly as the same time as my heart jumped on my chest.

"Shit, i'm sorry!"

"Holy fucki-hell!"

I tried to get up but one of my feet got stuck in the sheets of the bed and I fell down, the carpet fortunately softening my falling. I remained laying on the floor, my eyes closed, an other kind of throbbing sensation invading me. This time, I was embarrassed in a way I had never been in my life. I knew Niall was on the other side of the bed, waiting for me to get up, but I didn't want to face him, at least not now.

"Liv? Are you okay?"

He was a few seconds away from getting close to check if I was hurt and the thought scared me.

"I'm fine!" I quickly replied. "Please, leave!"

Silence. A heavy silence that seemed to last an hour.

"I'm so.. look, i'm so sorry, I should have knocked." he tried explaining. "I just didn't want to wake you up and-"

"It's fine!" I cut him again, talking a bit too loud. "Now could you please just leave?"

"Mm, yea, i'll just... grab a few things..."

I heard him grab his bag and unzip it, rummaging through it probably to find clean and dry clothes. I closed my eyes and shook my head, knowing I should have anticipated that and hating myself for not expecting it. What was I thinking, masturbating while so many people could just walk in on me?

"Okay, I'm leaving, I'll let you finish-."

This time, he stopped talking himself and let out a short chuckle at his own words.

"I mean, i'll let you nap." he rectified himself. "I'm really sorry Liv."

When I heard the door close behind him, I groaned and hit my head a few times on the floor, feeling the carpet rub slightly on my forehead. I was an idiot and I had no idea how i'd be able to look at Niall again. I breathed in and tried to reason myself and rationalize what had happened. Niall was my best friend and something so futile, even if extremely humiliating, could never break out friendship. Proof was, I had caught him masturbating too when we were young and it didn't change anything between us. In fact, it had probably brought us even closer, and I could only hope this incident was going to do the same thing.

I sighed again to give me some courage and got up only to let myself fall back in the bed. I pushed on the sheets with my feet and rolled a bit, pulling the covers and bringing them over me. I was about to fall asleep when I heard someone knock at the door. My heart jumped in my chest when I thought it was probably Niall and I kept quiet until the person knocked again.

"Olivia?"

I recognized Harry's low and soft voice and my lips curled while my stress fell.

"Come in." I answered in a whisper.

The light from the hall was now on and it made a halo glow around him. That thought made me smile and he walked closer, handing me my phone and my pants. I grabbed them and thanked him, tilting my head on the side. I knew Niall had not told him what had happened but I couldn't help to feel embarrassed anyway.

"Thanks, Harry."

"No problem." he answered in a breath. "Are you hungry? I made pastas."

The more I looked at him, the lighter I felt. I couldn't stay locked in this room forever anyway, I had to go there and talk with people, that was part of why I actually came here. I nodded and sent him an other smile.

"Thanks, give me five minutes and i'll be there."

He took a step back and nodded, his lips curled in a large smile.

"Take your time, no rush." he just said. "I'll keep you a place next to me."

I opened my lips to answer but he had already turned around and closed the door behind himself. It was the second time in only a few hours that I seemed to be stuck between Harry and Niall and I hated to choose, but I had the feeling it would happen a lot more and If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that I didn't want to pick between them. I wanted them both in my life. I was just scared it would result in losing both.

[lunawings]

King of Prism SSS Episode 10 (LOUIS)

So I think one of the main reasons a lot of people were confused by this episode (well other than misleading subtitles......) was because a lot of us had our own long-time theories/assumptions about what Louis is or what a Rinne is, and this episode turned out a bit different from what we were all expecting. (I got a lot of messages that were like “But I always thought that...”) I think you have to let your past assumptions go in order to take this episode in. A few of my long-time assumptions were proved wrong by this episode as well.

Although, given this post does still include statements that are my own interpretations, if you think I’m wrong about something please feel free to speak up. (But also please include evidence from Rainbow Live if applicable, etc.) I’m afraid I may have to go back and edit this post several times, especially after whenever the director starts releasing interviews about all this. 

There is a tl;dr at the end, but I really hope most of you guys read all of this. I know it’s long, but the Crunchyroll subs for this episode are just....... so bad...... by far the worst....

I wasn’t really able to keep track of the the scores when I was watching this in theaters, so I actually didn’t realize what a big deal Joji’s score was until this scene at this moment. It’s why I tried to start a dialogue about it earlier. 

Kinda funny how Kokoro, Mondo, Mitsuba, and Tsurugi’s scores are almost exactly the same. It makes them feel all the more like manufactured prism stars.... (not really their fault, it’s how Schwarz Rose does things....) 

I’m going to skip over talking about the scene with Jin and Sanada because I think it’s best saved to discuss in a future episode. Don’t worry, we’ll deal with Jin later.

HE’S SO HAPPY AND CONFIDENT AND EVERYONE BELIEVES IN HIM........................................................................................ 

The translator doesn’t really understand prism sparkle, causing a lot of confusing dialogue in the subs, but I suppose that’s kind of to be expected for anyone that didn’t watch Rainbow Live. 

I’m pretty sure the intended meaning here was: If they can’t fix Rinne then the prism sparkle will disappear, which would mean the end of the prism world, and the prism gods, etc.

Um no, I think they said F-type here. Rinne keeps falling in love with male stars because she’s “F-type”. 

My understanding of the scene is: the Rinnes keep falling in love, which is keeping them from spreading the prism sparkle and leading to destruction of the prism world. But the gods hesitate to make an M-type prism messenger since there is a “dark history” with that. So they just change the basics (like appearance) of Rinne to be male, while keeping the rest of the coding the same, and..... 

....Also restore the memory to hopefully “avoid problems”.

(The subs say “back up” here which isn’t so off, but a bit misleading. I believe the Japanese is 復原 or 復元 = restore and they do say lit: “memory”, not data. I guess the translator was thinking in computery terms.) 

So this explains why Louis is male and has memories of the past, even though they say Rinnes lose their memory in Rainbow Live.  

He’s a Rinne, just a different version. 

And because he has those memories, he immediately begins looking for....

Turned? What do the subs mean by “turned”? 

