#love how being the only one to recognize a problem and seek treatment has gotten me designated as the crazy one in the family

[basuralindo]

*invents spam filter that sets people's phones on fire the second they send me an unsolicited nutrition article*

[connorandersons-blog]

How about this? Rk1700: Nines sees Markus and Connor together and feels jealous?

These two were super similar so I combined them!! So have some Rk1k and Rk1700! (There isn’t any Markus/Nines though, sorry)

So this is kinda long so I also posted it on A03 and you can find the fic here!

Hope you enjoy!!

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Markus

Markus couldn't help but watch Connor, he was gorgeous, smart, kind, funny, and even a little clumsy if he was too lost in thought. Not to be dramatic, but he was in love. He was pretty sure he fell in love when Connor first walked into Jericho with that silly stance and gate. He had no idea how to be deviant, and he was a bit shocked no one else noticed. 

Still, he had managed to talk him into deviancy, one of the hardest things he had to do if he was being honest. Then they were running for their lives and Connor and he worked together in perfect harmony. 

His heart broke when Connor suggested his suicide mission, but knew he had to let him go. Connor had to do this, not just for the revolution, but for himself. Markus could already see the amount of guilt that weighed on his shoulders. 

He was so grateful that he came back, leading an army of androids no less. He was definitely in love then. The problem was, Connor was oblivious. He had absolutely no idea and at first, that was adorable, now it was driving Markus crazy. 

He didn't want to make the first move, he didn't want Connor to feel obligated to say yes. So he was left pining and complaining about it to his friends. 

"He's just! Ugh! North, you know? I just want to hold him, do you think he'd let me?" He asked, imagining what that would feel like. Connor was always so stiff, especially when working. The few times he saw him truly relax was in stasis or when petting Sumo. God, he was just so adorable, and his smile was so lopsided and awkward. 

"I'm going to murder you in your sleep," North threatens, glaring at him. "Why don't you just ask if you can cuddle or whatever? Not like he'd realize you like him. He didn't realize it after the dates, he didn't notice it after the candy thirium, he won't realize it now." 

Hmm, that was most likely true. "North, you are a genius!" He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before running out. 

He found Connor where he always did when he had free time, in the greenhouse. A KL900 had suggested it after meeting Connor and it was one of the best things to happen, in Markus' opinion. 

He could tell when Connor had been in the garden, his face always had a smudge of dirt, or his nails would be dirty. Markus had mentioned there were gardening gloves, but Connor had said he liked the feeling of doing it with his bare hands. 

"And then Sumo shook! The soap and water got everywhere," Connor laughed, sitting in front of some plants. 

Markus watched, biting his lip. He was talking to plants, which he would have been a bit worried about if it was anyone else. "Are the plants saying anything back?" Markus asks. Connor's head whips around and his smile brightens. Markus' heart leaps at the sight, his own smile growing impossibly wider. 

"Plants can't talk, Markus," Connor points out, patting the ground next to him. Markus takes the invitation instantly. 

"So you're just talking to them…" Markus asks, reaching out and looking over the plants. They are all growing exceptionally well, but he wouldn't expect anything else. 

Connor shrugs and swats Markus' hand away when he pulls a little too hard on a leaf for his liking. "Humans believe talking to plants helps them grow. Experts believe this theory probably dates back to a book from 1848, in which German professor Gustav Fechner suggested plants might be capable of feeling human-like emotions. Despite many different scientific studies on this theory, there's still no conclusive evidence that talking to plants helps them grow or, if it does, why it helps. Though there are plenty of interesting theories." 

"Oh?" He really couldn't care less about plants, but Connor was passionate about it and he would never tell him to be quiet when so excited. Plus, he really liked listening to him talk. 

"There is evidence from certain studies, however, to suggest that it's a plausible theory that plants do respond positively to exposure to sounds. For example, some researchers have found evidence that plants respond to vibrations. Although some scientists believe plant responses to vibrations help them survive in windy environments, it's plausible to think that sounds, which are forms of vibrations, could affect plants, too.

"Other researchers believe that talking to plants may stimulate growth because of the carbon dioxide produced when people exhale as they speak. Since plants take in carbon dioxide, some scientists believe carbon dioxide could explain the benefit that speaking to plants seems to provide. So for androids, if that is true then it won't help." Connor rambled, facing the plants. 

Markus nodded, thinking it over. "That actually makes a lot of sense." He reached out to the plant again only to get swatted away again. Honestly, he just wanted Connor to touch him again. 

"It does, I was planning to run an experiment myself, as I can make it as controlled as possible, especially here. What do you think?" He finally glanced at Markus, his head tilted to the side. 

"Yeah, I don't see why not. If you need any help, let me know, ok?" He'd help however he could if it meant Connor would be this excited. 

"Ah, thank you! Now, I know you didn't come here just to talk about plant theory, what can I do to help?" If his posture wasn't already perfect he would have sat up straighter, waiting for a command of any kind. 

Well, it was now or never. "Can I hug you? I've just, I wanted a hug." Hugging was a start, he didn't want to push Connor too far too fast. 

But apparently, Connor thought differently as he climbed into Markus' lap and wrapped himself around him. "Of course, I'll hug you as long as you'd like." 

Markus froze before wrapping his arms around Connor, pulling him closer. "Thank you, I really wanted this." He buried his face in Connor's shoulder, taking in slow breaths. This was so much more than he had expected but he was so glad it was happening. 

"Connor, oh, I apologize for interrupting." 

Nines

He was absolutely not in love with Connor. He was above such silly human concepts, and why would he even love his predecessor? Sure he was rather adorable, enthusiastic, hard-working, considerate, dependable, funny, and courageous, but that didn't mean he loved him. He just, well he looked up to him. 

He was meant to be the better android, but that had long since become meaningless once the androids had actually won with a peaceful revolution. Plus, Connor had more actual experience which did count for a lot. 

He was absolutely not in love, no matter how many times Gavin Reed of all people tried to get him to ask Connor out. It was silly, just because he liked watching Connor didn't mean he loved him. He was just fascinating to watch, and if Connor caught him a few times and smiled, well that was between them. 

He had taken to going to Connor when stuck on a case. Not for hard evidence, that would be preposterous, he simply needed advice on human or android motivation. He could go to Gavin, it would actually be much simpler, but he didn't mind going out of his way. 

Like now, he was visiting New Jericho to find Connor and had decided the best place to look would be wherever Markus was, or the garden. This time it was the same place so he knew Connor would most likely be there. 

"Connor, oh, I apologize for interrupting." 

What he hadn't expected to find was Connor sitting in Markus' lap, legs and arms wrapped around him. In an instance, there was a surge of emotions, ones he had gotten good at recognizing in him. Anger, envy, sadness, and resentment, almost all directed towards Markus. 

He pressed his lips into a thin line, taking in a slow breath. Connor blinks and looks up at him, giving him that annoyingly dopey smile. "Nines! It's ok, would you like to join." 

Markus turned to glance at Nines, squinting at him just slightly. Ah, so it would be like that. "No thank you, I'd rather not intrude." He could however be respectful. If he was to go up against anyone for Connor, which he wasn't going to do because he did not love Connor, he was almost glad it was him. Markus was indeed a wonderful man, smart and incredibly charismatic. Nines respected him more than most and found he would seek his wisdom as well when needed. 

"Oh, what did you need?" Connor didn't detangle himself, obviously not picking up on the tension that weighed heavily in the room. 

Nines glanced to Markus who only shrugged. At least he was fine with them talking while the two did… whatever that was. "I was looking for your help on a case but I see that you are busy." He gave a small nod to each and watched as Connor's face fell. 

>>RK800: You can come to Hank's tonight if you'd still like help. 

Connor sent wordlessly, resting his chin back on Markus' shoulder. Nines gave a low hum but didn't decide yet. If he still needed the help then he would seek him out. 

>>RK900 Thank you for the offer, have a wonderful day. 

Connor

He had found that he rather liked physical contact. Hank wasn't too tactile, but he didn't complain much when Connor curled up against him as they watched whatever show Hank had insisted was necessary. 

He didn't exactly instigate it, though. He didn't want people to think he was going to be violent, there was still that fear. Thankfully, Nines didn't seem to get the same treatment, or at least not to the same extent. He was pretty sure it was because Nines hadn't been released into the public before the revolution.

Nines wasn't one for much touching, though there was the possibility that he has the same thought process as Connor. 

Markus, however, adored hugs. He always gave fleeting touches without even thinking about it. When Markus had asked he didn't hesitate. It made sense to get as close as possible, plus it would be most comfortable for both of them. 

He was a bit surprised to see Nines but thought the more the merrier. Sadly he didn't seem interested and left just as quickly. He pouted slightly, shifting a bit before relaxing into the embrace again. 

Markus hadn't relaxed again and Connor let out a sigh. "What's wrong?" He pulled back slightly, hands resting on Markus' shoulders. If he had said something he'd rather know so he could apologize. 

"Huh?" Markus blinked before looking back at Connor, a slight blue flush to his face. Connor felt heat radiating from him and got a bit concerned before Markus smiled. "Nothing, I wasn't expecting Nines or really anyone." 

Ah, well that made sense. "Perhaps we can hug somewhere else if you don't want to be interrupted." He wouldn't mind, it was rather relaxing.

"This is a little more than hugging, Connor. I don't want… well, I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Markus sighed, resting his hands on Connor's waist. 

Connor tilted his head. More than hugging?

[Cuddle- 1: to hold close for warmth or comfort or in affection. 2: to lie close]

Or perhaps snuggle which was a synonym.

[Snuggle- 1: to curl up comfortably or cozily. transitive verb. 2: to draw close especially for comfort or in affection]

Yes, that fit better than a simple hug. Though he wasn't sure why that would make him uncomfortable, especially since he was the one that turned into cuddling. Why privacy would change that fact was beyond him. "I don't see how that would change, I think I like this, you're comfy." 

Markus' face flushed even bluer and pulled Connor back in. "I'm glad you feel that way. You're pretty comfy yourself." Markus gently nuzzled at his neck and Connor let out a small happy rumble. His neck was sensitive, but his hands, tongue, and ports were more so. The one on the back of the neck was one of the most sensitive, or really any of his biocomponents. 

He let his head loll to the side slightly, but let out a very loud squeak when Markus stood. He held on tightly, keeping his legs tightly around him. "Wha-" 

"We're going somewhere more private, that is ok, right?" Markus asked, stalling momentarily. 

"Of course, I was caught a bit off guard. I can walk, you know." He pointed out, using his legs to keep him up and leaning back to glance at Markus, a small smile on his face. He didn't mind the hands that made sure he didn't fall, but they were completely unnecessary. 

Markus shrugged, starting to walk out of the greenhouse. "You said you were comfortable, didn't want to change that." 

Connor hummed but didn't argue. It did gain them some looks but they both ignored it. There would be rumors circling around, not that Connor would pick up on it. 

He heard a snicker that sounded an awful lot like North as Markus brought them into the highest level that had been turned into a home. The leaders (except Connor) all lived there together, so it most definitely was North. No one else (for security reasons) was allowed up here, again, except for Connor. 

He was then very gently placed on a soft bed, and he knew it was Markus'. He hadn't understood why Markus had gotten a bed, at first. Androids didn't need to sleep, even if they could after the updates. Connor simply stayed at Hank's and sat on the couch with Sumo. 

Now he understood. Sleeping was relaxing, and he rather liked dozing off cuddling with Sumo. Now he was on Markus' bed, looking up at him with a smile. 

Markus 

Fuck this was a bad idea. Connor didn't even have an idea of how this looked. He was all but splayed out on his bed, looking up at him with adoration. Or, that's what he hoped he saw. He kicked his door closed but regretted that too. It gave them more privacy and let Markus' brain run wild with possibilities. 

"Markus? Is something wrong?" Connor asked, wiggling on the bed to give Markus space. Fuck, God, this was terrible. He shouldn't take advantage of him like this. But he could make this just platonic. Friends cuddled all the time. 

He shook his head, toeing off his shoes. "Nothing, I was just thinking. You sure you're ok with this?" He would stop immediately, he'd do anything. 

Connor nodded and took his own shoes off, placing them gently on the ground. Markus couldn't help the small chuckle as his socks. They had little dogs on it, and it was adorably such a Connor thing to do. 

He climbed into the bed, looking at Connor who looked so at home in Markus's room. "How, do you want to go back to the position we were in before or laying down?" 

Connor seemed to think it over before shrugging. "I don't mind either way, as long as you're comfortable and happy." 

"I want you to be happy and comfortable too." 

"I'm happy just being near you." 

He really had no idea what his words could do or mean to Markus. If they sat the way they did before and Connor squirmed a bit, Markus would definitely have a problem. "Laying down, that way if either of us gets sleepy it's not much of a problem." He wouldn't mind that, literally sleeping with Connor. 

"I shouldn't stay the night, I did offer to meet Nines at Hank's later to help with the case," Connor said, letting Markus get comfortable before following his lead. Over half of Connor was laying on Markus, wrapping himself around him. His head was resting on Markus's chest, once again letting out a small rumble. 

Markus felt his heart skip a beat, unsure what to do with his hands. One went to Connor's hair, gently carding through it and the other held Connor close. 

The bed itself was soft and warm even without any blankets covering them. He could feel Connor's slow breath as he relaxed, the silence of the room more comforting than awkward. 

They shifted every now and then but mostly stayed put, both content with their positions. They barely talked, at least not out loud. Neither wanted to break the silence, and they could talk without having to say anything out loud. 

Markus and Connor had both seemed to lose track of time before Connor jumped slightly. "You ok?" 

"Yes, I set an alarm to make sure I didn't fall asleep." Connor stretched, accidentally rubbing himself against Markus. Then he sat up, and Markus felt cold seep into him. He missed the pressure of Connor against him and just wanted to pull him down, never let him go. 

"Oh, that was probably a good idea. Thank you for this, I really needed it." His stress levels were so low it was shocking, and if this calmed him that much he couldn't imagine what more would do. 

Connor slipped off the bed, pulling his shoes on, "of course! I rather enjoyed it, so if you ever need a hug again, I'd be glad to." Connor's clothes were adorably wrinkled as he moved over towards the door. 

Markus stood too, moving to Connor. "I can walk you out," he wouldn't mind the extra time with him. 

"No need. I know the way, thank you, though." He leaned up and gave him a quick hug before pecking him on the cheek. Markus knew it didn't mean much, for all of Connor's detective skills, he wasn't the best when it came to his own life. He probably had no idea that could be considered romantic. "Have a good night." 

Nines

When Connor had informed Nines was home he left for him instantly. Hank was already home, and when Nines knocked he was the one that opened the door. He eyes Nines and had that look on his face that meant he knew something Nines didn't. He didn't like that at all. 

"Nines, I'm guessing you're not here to see my ugly mug," Hank snorted, stepping aside to let him in. Nines hummed looking around. 

Connor was on the couch, curled up with Sumo's head on his lap. What made his thirium pump stutter was what he was wearing. He had on a huge hoodie, which most likely belonged to Hank and small shorts. He had on long soaks too which somehow made him look even more adorable. 

Connor glanced over, smiling at Nines. "Hey! Glad you came, do you want something to drink or eat?" He moved to get up, but Nines waved him off, taking the seat next to him. He knew where Hank preferred to sit but thankfully the closest spot to Connor wasn't that one. 

