#luckily again the shift supervisor was passing by so i told her about it

[glitteronadumpsterfire]

[neocity-sarai]

Heartstrings

❂ reader x mark lee (soulmate au, inspired by the film “Weathering With You”)

❂ alerts: fluff, angst, self-blame, mentions of death, drinking, making out, mentions of the dreamies, happy belated birthday to the greatest rapper, laugher, and watermelon-eating fiend ever! this was 40 pages- i’m so sorry

❂ song rec: raining in london by lana condor and anthony de la torre

Soulmates. Weather. Uncontrollable and unpredictable- yet they control your mood and your fate. It’s been this way ever since you’ve been born, even since the beginning of your parents’ time. Your mother and father called it a force of nature- a phenomenon when you’re connected to someone like an invisible string, a syncopation of voices, thoughts, and feelings. Luckily for them, they fell in love when they were just college students and miraculously became soulmates. You always thought it was lucky that they met and were destined to be together from that moment, forming a family by having you in the future. It made you think of the what ifs. What if they didn’t meet or if your mother had someone else when your father was around? What if they loved each other but weren’t soulmates? What if you ceased to exist? It makes you shiver when you think about it. 

During middle school, you vividly remember a collection of memories. Happy ones and unfortunately, not so good ones. Your father had died when you were 14, a drunk driver had recklessly crashed into the family van on the highway when your father was driving to work. Even 4 years after, your mom became extremely frail at heart from the grief. She always had a wine glass in her hand, sobbing every night when she’d enter every room of your family’s home. You were just a kid when she told you she saw your father on every wall and every photograph. She missed him. She told you that she wasn’t able to heal so quickly. Understanding, you rubbed her back on the floor of their bathroom, dumping the remaining liquid out of her smeary glass. She just sobbed into your arms, shakes rupturing her entire body. It made you feel broken and somber seeing your own mother like this. Still, you had to be strong for her. 

The weather outside was cold and dark. Rain crashed down on the window pane like a series of dashes and lines. The clouds seemed angry, lightning flashing like shooting stars and thunder roaring like a legion of lions. It was extreme and powerful, water flooding the streets and your front yard. You were sure the peonies that you had planted with your father were now washed away in broken stems. It seemed like you had an ocean of water outside and inside your mother’s bathroom. The feeling of hopelessness did not stop. That’s when you heard a pin drop. It was a subtle but also a loud sound, something possible to ignore- it was the sound of a realization: your father always loved the rain. No matter how chilly it was, he always enticed you to dance in the rain as he held his arms out, a grin plastered on his face. His smile always stretched from ear to ear. It’s something you never forgot. 

You wiped your mom’s tears with your thumbs, “Mom?”

Your mother coughed, her eyes red and puffy, “Yes, honey?”

“Can I show you something?”

“What is it?”

“Just trust me.”

You took her by the hand, leading her through your dark and empty house. You made way to your backyard door, opening up to your water-logged lawn and a cloudy sky. Everything was a dull grey but was touched with splotches of periwinkle blues, it can’t be all that bad. Letting go of your mother’s hand, you begin to advance into the middle of the grass, spinning and twirling as hard as you can. You spread your arms out before sticking your tongue out to the rain above, droplets cold and fresh. You screamed out to the sky, “I love you dad!”

Your mother watched you with her lips pressed into a thin line, leaning on the pillar of your roof. You motioned to her, “Come on, mom- maybe dad’s up there watching.”

She pauses for a moment, reluctant of what might happen if she indulges in the thought. She decides that there’s nothing to lose. There’s nothing to do but own it anyway. She flies into your arms, your figure supporting her weight. You hear her sigh out when she feels the soft patter on her cheeks. Small water droplets litter her eyelashes, the cold soothing the puffiness of her face. She shuts her eyes for a bit, relishing in the icy, chilling feeling. Both of your shoes are flooded and covered in mud but it doesn’t matter. For the next several hours, you both laugh as loud as you can, running around your backyard. You both lay side by side on the wet grass, the green tufts under your fingers. Your mom turns her head towards you, smiling, “We will be okay.”

You nod, nuzzling your nose into your mom’s shoulder, “I won’t let anything happen to us.”

You hate the world. You hate how unfair it is. You wish you kept your word. That night, your mother had fallen asleep on the couch. Even though you had insisted on running a bath, your mother refused out of exhaustion. That one second has landed you and your mother in the hospital. The doctor had told you that your mother had come down with a severe case of pneumonia- it’s already scarred the lining of her lungs. The damage is irreversible. He’s also told you that your mother isn’t likely to survive due to her past conditions of frail health. You sit in your mother’s hospital room, clutching her hand as she sleeps. You think to yourself: Hasn’t the world taken so much from you already? Haven’t you experienced too many sacrifices? Your mind shifts into shadows. If you hadn’t suggested going out in the rain, would your mother be better? If your mother dies, isn’t it your fault? Soulmates? Do they even exist? You hate the idea of waiting for someone, pining for somebody that might never show up. The world is silly. You cry into her hand until you can’t breath. You let go of it, making your way to the bathroom down the hall. Every doctor and patient that stares at you looks like a blur in your vision and your heart feels like it’s going to explode from it all. You can't stop rewinding your life like a broken movie reel, visions of your mother and you and your dad. 

“Whoa there, slow down-”

A pair of arms catches you and an unfamiliar voice makes you bite your tongue on accident. When you look up, you’re met with the view of a boy- a cute one at that. You’re not in the mood to compliment him, to say anything. Still, through your blurry tears, you are wary of him. He seems like a boy that you could get to know but one that could wear the face of an innocent but actually be the devil in disguise. He’s too pretty to be average. His black locks are the color of ash, his eyes are dark and sparkly with innocence. Oh yes, he has sharp features too. His jaw and his cheeks are carved like seared gems, his eyebrows thin lines below his bangs. He wears a pair of denim jeans and a striped sweater. You take note of the annoyingly polished tag pinned on his sweater: “Mark Lee” it reads.

“Are you alright?” the boy asks again. 

You just stare up at him, tears running down your cheeks like foggy waterfalls. You can’t smell, see, or feel. All you can do is lightly shake your head. Weirdly, he seems like he understands, “Can I help you find someone or a room? I’m a volunteer at this hospital.”

You shake your head again, a little too violently. You sniffle, your voice sounds small, “I just want somewhere that’s away from people.”

Apologetically, Mark nods. “I may be able to help. I just need to change first, yeah?”

“No, I- it’s alright. I don’t-t need help.”

Mark waves his hands around, “It’ll only take a few seconds, I promise.”

Why should you trust a stranger? Your mom always reminded you that your father was a stranger to her at first. Sometimes, you never know where it leads. You check the time on your phone before turning to see the direction of where your mom’s room is. 

“Only a few minutes.”

You let Mark lead you to the bathrooms. He turns to you, frantic and he seems a little nervous, “Give me a few seconds. Don’t leave, okay?”

“Okay.”

When Mark comes out, he’s dressed in scrubs. He wears a grey shirt and matching pants, his tag now on the pocket of it. He looks like one of those hot nurses that helps the pregnant woman who’s screaming her lungs out in Grey’s Anatomy. You don’t say that to him though. He walks with you, “Follow me- uh.. what’s your name?”

“I-It’s y/n.” After passing a series of corridors, Mark unlocks some obscure door that’s a little ways down, shoving his ring of keys into the lock, “I come up here to think, maybe it could help you.”

“Is this even legal? Couldn’t you get fired for letting me up here?”

Mark rubs the back of his neck, his eyes on you, “Well yes, but I think you’re worth it.”

You make a face at him,“Why? I’m a stranger?”

“Not to be all sappy but my supervisor told me that in the medical business, you always have to take chances- this me taking a chance.”

You scoff, “Thank you for your charity, I’ll be going up now.”

Mark’s eyes widen at your brazen attitude, “I’ll wait down here. Just knock on the door when you’re ready to come down.”

When Mark opens the door, all there is a concrete staircase. But when you emerge to the top of the staircase, it’s everything in one place. Your breath hitches in your throat when you see it. It’s a rooftop. The sun sets on the city’s horizon, silver clouds rolling in to threaten waves of rain. Lightning flashes in it again, thunder booming just like that day. You walk around the rooftop, watching how high up you are and how the skyscrapers touch the vastness of the sky. When you turn around, you see something peculiar. A japanese-like shrine stands in your view, decorated with hanging lines of colorful lanterns and photos. Making your way to it, you recognize that the photos must be of victims that have died at the hospital. Flowers and bells hang from the red-painted posts. Under the arch, sits a small fountain that’s been collecting rain. It looks so old, covered in moss and grime. Though, if you peer hard enough, there are names inscribed into the stone. You step forward under the arch of the shrine, the bells ringing in the wind. But, when you do, it doesn't feel normal. It almost feels like all of your emotions and senses have been amplified. Somehow, you can’t hear anything. You can’t hear the twinkle of the bells or any wind. When you stare down at the fountain, you don’t believe it when you see water droplets floating upwards. You use your finger to touch the droplets, the small spheres floating into the sky in a stream. Gravity doesn’t work like this, does it? You try to grab the water droplets, they still continue to slip out of your hands and into the air above. How is this possible?

You dip your finger into the rain water that sits in the stone bowl, ripples forming. Something shocks your veins like electricity, it makes you clutch your heart through your chest. What was that? You run out from under the archway, suspicious of it all. Is it some sort of prank machine? Either way, you want to get back to your mother. You run out from under the archway, one prayer couldn’t hurt. It's silly, you don’t go to church much. Still, you clasp your hand together and you pray as hard as you can. You pray you can walk in the sun with your mom again, that your father is happy, and for everything you’ve ever known.

Opening your eyes, you run back down to the staircase before swinging the door open. You spot Mark tripping, his legs are a tangled mess, “Whoa- what the-”

You eye him suspiciously, “Why’d you lean against the door? I was clearly going to open it..”

“I thought you were going to knock! You just caught me off-guard is all.”

Despite having just met, Mark nudges you, “So, how was it?”

You eye him again, wary of him, “I’ll give you credit for the view- it was beautiful. I wanted to ask though, what was that shrine up there?”

Mark stops walking, cocking his eyebrow up, “What? There was a shrine?”

You stop walking as well, “The big red archway, fountain in the center? Colorful lanterns and photos? Can’t miss it unless you’re blind?”

Mark laughs nervously, his nose scrunching in mock-pain, “My eye-sight isn’t the greatest so..”

“There’s no way you could have missed it, I literally saw it the moment I got up there.”

“Maybe it’s new- I was just there last week and didn’t see anything like that. Maybe you need to check your eyes?”

“I have 20/20 vision, thank you very much.”

Mark raises his hands up in mock-surrender, “Yes sir- I mean, mam’’”

By the time you make it back to the hallway where you had run into Mark, you turn to him, “Well, this has been interesting. Goodbye, stranger.”

Mark giggles, “You know my name though- I know yours. Are we really strangers still?”

“Yes. We met like 10 minutes ago.”

You notice the pink blush that creeps onto Mark’s cheeks, his words coming out it a stuttering ramble, “I-I’d really l-like to ask-”

Before Mark can ask you his question, probably for your number, you're interrupted by your mother’s nurse running out to you both, “Y/n! I’ve been looking for you, it’s your mother. You need to come now.” Her facial expression does not look good.

You nod, “Bye Mark, thanks for uh- your time.”

Mark opens his mouth, “Y-yeah, no problem, uh- y/n, yeah- I’ll see you around?”

You follow the nurse, “Maybe.”

Later that night, your mom had passed away. And two years later, you had blamed yourself for it every single day. Not only did your prayer not work, your mind was absent of the boy who helped you onto the roof. You couldn’t didn’t want to even remember his name or why you had run into him.

2 years later 

>I wonder if it’s raining in London

I wonder if the moon looks the same where you are

Still think about the sound of you humming

Singing to nothing in your car

Ever since your mom passed away, everything changed. You started to live with your aunt in her cottage home that was little ways out of the city. She had a rose garden out front, white and red bushes overgrown on the picket fence. Your aunt promised to invest in your parents’ property but thought it’d be good for you to spend the summer at the cottage. You could classify it as a time of healing, though most nights were spent thinking about your parents. You would spend the summer helping your aunt cook meals, plant flowers, and play with her beagle named Mosby in the wheat fields. At least, you weren’t entirely alone.

Eventually, it was time for you to apply for universities- a possibility that wasn’t even your orbit at all. Even so, strange things kept happening. Even when it was raining, no matter where you stepped- the weather changed in an almost too quick of an instant. If you wanted it to be sunny, the moment you stepped outside, the rays would emerge out of the obsidian clouds. If you wanted snow to play in with Mosby, it would snow even in the late June summers. It was odd, like the weather gods were at your beckon and call. This phenomenon only happened after that day you touched the fountain’s water, only after you walked under the archway of the shrine. You decided that there was no use fighting it. Of course, you were bewildered with your newfound power- though after a while, there was nothing to do but embrace it. There was something that your mother and father taught you since you were a child: help those who could be helped. Going around the city for errands, you observed people. For instance, a woman was telling her friend in the grocery store how disappointing that it would be raining during her baby’s 1st birthday. After collecting your items, you walked outside, clasping your hands together. You said in your mind, “Let us have sunshine for today.”

And of course, the weather forecast had announced that there would suddenly be no chance of rain. You could imagine the woman’s joy. You saw a young girl- about the same age as you running past you on the street as she tripped over her heels and fumbled in her tight office outfit, grumbling at how hard the rain was coming down. You wished for sunshine for her too. It was like the gods gave you a gift and it was your duty to use it for good- it’s what your parents would have wanted. Towards the end of the 2nd year, you told yourself that you wanted a change in scenery. It was time to do something worthwhile for yourself. Luckily, you got into the university of your choice and were on your way to moving to campus. There’s this erratic beating in your chest. Is it excitement? Anxiety? Fear? Probably a mix of all 3. As every coming of age movie, it’s all the same. Your aunt had helped you move into your dorm room, reassuring that you could come home or to the cottage whenever you wished. Thanking her, you press a kiss to her cheek before rearranging your boxes of belongings. Perhaps, this was the start of a new chapter. 

First day of class

First period is english 101. The university looks nice, it’s very castle-like with high-rising towers and turrets made of carved stone. Students sit in the courtyards in their friend circles, coffees in their hands as they sit under the large juniper trees. Though it is a sunny day, the forecast shows that heavy rains will stir into a monsoon. You keep note of that. Walking into the lecture hall, you take a seat towards the middle row- not too close to be picked on but not too far where you can’t hear. The professor is some old guy who’s been studying philosophy for 3000 years and you hope that you don't fall asleep before he’s done. You rest your chin in your hand, twirling your pencil on top of the desk surface. Suddenly, the entrance door bursts open with a loud noise, causing the hundreds of the students in the room to turn their heads. A boy stands there, he drops his books recklessly. The professor pauses his lecture to lower his glasses, “Mr. Lee? You’re tardy, son.”

The boy scratches the back of his neck, doe eyes pointed at the man, “Sorry Professor Norman, the rain held me up.”

“Go take a seat.”

You hear the girls behind you giggle from the sight. All you knew was that he looked oddly familiar to you. The boy climbs the stairs, standing on his tiptoes to look for an empty seat. When he spots one, a grin is plastered on his face as he makes his way nearer and nearer to you. You realize that there’s an empty seat right next to you. It’s painfully embarrassing as you watch the boy fumble his way behind other students, murmuring I’m sorrys and pardon mes. One of his notebooks falls out of his worn down jansport backpack, a girl batting her eyelashes when she hands it back to him. Smiling charming at her, he whispers, “Thanks for that.”

Finally, after 4 years, the boy manages to make it next to you. You scoff when he accidentally swings his backpack into the side of your arm, “Oh god, I’m so sorry- “

You nod curtly, “You’re fine.”

Now that you can get a closer look at him, you feel sweat bead up on your back when you realize where you’ve seen him. It’s that boy- the one the night your mom died. He reaches his hand out, “Hi there, my name’s Mark. Mark Lee.”

You stare at him for a bit before reluctantly taking his hand, “Y/n.”

As much as you don’t want to admit, Mark looks as endearing as ever. His black  locks are still the same, eyes shining from the dim lighting. He smells of the sweet rain, water droplets wetting his hair and his shoulders. 

>I wonder if you look any different

And would I see the years that have passed on your eyes?

There’s still a little part of me missing

I no longer recognize

Mark turns to you, his eyebrow quirked when he says your name on his tongue, “Have we met before? You seem familiar?”

You shake your head, “I don’t know anyone by the name of Mark so, I guess you’re the first?” Why did you lie to him?

Mark nods, “Ah, I see.”

Mark ruffles the water out of his hair, opening his soaked notebook, “Ah shit, the rain got in my backpack.”

You can’t help but chuckle a little, “I can lend you some of mine?”

Mark’s eyes widen at you, you swear you can see a faint blush creeping on his cheeks, “R-really? I swear I’ll pay you back.”

“No need, here.” You proceed to tear some sheets out for Mark. His presence is kind of comforting- like some childhood friend. Wait, what? No- you barely know him. 

You and Mark listen to the rest of the lecture in silence. When it’s time to go, he zips up his backpack before turning to you. He’s extremely red now. He bites his bottom lip, “Hey, I um, I was wondering if we could exchange numbers? I still want to pay you back for the paper and you’re new right? If you’re not, don’t worry about it but I don’t know, I just in case you needed me-ah, never mi-”

Before Mark can turn away, you look at him, “I’d like that. I could use a friend- being a newbie and everything.”

With that, Mark lights up, “Wait, really?”

“Sure.” You hand your phone to him, “Pick a good emoji.”

Mark’s fingers fumble with your phone, catching it in time before almost dropping it. He chuckles nervously, “Don’t worry, I got it-”

You smile, you’re sure your cheeks hurt from it. 

“There you go Mark, you have my number now.”

“Cool. Good. Yeah.”

With that you wave him a curt goodbye, “See you around?”

Mark smiles back at you, teeth gleaming white in between his lips, “Yeah y/n, see you around.”

With that, you go home to your dorm room. When you look out the window before sleeping, you count how many droplets sit on the windowpane. The stormy skies angrily from swirls of obsidian and murky lavenders. You hope that Mark won’t be caught in the rain again tomorrow.

In class the next day, your professor assigns group projects during lecture. Because you happened to sit next to Mark, you were paired up together. You both didn’t mind though. Mark pulls out his notebook and fountain pen, yanking the cap off with his teeth, “So, I wanted to ask if you wanted to go over the project during lunch?” 

You nod at him, “That works for me.”

When class is over, you follow Mark to the university’s cafeteria. It’s teeming with students and professors, lunch hour is always chaotic. Mark points at an empty table by the window, “How about over there?”

Before you can answer him, many voices call Mark’s name. He swivels around to see a group of boys motioning him over to their table. He glances at them before waving them off in refusal. You nudge him slightly, “We can go say hi if you want, I don’t mind.”

Mark runs a hand through his hair, making it stick up in some parts, “Are you sure? I don’t want to take too much of your time?”

“Let’s go, your friends seem nice.”

Mark scoffs, “Please, they’re hardly my friends.”

When you both make your way to your table, you’re greeted by a series of hoots and hollers. Mark introduces each of them. He points at a taller boy, brunette, and as handsome as hollywood’s greatest movie stars, “This is Jeno.”

Jeno smiles at you, his eyes crinkling into crescent moons. You’re sure your heart made flips at that. The loudest boy is named Haechan, jostling Mark by squeezing his thigh jokingly, “Is this your girlfriend?” he asks. You and Mark simultaneously shake your heads, refusing Haechan’s teasing. The next is Renjun, he seems more stoic than the rest. Similar to him, a girl whose hair is the color of burgundy plums sits beside him. Freckles dot her face, contrasted to the blueness of her eyes- you have to admit, she’s very pretty. Still, Mark introduces her as Lana and when you introduce yourself, it’s like daggers are being shot through her eyes. You suspect it has to do with Mark being next to another girl. When you’re finished introducing yourself to everyone, Haechan lets out a burst of laughter, “Y/n’s so sweet, if you don’t take her then I will!” as he slaps Jeno’s shoulder, Jeno rolls his eyes at the boy. Mark stares him down, grabbing your hand, “Y/n and I have a project to work on, we’ll be going now.”

You shout out a quick nice to meet you back to them, your eyes shifting to Mark’s fingers around your wrist. You don’t say anything as you let him drag you to the library- your hand becoming a little clammy. You hope he doesn’t notice it.

Sitting at some empty table near the shelves, he turns back to you, “Sorry about that back there. They’re rambunctious. They must’ve made you uncomfortable right?”

You smile at him, shaking your head, “Not at all really, they seem fun. You’re very lucky.”

Mark’s mouth makes an ‘o’ shape, his eyes widening. You gesture to his fingers, “Mark, you’re still holding me?”

In a flash, Mark drops your hand, his palm flying to his mouth, “Oh god- I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize-”

You place your hands on his shoulders, “Mark. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

He nods slowly, trying to fight the blush that creeps up his neck and his cheeks. He shakes it off, you realize how endearing he is. He sits down, opening up his philosophy books, “So, what should we do for the project?”

You twirl your pen in your hand, “Well, Professor’s prompt was we have to discover the secret of life right? What does that even mean?”

Mark knits his brows together, pouting his lips, “Good question. I think that’s what the assignment is- discovering it for ourselves?”

“How do we do that?”

“Let’s start making a bullet list. I do that when I’m weighing options.”

Mark starts to scribble on his notebook. “What does life mean to you?”

You look at him, your eyes instantly catching his. You have to look away. Life. Weather. Soulmates. Aspects of your world that you can’t fully understand. Your mouth feels dry. You think back to your parents, moments that you play in the dark by yourself, the things that you would do and experience but can’t. The words kind of tumble out from your lips, “Mark, do you believe in soulmates?”

Mark freezes. He sits in silence for a few seconds. He bites his lower lip, “It’s difficult to say. I mean, my parents are soulmates so I’ve just grown up thinking that I’ll have my own one day? But no, I don’t have anyone.”

You nod. You kind of mumble, “Yeah, I don’t have anyone either. I almost don’t want to believe in them.”

“Is there a reason why?”

“Not really, I just don’t get how two people can randomly become synched.” No, it’s because you’re afraid of love. You’re afraid of what will happen if you love someone so hard and they leave. 

“Ah, I see.”

You clear your throat, “Anyways, back to the prompt. What does life mean to you?”

“I think it could be a variety of things, my family, my friends, school? But I’m assuming that Professor doesn’t want generic answers. He said the creative category weighs the most points.”

And then it clicks in your head. Your gift- it’s what ties you back to your mom and your dad, seeing people happy when you are able to bend the weather to your will. You’ve never told anyone before. You thought people would look at you weird if you told them. Should you tell Mark?

Mark scrolls through his phone, long eyelashes accentuating the hood of his eyes. His lips pursed when he presses his fingers to the screen, “Hey- sorry, this is off-topic but what do you think is going on with the weather? Like one day it’s a hurricane and then sunny the next. Everyone’s talking about it on Twitter.”

“Mark, can I show you something?”

Mark snaps his head up, “Is everything okay?”

You smile, “Just trust me.”

You hand him his belongings as he messily shoves them into his backpack, “Where are we going?”

“Just don’t freak out.”

Mark makes a face at you, “When you say that it makes me freak out.”

You lead Mark to the roof terrace of the university, climbing the stairs in the pouring rain. People below run under the canopies as they use their books to avoid the rain. Mark gulps, “You know, I’m not the best with heights-”

You plant your feet on the ground, clasping your hands together. In your head, you repeat the words like a mantra, “I want sunshine today, let the heavens be sunny upon us.”

And like instant magic, glowing white rays start to sear the blackened clouds, the rain starting to cease. In the middle of the dark ocean above, patches of deep blue begin to emerge. Mark runs to the terrace railing, “Holy shit- are you doing that?”

When the rain is completely dissipated, you glance at Mark who’s staring at you with utter awe in his eyes, “I’m going crazy right? Is this some weird trip or something?” Mark’s voice cracks, his fingers clenching the base of his throat. 

You shake your head, “No, this is my gift. You’re the only person who knows about it.”

“You have the power to make it stop raining?”

“Not only that, but all weather forms. Whenever I pray.”

Mark clasps his hands together too, closing his eyes as he murmurs types of weather, “How come it’s not working for me? I go to church all the time with my family.”

You sock his arm, “No silly, it’s not normal for everyone. Just me.”

Mark lets out an elongated whoa, “How long have you had this gift?”

Suddenly, your throat turns hoarse, “Since my mom died.”

He stammers, his words coming out in a  trail of apologies, “I’m so sorry, I didn't know- I-”

“It was a long time ago. Still, I think I was given this gift to carry on my parents’ legacy, their connection of being soulmates even.”

Mark nods quietly. “That’s so cool. I’ve never met a weather girl before.”

You laugh at his nickname, “Weather girl huh? Has a nice ring to it.”

“I’ll change that to your contact name, you can bet on that.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“So, what do you do with your gift? How do you know when to change weather patterns?”

“That’s the thing. I don’t. When I walk around and I see or hear that someone need’s weather for a specific day, I try to help them out. I thought I’d try to do something good.”

Mark runs his fingers over his hair, “That’s amazing. That’s so admirable of you to do that.”