The word used here was 復活 = to be revived/resurrected. 

I guess the translator thought Shine went to the dark side or something, but he went to the dark side long ago. (Either that or this was supposed to be “returned” and that was a typo.) 

This scene is taking place in the Pride the Hero-ish era and the prism gods are asking Louis WTF he’s doing awakening Shine (by giving Shin the pendant and whatnot). 

So. I read a while back in a director interview in the “Ready Sparking” fanbook that Louis’ mission was “to kill Shin”.

Which didn’t make any sense to me. Rinne in the flashback in Pride the Hero says she’ll find Shine again, so why would she find him just to kill him again? Why would Louis go to all the trouble of giving Shin the pendant and awakening his powers JUST TO KILL HIM? 

But now in this scene it makes sense. Louis’ mission was not to kill Shin(e) to begin with. He was intended to be just a regular prism messenger trying to spread the prism sparkle UNTIL THIS SCENE when his mission changed, because he decided to divert from his mission and awaken Shine without permission.  

So the spoiler I read was technically true, but not in the way it seemed. He did not specifically come like an angel of death to kill Shin(e). (A huge load off my mind.) But in between the ending of the first movie and Crazy Gonna Crazy, things changed. 

Once again, misunderstanding of prism sparkle. The way they subbed this, it sounds like he was told not to expand the brilliance of Shine because what “its” refers to is not clear............ It should have been more like: “Your mission now is the elimination of Shine. There is no need to worry about spreading the prism radiance anymore.”

None of this is readable in the theater ahah... Every time I saw Part 4, I always thought I’d be able to read a bit more of it and I never did. 

But yeah, I’m not sure if we knew before that Hijiri’s mother was deceased....? (Did we?) 

Edit: Lol nevermind we did.  

I heard some people saying that Shin(e) was a Rinne, so I just want to take a second to clarify this. 

Shine is not a Rinne. Shine is a Shine: A now defunct male prism messenger program. He’s a separate program from Rinne, and they were meant to exist together. (Unlike Rinne and June, who were both Rinnes and thus caused an error by existing at the same time in the same world in Rainbow Live.) 

Woah. I’m not sure, but I think they cleared up his face here to make it more obvious how much he looks like Shin...... I think I remember it being too dark to see his eyes well in the theatrical version...? ??

But anyway, the rule for prism messengers not being allowed to perform before an audience (and also the reason why) is something that was previously established in Rainbow Live.  

So I think the subs were absolutely fine for this part. My understanding of it was that after erasing Shine, Rinne gets stuck in a loop where she keeps self destructing because she’s trying to find Shine. 

This makes the prism gods decide to delete her memory. They also task her with guiding male stars as well, since Shine cannot fill that role anymore. This is why the Rinnes in the Rainbow Live era have their memory deleted, and what also unintentionally laid the groundwork for June to fall in love with Hijiri I believe. 

And because the Rinnes kept falling in love like June is why they re-wrote the program to be Louis to try and prevent this and also gave him the memories of the past Rinnes so he will supposedly know what not to do. (But the unintended effect of this is that the memories of the past Rinnes also gave him the memory of Shine, causing Louis to search for Shine again.) 

Which is why I’m confused as to why the very next scene is Louis staring at the pendant looking confused like he doesn’t recognize it or something? Because I thought from the earlier scene where Louis was created, he immediately set off looking for Shine after the Rinne -> Louis update? Am I just misreading his expression here or did I miss something? I don’t know. 

Edit: OMFG IM AN IDIOT. THE SCARF. This scene isn’t taking place right after Louis was created. It’s taking place right after Crazy Gonna Crazy. He’s looking at the pendant which fell from Shin after their show. It’s meant to transition into the events which happen after Louis re-seals Shine I guess. They could have made this a bit more clear. 

If you thought why the F is Kokoro here well WHY YES. YES THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE OTOHA 

but putting that aside

I believe this scene was supposed to establish that Louis knows the Rainbow Live girls. He has the past memory of Rainbow Live era Rinne, but he can’t really do anything about it........... (It’s not like he can just go talk to them as Louis.....)

But his expression is so unreadable it’s hard to tell. 

He gives Shin back his powers to jump geez Crunchyroll.

(But for anyone wondering how mix-ups like this can even occur in the first place, a lot of sentences in Japanese don’t have subjects in them. Therefore, if you don’t know.... the context.............................) 

Maybe the translator chose this wording in the context of prism messengers being forbidden to be seen on stage. But as much as I appreciate that, it’s wrong. In this scene Louis is saying that he physically cannot perform. (He’s a fallen prism messenger now, so the rules don’t matter.)

Okay, I’ll take a moment to explain this just in case, since it is not explained outright:

When Louis broke his connection with the prism world and lost his rainbow feathers in Pride the Hero, he made the same decision June did when she ripped off her wings in Rainbow Live. He chose Shin(e) over his mission. He disobeyed orders and cut himself off from the prism gods in order to do things in his own way.

But whenever a prism messenger makes this decision, their rainbow feathers are replaced by the night dream feathers. The night dream feathers take life away. 

(Screencap from Rainbow Live episode 43.)

In other words, ever since Louis pulled out his earring in Pride the Hero he has slowly began to die.....

Although this is never stated clearly within the main King of Prism series, there are several ways you could have picked up on it before this episode. 

First of all, like I said before we have already been through this with June in Rainbow Live. 

Second, across the Road to SSS events on Prism Rush we have steadily seen Louis getting weaker and weaker. At first he was just tired and fell asleep after the Schwarz Rose opening ceremony in Road to SSS 1, but then his deteriorating condition was made crystal clear in his Queen of Glass PR story from Road to SSS 4, in which Louis plans a date with Shin only to collapse and unwittingly stand him up. 

And then eventually by the time we get to Road to SSS 9, Louis cannot even gather the energy to perform at all unless it’s with Shin. And we got this whole scene with a weakened Louis begging Shin to perform with him.

But even after their performance is a success and they win the Tokyo Kizuna Beat Climax, by the time we get to Road to SSS 10 Louis is so weak they miss the finals. 

