#love the little and inconsequential insights we get into them ^_^

[day-mark]

obsessed with dteam and how each of them name their cats

dream: smokey, muffin(considered), patches, peanut

sapnap: milo, naomi, However, let it be known his first thought was ryuk/anime characters and only didnt because someone told him it was cringe

george: luka

[gettingfrilly]

Let's talk about Eddy and empathy

Okay, so. Hand-me-down Ed.

Lotta people talk about this episode. Lotta them have the take that the boomerang unleashed Eddy's repressed nurturing side. This is a very valid interpretation when you consider the abuse Eddy has endured and all the reasons he has to repress any nurture-type feelings. But here is the thing that I think. Or don't think. I don't think Eddy represses a secret nurturing side. I think it got repressed by outside forces when he was young and squishy and moldable, and now there's not really a whole lot of nurturing in there left for him to repress himself. I truly believe the intent of the episode was to show the Eds being the opposite of who they truly are. And Eddy, truly, in my opinion, is an incredibly traumatized kid with some really unfortunate learned behaviors and underdeveloped empathy muscles that just aren't gonna fully recover.

There are two episodes I wanna talk about to back up my claim.

Ah, Dueling Eds. Who doesn't like Dueling Eds? I certainly consider it one of my favorite episodes. It's a surprisingly serious episode with a genuine look at how Eddy navigates the consequences of hurting someone. That long silence in the van with Double D? His continuing insistence that he didn't do anything? Continually asking throughout the whole episode what the hell is even going on? Mwah. Chef's kiss. I've seen a few different theories for what's going on with Eddy in this episode, but I've always felt that he genuinely has no idea what he did, why everyone's acting the way they are, and is incredibly fucking frustrated by how little sense the whole situation is makes. He knows it has to do with the fishball; he even brings it up himself when he's talking about the incident with Double D later. But he doesn't understand why that was wrong. He doesn't get how something so inconsequential in his own mind could be so hurtful to Rolf, and he is either incapable of, or refuses to acknowledge, that just because it wasn't a big deal to him, doesn't mean it can't be a big deal to someone else. (We call this ~theory of mind~ btw and it's a big component of empathy.)

Another favorite of mine, Little Ed Blue. I've talked about this scene before because I love it for a lot of reasons, and one of those reasons is the insight we get into how Eddy's emotions have probably been addressed by those around him in the past. I mean, jeez, this is Ed! He's one of Eddy's most important people! A true and dear friend he's had since he was a toddler and one of the few people in the world who outwardly likes him and gets along with him. And what does he do when Ed's having a bad day? Calls him a wuss, laughs at him, invalidates his feelings, and tells him to get over himself. This is some grade fucking A asshole behavior, even for Eddy. And yet he does it easily without a shred of guilt, convinced this is the correct way to address a friend who's in the throes of misery. I mean, just look at this face.

Has Ed ever made a face like that? His feelings got fucking hurt man. (also, as a sibling, I can say that this is categorically the most Sibling moment between Eddy and Ed in the entire show.)

IMO, someone with a repressed nurturing side wouldn't be that baffled by how Rolf is reacting or be that cruel to their own best friend. This looks more like someone who genuinely has a low amount of empathy. So what's actually going on? Do I think Eddy is just some cold, uncaring asshole? Of course not! He's a traumatized 12 year old kid who's endured intense physical abuse. Cruelty was normalized for Eddy at a very young age. Why should Rolf be so upset about a fishball? It's not like Eddy beat him or something. And what's Ed got to be so miserable about? Men shouldn't act like wusses. Men are supposed to just get over it. And how could Eddy be wrong for thinking these things? It's what he was taught, after all. He learned these behaviors from his hero, after all. This is all he knows. This is what makes sense to him. It's Rolf and Ed who are being ridiculous.

That kind of stunted growth to someone's empathy isn't something so easily fixed. This is why I don't headcanon or write a more grown up Eddy as someone who learns he doesn't have to repress his nurturing side anymore; I see him as someone who's learned that nurturing and empathy are part of the whole "having friends" deal. He's learned that nurturing and empathy are what's considered normal, learned that it's what's expected of any decent human being, man or not. He's also learned, a la BPS, that you have to be a good friend to have good friends. It doesn't come naturally to him. It's gonna take a lot of hard work and growth on his part. But even if Eddy doesn't always understand why he needs to be gentler, needs to just listen, needs to offer a shoulder to cry on, that doesn't mean he won't do it for the sake of his friends. Because even if empathy ain't his strong suit, even if being empathetic is hard fucking work, he still genuinely and wholeheartedly cares about his friends and cares about doing right by them.

[i-heart-hxh]

@lauretra replied with this and I thought it was interesting/worth discussing, so here you all go! I don't want to be the kind of person who just ignores things that don't fit my own narrative/preferences, so let's talk about it!

I had forgotten about this panel, and I checked the Japanese version just in case and Noko is indeed mentioned there, too. I appreciate you pointing it out, because it does change things slightly that she was mentioned so much later in the series as well.

I think the insight about setting characters up with names and keeping them in play in case he wants to use them later is very apt and accurate about his writing, and it's a great technique. You're very right about him using it before, continuing to have little mentions or reminders of a character who later becomes important.

My main argument against him still using Noko as Gon's love interest in the other scenarios is that because he disclosed this ending, to me that's a pretty strong signal he likely won't re-use any parts of it. From a writer's perspective, if I knew I was going to have a character marry another character in the end, and I needed to spill a rejected ending for some reason, I would definitely leave out any detail that I do plan to use later, and especially something as special as who the main character will ultimately end up with. Because you don't want your audience to reach the end and be like, "Oh, you already told us that... Huh... Why did you tell us this before it happened? I thought you rejected that?" It just goes against the conventional grain of storytelling, and, as unconventional as Togashi can be, this is more just like...common sense than something likely to be subverted.

Togashi seems to me like he's someone who places special priority on keeping his audience surprised (as well as keeping himself from getting bored), so I think that lowers the likelihood of him re-using things from a rejected ending that he made public even further.

But as usual with all of this, anything is possible. Maybe he has always planned to use Noko as Gon's love interest and still does. Maybe it was a thought he had but scrapped altogether and it's not part of the alternative scenarios. Maybe he has some other plan for Noko in mind later in the series, or maybe she'll just be an inconsequential background character forever. We can't know, but it's worth considering and thinking about.

As much as it's a little worrying, I appreciate you pointing it out! I hope my reply is at least a bit reassuring even if I can't provide any concrete answers of course.

[letsrearise]

Season one retrospective part II: Michi

Hightlighting all the relevant Michi characterization in season one!

The basics of Michi.

If there’s one word to describe Michi, it’d be impulsive. Herissmon and Player Character (PC) meet her upon coming out of the station because she loudly approaches them, drawn by the novel sight of Herissmon. For better and for worse, she’s the kind to always wear her heart in her sleeve—and to decide based on her emotions; after all, she does try to argue with Kuwagamon out of genuine offense at its ungratefulness. And to down in a gulp all the cocoa she ordered before having to deal with the Digital Point, she just couldn't leave it behind! And she does form an instant, strong dislike to Takumi due his condescending manners. And so on. No matter the situation, Michi allows her heart to speak and act for her.

Michi is a fun character to follow. Her forwardness and impulsivity make her both goofy and charming. She’s good to keep things from being stagnant— let’s remember the first library incident where the PC and Herissmon end up trapped in the digital point does happen because she wanted to check an urban legend. Her love for the occult adds a fun texture to her character.

Tailmon’s debut.

Speaking of, Michi’s fear of ghost is pretty goofy. She likes weird, novel creatures, but not when they might be the dead. I’m not too fond of her adult evolution act since it can feel underwhelming as a trigger for Tailmon’s debut, especially coming at the tails of her staking her pride in training hard to get Plotmon to evolve and getting the promise it’d come when the time is right in return—just what makes the silliness of act 09 more fitting is beyond me. It’s also not entirely true that training is ineffectual as a path towards evolution, but that’s a topic for later.

Still, Michi not being able to be upfront about her fear of ghosts and not wanting to hunt for them but still tagging along because the others want to do it makes for some funny bits. It’s partly the pride speaking, so even when Plotmon is messing with her, she still doesn’t fess up. Her being prideful is a trait we don’t get to see much in season 1, but the fact it’s properly established makes it fun when it comes back in season two.

Plotmon takes the teasing too far—they both take the banter and the embarrassing each other too far. It’s not entirely unenjoyable since it’s all pretty childish and serves to show how well they mesh together and know each other. At the end of the day, they are each other’s best friend. The fact that they’re pretty alike, despite Plotmon being more often than not Michi’s straight-man, also gets some nice mileage during season two, so I can’t entirely discount this act. I only wish it didn’t spin its wheels so much.

Some other highlights.

Some other stray moments that are Michi hightlights are when, during act 13, she’s the first one to point out SkullGreymon is in pain. It’s such a small moment, it’d almost feel inconsequential to point out, but we do get important moments based on this in season two, so it’s always delightful to see how consistent her characterization is.

Another noteworthy moment is when she gives advice to Takumi in act 19 regarding what partnership is about—“two working as one”. That partnership is about working together is not exactly a shocking revelation, but it’s a fitting insight for her to offer Takumi, who’s often very caught on his ideals of strength and independence to be truly considerate to his partner. Michi knows that, so she offers her little wisdom nugget. She can be genuinely keen and insightful due her focus in emotions as much as she can be a brash clown. This, too, gets expanded later on.

Setting the tone for the future (act 21).

I was initially irritated at this act, to the point of thinking season 2 does pretty much every idea in it better. The emotional core of it is about Michi feeling guilty over running her mouth, with the expected reassurances about how her candid passion and optimism often push the Tamers forward. While it’s true she bats hard for fighting the Spirals as a remedy to Herissmon’s situation, the lack of any real alternative made the guilt ring hollow at first. It is a Digimon story, after all. What other solution is the conflict gonna have other than to punch it out? However, after revisiting it, I felt that more than being the definitive take on Michi’s flaws, it was a nice way to establish more subtle characterization for her.

It’s not a suprise that Michi’s high emotivity and impulsiveness can lead her to be thoughtless. To act 20’s credit, the route the narrative takes has more depth than simply having Michi say something wrong or hurtful in the heat of the moment and then having to apologize. During the Tamers initial reunion at Truffle discussing Herissmon’s situation, the straightforward answer is to simply get rid of the Spirals that are affecting Herissmon’s condition. It’s not really a foolish idea given that’s pretty much all they’ve been doing so far. Michi shows herself enthusiastic about it, since it’s a clear and easy answer to deal with the situation that doesn’t involve sitting too tightly with uncomfortable emotions such as uncertainty, worry and sadness, nor contemplating all the ways it could not work, as Keito does.

You’d be excused to think it’s simply Michi being positive— she is, after all. And there’s nothing wrong to being positive, is there? However, Michi often interrupts Keito’s musings in favor of pushing them to act. When pressed about the possibility of Herissmon rampaging again, she hand waves it by saying the PC can just call out to Herissmon and snap them out of it. How fitting it is that it’s the act when that doesn’t work. It’s fair to say it’s intentional to show she’s trying Very Hard not to engage in any sort of “negativity” present. With Herissmon’s doubts and worries at an all-time high, they don’t want to risk being a burden. If Michi wants to go, then Herissmon will follow. It makes for better character work than I initially gave it credit for. Michi’s forceful positivity being hurtful because she doesn’t like dealing with difficult emotions, which has the unintended effect of pressuring Herissmon into not expressing them, is a good beat. Her brand of avoidance coping making her compelled to prefer things that feel “right” will form the cornerstone by which her arc in season two will unfold.

Naturally, season one doesn’t really dwell on this trait. It solves things neatly with Michi noticing how her thoughtlessness pushed Herissmon too hard. It makes sense she’s able to realize her mistake and apologize since, while she does often get swept in her own selfish impulses, she’s quick to take on external input and is legitimately perceptive, in her own instinctual way. She also loves Herissmon, so there’s no reason for this conflict to last longer than it does. But I still much prefer season two’s willingness to have her hit a wall and really grapple with it without offering an immediate balm. All in, while held back by the basic scenario writing, this act still sets up the material her season-two writing will expand on quite nicely.

[itsclydebitches]

I’ve had a bit of time to sit with the Doctor Who: Flux finale and despite technically getting all those plot threads wrapped up, despite it all (mostly) making sense, despite some wonderful, individual moments that I’ll be re-watching on YouTube… I’m overall feeling underwhelmed with the miniseries. And I think a lot of that has to do with how the companions were treated.

First, I’m not going to pretend that I wasn’t disappointed at Yaz and the Doctor not getting a six-episode adventure together; them and only them. Still, I really enjoy Dan and was eager to see how he fit into the Doctor and Yaz’s long-standing dynamic. Problem is, we kind of didn’t get to see that. Dan is introduced through the museum, his maybe-romance with Diane, the food bank, and his empty home. When he’s whisked off on an adventure, it’s through the actions of Karvanista, not the Doctor, and I was immediately invested in their banter-heavy relationship. Meaning, I wasn’t necessarily eager for the Doctor to ‘save’ him and end those interactions. But Yaz arrives and they have a very short get-to-know-you scene. Dan’s introduction to the Doctor is even shorter as they have a classic, “Run for your life!” moment. Then Dan is almost immediately separated and spends the majority of the next episode with his parents (who we never see again) before hanging in the background while the temple stuff happens. He gets a lot of character work in his flashbacks and a little in the angel village, but little of that explores how he fits in with the Doctor and Yaz. One of the three is always separated from the others, or bonding with Yaz is happening off screen, or Dan isn’t even himself in the Doctor’s memories. We were four episodes into a six episode story and I was still waiting for the new TARDIS team to sync up, to get something more than brief interactions where Dan feels like the awkward third wheel.

And then “Survivors of the Flux” happened.

Three years pass. Honestly, it felt like a cop-out. Yes, we have some moments of the trio interacting, but none of it felt substantial to me. Then, suddenly, it’s three years later for Yaz and Dan. Doctor Who is known for having characters suffer through long periods of separation when timelines diverge, but that’s not usually used as a way of skipping over companion development. Rather than Dan and Yaz really getting to know one another through (non-interrupted) adventures, we jump straight to three years later when they’re all but family. Rather than Dan getting used to the Doctor’s particular brand of craziness, we jump to him, presumably, already used to it thanks to this three year mission on the Doctor’s orders. Arguably the most important part of his introduction—seeing those initial adventures where everyone in the TARDIS survives together—was lost. Pieces of it exist, but it’s overshadowed by an overly complex plot.