“It’s what my parents would have wanted. I do it for them too.”

Mark stands up straight, his finger pointing at you. It looks as if a light bulb is going off, “Say- I have an idea for our project. What if we started a business?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Hear me out- we can call it Weather Girl Service. We can talk about money management and leadership skills in life, because that’s what adults do right? Pay taxes and bills?”

You laugh at his silly idea, “But why Weather Girl Service?”

Mark hops excitedly up and down, “We can make job postings in the city and have people pay us by the hour if you change the weather to fit their occasion! We’d be rich by the end of it! But wait- only if you agree, I don’t want to make you do something like that if you don’t want to.”

Shrugging your shoulders, you smile at him, “I’m up for it if you are. I don’t mind.”

“Really?! Are you sure?!” Mark looks like an overly-excited school boy, his backpack jumbled because of how fast he’s jumping. He scrunches his nose, fistpumping the air, “We’re so getting an A on this.”

“Yes, I sure hope so!”

With that, you and Mark plan to meet at your dorm room the next day to get started on the project. He texts you later that night, “3 pm sharp right?”

“Yes sir, 3p m- my room.”

“Alrighty, see you tomorrow!”

When 3 pm comes, Mark stands at your door, his hands full with a box of materials and supplies. 

You giggle, “You sure got reinforcements.”

“I have to be prepared!”

For the next several hours, you and Mark spend time designing different posters and infographics to upload online and staple to bulletin boards. Mark’s got a mark cap in his mouth, brows knit in concentration as he writes on his notebook.

Mark snaps his fingers together, “How about this: Weather girl at your service, you call and we’ll be there to help you get the memories that you want- birthdays, grad parties, work events, you name it! Submit your info to this number here!”

You flash him a thumbs up, “It’s perfect. I love it.”

All day you and Mark run around the city- posting your posters and fliers from anywhere you can find. You post them on benches, town hall bulletin boards, and the street lamps that line the sidewalk. And the whole time, you never take your eyes off Mark’s wide smile and sparkling eyes. You don’t catch that whenever you’re turned away, Mark glances at you to admire your features, your hair, and everything in between. Around 6pm, you walk beside Mark on one of the bridges that extends over the river. The sun sets in the horizon, colors of sharp marigolds and blush pinks paint the sky above. There was no way that you and Mark were going to run around the city in rain. Sighing out, you watch the sun cast a faint glow on Mark’s cheeks and the slender of his nose, making him out to be a painting that belongs in the museum. It’s almost like if you took a paintbrush that you could paint him yourself just to memorize it.

Mark fists the air in victory, “We had a very productive day today, don’t you think?”

You nod, “Of course. I don’t think anyone can resist our offer.” 

“Thanks for doing this with me.”

You’re suddenly caught off guard by Mark’s gratitude, though it is not too out of character. “I had fun today with you.”

Mark smiles at the ground, twirling when he walks like he’s skipping to the beat of his favorite song. You hear him mumble a cute, “Me too.”

For the rest of the way, Mark walks you back home to your dorm room. Even though you told him you were fine, he still insisted. 

“Well, this is me.” you say.

Mark scratches his nape, readjusting the strap of his backpack, “I’ll see you tomorrow then. The grand opening.”

You nod, “Yes, bright and early.”

You turn away from him as he watches you enter your building. You instantly wish that you could’ve placed a hasty peck to his cheek. It seemed irresistible in the moment. Though, you remind yourself to not get too comfortable. Little did you know that Mark spent the whole night thinking about you.

>But if I had met you today

Would I have loved you the same?

And if I had known it would take

Ten years and twenty-two days to stop loving you

Stop loving you, no

First day of business

“Mark, is this yours?”

Mark sits in the driver’s seat of his sunny yellow van- the kind that you’d make deliveries in. It looks bright under the gloomy, rainy skies.  He honks his horn obnoxiously once and twice as he scrunches his eyes together before saying, “Get in loser, we’re going shopping!”

Laughing, you launch yourself into the seat before Mark takes off with a faster speed. You shout, “If I die in a car accident today, half of the money we make goes to my aunt okay?”

Mark playfully rolls his eyes, “Stop it y/n, I’m the best driver in town!”

“Yeah, right-”

The first stop happens to be one of Mark’s dad’s friends. He requested that he was going to surprise his wife with an anniversary dinner and needed sunshine for that specific hour: Saturday, 6pm. When you arrived at the pretty farm home, the man greeted Mark instantly when you got out of the van. He shook your hand, eyes anticipating, “Is it true? You can really change the weather?”

You smile at him, “You need to see it to believe it and I’m here to deliver.”

The man puts his hand on Mark’s shoulder, “Here’s the compensation for your work today. I have to ask one favor of you.”

Mark quirks his eyebrow up, handing the wad of cash to you, “What’s that?”

“My wife and I want some private time, we’ve paid you extra so that you can watch our daughter?”

Mark’s jaw drops, “Watch your daughter? As in baby sit?”

“Yes, that’s right. We will give as much as you need.”

Mark runs a hand through his hair, his eyes widened, “I don’t think-”

Before Mark can answer, you cut in, “We’d love to. What time does she need to be back?”

“8 pm.”

“Deal.”

Mark stands next to you, his face utterly flabbergasted from your confidence of the deal. You can tell that he’s freaking out inside. He’s panicking and it shows on his face. 

“Mari, please come out! One second-”

Through the front door, the man guides his 7 year old daughter to you both. And you’re sure that your heart does flips when you see her. She’s dressed in a princess dress, her eyes fluttering from sleep. She’s the spitting image of her father. She drags a blue blanket in one hand, rubbing her green eyes, “Daddy?”

Her dad motions to you and Mark, “You’ll be hanging out with Mark and y/n today. Mommy and I will be back in a few hours.”

“Okay..”

The man tells you about everything you need to know, when Mari needs to go to the bathroom, what she likes to eat, and every little thing she likes to do. 

“I think we’re all set now, any questions?”

You shake your head, “No sir, we’ll have her back by 8.”

He nods at you, “Good, see you both later.”

With that, Mari is left in yours and Mark’s hands. You crouch down to her level, waving at her lightly, “Hi Mari, my name’s y/n. Me and Mark will take you out today okay?”

The girl slowly blinks, clutching her blue blanket even tighter, “Are you my mommy for today?”

How have you not exploded from her adorableness yet? “Yes, just for a little bit until your real mommy comes back.”

She reaches up to cling to Mark’s pant leg, plopping down to sit on his shoe, “And you’re my daddy today?”

Mark glances down at her and back to you. He squeezes his eyes in mock pain, running his hand over his hair, “Sure, I’m your daddy.”

You nudge him, whispering, “She’s a kid, try to be nice.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

When you hop back in the van, you have Mari sit in your lap as you place the seatbelt over her body, making sure she is secure. Mark revs up the engine, driving slowly to the next location of requests. It doesn’t take long for Mari to fall asleep on your chest, you coo at her peaceful face. 

“I’m not good with kids- what did we get ourselves into?”

“Don’t be such a worry-wart! She’s so cute, look at her!”

“Can’t, I’m driving.”

“Don’t be grumpy Mark, you’ll have a family with your soulmate one day.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in soulmates.”

“Agh- you know what I mean.”

“Will she be okay when we’re working? We have 2 more requests to do.”

“She’ll be fine, relax.”

The next destination you arrive at is a farmer’s market at the heart of downtown. When Mark parks the car, you wake Mari, “Mari? Mark and I have to work so you just stick with me okay?”

Mari mumbles a disoriented reply, her cheek still resting on your shoulder. You arrive at a fruit stand where an older woman approaches you, “Mark and y/n?”

Mark smiles at her, “That’s us- you called the Weather Girl Delivery Service?”

“Yes. The other farmers didn’t want to believe me but I swear, I wanted to take a chance with this. As you can see, we can’t have our market with all this constant flooding and rain. It’s like the weather’s been on steroids.”

Mark flashes her with a thumbs up, “That’s why we’re here, we’ll get to work right away.”

“Y/n?”

You step forward to Mark, “You’ll have to hold her.”

Mark’s eyes widen with surprise, “Uh, okay.”

He cradles sleeping Mari so awkwardly, you have to guide his hands to support her bottom, “Mark, you have to hold her up or she’ll slip.”

Mark fumbles with his hands before adjusting her so her chin is on his shoulder, “I got her, don’t worry.”

You nod before making your way to the center of the market. Clasping your hands together once more, you pray that the sunshine will blow away the cyclone of the shadows and falling rains. Miraculously, it does. When you turn around, the woman stands next to Mark in awe spreading her arms out in glee, “It works! Haha! Take that you old goons!”

The rest of the farmers stand under the shade of the fruit stand, grumbling at the woman’s victory. You give her a hug once she sends you off with a wad of cash and three freshly squeezed juices for all three of you. When you settle back into the car, Mari still stays rested on your lap.

“See, that wasn’t so bad.”

Mark rolls his eyes, a smirk plastered on his lips, “Okay, you win this time.”

“By the way, is this your first time holding a child?”

Mark laughs, “Don’t even patronize me right now.”

The third destination is a bit more serene. You arrive at an elderly woman’s home, her home similar to that of your aunt’s cottage. It’s decorated with wood and bamboo shoots, bells and windchimes hang from the roof shingles. Knocking on the door, the woman greets you. She’s an elderly Japanese woman, hair tied into a loose bun as she motions you to come inside with her cane, “Come in, come in.”

You both slip off your shoes, Mari awake as if sleep was a distant memory. The woman leads you to her dining room, pots of orchids and perilla leaves grow all over the counters and sink. There’s colorful painted murals of people and sceneries on the walls, smeared from the passing of time. History moves within the walls in a series of blurred colors. 

“Something to drink, kids?”

You and Mark decline, prompting Mari to mumble, “I’m thirsty.”

You hear the rumbling noise from Mari’s stomach, it is around lunch time. You ask for the woman for a glass of water but she waves you off with a smile. Instead, she cuts a slice of peach pie for Mari, the crust smells of cinnamon and nutmeg. She passes a pitcher of lemonade to you and Mark, sucking on lemon slices as she works.

Mark sits next to you on the bench by the dining table, “Thank you for the hospitality mam’, there’s no need to pay us for your request.”

You smile at Mark’s words, not wanting to take from the elderly woman either. When she’s done putting away the pie, she meanders over to you slowly as she pats down Mari’s silky black hair, “You kids are awfully young to have a child.”

Mark chokes on his tea, sputtering the liquid into his glass. It sends him into a coughing fit, “S-she isn’t our child- we’re just watching her for the day.”

You jokingly hit Mark’s back to get him to stop choking, “Oh no, we’re not married either- we’re just friends.”

The woman raises her brow like she knows some unspoken secret, “Friends?”

You and Mark glance at each other before awkwardly averting eyes. Even Mari talks with her mouthful of pie, “They’re my mommy and daddy for today!”

Mark mutters, “I’m not your real dad..”

The elderly woman is amused, her smile creating creases on her cheeks and on her temples, “Are you two at least soulmates?”

This time, you answer her almost too hastily, “No! We’re only classmates- friends- that’s all.”

Mark looks at you, the sparkle in his eyes dimming a bit. Was that disappointment? Hurt? His shoulders are drooping and his lips are pressed into a thin line. Did you say something wrong? It was a fact though, you and Mark weren’t soulmates.

You try to brush it off. The woman leans on her cane, “I need you kids for your strength. I would do it myself but as you can see, I’m not as young as I used to be. Help me move the orchids out back.”

Mark makes his way to the kitchen sink, roots overgrown on the counter top. You move Mari off your lap before turning to the elderly woman, “Could you please watch her?”

The elderly woman chuckles, “Sure, I have enough pie to keep her distracted.”

You politely thank her, making your way over to where Mark is putting the orchids into glass vases. He doesn’t say a word. You nudge him with your elbow a bit, “Is everything okay?”

His eyes are trained on his busied hands, “Mhm.”

“Mark, you don’t seem okay.”

“Nope, everything’s good y/n. Are you alright?”

“Well yeah, but..”

Mark bites his lower lip, “Good.”

He grabs both vases in his hands before walking over to the sliding door, leaving you alone with your thoughts. He definitely wasn’t okay, you don’t want to push him any further. Instead, you pot the rest of the succulents and flowers in the kitchen.

“You know, that boy likes you.”

You turn around to see Mari snuggling up to the elderly woman, her dimples popping out from smiling. 

“Mark? No, we’re just partners for a school project.”

“That may be true but I’ve lived a long time, I know what love looks like. After all, I had a soulmate too.”

You lean against the edge of the counter, picking off the stray leaves off stems, “Let me guess- they left?”

“To the afterlife if that’s what you’re referring to.”

You stay silent. You’re not sure what to say. 

“Child, have you been hurt in the past?”

You snap your head up at her, setting the flowers down, “Why do you ask that?”

She clicks her tongue, “Being ignorant to feelings doesn’t count as being oblivious. Don’t let your past rip you of your opportunities.”

Your eyes shift to Mark standing outside, he sticks his hand out in the rain, water droplets crashing against his palm. 

“With all due respect, you don’t know what I’ve been through.”

“Shoot it at me. Guilt? Sadness? Grief? You forget I’m old. I’ve seen things.”

Mari pokes her arm, playing with the ribbon on the woman’s sleeve, “Can I have more pie?”

The woman frowns down at her, “You’ll be sick if you eat so much pie, wait for dinner.”

Mari huffs in response, brows furrowed in annoyance. 

“My point is, y/n, you have to learn to accept outcomes and heal. Don’t be stuck on your mistakes and your missed trials. Learn and grow from them. Ask yourself of purpose. Why are you doing this project? Why with that boy?”

Before you can answer her, you’re about to say it’s for the grade, maybe for the extra money. Deep down, you know that it isn’t that. You turn to look at Mark outside. He’s standing in the middle of the woman’s Japanese garden, eyes shut under the falling rain. And you swear, you’ve never seen anyone who’s any more beautiful. He looks so peaceful standing there, hair becoming wet from it. It reminds you of that day. 

She continues, “In my time, I’d normally enjoy the rain. But, my flowers are dying so I need you to bring the sun for today. I haven’t felt that ever since the city’s been raining non-stop.”

You nod, you know what you must do. You stroll over to the sliding door, opening it up to the garden. You approach Mark in the middle of the grass, watching him as he sticks his tongue out. When he opens his eyes, he jumps from being startled by you, “Whoa, how long have you been standing there?”

“Not long, I just wanted you to enjoy the rain about longer before I- you know.”

“Oh, right, go ahead.”

You do what you do best.The old woman steps onto her porch, Mari flying past her to catch up with you and Mark. You savor the coldness, the breeze, and the scents of drenched flowers. You want to try something new, something that you can see and feel all in one moment. In our head, you visualize a million colors. You think about the walls of the elderly woman’s home and the sunset glow on Mark’s face, your mother’s familiar smile. You think about Mari’s laugh and all the people you’ve made happy today. It paints tangerine oranges and lavender streaks, explosions of electric blues and sparkling greens. Clasping your hands together, you wish on the stars to send your vision into the sky. When you open your eyes, Mark’s holding Mari in his arms as her mouth falls open from the view. It worked. The sky above your heads has become an ocean of color strokes, clouds and stars swirling together. It’s the best configuration you’ve ever made. It looks like a real-life kaleidoscope. 

“Holy shi-”

Mark stops his words when he feels Mari’s small finger poking his cheek, “Look at what y/n made!”

You smile, pressing your hand to Mari’s head, “I made it for you! Do you like it?”

Mari squeals, “ Yes! Yes! Daddy, lift me higher!”

Your eyes fall on Mark’s. He gives you a knowing smile, eyes soft with adoration and glittering under the shooting stars. He lifts Mari onto his shoulders, “Hang on tight!”

She yelps, placing her hands on his head, “I want to catch the stars!”

Mark begins to spin around lightly, making airplane noises from his mouth. You laugh at the sight, turning to look back at the elderly woman. She winks at you, leaning on the pillar of her makeshift watering station for her succulents. After playing around under the cosmos, you finally greet the elderly woman goodbye, thanking her for her advice. Though you and Mark refuse, she shoves her cash into your hands, telling Mark to treat you- she says you're both welcome to her home anytime. Afterwards, you and Mark drop Mari at home as promised. You feel your heart swell when Mari starts to cry, Mark pressing a kiss to her cheek before setting her into her father’s arms. He assures her that you and Mark will come to visit sometime, inviting you both to dinner in the future. Of course you agree. 

Mark drives you back to campus, walking you to your doorstep as always. He pulls out the money, splitting it evenly in half before handing it to you, “Your share as promised of course.”

You nod, taking the cash from him, “You know, doing this job- money is a bonus but I’m not doing it for that.”

Mark chuckles, his hands in his denim pockets, “I’m glad we can make people happy.”

A silent beat. “You know, uh, about earlier- I didn’t mean to come off weird. I think I was just in my head about something, I’m not sure.”

You’re not usually someone who makes the first move. The first leap. Mark doesn’t even have the slightest clue about what he’s doing to you, how he makes you feel. Do you like him? You’re almost certain of the feelings. You step forward, your nose almost brushed against his chest. Gingerly and slowly, your fingers find Mark’s hand, it makes him gulp from the sudden contact. His eyes are widened in confusion and you think he’s forgotten how to breathe. Looking up at him, you say, “It’s fun doing this with you- I’d rather not do it with anyone else.”

Mark nods but doesn’t say anything. His hands are shaking. You can hear the erratic beating in his chest and it takes every bone in his body not to grab your face and kiss you right on the spot. When he doesn’t say anything, maybe you think that you’ve scared him. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same way. You step back a bit, the air becoming less tense, “I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

“Okay, yeah.”

Mark opens his mouth to say something more but you’ve already shut the door. In Mark’s head, he’s let out a string of curses. Why didn’t he do something? Why didn’t he say something? Why is he such a coward? He asks himself. Is it the right time? What if you don’t feel the same way?”

All night, he beats himself up for it, tossing and turning in his bed. 

The next couple months in your university fly by. Ever since that night, you and Mark continued as if nothing ever happened. One thing that did change was a gloomy, ominous blanket over the city- it almost felt apocalyptic in a sense. Weather forecasters predicted that with such heavy and continuous rains- the flooding, the city would be underwater in the next coming year. There might be an evacuation.

Still, you took it upon yourself to savor the time you would have left in the city. One of the things on your list was you wanted to get to know Mark’s world better. You know that he can’t eat dairy, he absolutely hates the texture of yogurt and he’s able to eat watermelon flavoring by the shot. It’s gross but it sounds like him. You and Mark eat at all your favorite lunch spots, watch comedies in the theaters, and hang out in each other's rooms. The business is going well, more and more people submit their requests for sunny days and sunsets, sometimes purposeful rain to play in. Mark drives in his sunny yellow van, sticking your hand out the window as your favorite songs blare from the speakers. You even have dinner at Mari's house. Her parents are shocked to hear that you and Mark aren’t together yet. The blush on your cheeks are the shade of ripe cherries. At the school, you sit with Mark’s friends practically for every meal. Everyone is fond of you, except Lana. Every time Mark tells stories about wacky customers or talks about how excited he is because you both received an A in philosophy class, Lana gives you a look. Vice versa, Mark glares at Haechan whenever he gets too close to you, he doesn’t say anything.

 You and Mark had started the business in the summer, the weather outside is more autumn-like now. You have to wear a scarf to class because of how chilly it is.  Leaves change to shades of burgundies and browns, falling off trees when they’re ready- it almost signifies the start of a new season- a new chapter of your life. 

Autumn

>Where did the time go?

You became someone I used to know

Where did the time go?

When you became someone I used to know

Used to know, used to know, used to know

Business Partner Mark Lee: “Y/n, the boys and I got tickets to the new amusement park. Wanna come?”

You text Mark back during your statistics class, “Of course, I’ll be there.”

Business Partner Mark Lee: “Meet us there at 6 pm. After that, can we talk? I need to ask you about something.”

“Okay.”

Going back to your dorm room, you walk with a pep in your step. You wonder about what Mark wants to talk to you about. Will he finally say something? Is it about the business? Does he think you’re too mean with your teasing? Anyway, you dress up in a cute outfit of your choice- nice shoes, a cotton knit sweater, and a corduroy skirt. You even tie your hair with ribbons that Mark gave you as a congratulation for 100 customers' gifts. You bought him a guitar pick then. 

By the time you reach the amusement park, you meet up with Haechan, Renjun, Jeno, and Jisung. Chenle had choir practice and Jaemin was on a date with some girl. Mark and Lana are nowhere to be found. 

“Hey, guys.”

Haechan sees you first, swinging his arm over your shoulders, “There she is- beautiful y/n.”

You attempt to push his weight off, “Haechan, you’re heavy- you’re going to break my shoulder bone.”

Jeno laughs, “I don’t think that’s actually possible.”

Renjun jumps in, “What should we do first? Ferris wheel? Laser tag? Mini-golf?”

“We’re not doing rollercoasters, not the upside down ones.” Jisung rolls his eyes, chewing his mint flavored gum.

Haechan smirks, “Jeez Jisung, you’re no fun- you can stay on the ground and video record us like a grandma.”

Renjun shoves Haechan, “I’m with Jisung on that one, unless you want puke all over your expensive jacket.”

“Fine, me and y/n will be up there.” Haechan leans down to whisper in your ear, “If you get scared, you can hang on to me.”

You awkwardly pat Haechan’s chest, “I don’t think that’ll be necessary, thank you.” Haechan raises his eyebrows, his lips upturned in a smirk, “Whatever you say, y/n.”

You know that Haechan has a crush on you. Jeno and Jisung had told you so out of curiosity but doubted it from the start- they knew you had your eyes on Mark the entire time. Haechan could never compete. 

“Where’s Mark and Lana?”

Renjun snaps his fingers, his eyes lighting up, “Oh yeah- Mark told me he was picking up Lana. I think they were hanging out before this.”

Haechan responds, “I’m not surprised. I think Mark will ask her out today, their families have known each other since birth.”

Your heart sinks. Oh, so there was someone else. It’s probably why Mark brushed you off that day. Probably why he’s never said anything since. You feel a bit sick in your stomach and you haven’t gone any roller coaster yet. You had spent this whole time pining for someone who’s not going to like you even as close as you like them. It’s been one-sided.

You’re interrupted from your thoughts when Jisung waves excitedly at Mark and Lana, both of them side by side. You feel weird about it. Renjun straight up, his finger pointing to the air, “Let’s do laser tag first, I call dibs being team captain.”

Jeno laughs, his eyes crinkling when he does, “Then I’m the other team captain.”

“Hey, y/n.” Mark comes up from behind you.

“Hey Mark. Hey Lana.”

 Lana says a barely audible, “Hey.”

Once you’re all split into teams, it goes like this: Jeno’s the captain of your team, you, Haechan and Lana are on team red. Team blue consists of Renjun as captain, Mark and Jisung. To compensate for the lack of team members, team blue gets a head start in hiding. When the game begins, you just try to have your best to have fun. You dodge around the glow in the dark pillars, aiming your gun at Renjun as he angrily fists the air from running out of ammo. Haechan and Jisung fight off to the death, freezing each other out. By the time the hour is done, it’s down to you, Lana and Mark. You try to devise a plan with her but she doesn’t seem to engage with you. All she tells you is, “I’ll get Mark out.”

Was that a warning? A phrase of double meaning? Maybe you’re just overthinking it because of envy. Down to the last three seconds, Lana and Mark face off in the middle of the playground. Before Lana shoots him, Mark fires first- the obnoxiously blaring alarm sounding off team blue’s victory. Jeno throws his gun down in frustration, you pat his back in comfort as you watch Mark laugh with Lana and Renjun. Who were you kidding? 

Haechan shouts, “Let’s go on the dragon ball coaster next!”

When you’re all in line for the coaster, Haechan whispers a joke about the man who’s dressed as a clown a few feet away, enticing park-goers into the circus tent. You laugh at the joke. To Mark, he’s burning with jealousy. He watches when Haechan, his friend’s lips almost touch your ear, your giggle from Haechan’s flirting. Mark tightens his fist, averting his eyes from a scene. He has yet to tell you but he’s waiting for the right moment. He doesn’t want to come off as the overly-jealous boyfriend when you aren’t his. He snaps out of it when Lana tugs his arm, “Can we go in the tunnel? I’m not good with coasters.”

Before Mark can answer, Renjun jokingly gags, “The tunnel of love? You guys are bound to moochie mooch in there huh?”

When Renjuns says such a thing, you don’t hear any of Haechan’s jokes anymore. You don’t hear the sound of Jeno jostling Jisung and Jisung whining about it. You just wait for Mark’s response. He stares back at you in silence, Haechan even stops talking to look at Mark looking at you. Your eyes trail down to see Lana’s clutch on Mark’s arm, tightening when she makes eye contact with you, “Mark?”

You can’t hold it in. It just falls out from your lips, “You two should go, there’s limited seats in the coaster cars anyway since we have an odd number.”

It’s like someone’s fed you bitter medicine. You grimace at your words, almost regretting them instantly. Jeno and Jisung give you a knowing look, they know. Haechan laughs, “Very true point y/n, you guys can head along.”

Mark ducks under the cue line, Lana scrambling to follow after him. Everytime she tries to cling on to him, Mark removes her hands politely, declining. It makes you feel even worse. Jisung and Jeno carry on with their conversation. Haechan looks at the pair, “They make a good couple don’t they?”