Finally, Louis being a fallen prism messenger is directly confirmed in literally the opening scene of King of Prism SSS. 

So if you saw this scene and your reaction was something more like “Oh look it’s Louis... are his wings different?” and not “LOUIS IS DYING” then well.... That’s exactly why I’m always telling you guys to watch Rainbow Live.......................

Although, there was a bit of confusion over these feathers even for people who watched Rainbow Live so don’t feel too bad if that’s you. Some people thought Shin had the night dream feathers in Pride the Hero, or that Rinne had them in the end of Rainbow Live. 

But no. The regular star-type feathers are dark blue too. (Generic, lower level feathers than the rainbow ones.(?))

There are only two characters to have the night dream feathers. And they are: June in Rainbow Live and Louis in SSS. Both fallen prism messengers. 

And buried in the midst of all this Louis drama and deep lore is my probably favorite Joji line of all time. Seriously the Joji in this scene is best Joji and I cannot not laugh no matter how much I’m suffering. 

Okay so. Here is what I do not understand about this episode and would be thrilled if someone could explain it to me. If Yamada-san knew Wataru Hibiki, then Shine could not have been sealed that long ago. I actually searched my fanbooks/magazine collection until I found one which listed Yamada-san’s age as 24. So he’s probably 25 now. So this scene could not have taken place more than 20 years ago (and even that is generous). 

So what the heck was all that 1,000 years thing about? Is that just the amount of time Rinne and Shine knew each other? Or does time just not flow in a straight line for prism messengers when they are skipping in and out of different worlds? 

WOAH

WOAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHIN’S PHONE BACKGROUND IS DIFFERENT 

Okay you’re just going to have to believe me on this, BUT I SWEAR Shin’s phone background in the theatrical version is a photo of his hand holding the pendant. Which seems like a weird choice for a background right? But I had a theory on it that I was gonna discuss here. And that theory is that Shin wanted some kind of a background that reminded him of Louis, and that was all he had. (He couldn’t straight up use a picture of Louis because he didn’t want the other boys to question it.)

But TV version Shin, HE JUST WENT FOR IT. NO SHAME. DAMN BOY. 

I can’t help but wonder why Shin still feels like he has to hide his relationship with Louis here, considering if Road to SSS is canon like it seems to be then they all saw Shin and Louis perform together at the Kizuna Beat Climax a few months ago. 

But I guess in between the Prism King Cup and the start of the Prism One tensions rose with Schwarz Rose again, so maybe he’s worried about that?

Or maybe there is a possibility that maybe he would talk about it if it was anyone but Leo asking. What with how Leo is. 

(I know the real reason is probably just because for plot convenience/the casual viewer hasn’t read Road To SSS but shhhhhhhhhhhh.)

I’m sorry but, man I do not like this outfit. And not because it’s basically girls clothing. If Naru wore it I would hate it too. It’s just kinda ugly IMHO. (It’s not an existing Pretty Rhythm coord is it?)

Original brand glasses Shin is cute as heck though. 

I like how he just keeps his same damn clothes he’s been wearing the entire time in SSS and just glasses + hat = done. Pfft. 

Shin and Louis saw a PriPara movie together. 

(Prism Tours is the name of the first PriPara movie, which included different courses of Pretty Rhythm shows/flashbacks shown on different weeks in theaters back in 2015. The “flavor” Over the Rainbow animation seen in the first King of Prism movie was actually reused from Prism Tours, and increased attendance to the prism boys course of that movie including that scene was one of the main reasons King of Prism was greenlit in the first place. So I wonder if this is actually a reference to that.)

This crazy umbrella street is apparently based on a real place in Nagasaki (nowhere near Tokyo).

I just happened to catch a Tweet about it right after Part 4 came out.

So..... I actually wasn’t as excited for Shin and Louis’ date as you would think I’d be. I spent a while thinking about it and I came up with a couple reasons. First of all, even though this is the first date they have had in the main series, in the side materials.... they date all the time. Like seriously! In my mind they have already been dating for years so this was like just another date. 

Second.... honestly...... I don’t really ship Shin and Louis all that much anymore. Or at least not in the way I used to. My feelings about them peaked somewhere in the Pride the Hero era, and have been quietly declining since. And this scene basically sealed it. Their relationship just isn’t what I thought it was. I know in this episode Louis realizes he loves Shin and not Shine, but he took such a long time to reach that conclusion and I’m just so uncomfortable about their relationship being originally based on Rinne’s relationship with Shine. Which was not a healthy relationship. 

Also! It wasn’t 1,000 years since they have seen each other dammit! It was like 20! AT MOST! Right????? Yeah that’s a long time for mortals, but not for a being like Louis that lives for thousands of years. 

Anyway before you send me hate, just know that I’m definitely not saying Shin and Louis shouldn’t be together and I’m certainly not saying that you should agree with me. Both of them deserve happiness, especially Louis. I’m just saying I personally am not as passionate about them the way I used to be. 

But even so....

That didn’t stop me from going to find the location of this scene when I was in Tokyo last week! 

So did Shin pass the smell test or not? Because Louis.... I guess technically........... (nevermind..... not gonna open up that can of worms right now...........)

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SHOW MAKES ME SO SAD

(Especially thinking about what happens next.) 

 Louis is not at his peak performance condition here. He’s not performing a serious competitive show. Heck, he’s just wearing casual clothing. 

He’s finally realized he loves Shin and not Shine................  All he wants to do is just relive his date with Shin................ THATS ALL.....................

WTF THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THIS ONE 

THIS IS THE MOST BLATANT MISTRANSLATION YET 

He says 君は僕を殺すことができない = You cannot kill me 

Shine tells Rinne (Louis) that she cannot kill him because that would erase Shin’s memories too. He knows Louis cannot stand to lose Shin.

NO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HE JUST WANTED TO RECREATE HIS DATE WITH SHIN

HE JUST WANTED TO DO A FUN LITTLE SHOW ABOUT HOW HE LOVES SHIN

THAT’S ALL

WHY

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY 

It took me a long time to appreciate it considering WHAT JUST HAPPENED but this YABEEEEEEEE from Sanada is pretty hilarious. 