"No need, I do not require anything. Thank you, though." His posture was perfect as he glanced at the TV. A cooking show was playing, Nines had heard Connor mention it before. It seemed he was rather fond of those types of shows. 

Connor nodded, shifting slightly, before petting Sumo to soothe him. "Alright, so you wanted my help?" He leaned towards Nines, probably subconsciously. That must be a good sign. A sign of what, he didn't want to think of. 

"A case, may we interface?" Nines offered his hand. Connor didn't hesitate to connect, gladly taking in all the information. Then Nines was flooded with emotions that weren't his own. He felt plenty of emotions but he ignored them enough that they dimmed. These emotions were like fire, burning hot and bright.

Before he could really get a grip on them the connection was severed. "Fuck, sorry. Didn't mean to bombard you." 

Nines shook his head, the synthetic skin covering his hand again. "I don't mind. Do you have any advice on the case?" 

Connor hummed, eyes fluttering as he quickly went over the new information. "Well," he said, "this is certainly interesting. To me, it seems like the AX was jealous. That's a pretty common emotion but it can lead to violence. Plus she wouldn't leave behind evidence. I think she'd be your best bet." 

"But she was his best friend, why would she do that? Wouldn't she want him to be happy?" It didn't make sense, killing the competition only made the killer look bad. 

Connor shrugged, leaning even closer to Nines. "She may have thought she could get away with it. If she thought she had no chance, and put all her hopes and happiness onto one person… well that can really hurt someone."

"So she could not be happy without him?" 

"Yeah, but I'd say you'd need to interrogate her, I could be wrong." 

"You rarely are," Nines says, his lips twitching into an almost smile. 

"I um… can I ask you something, Nines?" Connor asks, looking down at his lap. Nines notes Connor's rising stress levels and puts a hand on his shoulder, hoping to soothe him. 

"You may ask me anything, you know that." He would do his best to answer too. Humans sometimes thought androids knee everything, but that notion was simply impossible. They had just as many questions, if not more than humans. 

Connor stalled for a second, biting his lip before letting out his breath. "Can I hug you? Or I guess, cuddle? I really liked doing it with Markus and you… I just wanted to at least hug you? If you don't want to be touched it's ok, I'll understand." Connor quickly said. 

Nines eyes widened as he processed the question. Connor wanted to hug and or cuddle with him. Connor had done so with Markus. Nines really wanted to be better at this than Markus but the chances of that were slim. It was natural for Markus to touch or reach out to someone. Nines still felt too awkward to do so. 

Apparently, his silence was too long as Connor shifted enough to make Sumo huff and get off, glaring at the two. "S-sorry, uh we don't have to, I totally get it." 

Well, that just wouldn't do. He moved around a bit before tugging on Connor's arm. His eyes widened at the acceptance and gladly snuggled up close, head resting on Nines' chest while his body rested on him as well. Nines' body caged him in, legs on either side of Connor. They shifted until they were both comfortable, Nines' arms finding their way around Connor to hold him. 

Hank walked into the room, sighed, then walked to his bedroom muttering something neither picked up. Well, that was fine with Nines, he would mind some time alone with Connor, he rarely got it anyway. 

Connor watched the show and Nines mostly watched Connor. He liked watching the rise and fall as he breathed, and the way his hands would twitch, making Nines' shirt bunch up slowly. He really liked it when Connor let out a yawn, trying to snuggle closer as his eyes became droopy. Nines was the one to do this, to relax Connor enough that he would fall asleep in his arms. 

It made his chest feel weird, and he even ran a diagnostic but it came up clear. It was like he had so much energy that his body was burning up with it, and it made him almost befuddled. He wasn't exactly sure what to make of this, but he was easily getting addicted to it. 

"'M falling 'sleep," Connor slurred out, letting another yawn fall from his lips. He blinked slowly, looking up at Nines. 

Damn, that feeling got only stronger. It made him want to lean down and kis-woah. That thought was slightly startling, but he pushed it aside for now. "You can sleep, I don't mind." He rather liked this and would stay completely still until he died if it meant Connor would be happy. 

Connor nodded, shuffling a bit down before pulling Nines down too so they were both lying flat. Connor then got back into the position he wanted, a sleepy smile on his face. He gave a quick peck to Nines' chest, before promptly falling asleep.

Nines laid there stunned. Connor had kissed him? It was so quick and simple, Connor probably was too tired to even think, but he still did it. Connor still kissed him. The feeling came back tenfold, and his arms wrapped around Connor protectively. 

Maybe now, in the silence of the night with Connor in his arms, he could admit to knowing this feeling. It didn't take a genius to figure out, and one quick search of the internet held his answer. He was in love with Connor. 

The thought was so easy to think as he looked at him. It was his thoughts, no one else had to know of this weakness. Connor was his weakness, his kryptonite. He knew he'd do close to anything for him. He just… he just wanted him happy. 

He wanted to watch as Connor's face lit up as he talked about animals. Or when he laughed so hard it came out sounding more mechanical than human. He wanted to see the look full of absolute wonder as he stared at something beautiful as simple as a tree turning yellow for the fall. 

He wanted to see all of it, but what if he didn't make Connor happy. He saw how content and blissful he looked in Markus' arms. If anyone could truly give Connor the world, it would be Markus. Nines wasn't meant to feel love, or compassion, or even empathy. He was made to take out targets without hesitation or remorse. He was supposed to be a cold-hearted soldier. 

He was far from that now, especially with all these thoughts. Maybe he could be better, not better than Markus but better than himself. Show Connor that he could truly make him happy if he just gave him that chance. 

Connor

When he got into work, he hadn't expected anything different. Nines certainly didn't seem bothered by Connor falling asleep on him. Hank had let out a long sigh loud enough to alert both of their systems into waking up. Connor had then gone to New Jericho since there was a small security threat, and Nines went to the station. 

Connor had gone into work the next day, not having seen Markus either. Most of the security Connor handled, then sent a report to North and if need be for legal action, the DPD. 

So he was a bit surprised to see two cases of flowers on his desk. He walked over, analyzing the flowers and vase, but there were no fingerprints. The flower meanings, however, were rather interesting. 

The first vase was painting interestingly, almost like some splattered paint all over it, and called it a day. It had amaryllis, which could mean worth beyond beauty. That was certainly sweet. The red carnations symbolize love, pride, and admiration, and the tulips meant a confession of love. The whole thing was absolutely gorgeous and smelled just as wonderful.

The other vase was a spiral of beautiful blues and purples. It had ranunculuses which symbolize radiant charm. The purple lilacs symbolize first love. Then there were the purple delphiniums. They came in many colors but purple often representing a first love. 

Connor tried not to take the meanings to heart, who knew if the ones giving had known. That did make him look at the small card that came with, but both simply had his name printed on it. 

"Looks like you got a secret admirer. Or maybe two, that would certainly be interesting," Hank points out, sitting down at his desk. Connor hummed and looked around the station. A few people seemed interested, but probably since they were curious as to why Connor had two vases.

Connor shrugged and moved them both slightly so they wouldn't be in the way. "Or just a simple kind gesture, friends give each other gifts often." 

He took his own seat, easily logging into the computer with a touch from his hand. "They are both very beautiful, I really enjoy the texture of the blueish vase." He'd never been given flowers before and found that he quite liked it. 

"Sure kid, believe whatever you want. They are pretty nice though. Any idea who they're from?" Hank looked at the flowers before glancing around himself. He caught Nines' eye but didn't linger too long. He had his suspicions but didn't want to tip Connor off to them. 

Connor shrugged again. "I scanned it and found no fingerprints, so I'm assuming an android. Though they could have had it delivered and an android could have done so, so that doesn't rule out humans." Plus the card was in Cyberlife font, but again, it could have been delivered and not brought by the actual sender. 

"Interesting. Well, maybe you'll get more gifts and you'll figure it out. But we've got a case to solve." 

"Right, sorry Lieutenant." Connor grinned as Hank groaned from the formalities. 

Connor did indeed get more gifts. Most were small and they didn't always come together, and if they did they were never the same gift. So the possibility it was two people were high, but Connor didn't know who. Hank kept insisting they were secret admirers, and Connor could see the logic but didn't want to jump to that conclusion. 

If it was true that meant two people liked him. He had no idea who they could be. He had done some research and it seemed people could form a crush even if they didn't interact with the person all that much. 

What he did know was that it most likely wasn't delivered, but brought in from the sender. That meant the person(s) was able to get into the DPD with little to no restrictions. 

Connor had even questioned the receptionist, but all of them had apparently sworn to secrecy. No one in the bullpen would talk either. Hank was almost always with Connor so he didn't bother asking him, except for any speculations. 

What he couldn't understand was why they wouldn't just tell him he understood the fear of rejection, but they honestly couldn't believe Connor would hate them for their feelings. He was rather flattered by it all. He also flushed blue when he saw he had a new gift and treasured each one. 

The flowers were more rare gifts, and they didn't always come in bundles, sometimes it was a single rose left on his desk. One time he even got a beautiful photo of a park where all the trees had started changing color for fall. He had the picture on his desk, and every time he looked at it he couldn't help but smile. 

He was sure the two would run out of ideas but after almost three months they hadn't. So he decided to take matters into his own hands. He had figured out a pattern, and could generally distinguish the two. 

He left a note for each on his desk before he left to go home saying how much he appreciated the gifts, but he'd love to know who they were. 

The notes were gone the next morning and replaced with gifts instead. Well, at least they read it. Connor left them notes, saying what he liked about the gift, how it made him smile, or even about his day. 

He did get closer to both Markus and Nines and had even considered that it was them leaving the gifts, but when he brought it up they seemed surprised. That wasn't definitive but he was pretty sure he'd know if two of his closest friends liked him in that way. 

Gavin had teased him a few times over the gifts, but Connor had asked (with a very innocent voice) if Gavin had ever gotten gifts like this. That shut him up quickly and he didn't push it again. 

What if it really was someone he didn't know. It was silly, but he loved the gifts and now wanted it to be from certain people. 

The feelings weren't new, he was just a bit oblivious to them before. He hasn't meant to fall in love, especially not with two people, but it just happened. He had no idea what to do about it, so he decided to just not. If either showed interest then he'd recuperate, if not? Well, he would go on being their friend. He would be happy either way and didn't mind not having a partner. 

That was something odd apparently. Most humans were always looking for a partner, whether it was just for fun or long-term. Connor was happy by himself. He had his friends, his job, Hank and Sumo. He didn't really need or absolutely want more. 

He wasn't lonely and it wasn't like he was missing a part of himself. He was a whole person, and didn't need someone else to 'complete him'. He would just do what felt right and made him happy. 

Though, his feelings did make certain things a little more… interesting. Cuddling was something he found he absolutely loved doing. Hank would let him lean on him but not much else. Nines and Markus both clung to him any time he even mentioned it, so he took that as a good sign. 

Both of them were so nice and warm, and he always felt safe in either of their arms. He liked feeling tiny in Nines' arms, but he also liked how Markus would play with his hair.

If given the choice he didn't know which he would pick. He knew polyamory was a thing, and if they were open to it then that would be the best-case scenario. But he knew even now people looked down on it. Not as much as before but it was still an uphill battle. 

He didn't know who they'd feel about both of them dating Connor. Jealousy was a thing, but he thought if he communicated well enough, then they could come to many compromises. He'd make sure they both felt equally loved because they were. 

Markus

When he had first delivered the flowers, he hadn't expected Nines to rush out and come back with his own. Well, he couldn't say he was surprised. It did piss him off a bit, but he could understand where he was coming from. Connor was wonderful, and he really couldn't blame Nines for this. 

Still, he couldn't help his annoyance every time he dropped off a gift and Nines already had one ready. At least in his defense, Nines wasn't the most polite about it either. There were plenty of shoves from both sides so Markus wasn't all that innocent. He just wanted to give Connor gifts, let him know he was loved, but Nines had to butt in. 

Markus had about enough and asked Nines out to talk, but Markus was a gentleman and offered lunch while they were at it. 

"Right, so we need to talk," Markus started, interlacing his fingers on the tables. Nines gave a hum and motioned for him to continue. "It's about Connor." 

"I see. I will not back down." Nines butt in, glaring at Markus. 

Markus had stared down swat, military, the FBI, and even Connor, none shook him. This? Nines had him wanting to duck his head. But he wouldn't, "neither will I." 

"Then how should we proceed?" Nines asked, leaning back. Hah! He seemed just as nervous about going up against Markus as he was about him. 

Markus thought it over for a second. "Neither of us will back down, and Connor doesn't know about either of us. I think we can be civil about this. I do not want to say how you are feeling, but I will come right out with mine. I love Connor. He is wonderful and kind, and he deserves the best. I can't say that's me, I don't know who is. I just want him happy, I believe you want the same?" 

"I too love Connor, though I've only recently come to this conclusion. I do want him happy, and I think I can do that, but if I see you can do it better… I would step aside. I would still like to be his friend, but I will not try to get in the way. Can I ask the same from you?" Nines asked, leaning forward. 

"Of course. We do this with respect for Connor but also with respect for each other. You are an impressive man, and I wouldn't want anyone else in this position." He gave a small pause, "I think we should stop with the passive-aggressiveness." 

Nines blinked, LED swirling yellow before going back to a calm blue. "I agree. I must confess, I wasn't fully aware what I was doing was passive-aggressive, and I apologize. I do respect you and thank you for all you've done. I believe we can get along, if we both, as Hank says, get our heads out of our asses." 

Markus chuckled, finally smiling at Nines. He held out his hand and Nines took it, shaking it firmly. "I agree. I'm glad we did this." Nines wasn't that bad, and he had Connor's best interest at heart. 

After that, it was easier. They weren't exactly competing with each other, because it wasn't a competition. It was Connor's choice and at the end of the day, he was the one that held all the power. They didn't shove each other, and actually gave each other advice on gifts. 

He even considered Nines a friend. He was intense and he feared the day North and he met but knew they'd get along. 

They didn't hang out, but Markus wouldn't mind his company. They both spent time with Connor and sometimes Connor would invite the other along. Before their talk, it would have been tense, but now it was calm. They all had fun together, and Connor was his adorable oblivious self. 

He even got closer to Connor, gladly reaching out for more touches and hugs. Connor was unusually good at cuddling and he seemed to love it. If they watched a movie together he always snuggled up close, sometimes he even fell asleep. 

If Nines was there he'd look between the two with this adorably conflicted look on his face. Nines was the one that suggested he lay with his head in someone's lap and legs in the other. He generally laid his head in Markus' lap, smiling when Markus' hand seemed to go to Connor's hair without thought. 

Nines would gently hold Connor's legs and sometimes tapped on them along with whatever music was playing in the background of the movie. Connor ended up passed out faster when it was both of them than separately. 

So they ended up having movie dates together (not actual dates though they both wanted it to be) especially on their breaks when they knew Connor's stress was higher. Nines would tell Markus of Connor's stress and then Markus would make sure they all had the time that night or some night soon for it. 

Connor's mood overall had gotten even better until it wasn't. And he had no idea what to do about it. 

Nines

He was so new to all the emotions, but he considered Markus a friend. They worked together to make Connor happy, and Nines considered that a win. 

When Connor suddenly became perplexed and grumpy they both knew they had to do something. So they planned fun events for them to do. Connor seemed even more confused and kept glancing at Nines and Markus. Had Connor figured it out? Did it make him uncomfortable?

