#made this guy in 15-20 minutes too. wtf

[gilfrespecter]

Having an oc that writes themself for you is fucking insane

[justagalwhowrites]

So this may be awkward but I saw your dbf fic and thought what about best friend's dad? Obviously it would either have to be a no outbreak au where Sarah is in her 20s or several years after the show when Ellie is an adult. Maybe the oc is a few years older than Ellie or Sarah or whichever you choose. Maybe I just haven't read enough TLOU smut but this is one I haven't seen and I would love to read something like this!

OMG Hi bestie!

So THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT WITH THIS??? You sent this in FOREVER ago but I've been so hung up on Lavender and Beskar Doll I just didn't get around to this.

Anyway, HERE'S THE ASK FINALLY! I hope you like it!

UPDATE A/N: This is now a full series (has been for a while but I just realized I never linked to the master list from here.) If you'd like to read more, you can find it here.

New in Town

When you move to Austin for work, your best friend Sarah recommends that you hang out with her dad, Joel, to get to know the area. Sarah just never mentioned the fact that her dad is just your type.

Pairing: BFD!Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: SMUT! Fingering, oral (male receiving), protected P in V sex. Legal age gap (Reader is 35 Joel is 47.) No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only

Length: 5.6k (wtf is my problem)

You should have made Sarah text you a picture at the very least. 

The bar was starting to get busy and you’d realized about 15 minutes earlier that you had no fucking clue what your best friend’s dad looked like. 

“You’re sure it’s not weird that I hang out with your dad?” You asked Sarah the morning you left town. 

“It’s not weird,” she waved you off, her curls bouncing. “Promise. He’s not like… an old dad. He’s fun. You get along with me so you’ll get along with him. It’s at least something so you’re not stuck in Austin not knowing anybody.” 

“Yeah,” you nodded and then sighed, looking at your coffee. One last cup of the good stuff in Seattle before your flight in a few hours. 

There was a knot in your stomach at the thought of leaving, now that it was actually here. You’d been in Seattle for two years now after moving here for work. Sarah was the only other woman in your department - not to mention the only other person under 40. She might have been 10 years younger than you but the two of you had become fast friends. She’d been there for a year - she’d started fresh out of college - when you came aboard and was kind enough to let you in on the office politics. 

“So fucking glad to have another girl around here,” she said after you’d been there about two weeks, her arm looped through yours as you walked to a restaurant down the street from your office for lunch. “Lunch just isn’t as good with old dudes…” 

Making friends outside of the office was just as awkward as you remembered and it wasn’t long before you and Sarah were hanging out all the time outside of work, too. She was probably going to be the thing you missed most about Seattle. 

But the promise of a big promotion - setting up your own team at the new branch of your firm in Austin - was too good to pass up. 

“Hey,” she put her hand on your wrist from across the small table. “You’re going to kill it down there. Just remember to demand me when the time comes to add a junior copywriter.” 

“Well, simply no one else will do,” you smiled a little. She laughed. 

You finished your coffee and Sarah dropped you off at the airport - your office paying to ship all your things down - and you flew off to your new life in Texas. 

After a week of settling in, you finally caved and reached out to Sarah’s dad. She told you to just text him and you kind of hoped he wouldn’t respond. Once the ball was in his court, you’d be off the hook. If he never responded and you never met the guy, Sarah could hardly hold it against you. 

“Hi! Is this Joel Miller?” You texted originally, following it up with your name and - just in case Sarah hadn’t bothered to tell him you were going to be texting - some indication that you weren’t a total stranger. “I just moved to town and Sarah told me to text you.” 

“There,” you said to yourself, taking a sip of wine as you sat back on your couch. “Done. Not my problem any….” 

Your phone lit up on your coffee table and you groaned. Of course he texted back. Of course he texted back fucking immediately. 

“Hi,” he said. “Sarah mentioned you might text. Said you might need someone to show you around town. Want to grab a drink later this week?” 

You rapped your fingers against the globe of your glass, the wine lush and red. 

“Sure,” you said. “I don’t start work until next week, so just let me know when and where works for you and I’ll be there!” 

You made plans to meet up two days later. You’d showed up a few minutes early, wanting to get the lay of the land before you met a stranger in a bar. 

Joel, it seemed, was a bit late. You kept looking up at the door, waiting to see someone who looked something like Sarah walk in. But so far, there wasn’t anyone who fit the bill. A few guys who looked like they were UT students deciding to check out something further from campus, four guys who who definitely had just gotten off motorcycles, one man who was almost stupid hot and looked about 10 years too young to be Sarah’s dad and a guy about your age with a date. 

You glanced at your phone. 9:13. At what point did you call it? Maybe try to pick up the hot guy who seemed to be hovering on his own at the bar. You hadn’t gotten laid in a while and you’d at least done your hair and makeup, even if you hadn’t tried to look like you were looking for a hookup. 

Your phone screen hadn’t fully dimmed yet when it lit up bright, vibrating with Joel’s name on the caller ID. You sighed and answered. 

“Hello?” You pressed your free hand against your ear, trying to drown out the sound of the bar behind you, but it sounded noisy on his end, too. 

“Hi,” he said, a bit of a Texas twang in his voice. “Just wanted to make sure you were still plannin’ on comin’ out tonight…” 

“Yeah,” you laughed a little. “I was wondering the same about you, I’m here…” 

“Where?” He said. “Don’t see you…” 

You started looking around then, too, looking at every face at every table around you before you settled on… the stupid hot guy at the bar. 

Who looked too young to have a kid Sarah’s age. 

Who had a phone pressed to his ear. 

Who was now staring at you. 

You raised a hand and smiled awkwardly, giving him a small wave. 

He looked surprised for a moment before hanging up his phone, grabbing his beer from the bar, and heading for your table. 

“I’m so sorry,” he said, setting his drink down across from you and taking his seat. “I didn’t mean to keep you waitin’, I was just expecting someone Sarah’s age…” His eyes went wide for a second. “Not that you look old or anythin’, just… Not what I was expecting.” 

“Yeah, Sarah was the baby of the Seattle office,” you smiled a little. “She’s the best though. Thank God for her, I’d have been so bored there without her.” 

“Yeah,” he smiled and nodded. “She is the best.” 

Up close, Joel was still stupid hot. Uncomfortably hot. It was not fair how hot he was for him to be off limits because he was your best friend’s dad. His hair was dark and a little shaggy and you had to fight the urge to brush an unruly curl back from his brow. His eyes were the warmest brown with a light to them that made you want to just stare at him for a while. His crooked smile with one dimple, his slightly patchy beard, his unreasonably sculpted arms for a man who had to have at least a decade on you unless he was a teenager when Sarah was born. If you hadn’t met him this way, you’d be trying to get him home for at least a one night stand. But he was your best friend’s dad. Even if he made your core tighten and heat pool around your hips. 

It turned out, you and Joel had more in common than you’d expected. You liked the same music and he knew some good live music spots in town. You were both into hiking - and both agreed that the views in this part of the country would be kind of lacking compared to the Pacific Northwest. You both liked trying to find the spiciest food in town and eating it as a matter of principle. 

Of course, you hadn’t spent much time with men the age you THOUGHT Joel was going to be. Your only experience with men in their 50s was at work and that usually involved showing them how to save a word document as a PDF. You’d gone into this expecting to sit awkwardly with the guy for about an hour before going your separate ways. But you were pretty sure he was in his mid 40s, the same age as a lot of the guys you’d gone out with back in Seattle, and the more drinks you had the harder it was to remember that you weren’t on a date. You were hanging out with your best friend’s dad. She probably had to beg him to meet up with you, he probably had a girlfriend he’d much rather be spending time with on a Friday night instead of his daughter’s friend who was new in town. 

But he seemed happy enough to stay for hours. The two of you were laughing over a particularly bad movie you’d somehow both seen - Giant Spider Invasion - when the bar announced last call. 

“Shit,” Joel looked at his watch, clamping his hand over it after a second. “Didn’t realize how late it got. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take up your whole damn night…” 

“No, I’m sorry,” you waved him off, reaching for your phone for the first time in hours to try and order an Uber. “I’m sure you’ve got better things to do than entertain me.” 

“Not exactly,” he half smiled at you. That fucking dimple. “Don’t really got a thirvin’ social life. I get the feeling this arrangement was as much for me as it was you, knowin’ Sarah.” 

“She’s cunning, that one,” you said, putting in your destination address. You groaned. “Shit!”

“What?” Joel asked. 

“Surge pricing,” you sighed. “Come ON, it’s almost 2 a.m., it can’t be that busy…” 

“It’s homecomin’ weekend at the school,” he shrugged. “Everyone’s in town drinking.” 

“That’ll do it,” you sighed, bracing yourself to spend almost $100 on a car ride home. 

“I can give you a ride,” he said. You looked up from your phone, frowning. “I’m good to drive.”

“I don’t want to put you out,” you said, about to push the button anyway. 

“You’re not,” he said. “Trust me.” 

*** 

Joel was very nearly in over his head with you. 

Every part of him was practically screaming “mistake, mistake, mistake, you are a big fucking mistake!” 

You were Sarah’s best friend. 

You were more than a decade younger than him. 

You were starting a new job and a new life and he really shouldn’t be trying to date someone he’d just hold back. 

YOU WERE SARAH’S BEST FRIEND. 

But none of that seemed to matter. He was damn near ready to kiss whatever asshole at Uber came up with surge pricing. He’d never been happier for an excuse to give someone a ride home. 

It had been years - at least - since he’d felt like this about anyone. He’d known you for hours, no time at all, but it felt like years. Like he could say anything to you and you’d understand it. You were obviously smart, so fucking smart. After talking about movies with you for five minutes he was half convinced you saw an entirely different movie than he had, talking about allegories and symbolism and holding onto little lines he wasn’t sure anyone else would notice or think about twice. He wanted to see if you’d let him get to know you that way, if you’d have any interest in trying to know him that way. Fuck, he wanted to know you.

It didn’t help that he’d spotted you the second he was in the bar, absently turning your glass in your fingers, looking at one of the University of Texas themed Bud Light posters on the wall like you were examining it, your eyebrows drawn together, your mind clearly somewhere else entirely. You were fucking gorgeous. Gorgeous in a way that it was a problem, it was distracting, it made him not want to think about or look at or consider anything else. It took conscious effort to not stare at you. When he hadn’t known who you were, he’d been praying Sarah’s friend would stand him up so he could go talk to you. Fuck, he wanted to talk to you. 

And then you answered the phone. 

And you were Sarah’s best friend. 

Fuck.

“You settlin’ in OK and all?” He asked after you gave him your address and he programmed it into Google Maps. 

“Mostly,” you nodded. “It’d be better if I could actually get a maintenance guy to come out to my place but…” 

Joel frowned. 

“What’s goin’ on?” 

“The garbage disposal has a hell of a leak,” you sighed. “I don’t know shit about plumbing so I’m afraid to try to fix it on my own. And the ceiling fan in my bedroom seems like it’s trying break out from its drywall prison whenever I turn it on so that’s been pretty useless. Maintenance keeps saying they’ll come by but they never do. I don’t think I’ll stay in that place longer than a year, this is what I get for apartment hunting from across the country.” 

“I could look at it for you,” Joel shrugged before he was smart enough to stop himself. 

“No,” you laughed and shook your head. “You’ve done enough for me as it is, I cannot ask you…” 

“You didn’t ask, I offered,” he said. “I’m a contractor, my area of expertise is fixin’ shit shoddy builders fucked up. You have plans tomorrow? I can come by, take a look.” 

Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. That’s what he was. Fucking stupid. 

“Tomorrow would be great, actually,” you said. “I’m just about unpacked but I have a whole box of under the sink kitchen stuff that’s still sitting on my table and driving me insane. But you’re sure I’m not putting you out? I swear, it’s nothing that urgent, I just need to light a fire under management’s ass…” 

“Not puttin’ me out,” he smiled a little at the idea of that. Fuck, you were doing him a favor, giving him an excuse to see you again. 

Stupid. 

Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid STUPID. 

SARAH’S. BEST. FRIEND. 

“Early afternoon OK?” He asked. “Unless you gotta be somewhere…” 

“Yeah, so far my vibrant social life here includes you and the barista down the street who now knows I prefer my lattes skim,” you laughed. “I’ll be around, come over whenever works for you. I hugely appreciate it, you have no idea.” 

He watched you go into your apartment when he dropped you off, a townhouse that had definitely been built in the last five years. He sighed and shook his head. Shoddy fucking craftsmanship, things breaking that fast. He’d help you find a decent place when your lease was up. 

As a friend. 

Because he could be friends with you. That would be fine. Encouraged by his meddling but well-meaning daughter who’d arranged this to begin with. Friends help friends apartment hunt. He could be your friend. 

He fucked his hand before he passed out, trying to think of anything besides grabbing you and kissing you at the bar as he did. 

“Hey Dad! How’d it go last night?” 

His eyes were still bleary as he read the text from his daughter the next morning. 

“Hey Baby Girl,” he wrote back, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. How was it already 10 a.m.? How was Sarah a morning person? She sure as shit didn’t get that from him. “Went fine. Your friend seems nice.” 

She wrote back immediately. 

“She’s the BEST. Seriously. Give her like 5 minutes and she’s going to show you the best food in town, she always found the coolest restaurants up here, places no one else from the office even knew existed.” 

Joel smiled a little at that. He’d heard a lot about you over the last few years, now that he thought about it. He wasn’t big on social media so he only ever saw pictures Sarah texted him - usually a selfie in front of some tourist attraction as she stuck her tongue out at him - so he’d never had a face to put to the stories. But you’d become an integral part of her life in Seattle. 

You’d started as a “cool new coworker.” Then you got a name. And then you just became a “we.” “We went to this awesome new restaurant.” “We checked out this concert last night.” “We decided to go up the Space Needle because screw it, why not be a tourist in your own city sometimes?” He never needed to ask who she meant, he knew she was talking about you. 

He just hadn’t known it was you. 

Which was another reason this was stupid. He could not even consider doing something with you, even just in his head, not when you were that close with his daughter. 

“You guys going to hang out again?” She asked. “I think you’d be friends!” 

Joel ground his teeth for a second. 

“Don’t need you to find me friends just because Uncle Tommy got married.” 

Sarah replied right away. 

“Well if you did it yourself maybe I wouldn’t,” she said. “And she needs friends, too. Plus this is really all for my benefit, if she can swing me coming to the new Austin office and y’all are friends, we can all just hang out together. Way easier to coordinate my schedule.” 

Joel laughed a little. 

“Going to help her with something at her apartment today,” he sent back. “We’ll see if she wants me around after that.” 

Joel managed to keep from going to your house the second he was dressed. This wasn’t a problem he’d had since he was a fucking teenager, obsessed with some girl from his bio class. He was looking at his watch every five minutes, hoping it was reasonable to leave his house and go to yours. 

He called it at 11:45. He figured he’d bring you lunch. You said you liked spicy food - the spicier the better - and if your garbage disposal was leaking, chances are you couldn’t cook much. You’d need to eat something. It was the polite thing to do, he reasoned. 

Joel went to his favorite taco truck and got a little bit of almost everything. It was way too much food for two people but fuck it, he didn’t care. As long as it was something you’d like, he really didn’t give a shit. 

You were in some kind of matching not quite sweatsuit when you opened the door, the tan fabric looking so fucking soft. 

“Hey!” You smiled broadly, like him coming over made your day. You looked at your phone screen. “Damn you really mean early afternoon don’t you?” 

He glanced at his watch. 12:23. 

“Figured you could use some lunch,” he held up the takeout bag. “Didn’t think you were able to cook much, disposal outta commission…” 

“Are you really bringing me food when you came over to do me a favor?” You asked, brows raised. He shrugged. “They weren’t kidding about that whole southern gentleman thing, were they?” 

“Gotta give you pretty things some reason to put up with us,” he smiled a little. You smiled back and held the door open for him. 

Your place was sparsely decorated but comfortable and it looked like you were just about unpacked. Joel set the bag of tacos on the small table off your kitchen and you staked your claim to the spiciest one. 

“If it’s too hot for you, no shame in tappin’ out,” he teased, unwrapping his own taco. 

“I eat men with low spice tolerance for breakfast,” you waved him off. “This’ll be cake.” 

You took a bite and chewed for a second before your eyes went wide. Joel tried not to laugh at you. 

“Holy shit,” you held a hand in front of your full mouth as you spoke, your eyes watering. “That’s so hot! How the fuck…” 

“Yeah, you northerners don’t know what you’re dealin’ with,” Joel smirked. “Welcome to the big leagues.” 

“Oh, it’s on now, Miller,” you said, wincing a little. “I’ve got this, you have no idea…” 

He laughed but you finished the taco, eyes watering and face sweating, the whole way. 

“Alright, think you’ve earned some handyman work,” he smiled a little. You chugged water, somehow managing to look good as you did. “Kitchen sink right?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Run the water for longer than 30 seconds and it leaks like crazy…” 

He did as you said, opening the cabinet below. You had a pot inside to catch any stray water. He turned the faucet on and after less than a minute, water was gushing out from the pipe leading down to the disposal. He shut it off. 

“Good news is, it ain’t the disposal itself,” he said, putting his tools down beside the cabinet. “Looks like they just replaced it and did a shit job setting it up…” 

He got down on the ground, lying down so his upper body was in the cabinet just as you came and perched on the counter nearby, watching him closely. 

“Let me know what I can do to help,” you said. “I feel bad, you coming over, bringing me food, fixing my shit…” 

“Don’t,” he said, frowning up at the plumbing. “Got me outta my house… can you hand me the wrench that’s in the lower part of the tool kit, the adjustable one?” 

He heard you slide off the counter to the floor and rifle through his tools before handing him the wrench, your fingertips brushing his when you did. His heart sped up. Fuck this was stupid. 

You settled in on the floor near him, near enough that he’d feel your leg brush his when he adjusted while he worked. You asked him about his favorite band and he asked you about yours. About favorite foods. About the one place on Earth you’d go if money and time were no object. 

“Alright, think I’ve got it,” he said. “Do me a favor, turn the water on…” 

“You sure?” You asked, a frown in your voice. “Don’t you want to sit up first?” 

“I’m confident,” he smiled a little. 

“Alright, turning it on now.” 

And his confidence was correct. 

For a minute. 

And then it was like the floodgates opened and Joel was suddenly soaked. 

“Cut it!” 

You scrambled to obey as he got out from under the sink, dripping wet, shirt soaked. 

“Shit,” he looked down at himself. 

“I am so sorry!” Your hands were over your mouth, eyes wide. “One minute, let me grab you a towel…” 

You ran down the hall and came back with a small pile of towels handing them to him one by one. He started with himself and then put towels down below the sink. 

“I’m so sorry, Joel,” your eyes were so wide and earnest. 

“Not your fault,” he said, getting up, feeling like more than a bit of an idiot. “Your maintenance people just fucked something up big time…” 

“I have a washer and dryer,” you said quickly. “Let me wash that for you…” 

“Thanks,” he said and he peeled off the wet shirt and handed it to you. “Appreciate it…” 

He was so busy trying not to look at you that he hadn’t realized that you were staring at him, looking up him slowly, your lower lip in your teeth. Like you were interested in him, too. Like you were trying to keep your hands to yourself, too. 

Your eyes met his. This was stupid, this was very very stupid. You were standing close to him, so fucking close to him. 

“Joel,” you breathed. 

He was kissing you before he could talk himself out of it. 

*** 

You weren’t sure if he kissed you or you kissed him but you didn’t really care because fuck, he was touching you. Your arms went around his neck and his hands went to your hips, pulling your body flush against his as he all but devoured you. 

Like he’d done nothing but think of this since the night before, too. 

You were up for an hour after you got home, cursing your best friend for having such a hot dad and trying to not think about what would have happened if you’d dragged him into your apartment when he dropped you off as you ran your vibrator over your needy clit. 

Because how could you face Sarah if you’d fucked yourself to the thought of her dad? 

But you weren’t worrying about that now. 

Instead, you were leading Joel blindly through your apartment, to your bedroom. Your fingers tangled in his hair - wet from the explosive leak in your sink - as you kissed him. You pulled him against you as you sat back on your bed, crawling back toward the middle of it and tugging him along with you so he was hovering over you. 

“You sure…” he began but you nodded so fast that he didn’t even finish asking, just smiling for a second before kissing you again. 

His tongue was insistent inside your mouth, like he was trying to reach every part of you, but you liked it. The hot, aching need gathering in you liked it, liked that he was demanding and hungry for you to the point that, when his tongue slid back behind his own teeth it’s because he wanted to bite your lip with a growl. 

You squirmed out of the soft wrap that was covering your arms and he pulled at your tank top, peeling it away from you and leaving you in just your lacy bralette you liked to wear before you really got dressed for the day. His hand cupped your breast, palm brushing your firm nipple, and you moaned. Joel slipped his hand into the lace and touched the bare skin below and you involuntarily thrust your hips up toward him. He smiled against your mouth at that. 

“So eager,” he said, teasing. 

“We both have way too much on,” you panted against him. 

“Let me help you with that,” he slid his fingers below the band of the bralette and tugged it up and over your head, leaving you naked from the waist up. “Jesus Christ…” 

“What?” You asked, breathless. 

“And I thought you were gorgeous before,” his eyes went over you slowly, tracing the edges of you. “Fucking hell…” 

You smiled and arched into kissing him again, fumbling with the button and zipper on his jeans as you did. When you got his pants open, you slipped your hand inside his underwear, finding his thick, hard cock and stroking him. It was gentle at first, getting a feel for him and fuck he was hard as steel below your touch. He was also easily the biggest cock you’d ever held, so thick and long you knew you were going to be feeling him for hours after you were done. 

Not that you minded. You wanted nothing more than to walk around with a reminder of him inside you for a while. 

Joel’s hands ran over you until he reached your pants and underwear. He pulled them off together, pausing just before your panties would be so far down that they would expose your dripping, aching slit. He pulled his lips from you. 

“This really what you want?” He asked quietly, his eyes searching yours. 

“I’ve been wanting this since last night,” you smiled a little at him. 

“Fuck, I was hopin’ you’d say that.” 

He pulled what remained of your clothes off and cast it aside, nudging you down so you were flat on the bed. He ran his finger over your slit, dipping into you just enough to make your entrance try to grip him but not enough that it gave your body something to hold. You moaned. 

“Don’t worry, beautiful,” he pressed his finger against your clit, rubbing in circles, making you moan. “Gonna take real good care of you…” 

He trailed his finger back down and sank it into you as his thumb pressed against your clit, making your body go tight around him. You rocked your hips against him and arched your back and you heard the smile in his voice as your hands flew to your comforter, knotting in the fabric there. 

“There you go,” he said softly, kissing over your jaw to your throat, nipping and sucking you as he went. “Fuck you’re tight, need you to relax and come for me so I can get inside you…” 

He added another finger, hooking them up into you, pressing into your inner walls and making you get tense and tight before you came hard around him, pussy throbbing so hard it almost hurt. 

“You’re gonna feel so goddamn good,” he groaned as he slid his fingers from you. He hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his underwear and pulled them down with his jeans before he stroked himself, his fingers still slick with you as he did. 

“One sec,” you managed to find your voice and you stretched back to reach into your nightstand and grabbed a box of condoms. You needed to open it and pull one foil packet apart from the rest. “Sorry, haven’t needed one of these in a bit…” 

“Won’t hear me arguin’,” he half smiled at you. Fuck, that fucking dimple. You opened the condom and slid it on his tip, watching his chest heave as you did. You looked up at him through your eyelashes as you took his covered tip in your mouth, wrapping your lips around him and using them to unroll the condom the rest of the way onto his thick, hard length. “Fuck, beautiful, tryin’ to rush me through this?” 

You just sucked him for a moment, his head lodged at the back of your throat as you started to work his shaft with your mouth. His hand flew to your head, fingers twisting in your hair, as you went. He moaned as your tongue pressed against the underside of him before curling around his shaft. His grip on your hair tightened and you picked up the pace, all but choking yourself on his cock, not able to help yourself, until he pulled you back off him sharply, abruptly. 

“Really don’t want things to be over that fast,” he panted, tilting his head back toward the ceiling for a moment. “Fucking hell you’re good at that…” 

You smirked a little and he pushed you back down onto the bed before lining his cock up with your entrance. He paused and you moaned, rocking your hips against him, your whole body feeling like a spring that was coiled a bit too tight. His hands splayed wide over your thighs for a moment before sliding over your stomach, your breasts, back down again. 

“Still want this?” He asked, voice needy. 

“Want you,” you panted, nodding. “Need you, need you inside me…” 

“Good,” he said, his large hands spread on your thighs, holding you open for him, watching where he was entering you as his cock split you open. He moaned, panting for breath. “Fuck, gonna be addicted to you, just fuckin’ know it…” 

You pressed your hips up into him as he filled you totally, collapsing onto you as his hips met yours. He stilled in you, giving you a moment to adjust to the delicious stretch of him inside you. He was big enough that - if you hadn’t been so desperate for him, if he hadn’t already made you come once - you were sure that it would feel like he was breaking you in two. Like this, though, it was all pleasure with a hint of pain, just enough to make you feel so fucking full you thought you might burst with it. 

He started slowly but forcefully, dragging his cock back so only his head was inside you, his pace so slow that you felt his head on every ridge inside you. But he thrust himself back into you hard, like he couldn’t bear not feeling you again immediately, like being without you was almost painful. 

But he increased his pace, thrusting himself deep into you and pulling back before changing again, more rocking his hips down into you than fully thrusting into you. It meant he kept almost constant pressure on your clit, that the head of him was all but permanently against the spot inside that you immediately sought out whenever you used your vibrator. Your back arched into him and your pussy was so tight around him you were certain you couldn’t get any more wanting. 

“Fuck, need to feel you come while I’m inside you,” he managed, sliding his arms below you to press your bare chest against him. “Please, Beautiful, fuck, please come for me…” 

“Joel!” You cried out his name as you came around him and he fucked into you for another moment before you felt him throb inside as he spilled into the condom. 

He collapsed on top of you, panting for breath and you ran your hands over his broad back. After a minute, he kissed you gently and pulled himself from your wrung out body and lying beside you. 

“So,” he was still short of breath. “Got anythin’ around here I can come by and fix tomorrow?” 

You laughed a little, trying not to think of the fact that you’d just fucked your best friend’s dad. Trying not to think of the fact that there was no way this could be a one time thing. 

“Oh, I’m sure I can think of something,” you said. “I’m sure I can think of a lot of things.” 

[zadig-fate]

Me and my Poland tour bestie (noriko_743 on ig) were reflecting on our insane week following the guys around and realised that we basically did a speedrun on the entire JO fangirl checklist.

It was Nori's first in-person JO gig ever at Warsaw 1 (!!!)

We got barricade for the first time in both our lives

Nori got photos and hugs with ALL the guys

I got a guitar pick in Wrocław!

We sang Umazane Misli with Bojan at Warsaw 2

Bojan actually recognised me in Poznań and Prague and remembered what we'd talked about in Wrocław 🙀

Nori got handwritten lyrics from Bojan for a tattoo

Nori's ig story got reposted by Kris!

We both ended up in Vita's photos on the band's official account

We ran into the guys "in the wild", i.e. out in the city during the day

We got the live debut of a new iconic outfit (all-white Kris)

We saw all (I think all?) the Stožice outfits in person

We saw the Demoni scream and Kris NGVOT in person

I was the numbers person / unofficial "queue manager" for the pre-wristband queue at Warsaw 2 and Poznań

We participated in fan actions that the guys really appreciated (shoutout jokeroutpolska for organising)

I met lots of tumblr mutuals 🥰

I met a bunch of people I have plans to see again in Munich, The Hague and Amsterdam

Like... it's crazy just how much happened in this last week. And there was no one show where we got everything, or nothing. Every single gig had something special to offer. So if you're wondering whether it's "worth" following JO around on tour... it really, really is. The experiences you have and the people you meet are incredible.

Speaking of, here are some other unforgettable tour experiences that will stick with me for a long time to come:

Nori and I only met at the hostel before Warsaw 1, and she wasn't even planning to come to that show, she only had a ticket for Warsaw 2! But I talked her into getting a cheap resale ticket for Warsaw 1, and she queued with me, and she loved it so much she immediately bought tickets for Wrocław and Poznań too, so we booked hotels together for the rest of the tour.

I literally just met Nori last week?? But we spent nearly every minute together between Warsaw 1 and Poznań, dealing with the highest highs and lowest lows of tour life, and it now feels like we've been friends for ages.