This is unfortunately (?) another moment ruined by the new ending music. 

In the theatrical version, this moment is dead silent and it makes it all the more apparent the.... change which has just taken place. It is terrifying. 

But regardless. Now you can probably guess why episode 11 is so painful for me and any fans of Shin..................................

*deep breath*

Okay so. Let’s review. 

Here is my tl;dr of the timeline, from my understanding:

The Rinne/Shine program is created with Rinne for female stars and Shine for male ->  Shine breaks the rules and so Rinne has to erase him -> But Rinne doesn’t erase him completely and promises to find him again -> The Rinne program gets stuck in a loop where she keeps freezing/self destructing because she's trying to find Shine ->  The gods decide to start erasing the memory of the Rinnes -> Rinne keeps falling in love with male stars since she's in charge of male stars now too ->   The events of Rainbow Live happen -> The gods decide to alter the Rinne program to make the body male and restore the memory of the past Rinnes to fix this, creating Louis -> Since Louis has the memory of the past Rinnes he goes to find Shine again -> The events of King of Prism : Louis begins the process of resurrecting Shine in Shin ->  The gods find out and order him to delete Shine again -> Louis still cannot finish the job and cuts himself off from the prism gods, becoming like June -> Louis realizes he loves Shin not Shine but.... -> Louis’ weakened state allows Shine to fully resurrect, and.....

So. There is more to this. But if you would like to come to your own conclusions about what just happened in that final scene and go into the next episode blind, this post is over. Thanks for joining me this far!! 

But if you would like me to explain some more things using spoilers not revealed until the next episode, keep scrolling. 

Obviously you don’t have to!

It’s up to you! 

I just kinda feel like I owe it to you guys. 

(Since I was lucky enough to get my major questions answered right away and not have to wait a week like you guys do.)

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Ready?

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Episode 11 spoilers start here

So I first saw Part 4 on like, 3 hours sleep. So as you can imagine I was having a really hard time taking all this in. And when that last scene happened I was basically plunged into the darkest depths of absolute horror. To think all this time I had been worried about Louis hurting Shin. The opposite had never ever crossed my mind. 

In my first viewing what I thought happened was that Shin had just regained his memories and killed Louis. And for 30 seconds or so, I seriously considered walking out of the theater. Not that I didn’t plan to ever finish watching it, but I just felt I was not ready and needed time to cry and take this all in before continuing to the next episode at the next showing. I was so close and literally the only reason I didn’t leave was because I just didn’t want other people to see me walking out. So I stuck with it and forced myself through the next two episodes. 

And I’m glad I did. Because that’s not what happened. 

The next episode makes it very clear that Shin and Shine are two different people. Shin did not get any memories back in the final scene. Shin is Shin, and Shine is Shine. 

From what I can gather, Shin was born with Shine sealed inside him. He’s like the host. (Whether this technically makes him a reincarnation or not, I’m not sure.) Shin has never had any contact with Shine, but Shine has always been watching life through Shin’s eyes.

The Shin we see walking off at the end of episode 10 is Shine controlling Shin’s body. From the moment he says “Rinne.....” Shine is in control, and Shin as we know him is unconscious. Shin has no memory of the things he does while Shine is controlling him. 

Also, the act of Shine destroying Rinne’s feathers did not kill Louis back there. But as you can imagine, he’s in bad, BAD shape right now.....

[elflady]

I’ve never seen a different production of angels other than bits of nt live and I saw the broadway revival twice. I’ve seen clips of the original and some of the miniseries. I’m curious whether you think it was James’s performance specifically that humanized Louis more. I felt like it took me seeing it twice to actually honestly love Louis with all his flaws (I loved him briefly the first time then kind of hated him bc I felt I had to due to his actions) anyway do you feel like james (1/?)

played him more sympathetic than others or it’s the actual experience of seeing Louis on stage crying through his lines. You mentioned you had a lot more sympathy for him esp in the fuck you im a prophet scene after seeing it live than just reading it. Not sure how coherent this is I just want to talk about angels forever (2/2)

See, I’m not sure if it was more me or James, because something that really impacts my experience of the play is the fact that I was still just a kid when I first saw and read Angels in America... I was in 8th grade, so around 13 years old I believe... and so, basically, it was just more than I could comprehend at the time, just the fact of the matter is you generally have more simplistic interpretations of things at age 13, and over the years I think I did build a more nuanced understanding of the play, but at that time my instinct was “Louis is a despicable human and I hate him” and I stuck with that. Sure, I loved some of his dialogue and his scenes, and I did enjoy watching him as a character, and I especially did love his early scenes with Prior, but my interpretation of him was firmly rooted in that immediate disdain for him.

I remember watching the HBO series with my college friends in 2016-2017 (so I was 21), and having some more sympathy for Louis than I had previously, and seeing some aspects of his character I hadn’t before, but still I had held onto that total hatred for him for so long, my view of him was still mostly entrenched in that. Like I remember my friend saying she loved Louis and Joe and me being like “WHAT THE FUCK?????!!!!!!!!!”

Fast forward to February 2018, seeing James in previews, and just being blown away by how my instinct wasn’t to hate him... perhaps part of that was seeing him as a literal actual living and breathing and crying human being, perhaps part was James’ performance, which I think just... he made so clear why he was doing all of the shitty things he was doing, and I could see people I knew in him, and I could clearly see his motivations, and HIS LOVE FOR PRIOR!!!! THAT IS SO SO SO KEY!!!!! Because Louis is such a self-absorbed person, and the text doesn’t really give much of him actually caring for Prior, it’s easy to just read him as only caring about himself, especially when you add in his relationship with Joe and how he doesn’t even care enough to ask about his life. But then James just... SO VISIBLY WORSHIPS PRIOR AND WANTS HIM TO BE OKAY AND JUST WANTS HIM!!!! That for me it just... made me really fall into his perspective for the first time... maybe because I love Prior so much and always have, so I was able to understand him from that part of him... To put it simply, it’s not so much that he’s just like “ewww bodies and death and shit and blood and abscesses I don’t want to have to deal with this it’s too hard” it’s more like “Prior’s beautiful body is full of death and shit and blood and abscesses and that is so wrong and I cannot handle that and if I have to watch him die I too am going to die” which is still very selfish, but for me so much more understandable and less completely... despicable.