You just nod. Maybe they do. After the roller coaster ride, you don’t feel any better. Jeno and Haechan are screaming to go again and Renjun and Jisung opt to go get snacks at the candy shop by the merry go round. Haechan nudges you, “Let’s go again?”

You smile at them, “Actually, I think I’m going to go home. I don’t feel well- I think I ate something that expired this morning.”

Jeno frowns, “Are you sure? We can take you home if you want.”

Waving your hands in refusal, “No, no, you guys have fun- I’ll see you in class on Monday.”

You begin to walk away from them, a rising feeling in your stomach. You dig your fingernails into the skin of your hands. Do not cry right now. Mark’s just one person. But you know that it hurts too much to forget about him. You almost don’t hear it when Haechan is shouting at you to wait up, grabbing your wrist.

“Y/n? Can we talk? Oh-”

It’s too late. The dam is broken, your tears are starting to blur your vision. Not right now, not in front of Haechan. 

“Y/n.. what’s wrong?”

You sniffle, swiping at your eyes, “Nothing. I’m okay, I’m just tired and stressed about the business.”

Haechan’s face softens, he’s fiddling with the zipper on his expensive suede jacket, “I know this isn’t a good time but if I don’t say it now, I don’t think I can. I really, I mean really, like-”

You cut him off, “You like me. Right?”

Haechan becomes still. He freezes, slow blinking, “How did you know?”

“Any girl who can’t see it is more than oblivious. And, I appreciate it. I love you but not in the romantic way. I love you because you’re kind to me, you’re witty, and you make everyone in this group so happy. But I-I just I can’t- ”

“It’s Mark right? Jeno and Jisung told me.”

An awkward beat. You two don’t say a word. It’s just silence between you two, tears falling from your face and onto the pavement. Your nose is running and you’re sure that the other park-goers who pass by are staring at you two like some spectacle. 

“I’m sorry, Haechan. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Hacehan sighs, looking up at the blush pink sky that’s being consumed by inky storm clouds, thunder beckoning rain in the distance. He thinks to himself, I knew it was Mark all along. Why did he even bother? At the time, he thought it was worth the shot. Now, he looks at your crying face, the way your long hair falls over your ears. He takes it upon himself to put one strand behind your ear, wiping your tears with the pad of his thumb, “How could you hurt me? We’re friends and I’ll always care about you. I’ll be okay.”

You stare back at him, it makes the crack in your heart widen. The world is so unfair. It’s unfair to you and to Haechan, to your family. At least, Haechan has a chance of finding a soulmate who isn’t as broken as you. He’ll find some nice girl to laugh at his jokes, tease him when he whines, and buys him video games every holiday. You stand on your tippy toes because of how tall he is, pressing a lingering kiss to his cheek. You whisper, “You’re going to find a soulmate who will love you for eternity- I’m sure of it.”

>I think we must’ve known how it ended

When we wrote it on a napkin with tears and a pen

A couple of kids who pretended

Until it felt real in our heads

Haechan stares at the ground, not saying a word. You take off running, tears running down your face like it matches the hard beating in your chest. It always ends up like this. It’s like the world can’t give you one piece of happiness. You decide to walk home. Call it melancholy or stupid because you can catch a cold, but you’re not in the mood to ask anyone for a ride. You walk on the streets alone, rain coming hard on you. Your hair, your outfit, all of it soaked. And you’re sure that you’ve lost one of your hair ribbons from running. You don’t have strength in you to wish for sunshine. Concerned mothers ask if they can buy you an umbrella and you just decline politely. It hurts, the smell of the rain and mixing of your tears. Your feet are blistered and drenched. In your pocket, your phone vibrates continuously. Mark’s asking where you are and you don’t have it in you to see his stupidly dumb, dorky, adorable face. 

Dragging your feet along the pavement, the rain only comes down harder. There’s barely anyone on the streets and cars zip by, splashing puddles onto the cement. Your lungs are choked up from your sobs. That’s when you hear it, a voice calling out to you from a distance. You don’t want to turn around but you can’t stop yourself from doing so. You can’t resist it.

>I guess I don't really know who you are now

I guess that we met with our heads in the clouds

So I look for your name and I say it out loud

Maybe that makes you real

I don’t know how to feel

I guess I don’t really know who you are now

I guess that we met with our heads in the clouds

So I look for your name and I say it out loud

Maybe that makes you real

I don't know how to feel

“Wait! y/n!”

You freeze in your tracks, your back faced to the boy who’s ran all this way to catch up to you. He’s got his hands on his knees, coughing from how fast he had to move. You still don’t turn around, you just feel it. “Let’s talk Monday, I’m not in the mood.” You speak slowly so he can’t recognize the cracks in your voice. 

You feel Mark step closer to you, “Why’d you leave? I was going to talk to you, remember?”

You can’t hold it in anymore. You turn around, your tears blurring the vision of a rain-soaked Mark in front of you, “I can’t do this with you anymore!”

Mark freezes, his eyes trained on you. He doesn’t even blink. He stands a few feet away, a crushed and now wet gift box in his hand. “Y/n, just tell me what’s wrong.”

You sigh, trying to breathe air into your lungs, “All this time, I don’t know what I feel. I’m so confused about all of it. You’re confusing me!”

“What are you talking about?”

“God, I’m so stupid!” You wipe your tears, the thunder roaring above your heads. The water doesn’t cease at all. The weather matches the burn in your heart. You heave, continuing, “I have to go. See you in class,  Mark.”

Before you can walk away, you feel a firm hand on your wrist. 

“Y/n. Look at me.”

You whimper, “I can’t,”

“I said look at me.”

Reluctantly, you face Mark, he’s still holding your wrist. You gaze up at him. His hair is matted against his forehead, cold droplets on his cheeks and trailing down to his chin. His jacket looks heavy and now, there’s barely space in between you. It all happens so fast, he drops the white gift box to the ground, clasping both of his hands on both sides of your face. He’s so close. You can feel the warmth of his breath, see every detail that makes him himself, every little memory and trait. 

You search for some sort of sign, trying to calculate his next move, “What are you-”

He cuts you off by smashing his lips onto yours, powerfully and desperately. You melt and your mind’s being clouded by foggy thoughts, his arms supporting you by holding your body up. You’re surprised your knees haven’t given up yet. Mark molds his lips to yours, it’s a back and forth of wet, open-mouthed kisses under the crash of the rain. You both don’t mind. He continues to kiss you like that, eyes shut, pressing his lips harder and harder until you can’t breathe. Your fingers claw through his soaked hair, noses against cheeks, and you reel back to gain more access. His hands move to the make of your neck, his thumb swiping over your cheek. He groans when your tongue meets his, your bodies becoming hot despite the icy crystals falling down on you. You part from him, Mark chasing your lips in response, “Let’s go home and then we’ll talk.”

He swipes the remainder of your tears away, you nod. The whole time you walk home, Mark doesn’t let go of your hand. In fact, he holds your body close to his. You decide to go to Mark’s room tonight. He shuts his door, handing you a towel, “You shower first. I’ll go after.”

You protest, “I’m okay- I don’t really have anything to wear anyway.”

Mark throws one of his t-shirts and a pair of basketball shorts at you, “Wear these, I don’t want you to get sick.”

You smile, “Thanks.”

After a nice long, hot shower- the rain seems more peaceful outside of Mark’s dorm room window. The only light source he has is a lamp that sits on his desk, the print on the lampshade covered with lions. He must’ve had that when he was little. When Mark’s down showering, he wears a grey hoodie and sweatpants and you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want to kiss Mark again. He sits on his bed next to you, moving his guitar out of the way, “So, what happened?”

You sigh, “When I saw you with Lara, I couldn’t, I don’t know, see you with someone else.” Mark chuckles, “Were you jealous?”

You look at him in the dark, punching his arm slightly, “No- don’t even dream of it.”

“What if I told you I was jealous of Haechan?”

You narrow your eyes at him, “You were?”

Mark rolls his eyes, “Are you kidding? He was practically whispering in your ear and being so close, you know he likes your right? He told me and I told him to go for it but I messed up, I shouldn’t have.”

You play with the frayed thread on Mark’s t-shirt, “He told me, I turned him down.”

“Why?”

“Ugh, you know why.”

Mark presses his finger to his eyes, covering his nose in embarrassment, “I like you y/n.”

You don’t even register when he says it. 

You were still talking about something but you pause when Mark’s words echo in your head, “After that kiss? I was hoping that’s what you were going to say.”

You and Mark erupt into a giggling fit, shoving each other. Then Mark pulls out something from behind him, it’s the squashed white gift box. He bites his lip, causing it to glow pink, “I was planning on telling you today and giving you this but someone took off.”

“Sorry about that.”

Mark shakes his head, grinning. He pulls out a tiny, gold necklace that’s in the shape of a sun. Even in the dark, it glimmers. You touch it tenderly, afraid it’ll break in your fingertips, “You got this for me?”

Mark nods, “Can I put it on?”

You turn your back to him, holding up your hair in a ponytail for his nimble fingers to clasp the necklace onto your neck. The cold metal of it soothes your skin. 

You touch it, running your fingers over the charm, “It’s beautiful, thank you. For the record, I like you too Mark.”

But in the back of your mind, there’s that shadow that always remains. It takes the form of fear, uncertainty- telling you that you do not deserve happiness or you do not deserve to love anyone. Still, it doesn’t stop Mark from leaning over to you and kissing you once again. He uses his fingers to trace your hair and the hollow of your neck, the side of your arm. It makes you shiver, it makes goosebumps rise in hills. You grasp his black locks, lips once again moving in a syncopated wave. Mark mumbles several hums, addicted to the taste of the way your lips feel. You want Mark. You want him so badly it kills you. You’re afraid to fall and it makes you want it even more. Pulling his hoodie, you fold your legs over his lap, straddling him. It makes him heated, blush spotting his cheeks and his neck. He runs his soft hands over the skin of your thighs and traces the waistband of your shorts. You’re trying your best not to lose self-control. It goes out the window when he removes his hoodie, his skin glowing under the lamp light. 

You run your thumb across his collarbone and the curves of his abdomen and chest like you’re connecting constellations. You press your swollen lips to the base of his collarbone, rubbing your hand on the warm skin of his shoulder, “Have I ever told you that you’re gorgeous?

”Mark doesn’t answer, he’s busy tipping his head back, shutting his eyes from the feel of your lips on his skin. He opens his eyes before leaning over to move your hair behind your ear once again, nibbling on your earlobe. You accidentally moan when he moves to the juncture of your neck, it turns Mark on even more. He swipes his tongue by the base of your neck, “I.” A kiss. Don’t know if.” A kiss. “You remember this.” A kiss. Mark parts away to finish his sentence, “I remember you from that night at the hospital. Do you remember me?”

That’s when you snap out of it. You gaze back at him, replaying everything in your head. Your mom. The shrine. The gift. The sun and the rain. You slide off his lap, touching the area of your shoulder. The shadow in your mind, the voice in your mind telling you not to give in.

“Y/n? Is everything okay?”

You nod, “Yes, I remember you. When we first met, I said that we didn’t because everything that day was so blurry that I cut it out of my memories. But for what it is, I remember you.”

Mark looks sad, immediately regretting he even brought it up. You mold your hand to his cheek, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m glad I met you back then, that will never change.”

Mark opens his mouth to say something but closes it when he finds a spot pinging, a tiny glow appearing on his hand. When you look down too, a glow appears on the same spot of your hand. After a couple seconds, the glow forms into the shape of a sun, Mark’s name glowing above it. Mark’s glow forms into the shape of a raindrop, your name glowing on his hand in cursive letters.

You both look at each other and back to your hands, “Does this mean-”

He lets out a breath he’s been holding, “You’re my soulmate?”

While Mark’s ecstatic, you feel a weight just drop in your stomach. No. Not right now. Mark realizes you’re staring at your hand, you look as if you had just seen a ghost. You almost wished you had.

“Is everything alright? Did I-?”

Instantly, you grab Mark’s hands, “I need you to listen to me carefully okay?”

Your hands are shaking now and you feel like you’re going to burst into tears again. This is the worst thing that you can do to someone, this is why you were reluctant to have Mark in the first place. You love him so much you can’t bear to hurt him like this. 

“Y/n… what’s happening?”

Slowly and delicately, you lift off Mark’s t-shirt over your head. Mark’s expression is utterly, painfully blank. He stares at you, unmoving.

“What is that?”

Though you’re in the dark, it shines brightly clear. The skin of your shoulder is completely coated with this invisible matter, tiny bubbles floating through it. It resembles the rain. The thing is consuming your shoulder and gaps of your chest are missing. No person could tell if they didn’t see your naked body. 

Mark leans forward, running his hand over your shoulder, his fingers go right through your body like it isn’t there. 

“Please tell me this isn’t real. This is just a joke right?”

You place your head in Mark chest, your arms hugging his bare waist, “I found out my gift comes with a price. My body is becoming a part of the weather, a part of the sky above. Ever since that day I stepped into the shrine on top of the hospital, I saw water floating upwards- this is the consequence for toying around with nature.”

Mark doesn’t say anything. He thinks for a moment. He grips the comforter you both sit on top of. Then, he speaks, “Can’t I fix this?! There has to be a way- maybe if I go to the shrine and figure something out-”

You release him, putting your hands on both sides of his face, “You can’t. I’ve tried everything. I even went to a priest, a shaman, anyone I could find. You heard about the forecasters talking about the floods right? As long as I’m here, this city will be underwater. I’m a glitch in the system. I’m the virus in the code, blocking the world from being natural.”

>I guess I don't really know who you are now

I guess that we met with our heads in the clouds

So I look for your name and I say it out loud

Maybe that makes you real

I don’t know how to feel

I guess I don’t really know who you are now

I guess that we met with our heads in the clouds

So I look for your name and I say it out loud

Maybe that makes you real

I don't know how to feel

Mark begins to cry. Tears fall from his eyes, dropping onto the skin of your hand. All you can do is hug him as tight as you can, fearful that if you let go- you can’t have him back, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m hurting you. I’m so so sorry.”

Mark sobs into your shoulder for the next hour or so. When he’s tuckered out from crying, you put him to bed, standing up to walk towards Mark’s desk. You decide to write letters to your aunt, Mari, and your friends. You even leave one for Lana. When you’re finished, you slip under the covers next to Mark. You use your fingers to touch his eyelids and his nose, his cheeks and the ruffle of his hair because you know it will be the last time. Pressing a kiss to his nose, you settle against Mark’s chest, knowing the sky will claim you in the morning. 

In the morning

The next morning, Mark wakes up from what he thinks is a nightmare. He sweats profusely, he feels dehydrated,and his throat feels like it’s being ripped open. The worst part is when his heart begins to settle, he sees his own hoodie and basketball shorts where you had lay next to him. Though he wasn't awake, he remembers it all. He remembers you sitting at his desk, you kissing his nose. He remembers your warmth. This can’t be the end. Mark takes the first morning train to the hospital. He calls his friends, Jeno, Renjun, and Haechan to the hospital. Over the phone, he tells them he’ll explain later, he just tells them that you need them. They drive there as soon as the train departs. From arriving at the hospital, everything is like a blur. The hospital staff doesn't want to let some random teenage boy up onto the room, warily suspicious of the request.  

That's when Haechan, Jeno, and Renjun risk it all for you and Mark, tackling and holding back the employees even if they’re radioing security at that very moment. Mark races up the stairs after grabbing the keys to the door, he remembers when those were his keys. He talks to himself. Please. Please. I have to see her. I have to see her one last time. He even prays to whoever’s up there about it. To his dismay, when he gets up there- he doesn’t see a shrine like you had described. He kicks the metal railing out of anger, screaming into the air as he calls out your name. He demands the sky to give you back. No one answers and it kills him.

From up there, you wake up in an unfamiliar scenery. You sit up, groggy from sleep. Looking down at your hands, you don’t believe it. Water takes the form of you, replacing your skin with invisible liquid. You’re sitting on what seems to be like a cloud, fish made out of rain droplets flying all around you in schools. When you look above you, it’s another world. A whale made of thunder clouds lets out a bellow, voices of children laughing when lighting strikes. There’s a castle floating in the distance, each level of the castle painted with different hues of color. It’s all eerily beautiful. Despite its beauty, no one’s around. You’re all alone. 

You touch your shoulder, only feeling nothing but water. Your body isn't real. It means the sky has completely and entirely claimed you. That’s when you feel a cold metal thing hanging around your neck. Mark. Mark’s still down on earth. You begin to hold onto it, the chain slipping out of your fingers and through the cloud that you sit on, you scream Mark’s name as loud as you can. You cry and you scream, sobs wracking your entire body. That was the last piece you had connected to Mark, your soulmate. This is your consequence. What good are soulmates if there’s only one half to the whole? What is the point? Even so, you love Mark so much. You miss him.

Mark screams at the sky, tears lining his eyes. He sees something shine above him, dropping onto the pavement by his foot. When he crouches down for a better look, it’s the sun pendant that he gave you last night. He squeezes it in his hand, screaming for you. There is no answer. 

In front of him, some shape materializes from a blurry image. When it focuses, it morphs into a red archway just as you had told him in the library. He runs up to it, desperate for any sign of you. He asks your name. Still, there’s no answer. He takes it upon himself to do the unthinkable. Maybe he’s crazy, maybe people will think he’s insane. He doesn’t care, all he wants is to see you. He steps under the red archway. He feels it within his body. The bells that hang by strings chime, the water from inside the stone fountain begins to flow upwards like slow motion evaporation. Then all of a sudden, he’s falling.

Winds rip his clothes and rip through his hair, he’s screaming. Everything is a blur of white clouds and flying animals made of water. He hears the thunder and sees the lightning too, it’s all consuming and real. He knows he’s not on earth anymore. That’s when the clouds begin to part, he sees you sitting there. You’re crouched up on a cloud, head buried in your knees. He screams for you, causing you to snap your head up at the voice. It can’t be. It can’t be Mark. But it is, the boy who is your soulmate is falling out of the sky above, emerging from the clouds and reaching out for you.

 The wind gusts him away from the cloud you’re sitting on, “MARK!’

“Y/N!”

You don’t care at this point. You jump off your cloud, the wind current carrying you to Mark before you’re free falling with him. You outstretch your hand to him, your voice can’t be heard in the screaming wind. He reaches to you, straining his face while doing so. When he manages to grab hold of you, he’s surprised to know it feels like he’s holding a person given your body. You fall together, hands enclasped in hands. You yell, “What are you doing here?! You shouldn’t be here!”

Mark holds on so tight, “I had to see you! I’m not letting you go, I don’t care! Aren’t you my soulmate? You have to stay with me!”

“Mark, if I go back down there, we all have to pay the price. Just let me go!”

“I’m not doing it y/n! I won’t do it! I don’t care! I choose you over the weather! I choose you over the sky! I just need you.”

You smile at him. Oh, Mark. Then, something else happens. Mark’s teardrop starts to glow golden, the light enveloping the entirety of his arm and spreading to his body. Even though your hand is made of water now, your sun starts to ping in syncopation with Mark’s mark. Golden light shimmers, rays exploding like sunshine as Mark holds you close. He’s there and he’s real, you can smell his scent of body soap that he uses, he’s so warm. The world blurs together in a series of colors and emotions, blues and yellows and silvers. It’s layers of rain and layers of snow, it’s as if you’re falling out of the cosmos and it’s endless.The sensation of falling ends. You open your eyes slowly, you find yourself cradled in Mark’s chest on the hospital’s rooftop. Your head aches and it throbs like hell, but still, you jump back when you realize that your body isn’t liquid anymore. Mark pulls your shirt down to check your shoulder, it’s nothing but human flesh and bone. You gaze back at Mark, “You saved me. You pulled me back down.”

It doesn’t take any time for Mark to kiss you the hardest he’s ever kissed you. You both sit there for a while, cradled in each other’s arms. Mark digs his nose into your neck, “I can’t live without you. You’re my soulmate, there’s no one else.”

You nod as you run your fingers through his hair, “You and me against it all then.”

1 year later

>Where did the time go?

Where did the time go?

When did you become someone I used to know?

Where did the time go?

After the day that Mark pulled you down from the sky, you thought that you’d spend every second with each other after. Instead, it was the opposite. Because you were on earth, the rains and the flooding never stopped. You weren’t able to control the weather anymore and the outcome that the forecasters had predicted became true. Almost 50 percent of the city was already underwater and still sinking, many people died trying to escape the floods or had to quickly evacuate. It disrupted everyone’s lives but at the time, Mark thought it was worth it for you. After that day, you told him you decided on something. You told him that you loved him and that you’d always find your way back to him, no matter what. After all, soulmates become linked. During your last semester of university, you wanted to spend time with your family and to travel the world with your aunt- in case the sky were to claim you once again. In case you were told that the world would end tomorrow, you wanted memories that lasted and time to tell all the people in your life that you loved them. You wanted to heal from your past, trying to find ways to connect to your parents like meeting their relatives or reading your father’s journal. 

Somehow, Mark took it well. Though he was sad for several days, as were your friends that you were leaving (yes, you explained to them the entire situation, they still have a hard time believing it). You knew that things would change. You’d pick up small updates here and there, graduation was approaching and Mark had chosen to participate in a training program to become a singer. Haechan found his soulmate at his work, the other boys doing their own thing. You hadn’t seen Mark in almost an entire year. Now, today was the day that you and your aunt would be coming back from a backpacking trip in Europe. You knew Mark would also be coming home the same day. On the plane, you thought: Did he forget you? Would he have found someone else? Does he remember it all? 

The moment you landed, you changed at home- walking over to the coffee shop where you and Mark had planned business meetings frequently back then. Walking through your city felt nostalgic to you, the way your younger self ran through the streets, praying for tomorrow’s sunshine or the way you and Mark would hang out together most weekends. Even the memories of hanging out with your friends before class, walking Mosby with your aunt during the autumn season, and pasting photographs on your dorm room wall felt like long ago. Upon entering the establishment, you closed your umbrella before taking a seat at an empty table. A barista took your order, who happened to be one of your other classmates from university. Even seeing them after a year, which isn’t too long- still felt surreal. 

The bell on the cafe’s door chimes, the barista at the counter greeting the stranger. That’s when a familiar voice makes you snap your head up. There he is, standing in the flesh in front of you. Mark sports black dress pants and a button up, his figure taller, leaner- more muscular, has he been working out? Mark’s hair is gelled back, different from how he looked before. It looks good on him. His familiar smile spread across his face, a teardrop glowing golden on his hand, “You seem familiar. Have we met before?”

You nod, running into his welcoming arms. 

@czennienet​ @neowritingsnet​ @dreamwritersnet​

[cherryhanji]

still the same

one-shot. felix x reader

genre: idol!Felix au, nonIdol!reader, fluff, bestfriend!au

words: 1.8k

warning(s): none

•••

After a day full of responsibilities, you slumped yourself on your comfy sofa and opened the tv. You smiled as you saw who's the one appearing on the tv. You almost forgot that it's Stray Kids comeback day. Your smile widens as you saw your bestfriend, your past love, Felix performing, he's really cool, you thought, compared to the Felix from several years ago, the Felix who stole your attention and your heart.

You were bestfriends since middle school. You love your bestfriend, you're sure. But as time passed by, the love that you felt for him isn't the one that can define the "love for a bestfriend", and it came to the conclusion that you want to be more than a bestfriend. Luckily, the feeling is mutual. You guys we're happy. Being the giddy high school sweethearts at your campus. Felix is quite popular in your school back then because of his cute and handsome persona, every girl can't resist his beauty and personality. But when you guys became a couple, everyone rooted for your relationship. Saying that you we're the "perfect couple" in your school.

But the time came when Felix told you he needs to go to Korea where his grandparents live. The reason? He got accepted as a trainee in an entertainment company. You know how Felix loved to dance. You're his number one fan. And being a good girlfriend and a bestfriend, you accepted your fate with him. You accepted that he need to end your relationship with him. But you promised each other that you'll stay as bestfriends like before. And that leads you to the present, being his number one fan and a dedicated stay to Stray Kids.

The members know you, pf course because of Felix. They also know your past relationship with him as his ex-girlfriend. You already went to their concerts every time it holds in Australia. You also met them personally. Maybe being a member's bestfriend and ex-girlfriend is a lucky thing for a fan like you.

Someone called you as your phone rang from the center table. You giggled as you saw the caller id.

"Hey, lixie. What's up? Your cute bestfriend missed you so much!" You answered his call

"Hey, y/n. I'm good. Missed you too! Anyways, how's office? Did you already watch our performance? Did you saw your bestfriend and his overflowing coolness and visuals?" You can hear the smugness coming out from his voice. You rolled your eyes and huffed at him.

"Work's okay and I'm home early but sorry for your poor ass cause Lee Know caught my attention." You laughed when you heard him grunt.

"Just kidding, your cool, okay. But I'm not lying when I said Lee Know caught my attention. His reddish orange hair really suits him. Urgh. He's so freaking handsome!" You said as you recalled their performance earlier

"Hey y/n! Thanks for the compliment! I know you'll like my overflowing visuals!" Your eyes widen as you heard Lee Know shouted from the other line.