After the fucking absurd queue situation at Wrocław (4:45am and #45, WTF????) we decided that after the show, we would wait outside for the boys and then head straight for Poznań in my car. So we literally drove through the night with our new friend Safursey and formed the start of the Poznań queue.

Our hotel in Poznań wasn't ready until 2pm so we literally just took turns queuing and sleeping in my car. Nori and Safursey let me have the first sleeping shift since I drove us overnight.

I think we only slept between 15-20 hours total over 8 days???

I'm actually glad I got to experience a cursed gig (Prague) where everything went wrong. Seeing how professionally the guys reacted and how smoothly things were resolved made me appreciate just how experienced and calm they are.

Nori and I were unknowingly the centre of a major Twitter outrage after Warsaw 2 because someone accused us of stealing the microphone after Umazane Misli. Neither of us are on Twitter so we didn't even know about this controversy, but someone was clearly accusing us (and it was definitely us from the context) of stealing the microphone to sing, even though we had a sign asking to sing UM and Bojan was obviously pointing at us to get the microphone next (which is clear to see in all the videos of that moment).

Our friend Safursey deleted her Twitter account after Prague because people who were not there were spreading all kinds of insane rumours and unfounded accusations about the queue and Bojan's ig stories and refused to be corrected by the people who were actually involved. She got so much hate for explaining what was actually happening on the ground that she left the platform entirely, so that should tell you how toxic Twitter is.

I was feeling like such utter shit after the drama in Prague that I didn't even want to attend the concert anymore, but Safursey and @thisismyobsessionnow (Nori didn't come to Prague) came to comfort me and convinced me to still come to the gig, and I really appreciate that.

Overall an emotional roller coaster, but one I wouldn't give up for anything. We had SO much fun and met SO many people. I would do it again any time.

[perksofbeingamaineiac]

June 20, 2023

I have to do this fast. I have to leave in about half an hour for work.

My mind is so scattered. Yesterday was a damn joke.  I went to the gym thinking I would just see Nancy. As I get to the door I see one of the guys I was talking to, my gym crush from way back when. I go to the change room, come out and the only rack availably is the one beside him. 

We talk a bit and he offers me liquid chalk. I take it and ask how his vacation was. I was a tad petty. He looked confused at first and then realized bumble. He apologized for not recognizing me. We talked some more in between sets and he then also apologized for not replying to me. I didn’t even let him explain I just said it was fine. We continued to joke around after that. Before I assumed he was going to leave I also went up to him and thanked him. Hoping he would say anything, but nope. He left it at “you’re welcome”. While we were talking in between sets he was saying how he liked having people around to motivate him. He motivated me to max out and he also went heavier. We’ll see if he noticed I’m not on bumble anymore. 

I then go talk to Nancy and look up and Alex is staring at me. I walk over that way to get weights and he takes his earbuds out to talk to me. Cool. We chat he walks towards where I am working out and uses the bench there. He comes up to me between sets and talks to me. Cool. We workout in the same area for a while. I go upstairs and do cardio. He eventually comes upstairs. I stretch. I can’t see him when I am leaving so I text him. He says he’s crying in the corner. I find him to say bye, I don’t want to just leave and be rude and then its awkward. 

He ends up starting to walk out with me and tells me to hold on because he needs a drink of water. He walks me to my car. We talk for like 10-15 minutes. In that time he tells me I should have gone to the taste of Italy because there were all the woodbridge guys there. wtf. He also brags about how his friends are great because they do everything together. I mentioned my friends don’t love going out and doing things and how I have tried to make new friends and I used Nancy as an example of how I am happy to make new friends. Eventually he said he was hungry so I told him he should go home and eat. He said bye by saying he would see me around and then correcting that he wouldn’t because he was going away. I said I was also leaving so that wouldn’t help and then we realized he gets back Sunday and I leave Friday so we would see one another. I told him that I still wanted to do that chest day he promised and I was holding him to it. He said I need to wait for his rotation and was kinda putting it off somy aggressive ass said “You’re making excuses” and just kept yelling “excuses at him”. He is full of them. Im just mad at the way he made me feel and the way he looks at me is so frustrating. 

I saw Matteo last night too. We caught up and I told him about the guys at the gym and also about Braeden. His point of view was that any guy I date I need to be friends with for a year first and then date. I get being friends first and taking it slow. No guy is going to be friends for a year. I don’t really get the logic behind it. I can figure out what I need to figure out about someone and date them at the same time. I heard twice yesterday that I move too fast. I don’t know how to slow down. I get excited and just want to give my energy to that person and figure it out. I feel bad about being distracted from Braeden yesterday. I ended up calling him on my way home and it was nice, even on my way home from Matteos and we talked for  2 hours. 

I kinda mentioned my frustration with my conversation with Matteo and how he says I move to fast and I am kinda clingy and want too much too quickly. He said he likes the pace I am going and kinda mentioned not moving too fast or getting mad about not answering. I said I don’t get mad when he doesn’t answer, I can wait. 

I don’t know, Works been okay. We have a gold tournament today so I need to get ready to go there. I need to write more..so hopefully I make the time. 

[miyaniacs]

hey 🥺👉👈could you maybe write some headcanons for my volleyboys kuroo, tsukki, wakatoshi and terushima (idk how many i can request tbh, remove some if it’s too much) so basically the boys are getting nasty with their s/o in the club room or maybe during the training camp, and their teammates walk on them. How would the boys react etc. Have a nice day, i hope you are staying hydrated💕

how could I remove someone when you did such a good job at requesting some of my faves?! 

ALSO yeyyyy this request gives me life! I’m so excited to write it !! and all the asks and sweet messages I got today got me in a good mood 

warnings: slight nsfw, me being my stupid self again who can’t be serious for only one second 

masterlist

HC getting caught by their teammates 

sooo flirty flirt Kuroo

it would happen during training camp 

and 100% Bokuto is involved in the mess 

soo kuroo - being the horny pornstar he is - was more than happy when you told him that you would help during training camp 

Meaning that you would especially help him... out. 

well.. newsflash you did not. 

I mean.... how could you with all the other sweethearts being around you? 

Bokuto accepted you as his mother owl the second he saw you??? 

and hinata? let’s not start with this sunshine 

but just this one thing. 

Hinata + Kenma = your heart running a marathon 

SO BACK TO KUROO 

he was.... salty? you neglected him for his enemies friends

sooooo he asked you to help him getting some stuff for the next match 

you haven't really listened to what he said, wayyy to into the story Bokuto was telling you - yet you still followed kuroo

here you are now 

one leg around his hips, hands tangled up in his hair, his lips abusing that one specific stop on your neck, his hand on your ass, the other covering your mouth

“what was that kitten? you want some more?” he smirks and starts grinding onto you 

you throw your head back and he finally lets go of your neck, happy with the mark he left 

his lips find yours again in a heated and very needy kiss

Your heads are filled with each other so you don’t acknowledge the footsteps coming near the basement 

“I think they should be in here!!” 

AND

Bokuto swings the door open

Kuroo and you turn your heads to look into bokutos, Akaashis and Lev’s faces. 

Bokuto again shuts the door close 

“ I CAN GET YOU 15 MINUTES !!!! MAX 20 !!!” Bokuto screams 

Bokuto faking an extreme emo mood so you and kuroo can have some ... quality time? CHECK

emo mood suddenly gone as you two walked back into the gym 

during the game : Kuroo was at his best, Bokuto made it obvious what happened due to his WINKING, also Lev was a tomato AND Akashi just done with this world. 

our FARMER Ushijima

it was ALL your idea lol 

so you can’t blame him

you waited outside the lockers room for him to come out 

it was still 20 minutes till their practice started 

He walked out with Semi and Tendou 

“Oh hey y/n - do you need anything?” he asks and the three of them stopped. 

“Oh uhm.. I just needed to ask you something real quick.” you lied. 

“Sure - you don't have to wait, I’ll come right after.” and with that you two are alone. 

“So what’s up love?” he tilts his head. 

“Is it fun?” you ask him dead serious. 

“Fun?” he’s already confused - what is supposed to be fun?

“Torturing me.”

“To- WHAT? Love, I have never intended to hurt you in any way I'm sorry if I did it wasn't my fault at all...” he begins and you interrupted him 

“So ... you did not flexed your arms the whole time during math?!” 

oh. now it clicks. 

his face relaxes and he stokes your cheek. 

“Let’s discuss this inside, shall we?” he gently pushes you into the lockers room. 

yes soo... things get heated real quick 

his shirt already off again 

your hands run over his rock hard muscles 

stopping at his arms, your hands grab onto his biceps 

he starts nibbling on your lower lip - earning a moan from you 

his hands are rested at the small of your back, moving downwards until he got a good grip on your booty

uhm well yes.. you two forgot the time 

and the team needs their captain right? 

sooo Goshiki and semi walk back to see if everything is alright with you and if he can finally come so they could start with practice 

Semi opens the door

Goshiki’s face drops, mouth open, hands over his eyes 

Semi’s just rolling his eyes 

“Alright, continue this later we have practice.” 

ANDD with that 

Ushijima is already dressed leaving the room with semi, who's dragging a still shocked Goshiki back with him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow love, text me when you got home!” Ushijima yells over his shoulder. 

You stand in the room for another 10 minuets. 

HOW could he be so unbothered and just leave? Sure volleyball is his number one but .... just HOW? 

Well... he’s not unbothered, since he can only think about your soft lips. 

YET 

It’s Ushijima and he’s got the ultimate poker face and eventho his thoughts are with you - he’s still amazing at volleyball and no one noticed 

you will see him tonight already tho ... and not just tomorrow.

NOW MR. UNBOTHERED SLATY MC SALT. Tsukishima 

When: training camp  Where: GYM 3 Who: Bokuto and Kuroo

the walk OF SHAME

SHAME

SHAAMEEEE

Tsuki and you needed this quality time- he was annoyed and you wanted to distract him 

andddd got carried away 

he sat on the bench and you on his legs

his hands on your ass, or roaming over your back 

your arms wrapped around his neck 

tongues fighting with each other 

you just started grinding on him, already feeling a lil something underneath you 

then you heard it 

the 

GASPS 

Tsukishima hid his face in your neck. This did not just happened. Not here. not THEM 

you turn your head and see the faces of Bokuto and Kuroo. 

“Dinner is ready... but I guess you already started with the dessert.” Kuroo smirks... and it grew mischievous

“OY Bokuto, let’s leave those two alone and tell the others that they already ate.” 

And they ran away 

from a far you hear Bokuto scream 

“Tsukishima and Y/n wont come... Well they probably will come.. but not for dinner, they’re already eating each others faces.” 

You stayed in the gym for a few more minutes. 

Non of you saying anything 

Your stomach grumbles and Tsuki sighs 

“We can either jump off the nearest bridge OR get humiliated. I’m rooting for the first option.” He looks into your eyes and adds “I’m sorry baby.” 

Well.. you still chose the second option. 

You open the doors and all the talking stopped

and now all eyes are fixed on you two as you get inside the room and sit down beside Yamaguchi and Hinata. 

still non of them dared to say a word - thanks to Tsuki’s death stares

Well... non besides Kuroo and Bokuto... 

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST - BIG FLIRTY ARIES ENGERY : TERUSHIMA 

Newsflash

Not the first time

this happens all the time

one unlucky team member walks into you two making out about once a week

Well today the unlucky one was Futamata

He forgot something in the VBC’s room 

and well.... 

opening the door... he saw your legs wrapped around Yūjis torso, your hands in his hair, your blouse on the floor. 

Yūji still as shirtless as he was when he last saw him

“GUYS PLEASE. Stop for a second and let me get my bag.” he covers top his eyes

“Well, your bag is on the other side of the room so I don’t see a problem.” Yūji says unbothered by the interruption, is lips badly leaving yours 

“Just be on time for practice. I swear to god Misaki’s going to kill you otherwise.” and he left the room again. 

Yūji is back doing his work the second he heard the door shut. Lifting up your skirt a bit more his hand moves in-between your thighs... 

well... he’s late for practice again 

opening up the door to the gym he walks into it like the ‘king’ he is

His hand runs through his still messy hair and smug smile on his face

“Sorry - got caught up in something.” 

the whole team, coach included, rolls their eyes. 

fast forward after practice ended in the lockers room. 

“WTF TERUSHIMA ?!” Futamata exclaims jumping back from the lockers he saw you pressed against earlier 

“What?” Yūji asks, already knowing what’s up 

“YOUR BACK. You two did... did it... HERE?!” 

“well.. good for you that you got your bag in time.” he smirks and finishes getting dressed. 

“CLEAN THE GODDAMN ROOM.” Bobata looks disgusted. 

Well the whole team looks disgusted asking themselves if they should just burn everything that touched basically anything in this room. 

“No sorry, I can’t. Promised Y/N to finish what I started.” And with that he casually walks out of the room leaving his team disgusted and with nightmares. 

general tag list : @brokeyiam 

[nikrangdan]

cafeworker!ni-ki

pairing: cafeworker!ni-ki x female reader

genre: fluff, comedy

description: the cashier at the new coffee shop was so adorable you just couldn’t resist visiting just for him

**did not proofread

————

contrary to popular belief, you were NOT a social person

whenever you were around friends and family, you were always the loudest person there

like SHUT UP Y/N!!!!!!

anyways although you were loud, people still enjoyed being around you because you had such a sweet soul and interesting humor

everyone close to you knew that you hated talking to people you didnt know

but to all the strangers? no

they would think you were an outgoing ready-to-meet-new-people extrovert

which was so, so wrong

but ALAS, you had to talk strangers almost everyday living in 2020

(well lets pretend we arent in the middle of a pandemic right now)

moving on......

so you were in high school at the downfall of your existence

you used to have so many friends when you were younger ..now you only have like 3

and those three were always busy (busy making up excuses thats for sure) so you never really hung out with them outside of school

and on one fine evening after school you decided to visit the new cafe 5 minutes from your house

u were really excited because all the cafes were 15 minutes from your house so now u could just walk to this one if u wanted to !!!

but yeah it was in the middle of a small plaza that had cute buildings

you pulled up to the parking lot and was just about to get out the car when u remembered..

u have to talk to the cashier :/

who’s a stranger! even more ://

it was always so weird to you.. whenever you went out you always had someone else order for you because you just hated talking to strangers

you just felt uncomfortable and you couldnt help it

its not like you have never ordered for yourself but you would always prefer not to

and now that you think about it

this is the first time you have gone out by yourself

you did text one of your friends beforehand but they said they “had homework to do”

LIES!!!!

but you really wanted to try the coffee so you just ran with it

time to face your fears!

you opened the glass door to reveal a cute looking cafe, like the ones you’d see in movies

you loved it already

glancing to the cashier you’d have to be talking to—

hold on

you had to do a double take because WOAH.....

the cashier...

he....

wow..

you have never seen a boy like that in your life

you stood there for like 3 seconds before coming to your senses and standing infront of the menu

that was infrONT OF HIM

“hi, what can i get for you?”

HIS VOICE OH MY GOD..!?!?!

“oh um.. can i get a second to .. look..?”

“yeah of course,” he gestured to the menu on the wall above him

hes so nice u almost cried

your eyes shakily traveled up to the chalkboard menu and u began to ‘read’ the options

its like u could feel his eyes on u WTF!!!!

um um um *internally keyboard smashes*

you couldnt even think

the words on the menu were like gibberish

the ONE time u go out by yourself

this had to happen.. of course! someone had it out for you, you were sure of it >:(

picking a random drink you gave him your order

“uh can i have an iced caramel macchiato?”

ITS LIKE YOU CANT SAY A SENTENCE WITHOUT UH OR UM

u cant help but think hes judging you

he looks like that while u are standing there in old sweatpants your dads tshirt

“sure, what size?” he looks into your eyes after putting your order into the machine

god you felt your heart stop

his Eyes..... theyre so beautiful

“oh um regular” you attempted to give a small smile

hopefully it looked like one

“okay that’ll be $5.12.”

you dug out some cash from your bag and handed it to him

he gave u your change and gave u a small smile

“your drink will be out in a minute”

AAAAA

he went :)

he is so CUTE.....?!?!

he looked around your age too

sigh... you knew he was way out of your league though

you were gushing over him but he probably thought you were just another boring customer

while waiting u sat at one of the 2 person tables on your phone

and u IMMEDIATELY went to text your groupchat

‘GUYS’

‘AT THE CAFE NEAR MY HOUSE’

‘CUTEST BOY IVE EVER SEEN EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE’

‘WTF IM GONNA CRY HOW DOES HE EXIST’

‘WAIT BRB HE S COMIBBG’

you tried to quickly put your phone down without looking suspicious when you saw him walking towards you with a drink in his hand

“here you go, enjoy” he said before swiftly making his way back to the counter and talking to the other worker there

wow... hes so mesmerizing

you’d steal glances at him every now and then while taking sips of your drink

you were sitting there for like 20 minutes before you noticed you finished your drink

you totally forgot you came here to see how good their coffee was

it was good by the way

sadly it was your time to leave

taking one last glance at him, you threw away your empty cup and walked out the door

wow

u cant believe you got to witness the most beautiful human being ever

in your small town?? crazy

you were sitting in your car just thinking

WAIT

U DIDNT EVEN KNOW HIS NAME!

you mentally punched yourself but then you started laughing

what does knowing his name even matter, its not like u were ever going to talk to him anyway

LOL

*sad emoji*

but the coffee was good so you definitely planned to go back

and not just because of the cute boy

...unless....

*time skip*

the next day you went there was a week later at the same time in hopes that he was working the same shift

AND HE WAS!!!!

score! 1 for y/n, 0 for umm... any other person who had a crush on him too i guess

the cafe didnt have too many people since it was fairly new and also in a small part of the city

so when you went in, you were the only one there along with the two workers

“welcome, what would you like to order?”

NOT THIS AGAIN

he looked even cuter today

his messy blond hair almost covered his eyes

you shouldve forced your friend to come with you this time

you ordered the same thing as last time but this time he asked for your name

hmmm

“um y/n” you answered

your heart was always beating 2 times as fast whenever you had to talk to him

he wrote it down on the cup and after you paid, you went to sit down at the same spot as last time

looking at him is literally the highlight of your day

the same thing happened as last time, he came over and gave you your drink without giving u a second glance

>:((((

boooo look at me cute boy

nonetheless u continued going to the cafe at the same time as much as u could which was like three times a week

literally over a month later and u dont think anythings going to happen

u punch yourself for thinking the boy would somehow find interest in you

hes still indifferent to you which isn’t surprising since you’ve never made any kind of move

ever

but

he should know u by now

hopefully..

*time skip again*

it was a saturday

at this point you’ve basically given up on having a crush on him and now since its become a routine u just say you go for the coffee

not really paying attention to your surroundings you dont notice that the boy at the cash register isnt the normal one you see almost everyday

“hey, what would you like to order?”

woah WHAT

you look up from your bag to notice a boy that was definitely not the one that normally stood infront of it at this time

and you also noticed something on this new cashier

a name tag

how come your old little crush didnt have one????

this new boys name was ‘jay’ and he was fairly cute too

looking around the corner at the other worker u noticed he has a name tag too

you recognized him because he was always working when the cute boy was at the cash register

his name was ‘heeseung’

after taking in these new additions you answered to jay

“oh um.. can i ge-,”

“she gets an iced caramel macchiato. her name is y/n”

??!<_|#%[>~€\£~

you whipped your head around so fast to see who said that behind you

was it who you thought it was ??!??!

YES IT WAS!!!!

OH MYGOD

ITS HIM

you widened your eyes at the boy who wasnt wearing his normal black and white uniform

instead he was wearing black ripped jeans and a gray hoodie

wow....... and u thought he couldnt look any better

BUT OMG?? HE REMEMBERS U

“oh wow ni-ki, you know her?” the boy named jay asked him

“uh yeah.. shes a regular” he said before walking to stand next to you

NI-KI

HIS NAME IS NI-KI OHMHGOD

u thought his name fit him perfectly its so CUTE

“are you gonna get something too?”

this whole time you were silent because.. what is going on

your heart was being SO fast you thought that everyone could hear it

“yup, can i get the same thing? also im paying for both of us”

WHAT??/):)/$;##\%|

ur eyes widened even more it looked like they were gonna pop out of its sockets

u unconsciously leaned towards the boy next you and kind of put your hands up

“w-what?? oh um no, you dont have to do that” you nervously said to him as he looked down at you

he kind of had a smile on his face

“i want to.”

there is no way this is happening

“oiiii ni-ki” jay chuckled while punching in numbers on the cash register

“ill have both of your drinks out soon, you two kids have fun!” jay said before turning around to face heeseung

WHAT??!!??!

your jaw almost dropped from shock

millions of thoughts ran through your brain and you couldnt even process anything

u cant believe this was happening

it was like a wattpad story or something.. is this how u meet ur soulmate

your thoughts were interrupted by a hand on your back momentarily and u look to see ni-ki shyly grinning and gesturing u towards a table

no way...

you awkwardly follow him to a 2 person table next to wall and sit down

you literally could not hear anything except for the pounding of your heart

“uh sorry about that...” he rubbed his neck and sheepishly smiled

“im ni-ki by the way”

“y/n...” u felt so awkward u wanted to cry

“agh, im really sorry if that was weird.. i just didnt know how to ask you out.....” he trailed off

*passes out*

IM JOKING

Ok but u felt ur heart stop bc NO WAY

“wait what??” u ask, ur eyes bigger than the moon

“um yeah... haha i took the day off today to try to talk to you.. sorry if that was weird..”

HE WAS SO AWKWARD JUST LIKE YOU IT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER

“no its okay!! im glad actually...”

“really? so is it okay if we hang out?” he asked excitedly

u did not think u could handle HOW CUTE THIS BOY WAS O M G...

“of course! sorry if im kind of awkward though” you gave a small smile

“its okay, i think i am too”

you two began talking about the cafe and where you went to school

turns out even though you two lived in the same town (literally 5 minutes away from eachother) u went to different schools for some reason

u talked for like 2 minutes before jay walked up with your drinks

“hows it going guys?”

“its doing good bro, now go away..” ni-ki lightly shoved jay and laughed

you giggled at the sight

jay looked offended and came right back

“that is not how you talk to your elders ni-ki! y/n do you see this?!” he scoffed

ni-ki just rolled his eyes and turned back to you

“do not ignore me young man!” jay joked

“oh y/n, ive heard all about you from ni-ki over here by the way.”

ni-ki’s eyes got so big you almost got worried

he turned around so fast and gave jay one of those ‘i swear if you say anything ur dead meat’ looks

jay obviously did not care

“hes always like ‘y/n this y/n that’ blah blah im glad he finally got the balls to ask you out because im honestly sick of hearing it!” jay laughed

u were blushing so hard

NI-KI LIKED U????

this felt like a dream

ni-ki pushed jay away so hard and turned back with red cheeks

awe

but yeah that was the beginning of the cutest relationship ever

u and ni-ki were so cute together <333

you’d always visit him during ur free time

it took like 2 months before u two made it official tho

and he was the sweetest boyfriend ever

[dual-domination]

I posted 928 times in 2021

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For every post I created, I reblogged 9.0 posts.

I added 980 tags in 2021

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#tfatws - 53 posts

Longest Tag: 95 characters

#steves arc is literally moving forward and accepting his new reality to become a modern man. 🤡

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

This Zemo with this Bucky

See the full post

137 notes • Posted 2021-05-12 17:28:47 GMT

#4

Accurate af 👌

From: @MLtoFangirl on twitter

139 notes • Posted 2021-11-10 12:39:20 GMT

#3

Husband watching The Untamed - The Mustache

Episode 10. Husband laugh his ass off

Things like “Lan Zhan, hold my sword” and “Lan Zhan, use your iron” made him scream and I hadn’t laugh at such stupid things the time I watched alone. Wtf Husband is twelve???

WWX ransacking XY and Husband was like “Reputation? Already gay reputation.”

Husband about XXC and XY: “Enemies AND lovers.” (I’m sad for him in anticipation abt Yi City arc)

XY says “Don’t forget me” to XXC and Husband just: “I said, I knew it!”

Husband: Everyone but Jiang Cheng is gay here.

Me: He met Wen Qing just for a moment in the Novel. This whole thing with her doesn’t exist there and in the donghua.

Husband: So he’s really gay with the little brother with a fan... The couple that didn’t got the rooster.

Suddenly, a wild Nie Mingjue appears on screen.

Husband: THE MUSTACHE!!! \o/

Sect Leader Mustache.

Husband will be disappointed when he watches the donghua and sees no mustache.

The drama between NMJ and MY happens, MY crying, NMJ, THAT MAN, crying so sadly abt sad little ‘princess dimples’ MY

Husband: So, them too... OH.

Me: Yeah.

Husband:....

Husband: Wait... this guy (MY) is not the older brother Lan’s boyfriend??????? D:

Me: And this guy (NMJ) is Xichen’s best friend...

Husband: Best “friend”? In this show? WAIT A MINUTE

Proud of him being smart enough to figure out abt XueXiao and 3zun so easily kjsjkskskjjks

Important note: He found NOTHING abt SL and XXC, just friends who cultivate together, not even a hint of romance, sexual tension, etc. Proud of him for this too.

I knew this episode would worth it.

144 notes • Posted 2021-12-04 03:05:22 GMT

#2

*Steve is back from moon*

Steve: So... Zemo is now an ally...

Sam: Yep.

Steve: I heard he's dating someone and...

Sam:

Bucky:

@thesunflowersutra

317 notes • Posted 2021-05-02 17:13:50 GMT

#1

This Zemo with this Bucky

See the full post

362 notes • Posted 2021-05-14 15:55:39 GMT

@thesunflowersutra my number one is the AU I made for you! <3

@mostlikelytofangirl look where you are ;)

@raging-red-lotus-of-qinghe Nie Huaisang tag so highly ranked - the credits for that are, at least, half yours

Husband, you don't have a Tumblr, and yet you got the 3rd place ><

Thanks to everyone who took part in 2021 in my favorite place (here)!

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[theorajones]

OR IS HE?

I present to you, the Michael Knight Manwhore Index! 

This was shamelessly ripped off from inspired by Sara_merry’s Michael Knight Sex Project on LJ, which tragically appears to have been abandoned after the first 14 episodes. But having a) a ton of spare time on my hands due to the ongoing Coronapocalypse, b) a steadfast dedication to sitting around in my pajamas watching Knight Rider instead of cleaning the gutters or replacing my car’s valve cover gaskets and c) a burning need to know how accurate my estimate of Michael’s conquests was in my last trashy fanfic, I persevered.

Methodology: I assigned each prominent female guest character (and the occasional male and/or regular character) a probability of having gotten it on with Michael, based on my subjective interpretation of how much they flirted/made out/made plans for a romantic getaway/actually went on a romantic getaway. Episodes in which at least one character had a 50% or greater probability (including with characters who were talked about but not seen onscreen) were assigned a value of 1. Episodes with a 49% or lower probability were assigned a value of 0. Values were totaled to calculate each season’s MKMI number.

TL;DR results:

 (# denotes probable sexytimes with someone who wasn’t seen onscreen, * denotes Michael’s participation was most likely non-consensual)

Season 1 MKMI number: 13

04 - Good Day at White Rock 05 - Slammin’ Sammy’s Stunt Show  Spectacular 06 - Just My Bill # 07 - Not a Drop to Drink 08 - No Big Thing # 09 - Trust Doesn’t Rust # 10 - Inside Out 11 - The Final Verdict 13 - Forget Me Not 15 - Give Me Liberty... or Give Me Death 16 - The Topaz Connection 17 - A Nice, Indecent Little Town 20 - Knight Moves

Season 2 MKMI number: 6

06 - Return to Cadiz 07 - KITT the Cat 08 - Custom KITT 14 - Diamonds Aren’t a Girl’s Best Friend 18/19 - Goliath Returns * 23 - Let It Be Me

Season 3 MKMI number: 7

09 - Dead of Knight 12 - Custom Made Killer # 13 - Knight by A Nose 14 - Junk Yard Dog 15 - Buy Out 17 - The Nineteenth Hole 22 - Circus Knights

Season 4 MKMI number: 5

03 - KITTnap 08 - Many Happy Returns 12 - The Scent of Roses 16 - Redemption of a Champion 22 - Voo Doo Knight

Conclusion: Michael is not nearly as much of a manwhore as people think, at least based on what we see onscreen. Although he clearly does have a social life outside of what we’re shown in every episode, so there’s still a world of possibilities...

