Chapter 3: Love and Devotion
Narrated by Envoy Reza.
Narrator: The evening prayer bell rang after the Queen and her servants boarded the carriage back to the palace.
Narrator: I began praying in an empty room.
Narrator: I lit a candle, knelt before the statue of God, and recited the holy texts.
Envoy: God will tell us what is the utmost purity and beauty...
Narrator: Under the moon and candlelight, I knelt in peace, enjoying God's salvation in silence.
Narrator: The silence was broken by murmurs.
Narrator: Sweet sighs, words in a seductive tone, accompanied by an unfamiliar yet intoxicating scent.
Narrator: The scent enveloped me in the flickering candlelight.
Narrator: I could not focus on my communion. All I heard was the Queen's alluring murmurs.
Narrator: Not just that night, not just that time.
Lilith: Is she one of the chosen?
Narrator: The angelic smile concealed demonic whispers, with every word prying apart my soul.
Narrator: It could not possibly be her. The sheltered butterfly had never been baptized by God.
Narrator: She would never pray every day, much less devote her life to God.
Narrator: God will never choose her.
Narrator: I'm the one who's thoroughly dedicated to God.
Narrator: I stopped my prayers, raised my head to see the statue was smiling, then closed my eyes again.
Choose either "Do you feel any bitterness?" or "Do you still believe in God?"
If "feel," ...
You: Didn't you feel any bitterness?
Narrator: A pious follower should never feel that way.
If "believe," ...
You: Do you still believe in this so-called god?
Narrator: Of course. I'm the most devout envoy there is.
--
Narrator: A few days later, as I passed by the garden, I noticed the "butterfly" came to the abbey again.
Narrator: The fluttering dress, careless laughter, and the flowers all seemed even more lively.
Narrator: I stared from afar and thought the excess beauty was... Disgusting.
Narrator: If only I could break her wings.
Narrator: I muttered, then shuddered that my mind could conceive such an idea.
Narrator: I returned to the church and served tea to the Queen here to pray, and to Arwen, who was next to her.
Narrator: The duke's daughter...
Narrator: I glanced at Lilith, but she wasn't looking my way, just chatting with those around her.
Narrator: I went back to my room after afternoon tea. Nothing happened.
Narrator: The carriage left and it was time for evening prayer. I stoically unfolded the prayer sheets and knelt before my god.
Narrator: The angels on the stained glass were still detached as ever.
Envoy: God will tell us what is the utmost purity and beauty...
Narrator: I repeated it mechanically in my mind, as the intoxicating scent enveloped me again.
Narrator: I opened my eyes to see Lilith sitting on the altar. She was looking down at me. Her figure obstructed the statue behind her.
Narrator: She slowly replaced the statue and monopolized my field of vision.
Lilith: Now will you answer me, Envoy Reza?
Narrator: It was the smile that had appeared countless times in my dreams. She leaned over, reached out, and softly stroked my face.
Lilith: You believe in God, believe in kindness, but God only took your piety without giving anything back.
Narrator: I gazed at Lilith. I didn't look away this time and stared straight into her eyes.
Narrator: I saw a completely different me in the reflection.
Lilith: Tell me, do you hate Him?
Narrator: I was chosen by God.
Narrator: I never was bitter nor resentful.
Narrator: Yes.
Narrator: I didn't...
Narrator: I...
Envoy: I... do hate him.
Narrator: She gently brushed her fingertip over the corner of my eye, like a god taking pity on some poor soul.
Narrator: She wiped away a tear.
Narrator: Tears...? I was crying?
Lilith: Poor soul...
Envoy: It's my fault...
Narrator: It was my fault and I must repent... But before I could finish, Lilith softly interrupted.
Lilith: No, it's not your fault. It's God's fault for using your kindness to confine you.
Lilith: I'm just giving you back the freedom you deserve.
Lilith: Only I know the real you...
Narrator: I looked up and saw the sky was dark. The angels on the stained glass lost their luster. My eyes welled up with tears.
Narrator: I could only focus on Lilith's face through my blurry vision.
Narrator: She is so beautiful. Even her voice offered me redemption.
Lilith: Let me choose you, the real, free you, Envoy Reza.
Narrator: Lilith smiled a devilish grin that was even more soothing than an angel's.
Narrator: I reached out to her and finished the final prayers with the line most familiar to me.
Envoy: I shall offer "God" all my piety and love.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 4
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at your altar
It's true that I am not a devout person in the sense of any religion, but in love, I am the most devoted believer. When you walk this Earth, the hills shape to your step. As you speak, birds stop chirping and river currents hush; why, if not to hear you better?
The spirits that haunt this world stop moaning to hum softly in the relief of your presence. The pain that has nested in my bones softens, its thorns seemingly shrinking away at the sight of you.
When you reach out your arm, your hand extending for mine, the world slows on its axis. And when you look at me with a softness in your eyes, my heartbeat slows just the same.
It is only when this sequence occurs where I can see clearly to meet your eyes, you return my gaze with nothing but love in your expression that I hear the choirs and I see the sun rise and I feel like this is it… this is as close I get to devotion. I have stood at the door of Heaven. I am blessed despite my sins. I am graced by your ethereal love without expectation or comparison.
How could I ever worship another?
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