"O-oh! Welcome Lee Know! You prick! Why did u put it on loudspeakers! I'll make you bald when we meet!" You felt shy as Lee Know heard your comments about him.

"Hey! I put it on loudspeakers when they knew you're the one who's calling. They just missed you, you know." Felix said. You smiled as you heard that.

Being a stay, you're used to these kind of things. Whenever you call Felix or him calling you, the boys always budge in and talk to you telling you that they missed you. You feel like you'll have a VIP ticket for being a bestfriend of one of the members.

"Hey, Lixie, are you at home? How's today?" You asked after the boys have a little chitchat with you.

"Hmm. We're at home now. Today's good. Glad we came back after six months. Feels good to perform again live after the tour. Hey, sorry I didn't get to go there last time. Don't worry, after our promotions, I'll go there and have my vacation there." You can now sense the little tiredness from his voice. But you can sense his eagerness to go there.

"Hmm. Don't worry about going here. Just focus on your comeback first. I can wait. Australia can wait you know. Just have enough rest and do good on your comeback and we'll root for it!" You cheered him up. You also missed him so much. You missed your bestfriend so much.

"Thanks, really. Y/n, you're really my energy booster. Anyways, I'm going to change and ready for bed. Missed you, love you! See you soonest!"

"Yeah, yeah. Rest now okay? Love you too!" You heard the dial tone linger on your ears as Felix end the call.

After you washed up and get ready to bed, you called Felix.

Several weeks after your call with Felix, you heard nothing from him. And you understand that since you witness how busy Stray Kids are. You can see how busy they were even though they already ended their comeback promotions. You, on the other hand, had to finish the remaining paperworks that your supervisor asked you to do. You lightheartedly finished it all off. Your friend, also your co-worker Alexa invited you to a coffee shop after work.

"Hey, y/n. Did you already saw their latest Instagram post?" She's pertaining to Stray Kids. Like you, Alexa is also a stay. You guys were not that close at first when you started working at the company you're currently working at. But one Stray Kids concert here in Australia leads you two in an inseparable friendship. She also knew about your relationship with her bias. Yes, Felix is her bias. She envied you for that. But no hard feelings. She's okay with it and happy.

"Hmm. What about it?" You said after taking a sip of your sweet Mocha drink.

"My gosh, Felix is the one who posted. He said that he's excited to go back here! What does that mean? He's going here! They're going here! Oh my gosh!" You froze at what she just said. But later realized that Felix really meant it. He's going to spend his vacation here.

"Oh really? Maybe he meant that." You said to yourself.

"Huh? What you say?" Alexa asked you.

"Uh, last time he said that after promotions he'll go here. I think he'll really go here." You said and drink again your Mocha.

"Hmm. Your bestfriend missed you that much, huh?" Alexa cooed and teased you. You just chuckled at her. You can't wait to see your bestfriend again.

"Lixieeee!" You rushed to him as soon as you saw him at the other side of the airport.

"Hmm, you called?" You got answered by a sleepy and groggy voice.

"Hey, sleepyhead. Sorry, you resting?" You asked

"Uhm, yeah. But not that deep. Why did you call?" You can hear shiftings from the other line as Felix sit down.

"Uh, I just want to clarify, if you're going here. My friend saw your post and she thought that maybe you're going here after your promotions. I just thought what you'd said to me the last time you called me." You said shyly.

"Uh, about that. Yep, I'm going there the day after tomorrow. Manager hyung said yes and I'm going there for one week. Hah! You missed me that much huh?" You can now hear the teasing in his voice. He's now wide awake.

"Urgh, yes, okay? It's because you didn't go here for a year! Hmp!" You said and you heard him chuckled at your mini tantrum.

"Okay, okay. I missed you too sunshine, just be ready when I go there, yeah?" He said and you nodded as if he can see it.

"Okay. See you in a few days!" You said and you heard him answered before you end the call.

"Hey, hey sunshine, I know you missed me but let me breathe first." You let go of him and said sorry.

"Sorry. Just excited." You said as you slightly tapped your feet in embarrassment. He just chuckled ad ruffled your hair.

"Okay. First, I'm hungry. Did you eat?" You shook your head and looked at him.

"Okay then, let's buy some foods first, and let's go to your apartment." He said as he carried his backpack and hold your hand. You can sense that there aren't many fans compared to times when all eight of them go here. You think it's just lucky for both of you. You can walk in peace with Felix having a good disguise with a hat and mask.

You guys are still the same. Nothing changed even if you had to split up from your relationship. You're still the same y/n, the same Felix that are bestfriends that are meant to stay forever.

"So, how's the trip, Lixie? Did anyone recognize you?" You started a talk while eating.

"Yeah, but only one. She's a little girl. And I got carried away and let her take a picture with me. She's just so cute. Besides that, nothing else happened. It was peaceful, luckily." He said as he munched some foods.

"Good for you. I missed the guys. Where did they spend their vacation?" You asked about the others.

"Uhm, Changbin hyung and Hyunjin stayed at the dorm. Seungmin went to his parents, Lee Know hyung went to his hometown with Jisung, while Channie hyung is with Jeongin in Busan. Ah! They asked me to give you these. Wait here." You nod at him as he went to his room and grabbed the gifts from the members. You gasped as you saw the gifts from them.

"Wooow, they're so thoughtful! I'm gonna cry." You said as you wiped the invisible tear from your eye. Felix chuckled at your action and grabbed a box from the gifts.

"Hey, this is from Lee Know hyung, he said, you should try these products. He said that it will also suit you the hair color he had when we promoted." He handed you the box which is a set of hair products. You laughed at Lee Know's cleverness.

"Lee Know's crazy. Anyways please send them my big thanks for these! I really missed those guys! Can't wait to see them again." You said as you still check the other gifts.

"More than you missed me? Ouch, now I'm hurt." He said and dramatically hold his chest. You just throw a small box at him and laughed.

"You and your dramatic ass. How many times will I have to tell you that I missed you? " you said. He just chuckled and pinched your cheeks hard. You shriek and wriggled your face out of his touch.

"You're still the same y/n. can't stand my pinches. Hah!" He mocked and stuck his tongue out.

"And you're also the same. The same dramatic and meme-faced Lee Felix." you also stuck your tongue out at him.

[ny-writes]

fxf stardew valley inspired. will be making a series out of this - so this is pt 1.

1667 words rated E (rating will probably go up in later chapters)

---

Tess groaned inwardly, waiting for the clock to strike five so that she could finally leave. There wasn’t much longer to go, sitting at her cramped cubicle, but it felt like an eternity as she waited impatiently. Her supervisor walked by, giving her a look, probably because she wasn’t tapping away diligently at her computer, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Working in data entry was a boring and unrewarding job, and she felt like if she had to spend one more minute staring at an Excel spreadsheet, she was going to lose it.

Once upon a time, she had wanted something else from her life. Certainly she had never imagined that she would end up someplace like this, the basement of an office building, surrounded by other people with nowhere better to be. At one point she had wanted to be a veterinarian, another, an author, and for a while she had even dreamed of becoming a farmer. None of those things was going to happen for her, though. She hated the hustle and bustle of classes and attending college, so she had dropped out after her second year, and now she couldn’t afford to go back and do something better with her time.

As soon as five o’ clock rolled around, Tess clocked out at her station and walked away, dreading that she was working again the next day and hating herself for signing up for so many shifts that week.

Home was within walking distance, so she decided to leg it instead of taking the bus, which would take the same amount of time and cost her two dollars. Halfway there, her phone rang, lighting up with the familiar face of her best friend.

“Hey, Nik,” she said, answering the phone before it vibrated again. “I’m on my way home from work, what’s going on?”

Nik - otherwise known as Nikki or, on serious occasions, Nicole - sounded ecstatic on the other end. She was a somewhat successful businesswoman, and was generally excitable, so this wasn’t out of the ordinary. “Tess, babe, you won’t believe the opportunity that just came up. I can’t explain everything right now, but it’s amazing, and I want to take it. This is just what we need,” she gushed.

Tess smiled wistfully at the familiar feeling of talking to her best friend, and patiently waited for her to pause so she could get a word in. “Nikki, you haven’t told me what this opportunity is,” she finally interjected.

“It’s a surprise!” Nik exclaimed. “But I need to know - how attached are you to your job and apartment?”

She laughed as she considered her answer. “Not at all, but this better not end up with me jobless and on the streets,” she said, and after Nik confirmed that indeed it would not, they chatted until Tess arrived at her apartment building and needed to get into the elevator.

Inside her bare apartment, Tess sunk into her couch and wondered what her friend was up to. But at the end of the day, she would trust the other woman with her life, so she didn’t worry too much about it and instead went about getting dinner ready. They had a standing appointment for dinner on Wednesdays, and Wednesday it was, so she made some soup and stuck a store bought loaf of french bread in the oven to heat up.

As the soup began to bubble on the stove, there was a knock on the door, and then Nik let herself in with her key. “Oh, Tess, that smells really good. What is it?”

Tess smiled. “It’s chicken, potatoes, and cheese,” she explained. “Now you tell me what that phone call earlier was all about, I’ve been on the edge of my seat ever since.”

“Okay. Maybe sit down,” Nik said, and waited until Tess was seated at the small kitchen table to continue. “I went out on a limb. I know how much you hate your job and I know you don’t like living in the city . . . So when I saw a house for sale in a town a couple states over, I had to buy it,” she said.

The other woman sat completely still for a second, blinking several times before she spoke. “You . . . bought a house,” she began.

Nik grinned from ear to ear. “I bought a house! For us!”

“You bought a house for us,” Tess repeated. “In a town.”

“A house, for us, in a town. It’s a farmhouse, there’s a lot of land around it to farm and raise animals,” Nik continued a little more carefully, suddenly seeming a lot less sure of herself. “I know it was a big risk, I hope I wasn’t . . . I didn’t mean to . . .”

Tess stood suddenly and almost tackled her with a very aggressive hug. “You bought me a fucking farm, Nik, oh my god,” she said. “I’ve dreamed about owning a farm since I was like, fifteen. Where exactly is it? Tell me everything.”

Nik sagged with relief and sat in the other seat at the table to continue talking. “It’s in a little town called Evergreen Village. Well, a village, I guess. It’s in this beautiful valley, their main export is lumber, and they desperately need people to move there so they’re offering bonuses to people who buy property. We get a free class on farming - well, you do. And some seeds and stuff, like tools, too.”

Satisfied with this description, Tess went to the kitchen and grabbed them both bowls of soup and spoons, returning to take the bread out of the oven and slice it into wide pieces, good for dipping into the thick broth. Nothing tied her here - her lease was actually up the next month, and she wouldn’t really be burning any bridges by quitting her job. Over dinner, they discussed travel plans, how they’d move and when, and other details of their new house and village.

---

Two days later, Tess drove a U-Haul into town and was immediately flagged down by a woman waiting by the town welcome sign. She looked perfectly in place, wearing tattered coveralls and her dark, curly hair tied back with a bandana. “You must be the new homeowners here,” she said, as soon as Tess rolled the window down. “I’m Irene, the home seller! It’s nice to meet you. If you’ll follow me, I can lead you to your new farm. GPS tends to get a little confused around here, what with all the little roads.” Upon receiving confirmation that they’d follow her, Irene climbed into a pickup truck as battered as her clothes that had been pulled over onto the side of the road and pulled in front of them, guiding them through the town.

No one seemed to be around, aside from a few people in what she assumed was a grocer’s. It was still early in the morning, though - they’d been driving all night. Soon enough, they exited the town and drove down a road that seemed to get progressively rougher and narrower as they went. They passed through a gate in a falling-apart wooden fence and slowed to a stop in front of a small home. In front of the house was a man, sitting on the edge of the porch. He sprung up as though he’d been waiting for them.

As the women climbed out of their vehicles, the man walked up and shook Tess’s hand, and then Nik’s, and gave Irene a friendly clap on the shoulder in greeting. “I’m Marcus. It’s nice to meet y’all,” he said. “I’m the carpenter here. I just finished making repairs to your new home yesterday, so you’re right on time - Irene told me what time you’d be coming in and I just wanted to greet you personally. Now, I did good on your house, and I don’t think you’ll be having any problems anytime soon, but I want you to know that I can do more than repairs. If you provide supplies, I’ll be able to add rooms to your house. Right now, it’s just two bedrooms, a bit of a kitchen, and a bathroom. Let me show you inside.”

Tess, nervous suddenly, nodded and followed Marcus inside, looking around as they went. The front door opened into a small kitchen with barely enough space for the little table they brought, and she could see the doors for the bathroom and the two bedrooms. The tour was over quite quickly, and Marcus said his goodbyes and left - though not before reminding them where his carpenter shop was. Irene waited until they seemed satisfied and ready to start moving in their belongings before she, too, departed for whatever she needed to do that day, leaving Tess and Nik alone in the house that they owned. The reality of the situation was sinking in and she was extremely anxious.

Nik squeezed her, ever excited, and started talking. “Let’s move things in, Tess. It will seem more like home when our furniture is in!”

She agreed, and they spent the morning moving their possessions into the house, small as it was. Luckily, they managed to fit their beds into the small rooms, and they agreed to take a nap and then go into town for lunch after taking showers.

The day passed quickly, with them unpacking most of their boxed items in the evening and then eating a dinner of leftovers and going directly to bed, exhausted from driving all night and unpacking all day. Though she’d been anxious earlier, Tess felt herself filling with the excitement that Nik was already feeling as she considered the training on how to farm she would be attending for the next week. Nik herself was simply working remotely from her previous job, something many employees did. After all, they had to be able to pay for groceries. She fell asleep thinking about the animals they’d be able to raise and that maybe, just maybe, this was exactly what she had wanted.

[pengychan]

[Good Omens] Winging It - Mark 10:42-45

Summary: Shockingly, attempting to destroy an angel without consulting God first comes with consequences. There is more than one way to fall, and a thousand more ways to inconvenience an angel and a demon who just wanted to be left in peace. Characters: Gabriel, Crowley, Aziraphale, Beelzebub, Michael, Uriel, Sandalphon Rating: T  

Prologue and all chapters are tagged as ‘winging it’ on my blog.

A/N: Well, this is already longer than it was supposed to get and is nowhere near done. Go me. Next chapter will have a bit of a time skip at the beginning.

*** 

“Did you just… print out everything?”

“Only the important things. The entirety of the file is in the archives for consultation - I don’t think it was fully digitalized - but this should do to help us remember.”

Uriel and Sandalphon exchanged a glance, then they both reached to take the folders Michael was handing to them, both of them full to bursting. And heavy, too. Uriel opened hers, and flipped through a few pages. Michael had written and printed out a short summary. A relatively short summary, considering that Gabriel’s existence spanned eons and plenty of things had happened in that time. Plenty of memories that kept slipping through their fingers. 

“Remembering facts about him is not the same thing as remembering him,” she muttered, and sighed. “How long before we can no longer recall why didn’t want to forget him?”

Michael’s expression hardened. “Do you have a better idea?” she asked, her voice cold, causing Sandalphon to shift away a little. 

Michael and Uriel had… disagreed very few times before, but Sandalphon had learned that, whenever it happened, it might just be safer to chill in an entirely different galaxy until they had worked things out. Last time, a few centuries earlier, he and Gabriel had hung about Orion’s Belt for a while, claiming they had been sent there on a mission while they had actually been sitting down for what would have been the longest game and most savage of Uno on record, had anyone ever recorded it. Sandalphon had won; a nice memory, that. And fading fast. 

Unaware of his thoughts, Uriel shook her head. “No,” she conceded. “No better ideas. Are you still going to get in touch? He… made it plain our presence unsettles him,” she added. A very polite way to put it, considering that seeing them made Gabriel scream and flail.

Michael sighed. “He won’t have to endure our presence,” she said. “Not unless he calls for us.”

***

“Gabriel! You finally answered! I sent you a text, did you see it?”

“Uuugh,” Gabriel muttered, rubbing his eyes. What time was it? How long had he slept? Were Aziraphale and his demon still-- ah, yes, there they were, sitting at the other hand of the room and staring at him, each with a raised eyebrow. Gabriel pulled himself upright, causing the blanket to fall off him on the floor. “A text? No, I didn’t. What-- when-- the interview! Did you get the job?” he asked.

“I did!” Daniel exclaimed, exactly as the demon scoffed. 

“I told him he would, why the surprise...” he muttered, but Gabriel barely heard him: he just smiled, running a hand through his hair to brush it back. 

“That’s amazing news. When do you start--”

“They’re looking for a supervisor.”

“... Oh? I thought you were there for a position as a… spoon… lift?”

“What-- fork, Gabriel, a forklift operator,” Daniel laughed, clearly elated. “Yes, I did. But they also need a supervisor or two and have just started looking. I thought-- you mentioned you were a supervisor once, no? Or a chief of staff, something like that?”

“I… you could say that, yes.”

“Then send them your CV, the link is in the text!”

“My-- oh. Of course. That. Yes. I’ll… do that.”

“Great! Good luck with that - they offer accommodation and all. Not that Southampton is that far, but better than commuting, no?”

“Absolutely,” Gabriel agreed, taking a mental note to look up what ‘commuting’ meant. After the call ended after a few more pleasantries, he looked up to see both the demon and Aziraphale were staring at him. 

“... What, are you seriously going through with it?” Crowley asked. Gabriel frowned.

“Were you eavesdropping everything?”

“You had the speaker on, genius. Don’t dodge the question - am I really hearing the Archangel Fucking Gabriel thinking of getting a human job?”

You are the Archangel Gabriel no longer, Metatron’s voice echoed in the back of his mind. It hurt, it truly did, but he saw the truth of it now. And, at least, he had some hope. 

God forsakes no one, the Voice of God had said. 

He lied, a voice he couldn’t place whispered in the back of his mind. Hypocrisy in every word.

God asks of you what they ask of every mortal. Faith.

God has forsaken you.

Go through your mortal life, have faith, and do your best.

It gets easier once you accept it.

“I…” Gabriel’s voice faltered, and he swallowed before he spoke again. “I have little choice, do I? If I am to go through this life as a mortal, then… then I will do that. Besides, I can’t sit by doing nothing. I’m not wired for inaction,” he added, and turned back to them. Aziraphale was looking at him with calm understanding, and Gabriel smiled weakly.

I think you have figured out more than you think, Aziraphale had said. Gabriel still had no idea what he meant, what was it he had supposedly figured out, but… he could try to believe him. He had been right about the Ineffable Plan, clearly, when everyone else had been wrong.

He wasn’t certain he could have faith in God now, but he could try to have some in an angel who could step into Hellfire, come out unscathed, and somehow find it in himself to offer his help and forgiveness without Gabriel doing anything to earn either.

“Well then,” Aziraphale finally said, “I suppose it is time to work on your CV.”

Oh. That. “... I never wrote a CV in my entire existence. I was created for my role.”

“Ah, it shouldn’t be too hard. You just lie.”

“Embellish, Crowley. You embellish your--”

“You lie a lot. Everyone lies on their CV. And on the cover letter. And in interviews,” the demon replied, and shrugged when Gabriel glanced over. “So if you want to have more than a snowball’s chance in Hell - and trust me, I know what I’m talking about there - you’ve got to do it as well. Aside for the tiny little detail that no one would believe a word of your real references, you really don’t want them to know your previous employment ended with a… well…”

“Forcible termination,” Gabriel finished. Crowley made a face.

“Was that how you were going to put down Aziraphale’s-- ugh. Never mind. Do you even have a national insurance numb--”

“He does now,” Aziraphale said lightly, and turned back to Gabriel. “One more frivolous miracle to add to the list, I suppose. Do you mind?”

Like he had a say on the matter anymore. Gabriel averted his eyes. “... Thank you,” he murmured.

“You’re quite welcome. Do put down my number, in case they want to check your references. Now, I believe I might have a book somewhere explaining how to best write a CV…”

***

“You know this is ridiculously useless, don’t you? You don’t need to actually know that stuff.”

“I do need to know it if I am to do a decent job.”

“What do you care? That angel is such a bleeding heart, you know he’ll miracle you into passing the interview like he did for your human friend.”

“That was the demon, really.”

“... What?”

“The demon did the miracle.”

“What.”

“I thought the same thing,” Gabriel said, and turned a page. There were… a lot of things a warehouse supervisor was supposed to be knowledgeable about, including a lot about health and safety, which made sense given how fail mortal lives were. Luckily, Gabriel had an excellent memory; he was rather certain he could memorize all he needed to know before the interview.

Before him, Beelzebub was frowning. They had invited themselves to the table Gabriel was sitting at in the café, ordering a black coffee they had yet to touch. At the far end of the room, employees were discreetly trying to shoo away an unusual amount of flies that kept trying to land on the food on display. Which they would go on to sell anyway. 

“Demons are not supposed to perform miracles,” Beelzebub muttered, looking rather offended. 

“Demons are not supposed to splash around in holy water while asking for a rubber duck, either,” Gabriel pointed out, turning another page. “And yet.”

“Hmph.” Beelzebub made a face, and glared down at the coffee like it was responsible for the entire mess. “I should have asked for something more complicated to make,” they finally muttered. “To ruin the barista’s day a little.”

“You’re ruining mine, if it helps,” Gabriel said drily.

“It does,” was the reply, startlingly sincere. They leaned back, watching him closely as he tried to focus on the book, then suddenly kicked his shin under the table, causing Gabriel to yelp. 

“Ow! What was that abou--”

“I didn’t tell you you could ignore me.”

“You’re insufferable, and I have no more time for you. I have to learn all that there is to learn from this material obj-- book. From this book.”

Beelzebub rolled their eyes. When they spoke again, they sounded vaguely offended. "I still don't understand. You'd seriously lower yourself to this you consider my more than generous offer to join me in Hell?"

"Absolutely."

"You're an idiot," the Prince of Hell snapped, anger leaking into their voice. "God didn't explain a thing, didn't make any promises. Just demanded faith, as usual. And you're still going to do as they say, after what was done to you!"

"Anything is preferable to Hell."

"You don't know until you try."

Gabriel lifted his eyes from the book. "And if I try and find I hate it, you'll just let me go?"

"Of course not."

Gabriel’s eyes shifted back to the book. "I'll pass."

"And it will be for nothing. God is going to change the rules on you, you'll see. Just so that they can screw you over a bit further."

Gabriel tried to keep his expression neutral, gaze fixed on the book like nothing of what he was hearing got under his skin, but he couldn't quite hide how those words cut. Beelzebub could certainly see it in the thin line of his mouth and the needlessly tight grip on the book, and immediately doubled down. 

"Isn't that what already happened? You did best, and suddenly the rules changed on you."

"I... acted out of arrogance--"

"Oh, please, spare me the self-blame God drilled in your brain. But that’s what you are - once a servant, always a servant. God is prick. That's all that there is to say. A Great Plan to follow, and you did your utmost to see it through - then the one who got in the way has their protection, and you are thrown out for trying to deal with a traitor the way deserve to be dealt with."

“I should have never attempted to destroy Aziraphale. It had nothing to do with the Great Plan. I only acted out of anger.”

“Maybe that was just God’s excuse. Maybe they planned on throwing you out for failing to see the Great Plan through, after all. You were created to serve God, and failed.”

Gabriel finally looked up from the book, glaring. Beelzebub met his gaze, clearly satisfied for succeeding in getting a raise out of him. He forced himself to keep his voice even as he spoke. 

“God needs no excuses to exert their will.”

“So, they need no reason to tear out your wings and cast you out, is what you’re saying.”

“That’s not what I said,” Gabriel protested, desperately trying to shut down that part of his mind whispering that Beelzebub had a point. No, no, no - he couldn’t acknowledge that, couldn’t think like that. He needed to have faith, it was all that was asked of him. “God’s ways are mysterious, and the fact that I can’t understand their reasons doesn’t mean there aren’t--”

“And yet you’re desperate to go back to being a lapdog for a master you won’t tell you what they want of you.”

“Faith, that is what they want--”

“And this is where faith has brought you,” Beelzebub snorted, gesturing around them with a hand. The cafe was mostly empty; a girl at the far end seemed to have fallen asleep over her laptop. “You never doubted God, and here you are. Why remain loyal to a master like that? One who never even speaks to you? If you join me in hell--”

“Am I supposed to believe Satan wouldn’t destroy you in case of failure?” Gabriel snapped. 

Beelzebub looked at him like he was a complete idiot. “Of course he would, but then all you have to do is not to fail. Satan’s orders are always pretty damn clear, and they’re upfront about what happens to you if you disobey. You follow the very clear orders, and you can’t go right.”

“You mean you can’t go wron--”

“No. I know exactly what I meant to mean.” Beelzebub waved a hand dismissively. “I challenged God, and I am the Prince of Hell. You did nothing but obey your entire existence, and you are nothing. Cast out without wings, without powers. I have both.”

The ragged scars over Gabriel’s shoulder blades seemed to burn, and he clenched his teeth, trying to ignore the phantom pain in a part of him that was no more. Good wings, strong wings, white as snow and strong as the tide. And they were gone.

“Maybe you were the one on the wrong side of the battlefield, after all,” Beelzebub mused, leaning forward and causing Gabriel to rear back. Yes, the battlefield. He remembered soaring over it, remembered the fight - the clash of swords and spears, scorching fire and holy water. 

He was never the warrior Michael was, but he could hold his own. He’d brought messages across the battlefield to keep the Heavenly army fighting as one, and he’d struck down several demons, he… he...