Detailed episode analysis below the cut:

s1e01/02 - Knight of the Phoenix

Lonnie - Don't seem to know each other very well, no signs of other than professional interest. Probability: 0%

Tanya - Some kind of working relationship as Michael Long, but she doesn't seem to recognize his voice as MK. Plus he was possibly still engaged to Stevie as ML.

T: "I can promise you a very rewarding... *partnership*." M: "Not this time."

Probability: 5% (as ML)     0% (as MK)

Maggie - She expresses regret at not going for him at the end, but also seems more interested in finding a father figure for her son. It's implied that Michael left town before anything could happen. He did say he'd come back and visit. Did he ever? Would Maggie be up for a fling even though she knows he can't settle down? Potentially but not necessarily.

Probability - 30%

s1e03 - Deadly Maneuvers

Robin - They keep things mostly professional during the investigation. Michael goes to his own hotel room. At the end, it looks like he and Devon are leaving together. Michael is wearing a different shirt in the last scene than in the one where he rescues Robin from the munitions range so it's unclear how much time has passed. Theoretically sexytimes could have transpired but there aren't really any strong suggestions that they have.

Probability: 10%

s1e04 - Good Day at White Rock

Sherry - "Keep driving." "For how long?" "Until one of us runs out of gas."

Probability: 95%

s1e05 - Slammin' Sammy's Stunt Show Spectacular

Lisa - She's definitely interested. And he's sticking around for another 3 weeks, so definitely some opportunity. He doesn't seem as flirtatious with her as he was with Sherry but it's definitely a possibility.

Probability: 70%

s1e06 - Just My Bill

Sabrina (offscreen) - Devon breaks Michael's date with her. Not enough info to draw any conclusions about whether it's a first and/or last date. A definite possibility.

Probability: 50%

Senator Maggie - That would have been subversive af, but alas, no.

Probability: 0%

Jane - Doesn't seem that into him at their first meeting. At their breakfast date he asks her how she slept, which presumably he'd know if he'd been there. She does go out to lunch with him and Devon at the end. Possible but not conclusive.

Probability: 25%

s1e07 - Not A Drop to Drink

Francesca - They have kind of a "channel the sexual tension into arguments" thing, but like Maggie in the pilot, she's probably looking more for somebody who can settle down. Another one where he talks at the end about coming back to visit but we don't know if he ever does. Maybe?

Probability: 50%

S1e08 - No Big Thing

The Unnamed 200-Mile Diversion Girl (offscreen) - I doubt he drove 200 miles out of his way just for coffee and friendly conversation.

Probability: 90%

Carol Reston - They have dinner together but seem to be keeping things strictly business. No apparent indication that they're romantically interested, no "Come back and visit sometime."

Probability: 0%

s1e09 - Trust Doesn't Rust

Rosalyn and/or Rosalie (offscreen) - "What's wrong with a little 'companionship'?"

Probability: 90%

Bonnie - They almost kiss after defeating KARR, but mutually think better of it. Presumably the moment passes and stays passed for another few seasons of UST.

Probability: 0%

s1e10 - Inside Out

(This ep has a higher than average amount of sexual innuendo, including KITT's breathless response to Bonnie adjusting his components, Michael commenting that Bonnie knows how to turn KITT on, KITT straight-facedly giving Michael an accounting of Bonnie's measurements after Michael wonders whether there's a real woman under her jumpsuit, and Michael & KITT's "Maybe I can get something from the girl"/ "I wouldn't touch that line with a 10 foot driveshaft" conversation. "Don't worry, I'll distract her."/"I'll bet." "What was that all about?"/"Biology.")

Linda - WTF was up with him grabbing her in the woods like a skeezoid rapist when he just wanted to give her dinner? She doesn't kick him in the balls so I guess that counts for something. They hug after a conversation in her room later, hold hands and smooch before she goes off to do... something mission related. She saves his ass and helps him drop off the bad guys at the prison. Do they celebrate later? Maybe.

Probability: 70%

s1e11 - The Final Verdict

Cheryl - They're pretty touchy-feely when he visits her in jail, and she gives him a pretty good kiss at the end. Odds are good that they had/will have a romantic relationship at some point.

Probability: 90%

s1e12- A Plush Ride

M: I wanna search Margo's room. K: I've heard that one before. M: It'll give you something to brood about during the night.

Margo - (spoiler alert) She's a terrorist. They get physical when she catches him searching her room but it doesn't turn into anything more than fighting. He kisses her (in front of everybody, wtf) after she (supposedly) saves him from being murdered by Jacobs. But the next time we see the two of them together, she's taking him prisoner. She's pretty touchy-feely with him while he's tied up but there's no time for her to do anything (and presumably he wouldn't be into it if she did, what with her being a terrorist and all).

Probability: 0%

Bonnie - Uncharacteristically flirtatious, appears to be a bit tipsy. No real implication that anything happened, though.

Probability: 0%

s1e13 - Forget Me Not

Maria Elena - They're flirting up a storm in their first scene. And their third one. And fourth one. Also she's frequently scantily clad around him. Michael to KITT in the last scene: "See you in two days, buddy." Oh yeah, he was planning something.

Probability: 95%

Micki - She's a little flirtatious too before she loses her memory (although he starts it by fake-flirting with her). And also feels comfortable enough to just run around in Michael's shirt and little else after she loses her memory, although she says she doesn't just meet guys at parties and go home with them (she thinks). He tells her she's a nice lady but doesn't seem that romantically interested in her.

Probability: 10% Until...

Maria Elena & Micki - They've become fast friends by the last scene and both kiss him on the cheek at the same time after he brings them both flowers (at KITT's instigation). Why do I get the feeling "Anybody wanna cruise a hamburger joint?" was as close as they could get to implying a threesome on 80s family hour tv?

Probability: 60%

s1e14 - Hearts of Stone

M: KITT, don't fall in love with one of these beautiful cars and run off on me, huh?

K: I wouldn't dream of it.

Angie - She's with Roberto. Also (spoiler alert) a scam artist criminal.

Probability - 0%

The blonde lady at the bar - They flirt and she tells him she hopes to see him later, but no indication that she ever does.

Probability: 5%

Devon - Oh man, the way he's eyeing Michael up in his hotel room. And if we're still in the pilot universe, Michael is a dead ringer for a young Wilton, whom I will never be unconvinced Devon wasn't either secretly in love with or a relationship with, s2 Devon Miles Heterosexuality Minutes be damned. We never really get any indication that Michael swings that way, though (at least with non-automotive males, *wink*).

Probability: 0%

The nurse - In the novelization she flirts with him and kisses him, but no indication of romantic interest in the actual episode.

Probability: 0%

s1e15 - Give Me Liberty... Or Give Me Death

Bonnie - He tries to ask her out, but she's busy spending the night with KITT. :D She also doesn't seem very impressed with his Liberty drama.

Probability: 0%

Liberty Cox - When she shows up in his room, he seems a lot less interested in her than she is in him, but he doesn't exactly fight her off when she starts kissing him. He tells KITT he went to bed and she went back to her room, but she's sure more pissed about not getting to ride along with him the next day than you'd think she'd be if all they'd done was smooch. Also she's back at FLAG HQ at the end so maybe she's spending some time in town.

Probability: 90%

Dorothy Ackridge - He tries to be flirtatious but she has no time for his shenanigans. she's grateful when he saves her life but doesn't express any romantic interest in him.

Probability: 0%

s1e16 - The Topaz Connection

Lauren Royce - She takes half the episode to warm up to him but they have fun in Vegas. "You do the cake, I'll do the champagne, and we'll see what else comes to mind." "Deal." Things look like they might be headed in a steamy direction as evidenced by the romantic music playing but they get cockblocked by Bob. They smooch before she gets on the bogus plane. In the last scene they kiss some more and she tells him they have some unfinished business.

Probability: 95%

s1e17 - A Nice, Indecent Little Town

KITT: Michael is... indisposed. Devon: Oh. That means he's either with a young lady or in jail.

Jobina - He's definitely turning on the charm. She helps Michael escape from jail (with KITT's assistance). "Is there anything this car can't do?" "I think a woman would be a better judge of that." "I beg your pardon?" I don't even know what that's supposed to mean but I want to believe it's something saucy. Not actually much indication onscreen that anything happened but in the last scene Michael says he hopes Jobina will stay in town and Bonnie asks if that's so he'll know where to find her. Michael responds, "Yeah, that's a thought." Possibilities here.

Probability: 50%

s1e18 - Chariot of Gold

Dr. Charlene Litton - He chats her up at the party, but it's in the line of duty. She's kind of condescending to him. She does break away from the creepy IQ cult and help Michael foil their plans, but isn't seen again.

Probability: 0%

Bonnie - They do their usual UST thing, and dance at the party until Devon cuts in. He's extremely protective of her. He talks her out of her brainwashing by telling her "We're a team, we love each other." He makes her breakfast and brings her a rose at the end. Still, no overt indication that anything beyond camaraderie happens.

Probability: 0%

s1e19 - White Bird

Stevie - Presumably they've gotten it on in the past but there was too much going on in this episode for anything to happen. Also presumably Wilton didn't do any renovations below Michael's neck so if they'd gotten it on she would have known with 100% certainty who he was.

Probability: 95% (as ML)     5% (as MK)

s1e20 - Knight Moves

Terri - He asks her to go dancing. She turns him down but finds him likable/trustworthy enough to let him give her a lift home. They seem to be bonding but when he goes in for a kiss she says goodnight and goes in the house (alone). His little smile afterwards suggests he's up for the challenge. After he saves her life and her other driver threatens to quit she tells him she really likes him and hugs her but doesn't push it further than that. She tells him the next day that it was the first time she ever wanted to kiss a man (but that she had before anyway D: ). At the end they do go dancing (and she puts on a dress because heaven forbid a tough woman should ever fail to embrace conventional femininity immediately upon being found attractive by any halfway decent dude) and it's a reasonable assumption that they did more than just *dance* until dawn. I kind of want to roast Michael a little for not being more aghast about the fact that she's kissed dudes she didn't really want to and for encouraging her to give up her Tomboy Terri persona but it was a less enlightened era and at least he didn't hit on her when she was vulnerable which is more than a lot of dudes of his time (or this one, for that matter)  would have done so I'll cut him some slack.

Probability: 90%

s1e21 - Nobody Does It Better

Connie - He's checking her out on the tennis court but (spoiler alert) she gets murdered.

Probability: 0%

Flannery Roe - Things are off to a rocky start. She seems to take his "do you like to play?" at the club as a come on, pulls a gun on him (not entirely unjustifiably) when he corners her in the cul-de-sac and has him arrested on suspicion of being a stalker and/or rapist. She warms up to him a bit after he provides a comforting hug when she finds Connie's body but still gets a little shirty with him at the restaurant and turns down his offer of a ride home. She's antagonistic toward him when they meet again at the club. He saves her from the bad guys and for some reason she's back at the Foundation HQ at the end but they don't do any huggy-kissy stuff so odds are minimal.

Probability: 1%

s1e22 - Short Notice

K: Since you haven't asked, I'll tell you. It was demoralizing, demeaning. M: What? K: Police impound. M: Oh. You had me worried there for a minute.

Nicole - She keeps him at arm's length initially (understandably since she's hitching). Turns out she's another single mom, so her main preoccupation is getting her kid back, and she doesn't really care if she dicks Michael over in the process. He does get along well with her kid when they find her so that probably gets him a few points in her eyes. They hold hands after he beats all the bad guys in the western town and hug at the end but don't kiss. She's probably looking for a new dad for Natalie. He tells Natalie he hopes they'll see him again but nothing conclusive.

Probability: 10%

s2e01/02 - Goliath

Rita Wilcox - Another one where there was possible interest but probably wasn't time for anything to happen. She spends half the episode either pissed off at him or faking a relationship with Garthe, and then they're busy trying to take out Goliath. They hug after Garthe and Goliath are out of commission but don't kiss. At the end she's on her way out of town. It's unclear how much time has passed between that and the last scene but when she implies he should look her up if he's in LA, he doesn't mention that the Foundation's home base is in SoCal (or so it appears)? I don't think he's the type who wouldn't go for a woman he was interested in just because she'd hooked up with his evil twin (even if he was a little judgy when he found out she was shacking up with Garthe again), so maybe he's just not that into her.

Probability: 25%

s2e03 - Brother's Keeper

Lisa - Things aren't exactly off to a great start when he kidnaps her. She warms up to him a little by the end and they give each other a fairly chaste goodbye smooch. He says they'll see each other again and she says she hopes so. Maybe?

Probability: 30%

April: He's on a kidnapping spree and drags her to the beach at the end. Still, no real indicator that anything romantic is going to ensue.

Probability: 5%

s2e04 - Merchants of Death

Camela - They seem to keep it professional except for a goodbye kiss. Not even a "We'll see each other again." Odds are minimal.

Probability: 5%

s2e05 - Blind Spot

Julie - She's in some kind of platonic lifemate relationship with John, which may end up being more than platonic thanks to Michael's yenta-ing.

Probability: 0%

s2e06 - Return to Cadiz

Jennifer Shell - They have dinner together and she seems to open up to him but it isn't overtly romantic. They have a spat but hug and make up when he finds the secret treasure cave. She kisses him after he rescues her from the bad guys. An undisclosed amount of time has passed before they have dinner and he heads out but they do the "Will I see you again?/count on it" thing before she kisses him goodbye. It's possible, maybe even likely.

Probability: 50%

s2e07 - KITT the Cat

Grace - She's definitely flirting with him when she invites him to the party. And then tries to convince him she's not the burglar by making out with him. At the end he kisses her goodbye pretty interestedly while promising to keep a closer eye on her. Odds are good.

Probability: 85%

s2e08 - Custom KITT

Suzanne Weston - She's pretty overt about her interest in him, but when she shows up in his room he seems relieved when KITT beeps him on the comlink. She tells him he knows where to find her if he's ever in the mood for something other than "good, clean" fun, so by implication he hasn't been.

Probability: 0%

Carrie - She's into him enough to get jealous when she thinks he hooked up with Suzanne. "If our plan works and the thief tries to steal KITT tonight, you can thank me." She kisses him first, but then he kisses her and tells her that's "very close" to his way of wanting to be thanked. The implications aren't particularly subtle. They enthusiastically hug after catching the bad guys. When she wins the car show, they smooch with more "I don't know how to thank you... but I'm sure I'll think of a way" innuendo. He tells her he'll see her later, and I think it's a strong possibility that he will.

Probability: 90%

s2e09 - Soul Survivor

M: Devon, I felt something in here... I don't know, a presence... KITT's presence.

K: Oh Michael, do I look just dreadful? Be honest. M: KITT, what matters to me is who you are, not what you look like. Sure we don't have the car. So we can't turbo boost. So we can't go over 200 miles an hour. It was all icing on the cake anyway. It wasn't you. K: It wasn't? M: No, the car was fantastic but if you break it down it was steel, rubber and glass. We can always make another one. But you, you are a lot more than silicon chips and fancy circuitry, You're my buddy. You're my partner. KITT, you're one of a kind. K: Thank you, Michael. The feeling's mutual.

K: What was it like, Michael? M: What, KITT? K: Seeing my body functioning without me? Or you? M: A little spooky, let me tell ya. K: Did it seem like me? M: Yeah, it did and it didn't. It looked like you, but somehow it just wasn't the same. K: I don't understand. M: It didn't have your soul, KITT. Without that, it could never be the same. K: Thank you, Michael.

Adrianne - She techno-roofies him and the way Randy sticks his head in the door and then guiltily ducks back out as she's leaning over him on the couch kind of suggests he's walking in on something he knows he shouldn't see. Still, Michael appears to be fully clothed when he wakes up in a ditch. Adrianne is totally a creepy douchebag and/or rapist (as we will see more of in Goliath Returns) but she was probably too preoccupied with stealing KITT to do anything in this ep.

Probability: 20%

s2e10 - Ring of Fire

(This is one of two eps where Michael utters the phrase "come on, baby" to KITT while trying to get out of a jam. Obviously NBC's censors had to ruin our fun because it never happens again after this season.)

Layla - She's still married. Doesn't really express romantic interest in Michael and the hero of an 80s family hour tv series probably wouldn't have gotten it on with a married woman no matter how much of an abusive dick her husband was. They do kiss goodbye at the end and he tells her if she ever decides to leave the bayou, she knows where he'll be. If anything ever happens, it's probably in the distant future.

Probability: 5%

s2e11 - Knightmares

M: Whoa, you are hot! K: Quite true, Michael.

Cara - She tries to look out for him after he gets amnesia, but not a lot of indication that she's romantically interested in him, and he's too busy trying to figure out wtf is going on to hit on her. They hug after he rescues her from drowning but we don't see any more of them together.

Probability: 5%

s2e12 - Silent Knight

Marta - No real indication of romantic interest on either side. We  don't see what they're doing as Tino is saying goodbye to KITT but considering he offered her a handshake and not a kiss or even a hug, it's probably safe to say nothing happened.

Probability: 0%

s2e13 - A Knight in Shining Armor

Katherine - She's a little young for him (Michael tells her the treasure was supposed to be her 21st birthday present so presumably she's legal but the fact that she's still in prep school makes her seem younger). Also this is another episode where he begins their acquaintance by first rescuing, then kidnapping the female lead. They don't particularly like each other at first, but hug after his "if nobody can hurt you, then nobody can love you" chat with her, again after he rescues her from the bad guy (again) and after escaping the cave collapse. It seems more friendly than romantic, though.He takes her hand in the cave but it comes off more as sharing a moment than a romantic overture. They kiss at the end but he tells her goodbye and leaves. No indication that they're going to see each other again.

Probability: 5%

s2e14 - Diamonds Aren't A Girl's Best Friend

Lauren - She makes out with him when he first shows up as part of her cover story and he clearly doesn't mind. He's pretty committed to maintaining their cover in subsequent scenes. In the last scene she tells him she'd like "to do it for real" but she's pretty clearly referring to kissing, not *it*. By implication they haven't done more than kiss at this point but when she asks if she'll see him again, he tells her "unless you change her name and move to Okinawa." Future potential.

Probability: 50%

Lauren's boss - She's kind of flirtatious with him when they first meet but no indicator that anything happens.

Probability: 0%

s2e15 - White Line Warriors

Cindy - She's with Ron, who is apparently pretty understanding since he doesn't seem to object to her giving Michael a thank-you kiss at the end.

Probability: 0%

s2e16 - Race For Life

April - He's emotionally supportive and her niece has been introduced to Michael and KITT but no significant indications of anything romantic.

Probability: 0%

s2e17 - Speed Demons

Sabrina - He comes to her rescue when Wade is harassing her at the party, They hug after she talks to him about Kelly. They give each other a chaste goodbye kiss but no real indication of romantic interest.

Probability: 0%

s2318/19 - Goliath Returns

Adrianne - This one gets an asterisk, because whatever happened in Garthe's creepy dungeon after the cutaway to a scandalized KITT didn't look consensual on Michael's side. She pretty obviously went down to there to sleep with him, and the way she staggers out in her bathrobe the next morning while Garthe bitches about how she slept in pretty strongly implies that she actually did, but Michael really seems the opposite of into her and her basically telling him "please me [in bed] and maybe I'll make sure my psycho boyfriend doesn't murder you" is rape by coercion if not by force. Did he grit his teeth and do it just to hedge his bets? Maybe.

Probability: 80%*

s20 - A Good Knight's Work

Gina - He's obviously interested and kisses her before he goes to MMM, but (spoiler alert) she's playing him. Except maybe she's not so bad because she lets him talk her out of shooting him and then they hug. They kiss goodbye at the end but she's going into witness protection and there isn't really any indication that they'll see each other again or that anything romantic transpired.

Probability: 10%

s2e21/22 - Mouth of the Snake

Joanna - She was more interested in Dalton. I deeply want to believe Dalton's invitation to Michael to hang out with them at the end was really an invitation to join them for a threesome because it's the only thing that would make this episode interesting, but Michael takes a rain check and heads out of town.

Probability: 0%

s2e23 - Let It Be Me

Stevie - She's still pretty broken up about her boyfriend's death. He kisses her when they go back to her apartment and she tells him she still dreams about him. The next scene they're wearing different clothes and seemingly some time has passed so maybe something happened after the cutaway?

Probability: 50%

s2e24 - Big Iron

Lucy - She was the woman who was coming out of the hotel room at the beginning. He seemed to be checking her out in that scene but obviously he's not going for a married woman even if she didn't have some other drama going on.

Probability: 0%

s3e01/02 - Knight of the Drones

Bonnie - They hug when he shows up at the university and he makes the "You can sail with me anytime" comment to her at the marina at the end and they link arms to walk to the boat, but not really anything more romantic than that.

Probability: 0%

Margo - She fakes romantic interest in him and he plays along, but (spoiler alert) she's setting him up to be murdered.

Probability: 0%

s3e03 - The Ice Bandits

Bonnie - They walk arm-in-arm into the diamond place, but Michael was making innuendoes about other women when she was sitting right next to him in the car 30 seconds previously so probably nothing really going on.

Probability: 5%

Jody - She's engaged to Charlie. Michael tells Charlie "She's not the one I'm interested in, it's *you*," with his standard flirtatious grin and god, that's hot. Spoiler alert: Charlie is a crook. Even after she finds out the truth she doesn't really express romantic interest in Michael although she does paint his portrait.

Probability: 5%

s3e04 - Knights of the Fast Lane

Diane - He's too preoccupied with Stacy's case to flirt. She hugs him after he rescues her but we don't see them together again.

Probability: 5%

The random cheerleader - She seems interested, but we don't see them together again either.

Probability: 5%

s3e05 - Halloween Knight

Bonnie - He's very protective. Tinhats would probably make something of the fact that her costume is Scarlett O'Hara and his is Rhett Butler. Still, nothing too overtly romantic.

Probability: 5%

Esmerelda - She'd probably put a love spell on him in a hot minute but I think he finds her a little terrifying.

Probability: 5%

Denise - She's friendly but not overly flirtatious. Also she gets murdered before anything can happen.

Probability: 0%

s3e06 - KITT vs. KARR

Mandy - She's with John. No indicators that they're interested in a threesome.

Probability: 0%

s3e07 - The Rotten Apples

Marilyn - They're hardcore flirting and she says she hopes to see him again. They kiss after he wins the mechanical bull contest, but then she catches a bus out of town. She kisses him goodbye and he does this "oh yeah, I still got it" move but we don't get any strong evidence that anything else happened.

Probability: 10%

Rebecca - Not a lot of flirtation, and the kids are always around cockblocking.

Probability: 10%

s3e08 - Knight in Disgrace

(I was almost too distracted by KITT and Michael in this ep to pay attention to the GOTW, lol. KITT's hurt confusion when Michael leaves and him being a total bitch to Michael's would-be replacement and the way he goes with Michael even when he thinks he's on the wrong side of the law, I'm *dying* here...)

Linda - She comes onto him and roofies him at the bar and he wakes up with his shirt undone, but she's Boyd's girlfriend and (spoiler alert) another hapless single mom so she probably didn't do anything untoward, assuming he was even conscious enough by the time she got him home. After she gets to know and trust him she doesn't make any moves on him and they don't smooch or anything at the end.  

Probability: 5%

s3e09 - Dead of Knight

Cindy - It's not entirely clear what their relationship is. At the beginning it looks more like he's trying to pick up on her than they're actually dating. He's obviously really invested in helping her but he'd undoubtedly do the same for anybody who was in mortal peril because of him. At the end in the ambulance he calls her "baby" and says they have a date. In the last scene Cindy is leaving for Broadway soon but they're all together at the Foundation and it's unclear how much time has elapsed. Not conclusive but suggestive.

Probability: 50%

Renard's girlfriend -  She's putting the moves on him while he's feverish and loopy and somehow his shirt has gotten unbuttoned but there's a guard in the room so probably nothing happened.

Probability: 10%

s3e10 - Lost Knight

"If I may be so bold, what on earth were you *doing* down there?"

(LBR, Michael is too busy angsting about KITT to try and get laid in this ep.)

Doug's mom  - In a relationship, although at the end she decides to break things off with her boyfriend so she can focus more on her son. She and Michael kiss goodbye but it's improbable that there's anything more than that since she just said she doesn't need another man around right now.

Probability: 0%

s3e11 - Knight of the Chameleon

Tonie Baxter - They seem to know each other from a previous case. He kisses her on the forehead at the end of their first scene. They don't really seem to interact romantically during this episode. Michael gets distracted by KITT's contest winnings before they have a chance for a goodbye kiss.

Probability: 10%

s3e12 - Custom Made Killer

Unnamed Dancer (offscreen) - Devon: "You've been rather difficult to reach lately. Particularly last night." Michael: "I got a weakness for dancers." HIs protest that they're "innocent girls working their way through college" leaves little doubt about what kind of dancer this was.

Probability: 95%

Joan - No evidence of romantic interest. Also (spoiler alert) she's collaborating with the bad guys.

Probability: 0%

Debra - He flirts at the end and she kisses him goodbye. Lewis says "He'll be back" and she gives a suggestive eyebrow raise. Possible but not conclusive.

Probability: 25%

s3e13 - Knight By A Nose

M: KITT, how close are you? It's getting stuffy in here. K: Any closer and I'll have to marry this limo.

Maxine - They hug and he calls her "sweetheart" when he shows up. Devon accuses Michael of being biased because Max is attractive but he describes her as "a very, very close friend." Yet we never actually see them kiss. Maybe they really are just friends?

Probability: 25%

s3e14 - Junkyard Dog

Fran - He's too preoccupied with KITT to do much flirting for most of the episode, but they're having a picnic/makeout session together in the semi, seemingly alone, at the end. It's a reasonable assumption that things escalated at some point, even if they didn't want a scandalized KITT watching and commenting at that particular moment.

Probability: 80%

s3e15 - Buy Out

Mel - They keep it professional for most of the ep but after he catches the bad guy he tells her she's attractive without her welding mask and they kiss. We don't see them together again but it's possible that more happened.

Probability: 50%

s3e16 - Knightlines

Janet Morgan - She's recently widowed and not in the market yet. No romantic interaction.

Probability: 0%

s3e17 - The Nineteenth Hole

Daisy: Is that thing blown? KITT: I beg your pardon?

Jamie - After they fake being married at the hotel she kisses him before the race. Not a lot of other romantic interaction but he and Bonnie and Devon do seem to be sticking around to watch the race so something could happen.

Probability: 50%

Daisy - He flirts with her a little at the meetup but no indication that it goes beyond that.

Probability: 0%

s3e18 - Knight and Knerd

Allie - She rides off into the sunset with Elliot.

Probability: 0%

Receptionist at Gifford's - He flirts but no indication that it goes anywhere.

Probability: 0%

Vanessa Sutton - Apparently he gives a really good massage but she's (understandably) pissed off that he wasn't who she was expecting the massage from. Also she's a villain and is too busy setting him up to get murdered for anything to happen.

Probability: 0%

s3e19 - Ten Wheel Trouble

M: Hey, are you hungry back there, partner? K: Perhaps a little lonely, Michael. But rather enjoying my independence.

Sally - He turns on the charm when they first meet but things go south rapidly when he talks her brother into going to jail. By the end he's back in her good graces and she likes him enough to steal a kiss from him before he says goodbye. You know her hormonal teenage brain is thinking about it but for reasons that should be obvious, he isn't going there.

Probability: 0%

s3e20 - Knight In Retreat

KITT: Of course, there is one other possibility. Devon: What is that? KITT: The lady of the retreat. She's quite attractive. Of course, knowing Michael the way I do, it would strictly be in the line of duty.

Bianca - She seems to find him physically attractive, and maybe if she hadn't been so busy torturing him she would have tried to have a little fun with him. But considering what he suspects her of, he probably wouldn't have gone too far unless he absolutely had to.

Probability: 0%

Monica - She flirts with him at the bar and comments on what a waste it is to kill him, but nothing is likely to have happened due to both time constraints and her being Bianca's henchwoman.

Probability: 0%

s3e21 - Knight Strike

Sheila - She acts jealous when he makes the date with Tyler but he seems more exasperated than romantically interested in her. They kiss before he goes into the warehouse but it's fairly short and chaste. At the end, she goes off with O'Malley.

Probability: 0%

Tyler - She makes a date with him at the gun range but it's just a distraction. He flirts with her but it's all in the line of duty.