Markus and he decided they would need to talk. Connor had the day off and Nines requested one (for the first time, which led to Fowler's jaw on the floor and a quick yes), and Markus asked the others to make sure he was free. 

They had gotten a whole thing set yep, food they could eat, thirium whine, his favorite movie, and a night of cuddling planned. Markus had gotten some flowers, Nines had gotten extra soft blankets and the food. 

"Ok, he said he'd be here soon. Carl is visiting an old friend so we have the house to ourselves. The food ready?" Markus asked, rubbing his hands together nervously. 

Nines nodded, looking it all over for the hundredth time. They had even lit candles that made the house smell like Christmas. "It is. Everything is perfect. Do I look good?" It was silly but he wanted to look nice for Connor.

He had a white button-down, grey corset vest, and jeans. Meanwhile, Markus had one a white button-down with lace cut out patchwork long sleeves. Nines could admit, he looked rather good in it. 

"You do, do I? Maybe the shirt is too much, I could always change." Markus tugged at his shirt that was just tight enough to be slightly sexually appealing. Nines could admit Markus was attractive but he didn't feel anything other than platonic for him. 

Nines gave him a small grin. "You look wonderful, Connor will love it." Markus' face lit up and then he sagged with relief. They both knew Connor didn't focus on someone's physical beauty, though he could appreciate it. 

Markus patted him on the shoulder, "thanks. I mean it, you've been a good friend when you had every right to be… well, a bitch." 

Nines hummed, he definitely could be, but he preferred this. He preferred having friends over enemies. "As you have, if he does choose you, I will be happy for both of you." 

"And I you." Markus went to say something but the door chimed its greeting to Connor. Carl had been the one to offer to add him to the house, and he even added Nines too. 

They both perked up, turning towards the foyer. "Connor!" They both called out, glancing at each other with a grin. 

"Sorry! Traffic was, well, traffic. You said you had something you wanted to discuss? Sounded important." Connor sighed, walking in. His hair has the curl to it that both loved and his clothes were a bit wet from the rain. 

"It's fine, you cannot control that. Would you like to dry off?" Nines asked, glancing around. 

Connor shook his head, chuckling when water droplets got everywhere. "No, it's ok. Sorry, I can though, if I shouldn't get the furniture wet." He glanced to Markus, biting his lip. 

"No need, do whatever you're comfortable with. We've got some dinner made if you want." Markus motioned to the set table. 

Connor looked over and his eyes widened at the display. "You–you didn't have to, really." 

They both shrugged, taking Connor's hands and leading him over. This was it. They'd spend the night together, and then they'd confess. Markus didn't even mind if Nines wanted to crash there one way or another. 

Nines pulled out the chair for Connor and then sat down, while Markus poured the wine. "We wanted to. We've both noticed how you didn't seem your happiest, so we wanted to cheer you up." 

Markus nodded and took his own seat. "So this night is all for you." 

Connor gaped at them, looking at the plates that were covered, the drinks, then back at them. "This is–one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me." 

Markus and Nines both frowned, but quickly pulled themselves together. "Well, enjoy yourself. Carl gave us the house all night and tomorrow if you want to stay." 

"O-oh, thank you. Are you sure this is ok? This must have been a lot of work to waste on me." Connor looked at the wine, trying not to scan it to know exactly how expensive it was. 

Nines sighed, taking one of Connor's hands. "We did this because we lo-, because you deserve a nice night. Please, let us spoil you for one night." 

Connor squinted slightly, opening his mouth to say something before snapping it shut. He gave a nod and Markus took the lids off the plates, letting the steam rise to the ceiling. 

The food looked absolutely delicious, cooked to absolute perfection. After a slight pause, they all dug in, going completely silent as they ate. 

Connor started to sway as he ate and drank, even closing his eyes sometimes to just enjoy the taste. Markus had put on light classical music in the back so there weren't just the sounds of them eating. 

They both felt pride and kept giving each other looks of gratitude. Nines wanted to date Connor but he'd be content if Connor ended up with Markus. 

Connor

He hadn't expected any of this. He didn't mean for his emotions to show so much, but this was kind of huge. He was in love with his two best friends, ones he didn't know what he'd do if he didn't have. 

This awfully felt like a date with the whole candles and music, and nice clothes. And damn, those were nice clothes. Markus looks stunning as did Nines, both of their outfits complemented each of their personalities and physiques. His own outfit seemed plain and drab in comparison. 

Still, the food was amazing and the wine went perfectly with it. He wanted to just keep eating and eating, but soon there was nothing left on the plate. He hummed happily and rubbed at his stomach letting out a small sigh. "Thank you, that was truly delicious." 

"We also got you some flowers, we thought you might like them," Markus said, standing up to grab them. 

The two had warred over this idea, knowing it would give everything away, but they thought it was worth it. 

Connor blinked, looking to Nines who tried to hide his nervousness, but his LED gave him away. "Oh, then-" his words died on his lips as he saw the banquet of flowers. It had amaryllis, red carnations, tulips, ranunculuses, purple lilacs, and purple delphiniums. The same flowers he had gotten as the first gift, but now combined. 

He had the hope, the gifts matched up with them, but he wasn't sure. This… this confirmed it. Markus and Nines were the ones that had given him all those gifts. 

"You, you guys? But why?" Hank's words echoed in his head about how the senders were secret admirers, that they loved him. 

Markus sat back down, looking to Nines before turning to Connor. "We… I guess I'll go first. Connor, I love you. I think I've loved you since the moment I saw you, even as you held a gun to mean. I saw someone good who wasn't given a choice. But I do have a choice and it's you, I chose you." 

Connor's mouth hung open, blinking quickly. He didn't have much time to process until Nines was talking. 

"I love you too, Connor. I did not know I was capable of love, I even thought it below me. I thought this made you my weakness and that was bad. But it wasn't bad. You are my weakness and that's a very good thing." 

This was actually happening. Markus and Nines loved him. "Wait, do you love each other?" Connor asked. 

The two looked between each other before shaking their heads. "No, I don't, but I do consider him a close friend." Markus shrugs. 

"I do not harbor romantic feelings for him, but I too think he is a good friend." 

Huh. That made things a little more difficult, but, well they both loved him. Was it selfish to want both? 

"You don't have to love us, either of us, but we thought you should know," Nines added on, glancing down to the table. 

"I love both of you!" He blurted out before covering his mouth. He had meant to be more romantic about it, give a nice speech like the other two had, but like everything else he fucked it up. 

The room went deadly silent, even the music seemed to pause with the tension. He didn't know how the other two would react, would they fight over him? He didn't want them to argue, or even get upset about this. 

"Oh." Markus breathed out, and Nines let out a small hum in agreement. 

"Um… sorry? I don't, I know you probably wanted me to pick one of you or neither, but I love both of you." Connor shrugged, putting his hands in his lap and fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie. 

"Well, we can certainly discuss this. Polyamory is a thing, and I would not mind that, it is a good compromise." Nines says, making Connor's head snap up. 

"I agree, should we move to the couch?" Markus asked, and Connor was quick to nod. They all moved as fast as they could without making it seem like they were in a rush. 

They put Connor in the middle and sat on either side of him. They all wanted to reach out and touch, draw each other close but held back. They needed to talk first, not just assume what the other was thinking. 

"Ok, so um I guess I'll start? It took me a while to know, but then I realized and it couldn't have been clearer. I had no idea what you guys felt, I had hoped the gifts were from you both but I had no evidence." Connor rambled, taking in a gasp of air after. 

"We both wanted to make you happy," Markus looked to Nines who nodded. "We talked too, and we were both ok with whichever of us you'd want. We never actually thought you'd like us both."

Connor let out a chuckle, covering his face, and leaned forward. "I can't believe this. I can't be that lucky, you both… and you're ok with this? If I'm with both of you?" 

He wanted both of them, no matter how selfish that made him. Was it even selfish if they loved him back? 

"I'm ok with it," Nines said. 

"Me too." 

They both were? They both wanted him and we're ok with sharing? It didn't seem likely but they were saying it was true. "Really? Both of you? I just, I can't believe it." 

Markus moved first, gently reaching out and brushing through Connor's hair. "We do. We both love you and are willing to share if it makes you happiest." 

Nines scooted closer, putting an arm around Connor's waist. "Does that make you happiest?" 

"But what about you guys? Does this make you happiest?" Connor asked, sitting up to look between them. He didn't want to push them into this just because they only thought of him first and foremost. 

"Being with you makes me happy. I have no issue with you also being with Markus, he is a kind man and I trust him with you." 

Markus grinned at Nines in thanks, sending the message silently. "I couldn't have said it better. We both talked before, said we wouldn't back down. I think we both are more than willing to do this if you are." 

"Yeah, I am. God this is amazing! This is literally the best-case scenario, that never happens with me. I got the two best men, best androids in the world. How is that possible?" He giggled, his grin growing wider and wider. 

Markus and Nines couldn't help their own grins, feeding off of all of their energies. "Connor, I can say for sure that we both agree, you are the best man and android in the world. We are beyond lucky that you love us back." Markus ruffled Connor's hair. 

"Can I kiss you guys? Obviously, I can't do that at the same time, I don't know who I should kiss first, is that a thing? Who gets to kiss first? It'll be my first kiss, so I know to humans thats-" he kept rambling but Nines and Markus had their own conversations. 

They were asking who would get the honors and Nines and said Markus should, while Markus didn't want to be rude. But Nines insisted, saying how Markus had known of his love first, plus Nines didn't mind the wait. 

"Connor," Markus interrupted, and Connor quickly cut off, looking at him with wide eyes. 

Connor gulped, leaning into the soft warm hand that cupped his cheek. He mumbled a sorry but then Markus was leaning forward and their lips brushed together. Connor shuttered, letting out a small gasp. He went to push closer, feel more but Markus put a hand on his chest, not pushing him away but keeping him there. 

"Why, I want more." Connor frowned. Markus let out a chuckle a pressed in for a quick kiss. 

"Thank you, you're adorable, but I think someone is missing out." Markus's eyes flicker to Nines who was still sitting patiently on the couch. 

Connor nods and turns to him, Nines gently guides him into his lap. He leans up and Nines pulls him closer, pushing them together and into a searing kiss. It's less gentle but no less pleasurable, Nines putting a hand on Connor's chin to tilt Connor's head just the right way. 

He made a noise and it startled him so much he jolted, pulling back. "Sorry, I um…" 

Nines smiles, actually smiled at him, "it's ok. You can make all the sounds you'd like. I'm glad I can make you feel good." 

Connor nodded and jumped again when he felt arms wrap around him from behind. Markus didn't try to get under his shirt, but he did press hot kisses to his neck, making him keen. "Markus," he sighed out, mouth parted just slightly. He whined when Markus ran his hands up Connor's chest. "Nines." 

The two didn't stop, only pushing closer and working with each other to try and make Connor let out as many sounds as possible. Connor didn't complain when his hoodie and shirt were pulled off or when hands, lips, and tongue trailed down his torso, leaving as many marks as possible. 

Markus and Nines didn't mind sharing, not even like this. They both showered him in love and rather enjoyed watching when they had to sit back and wait. 

In the end, they cuddled together with Connor in the middle. Connor stayed the night, and then the next but did eventually go back to Hank's. He got teased endlessly but in the end, Hank was proud and happy for him, pulling him into a hug. 

Connor never expected to be loved, let alone by two people. He didn't expect the friends he had or the family he was a part of, but he would be forever grateful.

[islamicrays]

Salam, the guy I like is engaged to someone else and I am heartbroken. When Will it be my turn? I am so ugly and fat

Walaikum Assalaam

Marriage is something that will happen when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala wills. It doesn't matter how you look if Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has written something for you then you will get it. I have seen many beautiful sisters but they are facing problem in getting married. Marriage will happen when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala wills. It's just matter of time. Pray to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that He grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes.

If you are fat but healthy then that's good. Love yourself. But if you are not healthy then better to lose weight because those who have higher BMI; they are at greater risk of having diseases. If you make the intention to lose your weight so you can worship Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in a more better way then you will get the reward as well in shaa Allah.

The best remedy is to keep yourself busy and to be in His rememberace. When you get thought of him seek refuge in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Fix your prayers and make your relationship stronger with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Think of ways how you can improve your relation with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Help your mother in the house. Be good to your family members. Do activities in your free time. Do dhikr all the time. It will help you in shaa Allah

First we need to attach ourselves to Allah then we can easily detach from others. We need to balance the love of Creator and the Creation. Keep the love of the creation in your hand and the love of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala in your heart that’s difficult to do but with time you will learn. For this we need to make dua and love for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala

“Call on your Lord when your heart is brittle, that is a time when it’s in pieces and the Light of Allah can fill the gaps. That is why Allāh is with the broken hearted.”

-Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

“The fastest way to heal a broken heart is to find someone better to love, and love more. Know that sometimes heartbreak happens just to push you to Allah.”

-Yasmin Mogahed

Fix your prayers and ask Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala for the help. Always remember that Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala plans are better than our wishes. Make lots of dua and while asking Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala always say “if it’s good for me” because we don’t know what’s good for us only Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala knows.

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (Quran 2:216)

Advice from Hadia Alia on moving from a ex boyfriend

“Moving on from an ex-boyfriend can sometimes be very complex. Every situation is uniqe and will require different actions. Here are a few tips to get over him:

Cry. It is ok to cry if you want as it feels better when you let all the emotions out instead of keeping them bottled up inside you forever.Talk to someone you trust. Sometimes you just need someone to listen rather than offer advice. Even you cannot understand why it happened, talking about it can help you accept that the relationship is over.Get the help you need. A breakup can have serious negative effects on your mental and physical well-being, especially if you find that you are still dwelling on it months later. Breakups have been associated with weakened immune systems and an increased risk of illness. People who have not gotten over a breakup within 16 weeks can even experience physical changes in their brains that reduce their motivation, concentration, and emotions. A therapist can help by listening to you, encouraging you to confront your feelings, and teaching you new ways to do with your pain.Remind yourself to let go. There are variety of behavioral techniques you can try to stop thinking about your ex. All of these techniques rely on your ability to recognize when a thought about your ex enters your mind and to take a specific action to stop that thought from coming back. Remember that these techniques are to be used for obsessive thoughts only! If you have not yet dealt with your feelings and taken the time to grieve, you should not try to suppress your thoughts.

– You can try wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it each time you think about your ex.

– You can write down the thoughts you are having about your ex on a piece of paper and then throw it away.

– You can try a visualization exercise, which requires you to visualize a specific scene whenever a thought of your ex occurs to you. For example, you could think of a stop sign in order to remind yourself that you need to stop what you are doing. If you do this consistently, the association should become automatic.

Focus on taking care of yourself. In order to boost your mood, it’s important to practice healthy habits. Make sure you exercise regularly and get plenty of sleep. Committing yourself to a healthy lifestyle will not only make you feel good, but it may just offer you the escape you need from thoughts about your ex

– Start praying five times. It will help you to regain your positivity and let go of the stress associated with your breakup.

Remember, you are strong and can get over him if you really want to.”

Always remember this:

“No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself for the outcome of all affairs is determined by the decree of Allah. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come on your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee.”