Another aspect I think James really played up was how much he was missing Prior when he was away from him, like there is some stuff there in the text but it’s very sparse, and often I think can read as more like self-hatred, like “oh I should wish I was with Prior but really I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that” but instead you could really see how torn up James was, in that he wanted to be with Prior but he really physically could not bring himself to see him on death’s door... I think @tomwingfields told me he saw James’ Louis as being so pitiful, which initially made him dislike him, but for me I think that really made me actually feel for him more... his fits of weeping and just generally seeming always to be on the verge of a meltdown, it made me believe that truly being away from Prior was viscerally painful for him, and not just because he thought it should be painful. Like, he still brought out that “it’s like the idea of love when you do it” aspect of Louis, but at the same time... you still knew he actually did love Prior and not just the idea of Prior...

But yeah, I think overall, for some people they instantly feel for him, perhaps because they really identify with him ahem @godlessondheimite, but for others it takes some time to overcome the initial hatred of the awful things he does, to actually sympathizing with him despite the flaws, like you said it took you seeing it twice to feel for him.

Also, perhaps just as important as Louis truly loving Prior was how much Andrew’s Prior loves Louis!!!! Because it can be so hard to see “why does Prior even care what Louis does, he’s obviously the worst human and not a good partner and how could such an amazing and strong person like Prior be with Louis for so long???” but then Andrew’s Prior comes along and is so obviously in love with Louis, and that makes it easier to like Louis yourself, because if Prior loves him there must be a reason!!! Though obviously, sometimes there’s not, love makes no sense, etc. etc. But I think that really helped make me love Louis too, and see him as more of a real person, because Andrew seemed to love him as a real person too, even after all of his awfulness you can see they are still drawn to each other, he’s still jealous of Joe, he still agrees to meet Louis in the fuck you I’m a prophet scene, even though he obviously knows it’s a horrible idea!!!! And he’s even willing to hear him give reasons to come back!!! Which is so heartbreaking!!!! Like, before I always thought “it must be so so lonely to wait to die in bed alone,” but in their version of this scene it’s so obvious that Prior really actually wants Louis beside him, even after rejecting him in the hospital scene!!!!

And even though later, when he realizes he doesn’t need Louis with him, and tells him he can’t come back... even then, you can see how much they still love each other in such a real way... IT JUST BREAKS MY HEART!!!! AND I FEEL FOR BOTH OF THEM!!!! AND THEN!!! In the EPILOGUE!!!! They both are still looking at each other with such adoration... that just... is the icing on the cake!!!! Even after not being together for 5 years, they still love each other so much!!!! And that, I can relate to!!!! And that makes me love Louis!!!! Because even though they didn’t turn back to what they had before and Prior didn’t miraculously get better and Louis didn’t get what he wanted and the world didn’t turn back into his set way of seeing things, he’s still standing by Prior!!! And adoring him!!!!

Oh man, this is so incoherent, sorry!!! I don’t think I fully articulated all of him opinions on this, but I feel I will probably make many more posts on this topic... especially in my notes from the final performances! Which I’m working on!

[eight8yearslater]

My first post. Kind of put this off for so long cos i was scared i would get judged or blocked or attacked if i stated my opinion. But since i dont really have followers, I figured, might as well do it. Also I believe im respectful enough not to attract heat and be blocked by people I follow so yeahp.

First, in case someone else does chance upon this post, I’d like to make it clear that I believe Louis and Harry were together at one point. Dont know if it’s official or serious or they were just fooling around and acting on their curiousity but there is NO way that was all platonic. Do I believe theyre together still? I cant say for certain. Im the type of fan who takes in things as they come. Some days im so convinced they are still together but stunts makes me doubt it. Which I think is why exactly the stunts are there for anyway so 🤷🏻‍♀️ though to be honest, im leaning towards, yes. I do think they broke up for a brief period in 2015, but even that, im still open to be desuaded.

Second, I have no definite opinion on babygate. Again i take things as they come but I feel like Freddie can be Louis’ and still be with Harry now. Kind of fits the timeline im sort of buying into. But theres also so much that doesnt add up with regard to Briana and Freddie that i would not be surprised if larries were right all along.

That said, I just want to put down into words what I think about Fine Line and the story it tells. This is my blog anyway and I feel like im entitled to write down what I think it might be about.

I think Fine Line tells a story of Harry from the time he joined XFactor and met Louis. The songs, I believe are arranged chronologically and again fits the timeline im leaning towards believing.

GOLDEN

Harry meets Louis. Hes too bright for him. Baby Larry was something else really. Its so fascinating to watch them and kind of heartbreaking when you compare to how they are now in public. Louis was so full of life, so energetic that Harry was more often than not, left in awe.

Despite how Louis was, though, I believe Harry was the braver one and was the one who was more accpeting of his sexuality and feelings. If the rumors are anything to go by, Harry always knew he wasnt straight as opposed to Louis who, until Harry, appears to have been with girls exclusively. His “fear” or feelings of being scared must have come from this or from just maybe, letting other people in, generally.

Watermelon Sugar/Adore You

The Honeymoon stage of the relationship. Watermelon sugar so obviously refers to intimacy (okay fine, SEX) and just being obsessed with the other person. Spending as much time as you want. Makes sense that this was written about the early part of their relationship.

Same with Adore You. Thematically, both songs are about the happy times and promises of adoration, love and commitment.

Lights Up

I’ve always interpretted Lights Up to be about self discovery on the one hand but also a narration of how Harry must have felt while he was in the band. Lights literally meant stage lights which have exposed and caged him at the same time.

The line “lights up and they know who you are”, i believe refers to the public and how they think They know Harry simply because they get to watch him on stage or on television. But despite all of it, the fame etc. couldnt stop the darkness or emptiness Harry feels. No matter what they say, being in a boyband must have put tremendous pressure on all of them. And if Harry is indeed not straight then absolutely not having freedom to express himself or be himself (eve just a little bit) must have been very difficult.