Probability: 0%

s3e22 - Circus Knights

Bonnie: I have to admit, Devon, he looks fantastic. Devon: Yes, in spite of that ridiculous costume he's wearing. Bonnie: No, I'm talking about KITT!

Terri - They keep things professional at first, although when they're in the car together she asks if circus-folk camaraderie is the only reason he's interested in helping her. He says he's be lying if he said yes and presumably she reads it as him being interested romantically. After his near-murder in the ring they have a heart-to-heart talk and kiss. At the end he tells her to call him if she needs anything. *Anything?* Hmmm...

Probability: 50%

Tiger - She hits on him but he's not into it.

Probability: 0%

s4e01/02 - Knight of the Juggernaut

K: I'm asking you how I look. M: You look great, same as always!

Marta - They have some chemistry in their first meeting. He asks her out when they get back to her apartment. But (spoiler alert) she's part of the conspiracy to steal the cernium and sets him up to get murdered (twice). He cools it on the flirting after the first incident (understandably, since if he takes her story at face value she was assaulted and possibly worse) although he still acts protective of her. After she helps them get the bad guys she's hanging out with the Foundation crew at the end but we don't see any more romantic interaction.

Probability: 25%

Jennifer - No overtly romantic interaction. They're antagonistic for most of the episode although they make up at the end.

Probability: 0%

s4e03 - KITTnap

Karen - She's doing her doctoral thesis on KITT and spending a lot of time with Michael in the progress. Judging by the way they're holding hands in their first scene and then making out at her apartment, there's obvious romantic interest. And she clearly has more than academic interest even after (spoiler alert) she gets held hostage by the bad guys so it's a reasonable assumption that if they weren't already banging they're going to at some point.

Probability: 95%

s4e04 - Sky Knight

Bonnie - He's pretty touchy-feely at the airport and they hug after saving the day but no overt romance.

Probability: 5%

s4e05 - Burial Ground

Susan - They keep it professional for most of the episode. He tries to hit on her at the end but she's in a relationship with Eagle. That doesn't stop her from giving him a goodbye kiss but no indicator that it goes any further than that.

Probability: 0%

s4e06 - The Wrong Crowd

Ann - She spends most of the episode being menaced and/or held hostage by the bikers and we don't really see them interact with each other in a non-case-related way.

Probability: 0%

RC - Michael is very tenderly concerned when he finds him knocked out by the side of the road. But probably neither of them swing that way.

Probability: 0%

s4e07 - Knight Sting

Gaye - She seems young. And also kind of annoying. He hugs her in the hospital but it doesn't look particularly romantic. No evidence of interest on either side.

Probability: 0%

Bonnie - He flirts with her when they're planning the operation and she shows him her dress. The rest of the episode they're too busy with the mission for any shenanigans.

Probability: 0%

RC - He's clearly been raiding Michael's closet for that sweater. But Michael is cool with it. No overt indication that they're more than bros, though.

Probability: 0%

s4e08 - Many Happy Returns

Amy - He's flirting up a storm but whoops, Devon is cockblocking and she's actually there with a mission for him. However, it's not all business and she surprises him with a birthday cupcake and some birthday smoochin', until duty calls again. She makes some innuendo about "getting to adolescence and maturity later" as he's leaving so she's obviously willing to take a rain check. She's back in the semi with them at the end and Michael invites her on vacation with him. We don't see her answer but it's a safe bet it's a yes.

Probability: 95%

s4e09 - Knight Racer

Elena - At first it's all business but they seem to be having fun dancing at the reception. They have a heart-to-heart talk in the parking lot until the hit man shows up. They hug after the big reveal about Elena's dad and the fight with Wayne's partner but don't kiss. Maybe Michael would think twice about getting involved with a friend of Bonnie's.

Probability: 10%

Unnamed track bunnies - Michael says it wasn't easy ignoring all those trophy queens and their phone numbers, implying that he did indeed ignore them (maybe more because he had to get back to the office than out of disinterest).

Probability: 0%

s4e10 - Knight Behind Bars

Julie - He agrees with KITT that she's cute, but they don't really express romantic interest to each other beyond a hug after he tosses Nelson into the ocean. Also at 20 she's a little young for him.

Probability: 0%

Gymnastics instructor - She flirtatiously tells him she's free the rest of the day, but he isn't. No indication that they see each other again.

Probability: 0%

s4e11 - Knight Song

Bonnie and/or RC - They're all playing hookie together and conspiring to keep it from Devon. Shenanigans?

Probability: 5%

Sanford - No indication of romantic interest, also she's a villain.

Probability: 0%

s4e12 - The Scent of Roses

K: I'm sorry, they don't allow cars in hospitals. I would have been closer. M: I know you would.

Stevie - They appear to have been staying at the beach house together so it's a safe bet, even if (spoiler alert) they never got to consummate their marriage.

Probability: 95%

s4e13 - Killer KITT

"Not now, Michael. I have a headache."

Bronwen - She and Michael barely interact, plus she's probably Berio's girlfriend.

Probability: 0%

s4e14 - Out of the Woods

Sam - He's flirtatious when they first get reacquainted but too busy working on the case for anything to happen before it's revealed that (spoiler alert) she's a villain. He does hug her when she surrenders at the end but I assume that trying to murder him is a dealbreaker.

Probability: 0%

Ellen - No real evidence of romantic interest and she says goodbye with a handshake rather than a kiss.

Probability: 0%

s4e15 - Deadly Knightshade

Bonnie - She's more preoccupied with Templeton. He does give her a swan in his magic act at the end.

Probability: 0%

Nancy - He's too busy with the investigation to even do much flirting.

Probability: 0%

s4e16 - Redemption of a Champion

Miss Cooper - Michael obviously has a hot date that most likely would have ended with some lovin' if he hadn't once again been cockblocked by KITT and Devon. At the end, Michael is dressed up for Date Night, Take 2, but gets called back to the semi again. Does she give him a third chance? I mean, *I* would...

Probability: 50%

Nurse Tremount - He flirts with her to get info and comforts her after she breaks down and confesses to the scam but no indication that it goes further than that. Plus she’s in an adulterous relationship with the villainous doctor.

Probability: 0%

s4e17 - Knight of A Thousand Devils

Claudia Terrell - She's a villain. When she makes a pseudo-date with him it's just to set him up.

Probability: 0%

Agent Jonas - They bet dinner on the arrest and Michael seems to be taking his death extremely personally. Juggernaut slash ships have been built on less. If he were a chick I'd say "extremely probable" except for the fact that Jonas was married with kids. Not that it stops some people, but it would most likely stop Michael.

Probability: 0%

"Ana-Lucia" - She keeps him up all night working on her car and he says he's going to come back after the race is over and demand equal time. Her response: "You won't have to demand." Plot twist: She's actually a Federale. We don't see her again after they apprehend the bad guy so it's questionable whether their flirtation was still valid for her real identity.

Probability: 10%

s4e18 - Hills of Fire

Sandra Rusk - Barely any interaction and also she's a villain.

Probability: 0%

Tess Hubbard: No significant romantic interaction. Probably too busy with her charitable work to go chasing after pretty-boys.

Probability: 0%

s4e19 - Knight Flight to Freedom

Lisa - Too busy dealing with a revolution for any shenanigans.

Probability: 0%

s4e20 - Fright Night

Karen - They keep things mostly professional but she buys him lunch at the end. No real indicator that it ends in anything romantic, though.

Probability: 5%

Liz - They flirt a little when he interviews her ("I appreciate your interest." "I'm interested!") but it doesn't really go anywhere.

Probability: 5%

s4e21 - Knight of the Rising Sun

N/A - No female guest characters and nothing particularly shippy with Bonnie.

Probability: 0%

s4e22 - Voo Doo Knight

Harana - She's a little flirtatious at the party. When she puts one of her zombifying earrings on him, she gets a little touchy-feely and tells him they could have had a future together but there are two of her goons in the room and she's sending him to the soon-to-be-demolished building so she probably doesn't have time to take advantage of him even if she wanted to do it with an audience.

Probability: 0%

Elizabeth - Michael nudges Devon into letting her stay an extra few days, and she seems pretty good with that. We don't see them kiss but they're engaged in a pretty intense hug at the end.

Probability: 90%

...at least he got to go out with a bang?

[kbstories]

impression//expression

“It’s not like Kirishima had come all this way to U.A. to immediately break the promise he made to himself upon arrival.

It’s just that Bakugou is as feral as they come, and the moment Kirishima recognizes it’s fear he felt crawling up his spine that day, he makes it his personal mission to face it head-on until it’s gone.”

(Or: Being friends with Bakugou Katsuki is anything but a linear experience. Kirishima Eijirou would have it no other way.)

Tags: Kirishima POV, Developing Friendships, Domestic Fluff, Bakusquad, An Extended Scene About The Joys And Pains of Dyeing Hair

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. No additional content warnings apply. Chapter 8. Chapter 9.

***

⚡💖⛰️🎸📼

You have added Best Bakubro 💣💥!

You have changed the name from “⚡💖⛰️🎸📼” to “⚡💖💣⛰️🎸📼”!

hehehe we’re all set (sent 12:10)

welcome baku!! 💪🏻 (sent 12:10)

- 

God 💡: 👀 (received 12:11)

Simply Mina: 👀👀 (received 12:11)

MT Tape: 👀 (received 12:11)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: shitty hair (received 12:13)

- 

you promised!!! (sent 12:13)

no take backs 👀 (sent 12:13)

- 

Best Bakubro 💣💥: fuck (received 12:13)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: okay two things (received 12:13)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: one i’m muting this so @ me or fuck off (received 12:14)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: two give me your names (received 12:14)

God 💡: wait srsly?? (received 12:15)

God 💡: c’mon bro it’s been months :( (received 12:15)

Simply Mina: yea wth blasty that’s so cold :(( (received 12:15)

MT Tape: answer the people explosion man @Best Bakubro 💣💥 (received 12:17)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: fine you’re staying random numbers then (received 12:18)

God 💡: OH (received 12:18)

God 💡: kaminari denki here!! (received 12:18)

MT Tape: this is sero 🙏🏻 (received 12:18)

Simply Mina: mina!!! (received 12:19)

Simply Mina: @Guitar Hero is kyoka 💖 (received 12:19)

* 

Best Bakubro 💣💥

who? (received 12:19)

-

jirou!! (sent 12:19)

-

? (received 12:19)

-

🔌 (sent 12:20)

-

ah (received 12:20)

* 

⚡💖💣⛰️🎸📼

Best Bakubro 💣💥: k (received 12:20)

God 💡: anyways (received 12:22)

God 💡: this is the best day of my life (received 12:22)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: shut it jolteon (received 12:22)

God 💡: dude i didn’t even @ u asdfkjsfk (received 12:22)

God 💡: wait omg is that an upgrade?? (received 12:23)

God 💡: did i get upgraded from pikachu to jolteon omg omg (received 12:23)

MT Tape: DIBS ON UMBREON (received 12:23)

MT Tape: we’re picking eeveelutions right? (received 12:23)

-

!!!! pls pls flareon pls!!! (sent 12:24)

-

Simply Mina: espeon or sylveon (received 12:24)

Simply Mina: espeon or sylveon??? (received 12:25)

Simply Mina: GUYS (received 12:25)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: this is a nightmare (received 12:25)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: and wtf espeon of course (received 12:26)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: better stats and none of that affection shit (received 12:26)

Simply Mina: the council has spoken (received 12:26)

-

what about flareon??? (sent 12:27)

plsplspls (sent 12:27)

-

Best Bakubro 💣💥: kirishima (received 12:27)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: it’s red. (received 12:28)

-

HELL YEAH ❤️ (sent 12:28)

-

Guitar Hero: hi what the HELL are you guys spamming about (received 12:30)

Guitar Hero: oh hey bakugou (received 12:30)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: plugs you’re glaceon (received 12:31)

Guitar Hero: i’m cool with that (received 12:31)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: good (received 12:31)

MT Tape: ok kiri i think i get it now (received 12:34)

MT Tape: putting every decision thru the baku filter is so much more fun (received 12:34)

- 

right??? (sent 12:34)

-

Best Bakubro 💣💥: don’t fucking start (received 12:35)

Simply Mina: too late <3 (received 12:35)

God 💡: our trap card activated the moment you stepped into this chat man (received 12:36)

MT Tape: Bakugou Katsuki has been designated Chief Executive Brain (CEB) of the squad, effective immediately. (received 12:36)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: i’m leaving (received 12:37)

-

:( (sent 12:37)

-

MT Tape: … 👀 (received 12:40)

MT Tape: he ain’t leaving huh? (received 12:44)

God 💡: kiri’s puppy eyes once again confirmed as world’s strongest force (received 12:45)

Simply Mina: it’s kiri so we’re all safe tho <3 (received 12:45)

-

<3 (sent 12:45)

-

Best Bakubro 💣💥: for the record i hate all of you (received 12:46)

*

⚡💖💣⛰️🎸📼

Simply Mina: hey hey blasty (received 14:48)

Simply Mina: which eeveelution are you? (received 14:48)

Simply Mina: @Best Bakubro 💣💥 (received 14:50)

God 💡: 👀👀 (received 14:50)

- 

👀 (sent 14:50)

-

MT Tape: 👀 (received 14:51)

Guitar Hero: ^ what they said (received 14:53)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: eevee, duh (received 14:56)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: i don’t need a type advantage to win (received 14:56)

-

😭 bro so manly (sent 14:56)

also (sent 14:57)

You have changed the name from “⚡💖💣⛰️🎸📼” to “🦊 Eevee Squad 🦊”!

-

Best Bakubro 💣💥: fucking fantastic. can we shut up now? (received 15:00)

*

Best Bakubro 💣💥

see? told u it’s fun 💪🏻 (sent 15:01)

-

i guess (received 15:02)

-

like i said u can just ignore the chat if ur not feeling it (sent 15:10)

they’re cool, they won’t mind (sent 15:10)

+ i’ll text u stuff directly if it’s important (sent 15:12)

-

kiri (received 15:12)

-

ok ok hhh just saying (sent 15:12)

- 

i know (received 15:13)

you got that shit for ectoplasm yet? (received 15:17)

-

ummm (sent 15:17)

-

fucking knew it (received 15:17)

you coming or what? (received 15:22)

-

!!! o7 (sent 15:22)

*

Bakugou is staring.

Eyes on the page, Kirishima tries to focus on the function he’s been struggling to get for fifteen minutes now. Something about tangents and right angles? No, cotangents, which is different from a non-cotangent tangent because–

Bakugou has stopped writing a while ago, the fabric-covered pen resting loosely in his hand, his head propped up on a fist.

–the cosine does… something with the sine of X. Division? Maybe? X pops up in a bunch of places, actually, and Kirishima longs for the days math still featured numbers and not whatever nonsense this cos-sin-tan stuff is–

Bakugou is staring right at him, has been for ages now and Kirishima can’t help it. He looks up, only to catch Bakugou looking away, and huffs a nervous chuckle.

“Bro, c’mon. What’s up? Is there something on my face ‘cause you’ve been–”

“It’s black.” There’s a pensive twist to Bakugou’s brow. He breezes through the part of the problem Kirishima’s stuck on like it’s nothing, scribbled down in permanent ink like the monster he is. “Your natural haircolor. It’s black, right?”

“Uh, yeah?”

Kirishima picks his head up from where he’s slumped across Bakugou’s desk, the bean bag he’s sitting on shifting under his butt. Since when does Bakugou care about his hair? It hasn’t been black for over a year, anyways, so what does that have to do with…

“Wait, why do you–”

Bakugou’s eyes wander back to him, landing on Kirishima’s hair for barely a second but it’s enough. With a mortified noise, Kirishima slaps both his hands over his forehead – or more specifically, his roots.

Because Kirishima completely forgot he’s overdue on a redye for a good week and styled his hair as he usually does: gel evenly spread into carefully towel-dried strands, quirk on until it dries, done. He hadn’t looked into a mirror before heading to class or he would’ve seen his tips straying from cherry red to berry pink.

And that jet-black line where it’s growing back out. The roots that are the bane of Kirishima’s existence and that Bakugou saw.

Kirishima groans, curling into himself until his head hits wood with a dull donk. “How bad is it? Don’t spare me, bro, I need to know.”

That rhymes, the part of his brain not burning in the hellfire of shame chimes in. Kirishima firmly tells it to shut up.

“Your hair?”, Bakugou asks from an unknown realm beyond the bit of desk Kirishima’s staring at, a beat late. Probably to treat him to a glare he can’t see.

Kirishima rubs his forehead across his math homework in a miserable nod.

“It’s not more or less shitty than usual, Shitty Hair.” Bakugou scoffs. “What’s the big deal?”

“Oh, nothing”, Kirishima shrugs, his voice a fake-cheerful mumble, “Just that I’ve been walking around like this all day. A whole ass day. Kill me, now.”

“Nah. Wasn’t the idea to ‘die like a man in chivalrous battle’?”

Kirishima shoots him a dirty look. Bakugou doesn’t even bat an eye; he flashes his teeth in a bright smile and knocks his fists against each other, whispering “manly” under his breath and okay, why does Bakugou have to be good at everything, including impersonating Kirishima?

“I hate you”, grumbles Kirishima. Bakugou breaks character to cackle, only stopping after Kirishima balls up his pitiful attempt at math to throw it at his head. Bull’s eye, right on the forehead.

“Oi! That’s your homework, moron.”

“You started it”, Kirishima points at him with his pencil. His notepad is pulled closer with a deep, long sigh. “Now I gotta do this stuff again and stress about my hair. Amazing.”

Ah, the God-help-me eyeroll. It’s been a while. “Just go fucking dye it and come back if it bothers you so much. Can’t be that hard.”

“Says the blond guy”, Kirishima huffs. “Dude, do you even know how long getting rid of this” – a gesture to his roots – “takes? Black hair is a pain to bleach. Literally.”

Bakugou considers his hair with a frown. “…How long are we talking here? Like, an hour?”

A laugh, louder than Kirishima intends. “Try three. Sometimes more, it depends.”

“Three hours?!”

“Or more.”

A little smug, Kirishima watches disbelief bloom on Bakugou’s face. When it comes to this, destroying the innocence of the uninitiated is the only joy he’s got. There’s really nothing fun about sitting through those hours every six weeks, give or take – just plain, boring routine. At least he isn’t anxious about making mistakes anymore, not like his first few times.

It’s definitely worth it, though. Kirishima loves his red hair.

“And it, what. It hurts?”

Bakugou is still processing it seems, a hand going to his own hair. (It looks so soft, that even light color Kirishima has envied since the beginning of time. Such a nice base for any type of dye, especially bright ones or pastels.)

Kirishima scrunches his nose. “The developer does, yeah. Anything over 9% makes your scalp burn like crazy so I stick to 9% and do multiple rounds. I can’t go light enough for the red I want, otherwise.”

“And then the dye?”

“Then you dye it, yeah. Roots first, then the lengths in small strands, let it sit for twenty more minutes or so, rinse it out and then you’re done.”

It’s weird to explain things that have become totally obvious to him step by step, but Bakugou looks strangely fascinated by what he’s hearing. He does likes things to be more complicated than simple in basically any regard, Kirishima muses with a private snicker. Perhaps it’s not that surprising, after all.

“I use pure red on everything but you can mix colors, too, there’s a whole science behind that. And if you decide ‘Hey, I haven’t suffered enough!’, you can do individual highlights as well. But that’s a production all in itself! Ask Kami, he does some wild things to get that lightning bolt just right.”

Bakugou slowly shakes his head. “You people are crazy. That can’t be worth it.” He squints at Kirishima, hums to himself and starts nodding, instead. Vaguely terrified of what’s brewing in that brain of his, Kirishima waits for him to finish thinking.

“Let’s do it.”

There it is, a suitably terrible idea. Also: What?

“Color or highlights?” Kirishima sputters. “Wait, you or me? Bro, I can live with my own mistakes but dyeing your hair is too much pressure. Like, I’ll do it if you really want me to but, um–”

“Color. And you, obviously. Who of us is freaking out about hair, huh? Sure as fuck ain’t me.”

I’m not freaking out about it, Kirishima wants to say. Okay, he had been freaking out a little. Maybe. Not anymore, not with the mental image of Bakugou with Riot-red hair sort of making his braincells implode.

It’s impossible to imagine. Kirishima tries to anyways, fails, shakes his head. Focus!

“But…”

He draws a blank. Actually, Bakugou helping him with his hair does sound kind of fun. Until his patience inevitably runs out and he explodes the pot of dye, or something. Which could be hilarious, too.

“…Homework?”

(Not that he particularly wants to go back to puzzling over non-tangent cotangents – Ectoplasm always seems to know when he didn’t do the thing, though, and Kirishima hates disappointing his teachers more than he does the variable X.)

Bakugou sparks off in his direction. “We got three hours. 'nuff said.” He snatches up the math book they were sharing, Kirishima’s notepad and even the pencil out of his hand, and is out the room before Kirishima has fully registered they’re doing this.

“Shitty Hair!”

Kirishima jumps to his feet.

“Coming!”

*

“This is so damn messy. How’s your bathroom not stained to hell already?”

Coming up on their third round over his bathroom sink, Kirishima feels little sleepy as he blinks up at Bakugou. That expression of intense concentration hasn’t budged all three rounds, Bakugou’s hands steady yet gentle where they’re starting to dab red dye over freshly bleached roots.

There’s a dot of crimson on his cheek already. After forcing gloves on Bakugou and explaining to him how red pigment is the hardest to wash out – on clothes, skin, hair, wherever it lands – Kirishima isn’t inclined to point it out to him just yet.

“I asked admin about it. They said everything in our rooms is practically indestructible, including the sinks.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah, right? They thought of everything, it seems.”

Bakugou continues. Kirishima dozes.

“Your hair is dry as fuck, by the way.”

Kirishima shrugs with his eyes closed, following the nudge to turn his head so Bakugou can get to the back. This is so much more comfortable than doing it by himself.

“Can’t be helped, man. The dye by itself is fine, actually, it’s the bleach that’s causes most of the damage. Oh well, with the gel it’s hard as concrete, anyways.”

“Mhmm. You’ll go bald by the time we’re outta here.”

“Hey!”

“Bald Hero: Red Riot”, Bakugou muses out loud, easily evading the kick Kirishima blindly aims at his shin. “Stop it, you’re gonna fuck up my hard work here.”

He’s smiling though, Kirishima can tell. It’s all in his voice, roughness replaced by warmth when it’s the two of them in Kirishima’s tiny bathroom.

“Stop dissing my hair, then. Besides, I know your secret.”

This Kirishima wants to see. He opens one eye and yup, Bakugou’s brows are doing the thing where they twitch and pull together. Not exactly a frown, more caught off guard than anything. Bakugou’s lips press shut, stubbornly silent as he brushes dye on every inch of Kirishima's hair.

Then: “I’m done. What am I s’posed to do with this shit?”

Kirishima glances at the pot Bakugou holds out to him. There’s still some of the thick liquid left.

“Just pour it on top. Can’t hurt and it’s better than throwing it away.”

Bakugou does exactly that. He tosses the empty pot and the thoroughly stained brush into the sink. Kirishima helps him wrap his hair in cellophane and a towel to reduce the possible mess, relocating to the closed lid of his toilet so Bakugou can take off the gloves and wash his hands.

“Okay, I’ll fucking bite. What secret?”

Lingering on the tension between them, Kirishima grins with all the confidence in the world. “That you like my hair.”

Bakugou barks a laugh. “After I went all Van Gogh on it? You better believe it’s good.”

“Nope, I mean before that”, Kirishima challenges.

“Proof?”, Bakugou shoots back without hesitation.

“Oh, I can give you proof.” Kirishima’s arms cross over the ratty shirt he always wears for this, its fabric dotted and streaked in interlacing shades of red. “One, it’s the first thing you noticed about me, hence ‘Shitty Hair’. Two, you were distracted by my roots growing in so you pay attention to how it looks–”

“I don’t–”

“–and three, you just spent hours dyeing it for me.”

Bakugou’s mouth snaps shut. He growls in his throat, grabbing an additional towel and drying his hands. Kirishima wasn’t aware those are actions that can be done aggressively but hey, he’s learning something new every day.

“Maybe”, Bakugou finally concedes. The towel is thrown in Kirishima’s face when all he does is smile. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

Bakugou’s cheeks are dusted pink. Still, Kirishima shows the guy some mercy: Bakugou spent all afternoon fixing both his hair and his math homework, after all.

“Hey, Baku?”

“… What?”

“Thanks, man. You’re a good friend, you know that?”

Somehow, that makes Bakugou look even more flustered. “Whatever, Shitty Hair.”

Because Bakugou is Bakugou, namely a man who doesn’t know when or how to quit, he sticks around until Kirishima can rinse out the dye. He emerges from the shower feeling fully restored, a towel wrapped around his waist and his shirt draped over his shoulder.

“And that’s how you do it.”

Bakugou throws him a look from his sprawl on Kirishima’s bed, manga in hand. His gaze flicks to his hair immediately; his lips twist upwards, obviously satisfied.

“Told ya, it ain’t hard.”

Kirishima chuckles, shakes his head. “You’re so full of shit, dude.”

Now that the hair situation is under control for a few weeks, he realizes how hungry he is. The evening has barely begun, too, which means there’s time for a movie before Bakugou’s ridiculous sleep schedule comes a-knocking, either taking him out or making him cranky. Each scenario has about a fifty-fifty chance of happening.

“Hey, you wanna–”

Out of nowhere, his door bursts open to reveal one Kaminari Denki, out of breath and clutching a very familiar book to his chest.

“Kiri! Please tell me you guys figured out the–”

His eyes fall first on the splattered shirt on Kirishima’s shoulder, the trails of watery red dripping from his hair to his naked chest – and then on Bakugou, hands stained a faint red despite the gloves, that smear of color on his cheek Kirishima forgot to tell him about still very much there.

“Is that blood? What happened? Oh my–” Kaminari gasps. “Did you kill somebody?! Oh fuck, we have to hide the bo–”

“Kami”, Kirishima tries between bouts of laughter, “No, what the hell!”

A familiar cackle behind him does absolutely nothing to help their case.

>>Chapter 8.

[barrybluejeansandbestjeanist]

Notes on the Artemis Fowl movie by yours truly.

Bear in mind I wrote these while watching the movie. There’s a lot of them.

1. If you think the police and/or reporters would ever be anywhere near fowl manor you’re wrong.

2. Mulch isn’t bad so far but he’d never be caught by police. 

3. Is our first introduction to Artemis him running? I think not thank you very much. 

4. Plus it looks like he’s going to do some water sport. Also wrong.

5. Surfing!!??!!?

6. Artemis doesn’t have even close to the coordination to do that.

7. I don’t even think he knows how to swim. 

8. He doesn’t love Ireland.

9. Of course he doesn’t love school! Have you seen his teachers’ remarks on him? They aren’t nice.

10. It was a boys-only school but that’s definitely one of the smaller offenses.

11. He did do the chess thing if I recall correctly.

12. Same for the opera house.

13. He didn’t clone a goat or name anything Bruce.

14. Unusual is an understatement. 

15. Dr. Po?!

16. Fake chair! Yeah!

17. That exchange from the Arctic incident wasn’t a bad choice to include. Too early though I think. We’ll see how the rest of the movie goes. 

18. He’s got blue eyes. At least there’s that.

19. He doesn’t have a biography!

20. His mom isn’t dead! Disney is just scared of showing mental illness.

21. If you think Angelina Fowl can’t control Artemis you’re wrong. She calls him Arty for god’s sake. He loves his mom.

22. Mysterious absences my ass. He’s the one that should be presumed dead.

23. “This is a sensitive area doctor” sure.

24. Fake chair ftw. 

25. The burden of his father’s name?! He’s proud of that name.

26. This scene wasn’t so bad. We’ll see how the rest of the movie fairs.

27. Who does he think he is? He Artemis freaking Fowl!

28. Skateboarding! I’m about to have an aneurysm.

29. Also, why is he wearing jeans? Get this man a suit!

30. He did not like being at home with his dad. Not in the first book anyway. His parent being out of the way allowed him to do what he did.