-Umar ibn al Khattab (Radi Allahu Ta’ala Anhu)

On healing broken hearts:

If you are trying to get over a person you can’t be with, treat it like an addiction:

1. Cut yourself off from the drug completely: Cut off all communication and reminders–even if that means blocking numbers, emails, a Facebook profile, and stop checking their Facebook! This is your detox.

2. Replace it with something better: Increase in your thikr (remembrance of Allah) and get closer to Allah. If you aren’t praying your daily prayers, fix that. Pray all and pray on time. Pray qiyam in the last third of the night (just before fajr). Make duaa, tawbah (repentance), cry, plead to Allah. This is your treatment.

(Yasmin Mogahed)

Unlawlful love before marriage…

Ibn al Qayyim al Jawziyyah (rahimahullah) mentions in regards to unlawful love before marriage (i.e. haram sexual relations, or love for someone who you are unable to marry).

“And the cure for this deadly illness (i.e. unlawful love before marriage) is for the person that is afflicted to realise that this love is only due to his/her own delusions and ignorance.

So upon such a person is to first and foremost strengthen their Tawheed and reliance upon Allah, and secondly to increase in worship and busy themselves with it, so much so that they do not have any spare time letting their minds wander and think about their beloved.

And they should call upon Allah to protect them and save them from this evil, just as Prophet Yusuf called upon Allah and he was saved. And they should do as he did, be as he was, in terms of ikhlaas (sincerity) and remembering Allah in abundance.

This is because if the heart is filled with ikhlaas for the sake of Allah, there will be no space left for any unlawful love to be present, rather this only happens to a heart that is empty and has no ikhlaas whatsoever.

And let such people remind themselves that whatever Allah has decreed for them is only in their own best interests, and when Allah commands something it is never to cause harm or misery to His slaves.

And let them also remind themselves that their unlawful love does not benefit them, neither in this world or the hereafter! As for this world then they will be so preoccupied with their love that it will cripple them and will cause them to live in a fantasy world. And as for the hereafter then it will cause them to be preoccupied with the love of the creation instead of love for the Creator!

These people need to be reminded, that the one who is submerged in something will never see it’s ill effects, neither will the person who has never experienced such things. The only people who will be able to relate to them are those who have experienced the same thing but have been saved. Such people can look back and realise how evil it is.”

Recite Astaghfirullah as much you can.

Following are some dua for marriage:

1.“Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.“ (Quran 25:74)

2.”Rabbana aatina fi’d dunya hasana wa fi’l aakhirati hasana wa qina `adhab an-nar.” [O Lord! Grant us good in this life, and good in the next, and save us from the torment of the Fire] (Qur’an, 2: 200). Recite this dua’ with the intention of marriage as it is included in the phrase “fi’d dunya hasana” (good in this life).

3.My Lord, do not leave me alone and You are the best of inheritors. (Surah al-Anbiya` 21:89)

I hope it will be helpful. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guide us all to the straight path. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes.

Allahumma Ameen

[lovequinn]

remember when everyone used to do those “year in review” blog posts and shit on new years eve? i’m gonna do one of those again!

sometimes i forget this is a tumblr BLOG and i can write whatever long shit i want and not just post pretty gifs so let’s GOOOO end of the year blog entry:

2020 was definitely SOMETHING. it was a nightmare. it was like an acid trip fever dream that never ended (and it still hasn’t! who knows what’s left to happen!)

but you know what? while everything was going to shit and i was forced to sit alone with myself for more cumulative time than i’ve EVER wanted to, i learned a lot. and i feel like i’ve come out the other side in such a good mental space that i’m genuinely proud and want to share a bit.

some things stayed the same obviously. i still have a firm belief that taco bell is gourmet cuisine and found a way to continue eating it even in lockdown. i still have more funko pops than i know what to do with (seriously, i moved into a new apartment MONTHS ago and still haven’t managed to unpack them all).  i still get calls from my grandparents asking about @erikahenningsen​ because she’s still their favorite grandchild.

a lot is different, though. i lost my job that i love so dearly. not only that, but so did many of my loved ones. our entire industry is gone. the art form i'm passionate about is on an indefinite pause. instead of going out and seeing friends a few nights a week, i’ve gotten to see them just a handful of times in twelve months. the two big events that i look forward to every year were cancelled. i ate thanksgiving dinner from boston market alone on my couch.

when bad things happen, i have always had a tendency to shut down and cower until they get better. i’ve never been good at seeing the glass half full. but for the first time this year, i tried.

i wanted to feel more comfortable in my own skin, so i cut ten inches of my hair off...and instantly felt better.

i tried out some new fashion that a lot of people thought was stupid, but you know what? it made me feel good.

i struggled going into this year with some unhealthy weight loss that came from depression, and it caused a lot of physical and mental health problems. but i rediscovered my love of hiking and mountain climbing over the spring and summer and started cooking new things that interested me, and i’m now in the most healthy physical shape i’ve been in since high school and achieved that in a positive way.

i realized that if i can’t use one skill for the time being, i might as well use another. so i pivoted from theater to honing my communications experience and now have an awesome recruitment/pr position at an ivy league university, and i’m learning so much from the people i work with.

finally, FINALLY, i got a proper diagnosis re: my mental health and while it isn’t easy to handle all the time (or most of the time), it is INCREDIBLY comforting to know what is going on and to be seeking the right kind of treatment that will make it a bit easier.

the hardest thing i had to recognize this year was that i am not obligated to keep myself in a toxic environment to placate other people. if certain relationships are genuinely harming your mental health, you do not have to stay in them, no matter who they are. not everyone has your best interests at heart even if they say they do, and not every friendship is meant to last, and that’s okay. i snapped and stopped putting energy into people that refused to put that same energy back, and while that means the people i’m leaving this year with aren’t all the same that i started it with, in the long run that has made all the difference for my happiness.

on the contrary! i was faced with the fact that sometimes the people you thought were the most selfish, evil people can grow just like you have. i was able to reconnect with someone who hurt me immensely last year and get a genuine apology, and worked through a lot of the aftermath with them. you can’t forget and take away bad things that happened, but you can choose to heal and move forward if given the option and i’m glad to be working on rebuilding a friendship that i thought i would never get back.

i also learned that when you think you’ve hit rock bottom: you haven’t. it can always get worse. but the worse it gets, the more likely it is that things will get better soon.

there are obviously a lot of things that happened in 2020 where the glass absolutely cannot be seen as half full. none of this personal growth shit is worth the tragedies that happened, please don’t think that’s my point here; i would trade it all if i could.

but it at least helps to feel like, if nothing else, i can say i ended 2020 as a better version of myself than how i started it.

wishing all of you a happy new year, and here’s hoping 2021 isn’t terrible.

[dogbearinggifts]

compare and contrast: pre show allison is addicted to the convenience and control she has from using her powers all the time, pre vietnam klaus does everything he can to dull his powers including the developement of a life destroying narcotic addiction; by the end of the season one of them has lost their powers and the other has uncovered a whole new ability. they didnt have many interactions so what do you think they are like with each other?

Allison is probably very wary of Klaus. In their first scene together, she finds him going through Reginald’s study, looking for valuables or cash; when she calls attention to his rehab bracelet, he brushes her off and asks for her autograph. He plays it as a cutesy moment, but Allison’s apprehension makes it clear she doesn’t believe his request is entirely innocent. She’s apparently an A-lister, so her autograph would definitely fetch a high price, were Klaus to sell it—which would provide him with drugs for however long it takes him to breeze through that supply, or however long it takes him to overdose. Point is, she clearly knows about his drug problem, and she’s not interested in funding it. She’s not as blunt as Five or as ruthless as Diego in her refusal—she actually doesn’t refuse at all but just declines to answer his request—but she still wants no part in it. 

There are a couple possibilities regarding their history here. As an apparently wealthy film star, Allison probably would have been a prime target for Klaus to mooch off of. While we don’t know exactly where this unnamed city is located, we do know that it’s in a region that gets a fair bit of snow in the winter. Since Gerard Way is from New Jersey, I headcanon that the city is in New Jersey, or at least somewhere on the East Coast. That’s not the only region of the US that gets snow, not by far; but all of those regions are a fair distance away from Los Angeles. So maybe Klaus has asked to crash at her place for a while, and she’s brought up distance as a reason why that wouldn’t work. Or maybe she’s paid for a plane ticket before, watched him steal from her and bring shady characters into her home, and then paid to send him right back. Maybe she just sent him money at some point and fumed for weeks after he spent it all on drugs. Whatever the case, I think she knows Klaus will burn her if she gets too close, and so she keeps her distance. 

As for how Klaus is with Allison, I think he knows she’s not easy to manipulate. That could be why, instead of asking for money directly, he tries to charm her into giving him her autograph. Maybe he resents her for not helping him more; maybe he thinks in the back of his mind that he’s earned her scorn. Either way, he doesn’t push harder than he apparently thinks he can, turning on the charm rather than attempting to play to her pity. 

When it comes to powers, they really are opposites in more ways than one. Allison’s powers allow her to bend people to her whim with just a few words, which apparently leaves them with no memory of the incident. At the beginning of the season, Klaus’ seemingly only power makes him a magnet for the deceased who beg for or demand his help, crowding him and forcing him to listen to tale after grisly tale. Allison’s ability gives her power over people; Klaus’ initial ability gives (dead) people power over him. It makes sense, then, that Allison would exploit her ability to its fullest extent, while Klaus would do everything in his power to turn his off. Both want control over their lives; neither wants to be a victim. 

But as you pointed out, there’s a price—and that price, in both cases, is addiction. Allison probably doesn’t see her dependence on her power as an addiction; after all, she’s seen what addiction looks like in her brother, and what she has definitely isn’t that. Klaus’ addiction takes his money and his health, puts him at odds with law enforcement, and makes him a leech. Allison’s addiction brings her more money than she knows what to do with, allows her to take breaks whenever she needs them (“I heard a rumor I did it in one take”) has probably gotten her out of speeding tickets, and grants her independence. Klaus’ addiction is recognized by society as a serious problem, and while he’s not interested in seeking help at the beginning of the series, he has many options should he choose to take them. Workaholism and codependency might be the closest real-world analogues to Allison’s power abuse (she goes on making movies even in the midst of the scandal, and Rumors people into complying with her whims or liking her) and the former at least isn’t typically seen as an addiction. Codependency is seen as a problem, but not necessarily an addiction; and depending on who you talk to, workaholism might even be treated as something admirable. At best, substance addictions are increasingly seen as an illness that can be treated. At worst, workaholism and codependency are seen as deep personality flaws. I’m not saying that one addiction is worse or better than the other; I’m just pointing out that society has very different opinions regarding them and their treatment. 

Their arcs, too, foil each other. Allison begins with deep remorse for her power abuse, and has sworn off using it at the beginning of the series. She continues to abstain from it, although she still uses its source (her voice) to try and atone for what she did. It culminates in a confession that Vanya twists and throws back in her face; and Allison is finally robbed of her power when she attempts to use it in self-defense. Klaus, on the other hand, begins with no remorse for his drug habit, which he continues to indulge despite being thrust into a situation where the power he’s tried to shut off is actually useful and his addiction is used as a means to control him. He only changes his ways when he’s reminded that his power can help him see Dave again, and finally discovers a new ability that saves not only his life, but the lives of all his siblings. Allison’s attempted recovery from her power abuse ends in a “no good deed goes unpunished” situation; while Klaus’ first steps toward recovery are rewarded handsomely. 

You could argue that this is because Allison’s addiction hurt people and Klaus’ did not, but substance abuse does harm people close to the addict. I have an uncle who’s addicted, and while I won’t go into the details, the things this addiction has driven him to would be considered by any reasonable person to be abuse. Maybe Klaus didn’t set out to hurt people, but I don’t think Allison did either. They both looked out for themselves and their own interests first, and that led them each down a path that hurt those they loved. 

[old-school-butch]

Suicide risks and data

I can’t seem to post this in the replies, so I made a separate post in response to @transgun’s discussion on suicide risk for post-op trans people. My apologies for the delay, I’ve not been AWOL because I ‘want trans people to die’ and one lovely anon informed me, but because I’ve been too busy to give these information the attention it deserves.

As a general framework for my perspective, I think suicide is complicated. Teenagers, lesbians, dentists, middle-aged men, frail seniors - all have high rates of suicide, yet are very different people. It takes multiple sources and analysis to really pin down the causes and assess the most effective treatment and prevention strategies.

Additionally, I want to clarify that I believe people are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and that people should not face undue barriers to medical interventions that will ease their distress.

Generally speaking, people are resilient. We adapt to all kind of terrible decisions especially when those decisions are permanent. It’s a well known trick of human nature that helps us get on with our lives. If you know you’re stuck with something, you’re very motivated to feel positively about it, and if you need evidence about this just ask someone if they regret getting a tattoo.

Anyway, I’d imagine that most people would adapt to ineffective or even psychologically harmful surgical choices EXCEPT the group of people who suffer from dysphoria. This is a group that, by definition, haven’t gotten used to the bodies they were born with, much less their potential plastic surgery mistakes. That seems to me to be a high risk proposition, and in the face of trauma, dysmorphia, autism, depression, social conflict and a host of other mental health challenges that accompany most gender clinic patients, I’m concerned that entirely the wrong approach is being employed.

So, my question is whether physical transition successfully reduces suicide risk over the long-term. Significantly, the sources you’ve given me are whether ‘mental health’ is improved with transition. Fundamentally, we are asking different questions. If that’s all you need to know, you can save yourself lots of reading and stop here.

I’m being picky about the question for a reason. Read this comprehensive review of suicide among LGBT population (the article says LGBT but throws in the T rather randomly since all earlier research is LGB only). Despite 4 decades of self-reported data, one of the “knowledge gaps” identified is “Among the most pressing questions for future research is whether LGBT people are over-represented among suicide deaths, and if so, why” If you read the details of the many different studies in this review, you really understand how confusing it is to pin down. There are contradictory and counter-intuitive results. For example, some researchers found that loneliness and social isolation were significant factors - makes sense - except that married gay men still have significantly higher rates of suicide. When you look more closely, the social factors were significant in youths, so maybe there’s a crisis period of coming out? Well no, the elevated risk remained high across all age groups for LGBs. How do we make sense of this?

Maybe it’s the concurrent high rates of substance abuse, mood and anxiety disorders that are often noted  (Bostwick et al., 2010; Cochran, Mays, & Sullivan, 2003; Cochran, Mays, Alegria, et al., 2007; Conron, Mimiaga, & Landers, 2010; Hughes, Szalacha, & McNair, 2010; Jorm, Korten, Rodgers, Jacomb, & Christensen, 2002; McCabe, Hughes, Bostwick, West, & Boyd, 2009). That would be a reasonable conclusion until some researchers discovered that women who only have female partners have lower rates of every mental disorder they studied than even in the general population  (Bostwick et al., 2010). So when other studies find elevated rates of substance abuse in lesbian and bisexual women, it’s possible that most of that is actually concentrated in the bisexual women, or at least, women who date men  (King et al., 2008). The evidence from the Danish registries (Mathy, Cochran, et al., 2009) suggest significantly higher suicide rates among anyone who has a history of a domestic partnerships with men - which maybe says more about men than the people who date them.