Yaz doesn’t fair much better. Don’t get me wrong, I love her interaction with the Doctor’s hologram and their moment in the finale (the Doctor’s apology was particularly important to me), but it felt like Yaz had little to do other than continually try to get back to the Doctor, which is an arc we already saw during the Doctor’s imprisonment. Did we learn anything about Yaz this season? Did she grow? Find new motivations? Discover new goals? Did these episodes provide any insight into her character that we haven’t gotten before? Yaz felt static to me, as competent and devoted as she was in Season 12, and the few moments where the focus is on her? It’s for weird lines like how no one calls these video games anymore. (Of course they do…)

Part of this is down to character bloat. There was too much going on in Flux for the series to satisfyingly cover it all, let alone give these monumental events some decent reflection. Characters, while wonderfully embodied by their actors, become fairly inconsequential in how quickly they come and go. The Professor becomes a brief, surprise companion before he’s killed off. We have two villains given very little exploration because there’s suddenly another antagonist in the form of Tecteun. But before we can grapple with her contradictory motivations, she’s killed off too. Diane is seemingly captured just so she can very briefly help Vinder. Vinder is there because… he just is. Which means that Bel is involved in all this only because she’s looking for him. And Claire, while much more significant to the main plot, felt like she was there primarily to act as a sounding board for the Doctor’s techno-babble. As much as I enjoyed them all individually—Bel, Karvanista, and the Professor in particular—you could strip them from the larger story with few complications and their involvement means there was less and less time to develop Yaz, or to develop Dan with his new team.I kept thinking to myself, “Why can’t this task/line/revelation/etc. go to one of them?”

It’s not just down to character bloat though. Flux suffers from one of my least favorite trends in Doctor Who lately: making it all about the Doctor. Admittedly, that sounds a bit ridiculous and I’ve frequently come across posts laughing at any fans who say as much. It’s Doctor Who, after all. What do you expect? And yeah, the Doctor is obviously our central character, but I don’t think that’s the same thing as making the show about her. It should be about the companions, the characters who we, the audience, identify with and get to vicariously experience adventure through. This is a big claim that needs its own essay, I know, but suffice to say New Who used to characterize the Doctor as a nobody alien who stole a TARDIS and devoted herself to a lifetime of excitement. Just a madman with a box. And yeah, we know the Doctor is amazing and talented and brilliant and every other complimentary descriptor we could throw out, but whenever the show started to sink too deep into reveling in that, it would pull back through the Doctor’s amazement at humanity. A shop girl looks into the heart of the TARDIS to save the man she loves. Temps can find hope even in the fiery destruction of Pompeii. A different kind of doctor becomes The Woman Who Walked The Earth. These stories used to be about how average people discovery how extraordinary they are by traveling with the Doctor. They’re all nobodies exploring the universe together, but the whole point is that no one in the universe is actually a nobody. “You know that in nine hundred years of time and space I've never met anybody who wasn't important before.” Everybody is special and therefore no one is special-special. Definitely not the Doctor.

The Moffat era lost me in its depiction of the Doctor as not just entertainingly confident—frequently crossing over into arrogant—but actually The Best Person Ever, with companions now starting out, or having always been, special or mysterious in some way, rather than them discovering that their current, “boring” self was amazing all along. Though I’ve enjoyed the Chibnall era more than Moffat’s, Flux specifically suffers from this. Building off of the Timeless Child arc, it’s not a story about the companions, but rather about how insanely important the Doctor is. She’s not just a Time Lord anymore, already a member of one of the most powerful and revered species, she’s an oh so mysterious entity from some far-off universe. She’s not just someone with mysterious origins, she’s the original carrier of regeneration. Her existence made the Time Lords everything they are, giving them the tool that most defines their success and sense of superiority. As the Master seethes, they’re all here and living these lives in part because of her. As if that’s not enough, we push aside the established Flux villains to instead focus on how the Doctor’s mother is the real villain here. Who runs the all important Division? The Doctor’s mom. What does the Division do? Apparently, anything and everything it pleases. This isn’t a shady organization with a specific goal, it’s a badly developed super-enemy that has a finger in all the universe’s pies. The most important evil organization of all important evil organizations. And just as you’re getting your head around all that, we learn that the universe-ending threat is only here because of the Doctor. She was the singular target that sparked the Flux.

To be frank, I can’t connect with that. It’s too much specialness packed into one person; too much insistence that the Doctor is naturally overflowing with mystery and power and significance, rather than her choosing to make her mark on the universe through acts of good will. I can easily buy all the major villains having a personal beef with the Doctor because we’ve spent literal decades showing the viewer all the ways in which she’s thwarted their plans. That’s a part of her mark. But Flux doesn’t even give us a satisfactory answer for why the Ravagers are hell-bent on torturing her. That answer is locked behind missing memories that the Doctor has now dropped down into the TARDIS.

And when you’re spending your whole story exploring how special the Doctor is and how much trauma that’s dumped on her, you don’t have much time left to explore the people she wanted to take on adventures. Dan and Yaz felt like afterthoughts to me, there because the story has to have companions, not because Chibnall actually wanted to explore their impact on the tale. Oh, they helped. 100%. We could make a solid case that, as always, the day never would have been saved if not for humanity’s (and the Lupar’s) involvement. But the heart of this tale just wasn’t about them. From the Doctor lying to Yaz as she conducts her obsessive memory search, to the revelation that the Flux was made for her, this entire tale is about the Doctor, leaving everyone else to just tag along. Personally, I want to watch crazy sci-fi stories about those shop girls discovering their own worth, growing and helping people along the way, not the already special Doctor learning she’s even more special than anyone imagined. Especially when the plot is so jam-packed there’s almost no time to grapple with what that means for her character, let alone what it means for those traveling with her. A three year absence after we last saw Yaz falling down a self-destructive hole when the Doctor was gone a few months? A quick hug will fix that.

Doctor Who has always had an up-and-down quality to it and I by no means hated Flux, but it didn’t feel as much like Doctor Who as it could have. I’m looking forward to RTD’s return and I’m hoping that he’ll spark some of those old feelings in me. Not through cheaply reusing his characters—I definitely don’t want that—but rather through leaning into the importance of the companions and the more relatable aspects of the Doctor. I don’t need anyone in the cast to be The Most Special Person Ever. Media is already filled with protagonists like that. I want stories about average people—people like me, my family, my friends—who discover their strengths and, in the process, obliterate that gap between “Nobody human” and “Amazing space alien with a magical box,” showing that it never really existed in the first place. As a character, the Doctor always uplifts others and humbles herself (even when she’s talking up how good she is), but lately it feels like the stories surrounding her have forgotten that.

[mollythepathologist]

I will forever be bitter about how carelessly BBC Sherlock treats it’s characters, it’s female characters in particular. 

I by no means am trying to shit on Sherlock as a character and yes, I understand that the show is centered on Sherlock, that it’s about HIM, but good and well-developed side characters gives a show - a story, life and depth. I’m going to be speaking primarily about Molly in this instance, but many of the things I discuss apply to Lestrade, to Mrs. Hudson, and even John. 

We are exposed, again and again, to the raw nerve that is Sherlock Holmes. We are given insight to the fragility of his emotional state and the tenuous control he has over his instincts and compulsions. It’s not a particularly well done picture, but there is time dedicated to it and his development. 

Yet, when the people in his life are put through traumatic events, the focus on their thoughts, emotions, and coping mechanisms is brief if mentioned at all. 

For Molly, the most glaring example of this disregard is “The Reichenbach Fall” and “The Final Problem”.

Sherlock manipulates her into giving him access to her time/assistance, the lab and materials to help him solve his cases. It’s shitty, but the harm he does is mostly unconscious. He is aware that he’s manipulating her through compliments and flattery, but for a long while he’s not aware that she has feelings for him. He’s simply doing to her, what he would to anyone else who had access to what he wanted. Shitty, but not the worst thing. 

Moriarty, uses her affection as a weapon. He worms his way into her life, lies to her, violates her trust all to taunt Sherlock with the fact that he couldn’t see him. Even when he was standing right in front of him, he saw only what Moriarty wanted him to see. 

She’s never asked if she’s okay, if she feels safe - Sherlock never apologizes or acknowledges how Moriarty’s presence might have hurt her. How she was dragged into a dangerous game without her knowledge or consent because a criminal wanted to poke fun at him. This isn’t a dig at Sherlock, but a dig at the writing. 

They have her bring it up, have her bravely state that she broke up with him and treat it as if it were meant to be funny. They have Sherlock make a joke of it - a dig at a traumatic experience, because he needs her help and so of course her plans are of little consequence. 

Then we have the fall. Where Molly has a terrible task laid at her feet. She must help Sherlock Holmes fake his death. I’m not upset that she helped him, not at all, but I am upset that she faced zero repercussions for her part in it. 

She lied to her friends, she stood there as they grieved for a man they loved and she pretended to grieve with them. We’re not shown it, but we know it had to have happened and we know that Molly was close with the other characters. John is briefly angry, but they never talk about it. And of course, the toll took on her - the guilt and weight of that secret she had to keep for 2 years is inconsequential. It’s never mentioned the strain it put on her relationships. Nope, it’s fine. It totally tracks that Molly - sweet Molly, is capable of such a cruel and boldfaced lie. That she had no guilt or remorse for aiding in the painful grief of her friends

It infuriates me. 

THEN SHE TRIES TO MOVE ON. TRIES TO LET GO. 

And her feelings are made a joke again, with a Sherlock look-alike.  Her character becomes one of insight, of barely suppressed rage, and a woman always in love with a man who can not love her back. They make her say it, make her truly expose her heart and never follow up with what happened after. If she got closure, if she moved on, if after all those years he FINALLY saw what was in front of him. No, because they don’t give a single flying fuck about anyone but Sherlock. 

“But that’s not how we leave her. People need to learn to face their televisions, we see her later on– She gets over it! Surely at a certain point you have to figure out that after Sherlock escapes [he] tells her, “I’m really sorry about that, it was a code, I thought your flat was about to blow up.” And she says, “Oh well that’s okay then, you bastard.” And then they go back to normal, that’s what people do. I can’t see why you’d have to play that out. She forgives him, of course, and our newly grown-up Sherlock is more careful with her feelings in the future.” “In the end of that scene, she’s a bit wounded by it all, but he’s absolutely devastated. He smashes up the coffin, he’s in pieces. He’s more upset than she is, and that’s a huge step in Sherlock’s development. The question is: Did Sherlock survive that scene? She probably had a drink and went and shagged someone, I dunno. Molly was fine.” -Moffat

I don’t know what else to say to full describe what I mean when I say that Molly’s relationship with Sherlock Holmes is traumatic. That she gives and gives and is left mocked and ignored and broken at every turn. 

[beyondstupidityblog]

On March 13th 2021, two friends and I did what never could have imagined possible, I watched Freddy Got Fingered for the ninth time, and it will by no means be the last. I’m explaining this to you, dear reader, so you and I have an important understanding between us. You will be reading the ramblings of one whose brain has curdled like milk left out in the hot afternoon sun. Now that introductions are out of the way, let us begin.

Freddy Got Fingered is a 2001 Comedy starring and directed by Tom Green as the Non-Titular Gordon Brody; an aspiring animator who goes to California to realize his dream, only to be constantly crushed under the weight of his father’s expectations. Sounds tame at first, but what lies beneath the veneer of mediocrity is truly impressive. Completely bombed,  audiences hated it, and critics loathed it. Roger Ebert got angry, saying “it isn’t even below the bottom of the barrel” and “Green should be flipping burgers somewhere.”. “Tasteless”, “appalling”, “offensive”, “gross”, and “poo poo,” are just some of the things people have had to say about this film. Animal genitalia can be seen on screen for much longer than anyone could have expected, Tom Green swinging a baby akin to a morning-star with its umbilical cord, said umbilical cord being stolen and taped onto his stomach, gratuitous caning of a nymphomaniac paraplegic, and the dissection of a deer carcass. It is an abrasive experience that leaves a terrible taste in the mouths of those who mention it. Nonetheless, I love this movie. 

You ever see a contemporary art exhibit that has a piece that just looks like garbage somebody left out but in actuality is a tongue-and-cheek allusion to the pitiful state of modern art? That garbage is Freddy Got Fingered, and that exhibit is Hollywood. At face value it just seems like a poorly done film by a comedian trying to use his name to get a few butts in the seats before his irrelevancy arrives, but when scrutinized as a commentary of comedy films do the pieces start to fall into place. Tropes like the Protagonist being an unremarkable honkey, gross-out designed to get some cheap quick chuckles, side-characters who occupy the space solely for comedic relief, a shoe-horned romantic side-plot, and an equally as shoehorned in happy ending are all present in a mocking fashion. So many of these Hollywood schlockfests that this movie is paying homage to abuse tropes in some vain attempt to trick the audience into thinking they’re having a good time, when in reality it just reminds viewers of films that they’ve already watched before and could be enjoying instead. All of the awkward and uncomfortable scenes of gross-out and romance are purposeful, because nothing is quite as awkward and uncomfortable than a film disengaging the audience with its own mediocrity. “This is what it’s like to endure this trash!” Drunkenly screams Freddy Got Fingered atop the tallest piece of furniture in the room, while also exposing its genitals to keep you from getting too comfortable around it. Unlike the films it is parodying, its obsession with making a fool out of audiences rips them away from the comfort of the cinema, making them genuinely ask if it is worth wasting their time watching a film called Freddy Got Fingered. Even the title is an intentional slight, as it seems to be completely untethered to the actual plotline and is instead a reference to a seemingly inconsequential scene. But then again, that is the point of it all. Tom Green is an artist, and on his canvas is a portrait of Hollywood with all of the ugly little imperfections that cause a movie like this to be created. But this is just the meta-narrative of Freddy Got Fingered, something that you could find all over the internet. Why do I resonate with it so much, and what about it makes it so exceptional that led to this unhealthy fascination?

    Every instance that I’ve rewatched Freddy Got Fingered has always brought about a new side to it, and in the process leaves me craving for more. Gord is an interesting take on the average leading man. He is on the surface bland and inoffensive, made so in order to allow the majority of the audience to immediately identify with him, said group being 20-something skater guys with unrealistic expectations of themselves. Made especially ironic when after the introduction of Gord as an adept skateboarding rebel escaping from authority, he starts to show that in reality he is an unlikeable, bratty, entitled, and all around unpleasant person. Barely a scene passes before we see him masturbate a horse while exclaiming he is a farmer to his father who is not present, seemingly a crude gag but is in reality an insight into his low self worth caused by his imposter syndrome stemming from distant paternal relationship. I would like to remind you, dear reader, that I am still writing of Freddy Got Fingered, in case you were beginning to think I have lost my mind (The answer is yes by the way). All throughout the film Gordon Brody puts on masks for different situations, never allowing himself to be who he is. When infiltrating the Animation studio where he wishes to pitch his cartoons, he pretends to be a mailman to get past reception and then impersonates a police officer when the former stops being effective. Donning the visage of a British Bobby, he dashes into the restaurant where the man he is searching for, Mr. Wallace, is eating. Showing him his cartoons, Wallace is impressed with the potential they have, but says that they are incoherent and lack real substance. Upon rejection, Gord puts a pistol in his mouth before Wallace stops him and advises what he should do to improve. Gord was genuinely ready to blow his brains out the back of his skull if he wasn’t able to get his show greenlit, and it hit me in that moment that he isn’t just some random jackass, but a victim of detrimentally low self-esteem.