“You lost the Battle,” Gabriel snapped. “I struck you down, and--”

Beelzebub scowled. “You did not!” they replied, sounding rather offended. “It was Michael, that wanker, but someday--”

“No, you were…” Gabriel frowned, trying to focus. Something was there, a memory beneath the vague recollection of the Battle; until then it had been impossible for him to remember much, the action too frantic and details slipping away from him the more he focused… but now he found it was easier to remember. And he remembered something, a moment of stillness in the chaos. 

Gabriel, what are you waiting for? Strike them down!

“I had a spear, and your sword was broken…” 

“All you had was that stupid trumpet you always-- agh!”

Ba’al! Strike now!

Under Gabriel’s stunned gaze, Beelzebub let out a groan and grabbed their head with a pained grimace. With the mind’s eye he saw what had been an angel, a long time ago, exhausted and struggling to stand up before him… and then coming to a standstill.

He’d almost struck Beelzebub down, yes. But he did not. He could not.

And Beelzebub hadn’t struck him. They could have. They did not.

“... Ba’al.” The name came to his lips with no thought at all; at first he didn’t even realize it had been him to speak it. It caused Beelzebub to recoil and tear their hands off their head, glaring up at him with savage fury, pain, and something remarkably close to fear.

“Stop,” they buzzed, wide-eyed, teeth bared. “Stop this instant, I command you!”

“I knew you. That was your name, wasn’t it, from before the Fa--”

“We are not meant to remember things from before!” The buzzing grew louder, furious. “I demand you cease it now!”

They seemed to be-- they were in physical pain. The realization made Gabriel’s mind reel; angels could not remember the Fallen either, because God clearly willed as much, but the futile attempts at doing so never caused pain. Clearly, Satan had put a demonic twist to the rule.

But Gabriel was an archangel no longer; he could remember, and he found he couldn’t keep himself from trying to bring up as much as he could. He’d never been curious about what they had forgotten about, but now… now he was. Curiosity was, after all, a human trait. What had got Adam and Eve kicked out of Eden, but at the moment he was too overwhelmed to think of that.

The more he focused, the more he could recall; bits and pieces, far from a complete picture, but it was more than he’d ever managed to put together. And it seemed that he did, after all, have some sort of weapon he could use to chase away the Lord of the Flies.

“... I tried to warn you,” he said slowly, the memory so vague it may as well have been a dream. “You were hanging with the wrong people. Questioning too much. I tried to convince you--”

 A snarl, and Beelzebub’s eyes flashed with flame before turning completely black. Above them, flies buzzed furiously against the ceiling. “You shut that stupid mouth this very instant, or else--!”

“Gabriel!”

As Daniel’s voice rang out, Gabriel went through two very different emotions: relief that the conversation had been interrupted before things got ugly - why did he think it a good idea to anger a being who could smother him with a gesture again? - and sudden terror that Beelzebub might turn their fury on him. And for a moment, their eyes all black, they looked like they might. 

“Please,” Gabriel whispered, his voice barely audible. 

Don’t harm him. I let you Mark me so you wouldn’t harm him.

The change was so quick, Gabriel would have missed if he blinked. The blackness was gone from Beelzebub’s eyes, and they turned to look at Gabriel with a flat, utterly uninterested look. They looked fairly normal, aside for the fact they looked like they had dressed in the dark, but then again most people in London did. Gabriel found they no longer had the style they used to.

Daniel didn’t seem to notice anything was amiss. He just walked up to them, smiled, and patted Gabriel’s shoulder. “You really got the interview, then? Good luck! Hopefully we’re going to be colleagues, huh?” he smiled broadly, and finally glanced at Beelzebub. If he thought anything of their rather bizarre attire, he said nothing of it. But then again he’d lived in London for a long time, watching people show up at Tesco Express in their pajamas. “Friend of Gabriel, huh? Nice to meet you. I’m Daniel,” he said, holding out his hand. 

Beelzebub looked at it like Daniel had just handed them a dead fish; it likely didn’t happen often that a mortal walked up to them and tried to shake their hand. They glanced over at Gabriel, who realized he had about thirty seconds to avert a crisis. 

“Er… yes, this is Beel--” Gabriel began, only to pause when it truly hit him how much of a bad idea saying that aloud would be. From the other side of the table, Beelzebub managed to convey without words that they thought he was an utter idiot, but offered no help.

Ba’al, he thought, but he still remembered so little attached to that name, the memory barely uncovered… and besides it would undoubtedly cause fury he rather wanted to avoid. In the end, Gabriel forced the smile back on. 

“... Bill,” he finished.

Beelzebub’s retaliation came swiftly in the form of a kick on the shin, but they didn’t contradict him, and Gabriel decided he could count himself lucky for that. And the fact he’d gotten away with only a kick in the shin in the first place.

Luckily, Daniel didn’t seem to notice anything wrong. Or maybe there was something there, hesitation as he stared at the Prince of Hell - it would occur to Gabriel only later that he was trying to assign them a gender - but he said nothing of it. “Nice to meet you, Bill,” was all he said. “Do you mind if I join--”

“I have urgent matters to attend,” Beelzebub said, and stood suddenly, nearly knocking back the chair. They turned to glare at Gabriel, eyes icy. “Do think of what I told you,” they muttered, and marched off without a word. The door opened, slammed closed, and they were gone - as were the flies that had been buzzing by the ceiling. Daniel blinked.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“... They had a headache,” Gabriel replied, and forced himself to tear his gaze off the door. The realization was staggering - that they’d known each other before the Fall, that Gabriel had tried to warn them against the wrong sort of companies, that they had stood before one another during the Battle without either being able to lift the weapon on the other - but Beelzebub was gone, and Gabriel chose to chase it all from his mind for the time being.

It no longer mattered whether they had known each other. That part of his existence was over.

He had other matters to attend, too. 

It gets easier once you accept it.

***

“Crowley?”

“Angel.”

“Do you think we knew each other?”

“... Huh?” Crowley blinked, glancing over. Aziraphale was leaning on the bench’s backrest, staring at the waterfowl and uncharacteristically uninterested in the ice cream cone in his hand. “We have known each other for a good while, no?”

“Before the Fall, I mean.”

Ah, now that was… something Crowley had never considered. He never even tried to remember anything from that time, because it hurt like a mallet to the brain and honestly, he could do without it. And it wouldn’t work, anyway. “Guess it’s possible,” he conceded. “But unlikely. There was… what, twenty million between all of us?” he shrugged, leaning back. 

Aziraphale nodded. “Ah, yes. It makes sense,” he said, and glanced down at his cone to notice that an especially brave - and fat - squirrel was now sapling it, standing on his knee. He chuckled, and lowered it a little to make it easier to reach. “Well-- it doesn’t really matter, does it? We know each other well enough now.”

Crowley grinned. “No,” he agreed, and reached into his pocket to pull out something - a pace torn out of an old newspaper. “So, uh, about the idea we had to move to the South Downs…”

Aziraphale glanced over to see a picture of green hills beneath a blue sky. It looked… quite heavenly, really. Then he read the name, and burst out laughing, scaring the squirrel away. 

Devil’s Dyke Walking Trails, the title read. Devil’s Dyke is perfect for a summer walk.

“Oh!” Aziraphale snickered, reaching up to wipe tears of mirth from his eyes. “Oh, dear. Summer is nearing its end though, isn’t it?”

“Is that a no?” Crowley asked, trying to sound like he wouldn’t especially care either way and failing rather spectacularly.

Aziraphale smiled. “Why, not at all. But perhaps we should see how it is in summer, before we decide. A brief visit to get the feel of it before autumn entirely settles in.”

Crowley’s attempt at a neutral expression turned into a smirk. “Tomorrow?” he asked, hopeful.

Ah, he was supposed to open the store the next day, maybe for a couple of hours in the afternoon, but as Gabriel was already headed to Southampton for the interview he was sure to pass, there was no real reason to do so. His smile widened.

"Tomorrow sounds lovely.”

***

The letter was on the desk of Gabriel’s hotel room before he even walked in. A simple sheet of paper, no envelope, and the handwriting - ah, he knew it well. How many times had he gone over paperwork Michael filled up? 

The notion that Michael knew where he was filled him with dread, but he didn’t turn and run. He looked around, yes, but found that the room was empty, and he relaxed a little, the hammering of his heart slowing down. He stepped forward and stared at the piece of paper for a long time, Crowley’s words eching in his mind. 

Had it been you receiving the order and Michael the one on the ground, would you have refused to do what God asked of you?

No. No, he wouldn’t have. He would have done precisely the same, while hating every moment of it. Anyone can be loyal and obedient when the orders are easy to follow; the real test comes when they are… not. And he’d have been just as loyal to God as they were.

Once a servant, always a servant.

With a sense of shame heavy in his chest - how wrong it seemed, feeling shame for his utter devotion to the Almighty - Gabriel finally stepped forward, picked up the letter, and began to read.

***

Gabriel, I do hope you are as well as you can be, given the circumstances. I understand you have no wish to see us, and we will not impose.  We cannot begin to understand God’s reasons to order such a thing of us, and to punish you alone. All we knew was that we owed obedience. We never wished for any harm to come to you. I hope you know that. Should you ever need us, all you need to do is call out our names, and we’ll be there. Always. Michael.

***

For a very long time, Gabriel - once the Archangel Gabriel, now a human to be known as Gabriel F. Archer - kept reading those words over and over, a knot in his throat and a weight on his chest, the phantom wings on his back aching at the memory of what had been done to him. A couple of times, he was very, very close to crumpling the letter… but he did not. 

With a long sigh, Gabriel put the letter in a drawer, shut it, and tried to forget all about it. 

He tried to forget about a lot of things.

***

"And Jesus called them to him and said to them, ‘You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many’.” -- Mark 10:42-45

***

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Official Anyways

Pairing: GOT7′s Mark x OC [Violet] Genre: slice of life, slight fluff Word Count: 5,223 Summary: Whether or not of what others may think could be legit or not legit, only those involve are sure of the answers themselves. What makes it official is when both parties actually confirm to one another that it's official.

Warning: none except like always it hasn’t been proof-read since it was last shared 3 years.

this was for the same contest as Leap of Faith, but it was due to someone bailing at the last minute and i gave it a shot to see where it would go. then again i’m always stuck with MT man... like can he leave me alone? lol anyways, happy reading and kthxbai, Admin Lia~

"Here you go, Vi." Violet's supervisor, Lara, hands her a call-in ticket with a grin. "The customer, J.F, wants you to make these." "Again?" Violet said a bit confused. "That's like the fifth one today and it's almost six." "I know, I know. But that's what the customer wants. They'll be here in an hour." Violet pouts. "But I'm off in two minutes and you know how Lyle feels about us milking the clock." Lara smirked at her. "I guess you'll be getting those sixty minutes of overtime this week. And 'milking' is part of our job, Violet." Violet glares at her lead's lame joke who just continues to grin at Violet. "Oh, haha, funny, Lala." She scrunched up her face and then remembered something. "But it's Christmas' Eve. I thought we were supposed to close at eight?" She looked at the monitor screen and saw that it flashed 6:02 PM and frowned. "Why haven't we done the pre-closing yet?"

"Why are you so worried? Got a hot date with Mark tonight?" Lara teased her. "What? No." Violet answered slightly flustered. "There's no hot date or anything of that sort. We're just talking. That's it." "For like how long already? It's been at least three months by now since you've guys been 'talking'." Lara shot her a weird look. "Please tell me that something must be going on between the both of you. Tell me you're at least official." Violet remained indifferent. "I'm not telling you anything except that we're not official and so what? He's a friend of Jackson and technically, my friend, too since knowing him about a year now. Anyways, what does it matter to you? We just talk and that's it." "Uh huh." Violet continued to convince her supervisor otherwise. "There's seriously nothing going on between us. We just talk like how friends talk to one another." "Yeah, like friends until late at night at four in the morning. Friends. Sure." "Shut up. I don't know why we're on this topic. Let's go back to why we're not closing early."

Lara grinned, but dropped the topic and continued with the previous one. "Well, Lyle changed his mind at the last minute. We're closing at nine thirty instead today." Lara informed her. "Didn't Minnie tell you?" "No." Violet groaned. "And she left two hours early, too." "Well, that's Minnie for you." Lara chuckled as she patted Violet's back. "Also, we had the notice on the door for two weeks now. You didn't see it?" "No, I didn't." Violet groaned again as Lara continued to rub her back. "Don't worry, it'll be fine. Tomorrow's Christmas and we're off!" Lara then whispered the other part in a teasing manner. "And you can enjoy more late night talks with your boy toy." "He is not a boy toy!" Violet exclaimed and then toned down her voice when her co-workers shot her knowing looks. Lara laughed beside her and Violet elbowed her. "That was totally not cool, Lala." "Hey, you're the one that overreacted after hearing 'boy toy', Vi. Not me, but you."

"Whatever and again, he's not a boy toy, or mine for that matter." Violet grumbled shooting her co-worker a glare. "I don't even know how that even came about." "The boys in the back talk, Violet. Remember that." Lara told her with a chuckle as Violet rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever. I forget that some of them are friends with Jackson and Mark, too. Ugh." Violet let another grumble. "Stupid back house boys always messing around with me." Violet then glanced down at the piece of paper and her eyes widened upon how many custard drink items were on it. "Are you serious, Lara?" She holds up the list. "There's like ten drinks on here." Lara had walked away to do something else while still replying. "Technically it's sixteen, but that's all on you since the customer specifically asked for you to make them or they don't want it at all if made by someone else."

"That's messed up, Lara. You couldn't lie or something?" Violet frowned and then glanced at two of her co-workers. "Hey, Carol or Megan can do it." She pointed at them when Lara turned to face her. "This J.F person wouldn't even know the difference." Lara gave her a firm look. "Look, Vi, that may be true, but that's close to a hundred dollar bill right there, and I already told them that you were here. So get going as ten minutes have already passed." Lara interrupted her from thinking otherwise. "And no, the others can't help you as they have other things to tend to." "But it's a lot, Lara." Violet tried, but Lara shook her head. "Just focus on that call-in order and don't worry about anything else." Lara's face softened. "Besides, the faster you get it done and over with the faster you can go home after you're long shift."

"Fine." Violet let out in a defeated sigh as she thoroughly read what was on the yellow slip with a pout. "Sixteen. Gah, sixteen drinks." She then noticed another co-worker walked by. "Ugh, kill me, Austin." "Why?" He asked as Violet showed him her list and he let out a low whistle. "Wow. Good luck, Magenta." He teased her before going back to the back of the house after getting a refill of his soda. "Tch. Stupid Jackson for sticking with that nickname after Mark accidentally called me that." She let out another sigh as she grabbed her pen and started to numbered the list so that she would know to make the 'least likely to melt' item first and then work her way to the 'most likely to melt' item last. "List done and now the actual tall cups." Violet then grabbed her black sharpie and wrote on the cups of what kind of dessert drink they wanted. This helped her to keep track of it all. "Wow. That's a lot and I haven't even started putting in the custard yet."

Thirty minutes later, Violet finished the last custard item, placed it onto the fourth drink carrier with the ticket list and the last three items, and placed them into the retail freezer with the other three drink carriers. "Alright, I'm done and I'm going home now." Violet announced happily as she began to untie her apron while walking towards the back of the store to put it away. Lara stopped her. "Not uh, missy. You're staying until the customer shows up." "What? Why?" Violet asked confused. "I finished the ticket. They can just pick it up without me being here." Lara shot her a wry look. "Didn't you read what was written on the back of the call-in ticket?" "No." "I think you should read it." "C'mon, Lara. It's Christmas' Eve, I've been here all day and I'm tired. Can't I just leave and go home?" Violet let out tiredly as she removed her apron while Lara shot her an understanding look. "I know, but not yet." Lara took Violet's apron. "Just clock out and sit in the office as you read the note. I'll let you know when the call-in is here."

"Fine, but can I at least changed out of my uniform?" Violet asked hoping she would say yes and noticed a smirk appearing on her supervisor's face. "What?" "Oh so you do have a hot date with Mark later tonight and it is official?" "No! I don't and we're not official. Sheesh." Violet groaned. "I just thought I had today off, but apparently I didn't. Luckily my work uniform was in my car though." Violet defended herself as Lara's face was still amused. "So you're going to be wearing your pj's around work?" "What? No. I went clothes shopping before coming to work." "Are you sure you're not going on a date with Mark?" Violet shot Lara a look. "What's up with this whole me and Mark going on a date thing?" Lara just shrugged with a small smile while waiting for Violet's real reason on going clothes shopping. "Anyways, it's because my parents want to do this Christmas' Eve dinner thing later tonight before they drive off to Texas to visit my mom's side of the family for the holidays and I needed newer and nicer clothes, too. Okay?"

"Hey, I'm not judging you, Vi." Lara told her with that same smile. "Anyways, just kick it in the office until then. I'll let you know when that call-in order comes through so you can take care of it." "Are you serious? Are you sure that the other girls can't do it for me?" Violet pleaded, but Lara shook her head. "Nope. No can do, kiddo." "I'm the same age as you." "Don't care. Anyways, hurry and clock out so you can change and not milk my clock." "I thought 'milking' was part of our job, Lara." "It is, when you're actually doing anything milk related, duh, Violet." "Tch, whatever, fine." "That's a good girl." "Not funny." "It wasn't supposed to be." "You're a jerk, you know that?" "I am the boss and need to make sure the kids listen to me." Lara grinned at her. "Now, go. You're bringing up my labor." "Yeah, yeah, I'm on it even though earlier you said it didn't matter." "I changed my mind." "Mmhmm."

Violet walked back to the front of the store and told her fellow co-workers that she was done for the day, but would be in the back chilling if they wanted to disturb her or whatever. She then clocked herself out, made her way to the retail freezer, grabbed the call-in ticket, headed back to the register to print out another ticket just in case someone asked about the items, and replaced the one she took. After doing that Violet made her way to the back and entered the office, grabbed her bag, and went into the employee bathroom to change. After doing all of that did she finally make her way back to the office to wait for this J.F customer to show up. Not sure what to actually do, Violet just settled herself onto one of the rolling chairs and played some random movie on the work's computer before remembering about the note on the ticket. "I guess I could read it and prepare myself when they arrive." Violet began to read the message out loud.

"Dear Lovely Lady Between the Shades of Red and Blue..." Violet stopped reading after reading those words. "Why does this sound like Jackson? And how did Lara keep a straight face when she wrote this?" She shook her head with an amused look and continued reading out loud. "Thanks for always making our drinks. We greatly appreciate it. Hope to see you soon. So please don't leave yet. Sincerely, J.F." Violet raised an eyebrow after finishing the note. "That's it? So simple." She flipped it back and forth, and then placed it onto the desk. "I don't even know what I was expecting, honestly." She told herself as she ran a hand through her hair. "Well, at least I can watch this Tinker Bell movie, Secret of the Wings, until then." Violet then shot a glance at the monitoring screen next to the computer screen where cameras were placed throughout the store to monitored it and noticed a large group of people entering the place. "Too bad I'm off the clock."

Violet was so engrossed with the film that she didn't hear the third knock coming from the door until she heard her name being called when the person opened the door to get her attention better. "Violet?" "Yeah?" Violet answered as she turned to look over her shoulder at the person. "What's up, Tim?" The younger male pointed behind him. "Lara said something about serving the call-in because they're here." "Ah, okay. Thanks, Tim." "Yup." Tim returned back to the kitchen leaving Violet to pause the movie. "Ugh, and they were about to stop the Freeze, too." Violet stood up, stretched, and glanced at the monitoring screen once again. "Hmm, should be okay. Doesn't seem busy now." And then noticed the time. "Huh, they showed up a little later than said. Oh well." She left the office and made her way to the front of the store and came across Lara. "Hey, Lara. Tim told me J.F is here?" "Oh yeah, his party is around the corner at the last booth." Lara informed her while pointing in that direction with a smile. "Have fun."

"A party?" Violet let out questioningly as she gathered the drink carriers from the retail freezer. "I thought it was only one person picking up the order and then leave right after?" "Nope, it's a pretty big group and they're actually dining in instead." Lara stated as she helped Violet put the carriers onto two eating trays for her to carry them better. "Alright, go ahead and send these out to them and let me know how it goes." Lara grinned and patted Violet on the back. "Are you serious?" Violet just shot her lead a look. "You're not going to help me?" "Nope. No can do, kiddo. I gotta take this order as I sent Carol on break." Lara smirked as she pressed a button on her headset to take the guest at drive thru. "Hello. Thank you for choosing Roman's Truffles. My name is Lara and I'll be tending to you tonight. Our flavor of the day is Oreo Overload. Which is amazing, I might add. What can I make fresh for you?" Lara waved at Violet before walking away to the drive thru's register.

"Sheesh, some friend you are." Violet mumbled as she balanced the two trays and began making her way to the customer while muttering to herself. "When this order is delivered, I can go home, then the dinner with the fambam, and my precious bed afterwards." Once she was nearing the group, she put on a friendly smile for some good customer service, and greeted them in a cheery voice without actually paying attention to the faces. "Hello." She placed the tray onto a nearby table so she could hand them their drinks. Although she didn't have to, but she always did this so that the customer would get their right order without having them to figure it out and then asking for a remake even though it wasn't needed. "So I have a call-in for J.F?" "Yes." One of them answered and Violet finally paid attention to the faces and recognized him instantly. "Jackson? Seriously?" She shot him a look. "You're the one that's been doing all these call-ins today?"

Jackson grinned at her and let out his hyena-like laugh. "Yes ma'am." He then waved his arms around at the other people around them. "I don't know if I told you, but some of my family and friends came to visit from out of state and I'm treating them out." He then looked at the others while pointing at her. "This is my good friend, Violet." "Hello." They greeted her as Violet waved at them with an awkward smile. "Uh, hi." She then remembered about the drinks and started to distribute them. "Blueberry Cheesecake mixer with extra Oreo's and cheesecake pieces?" No one claimed it and Violet repeated it once more. Still no response and so she put it back and grabbed another one and moved on. She then returned to the Blueberry Cheesecake mixer with extra add-ins. "Is someone missing?" Violet asked as the others looked at one another. "Jackson, did you order an extra one?" Jackson thought about it and shook his head. "No. Everyone got what they ordered."

Violet still held the dessert in her hand while giving her friend a weird look. "But there were sixteen on the list. This one is still unclaimed for. Jackson, are you sure?" "Yes, Violet, I'm really sure." Jackson answered with a roll of his eyes and smirked at her. "Maybe you miscounted or something." "I did not." Violet then remembered she was still at work and talking with a customer and so backed off. "Alright, well enjoy. If you need anything else, please do let us know." She smiled at them as Jackson grinned at her. "Will do, Viola. Thanks." Violet cringed at the other nickname, but continued to keep the smile on her face. "OK. Once again, please enjoy." She bowed her head as she backed away. Just as she turned around, she ran into another body who just turned the corner, and the custard spilled between them while falling to the floor due to the collision.

"Oh my. I am so sorry. I wasn't looking. Oh, I'm so sorry." Violet apologized as she stared at the custard cup where it was still leaking the sticky substance before looking up at the person she had ran into. "I'm so sor- ah, Mark. Hey." She suddenly greeted him, but then remembered what happened. "Oh, I'm so sorry about this. I didn't see you." Mark cast her an understanding look. "It's alright, Violet. It's my fault." He touched the spillage on his shirt. "I wasn't looking either when I rounded the corner. Sorry." "Ah, no, no. It was totally my fault. Ah, wait, hold on." She quickly walked to the condiment's bar and grabbed some napkins. She returned to Mark's side and handed him some of the napkins. "Here. And again, I'm really, really sorry about the accident, Mark." She then picked up the broken cup and threw it away before crouching down to try and clean up the mess.

Mark joined her after wiping away at the stain on his shirt. "Violet, it's okay." "Ah, Mark, you don't have to do that." Violet told him as she was surprised by his actions. "I might as well helped you since it was my fault, too." He grinned at her as Violet just shook her head. "No, it's okay. I got this." She finished up and took the dirtied napkins from him and threw it away. "Thanks though." "You're welcome." He smiled at her as the two just stood there while she kind of remained awkward about the whole ordeal after wiping away some of the mess from her sweater. Violet then heard Mark chuckled and she looked up at him. "What's so funny?" "This reminded me on how we first met." "Really?" Violet asked as she tried to recall the memory. "Yeah, the same thing happened that time. I rounded this corner as I was running late and you had a drink in your hand and we bumped into one another. Don't you remember?"

Violet let out an embarrassed laugh. "Um, not really, but it isn't a great first impression that I really want to keep though." She then asked why he was there. "Oh, Jackson invited me to hang out, but I just got done dropping off Joey at his girlfriend's house for a Christmas party, and the reason why I was late." "Ah, I see." Violet nodded her head as she assumed the custard was for Mark and that Jackson had lied to her. "Well, um, I'll let you go then." Violet said with a sheepish laugh. "I just hope you have another shirt, well sweater, to change into though. Although you can just zip up your jacket to covered the stain." Just as Violet was about to turned on her heels and walked away with embarrassment, Mark stopped her. "Ah, Violet, wait." She turned back to look at him unsure as she was still embarrassed about the whole thing. "Yes?" Mark looked at her a bit embarrassed as he didn't know what to say or do next.