Thus the line “be so sweet if things just stayed the same” must refer to staying in the band. But he can no longer do it and must “step into the light” to more freedom or freedom to express more. And that he’s never going back to a set up where he was so constricted or so controlled as when he was in 1D.

Now here goes my unpopular opinion, but I believe Harry was the cause of the hiatus and must have demanded to get out of the band. Ergo, straining his relationship with Louis. Which could (or could have not) led to a break of some sort or some very difficult trying times in their relationship.

Thus, the breakup/heartbreaking/sad songs.

CHERRY/ FALLING

Now im well aware of the narrative behind Cherry. And it could be true but it could also have been dressed up a bit to fit said narrative. Cherry, could also be about Louis and the time they may have been apart.

I read somewhere, an Anon believes Cherry to be about Camille but that the rest of the album about Louis after Harry realized it was still him. Still makes sense if we believe that H and L have broken up a bit in 2015.

But it could also be a purely stunt song. Cherry seems to be out of place because in it, it is suggested that Harry’s love interest is already gone/broke up with him and “moved on”. Yet Falling which comes after Cherry, and Falling appears to be about couple who just broke up or on the brink of it.

Falling also is about heartbreak and could again be about the time H and L were apart.

To Be So Lonely

...appears to be a transition song of some sort. Could be about reconciliation as Harry slowly admits to being in the wrong and fixing things slowly.

She

i subscribe to the interpretation that its about H’s identity. Still chronological as self discovery is an ever on going process and never really stops. Somewhere between leaving the band and now during HOLO it makes sense that H is still discovering things abt himself.

Sunflower Vol 6/ Canyon Moon

Now this i believe are songs abt Louis. Its happy cos they (depends if you subscribe to the timeline) were able to fix it, they made it. And are in a better place now. Too many lines seemto have been lifted from fandom beliefs and headcanons for it not to be related to L at all.

Treat People With Kindness

simple straight forward song about how Harry must have felt during tour.

Fine Line

Believe this song is for the present. Like a promise and vow that they will be alright despite everything still surrounding them and put upon them.

The song calls to me as very loaded, somber but hopeful. Resigned but full of promises. The instruments/instrumental gives you that nostalgic feeling like “i know who I am now. Ive accepted me. And we’ll be alright”

As said even prior to HS2, i have a general belief/leaning towards the fact that H and L may have broken up for a time. Couldnt really say how long or how short, or if it was an actual break up or merely a rough patch, no one can anyway. But if my interpretation and opinion are a tiny bit accurate then that makes sense right?

Whatever it is, the way H writes abt L matches Louis’ songs too. Too Young, Habit and Defenceless appears to be abt a difficult time in a relationship or even a break up of some sort. But really, when Louis sang these songs in CCME I didnt feel sad or felt like they have indeed broken up. To me, it felt like a declaration that “hey we havent had it easy but even during the times were not together, its you. Youre it”. Theres too much love there not to think or interpret it that way. A person who has been left behind or have left someone wont write abt heartbreak and at the same time declare “YOURE THE ONE”.

Id like to end this first post, by saying that we cant really know the real score between H and L. And at the end of the day we are all speculating. But regardless of their status now, you cant deny how inspiring their love is (or was, depends what your beliefs are).

Hope i can now post more things as they come. I promise, really, not to be a problematic fan.

Please dont fight me??!

[lcncasters-blog]

hey everyone!!! i’m d, i’m 23, and i use they/them pronouns. super hyped about being here so i’ma just get right into it

so kai is my fave character and kinda notoriously The Worst while also being The Best, so i’m warning y’all before we even go in that he’s actually so sloppy and wild pls proceed w/ caution. i’ve been playing him for over 4 years. that being said, he does have a fuck ton of information, so while the bullet points are going to be as condensed as i can possibly make them, you should really check out the appearance section (or you can just look at my sidebar which is wonderful artwork of kai one of my close friends did for me --- give them love on their art blog nialls ok SO talented) of his STATS FRAMEWORK and then if you really hate yourself i have a DEVELOPMENT TAG too with a bunch of headcanons (feel free to RB the rebloggable ones from me btw)

LOUIS TOMLINSON? no ⏤ KAI LANCASTER, the DEMIBOY is TWENTY-THREE and was born with a GOLD soul, and now has a GREY soul. i would describe HIM/THEM as EXUBERANT + BRAVE, yet CARELESS + IMPATIENT. KAI spends HIS/THEIR time PLAYING AT SMALL VENUES WITH HIS ALT ROCK BAND AND WORKING AS A NANNY and has lived in seattle for TWO YEARS.

TW FOR TERMINAL ILLNESS/CANCER, SUBSTANCE ABUSE MENTIONS, ABLEISM, & MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM/SUICIDE.

kai was born a gold soul into a pretty posh, old-money typea family in manchester, uk. like i’m talking on his mothers side they’re all doctors, lawyers, scholars, etc, etc, and on his dad’s side entrepeneurs. his parents themselves built a fairly large business from the ground up together that now goes by the name of lancaster industries. their current biggest venture and pretty much what they’ve built the whole of their fortune on is a chain of luxury hotels that you can find basically in every major city in the world.

he had 3 younger sisters who he essentially raised considering his parents were too busy to be around during their childhood. only two of them are still living, his youngest sister having passed a couple years ago at the age of 7 from leukemia.

his mother is literally the devil? kai always hated school/struggled in it for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which were his not diagnosed adhd and his dyslexia, which he never got the help he probably needed for. he’s always kinda just thought he was extremely stupid, and that idea was reinforced by the way his mother always used to tell him the very same thing. “think harder, kai. use your brain.” is a phrase that’s essentially been reinforced so many times in his head, he p much hears her voice ringing in his ears every time he gets so much as vaguely confused now.

that being said, despite how he struggled in school, he was always a very vibrant, kind, charismatic, and magnetic young person. he tends to draw people into him with his silly nature and upbeat attitude, and he’s kind of the Eternal Optimist, so he was fairly popular when he was attending. to say he has eccentricities would be putting it lightly, and he’s loud, never seeming to run out of things to say or fail to command the interest of the room.