31. His dad’s actor looks good for the part.

32. His father is a criminal. World-famous. He did not just deal with antiques and rarities.

33. His dad also didn’t care for fairytales.

34. Music’s nice I guess. 

35. Why is arty wearing a hoodie?! He would never!

36. Artemis was not taught about fairies. He discovered them himself with basically no help.

37. So much physical contact between Artemis sr. and jr. No.

38. His dad did not believe in any such legends.

39. They shared only a passion for crime and that didn’t even last.

40. He wasn’t determined about any such thing. See point 36.

41. He wasn’t preparing Artemis for anything like that.

42. Fairy stones? What are those?

43. There was no peace made between humans and fairies.

44. Tuatha De Danaan? What is that?

45. Artemis would want to get to the point I guess.

46. His work was not coming to an end. What is going on? Can we meet Holly soon?

47. I’m ten minutes in and suffering.

48. Artemis wasn’t really one to smile unless things were going his way.

49. You are a child! You are still a kid! You’re like a literal baby still!

50. The whole point of him being 12 in the books was that he could still believe in magic as well as science. Wtf is going on?

51. I do know the Hill of Tara.

52. I take issue with “all I really want is to believe in you” but I don’t have time to get into it here.

53. He’s still wearing a hoodie. >:(

54. Hugging his dad. No.

55. I will accept the helicopter on the front lawn if only because it seems one thing that could’ve happened in the books. 

56. Where are the Butlers? Why are neither of the fowls being guarded? I need more Juliet and Butler in this movie NOW.

57. And Holly.

58. Pretty sure they don’t have a lighthouse. Also, pretty sure fowl manor wasn’t next to the ocean.

59. Might’ve been near a Forrest. I don’t quite remember.

60. Legos?! LEGOS?!??!!

61. Also, star wars? I don’t think Artemis has ever seen a sci-fi movie. He’s too busy making them a reality.

62. Artemis would also not sleep with a book.

63. Why did Butler’s name in the subtitles appear as Domovoi? You know there’s a whole thing about his name and why Arty doesn’t know it right?

64. So his dad disappeared. Not bad. A little late but okay.

65. Everyone has already aired their grievances about Butlers actor so I shall refrain from doing so as well. I’ll just say one word and leave it at that. Eurasian.

66. Also, fowl manor doesn’t look bad. I can accept this house.

67. No no no. No one should be calling him Domovoi. Only Butler.

68. Also, that isn’t the training he had.

69. He is the butler though? I mean. Only sort of but like. ???

70. No. You could not call him Dom or Domovoi. 

71. Very large man in a suit is slightly acceptable.

72. He could totally snap you in half but not without good reason. Come on, guys. He’s a nice guy. Scary, but nice.

73. Like, the dude cooks and gardens and whatnot. How is that not nice?

74. Also, I’m still hung up on the goat thing. Like I don’t deny that he could clone a goat but why on earth would he name it Bruce. Is it a Batman reference or something? I don’t understand this movie.

75. World wide manhunt? Pardon my doubt.

76. Superyacht? Owl star?

77. I get it. It’s a stupid pun.

78. I guess the South China Sea is close enough to Russia.

79. Again. Not an antiquities dealer.

80. Robberies? He ran a criminal empire!

81. Not sure how one would go about stealing the Rosetta Stone or why but sure.

82. I’ve never even heard of Boru’s Harp.

83. Nor the book of kells.

84. Why are you calling Butler Dom???

85. Yes! He is a criminal mastermind! Thank you for slightly acknowledging that!

86. Also, Artemis is not that rash.

87. He’s your dad and a criminal.

88. Why must Disney do this to my boy? He was an incredible character, smart, cunning, and a criminal and now he’s just a sort of smart kid. Lame.

89. I swear if this “raspy voice” is opal I will be so disappointed.

90. What is this? Artemis is supposed to be kidnapping fairies, not the other way around!

91. What is this Aculos and why should I care about it?

92. Also, why isn’t it Christmas? You could at least set it in winter. For crying out loud.

93. That isn’t word for word Artemis. I know you can remember it exactly.

94. I’m starting to think Orion is better than this fool.

95. Why is he wearing a hoodie?!??!???!

96. Just going to have a secret basement full of whatever secret stuff shoved in there because of course.

97. Also. As if butler would know about any of this.

98. Bunch of bottles of water. Okay.

99. ‘Cause Artemis Sr. totally knew about the fairies. 

100. This is a stupid basement.

101. I’m so done with this.

102. Ah yes! An important journal! Predictable.

103. Stupid poem. Stupid way of finding the journal.

104. That was opal I see. I’m dying.

105. Beechwood. Isn’t that guy related to Holly or something? Also, not from the books.

106. Yes, Arty fairies exist. Surprising no one.

107. I like how they made the city look I suppose. And they kept the name the same. Of course, it must be noted that not all fairies live in haven. There are other cities.

108. Why is holly a baby? She shouldn’t look like a child. Also, tons of people have already spoken on holly’s appearance as well so I won’t say anymore.

109. Koboi mentioned. It was totally opal.

110. The fairies don’t look bad either. Though I don’t know if the little things are supposed to be goblins or what?

111. I guess not. These goblins also seem way too smart.

112. “You and I would make a great team” foreshadowing.

113. I do think mulch being taller is kinda funny.

114. Briar Cudgeon looks about how I expected. Do you think he’ll get his face melted?

115. Opal and Cudgeon working together. Unsurprising if a bit early.

116. You spy or you die. The CIA’s motto.

117. L.E.P. Recon. Nice.

118. I’m also not going to address the changing of roots gender and the fact that Holly is supposed to be the first female officer because again, many people have spoken at length about that. Still upset though.

119. Kelp and Verbil are around I see.

120. What is the Aculos? Like I get that it’s a weapon by why should I care?

121. Also, I think Root should be smoking.

122. Holly’s father? Why should he matter or even be a part of this?

123. They kept Holly 84. Good.

124. Reinforcements? Juliet?!!!!

125. She’s 12? She’s supposed to be sixteen! No!

126. Niece!!!! She’s supposed to be his sister.

127. Also, screw Disney for changing the fairy alphabet so we can’t read it.

128. Artemis should be able to decode it though. He’s not much of a genius, is he?

129. Foals needs a tinfoil hat and should look way way nerdier.

130. Troll! Time! Yeah!

131. Yeah! Lava chutes!

132. Foaly’s CGI is a little wonky but whatever.

133. So that’s why Holly’s father is important. Stupid.

134. The executors. You mean the council.

135. Don’t just fly over the surface unshielded, you dolt!

136. Butler your camouflage sucks ass.

137. Butler wouldn’t complain.

138. Butler’s eyes are freaking me out. No one’s eyes look like that.

139. The LEP helmets are stupid looking.

140. That isn’t what a troll looks like. Stop it, Disney.

141. Time Stop. Not a time freeze.

142. The magic looks cool.

143. That’s not how a time stop works. But at least it looks cool.

144. I suppose I can accept that’s how they do mind wipes.

145. “This is a strange wedding” is the best joke so far.

146. Why are none of the fairies shielded?

147. Holly has such boring motivation.

148. You shouldn’t just read your dad’s journal Arty. It’s rude.

149. I’m so over arty’s dad already knowing about the fairies as well as this beechwood fellow.

150. Why does this Aculos exist? If it’s so dangerous, why not get rid of it?

151. Opal Koboi. Finally. 

152. Like Arty would ever dress like that. He’d still be wearing a suit and be spotless.

153. “They’re real.” No kidding!

154. Fox!

155. I’m surprised they included trying and succeeding to shoot holly.

156. Kinda wish they’d kept the bury an acorn to get magic thing but small fish and all.

157. Now it’s starting to remind me of the real Artemis Fowl story.

158. Cudgeon is slimy and annoying and I’m here for it.

159. That’s a shitty looking cage.

160. “Not happy” I wonder why?

161. Reflective glasses! Yes! Give me the fowl crew in cringey reflective sunglasses.

162. The Mesmer is done nicely. Love Juliet’s glasses.

163. A flannel and reflective sunglasses. That classic Artemis fowl look.

164. So he did decode their language.

165. The acting isn’t terrible. 

166. Most humans are afraid of gluten how do you think they’d handle goblins is a good line.

167. Again. Not how time stops work but okay.

168. So let me get this right. Instead of the fairy bible which Artemis poisoned a fairy to get they just replaced it with his dad‘s journal. great.

169. Don’t give Artemis a weapon! He’s gonna cut his own arm off!

170. The time freeze does look cool though.

171. I can appreciate them gathering on the beach. That’s kinda cool.

172. Finally a suit! Get this kid properly clothed!

173. Though that tie is a little sus. Why’s it so skinny?

174. That fight scene wasn’t too bad. Again Arty is definitely not supposed to be good at anything physical but it’s whatever.

175. Flair for the dramatic? This is hardly as dramatic as the book.

176. I hate opal’s voice.

177. Waged war on your people? That was 10,000 years ago!

178. Opal’s motives are also super boring.

179. I’m sad we don’t get to see arty practicing his evil smile in the mirror.

180. In one of those pots. From under the rainbow. Fun.

181. Glad they kept the whole while I’m alive stipulation. 

182. Glad to see the goblins still have fire powers.

183. These goblins really shouldn’t be so smart.

184. I hope we get to see mulch unhinge his jaw soon.

185. I do like mulch.

186. This heart to heart is stupid. Artemis wouldn’t trust holly just like that me thinks.

187. I like that mulch is up on all the human pop culture. I do wish he’d make a Gordon Ramsey reference though since he likes him.

188. Mulch not wanting to be tall is excellent character motivation though.

189. Now this is the heart to heart I needed.

190. Is he gonna unhinge his jaw?! I’ve been waiting for this the whole time!

191. Yeah!!!!!!

192. Eat that dirt!

193. Mulch!

194. “What would your parents be?”

195. A really really big dwarf.

196. Sick safe. Nothing mulch can’t handle.

197. That definitely isn’t what I expected from mulch’s hair but that’s okay.

198. Yeah! Holly punched Artemis! Now there just needs to be a lollipop remark.

199. Is that the Aculos? It looks stupid.

200. Also, I do appreciate the inclusion of the iris cam.

201. Opal, you’re so boring.

202. Cudgeon is taking over. Kinda wish it was of his own will because that’s more interesting but whatever.

203. Troll time part two. I doubt butler is going to almost die fighting it. Maybe he’ll wear a suit of armor though. That’d be cool.

204. How is it we’re an hour in and only just now get a d’arvit? Surely many other scenes warranted that.

205. I do like that mulch pickpocketed butler.

206. Don’t just stand in front of the door when A Troll is about to be sent in!

207. The wings do look really cool though.

208. Also, Juliet really shouldn’t be trying to fight a troll.

209. I mean. None of them should but you know.

210. Mulch eating the Aculos is very in character. I’m glad Artemis’s bedroom is being destroyed. It was terrible.

211. While I don’t care for the way the troll looks (Far too human, not enough claws and venom) the amount of destruction it’s causing is appropriate I feel.

212. I guess that’s how the fight can go. 

213. Also, Juliet is so smart and strong yet she can’t pull herself over a ledge? Pathetic.

214. Don’t move butler to a completely different room! He’s got a back injury! You probably just made it worse!

215. Butler isn’t going to die. This is stupid. 

216. Trouble doing the lords work. 

217. I told you butler would be fine.

218. One of the times Butler would nearly die. If we’re following the books then more should follow.

219. Also what is this room they’re in?

220. Butler would not be ashamed to cry.

221. I’m living for everyone’s reactions to where mulch stored the Aculos.

222. I like the way it looks when they get grabbed by the time stop. 

223. She’s gonna save Artemis. Obviously.

224. I like the way it looked when the time stop broke.

225. “Breaking every rule in the book” we haven’t even seen your book! Just his dad’s stupid journal.

226. He and holly should not be friends yet. He kidnapped her!

227. Ooh, forever friends how sweet! Get fucked. Both of you.

228. Now are we in Russia?

229. Opal annoys me so much.

230. So are you trying to tell me that this Aculos is the movie’s version of the book? Holly’s saying that poem.

231. This isn’t how magic is supposed to work.

232. >:(

233. I will admit it looked cool. Begrudgingly.

234. Your dad isn’t dead.

235. He’s in the secret basement that still exists for some reason.

236. Also, I didn’t note this before, but I doubt Arty ever called his dad, dad.

237. Opal is thwarted. 

238. Why she so ugly looking? Pretty sure she was supposed to be pretty.

239. This is so stupid.

240. Opals accomplices, you mean those two dunderheads she had helping her?

241. How are there still fifteen minutes of this torture left?!

242. Again. Butler would not be ashamed to cry.

243. Just wait until Artemis gets magic of his own.

244. I’m so tired. It’s 12:14 at night and I just want this torture to end. Please god just let the credits roll already!

245. And now they’re famous. Whoop de do. Just tell us how mulch gets captured and escapes and end the movie. That’s all I ask.

246. You know he hasn’t been referred to as Artemis Fowl the Second throughout this whole disaster. What a slight to him.

247. Ray bans.

248. Oh yeah. Brag to opal. Great idea. 

249. Criminal mastermind. Juvenile Genius. Same difference.

250. Why is his tie so skinny? 

251. Is he gonna fly the helicopter?! Finally something in character!

252. Now just let mulch escape and finish this godforsaken nightmare!

253. Fowls? Protecting us? Pardon me while I laugh.

254. They do the unhinging of mulch’s jaw nicely.

255. And now they mission impossible him out of there. Perfect.

256. I’m dying. Let it be over. Please.

257. No more!

258. Fly off into the sunset. Of course.

259. Thank god! Credits! I’m free!

260. And another thing! They didn’t have the follow-up scene with Dr. Po! That would’ve been a way better ending! And you can’t just have one scene without the other!

[lightsandlostbells]

wtFOCK season 3, episode 3 reaction

In this episode, Sander shows up 15 minutes late with croques (I know this joke has to have been made before, sorry)

Just adding again that if you are looking for an all-positive review of this show, this is not it. Please don’t read if you would prefer not to hear negative takes.

Episode 3

Clip 1 - Robbe on the beach

Robbe is sharing a bed with Noor. He’s doing some good physical acting because even just lying there, I can tell how stiff and uncomfortable he is. He wakes up and looks bummed. It’s pretty early and he’s on vacation so you know he really doesn’t want to be spooning with a girl if he’s getting out of bed right now.

Gotta say the detail of Aaron’s ass being half-exposed in his sleep is a detail that made me lol.

Robbe goes to the beach and listens to music. He types a text to his mom that he can’t make it to see her this week because he’s at the seaside, (because he’s supposedly doing a school project with Jen, lmao) but then he deletes it. So perhaps he is feeling guilt over not visiting, or he’s just got mixed feelings and wants to distance himself from his family situation right now.

Clip 2 - FINALLY

Robbe goes back to the house and sees a mysterious dude. It’s only been like 20 minutes since Robbe left the house, so this guy must have just arrived. Don’t know why they didn’t just combine these clips, especially since it would’ve been a nice contrast to get Robbe moody and alone vs. the jolt he receives with a cute boy’s arrival within one clip.

The important thing is that we finally meet the Even of this season, who I’ve been pretending I didn’t know is called Sander. I’m going to repeat what dozens of other people have said and say yes, this is Jack Frost from that one movie in live-action form. 

Sander does a bit where he roasts Robbe about not having breakfast ready and he expected it when he made a reservation; Robbe acts half-amused, half-confused as fuck, as if part of him recognizes it as a windup but he also doesn’t know who this dude is, so maybe he could be for real?

Afterwards Sander is like, let’s go bitch, we’re grabbing breakfast, and he introduces himself. Robbe is still flabbergasted but he follows Sander out the door anyway, possibly compelled by Sander’s charisma, possibly just swayed by a hot guy. He has no idea how important this meeting is in the grand scheme of things. Robbe, your story is finally starting in episode 3!

OK, I like Sander’s intro! It’s in line with Even’s paper towel trick. Sander is getting Robbe’s attention with a dramatic introduction. He made sure to make a memorable first impression. It works not just for Robbe, but for me as a viewer as well. And I like that Robbe was caught off-guard like Isak was and they didn’t instantly fall into banter or anything, because let’s be real, if some strange dude showed up in your kitchen and started talking to you like this, you would be pretty WTF no matter how nice his face is. 

I am not sure if this show will do the thing where Sander has been pining after Robbe for a while before this meeting - we have seen glimpses of Sander so it seems as if he’s seen Robbe before, but if he’s not from the same school as I think is the case, then I wonder how much he really could have developed feelings for Robbe? Even saw Isak the first day of school, so it’s easy to understand that he developed a crush in the time between that and S3 just by seeing Isak doing his thing at school regularly, and he had plenty of time to learn who Isak was. With Sander, it seems like he just saw Robbe randomly, and that makes sense for “hmm, a cute guy” but not really this giant crush on Robbe as a person. 

This is why it would have been good to actually show what Robbe did or made in the graffiti scene, because it would make sense if Robbe drew something that would have intrigued Sander.

Anyway, the larger point is that this scene does make sense if you consider that Sander was waiting for Robbe and this was a planned intro. I assume there is some way that he found out Robbe would be here this weekend. If this is not something Sander expected, then it’s pretty impulsive of him. Though I can totally buy him winging the booking.com bit if that’s his personality. But it makes more sense to me at the moment to imagine that Sander knew Robbe was coming.

Clip 3 - Robbe and Sander at the store

Robbe and Sander are grocery shopping. Sander quickly establishes himself as having an outspoken, confident personality. I do like how instantly his vibe comes across, which is helpful since we’re making up for lost time.

Sander asking Robbe how many hot dogs one eats has some G-rated “Even immediately starts talking about blowjobs” energy. Or maybe it’s just a coincidence and they really are just talking about food, but like. It’s an Even. 

Amber sends them the shopping list full of normal grocery items. Sander is like NOPE, not getting that. Well I hope no one has any dietary restrictions they need to follow, lmao.

Robbe asks Sander how he knows Amber, but Sander gets distracted by the song over the loudspeakers so he doesn’t have to disclose the truth yet. The song is by “Rebel Rebel” by David Bowie. He asks Robbe if he’s a fan and Robbe is like “yeah!” but Sander challenges him to name three of his songs and Robbe is a flop. Again, I do like how forcefully Sander comes across, his personality is evident.

I have to say: out of all the remake Evens, he’s the one who most immediately comes across as a magnetic personality. Granted, he seems to have a very similar vibe to Even whereas some remake Evens have rather different personalities from the original recipe. But Sander does come across as someone you’d meet (or Robbe would meet) and be a little smitten and swept off your feet right away. 

David Bowie is also a good choice for an Even’s musical taste, especially because of Bowie’s sexuality. I guess you could say it’s pretty on the nose, but it still works for me. I don’t know a ton about the origins of Rebel Rebel but it references gender fluidity and sexuality, so it’s feels fitting for an LGBT-centered season.

As a diehard Ronan/Adam shipper (they’re my OTP of OTPs besides Evak) this scene of Sander pushing Robbe on the cart in the store is calculated to appeal to me. Pynch peeps, you know what I’m talking about. /finger guns

As a personal tangent, I also think grocery shopping is one of the best things you can do on a first date to know if you’re compatible with someone. I have been grocery shopping with people who were dull and no fun, and I have been grocery shopping where it’s an adventure in itself. I strongly believe that you can have fun with the right person in even the most mundane situations. 

Back to Robbe/Sander: this part’s really cute! It gives us a sense of who Sander is and it shows them having fun together. They have a comfortable chemistry and I think Robbe’s vibe in this scene hits the right notes of being starstruck and a little over his head, but acclimating to Sander’s OTT personality and being able to relax and have a good time. He’s certainly having more fun than he expected when he woke up this morning. 

The spinning and eventual slow-mo moment to Rebel Rebel! Great! Super effective at catching that feeling of holy shit, sudden butterflies in my stomach? I can’t look away from this person? I think I have a crush?  

Sander scanning Robbe and saying it’s expensive = lmao, genuinely funny.

And I do like the idea of Sander pushing Robbe and it being chaotic and messy as a way to visualize/signify the arrival of him in Robbe’s life as a way to shake it upside down. (Although, lol, I kinda hate them for causing a mess for the retail workers.)

Sander crashes the cart and Robbe into some boxes. After checking to see if Robbe’s OK, Sander plays it cool and walks away whistling. I do love Robbe’s reaction, that we see him trailing Sander and sneaking happy glances at him. Good stuff.

Taken on its own, this is a terrific first meeting, and I can see how this scene would inspire optimism in the season picking up from here. However - and I hate to be a downer because this scene worked for me - it’s the same issue that I’ve said before: we shouldn’t have waited two full episodes for this clip. Though this scene was great and established an easy chemistry, it also wasn’t that personal and didn’t last too long, and now they have to go back and hang with everyone else, so how are they going to continue to bond on their own? They should just go find other errands to do, away from everyone else. 

Clip 4 - Robbe and Sander in the kitchen

Noor is right there in the kitchen with them, but being hungover, is unable to be a third wheel in the way that Emma was to Isak and Even. Amber’s annoyed that they didn’t get anything on the shopping list, Sander shoos her out and says Robbe and he will cook.

Again, this not the same room for intimacy as Evak because they’re not alone! Anyone could walk in at any moment! People were just there! And I think you COULD do something interesting with that, how frustrating it is that everyone else is there, but it doesn’t work so well when it’s like … the first time they meet and they really need that space to get to know each other (considering, for the millionth time, that we are racing to catch up with only just meeting Sander). We really need to either play into the lack of intimacy and adjust the timeline of the relationship accordingly, or they need to manage some extra moments with the two of them to really establish the connection.

They make croques (weren’t bread and cheese on Amber’s list? So they did get something she asked for, heh) and there’s a fair amount of innuendo and suggestion, with the leaning down and leaning toward each other in the tight space. I do really like that and think it’s effective. They notice the chemistry, Sander touches Robbe’s back as he walks by.

More Bowie with Under Pressure. (This would be a really good song choice for Robbe’s POV to illustrate all the shit he’s dealing with.) Sander is very charming, he’s singing and having a good time, he lights up a joint. He opens up a bit about how making croques is a family tradition and asks Robbe if he has any traditions, and Robbe is still withdrawn and doesn’t go into it. Good moment! Robbe’s family is a touchy subject.

Sander licking the joint is quite an Erotique moment for Robbe. I also like that Robbe is clumsy with the croques, seemingly because he’s flustered by Sander’s Sanderness.

I like the Sander actor quite a bit so far. Like I said, he’s super intense and charismatic. He’s also super fucking forward with Robbe, feeding him some croque while they eye fuck, and I’m sorry but that feels way too pointed for this relationship so far The rest of the scene captures the unstated sexual tension but Sander sticking a sandwich in Robbe’s mouth while Robbe stares back is too obvious and feels like they’re trying to sell this really hard in order to make up for lost time, it took me out of the scene. Robbe is tentatively getting more comfortable with Sander, but I don’t buy that he would be that comfortable at this point. It would have been better if they’d stuck to, like, the subtle thrill of sharing a joint (where OMG Sander’s mouth has been?? Yowza).

Britt shows up and she’s Sander’s girlfriend! Oh nooooo!

Except Robbe and Sander met SEVERAL HOURS AGO so this doesn’t really have much of an impact? Isak pining over Even for a week and Googling him and stalking him creates a big buildup both in audience expectations and in Isak’s, whereas Robbe JUST met this dude. We’ve barely had time to form any expectations.

Imagine if you’ve never seen Skam and you’re watching this in real time. You’d be like “Awww, bummer, this guy has a girlfriend, I guess,” rather than “OH SHIT NOOOOOO” because you’ve been following them for a week and watching their conversations and their eye-fucking and getting to know Even through Isak’s eyes. Because you’ve had plenty of time to become attached to this character and because you’ve had time to sink into Isak’s POV and feel his crush on this guy. You feel the stakes of learning that Even has a girlfriend. Robbe learning that Sander is dating Britt is disappointing ... but how disappointing, really? There’s a low level of investment in Sander so far, for both Robbe and for us. I mean, sure, he’s charming, and we’re probably thinking he and Robbe might be cute together, but at most you would have had five hours to get attached at this point. If you look at it one way, this revelation is good because Robbe had only a brief window of time to get his hopes up before learning Sander has a girlfriend, as opposed to Isak who had a full week.

This is where the season’s odd storytelling choices start to fall down. Because there’s a lot about these last few clips that I enjoyed on a micro level. They work as individual scenes. It’s when you think about them on a macro level that the logic and emotional resonance doesn’t hold up. And I think that there are many, many story elements - in wtFOCK and most of the remakes - where a lot of writing only makes sense if you are coming with knowledge of the original show and sort of filling in the blanks here, rather than wtFOCK putting in the work itself.

I also think it’s something of a disappointment because S3 portrayed the experience of developing a crush so beautifully, the desperation to learn more about a person and get close to them, the obsessive focus. wtFOCK is by no means required to do that, but it was such a vulnerable, intimate way to get into Isak’s head that I can’t help but miss the extended crush period for Robbe. We really needed more of his POV.

Robbe decides to cope by getting high. Aha, there’s that Under Pressure for Robbe! 

Actually, it seemed super weird to me that the timestamps had them meeting like 5 hours ago? Because it seemed like they went shopping and went home soon after where Amber inspected the groceries, but apparently there were hours between that, so what were they doing in the meantime? Not anything important, apparently, because we didn’t see it.

Clip 5 - Sad sad Robbe time

The others are playing trivia and Robbe is just social distancing like 10 feet away staring at them while listening to music on his headphones, lmao. Britt has quite the grip on Sander’s neck.

Noor comes over and Robbe asks her about Britt and Sander. Sander studied Visual Arts at I think a different school than Robbe. Imagine how effective this would be if Robbe did this LAST WEEK, like “casually” asked Noor about Sander or something. But of course that would have required the story to be moving forward last week.

Sander stares at Robbe and Noor as they make out. Get back in Robbe’s POV, for fuck’s sake! This isn’t even an impossible moment to have from his POV. Have Robbe and Noor make out, Robbe opens his eyes and spies Sander looking at him, he looks again and Sander has looked away. That creates an element of doubt that will live rent free in Robbe’s head. 

This choice annoys me more and more. Where’s the tension in quite firmly suggesting that actually, Sander is into Robbe right after showing that Sander has a girlfriend? There was soooo much juicy tension squeezed from Isak and the audience not knowing what the fuck was up with Even and Sonja. People forget it now, but as someone who watched OG S3 in real time, there were plenty of viewers who thought Even was just stringing Isak along or doubted the sincerity of his feelings, because the show effectively kept us in Isak’s POV and for many viewers there was room to doubt Even’s intentions. Honestly, we didn’t really get real confirmation of Even’s feeling until episode 9. I just don’t see how it serves the story to a) take us out of our main character’s POV b) to make sure the mysterious love interest is somewhat less mysterious this early.

Clip 6 - Paintball

The squads play a friendly game of paintball, and by that I mean they try to annihilate each other. It’s a little hard for me to tell who’s shooting who since it’s fast and everyone has masks and is dressed in either black or camo, except Aaron in his onesie.

Sander and Robbe end up next to each other. They see Britt on the ground. Sander runs up and shoots Britt several times while she tells him to stop, clearly in pain. Britt yells at him to be normal sometimes and to use his head from time to time. Sander apologizes as Britt runs off.

Robbe and Sander exchange a look like “hmm” and Sander says he thinks they’ve won. He walks off. The music feels … weirdly triumphant?

This scene sits pretty weirdly. I don’t think this clip was pointless, I definitely think it has a point, but … what are they going for here. Thinking about it, I’d say the concept of this scene is good, but the execution feels off. wtFOCK has a real tone problem that becomes apparent later in the season.

I don’t think shooting Britt means Sander is manic, but I DO think part of the intent was to show he’s impulsive/gets carried away/can be OTT. Which is not bad (although there’s some sketchiness abut how this is tied to his mental illness if he’s not manic right now, and about how mentally ill people are dangerous) but it’s his reaction that gets me. Because it’s one thing if he gets carried away and we see him show remorse (which he does, briefly) but then he’s like cracking a joke with Robbe. It would be way more effective if we saw his remorse lingering. Not to mention yeah, he could have hurt Britt! It’s not that Sander has to be flawless, but this is one of our first impressions of him and it’s not great. It might work if you think it’s setting up Sander as something of a dangerous bad boy for Robbe (“you only like bad news” go the lyrics) but I’m not sure how much the show leans into that, especially because Robbe seems happy that they “won” rather than alarmed at what the fuck Sander just did.

