#love is such a fulfilling yet destructive emotion and honestly i think that bc its so all-encompassing thats what makes

[baeshijima]

ive just gone down a massive rabbit hole of youtube videos explaining and answering questions abt love in its biological and scientific form and wow i feel strangely enlightened

[fairycosmos]

3. I know i have to 'get out there' but it's hard when you've felt your whole life that nobody likes you. i literally only have one friend. i just feel really hopeless... i feel like im not meant for this kind of life, everything feels wrong and like im waiting for something's never gonna come, some kinda magic. i want of life of adventure and paint and write but instead i have to study because i'd feel like a loser w/o an education. i dont mind working i just dont want to study.

hey love, i'm really sorry to hear that. i think it's totally normal to be disappointed and even more so to be unsure about your future - it's not an indicator of failure, it's a natural part of growing up and finding your place in the world. i'm probably ignorant and don't know what it's like to actually be in your shoes, so i apologize if i come across as frustrating at some points. this is just my perspective. but i'm wondering if maybe taking more time away is an option for you? maybe working somewhere, focusing on your mental health for a while.... because the thing is your level of education has nothing to do with your worth as a person, and even more than that, there's no set time scale for this sort of thing. you could go back to college at 35, and it wouldn't matter. your life doesn't have to follow that stereotypical linear trajectory we're all forced to chase, in order for you to find happiness and success. and you don't have to justify your own personal choices to anyone, least of all to yourself. i just think it's important to try to focus on the factors of living that are in your control, that will bring you a sense of stability and peace. i know it's hard to let go of the internalised capitalistic idea of having to prove yourself through academia and getting a 'good job', but it's always useful to remind yourself of just how exploitative and made up that entire construct is. you're here and you're experiencing the world and with that you are fulfilling your point, you are doing enough. you are enough. everything else is background noise, that we're forced to muddle through, but background noise nonetheless. you don't need anyone's permission to prioritize your own needs and wants.

however, if you're dead set on studying this topic you don't like (which, i totally understand why you'd make that choice bc i know it's not that simple), then i reckon it's alright to just let yourself feel shitty for a while. any sadness, anger, disappointment, pain you feel about it is to be expected - and even though it fuckin sucks to have to carry it, its intensity definitely won't last. one way or another, you will adapt and so will your ability to cope. just don't use those emotions as an excuse to engage in self destructive behaviour, cause that'll only perpetuate the cycle and keep you in a dark place. having to force ourselves to do shit we hate is always going to feel like an everlasting burden we're never going to escape from, even if that's not the case in reality. and i had a lot of experience with that in school too - the main tactic i can remember making a difference, was like you said, finding little things to make the weight of it more bearable. i think that often starts first and foremost with our own mental health before anything else, because it controls the filter through which we see the world. if you don't like it in yourself you won't like it anywhere. when it comes to your social anxiety, are you receiving any support/would you be open to that? i think consistently seeing someone while you're in school - whether that's a counselor, a therapist, attending a support group or even just calling a hotline to begin with - could really help you manage the stress you're so afraid is waiting for you. having someone to talk to and learning why you are the way you are, and what tools could help you specifically in terms of coping mechanisms and finding a support network can honestly do wonders for your self esteem and the way you approach others. and of course it takes time, maybe that brand of self care is a lifelong process, but it's still important to engage with it. so balancing school with prioritizing your own wellbeing might be something that lightens the weight of the experience. anxiety tends to have us anticipating worst case scenarios and drawing on old insecurities to convince us we'll be alone and in pain forever, but what you've been through is truly not a mirror image of where you're going. making friends especially as an adult is fuckin hard, and struggling with it doesn't mean there's something irreparably wrong with you. just means it's hard to get to know ppl, but that's not a personal failing on your part. it's just a fact. most of them are too worried about their own 'flaws' to take note of yours. but that doesn't mean there aren't ppl out there you haven't met yet who will love you, even if that's hard to believe rn. also a side note, it could be a good idea to build up a routine where you're engaging in something that actively makes you happy at least a few times a week. can literally just be watching netflix, or taking up a hobby, meditating, going for a walk - i know college is v busy and it may not always be possible, but having small pockets of deliberate down time to look forward to is crucial. im not saying it'll cure everything or anything, just that it might make it all feel less overwhelming. but lastly, i want to say that it's ok if you give it a go and then decide you can't do it. that's an option, too. it doesn't have to be black and white. don't fault yourself for not wanting to spend 3 years doing something you hate, but also know that it's possible to get through it if it's a means to an end for you, especially if you seek the help you need. and whichever choice you go with, neither of them are 'wrong.' it's just your path.

anyway, i'm sorry this got super long. i think discussing it with someone you trust might be a good move, just to know that they have your back whether you work through uni or not. you're honestly doing so much better than you realize and i'm proud of you for continuing to try and strive despite how painful it all is. but i really hope that you can catch yourself when your brain is being unnecessarily unkind to you, and that you can then make the conscious choice to change the narrative and approach it from a place of patience and self appreciation. i think your life is still worth living even if it doesn't match up to where you think you should be, which is something i've been trying to accept lately too. that so much is beyond our control and we can literally only focus on the silver linings of the factors that are in our hands. that we can still be okay, living like that. and none of this is permanent, not the way it often seems like it is, but especially not the confusion. it just takes time to live the answers to all the existential questions you have. take it a day at a time. ANYWAY im rooting for you with all my heart and if you want to talk about this properly feel free to message me!! my overarching point is that you're not as alone as you feel. and you won't be in college, and you won't be if you look for work instead. so many of us understand where you're coming from. much love to you, take care 💗💗

[gg-astrology]

Hello love! I was searching through your sun/moon catalogue and I see there's no Cancer sun/Pisces moon reading and I was wondering if I could request it? Thank you so much for doing this! 😍💟

Hey there!! 💕💕💕 Ofc you can I’ll do my best ok! 💕

[Below Cut: Cancer sun - Pisces Moon 🍷]

Bbys....maybe crying is valid after all

De-stresses through intuition/spirituality... really really great at energy work bc both of these signs reflect, amplify and absorbs energy around them.