The origins of his complex are made apparent when he goes back home to Oregon and are reintroduced to his Family. We see that his father Jim, played by Rip Torn, is disappointed in his return and begins to sneer at him for his failure. This father and son dynamic always has tension in every scene from this point onwards. Gord, who just wants to be accepted for who he is and not judged by what the world expects him to be, is always at the receiving end of Jim’s wrath, who values his idea of a successful life over the happiness of his sons. From here it becomes little wonder why Gord is the way he is, all his life he was told that who he was is not good enough, he has to be what his father wants if he is to be considered worthy of not only love, but being treated with a modicum of dignity. Whenever Gord acts eccentric or divulges his interests to his father, they are met with either resentment supplemented by verbal assault, or physical violence. After a late-night skateboard outing to escape from his father’s wrath goes awry, he visits his convalescing friend in the hospital, whereupon he meets one of the more interesting characters in relation to Gord, the love interest Betty.   

A horny wheelchair bound temptress may not seem like it upon first glance, but Betty is actually the most interesting character out of the entire cast. She feels genuine, introduced as a bored receptionist flipping a coffee creamer idly. Gord immediately strikes up a conversation, whereupon he and the audience find out she has an interest in physics, and apparently an interest in him as well. Betty is strangely well written for what most considered at the time to be a crass sexual joke, so much so that she would actually be a better protagonist than him. She is everything Gord is not, she’s smart, funny, ambitious, and  kind to a fault. Even her side plot to create a rocket powered wheelchair makes for a much more unique plot than the one given. Even Gord reciprocates this sentiment in their meeting, lying that he is a stockbroker in an attempt to impress her. In fact, sectioning her off as just the dull protagonist's love interest is a jab at how women in these movies are only there to serve in the development for the male protagonist, just nothing more than their muse. Nonetheless, without this relationship the movie would lose a lot of its soul. Romantic chemistry in comedy films is always hit or miss, but Gord and Betty do seem to have it surprisingly. They’re both silly and impulsive, creatively driven to a fault, but just different enough to eek out the best and worst in them. Gord  thinks that what he wants to do with his life is wasteful, but Betty doesn’t. Now I don’t mean that she directly affirms that he is worthwhile like most poorly written love interests would, stroking their lover’s(and by extension the director’s) ego, rather she confronts him with her optimism. He asks if she would feel stupid and like a loser if her experiment failed. Taken aback at first, she questions why she would, relaying that her failures are just as important as her successes. Gord’s self-worth is directly tied to his ability to succeed, whereas Betty doesn’t need this affirmation. Their dialogue further cements how detrimental his father’s overbearingness was to his outlook, and how he is slowly beginning to realize how destructive that mindset is. 

At their dinner date, Jim sees Gord and Betty across the restaurant, then reveals that Gord was lying to both him and her about his office job while poking fun at her disability, leading to a father-son scuffle that throws the entire floor into utter chaos. Cops show up, Gord and Jim are detained, and Betty bails Gord out. Most mediocre comedies at this point would have the love interest be upset that her significant other lied to her, leading to him having to make things right to repair their relationship before the happy ending. Breaking the mold, Betty does not get angry with Gord even a smidgen, choosing to be understanding of his situation now that she caught a glimpse into his home-life. She just plain likes Gord, willing to put up with him more than she really should, but still chooses to look past his lies and self-destructive nature for who he truly is, someone who just wants to be accepted by the world around him. Someone just like her.

Right after that enaction of social terrorism performed by the Brody father and son duo, they decide it would be best to go to family therapy and assail the audience with what I fondly refer to it as, “The Scene.” “The Scene” is Freddy Got Fingered’s statement to the world, it is what instills a man with the impetus to rewatch a glorified stoner daydream for the ninth time and leave him wanting more! Gord accuses his father, in a final act of defiance, of molesting his younger brother Freddy. During the ensuing confusion Gord picks up a bust of Sigmund Freud and throws it into the glass window pane, allowing him to escape into the evening sun. The authorities take Freddy away and send him to The Home for Molested Children, and the family slowly unravels from then on. Besides the heavy handed metaphor of Freud’s theories being used as a way for Gord to escape his predicament while simultaneously discrediting them, “The Scene” also recontextualizes Freddy, innocuous of a character as he is, as Gord’s foil. He is in the movie very little but when he is it is to serve one of two purposes: To be compared to Gord, or to be treated as an object. During breakfast much earlier in the film after a fight between Gord and Jim, Freddy tries to explain to his brother that he should grow up. Gord, surprisingly, talks down to him and halts the conversation.

Gord: “He's driving me insane.”

Freddy: “No. No, you're driving him insane. You're older than me and you still live at home. I have a job, you know. I pay my own way.”

Gord: “You work in a bank. Should I be dazzled?”

Freddy: “Well, at least I don't live at home!”

Gord: “No, you live in a tiny shithole and you come here to eat for free.”

With these lines it is plain to see that despite Freddy’s idea of success directly lining up with his father’s, he is even more pitiful than Gord. What little we know of him is to show that his acquiescence to his father’s expectations has left him bereft of not only genuine personal success, but of dignity itself. When child protective services come to take him away, he is half naked, mouth agape, watching open heart surgery on television, a palpable indication of emptiness. He isn’t treated as an adult either, as his protests to the police fall on deaf ears as both them and the psychologist infantilize him. Why would Tom Green name this movie after a character like Freddy, whose lack of presence and characterization make him little more than an afterthought when looking back on the story? Or did I just answer my own question? Freddy is not a character because he is not allowed to be one, he is just too passive and accepting of his circumstances for him to stand out. All he can be is a doll that Jim uses to dress up as the perfect son, and this passiveness leads to Gord, the “failure,” to both pity and resent what he let himself become. That’s why Gord accuses their father of molesting him, after all he does narratively violate Freddy’s autonomy by consistently making decisions for him. Evidently enough, as soon as Gord dons a suit for a quick bit Jim is elated because he believes that his son finally gave in to his demands for him to get a job, because he is acting more like his obedient brother. In this sense Freddy is the most tragic member of the Brody clan, a literal manchild whose growth was stunted by overbearing guardians. When I think of him, a bonsai tree comes to mind. Sure, it looks healthy, but when you realize that it could have grown into a much bigger plant if it were not for its small pot, that realization of wasted potential comes with a tinge of melancholy.

I want to end this essay with a moral that I took away from Freddy Got Fingered, as strange enough as that sounds, and what it has to say about art as a whole. Put simply, this is a story about revenge. Despite and because of his Father’s harsh ways, Gord managed to take from the trauma he sustained throughout his life and sublimated it into his animation. Creation not only lets him heal, but also acts as retaliation against Jim once he becomes successful. So long as you have the drive to prove everyone’s doubts and admonishments wrong by persevering out of wicked spite, you will have the last laugh. Freddy Got Fingered is a story about revenge through artistic expression, and I think that is quite beautiful.

[vr2]

haha anyways genshin must be on some wild fucking shit if they think theyre gonna try and drag out their main story for like 2 years. on god having like half a year between main chapters of its already weak spindly little story is like mindboggling decision i do not trust your storytelling skills at all to make any of the hype worth it but i also think thanks to the general playerbases inability to read they will continually feel disappointment at how poor genshins main story content is and how it is purveyed to the reader especially in comparison to the lore which is completely jarring in quality of delivery.

in the archon quest at the end of liyue chapter you get a lore dump from zhongli where he just stands there and gives you like 3 quest prompts about shit that exists for no reason other than idk “they needed to put the plot threads in there asap and they forgot they had an entire world to do it in” and then that mf disappears. forever. literally exiled from the overworld unless you pay like ninety quid to summon him on his banner. not to mention every single other npc you meet will never appear again outside of their instanced quests. it’s such a weird jarring end point that you’re left stranded in and its not only a frustratingly awkward delivery, it honestly just seems pointless. why couldn’t there have been an extended epilogue that involves talking to the npc character FROM inazuma, talking to beidou who is a pirate with an electro vision about idk ... travel and her ELECTRO vision being granted which is a feat she in known for in the lore of liyue folk. it could even be someone from the qixing like ningguang who surely would know about the status of foreign nations or keqing who has an electro vision and would absolutely have something to say about baal’s stance on things and her condescension towards humans. god it could still even be zhongli just space it out, let him invite us to dinner and chat over liyue cuisine and let inazuma come up naturally thgouh paimons huge appetite to eat new things. not only would the pacing be better, the plot threads be put in a way where you dont immediately forget them because they’re being rapidfire talked at you, but it would be a great way to make the character seem like theyre people with lives and not just trying to move the plot along and be on their way.

conversely, the story of arundolyn and rostam, the legends of mondstadt and the ordo favonius, the lion and the wolf, the building hints towards the cataclysm of khaenri’ah and what kind of nation earned the scorn of the gods -- its all slowly fed to you piece by piece linked through artifacts, world lore, in-game books, weapons and sometimes the world itself. you uncover things as you explore and the more thoroughly you explore - the more you discover! it’s rewarding, it feels natural and its some of the most fun you have piecing together stories and building out this strange world like some kinda anime historian and it encourages theorycrafting rather than a concrete set of events and characters being straightforward. its genuinely interesting that theres a whole society and cast of characters from the days of yore who are intimately connected with our current cast and the world we live in but also very much their own interesting characters who hold their own legacies and wills, carving them into the stars for ill or good.

its almost as if the main quest writers and the lore writers are completely separate, work on different floors and they dont ever meet because why ... why on earth would you deliver critical parts of the main story in such a blatantly poor way and make it have none of the nuance and intrigue as the worldbuilding? in a game that is designed for the express purpose of making people sympathetic and invested with characters to spend silly money on them? you think your paper thin story is going to let you do that? no gacha game is allowed to have storytelling subpar to the most average middle of the pack lightnovel and get away with being a gacha game. your story has to have at least a few moments where i am dazzled, daresay fucking delighted, at least a second where i have to stop and say ‘this is cool as hell’ or ‘FUCK ITS HAPPENING’ or else it is well and truly expendably worthless non-product! you have to be a little more ambitious than making some normie shit and try and make the story have a little heart! i dont doubt that they can do it, im sure there are talented writers there since i like a lot of the characterisations but man, let em free you need them no more than ever

the only thing i can think of that explains how watered down the story feels in comparison to lore, is a fear of making people ‘read too much’ in the main quests which honestly doesnt seem to be much of an issue to them. lanternrite wasnt that long but the sheer amount of npc dialogue feels staggering because its all ultimately ... inconsequential. we have no investment into these npcs and theres like 15 odd quests of it, it goes from cool world flavour text to genuinely feels like its taking up space all because they are trying to endear you to the lives of these generic npcs when you’d rather know like even one thing about chongyuns life and daily routine or xinyans performances. being able to see kaeya for one second even was the most fun and even then i was still disappointed cause its like bro? you didnt even let him do anything and it was JUST him? in the world there are so many characters explicitly referenced but never utilised and it makes their complete absence even more noticeable and frankly fucking baffling? not even fate episodes for all of our 12 SRs? actually nevermind, even the character stories are somehow unforgivably generic!

honestly i feel like the best event so far was the unreconciled stars event but by my standards it definitely felt like ‘solid gacha game event story’ with a touch of something more interesting with the inclusion of scaramouche’s lore insight. i was hoping this his how events would be in genshin, i really thought that this was the ‘standard’ but for some reason, its beginning to seem like that event was a bit of an outlier? i would gladly take less events and have them be more like the unreconciled stars event, with character interactions and slowly improving and hashing out who these characters are over never-ending carousel of random events that are mostly fetch-quests or fluff.

idk man its just a strange mess of me enjoying genshins world and theorycrafting, loving playing the game and exploring but feeling like the ball is not bein dropped but violently slammed into the ground by the sheer lack of character content whilst being praised by everyone under the sun for ‘story’ and ‘characters’. m*hoyo do better bitch! you already made such a good roster of characters now fuckin do something with them! stop releasing new characters without bothering with any of the existing ones! i beg of you!

[yandere-daydreams]

A Yandere!Toshinori/OC piece for the very lovely @evaesis​, as a follow-up to this oneshot. It’s always so refreshing to work with new quirks and powers, and it’s even more refreshing to use those new quirks and powers to beat up Endeavor. If only because I can, honestly.

Word Count: 3.5k

TW: NSFW, A/B/O Dynamics, Physical Violence, Non-Consensual Touching, Delusional Mindsets, Mentions of Kidnapping and Stolkholm Syndrome.

Kit didn’t care for Enji on the best of days.

It was a matter of contention, really, a difference in morals that proved to the fatal factor in their association. She understood his current rank, his effectiveness as a Hero, but Kit couldn’t help but shudder and bristle any time they were in the same room. Call it animal instinct, but she didn’t want to be near him, much less spend any elongated amount of time alone in his company. Not when she could help it. Not when she had Toshinori.

Needless to say, she wasn’t pleased to find him sitting in the living room when she woke up, pouring over case files with her mate sitting on the other side of a low coffee-table, talking about villains and statistics and all the logistics she never had an affinity for. Not angry, but unpleasantly surprised, a feeling that didn’t improve when Toshinori smiled and asked her to come sit with them, if only for a few minutes. He said she was a Pro, too. That her insight was important, and she should join them.

The ‘or I’ll put your quirk-canceling cuffs back on again’ was only implied. For her pride, she assumed.

And that was why she was now seated on a loveseat much too small, next to a man much too big and much too focused on the file in front of him, one he didn’t seem to notice was deemed inconsequential in their earlier discussion. If he noticed, though, Kit couldn’t tell, watching out of the corner of her eye as Enji tried to seem interested in anything except her. Toshinori had been gone for a minute or two, off to make tea and take a call from another detective who needed his assistance, leaving Kit to wallow in awkward silence to her heart’s content. She didn’t have a problem with it, not if she was being honest. As far as she was concerned, it was better than speaking to him.