But the part that baffles me most is how this matters to Robbe/Sander? Is this supposed to be a cute, flirty moment? A “haha, fuck my girlfriend, I like you instead” moment? Because wow, was it cruel on Sander’s part, and Robbe doesn’t seem that bothered by it. I get that maybe Sander IS supposed to be upset with himself but is brushing it off, but yeah, the offense is just too much for me, when physical harm comes into play. 

IDK, I could get behind the ambiguity of reactions in a scene like this, but there’s something off about the seriousness of what Sander does - which is acknowledged in-clip by Britt’s and Zoë’s reactions - combined with how Robbe and Sander end the clip, as if we ignore those reactions to make it a fun shippy moment. It’s pretty unappealing. We don’t even really see or hear anything about Sander and Britt making up or talking it out, we don’t see any lingering tension between them due to this incident, it’s like this clip was forgotten. Presumably they made up off-screen before the next clip, but in that case, we should have seen Sander run after her to apologize? Where’s the emotional fallout? It doesn’t really stick for Sander, Britt, or Robbe. 

Clip 7 - Bonfire

Robbe is upset with Sander and Britt making out. He goes over to Aaron who is also sitting sadly alone.

Aaron says he doesn’t know how Robbe does it, getting girls, and how he was so chill with Noor in the bathroom. IMO they could’ve ramped up Robbe’s fuckboyness since it didn’t come across that clearly to me, but this is one thing I do like about the potential of Isak and Magnus interaction … the Magnus looking to the Isak for girl advice, making the Isak have to preserve some sort of reputation as a ladies’ man, giving him some cred with his friends that he’s afraid to lose.

Robbe says it’s different because Noor goes to a different school so it wasn’t as bad if she rejected him. But wasn’t she handing out dance performance flyers in the hallway at Robbe’s school? That made me think she was a student there. But IDK how Belgian school works, maybe that’s normal.

Aaron goes over to talk to Amber and makes her a s’more, but Amber walks off because OMG so many calories. Aaron is bummed but Luca takes the s’more and eats it. Uhhh, the obvious buildup here is for Aaron/Luca, wtFOCK writers. She is literally taking and enjoying what Aaron is offering. I sense a connection. 

I’m tickled by Aaron referencing American TV shows when he makes the s’more. His s’more is missing the best part, the cheap melted chocolate, which to be fair would probably have caused Amber to slap him over the calorie count.

This scene is at least from Robbe’s POV as he watches them, thank God.

Clip 8 - Haunted house

The boy squad (who are called the Brrrothers) set up a haunted house. That’s actually a pretty fun scenario. They lock the others in, because teenagers don’t care about fire hazards. But still seems like a great time.

Sander helps the others through the window, what a gentleman.

Aaron and Amber have the cliché “fall down into each other” moment so I suppose that’s the start of their romance. Now she holds his hand. Boo, no Luca/Aaron … at least Aaron/Amber is still better than Basile/Daphne so far.

They climb onto the roof to seek a treasure, which turns out to be alcohol. There’s a rooftop party, people drinking and smoking and having a good time. Robbe and Sander share a Look before Sander and Britt get cozy.

I mean, again … would’ve been better if they hadn’t spoken like. Twice.

Clip 9 - Aaron throws away his shot

Robbe is grumpy on the way back from the haunted house, which he calls Jens and Moyo’s ego trip. I think he’s mostly just sour about Sander and Britt, but also he could be annoyed that he wasn’t involved, although that mainly seems like it would be Robbe’s fault for distancing himself.

Aaron valiantly offers to check the house for murderous ghosts before they go back inside.

See, I KNEW Aaron was going to pull some shit with a practical joke when he went inside, I just didn’t expect him to pretend to get SHOT. The dedication… it’s in very poor taste, though.

Of course it’s a prank, but Amber acts very concerned. You know, this is actually a good way to show how Aaron is immature and keep the Amber/Aaron pairing apart … compared to Basile/Daphne where it was just nonstop sexual harassment, here we see Aaron being sweet and thoughtful with Amber and potentially making progress with her, and then ruining it by being an insensitive teenage dumbass. But he can still grow into more of a mature kid and prove himself to Amber that way.

Aaron seems regretful of it, but Moyo and Jens are like YOU DA MAN. I regret to announce that this boy squad kinda sucks so far.  At least Aaron seems like he might have some character development, judging by his reaction here.

That was nicely done as a way to create conflict with the Aaron/Amber relationship, and establishing some mutual interest before showing where Aaron needs to grow as a person, even if I’m like ... we really got to stick to Robbe’s POV/story, man. 

Clip 10 - Another prank

Moyo and Jens ask Robbe to go get them beers, and it’s a prank and Aaron’s in the freezer so I guess Aaron did not learn anything, never mind. 

Echoing what I said above: I’m absolutely not expecting the boy squad to be perfectly well-behaved rational empathetic adults, and it’s not like this prank is some deeply cruel thing, but there is just. So much. Of the shouting, pranking, casual sexism, crude comments, and general obnoxious behavior. I’m really trying to keep in mind that Isak’s boy squad was also full of the horny gross talk about girls at the beginning, and that it was a necessary part of showing Isak’s alienation from his peers.  Or that by now on OG S3 we had several awesome moments from Isak’s squad that we haven’t reached yet because the season’s paced a few episodes behind. Still. Ugh. Maybe it’s the shouting? I feel like this boy squad is ... shoutier ... than the other boy squads. Making them prankmasters is also not helping. I think you have to walk a careful line between making them realistically flawed straight dudes who alienate Isak with their talk of girls, and making them screaming caricatures who are all “fuck girls get pussy hot chicks sex sex sex.” There’s a lack of warmth and innocence to balance it out. We need some indication soon that these guys are going to be there for Robbe when shit goes down. 

Robbe snaps at them and storms off, and Noor follows him. WOW, it would be good to see ROBBE’S POV of this scene!!!! What happened next!!! 

Nope, the clip ends here!!!!

Clip 11 - Halloween

Everyone’s dressed up and preparing to go to a Halloween party. The girls are cute putting on makeup and chatting about necrophilia. There’s a comment where Luca says a guy sounded like “a begging Romanian” and errrrr, I did a bit of a double take at that. It’s not my culture or language so I don’t want to talk out of my ass, but I thought this was generally considered to be an offensive thing to say (although one that people frequently say anyway due to prejudice). What was the fandom reaction to that line? 

People are dancing at the party. Apparently Jens and Jana are friends with benefits. Lol, at least Jana is not FWB with their P-Chris, that guy sucked.

Amber’s still mad at Aaron, understandably. Moyo cheers up Aaron on his recent romantic failure, which is nice and a much kinder moment than 99% of the material they’ve given Moyo thus far, and they go look for other girls.

I do love all the Halloween makeup. Look at Robbe’s hair!

Zoë checks her phone because I guess Senne drama is gonna happen.

Noor tags a wall with R+N in a heart, oh dear.

Robbe stares sadly at Sander and Britt dancing. Noor tries to get him to dance because the song is great, Robbe says he’s more of a Bowie fan and namedrops Changes. OK lmao, again, this doesn’t work so well that Robbe has suddenly become a Bowie expert when he’s been at the seaside the whole time. I know it’s silly when Isak starts acting like a Nas expert, but there was enough time for him to look up Nas between when Even mentioned him and when he talked to Emma about him to gain some basic knowledge of Nas. I guess Robbe could’ve been looking up Bowie in the last few days when he’s brooding alone, but lol, he’s also been kinda busy. Or Robbe is just bullshitting about Bowie, but the fact he was able to name a Bowie song when he couldn’t earlier in the episode suggests that he did look into Bowie. 

Now there’s the Call Your Girlfriend moment where Robbe makes out with Noor while staring at Sander, then Sander stares back, eyefuck, blah blah.

I gotta say. I’ve seen various takes on Call Your Girlfriend scene by now. And what I notice - at least from my recollection - is that the remakes tend to focus more on the actual eyefucking. Because the OG scene doesn’t actually have Isak and Even staring at each other, going back and forth, for a while. Most of that scene is about Isak’s longing. Isak dances with Emma, looks at Even with Sonja. He kisses Emma, looks at Even kissing Sonja. It’s about Isak wanting Even but instead being with a girl. When Even looks back it’s not this long, extended thing! Because it’s not really about the eyefucking. It’s just confirmation, for both Isak and for us, that we are not imagining this chemistry between them. It’s a shot of hope that Even also wants Isak despite mixed signals. That even though Even is passionately kissing his girlfriend, he’s thinking about Isak. And then Isak closes his eyes - he doesn’t eyefuck Even through three verses and the bridge, he closes his eyes - and we don’t need to be told to realize he’s imagining he’s kissing Even instead. 

First of all, the most effective part of the CYG scene is the timing. The song is perfectly timed and Isak’s reactions are perfectly edited to make us feel that frustration and longing that Isak does. It’s a way more vulnerable scene that most of the remakes seem to realize. Most of the scene is Isak looking without that look being reciprocated. And Even’s returned look comes just as we’re losing our minds (plus it matches the on-the-nose lyrics, lol). The endless eyefucking in the remakes isn’t that special or interesting in terms of delivery. 

Second, here’s the thing: I think we forget, since we know that Evak are endgame, that at this stage during S3′s real-time run, it wasn’t certain that they were endgame. In fact, many people weren’t even sure Even liked Isak back! I was lucky enough to jump into Skam right before the first kiss, and there was so much doubt, it was crazy. Even and Isak shared an awesome afternoon together, but Even brought his girlfriend to this party, he’s still dating her. Isak is doubting whether this thing can go anywhere with them, if Even even is interested in him like that. And Even looking at him during CYG IS the confirmation that Even’s into him. It’s the confirmation for the audience that we didn’t imagine Even’s attraction to Isak. Whereas in wtFOCK, Sander is like openly staring at Robbe when Robbe isn’t watching, and the show breaks Robbe’s POV to make sure we know this. Sander is feeding him croques by hand while they lock eyes. He’s being much flirtier and the show is not hiding his interest. wtFOCK introduced Britt as an obstacle to this potential relationship, but does she really feel like one when Sander has been communicating his interest all along? Is there any doubt he likes Robbe? Not to mention Sander was just introduced this episode, and there simply isn’t the buildup, the time to weigh in and question his motives, the investment in whether he likes Robbe or not. So the tremendous release of tension in this scene is just not the same, because the tension isn’t there to begin with. 

The OG Call Your Girlfriend clip is not about two guys who are hot for each other challenging each other to look away. The clip is about vulnerability and longing, and that vibe has been missing from sooooo many of the adaptations. Like anything in the remakes, change is not inherently bad. Change can provide for some interesting and thoughtful material. But I don’t think the remakes always realized when they’re making a change. On the surface a scene will be similar to OG, but the emotional buildup, the timing, the tension, the symbolism, etc. will be very different, and if you’re not aware of how even the littlest change can alter the meaning of a scene, then the scene can fall flat.

Clip 12 - End of trip

Everyone’s packing up to go home, Amber calls out the boys for sitting there and not cleaning (she’s right!)

Robbe helps Sander with the empty bottles. Sander asks about Robbe and Noor if they’re doing well. Robbe says yeah and then asks about Sander and Britt, Sander says it’s been “ups and downs” with mostly downs lately. Ups and downs could also refer to bipolarity, though I don’t know if I’d jump to Sander having “mostly downs” mentally just yet.

Sander says he seems to get on her nerves lately, and they’ve been together for half a year. Okay sooooo … they’re way less serious than Even and Sonja, and Sander has much less to lose by breaking up with her. I mean. Do they not see where, emotionally, this removes a lot of Even’s conflict in OG, and presumably much of Sander’s conflict in this version? It mattered that Sonja had been with Even for years. It mattered that he was used to her taking charge. It mattered that they’d sunk so much time into this relationship and survived such rough patches. Unless there was a really really drastic event in Sander’s life like right when he and Britt got together, that she was instrumental in helping him face, it seriously cannot compare to what Even and Sonja went through. He asks Robbe what he would do, stay or go.

He reaches around Robbe, getting sorta touchy feely, Robbe steps away. 

Sander says maybe he (Sander) is scared he’ll never find someone, someone who’ll love him. Tension between him and Robbe as they consider each other. This insight is good to understand Sander, at least.

Robbe says he thinks Sander will find someone like that, Sander asks where, Robbe says he should meet new people, Sander says “on a weekend trip with strangers?” Robbe is like “...yes.” (Did you get to know each other? Did you really?)

They lean in for a kiss, but then Luca shows up to take out the trash so the moment is ruined, Sander walks off.

SIIIIIIGH this could have been a good scene if they like … developed this relationship or didn’t pace this story so weirdly. On top of the rushed Sander/Robbe development, the buildup to this scene on its own is odd. In OG, the kitchen almost-kiss happens right after the Call Your Girlfriend moment where they lock eyes, after Even stares at Isak across the room. There is palpable tension in the kitchen because they’re basically riding a high together. This is like the morning after their version of the CYG, which should have been an “aha! he likes me back!” moment for Robbe, but instead the momentum and sexual tension just kind of paused and consequently this scene almost feels random, like I felt the contrivances to put them in the same situation as Isak and Even here. (Think about it: Was there a reason this scene had to be the next morning instead of later that night? What happened after that eyefucking clip, did Robbe and Sander just go about their night like NBD?) The CYG clip and following kitchen scene felt like a clear example of cause and effect; the wtFOCK equivalents felt more like they were hitting arbitrary points in the OG rather than feeling fitting to its story.

I just realized we got like NO insight into Robbe’s sexuality crisis this episode, either, the way we did with Isak in episode 3. And maybe we’ll get some of it in the future, but I do think it weakens the story not to have any of that at this juncture. We’re three out of 10 episodes and we’ve barely scratched the surface of our protagonist’s main conflict this season, which is about his sexuality.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THE EPISODE:

Introduce Sander sooner, for fuck’s sake.

Okay, that ship has sailed, moving on. Have the grocery scene go on longer, or rather, have them go somewhere after the supermarket, like they decide to take a detour to a park or something and go hang out and talk, to the point where Amber starts texting them like “Where the fuck is the food?” Show Robbe unwinding just a little, talking about his own interests, his own taste in music. It’s understandable that he might not open up about the deep’n’heavy stuff yet, but perhaps in either this scene or another one later this week, Sander asks him a family-related question and Robbe doesn’t answer with his whole sad backstory, but he gives a little, maybe has a fond memory of his mom, a tradition they had when he was younger. We see this little happy/sad moment and it’s like something about Sander compels him to open up and we get the complexity of his relationship with his mom, that it’s not all good or bad.

Instead of Sander shooting Britt excessively in the paintball scene, have him and Robbe team up and strategize for a while. We see they work well together, oho. They’re having a lot of fun. And maybe Sander DOES shoot Britt but it’s not this prolonged close-range thing, it’s just him being caught up in the moment as he and Robbe work together. He shoots her (again, it’s a little OTT and enough to make her upset but not quite as bad as in the filmed scene) and she runs off and we see him have an “oh” moment. Oh right, I got caught up being with this guy I like and forgot I have a girlfriend. He feels seriously remorseful and runs after Britt. And maybe when Sander shoots Britt, Robbe has a moment of “!!!”, maybe Sander likes him Like That after all! But then Sander runs after Britt and they kiss and make up because it’s just a paintball game, after all, and Robbe is like, oh, right. It’s just paintball.

This episode really convinces me how vital episode 2 is, even before Mekke øl, in establishing both Even as a character and the Isak/Even dynamic. We get why Isak likes him even before they speak again. It’s so beautiful and honest, with Isak checking out Even’s video, searching for him on social media, that desperation … and then how much R+J hits Isak in the feels. The equivalent would be if Robbe was listening to David Bowie on his earbuds and having a big moment. So er, why didn’t they just ... do that? Robbe is sitting alone listening to David Bowie and watching Sander and Britt be cuddly, and there’s this feeling of longing and being close to Sander via the music while at the same time being so far away. It might be too obvious and faithful to OG, but it would also, you know. Probably be effective. It is also set-up for Robbe talking about how he’s a Bowie fan to Noor.

Have Sander talk to Robbe after Robbe flips out on his friends after the prank! Maybe Sander calms him down by doing a weird Sander thing! Maybe Robbe confides a bit about his shitty home situation or his crappy friends so he and Sander connect on a deeper level! But the prank clip ended immediately after Robbe stormed off, and for some reason the show was like nah, it’s not important after that, even though it was a prime opportunity for good, insightful content into Robbe’s head, or a way to let Robbe and Sander bond some more. 

If they cannot talk directly, how about some indirect moments where they connect, other than paintball? We get some stares at each other but those could be structured to show off more of a connection. Their eyes meet when something funny happens. Robbe or Sander are Jim Halperting at each other when Aaron or Amber says something ridiculous, like can you believe this shit? Everyone’s sitting around listening to music and Sander goes and puts on a Bowie song and Robbe smiles to himself.

(Not that they needed to do movie references in this version, but they should have totally gone with Labyrinth references for Robbe/Sander, just saying. I’m not even sure how it would work thematically, I just think it’d be delightful.)

(OR VELVET GOLDMINE, aka “Todd Haynes wrote and filmed David Bowie/Iggy Pop fanfiction where Ewan McGregor and Christian Bale fuck on a rooftop.” God I love that movie.)

In the haunted house, have Robbe and Sander like ...touch, accidentally, or grab each other out of fear, or do one of those cliché “we find ourselves close together, breathing hard and staring at each other” moments. I don’t care! Just give us stuff to work with! Like there even IS a split second moment where Robbe is climbing out of the window and Sander offers him a hand, it’s just not played for any drama or tension or emotional reaction - I mean, wtFOCK are you doing, wtFOCK writers? 

There is a glaring flaw with this episode, in that there were SO many opportunities to actually have Robbe and Sander interact throughout the episode, and yet overall the potential was totally wasted.

Consider that Isak and Even went to the same school, but they were in different years and didn’t share any classes. So when, for example, Isak hangs out with Even in Mekke øl, I can easily buy that Isak doesn’t see him again until Even returns the snapback. Or that he doesn’t see Even after the snapback scene until the neon party. Therefore, I feel like I’m seeing all the essential moments of Isak’s interaction with Even, I am getting the “full story” with Evak and sufficient evidence to try to piece together what Even’s deal is. 

Robbe and Sander were living under the same roof for days. This is a drastic departure from the original. Realistically speaking, there would have been so, so many more opportunities for interaction, or moments where we could’ve gained insight into that developing attraction. Sander and Britt would’ve been sleeping in the same bed at times, right? How did Robbe react to that? Could we have seen his jealousy? Was there ever a time when Robbe was coming out of the bathroom and he bumped into Sander and it was awkward? Or when someone else left a room and Robbe found himself alone with Sander, and he didn’t know what to say? Did Robbe try to avoid Sander the entire time? Did he try to talk to him but Noor or Britt walked in? Did Sander try to talk to Robbe? Was there any interaction between them besides what we were shown on screen? Did Robbe get up and sit on the beach listening to music and Sander joined him and they shared headphones? Did Robbe go outside one night just to get away from Noor in his bed and Sander was also sitting on the porch and they shared a joint and talked about stuff? Eh? Ehhh???

The problem is that I don’t believe that we were shown the “full story” of Robbe and Sander this week. I can’t believe that because, logically speaking, there would have been way, way more interactions between them even if they were actively trying to avoid each other. For whatever reason, wtFOCK decided to have Robbe and Sander meet at the seaside and spend a week in the same house. Okay. But despite the opportunities that scenario provided to really catch up and develop the hell out of the Robbe/Sander relationship after a delayed start, the show just didn’t do that. And I do feel cheated, not just because it’s rushed and lazy, but because it doesn’t even make sense. Obviously wtFOCK cannot film every minute they were around each other, but it sure as hell could’ve given us more substantial content than it did. 

Even if you want to emphasize how they can’t really be alone with each other because they’re with almost 10 other people including their girlfriends ... fucking run with that, man. Milk it for all it’s worth. Make us feel how frustrating it is that they’re not alone, that Robbe is paranoid about getting too close to Sander in case everyone can tell he’s got a crush. Or show them in a scene with other characters, but they’re interacting in an indirect way that makes it seem like they’re the only two people in the room. Their first clip and the almost kiss at the end of the episode is the only time when I really felt that tension at all, and I use “tension” loosely in the case of the almost kiss.

We also have little information this season on Robbe’s specific sexuality crisis, and that’s also hurting the narrative. I’m aware that the next episode dives into some of the clips that OG Skam got to in its episode 3, so I don’t want to harp on it too much now ... but I do have some basic questions, such as: where is Robbe at with his sexuality right now?

We have gotten very little introspection on him thinking about being gay, or what it means to be gay. We did not have the big crush fixation on Sander that Isak got on Even: Googling him, looking him up on social media, trying to find out everything about him. We did not have Robbe taking gay tests online. Yet he goes from meeting Sander to trying to kiss him within days.

And I think the lack of sexuality crisis further diminishes the already weak tension of the episode. If Robbe was more strongly dealing with his sexuality, then I would be able to accept him falling for Sander so fast and so hard a bit more easily, to the point of almost kissing him, even if their emotional connection wasn’t really established. But he hasn’t been given the space to do that. He hasn’t been given the space to even think about being gay or what that means. So he’s supposedly going from internalized homophobia to almost kissing Sander, with none of the introspection shown on screen. Why? What is running through his head?

So obviously, in rewriting the episode, let’s set up some actual sexuality conflict with Robbe. Maybe he’s trying to look up gay stuff online while he’s locked himself in the bathroom or when everyone else is asleep at night, or he’s trying but unfortunately he’s paranoid people are looking over his shoulder, or the boy squad grabs his phone as a prank and he’s terrified they’ll see that he was searching “how to know if you’re gay.” Maybe other people start talking about a sexuality-related topic, a gay celebrity, something like that, and Robbe’s reaction matters - like he makes an ignorant comment and someone schools him, or he makes a downright offensive comment and someone chews him out. Someone makes a gay joke and we see how it makes Robbe squirm. Someone makes a gay joke and then gets called out on it and we see how it makes the wheels turn in Robbe’s head.  Have Amber or Noor or whoever make a boneheaded comment about gay people and Sander schools them so we see Robbe get a HMMM moment. HMMM, does Sander like dudes? HMMM, maybe I should reconsider my opinions on gay people? I don’t know, man! Literally! Anything! 

Maybe have his advice to Aaron be more obviously bad? More fuckboyish? We see him overcompensating for his sudden Sander feelings by doling out some uber-heterosexual manly man advice to Aaron about how to impress a girl. Aaron is like, are you sure that’s a good idea? Robbe is like, pffft, obviously, what, are you gay? Are you too gay to make a move on Amber? Show her what’s what. This leads Aaron to do something very stupid and insulting and sexist with Amber, which leads to Amber getting mad at Aaron and Aaron getting mad at Robbe for Robbe’s dumbass advice. Maybe Jens and Moyo jump in because God knows we need some good moments from them, and they’re like, seriously, Robbe? Why did you think that was a good idea? Robbe gets mad and storms off. 

To some degree I’m like … well, what IS Robbe’s problem with Sander dating Britt, really? He met this hot and cool guy, but a few hours later learned the hot guy had a girlfriend. It sucks, but what is pulling him in so hard and so fast other than Sander being so hot? It’s a disappointment, but is it this truly devastating thing? He doesn’t know much about Sander, they’ve had so much less of a connection than Isak and Even. They had one fun morning, basically. It’s true that crushes aren’t rational and that a teenager can fall for someone based on crumbs and hotness, I fully realize you can’t turn off your romantic feelings like a faucet. But the show didn’t put in the work of making me believe in the strength of those romantic feelings in the first place. The fact that it is realistic for teenagers to have shallow crushes does not mean that I have to accept weak writing to fill in the blanks for this romantic connection that is supposed to be a powerful love story. Actually, let me bold that and rewrite it as a general rule: The fact that something can be realistic does not mean we have to fill in the blanks in order to make up for weak, lazy writing. 

I know that Isak and Even didn’t have a TON of interaction before episode 3, but they definitely had more, and Isak had time to research Even and develop a crush him based on what he found: he learned a bit about Even’s hobbies and interests, he was touched by a piece of art that Even loved. They bonded, they BOTH opened up - we saw Isak melt a little and banter whereas Robbe hasn’t really loosened up with Sander, except running around the grocery store (oh, and letting him stick a croque in his mouth, I guess). In the kitchen scene after getting groceries, for example, Robbe basically says nothing noteworthy, nothing to give either us or Sander a better understanding of him, or an appreciation of his sense of humor. There’s no real banter. If you watch the Robbe/Sander scenes, it seems like Sander dominates them, and that’s great for learning about Sander as a character, not so much for feeling like they’re mutually connecting. And if they want to portray Robbe as shy or awkward around Sander, I get it. But I don’t get where the emotional connection comes in, and frankly I don’t feel like I know much about Robbe as a person. 

So here’s my suggestion: Don’t do the almost kiss.

I know, I know, it’s a Skam S3 staple. But wtFOCK has really not earned this moment. We’re not in dire need of confirmation that Sander likes Robbe because wtFOCK is making it obvious. The tension is not developed enough to merit an almost kiss, Robbe’s sexuality journey is not far along to make it super believable. If they’re kissing next week for real, just let that happen without the episode 3 interrupted kiss. 

If you do want an almost kiss, maybe one or both of them is a little drunk? Or a lot drunk. Like, noticeably tipsy. Their inhibitions are lowered. I could buy that, especially if Robbe has a morning after freakout. oh god i was drunk and about to throw myself at sander!!!!! OR hahaha we were pretty drunk so it didn’t mean anything ... unless...? So long as there’s some effect on Robbe.

Because it’s a Skam remake, we probably do need a big end-of-episode clip, though. A turning point. Personally, I would be fine with just some smoldering unresolved sexual tension that doesn’t go as far as an attempted kiss. (I mentioned above that I am a diehard shipper of Ronan/Adam from The Raven Cycle and let me tell you, you do not need an almost kiss to get across the sexual tension. Once upon a time I wrote a draft of a post charting their relationship development through all their intense stares.) Perhaps Sander and Britt start fighting, Sander walks off, Robbe finds him or maybe he finds Robbe and they’re like, sitting together on the beach, and they have this personal and possibly subtext-laden conversation, or maybe this is when Robbe finally opens up about something personal (like he mentions when his parents used to fight, IDK). They don’t touch. Or maybe their knees brush. They stay perfectly still and don’t lean in. But they look at each other and don’t look away until someone calls for them or comes to collect them, and that’s how the moment is ruined and the spell is broken. That would be enough for me.

Maybe we could end on a non-dramatic note and Robbe and Sander end up sharing earbuds and listening to a David Bowie song. Or a song by someone that Robbe likes and wants to share with Sander, IDK. We leave them staring at the beach and trading surreptitious glances and catching feelings. A real butterflies in the stomach scene.

This also would have been a great episode to hint at Sander’s mental illness. You could show Britt hovering and telling him not to drink or smoke, you could have Robbe walking in as Sander is taking his medication (but obviously he doesn’t know what type of meds they are yet). You could have the suggested ending fight between Britt and Sander contain veiled references to his mental illness because Britt thinks that Sander was skipping his meds or he was doing something that she thought was a red flag. Robbe overhears them arguing but again, he doesn’t realize the real context. 

I felt like Noor was kind of in the background for this episode, and look, I thought she was overused in the first two episodes, but in this one, her presence would have been more useful for Robbe’s storyline, such as having her interrupt a Robbe/Sander moment, or showing us that she’s growing frustrated with Robbe’s lack of attention to her. 

Stay in Robbe’s POV, I beg you. Do this one simple thing. It’s OK to give random scenes outside his POV from time to time (like the girls doing their Halloween makeup) but anything relevant to his arc should be from his eyes only, and anything not relevant to his arc needs to be managed carefully so it doesn’t suck up too much screen time from his story.

I’ve been looking at the social media that was posted for this season, but I don’t really have a ton to say about it. wtFOCK seems pretty active with the characters’ Instagram accounts, so I commend them for that. So far the text messages don’t seem to be adding a ton to Robbe’s story - I specify Robbe’s story because a lot of them are not even texts that involve him, lmao. Like there’s a text between Zoë and Senne that effectively sets up trouble in that relationship, and it’s way more enlightening than texts that actually involve Robbe.

I think there’s legit potential with this cast. I like all the girls, I think Sander’s actor has some good onscreen presence… even though I don’t care for how the boys are written, I think they have potential. It’s just frustrating when you see the potential being squandered even more than if there were little potential to start. 

Just to add, like I said above, this isn’t my culture or language, and I know that I’m missing context. Let me know if there’s anything I didn’t get on account of not being a teenager in Belgium.