anyway things with his mum only got worse in his relationship with her when he barely managed to complete his a levels by the skin of his teeth (and with an absurd amount of tutoring), and then refused to go to the university of her choosing. she p much wanted him to “get his shit together” so he could take over the family business someday, but i am not kidding when i say kai would wilt away and probably legit just die if he had to work in a place like that forever – and that’s assuming he even got through business school in the first place.

his father was always a push-over and sort of was absent/bent to her will when he was around, so he didn’t bother to defend kai when his mother decided 2 cut him off from everything and essentially ex-communicate him once she realised he was refusing 2 be manipulated and forced into shit anymore.

that was at age 18, and by that point he had plans to move out and travel to london with his best mate anyway, so he was basically like “peace out” and got the hell out of dodge. he still harbours a lot of guilt for abandoning his younger sisters, particularly so considering his youngest one fell ill so soon after his departure.

he lives, breathes, and sleeps piano. music as a whole is something he’s passionate about, having taken the time to develop his somewhat unorthodox voice, but the way his fingers fly over the ivories is a living art form more than it is anything. it’s how he communicates, how he speaks his deepest truth and just like? put those feelings out there into the world that he otherwise wouldn’t be able to articulate in the common vernacular.

so what he wants to do with his life is to just? talk to people? through his music? to play for them and the be in front of a crowd every night and to feel the energy of them, to command them with his presence and to exist with them in that way. he almost gets high off of it? he’s been playing small shows since age nineteen with his band, but since he moved to america he obvi hasn’t had them and has been on his own.

SORRY I’M REALLY TRYING TO CONDENSE THIS so ok basically he was in love w this girl from the time they were 14. they lost their virginity 2 each other, they were on & off all through HS, & then through to age 20 after he moved away and all that. she was v v ill and struggled with mental illness and kai tried his best 2 take care of her, but he was always in over his head despite his dedication to like making her feel OKAY. she needed help that he could not give 2 her, and they ended up breaking up & him letting her go at the end. she died soon after that, and it remains unclear 2 him whether or not it was a suicide. it was officially ruled as an “accident”, but he knows different and yeah i mean. essentially like.... the most “smudges” on his soul kinda came from his sitch w her bc he was always coming and leaving and dropping her and returning when she needed him and like. he TRIED but he just COULDN’T? anyways

after that he got involved with this boy who was a substance abuser, addicted to H to b exact, and for a while he thought that he was getting better and they were building off of each other, building a healthy life together. the fact he called kai his “new addiction” was probably never a good thing, but kai didn’t recognize that at the time. they got engaged eventually, and kai was 100% convinced that he was the actual love of his life after caro. of course, in the end, it wasn’t built to last, and when it went bad, it went really bad. kai eventually felt like there was a chasm several miles deep between them, and he had no hope of getting to the other side again. he broke it off, broke the guy’s heart, and made his soul even darker.

THIS NEXT ONE IS KINDA AN OPTION CONNECTION OKAY SO IF ANY1 IS INTERESTED PLS PLS LMK!!!

kai has been posting vids on YT of him covering songs on his YouTube for like actual years, and when he was around 20 he met this person via the comments section on one of them. they seemed to be quite the fan of his interpretation of some of the songs he chose to play. they ended up talking more and more as time went on, exchanging contact information, and grew very very very close.

that was the start of the LDR that is what brought him to america/to seattle in the first place. they were together for about eight months and had seen each other in person three times for a total of about 3 weeks before he made the decision to get started on his visa and move to the states. the moment he was able to, he crossed the pond and moved in w them!!

strain on their relationship was created when at first kai was unable to find work and contribute to the bills and the household funds. they lived in a tiny flat, and going from barely seeing each other to having each other all at once and all the time was a lot. on top of that, kai was homesick and restless and felt trapped because that’s what kai does and it’s not okay and it’s totally wrong and he cheated on them soooo there’s another tick against his soul ig. within six months of his arrival, they broke up, and kai moved out.

he couch surfed w some friends he’d met 4 a while, and eventually found a decent paying job as a nanny for a well off family.

he plays live shows at small venues in bars/clubs and still seeks to make a living as a musician but it’s hard out there and plus his soul aint exactly the prettiest to look at any more. i mean he doesn’t have a DARK DARK grey soul, it’s more a lighter grey, not quite silver, but definitely not storm clouds.

he’s still working on getting his full citizenship though he’s v v v close 2 it & has been lowkey getting help from his cousin w paying for the process so!!

THAT’S BASICALLY IT

last but not least IM REALLY FUCKING SORRY  ICOULDN’T MAKE THIS SHORTER I JUST HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND fEELIGNSA

SEND ME AN IM OR LIKE IF YOU WANT TO PLOT!

[yoongisgoawaydoormat]

Is it Harry you don't like or how he's been branded since the early 1D days? How the media pegged him as the front man when clearly there 5 great guys in the band? I'm just curious because I like Harry and the four other guys equally in terms of music, even before they started making solo music.

im gonna kinda combine this answer with an anon i should have responded to weeks ago “i've noticed you dislike harry, especially recently with him promoting his new music, but i'm not sure how/why it started exactly. could you explain??”

for me now it’s that i don’t like harry and that’s a position i’ve come to over the course of the past 2-3 years and i think i can break that evolution down into two broad categories: his relation to zayn (both pre- and post-march 2015) and how he has approached going solo (again both pre- and post-1d going on a break). 

and what’s most important about these two for me is that it is hard to explain away his actions in these categories as Harry Styles™; these are HIS choices, HIS words, HIS actions thus forcing me to dislike harry styles the person

for the sake of people’s dashes i’m putting a read more, but for those interested i’ve written a novel explaining these categories in more detail below (deadass i just copied it all into word and it’s 1500 words long..... im-.....)