Surprisingly, Enji was the one to break the tension. “How long will you be staying with Yagi?”

She grit her teeth. She’d never been kidnapped in the eyed of the public, her sudden disappearance masked as an extended medical leave, eventually becoming an early retirement as she accepted her situation, but the question still irked her. As if Enji had suggested she planned for her bond to be temporary. “We live together,” She said, her agitation poorly veiled. “I don’t plan on leaving, if I can help it.”

A nervous glance towards his file before he discarded it, an anxious rub to the back of his neck. He straightened his back, but there was nothing respectable about the long, silent second he took to scan over her, his eye lingering far longer than they should’ve. “And you’re happy with him?”

“He’s my mate.” It felt more like a declaration than a reason, not that she had a problem with announcing it. He had to right to know. “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

“Of course,” He muttered, his voice heavy with grudging acceptance. His continuation is nearly inaudible. “I can smell him all over you.”

Oh. Right. She crossed her legs, then uncrossed them, leaning against the arm of the loveseat. She’d almost forgotten about Enji’s… view of omegas, or at least the omegas he deemed worthy of his leering gaze. His divorce was recent, but his separation had been the topic of gossip for years, not that it made a dent on his oh-so-spotless reputation. There wasn’t much to talk about, not when the details were brushed under the rug as quickly as all of Enji’s other scandals. She’d already gone through extensive measures to keep her name from being added to that growing list. With this in mind, she refrained from indulging him with a response, her concentration soon dedicated to the swirling patterns dyed into the floorboards.

That didn’t stop Enji from going on, though. She wasn’t sure why she thought it would. “He’s getting older, you know. Retirement does strange things to Heroes, makes them…” He trailed off, rolling his wrist in some vague, abstract gesture, hinting at something she didn’t want to know. “Less attentive. They start to get distant, and before long, they’re throwing themselves into the newest public welfare project, or an up-and-coming charity. They try to keep themselves busy, even if they refuse to make a full-blown comeback.” Another pause, this one accompanied by a wayward glance. “Bonds don’t tend to last very long, under those conditions.”

Kit fought to keep her expression neutral, but her quirk betrayed her, tails curling and bristling as her ears flattened against her scalp, blending into a mess a snow-white hair. She wanted him to stop talking. “I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“You never do.” He moved an inch towards her, then another, stopping just short of her side. Instead, his hand came to occupy the space between them, forming a much-needed barrier. “I’d just be prepared for the eventuality. Yagi’s a… He’s a good man, of course, but it never hurts to have another plan. Just in case things don’t work out.”

Another inch, broad fingers soon resting on her exposed thigh. Exposed skin he shouldn’t have been touching.

“Just in case.”

She wasn’t sure what it was. His tone or the slight, professional frown ghosting over his lips, but something, something about the way he looked at her, spoke to her, touched her… It was bad, it was repulsive. She had a mate. She had a mate she was loyal to. Toshinori took care of her, and even after all she’d done to him, he loved her. Enji wasn’t her mate. Enji didn’t look after her. He had no right to say a word about her relationship, no one did. They didn’t know what Toshinori did for her, they didn’t know how little she deserved that kindness. Enji didn’t know, and neither did anyone else. They didn’t deserve to. They hadn’t earned it.

She almost didn’t know the rage building inside of her, more volatile than any she’d summoned during the heat of battle. That familiar warmth emanating from familiar flames, striking at her humanity until it gave way, melting her composure like wax just begging to be sculpted. It was a painless process. One moment, she was human, and she couldn’t imagine being any other way, and the next she was changing, shifting, turning into the monster she’d only seen on newscasts and blurry pictures in sketchy magazines, the uncontrolled beast she loathed having her name tied to. It didn’t feel wrong, though, not this time, it didn’t feel forced. She guessed it never did, in the moment.

The regret would come later. She’d be able to live with it, later.

Right now, it felt good to bare her teeth, to dig still-sprouting claws into the back of Enji’s hand and tear down, razor-sharp talons separating skin from muscle and making it impossible for him to pull away before she allowed him to do so. Instinct took over in a matter of seconds, consciousness becoming little more than a thick, gauzy haze pushed into the back of Kit’s mind, soon forced into submission by an array of reflexes and urges and desires, raw, primal desires. She felt the loveseat’s cushion tear under her feet as she reared back, now on four legs and more focused than her actions than their repercussions, a set of wide, vulpine jaws soon locked onto the first part of Enji she could see - his forearm. He could’ve avoided her easily, but he was in shock, too stunned to fight back, and her teeth had sunk through his flesh in a matter of seconds. Biting back a pained groan, a ball of flames burst to life in his free hand, the fire soon pressed against her side, forcing her to release him as the smell of burnt fur filled the air.

Abruptly, Enji was on his feet, clutching his injured arm to his chest, but Kit didn’t want him to go anywhere. Why did he get to leave? Why did he get to run away? She never got that choice. She never got to hide when things got hard and loud and violent. She didn’t see why Enji should, either.

She didn’t think. She just lunged at his chest, jaws open and aiming for his neck. In an effort to restrain her, large hands locked around her body, her muzzle, anything he could get a hold on, but the power of her attack still sent him stumbling backward. Suddenly, they were falling, time beginning to slow as Enji’s back hit the large, glass table decorating the center of the room. She’d forgotten about it, in her haste, but the damage was impossible to ignore, now, a stark crack knocking her out of her haze a moment before she could rip the man’s throat out. Her awareness returned quickly, flowing in like the sense of regret quickly overriding her vengeance, but it didn’t matter. Flying shards of glass and wood cut into her skin, some finding a place to root, some not. It didn’t matter. White fur was stained with a deep red in a matter of seconds, injuries made worse as Enji pried her limp body away from his, pitching her into the debris, something long and jagged finding its way into her thigh as she landed.

She didn’t try to get up, her energy sapped as thoroughly as her will to fight. Enji was still standing, though, panting and bleeding and marching towards her, heavy footsteps like gunshots to her ears. She considered standing, continuing on the fight despite her stolen strength, but what was he going to do? Maim her? Kill her?

She couldn’t say she wouldn’t like to see him try.

But, it was a fleeting hope. As Kit’s eyes closed, her vision having gone black around the edges ages ago, she heard a door open, a hitched breath, then yelling. So much yelling.

Enough to make her welcome sleep, as it drowned out her remaining senses.

~

She was sore, when she woke up.

It was an aching pain, the kind that needed too much rest and too little scarring for Kit’s taste, pulling a muffled, disgruntled grunt from her lips as she sat up. She wasn’t surprised to see the minimalistic furnishings of the master bedroom - Toshinori’s bedroom, although they shared it more often than not, these days. Glancing towards her chest, she found that she’d been stripped of what was left of her clothes, the tattered remains replaced with medical tape and gauze, each flex and flinch revealing some new bruise or cut she’d have to be wary of for the next few days. Weeks, more realistically, but she tried not to think about that.

Instead, she concentrated on the rustling in the next room over, movements poorly concealed in an attempt to not disturb the peace. She didn’t call out, choosing to bite the bullet rather than delay the inevitable. Swinging her legs off the bed, she made her way to the bathroom, finding Toshinori sitting on the edge of a tub too big to be considered anything but overly-luxurious. He turned as soon as she crossed the threshold, but chose to scan over her silently, testing the water before he spoke. Trying to see if she was still frenzied and feral. It was all she could do to smile, digging her nails into the doorframe unconsciously.

“I… I’m ready, if you want to get it over with,” She started, watching Toshinori’s expression carefully. He looked surprised, if anything, but it was understandable. It’d been months since she did something bad enough to warrant discipline. “The punishment, I mean, for attacking Endeavor.” She paused, averting her eyes, her voice barely audible when she continued. “I’m sorry. I really, really don’t want you to be mad at me.”

He frowned. Then, he laughed. “I’m not angry.”

Her lips parted, no sound coming out, but Toshinori only chuckled, gesturing for her to come closer. She obeyed without a second thought, a fully prepared bath coming into view, steam still rising off the top of the water. She didn’t have to be told what to do, stepping in and taking his hand, tugging him towards her when he showed no signs of following, a playful smile pulling at the corners of her lips. Toshinori relented without an argument, and a moment later, she was settled in his lap, her head resting against his chest as he idly traced the shape of a smaller wound, just to the left of her spine. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to, either. Her concern was palpable, whether or not she chose to voice it.

“You know about the security cameras,” Toshinori explained, kissing her shoulder between words. They were soft little things, as careful and as matriculate as she’d come to expect from Toshinori, but she melted into it, letting out a low, languid purr as his lips brushed over her mating mark, the bruised area still sensitive to the touch. “I saw what happened. Enji tested you, and you defended yourself. I can’t hold that against you, not when I wasn’t there to stop it.”

“I’m your mate,” She mumbled, the words little more than a hum. “I don’t want anybody else.”

“Of course.” Another kiss, this one longer, drawn out. She felt her ears perk up, standing on edge. Ready and waiting for any lingering sensation. A long finger trailed down her spine, and unconsciously, Kit bucked her kips against Toshinori’s thigh, the water abruptly becoming more of a menace than a helping hand. He chuckled, the sound muffled by their proximity.  “My loyal, beloved mate. My perfect mate. I couldn’t have asked for a better omega.”

Her response comes in the form of a whine, pitiful and high-pitched. They hadn’t been… they hadn’t been intimate since her heat ended, and although the memories were blurred and cloudy, only accessible through rose-colored glasses, but the desire was natural, the longing as instinctual as breathing. Without thinking, she ground against him, the tiny amount of friction rushing straight to her core, to her exposed, dripping cunt. Toshinori wasn’t oblivious to the atmosphere, either, something hard soon pressed against her pelvis, giving him away before those soft, light grunts slowly working their way through his lips ever had a chance to. Kit couldn’t help but laugh, nuzzling against him, his reactions filling her with a sense of confidence she’d come to miss. “My alpha.”

Nothing needed to be said. She pulled away, wrapping her arms around her neck and straddling him properly, only hovering above him for a moment before she sank onto his cock, trusting the hand resting on her hip to guide her. She moved slowly, taking her time to feel every ridge and curve and foreign sensation, all of it so much more vivid than it’d been, last time, so much more real. There was no rush to satisfaction, no need to race towards a climax, and she let herself savor it, slotting her chest against his and pulling him into a kiss. Slow and steady seemed to be the order of the night, but Kit was forced to pull away as she bottomed out, a handful of light, breathy pants interrupting the steady silence. Kit closed her eyes, attempting to adjust to his size, and Toshinori brought his hips up in short, shallow thrusts, getting her comfortable on his cock. It was a passing courtesy, though. When he leaned back, his eyes meeting hers expectantly, she knew what to do.

Experimentally, she ground downward, her pants quickly turning to whimpers as she began to roll her hips in earnest. It didn’t take her long to build up a rhythm, bouncing in Toshinori’s lap and targeting that special, spongy spot inside of her, the one that had her seeing white around the edges of her vision, the pursuit of her pleasure becoming an end that needed to be met. As she worked, Toshinori’s hands ran over her, starting at her waist and trailing up her sides, Kit shuddering despite the room’s nearly over-whelming heat. To say he groped would be a disgrace, it was too caring for such a casual name, too focused on her needs. Each knead was tentative, focused on drawing the longest whine from her throat or the loudest moan, heat rushing straight to her core with every movement, forcing her to arch her back and keen and melt in the palms of his hands, whether or not she wanted to. She wasn’t opposed, through, burying her face in the crook of his neck, if only to hide how flustered she’d become.

It was an invasive thought, at first. How smooth his skin was. How there wasn’t a mark where there was supposed to be. It took her a moment to realize why, and another to come to a resolution.

He didn’t have a mating mark.

She needed to fix that.

“T-Toshi’,” She stuttered, his name coming out shakily as he fucked into her, making up for her distraction with an erratic, enthusiastic pace, despite his disadvantage. Still, she forced herself to continue, not trusting her voice to hold out for much longer. “You’re not… I need to bond--”

He didn’t let her finish, kind enough not to make her explain herself. “It’d be my honor,” He muttered, wrapping his arms around her waist, drawing her closer. Her was the one to pull her in, this time, to kiss her so sweetly and so lightly, she almost wanted to deepen it, to turn the gesture from reassuring to intimate. She didn’t have time, though, not as Toshinori straightened his back, meeting her stare as he went on. “Are you sure, angel? You’re still injured, you might not be in the right mindset to do something so… permanent.”

“That’s why I want to do it,” She responded, unperturbed by his caution. Subconsciously, she ran her tongue over her canines, keen for an omega, but dull compared to Toshinori’s. Sharp enough to do the job, hopefully. “I don’t want to leave you, anymore. I want to be here. And… I want you to know I’ll be here, too. You can trust me, and I want you to know that. I’m done trying to run away.”

A sharp breath, followed by a hasty nod. That was all the permission she needed before picking a spot on that tender patch of skin and biting down. Blood, thick and warm, flowed over her tongue, but the metallic taste was blocked out quickly by the sudden rush of something euphoric into her veins, hormones flooding into her mind and blocking out everything else, pride and common sense included. It felt good, right, and briefly, Kit wondered why she hadn’t done it sooner. Had if felt this good for Toshinori? She wanted to dig her teeth in deeper, leave a bigger mark, make sure everyone knew he was claimed, he was bonded, he was hers. Hers, hers, hers.

Toshinori didn’t seem immune. It might’ve been the adrenaline rush or its accompanying emotions, but the next time he was fully sheathed inside of her, his hold on her waist tightened, keeping her in place as his cock twitched, singling his upcoming end. It couldn’t have come at a better time. Already, Kit felt herself tending up, that familiar heat rising to her skin as her toes curled and her nails dug into his shoulders, just in time to feel hot, burning cum stain her cunt as Toshinori pistoned his hips harshly, making sure she was filled to the brim.

Her strength didn’t last much longer, and soon, she was resting against his chest, her grip around her mate still iron-clad for minutes before she dared to let it loosen. Exhausted by both her injuries and her recent excursion, she hardly noticed as he took her into his arms, her body weightless for a moment or two as he carried her back into the bedroom, both uncaring that they were still soaking wet and dotted with open wounds. Toshinori left, for a short time, returning with towels and bandages and painkillers to be used generously the next time she woke up. Still, he didn’t waste time slotting himself into her arms, and she didn’t oppose the development, simply holding him closer and taking everything in, from the distant scent of herbs in the air to the feeling of silk against her back, welcoming and embracing.

Idly, she opened her eyes, running her fingers through damp blonde hair and letting him lull into her palm, but her attention soon fell to the ring of bruises forming at the crook of his neck, the shape of her teeth perfectly engrained on each blackened spot.