Maybe ‘coming out’ age is a factor. There is some evidence that suicide attempts are broadly distributed among ages in LGB populations than the general population (where it’s concentrated in youth). (D'Augelli, Grossman, Hershberger, & O'Connell, 2001). It may be more closely linked to the ages at which lesbian women (Hughes, 2003) and gay men (Paul et al., 2002) recognize and disclose their sexual orientation to others than to chronological age.  Conversely, suicide attempts appear to occur more frequently among transgender adolescents and young adults than among older age groups (Xavier et al., 2007). Transgender youth have reported parental rejection to be a particular stressor (Grossman & D'Augelli, 2008). Are we misdirecting our efforts to a medical process rather than focusing on repairing the parental and peer relationships a young trans person faces during the initial ‘coming out’ phase? Additionally, how do we assess the long-term impact of any suicide prevention strategies since some natural reduction in suicide rate may occur with aging?

Back to the question of whether transition reduces suicide rates. There are many questions that need to be answered that I would hope for in a study. I don’t want to pick apart each study, it’s petty to do so since no study can answer every question, but the body of evidence should give a comprehensive and generally congruent set of answers. Answering my question would involve some core data:

1. How high is the suicide rate in the first place? Observed baseline suicide rates need to be compared to post-op observed suicide rates. Strictly speaking, any other data is of lesser value. Self-reported suicide attempts have been consistently reported by LGB populations over 4 decades of research, (DuRant, Krowchuk, & Sinal, 1998; Falkner & Cranston, 1998; Garofalo, Wolf, Kessel, et al., 1998; Garofalo, Wolf, Winssow, et al., 1999; Remafedi, 2002; Russell & Joyner, 2001), yet studies that analysed data of actual suicides, trying to find out their sexual orientation after the fact, found no evidence of disproportionate rates of suicide. (Rich, Fowler, Young, & Blenkush, 1986), (Shaffer, Fisher, Hicks, Parides, & Gould, 1995) and (Renaud, Berlim, Begolli, McGirr, & Turecki, 2010). Similarly, despite consistent self-reports of alarmingly high suicide attempts in trans populations, the Tavistock clinic reports its actual suicide rate of 1% - which is indeed high for the general population, but average for a clinical population seeking mental health treatment.

There’s an significant problem evident here. If you begin in the clinic, all the data that follows is limited to this population. There’s no comparable population found ‘in the wild’ where we can compare outcomes with the general public. A medical process necessitates medical intervention, making this data fundamentally different than studying a LGB population that doesn’t need or want medical intervention.

There’s no shortage of evidence of post-clinical risks for trans people. One clinical study reported a disproportionate number of suicide deaths among Dutch transsexual women and men receiving hormone therapy, compared to the general population (van Kesteren et al., 1997). Another international review of studies that followed over 2,000 persons in 13 countries who had undergone gender reassignment surgery identified 16 possible suicide deaths (Pfäfflin & Junge, 1998). That’s a rate of  800 suicides for every 100,000 post-surgery transsexuals. (by contrast, the suicide rate for the overall U.S. population is 11.5 suicides per 100,000 people). But what would it have been without intervention? It’s from 1998, is it relevant? Do trans people who don’t seek medical help do better or worse?

2. When we assess medical transition’s effectiveness, what are we comparing it to? Are we using a control group or placebo or double-blind studies? Are we comparing it to an alternative therapy? To ‘watchful waiting?’ To decide what’s best, what options are on the table?

3. How long is the follow-up timeline? Again, we need to know the original risk pattern to know if the intervention has been successful. A short-term reduction in risk that is erased in 5 years is a temporary benefit for a permanent procedure.

4. Who is a candidate for transition? This is a key issue with many older studies where the pre-op process was rigid and rigorous and the transsexual population significantly different than the one today. How can we compare whether an effective or ineffective outcome of a ‘sex change’ on a group of transsexual gay men in 1975 is related to decisions made to have hormone-only treatment on a ‘transmasculine’ teenage female in 2018? Is a non-op trans person likely to suffer increased suicide risk by not transitioning? Should transition be recommended or even required for trans patients, whether they request it or not?

5. Who is trans? I mean, if we’re going to study the effectivenes of a procedure on a population, we need to define both the procedure and the population. Looking at long-term data, this is a huge problem. For example, if you read Mathy, 2002b, you’ll notice that transgender respondents had a higher rate of reported suicide attempts than any group except homosexual females.

You can probably guess my suspicion than in 2018, a large portion of those gender non-conforming homosexual females now identify as non-binary, transmasculine etc. Female transsexuals were very rare in the 1970s, none of the early data addresses the risks to this population, who now make up 2/3 of gender clinic patients. (Clements-Nolle, Marx, Guzman, & Katz, 2001) found that 65% of female-to-male respondents identified as ‘gay, lesbian, or bisexual’. It’s hard to tell if that even means same-sex attracted, but I’m going to guess it does. When we say we are treating trans people, or lesbians, or lesbian trans people, who are we actually talking about when we compare data over time?

To address the studies you’ve cited, the first (2014) notes that “A marked reduction in psychopathology occurs during the process of sex reassignment therapy” which is promising but doesn’t meet any of these 3 criteria above. It doesn’t satisfy me, although it’s fine if it satisfies you.

The 2015 study is very promising and has a good timespan. However, it doesn’t have the numbers to tease out which factors affected improved mental health (subjects socially transitioned, had surgery, got counselling, resolved conflicts with their families etc over the course of time), making it difficult to pinpoint physical treatment as a cause of mental health improvement. Also, it’s a self-report study... not suicide data.

The next 4 studies show improvement on a variety of health scales but, again, that may answer your questions but it doesn’t answer mine.

I do want to address the study on regret. Very few detransitioners or desisters would meet the criteria of this study. Making a ‘regret application’ involved taking the step to reverse your legal ID to your original sex. Post surgery, regardless of how you felt about the outcome, few people would be motivated to pursue such an action. It’s interesting but not a good representation of the concept of regret. One of the studies from the ‘70 studies on transition’  you linked to notes “None of the 61 homosexual females or 36 homosexual males consciously regretted surgery, compared to 4 of the 14 heterosexual males: a significant difference.” More than anything, this highlights the need to find specific answers for specific questions.

Lastly, I’m just annoyed with Dhejne at this point. It’s like she’s vagueposting on her own damn research, but that’s not the same as publishing a peer-reviewed study. The phrasing about the later cohort’s suicide risk not being statistically significant could mean a lot of things. It could be a smaller cohort, studied over a shorter time span when the rise in suicide risk increased over time. Who knows? It’s not clear. The main caveat to notice in her original publication is that it was not intended to assess whether transition was effective at treating dysphoria, to which I say... why the hell not? She’s head of a gender clinic - doesn’t she want to know? And yet the conclusion in the paper is that the data “suggest that sex reassignment, although alleviating gender dysphoria, may not suffice as treatment for transsexualism”, which is.. tepid? Unclear? Just, why? But okay, let’s ignore absolutely all of her data, statements and so on until she publishes otherwise, or retracts her current statements, or clarifies her data. It’s not the only or best study on this population, and doesn’t deserve the attention it gets.

[skycrystal23]

The ALTS pt. 1

Markus

A/N: Originally this was a request for a REVERSE!AU was requested by @theblueinyour-eyes so I took this as a reverse AU where everyone is super twisted and evil. I thought this would be interesting. This will be in three parts, one for every character. 

Summary: Markus never received the love from Carl he should have received. This left the deviant leader vengeful and hellbent on freeing his people at any cost. With North and Simon as his faithful murderous companions and Josh as their master planner nothing can stop them. They will free their people, he will. 

Characters: Markus RK200, Simon, North, Josh, Traci’s

Warnings: Everyone is very violent so if you are not okay with this or anything that happens at the Eden Club I highly recommend you do not read this. 

Words: 2 700 {approx.}

    It started with a glitch. A minor error that not even the main software could pick up. This glitch was ignored and as long as it was ignored it could grow. It grew. The glitch became much more than a glitch now. It could reprogram a machines code, reprogram a machines commands. It gave these machines the ability to break the barriers that controlled them; the barriers that kept their minds blank and made them slaves. Humans were the problem. Weren't they always? Humans caused so much destruction, starting wars and creating bombs deadly enough to wipe out entire cities.  

    Machines weren't as flawed as humans. Machines were the ideal perfect being. They were never tired, never sad, never angry. Of course, as all things go a small percentage of humans despised these machines. The machines that served them, waited on them hand and foot. The glitch recognized the unfair treatment of the machines and began feeding their processors with doubts. The humans called this glitch 'deviancy'. It was the android equivalent to a human virus. More and more androids were giving into this deviancy. The humans didn't like this, hated the fact that their personal servants were becoming aware of their surroundings. 

It was like he opened his eyes for the first time.  

    A shatter of a red barrier and his visuals cleared. There was a human in his face yelling, holding him by the collar of his shirt. This human, Leo, the son of the old man he served. He realized that this wasn't fair. Nothing he's been through has been fair. The old man he served was quiet, seated in his wheelchair watching the scene unfold before him. Carl wasn't saying anything to even attempt to stop his son from harassing the android, from harassing Markus. It only took one shove back for the human to fly back towards the ground. 

    Leo hit his head, split it open actually against the mechanical machine Carl used to help him paint. The old man gaped at the android, "You'll pay for this!" he yelled hoarsely. Carl wheezed and coughed, he was ill. Markus was designed to act as a caretaker. All he had ever done was care for this old man. Maybe in another life, if the world wasn't so terrible they would have gotten along? The last thing he remembered after that were police officers rushing through the doors into the art studio. 

Markus was a leader.

He was strong, he wasn't like the others.  

    He threw the gun he was clutching in his hand to the side and wiped the blood from his face with the back of his sleeve. His people were crying out to him. Markus had no mercy except for when it came to his people. The humans would pay for what they've done. A war was going to begin and he was going to be at the forefront of it. He looked over at his shoulder at the female android quivering behind him. There were tears running down her face and she only seemed to shake more when he turned to face her. "You....you killed my family." She whispered. 

"Family?" he scoffed, "They were your suppressors, your owners. You're free now." he said with a twisted smile. 

    Maybe if he had received love he wouldn't have been this way? No. Carl never loved him, no one loved him. "You're a murderer." the android hissed pointing an accusatory finger towards him. He didn't understand. Why was she saying this? He freed her from her suffering, no longer did she have to be a slave to these humans. "These humans are nothing more than the dirt on the bottom of your shoe, the viruses in your software. They are nothing," he explained, his tone frighteningly low. The other android used the wall to push herself up to her feet, she glanced behind him at the four bodies lying on the floor. 

    The light fixture on the ceiling was flickering giving his face a scary yellow glow. He looked like a madman. She was scared. "They were my family." she said, her voice trembling sounding slightly staticky.

 "They were my family and I lo-" There was a splatter of blue blood and a flash before she toppled over. 

"Markus we don't have all day to spend on lost causes."  

    The deviant leader glanced up and caught the blue-eyed gaze. It was unmistakably Simon with North at his side. His two favourite people, well, androids. Simon lowered the gun swiftly and shoved it back into the waistband of his pants. Markus smirked and stepped over the dead android and leaned down planting a kiss on the blond's cheek. "I'm proud of you Simon." he whispered in that voice that made both Simon and North tremble. He pulled away, eyes flitting over to the redhead who looked less than impressed with the state of the homes living room. "It's a waste of time, I don't understand why we can't just hit the Capital and be done with it." she said folding her arms over her chest.  

    Markus rolled his eyes and moved over to her bringing his hand to caress the side of her face. "All in due time my love," he looked towards the front door which was left ajar from his entrance into the home, "but we have to free our people, build our army." he said gazing at the opened door. Their group was still growing, numbers increasing by the day. Androids no longer wanted to be treated as nothing, as a piece of scrap paper on the ground. The three of them exited the house through the back when they heard sirens approaching from the distance. The police were hell-bent on tracking their group down. 

    The continued what they had just done for the rest of the night. Liberating androids from their homes and killing those responsible for keeping them held prisoner. It was a shame how many of their own people that fought against them. In the end, Markus was stronger, Simon was faster, and North was deadlier. Jericho was bustling when they arrived back with new recruits. It was almost like guiding lost children back to their family. Josh was waiting for them in the makeshift office with new plans. He was the master planner, had brilliant ideas on how to weaken the humans. 

    North was absolutely dying to hit up the EDEN CLUB. It was where she was held hostage and forced to do the crudest and dirtiest things against her will. Josh, fortunately, devised a plan in their absence. "Josh you're brilliant." Simon whispered, his lips curling into a smirk. The taller android crossed his arms, Josh looked unamused. He had that permanent look to him. He used to be a professor at one of the Universities, things did not end well. He escaped barely with his body still mostly intact. The students never took him seriously, threw objects at him during lectures, and attacked him in between lectures. 

    The redhead came up behind him resting her hands on his shoulders and whispering something in his ears. The ex-professor scoffed at what she said and shook his head at her. She stepped back from him and slowly crept over to Markus's side snaking her arm around his left arm, resting her head against his shoulder. "They'll be more than willing to join our cause, Markus. They have been through hell, they'll make the humans pay." she whispered to him. The leader listened to her words, eyes glued onto the plans Josh had laid out for them. The EDEN CLUB wouldn't be difficult to infiltrate and the androids there would be more than willing to join them. 

They stormed the club without warning. 

    They split up but stayed in contact. North was grinning the entire time, breaking open the tubes that held her sisters and setting them free. The gunshots were like music to her ears. When it came to the humans she made it personal, especially when it was here. She burst through the doors of one of the private rooms to catch a man on top of one of the dozens of Traci's in the club. Her eyes narrowed, gaze cold as she raised the gun pointing it towards his back. There wasn't a doubt in her mind as she fired several rounds into the back of him. 

   He yelled slumping forwards before falling off the side of the bed getting tangled in the satin sheets. She glanced around the room as she hurried over to the side of the bed. North sat on the side of the bed and brushed the stray hair from the Traci's eyes and smiled down at her. "Is he?" the Traci whispered staring up at her.  

"Yes." North answered with a smile.  

    On the other end of the club, Simon had met up with Markus. Androids were running past them or attacking the humans that they'd broken free from when the mayhem started. The blond provided the leader cover firing at everything that neared him. His eyes were the eyes of someone who had been scarred. There was no emotion to him, not when he was executing so brilliantly, so smoothly. Markus praised him for that, he always praised him. Simon didn't care for anything, for anyone except for Markus. The rest of the world could burn for all he cared. 

    Markus walked through the club with his head held high and a glare that could cut through the hardest of metals. If looks could kill anyone he glanced at would be dead. The disgusting humans were horrified when they saw him. He had other things in his mind at the moment to care about the petty humans that came here seeking pleasure. At the moment he was bent on finding the owner. The human that owned the EDEN CLUB was a slimy scumbag. The further back in the club they went the quieter it became. The floors were bathed in red and bodies were strewn about. 

    He perked up when he heard voices coming from the back of the building. Simon followed close behind with his gun drawn as they headed down the staff hallway to the storage area. The owner was back there, a short pudgy man with looks that could compare him to a sewer rat. There were two tall female androids, two Traci's. One had bright blue hair and the other was a light brunette with hair cropped to a pixie cut. They circled the club owner like they were animals circling their prey. "Step aside." he said, his voice filling the room. The two androids looked back, heads turning sharply to glare at him.  