[everyone-has-their-story]

Season 3 episode 5 commentary with my sister:

Remember when I said I knew what was going to happen? LOL to me and my emotions

No, dude go visit your mom!

You and Zoe both need better excuses than “I’m sick”

Sidenote...I am really loving this new location

No Jens, everything is not chill thanks for asking though

Robbe you don’t need weed! You need to talk

No one cares about the broerrrs right now

Noor and him fighting are the least of his problems

Thanks for finally being interested in his life Jens

I mean yeah she wants to have sex, but not really on his list of problems 

Sex is overrated? Is that because you have toothpaste? 

Please stop talking about this with him

Jens’ advice in a nutshell: Have sex, don’t have sex, its “eh”, but c’est la vie 

Incorrect, Jens. She likes him and he likes Sander. Thanks for playing though.

Fucking hell….you’re telling the wrong person you miss them! I don’t have time for this Robbe

Yeah thanks for your shitty advice, but I’m glad you’re being a friend

Oh no no no no!! I don’t like the looks of this at all

Also, what happened to firefighter Robbe from the vlogs? All these candles are a fire hazard

Actually this whole fucking situation is a hazard

Robbe stop! Abort!

*face palms*

I want to feel bad for her but I’m too focused on feeling bad for him

That is not the face of a guy who is enjoying this (robbe takes off her bra)

Wait...did it happen or not?

His face is making me feels level of sad I didn’t know existed

Thank fucking christ that didn’t happen

Oh she is so sweet, I feel bad for her

There will be no next time

Pause it! I know I joke a lot but the fact that he even felt the need to try this is making me so fucking sad…like he tries so hard to be who he isn’t and i hate that for him. And whoever this actor is, is playing the hell out of this character. Bravo my dude….okay play *sighs*

Sweet lord we are only 7 minutes in??

Milan, I know there are weird ass windows on the door but feel free to knock

Read the room, Milan! He is in turmoil, we don’t have time for your shirts!

Yes! Talk to him..thank you!

Hahahhaha Milan you might need more than 15 minutes

You can do it, Robbe. You need to get this out

Repeat after me..”I think I’m gay”  you can do it!

Robbe, my love, that kiss suggests that you are in fact into him

Milan is me, I am Milan, we are one

Why must people always mention Noor when he is trying to open up, can we just focus on Robbe?

Milan, give me your number I am looking for a therapist

This is everything Robbe needed to hear

You are normal! You’re just a little confused and sad right now

Scratch that, you aren’t just normal you are fucking phenomenal 

When Milan speaks, we all listen

*whispers* this scene is so good

Milan for President! Our president is garbage so the job is all yours

He IS looking better! Thanks for noticing, Jens. Look at you with your 20/20 vision

LOOOOL matchmaker? I hope no one is paying you because you suck at it

HE IS GOING TO TELL HIM! YESSSSS

Hey now ,“shitty” is a bit of an exaggeration

he’s going to do it!

NOOOOO don’t say “her”!!

His face..

Oh wtf!! He was trying to talk...AGAIN! Ughhhh

Robbe needs some sunscreen

Noor is back...cool?

Hopefully you ain’t gonna be “with him” much longer

This is an odd song choice for this atmosphere

Robbe out here making confetti while having an existential crisis and Noor is ordering soup 

You looked it up? Did it happen to say “possibly gay” under the list of causes?

Time for yourself? So no Sander?

Yeah this is definitely an odd song choice

Sorry, Noor...you’re sweet but he’s gotta go

Robbe pick up your damn trash!

She will in fact NOT be enjoying that (the soup😂)

I respect him for actually ending it

Wait where are we?

He doesn’t know his own school?

AHHH! Sander!

Omg I’m fucking dumb..it’s Sander’s school...I hate me

Me and Robbe have the same smile when we see Sander

Okay now is not the time for a bathroom break Robbe

Don’t worry about your hair, you look great as always

If looks could kill..

Okay I’m rooting for you Robbe, but I don’t blame him, you fucked up

Cool...that was fun...love seeing Robbe unhappy...my fave

*gasps* he’s back!!

5 minutes? Okay you got this

He’s got a point…

Don’t we all? Get in line (Says he loves him)

You damn right you fucked up

The kiss was mind blowing for everyone, trust me

Is that a small smile I see??

Yes, one more chance, I’m down with that

Ah!! Yeah fuck it (chernobyl)

Oh sweet baby Jesus thank god!!

This whole scene is just amazing, Robbe doing this out in the open? Love that for him

Robbe ain’t letting him go nowhere

No...forget the phon--- oh hell no! Not her!

She fucking better be in the past

Yes, future! Eternity, all of it

No don’t go, stay!

The smiles! My smile! Everyone gets a smile!

Pause it! I have never seen someone so relieved and happy. I feel like he is really starting to figure himself out, you know? I just love that that scene wasn’t over the top, it was simple but amazing. Are you listening to me? (yes) I have so many thoughts right now, please hold *rewatches the scene* okay you can proceed…

Chernobyl? Is this going to become their thing instead of universes? I’m down with that

HAPPY ROBBE FOR 2 SCENES!

Secrets, secrets are no fun..unless they are Robbe’s, then back off

Sooo whatcha get?? (Zoe’s letter)

Oh no, nvm don’t wanna know anymore...make it go away

The preppy psycho is back...fucking hell

AHHH! Sander is back!

The difference between him kissing Sander and him kissing Noor is like night and day

Y’all are fucking adorable

He drew that?? Remember when I liked Even’s drawings?...Sander said nah bitch here you go

I have a wall in my room if you want to paint it there, I’m down

Feeding Robbe? Sure. Feeding Britt? He said SIKE!

Romeo and Juliet..okay I see you wtfock

PAUSE! Omgggggg was he the photographer in like the first episode??? Well fuck me, I’m still dumb.*presses play*

I know I said I wanted happy Robbe, but I feel so overwhelmed right now

His voice is so soothing

Ooop okay so they are still doing the universe thing

Robbe can’t stop touching his hair and honestly...same

You Marvel loving gays

If my bf ever said this shit to me I’d smack him, but coming from them...I love every second of it

Great, sad Sander...why can’t we have nice things

Why are they so fucking great together??

Robbe, I love this new you (straddles Sander)

We ALL fell for you, Robbe

You’re damn right he is the one...lucky bastard

He WAS there!!! I love how I connect shit like 4 episodes later

Robbe initiating every kiss makes me so happy

Forget the text! 

Did he just kiss his shoulder?

SON OF A BITCH! Can this girl go away? jfc

Jealousy level 100

Kinda sus…

He loves jealous Robbe

My dude we are ALL happy you’re in this dimension, lets send Britt to a different one shall we?

Pause it! *rewinds to watch scene again*

He disappeared into the night…

How’d he know he was awake? He got a nanny-cam in that room?

You smooth little bitch Sander

He didn’t deny the bf comment, I’m so proud

Remember when I said I was proud of you? I take that back right now..

I hate it. Stop talking Robbe.

I stand by my statement: Milan for President

Cool….that was great….I’ve always wanted an upset Milan….

Robbe just got knocked down about 5 pegs and he deserved it

Senne..not the time my friend

Wait what?? Are they on a date??

Y’all are dorks..i fucking love it

There is so much to focus on right now..

If anyone wants to know what love looks like, I got a scene to show you

Okay Sander I see you...

*singing selena gomez song* can’t keep my hands to myself...I want you all to myself*

Seeing Robbe like this after the previous scene makes me torn 

Robbe like needs to be attached to Sander huh?

This is the best scene ever and I’m aware I’ve said that for about 100 other scenes

Robbe you’re adorable and confident, i love it

OH FUCK YOU!! Why do they do this to me?!

Buy me a ticket to Belgium, I gotta have a chat with some dickheads

Forget the bikes! Just leave!

WHY?! I can’t watch…

Is it over?

*big sigh* I honestly have no words…

This is going to have one of them pull away from the other isn’t it? Don’t answer that..I know it will...

I would just like to state that Robbe the king of internalized homophobia just made out with his boyfriend out in the open for everyone to see not once but twice

...I’ll be ready to process in like 15 minutes, I’m going to get more comfort food...

[nightspeckle]

High School Au {Part 3}

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 4

this one is like sorta long-ish? (for me lol, in actuality its like super short) and it’s trash so my b 

******

Here’s the thing. Working with Cardan was actually pretty good. I never thought I would ever think that and yet here I am. I’m pretty sure my delusions are growing but that's not really the point. 

The point is that the kid knows his shit. I mean really knows his shit. 

Noggle gave us Scipio Africanus’ Tactics which was an adventure in itself. Cardan had just looked at me with a toned-down version of his death stare and asked me if we wanted to break up the work. 

It was that simple. We made a combined slideshow that took about 20 minutes in total with each of us splitting the research. I was looking over the slides and when I got to his I think my brain imploded.

They were extremely detailed, more so even than mine and he had been on his phone half of the time. I mean even the sentences sounded smart.  He used the word consternation. I mean what does that even mean? Not that I was about to ask. 

Noggle basically pushed us out early when he saw how good our slides were considering this was just a club and so he shoved us out with a big smile. 

So in all working with Cardan wasn’t terrible. I barely even noticed how clear his skin looked from close up! So progress for me. 

But now as we currently exit out the east side doors to the parking lot I can’t help but notice how he seems to glow in the sunlight. Or the fact that something about him just feels ethereal at this moment. 

So I book it. Walking as fast as I possibly can to the back of the parking lot. 

I’m so focused and hightailing it away from the beauty that is Cardan that I don’t realize anything is amiss until I’m standing in an empty parking spot. 

I do a little 360 standing in the place where the car is supposed to be.

Fuck.

I should be surprised, or even concerned that my car is missing. But I’m not. 

Three sisters and two cars is not a perfect equation. I check my phone to see if I missed anything in the group chat. 

Viv: I’m taking Carol to work

Taryn: I thought we agreed on Joan? 

Vivi Yeah but saying I’m taking Joan makes me feel like a 40 year old mom who drives a minivan

Taryn: And Carol doesn't give you the same vibes?

Viv: Nah, Crackhead Carol is wildddddd 

Taryn: I hate you.

Taryn: I’m taking Olie to the mall, Jude can you catch the bus?

Viv: I can not believe that you give me shit for Carol and then named our beautiful baby after Oliver Wood.

Taryn: Excuse me? Oliver Wood is the god of the century

Viv: Bitch can't beat Luna

Taryn: You would

Taryn: Do we think Jude will even see this or am I gonna have to go back to pick her up

Viv: She’s probably to busy dreaming nasty thoughts about her ghosty boy and his little ghost

Taryn: Let's not start on this again pls

Viv: I’ll be home at 9 don’t die in the meantime xx

First of all, Shit. 

Second, I’m going to strangle Vivi with my bare hands. Garrett and I are friends and it's actually starting to piss me off.  

Third, how the fuck do they expect me to get Oak with no car? Fucking idiots.

Jude: Which one of you dumbos is gonna get Oak?

Viv: Workingggggggg

Taryn: I’m 45 minutes away... so like u

Jude: I am wishing death upon your souls :)

I look at my watch to see It’s already three. Shit. 

What am I going to do? Walk? I can’t call Orianna or Dad. I am not in the mood to face Oriannas snarky comments or Dad’s lectures about responsibility.

So that leaves walking. Or more like running. I am so going to be late.

But as I’m dashing across the parking lot I almost get run over by a black Porsche Cayenne.

 Which p.s. is one sexy ass car. 

Usually, I might stop to give the driver an earful about how running over pedestrians is not the vibe. But I have 15 minutes to get to Oak’s school which is like 20 minutes on foot.

I start walking again when I hear the car's window roll down and a voice from the driver's seat.

It’s Cardan.

Of course.

I’m waiting for a comment about idiotically walking behind moving cars but it doesn’t come. Or for him to unleash the snide comments he has been holding back all afternoon. However, what does come out is even worse.

“Do you need a ride?”

....

I’m staring at him through his open window. I’m about two feet from the driver's door and Cardan is tapping his fingers methodically on the door.

He doesn’t look very menacing. His eyes are flickering over my face and he raises an eyebrow up at me. 

“Well?” He asks probingly. I’m all too aware of what this means. The dude who terrorized my childhood is reaching out an olive branch. 

There’s a part of me that wants to turn and walk away from his cruel glares and the comments he used to spit at me and Taryn. But I really could use a ride. 

Plus, he looks extremely hot with one of his hands on the wheel which is like an added bonus.

“Yeah, I do.” He seems a little surprised that I said yes. I watch as a small smirk graces his face. Damn. 

He nods his head to the passenger side and I walk around the car and slide into the seat. Just FYI these seats are comfortable as shit. 

I look over at Cardan as he starts to back up. Which is a terrible idea. He looks so laid back and comfortable. He looks like he fits here and his face is blank of that awful sneer he seems to have on every day at school. 

It makes me despise him a little less. I should have walked. 

“Can you drop me off at Elfame Elementary?” 

He looks over at me quizically. “Yeah.” A pause. “Why do you need to go there?”

“I need to pick up my little brother,”. 

“Is that why you were running around the parking lot like a headless chicken?”. He looks amused as he says this.

“I was not running around like a headless chicken.” My voice is a little cold as I speak. His face goes a little more stonelike at my tone. 

Jude! Wtf, this guy is giving you a ride. Pull it together!

“My sisters took the cars and left me stranded,” I attempt a little more warmly. “So thank you.”

His face twists a little surprised at the thank you. Mind kind of does too. Me saying thank you to the kid who poured milk all over me on picture day for years throughout elementary school.

Cardan doesn’t say anything else as we drive to Oak’s school. He just turns on some music and drives. It’s actually kind of nice being able to watch the vibrant green trees go zooming by. 

Before I know it Cardan is pulling into the parking lot of the elementary school.

A little bit of me is disappointed it's over so soon. I actually feel a little peaceful.

I look down at my watch to see it’s 3:10. Perfect! 

“Thanks, Cardan, truly this was life-saving,” I reach over to the handle about to push the door open when I look back to see an expression on Cardan's face that matches my own.

“How are you going to get home after?” Cardan’s voice is soft as he asks.

“I was going to walk to Ralph’s, Viv has one of the cars with her,”.

“That's like a mile away,” Cardan says laughing a little as he does.

“Don’t really have any other options here buddy,”

“Buddy?” He looks offended. As if the word is a personal assault to his well being. I can’t help but roll my eyes. To which he notices and roll’s his eyes back at me.

“I can drive you and your brother home. If you want?”.

Yes. I do want. But I’m not really in the mood to owe Cardan anything and this feels like a favor a little too out of his way. Why is he helping me out?

So no?

But I’m also not in the mood for the complaining Oak will give me for walking in this sweltering heat. 

“Uh, yeah. Thanks.” Then I shut the door and head into the school.

....

Oak is looking up at me with a puzzled look on his face.

“I thought Viv was going to get me today?”

“Sorry, bud. She had to work.” He just shrugs. “Does that mean shell bring me back a milkshake!” He’s popping up on his toes almost jumping in joy. I just stifle a laugh and shake his hair up.

“Where did you park Olie?” Oak is looking around quizically trying to spot the black jeep named after the quidditch legend himself. When he cant spot Ollie Oak turns to look at me with a full face of disappointment. “Did you drive Crackhead Carol?”

The dad who walks by as he gives me a wide eyed look before shuffling his kids along in the opposite direction. I can’t help roll my eyes even though Vivi isn’t even here. 

Oak is still looking at me in despair. He hates Crackhead Carol. Says that it’s scary driving in it. Which is not true. The only reason he hates Carol is that every time he’s in Carol is when Vivi is driving. Which is an experience to drive any person to full body fear. 

“I did not drive Carol.” Oak’s shoulders un-tense and he goes back to bouncing as we make our way past the busses and smiling bus monitors to the parking lot.

“So how did you get here?”

“Oak, chill out we’re not walking to Ralph's,” I say still heading to where Cardan parked his car. 

Oak just stops halfway through the parking lot with his hands on his hips demanding an explanation. As much as he is trying to be serious he just looks adorable. 

“I’ll give you a piggyback if you stop being an annoying little butt.” He just smiles and catapults onto my back.  I don’t often offer to give Oak piggybacks any more. He’s gotten heavier as he's grown. Plus sometimes he thinks he's too old and cool for them. I guess today is not one of those days.

When I get back to Cardan’s car I can see he has an amused smile as he watches my cart around my lanky 7 year old brother. 

Oak looks at me with wide eyes as I buckle him up in the back and plop down in the passenger seat. Cardan has turned off the rap he was playing early and switched it to that teeny bob that I despise but Taryn loves. 

I look over to see that not only is the amused look on his lips but also in his eyes. He doesn’t say anything and instead just pulls out of the parking lot.

Oak who has been unusually quiet finally opens his mouth.

“Are you Jude’s boyfriend?” Oh my god.

“Oak!” My face has most certainly paled to the color of ice. Cardan looks at first like he might throw up with the thought but then he starts laughing. 

And damn is that a nice sight. His sharp features are relaxed and full of laughter.

“Jude’s never had a boyfriend before.” Oak pauses for a second before continuing. “Actually she had one boyfriend but now he’s Taryn’s boyfriend so that doesn’t really count.” 

I think I might strangle Oak. I look over at Cardan who seems to have gone a little rigid with this turn of the conversation. Having Cardan sit here with my brother telling him about my relationship disasters is embarrassing.

I mean, of course, he already knows this. He’s friends with Locke. But still, something about this is bugging me. 

“Oak,” My voice is diminished when I speak. I’m looking out the window forcing the feelings I've been fighting for months to go away. Taryn and I worked things out. We always do. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting sometimes. 

That's when I feel a strong nimble hand grab mine. I look over to Cardan as he drives. His eyes are focused on the road as he squeezes my hand.

I think my heart is going to melt. 

But then I think I’m going to attack him. I remember seeing Nicasia laugh along with Valerian and Locke. Who’s to say he didn’t poke fun of the fool I was. I bet he’s only doing this now to go laugh at what an idiot I am later with all of his cronies.

But then he catches my eyes and he seems genuinely sad for me so I don’t attack him. But I do pull my hand from his and look back out the window. I don’t care if he’s been nice today. That does not exclude the years of name-calling. Of making me and Taryn feel small. Of how he glared at me at the party. What the fuck changed so quickly?

Oak is apparently not done talking. As usual. “Only Heather and Locke drive me places too. They're both my sister's boyfriend and girlfriend.” That makes me turn around.

“Cardan is not my boyfriend.” My voice is firm as I speak. 

I look over to see a little bit of anger on his face. He has both hands on the wheel. No aimless tapping or anything. He looks over with that cold glare he gave me at the party. 

Great! He’s mad because I pulled my hand from his. What an arrogant bastard.

....

When we finally get home Oak jumps out of the car running to the door. Something about Fixer Upper being on. What an odd kid.

Oak’s gone before I can even open the door leaving me and Cardan alone.

He’s staring dead out the window not even bothering to look at me. Which is fucking annoying. This dude needs to get a grip on his mood swings. I’m irritated enough to the point where I have to say something.

“Why the fuck were you being so tolerable early? You're usually pretty shitty to me. So whats up? What's with the bits of decency all of the sudden. You hate me. What's going on here?” 

He turns his head to meet me eye to eye. His lips are sent in such a hard line I don’t think I’m going to get an answer. 

“I do not hate you.” 

“No? What about that time you called me and Taryn lowlife orphans who were less important than the dirt on your shoe? Or when you would steal my lunch money every day? Or that time you tripped me at elementary school graduation? I broke my ankle.” I’m seething. My whole body hot with anger.

He just sits there. Stone cold as ice.

“I was a child.” It's icy. Dismissive. As if the pent up anger, the feelings I had that I didn’t belong where nothing. 

“Fine. What about Friday night? That lovely moment when you basically kicked me out of that party? Omg, what about when I started dating Locke and you called me a filthy slut! That was a fun one.”

He’s staring at me with a hard unrelenting stare. 

I can not believe I started to think he wasn’t such an asshole. Just listening to myself speak I realize how dumb I am. I’m too pissed at the feelings that have been in that dark space next to my heart to even wait for his answer.

I’m curious sure. But I’m done. I’ve put up with this shit for too long.

I’m storming out of the car. Slamming the door to his precious car as hard as I can. 

“Jude.” His voice is hard. Commanding. I feel like smacking him into next week.

I turn to see him standing out of his door arms crossed defensively. I can't help but match his stance. He’s only 3 ft away and I feel the urge to run as far as I can. 

“I don’t hate you.” He’s spitting the words out now full of force.

“You looked hot as fuck Friday night,”. What? “And that pissed me the fuck off because I like you.” 

What the fuck.

“I can’t stop thinking about you.” Oh my god. “And I hate that.”

 He takes a pause, “I despise you for it.”

I’m frozen in place. Just staring at this asshole who had the nerve to tell me he likes me? After the torment, he inflicted on me as a kid. After the name-calling and the glares and the...

My entire brain freezes as he tugs me into his chest. Hard.

Because now he's kissing me. And damn is he a good kisser.

He has a hand tangled in my hair and the other one is keeping me pinned to him. I’m a stone statue for a whole 3 seconds before I acknowledge what is happening. But then I can’t stop myself as my arms wrap around his body and I'm pushing into him as much as I can. 

He’s turning us around backing me up to his car door. The kisses becoming hungrier, needier. His hands have moved down to my ass. Holding me as close to him as possible. I can’t stop the roving my hands are doing. Finding their way to that sweet soft black hair.

I can’t let go. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of this. What it feels like to not have a single space between us. What it feels like for Cardan's hand to be intertwined with my hair, pulling me into him. 

“See I told you Jude had a boyfriend!”.