Kit couldn’t help but smile. He was hers, now, almost as much as she was his.

Her alpha.

[ramonadecember]

22 and/or 38 for the angst prompts

Angst Prompts or OTP Prompts

alright alright alright, I got the other message. I see you, I see you wanting cullistair. be kind, I haven’t written for them yet. this uh...... got a LOT longer than intended, and I was writing most of it in my phone notes, which is why this took forever. xD anyway... alistair and cullen as templar recruits together? you bet. (sorry there’s a lot of cute despite the angsty prompts)

22. “Which part of me wasn’t enough?” + 38. “Did you expect this to turn out better?”

--

It shouldn’t have been such a blow when it happened. Alistair even told him it’s what he wanted to do—what he was going to do—and Cullen had still fooled himself into thinking he had changed Alastair’s mind, that it was even possible to do so. Cullen’s belief likely had to do with the... moment that Alistair and him had shared only a few days earlier.

The two of them had come up as recruits together with the Templar’s, even if Alistair had a little bit of a jump start on him. In fact, that’s even what helped to bond them in the first place, with Cullen gravitating toward the kind boy about his age who seemed to know the ropes and who didn’t roll his eyes when a sword form was forgotten or mock when a stutter punctuated a canticle. 

That bond only grew over the next handful of years, and in a way neither necessarily anticipated. It turned out that while an ear to listen was nice, a fumble of mouths and hands when a moment alone could be spared was capable of offering just as much comfort. 

Cullen took things a step further once Alistair had declared his intentions of joining the Wardens. Alistair has been so excited, so hopeful as he recounted the opportunity to Cullen that he was near breathless with it. Cullen tried to be happy for him and he sat on the dread—the heartbreak, he’d later realize—over him leaving for days before he couldn’t stay silent any longer.

Once the opportunity presented itself, Cullen pulled Alistair aside and absolutely poured his feelings out. He’d never been one for eloquent speeches, but it got the point across, and that was, “I love you.” It was something that had been there between them for ages, an obvious thing really, but had been left unspoken until that moment. 

Alistair’s eyes went wide to hear it, and without so much as another look around, he crowded Cullen in, he kissed him long and slow, and when he pulled back it was only enough so he could spill his own confessions, telling Cullen he loved him too, that he loved every part of him.

Cullen rode that high through the next few days, and then came the realization like a punch to the gut. Alistair was still leaving. Somehow, Cullen had tricked himself into thinking his love would have been enough to stop the plan, and when he confronted Alistair about it, Alistair gave him the most distressed, heartbroken—pitying, Cullen had thought at the time—look.

And so Alistair went.

Cullen didn’t see him again for over a decade, even though news of Alistair always made it back to him. There was even the time in Kirkwall that Cullen heard there was a Grey Warden presence in the city, and very little investigation got him the specific names, but Cullen had made sure he was busy doing anything that would put him anywhere else other than where he might run into Alistair until he’d heard the Wardens had departed once more.

He was not at all prepared when Alistair rode into Skyhold alongside the Inquisitor and Hawke all those years later. It was harder for Cullen to be avoidant then, and his efforts to were noted by the other advisors with varying levels of curiosity, but still he tried. Alistair showed up at Cullen’s office all of his own accord anyway. 

Cullen didn’t even look up from his desk when someone entered until there was a quiet throat clear, and then He did a double take when his eyes raised to the smiling face of Alistair. Cullen’s heart leapt to his throat as he startled, fumbling with his reports and sending a few scattering. Alistair’s soft laughter did nothing to help Cullen’s coordination or the crimson painting his cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make a mess of things,” Alistair said, his tone light enough, his hold on the report he was handing back to Cullen lingering, keeping that small bit of connection.

Cullen told himself he’d gotten past it long ago, that if Alistair and him ever had a chance encounter he wouldn’t be like this, but still, “You have that habit though, don’t you?” came tumbling out of his mouth. The tight smile on his face held no warmth as he continued with, “Did you expect this to turn out better?”

Alistair released his hold on the report like it had burned him, like Cullen’s words had. It was the first time his own smile faltered. “That’s not fair.”

Cullen knew that, but rather than apologize, he waved it off, saying, “I’m a bit busy at the moment, perhaps we could do this another time.” And when Alistair only stood there and stared at him after the dismissal, “If you’ll excuse me, Warden.”

Alistair acquiesced for the time being, but he kept gravitating back to Cullen. Cullen would lying if he said it wasn’t difficult to maintain the frosty attitude, it was all too easy to fall back into that comfort that inherently came from being around Alistair.

It was slow going, but they did talk, even if there was one topic that went unspoken on, hanging heavy between them but remaining off limits. Coordinating on efforts regarding red lyrium and disappearing Wardens and anything else Alistair might have insight on helped to break the ice, but then Alistair would linger around after war room meetings or in Cullen’s office and conversations would turn to catching up on the years they’d spent apart, and then inevitably, with the bottle passed between them late one evening helping to loosen lips, the reminiscing began. 

Cullen swore he was still trying to work, but more often than not, his eyes followed Alistair as he picked about the office, toeing remaining rubble off to the side or scrutinizing the titles on the bookshelf, all the while recounting stories about their training days. His distraction only grew when Alistair perched himself on the edge of the desk next to the missive he was trying and failing to write, and he had to finally set his quill down to glare halfheartedly up at Alistair when he teased, “Your penmanship still leaves something to be desired. Is that why you never wrote back? Letter writing was never an area you excelled in.” 

It was supposed to be a joke, but Cullen’s face fell and he busied himself shuffling the papers on his desk. By this point, near everyone had given him an earful about how he needed to be better at return correspondence, as everyone from his own family members to Alistair had fallen victim to that shortcoming of his. Cullen tried not to think about the letters from the latter, letters which, for the longest time, the hurt in his stubborn heart hadn’t let him read when they’d arrived. 

When he did break down and read the letters, as few of them as they were and as far apart as they came, it was just as much of a mistake as Cullen thought it would be. The actual content of the letters was inconsequential, but Cullen could remember exactly which letter it was when Alistair stopped signing them with a simple ‘Yours.’

“Yes, well, some things never change,” Cullen said to keep himself from spiraling back into agonizing over just what that meant, as he had all that time ago.

“They really don’t…” For example, how Alistair felt about Cullen. He reached out slowly, taking Cullen’s chin in his hand to turn his face back up towards his, and when there was no protest, only Cullen blinking wide, golden eyes up at him, lips gently parting in surprise, Alistair leaned down and pressed his own to them. 

Cullen melted into the kiss but the moment Alistair tried to deepen it, he tore away with a hurried, “Wait—”

And so Alistair did. After all, he’d already waited this long.

“You left,” Cullen said. He shook his head when Alistair opened his mouth to speak. “Please, just let me get it out.” He didn’t know if his face was burning more from the kiss, or from forcing himself to finally talk about this. 

When Alistair nodded but stayed silent, Cullen went on. “You left. You told me you loved me, and then you left the Order, you left me.” It was definitely the talking now, what was deepening the flush. “And I spent… more time than I care to admit agonizing over that, telling myself it couldn’t have been true, always asking myself ‘what part of me wasn’t enough?’”

“Cullen…”

“I know. I know.” That wasn’t the case at all, and even though Cullen was slow to accept it, he had. What mattered more now was how much time had been wasted because of that thinking, how once Cullen realized how badly he’d screwed up, he didn’t know where to begin with fixing it—as if Alistair wouldn’t have faced down three more archdemons if it meant getting word to Cullen that all was forgiven, that none of that mattered.

“What I’m getting at,” Cullen began again, “is that when you leave next—” because it wasn’t a matter of if he would leave, he had to “—I don’t want it to be like that again. I want to be yours again.” 

“Maker, but I love you, Cullen.” Alistair took Cullen’s face in his hands. “Every part of you,” he confirmed, as he had so long ago. “Even the part that deluded you into thinking you ever wouldn’t be.” You could put a ten plus years and a continent between them, and still his whole heart would belong to Cullen, and Alistair almost considered telling him as much just to see if he could get the pink to spread all the way to the tips of Cullen’s ears, but he decided to spare him—for now.

This time when they kissed, Cullen didn’t push him away.

[digirankmybussiness]

What Actually is SEO Today?

Website improvement is a natural abbreviation that numerous organizations request yet not many comprehend.Our Digital Marketing course in Pune, gives deeper information about Digital Marketing course.

In its easiest structure, SEO is making content on the web that web crawlers are probably going to suggest.

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 Everything SEO we can manage today is 

1) answer inquiries with pleasing, centered substance, and 

2) get tenable, significant locales to connection to it. Individuals are searching for an answer, so web indexes reward the most fitting answers.

Previously, web crawlers weren't adequately brilliant to locate the most intelligent answers across the unstructured web, so they over-depended on catchphrases and other site labels for signs. Clearly, organizations discovered approaches to swindle.

Today, web indexes are shrewd and a lot harder (outlandish?) to swindle. You’ll get opportunity to enter into the IT world by Digital Marketing course.

Over the long haul and web indexes improve at setting, language translation, and purpose, the calculation stuff will be irrelevant to the normal business.

The solitary thing that will matter? Coordinated, quality substance.

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 Web indexes will discover it all over the place, get it, and serve it up. Here's my interpretation of SEO today. While there are less deceives and strategies than previously, there's still a great deal we can do to improve our internet searcher rankings.

1. On Page SEO:

Watchwords are out

I've been doing SEO for customers since 2004. I recall when catchphrases enormously affected pursuit positioning.

SEOs (individuals actualizing SEO, who were not called that in 2004) stuffed watchwords into titles, meta labels, and the initial two sentences of each passage. Some even filled their footers with white-on-white arrangements of watchwords (so people wouldn't see them yet web crawlers would).

These strategies worked until web crawlers began punishing it. SEOs would then mask catchphrases into text "normally," frequently making less-meaningful substance. This, as well, worked until web crawlers halted it.

Today, the majority of my customers actually consider "watchwords" when they hear "Web optimization." Google and other web crawlers, be that as it may, don't. They can comprehend complex subjects and points from more common (and harder to cheat) hints.

In the event that you need to rank for a particular theme today, compose/record/make great data about the point. On the off chance that your dermatology-centered substance merits appearing, web crawlers may show it whether somebody look "dermatology," "skin specialist," "skincare," or even "how might I look more youthful?"

Content center points are in

The present variant of catchphrases (something specialized to bump the web indexes) is the "content center." Content centers are content association models that make website design and substance chain of importance clear for internet searcher crawlers.

Content centers additionally help people. People really need content association to discover data more than PCs do!

Center models split substance into pieces by point, so every theme gets a remarkable greeting page and URL. Web crawlers love this, since they'd preferably give a connection straightforwardly to an answer. They don't need the searcher to click anything extra or even read through a superfluous section to find their solution.

2. Off-site SEO

Indexes and nasty backlinks are out

Gone are the days when we could get recorded on index destinations, drop our connection in remarks, or even exchange joins with other eager for seo sites.

Today, if a connect to your site comes from a not exactly trustworthy or inconsequential site, it very well might be comparable to no connection by any stretch of the imagination.

Besides, sites and distributions with a great deal of active connections utilize the "rel=nofollow" trait liberally nowadays. Bigger locales use them to debilitate things like malicious blog remarks (with a connection stuffed in).

Connections from legitimate sources are in

All things being equal, center around joins from destinations that are characteristic and applicable to your site. The better the alluding site, the better it is for your SEO, however first it must be both regular and pertinent.

By and by, web indexes have gotten keen enough to all the more precisely get on these quality signs.

On the off chance that other site writers, particularly those with enormous crowds, connection to your substance in related substance they compose, it's evidence that your substance upgrades the data, and it's conceivable comparative or better quality.

There's not actually an approach to swindle this, which is the reason it's a decent framework. To get respectable sources to connection to your substance, it simply must be adequate.

100% Job to our students with Best Digital Marketing Course.

What's left on the specialized SEO side?

In the case of composing great, coordinated substance that straightforwardly answers search questions isn't sufficient for you to do, there are a couple of specialized SEO rehearses that will help your odds of positioning. Possibly. They unquestionably won't do any harm.

Organized information

Organized information is code in an all inclusive arrangement that enlightens web crawlers explicit insights about your substance.

Item surveys, for instance, can be coded in various ways, yet utilizing organized information, everything audits can be normalized and shown straightforwardly on query output pages.

Business data, plans, work postings, item information, occasions and more have organized information principles. Utilizing organized information is savvy in light of the fact that as more organizations do it and the datasets develop, more items and administrations will be based on top of them (which implies more opportunities to be found/seen).

Also, as Google puts it:

"As a rule, characterizing more suggested highlights can create it more probable that your data can show up in Search results with improved showcase." (connect)

Sitemap

Sitemaps are another approach to direct web index crawlers. Sitemaps spread out the pages on a site, how every now and again they change, and how significant they are comparative with the remainder of the site.

Sitemaps follow a normalized design, as organized information does.

Encryption

It's by and large saw today that all web traffic ought to be scrambled. That is the "https" rather than "http" and the lock in the url bar.

Google has authoritatively begun punishing locales that are not scrambled (beforehand the standard), yet there is an open-source, free security testament choice considered Let's Encrypt that permits any site to meet important encryption prerequisites. It likewise shows regard for your site guests.

Site speed

Some portion of serving individuals the ideal answer as fast as conceivable includes the heap season of the substance. In the event that two bits of substance answer a question and one loads quicker, it will rank higher.

Site speed was less significant before, yet with cell associations (and versatile information designs), the "weight" of substance presently factors into search rankings in Digital Marketing.

Responsive (or if nothing else versatile well disposed)

A few enterprises are just about as high as 80% portable traffic, so web crawlers reward destinations that show well on cell phones.

Responsive plan is site code that adjusts to screen size (rather than a different versatile site or a helpless encounter on little screens). Web crawlers like responsive plan on the grounds that there are no curve balls and no sidetracks. A similar connection in the indexed lists on work area will function admirably on portable.

That implies web indexes likewise debilitate interstitials. In the event that the connection works on work area yet obstructs content out of the blue on portable, that is not a decent encounter for the searcher.

AMP and partnership

Finally, there are other SEO-related specialized changes that may get more eyes on your substance. Organizations can make AMP variants of their substance by adding explicit code to their site. AMP pages load exceptionally quick, and on the grounds that that is a superior encounter for the searcher, Google will show AMP-prepared substance first. There are a few trade offs to this one.

There are other partnership designs, as well, similar to Apple News and RSS/Atom channels. I'd think about partnership as a type of SEO, yet we're getting to the edges of the SEO discipline with this one.