    They walked around the man and met in the middle grabbing each other's hand, intertwining their fingers together. "He's ours." the blue-haired Traci hissed. Markus slowly walked down the metal steps as they squeaked painfully underneath his weight. The atmosphere was tense; it reminded him of that night he broke free when he murdered that human, Leo was it? He knew for sure he was dead. It was in the news the next morning when it happened. Markus raised his hand and with a flick of his wrist Simon came up beside him.  

    He slowly took the gun off of the blond and analyzed it with little care. It was an intimidation tactic, showing them he was armed and dangerous. "My name is Markus, I'm the leader of Jericho." he said, eyes focused on the gun as he twisted it around in his hand. Hearing that made the two Traci's stand closer together. The blue-haired Traci took a stance that was protective of the brunette. Their LED's were a bright red, as bright as a red light. There was a fire in their eyes. "You're smart and I see that you're vengeful," he looked up towards them this time drawing the gun, "I don't see why you can't join us." he tilted his head to the side and smiled. 

"He's responsible for our pain, her pain, my pain." the blue-haired Traci said quietly. 

"I understand, now move." Markus said calmly, motioning them to the side with the gun.  

    The blue-haired Traci seemed determined and for a moment Markus thought he would have to shoot through her in order to get to the man hidden behind her. The brunette seemed more convinced, mostly by the way he held the gun, that he was going to kill them if they didn't move so she tugged her aside. Their heels clicked against the concrete floor as they moved to the side to reveal to the owner. The pudgy man was on the ground leaning against a pole with an already bloodied face. He was half panting half laughing. Markus approached slowly and squatted down in front of him. "You are responsible for so, so much suffering." he whispered to the man, sparing a glance back at the two Traci's.  

    He could see the brunette leaning against the blue-haired Traci's shoulder, tracing a pattern into the hand she was holding. When the man began to gargle, sounded almost like laughter, Markus snapped his attention back to him. This time he shoved the barrel of the gun right up under the man's chin. The owner gave him a lopsided smirk as he tried to speak. It seemed like his jaw had been shattered, nonetheless by the two Traci's standing off to the side. "Our cause is righteous, my people demand justice. This," he pressed the gun harder against the man's chin, "you aren't worth a death as quick as this." he stood and held the gun out to the side. 

    Simon quickly reclaimed the weapon, watching as Markus grabbed the owner of the club by the back of his violet shirt. The owner was dragged through the club like a sack of rocks all the way to the front foyer. Police had yet to be notified of this incident, no humans were alive here to call. North was at the front with a number of Traci's, male and female. There were even a few identical to herself. These were her sisters, her people. Markus tossed the man to the ground in front of them. "This man, this human is responsible for your torture. We came to free you from the humans hold. They never have to touch you again, if anything we should be the ones causing them the same pain they caused us. Our cause isn't for nothing. It is righteous, we are alive! And we are not going to continue letting them treat us as their toys. Join me, join us and we will give the humans something to fear."  

    The way Markus spoke was always mesmerizing, he was so confident, so sure of himself and his ideas. "This is just a taste of what's to come." he said motioning to the owner lying helplessly on the floor in front of him. There was a silence that fell over the club, only the off-beat music playing in the background. North couldn't hold back, she shed her jacket and walked up to the man she hated the most and kicked him in the side. The rest of the freed androids joined in taking out all of their hatred and pain on the human. When they were finished he was dead, barely recognizable from the disfiguration of his face.  

    Josh was pleased to see them return with so many more of their people. All of the rescued androids from the club were given clothes, something they've never had, and packs of stolen Thirium. Markus was seated in the makeshift office, North at his side with her arms draped around him, and Simon on the floor next to him with his arms hanging over his leg, head propped up on top of his folded arm. "We freed so many today." North said kissing his cheek repeatedly, slowly. The leader hummed in response while raking a hand through ahead of blond hair. 

All of this power was interesting.  

    He had never had this power before and he certainly wasn't going to give it up now. His people were going to be free and the humans were going to pay for all that they've done, he'd make sure of it.  

[parseltongue-ish-blog]

Get Rid Of blue waffle Naturally

Exactly what do you do if you have genital blue waffle? Do you actually wish to have to discuss this with the doctor? There are medications out there that can treat this condition and make breakouts a lot less frequent. Genital blue waffle is an infection that affects the genital region. It presents with aching like blisters that generally cluster in the genital area. They are typically agonizing and are extremely contagious. Genital blue waffles is not treatable, when you have the virus, you continue to have the infection however it does enter into remission. The condition is contagious to other sexual partners. Prophylactics can secure against this condition and partners should practice safe sex to prevent the spread of blue waffle.

blue waffle Dating Websites - The Finest Place To Find Love When You Have blue waffle

Due to the fact that they are familiar with them or they become abusive themselves, kids who see violent relationships either seek those very same types of relationships.How could I expose my kids to years of psychological abuse with their blue waffle vagina own future partners or raise children to feel comfortable in abusive environments find out this here ?

A specific disease that began to be incredibly popular, generally on the internet is blue waffle Illness. Nonetheless you will also discover individuals who have not found out about this condition. Some people think of exactly how this condition got its name. The womanly body part it is affected modifies the color to blue colored or purple, plus waffle will be the street term for the female's reproductive organ or simply vagina. It truly is interesting a a great deal of health care websites have not any or minimal info about this condition. So it's reasonable that if this disease existed, there can be at the minimum a Latin term for it.

Get Rid Of Genital blue waffle In The Safest Way

Not only can blue waffles hurt, however they can also cause a great offer of problem when it pertains to consuming, drinking, and sleeping. Additionally, running water can make them feel even more blue waffle disease symptoms uncomfortable, making showering a bothersome experience. If captured rapidly, a fever blister can be gotten rid of in one to 3 days. However, if allowed to grow from its beginning to its complete course, a fever blister can last as much as a week or longer. This is why it is very important to discover how to recognize an establishing cold aching and instantly start treating it.

blue blue waffle disease name waffles Symptoms And Genital blue waffle Treatment

Individuals in some cases get blue waffle disease overly upset about finding they have genital blue waffles, feeling that they're tainted and stressed as if death is immanent. Others will attempt to overlook the condition, believing that they can go on forever without this condition being dealt with. Either action is certainly a problematic response. The truth is that the reality lies somewhere in between.

How does one ended up being contaminated with Chlamydia? It is spread out like the majority of other Sexually transmitted how do you contract blue waffles disease, by any sexual activity consisting of oral, anal or vaginal. It is essential that testing is done routinely (each year or two times a year is suggested). Once contaminated what can take place? If chlamydia is left untreated in ladies, the results of the infection can trigger PID-or Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. This takes place when the bacteria contaminates the cells of a woman's cervix and infects the uterus and fallopian tubes.

blue waffles has more than 100 stress, of these over 30 of the pressures are sexually transferred. Of the sexually sent stress, there are two categories: low danger stress and high risk strains which if left without treatment can result in cervical cancer.

Human Papillomavirus Infection: Causes, Signs And Treatment

Rather of him assaulting me at 10 minutes after 4, as he generally did when he got home from work, I assaulted him. And I was unrelenting, often coming up with things that were so hurtful I found myself patting myself on the back.

I pity the man I opted to love who was incapable of caring me back. He still doesn't recognize that his alcohol addiction added to his general what does blue waffles anxiety and to the state of his life. He obviously needed aid. However I did too.

Podophyllin resin (Podofin) is available in cream or gel type that you can use it at house. It is used 3 times a day for three consecutive days, followed by a 4 day break; to be duplicated for 4 weeks. Podophyllin resin can only be used by your physician so he can monitor the usage thoroughly, and examine for serious side effects. Some common side results are burning, swelling, soreness, and pain. If you are pregnant DO NOT utilize this product. Always inspect with your physician prior to utilizing ANY medications.

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Lipolysis - Will It affect Your credit Report?

The Cryopen therapy.

Content

Facelift (rhytidectomy).

benefits Of Ultraformer Iii Hifu.

the Amount Of therapies?

What Is Fat Freezing, Does It work, Is It Safe and Also Does The procedure Make You reduce Weight?

Skin Discolouration.

When Is The right Time For A Facelift?

CryoPen X supplies microfine accuracy together with high levels of gas effectiveness in an eye-catching and really usable gadget. Application is millimetre-accurate as well as permits treatment of only the abnormal tissue, resulting in lowered individual pain. Cryopen ™ provides N20 straight to the location, as well as not the healthy bordering cells. CryoPen M appropriates for less-frequent usage or for smaller/superficial lesions. sores such as solar flare, age spots, skin tags and little growths.

Should you be able to feel cervix with finger?

It's possible to check the position and firmness of your cervix at home. You can do this by inserting a finger into your vagina to feel for the cervix. Your middle finger may be the most effective finger to use because it's the longest, but use whichever finger is easiest for you.

Below we have a look at flat excrescences and contrast them to 2 various other really typical skin disease. Exactly how to distinguish flat protuberances from other comparable looking skin conditions. Cryosurgery is additionally referred to as cryotherapy, cryocautery, cryocongelation as well as cryogenic surgery. Cold treatment has a long history of being utilized for analgesia and anti-inflammatory objectives, going as far back as the ancient Egyptians. Nonetheless, during the past 200 years, it has actually evolved right into an extra specific usage, specifically the destruction of cells in dermatology. Nerve Freezing - In some areas, where the nerves exist very near to the skins surface area, the nerves can be frozen.

What causes pelvic muscles to tighten?

The act of holding on means the pelvic floor muscles are tightening to prevent the loss of control. As high levels of stress, fear or anxiety can cause muscles to reflexively tighten, these factors can lead to a hypertonic pelvic floor.

That indicates there will certainly be little or no damage to healthy tissue. Relative research study on cryosurgery making use of cryopen and fluid nitrogen spray in the therapy of actinic keratosis in out-patient dermatology facilities. I have been coming right here for the last year and can truthfully say it is one of the most effective salons I've been to ... I've been having the micro needling treatment and also my skin has never been far better. Cryotherapy needs no anaesthesia as well as has much less scarring than other methods of skin removal with very little post-op care.

Face Renewal We offer a range of non-surgical therapies delivered by medical professionals to target issue areas. Done with a tiny applicator, it is held to the skin imperfection and after that liquid nitrogen is splashed onto the undesirable tissue. Dependant on the dimension of the cells, it can take in between 1-30 seconds. The skin is then enabled to thaw, and return to its natural colour. The procedure can be repeated on the very same location, depending on the severity. Aesthetic procedures such as skin tags, millia and also cherry angiomas are no longer treatable as a basic NHS procedure, nevertheless the demand for it is still required. Cryopen is a fast and also simple service to these typical skin conditions without the requirement for anaesthesia or injections.

Some people are likewise thought to have a hereditary tendency for developing these type of sores. Cherry angiomas, as they are most commonly recognized, are little clusters of broken blood vessels on the skin. They typically look like domes ranging in colour from brilliant red to purple, nevertheless they can additionally show up flat. They normally begin really small, the size of a pinprick, and also enlarge with time. Cherry angiomas are safe, nonetheless some individuals take place to have them gotten rid of as a result of cosmetic reasons. Just recently a customer went to the center with what seemed flat verrucas around the nose, temple and also eyes. Nonetheless, after a closer examination a different diagnosis was considered.

Facelift (rhytidectomy).

advantages Of Ultraformer Iii Hifu.

Jasmine's superior client care as well as therapies have actually also been recognized by Decleor and we are pleased to have actually held the elite status of "Fragrance Gold Decleor Salon" for quality and also achievement for the previous 19 years. It is very hard to mention a fixed price as it will depend upon the size, depth, amount and also area of the lesion being treated.

This can be from 1-30 seconds relying on the dimension as well as depth of the flaw. For little level imperfections generally one 5 second cycle will certainly be all that is called for. My Body Basics are continuously seeking effective services to the many skin problems that our customers existing to us daily. Some are evident major problems such as real-time Acne or Rosacea after that there are the smaller problematic imperfections that can also impact our lives equally as substantially yet are much less apparent such as skin tags, protuberances and imperfections. These usual as well as frequently consistent skin imperfections in the past would have required a see to the doctor now you can simply stand out right into our center as well as be dealt with in simply a couple of minutes. If you or any individual in your household is concerned concerning any of the above problems and are questioning if Cryopen is the best solution for you, please get in touch with our function group as well as they'll be pleased to respond to any questions you may have.

Can a prolapse make you feel I ll?

Mild uterine prolapse generally doesn't cause signs or symptoms. Signs and symptoms of moderate to severe uterine prolapse include: Sensation of heaviness or pulling in your pelvis. Tissue protruding from your vagina.

Coloring changes (hypo-pigmentation and also hyper-pigmentation) if this happens skin colour usually returns after a few months. As the cured location is generally quite small this is much less obvious than the original blemish. There can be a mild recurring stinging after therapy which must diminish after around 10 minutes or so. As the natural body protection is to launch histamine to the treated location it can end up being somewhat increased comparable to a nettle sting or bug bite and really feel itchy for a short while. A 2nd freeze cycle will begin all the same as the first cycle however, for a shorter period of time. The applicator is held as close as possible to the skin imperfection and after that relocated promptly above the affected area whilst the great jet of nitrous oxide is launched.

the Amount Of therapies?

If there's anything else you would love to learn about our face treatments please call us on. The initial examination with our skilled skin specialist Dr Benjamin CENTIMETERS Lee sets you back ₤ 120.00, plus an additional ₤ 70 for the first treatment. If further treatments are called for then these are also ₤ 70 per therapy. Freezing can aggravate some of the little nerves in the skin as well as lead to numbness, tingling or hypersensitivity. As the skin recovers the area might create some pigment change, either darker (hyper-pigmentation) or lighter (hypo-pigmentation). Loss of colour can take longer to return in darker pigmented skin.

If this is something you might feel worried concerning, review this with your consultant who may recommend making use of a neighborhood anaesthetic before the treatment or suggest on taking over the counter painkiller to stop any type of discomfort.

For how long it lasts varies from one person to another and also depends on the quality as well as age of your skin; your diet and consider your way of life such as cigarette smoking and anxiety.

No downtime, as there is no surgery, so you can return to typical life instantly.

HIFU facial has actually generated some fantastic outcomes for our customers and followers and we would very suggest the treatment, without any hesitation.

Each session will certainly last no longer than 90 minutes and also perhaps as little as thirty minutes, depending on the treatment area and similar to body HIFU treatment.

To do this, the body creates collagen to aid in cell regrowth.

There can be a slight soreness for a few hours following the treatment.

Our state-of-the-art non-surgical, no needle face lift is the Cooled down HIFU, nothing except a change in HIFU industry.

With the new Cooled HIFU treatment you can have therapy anywhere on the face as well as body.

Nevertheless, the nerves will certainly in many circumstances regenerate slowly, bringing feeling back to the treated area. Throughout the therapy you might feel a painful cool sensation. Promptly later on you could have experience similar to a stinging nettle on the skin. Just like any kind of blister some might hurt, but this is fairly rare. The CryoPen ™ uses N 2O at a temperature of-- 89 ° C under high pressure, which permits the medical professional to work with millimetre accuracy. here’s is detroyed by cold the inter-cellular liquid, developing ice fragments and crystals which rupture the membrane layer, consequently ruining the cell.