1) how harry relates to zayn

i list his relation to zayn first because i truly believe this says something about his character. he has done things specifically re: zayn that have nothing to do with how he’s been branded in 1d or how the media has portrayed him; his actions that im going to discuss and that have most negatively affected my view of him are all on harry styles the person

it really started in the summer of 2014 when he waved the inflatable hammer of israel around at a concert during a time of heightened tensions between israel and palestine (and by heightened tensions i mean more war crimes and atrocities committed by the apartheid-esque occupational regime of israel). he asked those fans for that hammer, he is the one who has multiple zionist connections and could easily be considered a zionist himself. that’s on harry styles the person. meanwhile zayn tweets #FreePalestine shortly after that and is abused off of twitter. i recognize that the (racist) double standard here is not coming directly from harry but he benefits from it (and always has) and he plays into it and i can’t even imagine how zayn felt as a muslim man having to sit and watch his bandmate get a free pass for supporting a genocidal regime while he is eviscerated for one tweet of support. harry’s role in all this was the first moment i truly began to dislike him as a person

then we have his actions after zayn left. i will never claim to know what went down. im not sure we will ever know the whole ‘truth’ of zayn leaving and i’ve always said there’s shades of grey, no clear right and wrong, good and bad. it was messy but the bottom line is that zayn left (at least in part) because he was in an unhealthy state both mentally and physically and no one deserves that. so for all that the remaining four may have been justifiably hurt, confused, angry, etc. at things we can’t even possibly know about or understand re: zayn leaving, zayn deserves to be happy and healthy and people need to respect that. i do not think harry (nor his fans) respected that or zayn himself at all in the wake of him leaving. harry’s actions during mitam promo was, in my opinon, the most egregious and blatantly disrespectful. all four of them demonstrated sadness and/or bitterness at times but harry’s behavior (such as saying the ‘paperwork’ was the hardest part of z leaving, kicking a z mask off the stage, etc.) came across to me as petty, immature, spiteful and mean-spirited. it was not a spite that i saw in the other three. as a ztan (and also just a decent human?) i lost a lot of respect for harry in those months. i think these actions showed his true colors and those are not colors which i like very much.

also i’ve discussed this a bit on this blog but with the benefit of hindsight i do believe that a lot of those bitter actions re: zayn came from a selfish place of anger at zayn for ‘beating’ him to the solo game and from a place of ‘i’m going to villainize this person in order to make myself look better now and down the line.’ i think that was ‘proven’ for me when the build up for harry’s solo material included a LOT of very intentional mentions and comparisons to zayn. obviously that was something the media and people were going to do anyway but it was to a degree that felt sanctioned and encouraged; i think that comparison and that emphasis of ‘zayn as the evil judas who left, harry as the one who stayed until it was time’ was part of harry and his teams promo strategy (that backfired when SOTT flopped compared to pillowtalk, hence why i think those comparisons in big outlets have ceased, but i digress)... that’s a lot more of my own interpretation and my own reading of the info i have so it’s not as concrete as the stuff above but it does factor into my personal view of harry annnnnd it also connects nicely to my second point

2) his solo approach

now this is a more complex issue, and more of it *could* be attributed to Harry Styles™ but im going to preface my discussion by saying that harry chose his team. he’s been hanging with the azoffs on his personal time since 2013, his friendship with jeff has always been in our faces, he’s very clearly in the driver’s seat of his career at the moment, just as niall and liam appear to be (louis is a different and extremely nuanced conversation). he’s been angling towards his solo career for YEARS and while i don’t necessarily think that in and of itself is a bad thing (everyone in bands esp boy bands does that kind of forward thinking), i think the way he has gone about it is by stepping on his four bandmates in one way or another and i think that’s really fucking shitty. he has leveraged the existing Harry Styles™ frontman, standout image to catapult himself into this weird realm of ‘im above everything, im too cool, im already a legend’ promo.

on top of that kind of broad stroke stuff, some of his specific actions are just......... eye-roll worthy. i mean think about what the FIRST thing he did was after 1D went on a break? yachtgate. you can brush that off as a stunt all you want (and obviously in many ways it was) but it was a stunt that encouraged a certain solo harry narrative. it helped solidify him as the a-lister of the band hanging with jenners on fancy boats. it helped solidify him as a ‘star in his own right’ signing contracts and paperwork with jeff. it was a stunt that HELPED harry.

this is kind of a digression but i do think it’s important to note the nuanced difference between harry and louis’ ‘stunts.’ totally disregarding conversations of ‘real or fake,’ if we look at the major ‘stunts’ harry and louis have undertaken in their careers (and within this im including anything that could be construed as their ‘personal life’ being projected publicly i.e. eleanor, danielle, babygate, taylor swift, kendull jenner, etc.) harry’s stunts have always boosted his public image while louis’ have always hurt his. i know that’s an EXTREMELY broad and generalizing brush to paint with and im not trying to say that harry’s image has always been ‘good’, i remember the womanizer days i cant even imagine how much that hurt him and it sucks. but basically harry’s stunts have always made him more famous, putting him in an increasingly better position to convert Harry Styles™ into solo success. louis’ stunts have consistently done the opposite, giving him a SERIOUS uphill battle when it comes to the general public and mainstream media acknowledging his solo endeavors.

this is a discrepancy that exists between harry and ALL the boys, not just with louis (though the gulf between them is the most... extreme i’d say). harry has always been positioned above liam, niall and zayn too, and what i have a problem with is how that is being leveraged and leaned into rather than dispelled. harry could easily take the approach niall has which is constantly recognizing the good that one direction did for him. even if he didn’t want to be so overt he could have at least tried to be as polite and gracious as zayn was, who while recognizing that he wanted to do his own thing and his own music was very conscious to acknowledge the good bits of 1D. instead we have this weird almost antagonistic approach in his (sparse) interviews wherein it feels like harry treats 1d as this thing that was holding him back, something he is now free of. it’s a pretentiousness that i dont appreciate

the final thing i’ll add in this section is in how he and his team are treating the fans that he does have. i am not one of those people but at times i feel quite bad? and sorry? for harries who are investing their time and money and effort into an artist who seems hell bent on ignoring them. this aloofness is demonstrated on his social media, i mean has he taken time to interact with or thank fans once????? the whole tour ticket debacle sounds horrendous and im sorry for fans that don’t get to go because harry and his team bungled it. there’s just a distinct...... disrespect for the fans he was bringing with him from the 1D days and that’s frustrating.