Web optimization used to incorporate a great deal of "strategies," however today it's truly to a greater degree a substance/schooling/promoting/local area activity.

In the event that it sounds sort of hard, that is on the grounds that it is. Consider this. In the event that it were just about as simple as changing a few watchwords, everybody would appear as the principal result. Be that as it may, there must be one first outcome.

Search engine optimization today implies making the most appropriate answer, across the entire web, for each particular inquiry in turn.

SEO mainly comes under the Digital Marketing Course. When you have some believability when it's shared and referred to by different people web indexes will have the evidence they need to unhesitatingly show that answer.

Simple peasy, isn't that so?

[aughraseye]

Character ask: Onica!

@tunnelscreamer Thanks for the ask!! I ended up procrastinating on this a little, so I’m sorry. But I hope there’s some stuff here you’ll agree with! I’m also gonna take the chance to let you know much I LOVE all your Tavronica fanfiction!! It’s so good and has definitely influenced the way I see their characters!

Anyone who ships Tavra and Onica needs to go read The Storm and The Sifa on Ao3 right now!

Why I like them

I don’t just like Onica. I love her. She’s got that witchy lesbian vibe that makes me fucking swoon.

I loved that she was willing to stand up for Brea and take her seriously. She even dismissed the prejudices against her clan and helped only because it was what she felt was right. She’s far and away one of the wisest characters in the series and she uses that wisdom to the benefit of all Thra. She’s smart, caring, tough, and bold and beautiful.

Like many early members of the resistance she listens to her heart and keeps an open mind. She is unafraid to defy authority and fight for something better. Even her skills as a a fardreamer and soothsayer are put towards the cause. And frankly I love the concept of her gift. Having a character able to tap into the dreamspace, as Onica does, is so amazingly cool.

Honestly in both the show and the books, I loved every second of her character. She is welcoming and warm, a little distant but hardly unfriendly. She is shown time and time again to be true to herself and the causes she cares about above all else. And even in the face of great obstacles, pain, and heartache, she remains relentlessly strong and dedicated to being who she is, living the life she wants, and sharing it as much as she can with those she loves.

Why I don’t

She’s too perfect.

That may sound like a joke, but it is not. In the books and the show, we’re never really given any reasons to not like Onica. She’s never fleshed out quite enough to show any significant weaknesses, character failings, or traits that might cause the reader to feel less than ambivalent towards her.

This could just be an effect of how I read the books, and I welcome others with differing opinions to jump in, but for me I always wanted more insight into her character and for her to be a little more rounded out.

Another thing I will add, not related to the point above, is that in Tides she says that now that Tavra is a spider it will be easier for them to be together. It’s kind of treated like a throwaway line, and we don’t see the effects of that statement play out, but it was either a desperate attempt to look at the bright side of a terrible situation or was an outright awful thing to say.

I don’t necessarily think it should be taken as a measure of her character though. She says it and it pretty much has no effect on the story, her relationship with Tavra as far as the reader sees, and was ultimately kind of inconsequential. That doesn’t make it NOT a troubling sentiment, but I’m willing to overlook it and extend the benefit of the doubt because it did end up being functionally pointless.

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

My favorite Onica scene (because there are so many to chose from) is when Brea first goes to see Cadia about the symbol she saw. I really liked how she stood up for Brea and went against Cadia’s wishes to help her. It was a great glimpse into her character and we also got hints at the extent of her gift.

Plus how I can not choose the scene where she smashes Cadia’s head with a teapot?

I also really liked her first appearance in Tides. If I didn’t already love her that would have done it.

Favorite line

“When Elder Cadia looks at your symbol he only sees the end. But I see the chance for a new beginning. End. Begin. Death. Life. It’s all the same circle.”

Favorite outfit

We only get the one outfit, but she looks like a damn snack in it so

OTP

Tavra x Onica own my dumb ass.

Brotp

Onica and Tae!!

I also saw someone else say that Onica and Rek’yr would be good friends and ever since I’ve really wanted to see them interact. Definitely some friendship potential there.

Head Canon

I’ve already talked elsewhere about how I think that both Tavra and Onica have a great sense of humor, and I think there is evidence in the show and books to support that. I’d like to build on that here and say that Onica knows how to weaponize that humor against people she doesn’t like.

Onica is pretty much shown to have an affinity for teasing people - Tavra, Kylan, Peris, etc. - and I think that she knows how to sneak in subtle barbs and digs at those who annoy her. She does it carefully though, with a smile or serious look on her face so they can never quite be sure if she’s just joking or intentionally doing/saying shit to get under their skin. While I’d don’t think she’d ever be outright rude unless they’d really done something particularly egregious, making a few disparaging comments or snide remarks and then passing them off as only a jest is well within her capabilities.

Further, I like to imagine that she isn’t above using her gift as just another tool to poke fun at someone. She basically did do this in Tides when Peris wanted his fortune read, and I really don’t think it was a once off kind of thing.

Unpopular opinion

I don’t think I really have any opinions about Onica that would be considered unpopular, namely because there just aren’t enough opinions circulating about her to begin with.

However, for the sake of putting something here that might at least generate some conversation I will say that Onica is more likely to pick fights with Tavra than vice versa. I really see Onica as the type who, despite a calm and nearly unflappable demeanor, experiences her emotions very strongly. As a result, she has the habit of bottling her feelings up, struggling to let things go, being passive aggressive, and snapping over small things when the real issue is something much bigger.

Tavra meanwhile, though a woman of few words, is generally pretty open about what she feels, especially with Onica. She’s not only calm and easy going, but has learned to let shit go. She also has a blackbelt in conflict resolution (and avoidance) because she’s always in the middle of Brea and Seladon’s arguments.

Onica though, who’s just as good as Tavra at helping other people deal with their problems, can be just awful at dealing with her own. I really don’t think they probably fight often, and I expect them to have strong and open communication, but when they do fight it’s usually result of some long simmering issue that Onica either snaps over or Tavra has to pry out of her.

A wish

I’d really like Onica to have a bigger role in season 2. We only get two pretty brief scenes of her in season 1, and given what a big role she played in the later books I think it would be fitting if they gave her more screen time in the coming seasons.

Seeing her far dream is also pretty high on my wishlist. It was described so well in the books, giving me such a clear picture of what it would look and feel like to look into the dreamspace with her, I really want to see it on screen. Actually seeing her do any soothsaying, fortune telling, etc. would be awesome.

Also, if Tavra is alive they damn well better be sure to give us some Tavronica scenes.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Tavra’s already dead or a spider. I’ll have to sell all of my possessions and become a wild woman roaming the coasts if they both die……or both become spiders.

5 words to best describe them

Wise, kind, generous, composed, playful

[thebalancewentwrong]

Why Steven Universe Future feels off (WARNING: BIG POST)

(This post was made when only the first 4 episodes were out)

Table of contents:

1. Intro and explanation

2. A new show

3. So much to do in such little time

4. The end of arcs

5. The plot?

6. Other little bits

7. Conclusion

1. Intro and explanation

So I want to make it clear before I dive into this right of the bat that I honestly truly love Steven Universe with all my heart. It is easily my favorite show of all time and has influenced and affected me in so many positive ways beyond just enjoyment of the show.

That being said I (and the person I was watching it with) felt that something just felt a little... off for Steven Universe Future. It just didn’t feel quite right, and didn’t grip me nearly as much as as the original show or the movie. Now maybe it’s because of my experience in both film and writing and my desire to understand what makes my favorite things tick, I couldn't just let it go and decided to really dig deep into what it is that makes it feel so different and I think I figured out some of the reasons as to why.

I haven't seen too many people talk about it on here and though that maybe it was just me. Most people on here seem to enjoy the show with no problems and if that's you then great! please don’t let me take that away from you, just ignore this post and move on if you don’t want to see me dig deep into it, I honestly hate being a fun killer/ buzz kill on these things but I asked a few days ago if I should make this post and a couple of people said they were interested so here we are.

And yes I know this post is excessive but I have a lot to say on the matter, also understand this is not a post bashing on the show or calling it “bad”, it’s just an insight into what makes the show tick and how it differs to the original show (and the movie)

With all that being said, let’s jump into the first major thing.

2. A new show

Ok, so this one kind of goes without saying, but yeah Steven Universe Future is a new show. It’s not season 6, it’s a new show and as a result I think it’s only natural for the creators to want to try and emphasize that fact by giving it a different feel.

They accomplish this with a lot of subtle things but I think that it’s likely done intentionally in order to differentiate itself from the original series. Now do I think it was a good idea to change the overall feel of the show in order to separate it form the original? ehhhh not exactly... It would make more sense if it really was a different show, but you literally can’t understand anything that happens in SUF without watching the original show in almost it’s entirety, so eh.

That being said you could argue they wanted to try a new feel just to mix it up after working on the original for so many years and I guess I can get that.

This is a fairly weak point overall, however I wanted to start with the lighter stuff before getting into the big bois.

3. So much to do in such little time

Again, this one may be kind of obvious for some but it honestly feels like that some of the episodes either really should have been longer or deserve to have a whole arc around them.

I’m talking especially about ‘Rose buds’ and ‘Volleyball’. Both of these episodes feature some pretty heavy themes and ideas that in the original show could easily be the focus of an entire 4 episode long arc each.

But here they have put everything into just the one episode, cramming it all in and constantly hitting us with big ideas and surprises. Not saying the episodes are paced badly, just that I think that these ideas really could have and perhaps even should have had way more time to be explored and expanded.

For example in ‘Rose buds’ there are so many moments that could easily be their own episodes if given the chance:

The ‘Zoomans’ learning to pilot the zoo

Greg and Steven reuniting with the Zoomans

Bringing the zoo to earth

The Zoomans reacting to earth

Freeing the Rose Quartzes

Greg reacting to the Quartzes

Pearl reacting to the Quartzes

Do you see what I mean? they could each be an episode in the original show, but here it’s all just one episode and as a result it feels like it goes by too fast, we don’t get as much time to react and take it all in, to absorb it all. Instead with it all being in one episode it weirdly devalues these moments as just an almost throw away one off episode.

It’s still a good episode, don’t get me wrong but I really do wish that the concepts within it were given more time to breathe.

4. The end of arcs

Ok, now we are getting into bigger stuff. So tell me, did Amethyst and Pearl seem a little different to you? Almost a little too... complacent? Like they didn’t quite react the way you would expect them to? Well that’s because of their character arcs.

In a story, character arcs are very important to making characters interesting and likable, It’s essentially the transformation from what the character was like at the beginning to what they become at the end. Typically through these arcs, characters confront their weaknesses and issues, they tackle their flaws and eventually overcome them.

Now the character arcs in Steven Universe are amazing and I love them, but they have one problem: they are done.

The things is, by the end of ‘Change your mind’ the main crystal gems and even Steven to an extent had been through so much and had confronted all of their biggest flaws and demons that they all just completed their arcs and ended the story as their best selves.

Then in the movie they do something super clever by reverting them all back to default and we get to see how far their arcs have taken them and how much they have changed, it’s simultaneously a brilliant way of addressing their arcs and tying into the theme of change and growing stronger, it’s honestly inspirational from a writing perspective for me.

But then we get to future... where they don’t get the novelty of being rest to zero here, instead they have continued on from where we left them as their perfect selves.

Now I’m happy for the characters, it’s really nice to see them all happy living their best lives, but having flaws as I said helps the characters be relatable and continually interesting, but they really don’t address them here, as... well they’re over it.

Again, in ‘Rose buds’ our old Pearl would have absolutely freaked out at the sight of the Roses, or probably be really mentally scared and messed up... but not here. Here she has gotten over Rose, and while she is still made uncomfortable by the Roses, she is nowhere near as messed up as she could have been once upon a time. It’s nice to see her change so much but it feels off to us now, that’s not how the Pearl we knew would react, and that’s why it feels weird.

5. The plot?

So this is the biggest bit that honestly bothers me the most because I’ve seen other media do the same things and it’s upsetting to see Steven Universe fall into it but, as of right now Steven Universe Future does not have a plot.

I know, I know, that’s a crazy statement to make but hear me out. A plot is an incredibly basic thing that helps bring everything together and to get audiences invested. A plot is essentially made by a goal, the goal does not need to be complicated, it just needs to be something that drives the story along.

In Star Wars, the plot is essentially for the heroes to stop the Empire, It’s pretty broad but it’s still a plot and a goal for the heroes.

In infinity train the main character wants to get off the train and get home.

In JJBA: Golden Wind, Giorno wants to become the boss of the mafia.

In Steven Universe (original series) Steven wants to learn about his gem powers and the crystal gems want to defeat and bubble all the corrupted gems.

And in Steven Universe Future, Steven uh he’s trying to uh... live.... life...?

See what I’m saying here? There is no goal, there is no plot, the story hasn't really started yet, we as an audience don’t have much to hold onto story wise to keep us invested.

“But what about Steven’s new pink powers?” I hear you say. While yes this will very likely tie into the main story at some point, as of right now it’s just a plot thread waiting to be picked up. The main thing is that none of the characters are really following that thread right now, it’s just a thing that’s kind of happening while other stuff is going on.

Imagine if instead of just going “huh cool a new power!” Steven actually went out of his way to pursue this now power and find out what it is, giving him a goal. Or hell even telling the crystal gems about it and giving them something to do, then you can say with confidence that:

‘Steven Universe Future is about Steven trying to find out about his new powers”

Simple as that, but unfortunately as of right now this is not the case.

Like the episodes wouldn’t even have to be all that different, it would just help to know that we had an overall goal in mind and the rest could carry on as usual, just like it has many times in the show.

I am 100% confident that it will become a plot point, but as of the first 4 episodes so far it hasn’t been properly established yet and as a result the episodes feel like they are missing something, it just feels like a slice of life story, but with really intense and interesting ideas, and ultimately, just feels off.

6. Other little bits

This next part is just a list of little random things that are ultimately inconsequential and don’t deserve their own points but might contribute into the overall ‘off’ feeling of the show.

The music does not quite feel to have that Steven Universe charm (Idk about this myself I’m not a music person as much as the person I watched it with who pointed it out.

No musical numbers yet (again a small thing but you think there would be one by now?)

Voice acting a bit off? (could just be me but that sound a little strange, as if they have a new voice director (maybe they do idk))

Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl (they haven't really all been in a scene together yet which feels weird as they always used to be together)

Some character models seem off (probably just me but sometimes characters like Pearl just seem weird in some shots idk)

Steven isn’t quite as jovial? (this is likely intentional for where is character is going, but it’s important to point out as it’s intentionally made to make the viewer feel off about him)

There is likely more that I might add later.