"Just kiss already!" "Just confess already!" The duo heard two different people called out and turned to look at Jackson's party where Violet noticed Lara was apart of  while watching her and Mark. "Why are you there?" Violet asked her lead as Lara waved like it was normal sitting with the customers casually. "Because she's my girlfriend, Vivi." Jackson stated using another nickname for Violet as he wrapped his arm around Lara's shoulders. "Am not." Lara shrugged off his arm and moved away from him while Jackson just played it off coolly. "We were trying to help Mark out." Violet then glanced back at Mark. "Help you with what?" "Well..." Mark trailed off as he was still trying to figure out the right words. "Violet... I..." He let out unsure with a shy look as Violet was wondering where he was going with this although she could feel her heartbeat quicken its pace and thumping hard against her chest.

"Ugh, this is taking too long and it's going nowhere." Jackson let out frustrated as he patted Lara on the arm. "Lara, go with Plan B." "Plan B?" Both Mark and Violet let out confused. "What's Plan B?" Violet asked Mark as he shrugged being equally confused as her. "Honestly, I have no clue." "Leonidas! Zacharias!" Lara called out the nicknames of two boys as Violet's tall co-workers suddenly appeared and held some sort of long and gold tinsel over Mark and Violet's heads with some plant-like thing directly hanging over them. "Oh, look. It's a mistletoe." Lara feigned surprise. "Now you guys have to kiss." Everyone who was in the lobby witnessing this started clapping in merriment. Violet cast Mark an embarrassed look. "This is so embarrassing and I'm so sorry for Lara's action. I didn't know anything about this." She then rubbed her burning cheeks and avoided looking at Mark. "You seriously don't have to go through with it, Mark."

Mark watched her with a small smile while letting out a chuckle. "It's okay, Violet." He then grabbed a hold of her wrists and removed them from her cheeks while meeting her gaze. "There's something I have to confess." Violet bit her bottom lip wondering what it was although she had an inkling feeling of what it may be. "And that would be?" "Well, honestly there's two, but can I kiss you first?" He asked softly as Violet grinned at him suddenly wanting to tease him. "I don't know. Can you?" His lips quirked up following along with her. "May I kiss you?" "Um..." She continued to tease him while pretending to think about it. "I'll think about it." "Oh c'mon! Just kiss him already, Violetta!" Jackson let out frustrated using another nickname as Lara elbowed him. "Don't ruin the moment, idiot." "I'm not ruining anything, Lara. Besides, they're official anyways since the day they met. OK?" "Please, you're loud voice is disturbing their moment. Shut up, already." "Rude."

Due to Jackson and Lara's bickering this snapped Violet back to reality with the others watching her and Mark. She removed her wrists from his grip and used one of her hand to rub her elbow nervously. "Um, is it possible that we could do this somewhere else without them, y'know, watching us?" Violet asked Mark while tilting her head to the group behind them and Mark looked over and then back at Violet with a small smile. "Ah yeah. How about we go and talk outside?" "That would be great." Violet let out with a relieved sigh. "Wait!" Jackson called out interrupting the duo again. "You can't just leave us hanging even though I know you guys are already official and what not." Jackson stated with a pout. "Just confess and kiss and we'll be the witnesses to your guys' love line making." "Dude, shut up. Why are you always putting in your two cents?" Lara asked annoyed. "That's so annoying."

"Because it's a free country and it's my free speech." Jackson defended as Lara rubbed her temples to calm herself as to not hit the idiot. "1, 2, 3..." "Why are you counting?" Jackson asked clueless as he looked at his family and friends for an explanation, but none of them provided him with an answer. "Maybe Lara and Jackson should be the one hooking up." Violet chuckled as she whispered this to Mark. "If it makes you feel better, he does have a crush on your boss." Mark admitted with a laugh as Violet looked at him intrigued. "You mean Lara right? Because my boss is actually the owner, Lyle, who is married and a guy, unless Jackson rolls that way. Also, there's Minnie, too, but she is also married." Mark rolled his eyes playfully. "Lara of course and Jackson's straight from what I know. Anyways, don't you notice the two bantering left and right all the time?" Violet rolled her eyes while shaking her head as she and Mark made their way outside. "I just figured it was a Jackson thing." "Yeah, it can be that too."

Once the duo was outside and had settled themselves on to the patio did Violet questioned him. "You tried to reenact the first time we met, didn't you?" "How did you know?" Mark asked surprised that she had figured it out. "Well, it's not that hard considering Jackson wants us to kiss and Lara doing the whole mistletoe thing and making me make all those custard items." And Violet paused to let out a slight annoyed sigh. "To which I believe the one that was destroyed was supposed to be yours, huh?" Mark rubbed the back of his neck as he let out a sheepish laugh. "Yeah." He let out lamely, but recovered. "At least it worked out, didn't it?" Violet nodded her head in agreement. "It worked, yes, but it was so not cool that I had to make all of them, Mark." "Well, Violet, that was Jackson's idea." "Really?" "Yup." 'Ugh, figures. Anyways, what does J.F stand for though?" "Oh, that is one of his many nicknames that the guys call him. J-Flawless." "Should have known it was something like that." "Well, he made that one up himself." "Typical Jackson."

The two sat there while the silence lingered between them for a moment before Violet broke it. "Um, so earlier, you said you had something to confess to me about or something like that. What was it?" Mark looked at her a bit lost and then a smile graced his face. "Well it's now or never, so I might as well just say it since it's already kinda out in the open." Violet waited for him to continue on. "Violet, I like you." Mark confessed as Violet just stared at him shocked by his sudden confession. "Um..." Mark let out unsure as she still didn't react to his confession a few seconds later and assumed he just made it even more awkward between the both of them. "Violet?" Violet shook her head and focused back to reality. "Yeah?" "Did you hear me?" "Um, that you like me, right? Yeah, I did." "And?" "And well..." She let out slowly while gazing at him a bit shyly. "I like you, too, Mark."

Mark let out a relieved breath. "Oh, good. Because I really wanted to do this for a long while now since we first met." Before Violet could asked what that was, Mark had leaned across the table and tenderly placed his lips against her sharing their first kiss. He pulled away with a smile as Violet softly touched her lips. "Wow, I wasn't expecting that." She then looked up. "Well, at least the mistletoe didn't make you do it." She chuckled while glancing back at Mark. "Well, I wanted to do that then too, but it was kind of awkward at the time." "Tell me about it." Violet indirectly confessed in wanting to kiss him back then as Mark raised an eyebrow intrigued. "So you wanted to kiss me then, too?" "Yeah, but I didn't know how you felt about me." Mark leaned closer with a wide smile. "Well, now that we both know how we feel about each other. Let's try that kiss again." Violet leaned forward as well with a smile. "I agree."

Just as they were about to lock lips once more, they heard a thump against the glass and turned to see the others watching them. "BE OFFICIAL ALREADY!" Jackson yelled through the glass with Lara pulling him away in annoyance. "I don't know if to be embarrassed for myself or for them." Violet let out with a laugh as she used her hand to block them from her sight and looked over at Mark who also let out a laugh. "How about we just ignored them." He grabbed the collar of his jacket and raised it up and leaned even closer to Violet blocking the both of them from the onlookers. "Is this better?" "Yes. Much better." The two shared another kiss before pulling apart and Violet remembered she had other plans tonight. "Hey, I gotta go. I have this Christmas' Eve dinner with my family and I'm kinda running late." "Don't you have to change?" Mark pointed at the stain on her sweater. "I need to, but I'm already late as it is and my house is kinda far where I need to go."

Mark shook off his jacket and handed to her. "Here, take this." Violet didn't reach for it. "Oh, but that's yours. Don't you need it?" "I have another one in the car. Besides," He grinned at her as he still held out the jacket for her to take, "You can always return it to me tomorrow and borrow it again and returned it again." Violet took his jacket, slipped it on, and zipped it up. "Why tomorrow and I'm not the type to borrow things that belongs to others?" "Because it's Christmas and oh, you'll be borrowing from me a lot from now on." "We'll see about that and yeah I already knew that it was Christmas. So?" "And so Jackson having his annual Christmas party. We can meet there for you to return my jacket, if you want to." "Oh right, I forgot about that." Violet laughed. "Thanks for reminding me." "No problem." Mark smiled at her as he stood up. "Let me walk you to your car." "Well, I have to grab my things first." Violet let out slowly as she stood up and Mark saw her hesitation. "And?"

"Well, they're going to hound me about you and our status as everyone already believes your my 'boy toy' of sorts." Mark cast her an amused look. "You're 'boy toy', eh?" "It wasn't even like that. The boys just like to tease me, a lot." Violet tried to defend herself, but Mark just smiled at her understandingly. "I know. Austin and Michael do the same thing to me about you. Jackson more so than the others." He then took a hold of her hand in his. "How about we tackle this together since technically it was my fault that it became like this and we'll be official anyways as everybody's been saying it since the first day we met." "I'll like that." She smiled up at him. "And I'm good with the whole official part too, although it was a week for me instead of day one." "Good, because I already accepted it the day I met you." "Wow. But, thanks, Mark." She tip-toed and planted a kiss on his cheek. "You're welcome, Violet." He returned the same gesture. "Let's go."

[abisworldblog]

MY FREELANCING JOURNEY

DREAMS DO COME TRUE

When I was still working as a School Clerk, I've been dreaming of working as Call Center Agent. I am always looking at the big poster of Teleperformance at SM City Masinag. And I told myself, I will be part of it. I will be a Call Center Agent. Then I applied, i didn't expect that I will make it. I passed the initial, assessment, versant and final. To make the long story short, I was part of the BPO Industry for 7 years. From Technical Support Representative to Customer Service to Billing Specialist then Subject Matter Expert and Flex Supervisor. I never imagined that I will get all of this.

In 2018, I heard about freelancing. Data entry, social media manager, lead generation specialist. I tried applying in different freelancing platforms like onlinejobsph and upwork but I never get hired. So I enrolled in freelancing course for 600 pesos while I am working. Sometime I joined the class at 9pm until 11pm and my shift is 4am so I have to wake up early after the training. Most of the time I ended up watching the recorded videos. And luckily we were all given a chance to be an intern to one of the owners Social Media page. So i started posting women empowerment quotes and inspirational quotes and edit it in canva. The client was really happy about the outcome and she even hired after not as a permanent employee but everytime she needs something I will do it for her for free because I want to get more experience. Until 2019 I am still submitting proposals to different freelancing sites but still no luck. I only passed the initial interview then failed the next one. I GAVE UP.

2020, when the pandemic started everyone really wants to wfh, to be a VA, freelancer and I am one of those people. I told myself that I really have to do this again for the health of my family but still no luck. I GAVE UP AGAIN UNTIL 2021.

Then something bad came this 2022, I resigned from my previous company and I tried again applying but still no luck. Until I message one of the client that I never expected will hire me until I saw her message 2 weeks ago that was 2019 hahahahaha I asked her if she has a vacant job but she told me theres none but her friend is looking for a social media manager who can handle her social media accounts. So, I was referred by her. Client message me via WhatsApp, tell me about her business then boom. I got it! 10 hours a week. I was so happy because this is my first client i mean real client hahahhaha then I was referred again by my friend from my previous company her sister in law was looking for a VA for their client but I didn't pass because she told me it is really a hard job and it will be more harder for me since i have no experience yet as VA. BUT

She hired me as her Virtual Assistant. And I was so happy. After 2 weeks she let me handle her new project. And promoted me as a Project Manager. I was really blessed and happy🙂

Everything will fall into places in the perfect time and perfect place. Just always believe in yourself and never ever give up. Once again, This is Abi and this is my FREELANCING JOURNEY.

[thesecrets-wekeep]

I have to get these feelings out.

About 2 years ago my job hired a CNA that as soon as I saw him I thought “wow…okay.” Like totally my type, so nice, beautiful smile, dark brown eyes, ambitious, helps out his family, the works. I think I had just given birth to my son and was either PRN or about to go PRN at my job. When I went PRN I ended up only working weekends, and I worked with him almost every weekend. I looked forward to it. He was so kind and funny. We worked well together and he was a joy to be around. He was 22 at the time and I was 26. Fast forward a bit, I got into a work group chat and his name came up. I admitted to a rather large group of people “I have the biggest crush on xxx.” Of course I’m a married lady with a kid (at the time), but a girl still has feelings. So, it became a running joke for a bit. Then I became his direct supervisor about a month later. I knew he knew about the comment I made, but he never said anything to me about it. He never made me feel any type of way, and only occasionally would made a jokingly flirty comment. He was into this younger CNA we work with for a bit and I could tell she did not like it when I was around. Oh well…I was his supervisor, not only was I around, it would have been extremely inappropriate of me to even go there with him——despite the fact that I am married. Let’s jump to how. 7 months ago I had my second baby, and about a month after I came back from FMLA, this CNA went PRN to start nursing school. I literally cannot be anymore proud of him! He’s literally the best human and deserves all the great things in life. Over the last year of me working with him daily, we got pretty close. He has leaned on me during some tough experiences in life and I genuinely just think he’s the best thing ever. Like, he’s going to make someone very very very happy one day and she’s going to be so lucky. Since he’s gone PRN he has reached out to me a lot about school and life issues he’s having. I always try my hardest to steer him in the right direction and help him positively, because again, he deserves the world. As soon as he passed his classes this semester, he reached out to me to tell me. I’m so freaking proud of him.

Here’s where I feel like things have gotten sticky with my feels. He reached out to me Monday night about some very personal issues he’s having and we chatted for a bit about it, but we ended up losing service and so the conversation was cut short. On Tuesday I was able to sneak my way onto his shift duties, which were us traveling to other units together. This gave me an opportunity to talk some sense into him about his questionable life choices and it was a great conversation. So we sum that up, and then things got interesting. This guy is the type that really cares about you, I think he may be this way for everyone but I really don’t know. Anyway, he’s adorable…asking fun questions, just chatting about life and things to pass the time. Could a good chunk of it be considered flirting??? Probably harmlessly, yes. Anyway, the topic of people’s “type” came up because of some scandalous behaviors going on at work. He had told me about a girl we work with that had asked him to spend the night in her room and I’m not going to lie…it made me feel some type of way my dudes. But I moved on. I asked “is that your type of girl??” He said “no, not at all.” So I asked “what is your type, (name)?” Ugh. I wish I could play his face from my memory. The look was so seductive. He looked me up and down and said “you.” So plainly. So forward. I can’t. I can’t. When I think about it my stomach just doesn’t even know how to act right. Luckily I was saved by another coworker coming up behind us as an out of the conversation, but lawd. I’m a married spud. I’m a married spud.

I can’t handle these emotions. I’ll behave. I always do when tempted. But my goodness.

[pendragonfics]

Strange, Beauty

Paring: Armitage Hux/Reader

Tags: female reader, set during Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, past abuse, workplace relationship, friendship/love, canon compliant, fluff and angst.

Summary: From one tough place to another, Reader works as an engineer in the First Order, and catches the eye of General Armitage Hux.

Word Count: 2,357

Current Date: 2018-01-14

When the First Order recruited the factory that you worked for, there was no possible answer to it other than being yes and surviving. Not that you were a resistance-follower, no. The only qualm you had was that before working for the factory, you had been sold into slavery by your own family, and kept against your will. Now, instead of wearing a hand-sewn sack-like uniform, you were outfitted in the standard First Order uniform, and instead of working on Florrum, you were aboard one of the starships. But there was no time to think of your position in life, or wonder wistfully if you could be elsewhere – there was only work, and then, when there was no work, there was sleep.

You were assigned to a sector of the Subjugator where you worked as a mechanic, following the guidelines assigned by droids to complete tasks. It was still known for human labour to still be highly coveted – in a world where droids all had a sole purpose, sometimes it paid to have people working around the clock. So, you did what you did best; ignoring everything else but your job, and did the best work you could until you were allowed a rest.

It was just that which caused your blunder.

It was on a changing of shifts where you had worked so efficiently, your supervisor, a formidable man, noticed your work. You had no idea what you had done wrong, and within days, you were referred to a superior officer, who then granted you a promotion.

“Congratulations,” the superior officer shook your hand, and passed you a standard-appearing package. “Not many mechanics have the chance of proving themselves to become engineers.”

That was five years ago.

“_________, I swear, we’re getting too old to be single.” Your friend Osira, a fellow engineer, smacked your arm playfully. You were on the walk from the dining hall to the lounge, savouring what spare time after a shift on Zhellday had to offer before curfew, and then work on Benduday. “I for one, intend on working on getting someone.”

You raised an eyebrow. Osira Westmore was no stranger to ‘getting someone’. But then again, her home planet and culture spent before signing up to the First Order was quite colourful with its parings, and she was no stranger to relationships. For her, it was the simple factor of getting someone, and keeping them. For you, it was the opposite.

“Good for you,” you tell her, siding up to the small bar in the lounge. It was indeed small – manned by a droid on one end, mixing drinks, and a bartender attending to orders. “You’re the kind of woman who goes and gets things done when she wants, and I congratulate you.”

Osira harrumphs at that, and wastes no time ordering a row of Tipples for herself, knocking them back as soon as she gets them. She blinks, dazed momentarily, and asks, “So, what are you working on? And don’t say plans for improving stormtrooper blasters, y–you incorrigible girl.”

She slurs the last part, and you laugh, ordering a sparkling water. “Incorrigible, am I?” You repeat, taking a sip. “I’m just doing my job. Following orders.”

An alarm sounds throughout the lounge, a fifteen-minute warning until curfew is put into place. Osira flags the bartender hearing it, and orders another round of Tipples. “Yeah, you rule-following killjoy. You’d have thought, of all the people I could befriend, I get the one who doesn’t want to colour outside the lines.” As her Tipples arrive, Osira wastes no time downing them.

Your fingers uncurl from your glass. “Well, I’m sorry you’re stuck with me.” you tell her, and gathering yourself, walk off toward your room. “See you tomorrow, Westmore.”

On the walk back to your rooms, you try your best to not take her words to heart, and take the quickest route as to not break curfew. Rule-following killjoy. You’re too busy trying to get back to your room, and do not see a man in the upcoming crossroads of the corridors, and it’s entirely your fault when you both smack into one another, and the Datapad he’s holding flies out from his hands, and smacks the metallic wall with a thud.

“Do watch where you’re going!” he snaps, irate.

Your eyes are wide, and heart going so fast you’re afraid it’ll stop beating within your chest. You, a lowly engineer, have walked right into the path of the General himself, and not only that, have possibly broken his Datapad.

“I’m very s-sorry sir,” you amend with a stammer, bowing your head as you hurry to stand before your superior officer. He stands as well, dusting his slacks. You dive once more to gather the Datapad to save him from bending to do so, and hand it to him. “It won’t happen again, sir.”

“I should hope so.” General Hux nods curtly, and adds, “What is your name and rank, officer?”

You swallow, hearing the worst in his tone. By asking for those, you know he’s going to report you to your supervisor, and then you’ll suffer a demotion, and there was no way you’d go back to a mechanic, not when you’re now working on greater things. But you know the penalty for not obeying a direct order from a superior officer, and you acquiesce.

“I am _________, sir, _________ _________. Engineer.” You stand to attention, all-but saluting him. It’s then the second, and last curfew reminder sounds throughout the halls, and your eyes go wide. “I’m sorry, but I have to go, I can’t overstep curfew.” You excuse yourself, raising your hand in a weak salute, and flee.

---

It’s next Benduday when you see him again, and a week later, you’re still trying to keep your cool about the encounter. While work has been excitable – gossip around the ship told of a soon to be rebel uprising – it hasn’t been enough to keep busy with both your hands, and your mind, and while you’re not trying to get the face of the disgruntled General out from your mind, you’re swatting Osira off, trying to stop her from asking too many questions about your disposition for the last week.

It gets too much, and discreetly, before your supervisor catches on, you tell her. “Last Zhellday, after you called me…those things, I ran into General Hux.”

Her eyes grow wider than a moon. “How are you still alive? I heard he’s ruthless!”

You shake your head, remembering how brash he was, at first – commanding, harsh. But you could have sworn that after he asked for your name, the edge had come off from his voice, and you weren’t talking to a terribly stressed general, but just simply, a man.

“No, no, the other one’s that,” you correct Osira, “You mean the one who wears all black, and choked Darryl from maintenance last week. Kylo Ren.”

“Engineers _________, Westmore!” your supervisor snapped, marching toward you both. “May I remind you that you are contracted for designing construction for the First Order, not talking?” He narrows his eyes. “Consider this you first, and final warning before punishment and or demotion, officers.”

“Yes sir.” You said. Osira agreed.

You both returned to working on the calculations for the new weaponised planet. It wasn’t until the day had ended that you spoke once more, or really, looked at your friend (you really did fear punishment and or demotion, and did not take it lightly). But when you did, it was not to Osira, at all, or your supervisor.

It was him. General Hux.

Luckily for you, this time, you weren’t running late for curfew, and you did not knock into him again. Osira had organised a date for herself (“She’s a Stormtrooper, and likes Corellian wine too,” she said) and left alone, you were sitting in the main congregation area for the Subjugator, nursing a glass of white alcohol, and reading the day’s unread reports upon your Datapad.

“Mind if I join you, Engineer?” An educated voice intoned. Only glancing up from the reports, you realised it was General Hux. He wore his greatcoat, and dark uniform, and had a tumbler of whiskey in hand. When you did not protest, he sat beside you on the lounge.

“Please forgive me for asking,” you tell him, aware that you’re talking to the leader of the First Order, “but why are you on the Subjugator? I thought your main vessel was the Finalizer.”

Hux considered your question, and replied, “It’s for an inspection,” he nurses his drink close to his chest, and adds, “Although, I’m not here on business.” You raised a brow, turning off your Datapad to pay full attention to him. “I’ve only just had the time to consider your history. If I should say, you’ve lived a strange life.”

You raised your glass to your lips, somewhat amused. If the General of the First Order believed that, then, well, it must be true; for you, it was just your life. “It all began with a farm on Ryloth, that had no animals.” You looked down, only now remembering all the suffering you’d gone through before you’d been rescued by the First Order, and placing your half-empty wine beside where you sat, you rose to leave. “Please excuse me, General, it’s been quite a long day.”

---

It was a year later when the weaponised planet came to fruition. Life got very busy – the weapon’s plans went into action, and building a planet from metal and mathematics took time and sleepless nights. But in the end, it’s construction was a marvel – breathtaking. Named Starkiller Base, you were one of the first to be assigned from your division to it. Whilst working on it, you were promoted to an architectural role, and luckily because of your career advancement, had access to the evacuation pods and escaped the inferno.

All that hard work, and still, the rebels managed to ruin it.

It was another four months after the destruction of Starkiller Base when you crossed paths with General Hux once again. Supreme Leader Snoke had been killed, and his student Kylo Ren had inherited the title. Jedi master Luke Skywalker had died, but still the Jedi religion prevailed. While the rebels were nearly crushed within an inch of their life, they still found a way to survive. With every win, came a loss, and as much as you disliked it, you were sure the General felt the same way.

You saw him in the hallways of the Finalizer, late at night. The day shift had turned to night, and walking to your own quarters, you heard a whimper, a sort of lost noise nearby. Even though it had been years since your days at the factory, your heart went out to every mistreated soul like you had been, and unable to stop, you sought out the person who was in pain.

General Hux stood in front of the entrance to his quarters, leaning on the wall at an awkward angle, hands wrapped around his midsection. You let out a sigh. Not waiting for his approval, you opened the code pad for his door and hotwired it to open.

“Come on.” You tell him, offering your arm. “You don’t look so good, General.”

He accepts your help, and you walk him into his quarters. They’re the same as your own, apart from a small living area and desk adjacent to a personal kitchenette. Walking him in, you get Hux to sit upon the small couch, and waste no time searching the room for a medical kit.

“What – are you doing?” He asks, slightly out of breath.

Having found the kit, you take it over to where he sits. “You’re injured, sir.” You tell him, and you know he already knows that detail. The fact that he has colour in his cheeks, and real emotion upon his face is enough of a tell, even if you couldn’t see the way he favoured his side, and middle. You begin to undo his jacket, and pushing it from his shoulders, he recoils.

“What are you doing?” he asks, aghast.

You raise your eyebrows. “When I was a slave, I had to treat a lot of the other children for the abuse we got, sir,” you tell him, not touching the subject of your General being somewhat repulsed by being undressed by another person. “If this is the work of the new Supreme Leader, there will need to be medical attention as soon as possible. I could get a droid in –,”

He groaned. “Just – take my damn shirt off, _________.” He grits his teeth.

You do so, and laying him down, see the damage. From what your probing finger can tell of the tender flesh of his stomach and chest, there are a few bruised ribs, and kidneys. The skin is turning green and blue where it hurts the most upon him, and his left wrist seems to be completely out of action. Perhaps broken when he took a fall.

“Oh, General,” you whispered.

He couldn’t look at you. “It’s regular, now. There’s nobody to keep his anger upon a leash now.” His voice crackles, and you see tears start to fall from his crystalline eyes. “I – I don’t know what to do.”

“General –,” you begin to say, fingers moving to touch his shoulder.

“Armitage,” he corrects you, meeting your eyes. “_________, what do I do?”