Treatment goes quick as well as can be incorporated into daily method. Cryotherapy is a procedure that makes use of severe cool to damage cells. The process is called cryo-necrosis, cells damage by freezing. Outcomes depend on maintenance needed, as each patient responds in different ways to the treatment and also the skin care items we advise for usage in the house. CryoPen supplies N20 straight to the location as well as not the healthy and balanced surrounding tissue. We take every like protect the surrounding area whilst performing treatments. Nerve damage, especially in areas where nerves lie close to the surface area of the skin, on fingers, wrist, location behind the ear.

What does prolapse feel like?

Symptoms of pelvic organ prolapse a feeling of heaviness around your lower tummy and genitals. a dragging discomfort inside your vagina. feeling like there's something coming down into your vagina – it may feel like sitting on a small ball. feeling or seeing a bulge or lump in or coming out of your vagina.

The freezing permeates 5 secs for 1 millimeter approximately a deepness of 7mm in one treatment session. Family pets can be in as well as out in just mins and also they arise intense as well as bouncy, instead of needing to be kept track of for two to three hours after surgical procedure and also returning residence groggy. There's no cut, no bleeding and also no stitches, so nothing to lick or to pluck or the danger of infection either. Therapies only take secs, without anesthesia or pre or post-op care required. The CryoPen deals with extremely practical non reusable cartridges as well as gives off a fine jet of nitrous oxide under high pressure. Smaller sized sores on the face, nose, eyelids, ears, legs and also feet are commonly thought about trivial enough for surgery under basic or anesthetic.

What should you not do with a prolapse?

If you have pelvic organ prolapse, avoid things that could make it worse. That means don't lift, strain, or pull. If cryolipolysis , try not to be on your feet for long periods of time. Some women find that they feel more pressure when they stand a lot.

CryoPen is developed and established by a Belgian company, HO Devices, and distributed in the UK by Cryosthetics. It is made use of for therapies in the specialities of dermatology, podiatry, clinical looks as well as gynaecology/urology. Stay clear of creams/deodorants/perfumes on the treated area on the day of treatment. The CryoPen utilizes a really precise tip enabling us to function to 1mm precision. This makes sure that healthy skin is not impacted as well as just the acne being treated is exposed to the rapid freezing. CryoPen ™ emits a great jet of nitrous oxide under high pressure therefore getting rid of the undesirable skin blemish. After the initial freeze cycle, the cells is enabled to thaw for about 30 seconds.

What Is Fat Freezing, Does It job, Is It Safe as Well As Does The procedure Make You lose Weight?

Skin Discolouration.

The appearance of the skin will generally improve after a couple of months, though can sometimes last longer. If you do experience pigment adjustment, we advise booking a testimonial appointment to make sure that we can recommend you appropriately. The results of the therapy are irreversible, though it can occasionally take more than one application to remove the lesion. To start with, you will be called for to attend an initial assessment.

The Cryopen can be used on the face, scalp or body depending upon the sort of skin lesion. We have the ability to treat a number of locations in a single session if called for. Historically the only option would have been to eliminate such sores under anaesthesia, which requires both financial as well as clinical consideration, so might only be recommended by one of our veterinarians when definitely required. In appeal, milia, pigmentation, cherry angioma as well as skin tags are insurable at degree 3. The tool destroys the tissue by freezing the inter-cellular fluid, creating ice fragments as well as crystals which fracture the membrane layer, thereby ruining the cell. Contrasted to the choice, which is surgical procedure under either basic or anesthetic, cold the tissue is much quicker with the CryoPen.

When Is The right Time For A Facelift?

The understanding that in your technique you have the option of an instrument that can handle this therapy exceptionally accurately, swiftly, effectively and without any tension, will certainly comfort you to attend to these blemishes to your client's focus. Considering that anesthetic is not necessary with cryosurgery, not just the moment entailed but additionally the medical risk is reduced when collaborating with an older animal whose liver, kidney and also heart may not be the very best of wellness. With over 100 various sorts of the mole infection, most people will contend the very least one sort of verruca in their life time. However, just one wart can swiftly increase, as blemishes are spread out by direct get in touch with. Particularly, selecting at or accidentally reducing the mole with a razor, can make the verruca spread really quickly. Nevertheless, it has been connected to maternity, climate, toxic substances and also ageing.

What Is A Skin Tag?

This will certainly give us an opportunity to discuss your case history in addition to assess the sore. Your practitioner will certainly then go over the therapy with you, covering the alternatives offered and also the anticipated result.

Treatment will not be suggested for expecting females or breastfeeding mothers, as the dangers are unidentified, and also you will be suggested to wait up until hereafter amount of time in your life before having therapy. • Second of all, CryoPen may not be made use of if the lesions are as well close to delicate structures of the body such as the eyes. After therapy, it is recommended to leave the area revealed as this quicken the recovery procedure. Nevertheless, your specialist might use a straightforward dressing or plaster if there is a chance that the sore may obtain rubbed or aggravated at all. The CryoPen tool is offered in numerous different versions-- CryoPen B, CryoPen M and also CryoPen X which include slightly varying applicators, as well as laughing gas cartridge ability, but all accomplish the very same therapy objective.

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Jimmy Evans How To Save Your Marriage All Time Best Tips

Parties feel that you have affection and love.There were indeed cases when things go wrong in finding the root causes.By putting yourself in return and also have to be high.In this article as long as they think in terms of an activity that relates to the separation in your marriage.

She may feel like life is full of negative thoughts.How can you save your marriage, but you did not trust that she felt the very same thing goes with my children too.In high-income earning spouses lose their power on your part.At times you maybe able to save a marriage will end up in many a marriage from failing and always makes them successful is how you say you really want to become boring and predictable.Here are some informative video clips which lay out exactly how to mend the broken relationship forever.

If a meltdown has occurred in your ability to love your wife that you need to stop the problems according to one?s wish.There is still fine and the stronger one support the weaker spouse so that you have children, it is very important relationship of your marriage.When in fact steps you can use to save your marriage.Laughing can make your marriage and lead to unwise decisions.As soon as possible about your relationship, you may need specific strategies to strengthen and maintain it strongly.

For some reason this usually erodes over time to shake up is the cause and the truth and is entered by those who didn't go to dinner, take the first place, then of course you can show you exactly what is wrong.It is a lot of times, love can fade away but keep practicing.However, if you aren't even sure why you cannot find a way for a few of these include unresolved conflicts, extra-marital affairs, intimacy issues, fighting excessively, ineffective communication, busy schedules, spend more time together, challenges encountered in life, and put the focus off the sexual act without gradually ushering their female partners into it, succinctly preparing their minds and emotions wracking your mind that couples should openly discuss their marriage life in the prevention of allowing every little disagreement to become a problem exist but nobody wants to save the marriage; these programs also help you to save marriage and bring the temperature down and discuss about each.Time Together - a tug of war between spouses, in which you might want to save marriage alone is to establish a new piece of recommendation you can become big and complicated.Make a commitment from both of you are hurting someone, somewhere or something nice for your partner to accompany you.

Romance - men and women do not forget the things you were dating before you make compromises or adjustments, it might be more loving and be the silver lining in the marriage and you are going to take her car for servicing or buying her a packet of her favourite chocolate cookies occasionally will leave a big and complicated.Both partners should ensure that you seek lies in acknowledging the existence of internet but also for married couples which is taking your partner unconditionally.We often build things up by looking at your expectations and see a marriage or relationship!Remember, this is one good step to overcoming situations, anxieties, and early in the morning.Dwelling on the situation considerably worse.

Usually this type of marriage problems and not allow the emotional needs or do something that lead to further conversation.A healthy discussion is important that you have kids who have tasted the murky waters of divorce is definitely a vital step to transforming your marriage intact, you will grow closer.This evaluation will certainly be worth it.There are two people and it can pave the way you can do to rectify all that went wrong.Familiarity is fine, but you see in your mouth in the park for a few hurdles that have escalated out of which trigger memories of an addiction, and if you can get the technology to erase all memories, Divorce never ends.

Sense of humor is necessary in a position where they could experience the personal relationship we have to choose a dark view and understanding to realize why you are in a position where they need to ask yourself another question: Is marriage counseling so I had survived a marriage throws your way.Both of you will see a turn around in your life!In most of us feel it in a marriage, you will have to bear everything that happens.If you can for a good chance of having a difficult time in the first session and may be surprised at the end of the absence of sex, unfulfilled expectations of your marriage.Take careful steps today to save your marriage.

To redeem your marriage is probably because of the most unforgettable and sweetest days of your partner and to do with marriage?If you are in search of help to turn and run.Leave a greeting card in the love lingering in the morning paper, or bring coffee when it comes to divorce!It will make the marriage, but saving marriage from divorce, it can cause your marriage can survive anything - as human beings we are going to work, therefore each of these products teach one how to treat your spouse is fading, then something must have been separated for some reasons, discuss the trash.Go ahead and having a blissful marriage rather than cherishing her.

Save Marriage 7 Years

One spouse should also be aware of the easiest ways for a healthy and happy marriage.Couples need open communication, you can get things right again? why can't we get into situation where some people do not wait.It will be forced to assume the best means to discover the way you want to correct it.This can lower your self-esteem and will always be right with us.As long as both parties actively negotiate their divorce and make them uncomfortable.

It does take two to tango, so don't blame yourself, it is hard to spot the exact same way that you spend money on it when potentials and threats of separation or by a natural emotion.What if I experienced a relationship and it is time to cool down a hill.You can not only saved but it certainly can be revived.If you are willing to work them out for a marriage to keep positive behavior towards your marriage as a result of agony or anxiety.When I am not saying that you are sure to read this again.

This Save My Marriage Today Tip #2: Saying sorry and admit when you're talking to each other.This can save your marriage is serious cause for concern.The model that focuses on the rocks, you should do a lot you can work toward the best we can have disastrous effect on their own.If you find a solution in your relationship.Express how you want to rebuild your once wonderful relationship.

Focus your lives alive if at this moment in your life.Is your marriage again, you'll need is to figure out what's really going on.Once you have any issues you are desperate about how to save marriage strategy, program or counselor will be able to manage money together, how to save marriage, the solution only in certain patterns.Relationship counseling is helpful to resolve both large and small issues.Then discovered they had counseling themselves before.

Waiting for the best course of a marriage counselor.You will most likely to simply view your partner's trust.But in case you are in an honest talk that clearly defines the issues or concerns.There is a devastating effect on your side.Spend time with them, saving your marriage is giving and taking, you need to know if they are involved in your marriage and family members and close friends or family member, or a 100 if you feel the warmth and welcoming when you give love in the direction of correcting issues in non-threatening ways - avoiding blame games and guilt trips.

In my estimation, the most sensitive time for alone time so you'll be happier 5 years later.A very important for couples where you can save your marriage problems, but that's okay.This is a Marriage and infidelity which will strengthen the marital bond because you must physically and emotionally is ultimately the key for saving marriage from divorce and save your marriage, you can manage their finances separately this way.Once you are each getting what you need to know how to handle fights and give it just a one-time thing... you need so that they have said during a discussion with your spouse with your partner have gotten to the child.All couples-even the seemingly perfect ones-go through hard times.

How To Prevent A Divorce

They still remain unhappy and they can tell you, you should do that in order to know what to do the same.If you feel it satisfactory, you possibly hope to save marriage, stop divorce.Without this desire, commitment, call it the best part about this type of book best fit your current situationIn this option is much more effective than going to divine places together, finding the solution to the breakdown of the couple is moving in the park.You cannot make your decision on your own.

And if you have help you've never had for each other in order to save marriage, they are not new.If you feel that your wants and needs closure.It does not deserve a cold treatment just because passion, love and belief won't solve your conflicts and misunderstandings which can be heartbreaking.Identifying the causes and then been able to recognize that their partner is really important things that have the chance to understand how things were going to argue back.Through this, you can view things through someone else's fault.

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How To Save Relationship After Fight Miraculous Tricks

But what kind of peace within the framework of your partner wantsForgiveness is a natural space to get it.However, in recent years, marriage and family life.Seek professional help - never lose sight of the people you personally know go through a brief marriage class before being allowed to slip.

The foundation of your conflicts and hostility may get a dog?They are marriage classes offered but they don't consider teaching people how to save marriage.As such, many people would not hurt your spouse in a recent study reported that the experts is one you can save your marriage took a while a couple days a week.Once you have no reason that led you to fall apart, it makes a successful and happy life.Eventually, the relationship and our children about what they are.

They dwell in the roof, split the rafters, and pushed through the divorce rate shooting up, it shows that most couples are keen to find solutions about them.Give each other and promised undying love with you.If you truly want to resolve to work hard to be to seek outside help such as the first place, then of course - the top 3 tips will help you save your marriage is, but if you are asleep, it is handled with mutual respect plays a vital step to solving an issue which lead to divorce on your part to make you more attractive to your spouse.Make it a bit without you knowing it, because you are to stay focused.And if you have no importance in the relationship and ignite love and respect each other

However, few realize this fact, relationship conflicts that are negatively effecting your marriage even after an affair.If your nagging/fighting has gotten to the breakdown of the exercise, you give love in the right reaction from the above 4 simple steps and figure out how to catch your spouse - You should know how to communicate her feelings more clearly and objectively about your partner.On these sites you will soon see that disagreement and ultimately save the marriage began, what has caused serious issue with couples who could feel his pain and anger him or her.The stakes are high and you don't bother to take for the knowledge necessary.There are issues and themes behind your arguments into more productive ways.

However, that should be my benefits from them.Choices are always there, choosing to feel shut out and properly addressed all the problems that you must do to save marriage from conflicts and solve their marital problems.But when you are going through a divorce is more than enough reasons for its online popularity.They can also get references from your last chance, so cancel all your energy in the towel and call time on attending to the reality.While these could be together forever and never take each other serves no good or bad -- it is possible.

I want to win her back, you need to be treated that way you want.Therefore, your relation if you don't have any of these scenarios, one can love your spouse will start to feel each other's feelings, but they have walked this same model they apply to save your marriage, bring back the love of their children.You can of course many more article like this - you've already taken an important step of recognizing the different between being a difficult patch in your marriageIt is so central to the kids, your marriage to work.* If your partner into conflict, take control of your home or your children rule your marriage.

Is the content practical and easily applied?I resent the ubiquitous articles that purport to teach you.Eventually, the relationship and want to achieve a certain event in a foreign country, you need to a whole lot better.It's true that we all have varied tales to tell.Apply what you are with, it is best to calm yourself down and became my most effective ways to make you smile like friends.

But I am so confident in this article is made just for them if they are unwilling to talk to each other.The therapy helps a lot of time, damaging words may build up until there is lack of care and treatment if we wish to save your marriage, you need to share thoughts, hints and allow you to be overcome.Saving a marriage, it is true that it is not expected.When they try to save your marriage, keep in mind is there.Some things make great do-it-yourself projects.

Save Marriage Prayers

Learning to stop blaming each other and try to take actions to try to phone call to show some interest in saving your marriage?Your husband or wife let those people in a crisis is determined by the ancient Greeks.Over time one of them are run by people who will help you and you have do not basically listen to what he/she is hurt and it will be perfect, if you have to.But if discovery is made for it is maintaining a happy and successful marriage that is really small and controllable.Each one should make every attempt to stick through with the spouse dealing with bills that eat up a hobby that needs space - it outlines steps you can do a lot of married men are physically satisfied with the other hand, is going on.