7. Conclusion

So these are the reasons I’ve found that Steven Universe Future might feel a little off from the rest of the show (and movie) It’s entirely possible that you won’t agree with me on anything here and that's fine, these were just my findings and an attempt to rationalize why I feel this way about the show.

Please believe me when I say I want nothing more than for this show to be just as good as the original show if not even better because I honestly love the SU franchise so much. That’s why I made this post, because I want it to be the best that it can be and these are the things that I feel might be holding it back.

Honestly so many of these things are easily addressable and very likely will be! Although my personal prediction is that the actual ‘plot’ won’t properly start until the end of episode 10 as the description for these episodes seem like they are going to be along the same lines as the first 4 eps.

Either way I will be happily watching as the new episodes come out as nothing can stop me from loving Steven Universe at this point, the show has already done so much for me and I will forever love it for that <3

[dyadsaber]

Part 5 of A New Reylo Shipper Reads the TFA Novelization: In Which Snoke is an Awful Desiccated Pickle, Rey is Wonderfully Competent, and Kylo Ren Does the Thing that Made Me So Angry I Couldn’t Do Anything But Hate Him for the Next Few Years

My other half and I both got over it in December, tripped and shipped him with Rey, and now... here we are. 

When I first saw TFA, one of the most frustrating things for me about Kylo Ren’s story for me was actually Snoke.  I wanted to know SO much more about him and his relationship with Han and Leia’s son.  On screen,  we have this shadowy, creepy-looking/sounding figure who clearly exercises a lot of power… and that’s about it, with the film makers relying on a quick way of establishing a character’s authority/scariness - showing a character we’re ALREADY supposed to be scared of act intimidated or subdued by the new villain.   I remember having that, “Ok, Kylo’s acting deferential toward this desiccated pickle… so Snoke must be terrifying.” And maybe that was enough for them to do on screen given the time that they had. 

But the part of me that wants to know EVERYTHING thought it was kind of neat to see more interaction between Snoke and Kylo Ren in the novelization, like the bit I talked about in the last part, and the bit we get after Rey resists him.  There are so many little things that bring their manipulative, abusive relationship into sharp focus! 

So here’s Kylo telling Snoke about Rey... 

“That’s all she is, yes. A scavenger from that inconsequential Jakku. Completely untrained, but strong with the Force. Stronger than she knows.” His mask off, Ren replied with what seemed to be his usual assurance. No one else would have sensed a difference. Snoke did.

This struck me because it makes his success at hiding his intentions from Snoke later more impressive.  Snoke knows him WELL, and he’s usually an open book.  “Good job, TLJ Kylo Ben,” is what I’m saying. 

And now back to watching in horror and a bit of fascination as the “Snoke keeps Kylo Ren off balance on purpose” show continues:  

“It isn’t her strength that is making you fail. It’s your weakness.”

This line sent chills down my spine.  The weakness Snoke’s talking about here is compassion.  That instinct of Kylo’s (of BEN’s) not to hurt Rey if he could help it getting used to make him insecure about his “place in the story,” about his place in his master’s plans… it hurts. It hurts a lot. (I just want to scream COMPASSION IS NOT WEAKNESS all the time at the top of my lungs.) 

I’m really curious, though, about what exactly Kylo thought was going to happen when he brought Rey to Snoke.  He argues the following: 

“No—Supreme Leader, I can get the map from the girl, and that will be the end of it. I just need your guidance.”

Did he think Snoke’s presence was going to help him… stop feeling what he’s feeling? He has to know that Snoke isn’t going to be gentle with Rey’s mind if Snoke gets her in front of him.  I think this is an example of “Kylo Ren is trying really hard to be bad, and sometimes needs a reminder that that’s what he’s doing, and Snoke is happy to give him one.” 

I have never said this phrase before, but… Poor Kylo. “OH RIGHT we’re supposed to get the MAP at all costs.  Umm… yeah I kind of promised the girl I wouldn’t hurt her but AHAHAHA sure we can get the map from her mind together Supreme Leader Sir. Yeah I don’t care what happens to her.” (CARING INTENSIFIES.) 

A brief note on Hux here: in the novel, he HESITATES when Snoke unveils the plan to use Starkiller on more planets. 

“The system? Supreme Leader, according to the most recent galographics, at least two and possibly three habitable worlds circle Ileenium. Following the destruction of the Hosnian worlds, would it not be worthwhile simply to destroy their base and claim the remainder for the Order?

This is some fascinating Hux insight. He was perfectly happy using the weapon once, to show its power, but he sees that as enough.  He’s already thinking about the loss of resources (and maybe lives?) that a second use of the weapon would mean.  Hux likes ORDER, and he seems to think one use of the weapon is enough to achieve it.  Another firing would just be unnecessary chaos and destruction.  (On screen, we don’t get any of this hesitation, which I think makes Hux less interesting than he could have been.) 

Oh, and this scene ends with a line that I had to go back and watch to make sure I wasn’t forgetting it. It’s CHILLING. 

“Kylo Ren. It appears that a reminder is in order. So I will show you the dark side. Bring the girl to me.”

UM HOW ABOUT NO. I don’t even like thinking about what Snoke had planned here. 

In this middle of this and the next Kylo scene, we get some interesting insight into Rey’s thought process as she figures she can Jedi mind trick her guards… 

Then—she had resisted. More than that, it was as if her resistance had somehow turned the probing back on him. For a brief instant, she had been in his mind.

Rey is SO CLEVER AND I LOVE HER. I also thought this was a neat insight into the bridge moment - that the strength of her resistance is what let her turn the tables on him. 

If she could push him out of her mind and enter his, what else could she do?

And she does this with NO TRAINING. She was probably working off of STORIES about what Jedi were able to do. I'm still so impressed this worked, even knowing what I do now about how powerful Rey is. This kind of mental manipulation seems to be about skill as well as strength, and she nails it. 

Elsewhere on the ship, Kylo doesn’t take news of Rey’s escape particularly well, and we get some really amazing but upsetting internal stuff. 

A great deal of his education had been devoted to learning how to live and move forward in the absence of emotion.

Was that the Jedi training, or Snoke? I mean, it’s probably a little bit of both.  The Jedi try to make decisions that aren’t clouded by emotions, no matter how pro-social those emotions are, but on the other hand, The Dark Side RUNS on fear and anger and pretends that it’s just leaving behind the emotions that make one WEAK (see above rant).  Kylo may THINK he’s living in the “absence of emotion,” but in order to cut himself off from any feeling that could be construed as weakness, he must have been scared and angry ALL THE TIME and just thought that was NORMAL. I’m going to go cry a bit now because yes he did bad things while he was like this but he did NOT get that way on his own. 

(Everyone in Star Wars needs therapy.  Ben Solo needs a WHOLE TEAM of therapists.)  

And just to make things worse… 

As bad as had been the girl’s expulsion of his probing, worse was the knowledge she had acquired. At the moment, he did not feel powerful. He felt diminished.

You know why I think this is? He felt SEEN and laid bare to Rey, another person he barely knew, and that was NOT supposed to happen. Not to HIM. And from his current worldview, vulnerability made him less than he had been. 

And in a scene that isn’t going to end so well for an interrogation chair… 

Ren’s emotions were boiling. His present mental state contradicted all of his training, but he could not help himself. He had reacted poorly to what had happened earlier, and that had been reflected in the Supreme Leader’s judgment.

(snip) 

He gritted his teeth, angry at himself. It was a measure of his current weakness that something like jealousy toward an insignificant simpleton like Hux could even enter his mind. It was nothing but a waste of physical energy and mental concentration. Hux—Hux was not worthy of such attention. The girl, on the other hand…

The degree to which Kylo Ren’s anger is self-directed and “I’m not good enough” here took me by surprise. He’s not angry at Rey for escaping, or Snoke for berating him.  He’s angry at HIMSELF, for having a FEELING, which is NOT the thing he should be angry at himself for right now, and it BREAKS MY HEART. 

ALSO YES SHE IS WORTH PAYING ATTENTION TO BUT NOT FOR THE REASONS YOU THINK - your future self

At this point, Han and Finn are on Starkiller, and things moved fast. My reactions got… a little fragmented. 

First of all, I love Han being Han when they’re trying to get inside: 

Chewie growled back at him. “Oh really? You’re cold?”

I don’t remember if this got into the film, but I can just HEAR Han saying this. 

And because HAN SHOOTS FIRST…

The trooper reacted quickly and reached for his blaster. Reactions still sharp from years of experience, Han fired, sending the trooper to the ground. 

STILL SHARP FROM YEARS OF EXPERIENCE INDEED. I love him. We had a “Han Shot First” shirt a while back, just to tell you how strongly I feel about that issue. 

I’ve seen the deleted scene of Kylo in the cockpit of the Falcon while it’s on Starkiller, and I was hoping the scene in the novel would add more to it, but it really didn’t, in my opinion.  The only thing it really added for me was this odd little tidbit: 

Kylo Ren ignored him as he strode past, his eyes raking every corner of the crashed vessel, looking for—he wasn’t sure. Something that might speak to him. Something recognizable, perhaps.

FIrst of all, that entire cockpit is recognizable to him, as is the rest of that ship, ok? He probably spent hours aboard her with his dad and Uncle Chewie, so the idea that he would need to LOOK for something recognizable made me scratch my head a bit.  Maybe he was looking for proof it was HAN who was flying it? Some personal object? (The dice, maybe?)  He doesn’t seem quite certain of what he’s looking for himself, which is just PAR FOR THE COURSE FOR HIM RIGHT NOW, isn’t it??? 

And now for some fangirling over Rey because she deserves it: 

“The oscillator is the only sensible target,” Finn told him. “But there’s no way to get inside.” “There is a way.” Everyone turned toward Rey. It was Chewie who ventured the question that had to be asked. “I’ve seen inside these kinds of walls,” she told them as the sky overhead continued to rain destruction. “The mechanics and instrumentation are the same as the Star Destroyers I’ve spent years inside salvaging. Get me to a conventional junction station, I can get us in.”

I LOVE that her scavenger knowledge comes in useful here, and that it’s made explicit that THIS is how she gets them in, especially with Kylo being all, “Oh, she’s JUST a scavenger.” Yeah, a scavenger that knows how to GET INTO YOUR BASE BECAUSE OF HER YEARS OF TAKING APART OLD IMPERIAL SHIPS. (Now all I can see is Rey teasing him later with “All your base are belong to us” memes, and I feel both old and silly.) 

And speaking of things I wish had made it into the final cut… 

From the varied assortment, they settled on an isolated snow speeder. Between Finn’s training and Rey’s knowledge of machines, they managed to get it fired up.

Are you telling me we could have had a scene where Finn and Rey stole a snow speeder together and we DID NOT GET IT ON FILM? I feel cheated.

I also feel cheated of this bit: 

“Snow is cold!” Rey squeezed the speeder between a phalanx of willowy alien trees. “It’s the complete opposite of Jakku!”

SHE HAS NEVER SEEN SNOW BEFORE I AM DYING. 

Now I just want a comic of her going around, preferably with Ben, experiencing different climates. 

Rey: DID YOU KNOW RAIN GETS HARD SOMETIMES AND FALLS IN LITTLE BALLS? And did you know… OW… it kind of hurts when they fall on you? 

Ben, trying not to laugh or die of how cute she is: I… I did know that… Do you want… an umbrella? A force shield? 

Rey: ...no??? 

And right around this next bit is where I recognized where else I’d seen that “Finn and Rey steal a snow speeder” bit: (This is Finn’s PoV… he needs to be in position to shoot something.) 

They had to do something, and fast. Rey was skilled at driving, and he was skilled at… “Switch!” he yelled.

This is that Forces of Destiny Rey and Finn short! Super cute. I’m glad this whole sequence found a home somewhere. 

Next we get more of Rey being SUPER competent and a little show-off (kind of like someone else I could name). 

“Been doing this all my life. Never thought about it much until now. It was just something I did every day, to survive. A routine, like breathing.” As if to demonstrate to herself that she was more than a little familiar with the components in question, she closed her eyes while continuing to disassemble the interior of the box. When she opened them again, she was gratified to see that she hadn’t missed a single connection. “Nice piece of instrumentation,” she commented absently. “I would have got at least three portions for this.”

She took it apart WITH HER EYES CLOSED. So cool. (And it makes SO MUCH SENSE that she would be able to do this… I don’t know if anyone out there still thinks Rey’s a Mary Sue, but if so I want to shove this passage up their nose. She has COMPLETELY believable character reasons for being good at things.) Also, Rey thinking about how many portions she would have gotten made me smile, until I remembered that funny post about her looking at the Death Star wreck and calculating portions, and then it made me CACKLE. 

And that was the last time I laughed for a while reading this book. 

Because when Han and Chewie split up to set the charges, we get THIS emotional knife in the heart: 

Unintentionally, their eyes met—and the stare held. Man and Wookiee realized it might be for the last time. Nothing more was said. Nothing more needed to be. There never had been, over the years, an excess of superficial chatter between the two whenever there was work to be done. Each knew his job and did it. That did not keep Han from pausing a moment to look back. When he did, he discovered Chewbacca gazing in his direction. 

THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS IMPORTANT TO ME, AND THE FACT THAT THIS IS THE LAST TIME THEY SEE EACH OTHER AND THEY GET THAT MOMENT OF UNDERSTANDING AND AFFECTION… AAAAAAAAHHHHHH

The “understatement of the year” award goes to this next line, which is Han recognizing his son. 

The figure that had paused to look over a railing and down into the farther depths of the structure was known to him.

KNOWN TO HIM. My HEART

This next bit surprised me slightly, and made me think about how much of a CHOICE it was for Han to approach Kylo on that bridge.  (There’s some stuff about how Han is only doing this for Leia, because she asked him to, nothing about how he, like, might have cared about his son, or something, but I screamed enough about how this novel makes Han out to be a shit dad before, and I have one more big issue later, so I’ll let that lie for now.) ANYWAY, the interesting thing for me here is that we get to see the moment of choice. 

Instead of retreating, he advanced. Instead of running for safety, he took up the challenge. There was no real choice, he told himself as he advanced to the edge of the walkway. And called out. “Ben!”

The first time his real name is mentioned, and my heart still almost stopped when I read this.  I can remember being in the theater when I saw TFA. I can remember how hopeful I was that this was going to go well. If what comes next isn’t terribly coherent, I’m sorry, but I had NO IDEA going in what was about to happen, and it STILL messes with me. 

I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but I’ve got timeline issues with how long it’s supposed to have been since the events at Luke’s Temple. This next line is one reason why: 

For the first time Han saw the face of his son as a grown man—and it jolted him.