You consider your words before you say them. “Confront, or cower.” You tell him. “It’s either one or the other, there is no midground between them. You can be the General that the First Order and whole galaxy knows you to be, or a boy.” You cradle his face, and whisper. “I cowered, when I was small…a word of advice, though, it never helped me.”

Armitage makes a noise, and moves to sit. “How do I know I can be strong enough to do that?”

“I’m not quite sure,” you whisper. Slowly, you kiss your fingers, and place them upon his chest, where his heart lays beneath the surface. “But, you’ve always got me.”

[smolfangirl]

Destined to collide

A sound so sweet, of you and me - 1 - First meetings

A huge Thank you to everyone who took time to comment on the prologue, I loved your reactions and hope you like this chapter just as much!

Story: In a world where you only know who your soulmate is by calling them by their first name, Matteo soon finds that the smallest words can be the hardest to say.

Word count: 1.6k

It was a picture-perfect day in Cancún. No clouds in the deep blue sky, only the sun, bright and warm, with a little breeze whirling up the air.

Matteo skated along the beach, enjoying every minute until he had to leave again to meet with Ámbar. Not a lot of people were around, mostly tourists sitting in the cafés alongside of hungry seagulls, which allowed him to practice some tricks. Jumps, complicated long spins and, finally, a flip.

When he got up to spin around one last time, he suddenly rolled back, losing his balance, and there was a girl, a girl crashing into him.

“What the…”, he muttered, his head dizzy, sight blurred.

When it cleared up, Matteo found a brunette girl with skates in front of him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to”, she stopped to clear her throat, “I mean, I yelled Watch out. It’s not my fault.” She crossed her arms, which lead his attention to the badge of the local fast food restaurant he had passed earlier.

Unfortunately, he found no name attached to it.

“Are you sure? Because you skated into me, so it’s definitely not my fault”, Matteo shot back.

The girl frowned at him. “You were skating in the middle of the sidewalk! Who do you think you are?”, she inquired, hands now on her hips, a challenging glimmer in her eyes.

He wasn’t completely sure if she felt as annoyed as she pretended to be.

He huffed. “I’m Matteo.”

She stared at the hand he offered her. “What a shame, chico fresa fits you so much better.”

“I’m not a strawberry”, Matteo replied. It almost sounded like a question. He found her intriguing, something about her captured his attention, conjured his curiosity… but a strawberry?

“That’s what we call a snob here”, the girl explained, the satisfied grin on her face impossible to miss. “Don’t pull strawberries into this.”

Laughing, he nodded. His gaze hurried over her again. He couldn’t deny she was cute, very cute, with the brown curls falling into her face, these bright green eyes and a smile that made him feel like laughing too.

“My bad. And what name did your parents settle on instead of chica delivery?”

“Luna”, she blurted out. A hint of red tainted her cheeks, but before he got the chance to tease her some more, she waved him off. “Anyway, I gotta go. Bye, chico fresa!”

He watched her disappear while disappointment settled on his chest. For the first time, he wondered how it would feel to say a first name, wondered what taste it would leave on his lips.

“Luna”, he whispered. There laid an unknown excitement in his stomach, almost like hope and happiness.

Too bad he’d never see her again.

Or that’s what he thought.

He was waiting for Gastón and Nina by the bar, surrounded by his friends to celebrate that the first week of school was over and to finally catch up on everyone’s adventures during the summer. Not that he cared a lot at which beach or mall Yam and Jim tried to spot cute guys or girls, or where Jazmín spent all her allowance on outfits she swore were the new deal in fashion. Until Tamara showed up, he mostly listened half-heartedly. Even then, he barely paid attention to his trainer.

At first.

Because suddenly, a small figure appeared behind her and to Matteo’s honest surprise, he recognized that girl.

Luna.

Whatever thought ran through his head previously, it immediately vanished into nothingness.

“Hey guys”, Tamara tuned in, and an entity of greetings came back. She smiled, but all that Matteo could care about was the reason a girl he had met in Mexico suddenly stood in a rink in Buenos Aires.

No matter how hard he tried to look away, his gaze refused to leave her.

With no warning, she returned his stare, her eyes like a bright green crystal under the sun, so incredibly clear and beautiful.

For a moment, everything else around him got diminished by a fogginess in his perception that only left space for her.

When he snapped out of it and took a deep breath, Tamara was talking again. “So, I want to introduce you to Luna, she’ll be working as the new supervisor.”

“You here? Weren’t you delivering fast food in Mexico?”

She turned around to him, eyes wide open but then she swallowed, all surprise gone from her face, as if him following Tamara and her towards the entry was nothing less but ordinary.

“Excuse me?” A casual tone, even bored, like he was an annoying customer who lost the privilege of fake friendliness.

Now it was Matteo who felt surprised, to say the least. Given how she had looked at him before, he would have taken a bet that she recognized him just like he hadn’t forgotten her.

However, the raised eyebrows and expectancy in her expressions proved him wrong.

“Eh, we met before, in Cancun? Mexico? A few weeks ago?” (Two weeks, to be exact.)

No realization lightened her face.

Matteo sighed. “You skated into me by the beach.” Finally, she granted him a reaction. “Ooh, you’re the sidewalk guy! The chico fresa!”

He smiled, giving her an enthusiastic nod even when he still hadn’t come to term with her weird nickname for him.

“I’m surprised you’re not in the middle of the way. And, just for the record, you skated into me.”

“I’m still not a strawberry, but whatever, and I did not skate into you!”, a weak protest, so he decided to let it be. “Anyway, you ran away pretty quickly… you know, to be honest, usually girls do everything to spend more time with me, not the opposite.”

Luna snorted, a sound he had no idea could be filled with so much objection. “I had skates on, so technically I wasn’t running away. And I was working.”

Matteo grinned. Without realizing it, she’d given him the perfect teasing material. Oh, how he already loved it… “So, you’re saying if it wasn’t for work you wouldn’t have left?”

Speechless, she stared at him.

A blush colored her cheeks, making her look even cuter. “What? No?”, Luna finally opposed after a decent few seconds of awkward silence, “You’re thinking too highly of yourself, chico fresa.”

Chico fresa. Again. Either Luna handed out nicknames like free samples in a mall or he hit a nerve. (He hoped for the latter to be true.)

“I could never think too highly of myself. But tell me, chica delivery, are you afraid you might fall for me? If you stay with me for too long?”

“Me? Falling for you? You wish!”

With the blush turning deeper and deeper, Matteo never wanted to stop. Unfortunately, though, his best friend crossed his plans of bantering with Luna some more. “Matteo! There you are!”, he shouted out of nowhere, suddenly behind Matteo and resting his arms around his shoulders.

“Who’s that?”, Luna blurted out.

Sighing, Matteo shot Gastón a look. “This is Gastón, my best friend and…” – he had no chance of finishing his sentence. “Details, Matteo, no one cares about who I am. But I care about who you are”, Gastón interrupted, before he scanned Luna, who began to shift awkwardly on her place. “How do you know Matteo?”

“Eh, let’s go with we met in Mexico”, she replied while she played with the many bracelets hugging her wrists.

Matteo hardly covered up how badly he wanted to facepalm at her reply – knowing his best friend, he’d rather come up with hundreds of follow-up questions than to let the topic go. Something as vague as We met in Mexico simply didn’t cut it for him.

Especially when Matteo hadn’t mentioned her after he came back.

“Interesting, interesting…”, Gastón indeed mumbled to himself, but luckily for Matteo, Nina decided to join them that moment. “Oh, hi, Luna! Was this the job you told me about?”, she greeted the little Mexican.

“Wait, what? You know her?”

Honestly, he felt like he was stuck in a dream without noticing – one of these weird ones that followed him around all day and left him with this haunting inability to make a distinction between reality and subconscious fantasy.

Nina shot him a side look, confused. “Yes, the teacher assigned us as seat partners.”

He turned to Luna, let his eyes wander over her. With her colorful outfit, he found it hard to imagine her in the Blake’s school uniform. And… how come he hadn’t seen her? For a whole week?

“You didn’t tell me you’re visiting the Blake, chica delivery. Any other things I should know? Did you already find out my address? My sleeping schedule?” That’s where Gastón interrupted, “Bro, no offense, you don’t have one.”

Flipping his best friend off, Matteo stole another glare at Luna, only to find her with her arms crossed, looking extremely offended. “You’re making it sound like I’m stalking you!”

He snorted. “Because apparently you are.”

Luna took a step closer to him, bringing him to realize how short exactly she was. How she had to tilt her head to meet his eyes. How he had to fight a smirk because of this observation.

“Yes, yes, there’s nothing I love more than stalking a chico fresa like you.” A short break and a chuckle that blew her cover. “I already told you, you’re thinking too highly of yourself.”

As much as Matteo would have loved to counter that, his friends jumped in before the sassy remark reached his throat. “Strawberry guy? What?”, they simultaneously asked, confusion sprinkled all over their faces.

Luna sighed. “This will be fun…”

Although she most definitely had a different meaning in mind, Matteo couldn’t help but hope it indeed would be fun.

[foreveratlas]

The Late Birthday

This post is a present for someone important to me. Though it is a little late, it’s a lot more effort than my usual Poem a Year tradition. Plus, it helped me unlock some of my writers block. Enjoy!

Loren

I had looked up at the analog clock posted over the door of the break room. It read 10:43pm. I was absolutely exhausted, which was only amplified by the reminders nagging me in the back of my head in regards to Elena’s birthday. I was panic-stressing, pacing the room around the four round tables; and despite her anxiety, and yet, still due for another hour of work. Due to recent shrink going on in the department, I was being forced to stay late.

This was creating within me, a sense of worry. Of course, I had wished Elena a Happy Birthday, promised to try to be home soon, but when the announcement was sprung earlier that day that everyone with any form of authority in the store would be staying over, all I could do was text Elena and groan loudly in the women’s restroom.  

I needed to make time move faster, and I needed to get home so I could prep everything. In the breakroom fridge sat a cheesecake, made fresh that day by the bakery; the best cherries that were available; and a package of precooked barbecue brisket (easily heated to temp in the microwave). But I was going to miss the entire day at this rate! I wasn’t going to be able to celebrate with my problematic favorite person until the next day, and I didn’t even know if our schedules aligned.  

I sighed loudly as my pacing continued.

A cough returned my aspiration. “Yeah, it’s horse shit they make us do this.” Mike, the manager of Produce and Snacks wiped his chin on a handkerchief. “It’s not like it’s gunna accomplish piss-all.” He was an amusing character with a big brushy mustache, and the gaunt composure of a cattle driver,  but he seemed wholesome. He never seemed to have a problem with myself or with Elena when she was still with the store.  

“Do they do this often? They claimed they found a lot of shrink in my department but--”  

“Horse shit,” he sneered again. “You just made it to supervisor, but what it is they just want the labor of the salary people to go over the shit because they don’t wanna pay the hourly kids.”  

Loren scoffed. “Wouldn’t it just be easier to have us direct them to do that during their normal shifts on top of their regular duties?”

“One would think, but this aint Rocket Science Academy. Smarter minds have come here to die.” I shuddered at the idea and looked away to see the clock switch to 10:50. As good a time as any to clock back in and get back out there.  

On the floor, the time was even more excruciatingly slow. I took every second I could spare to check my phone’s digital clock. And as the seconds ticked by, I began to wonder if I would even be able to beat the traffic and get home in time. This new stress was confounded even as my department’s manager came up and said, “We may need you to stay till one.”

“One?” I half screamed and cried at the same time, causing several other employees around them to stop their tasks and stare. “I was told eleven, and then 11:30. Why One now?”

“Corporate wants us to stay for an all nighter.”  

“Then I expect my compensation to be reflective of these hours. I may be salary but you are clearly overworking me.”

My boss quickly moved to shush me, waving his hands in the air, “You can’t say that!”

“Why not? I’m just stating a fact.”

“Because it could lead to a write up.” I gave my boss a face that made it very apparent that the prospect was very much not what I wanted. And partially, I didn’t believe him. I rarely believed any of the jargon that the company had the audacity to put out there. It was pretty obvious when we are treated with dignity and when something seems fishy. He recanted, “I don’t want you to get written up over something stupid. You know you can take the accrued additional time off on another day.”  

I made an emotional display and pouted vividly as he spoke and finally said, “But it’s my girlfriend’s birthday.” I did my best to show what should have been puppy dog eyes. But to honestly, in hindsight, I don’t know how to use my charms to seduce men.

Luckily, my boss sighed and said, “I’ll see what I can do. But for now, no promises. And if I tag you out, you are gone. No dawdling. No sticking around. You go.”

“I gotta get my stuff though,” I interjected.

“Then get it and go!”

I kept working as we had agreed and kept looking to my boss for some form of relief. And slowly 11:30 came. And went. And then 11:35. 11:40. 11:45. And finally at 11:49. My boss passed as I was in the process of counting belts (in obvious lackluster) and whispered, “Run now, Vale, you won’t get a second chance.”

I thrust my clipboard into my boss’s hands and sprinted past him, going full speed of almost thirteen miles an hour. I ran hard, letting my Sketcher-Relaxation loafers get torn up from the exertion. After rounding the first set of shelving that made up the aisle for the electronics, adjacent to my own department, I turned sharp left, sprinting as hard as I could. The breakroom doors were within my sight, just beyond the medicine and optometry departments. I turned at the pharmacy aisle one more time and went in a direct line to the door, hurdling over a cart filled with Tylenol products.  

I rammed my shoulder into the door, rushed into the breakroom and moved to the refrigerator that housed the food I had purchased earlier that day. I grabbed the bag and the cheesecake and turned on my heel, just as the District Manager stepped out of the restroom on the opposite wall. That’s when I froze, suddenly well aware that no one was suppose to be leaving earlier than one.

“Excuse me,” he said pointedly, his tone very firm. The district manager walked across the breakroom, smiled beneath his thick red beard and said, “Mm, is it someone’s birthday today?” He looked down to see the custom cheesecake in the white box.  

I nodded, “My girlfriend’s,” I offered almost shyly.

His eyes seemed to light up at that. “My husband loves cheesecake,” he announced, matter-of-factly. “Well, go, go celebrate. Don’t know why they’re making you all do this shit just because I’m here this week.”

“Wait, are you saying we don’t have to do this busy work?”

He shook his head. “It’s just burning hours, really. Corporate tells them not to do this but Stacy always demands this kind of thing when myself, the regional manager, or the V-P is in town.”

“That seems so superfluous.”

“Good word choice. Tell me more good words next time you’re on the clock,” He looked down to see my name, “Low-Ren. Oops, sorry, Loren.” He ushered me out the door at that, but it was too late. That exchange had brought the clock from 11:50 to 11:55. There was no way I could make it home in time. But, dammit I was going to die trying.  

Elena

When Loren woke up that morning and wished Me a happy birthday, I was confused for a moment, but pleasantly surprised. Truthfully, I hadn’t celebrated my birthday in years, probably not since before my mother left when I was still a teen. Because of such traumatic events that occurred after, I simply chose to avoid the very prospect of my birthday. I did my best to do anything other than celebrate, often avoiding the triggers as my therapist would say. But that didn’t always work, unfortunately. But at least I had Loren this year to help make the event a little more bright.

Though, a thought imbedded into my brain. Why should we be the only people celebrating? I smiled at the thought of hosting a small gathering and moved to look for my phone in the sheets of our bed. When I finally did discover it in its resting place between mattress and wall, I was dismayed to learn that I had no messages or greetings or social media posts wishing me a happy birthday. I frowned at the thought that everyone didn’t know, but I went ahead and decided to text Alison.  

Loren is throwing a birthday patty for me, she texted. Shit, Party*

A party you say? Alison replied. Happy Birthday! I didn’t even know it was today! A party sounds like fun.  

Did you forget lol? I don’t think it was going to be anythimg major. Dammit, anything*. I continued, But I wanted to invite as many people as possible to enjoy it with sus. Ughhh, us*.

Let me see what I can do to help, Allision responded. I’ll even let Gregor know. You just focus on making the place pretty.  

I wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be an insult or a reminder that we lived in clutterfuck. A royal clutterfuck. I sighed at the thought, but she was right, the apartment was more than a stye and needed its fair share of TLC before it could be decent enough to host guests. So, I got up, got dressed, kissed Loren on the cheek as she passed in the hall between the bedroom and bathroom, and proceeded to do my morning routines.  

Long after Loren had left for work, I sat in our living room looking about the carnage of the living situation. When I had lived alone, this was hardly messy. Now take out containers and magazines were strewn about. Dishes were piled in the sink in the kitchen, and mail was accumulating on various surfaces. Coats, shirts, and pants found homes on the back of chairs; three bags of garbage had been left to sit by the door but never taken out; and I was all but positive that the air filter for the AC unit was caked to the point of no return.  

How did the apartment manage to get in such a state? I wondered as I took stock of everything that had gone wrong in our cohabitation. For the first time ever, I truly wasn’t even sure if we owned a vacuum between the both of us. Was there even a mop or a swiffer? How about a duster?  

“Start with what you can do, don’t worry about the other stuff until you get to them,” I said aloud and moved to the kitchen. Grabbing a trashbag, I set about the house, picking up various articles of trash and cleaning each room of their rubbish in a quick and painless manner. The trashbag was large, able to accommodate months of accumulation, and was even able to fit the garbage from their bathroom and bedroom. I set the bag outside, came back in and continued my home improvement journey.

Next on the list was dishes, which not only had a thin film of dust, but emitted a very cautionary smell. Thank the dear Lord we had a dishwasher! And with some sanitary gloves from our stash of fun stuff, I managed to rinse and load the dishes into the washer quickly enough. The apartment maintenance went by pretty quickly thankfully. Since I got on the right meds months prior, everything seemed like this was living life with Cheat Codes. Even when some emotional lows slipped through the cracks, I was luckily able to bounce back pretty quickly now.  

I had just replaced the air filter when there was a knock at the door. Before I could even get to it, Alison burst inside, hugging me tightly, “Oh, I thought you might need my help so I came over right after work, but it looks like you pretty much got a handle on it!”

I smiled sheepishly, “Yeah I didn’t know how bad it actually was. Sorry you had been subjugated to that in the past.” I looked off to the side sheepishly but either Alison intentionally didn’t notice or she did her best change the mood.  

“Oh no worries, now let’s talk party!” She ran back outside and returned shortly with several bags with the dollar store logo on them. Streamers, balloons, noise makers, and more filled them to the brim. We set to work blowing the balloons with the hand pump she brought and then I took the step ladder from the hall closet and began stapling the streamers around the apartment. Before long, the apartment looked like a birthday party dream for a teen. I wasn’t sure if the irony pleased me or made me question our motive. But Alison certainly was happy with the result. She was still pumping air into balloons when the first knock came.

Gregor and his roommates, Talia and Vox were the first people to show up. I greeted Talia and Gregor with tight hugs and then waved to Vox who wasn’t comfortable with physical touch in contrast to their roommates.

“Happy Birthday!” Gregor offered. “I had no idea!”

“I had totally forgotten myself,” I laughed.  

“Well with the whirlwind romance between you and Loren, I imagine forgetting your birthday is not the worst thing,” Talia noted.

Vox sipped their glass of water they took from the kitchen, “Where is Loren?”

“At work. To be honest, she remembered. It was so sweet of her. I bet she planned to do something small, so I wanted to do something big. We can do something between the two of us later when everyone leaves.”

Alison chortled and elbowed me playfully, “Ehh, ehh, something between the two of you, huh? Going to have a little bit of fun, eh? Going to wait till you’re alone, huh? Wink, wink; nudge, nudge; say no more!”

Vox spit their drink.  

Guests began to arrive steadily, and by the end of that first hour there must have been thirty people who knew Loren and myself piled into our home, chatting vibrantly, drinking from the cases of beer they brought. At one point Alison had Gregor and Vox bring out the cake they had been hiding in the back Gregor’s car around 10pm, and the entire party stopped and sang.  

But by that point I was miserable.

I had received the text from Loren earlier explaining that work was making her stay over. I knew it was bullshit from when I worked there. They made us do it all the time when the district manager or the regional manager were in town. It was just busy work designed to make us feel like we were grunts and show to corporate that we had the hardest working people in the district. Really, it was all for show. But knowing that fact didn’t stop me from being absolutely beside myself with depression as it slipped through the cracks of my medicine induced armor.  

“You ok?” Alison said as she handed me a piece of cake.  

I sighed. Somewhere, someone turned off the music and in that moment I realized that the chatter and the jubilance came to a gentle quiet and people began to ask if I was ok. “You know,” I finally offered, “The majority of you knew me as a complete monster but now? Now you all are here, with me, celebrating today. I shouldn’t be sad, but I am.”

Talia sang, “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to,” and there was a light chuckle. I explained that Elena had to work and there was a quiet acknowledgement.  

“This has to do with Loren not being here because of work, right?” Alison asked. I nodded.

Then Vox spoke up, “Hey uhm, I know we’ve only been friends on social media for so long but, I think it’s important to tell you that though it’s late, you still will be able to celebrate with her.”  

I looked up, “Well yeah, but I just wish she could be here right now. I don’t think she will make it home in time for the actual date.”

Vox smiled, “Well, that’s not quite what I mean but, here take a look at this. . .”

Loren

I stepped through the door of our apartment at 12:15 am, holding the cheesecake in one hand, and the bag of groceries in the other. Elena sat on the couch alone and I realized there were party streamers and balloons all over the apartment, and the trash we had managed to collect on various surfaces was all gone.  

“Baby I am so sorry,” I cried as I sat the stuff down on the coffee table in front of her.

“Hun, it’s ok it’s not that big of a deal,” Elena responded, more comforting me than anything else.  

“Work was a nightmare, it was all a racket.”

“I could have told you that.”

“Why didn’t you warn me about these fake audits they do to try to impress corporate.”

“I honestly totally forgot about it. But they don’t usually spring it on you unless the big-wig is there already.”

“He was, but that’s besides the point.” I sat down next to her and opened the cheesecake container. Elena smiled widely.

“My favorite,” she cooed as she reached toward it.  

“Let me get some forks, hun--” a knock at the door.  

“It’s literally after midnight, who could that be?” Elena asked with a smile. Instead of going to the kitchen I went to the door, which was then nearly kicked open by Alison, and in came behind her was Gregor, his roommates, and about 30 other people, filling out our apartment to the brim.  

I started laughing, “What is all this?”

Elena stood up and scooped a tiny bit of cheesecake with her forefinger, she moved carefully around the guests and wiped the cream-cheese on my nose. “Guess what babe, you didn’t miss it.”  

“Happy Birthday, Elena!” Everyone said almost simultaneously, and then with Gregor’s boisterous voice, were led into song. “Happy birthday to you--”

I stood there dumbfounded until Elena said, “Babe, you weren’t late. You were a day early!,” She laughed as the song continued.  

“Well then,” I responded. “Happy birthday, dear Elena. Happy birthday to you,” I sang with the close of the song, ending my vocal talents by kissing my girlfriend on the lips. She smiled into my mouth and returned the kiss, wrapping her arms tight around me, The cream cheese smudged between our faces, and around us people cheered and the sounds of a party ensued. But in that moment, I was lost in the focus of Elena’s lips and the surrealness of where I was in that moment, celebrating the birthday of my favorite person.

Though, this may be super late, happy birthday to my best friend; my favorite person.  

[salviaplarth]

Heya

I know, I know. It’s been about eight months since I’ve last posted an update. About time I post another one right?

I finally graduated from CSUF and received my degree in History. Am I making use of that degree? No, not at the moment. While I did apply to some jobs that were in relation to my degree, I didn’t hear back from any of them which was a bummer, but I wasn’t too upset about it.

I left my job at the restaurant, Sup Noodle Bar, because I was feeling unhappy working there due to how management treated me. It’s not that they treated me like shit, it was more like I was just nonexistent. Like they forgot that I’ve been there since day one. While I didn’t think I’d stay in contact with my coworkers, I actually have and we’ve all hung out with together every now and then. It’s great. 

I currently work full time inside of Disney California Adventure, specifically for Ghirardelli. So in actuality, I’m working for Ghirardelli, not Disney. Before you ask if I can sign you in, no I cannot due to being Disney affiliated. I personally love working there, the management and my coworkers are great. The job itself is simple, easy, and fairly stress free for the most part. Of course, it’s not a long term deal because I eventually do want to do something with my degree, but at the moment, working here temporarily is totally fine. I applied to be a supervisor and who would have thought, I actually got it. However, when I applied, I had barely been working there for four months and didn’t cross train into other areas within the store so was informed I’ll be promoted to supervisor come June after I’ve become more proficient in the other areas. It was a huge self esteem booster, especially since I applied for the lulz knowing damn well I wouldn’t get it because I was too new, but boy was I wrong. 

Speaking of that, one of my coworkers there is has basically become one of my best friends. His name is Omar. He’s four years younger than me, but pretty mature and thinks very logically. It’s a contrast to me who thinks more on feeling. He’s also hilarious and a mega weeaboo. Again, before you say anything, he’s just my friend. In fact, he’s gay so we’ve just got a strong platonic friendship going on, it’s really nice. It’s because of him and my other coworker, Perry, that my interest in anime returned. We’re actually attending a convention next Saturday, May 5th, and were all cosplaying characters from Bungou Stray Dog. I’m actually super excited about that!