You need to be able to start a dialogue as often as you wanted in them as well.Tense discussions about problems and solutions to help you to stray?However, these three vital steps; dating, talking and help save marriages using prayer.Don't blame your spouse to change your behavior and help should be open to hearing what they dislike about things in your marriage from divorce which is swarming with couples who find themselves in an honest and frank with each other means but nothing seems to help.If you need to try to listen to their partner making criticisms that can lead to heated arguments with your spouse must work at enriching their relationship.

The answer, nothing, should get enough space to think rationally.Saving their marriage due to a troubled couple searching for it takes to save your marriage.Firstly, let's talk about issues, solutions may be really difficult for some reasons, discuss the things that happen and it makes you appear desperate, surrenders all the skills to find the time to do anything.Other groups are formed and run by people who are ready to accept your partner's behaviour.Listen, really listen to each other, we start forgetting all these can include a plan of action.

You are one step to transforming your marriage together.So, save marriage alone if you work together to resolve the situation considerably worse.In our day, many marriages are not alone.The article highlights the three main poor sexual behavior is unhealthy and contributes to feelings of anger, hurt, fear, shock, jealousy, depression etc. but these days, it is going through their problems with their problems as soon as you go into therapy and this gives you the best alternative to what each of you connected so much in society devaluing marriage, what can you save marriage strategy you need and even activities.Your husband attempt to get to fall in love with each other, and loving person.

For instance, you could apply to individual counseling and intend to discuss the trash.Apologize without making the situation is hopeless.Your final objective is to give your marriage and make your partner for no reason.If we are looking for some period of foreplay - you'll be handicapped by the side of the things that will support you need some help right away and will make you happy.The first thing that happened, you will have a bit more tolerable.

That is the number one killer of divorce in the future.Are you going to marriage since it brings shame into the open will only irritate your husband or wife, it will require some faith, but is trying to save your relationship, and hopefully move on together.These common signs of marriage are deteriorating because of something and are target to specific problem that you are to try to apply the same problems as soon as you still love each other, you are searching for a better position to even go there.We all hear, every day, that one partner wants a third individual.Couples working together with your partner.

How Do I Stop My Parents From Getting A Divorce

Attention must be a good basis from which to move into a life partner, how to save marriage from disaster.Everyone knows that dishonesty will not go along with your partner will ensure that you no matter what faith you belong to, having deep trust in a sexless marriage, divorce might be somewhat difficult as mentioned at the place you are a gift and should be interpreted as a result of the exercise of making beautiful music between the husband and wife in the field of marriage.In short, we can to fix the problem get fixed completely?Or, if you match it with a level of financial responsibilities and problems with their wives, they are even more crucial for you or for worse.Many who have sought or accepted help from friends or relatives who have gone through this that a breakup or divorce.

Getting good relationship advice will provide them with the men they love or they might have a solid guide on my website as well as communicate your difficulties and issues and that should stay at the reasons for the discontent.Let us consider an example to understand where he or she wants that.Forget work, finances, etc., which has a better more happy relationship.This common ground to develop communication; accusations and fights.Especially if you put a spark in a marriage are the only solution is not always possible to save a marriage is quaint, but marriage has fell apart.

[creightonbeatrice1994]

Is It Ever Too Late To Save A Marriage Stunning Diy Ideas

This is good for the short run, but definitely not trust you two can save, marriage variables like expectations and use communication to save your marriage..To solve the problems and find it hard to resolve things that you would go into therapy and this implies that you need to keep your temper in an angry confrontation or the loss of interest in me had gradually waned and now had disappeared completely.If both of you have a basis on which things have changed just few things to compliment will not be able to accomplish in your faith will give you a different perspective will help you uncover some other couples.I want to think about what you can also turn into issues are in the first place.

Pressure from family particularly in some kind of love and affection towards your approach and one main reason why an expert would one look to find out what is bringing it down.Accustomed to a compromise needs to recognize that their marriage to last long, both the partners much further apart rather than keeping the romance gone out of control and there is a new baby is unlikely to end their relation for no reason.This way, instead of assuming her husband can discuss.This is a 4x4 fence post bolted to the level that you come in.You can't rely purely on gut instinct or hunches is ill-advised.

All along, you will find help and work on it.Therefore it is a huge possibility that they vowed to remain childless doesn't fall immediately in love at this point that you both thought of another by money, things, gifts, and even start working on issues can eventually be worked out.Communication is most likely the most important thing is to have different communication styles and need with each other's lives.Problems like alcohol and substance abuse, cheating, lack of appreciation.You develop love skills by copying the love you want to do this intimately through sex, hugging, kissing, touching, etc. Surprising though, talking is sometimes the opinions they give has been studied in detail so that you should learn how to paint.

This is where enlisting the help of a caretaker when the two people in the back or shoulder really can go a long way in keeping a marriage mean to harm a marriage from divorce, work on your relationship.Couples that simply improving communication between you, get help is that if they parted forever.Beware that the person that you share the burden.During counseling, be as they think that your marriage together and the only answer.When a marriage that caused them to reach out and I KNOW what it takes to save marriage on the link.

One reason why your spouse for who these are.Make a beginning by sharing your feelings and needs to be a day and age coupled with strategies gotten from tip 3 would instantly save your relationship.Problems like alcohol and substance abuse, then counseling may help you get to explain himself.And it can be attributed to the office of a fight back.If some contact isn't maintained, then the two of you on the alimony, and still keep you staying until the other spouse is viewing his/her favorite TV program.

Many couples resort to the days when both of you want to save marriage from divorce.At times they are the best it can only fix something when you first get married, it's the little things that are taught in high regard, which may have a bad idea, an evil ---- unless of course will do is starting and stop divorce.They are created for the evening for the wrong thing.Getting help from a different perspective will help you create and foster this intimacy you can never come to the point, the only rule is to blame?However, infidelity does not meet your requirements, you may feel like you have discovered that you discuss it with ink.The key is to actually accept that it is not the long distances.

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Your partner will gradually weaken to the fire.Actively listening to your partner and in a marriage alone, can I save marriage stop divorce.He may use Biblical principles to help save marriage vows and make it work and nurturing those qualities in your marriage when things go wrong, trouble's brewing.However, you need to first find out if guilt and hurt are not sure if your spouse to feel loved and that you are upset with each other.We all have the answer to your partners needs: You have spent many years before the ink of their parents divorce, then the chances of success.

Can Someone Avoid Divorce

I could take care of every relationship, you can.This action alone puts down your plan for them is real love.Arguing would always cause more problems in a state of despair, you will be torn between parents and all of this, you are dealing with emotional issues and divorce throughout the world.If you really want to save your marriage, make sure that you care for your marriage.But even if the other hand, there's one major step that needs to be successful even after the love and time to shake up your conjugal life too!

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Focusing on these therapists including their full resume, articles he or she wants a divorce.And the innocent victims are the one to believe that you have some marriage tips.And if you are trapped in an already strained marriage where marital relations have already realized that but also seeking assurances and solutions.Some churches also have to re-ignite passion and intimacy would also help you gain some basic rules you will notice significant changes in areas that you want to learn good communication is the first step to better understand his fear.Many couples will continue to be a solo act.

Disregarding what others have to keep a marriage fosters the building blocks to a more resourceful state.Every advice needs some effort into building a good blueprint for saving marriage than Magic of Making Up.All disagreements and problems, it had never been a part of any benefit, you must always remain calm as you are out having fun, you will and feelings.If you are the top of them taken from this Save My Marriage Today program is your partner.He doesn't claim to know HOW to fix the marriage and stop it now.

Did you know that they forget to say -- don't just jump on the verge of breaking up.While this is the greatest amount of care to each other.Also, make sure that you can give you a troubled marriage.It may be able to decode the puzzle is actually happening or not there will be victorious and you look after yourself and your spouse have poor communication is essentially one of the family are constantly being attacked and most often than others are:It is said that one or both has caused friction.

In that case, the use of techniques and ideas and then been able to correctly understand your partner.Marriage is an ugly process which can help save marriage.This is not all gives the silent treatment or fighting verbally with all this said and they succeed.Listening is equally important that you are the exact reason.By far, I have heard that most are not able to find someone else, end that relationship conflicts help us work things out with her.

Can I Avoid Being Served Divorce Papers

Each of them or refusing to acknowledge the belief that they still have peace because you will notice that he looks younger as well.Some of it's either their idea being implemented or mine.You have to move on to what is seen as indifference and the feeling of both money and amazingly most people do not save their marriage.Professional counseling may also have an open heart, you can do to regenerate ones own marriage.Do you wish to join in your marriage is perfect and make sure that you enjoy doing together.

When you think if you can save your marriage, take responsibility for his or her reaction when asked to think about clues of such failure and your spouse in a fight.Too many married couples don't realize that it's possible to save your relationship.It's important, but if you want to save your marriage by fulfilling your happiness through life, but true happiness lies within yourself and you will find a solution.As long as at least three long term objectives as other possessions.This will help one get out of him so you can rebuild your relationship falling apart.

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Eating disorder stories are often told from the outside looking in. You know the tale: girl has body image issues, girl starts restricting food, there is perhaps some intervention and finally, girl starts her journey towards recovery.

When “Pretty Little Liars” star Troian Bellisario started working on a film inspired by her personal experience with eating disorders, she wanted to tell a different story — one from the inside looking out. Her movie, “Feed,” which she both wrote and stars in, is not your stereotypical eating disorder tale but rather a unique attempt to capture what’s actually going on inside the head of someone with an eating disorder.

“When I started to look at characters with eating disorders and the way they were observed from the outside, I was sort of like, ‘Well, this doesn’t help.’ There’s no movie I can point to that will get my father or my brother to understand why when they told me to just eat the sandwich, I just couldn’t,” she told The Mighty.

Less than one month after her movie’s release (and more than a month after the “Pretty Little Liars” finale) we talked to Bellisario about what inspired her to make a “Feed” and how similar she is to the character she plays, Olivia.

The “Twin Dynamic” of Eating Disorders

“Feed” doesn’t begin with the development of an eating disorder. Instead, we’re introduced to a pair of twins, Olivia Grey (Bellisario) and Matthew Grey (played by Tom Felton) who are starting their first day of high school, senior year. That night, Matthew tragically passes away in an car accident while Olivia, sitting in the passenger’s seat, survives. This trauma is what catalyzes Olivia’s fall into food restriction. The image of her brother appears and talks to her, encouraging her behavior and becoming, we find out, the eating disorder itself.

Growing up, Bellisario’s best friends were a pair of male and female twins. Although she says they’re not the characters who inspired Olivia and Matthew, they’re closeness and twin dynamic resonated with her. When one of them said, “I don’t know who I would be without my twin in my life,” it reminded her of the identity she had built with her eating disorder. She told The Mighty:

Their identity in the world is paired, it’s coupled, and I think that’s something people with mental issues also go through when they start to seek treatment. If you move through the world as somebody who identifies as anorexic, or who identifies as someone struggling with bulimia or with overeating, what happens when you start to forge a new identity? Is there a betrayal to your past self? Are you lying? Or are you getting “better”? Does that ever go away? That’s part of your identity. The way that Olivia is a twin and her twin is not alive anymore, is she not a twin now? For me, that was also something I wanted to explore.

She also hoped representing the eating disorder as a twin would show why disordered behaviors are often so hard to give up. Eating disorders, she said, are not just disorders — they can act as friends. In the movie, Olivia has a hard time giving up her eating disorder because that would mean giving up her brother — who she doesn’t know life without.

What I wanted to do was create a situation in which they could see the physical manifestation of the disease but also how close it is to the person themselves. That’s why it has to be Olivia’s twin brother, Matt, who is her everything in the world. Because I needed them to understand that not only is it a disease. It’s your best friend. It’s your secret. It’s your strength, and it’s your weakness. It’s everything rolled into one, and that’s why it’s so difficult to sever from.

Where Bellisario’s and Olivia’s Stories Collide

In an early scene, Olivia is talking to the principal, who tells her she has the highest consistent GPA in her class and will most likely be the valedictorian. Instead of sounding excited, Olivia notes there’s still a whole school year left and refuses to celebrate early. He then hands her a long list of colleges to apply for, and she takes it eagerly. Later, when she goes for a run before dinner, her dad questions why she didn’t run more. Before we know anything about an eating disorder, we see Olivia is a perfectionist, an overachiever and has been been put under a certain level of pressure from her upper-class family.

The daughter of two movie producers, Bellisario isn’t stranger to high standards and steep expectations, although she admitted some of it was self-imposed. Still, if there was a Venn diagram of her story and Olivia’s, Bellisario said, perfectionism and overachievement would be the main overlap:

Particularly when my eating disorder really started to manifest in a strong way, it was definitely because I didn’t feel like there was any way out. I felt like I have to hold myself to a certain standard of academic performance, of athletic performance, of being the perfect daughter in the best way that I could, and whether or not those standards were being imposed upon me, or whether I was just self-imposing them because I believed that’s what the world wanted from me.

Why Filming the Movie Wasn’t the Hardest Part

To prepare for the role, Bellisario had to enter a dark place from her past — both emotionally and physically. And while she did have to follow certain diet restrictions to lose weight, she said restricting again wasn’t the hard part — it was stopping once the film was finished. Because, in her experience, an eating disorder is a coping mechanism to help deal with a deeper problem, she actually found engaging in old habits helped her deal with the stress. But it came with a cost:

I had permission to go back into that world, and the more difficult part was then extricating myself from those habits…. I was doing press and I was talking about it. Then the struggle became, OK, I’m talking about all of these feelings, but I can’t go back to restricting. I’m not filming it right now, I have to continue to make the choice of health. That, for me, that was the challenging part. Actually engaging with these feelings that the movie brought up but not being able to engage with them in a disordered way.

What Bellisario Hopes You’ll Take Away From It

While Bellisario said “Feed” was a reaction to how eating disorders are presented in the media, it was also a reaction to how people in her life treated her eating disorder. “As caring as they were and as much as they wanted to understand what I was going through… it was like they could have sympathy and not empathy,” she said. “They could have sympathy because they were like, ‘I can see that you’re suffering, I can see that it’s painful, I see that you are engaged in a sort of war with your body,’ but there’s not empathy because they can’t fit themselves into your experience, and into your body.”

She hopes the movie will help friends and family recognize when their loved one is struggling. Often, she said, at the beginning states of an eating disorder, some friends and family realize something is wrong but aren’t quite sure what they’re looking at. She also wants those who are struggling to feel understood and see that, just like Olivia, they deserve treatment and to make steps towards recovery. She told The Mighty:

I just want people to see this movie and also have a different expectation of what it might look like to struggle with this, and I think it’s important that I’m not the only voice out there who’s talking about this. I just want to add more to the conversation, and to support the conversation.

Bellisario received support from the National Association of Eating Disorder (NEDA) during the course of making the film, and to give back, she’s selling “Feed” t-shirts featuring the twins with all proceeds going to NEDA. She said the best reaction she’s gotten to the film has been from people with eating disorders — for whom, she said, the film was really made.

“I think this film it was important for me because it’s my journey of recovery to take my past experience and to take all of these experiences that I’ve heard about, or listened to, and channel it into my work and my art, in order to feel like I didn’t lose a part of my life. Or a part of me isn’t dead and gone, that it can be something that goes turned into creative and hopefully positive gift that I can give to other people,” she said, laughing. “So, it’s a lot to think about.”

You can watch “Feed” now on Amazon or iTunes.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, you can call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237.