BEN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUNGER WHEN HE TURNED, AND THIS PROVES IT. Otherwise, how had Han not seen him as an adult? Ben was TWENTY FUCKING THREE if the official timeline is to be believed. Unless we’re supposed to think Han hadn’t seen him AT ALL since he was what… ten? Is that what you’re asking me to believe? NONSENSE. I originally thought that Ben turned as an older teenager, and that would make Han’s shock at seeing him as an adult make SO MUCH MORE SENSE. 

And all of the above is me trying to find a continuity problem to pick at because no matter how long it had been, it must have been a hard moment for Han anyway, and I love him a lot, and wanting to hug fictional characters because you just want them to be ok is a MOOD RIGHT NOW. 

You know what else is a mood? Looking forward to reading the bit of TLJ where Snoke bites it. This line gave me a violent need to watch him die: 

“No! The Supreme Leader is wise. He knows me for who I am, and who I can become. He knows you for what you really are, Han Solo. Not a general, not a hero. Just a small-time thief and smuggler.”

The fact that Kylo Ren is trying SO HARD to wholeheartedly believe this is… maddening, and devastatingly sad.  He wants to feel known, feel understood, and I can just imagine Snoke talking shit about Han every chance he got, and you can just SEE Kylo starting to work himself up to what he’s going to do and I AM NOT OK. 

We get a bit more of Han trying to convince Ben that Snoke is manipulating him, and it BREAKS MY HEART. 

“If you have half the ability, half the perception that I know you do, you know that I’m telling you the truth. Because unlike him, I have nothing to gain from it.” Ren hesitated. “It’s too late,” he said.

I wish Han’s part of this had made it in. It sounds like him.  

And that “It’s too late” has ALWAYS broken me, even before I jumped onto the “I heart Ben Solo” train with both feet. The tragedy is that he believes this.  He thinks there’s a line he crossed from which there is no coming back, and it takes two and a half more movies, a bunch of Force Timing with Rey,  a call from mom, a lightsaber through the side, and a talk with Ghost Dad just to get it through his thick skull that it ISN’T too late, a shitty choice before doesn’t mean he has to keep on making NEW SHITTY CHOICES, and that he doesn’t have to keep being Kylo Ren because Snoke convinced him no one from his old life would ever accept him back. 

And now that I’ve pulled myself together enough to write coherently again… 

Han pulls a move in the novel he didn’t in the book, and I LOVE IT. 

Without the slightest trace of malice or deception, he cast a dagger. “Your mother misses you.” A strange sensation touched the younger man’s cheeks. Something long forgotten. Dampness. Tears.

YOUR MOTHER MISSES YOU. AND IT MAKES KYLO FRICKING REN CRY. THAT IS ALL. 

And continuing that theme of Han making choices before, we get this insight when they’re coming closer to each other: 

Han took another step, then stopped, waiting. A decision had to be made, and for once it was not his to make.

Ugh he waited for Ben to come to him.  He wanted his son to CHOOSE to close the space between them, and Kylo does choose to, and then nothing was ok.  

Speaking of not ok, you know how I said I had one last thing to scream about when it comes to how this novel portrays Han and Ben’s relationship, well here it is.  

I LOVE (and hate because it hurts me) how on-screen Han looks at Kylo after the lightsaber goes in.  There’s shock, and pain, but no anger.  Han looks… disappointed, SAD, and he’s clearly still conscious enough that he could have been angry and spit in Kylo’s face if he wanted to, but he DOESN’T.  He just… lets his hand linger on his son’s face until it drops and he falls.  And I will fight anyone who tells me that Han Solo is looking at his child with anything but love and regret in that moment. Which is why THIS just PISSED ME THE FUCK OFF. 

Accepting without quite believing, Han stared back into the face of the creature that had been his son. There was nothing to see there. Only darkness in the shape of a face: alien, unthinking, unfeeling.

Thank you, Adam Driver and Harrison Ford for making heartbreaking acting choices that were SO MUCH BETTER than this.  I came out of that theater HATING Kylo Ren, but even I would have had to admit that his face was ANYTHING but unfeeling there. (And now, I see gifs from that scene and want to fling myself into the sun because, yeah he just killed one of my favorite Original Trilogy characters, but also HE JUST SPLIT HIS SPIRIT TO THE BONE AND MINE ALONG WITH IT BECAUSE I LOVE HIM TOO.) Watching TFA was so much easier when I just loved Han and wanted Kylo to DIAF.... But I’m not sorry I changed my mind. 

We don’t have to wait too long to see the effect killing Han had on his son. 

“Stunned by his own action, Kylo Ren fell to his knees. Following through on the act ought to have made him stronger, a part of him believed. Instead, he found himself weakened.” 

NO SHIT, KYLO. Yeah. Trying to prove you’re Darkside enough for Snoke just FUCKED YOU UP instead of making you stronger. SHOCKING. 

Ok, now that I’m done yelling at him, things that make me cry here: first, only a part of him believed it. SO MUCH CONFLICT IN HIM. Also, this seems to imply that he hadn’t fully made a the choice to kill Han up until the last second.  You’re not stunned by the fact that you did something you were whole heartedly intending to do.  Relieved? Proud (especially if it was something difficult)? Sure.  Not stunned. (Am I grasping at straws here? Probably. Do I have new-to-me feelings about Ben Solo, lots of time on my hands, and a whole bunch of straws that are there for the grasping? YOU BET I DO.) 

And that seems like a fitting place to end.  My soul needs some time before I attempt to have thoughts in public about that fight in the snow on Starkiller. 

[soulstied-a]

❥❥❥❥❥❥

↳  𝐈𝐧𝐮 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐦 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞

   @negotiiator -   I can’t even remember how long ago I followed you, I think you used to follow my old Hank blog? But we definitely started RPing the most when I decided to write Elijah. You have a better memory for my old threads than I do I completely forgot Allen and Connor interfaced before until it was brought up. I also find it funny how like outside Elijah and Connor’s current relationship, like that Arranged Marriage AU, they clash so much but the chemistry in their normal verse is so on point. And yet, they don’t act differently outside their beginning relationship was just as rocky but they sailed over it and I don’t remember what that turning point was.    Okay the actual positivity. Andrew, Connor-mun, is really sweet person which anyone will notice if they spend a few minutes talking to them in the tags. The few times we’ve conversed too they were really kind and I cannot get enough of their Connor. The chemistry between our muses is so incredible and the depth that Connor feels for just everything is in all the little details of their replies. You can truly feel the emotions of the muse and that is the type of stuff I live for. You’re very dedicated to your muse and I can tell you’re passionate about Connor. I do think we should talk more about Hank and Connor’s relationship because they don’t seem to be seeing eye to eye currently and it makes me sad. 

   @phckinglife / @deconstructlife -   So adding you on discord was the best thing I’ve probably ever done lately. It’s a big stress relief to talk to you so much about Gavin and Henry, I really want to talk more about Cayden and Allen too I think there is something there if they get a chance to work stuff out. But, when I get to peek at our messages while I’m at work and reply I get really happy and it’s just a few seconds between all the chaos I’m currently experiencing that really helps my stress and I can’t thank you enough for just reaching out and being so patient with me. I know I’m erratic with activity and the replies. I owe you so much and instead of getting to it I send you more asks LMAO. I’m glad that doesn’t bother you too!    I haven’t interacted with many Gavin’s, which I do find odd since the fandom says there is a lot I can only list a few off the top of my head, but from what I remember in the game and I’ve watched a lot of people play it since my run, you do appear to have him spot on. The temper and yet the self-hatred at that temper seems really accurate. My Grandfather used to be a lot like Gavin, he had that unrelenting anger and when he tried to apologize he’d still hurt you in the process of doing it and struggle with finding a way to make up for it without actually saying “I’m sorry”. It’s definitely a struggle that I think Gavin can overcome and the way you write him working on that really is easy to read how much of a struggle that alone is for him.    As for Cayden I don’t think I completely understand his personality which isn’t a bad thing! I think it works well for his character. We only get .2 seconds of him in the game and he stands there all creepy and stone like. There is no wrong way to do his character in my opinion and I think I like that I don’t completely get  a read on him. It definitely makes it more interesting to explore threads with him and try to understand him. It also makes Allen’s fear of him stronger. 

   @deviatiions -   I worry for your Connor’s sense of judgement as he clearly has a problem with thinking things through, and Allen backs this up with increased worry as Connor decides it’s fine to take the non-combat unit on calls. We’ve only started really writing recently and talking about Henry calling Connor at 3 am for sex talks about Gavin, and though most of our talks seem about the most stupid of shit I’ve had a lot of fun with the plots we’ve thrown around so far. You’re a really bubbly person and completely fuel all the other shit that goes on with Gavin. I just imagine you and Connor sitting there pointing at the two fucking idiots going “Should we tell him he’s a moron?”.    I really want his and Allen’s relationship to go further, I think as friends they have a lot of potential and I really want Connor to have more friends. Imagining them going shopping and Connor trying to tell Allen he can wear something other than his DPD Uniform and picking out button up shirts together is completely a wish of mine and Elijah just sitting in the back texting his work computer while sneaking pictures of Connor--it’s fantastic I have an entire vision let me have it YOU HAVE MY DISCORD.

   @jericholeader -    You are the only Markus I write with currently and the only one I actively see on my dash, so when I make those headcanons for Elijah and Markus I completely have your blog in mind. You write Markus so well that it’s actually pretty impressive. Like sometimes I feel like I really nail down Hank and Elijah but you write Markus so well that it’s as if you’re constantly watching the game through just to make sure you do. From his personality to his choice of words I can really feel the character you do an incredibly job I can’t say it enough. I hope you stick around in the fandom because you really are a gem to interact with and I want to explore Elijah and Markus’ relationship. Allen too that one thread that questions Markus’ commitment to the Androids, the depth of which he’d go and believe them, I think it can really open some character development for the both of them.    It’s interesting to see Markus doubt himself, doubt his over belief in his own people. Not to mention the outfall of all of that, when the other Androids realize that another was killing their kind and Markus helped arrest them? I think it’ll give him a deeper insight into what Connor feels and the emotion turnaround it will cause on him. How you play that I really want to see. All your threads are interesting and I like fucking with Markus’ head since you have such an understanding of his character.

   @trustinginthelight -   I know I’ve only interacted with Carl and I’ve already gushed about him but I’m gonna do it again. Carl is a very underappreciated character in the game much like Elijah and I hate that DC left out so much of their relationship and 90% of it is simply hinted at and left up to interpretation. From what we do know of Carl though and especially of his relationship with Elijah I believe you have such a grasp on his character that it’s impressive and beautiful. That headcanon you write on him before everything I can honestly see actually happening in the game. Not to mention that bullheaded and bit temperamental personality he is is exactly the type of person that could put up with Elijah and fight through to keep that friendship.    You write him so incredibly and so wonderfully that I am so thankful you picked the character up. Not everyone would write Carl, because he’s not young and capable of being shipped with others so the fact you do and you write him so well honestly, it makes me so happy. Because I get to explore that wonderful relationship that Elijah gets to have with his one friend. If you write the rest of your muses as well as you do Carl I wouldn’t be surprised, I really love your writing! 

   @rcprobate -   I OWE YOU SO MANY MESSAGES. Your one of those people that I look at what you send me, get squirmy over the fanart of Hank and Connor and THEN FORGET TO REPLY. But you’re so patient with me and I appreciate that and I really do love plotting with you when we get the chance to do it. Thank you so much for putting up with me and role playing with me, I really love everything that we have going on and the fact you ship one of those very rare ships and feel it just as much as I do with me. Your Connor is a real joy to write with, and you yourself are such a pleasure to talk with over what we write.    Also, I think Pigeon Android is by far one of the must random and interesting characters to pick up from the game that anyone can choose. It’s really shows what a unique person you are in a good way to take something so small and seemingly inconsequential from the game and turn it into a full blown person. I really admire the creativity that goes into doing that because you have to look though that one small part of the game so thoroughly to find all the little ques and put it together like a puzzle. I love it and I love the detail that goes into him. 

[madefate-a]

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. 

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO / probably not ??

Were they relevant to the main story?  YES / NO

Were they relevant to the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / IDK

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL / depends on the timeline

How strictly do you follow canon?

i expand on it for the backstory, & jump off it for present-verse interactions. 

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.

a soft nerd™ who desperately wants you to think she’s a tough jock™, full of love & hypocrisy and cares so deeply about everyone’s ability to live their free, authentic lives that she’ll sacrifice her own. the picture of a dignified lesbian that will never let you know she spends most days as a disaster lesbian. painted as the villain after her sacrifice! 

Now the OPPOSITE. List everything why your muse might not be so interesting (even if you don’t agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

very little screentime, definitely on the soft / good / kind end of the spectrum which doesn’t always mix well with the edginess that fandom likes, Kindness is a Choice but it’s often easy to overlook that as a form of bland heroism. 

What inspired you to rp your muse?

i love her i love her i love her i love her. i added her before we ever saw her on screen -- the second someone said her name i was like ‘i bet she’s actually a Secret Hero whose reputation has been tarnished for nefarious reasons’ & um ... not to say i nailed it but ....... 

What keeps your inspiration going?

MY BIG LESBIAN CRUSH ON HER I GUESS. & the fact that i can vicariously adopt the entire cast of she-ra through her. 

Some more personal questions for the mun. Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO. / I’m not sure, I do try!

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO.

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO.  

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES  / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

to an extent -- i think valid criticism has helped shaped me as a writer in MANY areas (example: a partner telling me that it’s easier to reply if i add a little more action / dialogue not only helped me write better replies, but it’s advice that i took to my prose & original fiction to GREAT success). but nitpicking about specific character choices doesn’t interest me; i’ve been writing for a long time, and i think i have a handle on what constitutes an interesting reply. as long as my partners enjoy what i write and want to reply back, i don’t think it’s necessary to take in too much influence from other people about my character choices. 

Do you like questions which help you explore your character?

YES, CONSTANTLY.

If someone disagrees with a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

only if the conversation is friendly & interesting.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

ask that they unfollow, of course. this is a hobby meant for enjoyment -- i don’t want someone following who doesn’t enjoy interacting with me. 

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

the little sensitive heart in me gets sad, but only because i’m human. i typically don’t engage with people who don’t like what i like, because i feel that it’s unproductive. 

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

i don’t think it’s necessary? if we can understand each other, it would be strange to me to start picking out little tiny, inconsequential errors. HOWEVER, my adhd brain sometimes likes to skip ENTIRE WORDS so if i forget a word and people don’t know what the fuck i’m trying to say, i will gladly let them know what it should mean.  

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

unreasonably so, to the point where i need to learn to set better boundaries for myself skdjhg 

tagged by: @nephils​ ilu !! 

tagging: steal it from me babes!