I hate my life.

~~~

My one tag hehe:

@fireheartbuzzard

[smoljamswrites]

all is fair in love & war | bts x reader | chapter 4

pairing: bts x female reader

genre: mafia!au, series fic, angst, fluff, (eventual) smut

warnings for this chapter: abuse, fat levels of angst (but then there’s a fluffy part that’s then killed by more angst), swearing, degradation, mentions of stalking, y/n cries? is this a potential trigger, idk? 

a/n: just an fyi, incase it isn’t clear, the italics in paragraphs are thoughts. Plus, I apologise if this chapter seems a little jumpy in terms of moving from scene to scene - but it’s just so I could get the story to progress quicker, so I can get into the real meat of it. Oh and I probably butchered the Korean street name system thingy so if you could excuse that, that’d be great. Thanks for reading and supporting this fic! I love you all!!

fic playlist is here x

Clutching at your hair, Sunny roughly drags you into the living room. To say she was livid would be an understatement. The anger darkened her eyes, her eyebrows furrowed, and jaw clenched as she brought you to a stop – right in front of Yunseo and some of the other members. She had phoned them when you begged her to not to tell anyone about the guy in the car, declaring you had a “contact within the outside world”. They had sent a car to pick you both up at that moment, and her hands haven’t left your hair since – gripping onto it so hard, making your eyes water.

Yunseo sits directly in the middle of the leather sofa, his crew of Syndicates placed strategically around the room. They’re expecting me to run…interesting. You’re pushed down onto the floor, your knees harshly colliding with the solid laminate.

Before you even lift your head to meet his eyes, Yunseo has already began to raise his voice. “Who was the guy, Y/N?!” his voice was filled with hatred, fires of fury smouldering his narrowed eyes. You look down onto the floor, shaking your head, not saying a word. Why the fuck would I tell them Jungkook’s name? They’re gonna have to try a lot harder than this, you muse.

A sinister chuckle escapes past Yunseo’s lips, and it makes your stomach churn. You know it isn’t long until they start getting violent, but that isn’t going to make you cave. Not yet. “Listen, we can do this the easy way – you tell me his name, how you know him and what was said between you two – or we can do this the hard way” at that Yunseo rises from his seat and the other members follow suit to loom over you.

You’re on your knees, head lifted to meet eyes with your intimidators. Your eyes wander to Juwon, and you find yourself surprised he isn’t playing with your hair or finding another way to place his grimy hands on you. A smirk toys on his lips, liking the way you look through your eyelashes at him, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by you. Sick fucking bastard! Your blood is boiling; you are sick and tired of being treated like this. Like you’re just a possession to them. Adrenalin hits you, and it makes you feel alive. Your heart is beating so fast, you feel as if it going to fly straight out of your chest. Standing up, you notice for the second time this week you are feeling yourself getting brave.

“No. Why don’t you fucking listen to me? Fuck you! I hate all of you! Why didn’t you just kill me, huh? Kill me! Go on, I dare you!” the adrenalin is flowing through your blood, and it feels like you can’t control your limbs, which is why it is such a surprise to you as much as it is to your ‘superiors’ when you lay your hands on Juwon. Putting all the force you could muster; you use both hands to push at his figure. Due to Juwon not expecting this, he falls back, rage evident on his face as soon as he reaches the ground. Within the same millisecond, your body is dragged back by somebody else, arms restricted, and you don’t even wince when Yunseo’s fists come flying towards your face. You don’t know whether it’s the surge of adrenalin or if its because you’re used to the pain by now, but you just feel numb to his actions. Each punch, to both your face and body, sends signals to your brain that makes it feel like your internal organs should be bursting – but yet you don’t seem to feel a thing. It’s like you’re unconscious, but you can see everything that is happening. All you can feel is your heart beating loudly in your ears, and it’s almost deafening.  

“Who the fuck was it, you dirty fucking slut?!” Yunseo’s spit flies at your face, amazingly faster than the blows.

It is at this moment, that your body realises what is happening. Your mind snaps back into reality and every hit sends a painful jolt through your body. Your face is soaked from the tears, and you’re screaming, finding it hard to hear your own screams over their harsh words. You need this done with, and you need it done with now.

“F-fine I’ll tell you! Just don’t hit me again, please!” you whimper out. The member who was propping up your body lets go, leaving your limp form to fall to the ground. You can hear snickers coming from around the room. They really think they’ve won, huh? Cute.

“I-I met him at ‘Angels’ and to be honest I don’t really know him. But for the past few days, he seemed really obsessed with me. When I saw h-him outside the shop, it creeped me out, I didn’t expect him to be there, and I lost my cool, I guess.” You begin, trying to simultaneously catch your breath, “I went up to his car and literally asked him why he was following me. And when he wouldn’t answer me, I called him a creep and left. That was when I saw Sunny there.”

They all hold the same look on their face – like they want to believe you but they’re not quite sure yet. Your throat feels on fire from all the screaming and crying, but you find it in you to continue, wanting to finish your web of lies perfectly, “I didn’t want to tell you because I see the way you hurt people, and he seemed like an ordinary guy, just too caught up in his own horny feelings and I didn’t want you to hurt him because of that. I guess I felt scared for him.”

The Sin Syndicate members all look towards their leader, awaiting their new order, and you do the same, praying that they believe your story. Yunseo scratches at his stubble on his jaw, seemingly deciding on his next step. He addresses the members first, not bothering to look in your direction, “We’ll keep an eye out for him – Sunny you know what he looks like right? Perfect.” And then he spares a glance at you, “As for you, get to bed, I don’t want to see you right now.”

Your legs shake and your whole body feels extremely sore. Clutching at your own waist, as if you were stopping your intestines from falling out, you drag yourself to your room. You flop down onto your bed, head pounding. Yet all you can think about is Jungkook’s safety – what will happen if they find him? God I shouldn’t even care about him, he’s a fucking stalker! But yet you still reach into your drawer fifteen minutes later to retrieve your phone, deciding on warning Jungkook.

Fuck. Your phone shows you that you have already had missed calls and many text messages from him. You move your thumb to press the correct button to get onto the messaging app, then instantly press again to pull up the conversation between you and Jungkook.

Jungkook: please don’t be mad! I can explain, I promise. It’s just not something that I can explain quickly x [19:26]

Jungkook: ‘You have missed calls from ‘Jungkook’ at 19:29 and 19:41. This is a free call alert.’

Jungkook: please don’t ignore me Y/N, it’s important that I know that you’re okay x [19:59]

Jungkook: ‘You have missed 3 calls from ‘Jungkook’. This is a free call alert’.

Jungkook: Just hear me out Y/N x [20:04]

You feel your heart fall to the pit of your stomach. You can tell Jungkook is worried about you and you hate that you made him concerned. But you still need to think about his actions, following you around is not okay. You have every right to feel mad. It’s because of him that you just got the beating of your lifetime!

You: I don’t understand how you’re eager to give me answers all of a sudden, when earlier you wouldn’t give them me!? What’s changed now? Finally worked out an excuse? [20:13]

He messages back relatively fast, which draws your mind back to feeling guilty for worrying him. Oh God! I still have to warn him!

Jungkook: I get that you’re mad but not replying for almost an hour after I last seen you isn’t funny! You had me so fucking worried! I literally thought the worst, okay! I thought something had happened to you. WTF?! As for the answers you want (and deserve) I will give them you, I promise. All you gotta do is meet with me because I need to explain things face to face, it’s easier. The situation is too complicated for me to rush the explanation or to type it out on text x [20:15]

Leaving isn’t a problem. It’s the making sure Jungkook remains safe and that he isn’t seen by any Sin Syndicate member that’s the issue.

You: I’d be happy to meet you so I could finally know wtf is going on, but I don’t know how I’m going to be able to. [20:16]

You know that you have to go; this could be your opportunity to explain to him that he needs to be careful – maybe you could explain to him the full situation…can you trust him with that?

You: Okay so I have an idea. But for it to work, you gotta be able to work with me or this could end terribly, trust me! (I’ll explain later!) Make sure you are by your phone all day tomorrow, if you can, and when I have the chance to meet you, I’ll message you to let you know. I don’t know what time it will be but it will definitely be tomorrow because I really need to tell you something too! [20:18]

Jungkook: deal. x [20:18]

Not wanting to be the cause of his fretting again, you ensure to message him one last time before turning your phone off and getting some well-deserved sleep.

You: Goodnight x [20:19]

--------------------------------------------------------

You haven’t been able to concentrate all morning. You haven’t got a performance on main stage today, but you still had to show up for work, especially with what had happened the night before. So you’ve been preoccupying yourself with speaking to clients and helping the waiters and waitresses. There is no way you’ll be practicing today, let alone performing for everyone. Currently, you’re sat at the bar, swirling your tiny umbrella around in your glass.

Getting yourself out of bed this morning was a nightmare. As soon as you sat up and swung your legs over the side of the bed, it had sent an aching pain right through your entire being. Your head felt too heavy to carry from the offset, and all you wanted to do was to lie back down again. But you knew you couldn’t. If you wanted everything to go smoothly you knew you had to start moving.

You feel almost criminal – your phone being hidden in the fluffy slipper sock that your wearing, planning to sneak out for a while. The girls haven’t spoken to you yet, but they don’t miss the opportunity to send malicious glares in your direction. Not that you want them to speak to you; you know they hate you and the feeling is mutual. Just then someone places their hand on your back, and you jump at the feeling.

“Hey hey, what’s wrong? You’re all jumpy…is everything okay?” a familiar voice begins to calm your worries, and the way his comforting tone spills past his lips with ease sends a foreign sensation to your core. You move to meet his eyes, and a concerned look adorns his face.

“I’m fine Jin. Just got a lot on at the moment, I guess.” You decide to play it safe, considering you blurted out probably more than you should have done, the last time. But still, his evident worry doesn’t fade.

Taking a seat next to you at the bar, he ghosts his hand over yours- almost like he was deciding whether he should take your hand in his, but then chose against it. “Is there anything that I can help with?” You snap your head in his direction. Oh my god, what a fucking genius!

Your emotions must have shown on your face, because his brows drew together like he was wondering what you could be thinking about.  

“Yes! Woah okay so,” you begin turning your body and bringing your hands together in excitement. Your voice instantly lowers as you speak again, “I need to meet a, well uhm-, a friend. But the problem is, I can’t leave. It’s super important that I meet with him today, so maybe, if you could help me that would be amazing! I’m thinking that you could wait half an hour or so, then request a private dance from me? And that way then they’ll think I’m preoccupied elsewhere, meaning that I could leave? What do you think?”

“Yeah sure, I’d be happy to help.”

---------------------------------------

Making yourself look busy with other clients for the next 30 minutes was harder than you had anticipated. You struggled to focus on the conversations you were having with them, as your mind kept flitting back to your previous chat with Seokjin.

God he’s a lifesaver! I seriously owe him one.

After what seemed like centuries, Yunseo calls your name. Making your way to him, you tried to look as sheepishly as possible, knowing it’d be best to make this stunt look believable. “Y-yes sir?” Nice! Make him think you’re scared after yesterday.

He doesn’t bother to speak for long, evidently pissed at your antics this week, “A gentleman has offered me a pretty large sum of money to book two back-to-back private dance slots with you. I’d be an idiot not to accept, so you’ll be in there for an hour. Keep him happy.” And with that he’s gone. You have to look at the floor to prevent anyone watching from seeing the smile forming on your lips.

Entering the same private dance room as last time, you quickly shut the door and squeal as you make your way over to where Jin is sitting.

“You are currently my favourite person ever! You’ve given me a whole hour! You’re the best seriously!” You know you look like an idiot because you just can’t stop smiling. You pull out your phone from the side of your sock and begin to text Jungkook.

You: Hey, I’m okay to leave now, but I must be back before half one x [12:33]

Bringing your attention back onto Jin, a sudden realisation hits you. “Shit! You’re gonna have to hide for an hour while I’m gone!” The smile is instantly wiped off your face, as you prepare yourself for an annoyed Seokjin. Yet, he doesn’t appear annoyed at all.

Shaking his head and continuing to smile, he stands up, “I know. Don’t worry! If you wanted, I could drive you to wherever you needed to go to meet your friend?” he goofily shakes his car keys and you giggle.

------------------------------

Sitting in the passenger seat of his car, you are speechless. This dude must be earning the big bucks if this is his own fucking Chevrolet Corvette! The shutting of Jin’s door brings you back to reality, “So where are we going?”

Oh right, duh. Removing your phone from your sock once more, you turn on the screen to read Jungkook’s message and position it so Jin can see.

Jungkook: okie dokie, do you know where the café is on Myeongnyun-ro? It’s only a few minutes away from Angels x [12:35]

“ahh right then, lets go!”

-----------------------------

Getting out the car and thanking Jin, you make your way towards the café door. Instantly you start fretting as Jungkook is nowhere to be seen. Sitting down at a booth, you begin to text him, but you’re interrupted by the door in front of you opening, making the little bell above it ding!

Jungkook walks through the door and you swear to God you stop breathing for a second. Your eyes trace his tall, well-built figure; from his chocolatey tousled hair down to his two-toned, bulky shoes. When his eyes meet yours, they instantly light up, and he moves his hand; gesturing for you to come over. As you get closer, the more nervous you feel. You notice the way he bites his bottom lip, and starts wringing his hands together, and that made you relax. He was just as nervous as you were. Reaching his figure, you took a deep breath, inhaling his scent. Your mind wanders to the night that you met, and a goofy smile overtakes your features.

“Hey, what drink would you like?” he says, nerves still evident in the way he spoke.

“You’re sounding like Mr. Persistent Bartender again” you giggle, proud of the way he visibly loosens up at the sound of your joke.

Jungkook lets out a chuckle, as he rolls his shoulders back, “Shut up, lemme buy you a drink” he whines. His voice cuts straight through your heart, sending warmth through your body. Yet you can’t let him give you another drink for free.

“No no it’s fine! I’m not thirsty. Don’t spend your money.” You reach to grab his arm, as he moves in direction of the employee standing at the till.

All your efforts go to waste when he shakes his head at you, dismissing your previous comment, “Hey, I’ll take a coffee and… she’ll have a hot chocolate.” You pull on his arm like a child and tell him you’re fine, but this only spurs him on further. A smirk sits on his lips as he continues, “and can the hot chocolate have whipped cream and marshmallows too please?” He looks down at your unimpressed face, and he coos ruffling your hair. God, you’re going to be the death of him!

“Would you like sprinkles too?” you hear the barista ask, but you’re too late to reject the sprinkles as Jungkook has already beaten you too it. And of course he says yes.

“That’ll be £7.85 please. And I must say, you guys are such a cute couple!” the barista gushes and you feel heat rise to your face. You peer over to Jungkook and see him giving her the money with the biggest smile on his face.

“Thanks! Keep the change.” Grabbing both of the drinks, Jungkook walks back to the booth, with you trailing behind him, embarrassed. You slide in the seat opposite him and he pushes the hot chocolate towards you. Sarcastically rolling your eyes, you move the cup towards your mouth to take a sip. It tasted so heavenly; you swear you could have orgasmed. Lifting your eyes from the cup to look at Jungkook, you see he’s already looking at you – and he’s looking at you expectantly.

“….what?”

“You first.” The two words sends you into a frenzy, reminding you of why you’re actually here. Fidgeting in your seat slightly, you remove eye contact as you think about how to tell him. Okay so you’re gonna have to never ever speak to me again because I don’t want you to die. So, it’s been nice knowing you! Thanks for the hot chocolate.

You cough, ensuring your voice still works before lowering your voice, “Okay so what I’m about to tell you is really serious. I’m not joking or lying or whatever. I really need you to believe me, okay? I’ve lied to you – I don’t live at a stupid dorm, and I don’t go to college. In fact, the only proper schooling I have ever had was only for 2 years and it stopped when I was like 5. And from then, ‘til the age of 11 I was home schooled, if you could even call it that.” You realise you’re rambling, and you quickly decide to get to the point, “I live with these people. They’re not really nice and they hurt people and sometimes they hurt me,” You don’t notice as you’re not looking at him, but Jungkook tenses at this admission. “they don’t let me have proper contact with anyone. And um- they saw you speaking to me yesterday. Well, Sunny did, and she told the others, and I’m so fucking sorry but they’re looking for you now. And well, I need you to delete my number, stop talking to me, and forget about me forever just so I know that you’ll be safe-“

Your little speech is cut off by a giggle, and your eyes dart up, finally, to meet his. Why the fuck does he find this funny? Does he think I’m joking? Furrowing your eyebrows together, your whispering voice harshens, “Guk, I’m being serious here! I can’t believe-“

His voice is considerably loud compared to your quietened tone, “Y/N calm down, I’m pretty sure I can handle Syndicate” Jungkook finds your state of confusion very amusing, as he rests his head on his hand and smiles right at you.

Before you can interrogate him on how he knows Sin Syndicate, he cuts you off, “My turn yeah?” he moves his hand to take a hold of yours, “I’ve been following you since you came to our club because I’ve been worried. We all have. And by we, I mean…Bangtan. I’m sure you’ve heard of us…” his eyes search yours and all he sees in return is pure panic. “Please hear me out! We don’t want to hurt you, I promise. Bangtan doesn’t hurt innocent people – we protect the innocent. All through my training, I was told the chilling story of the young girl, who had to be kidnapped due to a slip up in the Syndicate’s System, tortured not just by the grief of losing her family, but by the men who held her captive. When the new generation of Bangtan took over 7 years ago, we vowed to find that girl, and keep her safe. And here you are. You don’t need to worry about me, yeah? Syndicate doesn’t know our true identities, and it’s gonna stay that way, right?”

Your heart is thumping so loud, you’re certain he can hear it, “…oh yeah. I won’t tell anyone, I promise” your voice is barely a whisper. You feel so fucking numb, it feels like you’re dreaming.

“So, do you have any questions?”

Do you? “Um, I don’t know, my mind’s a little blank at the moment. This is a lot to take in. Um- do you kill people then?”

He lets out a breath, and gently moves his hand to intertwine his fingers with yours, “not in the way Syndicate does. Syndicate will kill anything that breathes, just to make a point. We kill people that are like Sin Syndicate. Does this make sense?” he looks up from your hands to meet your gaze, and you quickly nod, “The best person to have explain to you all the technical stuff is our leader Namjoon.”

Now it’s your turn to divert your gaze again, as you ask a question you really don’t want the answer too, “ahh, so you all have roles then?”

“Yeah.” Gulp. ”I’m Bangtan’s assassin.”

You immediately tense. Assassin? Like the one in charge of killing people? Like the guy who murdered my family? No way. I can’t do this.

“Y/N-“

You flinch at the sound of his voice, standing up and instantly ripping your hand away from his. You feel sick to your stomach. “I gotta go, they’ll be wondering where I am” you say quickly, trying to blink back the tears that were starting to form. And just like that you exit the café and leave Jungkook behind, wondering what on earth he’s just done.

---------------------------------------

You enter through one of the fire exits at the back of the club and head straight for the toilets. Running into a cubicle, you quickly lock the door behind you and sit on the closed seat. The tears that you had held back were now escaping, causing sobs to rush past your lips. With your head in your hands, tears drip through your fingers, onto the tiles below. Your breathing hitched as you hear his confession again.

‘I’m Bangtan’s assassin.’

Thud! Thud! Thud! You’re interrupted by a banging on the stall door.

“Y/N is that you?” the voice called, and you recognise it to be Grace’s.

“..yeah..”

A breathy laugh sounds out into the room, “good! We thought you did a runner!”

You stay in the cubicle for a while longer – only coming out when you know Grace has left. Letting the door swing behind you, you head straight to the sink to wash your face.

------------------------------

Meanwhile, Jungkook is walking aimlessly around the city. Filled to the brim with rage and self-loath, he is wandering various streets, the only company he has is his thoughts.

Why the fuck did I tell her that I’m an assassin? I’ve fucked everything up. Now what’s she gonna do, huh? She could snitch on us all, which is unlikely but not impossible. Or she could cut contact with me. Either way, the guys are gonna be pissed. Oh god, what if she got caught heading back? What if they’re beating her right now? I swear to God if I find-

“OI!” someone yells from behind him, making him instantly turn to find out who’s shouting. Two guys and one girl stalk towards him – is that the Sunny girl?  They head straight towards him, but Jungkook’s never been one to back down from a fight.

“Yep, that’s him boys. Get him!” Sunny remains in her spot, about 3 metres away from Jungkook. She crosses her arms as she watches the drama unfold.

The two men lunge for Jungkook, but it’s him that gets the first punch. Hitting one of them, they stumble back, whilst the other slams Jungkook, head first, into some near by shutters. Punching the man in the gut, Jungkook gets his own back; but it’s not long until the duo gets the upper hand. Jungkook is left in a bad shape, as he slides down the shutters. The 3 Syndicates laugh menacingly as they leave – unaware of who they’ve just laid their hands on.

Pulling his phone out from his pocket, he quickly dials the number he was searching for.

“Hyung...?”

next chapter update: Wednesday 19th February 2020 9pm gmt

tagging: @dearlydreadful​ @honeydewseoks​ @whimsicalwoodlands​ @toddsgirl27​ @wendyiiwl​ @asifetch7​ @barbyisafangirl​ @miraculyfe​ @btsxdoll​ @laluzdirectioner​ @slutkoo​ @bubbletae7​ @h5naaa​ @smollmonajinsa​ @vivpurple7​ @purplelady85​ @vi-hoshi​ 

let me know if you wanna be tagged in future chapters!

Thank you so much for reading

all rights reserved © smoljamswrites | 09/02/2020 | reposting my work or modifying of any kind is strictly not allowed. Translations are also not allowed. 

[iaintyourbro]

So Your Ship (or Theory) Isn’t Canon

The day comes where you find out that your ship is not the canon pairing. It’s a sad day, you go through the stages of grief. 

“BUT EVERYTHING WAS POINTING TO THIS!”

Except, it probably wasn’t. 

This is how I had to deal with it a few times, and why it didn’t ruin the overall story for me. Full disclosure: None of these are considered “Main” pairings. 

Okay, let’s talk about the only couple I really cared about for FF7 back in the day: Vincent and Lucrecia 

Like most rational people, I have a very deep adoration for Mr. Valentine. I had a wall scroll of him in my room. He was mysterious, powerful, and my God, I’d say he was pretty effing romantic. I was also 12, but WHATEVER.

I played OG, got Vincent, saw the Waterfall scene and I was like “THIS MAN DESERVES TO GET THIS WOMAN.”

So, as we all know, the OG didn’t go in to a ton of detail about this whole thing. That didn’t really come until DoC, which of course, I didn’t play at that point. It wasn’t even out yet. And then I didn’t play it when it came out because I didn’t want to play a shooter game. 

They tell you that Hojo marries Lucrecia and that Sephiroth is his son. But then you have me that creates a theory based on a fanfiction ( That was a great fanfiction and I have no idea what it’s called because I read it 20 years ago.. ).

My theory became: Vincent was actually Sephiroth’s father. It was the only rational explanation, right? 

Who would sleep with Hojo? He’s gross. Very gross.

So, in my head, Vincent and Lucrecia did have some type of relationship and Hojo had forced her to marry him. BUT WAIT - she was already pregnant with Vincent’s child. Lucrecia played it off like it was Hojo’s, but he had his suspicions. Not that he cared, this was an experiment. He didn’t care about anybody. 

So I sat with my theory about Vincent being Sephiroth’s father, and that his sins went deeper than just not being able to stop Lucrecia and Hojo from experimenting. And Vincent suspected it too, so it wasn’t a complete mystery. In this theory, Vincent heavily suspected that he was Sephiroth’s father.

I think I replayed OG a few years ago when it came out on Switch. Once again, my love of Vincent came back. **I’m realizing that I probably did like Cloti even 20 years ago, but it was overtaken by my love of Vincent in my memories**

So I get online and am searching for Vincent things. Specifically about him being Sephiroth’s dad. And I came across it... the post proving it wasn’t canon. That the devs had done an interview and flat out said “No, Vincent isn’t Sephiroth’s father.” And if this was an episode of Maury, some folks may have jumped for joy.

I was actually hurt. Like, this can’t be right. Why wouldn’t they add that level of drama? But it wasn’t. It wasn’t canon, it was pure fanon. I’ve believed this for like 15 years. So I felt defeated.

And part of it was being wrong, which I think is a huge motivator for these ship wars. Nobody likes to be wrong. We are all human, after all. 

And I did go through about a 10 minute thing of eff that game. But guess what, I looked at it again. I actually watched DoC cut scenes (finally) and it made sense. It’s clear, it’s canon that Hojo is Sephiroth’s father. 

However, that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy that theory on my own, along with whoever else does. Fanfiction, fanart, playful discourse online about it. 

And that was fine. It didn’t ruin the game for me once I took a step back from my own theory, my own head, and looked at it as a whole. 

DoC did change my opinion of Lucrecia. For some reason I thought she was this nice lady. 

I even named my main World of Warcraft toon after her. I still have that toon, it’s still my main. 

But I was kinda like “damn she’s gonna play him like that?” And I wasn’t mad at the story anymore, I was mad at Lucrecia. But, what’s nice about that whole thing is, as the story continued in DoC, you found out she regrets her choice. She feels guilty about Vincent’s father’s death, so then goes crazy trying to save Vincent. Her “husband” treats her like trash, so then I REALLY hated him.

But I thought it was a good thing to make sure I reviewed all of the canon resources for Vincent and Lucrecia. 

I will still eat up a good fanfiction of Vincent being the daddy, though. I just will not ruin or twist the story of FF7 as it was written for it to fit that narrative. Doesn’t make me like it any less!

My next contenders, though not as serious as the above: Zell and Selphie from FF8 

I don’t know why. It was pretty obvious that the game showed Zell and Library Girl with the Pigtail (I mean, they could have at least given this chick a name) and Selphie and Irvine. And I knew that playing it. But in fanon land, I preferred Zell and Selphie. Something about them made them cute to me. Irvine and Quistis I’d generally pair up too. I have no idea why to this day, maybe just to stick people together. But even more than Irvine and Quistis I liked the idea of Seifer and Quistis. That became the thing. 

In any case, I never was upset playing the game and it never showing a single scene between those fanon couples. I loved FF8, still do. The only reason 7 overtook it was because of Remake. I still love the idea of Zell and Selphie together. 

Okay, this one actually I did have a hard time with: Psych

I wanted Shawn and Jules together by like episode 5 of that series. You want to talk about a slow burn? Those two. Shawn had other girlfriends. Jules had people. They’d still clearly have this tension. You’re like wtf guys. Come on.

When he needs to choose to save his gf (Abigail who I legit just found out was played by Rachel Leigh Cook) vs Jules in “Mr. Yin Presents...” I was like omg you son of a bitch go save Jules. Jules likes you. You know you love Jules. And he doesn’t. He save Abigail. And I was sad.

Then Abigail breaks up with him and I’m like hah!

And Jules and him get together. I actually had to spoil that for myself to keep going, cuz I almost stopped watching it. The tension was too much. That’s one where if they didn’t end up together, I think it would have ruined the show for me, as crazy as that sounds. I absolutely love the other themes in that show, but I really, REALLY loved Shawn and Jules. 

So when they break up for a bit later on, I actually got depressed. Had to spoil AGAIN to keep it moving. 

But I can guarantee one thing: If they didn’t end up together, I would not have gone online and started fighting people about it. I would have either stopped watching the series or I would have just suffered through it, depending on how tense it was.

I can tell you, when they finally kissed, I lost my shit. The tension was relieved. To get this shot, I had to watch it again AND GOT ALL WARM AND FUZZY.

And I can tell you right now, if this happens with Cloud and Tifa... I’m not sure what will happen to me. Cuz I reacted ridiculously with this, and right now I’d say I’m more invested in Cloud and Tifa. 

It’s just the release of the romantic/sexual tension that I need, I guess.

So the actual actors above were together IRL too. And I was like all about that. They were adorable. Then... she married another guy. I was like wtf guys, come on. 

I definitely made sure not to let that ruin the show, since their characters were still together. 

But in any case, you can love whatever ships and theories you want. You really shouldn’t go around lying about the story, removing parts of the story, twisting translations, words, everything that’s right in your face. 

That’s where I get annoyed. I love all the characters (except Hojo, but he is there to be hated) - so seeing this discourse is sad. 

I do laugh my ass off now more than I did before - especially over on Twitter. 

[themagicaltunaa]

Answer all the questions

well i have nothing to do so sure

1. What have you eaten today? 

some toast for breakfast, leftovers for lunch, and some cereal for dinner

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?

never kissed anyone, don't really care about that

3. What color shoes did you last wear?

light grey sneakers

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?

Jeremy did, when I was watching his Alien Isolation stream on monday

5. What is your favorite scent?

I love the smell freshly baked goods

6. What is your favorite season? Why?

I love fall. I just love the aesthetic of the season, and my favorite holiday is during fall. I would love to experience it one day

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?

lol nope. I was barely able to do it as a kid. If I tried now i’m pretty sure i’ll break something.

8. What color are your nails?

the regular pink color? I don’t paint my nails

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?

aw geez, uhhh idk maybe like a tiny star or something

10. What is something you find romantic?

i dont know romantic things 

11. Are you happy?

eh

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?

no not really

13. Dogs or Cats?

cats. i like dogs too, but sometimes they’re too much to deal with. i’m more comfortable being with cats

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?

museum

15. What is your style?

my style is “im trying”

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be?

stay up all night to catch up on videos

17. Are you in a relationship or single?

single babeyyyy

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?

nothing, because im not attracted to anyone

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?

i dont like celebrities

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what?

i’m pretty sure i’m holding on to a lot of stuff, but I can’t seem to remember anything specific. if this question means metaphorically, the answer still works

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?

I went to a drive thru haunted house with my 2 friends, and after we got some taco bell and went to the beach to eat our food. we sat there for like 10 minutes before it started to rain on us

22. Have you recently made any big decisions?

nope. I try not to in general , I hate having to make any sort of big decision because I starting stressing 

23. Were you ever in a school play?

I’ve always had stage fright so no

24. What movie would you use to describe your life?

uhhhh, I dont watch enough movies to pick one

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? 

oh there’s plenty of things that I've dreamed of doing, but I just can’t do it because of anxiety 

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

I dont like sharing

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?

uhhh idk? maybe the whole makeup culture thing? but it’s not like it irritates me I just don’t get it. I can’t really think of a second thing

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

too much to list

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

fuck if i know

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?

can’t think of anything rn

31. How long was your longest relationship?

never been in one

32. Have you ever been in love?

pretty sure I have not

33. Are you currently in love?

nope

34. Why did your last relationship end?

see question 31

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it?

not wearing any atm. actually, I just don’t wear jewelry in general

36. When was the last time you cried and why?

I think it was last week? I don’t remember why, it was probably something stupid

37. Name someone pretty.

the anon that sent me this ask

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?

oh! I got a few gifts from my bestie :)

39. Do you get jealous easily?

no

40. Have you ever been cheated on?

no

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?

sure

42. Ever had detention?

no because I was a good bean in school

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?

city. the countryside sounds nice, but just the thought of being out in the middle of nowhere especially at night makes me nervous 

44. What do people call you?

by my name

45. What was the last book you read?

I do not remember. It’s been years since I’ve read a book

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you?

uhhh idk

47. What kind of music do you listen to?

anything that catches my fancy. I don’t really stick to one kind of genre

48. How tall are you?

my doctor said I’m allowed to say i’m 5′2

49. Do you like kids?

they’re alright. I can handle be around them for a bit, but I would never want to have any 

50. Favorite fruits?

watermelon, starfruit, and tangerines

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans

52. What’s your earliest memory?

I was like 3-4, and I was at disney world with my family. I remember seeing a stage show of Bear in the Big Blue house, and I remember walking around ToonTown when it still existed

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?

i hope not

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it

55. Do you have a collection of anything?

I used to collect seashells as a kid and I still have some of the collection somewhere in my closet. I wanna start a new collection of something but idk what

56. Do you save money or spend it?

i try to save it

57. What would your dream house be like?

something cozy and not too big, with a cat or 2

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?

its 11pm at the time of answering this, i really can’t think of anything to fill a list rn

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?

see the previous question

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

save the dog. i hate my job anyways so I don’t care

61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I would definitely tell my closest friends, and some of my family members, probably my mom’s side of the family. If I had the money to, I would like to travel to some places that i’ve always wanted to go to. I would have a month to accept that i’m gonna die so i think i would be fine. i’d rather get plenty of time to know i’m dying rather than like last minute. this has been a topic that i’ve been thinking of for a while now, not because I’m like thinking about death or anything, I just need something to kill time with at work

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

a heart?

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

aw cmon, I can’t just think of stuff like that on the spot. I don’t even know where I would want to go

64. Do you like the beach?

It’s nice, especially in the early morning when everything is still calm and the beach isn’t packed with people yet

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?

no? wtf does someone special mean?

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it!

Doesn’t everyone have a middle name? But yeah i do and i hate it so im not saying anything

67. Do you talk to yourself?

in my head all the time

68. Describe your hair.

brown, curly, very long because I haven’t cut it in almost a year, it’s very annoying

69. What is the meaning of life.

I wish i knew

70. What is your ideal partner like?

no one

71. Do you want to get married?

no

72. Do you want to have kids?

 ew no

73. Like or dislike your family?

 they’re bearable

74. Are you Chunky or Slim?

I’m more than chunky, i’m just straight up fat

75. Would you consider yourself smart?

lol no. I’m an absolute dumbass

76. What would you change about your life?

everything if i could

77. Religious or Not?

no not really

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I don’t drink so this would never happen

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

it sure isnt because no one is there

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

uhhhh no. I don’t really care tbh

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

idk

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

i’m not opening the door because no one is there

83. Do you like when people play with your hair?

ehh not really. It’ll just make it frizzy

84. Do you like bubble baths?

no

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

I need to drive in order for that to happen

86. Have you ever danced in the rain?

no. its not fun getting soaked in the rain

87. Do you trust anyone with your life?

not really? 

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

why does god allow suffering

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week)

1.greece

2. peru

3.disney world only because I have not been to all the parks yet, also i can bug my brother while i’m there

theres a lot more but i’m too tired to fill out the rest of the list

90. How was your day today?

it was fine

91. Play an instrument?

used to play mellophone/french horn in band in high school. after I graduated I haven’t touched an instrument since

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.

it’s scary

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

aliens as anything that counts as a living organism not of this world, not green little men from mars nonsense. the universe is too big for only life to be on earth. for ghosts, i’m still iffy about them, but that doesn’t mean i’m gonna start walking around haunted places and call the ghosts a bitch

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be?

abosolutely not. every day I regret all the decisions i’ve made through my life. does that mean I’m trying to fix said mistakes or try not to do them again? lol no 

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?

in my mind i do. I’m too scared of everyone to actually do it

96. When are you vulnerable?

always

97. How much free time do you have?

doesn’t feel like much. saturday and sunday go by way too fast and i feel like when i go home from work theres just not enough to relax. im tired all the time

98. Do you like to go hiking?

never been

99. Odd or Even Numbers?

even

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities?

no because I actually have self preservation. I am also a very big chicken