Can sometimes be very self-destructive....emotionally you’re always trying to be in-control of yourself and have some kind of balance/normalcy (building routine- Cancer)--- but at the same time, when something didn’t quite work out/you fail a little you tend to spiral/lose sense of all control as well.

0-100 sometimes but it’s not like-- abrupt or anything, there’s obvious tension and inclination to the curve of how you’re reacting y know? At the same time, you’re intensely sensitive and compassionate. You’re always always a little self-less which to this point--- is bad for you because you can tend to have a lower self-worth of yourself sometimes too. 

Please try to avoid crying alone, keeping too much to yourself (feeling unwanted/isolated) and not confronting your problems is a thing with you. 

It’s not that you don’t realize what the problem is -- it’s just that sometimes you guard yourself unnecessary and uses your own paranoia to fuel your lash outs. 

Instead of sharing/talking about it, you won’t learn/know how to deal with it honestly and healthily if you keep making a habit of hurting yourself and deriving sick pleasure from how broken you are sometimes too y know?

Learn how to face your demons and let it wash away from you. You’re much more prone to the ‘dark side’ than you realize (the more you struggle the more you hurt)-- learn how to discern how to be spiritually healthy, as it will help you with your overall balance as well.  

Cancer’s a little lonely, with Pisces to amplify that sometimes you can feel so alone in this whole wide world. Having friends, people, lovers around you sometimes aren’t enough. Coupled with your tendencies, sometimes you make it a bad habit to yourself bc it makes you feel some kind of self-worth/stability somehow. Realize that it hurts you more than it helps you, you’re fickle sometimes. Learn something from your opposite sign-- Capricorn or Taurus even, might help you realize how to be self-sufficient and ground yourself better as well. 

If you can’t ground yourself reach out for people who can ground you. But watch-- that you aren’t manipulating/pushing them into your self-destructive tendencies because you tend to hide behind a cloak of your own habits/behaviours (’its ok’) in order to hide your inner turmoil/problems y know?

You hav a problem with that...with taking things to extreme between ‘having control >:( Everything is fine I have control!!’ and then ‘im spiralling completely into deep Suffering/Despair’  --- you rely on your intuition and emotions so much that it dictates your life/health as well, notice that it fuels obsession, paranoia or bad habits within you. Learn how to ground yourself as well.

Honestly? I’d recommend jus going into celibacy for moment or going into the wilderlife/forest alone. You can benefit a lot from learning how to feel comfortable being isolated and happy without being lonely (alone =/= lonely) -- away from your fear/insecurities of not connecting/being with those around you all the time.

You’re amazingly tenderhearted, automatically wants to help when things are inhumane. Your authenticity shines through best when you react instinctively, yet you often try to guard this side of you. 

Most likely putting on a nonchalance, uncaring or brutish behaviour of Aries (or Libra depending on how you are: soothing and more understanding-- but emotionally detached in lure of ‘fairness’)

Let yourself shine through-- because this is only going to make you feel more isolated/alone even more. You have a deep fear of -- well, everything aside from spirituality + emotionality. Because your fears are vast and hard to define, you guard yourself against everything. Becoming stagnant/wanting to control and being stubborn-headed in your own behaviour

Again--- learning how to be comfortable and at peace with yourself truthfully will help you with this. The idea of walking into a sanctuary or a forest and learning how to put your physicality (learning how to survive on your own/doing activities that requires you being alone) will help. 

Learning that in conjunction to also not crying alone will shift your habit a little. And maybe it’s for the better that you don’t take things too hard on yourself.

Anxiety may be prone (amplified by Pisces Moon) -- listen, not everything is something you can control. And you did your best, even if you felt like that’s the problem (that it wasn’t enough) you did your best so get up and do better 

Instead of giving up on yourself, push yourself to achieve the ‘dream goal/success’ you desire. Think Scorpio, and their ability to narrow their eyes, shut down their emotions and just get to it.

Learning how to find your own self-worth away from people will be hard, but it’s do-able. Self-acceptance and self-love is also hard. But you can do it, as long as you don’t take any minor/major inconvenience as a threat to your stability all the time.

Learn to take a challenge and work up to overcoming it, regardless of how many missteps you took along the way. Your emotionality + spirituality fulfillment will still be there at the biggest factor in your life, but learning how to balance it out with solid practicality and success/achievement in yourself will help alot too. 

Don’t be scared to dream big, or find a simple need to be accomplished/successful in the material field as well. You deserve to experience what it’s like to be stable, but to do that you have to stop pushing/being scared of ‘typical ambitions’ away from you all the time in order to inflate your otherwise finicky ego, ok? 💕  

Self-discipline will come as you balance, you’ll learn it the hard way but it’ll be worth it to you.  

Cancer/Pisces may be prone to self-deception (Pisces) and escapism, often hiding your true self behind a wall of characters/roles you play. You can often link yourself deeply to others for grounding and inspiration (receptive) -- but because you place so much importance on your worth being related to others all the time. 

You suffer from over-exaggerating part of yourself to appeal to others (and inflate your own ego) whilst vehemently denying part of you (‘truly’ you) as well. 

Learn how to teach yourself how to be self-motivated, how to be self-sufficient and independent regardless of others around you. That’s a better ‘guard’ than it is to guard your emotions from getting hurt/not accepting part of you right? 

I hope this helps!! 💕💕💕 Good luckkk! 💕