Continuing off the coworker thing, I got a gym pass and Omar is my workout buddy. I’ve only gone once so far, but we plan to go pretty actively every week. Honestly, its another thing I’m excited about. It was actually fun working out, especially knowing that the result will be rewarding. I’m feeling the soreness and it’s great. 

I was dating someone for eight months and was broken up with in January so I’ve been flying solo. It’s been not too bad. Work really keeps me occupied because I work full time and they’re eight hour shifts. And when I’m not at work, I’m more than likely hanging out with my coworkers or my friends. While dating is cool, I do think it’d be hard to date someone at this time because of my work schedule. I usually work nights and reserve my mornings for sleeping. BUT, I do have this huge crush on a “coworker.” I use quotation marks because he doesn’t work for Ghirardelli, he works for Disney. I affectionately call him Boudin Boy because sometimes I’ll see him across the Ghirardelli store on the Boudin side, sweeping and all that. In actuality, he doesn’t work for Boudin, he works for Pacific Wharf, which is the name of the land all the restaurants are located in, including Ghirardelli. So he’ll be in different parts of that area. I initiated a conversation for the first time last week, but I was basically asking him if another guy name Earl was working that day. Earl is this older guy that I like to say hi to sometimes or we’ll talk about Vietnamese stuff because his fiancee is Viet. Boudin Boy told me he’ll keep an eye out and let me know. Well, when I went on my lunch with my coworker, Boudin Boy just so happened to be on his lunch too. He cut us off and walked in front of us to the cafeteria. I got my food first and sat down at a table and he ended up sitting at a table behind us. After our lunch ended, he walked back first, but I guess he went to the bathroom because as my coworker and I turned, we ended up crossing paths with him. I waved at him since we made eye contact and then he initiated a conversation with me and even introduced himself. Since then, I’ve been trying to interact with him as much as possible, but obviously its hard because we don’t actually work together so I don’t know his schedule and I don’t want to make it obvious that I have a crush on him haha.

Despite saying I’m it’d be hard to date at the moment, I did cave in for like three days and tried the whole Tinder/Okcupid thing again. It’s been awhile since I’ve used them, but I found it boring and quickly deleted the apps. However, as my luck would have it, on OKC, I matched with a guy who actually listened to my radio show during the spring of 2017. Turns out he’s friends with one of the people at the radio station. Also turns out, he had been following me on instagram for awhile now. I remember seeing him follow me and that we had a mutual friend, but when I looked at his instagram, he mainly just had memes. Well, now we’re talking. But we’re not actively talking. Like I don’t think we’re actually pursuing each other, we’re just talking just to talk and entertain one another. At least, thats how I see it. But my friend from the station who knows the guy did tell me that this guy is pretty shy. I thought that was cute to be honest.

In regards to my car, it was in a hit and run accident shortly after I started working for Ghirardelli. Unluckily, my car was parked while I was working my shift when it got hit. Luckily though, I was able to get a hold of the person’s insurance and everything worked out. I currently only have 1.5k left to finish paying off the car.

As soon as the car is paid off, I’ll be saving my money to move out. I’m planning on either renting a room, renting a studio, or if my friend stays true to her word, find a place with her. I’m not sure yet, it’s still a long ways away. But I know it’ll be for the better if I move out and live on my own, away from my family for a bit. I’m hoping to have my own place sometime during the summer.

My mental health has been not so bad. I think it’s thanks to work distracting me. This update ended up being really long and I feel there’s more I want to say but I don’t want to drag it on any further. 

Til next time.  

[ratsntophats]

Personal

I doubt anyone will read this. I doubt anyone will care. But at this point, i need to get this out of my system. Im not looking for pity points. Im not looking for someone to give me anything at all. I just wish things were easier.

This year fucking blows. I know i know, i always try to be the optimist. Open minded, life is what you make it, yadda yadda. But honestly, there is a darkness in me too, and sometimes i just have to embrace the inevitable. I can't always be bright. I cant always feel hope. Right now i feel buried in the ground with no understanding or motivation to get back up.

Lets piece this one thing at a time.

January. January was pretty cool. I was in love with a girl and a boy, taboo I know. But i thought i was happy. I thought WE were happy. But i guess i was wrong. I was naive. I only saw what i wanted to, i guess? Anyway. In January we all went to Colorado on vacation. It was relaxing, it was fun. We eat, we got high, we saw new places. We even scouted out where we might want to move in a few years, a school we might want to attend. At the time I wasn't totally sole on this plan. Moving halfway across the country is a big deal. But no means did i think this event would bring about an end to my false happiness, the love i thought was reciprocated, from the girl i dumbly wanted to marry.

February comes around. The break up. Out of the blue i get a text. "We need to talk". I was at work when this happened. My heart sunk. Without any warning, or prior talks, i knew. I knew she had given up, somehow. I tried to convince myself that i was overreacting. Of course this wasnt what she wanted to talk about. But i retreated into the office, haunted by fear, anxiety, doubt, and confusion. I cried my eyes out. My voice came hoarse on the walkie system when my coworker tried to find me. He tried ro console me, but i couldn't explain. How could i tell him that i was dating her? She didn't want anyone to know. The entire relationship it killed me inside. I wanted the world to know that this beautiful girl was my girlfriend but she wanted to hide. She was ashamed of me, i guess. Of us. How could i explain that i thought my "roommate", who worked at the same company nonetheleas, was breaking up with me?

After a long, painful shift i returned home. We waited. She wasnt home. We waited. It wae last midnight when she returned to "talk". She explained that she had to talk to someone else first. Someone else she had just met and barely knew. She made us wait, in utmost confusion, until the middle of the night, for HER to explain what this"talk" was about.

"I think we should break up." I couldn't handle it. In one of my weakest moments, heartbroken, I ran outside the apartment sobbing, wandering the streets alone, in my PJs. I don't know how long i wae gone. Eventually we came back. More things werw discussed. I wasn't fully there, not for a while. Even after, i wasnt myself for some time. I don't know how i let it hurt me this bad. But i truly loved her. My dumb self loved her and watched her hook up with the random guy i was never supposed to worry about. It was over. She was never proud of me, of us. For all i know it could have meant nothing to her. And now here i am, almost a year later, still thinking of that beautiful girl.

The awkward month continued. I, luckily, started a new job which kept me busy. I was so excited to make a difference. I felt so proud of my first salaried job.

I was proud. Until, fast forward to months, shit hits the fan. On April Fools day of all days I get on the wrong end of a dispute with one of my clients and am shoved head first into a god damned TV stand. I have never seen so much blood in my life. I was rushed off to the ER, and found that i had broken multiple bones in my nose and cheek, plus a huge gash where i landed. I spend the night in the hospital. The next day, i am cleared to rest at home.

2 weeks of recovery go by slowly. I get a lot of messages of concern and well wishes. I return to work briefly, only allowed to do light office work. Then, i take a month long hiatus to recover from a surgery that fixes my mess of a face and protects against potential future damage with titanium plates. I am now a cyborg.

The next few months flew by, filled with stress and me trying to overcome my trauma, having to see the client that hurt me every day, having to walk into the room where i was hurt. I saw a therapist for the break up and post accident combo. I was a mess. I felt true fear for the first time. I didnt understand it and i didn't know who i was or who i had become. I felt ugly and unwanted. But i pushed myself to go to work, i pushed myself to face my fears. My work life improved so much that i no longer had a home life. I even went to work in my dreams.

Months went on like this, saying goodbye to old coworkers and hello to new ones. I strived to become better, but the job was eating me alive. I no longer felt that overwhelming fear i once had. Instead, i started to feel less and less. I wasn't myself. In fact, i hadn't been myself for quite some time. My passion for the job faded, though my love for my clients will always remain.

November. The kicker. I continued to search for jobs to free myself and make my life my own again. I had several mediocre interviews. None of them felt right. Then, i happened upon a job i truly wanted. A guidance counseling gig. My field. I spoke alone with the school principal and actually enjoyed an interview. Honestly, this was the best interview I've ever encountered. I left the school in such a good mood, excited for my future, buying my colleague donuts and coffee on my way back to the office. Though i had to work late that night, it was one night i didnt mind.

Two days later, i received a voicemail early in the morning. "I'd like to extend an offer of employment to you." I returned the call immediately after my shift, an excitedly accepted my first school counseling job! One that i had been fighting for for 5 years! Trying to be respectful, i spoke to my supervisor shortly after and gave my two weeks notice. I thought i was doing the right thing. I felt terrible for making things difficult on my colleagues, but i wasn't about to turn down this opportunity. This was my time to shine.

November 13th. I was supposed to start November 13th. The principal had informed me that i would hear back from the charter school HR in a few days, that they would be sending me over paperwork with salary information and so on. A few days passed. Nothing. I called the school, the principal was unavailable. I was told they would have him return my call. I gave them some more time. Nothing. I called again, but this time i was met with confusion. "Mr. P no longer works here." Completely baffled, i asked for more information and was told the new administrator would contact me as soon as possible. What had happened? What the heck was going on? I tried to stay optimistic and gave them more time. Still nothing. Eventually i was able to get a hold of the new principal who explained his hands were tied. He was fully aware of my situation and haf passed along my information to HR multiple times. I just had to wait for them.

I waited. And waited. Spoke to the original recruiter that contacted me about the job several times. He didnt know anything. His boss would contact me, he said. So i waited. Finally i received a vague email of some HR personnel asking for a good time to speak over the phone. I was able to clarify that this was one of the people I had been waiting for! We set up a time to talk and i anxiously waited for her to call me with my new salary and details on my start date.

She called, but not about that. This was an interview. A what? A interview. I had to continue to interview for the position i had thought i had already accepted. There was some weird ass miscommunication going on. But i went with it. Once the call was over, i just cried. I had been waiting and waiting for someone to give me more information, and now they had left me with even more questions?

Later that week, i think, my timeline is fuzzy, i received another phone call for ANOTHER interview. I had to interview once again for the job i thought was mine. I went, hoping for the best, but my stomach in knots. Once there, i was told to fill out an application. ARE YOU SERIOUS??? i filled out thw stupid paper and was eventually ushered into the woman's office for the worst interview of my life. I'm not kidding. I had the best and worst interviews in my life within one month FOR THE SAME FLIPPING JOB. The lady stonewalled me for over an hour. Seriously. Question after question after question. I lost myself. I couldn't answer so many of her specifics and the silence of my not knowung was killing me. I wanted to die. To top it all off, she asked me why i left my previous job. Are you serious? I was honest. I told her that i had accepted ths job from the principal and was due to start. No comment, no apologies for communication. She didn't even bat an eye.

And then it was over. I left and returned home, a wreck, on November 13th, the same day i was supposed to start working at my "dream job". Two days later i saw the job posted again on indeed. It still haunts me to this day. I never heard from the stonewall lady, or any of HR, again. Who knows where Mr. P went.

And here i am, nearly a month later, jobless, essentially a hermit, drinking a bottle of wine in the shower before crawling into bed and sobbing. Okay, it was like a 1/4 of a bottle. But still. I'm a mess.

Ironically? I was offered another job. Im going to fill out paperwork tomorrow. But i dont want it. I don't trust it. I actually didn't officially accept it but i think theyre trying to get me by all means possible. A marketing job. The people feel nice, but it feels sketchy. How sad that the idea of a new job makes me break down into tears. How do i know its mine? Do i even want it? What do i want? I dont know anymore.

This became far longer than expected. Perhaps I'm overdue. I wonder what the future holds for me.

[peaceofequality]

Over this past summer I worked as a camp counselor at a local community center. From 8:30 in the morning till 2:00 in the afternoon, I played games and interacted with children ages six to twelve. I was assigned to counsel and watch-over the younger children. Their high spirits and lively conversations always brightened my day. Making a child laugh or smile was one of the most rewarding feelings. But, I digress. This story that I am about to share is unfortunately true. My hope is that this story does not diminish or that its message become derailed. My hope is that this story becomes insightful and gives others a perspective on how to handle this certain situation.  

The younger children, ages five and six, were scheduled to play video games one afternoon. I was concentrated on setting up the darn Xbox kinect. The sensor was not functioning well and I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure those kids got to bust a move to the game Just Dance!. Luckily there was a teenage volunteer present in the room to keep the remaining children entertained. These volunteers would assist me in creating active games and would participate with the children. While I was busy fumbling around with the Xbox Kinect, the teen volunteer was coloring with some of the other campers. I just happened to over hear something this little girl exclaimed. 

“Black people want to die”

I immediately stopped what I was doing. The room instantly fell silent. I whirled around to the clump of children huddled around the coloring table. They gazed up at me with apologetic expressions, as if they all made that horrendous statement. I asked firmly who said that. No one replied. Finally, the teen volunteered informed me that it was Anna who said that. My eyes stared at Anna, watching a single tear trail down her cheek. I assumed that she was expecting me to explode with rage and force her to go into time out. I merely inhaled and exhaled deeply. Of course, I felt the urge to scold her in a loud and intimidating tone. I wanted to shout at her on how wrong that statement is and how she should know better. However, I wanted to know why she would proclaim such an awful statement. I instructed her to wait outside of the room as I asked the teen leader what had happened. She told me that Anna said that because they were talking about a fellow African-American camper. Thus that conversation sparked into the African-American community as a whole, leading Anna to say what she said. 

What is there to say after hearing something like that? I did not want to abandon this situation, nor did I want it be addressed by my boss just yet. I did intend on explaining to my supervisor the problem, but an ethical and curious part of me desperately wanted to know why she would even utter that. The other counselors and I rarely had any major problems with Anna. Sure, we would lecture her to not to run inside or to be quiet during silent reading, but I never would have expected something like that to come out of her mouth. I will admit, I incorporated race into making judgments. Anna was Hispanic which made the situation all the more perplexing. I, and quite possibly a majority of others, would automatically assume a white male or female would blurt out that sentence. So, it was slightly odd to find the Anna was the culprit to the despicable sentence. I crouched down to her level and looked straight into her eyes. 

I let a few moments of silence pass between us before I asked why she would say something like that. I kept my tone firm yet calm. Her lower lip trembled as she told me that her mom said that to her. As if I wasn’t perturbed enough, I knew I had to conceal my anger. I knew I had to choose and decipher my words carefully if I was going to expose her to her wrongful actions.

I told her that regardless on where she heard it from, that is was not okay to ever say something like that. She solemnly nodded her head, but I continued by saying that words like that can hurt your friend’s feelings. I asked her how she would think Jereimiah (an Arican-American camper) or Ms. Cheryll (a counselor) would feel if they heard you say that. Thankfully they were not present when she proclaimed it. I still counldn’t have imagined what would have happened if they were in the room and heard it. I calmly told her the immense impact of her sentence. I told her that nobody wants to die. Absolutely nobody. Regardless of race or gender, nobody wants to die.I calmly explained to her that we are all people who want to live, enjoy life, and have fun. Skin color does not define who you are. The words you choose to say might have dire consequences.  I also warned her that if I ever hear something like that again, then she will be directed to my supervisor. She quietly peeped “okay” and proceeded to join the campers in the game room.

At the end of my shift, I told my boss what had transpired and she told me that I handled the situation maturely. I left wondering if my boss would inform Anna’s mom about the statement she made in the game room, or if Anna would even get punished for saying such a vile thing. I have never heard another hateful or rude comment from her since.

Children, no matter what age, are so impressionable. They admire us more than we tend to believe. They look to us on how to adapt in this society and in this world. Spewing out hateful jeers and messages is not a way to teach our children about the world. I understand how feelings might compel us to say certain things, but do right by discontinuing the hate and spreading the love. There is nothing worse than a child growing up and confiding in the hate that is surrounding them. People say that a change must occur. Let’s start by making a difference with this next generation. I will be damned if I allow this sort of hate to continue into the next generation 

[fuck-customers]

This is a fuck managers, or a fuck a certain area manager. 

My area manager is a bitter rich kid who used to work for head office in a swanky yet pointless role that no longer exists, because it's pointless. Therefore, they gave him a new position of area manager. The area's merchandiser had a similar thing happen to him but luckily he's pretty laid back and nice and friendly and not bitter about the whole thing.

Okay, basically, my manager is in shit at work because he fucked up big time - it's a long story but the final straw was that he pretty much kept leaving early, making keyholders close up. It's not the biggest problem ever - but it's pretty shitty because he wasn't doing his contracted hours, he had no reason to leave and he's been kinda slacking it a lot recently, too. 

I think everyone at my work is pretty disappointed in him because he's a pretty good manager - everyone apart from management and the head keyholder is part time, and most of us study and he tries to make our hours work, he gives us preference of what section of the store we want to be on, he's always giving us opportunities to develop. There's been rumours flying about that things aren't good at home with his family, which I suppose kinda sucks BUT he's being an ass. And it needs to stop. However, he's been suspended, which I think is quite harsh considering but hopefully it means he can get his ass in gear once he's back. 

This means my *lovely* area manager has been visiting a lot more recently. The area is pretty huge but *luckily* he is only a town over. He's a huge, arrogant dickhead and I actually can't stand him. 

First of all, he came in two Saturday's ago (25/03) - the day my boss was suspended. Basically, they spent quite a long time in the back office together and then my manager left midday - although he was closing. This meant my area manager stayed, he called us all over to the cash desk and said, "X had to go home. So, I'm covering."

He then ripped up the days rota and began rewriting it - assigning us all really anal tasks that really didn't need to be done on a busy weekend.

He flipped at me when he seen me log onto the managers area of the cash desk that opens up discounts and also sale reports. My manager trusts a few of us to do, and because it allows for quicker service as opposed to calling over managers 24/7. I was about to note the past hours sales so I could quickly restock (as the other way we restock is quite time consuming) but he just flipped and told me although it was fine for me to to access it, I not to do it without his or any other managers permission ever again. I literally felt like I was in high school, and because I was so annoyed made a big effort of asking every single young person who I put through on the cash desk if they had a student card so I could call him over and ask if I could put through student discount.

Eventually, I got some justice as he said I could put through this discount without asking him as he was "too busy to come over every five minutes."

He was next in with me on the Monday after, covering my managers shift again, however, I was only doing a lunch cover shift and was in the storeroom. He literally didn't speak to me (or really anyone else in) at all apart from the assistant manager. There was a point when one of the assistants left a pile of untagged t shirts on the shelf beside the cash desk as she tagged other ones, that really pissed him off and he called up all over to inform us of how dangerous it was to do this. 

He was in a couple of other days covering until the rota got sorted but luckily not with me until the Saturday. Long story short, he yelled to the merchandising manager about how terrible the store looked, made a list of what needed to be change by Monday (sidenote: IT WAS A VERY BUSY WEEKEND - IT WAS PAY WEEKEND). 

Through his week of covering I heard he ignored a few of my coworkers when they tried to speak to him, got very pissed at one who asked for a week off in a couple of months time as she is required to go on a weeks placement for her course so that she can pass and made one come in although she was very ill and tried to phone in sick. 

He's also completely nasty to my favourite manager, the sweetest of supervisors ever. She thinks its because she told him she didn't really want to stay in retail for long as she's hoping to go full time with her hairdressing business when he did her performance review with her. Apparently he makes her text him when she's scheduling and actively watched her make a rota when he was in with her during this week. She's been in this job for YEARS - I don't get his problem.

I wasn't in with him again until yesterday (06/04) when he was in for a "check up" and to also give us some Easter Eggs (that was pretty fun but very childish and condescending -  HID AROUND THE STORE AND MADE US FIND BY GIVING US TERRIBLE CLUES). As he had been in a lot recently, I would have thought he would have spoke to the staff more (as opposed to the egg hunt, he has only spoke to me about doing tasks) - yet he ignored me when I tried to instigate conversation and when he took a lunch break avoided the staffroom. When I was on my lunch break, he came into the staffroom to text and actively got annoyed at me for eating a burger from Five Guys because I "reeked of it" and because of how bad it is for me blah blah blah... he then walked away. Thursdays are pretty quite for us until later on at night as we're open later so less people are scheduled until later on usually when they do a 4-5 hour closing shift with a manager or keyholder. Me and one of my supervisors were on the long close shift so there was a point when those who opened left and it was just us two, and someone doing an afternoon cover shift until the rest of the guys came in. He was LIVID by this scheduling which we've done ever since I started because we're supposed to have someone in every area AND someone in the storeroom (however, this is a very quite 2-3 hours) and instead of y'no covering an area or doing stuff in the back actually changed every rota that had this couple of hours with only 3 staff members in so that there was 5 people in... he didn't check if it was cool with anyone (as I said, we're all mostly students, so some could obviously not work unless they were off) and just changed it. When he came back onto the shopfloor he was annoyed at myself and my supervisor for talking at the front of the store because nobody was at the back covering the fitting rooms (which were deserted, as with the store in general as we could see the back from the cctv at the front of the store).

So in conclusion or TLDR; area manager is basically a fuck who is too by-the-book and impractical. Isn't approachable to staff and just yells about everything. WHEN CAN MY BOSS COME BACK?!

[sweettanlittlethang]

Code blue

I had my first code blue. Not my first I've ever been in; my first where it was MY patient. I saw it coming. I thought I had fully prepared for it, but I don't think you could ever fully prepare for someone's life to be in your hands. "We did everything we could," I told the family. But felt like there was more I could of done.. for my patient... for the family. It was November 11, 2016. She was a 95 year old lady.. I could still tell you her full name, but that would break HIPAA.. so let's call her Sarah. I started off my shift and got report on my five patients. During report in Sarah's room, I was told she was a brand new ICU transfer and all she needed was to have a bowel movement and then possibly go home. I was also told that family was VERY adamant that she be a full code. Which doesn't make sense at 95. I got my life together and wrote down all the meds I needed to pass and picked which patient I would see first. I saw Sarah third. I got to her room around 2115. Her daughter was in there, seemed nice and helped convince Sarah to take her nighttime meds to feel better. I mixed her miralax in cranberry juice because they said it was her favorite. Sarah wasn't very verbal, could tell me her name and birthday, but just nods for all other questions. I was in her room about 20 minutes begging her to take her miralax, as her belly pain was coming from being backed up. She drank about 90% of it and i said that was enough for me. I finished up my med pass and sat down for a second before going back around to see if anyone needed anything before bed. sure enough, as soon as I sat down, here comes Sarah's mom to say she needed help with her. I walk in and my LPN was already in there smiling, saying "it looks like she had a bowel movement!" Being a nurse, I grinned from ear to ear because that means Sarah's stomach had to feel so much better. We got her cleaned up and comfortable. The daughter told me she was going home and I said I would call her with any changes... little did I know I would be wishing I didn't say that. Fast forward to 0100. Vitals time. LPN comes to find me and says Sarah looks like she's moaning in pain and her respirations were in the high 20s. I grabbed her pain pill and some applesauce and headed in. She was alert enough to know I was there, but did seem to be in a great deal of pain. I listened to her belly and felt it.. still felt a little distended.. hmm let's see if this will help her pain. Went in to reassess and Sarah was now sleeping comfortably. Fast forward to 0430. Vitals time again, LPN calls me in there to say her respirations are now in the 40s and BP was in the 90s. I come in and she looks a lot more distressed this time. I call my charge nurse and RT. My charge nurse calls the ad rep to come in. RT had been familiar with her since she had been in the ICU for so long. They tried to get an ABG.. pulse was too weak and thready. Patient was barely arousable and LOC was declined. I immediately called the MD, he wasn't her normal MD, Just the one on call. He was hesitant to send her back to ICU.. as the ICU was full. I finally got an order around 0515. ICU had to decide which patient was going to come out of ICU in order for Sarah to go back in. So we had to wait for a patient to come and a room to be cleaned. It was like waiting on a bomb to go off. I wait in the room with Sarah. Luckily, she was on telemetry so I call down to see what her rhythm is. They say she's fine, I told them to please call me with any changes as I am staying with patient now. Myself and the LPN are in the room. I feel for a pulse.. I can't find one. I listen for a heartbeat... it's very faint and probably in the 30s at this point. Sarah was breathing only about 6-8 a minute now, like she was giving up... but she was a full code. The RN that trained me came into the room and said that was doing great. I lower the patient to flat for compressions. My heart is racing and I was sweating through my gloves. Someone was wheeling in the code cart... telemetry called the nurse station (NOT ME) and said she was in vfib. Charge nurse ran in and I was already on top of the patient doing compressions. I yelled "call a code" and kept going. The first push I felt about 6 ribs break, the second push.. well the rest of them broke. She was so fragile and deserved to go without all this trauma. It was a blur what happened after that. I was doing compressions for what felt like an eternity before the code team showed up. I had multiple people offer to take over, but this was my patient... I couldn't lose her.. the code team got there and we were shoved aside. The doctor asked me a basic overview of why she was here and the code team was shocked that we were coding a 95 year old. They were joking about it during the code. The code started at 0610 and ended at 0625. It was a fast one because her age. I left the room and went to the break room to cry while my charge nurse called the son, who was the POA. He wanted to talk to me, so i sucked back my tears and talked to him. He needed someone to blame and it was me. His first question was "Well did you do compressions!? She was a full code ya know!" He came to the hospital in a rage and yelling in the halls and immediately asking for the supervisor. She asked me to call Sarah's regular doctor so he could know. The MD said he would come in to talk to them family since he knows them well. One by one, family members starting coming in.. I was choking back tears the rest of my shift. But I had four other patients to care for... so the night must go on...